#we're scratching in solidarity

[tinapaysmp]

Empires smp Headcanons

Been having all of these in mind for a LONG long while. Many of these have been built up over the past months after reading different headcanons, fics, and content, along with my obsession over world building and fictional politics. So I feel like I need to make my own set of headcanons and AUs especially with a (maybe) future project related to this world.

So first I'm gonna lay out the basic politics in this world, starting out with which emperor is and isn't mortal. Why is that important? Well let's see,

(Important to note that I haven't watched every pov so there might be some holes and inaccuracies to canon here and there)

First of, most of the empires and nations could be categorized as either ruled by mortals or immortals/semi-immortals.

Mortals are typically the rulers of Pixandria, Mazelea, Mythland, Gilded Helianthia, the Lost Empire, the Crystal Cliffs, and the Grimlands.

Meanwhile Rivendell, The Codlands, The Overgrown, The Undergrove, and The Ocean Empire have semi-immortal rulers. Semi-immortal meaning that they live longer lives compared to the average human.

However, this is different from the Ocean and Codlands. For example, the merlings of the ocean empire and Codlands aren't as immortal as their rulers (Lizzie and Jimmy) but only have longer life spans in comparison.

Historically there has been 5 nations that have major political, cultural, and magical influences on the continent, Rivendell, Mazelea, The Ocean Empire, The  Lost Empire, and Mythland.

The Grimlands however has gained prominence for the past couple of decades due to their exports on gunpowder, weaponry, and technology. Primarily a farming nation, today people of different nations would travel to the Grimlands just to study advance redstone tech.

The Crystal Cliffs used to be an autonomous region from the Grimlands. They were given independence by the Grimlands peacefully after an agreement between the Count and Head Wizard. Most of the residents are of Grimland heritage, however the region has heavy Elven and Fae influences.

The political affairs of the Crystal Cliffs are handled by the Head Wizard, who is chosen by Gandalf (an immortal cat) in a ceremony. It is important for the Head Wizard to find a balance and intervene between the mortals and immortals. This typically leads to the Crystal Cliffs being neutral in most conflicts.

In a unique sense, the Crystal Cliffs is ruled by both a mortal (the head wizard) and an immortal (Gandalf the cat).

Gilded Helianthia used to be under the Empire of Mythland until they declared independence from them. This revolution was supported by Rivendell, the Overgrown, and the Codlands.

Rivendell saw the revolution by the Helianthians as a good way to cripple Mythland’s expanding influence from the northwest, and by extension, the Blood Sheep’s influence.

The Overgrown, headed by House Blossom, aided in the conflict because of the good relations between the Fae and the Helianthians. Helianthia had a culture and religion that closely respects nature, something that the Fae favored.

The Codland emperor meanwhile just did not like Mythland. They’ve been in conflict for centuries and Jimmy jumped on the opportunity to own Mythland somehow.

So Jimmy had his people fighting on the north, warding off Mazaelean forces from aiding Mythland.

His sister remained neutral during this period, however gave aid by sending troops to Codland in guise of Codlanders returning from the Ocean pilgrimage.

Important to note, all of this event happened two generation before Scott’s time period. So this would include Katherine, who avoids conflicts at all cost.

During this period, Mythland’s empire stretched to the west of the jungle, a territory that used to belong to the Lost Empire.

Mythland didn’t wanted to let go of the Helianthian region due to the fertile soil from the flood plains. The region produces majority of the wheat and other food products that Mythland heavily relies on to feed their populous and armies. This has been Mythland’s advantage over several nations and many nations also relied on Mythland for this.

Mythland in this conflict was supported by the Grimlands and Mazaelea. The Grimland was in a centuries long alliance meanwhile Mazaelea had a treaty with them.

The produce from the Grimlands aided Mythland in the war when they lost access to Helianthia’s farmlands.

This made the Fae and Elven armies advance to the southern jungles of the collapsing Lost Empire, intercepting Grimland exports to the north.

The Lost Empire was primarily neutral to the conflict. The rulers found the advancing Elven and Fae armies alarming and asked a meeting with the leaders of both nations.

They signed a treaty with them that the region will be given back to the Lost Empire if they allowed their armies to cut off the Grimlands' exports of potatoes to Mythland and Mazaelea.

This led to a great lost in Mythland, eventually giving Gilded Helianthia its independence.

The surrender also had Mythland give up a region of the jungle back to the Lost Empire (these territories did not lasted in their hands for too long due to internal politics and went back to Mythland within 20 years) along with disputed territories with Codlands.

For a long period after the revolution, Helianthia had hostilities with Mythland. This eventually mellowed out over a few centuries and nowadays the two nations are political allies that do regular trade with each other.

At one point in history, Mythland had a queen consort from Helianthia. This Helianthian queen helped Gilded Helianthia eased into the Wither Rose Alliance, allowing the nation to gain more trade and military benefits from the Grimlands.

The Wither Rose Alliance is a centuries old ally ship created mainly by the rulers of the Grimlands and Mythland before the Crystal Cliffs separated from the former. The alliance was created due to having a shared enemy with the Cod empire and to strengthen trade and military support.

The Crystal Cliffs originally was not a part of the alliance after their independence due to the nation’s desire to stay neutral. The nation only joined 5 decades after the Helianthian War of independence.

[ewingstan]

If you had a chance to recommend (real-world) superhero comics to the Undersiders, which comics would you recommend and why?

Oh, good question. Its been a minute since I was really into comics (I gotta figure out how to reactivate my Marvel Unlimited account), but I think I have enough background to come up with some good picks.

Lotta good options for Taylor. My first thought is to give her Ewing's X-Men Red (aka "the main reason I need to catch up on Marvel comics"), since a superhero story that focuses a lot on gaining and maintaining societal power and the work of governing as a leader in a super-community seems like it would appeal to the Warlord of the Boardwalk. Plus a lot of it is "kill the previous leader in a way that ensures you have a popular mandate," which I'm sure she'd be a fan of.

If we're talking Taylor at the start of the story or younger—well, I don't know if it makes sense to give her runs of the character she's most a pastiche of, but maybe something that fits the Spider-Man niche could still be appealing for a young down-on-her-luck aspiring hero? I could see her getting something out of the Simone or Ahmed Ms. Marvel runs, for instance.

(While Watchmen might seem like the natural pick, I'm pretty sure she'd lose a lot of enjoyment just from picking out all the ways Veidt's plan was obviously gonna fail for x y z reasons. Also dark deconstructions of superhero worlds would probably seem too familiar to her world for her to enjoy it.)

If Taylor would be interested in comics statecraft, Lisa would probably be more interested in comics spycraft and intrigue. Ewing's S.W.O.R.D. would probably scratch the same itch for her that X-Men Red would for Taylor (and Storm dramatically blowing off Doom would probably satisfy her after all the ulcer-inducing negotiations with Accord.) I might also give her Ewings New Avengers and USAvengers runs (look this is gonna include a lot of Al Ewing recs, get used to it early) if only because I feel like she'd enjoy how Roberto gets characterized in those comics. Magnificent bastard solidarity.

If we're giving comics to Brian, we already need to work past his defensive avoidance of anything that seems too childish, so I don't think we're getting anything pre-dark ages. That said, he famously thinks "looking mature" means "sick-ass skulls and leather jackets," so his idea of maturity might skew a bit into McFarlane territory. Ultimately though I think he'd be most comfortable with something where he could plausibly say "this isn't just a comic, it's actually a well-respected piece of literature." I'd want that to mean Moore's Saga of the Swamp Thing, but it'd probably actually mean The Dark Knight Returns.

As a dark horse pick, I'd give Brian some early New Warriors or Ewing's Contest of Champions, if only because Night Thrasher feels so close to what he wants his vibe to be (dramatic black leather ensemble with a very 90's idea of cool, unflappable expert strategist who pulls his weight despite a powerset with limited applicability, died horribly and came back much later for weirdly impersonal reasons) while also being just ridiculous enough to make me want to see his reaction.

Given Iota's commentary on Alec's pizza habits, I'd think Alec would most be a fan of something intense and bombastic and not mind if its often repetitive. I'd almost say Berserk would be a good match for him, but parts of that that might actually be triggering for him. Maybe some other ultra-violent longrunning work; I haven't read Fist of the North Star but it seems like a safe recommendation; various X-Force runs could work if we're sticking with Western comics.

Rachel really doesn't seem like someone who'd have much appreciation for any aspect of comics. The best bet would be something visually spectacular in a way that could be appreciated on its own, and a plot that's interesting taking issues on their own and not just as part of ongoing runs. I could see Ewing's Immortal Hulk as fitting those criteria; her power gives her an artist's appreciation for Bennett's horrific depictions of the Hulk's transformations (even if praising Bennett for anything feels in poor taste).

Ewing's scripts for each issue of Hulk are clever in a way that I feel Rachel could find entertaining; they don't require an attention she couldn't keep up, but also aren't simple to the point of being condescending. Plus, the thematic focus on "what can and can't be solved through unspeakable acts of destruction" would feel familiar in a way that's less frustrating than normal comic tut-tutting about how obviously we can't attack these guys (plus the greater willingness to say "oh yeah unspeakable destruction definitely is the best way forwards here" would be pretty satisfying).

I feel like Aisha would have more patience for comic tropes than a lot of the other undersiders, (I could see her enjoying the original Fantastic Four run), but at the same time she'd probably enjoy something a bit more complicated and out-there. Ewing's Rocket might be appealing as heist-focused mini, and I feel like the mix of melancholy and absurdity would appeal to her. Rosenberg's Hawkeye: Freefall would work for similar reasons, though replace "melancholy" with "simmering rage."

