#we’re truly living crumb to crumb

[tender-emotional-music]

I forgot how painful Stranger Things content droughts are

[fandom]

Queer TV

This is a strange time to be writing an editorial on queer representation. While the past year has seen an incredible uptick in queer stories being told with humor and heart on the small screen, 2022 has seen a record high of 238 proposed anti-LGBTQIA+ bills in the US—nearly half of them targeting trans folks. Representation is important, though, and demand for more queer stories is growing (and, to some degree, being met), with a lot of good books and comics making it to our screens. With that in mind, think of this as your selective chronological tour of all the times we won in the TV landscape of the last year (October 2021–October 2022).

Our dataset year started off with the much-awaited adaptation of Robert Jordan’s fantasy epic, Wheel of Time. With such extensive source material (15 books if you count the prequel, which is where the seeds of the sapphic storyline in Rafe Judkins’ adaptation are to be found), the viewership, generally speaking, was divided into book fans and show-only fans, and both camps shitposted and meme’d and reviewed with abandon. 

The biggest queer-centric show we saw in the last year was the adaptation of @aliceoseman’s comic Heartstopper (@heartstoppercomic). Co-created by Alice Oseman themself, this adaptation was very sensitive to the much-loved source material. And, being native to Tumblr, these characters were bound to be welcomed with open arms when they hit the screen in an ebullient explosion of queer joy. 

A run-down of the past year would be incomplete without the incredible queerdos of the Revenge who swashbuckled their way into our hearts. We’re referring, of course, to Our Flag Means Death’s Gentleman Pirate and his merry band of (living-wage-paid, no less!) shipmates. Your favorites included genderqueer Jim ��not-a-fucking-mermaid’ Jimenez and Oluwande, Lucius Sprigg and Black Peter, Frenchie who just hates cats, and The Swede, who keeps his heart but loses his teeth. Then, of course, we have Blackbeard himself, or simply Ed, who is struggling with his identity (villain or softboi).

Based on the story by @veschwab and produced by @belletristbooks, First Kill was another adaptation that fans of vampire stories got very excited about. Add to that the fact that this was very much a sapphic enemies-to-lovers scenario between hunter Calliope and young vampire Juliette, and the pre-show excitement was palpable. The post-season disappointment even more so as fans turned to their dashes to vent about the lack of good lesbian and wlw representation in 2022’s TV landscape.

Where the cancelation of First Kill left us reeling, the Rockford Peaches from A League of Our Own came in clutch and soothed our sapphic souls. You love the show which you affectionately shortened, in good old Tumblr fashion, to a silly little acronym: aloto. Whether you’re in it for the gal pal aesthetics, the butch energy, or Uncle Bert, or some good old fashioned baller drama, there truly was something for all of your wlw whimsies here. Let’s go, Peaches!

@neilgaiman’s The Sandman series finally came out to much acclaim, and came out so gay that armchair reviewers of the homophobic sort really struggled to wrap their minds around quite how gay it is. We got pansexual serial killing Corinthian! Pansexual, demon-hunting, women-kissing Johanna Constantine! Some very loaded moments between Morpheus and Hob Gadlin! This is what dreams are made of (sort of)!

This whole list would be nothing, nada, a crumb of zilch whizzing around a black hole, if it weren’t for the writers who created many of these stories in the first place. So thank you to them. And to you, Tumblr, for celebrating the good and standing up for each other through another year. Here’s to a kinder 2023. 

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - We Are Surprised

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 2 of 12 - Oh it’s fucking great. It could all go horribly south, of course. But it’s awesome at the moment. Messy gay and one of them is already pining? Got to love it. Including the negotiation.

I’d love a good sex negotiation, it’s almost as good as linguistic negotiation. This show makes me happy. All that said, it’s moving awfully quickly for a 12 episode run. Not sure what’s gonna happen on the backend. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 eps - I’m still enjoying it but I’m ready for him to die again now. 

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 5-6 of 16 - Toey is going after the Namgoong Award for Best Wingman this year, I see. And in exchange, literally all the rest of the friends are going to be his wingmen. It’s adorable. I also like that Phuwin got to be the aggressor for the first kiss. I like that this is mostly just boys flirting, and not really any prescribed seme/uke stuff. In general, I think these last two episodes I improved the show in my regard a lot. But then middles are always GMMTV's strong point, it’s whether they can stick the landing that’s an issue.

Two Worlds (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - Apparently we have the Frodo walking into Mordor episode. Also the sides were cute. In Thailand (like Taiwan) all gangsters are gay, apparently. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 5 of 12 - It’s cute but very cringe and dorky. Silly singing. Terrible pickup lines. Still, that was a ridiculously charming confession.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 12fin - Oh so good. Very few shows that feature one-sided long-term pining of this kind can resolve the unevenness of that power dynamic into a more stable and equal footing with such class. We really got to see the object of the desire turn completely around and become equally besotted. An age gap, stepbrothers trope like this one is hard enough but at this length? Very well acted boys! Unknown managed to show the older brother softening in a believable way that’s pretty unusual in narratives of this type.

All in all?

Unknown is a wonderful BL with a pitch perfect portrayal of long term pining, age gap, and the stepbrothers trope. The acting and chemistry are ON POINT (especially from the leads) which made the resulting characters very believable. When it dwells in intimate family drama, it's stunning. It's slightly less successful when it leaves the home and goes gritty. It's few flaws are the result of curtailed length. It could have used more breathing room to deal with side plots, characters, and companion character development. The editing was occasionally choppy and packed with flashbacks that broke the emotional tension. Still, those are mere quibbles. This is an excellent show that I know I'm going to be recommending a lot. 9/10

Finally Taiwan hits another one out of the park.

About.

Damn.

Time.

Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) 4 of ? - Oh it’s so good, and they are so tortured and it’s just charming and I can’t EVEN. I just love it. I love that Korea is giving us this right now. You’re an idiot if you’re not watching this show, it’s truly spectacular.

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Well well well Japan. I see how you kneed. I enjoyed this episode better than the first two, and I am way into our Bad Boy second lead. I can already feel myself succumbing  to the syndrome. Next week = the obligatory onsen ep! 

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - Omg most adorbs failed linguistic negotiation. 

Boys Be Brave AKA Roommates (Korea Thurs Viki) ep 5-6 of 8 - I love the side couple. It’s a shame we’re finally getting some truly great class conflict and it’s relegated to crumbs.

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 11-12fin - Well that was a waste of time. There was no connection (of any kind) between the leads. The language thing was hella weird and likely added to that. The past history of the Korean character was necessary to know from the start, its lack throughout, meant there was no depth to his character. They tried to tackle all the interesting stuff in the final 2 eps. AND they even killed the dog. I never thought I'd type this sentance, but Peach of Time is better.

I don’t know. 5/10 I guess

All in all:

A disappointing lackluster and barely cohesive BL about a jerk Thai actor (speaking Thai) who has to work for a Korean animal rescue cafe as a publicity stunt. It's difficult to believe the leads like each other, let alone fall in love. The acting is stiff, the characters lack motivation and cohesion, and there's not much to recommend this show beyond some pretty visuals. Also, they kill the dog. All in all, a disappointing and unsuccessful joint venture that mostly highlighted that between Thailand and Korea the style of BL, narrative approach, language cadence, and acting techniques all clash.

