#we're happy to clown on you
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fully convinced that "traumascum" was either made up by anti endos or like one endo used it once and anti endos just ran with it
Well. Considering we have personally seen multiple NTGs use that term, including in DNIs, we think you're wrong.
Also, with how you've phrased this, it seems like you are not an anti-endo, so assuming that the alternative is you being a pro-endo, we ask you to not interact with this blog ever again and actually respect boundaries. Thanks.
-🧟♂️ (He/him)
-🐴 (He/him)
#((malachi🧟♂️))#((remorse🐴))#when will these idiots learn not to send us stupid fucking asks like this#WHY would we lie about endos using traumascum#thats fucking stupid!!!#anti endo#endos dni#sovsys.askers#yk what send us your stupid asks you dumbasses#we're happy to clown on you
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Meme dump yayyy🥳✨️
(off to make more now muhahaha >:3)
#SIGH WHERE HAD LILI DISAPPEARED TO THIS TIME? TSK TSK SMH 😔#Now now my dearest darling loyal subjects fret not~!!#your beloved princess shall answer all your worries away ~★#mwah mwah~<3#heh~🤭���#Soooo updated time!!! >_<#I'm on a road trip halfway across the country rn (was a fun bad idea..my cousins and I nearly had a heat stroke TWICE but it's soo worth it#...I'll hopefully be back by tonight because it's my grandfather's birthday tomorrow and we're planning a surprise party for him#Muhahaha >:3#* happy dances*#Anyways I had time to kill between crying while playing mystic messenger together with my cousin#(I'm making her do Saeran's route sjbqbjjbqjbqbj9ioqjqhiqohwu9wh9uwub I LOVE HIM I ADORE HIM HE WAS THE FIRST CHARACTER I EVER WANTED TO#MARRY HE IS SO DREAM HUSBAND CODED SIJSB8YWBUW MY POOR POOR SWEET ANGEL BABY YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER#THE WORLD DOES NOT DESERVE YOU AAHHHIHSIHAIJIAJ AND OMG HIS ENDING SONG IT ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY SJOBSOJHJSH0SSUS0SSHU0IS0HISH0IS0JHSHJS0HIS0#EVEN IF YOU WERE AN EXPIRED LOLIPOP I'D STILL EAT YOU!! I'D ALWAYS EAT YOU AND ONLY YOU NO MATTER WHAT#I-I MEAN PICK YOU!!! I'D ALWAYS PICK YOU NO MATTER WHAT!! NOT TO SAY THAT I WOULDN'T CANNIBALISE YOU!!#GIVE ME THE CHANCE AND I'D LICK YOU UP I WON'T LEAVE A SINGLE DROP BEHIND O-OF THE LOLIPOP OF OFC NOT TO SAY I WOULDN'T DO THE SAME IF IT#WAS HIS C- I'LL STOP MUST CONTROL I CAN'T WRITE ESSAYS HERE OF HOW MUCH I LOVE AND WANT SAERAN AHHHH MY HEART🥺🩷🩷😭😭)#*cough cough*sooo anywho I'm normal now dw!!😇✨️ (/lie)#and us reading ORV (I'm on chapter 340 something rn and kdj is kdj and i just want to soksjnss9hsj9sbu that stupid squid (/affectionate)#and if I start ranting rn it would never end...#so expect like a 80000 words essay when I'm done with the full novel🫠)#I cleared out my phone gallery yayyy heh🥳🤭 and found so many RH memes that I never posted lmao#Oh!!! And I've noticed something even though I'm a Vin girly through and through#(as evidenced by the fact that my blog is quite literally a shrine to him)#I always end up making Crux memes more...That stupid green onion clown you're so easy to love😔🩷#Anyways Lili out now mwah mwah mwah 🩷🩷🫂✨️#♡{reanimated heart}♡#reanimated heart#reanimatedheart
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AHH, it's almost midnight, so you all know what time it is... (don't worry i'm about to say what time it is, y'all LOL) it's cursed image time!! also, this grave is from the arrow TV show, tumblr, so please don't come at me —
but oh... look, it's barton at joker's funeral, you guys AHHH
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#AHH i'll never get tired of looking at this MASSIVELY cursed image jsjsj LMAO / j nahhh i'm kidding as i know we're not supposed to make-#light of death but also... this is the joker we're talking about you guys so this is probably the least disrespectful thing another-#character could do to his grave in the event of his untimely death NGL JSJSJ because the man has wronged a LOT of people#including barton so naturally he's happy to see that clown gone xxx SKSKS okay please don't take the hugs (the x's) seriously but-#i can guarantee y'all that if there is a joker hater club out there that barton is either the founder of it or at LEAST one of the-#executives because the joker is just plain EVIL and kills kids for no damn reason so yeah
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This clown has got to go. I now understand why people are afraid of clowns 🤡 This one is horrific 😳 Now it's up to my boys to fix what Aaron Boone's bad decisions have done to us in this game. I have faith in my boys to do this. LET'S GO YANKEES!!!!!
As I was writing hash tags, Alex Verdugo got Anthony Volpe home to give us a one run lead in the top of the 9th. My boys!! I knew that they could do it!! I love these guys 😍
Great job, Doogie!! 😁😍
#Aaron Boone#clown#bad decisions#my boys will fix this#i have faith#love#happiness#thank you#sharing#joy#baseball#sports#ny yankees#let's go yankees#ny baseball#bronx bombers#i love these guys#i do not like Aaron Boone#i live this game#get rid of this clown#please#we're gonna do it#we did it#i knew that they could#way to go verdugo#Alex Verdugo#24#1 run game#keep it going
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what do you mean by “keen debacle?” btw i love your fics, merry christmas and/or happy holidays <3
hello anon ❤️❤️❤️ augh u are so lovely and nice i hope you have a GREAT holiday season!!!
it is very simple. i have read a truly staggering amount of fanfiction and so a fun phenomenon that's happened is that there's a huge number of words that i've only become familiar with thanks to fic. and fic writers love to use "keening" as a substitute for "moaning" and "gasping" in sex scenes and i was like "wow! new word unlocked! thank fucking god now i don't have 32 instances of the word 'gasp' in this doc"
and then @suzteel was like "i don't think that means what you think it means"
and
she's fucking right
#WHY DON'T THE PEOPLE KNOW THIS 😭😭😭#we're all just learnings wrong words off of each other like clowns 😂#if you had asked me before i would have said 'keen' meant a sort of pained but still happy moan#someone cooler than me should do a study on how use of the word evolved over time#ofc if enough people use a word in a certain way then it can come to actually have that definition 😂#maybe if people start sneaking more keens into published literature#mine: asks
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THE PATH TO PARADISE CHAPTER 13 IS UP
https://archiveofourown.org/works/50811373/chapters/142107949
#sskk#AHHHHH YESSS SYESSS ITS FINALL DONEEE#and. not to toot my own clown nose#but its so good. its SO GOOD.#ITS GOT IT ALL FOR ME. JESUS FUCK. oh man. i love it. i love it i love it.#this literally makes this fic 94000 words.#yo next chapter we're gonna pass 100k#i'm. AHHHHHHH#:) guys. i'm so happy. i haven't had such a high while writing something in a long long time#this feels so good. smooching the path to paradise on the lips#thank you for saving me sskk
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I would like to add something to the previous ask: in all non cf routes one of billy’s primary motivators is finding rhea and bringing her back home safely. They also get knocked out because they tried to help her during the monastery siege. I quite like them outside of their self insert aspect and i agree that barring it, their relationship with rhea is a highlight as they obviously care a great deal for each other, s support or not.
