#weiner takes all

[thereisnofood]

it is insane to me the amount of trans people that barely know anything more than surface level info about SRS. like i see transmascs criticize meta and phallo and complaining about how theyre ""the only two options "" while not actually knowing about how many techniques and variations there are, for each of those surgeries, depending on an individuals wants/needs. someone on twitter was describing their ideal surgery as if it didnt exist, like they straight up described extended metoidioplasty to a tee and they have no fucking idea that thats a thing you can do. like bro spend any time at all reading posts from post-op trans people and surgeons im begging you

[jamesunderwater]

Tarot question, the high priestess!

The high priestess: what is your dream date?

Well, since it didn't say it had to be a first date I'm gonna say this would be with someone I've come to feel safe with but I'm still getting to know: we have a whole day set aside, and with a parameter of going at most maybe 2 hrs outside our city, we each pick a place that represents something abt the core of who we are. So I take them to the closest biggest body of water and tell them about growing up in Florida and how the ocean knows me in ways humans never can. Maybe they take me to a random town they've never been to before and we go antiquing bc they like seeing new places rather than old, and antiquing is what they did with their grandma growing up. Or, idk, they have us hike to the highest point within the radius and tell me how they like hikes with a challenge because when their legs burn and their heart rate increases they feel wild, like they belong there in the forest. And while we're driving we both play songs for each other that have meant something to us in our lives, taking turns, telling stories, their song reminds me of one from when I was 9 that I forgot existed, they haven't listened to this genre in ages and start remembering all the songs they used to love. When we get back to our city we get ice cream. I go home buzzing and dance around my apartment with my cats to one of the songs they shared.

[doctorcurdlejr]

It took me forever to finish my Vonnegut presentation I had to put together for class because I kept finding just nuts things in this playboy interview I was skimming. How are these from the same interview

[wellnesscard]

if you guys want a guy thats the sweetest snuggler and so spunky and hilarious still at 10y old get u a chiweenie

[clownboy-yeehonk]

Something about the wretched florescent lights in a tj Maxx dressing room simply removes both my self esteem and my will to live with a surgical precision that boggles the mind

[teaboot]

One of the best parts about working at a sex shop is the employee discount, and yeah that means excellent deals on sex supplies but that's not the big brain part.

You come to my house. Something is cooking in the kitchen- it smells wonderful. What is it? It's novelty dick-shaped pasta. I've set up a sensual sexy Italian dinner. There are candles set up on the table. They're melting too fast, dripping everywhere- they're low temp waxplay pillar candles. For dessert, I serve you a delicious ice cream topped in penis-shaped rainbow confetti sprinkles and strawberry body paint drizzle, and afterwards, serve coffee with roasted hazelnut warming lube.

We play a board game while we drink. It's sexy monopoly. It's your turn. You roll the dice. They come up as 'whisper into' and 'butt'. I lost the original dice. We're using the sexy dice. You move four spaces.

After dinner, I run you a bath. A bubble bath. The bubble gel? Sensual ocean breeze. There are candles lined up around the tub. The scent is overpowering. Why? They're three-in-one fruit flavored massage oil candles. I'm using so much. It's so wasteful. Do you want to shave? I have conditioning shave cream that smells like limes. And an electric body razor, but you can't use that in the tub.

How about a bath bomb? You toss one in. It's cherry blossom scented. As it dissolves, three sexy bath sex suggestion cards fall out. They're all variations on doggy style, probably because fucking in a bathtub is probably the easiest way to break your hip.

The water cools. You get out an dry off with a novelty towel. If you wrap it around your chest, it looks like you have gigantic tatas bursting through the fabric like the Hulk.

You walk into the bedroom. I'm there, reading an instructional book titled "The Housewife's Guide To Every Day Stripping". I'm wearing a neck pillow designed to look like a massive curved weiner. Also a pair of fake leather bondage leggings and an oversized men's christmas T-shirt that says "Jingle My Bells" across the front.

I see you come in. I put down the book, take off the pillow. Offer you a massage. You accept. I already burned up all the massage candles so I pop a new bottle of CBD massage oil that says something wrong about Chakras on it. It's very gritty. That's because there's little chunks of amethyst in it for some fucking reason. It's fine, though. You say you don't mind.

I don't do massages very often. It's bad. You end up more tense than before. One of your muscles starts to cramp- it's okay. I whip out a bottle of Lidocane topical masculine performance numbing spray. You immediately feel like your shoulder went to the dentist. It's not ideal, but it's better than cramping.

You're not in the mood to bone after that. Which is good, cause I'm actually pretty asexual, but it hasn't come up yet so I'm relieved to avoid the conversation. Instead we get ready for bed. (The weather is terrible, and I insist you stay over.) I set up the futon, then realize it smells like cigarettes from the previous owner and shyly ask if you wanna cuddle in my room. You're down.

I crawl under the covers, placing my penis-shaped pink glitter pride bottle on the side table in case one of us wakes up thirsty. Once you're settled in, I turn off the glowing bare ass night light and the room goes black.

It takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust, but when they do, you look up at the ceiling. It's dotted all over with little green flourescent lights. Are they plastic stars? No. I've pinned up a thousand glow in the dark condoms. God bless

[libraford]

Park Cleanup Pet Peeves

I'll be starting my seasonal gig at Parks and Rec in a couple months and I've got a couple things I wanna say. I know that this will probably not reach the people who need to hear it, but if ONE LESS person leaves the parks a mess, I will be That Much Happier.

-You're not supposed to smoke, drink, or have sex in public parks but I know that people will anyway. But if you are going to do those things, please dispose of the evidence in the trash cans. A human has to pick these things up.

-Dog poop goes in a bag. Bag goes in the trash can.

-The little wax paper liners in the women's room? See you're supposed to put your pad/tampon in that wax paper bag, take the bag out of the bin, and then dispose of it in the actual trash can. Don't feel bad, no one told me either. Also no one told the dudes I work with. But this reduces direct exposure to bodily fluids, especially as the summer gets on and it gets hot in those bathrooms.

-On that subject! The little bins that they go in next to the toilet? Don't stick trash in there. Don't put diapers in there. Also don't put beer cans crushed in such a specific way that I slice my hand on them as I try to jimmy it out of there. Literally, that bin is too small for most things. They are meant specifically for those brown bags. Please for the love of god, throw things in the trash can.

-As for the urinals, please no solids. Most commonly gum and chewed tobacco, but you can use your imagination.

-If you're doing a photo shoot or an event with confetti, please use a paper confetti instead of a plastic one- its easier to get rid of.

-If you're doing a pizza party, we'd rather you stack the pizza boxes in a pile next to the trash can instead of trying to fit them in the trash. Because then we can just throw the trash bag over the top and tie it instead of trying to fish it out. This kind of goes for any big trash- if it won't fit in the trash can easily, don't try.

-Please don't call cops on people sleeping in the parks if they're not bothering anyone. Even if they've been sleeping there all day. Dude's just trying to chill.

-Destruction of the toilets will result in the indefinite locking of the restrooms. You ruined them and now everyone at the softball tournament can blame you for it.

-Parks people are not the police. We are maintenance workers who are not trained to handle most emergencies and the most we can do in any situation is report to the proper department. Please don't look to us for answers if someone is starting a fight.

-Also please don't spit on us for driving on the path. We're permitted to. Its essential for us to drive on the path to do our job.

-please don't abandon animals at the park. Rehome them properly. I spent a whole week trying to catch a rooster last summer.

-look, I get it- 'oh no, your pretty building has writing on it!' Grafitti is so edgy. We get it. But it means Jacob has to sand it off now so that the kids at the birthday party don't see a giant drawing of a weiner. Acts of rebellion that create more work for the working class are not revolutionary.

-please do not set fire to the Tiny Free Library. Why did you do that? That's mean.

-please do not feed bread to ducks and geese. Corn, birdseed, lettuce- those are better for them. If you want to reduce tge amount of goose poop in the parks, shop feeding them bread.

-also do not anger tge geese. They remember what its like to be dinosaurs.

I'll have more later, probably, once the season wears on.