It's airing but...

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.

Memory in the Letter (Thai WeTV) - it's done, tell me if I should bother?

Fan's Only Corner

Someone asked in a comment (which tumblr promptly ate) about group sleepovers in BLs. It's happened a few times but the only one I can recall being noted and particularly lovely (and VERY college) was in Nitiman. There's also one in Lovesick.

Next Week Looks Like This:

5/16 Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - Strongberry doing classic uni BL! Weeee!

5/19 OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead (as it were). But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

LOVE a smile kiss. Love it. Two killer kisses from PondPhuwin. Elegantly done, boys. Thank you very much.

I love them a lot all of a sudden. (All We Are)

It's hard to give MaxTul a run on their crown as best bodies in BL, but boy these two are giving it their, erm, best. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[leclercsainzz]

hello love:)

i absolutely love your social media au stories! <33 i was wondering if you could please do a lando norris one with the song “bad idea” by olivia

BAD IDEA, RIGHT?

PAIRINGS: lando norris x ex fem!reader

TYPE: social media au

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, lilymhe and 610,720 others

yourusername: camera crumbs ✨

view 6,164 comments

user: the prettiest

user: she’s literally glowing!! 😍

user: those two shirts are a MUST

oscarpiastri: my mom says i’m cool too 🤪

↳ yourusername: 😎😎😎

isahernaez: HOT

↳ yourusername: that’s youuu 😘

↳ user: carlando exes >>>

landonorris: orange still looks good on you 😉

comment has been deleted

user: missing my favorite wag hours 😔

user: body goals 😩

user: waiting for the *liked by landonorris*

charlottesiine: the prettiest 😍

↳ yourusername: right back at you;) 😘

user: did you love making lando cry? 🤣

↳ user: i was sooo confused by your comment until i saw her shirt on the last post lmao

user: gorgg 😍

user: orange??!? for lando?!?? 👀

↳ user: they broke up, get over it!

user: your smile is the prettiest smile ever, i swear 😍😍😍

user: so pretty wtf 😩

user: missing you in the paddock, queen 😭😭

user: idc what anyone says she’s ✨GLOWING✨

↳ user: she’s always been gorgeous but the post break up is hitting different lately!!!

user: missing my fav girl 😩😩😩

yourusername

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 602,818 others

yourusername: 🍃

view 5,047 comments

user: there it is, “liked by landonorris”

user: not lando liking this post 😭

↳ user: my man is still down bad, idcc

user: STUNNING 😍

user: my eyes have been blessed, omg 😍

user: i’m not imaging lando liking this right?!?!?

lilymhe: you’re so photogenic, i can’t

lilymhe: hOT 😮‍💨

↳ yourusername: 😘😘😘

user: soMEONE CHECK ON LaNDO!!

↳ user: ya’ll try to make a big deal out of everything, i swear! can’t exes be friends?!? smh

user: *liked by landonorris* ngl that took me out 💀

↳ user: he’s reappearing after a whole month lmaoo

↳ user: he’s desperate 😭😭😭

user: omg, you’re truly soo stunning!! 😩😩

alexandrasaintmleux: 😍😍😍😍

↳ yourusername: ❤️❤️

user: pretty girl!!

user: lando liked now we’re waiting for a comment 🤣

oscarpiastri: answer my text NOW!!

↳ user: please, this is soo funny 😭

imessage

yourusername

liked by francisca.cgomes, oscarpiastri and 617,936 others

yourusername: i know i should stop, but i can’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

view 8,947 comments

user: stop what, queen?!???

↳ yourusername: posting pics, babe

↳ user: nOOO!! I LIVE FOR yOUr POsTS

user: 😍😍

oscarpiastri: i don’t like that caption 🤔

↳ yourusername: meaning??

↳ oscarpiastri: noo comment …

user: SLAYYYYY 😍😍😍

carlossainz55: that caption is insinuating something, isn’t it?

comment has been deleted

user: her outfits are always 😍

user: did anyone else see carlos comment?!??

↳ user: wHAT COMMENT?!?? WHERE?!!?

↳ user: he deleted it 😭😭 but it said, “that caption is insinuating something, isn’t it?”

↳ user: wtf does that even mean?!!??!?

↳ user: lando, maybe?!?? idk 😭😭😭 it might not even mean anything, i’m just delusional lmao

↳ user: if it didn’t mean anything, why delete it tho?!??

user: idk about ya’ll but carlos deleting his comment seems sus??? like what does he know?!??

user: mother is slayin’ 😌

user: i wish i had her style

user: everyone’s freaking out overs carlos deleted comment but what about oscar’s comment?!?? what did he mean by “i don’t like the caption” and the “no comment” comment?!???

↳ user: i’m tELLING YA’lL, thEre’s something they know thaT WE DON’T!! 😩

user: yn and lando are definitely fucking around, i just know it! that’s the whole reason for carlos and oscar’s comment, there’s no other explanation

↳ user: ya’ll are so delusional 😭💀💀 LMAOO

user: she literally responded to a comment saying, “posting pics, babe” when asked about the caption, hello??? ya’ll just love to insinuate things

imessage

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, oscarpiastri and 784,629 others

landonorris: carlando podium!! 🏆 🏆 thanks @mclaren

view 7,520 comments

user: mY CARLANDO HEART!! ❤️🧡

oscarpiastri: 👏🏼

mclaren: YESSSSSSSSSIRRRRRRRRRRR

user: THE LAST POST?!! I REPEAT, THE LAST POST?!!? WHO IS THAT?!!? IS IT YN?!!?!

user: don’t let carlando distract you from that last post

carlossainz55: ❤️

user: smoooooooth operatorrrrrr

maxfewtrell: 🤩🤩🤩

user: is that yn?!?? someone please confirm 😭😭😭

↳ user: i don’t think so, they don’t even follow each other

user: you’re telling me my man is seeing someone?!? and it might not be yn?!!?

user: it’s literally carlos in a wig, ya’ll

↳ user: i thought it might’ve been oscar tbh

user: patiently waiting for the *liked by yourusername*

↳ user: im waiting for her to comment

user: CARLANDO?!! AND YNLANDO?!!? SIGN ME TF UP

↳ user: it’s not even yn

user: p1 & p2 baby!!! ❤️🧡❤️🧡❤️🧡 #carlando

user: that ain’t yn, ya’ll! we gotta accept that they broke up and move on, as much as it hurts 😭

↳ user: nah, that’s definitely yn!

user: i don’t think it’s yn tbh

↳ user: then who could it be?!?

team_quadrant: 🍾 SMOOTH

user: lANDO WE NEED ANSWERS!!! WHO IS THAT?!??

imessage

yourusername

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 620,184 others

yourusername: bad idea, right? ohh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

tagged: @landonorris

view 7,520 comments

user: nahhh 💀 this has to be a joke or sum

user: yn, babe, this is definitely a bad idea 😭

user: OMG OMG!! PARENTS ARE BACK TOGETHER!!! 🤩

user: scReaming, wtfnalalslfsma

user: not lando reclaiming my wife 🙄

oscarpiastri: “we won’t catch feelings”

↳ yourusername: oops? hehehe 🫢

user: i kNEW IT!! i CALLEd IT

user: THE WOrLD HAS HEALED!!

maxfewtrell: 😏

landonorris: hey, you 😍😍😍

landonorris: see you tonight? 😘

↳ yourusername: you got it;)

user: nahhh 😭😭😭😭 yn you’re better than this

↳ yourusername: sorry, bestie 🤷🏻‍♀️ i couldn’t help it

carlossainz55: dios mío

translation: my god

alex_albon: oh my god, no way 😳😳 who would have thought???!??

