#we're super busy/going through some shit

[cactusdodes]

.

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Okay okay so. Thinking.

I've mapped out how I want to pay off my credit cards, which means I'll only be getting new stuff pretty sporadically, which means I need to appreciate the zero cost things in my life, like:

- the 2.5 foot tall stack of unread books I have

- the violin I might finally actually pick up again

- the 500+ drawing prompts I've been hoarding

- the list of anime I still need to watch

- the 3000+ songs in my watch later playlist

- the stickers I've been neglecting to cut

- yarn??? I have a lot of yarn

- all the pink fabric leftover from moth cosplay

- the candles and incense I also already have

In short, time to actually use the stuff that I have 😭

[prettyboykatsuki]

i don’t go here often but the weird tension and watching porn together and……………. and bakugou………….

✮ tags ; parts r left vague in detail (so u can imagine tdick or other), masc!reader, gay sex, jerking off in the same room, frotting, reader is a crass jackass, dubcon-ish (bkg is into it he's stubborn tho) stupid hent tropes, premature ejaculation on bkgs end.

✮ a/n ; merc this literally possessed me KJDSHFKJSD.

"The fuck do you mean you don't jerk off?"

Bakugou flushes, throwing a pillow at you from the other side of the couch. You can't understand what he's saying to save your life.

"Fuck you. It's not that weird."

You give him a disbelieving look. "No, it definitely is. You don't like... watch porn?"

He makes a face at you that you can't identify. "No? I just like take care of it in the shower. If I get like morning wood or whatever."

"You only jerk off if you have morning wood?!"

A blush spreads up his neck, all the way to his ears. There's little sparks in the palms of his hands that make you snort. "It's not weird!"

"We're living different lives," You reply,without skipping a beat. "If I don't rub one out like. Twice a day at least, my dick will explode."

His face crinkles up with disgust. "Are you a fucking animal?"

"Dude, twice is nothing."

He doesn't have anything to say to that. You think on his situation for a while before a shit-eating grin spreads on your face. "You know what? I think I can fix you."

"Fuck do you mean fix me? There's nothing to fix, I'm going to kill you."

"Hold on," You ignore him, reaching around the arm of the couch for your backpack nearest the table. You grab your laptop and take it out of it's nice, blue sleeve - opening it up. Some short clicking sounds in the room before you set it on the coffee table in front of you both. "Here we are."

There's thumbnails of obscenities upon obscenities upon your screen - all with varying appropriate titles and run times. You look at him triumphantly, like a proud crow with shiny trinkets. Bakugou looks at you with complete disdain and disgust.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Don't be rude," You reply, not skipping a beat. "I'm offering you my curated, high quality porn stash without charge. This is the good stuff. You have to go to like... the sixth page of the internet for this quality. All HD."

"You're a fucking degenerate."

You grin. "I'm a connoisseur." You pause a bit, scrolling through your collection before glancing at him. "You got a type? Like in chicks."

"No," He says flatly, then looks at you. "Do you?"

You think on it before grinning. "Blondes."

He blushes at that. You scroll to the bottom of the first page and find your favorite video. It's a little vintage, but the main actress is a pretty blonde with a nice rack. It's NTR, plenty debauched. You click on it, setting the laptop back in view of you both before. Bakugou throws you a distressed look. "The fuck are you doing?"

"Changing your life, man. You're like a brother to me."

"And your show of brotherhood is watching fucking porn together? Don't be disgusting."

"It's not disgusting, come on. Don't be rude. This actress is super hot and this clip is hard to find. Show some gratitude."

"I'm going to leave." He threatens. You shrug.

"I'll have fun jerking off in your living room." You reply back. That keeps him glued to his seat.

The video starts playing after the intro. It's a pretty typical set-up for porn. A lonely, neglected housewife cheating on her husband with the plumber. It's nasty right from the jump though, not much emphasis on panty-shots and build up. They get straight to business in the first ten minutes of the film. You've seen it plenty by now, but your eyes remain in trance anyway. The actress is a natural beauty. A pretty face, short-blonde hair, and nice chest with pretty nipples.

Your breath hitches, something stirring underneath your waistband. She plays prickly in the film, all for show of course - but it makes the pay off way better. It's hot seeing her get corrupted.

You almost forget about Bakugou next to you until he whispers to you, low and offensive. "The hell are you doing?"

He must be referring to the hand unbuttoning your jeans. "What do you think?"

He makes a noise of protest, but ultimately can't stop you. You're hard. Always does the job this one, but you feel another layer of arousal feeling a gazed fixed on you. You glance at Bakugou, noticing a pillow over his lap and a blush over his face and grin. You think it's probably just your dick talking. The situation is so fucking obscene though.

You wonder what Bakguou sounds like when he moans. They look similar, him and the actress. Chest might be the same size, too. You let off a soft laugh. "Don't be shy on my account."

"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you."

You make a face, lazy and lidded eyes meeting his. "You want to? Dunno if you've got any lube around to make it happen though, since you're such a priss."

His eyes go wide, pinched expression suddenly twisted with anger. He goes to cuss at you again but you beat him to the punch.

"Hey. Wanna jerk off together?"

You didn't think he could look more shocked if he tried. You snicker. "It'll feel better than humping the pillow like you are right now."

"I'm not fucking humping it."

"Right. D'ya wanna?"

He clearly thinks about it, which makes you laugh. The whole situation is making your head spin. You think it'd feel good to rub against him at least. You've never done anything like that with another guy though, but Bakugou is so pretty - can't be sure it counts. You get fed up with his waiting after a minute, scooting closer and circling in. He backs up against one arm of the couch as you crowd infront of him - stood on your knees on either side of his thighs. The angle is perfect to get your dicks to touch with some effort. He makes a choked sound in the back of his throat as you gingerly move the pillow.

You pull his sweats down as well as your jeans and press the tips of your cocks together - spitting into your hand to make the tips both wet. Bakugou gasps, groaning in the back of his throat. Humiliated, he pulls back and looks at you. He's pissed, feral.

Weirdly, you think he's kind of sexy right now. You leaned down to kiss him, and he tries to pull away. You grip your hand in his hair and force him to kiss you - all teeth and tongue. He pulls back with a flush.

"Fuck," You groan, rutting up against him - your whole body shuddering and pulsating from the sensation of his dick. Hot and velvet, making your body twitch. "You're kinda sexy."

"Shut up," He replies, no real bite when his voice is so blown out with lust. "We're not even watching the porn anymore, dipshit."

"Guess not," You reply, rubbing against him again. He moans aloud, pleasing you. "You're way sexier than that."

His dick twitches in response to that. "Shut up,"

"Might be bad if I get addicted to this," You reply, sweat dripping down the crown of your head as your hips follow their own rhythm. "Let's cum together. C'mon."

He frowns at you before craning his neck up to push another kiss to your mouth. You shudder as you feel him cum against your fingers from that, laughing in amusement.

You were joking about being addicted, but you can't be sure. Not anymore, at least.

[milkibabe]

♥ Family Camping Trip w/ Kenny ♥

✢ summary: headcanons on going on a camping trip with Kenny’s family

✢ authors note: heyy since my first post blew up i'm deciding to do all of the boys ;p

✢ gender: reader is implied to be female <3

✢ warnings: nsfw, mentions of weed/smoking

Kenny Headcanons

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT below cut!

𝒮𝐹𝒲

Begged you to go camping with him for months.

When you finally took some time off to go with him, he was ecstatic.

"We're gonna have so much fun"

Was confused why you packed so much stuff.

"What do you mean you still need to brush your teeth?"

Boy is an animal I swear, he can be so nasty.

You, Kenny, and Karen played 'I Spy' while in the car.

Kenny loves when you play with his little sister, it makes his heart melt.

"You'd make such a good mom"

Kenny just casually drops that while you're unpacking, like it isn't the sweetest thing you've ever heard.

You cannot escape his kisses, you've lost count of how many times he's kissed you.

You'll just be getting the fire wood ready for the campfire and he'll sneak up and kiss you on the neck from behind.

"There's my pretty girl"

Kenny is already rugged by nature, so camping is really his element.

When it's just you around he'll purposely be shirtless to get your attention.

Seeing him chop wood... while shirtless??? You nearly exploded at the sight.

"Whatcha lookin' at hm?"

He gives you a cocky grin that makes you roll your eyes.

Stupid, sexy Kenny.

He is a night owl. He prefers to do everything later at night with you.

He always sleeps through breakfast, so you always nag him to eat lunch.

"Only if I get to eat you for lunch" He grins at you.

You groan and push him away. Dude can be so cheesy.

Never lets you wear your own sweaters or jackets. He wants you to wear is giant, orange parka, always.

He saw you shiver and immediately draped it over your shoulders.

His parka smells like his cologne and weed.

You always tell him "Babe... you're gonna make my hair smell like weed.

Speaking of weed, boy is always offering you some.

"Babe, can we please smoke by the water?"

You look at your phone. "Kenny, it's like 3 am..."

You, of course, do it anyways. It's fun getting high with your hot, blonde stoner bf.

*Queue Moonlight by Kali Uchis*

He makes sure to bring plenty of water for the dry mouth and your favorite snackies when you get the munchies.

He loves to feed you the snacks himself, he loves spoiling you.

"I want to do this with you every night for the rest of my life"

𝓝𝓢𝓕𝓦

Everyone already knows Kenny is a horny ass man, so it was no surprise when you couldn't get him off of you.

Cannot fucking resist teasing you every second.

Would whisper in your ears in the car while you're just minding your own business.

"Can't wait to fuck your brains out"

The face you made when he whispered that satisfied him a lot.

Everywhere you went on that trip was a place to fuck.

The tent? Yep. Some random isolated place in the middle of the woods? Yup. The showers/bathroom? You betcha.

Asked you to go skinny dipping with him in the middle of the night.

You were freezing cold of course.

This dude has the audacity to say "Aw, you can come to me to conserve warmth"

Obviously, this whole thing was a ploy to hold you while you were naked.

He would instantly start to suck on your neck, while massaging your ass with both hands.

You dug your fingernails into his back and in response he bit your neck.

Your moans made him grin, he loved how easily you melted into his touch.

Turned you around so he could grind his cock between your ass.

Wrapped his arms around your shoulders and whispered into your ear while he grinded against you.

"You're fucking perfect"

When shit was getting super heated, he walked you over to an isolated rock so you could hold yourself up on it while he fucked you.

You held on to that rock for dear life while he pounded you.

He loved watching how your body looked under the moonlight.

His favorite thing about standing doggy style is being able to watch himself pull out all the way and slam back into you.

Always riles him up when you stroke his ego.

You whine out, "Ah, its too big Kenny!"

Kenny smirks and says "Aw, but you take me so well, baby"

He only fucks you harder when you whine and whimper.

Takes him forever to cum, you probably came three times by now.

That's fine by him, he enjoys overstimulating you.

You were losing your grip on the rock and your legs could no longer stand, so he has to hold you up.

Kenny knows his job is done when you are about to collapse.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum"

He finally hits his climax and he pulls out to cum all over your ass.

"My favorite sight in the world"

He's proud of the work he's done but notices you about to pass out and quickly uses the water to wash you off.

"My sleepy little princess"

After drying you off with a towel, he puts his parka on you and carries you back to camp.

"Ooh, remind me to fuck you while you wear this next time"

Dude's always thinking of the next time he gets to fuck you smh.

[augustjustice]

Children Behave (That's What They Say When We're Together), 2/2

AO3

Part 1

"Somebody had better be on fire," Steve says, jabbing a warning finger in the direction of four slack-jawed faces. 

"You weren't answering your walkie," Dustin replies mechanically. He holds up his own in explanation, the motion jerky, as though he's operating on autopilot. "Either of you."

"Yeah, well," Steve swings out an arm dramatically, encompassing the both of them. "We're fine. You can see that we're fine.” 

Eddie wiggles his fingers at them as if to demonstrate, the wave distressingly similar to the one Steve uses when he’s just been caught and is trying to look disarming and harmless.

“So can you go now?"

“Yeah,” Eddie darts a look over to Steve, the corner of his mouth twitching, “Harrington and I have got some…business we’re looking to finish up here.”

Max can’t manage to hold back her snort, though it doesn’t really look like she was trying all that hard.

“Oh, yeah, whatever you two have been up to looked super professional a couple minutes ago,” she comments wryly.

Steve narrows his eyes.

“Were you guys seriously spying on us? You have got to be shitting me. I expected better from…" his gaze grazes over the teens standing there one-by-one, seemingly dismissing each of them in turn before finally landing on– "Lucas! I expected better from you of all people, Sinclair. Thought you knew how to mind your business, unlike the rest of these nosy little menaces."

"Hey!" Mike and Dustin protest simultaneously.

Max, for her part, looks completely unaffected, and furthermore not even a little guilty.

Lucas points to her.

"Where my lady goes, I too must follow."

"Aww, that's sweet," Eddie comments, completely sincere as he looks between the two of them. Then he reaches over and smacks Steve lightly on the shoulder. "How come you don't ever say romantic shit like that to me, Harrington?"