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

i lived 30 years of being able to eat pizza no problem

then one day after eating too many weiners boom i have gallstones and can only eat pizza once a month.. tho i shouldnt.. it makesmesqueasy but cravings...like i love pizza .. homemade pizza never gives much problems but i never taste as good

[a-simple-imagine]

Perfectly Pathetic

synopsis: when you take an interest in the new girl, regina takes an interest in you

pairing: regina george x plastics!fem!reader

words: 4.6k+

A/N - in the nicest of ways, please DO NOT read this if you don't want to read about toxic relationships. you have been warned. I don't want a repeat of last time. also we need more fics where regina is actually mean so

WARNINGS - swearing, alcohol use, general toxicity, toxic relationships and bullying/vague reference to weight

Buy me a ko-fi

the clash of plastic trays and idle chatter brought alive the fragile student body of North Shore High School. on the outside this may seem like any other lunch room but inside it was a carefully crafted game of chess. every move was calculated. each person has their place and if you stray too far you're at risk. you're sat next to Gretchen Weiners. known for big hair and keeping secrets, she knows everything about everyone. opposite her is Karen Shetty. she... tries her best and looks adorable doing it. a ray of sunshine if you get to know her. and before you sits the most beautiful woman you have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Regina George. effortlessly perfect but needlessly cruel. she was the most popular person in school and one of your best friends.

perfectly manicured nails stab into the skin of your cheek as your head is yanked in her direction. razor-sharp eyes stare back. "are you even listening?" the answer was no but you didn't want to say that. "what are you staring at?"

a flash of blonde as she looks behind her. you push against her grip to look too. across the room sat Janis 'imi'ike and Damian Hubbard. you hardly ever spoke to them but you were lab partners with Damian. he was funny. today, however, there was a new addition with strawberry blonde hair, a blue checkered shirt and brown pants. you knew everyone at this school to some degree. a curse of popularity. but you had never seen her before. "seems they've got themselves a new friend"

"who cares," her nails dig a little deeper drawing a pained expression as she pulls your head back to face her. She holds your gaze for a moment. a silent challenge. before fingertips glide across your cheek and she goes back to leading the conversation across the table. you pick at the food on the tray with a fork but you can't help but be intrigued. North Shore was boring and predictable. a direct result of being under Regina's control. but this girl was new and you couldn't help but be drawn to that. to the unknown. to the possibility. three pairs of eyes as you push up from the table and march across the room.

"I haven't seen you around here before." was all you could think to say as you approached the end of the table. Janis and Damian share a look before settling on... confusion. You weren't ever particularly mean to others but you were guilty by association. people mess with you. they mess with Regina.

"oh," by the look on her face, she already knew who you were or at the very least your friends. "it's my first day."

"Where did you transfer from?"

"uh... Kenya," she seems unsure. you put it down to nerves.

"you sure about that?" a curious raise of your brow. "'cause you don't sound-"

"we're leaving" stated firmly as three girls breeze past. the blonde leads the way. the other two are just a step behind.

"so what made you move all the way here from Kenya?"

"my mom got a new job."

"couldn't find one-"

the sound of your name echoes through the room bringing the world to a stop. a weird silence settles over the room. "come. now." growled through gritted teeth and paired with snapping fingers. you were being summoned like a naughty dog ignoring their owner. a sigh as all eyes fall to you. waiting to see what you'd do but make no mistake, they already knew the answer.

"I'll see you around." a flash of a smile before you scamper after Regina.

"so your ears do work." is all the girl says as she shoves you through the door. you bite back any comment because that was how this worked. you may be top of the food chain to everyone else but Regina led the pack.

as the final bell for the day rings, you're shoving things in your locker when you spot the new girl. she seems to be struggling to even open it. you watch her for a moment. a smirk settling. this was another chance to talk and this time Regina couldn't demand your presence. "need some help?" it seemed to take her by surprise as a handful of papers drifted to the floor. a small chuckle, you reach down to collect her work and hand it back. "how's your first day going?"

she shrugs, taking the papers. "it's alright."

"anyone giving you any trouble?" you ask, falling to lean against the lockers. people around here were not nice and took every chance to show it. some more than others. She shakes her head. "you sure? if anyone does anything, I can sort them out." you give her a knowing look and she offers a sort of amused smile. "so you do know how to smile, it's cute. are you gonna tell me your name or am I gonna have to guess?"

"it's cady. Cady heron."

"well, cady heron. the trick to these," you tap her locker door with your knuckle. "is to push in and pull up before trying to open it. annoying, I know but they're old." you watch her try again and this time it swings open. "see."

"Thanks." you linger as they shove some of their stuff inside. you notice a few stray stickers on the locker opposite.

"no problem." you push up from the metal. "I can show you all types of tricks to get through this hellscape if you want?" she shuts her locker and you both start walking towards the exit. "number one tip, avoid Regina."

"Isn't she your friend?"

"yeah," you nod. "that's why I said it. She can be... a lot. surely Janis told you that."

Cady looks at you for a long moment. "something like that." you let out a chuckle. Janis probably told her what a massive bitch Regina was. they had a less than favourable history.

"I should go. I'll see you around Cady Heron." as you both go your separate ways, you can't help but glance at her as she walks away.

having a study period just before lunch was both an absolutely ridiculous idea and the best thing to happen to your schedule. it basically guaranteed you didn't do any work whatsoever and felt more like a two-hour lunch period. seems you shared it with the new girl because she was sitting at a table scribbling in a book alongside Janis who was doing her normal embroidery or whatever.

"if it isn't Cady Heron," you comment, taking a seat on the bench. her face brightens at the sight.

"where's the rest of the coven?" Janis asks, not even bothering to look up from her work. "wait- don't tell me, a house fell on them."

"you're so funny Janis," an exaggerated sarcastic laugh.

"I think I can hear children singing... ding... dong the witch-"

"So Cady, how are you enjoying north shore?" you interrupt loudly and the 'song' trails off.

"It's fine."

"you don't talk much huh?"

her mouth opens but falls silent as Gretchen approaches the end of the table. she shoots you a less than favourable look. your brow furrows a little.

"Can I talk to you," pitch a little too high to say no.

"Sure," a shrug. you look at her for a long moment waiting for her to continue.

"in private," Gretchen urges. with a roll of your eyes, you stand up. flashing a smile at Cady, Gretchen grabs your hand and drags you away before you can say anything.

"what are you doing?" whisper yelled at you.

"I was just talking." god this girl was dramatic. you take your usual spot. she sits opposite.

"to the art freaks?"

"dude, it's fine."

"no it's not." she urges quickly, shaking her head "You know how Regina gets."

"Regina isn't here?" and she wouldn't be until lunch. only you and Gretchen share this free period. usually, you spend it listening to her gossip about people. she could not keep a secret to save her life at least not when it came to anyone outside of you and your friends; even then it's dicey. fun for you though.

"All I'm saying is you need to be careful,"

"don't worry. I was only interested in the new girl."

"that's worse," you just roll your eyes. "Regina doesn't like her."

"Regina doesn't even know her," you argue. "none of us do. she's been here like a week."

Gretchen thinks the idea of even wanting to talk to Cady is blasphemy. that it's better to avoid her but you think she's overreacting. Cady hadn't established herself at this school yet. right now she is with Janis but tomorrow who knows? she could be cool. it's a matter of perspective.

a pretty perfect smile does little to distract from playful eyes as you approach her jeep. the blonde is in the driver's seat. one hand rested over the steering wheel. the other typing something on her phone. She had sent a message telling you to hurry up but on arrival, neither Karen nor Gretchen were even here yet. you toss your bag in the back, climbing into your usual spot behind the driver's seat. Karen is usually next to you. "sit in the front, weirdo," she comments. you don't bother with a comeback, just moving to the front passenger seat.

"Where are the others?" you ask, glancing at her. the soft glow of the afternoon sun kissed her skin beautifully. black shades hang on the end of her nose. She really was something to be admired. Regina shrugs and then tosses her phone down. the car roars to life and you're starting down the road before you can think any more about it. it's pretty silent at first. the sound of the radio filling the space. the lack of your two other friends acting as a buffer was sitting weirdly. this wasn't your first time alone with Regina but she's been so grumpy lately. whatever you say feels like an invitation.