Yep!
Which is why Billy fails at a self-insert - even when their character was nuked to make Tru Piss feasible - because Billy likes that place with weirdos that is supposed to be a school, where people ask them if they're alright, take time to talk to them and where they aren't sitting in silence, eating on their own while people mumble about they don't seem to be human, call them by a nickname they don't like and where they're not even sure they are appreciated by Jerry.
Despite the 526 red herrings about "Rhea Sus" and the general "Church BaD" - both to make Tru Piss an option and to justify taking Rhea out of the picture so they player's self-insert can become the most powerful and important person on the continent without any equals/rivals (especially in SS) - Billy likes to hang out with Rhea. And I find it hilarious that Billy doesn't listen to Jerry - who warns them to be distant with Rhea - and A supports her during the pre TS, being the only unit who can be A supported during the Pre TS!
Billy wants to get to know their lizard fam - and spend time with their newfound fam made by all those randoms in the monastery!
And in games where Tru Piss doesn't exist and there's no need to uwu... yeah, Billy can freely spend time with her, mention how they'd like to have the rest of the family join them for the next summer banner, etc etc.
#anon#replies#Billy stuff#they also saw Rhea going all Gandalf to save everyone's asses#and since Billy isn't a dastard they don't want her to sacrifice herself for everyone's sake#they know Rhea's not going to be tickled for 5 years#we're talking about the people who killed Jerry and now they target and capture Rhea#poor Billy they must think the Empire has something against their fam lol#but of course we have the uwu 'i don't want to kill her uwu'#ffs Leonie is angrier about Jerry than Billy who was sad killed a clown and called it a day#there's no anger nor 'why jerry had to die why did you do this' no nothing#just ' i don't wanna kill supreme leader uwu' and 'must we kill her uwu'#but when rhea asks if she's wrong to be happy to have survived they have no words just like when she wonders if the war started bcs of her#hopefully FEH dgaf about Supreme Leader since her own units can sell themselves#without needing to bring down anyone else#unlike the Fodlan games
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#i feel so good#i'm so happy that it hurts#deep in my insides#wheb you feeling alive#i feel so goodx11#tears of a clown#every time i cry#We're happy living life#Spotify#me
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how to deal with 3 warlords (while pregnant) - cross guild x reader
pairing: dracule mihawk x buggy the clown x reader x crocdile rating: 18+ summary: Three warlords, three of the most vicious men in all of the world. And somehow, someway they are at your beck and call. What started out as an arrangement with Sir Crocodile turned into a liaison with Mihawk and somewhere along the way you ended up in bed with the clown. tags: long fic (over 5k), polyam!cross guild, smut, pwp, table sex, couch sex, lingerie, slight possessive behaviour, good ol' time, fingering, outdoor sex, clothed sex, cowgirl position.
join me on discord! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Three warlords, three of the most vicious men in all of the world. And somehow,someway they are at your beck and call. What started out as an arrangement with Sir Crocodile turned into a liaison with Mihawk and somewhere along the way you ended up in bed with the clown.
Now you were living quite well in a large manor on some island in the southeast. You spent most of your days reading, you had even taken up a little gardening. Anything you wanted the Cross Guild got for you. Not many people were living like you on the Grand Line.
Then it happened. You ended up pregnant by one of the idiots. One of the three men was the father of your child. You expected to be on the next boat off the island, but none of the men were willing to send you off. They wanted to make sure their little lady was taken care of. While they bicker over who the father was, they each made sure you were taken care of.
”Can't you hurt now.“ Crocodile told you as he brushed his fingers through your hair, ”If it isn't my brat this time, it will be next time.“ And he almost smiled around the cigar in his mouth.
So that was how you became the lovely wife to three of the most dangerous men on the high seas. And sometimes you wished their boat would sink.
At six months pregnant it wasn't easy to get around, you spent most days rubbing the sore spot in your back and hobbling around the manor. Most of the time the men kept to themselves and allowed you freedom to roam around the place.
There was something about the manor you quite enjoyed, even if the men barely got along they still cared deeply for you. You had the pleasure of being called more beautiful than any treasure. But it was Buggy who told you that and then he promptly passed out from too much liquor. So the compliment only went so far.
It was a home, even with three fearsome men, you still were happy. You thought of it as a way to keep the men in check. You were like the glue that held them together or prevented them from killing one another. It wasn't easy work but it was your work.
-
You rubbed your achy lower back and huffed, ”You better come out easy, or we're going to have a problem.“ You then poked your swollen middle. Your current wardrobe was clothing that belonged to the men. You hadn't had much time to find cuter clothes so you often were dressed like a mob boss or a gothic swordsman or a fucking clown. But none of them men minded, to be fair they'd preferred if you were naked. You however refused to give them the satisfaction.
You weren't a toy to be ogled at, and if any of them treated you like an object they'd be out on the yard before they could finish their sentence. You refused to raise a child to believe that a woman would be under a man. Even if their father was a warlord you'd teach them compassion and kindness in an unforgiving world.
It was the least you could do. So even with the aches and pains you were happy to carry such a precious gift. You gave your belly and soft pat, ”I'm not mad at you“ You said, ”I just want everything to go smoothly, I'm excited to meet you. And the boys will love you too. They might be a bit much but you'll always have a home.“
”Talking to the baby again, I see.“ You heard.
”Crocodile.“ You responded as you looked up from your swollen middle. Hand on your lower back once more, ”I thought you were busy, Mihawk told me that.“
You'd say out of the three of them, Crocodile was the most ”attentive“, there was a charm to him that you couldn't deny. You understood why he was able to charm his way through Alabasta. But anything you needed he got for you without question. He often enjoyed your pregnant state, the idea that he bred you so well left him excited. Such a good girl carrying his spawn, and if it happened that the baby belonged to the swordsman or the clown, he'd make sure that next time he finished the job.
”I'm never too busy for you. Where are you going anyway?“ He asked,“If you need something, I will get it fo you.” He approached you and leaned down to caress your bump, “You will need for nothing. You should be resting.“
”I have to move sometimes, Crocodile. Even with the pains in my lower back.“ You huffed as you rubbed the sore spot, ”Can't be bed bound forever.“
He chuckled and kissed the top of your head, ”If you wanted a back rub you should've come to my office. Mihawk is too rough with you and the clown is an idiot. So why don't we get what you need and head to the bedroom.“ He leaned further down and kissed you on the lips.
