#we've got this but for the love of god don't shove your emotions down

[sonofapunk]

I definitely agree with all the posts about not despairing, and using your anger to fuel your motivation to participate in community change, but it's not even been a full day yet. It's okay to be sad or angry or scared without instantly having plans for the future. Let yourself mourn for a bit; you can't pour from an empty cup. That work that we have to do will benefit from us being more emotionally equipped to handle it. I understand that we most certainly should not let our despair keep us from doing what we can to help make things better, but it's still important to remember that sometimes a processing, emotional, or resting state is part of the cycle of action, and it cannot be neglected

[skyeslittlecorner]

Asmo's Selfie Reflections

First I'll have a little cry about the fact that there are no comics in the new cards. We've been robbed. Best part of the cards, along with the stories, is gone…

At least the prologue, with the presence of the kings and their right hands, was simply wonderful (Bael and his instant killing spree when he saw Beel <33)

I waited so long for Asmo that when he showed up it seemed unreal. He got everything. Most of my favorite physical features - checked. Glimmers of depth in behavior - checked. Being a dark and shady bitch - checked.

Plus, it's my personal thing, but seeing that nearly all my headcanons and assumptions for him matched reality made me squeal like a little girl.

Finally.

It doesn't surprise me at all that one of the the most powerful weapons of Hell is not so much physical, but mental force. Feelings that neither devils nor angels can resist. Love and desire have long been portrayed as some of the most powerful things, I have come across Greek motifs quite often, where the most powerful yet hidden gods were Eros or Aphrodite. As long as the spirit wants to fight, the body will follow, but without the spirit, what is left?

Especially since his order turns off your brain and tells you to follow, no matter how absurd it may be.

Asmo and his mind-fucks can help his own as well as his enemies. Especially since it seems that devils are quite traumatized after meeting him, and if they don't, they are locked up in Abbadon.

Although, it seems that he can control his abilities perfectly. He was able to blend in with the crowd and no one knew who he was.

Ahem I just have to stare at him every five seconds. My equivalent of breathing. And speaking of breathing…

*Grabs bottle of sanitizer and a mask* My dear, I know your (not)bathing routine and I still have pandemic supplies with me.

I love that the kings cover the entire spectrum of their specialties, especially the extremes. Satan is the avatar of anger, but he can keep his cool like no other when he needs to. Mammon is the avatar of greed, yet he is the most generous of demons. You get the idea. Same here, Asmo is both the lust and the love, the ultimate playboy and a loving husband.

And not only that, but complete lack of emotions and cold calculation too.

Oh yes, one of your sons is pretty famous, Vox Akuma as i heard. I really confused them when I saw Asmo for the first time-

Knowing how dark the rest of this is, I'm afraid of what you mean.

What follows is pure madness, and not really in a positive sense. Real madness and exhaustion. I had high hopes that he would take away any senses and twist in every direction, but he does it in such a beautiful way. And what's better, he loses himself too.

I only remember Satan, who at the end of Ch1 gave in to his anger so much that he almost killed Sitri and Ppyong. Asmo seems similar to me, completely lost in lust - only for a long time, without Mammon to calm him down, and without any scruples or limiting his power. If that's the case, then the devils of Abbadon must be damn strong. Crazy, but strong.

It's hard for me to describe anything after that, because it's hard for me to put six days into just a few words??? Literally. I have no idea how to describe it. I've read it a good few (a dozen) times and my brain turns off and goes into fangirl mode instead.

He seems as sweet as he is cold… which intrigues me even more, because so far he gives me the impression of a third party. He is not with the angels, and he is with the rest of the demons because it pays off for him.

At least one thing doesn't change.

Everyone loves to piss off Satan <3

I know that was a very polite analysis. That's not how I planned it, but just, just want to shove my phone into each of your hands and tell you to read it yourself because it's indescribable 😭

I already love this guy, and if he wants to sacrifice me in some twisted way, I'll even pour oil on myself to make the flames smell nice. Am I crazy? Yes. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not. Abbadon, here I come.

[valley-of-headcanons]

bachelorettes reacting to you getting hurt || headcanons

these bachelorettes vowed to stay with you, in sickness and in health! part two here!

warnings: you get hurt (obv) by: the mines, ocean, farming, tree, electrocution, and animals. if you're scared of that, don't read this :)

requested by: anon! thank you so much for the request! oh how i love comfort fics <3 it was kinda hard trying to figure out unique things that would hurt the farmer so pardon the slightly goofy scenarios 💀 had to screenshot anon message because tumblr hates my guts and won't let me post. anyway, hope you enjoy! :)

abigail

• You told Abigail you were heading to the mines, and it was rather late. She was worried, but she knew you'd be fine. You've done it several times, what would make this time different? Well, seeing as you didn't have enough food to keep your energy and help up ... uh oh. You weren't doing well, pretty beat up at this point. Tons of scratches and more blood than there really should be …

• Once it hit 2 AM, Abigail couldn't rest anymore. She was worried sick about you. Yes, you both were adventurous spirits, but everyone has their limits. So, Abigail got ready to head into the mines to find you. She descended through the floors, searching for you while slicing the monsters. She was more scared than she'd like to admit, and it was evident on her face.

• Once she found you passed out cold on a relatively low floor, she freaked the fuck out. She eventually got you to wake up through enough pushing and shoving. You looked to see your frantic lover's face for only a moment before she pulled you into a deep hug. She wasn't one to be emotional, she didn't like talking about that stuff, but when it came to you ... she loved you too much to hide it.

• “God- you had me worried sick! It's three in the morning- and you were- you were knocked unconscious and ... I was worried I lost you ... you can't do that to me, you had me so worried, I ... God, I sound like my dad ... just- please. Be more careful. I was worried I ... I was worried I didn't have the power to wake you up. Or ... anything did. I'm just glad you're awake, now let's get to Harvey's ASAP.”

• Abigail hurried with you to Harvey's, trying her hardest to stay calm with deep breaths. Despite the blood that was pouring on her clothes, her shaking hands, and her worries ... she stayed externally calm for you. She got you to Harvey's in no time, and he stitched you up with some warnings. Abigail made sure you stuck to them. Yes, she encourages rebellion, but not when it comes to health.

emily

• You decided to do some late night fishing. You had made kind of a big purchase today, so you needed to make up for it with some fish sales. Emily knew where you'd be, down by the beach. You go fishing all the time, it's not like this time would be very different. But when you hadn't come home, and the clock is striking 2 AM ... something was fishy.

• Emily made her way toward the beach, her intuition telling her something was wrong. Something didn't seem right in the slightest. But, she tried to keep her cool, as nothing that bad could've happened, right ...? She's one of the most calm and collected bachelorettes, despite her eccentric nature. She's truly the most emotionally mature. So ... why was she so nervous?

• When she saw you face down in the sand, it all clicked. She raced over to you, taking off her shoes and slinging them across the sand so she could get to you faster. She turned you over, trying to get you to respond. Worry laced her expression, trying to think of what to do. She had to learn CPR to work at the Saloon, so she decided to try it. She's out of practice, but ... when your eyes popped open, coughing up sea water and sand, everything seemed to be remotely okay.

• “Jeez- you had me worried for a second there! We've gotta get you to Harvey's tonight, you crashed out. I should've told you that something didn't feel right about fishing tonight, but I thought it'd be okay ... that's behind us. Right now, we've gotta get you back to health! Let's get to Harvey's. I'll be your crutch, 'kay?”

• As she helped you to Harvey's, she was a bit nervous but she knew you'd be fine. You were in good hands, and no matter what, something like this couldn't take you down. So, after getting to Harvey's, she sat by your side and held your hand as Harvey checked everything out. She trusted that fate knew what it was doing, and it did. She knew something this simple couldn't take you down.

haley

• Bright and early, you needed to do some work on the farm. Haley had opted to stay in the bed, claiming to need her beauty rest. Even though she didn't need it, you let her rest. You didn't need your partner sitting on the porch for you to do farmwork! It's not like you were a toddler who needed to be supervised, right? ... right?

• Haley woke up about an hour or two after you had, fixing herself some morning tea and admiring the scenery. She gazed out the window, looking at the beautiful life you two had created together. She was really proud of you, and the life you provided for her, even though she didn't say it nearly enough. She was shook from those thoughts when she noticed that you weren't tending to the farm like you normally were. You were laying in it. Not moving.

• Essentially launching herself out of the cabin in a robe, she ran to your side. Haley was screaming and panicking, dragging you out of the crops and sitting by your side. She shook you, trying her hardest to get you to wake up. She didn't know what was happening. Heat stroke? An undisclosed illness she didn't know you had? But then she noticed the already forming bump on your forehead ... you hit yourself in the head with your hoe? Really? Once your eyes began to open, she hugged you really tight before letting you have it.

• “Babe! How did you hurt yourself with a hoe?! You've got to be more careful! You're so- ... you're so stupid. I love you, you've gotta take better care for yourself! What if I hadn't seen you and you suffocated or something! I can't be around all the time! ... let's get you to Harvey's to get you checked out, dummy ... no, I'm not mad. My nerves are just super heightened now ... you know I worry about you, right?”

• Haley took you to Harvey's hoping that you hadn't done significant brain damage. When she knew that you were fine, she apologized for freaking out and giving you a kiss on the cheek. She'd still tease you about it, but she didn't raise any more hell. She was genuinely worried about you, and she doesn't respond to stress well.

leah

• Leah was hard at work on a sculpture, chipping away at the driftwood on the table in front of her. You wanted to do something nice for her: cut down a tree and give her the wood for her projects. She gives you so many things, so it's time you give her something in return! So, you set out on this journey, unbeknownst to Leah. She started to get a bit worried when you hadn't been around in a while, though …

• She had gotten so sucked into her work, she didn't realize that you had been gone for so long. It was getting pretty late, where could you be? She racked her brain for answers as she stood, calling out your name. She looked across the farm, not seeing you. Her last resort was to head into town, but she needed to drop by her old cabin for some materials. So, she headed through Cindersap Forest. She didn't expect to see you, helpless under a cut down tree.

• Leah's heart raced as she called your name, rushing by your side. Her first course of action was to pull the tree off of you, huffing and puffing but eventually getting it off of you. She looked over your body, seeing that you were mostly unharmed aside from maybe a broken leg. The tree must've hit you on the head on the way down. She dragged you to Harvey's without waking you up, she knew that this was probably dire. You woke up to Leah sitting beside you in the hospital.

• “Hey love, you scared me there ... I was worried I had lost you. What happened? ... ah, I see. Please, be more careful. I can lend you a book on how to more carefully cut trees? ... I love you. I don't say it nearly enough, even though I think I say it all the time. Please get some rest and get healed up, Harvey's gonna take care of you. No, don't apologize, you're fine hon.”

• After Harvey put your broken leg into a cast and explained how to properly take care of it, you looked over to Leah. She smiled at you softly, holding your hand. You knew that you were in safe hands with her. She was going to make sure you were taken care of, whether you liked it or not. She wasn't going to rest until she knew you were better.

maru

• Maru was working on a big project and needed some batteries. You were happy to provide! The lightning rods on your farm were the best way to go about it. Finally, you woke up to a rainy day! Maru was already hard at work in the home, so you went out to do your chores. Batteries were ready! You just had to grab them, and- pzzzt!

• She was very sucked into her work, not noticing that you had been gone for a remarkable amount of time. About midday, Maru got up to get herself a drink of water. She started to wonder about how you were doing and where you had gone, so she decided to step out into the rain to look for you. She didn't expect to find you laying in the dirt beside the lightning rods.

• Maru rushed over to you, pulling you away from the lightning rods and looking over your body. You were breathing, but you were definitely out. She tried to wake you up, but nothing. This was out of her nursing expertise, so she dragged you to Harvey's, slowly but surely. She got you there shortly, letting Harvey take care of you and helping him to the best of her ability. When you woke up, she was right by your side.

• “Hey hon, did you get electrocuted? ... yeah, I got you to Harvey's. Yes, you're fine, I assume you hit your head hard on the fall down. Is there anything else that feels odd? ... yes, you have a minor concussion, but I'll be home to help you out. You worry me, farmer ... I love you, though. You keep life interesting.”

