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#we've thought about that a LOT
gracien-system · 1 year
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We are extremely far from being able to create a truly sentient AI.
The most optimistic estimates of the amount of processing power the human brain possesses are orders of magnitude off from the amount of processing power every computer on earth has, combined.
And that's not even including the tax that you incur from emulation.
The ML shit that is currently happening is nothing like a true AI. It is a collection of linear programming and statistical models which create the illusion of intelligence by recombining data in statistical fashions which make it seem like there is intent when there really isn't.
All they're doing is looking at the last thing they did and predicting the most likely next step, then doing that and repeating the process until the task is complete.
All of this is to preface an entirely different conversation/argument we've been seeing way more than we'd like, recently. That being "we will never achieve sentient AI, it's impossible".
And I would like to counter this in a few different ways, and then leave it alone, because frankly, we hate the discussions about what is/isn't possible via technology, and hate discussions about machine learning with a particular passion.
So, why do we believe sentient AI is possible at all.
Well, when we talk about AI, we aren't limiting our discussion to binary computation. Using a classical or quantum computer and trying to create a consciousness with it is a bad idea. It's theoretically not impossible -- the universe is built on a foundation of information, of bits, of yes/no questions, but frankly, you're not just trying to simulate a consciousness at that point, you're trying to simulate the things that make a consciousness, and doing that makes the computational requirements just absolutely fucking outrageous.
Even if we're talking about a quantum computer, the advantage that it has over regular computing is that you can find every possible solution to an equation in the same time it takes to get one solution, because it does them all simultaneously, and then collapses the computation into the solution you were (hopefully) looking for.
That technology isn't the technology that you're going to want to use if your goal is to create a sentient AI. Not anywhere near it. And I think that's what people get stuck on when they talk about how we will never create sentient AI -- limiting themselves to traditional and quantum computing.
There are other forms of computation which are much closer to the human brain, though -- and much closer to what you would want to use if your goal was to create an artificial intelligence.
Analogue computing comes to mind -- using physical electrical currents to do imprecise, but nearly instant calculation. However, the main thing about analogue computing is that it's... analogue. It's specific. You have a device which can do one thing, and to make it do something else, you need to take it apart and reassemble it in another configuration.
Analogue computing is not what will create AI, not on its own. I think it will be part of that solution, but it won't be the soul component.
So, you might ask what will be that soul component, what computational technology will let us create a sentient AI -- what will allow us to play god in that way?
Frankly, I'm not an oracle. I can't predict which one of the dozen different technologies being worked on as we speak will be the main component of a future AI, if any of them end up being that technology.
But I do know this:
Nature created us. Humanity. It gave us consciousness, it gave us sapience -- and it likely gave some other animals that trait, too.
And frankly? I believe that if nature did it with no guiding hand or intention, humanity can do it with intent in an order of magnitude less time.
If we were forced to make a bet on which technology creates AI first, we would bet on lab-grown neurons interfacing with electrodes. Does that count as artificial intelligence? In the strictest sense, I think it would. It's certainly artificial, and it would certainly be an intelligence. And I think that it would have the best chance of making a sentient AI in our lifetime, or shortly thereafter.
And now it's tangent time.
I know where the arguments about this kind of thing come from, and I know that if this post breaks containment we're going to have people from a dozen different communities all throwing different points at us as to why we're wrong. I'm going to address at least one or two of them here.
One of the things we've seen thrown around about this is that under capitalism, there is no profit incentive to create a sentient AI, and that if people claimed they had created one, they would likely be lying, or have some ulterior motive for why they claimed so.
That is correct! You're fucking right! There is no reason for sentient AI to be made under capitalism! That does not mean it isn't possible for it to be made under capitalism! Or in a post capitalist world!
Just because capitalism doesn't create optimal or semi-optimal conditions for something to be created doesn't mean that it won't be created anyway. Humans are curious and motivated and even in a system which actively hates technological progress which can't be monetized, it can still happen. That doesn't mean it will happen, but that also doesn't mean it can't happen.
Yes, machines and people are fundamentally different things. Creating a sentient AI is playing god. Creating a sentient AI is creating a living thing.