↳ yourusername: we get it, you know things 🙄

georgerussell63: guess i owe you @maxverstappen1

↳ maxverstappen1: pay up, mate

user: this was so NOT on my 2023 bingo card, wth

user: does that mean my fav wag is back?!?? 🤩🤩

francisca.cgomes: oohhh?? 😏

user: you’re so 😍😍😍😍 and then there’s him 😬😬

user: not my wife getting back with him 😑

user: count your days, l*and*

↳ user: please 😭😭

user: this makes me so happy, idc

landonorris

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 776,859 others

landonorris: good idea, right? (swipe for a surprise) 😌

tagged: @yourusername

view 7,946 comments

user: thE CAPTION, HELLO?!??!?

user: they’re back together, that’s all that matters 😭😭

yourusername: hey, you copied my caption …

yourusername: you’re cute or whatevaa 😉

↳ landonorris: right back at you 😉

user: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS STILL

user: idk if i should be happy or cry

user: nOt him making her smile 😩 that should be me

user: i would’ve gotten back with her too, i get it, lando

oscarpiastri: okay, this is cute … i guess

↳ landonorris: you guess?

georgerussell63: 😏

user: they really hard launched their relationship just like that

carlossainz55: where’s the surprise?

↳ yourusername: 🙄 this is why i’m taking lando back from u

↳ landonorris: technically, you’ve always had me 😏

maxverstappen1: from friends, to lovers, to exes, to fuck buddies, to lovers again … cute

↳ user: does this confirms these fuckers never stopped seeing each other?!?? 😭😭

↳ user: nOt max exposing them 💀

↳ user: max, you’re telling me that these two have been hooking up even after they broke up?!?? 🤔

↳ maxverstappen1: 👍🏼

user: that last post is cute tho 😩

user: i NEEDED this!

user: ynlando nation rise!! our favs are back together 😌

maxfewtrell: get it 😉

user: i still cannot believe this is real

user: i guess this technically confirms they ended on good terms when they broke up the first time

[fuumiku]

Chilcille huh... ngl I was a little suspicious. like why would you do that, huh... hope youre not mischaracterizing anyone in your weird and wacky ship. a little weird. but then you said they both had flat asses and you know what? I salute you and your perfect characterization

The fact you seem to think you managed to not make this ask insulting is baffling. What the hell. Fuck off.

If you actually care to be open minded about the ship, I talk about marchil on my sideblog 24/7. Funnily enough I’m currently 4k words deep into an analysis of their character arc together in canon, but that’ll take some more days to get done. Some notable posts:

Of course without counting the analyses of Chilchuck on his own I’ve made, like my masterpost on his family situation. Or better yet you could also read my fics for them, see how weird and wacky they are here.

Wanna talk about mischaracterisation? They’re literally a comedic duo who interacts 24/7. Marchil is crazy bc ppl are like "did those shipper read with their eyes CLOSED?? They have no chemistry!" Meanwhile canon is like: "She’s obsessed with knowing everything she can about him and she reads him like a book." In her eyes he’s like that extra rare and hard and shiny unlockable dating sim character, that brooding mysterious character trope that’s thrilling to crack open and typically is at the center of the plot. The wife roleplay???? "Hey, did you know his type is blondes. Hey did you know he likes his women pretty and blonde. Hey did you know he likes her hair. Hey did you know that he teases her 24/7 and it’s one of the few things that consistently gets him grinning because he finds her reactions cute." Like a schoolyard bully pulling on the pigtails of the girl he likes.

It’s not like they have any thematic narratives or relevance. It’s not like she’ll live to 1000 and has existential dread about it while he’s logically gonna be her next friend to die at 50 and wether it’s romantic or platonic it’ll terrify her to lose him. It’s not like it’s fear of death x fear of rejection so they’re both obsessed with the thought of loss looming, past and ongoing. It’s not like it’s half-elf x half-foot and there’s an inherent journey that was and still is to dispel prejudices and truly come to see each other. It’s not like he’s painfully real and raw and flawed but still a good man, that he’s not the figure of prince charming that she’s always dreamed of while still being virtuous and worth fighting for. Or you know, her hair being golden and it being the epitome of beauty to him, and his hair turning silver and it being Marcille’s worst nightmare.

Just a weird wacky ship who means nothing but shallow things to people who have weirdo reasons for liking it. Like can you not. If you’re not imaginative enough to think of reasons why this ship may have an appealing dynamic that’s not my issue. But yes, yes, they’re both flat asses to me, thanks.

[noahschnappinfs]

last October filled with chaos, hate and confusion vs this October blessing us with the brat concert, naleb friendship crumbs, the whole comic con in general, caleb’s birthday, nillie sighting at sabrina’s concert and a potential halloween party to be hosted by millie, like yeah the hate towards him is still very much there but its slowly getting better y’all 😭😭

lets hope this upcoming November to even be better than October, especially when last November was truly the absolute worst

you’re so right, we just had the best october ever and we will have millie’s halloween party to look forward to

we’re finally living in the better timeline, things are totally getting better and i can’t wait to get more fun things like this.

[tommykinard6]

/begin emotional rant

Will I continue with 9-1-1? Probably not (I’m in Canada and don’t usually watch episodes until the day after on Disney+ so I’m honestly not sure I’ll even watch this episode cause I don’t want to be ugly crying in my living room and the only real reason I was excited to watch it was spoiled for me on Twitter over and over and over again). They did Tommy super dirty this episode. Same with Lou. Why sign someone on as a recurring just to have them break up and leave after having been in 3 episodes out of the current 7 that have aired? Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

I think I’m just feeling my feels hard about this whole situation cause I see myself in Tommy. 40 year old gay guy who came out late in life (not as late as Tommy but much later than the post glee homosexuals). Hell this whole thing just reminds me of my first boyfriend and how he left me so I’m extra in my feels about it all (my only shining light is my husband who has been tolerating me for 7 years, and I was his first Same Sex relationship so there could always be hope for it to come back)

If Tommy does come back somehow I might consider coming back to watching 9-1-1 but I don’t know. This show and the whole BuckTommy relationship was also the first time I let myself get invested in fandom in a long time. It just feels like it’s not worth it anymore to actually care about a show or a character when creators and writers can so spectacularly mess things up.

/end emotional rant

I’m watching the episode for the other characters (Madney, Josh, Eddie) and to get the crumbs of BuckTommy that I can if this is truly to be it.

Something just feels very off about all of it.

I hope this storyline gets fixed and you and many other people get a reason to continue watching, but I can absolutely respect if that’s not the case. I’m so sorry that a character you saw so much of yourself in is gone cause that…that’s just the worst, man.

