#we're going to have some afterward notes so let's see uhh

[amugoffandoms]

Woo!! It's time! It's time for the gift exchange!! (@milgram-valentines-exchange) Happy Valentine's Day to @mrcrazyvillainvillainn!! I had such a fun time writing your gift!! Truly gotta let Mahiru and Mikoto be silly and happy! I really hope you enjoy!! I've never written a ship fic for any of the prisoners, so I guess we ball?? (Also, let me know if you want the art without the titles!!) JIAWODJIAOW Anyways, here we go! Please enjoy...

do i dare love you? (i have always loved you)

Is this selfish? This isn’t too much, is it? I just love you so much. How long would this dream go on? I guess we can just say that this feeling is happiness~ Do you really think you know what love is? You don’t have to keep it in and hide it away. "I love you", the reason why I'm here This is how "I" will love "you"! --- "To be honest, Mikoto Kayano didn't know what to expect." "Mahiru Shiina fixes the flowers in a bouquet and hands it off to the customer." (Mikoto Kayano and Mahiru Shiina love each other in the smallest of moments.)

To be honest, Mikoto Kayano didn't know what to expect. Getting a mysterious call out of the blue? Well, ah… That’s sure to scare him.

No, no, everything’s fine. No need to resort to anything crazy. 

Mikoto exhales and splashes some water on his face. Turning off the sink, he looks up at the mirror and flashes himself a smile. 

…ah, okay, that was a little embarrassing. Mikoto laughs to himself as he walks out of the bathroom and back to his desk.

He drums his pen against his desk as he moves his mouse around to turn his computer back on. Placing his head on his hand, he scrolls through emails and emails.

…

It’s just the same emails. “Fix that.” “I liked the original design better; can you do it again?” “The deadline moved. Make sure your designs are ready for–”

Ping!

Mikoto blinks and glances over at his phone. 

New Message: make sure to come soon! 

Right, yeah. Mikoto has to head back home soon. Okay, he should really get a start on his work so he can head home early!

Sitting straight, Mikoto pulls up some designs on his computer and grabs the small stack of papers. 

With one more glance at the ideas given, Mikoto starts designing.

Mikoto leans back in his chair and slumps back. The design… is done! This is where Mikoto pretends to hear a soft achievement noise. Ding!

Anyways, Mikoto exhales and looks at the papers on his desk. The design is nice! One of his finest designs, actually. He flips through the papers and nods to himself, happy with the result. 

In the corner of his eye, he notices his boss and quickly waves him down. The second his boss looks at him with a small smile, Mikoto realizes his desk is an absolute mess. 

Ack–! Why did he leave his energy drink can here? Oh, these papers need to be in a folder–

Right after Mikoto finishes rearranging his desk, his boss finally makes it to his desk.

“Chief! I finished the design you wanted me to make!” Mikoto hands the stack of designs with a small smile. His boss blinks, clearly surprised at how fast Mikoto finished the designs. He flips through the small stack, checking each design.

 

His serious expression seriously doesn’t tell me anything… Mikoto internally groans.

“Good job, Kayano.” His boss places the stack underneath his arm. “These will probably suffice for our client. Do you have other designs that need to be completed?” “Ah, um–” Mikoto looks around at his desk. He doesn’t think he does. “...No…?’

“Oh?” His boss asks, surprised for some reason. Hey, Mikoto knows how to finish his work if it isn’t being constantly changed! “Ah… Alright then… I guess you…” His boss looks around the office. “...Actually, it looks like everyone is preoccupied.”

Mikoto shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Please don’t give him more work. Please don’t give him more work. 

His boss lifts his wrist and looks at his watch. “Hm… It’s seven. Earlier than I would like to let anyone out.” 

Oh, please. Please. Please-!!

His boss sighs. “Alright, Kayano. You may head home early today. I’m only doing this because you’ve got most of your work under control and I unfortunately don’t want to bother your coworkers with giving you their work.” You would anyway, but you seem to be in good spirits today…? “Thank you, Chief!” Mikoto smiles. “Don’t expect this often from me. Have a good night.” His boss turns right around and walks away, going over to a different cubicle. Mikoto watches as his boss walks away and pumps his fist.

Woo! I’m free! Mikoto grins to himself as he packs his stuff into his bag. Standing up, he shuts his computer off and looks around.  To be honest, he feels really bad for his coworkers… 

But, he promised to get home as soon as he could. Mikoto glances at his phone, specifically that one notification.

make sure to come soon!

He doesn’t want to break his promise. So, with a quiet exhale, he walks to the elevator and clicks the button to go down. The elevator doors open.

He walks in.

…

“…oh, I forgot to press the button to the lobby–” Mikoto mumbles as he quickly clicks the button down.

Mikoto hears the key click in the lock and turns the doorknob. As he walks into his apartment, the lights are all out.

“I could’ve sworn I left the lights on…?” Mikoto mumbles as he takes the key out of the lock and shrugs off his coat. He slowly walks through his apartment, fumbling for the lights. 

His hands land on the switch and Mikoto flips the lights on–

Arms wrap around Mikoto’s neck. Something makes Mikoto twitch. “Surprise~!”

Mikoto jumps. 

Mahiru laughs above him as Mikoto lies on the ground, dazed. “Ma– Mappi???” Someone relaxes.

“Hehe~ Did I scare you?” Mahiru giggles, absolutely beaming. “A… a little, yeah!” Mikoto dusts himself off. “I think I hit my head… Ow…”

Mahiru’s laughter immediately stops. “Ah– did I hurt you? Hey, let me see–”  Mahiru quickly kneels on the floor and scoots next to Mikoto. “No, no. I’m okay, I promise– Please don’t worry!” Mikoto gives a weak smile. “Let me just look, okay?” Mahiru says, with a soft voice filled with concern. (Her voice is always soft, but these moments, they're just a little bit more comforting. Maybe it’s Mikoto being too detail-oriented recently, but he’s decided to notice the smaller things.)

Mikoto swallows. “Okay.”

She looks at the back of Mikoto’s head, checking for any bumps or bruises.  The moment is silent as Mahiru looks all over Mikoto’s head for anything and Mikoto sits there, quiet.

To be honest, he doesn’t want to say anything. He doesn’t want to ruin it. It’s… those small moments, right? When you know someone loves you. Those are the moments you want to hold in your hands because they’re so fuzzy and warm. 

“I love you,” Mikoto whispers. 

There’s a pause. Mahiru stops checking his hair. Her hands are still. She’s not moving. 

Did he ruin it? Maybe he should apologize and–

“I love you, too,” Mahiru whispers back.

And, they’re back to silence.

Mahiru scoots back in front of him. “You’re okay. Nothing too bad, okay?” 

She says it with a voice that makes him know she cares: a warm, loving voice. It makes him want to cry just because she loves him. 

And, he loves her. And, he'll make sure she knows that.

“Okay,” Mahiru says, her voice oddly strained. Is… is she about to cry? “Um… Okay, I made some food for you. I– I know you don’t usually like big gestures and I really shouldn’t push myself, but… I think you deserve it, okay?”  “Okay.” Mikoto nods. He stands up and gives a hand to Mahiru, who takes it with a small giggle. “Hehe, this feels like a fairy tale~” She hums.

“Hey, can I…?” “Eh? Do what?” Mahiru asks, with a tilted head. “I mean, whatever it is, I don’t mind~”  

Mikoto places a small kiss on Mahiru’s cheek.  “Ah–!! Hey–! Oh–” She’s red, blushing from ear to ear. 

Mikoto laughs. “That was payback.” “Oh, you-!!” Mahiru has an angry look, but her smile says otherwise. “Fine, fine! That’s fair. Okay, come on, let’s eat~ I don’t want our food to be cold!” Mahiru grabs Mikoto’s hand in hers, trying to drag him over to the table.

Her hands are warm.  Mahiru quickly pauses as she looks at Mikoto and their hands. “Is everything okay…?” Mikoto nods.

“Everything’s perfect.”

Mahiru Shiina fixes the flowers in a bouquet and hands it off to the customer. “Have a good afternoon~” She grins.

As the shopkeeper’s bell rings to show the customer has left, Mahiru sighs and melts into the counter.  “Shiina…? Are you alright?” One of her coworkers asks as they walk over. Mahiru mumbles something into the counter.  “Uh…” They laugh. “Okay, I’m guessing you’re not okay. Um…”

Mahiru keeps her head on the counter as she hears her coworker’s footsteps slowly disappear.

Mahiru sighs. She’s really tired… She wasn’t able to get any sleep last night. She doesn’t even know why. She just couldn’t sleep. A lady like her should be getting her beauty sleep! 

Oh, well… She’ll just have to brave the storm! 

Mahiru quickly lifts her head up and instantly gets hit with a fit of dizziness. 

Ah, that was a bad idea…

As Mahiru quickly blinks away the dizziness, she notices her boss and coworker walking over. 