Steve rolls his eyes.

"You're not helping."

"Wasn't trying to, sunshine," Eddie's smile remains, wide and mischievous. "Still doesn't answer my question."

"I dove through a portal to the Upside Down for you!"

"That was just you and your big damn hero shtick, don't act like that was about me. Besides, I'm the one who literally followed you into hell."

Steve's expression suddenly takes on a sly, triumphant edge.

"So you admit it, then. It was romantic when you did it!"

"No no no, I didn’t say that. I confess to nothing, good sir!"

Their banter is only disrupted by Mike’s spluttering. 

“You–you and Steve?!” he squeaks, seeming no less blindsided than he had been when he suspected it was Nancy in the car. “It’s weird enough having to watch you guys be friends, but–”

"Oh, we're real friendly now," Eddie drawls, shooting Steve a wink and a dimpled grin. "Isn't that right, Harrington?"

"Shut up," Steve complains, giving Eddie's shoulder a shove, but everyone present can see the way he ducks his head, a smile twitching helplessly at the corner of his mouth.

As a collective, the party–even Mike–shoot each other a series of pointed looks, communicating telepathically the way close friends sometimes do. They've all seen Steve in date mode more times than they care to count, but have they ever seen him look so…flustered?

And as some of the initial shell shock starts to wear off, Dustin’s expression begins to morph into something almost…smug.

"I would just like to point out…" he says in typical, sanctimonious fashion, "that I told you both you’d really get along if you just got to know each other."

Max snorts again.

"What, by sticking their tongues down each other's throats?"

The look on her face holds nothing but amusement, which is a relief, though Steve's not sure how he feels about the mischievous glee that accompanies it.

"No!" Dustin protests, embarrassment tinging his face. "Not that I care about that, just–I'm just saying I told you so!"

“Nobody likes a know-it-all, Dusty Buns,” Eddie sing-songs.

“Right?!” Steve cuts a look across to Eddie. “The mouth on this kid, I swear. How’d he turn out to be such a little smart ass?”

The way Eddie’s lips twitch suggests he’s seconds away from laughing. “Our terrible influence, probably.” 

“That must be it.”

“Never mind, I take it back. I regret everything, and I’m sorry I ever introduced the two of you.”

Steve and Eddie dart a glance at each other, exchanging quick, shit-eating grins.

“But, I mean, that’s not even accurate. You did not introduce us, I’ve known who Eddie was literally for years,” Steve has to protest when he turns back to the kids, partially because it is true, and partially because there’s no way in hell he’s gonna give Dustin the satisfaction, not after the night he’s had. 

“Yeah, cuz I used to sell at all your fancy little shindigs.”

“Not just because of that. Don’t know how to tell you this, Munson, but you’re kinda hard to miss.”

Eddie gawps at him.

“Are you suggesting that King Steve paid attention to little ole me? You’ve made my year, Stevie, truly you have.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “I’m honestly not really sure how anybody could miss you with all those big speeches of yours. Pretty annoying, to be honest.”

“Nah, you liiiiike me,” Eddie taunts. He reaches out, as if he’s about to pinch at one of Steve’s cheeks, but Steve manages to dodge out of the way with his fine-tuned athletic reflexes, batting Eddie’s hand away.

“Well, I think it’s nice,” Lucas pipes up, before the pair of them can fall into their flirtatious back-and-forth again, deliberately shooting Mike a pointed look.

“Thank you, Sinclair,” Steve says. “At least somebody around here has manners.” 

“I still think it’s gross,” Mike mutters.

“And just why is that, Little Wheel?” Eddie asks, lifting one warning eyebrow. “Cuz me and Harrington are both guys?”

“No! Because it’s Steve!” Mike flings out his arms, gesturing to him in disbelief. “First my sister, and then Wi–whu-women! The women of Hawkins, and now you, too?! He’s a jock! What do you even see in him??”

“Wow, thanks a lot, Wheeler,” Steve says, deadpan.

As Lucas lets out a soft, protesting hey! of his own, Max twines her arm tightly around his, glaring daggers at Mike.

“The Munson doctrine’s undergone some pretty heavy revisions, the past few months,” Eddie tugs a strand of hair towards his mouth, shooting Steve a fond look. “Are there some shitty jocks out there? Sure. But there’s plenty more who aren’t. I was a dickhead, to act like we were natural born enemies, or some shit. Assholes are assholes, and we shall judge them accordingly, regardless of creed.”

“Yeah, Mike. Don’t be a jackass like Munson,” Max challenges, grin sharp. 

“Mayfield…” Steve warns with a groan, but Eddie only laughs. 

“Nah, she’s right, Stevie.” Reaching forward, he ruffles Mike’s hair. “Listen to Red–she’s a smart lady–and don’t make the same mistakes as me, Wheeler.”

Mike scoffs, but falls silent, looking suitably chastised. 

Steve squints at them, then, looking both suspicious and curious. "Wait. How the hell did you guys get out here, anyway?"

"We rode. Bikes," Lucas thumbs over his shoulder up into the trees, where their bicycles still lay abandoned. 

"Seriously?" Steve huffs. Running a hand through his hair, he finally gets out of the car, rounding it as he pops open the trunk. "Just…get in the damn car."

"What, in the trunk?" Max asks, just to be a smartass, but the look Steve cuts her tells her he is not having it this evening. She holds up her hands in surrender. "Kidding, I was only kidding. Jeez."

A fair amount of bike wrangling later, the four of them pile into the Beemer’s backseat, packing in tight like a can of sardines. 

“How come Eddie gets shotgun?” Dustin whines in protest just as one of Mike’s sharp elbows digs into his side.

“One,” Steve actually literally begins to tick off on his fingers, not even bothering to turn around, “because you guys are annoying the shit out of me right now, no way one of you rascals gets to ride up front. And two,” he holds up his middle finger deliberately, “boyfriend privileges.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up at the declaration, a toothy smile creasing his face. But there’s something soft around the edges of it, even as he deliberately leans into Steve’s face.

“I’m your boyfriend, Stevie?”

“Well–yeah. Duh, of course you are,” Steve splutters, two bright spots of pink blooming on his cheeks, “I mean–unless you didn’t want–not if you’re not–”

Eddie presses a finger against Steve’s lips, silencing him with a shushing sound.

“No take backs now, Harrington. I’m your boyfriend. Said so yourself.”

“You’re gonna be really insufferable about this, aren’t you?” Once again, Steve’s smile really undercuts his put upon sigh.

“You bet your sweet ass I am.”

“Ew!” Mike protests at the same moment Dustin squawks, “Don’t talk about his ass! There are children present!”

“Really, Henderson? Children?” Steve finally cranes to look at them over his shoulder, one eyebrow quirked up sardonically. “That’s not what you said last week, when you tried to talk me into buying you beer.”

“You tell ‘em, sweetheart!”

Max rolls her eyes. “Can we please just go? Preferably before you two and your sickening sweetness gives me a cavity?”

And their bickering doesn’t quiet the entire ride back into the neighborhoods of Hawkins.

---

As they pull up in front of their first stop of the night–the Wheelers and the Sinclairs–Steve catches Eddie’s eye, then turns to face the four teens in the backseat again. 

“Look, before you get out,” he starts, stilling Lucas and Mike, each with a hand on their respective door handles, “I just wanted to say…it’s cool, you know, that you guys worry. I get it. But, we’re all okay now. Yeah?”

“What were you doing out by Lover’s Lake?” Dustin asks, a hint of an accusation in his voice. 

“Other than the obvious, like we tried to tell you?” Max snarks back. 

“That one’s on me, Henderson,” Eddie raises a hand, like he’s just been reluctantly called on in class. “Supply run. We decided to make a night of it.”

Both Dustin and Mike’s faces screw up at the way Eddie waggles his eyebrows suggestively, while Max simply elbows Dustin in admonishment from her perch on Lucas’s lap.

“But, no need to worry, kiddos. I’ve got Harrington, now. I’ll protect him from the big bad world,” Eddie winks as Steve shoots him an exasperated but fond look.

“What I’m trying to say,” Steve starts pointedly, steering the conversation back on track, “is maybe it’s time we, I don’t know–stopped worrying so much, and let ourselves be stupid teenagers for a while? That goes for you guys, too.” He wags a finger at them. “But not too stupid, okay? I’m still responsible for you shitheads.”

As a collective, they sigh out, We know, Steve, before Lucas and Mike finally climb out of the car. 

But, despite their show of annoyance, as Steve and Eddie drop them off one-by-one, watching until they each make it inside, the party members all arrive home secure in the knowledge that these days the lake is just a lake, their babysitter and dungeon master safe. And maybe, just maybe, the four of them sleep a little sounder in their beds that night, realizing they might finally get the chance to be stupid teenagers, too, with nothing more than too nosey friends out there waiting for them in the dark.

[ddejavvu]

i’ve never heard anyone talk about this but there’s an episode of cm where the bau has to turn around on the jet and aaron says “i’ll inform the pilot” sooooooooooo i’m feeling pilot!reader who’s super confident and always flirts with him PLEASE

disclaimer: i don't fly planes i don't know the process of rerouting mid-flight but i tried my darndest

--

It's not every day that a case is solved before the BAU even land, but this unsub wasn't as smart as everyone thought he would be. He'd revisited his third crime scene just in time for the police to show up, and he won't be getting out of prison anytime soon.

Derek lets out a scoff of a laugh at the man's idiocy, already reaching for his headphones, "I guess we've got our weekend after all. Prentiss, you ever gonna tell me what sin to win means?"

Aaron stands as Emily narrows her eyes at Derek, a smirk curling over her lips, "There are some questions, Morgan, that if you have to ask, it means you probably couldn't handle the answer."

Before Derek can fire back Hotch heads for the curtain, "Alright, you two. That's enough. I'm going to go tell the pilot we can turn around. They'll need to reroute us."

There's a hum of acknowledgement that circles the jet, and Aaron passes through the snack station, rapping his knuckles gently on the door to the cockpit.

A green light flashes over the doorframe and a bell chimes, the door unlocking automatically with the press of a button inside.

"Y/N," Aaron greets you, on a first-name basis from calling you to work alone. He tries joking, something he forgets to do sometimes at work, "Just kidding. We're headed back to Virginia, can you pull a u-turn in an airplane?"

You turn to grin at him, face peeking out from the side of the headrest, "What, you forget your toothbrush?"

He's glad his joke went over well, and he laughs at your own, a smile gracing his features, "They don't need us anymore. Are you able to reroute us mid-air? Or will we have to land first?"

"If there's not much air traffic we can turn," You hum, peering at diagrams and screens that Aaron doesn't understand, "But if it's busy we'll just have to land and set up another flight path."

"Understood," He nods, checking his phone that looks comically small in his large hands, "When will you know?"

"Right," You hum, analyzing the display in front of you, and checking a note you've made for yourself on a sticky note that's stuck to your seat, "Now. I think we can make it without landing, but we'll have to wait for a commercial flight to pass. Shouldn't take longer than 20 minutes to turn, then an hour to get back."

"Thank you," Aaron heaves a relieved sigh, thankful not to have to waste more time than they already have, "You're a lifesaver. I owe you one, really."

"Breakfast in bed," You decide, your shit-eating grin only widening, "Hey, next time you're on a case, we'll share a hotel room. That'll make it easy for you."

Aaron doesn't know exactly how to respond to such a bold statement. He's bold himself, but not with flirting. He feels his cheeks heat up and prays you can't see it, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he calculates his response.

"Pancakes or waffles?"

"Waffles," You laugh, "And whipped cream."

"Mm, okay," Aaron pretends to deliberate, headed back to the doorway, "Over the top, or on the side?"

"It's not for the waffles," You chime, and Aaron is infinitely glad you're turned around again to face the display in front of you, because it means you don't see him trip over the base of the doorway, "Why else do you think we're sharing a room, Hotchner?"

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

i am so obsessed with how you write the poly relationship w wolverine and deadpool, i would love to see more!!!

"Come on Peanut, we're going out!" Wade declared, throwing him his jacket.

Logan groaned and took a drag off his cigar, exhaling slowly. He'd been looking forward to a night in. To some quiet. Wade had been going out with friends tonight, going to carouse and be obnoxious. Laura was busy. Altha was out... It was going to be bliss.

Absolute bliss.

And now that was shot to hell.

"Where are we going?"

"Karaoke," Wade said, "The sweet little angel baby who lives upstairs is going. And so are all her super hot friends."

"Christ," Logan groaned. Wade's sex drive made his look low. But. If you were going at least he'd have someone to talk to. You could talk intelligently about... a lot of shit. And your sense of humor was good.

"Just remember," Wade called over his shoulder, "No stabbing in front of the normies."

________________

"Su-i-cide. Su-i-cide. Su-i-cide."

The crowd took up Wade's chant and you rolled your eyes.

"Good fucking luck, My brain is like 90% song lyrics," you caution, sipping from the pint you'd been nursing.