"so you like the new girl?" asked casually as she came to an abrupt stop at a red light. you just forward, the seatbelt digging into your neck. it drags up a quick cough but that could also be from surprise. other than that first interaction where she'd summoned you from across the room, you had never spoken to Cady when she was around. Gretchen may be dramatic but she probably wasn't wrong and you really didn't feel like risking it.

"Sorry?" feign confusion was... a choice but it seemed like the better option here.

"you like the new girl," repeated calmly; her eyes drift to you as yours move towards the traffic light. was this the longest red light in history? "right?"

now it's your turn to shrug. you find Cady intriguing but you're not entirely sure if it's interested in the way Regina is implying or just because you were so bored of the every day. "she's cool." a scoff as she pulls away continuing down the road. "you've hardly spoken to her."

"don't need to," Regina didn't miss a beat. Cady definitely didn't fit into what she'd consider cool but then again, neither had you. not entirely anyway and now you're here. you hang out with the most popular people in school. went to the hottest parties. you were currently being driven around by the Regina George. you never understood why or maybe you did and just refused to accept it was that simple. you know what everyone else says. that it's because of the attention you show her. you wouldn't necessarily say they're wrong but everyone gave her attention. She did always say there was something special about you. "I thought you at least had standards."

the rest of the car ride is silent as you think over what she said and Regina keeps to herself. the music is the only thing, keeping you sane until you pull up at the George residence. you always forget just how big her house is until you're there. As you walk inside, her mum appears abruptly startling you a little.

"hey, ms. George."

"hey girls," she singsonged. "how was school?"

"fine," Regina shoots back.

"well if you need anything? a drink? some snacks? advice? I'm here,"

"I'd actually love an iced-"

"we're good," growled as she grabbed your wrist hauling you up the stairs. "don't bother us." a confused look but she didn't let go until you were firmly inside her bedroom. door slammed shut. the blonde tosses her bag down.

"you should really be nicer to your mom, she adores you," you say idly taking a seat on the end of her bed, placing your bag down.

"you should shut up because it's none of your fucking business."

jesus christ. you kinda regret the decision to come over. "I just wanted an iced tea. maybe a little snack."

"god knows you don't need it," Regina comments. wow. okay. she was in a mood.

"what's up with you?"

"I'm fine," she responds. "you're just being so fucking annoying recently."

"I haven't done anything?" you've not been acting any differently so you have no clue what she's talking about.

"just absolutely drooling over the new girl. it's embarrassing." she declares, taking a seat on the bed.

"I..." you stop yourself because you're more confused than anything else. "we've spoken like once."

"liar" she responds. "I know you've been talking all the time," fucking Gretchen. "do you think she's pretty?"

"Cady?" Regina nods. you shrug. "I guess."

"prettier than me?" her head tilts. you can't tell if she was jealous or fishing for compliments; neither was her style. so it was probably a trap.

"no." you wanna say she's being dramatic but that wouldn't end well. She doesn't say anything, hardly even reacts. just cold eyes. Is she expecting you to say more? "of course not." you're waiting for the ball to drop. for her to make a snide comment or something. anything was better than nothing. but it just never comes. she takes out her phone and starts typing. you fall back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. you both just sit in the quiet. you're worried about saying anything that'll lead to more insults. god knows what she is doing on her phone.

"you're so pathetic." Regina eventually says. you'd take offence if you weren't used to it; basically a term of endearment at this point. you can hear her moving but don't bother looking until she's towering over you. dark eyes and a small smile that would seem genuine coming from anyone else. a hand cups your cheek but no nails follow; it's gentle and slow as she runs her thumb over your skin. what was happening right now? "do you ever think about me?" you blink a few times trying to make sense of everything. why was she being so nice? why was she being so gentle? why did she ask that?

"what do you mean?"

a roll of her pretty eyes. "you know what I mean." you did but surely not.

"I... don't know what to say."

"Because I think about you," your breathing hitches as you sit up. looking at her properly. "those pretty eyes," she moves closer. "these lips," her thumb runs over your bottom lip. you swallow hard. "do you wanna kiss me?" you just stare back. a smirk as she ghosts your lips.

"say you wanna kiss me." this felt cruel. you lean in and she pulls back slightly. a finger pressed against your lips. her expression is colder now. sharp. "say it."

"I... wanna kiss you," you dare and that smirk quickly returns. removing her finger, Regina leans in and connects your lips. it's soft and slow. not at all like you imagined kissing Regina George would feel like... until the girl pushes into you and it's exactly like you imagined. fast. forceful. like she wanted to devour you. A hand pushes you back against her massive bed and she moves to straddle your hips. your heart is beating so loudly you wouldn't be surprised if she could hear it.

"still thinking about the new girl?"

"I never-" You feel her press a little harder against your chest so you change your answer. "no." Regina tosses her hair over one shoulder, and a finger under your chin pushes your head up.

"I don't think you should talk to her anymore," Regina states before leaning down to connect your lips once more. "understood?"

you're too caught up in the moment to really gauge how serious she was being so you nod. "good girl." whispered against your lips.

Regina George had always been a lot. She always demanded attention and you often gave her it. you weren't ashamed of that. She knew you'd do anything for her. As did most of the school.

"Hey," Cady suddenly appears beside you in the hallway. she seems a lot more relaxed around you which was nice to see. however, you have not spoken to them since that weird night with Regina. She wouldn't like it. plus Gretchen would probably snitch on you immediately. "so we should probably figure out a time to work on our project." you've been paired up for an assignment in American literature.

"We can do it today after school if you want?" she nods. "I'll meet you out front."

"hey Cady," Karen slides up beside you on the other side, instantly looping your arms. ever the pleasant company. you wonder if she just wanted to see you or get you away from Cady. probably the former.

"I'll see you later," you say to the new girl before turning to your friend. "what do you want?"

"you're coming to Connor's party Saturday?"

"Obviously,"

"I have the perfect-"

"no," you respond instantly. you loved Karen. she was genuinely the sweetest person you know. but at every party, she tries to give you a Karen Shetty special aka a makeover. and every single time you have to say no.

"but I have the perfect outfit for you."

"is it actually perfect for me or just slutty."

"Both," Karen states excitedly. "please," pleading eyes as she draws you closer, hugging your arm. "please please please."

a loud groan. "fine."

"Really?" her eyes light up and circulation quickly returns to your arm. you nod at her which leads to excited clapping. maybe it wouldn't be so bad. maybe it was the perfect outfit for you but also sexy enough to satisfy Karen.

"oh here," you reach into your bag and produce a homemade friendship bracelet. you'd been tutoring some younger students for extra credit but sometimes you just hung out with them. "made them with some of the kids so,"

"ah thank you," she takes it eagerly. you had one for Gretchen and Regina too. only one of them would appreciate it though.

"why were you chatting with Cady?" Karen asks, sliding on her bracelet as she takes your arm once more.

"we're doing a project together," you explain. "you were literally just in class with us Karen."

"oh yeah," she smiles brightly. "I'm starving." you chuckle a little and allow her to eagerly pull you towards the dining room.

you're sitting on the grass. Cady is talking in your ear as you stare into the distance. most students had gone home already. The rest were working on homework or projects or extracurricular activities. you arranged this meeting but god were you bored. no offence to Cady but you kinda wish you'd been paired with Karen so you could be fucking about right now and then rush the work the night before it's due.

"are you going to the party Saturday?" you ask idly.

"What party?"

"oh shit." you forgot she was hanging out with Janis and Damian who definitely wouldn't have been invited. "connor mckay is having a party. The dudes a mess, big house though. you should come,"

"don't think I was invited,"

"I'm inviting you."

"not sure that's how it works."

"Just come Cady," you insist. "you can bring Janis and Damian too if you want. everyone will be too fucked to notice."

"uh, thanks then" she smiles a little, glancing back at her textbook. "I'll think about it."

"you have to think about attending your first high school party?" you question. laying down on your back. "I'll be there," you turn your head to look at them. "it'll be fun." you watch her carefully and soon she smiles.

"Okay, yeah."

"well that was easy," should have just started by stating you'll be there. "Be careful, Cady." you tease, looking back to clouds passing by but you can't help but smirk a little. "I'll start thinking you like me."

sat in the back of Regina's jeep as she fixes her hair in the overhead mirror, Karen inspects your face while Gretchen is copying Regina by fixing her hair. "can we just go in," you insist, slapping Karen's hands away. "before I regret coming."