“I wasn’t doing anything–! I mean, I was doing something, I promise!” Mahiru awkwardly laughs as she waves her hands around defensively. Her boss shakes her head. “Mahiru, you can head home. We don’t expect that many people today, and you seem tired. I can cover whatever is left of your shift.” “Ah, but–” “I’ll pay you for your full shift, alright? Just head home.” “Okay.” Mahiru hesitantly nods and takes off her apron as she heads to the break room to grab her stuff. 

When Mahiru returns with her belongings, her coworker hands her a small bouquet with lilyturf, dahlias, forget-me-nots, and red lilies. 

“I know you’ve enjoyed taking these kinds of flowers home recently, so here you are!” As Mahiru opens her mouth to speak, her coworker continues, “And, don’t worry about the charge. I already paid for it.” Mahiru blinks, taking the bouquet and looking at it. “Ah… Oh. Thank you.” Mahiru smiles at the flowers.

“Of course! Now, rest well!”

Mahiru smiles at her coworker before leaving the store, the shopkeeper’s bell ringing behind her.

Mahiru hums as she enters her apartment and quickly walks over to her table near the couch, grabbing water from the kitchen. She places her bag on the floor next to the couch.

Sitting on the couch, she pours some water into a glass vase. Then, she places her bouquet in the vase.

Mahiru looks at the bouquet for a few moments, admiring each flower.

When she yawns, she finally lowers her head on a pillow and slowly…

Closes…

Her eyes…

There’s a smell of food cooking in the air.  She feels warm.

Mahiru slowly blinks the sleepiness from her eyes and looks around. 

…why is there a blanket on her…?  Is someone cooking?

Confused, she pushes herself upright and glances at the kitchen.

Mikoto.

Mikoto is cooking.

“Huh…?” Mahiru blurts out, sleepy and confused. Mikoto looks over at Mahiru. “Oh, hey! You’re awake! Sorry, I tried calling you, but you were asleep. Um, so I let myself in with the spare key!” 

Mahiru glances at her bag on the floor and quickly picks it up. Opening it, she searches for her phone. When she finally finds it, she turns it on and sees the notifications flood her lock screen.

3 Missed Calls

10 New Messages:

hey, mappi ^^!!

i’m off from work so i’m coming to visit!

Ah wait you might be at work

Go back to work!!

i think your door is locked??

hello?

mappi??

i’m letting myself in, ok?

oh dear where’s your key

found it!! Coming in now :D

Mahiru rambles as she stares at the notifications, “Ah– I didn’t realize you were calling. I’m so sorry, please forgive me–”

“Hey, hey. It’s all good!” Mikoto smiles. “You were tired, so I let you sleep. I grabbed a blanket from your closet. Hope that’s okay!”

Mahiru nods and sits there for a moment, not sure what to do.

She glances over at the table, spotting the bouquet. She looks at Mikoto, who has a smile on his face as he tries to cook some soup. 

She knows why she likes getting these flowers.

They remind her of Mikoto.

They remind her of how much she loves him.

She loves him.

“Hey, let me help you, okay~?” Mahiru sings as she hops up and skips over to the kitchen. “No, I’m okay. I can cook, see?” Mahiru looks at the small pot Mikoto is using to cook soup. 

It’s… hm… not the best soup…?

“Just let me help you, alright?” “Alright, alright.” Mikoto, stepping back, raises his hands. “Show me what you want to do.”

Mahiru quickly slides in front of Mikoto and glances at the pot. "Can you wrap your arms around me?"

"Eh–?" Mikoto coughs in shock. "Yeah, yeah– Um…" 

Mikoto quickly wraps her arms around Mahiru and looks over her shoulder as he tries to stir.

“Mhm~” Mahiru hums. “You’re stirring a little too harshly. Relax, okay?”  “Alright.” Mikoto slowly stirs the soup.  “Still too tense. Okay, hold on.” Mahiru places her hands on his. “Okay, now… We’ll do this together, okay?” 

Mikoto is quiet. Mahiru takes that as his yes.

Mahiru, with Mikoto’s hands in hers, slowly stirs the soup. She murmurs some small compliments.

Mahiru lets go of his hands and smiles. “See, you’re doing it now!”  Mikoto breathes a sigh of relief. “Is it better? Honestly, I really couldn’t tell the difference.” “Hmm… Well, I guess there really isn’t.” Mahiru shrugs. “But, I think the amount of quiet, slow care you put into something will show itself." She's made herself learn that love can be soft and strong. Ever since her last boyfriend and she broke up on... amicable terms, she's tried being better. For love, and for who she loves. “I see.” “...I know it really doesn’t make sense. I’m sorry.” Mahiru shakes her head and slides out from in front of Mikoto.

“No, no. It makes sense, I promise.” Mikoto looks over at Mahiru with a smile. “It shows that you care.”

Mahiru smiles back.

After a few moments with Mahiru helping Mikoto cook, they finally eat together at the table. 

“Mappi?” Mikoto fidgets with his spoon. “Hmm?” Mahiru hums, food in her mouth. “Thank you.”

Mahiru blinks and just nods. “Y-yeah, of course…!”

Ah– That was so embarrassing…! Not at all lady-like! I should’ve just…!!

“I really don’t cook often, so that was really helpful. Haha…” Mikoto rubs his neck with a smile. “I mean, I do cook! It’s just… noodles and stuff.” “Well, now you know how to cook one more thing!” Mahiru smiles.

“Yeah.” Mikoto looks at Mahiru with a loving smile on his face.

His smile is so sweet. He even tries to do stuff he’s never done before for me! Ack… My heart can’t take it–!!

I love you.

Mikoto stares at Mahiru before laughing. 

“E-eh?? What did I do??” “Nothing, nothing. I love you, too.” Mikoto grins.

…she said that out loud…

Mahiru is instantly embarrassed. She feels warm again, but she’s not wearing a blanket. “Oh… Ah–”  “Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s sort of cute, I think…?” Mikoto rubs his neck. “Ah– If you say so…!!”

The two of them continue eating when Mikoto suddenly speaks up again. “Hey, did you mean to make you help me feel like one of those scenes from a movie…?” “E-eh?? No, no, wait– Ah. I really didn’t, I swear!!” Mahiru frantically shakes her head. Mikoto blinks, seeming to realize Mahiru is a little panicked. “Hey, no! I thought it was sweet–!”

Mahiru awkwardly laughs. “I’m glad you do… Um… Maybe I was subconsciously inspired by something…?”

“That’s okay.” Mikoto shrugs. “Everything you do is sweet.”

Mahiru beams. 

“If it’s for you, I’ll make sure it’s worth everything.”

[wannaeatramyeon]

Hi~ I just wanna ask you, how do you think/feel about Eli & Heather's relationship and their 'history'? Like some people said that Heather took advantage of Eli's innocence, some people said that it was Eli's mistake.

Ok anon. I have my thoughts but I reread the arc just to try and articulate them better. Fucking forgot Darius Hong was in this. And no one needs more Darius Hong in their life. Anyway.

Eli Jang/Heather Relationship rambles

In this essay...

Damn. This is rough. Please note I may be the least well informed person to give my thoughts on this. Happy for anyone to disagree.

Sigh. I think a lot of times we think of things in black and white, whereas almost everything is in shades of grey.

Eli Jang & Heather's background

First off, Eli has experienced a lot of trauma when he was first introduced, and clearly going through a lot mentally. He's also stunted in a lot of ways and 'deprived of an education'. Literally everything that he has known was abuse. Ran away from home at the age of 10. And whatever fucked up shit was going on with Tom Lee too.

I cannot stress how clear all of this is.

With Heather, the only real thing we know about her is she's 15. Both parents lawyers and very overbearing.

Eli Jang's 'recovery' from trauma

But by chapter 237: Eli Jang (6) a month passes and they have both met. Eli, from how he is portrayed, has already improved a lot. Healed a lot. Not fully. I think we need to remember that the passing of time and progression differs massively in Lookism than in real life.

If this was real life, nope. Lookism, ehhhh. Literally please suspend your belief.

This is in part a big reason why I don't blame Heather for her actions that night.

The huge fucking question mark over consent

I can also never fully agree with anyone saying that Heather groomed Eli. To me, she acts very much like a 15 year old girl with a crush. Less nefarious than what grooming implies. Could she have been better informed and set boundaries? Hell yeah.

From what we can see in the panels, Eli reciprocates her feelings. Sure there might be other things going on, but if there were insidious intentions I feel like PTJ would show it more front and center.

To me, looking at the storyline and art, it just feels like 2 people with a crush.

At the same time, if we apply real life morals to this, then yeah it's all pretty messed up. This isn't real life though.

(Sex education is a whole other kettle of fish I don't want to get into. Where I'm from, we have free contraceptives, free medical care, sex education. But oops, teenage pregnancies still happen an awful lot.)

Here's where people might disagree because I'm giving consent to people on their behalf - though we're talking about fictional characters here and all we can do is speculate.