Take care of yourself nonnie, we’re gonna get through this.

[tenebrous-academic]

I think starting off with bucktommy having so many scenes focusing on them just made us greedy (Understandable, how could you get enough of them?😭). Like I'm mourning tommy's scene with henren. It's already established that chimney is bucktommy warrior but I really wanted to see how things between hen and tommy are. Like damn, there's no way we're finding out huh?

But considering how short the season is I think tim is doing a good job at establishing bt. We've seen tommy in many 118 important moments (the rescue, madney's wedding, the ceremony, even mentioned in Bobby's goodbye 😭, and the hospital). It's safe to say that tommy is like no other love interest. And buck already knows/feels that much. We only need the little nudge that makes him go: "yes, he's is the one for me". Could be in the hospital scene, could be not.

But the desperation is felt and REAL, like it's our last chance to get any substantial bt scenes to live off during the hiatus. It's gonna be wild out there

Anon, we were given a FEAST at the start of this season. The soft conversations, the chin grabs, the promise of something more beginning to blossom???? We had everything we wanted in the start of their relationship. The queer awakening of Buck was given so much attention and screen time (as it should) and, once the storyline focused on other characters (as it also should because this isn’t just the Buck show), we had to make do with small interactions and background scenes. But oh my, what we were given to begin with was almost too good to be true. It was such an authentic start to a relationship. The chemistry, awkwardness, earnestness, and desire was so amazing to witness because it felt so real and lasting. And it’s created such a believable couple that we’re still here, even though we’ve basically had nothing else to go off of since the kiss in the hospital.

It absolutely makes sense that people are saying it doesn’t feel like we’ve been shown enough of an established relationship because we were given so much of the start of the relationship. There seems to be a disconnect now where, if people aren’t shown it, then it just doesn’t exist. I don’t agree with it, but I understand why some fans are upset or are claiming it’s not there.

And, because this fandom is amazing, we’ve thought of all the scenes and interactions we want to see. Just look at A03 for the sheer untapped potential of Tevan content. But we’re not getting them because this show already has so much to showcase. RIP Hen and Tommy discussion scene, RIP Hen and Buck heart-to-heart over Buck’s newly discovered bisexual identity.

I completely agree that Tim is doing his best to give everyone equal screen time. We already know he’s returned from his Lone Star vacation with a determination to bring Buck back to former glory and I think the journey he’s on now is going to be incredible to witness. Tim is laying a foundation for Tevan in a way that isn’t monopolizing the screen (which we know Buddie fans would also complain about if that were happening) and he’s giving us just enough crumbs to keep us fed. The scenes you highlighted are so important and it’s weaving Tommy into the fabric of the 118. You’re so right that it’s unlike any other love interest. Taylor was there but we know she was there for the stories and the exploitation. Tommy is there for Buck.

Depending on what we get next episode for the finale this hiatus is going to be so wild. If we’re lucky, we’ll get some truly sweet moments between Tommy and Buck. If we’re not lucky, Tommy will only be there briefly (or maybe even only mentioned) and we’ll have to rely on fanfics to sustain us with codas and AUs.

Either way, what a way to go.

[captainsimagines]

pretty woman, this is me trying || four

Summary: Bucky Barnes does not like to be touched. He’s completely ready to live a distant life and give up when the time is right. Until Stark hires him his own personal pretty woman. Over time, Bucky Barnes begins to learn how to touch again. How to feel again. How to love himself again.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female SexWorker!Reader

Trope(s): Holiday Fanfic ; Slow-Burn ; Friends to Lovers

Based on the Song(s): sweet nothing by Taylor Swift and Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

(4/14)

Mini-Series 

Warnings: references to past sexual abuse; the beginning of soft touches; strong language

Word Count: 2,200+

~

     Eating a breakfast burrito with a hot coffee in the middle of snowy Central Park was definitely something on your unwritten bucket list. Something that was too odd, too specific, to actually put onto paper.

But this.

This was the gentle gift of life.

You figured the super soldier beside you was thinking the same. Bundled in multiple layers and with a large coffee tucked near his chest, Bucky Barnes stared up at the sky. Soaking up whatever beams of sunlight bursting through the clouds. It wasn’t actively snowing, but the coldness was evident by the red of his nose.

There were barely any people around. Just the typical joggers and healthy commuters. You could hear the sirens from one direction and music blasting from the other. Typical New York morning.

Except, today, you had a companion.

Two, actually. Bucky named him Axel, named after the Father of Peace. They were practically inseparable yesterday, and Bucky did not hesitate to adopt the elder German shepherd.  He stuck his nose deeper into the doggy blanket, especially grateful for the sweater that kept his hips warm. Bucky hadn’t batted one eye when the shelter worker had told him Axel had arthritis in his hips. He had paid for the medication, stopped by the pet store, and purchased everything known to man that accompanied a pet.

Blankets, sweaters, a bed, food bowls, treats and food, even a damn raincoat.

You would have swooned if you could have stopped laughing from how serious Bucky was being. And good for him—having a pet made a human healthier. Less lonely.

Maybe adopting wasn’t such a tedious thing.

Bucky Barnes was now your companion. He officially accepted you yesterday, saying that you two could truly help each other. You, the money. Him, getting used to touch again. The experiment with the dogs was one thing, but he had plans to step it up a level. By the end of your time together, you figure you’ll be able to hold his hand.

“So,” you started, dusting your fingers of invisible crumbs. “You’ve accepted my services. We’re acquaintances now. Lay out the rules, Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky smiled gently, looking down at the top of Axel’s head as he did so. “I want to start with the feeling. Like, soft touches.”

You hummed, pulling your gloves back on. Looking around the park, you debated risking hypothermia for the next part. Tugging off your boots and socks, you made sure Bucky was watching as you extended both feet off the blanket, running them through the tips of the grass. The tendrils tickled and the frozen dew pricked, but it was necessary.

“See? Do this. Imagine the grass hair to be tiny, little hands. Grabbing at your tiny, little toes.”

Bucky snorted quietly, but listened to your directions. He took his sweet time as you stomped and rolled your ankles, warming yourself the best you could. He stretched a long leg into the grass, spreading his toes and testing the waters.

“Do the hands feel nice?”

“The hands feel nice.”

Axel moaned softly, rolling over onto his back. You stared at the dog in amusement, then at Bucky, whose eyes glimmered at the dog just the same.

“Can my toe touch your toe?”

If he was uncomfortable with that question, he didn’t show it. Instead, it looked like he was trying to hold in the loudest laugh. How else were you supposed to phrase that question? But making the soldier laugh, well, that had to be a major plus.

“We can try.”

You nodded, scooting closer on the blanket. Bucky leaned his shoulders away on instinct, but he caught himself. You didn’t want to make him too uncomfortable, but he did need to learn to remind himself that danger was not present. That danger can be avoidable during sweet moments.

You moved your leg over, watching his right foot remain perfectly still. Closer, giving him time to back out if need be, until your feet left but a gap. Bucky released a heavy breath, shutting his eyes for a moment.