• Maru followed Harvey's orders exactly, making sure you were on the way to recovery. She kept you fed and medicated for your pains. Taking care of someone is not something Maru normally does, despite her being a nurse. But she knows what to do and tries her hardest, giving you small little kisses in between your requests. She shows her love for you by doing everything you need.

penny

• You were going about, doing your daily chores while Penny was out with Jas and Vincent. This was the usual, despite your married life. You were working with the animals, as per usual. Tending to the cows and chickens was a daily chore, but it wasn't too bad! But sometimes, accidents happen. Sometimes you get accidentally kicked pretty hard by your cows. Y'know, it happens, right?

• Penny made her way home after working with the kids, waltzing into the cabin with a spring in her step. She didn't see you out on the farm, so she assumed you'd be home. She was surprised to see you not in the cabin, so she glanced back outside. She tilted her head, wondering where you could be. Well, in the meantime, she could go say hi to the cows! She loves the animals on the farm, and she can't wait to see them. She didn't expect to see you knocked out against the wall of the barn …

• Fight or flight mode kicked in on Penny. She stared at you for a moment, analyzing your breathing. You were alive, probably not too badly hurt, but definitely passed out. She shook off the panic, trying her hardest to push through despite the tears pricking at her eyes. She tried to shake you awake, but nothing. She knew she couldn't get you to Harvey's by herself ... so, she had to bring Harvey to you! She ran at full speed down to Harvey's, begging him to come visit the farm for you. She brought him to you, and he checked up on you in the barn. Penny sat right by your side as you woke up.

• “Love, I'm so glad you're awake! You had me so worried, I didn't know what had happened! I-I ... God, I'm so glad you're okay ... did one of the cows hit you, or something? ... hmm, I didn't expect that, that's really weird ... but, I will be right by your side until you feel better! Harvey said you had a broken rib, so I'll be taking care of everything that I can for you! ... just rest up for me, okay?”

• Penny stayed by your side for your entire recovery, helping you with anything you could ever need. You're so important to her, and it shows through every action. She would drop on her hands and knees for you if you asked. She cares so much for you, and she wouldn't dare put you in any discomfort! Penny is an incredibly devout wife.

[this-place-was-never-mine]

the killer in me resents the coward in you

standing on the cliffside looking over my shoulder

watching as we broke apart like a boulder

smashing into pieces at sunrise

there's a life changing view in front of me

unfortunately, it's a sight i can't stand to see

my feet rooted in the ground

mud surrounding me so i'm bound i can't move from this spot

your last breaths of clean air began my rot

who are we today? who am i to say?

what does it make me if i stay?

i think it might always be this way

i witnessed the decay of our commitments the way i watched him slowly slip into death

quietly and then all at once he turned into a bed of emptiness and dust

our bodies lay intertwined,

me over here, you on that side

sworn into the same club

i destroyed the evidence and crumpled up the paystub

i don't think you even apologized for this position that you've put me in

my resentment has long materialized

and now, i know there's no win w

ere you ever intuitive enough to know?

did you ever care enough to show?

our love has been compromised and you've left me bleeding and petrified

who am i without me?

who are you without me?

it's a future i can't unsee

the visions of me being free

unshackle me from your chains

stop saying my name in vain

unburden me from your lies

plug your ears so you can't hear my never-ending sighs

my coat violently flaps on the waves of the wind

my eyes strain from the vastness of it all

for i know it's my greatest sin

to say any of this under the cover of nightfall

safe and secure right here all alone

though the rocks tumble down the hill and onto my very path

god knows i can't go home

there's nothing left in the aftermath

do you think about the mess we're in?

do you stand cliffside, too, overcome with emotion?

do you understand that neither of us can win?

don't you get angry knowing this is where we've already been?

i don't want to play the blame game

but it isn't me who stopped being honest

it isn't me who broke the promise

but i can't say that wholeheartedly, because you've remained the same

looking in front of me, i see it there

what lies ahead if i jump

if i dare

needing to get over this fear and swallow this lump

i can do it, i know i can, i swear

please, give me a little shove, a little bump

'brave' isn't a word i'd use to describe myself

but i can admit that i'm someone who needs help

help knowing when to walk,

when to run help understanding when to talk,

when it's finally done

i hear words from songs i love

then i hear how they play in my head now

blind, soul-rotting anger is not something i'm above

but i'm still trying to figure out

how we got here somehow

the killer in me resents the coward in you

the killer in me resents the coward in you

your selfish love's the only lie i believe in

your selfish love's the only lie i believe in

**these last four lines are a play on the Smashing Pumpkins "Disarm" and "hoax" by Taylor Swift**

[sparksflamesembersashes]

Another thing about the Caryl situ.... What if, in fact, Melissa just got fed up with Caryl? What if Carol Peletier is Melissa McBride's "Misery"? Maybe the character she'd created had become the only thing she was judged by, and she just got tired of it. Not to mention, Melissa seems like a kind hearted and gentle soul IRL, and all the abuse, vitriol, and anger on the Twitter hellscape and elsewhere may have taken a psychological toll on her. Maybe the viciousness (mostly from antis, but not all) had been ripping her up inside for years and she just wanted to walk away from it. Maybe to her, Caryl is the monster they created and she just wanted it dead. You can't blame her. It's no wonder she all but left the social media platform years ago. She obviously hasn't cared to engage with fans on that level for a long time, and having read some of the hateful things people say to or about her or her character, I get it. She's only human, after all. And people get SO emotional about their ships! The pressure must have been insurmountable at times. Maybe she had to walk just to preserve her own sanity. We don't know, and we'll probably never know, because Melissa's personal life and her personal decisions are none of our business, and she is an intensely private person. Can you imagine how she feels if, in fact, this was entirely HER decision and HER choice, and we're all making it sound like she got screwed over by the network and her co-star? How absolutely mortifying would that be? I'm just saying what if... I am inclined to think she got shoved aside, but we just don't know. And if we're wrong, we're not helping her in rising up and protesting the cancellation of the spin-off... we're just prolonging her agony. No one wants to let people down, and the pain and sorrow from the fandom could be crushing her.

As for Norman, yes, he is an entitled male celebrity and he's had that status for a long time. But listen, the guy is engaged, he has a toddler with his fiancee (who is also a hot property in her own right), and who among us wouldn't throw almost everything else to the four winds to spend more time with the people we love and cherish the most? One thing the COVID pandemic has left in its aftermath is a new appreciation for the stuff that's most important in the world. Norman had mentioned in an interview that he'd been working almost constantly for 10 years, and when everybody went into lockdown, I think he discovered the meaning of true family time. Not to mention the risk of death can lead you to re-evaluate your life in general. So if he jettisoned everything to spend more time with Diane and his daughter, I can be pissed at him for doing it, but I can't really judge him over it. I don't have that kind of love in my life, but I imagine if I did, I'd do just about anything to hold onto it as long as possible. Are we really gonna gut the man over choosing his real life family over a fictitious one? I want to (you have no idea), but I won't. Because I get it.

So I'm just sad and grieving, and at first I wanted to protest and deny this new reality, and now I'm just accepting it. Because we will never know why it happened and maybe we shouldn't. And we don't truly know if anyone was cheated out of anything (except us Caryl shippers, of course). At the end of the day, Melissa and Norman are individual human beings with their own lives, and expecting them to bend to the will of a segment of their fans (no matter how large) to compromise their own life goals (and maybe their mental health) in order to maintain fictional characters we've invested way too much of our own time in is, IMO, unrealistic, and more than a little selfish. Maybe that's not the reality, but maybe it is. You know the saying, truth is stranger than fiction. We don't know all the truths here, only bits and pieces that we'll still speculate on for months to come.

I am a Caryl shipper. God help me. And if you accuse me of not shipping Carol, or not stanning Melissa, I will fight your ass to my last breath. But enough is enough. The shit I've seen on Twitter gets worse every day, and people behave so badly when they can hide behind a pseudonym on social media. There's no way to know if I'm hurting or helping by participating. Absent further factual enlightenment, I'm taking the path of least resistance and having a seat on the sidelines. The truth always eventually comes out, but I'm not going to feed any more fires until I know what the truth actually is. And that could take a while... if it happens at all.

I have given so much of my heart and my love to Caryl, and it's been more beautiful and rewarding at times than I could have imagined, but now I'm going to focus that love and my heart on real people, in the real world. Maybe that's exactly what Melissa and Norman have chosen to do. We just don't know. Caryl on, but keep it in perspective. Life is shorter than you think. Make it count.

[strawhatsweets]

the blood on our hands

bakugou x gn!reader

aged up!

cw: a n g s t as hell. comfort. cursing, mentions of drinking, smoking, etc. alluding to depression and anxiety. dealing with trauma of missions and losing people. a ton of mentions of blood

this is a heavy topic in the hero universe i imagine- and generally in the mental health world of it all.

lyrics are from purple flowers by ande estrella which hold a very important meaning that has nothing to do with this- they just worked with the story. But fr go listen to it bc its so good.

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in! Requests are open!!

------------------------------------------------

reality is heavy and loud

Spacing out was more than being distracted to Y/n. Being a young hero meant stressful situations, overbearing management, tight spaces, stuffy meetings, and so much... blood. It takes a toll on a young person. Of course they wanted to be a hero- wouldn't chose anything else. They grin and bear this shit for a reason- to save and help people.

But god, who saves the heros?

but white has the privilege of washing machines to wash out the stains from their comfortable jeans

Some nights, after wrap-up meetings, everything was a bit too heavy. The usual group of friends and young heroes would choose someone's house to go to in order to destress.

For some, that was smoking. For some, it was drinking, video games, napping, venting, sitting outside alone yet with company. And for some it was merely listening to everyone else.

Not having to make a decision. Not having to be responsible. That's what y/n picked every time.

Bakugou would always notice them alone in the corner of the room. They were the one to come up with destress gatherings after hard missions. Bakugou knew it was so they wouldn't be alone with their thoughts. That's why he would always step in at times like as get them to talk, so those thoughts dont stay trapped in their head.

"Hey." Bakugou muttered, sitting on the floor next to y/n in Denkis apartment.

"Hey."

"You good, dude?" Bakugou asked with genuine concern.

He was always a bit nicer to Y/n. Nobody knew why, yet everyone knew why. They both were fragile and chose to hide it during the day, being strong around others to not raise red flags.

"I'm okay...just. That one was bad. I almost lost that kid. Like she almost fucking- died in my arms." Y/n choked out.

"Hey hey hey, its okay. You got her to the ambulance in time. You did that shit. You always do. You're the best in the game at comforting little twerps." Bakugou attempted to comfort them- somewhat succeeding and holding their head against his chest.

One time, Y/n mentioned that they held kids against their chest during rescues to calm their heartbeat. "If you listen to a calmer heartbeat, you're more likely to try to match it and slow your own down." Of course you wouldn't think Y/n would be able to have a calm heartbeat during a rescue, but they are very talented at controlling their nerves. Part of being a hero.

wiping the blood off their hands to their thighs, wearing the blood of the people who've died

Y/n subconsciously calmed down a bit, Bakugou's ability to remember every word that drips off of Y/n's lips paying off.

"I know. I just can't stop...thinking about everyone I've- we've lost. Its so unfair."

"I know. Hey, you have- uh. Lets go to the bathroom." Bakugou noticed a smudge of blood on Y/n's face and a bit on their hands. Cleaning up was the last thing on their mind earlier on.

"Ok."

Taking each other's hands, they walked into the bathroom. Bakugou sat Y/n on the counter, turning on the sink and grabbing a cloth.

"O-oh god. Thats fucking blood. I thought I washed my h-hands." Y/n began panicking, causing Bakugou to put their hands under the water with soap, washing it all off for them.

Tears mixed with the water from the sink and Bakugou stayed silent. Wiping their face, Bakugou looked into Y/n's eyes. These two have just always known.

They know what people can hide. What secret messages the body language of a person can hold. And he let them grip onto the back of his shirt as he held them in his arms, Y/n not being able to cry anymore and just breathing in his scent from his shoulder.

but dont let the purple flowers fool you

"Listen. We're going to get through this one. I know its hard on you- all of the families involved. But you- we saved them. We're all here for each other right? I'm here for you." Bakugou pulls Y/n back a little to look into their eyes. "You are the strongest one here. I know it fucking hurts. I know it is so...scary-" He sniffles a little, letting his own emotions take over. Something only he did when they were alone together. "- but we're heroes. And human. We are allowed to feel pain and sadness and disappointment- but we're heroes for a reason, right? We can handle this shit."