Morrison's Doom Patrol and The Invisibles both have characters Aisha might relate to for the whole "society largely ignoring or wanting to go away" thing. Plus they both have big weird ideas she'd appreciate, Richard Case's art works well with her aesthetics, and they're both seen as "respectable" series to the point that she might like peppering in references to them in alongside Jules Verne jokes.

Huh, I just realized that Aisha and Brian both ended up chasing an appearance of being mature and somewhat surface-level and off-putting ways. Brian "trust me I'm a normal adult man" and Aisha "I've compiled spider-man quips for every work in the Western Canon and will get frustrated when you don't get them" Laborn, the "something ain't right about that kid" siblings.

(I will say that Morrison's Doom Patrol has some weird black stereotypes so if anyone wants to pitch me on a similar work without Morrison's occasional racism I'd be curious).

I'd give Rowell's run on Runaways to Sabah, if only because "somewhat antivillanous found family group of teens that mostly don't have to worry about anything besides relationship drama" sounds like a nice escape for her. Closer to what she wants the Undersiders to be like. Also, I feel she'd enjoy Kris Anka's focus on fashion in his art.

I don't have a lot to go off for Lily. I could see some of the more recent Captain Marvel runs appealing to her sense of true-blue militant heroism. Ayala's New Mutants or Ahmed's Black Bolt might help combat her whole "villains are ontologically evil" thing, at least to a certain extent.

[beliveonit]

🐾 Dive deeper into the feline psyche with this groundbreaking study! 🧠🔍 Turns out, our whiskered companions view us not just as roommates with can-openers but as their true parental figures. 🚪🍽️

The research team observed various cat behaviors, from the "I'm ignoring you, but I need your warmth" sulks to the midnight serenades that make us question if we're living with a tiny opera star. 🌙🎶

➡️➡️Read The Study

Results are in, and it's official: every time your cat gazes into your eyes with those mysterious orbs, they're not plotting world domination – they're saying, "Thanks for being my mom/dad!" 😺👁️‍🗨️

Our homes are their kingdoms, and we are the benevolent rulers providing sustenance, chin scratches, and the comfiest spots on the couch. 🏰🛋️ So, here's to the late-night purrs, the strategic toe attacks, and the unconditional love that makes our lives infinitely better. 🌟💖

Let's share our favorite moments of feline parenting solidarity! Have your kitties shown their appreciation in hilariously unique ways? Spill the beans below! 🐾💬 #CatParentsUnite #FelineWisdom #ParentingAdventures #CatNapChronicles 🌙✨

[atonalginger]

Through Plasma and Flames, update #22

We're back with Preston this time as he reaches Diamond city with Chloe and Giddy to see what has Yefim so worked up. He's not sure what he can do but he won't sit around while a dear friend panics.

Chapter 22 is now live on ao3 and you can locate it here!

To start all the way at the beginning you can click here.

and as always a sneak peek under a read more:

“Get back!” Yefim shouted, his voice cracking and the metal bed frame scratching the wall, “Help!”  

“Giddy, back!” Preston stuffed his fears down and marched over to the doorway. She was standing right at the edge the bed with her head rested on the mattress staring sweetly at Yefim with her stub of a tail wagging happily. Yefim was now up, his back against the wall, staring wide eyed at the hound. Preston sighed and gave her hind quarters a firm pat, “get back, you’re spooking him.”  

“She’s yours?” Yefim looked at him, “is this the hound Vadim talked about?”  

“Yup, this is Giddy,” Preston gestured at the hound with a sympathetic smile, “She has decided her job is to take care of those she’s decided can’t take care of themselves.”  

Giddy’s tail wagged harder and she sniffed at Yefim.  

“It’s a super mutant.” He said flatly.  

“She’s tame,” Preston stepped into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed, “aren’t you, girl?”  

Giddy wiggled her whole body, drool dangling from her jowls as she panted and danced on the floor. Yefim seemed to relax a little and pulled himself over to sit behind Preston, keeping the Minuteman between him and the hound for now.  

“Rudy and Scarlett told us about the guy that’s been haunting the Dugout,” Preston turned his body to better look at his friend, “What sort of questions was he asking, other than where your brother was?”  

“When he’d be back, why he left, if he planned on staying, why he worked with the General, What he did around the Dugout…”Yefim took a ragged breath and hugged himself, “Rudy came around the counter with the swatter after that and the guy left without a word. I didn’t answer his questions. I kept repeating that it wasn’t his business.”  

Not good, “you did well.”  

“You need to radio Dawn and tell her to keep Vadim away,” Yefim shook his head as tears started to form, “I don’t want that guy nabbing him. Please, tell them to stay away.”  

“You realize I have less control over those two than I do with her?” Preston pointed at Giddy, “telling Vadim to stay away will guarantee he comes back.”  

“I can’t…they can’t…” Yefim started sobbing, “I can’t lose my brother, Preston. They’ll take him and replace him with some copy and I can’t…”  

Preston wrapped his arms around Yefim and pulled him close. His friend’s tears fell into his scarf and coat lapel, his sobs muffled by the soft fabrics. Giddy sidestepped closer, her big head on Preston’s lap to get as close to Yefim as she could. She whimpered in solidarity, her tail moving slow as she watched him.

[cityandking]

round two, this time with a clear theme: 6, 7, 34, 35, 58, 69 for minah + dai!

I see we're going fishin' // get to know my d&d characters

6. which party member do they relate to the most?

MINAH — to be honest, I don't think she really relates to anyone. I guess she and rhydian are both in the Maladjusted Rogues With Dead Dads club, but she doesn't really see herself in him (or vice versa). every now and then riya reminds her of her younger self, but minah's so far from that person that it's not exactly relating. being haunted, maybe. DAICHI — unfortunately mr. ozy "cinematic parallels" mandias. for all that there are parts of ozy that daichi fundamentally doesn't get, there are also parts of him that are intimately familiar. same sides of opposite coins, maybe.

7. which party member do they understand the least?

answered!

34. which party member do they go to in a crisis?

MINAH — imagine minah going to anyone in a crisis. imagine how terrible a crisis it would have to be for minah to willingly reach out to someone about it. I want to say leo because he's team dad (and they're training buddies!) but if it were really bad enough for her to reach out, I think she'd talk to cian. she'd want a thoughtful response and discretion, and in her opinion cian's the best person to go to for both those things. DAICHI — it's unlikely dai would single one person out if he were in a crisis (tbh it's unlikely daichi would go to anyone at all without doing some serious crisis-thinking about it himself first) but if it had to be just one person, it would be zaref. boyfriend privilege. (never mind that zaref's advice tends to be a big question mark.)

35. which party member do they worry for?

MINAH — rhydian. not that other party members haven't exhibited concerning behaviors (riya getting charmed by a demon, leo breaking people's fingers) but rhydian is a) just a little guy and b) seems to be actively trying to deal with something he has no handle on and she's equal parts worried for and about him. plus she likes him. rogue solidarity! (honorable mention to cian, who is also just a little guy and also increasingly traumatized. sorry for the murders buddy) DAI — all of them. it's in his job description. if he had to single anyone out, probably scratch — she puts her heart on the line most often, which leaves her most easily hurt. (honorable mention to zaref in any situation where he has to make a WIS save. rip my guy and his negative mod)

58. what do they think their role in the party is? what is their role in actuality?

MINAH — she really doesn't see herself as having any particular role. if she had to pick something, she'd probably point towards her experience with the troupe (traveling, performing, going abroad, engaging in some light crime) and consider herself one of the more traveled/worldly members of the party and a voice of reason/advice in that particular arena. in actuality she's Miss Pockets with the sticky fingers and the Items. (tbh I'm not sure what her role actually is. she's just hanging out and being evasive.) DAI — he considers himself the responsible one. not that the rest of the party can't be responsible, that's just the role he's always filled and the one he defaults to. (post-abyss he's much worse at this. he's out of practice.) in reality... I mean, regardless of everything else he's still the healer. he's got that to fall back on

69. how would they describe their party members?

MINAH — as a collective: skilled, curious, in over their heads cian: quiet. kind of soft. he's a little too green for this (though after the last fight she's thinking maybe she is too, so who is she to judge). immensely empathetic. kind of a mystery. leo: team dad! generally a steady and stabilizing presence, except that the ease of his violence scares her. he reminds her a bit of alesso — big and at ease and approachable with something hard inside to watch out for. an excellent cook. rhydian: awkward. young. skilled and sharp and an excellent shot, but still so young. kind of a fucked up little dude (affectionate). riya: blindly privileged, which is often annoying. impressive in a fight. powerful but sad and maybe a little lonely. she can be amusing sometimes. dedicated and driven when she cares to be. nanna: the very best DAI — as a collective: prone to getting overinvested in other people's business. bane of governments everywhere dobin: sooo smart. bright. dedicated and hard working. a bit of a mystery. ozy: kind of a mess. old and experienced and worldly but not necessarily wiser for it. a tragic figure but not pitiable. adrift. sly and charming when he cares to be. impressive in a fight. strong and stubborn. admirable, despite everything. there's still a part of daichi that sees him as someone to learn from. scratch: the biggest heart of anyone he knows. meddling. emotionally-driven. curious, smart. incredibly stubborn (sometimes a little annoying about it). fundamentally a good person down to her core. not the greatest artist but she sure does try. zaref: stoic. strong. funnier than you might expect. charming. patient. hot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[sinceileftyoublog]

Olivia Rodrigo Album Review: GUTS

(Geffen)

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Olivia Rodrigo had wanted to title her second album "GUTS" since she was making her debut, SOUR, because she was interested in the various colloquial contexts in which we use the word. No, you're not going to find the singer-songwriter's second album on the shelf next to Exhumed's back catalog--referring to entrails is about the only meaning Rodrigo doesn't conjure from the word. She mentions "spill your guts," and the album certainly has the same diaristic quality as her first record. She also brings up the phrase "hate your guts;" lo and behold, at times on GUTS, Rodrigo foregoes the sarcasm and facetiousness of SOUR for full-on diatribes and revenge fantasies. But the connotation that stands out most to me, listening to the record for months after it's now come out, is one of courage. Simply, it takes a lot of guts to make an album like this.