"That's the price you gotta pay, Angel," Wade teased, fluttering non existant lashes, "if you wanna save Logi-bear from having to sing you gotta take all the songs I want."

"You get 3-"

"7" he countered.

"5, asshole"

"Done!" he said, jumping off the stool and going to put your songs in.

Logan looked at you and shook his head. Your friends had left to go dancing and you bowed out. And for the last two hours you'd been... theirs. "You don't have to do that," he said.

"The mob has spoken. Also, even if I sound like shit they're all drunk so. It's fine. Pretty sure Wade doesn't want to humiliate me. He just wants me to sing something."

He nodded, "Probably." Wade definitely didn't want you humiliated. He wanted you in their bed- Logan was on the fence about it. Something was... wrong with you. Fragile. And he didn't know if you could handle it, honestly. Or if they could handle you.

Your name is announced along with the song and you roll your eyes. "He would. He fucking would. I mentioned this ONE TIME." But you go, Taking the mic and casually giving Wade the finger as you step up and take your first breath. Only to start 'Holding out for a Hero'.

The line up gave you a headache.

'Holding out for a Hero' 'Baby Got Back' 'I'm the Only One' 'Work it' And then to cap the whole thing off 'Lucky' Honestly, either Wade didn't know how old you were or forgot that music tended to stick around for a good long while. But You did all 5, Blind with no time to prep and did your best to kill it. And hell if you didn't need water when you were done.

"Dick," you tell him, without any actual heat, "I told you-"

"And I bow to the queen," he said. "Logan, I'm in love!"

Logan snorted. "She can do better."

"See," you tell Wade, taking the water he offered and a chair gratefully, "someone knows how to charm a girl."

Wade clutched his chest and took own seat, "Angel baby, I'm hurt. We're a package deal. And I'll have you know I can be VERY charming."

"Mhmm."

"Help me out here, Peanut-"

"Oh no, this is all you. You wanna fuck the girl, you gotta do the work."

You pause, drink half way to your mouth and clear your throat, setting it down, "Pardon me?" You'd been operating under the assumption that this was all just banter. Harmless fun. Wade and Logan were together. Wade flirted with EVERYONE. Logan was a grumbly old man but he was a softy when he wanted to be. You liked them. You knew they liked you. But you didn't know it was LIKE that. At least for Wade.

"Look at her," Wade said "She's precious-"

Logan cleared his throat. You didn't smell aroused. And he could hear your heart racing. "Sorry, kid," he said. "I thought-"

"I-uh... Excuse me for a second?" You hop off your stool and grab your bag, weaving your way through the room to the ladies room. Taking a second to take a breath. To think. You lean on the sink and wonder if you've had too much to drink. But you know you haven't. And you know no one's drugged you. Wade's beat the shit out of people for doing that- and Logan would never. They're good guys. Not creeps. Certified good guys, really. So why- this is wild.

And it doesn't happen to girls like you.

People don't want you like that. Unless it's a weird fetish thing. Or they're hobosexual. Or some other reason. But they don't want you for you. No one ever does, at least not for long. But you like them. They're friends. Will they stay friends if you say no? If you say yes what happens? Do you even want to say yes? What the fuck is happening? There are a lot of thoughts in your head. Too many.

And when you make your way out of the Bathroom, going to duck outside to get a breath of fresh air, an unfamiliar chest stops you. "You did Pretty good tonight," the oily voice said.

"Thanks, Randy," you tell him, stepping back. The Karaoke creep. You all laugh at him. He uses cash advances at strip clubs and tucks in his polos. The most divorced man to have ever lived.

"Suicides are hard. They're not for everyone," he said, picking his teeth with a coke nail. "But for a retar-"

"Hey fuckface," Wade said, "that's not a nice word." He inserted himself deftly between you and the other man and leaned on the bar, "Didn't you ever learn not to say fucking slurs?"

"Wade," you tell him, "It's just Randy it's not that-"

"She's retarded and you're fuck ug-" A crack and a clang made you help and this time it was Logan standing there as Randy crumbled to the floor.

"And he has bad hair plugs," Wade said. "Only one of us has a problem. And he paid for his."

[lizhly-writes]

staring at my sqh/yqy peak lord fiance ficlet. consider this! sqh is still consorting with demons while this happens because why not. mobei-jun still exists and is fully aware of the whole "haha i'm engaged to my shixiong and everything is so fucking weird" and sqh is muttering about this as he looks through some northern desert stuff.

it's just. come on, yue-shixiong. we're engaged, you don't have to keep chasing after your xiao jiu -- not that sqh minds!!! if you two get along, great, that's everything that great airplane god wanted! but like, it gets really awkward when you run away while you're on a date with lil ole shang qinghua, and then everyone starts feeling very sorry for sqh for having a fiance so obviously in love with another man, which, okay, sqh absolutely took advantage of to get paperwork done at first, but it's starting to get wayyyyy more awkward now --

mbj finds himself in the wonderful position of being able to give sqh dating advice. does mbj date? no. but does he know what dating looks like? hell yeah. it seems a shame that his best spy/advisor/friend(?) doesn't know the answer to this.

"hit him," mbj suggests.

"what," sqh says.

"three times a day."

and then we get into a discussion on demon courting and sqh going "haha that's nice but yqy isn't a demon" and mbj is like "i don't understand why you don't try it, how else are you going to get his attention".

"humans don't court by punching people???"

"you don't appear to be making any progress doing this the human way." and mbj says this super condescendingly, too. like hey, sqh, you're such a loser. you have no game. of course you have no bitches. how can you have bitches if you don't punch people in the face.

well, yeah?? fuck you too, my king! it's not like you've ever had a date, are you not launching a boulder while being precariously balanced on your glass peak (me: i'm paraphrasing bu-ding-talk, check them out)? sqh could totally make progress if he wants to! not that he wants to! who wants to make progress with yqy??

anyway, this gets buried until the next time yqy pays sqq too much attention and sqh had the most resigned fucking look on his face. like come on. this again?

lqg is there. sqh makes incredibly awkward small talk. like haha hey how's your engagement to sqq. good? bad? ahahaha yeah, actually, sqh didn't have to ask, obviously it's bad. look, our fiances are running away with each other. people keep telling sqh that he needs to keep yue-shixiong's attention somehow, but all the advice is weird. in fact this guy last week said that sqh should hit yqy three times a day, not that sqh is going to try that --

"hmm," says lqg. "that's not a bad idea."

sqh is abruptly reminded that he is talking to lqg, a man who probably would be more interested in people if they punched him in the face.

"is that what you're doing with sqq???" says sqh.

the answer is no, of course not, don't be dumb. but like, if sqq WASN'T a poisonous snake of a man and a decent human being, lqg would mayhaps have his interest piqued with a good fight. that's so much better than flowers and haircombs. who wants courting gifts when you can have a good punch in the face.

"hahaha thanks liu-shidi but maybe not i think yue-shixiong could probably kill me if i tried," says sqh and scurries away.

fast-forward a week or two, in which sqh is having a stressful time. maybe it's tax season. maybe it's a shitty night hunt that he has no business being on. either way, yqy is there with him and good god is yqy zoned out.

is yqy actually zoned out? eh, maybe not. perhaps he is actually fully paying attention, but also he takes a look at a stand for fans while sqh is talking to him and sqh is like "shit, is this sqq again?" exasperation turning into anger while sqh is just, super stressed, and he just needs yqy to pay attention to him just this once, and the thought occurs -- well, at least two separate people have told him that he just needs to hit yqy --

all this to say that sqh just fucking decks yqy

[silent-raven13]

Not saying "I love you" before hang up bf Prank!

Gwen and Pavitr stood around Miles with big grins on their faces: Do it. Do it! -they chanted together-

The two bet Miles to try the prank they saw off of their So-city app. Miles being swayed under peer pressure, he called his man.

*ring ring*

Miles: I'm telling you guys, Hobie isn't going to-

Hobie picks up the phone: Sunflower?

Miles quickly changed the topic to answer his man: Oh hey, bae. I was calling to see if you're coming by later. I'm planning on making pasta.

Hobie grumbles sounding like he woke up from a nap, then he yawns: Um... sure, luv. I can come by.

Miles: Awe, bae. You sound exhausted. Up an all nighter?

Hobie: Yeah, me and my mates also had a concert. I'm tryin' to get as much sleep as I can.

Miles: Oh, bae. If your tired, you don't need to come by.

Hobie: Nah, it's cool. I can come by and sleep over.

Miles chuckles: Yeah, that's true. -he saw Gwen and Pavitr rushing him- Anyway, I have to go since Gwen and Pav need me.

Hobie: Okay, Sunflower. I love you. See you later.

Miles quickly said: Kay, bye. -He hung up-

Gwen chuckles: Hahaha, no way you did that.

Pavitr giggles: OMG he's gonna flip!

Miles saw his Smartphone ringing with his boyfriend's name on it: Oh shit, he's calling me. -His friends chuckles-

When Miles pick up the phone: Hello?

Hobie: Oi, Sunflower! -His voice sounds more awake than before- I noticed something a bit odd... Are you good?

Miles: I'm good, bae. What's wrong?

Hobie: Okay. Okay. Hmm, it's just you didn't say the three magic words, you know. I say I love you and you say it back. So are you feeling some type of way?

Miles: No, it's just been super busy, bae. I completely forgot. -Gwen and Pavitr holding their giggles- Sorry, bae.

Hobie: Ah, okay. Well, I'll see you later and love you, Sunflower.

Miles: Okay, bye! -He hangs up-

Gwen and Pavitr bursting out laughing: Awe, man, Miles. You're stressing out your man." -Pavitr couldn't stop laughing-

Gwen: He is probably panicking.

Then Miles' phone rang again, Miles show his boyfriend's name across the screen: Oh my god! -He answered him, his friend went quiet-

Hobie: Oiiii, Sunflower!

Miles burst out giggling.

Hobie: It's me again, and I know it might be an accident that you hung me up. -Gwen and Pavitr burst out laughing- You didn't say those three little words, Sunflower. Making sure we're okay.

Miles giggles: I'm sorry, bae. We're okay. We're okay. I love you, Hobie. Gwen and Pavitr ask me to do a prank.

Hobie let out a big sigh of relief: Phew- ohh! Luv, you given me a fright. That was a close one. -Gwen and Pavitr couldn't stop laughing.- I love you, too, Sunflower.

Miles: I love you more! -He blew a kiss through the phone for his boyfriend to feel extra special-

Hobie on his bed turning bright pink with a bright red blush on his newspaper/magazine texture on his body: That was a close one!

[lee-laurent]

The Past - John Marino

Summary: The timeline of John and Tori's relationship

notes: This is like a prequel to 'Done Trying!' You don't have to read this part, but it gives background on John and Tori's relationship. How they got to where they are in the fic now. The part after this will be a continuation of 'Done Trying' so look for that in the next few days. Also, I do not want to hear any negative criticism about how I've written her depression. I have depression myself and this is how it manifests for me. It's different for everyone, so I don't want to see any hate. Your experience may be different than mine, but every mental health experience is valid.

content: angst, fluff, unplanned pregnancy, break ups, anxiety issues, arguments, birth (not super graphic), mentions of sex but no actual smut, depressive episode, body image issues, mentions of abortion

2019

Tori wasn't drunk by any means, just a bit tipsy. Her fake ID had worked and she was enjoying her night out with her friends. The bar wasn't particularly busy, but the girls were managing to make it feel like a party.

The group of girls all turned to look at the door as a group of rowdy men entered. They were all cheering loudly and patting each other on the back.

"Was there a hockey game tonight?" one of Tori's friends asked.

"I think so," she shrugged, downing the rest of her rum and coke. "I'm going to get another one."

"We'll be here!" one of the other girls giggled.

"Hi, could I have another rum and coke, please?" she grinned at the bartender.

"Sure thing," the man returned with the drink a few minutes later, placing it in front of her, "That'll be 6 dollars."

She reached into her back pocket, when a voice beside her stopped her, "I've got it."

She turned, looking at the man next to her. He was significantly taller than her five foot frame, with tan skin and unruly, dark curls he brushed from his eyes.

"Oh! Thank you," she grinned, taking her drink from the counter.

"I'm John."

"Tori."

"You come here often? Sorry, I know that's cliche as fuck."

"Ha! No worries, my friends and I come here some weeks. It seems your group of friends is making it a bit more lively."

"Hope we're not interrupting your night."

"Not at all. We were the only ones making noise before you guys showed up. You from around here?"

"I'm from Massachusetts. But I moved here for work. You?"

"Pittsburgh born and raised," she smiled, raising her glass up before taking a sip.

The couple continued talking for the rest of the night. Tori wasn't the hookup type though, so instead of going home with him, she gave him her number. Leading to a long line of dates, until he finally asked her out officially.

2020

The world had locked down. No more hockey. No more school. No more work. Tori had subsequently moved into John's apartment so that they would be able to spend time together during the pandemic.

"What're you making?" John asked, wrapping his arms around Tori's waist, tucking his face in the crook of her neck.

