#we’re not demonizing people who makes the worst crimes because they’re actually just humans

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt- WWX didn’t die, instead was held captive by JGGY for the 16 years

ao3

“ – his sword has sealed itself. What better evidence that the Yiling Patriarch is dead and gone?”

I’m not, though, Wei Wuxian thought fuzzily. I’m not gone.

Except when he tried to open his eyes, he couldn’t quite manage it. Why couldn’t he open his eyes? Where was he, anyway?

(Dead and gone –)

He remembered the backlash, suddenly, and shuddered. His qi revolting from inside of him, ghostly hands reaching for him, tearing at him – the complete loss of control – pain –  

Am I dead?

Yes, actually, that seemed pretty likely. That backlash…no one could have survived it, not even him.

(Arrogant as always, Wei Wuxian. Haven’t you seen what become of that?)

Okay, I’m dead, he told himself, and it rang true. But that doesn’t answer the question of where am I?

(Questions like “what am I” could be saved for later.)

He could hear, anyway. He wasn’t sure how, but he could. Maybe he could even see?

He tried to see.

He could see.

Blurrily, and not quite right, but he could.

There were people standing around him. The Jin sect, judging by their clothing, and some others – they were arguing over something. Spoils of war…

Hey! He complained. That’s not a spoil of war! That’s my stuff!

Actually, on second thought, maybe they were right. Sure, it was his stuff – was someone trying to lay claim to his shopping list? – but there had been a war, and he’d lost, and that meant his stuff was spoils.

“The greatest contribution, next to the Jiang sect, is ours. Suibian belongs to the Jin sect,” someone said, interrupting Wei Wuxian’s train of thought, and put their hand on him.

Wait.

What?

I’m Suibian?

No, something that wasn’t quite a voice suddenly said. I’m Suibian. You’re Wei Wuxian. Keep it straight.

Wei Wuxian would have gaped, if he’d still had a mouth. Suibian? You – talk?

There was a feeling of amusement. Possibly a bit of mockery. No, definitely mockery, possibly a lot of it.

Is Wei Wuxian’s sword…kind of a dick?

Suibian sniggered.

What am I doing here? Wei Wuxian asked.

I pulled in your souls and spirits when you died, his sword said. They were already setting up soul-summoning rituals for you, and it wouldn’t have gone well for you if they caught you.

No, it wouldn’t have.

You saved me?

I’m your sword, aren’t I? What else am I here for, especially since you no longer wield me?

Wei Wuxian felt a stab of guilt. He’d never once thought about explaining himself to his sword, though in his defense he didn’t know his sword might have feelings on the subject. About that –

Yes, yes, I know, Suibian said. Chenqing explained the whole thing.

…my flute? You talk to my flute?

Please, Suibian said. We’re spiritual weapons. Of course we talk.

Isn’t that only supposed to happen for the weapons of sages? Wei Wuxian argued. Not, you know, run-of-the-mill ones. Er, no offense. Not that you’re not awesome, but I, personally, am very far from a sage.

At least you admit it, Suibian teased. And no, I think that’s just when everyone can start hearing us. We talk amongst ourselves long before that…sometimes I’m jealous of the Nie sect’s sabers. They can talk to their masters a lot earlier than we can.

They can? Even, what, shit he didn’t know any Nie, uh, Nie Huaisang?

…Nie Huaisang doesn’t count and you know it. His saber’s pretty funny, though. Lazier than a sloth.

That sounded about right.

Baxia’s terrifying, though.

That…also sounded right.

Okay, Wei Wuxian said, tearing his mind away from the fascinating question of why the Nie sabers in specific might be able to communicate with their wielders sooner than most and also what that might mean. There were more important things to discuss. Uh, thanks for saving my life. Death? Thanks for saving my souls, anyway.

Don’t embarrass me with gratitude.

Wei Wuxian would have grinned if he’d had a mouth. Yeah, sure, whatever.

They both sniggered at that.

Anyway, what now? I thought I heard…we’re sealed?

How else am I supposed to hide the fact that your souls and spirits are in here? Suibian asked. If someone wields us, they’d know. Wielders always know.

Wei Wuxian didn’t have anything to say about that. He had always known that Suibian was – Suibian. He could have picked up his sword in the dark and known it was his own, rather than another’s.

He just hadn’t known that Suibian had also known.

He’d even known that Suibian had a personality, that he’d – she’d – it –

Hey, do you have a gender? Wei Wuxian asked, distracted. Are you a boy sword or a girl sword –

I am a sword, Suibian said. Please leave your weird human reproduction techniques out of it.

It’s not about reproduction! It’s…hm. Maybe it is about reproduction? I don’t know, I’ve never really questioned it. Something to think about later on. More importantly – what now?

What do you mean?

What do we do now?

I’m not sure I understand.

Wei Wuxian would have rolled his eyes if he’d had them. What is our next step? You rescued me, and now we’re being bartered around as spoils of war. What’s the plan? What do we do now?

Suibian really didn’t seem to understand.

Well, you rescued me! What were you intending happen after that?

Nothing, Suibian said. I rescued you. That was the complete action. There was nothing after that.

You didn’t make a plan?

I’m a sword. We get wielded by others; we don’t – or at least, rarely – take initiative on our own. I’m not a Nie saber or something; I’m not going to hop up one day and go out hunting for evil on my own.

…is that a thing Nie sabers do? Wei Wuxian asked. On second thought, don’t answer that, I don’t have time to process it at the moment. Listen, now that you’ve rescued me, we still have to do something, right? We can’t just sit around on a shelf somewhere in the Jin sect as a trophy!

Suibian’s silence was almost a little pitying.

We can’t do that, Wei Wuxian repeated. Right?  

They were, in fact, placed on a Jin shelf, at least in the beginning.

It was a prominent place, meant to show him off – show it off, really, since no one knew Wei Wuxian was in there.

Wei Wuxian hated it.

He hated the way Jin Guangshan smirked at the sword, very obviously thinking about how he’d ground Wei Wuxian under his heel. He hated the fact that the man was using his research to develop demonic cultivation into something truly monstrous and vile, the reports that were delivered to Jin Guangshan within Wei Wuxian’s hearing enough to make his stomach turn if he still had one.

Reports of entire sects murdered, men women children all, brutally slaughtered as experiments in tests – each one delivered with a calm smile and no regret.

Wei Wuxian hated that.

He hated, too, the fact that his demonic cultivation, that new invention of his, was treated as nothing but a stepping stone, a tool used to help the Jin sect gain power and ascendance over the other sects – that was what this had always been about, he realized belatedly, too late to do any good.

He’d always known that Jiang Cheng had only cast him out of the Jiang sect because of pressure from the rest of the cultivation world, but somehow he hadn’t realized that that pressure was manufactured, that it was intentional, that he’d always been meant to either yield or die because the Jin sect wanted his power and his Tiger Seal and his secrets. Even if he’d still had a golden core, even if he’d set aside demonic cultivation the way they asked, it still would have ended up the same way in the end.

He’d given the Jiang sect power and influence – and the Jin sect didn’t like that.

But what Wei Wuxian hated most of all, above even the sickening reports of the Jin sect’s crimes, was –

“You look well, Sect Leader Jiang,” Jin Guangshan said, blatantly lying.

Jiang Cheng’s eyes were rimmed with red, whether with tears or an incipient qi deviation, and he stared vacantly at Jin Guangshan as if he didn’t quite understand his meaning. He’d lost weight, his cheekbones sharper than they’d been since the worst days of the war when they hadn’t had enough food, and he didn’t seem entirely – sane.

What happened to him? Wei Wuxian demanded. He might be the one who was living a half-life, but Jiang Cheng looked it.

He’s all alone, Suibian said. Like a sword that hasn’t been drawn in years, not even to be sharpened –

I said I was sorry about no wielding you, okay! But no, seriously, what have the Jin sect been doing to him?

Why are you asking me? I’ve been here, same as you.

“Stop the small talk,” Jiang Cheng finally said, interrupting Jin Guangshan’s odious discourse about the general state of the cultivation world, the satisfactory improvement in trade, and even the weather. “We both know why I’m here.”

Jin Guangshan stopped talking, and smiled his viper’s smile that Wei Wuxian wanted to scrub off his face. Preferably with the flat of Suibian’s blade. “It’s a very impudent request, you know,” he said, leaning back. “One could even say that it’s offensive that you even suggested it.”

Jiang Cheng stared at him. His knuckles were white from how hard his fists were clenched. “That’s not a no,” he said. His normally sharp voice was dulled. “That’s not a no.”

“It’s not,” Jin Guangshan agreed. “But if you want something from me, you have to give something in return.”

Haven’t you taken enough from him? Wei Wuxian shouted. You forced him to get rid of me, you forced my hand at the Qiongqi Path and led to everything that happened next, you – you – you greedy pig!

Now, now, Suibian said. What have pigs ever done to you?

Jiang Cheng swallowed and closed his eyes. He looked tired – exhausted – broken into pieces. The Jin sect ought to be helping him rebuild, helping him survive, not extorting him for whatever it was they wanted now.

“I understand,” Jiang Cheng said, through thin and bloodless lips.

Don’t do it! Whatever it is they want from you, refuse, it’s not worth it, Wei Wuxian tried to tell him, though he knew Jiang Cheng couldn’t hear him, couldn’t understand. You don’t know what they’re doing in secret, in the dark – if you knew, you’d be disgusted. Horrified. I know you would be. You’d stop them. If you agree to whatever it is that they want, you’ll think that you were complicit in it when you find out about it, no matter if you weren’t. Don’t agree!

But of course Jiang Cheng couldn’t hear him.

“I’m glad you do,” Jin Guangshan said, slippery and slimy even as he pretended to sound paternal, and Wei Wuxian might learn to hate him even more than he hated Wen Chao. He put his hand on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder, squeezed it, and Jiang Cheng let him – yes, Wei Wuxian could easily learn to hate Jin Guangshan, Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao and all the rest of them, just as much as the Wen sect. Maybe even more. “I look forward to working together with the Jiang sect in the future.”