From the start, Rodrigo sets up the unrealistic expectations she's under, physical and behavioral, both as a young woman and as a celebrity. On the Joan Didion-inspired, dynamic and choral "all-american bitch", she sings "I'm grateful all the time / I'm sexy, and I'm kind / I'm pretty when I cry," fully aware that she's encapsulating a caricature more than a real character. Appropriately, she spends the rest of the album contradicting the idea of the ideal feminine. Knowingly regretful, she hooks up with an ex on the stuttering power pop jam "bad idea right?" She's jealous of a "dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate" on the layered and ghostly "lacy", her vocals and producer Dan Nigro's synthesizer skyward before they come crashing to a painful, realized whisper. On piano and strings ballad "the grudge", she posits that while "It takes strength to forgive...I don't feel strong." Rodrigo swims in imperfection.

Rodrigo's deep dive into her own humanity, though, sets her up for longer lasting strength. For every lambast of "bloodsucker" and "fame fucker," iconic as they are, there's a line like on "logical" where she sings, "I know I'm half responsible / And that makes me feel horrible." Synth rock standout "love is embarrassing" is especially impressive, as Rodrigo collates all the cringiest things she's ever done--the type that would keep most people up at night--and turns them into a singular anthem of teenage awkwardness. On "making the bed", she realizes that as much as she's resentful of certain aspects of her life, from the toxicity of the music industry to her penchant for social errors due to homeschooling, she has the ultimate agency to change things. She's stated the song was the hardest on the album to write, and the delicate balance between blame and acceptance is palpable. There are even multiple layers to "get him back!" Sure, Rodrigo wants "to meet his mom and tell her her son sucks," but she also wants to reconnect. Otherwise, why would she care?

Ultimately, GUTS has proved to be one of the most rewarding pop records of the year due to its sheer humanism. You can find solidarity in a song like "pretty isn't pretty", a shimmering dream pop standout instrumentally wedged between "1979" and Alvvays, one that decries the extent to which capitalism promotes unrealistic standards, beauty or otherwise. But it's closer "teenage dream" that ensures the album ends not on a bang, but on a relatable wince. Small moments, like the pseudo "you're not from around here" record scratch after the first chorus, build up the unease to emphasize Rodrigo's final moment of self doubt: "They say it gets better / But what if I don't?" Kudos to Rodrigo for putting to words and music what we're all thinking all the time.

[rjalker]

Made with speech to text. Forgive random typos.

If somebody asks you why the Harry Potter books are bad and your only response is that JK Rowling is transphobic then you are not listening to anybody except people enough like you.

The Harry Potter books are bad because they are racist and antisemitic and fatmisic. They promote, defend, and glorify slavery.

Edit: There is some transmisia in the books with the way Reeta Skeeter is handled/portrayed:

i have a correction -- the way reeta skeeter is portrayed in the harry potter books is absolutely transphobic. iirc she's described unflatteringly as "mannish", transforms herself in order to spy on (female) child characters (she gets caught & trapped in her transformed state as a result), & is generally presented as obnoxious, demanding, & unreasonable, the way terfs falsely think trans women are. it's not "man in a dress" to be fair but you can still see it if you look

tl;dr -- minor transphobia IS present in the books, in the way one female character is demonstrated to be villainous by giving her stereotypical "trans predator" traits, probably subconsciously on jkr's part

(Ty @technoxenoholic)

but that does not change the fact that there are a million and one other forms of bigotry in the series that also need to be criticized and also need to be held up as reasons the series is shit.

JK Rowling being a TERF inherently makes her shit bad, but that is not why Harry Potter /in particular/ is a fucking garbage pile of bigotry.

If the only thing you can come up with to explain why the Harry Potter series is bad is that JK Rowling hates trans people, then you are not listening to people of color, you are not listening to fat people, you are not listening to Jewish people, you are not listening to anybody that is not like you.

People have been criticizing the bigotry in the Harry Potter series for decades. Ever since they came out. If you only start caring about the bigotry in the series now that JK Rowling openly hates trans people, if you literally do not understand or even know about or notice any of the bigotry in the books despite you having read them, then you literally just need to stop talking and start listening to other fucking people.

I read these books when I was a kid. And even as a little fucking kid the bigotry in these books pissed me off even though I didn't have words for what they were. Anytime I looked for Harry Potter fanfiction, it was literally specifically shit that was taking the entire thing apart and rebuilding it from scratch to not be a glorified fucking dystopia that we're supposed to pretend is awesome and amazing when it is filled to the brim with fucking bullshit and bigotry and horrible shit we're supposed to cheer on.

Yes, you should hate JK Rowling for the way she hates trans people. But if literally the only only fucking reason you hate her and you hate her writing is that she hates trans people, you're just a shit person.

If you've read the Harry Potter books 10 times each or what the fuck ever it is you people like to brag about, and your only take away for anything bad about it is that JK Rowling is a TERF, then you are just not fucking good at this.

So many of you people proudly claim to have read the Harry Potter books cover to cover 10 times hundreds of times blah blah fucking blah but cannot even come up with the most basic summary of the bigotry in the series except for saying "oh well JK Rowling is transphobic now so that's why the books are bad that's why I don't read them anymore. Because of the transmisia. And nothing else"

Solidarity or drown motherfuckers. Stop reducing everything JK Rowling has done wrong to her just hating trans people and nothing else.

[zero-insignificance]

DND Recap: The End?

Cast includes: Rose the DM, Bob (yours truly), Truk, Patrick and Zara

We open the session fresh off killing Starscourge Radahn the second time. He has turned into a puddle of a lot of ectoplasm. Bob harvests 200 gallons of ectoplasm.

We have a new item we can use in combat.

Ectoplasm Jello Shots. Makes you intangible for 1 round of combat and you can take 2 every long rest.

The party is futzing around in the arena while Rose gets food from 711. Truk gets to play with wielding 3 Radahn's great swords. He gets a cease-and-desist letter from a Shiba Inu after making a reference to an out of game character. The swords vanish cuz that would be SO overpowered. Zara is up to God knows what. Patrick is investigating. Bob sets out a disk, presses a button and runs and out pops a 6-person tent.

Phillip pops out of nowhere (aka Rose has their 711 snacks and is back home) and states that we're going to have to do more than just beat Starscourge Radahn to beat him and get Bragar back.

Phillip: Imaginary technique Bob: Just like your bedroom technique, which didn’t exist. Phillip: *explodes* (this is not canon)

Bob the Builder is canonically in Hell

The floor gives out from underneath everyone and everyone starts falling except for Bob cuz he got wings and he collapses his tent, grabbing it before letting himself drop. "weeeeeeeeeeeee-"

We land in a ball pit and Bob is just like "Why am I the only one with wings?" as he flutters over the party.

And Truk finds a yellow rabbit plushie and picks it up and then Alfie pops up out of the ball pit "Sorry that's mine-" and he grabs the rabbit before replacing it with fucking Plush Trap "See ya!" and he dips.

Bob: PUT IT DOWN- Truk: Should I put it down? Everyone: PUT. IT. DOWN.

Truk drops Plush Trap and the moment it hits the ground the lights flicker, and it's gone. Bob knows that the little fucker is the ball pit and is like "Alright let's get everyone out of the ball pit. If something grabs your leg, punt it."

We look through the room and find 4 coffins. Each of them has each person's true name on it.

Zara immediately scratches her's out. Truk admires the quality of the coffins. Bob blushes at his cuz it says D'Avariss Gilbert Redfeather and then he covers the name with yellow duct tape before chiseling that out. And Patrick is sad because the 4th coffin says "Ender Danak Zordak" which foreshadows the next session because Patrick does not know who he is. Bob took his memories for reasons to be revealed.

Patrick puts a hand in the coffins and he must make a constitution saving throw. He succeeds with flying colors and he gets this urge to lay down in the coffin but he fights it off. The coffins are all unus annus themed for each character. So, Bob's is purple and sparkly and plant themed. Truk's is pink. Zara's is probably solid black with chaotic flames on it. And Patrick's is somehow changing colors.

Bob and Zara like to chat cuz mlm and wlw solidarity and Zara is surprised that Bob's is purple. Bob: My old patron made me say that my favorite color was green cuz it pissed me off, but Alfie gives me more free will and I am proud to say that my favorite color is purple. Green is my least favorite color. Zara: Sounds like an asshole.

There’s a skeleton with celebrity signatures everywhere. It asks for Truk autograph. Truk signs his name right next to one that says "Glitta Fah Faes" and the skelly boi gives Bob a chipper greeting.