My opinions on this are:

If we ask Heather if she believed Eli consented that night, she would fully believe so.

Similarly at the time, Eli would probably say yes he did.

I have little reason shown by PTJ to doubt that he would withdraw his consent present day as well.

As for Eli's mistake?

Uhh. Assuming they are both able to consent, and let's just say yes for the sake of simplicity, then I don't see how the night together is his mistake?

The whole mess afterwards and the poor communication and martyr thing going on I would say is his mostly his fault. Yes, he has his reasons for it. Two things can still be true.

And fucking Olly Wang.

But Heather was right there. Eli could have cleared the air with her. Said wtf I didn't message you those but he didn't.

Heather lashed out, which I think is a very human response to her situation and the sudden insane amount of pressure placed on her shoulders, however unfair her words are. She didn't have the full story though, whereas Eli did.

So like I said, I place more of the ownership of this situation on Eli even though I can also see where it all stems from.

In Summary

This goes back to what I said before about there are so many shades of grey, and this situation and relationship is absolutely not black and white. To me, anyway.

We can also imply all we want with things happening off-screen during any of the arcs though it's better to stick with what we can see or clearly read between the lines.

Taking in my thoughts above, honestly? I just think it's a tragic story about 2 kids that had unprotected sex one night and then it fucking spiralled. I don't see the blame lying with either one for their actions. Based on my reasons above.

This situation feels too nuanced here for me to say yeah Heather fucked up or Eli fucked up because there are so many details at play here, mostly to do with Eli Jang's background but also to do with the pacing of time and recovery in PTJ-verse.

TL;DR: No-one sucks here. Too many nuances. Sad af situation.

[rin-and-jade]

(//Note from further down, this ended up being some sort of a reflective post almost, uh jeez... but uhh here we go?//)

Heya,

Do you have anything of/on system infighting? //Actually, do you know any good methods on spotting subconsious mindsets/mentalities and how to undo/unlearn them? I think that'd be more helpful//.

We're really struggling with being functional together in our system recently, as all of us want/need different things that conflict with eachother.

.....

.....

.....

Ex.

I had a fellow alter who really wanted to post about some of our story on the Internet, as a way to cope/process/handle their anger and frustration/resentment/bitterness about the unfairness of being abused and noone helping us(/them).

And then I had another alter, that... for some reason was resisting it and basically tried to ignore them and didn't wanna cooperate with the other (1st mentioned) alter. I don't know exactly why they did that, and I'm struggling as to how I'm supposed to handle this infighting.

Who's side am I supposed to take? Do I even take a side? Taking a side... feels wrong somehow, like.. This whole mentality of deciding Who's wrong or right and who deserves this or that.. feels... gross? Wrong, disgusting? And I don't know why?

I guess it's all I've ever known/been taught??

Idk,,, let me try talking a bit about our/my mentality? Maybe that'll help us figuring stuff out.... here goes..

Our mentality:

Our mentality when it comes to these decision about our different needs is very much focused on who gets to be "The right one ✅️" and who gets to be "The black sheep ⬛️🐑".

Basically who gets to become the victor and gets their needs met, and who gets to be the loser who's wrong - and don't get to have their needs met,

So it's a constant battle.(?) For/where all alters in a "fight" basically have to prove they are right (/ Deserving of having their needs met).

So essentially what happens is one ends up getting assigned the golden child role and gets their needs met, where the other gets assigned the black sheep role and doesn't get their needs met + occasionally gets shamed for being "in the wrong".

It's a very black and white sort of thinking about an argument.

The effect this has:

is that the announced "Golden child" will feel a sense of superiority over the other alter, and the announced "Black sheep" will feel resentment over the unfairness of the situation, — Since noone deserves to NOT get their needs met and it's unfair to pit people (Alters) against eachother in this sort of way, and creates a really unhealthy not to mention immoral situation/dynamic.

...

...

...

Huh... this was a very enlightening way of explaining it/putting light to what's been happening behind the scenes........ huh/ohh. .. ...

Reflections:

I'm trying to see what(/WHO) "matters more". Comparison...... What I'm doing is comparing the two alters and then deciding on their worth based on their argument. AND afterwards deciding who gets their needs met versus who doesn't also based on their argument. Yikes. That's.. not a healthy way to go about this, huh.....

So essentially what I could try to do here is figure out a way in which I don't weigh their value based on argument where they (alters) basically have to fight for their life in a weird, crazed sort of fucked up way. Just to get their needs met......

So I could start with...

- All alters deserve to get their needs met. -Nobody should have to fight to get their needs met. - Noone is better or worse than anyone else. Everyone is equal. And should thus be treated fairly and equally. - And trying to reflect/notice this mindset more, if I (/we) can.

I guess we still have a lot of unhealthy mentality we didn't know about to unlearn here. Welp, nothing else to do except get to work, I suppose... :shrug:

This became kind-of more it's own post rather than an ask with questions, (I tried to include/add some in the beginning so you had something to go off of! 😊). Upsie. Sorry to dump that on ya, uhh put I hope it's okay maybe someone else will get some use out of our Reflections...? I hope so at least 😅..

Goodbye 👋 thxnks for listening? :) ❤️ /slightly confused on how I ended up here myself/ 😅. Buuuut uhh hi! :) and bye! :) ?

— 🍃🍂❤️✨️❄️🌙⭐️💫🌌🌨☁️

Yes! I have dealt with countless in-sys fighting, i remember my first years of my own parts never ever capable of settling an answer without any violence..? And have yet to learn communal and cooperative methods not long ago.

--

What i found from your example:

Needing to take a side? Doesn't that sounded like an ultimatum or black and white? Answers doesn't have to be "Absolute" as in, considering if all people are good, or if all people are bad. EVERYTHING has a pro and a con, sometimes multiple.

That being said, instead of trying to pick an option out, what answer would you came up with if you combine both sides? This answer would still be somewhere along the lines of posting experiences whilst also being anonymous (considering if the other disagreed due to sensitive information)

If it were to be a different reason, like being uncomfortable with the idea, it would be worth asking deeper on how to cater its own limitations. If it's not backing down, then its very important to explain to the first alter who wants to express its own struggles to cope, to find another media,, and see if the other one also agreed to.

Conclusion: when it comes to these situations, you're meant to do trial and error (well, i didn't like being the middle person, its preferable if they can do the discussion themselves whenever possible) , and figure out how to create a situation where both parties are satisfied.

--

My observation of your mentality:

Ah-- make sense actually-..

It seems like there had always been a power struggle between who's need should be met, which can be seen in horrible parental dynamics (im sorry if you felt this way).

Here's something easy to comprehend; what if you just abolish the whole winner and loser idea? What if i can help you find a way to accept that everyone deserves their own needs to be met without the dynamic struggle? Taking turns in queues are a thing, though it's just one of my examples.

The relation to the effect you just realized:

Exactly... the fight seems to be the one to perpetuate this superior-inferior hierarchy. Which in return fuels more violence and aggression to just get what a person needs. Its possible to unlearn this, first step is understanding that less hurtful ways would create less hurt, and more cooperation instead. You might also have silently learnt how to suppress your other needs, make sure to address this one too if i guessed that right.

--

Comments on your reflection:

Mhm, good! I can atleast affirm that you're in the right path. Please take note that some may still be blinded by aggression (subconscious ways to get their needs met), that being said, it is a good idea to wake everyone up from their own automatic response in order to fully unravel and unlearn this negative mindset.

People need another person to string their jumbled thoughts into coherent paragraphs sometimes, which this alone had gave you many insights before i could have the chance to chime in.

Feel free to come back and talk again--as well as others who need this kind of interaction, my asks have no limits to what you can talk about y'know?

Goodluck, and have a darn great timezone whenever you are.

- c

[mrpenguinpants]

I have,, a new Genshin oc 👀 hope u don't mind me sending in so many asks dsdjgjshd but I had to tell someone about her

Her name is Lilith (Lily) and she's a cryo catalyst user from Mondstadt and a senior member of the investigation team. She was childhood friends with Kaeya and Diluc but the Crepus incident pulled them apart. I don't have too many details of her backstory pinned down yet but I've already figured out all her skills and talents and her voicelines lmao so I guess I'll share those instead:

About Kaeya - Friendship: Captain Kaeya… he's an enigma alright. It took me years just to get under that mask of his, and even now I'm still not sure if what I'm seeing is the real him. That said, once you get to know him, he's a loyal and reliable friend. The best anyone can ask for.

About Kaeya - Eyepatch: Kaeya's eyepatch? Why are you asking me?…you think because I'm the closest to him that I would know what's under there? Haha, don't be ridiculous, I hardly know him well enough to pry into his secrets.

About Diluc: I knew him when I was still a knight in training. He was… different back then… happier. Now, after all that's happened… well, best if you go talk to him yourself if you want to know more.