What Jin Guangshan wanted – in exchange for granting whatever request it was that Jiang Cheng had that mattered so much to him – wasn’t going to be anything as easy as cooperation, and Wei Wuxian knew it; he knew it and he burned with the knowledge of it.

With the knowledge that he’d left Jiang Cheng to face this alone.

That he’d allowed himself to leave his brother behind because of the Jin sect’s manipulations – that if he’d only trusted Jiang Cheng enough to share with him his weakness, to stand with him rather than apart from him, they could have stood up to the Jin sect, to the world, they could have done something, and instead he’d selfishly thought he could do everything on his own, that he didn’t need anyone, that they would be better off without him than with him –

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng murmured. He looked even more broken now than he’d been before. “As you say.”

Jin Guangshan’s hand, still on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder, tightened. It was visible, which meant that Jin Guangshan’s grip was probably bruising, breaking. “Don’t forget to respect your elders, Sect Leader Jiang. You mustn’t forget your etiquette.”

Wei Wuxian had always respected Jiang Cheng, even when they were children, even when his arrogance refused to admit that there was anyone who could be anywhere near as good as himself, and that respect had only grown over the years. Brave, independent Jiang Cheng, who’d fought so hard to build the Jiang sect back up into something of its own, refusing to yield to fate and allow his inheritance to scatter into the wind –

Watching him kneel to pay homage to a monster, to call him ‘Chief Cultivator’ and agree numbly to support his future proposals – practically giving away his Jiang sect’s independence –

Wei Wuxian wanted to cry.

(Maybe this was what it had all been about. Not his demonic cultivation, not the Tiger Seal, not the power they could give to the Jin sect – this. This display of domination, of oppression; the Jin sect putting the Jiang underfoot.)

Whatever you’re getting for this had better be worth it, Jiang Cheng!

When it was done, Jiang Cheng looked up. “I’ll go now,” he said, throat hoarse as if from keeping himself from screaming – or crying. “I’ll take him – there won’t be any trouble, will there?”

“None whatsoever,” Jin Guangshan said, and smiled. “After all, A-Ling is very young. It’s no hardship to let him be raised a few years by his maternal family, to learn the traditions of the Jiang sect…since after all his poor mother isn’t around to teach him.”

Jiang Cheng barely flinched as he stood to go – he was beyond that – but Wei Wuxian howled in rage and despair.

We have to be able to do something, he begged Suibian. Something – anything! I can’t…this is my fault. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have to do this – please!

He had to admit that Jiang Cheng wasn’t wrong, to do what he did. Complicity, future guilt, present humiliation...it was all worth it. For all the future pain it would cause Jiang Cheng, it was worth it – to him, to Wei Wuxian – anything would be worth saving Jiang Yanli’s son.

Nothing has changed, Suibian said, solemn for once. I’m still just a sword. I can seal myself, but I can’t act on my own, not without a wielder.

Then what do I do?

Cultivate, Suibian said. A lot. I’ve been thinking about it: sword spirits are a thing, so are ghosts – it’ll take a while, but if we work at it, you’ll eventually be able to float outside of me. A while after that, you might even be able to manifest to humans. We’re both pretty bright; it shouldn’t take more than a few years.

Years!

Were you expecting this to be easy?

Wei Wuxian thought about Jiang Cheng, gritting his teeth and disregarding his pride to save his nephew; thought about Jin Guangyao smiling peaceably as he reported on the latest atrocities their pet demonic cultivators had caused in the same tone he used to discuss the weather; thought about that poor child, Mo Xuanyu, who’d been dragged into the Jin sect’s pit of vipers –

No, he said. I guess not.

Let’s begin.

[linkspooky]

Dabi the Villain, Touya the Victim

That no.1 title you’ve always wanted is a lot of pressure, huh? Has your heart been purified with all the praise you’ve received from the public? Does your newfound vigor as a father figure to your children, make you feel like you’re developing a ‘familial bond’ with them? You seriously thought if you could keep your eyes towards the future the past would forget itself would you? It’s time for someone to give you a life lesson - (RHA SCANS). 

The past doesn’t forget. Dabi doesn’t forget. Scars may fade with time but Dabi’s won’t, they’ll only get worse and worse as he continues to burn himself using his quirk. Dabi arrives at literally the single worst time possible, to throw salt in old wounds, and stick his fingers in them for good measure. It’s clear, Dabi’s revenge is just going to make things worse for everyone, including his family, including Shoto.

However that begs the question, if not now, then when? This was always going to happen. I don’t mean ‘abusive families have to air their dirty laundry in live television’ I mean, there was always going to be some consequence to what Endeavor did to his family. Dabi is a monster, yes, but in-story he’s a monster of Endeavor’s creation. Dabi wouldn’t even exist without Endeavor’s direct actions. He’s a reflection of every bad thing Endeavor has done up until this point and everything he needs to face. The number one hero created the number one worst villain. 

1. The Shadow

Dabi is more than just a murderer, he’s also a jungian archetype. The shadow is a jungian idea that states on the whole we are not as good as we think we are. In fact, we actually might be much worse. 

The shadow is either an unconscious aspect of the personality that the conscious ego does not identify in itself; or the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious. In short, the shadow is the unknown side.

To put it into simple terms how we perceive ourselves, what we are aware of the light, is the conscious mind. 

Everything else, everything we’re unaware of, what we’re ignoring, how we might come off to others, the unintended consequences of our actions is the shadow we cast. This isn’t something I”m making up it’s directly referenced in story. 

The approach of the villains have multiple times been compared to shadows stretching and growing deeper, this is Jungian symbolism. 

The emperor of Fallen Light, the villain that Dabi himself sent after Endeavor said word for word “His shining Light beckons the dark.” This is a story idea that’s been set up for awhile, Endeavor’s light is a false light. He is a good hero, the best there is currently, but calling him a hero requires ignoring everything he has done to his family. Most of the people who call Endeavor a hero have no idea what he did to his family, and even most of his family is just trying to forget and move on with their lives. 

Endeavor’s redemption so far has been a false one, it hinges on everybody else wanting to just move on with their lives, and everyone else being forgiving towards his actions. I’m not saying that Endeavor’s wish to atone isn’t genuine, I’m saying the story has been setting up an arc of false light. We are shown the light of his actions, his desire to redeem himself, his desire to be a hero that Shoto can look up to, and we ignore the shadow. 

There’s a duality to Endeavor. Technically there’s a duality to everyone. There’s the light, and the dark. To put it in less abstract terms, even within good intentions there can be hidden bad intentions. A person who gives to charity might just be doing it to make themselves feel like they’re a good person. There’s even an episode of friends about this, Phoebe gets in an argument with somebody that even “charitable” deeds like giving awaay money can be a little selfish because helping others makes you feel good about yourself, so she tries the whole episode to find a truly selfless action. 

There’s a duality to Endeavor, there are two Endeavors, Endeavor the hero, and Endeavor the bad dad. They are both Endeavor in the end, he is all of his good actions and bad actions. Focusing only on his bad actions, or only on his good actions would be an incorrect reading of his character. 

What I’m saying is, this idea has been building up in the story for a long time. This duality in Endeavro’s character. He is a hero capable of villainous things. However, the public, Endeavor’s own family, and characters like Midoriya and All Might only really ever see the good side to Endeavor’s actions. They all look at the light, at Endeavor the hero. 

For the most part Endeavor has not been confronted by consequences for his actions. Yes, Endeavor tries to listen when Natsuo expresses his hurt feelins. Yes, Endeavor realizes his family might want to live without him in the house. However, as opposed to Dabi who has been hated as a villain by all of society for the crimes he has committed, Endeavor is still getting the hero treatment. The worst Endeavor has to come against is his own children’s hurt feelings at his actions. Even then, Natsuo has somebody like Fuyumi constantly pushing him to try to reconcile with his father. He has Endeavor violating his boundaries, and hugging him. Rather than criticizing Endeavor for what he did, most of the criticism falls on Natsuo for not moving on. Like, what Endeavor did is just something that happened in the past that they all have to move on from. He still has the respect of his peers, he still has his position in society, he still has the title of Number One Hero. 

This happens because everybody looks at Endeavor, and they’re all blinded by the light, they only see his good deeds and not his bad ones. This isn’t a post debating whether or not Endeavor earned or deserves his punishment, or whether require punishment, it’s just an argument that there are consequences to your actions. That’s Dabi. He’s consequences. Everyone around Endeavor has been repressing their feelings. The Todorokis are asked to repress their personal hurt over the past for the sake of moving forward. 

 Dabi is the shadow that Endeavor casts. There is a villain in Endeavor’s actions. As long as Endeavor ignores that, as long as he keeps seeing himself in only a heroic life, that villain is only going to manifest elsewhere. In a story, repression does not work, simply ignoring your problems does not work. If a character ignores their shadow that shadow manifests and takes on a life of it’s own. 

Dabi is a response to those repressed feelings. Not only is he a repsonse to them, he’s an inevitable result of them. No child abuse doesn’t usually turn abuse victims into murderers. That’s also, not the point. The point is this is a story, Endeavor tried to just bury the past, and Dabi, rose from the grave and said “No, I don’t think the past is better off buried. I think we should talk about it.” 

2. The Monster

“People like to think their actions are free from guilt but they’re not-” This is once again more Jungian symbolism. People want to believe they are on the whole good and well-intentioned people. People want to believe they are better than they are. 

Dabi has been hurt. Burned even. While Endeavor only looks at the best of himself, his heroic intentions, his ambition to become number one, Dabi sees not only the worst in himself, but the worst in his father, the worst in everyone. 

The reason people identify with Dabi is not because they think murderers are sexy (but let’s admit it they are) it’s because Dabi as a character is made up of hurt feelings. He has been burned. He doesn’t forgive the people who burned him. He represents a darker, rawer side to human emotion. Sometimes abuse doesn’t make people poor innocent victims, it’s just pain, sometimes nothing constructive or good comes out of it. Sometimes it’s just damage, to you, and everybody around you. 