"Oatmeal cookies."

"Smells good, baby."

"How was your nap?"

"Relaxing. Would've been better if you were there."

"You know naps make me feel like shit."

"I know... but the bed feels so empty without you."

"God, you're cheesy," she grinned, lifting her hand up to run through his mop of curls. "You want me to trim these?"

"Mmm, not today. I like them long. Why? Do you not like them?"

"I love your curls, Johnny. So sexy."

He grinned, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"I'm going to play 'chel with the boys. Call if you need anything."

She nodded, turning back to rolling the cookie dough into perfect balls. She'd taken up baking during the lockdown. John kept telling her he was going to be out of shape for the next season if she kept it up, but he continued to taste test everything for her nonetheless.

Another month into the lockdown and Tori wasn't herself. She wouldn't leave bed, she was taking naps, and John could barely get her to eat. She claimed she was fine, but he didn't believe her in the slightest.

"Come on, baby. I made mac and cheese, your favourite," he tempted, sitting on the bed and running a hand through her matted hair.

"Not hungry."

"You've gotta be hungry. You haven't eaten since yesterday morning. And all you had then was a couple crackers."

"I'm not hungry. Let me sleep."

"You've been sleeping all day. Can you get up and take a shower for me?"

"Too tired."

"Tori, baby..."

She just rolled over, hiding her face in the duvet. He sighed, leaving the bedroom and going to eat the food he'd made... why let it go to waste.

"How's Victoria doing, love?" John's mom asked through the phone, worry lacing her voice.

"I can't get her to do anything except sleep. I'm trying, Mom. She just..."

"Do you know if she has a history of depressive episodes?"

"Yeah, one when she was in high school. But she said she learned skills to cope."

"Just be there for her, John. That's all I can suggest."

"Thanks, Mom."

Two hours later, Tori emerged from the bedroom. She was wearing the same clothes she had been for days and her hair desperately needed a wash to rid it of grease.

"Hi, baby," John smiled softly.

"Hi. Will you come take a shower with me?" she whispered.

"Sure, but first can you just eat a few bites of the food I made?"

"I... I don't know."

"Please, Tori. Just so I know you're eating."

"Okay."

She sat on his lap, picking at the bowl of pasta in front of them.

"Five bites and we can take a shower."

"Okay."

It took her 20 minutes to take those five bites, but she did it. The couple stood under the hot water of the shower, embracing the time together outside of their room. John helped her wash her hair and brush out all the knots. She forgot how nice it felt to feel clean. She turned in his arms, squishing her face into his torso.

"I've got you, baby. I've always got you. I love you so much."

"I'm sorry, John," she sobbed, "I've been a terrible girlfriend."

"Shh, no you haven't. You're just struggling right now. It's okay. We'll get through his together."

"I love you. I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry. I just want what's best for you. And rotting in bed isn't."

She leaned up and pressed a soft, loving kiss against his lips. When she went in for another one, he turned his head, her lips landing on his cheek.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry," she cried again.

"No, no. I just... I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you. I love you so much, but I can't... do anything until you're yourself again. Okay?"

"Okay."

The next day, John helped Tori find a therapist online. Even going as far as to join sessions to learn how he could help her to help herself.

2021

Now that lockdown restrictions had been lifted slightly, Tori was thriving. She was going on daily walks and working on new coping skills to use when she felt that numbness creeping back in.

John was back to playing hockey and finally their lives had back some normalcy. A normalcy that had formed itself into a very... intimate love life for the two. There didn't seem to be a day that the two weren't having sex. Tori was pretty sure roadies were the only days they weren't falling asleep naked.

It was amazing, until it all came crashing down at the end of December. Tori had been feeling like shit for almost a week now. She felt sluggish and the sent of John before he showered after practice had her sick to her stomach. The idea of being pregnant though wasn't even a thought that crossed her mind. She had an IUD. They were safe. Surely it couldn't be...

"Do you want me to pick up a test, just in case? I know you said it's like almost impossible," John asked as he walked to his car at the arena.

"Sure, if it'll make you feel better. Pick up two, just in case one is faulty."

"Sounds good, babe. Be home in 20. Love you."

"Love you too, Johnny."

The couple stood in the bathroom, re-reading the instructions for the tests.

"I think it's self explanatory, John."

"I just want to make sure you're doing it right!" he swatted her hand away as she tried to grab the paper from him.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes, sitting on the toilet with the stick.

"Yeah, just piss on it. Then we've gotta wait 5 minutes."

"Sounds good. You stayin' in here while I pee?" she giggled.

"I'll be right outside."

Peeing on the test was harder than she thought. It was like she couldn't get herself to pee, she was so nervous. After a couple minutes though, she'd put the caps back on and placed them on the counter.

"Come in, John. But I'm telling you, I'm not pregnant. Trusty old IUD keeps your sperm outta there."

"Maybe I've got really persistant sperm."

"I-" the timer rang. "You ready?"

"Yep."

At the same time, they flipped the tests, the plastic clattering against the sink as Tori dropped it.

"They- They must be faulty. False positive, right? Right, John?"

"I- is that a common occurance? I'll google it," he typed on his phone quickly, spelling half the words wrong, "There's less than a 1% chance of that, Tori."

"So? Maybe we're in that percentage. Did you even get good ones?"

"They were the most expensive ones! I just grabbed them!"

"They're wrong."

"Victoria..."

"Don't 'Victoria' me! They're wrong! I'm not pregnant! It's just a cold."

John rolled his eyes, "Can you at least go to the doctor? Get meds for your cold then."

"Fine! I'll make an appointment right now!"

"Perfect. I'm going to make dinner."

"I'm not pregnant," she whispered to herself as she typed in the number for her doctor.

"Is there any chance you're pregnant?" the doctor asked, staring into Tori's eyes.

"I have an IUD."

"I've seen it happen. Would you mind giving us a urine sample?"

Yay. Peeing into more things.

It didn't take long for the results to come back. The doctor entered the room holding a stack of paperwork.

"So, the urine sample came back positive for high levels of hCG. Which means you are pregnant."

"That's not possible."

"I know this is probably a lot to take in right now. I've written down some suggestions for a few OBs I reccomend. As well as some supplements we reccomend for the early stages of pregnancy. From the test, I'd say you're about three weeks."

"Shit. Um, sorry. Thank you. I'll, uh, call these numbers," Tori forced a smile, rushing off to get home.

"So? You are pregnant?" John asked, his eyebrow quirked.

"Yes. I just-"

"Okay."

"Okay? That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say, Tori? 'Yay! I'm so excited to be a dad at 24!' Cause that'd be a lie."

"Stop acting like this is all my fault!"

"I never said that! I just... we've never even talked about having kids! This is all very sudden."

"How do you think I feel?! I'm the pregnant one! Now I have to tell all my friends and family that I got knocked up at 22!" she threw her purse down on the counter.

"You told me the IUD would work fine."

"Why are you blaming me? God, John! Grow up!"

"I should grow up?! You're the one yelling at me!"

"You're fucking infuriating!" she shouted, stomping off to their room. The door shut with a harsh slam, making the pictures on the wall swing.

"Fuck me," John muttered, grasping at his hair.

John slept on the couch that night, not wanting to deal with being yelled at again.

"We should talk about this, Tori," he offered at breakfast.

"Why? I'll just get the pregnancy terminated. You don't it."

"Tori... can we think about this? Make a rational decision."

"Why? Is getting an abortion not rational?"

"Not what I said. I just think you're still angry about yesterday, so you're not think rationally. We need to make a decision together here."

She rolled her eyes, "You made it clear how you feel."

"Did I?"

"Yeah, I think your words were 'I'm not excited to be a dad at 24!' So, there's our answer. You won't have to be," she sassed.

"Victoria, sit down."

"You're not my fucking dad."

"Stop acting like a child! Sit down!"

John rarely yelled at Tori, so the tone of his voice had her sitting right back down.

"Thank you. Listen, I'm not thrilled to be a dad right now, but I'm not telling you to end the pregnancy. I- we can make this work. I want you to make the final decision, but I won't be leaving if you decide this is what we're doing. I love you. And I support whatever decision you make. I will love that baby unconditionally."

"I... I need time to think about everything," she nodded, her lips pursed.

"I understand. But I really don't want to continue this arguing. I want us to enjoy our trip to Massachusetts. Not dwell on this and see our family."

"Okay, I have another appointment in January. You can come... if you'd like. I don't want to tell our families yet."

"Of course... I love you."

She sighed, "I love you too. No more fighting?"

"No more fighting," he nodded.

2022

Tori knew that nobody in the waiting area was judging her, but she felt judged. Her leg was bouncing, her nerves getting the best of her. She was filling out the paperwork that they'd given her. John placed a comforting hand on her thigh, trying to calm her.

"They're removing the IUD today. I don't know if you wanna be in there when they do it."

"I'll stay for moral support."

"Are you sure?"

"Why not," he shrugged.

Tori opened her mouth to respond when her name was called.

"Is your boyfriend coming with us today?" the nurse smiled.

"Yes, if that's okay."

"No problem! The doctor will be right in. We're going to start with the IUD removal. So if you could just strip from the waist down, she can get started."

"Do you want me to turn around?" John asked, taking a seat on the chair in the corner.

"No? Nothing you haven't seen before."

She sat down, throwing the sheet they'd.given her over her legs.

"Nervous?"

"A bit. It hurt to get in. People say it's worse coming out."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to hold your hand?"

"That'd be nice," she smiled.

There was a knock at the door, "We all ready in here?"

"Yep. Come in."

"Hi, Victoria! I'm Dr. Reese. It's nice to meet you!"

"Hi. This is my boyfriend, John."

"Nice to meet you as well! We're going to start with the IUD removal, then we can start chatting about baby. Sound good?"

"Yeah. Is it okay if John holds my hand?"

"Of course! Alright, scooch, scooch. Perfect. Take a deep breath for me."

Tori inhaled, squeezing John's hand. Her eyes screwed shut. A pained breath escaped her mouth. Even John squinted, watching as the doctor pulled on the little strings.

"And done!"

"Thank God," Tori whispered.

"I'll step out! You can throw your clothes back on and I'll be back in a minute with the ultrasound machine."

"You ready?" Tori asked John, buttoning up her jeans.

"Yeah," he shrugged, sitting back down.

John and Tori had discussed things the day before. They were keeping the baby. It was an emotional discussion. Talking about the logisitcs of the whole thing. Especially with her still in school and John playing hockey.

"Ready to see baby?" the doctor smiled brightly.

"Yeah."

"Mhm."

"Alright. I warmed up the gel, it shouldn't be too bad," Dr. Reese moved the wand over Tori's lower abdomen. "And here is baby."

It looked like a little blob, but it still made John's eyes water.

"So, you're about 6 weeks. Measurements look good. I'll want to see you again around 18-20 weeks. You can schedule that on your way out. Congratulations, again."

"You alright, babe?" Tori asked, noticing how quiet John had gotten.

"Hm, yeah. I just... I didn't think I'd be this emotional. Especially over what looks like an alien."

Tori laughed, "Don't call our baby an alien!"

"I'm sorry," he giggled, wiping his eyes, "But it does look a little like an alien."

"Okay... maybe just a little."

The couple left the doctors' office laughing quietly to themselves, their hands intertwined.

Six Months Pregnant - May 2022

It was three in the morning and Tori was sobbing, "You don't understand, John. We're out of pickles."

"I heard you. I just... I don't understand why you're crying."

"I need pickles, John," she cried.

"I- I don't know where to get you pickles at 3am. Everything is closed."

Tori pulled herself out of bed, storming into the kitchen. She dug through the fridge and freezer, trying to find anything that would help her cravings. She pulled a bowl of watermelon out of the fridge, digging in.

John sluggishly joined her in the kitchen, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'll get you pickles in the morning."

She just nodded, taking another forkful of melon. It wasn't as fulfilling was a jar of mini dill pickles, but it was helping. She couldn't even count how many jars of pickles she'd gone through during her pregnancy, but this was the first time they'd been out. It felt like the end of the world to her pregnancy hormones.

John loved Tori to bits, but the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy was beginning to make him tired. He knew it wasn't fair and that she was going through much more, but lord was he exhausted.

"Do you want me to stay here? Or should I go back to bed?"

She shrugged, shovelling more food into her mouth. John sighed, coming around the counter. He placed a hand on her waist and one on her growing stomach.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Do you want to go back to bed?"

She hummed, taking one last bite. They shuffled back to the bedroom, Tori hugging onto her pregnancy pillow. John fucking hated the thing, but Tori couldn't sleep without it, so... he'd deal with it for the next three months.

August 2022

John had just been traded from Pittsburgh to New Jersey and now... it was time for their baby to enter the world.

"Ah!" Tori gripped her stomach. She was walking around the hospital room, waiting to be fully dilated. John was being supportive as possible, getting her more ice chips when requested and holding her hand when ever she felt a contraction. "Is it time yet?"

