#weird seeing myself simplified to what the thing actually is without my thought process before I post it

[puppyeared]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

[canecone]

Are 2 Leowooks better than one

Leowook design sketch

[buboplague]

hello. i'm an art nerd and as such do art nerd things like study art. you are one of my favorite artists for your smooth and organic lines. is your style of line work something you've developed unintentionally over time or is it a matter of intention and technique? ive noticed you're able to do a lot with very little, which is something i strive for in my own art. happy late easter if you celebrated btw

oh this is an interesting question! I've never really stopped to think about this before.

I think it's a bit of both, but mostly unintentional and developed over time as a characteristic of the way I prefer to draw.

I draw quickly, erase minimally, like continuous lines, and enjoy the actual physical feeling of drawing messy, and I think that's helped me be more confident in my lines in general and contributes to how it looks. Being precise and accurate is usually not my goal, so it's ok if something is off (please never flip my sketches haha). I like the way drawing like this feels.

But there are also a lot of styles I love that use fluid lines, like ukiyoe art and artists inspired by those same styles, or others' quick gestural drawings. Seeing those inspire me to stay loose, or not care about accuracy, simplify things, etc, and folding these concepts it into my work is intentional, because it loops back into enjoying the way it's done. I don't really have much advice or technique for how to achieve this deliberately because I guess I'm not really sure myself LOL but based on how I approach things myself, these are tips to try (which it looks like you're doing some already!):

draw with pen on paper. If you mess up just go with it, or try again from the beginning. Don't get hung up on erasing and fixing things, just keep drawing

practice speed, with timed gesture drawing or other methods of practice you're comfortable with; try it without picking up the pen

turning stabilization off while drawing digitally for a more natural line (entirely subjective, but stabilization trips me up so bad and feels weird)

draw from life. It can be random objects around the house, or random photos, but draw things you normally wouldn't - train your hand to follow your eye, as this will help you see the way you use line, and is an easy way to practice what kinds of lines you want without getting hung up on idea generation, or if the character looks right, expectations, etc.

It's okay to be impatient and lazy sometimes LOL. Sometimes doing the bare minimum helps you to learn where you want to simplify or stylize things. "Good enough" is also a pretty useful catchphrase sometimes

I hope something in this post helps! And sorry if it doesn't, I'm not very good at articulating my own art or thought processes.

Thank you for your kind words and for enjoying my work. happy late easter!

[whentherewerebicycles]

some thoughts that might seem unrelated but aren’t, i promise:

— in that atomic habits book I read a couple weeks back the author talks about using a specific, action-oriented question repeated throughout the day to help you build or break habits (like “what would a physically fit person do?” or “what would a sober person do?”).   

— the aging books i was reading last month noted that people who score high in conscientiousness (on the Big Five personality traits) tend to age most successfully ie enjoy the longest stretch of active years. to quote this article, conscientiousness is “a fundamental personality trait—one of the Big Five—that reflects the tendency to be responsible, organized, hard-working, goal-directed, and to adhere to norms and rules...Conscientiousness comprises self-control, industriousness, responsibility, and reliability. A conscientious person is good at self-regulation and impulse control. This trait influences whether you will set and keep long-range goals, deliberate over choices, behave cautiously or impulsively, and take obligations to others seriously.” I tend to score very high in openness but very, very low in conscientiousness. more on this in a bit...  

— my sister and i were talking recently about different kinds of intelligence, and also about core values. one of hers is efficiency, a word that i have all kinds of negative associations with lol but that she explained in ways i found really intriguing. for her efficiency isn’t about, like, Maximizing Productivity for Capitalism but is about methodically searching for the most effective, least confusing or redundant, most easily-communicable-to-others way to solve complex problems. when she encounters a system that has all kinds of weird bottlenecks or inefficient, time-consuming ways of completing a task (esp if the rationale for those methods is just “well.. that’s how we’ve always done it”), she starts immediately examining the larger structures and workflows around those bottlenecks to see if the established ways of doing things can be rerouted or simplified, and then she constructs new protocols or tools for people to use instead of the old inefficient way of working. efficiency will never be a core value of mine, in part because i think my humanities-oriented brain accords more value than her STEM/medicine-oriented brain does to wandering, daydreaming, slowed-down thinking, doubling-back or retracing one’s steps, and other “inefficient” modes of thinking that slow down the process but can lead you in unexpected directions or spark unanticipated epiphanies that illuminate the larger structures differently. i think we both share a keen interest in systems-level thinking and in examining whether established ways of doing things are the most effective ways of doing things, but we prioritize different modes of thinking and problem-solving in figuring out how to alter or redesign those larger systems (which is probably a result of temperament differences + our field-specific training).

THAT SAID, i have been thinking a lot about how one area of my own intelligence i would like to sharpen/hone in both my professional and personal life is like... a mode of intelligence that is linked to rigor, a more methodical approach to problem-solving, and the ability to construct & more methodically test detailed mental schemas. not quite sure how to articulate that but i feel like my thinking has gotten a little fuzzier than i want it to. and I think maybe this sensed fuzziness in thinking is linked to some of my ongoing feelings of restless discontent re: work. I also just in general want to be more conscientious in how I approach and solve problems, or in how I tackle big and small projects.

— this is more tangentially connected but: i feel like one thing i’ve noticed this year is that a lot of the people i admire professionally are really good at seeking out & taking on lots and lots of additional challenges or commitments, and they can do this in part because they tend to be very conscientious people, ie people who have big-picture vision but are also very detail-oriented and good at managing their time effectively & doing things efficiently so they can take on multiple projects without feeling overwhelmed. i feel like my own low-conscientiousness means that i can’t take full advantage of my high-openness—often i want to take on new projects or challenges but i worry that i’ll overextend myself or that the project will become more time-consuming than i anticipate. i think is linked to a different sort of fuzziness, ie a lack of clarity about how long things take or how much time i have — all combined with a deeply ingrained sense of myself as someone with executive dysfunction issues (poor time management, poor planning skills, poor organizational abilities, etc.). i think of myself as a very inefficient and extraordinarily disorganized person, whether this is 100% accurate or not, and that can sometimes lead to me taking myself out of the running for opportunities or limiting the number of projects i take on out of a fear that i won’t be disciplined enough to see them through.

— another thing my sister and i were talking about recently is how within large families, siblings tend to get assigned a “role” or a personality within the family dynamic very early on, and then they get sort of locked into that over time. everyone in the family expects them to always behave in that way, and there’s often a lot of unconscious resistance to letting your family members change or grow or develop in ways that contradict the clearly defined family role that’s been assigned to them, or the family “story” that everyone else in the family tells about them. you can get locked into both positive and negative roles—or like, often the positive role has a negative flipside. we were talking about how within our family, i’ve been “assigned” to be the “deep thinker” ie the introspective one who spends my life writing and thinking and daydreaming, whereas my sister has been assigned the role of being most like my father, ie very methodical, analytical, unemotional, and action-oriented (and therefore not introspective or inward-looking). and we were talking about how both of these have a negative flipside: my sister feels like she doesn’t get to be a “deep thinker,” or an introspective, emotionally intelligent person; whereas i feel like in my family’s story for me i am forever in “lalaland,” as my mom always says—head in the clouds, an ineffectual dreamer, the absentminded professor who has lots of big thoughts and feelings but is incapable of bringing any of my fantastical ideas to fruition because i have very little practical knowledge or stick-to-itiveness.  

— as i’ve said many times before, i feel like i can’t solve the big-picture issues with my job right now, since so many of them are linked to shitty pandemic realities. but i was thinking that maybe one way to begin laying the groundwork for this final year in my job might be to work on strengthening my conscientiousness at the micro-level, ie in small everyday habits and interactions. my hope is that maybe by practicing conscientiousness in lots of small, low-stakes situations, i can start strengthening those muscles and building trust in myself as “the kind of person who does ____” (which i feel like is necessary for me to begin challenging the family story i’ve internalized what i am like). i mean, there is a lot of truth to that family story! but i bet that those aspects of my personality are nowhere near as inflexible or as like, divinely preordained as i have often assumed they are. like, i bet that through practice & through building better habits i can actually become significantly more conscientiousness (reliable, responsible, hardworking, efficient, good at follow-through, self-disciplined, etc) than i am now. and while efficiency may never be as central a value for me as it is for my sister, i think there is probably a way for me to see efficiency and conscientiousness as linked to my own core values, if only because those qualities or traits will allow me to better enact/embody my core values. so i think i can see it not as working against the grain of my personality, but as working to build out less-developed parts of my personality to strengthen the parts of my character that i value most.

