#webber died right as i arrived

[candlefox99]

doodles from the maxwell session

[zalrb]

Greys anon here again

Ok you do make very fair points ma’am

I agree that mer doesn’t want to be her mom and Cristina pointing that out is what prompted her to start the whole research but I do think that that Cristina could’ve delivered that argument a little differently. I don’t want her to coddle mer but I think some words were a little too much but Cristina has valid points.

I also agree that mer has issues separating work and personal and it bothers me mer has never been the one to make the first move to apologize. In season 5 after that argument it’s Cristina who comforts her after mer goes to Williams execution and had a breakdown that Derek couldn’t stop, so mer never actually took the first step.

In season 10, they have another argument and during the moments before aprils wedding, Cristina approaches mer and tells her that her life is different than mer but it’s just as hard because she’s doing it alone and she at least thought she’d have mer. Cristina is the one to say all of this and mer then confesses her jealousy and the two make amends but I didn’t like how mer didn’t make the first move again.

On the subject of Shane, he starts kissing up to Derek when his new crop of interns arrive at the hospital and he wants to be as talented and flashy as Derek. However, Derek notices a natural talent for neuro in heather brooks and he tells Ross that he’s gonna be focused on mentoring brooks from now on.

Shane is very jealous that brooks is now Derek’s student and in 9x19 he tells her “I know what you’re doing. You may think I’m too nice to do anything about it but you’re wrong. You can try snake neuro out from under me but just so we’re clear I’m not going down without a fight”.

Then in another episode Derek tells Ross that brooks is gonna be his primary student because she has a natural talent. Ross tells Derek that he can do better and work harder but Derek reiterates that brooks will be his focus.

In 10x1 Derek tells Ross to get brooks and find Webber. When Ross meets brooks he tells her that Derek said for her to find Webber. This sends her down to where the electric wires and water shock and kill her. Basically brooks dies by electrocution because Ross was so jealous and wanted her place under Derek.

Shortly after, Cristina takes Shane under her wing and he becomes fascinated with her intelligence and with cardio, so he stays on her service as much as possible. Working with yang and her crazy smart decisions in the OR make him feel empowered, and when he and Yang start sleeping together this only increases.

He eventually does things like fake more hours into the log to work more, and kisses Stephanie after they save a patient (knowing she was seeing Jackson and does it anyway right before Jackson walks in) which puts Steph in a difficult and stressful position

Then he makes the decision to operate on Alex’s dad which he has no business doing , and messes it up. Webber tries to fix it but later on Alex’s dad died because of sepsis related complication caused by Shane. Alex punches him a few times so that’s nice but still it bothered me that Shane never got consequences for killing brooks out of jealousy and killing Alex’s dad. Shane leaves later to learn under Yang though so that’s that - I just hate him so much I wish he was punished

Are you caught up on greys with Jackson and April though? A lot of situations in greys makes it easy to see both sides but in that case no one could make a case for April IMO - she was horrible and selfish to Jackson the whole time after they lost Samuel, and then left to work on Jordan because it made her “feel better” but she never considered his feelings or tried to approach him ever ?

Jackson tried to approach April many times after Samuel, like there’s this one scene he asks her to maybe try again and she goes “screw you” and leaves. April made samuels death all about her because she had a “faith” crisis, and never even thought about Jackson, who also lost his kid.

She goes to Jordan once and then comes back, then Jackson who’s been suffering silently all this time tells her if she go back to Jordan, he wont be here for her when she returns, which is more than fair. She leaves for Jordan again and returns and tries to “fight” for their marriage ?? Like lady, what are you thinking ?

In 12x11 they fight ;April says that Jackson wasn’t dying after Samuel like she was, and she needed Jordan to cope. Jackson says he was never coping but hid his pain to try and help her - April says she was taking care of herself to “survive” and Jackson eventually blows up and tells her that he’s not gonna wait forever for her and that she already left him twice and that he wants a divorce. April was so selfish and only thought about her pain and not her husbands and her faith doesn’t make her pain more important than Jackson’s.

Things happen after that lol but I just wanted to know if you were thinking the same about some of this ?

So, the whole Shane thing ... when I was looking up scenes of the season 10 fight on YouTube I saw other commenters having this, like, passionate hatred for Shane too and when you list everything he's done I'm just like ... I mean ... in the context of Grey's this seems as bad as other characters. Like, did you hate Alex?

Because tallying off the shit Alex has done? Because he wasn't thorough enough during the train accident episode, a woman dies from internal bleeding then he screws over Cristina with Webber. Because he gave Olivia the wrong directions, he fries a guy's brain then cheats on Izzie. He tells Owen about Meredith's messing with the trial, which gets her fired. He tells the husband of that patient that Addison tied her tubes when he knows that the patient begged Addison to do the procedure and couldn't tell her husband. He harassed Izzie by putting up her modelling photos, yelled at April when she didn't want to have sex, that time he gave Olivia and by extension George syphilis, telling the other interns that George was repeating his intern year. I wasn't even watching Grey's at this point but he beat the shit out of DeLuca then his exit from the show is leaving Jo a letter so he can be with Izzie? Lol, maybe Shane was annoying but other characters have been worse.

Also people being mad that Brooks died because Shane didn't go down to look for Webber, he didn't actively kill her, he had no idea that would happen, just say you wish he went down there and died instead.

In terms of April and Jackson, everything I recounted in the last post is what I remember about their relationship.

[vro0m]

vro0m’s rewatch - 72/297

2011 Australian GP

Okay a little bit of information here before we begin with this season because I have a lot more followers than the last time I posted about this : after Abu Dhabi 2021 I decided to watch Lewis’ whole career to fill the void and also to try to understand how we got there. These are reviews of each race + GIFs I make to illustrate them. You can catch up on everything I already posted on my pinned post + there’s a special tag for these in case you wanna mute it.

It is time. 2011. Here we go.

There's been one minute of silence for the victims of the 2011 tsunami in Japan.

Ah too bad we don't get the build up. It's unfortunate because it's the first race of the season and that's normally when they cover all that's changed during the break... Webber is third on the grid, Lewis is second, Seb is on pole already, Jenson is fourth. Here are the newbies : Sergio Perez! (didn't know he arrived that early, I thought he had been in F1 for much less time than that...) in the Sauber. Di Resta in the force India, Maldonado in the Williams (look I heard things about him but I'm not sure what but I know he’s chaotic I can't wait to see), and D'Ambrosio in the virgin. Actually some of them might have been there last year too and I just haven't heard of them? Lol idk. If you want to know the cold facts check Wikipedia this is just me vibing and making gifs as you know by now.

Formation lap!

And they're racing!

Bad start for Lewis! He holds up Jenson too. Not good. Petrov is up into third place and there's a Williams in the gravel trap. Lewis is back into second place then it’s Webber, Petrov, Massa, Button, Rosberg, Kobayashi, Alonso and Alguersuari.

What the fuck there's some terrible hard rock playing loud in the background? Apparently it's to announce the ad break. We're 10 laps in. Seb is still leading. Lewis P2, Webber P3. Massa has been told his brakes are too hot. He's P5. Button is right behind him, but he himself is under pressure from Alonso.

Both Redbulls complain of their tyres. It seems the softs are short lived here. Ah Maldonado has stopped. Jenson overtook Massa illegally so he has to give back the place but Alonso also overtook Massa so he has to let them both through. Webber pits from third, he's now 9th on hard tyres. Alonso pits for softs again. Jenson argues he was pushed off the track by Massa, it's under investigation. Lewis is gaining on Seb. Massa pits, now if the stewards decide Jenson was at fault it'll be a drive through penalty instead. Seb pits! Lewis takes the lead. Seb is out behind Jenson, who gets a drive through indeed. Jenson held up Seb for a little but he got past. Lewis will have to stop, his ty yeah he does so as I write it lol. He gets the softs still? He's out just in front of Jenson who will let him go as he has a penalty anyway. So Seb is back in the lead and Lewis still second.

20 laps in, it's Kovalainen DNF for lotus. Schumacher DNF for Mercedes. And now contact between Barrichello who finds himself facing the wrong way and Rosberg? Who's getting away but smoking more and more, and finally has to stop. Both Mercedes out, then. Jenson overtakes Kobayashi for 7th. There's ad breaks every 5 laps I’m going crazy. Webber pitted again from third. Lewis is losing time. If I understand correctly there's something wrong with the plank under his chassis that's supposed to be a certain thickness at the end of the race. On a replay we see it dragging on the ground. Did he come detached? Now the issue isn't so much whether he'll defend his place against Petrov but will he be able to finish the race... Seb pits. Lewis pits. Petrov pits.

Ah btw. Kers is back. If you remember correctly I talked about it in the 2009 rewatch. It was this braking system that allowed to store kinetic energy to use it as a boost at another time. The Mclarens used it back then with the issue that it was very heavy and so a lot of teams gave up on developing/using it. In 2010 it was still allowed but all the teams agreed not to use it. In 2011 the weight limit was raised by 20kg and so it's making a comeback. It seems most teams are struggling with it though, because it fucks with how it feels to brake.

Webber pits again and Alonso gets in third, we’re 42 laps in. But Petrov overtakes him! The whole story is Mark Webber trying to get on the podium. Perez somehow has only stopped once! How did he manage his tyres... Now they tell Lewis 7 laps to go and to please look after the car as it is damaged. Barrichello retires.

And it's the end of the race!

Seb wins, Lewis p2, Petrov p3, his first podium.

Lewis takes a look at the plank under his car.

Wow we barely got the press conference in this stream...

They mention the pirelli tyres (last year they weren't pirellis I think) and apparently everybody was worried after the tests but Seb says in the end there weren't that many stops this time (is he talking about pit stops? Because most of them did 3 which is a lot…?) Also now they have the DRS to get closer which is what replaced the F duct from last year. Lewis is proud of the result, they weren't expecting to be anywhere near the top 5 two weeks prior, they're very happy, and he thinks they have good pace. Lewis says yes, the plank and the floor are massively damaged and he doesn't know when it happened but he was losing a lot of downforce. He had a bad start.

Sorry, that's not much gifs and not much content. Hopefully not all the 2011 races I downloaded will be like that.

[shhh-go-to-sleep]

Bella Swan: [voice over] Childhood is not from birth to a certain age. And at a certain age the child is grown and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.

[as Renee gets Bella’s wedding invitation]

Renee: Phil! It’s happening!

[Bella is trying on her wedding shoes]

Alice Cullen: Um…you just have to break them in.

Bella Swan: I’ve been breaking them in, for three days. Can I just go bare foot?

Alice Cullen: No! Absolutely not!

Bella Swan: I’m just thinking it’s a little much, you know? The dress and the shoes and all of this.

[she looks at the Cullens setting up the wedding decorations in the backyard]

Alice Cullen: No, it’s exactly enough. Tomorrow will be perfect.

[as they are setting up the wedding decorations in the backyard]

Emmett Cullen: Where do you want ’em boss?

Alice Cullen: On either side of the isle.

Rosalie Hale: What isle?

Alice Cullen: Does no one have Vision?!

[Bella is in her bedroom looking at her dreamcatcher when she suddenly feels Edward behind her, she turns to face him]

Edward Cullen: I’m just checking for cold feet.

Bella Swan: Mine are toasty warm.

Edward Cullen: It’s not too late to change your mind.

Bella Swan: What, now you’re having second thoughts?

[Edwards looks down]

Bella Swan: You are.

Edward Cullen: I’ve been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan.

Bella Swan: But?

[Edward looks down again]

Bella Swan: But?

Edward Cullen: I haven’t told you everything about myself.

Bella Swan: What? You’re not a virgin?

[Edward laughs]

Bella Swan: Look, you can’t scare me away now.

Edward Cullen: A few years after Carlisle created me, I rebelled against him. I resented him for curbing my appetite. So for a while I went off on my own. I wanted to know how it felt to hunt, to taste human blood.

[flash back to 1920’s when Edward bites and kills a man following a woman leaving a movie theater]

Edward Cullen: All the men I’ve killed were monsters. And so was I.

[referring to the men Edward had killed in the past]

Bella Swan: Edward they were all murderers. You probably saved more lives than you took.

Edward Cullen: Bella, that’s what I told myself. But they’re all human beings. I looked into their eyes as they died and I saw who I was and what I was capable of.

Bella Swan: And what I’ll be capable of. Why are you telling me this tonight? Did you really think this was going to change my mind about you?

Edward Cullen: I just wondered if it would change your mind about yourself and who you wanna see when you look in the mirror a year from now.

Bella Swan: I know I can do this. Let me tell you why, because you did. You should give yourself some credit for that. And hopefully a year from now I’m gonna look in the mirror and see someone like you. Someone capable of courage, sacrifice and love.

[Edwards leans in and kisses Bella]

[hearing Emmett shouting from outside her window]

Bella Swan: What is that?

Edward Cullen: I’m late for my bachelor party.

[suddenly Emmett jumps leaps up to Bella’s window]

Emmett Cullen: Send him out, Bella, or we’re coming in after him.

Bella Swan: So this party, will there be strippers?

Edward Cullen: No, just a couple of mountain lions, maybe a few bears.

[suddenly Jasper leaps up to Bella’s window]

Jasper Hale: Don’t worry, Bella, we’ll get him back in plenty of time

Bella Swan: Okay, go. Before they break my house.

Edward Cullen: I’ll meet you at the alter.

Bella Swan: I’ll be the one in white.

Edward Cullen: That’s very convincing.

[he leaps out of her window and joins Emmett and Jasper]

[as she’s putting on Bella’s make-up]

Alice Cullen: What did I say about beauty sleep?

Bella Swan: Sorry. Bad dream. Maybe it’s wedding jitters.

[to Alice as she’s helping Bella get prepared for the wedding]

Rosalie Hale: Do you need some help? I could do her hair.

Bella Swan: Really?

Rosalie Hale: Please. I’m not offended by your choice of groom.

Bella Swan: Just my blatant lack of respect for mortality.

Rosalie Hale: Essentially.

Alice Cullen: Weddings! They bring everyone together.

[as Charlie is looking at the Cullen’s wall of graduation caps with curiosity]

Renee: Hey, so did you find your daughter?

Charlie Swan: Are those graduation caps?

[Renee turns and looks at the caps]

Renee: Hah! How creative!

Charlie Swan: Or weird.

[as she sees Bella all made up]

Renee: Oh, my gosh! You’re so beautiful. Oh, honey.

[she starts crying]

Renee: Crap! My mascara.

[Alice gives her a handkerchief]

Renee: Thanks. Charlie, get in here!

Charlie Swan: You sure? I don’t wanna…

[Charlie walks into the room wearing his wedding tux]

Charlie Swan: I know, I look awful.

[Bella and the others laugh]

Renee: We thought you needed something blue.

[Charlie opens the gift box containing a jeweled hair comb]

Charlie Swan: And something old, besides your mother.

Renee: Nice!

Charlie Swan: It was grandma Swan’s.

[Bells picks up the comb]

Renee: But we added the sapphires.

Bella Swan: It’s beautiful you guys. Wow! Thank you so much.

[Bella gives it to Alice to put in her hair]

Renee: It’s your first family heirloom. Pass it on to your daughter, and her daughter.

[Renee starts to cry again]

Bella Swan: Um…I love it.