The morals of this are questionable. I can see the argument behind why we shouldn't try to create sentient AI. I can see the argument why we shouldn't create artificial life.
But I really hate the narrative that doing it is impossible. That it is beyond technology, or beyond human reach.
There are some science fiction concepts which are likely impossible. FTL travel and time travel, for example.
But this absolutely isn't one of them. The universe created life without intent and without a guidebook. The universe created sentience without intent, and without a guidebook.
Humanity has a blueprint, and humanity has intent.
Nature did it first. We can do it too. Should we? I don't know. But the fact that we can is important to recognize.
Alright, that's about all we've got. I hope the rant was coherent enough to be understood, and that we were persuasive. Good luck and good tidings, even if you disagree with us.
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shimmershy · 10 months
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Buttercups and Golden Flowers
#i drew this mostly because i noticed that a lot of people mistake buttercups and golden flowers as being the same thing.#so i wanted to try drawing them like. distinctly different in the same image.#it's not a big thing but i do think the fact that they're different has some significance. or at least like. symbolic meaning.#my art#undertale#chara#chara dreemurr#safeutdr#something about the fact that they both look similar at least in color but one of them is poisonous.#the way golden flowers are clearly a positive symbol throughout the game and clearly heavily associated with Chara.#contrasted with the very negative connotations buttercups have. with asgore getting sick and chara using them in their plan.#you never see buttercups in the game. which makes it even easier to mistake the two. because we've only seen one kind of#golden/yellow flower. who's to say 'golden flowers' aren't just referring to buttercups? well.#why would there be golden flower tea if they were poisonous? why would chara want to see the golden flowers from their village if they're#the same kind of flower? they clearly have buttercups in the underground.#it feels almost intentional the way golden flowers are so easily mistaken for buttercups. or at least that the difference is so subtle.#it goes well with the way they're associated so strongly with chara who's also a very subtle yet important part of the narrative.#from a surface-level perspective the flowers that took their life and the one's they actually like/are important to them are the same thing#but when you pay closer attention to the narrative you can see the different symbolic meanings.#well. uhh I've thought about it too much don't mind me.#see i think about it from the perspective of chara being super adamant about them being two different flowers#and frustrated when anybody gets it wrong. because clearly. CLEARLY they're not the same.#'STOP confusing buttercups and golden flowers. i literally used buttercups to kill myself do you think i would still like them after that?'#'do you think i want to be associated with them? they're not the same!!'#<number one golden flower enjoyer number one buttercup hater.#i need a badge that says 'i have strong opinions about chara dreemurr because i kin them. i apologize for the wall of text' at this rate.
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fortheloveofexy · 3 months
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I've seen a lot of posts in the wake of tsc calling out how the Foxes mistreated Kevin and never really gave him the same degree of compassion and patience that they gave Neil (and like, fair enough, there's definitely a disparity in how the two are treated by the broader team) but I think it's important to remember that it's very likely most of the Foxes didn't know just how bad things in the Nest were, especially when Kevin first came to Palmetto.
Like, they knew he'd been hurt badly, but were they ever told the full extent of the abuse in thr Nest? Probably not, because unlike Jean, Kevin was media trained. It was ingrained habit for him to conceal the true conditions inside the Nest to all outsiders, and that's not a habit he'd have been able to break easily. The only people who knew the full extent of what he'd been through were probably Wymack, Bee and Andrew.
Add to that Kevin's abrasive personality and his tendency towards nitpicking and perfectionism, and it's no wonder that the Foxes' patience with him ran thin after a while.
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chickpea0 · 5 months
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Do you guys ever think about historical age regression? And no I don't mean in fiction I mean like how there's so many people that regressed. What was it like? Do you wonder if there was a regressor and their caregiver who lived in the 60s? Did any adults or teens in the early 1900s wish they had a rocking horse every time they saw one in a shop window? What about even further, in the 1800s? The 1600s even. Older?
We're not alone, maybe modern day is during a time where regression is more present because it's a perfect amount of certain factors, sure but it's not like someone in 2014 just decided to! I think it's really facinating and intimate to imagine all these people throughout the years going through what we go through. And I bet a good lot of them lived happily. And maybe quite a few found a good support system.