About Albedo: He's brilliant! I admire him a lot—not just for his alchemical genius, but for his dedicated work ethic. Unlike a certain other captain whose name I won't mention, Captain Albedo would never drink on the job.

About Jean: Ah, Acting Grandmaster Jean… though, she's been doing this for so long I feel like she should just take the title of Grandmaster. She seems to be good at everything except taking care of herself. Maybe I should bring her some lunch again today…

About Rosaria: Would it be sacrilege to say I agree with her views on the church? In fact, I have never been a fan of the Church of Favonius. If Mondstadt is the City of Freedom, should not its citizens have the freedom to choose how they worship their Archon?

About Lisa: Is she still calling me her "little helper"? Ugh, when will I be rid of that nickname…

About Venti: Ah, that bard who has recently become Kaeya's drinking buddy? I… admit I may have a distorted judgment of him, as I have yet to see the lad completely sober.

About the Vision: Ah, this is my proudest achievement… though, I'm not sure if I can call it that. I was just in the right place at the right time. Anyone else would've done the same.

Favorite food: Nothing warms the heart and soul like a nice bowl of soup! What, you think just because I wield cryo that I can never get cold?

Least favorite food: I will never understand this city's love for alcohol. Not only is the taste repulsive, it clouds the mind and impairs judgement. …How can Kaeya drink so much of the stuff?

Lilith's Hobbies: Did you know that there's a grand piano in the Knights' headquarters that no one uses? Such a shame that this beautiful instrument goes unappreciated. Say… when you next have time, would you like to come in for a private concert?

Lilith's Troubles: There's just not enough time to do all the things I want to do. If only Captain Albedo's alchemy could add more hours to the day… hmm…

More about Lilith - I: My research? Oh, you misunderstand. I'm merely a member of the investigation team, not an alchemist. However, I have helped Captain Albedo with various experiments, so I've picked up a few things.

Kaeya's About Lilith: Lilith? Heh, I've known her for quite some time now. Yes, we're friends. Are we close? Hmm… let's just say that she understands me in a way that most people in Mondstadt cannot.

Fun facts/backstory?:

Kaeya calls her his little lily (only in private or when he's trying to tease her)

She and Kaeya drifted apart after Crepus' death, but once Diluc returned to Mondstadt Kaeya began approaching her once again. They rekindled their friendship but Lilith knows Kaeya's keeping secrets from her. She just hopes he can one day trust her enough to reveal the truth.

Kaeya hasn't told her about Khaenri'ah or his past, but just the fact that she was one of the few people who were actually friends with him before the Crepus incident puts her in his circle of trust

She's shorter than Kaeya and he will not stop teasing her for it

They're not dating (yet)

Lilith got her Vision when the library of Mondstadt caught fire (this is canon but it happened like way back in the day so I'm bending the timeline a little lol) and she rushed in to save the books. This was before she became a knight and was just working as a helper around the library (hence her voiceline about Lisa). She was able to save several rare manuscripts thanks to her newfound power keeping the flames at bay. Afterward she was awarded a medal by the Grandmaster but she always considered the Vision her true reward. This event is also what pushed her to become a knight in earnest so she can use her powers to protect Mondstadt

I just realized that both of my Genshin OCs' visions match the characters I paired them with lmao

As a playable character she'd likely be a main/sub DPS whose focus is critting the hell out of your enemies. She'd synergize well w cryo resonance. You'd want her on a freeze team bc her charged attack summons an icicle and counts as a heavy attack so it can deal shattered damage

Haha whoops this became really long dskfjdjd but uhh hope you enjoyed reading about Lilith!! I'm still trying to figure out what she looks like so there may be art on the way soon 👀

Blinking at this 20 page essay in front of me haha but please don't worry about sending me too many asks. If you're okay with my shit reply times then spam my inbox with anything.

Is there a cyro catalyst in genshin yet? I don't think so (maybe signora but she's not playable yet) but it's such a good fucking concept and I want it. It would look so pretty or elegant or we could be throwing snowballs goddammit. But can I say how much I love voice lines??? As much of a lore junkie that I am, there's something about voice lines that send me. If you have any more voice lines. please feed me.

Side note: "…How can Kaeya drink so much of the stuff?"

I'm pretty sure it's borderline confirmed since Venti drinks to forget his ptsd...I'm hard eyeballing Kaeya for the same reasons.

Can I say how fucking hot it is when characters don't pry into each other's business? Just having that mutual trust that you can take care of whatever you're dealing with, and if you can't, you can come to me for help without feeling ashamed. I'm not self-reflecting at all, what do you mean? But I'm enjoying this dynamic a lot. Feels very healthy and I support that. But hey, double cryo has a pretty good element synergy bonus haha. Speaking of criting, my Eula has a 15% crit chance....

But if you do create art or more lore, please share with me! Unless you already have and I haven't seen the ask yet haha.

[fumiko-matsubara]

June 22, 2014 ー 13:41

Characters: Chiba Ryuunosuke, Yamazaki Jenny, Nakamura Rio, and Maehara Hiroto

Word Count: 2.3k words

Author's Note: I've just been wanting to write anything about these particular four lol

"What are you two doing here?"

Nakamura and Maehara purposely avoided Miki's intense stare as she interrogated them.

"I was just getting something to eat but then I saw you two across the street..." Nakamura answered innocently before finally letting herself meet Miki's gaze. "So I just thought of saying hi... didn't expect to bump with this guy though," she pointed a thumb towards Maehara.

Verbally unresponsive, Miki blankly stared back for a few seconds, seemingly taking in Nakamura's answer, before moving her gaze towards Maehara's instead and raised an eyebrow, prompting him to speak up.

Maehara immediately looked sideways, avoiding her gaze once again. "Well, you told me last week that I should cancel my date with Remi-chan and that's what I did so now I have nothing to do-"

"Bullshit," Miki cut him off, clearly not amused. "That was last month, you bastard."

Nakamura lightly scoffed at that.

"I uhh..." Maehara trailed off, his gaze darting everywhere until they landed into Miki's hair. "Your hair!" He cracked a tight grin, obviously trying to change the topic. "It looks cute today!"

"I know," Miki answered dryly. Her hair is currently tied into loose twin dutch braids. "I see myself in the mirror everyday."

"Nevermind that, there's something I wanted to ask you," Nakamura butted in, "who's that guy? He looks familiar." She gestured towards the person standing next to Miki, who had worn his bucket hat down to his face, making it almost impossible to make out his appearance.

The said person let out a deep, seemingly annoyed, sigh at the question. "You can't even recognize me and yet you decided to follow us for almost thirty minutes straight?" He breathed out.

Nakamura immediately recognized that voice. "Chiba-kun?!" She exclaimed.

"Wait, Chiba?" Maehara took a step closer towards the guy to get a closer look at him.

Chiba clicked his tongue in irritation, pulling down his bucket even further while turning his head away. "Yeah, it's me."

Maehara stood almost awkwardly by the aisle as he watched the other three go over some make up products and try them out.

...or rather it was Miki trying out the products onto Chiba while Nakamura was going through the shelves.

After their mini confrontation by the street, Miki soon had told them that she was out with Chiba to shop for make up products to use for his future stages.

"The red palette was getting kinda boring lately so I thought of experimenting with colours on him and see what fits him the best," she explained to them earlier.

Maehara admitted that, aside from what he saw or heard from his older sisters, he doesn't know that much about make up since he was more of a skincare kind of guy.

Almost 30 minutes have passed ever since Miki and Chiba settled themselves at the testing corner of the aisle, and Maehara felt like he should entertain himself with the skincare section of the store instead of awkwardly waiting for them to finish.

As he was about to excuse himself, he saw Nakamura suddenly approaching him.

"Hey, so I just saw this tint right here," Nakamura held up a product in warm pink colour in a shape of some plastic tube Maehara can't make out of, "and I thought it would look good with your skin tone."

Maehara blinked in confusion. "But I don't really wear make up though-"

"Relax~ The colour's not that pigmented and it won't even feel like you have something on your lips at all!" Nakamura breezily reassured while opening the tube's lid.

Maehara quickly stiffened when Nakamura suddenly grabbed his chin. "Now stay still," she ordered.

"Hey this is kinda..."

"Don't get any weird thoughts here, Maehara-kun~" Nakamura quickly cut him off without missing a beat.

Meanwhile, Miki slowly leaned backwards to examine her work so far. "Oooh the warm purple is kinda sexy with the faint gold!"

"Oh! That does look nice on him, miss!" A nearby clerk praised when she took a closer look.

"Right?!" Miki grinned before turning back to Chiba. "You holding up there?"

"This is nothing," he shrugged. "Though I have to be honest, I'm slowly starting to get embarrassed with all these people around..." 

Miki smiled reassuringly at him in response, gently brushing away loose strands of hair from his face. "Well, at least people here hardly recognize you. So perhaps that helps a little, right?"

"Yeah, it does..." Chiba softly replied, his gaze following Miki's fingers as she went through the lip products she has scavenged so far. "What happened last week at class was borderline torture."