At some point Zara pulls her hood over her head suspiciously and everyone is like "what's wrong?" Zara tried to lie to everyone Everyone: Bullshit. Truk: Zara. Bob is allergic to bullshit. Literally. Bob: *hives* ow. Truk: Here you go *heals* Bob: I appreciate you.

We've passed the trial of the coffins and the wall of skeletons's wall just vanishes revealing a long hallway that Bob can see the end of. 120 feet of darkvision

They head down it cuz they don't get bad vibes.

And there is a round table at the end of the hall. It's Saturday so no poker.

Bob and Truk can see that there is a tiny Rose sitting at the head of the table. They can only be seen by true gods, but Truk and Bob see their form as translucent since Truk is on his way to godhood and both of Bob's parents are full gods but one is chaos and the other is eldritch (those can't make a true hybrid for the sake of creation so those can either make a full god, full eldritch, demigod or mortal) so he's a demigod of chaos but will become a full god when Discord dies.

Zara sees nothing. Patrick sees nothing. The Rose gestures for us to sit, and Truk sits only to find that his but is stuck by a binding spell

Patrick: Don't worry, I HAVE AN ERASER- Truk: WAIT DON’T ERASE MY ASS-

So Truk grabs the edges of the chair and makes a strength check to jump and smash the chair. He succeeds but the chair butt is still stuck to his butt.

Truk: *touches chair butt* go *casts dispel magic* Bob: *trying to crowbar the chair but off* A- *slams into wall*

Bob: *20 fucking points of bludgeoning damage* ow... Patrick's player: He's in the family guy death pose. Me: Definitely. He knows human pop culture, but I don't. Bob: *to Rose* Why did you do this? In Game Rose: I thought it would be funny. Bob: That was a bit rude.

So, in world you can use dispel magic to repel magical beings. Also, out of combat if you cast a spell, it doesn't use any spell slots. Bob heals himself up.

And we explore the room. There are many many book shelves and a doorway that leads to a staircase. Bob tosses a rock down the stairwell and 18 minutes pass where everyone is through books and then a sound reverberates back up to us and the rock hits the ground at which Bob stops the timer.

Bob: *hiss* I don't like the sound of that. I don't like the sound of that at all... Zara: What? What is it? Bob: *doing the math* That was 18 minutes... 1080 seconds in 18 minutes... So that means its about... 108000 feet? And I don't like the sound of that... Patrick: How many football fields is that? Bob: American or normal? Patrick: American. Bob: 360? Patrick: That's a lot. What's a football field?

Bragar is Rizzing up Phillip the Ghost King Bob and Zara find one scroll each They get a scroll of Disintegrate with infinite uses Zara finds 1984 and the Communist Manifesto Bob finds then sets JK Rowling’s newest book on fire. Gains one point of inspiration from Rose. Truk gets the Hungry Caterpillar, Harold and the Purple Crayon, and Sun Tzu's The Art of War. Bob gives Rose 12 mozzerella sticks. They are gone in seconds.

And then we find the fucking MAGIC TREE HOUSE BOOKS. And the campaign members fucking love those so it's swarmed.

Zeus appears. Alfie appears behind him full morning voice “Leave.” sounding like GOW 4 Kratos. Zeus shits himself. He runs. Alfie is in pursuit with an axe.

And we enter the stairwell.

It looks like the never-ending staircase from SCP.

Rose: I hope you’re good at closing your eyes. Everyone: is it scp 096? Rose: … yes 

It's very dark and the only one who doesn't have dark vision is Patrick. Zara has 60ft dark vision because she's half tabaxi half human. Truk's eyes glow orange. Bob's glow purple. Zara's glow blue. Patrick can't see shit.

We go down the stairs for a while and eventually we get tired of it and decide to jump. We each have ways to negate fall damage, except for Patrick who is in Goliath form.

Truk: *jumps down stairwell in rage* Zara: *jumps down stairwell in cat* Patrick: *Slides down the stairwell railing* Bob: *jumps down stairwell slowing his descent with wings*

On our way down we each see 096 in the corner crying, but we don't see his face.

We jumped down 259 feet.

Truk takes 879 damage halved. He takes 438 damage. Relentless endurance so he survives.

Truk: OH MY GOD I CAN FEEL EVERY BONE- OH MY BACK. I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS I CAN SEE THE HORIZON- Hatsune Miku?! Miku: Just passing through! Bob: Let's heal you up before Alfie finds out. Don't tell your surrogate dad. We spend a bunch of time healing up Truk.

We see a metal door with a symbol on it.

Bob: OH- Uh that's not good! Truk: What? Bob: We're at an SCP Facility- Oh we must've dimension hopped. these people contain anomalies. We ARE anomalies.

Me: Did Rose break in and steal the gender stone? Rose: It’s canon. I was the breach. I stole the gender stone.

We all turn into SCPs

Bob is scp-049 (plague doctor) Templeton (Bob's pet copperhopper) is the 999 (tickle monster) Patrick is scp 073 (Cain) Zara is scp 2085-a (cybernetic cat girl) Truk is 682 (the unkillable lizard) Dee Dee is scp 173 (The Statue)

Bob: Oh Templeton you’re so CUTE!

Zara is just being followed by cyborg cat girls

We each gain slight characteristics of the SCP we are. So Truk hates humans. Bob occasionally talks about the pestilence and can't say heal. He'll only say cure. Patrick has respect for anyone who can beat him in a fight. Zara likes anarchy. So, nothing changes. And Dee Dee has a slight urge to snap our necks.

Bob checks to see if he still has his heels on. He does.

So, he's just walking through the facility like that one meme of the plague doctor with Ganster's Paradise but in high heels as he tells each person about the scp they are.

We find a security guy dying on the floor

Guy: *dying on floor* Truk: *unkillable lizard* Are you okay? Guy: I must be dead cuz you killed 50 of my men Bob: Here. Let me cure you. Guy: D: Bob: Don't worry I'm not going to touch you. Guy: What kind of drugs did I take- Bob: This may be hard to believe but we're not your scps we've had some sort of consciousness transfer into these guys.

Bob: GET IN THE BAG- I'M SAVING YOUR LIFE. So, the guy gets in the Nap Sack and all the robot cat girls get in the Nap Sack.

We have to get out of here or the fucking nuke under the facility will explode.

We meet that little girl scp. We come across the electric gates. Bob and Truk make it. Patrick and Zara take 15 lightning damage.

Bob is runway walking through the facility.

We find scp 725 (a whale) Bob: Can I take a photo? Whale: Yes Bob: My future husband will love this! *sends Alfie photo of whale* Alfie: YOU LUCKY FUCK-

Bob takes the cure all pill. Lucifer snatched the duckie SCP. Lucifer immediately bolts when he sees Zara. Truk is a teen dad. He adopts the death child. Bob: Get into the sack, child. Never mind the guard will go crazy.

Truk has a very painful transformation back to normal. The little girl lost her weird death powers but will still be a god of death. Bob steps through and just takes off the plague gear.

Ghost king is next to Bragar in bed. Bragar is the bottom. He is level 4 exhaustion. Phillip has no need to slow down.

The Guard turns into Banjo the Frog!

Bob: We don't have to fight. Just release your subjects and be the ruler they deserve! Phillip: Why should I free them? Bragar: Please hon. Phillip: Fine.

Phillip will be in the nap sack.

Bob: Who here in this party is mentally stable? Truk: I’m mentally stable *war flashback* Everyone: No you aren’t. 

Retconned. Bragar and Phillip won’t be together. Bragar is in a cage next to Phillips bed. Phillip is abusive af.

Patrick: Do you have a safe word? Bragar: Yes. I’ve used it seven times Bob runs over stealthily and picks the lock on the cage. Bob got locked in the cage a lot when he was with Phillip and went back to him many times. Me: That is why he knows how to lock pick. Everyone: :o

Rose shuffles through various stat sheets before settling on one with an immunity to psychic, radiant and necrotic damage but nixes the psychic immunity. Anyone can cast a vicious mockery if we want to regardless of us knowing the spell or not. Bob knows that Phillip's weak spot are insults targeted against his looks and telepathically relays that knowledge to his party. Any insults targeted towards his vanity will do double damage and Phillip will have to roll wisdom saves at disadvantage.

Battle Highlights!

Bragar: I can’t believe I thought you were sexy!

Bob: YOUR HAIRLINE LOOKS LIKE IT GOT FUCKED BY A WEED WACKER. Phillip: My love you hurt me- Why? Bob: BECAUSE YOU SUCK- YOUR MOTHER SHOULD’VE SWALLOWED YOU-

Patrick: You really looked at a walmart bag and thought that’s the ideal complexion, did you? Phillip: That stung-

Truk: You look like you were deep fried but the wrong way. Phillip: *succeeds save* Your allies are better at this than you. That was horrible. Truk: Yeah. I’m better at swinging my sword.

“Zara. Fuck the rolls what are you going to do” Zara ends up getting yeeted.

Bob: Your muscles look so fake. How much work did you get done since the last time I saw you? You should get your money back. Phillip: *ego deflates* Bob: *pulls out shotgun* *BOOM* Truk is sucking.

Bob casts disintegrate on the cage. The magic rips the cage to shreds and the shrapnel is consumed by blobs that are made of the missing texture blocks that absorb the shrapnel and the cage disintegrates.

Bragar uses his breath weapon. Bob: Alfie, can I have that bottle of wyvern whiskey? Alfie: Yes. Bob: Bragar! *tosses him the whiskey* CATCH! Bragar takes a swig and spews that at him in a second breath weapon. 