“You know, I got my dad’s feet. Man didn’t give me much of an allowance or words of wisdom growing up, but he did bless me with these goddamn toes.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped open, and he practically broke his neck turning to face you. His lips twitched, involuntarily splitting into a grin, before he burst out laughing. You didn’t touch him yet. You were too mesmerized by the sound and length of his neck to continue your quest.

“You have nice toes,” he commented, wiping at his beard.

“With nail polish, yes. See me without it and you’ll be singing a different tune.”

Slowly, you tipped your foot and rested your pinkie toe against his. Bucky sucked in a breath, staring, paralyzed.

“Good?”

Bucky grimaced quickly. “Sort of.”

You moved your foot, wiggling your toes. “You can ask me questions too, you know?”

“Have I not asked you questions?”

“Eh. But I know you’re wondering why I do this. They all do.”

Bucky frowned again, scrunching his nose a little. “I wasn’t wondering why you did it. You said you do it by choice. I’m not going to question that. I guess… I want to know what attracted you to it.”

There was some difference in the questions, but it was still the same question. It was considerate of him to phrase it nicely, however. “I left my hometown behind. I came here to New York like a twenty-year old idiot and thought, ‘Working retail or fast food is going to pay my rent’.”

You wanted a new place to live, a new place to exist. Was it so bad to want something so extreme? It wasn’t so bad the first few months. But as the bills started piling up and the lonelier you got, you had to seek alternative routes.

“I met a woman named Lainey. She lived a few doors down from me and we always got coffee at the same time each morning. She told me about the escort business, how this website was truthful and all that. So I tried it.”

Bucky handed you back your socks. You slipped them back on, continuing your story. “My first client didn’t ask for sex. I just went with him to an office party. The second canceled after I had already bought a dress for this huge banquet ball. But the third…”

Bucky froze as he, too, tugged on his socks.

“He didn’t tell me he wanted sex. We went on a date, and then he asked me for it. I said no, but he offered me two thousand dollars. I needed that money, Bucky.”

You swallowed hard as you zipped up your boots. “So I did it. And I cried the entire time. After that, Lainey told me that I have to make sure they explicitly say what they want in their messages. That the private messages were a contract. Since then, I haven’t slept with anyone I didn’t want to.”

“Lainey sounds like a pistol.”

You chuckled. “Yeah. She was.”

“Was?”

You shrugged, suddenly sad. “She never told anyone she had cancer.”

Axel whimpered softly, kicking his leg gently on your stomach. You grinned down at him, rubbing your gloved hand across his fur. “Lainey loved dogs. I was going to take in her dog after she died, but I ran into her mother as she was cleaning out Lainey’s apartment. That woman needed the dog more than me.”

“I’m sorry about Lainey.”

You were sorry about Lainey, too. How long has it been since you spoke about her? Since someone besides Lainey entered your apartment?

“I’ve come to love this job. I’ve learned to navigate it. I don’t recommend it unless someone genuinely has questions, but they never do. They always bring it up like it’s a joke.”

“Was Lainey your best friend?”

“In the city? I suppose.”

“You would think, in a world full of aliens and superheroes, we would have found the cure for cancer by now.”

You snorted out a laugh, turning to face him. But he was looking down at his own hand, mere inches from yours. Pinkies just a small distance away.

“How did it feel discovering the cure for smallpox?” You moved your pinkie just a little, getting closer.

“Considering they founded the vaccine in 1796, I wouldn’t know.” His pinkie inched closer, too.

“I meant polio, then.”

His finger paused, and Bucky’s shoulder crumbled. He pulled back, sighing deeply. “Polio vaccine came out in 1955. Don’t really remember, but I know Hydra shot me up with it.”

You had a sudden urge to twist your own neck. Even though you had no idea that would trigger a memory,  you had to assume that mentioning things like that would get some reaction out of him. Is it entirely your fault? No. It’s Hydra’s. But could you have been a little more considerate with your words or knowledge of history? Maybe next time.

So you tried, “Did it leave a dime-sized mark on your arm? Because for me, I have no mark at all.”

Bucky adjusted his jaw, following your lead. “I think I do. I haven’t really checked.”

“Can I be frank?”

“Don’t see why not.”

“Because it may be a little out of line and totally ridiculous to say, but I think you should hear it.”

Bucky cleared his throat, laying a gloved hand over Axel’s paw.

“I need your permission before I put my foot in my mouth.”

“I’m a big boy, I can take it.”

You grumbled, fighting with yourself. You just had an internal battle with yourself for saying something, accidentally, out of line and here you were, about to do it again. But it had the potential of being a positive thing. A thing that could change the outlook of one horrible memory.

“That polio mark… I am not defending Hydra or making them seem like good people. It doesn’t have anything to do with them, really. But all the torture you endured, all the evil… They, at least, gave you something good. It’s not a defense for them, but for you. So, think about it like this. For just a moment, in the year 1955, something good happened to you.”

“It doesn’t erase the bad.”

“No. It doesn’t. It’s just a little bit mixed in there. Existing. Hiding.”

Bucky raised his eyes, meeting yours. “I’m not giving them that credit.”

You nodded. “Then don’t attach it to them. You were vaccinated against something bad, and that’s good. Period.”

“And you might have been broke in New York, but it led you to finding Lainey. Period.”

You smiled, teeth and all, thinking that Lainey would have liked Bucky. Would have probably stolen him from you. For a good reason, too.

Sticking out a gloved hand, you raised your pinkie finger. Waiting for Bucky as he did the same.

“Tell me, Bucky Barnes. Tell me what you want me to touch, and I’ll do it. Anything, as long as it won’t get me arrested.”

With a half-assed, impassive look, Bucky motioned for you to go on.

“Tell me what you want to touch, too.”

The soft breath that left his lungs swirled in the air as he exhaled, two strands from his hair bun escaping. He tucked one behind his ear, still keeping that one hand raised.

“I want,” he started, swallowing lightly. “I want to be able to hold someone’s hand. To pinky-promise. To hug them goodbye. I want to be able to see someone without clothing again, to not freak out when they scrape a knee. I want to be able to pass a plate to someone, to feel their warmth, to high-five. I want to own my body again. And I want people to know that I own myself.”

Something inside of you twisted painfully, deep in your stomach. His words felt like a reverse catapult, cannons slicing through your organs before they landed. When you first laid with someone for money, there was this awful feeling of neglect to yourself. To your own wellbeing. A feeling of raw, horrid guilt. Because you hadn’t chosen to do it fully. You hadn’t given yourself freely and completely. Half of you accepted it, while the other half writhed and begged you to stop.

After some time, you came to own these moments. To make them your own, pleasurable, chosen. You had decided the when, and the where, and the who. You owned it all.

Knowing that Bucky Barnes never had a choice… That feeling of raw, horrid guilt came rushing back—not attached to you, of course—but as an extension. As empathy. As understanding.

“I give you permission, Bucky Barnes,” you said, tucking your legs underneath yourself and facing him directly. “To touch me however you like. Whenever you like. To learn how to live again. And I promise, if I do not want to be touched, I will tell you.”

He watched your raised pinky curl, a question in his eyes.

“Cross one thing off that list,” you told him. “Accept my promise.”

So Bucky straightened his once crumbling shoulders, and wrapped his gloved pinky around your own.