"I know we can. We always have. Just... promise you'll never leave me?"

"Youre so stupid. I've been more careful lately." He scoffs, wiping tears from his face. He of course knew that Y/n was referring to a few weeks ago when Bakugou got too caught up in the mission and was almost crushed by debris. He was pulled away in time by a fellow hero but it still opened his eyes, as well as Y/n, to how fragile they are, even if they are the heroes.

"I know Kats, but please. You're my rock in here. You're my person." Y/n says looking into his eyes.

"And you're my person. I can't leave you behind. You wouldn't know what to do without me here." Bakugou chuckles, earning a shove from Y/n.

"Katsuki." Y/n starts, holding his hands in their own.

"Yeah." He sighs.

"I don't speak lightly of feelings, you know that right?"

"Of course I know that. You don't talk much about those to anyone-"

"Except you." They interrupt Bakugou, reminding him of the importance of their unspoken bond and making his heart race.

"Yeah."

"Then you'll know how hard it is for me to say this. But- Katsuki I think I love you. I know we aren't super affectionate outside of being alone but- I've never felt what I feel with you before. I understand if you don't feel the same way and if this was all just because you felt bad but I needed to tell you that because you're really important and this is very import-"

Bakugou, in the most cliche turn of events, cuts Y/n off with a kiss to shut them up.

Pulling away, Bakugou rests his forehead on Y/n's .

"I love you too. I thought that was obvious when I never stopped you from saying my first name, idiot." He chuckles lightly.

"I kinda figured you at least liked me-"

"I'm going to keep you safe forever. That means physically and emotionally. No more hiding any feelings from me just because there are people around. Pull me aside. Hold me if you need or want to- I dont care if the whole world sees that. But just- fuck Y/n. I know you feel fragile. I know what it's like to be scared and hide it. I'm your diary now, ok? Always."

"Thank you...Katsuki. Fuck. You're everything I've ever needed. Plus youre kinda cute too I suppose." Y/n giggles.

"Oi fuck off." Bakugou kisses them again, relieved that he can finally be himself with Y/n, that he has them finally.

"I'm your diary too them, okay? I mean it. Anything, any time, say the word." Y/n says lightly, squeezing Bakugou's hand.

"Fuck. I love you."

"I love you too. I love how that sounds coming from you by the way."

"Me the fuck too-" Bakugou was interrupted by a loud yelling-

"I GOTTA PISSSSSS" followed by banging on the door.

"MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK SO FAST THEN LIGHT WEIGHT!" Bakugou responds, recognizing the voice of Denki.

"DONT MAKE FUN OF MEEEE I'LL LAUGH AND PEE MYSELF" Denki whined.

"Let's go, angel." Bakugou whispers into Y/n's hair, kissing them on the head and helping them off of the counter.

[bullyhunter--69]

"She's so sweet, really."

Pairing: Izuku x fem!reader

Summary: When you and Izuku started dating, you were as happy as could be. He was beyond sweet and caring, and helped you forget about the bad in your life. But after he introduces you to his mother, Inko, and you start to be a more frequent visitor at the Midoriya household, you realize it's starting to take a bigger affect on you than you thought it would. Why can't your mother be like that?

Tw: mentions of family issues/absent family/family death, bottling up emotions and eventually breaking, a stressed Izuku, ends with soft fluff

A/N: This turned out so much longer and more angsty than planned but I'm really proud of it, tell me what you guys think! 🖤 (This is also my first ever angst written so--)

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Today was a beautiful fall day. Colorful leaves fell around you, the sky was tinged with a deep orange, and the soft grass beneath you made your time all the more comfy. You were snuggled next to Izuku beneath a huge tree on campus, who was currently going on and on about his latest quirk findings. The goal you guys originally had set was to review for the upcoming test, but the topic quickly shifted to Izukus day once your fingers intertwined with his and you inquired about it.

"-and so then once I asked Mr. Aizawa about it I found that- Hey.. are you okay (Y/N)?" You really were listening, but had found that you zoned out. Izukus concerned, soft voice brought you back to reality, and a small smile crawled it's way onto your features. "Yeah 'zuku, I'm all good.. I just was thinking about some stuff and was focusing on your voice. It always helps." You ended your reply with a squeeze of his hand, which all together resulted in his face blooming into a shade of deep red.

"Well, uh.. T-thank you, I'm happy to help!" He stuttered out as he felt butterflies all throughout his body. "Oh, also!" Izuku started, turning his body to face you more, holding your hands in his lap with a nervous look in his eyes. "(Y/N), I was wondering.. we've been together for a bit now and I.. I want my mom to meet you."

As soon as the word 'mom' reached your ears, you tensed up. It was always a sensitive topic, even if it wasn't your parental relationships in question. You knew Izuku had noticed, as the hold on your hands got tighter. "I understand if you're scared or nervous but I know She's gonna love you! She already says you're really pretty and smart just basing off what I've shown her.. she really is looking forward to it, and we don't have to stay long if you don't want to." The gentle rub of his thumb on the back of your hand and the puppy dog eyes was enough to soothe your nerves. If Izuku talked so highly of you to her, and if she was anything like him at all, you figured it wouldn't be that bad to meet her. She would be your mother-in-law someday, so you might as well get it out of the way now and not later.

When the day finally came, you were beyond nervous. The thought of meeting Izuku's mother and her not liking you made a wave of sickness and dread fill every inch of your body. Whether it was a friend, or a boyfriend, meeting mothers always gave you a bad taste in your mouth. It brought back all the feelings that you tried desperately to hide away and fight daily.

See, you were almost fully open with Izuku, but there was one thing he didn't know. Your family, to put it bluntly, was shit. Your mother always belittled you for every single little action you ever made and everything about you. Nothing was ever good enough. As a small child, it was always under-the-table, backhanded compliments with passive aggressive undertones, but after the passing of your father, it turned into raw, brutal words. She was never proud, and never actually loved you, she just used your desire to be a good daughter against you. It was cold, hard, manipulative behavior which resulted in you finally refusing to talk to her after you got accepted into U.A. The mental gymnastics you had to go through to hide all of this, especially from Izuku, was taking a toll on you. You never talked of family and never left the dorms, and had an.. unusual amount of luggage stored away in your room. It seemed like you packed your entire life up in a suitcase and ran.

Which is essentially what you did.

As bad as it sounds, you never planned on telling your love any of this. You just needed to forget all of the childhood trauma you were put through and focus on showing your mother she was wrong. Everything she said about your quirk being useless, to you being intolerable and a bad daughter, would be proved wrong. But, the biggest thing you planned to show her? Is that your father would be proud. She always used him against you, and you'd be damned if you wouldn't prove that point the most ridiculous of them all.

A soft knocking on your dorm brought you out of your deep thoughts, and your gaze slid to the door. Your hands shot to your face and you quickly dried your tears. "O-one second, I'm still changing!" You knew in the pit of your gut that it was Izuku coming to pick you up, and your thoughts were confirmed when you heard him on the other side of your locked door. "Alrighty baby, take your time!" God, he sounded so sweet.. this was hell keeping from him, but it kept him from worrying.

The night went on so much better than expected, and it genuinely surprised you. You had never met a woman as sweet as Inko was. She cooked your favorite food and had your favorite drinks, and even baked you your favorite dessert. She asked about how you were doing in school and once the topic of your quirk was brought up, she was beyond ecstatic to hear you talk about it. She even added on how she felt it would be useful in battle. The night was amazing. Nothing felt real, it all was like the fantasies you made up while lying in bed at 4am sobbing, so sleep deprived you almost can't move to get ready for your class that starts in just a few hours. It's what you've always wanted in a mom-- a beautiful, sweet woman who cares.

Why can't your mother be like that?

As the weeks went on and Izuku kept inviting you over for weekly dinner and game nights with him and Inko, you found it harder and harder to conceal exactly how much your mental health was struggling. Yes, you absolutely adored both your loving boyfriend and his equally loving mother, but it was just so fucking.. hard. Every smile she gave you, the loving, motherly twinkle in her eyes when she talked to Izuku, the amazing dinners, the endless support for both of you, the pictures she insisted on taking of you and Izuku-- it was all too much. You started to dwell on this every single night, and resent yourself for how much anger and jealousy you felt. This wasn't right, but you couldn't help it. It wasn't your fault that your mother hated you for every fiber of your being and Izuku had the best mother imaginable. He was your boyfriend, you should be happy.. right?

You didn't realize how hard you had been sobbing until there was a hushed yet firm knock on your dorm door. The tears that blurred your vision made it even harder to read the clock on your nightstand through the pitch black room you sat in, huddle up in a pile of blankets, All Might plushies and Izuku's hoodies.

9:54 p.m.

The pain that was radiating through your torso from the wreck you had become from however long you had actually been crying was torture. It felt like needles were being shoved into your lungs and your heart was being squeezed in a vice grip. Breathing felt impossible. Your throat was raw. But the thing that hurt the absolute worst, out of everything?

"(Y/N)? Baby, please let me in.." Little Izuku's voice sounded like the biggest bomb going off, the jiggle of your door knob making emergency alarms go off in your head. There wasn't any possible way to get out of this, and this might just be your biggest fear. Facing those soft emerald eyes and that sweet smile that has been open and honest with you over the entirety of your entire relationship, and even before. Telling the love of your life all the trauma you've endured, and then willingly decided to hide from him. No.. it's the disappointment that you're positive will shine through his features that's truly your biggest fear.

You don't know how long he had been listening, but one second was more than enough for you to know Izuku wasn't going to leave. He loved you endlessly and never left without making sure you had a smile on your face. So, with limbs that felt like cement, eyes that felt as if you were crying spikes, and an aching heart, you got up and made your way to unlock the door. It took a minute-- your hold on the cold knob firm and extremely hesitant.

3... 2.. 1.

Finally, Izuku had enough room to gently push your door open, and his breath was taken away when he saw you as the golden light from the dormitory hallway illuminated your entirely wrecked appearance.

Bloodshot eyes, make up filled tears streaming down both checks, snot dripping down to you mouth. The cuffs of his hoodie that covered your shaking body were soaked in black, wet mascara. Your hair was messy and tangled. You were.. broken.

After taking in every little detail of your appearance, a struggled gasp last your body when his arms were suddenly around you. The touch of his warmth around you was electrifying, and instantly brought you to your knees. As Izuku shut and locked the door behind him, still holding you in his strong arms, he sighed softly. "What's wrong?"

These are some of the only words that you really didn't want to come out of his mouth. They stung and tore through your heart like the sharpest of blades. They made you regret not opening up sooner, his tone overflowing with worry, fear, and dread. You knew not to make eye contact, but you couldn't even if you wanted to. Once those words entered your ears, soft and delicate as if you would shatter into a million pieces if he spoke too hard, another strangled sob was unleashed out of what felt to be your core.

"S-she's just so sweet.." Your voice, although strained and crackling, came out with an emotion Izuku had never heard from you before. A mixture of jealousy, rage, disappointment, and disgust is all he could pick out, but it sounded like something was hidden beneath it all. Something that you didn't know how to express, so emotions just came seeping out of you in the easiest way.

Picking you up was an easy task, as your body had long ago given up the fight to stay standing. The sweet boy made his way to your bed and sat with you cradled to his chest, your nose tucking away in the crook of his neck instantly to breath in his scent. It calmed you-- he calmed you, but you couldn't help but to shamefully pull your head away and look across the room.

"(Y/N), you have to tell me more. Who is 'she'? I want to help you.." His voice still held a delicate tone, his fingers combing through your hair with one hand and the other still holding you tightly. After what seemed like forever of Izuku just holding you and letting you cry every single ounce of emotion you held in your body out, your sobs slowly came to a stop and you took a soft, shaking sigh.

It was time to come clean.

"'Z-zuku, I'm sorry.." You started, slowly and steadily while trying to steady your breath further. The gentle back rubs from his warm hands helped sooth you, and gave you the strength to continue.

"I haven't been exactly.. truthful with you." As you took a second to find your words and sniffle, you could sense Izuku tilt his head to the side curiously. "You always ask if I'm okay-- if I'm happy-- and I always say that I am. I love you so incredibly much and you do make me feel happy and safe and welcomed and-" Your ramble was cut off with a kiss to your temple, which was a silent signal of Izukus trust and time.

"Because of how incredibly happy you make me, I dont want you thinking that this is your fault at all. Its mine.. I shut you out and bottled myself up when I should have just told you in the first place. I just.. don't know how to say it other than to say it outright."

