#wed been cheated and fooled and robbed so many times but that was IT

[krash-and-co]

the Lockwood and Co fandom has always been a little teeny bit crazy <3

love the difference in votes here. HTTYD & ATLA having a nice little tea party while Lockwood & Ninjago are waging a full on war against each other

[fullsunalicia]

loved rags and riches!! if you have time, could you also write a chenle version, like a crazy rich asians au or like a chaebol au? thank you!

broken hearts club — ZCL

it’s been a long time since someone has touched zhong chenle’s frozen heart. he’s closed it off to the entire world and dedicated it to his music and the empire that he’s going to inherit. somehow though, there’s a girl with a weakness for puppies who manages to light a match for the ice clump that sits in chenle’s chest.

zhong chenle as astrid leong - kind of. :-) i hope you enjoy love. thank you for requesting. <3

Over the years, the map to Chenle’s heart has been destroyed and burnt. Many have tried to recover it, retrace the steps as they try to remember. Not one person comes close, as the only thing Chenle loves is the music and the puppy he was gifted by his favorite cousin, Renjun.

The people call him a narcissist. His family calls him lost.

He calls himself Zhong Chenle. Nothing more, nothing less. He likes sitting together with his band mates and share several bottles of soju. Whenever soneone speaks chinese with him, it sounds like music to his ears. In Korea, far from home, the only chance he gets to use his mother tongue is with Renjun, and Chenle likes it like that. He couldn’t be further away from home, and all the pain that household has brought him.

Some would kill to be in his place. The only heir to a billion dollar sum, and even richer on his own. A famous musician who’s climbing the charts and breaking records everyday. Yet money has always been a curse to Chenle. It gave him heartbreak, distrust and emotional distance to everyone who’s ever been close to him. Chenle’s heart has frozen over, as cold as the arctic, the ice prince of the Zhong family. That’s what his parents have always wanted, anyways - his ex girlfriend out of their eyes, so that they could marry Chenle off to God knows who. When she had cheated on him, they have waited for Chenle with open arms to come back home, just to stab him in the back themselves.

A beggar. That’s what his mother had called Suyin, the only woman he’s ever loved.

Choi Suyin had carved out his heart and locked it in a chest, far away for anyone ever to reach. Like Davy Jones, only that Chenle has never betrayed. He was Calypso, heartbroken and full of fury, bound to his bones. Doomed to roam the world forever, without feeling anything. Detached from reality. It felt like Chenle was standing inside of a glass house, with no way to escape, only ever being able to look out. He recognizes the sorrow and the pain that’s coming to come crashing in someday and wreck him. But there is no way to ever set him free again and honestly, he isn’t even sure if he ever wants to. Love has ruined him; it has ruined his perception of people and of himself. Suyin had wanted him to make her a princess.

He can’t make her something she is not.

The whispers follow Chenle down the hall whenever he is home, though that’s a rare occasion. Fool, they murmur. A blind man. Almost robbed. If he could, he’d smash the glass of his cage and use it to wildly stab around, willing to hurt anyone who gets in the way. He wants them to feel, to suffer what he endures all day and night, a never ending nightmare. The torture of the shining jewelry, sent to him by his mother, serving as a silent reminder of what is waiting for him when the family forces Chenle’s hand and makes him return.

The ghoulish wedding that awaits him. Chenle counts the days, prays that he finds the key to the locker he never wants to see again. Dread fills him at the mere prospect of romance, but he’d rather be in pain for another thousand years instead of being married off like some worthless thing. Like his career never meant something, only some ploy of entertainment, never serious to his parents. It’s all about business, never pleasure, never happiness. To think about the company is more important than to think about your mental health. If that turns you into a psychopath, you’ll just have to make a business idea out of it and see where it gets you.

Therapy to the Zhongs is alcohol, and income. That was the very first lesson to be learnt. It’s deeply ingrained into his soul, and no matter how much time Chenle wastes at his attempts, he cannot wipe it away. Even for music, his first and true love, his mind goes to the sales first instead of the talent the song can pull out of him. Will his voice attract buyers? How should he dress to seduce the crowd? It’s all just a show, and all the roles are casted by him. What a show it is, though.

From the distance, it looks perfect. No stage fright, only elegance. The closer you get, the more you realize it’s a circus. Chenle is the biggest clown you’ll ever set eyes on.

The road to his heart is harsh and frozen. Maybe the damage is too great that anyone will ever be able to walk upon it again. But you’re willing to take the chance.

Chenle looks down as you pet the little Samoyed behind his ear, big smile on your lips. Honest; unusually so. He’s too used to choking on the sugar that keeps dripping from peoples’ lies. And here you are, jumping from stone to stone on the way to his heart, like you’re crossing some river. And you haven’t even looked at him yet.

“This dog is absolutely beautiful,” you hum, the happiness in your voice thrumming inside his head. Pleasing to listen to. “So beautiful, aren’t you? Of course you are. Pretty baby...”

You’ve taken the words out of Chenle’s mouth, but they weren’t exactly for Chan. If he was another man, he’d tell them to you. Because he isn’t, he’d rather choke on them than speak them aloud.

“He really is.” Finally, you look up. Your eyes are as pure as your mouth, see-through, easy to trust. It makes alarms ring in the ice prince’s head, and he’s pulling up the bridges to the castle in panic. He doesn’t know how you managed to do that with one look, and he honestly doesn’t want to know.

He can’t afford to find out. He can’t. Chenle is still reeling from the wound Suyin has inflicted him, running as deep as the ocean, straight through his heart. A cruel metaphor for cupid’s arrow. Still, you make Chenle want to pull it out and offer it to you. Curious whether you’d drive it back in, or break it and set him free.

The hope blooming inside his chest makes him wish for the latter.

Your beauty is already alluring just the way it is, but when your lips curve into a soft smile, you break all the viewers’ hearts in the loveliest way. It’s brighter than any jewel Chenle’s ever set eyes on, and he has already seen enough to last him a lifetime. Sick of them, actually. For you, he’d be willing to try and search for one that matches your radiance. “Love dogs too much to resist,” you admit. “I apologize for caressing the pretty boy out of the blue, but I’ve never been able to turn away from puppy dog eyes.”

“Me, too.” Chenle sinks into a squatting position so you’re both on eye level. It physically hurts to watch you blush. It hurts because he can imagine being the old Chenle who’d ask you on a date right here and there. Careless, without any worry in the world, he would take your hand and offer you the world like he had with Suyin. Because money is a burden, but it only became a curse the moment Suyin had conquered him just to enrichen herself. Become a Zhong, a legend. Have it all and spend it all. She never understood that love is more powerful than any money’s worth in the entire world. “Though that makes me a bad dog owner, doesn’t it? It gets kinda hard to be strict with him when he looks at me in such an adorable way. My baby..”

Chan presses his fuzzy head to Chenle’s palm. The only one in this world who’d ever love him just for being him. Chenle smiles and scratches the back of his baby’s ear, pleased with the rumble Chan lets out at that. Both dog and owner know the other like the back of their hand. You watch the wholesome interaction, the kindness in your eyes makes Chenle soft.

Right now, you’re knocking at the doors to his heart, begging to be let in like in The Princess and the Pea. He forces himself to turn away.

He’s a masochist, but this is too much for even Zhong Chenle.

“Never had a dog again after mine passed away when I was sixteen.” Your voice is a little bit distant now, hollow. Detached. Your heart has been broken in a different way than his has, but the pain is very similar. Chenle recognizes himself in the way you wrap your arms around your own frame, as if you’re trying to hold yourself together. To force the broken pieces to stay in place. He wants to tell you that you’re never going to be able to do that alone, but he’s too much of a coward who doesn’t trust anyone in the world. Not anymore. “Hurt too much. Felt like a betrayal. I still love dogs more than anyone else, but I think I’m just not ready to adopt another one. At least not in the near future.”

Chenle agrees, though you’re talking about two seperate things. He needs to quit love, like an addict checking himself into rehab. It’s a must, not a neccesity. Though it makes him sick to the stomach, he forces himself to stick to the company procedure. Business before pleasure. Business before anything.