~

[maddieautobot273]

When I Am King, You Shall Be Queen - Silk & Cologne Cinderella AU

An AU fanfic set in the S&C universe - link to AO3 (X)

Chapter 1: There was a girl

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Female OC Spidersona!

Words: 2.1K

Warnings: PG for character death.

Summary: Dive into this alternate universe where Lisa and Miguel's lives are a classic fairy tale.

//////

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lisa. She saw things not how it was, but how it could be, with a little bit of music and magic. Her parents only seemed to influence that mindset, and to them, she was a princess. 

Sure they didn’t have an actual royal title, or a castle, but they were the rulers of their own little kingdom. They lived in a cottage estate at the edge of the forest across town, where their family lived for generations. Starting as farmers and merchants, they raised animals and grew crops until in recent years they had branched out and found their own musical talents. 

They still keep the animals, as they are part of the family, of course!

“Now, now, Ms. Hen, save some for the rest of us!” a young 7 year old Lisa laughed as she tossed some food out to the chickens, watching as the mother hen swooped in and snatched some extra crumbs. 

“The coup causing trouble again?” A voice called out to her, and Lisa turned, the skirt of her pink spring dress twirling as she laid eyes on a woman with long curled brown hair and sparkling green eyes. 

“Momma!” Lisa cheered as she set the bag down and ran for her mother. “How was rehearsal today?”

Her mother, Lady Kendrick, was a well known opera singer, deemed the best in the kingdom, and her father, Lord Kendrick, was an aspiring composer. Lisa from a very young age aspired to follow in their footsteps. 

“Oh it was so much fun!” Lady Kendrick exclaimed as she knelt down and caught her child in a hug. “I was practicing one of your fathers songs.”

Lisa’s eyes beamed excitedly before a loud ‘CAKAW!’ noise caught her ear as she turned to see some of the chickens startle, losing a few feathers as a young, strongly built man narrowly avoided stepping on them. “Nugget, Clucky, don’t scare Mr. Stacey like that!”

George Stacey, or Mr. Stacey, as Lisa called him, was one of the staff that worked and helped keep the estate running. He was our estate’s guard, or loyal knight as Lisa imagines him, but when he wasn’t patrolling and protecting their kingdom from intruders, he was helping feed the animals. 

“Are you alright, George?” Lady Kendrick called out to him. 

“I’m fine!” Mr. Stacey laughed in relief as he set a bag of seeds down. “I don’t know how Lisa compels them to listen to her.”

“How’s the Miss’s?” Lady Kendrick asked him. 

“She’s due any day now.” Mr. Stacey smiled proudly as he kept feeding the chickens. “Fingers crossed it's a girl.”

Lady Kendrick smiled brightly at their family friend. 

“Do you truly think they can understand you?” Lady Kendrick asked Lisa as she turned back to her daughter. 

“Do you, mother?” Lisa asked in response, a curious glimmer in her eyes. 

“Oh, yes, I think they can understand and speak to us.” Lady Kendrick smiled brightly. “If we only listen to them. It’s how’ve looked after them.”

“But if we’re looking after them, who looks after us?” Lisa asked curiously as her mother sat down at the steps and pulled Lisa into her lap. 

“Why Fairy Godmothers, of course!” Lady Kendrick booped Lisa’s nose, making her giggle. “They watched over me, and they’ll watch over you too.”

“Well, if you believe in them, I will too!” Lisa laughed with a proud smile. 

Lady Kendrick invited Lisa back inside where they ventured to the hobby room where Lisa began her private dance lessons for the day. Her mother always helped her practice whenever she didn’t need to go out into town. Lisa was learning the waltz when the bells chimed from their small bell tower and Lisa’s eyes lit up as she shared an anticipating glance with her mother. 

The ringing of the bells could only mean one thing. 

“Papa’s home!” She cheered as she sat up from her mother’s lap, and bolted into the house. 

Lord Kendrick was often called away to perform abroad. His music and fame were slowly becoming well known in the far reaches of the globe. Despite being overly proud of his success, Lisa always missed her father terribly when he was away, so it made their reunions all the more sweeter. 

“Lisa! Janet! Where are my girls?” A happy-go-lucky voice called out from the front courtyard of the house as Lisa pulled the heavy door open. 

Emerging from a carriage was Lord Kendrick, dressed in a fine navy blue suit with matching gray trousers and black leather boots. With tousled black hair and bright brown eyes, as soon as his gaze landed on his daughter, he knelt to the ground and greeted her with open arms. 

“You’re back!” Lisa cheered as she jumped into his embrace. 

“Oh, I missed you terribly, my sweet!” Lord Kendrick laughed as he stood up to his feet and spun her around. 

“Where did you go this time?” Lisa asked him as he set her down gently on the edge of a fountain. 

“Oh, the city of Rome. It was beautiful, you’d absolutely love it there.” Lord Kendrick grinned, a charming smile on his face, one that would rival that of a prince or even a king. 

“Can I come with you next time?” Lisa pleaded excitedly. 

“I’m afraid only when you’re a little older.” Lisa pretended not to notice as her father’s coach man snuck something into her father’s hand before he quickly hid the object behind his back. “But I hope this surprise compromises for that.”

Her father knelt down as he whipped his arm out, handing Lisa a beautiful crafted box. “What is it?” she asked.

“Open it, and you’ll see.” Lord Kendrick smiled, encouraging her. 

Lisa carefully turned the lock before pushing back the lid and was elated when music started playing from the box. Spinning on a small dial was a miniature figurine of a prince and princess dancing together.

“Lavenders blue, dilly, dilly

Lavender's green

When I am king, dilly, dilly

You shall be queen

Who told you so, dilly, dilly

Who told you so?

'Twas mine own heart, dilly, dilly

That told me so~” 

Lisa listened to the melody carefully and her lips curled into a bright smile before she glanced up at her father. “That’s the song you wrote for mother!”

“You like it?” He asked her, eyes beaming with pride. 

“I love it!” Lisa exclaimed happily. 

“In Rome, they call the music box, carillon.” Lord Kendrick explained with an admiring gaze. 

“Carillon.” Lisa repeated as her father applauded her. 

“Very good!” Lord Kendrick stood up, before suddenly standing up. “Have you been practicing since I’ve been gone?”

“My Italian or my dancing?” Lisa responded back with a soft chuckle. 

“Both!” Her father grinned before offering her a gracious bow. “Mia signora, posso avere questo ballo?” -  My lady, may I have this dance? 

“Sì, mio ​​Signore!” Lisa stood up from the fountain, offering her father a courtesy. 

The two danced together to the melody of the music box as Lady Kendrick looked on fondly from the front door. 

All that was, was as it should be. They were considered the happiest of families to love each other as they did so. But darkness could come to any kingdom . . 

////////

11 year old Lisa sat nervously in her chair in the main foyer of the estate, sitting next to the door leading into her father’s study. She fiddled with the music box her father gave her in her hands, debating whether or not to open it as she didn’t want to disturb them in the other room. But she needed something to try and calm her nerves as she waited, and she had done a lot of waiting. 