[as she goes to kiss her parents Alice stops her]

Alice Cullen: No! No smudging my masterpiece.

Renee: Oh, she’s right.

Alice Cullen: Okay, time for the dress!

[as they are waiting for the wedding to begin]

Jessica: So um…do you think Bella’s going to be showing?

Angela: Jess, she’s not pregnant!

Jessica: Okay. Who else gets married at eighteen?

[Bella is very nervous as they are about to walk down the isle]

Charlie Swan: You ready?

Bella Swan: Just don’t let me fall down.

Charlie Swan: Never.

Minister Webber: Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here on this glorious day to witness the union of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

[turning to Edward]

Minister Webber: Please, repeat after me. I, Edward Cullen.

Edward Cullen: I, Edward Cullen.

Minister Webber: Take you, Bella Swan.

Edward Cullen: Take you, Bella Swan.

Minister Webber: To have and to hold.

[the voice of the minister fades out and we only hear Edward and Bella say their vows]

Edward Cullen: To have and to hold.

Bella Swan: For better, for worse.

Edward Cullen: For richer, for poorer.

Bella Swan: In sickness and in health.

Edward Cullen: To love.

Bella Swan: To cherish as long as we both shall live.

Edward Cullen: I do.

Bella Swan: I do.

Edward Cullen: I love you.

Bella Swan: I love you too.

[they kiss and everyone stands and claps]

[after the reception, Jessica and the others are staring at the gigantic wedding cake]

Jessica: I just thought it’d be bigger.

Eric: Yeah.

[Alice walks over to them]

Jessica: Hi!

Alice Cullen: Hi guys.

Jessica: We were just saying how pretty everything is. We were all just saying.

Alice Cullen: Thanks so much. You don’t think it’s too much?

Eric: No!

Jessica: No.

Kate Denali: We’ve heard so much about you.

Eleazar Denalir: Welcome to the family.

Bella Swan: Thank you.

Carmen Denali: Irina, come meet Bella.

[Irina is staring at Billy and Seth, she turns walks over to Carmen]

Irina Denali: I can’t do this.

Tanya Denali: You promised.

[referring to Seth being a werewolf]

Irina Denali: They invited one.

Edward Cullen: Irina, he’s our friend.

Irina Denali: They killed Laurent.

Edward Cullen: He tried to kill Bella.

Irina Denali: I don’t believe that! He wanted to be like us. To live in peace with humans, with me.

Edward Cullen: I’m sorry.

[Irina walks away]

Carmen Denali: Irina!

Eleazar Denalir: Um…let’s not monopolize the bride. Congratulations.

Bella Swan: Thank you.

Tanya Denali: Sorry.

[they walk away]

Edward Cullen: Well, what’s a wedding without some family drama?

Bella Swan: Yeah.

[giving his wedding toast]

Emmett Cullen: I’d like to propose a toast, to my new sister. Bella I hope you’ve got enough sleep these last eighteen years, cause you won’t be getting anymore for a while.

[he laughs and everyone looks at him awkwardly]

[giving her wedding toast]

Jessica: Well Bella was just like everybody else, totally mesmerized my Edward, or the hair, as I call him. Um…and then suddenly, Edward is all about Bella. Even though she’s not the captain of the volleyball team.

[she laughs]

Jessica: I’m just kidding. I’m just kidding. Or the president of the Student Council.

[giving his father of the bride speech to the guests]

Charlie Swan: Edward will be a good husband. I know this because…because I’m a cop, I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth.

[giving her wedding toast]

Alice Cullen: Now that you’re my sister, you’ll have to get over your aversion to fashion.

[continuation of Charlie’s wedding speech]

Charlie Swan: And I know how to use a gun.

[giving her wedding toast]

Esme Cullen: I’d like to thank, Renee and Charlie for bringing such a wonderful person into the world and into our lives. We will cherish and protect her forever.

[giving his wedding toast]

Edward Cullen: It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and accept you for what you are. I’ve been waiting, for what seems like a very long time, to get beyond what I am. With Bella I feel like I can finally begin. So I’d like to propose a toast to my beautiful bride. No measure of time with you will be long enough. But let’s start with forever.

[after Edward has told Bella another wedding gift has arrived, he walks her away from the crowd]

Bella Swan: What’s a wedding present doing out here?

Edward Cullen: Just a little more private.

[suddenly Jacob appears ahead of them]

Jacob Black: The best man didn’t have time to get a tux.

Bella Swan: Jacob! Jacob!

[she runs towards him and jumps into his arms to hug him]

Bella Swan: Hey.

Edward Cullen: This is kind of you.

Jacob Black: Kind is my middle name. I’m sorry I’m late.

Bella Swan: It doesn’t matter. Everything’s perfect now.

Jacob Black: Dance with me?

[she steps closer to him and he picks her up to twirl her and then they start dancing]

Bella Swan: Where have you been? We were gonna put your face on a milk carton.

Jacob Black: I was in Northern Canada. I think. It’s so weird to be back on two legs again and clothes. I fell out of practice with the whole human thing.

Bella Swan: Well are you okay? Being here?

Jacob Black: Why? Afraid I’ll trash the party? You’re not the only one.

[as they continue to dance]

I'm convinced that you're high 😟

[avaantares]

Imma rant for a minute. (This is me being critical of a thing, so if you’re eschewing negativity right now, feel free to scroll on past.) :)

Sooooo I took a break from replaying FFVII:R tonight (last night, by the time this posts) to watch the stream of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Love Never Dies, a show I already knew to be terrible (but hey, you can't argue with free musicals, right?). Long before the musical opened, I’d read The Phantom of Manhattan, the book it’s based on, and that was... like... Hmm. Think of a bad fanfiction you've read. I mean a really bad one, one that gets every single character wrong, has the stupidest of stupid fiction tropes, includes ridiculously contrived scenarios to kill off characters and weird medical "science" and historical inaccuracies and a totally implausible plot, all mashed together just to reinforce someone's OTP which was kind of an unhealthy relationship to begin with and got considerably more unhealthy in this story, AND it includes a lengthy author’s note in which the writer bashes the author of the original work his story is based on and explains everything that author did wrong and how it should have been written, using examples from the fic writer’s own work to demonstrate.*

Then picture that as a $24.99 hardback.

So I knew the general story already, and I'd seen a couple of clips from the stage show, and from what I remembered it was all pretty forgettable. But like I said, free to watch, right? Nothing to lose but a couple of hours.

Oh. My. Goodness. I was not prepared for the full experience. It's like Phantom of the Opera and Cats had a (secret) baby that got shoved in a blender with all of circa-2004 Fanfiction.net and then pasted back together by a YA fiction editor’s intern. Despite a truly exceptional cast and some strong visual and set design, it wavered between cringe-y and I’m-going-to-hurt-myself-laughing levels of bad.

Mind you, it’s still better than the book, in which (SPOILER ALERT if anyone cares, which you probably don’t because if you’re the type of fan who would, you’ve probably already seen the show) Christine’s son is not the byproduct of a willing affair she had with Erik after she became disillusioned with her marriage, but was conceived after he kidnapped her at the Opera House, and... let’s just say consent was dubious, at best. (IIRC she was “half swooning” and not entirely aware of what was happening.) Also there’s some nonsense about Raoul being impotent from a war wound and never having consummated their marriage... But broadly speaking, the story is the same as the musical -- by which I mean it completely negates everything good and symbolic and meaningful about ALW’s Phantom of the Opera, to which the book was as much a sequel as it was to the original Gaston Leroux novella.

Love Never Dies fails as a sequel for a number of reasons: Every character you liked in the original? Assassinated. Raoul, who was willing to sacrifice his life for Christine in POTO, is now an abusive, alcoholic wastrel who has gambled his family into crippling debt. Christine cheats on her husband with a guy who has made a habit of kidnapping and threatening her, and who has actually murdered a number of people. Meg, Christine’s dearest friend and confidante, is now a washed-up burlesque dancer who -- again, SPOILER ALERT -- tries to kill first Christine’s son, then herself, then finally succeeds in killing Christine. The broadest take-home message of POTO, that kindness and love can heal even the deepest wounds, is undercut by these dramatic character reversals. Even the show’s title anthem “Love Never Dies” is contradicted by the love triangle at the center of the plot. Maybe love never dies, but that doesn’t stop Christine from cheating on her husband, Raoul from walking out on his wife and son, Erik from threatening to kill Christine’s child if she doesn’t do what he wants, Meg from betraying and murdering her best friend... yeah, let’s not take relationship advice from this group. 

But beyond that, LND is just bad structurally. The Phantom’s opening number builds up to be a “Music of the Night”-style anthem -- a dubious choice, since it makes everything he sings for the next half an act feel flat by comparison. Then we go into a surreal Coney Island segment for a while, then a bunch of really awkward dialogue exposition gets crammed in, and then twenty minutes into the show we finally meet Christine and her family, which kicks off the actual plot. The pacing is uneven. The tone is all over the map, too, bouncing between Phantom-like operatic ballads and Jesus Christ Superstar-esque carnival rock numbers. (All of which, I have to say, the Melbourne cast knocked out of the park. The vocal performances were definitely not a weak spot in this production.)

While I really like a lot of Andrew Lloyd Webber's stuff -- I've seen a number of his shows on stage, some of them three or four times -- his titles seem to be hit-or-miss. For every Phantom, there's a Whistle Down the Wind. Some of that isn't his fault; a mediocre lyricist or book writer can do a lot of damage, even with good music. This musical had two lyricists and four writers, and it shows. But IMO, this is also not Lloyd Webber’s best work. Apart from the title song, which I’ve heard often enough to know it outside of the show, I can recall the melodies of... two songs? The score isn’t bad, it’s just not as instantly memorable as Sunset Boulevard or Joseph or Phantom. And a weak story plus average music doesn’t equal a great show.

I’m sure I’ve complained more than anyone cares to read, but I have one final rant about something that caused me to startle my dog by making some very screechy noises: When Christine arrives by ship, the Phantom sends a horseless carriage to pick her up at the pier. Mind you, this scene is specifically stated to take place in New York in 1905. The crowd of onlookers is utterly SHOCKED by a vehicle that moves by itself. “There are no horses!” someone exclaims. "How does it work?"

Apparently all four of the credited writers slept through history class, and also couldn’t be bothered to Google a photo of New York at the turn of the century. Automobiles have been around since the 1880s, and by 1905, New York had so many cars on the streets that the New York Supreme Court had to hand down a ruling guaranteeing that horse-drawn transportation still had the same right-of-way as motorized vehicles, because the motorists didn’t want to share the road. Heck, my own great-grandfather owned a car by 1895! Glaring, easily-avoided errors like this jar me so far out of the story -- even good stories, which this one wasn’t -- that they actually bother me more than other, more significant failings. At least do your basic research, people. Use Google. Grrr.

Anyway, I’m just rambling now because I can’t sleep and I'm on prescription narcotics for pain and my dog is tired of listening to me grumble. Don’t mind me; I’m not actually this negative in real life. 😅

----------------------------------------------------

* I am not exaggerating. In the foreword, author Frederick Forsyth bashes Gaston Leroux and gives examples from his own works to explain how Le Fantôme de l'Opéra could have been written better. Like. DUDE. NO.

That book went straight into the donation box the moment I was done reading it. When Love Never Dies came out, I briefly regretted getting rid of it, but then I remembered how bad the story was and stopped feeling bad.

[saleintothe90s]

399. The “Cats” round up

This week was Halloween, and this year I went as Jemima from Cats. Why did I decide on this costume? Well, seeing the trailer (and H3H3′s reaction to it) for the scary 2019 movie with those basic b’s Taylor and James made me want to see the original Cats, the good Cats. 

You can watch most of the direct to VHS 1998 edition on YouTube in parts. So far, its the only musical that doesn’t bore me to tears, even if the scenes where they perform a play for Old Deuteronomy makes no sense. 

You know what Cats sorta reminds me of, that old PBS show Zoobilee Zoo, especially Victoria the white cat, she reminds me of the pink kangaroo lady. 

Cats came to New York City in October of 1982 after beginning a successful run in London. It was announced at the end of 1981 that the musical would be coming to New York:

Anticipation was so great that copies of T.S. Eliot’s original work was selling out: 

(I’m mad I can’t find this commercial)

Tickets for the show were sold months in advance, with many bulk orders: 

More than six months before opening night, the Fresh Air Fund had already bought 500 seats. The Arthritis Foundation purchased 300 tickets, the Archives of American Art bought 300, and the American Red Cross bought 500 seats. Then there was the Burden Center for Aging with 300, University Settlement with 200 and the Social Service Big Sister League with 500 seats. Those are just a handful among many, but by the time ''Cats'' opened on Broadway last week such orders added up to $6.2 million in advance ticket sales. Of that sum, $4.5 million had already been collected, with only $1.7 million in contracts still to be paid in full. This could be the largest advance sale in Broadway history, according to many theater analysts. Orders began to come in more than a year before ''Cats'' - a big hit in London - finally arrived in New York, and tickets are now being sold as far in advance as next May. 2

The musical debut was also supposed to be a cover story in Newsweek, but the Tylenol murders prevailed. 2 

Someone defaced the copy at archive.org. 

I somehow found the cover though. I wonder if this was for Canada? There are people on sketchy websites selling this as a print? The library bound Newsweek from archive.org has the Tylenol cover. I believe the woman on the bottom row, right is Janet Hubert, who played Aunt Viv the first on Fresh Prince. In Cats, she played Tantomile in the first Broadway cast. 

(I made screencaps of the Newsweek article and uploaded the screencaps to the mirror site on wordpress)

As you may have noticed these Cats from the early 80s are kind of scary looking. There are several videos on YouTube of the cast performing at the 1983 Tony Awards, and there is this cat that is absolutely terrifying: 

It’s the one who sings “can you see in the dark?!”.  I think its Demeter, and Marlene Danielle is playing her? Marlene was an originally an understudy in 1982 and eventually played Bombularina until the end of Cats’ run on Broadway in 2000. 

Here she is on Today in 1999 discussing the role and she also performs “Macavity”.

The cats of Cats became so popular in the 1980s that they were even in a No Smoking commercial. 

And a seat buckle/child seat PSA! This one is really dark, I mean Memory plays at the end. 

In 1984, Rum Tum Tugger became the star of his own music video. 3 I don’t know how often MTV played this--maybe it played more overseas. I remember my choir teacher in high school, Ms. Forrest showing us a VHS once of music videos from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musicals, and she said that they were popular in the UK and shown on MTV over there. All I remember is a Phantom of the Opera remix and Requiem sung by his ex-wife. 

By 1987, Celine Dion (who was still a music star in Canada, but not yet America, and sung mostly in French) sang Memory on TV. 

In this clip from the short lived America’s Talking channel (later to become MSNBC) a reporter asks the cats what they did on their snow day during the 1996 blizzard. I can’t confirm this, but he says that it was the first time the show had ever been canceled. This reporter is peak 1996 in mens clothes with his bomber jacket and tie. 