Your shakey tone made Izukus heart race even more. He was staying calm and supportive on the outside but on the inside, he was a wreck. He was currently going over every single one of his actions, words, and notes that made what you and him were-- absolutely scraping the bottom of the barrel for anything and everything he could have done wrong. That stuff, though, was shoved deep so he could help you, because that was what was important right now.

"I don't.. Izuku, I love you and I love your mother so incredibly much. I feel at home with you guys but it's just so hard. Seeing how sweet and caring she is, how She's invested in both of our lives, how she.. s-she said she loved me.." You body was quickly starting to shake again, so Izuku pulled you in closer. "Why can't my mother be like that?"

There it was. It finally clicked in Izuku's mind. Everytime you avoided the topic of family, how you never had pictures with them, how you never had a place to go to during break, how every day after spending time with him and Inko you seemed drained the next morning as if you had stayed up all night.. it clicked as to what might be wrong, and his suspicions were confirmed when you continued.

"M-my mother hates me and she has my entire life. I have never received an ounce of love or respect from that filthy woman and it's always on my mind. Her degradation and her mocking laugh and her hideous presence. She used my dead fucking dad against me to make me feel like I'd never make it in this world and I just-- I-I want to escape the horrible memories but I can't. I just want a mother like yours.. it's what I've always wanted and I don't understand why I had to be the one stuck with a dead dad and a mockery of a mother. Seeing how absolutely amazing your mom is fills me with love and happiness and a sense of home I've never gotten before but at the end of the day, it just reminds me of how shitty my life was up until I got to U.A. I don't have a mom. I don't have a home. And its not fair that I'm upset over the fact that you having those things happens to remind me of that. I'm sorry."

Izuku was speechless. His comforting ministrations had stopped and he just looked at you. Even with the pitch black void that was your room, his emerald eyes shined bright.. and brimmed with tears.

"I.. I had no idea, baby, I'm so sorry.." Izuku was choosing his words incredibly carefully. He held nothing against you, nor was he upset or disappointed at you. He was a person that could put himself in someone else's shoes very easily and see through their eyes, and your emotional monologue was enough to paint your story for him. He just wanted to comfort you and show you everything was okay.

"I don't want you to be sorry, there isn't any need for you to be. You can't help what your mother put you through, and how horribly unfair to you that it was. Nobody can control how others actions affect them-- it's just how humans are.." Strong arms turned your body to face him, your limbs wrapped around his torso and your cheeks gently held in his hands. As tears streamed down his cheeks, he stared deep into your eyes. "You're so strong and beautiful, and I understand as much as I can. I love you so much.. Baby, to hell with her. I know it's hard, but she doesn't have to mean anything to you anymore. Me and you, and mom, can be our own family. We're your home now.."

A sob managed to choke it's way out of your throat, but this one was different. Your head fell into Izukus neck and you held him as tight as you possibly could, soaking his chest with more snot and tears. His arms held you back just as tightly as he peppered soft butterfly kisses along your hairline. This is how you stayed for the rest of the night until you calmed down and passed out on his firm build. Laying back softly, Izuku tucked you both in and kept his tight hold on you.

"Goodnight, love.. You're home."

[ladyfeldspar]

21x02: Put It Down

I've wanted to do a watch/writeup of this episode for a while now. Tweek has been my favorite character since Gnomes aired, when I was still in elementary school and secretly watching South Park with my dad at night. Craig, while I enjoyed him as a character before, absolutely won my heart in the Pandemics and gets third favorite. (My second favorite is Clyde but that doesn't matter right now.)

And when I got into SP fanfiction, and discovered that Creek was a thing, I hopped right on that train and have never looked back. Tweek x Craig made my life when I first saw it and this episode... Well, you'll see.

Disclaimer: I have A LOT of feelings about this episode. Sorry not sorry about how long this is.

"...a performance by one of our students who has written a song..." Raise your hand if the first time you watched, you also figured it was Cartman, the most musical one of the kids.

Raise your other hand if you also got unreasonably excited when it was Tweek.

Tweek "playing" piano is both exactly what I would have expected, and nothing at all what I expected.

I really, really just want to give this poor kid a hug, Jesus Christ.

Everyone just looks so shocked, but I feel like Kyle and Stan might actually care?

"He's your boyfriend, dude." Ugh, my HEART. They are legit and adorable and that's not the last time I'm going to say that.

Shut up, Cartman. I mean it's great you don't care if someone's gay or straight or whatever but shut the hell up.

Tweek being scared of his locker slamming, oh my gosh.

Okay. Jesus Christ. This. We've known Craig for almost 21 seasons at this point and he has been incredibly well-established as not caring about a whole hell of a lot. So when he comes up to Tweek actively trying to help him and chill him out it melts my icy heart SO MUCH more than a cool island song ever could.

I generally hate the terms "babe" and "honey" (I'm honestly just not one for pet names) but Craig calling Tweek those things is fucking adorable.

Side thought: I want another episode just about the two of them, and I want Tweek to be wearing Craig's hat.

"Cuuupcaaaaakes!?" Kills me every time.

Heidi is too sweet for Cartman.

Stan you're such a douche but I love you anyway.

Tweek's cupcakes are frosted 1000% better than mine ever are.

But his kitchen looks just like mine after a day of baking.

Fuck you Garrison for ruining Tweek's happy little moment. He deserves all the happiness in the world.

Craig just calmly walking into the kitchen, like, was he there the whole time? Just hanging out letting Tweek do what he had to do and destroy the kitchen? More proof that they're legit - find me anyone else that Craig has supported this much.

Like he went out and bought Tweek a fidget spinner how fucking cute is that?!

Okay. "Go ahead and bomb us, Kim Jong Dong," also makes me laugh for like twenty minutes.

Why is this song so catchy?! Why are Cartman's songs always so fucking catchy?? Like Minorities which I constantly have to stop myself from absentmindedly singing in public.

Logic!Cartman is remarkably inclusive.

Mic drop.

Poor Tweek, like Jesus, his dad is infuriating and so stupid. Not Randy level stupid but like, quit shoving a fidget spinner in your kid's face and actually talk to him for Christ's sake.

But I mean, this is also the parent who pointed a gun at Tweek's head while teaching him how to avoid being abducted, so I don't know what I expect of him honestly.

That poor kid getting run over. And yet it's that part of the story that pushes this episode into feeling like a older episode and is half the reason I love it so much. There's a really good point to be made, but the constant killing of kids by distracted drivers gives it the fucked up South Park edge.

I love PC Principal in this episode too, and how he just doesn't really care what the hell Cartman wants.

Open door, turn on light, close door. "Waaaaaagghhhh!" "Hey, Tweek."

You have to wonder how often this has happened. And AGAIN, more proof that Craig really legitimately cares about Tweek. Imagine if anyone else woke Craig up like this. I really don't think he'd be so calm.

But it's Tweek, so he just yawns and deals with it because that's what you do when you care about someone.

Also, Craig sleeps with his hat on and that's adorable.

I love how they edited Tweek's picture into real photos.

I feel so bad for Craig here. And through most of the episode actually. He's doing all he knows to do, because this is the kind of stuff that helps him. He's really trying, and Tweek's just wired differently.

And he has a stuffed astronaut monkey, because long live Spaceman Craig.

Again, shut up Cartman.

He brought him to an AMUSEMENT PARK, Craig has pink cotton candy, and they're holding hands. It's this kind of stuff that makes my brain explode from cuteness.

"THE FERRIS WHEEL!!!"

Of all Tweek's twitch noises, I for some reason find the, "rrrrgh" he does on the Ferris Wheel one of the cutest ones.

This fight breaks my heart a little because again, Craig is trying. He has put so much effort into doing his best to help Tweek and finally, finally gets frustrated. It shows how much patience he has for Tweek that it took him so long to get to this point.

I just want to hug them both during this fight. God knows they need it. It's just such a realistic argument, ugh.

And then this moment. This moment where everything clicks, both for us (the parallels of Logic!Cartman/logical Craig vs emotional kids needing to grieve/emotional Tweek needing to freak out) and for Craig, who finally realizes that everyone handles stress differently and you have to adapt to their coping mechanisms to be able to help them. And as soon as he puts that together, he's off to go find Tweek because he's worth it to him. And my heart melts again.

And he does so well, too, despite being completely out of his element. Their little smiles after Tweek calms down, Jesus Christ.

This song. THIS SONG. I don't know what it is about this song but it just hits me SO hard every time. Tweek actually being able to play the piano beautifully (I will argue that it's because Craig is there with him and that makes Tweek feel so much better), CRAIG SINGING even though he clearly isn't the most comfortable with it and is obviously doing it for Tweek (ANOTHER point of proof for the realness of their relationship), the chorus, the Cartman rap (!!!!), the memorial of distracted driving victims (Kenny)...

And this moment, right here. When it goes back to the two of them there, and the spotlight focuses on them and they smile at each other, just oh my gosh. I get really weepy almost every time I watch this. They're adorable. They support each other. They're willing to grow and adapt for each other. They have a real connection with each other. They're happy together. Like look at Craig's smile. How can you not love that?!

Thanks for reading my rambling disjointed nonsense. This episode is always going to be one of my favorites. Tweek and Craig forever. The end. 💜

[joshua-flipping-washington]

EllieDina week: Day 1- Ache.

《 Okay! I decided very late to join in on the EllieDina week fun! I wanted so badly to write something for today's theme, because I had an idea I really wanted to use to go along with this edit.

I might still end up writing it later, and adding it to this post. But for now- Here's my post for the first day! It's totally terrible, hopefully the writing I add later will make up for it. 》

Ellie sat defeated in the water, crimson blood from her injuries surrounded her and clouded the waters surface. Her pulse roared and she could her the sound screaming in her ears, as she held her injured hand close.

She had let Abby and the boy go, maybe they would at least have some chance of surviving. It's what Joel would have wanted, right? For her to stop fighting so hard, blinded by revenge and seeing nothing but red.

She got up slowly, hissing in pain as her injuries disapproved of the jostling and twisting. " Fuck… " She muttered as she slowly made her way over to the other boat. Ellie attempted to climb in, but more so she just tumbled in.

She grabbed her backpack and started to mend what wounds that she could, her mind flashing back to the night she'd left the farm house. The night that she had left home, had left her family behind- All in the name of revenge, of not being able to let go.

< >

Ellie was crouched down in their small kitchen, shoving the last bit of supplies she'd need for her journey in her backpack. She closed her eyes slowly as she heard Dina come down the stairs, stopping at the threshold of the kitchen, staring right at her.

She speaks up slowly, her eyes lingering on the pack at Ellie's feet for a moment. Watching as Ellie slowly stands and turns towards her. " Hey. " Ellie answers her back in a tired, apprehensive tone. " Hey. "

Dina glances from Ellie, up towards the stairs and then back once more. " Man, it's been awhile since he's slept this long, huh? " She said, her mind pleading with her to do anything she can to get Ellie to come back upstairs with her.

Ellie gave a slow nod of her head as she answered. " He's had a day. " Dina could tell the gears were just churning in Ellie's head as she looked at her. " Yeah. He's fine. " She turned and gestured towards the stairs. " Come back to bed. " Dina said as she turned and started to move towards the stairs. " We can talk about it in the morning, okay? "

" I have to finish it. " Ellie spoke up and Dina froze for a moment,her heart dropping in her chest. She slowly turned around with an exhausted sigh, moving her hands to rest them on her hips. " You don't owe Tommy anything. "

Ellie let out a sigh of her own,she needed to finish this. " I don't sleep. I don't eat. I'm...I'm not like you, Dina. " She shook her head slowly, watching Dina.

Dina let her hands fall from her hips with an exasperated and shocked. " What? " Falling from her mouth before she continued to speak. " You think this is easy? " Dina slowly steps towards Ellie. " For you and for him, I deal with it. "

Ellie opened her mouth and began to speak, her gaze set on the ground. " I love you- " But is immediately cut off by Dina. Her voice is already thick with emotion. " Prove it. Stay. "

" I can't. " Ellie says as she raises her head, green eyes devoid of all the emotions she should have been feeling.

Dina throws her hands up in frustration, shaking her head slowly as she blinks. " So, what- I'm just supposed to sit here and wait for you. " She tosses her arms out to the side. " For God knows how long, just thinking your fucking dead the entire time? "

" I don't plan on dying. " Ellie sounded so sure of herself, so matter of fact. As if she was invincible. " Yeah, well neither did Jesse. Or Joel. " Dina said as the tears threatened to rise.