"The nurse said it could be a while, because it's your first."

"It's going to be our only. Holy shit! Why did you do this to me?"

John laughed, "I'm sorry, baby. You're the strongest woman I know. You've got this. Do you want to use the yoga ball again?"

"No! I just want the baby out of me!"

"And they said that the yoga ball will help that."

"Fine," she groaned, squatting down on the blue yoga ball. John smiled, watching as she bounced up and down, her cup of ice chips in her hand.

"They'll be back with the epidural soon. Then it'll be smooth sailing," he comforted.

10 hours later and she was finally pushing. She was squeezing John's hand so tight he thought it might break. But he tried to be supportive nonetheless.

"One more big push, Mama," the doctor smiled.

"I can't do it."

"You've got this, Tori," John whispered.

"I can't do it."

"Just one more push and our baby is here, love."

She braced, feeling the pressure one last time. She pushed and a wail filled the room.

"And here's baby boy."

"It's a boy?" John was smiling so wide, it hurt his cheeks.

"It is. Want to come cut the cord, Dad?"

He nodded excitedly, watching as they gave his son his first bath.

"Here you go, Mama," they placed the baby on her chest.

"Hi, baby," she was too tired to cry, but her son was so beautiful. He had a head of dark hair which explained the heartburn she'd had during the pregnancy.

"We'll be back in a bit to help you get him to latch. And then they'll be in with the name paperwork."

"Here," John smiled, unbuttoning part of her gown so she could do skin to skin.

"Riley."

"Hm?"

"Riley Alexander Marino."

"It's perfect, baby. Here, I'll hold him. You get some rest."

December 2022

Things were falling apart. The couple was arguing almost every day. Tori was struggling. She hated the way she looked and that feeling of numbness was starting to creep back in. But she wouldn't allow it, she needed to be there for Riley.

John was going through the hockey season and adjusting to a new team. He was barely home. And when he was, he was beyond tired. Not being much help at all. Night shifts were nonexisitant. It was always Tori getting up to get their son. John either "slept through it" or "was too tired from hockey."

Everything came crumbling down a week before Christmas.

"You're not any fucking help! Ever!" Tori yelled, throwing the burp cloth down on the counter. "I haven't left the apartment in days! I haven't been able to take a shower in days! All I do is take care of Riley!"

"Your his mom! Did you think you wouldn't have to take care of him?!"

"God! That's not what I meant and you KNOW it! Your his dad! When are you going to step up and actually do some fucking work?"

"I'm providing for us, Victoria! Would you rather I quit and we have no income?!"

"That's it. I'm leaving!"

"You're leaving?! Where are you going?"

"Anywhere that you aren't, John. I can't fucking deal with you right now. Call me when you've grown the fuck up and decide you actually want anything to do with your son," she stormed off to the bedroom, throwing things into a duffle bag.

"Victoria! You can't just leave! Talk to me!"

"I can leave! I can do whatever the fuck I want!"

"You- you can't just leave with Riley!"

"Sure, I can! Not like you parent him at all!"

"Victoria!"

"No! Fuck off!"

The screaming woke Riley from his nap and his wails soon filled the apartment as well.

"Great! Look what you've done!" John threw his hands up in frustration.

"What I did? You're so fucking immature. Stop acting like you're 12 and start acting like the 25-year-old you are!" Tori went to the nursery, grabbing some of Riley's things and putting them in the bag as well. She picked up her son, strapping him into his carrier. John was standing in the door, shell-shocked.

"Please, Tori. Just think about this. Please."

"No. I'll be back for more of our things in a couple days," she shook her head, leaving John all alone in the apartment.

March 2023

It was official. John and Victoria were done. Tori had gotten her own place and Riley went to see John every weekend. Slowly but surely, John and Tori were forming a friendship. They wanted things between them to be good for Riley.

And this friendship leads us to where we are now...

[scarlet-witchery]

so I know I'm in the no galladads side of the fandom but hear me out on this one—

so it's maybe five years after the end of the show, Ian and Mickey are still going with their security business, maybe they've even branched out and hired some extra help, making good money, swapped out the stolen ambulance for actual SUVs that Debbie has fixed up for them, and they've maybe even bought a house back on the South Side with a dog and a cat and they're close to all of Ian's siblings (Debbie and Carl and Liam all still live in the old Gallagher house, Lip and Tammi are a few blocks over)

and one day they're on a lunch break together, leaving some diner when some rando kid bumps into Ian, turns out it was a pickpocket, and Mickey takes off after the jerk who tried to steal from his husband (he may not be a South Side thug anymore but like hell is he gonna let that shit slide)

he knocks the pickpocket over and it's some kid, like thirteen or fourteen with bright pink streaks in her dark hair and fierce brown eyes, and Mickey is like wtf kid do you wanna die

and the kid is like oh fuck you, very much an angry kitten type because she's definitely a scrawny thing—by this time Ian's caught up to them and his bleeding heart is like look if you give me my wallet back I'll buy you lunch (Mickey complains that "we just ate, Gallagher" but Ian insists)

so they either go back to the diner or find some McDonald's and this kid practically inhales some burgers and fries, and both Mickey and Ian know the look of a kid on the streets, but she's giving off those vibes that say don't touch me don't talk to me don't fucking perceive me

but Ian probably sees something like Mickey, and Mandy, in this girl and we all know he wants to help people, so he asks her if she's okay or if she needs anything, and even though he can feel Mickey starting to grumble next to him Ian still offers her their couch to crash on after she mentions getting kicked out of a salvation army shelter because they found out she was trans

and after some very intense eye to eye communication between the husband Mickey's like okay yeah fine but if one thing is outta place in the house then we're gonna have words

and the girl—they find out her name is Starr, or something like that—is like wtf why are you people being nice (they understand the suspicion, obvs, they aren't stupid), and Ian's like uhhhh we're gay and we've gone through some shit of our own so maybe we just wanna help?? (although he does notice she relaxes a little bit when he tells her that they're gay)

so they drive back home and Starr is absolutely enamored by the gallapets (a beautiful fluffy black cat and a big pittie mix, both of these animals are Ian and Mickey's baby girls), while Ian fixes up the spare bedroom with fresh sheets—usually it's where Franny or Fred stay when they come for weekend visits

and at first Starr is like okay yeah I'll stay one night but then I gotta go, and somehow it ends up that one night turns into two, then Ian and Mickey come home one afternoon and the house looks amazing because Starr is like "yeah your place was a fucking mess so I figured I'd clean" because she's not a freeloader gdi

and before they know it she's been there for a few weeks and Ian's trying to help get her back in school, because one night they were sitting around and talking and she offhandedly said that she does kinda miss school but the last place she went they were assholes about her transition, and Mickey is like just do that homeschooling course thing that maybe Tammi talked about one of her bougie friends doing for their kids

and then it's been a month or two and they bring Starr to a Gallagher family get together—Debbie hosts the family at the house at least twice a month, but everyone's been super busy lately so it's been a while since the last family dinner—and Debs gives Starr a hug and is like "oh so you're the kid my brothers adopted" (she and Sandy worked things out btw and have been back together for a while now, they've even maybe talked about getting married)

and Starr is like oh no I'm just crashing for a bit but by this point Ian has already got her the homeschooling correspondence courses, and Mickey's taken her to find a doctor who can prescribe her HRT ("it was on our route anyway, fuck off, Gallagher") and their pets adore her—Ian jokes that their cat is the one who actually adopted Starr, they just went along with it

and basically I just love the idea of them taking care of a young queer girl, and being like the cool gay uncles, and yeah :')

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Twenty-Three

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: A little fluff, some very vague Sexual References, a handful of Unfortunate Scenarios, Anxiety, Mentions of Vomiting (super brief and non-descriptive) Anger, Description of a Panic Attack, and.. a lot of crying.

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: It's the day before the anniversary and something is in the air.

Author's Note: ... I'm so sorry. 😔 The emotional turmoil this chapter has put me through- we all knew something would happen and I just.. we're all in this together, guys 😭🤧🖤 Love you all so much 🥺

Leaving My Love Behind - Lewis Capaldi "Could you tell me is it all a waste of time? Are you leaving my love behind? Baby, say the word and let me know."

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“Are you sure you need to leave now?” I ask her, squeezing her hand gently as we walk towards her car. 

“Yes, sadly,” She sighs. “I need to get a little work done and pack up some stuff for the weekend.”

I look over at her, forcing a slightly disgusted look on my face, “I guess that makes sense.. I don’t like it, though.” I wasn’t able to keep the look on my face, laughing the second she looked at me. 

“Maybe.. If you’re not still busy doing things later, I can come back?” She asks, raising her eyebrows at me. Like, I’ll say no? 

“You can come back even if I am busy,” I tell her. “It might motivate me to get shit done.” 

She turns to face me, giggling as she leans into me, “I’m suddenly feeling like a reward.”

“A very pretty one,” I whisper, kissing her gently. “The prettiest, actually.”

“Now you’re just trying to kiss my ass,” she laughs, gently hitting my chest.  

“Honey, I don’t think I need to try that hard for you to let me do that,” I say quietly, wiggling my eyebrows at her.  

“Jacob!” 

“What?”

“You know what.” 

“Am I wrong?” I ask, my eyebrow pops up, knowing that I’m absolutely correct.  

“I’m mad that you’re not,” she pouts for a moment until she looks back at me with a devilish little grin on her face.  “You could kiss wherever you wanted, babe,”

“You can’t say things like that,” I tell her, pointing at her when I quickly follow it up with,  “Don’t say anything else.”

“Oh, is Captain a little–” she starts to taunt me, but I cut her off. 

“Char,” I say sternly. “Unless you want anybody who walks by to know what I have going on, shut up.” She throws her head back with laughter, like the little shit that she is. 

“Okay, go do things so you can come back to me,” I pull open her car door for her, watching her plop herself into the seat. Her hands grabbed mine and tugged me down to her, the cute little smile she had on her face. I know what she’s waiting for. Leaning in to kiss her again and mumbling, “One more.”  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“I heard that things must be going well with Ms. Charlotte,” Josh says under his breath. 

“Oh?”

“I guess she seemed pretty flustered when they asked about you,” he tells me. “Also, you two took pictures together, and you didn’t show me?” Oops. 

“Here,” handing him my phone to swipe through the pictures. 

“Oh, well, aren’t you two just precious?” He has a grin plastered on his face. “Look at both of you, just smitten.”

I can feel my face warm as he says it, admitting, “She is pretty great.” 

“Are you going to try and turn it into something?” He asks. 

“I’ve been trying to figure out how,” I tell him. “I feel like she’s starting to lean that way too.” 

“Well, maybe you should mention it,” his voice is filled with excitement. “I can’t imagine she would turn you down. I mean look at her?” He points at her face in one of the photos; her beaming at me before she had turned to the person taking our picture. 

I stare at her for a second before looking back over to him, “Maybe I will after this weekend.” 

Josh takes over with any customers who wander in so I can get everything organized. Thursday is going to be such a good day off after all this. 

I spend a few hours cleaning behind the bar, just trying to get rid of any random empty bottles or trash that have found a way to stay here. It’s helpful that there’s typically only a couple of us back here, so it’s never really terrible to pick up. 

In the middle of pulling some bottles to wipe down, I feel my phone start to vibrate against my leg. 

Why is she calling me? 

I flash my phone screen to Josh before walking down the hall to get away from the noise. I answer, a bit panicked,  “Mum, is everything okay?” 

“Well, our flights got delayed,” She tells me, which instantly makes me feel a bit better. “We won’t be able to stop by tonight. I’m sorry, sweetheart.” She sounds disappointed, which I hate. 

“No, it’s okay.” I breathe out. “As long as you get here, that’s what matters.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to squish your little face,” she says, already back to her usual self. 

I sit in the chair in my office, letting out, “I’ll be excited to see you tomorrow. I miss you.”

“And I miss you, sweets.” 

“Just let me know when you land?”

“Of course.” She says. “How’s everything going today? Are you excited for tomorrow?” 

“I think I’ll be more excited once everything’s done.” I breathe out, knowing I still need to do inventory before the night is over. 

“Josh said that you’ve been in a better mood lately..” the inflection in her voice tells me she’s up to something when she asks, “Who is she?” 

Of course, he told her. They gossip like two teenage girls, I swear. 

“It’s complicated,” I tell her, my voice quiet. “I do really like her, though.” 

She quickly asks, “What do you mean complicated?” 

“Uhh..” I hesitate.  I can’t tell my mom we’ve just been sleeping together. 

“Jacob Thomas!” She scolds before making me more uncomfortable.  “Please just don’t get her pregnant if that’s what you’re doing.” 

“Jesus- MOM,” I say, my hand flying up to cover my face. This can’t be happening right now. 

“I know you’ve had a rough go at dating, but sweetie, I don’t know if just hooking up would be good for you. I-.”

“Mum, please,” I cut her off. I’d rather chew on cement than listen to her talk about my sex life. “I actually really like this girl.” 

“Is she going to be there tomorrow?” 