By June of 1997, Cats broke the record previously held by A Chorus Line of longest running show on Broadway:

Along the way to its longevity record, which applies just to Broadway shows, ''Cats'' has piled up some big numbers. It has provided employment to 231 actors, two of whom, Marlene Danielle and Susan Powers, have been with the musical since it opened. (Nineteen cast members have died.) The magical tire that carries Grizabella heavenward has clocked more than 114 miles in its nightly voyage to the Heaviside Layer. ''Memory,'' the show-stopping song that ends the first act, has been recorded by more than 180 artists. The New York production has used more than 1.5 million pounds of dry ice and 2,706 pounds of yak hair for wigs. It has sold 390,000 T-shirts, 130,000 sweat shirts, 147,000 lapel pins and 1.14 million souvenir books. 1

Also, in 1997 an audience member because she thought Rum Tum Tugger was too aggressive with her. 

Related: 

Original review from The New York Times

Reading Rainbow segment on Cats

Another Reading Rainbow segment on Cats, similar to the first.

Stars of the Original Cats Share Their Favorite Memories

Los Angeles news segment series on the L.A. Production of Cats. 

Almost every time our boy David Letterman brought up Cats. 

The Cast of CATS (2016) Meets Shelter Cats | Cats the Musical

EVENT CAPSULE CLEAN - Grumpy Cat Visits The Broadway Cast of 'Cats' Facebook | Etsy | Retail History Blog | Twitter | snapchat (thelastvcr) |YouTube Playlist| Random Post | Instagram @ thelastvcr | other tumblr | Ko-fi donation | Honey Referral

1, Grimes, William, “ With 6,138 Lives, 'Cats' Sets Broadway Mark,” New York Times, June 19, 1997. https://www.nytimes.com/1997/06/19/theater/with-6138-lives-cats-sets-broadway-mark.html

2. Bennetts, Leslie, “ HOW TICKETS TO 'CATS' BECAME A 'MUST',” New York Times, October 13, 1982. https://www.nytimes.com/1982/10/13/theater/how-tickets-to-cats-became-a-must.html

3. Kaplan, Peter W., “TV NOTES; BROADWAY FIRST: 'CATS' DOES ROCK VIDEO TURN,” New York Times, November 10, 1984.  https://www.nytimes.com/1984/11/10/theater/tv-notes-broadway-first-cats-does-rock-video-turn.html

[techieninja18]

Tagged!

I was tagged by @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713 (Thanks Kayla! 💜)

Rules: Using only song titles from one artist/band, cleverly answer the questions and tag 10 people.

I'm gonna follow Kayla's lead and use a cast album (or two technically, to make it work, but the composer and characters are the same so... *shrugs*): Phantom of the Opera/Love Never Dies

What's your gender? Prima Donna

How Are You Feeling? Twisted Every Way (technically I don't think that one's got its own track but Andrew Lloyd Webber's played it by itself before and it shows up in both shows so... *shrugs again*)

Favorite Mode Of Transportation? Arrival Of The Trio

If You Could Go Anywhere? Coney Island Waltz

Your Best Friend Is? Dear Old Friend

Favorite Time Of Day? Music Of The Night

If Your Life Was A TV Show? Before The Performance

Relationship Status? Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

Honestly I'm too tired to pick a bunch of people to tag right now so I'm gonna take the easy way out and say that if any of you want to do this consider yourself tagged!

[thechaseaphrodite]

Time Warp

Chapter 02

Hi guys! How are you on the other side of the screen? First of all, I'm so sorry for not being able to upload the chapter last week. I fumbled with this semester's final exams and failed. Second, my sincere thanks to Carly Giuliani, whoknows33, Calzonafan123, ChrisM92, NDenner, brady25, Tifenn: tifustiti, perpetualblyss and @loudwithlaughter for all your reviews. Last but not least, my big thanks to my dear friend and beta reader @tiggermay

Arizona was on a high. After Jackson Prescott’s case she’s been on a string of good results, with no children dying on her hands in the last couple of weeks.

Arizona skated all over the hospital (where the nurses allowed - she had tried to skate at NICU only to be tackled by one of them). She and Kai were dancing every day in her apartment. She was even running in the park!

Her life was practically perfect. All that was missing was Nick arriving in Seattle (he promised that he was just tying up his business there, and… you know, having to walk a trail to the nearest town where he would rent a car to get to the airport).

And Calliope.

So, Arizona was basically floating in a pink cloud when Dr. Dixon asked her to consult on Stacy Pollock.

Arizona sighed before walking over to Bailey (who had been telling anyone and everyone who wanted to listen, -or didn’t -, that Arizona Robbins was Seattle Grace's best acquisition in a long time, and no one should touch a child without her permission…. Her new rule to her residents.), to confirm the diagnosis of cor pulmonale.

As soon as Dr. Dixon left, Bailey grabbed her lab coat. “Aren't you going to scrub in this surgery? You... You’re the peds surgeon!”

Arizona smiled in surprise. "Bailey, this is a cardiac case. You and Dr. Dixon can handle it."

Bailey shook her head. “She's just a child. And I…” she trailed off.

Arizona gently put a hand on her friend's shoulder. “Children are tough. And maybe you’ll open this girl's chest and fix something simple. Or maybe she’ll need a transplant and a backpack with a portable pump that will deliver her medicine at the right times so she can have a childhood. Either way, you’ll give her the rest of her life. And I'm telling you that you’ll want to be there for this moment. Because Stacy? She needs you.”

***

Arizona returned to her office. She had been trying to write an article about Jackson Prescott's treatment, but how could she explain that she knew what to do, before ever touching the boy, well… In a way that wouldn’t guarantee her, a one-way trip to the psyche ward, anyway?

She was turning the pages of his exams when she heard knocking on the door. She didn't usually close her office door during the day, so it was open, and Paul Anderson was there looking anxious.

Arizona widened her eyes for a second before she remembered that Wallace was alive. Then she gave her best and most charming smile and stood up. "Hey! How can I help you?"

Paul took a deep breath and walked into the office, closing the door behind him. "Dr. Robbins, correct?"

Arizona nodded and reached out to greet him. The grip was tight, though Paul's hands were shaking. “I’m Paul Anderson. My son, Wallace, is a patient here. Dr. Kenley was his doctor.”

They sat down, and Arizona quickly closed the folders in front of her. "I think I haven't met Wallace yet."

Paul shook his head. “He… He has short bowel syndrome. He had the last surgery with Kenley a few months ago. His eleventh bowel resection.” Paul took a deep breath, and Arizona noticed Kai rising from the couch to stand beside her. “My wife, Bethany, she attends a support group to parents in this situation. And she heard about Jackson Prescott's recovery. So, I want to transfer Wallace's care to you as well as discuss the best course of treatment.”

Arizona took a deep breath. "Do you have his latest exams?"

Paul nodded eagerly, and opened his briefcase, offering her a binder.

Arizona smiled reassuringly and put her hand over Paul's. “I'm going to study Wallace's case. And the possible alternatives we have. And then we can decide our next step, okay?”

Paul took a deep breath. “He's nine years old… And he's done more than twice as many surgeries than Bethany and I combined. They keep saying that he doesn't have much of a chance of living... But, he's my son, Dr. Robbins. He's my boy.” He said brokenly while staring at Arizona. He lifted a hand to rub at his tired eyes and she couldn’t help but feel her heart twist at the anguish and fatigue that she could see in him. She remembered how emotionally draining, worrying for Sofia had been… And God… Sofia. She missed her baby so much.

Arizona nodded sympathetically. "I... Let's make a plan." She said, clearing her throat.

Paul nodded. They exchanged contacts and soon the man said goodbye and left the office. Arizona closed the door and crouched on the floor covering her face.

"I need to save Wallace, Kai."

The angel took an apple. "Do your best. But remember that some things are immutable.”

Arizona nodded, and when she saw Kai eating her apple, she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him. "How many of these have you eaten?"

Kai laughed hoarsely. "Four? I like the taste. Theoretically, I don't need to eat.” He smiled sympathetically at Arizona. "I think it's cute that you prepare your snacks like you're doing it to Sofia. If you weren't having lunch at the cafeteria, I bet you'd make your lunches in the same way."

Arizona shrugged. "Force of habit."

Kai nodded. "Want some help thinking of something for the Anderson boy? I can help you remember their exams from the other timeline."

Arizona nodded. "Let's get to work then, Kai"

***

A few hours later, Arizona was preparing a file for the Anderson family. She wanted Wallace to have a bowel transplant. Her thoughts were interrupted by frantic knocking on the door.

"Come in," she called.

Miranda Bailey came into her office out of breath, but with a smile on her face. “You're brilliant!” she stated. “I was in surgery with Stacy and Dixon said she would need a transplant. And, and I had to leave. Because I couldn't handle the idea of this little girl slipping through my fingers and I went to visit my son at the daycare. When I saw the backpacks, and I remembered what you said. So, I ran back, and I told the parents what we could do... I would have come before, but Dr. Dixon... Well, she had a moment. But we can put the portable pump on Stacy, and she can have a childhood!”

Arizona's eyes widened. "Dr. Bailey, you talked to Dr. Dixon before talking to the parents, correct?"

Bailey's smile slowly died. “Well… She was breaking the news to her parents! They needed to know!”

Arizona sighed. “And she's chief surgeon on this case. And she deserves our respect. So, I'll be happy to assist on this surgery, but you need to apologize to her.”

Bailey grunted softly but nodded. "But you’re going to scrub in on the surgery, right?"

Arizona laughed softly and nodded. “Great save, Bailey. I’m proud of you."

Bailey's chest filled with pride and she passed the exams to Arizona as they walked to the OR.

***

Arizona smiled encouragingly at Bailey once the surgeon had started. Kai was watching over Dixon's shoulder, a certain fascination in his angelic expressions.

"I'm sorry for my outburst." Bailey started breaking the uncomfortable silence. "I should've spoken to you first."

Dixon nodded, her focus completely on the procedure. “It was inappropriate, but I've come to expect it from pediatric surgeons. Always breaking protocol.” She sighed and shook her head.

Bailey looked surprised at Dixon. “I'm not a pediatric surgeon. I've landed a few peds cases recently, but I'm getting back to general surgery the first chance I get.”

Arizona tilted her head. Bailey would be a great pediatric surgeon. However, Webber had chosen her to follow his footsteps. And she had already tried to have this fight and lost.

“You touch the child whenever you speak with her.” Dixon continued “You explain conditions to the child, not just the parents. You react to the patient as if it was your own child. You break protocol, which is inappropriate. Except in pediatric surgery, where protocols are constantly evolving. You are not a general surgeon. You're a pediatric surgeon.”

Arizona smiled at Bailey. Dixon was right. Bailey would be excellent at peds.

***

Arizona was heading for the locker room so she could change. Some nurses had invited her for a drink after work and she was happy to accept. When she saw Bailey smiling outside Stacy Pollock's room, she stopped beside her to watch the girl showing her backpack full of ornaments to her parents.

"Oh my God," she exclaimed. "Did you use a bedazzler?"

Bailey lifted the machine, a smile on her face. “Circa 1986. As seen on TV.”

Arizona laughed in surprise. “Dixon’s right, you know. You do belong in peds surgery. Although, I think Ri... The chief. The chief has already chosen you to take his place.”

Bailey shook her head. “My own baby almost died last year. The doctors in this hospital, my friends, all worked to save his life. And I stood outside the room feeling so useless, so powerless and helpless. Like I was losing everything in the world and couldn’t do a single damn thing to stop it. And when he didn’t die, I knew I didn't want to be anywhere near that feeling again, so I think that makes me pretty unsuitable for pediatric surgery.”

Arizona looked away for a minute. She knew the feeling Bailey was narrating. She had felt it on her skin when her baby was born four months too soon after that terrible car accident. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

“I'd say that makes you uniquely qualified. And if you have an interest and Richard Webber allows it, I'd love to have a chance to rob you into pediatric surgery.” she said smiling at Bailey before walking away.

***

Arizona was sitting at the bar laughing at what some nurse was saying. She had had her fair share of affairs in Seattle before she time travelled, and now no one understood why she was suddenly celibate.

She was talking to a girl from Pathology when her eyes landed on Calliope. She looked so sad. The weight of the world on her shoulders and still the most beautiful woman she had ever seen.

Arizona saw Little Grey exchange a few words with her before she got up and went to the bathroom.

Kai poked her shoulder. "Go after her, Robbins!" He murmured in her ear.

Arizona smiled and excused herself as she went to the bathroom. Butterflies on her stomach, her hands sweating... God, the effect Calliope had on her, even after all this time...

She opened the bathroom door and couldn’t help but cast an appreciative glance across Calliope's shape, leaning over the sink, touching up her makeup.

“Hey”

"Hey" Calliope answered without turning to her, almost like an automatic answer.

"Ortho, right?"

“Yeah, right. Hi.”

“I'm Arizona Robbins. Peds surgery” (your future wife, mother of your daughter, the love of your life). “I've seen you at the hospital” she took a deep, nervous breath. "Are you ok?"

Callie ruffled her hair, clearly upset. "You know... I'm fine."

And she turned around. And Arizona almost lost her breath at seeing her eyes so closely. She had almost forgotten how expressive and captivating those eyes were. Callie has always been so open... Before all the pain she caused. Pain, she could now, fix.

“Fine. People talk. Where we work. They talk. A lot.” Arizona started anxiously, her speech stilted and awkward, (God what is wrong with her?). "So, for the sake of being honest, I think I should tell you that I know things about you" (because I’m from the future and we were married. Because I asked about you). "Because people talk.”

Callie bowed her head, the smile on her face faded for a second. "Oh... You mean... Terrific." She said muttered tiredly, huffing a sarcastic, breathy laugh.

Callie looked down and Arizona stepped a little closer. “It is, actually. The talk.” Callie leaned against the sink. “People really like you over there. They respect you and they're concerned and interested. They really like you. Some of them really like you.”

Kai shook his head. "Where are you going with this?", he said not expecting an answer.

Arizona took a deep breath. "You just… You look upset. And I thought that you should know that the talk is good. And when you're not upset, when you're over being upset, there will be people lining up for you.”

Calliope laughed and it was one of the most wonderful sounds Arizona had heard. "You want to give me some names?" She asked wryly.

Arizona smiled coyly and approached Callie. She would never understand how Callie could doubt how attractive she was. How magnetic she could be. She leans in and slowed down a bit just an inch before Callie’s lips, not wanting to spook her but also not willing to let a chance by, and when she didn’t move back, leaned in kissed her gently.

Fireworks. Arizona thought. And those lips...

She pulled away slowly. "I think you'll know" She smiled at Callie mischievously before leaving the bathroom.

Kai was laughing alongside her as she paid for hers and Calliope's tabs before leaving the bar to return to her apartment.

“Jesus, that conversation was kind of painful to watch”. Kai said, wincing theatrically “You couldn’t think of anything else to say to her? God! Talking about other people talking, we really need to work on your conversational skills.” Kai sighed dramatically and shaking his head back and forth his wild black curls flopping around, when suddenly he lifted his head to exclaim: “But, hey the kiss! I knew you had it in you!”

Arizona laughed as she threw herself on her bed, her fingers touching her lips gently. She had almost forgotten Calliope's innocent glances. Her charming insecurity. And the lips... Oh those lips! “Reliving this moment is worth any price for coming back here, Kai” she whispered.

Kai's canines flashed in the light for a second before Arizona heard his hoarse laugh fill the apartment.

That night she dreamed of her wedding day.