Ellie is silent for a moment, then she leans down and reaches for her pack. Dina rushes forward and places her hands on either side of Ellie's face. " Hey, stop- Hey. Come on. " She gently brushes her thumb over Ellie's cheek, her heart is hammering like mad in her chest. " We've got a family. She doesn't get to be more important than that."

As Dina stared at Ellie, looking at her face and into her eyes, she could tell as soon as she dropped her gaze that she wasn't getting through to her. " No… " She slowly lowered her hands and pulled away, a sob rising up from her chest as she turned away, tears streaming steadily down her face. " I'm not going to do this again. "

Ellie stood behind her in silence, knowing she should be fighting to stay. But she needed to end it, so she could eat and sleep again, so she could have a semi-normal life. " That's up to you. " She says before turning her back to Dina and walking out the door. The sound of her sobs the last thing she hears as she walks away.

< >

Ellie had finished fixing up what little she could of her wounds, sighing heavily. Her heart aching at the memory of the night she'd left Dina and JJ. " I should have fucking stayed… Dina, JJ- I'm so sorry. " She sniffed, cradling her shoddy patched up hand. She knew that she needed to head back home, there was nothing left for her here.

She made the long and exhausting trip back to Wyoming, only stopping when she needed to. Hoping that Dina would give her a second chance, would allow her to show that she did care.

It took several weeks, 330 hours of traveling to reach the small fenced in farm house. Ellie stood at the gate, pulling her backpack tighter on her shoulders. She opened the latch and stepped inside, slowly walking up to the house through the tall grass.

As she stared at it, the house no longer looked open and inviting. It looked empty and cold, there didn't seem to be any signs of life at all. Ellie sighed heavily and walked up to the tree where she'd carved all of their names, smiling fondly as she rubbed her finger over the rough carvings. Her heart ached as she thought about her family, but she knew she had to get them back. She didn't come all this way for nothing.

[neo-culture-mafia]

III.

(TW // MENTIONS OF DEATH)

Girl, I know you love me

Even though your parents

They don't fucking trust me

Typical story of good girl meets bad boy. You were working at an ice cream parlor when he walked in. You didn't know he would change your life forever.

He held so much command and power in his walk. His presence demanded respect. Yet, the rowdy group of boys he was with made him seem just a little more approachable.

"Hello, welcome to ___ ____ ice cream shoppe. What can we get started for you today?" Your coworker smiled, his gaze still stuck on you. Your body was situated behind your coworker and to the side where you were refilling some toppings. You tried to turn away and keep to yourself, but you felt his line of vision blow holes into your back.

"Can I please have 6 chocolate sundaes and 1 peach shaved ice?" His voice was like liquor. It was warm yet made you a little tipsy in the head.

"Of course, ₩19,500 please." His hand reached out. A black card being dangled in his fingertips. "We will get those out to you as quick as we can." She smiled as she returned his card.

The group sat down at a large table. The shoppe was still bare for a hot summer night. The quietness made it that more enjoyable.

You pretended to wipe down the corner as you couldn't help googly eyes toward the boy who sat at the head of the group's table. He seemed like a natural leader. He had taken his jean jacket off to reveal a cuffed T-shirt with tattoo ink spilling out of the sleeves.

A red and black dragon laid on his arm, snaking up his bicep as if it was trying to introduce and make itself known. A sinister smirk laid on the face of the Beast you were taught to fear.

You left the counter and went over to your working coworker. You hit her arms and she groaned looked over to you. "They're apart of Neo Culture." You babbled and she looked at you as if you had grown 15 heads. "No way-" "Look at his tattoo." You whined quietly and you watched the fear grow into her eyes slowly.

"Oh my God." Her figure became stiff and you just stood there, afraid of moving wrongly.

"If I have to tell you guys to shut up one more time, I'm putting you all in the car and driving all the way back home." The boy's voice boomed through the small space and made your coworker drop her metal scoop and grabbed you to shield her.

All eyes were on her and you. "You guys okay?" One of the shorter boys asked and you nodded quickly. "More than okay. Perfect, actually. Absolutely wonderful." You nodded and they chuckled to themselves.

"Pull yourself together woman!" You scolded as you hit her arms again.

"Get them their desserts. Just...be calm." You said and she got back to a steady pace of work.

It was like an instant and she had all of them done and ready to go out. "I'm not doing it. The one who goes closest is the one who gets killed first." She said shoving you toward the tray.

You just rolled your eyes and picked it up quickly.

You walked around the corner and all of their chattering abruptly stopped once you approached silently.

"wow you were quiet." The tattoo'ed boy said with a chuckle. "I get that alot actually." Your laugh came out a little rushed. "Who had the shaved ice?" You asked and the boy with a pink tinged head of hair raised his hand. You handed it to him and passed out all the ice cream.

You were walking back when you thought you were home free. "Miss. You dropped this." You turned around and were met face to face with Mr. Liquor himself.

His hand held a piece of paper and you took it kindly. "Thank you so much." You smiled and you both turned and separated.

You watched as he walked back and put his coat back on. "y/l/n is gonna come any second." Your last name falling off his lips so suddenly and smoothly.

Some of the boys groaned as they all got up. As if on que, your dad walks through the front door of the shoppe.

"I said don't come back here, Mark." His smile fell once he saw the tattoo'ed boy. "I was just treating my boys to a sweet surprise. Nothing more, y/l/n." He raised his hands in defense.

"Why did you serve them?!" Your dad's anger was now being pointed towards you.

"Hey. Leave her out of it. She didn't know who we were." Mark's voice became more elevated and commanding as your dad's face grew more red. The heavy feeling of doing something wrong growing in your chest.

"Don't tell me how to speak to my daughter." Your dad's finger pointing in Mark's face. "Daughter?" He asked as if it was surprise. "This makes it even better." A cocky smirk replacing his stone cold glare.

"I told you to stay out, you and your flea-ridden gang." You've never heard your father use such harsh words towards another human. Your dad stepping close to Mark and the rest of his group. Yet, Mark didn't back down as he handed his ice cream to his friend.

"I didn't bring trouble this time. We've been paying our dues for a while now-" "That doesn't mean shit. I told you and your leader that I didn't want anyone of you coming in and messing with me or my business...or family." Your dad said coming around the counter to the register.

"We get it. We'll leave." They were headed out the door, Mark trailing his group when your dad had another slick comment. "You and your Neo Culture rats need to know your place. Might as well sell his land to another group." He said and you thought you could hear the rubber of Mark's shoes screech on the concrete.

He turned around, his friends continuing without him. Your dad knew he fucked up as the door slammed and Mark locked it.

"Excuse me?" He asked, sauntering over to the counter. "Wanna run that by me again?" He asked, his fingers motioning your frozen father to repeat his last words.

Mark had the coldest glare that could make the devil run in fear. "Say it with your chest...or not at all." He growled and gave one last look to you; a softness becoming apparent in his stare.

He unlocked the door and walked across the street to an all black SUV. Getting in, he sped away with a look of hatred to the shoppe.

Your father gulped loudly, still frozen in fear and shock.

"Don't get wound up in mafia drama, girls. It'll only make you lose sleep and safety." He grabbed a pint of ice cream and retreated to the back room.

Your hands unfolded the piece of paper in your hands and was met with neat handwriting.

'hope to see you here more often ;) -mark'

You know you shouldn't love me

Sneaking around with Mark was hard. From having him spend the night at your house without your parents knowledge to you sneaking back in right before your mom called for breakfast.

Mark taught you how to feel new emotions. Like guilt...and lust...and love.

"You need to find someone else." His words were hesitant as your fingers traced over his dragon tattoo for what felt like the millionth time.

You sat up, his arm coming from around you to behind his head. You looked down at him, his figure laid on your bedding so nicely.

"What?" Your voice was laced with confusion. "You know you shouldn't love me, y/n." His hand came up to put a piece of hair behind your ear.

"But I do." Your voice was soft and silky. "That's not just going to change because you say so, Mark." you reasoned as you turned to sit facing him.

It was your turn to now play and move his black hair out of his face. "It needs to though." He sat up along with you.

"no." Firmness was your only option at this point. "What?" His dumbfounded expression had you rethinking your approach.

"why do you want me to find someone else?" The question was met with a surprisingly clear answer. "I don't deserve you. You can do way better than me." His words were soft yet held a powerful blow.

"I'm only going to get you hurt-" you broke off his rambling with a kiss. He didn't hesitate...telling you all you needed to know.

"I'm in this with you. Not just because I'm bored." You said, barely backing away. He nodded, his eyes still trained on your lips.

"And really? You really thought I would listen to you? Find someone better? You're ridiculous."

Looking for God,

Put you Down on your knees,

I'm all what you want...but not what you need

"For God's sake just kill me already!" You screamed at the men who had taken you away from your happiness. It had been 4 days of agonizing torture of your freedom being stripped away like it was nothing.

The tears had been never ending as they teased you with death. At this point, it looked like the freedom you were craving.

"Please." You begged but the small group could only laugh.

The concrete corner of the room had become home to your broken and tired body. "We're not going to be killing anyone." One of them spoke from the small table. "Well, not you atleast." He waved you off.

"Then who?! You fucking-" "your little boy toy." The tears had dried up to your core. "no." Disbelief had washed over your body.

"now we found what gets to her." the three of them congratulated themselves with another shot of liquor.

"he should be coming any minute now, actually." "and he's gonna beat all of your asses." And as if on que, mark along with a couple of his fellow associates walked into the big concrete room.

"Mark!" You screamed even though he could see you as soon as he walked through the old door. He could only smile very small. "Okay you can release her now. Tie him up." The 3 words sent you reeling back into the corner so they couldn't touch your restraints.

They pulled at your body but you kicked and bit, screaming bloody murder to have them not take the zip ties off.

Then it was all over. All the kicking and the grabbing. Mark.

His soothing presence had calmed you down so quickly. "Come on, you need to get out of here." He pulled at you carefully. "And then me and you can go be together." You stated but he never met you with the confirmation you were craving.

"You need to leave, y/n." He hugged you once the zip ties were off. Your arms held onto him as if he was a god himself.

"you're coming with me." you stated but you felt the shaking in his chest.

"leave. y/n." he ordered, grabbing your shoulders and shaking you into reality. His puffy and red eyes told you that you would be leaving alone.

"I am not leave-leaving. I'm not leaving without you, Mark." You grabbed him equally as hard.

"This is reality, y/n. Only one of us can leave alive. That was the deal." He grabbed your face. "All. Or none." You countered.

"They don't care about you-" "tick tock." They spoke. You saw the two other associates sitting on their knees. They were muttering to themselves. Absorbed in self-reflection and asking any higher being to forgive them before their confirmed fate.

"but I do. And I am making sure you are leaving here alive." He started pulling you up. "it's meaningless without you-" "not time to be poetic and shit, y/n." He started pushing and pulling at you but you wouldn't budge and started fighting against him.

"30 seconds and nobody is leaving alive." The man barked. Tears started to fall from Mark's eyes. "Please. My dying wish. Please. Leave." He begged, grabbing your hands and trying to pull.

"no. Mark." You started slapping his hands.

"15."

He just stopped and stared at you. "I told you, Mark." You said calmly, grabbing his face. "I'm here with you." You smiled very weakly.

"5."

"and I'll be with you forever." the next moments were as if you were looking at you both from an aerial view. you were ripped away from eachother and kicked down to your knees.

"face eachother." you both moved quickly to see eachother's tear streaked faces.

"any last words?" you heard the click and felt the cool metal on your head.

this was it.

you weren't going to get your paycheck this week.

you were never going to see the new action movie with mark like you had planned.

no more lasted night snacks turning into early morning breakfasts.

you wouldn't exist in the next 5 minutes.

but you were okay. you were getting your wish.

your last waking moments were looking into the beautiful eyes of your soulmate. you were already in heaven.

"I'm sorry...and I love you." He choked and the eyes were rolling from the captors.

"You?" You felt a nudge from the metal and you could only open and close your mouth like a fish out of water. "I love you too. Please wait for me on the other side."

He sighed, nodding lowly and grabbing the man's barrel. He repositioned it from the side of his head to his crown. "Please make it quick." Mark swallowed his pride, seeing you tremble in fear from your death wish being granted. You were fucking insane...but he was happy he wasn't dying alone.