❀ ❀ ❀

Love has never hurt you before. Never have you brushed hands with death and decay the way Chenle has, but you see it in his eyes. The passing ghost of a lover who once was. Where should be warmth is steel, the protective shell of a man who wants nothing to do with the world.

But how stunning that man is. Of course, your entire attention had been on the dog first, but when you locked eyes with Chenle - what an experience! The taste of heaven in one look. Sharp features, as dangerous as knives. Unruly dark hair, the color of the sky at midnight, colder than any breeze that’s ever shaken you up. You don’t believe in love at first sight, not in destiny.

Still, you came so close to it. You saw where the universe breathed life into Chenle. The shaping of dying stars and the brightest burning suns. He’s both Pandora’s box and the golden fleece in one. All you had managed to coax out of him was his name, and of course the one of the dog who you spent ten minutes playing with. You’ve not known about Zhong Chenle before, but you certainly do now.

The only son of his prestigious family. World renowned musician, the critics call his voice that of an angel. Of course he is an angel. Have they seen him? Instagram spits out more information than you’d expected to receive, but here you are, reading an article about his ex girlfriend.

Definitely not creepy or anything.

It’s certainly a explanation. The illness-ridden soul of a man so young, he is still clinging to adolescence. Grief is a terrible disease. You weirdly feel like you’ve stepped into a room where people had been arguing, and now the awkward silence is weighing heavy on you. You’d desperately like to walk out, but something keeps you there like an invisible anchor. The lure of someone as gorgeous as Zhong Chenle, with the promise of secrets as sacred as religious scrolls.

You wonder if you would be going too far if you followed the guy on Instagram. That face is too pretty to miss out on. But there’s also your curiousity that keeps drawing you in, makes your mind wonder and wander off to the countless possibilities of who Chenle is who he is. You need satisfaction to bring you back, or you’ll just stay a dead, curious cat.

One that definitely drops her phone on her own face when she sees that the mentioned more-angel-than-man has followed her back. The man has two point three million followers, for Christ’s sake! There would be no way for him to randomly pick you out from the countless names that fill up his notifications, right? Wrong.

There’s a private message waiting for you as you accept his following request.

[07:27pm] @zhcl: i see you found the pictures of chan already.

The tabloids speak of zero interest towards any other person that’s not family or bandmate. So why, pray tell, does Chenle indulge you?

You grasp the opportunity, anyways. You want to find out what lies behind the ice, waiting to be discovered.

[07:33pm] @yn: i was quite distracted by the handsome fellow that photographed him, though.

[07:34pm] @zhcl: very smooth, miss (y/n). were you blushing when you typed that?

[07:34pm] @zhcl: you look too cute to be taken serious when you do.

[07:35pm] @yn: flirting, are we?

You felt the chill when Chenle had spoken to you. The hidden danger behind a calm voice. Still waters which hide deadly sirens. You know now that he was hurt, terribly so, and it made you feel guilty about your interest in him. The world had treated him badly and here you were, acting like it was nothing. You clutch your phone, ready to be heavily told off and the follow to be retracted.

Your heart almost stops when your phone vibrates, the ring tone suddenly much too loud.

[07:39pm] @zhcl: is it working?

❀ ❀ ❀

Chenle’s mother never changes.

When he enters the house, several servants swarm him to help with shoes and jacket, but he passes them all. The hall is cold, freezingly so, unusual for his mother who seems to fuel the open fire with wads of cash. This is the house he’s grown up in, too big for the warmth of love and affection to be felt inside it. The family members too far away from each other to even interact, like stars in the nightsky. Related, but never touching, never in contact. When they do, it detonates a violent supernova, and that never ends good.

Chenle still remembers the smashed glasses at the end of the family event, thrown against the wall by a Huang cousin who’s name Chenle would rather choke on than ever speak again. A Huang, but not of Renjun’s siblings. A bastard, that’s what he is. He, who usurped his father’s power and wastes all his money on sex, alcohol and entertainment. It’s a blessing this guy will never inherit the family business, though he pities Renjun for having to do it. Just as much as he pities himself.

When Suyin had left, the people had started gossiping. Spreading rumors, spreading hope. The ice prince is on the market again, ready to be courted, to fall victim to a woman’s temptation. His parents had spent eternity dragging Suyin’s name through the mud, because she was just an ordinary girl. Not rich, not poor. She works the graveyard shift at a diner and sometimes helps out in her dad’s restaurant for some extra cash. Fashion enthusiast. Homewrecker. The poor girl that was left at the altar because of Suyin - he’s seen the engagement ring on her finger, and he knows what it means to that particular Huang.

Absolutely nothing. The means to an end. A way to keep some more money because of taxes that are shared as an married couple.

To Chenle’s parents, Suyin could have very well been living under a bridge. His mother wishes to wed him with a princess, royal born, not made. Merge companies with people she trusts and strip ressources of. Birds of a feather. Truly, the marriage of the century. Too bad that Chenle only marries out of love. Too bad that’s the thing he’s sworn off for the rest of his life.

His mind punishes him instantly for that lie, your face flashing infront of his inner eye.

Sweet (y/n). It’s a little embarrassing how quick he jumps at his phone at any sign that you could’ve responded, and it scares him to no end. You scare him, with your good intentions and charming smile. When you had agreed to meet each other again, Chenle had let himself be dragged to a café of your choosing. There’s still the lingering taste of coffee cake on it.

Your kiss still burns on his cheek. Never forgotten for a second. A constant reminder.

As clear as day, the memory plays out in his mind. You had looked up to him while he tasted your pastry of recommendation, head lost in the clouds. You’re always thinking about something. You have the same look in your eyes as the one in Renjun’s when he searches for words that can’t be put in the same context as Suyin.

“You know who I am.”

You had stealen his fork and scooped up your own share of the cake. That was rather cheeky of you, paying for the dessert even though Chenle was already getting his wallet out. You’re stubborn. “I’ve heard of you,” you had told him. After listening to so many untruths all of his life, even your honesty starts to hurt in his ears. It makes him uneasy. “But that doesn’t mean I know you. I would like to. Will you let me?”

Not once had you looked scared when Chenle’s hands had turned into fists, the veins on them becoming prominent. The sight of a tortured man who’s trying to keep it together. A face that’s mapped out with sorrow and anger and betrayal. “I could hurt you. I’m afraid there isn’t much left to get to know. I’ve thrown it all away. Did you hear of that?”

You had started cutting the cake in pieces, long lashes caressing your skin as you look down. The wish to touch you had hit him so strongly, it almost shocked him. Chenle leant forward and accepted the fork in his mouth while watching you intently, finding pure satisfaction in the way roses bloom in your cheeks because of it. Eye contact makes you shy. To you, it’s sensual. You lowered your gaze. “I did.” The fork scraped against his teeth. You took another bite on your own and this time, your eyes never left his. “But I enjoy a good treasure hunt here and there. You look precious, Zhong Chenle. I’d like to look for the pieces with your permission.”

Chenle was so certain his heart was dead, its’ last beat defeaned by the wood it was kept in. Despite that, he had felt the jolt as it spurred back to life, making Chenle believe it returned to him, and the fear that comes along with it.

You’re dangerous, like playing with fire. You instilled the desire to be burned inside an ice prince, and that is too much power for one person to possess. So why does he make no effort to stop you?

“Chenle.” The voice sounds too polite for a mother. She descends the stairs, expression neutral, the walk of a queen. In another life, she’d certainly be one. “Qin ai de. You finally came. I was getting rather tired of calling your phone the past few months. Where have you been?”

Avoiding you, he wants to say. Running away from this castle that’s too vacant and lacks the love to be called a proper home. This is a prison, and you’re the warden dragging me in with chains.

But he doesn’t. Chenle slips into the good son role and lets himself be hugged, even though the embrace is void of any warmth. “Busy,” he responds. “I’m a working man, mom. Singing is a career, you know, despite how much you’d like to ignore it. There must be a reason you supported it so much in my childhood days.”