Miki stiffened at his remark, clearly remembering the exhaustingly chaotic events that had occurred in less than an hour that day. "Aha..."

Chiba just rolled his eyes at her lack of response. "Say, can you hand me a smaller mirror? I want to take a closer look on what you've worked on so far while you keep looking for uhh... whatever you're looking for, I guess."

"Here," Miki handed him her own compact mirror, before returning her focus to finding the right colour for him. "Ohh this is nice!" She barely heard him say.

"Umm miss?" Miki approached the clerk who had praised her earlier. "If you don't mind, I was wondering if you could help me with selecting the right lip colour that would go well with his eyeshadow?" 

She then laughed sheepishly afterwards. "I'm not too well-versed with things like colour theory, you see..."

"No worries, I would love to help!" The clerk smiled brightly at her in return. "Just let me take a closer look again so I can help you find the right fit!"

"Oh that kinda looks sexy, don't you think?" Maehara commented as he and Nakamura watched Miki do her work.

"That's what I thought..." Miki almost whispered, carefully applying the chosen colour onto Chiba's lips.

"Must be nice," Nakamura suddenly blurted out after quietly watching for a while. 

"Which is...?"

"Working on those kinds of lips," she answered.

Miki hummed in agreement, now blending out the pigment with a small brush. "I find it easier to apply technique if your workspace is wide enough."

"No wonder I struggled with this guy..." Nakamura let out a disappointed sigh, barely gesturing towards Maehara. "There's barely any space to work on with how small his lips actually are."

Miki nearly choked at the revelation. "Wait, they are?" Failing to suppress an amused grin, she turned to look at a now annoyed Maehara to see it for herself.

"Oh, the colour's nice. Good choice," she first complemented, taking note of how well the faint coral tint goes with Maehara's warm skin tone and brown hair. "You did a great job applying it, Rio. It doesn't even look like he's wearing anything on his lips."

"Ahee~" Nakamura grinned widely at the. compliment.

Miki cracked a smile. "But yeah, somehow it made it obvious how small his lips actually are," chuckling, she turned back to Chiba and continued her work. "Even I just noticed it."

"I don't know how I am supposed to feel right now..."

Nakamura nudged Maehara with a cheeky grin. "Hey, at least she basically said the colour looks good on you~"

"I would honestly be more convinced if she wasn't still mad at me..." Maehara sighed in disappointment.

"If only you never lied to me~" Miki hummed, not even once looking at him.

Maehara groaned in response. "C'mon Miki, that was way back in April. Can't you just drop it?"

"I think we're done here!" Miki suddenly announced, standing up straight after minutes of leaning. 

Maehara sighed again, not surprised that she was purposely ignoring him. He's more than aware that last month's discourse with Kaho truly had him lose Miki's trust. He just didn't think that she was the type to hold grudges for this long.

"I don't know about you, but I think it'd better if you just stop bringing it up to her every other day?" Nakamura said in a low voice, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Like no offense, Maehara-kun, but if I we're in Miki's position right now I'd be annoyed too."

"Rio, can you help me put back the testing palettes to their shelves?" Miki called out now from the other end of the aisle.

Sending Maehara one last look, Nakamura walked towards the taller blonde. "Sure~"

Maehara was then once again back to awkwardly standing by the shelves. However, it didn't take too long for them to return the testing products to their respective shelves.

"Say, Ryuu. You want me to remove all that now or are you planning to just leave it on?" Miki called out despite her hands currently full.

Chiba was examining Miki's work through the long mirror on top of the shelves. "Hmm I think I'll just leave it on and take it off myself once I get home," he answered, running his hands through his hair. "The shadow work is not heavy enough to look weird to wear in public.... thankfully."

"Yeah it doesn't look like you're wearing much," Nakamura commented, walking away from the counter near the aisle and towards him. 

Most of the heavy shadow work Miki had done were on Chiba's lower lids and on the outer corner of his eyes. Hence why, unlike earlier when he had them half-closed, which made them look more obvious, they were barely noticeable now that he was looking ahead.

"Kinda looks like you're just wearing eyeliner with some colour here and there," Nakamura added with a slight grin. "You look good though, by the way."

"Thanks," Chiba replied almost shyly, though his following smile was making it more prominent. "My stage makeup is much heavier than this, especially the shadow work. Miki tends to go all out around my lower lashes especially..." He explained to them briefly, though more to Maehara since the guy looked kind of lost for a moment.

Maehara nodded in understanding. "Ahh that explains why it doesn't feel the same as last week's..."

Chiba hummed in reply, proceeding to mess with his hair again. "It's getting hotter outside but I can't leave my hair loose like this. I don't have anything to have it up," he briefly gathered his hair again, as if he was planning to tie it into a ponytail, but soon let go of it. 

"...can't even wear it down with all the makeup now," he sighed, brushing it again with his fingers.

"Just tolerate the heat and make do with the bucket hat," Nakamura suggested, handing Chiba his white bucket hat which now that he thought about it, he had no idea how she even got a hold of it in the first place.

Maehara watched as Chiba brushed all of his hair backwards before putting on the hat. "Hey, don't pull it too down."

"Nah I'll look weird otherwise."

Maehara raised an eyebrow at his response. "What are you talking about? I'm pretty good-looking myself-"

Nakamura let out a gagging noise.

"but even I can- Will you stop that?!" Maehara hissed at Nakamura, who only stuck her tongue out to him in response.

Taking off the bucket hat, Chiba approached the counter where Miki was still waiting in line. "Miki, do you have anything with you?" He asked rather tiredly. "Hair tie, clip, a beanie, or just anything I can use?"

"Let me check," Miki quickly went through her tote bag. "Ah I have my beanie, though it's those bigger types..." She brought out a red beanie and handed it to him.

Chiba happily took it from her hands. "Oh I have one like this in blue, thanks!" 

He went back to where Maehara and Nakamura stood and immediately wore the beanie. Tucking the rest of his hair behind his ears, Chiba looked at the mirror in mild satisfaction. "Hmm yep I guess that does it."

"Cute," Nakamura cheekily commented, thus ruining Chiba's composure as he broke into a shy smile.

"Be quiet," he muttered, turning his head away from the now grinning duo.

"Is it even fine for you to be seen with us on a Sunday afternoon?" Maehara suddenly brought up when they left the store.

"I think it's fine," Nakamura answered before Chiba even opened his mouth. "We took pictures last week and I posted some of mine on twitter too. So, it shouldn't be surprising to people that 'Lead Guitarist-kun' is hanging out with people his age on a weekend."

Miki hummed in agreement. "He's just a rather popular member of a local band in this town," she then scoffed, "not a damn celebrity for him to be not seen in public."

"That's true but I'm talking about us being class E students," Maehara turned to Chiba. "Since the reason why you even hid this whole band thing from us was so that people won't find out that you're a class E student technically participating in club activities," he elaborated.

Chiba nodded in confirmation. "You're right. But as they said, it's fine."

They all came to a stop before the pedestrian lane, waiting for the stoplight to turn green.

"We're not wearing our uniforms, so it'll be hard for people to even recognize you guys as students from class E.... let alone wonder why I'm hanging out with you," he reassured with a small smile.

"Exactly," Miki agreed before wincing when the sunlight suddenly came back. "Anyways, you guys got any place y'all want to go to? I don't like the sun..."

Maehara scoffed at her last remark. "Are you a vampire or something? Anyways, I want to go-"

"If you say Marui, I will deck you."

"Come on now. I didn't even say anything!"

"That place is on the other side of the town, you dumbass, and I'm about to die here."

"A little sunlight won't kill you!"

Nakamura just watched the two continuously bicker and turned to Chiba with a grin. "There's a cafe nearby just across the lane. Wanna go there and get some of their iced offers?"

"That works," he replied with a fairly amused smile.

[prettypinklass]

I might start posting oneshots on here, like this one. Maybe.

The Queen's Songstress, the Songstress's Queen

Author: Pink

Word Count: 2513

Warnings/Notes: Fluff, Petra Works too Hard, orphans, Dagda OC, implied/mentioned racism, implied homophobia

Prompt: Paired Endings (Intertwined Destinies event from the Fire Emblem Amino)

~♡~

When she had first returned to Brigid, she had acted as a translator for her friend, who despite pleading to join her, knew nothing of the language. 

Now, years later, Dorothea could speak the common language of Brigid as easily as she could Fodlan's. 

"It's because you're such a good teacher, Petra," she teased, after Petra had praised her skills. 

Despite her grandfather's approval, the people of Brigid had been skeptical of their marriage at first. Dorothea's Fodlanese heritage didn't help. Nonetheless, they didn't argue. Their new queen was happy, and that was what mattered.

Now, years later, the people praised them as one of the best pairs of rulers they had. 