Putting aside the fact that he’s a murderer (hey I acknowledged it, look at me acknowledging it), Dabi is also written as a character to embody the worst parts of abuse. The negative emotions that Dabi feels are real. Dabi’s hurt feelings are just as real, as the good intentions and desire to forgive that family members like Fuyumi and Shoto have. Neither is more valid, more real than the other. 

However, everyone looks at the light, and the shadow is ignored. Dabi’s hurt feelings haven’t even been acknowledged. Not only that, but the feelings of all people hurt tend to get swept under the rug for the sake of “everyone else.” 

When Shigaraki says Heroes have turned a blind-eye to the suffering of others, he doesn’t mean that heroes don’t try their hardest to save people, or that heroes never save people. He’s saying that the characters in the story are repressing their issues instead of confronting them, and repression makes people ignorant instead of being able to truly address the problem. Now, connect that back to Dabi, who is the shadow of his father’s actions. 

Toya himself is someone in the story who has been “forgotten.” We see Fuyumi praying at his shrine, as well as Endeavor, Natsuo can’t bring himself to forgive Endeavor because of his feelings over Toya. Yes, yes, yes. However. One, the number one hero had his son die and nobody even investigated into those situation. Two, nobody even talks about it nowadays. Shoto brings up his older brother’s death at the dinner table like it’s just an awkward subject he’s uncomfortable talking about... not you know, a tragedy. 

And I’m not saying that Shoto is in the wrong here. I don’t mean to demonize his response. I’m suggesting he’s repressed. He’s repressing his hurt feelings about the brother he never got a chance to meet, his two other siblings, his mother, all of that to continue to work with his father because he wants to move forward with his dream, and probably because if he tried facing all of that it would hurt a lot. 

However, it’s still the tendency of all the characters on the heroic side to repress things, and look at that from Dabi’s point of view. His own family members don’t even recognize him because of a few scars on his face. 

It’s lonely. At the very least it’s lonely and serves to isolate Dabi in his grief further. Push him to believing that he really did die alone and was going to get forgotten, that his survival is just a hindrance that prevents everything in his family from moving forward. Dabi is made up of hurt feelings, and Dabi without prejudgice takes out those feelings on other people. However, Dabi is still a person. The same way Endeavor is both hero and villain, Dabi is both villain and victim at the same time. Dabi was a ten year old who didn’t really do anything wrong who died, after being ignored by his father his whole life. Dabi is, a zombie that’s barely alive, and constantly killing himself with his own quirk. Dabi’s pain is impossible to ignore, and yet he feels ignored. 

The difference between Dabi and Endeavor is that Dabi is living as a villain, he acknowledges that he is a villain. He’s the only one in the league to show genuine remorse for killing people, crying a tear of blood and trying to dissociate his own feelings of guilt and the past from himself to the point where he remarks he’s going ‘crazy’ thinking about it. (That doesn’t make it okay, but since when is anything ever okay with the Todorokis?) You have a character who knows exactly what he did wrong, confronting a character who for the most part still sees hismelf as a hero. 

Endeavor still sees himself as a hero in this situation. Dabi lives confronting the worst parts of himself (well he’s barely alive but still), he’s stich together scar tissue, and is covered in wounds. He is everything bad that has happened to him. But still, Dabi is at least AWARE. 

Beyond all the other plot details, what he’s doing right now is confrontation of something that Endeavor was previously ignorant of. It’s the crux of Dabi’s speech to Endeavor. What he’s saying is pointing out the dark side of each of Endeavor’s good actions. 

Endeavor becomes the number one hero, which means he finally gets all the praise, acclaim and honor he always thought he was entitled to. This doesn’t mean that Endeavor’s wish to become strong to serve as a supporting pillar for the nation was a lie, but what Dabi says also isn’t a lie either. It’s the hidden dark side of Endeavor’s actions which Endeavor does not acknowledge. 

Endeavor wants to move on and act like a father to his children like twenty years after the fact, and coincidentally this also happens right after being handed everything he wanted on a silver platter. Dabi is pointing out, the negative sides of Endeavor’s actions. Aren’t you just being nice because you’ve gotten everything you’ve wanted now? Don’t you just think you deserve to have your children love you too? 

Dabi is confronting Endeavor with the dark sides of actions so he can no longer remain blind, and he is literally in story an agent of the cosnequences of Endeavor’s actions. Dabi became a villain because Endeavor had a son for the sake of his own selfish desire to get stronger, cast him aside, and then even let Toya die. Even if Endeavor wants to move past that, Toya doesn’t. Because for Toya that defines his whole life. Toya was burned by either Endeavor’s flames, or the fire of his own quirk that Endeavor trained him to use. The reason Toya doesn’t move on is because for him, he can’t move on. Toya is dead. Toya died. Toya is some kind of zombie. And if not a zombie, Toya is dying. All because of what his father did to him. And he gets to see his father move on with his life. Everybody else gets to “Get over” his death with Toya, who is left behind. 

Toya is a frankenstein’s monster, created by Endeavor, abandoned by Endeavor, let loose by Endeavor on the world. In the real world this would be a far more complicated question, but in a story, especially one that references frankenstein directly, Dabi is quite literally “Endeavor’s Monster” running amok. Dabi would not even exist if not for Endeavor’s actions. 

Dabi doesn’t even know why he existed, or why he was brought into this world, because for him, all there’s been is pain. Pain enough to turn his hair white, and burn half of his skin off. 

The same way Endeavor only sees the best of himself, Dabi only sees the worst of himself, the shadow. However, the difference between them is Dabi has grown up mostly in the dark. 

Dabi is a reaction to circumstances. You can say it’s a bad reaction. You can say it’s not justified. You can call him a monster. You’re probably right, but still Dabi did not create those circumstances, Endeavor did, Dabi can only react to them. Dabi is a consequence to everything Endeavor did to his own family. It might be entirely Dabi’s choice how he reacts, and true Dabi did not have to choose to be a murderer, but Dabi also never deserved to be put into this situation in the first place. 

If Dabi is responsible for his reaction, then Endeavor is equally responsible for creating him. It’s something Endavor has to confront, because this ignorance, this represion, it hurts people. Think of Endeavor’s actions a few chapters ago. 

Shigaraki is another victim of an abusive father, just like Dabi. Shigaraki is also lashing out, and trying to bring down the hero society, just like Dabi. Endeavor right up until Dabi arrived, and revealed himself thought he was completely justified in wanting to kill Shigaraki for the sake of everyone. Up until five minutes ago, Endeavor only saw himself as the hero, the light, meant to vanquish the king of evil. 

Endeavor was perfectly willing to kill Shigaraki up until five minutes ago, because he only saw him as a villain. 

And now suddenly Dabi showed up and it got all complicated and shit. However, it was always complicated and shit. The villains were never objectively bad. The heroes were never objectively good. The world wasn’t as black and white as Endeavor saw it. 

Now Endeavor’s good action (saving all of hero society as number one hero), requires something most people would consider to be objectively bad (putting down his own son). 

The personal investment that Enji has in both Toya being his own son, and also his guilt over what he’s done to his family in the past, now make it impossible for Dabi to be just another villain. 

Except Dabi is Shigaraki. Dabi is Shigaraki, Himiko, Twice, Shuichi (not compress tho he’s just in it for the drama of it all). The villains in this story are trying to draw the attention of the heroes to problems within society, problems that have negatively affected them, so they can be fixed. You can’t fix something if you’re blind to it. You can’t deal with something by ignoring it. Dabi’s confrontation isn’t only inevitable, it’s necessary for moving forward. 

The shadow isn’t destroyed or ignored, it’s accepted, because in the end it’s a part of you. You are both everything good about you, and all of your flaws at the same time. Living as a fully rounded person means acknowledging that. 

Enji’s development is about putting his selfish sense of entitlement aside and learning how his actions have impacted others. Here is Dabi, dancing around going “Hey, Dad, this is how your actions have impacted me. Look at my burns.” 

Confrontation is good. The hurt feelings that have been repressed should be expressed. 

 If Enji had continued on being ignorant, he would have unknowingly torched his own son, and just seen him as another one of the villains. Isn’t that the worst possible result? Beyond hero and villain, isn’t a father killing his own son tragic? 

Dabi’s personal revenge is wrong. His decision to lash out is wrong. His obvious desire to kill himself, and then his own father isn’t just wrong, it’s unhealthy. Trying to burn yourself alive and be a martyr to a cause because you think there’s no good reason for you to be alive, and you’re going to die anyway no matter what you do - is in fact a bad coping mechanism. 

Dabi is wrong, however, ignoring what happened to him is also wrong. It’s all wrong. Trying to repress those hurt feelings is just as unhealthy a coping mechanism, as lashing out with them. 

Dabi is all hurt feelings, yes, he can’t forgive and he can’t forget, but maybe some things like the past shouldn’t be forgotten. Rather than ignoring the past you can acknowledge it, learn from it,  reincorporate it into who you are now, because the past is just as much of a part of the present as Dabi’s burnt skin and scars are a part of who he is now. 

[davidmann95]

I’m sure I’m not the first person to ask this, but what did you think of the “The Batman” trailer?

Actually, you were! And I was thrilled from jump by the panel; it being reiterated once again that this is a detective movie first and foremost, Bruce Wayne psychology, Batman working out the long-term logistics of his crime-fighting operation as a viable antidote to Gotham’s corruption, lots of the history of the city, ordinary citizens having understandably complicated feelings on this guy, filming in Liverpool for the Gotham-appropriate architecture with the skyscrapers CGed in, and citing Darwyn Cooke’s criminally overlooked Batman: Ego as an inspiration for this take on the character. Plus the leaked pic of Pattinson’s Bruce Wayne with the mask off but the eyeshadow still applied, which forced me to uncomfortably reckon with my newfound reality where I find my hero, Batman, searingly hot. I was very content and looking forward to the 5 seconds or so of footage we’d get.