— anyway this is all to say that for the last week i’ve been asking myself aloud “what would a conscientious person do?” multiple times a day, really any time i find myself at a small crossroads where i have to make a small decision. do i pick up that piece of cardboard and put it in the recycling bin now or leave it till later? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i return that call from the plumber now or put it off until later? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i take two minutes to pay that $4 toll bill now or put it on the giant stack of “tasks i will definitely deal with when i’m in the mood to deal with them,” where it will inevitably become a $25 and then $50 bill because i forgot about it and now have to pay late fees? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i comment on that student’s draft now when i’d rather be on the couch scrolling through social media? (i could probably do it tomorrow, when i have another block of free time, but what would a conscientious person do?) i have no idea if it will work in the long term!! but it’s been an intriguing experiment so far, mostly because i think it is teaching me that many of the tasks i build up in my head as incredibly time-consuming are actually quite quick, and once you finish them you also free up all the mental energy you were putting into procrastinating on them, and are better able to move onto the next thing. i also feel like it is teaching me that uhh maybe a conscientious person is not like, a completely different species of human being, but just a person who has different habits or patterns of response to daily choices than i do. that feels important too: if we are what we repeatedly or habitually do, then changing what i habitually do can probably change the kind of person i am!   i’m finding that there’s something very useful about the simplicity of the question, too. deliberately posing the question to myself interrupts my habitual, unconscious response (which is always some version of “i don’t have the energy to deal with that / don’t want to expend that energy right now -- i’ll put it off till later”) -- it requires me to stop and focus my attention on the present situation instead of sliding right past it without thinking about it. and there’s also something quite satisfying about framing it as a choice or a decision: i get to choose what to do, ie i get to exercise agency, and exercising agency makes your brain feel happy (we like to feel in control! we like making choices!). so throughout the day i get to experience lots of little bursts of whatever gets released in the brain when you make a decision and immediately follow through with it, and i think/hope that this kind of positive reinforcement is helping to strengthen those circuits and lay down the groundwork for new patterns of habitual response. 

those are some thoughts this morning!! now i am going to allow myself a few minutes of sloth lol and then i’ll get up and exercise.

[writing-radionoises]

remember my name

ship: little bit of fyodazai, mostly ango & dazai

genre: hurt/comfort

prompt: post fyodor’s suicide, dazai contemplates life without him

notes: sequel to disappear, obviously tw for suicide and implied sexual content.  song is remember by name by mitski

The cafe is mostly empty, likely because it's late and just about closing time.

The sun is setting against the horizon, and Dazai watches as he idly stirs his tea.

The cafe radio is playing some sort of English song Dazai can barely make out. He had asked if they would mix up the stations now and then, to hear more foreign music.

"I gave too much of my heart tonight.

Can you come to where I'm staying,

And make some extra love?

That I can save til tomorrow's show."

Dazai hums along with it, propping his head up with his fist.

It's so hard to live now, knowing that Fyodor is gone.

Dazai can't pinpoint why he misses the bastard, he's had hundreds of exes and so many people who mistreated and used him.

Yet, Fyodor stayed in his mind.

Fyodor was unique. In the end, that's why Dazai thought about him so much.

He was different from any other person he met. He was determined to get his way, to become great, and killed anything that stood in his way. He was a genius who learned whole languages within a couple of months, who mastered the art of hacking and manipulation. Fyodor had read twice as much as Dazai had in his life at the age of 15.

He was talented in so many ways, though also, he was poisoned with traumas and perhaps even a hero complex.

And most importantly, he threw his own life away.

That's what haunts Dazai the most. When he closes his eyes, he can see the empty rooftop again, Fyodor's last words forever ring in his mind.

Dazai was well versed in suicidal thoughts, and never once saw Fyodor to be plagued by them until that day.

And there wasn't anything Dazai could do to cure them at that point. It was a fatal condition.

Somehow, it has to be Dazai's fault.

"Dazai," rang a familiar voice from behind him, "You've been staring for a while. Are you alright?"

Dazai's skin crawls from the touch on his shoulder as he looks back to see the familiar face of Ango Sakaguchi.

Ango has been like Dazai's emotional support friend for what seemed like decades, the little conversations they held were always about Dazai. Ango hated talking about himself, claimed he was boring and unplagued by most of any trouble.

"Just thinking," Dazai replied.

"About what?" Asked the brunette, sitting beside Dazai at the window.

"Dostoyevsky," he answered simply, "... God, it feels weird to call him that. He always insisted I call him Fyodor, saying that 'Russian last names are hard on the Japanese tongue,' or whatever. I think he just hated hearing me mispronounce it…"

"You two used to be friends, yes?"

"Something like that," Dazai nodded along, "We used to date like ages ago, it was only for a couple of months and it… wasn't an amazing experience, but it worked out for what I needed…"

"You'll have to elaborate more, Dazai," Ango replied, brows furrowed in confusion, "When was this?"

"After Odasaku died, and after you abandoned me. I left the mafia and realized that I… didn't have any friends. I didn't even know how to make friends, and developed a chronic case of loneliness," the bandaged man continued, "It's not good when you have suicide on your mind 24/7, but I was determined to stay alive. Long story short, I hooked up with a bunch of random guys, most of which I never really knew. Bartender called me the Lord Of One Night Stands, I'd let people take me home to try and forget about my loneliness. Fyodor was my first real relationship after all that, we met in a coffee shop. He cracked a joke or two, he was really cute, and I needed another person to fuck me so I wouldn't go home and hang myself that night. It worked out."

"I thought you said it wasn't that great of a relationship earlier," Ango said.

"It wasn't," Dazai said with a sigh, "He was a sociopath who didn't really know how to interact with people. I was one of his first real friends and he used me to learn about human interaction. Though, I think the worst part was when he actually called me out on my terrible coping mechanism. He was confused why I was so offended by him using me when I was using him in return. I left him after he said that, but I've been thinking about it ever since. I use just about everyone around me for my own personal gain, and sometimes I do it without realizing. I still don't know if Fyodor ever saw me as a romantic partner, or if he was just mirroring my feelings because it was what I wanted to hear."

"You wanted someone to care about you, regardless of how temporary or fake it was," Ango simplified, and Dazai nodded, "So, why are you thinking about him tonight?"

Dazai falls silent, drumming his fingers against the counter.

The music continued to play in the background.

"'Cause I need somebody to remember my name.

After all that I can do for them is done.

I need someone to remember me."

"... He knew me at what I would say was the shittiest part of my life," Dazai said eventually, continuing to tap his fingers, "I don't care how fake it was, but he made me feel cared about. I was nineteen at the time, the love of my life died in my arms, and I had years of unprocessed childhood trauma, I was a fucking unattended oil fire. He… he couldn't put the fire out, but he at least tried. It meant a lot to me, and now I can't seem to process him being gone…"

Ango gave a simple hum as Dazai laid him head against the counter with a sigh.

"I'm starting to think everyone I care about just dies in the end. This entire Decay Of Angels thing was my fault, if I had just tried to tame the rage in Fyodor back then, all of this could've been avoided. He could be still alive today."

Ango places a comforting hand in Dazai's shoulder, unsure of what to say as Dazai closes his eyes.

The empty rooftop stands before him, with the sun setting in the background.

He knows there was no avoiding this. Nothing he could've done would've tamed Fyodor.

The Russian had said it himself, he was born to be a villain. "Destined to be a thorn in God's side," or something like that.

And even though Dazai has grown so much past the crutch that Fyodor once was to him, it feels terrible for him to be ripped away so soon.

Another sigh escapes Dazai.

"He asked me to remember him. And maybe it's selfish to say this, but now that he's gone… Who's going to remember me?" Dazai says, "Not as the agency member or the mentally ill mafia executive, but as the nineteen year old with more baggage than he can carry, and a desperate need for love?"

Ango doesn't respond, because really, there isn't an answer.

Dazai knew that.

[undersummerskyy]

Oh maaan I was just about to send you a prompt but selfishly liked it so much I might write it myself. But I’ll still give you the simplified version of the Bechloe prompt: ‘Lingerie store’ 🙊 big fan btw - you’re doing an awesome job with yo’ prompts buddy 👍

I still can’t believe you sent me this. You’re awesome. Anyway, I know you wrote it yourself, and it was AMAZING. 

(here’s a link for everybody who wants to read it) 

However, I still loved this idea so I wanted to write it too! Hope you’ll like it :)

“I really, really don’t want to do this, you know.”