“I think so,” I know I sound timid, but with the luck I’ve had in the past— it’s hard to sound confident about anything in the dating department. “Please don’t scare her, though. She’s still getting used to everyone.”

Her laugh radiates through the phone, “I’ll keep my mouth shut, but you better point her out.” 

“I can send you a picture so I don’t have to awkwardly point her out.” 

She yells, “You have a picture?!” 

My face is going to be permanently red at the rate I’m going, but I laugh quietly at her. “Yes, I’ll text it to you.” 

“Okay, well,” she starts, “Tell your brothers about the delay so they don’t worry.” 

“I will.” 

“Thank you, sweetheart. I’ll let you go, but.. don’t forget to send that picture. I love you!” 

“I won’t,” I giggle quietly. “I love you, too.” 

I quickly pull up my texts with her sending one of the pictures; otherwise, she’ll never leave me alone. I see the typing bubbles pop up a little too quickly. 

Mom: OMG 

Mom: Oh my she is BEAUTIFUL!! 😍

Mom: I love seeing you smile, sweetheart! 

Me: she is haha 

Me: thank you 🖤

I slide my phone back into my pocket, grab my notebook, and walk back out into the bar. Sam sat in his typical barstool when I came around the corner behind the bar. 

“Hi bud,” I look over at him, “What are you doing here?” Glancing around and not seeing Willa anywhere. 

“So..” he starts. “Remember how I took all those pictures for you?” He anxiously draws little figure eights on the bar top as he looks at me. 

I just hum back, “Mhm.”

“Well.. they’re gone,” his face cringing. 

I let out a long breath before dryly saying, “Wonderful. Did you come here just to tell me this?”

He snaps a picture with flash close to my face, and I just blink slowly at him a few times, “Okay— what are we doing here?” 

“I’m going to try to get new ones for you if that works,” he stares at me with a questionable smile. 

I look around at all the things I need to get done and back at him, “Uh, sure. Just do what you need to.” 

“I’ll try to be quick, promise!” He says, hustling off to take whatever photos he wants. It’s okay; he’ll get everything taken care of. 

I’m elbow-deep in doing inventory behind the bar when I suddenly hit a speed bump; it’s in the shape of my twin brother. 

“So, I think Quinn and I will try to get decorating done in the morning,” he tells me excitedly. The two of them really are the ones who planned the entire night because they love nothing more than celebrating things, apparently. 

I mumble back, “That’s great.”

“They made a bunch of things for the anniversary–” He continues on his tangent about the party. “We also decided to come up with a little specialty menu for you!”

“Mhm.” I don’t want to ignore him, but good god, I just need to get this shit done. 

Hearing him ramble on further, “And we thought this would be good because of–”

“Sure, Josh, whatever you want to do,” I know my tone probably sounds irritated, but he’s slowing me down with all his thoughts that he could have told me before I started this. 

My phone vibrates several times against my leg; what else could be going on? 

Danny: hey, I’m gonna be a few minutes late

Danny: this kid will not chill out. I think she’s just overtired and is refusing to lay down.

At least it’s not really his fault. I can’t blame him for that. 

Me: it’s okay, just get here when you can

What is in the air today? Seems like nobody can catch a break. Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I try to focus back on getting everything accounted for back here so I can escape to the back room. Which that part should go more smoothly.

I grabbed the receipt from the order that came in today, browsing through it to discover that one of the Downeast flavors we tried to get is back ordered. Sick. Slowly stocking the bar and bringing the rest of it to the back, I find another mistake. 

“What the fuck is going on,” I mutter to myself, as I’m moving the extra beer that we didn’t order in the back room to get it out of the way. It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll just call the distributor on Monday and figure it out. 

Grabbing my notebook again, I start writing down everything we have in stock in the backroom. Thankful that we didn’t have to order too many things for tomorrow because it’s looking like it wouldn’t have mattered. 

“I think I got enough shots to make up for the lost ones,” Sam’s voice rings through the room. 

I sigh, looking over at him, “I’m glad.”

“You okay…?” He asks sheepishly before whispering, “You seem mad.” 

I stare at him again for a moment and then let out, “I’m not. Just a bunch of dumb shit has happened, but it’s okay.” Running my hand through my hair when I remember. “Oh, by the way, Mom called. Their flight got delayed, so they’ll be here late.” 

He pouts his bottom lip slightly, “Are you supposed to be grabbing them from the airport?” 

“Yeah,” I breathe out. 

He taps his fingers against the doorframe a few times, “If I can borrow your car, I’ll pick them up.”

That would make my life a little easier.. 

“Sure, that’s fine,” I tell him. “I’ll get you my car key in a minute if you don’t mind hanging out.” 

He nods, “I’ll go piss off Josh until you’re done.” Disappearing into the hall, I close my eyes for a minute. Okay, there’s just a few more things, and then I can at least just be upfront until Char comes back. 

Once I finally finish doing inventory, I drop my notebook on my desk, grab my car key, and then walk out to find Sam. 

“Here you go, bud,” I say, handing it over to him. “Please, just don’t crash.”

He salutes with a quiet, “Got it.” 

We both turn to see a girl stumble out of the bathroom, somehow making it back to her group, which is sitting over in the corner. Sam looks over at me wide-eyed, and I just return the look with a slight smirk. 

“Wanna do me a favor and run some water over to her?” I pat Sam’s back a few times. He just nods and laughs, standing up from the barstool he claimed earlier. 

I walk over, pulling open the door to the bathroom she came out of. 

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” I say out loud. Can something else stupid happen? Please, I love that everything is going wrong today of all days. I glance around for a second, taking a deep breath; well.. not that deep of a breath. Turning around and waving Josh down quickly.

He raises a brow at me, taking a few steps closer. 

“That girl just threw up everywhere..” I tell him, a disgusted look on my face.  “I will be cleaning this up for a minute. Are you good?”

“Yikes,” he lets out. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“It’s the blonde in the corner, don’t let her order any more. I sent Sam over with water already.”

I grab our mop, as many towels and sprays as I can physically hold in my arms. Thank god this doesn’t happen too often, I think to myself, locking myself in the torture chamber. It’s an unfortunate thing that comes with the territory, so I’ve gotten better at cleaning up when it does happen. 

At least Char should be back here soon, I hope. I daydream about how I wish I could bring her with me on Thursday, I believe that full well that my parents would love her. But, knowing that she is already looking forward to texting me the whole day makes my heart swell. One day, I’ll get to bring her ‘home’ to my parents.

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I hear the door chime ring, even with the music and everyone talking. There she is. It’s embarrassing how excited I get when she walks in, but after the day I’ve had, thank god. I see her linger near the door, holding her phone up to her ear but hanging up after not even a minute of being inside. 

I wander towards her until she looks up and notices me. I let out a quiet, “Hey you.” I reach my arm out to hug her, but the moment I start to pull her in, she backs away from me. 

“What are you doing?” laced with an attitude from her. 

“I-” hesitating at her tone, whispering,  “Honey, what do you mean?” 

Her eyebrows pull together, “We’re in public, Jacob.” 

“Okay? Why is that an issue?”

“Nobody is supposed to know?” She snaps, fully with a scowl on her face; her words feel harsh for some reason. 

I don’t know what’s going on, because she seemed fine earlier today. Did I do something?

I calmly tell her, “I’m..sorry. I thought we were kind of past that.” My eyebrow raises at the look on her face. 

“It’s fine,” she sighs. Her head shakes a few times, and she looks down at her shoes, her arms crossed.  

“What’s wrong then?” I ask, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

She avoids eye contact and mutters, “Nothing.”

I fold my arms over my chest; my heart starts to pound as I tell her, “Try again.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” she practically spits out. The way she’s speaking to me makes my heart feel like it’s going to burst through my chest. She’s never been like this around me. I nod my head towards the hallway, getting out of the main part of the bar. 

“What’s going on?” I try to stay calm, though my hands are shaking.  

She snaps again, “I told you, I’m fine.” A pain shoots through my chest at the sound of it. 

I lowered my voice when I finally asked, “What do I have to do, Charlotte?” 

“What do you mean?” she responds, her eyebrows pulled together, seeming genuinely lost. 

“For you to just let me in. You make me think that we’re onto something, and now you’re acting like this?” I can’t stop my voice from slowly rising, letting a ‘fuck’ slip out.

“Babe-” she starts, but I cut her off quickly. 

My voice is stern when I ask,  “No— what did I do wrong?” My heart aches, and it’s causing the anger to take over. I feel myself starting to shake, tensing my muscles to try and stop it. 

She reaches for my arms, her voice sounding more panicked now, “Baby, just listen to me-.” I pull back from her like she already did to me; my heart hurts at the pet name, only adding fuel to the fire. You can’t just call me that when you’re acting like this.    

“That’s all I’ve been trying to do,” I spit out. “You gotta give me something, Char.” She stares quietly, her expression blank. I watch her swallow before I continue, “You’ve been fine telling me things for the last few weeks. Why not now?” 

It was the first time in my life that I should be the one who stopped talking, but the panic is winning;  I lay into her more, “What could have happened, Charlotte? I just saw you this morning. What is it?”

Her expression changed at this point; she looked scared, her voice shaking when she started to say, “It’s just.. It’s–” 

If you’re going to leave me, just fucking do it. 

“If I did something, just say it.” 

Her voice was laced with panic when she told me, “Jacob, it isn’t your fault if you would just let me-” 

I cut her off, my voice raised, and I finally snapped at her, “Then who fucking died for you to be acting like this?” 

I’ve never regretted saying something faster in my life; the moment it left my mouth, I knew I fucked up. I watch the tears instantly flood her eyes. Fucking hell, why would I say that– 

“I— No, I didn't mean that,” I try to recover as fast as I can; the anger I felt disappeared, realizing I just shoved my foot fully down my throat with that comment. But she shakes her head at me before quickly turning and walking fast down the hall towards the back door. “Char, wait-“ No, no, no, no.

She’s absolutely crying by this point, rightfully so, and walks out the back door. I might as well have run out of the bar, the cold air making it painful to breathe. A new type of panic is taking over. 

“Charlotte,” I pick up my pace, “I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.” I’m practically out of breath just walking behind her. “Please, hun, stop.”

 “No, Jacob, you stop!” she yells, turning to face me. We can’t be back to ‘Jacob.’ I can’t. “You didn’t want to listen before; why am I going to waste my breath now?” The pain is clear on her face, the waver in her voice. God, I’m so fucking dumb.

“Honey, I-“

She cuts me off, “No, that wasn’t fucking fair,” her voice and hand shakes as she points at me and my heart breaks more seeing her cry. She sobs out, “And you know that.” The tears rolling down her face make my own throat tighten up. 

“No, I do. I do,” my own voice shakes this time. My chest feels like it’s caving in. The tears welled up and threatened to escape any second. I step closer to her, wiping her tears away as mine start to fall. Her sweet face just barely leaned into my hand; please don’t leave me. 

My other hand comes up to wipe my own face, but I can’t hold it back anymore, “Char, I’m so sorry,” comes out in a sob as I pinch the bridge of my nose, and I feel her close the gap between us. Wrapping her arms tight around me, my hand moves to hold the back of her head. I rest my face against her and close my eyes as I feel her body shake in my arms.  I can't lose her. 

“I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t mean that, I swear to god.” I manage to quietly let out as I hold her close to me. I hate myself for hurting you. 

After a minute, pulling back to look at her, holding her jaw in my hands, the saddest kiss I’ve ever experienced. The feeling of her tears rolling over my thumbs as her lips press into mine, and I'm trying to hold it together long enough to get through it. Everything about the moment feels like this is ending, and we’re both just avoiding saying it. 

“Please don’t leave,” I manage to choke out, leaning my forehead against hers, “please.”  

 “I’m so sorry, Jacob,” she whispers back. “I just- I think I need to go.”

“No,” Slips out. I can’t stop the sob that comes out with it, feeling pathetic. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.” 

She shakes her head ‘no’ but reaches out, wipes my tears, and whispers, “One more.” She leans in, kissing me softly as both of our lips shake. I hold her close for as long as she’ll let me because I don’t know when or if I’ll get to again after this. I love you, Charlotte. I hope you know that. 

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 I watch as her car pulls away and drives off, doing everything in my power not to scream. My body hurts from choking back the heartbreak. 

“God damnit,” falls from my mouth. Trying to swallow the sob that’s sitting in my throat, more tears fall as I’m trying to blink them away. How did I fuck this up so bad? 

I lean against the wall, around the corner from the bar, sliding down until I’m sitting on my feet. Everything just comes out; a hard sob comes out a bit louder than I would have liked, but at this point, I can’t stop it.

 “Oh my god– Jake,” I hear Josh’s voice.  

His hands wrapped around my shoulders, forcing me to stand, and my head hung low. 

“Hey, what’s going on? What happened?”

I  look up at him finally, red-eyed, tears falling down in full force. My chin quivers, and I can’t stop myself from falling into him. Gripping the back of his shirt, I’m practically yelling into his shoulder. She can’t be gone. 