You cupped his face and looked at him, ”If you can get me the ice pop from the freezer in the kitchen I'll happily accept your offer.“ And gave him the biggest puppy dog eyes you could muster.
He chuckled, ”You always know how to get your way.“ Then took you by the hand, ”Why don't get go before the clown takes all of them.“ Then he started to slowly walk to the kitchen on the lower level.
The warlord had a soft spot for you, he was enamoured by you. You were so small compared to him yet you held your own. The kind of woman who would bear his young.
Soon you were seated at the massive dinner table happily enjoying the blue ice pop that was in the freezer with your back turned to Crocodile. His hand was on your back slowly massaging the aches and pains on your lower back. You could tell he was getting aroused by the closeness to you. You smiled to yourself as he rubbed at your back.
”How's the child doing?” He asked as the hooked hand reached around you and carefully rubbed your bump, “Is he behaving?”
You chuckled, “We don't know the gender of the baby.” And took another bite of the cold treat, “You better not be disappointed if they're a girl."
He chuckled and pressed at a sore spot on your back, ”I could never, not with you.“ Then pulled away, "You're still a marvellous sight, even this far in. You're a beauty to behold, little one.“ Then leaned in to get a good feeling on the tenseness of your lower back, ”You're a good girl, right?“
You turned your head to look at him, ”You're not just being nice for sex are you?“ You reached over and stroked his face, ”Right?“
He moved back a little, “No, of course, I'd only have sex with you, with you permission.” He swallowed. Only the warlord would get nervous around you.
You chuckled and patted him on the cheek, “Why don't you finish this up for me.” You placed the ice pop in his mouth and moved off the chair. You hiked up the shirt that looked like a dress as you hoisted yourself onto the lavish dining table with a huff. It's hard to be sexy when you're so pregnant.
“Oh?” He said, “And here I thought you wanted a massage. But if there's something you desire, I'm happy to provide.” He smirked at you as he got up from the other chair. He stood in front of you and admired you, such a beautiful woman in his eyes.
Crocodile was such a fearsome man but here he was in front of you, with a glint in his eye as he watched you unbutton the shirt you wore and soon revealed your almost naked form. He had noticed that your breasts had gotten a bit bigger during the time you were pregnant so far, and that only made the man smirk.
“Let's get you out of those." He remarked as he helped you out of your underwear, you held onto his broad shoulders as he slipped them off of you. He placed your bum back down on the table and carefully spread your legs. His hook grazed at the soft flesh of your inner thigh and he carefully licked his hip lip.
”Don't stare at me like I'm meat, Crocodile.“ You remarked as you held onto the front of his shirt, all three of the men admired you but you had to warn them sometimes not to view you like a slab of meat for sale. They were yours as much as you were theirs, there would be a level of respect you demanded.
You didn't think it was too much to ask considering you were carrying one of their children, you weren't a broodmare goddamnit!
He reached over and patted you on the head, his face got closer to yours as he smiled at you, ”Don't you worry, baby. I would never. You're less like meat and more like the finest gold in all of the blue.“ His broad hand reached to your cheek and rubbed it, ”The others should be lucky I even let you in the same room as them.“ Then kissed you on the forehead. He carefully held your legs open for him, he exhaled deeply as he admired your sweet sex, ”Now let's get the show on the road before the others find us.“ Then with a little help from you, he slid his cock into you.
Taking him was like a punch in the gut sometimes, even when he was being slow. He was just so BIG. It was hard to take him all at once. But he took his time, he didn't want to leave you too sore. His hand was on your waist as he started to thrust into you. The hook on his other hand held onto the side of the table for support. He leaned down and kissed at your neck, ”That's it.“ He said almost breathless against your neck, ”There we go. Such a good girl.“
The table made small noises as it was pushed ever so slightly across the carpeted floor. But you didn't pay much mind to it, you were too concerned with the feeling of euphoria that came over you. It was a great feeling, even with the minor stretch you were in good hands with the warlord.
”Crocodile.“ You said softly, ”Fuck.“
He chuckled, his warm skin was pressed up against you, ”I know, you like when we have sex. I wouldn't have it with anyone else, those other idiots should be lucky that they get to have a taste of you.“ His voice was low, there was a possessive edge to it that sent a shiver up your spine. While the agreement worked you knew that Crocodile would rather have you all to yourself.
The sex was quiet and secretive. Hot breathing and soft moans filled the air of the lavish dining room. Crocodile's larger body stayed around you as he thrusted up into you. But even the warlord couldn't keep his composure for long.
”I want you to finish at the same time as me, baby.“ He said hotly into your ear, ”I want to feel you get very tight around me when you finish. Can you do that for me?“ His breathing was rapid and his shirt was sticking to his muscular back as he thrusted up into you.
You squeezed your eyes shut for a moment as you felt the wave of pleasure over your body, ”I can do that.“ You panted. Your body jolted with the thrusts, your pregnant belly and heavy breasts moved with each thrust of his hips.
He pulled you into a deep kiss, he even explored your mouth with his tongue while the intense feeling of climax took hold. It wasn't long before you were clinging onto him for dear life, you belly pressed against him. Then with one last thrust of his cock, you moaned into his mouth and climaxed at the same time as him. You let out a sharp squeak before a primal groan as you felt the wash of pleasure through your system. It made you go lightheaded.
Soon Crocodile pulled away and patted you on the cheek. He looked over at the half melted popsicle beside you. Between his breaths he said, “Let me get you another one.” then leaned in for one last kiss. The thrill of pleasure still coursed through his body. He cleared his throat and asked, “Blue, right?”
You giggled, your head still a haze and replied, “Or we could go again?” And spread your legs a little further. And what kind of husband would Crocodile be if he didn't give in to his wife's request?
-
It had been about a week since your encounter with Crocodile. And while you were achy for days later, it wouldn't be the last time you'd have sex. Mihawk had just come back from a trip abroad and while he brought nothing for the other men, he was more than happy to show you what he got you.
You were now almost seven months and the baby in you was feeling a lot more active, which made you out of breath a lot of the time. But you were determined to see what the swordsman got you. One of the gifts was a lovely dress made for someone as far along as you and while it was a little tight around the belly, you were happy Mihawk even thought of you.
But there was still more he wanted to show you. The other men were out of the manor, so you went looking for Mihawk. You were occupied all morning with prepping for dinner, between the three warlords not a single one of them knew how to properly cook. They were as clueless in the kitchen as they were competent in combat. So it was just easier for you to cook, there was less of a chance that a fire would break out.
“Mihawk!” You called out as you climbed the long staircase upstairs. You peeked into the rooms until you found the man in his study. You let yourself in.
“You know you can't just- oh, I didn't hear you, my love.” He got up from his chair at the desk, “You shouldn't be putting so much strain on yourself. Come.” He guided you to the old style leather couch at the other end of the room, “You should be resting.”