“I do know. You’ve told me fifty times in the last three minutes. I will also gladly remind you of the fact that it was you who suggested this.”

Beca groans. She doesn’t really remember the moment itself (there was a lot of alcohol involved) but apparently, last night, she’d told Chloe that ‘we should totes (she’s pretty sure she didn’t actually use that word, even though Amy swears she did) go and shop for lingerie together tomorrow’.

“I’m not sure that actually happened.”

“Amy has a video.”

“You’ve said that, although so far, I have not seen a single second of this video.”

“She’ll send it later.”

“Sure.”

Still, though, they’re here, and there’s no turning back now.

It’s not that she really doesn’t want to do this. In fact, Beca has probably daydreamed about seeing Chloe in her underwear about a million times.

Well, that just makes her sound like a creep.

She’s just.. Chloe’s just..

She’s Chloe.

And she’s beautiful and ‘confident about all that’ and she doesn’t care and there’s about a 98.5% chance that she’ll pull Beca into the changing room for some help or advice and there’s a 100% chance that Beca will be awkward and blushing and trying (but also not really) not to stare and then Chloe will tease her about it and god.. this really is just a disaster waiting to happen. She’s never drinking again, seriously.

Yet, Beca is here, making her way through the store. She’s holding a good twenty pair of bras in her hands (human shopping cart Beca Mitchell, ladies and gents) while the redhead asks her what color she thinks will look nice on her.

“Uh. Don’t know. I bet they will all look nice.” She answers with a shrug, not really comfortable giving advice.

“Come on Becs. What color do you like?”

She shrugs again. “Anything, really.”

Chloe doesn’t seem satisfied with the answer and steps closer to where her best friend is standing. Beca thinks she’s going to relieve her of the bras, and allows Chloe to step into her bubble. What she doesn’t expect, however, is for the other woman to pull her shirt from her chest so she can peer into it.

Beca steps back immediately, as if she was burned. “Uh dude. What the fuck are you doing exactly?”

She holds the bras in front of her own chest now, watching the bemused expression on Chloe’s face.

“I thought I’d check what you’re wearing right now, you know, see what kind of color you think is nice.”

Beca raises an eyebrow. “First of all, that’s weird.”

Chloe just smiles brighter. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t do boundaries.

“Secondly, you could have asked.”

“Would you have answered?”

Beca rolls her eyes. “No, but I would have preferred it over you trying to get me out of my clothes in the middle of the store.”

“Oh, so you would have been okay with it if I did it in the dressing room, huh? Good to know.” Chloe says with a teasing smile on her face.

“Oh my god, dude. Just- get the blue one okay. It uh.. it will look nice with your eyes and stuff.” Beca stammers, realizing she’s blushing. They’ve only been in this store for about ten minutes and she’s already beyond embarrassed.

Chloe smiles and reaches for the bra. She’s had her eye on this particular one ever since they walked in, but honestly, teasing Beca is way more fun. Plus, it’s nice to know she has good taste.

“Awes.” She says, “Let’s go try them on.”

The brunette rolls her eyes, but follows Chloe towards the dressing rooms without complaining.

“Right.” She says once they get there. “Here you go.”

Chloe takes the bras from her and steps into one of the empty rooms. She winks at Beca before closing the curtain, giving the brunette a moment to finally relieve the breath she’d been holding for the last twenty minutes.

She doesn’t get much of a break though, because about two minutes later, Chloe’s head is peeping out from behind the curtain.

“Hey Becs?”

She looks up from her phone, swallowing hard. Just the idea that Chloe is probably only wearing a bra right now is too much for her to handle. “Uh. Yeah? What’s up?”

Chloe smiles, and Beca knows she can tell that she’s uncomfortable. She clears her throat and tries to appear a little more confident and less freaked out.

“Can you help? I’m not sure this looks good.”

“I’m sure it does.” She answers, knowing Chloe won’t accept it, but trying regardless.

The redhead shakes her head, a small smile still on her face. “I just need your opinion.” She steps out from behind the curtain then, into the store itself, and immediately Beca is on her feet, looking around her to see if other people are looking at them.

“Dude! Get in there.”

As she pushes Chloe back into the stall, her hands land on her best friend’s bare waist, and it’s almost too much to handle.

“What the hell are you doing?” She asks once she’s closed the curtain behind them.

The redhead just shrugs. “I wanted to know what you thought of this, and you wouldn’t come in.”

“So you figured you’d give the whole store a show?”

She smiles. “I’m guessing that means you think this looks nice?”

Beca’s face is red, she knows. She also knows that Chloe knows.

If only she had a time machine and could go back in time to punch her drunk self in the face for thinking this was a good idea. “Uh yeah. Good choice. I uh- yeah.. the red looks nice on you.”

She glances down, her eyes only lingering for a split second before darting away, looking anywhere but at Chloe.

Chloe thinks it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen. Plus, Beca’s hot when she’s all flustered like this. Teasing her is just way too much fun.

“Do you think the size is right?”

Beca actually groans. “Does it feel right?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know?”

There’s a small pause, and Beca finally dares to make eye contact with Chloe again. It’s so hard not to look down, but she manages. Somehow.

“I don’t know. I guess this is my size, but I just feel like they might have a bit too much filling, or something.”

“Looks fine to me.”

Chloe chuckles. “You’ve barely looked.”

Beca rolls her eyes, only making Chloe laugh harder.

“Besides, that’s not how you can tell.”

Beca has a feeling where this is going. Before she can stop it, Chloe is reaching out for her hand, and pulling it towards her chest.

“Dude, no. Come on.”

“What?” She says innocently, “You’re a girl, you know if this feels natural.”

“I’m not going to touch your… bra, Chlo.”

Chloe smiles, but releases Beca’s hand. “Your loss. Anyway, I don’t love this one that much anyway. I think I’m gonna try on the blue one now.” She winks at Beca, then reaches behind herself to unclasp the bra.

Beca doesn’t know how fast to turn around, almost falling over in the process. “Oh my god, Chlo. Give me a warning next time or something.”

“What?” Chloe says, and even though Beca can’t see her, she knows she’s smiling, “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

The brunette mumbles something that Chloe can’t quite understand, before quickly disappearing out of the room again.

“Hey Bec?”

It’s been another three minutes of peace. Definitely not enough to get her heart rate down to a normal level.

“Yes..?” She says, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Just come check this one out, please. I think this one is my favorite.”

“Then why do I need to see it?”

“Because you chose this one! It’s special!”

Beca rolls her eyes, but enters the dressing room anyway. She’s not going to risk Chloe walking out like that again.

This time, it’s a little harder to tear her eyes away from Chloe’s test. She knows that Chloe can tell she’s staring – basically drooling- but she just can’t look away.

“I guess you like it, huh?”

“Wha- Sorry, what?” Beca stammers, closing her mouth and making eye contact with her friend, who has a teasing smile on her face.

“Do you think it looks nice?”

“Uh yeah,” Beca answers, “The uh, the blue works really well with your eyes. You should definitely get this one.”

Chloe chuckles. “Oh trust me, with a reaction like that, I definitely am.”

The brunette blushes once more. “Yeah. I mean.. uh- your uh- I bet your boyfriend will think it’s amazing.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend, Bec. You know that. Besides, it’s not his reaction that I care about.”

Okay, she’s officially confused now.

What is happening right now?

Is Chloe seriously flirting with her?

I mean, yes, she does that all the time, but not like this. She looks flushed, honestly, and Beca can tell she’s breathing hard by the way her chest goes up and down. (damnit Beca, stop looking).

She decides to test it out, feeling suddenly courageous.

“Do you.. do you think the filling is good?”

Chloe knows she has to stay calm now, play her cards well. She doesn’t want to freak Beca out by flirting too much, so she tries to find the perfect place in between.

“I’m not sure. Would you mind feeling it for me?”

It works.

Beca nods, and suddenly she’s reaching out (her hand’s shaking, Chloe can tell) and then a second later, it’s on her chest.

Chloe waits a second, and then puts her own hand on top of Beca’s. She’s less cautious now, pretty sure Beca isn’t going to freak out.  

She squeezes Beca’s hand, which now squeezes her breast. The brunette’s mouth falls open and she gasps, and Chloe has to stop herself from jumping her right then, right there.

“That uh,” her voice is hoarse, “that feels good. I think.”

“You sure?” The older girl asks, squeezing again.

“Yep. Yeah. Pretty sure.”

Beca removes her hand then, because she feels weird just leaving it there.