"Why would you regret coming?" Gretchen questions, looking around at you.

"I feel stupid,"

"you look amazing," Karen urges. "perfect."

"you would say that."

"stop whining," Regina insists. flipping up her mirror. "you look hot. now let's go."

finally. "I'm gonna get so fucked up," you state as you step out of the car. walking beside Regina with Gretchen and Karen a step behind. the party is already alive. started at six. It was eight.

you reach the point in every party where you just don't want to be there anymore pretty quickly tonight. you're suddenly so aware of how annoying everyone is. sat on the kitchen counter, you swing your legs back and forth as you sip whatever was in your cup. Gretchen gave it to you. the party passes around you like you're not even there until an all too familiar blonde appears. "you look sad," you'd mistake that for genuine concern if it wasn't Regina "Already at sad drunk, that's impressive."

"what do you want Regina?" she had basically ignored you since you arrived so why she suddenly thought you were worthy of her presence, you'll never know. Shane was the object of her disgustingly public displays of affection tonight. "thought you'd be too busy with Shane."

"god, you're so obsessed with Shane," a roll of her eyes as she takes the cup from your hand to help herself. you watch her as the red cup comes to painted lips. not a hair out of place. so perfect. Regina was perfect. it was annoying

"I invited Cady tonight," you state, snatching your cup back.

"ew. why? I thought we agreed you weren't going near Cady anymore," technically you did. practically it wasn't that deep. who cares.

"And Janis and Damian but mostly to get Cady here,"

"desperate to hang out with losers," Regina sighs. "is she here?"

you shrug. "too many people. too big a house. I haven't looked, to be honest."

"Well," a hand finds its way to your thigh, running up and then down softly. "if you're good tonight maybe I'll give you a little treat."

"don't," you push her hand away. "go back to your boyfriend."

"he's not my boyfriend,"

"well whatever he is," you jump down off the countertop. "you made it very clear that I'm not what you want."

"you're so dramatic," she pushes up too. "I hate when you get drunk."

"Whatever."

"fuck sake," Regina responds. "you act like I said we're together or something."

"you're such an asshole," you huff. "I'm gonna find Cady."

"good luck with that,"

there are so many people at this party. you're not sure who half of them even are but they all seem to know you as you stumble around after the new girl. a constant barrage of 'hellos' and 'you look hot' in various forms. it's tiring. annoying. and you're about to give up and go find Gretchen so she can rub your back to make you feel better when you spot her. She was looking as awkward as ever. "you came." shouted over the thump of the music

"yeah," her face lit up. "Damian too. Janis said she'd rather jump off a bridge than come so..."

"That sounds... exactly like her," you nod. "I like..." you glance at her outfit. Regina would hate it. you don't love it. "your outfit. very school teacher chic."

"Thanks," she replies. "I didn't have anything to wear so,"

"it's cool. I'm just happy someone here isn't gonna irritate me- do you want a drink?"

"Sure," she nods. "do they have juice?"

"uh... probably somewhere." who asks for juice at a party? "I'll check. stay here."

you wander off back to the kitchen in search of some juice. your first stop is the fridge which is very stocked. you briefly scan for anything open, sweet and edible before just grabbing a carton of fresh orange and deciding that will do. pouring her a glass before heading back. she's still in the same spot only a particular blonde in the tightest little black dress has decided to strike up a conversation. you immediately know something is wrong. Regina can't stand Cady. it's why you told her you admitted to inviting her so easily. You wanted to piss her off. you can't make out what is happening but as you make your approach the redhead leaves. Regina turns to you with a sugary sweet smile betrayed by her eyes. "hey baby girl, feeling any better?"

"What did you say to her?"

"why do you have a glass of" brow knitted as she tapped her nail against the glass. "orange juice?"

"What did you say to her?"

"who?" you let her have the glass and she takes a sip. a visible look of disgust. "is there anything in this?"

"It's just fresh orange,"

"what the fuck? are you trying to sober up or what?"

"it was for Cady," you explain. "what did you say?"

the blonde shrugs. "she just had to go. not my fault." you don't believe her. why would you? She has a track record of being a conniving person who'll make trouble just for the sake of it. it'd be naive to think she didn't do anything."

"Why do you have to be such a fucking bitch all of the time," you grumble loudly. a hand snaps around your wrist and suddenly you're yanked closer to her. hot breath sending a shiver down your spine.

"I let you off before because you were all sad and tragic but don't think you can ever talk to me like that," growled in your ear before she abruptly shoved you away. "Cady left. get over it."

"she only left because you said something,"

"she left because she realised you don't like her," the blonde snapped. such a pretty poison came in the form of Regina George as she turned her gaze on you. She was pissed but kept it quietly contained to just beneath the music so nobody else had a clue. "that you've just been stringing her along. pretending to be her friend. all because I wasn't showing you enough attention," she's close again. too close. she wasn't physically that tall but right she seemed massive as she loomed over you. her eyes flicker to your lips and back up. did she wanna kiss you or kill you? neither seemed smart. "she realised that you belong to me."

"I'm not a dog Regina."

"you sure about that," a mean glint in those pretty eyes. "you wanted my attention. you got it." she shoves the orange juice back in your hand. it's contents splashing your hand. "don't cry about it now." and with that she turns on her heel and disappears into the crowd

// NEXT

[infiniteglitterfall]

A Chabad synagogue in Pomona, New York, burned to the ground on April 17th, along with its three Torah scrolls.

Torah scrolls are hand-written, hand-made, and kept in elaborately decorated cases or wrappings.

Many of them have long histories; my synagogue has two, I think, that were smuggled out of villages being destroyed in pogroms or in Nazi attacks. One of them is the only remaining piece of that village on earth.

Sometimes, the Torah scroll doesn't even belong to the synagogue, but is on loan from a place like the Memorial Scrolls Trust:

There's an entire Jewish holiday just for taking them out and dancing with them: Simchat Torah, "The Joy of Torah."

In fact, that was the holiday on which Hamas's invasion took place.

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So it's a particular tragedy when a Torah is destroyed.

Chabad itself has a page about what goes into making just one Torah scroll:

"An authentic Torah scroll is a mind-boggling masterpiece of labor and skill. Comprising between 62 and 84 sheets of parchment -- cured, tanned, scraped and prepared according to exacting Torah law specifications -- and containing exactly 304,805 letters, the resulting handwritten scroll takes many months to complete.

"An expert pious scribe carefully inks each letter with a feather quill, under the intricate calligraphic guidelines of Ktav Ashurit (Ashurite Script). The sheets of parchment are then sewn together with sinews to form one long scroll. While most Torah scrolls stand around two feet in height and weigh 20-25 pounds, some are huge and quite heavy, while others are doll-sized and lightweight."

I learned all of this on Tumblr.

Once upon time, in people's "punch Nazis" days, I would've been able to find some mention on Tumblr of this synagogue burning.

There is none, so I'm posting about it.

And I'm going to quote Daniel Weiner, Rabbi of Temple de Hirsch Sinai in Bellevue, Washington, when his own synagogue was vandalized last November:

"It’s horrific and heartbreaking.... [Taking out your feelings about] what's going on in the Middle East by defacing a sacred space of a synagogue -- that’s the very definition of antisemitism."

I'm also posting about the Kehillat Shaarei Torah Synagogue in Toronto, whose windows were broken on Friday, April 19th, by someone who also tried to break the front door down.

And the April 15 graffiti outside a Bangor, Maine synagogue that said, "Nazi Israel 30K murdered," next to a crossed-out Star of David. The same synagogue faced pro-Hamas flyers plastered around it in November.

I was going to include all the synagogues vandalized over the past six months. But there are way too many. Several every week. Lots are swastikas.

I'll go back to just doing attacks on and near synagogues.

Someone has to talk about the 1-year-old who was stabbed outside Temple Beth Zion-Beth Israel (BZBI) synagogue, in Philadelphia, on April 13th.

The foiled terrorist attack on a Moscow synagogue on April 11th.

The man who, on April 9th, screamed at the rabbi at Moldova's Great Synagogue, "What are you doing here? How come no one has finished you off for everything you are doing to the Palestinians?" Just one week after people had vandalized a Holocaust memorial in nearby Soroka, and sprayed "Free Palestine" on it.