Bob: The founding father and Hades from Hercules look? Not cute. Disgusting. Critical fail. Double damage initially cuz the insult was targeted towards his looks. So, 48 doubled. 96 psychic damage!

Bragar blasts him with fire then sucker punches Phillip.

He is slammed into the ground. Bob picks up his face and shows him his reflection in the mirror because throughout the fight Phillip's physical appearance has been becoming more beast like. “Now the outside matches the inside” This shatters Phillip's psyche, and he crumples into ash.

Zara kicks the pile of ash.

Bob hugs Bragar because he knows what it's like. They now have a trauma bond.

500 gold for the bed frame 5000 gold dresser

Bob sold Phillip's shit. He splits the money with Bragar.

The little girl scp is named Morticia Frump. One day to take the last name Addams when she meets the love of her life, Gomez Addams.

The cat girls are now Zara's warlocks. She is on her own way to ascending to godhood.

Bob has 2 tally marks

Zara will become the God of Anarchy emphasizing the secondary name of the Champions campaign.

Gods and Monsters.

After using the Gender Stone, Rose chucks the Gender Stone into the void "Hey Alfie, you'll love this" Alfie: Is that the gender stone? Rose: Yeah, you'll love it. Alfie: ... I don't need it cuz shape shifting. Rose: Oh.

[tonysaintborgi]

The water pressure at the titanic is 400 times greater than at the surface, ~6,000 PSI, and any normal human would be pancaked under the equivalent of a pickup truck stood atop every inch of their body, however we're not dealing with a normal human! What we have here is clearly reddits only mermaid with a titanium skeleton! He would be just fine chillin at that depth.

I believe in him!

he'll be fine everything would conspire in just the right way so that he's scratched and bruised but alright. he would be cushioned just so perfectly and we'd have a "never before recorded in nature but theoretically known of" rare phenomenon of implosion where it actually breaks an end off and fires him like a bullet far enough fast enough the pressure doesn't get him and then he'll catch an upwards current and a dolphin who's the descendant of one he rescued from an evil fisherman when he was a kid will bring him scuba gear in an act of solidarity. he will surface quick enough that his water resistant watch would still be fine. also he'll surface right by a coastguard boat. he could do it. i believe in him

[sarah-sandwich]

Have you ever had to skip work because of lice?

I haven't thank god. But when my daughter was in preschool she had them for almost the whole school year because we could NOT get rid of them. It was horrible. It was stressful and embarrassing and exhausting. I cried many many times.

Then I finally bought a treatment with a different active ingredient and bam! They were gone.

So if you're dealing with lice right now, Nonny, sincerely my whole heart goes out to you. It's so hard. But learn from me and don't just keep buying the same product over and over bc you assume you're doing something wrong and not that the stupid lice have evolved to be resistant to the chemical used in the thing.

Unsolicited tips and info:

If you have lice, you'll need help. Don't try to tackle it all by yourself. It's okay to ask for help. This is a community thing we all fight off together.

The treatments can be pricey but they're worth it. When I was a kid my mom would slather our scalps with conditioner and then wrap plastic wrap around our hair to suffocate them. It worked then, but based on my experience I don't know that it does now

After using the treatment, have someone comb through your hair from root to tip with a lice comb (this comes with treatment stuff). They'll want to comb out any lice (you will likely find live ones, even after the treatment) but also get the nits. Any live lice will be sluggish but you'll want to keep any eye on them. I kept them wadded up in a wet paper towel which I would then tie up in a plastic bag and take outside to the trash.

Nits are the eggs. They look like little white ovals. You find them attached to strands of hair close to the scalp. You'll find most of them in the warmest places on your scalp: around your crown, behind your ears, and at the nape of your neck.

Change your clothes after the combing is done and put them directly in the wash. Your helper should do the same (they should also keep their hair tied back while combing if they have long hair).

Wash your bedding. Sheets, pillow, pillow case, blankets, etc. Bag up any plushies or other soft fabrics that can't be washed and put them in quarantine for a couple of weeks (this will be hard, I know, I'm sorry). We put my daughter's stuffed animals in trash bags and put them in her closet.

Vacuum

If you don't already have a zippered case for your pillow (it goes under your regular pillow case) now is a great time to invest in one. I still use them out of (healthy?) paranoia. It's much easier to wash the two cases than the whole pillow.

Don't stress too much about cleaning. You need to do it, especially in the room where you sleep and the area where you had your hair combed, but the lice need your body heat to survive. They won't last long in your carpet (24-36 hours). The most important part is the treatment and the combing. Kill the lice and remove them from your body.

Repeat the treatment as recommended on the packaging. Usually it suggests doing another treatment after 2 weeks. This will make sure to kill off any newly hatched lice that might have been missed as nits.

Most Importantly

It's going to be okay. Give yourself some comfort. You deserve it.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 1 "Pilot" & Ep 2 "Hell Week"(Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

Something really bad happened.

Did you just get your period all over yourself?

This isn't my blood.

Who told you you could have a baby here tonight?

I'm sure I can walk if I can just get some Gatorade.

I don't care if you can walk.

How are we supposed to get you to the front door without everyone seeing you all gross and postpartum?

No one wants to see that at a party.

This is super embarrassing.

I didn't even know I was pregnant.

You guys, they're playing "Waterfalls."

Is that a baby? Amazing.

I am not missing "Waterfalls" for this. "Waterfalls" is my jam.

Give the baby some mojito to quiet it down.

How do you know she's dead?

These are my minions. I don't know their names. I don't want to know their names.

I have a colonic at 10

Life is a class system.

Oh, still a lot of puke to scrub.

Yeah, you have an amazing skill at telling people what they need to hear.

I'm sorry. Did I ask you to pull down my panties and blow a compliment up my butt?

I hate sororities, and I hate you.

First of all, I'm not a lesbian.

You see, out in the real world, people just don't talk that way to other people. It's not normal.

Well, that sure sounds suspicious.

No one forced that goat to get as drunk as it got.

Historically, short people are sneaky backstabbers, like Napoleon or Paul Shaffer.

I could actually handle that you're built like a Thai ladyboy, but what I can't stand is that you think you're my heir apparent.

Don't you want me to spray-tan you?

I would honestly rather not have you around.

The police still can't figure out who filled that tank with hydrochloric acid.

It's good enough for me, and the D.A., who, last I heard, considers the case closed.

What is that skirt?

Your organization might want to find a lawyer.

I'm a pretty smart cookie.

I would not get personal with me, sweetheart.

I don't fight fair.

I am sentimental.

Look, girls are vicious, okay?

I don't have any of my own memories.

Just like we planned. Three-second silent hug, and then you leave.

Ooh, somebody call CSI, because there was a murder scene in that bathroom.

Someone puked in the sink and I'm pretty sure I saw an actual ringworm climbing up the wall. I'm not afraid of anything, but that bathroom scared the crap out of me.

This is gonna be a year of infinite possibilities.

Hold this. It's too heavy.

You didn't knock!

Look at them. They're the dregs of society.

Each one of these gashes is worse than the next.

She smells like hot dog water, and probably sprained her neck giving blumpkins down at the local bowling alley.

Look, I'm not saying that all heterosexual sex is rape. I'm saying all heterosexual sex is gross, and that deep down, every woman knows this.

All that girl's after is a whole lot of bikini burger.

Hey, girl, can I just ask you, what's up with your outfit?

God knows what they're talking about, basic bitches.

What fresh hell is this?

I need you to stay popular, 'cause if you want to stay at the top of the list of the pieces of ass I'm getting, there's criteria. And the criteria is you got to be popular.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, because I'm getting really pissed off.

Stop fake crying.

Anyone you dated would be popular. I mean, they would be popular because they're dating you.

My ego, it's super strong, ok, but it's not strong enough that I can just go around dating garbage people.

Like, yes, I could find a random girl who wasn't popular, and, yes, if I started dating her she would then become popular.

But you said you loved me.

I do sort of love you.

I would love you a lot more if other people loved you, too.

Okay, I need you to leave because you're bumming me out

We're just trying to have a nice day hitting golf balls at hippies.

Pretty girls, like you and me.

That's why I'm gonna burn your face off.

Ugh! You burned the milk!

Next time, I get you fired, or worse.

Actually, I just want a regular coffee. Those white girl pumpkin spice lattes annoy me.

I like to think of myself, uh, as an investigative reporter.

I had to get a restraining order.

I tend to get a bit passionate about things.

Look, you intentionally led me on.

You kept acting like you liked me just so you could humiliate me.

Enter, ye who dare.

I love a creepy collage.

It's about kicking the living crap out of someone when they disrespect you.

I was just in your room, where I noticed you have a sizeable shrine with evil burning candles, photos of me with my face scratched out and pairs of my stolen panties.

How about I just drown you in it?

Well, of course she's dead! You just burned her face off!

You don't die from getting your face burned off.

There's a dead woman in your kitchen.

I'm going to the authorities.

That's not how I saw it. And my witnesses agree.

You're an awful person.

Who wants cocktails?

How did my life turn into this?

Have you seen the way girls dress on this campus?

I'm sitting in the same office I used to throw bricks into.

You're awful in bed. Are you aware?

I'm gonna take a pair of your panties.

I'm gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here.

Try to figure out who gave you such disgusting mommy issues.

You loaded a dead body into a freezer.

What are you proposing?

I want to help you with your exposé, secretly feed you info.

You need eyes on the inside.