Last night after putting her to bed, her mother suddenly collapsed, becoming very weak. Lord Kendrick urged Mr. Stacey runs into town and brings back a doctor, and fast. Everything after that for Lisa was a blur, her mind blank as she barely got a wink of sleep after that. 

It was the wee hours in the morning, and the sun had just started coming out by the time the doors suddenly pulled open. Lisa jumped in her chair, setting her music box aside before looking over to see the doctor emerge with his bag, her father trailing behind him. The doctor gave Lisa a sympathetic look with a firm nod, and Lisa knew something terrible was happening. 

She may still be learning the ways of the world, but she couldn’t tell when bad news was brewing, and it was only then did Lisa realize that other members of their staff were anxiously awaiting in the main room. 

“Thank you, doctor.” Lord Kendrick offered the man a firm handshake, his knuckles bone white before Mr. Stacey showed him out. He looked over towards the faces of his staff before turning to Lisa, trying to keep a strong front as he offered her his hand. “Come dear.”

Lisa stood up from the chair, the ruffles of her yellow flower dress, one of her mother’s favourties because yellow was her favourite colour, swayed with each step as she cautiously reached for her father’s hand. He squeezed it tightly, offering her a brave smile before he led her into the room. 

Her father’s study was filled with instruments, his sheet music scattered about the floor and a writing desk at the far corner of the room. Near the window where sunlight beamed down almost angelically was Lady Kendrick, laid back on her father’s chair bed, a blanket draped below the waist. She looked gravely ill as she took slow breathes, holding her head with her hand as if she were fighting a vigorous headache. 

Their footsteps were light as the pair approached Lady Kendrick, and her mother’s eyes seemed to shine a little brighter at her presence as her father held her shoulders firmly, yet comfortingly. 

“Lisa. . .” Lady Kendrick breathed out her name with a tired smile. “I want to tell you a secret, okay?”

Lisa could see the tears that had swelled in her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat, her fingers curling into fists to compose herself.  “Okay. . .”

“This secret has helped me through all my trials in life, and I pray that it helps you in turn.” Lady Lisa extended her weary hand, and Lisa’s smaller petite hand took it. 

They weren’t as warm as yesterday. 

“Always remember; Have courage, and be kind.” Lady Kendrick proclaimed, her larger fingers curling around Lisa’s hand, squeezing tightly. “This is the greatest magic to ever exist.”

Lisa could feel her lips star to tremble, her eyes beginning to sting. Why was she saying this?

“You have more kindness than anyone can ever possess, and it can be very powerful.” Lady Kendrick implored, her eyes becoming teary again. 

“It can?” Lisa asked her softly. 

“Of course. Have courage and be kind, my darling. Can you promise me that?” Lady Kendrick smiled softly. 

Something was definitely wrong. Lisa could feel her heart pounding in her chest, hear its being in her ear drums. Lisa nodded her head softly, words suddenly failing her. 

“Good. I–” Tears welled in her mother’s eyes as Lady Kendrick looked over towards Lord Kendrick who looked equally as teared up, trying to stay strong for their daughter before her gaze fell back on her. She gulped for air, trying to shove down as much dread as she could as her voice wavered. “I must go very– unexpectedly, and soon, my love.”

That did it. That was all Lisa needed to hear until tears of her own started streaming down her cheeks. A soft whimper fluttered from her lips as her father’s grip on her shoulders tightened ever so slightly. Her vision blurred and every time she blinked to clear her vision, more tears were set free. 

Her worst nightmare was coming true. 

“Can you ever forgive me?” Lady Kendrick asked. 

Lisa’s body trembled along with her voice as she managed a shaking breath. “Of course I forgive you.”

Lady Kendrick reached out her other hand and that was all the invitation Lisa needed to fall into her mother’s embrace, as she cried into her chest. The soft caresses from her mother did nothing to muffle her sobs as her father leaned in as well, engulfing them both in an embrace as he whispered pure love and devotion into their ears. 

Through it all, her mother’s passing, the funeral, her burial, one phrase repeated itself into Lisa’s head over and over. 

It’s happening again. 

Lady Kendrick was buried in a private cemetery on the outskirts of town with her belated husband, and Lisa’s birth father. Time passed, and as Lisa grew up with her step-father, pain turned into memory. In her heart, Lisa stayed the same, and kept her promise to her mother. Have courage and be kind.

That is where our story begins. 

But there is another who’s part plays an important role, and that’s who we’ll meet next. 

////////

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[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Fourteen

“Welcome.” Jude opens the door and lets me shuffle inside before him, clutching my clothes to my body and trailing sand onto the oak floors, but if he minds he doesn’t show it. The house is so bright and airy, and the first thing I notice is the sea view. From where I’m standing at the front door, a wall of huge ceiling to floor windows frame the Irish sea beautifully, and all I see is vast blue, nothing but water for a hundred miles to the east. 

We’re in the dining room, and the table is cluttered with phone chargers and books, a laptop and someone’s Nintendo DS. There’s evidence of this morning’s breakfast everywhere, cereal bowls and glass tumblers stacking up on the draining board of the adjoining kitchen, a battlefield of melted cheese and toast crumbs on the counter tops. It looks like exactly what it is; a house run by five eighteen year olds. 

Jude and I go down a set of iron stairs to the lower level of the house where there’s a living room in a similar state of disarray, but even with all the pillows strewn around, playstation controllers disregarded on the floor, mugs sitting on laptop lids, it’s still a beautiful house. I don’t know a lot about property, but I know that my parents could never have afforded a place like this. 

“Where’s everyone else?” I ask him, struck by the emptiness of the place despite the evidence of so much activity. 

“They’re down on the pitch playing football.” He says. “I don’t play, so I didn’t go.”

“You don’t play football?”

“I do. Just like, soccer football.”

“Not Gaelic?”

“Right. I don’t like Gaelic sports.” He takes a clean towel from the hot press and hands it to me.  “Sacrilege, I know.” 

“Controversial, but I think it’s boring anyway.”

“I’ll keep your secret if you keep mine.” He opens a door off the living room and gestures into the bathroom. “Feel free to take a shower if you want to, the water is hot.”

“You don’t want to go first?”

“No, go ahead.”

I go in and lock the door behind me, then strip off all my clothes and turn the shower on. I shower for ages, and when I’m finished I step out and through the steam I examine my body in the mirror. It’s hard to be objective about how you look when you’re so used to yourself, all the judgements that you cast upon your own body over years of insecurities. I don’t even know what I truly look like. I start thinking about sex again, about how I’d have to let someone see me and touch my body if I wanted to have it. I can’t imagine myself like that, it just seems strange and out of character, something that I’d never do. I dry myself with Jude’s towel and put my clothes back on. 

He’s left the door of his bedroom open so that I know where he is. Inside he’s dressed in a clean t-shirt and shorts and his hair is still damp and when he sees me he smirks. “You don’t have to wear the same wet t-shirt. I can put your clothes in the dryer.”

“It’s okay, they’ll dry on me.”

“No, you can leave all your wet stuff on the floor, I’ll sort them out after my shower and I’ll just find you something else to wear.”

“But I won’t fit in your clothes.”

“You’ll fit in a t-shirt.” He takes one out of his wardrobe and hands it to me. It’s a soft, grey one that feels like it’s been worn and washed a hundred times. I thank him and then he goes to have a shower making sure to close the bedroom door behind him so that I can have privacy. 