The Oldenburg, Germany synagogue that was firebombed on April 5th.

The Florida Las Olas Chabad Jewish Center, which on March 16 burned, but not to the ground. The Torah scrolls were safe, and no one was hurt, but the back of the building was severely damaged.

The planned-but-thwarted-on-March-7th ISIS massacre in a Moscow synagogue.

The stabbing of an Orthodox Jew in Switzerland on March 5th. (He was badly injured, but expected to survive.)

A man leaving a synagogue in Paris was beaten on March 3rd.

People set the courtyard of a synagogue in Sfax, Tunisia on fire on February 27th. Firefighters managed to put the fire out before it consumed the inside of the building.

The synagogue is no longer used; there are no Jews left in its area, and fewer than 1,000 Jews left in Tunisia overall.

(Thousands of Tunisian Jews were sent to work camps during the Holocaust. Antisemitism across the Middle East continued to increase rapidly for decades. By the 1970s, 90% of Tunisian Jews had fled to France or Israel.)

On February 18, an Orthodox Jew leaving Synagogue of Inverrary-Chabad in Lauderhill, Florida, was beaten by an attacker yelling racial slurs.

Someone deliberately chose International Holocaust Remembrance Day, January 27, to smash all the windows in the front of Sgoolai Israel Synagogue in downtown Fredericton, New Brunswick.

On December 29, Turkey arrested 32 people linked to ISIS who were planning attacks on synagogues and churches.

On December 17, a man drove a U-Haul truck up onto the sidewalk between a barrier and the front door of the Kesher Israel Congregation in Washington D.C., got out, and started yelling "Gas the Jews." He also sprayed a foul-smelling substance on two people leaving the synagogue.

December 17 also saw 400 synagogues across the United States receive bomb threats.

On December 11, a man attacked an elderly couple on their way into a synagogue in Los Angeles, screaming, "Give me your earrings, Jew!!" and beating one of them bloody with a belt. (Happily, he chased the guy down the street, and caught him when his pants fell down.)

On December 10, a 16-year-old was arrested in Vienna for planning an attack on a synagogue.

On December 8, on the first night of Hanukkah, 15 synagogues in New York State received bomb threats. And someone screamed, "Free Palestine," and fired shots outside of Temple Israel in Albany, NY. Which has a preschool that was in session.

Meanwhile, the five Jews left in Egypt were canceling public Hanukkah candle-lighting at their synagogue out of fear of reprisals. Particularly after two Israelis in Alexandria had been gunned down by terrorists on October 8. (While Israel was still fighting Hamas in Israel.)

On November 15, a terrorist group set the only synagogue in Armenia on fire.

Armenian Secret Army for the Liberation of Armenia (ASALA) has a history of working with the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP).

(PFLP is part of Hamas's network of groups. Samidoun is their nonprofit arm - which is why Germany banned Samidoun last year, although it's still active in many other countries.

PFLP is also actively supported by the Palestinian Youth Movement (PYM), a diaspora nonprofit group, and Within Our Lifetime (WOL), an SJP spinoff in NYC.)

On November 11, halfway through Shabbat services, police asked Central Shul in Melbourne, Australia to evacuate "as a precaution" due to a "pro-Palestinian" protest that had chosen the neighboring park as its gathering place. Australia has seen some very outspoken antisemitism at protests, including the march shortly after October 7 that chanted "Gas the Jews."

Also on November 11, protesters targeted a synagogue along a march route. They sat in their cars, spraying green smoke and shouting at people leaving the synagogue. The march itself featured a record number of horrifying signs and chants.

On November 7th, Congregation Beth Tikvah in Montreal was firebombed, and the back door of the Jewish organization across the street (Federation CJA) was set on fire.

On November 4, protesters chanted "Bomb Israel," and burned an Israeli flag outside the only synagogue in Malmo, Sweden.

During October, there were 501 antisemitic acts under investigation in France in just three weeks, including groups gathering in front of synagogues shouting threats, and graffiti such as the words “killing Jews is a duty” sprayed outside a stadium.

On October 18, people firebombed a synagogue in Berlin after homes all over the neighborhood were graffitied with stars of David.

And also on October 18, hundreds of "pro-Palestine" rioters attacked the Or Zaruah Synagogue, in the Spanish enclave of Melilla in North Africa, while worshippers were inside.

Based on the video, they seem to have blocked the synagogue entrance completely, while screaming "Murderous Israel" and waving Palestinian flags. (Melilla is an autonomous zone belonging to Spain. It borders Morocco.)

On October 17, during pro-Palestinian protests, hundreds of rioters set fire to Al Hammah synagogue, an abandoned house of prayer in central Tunisia. They hammered down the building’s walls and raised a Palestinian flag on the building. Police did not intervene.

The Facebook page "Tunigate", which has around 88 thousand followers, published a video of the assault. So did "Radio Bousalem”, with 83 thousand users. The vast majority of comments on these videos welcome these acts. The building was severely damaged and almost completely razed to the ground.

On October 15, bomb threats were sent to many East Coast synagogues. Attleboro synagogue Congregation Agudas-Achim received one of the emails, which read, "The bombs will blow up in a few hours. A lot of people will die. You all deserve to die."

On October 8 -- again, while Hamas was still in Israel -- Madrid’s main synagogue was defaced with graffiti that read “Free Palestine” next to a crossed-out Star of David.

And on October 7, an assailant in Rockland, NY fired a BB gun at two women entering a synagogue. Later in the month, a banner at the Stephen Wise Free Synagogue in the area was vandalized with the words, “Fuckin kikes."

[moooncats]

✿ Pick A Card: Traits/Aura of Future Spouse ✿

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✿ Pile 1 : Clarity & Generousity ✿

✿ The Giver ✿

Your future spouse is very much advanced when it comes to deep thinking into ones own conscious. They know how to separate their own intuition from the mental chatter that is going on in their heads. The clarity of their intuition is a sweet, simple fruit that tastes familiar to them. The mental chatter is a bitter rind that they peel off and chuck into the garbage (or compost heap, when their mental chatter seems to be organic cx ). They are also very generous, they will shower you with compliments, gifts, anything they can physically give to you. I'm seeing the giving tree in my minds eye. They will always be there for you and will love to be the one that you count and depend on. No matter how much, or how little they have, they will give, give, give. They intuitively know that there is enough to go around, and the main key is to allow it to keep going so the cycle can continue on forever- without stopping. If they don't give it is like they are the one person in the stadium who doesn't do the wave.

✿ Future spouses Aura: Green tones ✿

Your future spouse may have a green thumb and devle in green magick. If you don't know what that means, they are a master planter when it comes to bringing green life into fruition. They may also be rich as well as green is the color of money. Green is the heart chakra, they have many love to give when it comes to you and their heart chakra is forever open you those around them. It is quite infectious! They have unconditional love, empathy, and emotional equilibrium. (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) 🌱✨️

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✿ Pile 2 : Trust & Warmth ✿

✿ The Gentle Giant ✿

Your future spouse has trust in the divine universe and is very brave when it comes to knowing that everything will be fine in the end. They have this instinct knowing in their gut that everything is always going to be okay. They rather live a fun life with trust and confidence than be a defensive weiner. All their focus is geared towards warmth. They let it guide every interaction that they have with all beings, little or big. No matter how other's behave, they choose to respond warmly. With warmth, they can melt any icy exterior. They can soften any hard feelings. They have adopted the saying "kill them with kindness". Omg pile 2, I'm hearing "Cuddly Teddy Bear"! Your future spouse is a Gentle Giant and they choose to be the kind one in every and any situation. They have lived many lifetimes. This is not their first time around the block. Their empathy shows no bounds when it comes to you and others in their vicinity.