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that1notetaker · 5 months
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Chapter 3 title of Silver & Blue is SAGE ADVICE: MEETING PEOPLE ALONE IN THE WOODS IS AWESOME. A co-written story (@imdeadtiredtm Hi :3) in which Hiccup thinks he's getting stalked and Jack Frost thinks this random civilian really shouldnt be walking around in the middle of nowhere at 3am. Aka; Friendship is magic, Mrs Bennett considers witchcraft as a part-time job, and Lakes are weird.
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usercelestial · 2 months
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tbh i think a lot of the people saying "well both sides are wrong"/"bt stans are just as toxic" are just not exposed to other perspectives in this fandom. as a buddie fan who's been watching this show since s1, i can safely say that buddie fans have always been toxic. like as fact. to me, to say that bucktommy fans are just as harmful or just as annoying or just as bad as buddies consistently are is just. delusional. indicative of at worst a biased opinion and at best an uninformed one. buddie has been here since s2 and fans have ruthless ever since. bucktommy has been here for 3/4 of a season and for the most part, stay in their lane. i'm sure there are bucktommy fans who suck, like that's just being on the internet, but you have to be blind to ignore how insane buddie fans are and genuinely how much worse they are in comparison.
i don't want to generalize and i think constantly adding that disclaimer is annoying as hell bc obviously i'm not talking about everyone but because buddie has been here for so long and taken up so much mental space of very die-hard, passionate fans, you're going to see much more intensity on that side. after season 5, i had to step away from the fandom and the show because of how frustrating it got. it was annoying to see people swear up and down buddie will be canon by the end of s3-no wait s4-no wait s5-no wait- and ultimately it sucked my enjoyment out of a show i otherwise enjoyed because i got swept up in the Buddie Of It All and forget about why i watch the show to begin with. we've been left to stew in our theories and now we can't tell what canon and what's fanon anymore, and when the show reminds us, the disappointment and frustration kills our hopes.
i was also active in the dan and phil fandom and supernatural fandom, like ik why people think we're annoying and it's because we are. we make everything about the one thing we like, we comment on every post begging for it to become canon, we're violently disappointed when the show doesn't play into our fan theories because we've convinced ourselves buddie is going to happen by the end of the next episode or actually the end of this season or actually maybe the end of the next season. we've torn a part every female love interest, either making them boring or making them unlikeable in our fanon. all that to say is that when people call us annoying, they're telling the truth and when bucktommy fans say buddie fans are toxic, they're coming from a sincere place. i mean we can't even enjoy our own ship because we're so quick to get our hopes up and be let down about something as stupid it becoming canon. who cares if it becomes canon, just like it to like it.
and it makes sense why there's perceived "toxicity" on the bucktommy side. our energy is being matched; the obsession, the passion, the surge in fandom. if you don't like it or even just find it annoying, i suggest you guys look back on your own posts and comments and behaviors towards other people in the fandom and other characters and unbiasedly compare it to the Toxic Bucktommy Shippers you're claiming you hate. if bucktommy fans are obsessive, it's because we've set the stage for that. if bucktommy fans are getting aggro and defensive, it's because buddie fans have been on the opposition and don't know how to turn it off. we've gone from underdog to bully somewhere in the last 6 seasons.
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Idea but when semi reformed!sg earthspark Optimus wants something he has a habit of sitting/standing semi close to someone and just looming instead of asking like a well adjusted adult.
"Optimus, is there something you want?"
"No"
"Are you sure?"
"..."
"Do you want a sip of my sweetened energon?"
"...yes."
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mamawasatesttube · 17 days
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why am i sick Again. why does this keep happening to me :(
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uncanny-tranny · 9 months
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There's something so insane to me about being able to create and recreate vintage or even ancient music, clothes, fabrics, building architecture, anything, really.
I watched this video about a lady who knit a WWII-era vest, and it was really unique, because the cable work would eat up yarn, when there were shortages of fibers. This pattern would have likely been used by people to send overseas to soldiers, and now it's being created in a time where this war has been over for generations. What were the people making this pattern thinking of? What about the people making the vest? Could they fathom a world where world wars didn't happen back to back? Could they imagine what peace felt like, or did it fade like a distant memory, a faint friend? All we have now are the remnants of their efforts, a "simple" vest that would warm the bodies of countless people the knitter would never have imagined were here on earth with them.