Queen Petra worked tirelessly to improve their relationship with Fodlan after declaring independence. Her wife, the Lady Dorothea, used her connections with the Opera to help. It was hard work, but they succeeded eventually. 

Now, Petra lived her life working tirelessly to help her citizens. Everyday she could be found holding public hearings to address their problems, or in her room, signing paperwork, and on some occasions in a meeting, dealing with the other nobles. It was tiring work, but she would endure it for her kingdom.

Dorothea had built an Opera house in the capital city of Brigid, after extensively studying the nature of Brigid's fine arts and music. She ran the place on her own, wrote their plays, and held weekly singing practices that were open to all, where people could gather and and sing together. Her troupe became famous throughout not only Brigid, but Fodlan as well, eventually even receiving audiences from Dagda and Almyra. 

Today in particular had been a hard day. 

The queen had visitors not only from Fodlan, but from Almyra and Dagda as well. The meeting had been… tiring, to say the least. Seeing an old classmate again after so long on strictly professional terms had been… difficult, the man from Almyra was beefy, and loud, which was a stark contrast to the noble from Dadga, who was posh and professional.

Petra had collapsed into her desk chair after the meeting.

Dorothea had been laying on their bed, humming. Her day had been rough as well, having to deal not only with racist participants in the day's open singing practice, but also guide visitors from the foreign countries in the song. Though she had seen one familiar face, it had still been… difficult.

She jumped up when Petra entered though, before her face fell. The queen had sat down at her desk, and immediately reached for her paperwork. 

"Petra…" the singer stood up with a small sigh, walking over, "Come on, you need to get some rest." 

"I don't have time for rest," Petra replied, "I must get this work done…" 

"Love, you're exhausted…" Dorothea sighed, resting her hands on the queens shoulders and  beginning to rub slowly, "Why don't you take a break? Let me sing for you." 

She hesitated, "Are… you sure? I must get this paperwork done…" 

"You can do it later," the songstress insisted, "Take a break, love. You need one."

Petra frowned at her, shifting to face her wife. Dorothea smiled reassuringly at her, and smiled wider when the queen began to relax, "I have a day off tomorrow…"

"You can finish the paperwork first thing tomorrow, and then we can go out together."

It was quiet for a moment.

Petra sighed, and stood up as she gave in, "Okay… Will you sing for me, Thea?" 

"Of course," Dorothea smiled even brighter in response, and pulled her wife over to the bed. The two laid next to each other, as she hummed softly. 

"What song would you like me to sing?" 

"No preference." 

"Hmm… okay," Dorothea sat up, and began humming. The humming went on for a few moments, changing pitch and tune to match a song, and then…

"Reach for my hand," she began to sing softly, "I'll soar away. Into the dawn, oh, I wish I could stay." 

Petra rolled over and smiled at her. 

"In cherished halls, in peaceful days, I fear the edge of dawn… knowing time betrays." 

Her voice was soft, soothing, and before long… the queen had fallen asleep. 

And when she had finished the song, as she was never one to leave something half done, Dorothea fell asleep too.

~♡~

As promised, Petra finished her paperwork early, and Dorothea had dragged her off to see the town shortly afterward. 

People waved as they passed by, and the pair waved back happily. Brigid's capital really was a lively and friendly place.

Just after noon had come, Dorothea brought her wife to the opera house. There was a public singing session today, and even half an hour before it started, people were beginning to gather. 

A certain indigo haired woman was there already, looking around. Dorothea smiled. 

"Shamir!" 

Shamir looked up, and grinned, "Well well. We meet again, kid. Your Majesty," she bowed to Petra, "To what do I owe this pleasure?" 

Petra fumbled for words. She still wasn't the best at Fodlanese…

"This day- er, Today, is my free day. I am not having work to do." 

"Lucky you," Shamir replied, "It's good to see you both again." 

"Am I assuming you came with the Dagda noble?" Petra asked. 

"Fodlan actually," she shrugged, "Mercenary life gets me plenty of jobs. Just so happened I was in town, and the lord was looking for a suitable guard." 

"Interesting," the queen hummed. 

"Are you here for choir?" Dorothea asked, tilting her head to the side with a happy smile. 

"I guess so. Lord Aegir wanted to come and I'm kind of obligated to follow him everywhere unless he specifically says so," Shamir shrugged, "He's talking to some of the singers, along with that guy from Almyra. Nader or something." 

"You didn't tell me Ferdie was the visiting noble!" Dorothea turned to pout at Petra. 

"It never came up," Petra admitted, laughing a little.

"Anyway, I'm going to go find something to do… singing isn't my thing." 

"You joined yesterday," Dorothea blinked at Shamir.

"I was exploring town and got caught up in it somehow," Shamir sighed, "Lord Aegir's over there if you want to talk to him." 

"Alright then… bye!" The songstress waved. Petra waved as well. 

The pair turned, and walked over to the ginger haired noble. 

"Ferdie!" 

Ferdinand turned, and broke into a huge smile, "Dorothea! The ugly maiden!" 

Everyone paused to stare at him. 

Someone in the back began snickering. 

"Uhh…" 

"Ferdie," Dorothea frowned, "Um… Do you know what 'aklos' means Brigid?" 

"Why, I was told it meant lovely!" Ferdinand replied, smiling brightly, "Impressive, right?" 

Dorothea began giggling, as Petra sighed. 

"Ah, Ferdinand… The Brigidian word for 'lovely', is 'akLAS'. Aklos is our word for ugly." 

The noble blinked. 

His face turned pink. 

"B-by the goddess! Please, accept my sincerest apologies!" He bowed, "I have been tricked it seems…" 

"Don't worry about it," Dorothea laughed, "Are you here for choir?" 

"Why yes! I heard from Manuela that you run your own opera house here! She misses you by the way, and is hoping to one day collaborate with your opera." 

"Oh, I would love to! I'll have to send a letter to her!" Dorothea exclaimed happily, "Thank you Ferdie!" 

"But of course! It is my duty to assist!" 

One of the actresses, a young woman, called over, "Miss Dorothea! We're ready to begin!" 

"Oh! That's my cue," Dorothea smiled, and giggled slightly, "Have fun Love," she pecked Petra on the cheek, and waved at Ferdinand, before running up to join the singers at the podium. 

Choir was always a joy for Petra to attend. Not only did she get to hear her wife's beautiful voice, but the act made her feel… closer to others, not only to her Dorothea, but to her citizens as well. The same citizens loved it when she would join them as well. 

Ferdinand sang loudly, and he sounded well enough. Nader on the other hand, sounded like a dying bird. The look Dorothea gave him at the end of the first song would've scared the pants off of even the most fiercest soldier.

He ended up being asked to sing... quietly, so that the others could be heard over him.

Even Shamir participated, though at the request of Ferdinand. She seemed to enjoy herself though, if only for one song. 

It seemed like only a few minutes later when choir ended, though it had been at least an hour. 

"You were great Petra!" The songstress quickly began gushing, "Even better than before!"

"You're making me blush Thea," Petra laughed in embarrassment, "You sounded much better than I did." 

"Even so," she giggled, "Well, what would you like to do now?" 

"Why don't we visit the orphanage?" 

"Sounds like a wonderful idea," Dorothea replied, "Let's head there now, and then we can be home in time for dinner." 

"Right," the queen nodded, and after saying goodbye to Ferdinand and Shamir, they began walking to the orphanage.

~♡~

The orphanage was as lively as ever.

Though the place was small, and the only residents were a few children and their caretaker, it was always lively. The children were often running around and playing together, making noise and sometimes causing chaos. The 4 of them were quite the handful for their caretaker, but they managed. 

A jingle sounded as they entered. 

"Just a moment!" Came a call from the back. A few seconds later, the caretaker appeared, carrying a box. 

"Oh!" She gasped, "Your Majesty, Lady Dorothea! What a pleasant surprise!" 

"Hello Chey," Petra smiled, "We came to visit." 

"The children were just wondering when they would be able to see you again," Chey laughed, smiling, "Children! You have a visitor!" 

Light footsteps were heard immediately. The quick pitter patter of small feet echoed in the building, as a group came tumbling out of the bedrooms.

First came Fiona, a 7 year old. She was quickly followed by the 8 year old, Darrell, who stumbled and tripped onto her. Fiona squealed.

Lily came next, the oldest at age 11, "Hey! Be careful, I'm holding Harry!" 

Harry let out a "Bubba!" and burst into giggles. He was the youngest of the four, being just barely a year in age. Fiona and Darrell fumed at each other.

"Now now,' Chey frowned, walking over to them, "Don't get into a fight. Look who came to visit!" 

"Kween Petwa! Dorufea!' Harry babbled excitedly, "Petwa and Dorufea! Yay!" 

"Q-Queen Petra! Lady Dorothea!" Lily gasped, and did a quick bow still holding the toddler, "It's a pleasure to see you again!" 

"Petra! Dorothea! Hi!' Fiona brightened up quickly and waved. 