AND THEN

I am utterly head-over-heels in a way I cannot remember the last time a movie trailer brought me to, my already unrealistic hopes and expectations left in the dust. This is, if you’ll pardon the inherent dismissiveness, a real movie as opposed to a standard superhero flick, isn’t it? I gotta break up my thoughts here:

* The Virgin, normal Batman: I quest for justice, yet, in my selfsame thirst for vengeance, am I not as mad as those I fight? Gaze ye not into the abyss lest-

The Chad, Battinson: *Punches goon 11 times, only pausing a second to break his arm, while unquestionably nursing an erection that could puncture titanium*

I know I said with the costume reveal clip that this was a Batman who’s finally putting the previously subtextual sexual charge of a traumatized man in a black form-fitting animal-themed uniform exorcising his demons through violence on full display, but good lord. I thought Tom King had the last word anybody really could on “hey, maybe Batman’s kind of messed up?” - and for the better, that seemed like a vein run entirely dry even if King mustered up interesting final thoughts - but it’s now clear that our ideas of what constitutes fucked-up were crushingly limited. Luckily, Robert Pattinson’s vision of a beautiful leather emo punch-loving freak has come through to show us a new way altogether, and I look forward to whatever kind of character journey to apparently something a little more traditional the creators have in mind.

* Speaking of Pattinson, this isn’t the sort of thing I tend to notice in particular much less talk up, but his physical presence here is palpable and on-point - his stillness is uncomfortable, punctuated by bursts of horrific brutality. I absolutely believe that this is a man who traveled to the corners of the world to master every aspect of the martial disciplines, honing his mind and instincts to the peak of human perfection, just as much in order to find the self-control to not constantly slaughter people in his rage as anything else. He feels like the latter-day Frank Miller take on Batman as an absolute maniac, but honed to such a razor’s edge and tempered by a discipline that makes it work played straight. For that matter his ‘Batman voice’ feels like a cleaner, more powerful version of what Keaton was going for, the costume looks excellent in motion, and he manages some top-shelf brooding at the end there. He could easily end up my favorite live-action Batman, he’s immediately clicking with me in the same way Hoechlin did as Superman.

(Side note, it’s especially a hilarious contrast that now Keaton’s Batman, who Burton tried to play up as SUCH a WEIRDO, is now gonna be the Batman of the shared DCEU as a return to something more traditional, while in the corner there’s...this guy.)

* The comparisons to Nolan are overt and powerful, to the point people are saying on Twitter that this is the Batman vs. Riddler trilogy capper they’d expected of that series immediately post-The Dark Knight. But while I can’t imagine it’ll manage the lightning-in-a-bottle topicality and beautifully tight structure that managed, for the most part I feel like the comparisons come out very much in favor of The Batman? The cinematography is gorgeous, the fights actually look great, Gotham is Gotham, the costume’s so much better, and it not only seems to go farther in gritty realism but at the same time is much more open-seeming to weird Batman gimmickyness with its artfully choreographed riddle-murders literally addressed to the local crimefighter and roving gangs of Joker goons (which implies Pattinson has already thrown down with him); if nothing else, it deserves all the credit in the world for pulling off the latter contrast without looking totally ridiculous. But above all, there’s an atmosphere here, a vibe, that simply strikes me as far more potent.

* A dude on Twitter cracked Riddler’s code!

* And finally, I initially went “if this is gonna be a trilogy the way they’re saying, it should end on R.I.P.” on Twitter because I felt it was a mass-media version of the character that could finally nail that tone and setup, and what the hell does this dude when he’s full-on Zur-En-Arrh look like? But then I put together that apparently a lot of the mystery here is about Gotham’s history and how the Wayne family played into it, so absolutely it would be fair game for it to end on R.I.P. and while I know it’s a bad idea to set expectations against fan theories this is now ALL I WANT. And in an act of supreme coolness, @RES_comics on Twitter put this little beauty together in response:

So yeah, this is as they say clean and rad and powerful. Turns out that Batman fella, he keeps coming back in stuff for a reason, and the reason is that he rules! Already like it more on the strength of this than the whole collective DCEU - which has multiple very good movies at this point - and I cannot imagine it won’t end up at worst my fourth-favorite Batman movie (second if you’re sticking purely to live-action). Glad they’re immediately applying their “we’re gonna do stuff outside the shared universe with more radical, idiosyncratic visions” approach to their biggest name in such a big way and by all appearances having it so profoundly pay off.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Facing the Unknown

Characters: Spencer Reid x Winchester!Reader, Jennifer Jareau, Derek Morgan, Castiel, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, demons

Word Count: 3,583

Warnings: supernatural/criminal minds crossover, angst, fluff, nothing too bad

Summary: A case pops up to the infamous BAU city. Demons doesn’t mix well with real FBI agents, but you manage to save them all just fine.

Squares Filled: crime scene for @cmbingo // flattery will get you nowhere for @as-the-saying-goes-bingo // bleeding through the bandages in @badthingshappenbingo // enochian for my first heaven and hell bingo card // case fic for @heavenandhellbingo​

Author’s Note: If you have any requests, please send them in! this is unbeta’d and every mistake is all on me.

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

You can figure out a lot of things: why you don’t have the body you really want (you love pizza too damn much), why Dean doesn’t like to talk about his feelings (daddy issues), why Sam drank demon blood (Ruby made him do it), and why you can’t ever stop hunting (there will always be monsters). The only things you can’t figure out are angels and demons, more so the former.

Out of all the monsters you’ve dealt with, angels are the worst. They have a tendency to stick their noses in everyone’s business whether they are involved or not. Demons have a reason to do the exact same thing: they are spawns of Satan himself so they love to cause trouble and chaos. Angels just do it because they have nothing better to do. The only angel you like is Castiel, and even then it’s 50/50.

You’ve learned to love hunting. You know you’re going to spend the rest of your life doing it, so you may as well get along with the lifestyle instead of fighting it. Sam and Dean have learned the same lesson as you, so you’re not fazed when Sam says, “so get this”. You’ve adjusted to spending a few hours dedicated to sleep that having back to back hunts don’t even faze you anymore. However, this hunt, this specific hunt, has already drained your batteries and you’ve just started.

You stare at the dead body in front of you inside the morgue. There are three dead bodies with Enochian carved into their skin. Each of them is males and each of them has the same symbol on their chests. Castiel swears the angels have nothing to do with what’s been happening in this small town. Only men have been dropping dead for no reason. The angel thinks the demons are responsible for it, but you don’t know why they are carving Enochian symbols on their chests. They must be getting ready for some kind of ritual or spell, but Castiel doesn’t know what kind of ritual or spell that would need Enochian symbols on humans.

“How many more people have to die for us to understand what these demons are doing?” you ask with a sigh.

“This symbol means to summon death,” Castiel informs.

“Summon death? What, they can’t use speed dial? What do they want with Death?” Dean asks.

“If I knew that, then we would be able to stop them,” Castiel says. “However, the demons aren’t showing themselves until it’s too late. If we are going to try and stop them, then we need to get inside their heads before they make their next move.”

“Well, we have pictures of everything, so I say we grab some take out and beer, and think about this at the motel,” you suggest.

“I second that,” Your eldest brother grins.

“Shotgun!” you yell as you race to the car.

“Hey!” Sam scoffs.

“Sorry Sammy, you snooze you lose!” you stick your tongue out at him and get in through the passenger side.

After everyone is in, Dean peels out of the parking lot and heads straight to the best burger joint in this city. Something you and your brother like to do is to scope out the best burger places before starting the case. You’d cruise with him throughout the town and gather intel from the locals before trying the top three. The best, so far, has been Joe’s Burger Joint that has the juiciest meat you’ve ever tasted. You’ve begged the owner to give you the recipe so that Dean can make it back at the Bunker. However, he hasn’t given it up just yet.

Once you have the food in your possession, Dean heads back to the motel room. Castiel doesn’t eat (that’s another thing you couldn’t figure out) so he just sits on the bed while you and your brothers take up the small tab;e by the window. He’s staring intently at the pictures while you eat your burger. The TV is on a news channel, but it’s at a low volume so it’s not too distracting. You thought it was a good idea to put it on in case there might be another death regarding your angelic symbols.

“I can’t believe you don’t like meat, Sammy,” you groan after swallowing the delicious bite.

“I do like meat. I just don’t treat it like it’s going out of style,” he says in disgust as you and Dean scarf down your food.

“More for us,” Dean says with his mouth full.

It’s all smiles and jokes now until you get a glimpse at the TV. On the news is a headline stating there has been another body. However, it’s all the way across the fucking country. All the deaths so far have been in Texas, so why is there a new one in Virginia?

“Guys, look,” you state once your mouth is clear of food.

All heads turn to the TV and you turn it up.

“FBI officials have stated that the recent deaths in Texas may be linked to the newest one. Authorities haven’t commented on what’s been going on, but that doesn’t stop the public from speculating. There are a bunch of questions still left to be answered, so all we can do now is wait. Jim, back to you,” the female reporter states.

“Why are they targeting people in Virginia now?” you wonder.

“Maybe we’ve been looking at this wrong. Maybe it’s not the town they are interested in, but the people,” Castiel says.

“Let’s hope that by the time we get there the FBI hasn’t already contaminated the crime scene. I may act like one, but they are the real dicks,” you scoff.

“I can get us there in a few seconds if you prefer,” Castiel stands up.

“That’s one of the very few good things about you,” you smile. “No offense.”

“None taken.”

“Okay, let’s get this show on the road,” Dean declares.

Dean made Castiel bring baby along since he didn’t want to be thousands of miles away from her. It was a lot harder to conceal a big fucking car as it appears out of thin air, but Castiel picked a good spot to go to. The crime scene isn’t that far from where you are, and you’re thankful you got dressed in your FBI get up before leaving. You know you’ll be here for the rest of the night, so you went online and bought two rooms at a small hotel that’s near the crime scene. One for you and the other one for your brothers. Castiel doesn’t need one since he doesn’t sleep. It’s best to think ahead.

Dean rushes over to the crime scene which is thankfully still intact. A handful of FBI agents are still inside, but it looks like most of the general population has lost interest. There is only one standard FBI car in the driveway, so you’re not too worried about having to trick only a few of them. Your surrogate dad is only a phone call away if these guys question who you are. You get out of the car and make your way inside.