“That’s exactly the reason, son.” His mother begins climbing the stairs again, an unspoken order for him to follow. Chenle suppresses a sigh and begins climbing, too. It’s only noon, but he already feels drop-dead-tired. “Because it was your childhood. I didn’t expect you to turn your back on an empire to play the singing fool for some teenage girls. I suppose that has its’ benefits, but it’s also rather sad to only see my son in the news and not in person. This is your home, Chenle. We’re not going to crown you emperor the second you step back into this threshold. You’ll take over the company when you want to, even though we’d welcome an early decision.”

Bile rises in his throat before Chenle can stop it. Venom, it’s all venom, and you’re the cure. He only has to get through this. Just a day, and then he gets to see you again. “Sure, mom,” he manages to answer. “I’ll think about it.”

“I didn’t expect you to visit. We have company, you know. They’re both quite lovely, though you’ll like the daughter more.”

This is the reason Chenle refuses to be inside this house for even a second. The looming threat of an arranged marriage. No one’s going to force him to take over the company, but his mother would rather take a bullet than ever allow a Suyin ever again. Even if she looks and talks like an angel that goes by the name (y/n).

The entire time, Chenle is silent. He doesn’t even try to acknowledge the fact that his mother is a terrible wingwoman, and a good way to pass the time is to imagine your face, retrace it in his memories. You, insisting to pay, because it’s “your treat”. You, who never steers the conversation somewhere he doesn’t want it to go. The strawberry blush that makes him want to kiss you until you’re breathless.

You’re a threat, (l/n) (y/n). The closer you get to Davy Jones’ keys, the more he wants to push you away and never see you again. At the same time, Chenle wants to go on his knees and beg you to set him free of this locker.

Nothing could have stopped him from taking the next plane home. His bandmates pick him up, but he’ would have liked it to be you. What he doesn’t like is the look in Renjun’s eyes, the man who is Chenle’s kindred spirit. Renjun knows too much. He saw too much. A shared childhood is both blessing and bother.

“Tell me about (y/n).”

“Absolutely not,” Chenle shoots back without hesitation. “See you, Renjun.” With a quick swing, he tries to force the door closed, but his childhood friend wedges a foot between wood and wall and lets himself in.

“Very reactive to that name, aren’t we, Chenle?” Renjun hums and drops on the couch. He accepts the whiskey Chenle hands him, but cusses the second the younger’s hand meets the back of his head. “You do that again and I’ll strangle you, Zhong, friends or not. Now tell me about the damn woman already.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Because you’re a coward.”

“Yes, I fucking am.” Chenle doesn’t usually curse, but talking about you is a weakness. He doesn’t love Suyin anymore, absolutely not. The years have passed and changed him, whether that’s good or bad. But not his wounds, not the injury done to his precious, ice-cold heart. He’s so afraid of being used, tossed aside like an old toy you don’t want to play with anymore. With just a few actions, you’ll be able to tear Chenle down and ruin him forever. He’s barely stitching himself up from Suyin’s attack and now here you are, pleading to be let in. The desire to allow that is immense, so enourmous it makes him lightheaded.

He won’t survive another girl. Not with this kind of life, with his circumstances, with his upbringing. Love him most or not at all. That is all Chenle can offer you, and maybe that’s unfair. But being just has never helped him with anything, and it certainly hasn’t stopped Choi Suyin from ramming her high heels into the shattered pieces of his broken heart as she walked away.

Renjun watches him over the rim of his glass. Silent, but not in the way where he has to think about not wounding Chenle with his words. Just ... confused. Right now, Renjun is offering advice, not shelter. “Chenle, give yourself a break. You’re human. You’re bound to fall in love someday.”

“Not if I can stop it.”

“You’re not a robot,” Renjun hisses, suddenly volatile, and the loud slam of his glass hitting the mahogany table makes Chenle flinch. Not what he had expected. “I’ve watched you rot for years now, and it has done nothing good for you. I am trying to help you, Chenle, trying to save you from drowning, but you’re thrashing around like a mad man. If you continue like this, you’ll sink yourself to the bottom of the river. Do you want to end up like that? Do you?”

The younger man rubs his eyes, tired. It’s been so long, so unbelievably long since hollowness hasn’t ruled over Zhong Chenle. His parents would never approve of you. It’s going to spike another family war.

Quite frankly, he doesn’t give a fuck.

After a few minutes of some peace and quiet, Chenle finally stands up. He rounds the table separating him and Renjun and bows down to hug him, the suprise evident in Renjun’s eyes when he leans back. “You’re a good friend, Jun,” Chenle tells him. His chest feels light. Maybe it knows that the familiar weight of his heart is returning to it. “A true friend. Thank you.”

He leaves his childhood friend on the couch, his mind already far away, in a place where he can put the keys into your hands without fear. Without hesitation.

They belong to you.

❀ ❀ ❀

“See something you like, Zhong?”

Caught in the act, Chenle looks up and meets your eyes. It would be rather disrespectful to comment on your thighs right now, but if the circumstances were different, if you were already his, he’d tell you all about how good they’d look around his waist. Nonetheless, he only shrugs. “That’s a pretty skirt. Shame I’m going to ruin it by throwing you into the sea.”

“Dont you dare!” Your threat is far from being taken seriously, but Chenle is only teasing you, anyways. You’re light on his arms, more doll than human, and he likes the feeling of you clinging to him for safety. It’s weird - warmth and feeling returning to him. It has been winter inside Zhong Chenle for eternity, and now that he’s pushed open the gates, he feels like he stepped into another realm.

Your skin is warm below his touch. If you dislike his arms wrapped around the back of your thighs, you’re certainly not complaining. The walk to the beach is quiet, except for the squeaks and laughs you let out when he intentionally stops and pretends to fall. “You’re impossible,” you mumble when he sets you down on the picnic blankets.

Excuse you? You’re the one who looks like they just fell down from heaven.

“Is there any reason you decided to kidnap me? Because I didn’t get to see Chan one last time, and that is utmost treason. I demand to see my lawyer.”

“You can see him later.” Chenle tugs you closer. Can you feel his heartbeat below your hands on his chest? The sound is so foreign. Since he accepted the fact that you’re a weakness he can’t ignore, he’s been experiencing arrhythmia non-stop. His heart is just not supposed to be there. An ice prince shouldn’t be able to be melted.

He’d really like to see someone who would withstand you, though. You are heaven and hell, in the shape of a mere human, light as a feather in his arms. There are not many in this world who can claim to have Zhong Chenle wrapped around their little finger. Truth be told, only one person has been able to say that. Now, you’ve snatched away the reigning title, and you’ve deemed Chenle’s lap to be an appropiate throne.

Never would he have assumed that you’d do it on your own accords, but Chenle isn’t complaining. He almost purrs when you straddle his lap, soft skirt pooling around your legs. He screws his eyes shut and tries not to think about the lack of clothes between you two.

Scratch that, you’re a devil. And you are fully aware. The giggle you let fall from your lips doesn’t really sound innocent. He wishes to shut you shut you up with a kiss. What he would give to be in a private room right now.. A dark corner... “What’s so funny, (y/n)?” Chenle mumbles before his thoughts can drift further.

“Just how easy you are to fluster.” You laugh again, not even hiding it this time. The wind breezes through your hair, messing up the curls in his place. Are they as soft as they look like? Chenle wants to find out.

“You mean like you are?” He kisses your cheek as you turn red below his lips. This is what love should have felt like. Freedom and carelessness, not the constant need to look over your shoulder. As easy as breathing. As calm as the sea. The keys to his heart are falling from Chenle’s grip, and he’s not sure he even wants to pick them up.

It’s so easy to let go when he looks into your eyes and sees his future.

“Chenle,” you whisper. His shirt crumples in your grip, but he doesn’t care. Chenle lets himself be tugged closer, his own heartbeat jumping erratically, still unused to being out of the box. The ice floes are melting. You’re breaking him free. When his lips finally meet yours, he forgets all about the years he wasted on irrational sorrow. There should be regret about how he’s denied himself of emotions and the world, but you wash it away with all the hope you’re giving him while your lips move against his. You taste like an antidote.