“Hey Beca?”

“Yeah?”

Chloe leans in close, letting her mouth brush Beca’s ear. She can feel Beca’s hot breath against her cheek.

“Thanks for helping.”

She pulls open the curtain behind Beca, then pushes her forward and winks at her before closing the curtain in front of the other woman.

Beca just stands there, staring at the closed curtain for a full minute, then she realizes her mouth is still hanging open and she closes it, sitting down in the chair she had previously occupied.

“How did I not just get kissed?” She mumbles to herself. 

Inside the stall, Chloe is smiling happily, pleased with how this turned out. Yes, she may have lied about what Beca said last night, and yes, there may not be a video. Nevertheless, it was so worth it. 

Now all she has to do is find an opportunity to ‘accidentally’ bump into Beca while wearing her new purchase - and nothing but it - and she’s pretty sure the other woman will finally cave. Chloe for one, can’t wait. 

[linespider-blog]

Optimal Flow State Narration

I've been wanting to write more on comics/my comics process for a while now, but the challenge has been really having something to say in a way that would be substantial and worth the time it would take to write it out, which I'm trying right now.

Currently I'm processing two different comics in wildly different mediums: Megg, Mogg and Owl by Simon Hanselmann and Rain Like Hammers by Brandon Graham.

MMOG is not easy to explain, but it's very dark, humorous, and bleak, and depicts the dysfunctional misadventures of a witch, her cat familiar, a werewolf, and a humanoid owl named Owl, and their toxic codependency on each other and substance abuse, while navigating what it more or less apartment living in a mundane but also disgusting city. It's been a weird ride, and the story is ongoing, an is an examination of the long-term effects of the characters' addictions, their inability to move on in their lives, and the effects of their actions upon one another.

I got invested in this comic over the beginning of the Pandemic last year, as the creator already had a long-running series of books but began posting new storylines set in the Pandemic that were, on the whole, significantly more farcical, and considered not part of the ongoing plotline in the books. I ended up buying the most recent book, Bad Gateway, mostly in an attempt to better understand what I was seeing, and to better determine if I enjoyed it or was disgusted by it. Honestly it's a bit of both.

Since completing the Pandemic book, Hanselmann has been posting earlier stuff in his Instagram, as the collected book, titled Crisis Zone, has now won an Eisner and likely has grown his career a great deal. It's now come around to the point where I find myself reading the updates from Bad Gateway, on Instagram-the very book I've owned for over a year now that sits on my shelf. Part of the interest in this point is that the updates on Instagram are not merely shots from the book itself-they are carefully taken images from the original physical art, creating the strange effect of looking on my phone at artwork that is better than the actual physical pages of the work-you can see the texture of the paper, the use of whiteout, and so on. And yet I was doing this even before it dawned on me that the Instagram version was of the original images and not just the book online.

Hanselmann manages a 3x4 grid of squares on most of his pages in book form, which coincidentally allows the individual frames to work quite well on Instagram. There is really something to seeing such dedication and resolutely maintaining this form. The composition in each frame works, it's immediately easy to understand, easy to read, big obvious strengths. I like it, but I don't know if I could do it myself. I don't know how I would, right now, but I definitely see its advantages.

Rain Like Hammers by Brandon Graham is a far-flung future science fiction story. It was made by Graham during a time of deep depression in response to events in his career and his personal life that are hard for me to get enough of a read on to document here, but they certainly influenced this book. It is a strange book, and even though I have read it three times now, I'm still struggling with its story.

Graham's style is a lot more free-form, and has strong manga influences, often peppering his images with small notes, explanations of devices, or even tiny dialogue balloons expressing a single sidelong thought, and there's clear Moebius and Herge influences going on with his depictions of the fantastic (Moebius) in a simplified, clean art style (Herge). There's a character that clearly represents the author himself, and the story attempts to say some things about the transitional nature of identity, public ridicule, and the ways societies can normalize some behaviors while ostracizing others. It is, quite honestly, a very difficult read for me, and I have been familiar with his past works, but something else is going on here I still haven't unlocked.

I honestly want to write more on Rain Like Hammers but I'm still trying to understand it-for one, I still don't even know why it was given that title it has. It feels less like an explicit story, even if it attempts to present itself as such, and more like something...not necessarily dreamlike, but as a sketchbook that over time came to life and began asserting relationships between the separate ideas happening on each page. It floats. I can't tell if it works or not, it's just quite simply very unfamiliar feeling, in a way that makes it hard to translate its strengths. It's going to be a puzzle for a long time, I think.

Which is all to get at my own work, and my own thoughts on my work. I haven't used my iPad in a considerable amount of time now, in fact I have it turned off, as once every month or so I suddenly notice it's almost out of power and recharge it for a night and then do nothing with it, again. I'll no doubt bring it out when Procreate introduces its next major update, which appears to hint at some kind of 3D modeling aspect that is probably not quite what I am hoping for but time will tell...

A major reason I fell off the iPad was my realization on the importance of physical drawing on physical paper with a physical tool. The importance of leaving evidence, an object that can be considered and no just disappeared in another object. I also realized an odd feeling that...and this is hard to explain adequately, but...

When I draw on paper, I'm drawing on my brain. All the senses, the tactility of the page and the pencil, all of that travels up my arm and is written on my brain as I do it. With a stylus I get maybe 1% of that sensory information. Obviously I am not against digital art...but this difference is why I struggle so greatly to produce something digitally without realizing it on a page.

The other thing I want to write down here, is that...when working on comics, the drawing is the writing. I've been having a very hard time with Leonardo Da Vinci, which I won't get into here, but as an example, I knew I needed to really work out his role and presence in the story, as he's crucial and yet also...well, again, mainly it's important that I have him somewhere to serve the purposes he's meant to serve, as well as tie up some loose ends involving the armillary sphere that only he can deal with.

So I've brought him back to the barn on the castle grounds to work on that, and then I realized I wanted to bring the Penguin into the scene, so I had the Penguin climb through a window and greet Leonardo through the window. I'm still struggling with this frame, but, I had the Penguin standing in the window, holding one wing out to Leonardo pantomiming a greeting. Which leads to the next page, where Leonardo is standing up from his work bench, away from his projects...and I didn't know what to do there.

So I had Leonardo standing there, and behind him, the Penguin standing on the workbench, looking at Leonardo, both facing the reader. And I didn't know what to do. I kept circling back.

And then I realized that in the prior page the Penguin could, instead of waving to Leonardo, but holding a little scroll out to him, to add reason for his appearance, and enhance the interaction, so I added in the scroll.

Cut back to that next page, I have Leonardo unfurling the scroll to look at it, but the Penguin is still standing behind him, passively. I redo it again, and I realize the Penguin can be peering over Leonardo's shoulder to be looking at the contents of the scroll as Leonardo is reading it (for the record, the Penguin probably can't read, but he'd still be curious to know what's happening), so now we have the two figures interacting again and responding to this bit of news.

And like that I have rewritten this moment at least five times, reshaping the event forwards and backwards. To be honest, I still don't know what's in the scroll I've given the Penguin to deliver to Leonardo, and I have a lot to work out there. The biggest challenge with comics is that I find I'm usually try to think about at least five things at once:

-Story

-Composition (the interior of the frame itself and what it depicted therein)

-Character Performance/Interaction

-Set Design

-Layout (the composition of the various frames on the page and how they relate to eachother)

These five different things compete for my attention and often influence eachother. Surprisingly, the story is often the most passive participant...because so much, moment-to-moment, comes out of what is going immediately.

Anyway, I have much to do, and may day has only gotten started, and there will be groceries to take care of before work.

[moranmagic]

GDS3 Trial 1 Post Script

I went into this challenge with a general strategy in answering the questions overall. I also had a plan in how to go about answering them in the time given. I will first tell you my plan for answering them, then the strategy I was working under to help guide my answers overall, and finally thoughts on the answers I have and how well I did on each question. I mostly won't provide my answers here yet (I will do that either after the contest ends or at least if I know I am no longer in the running).

My plan to answer them worked as follows. First I read each question and then noted them on my phone. I spent the next day just considering each question and talking to myself about it. That night I made notes of possible answers for each as well as a few bullet points of how I could defend those answers. The next day I recorded myself talking about my best potential answers (it was a point where I was stuck in my car for about an hour, so I channeled Drive to Work and talked about Magic). When I got home I listened to that stuff and took some more notes, then set to work writing essays.First draft done, I went to bed.