I’m glad that he insisted on the t-shirt. The wet spots on my own make me uncomfortable and in comparison his is soft and warm. I sit down on his bed and pick up a book from his nightstand. It’s a german textbook, which makes me smile. The idea of him sitting in bed studying higher level German is funny to me when he seems like the kind of person who’d be up at night doing something so much more mysterious. 

I look through more of his things, of which he has a lot. There’s a stack of CDs of all the bands that I would pretend to know about if someone asked me what kind of music I listen to, and on the floor beside them in a muddy soccer ball and studded boots, two tennis racquets and an overturned tube of tennis balls to match. A notice board on the wall displays photographs of him with his friends looking carefree, surrounded by pinned up notes and tickets from past events as little reminders of the fun he’s been having all summer. 

I spy one with a date near the end of August. It’s a ticket to the music festival that Claire was talking about, and I gaze at it with sudden interest. If I had known Jude was going then maybe…

Prev // Next

[butmakeitgayblog]

That girl knows she’s gonna we’re going into withdrawal & said ‘that should keep’em going for at leat a month’

I’m more than happy receiving her european crumbs for the rest of the year 🍽️

She knows she can't promo the show and was just like fuck I have to give em something lol no but seriously she's such a little cryptid being a fan of hers is truly a test of patience and gratefulness cuz if you can't survive on crumbs 10 out of the 12 months in a year then you just weren't built to be her fan. We a live a life of "go girl give us nothing!"

[fosterwhat]

MICE

It’s freezing here again (11°F today) and I discovered this morning that a mouse had come inside, presumably for shelter and the yummy crumbs my kids seem to leave in their wake.

I spent several hours listening to a podcast and deep cleaning my house while the kids played with relatively few squabbles. They seem to do best when I’m truly busy — working on my computer doesn’t count, but if I’m carrying loads of laundry, scrubbing the stove, etc., they are a tad more independent. It’s nice we’re at that point, at least.

I did make time to bake brownies with Greta. I also had to remove her barnacle-tight grip a number of times throughout the afternoon, because she wanted me to carry her everywhere.

I managed to deep clean the kitchen, bathrooms (including my nemesis, the cast iron tub), do two loads of laundry, and two loads of dishes (I washed lots of previously clean items about because, mice). I’m going to get up and vacuum the living room in a moment, after I write this.

Kids are in bed. Felix has invented an imaginary friend and I think it’s pretty normal? It’s technically not even his own invention, it’s a cat from a book series he’s reading (Zoey and Sassafras). So he spent a lot of the day saying things like, “Sassafras, don’t be silly, you can’t eat my yogurt.” He knows it’s not a real cat, so we’re in the clear, right? I think I’m only concerned because he has hallucinated in the past, so any hint of talking to things that aren’t there freaks me out. But many little kids have imaginary friends, and for how brilliant he is, Felix is developmentally younger, so having an imaginary friend at 7 is…okay?

[adsosfraser]

I am SO curious about valley so low.

I wanted to do a little continuation of roses love sunshine, violets love dew to explore more of Katniss and Peeta’s lives during the war in that universe. It also is Odesta in a way through the view of Everlark 🥰. Based off of this line in the original fic.

Unfortunately, that year Peeta and I learned just how truly terrible roommates Finnick and Annie are. Their son is living testament to that fact. Not that we’re much better, but still.

I have some written already but not much but it’s still sort of a festering idea in my docs and mind. I’ll probably raise the rating to mature too. But here’s a little crumb 🍞

“Holy shit.” My eyes widen and Peeta can see me mouthing the silent words under the constant backlight that’s supposed to simulate night.

[thecleverqueer]

Again, I’m completely baffled by the lack of media literacy in Star Wars fandom… especially when it comes from people that literally write for a living and work in media…

I was reading an article about why Ahsoka decided not to train Grogu as a Jedi yesterday. The article claimed that she decided not to do it because she’s not a Jedi herself, but like, bitch, no… it had nothing to do with that. She LITERALLY SAYS she’s not going to do it because of Grogu’s attachment to Din.

Lemme break it down for you here…

So, Filoni has told us that Ahsoka does not consider herself to be a Jedi at the beginning of her series because she has lost faith in institutions. So, fair. She is, at that point, a Ronin that still follows the code and the teachings of the Jedi order, but because her faith in others has been totally shattered into a billion pieces, she works alone. It will not shock me if by the end of her series she considers herself to be a Jedi once more. It shouldn’t shock you. Filoni has been dropping bread crumbs to lead us in that direction since Ahsoka left the order. Moving on.

After Din simmers a very high-strung Ahsoka down by letting her know that Bo-Katan sent him to her, and Din explains the reason he sought her out, Ahsoka agrees to test Grogu the following morning. I’m confident she would have wasted no time refusing to do any of this if her reasoning were related to her relationship with the Jedi. She would have just been up front about that. Like, “No, I’m not a Jedi. I’m not qualified,” or, “I can’t help you because I am not a Jedi myself.” She doesn’t do that. She tests Grogu the following morning.

Ahsoka’s test was very deliberate and focused. She already knew Grogu was force sensitive because they’d communicated through the force the previous night. His force capabilities had nothing to do with what she was looking for. She was testing the bond between Din and Grogu. She was trying to determine how close they truly were. She tells Din to “connect with him (Grogu)”. Just as soon as she picked up on Grogu’s attachment to Din, she hard noped out. She wasn’t going to have anything to do with Grogu’s training. The very idea of training Grogu clearly freaked her out. She basically indicated that Din should just let Grogu’s force abilities fade, which I don’t know if that’s exactly how that works, but maybe she knows more than me about it.

Honestly, if we’re looking for the REAL (out of universe) reason(s) that she refused to train Grogu, it’s because Dave has something bigger planned out for Ahsoka’s journey.. whether that be finding Ezra, ending Thrawn and his cronies, helping Luke rebuild the order, becoming a Jedi or something greater, transcending into a force goddess, dying in some fantastical fashion or whatever is anyone’s guess.. she didn’t have time to train Grogu. Never mind the fact that Grogu is an intricate piece of the Mandalorian puzzle.

Still, Ahsoka’s unwillingness to train Grogu had nothing to do with being or not being a Jedi and everything to do with her own hang ups.

[ghost-proofbaby]

ghost i just read the latest chapter of maroon and GOOD GOD 😭😭😭😭😭 i literally had to pause in some of the parts because I WAS CLUTCHING MY CHEST IN PAIN

just when i thought it couldn't get any more angsty.....you've proven me wrong 😭 you truly captured eddie's pain in the most tragic YET BEAUTIFUL WAY. and oh my god the song 😭 i will send you my therapy bill!!!!!

i'm holding on to the fact that this series is gonna have a happy ending because i don't know how much more pain i can take lmao but just know that i'm LIVING for every update and every crumb! you're so immensely talented and i can't wait to absolutely DEVOUR the next chapter!

😭 thank you thank you thank you!

i promise the heavy angst-only chapters are nearly over. the angst still exists obviously (is it really one of my fics without constant angst?), but we’re going to get a bit more levity going forward <3