His parents will never accept you. They’ll have Chenle’s head on a plate and deliver it to a family of their own choosing, one they deem perfect as their in-laws, but he counts on you to fight them back, just like how you’re fighting your way into his heart. You didn’t need the map, you wrote your own. You didn’t need a fire, you used your soul.

The key turns in its’ lock. It’s a perfect fit, just like you.

[firelxdykatara]

1, 9 and 25 for the tv show/movie ask!

TOP FIVE TV SHOWS: This changes a lot but I’ll go with the most consistent ones I can think of!

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, it’s very dated, and yes, Joss Whedon ain’t shit, but this remains one of my all-time favorite shows, and Buffy Summers remains one of my favorite characters, and there are so many episodes I can watch again and again and never get bored. It has a magic to it that even Angel could never quite capture, and I always find myself going back to it when I’m not sure what to watch but just want something that I’ll enjoy.

2. Avatar: the Last Airbender: Obviously, given my blog name, I have a deep and abiding love for this series. Is it perfect? Of course not, and there are some major things I wish were different, but overall it’s an amazing show with fantastic characters and a brilliant overarching plot, and it manages to stand up to modern scrutiny even though it’s been over a decade since it finished airing.

3. The Nanny. To this day, The Nanny is probably my favorite sitcom of all time. It was released in the 90s, but unlike a lot of sitcoms of the era (Friends immediately comes to mind, though they weren’t the worst offender) the vast majority of its humor doesn’t rely on ‘no homo’ jokes or misogyny/transphobic gags. (There are some off-color jokes, of course--it was the nineties. But this is one of the few shows where I can watch 90% of the episodes without cringing.) Most of the humor is centered around Fran’s hilarious antics, and it’s still a show I can put on whenever I need a good laugh, and it will never disappoint.

4. Leverage. I just love this show so much. A bunch of thieves come together for a job with one (1) honest man to give them a plan, and suddenly they’ve become a family who steal from the rich to give to the poor and disenfranchised and I love every since one of them. Even Nate. Plus, the ot3 is real. Hitter Hacker Thief owns my goddamn soul.

5. Person of Interest. Listen, it was a fantastic show, and yeah it got a little weird near the end, and also Joss Carter deserved better, but it had two of the most fucking cathartic and viscerally satisfying villain deaths I have ever seen in my life. “Oh, no, I’m not gonna kill you--I’m just gonna watch.” and “Now I surrender.” Just.... poetic fucking cinema, ok???

TOP FIVE CHARACTERS: Same deal, this is a list that will change frequently, but these are my most consistent faves:

1. Elena Gilbert from The Vampire Diaries. Surprising absolutely no one who was around for my TVD fandom days, or who has seen me talking about anything TVD related, Elena fucking Gilbert is my girl forever and she deserved so much better. From the show and from the gods forsaken fandom. I’m not gonna get into it cause I don’t need to be dropping thousands of words for an ask meme post, but evidently Elena was the harbinger signaling my love for orphaned brunettes with doe eyes and pain hidden behind a smile, but I just love her so goddamn much and I always will.

2. Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She saved the world. A lot. She’s my absolute favorite character from BtVS and frankly she deserved better, too--fuck absolutely everyone after Empty Places--but I just... love her so much. And her arc in season 6 means so much to me as someone constantly struggling with depression and ptsd (mine is related to childhood trauma, but that’s not beside the point). Buffy is far from perfect, and she makes mistakes, but she does the job literally no one else can do, and she’s so incredibly strong. I can’t imagine going through what she went through and not completely breaking down.

3. Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time. Ok, so not a brunette, but still a woman with severe abandonment issues who grew up believing she was an orphan and kept being punished by the show, and who definitely deserved better. (No, I’m not over the ending to season 4, and I never will be.) My one comfort is knowing that she fell in love with a man who loved and cherished and appreciated her just as much as she deserved, and she got to live a long and happy life with him and their daughter.

4. Katara from Avatar: the Last Airbender. Again probably not a surprise, given my blog, but I just. I love Katara so much. And she deserved so much better than what LoK reduced her to, and where the fuck was her statue, Bryke??? Where????? Anyway, she’s the ultimate Mom Friend who won’t hesitate to cut a bitch if they hurt her friends, and I just think she’s amazing.

5. Rogue from Marvel. Just... every version of her. Rogue was my favorite character from the original X-Men trilogy, which was my first real introduction to Marvel, and she was my favorite character in X-Men: Evolution, and by the time I finally got to actually read some of her comics I loved her even more. While I still love her in the original trilogy I also wish they’d given Anna Paquin more to work with, bc she sure fucking could have done it (and she’s even said she would’ve loved to be able to fly and punch people, and I 100% think she could’ve pulled off Rogue’s natural sass brilliantly), and she’s one of my all-time faves and has been for almost twenty years.

TOP FIVE SHIPS: -laughs nervously- i can only choose five???

1. Katara and Zuko from Avatar: the Last Airbender. Anyone who’s surprised, feel free to stand on your head. >.> LISTEN, OK, JUST LISTEN. Zuko and Katara had an amazing emotional journey in canon, and I love so much how their relationship developed, and there’s so much potential for how they could have grown as a couple and I just. This is why we have fanfic and fanart. (And frankly, I’m glad they weren’t canon--given what was done to the canon ships, I wouldn’t trust Bryke with them. I shudder to think what would’ve happened to Zutara if they were canon and Bryke was in charge of their story.)

2. Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls from Veronica Mars. Listen, we’re just gonna... ignore the last five minutes of 4x08 (and Rob Thomas can fucking bite me). I spent a decade loving these two utter fools and I finally got to see them get fucking married and they are going to live long and happy lives and Veronica’s always gonna Veronica but Logan loves her and she loves him and they’ll work through any problems they have together like mature, rational adults, and they’ll keep solving mysteries cause trouble sticks to V like a bad rash and Logan will always be there to help her, and nothing can take that away from me.

3. Emma Swan and Killian Jones from Once Upon a Time. Killian’s redemption arc is probably second only to Zuko���s, and I fucking love how much he loves Emma Swan. It’s what she deserves. They build each other up and love and cherish each other so goddamn much and I still get choked up just thinking about them. (Usually I pretend that their wedding went off without a hitch and s7 didn’t happen because there was REALLY no need. This trend of shows continuing after their female leads bail needs to stop, I’ve literally never seen it end in anything except the show being panned for however many seasons it ran after the lead’s departure, and rightfully so.)

4. Elena Gilbert and Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries. The show did them so fucking dirty in the later seasons, but fuck if those first four seasons of amazing development don’t still fuck me up. And however much TVD ran itself into the ground, I will always have Elena, and Delena, and my love for them despite how awful the show became.

5. Rikki Chadwick and Zane Bennett from H2O: Just Add Water. Season 3 can bite me, Rikki and Zane were happy together and Zane had so much growth from the jackass he was at the beginning of season 1, and no way would he have cheated on Rikki even for a moment. They deserved so much better my gods.

[itsthecupbros]

Afraid of Your Own Shadow: Muse is unnaturally skittish and afraid of everything around them.

What Are You, Chicken?: Muse gets the chicken pox. Anon decides if there are any magical side effects.

Man Overboard!: Muse develops an intense fear of water.

Feeling Guilty: Muse is convinced they are wanted for a crime they have commited. Anon can decide what the crime was.

?yako uoy erA: Muse is cursed to speak backwards.

Happy Days: Muse is forced to keep a permanent smile.

Do Not Pass Go: Muse is put in a small prison without escape or bail.

All About the Money: Muse becomes obsessed with money and refuses to spend any of it.

My Big Day: Muse believes they are to be wed to the person of anon's choice.

I'm Melting!: Muse cannot stop bleeding from the mouth, nose, or eyes (anon's choice). Muse cannot pass out from blood loss.

Holy Halo: Muse is dressed like an angel and can float.

The Living Dead: Muse dies and becomes a living corpse. Comes back to life when time is up.

S-S-Stop!: Muse develops a bad stutter.