I don't know what to do with the body.

Are you saying dead bodies don't turn you on?

You are so lame, you know that?

God, I love all that death stuff.

Show me the body.

Show me the dead body.

This blood oath will ensure solidarity among us. We are all related now.

I just Googled "blood oath" and this is what came up.

What does this oath even mean?

I just need you all to not say anything about what happened, and I figured a blood oath was cheaper than buying you all presents.

Wait, what about STDs?

Idiot, you don't get STDs from blood oaths.

You get STDs from dirty toilet seats and drinking the water in Mexico.

Um, "STD" stands for "sexually transmitted disease," which means that it's transmitted sexually.

When were you in Mexico?

You know what, forget the blood oath.

I can't stay silent!

I'm calling my mom, and I'm going home.

Okay, Pissy Spacek, you and I have a few differences we need to iron out.

I want you to be one of my minions.

It's the gateway to the top of the heap.

You put on a good front, but you're miserable.

Don't you think any of that has anything to do with the fact that you've created an atmosphere based solely on negativity and raw ambition?

Can we talk for real for a second, please?

I mean, you're so confident without being mean. What antidepressants are you on?

Don't you see that all that's happened isn't a crisis? It's an opportunity.

Yeah, no, I tried. See, I really tried. But all of this flowery, peace-on-Earth crap, it makes me want to puke.

You haven't even seen half of what I'm capable of!

Totally spit in your coffee, bitch.

I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I'm enjoying this.

Is that killer noises or am I hallucinating?

I'm gonna ask one more time, will you speak up?

What can you tell us about the murder?

There's an exodus right now.

The risks are real, but we need to close ranks.

I don't feel comfortable with a man protecting me. It's representative of the patriarchal, post-colonial culture that encourages violence against women.

We buy a pig and feed it the body. Pigs will eat anything.

Don't go skating on those poop lagoons, because if you fall in, you'll drown in the poop and come springtime, there'll be nothing left of your body.

Here's what you should do. Pulverize her teeth, burn off her fingerprints, and disfigure her face. Once her body is unrecognizable, we can create an incision on her inner thigh and drain out all of her bodily fluids. That'll give us more time to deconstruct the body.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot of work. You need a really good food processor, and you run the risk of fouling the plumbing, which is why you should only do it if you know how to clear out meat and bones from a drain pipe.

I'm willing to help in any way possible.

You're obviously a psychopath and those ideas are insane!

Why are you trying to terrify us?

Can I call you Mom?

I feel so loved and protected by all of you.

Actually, it's a new pop culture trend where young women desperately in need of role models call other girls they look up to Mom.

I thought you'd be cool with it.

I mean, I did just give you several ways to dispose of a body.

Okay, fine. Just stop talking.

You are so friggin' creepy!

Someone just mowed off a deaf girl's head in our backyard.

I mean, as you can see, I'm not licensed to carry a sidearm.

Wait, so you don't have a gun?

I have pepper spray. And I have a walkie talkie that I can use to call the police, who do have guns.

What good are you?

Get the hell out of there. Run away, real fast.

Now, I would give you my number, but my cell phone is off right now.

If you want the place clean, maybe you shouldn't have burned the maid's face off.

Don't you wonder what's in there?

People have been whispering about that house for years, that it's haunted, that something really bad happened. I mean, there's no way there isn't some real-life story behind it, right?

I'm gonna have to break in.

I mean, I don't think anyone's gonna get killed in the 30 minutes we make out, right?

Can you stop talking?

You're kind of ruining whatever was good about it.

Please try to understand the situation I'm in.

I don't give a rat's ass about your job.

You know, I find good parenting incredibly attractive.

You're a snoopy little bugger.

Whose bloody clothes are those?

Supposedly, it was a super fun party.

We're all gonna pay for this.

I think it's all crap. Just a myth.

What happened to the baby?

Sometimes I picture myself like Derek Jeter, you know?

I'm gonna choke you out.

There's a serial killer on the loose.

Please don't say you want to choke me.

I'd love having sex with your corpse.

I'm sorry. This isn't working for me.

Well, I sort of am your boyfriend, and I'm protecting you by having sex with you.

No! I don't need a man to protect me.

How could I have wasted this much time?

Is my self-esteem really that low?

I'm sorry. I think we need to take a break.

I need you to leave right now!

You know, it would really help me feel better if I could just crawl into bed with you for a few minutes.

Are you gonna touch my wiener, or you gonna leave my wiener alone?

I'll leave your wiener alone.

Where are your hands?

He has a huge boner!

Why don't you go in there and ogle his big old boner?

Okay, uh, first of all, I'm not gonna go ogle his big old boner, because I'm not gay.

Look, I'm sorry everybody wants to have sex with me. Okay? I can't help that.

I'm hot. Everybody wants to get with this. Women, men, animals in the zoo, plants, probably.

You're gonna have to go right now, 'cause I am breaking up with you.

Excuse me, I broke up with you!

I regretted what I said, and I just wanted to come here and tell you that I am so sorry.

Well, I accept your apology. And now I'm breaking up with you.

Do you know why I'm breaking up with you?

You can't deal with how hot I am.

Sorry, I just broke up with you.

Can you please put some clothes on?

Um, they said, uh, I shouldn't be alone, you know, in case I fall asleep and die.

Can I just get you a robe or something though?

So you're saying I'm the killer?

Okay, this isn't about me thinking you're boyfriend material.

God, I was so gonna go to third base with you tonight, too.

What if we stapled their earlobes?

Private like the parts on a man you like putting in your mouth?

I want to publicly come out as gay on my own.

I mean, you guys have to accept everybody, right?

I actually think that's illegal.

I will come after you, do you understand that? I will destroy you.

I trust you'll consider my offer.

Name one bad thing that ever happened at a Best Buy parking lot.

You're just, like, super attractive.

Um, well, I was trying to be inconspicuous.

It's better than losing your life.

I have a thing for playlists.

Someone's got a poo belly.

Sweet Yeezus, I don't even know where to begin with you.

Bitch, I'm about to smack you so hard, your tampon's gonna pop out.

I heard screaming.

So you think the serial killer is still up there?

Upstairs to get the killer before he gets away!

You just said that you think the killer is up there, and that's where you want to go?

This is freakin' terrifying!

The killer is in the house! You hear me?

I need my damn inhaler.

What, am I supposed to be scared?

Don't even come out. We plan on getting drunk, and I don't want your bad attitude ruining it.

We're headed down to White Stallion to pick up some sluts, baby!

Yes, okay, I burned her slightly, but stop saying that I killed her.

That was a tragic accident.

I am a kind and devoted and loving friend to all.

I'm not some crazed psychopath.

Maybe you're the killer.

I will not be put on trial.

The truth is we don't know who the killer is, and, yes, I suppose it could be someone in this room.

You want to go first?

I banged, like, 50 chicks.

What took you so long?

[oceansmelodysblog]

Hyrule High School

Promotional fiction for @zelquiwi​ ‘s fanart on Twitter

Chapter 1

Zelda said goodbye to her ballet coach and stepped out into the sultry evening sun. A cooling breeze blew into her face and dried her sweaty face. She undid her braid and let the breeze blow through her hair. Zelda relaxed mentally and walked along the pavement. Bicyclists sped past her, twirling her white polka-dotted red summer dress. She shyly held her hem so as not to expose too much, as the dress only covered half of her thigh. She wore a white short shirt under her dress, white sporty shoes and a small bag with her ballet clothes.

The roar of cars and motorbikes deafened her ears, pedestrians shouted at each other, the paths were too crowded. Fathers and mothers with prams and people in wheelchairs were disregarded and jostled.

Dogs barked at each other while being held back with difficulty by their owners.

Zelda found the chaos too much, so she decided to take a diversion today, away from the main roads.

Fascinated, she watched the retro facades of the narrow streets, the colourful hubbub of the restaurants and the welcome invitations from the waiters to take Zelda to the restaurant. She smiled off gratefully and walked briskly along the paths.

She loved to stroll the streets after her hard ballet practice before returning home bored. As the 15-year-old pubescent daughter of a diplomat and a lawyer, the highest discipline was expected of her. It was tough, but she couldn't complain as it opened many doors for her.

When Zelda finally arrived at her front door, she sighed loudly. She knew the summer holidays were coming to an end and with it her freedom to devote herself fully to her hobbies.

Zelda moved gracefully through the corridors of the school to her classroom in her white blouse, navy blue school uniform blazer and matching skirt and was greeted warmly by her classmates, although she treated everyone equally, she felt most comfortable in the presence of her best friends Impa and Purah. The two were siblings with a year's difference, though they could be as different as night and day. While Purah was older than Impa, she was still a bright and fashionable model student in science. Impa, on the other hand, was the more sensible of the two, very well-versed in languages, politics, history and the subject of Hylia's teachings. While Zelda excelled in all subjects, the poor marks in the teachings of Hylia cast a mocking shadow over her report cards every time.

While Mipha, Robbie and Revali joined them, they were talking about their experiences of the summer holidays when the other students suddenly fell silent. It was still too early for one of the teachers, so the troop turned around curiously.

A young man about their age with blond spiky hair tied back stood in front of the blackboard and greeted everyone curtly.  He stood there with his chest erect and sporting clothes, scratching the back of his head nervously.

" Are you lost Link?" asked Revali mockingly.

"Revali don't be so rude. I hope you are all right." intervened Mipha. A girl who was always sweet and polite to everyone.

"Where the heck have you been all these holidays!" blurted out Impa.