✿ Future Spouses Aura : Blue/Purple & Indigo ✿

Your future spouse uses their throat chakra a lot to convey sweet and empathic messages to the world. They do not shy from spreading peace and positivity out into the world. They are also very much in tune with their intuition and gives trust to the universe to guide them and give them hidden messages. They are very self aware and give into their gut feeling and 6th sense. I'm hearing when you two meet they will know instantly as you are litteraly the person that they have been having constant dreams about. Omg this is so cute pile 2!! I love this for you. 🌠💫✨️ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

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✿ Pile 3 : Individuality & Boundless Love ✿

✿ The Alien ✿

Your future spouse was definitely the black sheep of society. Pile 3, I am going to be honest with you- this is the pile that I had a bit of trouble getting energy from. Your future spouse is very independant and they like to be lowkey. Take what you may with that information. Okayyy, now back to the reading. I'm hearing they may have a mental illness (Autism, Schizophrenia, OCD, ADD, etc) that has caused them to look through the lesnses of life with their own flare and style. Im hearing Neuro Divergent. They show delight in being their own quirky person, even if they connect with their friends/family/siblings/children/cousins/cats/dogs/sea monkeys- they see the unique beauty in being their own (sometimes crazy cx ) self. It's alright if their near (or far) and (mostly) dear ones don't always understand them. To be honest, they kinda take it as a compliment. Because of being a black sheep/ alien can cause isolation to some, they have developed an amazing super power- boundless love. They made sure to have their heart open for everyone so they can be known as a person who is just flipping wholesome! On the outside they may look a bit eccentric, or odd looking... but once you get to know them you'll see how multi faceted and just delighful they are! (: They understand that the world is filled with tiny miracles, with this in mind it is quite easy for them to fall in love over and over again, with anything from the honey bee's to neon signs. Whenever they are feeling inspired to love- everything sort of just falls into place.

✿ Future Spouses Aura : Light Tan / Blue ✿

They are so unique! Omg, Light tan is connected with brown. They are very earthly and in tuned with the inner core of the world. They may have had emotional trauma and learned coping mechanisms as a child to deal with it. With the additions of blue, they are in tuned with their throat chakra. They do not shy away from saying things that come from their uniquely structured brain and will have a blast partaking in deep thought provoking conversations with you! 🧠🗣✨️(✿◠‿◠)

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Mahalo for reading my 4th ever tarot reading! This is my first time playing with colors and do I dare say, I am digging it! (: Please remember to hydrate and continue on being your amazing selves. I love you all, moooncats out! (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)🚀🌌✨️

[francixoxoxo]

MDNI; nsfw smut headcanons!!

Billy doesn’t have all the time in the world, but whatever he does have, he wants to spend it with his girl. So whenever you and him get more than a minute alone, best believe that man is jumping on you!! Billy knows how to make it last, but with the hectic life he leads, he’s got real good at quickies. Give him five minutes and he’s gotten an orgasm or two out of you, pumping his fingers into your cunt or laving his tongue over your clit. Give him ten, and he’s bending you over the nearest surface, his chest to your back so he can whisper sweet words while he fucks you into tomorrow. Sometimes he’s laying down his jacket on the ground for you to lay on, or even lifting you against the wall, his hands holding you up under your ass. Stark comparison to the man who gently buttons your shirt back up, fixes your hair, sends you off with the sweetest of kisses to your forehead and promises for later. Billy knows every bit of your body like the back of his hand, and he doesn’t want to wait for the “right time and place” to get you off. Well, that doesn’t mean he isn’t keeping you up all night the moment he gets the chance to really take it slow.

Finnick has a bad history with intimacy, if you could even call it intimate. He didn’t even think he’d look forward to it with you; as healthy as it is, he just didnt feel right mingling something he associates with pain, with you. But after the first time, oh, his mind is changed. He only ever wants it with you. He’s not into anything degrading, anything harsh. His experiences with that have never, ever been good, and he can’t bring himself to want that with you. Finnick’s loving, he’s gentle, that man takes his sweet time. He takes his time roving his hands over your form, murmuring praise to you. He’s damn experienced, sadly. He knows every trick in the book to get you to come; a hand pressing on your lower belly, a pillow under your back, just the angle that’ll make you wail. No matter how aggressive or rough you ask him to go— because honestly, he wouldn’t ever suggest it first, I feel like he gets enough of that from clients that he can’t get with it, especially not with someone he loves so much— he’s telling you just how perfect you are, just how amazing you feel around his cock, and just how beautiful you look underneath him. Finnick’s also probably the best ever at aftercare; showering with you and washing your hair, or just cleaning you quickly with his own discarded shirt, grabbing you a bottle of water and snuggling up close. Of all the experiences he’s had, he still enjoys the afterglow the best.

Coriolanus likes control in almost every aspect of his life. Your sex life is no different, but frankly, once he discovers the feeling of you on top of him, he makes an exception. It has to be his favorite, watching you fuck yourself over his cock, your freshly manicured nails scratching the back of his head. The snarky, brattish side of you had always been his favorite, the side that snipped back at his comments and curled her lip when he was being stupid. When you get tired and your rhythm ticks off, he’s grabbing your hips, bullying his dick up into you while you groan into his neck. He’ll kiss the bruises and wipe the tears afterward, when you’re cleaned and wrapped up in his blankets. And and and lingerie, don’t get him started. Coriolanus insists on buying you a new pair every occasion; birthday, you get a maroon, lacy set. Anniversary, obviously you get a blood-red crotchless pair. He passes a bill, you’re out to celebrate? Coryo hums that maybe you should open the gift when you get home. He has good taste, your husband. by the time you step out of the bathroom you change in, he’s already rock hard in his slacks, reaching for you. Sure, he loves buying you lingerie and clothes, but he likes ruining them just as much.

I’ll just say it bro Sejanus is huge. Not just in stature but his ahem. His weiner. He’s stupid thick, and the first time he pushes in, he can tell you’re already gone. It takes a minute to get used to, no matter how often you have sex, but Sejanus is a patient guy. He smatters kisses along your shoulder and your chin, and once he starts to push his hips into yours with purpose, his forehead rests against your cheek. He’s gentle, this boy, attentive, listening to every cue he can pick up to make sure you like it. Just because he knows he’s a lot for you to take, he’s sweet and careful, murmuring that you’re doing good as his cock stretches your walls to the brim. I think Sej would be a bit quieter, he’s more focused on listening to you than talking himself, but that doesn’t mean he lets a handful of groans and “fuck, you’re perfect”’s slip. Honestly, fucking Sejanus is being trapped under him, his large frame locking you in place, his burly arms bracketing your face like walls. When this man’s inside you, there’s not much that can get him to stop or distract him. He’s also totally the type to crack either a very lame dad joke or an awful dirty joke during sex, your breathless giggling prompting his own laughter, even if he’s literally balls deep. Afterward, he pulls you to him, grabbing onto you like you’re his personal teddy bear, mumbling that you can both shower in a minute, but he just wants to hold you. You end up in soft, quiet conversation about everything and nothing, filling the scarce space between your faces with silly thoughts until one of you dozes off.

[henry7931]

Freaky Friday Block Part 2 Max & The Thomas Family

Max:

I’m sitting here trying to do some kind of research on this situation and I don’t even know what to freaking google. I mean I could just type in, “help, I woke in my friend’s dad’s body. Oh and by the way said friend is now his little brother.”

I don’t know, I’ve been listening to Jacob and Conner go back and forth for hours now. And Mr. Thomas is much help either.

I’m just glad my family was out of town so they didn’t have to deal with this whole body swap thing.

The craziest part is that we learned quickly that ‘we’ aren’t the only ones. I think half of the block is going crazy right now from waking up as someone else.

Hell, I saw that college guys a couple houses down walking one of their roommates. He literally swapped bodies with a dog! Nuts right?

I guess I can’t be too mad with Mr. Thomas’s body. Hell, I’m hoping once some of the chaos settles down I can actually enjoy all of this.

Wait a minute, where is Mr. Thomas? He left over an hour ago and said he’s just going to change and come back….

Mr. Thomas

Fuck I’ve been stroking this thing for hours now! I can’t stop!!

I know it’s awful of me especially this being the body of one of my son’s friends… but you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a whole house to myself? Hell, I haven’t been on a date in 10 years.

Ever since my kid’s mother left me after I came out to her I’ve had a hard time finding anyone to date.

But sitting here in this young handsome body… playing with this cock. Oh my god…

I keep trying to head back to my house but I’ve truly lost track of time. I’m just too horny right now.

I wonder… oh here it is! I knew Max was gay, he had Grindr already downloaded.

I take him off of discreet and update his bio: looking, ready to host.

Shit, his parents don’t come back for another week. I can at least enjoy myself at night.