“Well I heard that someone bought me presents while away, and I want my presents.” You smiled at him as you tried to get comfortable on the chair, “Can you blame me?”
“I'm sorry, I should've found you sooner.” he replied, “Let me get them for you.“ He quickly left the room only to swiftly return with delicately wrapped gifts in hand. He put them on the table in front of you then sat beside you. He watched you with careful eyes as you grabbed the first one. His lips were close to your ear as he said, “Open it.”
It was a floral patterned wrapping paper and underneath was a black box with a white ribbon tied around it, there was a note attached to it that read, ”Forever yours, Mihawk.“ You turned to look at him and he softly kissed you. You then went back to opening the box. It wasn't long until you discovered the contents of the gift. Inside in a bed of tissue paper was burgundy lingerie.
You turned to look at Mihawk who had his eyes on you. You said to him, ”You shouldn't have.“
He tilted his head to the side, ”What I paid for is nothing compared to how much you're worth. It should fit you.“ His hand played with your hair gently, ”Will you try it on for me?“ And smiled when you slowly stood up, he even carefully supported you while you moved.
You responded, “Of course.” With gentle hands you pulled the bra and matching panties out. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw how little fabric there was. You guessed he was right, it would fit if there was nothing to put on. You felt his eyes on you as he got up and started to undress you.
His hands found your swollen middle and he sighed contently, “You've been taking care of him while I've been gone. Good girl.”
You turned around to him and started to take the dress off, “You men are so possessive. I'm your wife, not a broodmare.” You reminded him.
He leaned in for a kiss and before he did it, he replied, “Of course, I could never remember you as anything but my wife. I am just glad that the others weren't too rough with you. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you.”
“Nothing will ever happen to me, I have the best protection on the planet.” You said as you stepped out of your dress. Soon your undergarments came off and he slowly put the pieces on you.
You noticed right away that in the crotch area, there was an opening. You looked at him with a bit and shock and he got even closer to you. His bare chest was pushed against you and his hand dipped down between your legs.
“It's your gift. But under my conditions.” He remarked before he pushed two fingers inside of you. His skillful digits massaged the inside of your pussy and felt just right that you went on your tippy toes and clutched onto him.
Your nipples grew hard from the sensation and them being practically exposed. Your cheeks grew warm and he went in for another kiss. You held onto him tightly as the pleasure raced through you. This felt amazing.
Mihawk's favourite position was when he had you so close to his bigger form and fingered you. He prioritised your pleasure first, he wanted to see every expression you made when he pleasured you. He wanted to see and hear how good it was for you. And he was one to never disappoint. Those sharp gold eyes trained on you as he brought you into his lap with your legs open and facing the door. He kissed your neck while you panted and moaned.
His other hand wandered your bump, “I want it to be mine, I want you to bear me a child who'll truly be the greatest. I have high hopes that it'll be mine.” Then left a deep bruise on your neck.
Your moans often got stuck in your throat from the immense pleasure that Mihawk was giving you. You hooked your hands under your knees to give him a better angle, with your back pressed against his chest.
The thrusts of his fingers were powerful and left your head spinning. This was euphoric. Soon his hand was on your breast and he skilfully fondled it as he continued to finger you at a punishing pace.
Your moans rung clear in the office while he pleasures you on the couch. At least your wetness can easily be cleaned off the leather. Your eyes rolled back as you gripped your thighs in a heightened pleasure.
“So good for me.” He praised, “A beautiful woman I am able to give pleasure to, it's an honour.” He knew your heart was racing, he could probably feel it. He continued to kiss at your neck as his pace quickened even more.
Your toes curled in the intense feeling and you moaned loudly as you rolled your hips in time with his movement which caused your breasts and belly to bounce. The knowledge of that made Mihawk's cock twitch in his pants. You really were a remarkable woman.
He pinched at your nipple and your moans got louder. You pussy clenched around his fingers and he groaned into your flushed skin, ”So perfect.“ he thumb gazed at your clit and you practically jumped but you didn't get too far. He pulled you back in and you got louder as he pleasured you further.
You felt a grip around you as hot pleasure raced through your body. Your core felt on fire from the sensation. And Mihawk thought it was divine. You looked angelic, especially when he hit just the right spot and you climaxed.
He groaned into your skin as you tightened around his fingers. You tensed for a moment before you relaxed against him and tried to catch your breath. Yor head was spinning but you felt safe in Mihawk's arms.
”How was that?“ He asked, ”You looked divine when I was pleasuring you. Do you want more?“
You exhaled deeply and slowly got up. You stood in front of him, ”Well.“ You said, ”Let's see how resilient this lace is?“ Then slowly he brought you back to the couch with the full intention of seeing what 'damage' he could do before the other men came home.
-
Buggy was home the most, while the other two had matters to attend to off the island, Buggy was well Buggy. He was a fearsome clown but you spent the most time with him. You enjoyed his company, even when it was something as simple as watching over you while you gardened.
It was the middle of summer and everyone was in their own little corner of the house. You were out in the garden behind the manor waddling around with a watering can in hand. You were tending to the roses portion of the garden before you moved on to the strawberries nearby.
You didn't mind the alone time, it gave you time to think. You tried not to get too anxious about how your life is going to change once the baby is born. It felt so far away yet so close. Before the first autumn leaves you were going to be a mother! And at times it left you rather anxious.
You shook off the thoughts while you poured the water over the roses. You heard the back door open and close. You turned to look over and saw Buggy. And when your eyes met, he broke out into a grin.
”Well there you are, my peanut!“ Then made strides to get closer to you. You quickly noticed in his hand was your large sun hat. He approached and placed it on your head, ”I don't think now is the best time to get a sunburn. You know Crocodile will kill you.“ Then leaned in for a kiss.
While the other two were mysterious, Buggy seemed normal in comparison. Well, for a clown pirate anyway. He had a very sweet spot for you and while you hadn't seen much of his feared nature, you enjoyed your time with him. He was an open book to you.
”You know one of us can do that, like you don't have to keep coming out here. Especially alone, what if you slip on some mud or like... A bird drops a rock on your head!"
You laughed, ”Buggy, I think I have bigger things to worry about than a bird."
He shrugged before he took the watering can from you, “I'd hate to see anything happen to ya, so let's go. It's time for a break!” Then placed it down before he guided you away from the garden and towards the shade under the largest tree on the property.
He helped you down onto the grass and he went in for another kiss. He moaned against your lips as gloved hands cupped your face. It was almost romantic if not for the heat between your kisses. Your heart jumped.
“You shouldn't be out here all alone, angel. What if someone hurt you? What if someone took you from me?“ He stared down at you.
You smiled back at him and reached out for him. You placed a hand on his cheek and assured him, ”No one would ever dare.“ Then went in for another kiss.You felt excitement race though you as he laid down in the grass with you on top of him.
”Good, because you're mine, peanut. Just like that kid in your belly.“ He grinned at you and nodded. Soon with the help of his powers one of his hands reached down, detached from his body and lifted up your dress. He slipped his hand under and found the less than stylish maternity underwear you wore.