“When I said that the FBI are dicks, I forgot to mention hot because damn, he is fine,” you whistle lowly to your eldest brother when you spot a very attractive agent in the room.

He has brown curly hair that looks a little messy, but a put-together messy. He’s very tall but not as tall as Sam. He’s probably the same height as Dean. You can’t hear what he saying to his fellow agents, but you can hear the sound of his voice. It’s not deep at all, but it does make your knees weak. You have never seen a more perfect human being on this planet. If things go south, then you’ll be sure to protect him.

“Keep it in your pants, sister,” Dean grumbles just as one of the agents noticed the newcomers.

“Who are you?” a black man asks as he reaches for his gun.

He, the very attractive man, and a petite blonde woman all stare at you, the angel, and your brothers.

“This is a closed crime scene,” the blonde woman says.

“We’re agents Barry Young, Frank Bartley, Madison Grey, and Jason Brown. We’ve been sent here to check out the crime,” you state and show them your badges as does everyone else.

“We weren't informed of another team coming down here. You mind if I speak to your supervisor?” the black man asks.

“Sure,” you say and hand him Bobby’s card.

He takes it and steps off to the side.

“Who are you guys?” you ask.

“I’m Jennifer Jareau, that’s Derek Morgan, and this is Dr. Spencer Reid. We’re from the BAU right here in Quantico” the blonde says.

“Ooh, the cute one has a cute name. And he’s a doctor,” you grin.

“Excuse me?” Spencer stutters.

“You’ll have to excuse her. She can’t seem to put a cork in it,” Dean chuckles.

“What?” you scoff and turn to Spencer with a sweet smile. “So, what are you a doctor for?”

“It’s PhDs, actually. Three of them, not a medical one.”

“So, if I collapsed right here and now, you wouldn't give me mouth-to-mouth?” you pout teasingly.

“I know CPR,” he mutters and you just smirk.

“You’re cute when you blush,” you comment and turn to Jennifer. “I hope he’s not your boyfriend.”

“No, I’m married,” she chuckles.

“Do you have a girlfriend, doctor?” you ask.

“No,” he chuckles.

“This must be my lucky day then,” you grin.

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” he states.

“Then I guess I’ll have to work extra hard for your attention.”

“I don’t know who you guys think you are, but you’re not FBI,” Derek says when he steps back into the room.

Both Jennifer and Spencer tense when they realize you’re pretending to be FBI agents.

“That’s a federal offense, do you realize that?” he says with a hard glare.

“Look, we can explain,” Dean starts to say.

However, every single light in this house turned off, shrouding you eight in complete darkness. The only light available is coming from the moon outside.

“Are there more of you?” Derek demands to know and takes out his gun.

“They’re here,” Castiel says.

“The demons? Why?”

“I’m not sure. We’re on their territory.”

“Okay, listen,” you turn to the real FBI agents. “We’re not FBI, but we are going to save your life if you listen to what we say. These bodies that have been turning up are because demons are carving Enochian symbols on these people’s chests. We don’t know why, but they’re up to something big. So, for your safety, listen to what we say,” you explain quickly.

“Like hell we’re taking orders from you,” Jennifer growls.

“Castiel,” a demon says from the corner of the room where the body is. “Surprised to see you here.”

“You’re carving Enochian symbols. Of course, I’d be here.”

“Where did he come from?” Derek demands.

“Okay, we need to go. Please, just follow me,” you urge and grab Spencer and Jennifer’s wrists.

You drag both agents to the door but stop short when another demon pops up.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he chuckles and walks inside.

“This battle is between you and me. Let them go,” you glare.

“I don’t think so,” he growls.

He clenches his right hand into a fist, and your throat starts to close up. He raises you off the ground using his demonic powers, and you have no choice but to take it.

“You see, we have a few more people to claim as our own, but I can see you brought us some toys to play with,” he grins maliciously.

“How is he doing that?” Spencer whispers to his colleagues.

“Go to hell,” you bite back.

“Been there, done that. But I’ll send you,” he laughs and throws you across the room and into the dining room table.

“Leave her alone!” Spencer yells and raises his gun at the man. He shoots him in the head, but it does nothing. The host inside the body is already dead. “What the hell?”

The demon uses his powers to lift all three people and throw them in the same direction as you. They collide with the wall in a loud thump.

“No!” you grunt and force yourself to your feet.

“What the hell is that?” Derek yells.

“A demon! I wasn’t lying before. They’re here for the body. My brothers and I are hunters. We deal with this shit all the time. Come on, follow me!” you urge and help them up.

They don’t argue with you after seeing what just happened. You lead them to the kitchen and rummage through the cabinets until you see the salt. You grab a few containers and gather the agents to the middle of the room. You begin to pour a circle around their feet despite them yelling at you to tell them what’s going on.

“Just stay in here! Do not pass over the salt line. They can’t get you in here. I promise,” you beg.

“That’s not going to stop me from getting to them,” the same demon grins from the door.

“Dean!” you yell.

“We’re kind of busy!” he shouts back, but the shout turns int a groan at the end.

There must be more demons now than the two that showed up.

You reach behind you to take out Ruby’s knife since you’re the one who holds onto it. Your dad trained your brothers how to shoot guns, and he trained you how to fight with a knife. You know how to shoot guns, but your specialty is knives, so Sam trusted you with Ruby’s knife. You barely have a grip on the handle when the demon flings you across the room and into some cabinets. You feel something pierce your side, and you look back to see the knife block containing the kitchen knives have fallen. One fell right int your side, but you have to ignore the pain if you’re going to help the agents. Spencer starts to move out of the circle, but you put your left hand up to stop him.

“No! Don’t leave the circle!” you yell and yank out the knife.

“I can make you come out, you know,” the demon chuckles as his eyes turn pitch black.

“Get the hell away from them!” you yell.

You grab one of the kitchen knives and throw it at the demon. It lands right in the middle of his back, and he just sighs and turns to you. You grab some paper towels and press them against your wound, using the waistband of your pants to keep it in place. Spencer’s eyes widen when he sees the man isn’t affected by the knife in his back. You reach for Ruby’s knife and reveal it, twirling it in your hands.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” you grunt.

Your wound is bleeding profoundly, but you’ve lost more blood than this and still could fight. You’re going to be okay.

“I wasn’t trying to, but maybe I should,” he growls.

He runs at you, and you swipe the knife across his arm as you pass by him. He yells out in pain, but that only makes him angrier. You almost slide right into the salt circle, but Spencer reaches out to stop you before you had a chance to ruin it. Without saying anything else, you charge at the demon once more and pounce on his back. He struggles to get you off him, but you’re not in the mood to play games. You swing the knife right into his chest, and he cries out in pain. His entire skeleton glows bright orange as he dies, and he collapses to the ground like dead weight.

“Dean!” you yell.

“We’re okay. We took care of them. One of them got away with the body, but the rest are dead,” he says as he, Sam, and Castiel walk into the kitchen.

“You guys came come out now,” you whisper as you fall back into the kitchen table.

Spencer rushes over to you and lifts up your shirt to see your blood staining the paper towels.

“We need to get you to the hospital.”

“No. There are too many dead bodies here. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re bleeding out, Madison.”

“My name is Y/N Winchester. It’s only fair that you know,” you cough.

“Come here,” Dean says and helps you sit on the table.

“Is she going to be okay?” Jennifer asks.

“I’ll heal her,” Castiel says and walks over to you.

He presses two fingers to your forehead, and your wound disappears. Your side is only bloody from your blood, but the wound is gone. Spencer, Derek, and Jennifer back away slowly.

“That’s not possible,” she says.

“It is. You’ve just been living inside a bubble for your entire lives. You deal with serial killers and human predators. We deal with the supernatural and monsters. We’re not so different. Those were demons and they’ve carved angelic symbols into the victim’s chests. Castiel is an angel. Monsters do exist, but you don’t have to worry about that because we take care of it. I’m sorry we brought the battle to you,” you reveal.

“What are we going to tell Hotch?” Derek asks his team.

“Tell him or don’t. I wouldn’t. The supernatural isn’t something that needs to be broadcasted. If people find out, then they panic, and panic and chaos are made for monsters. People become vulnerable. If you want to know more about how you can help or if you want to determine if your case is human or not, then we’ll tell you more, but leave the supernatural to us.”

“Come on, we got to go,” Dean urges.

“I’ll take care of the bodies,” Castiel says and touches the dead one on the kitchen floor.

He disappears with the body and all three agents jump back from shock.

“I’ll be right there,” you say to your brothers.

“Good luck with this one,” he scoffs at Spencer before taking his leave with Sam.

“I need to call Hotch anyway and tell him why we’re going to be late,” Derek says and leaves as well.

“I’m going to go with him,” Jennifer smiles and exits the kitchen so it’s just you and Spencer now.

“It’s a shame that I won’t have more time trying to woo you, but here’s my number. Call me whenever you’re curious,” you say and hand him one of your cards.

“I can’t believe this is all real.”

“Believe it gorgeous. The world is a scary place. You know this because humans are ruthless. Monsters are worse. Don’t let it get to you.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Since I could walk. Don’t waste your tears on me. My family is all sorts of messed up, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t want to see a frown line on that pretty face.”

“Okay,” he chuckles.

“Damn, you really have it all. Great hair, gorgeous eyes, and a stunning smile. You must get all the ladies.”

“It’s less than you think.”

“Well, official count me as one. We have more hunts to do, but we are spending the night in this town. It’d be a shame if I didn’t get to say goodbye to you properly. I’ll be having my own room away from my brothers. I’d hate to spend it alone,” you flirt.

“That’s good to know,” he chuckles nervously.

“I know we just met, but I’d beat myself up if I didn’t do this,” you say.

You grab his cheeks and pull him down to you, placing your lips over his. It’s not weird for you to kiss someone you just met. Meeting guys in bars and playing pool with them does have its advantages. Apparently, this isn’t something new with Spencer because as soon as your lips touched his, his whole demeanor changed. He grips your hair in his hands and kisses you with passion. He doesn’t know why he’s behaving this way to a woman he just met, but there has been fire between you two ever since your initial contact.