"Idiot, it's QUEEN Petra and LADY Dorothea! Don't forget your manners!" Darrell hissed at her. 

"What do titles matter?" She crossed her arms with a huff.

"A lot!" 

"How?" 

"Because-" 

"That's enough," Chey sighed, "No fighting. Apologize to Her Majesty and Lady Dorothea." 

The pair glared at each other. She nudged them.

Darrell was first. 

"I'm sorry Queen Petra, Lady Dorothea…" 

"Sorry…" Fiona mumbled quickly just after him. 

Harry babbled something that nobody understood. Dorothea laughed, and took him from Lily. He squealed happily, and pulled her hair. She winced, but laughed. 

"Your apology is accepted, little ones," Petra knelt down to smile at Fiona and Darrell, "It is a pleasure to see you again." 

The two smiled brightly at her in response. 

"What do you say?" Chey prompted. 

"Thank you Queen Petra!" The two chorused, before running off into the back playfully shoving each other. 

"Ah…" the caretaker watched them run off, "I'll have to scold them later… I'm sorry." 

"Don't worry about it," Dorothea laughed, "You seem to be handling them well." 

"Ah, well… I'm not quite sure how I ended up with four of them. I picked up Lily off the streets and since then… Well I haven't been able to say no to them like that," the caretaker laughed softly, "Will you be staying for a visit your Majesty? Lady Dorothea?" 

"Please?" Lily added with a smile. 

Harry babbled and giggled happily. 

"I'm sure we can stay for a little bit," Petra nodded. 

"Of course," Dorothea smiled brightly, "It would be a pleasure." 

Lily cheered, and Harry babbled. The royal pair followed her into the backroom with a laugh. 

~♡~

The meeting room was silent. 

Dorothea suppressed a sigh. Shamir glanced at her from across the room.

"...and that is why I believe we should cut off trade entirely. I don't mean to be accusing, but recent affairs have proven my suspicions." 

The noble from Dagda would not shut up. He kept going on and on about how Fodlan's recent battles proved them unstable, and their rocky relationship with surrounding areas didn't help. 

"Lord Hanth, please," Ferdinand sighed, "I can assure you with 100% positivity that Fodlan is unified in all ways. I ask that you please refrain from this incessant blabbering about us being unstable, when it is not backed up by factual evidence." 

Hanth scowled, "Of course you would say that, Lord Aegir. You're FROM Fodlan-"

Petra sighed, "Lord Hanth, with all due respect, I can fully support Lord Aegir's claims as witness. Dorothea and I were present for the unification of Fodlan." 

"That is not the only issue!" Hanth snapped, "Her, for example!" He pointed at Shamir, "Why is a citizen of Dagda-"

"I'm from Dagda, yeah," Shamir crossed her arms, "I came to Fodlan as a mercenary. Lord Aegir hired me." 

Ferdinand raised an eyebrow at the Dadga lord.

"We were invaded once-" 

"You started that fight," Dorothea pointed out.

He scowled, "I refuse to do trade until both Fodlan and Brigid have proven their stability. With that, I believe this meeting is over." 

He turned and stomped out. 

"...Geez," Nader sighed, "What a guy." 

Dorothea jumped. She had forgotten about the Almyran general. 

"General Nader, thoughts?" Petra looked over. 

"I got no problem with trade, long as Fodlan doesn't interfere with our merchants," the general shrugged, "Might have to double check with the king on that though." 

"I see. In that case, do what you must," she nodded. 

"...Shamir, are all the nobles from Dagda like that?" Ferdinand asked. 

"Dunno," Shamir shrugged, "I haven't been there in years." 

"Well," Dorothea sighed, "I suppose not trading with Dagda isn't too much of a loss…" 

"I am sure we can manage," Petra nodded, "Ferdinand? Are you confirming a trade with Brigid?" 

"But of course!" Ferdinand smiled, "And I hope we can establish trade with Almyra as well!" 

"Hah! Sounds good!" Nader laughed. 

"Shall we shake on it then?" The nobleman asked. 

"Yes," Petra nodded, and held out her hand. She shook with Ferdinand, then Nader, and then the two shook hands with each other.

It was agreed. 

Ruling a country that once was a vassal to another wasn't easy. Especially not when there were relationships she had to repair with other kingdoms, but maybe… just maybe, she could do it. 

As long as she had Dorothea, the person whom she is said to have loved the most, standing at her side.

~♡~

[browneyedmissy]

JV: Childhood Part II

Summary: Her brother was off at college. She had to take care of her siblings. When her schoolwork struggles as a result, she made a friend who only made things more complicated.

Part one here

Author's Note: I actually had this written up already and was supposed to be part of the first half but I somehow wrote too much and Tumblr wouldn't let me post it all at once.

High school took a sharp turn for her.

Without Avi, Jackie was taking care of her siblings more while her parents were at work. She would walk directly from her school when the bell rang to her siblings' schools and then make them a snack when they got home. She was able to start her homework a bit before dinner and she would work some more afterwards to keep up.

There were days where she found herself deeply envious of her classmates. Most of them were involved in clubs after school and sometimes she longed for the normalcy. But that feeling was squelched when she got to school and saw her siblings run up to her with bright eyes and full of love.

She found a deep level of interest in biology and was able to keep up until her junior year when the workload she had in addition to her responsibilities at home began to take a toll on her.

When her parents came home and she wanted to mention something to them about taking less responsibility, she stopped when she saw the weariness in their eyes. She had watched what it was like for them as Indian immigrants who spoke perfect English but with a heavy accent to live in the United States. Sometimes while they were out, the people they interacted would not understand them and she would see her mother hesitate just a fraction of a second and before her mother could turn to her, Jackie would step up.

They had tried for years to open up the store they had back up but after all of the costs, even their combined salary had made it hard to save for what they needed to start it up again.

"We're lucky we have you, beta." Her mother had said with a murmur, smoothing the top of her head.

She would nod and feel the burning of guilt she had of being a normal high school student.

Her grades started slipping and when she saw the C on her math examination, she felt her cheeks burn especially when she noticed that her classmates on either side of her had gotten a B+ and an A-. She suddenly felt like she was an imposter, masquerading as a smart person and that someone was going to come in and kick her out of class at any moment.

"How did you learn how to do those word problems?" Jackie asked the classmate on the left. What was her name again?

"My mom has been helping me. I didn't get them at first and I know most of our classmates have tutors. I can help you after school, if you'd like." She said with a smile.

"I have to take care of my siblings." Jackie said with a grimace.

"Dev and Anika, right? My mom's one of the teachers in the elementary school and Dev was one of her students last year."

She blinked at the girl. How did she know that when this was the first time Jackie had talked to her? "Uhh yeah, I…"

"You don't know my name, do you?" The girl quirked an eyebrow at her. "We've been in classes together since freshman year."

Jackie had the decency to feel embarrassed as she shook her head.

"Alexa Chan." She laughed good naturedly and stuck out her hand. Jackie shook it.

"Jackie Varma."

Alexa gave her a grin. "I know. How about I come home with you and we can work on the homework together?"

-

Her siblings adored Alexa.

The first thing she did when she met them at the school was bend at the knees a little so that she could look them straight in the eye when she shook their hand. Dev's eyes had widened a little and he puffed up his chest as if he was full grown. When Ani asked if she was coming over, Alexa had nodded, telling her that she needed to tell her mom first.

Their eyes had been wide as saucers when they figured out who her mom was.

They had gone to school the next day to tell everyone who would listen that Mrs. Chan's daughter was friends with their sister and she was over at their house.

Her parents liked her as well. She was extended a dinner invitation often and her parents were happy she had found a friend who was smart and capable.

Alexa started coming over twice a week when she didn't have swim practice to help Jackie with math. In return, Jackie helped her memorize her science flashcards.

Alexa wanted to be an engineer, Jackie learned. She was good at math because her mother had taught her how to understand it since she was a kid and she liked looking for patterns. She was an only child so she liked being around her mother's students and around her siblings.

And she was so pretty. Jackie couldn't help but notice her soft her hair looked and how kind and genuine her smile was. Sometimes at night, she had dreams where they were walking down the street, holding hands and no one did a double take when she leaned over and pressed a kiss on Alexa's lips.

She shook her head. Alexa was the only friend she had made in years and she couldn't jeopardize it over a crush.

It wasn't as if she hadn't had crushes before. But she kept her feelings close to her chest, especially when she realized that she might like girls as well. Or prefer girls. The sexuality thing freaked her out because the last thing she needed was for people to stare at her for being Indian and gay.

"Hey, do you want to come watch me swim on Friday? I'm going to be swimming with the varsity team." Alexa said excitedly.

"Yeah, Avi just came home so I can ask him to watch my siblings."

"Ooh yay!" Alexa gave Jackie a hug and pulled back with a horrified expression. "Sorry, I don't think I've ever hugged you before."

Jackie felt her cheeks burning. "We're good."