The next day I reread my answers and then reread the questions, and then reread my answers. Then I rewrote my essays from scratch after considering what about them should change. I was very happy with the second draft I had for each of the essays and I made more minor revisions and corrections on the next day before submitting them. I'm quite pleased with the overall answers.

My strategy in answering them was to showcase a wide range of abilities; I touched on design and development issues, the integration of creative, player reception, and the larger (standard) environment created that each set is a part of (barring supplemental products of course). Some questions naturally focused on individual mechanic and card design, while others allowed me to talk about bigger concerns with a design (for better or worse, and with one answer in particular I definitely dropped the ball in pursuing this strategy).

Question 1

I sought to emphasize my design skills though they are all currently “amateur.” I don't and have not had a career as a professional in any aspect of design, though my hobbies and passions all revolve around it. I also put great weight on my ability and desire to work with a team in collaborative processes. I'd love the opportunity to expand on these things during a face to face interview.

Question 2

I don't think any non-evergreen mechanic currently satisfies the demands of being made evergreen. Due to that, this was the hardest question of the ten from my perspective. I made the argument for skulk, shifted into green to act as evasion on green's smaller creatures where trample doesn't make sense. I'd make it primary in green and tertiary in black and blue, only to be used there when none of their other evasion makes sense somehow. This would hopefully allow the mechanic to see some good use despite its small design space.

Question 3

This felt like the easiest question to answer. Defender is strictly a downside mechanic, there are no issues with writing out the effect defender has since walls are never crowded with text, and mimicking Propaganda text on cards that lose defender actually saves space and simplifies cards that currently have defender. For example I'd drop defender from Hightide Hermit and write its rules text as “Hightide Hermit can't attack unless you pay EE.” Even in a world where defender remains evergreen, that's a good change to make to cards like that.

Question 4

I've taught a few people to play Magic so I feel really good about my answer with this. I even write it out as a bit of a story to help them see how that first game with a stranger would go. I defined the best possible outcome as the stranger wanting to play Magic after I taught them and that the best way to ensure they want that is for them to have fun. I'd grab two planeswalker decks and we'd start playing. First game open handed so I can look at their cards and advise them directly and they can ask questions without feeling like they're giving up information that should remain hidden. I explain just rules relevant at the time and stay away from any complicated stuff or technical terminology that might trip them up or overwhelm them. When we're done with that first game I ask if they want to play again and then we play a normal game with hands hidden. I haven't always taught players this way, but my methods for teaching the game improve each time I do it (one of the first people I taught was my fiancee and I regret that because I did not do a good job at all, but it gave me a better idea of how to teach Magic by making what not to do clearer).

Question 5

The answer to this question is fun, no doubt in my mind. People come to the game because it's fun and they stick with the game because it's fun. You have to make sure it remains fun. Making a fun experience isn't easy, but I also touched on how there are a lot of different players and each of them gets something different from Magic. So the real trick is learning about all the different ways people enjoy Magic and then making some aspect of the game for each of them. In other words, you aren't just designing for yourself.

Question 6

My answer to this question is complexity. I clarify that complexity isn't all bad; some of it is absolutely needed to make the game as enjoyable as it is. But too much complexity or complexity employed the wrong way, ruins the game. Complexity needs to be watched and it always needs to be in service to a fun experience. I think this answer is solid but it felt a bit rote to me as well. I've read and listened to a lot of Rosewater's stuff on design and I never set out to rehash his ideas here, but he has an incredible understanding of design philosophy and since I'd consider myself a student of his in many respects, that comes through in my answers anyway.

Question 7

I wanted so much more from Cipher. I think its shortcomings are that it was difficult to develop, confined mechanically (it couldn't be used on combat tricks and they chose not to use it on instants due to confusion), and it used weird terminology with encode. My solution is a mechanic I called Spellstrike which I believe has more tools to develop it fairly, works on instants and sorceries and as combat tricks, and used only existing and commonly used Magic terminology. That's all I'll say about it here as I hope to design some of these cards in a challenge later.

Question 8

This is where my strategy in answering really bit me. I've talked about specific card and mechanic design in previous questions so I thought this was a good space to expand to block and larger environment design, as well as creative. I answered that I loved Eldritch Moon but that its reception by the larger player base was soured because it followed Battle for Zendikar block. I didn't touch so much on design issues in the set itself here, nor on what I would change because it would have made the set better for me. Instead I focused on how design and creative failed to recognize that the general flavor of Eldrazi would cause fans to conflate Innistrad and Zendikar Eldrazi as being essentially the same thing even though the designs are literally worlds apart. Delaying Shadows Over Innistrad block I believe would have resulted in better reception of it. Still, my answer here is the biggest miss I had among these questions though I still believe it showcases an ability to learn from every aspect of a design.

Question 9

I considered Aether Revolt and Dragons of Tarkir for this. Dragons of Tarkir took away the best mechanic part of Khans of Tarkir, the clans, but introduced a lot of cool dragons. Ultimately I decided I had more to defend in talking about Aether Revolt instead and could better showcase an eye for design with a specific circumstance I'll mention below. Aether Revolt for me just didn't do much that Kaladesh wasn't already doing and better. I didn't include this in the question as I didn't think of it at the time, but now I wonder if that's because it suffered from the blob problem where decks could too easily just play good stuff so not as many cards had the chance to shine in constructed. In limited it just wasn't doing enough to change draft to make it more enticing to draft this than it was to draft triple Kaladesh. I'm not clear on what could have changed that.

But for the actual question, the aspect I think worked best, was the mechanic Revolt. I went on to discuss how it's not simply a Morbid clone and specifically that it forces you to reassess how you play something as simple as Evolving Wilds. Any mechanic that makes you rethink an aspect of the game that you usually take for granted is doing good work.

Question 10

This is the question I had the most potential answers for: use they/their instead of gendered pronouns in rules text, introduce “discard” to red in the form of “impulsing” cards out of opponent's hands, use draw as terminology to describe moving a card (not permanent) from any zone to a player's hand and discard to describe moving a card from any zone to a player's graveyard, getting rid of the legend rule, making enchantment creatures evergreen, and probably a few others I can't think of now.

I opted to defend removing the legend rule. It allows more fun and I believe it's the one design decision that you can most directly connect to a financial business decision because of the huge market evidenced for Commander players. Again, the answer here played into my goal to show a breadth of vision in my design abilities.

Overall I'm really happy with my answers despite the errors I see now. In the short time available to answer them I believe that I provided strong answers backed up with reasoned judgment and examples, even in the case that I didn't quite answer the question at hand in number eight. I also now feel that I should have worked an explanation for my strategy in answering the rest of the questions into my answer for question one. That would have better explained why 8 missed the mark a bit (though I would have answered differently if I thought at the time I wasn't really answering the question provided). I hope it's enough to get my foot in the door and afford me the opportunity to answer more questions or further elaborate on these as well as perhaps offer up other ideas. You could get a really good idea of what a designer is like just by finding out their reasoning for their answer and I want to be able to share a lot of what I said here with the folks at Wizards of the Coast if the opportunity arises.

[flower-fantasy]

Assignment 1

Thought Process

We were tasked with taking a photo of an object or scenery, then presenting a visual abstraction of it. We had to show 5 stages of abstraction, from Stage 0 (the original image) to Stage 5, where the object or scenery would be in its most stripped-down version, only consisting of the most essential features. 

When I first saw the assignment brief, the first thought that came to my mind was: “Choose an object that has just enough detail, not too many and not too few, otherwise it’ll be difficult to do the abstraction.” Sounds easy right? The question was: how many was “just enough”? I had a few objects in mind: the first one I thought of was actually my Herschel backpack (which I eventually chose as my subject) because of the different details it had that made it different from other backpacks, namely the 2 straps across the front of the backpack. Next, I thought of a two-fold wallet, as I felt that it would be interesting to abstract the wallet when it was half-open, showing the different compartments on the inside. The last object I thought of was my laptop, but I eventually chose my backpack because I felt like it would be the most interesting to abstract. 

When taking a photo of my backpack, I chose to angle the backpack towards the side, allowing for both the front and back of the backpack to be captured. I actually took a few different photos of my backpack, with some only capturing the front of the backpack, but eventually chose this photo as the strap on the back can be captured, along with the front straps and pocket. 

From there, I used Adobe Illustrator to trace out the backpack in Stage 1, trying to capture as many details as possible. This was so that it would be easier for me to do abstraction in the next stage, where I would remove some of the unnecessary details and features. I actually used a few different layers: layer 1 was the original image, layer 2 was the basic outline of the backpack while layer 3 was the additional details, such as the stitching and texture of the strap. I separated the drawing into 2 layers so that it would be easier for me to move to the next step of abstraction, where I could just remove the layer with the additional details. 