"please let her go to a happy place." was his last wish.

"for all the brothers we lost along the way, and for the ones that will be lost because of these deaths. we pay respect to you."

You took a deep breath and clenched your teeth for impact...it was all cold.

~~

You woke up in a huff, grabbing the sheets next to you. It was bare...yet warm.

"Mark?" You called out roughly. The warm sun streamed through your window in long rays.

"Mark?!" You called louder, getting out of the warm sheets and running out of the familiar feeling bedroom.

There he was. In the kitchen, making breakfast. "Oh look at sleeping beauty." His crisp white tee shirt and unscathed face had you reeling in disbelief. "It felt so real." You choked quietly.

"huh?" He looked at you with a face that would usually send you laughing.

"it was a dream?" The question had him suddenly putting down the cooking utensil. He only stood infront of you and looked at your confused face in adoration.

"we're okay." his voice sounded strained. He grabbed your hand, swallowing the lump in his throat, he had the guts to look in your eyes.

"we turned out okay in the end."

[ma-gic-gay]

He'd always had the worst timing when it came to her.

In his defense, so had Sonny. Though, for them being together, those two had had good timing.

So timing was still just being a bitch. This time, though, it wasn't him in the shocked position. For once, he wasn't the one who was blindsided with something.

Well, not entirely anyways. He'd figured that Sam would run to Sonny, manipulating the situation, but he didn't think she'd get him here that fast. It was what, five minutes? He must've flown here or something, but that would've taken longer just to get through the flight frills. The only way for him to get there that quickly would be that he was nearby anyways, so there was a chance he heard a part of their fight. Realistically, Sam will be there as well, right behind the fuming mob boss.

Him and Carly had ended that kiss the second Sonny had announced his presence by loudly asking, "What the fuck?"

"I promise it's not what it looks like," Carly rushes out quickly, a blush overtaking her cheeks. Damn, she really isn't much of a liar anymore. Kinda sucks she lost that trait, though she's still one of the best liars he's ever met.

"What it looks like is that you were kissing someone else while we're married," Sonny says, voice scarily quiet. "How is that not what's happening here?"

"Alright, maybe it's a little bit what it looks like," she admits. "Actually, it's exactly what it looks like but I don't want you to be mad at him because it's a thing we both did and technically I kissed him first so it doesn't count as him doing anything. Well, maybe a little because he kissed me back, but it doesn't count as anything serious."

"Smooth," Jason mutters before looking at his boss who looks like he'll kill him right then and there without hesitation.

"I'm trying to save your ass here," she whispers back.

"And I'm trying to save your marriage!"

"You really think that's what's happening here? How- how is kissing her somehow saving my marriage, Jason? Please tell me, I'd be delighted to know," Sonny chuckles sarcastically. "Cause from where I'm standing, it seems like, if anything, you'd be the reason to end my marriage."

"He is not to blame," Carly exclaims again.

"I'm sorry, is this a thing about you two I just don't get?" Sonny asks mockingly, noting that she's mad. That's what he wants, her mad, as mad and hurt as he is.

"No," Jason says calmly. "It's not. That- this- that's the first time that happened."

"You two could've had a happily ever after decades ago," Sonny exclaims, "but you weren't. What, is this some nostalgia thing, huh? Now that he's single you suddenly can't keep your hands off of him?"

"That's enough, Sonny! In case you forget, you're the reason we didn't," Jason warns, voice not giving away emotion.

"She slept with me after she saw you and Eli-"

"After you told her I was dating Elizabeth? She was distraught that night, worried sick she'd lose me! You knew damn well that we weren't doing anything and that I didn't feel that way for Elizabeth but you didn't tell her that, no, you tell her I'm in love with someone who was a grieving friend! You knew what I felt for Carly and you still lied to her about what had happened, you. Not me, not her, you," Jason fires back angrily.

"That's got nothing to do with this! Last I checked, I wasn't the one who'd kissed a married woman," Sonny shouts.

"You're right, you tore my family away from me but you, somehow, are the victim," the morally grey assassin says, volume steady. "I forgave you for that a long time ago, but it still hurts to think about."

"And you kissed my wife!"

"I kissed him first!"

"He kissed back, and from where I was standing, he initiated the kiss!"

"The second one!" Carly exclaims.

There's a silent tension in the air between the two and Sonny when she admits that. "Second kiss? So you mean to tell me that he kissed you after you'd already kissed once?"

"That would be the meaning of second kiss, yes," Carly smirks slightly. "I kissed him first and he didn't register it until I'd pulled away so when he realized what was going on he kissed me back. We've kissed twice. Happy?"

"No, not really! I just found out my best friend and my wife have some unresolved feelings for each other!" Sonny snaps. "Things I thought had been gone for years are back and I don't know what to do about it because you're supposedly friends with me, supposedly my business partner! You helped me make this business from the start! I'm hurt that you did this, Carly, but especially that he kissed you back."

"I'm your friend," Jason attempts to defuse the situation, "but that doesn't mean I always have to do things you like."

"Things I like?" Sonny snarls. "I'd like it if you didn't have feelings for her!"

"So would I," Sam smiles, emerging from the hall, "I had my suspicions but you still shouldn't have been with me when you had feelings for her."

"I didn't know I did until maybe two days ago! I thought I was over that but clearly I'm not!" Jason glares.

"So did I. I mean, I figured I was taking this to the grave. Sonny's a good guy and I don't not love him," Carly says, confusing the hell out of everyone. "But it's friendly love more than it is romantic by now."

"So you stayed with me when you were in love with him?" Sonny asks, looking her dead in the eyes.

"Yes," the blonde quietly admits after a moment of uncomfortable silence. "Him and Sam were together and they'd worked so hard for that. They were happy, as far as I knew."

"You managed to hide what you feel for that long? That in and of itself is a miracle," Jason teases her slightly, but being pretty serious still. "But in all seriousness, that must've sucked for you. I know how little you enjoy hiding your feelings."

"Well, what I feel affects a lot of people."

"But I care what you feel, you know that," he smiles at her. "Don't hide it because of how it'll affect me."

"Well right now I feel like running for the hills," she smiles.

"I feel like knowing why you two are acting like this," Sonny joins in. "You should be feeling like shit right now and full of guilt over these kisses and feelings."

"Surprisingly, I don't. Honestly, I feel... Relieved. It's refreshing to have everything out in the open. We both know how we feel about each other and it's love. I don't think guilt would go along with this," Jason informs him calmly.

Sonny charges at him and shoves the surprised assassin against the wall. "Don't you ever say that again! You don't love my wife and she doesn't love you!"

"I do, Sonny! Stop this! You're an adult for god's sakes, so just discuss this rationally," Carly shouts.

A very emotionally conflicted Jason shoves Sonny off of him and walks back to where he was before, next to Carly. "I had no clue he would do this, did you?" She asks him as he shakes his head. "I knew he'd be pissed, but this is a new level of anger. I've never seen it from him."

Nodding, Jason agrees with her. "Yeah, I don't know what to do."

"I've got a suggestion," Sam interjects. "You don't fall in love with her!"

"That's not something you can help, genius," Carly snaps, "and even if it was, you aren't doing much to help calm him down so leave, buy something, or be helpful."

"I was trying to be!"

"By suggesting something you know to be impossible?" Jason quips.

"I'm coping too!" Sam weakly defends herself. "I love you still even though you don't love me anymore. Stop acting like you two are the victims!"

"We're not trying to but you need to stop acting like everything stops because you're mad," Carly explains as calmly as she can.

"Stop it! Jason, get the hell away from her," Sonny warns, "right now. You two aren't in love! You're, what's the word, projecting! Projecting your feelings for other people onto each other. Jason's for Sam and Carly's for me."

"Don't touch her," Jason warns, arm around Carly. "I know what I feel better than you. What reason does Carly have to project feelings?"

"I don't know! But you aren't her husband! So stay away from my wife," Sonny argues and a slightly scared Carly is grateful for the protection of her best friend. Especially at that moment, it comes in handy always.

"I'm not projecting or faking feelings! Sonny, go home!"

"Where Joss and Avery and Donna are? That's a great idea, they can see me like this!"

"That's never bothered you before."

"You've never cheated on me before."

"Get. Out."

"No," Sonny says, grasping for his wife's hand. "Let's go."

"She said leave, Sonny. Go." Jason advises.

"I'm not listening to you, you worthless traitor!"

"Don't call him either of those things! He's stuck by you and me through everything, Sonny, everything, and is the most loyal man I could ever know! Stop being pissed and throwing a fit and grow the hell up!" Carly snaps at her husband, grasping Jason's free hand in hers.

"C'mon, Sonny, let's go," Sam agrees, having seen enough.

To be continued

AHH

[fortheloveofkuroo]

𝑬𝒈𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒄

A really long angst with i think over 1500 words. GOD IM SO SORRY FOR MY BEST BOI. Tell me if you guys want more. Anyways it's f!reader ^^ Sorry for any typo or grammatical error <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♤♡♤~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"(Y/n)-senpai!" You turn your head to the source of the voice. Only to found a girl, shorter than yourself. Her blonde locks are tied neatly. She smile widely as your hand hugs her shoulder.

"Uwaah! That concert is really something! Still i can't believe that we got Shimizu to come with us though!" She said with fire in her eyes. You can't help to giggle. It's very rare seeing your junior on fire like this.

"What do you think of the concert, Shimizu?" The girl with raven hair only smiles. "It's great. I can feel the fire and so much passion that the band radiates." You nod. Agreed. The band did such a great job, and you know both of the girls are enjoying the concert tonight.

"Oh! Isn't that Hinata-kun?" You notices a boy with orange hair jumping around with a tall black haired boy.

"Oh and Kageyama too." Add Shimizu senpai. "We should say hi Yacchan, who knows the whole team is going?" Yachi immediately agrees and follow your step as you walk closer to the crowds of boys.

"Hey team!" You greets. There's almost a full team here if only Asahi and Yamaguchi are here. "Hey where's our ace and pinch servers?"

"Yamaguchi have some family stuff to do. And Asahi senpai is feeling under the weather." A tall blond boy suddenly speak up. You smiles to him. Tsukishima, the cold hearted and introverted boy who kind off dislike months ago you suddenly reply to your question. Is this some kind of progress?

"Thanks Tsukki!" He shrugs his shoulder. "So where are you guys going? Let's go together!" Offer Daichi as his hand gesture over the crowds that are going down. A big red gate that are surrounded with paper lantern and food stall. It's a summer festival!

You all enter the festival and your jaw cannot help but drop. It's been so long. You never went to any seasons festival anymore since elementary and it shows. Not surprisingly, the same happened to half the rest of the team. Even Kageyama.

"Wah look! grilled squid!" Yachi yelps happily. "Let's go Yachi-san!" Hinata shouted as he takes Yachi's hand and runs towards the festival.

You couldn't help to laugh. Their chemistry is so bright and funny. It's like they were made for each other. It's nice seeing your junior bonding so well with each other. Tsukishima even having a little chit chat with Kageyama and the others are just being so loud and cheerfull as usual.

Suddenly a touch on your shoulder snaps you out to reality. "You okay (Y/n)?" The captain feels a little worried about you because of the sudden quiet. You shook your head. Smiling, you reassured him. "Don't worry. I'm fine Daichi-san." Daichi huffed. Then nudge your arm playfully. "Come on drop the formalities. We've known each other for so long." It's true. You've been in the same neighbourhood with Daichi since you're elementary. You've know him longer than anybody else. Even Asahi and Sugawara knew you're important to Daichi.

"Hey can't do that in front of the team! I have to be good example to my junior y'know! And you're still my senpai too you or should i call you Onii-chan?" You laughs. "Geez we're only like 3 months apart (Y/n) I'm not that old!" Daichi chuckles, ruffling your (H/c) hair as you struggle to break free from his big hand destroying your hair. Suga, who's now witnessing everything only smiles playfully and signal the entire team to leave. Quietly.

He always knew. He always knew that Daichi is crushing on you. It shows so much that it annoys him. He really want to shove Daichi infront on you and yell at him to just confess already.

After several dad jokes and mini argument later you finally realized that you're alone. With Daichi.

"Eh? Where's the rest of the team?" You wonder. Looking around, hoping to see any familiar faces. While you're having a mini panick attack moment, Daichi takes a little time to visit a stall and comes back to you.