The Invisible Man: Muse's body becomes invisible; this does not apply to clothing.

Thou Wretched Fool!: Muse believes they are a medieval knight.

Poet In Hiding: Muse can only speak in rhyme.

Awkward Stage: Muse becomes a teenager. If Muse is already a teenager, they become an adult.

The Reaper Crys!: Muse becomes obsessed with death. Anon decides if it is another Muse's death or their own.

Frozen to the Core: Muse becomes extremely cold natured and seeks any form of warmth.

Shut the Blinds: Muse becomes allergic to the sun.

1ST JUL 2013

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2,049 NOTES

Baker Baker: Muse won't and refuses to stop cooking.

Russian Roulette: Muse is given a gun with one bullet that must be used to shoot someone/something of Mun's choosing. Ends when shot is executed.

All That Glitters: Muse becomes obsessed with shiny objects.

Just Shut Up!: Muse hears voices in their head. Anon can pick whose voice it is.

Bury the Hatchet: Muse believes they have a murder weapon, and will try to hide it at all costs. Anon can choose the murder weapon.

Achoo!: Muse becomes allergic to something precious to them. Anon can decide what this is.

Just Like Rapunzel: Muse has extremely long hair that cannot be cut.

For Science!: Muse suddenly has the urge to become a test subject. Anon may choose who's subject he is.

That's Not Punny: Muse feels inclined to make a pun about almost everything.

Nice Boxers: Muse believes they are stripped down to their underwear, even if they are fully clothed.

The Fairest Queen of Kings: Muse must dress in drag/drab.

Mankind's Best Friend: Muse feels the need to keep their pet or some animal with them at all times. Anon may choose which animal Muse desires.

Insomniac: Muse desperately wants to go to sleep, but cannot.

It's Pouring!: Muse keeps a cloud over their head, which will rain depending on their mood. Anon can decide what mood it rains on.

Technologic: Muse is turned into a robot.

You've Got Mail!: Muse believes they have an important message for the person of Anon's choosing. Anon can also choose what the message says.

Sufferin' Succotash!: Muse develops a lisp.

The Life of Mime: Muse becomes a mute and is forced to wear a mime outfit, along with proper mime makeup.

Freeze!: Muse freezes up for a few seconds whenever a certain word is said. Anon may choose the word.

Round and Round: Muse develops vertigo, and cannot stand, walk or run too much without feeling dizzy and/or sick.

1ST JUL 2013

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439 NOTES

The Premature Burial: Muse has catalepsy, thought to be dead, and is buried alive with no provisions and no hope, for ____(duration specified by anon)

The Black Cat: Muse is a perpetual drunk prone to abuse, be it animal or domestic, for ___(duration specified by anon)

The Pit and the Pendulum: Muse is a convicted felon and sentenced to death. Anon specifies form/duration of torture.

The Raven: Muse is masochistic for ___(duration specified by anon)

Annabel Lee: Muse loses their one true love and suffers from a broken heart (duration specified by anon; muse can die from broken heart should the anon choose it).

The Masque of the Red Death: Muse is afraid of death and has a lethal disease whose symptoms include sharp pains, dizziness, profuse bleeding, and red stains, causing him/her to be shunned from society. Lasts for____(duration specified by anon)

The Tell-Tale Heart/Murders of the Rue Morgue: Muse is paranoid of others and upon killing them, tries to hide the bodies of his/her victims, all while evading arrest through use of wiles. Lasts for____(duration specified by anon)

Fall of the House of Usher: Muse becomes a shut-in consigned to the hospital, incapable of caring for him/herself and in need of special, degrading attention. Lasts for ___(duration specified by anon)

Ligeia: Muse is deathly ill and dies, but resurrects in the body of another person. Anon specifies duration and the body of the other deceased.

William Wilson: Muse is manipulated by their alter ego and believes his/her rival to physically exist; but being unable to escape his/her personal demons, ultimately commits a murder-suicide in an attempt to vanquish said rival.

1ST JUL 2013

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122 NOTES

Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites: Your muse feels the need to hide from everyone. Anon specifies the time length.

Rise and Shine Little Bitch: Your muse has just woken up from an excruciating hangover that lasts one day.

Pretend it's a Video Game: Level up! Your muse is now a video game character. It lasts for 5 days.

With you, Friends (Long Drive): Your muse suddenly feels extremely adventurous. Anon specifies the time length.

Bikinis and Big Booties Y'all: Whoo! For one entire night, your muse suddenly wants to get drunk and party.

Never Gonna Get This Pussy: Your muse is feeling so fragile that if anyone touches them, they're mentally impure. Anon specifies the time length.

Smell this money: For one night, your muse has an urge to go and rob something. Anon Specifies where they rob.

Park Smoke: For one night, your muse stays outside {with an optional cigarette}, due to their belief that if they go inside their settlement, they'll get sick of slow suffocation and die.

Your friends ain't gonna leave with you: Your muse is afraid that everyone they care about will forget about/leave them.

Ride Home: Your muse gets extreme nostalgia that doesn't go away until {Anon specifies}

Son of Scary Monsters: Muse acts like a stubborn child that must scare everyone for {Anon Specifies the time length}

Big 'Ol Scardy Pants: Your muse is afraid of everything. Everything. Lasts 2 days.

Scary Monsters on Strings: Your muse is a puppet on strings. 3 days.

Lights: Turn the lights on! Your muse has a sudden addiction to lights. All lights are beautiful. Must look at lights. Lasts a full week.

1ST JUL 2013

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32 NOTES

Castle in the Sky Your Muse see a Castle in the sky and goes up to the sky and see it real For__

Angel of Darkness Your Muse become evil with dark powers and become The Angel of Darkness and Try to take over For__

Earth Wind Water & Fire Yous Muse Have power(Ex.Earth powers) For__

Roses are Red Your Muse Is love with (anon tell to who) For__

Bumble Bee Your Muse Has a feeling love for(anon tell to who) For__

Superstar Your Muse Become Rich and Famous For__

Dam Dadi Do Your Muse Dance Non-Stop For__

1ST JUL 2013

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1,204 NOTES

The classiest M!A list you’ll ever see compiled by yours truly and Tomas mun. All times are specified by anon or mun.

Taming of the Shrew: Your muse turns into an obstinate, headstrong person who has to be tamed into being compliant and good again

The Tempest: Your muse has been caught in a terrible shipwreck and is stranded on a seemingly uninhabited island (other muses can be on island too if mun agrees)

Romeo and Juliet: Your muse has fallen /desperately/ in love with the one person they know they can’t have

As You Like It: Your muse has to pretend to be the opposite gender for whatever reason the anon or mun think is appropriate

Macbeth: Your muse is convinced they have killed someone-or maybe they really have- and is going mad with guilt

A Midsummers Night Dream: Your muse is now some strange part them part animal hybrid (anon specifies animal)

The Merchant of Venice: Your muse owes a large sum of money to someone on pain of death (anon specifies when the money is due by)

A Comedy of Errors: Your muse either develops an evil twin /or/ the muse goes around pretending to do loads of things and blaming it on their 'twin'

King Lear: Your muse is descending into complete madness

Richard III: Your muse wants to trade really important items for really menial ones

Winter's Tale: Your muse is frozen and can’t move but they can hear and see fine.

Hamlet: Your muse is overcome by a death or tragedy in their past, and seeks revenge on whichever character/person they believe to be most responsible for it.

Much Ado About Nothing: Your muse unashamedly attempts to seduce as many characters as he/she can

Henry V: The muse embarks on war/battle against a character/threatening force

Julius Caesar: Your muse thinks everyone is stabbing them in the back, literally or metaphorically

Othello: Your muse thinks his/her lover is cheating on them with their best friend. Alternatively, if you prefer / if your muse has no lover, your muse plots to convince /another/ character that /their/ lover is cheating on them with their best friend

Twelth Night: Your muse disguises themselves as the opposite gender/as someone else, which either directly or accidentally creates an awkward love situation or a love triangle.

Sonnet: Either your muse can now only speak in sonnet form /or/ they are going around pronouncing their undying love for everyone.