His lips move smoothly over yours, and you open your mouth to grant his access. His tongue slips in for a brief moment before you pull away. There are about two inches of space between you two, and you look into his lust-blown eyes.

“You really know how to kiss,” you whisper.

“That’s not the only thing I know how to do.”

“Please come to my hotel room. I bet I can get my brothers to stay an extra day. I’m staying at the Suburban Extended Stay Hotel room 318. Do you need me to write it down?”

“No, I got it,” he shakes his head.

“Then I’ll be waiting,” you smirk and lean up to his ear to whisper to him. “Bring your handcuffs.”

You pull away from him with a wink and leave the kitchen. He doesn’t know who you are, but he likes the kind of woman you are. He normally doesn’t go out with women like you, but there is something exciting inside you. He’s definitely going to visit you tonight, and he’s definitely going to make sure you remember him well after you two have already parted ways.

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[medea10]

Medea’s Worst Year of All-Time Anime/Game Superlative

Nobody saw this year coming…except for maybe Barbara Walters! Who could have predicted that this year would bless us with Australia burning, the entire west coast of the U.S. set on fire, stupid people setting fires because they wanted to reveal a baby’s gender, murder hornets, Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying, an almost war with Iran, serial killer mascots arrested, policemen killing unarmed black folks for having a counterfit $20, policemen killing unarmed black folks for breaking up a fight, policemen killing black folks for holding sandwiches, policemen killing unarmed black folks for fucking sleeping, a wide variety of “Karens” coming out of the woodworks, the end of Bojack, the end of Steven Universe, the end of Empire, and a pandemic so huge it’s killed the economy, canceled fun, and given the U.S. president the dumb-fuck idea of injecting bleach to kill the virus!?

SERIOUSLY, WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED ALL OF THIS WAS GOING TO FALL IN OUR LAPS LIKE HOT COFFEE ON THE CROTCH?!

At least there was anime this year.

…

At least there was SOME anime this year.

…

Biden won the election and Vickeblanca came out with Black Catcher this year.

Hey internet, it’s Medea here to give you her trashy opinion on this years anime and games that she’s watched or played. Because for some reason, my loser-ass loves to do out-dated as fuck memes! I shouldn’t complain, this shit brings a lot of attention to my page every year when I do this. Yes, 2020 was a complete dumpster fire so large that Domestic Girlfriend is crying foul. Many of us had to go on lockdown and ended up binge-watching the entire 957+ episodes of One Piece. I did no such thing. I am one of those “essential workers” so I didn’t hunker down for 9 months straight. But when I was home, I was watching anime. Actually, I would have done that even without the pandemic. I’m an introvert and find the human race to be deplorable.

You all know how this goes. I go over the best this year had to offer me. I had to search really hard to find the good in this year, especially in the anime world. Many things had to be put on hiatus or were delayed to a later date. Just a reminder, I don’t discriminate in what year the anime or game came out. If something came out in the happier times of 2007, that anime or game counts! Let’s get at it!

First Fandom of 2020: Interspecies Reviewers

Did anyone expect a fan-favorite of 2020 was going to be a hentai? Did anyone have on their batshit 2020 bingo card that a hentai was going to grab everybody’s attention? At the beginning of the year, my mind was set on the Railgun sequel and Eizoken. It wasn’t until licensors, streaming sites, and TV stations in Japan dropped this series that I started to pay attention. And got immediately hooked! It’s about three men going to different brothels and reviewing their time with the ladies. And these ladies are of different species! So with every bang comes possible enlightenment, new kinks, or a night of having your dick sucked off more than humanly possible. This anime blew away all of my skepticism and first impressions right out the window. Maybe it’s because I’m a degenerate and am often curious about sexual content, but this was a guilty pleasure of mine this year.

Favorite Main Character of 2020: Moroha from Yashahime

I know the majority of this story is going to revolve around Towa and Setsuna, but can we please focus a little more energy on the spunky, quarter-demon girl?! I know they’re pitting Moroha as the comic relief, but I’m hopeful that she’s going to surprise us one day. We fans of InuYasha would spend the past decade and some change wondering what InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter would be like. This year, we got our answer with Moroha. She’s got this wild side to her, probably due to the fact that she’s spent her entire life on her own. And while she’s silly at times, she can get down to business in a pinch. She has her father’s sense of smell. She has a sword. She’s able to shoot sacred arrows much like her mother. And to top it all off, she has this special rouge that if she puts it on, she’s able to unleash that ¼ demon power inside her and become Beniyasha! Yeah, I know the power only lasts a minute, she’s only 14, give her a break! I will gladly go through another week scratching my head at the confusion this story gives me if I get to see one more second of Moroha and her crazy antics or her bad-ass slaying.

Favorite Villain of 2020: The Devil Believers from Black Clover

This was one hell of a year for Black Clover. It would have been an easy choice to pick the devil and possible super devil that appeared during the elf fight. But I’d like to give a nod to the filler arc villains. And you can’t blame this group for wanting the power of the devil. They’re literally the bottom-rung of the Clover Kingdom and ones with little to no power or mana. So I can agree with why they would want the power of the devil. For one thing, they’d have more power. And for another thing, they’d be able to exact revenge on those who have wronged them. On some occasions I agree with exacting revenge and when it comes to the nobles and some characters in Black Clover, some folks do deserve death. I mean, have you met the king of the Clover Kingdom? Plus, this town and many other poorer towns get looked over by the kingdom. Peasant uprise! Anyways, I thought these people were really crafty in their crimes. I mean, they were able to knock Asta out on his ass with specially made poisons. I was actually hooked to this story of Black Clover (despite it being a filler arc). I know we’ll never see them again as they have been exiled, but it did have me semi-rooting for them.

Favorite Video Game Character of 2020: Honey from Pokemon – Sword & Shield (Expansion Pass)

Sorry Raymond from Animal Crossing!

Honey is the saucy wife of Mustard…I did not expect that to come out the way it did, but here we are! She has one hell of a team you can fight once a day. She looks out for her husband, the dojo, and the students of the dojo like they were her own children by providing food, drinks, and others. However that does come at a price as you do have to give up a sizable chunk of your watts that you collect in raid dens. I’m sure a bunch of MILF chasers were more than happy enough to give her all their hard-earned watts just so they can have their one-on-one moment on the beach with Honey.

What won me over was when that one guy from a rival dojo bad-mouthed her husband’s dojo and she…I think she kicked this guy’s ass herself. I don’t think she used any of her pokemon. Game Freak won’t show it, but we all know she kicked this guy’s ass to a point where he’s begging for mercy.

Honey, for the win!

Favorite Game of 2020: Animal Crossing New Horizons

This game was just Zen for me. I know the release of this game came with some controversy like Gamestop saying it’s an essential business and will remain open for people to get their copies of the game. Hell, I was one of those assholes in line waiting to get a copy on March 20th. Did I predict that a pandemic was going to rage out of control when I got a prepay copy of this for Christmas 2019? NO! I only predict political things, not deadly pandemics! The good news, we social distanced, didn’t catch the covid and got the game.

Anyways, this game has been a non-stop calming and fun ride. I can even forgive their botch-up of Bunny Day. They even have events for holidays I never thought they would ever touch. I mean, does anybody know when Museum Day is? Probably not until Animal Crossing had an event for it! I’ve been able to let my freak-flag fly with designing my island. And this goes way beyond New Leaf for the 3DS. I can make a sign post with the words “Fuck Trump” on it and post it in my yard. I can dig up trees and plant them elsewhere. I can poop in a toilet. I can craft furniture and put my own design on it. My furniture can have Tracey Sketchit’s beautiful mug on it. I can sit on Tracey Sketchit’s face. I am a sick fuck and I don’t care. I can give Raymond and Bob maid outfits. Magical time in my game! My hopes for next year…I don’t know, get the Festivale furniture, get Papi and Olivia to join my island, maybe visit Danny Trejo’s island, who knows, sky’s da limit!

Favorite Het Couple of 2020: Nasa and Tsukasa Yuzaki from Tonikawa

This is one of the most unorthodox marriages I’ve ever seen. But in this 90 Day Fiance world we’re living in, I shouldn’t pass judgement on these two getting married in episode one and not knowing much about each other. Nasa meets Tsukasa as he was about to be plowed by a truck. Tsukasa saves his life. Nasa says she’s beautiful. Tsukasa says she’ll be his girlfriend if they get married. He agrees. She disappears. Four years later, Tsukasa appears in front of Nasa’s front door with a marriage registration form. Congratulations buddy, you’ve got yourself a waifu! In some way, this felt like watching Yamato and Takeo from My Love Story. I was fascinated with them progressing through their relationship. The only difference is that Yamato and Takeo took the old-fashioned route. This couple did everything ass-backwards in terms of having a relationship. But I couldn’t take my eyes off Nasa and Tsukasa’s relationship during each episode. I find them cute.

Favorite Yuri Couple of 2020: Karin Asaka x Emma Verde from Love Live Nijigasaki High School Idol Club

AAAAAAAAAH! I’M IN IDOL HELL AGAIN! Yeah, no kidding! I came this close to putting Miu x Nicole from that abomination 22/7. But thank God for Love Live! There’s no telling if any of the girls from the Love Live franchise are confirmed to be lesbians. But fuck it, all of them attend all-girl schools, no males exist anywhere, and Sunshine gave us Kanan x Mari! Yeah, you know Kanan and Mari is canon as fuck, don’t at me. So naturally, I found more third-years to ship in the new Love Live series. Now I know I should have put up Ai x Rina or Ayumu x Yuu. Especially the latter due to recent events! But Emma x Karin is my OTP.