-

"Avi, I need you to watch Dev and Anika after school on Friday." Jackie said as she got home that day, her two siblings in tow. "My friend is competing in a swim meet."

Avi raised an eyebrow as he looked at her. "You have a friend, behan?"

"Haha." She rolled her eyes. Her brother stared at her before his face broke into a grin.

"You look happy, Jaks." He observed. "Is this friend actually a friend or do you have a paramour, little sister?"

"My friend's name is Alexa." She said, avoiding the subject.

He didn't skip a beat. "She can be your paramour too."

Jackie blinked as she looked at her brother whose face had become very serious.

"I-" She glanced at their siblings who were out of earshot coloring at the table. "I might like her Avi. But she's also the first friend I've made in a long time."

"If you're willing to let her in, then it might be worth exploring."

-

Jackie took a seat in the bleachers, a book perched on her lap and sunglasses on. She could see the girls warming up on the other side of the pool and Alexa grinned and waved when she saw her. She said something to her teammates and walked over her direction and Jackie felt her heart pounding.

"You came! I'm so excited, Coach says I might have a chance at winning first for the butterfly heat." Alexa said brightly. "I'm up against one of the best swimmers, but I've been training hard."

"Good luck." Jackie offered a smile. Alexa offered one in return before heading back to her team.

The swim meet began and Jackie watched as people swam back and forth in the pool. Her eyes were trained to follow Alexa when she swam, the graceful arch of her legs as she jumped off the block and the way her arms moved through the water effortlessly.

Finally, it was time for the event that Alexa was most excited about. As she stepped up to the block, Jackie felt her heart pounding.

"You got this Alexa!" She shouted. Alexa looked up in surprise and smiled back before getting refocused on the pool.

Her opponent pulled ahead of her the first two laps but Jackie noticed she wasn't keeping up the quick pace. Alexa on the other hand had paced herself and was closing ranks. The last lap they were swimming in tandem and as they reached the wall, Alexa pulled slightly ahead and-

"The winner of the heat is Alexa Chan, by 0.02 seconds!"

"Yes!" Jackie shouted in triumph. She ignored the glances she got from the people around her as she ran over to Alexa who threw her arms out for a hug, her eyes bright.

And as Alexa threw her arms around her, without thinking, Jackie pressed her lips against hers. They were soft and she smelled a little like chlorine as she moved her hands to tangle into Alexa's hair-

Jackie didn't notice the stares until she pulled away from Alexa who had a surprised but pleased look on her face. She pulled back and glanced around as people turned and whispered and suddenly, she felt like she was back in 5th grade, introducing herself to her classmates as Jackie Varma.

"Jackie-"

Without giving her a chance to say anything else Jackie turned and fled.

-

She threw herself into her bedroom, rushing past Avi as she reached home. She ignored him calling her name and she threw herself into her bed facedown.

There was a knock on the door.

"Go away."

"Jaks, your friend Alexa called my phone and wants to speak to you."

"I'm not here."

There was a moment of hesitation before Avi said something Jackie couldn't quite make out.

"Okay, I told her you would call later. Can I come in now?"

"Fine." She said muffled into her pillows.

Her brother opened the door.

"What happened?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Nothing you would understand."

"Behan, I think I of all people would understand."

"No, you won't! You don't live at home anymore, Ani! You don't know what I'm going through and it's easy when you don't have to be around people who know and judge you anymore!"

A terse silence passed. "Do you hate me for leaving? I had to. You'll understand one day. I don't know what you're going through with your friend Alexa, but-"

"I don't want to talk about it! I'm already stared at because we're Indian and I kept my head down through that. I want people to stop staring at me and why can't I just be normal?"

Her voice broke on a sob. Avi sighed and walked over to put a hand on her head.

"Jackie…"

"Don't touch me!" Jackie jumped back and glared at her brother. "Just leave! You're going back to school soon anyways, just- go."

-

She kept her head down for the next few days. Avi had gone back to school and things were sort of back to normal. Alexa had tried to talk to her during class, find her at lunch and after school but Jackie had just stayed silent, staring at the board until Alexa had given up.

Jackie sighed. She missed her best friend but already there were rumors going around the school. They were nosy and Jackie wanted them out of her face.

"You've been avoiding me." Jackie had opened the door to see Alexa standing in front later that day. "Can we talk?"

"Shouldn't you be at swim practice?"

"So you can try to avoid me again? I knew you were keeping track of my schedule. I skipped it. I figured this was kinda important."

"Alexa!" Dev said excitedly when he heard her voice. He moved past Jackie to grab her hand and pull her into the kitchen. "I made a drawing of you and sissy."

Her mouth twitched as she saw the colored drawing. She held it up and Jackie saw two girls, holding hands. Jackie felt her chest tighten.

"Why are they holding hands, Dev?" Jackie choked out.

"They're best friends and they love each other." He said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"I-"

"Dev, can you take Ani to the backyard for a bit so your sister and I can talk?" Alexa said softly. "Thank you for the drawing."

He nodded and took Ani outside. When the door closed, she turned back to Jackie.

"Alexa, when I kissed you…" Jackie stammered.

"I wasn't expecting it." Alexa interrupted with a smile. "But I didn't not like it. But you just ran off before I could say anything."

Jackie stared at the girl in front of her.

"I do like you." Alexa said with a shrug. "I don't know what my sexuality is. Still figuring that out. But I do know that you're smart and pretty and my best friend. And I liked kissing you."

"People saw me kiss you." Jackie's face paled.

"Let them talk."

"How are you so casual about this?" Jackie said weakly. "People are going to stare at us. It'll be just like when I was in 5th grade-"

"Jackie. People are going to talk and stare no matter what. We're different from them. Not just because of that kiss but because we're not white."

Jackie felt nausea coming back up. "I can't have people stare. I won't have it. I can't be seen with you."

Her friend blinked and gave her a sad look.

"Okay. I'm not going to fight you on this, Jackie. I know you better than to try that. I'll keep my distance. But… let me know if you need anything."

As Alexa closed the door, Jackie could feel her heart shattering.

-

Her grades dipped again afterwards. Alexa had been a huge help with her siblings and it was hard to concentrate, especially in math when she still sat next to her.

She started feeling angry. She was angry that she was in charge of her siblings in the first place which led her to meeting Alexa.

She was angry at herself for being a coward and not being able to take people staring at her.

"Jackie, I want to talk to you." Her science teacher stopped her one day after class. Jackie dropped her bag on the ground with a huff. "Is everything okay? Your grades are dropping in my class."

"Yup. Fine. Can I go now?"

"Jackie."

"I don't know what you want me to say Ms. Torres. I have to take care of my siblings after school because the program only lasts until 3:30 for them. My parents can't afford to put them anywhere so I have to help out. So why should I give a damn?” Jackie said angrily. “I can't do anything about it, my siblings need me. And people stare at me because I'm different but I can't do anything about it!"

“You’ve been dealt a crappy hand.” Her teacher said with a critical eye before gesturing at a desk in front of her. Jackie gave a huff before sitting down at the desk and crossing her arms. “It sucks that what you want and what your parents want for you is not the same because that puts you at a disadvantage especially against all of your classmates whose parents can do things like afford tutors and know how to get their classmates into college.”

“It’s not fair.”

The words left her mouth before she could swallow them down to join resentment buried deep down in her heart.

“I know.”

Jackie uncrossed her arms, feeling herself deflate. All the anger that she felt mixed with the exhaustion and sadness that she had felt ever since she had realized how much the world hated her when she was nine and she was left just feeling tired.

“Neither of my parents went to college and they both worked full time jobs. And I was expected to take care of my siblings on top of going to school especially as I got older. I did well enough until I got to junior high and all of my classmates started doing things like going to camp and getting tutors to help them get ahead. All of a sudden, I was the Latina girl who was struggling to compete because they had all these advantages.”

"Exactly. If it's not fair, why should I try?"

Ms. Torres observed her quietly for a moment. "Your brother said the same thing."

"Avi?"

"He was one of my first students. He gave me trouble most of the year and then he and I talked just like you did. He told me that you were going to go do advanced classes in junior high and he felt like he missed out on his chance because he had to take care of you and your siblings."

"I didn't know."

"Because he cared about you and Dev and Anika more than anyone. And he got himself together when he realized he wanted to make sure you did more with your life."

Jackie brought her sleeve to her face and it came back wet.

-

"Behan?"

"Hey, Avi. I miss you. And I'm sorry."

He gave a chuckle over the phone. "I wish I had recorded that so I could play it back to you whenever I needed it."

"I kissed Alexa. I might be gay. I don't know. I don't want to label it right now."

"And you don't have to. You do not have to tell anyone, unless you want to, Jaks."

"I want to go to college." Her voice trembled. "I want to be a doctor. I love science and I'm good at it."

"You go do that then." He said firmly.

"Dev and Anika-"

"Will be fine. Mom and Dad will figure it out. You need to make sure you take care of you too."

"Okay. I love you, bhai."