"Hey (Y/n)-chan." You face him, worried and anxiety clearly visible on your face. But after you see Daichi's gentle smile your heart calms over. And that suffix.

"Woah what's with the suffix suddenly? You never call me by -chan anymore since.." you stops. Remembering something.

"Here." His hand offers you a simple wooden box. At first you refuse. "What is this? My birthday is over a month ago and you already gave me a present right?" You wonder. Daichi grins and shrugs. "I think it might look pretty on you. Open it."

You smile softly to him. He's the sweetest isn't he? You slowly open the lid and inside, a necklace with a tiny lilac peony pendant decorated with beads and gems around it.

It's so shiny and pretty you gasped way to hard you almost drop it. It looks so expensive and you quickly close the lid and shove it back to Daichi. "I can't take this! This looks so expensive i... Cannot. I'm not worthy of this!" You grin, denying his present as polite as posible

But Daichi face is not showing any emotion unless a serious one. Untill it softens and hands over the box to you again. "I want you to have it (Y/n)-chan. And don't say you're not worthy. You are worthy. In fact.. I.. I want to tell you something." You can tell where this is going. He avoids your gaze, cheeks slightly flushed and his fidgety moves.

"Listen (Y/n), I-" "(Y/n)-chan?"

A voice. His voice. It's like a bell ringing trough your ear drums and hit your brain so hard it went down to your heart. It was so clear it hurts.

You turns over the direction where the voice is coming. You saw a tall figure. His hazel cat eyes like piercing the silence that you're having.

"Oh.. Hey." Daichi voice was so small. He barely even speak. Like whispering. That tall figure approach you and Daichi, without any doubts his huge warm hand wraps around your hand.

"What are guys doing here? it's already late. Let's go home. I don't like seeing my gilrfriend catch a cold~" He said with a grin to Daichi. Daichi froze. His eyes went wide. You have a boyfriend?

"God you're freezing." He immediately takes off his bright red jacket and place it over your shoulder. Making sure you're warm and nice. It is, you think. You never felt so warm and fuzzy. But the view infront of you is killing your inside. Daichi, looking so gloomy, dead inside and fake smiling while chatting with him. "Send my regards to other members, Captain!" Daichi only nods as you left your spot with this tall figure.

Before you leave, you turns back for one last time. "Wait! Daichi you have something to tell me right?" Daichi, who's about to leave the place freeze. He turns back and smiles bitterly. "It's nothing important (Y/n). Really, you should get going." Then he disappear to the crowds.

With his hand intertwined with yours, you walk back to your house with him.

There's no any sound or voice coming out while you two walks together. You don't want to start any convo either. Then he sighs and broke the silence. "I know you mad, but please hear me out." He stops walking and pull your closer to him. Stopping you from walking away from him.

"He was about to say something.. Important, Kuroo." You avert your gaze from his eyes. Avoiding any eye contact because once you locked on eyes with him you can never get off. Kuroo takes a deep breath and rubs his face harshly.

"You know what he's going to do right? He want to confess (Y/n). I know. I showed up at the wrong timing but i didn't mean it okay? I just simply went there and say hi because i saw you.. Not because i saw you're with him."

"How did you even get there anyway?" You're still not convinced.

"Lev drags us there. He never went to Festivals and really want to see one with his own eyes. I'm pretty beat today so i decided to went home early and boom i found you. And Daichi too behind the temple, in dark and surrounded with trees and bush." He simply answer.

Yeah, it seems pretty obvious now that he points all of that.

You can't help but to feel sorry and guilty. You leans on Kuroo's chest. "But i feel sorry for Daichi, Kuroo.." Kuroo's hand once again found his way to comfort you.

"I don't want to lose you (Y/n). You are so important to me.." His voice was vague. But somehow you can heard it clearly.

"What are you saying you dummy cat?" You pet the back of his head. Kuroo sighs seems at ease. Then he pulls off and stare right into your eyes.

His hazel eyes, glowing under the moonlight. Making them thousands far more majestic rather than the first time you met his gaze. His gaze is serious yet so loving at the same time.

"(Y/n), please allowed me to be selfish and make you mine once again. And of course i'm yours."

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

16 - Is This A Good Idea

This chapters songs:

These Days - The Wallows

Stay away (it's like that) - TV Girl

Verbatim - Mother Mother

- Y. L. Perspective

It was Monday once again, and I was sitting down at the freakishly clean lunch table, where I nervously waited for my friends' long-awaited responses. "So? Do you guys wanna...say something?"

Everybody sat with their eyes wide, surprised at my explanation of how the other night came to be.

"You're telling me...that...you and Sugawara..were a thing this whole time?!" Giki slams her palms onto the table, catching the attention of a few people around us. "AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TELL US...?!"

Toruku puts his finger over her mouth, still keeping his eyes on me. I wasn't very confident that my friends would understand that Koushi and I had loved each other for quite a while. But I had to tell them sooner or later. And before anything is official between us, I'd like to tell them. They're my family, after all.

"Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?" Hikishi curls his brows, fishing out some rice on his chopsticks, and shoving it into his mouth. "Damn, I knew something was going on between you guys!"

Giki slaps Toruku's finger away, rolling her eyes. She twirls her short black hair in her fingers, still curious about my relationship with a boy they had only met a few times. "I thought that you said you were just friends? Not that I'm against it.. but.. how come you didn't tell us?"

Toruku chimes in, "Is this why you talk about him so much? Or why you've been so distant recently?" His words make me think back to the many times I had listened to their conversations more than discuss with them anything that happened with me.

"I guess I was just scared you guys would think I'm getting myself into trouble or something. I mean, none of you have got your eye on anyone, right?" I look at the three as they all shake their heads. "Look, we're not a couple or anything. We're just... overthinking things."

I loudly, laying my head down on the table. Truth was, I'd been wondering whether or not being in a relationship with Koushi was a smart idea. All I needed was a chance to go through my options and stop to think. Thankfully, Hikishi taps my head, pulling my attention towards him, Giki, and Toruku.

"Hey, we're still your friends, you know. It doesn't matter who you like, we're always here to talk and give you advice. Besides, we all like Sugawara! He's nice and treats you good," Hikishi says, turning to his friends for reassurance. "Right guys?"

They nod, leaning close towards each other to make a small oddly shaped circle. "Yeah, of course. Now, spill, Y/n! What has been happening ever since the party?"

"Uh, yes. On a walk home, we had both agreed to wait a little bit to figure out our feelings, but it was more so that I could realize mine. It wasn't so bad, though. I had time for myself and to spend some time with the volleyball team. They're loud and crazy, but they're fun. I can't believe they're all so respectful considering they're teenage boys. Anyway, we kept talking casually as two people who liked each other would!" I take a sip of my juice box, taking a deep breath from explaining so much. Still, my friends were all ears, leaning back to hear the frightening love story of Koushi and me. "After Oikawa had seen me at the party, he tried texting me a few days later, saying he wanted to talk. I brushed it off casually as any other person who's been in drama with him would and told him I was busy. But on the day of the practice game, I saw him there! He and Oikawa. Supposedly, they're the two best players on the Aoba Johsai Volleyball team."

"Oh..does that mean you have beef with them not only because of that party and because of volleyball?" Giki asks. By "you guys", she meant Toruku and me.

I nod, slapping my forehead. "Yup. And that's not even the worst part! We have to play in a spring tournament with them, which means seeing them more than what I'm comfortable with. On the day of the game, I bumped into Hajime in the hall. He didn't cause any trouble! He was nice and apologized and everything, surprisingly. I explained how I was there as a manager, not some creepy stalker, and even got to talk a bit about how life's been treating us. As for Oikawa, he didn't say much. He saw that I was at their game as a manager, but never confronted me about it. I'm sure Hajime had enlightened him on how I was a part of the volleyball team. Still, he could have told me something if he claims he wanted to talk so badly! Koushi noticed how I was acting strange when he entered the room and confronted me about it when we got to my house."

Toruku raises a brow, asking, "your house? So he spends the night now?"

"N-no! Well, he's never actually stayed an entire night. He usually just comes over towards night and leaves around two or three in the morning. I think his dad might be strict about him staying out late, so that's probably why he has to sneak back home. Anyway, after I had told him what happened, he understood, and eventually, we began talking about ourselves. God, it felt so good to tell him how I felt. And I know now that I didn't just like Koushi, I was in love with him. He just makes me feel safe and knows me so well. If we weren't separated by an entire school year, I'm sure I would have realized it sooner, but I do love him. A lot, actually. And if I'm being brutally honest, I don't care we only have a year to be together." For a second, I forgot that my friends had opinions of their own and began to blabber on about how much I liked Suga. They all looked as if they were just given a box or issues to solve. "So...do you guys think I should?”

None of them mutter a word and instead trade worried expressions, then look back at me. "Look,

Y/n. I don't think any of us have ever experienced this entire 'love' thing except for you and Toruku, so I don't think that our opinions would help very much. But..we can all agree that you've cheered up ever since you started hanging out with Sugawara. Hell, even your chords have been getting better. We've never seen you so happy before. So if you really love him, then we respect your decision to be with him." Hikishi smiles brightly at me, as Toruku and Giki nod along with his words.

I sigh, very relieved that I had such wonderful friends. They were here for me before I even got to find myself and my talents. How could I doubt that they wouldn't be supportive? It's them, after all. "That amazing, thank you, guys." I smile back, looking down at the poke bowl I'd brought in my bento today. "Now that that's over, we should probably make plans for our schedule. It's been quite some time since we've talked about it."

"Ah, yes!" Giki exclaims, shoving her hands into her school bag and fishing out a large piece of paper. "So, I just got this flyer for a band competition coming up. It's in about a month, so that gives us some time to come up with some ideas for songs and practice."

Each of us passes around the flyer, observing its letters. Although it was written in lazy lettering and small pictures, we knew it wasn't something to brush off. Booking gigs and getting our name out to the public was what we needed. Ever since we had published a small album of some scraps from a few songs we'd written, we've only gotten people from our families, school, and some friends we knew in the industry. And before we would sign with my aunt, she wanted for us to gain a few more supporters and fans to help us get the word out further.

Giki nods, happily drumming her fingers on the table. "Yup! I already signed us up. Since the festival has gotten much more popular, I'm sure there will be a lot of people there!"

"Great, that gives us something to look forward to. Now, for what to choose as the song..." I lean onto my elbow, stared down by my band members. They all raise their brows at me. "...what?"

"Word on the street is that Summer's Amp Fest is looking for more than just what people can cover. They're looking for authenticity. We think it would be best to come up with something of our own, " Toruku explains. Still, I'm confused as to why they look to me for help.

"So..?"

"So... do you wanna come up with some lyrics?" In surprise of Giki's question, I began choking on my salmon. 'Write a song? I hope they only mean words and not notes as well. I've never been asked such a thing from my band.' I think to myself, choking in distress while Hikishi handed me a cup of water.

I down the entire thing, steering the coughing to a halt. And not long after do I ask, "you mean, like, write an entire song?! Look, I'm flattered and all, but I'm not very good!"

"Come on! You're the one who knows their way with words, Y/n! You've written a few others in the past, why not do it now?" Toruku pleads.

"Because it's so stressful! And only in a month? Can we even be prepared by then?!" I yell out. "Besides, what would I even write about? It's not like my life is any more interesting or sad than you guys!"

"Tch, you're in love for Christ's sake! That's what most artists write about! Take a look at TV girl— all they sing are songs about being addicted to cigarettes, sex, and heartbreak. You can do it, Y/n!" Hikishi claps his hands together. "As long as it's impactful and sounds good, then I think we'll be fine."

"Yeah! If you'd like, you can even talk to Suga about it! Maybe he can help too," Giki suggests.

I frown, scared that when the time comes, I'll disappoint my friends. All I've ever written are a few words and such. Almost all our songs are instrumentals with one or two verses. "I don't know, you guys. What if I make something super cringe and bad?"

"Y/n, you've got everything you need to write a full song. All we're asking for is authenticity and emotion. Not much! Look, me and Hikishi will take care of the chords and notes. Giki can get everything prepared for us, and you can write the lyrics! A good song will get us in the spotlight," Toruku explains.

Although I had doubts about my talents, I had hope that I could grow a pair and put in some effort into a song.

"Okay then. It can't be too hard, right?"