We're reaching across time to learn about other people - we're reaching our hands out just to grasp anything tangible. And when we've take hold of something, all we can do is say I love you I love you I love you
#positivity#art#i also come across this absolutely stunning woman who collects vintage pieces from the '50s and it's just. it's mind boggling#or how we've found ancient sheet music and have recreated its contents#do you ever think about how we're time travelers#do you ever think about what might be recreated of us in the future#this isn't about nostalgia baiting but about how we learn and process the ways that people in the past lived#you don't have to feel nostalgic for WWII to be intrigued by this (it would be very concerning if one WAS nostalgic for WWII)#i just. i die a little inside because i know i will never know everything...#...i will never know every lottle thing about people in the past especially...#...and i am never completely satisfied because only a very selective amount of things are preserved and remembered...#...i wonder then what 'forgotten' people thought and felt and how they lived...#...especially as individuals or as a small clan of family and friends. i want to know them intomately - as if i myself have become emeshed..#...does this make sense. i don't just want to know about nobles and kings and the wealthy...#...i want to know what the lacemaker for a king felt making lace for the royals...#...i want to know what the rice field worker thought about when the fields were flooded and they swatted a bug away from their skin...#...i want to know what a mother of a small child thought when churning butter - her baby cooing and making a mess...#...and it sucks sometimes to know that we're time travelers but in a very narrow sense. but i still love what we have got...#...don't get me wrong i love it. but i still grieve that we have lost a lot of history - a lot of people...#...or maybe we have only lost them in the sense that we just haven't located and found them *yet*#anyway i've watched that video multiple times now and i just go absolutely animalistic thinking about it#all of this is complex and i have Plenty of thoughts about that. but at least to me this is what i've seen a lot - a lot of love#and isn't studying this - recreating it and analyzing it - isn't that a form of love?#am i... a nosy person..........
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looking at the 13 era books and audios like do we have to do everything our fucking selves around here
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maburito · 5 months
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!!!!!!
This is!!! I don't know if i can say poetic but I'm!!!!! got so much thought about this scene alone!!!!
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musette22 · 10 months
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Hi friends, just a quick message about the Seb in The Apprentice situation. I've (understandably) been getting quite a few messages about it, most of them wondering why on earth Seb had to take this role, and also expressing concerns and hurt about the whole thing. I absolutely hear all of you, and really feel for those of you who are worried and upset. I am too, to some extent, but I know it's far worse for some of you who have been directly affected by this despicable man's actions and influence. I'm so sorry this is bringing back awful memories and emotions, and that it's tainting what should be your safe space and/or escape. That genuinely sucks, to put it mildly 😔
While I always try to make sure that this blog remains a positive and safe space as much as possible, this is something that I couldn't help but express my own concerns about as well. However, I have done that now, and I feel like for the moment, that's all the attention I want to devote to it. The more we talk about it, the more negativity it seems to garner, and that's doesn't feel beneficial to anything. So for the moment, I won't be replying to any more asks about this situation, at least not until we have more substantial information about the direction this movie is taking and what its goal is. I hope that's okay. Thank you for understanding, and I'm sending lots of love and hugs to everyone who needs it ❤️
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alternautxyz · 5 months
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uuhhh in other new that lmk s5 trailer dropped and people are very
mixed
for context the new season is being partly animated by wildbrain i think. flying bark is still working on the show but probably due to all the other projects they've been working on like the atla movie the animation is off.