”What do you think you're doing, clown?“ You asked, as you held his face, ”Did you come to check on me so you could fuck me?“
He laughed, ”Of course not, having sex with you is just a bonus!“ Then with another hand, pull down the underwear to the middle of your thigh, ”C'mon, then afterwards I'll even help ya water the garden. Seeing you all domestic has really turned me on.” Then he grabbed your ass.
You moaned and he pulled you in for a searing kiss. He continued to gab at your ass as the kiss deepened. He pulled you dress up further to expose your bare ass to the afternoon air.
“You drive me crazy.“ He remarked before he created a bit of room between you two to get his cock out of his pants, ”So why don't you be a good girl and get me off.“ He beamed at you.
You squeezed his nose between your thumb and pointer finger, ”And what do we say with that, Buggy?“
He frowned suddenly, ”Please. Please angel, sugar, honey, peanut, please, please!“ His cock was out of his pants and pressed into your swollen middle, ”I'd love to see that belly bounce while ya ride me.“ Then he attached both hands to his wrists and held onto your waist. ”I want you.“
You chuckled and held onto the bottom of your dress so a bit of your belly was exposed as you eated yourself onto him. You held his hand for support as you slowly seated yourself onto him. You exhaled deeply, “Yeah.“
”Doing alright there, peanut?“ He asked as he rubbed your hip with his free hand, ”That's it, good girl.“
You moaned as you started to roll your hips. You held onto his hand and the bottom of your dress while you rolled your hips. You felt his cock nudge against the most sensitive spots. For a clown he was a good fuck.
Your eyes closed and your mouth slightly opened as you moved faster. Buggy groaned and soon both hands were on your hips as he tried to meet your pace. “Shit.” You moaned as you felt pleasure spread through your body like warm butter on hot toast. Your cheeks were flushed as you continued to move your body.
The two of you went at it, you kept the pace steady. It was getting quicker but the depths that he pushed against made you see stars behind your eyelids. Your heart raced as you moved against him. The feeling of overwhelming moments. Sex with Buggy left you breathless as it did with the other men. You were glad that your pussy could take a beating. The thought made you smirk for a second before you felt his thumb rub up against your clit.
You jolted up but he used his other hand to keep you back down on his cock. He chuckled, “You're not getting away that easily, angel. I know I make you feel good, that's why the brat in ya is mine. His hand moved to your belly to feel around it while he played with your clit.
You felt moans bubble up in your throat as you rode him. You picked up the pace as the swirl of pleasure moved in the pit of your stomach. Your breathing was rapid as your belly moved with your movements. A sight the clown would never get out of his mind. His girl pregnant with his brat riding him on a sunny afternoon, he couldn't luck out more than this!
Soon the pleasure became an overwhelming feeling for both of you. He handed onto your belly with both hands as he pushed up deeper into you. Your coe felt soaked from the stimulation of his cock as you thrust your hips. Soon your hands were over his on your bump as you moved as fast as your pregnant body would allow.
Buggy's eyes rolled back as he gripped onto your belly, your dress fell back down over the bump as you two met each other's pace. Pleasure coursed through you and you tilted your head back in an attempt to catch your breath as you moved.
You felt your dress cling to your sweaty back as the two of you made love under the sun. The feeling was euphoric. You reached down and grabbed him by the font of his shirt as you felt on the very tip of orgasm.
The moa got caught in your throat as you climaxed. You tightened around him and he soo finished off too inside of you. He painted your inside white as he let out a loud groan and went limp on the ground.
You slid off of him, cum stained your inner thigh. You wiped the sweat from your forehead and said, ”C'mon now, Buggy. You have to help me water strawberries.“ But his hands, that were detached from his wrists, pulled your dress up once more.
Soon he was on top of you, squishing your belly as he said between ragged breaths, ”Not until I make you scream, peanut.“ With a wild grin on his face.
#dexlexia writes#reader insert#anime x reader#one piece x reader#one piece#one piece smut#the cross guild#cross guild#one piece mihawk#one piece buggy#one piece crocodile#sir crocodile#crocodile x reader#buggy#buggy the clown#buggy x reader#dracule mihawk#mihawk x reader
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Spooky community service | cl16 & mv1
Summary: happy halloween at the race track(?
Warning: none, just lestappen x reader fluff.
Spending Halloween at the track in another country with your boyfriends is not a bad idea... Especially when both Max and Charles have to serve a penalty...
The vibrant, bustling atmosphere of the Brazilian Grand Prix paddock was a stark contrast to the quiet, almost serene track. Today, however, it was hosting an unusual sight: Charles Leclerc and Max Verstappen, two of the most competitive drivers in Formula 1, were picking up trash around the track and grandstands.
The reason? A few choice words in Mexico and Singapore had landed them in hot water with the FIA, and they were now paying the price. To add insult to injury, they were forced to wear some Halloween costumes as part of their punishment. Charles was dressed as a pumpkin, his usually quirky expression now softened by a goofy orange hat and oversized glasses. Max, on the other hand, was a vampire, his signature serious expression replaced by a forced frown as he struggled to pick up a discarded water bottle.
You couldn’t help but laugh, you were dressed as a cute little witch, a playful grin on your face as you watched the two of them squirm.
“You two look ridiculous!” you teased, unable to contain your amusement.
“Babe shut up.” Max grumbled, his face turning a shade of red. “This is the worst day of my life.”
Charles smiled. “Oh, come on Max. It's not that bad.” he said. “I look like a animated pumpkin!”
You just laughed. “Oh, Max. It’s kind of funny.” you said and Max glared at you, but you just smiled innocently. “What? It’s true.”
As they continued to pick up trash, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction. It was nice to see the two of them humbled.
“You know, this could be worse...” you said, trying to lighten the mood. “You two could be stuck in a clown car!” you giggled.
Charles and Max exchanged a look of horror but they ended up laughing.
“Don’t even joke about that.” Max said, shuddering.
You laughed. “I’m just kidding maxie. But seriously, you two should try to enjoy this. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”
Charles sighed and smiled. “I guess you’re right... Plus, we're helping the environment!”
You giggled. “Exactly!”
As the day wore on, the three of you managed to have some fun. You took silly pictures, cracked jokes, and even had a mini water fight. By the end of the day, the tension had eased, and the three of you were laughing together.
As you walked back to the paddock, hand-in-hand with Charles and Max, you couldn’t help but feel grateful for your unconventional relationship.
“Oh god, it's Max the vampire!” said a little girl who giggled as she watched the three of you enter the paddock again. “Can I take a picture with you? Please?”
Max smiled. “Of course sweetie!” He said as he smiled and approached the girl to take the photo together, you and Charles smiled.
“Thank you! Oh my god, a little witch and Mr. Charles cute Pumpkin! I want a picture with you two!” she smiled.
You giggled. “Well, why don't the four of us take a picture?” you said and the girl giggled.