“She left,” I struggle to get out. 

“Charlotte?” 

“Yes,” my voice shakes, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“Ope, oh god, no,” he whispers; I can feel his breathing change a little. He backs up to look at me, wiping the tears off my face. His eyes also welled up, looking all over to try and find an answer.

“Jake, you need to take a breath for me,” his voice shakes as he does his best to instruct while tears start to fall down his face. 

I pull my hands up, covering my face, knowing I can’t look at him as I finally admit the truth, “I’m in love with her, Josh. God, I feel like I’m gonna throw up,” I cry; hearing it out loud just makes it more real. My stomach turning as I think about her.  

“I know you are,” he whispers, rubbing my arms to keep in contact with me. “I have no doubt in my mind— she loves you too.”

Hearing Josh sniffle loudly, I look up to see him standing there, one hand on my shoulder and the other covering his mouth as he watches me. 

“I can’t lose her,” I say shakily. “I– I can’t.” My chest is heaving as the panic comes out, shaking my head at the thought. “Oh god, I feel so stupid. I—”

“Jake, breathe.” 

I feel pathetic as I struggle to take a deeper breath, hearing the jagged sounds as I inhale and slowly let it back out. Fighting the urge to cry with every long breath. I just want her. My voice is practically a whimper when I let out, “Josh, my heart fucking hurts.. I don’t know what to do.”

He goes to say something but pauses, pinching the bridge of his nose to fight back the tears that are sitting in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I hate seeing him upset, even if it’s unintentional. 

He quickly waves his hand at me, “Stop, stop, just give me a second. This isn’t at all how I wanted to help you.” He looks up at the sky, sucking in a deep breath before finally looking back at me. 

“I need you to just go home, okay?” he tells me. “I’ll close the bar down; just go take a hot shower or go crawl into bed, but you do not need to be back in there right now.”

“Okay,” I give in easily; I don’t think I could compose myself enough to be there. 

“I know you are going to want to talk to her, but you need to give her the space she wants–,” he starts. I just nod along, knowing he’s right but wishing he wasn’t. He whispers, “Oh, I'm so sorry, Jake.” He pulls me into another hug, rubbing my back for a minute as I just let the tears flow into his shirt.  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It’s taking everything in me not to slam every door behind me and throw my boots across the room. Why did I say that? I sat on the end of my bed with my head in my hands for a few minutes. I raked my brain for anything that I could have said this morning that maybe was too much or if she had mentioned something, that would have made more sense as to why she was so upset.

“I need to work a little and then pack my stuff for the weekend.” 

The only thing she said that I feel like could have put her in a bad mood, but even then, is she just upset about having to spend the weekend with her parents? She never really brought up what her plan was outside of that. She did come into the bar on the phone, maybe one of her parents pissed her off, and I just made it worse? 

My phone lit up next to me, pulling me out of my head for a second. 

Charlotte: I made it home

Immediately, feeling tears sit in my eyes again. I stare at the message for a minute, debating on how to even respond without just spilling all my feelings to her. 

Charlotte, I love you. No- I’m so fucking in love with you. Maybe I messed up by letting myself fall for you when you said we could just be friends with benefits, but you’re more than I could have imagined. I just want to go back and actually shut up so you could talk. I don’t know why I didn’t just let you tell me what was wrong. That’s a lie. I panicked because I thought you didn’t want to keep me around anymore. I would never intentionally hurt you like I did; I honestly didn’t mean it, and god- I wish I never let that come out of my mouth. It was wrong and disrespectful, and that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do to you. I want to keep you to myself forever. You’re so beautiful and kind and everything I could have dreamt of. I want to spend forever showing you how special you are and giving you the love that you deserve because, my god, you deserve the sun, the moon, and everything in between. 

But– I can’t say that. 

Me: 🖤

I set my phone back down, knowing she isn’t going to say anything else. It’s hard to believe that I even have anything left in me to cry at this point. The tears land on my screen as I stare at it, waiting to see if she opens the text. The screen dims, and just before it would have locked, I see it change from ‘delivered’ to ‘read.’ The typing bubble pops up, and I flip my phone over. I’m not ready to read whatever she’s going to say. 

I feel the slight vibration from her text coming through, and I just leave my phone there. I grab one of my pillows and tuck my arm underneath it as I lay down. Closing my eyes, I try not to think of what she could have said. 

My heart aches as I lay there, doing everything in my power to think of anything else, but she plagues my mind. Her laugh, how she looks at me, the way her hands feel in mine. This can’t be over– I can’t let her go. The tears just continuously fall into my pillow as I try to fall asleep. Honey, I need you. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Jake?” 

Josh’s voice startles me awake as he’s sat on the edge of the bed. I look up at him as he reaches over, tucking my hair behind me. 

“Why don’t you at least get comfortable, huh?” He whispers, gesturing at the fact I’m still completely dressed from earlier. “I’ll grab you a sweatshirt. It’s a bit chilly.” 

I unbutton and slide my jeans off, tossing them on the floor next to me before moving under the comforter. 

“Here,” Josh says quietly, handing me the sweatshirt and taking the shirt I had on from me. I pull it over my head and then immediately lay back down. He pulls the blankets up to cover me, sitting back down. “Do you want me to stay for a few minutes?” 

I just nod. His hand runs down the back of my head a few times before he just holds my shoulder, scratching gently to try and help me fall back to sleep. We sat there in silence for a while, having him in the room was enough to help keep me calm. I eventually drifted off, long enough for him to finally leave. I wouldn’t say that I slept well by any means, but I slept some. I tossed and turned relentlessly throughout the night, having to convince myself to sleep again. 

I grab my phone to check the time. 5:32 a.m. glows back at me. I don’t know if it’s curiosity or if I like to torture myself, but I unlock my phone, click on my messages and tap on her name, reading the message and setting my phone back down. I close my eyes, feeling a single tear run down my face before I drift back off to sleep. 

Charlotte: Goodnight Jacob

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Four

FDOG Master Post | Masterlist | Playlist

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[weebsinstash]

Babe! A new Helluva Boss episode just dropped! And Ozzie and Fizz are just so goddamn cute! 😍😭 and Ozzie is such a sweetheart! (I hope he’s genuinely such a softie and not playing an act, we need more softie demons).

Can we please talk about Yandere! Ozzie again? Pretty please with a shit ton of sprinkles on top? 🥺

Bestie thank youuuu I watched that shit immediately and I have so many thoughts

This episode actually shows a big reason why I haven't really published a lot for like, Ozzie or Valentino in terms of actual fics because, my take on Ozzie's personality based purely off his debut appearance would've been a lot more different and now we see that, bro he's, suave yeah, but also, a huge green flag lovable cinnamon roll dork??? Valentino, we only have seen so much of. To be honest the way he's been presented seems to sway from "scary as fuck during gangster business stuff" to "he's kind of a ratchet ho, actually" and I'm not, entirely super confident writing stuff for him because like, I'm more of, assuming? I can't, analyze his character like I can for other characters with more material out for them.

For real though, my current stance on this matter is: Asmodeus, you could go to him and ask for his knowledge and advice on like genuine issues or things you're curious or concerned about like, legit you could sit down and have STD talks with this man ("h-hey Ozzie is it normal to have xyz on my you know what" "oh honey yes that's just like a blood blister from friction you're fine" "oh my god ok good because I was worried it was cancer" "HONEY NO 😩") meanwhile fucking Valentino over here would be like "bitch why you got cellulite" and like make backhanded comments like, oh maybe he could reward you with a boob job instead of your next paycheck (as in like, cosmetic surgery 💀 you know I've thought about that? Yan Valentino who's crazy for ya but, not crazy enough to not make certain, tweaks to your actual body. Maybe he dyes your hair or has it styled a specific way and basically refuses to let you do whatever you want with it. Gets your boobs or ass done. Makes you get fillers/botox for any wrinkles/static lines. Controlling your wardrobe is a must. You're like his little.... pursedog)

(That being said though. I'd still let him hit 😩 reader who gets drunk and fucks around and finds out--)

Anyways though, over here in our corner we believe in unapologetic self indulgence and I still believe a Reader who has magical abilities or powers and whatnot and can travel the rings through whatever convoluted means is a fun time. So. We're gonna do that! I mean. Asmodeus honestly seems chill enough that even if you like, somehow crashed into his club, as long as you were polite and respectful, he'd be chill with letting your hang around, maybe even getting a kick out of teasing you (but never pushing anything too far unless you show interest, and if you show any discomfort or trauma he backs off to re-strategize). I imagine his club would actually be pretty fun? Drinks, live music, although, kind of makes me wonder, how openly horny is this place? Probably not like "coochie in your face" like working for Valentino, so, Reader could even be all "honestly this is such a much more safe welcoming environment to engage in like sexuality" and Ozzie hears this and its like, dude. You might as well have just struck him through the heart with cupids own arrow, but, also, he's curious, what other places have you been?

I'm kind of convinced that if a little imp cunt like Crimson thinks he has the balls to stand up against Ozzie, hostage or not, I kinda feel like. Valentino would probably openly treat Asmodeus like shit. He'd probably be a catty fucking bitch to him. He probably looks at Ozzie as like, a diet coke version of himself, a version who has so much power but doesn't go far enough, and probably scoffs at Asmodeus' romantic attachment (even though Val has some weird on-off thing with Vox himself). Valentino doesn't give two fucks about consent and would probably openly mock Ozzie'e values

Or. They could be big business partners because, maybe there's some sort of inter-Ring porn trafficking pipeline or something, smuggling the good shit up from Lust and trading it with stuff from Sinners, who have more visual variety besides other perks etc

But just picture, Asmodeus and Fizz are, minding their own biz, at the club, chilling, listening to music, eating food vaguely shaped like clocks, and Ozzie's cell rings, and they're both like "aw I bet Reader's calling to say they're having fun at that party or whatever" but they answer it and you're like, hiding in the bathroom or a closet or something, crying, whispering under your breath "d-do you still have a place for me to stay like you said before 🥺 Valentino is really, REALLY drunk tonight and he's really scaring me, he grabbed me and--"

They're both at your exact location in like less than 5 minutes and maybe have to play it off, Ozzie distracting Val while Fizz steals you away, or, juicier, like. Imagine Val snatching your phone from your hand, going through your messages, "who the fuck have you been talking to?" And he pulls like the classic abusive boyfriend move and when he sees you're in frequent contact with someone named "Ozzie" he calls him from your phone and as soon as a male voice picks up, they're both going at it "bitch who the fuck are you?" "Bitch who the fuck are YOU?" "Why you got my baby's number?" "Why do YOU have MY baby's PHONE???" "I'm about to HAVE my foot up your ass, you--" like, you know what I mean? Asmodeus is rolling up and these two are all but butting heads with each other as you have to awkwardly explain how you know both of them and of course, suddenly there's a not quite comfortable conversation about which one of them you... "belong to", neither of them wanting to leave you with the other (although I imagine in a physical fight Asmodeus would win but Valentino would have homefield advantage involving his security dudes)

Either way like.... oh my god watching them lounge in that nice big bed together. Fizz being on Ozzie's chest, like. Give me that 😩😩😩 "oh Reader, baby, so glad you took up our offer for a place to crash, but, since it was so short notice it'll have to be with us tonight" type shit and like you're fine with that but then bedtime comes and. There's Literally Only One Bed. And you're like ok you know what I'm not really in a position to be ungrateful, Valentino could have actually fucking hurt me or trafficked me or whatever, but, you're still small enough that Asmodeus could hypotheticallyyyy just, reach an arm over and scoop up you into his chest for a cuddle, or just have you in the crook of his arm like a cat or a teddy bear. Ozzie definitely sees an immediate perk on Fizz not being so much of a troll as to give you the airhorn treatment your first morning there, so, obviously, they have, multiple motivations to, keep urging you to stay 👀 after all, Val is going to be looking for you in the Pride Ring, and you don't have any other friends, so, you're kind of stuck with their whims aren't you? Unless you try to run off on your own, and I mean. Really. They can just hire someone to bring you back lmao. Or get you themselves. Could you imagine feeling way you uncomfortable around them and slipping away and suddenly you find a little white demon dog on wheels happily rolling up to you out of nowhere and it's. Fucking tracking you for Fizzarolli and Asmodeus, like. Damn, can't even trust the dogs in Hell. Demon dogs in Ohio be like

Anyways idk I just like the idea of like. Combining several ideas, you do the whole "accidentally did the whole Death Fall From The Sky and crash into Vals sunroof, he keeps you in servitude because you have to repay him, eventually you Fall into Lust and you start basically doing double jobs at both clubs and prefer Ozzie and he eventually has to rescue you". Also like Valentino "canonically" humiliates his partners on social media so I can imagine he's just publicly belittling and negging you all the time. One second you're happy at Ozzie's listening to music and eating unholy amounts of onion rings with your quirky well intentioned clown friend, the next week Asmodeus sees a Sinstagram post where Valentino is just like "cutie was whining she couldn't get any tips so I helped her out 😜🤭🍈🍈" and its just. A photo of you in your work uniform where he clearly just reached forward and tore open the front of your blouse and he is just. Full on deadass without any hint of irony making you basically work in your bra and he's just without any remorse posting photos of your running mascara and you're clearly crying but what can you do?