Now Emma is an exchange student from Switzerland and in coming to Nijigasaki, she first meets Karin and they became instant friends. When Emma said she wants to become an idol, Karin helped her quite a bit. Even though Karin had no interest in being an idol as her modeling career is starting up, Karin would occasionally help Emma out. And surprise, surprise, Karin ends up fascinated with the idol world and Emma helps her come to the light to be herself there. Okay, I’m totally reading this in some fragmented way, but I’m currently playing Love Live School Idol Festival All Stars and the app game has a lot more stuff involving stuff the anime has yet to talk about. Confirmed or not, Karin x Emma for the win!

Favorite Yaoi Couple of 2020: Eiji Okumura x Ash Lynx from Banana Fish

It took me a while to get here, but I finally made it to 2018’s overlooked gem. Forgive me for not being fully caught up, but from what I’m watching at the moment, I’m sticking to my guns and supporting the hell out of this. I mean, I could have mentioned The Titan’s Bride here…but fuck no, I ain’t goin’ down that mess! Ash has gone through a lot, I mean a helluva lot in his past. His cute boy looks have made him a target on the streets of New York, with mafia dons, and with prison inmates. But dude can kill if you mess with him. Then you have Eiji, who is just a literal example of a “pure cinnamon roll (until episode 8)”. These two are as opposite as you can possibly get. Ash is from New York and Eiji is from Japan. Ash likes hot dogs with everything on it. Eiji likes grilled fish and natto. Ash spent the majority of his life killing on the streets. Eiji was a track superstar. You get my meaning. But when we got these two together it’s quite adorable. Ash is really able to change when he’s around Eiji. Ash isn’t some heartless killer on the street about to kill a thug with prosthetic fingers. When he’s with Eiji, he’s a joker that can easily get scared of pumpkins. And even in later episodes, you got these two acting like a husband and wife.

Fandom That You Didn’t Expect to Get Into: Les Miserables – A Girl Named Cosette

Let me explain a little something. Les Mis! I have never seen the play, watched the movie, or read the novel prior to picking up this anime. Not a single one of those! And that’s a bit of a head-scratcher when you realize I was a bit of a musical theater nut in my teenage years. But one thing I do like is when Japan does an anime based on plays or historical events (like Romeo x Juliet or Rose of Versailles). The second I popped in Les Miserables the anime, I wanted to binge watch the whole 52 episode series. It is by no means a perfect adaptation of the Victor Hugo novel. Several key players end up surviving all the way up to the end of the story! But because this was my very first viewing of anything Les Mis, I took to the story of Cosette and was eager to see what was going to happen next in her tale. Unlike the movies and play, Cosette was the main focus of the story besides Jean Valjean and Javert. And thanks to watching the unfortunate stories of Cosette, Jean Valjean, the Thenadiers, Javert, Marius, and the rest, I thought it was time to watch the OTHER adaptations to Les Mis.

…

Russell Crowe sucks.

Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni

Higurashi or When They Cry is one of my favorite fandoms of all time! So naturally when we heard that it was making a comeback, I was excited. It was also very odd that Higurashi was given this sequel or reboot. Ahem! There’s another franchise that needs a face-lift. Umineko still deserves a better treatment. Plus, now that this series was out of the faulty hands of Studio Deen, Higurashi will get the special care it deserves. Believe it or not, it wasn’t just the anime that made a comeback for me, but the manga as well. Since 2009, I’ve read several volumes (out of order) and would every now and then come back to read the story. Back to the anime, this reboot or sequel…you know what, I’m gonna call it a “rebooqual”! This rebooqual sucked me back to the town of Hinamizawa and all the murders. Every week, I find myself comparing the current episode to one from the 2006 version. But then the fourth episode of each arc seems to catch me off guard.

Where are they going with this story and these twist endings to our favorite arcs? I did not expect Rena to turn a simple attempted murder into the end of School Days! I didn’t expect Rika to die in the most disgusting fashion they could think of. Could someone kill Teppei fucking Hojo? I will pay ¥5000 for someone to do that job. So yeah, because I know how much of this plays out and who does what, I’m usually watching and reading while making wise-ass remarks. But I still have fun with it.

Fandom That Inspired the Most Crack: Konosuba

In a year where I caught up with the popular Isekais like Shield Hero and Re:Zero, I found the wacky misadventures of Kazuma Satou to be amusing as all get-out. From the first 5 minutes, I found myself laughing at Kazuma’s misfortune. Seriously, how the fuck do you mistake a tractor for a car, have a heart attack, piss yourself, and fucking die in the first couple minutes to the series? You can only get away with this shit in gag animes! But it’s not just Kazuma’s dumbass, there’s a mage who only does explosions, but loses all her energy after one blow-up. Then there’s a busty, blonde who gets turned on by getting hurt and can’t strike anything with her sword. Anime’s biggest masochist or Cheryl Tunt incarnate, I haven’t decided which one to believe! Then you have this loud, crazy goddess chick named Aqua. She’s also useless about 86% of the time! Watching their unfortunate missions is all the crack that I need to get through this year. Seriously, Darkness is just all kinds of fucked up, but we love her.

Last Fandom of 2020: Yashahime

That’s right, the InuYasha sequel gets top spot here! Even though week after week I find myself asking more questions than when the episode started, I’m still hooked. If you’re like me, you watched and fell in love with the series InuYasha. So if they’re doing a sequel, you’re expecting to see all of your favorite characters from the prequel like InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshomaru, Koga, Rin, and the rest. Actually, no! Quite the opposite! We’ve got Sesshomaru’s daughters, but no Sesshomaru. Rin is sleeping in a tree we think! We’ve got InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter, but they’re M.I.A. None of the girls even know a thing about their birth parents.

Now are these new characters a catch like the ones from the previous series? Some are! The three main girls, yes! Especially Moroha! I’ve already praised her name earlier in the superlative. Towa and Setsuna do take on some personality traits from their parents. Setsuna is definitely serious like Sesshomaru and Towa sometimes has a carefree yet loyal aura to her like Rin. I know I’m always skeptical when a series gives us a sequel featuring the offspring of the main characters. Especially when you’ve got some lame examples like Boruto and Eureka Seven AO (I might retract my diss on Boruto later)! As each week gives us a new episode, we’re unraveling new clues into a lot of things involving our old favorite characters, as well as the new ones. So I have high hopes for Yashahime for the time being!

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

Alright, so if you've been following along with me, Supernatural season 3 starts out on a trio of episodes that are Really Fun, slides into some episodes that are Pretty OK, then takes a real nose dive into Bummersville. Hoo boy guys, I really hope that this season picks up. I mean, it won’t, but I can still dream. 2021 was maybe not the year to start watching this season. Fair warning.

The next three episodes for this season are just, like, real downers. First we get “Fresh Blood,” which, aside from the terrible title, starts out on a high note. Gordon (gross) somehow manages to catch up with Bela (HOW??) and threatens her if she doesn’t hand over the Winchesters. Bela, in all of her class and grace, won’t give them up because she has a high price point and Gordon is really lowballing her here. Just like, yes, ok, please stay forever, you’re amazing and I love you. And what a scene this is! You have two characters, one with a strict moral code (albeit one that allows for violence and winning at all costs) and the other with almost NO moral code, but an allegiance that can be bought with the best price and it’s such a fun back and forth until Gordon pulls out a gun. And then she pulls out her phone and just has Dean on speed dial and that’s maybe my fav part. Bela has run into the Winchesters twice and they maybe legit hate her but she’s very much like, oh yeah, my BFF’s the Winchesters, I love those idiots!

I love that we come back to this moment later in the episode when Bela, like, three days later, is like, Oh! I guess I should warn the Winchesters that some crazy guy is after them! She’s just so casual about it you kind of get the feeling that, even though technically Gordon was threatening her life, she doesn’t view him as A Threat. She gives the Winchesters a heads up just to be like oh yeah, you might want to watch out for this mild inconvenience, and she seems legit shocked when Dean freaks out. There’s this moment that plays across her face like, oh shit, did I...did I fuck up? And it adds a nice bit of depth to her character. She’s seems honestly worried, both for the lives of the Winchesters but also that Dean won’t like her anymore and that is just a charming bit of A C T I N G!

I am gonna miss her SO MUCH when she dies at the end of this season. WHY did we CANCEL HER???

But despite the fun beginning, this episode is about monsters and how people become monsters and how other people are probably the reason. Because our main baddie is a vampire who hunts to...well, listen if we look at the facts that he lays out in his monologue, it’s a little more tragic - he’s trying to replace the daughters that he lost hundreds of years ago, cool motive, still murder. In practice though, he goes around turning hot blonde coeds into vampires and then ?????? Who knows. I’d like to believe that this was a problem with the CW executives or maybe casting/directing and not with the writing, but it’s SPN and you really can’t be sure with anything. The fact is, this is a CW show from the early 2000’s and a lot of their extras are cast to type. And that’s maybe me exhibiting some girl-on-girl crime, but there are other episodes that did a much less blatantly gross job casting their extras/Very Special Guest Stars.

Anyway, the POINT of this guy is that he’s a monster because someone killed his daughter and he’s just been trying to fill that grief hole inside of him for centuries. This is not unlike Gordon, who ALSO has been trying to fill a grief hole that he’s had for decades, except he’s not killing people and resurrecting them as blood suckers, he’s just killing them. And then, when the Vamp decides to turn Gordon it’s a real sweet moment of comeuppance for like, a HOT second and then you’re like, awww dude, ya done f’ed up. That was a bad idea. You’ve made a HUGE mistake.

More importantly, our Vampire In Question finally runs into the Winchesters and get’s to say things like “I was desperate! You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?” and also “I just ... I didn't care anymore. Do you know what it's like when you just don't give a damn? It's like ... it's like being dead already.” and Dean’s v. much like, THIS IS TOO REAL ROY.

Sam may ALSO be feeling Too Real feelings because he is DONE dicking around with Gordon and honestly yes, I like this, this is good Sam development. It’s nice to know that Sam has a breaking point. And I admit I’m of two minds about this moment because 1) I love the idea of Dark!Sam this season and that maybe Sam’s decision to actually kill Gordon is just one step in that process but 2) I ALSO love the idea of Sam Lite finally having a breaking point and Gordon is IT. I don’t know which theory I like more in this scenario, but they are both good theories.