You placed the girl's cell phone on a table nearby in Williams' garden and set the timer.
“Say cheese!” said the girl.
“Cheese!” the four of you said in unison and took the photo and then many more with funny faces.
“Oh god, thank you guys so much!” the girl said very happily. “Happy Halloween!” she said while moving her little hand and ran towards her parents.
“Happy Halloween!” the three of you said in unison.
You smiled. “Well, at least you made someone's morning, don't you think guys?”
“Oh yes, definitely!” Max and Charles said while giggling.
It was moments like these, filled with laughter and love, that made it all worthwhile.
#f1 x you#charles leclerc#poly!f1#max verstappen fluff#lestappen blurb#charles leclerc fluff#max verstappen#formula one x reader#charles leclerc x reader#max verstappen x reader#lestappen fluff#lestappen x reader#lestappen fic#lestappen#poly!drivers x reader#poly!drivers#mariclerc fics
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Fuck it, Babes! I'm Fixing This in Denial-verse!
You know what? Like the song title that started this fic says, "Say No More", Tim. You don't see the joy in BuckTommy? You don't see the love and happiness in Tevan? You aren't interested in the stable relationship that is Kinley? I got this. I'm okay with taking Happiest-We've-Ever-Seen-Him-Buck and Fantastic-Boyfriend-With-Baggage-Tommy off your hands, good sir!
It feels apt that I named this fic Denial-verse 😂 That the singers of the song are called Fickle Friends. We had a good canon run. There's a lot of wonderful stuff there. And okay, are there one or two minutes at the end that we have to change? Not hard to do. Take my hands, babes. We're going off the paved roads, onto the beaten path of fanon by the end of this.
I get it. I was reeling. It hurt. I was hurt. It wasn't fair or kind. It was honestly cruel in its execution. I didn't get sleep. I've never lost sleep over a show before. It was wild. But I listened to the song that inspired the first fic in this series originally recently and I just smiled because - fuck it.
I didn't know where this was going back then either.
I thought it might end at any moment.
I'm happy with what we have despite the bullshit that happened. It's more than most ships I love get. And I've never hated writing in the realm of fanon. Why would I hate it now?
I'm actually a little excited. I don't have to worry about whether shit I make up is going to contradict canon anymore.
Now, as my goal in Denial-verse always is, I will be sticking as close to canon as I can. But I won't be ending it like it ended on the show. This might get a little angsty, but I promise you a happy ending. I'm always good for a happy ending.
I don't know who wants this. Maybe I'll be the last clown sitting here reading the end of this epic I didn't intend to write. But fuck it, if I'm the last clown at the circus, I'll be happy.
So.
As the song goes, "Paradise, I'm your beholder!" Now, get "caught in this denial" with me and let me "show [you] the way"! 😆
Be ready for some Denial-verse soon! Possibly tomorrow or the day after!
youtube
#911 abc#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#kinley#tevan#firebeast#firepilot#bucktommy fic#kinley fic#tevan fic#denial-verse#fuck it we got the best versions of buck and tommy in the divorce 😎#tim can have buck on thursdays he can pick him up every morning and drop him off at night#get in losers we're fixing canon#Youtube
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i love this fandom so goddamn much. we're closing in on a year since we've had new episodes to talk about and it's been almost nine months since cancelation and yet i see y'all coming up with new meta and jokes and art every single day. dad made a single vague tweet today and my whole dash is filled with people (tentatively) ready to clown all over again. no matter what happens i want you all to know i'm soooo happy to be sharing this space with every single one of you. ❤❤❤
#tv: our flag means death#ofmd#our flag means death#feeling sappy in the club tonight what can i say
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heyo—.ᐟ kinda curious bout which of the clowns in the murder clown gang are like, idk, ass or thighs type of clown for little ol' mimey?
and was also wondering how they would react to mime darling trying out some new outfits, like these ones I made ↓↓↓
PS … really, idk which outfit to draw so here's my little interpretation of mine darling .ᐟ anyways- hope you have a nice day/night .ᐟ.ᐟ.ᐟ (ㆁωㆁ) +hope you like the doodles >:]
"No comment." <- (Can't put any real thought into the question or they'll get to flustered)
"Thighs - best hand-warmers know to man. Mimey can use those thighs to warm up somethin' else, but that's private."
"Personality is most important, but I do enjoy feeling their rear pressed against me when we cuddle... Perhaps, I should've kept that to myself"
"Whichever they can use to suffocate me better-"
"Ass! No, thighs.... B...both? Wahhh- Please don't make me choose! Every inch of mimey is precious and I just want to kiss them all over..."
"Don't matter long as they'll put either on my face...and let me have a little nibble. Since it's mimey we're talking about I wouldn't even break their skin"
-
They'd all think Mime Darling looks absolutely adorable in their new outfit - as do I. Red doesn't know how to give compliments without sounding like a weirdo - which isn't all bad as Pink and Blue are happy to shower Mime in the praise and adoration they deserve. Green and Orange are drooling at that sneak of their thighs and Purple.... probably best not to talk about what they're up to currently, but they approve as well.
(I absolutely love them, your mime darling is so cute! Thanks for sharing this cutie with us ❤️🤡
#Murder clown gang#yandere oc#Fanart#yandere clown#yandere harem#Mime reader#yandere x reader#yandere
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Introducing Mel Encholy of the Cirque du Dash
Thank you to everyone who responded to our last survey asking for volunteers! We've gotten a ton of amazing applications, and we'll be reaching out soon.
Just in time for spooky month, we're happy to introduce to you to the spookiest member of the Cirque du Dash! Mel Encholy is the troupe's contortionist, and we hope you'll love them as much as we do!
[ALT TEXT] An Image of a clown in all purple, wearing a jester's hat. They stand on a blue background next to the following text: Mel Encholy (Any Pronouns | Contortionist) We really don’t know much about Mel’s heritage, they just sort of showed up on the circus’ doorstep and has stuck around ever since. When she’s not moonlighting as your local cryptid, Mel can be found in deep Wikipedia rabbit holes or the corners of your vision after one too many Benadryl. He’s an artistic soul, and his passion can drive him to great (dubiously ethical) lengths in the name of creative freedom. But at the end of the day, Mel always enjoys a nice sharpie bath to decompress.
Likes: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (The Smashing Pumpkins), frog, rereading Homestuck for the 37th time this year.
Dislikes: Gambling, Wearing socks to bed, the Minecraft Movie trailer (2024), The Hat Man.
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king of my heart | pt. 3
pairings: lando norris x fem!reader | pato o'ward x fem!reader
warnings: love triangle.