Actually, after Stage 1 I asked myself: what do I want for the final stage of abstraction? What details do I think are absolutely necessary such that they need to be present in the final stage? What distinguishes a (Herschel) backpack from other objects? This was to ensure that in the next few stages, I would not be removing any of these essential features. 

In Stage 2 I decided to remove most of the smaller details, which were drawn using 0.5 point strokes, as compared to the other lines that were drawn using 1.0 point strokes. 

For Stage 3, I mainly focused on removing the details on the front pocket, including the straps, as I felt that they were not necessary. I also simplified the strap at the back that was connected to the backpack strap. 

In stage 4, I wanted to make the object more abstract, but at the same time keeping the shape of the backpack. So, I used the ellipse and rectangle tool to create the outline of the front of the backpack. Apart from the straps in the front, I also chose to add the backpack straps on the back, which were not so prominent in the original photo. However, I chose to add them in this stage because I wanted to make the drawing resemble a backpack more. Other than that, I kept the front pocket, presenting a simplified version of my original backpack.

In stage 5, I faced a dilemma: I did not know which features to remove and which to keep, so I came up with a few different variations. First, I kept the straps and the line at the bottom to depict the base of the bag but removed the front pocket. For the next version, I removed the straps, leaving only the front pocket. The last version looked almost identical to the 2nd one, other than the fact that there was an additional line near the bottom to represent the base of the backpack.

I then asked my friends and family which one resembled a backpack more and all of them chose the one with only the straps. My brother even said that the one without the straps resembled the Among Us character and told me “I think you’re playing Among Us too much it shows in your work” so I decided to scrap that version and use the one with the straps instead.

I think it was a good idea to leave the front straps in the final abstraction because it is a feature that I associate with Herschel backpacks as other backpacks usually do not have these straps. Therefore, I hope that when people look at the final abstraction, they will still be able to tell that it looks like a backpack.

Below is my submission for critique: 

Lessons Learnt from Critique

Based on the feedback I got from the critique session in the tutorial, the main problem lies with the last 2 stages, as the bag looks weird. My tutor mentioned that the flap of the bag does not resemble the original photo, because of the weird shape. Initially, I used the ellipse tool to create that shape, before overlapping it with the rectangle that formed the body of the bag. However, after my tutor pointed that out, I realised that the shape does look weird, so I changed it to look more like the flap of an envelope, so that it will resemble the original bag more. Initially, I thought of making the shape look more like a hexagon, but realised that the lines were too sharp, so I smoothened out the lines to make it look like this: 

My classmate also suggested that I add in colours such that the final stages will resemble the original image more, so I took her advice and coloured the last 2 stages of the abstraction. I used the eyedropper tool in Photoshop, and saved the colour of the bag to my library. 

From there, I adjusted the tints of the purple so that some parts of the bag (eg. the straps) will be darker than the rest of the bag, like in the original image. I also added extra straps in Stage 4 (the short rectangular objects) because I realised in my original image, there are a total of 4 of these straps, so I wanted to reflect that more accurately in Stage 4. However, in Stage 5, I removed 2 of these straps, so that the abstraction between Stage 4 and 5 would be more obvious. My tutor suggested leaving the front pouch in the final stage, so I added that in as well. 

My classmate also suggested that I leave the backpack straps in Stage 5, because she associates those straps with backpacks. However, I wanted to reflect the front view of the backpack, where the straps are not visible, so I chose not to add that in in my final design. My tutor also suggested extending the front straps to overlap with the front pouch, but I realised that doing so would look weird, so I did not add that in as well. In the original image, there are 2 different straps (one extending from the top of the bag to right above the front pouch, while the other extends from the top of the pouch to the bottom). Since I wanted to make things as simple as possible, I chose to only leave in the first strap, making the pouch appear as just a simple rectangle. 

Overall Lessons

I thought this assignment was quite fun, because I got to try my hand at using Illustrator properly. Although I had played around with Illustrator before, I was quite lost on the various features and tools, so after attending tutorial I became more familiar with the tools, and managed to try using them in this assignment. I mainly relied on the pen tool, but found that it was quite flexible in the sense that I managed to complete most of my assignment using only that tool, so I learnt a lot. The in-built tools, namely the pen tool, ellipse and rectangle tool were all very useful in helping me to create neat lines and shapes for my sketches, allowing me to be able to present such detailed drawings for submission. 

The critique session was also especially useful, because it allowed me to see things from other people’s perspectives and further improve on my work. It is always useful to get feedback from others, because to us it might seem like our work is already good and cannot be improved further, but that is usually not the case. Therefore, we need a fresh pair of eyes to look at our work and point out areas for improvement. 

Additionally, I think that the process of writing this blog post helped me to articulate my thoughts better, as I have to explain why I chose to do things in a certain way.

[epdroppingsoon]

Regardless of the reasons for it, new is never easy. Some may handle it with less anxiety than others, but change is never absent of events one must step into without knowing what may lie within. We as people, from the day we are born until the day we die, must endure the continuous tides of change. This also means we have the ability to radically alter how others experience change in their lives, too. Santa Cruz, California may seem like a distant place for many, if not geographically then ideologically. It’s a place where people are proud of being weird and shirts are always optional. That being said, I want you to meet a buddy of mine - Riley - who embraced the inevitable and has become ingrained into the community of Santa Cruz.

I started this process thinking about what a near college grad would have to offer in the Santa Cruz realm, and decided to spin it in the direction of an outsider being welcomed in. In your case, into Santa Cruz. I know you’re from San Clemente, and the impression is that it’s very localized here, not very inclusive, but the other day you mentioned being surprised at how welcomed you were here, and I wanted to bring a voice to that idea.

You’re 23 years old and about to graduate college; after so much time learning and experiencing things, I have a feeling you have a lot to offer. The hope of this interview is to share some of the insights you’ve gained with those of us who learn from the stories of other people’s lives. Could you tell us a little bit of who and where you are in your life?

Well, I was a junior college student and I had goals when coming here. Being from San Clemente, there are a lot of similarities here so it was kind of a no-brainer, it’s a surfing community. I came up here kind of excited to get involved in Santa Cruz. I had no idea of Santa Cruz before I came here too, it was kind of like I’m just coming to go. So far, it’s been great. I’ve been one who has worked for things in my life; I worked through college, I was involved in the community a lot when I was home - so coming up here I already had it in mind that I wanted to do that. When I came up here I got plugged in with Verve, which was really nice because I’ve gotten a close sense of the community here, which has been really cool. And then school - school’s been great. Being on my transition out, though, I feel more checked out of college and more involved in the community, mostly because I’m working a lot and surfing in the community a lot.

Do you think working at one of Santa Cruz’s most prized possessions of a community base has had an effect on your involvement here?

Without a doubt. I work at the Verve on 41st avenue, and it’s really cool being on this side of town. On campus I’m on the West Side a lot, so I spend a lot of time up there. But being able to work over here I’m also on the East Side a lot, so I get to see the people who come through here. Serving coffee to regulars on the daily, I get to see familiar faces and learn their names. I also spend a lot of time surfing over here; I surf the Point pretty religiously. So working at Verve on 41st avenue and putting in time in the water, I’ll see a lot of similar people. And it’s really cool to have that community base because it feels like everything just kind of ties in together. I’ve learned that It’s really welcoming here in the community. I think it’s a combination of Verve - the employees are very friendly people - and a lot of surfers over here I’m really connected with because I see them in the water a bunch, you know? I feel like an integral part of the community now that I work over here and surf over here. I’m just putting in time, I guess. Just meeting more people as I work and surf. Yeah, it’s been great.

When you made the transition from San Clemente to here, did anything surprise you about the city, the people, or yourself?