-

"Koushi, this is so hard! There's nothing I have in mind!" I whine to him as we walk to the clubrooms. School had just ended and volleyball practice was next on our agenda. Today, the so-called so "guardian" was to come back from some kind of secondary school he attended.

The boy pats my back as I throw my head back. "Don't stress it, Y/n. They said it was around a month away, right? That gives you a lot of time to come up with something. And if you'd like, I can even help you. Though, I'm not sure I'm very good with words," he chuckles, running his hand through his hair.

"Really now? Your little letter says otherwise," I say, turning Koushi's cheeks crimson. As much as I wanted to go further into the playful argument, locker rooms were just up ahead. We departed before continuing.

Before I enter the girls club room, the sound of two girls talking came from inside. 'Whatever. Other sports teams have things to do too, right?' I straightened my skirt, hoping that my being there wouldn't be an issue.

I carefully open the door, peeking my head inside of it. I could only recognize Kiyoko changing into her sweat pants, but not the other girl. Once reassuring that it wasn't a crowd of people, I fully entered, closing the door behind me. "Uh—hello," I utter, awkwardly smiling while walking towards my locker.

The stranger turns quickly, revealing her figure. 'Who is this chick?!' I ask myself. She had straight dirty blonde hair, smooth milky skin the covered her body, and deep green eyes. I was surprised such a beautiful and classy girl was here in a gym locker room.

She looks me up and down, attempting to return the smile. "Oh—hi! You must be the new manager. My name is Eclair, it's nice to meet you!"

-

Vote pls and ty ok bye ily

- estrxlar

[sweetmusingss]

I smirk at you after the kiss was broken, my arms wrapped around your waist. "So, didn't get dominant until you were older, huh? What a lucky girl, getting to push you against a tree. I can't even tell you how many surfaces I have wanted to push you against..," I flirt with you. "God, my first kiss was a disaster. I have done well at blocking that traumatic memory out," I laugh softly. "It was after a long rehearsal for the musical. I was only 14 and the guy who played my love interest decided to kiss me when we were walking outside, waiting for our parents to come get us. It was so awkward because I definitely did not like him," I shake my head, laughing at the memory. "This guy tried to kiss me way more passionately than I was feeling. And then my mom showed up and I just said 'thank you' and ran into the car," I shake my head, giggling. "I really did not care about boys until my later years of high school. I got asked out quite a few times but I was never interested. I didn't want any distractions. I know.. I was a real dork," I giggle softly when looking back into your eyes before flipping us around so I had you pushed up against the tree now. "However, now there is only one guy that I really care about and I always want to kiss," I whisper, licking slowly across your lower lip to tease you.

Seb watches you amusedly as you speak, laughing along with you. "Hey, you were not a dork! You just cared about other stuff! Some people were late bloomers... all my friends were having their firsts at 13 and 14. I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 17!" He shrugs, not ashamed by that fact, but he also knew it was considered 'late' to a teenager. "Wow. That guy was bold! It took me about six months before I even asked the girl here to hang out... she was sick of me beating around the bush since she could tell I liked her so she dragged me away from the group of friends we were with and then just shoved me against this tree. Good times." He shakes his head, that girl also being the first girl he ever had sex with. "Oh yeah? You'd rather kiss me than that sloppy 14 year old?" He smirks down at you, growling a bit as he feels your tongue swipe against his lower lip.

__

Emma pouted when hearing Megan's words, never hearing the girl seem insecure before. Megan always seemed so confident and like she didn't have a care in the world about what people thought about her. It was in this moment that Emma felt like she could relate to Megan. She immediately sat down beside Megan before taking her hands in hers, feeling the need to comfort her and reassure her. "No, Megan! I could never think that you're weird. I understand that and you have to get your frustration out somehow. I hate going to things like this tonight, too. You can stick with me and we'll have our own quiet, harmless fun, okay?" She laces her pinky with Megan's as if she was making a pinky promise with her. "I don't want you to be ashamed or anything. I have definitely had my fair share of meltdowns and haven't always handled my emotions in the best way. We've all been there and it's in the past now, okay?"

Megan was shocked that Emma was so understanding, giving her a small smile, feeling so much better. She knew I'd never judge her for her meltdowns, but she was worried Emma would and she didn't want the blonde to distance herself. She nods as Emma says they can have fun tonight, a bigger smile spreading on her face. "Thank you. For not thinking I'm weird. Lots of people do after they see me act like that... it means a lot that you don't. I kinda like you being around..." She giggles as she leans forward and nudges her nose with Emma's, letting out a content sigh before she kisses her softly, truly feeling like she and Emma understood one another on such an insanely high level even though they just met.

[rcknfw]

https://weheartit.com/articles/321272613-to-my-dearest-friend-who-i-hurt-terribly-and-miss-so-badly?

Hi there. We've spent so much time together, yet I don't know how should I start this letter to you. I am still heartbroken now, but that doesn't matter I don't think back to the days and night we spent together, laughing and enjoying each other's company, just being ourselves and having a great time in general. Every now and then it just crosses my mind and all I get to feel is disgust for the things that I've done to you.

I'm sure you are something great and wonderful on this earth, you've been so good to me, forgave me every time I made a mistake, you've been there for me every single time, no matter how bad I hurt you or how wrong I was about the decisions I made. You have been there when things went wrong, you went through hell for me, I made you do that. Yet no matter how much pain I brought to your life you have always been there for me, you've always stayed. You have treated me like I was made of gold, like there was nothing greater than me in this world even when I let you down, even when I acted completely silly and childish ; and that says a lot about you. You accepted my flaws and you always came back, no matter how we argued and that's something very rare nowadays. Your friendship has painted glorious colors in my life and it has lifted me higher, made me see the world in a different way, it has changed me, helped me grow, it was definitely a blessing.

You may think that letting you go was something easy for me to do, or that I didn't even think about it when it happened, and I don't want to lie. That is somehow true, because when you left, I was, already, so heartbroken that I completely refused to think about it and decided to ignore it. You know I've lost two amazing persons I had in my life and it was awful, devastating for me so I was just in denial. I remember we tried to say goodbye to each other more than one time but when it actually happened, it really hurt. It was awful to see you leaving me at that time in my life, as I was still struggling to live, to cope with the great loss of a very loved and meaningful person I had in my life back then. Yet I cannot blame you for leaving me because I know at that time it was bringing you more pain than happiness seeing me in that state .

I don't think you're told how wonderful you are enough. You have so many things that distinguish you from the others, it is so cruel that you don't see that. I think most people use to take you for granted, you are much more than you actually think you are. There's no one like you. Not a single soul out of the eight billions on this earth are as tightly bound to mine as yours used to be. It's crazy how we used to share things and create wonderful memories together. You've been a great person to me, so kind, caring and patient with me, you always returned to me even when I pushed you away, and you never truly left, you always stayed there and dealt with my bullshit. I genuinely think people around you don't appreciate you enough for who you are and what you are doing for them . I know the last time we spoke your life wasn't as exciting and great as I'd want it to be, I remember a lot of shit was happening to you, yet I couldn't do anything to fix that, no matter how much I wish I could've. I truly hope that everything's fine in your life at the moment. I know you are going to meet someone else, eventually and you are going to be doing great with them. You will shine brighter than you ever did with me, while I was still in your life and I am sure of that . You've been a gift from God for me, but so much has happened and I couldn't deal with everything. I regret losing you so much but somehow I've come to realize that you had to leave because you definitely deserve so much more than I have to offer. I do believe you will meet someone else and find happiness once more.

Indeed, I never planned to let you go but unfortunately it seems that I am not the one for you.

What I would like you to understand now is that I didn’t mean to hurt you in any concrete form of the word. I am deeply sorry for the way things turned out to be, I am sorry it was impossible for us to stay friends, I am sorry I couldn't keep such a precious person in my life, I am sorry for the way I have treated you, I am sorry for falling so badly for someone that wasn't you. Never in a million years, in any condition you deserved what I have done to you and now, when I think about it, it just brings disgust and antipathy to my life. I can't bear the thought of what I did to you and how I treated such a gentle soul. Sometimes, I do hate myself and I think that I deserved losing the one I fell for so deeply. Sometimes I believe it was karma I think the worst part about words though, is that you can’t shove them back onto your mouth and down into your throat. The way it ended between us was unpredictable yet so inevitable. You are a good person and I’m sorry that there was ever a time when I did not let you live up to that standard.

I've been such a cruel woman to you, yet I acted like a kid, no one deserves to feel what I've made you feel like. You have been so kind and gentle with me, but I acted literally like the most heartless human there is, you never deserved what I did to you, and I deeply regret the moment I came back into your life and made you leave everyone for me.

There are so many reasons why I should stay out of your life now, and that's why no matter how much I will miss you, or how strong my feelings for you will be, I will never return to you considering how much pain and sorrow I bring to your life. I wish I had the right words to tell you how horrible I still feel about everything that has happened between us, but the feelings are so overwhelming that it makes me feel like I will never find the right words to describe it.

I made mistakes that were beyond stupid, I should've told you I was falling for someone else..I know that you think back to the things I've done and it makes you hate me now, I am aware of the damage that has been done but I want you to take into consideration the fact that I was damaged as well.I just want to say I'm sincerely sorry for putting you through so much shit.I thought about what I've done and it's made me miserable for the past couple of months, I just want you to know that I still do care about you and I'm not as careless as I seem. I’ve been terribly wrong to be so inconsiderate and act the way I have. It's been so hard to but all my feelings into words but I hope this will be the last time I will write or reach to you.

Finally, I am wishing you the best and I pray and believe you'll get it because you're such a fascinating person who loves so deeply and with so much passion. You have been an amazing person and I will never be able to put into words how grateful I am that once I've met you and there was a time when I had your love and friendship. Yet I took you for granted and you didn't deserve it, at all. All I've got to say in the end is that it was worth it and that over time, you will heal. Your constant tears and sadness will eventually evolve back into smiles and laughter, and please believe me when I say this, because it is not poetry. I am sure you already realized that your life does indeed move on with or without me in it. You love and you lose, but it's always for the better. It takes a lot of time to find the value in pain, but once you do, you will realize that the impact that a love has on your life will last forever.

You may have come into my life for what only felt like seconds, but you left a mark that will undoubtedly last a lifetime. I was not made for you, and how I wish you could forgive me that I couldn't lie to you, I couldn't act like everything was right when it wasn't. There was a wall between compassionate and passionate love, there was a difference between what I felt for you and what I felt for him . He hasn't stayed that much time in my life, he hasn't been there when things went wrong in my life but still I did love him with passion and that passion is never going to die. On the other hand. you did all the things he didn't. I had more time to spend with you than with him and you proved me that you're a great friend and lover and whoever gets to have you will be a very lucky person. Please understand that I will always respect you and you will always have a bit of my heart, but I couldn't have lied to you and told you I've loved you as I've loved him. These are two different types of love, yet it doesn't mean I'll ever stop caring about you.

So for that, I thank you. I wish you had stayed. but I do understand that it was meant to be this way. I thank you for teaching me so many valuable lessons, for helping me see the world in a different and better way; for appreciating the littlest things in life and for never taking things for granted again. I wish you all the best. So please, hear me out, for the last time in a lifetime: always embrace your feelings and love with all your heart, body, all your existence. Love with all your soul and mind, no matter how much it'll hurt in the end. I don't think I will ever understand the way you loved me but I am sure that it was strong and deep and beautiful. Please never try to get rid of the feelings and emotions you have in your heart, acknowledge them. Loving so deeply is what makes the one so special, pure and worthy of appreciation and respect; I strongly believe this is what makes us beautiful and passionate. I can assure you, if it'll end, you'll say to yourself "for this type of love, friendship and experiences, life is worth living" . Life is made for these beautiful, great, lovely yet very painful experiences. Love with all your soul and mind ! Your beauty will grow with the passing years as you let yourself see the charm and elegance in things, people, fall for them, and love so deeply. Always forgive and be full of passion. Please never forget the things we've done, the days and nights we spent together, the experiences we both shared and the memories we created.

And so though you may not always be in my life, it is a fact of life that most people won’t be. But to the ones who come and go, it is the ones who leave a part of them with you that matter. The ones who come and go, but also choose to allow a piece of their heart to stay forever.

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. Passion will meet love and and it will bring you to your most vulnerable state, yet it will make you feel the strongest you've ever been. You don't have to search for it, passion will find you, open your heart."