***

Arizona knew Calliope was following her around the hospital and asking about her, working up the courage to ask her out. And each time she could see a shadow of her getting close, even for a second, she needed to stop and take a deep breath.

Kai seemed to be having fun like never had before, watching this cat and mouse game.

She had just helped the nurses set up a scavenger hunt for the children (they heard about the interns’ scavenger hunt and they wanted to do one too) when Paul and Bethany knocked on her office door.

“Mr. Anderson, Mrs. Anderson! Please come in!” she greeted them excitedly.

Bethany smiled. "Call me Bethany, Doctor Robbins."

"If so, please call me Arizona."

She picked up two folders she had prepared for them, a thing Nicole Herman had taught her for when parents needed to make a medical decision. She took a deep breath before she started. “Wallace's case is quite severe. And I disagree with the treatment made by Dr. Kenley. I think repeating the same surgery more than ten times won’t yield new results. After studying and contacting some colleagues, my official recommendation is that Wallace should’ve a bowel transplant.”

Paul closed his eyes, releasing a heavy breath and Bethany began to cry silently. Arizona gently pushed the folders toward them. “However, no decision needs to be made today. For now, Wallace is stable and maybe he’ll stay in this state. But… In case, we need to interfere… When we discuss transplants, in addition to the risks of surgery, we’re talking about a lifetime of periodic hospital visits and medicines to keep his immune system in check. I have prepared this document for you to help you understand what it might mean in the long run for Wallace and you both. So, you can read, and I’ll be happy to answer your questions. Of course, if you want a second opinion as well, fell free to take it to a second doctor.”

Paul took the folder with shaking hands, tears keeping him from reading. "But would he live?"

Arizona nodded. "I believe this is the best chance for us to extend Wallace's life."

Bethany looked at Arizona for a moment. "Do you have children, Arizona?"

She opened her mouth for a moment almost saying yes, she had. She had a beautiful daughter. But no. She didn't have her daughter. Yet. Arizona smiled. "Not yet."

Bethany nodded. "A transplant means he would have a childhood... A normal life."

“He would need take medicine and need to see a doctor more than usual, yes. But I firmly believe this is Wallace's best chance.”

Before Paul could speak, she smiled. “You don't have to decide anything right now. Take this information home. Read it calmly. Talk to his pediatrician. When you guys make the decision, Wallace will enter a list and then we'll have to wait. There is no rush.”

Paul took a deep breath. "If a transplant is what is needed to see my son grow up, Dr. Robbins, you can put him on that list."

***

Arizona took a deep breath handing the forms to the nurse. Wallace Anderson was officially on the transplant list. Now she just had to wait.

She walked to her office, slowly. She felt the beginnings of a migraine starting to build up just behind her eyes. Arizona closed the door slowly and sat down, resting her head in her hands. She grunted in frustration at Miranda Bailey's application for a fellowship in pediatric surgery. She had noticed the hesitation in Bailey to get away from Richard Webber.

She was exhausted from all these waiting games. It seemed that waiting was all she been doing lately. Wait for Calliope to talk to her. Wait for Sofia to be born. Wait for Richard Webber to stop Bailey from doing the fellowship. Wait for Karev be interested in peds. Wait for Nick’s and April’s arrival. It had all become one big waiting game. And she was shaking with anxiety to begin her life!

***

Arizona massaged her temples while reading Miranda Bailey's application. She needed to talk to Bailey. While it was true that she had a gift for pediatrics and would be a wonderful addition to Arizona’s team she refused to go into battle with Richard Webber, over a resident who still wasn’t all that sure about actually joining. Arizona took a deep breath and skated to the General Surgery Nurse Station. She smiled when she saw Bailey there.

“This is the first step in the beginning of a new life” she stated, pointing to the letters of recommendation in Bailey's hands. “How are we feeling? Positive? Confident?”

Bailey took a deep breath, as if trying to calm down. “I’m good. Great.”

Arizona nodded, crossing her arms. “Peds Surgery is super competitive.” Arizona said, gently trying to poke Bailey. She needed to know if this time the woman was serious about delving into this world. She wouldn’t put her neck on the line for someone unwilling to get on her ship.

Bailey nodded. For the first time in a long time, the great Miranda Bailey found herself wanting to impress an attendant. “That's why I'm armed with letters of recommendation to put the competition to shame. Shepherd says I'm talented and resourceful. Sloan finds it an honor to work with me.”

Before she could continue, Arizona interrupted. “What does the chief think?”

“I'm still working on that.” she promised.

Arizona sighed. “Look, I'm not going to get into a tug war with Richard Webber, Miranda. He's grooming you to take his place, so it's not just his recommendation that matters.”

Bailey looked at her in surprise. “Richard Webber has no decision-making power over my future. You calm down. I've got it under control.”

Arizona smiled. “Good. Because speaking on my behalf, we couldn't be more excited to have you.” Arizona saw Richard coming down the stairs and decided to just skate away. That was a fight she had no interest in getting into.

Bailey almost sighed in relief. She didn't want to go to war with the chief, but that didn't mean Arizona didn't want her as a student.

***

Arizona was analyzing some post-op exams when she felt Calliope approaching. She bit the inside of her cheek trying to stay calm.

Kai appeared beside her. “Here she comes. Try to be smoother than your last conversation.” He said teasingly, winking at Arizona playfully while nudging her shoulder with his.

"Hey," Calliope said, taking a deep breath, resting a hand on the counter.

Arizona turned to her, turning her back to Kai and his theatrics, a big smile on her face. “Calliope. I haven't seen you around!” (Alright, she had seen Calliope watching her through the hospital, but she didn't need to tell her that).

"Well," Callie continued, a big smile on her face. “I've been avoiding you”

Arizona made a false expression of surprise and crossed her arms.

"Is that your best surprise face, woman?!" Kai criticized, but with a fond and exasperated smile on his face. He had never seen Arizona smile so big.

"I know, it's so weird," Callie said, clearly embarrassed by the reddening of her cheeks. “You share a kiss with a woman you've never seen before…”

Arizona's smile faded a little as she saw Callie looking around, as if to make sure no one was listening. Damn, she had forgotten that right now, she was a newbie in the LGBT+ world.

“Honestly, this is a new adventure, one I'm ready to take, for the second time, and… Anyway. Do you want to go on a date with me?”

Arizona tilted her head slightly and smiled. "I would love to."

Callie's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh really?! I mean... This... This is great!”

Arizona giggled softly. She took a piece of paper from her pocket and quickly wrote down her number (old number, current number, Thank God for Kai by her side saying the right one). She steps closer to Callie and puts the paper in her pocket. "I'll wait for your text, Calliope," she murmured, her lips close to Callie's ear before she walked away.

Kai was doing a little dance next to Arizona. “You have a date! You have a date!” He hummed, his bare feet tapping the hospital floor in time with his silly little tune.

Arizona bit her lower lip and couldn’t help but follow Kai’s rhythm. God, she had a date!

***

Callie froze in shock, a huge smile on her face. She honestly thought Arizona would dismiss her. But she had said yes! Her eyes widened. Arizona had said yes. She was expecting a text. She had to plan their date! Callie had never planned a date. God, she had a date!

***

Callie hurried to Bailey's side. Everyone on the surgical staff had heard Bailey sing Arizona’ praises. Bailey was trying to become the woman’s student, for God's sake. She should know Arizona well enough to give some tips, right? Right.

Callie bit her fingernail, waiting for the chief to move away from Bailey. She'd really thought Arizona was going to say something like she wasn't lesbian enough for her, not in a million years did she think she might end up with a date. She tried to approach the other woman casually, leaning over the counter.

"So, Bailey..." she began. "You and Arizona Robbins are kind of friends, right?"

Bailey was way too focused on reading whatever paper she had on her hands to look at Callie. Callie took a deep breath. "Bailey? Bailey, I'm trying to get some help over here."

"The chief..." she started indignantly. "He wrote me a form letter of recommendation." She said showing the paper to Callie.

“What? That's insane. He's the chief, and you're Bailey.” Callie started reading. “Pleasant in the OR and gets along well with the nurses and rest of the staff. She's completed a serviceable amount of research. A fine addition to any program.”

Callie raises her eyebrows in surprise. This couldn’t be a letter about Miranda Bailey, especially not one coming from the chief. The man was practically grooming her to take his place! That’s the best he has to say?!

“Fine! He used the word fine! A blank page would mean more. I pulled off a twelve people domino surgery. I took out and put back six of a dying girl's organs! I'm Dr. Bailey. I'm better than fine!” Bailey marched off furiously.

Callie hurried after her. "Yes, you are! So much that you want to study with Arizona! And I just asked her out and- “

Bailey came to sudden halt and looked at Callie dumbfounded. "Stop. Did you just say that you asked Dr. Robbins out?”

Callie nodded. "And I need help."

Bailey took a deep breath. “You need to not screw it up, because that woman is the best pediatric surgeon I've ever seen. She is almost six weeks without losing a patient. The hospital needs her, and I need her. And now I need to talk to Richard Webber.”

Callie froze in place. Oh, beloved Jesus... What would she do?! She needed Mark. Mark would know what to do.

***

She only found Mark when he came after her… After punching Derek Shepherd. Callie took a deep breath to calm her nerves. Maybe this was not a good time to talk about her love life.

***

Arizona smiled as she saw Callie coming out of the elevator. "Calliope!" She called happily.

Callie turned to her with clearly anxious eyes. "All right! Look, I asked you out, but I don't know how to do that! I kind of just got into this whole girl story… Women. And maybe I'm inexperienced in that. But I am experienced in other things. I mean... I'm a senior resident. I'm a great surgeon. I'm a divorcee., I was in the Peace Corps. Botswana. It was what convinced me to go to med school. And, mostly recently, I've experienced the joy of cooking. And, and maybe now you are thinking you should’ve said no but-” she didn’t seem to be getting anywhere near a pause… Or a breath for that matter.

Arizona bit her lower lip. God, she had almost forgotten how Calliope could get lost into her own head and come to all these conclusions before anything even happened. It was so... Cute. Annoying when it was about decisions in their relationship… But cute. "Calliope?" She interrupted tentatively.

Callie paused for breath, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Kai was laughing. "That explains a lot."

Arizona smiled. “Do you want to go out to dinner with me Friday? I'd love to talk more about your experiences.”

Callie smiled with relief. “Yeah. That would be great."

Arizona smiled. "Well, you have my number."

Arizona’s pager started ringing. She pouted. "Damn it. I'd love to hear more, but I need to go.” She approached Callie, her lips almost touching her earlobe. "Bye, Calliope," she muttered breathily before running back to the NICU.

Kai's laugh rang in her ears, but a huge smile was on her face all night long.

[love-little-lotte]

POTO Manila 2019 Experience

I crossed one thing off my bucket list last March 2, 2019. 

Finally, finally, finally. I finally got the chance to witness my all-time favorite musical, The Phantom of the Opera, live. Anyone who really knows me knows that I am totally in love with this show. 

I first learned about the existence of POTO when I was 10, when I first read an abridged version of the Gaston Leroux novel. Then I watched the 2004 film, starring Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum. Ever since then, I fell in love with the musical. I listened to the Original London Cast, with Michael Crawford, Sarah Brightman, and Steve Barton. I watched the 25th anniversary, with Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess. I streamed countless YouTube videos. I wrote down the lyrics, memorized them by heart, and sang along even though I couldn’t reach the high notes, not for the life of me. 

POTO became one of my passions, and (yes it sounds cheesy AF) also helped me become the person who I am today. It’s not my first musical (family friendly The Sound of Music is my first because my mom plays the Julie Andrews movie all the time), but it opened my obsession to musical theatre. Through POTO, I got to learn more about Broadway, theatre, and musicals. 

I have my brother to thank for this wonderful experience. This was meant to be a birthday and graduation present all rolled into one. And it’s actually the best present I’ve ever received. Not only did he pay for all of my expenses, he also accompanied me and took my pictures! Shoutout to him for making one of my major dreams come true.

This was taken on our way to the theatre. It was a one-show day, and the play was going to start at 2:30 PM. I heard from my friend (who already saw the previews) told me I should be there as early as possible so I can take a lot of pictures before most of the audience arrive. And since I want to take as many photos as I can, my brother and I left our hotel as early as 12 noon. 

I was so excited I even took a photo of the theatre while we were in the car. My heart was pounding the entire time. My head was reeling. I still couldn’t believe I was there. It felt like a dream I had before. And believe me when I say I dreamt a lot for this moment. 

When we got closer to the theatre, I saw a big poster just right outside. I gave out an excited squeal. “I got to take a picture of that!” I told my brother. 

And so I did. 

Before entering, we noticed there was some Phantom stuff just right outside by the entrance. Aside from the make-up closet (which is self-explanatory), I didn’t know what was inside of the rest of the boxes but I still took some photos nonetheless. I still had a lot of energy around this time. 

This was by the entrance: some posters of the musical productions that toured in Manila before. (From left to right: Chicago, Singin’ in the Rain, Les Misérables, Wicked, West Side Story, and The Sound of Music)

After entering the building, I saw this amazing backdrop and of course, immediately posed in front of it......

.....only to learn the words “The Phantom of the Opera” were cropped so I told my brother we had to go back so we can take a proper picture again. 

And there we go. 

We went to the second floor afterwards, which was where the theatre was located. And this was when the “taking of photos” spree began. 

Exhibit A: Mask, roses, and candelabras. Yep, that’s the whole show right there. 

I’m kind of bummed that they didn’t really have a photoshoot for the World Tour. I mean it’s nice to see Kelly Matheison from the West End cast because she’s adorable and gorgeous, but I would love to see some Meghan Picerno HD posters too. 

Don’t mind me, I’m just posing here with the POTO posters. 

Exhibit B: Ah love this shiny, sparkly mask. Yes, the pic is sadly a bit blurry. 

Exhibit C: My brother told me to go sit down on the floor and pretend to be Christine, but there was no way I’m doing that with that dress. I wanted to put on the cloak and the mask, but decided I should go with the rose instead. 

Exhibit D: “Look at yourself in the mirror, I am there inside!” This is my favorite picture, which also refers to my favorite part in the musical. 

Exhibit E: Yeah at this point I was running out of poses. Standing and smiling at the camera was getting boring. 

Oh, and would you look at this! A production of Cats in November 2019, starring Joanna Ampil! Isn’t that amazing? She’s one of my favorite theatre actresses and I would kill to see her sing Memory live.

Anyway, what’s up with the Philippines and Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals?

Yeah, what is up with Andrew Lloyd Webber and the Philippines? We just can’t get enough of it. I’d definitely want to watch Love Never Dies when it comes to Manila, even though I’m not such a big fan of the story. The music is brilliant, as well as the sets and costumes. Can we please have Meghan Picerno as Christine Daaé in this production once again? (And maybe throw in Jonathan Roxmouth, too, cause people love him so much here.)

At this point, my brother already left me. He went back to the hotel while I sat on one of the couches, waiting for the theatre to let the audience in. I took a selfie with the brochure. I thought we were all given a program for free, but it turns out you still have to buy them in the gift shop. 

Yay! I’m finally inside. I was in the second row, which was very thrilling, especially since the chandelier was really close to me. I couldn’t wait for it to fall down at the end of Act 1!

Sadly, this is the only picture I had inside the theatre. I was so busy taking it all in that I forgot to take a selfie or something. I still couldn’t believe I was there.