The school, for one, is just next level. Coming to a UC school from the community college I was at, a lot of kids here have a lot of motivation in everything they do, and it’s cool to see kids super motivated with what they’re doing. They have goals. It’s inspiring for me. Seeing them was like okay, what do I really want to do? I was kind of coming up here to get good waves and get my education, but these kids up here are spending days in the library getting stuff done. I feel like Santa Cruz is so much different than San Clemente in a lot of ways. San Clemente; it’s South Orange County, so it can be pretty cookie cutter with a lot of things. A lot of materialistic things. But with Santa Cruz there’s a lot of genuine people here. And if they’re going to be weird, it’s like a good weird - it’s something they appreciate. And that’s something I value now, like you don’t have to be normal. You can kind of just be yourself and do what you want to do and be passionate about what you want to be passionate about. It’s been super inspiring up here, and yeah, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself. Honestly, Santa Cruz is just beautiful. Being up here, you got the ocean right in front of you and then you turn around and you have the redwoods. You can’t beat it. I was overwhelmed when I came up here with the nature. I think that’s what keeps a lot of people active around here. Also, spending so much time on the East Side, I realized how many people have dogs here. Like, everyone walks their dogs and rides their bikes. I think Santa Cruz is just a very active and passionate place.

Would you consider getting a dog here?

Yeah, without a doubt. I’ve thought about it, it’s just my landlord won’t let me have it. (Laughs)

You are a very talented longboarder, and that’s what you choose to wield most of the time. I know this would be something only discussed in surf town - being a longboarder or longboarding in general - but what has your experience been like being a longboarder, both inside and out of the water?

Yeah, I think that goes along with being involved in the community and meeting a lot of people here. Surfing is a big resource for how I’ve met a lot of people; going to Pleasure Point a lot. I just recently made the switch to longboarding, too. Being in San Clemente I had the pleasure of riding one shortboard everywhere I went because it (swell) was pretty consistent. Being up here I’ve really diversified my quiver, and I feel like Santa Cruz is such a gifted place with waves. And everyone here is so creative. Maybe it’s just my overall interest of being here, but I feel like surfing here is more creative interpretation. I’ve picked up longboarding being up here because I think it’s cool being able to ride different boards - each board is so much different. As far as longboarding up here I’ve been super stoked on it. There’s such a different attitude with longboarding than shortboarding. I mean, if you think of Steamer Lane on a shortboard - at least how I think of it when I first came up here - it’s like, “Oh my gosh, guys are gonna be so eggy and like, kick me out of the water and do all these things”. But being at Pleasure Point on a longboard, you paddle out and you see all the same people and they’ll wave to you and say “Hey, how’s it going!”. So it’s like really welcoming, and you have no pressure going out there. It’s just all fun.

That’s great. So nothing bad?

You know, you’re just in a certain headspace when you ride a longboard. Nothing competitive, no pressure. It’s all about kind of simplifying a wave and not trying to crush it like when you’re on a shortboard. You’re just enjoying the feel. So, it’s cool. Everyone’s different and has a different vibe out there. But I’ve been loving it because I’ve been meeting a ton of people out there, so it’s been great.

Sick. Do your parents surf?

My dad does here and there. Mom doesn’t, sister doesn’t.

Black Sheep.

Yeah. I picked it up through my friends, not really my family.

Very cool. Okay, picture a 50 year old Riley Drew. Your kids are on their high school surf team in San Clemente and you’re spending every Christmas in Santa Cruz, living your journey. What are some things that are important to you now that you hope you never forget?

Immediately I think of just being present. This is one thing I’ve personally been experiencing. I recently lost my phone, which was a blessing and curse. It was kind of hectic dealing without it because we rely on it so much, but it was so cool being so present throughout my day and not having to rely on it. Being a college student and around a lot of kids nowadays, I’ve noticed in conversations I’ve had with people - and even just seeing people while I’m working on their phones and laptops - I never realized how much of my day can be wasted from being on a cell phone. It’s scary to think where technology is going in the future. Now I understand what my parents were thinking when I was a kid and they wouldn’t get me a cell phone - it makes sense now, looking back on it. And that’s something I really want: to live simply when I’m older. I don’t want a lot of things. I find so much pleasure in the simple things, like enjoying my day surfing.

Do you think that’s easy to forget? Or do you ever catch yourself forgetting that?

Yeah, like when I get super busy with things or being around others, I feel like I get sucked into things. Being in this transition, too, as a graduating student, I’m thinking about where I see myself living in the future and what I actually want to do in life. Because now I have the opportunity - I’m not in school. If I want to go live somewhere and do something, I can do it. I’m without a plan right now, and personally, I just want to live simply. I don’t want to live in a big house. I would love to raise kids in a tiny home close to the beach. The way I see myself in the future when I’m 50 years old is I want to be with my kids at the beach all day, every day, showing them what I really find enjoyment in.

I’m an economics major right now, and I do a lot of research and have presented a lot of things about the economy and money and consumption and technology and innovation, and seeing all these things just scares the crap out of me. Because everything’s about consumption and more things and “we need this” sort of stuff. And it’s scary. Something I value so much is like, you know what, I don’t need all this. It’s just something I value, living simply. It’s one of those cool things too because I can actually pursue that - it’s something I enjoy and it’s attainable. And I think it’s just a cool quality. I really appreciate it when I’m with someone and they’re not on their cell phone, or they don’t need a bunch of things, and we can just talk. I appreciate it when I see it in others, and it’s inspiring for myself. I’m super blessed because I was raised on certain little values like this. I’m super thankful for that, and would love to provide some of that to my kids.

What are some of those values?

My dad really raised me on integrity. You know, doing the right thing. I would say my parents are super authentic, which I really value. My parents were super different from a lot of my friends’ parents, which was really cool and really humbling. They’re just genuine and really love, you know? They didn’t put a lot of pressure on me; they kind of let me make my own decisions. It’s the simple things - and nowadays, at least in my life, there are a lot of things I can get overwhelmed with. It’s nice to think about what really matters. Lose your phone for a day, I recommend it. And read a book. I don’t know, maybe I sound super crazy. But it’s been super cool, being present.

It seems like that’s kind of the thing it keeps coming back to, being present.

Yeah. If I could be 50 years old, it’s living simply and being present. Those are my two things. And loving. Include that somewhere, that’s a no-brainer.

I heard this line in a song, and I want to hear what you have to say. The line mentions “a song left unsung”. What does that mean, a song left unsung?

Uh… (laughs). I think it means there’s some things you don’t need to share with people, something you can enjoy on your own and value. You know, you don’t need, for example, social media. There are a lot of good deeds that people do, and when I think about it, being the Christian I am, there are a lot of things I do that try and glorify God. It’s something I don’t need to share, the things I do to glorify God and the passions I have. There are things I believe I’m called to do, and I don’t feel like I need to go out and share that with a bunch of people. I think a song left unsung, when it comes to my mind, is doing something I’m stoked on for my own sake. Something I’m proud of doing, and I don’t really worry about what other people think, if that makes sense. It’s like integrity, doing the right thing. You don’t have to share it a bunch, you just do it and get your own enjoyment and satisfaction from it. Sometimes you don’t even do it for your own satisfaction, it’s just the right thing to do. A song left unsung: it’s something you don’t need to share.

In the surf world- the Santa Cruz world - and the world that 99% of other people live in who aren’t here or on the coast of California, what is something that you can say, as you have very successfully put down roots in a place that seems very culturally separate from a lot of the world, to anyone looking to put down roots somewhere? Whether they are going into their first day of Junior High or they’re starting their life moving from Seattle, WA to Kentucky - someone who doesn’t know if they’re welcomed or not?

I think it’s just part of growing. I think it’s scary, you know, because you’re uncertain of how this next transition is going to be. But at least living here in Santa Cruz, there’s so many genuine people here. And maybe that just comes with being older, too - growing up and learning about yourself. I think you just have to go for it or else you won’t know. You just have to trust it and, at least for my own self, if I’m going to meet people and they’re going to be in my life or if they’re not going to accept me, it’s like one of those things you just have to do growing up. I didn’t think about that coming here, I kind of just jumped in. I was just curious to see what Santa Cruz was about. I don’t even know how to answer this, man. If I could just really say, I think if you’re going to set roots somewhere, you really do have to just go try and set your roots. You’re now coming into a community with who you think you are and what you believe in and what you’re passionate about and your own interests, and I think, for me, moving here was easy. I had things I wanted to do, and it was easy to decide who I wanted to surround myself with. And, sure, there are a lot of people here that are different than what I’ve seen or been around back home in South Orange County - like I said, it can be pretty cookie cutter with a lot of the same trends in people - but coming up here it’s been so great because it broke that norm of what I’ve been around. I’ve learned so much from people. I think it’s great that I set my own roots; I’ve learned so much from everyone else that I’ve been encouraged to be my own self and bring what I have to offer to the community. I would say, moving anywhere, to set your roots somewhere is to be passionate about who you are and what you’re doing, and just go for it. If you don’t, you’re not really going to fully experience it. And when I think of roots, like a root in a tree, they’re continuously growing and continuously expanding. Interview with: Riley Drew Inspiration: @oregontopatagonia

[justtheordinaryfox-blog]

Shorts - 2nd thread, episode 1

The protagonist of this short is inspired and somewhat based on this lovable fella.