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50 NOTES

Ico: Muse now has horns protruding from their head.

Yorda: Muse has to be literally led by the hand everywhere. If left alone, they will just stay in one spot.

Queen: Muse wants to take over someone's body to continue living. (Anon decides who)

Wander: Muse slowly becomes paler, and dark splotches will form on their skin and clothes over time.

Mono: Muse is dead, and will only wake up after a certain amount of time.

Dormin: Muse is disembodied and can only go back in their body when they are given sixteen of a particular item. (Anon decides what item)

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131 NOTES

All M!As are inspired by the tv show "Animalia"!

The Mists of Time: There are ancient, elephant-sized, ravenous frogs everywhere. Perhaps your muse is hallucinating, perhaps not, but either way, they're scared of being eaten. 7 hours.

Catcher in the Rhyme: Your muse suddenly can't stop speaking in rhymes. If they say a word without a rhyme, their muscles cramp up and they get cold, freezing themselves stiffer each time. 5 hours.

Forget Me Not: Long-term and short-term memory loss. Who are you? Oh, ok. Wait, who are you? 3 hours.

Long Story Short: Did you hear about...? Gossip is being spread from the mouth of your muse, and it keeps getting worse and worse because they aren't really listening to anyone but themselves. 3 hours.

Speechless in Animalia: Your muse just wants some peace and quiet! And they get it... in spades. Deaf and mute. 1 day.

Don Iguana: Your muse just started reading Don Quixote and is inspired to fight crime! They become d'Avenger of d'Whatevercountrytheylivein. They lose sleep while fighting crime, eventually being to hallucinate. They really should have finished that book first... 2 days.

Over and Beyond: One day your muse meets a unicorn. And the next they are held captive by a dragon. 2 days.

Being Peter Applebottom: Your muse suddenly thinks they're a genius. A condescending, pompous, arrogant genius who hates laughter and playfulness. "Comedy is low, sophomoric, crass. I don't practice it." 2 days.

Brain Drain: Your muse swaps intellect with another muse. 1 day.

The World According to Iggy: Your muse is a hero! Well... in their eyes they are! They've got a sudden desire to tell everyone of fantastical tales -starring themselves- that are extreme exaggerations. 1 day.

Gettting Over the Glums: Your muse inhales the pollen of a strange plant. They become lethargic and depressed, and slump on the nearest couch. The only cure is a good, long laugh. (And ticking won't work!) 12 hours.

The Day Zoe Listened: Your muse makes a vow to go a day without talking. But as the silence goes on, your muse starts to hear whispers in the trees. Hallucinations? Dryads? Who knows. 1 day.

Alex's Treasure Island: Time for a treasure hunt! Your muse is searching high and low for Captain Flint's hoard, getting greedier all the time. That pretty necklace around that other muse's throat... why, it's a part of the trove! 16 hours.

The Animal Within: OOOGAAAAH. Suddenly, your muse is acting like a wild animal. Eating with their face, scratching themselves, grunting... 7 hours.

Scary Story Go Round: Your muse is now the hapless victim in a horror movie. Tripping, screaming, rallying the rebels to take on the monsters. 1 day.

The Ballad of the Creeper: Your muse is a blethering ninny. "Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo!" 3 hours.

From 'A' to 'Z': Your muse starts forgetting words. "Could you please move that ch... ch... that thing! That thing that you sit on! What's it called again?" 12 hours.

The Dragon and the Night: Your muse is afraid of non-existent trolls and the dark, and is too embarrassed to admit to either. 12 hours.

Tomorrow: Your muse thinks the world is going to end tomorrow. 1 day.

Guardians of the Core: Your muse can't stop singing and dancing. Whatever song pops into their head, they will perform. 3 hours.

Back to the Present: Your muse is traveling back home, perhaps one day to return, perhaps not. 12 hours.

What the World Needs Now: Your muse gains the powers of a god. They can change the world to their ideals... but should they? 7 hours.

1ST JUL 2013

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3,876 NOTES

Paint it Red: Muse becomes blood-crazy. They want to see it, taste it, and feel it in any way or form.

Overprotective: Muse becomes obsessive of the next person in their inbox.

Over the Edge: Muse's mental health has skyrocketed down, making them very unstable.

Burning Up: Muse feels extremely hot and can't seem to get cool.

Hypochondriac: Muse thinks they have an illness (chosen by anon), even though they are completely healthy.

Heartache: Muse feels a sharp pain in their chest every time they think of their lover (or someone/thing they love).

Not Yourself: Muse has the personality of a character of anon's choice.

Double Trouble: Muse has an exact copy of themself to deal with. Only the copy secretly wants to kill them.

Heavily Accented: Muse's voice has an unfamiluar accent to it, which is chosen by anon.

Night Owl: Muse has trouble staying awake during the day and going to sleep at night.

A Holy Man?!: Muse takes everything literally.

A World of Color: Muse becomes colorblind. If Muse is already colorblind, they can now see colors.

Congratulations!: Muse is given a baby and told it's theirs. Anon can tell them who the 'other parent' is.

A Haunting I Will Go!: Muse becomes a ghost that must haunt the person of anon's choice.

Bittersweet: Everything Muse eats turns to candy in their mouth. The reverse effect goes for actual candy, which turns into a random food.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #471

(from yesterday)

Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Strawberry, for one. Have you met somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with? I could see it happening, but it's way too early to determine something like that. Who was the last male you talked to? Does he have facial hair? My boyfriend, and a very little bit. Name a band you like, that starts with the 2nd letter of your name. Rammstein. Have you ever dressed up as a Disney character? Which one? Not to my recollection. Have you ever played chess? If so, are you good at it? No. Name an alcoholic beverage that you dislike. Wine. Is there anyone who sends you messages to say good morning/night? Girt does most days. :') Is there anyone you interact with often on social media but not in person? Yeah. Do you own any adult coloring books? What kind(s) do you like? Yeah. Ones with animals. Which of your friends do you confide in the most? Sara. Is there anything you haven’t done lately, that you’d like to do soon? Draw, especially a larger project. How long is your driveway? Not long at all. Are there any TV shows you keep up with religiously? No. Would you ever meet someone in person that you met online? I've already done that and would again. Not just anyone, of course, but there are a good number of friends I would absolutely take up the opportunity to meet irl. What are your neighbours like? I don't know either of them. What accent is your favorite? British. If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? Nah. What was your most recent reason for smiling? :) Girt called me a cutiepie. ;;____;; <3 Name one person you’d take a bullet for: The first person to come to mind is my mom. Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon? I don't know, man. What’s your crush’s/boyfriend's/husband’s name? Donald Jr. is his real name, but I don't call him that. Also, not everyone dates boys, shocking as that may be. And their occupation? He works at a tire company that I won't name. Are your teeth naturally straight? I had braces, so obviously not. Did you go to the beach this year? No, which I'm content with. Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month? Yeah. Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house? Yep. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. If you had to study something for the next year, what would you study? My initial reaction was to think "photography," which I guess I realistically would go for, but I'm still unsure. I don't know how much longer I can cling to the photography dream, so, y'know. If you were a fantasy character, would you be a warrior, a mage, or a rogue? Mage, I guess. Who is your favourite movie villain? Red Pyramid Thing/Pyramid Head. He has different names in the games and movie universe, so take your pick. Have you ever calculated whether you get enough minerals and vitamins in your diet? No. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? I wash them first. Do you hate using public restrooms? Does ANYBODY like using them? I avoid them as best I possibly can. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? Motherfuckin' King Ramses from Courage the Cowardly Dog aklsdfkaljdsfka like I had nightmares y'all What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? The drone strike on Afghanistan killing citizens (children included) versus terrorists. I could write ten pages worth of why this whole thing pisses me the fuck off, but I'll avoid getting that political. Do you believe that acupuncture works? No. How long does it take before you trust a person? It varies person to person. Do you know anyone with a lisp? Not off the top of my head, anyway. If you were to break a Guinness Record, which one would you try and beat? I dunno. Are you scared of clowns? No. Are you listening to music currently? "Scum of the Earth" by Rob Zombie is on currently. Did your last kiss mean anything? It meant a lot. Have you ever been sung to personally? Some of the song, yes. If so, what song did they sing? "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Do you think you’re brave? Eh, it depends on what I'm facing. Do you like Paramore? Yeah. Were you afraid of heights as a child? No, but I am as an adult. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? I dunno. I guess the very brief one between Nala and Simba because T E E T H. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No. What’s the most difficult experience you and a significant other have gone through together? Distance when we really needed each other's company was definitely difficult. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? I don’t have any. Have you ever attempted to pick a lock? Did you succeed? No. How many times have you donated blood? Once. How many times have you had surgery? Twice. When was the last time you were at the beach? What did you do there? Years ago when Colleen and I were still friends. I swam a lot because the water felt FANTASTIC, then I also just chilled with Colleen, her husband, and their young son with snacks and stuff under their tent. It was fun, save for getting horrible sun poisoning... Who was the last person you spoke to online? How do you know this person? Girt and I have been using Discord to message each other. We met in high school. Who was the last person to visit your house? What were they there for? Also Girt. We were just hangin'. If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be and why? I wish I had a fit stomach because I feel hideous with mine. How do you feel about dreads on women? I don't care. Do whatever you want with your own hair. Do you feel like your life is moving forward? Very, very, VERY slowly, and only in certain contexts. Would you let your kid smoke weed? Seeing as it's illegal in my state, there's no way because I'd be terrified of them facing jail. If it was legal though and it was for medical purposes, I would be okay with it. I'd be nervous about my kid smoking anything with the risk of lung cancer, but. If they were at least 18 I'd say, I wouldn't force them to do as I say in regards to this topic. Do you feel like you connect more with animals or other people? Animals, for sure. Can you swear in a different language? Of course I would know "shit" and "fuck" in German lmaoooo Have you ever been banned from anywhere? No. Have you ever had a UTI? Many times, actually, because I don't and never have drank enough water. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem? No. Who last held your hand? Girt. Do you know anyone who plays heaps of sports? Possibly? When was the last time you had chocolate? Yesterday. Girt, Mom, and I made s'mores together. Do you have any pets other than dogs or cats? Yeah, I have a snake. What is your favorite type of seashell? Idk the names of different kinds of seashells. Do you love 3-D movies? Yeah. When’s the last time you had a hamburger? Last night, actually. That was dinner. Are there any fake tattoos on you? No. Do you own a fish tank? No. Do you own a feather boa? No. What do you usually drink at meals? It varies. Did you pull any pranks on April Fool’s day, or vice versa? I never do. I don't really like the idea of the "holiday." Have you ever seen the last person you hugged naked? No. Where did you get your favorite shirt? Cloak is an online business. How would you react if your mom got a lip piercing? I'd find it metal af tbh, ha ha. Have you ever suspected that your last ex was cheating? Why? Not at all. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Yesterday, to make a dinner bowl from the freezer. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done? Oh GOD, I don't want to even try to imagine. I'll save myself the embarrassment. What do you do when you’re sad? It's pretty common I'll sleep if I'm extremely sad, sometimes I'll cry it out, or listen to music... Are you excited for anything? What? I'm REALLY hype for Halloween. I mentioned in another survey that I wanna make some awesome plans with Girt, and I realized Halloween is on a Sunday this year, which he should have off from work, so I'd say it's likely!!! Do you have playlists on your iPod? I do, for varying moods. I pretty much never ever use them, though.

[clubofinfo]