I cried as soon as the overture began to play. There are three possible reasons why I did so: one, I can’t believe I’m really here; two, the music was so beautiful, and three, the light from the chandelier made my eyes hurt lol. But, whatever the reason was, I assure you, there were some tears.

My first genuine cry was during The Mirror scene, when the Phantom showed himself in the mirror. It’s just a super iconic scene, and truly one of my favorites.

But the major highlight for me was Masquerade. Sure, I was expecting myself to cry during All I Ask of You (Reprise) or the Final Lair, but Masquerade overwhelmed me. The costumes were amazing up close! I’ve mentioned a lot of times before that POTO costumes are my favorite things ever. The intricately-designed Elissa dress, the fan-favorite Wishing dress, the iconic white robe, and of course, my personal favorite Aminta dress.

But the costumes during Masquerade was the highlight. I didn’t know where to look because I want to take it all in! The ensemble were great, too, and there was just a big fat stupid grin on my face the whole time.

You know, live theatre isn’t that perfect. I can hear the whirring of the machines as they change the backdrop and their heels clicking loudly onstage. I see them spit at each other’s faces. But damn it, it was beautiful. It’s raw and real, which is what theatre is all about. 

Sorry for the bad angle haha. This was the cast I saw my first POTO production and I’m eternally grateful at them for giving me a performance to remember. I was just so excited to see that I’m going to watch Jonathan Roxmouth and Meghan Picerno! I’ve seen a lot of videos of them rehearsing, and they both sounded heavenly. I was grinning from ear-to-ear.

Jonathan Roxmouth didn’t fail me. His voice was soft and angelic, and he truly embodied the Angel of Music. I got chills during The Mirror scene, as soon as he sang the words, “Insolent boy!” His Music of the Night was a spectacle, and his height difference with Meghan Picerno also helped. I don’t know why, but I really love it when the Phantom’s a great taller than Christine. Meghan only reached Jonathan’s chest, so their iconic “hug” scene during MoTN looked really good. He also glanced at me during All I Ask of You (Reprise) as he sang the words, “You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asked of you!” So that truly “made my night.”

Jonathan also scared the crap out of me during the Final Lair. He was truly menacing and just plain scary. I love scary Phantoms, and he definitely delivered! When he said the line, “You try my patience! Make your choice”, he put his face really close to Meghan, and I could definitely see him seethe angrily at her.

But he gained my sympathy in the last part when he started singing Masquerade to the music box. At that point, I was crying my eyes out already. I hope the people in my row didn’t judge me too harshly! No matter how many times I’ve seen POTO, I always cry during the Masquerade reprise.

On a side note, Jonathan’s really adorable in the curtain call. He made a Korean heart sign just after he bowed. Korean culture is really popular in the Philippines for some reason, and he earned a lot of laughs and claps from the audience when he did so.

Meghan Picerno, on the other hand, was the sweetest and sympathetic Christine ever. Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch since she’s the first Christine I saw live, and I’m a bit biased. Her crystal-clear vocals also didn’t fail. I’ve seen videos of her in Love Never Dies, and she was amazing there. Her Think of Me was just so pure, and her Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again made me teary eyed.

Meghan carried herself well. Not only was she a darling and innocent Christine, but she was also a fierce one too. During the Final Lair, when she said the words, “This haunted face holds no horror for me now, it’s in your soul that the true distortion lies”, her expression was not scared or anything. I just love that she could project a lot of emotions from Christine, and not only stick to one.

She also shared good chemistry with Jonathan Roxmouth, especially during The Point of No Return. The sexual tension between the Phantom and Christine was undeniable. The way they touched each other, even caressed each other in that scene was so, so, so good. It’s definitely one of the main highlights of the show for me.

And, of course, Matt Leisy was a darling Raoul. Just like his co-stars, his vocals were heavenly. His All I Ask of You is plain sweet. The way he hugged and twirled Christine at the end part of the song was also a major highlight for me. Also, he was very attentive to Christine, and he was protective of her - some important qualities that Raoul should have. In the Il Muto scene, when Christine started getting nervous that the Phantom was watching over her, I can’t help looking at Matt because he was so undeniably concerned and protective of her. And during Twisted Every Way, he was demanding, but at the same time, very considering.

Matt also worked well alongside Meghan. They balance well with each other. As a matter of fact, the three of them are great together. It’s obvious that they’re comfortable with each other onstage. The Final Lair was so thrilling, and it’s all thanks to them. I’m so happy that they get to be my first POTO Big 3.

Overall, the ensemble was great! I love them so much, and I’m extremely honored that I had them as my first ever POTO cast.

Also, bought two souvenirs from the gift shop! A really cute necklace (which costs 1,500 PHP/28.75 USD) and a tote bag (800 PHP/15.33 USD). I wanted to buy the charm bracelet, too, but I feel like I’m going to have more fun with the necklace, compared to it. 

And there you have it! This was an extremely long post, but I want to immortalize my first POTO experience. I’m still in cloud nine, even though it has been almost three days now. It’s truly an experience I will never forget.

[celestica-1988]

Little Lion Man

Daniel Webber!Vince x Reader (friendship)

Warning:sensitive topic, cancer

You noticed that man immediately.

Not because he was awesome with his long blonde hair, but because you never saw him before and you knew everyone in that pediatric ward. Sadly that man was a new face and you felt your heart sank, another kid was a victim of the cancer.

You hated cancer, cancer was a bitch to you.

Your son was battling with a brain cancer for two years since now, he was a warrior, he has always been a warrior. His father didn’t want children, so when you got pregnant he forced in any way to make you abort, but you didn’t want to. Your boyfriend was a douchebag, a piece of shit, but you couldn’t bring yourself to hate the little life who was growing inside you.

That made your man so frustrated that when you were in the eighth month he pushed you down the stairs, you were so scared to lose your bean, but he survived. Your ex boyfriend was sent to prison and the day you saw your son’s smile your heart melted.

You loved him at the first sight, unconditionally and with all your heart.

And that child was a blessing, he was always smiling, he was so empathetic with everyone and ready to share his toys that you wanted to cry.

More than one times you thought you didn’t deserve him, he was too pure for this world.

And probably someone up in the sky listened to you and agreed with.

It all started with a series of strong headaches, you brought him to the doctor and then to the hospital, you weren’t ready for the result of the various exams.

At the age of six your little angel had a brain tumor.

You fainted for the shock.

The next days were a blur, when you were in yourself you cursed God, the destiny, the universe.

Now you were calmer, even if you still felt like life made you a big wrong to you, it was once again your son to teach you how to fight. Once the strong emotions were drained out from your body you found the strength to fight along with your little lion man.

You looked at the man, his eyes were red and puffy, there were bags under it. He kept moving his hands restlessly. He needed help.

Everyone needs help the first time they have to face that cancer strikes also children, that is not just a horrible adult disease.

You went to vending machine and took two coffee instead of one.

You wanted to help that man and the first step was to make him talk even just a little bit.

You came back to the chairs there were in the ward and found him right when you left him, for a moment you consider to let it go. Maybe he wanted to stay alone and you will ended up annoying him.

Sighting you walked towards him.

“Do you want some coffee, mister?” He raised his eyes, that man didn’t sleep for days!

“Coffee?”

“You seem to need it. My name is Y/N.” He took the coffee and sipped it a bit.

“Why?” “Why what?” “Why are you giving me coffee?” You sat near him.

“My son is in that room.”

You pointed to the room.

“He has got brain tumor and he’s just eight. I don’t know why you are here, but I guess that one of your children is hospitalized here and if you need someone to talk just call me. I’ll be around here all night.” “Thank you. My name is Vince.” That name rang some bells, but you ignored the,

What if he was famous? It didn’t change the fact that he was a person in need of help.

You headed toward your son’s room and entered, he was reading a book on animals, he loved them: his dream was to be a veterinary once he’s healed.

“Hi, mum! Look at those tigers, aren’t’ they awesome?”

“They are really cool, Y/S/N.” “Today a new kid arrived. She was a girl, she was tired after chemo.”

You stayed silent for another moment, your boy wasn’t the type that spilled soon all the juice.

“She was very pretty, she had blond hair. I think she’s called Skylar. Her parent called her this way.

She was scared, but his father was even more scared then her. A tall man with long blonde hair.” You were sure he was Vince.

“How old was she?” “Just four, mum. It’s not right, ma.”

Tear were about to fall down from your eyes, he was the one ill and even so he was worried about the others.

“Time to go to bed, tiger.

Or tomorrow you won’t be able to fight against the monster.” “Okay, mum.” You fixed the bed, put away the book and then looked at him for a brief moment.

“Goodnight, tiger. Sleep well.” You kissed his forehead, turned off the lights and run out from the camera crying.

You thought you were used to it after two years, but the truth was that you’ll never get used to the view of him attached to HV, tubes and machines.

You walked to the chairs and Vince was still there, you sat near him craving for some human contact.

He stay silent for so long you thought he felt asleep, but at the same time you were grateful for the silence, you felt too upset to talk to everyone.

“How is he?”

He asked after a while.

“My son? He’s strong. Stronger than me, he’s my little lion man.” “Skylar is scared, scared to hell and I’m more scared than her.

I do so much stupid things, usually when she sleeps or he’s doing chemo I ran home and got drunk. I can’t find any better way to cope with this.”

“Talk to me, if you want.” “How old is your son?” “He’s eight, they diagnosed him the disease two years ago.” “Skylar is only four, no one really know if her body is strong enough for the chemo and the rest of the therapies.”

Four years, you thought, this girl was way too young to deal with that shit, she should have been outside playing with children of her age.

You looked at Vince, he felt asleep.

Sighting you went to one of the terrace of the hospital and smoked a cigarette.

You looked at the stars with the usual question on your lips: is it right that children must endure this pain?

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The net day was like the one before.

Your son was in a good mood, he talked about tigers and Skylar all the time, you exchange just a brief greet with Vince.

The night arrived and you sat on one of the chair, your head in  your hands, about to cry.

You talked to the doctors, the cancer was stronger than the chemo or other things they tried, at this rate your son will die and all you could do was watching him dying.

“Need some coffee?” You lifted your head and found Vice looking at you.

“Yes, thank you.” You took  it and drank in silence, you didn’t feel like talking that evening, Vince was also silent.

“Do you think it is a punishment?” Said after a while.

“Do you mean God is punishing them?”

He shook his head.

“No, God is not punishing them is punishing us.” “Vince, I don’t understand.” “I’m not a good person.”

He spatted.

“Some years ago I … I killed a man.” You froze.

“I was driving my car and I was drunk ad hell. One of my friends was sitting next to me, we were back from a liquor store. I was talking nonsense to him and I didn’t see a car. We hit it, I was safe and sound while he died in my arms.

I went to jail, but they gave me a short sentence and it was even shorter because I went in rehab.

I never paid properly for what I’ve done and I’m asking…

I’m asking myself: is this the punishment?

I took a life and now a life is taken away from me?”

You stayed quiet for a while, your parents died in a car accident because of a drunk man, someone you never forgave, but Vince was different.

You could see the pain in his eyes and that didn’t let you hate him.

“My parents died in a car accident because of someone like you, I should hate you but I can’t.

I don’t think cancer is a punishment for something we did wrong in life, I don’t know what it is, I haven’t got any answer. But my son taught me that not of these shit matters, all that we have to do is fight day by day along side with them. For them is enough to know that we are here to hold them when the pain is unbearable.”

You suddenly started to cry and Vince hugged you, you tighted the grip, you want, no, you need someone by your side. Someone who hugged your sadness away.

And that person was  Vince.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since that day you became friends.

You talked every night if Skylar and Y/S/N till you felt asleep. You and your son even met Skylar, the two child became immediately friends.

For a couple of weeks the things were going better and you let yourself indulge in a dangerous illusion: everything will be alright.

Skylar and Y/S/N will defeat cancer, they will come back home, stay friends and maybe one day they will even marry.

That was the moment the tragedy struck.

Skylar was getting bad again, a surgery was necessary. Both Vince and Skylar were scared to death but you and your little lion man managed to comfort them somehow.

Skylar never survived to that surgery, her beautiful blue eyes would never open again, she would never experience the world.

Vince was in pieces and you tried your best to keep him together, but a part of him died with her daughter and after a while he stopped coming in hospital.

Once again you were left alone with your little lion to fight.

This time were different, though. He kept watching a stuffed animal Skylar gave to him and sighed. He barely talked and never laughed anymore since the death of his friends.

His health was declining and you couldn’t stop, it was like he was trying to reach Skylar on the other side, but he couldn’t!

He was so young!

He wanted to be a veterinary!

He was your beloved kid and you didn’t wanna give him to anybody else in the sky.

It was fucking yours!

That evening you noticed that something was different, his pale skin was like translucent, there were a light in him.

“Mum.” He said in a serious tone who didn’t belong to him.

“Mum, whatever will happens remember two things.

I love you to the moon and back.

I’ll be always watching you even though you can’t see me.” You were too shocked to say something.

You read him a fairytale and gave him the goodnight kiss.

The morning after Y/S/N was dead.

It was a nightmare, all you wanted to do was cry and sleep, but people around you made you sign tons of paper and forced you to organize the funeral.

How could a mother do that without getting completely crazy?

You felt on the edge of losing your mind when you finally sat on the chair you used to talk with Vince.

Some minute later someone sat near you, you lifted your head ready to snap the head of whoever was there. You froze when you see Vince.

“I heard, I’m sorry, Y/N.” You didn’t say anything, so he hugged you strongly.

Something in the warmth of Vince’s embrace melted something inside you.

“I’m here, you are not alone.

For them is enough to know that we are here to hold them when the pain is unbearable.

Do you remember?” You nodded.

“So here I am. We will get through this together.

I promise you.” You had no guarantee that he would keep his promise, but you decided to believe.

You felt like Vince was the last gift of Y/S/N so you got lost in his warmth.

You had time to cry after.

[vro0m]

vro0m’s rewatch - 45/288

2009 Hungarian GP

Recap + GIFs

And this is why halos are necessary.

Right so. 7 days before that race, F2 driver Henry Surtees died during a race, at the very young age of 18. He was hit in the head by the wheel of another car that had spun and hit the wall.

And then, during quali, Massa had a horrific accident, in some ways similar to Henry’s. Barrichello’s rear suspension started coming apart during his lap because of what seems to be a bolt failure. A spring weighing about 1 kg fell off at high speed and bounced on the track, hitting Massa, who was behind Barrichello, in the head. We do not know if it knocked him unconscious as the brakes were partially locked up but he didn’t turn the steering wheel anymore and hit the tyre wall straight on. He was still on the throttle at that time. He was then stabilised in the car and taken away. If I understand correctly, there was a dent on the outside of his helmet but the inside was structurally intact. The visor came detached.

In the medical centre, it was noted that he had a deep cut across his left eyebrow. He was conscious when he arrived at the hospital, the Ferrari press officer say. The check-up showed bone damage on the skull above his left eye and a concussion. He had to undergo surgery. I read online he was placed in an artificial coma at some point. However at the time of the broadcast, we learn the surgery went well, he’s in stable condition and in intensive care. Another CT scan showed no problem. His family has arrived from Brazil and he was conscious and is now resting.