its understandable that people are upset. lmk has some of the most consistently dynamic and lively animation ive ever seen, and going from that to ok animation kinda sucks. as a culmination of a lot of what the series has been building up to people were inevitably going to be disappointed
at the same time people shouldnt harass animators. like ever. no amount of trying to petition or anything will change the s5, people are just trying to do their job and theres no probably no major changing to the finished product by now. and theres still a lot of that lmk charm in there, and we haven't even seen the whole season yet to judge it. flying bark is still working on it, and even if the animation never reaches the peak of the old seasons it still has the same writers so at least the writing has the chance to live up old standards. idk though we'll just have to wait and see
#i do think they could have just delayed it after dealing with other projects but with the anniversary lego might have jsut forced them????#and with how the animation industry is i guess they didnt have a choice#tbh im still really sad about the downgrade but after rewatching the trailer a bit more its not that bad despite the tweening#we've been spoiled with the other seasons but i think people will get used to it at some point. maybe#though i cant forgive some of the new stuff like li jing and that dragon tiger duo they do not fit the artstyle at all#though for li jing i think the problem is mostly proportions and how small his eyes look#but the dragon and tigers snouts just look bad.#ok looking at it again i think it looks weird because theyre dissolving. the design's still off but it wasn't as bad as i first thought.#but the proportions and shapes feels like it just isn't from lmk#idk i could nitpick but negativity is tiring and these guys have big shoes to fill for a show they werent prepared for it was inevitable#for any last takeaways please do not be mean to the animators#also studio changes are normal so its not some horrible injustice or the sign of the end times im more upset lego didn't handle it better#i still hope s5 is good and i want to believe it'll still be satisfying by the end the plot so far sounds pretty interesting#or atleast that the atla movie is good enough to compensate#and if im feeling greedy there will be a 6th season that gets better#and there are still good shots throughout all of this so maybe it'll work out with the season as a whole#with how popular it is in china i dont think its out of the question#idk though a lot of information is still up in the air so i guess we just wait#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#alttalks
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elloras · 1 year
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do you ever just get emotional about how much brett and phil love each other
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floralovebot · 22 days
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okayokay here are my Thoughts that no one asked for aljgdh
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i LOVE bloom's boots and her wings!! the hair will definitely grow on me. i don't like her outfit though. i do see what they're going for! it's very reminiscent of her og magic winx and one of the earlier promo designs we saw but to me, this doesn't feel very,,, bloom. it's so sharp, there are so many angles and layers (which feels like the Theme rn for most of them). IF they're going for more of a dragon warrior vibe for her then i can def see it, but the stiff fabric just isn't doing it for me. i do like the shoulder guard look though! idk there are aspects i like and i can see the vision, but i'm hoping the final design is a bit more refined and feels more like Bloom
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like i said before, aisha's design feels very one-note compared to the other girls and i think it's because she's basically wearing one color. i love that they put her in blue!! but i hope they introduce a secondary color like her og green or yellow/purple to help balance her out. as for the actual outfit, love the boots! it feels more believix to me but i concede that this transformation is meant to feel more modern so i'll deal. the actual outfit,,, not the Best. the cuts are interesting, there's a lot of symmetry which is weird to see on aisha since most of her transformations before were very asymmetrical. i'd love to see more flowy fabric with her! the little hip things just aren't doing it for me. i like her wings! but they do look a little too similar to bloom's for them to really stand out. i love the gold on them though!! AND HER HAIR >>>>> best part!!
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LOVE musa's hair!! it's so cute i'm crying :') i feel like the hair is definitely a strong point of these designs!! i think the wings will grow on me once i see them in action. right now they feel a little awkward but i see the vision. i think so far musa's whole design is looking really good. Very similar to her og winx with just enough of a new change to not feel exactly the same. and her boots!!! LOVE seeing that more edgy side of musa reflected in her clothing! idk i think this is one of the stronger designs good for her!!
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we didn't get to see the bottom half of stella's look so i'm not sure what that's going to be like! i love the sun ray collar but i will say it def feels more Fairy Warrior so,, i like it but i would want to see that reflected in the actual fighting and plot too. if it's not then it's not the Best design choice imo. her wings,,, like musa, i think they'll grow on me once i see them in action. it's lovely to see blue on her! not sure how i feel about the hair but since stella's ponytail is in her casual look instead, i understand why they didn't put it here too. i'm looking forward to seeing more of this design!