Expert: Is ours a government of the people, by the people, for the people, or a kakistocracy rather, for the benefit of knaves at the cost of fools? — James Russell Lowell, 19th century American poet/critic/editor/diplomat, in a 1876 letter to Joel Benton. Let us not mince words. We are living in an age of war profiteers. We are living in an age of scoundrels, liars, brutes and thugs. Many of them work for the U.S. government. We are living in an age of monsters. Ask Donald Trump. He knows all about monsters. Any government that leaves “mothers and fathers, infants and children, thrashing in pain and gasping for air” is evil and despicable, said President Trump, justifying his blatantly unconstitutional decision (in the absence of congressional approval or a declaration of war) to launch airstrikes against Syria based on dubious allegations that it had carried out chemical weapons attacks on its own people. “They are crimes of a monster.” If the Syrian government is a monster for killing innocent civilians, including women and children, the U.S. government must be a monster, too. In Afghanistan, ten civilians were killed—including three children, one an infant in his mother’s arms—when U.S. warplanes targeted a truck in broad daylight on an open road with women and children riding in the exposed truck bed. They had been fleeing airstrikes on their village. In Syria, at least 80 civilians, including 30 children, were killed when U.S.-led air strikes bombed a school and a packed marketplace. In Yemen, a U.S. drone bombed a caravan of vehicles on their way to or from a wedding, leaving “scorched vehicles and body parts … scattered on the road.” As investigative journalist Tom Engelhart documents, that 2013 bombing was actually the eighth wedding party (almost 300 civilians dead) wiped out by the U.S. military, totally or in part, since the Afghan War began in 2001. “Keep in mind that, in these years, weddings haven’t been the only rites hit,” notes Engelhart. “US air power has struck gatherings ranging from funerals to a baby-naming ceremony.” Then there was a Doctors without Borders hospital in Kunduz that had 12 of its medical staff and 10 of its patients, including three children, killed when a U.S. AC-130 gunship fired on it repeatedly. Some of the patients were burned alive in their hospital beds. Yes, on this point, President Trump is exactly right: these are, indeed, the crimes of a monster. Unfortunately, this monster—this hundred-headed gorgon that is the U.S. government and its long line of political puppets (Donald Trump and before him Obama, Bush, Clinton, etc.), who dance to the tune of the military industrial complex—is being funded by you and me. The blood of innocent civilians is on our hands whether we choose to recognize it or not. It is our tax dollars at work here, after all. Unfortunately, we have no real say in how the government runs, or how our taxpayer funds are used. We have no real say, but we’re being forced to pay through the nose, anyhow, for endless wars that do more to fund the military industrial complex than protect us, pork barrel projects that produce little to nothing, and a police state that serves only to imprison us within its walls. The only alternative to paying one’s taxes is jail, and there are few people willing to go to jail for a principle anymore. Still, while we may not have much choice in the matter of how our taxes are used, we still have a voice and a vote, and it’s time the American people made their voices—and their votes—heard about the way our taxes are used and misused by this government of wolves and thieves and liars. Consider: we get taxed on how much we earn, taxed on what we eat, taxed on what we buy, taxed on where we go, taxed on what we drive, and taxed on how much is left of our assets when we die. Indeed, if there is an absolute maxim by which the federal government seems to operate, it is that the American taxpayer always gets ripped off. This is true whether you’re talking about taxpayers being forced to fund high-priced weaponry that will be used against us, endless wars that do little for our safety or our freedoms, or bloated government agencies such as the National Security Agency with its secret budgets, covert agendas and clandestine activities. Rubbing salt in the wound, even monetary awards in lawsuits against government officials who are found guilty of wrongdoing are paid by the taxpayer. Not only are American taxpayers forced to “spend more on state, municipal, and federal taxes than the annual financial burdens of food, clothing, and housing combined,” but we’re also being played as easy marks by hustlers bearing the imprimatur of the government. With every new tax, fine, fee and law adopted by our so-called representatives, the yoke around the neck of the average American seems to tighten just a little bit more. Everywhere you go, everything you do, and every which way you look, we’re getting swindled, cheated, conned, robbed, raided, pick-pocketed, mugged, deceived, defrauded, double-crossed and fleeced by governmental and corporate shareholders of the American police state out to make a profit at taxpayer expense. Yet as Ron Paul observed, “The Founding Fathers never intended a nation where citizens would pay nearly half of everything they earn to the government.” The overt and costly signs of the despotism exercised by the increasingly authoritarian regime that passes itself off as the United States government are all around us: warrantless surveillance of Americans’ private phone and email conversations by the NSA; SWAT team raids of Americans’ homes; shootings of unarmed citizens by police; harsh punishments meted out to schoolchildren in the name of zero tolerance; drones taking to the skies domestically; endless wars; out-of-control spending; militarized police; roadside strip searches; roving TSA sweeps; privatized prisons with a profit incentive for jailing Americans; fusion centers that collect and disseminate data on Americans’ private transactions; and militarized agencies with stockpiles of ammunition, to name some of the most appalling. Meanwhile, the three branches of government (Executive, Legislative and Judicial) and the agencies under their command—Defense, Commerce, Education, Homeland Security, Justice, Treasury, etc.—have switched their allegiance to the Corporate State with its unassailable pursuit of profit at all costs and by any means possible. As a result, we are now ruled by a government consumed with squeezing every last penny out of the population and seemingly unconcerned if essential freedoms are trampled in the process. As with most things, if you want to know the real motives behind any government program, follow the money trail. When you dig down far enough, you quickly find that those who profit from Americans being surveilled, fined, scanned, searched, probed, tasered, arrested and imprisoned are none other than the police who arrest them, the courts which try them, the prisons which incarcerate them, and the corporations, which manufacture the weapons, equipment and prisons used by the American police state. It gets worse. Because the government’s voracious appetite for money, power and control has grown out of control, its agents have devised other means of funding its excesses and adding to its largesse through taxes disguised as fines, taxes disguised as fees, and taxes disguised as tolls, tickets and penalties. The government’s schemes to swindle, cheat, scam, and generally defraud Americans have run the gamut from wasteful pork barrel legislation, cronyism and graft to asset forfeiture schemes, the modern-day equivalent of highway robbery, astronomical health care “reform,” and costly stimulus packages. Americans have also been made to pay through the nose for the government’s endless wars, subsidization of foreign nations, military empire, welfare state, roads to nowhere, bloated workforce, secret agencies, fusion centers, private prisons, biometric databases, invasive technologies, arsenal of weapons, and every other budgetary line item that is contributing to the fast-growing wealth of the corporate elite at the expense of those who are barely making ends meet—that is, we the taxpayers. Those football stadiums that charge exorbitant sums for nosebleed seats? Our taxpayer dollars subsidize them. Those blockbuster war films? Yep, we were the silent investors on those, too. Same goes for the military equipment being peddled to local police agencies and the surveillance cameras being “donated” to local governments. In other words, in the eyes of the government, “we the people, the voters, the consumers, and the taxpayers” are little more than indentured servants. We’re slaves. If you have no choice, no voice, and no real options when it comes to the government’s claims on your property and your money, you’re not free. You’re not free if the government can seize your home and your car (which you’ve bought and paid for) over nonpayment of taxes. You’re not free if government agents can freeze and seize your bank accounts and other valuables if they merely “suspect” wrongdoing. And you’re certainly not free if the IRS gets the first cut of your salary to pay for government programs over which you have no say. It wasn’t always this way, of course. Early Americans went to war over the inalienable rights described by philosopher John Locke as the natural rights of life, liberty and property. It didn’t take long, however—a hundred years, in fact—before the American government was laying claim to the citizenry’s property by levying taxes to pay for the Civil War. As the New York Times reports, “Widespread resistance led to its repeal in 1872.” Determined to claim some of the citizenry’s wealth for its own uses, the government reinstituted the income tax in 1894. Charles Pollock challenged the tax as unconstitutional, and the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in his favor. Pollock’s victory was relatively short-lived. Members of Congress—united in their determination to tax the American people’s income—worked together to adopt a constitutional amendment to overrule the Pollock decision. On the eve of World War I, in 1913, Congress instituted a permanent income tax by way of the 16th Amendment to the Constitution and the Revenue Act of 1913. Under the Revenue Act, individuals with income exceeding $3,000 could be taxed starting at 1% up to 7% for incomes exceeding $500,000. It’s all gone downhill from there. Unsurprisingly, the government has used its tax powers to advance its own imperialistic agendas and the courts have repeatedly upheld the government’s power to penalize or jail those who refused to pay their taxes. All the while the government continues to do whatever it likes—levy taxes, rack up debt, spend outrageously and irresponsibly, wage endless wars that make no one safer but fatten the bank accounts of the defense contractors—with little thought for the plight of its citizens. Somewhere over the course of the past 240-plus years, democracy has given way to kleptocracy (a government ruled by thieves), and representative government has been rejected in favor of a kakistocracy (a government run by the most unprincipled citizens that panders to the worst vices in our nature: greed, violence, hatred, prejudice and war) ruled by career politicians, corporations and thieves—individuals and entities with little regard for the rights of American citizens. The American kleptocracy continues to suck the American people down a rabbit hole into a parallel universe in which the Constitution is meaningless, the government is all-powerful, and the citizenry is powerless to defend itself against government agents who steal, spy, lie, plunder, kill, abuse and generally inflict mayhem and sow madness on everyone and everything in their sphere. This dissolution of that sacred covenant between the citizenry and the government—establishing “we the people” as the masters and the government as the servant—didn’t happen overnight. It didn’t happen because of one particular incident or one particular president. It has been a process, one that began long ago and continues in the present day, aided and abetted by politicians who have mastered the polarizing art of how to “divide and conquer.” By playing on our prejudices about those who differ from us, capitalizing on our fears for our safety, and deepening our distrust of those fellow citizens whose opinions run counter to our own, the powers-that-be have effectively divided us into polarized, warring camps incapable of finding consensus on the one true menace that is an immediate threat to all of our freedoms: the U.S. government. We are now the subjects of a militarized, corporate empire in which the vast majority of the citizenry work their hands to the bone for the benefit of a privileged few. Adding injury to the ongoing insult of having our tax dollars misused and our so-called representatives bought and paid for by the moneyed elite, the government then turns around and uses the money we earn with our blood, sweat and tears to target, imprison and entrap us, in the form of militarized police, surveillance cameras, private prisons, license plate readers, drones, and cell phone tracking technology. All of those nefarious government deeds that you read about in the paper every day: those are your tax dollars at work. It’s your money that allows for government agents to spy on your emails, your phone calls, your text messages, and your movements. It’s your money that allows out-of-control police officers to burst into innocent people’s homes, or probe and strip search motorists on the side of the road, or shoot an unarmed person. And it’s your money that leads to innocent Americans across the country being prosecuted for innocuous activities such as raising chickens at home, growing vegetable gardens, and trying to live off the grid. Just remember the next time you see a news story that makes your blood boil, whether it’s a child being kicked out of school for shooting an imaginary arrow, or a homeowner being threatened with fines for building a pond in his backyard, remember that it is your tax dollars that are paying for these injustices. So what are you going to do about it? There was a time in our history when our forebears said “enough is enough” and stopped paying their taxes to what they considered an illegitimate government. They stood their ground and refused to support a system that was slowly choking out any attempts at self-governance, and which refused to be held accountable for its crimes against the people. Their resistance sowed the seeds for the revolution that would follow. Unfortunately, as I make clear in my book Battlefield America: The War on the American People, in the 200-plus years since we established our own government, we’ve let bankers, turncoats and number-crunching bureaucrats muddy the waters and pilfer the accounts to such an extent that we’re back where we started. Once again, we’ve got a despotic regime with an imperial ruler doing as they please. Once again, we’ve got a judicial system insisting we have no rights under a government which demands that the people march in lockstep with its dictates. And once again, we’ve got to decide whether we’ll keep marching or break stride and make a turn toward freedom. But what if we didn’t just pull out our pocketbooks and pony up to the federal government’s outrageous demands for more money? What if we didn’t just dutifully line up to drop our hard-earned dollars into the collection bucket, no questions asked about how it will be spent? What if, instead of quietly sending in our checks, hoping vainly for some meager return, we did a little calculating of our own and started deducting from our taxes those programs that we refuse to support? If we don’t have the right to decide what happens to our hard-earned cash, then we don’t have very many rights at all. If the government can just take from you what they want, when they want, and then use it however they want, you can’t claim to be anything more than a serf in a land they think of as theirs. This was the case in the colonial era, and it’s the case once again. http://clubof.info/