"I'm fine, thanks," Link said, giving Mipha a smile without bothering to give Revali a glance. "I've been helping out in the countryside all summer." His gaze drifted from Impa to Zelda, who paid him no attention. "Hope you didn't miss me too much." He winked at Paya , Impa's and Purah's cousin, who blushed every time Link flirted with her.

He immediately noticed that the rest of the girls were also looking in his direction, whispering and giggling amongst themselves. They couldn't be blamed, because Link had an attractive charisma, fascinating blue eyes, an athletic figure and above all something mysterious about him, which was attractive to many girls.

"Don't pretend you'll be missed, you poor beggar have to sweep up cows' shit on your farm."

He whirled around and stared renegade at Revali, running towards him, but when both grabbed each other by the collar, Sakasai intervened while Cado and Dorian held them back.

"The holidays are only over, yet you are feuding blood. Let's enjoy this year peacefully!", Sakasai soothingly talked to them. His poetic expression was able to melt even ice-cold icebergs.

 Just when the situation had defused, the bell rang for the start of class and the teacher, Mr Daruk, entered the room.

"Link, Revali. As soon as you make eye contact, you bark like dogs fighting for territory in the street. I have a new seating plan here that will make sure you two sit far apart."

Mr Daruk was the linguistics and labour teacher. He was dark-skinned, broad-shouldered, with a muscular chest and a round beer belly. His white hair pointed in all directions and his full white beard went down to his stomach. He always prepared us, apart from the lessons, for the hard life after school. For which Link was particularly grateful, as he had to struggle especially hard in his neighbourhood.

"Revali, you will sit in the front row next to Mipha. Sakasai, please sit next to Paya. Link, you will sit next to Zelda." As an indignant murmur went through the class, the teacher thumped the teacher's desk, creating a silence that had never existed before. "I demand discipline! Now sit down at your assigned seats. You will see that you and your new neighbours will complement each other. Now to the order of the day..."

As he sat down, he felt how uncomfortable it was to sit next to Zelda, as she obviously couldn't stand him.

Therefore, he slid as far as he could to the edge of his chair so as not to get too close to her.

Link barely caught what the teacher was saying, he was too taken with her closeness. To keep a clear mind, he pulled his hood over his head and rested his head on his arms, which were folded on the table. He sighed. It was going to be a busy day at school, he thought to himself.

  "Hey bro, you alright? Up for basketball?" asked Sidon, who was his best friend, despite the fact that he was in a different class from his year. He was a hunk and towered over him by several heads. He had red hair, like his sister Mipha, but gold-shimmering eyes. Despite his imposing and intimidating manner, he was the most likeable Hylian he knew.

"Ayyo Bro, how you doin'? Throw me the ball!"

Link took off his hoodie and bared his muscular torso. He wanted to clear his head and stop thinking about how annoyed Zelda was at his presence. He wasn't even sure why she was and assumed she was looking down on him with her domineering appearance.

The mere fact that he had put his head down on the table and was boredly playing with his pens made her breathe an annoyed sigh and tap her foot impatiently. She was also the first to immediately pack up her utensils and disappear out the door without giving him a glance.

While he was shooting baskets with his best buddies, he was joined by the rest of his friends, including Cado and Dorian, one slim and athletic, the other broadly built. More boys gathered around him, whom he knew from his neighbourhood or from his sports clubs. He greets them all with a handshake and a brotherly hug: a fist to the brother's shoulders. This is how they signal solidarity and friendship to each other.

Sometimes they were joined by Impa, who would then go up against the boys and single-handedly finish them off in every game. Impa was a girl Link liked to have around because she was unbeatable. She was like a second sister to him, whom he respected and wanted to protect at the same time.

But when Link looked out for her, he found her agog with Zelda Purah and Paya discussing something and smirked. He could only guess what they were so animatedly discussing at the moment.

 "Phew, Link put some clothes on, your armpits stink big time."

Abruptly Link's mood changed, as if someone had hit him in the head with a shovel.

"It only started to smell when you got here, Revali."

The young Revali was not much taller than Link, had his hair braided into a boxer braid while two white dyed strands hung out of his braided hair. He had the eye shape of a snake and his eye colour and character were just as venomous. He was always out to make Link's life difficult and to flaunt his parents' wealth.

"Do you want to mess with me? You street dog have nothing to say to me, is that clear?" said Revali provocatively. Just like Link, he was surrounded by his boys waiting to bash each other's heads in.

"You can't do anything but play hardball, come on get lost with your wannabe gangsters."

A horde of girls from different years, cheered Link's and Revali's names as if it was some kind of competition.

Link wrinkled his nose contemptuously and stared renegiously into Revali's eyes. As a final sign of warning.

Sidon noticed the sparkling fire in the eyes of the two rivals and walked between them and stood protectively in front of Link.

"Hey yo bro, how about we settle this problem between you with a contest".

The girls who were just now cheering and gushing for Revali or Link were now screeching Sidon's name together as if his presence could put all disputes aside.

"A competition? Only if I choose the discipline. ", Revali said, but Link was about to intervene when his best friend held him back.

"We will choose three disciplines. Everyone will get one discipline they are particularly good at, while the third will remain neutral. Okay?" asked Sidon. Link nodded in agreement. Now it was up to Revali.

"On one condition, we're going to put this competition out to the whole school so everyone can watch me kick the shit out of that son of a bitch."

"Be careful what you say, we don't want your ego to be hurt anymore." Countered Link and turned away. It was already a foregone conclusion for him that he had to face his rival and win.

  Zelda watched the action of the rival boys while Impa and Purah argued about which motto would be more appropriate as a house party. She squinted over at the silent Paya looking distressed at the tense troop of boys on the basketball court. Zelda followed her gaze and immediately understood her expression. It was Link, who moved away from the group and sat down on a wooden bench, running his hands through his hair.

"Paya, go to him. He will be very happy to receive emotional affection from a pretty girl, like you. He might fall in love with you after all," Zelda said hopefully.

She shyly looked Zelda in the eye and turned bright red in the face. Purah and Impa interrupted their discussion and listened in wonder.

"That's right, Paya! Go get him!" Purah, Paya's eldest cousin, motivated her. Everyone knew that Paya was crazy about Link but was too shy to talk to him.

When Paya finally decided to go to him, Impa was about to stop her, but Zelda and Purah held her back. Impa didn't like it, because she knew Link very well and also knew what his heart was like. Her gaze rested on Zelda, who was looking contentedly behind Paya. Maybe she had to get involved after all and a house party by the pool would be the best option.

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

My friends and I are trying to make plans to go to a protest to support BLM, but we live in a small town and we're having trouble finding information online. Can you help us at all?

I hope some of my information will help. There are protests in several cities and states and more every day. Minneapolis, Houston, New York, Atlanta, Los Angeles, Chicago, Louisville, Oakland, Rhode Island, Charleston and several more. 

If you plan on protesting, please keep in mind that you could be arrested, and if you should here is a thread of lawyers who are offering their services pro bono for any protestor arrested 

If it’s not possible to protest but you still want to help, here is George Floyd’s gofundme set up by his family ||  here is a gofundme for homeless black trans women in need of support || here is a gofundme for Emergency Protestors Fund || here is a gofundme for Regis Paquet as they seek justice for her death  ||Donation sites for bailing out protestors in NY, Philly, Atlanta, Miami, Minnesota, Chicago, Louisville, Richmond 

If it’s not possible to donate but you still want to help, here is a petition you can sign demanding all the officers are charged in George Floyd’s death (10k signatures left to go) || here is a petition you can sign demanding justice for George Floyd || here is another petition demanding justice || here is another petition demanding all officers be charged || here is a petition for Breonna Taylor who was murdered by the police  || you can text FLOYD to 55156 || you can text JUSTICE to 668366 

If you want to sign petitions and are outside of the US, please use a US zipcode.  90015 - Los Angeles, California || 10001 - New York City, New York || 75001 - Dallas, Texas

If you do decide to protest, please be safe, do not post on social media saying you will go, untag yourself from any photos you might be in, delete social media connections to your job, where you live and places you like to go. Take off all apps that have GPS monitoring setting on, delete your cache and please tell someone you trust where you are going. 

Please do not mix solutions to help with tear gas. Anything that has powder mixed into water is not safe for the eyes and can scratch the cornea. Contact lenses can trap toxic fumes and tear gas. Do not show your face, wear a mask not only because we are in a pandemic but showing your face can lead to backlash or even charges if you can be identified. If you don’t have a mask, here is a video on how you can create a balaclava using a T-shirt.

Be mindful of undercover police officers who will incite violence even if the protest is peaceful. Undercover police usually wear something that lets other undercovers and regular police know who they are. Can be an armband, symbol on their shirts, shoes, socks, anything. Look out for repeated patterns and definitely check ears to see if they are communicating that way. 

When it comes to combating tear gas I strongly advise to look up what the protestors in Hong Kong have been doing. There are videos of genius tactics that can diffuse tear gas safely. 

Look out for others. If you see something don’t stay silent, stick up for your fellow protestors. Help those in need and regroup if need be. I don’t recommend going to a protest alone, the added support of someone you know can lessen some anxiety but also helps in case something happens to either of you.

Those who are not black and are protesting, speak up when you see police targeting black protestors, do stand in front of them and act as a shield, let your anger be heard but don’t speak over black protestors, they have a voice and will use it. Show solidarity without making it about you, it’s not about you.  

https://blacklivesmatter.com/

[cityandking]

class, backup, screen for you & background + vibe for minah!

thanks tabby!! // d&d player asks

Class: What's your favorite class to play?