Back at the Thomas’ Home:

Conner:

This is so freaking cool!! Not only did I wake up this morning inside my big brother’s body but now I have his room too!!!

I told him this morning since I have his body, that I get his room. He was so flipping mad about it but I can’t fit in my old bed anymore.

We screamed at each other for a long time. But I ended up picking him up and carrying him in my much smaller body back to my room.

He waited outside the door throwing a tantrum for a bit before giving up. So looks like I won!

Now I have an entire bathroom to myself and I even have my own cellphone (which I’m surprised he didn’t try to get from me.)

Now I think I’m going to take a shower because my new body is stinky!!!

I take off Jacob’s sweat pants he slept in and stopped at his undies.

I wonder what this looks like…

I yank them off and Jacob’s weiner comes floppin out. He has a big bush of hair right above it and weiner is way bigger than mine.

I start playing with it for a few until it gets hard.

I walk into the shower and start rubbing some all over my new muscles down to Jacob’s stinky feet.

Jacob’s feet are always stinky especially after practice. Sometimes they will stink up our entire house.

I weirdly like the smell…

I wash in between his toes and work back up his hairy legs.

I wrap his strong hand around his weiner and started tugging at it.

It felt so good that I couldn’t stop!

I tugged and tugged faster and faster…

I started to get really warm inside…

That’s when I started squirting all over the shower uncontrollably.

I was so out of breath that I laid on the shower floor for a few.

As soon as I could stand back up, I turned off the water and dried off.

I walked over to the mirror and stared at my big brother’s face that I now controlled.

I hope I keep his body forever!

*knock knock*

“Conner it’s me, you have my phone and I want it back,” I hear coming from the door.

I walk over to the door and open it up.

“I don’t think you’re getting this phone. Actually, it’s my phone now. I have this body which was your body. But now it’s mine. So my phone, my room, and now my body. Also, I think it’s best if you call me Jacob for now. Understood little bro?”

Jacob was so angry. He tried to yank the phone out of my hand but I just dangled it over him.

“So close on getting it!”

I jumps for it again and laugh at him.

“Well this has been fun but I’m going to lock my door now.”

I closed the door in his face and went back to his bed.

I pulled my towel off and grabbed one of his dirty socks off of the floor. I laid back on his bed or I should say my bed now— sniffing his dirty sock and gently playing with my new hairy balls.

Max:

So no one else seems to care right now about trying to figure out why we are all in each other’s bodies. So I decided to stop caring as well and just enjoy my new hot daddy body.

Starting with these sexy ass feet! God, I’m already getting hard!

My initial plan was to take a shower and I got as far as stripping down and grabbing a towel.

Unfortunately, I’m so distracted by these feet and Mr. Thomas’s big hairy ballsack.

I eventually get to the shower, still have not jerked off yet.

It’s fun seeing Mr. Thomas hard throbbing cock leaking so bad…

I’ll fondle it for a few and stare down at his feet again.

God I love them!! If we ever switch back I wish there was a way I could take his feet with me. Or at least get some visitation of his lower half.

Hell, this maybe my forever body. I may be Daniel Thomas forever.

I dry off and sit in the steamy bathroom… talking dirty to myself.

I work my way back to his bed jumping on it. I hold his feet up the air again.

I pull the towel off completely and rub his hands all over his hairy butt cheeks down to his hole.

I finally start jerking his dick that’s now throbbing so bad it immediately leaks.

“Mr. Thomas, you’re such a beautiful man. I love the way your cock feels, I love your hairy ass, your big feet, ohhhh… your dick is about to burst!”

“Oh god!!! This feels so goooooddd!!!”

I pull at his hair and start moaning incredibly loud.

“IM CUMMMMINNNNGGGGG FUUUUUUCCCC”

Cum sprays all over me and I’m covered in his cum. I take bit off of his chest and taste it.

“Yum!”

I lay back in his bed naked and grinning knowing that in a few hours I’m going to do it all over again.

[homunculus-argument]

A story of how this one guy's dog almost got killed by a whistling weiner:

The difference between a great story and mediocre one is all about presentation. Today I was reminded of the time when I was around 7-8 years old, and me and a handful of my cousins were at our grandparents' house when one of grandpa's hunting buddies came to visit. Drinking his coffee with a flock of curious small kids cautiously staring at him, this guy decided to amuse himself by telling us a story of the time his dog almost got killed by a sausage. A whistling sausage.

Knowing the local peoples' sense of humour, I figured that this guy is just doing a bit, even when he swore that this story is completely true. And as we giggled and kept insisting that he's talking fairytales, he reassured us again, it was true, grandpa was there. And we looked at our grandfater who was smiling, clearly seeing where this is going, and nodded very slowly. And our grandfather wasn't the type of a guy to tell stories, he rarely said three words in a row and certainly didn't waste them on nonsense. And he, an honest man, had just verified that he was there to witness this.

They had been on a hunting trip, I think it was 5 men altogether, with their dogs. It was that time of the year when people argue whether it's very late autumn or very early winter. Stinging cold, nonetheless. Taking a break before heading home, the hunters made a fire at a spot next to a lake, observing that the lake already had a thin crust of ice over it. If it wasn't already winter, it sure would be soon.

Now this is where the sausage comes in. Innocuously in the same package as its peers, indistinguishable from the others. Warming up by the fire, with their dogs gathered around them - sitting, sleeping, or begging, each according to their own nature - the men cooked their sausages, drinking coffee and talking jovially amongst themselves about whatever hunters do on pauses like that. The man telling the story had his best dog with him, he mentioned her by name, and at the time, she was still quite young but definitely promising, and was sleeping curled up beside his feet.

And then, the sausage he was cooking whistled. The way that they sometimes do as you heat them up on a fire, but somehow the whistling of this one was abnormally loud and high-pitched, and comically long, going

PWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

This scared the shit out of this guy's dog. Born and bred to chase moose and corner bears, and accustomed to the sounds of gunfire, this dog was startled fuckless by the sound of this whistling weiner. Snapping from dead sleep to her feet, she bolted. To the lake. And right through the ice.

At this point I would like to stress that while everyone who loves their dogs would go to great lengths to save them, these hunting dogs are a treasure to their hunters. I don't know what a good dog would even cost if you could convince a hunter to sell one, but my grandfather's best dog had a grander funeral than my father did. They are a big deal. So it was rescue mission time.

The guy telling the story went into much greater detail about what a huge ordeal getting that bitch out of the ice was than I will here, but it was certainly a hassle. By the time the dog was out of the water, two men were soaked to their waists with icy water and the dog was wet all the way through. Two of their cars were started and kept idling with full heat blasting to warm and dry the two men and one dog while the other three men tried their best to thaw and dry the men's pants, laughing about how the guys would even start explaining their wives why they had to drive home literally ass naked.

And to express her gratitude for being saved from a certain and icy death, the hunting dog in question pissed on a car seat.

And that was the story of how this guy's dog was almost killed by a whistling weiner.

[shelbgrey]

Can you do a Zack Addy x gn reader where reader goes to the Jeffersonian to bring him food and eat with him and everyone is confused because they didn't know Zack had a partner please?

Who's got him smiling like that?(Zack Addy)

Paring: Zack Addy x reader.

Summary: while y/n has lunch with their boyfriend Zack, the Jeffersonian tries to figure out what's going on between the two of them.

A/n: sorry this took so long and that it's shorter than my usual content. I hope you enjoy though.

MasterList

Seeley, Cam, Temperance, and Angela looked down from the balcony on the second floor of the lab. They leaned against the railing confused as they watched Zack laughing with y/n while they ate the lunch y/n brought.

“gotta be a sibling” Booth said, rubbing his hands together. In his eyes Zack was just a child genius that didn't have time to date.

“all of Dr. Addy's siblings are in New Jersey, but that could be a possibility,” Brennan said, looking at Booth then back down at Zack. Something about seeing Zack laughing like that with this beautiful person made her heart swell with happiness.

“Maybe it's just a friend,” Cam shrugged.

“No. I've never seen him laugh like that, he's definitely in love with whoever that is” Angela smiled. She felt so happy seeing him laugh. She could tell all that mattered to him tight now was y/n.