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
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yourusername
liked by carlosonoros, marcmarquez93, fernandoalo_oficial, and 70,692 others!
yourusername I had days full of paella, sangría, incredible places, lots of Chili energy and fast cars🏎🔥 What more could I ask for? I'm leaving Barcelona with a giant smile on my face. ¡Nos vemos pronto, España! 🇪🇸❤️
user1 i'll tell my kids this was the queen of Spain
user2 she's the queen of everything tbh
user3 yncarlos friendship is so underrated yet so cute🥹
user4 THEY'RE ADORABLE user5 yncarlos deserve more appreciation fr user6 i meeeeean they would make a really cute couple👀 user7 user6 oh girl no, they are SO sibling coded
user8 4th slide really made me hungry ngl
carlossainz55 i'm just here to say that i was the one who convinced y/n to try paella and in the end she loved it, you're welcome (unlike other people who didn't even dare to try it)
user9 now that's what i call a smooth operation yourusername you were right but just this time🙈 user10 f1 driver, smooth operator, fashion icon and food connoisseur: carlos sainz jr everybody 🙌 user11 who's "other people"??? landonorris IT'S SEAFOOD, CARLOS. I WASN'T GONNA EAT IT. y'all did it on purpose 😒 user12 OMG LANDO LKASJKEDJKG user13 so carlos, lando and y/n were out together? oh we won💅 user14 user13 YNLANDO NATION WE'RE SO BACK
user15 you drop this 👑👑👑
elbaoward the prettiest 🤍
yourusername miss youuuu💖 user16 iconic queens user17 MY FAV SISTERS IN LAW🫶 user18 now THIS is the kind of interactions i wanna see
user19 so after trying to get with lando and then with pato, she's now going after carlos? 😂😂
user20 user19 there's a thing called "friendship", in case you've never heard of it user21 she wants to be a wag so badly it's embarrassing user22 i mean it's the only way she can be relevant so🤷
user23 PRECIOSA 😍😍
user24 hope you had a great time in Spain, queen. come back soon❤️
user25 can she stop going to the races? I swear to God whenever she's around, Lando does poorly.
user26 as an indycar fan, i don't want her around either 😩 user27 SHE BRINGS BAD LUCK FR user28 and what does that have to do with her? if Lando is underperforming then that's on him lol
user29 so pretty omg 😫
user30 bestie please share your skincare routine
yourusername posted to their story!
patriciooward
liked by tkanaan, elbaoward, schecoperez, and 72,031 others!
patriciooward camera roll lately📸
user1 we really lost another one, ladies 😢
user2 girl i wanna be sad but they're so cute it's impossible😭 user3 user2 THIS IS SUCH A MOOD user4 at least we know he's in good hands 🫡
user5 CAN YOU TWO ADOPT ME?
user6 i always knew he was boyfriend material omg
user7 boyfriend of the year fr 🔥 user8 bro's in love and so am i (of them)
yourusername 4th slide is my fav cause you can see the most perfect O'ward😍 and Pato by her side
elbaoward love u babe 😻 brettkimbro elbaoward excuse me? 🤨 patriciooward yourusername EXCUSE ME yourusername i said what i said 😛 user9 i want to be their friend so bad
user10 COUPLE GOALS
user11 lando could never. yn really went for an upgrade and she didn't disappoint💅
user12 what does lando has to do with any of this?? user13 omfg girl get over it user14 she went for lando's cheaper version* user15 ynpato fans are obsessed with Lando and it shows😂
user16 i screamed with 6th slide ngl
user17 yes they're cute but CAN WE TALK ABOUT PATO ON PODIUM? THAT'S MY BOYYY🥳
user18 he deserved that so much 🥹 user19 so happy for hiiiiiiiim 🥹 user20 this weekend we got a pato podium AND ynpato moments on live tv, we really won user21 and some people say that yn brings bad luck lol user22 user21 literal clowns
arrowmclaren successful on and off track🤩
user23 admin you're so real for this user24 ADMIN IS ONE OF US
user25 MOM AND DAD ARE SO PRETTY
user26 pato's ig is about to become a yn fanpage and i'm SO here for it
user27 i mean no one can blame him tbh user28 patriciooward c'mon bestie drop more pics don't be shy
user29 in his lover era 🫶
user30 yn and pato are both SO fine🔥 they're meant to be
user31 where can I find a man who'll post me like pato posts yn?😭
user32 yn really needs to share the secret
yourusername posted to their story!
yourusername
liked by mattyp1, alex_albon, shelovesformula1, and 54, 102 others!
yourusername Always a great time, Austria 🤍
user1 QUEEN WHERE WERE YOU?
user2 it was so strange not having your stories talking about the highlights of the race🥺 hope everything is okay
user3 something about this feels so off
user4 glad to see i wasn't the only one thinking this user5 i meaaaan she posts this 3 days after the race?? something definitely happened user6 this caption feels so empty compared to the ones she usually writes user7 i mean we knew something was going on when she didn't post her usual post-race ig stories user8 she suddenly disappearing and pato deleting all her pics from his ig… yeah i'm pretty sure they broke up
user9 is everything okay? 🥺 we love you no matter what, queen!
user10 pato, elba and felix doesn't follow yn anymore omg i think i'm about to freak out😢
user11 why comment this on her post? even if something happened is none of our business. user12 GIRL I'M PANICKING
lissiemackintosh gorgeous💖
user13 why is people so dramatic? maybe yn was just tired or busy or whathever, she doesn't have to be online everyday jesus christ
user14 THANK YOU. everyone's acting like yn doesn't have a personal life outside social media user15 say it louder girl!!!! 👏👏
user16 does anyone knows if we're gonna get a vlog this week?
user17 idk yn hasn't said anything about it user18 i really doubt it tbh
user19 so pato broke up with this clout chaser? glad he's smarter than what i thought
user20 proud of my mclaren boys for getting away from this "lady" user21 user20 now we just need to keep oscar away from this bitch. user22 this is such an unnecessary comment. user23 spread your hate somewhere else, you're not welcome here.
user24 if pato and yn really broke up i'm gonna be so sad 😭
user25 i really don't get all this comments. can we actually talk about how beautiful she is???
user26 RIGHT??? she always slays with her looks user27 sis we know she's pretty but we love drama
user28 y'all wdym she and pato already broke up???😂😂😂 that didn't last long huh
user29 so funny yet so real user30 i always said pato deserved better, glad he realized it too
user31 the comments on this post are disgusting. if you don't like her then ignore her and leave her alone.