Val posting a photo of him literally shoving a tip INTO your bra, his FINGERS in there, and other like little clips and snippets of him demeaning you while you're like actually fucking blubbering "and make sure to get me extra ice!" "*sobbing noises*" "I didn't hear a REPLY! Do I need to take some of those nice tips I'm helping you make?" "N n noOo I'm sorry" "sorry WHAT?" "M sorry mister Valentino, I'm sorry, I'll get your drink right away mister Valentino" and Val is just slapping your ass HARD as you turn to leave like and just laughing like this is the most fun he's ever had

like I feel like Asmodeus realistically would only be able to do so much IN Pride itself (because would You show up in your boss' turf doing your own shit? Big risk) BUT, I mean. You go down to Lust and you're basically fair game. You show up to your next shift after The Boob Incident and Ozzie's like "giiiiiiiirl imma keep it real with you, I know you wanna try and be independent but I got some concerns--" and he's barely even halfway through it before you're just, TEAR EXPLOSION, "i hate working for him, I HATE IT, I wanna work HERE full time, but I don't have a place to staAaaAaay" and just. Some UGLY crying because you're at wits end

Zero hesitation here's Asmodeus "Sweetie what kind of apartment do you want??? You want a penthouse? I can get you a penthouse?? You want some shopping money?? Tell Big O whatever you need." and the next thing you know Valentino is scrolling through Sinastagram and has to do a double take as your account starts posting all kinds of photos of you looking cute and having fun and, poolside in a bathing suit and you're becoming more comfortable with your body and your sexuality and, he's thirsty absolutely, goes to try and tease you or make fun of you and you're just like "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid" and just ignore him as Val is forced to watch you pal around with Asmodeus (either as just friends or total fuck buddies like, deadass catch me out here "hey so, there's this position I've always wanted to try--")

[luvhughes43]

blakes relationship dynamics with her brothers:

quinn: blake tells quinn absolutely everything. when she was younger, the two of them hung out by blake "forcing" him to watch all of her tv shows with her (gossip girl, pretty little liars, etc.) and so they just fell into this routine of watching tv and gossiping with each other. as they've aged tho and quinn went to school they couldn't watch tv as much, but they would text each other weekly updates and just gossip. like quinn was the first person to know about blake and nico because she was texting and calling him just explaining every minor detail of hers and nicos interactions.

anyway, when quinn went off to umich he kind of stopped talking to blake for a little while? not intentionally but he was busy with school and hockey, and blake was really upset. she was going through a lot (abuse, an ed, and competitions) and she just really needed her older brother around. they figured it out of course, when quinn finally got his shit together but blake was really sad for awhile. and of course a phone works both ways but quinn just got so bad at answering her texts that she just stopped altogether.

jack: we're literally inseperable as kids. but as they got older jack just got louder, and blake kept to herself plus they were both so focused on their respective sports that they drifted a part. jack knew a lot about how blakes coaches were treating her + her skating through injuries and so he felt really guilty which led him to distancing himself from her during figure skating seasons.

when blakes retired from skating, jack goes to some of her therapy sessions with her and they work through all the guilt / tension. thats when shes living in nj too so they just become so close after that. jacks over at her apartment at least once a week for dinners and they hang out all the time.

luke: lukes like blakes son. she babies him beyond belief and she's always been the one to teach him things (like riding a bike, etc.). they both understood each other in a way the other siblings couldn't (the pressure to be gifted), and so they always just got along really well. blake also sort of projected herself onto luke, and wanted to protect him from injuries the best she could since her coach was always so hard on her. like she'd always tell luke to rest and not overexert himself which is why when she was injured and the family found out she'd been practicing through injuries luke got super upset with her. after that happened he didnt talk to her for weeks and she was so beyond upset. theyre of course all good now, but those weeks were awful for the both of them.

trevor (honorary brother): when blake met trevor she didnt have a lot of friends. she was homeschooled and then she was always training, so she didnt get the opportunity to meet a lot of people. but when trevor started staying with the hughes, they became really close. when her brothers/parents where busy they'd always hang out and whenever things would get really busy for blake and she would be secluding herself from everybody, trevor would write down music recommendations on a sheet of paper and slip it underneath her door (all rock music from the 80s which she kind of hated, but she listened to anyway).

trevor nicknames her "goldie" after she wins gold at the olympics and the two of them just become a pair of second siblings.

[cator99]

The conversation went like this: general pleasantries followed by her being like I'm so relieved you reached out to me because I really just want to have a more positive relationship with all of you guys and I know how annoying it is when a landlord isn't able to deal with things in a timely manner I get it I'm a renter too... i get the sense that, just as i had over-prepared for the conversation, she had over-prepared to apologize for the fact that the basement bathroom has a recurring leak issues that get patched up and then continue to cause issues meanwhile she's literally going through a divorce and has to keep postponing because she wants to be there when the repair dudes come to make sure they're doing their job properly but she has a big trial coming up and had to put it off by another week, it's really no big deal tbh... I assured her that she's been doing a fantastic job at staying on top of things and communicating with us oh my fucking god okay new girl is banging that fugly creepy white boy she keeps bringing over so god damn loud l cant wait for her to gtfo anyways yeah so we basically just spent 10 minutes getting on the same page like we good we good she just wants to make sure that everyone is chill in the house and we had a really good talk about what we all want from this but TLDR once we got down to business it went like this:

Me: Pins Girl is the problem

Her: omg slay I fucking hate her please go on

Me: yaaaas she fucking sucks here's some tea sis....

Her: ok work so I'm not crazy for being like maddd uncomfortable around her like one time this thing happened...

Me: omg lol no seriously she's vile here's another wild example related to your anecdote....

Her: no way bestie she did that to me too. Just 0 to 100 in an instant I didnt even know what to do just being accused of every -ism under the sun

Me: yeah no that's just kind of how things go with her you cant get so much as an innocent Hello in without her immediately labeling it a hostile attack

Her: yas okay good riddance so what's the deal with this new girl she's her friend should I be concerned

Me: oh girl.......... so, no not really she's a sweetheart and also– thank god– fully employed. Absolutelyyy messy as hell tho so that's one of my biggest concerns. I think it would be best if you didn't add her to the lease no shade but she's really not a great fit since we're all older and chill and clean af

Her: ...and the rest of the concerns? Oh my god do you think [PG] will try to move back in if we decline her friend???

Me: no wayy she wants OUT out she's already got a new place lined up and her shit in boxes at the door waiting to be hauled off forever

Her: omg like. Far? Like is she moving far? Please tell me she's moving sooo far

Me: yes lmao dont even worry I dont know the exacts but it's nowhere even near here

Her: okay slayyyyy thank you for being dope as hell it's such a relief that this crazy person is gone so we can all just chilllll

Me: okay so about that

Her: ohhh no

Me: yes so you already know what we're dealing with. You know how she deemed me unworthy of being on speaking terms with her? I didn't mind that at all and really just kept tf to myself. Then suddenly she moves in this friend of hers and I just assumed this was done with some sort of approval from you, because that would be the normal thing to do.

Her: okay that's kind of wack, do you guys not like get a vote on these sorts of things

Me: I stayed out of it plus like I'm really not gonna start questioning her and risk putting myself in the line of fire and everyone is pretty much in that position as well

Her: omg no fr...

Me: so like I just kept to myself and my work without thinking about it... then I find out she was living here totally off the record when PG sent that email requesting that she be added to the lease. That's when the conversation opened up. And listen this new girl is super young super naive didnt realize that she was even doing anything wrong and then suddenly everyone's totally freaking out and realizing that this goes against the lease agreement and that if you find out, our ability to live here is jeopardized. She got us into hot water and then just... left us to deal with the consequences.

Her: she's still legally bound by the lease until it changes so if anything goes wrong she wont be escaping accountability no matter how many -isms she throws at me. I want this to work for all of us and we got this trust thang between us and I wouldn't evict you guys omg evictions are seriously sooo annoying and *most* of you have been great tenants especially (names everyone except for the unemployed ftm) they're all super chill and mature and we've had great conversations so yeah I'm just glad she's gone

Me: incredible yaas I love honesty. She has been actively impeding our ability to have a productive working relationship with you and each other it's so crazy

Her: literallyyyy😁🥂🔥yipeee

Me: yippee yaaaaay yay 😇��️💯

Her: okay so my game plan is to interview the new girl irl like no zoom bs I really wanna read her vibes and decide if this is worth it... I'll give her a chance but if that doesn't work out... I mean... tee hee..... the yearly house inspection is coming up...

Me: ok that's so dope. She's gonna be moving upstairs once PG vacates so its gonna be pretty hard to hide the fact someone's right there even just doing a quick walk-through

Her: yeah so if things don't go well and I decide against putting her on the lease and they still don't admit to having her there then at least I can talk to them about it when the inspection happens and be chill about it and pretend like I totally had no idea. We can work something out as long as everything is good you know what I mean... okay if you need anything at all dont even hesitate to give me a call

Me: absolutely and if I have any updates I'll let you know ASAP, lmk if you need anything srsly I dont want to cause you any more stress like from what i understand you've had a stressful enough year

Her: yes good lord i have, thank you for being considerate..... seriously it's been hellish and this conversation has been such a relief

etc etc obviously the conversation was longer and more thorough but you get the gist. She's awesome. We hung up and I skipped my way to the grocery store

[sillystarters]

it's always sunny in philadelphia season sixteen starter sentences.

starter sentences taken from episodes one - three from season sixteen of it's always sunny in philadelphia. part one of ??

have you ever seen teenage mutant ninja turtles ?

you spent close to $20,000 on a couch you never owned.

that's pretty bad business fellas.

now listen i have glued my hand to a door so they can't physically remove me.

you know, i know stuff.

that's money talk right there.

how much nut do you go through a month?

are you storing up your nut or are you blowing through it?

i'll give you fifty cents for a buck.

come, have a seat.

it was super cheap dude.

well listen, i don't really have any interest in your bulk tin of low end economy nuts.

yeah don't make a mess.

what's behind that door?

holy shit! what the fuck is this?

i wasn't tryin' to be crypto about it.

this is tits!

can i sleep in here?

we're gonna blow our shoes out with all this walking.

how is this not a big deal?

move past it dude, move past it man.

i really ultimately don't give a shit.

did you glue your hand to my door?

i can tell you're mad.

i can't deal with this.

and just leave me here all alone?

i don't wanna be a bad host.

you know what, this was a mistake.

i can't sleep.

what is going on with you dude?

what you workin' on there bud?

is that thing loaded, by the way?

get off my back.

you know what? screw this.

i am in the prime of my life.

okay so it was loaded, my mistake. don't be so dramatic.

it's not like anybody's in any real danger.

getting shot in the face is pretty cool.

i do care about the money though.

i got some bad news for ya, bud.

i figured you probably forgot too or something.

did you try to pull out your own teeth?

i'm so sorry.

i didn't have the heart to tell you.

those ungrateful bitches.

i can't believe you did this!

i'm not mad at you okay? it's fine.

you did make a mistake.

i didn't mean to upset you.

this is not working.

should we just attack him and take it?

shut up!

this is my worst nightmare in my entire life.

she burnt the shit outta me.

i got a little surprise for ya.

you wanna take it easy? goddamn. just one bite at a time.

ha! i almost ate my gun.

i hope everyone brought their appetite because i made quiche!

this is like, everything you've ever wanted.

that is ... sad.

this is so annoying.

alright, where to now?

a perfect day can't last forever.

what the hell are you doing?

you're outta control with that thing.

just barge right in okay don't be shy.

oh my god what are you doing here?

this is so distasteful.

asmr, dickweed!

how long has it been?

that's a definite pass for me.

this is a million to one shot and i've got a really good feeling about this.

our luck just turned around.

i don't wanna have my ass handed to me.

we have a problem.

whatever you do, don't laugh.

this is bad, dude.

what? why are you trying to break my door down at three in the morning?

i just wanted to ask if you could kindly keep the noise down.

this was very sweet of you to bake these for me.

it's a trophy, see? it says cunt of the year. that's you!

bad things are going to happen to you one day. i guarantee it.

you earned it!

we're not having bad luck, we're having good luck.

come here you rat! die!

it's time to make good on your end of the bargain.

what is your deal, man?

i'm going to beat you with my shoe!

we gotta take this seriously.

go make your apologies!

i'm done listening to this.

'just in case' is as good of a reason to believe in anything as any.

i don't believe in that bullshit.

well, that's not good.

that's a bad omen!

boy, that's a shame.

thank you for this.

i'm just trash right? that's what you said.

i got you a sixer!

i gotta show you something but you gotta keep it a secret.

you're not following.

it makes literally no sense.

a moment of your time?

i'm sorry your dad doesn't like you.