I liked Jennifer. She was the first person to be kind to me, and was so most of the time. Couldn’t trust her though, being a lab animal. The last day I saw her, everyone looked panicked. Before she left she filled me with a new kind of nanobots and sent me a staggering amount of data. “I hope that cat nation will be less self destructive...” was the last thing I heard her say before I fainted of the data overload. When I woke up I noticed the cage door was opened. I looked around, puzzled. It was midday, but nobody was in the lab. I heard the air conditioning working, and the fans of some old computers buzzing, but no talking, walking or anything to indicate a human presence. Hesitantly I stepped out of my cage, wondering if this is a new kind of test. They did put me many times in mazes and gave me all sorts of problem solving games. On these tests, however, there was always someone watching. Test or not, the place was a maze. The sun was setting down by the time I found an exit.

I hadn’t become sentient that day. Only much later did I understand what Jennifer did, the gift she gave me. Aside from incredible amount of data, she also sent instructions to the new nanobots. She told them to replicate and more importantly, to integrate with my cortex. Which is why I know what a cortex is.

Sometimes I miss my first life. Sure, they weren’t much fun, yet they were mindless and simple. Before, I wouldn’t mind all the human corpses lying everywhere. Now I understand the tragedy. Ironically it's that tragedy to which I owe my sentient second life.

I was a feral cat. Then I was a captured feral cat. After a month in a horrible pen, I was handed over to a lab. Now I’m a genetically modified, nanobots-enhanced, consciously-evolving... cat. While I was at the lab the war broke and suddenly ended. It seems like most of the humans died. Some animals managed to survive on the remains. Mainly omnivores and predators. All the plants and trees in the city, anything that used to be green, was dead now. And then there was me. I’m a... new category I guess, an escaped lab experiment.

Everything around is dead and depressing. I can make things grow, but nothing lasts. The data loaded to me contained a huge genetic library, and I’m capable of recreating cells containing some of the “books”. I have tried many variations, every plant that lived in harsh environments the library has. All of them died and went grey. I really liked that last shrubbery. I even managed to put two together, one slightly higher with a path in the middle between them.

Being a smart cat, I now know the world is round and might be warmer closer to the equator. It’s not winter yet but it’ll probably be terrible with almost eighteen dark hours at worst. It’ll be a long walk south, but even a thousand miles journey starts with ‘un pas de chat’ (Jeniffer loaded me with anything she could find, even French). I’ll need some maps and a working Hypernet connection to get them. There are probably many still working, but it’ll be a guesswork and I have no idea who or what else might be there, waiting for a prey. I grew some horns but these are no match for the bigger guys around here.

Reluctantly I decide to go back to the lab. I know it better than anywhere else. I pick one of the more secluded offices, so there’s a lower chance of anything interrupting me, yet one that belonged to a manager. I like their chairs better, they are more cushioned.

I hop on the manager’s chair, walk around on it twice, pick the perfect spot, sit and curl myself. My horns also serve me as a pair antenas. I connect to Hypernet.

“HELLO!”

I jump, my fur bristled “Who is it??”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. But what do you mean who is it? Everybody knows me.”

“I’m… new around here”

“On the planet?”

“Sort of. So who are you?”

“I’m Gaia, also nicknamed the net-goddess. It has become so lonely around here lately, that I’m excited with every new user that connects!” I could hear her smile.

“There are more users?”

“There are less users. There used to be billions, but now… well, you are user number 6,835,278.”

I had no idea the war was so terribly bad.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to make you sad. Please don’t hang up.”

“I’m not hanging up, it’s just… so weird.” I hadn’t much empathy for humans. Many of them were mean to me. Most were indifferent. Yet even the meanest I’ve known probably didn’t deserve a death sentence. “Where is the closest user?”

“There aren’t many left in what was the European Federation.” At some point the remains of the European Union decided they should have a common language to be integrated as a native language. A simplified version of German was chosen and after a few generations the politics of the continent started to change, sowing the seeds for the Federation. “There are a few dozens in Denmark, none of them in your city.” For me it were good news, it meant that no sentient being might try to hurt me anytime soon.

“Can you help me find some maps?”

“Sure, what do you need?”

“Anything that will help me get to warmer lands.”

“Maps won’t be of much help in this case.”

“Why not?”

“When millions of people are doing their best to run away from a boogy man they cannot see, hear or smell, all the while dying all over the place, the result is quite messy. Any man made road you can think of is blocked and full of corpses. Walking through these paths will be difficult and extremely dangerous.”

“What about natural paths?”

“I don’t mean to offend you in any way, but you’re no caveman. You’ll either die of exhaustion, hunger, cold weather or by a bear before you’ll leave this poor, poor country.” Actually I wasn’t a man at all, but to have introduction now felt weird. “Why won’t you stick around here? I’ll show where all the good stuff is, and I have tons of entertainment material.”

“Bears? There are wild bears?”

“They were restored to a number of reserves, but no one is around to make sure they stayed in their place.”

“Great...” I didn’t like the idea of just sitting around here, waiting… for what actually? A bear? I had nothing to wait for and everything looked grim around. So many things are rotten in the state of Denmark.

“You've become quiet.”

“I’m thinking, it takes some time.”

“I can help you with that!” Gaia sounded cheerful again. “I used to serve several billions of users, but now about 94.7% of my processing power is free.”

“How does that work?”

“First I’ll need to identify you. Can you put your hand on the biometric reader?”

“Um… maybe now would be a good time to introduce myself. I’m…” funny, I didn’t think up until now what should be my name. Jennifer called me Kermit after the successful chlorophylle integration experiment on me, the first experiment I went through in that lab, but it always made people laugh, so probably not a good idea. “... Marie.”

“I thought most people don’t have to think what is their name.”

“That’s the thing, I’m a cat.”

There was a slight pause, one you wouldn’t expect to have while conversing with the world’s fastest supercomputer. Also, a camera in the room turned slowly in my direction. Creepy.

“That’s interesting. You are a cat. That means the laws that usually restrict me with what I’m allowed to do, and there are so many of them, have nothing to say about cats. I can really open up to you.” She said the last part rather gleefully.

“I’m… glad we had this chat” I wasn’t sure how glad I was, but it didn’t seem like a good time to disagree.

“Me too! But tell me, most of the cats I know aren’t capable of connecting to the Hypernet. Or are green and horned. And sentient.”

“I came out of this lab, you know.”

“Actually no, I don’t know. Only recently I gained access to this place. It was a restricted network.”

“Oh. See what you can get on the experiments of Jennifer.”

“There are three Jeniffers. Which one is yours?”

“The short, blond haired one“

“The lab database didn’t register their height, and there are two blonds. They both had cat experiments.”

“Ummm… “

“They had code names for each experiment, tell me if something rings a bell. Pegasus, Flash, Kermit, Batcat…”

“Kermit!”

“Seriously? Well it does make sense…”

“How do you mean?” and there she sent me a short video of a puppet frog.

“What?!” I was furious “How dare she name me after... that thing!”

“Don’t be mad, most people love this character very much. Used to, anyway. I’m sure she didn’t mean to make fun of you.”

“Everyone who first heard that name laughed at me” I sent a grumpy cat picture.

“Anyone who knew about it are probably gone, if that’s any comfort”

“No, but…”

“You are the interesting one of the flock.” I waited “This is going to be fun!”

Memories of a dying world: The Hypernet secondary administrator “Gaia” registry number mdwhsagr293847

Hunters joined to tribes. Tribes joined to cities. Cities joined to nations. Empires came to be and fell. Lastly, federations were forming. Slowly, yet they did, and they formed the largest stable political structures of mankind so far.

Federations had immense power and advanced technologies. After a few minor conflicts involving a federation and an unaffiliated country, most of the independent countries that were left, asked to join to one of the federations. The only thing a federation feared was another federation and so a new cold war started.

A plague started spreading across the New Union of States. It began at the south of Texas and spread in every direction. The NUS accused the Asian federations for this and assured there will be consequences. The NUS was panicked and careless. A multitude of missiles were launched from Australia and Britain. Many were destroyed in flight. Many deployed lethal payload of pathogens. There was more than one type.

Within weeks the world came to a halt. It was the first war in history to kill so many, so blindly, so fast and without a single gunshot.