Brawn is very seriously investigating what happened to Barrichello’s car, of course. Ross Brawn explains they don’t have a complete explanation yet, and this has certainly never happened before.

So yeah. No halos at the time, you know?

Quali report : Toro Rosso has a new driver?! Jaime Alguersuari. I guess he’s taken Bourdais’ place then? Anyway he’s last on the grid. Of course, Q3 was delayed after Massa’s accident and while Brawn and the FIA checked Barrichello’s car and double-checked Jenson’s, who is 8th, for any weaknesses. Lewis is 4th!!! So the car is better?! The official timing system then went down, so nobody knew what the grid was. Alonso went around asking people I guess what their times were? and he figured out he was on pole. Webber is 3rd. Seb is 2nd. Also this might just be Piquet’s last GP, too.

Formation lap.

And they’re racing!

Wtf, Raikkonen just swerved into Lewis? He’s 3rd though! Go my boy! Seb, down in 7th, radios possible front wing damage. Ah lol, guess who touched his car? Raikkonen. LEWIS OVERTAKES WEBBER HE’S 2ND I’M GONNA CRY FROM RELIEF BUT ALSO I’M AFRAID TO HOPE.

He’s quicker than Alonso in the lead too!! Even though he’s carrying more fuel!!! I’m so happy this is ridiculous. He asks on the radio if he needs to save his fuel. The team says “no, it’s up to you”. They tell him he’ll catch him if he keeps up the pace though. The gap is closing quickly for sure! He gained half a second on him in a lap! He’s 1.5 seconds behind.

ALONSO PITS ON LAP 11! That’s way earlier than expected but also it means LEWIS LEADS. Oh wait. Alonso’s wheel is loose??? What’s going on. Yep his team is back in the pit waiting for him. OMG THE WHEEL WENT OFF, IT’S BOUNCING AWAY ON THE TRACK. A WEEK AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO SURTEES AND A DAY AFTER MASSA’S ACCIDENT?! Oh god oh god oh god. Thankfully it went off the track quickly. Alonso carries on to the pits on three wheels (which I thought was illegal btw?) while Lewis makes the fastest lap.

On lap 20, Raikkonen and Webber pit. They almost collided in the lane as they went back out! There might be a penalty for RedBull there. Lewis pits from the lead! It will be a three-stopper. AAAND HE’S STILL IN THE LEAD! The team tells him to now look after his tyres.

Oh, Seb has to retire. Suspension problem, probably due to that contact with Raikkonen in the first corner. That’s kinda crazy for the championship though. Jenson is not doing well, Brawn is not as dominant as they were at the beginning of the season, and now Seb is out.

We’re halfway through now. It’s really looking good for Lewis. He has 7 seconds on Raikkonen and the team tells him the pace is good. 24 laps to the end, second pitstop. It’s quick and straightforward, he’s still in the lead, 2.7 seconds ahead of Webber, this time.

10 laps to go, all is good.

And it’s the end of the race!

LEWIS WINS! Nicole is crying. The whole team is crying. They thank him on the radio. He says great job! “You guys worked so hard for this and I’m so glad we could do it this weekend. So so proud of you guys. Thank you, thank you.”

He hugs Martin Whitmarsh, the emotion is palpable. Shakes hands with Raikkonen.

The smile, the sparkle, I’m so emo don’t talk to me.

He empties the champagne bottle on Martin who’s trying to hide behind the trophy, my heart is full.

Press conference! It’s an incredible feeling to be back here, he says. It was such a struggle and he’s so proud of the guys, they never gave up. The car felt fantastic. He’s so happy!

Later on, he says it’s a huge turn around. At the beginning of the season, they said if anyone could do it, it’d be them. Also they did estimate they were 6 months behind the leaders and 6 months later, here they are.

He says of course if they had this car from the start they would be winning, but it wasn’t the case. He hopes the guys at the factory get a good break over the next few weeks because he knows they are knackered. He knew the car was good in Germany (but as we know he couldn’t show it because of the damage he got at the start).

He says that weekend (in Germany) he unfortunately left the radio open while yelling with excitement in the car and the team heard him and then played it for the guys at the factory which is the most wholesome thing ever. He hopes it was at least good motivation for everyone!

He says they knew they had pace for a podium but didn’t expect to win.

Also just a technical note. What’s happening here is actually that McLaren and Ferrari, unlike all the other teams, decided to opt for the KERS (Kinetic Energy Recovery System) which is a braking system that stocks the kinectic energy that can then be released by the push of a button, basically offering a boost during an acceleration. This is how Lewis was able to have such an amazing start. All the other teams gave up on it because it was too expensive to develop and also very heavy. However, this race might just be a turning point of the championship from a technical standpoint because the KERS is now getting serious results.

[crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer]

Love Never Dies is not the fix-it fic I was expecting

Recently, I found out there was a sequel movie to that 2004 Phantom of the Opera movie with Gerard Butler in it. And since I’ve been on a Phantom kick... I watched it.

It's called Love Never Dies and it basically reads like someone's "fix-it fic" where Raoul turns out to be an abusive gambling drunk and Christine actually DID have sex with the Phantom once and WHOOPS the son Raoul thinks is his own is ACTUALLY the Phantom's son and in the end she fucking dies, so her dying wish is for Phantom to raise the boy.... and I guess kiss her corpse one last time because That Happened....

ALSO ABOUT 30 MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE PHANTOM AND CHRISTINE START SINGING ABOUT HAVING SEX, SO I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW AND BE PREPARED FOR THAT BECAUSE IT IS BOTH HILARIOUS AND EXTREMELY AWKWARD.

Seriously, I had to keep pausing the movie to laugh because I swear they started having sex with their voices by the end of the duet. My major question after all that is... when did they actually HAVE time to do the devil's tango during the first movie? Like... at what point exactly did this take place? What did I miss? XD 

Bearing all that in mind, I’m going to take anyone interested in this on a little adventure through the highlights of this movie. Because I already essentially live blogged this to several people as I was going through it and I feel like it’s worth sharing.

There is a plot twist at the end of this “fix-it” - trust me it’s worth it, please keep reading you’re in for a treat~

~.~

WELL ANYWAY THIS IS THE LOOK ON PHANTOM'S FACE WHEN HE REALIZES FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT CHRISTINE HAS A SON

This, mind you, is directly after the scene in which they've just sung a duet about how they bonked each other way back when.....

Like... they literally transition from "GRAPHIC VOICE FUCKING" to "Sing for me again, Christine! I'll pay you double what you were offered by that Hammerstein fellow!" to "OH HEY LOOK A CHILD!" asdhklf

That's not the face of a man who's like "OH SHIT I HAVE A SON"

That is the face of a man who's like "OH SHIT MY RIVAL GOT MY CRUSH PREGNANT, NOW I HAVE TO KILL THE BOY" because he hasn't fucking figured it out yet and I'm cackling this is awful.

Flash forward a few short scenes and

THIS!!! THIS IS THE FACE OF A MAN WHO JUST REALIZED "OH SHIT THIS IS MY SON!"

"this boy... this music... he plays... just like me" he figured it out... because... the kid plays piano.... I just

Breaking News: latent piano talent is hereditary Amazing XD

Meanwhile, the kid’s just:

"uh, dude? you okay over there?"

Also, I feel like I have to mention that Phantom's hair is all sleek and black and full right up until he discovers he has a son, decides to test him to see if this boy could truly be his.... and then takes off his mask to the sound of his son SCREECHING BLOODY MURDER BECAUSE APPARENTLY ACTUAL DEFORMED HUMANS IN GLASS CAGES ARE BEAUTIFUL BUT A BUBBLE SUNBURN SCAR FACE IS THE MOST HIDEOUS THING THIS CHILD HAS EVER SEEN WITH HIS 10-YEAR-OLD EYES.... and that's evidently enough to make Phantom's hair go thin and grey and start falling out of his head because he looks like he's Been Through Some Shit right after that.

Poor dude can only take so much rejection, it seems. That child aged him by at least 50 years all in the span of a few minutes.

Meanwhile, I'm still vexxed by the fact that the Phantom in this movie is somehow still convinced his non-birth deformity couldn't possibly NOT be genetically passed on to his child.... because it's... you know... not a genetic deformity in the Phantom cinematic universe of these two movies unlike in the original source material...

His bubble sunburn scar face was obtained through abuse he received while being caged for a freak show since his childhood... so why is he somehow convinced that it's impossible for his offspring to be born without a deformity? I mean, I get what the movie is trying to go for with his initial denial that he could produce something so beautiful... considering he has internalized the idea that his outward appearance is ugly, he could never be beautiful, and it's the reason for his loneliness... but I'm just too distracted by this discrepancy.

I mean...

Movie Phantom: *is surprised non-genetic deformity isn't hereditary* Also Movie Phantom: *thinks latent musical talent/interest is hereditary*

Aah, yes. It all makes sense now. Everything is genetic but actual genetics itself. How foolish of me. XD

~.~

And then the second half of this movie is really something.....

16 minutes in to the second act and Raoul has gambled his wife away because he was drunk and Phantom saw the perfect opportunity to swoop in and hit him in his "manly pride spot"

Phantom, out here in full fuckboy mode: "Alright, Raoul, let's settle this once and for all, you drunken bastard. How about we take a gamble?"

Raoul: "Dammit, you know I can't resist a gamble!"

Phantom: "If Christine does the singing gig she's being paid to do, it means she loves me and you have to disappear forever! But if she decides to drop her career for some reason, it means she loves you and I'll leave you alone."

Raoul: "Sounds perfectly reasonable to me! So, I'm going to charge right into her dressing room 10 minutes before she's due to sing and then beg her to drop her entire career for me without informing her of this stupid bet we've just made! That'll totally win her heart and not come back to bite me in a classic misunderstanding at all!"

Phantom: "Excellent, you stupid boy! You go do that!"

Phantom then proceeds to convince Christine that Raoul is a selfish bastard who wants to hold her back from reaching her potential like the shitty sexist husbands of the time.

Raoul:

~.~

Now it's the end of the movie, Christine is dead, their son is sadly laying in her lap.... and Raoul just arrived on the scene, so Phantom lifts his hand off the boy's head after trying to have A Moment and does THIS

I don't even know what this face is, but I fucking love it. Ben Lewis’ facial expressions make this whole movie, to be honest. XD 

Phantom literally just.... doesn't know what to do with his hands. He just removes himself from the scene, hands Raoul back his dead wife like "okay, here's your family back, sorry I got involved" and then cries at the ocean for a while asdhklf 

Then the son goes up to the Phantom, hugs him, takes his mask off and DOESN'T SCREAM IN TERROR THIS TIME.... because he finally accepted this man as his birth father and understands that beauty comes from within and all that jazz.

So, what I got out of this ending here..... is that Christine is dead...... and Raoul and Phantom are finally going to put aside their differences to raise their son (now that their mutual love interest is out of the picture). And now I'm kind of wondering if.... this "fix-it fic" actually had a different ship in mind the entire time and they just really needed to find a feasible way to get Phantom's DNA into the mix. XD

So, in conclusion, my only question is this: Where is the sequel to THIS movie, Andrew Lloyd Webber?! Where is my sequel where Raoul and Phantom have to share the domestic responsibilities of raising their son together???!!!?!? WHERE IS IT, YOU COWARD GIVE ME MY SEQUEL WHERE THESE TWO AWFUL MEN HAVE TO REFORM THEMSELVES AND EACH OTHER FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR CHILD AND A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE! YOU BUTCHERED THEM, SO NOW YOU HAVE TO FIX THEM! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

[measuringlife]

Measuring Me: An Ode to My Love of Music

This Bob Marley quote has always resonated with me: “One good thing about music. When it hits you, you feel no pain.”

I must confess I am not musical. I can’t carry a tune, play an instrument, or read music of any sort. I think because I am not personally musical, I deeply appreciate music. I feel music with every fiber of my being. Music is my drug of choice.

It calms me down.

It picks me up.

It comforts me.

It’s something I can lose myself in.

I really started my love affair with music during my tween years, but those were all the years of the end of my parent’s marriage and my Dad moving out. Music was a good escape. I then turned to music to help ease the heartbreak of unrequited love in college. Music to help calm the stress of grad school. Music is where I turned for comfort after my Dad died. Music kept me going when I first running and continued to motivate me through thousands of miles over the years. Music helps me focus on work in the office or make a tedious task more enjoyable. Music drives the choreography of BODYPUMP and other Les Mills workouts.

I both hate and love how accessible music is in this day and age. I’m actually listening to the best of Broadway from Amazon Music as I type this thanks to yelling for Alexa to play “showtunes” for me. I remember creating my Pandora account in August 2005 and thinking WOW! Actually at one point in my life just after grad school circa 2008 the most expensive thing I owned (aside from my car) was my iTunes library. I would argue in my early high school years the most expensive thing I owned was my cd collection. For the record I still have all my CDs - I’ve just removed almost all the jewel cases and keep them in books or on a spindle. I also have ALL my early iTunes music saved to 2 different iPods.

Thinking back I remember certain songs from my childhood like “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys or “I would do anything for love” by Meatloaf or “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen or various broadway showtunes ranging from Jesus Christ Superstar to Phantom on the Opera to Grease and Rocky Horror. My Dad and my Aunt who were my stronger early musical influences had a penchant for Andrew Loyd Webber and campy shows! I also remember one of the first CDs our family purchased as a “hits of the 50s-60s” two-disc collection - it has a sad song I loved called “Tell Laura I love her” by Ray Peterson that I particularly loved. Spoiler alert the more heartbreaking the song the more I tend to like it.

CDs gained widespread popularity when I was in junior high school which was perfect for an angsty teen. Some early teen year CDs of the late 90s I loved were Eve6, Bush, Hootie and the Blowfish, Limp Bizkit, Third Eye Blind, and Matchbox 20. I really REALLY loved “Outside” by Staind and Fred Durst, I remember listening to that track from the 1999 Family Values Tour CD on REPEAT. However I also was a total teeny bopper with an eternal flame for Hanson, but also loved all things boys bands like Nsync, BSB, 98 degrees, 5ive, O-Town, and the “fake” boy band 2gether.

I went to my first concert in 2nd grade to see teen pop sensation Debbie Gibson! I didn’t go to another concert until 9th grade when I saw Backstreet Boys. From there I went to concerts as much as my mom would let me. Once I got my license my concert going really picked up. Jones Beach Outdoor Amphitheater was THE venue as a teenager, so many amazing summer concert memories there.

My love of music took another turn in college. Right away I joined the college radio station and all of a sudden had access to all these new artists on the rise. I remember my first semester of college in Fall 2001 getting a cd and small-time merch from this up and coming singer-songwriter who had Connecticut roots. You may have heard of him, his name is John Mayer. I honestly have COUNTLESS bands that I discovered through my college radio days (shout out WQAQ - the soundtrack of Quinnipiac). There is so much music I associate with college that it’s hard to recall when I was first introduced to them - like Dashboard Confessional, Jimmy Eat World, Something Corporate, Fall Out Boy, Yellowcard, Jack Johnson, and Ben Harper to name a few. I also recall listening to quite a bit of “screamo” back then like The Used and Hawthorne Heights. The band I will forever associate with QAQ is the Spill Canvas and they are still of my favorite bands. In fact, I’m seeing them in concert later this month!