I really like druids!! I like a flexible class (and a WIS-based caster) so druid and cleric are my defaults. non-casting, I like rogues and fighters—I'm a big fan of hitting shit

Backup: Do you design backup characters? What's your process? Have you ever had to use one?

I don't build a backup unless I know I'll need one (or if my DM asks me to), but I have some old characters in my back pocket in case of emergency. For Branwen's campaign, Ahki was my backup even though I'd played her before (there was a chance Bran was gonna leave the party if the druid hadn't beat her to it). The only other campaign I've built a backup for is the Voidhopping game, and I didn't build Anticlea until Daichi died. I built her specifically to mesh with the world and to fill dai's spot in the party comp (assuming we're going to the abyss).

Screen: What do you usually keep behind your DM screen?

My in-person setup is my computer (my notes and resources are all digital), my notebook (for HP tracking/scratch paper/future plot notes), dice, a drink, and a cheat sheet of my player stats I hang over the DM screen. My notes are in OneNote and include session notes, my compiled world/game notes, and a cheat sheet in a TextEdit file I've been using since I started DMing eight(? holy shit) years ago.

Background: Does your PC get up to anything that you don't narrate often? Any background habits, activities, plots? Do you share these through other avenues (i.e. a group chat, table cross-talk, posting online)?

Besides a little petty thievery? Minah dyes her hair sometimes. She's also an experienced traveler and has a good head for logistics, so I imagine she spent the trip to Val Royeaux helping Leo cook and keeping an eye on duty rotations and rations and all that. (In related news, she doesn't have much patience for anyone complaining about watches or latrine duty or cleanup or all that. Not that anybody in the party would dare complain about sleeping rough.) As for sharing, I just dump it all here. That's what the OC blog was invented for.

Vibe: How does your character get along with the party? Does your group talk about party dynamics outside the game?

Minah gets along with everyone pretty well overall. I think at this point she's probably closest to Leo and then maybe Rhydian? Rogue solidarity etc etc. I know she's not that big a fan of Riya (she thinks she's kind of a spoiled noble), but she's not mean about it, just keeps her distance. It's nice having such long sessions because I feel like it gives us a chance to settle into dynamics at the table, but y'all know me—I love discussing party dynamics away from the table. I can't get enough of it. I'm haunting your blogs snapping up the crumbs.

[theotherwatto]

The real story behind *that* article, a lesbian fanfic love letter to the show (Spoilers for season 2 of aggretsuko)

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Come on Fenneko, you've got shit to do, nobody wants to hear you whining about your sorry excuse for a love life. Okay, let's just start from the beginning. Hi, I'm Fenneko. I'm a cynical social media detective working a drudge job. And I have a secret.

This all started... well, at least there were signs when she started dating that space cadet from marketing or wherever. I couldn't place it at first, I thought it was just anger or solidarity or something like that. She seemed happy for a little while, then I guess she finally woke up and it was over.

I was more than relieved I was... excited. I know that's out of character, I didn't let it show, but... I knew something was up.

Wake up girl, I think looking back.

And then the next guy came along, after a trademark social media trail that I just HAD to share with our local gossip queen.

And I just lost it.

How DARE she move on so fast when there was someone so close who needed her so much?

I...

--- "Whatcha working on there, Fenneko?" "NOTHING! I just... hahaha, bit of personal drama going on, Haida, nothing for you to concern yourself with." "Oooookay just... deal with that I guess, I take it that means you won't be coming tonight?" "That's not gonna happen" ---

Where was I? Oh right, tech whizz.

I worked it out surprisingly fast and I just lost it. I had a friend in the media business, and I knew the CEO would be playing golf with HIM that day. So I just sent him a tip that there could be something juicy going on, nothing particular. I didn't expect a full exposé, she's my friend why would I wish that on her?

Wait, scratch that, I can't keep lying to myself like that.

It's embarrassing, it's messed up, it's downright sinful.

But I have a crush on my coworker, and we're both women.

Go ahead, laugh, I certainly did when the thought first occurred to me. I thought I was as straight as the next one in line. She obviously is.

I'm scared to look deeper, I made this account just so I could anonymously reach out and ask... what should I do? She and the tech whizz have broke up now, and I just... should I say something or keep it to myself until it goes away on its own when she finds the right guy???

[llycaons]

ep12: way to make me eat my words

yiling looks to be untouched, so I guess the wens aren't comitting murder in the streets in any other yunmeng cities either

wwx overhearing rumors that he was the cause? damn. but I think it was meant as a nod to the themes of reputation and rumors bc the next guy goes "oh, you believed that?"

and then? what's this? a scene in the LAN ANCESTRAL SHRINE??? NOW??? after all my complaining that lwj hasn't been a very strong presence in this show, suddenly he shows up at a CR location we never saw in any other version, has a discussion with an elder and family member original to this show, verbally states his determination to stand with the jiangs and his principles of solidarity against the wens, DEFIES said elder, states he actually sent disciples to find the jiang kids, is backed up by lqr, and VISIBLY EXPRESSES EMOTIONS. the dude just got more development in these two minutes than in the past five episodes and I don't even think this scene is in the book what is HAPPENING

I don't think the lan elders were named or differentiated in the book but shit I KNOW there were no named or shown lan elders besides lqr in the drama and I think the lan clan of the drama was weakened and made more one-dimensional for it

thrilling. stunning. groundbreaking. in this, the most depressing and difficult part of the most painful arc, where I didn't expect to see a lan until at least two episodes from now, suddenly he's a major player in the plot

this is the only time in cql he doesn't show up for a few episodes and here he is more explicitly central than ever. phenomenal choice, donghua team. it was so exciting to see the lan ancestral shrine especially and I think it was a great decision to break up the fear and tragedy of this arc with some hope of reinforcements on the way. and suddenly, we know so much more about the lan sect and the elders!

the scene in the rain of the ruined lotus pier is gorgeous

yes, I'm still calling it lotus pier. it just sounds better to me as a name than lotus cove

oh shit wwx killed two guards with his bare hands here. he just waited for wen ning in cql

oof, and then he runs with jc on his back and then falls and makes sure he's the one taking the hit. no way this could have been in the drama. xz doesn't have the upper body strength

they're in wwx's old room!

it's definitely more depressing to be in his hollowed-out and looted old room than in yiling

WEN QING DRAMATIC ENTRANCE

wow she's very mean

she just tells wwx to kill wen ning for being stupid and then she's like "we're not going to die for someone else's sins" r u sure miss wen

she's in a difficult position. there are dozens of people under her care too

whoever translated this? "doctress" is not a word

scratch that, I googled it and it is a word but it doesn't really mean 'female doctor'

jc's only way to measure his confidence and accomplishments is filtered through being a powerful cultivator. he doesn't really have friends. he has a crappy personality. nobody really seems to like him including his father. he doesn't have any interest in anyone romantically and would probably be bad at that too (in cql he sure is). and of course all his life he's been compared to wwx and been told he's not good enough bc wwx is better at cultivation (and everything, really, but in cultivation he seems to be the most insecure)

anyway he's had the only thing that's given him a sense of power torn away violently and no way to take justice for his murdered family and has to live shamefully while their murderers lord over his old home so naturally he's going a little wild but all I can think is oh dude you really need a life outside of cultivation and find a hobby you like doing, not because you're good at it, but because it brings you peace or helps you make friends or something because basing your self-worth off something that your brother is always going to be better at than you is a tragedy waiting to happen

this is still true postcanon

I can't help digging into jc's character in every liveblog I just think he's such a well-crafted disaster and I know why he has every single one of his issues

actually I don't find him all the competative in this show? I don't think we get as many looks into his head in other versions. in the novel he has a lot of thoughts we get to hear and in cql he has that sword training scene in CR and also he's an emotional wreck at all times thanks for your service wzc

it stresses me out that they're literally IN lotus pier. whyyyyy. there are wens EVERYWHERE

it's explicitly stated that myu went easy on wwx, which was sort of implied in the book? and I guess cql? I don't think it matters much. in cql he understood why she was hurting him, but he was still coughing up blood after

anyway wen qing is like "oh so she didn't hate you after all" and wwx flashes back to myu saying "I fucking hate you so much and you're the reason every single bad thing has ever happened to us and I rue the day we took you in and also you're the reason my marriage is failing"

and like just because she eased up on her attack doesn't mean she doesn't hate him. I think she very clearly did, but she was also a tactician who knew wwx was her son's best chance of surviving. she was protecting her tool, it doesn't mean she cared about him beyond his use. but like, not as bad as she could have been? the final nice thing the donghua tried to do for myu

wait I don't know if this is a vagueness due to translation but they're calling bssr a man? oh looks like she was drawn as a man in the manhua too initially

cssr and wcz are also characters who I liked having introduced earlier, for context

at this point it's like who is wwx and where did he come from? his mom was a wandering cultivator? what?

actually that must have been really confusing for new viewers who didn't know cssr's name and kept hearing about wwx's mom who myu hated with no like other context or info about her

oh god wen ning couldn't get the bodies back and they're being sent to qishan

oh god they're bowing to the remnants that wen ning could salvage

I feel completely neutral about half the characters I was ready to kill for in cql. such is the effect of donghua-face compared to real human people's expressions. besides l/wj the biggest loss is actually w/zl who is genuinely the funniest character in the drama and he is just a nothing man here