--------(1st pov)--------

“So, how's work?” I asked, nibbling on the last of my fries.

Zack nodded, munching on his onion rings. “well we found some very interesting set of particulates, something neither me nor Hodgins have seen on a victim before, and the humerus…” he stopped mid sentence.

Even though I never really understood all the science mumbo-jumbo I still like hearing him talk about it. There's something about seeing him get all excited and talk about something he's passionate about.

“no, no, keep going. I love it when you talk Science-y” I said resting my chin on my fist.

“'Science-y' isn't a word… And it's fine” Zack said, putting the rapper his burger came in and his napkin in the brown paper bag. “on another note, how's everything in the animal kingdom?”

I worked at the local animal shelter in town, it was an amazing job and I got work and take care of all kinds of dogs and cats. “well… Now that you mention it…” I started and gave him an innocent look. Zack tilted his head and gave me a warning look. “no! I know that look” he said, pointing his finger at me.

“Aw, but he was so cute”

“we already have two dogs... And a cat, that cat still dislikes me” he mumbled the last part.

“It's a small dog though,” I said, giving him a pouty lip. “it's a weiner dog mix, he'll stay tiny” we already had a black lab and a golden retriever, then on top of that I brought home a white cat home three months ago.

Zack playfully rolled his eyes. He always said he admired my love for all animals and loved how compassionate I was for all of them. Not so much when I keep bringing my ‘work’ home with me as he says.

“just imagine a cute little sausage dog curled up in your lap, helping you read Science stuff for work”

Zack sighed playfully.

“I'll let you name him” I smiled and gave him the puppy eyes he can't refuse. He sighed again. “don't give me the look”

“Please”

Zack groaned in a very monaton way. “... Fine”

I immediately wrapped my arms around him and kissed his forehead. “thank you babe”

~~~~~~~~(.......)~~~~~~~~

“what are you doing?” Hodgins asked, walking up to the others. He looked over the balcony to see what everyone was staring at. He smiled when he saw y/n and Zack together.

“trying to figure out who's with Addy,” Booth said.

“Oh, that's y/n” Hodgins smiled.

Everyone gave Hodgins a confused look as Hodgins yelled down at the couple “Hi y/n!”

Y/n left Zack's arms and happily waved at Zack's best friend. “hey, Hodgins”

“soo… Who's y/n?” Angela asked Hodgins.

“Zack's partner” Hodgins smiled like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“your telling me Zack… Our little child prodigy is y/n's boyfriend” Booth asked, shocked but at the same time impressed Zack snatched up a beautiful person like y/n.

“trust me I didn't even know y/n existed until Zack tried to seek them in one night when he was still living with me” Hodgins said.

“Well, y/n seems to make him happy,” Cam smiled down at the couple.

“y/n's great… Zack just seems so much happier now”

The team smiled at the couple, Zack and y/n were in there own little world talking about the knew puppy and the case Zack was working on. Hodgins was right, he was so much happier with y/n in his life, he felt more alive and human. He just couldn't help but smile everytime he was in y/n's presents.

[heartsforvin]

kissing the bridge of vinnie’s nose and he’s like ??? at first but then he enjoys it and thinks you’re so sweet (I love his cute lil nose ok🥺🥺)

SWEET

“it’s so sweet, knowing that you love me..”

sweet - cigarettes after sex

pairing: vinnie hacker x fem!reader

warnings: FLUFFFFFF <333, mentions of insecurities, one lil sexual joke (i gotta, im sorry 😭)

summary: you loved everything about vinnie, especially his nose and you love to make it known to him

you loved everything about vinnie. from his pretty brown eyes, curly blonde hair, to his cute nose. there was absolutely nothing you loved more than his cute little button nose, though.

you knew vinnie had struggled with insecurity of his own, having said it to you before. you loved to make it known just how much you love each of his features, even if he thinks of them as flaws.

there’ll be days where you spring out a compliment out of nowhere, catching the boy completely off guard.

“your eyes look so pretty, baby.” you’ll say, subtly glancing at him, making vinnie turn his gaze on you.

he gets flustered, almost embarrassed but not in the sense of he was doing anything that was embarrassing.

the compliments you gave the most were about the subtle things about him, ones that most don’t see.

youre standing in front of your boyfriend on your tip toes as you kiss him sweetly. once you pull away, your eyes linger on his, smiling as his lips tug into a smile of his own.

you reach up and put your hand on his cheek, stroking his cheekbone softly as you give him the sweetest of smiles.

he doesn’t know where the sudden affection is coming from, but he’s definitely not complaining.

he smiles as you kiss his cheek, wondering how lucky he got to have you in his life. he watches your fingers dance along his skin until they reach one of the freckles that adorn his pretty face.

it’s nothing, really, just apart of him. thats what makes you love it so much — love him so much.

“baby!” you exclaim as you run into his room, catching the blondes attention as you jump into his arms.

vinnie laughs as he catches you with no hesitation. you wrap your legs around his waist while his hand holds you just under your thighs to keep you steady.

your arms wrap around his neck as you pepper kisses all over him, making vinnie laugh as you do so.

he’ll never get tired of the way you love him, the way you constantly show just how much you love him.

the kisses, the compliments, the random surprises of gifts, it all just stuns him to think how lucky he got to find someone like you.

once you decided you’re done, you stop for a minute and look at him.

vinnie can’t tell the look that’s in your eyes. he doesn’t know if something bothered you just now, or what.

that’s when he sees you lean in and feels you plant a kiss on the bridge of his nose. it confuses him for a minute, seeing as that’s a new place for the affection.

“what’s that for?” he asks, not wanting to break the comfortable silence, but doing so anyway.

you smile and tighten your legs around him as if you’re hugging him tighter.

“i love your nose,” you say as if it were obvious. “it’s definitely one of my favorite things about you.”

vinnie smiles. “oh yeah? what else is your favorite?“ he asks.

you smile widely, blushing at the thought of all your favorite things about the boy whose arm’s you’re in.

“hmm,” you hum as if it were to take a minute or two to think. in reality, you could list about five things right now with no problem.

“your eyes, your smile, your hugs, your arms, your tattoos — you talkin’ ‘bout the one on my weiner, right?” vinnie cuts you off with a joke, making you slap his chest.

“you do not have one there!” you exclaim, giggling as you do.

vinnie smirks as he starts to drop you to the ground. “you wanna see?” he asks, but you just shake your head.

“v i’m serious! i’m being all cute and you’re talkin’ about your dick. for once let me be cute and sweet on you without you making a dirty joke.”

the tone you say it in his a playful one, so vinnie knows you’re not actually mad. in all honesty, you love the little jokes he pulls out here and there.

“okay,” he says as he adjusts his hold on you, making sure you don’t fall out from under him. “keep going, i’m loving the ego boost.”

you roll your eyes playfully at your boyfriend. “i love your nose the most.” you say quietly as you kiss the bridge of his nose again.

vinnie smiles and cups your cheek, kissing it softly. “i love you the most.” he says.

you blush and hide your face in his chest. “look at me,” vinnie pulls your attention. you slowly look up at him and he’s smiling down at you. “i love you so much, my girl.”

your smile only widens as he now peppers kisses all over you. you loved him more than you could ever tell him.

“it’s true!” he chuckles. “thank you for loving me the way you do. i don’t know what i’d do if you weren’t here with me. being with you has made me the happiest i could ever be, and i’m so glad i get to do everything with you.”

tears start to well in your eyes at the words he’s saying. “don’t cry, my love.” vinnie says as he wipes your tears away.

he kisses right below your eye and you kiss the bridge of his nose once more.

“my favorite.” you say softly.

vinnie smiles as he carefully sets you down on his bed. he leans down to give you a proper kiss, smiling once he pulls away.

“forever.”

THIS IS SO CUTE SHUT UPPPPP

also if you got the ‘i have a tattoo on my weiner’ reference, i love you 🫦

tags: @cosmicanakin , @anqeliclust , @forevergirlposts , @slvthrs , @visualbutterflysworld , @venuscameron , @louloulemons-blog , @leqonsluv3r , @bernelflo , @lovingsturniolo , @st4rswrld , @violet0182 , @kayleighh , @0strawberrysorbet0 , @laylasbunbunny , @hallecarey1 , @supabhad , @kriissy4gov