I also went to a ton of concerts in college, one band I haven’t mentioned is Incubus. They are also one of my all-time favorites. I saw Incubus a number of times in college, most memorable were two tour stops in 2002. One at the Garden in NYC and one at the Hartford Civic Center. They started the shows playing full blast electric then they changed the vibe of the stage and did a couple of acoustic songs before switching back to full electric. The crazy thing is that so many of their songs work just all acoustic as they do full blast.

Going to concerts was also a great way to discover music through opening acts. I’ve always been a person to get to a show to see the opening act. The all-time best chain of introduction to music was when I went to my first John Mayer show in November 2002. It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving and we all arrived back to college that afternoon with the concert that night. The drive up we listened to John Mayer the whole ride. The venue, the Oakdale Theater in Wallingford CT was small (I just looked it up the capacity was 4,800) and so intimate. Everyone there were passionate John Mayer fans, the opening act had their work cut out for them. Enter: Maroon 5 as the opening act. They melted my face off. They had the most unbelievable energy and hot damn could they shred on guitar. John Mayer even came out before his set to shred with them on one song. My best memory of that set was when Adam Levine covered Nine In Nails “Closer.” Holy hell, still one of the best performances I’ve seen. Ever. Just to be clear the John Mayer show was also amazing, the best one of his I’ve ever gone too because of how small it was I think. However, I walk away from a stellar John Mayer show still buzzing from Maroon 5. I could write a whole blog post of my Maroon 5 fandom in their early days (like how I was part of their “street team” and was invited by their management to go to their first Total Request Live performance because they wanted fans who could sing along to every word in the audience). Anyway back to the chain of amazing artist introduction. October 2003 I was going to NYC for the night to see Maroon 5 and low and behold their opening act was a newcomer named Gavin DeGraw who stole the show, his cover of Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get in On” is yet another top concert memory. I should also note 30 Seconds to Mars opened for Incubus when I saw them in Hartford in 2002. 

Another note from the early 2000s history books, during my college years Kazaa and Limewire were at their height. Plus being on a college ethernet that was not yet “wireless” we were able to log into a campus-wide music portal some smart computer programming major kid set up where you essentially made you music public for others to copy and you were able to search and copy other people’s music. SO MUCH MUSIC. I was particularly obsessed with ripped live versions of songs.

Looking back at the top 10 performances/shows I’ve seen - not including festivals - because that could be its own category. If there is a particularly noteworthy song I’ll note it.

Incubus - 11am acoustic (2002 - Hartford Civic Center)

John Mayer (2002 - Oakdale Theatre)

Maroon 5 - Closer (2002 - Oakdale Theatre)

Third Eye Blind - (2003 - SPB Concert at Quinnipiac - Josh Kelley opened and was awesome)

Gavin DeGraw - Let’s Get it On (2003/2004 - NYC and Hartford - both were amazing)

Spill Canvas - All Hail The Heartbreaker (2004 - The Attic, Hamden CT)

Maroon 5 (2004/2005 at two tiny Long Island venues)

David Cook - Permanent (Night for Hope 2012 - State Theatre, Falls Church VA)

Jimmy Eat World - A Praise Chorus (2017 - Bristow VA)

Hanson - (2017 - The Fillmore - Silver Spring - also 2018 - Wolf Trap they played Yearbook for the first time ever on tour during their String Theory shows)

Top 10 influential albums by a single artist/band listed chronologically - not including any soundtracks, showtunes, or festival albums which each could be its own categories. You may notice there are some artists where I can’t choose one either due to both being amazing or discovering them around the same time and listening to them digitally in a shuffled mix. 

Hanson - Middle of Nowhere (1997)

Third Eye Blind - Third Eye Blind (1997 self-titled debut)

Eve 6  - Eve 6 (1998 self-titled debut)

Incubus - Make Yourself (1999)/Morning View (2001)

John Mayer - Room for Squares (2001)/Any Given Thursday (2003)

Dashboard Confessional - The Swiss Army Romance (2000)/The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most (2001)

Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane (2002)

Gavin DeGraw - Chariot (2003) / Chariot: Stripped (2004)

Spill Canvas - Sunsets and Car Crashes (2004)/One Fell Swoop (2005)

David Cook - Analog Heart (2006)

Honorable mention all of David Cook’s albums from his old band Axium

[asflowersfade]

Ficlet: A Matter of National Security

A MacGyver ficlet, set in ep 209. I always thought it weird that one moment, they were on the East Coast, then suddenly, back in LA. So, how did Mac get from a hospital in NY back home so quickly? An unexplained time jump? Or...

Matty’s positive that Oversight would not risk Mac’s life for anything less than national security.

Closing her eyes for a second, Matty takes a deep breath to steel herself, then knocking firmly on the door of Oversight’s office, she waits to be invited in. She’s so not looking forward to this conversation. At all.

When she enters, the man, Oversight, James MacGyver himself, is sitting behind his desk, still looking more like a field agent who just happened to drop by rather than the head of a clandestine organization as powerful as the Phoenix Foundation.

Now, he glances up from the report he’s going through to acknowledge her presence, before going back to reading. “Yes, Director Webber?” he asks absentmindedly.

Matty closes the door and walks up to his desk. “We have a situation, sir,” she informs him in a quiet, steady voice.

“Yes?” he responds, still focused on the papers in his hands. “Is it about the VX nerve gas your team was sent to retrieve? Did they get it?”

Another deep breath. “Yes, sir. We got the gas and we also managed to capture several freelance mercs working for Annisa Chandra, the Indonesian extremist leader.”

James looks up again. “That’s great, director. Congratulations,” he says. Then he pauses, seeing that she’s obviously not done. “So, what’s the situation you mentioned?”

“Sir, during the retrieval, it came to an altercation with the terrorists. The canister with the nerve gas was damaged and it came to a spill,” Matty finishes on a low note.

James finally sets his papers aside, giving her his undivided attention. “ Any casualties? Were we able to contain the leak?”

Wincing inwardly, Matty responds, “The spill was contained quite quickly. And there was only one casualty, sir. Your son.”

For a moment, James simply stares at her, as if he didn’t actually hear what she just told him. Then he clears his throat, laying his hands flat on his desk, and says haltingly, “I see. How bad is it?”

Matty sighs. “From what I understand, the canister was nicked by a bullet in a shootout with the mercs. When Mac realized what happened, he locked himself in a room with it to contain the leak as much as possible. He managed to build a vent hood and he safely disposed of the nerve gas but... “ She swallows hard. “I’m afraid he himself got the full blast, sir.”

James nods, looking down for a second. “Where is he now?”

“Dalton and Cage took him to a hospital in New York and--”

Frowning, James looks up. His moment of weakness from a minute ago is gone. “That’s out of the question, Director Webber. If news about the lost canister got out, the consequences would be inconceivable. Sent our medical team to New York, now, and have them transfer Angus back to LA immediately. This mustn’t get out, at all cost.”

She stares at him for a second. “Sir, as much as I understand your concern, your son needs medical attention, urgently.”

He reacts with a glare. “I’m aware of that, director. Like you said, Angus is my son. But need I remind you that this poses a threat to national security? The fact that we let something as dangerous as the VX nerve gas slip through our fingers would cause an uproar.

“Besides,” he adds, “you’re right in that Angus needs medical attention. The best medical attention. And who better render it than our people who have hands-on experience with this type of a situation? I’m certain there’re excellent doctors in New York, too, but since we can’t exactly provide them with details about what happened, that being a matter of national security, they can’t do much for him over there, can they?”

Matty knows that James is right, that they have obligations beyond Mac’s life but a part of her wants to say to hell with national security, wants to give the doctors in New York all the necessary information for them to make Mac better.

“From what I understand, we have an eighteen hour window to save my son’s life,” James continues firmly. “We’re losing valuable time here. You have your orders, director. Follow them!”

Straightening up, Matty tightens her jaw. “Yes, sir,” she replies and leaves the room. She knows she won’t change James MacGyver’s mind and she’s not about to waste time arguing. It’s time that Mac doesn’t have.

Jack watches the commotion in Mac’s hospital room with confusion and rising anxiety. Phoenix’s medical team arrived only minutes ago and immediately took over, much to Mac’s doctor’s fury. And now it looks like they’re packing Mac up to move him? What the hell is going on here?

When he tries to talk to their people, they brush him off, telling him to call Director Webber. And so Jack does exactly that.

“Oversight ordered Mac moved back to LA for treatment, Jack,” Matty tells him over the phone.

“What? Why? Matty, he needs it now, right now!” Jack protests as he watches Mac’s doctor argue with the Phoenix team, waving his hands and pointing firmly at Mac who’s lying in the hospital bed with a bandaged leg and several IVs attached to him - IVs that their team’s now replacing, one bag of clear fluid exchanged for another.

“I know that, Jack,” Matty responds, trying to calm him down, “but since it’s a matter of national security, what Mac got poisoned with, there’s very little they can actually do for him there. Our team has everything necessary with them to start Mac’s treatment now and continue it in-flight. We can offer Mac a much better care over here, at the HQ.”

Jack pauses because he can see Mac seizing again, his face pale and sweaty, a mask of pain. Jack wants to rip someone a new one, preferably the doctors who should stop arguing and actually do something to help their patient!

“Are you sure about that, Matty?” Jack asks, his free hand clenched into a fist. “Are you sure they’ll be able to help him better at home? Are you sure that this isn’t some-some dumb power play on Oversight’s part? That they aren’t just trying to cover their ass, Mac be damned?”

There’s a pause and when Matty replies, her voice is softer but no less firm. “I’m positive that Oversight would not risk Mac’s life for anything less than national security, Jack.”

Which isn’t the answer that Jack wanted to hear but he’s known Matty long enough to realize that this is the best one he’ll get. Damn all the higher-uppers and their stupid politicking!

“Alright, fine! Then I need to go and kick some people’s asses to get it done,” Jack replies and without waiting for Matty’s response, he hangs up.

Following that, Jack steps into Mac’s room and snaps, “Hey!” And when both Mac’s attending physician and the leader of the Phoenix team turn to him, he points his finger first at the former, then at the latter. “You, we’re taking the kid and you can’t do zip about it. If you have a problem with that, talk to my boss. And you, if you insist on taking Mac out of here, then fucking do it. Let’s go!”

Then Jack pushes past them, walking up to Mac’s bed. He can see that the seizure subsided but it left Mac weak and trembling. Jack leans over him and squeezes his hand. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he whispers.

Mac licks his lips and gives Jack a wan smile. “Tired,” he croaks. “And everything hurts. What’s-what’s going on?” he asks in worry then, seeing the hospital people stomp out in fury and the team with the Phoenix Foundation badges on their coats swarm closer.

“Easy,” Jack whispers, smoothing down Mac’s tousled hair. “Oversight sent our own people over, they’ll be taking you home, to LA, for treatment. I bet they get brownie points for every time you pass through their wing, kid,” he jokes, even though he doesn’t find it funny at all.

But Mac’s brain apparently never stops working, not even pickled with nerve gas, because he responds softly, closing his eyes, “Oh, they really don’t want news about the lost canister to get out, do they?”

Jack winces a little. But he still tries to keep up the good mood. “Hey, look at it from the bright side. At least you’ll get to recuperate in a familiar place.”

Now Mac snorts, and without opening his eyes, he mumbles, “Sure. One more stay at Phoenix Medical and I win a prize…”

And then Jack’s pushed aside and Mac’s moved deftly to a gurney, IVs and all, and hustled out of the room, Jack and Cage, whom he gathers from the waiting room, quickly following. Because there’s no way Jack won’t be on that plane with Mac. Just no way.

James doesn’t visit his son. He wants to, he wants to be there as much as he wanted to be there when Angus was shot and almost died at Lake Como. But he can’t. Not if he doesn’t want to risk his long game falling apart. And he’s spent too many years setting up the board to just flip it now.

So he watches from afar, through a surveillance camera set up in Angus’ room downstairs, in the medical wing. He sees Dalton come and go, then the rest of the team, too, with Cage lingering behind.

James sits there, in his office, as patient as ever, watching his son undergo the treatment necessary for saving his life. The treatment he should’ve received back in New York already, the father in him insists. But the Oversight firmly reasserts himself. No, he’s been bending the rules for Angus enough as it is. Still, to watch his child seize in his hospital bed, to see him writhe in pain... it’s agony.

In the end, he can’t stay away, after all. After hours, once everyone but the skeleton crew went home, James sneaks into Phoenix Medical, into his son’s room, and just for a moment he watches Angus sleep, listens to him breathe. And he tries his damnedest to convince himself that all the lies, all the subterfuge, that it’s all worth it.

Somehow, as he stands there, by his son’s hospital bed, James is not so sure about it anymore.

[atlanticcanada]

RCMP officer killed in Nova Scotia's mass shooting died in exchange of gunfire

An RCMP officer who was killed in Nova Scotia's 2020 mass shooting was racing to support another officer when the fatal encounter with the gunman occurred near a highway interchange.

New documents tabled at the public inquiry into the killings show Const. Heidi Stevenson died following a frantic exchange of gunfire with the killer, who had jumped a lane of traffic in his replica police vehicle in order to drive the wrong way down a highway ramp and slam into the Mountie's cruiser.

The incident took place on April 19, 2020, near Shubenacadie, N.S., the morning after the killer -- disguised as an RCMP officer -- murdered 13 people in the tiny rural community of Portapique, N.S. He would kill another nine people, including Stevenson and motorist Joseph Webber, before he was killed by police at a gas station outside of Halifax.

According to a foundational document released by the inquiry, Stevenson was responding to a potential sighting of the gunman's replica vehicle near RCMP Const. Chad Morrison. Morrison was on alert after RCMP dispatch had broadcast the possible sighting at around 10:44 a.m.

Shortly after, he noticed a Ford Taurus police vehicle travelling towards him "a couple of hundred metres back." Morrison radioed for identification and Stevenson replied "that's me."

After pulling a gentle U-turn, Morrison pulled over near a stop sign on Gays River Road at the intersection with Highway 2.

However, it soon became apparent the approaching vehicle wasn't Stevenson's when Morrison noticed a black push bar on the front of the car, a feature that Stevenson's car did not have.

But he still didn't know it was killer Gabriel Wortman who was driving until the fugitive pulled up alongside and began firing shots through the driver-side window. Morrison heard at least three or four shots, screamed and hit the gas.

"Glass was breaking and I was hearing things go off and I felt, um, something in my chest and I felt like, things happening in my arms and I know I had this gash on my face," he told investigators.

As Morrison sped off to get medical assistance, he radioed, "I'm shot. I'm shot. Southbound on Number 2. Southbound on 2 taking the Shubie. I'm shot."

"It's the suspect vehicle. It's him," he added.

Stevenson heard Morrison's radio message and she continued to his last known position. The collision with Wortman occurred at 10:49 a.m.

After the head-on crash, the nose of Stevenson's vehicle was facing the ramp's guardrail while the rear of Wortman's vehicle was near Stevenson's passenger-side door.

Stevenson got out of her vehicle and went to the ground, although the commission notes conflicting witness testimony on whether it was under her own power or the result of "interference by the perpetrator."

According to the document, several shots were fired towards Stevenson's vehicle, after which Wortman approached the officer and shot her at close range before taking her pistol and ammunition.