user32 people are so childish🙄 user33 user32 people are just seeing her for what she really is and it was about time lol
user34 i never thought i'd be alive to witness yn's downfall but i'm READY FOR THIS 🍿🍿
hope y'all don't hate me too much for all of this lol but i wanted drama. next part (probably) will be the last! so see u there🤍
taglist: @drunkinthemiddleoftheday @evie-119 @evans-dejong @minkyungseokie @noneofyourfbusinessworld @bernelflo @eiaaasamantha @ijustgomessitupx @honethatty12 @daemyratwst @f1fan65 @littlexscarletxwitch @sheslikeacurse @charlottejpg @lichterfee @callsignwidow @phantomxoxo @stinkyjax @rubywingsracing @willowpains @urfavsgf @biitch-with-wifi @lightdragonrayne @illicitverstappen @herebereblogs @tvdtw4ever @nataliambc
#kingofmyheart#lando norris#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x you#lando norris f1#lando norris imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 social media au#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fic#f1 fanfiction#pato o'ward#pato o'ward x reader#pato o'ward x y/n#pato o'ward x you#pato o'ward imagine#indycar social media au#indycar#f1#formulaone#pato o'ward fanfic#indycar fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction#female!reader#f1 content creator
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Deadpool Headcanons
cw:: mentions of sex and violence. it's wade lol
description:: goddess reader, wade is your boyfriend >:)
a/n:: wade and i are married irl so this is straight from the source
Wade likely meets you first. which is a nice way of saying he's been stalking you after having a legitimate romcom, slow motion, wind only in HIS (metaphorical) hair moment
once he finally introduces himself, your aggravation only leads (turns) him on
your way of cooing condescending, violent things as you accost this clown(?) sets it in stone - your the love of his fucking life
You shove Wade against the nearest wall. "I'm sure you're a.. special kid, but let's put on our listening caps." Your eyes practically pierce his soul, unblinking, pupils narrow and frustrated. "Go ahead." You release him and pat his head like an order. "On." You wait a beat, make sure he's listening- at least to the best of his ability. "Get in my way again and I will turn you into a fucking vegetable." You whisper yell, hardly realizing your nails are biting his jaw through his mask. "Thank you." With a curt grin and pat to his cheek, you saunter past him.
He grunts as he’s slammed against the wall, staring down at you with furrowed brows and a slowly growing grin. “This is not how my first dates usually go but I’m game.” He blurts out before you start speaking. He tilts his head at the mention of a listening cap, looking down at his hands as if one will materialize before you let him go. He blinks slowly and mimes putting a hat on before his head is shoved back against the wall at the force of your sudden grasp. He grins quickly at the fleeting feeling of nails sinking into flesh, chest heaving a touch before he mourns the loss of the sting almost instantly. As his skin stitches itself back together, he rouses himself from his starry eyed haze and starts after you. “How do you feel about Tahiti—maybe Turks and Caicos, I can’t exactly tan, but I feel like I can just sit out and burn.” He rambles, hot on your heels as he takes a selfish look of you before returning to the task at hand. What was it again? Right—planning your honeymoon. “How do you feel about hydrangeas, they smell like shit but, we could always settle for tulips.” He stops for a beat before continuing. “Fuck, you’re a great negotiator. Fine, we can do orchids.”
Wade is nothing if not good at wearing people down. that's how he eventually gets you to start laughing at his jokes, to smile cheekily instead of burning him with your stare or the venom in your tone
his personality is infectious and soon enough you two are attached at the hip
Despite his CVS receipt of red flags, Wade is a really good boyfriend
Wade is surprisingly attentive, but you truly are the most interesting, beautiful, sexy, delicious, thing that has ever graced his sorry fucking existence so how could he not spend his life fixating on you
he picks up on all the little things you like and goes out of his way to keep you smiling - only happy, fucked out tears are allowed for his girl
you can conjure up whatever you like, being a god, so his money is reserved for surprises - ringpops whenever the last is finished, food because you likely don't know how to cook (why learn when you can will a three course meal into life with a snap of your fingers) and Wade is banned from every kitchen for obvious reasons, and merch of himself with his moniker, name, and/or his symbol on it
Wade can be possessive and jealous to a degree, so showing you off is one of his greatest pleasures
if you wear his hoodie or a little pair of sleep shorts or panties with his name on it, the poor fuck will actually combust. should've worn his white pants
any time you go literally anywhere and meet someone new (ie dragging him along and making him pay for stuff) Wade takes the opportunity to make it known you are his
"Oh, have you met my WIFE?"
He beams to the cashier at the luxury store who truly thought they were about to robbed.
"Yea, she's my WIFE. We're MARRIED. It was a crisp afternoon and she threw me against the wall-"
All while his arm is secured around you, holding you to his side as he thumbs over your hip bone.
he'll likely say you're married before you even start enjoying his company. the moment you accept that unwrapped ring pop definitely covered in blood and lint, those metaphorical documents are signed. it's set in stone like the 11th fucking commandment. you'll be together forever
and you just go along with it. why not? being immortal gets boring after a few millenniums and this strange, poor mentally challenged man in spandex is pretty fun having around
the whole married bit goes on for so long you're not even sure if it's still a bit anymore
Wade uses the sanctity of your marriage in any situation - another guy with a gun on some mission copping a feel? "I'M MARRIED". someone brushes past him on the street? "I'M MARRIED". sees anyone look a little too long at you? "SHE'S MARRIED"
he'd kill and die for you over and over again. say the word and it's a done deal. that hypothetical guy who checked you out a little too long got a face full of gloved knuckles
want to keep his dick in a jar because Wade Jr. obviously brings you so much joy? say less. he knows a guy who can get him formaldehyde cheap
if Wade isn't busy showing you off in public, he's arguing with strangers on reddit about how you very much are his real life WIFE
ilovechappelroan: That's photoshop.
mercwithamouth1: it's not we took that picture together and her tits r real
webhead123: i think it's AI generated. see the blurry line where his cheek is apparently pressed against her head?
ilovechappelroan: Yea, mods should take this down.
mercwithamouth1: i have ur ip and im omw over she'll tell u herself WE ARE MARRIED and she will dox u bc she LOVES ME
webhead123: okay???? i already know where i live lol
"Hold this." Wade orders with a pouty huff and camera at the ready as he hands you a paper that reads i'm not a hostage don't ask me to blink twice
you two bicker and argue over random things (usually because you enjoy a reason to complain as it passes the time in your literally endless existence), but it's never anything of substance and usually under a veil of something condescending any sly
these stupid, teasing spats 9 times out of 10 end up with Wade soothing your brattiness by cooing little phrases and pulling you onto him in any way he can
"Don't pout, you're so sexy- fuck, I can't stay mad at you- what if I let you peg me?"
Wade doesn't mind this routine at all. it's just another reason for him to get his hands on you
he loves holding you, feeling the weight of your body against his - throwing you over his shoulder when you're being a brat, carrying you all day because his girl is "just too pretty walk", sat on his lap, chest, face (when he's been *really* good)
he'll do virtually anything to have you praise him, call yourself mommy and go on about how much of a good boy he is
he in turn responds to that comfort with a few pet names of his own - sweetheart, cupcake, the wind beneath my wings, my will to live or his favorite my future baby mama
nothing in the universe, not even the shittiest of writers he's handed, could take him away from you
he's content just having you, knowing you're his - BUT he does have a little fantasy he's shared a few hundred time of really having you. a pretty thing, a trophy who sits at home and waits for him to walk through the door covered in blood and guts. you can't go outside, it's just not safe out there for his baby, so he'll always be with you. dress you in nice things, show you off, shower you in affection, heed your every whim. you'd be slaves to each other
and why would you protest? sounds fun
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