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we also didn't get to see the lower half of tec's design so,, idk but i think it'll end up being pants going by the look of her boots? i don't Love the boots, but again, i see the vision and i do think it'll look better animated. her wings,, i like them but i would've liked to see a more interesting overall shape! the design on the inside is great, but tecna's wings were always sooo interesting and didn't feel like generic fairy wing shape. idk,,, we will see.... LOVE the hair, love the glowiness. it's like a solid 6/10 for me. i think there are certain things they could still play around with to enhance the design but it's going in the right direction
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okay,, first, LOVE the braid!! she's finally beating the "never changes her hair" allegations good for her. and the little flowers in her hair are MWAH the wings are cute! they look good with the design. love the petals on the top! it def blends more and isn't as overwhelming as the previous design. the flower arm bands are also a classic. the skirt is really where it loses me. i like it In Theory - i understand the goal. it's very flowery, very much like petals, it reminds me a lot of a tulip. so i get it! However, the layers,,, idk man it just looks off to me
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it Def looks better in action! it's not as stiff, the edges are going up, there's an overall more graceful, flowy vibe to it. but the layers,,,, i Get it but i don't love the execution. but to fair, i don't really know what would make it look better so maybe this is the best they could come up with
OVERALL, i do think it's going in the right direction in regard to pleasing old fans and appealing to newer, younger audiences! i do think a lot of the fabric looks really stiff rn But seeing flora's animated transformation is giving me hope that it will look better in the actual show. the 3D rendering just looks off when it's a standalone piece. so far, i think the best designs are musa's and flora's. they feel a lot more balanced, capture the winx vibe, And still feel true to the characters. imo the other designs are missing one or two of those elements.
bloom's design needs to feel more like bloom. aisha's needs more dimension. stella's is nice in theory but doesn't quite match her more carefree, fun-loving attitude and feels more like a Royal Warrior thing so it really depends on how she's being characterized i guess. tecna's is good but i want to see the whole thing lol also i think her wings should be more unique
Now. as for the casuals.
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tecna looks great i think we can all agree on that!! very boss babe i love it!! aisha,,, i think her pants should be baggier. the tight fit and hip cuts just,,, i see the vision but i think they need to reel it in and make it more Aisha. stella's skin is way too light she looks sick. her outfit,,, Bad. her entire design just feels so pale and desaturated?? like just up the saturation on everything and it'll look ten times better even with the wacky outfit choice.
musa's is okay. i get the vibes - i understand the choices. but like aisha, i think her design could just use a little more thought. it's similar to her og outfit but kind of in the wrong way imo? like it has the same sort of look and cuts, but it's also tight and uncomfortable. musa's og look was very much about comfort over fashion so this feels a little,, hhhrrrrmmmm yknow? i do like the direction though! i think for me, it really is the top part. like why is she wearing a skin tight bodysuit. who told her that was comfortable for day to day wear. it's very much aesthetic over comfort which isn't Bad but it doesn't feel very s1 Musa yknow? she loved her baggy, comfy clothing for normal days
flora's is okay too. again, i like the direction. i don't love it as her Official One Casual Look for the season; i think i would've preferred it as a secondary look for one episode. but it's not the worst! it Is very flora so i concede lol
#long post#oh my#i think rn tecna and flora are tied for best overall looks for both#musa is a VERY close second/third. i just think her casual needs to be reassessed#the others just need to feel more like themselves for me to like it#clearly they are capable of that because Look at musa's and flora's transformations yknow?#i feel like theyre trying to keep stella being the fashionista but theyre also basing their knowledge on like#currently outdated tiktok trends#fashion trends are moving Really fast rn!! it's better to stick to a specific vibe for characters and not try to make it Too Modern#they will end up looking outdated lol#like the other girls kind of have those vibes but there's a lot more individual personality and hints of their og designs#that's Kind of there with stella like she has certainly worn dresses with that kind of fit before#but the entire thing as a whole just does Not feel stella#same with her transformation actually like i Get it but it's not Stella#at least not in s1 yknow? it feels a little too mature man we've been through a lot for a s1 transformation#same with bloom's! like it's Okay but it doesn't feel like a first transformation for a young fairy#and listen i dont hate the idea of their looks being more armor-like But that needs to be reflected in the fights and vibe of the show#AAGGGHHH idk maybe ill change my mind about bloom and stella's transformations once we see them animated#so many thoughts..#im gonna wait to speak on bloom's casual until we get a more clear shot of her!#But from what i could see it looks good lol very s1 bloom
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chiimeramanticore · 6 days
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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