It said forensic evidence at the scene suggests Stevenson likely exited her vehicle and was facing in Wortman's direction during the gunfire exchange. Fourteen casings were found that were consistent with having been fired from her Smith & Wesson pistol.

Investigators also said it was plausible that a wound later found on the upper right side of the killer's head was caused by bullet fragments from Stevenson's weapon.

Meanwhile, a motorist, Joseph Webber, arrived at the scene. Witness Gerald Whitman called 911 to report the collision and gunshots and at around 10:53 a.m. he told the dispatcher about Webber's arrival.

"And there was a guy that stopped with an SUV, but I don't see him anymore. The SUV's there but ... it's pretty weird. Both cars are just smashed to hell."

Whitman said Webber approached Wortman, who directed him to the back seat of the replica cruiser. He said there were shots and then the cruiser was set on fire before the killer jumped in the silver SUV and drove away.

Investigators interviewed 27 people who witnessed the events from vehicles or from their homes near the scene.

Dean Martin, who lived north of the cloverleaf interchange, said he heard four to eight gunshots. Martin, who took 11 photos at the scene, observed the killer take out gas cans and set one of the police cruisers on fire.

He told police, "I have never seen someone that looked so casual in my life. It's like he wasn't getting excited, he wasn't, he was just kinda taking it out like it was an average day."

The first RCMP members to reach the scene at 10:57 a.m. were four members of the Emergency Response Team. Const. Andy MacLellan pulled Stevenson's body away from the burning vehicle and checked for vital signs before confirming she was dead.

By 10:59 a.m., the team had left the scene to look for the silver SUV after getting the information about the vehicle from a witness.

Cpl. Tim Mills radioed warnings to other RCMP units as the team drove along Highway 224.

"If you see a silver SUV Tracker with a guy with a yellow jacket, you got to, you can't give him a second. You got to have a gun on him. Gun on him."

This report by The Canadian Press was first published April 11, 2022.

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/vyY4zdC

[i-may-have-a-point]

Review of 14x10 “Personal Jesus”

So many people were fantastic in this episode, but my review mainly focuses on April’s story as she is the one I connect with the most.  

“In a course of one day, Job received four messages with separate news that his livestock, servants, and ten children had all died.  He continued to be a faithful servant.  He praised God.  He persevered.  Job’s faith was tested, and he passed the test.  And for his faith God rewarded Job with twice what he had before.”

There is an idea in many circles of Christianity that has been perpetuated for years.  To really be a Christian, you must prove yourself. You follow all the rules, you stay as far from all forms of sin as possible, and you never question the teachings of the Bible.  If you can do those things, and do them well, then maybe you will be a good enough Christian.

April Kepner was taught those same ideas.  She grew up believing, knowing, that God is the answer for all of life’s difficulties. All she needed to do was to believe in him and follow his teachings, and life would go according to plan.  

Except it didn’t.  

It didn’t go according to plan in that hotel room in San Francisco when her feelings for her best friend contradicted everything she had learned about sex and virtue.  For the first time in her life, she stopped following the straight path that was laid before her.  She took a detour and found, that if she let it, life could be fuller and hold more joy than she ever imagined.  

And it was. For a moment.

But the guilt and shame that come from being taught your whole life that good Christians don’t sin quickly caught up with her, and her unshakeable pillar of faith swayed just enough to crack the surface.  

Christians fail, though. She knew that.  She only needed to ask forgiveness and to reaffirm her faith, and eventually she did.  The on-call room escapades stopped, and she grounded herself again, back on the right path.  She would work harder at being a better doctor, a better person, a better Christian and eventually, God would reward her.

And the she met Matthew, who was seemingly everything she ever wanted.  A kind, handsome man who was strong in his faith and loved her completely.  Her world had been set right.  Except for that quiet spark, deep in her soul that yearned for more.  She heard it in still moments.  It would whisper to her that there is more to life than settling for what you are “supposed” to do.  She continued to silence that nudging voice, until the day she was supposed to marry Matthew, and the voice became a roar.  It was so loud that it was all she could hear as she turned from the altar and ran from the church with Jackson, terrified and overjoyed all at once.

Her faith shook once more, unsure that she had made the right choice, but then peace came.

God had brought her happiness.  She married Jackson, they were expecting a baby, and all was right with the world. Until it wasn’t.  Until she was given an unimaginable test.  Her child was sick, and no medicine in the world could cure him.  She held her son and watched him take his last breath. She had no explanation.  She prayed for a miracle. Her whole life she had been taught to be faithful and obedient and God would answer her prayers.  Yet he didn’t.  And this ripped a hole in her faith so large that it could never fully close.

The hole grew as she traveled to Jordan searching for healing, but she lost her marriage instead. Jackson was her rock.  He was one of the few people in her life who had ever truly believed in her.  Losing him made the hole grow bigger.

Oh, but Harriet. Harriet is her strength. Her reason to keep going.  Her light in the darkness.  

But she is still hurting. She has to ask herself, how can someone like her, a good Christian, face so much pain?  And why would a loving, caring God allow one of his followers to suffer when he could prevent it all?

This season has been building to April being forced to look at her life and the decisions she has made, and this episode is a turning point in that journey.

April walked in to season 14 with a broken spirit when she told Jackson that what they were doing was causing her pain.  Her heart was broken over Jackson, and things only got harder from there.  All season, she was repeatedly reminded of Samuel, Jordan, leaving Matthew at the altar, losing Jackson, and her insecurities as a doctor.

Like Job, she has been tested.  Job lost everything that was dear to him, and yet he still kept his faith.  He was patient because he knew that, no matter what, God was with him.  April did the same.  Through her trials, she kept believing in God and his grace.  Until today, when all of her struggles and all of her failures were placed in her path at once.

Paul is brought in as a hit and run victim and April treats him, while Meredith, Jo, and Alex discuss how best to handle the situation.  Mer goes into the room to check on Paul’s status, and tells April not to kill him. “You really can’t lose him.”  April is constantly being told she is not as good as Meredith, but this is not actually a moment of Meredith distrusting April’s abilities as a doctor.  Mer tells her she can’t lose him because she is afraid Jo and Alex will be charged with murder.  Unfortunately, April doesn’t know that, and it comes across as Mer doubting her.  We see that when April calls after her, “Thanks for the vote of confidence!”  Once again, April feels that she is not good enough.

Because she is so trusting, she thought that Webber had asked her to run the contest because she is a good leader.  She soon finds out it was simply so he could compete, and now, she is missing out on a great surgical opportunity.  This is another small reminder that she is still not valued as a surgeon in her peers’ eyes.

She doesn’t have time to dwell on that, though, because Karen Tayler is very pregnant and will not make it to Labor and Delivery before her baby is born.  So, April steps in for Robbins, delivering the baby who turns out to be Matthew’s daughter.  It seems that Matthew, the man she left at the altar, has the happy life she dreamed of, and she is forced into a front row seat to witness it.  She is happy for him, though.  He deserves happiness, and this is reassurance that she made the right decision leaving him.  He is happy. Even if she isn’t.  

(Side note: Arizona claims she didn’t tell April that she was treated Matthew’s wife because of HIPPA. Arizona sure didn’t care about HIPPA when she told Jackson that April was pregnant.)

Deluca drives the pain in a little deeper by telling April that Matthew’s wife is just like her.  At this point she is visibly frustrated, but she spots Jackson and heads over to him, knowing he will understand.  They have an adorable exchange about the embarrassment of treating Matthew’s wife as well as the contest.  April tries to get Jackson to take back the contest, which he unbeknownst to her, created.  He, of course, says no, and we get our first hint that this contest is going to be big for both of them.  

Their conversation is cut short as April has another incoming trauma.  A twenty-year-old man tried to cut off his own hand because he couldn’t stop masturbating, and according to his interpretation of the Bible, this was the only logical thing to do.  This patient is a message directly for April, but also for the audience.  The Bible is a book of stories that has wonderful teaching and morality lessons.  However, in no way should we interpret what it says literally at all times.  It has been translated countless times and was written by human hands.  Fallible human hands.  It is a guide book and not a how-to manual.

The next trauma is another sign for April that God doesn’t always intervene, even when he can.  Eric, a twelve-year-old boy, was shot by a police officer climbing in the window of his own house.  Jackson and Bailey are visibly angered by this, as things like this happen too often in our country.  He is an innocent child who was shot for no reason other than the officer’s assumption he was a criminal based on the color of his skin.  April does not have personal experience with this, but she can see the cruelty and unfairness of the situation.  She jumps in to help and the weight of the day’s injustices begin to weigh heavily on her.

Like Jo tells Jenny, “The good outweighed the bad.  Until it didn’t.”  

Everywhere April looks she sees bad.  Paul, Karen and Matthew, Eric, Jackson, her career.  But she still has faith, and she tries to explain that to the guy who attempted to cut off his hand.  “God doesn’t tempt us beyond our ability.  He doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” And one of my favorite lines, “When God created the world, he also created metaphors.”

The only problem with this is that God does give people more than they can handle, and April is feeling that right about now.  

Eric’s family arrives and April watches as his parents and Jackson have to fight for him to be treated as a child, a human.  How could these cops, who swear to uphold justice, clearly be so wrong?  

She exchanges a silent look with Jackson, a look that holds so much tension and unspoken thoughts, but Karen Taylor is in pain, and she is pulled away again before she can decide to speak.

Karen has a blood clot on her vagina, and April finds herself in the embarrassing situation of having to drain the blood clot off of her ex-fiance’s wife’s vagina.  Talk about humbling. But that’s okay, because as Karen reminds her, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.”

This message is repeated for April because she is feeling overwhelmed with sorrow, but her Christian upbringing has taught her she is suffering this much for a reason.  God is teaching her something, and she just has to be patient, like Job.

During Eric’s MRI, April hears about the discrimination Jackson faced from police and she realizes there are things she doesn’t know about Jackson, but again, she doesn’t have a moment to get deeper into what he tells her because she is paged back to Karen Taylor.

Karen is still waiting for a room, and she ends up catching up with Matthew while they wait.  She gets to hear all about how Karen is the love of his life. Even after April hurt him so much, he found something better.  “She the love of my life, you know?  Of course you know.  You have that with Jackson.”  In that moment, we all heard April’s heart break.  Jackson is the love of her life, but she feels that she failed in that, too. Instead of telling this to Matthew, she pretends to be happy.  At least something good came from her leaving him.  God gave Matthew a great life and she doesn’t want to take away from that. But that happiness is hard to fake when Matthew says, “I heard from the pastor that you were pregnant.  So, you have, what a three-year-old now?”  Samuel. He would have been three had he lived. “I had – I have – We have Harriett. We have a beautiful daughter named Harriett.  She’s one. She is the light of my life.”  And the love that April has for her daughter is heard in the emotion that comes through in that line.  Harriet is her life at this point.

Matthew is happy for her.  “So, it worked out perfectly for both of us, didn’t it?  God used that pain and turned it into something beautiful.  Guess he knew what he was doing all along.”

He returns to his wife, and April’s face falls as she walks away.

Karma reaches Paul’s room as he injures himself in his angry fit, causing a head injury that leads to him being brain dead.  Can’t say I’m sad.  Jo is told that she gets to make the call on what to do with Paul.  Her reaction from laughter to tears was perfect.  And the way she reached out for Alex’s face for support and relief was everything.  

Robbins finally shows up to help April with Karen who is in extreme pain just as Eric crashes.  

April, Jackson, and Bailey get him to the O.R., and Bailey tells April they can take it from there. April backs away feeling helpless, only to turn back to run into Karen’s O.R.  She is shamed as usual by her co-workers, and she is overcome with guilt.  Maybe she isn’t a good enough doctor.  Maybe she did something wrong.  Did she cause this like she caused all the other bad things in her life?

In this time of despair, she turns to the only source of strength she can think of – God.  She heads to the chapel to pray for her patients, only to find an angry Matthew.  He leaves her, and she sits, beginning to pray for healing and good, but the words of the prayer fail her.  She hears no answer.  And all she can do is cry.

Cry for Karen, whose body is failing her when her child and husband need her the most.

Cry for Eric’s family, who have to bury their child way too early.

Cry for Jackson, who has to live with bias in his life every day because of his skin color.

Cry for a system that has failed.  A system that is supposed to be good.  “How am I supposed to have any faith in a system like that?”

Cry for Ben and Bailey who have to explain their son how not to get killed by the police.  

And she cries because she has no answer for the patient who questions his own faith.

“Then tell me what to do! If I can’t trust this, if the word of God is just a bunch of stories, what does anything mean?  What is any of this even for?”

And that’s the question April cannot answer.  That is the questions that brings her faith tumbling to the ground.  What is the meaning of a new mother dying and leaving her daughter motherless?  What is the meaning of a twelve-year-old boy being murdered outside his house?  What is the meaning of her son, Samuel, dying? What is the meaning of her marriage to Jackson ending?  What is any of this for?

She has spent her life being good because that is what she is supposed to do as Christian, or so she believed.  But why? So she can die with no explanation one day?  So she can experience suffering and loss over and over again?  So she can watch good people suffer daily?  Why is she trying so hard to be good when God allows these terrible things to happen?  Why isn’t he doing anything? Because if he is not going to intervene, then there is no reason to try to live this perfect life.  There is no point to any of this.

“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? Job asked the question, too.  But he kept the faith. And what did he get for it?  Replacement children.  PTSD.  Was it worth it, to be a faithful servant?  Or would it have been better to just curse God’s name from the beginning? Where was God throughout all of Job’s suffering?  He was winning a bet with Satan.  Makes you wonder where he is through all of the unfairness and inequity and cruelty in the world.  Where is he now?”

To April, God has forsaken her.  She was a good and faithful servant.  She was patient.  And it got her nothing.  So, she is done being faithful.  We saw the pain on her face as she drank herself numb at the bar and as she stood in the shower, desperate to wash off the pain of the day, the light in her eyes burnt out. This is where April’s journey begins.

Her decision to let Vik in the shower had nothing to do with love or lust.  It was just one more thing to numb the pain.  She sees no reason to continue to always do the right thing because it has gotten her nothing.  She is alone and broken, and those feelings will guide her decisions from now on.  So stop saying that the show made April a slut or that this decision was out of character.  The character we know as April is not the one who made this decision.  This decision was made by a woman who feels abandoned and lost.  This decision reflects her hope leaving.  I agree that April only having been with Jackson was beautiful, but calling her a slut perpetuates the idea that women, particularly Christian women, should be shamed for having multiple partners.  April has felt that shame her whole life.  That statement would never be made about Jackson, or any other character on the show for that matter, and April should be given the same grace.

But as Sarah said, this story is not over.  Job’s story did not end in the middle of his pain.  It ended with him being rewarded with twice as much as he had before.  I believe that is where April’s story will end, too.  She will come full circle and find her faith and happiness again, so don’t be angry at the turn of events in this episode.  Just wait for the moment that forces April to feel again.  The moment that forces her to stop being numb.  That is the moment when everything will change for the better.  Because even though April was reminded over and over again that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, that’s just not true.  He does.  He gives us so much to handle that we need to turn to him for help and answers.  April knows this, but in this moment, she doesn’t believe it.  But she will find her faith again.  Good things are coming for April, and I still believe for Japril as well.