I think as much as this episode wants to draw parallels between the monsters and Dean (thank you artful editors), you can’t look at the “I’ve lost everyone I ever loved,” line and not think of Sam? Cuz he’s got one (1) person left in his life that hasn’t died horribly, so how desperate is he about to get through the end of this season? I’ve definitely been watching this season with eyes on all the ominous Dean foreshadowing, but the Sam foreshadowing is also there, just buried under the heavy weight of a thousand smulders and suicidal levels of denial.

And also, FUCK the tag on this episode! Guys, it is CUTE but it is also HORRIBLE. Dean starts teaching Sam how to fix the Impala and at first it’s all, “Oh! Adorable Brothers Being Brothers!” and I loved it but then I almost immediately hated it because you realize this is about making sure Sam can get along without him once he’s gone and Dean just accepts his own death with such casual ease that it’s just...INFURIATING!

This scene was rude and I HATE IT!

Cut to - “A Very Supernatural Christmas” Special!

Guys, I was so excited when I got to this episode. THIS is Classic Supernatural Shenanigans. Plus, you know a Holiday Special is the ultimate sign that this show has Made It, right? Or it could be a sign that they’re selling out, who knows, but I think we can say that at this point in the series, SPN is established enough to start having fun with their fans. That’s what this says to me. BUT THEN what we get is like...oh boy.

First - like, I’mma beat this horse to death, but what is WRONG with this FAMILY? John Winchester very quickly devolved into the sort of father that forgot about every single holiday and did not ever, even a little bit, make up for it. It’s not a surprise, but it kind of wrecked me seeing a flashback where Baby Dean is just so attached to a father who can’t be bothered to actually care for his children. I know he’s not in this episode because Jeffrey Dean Morgan was tied up in other projects, but the fact that John doesn’t show up at the end to button the flashbacks with a But then he DID show up for Christmas! just makes this plot line that more gutting. And despite Dean’s hero worship of their father, this is maybe the Christmas where Baby Sam stops believing in his own father. The only bright side to this is that it continues to enforce the fact that Bobby should have sued John for custody. Bobby should maybe STILL Sue for custody so that Dean at least would feel like someone wants him for once in his life, damnit.

And then we wrap this episode up with the Best Worst Christmas of all, because we see Sam start to...also?? accept that Dean is about to die? Cuz that’s what this episode is really about - Dean’s Last Christmas. And everything about that makes me ~ u p s e t ~.

So Sam decides to put his curmudgeonly grinchy attitude aside in order to make it a special day for Dean and ugh. UGH. UGHGHGHG. Season three is the worst guys, and I can’t believe I didn’t realize that until right this second now.

So let’s wrap this up with "Malleus Maleficarum", honestly an episode that is mostly forgettable until we get to, like, the last five minutes. Sure, witches and curses and selling your soul, woohoo whatever.

But then we get some real Ruby centric reveals and like, WHAT is happening?? First off, the scene where Ruby and Tammy have a moment is a real Moment. There is some baggage and tension here and it is heavy. And then Tammy drops the mic when she reveals that Ruby used to be human.

THEN, Ruby legit saves their asses by killing Tammy with a fancy magic knife. Ok, Dean does the actual killing, but Ruby brought the fancy magic knife. So between the hot and heavy tension with “Tammy” and her repeated attempts to keep the Winchesters alive, we’re left wondering what IS Ruby’s deal? I personally wonder how much of the show’s mythology the show actually has figured out at this point? Because interviews with Kripke definitely walk the line between “Oh we definitely have this whole thing worked out,” and “yeah, we’re sort of finding things as we go along,” which is maybe why it’s able to last as long as it does. More on that later.

Of course the big kicker is the final scene between Ruby and Dean. Dean is almost on board with Ruby at this point in the season, and much like his scene with the demon in “Sin City”, they share a kind of vulnerable moment together where Ruby admits that, yeah, she was human once and yeah, Hell will destroy you, body and soul, and yeah Dean’s worst fear will probably come true - he will become the thing he hunts, no ifs, ands or buts about it. And Dean knows that Ruby knows that Dean knows that there’s no way to save Dean from his fate, but they both agree that they can’t take Sam’s last ounce of hope away from him because, for both of them, Sam is their hope. Ruby and Dean both see the war happening around them and they know that with Dean gone, Sam’s maybe the last guy holding back the tide to save all humanity.

Which, honestly? Bull shit. Do you know how many hunters are out there? Neither do I, but this season seems to indicate that there are a LOT. We have barely scratched the surface on the hunter community and it’s a damn shame that they are all weirdo loners because there is a war going on. You know what works great in a war? An ARMY. Buncha mentally unstable, martyr-complex ijits who can’t put their differences aside for one damn MINUTE so that maybe, JUST maybe, the could actually defeat the evil they’ve spent their entire lives dedicated to fighting. And if Ruby and Dean wanted to help Sam, what they should probably do is get him plugged in to that community. I do believe that of all they backasswards, self-obsessed, painfully anti-social crazies out there, the Winchesters are THE WORST.

Listen tho, this was like, a solid scene between these two. Just a lot of work goin' into this and it paid off.

Anyway, back to the mythology for a hot second - This sort of loosey-goosey stumbling into your own world building is probably another one of those things that you’ll only really get in a show with this many episodes per season? It’s that room to play and experiment and just make stuff up as you go along. I think the slow drip method of releasing episodes ALSO helps in this scenario because you’re able to see what fans are reacting to in almost-real time. When viewers are binging episodes, I think you're less likely to see what specifically they’re reacting to and more wholistically they’re reacting to. And that’s not to say you won’t see those specific things that they like/love eventually, but by the time you get there, your season’s been produced in its entirety and you’ll have to bear that in mind for (hopefully) next season. But with SPN, they were writing and producing the show at the same time that some of the episodes were airing. That’s why they were able to make decisions on the fly, based on what fans responded to. And definitely by this point in the show, there was a sizeable and vocal fan base that made their feelings VERY well-known. We’re only in season three, but they’ve already had a number of con appearances and a pretty active online presence. That kind of feedback has got to be helpful, from a writing perspective, but it also allows for things like characters getting cut because nobody liked them for some dumb reason. BUT, if you’re fighting to stay on the air for 100 episodes or longer, responding to fan reactions is what’s gonna do it and that’s a fact.

[ssa-montgomery]

Requests Are Open!

Hey everyone! Since we’re all stuck inside at the moment and I seem to have found my writing inspiration again I thought I would open up my requests again! Of course if you want to make a request you don’t have to use these so feel free to send me any requests, I just thought this might be fun! 

To make a request just send a number(s) from the list below and a ship or show! You can send me a bit of plot if you have an idea of what you would like to see but if not just send me the number! You can send me up to three prompts for one request :) You can send me the request through a message, a comment on this post or an ask.

The Fandoms I mainly write for are:

Supernatural

Once Upon a Time

Shadowhunters

Hannibal

Merlin

Lucifer

I will write character x character and character x reader as long as the ship is legal! Of course the ship doesn’t have to be a romance ship! It can be friendship/family/enemies too.

I will complete your requests as soon as I can!

1. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

2. “I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine.” “Then stop looking.”

3. “Where is Death when you need her?”

4. “You are all remarkably well behaved tonight. What did you do?”

5. “You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”

6. “Ohh so you think I’m cute when I’m angry? Well, get ready because I’m about to be GORGEOUS!!!”

7. “I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”

8. “Tell I’m going to die, tell me the sun is going to explode, tell me the world is ending and there’s nothing I can do about it because if I hear it’s going to be okay one more time I. Will. Scream.”

9. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

10. “Who are you?” “Demon to some. Angel to others.”

11. “Yeah, I have a plan.” “Is it a good one?” “I have a plan.”

12. “You love her don’t you?” “Was it that obvious?”

13. “I hate the sight of blood.” “Then maybe you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

14. “Are you sober?” “I’m moderately functional.” “I’ll take that as a no.”

15.“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it.”

16. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do think it would be if-” “At least a twenty.”

17. “Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.”

18. “So… I just realized … that I’ve been shot.”

19. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”

20. “Only a fool would fall in love with someone as deadly as me.”

21. “Excuse me I have to go make a scene.”

22. “I warned you not to hurt his sister.”

23. “How does it feel, my dear? Losing the best thing that has ever happened to you.”

24. “Oh darling, you are so very broken and no cares to notice.”

25. “All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

26. “I have to go … iron … my cat.”

27. “If I go through with this, I die. If I don’t go through with this, we all die.”

28. “I’m trying my best to be polite, but if you move that knife a centimeter closer to me I will tear you apart.”

29. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”

30. “I’m not completely human anymore. Remember that next time you want to punch me in the face.”

31. “I am either going out for ice cream, or to commit a crime. I’ll decide in the car.”

32. “Don’t think about it too much or your head might explode.”

33. “I’m with him. For better or for worse. It’ll probably be worse. I knew that the day I met him.”

34. “I don’t hate you. I hate them for turning you into this.”

35. “Loving any of us is a death sentence isn’t it?”

36. “All I know is, one of us is right. The other one is you.”

37. “Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

38. “Why are they all afraid of you?”

39. “I can’t go back to sleep after that. I need coffee- no. I need a drink, a stiff one.”

40. “Just know that I love you. I love you with all of my fucked up piece of shit heart.”

41. “You here to finish me off, sweetheart?”

42. “Oh. Hello. Excuse all the blood.”

43. “Guess who came back?”

44. “I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I’d say my people skills are improving.”

45. “You keep pointing that gun at me and blabbering on about how much you’ve been wanting to kill me. I’m beginning to doubt your commitment…”

46. “It’s only murder if they find the body. Otherwise, it’s just a missing person. Just saying.”

47. “I can’t do this anymore.”

48. “The worst feeling in the world is knowing you did the best you could and it still wasn’t good enough.”

49. “Because to you I am merely a monster. And in the end that’s all I ever was. ”

50. “And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?”

51. “You already know how this will end.”

52. “Don’t you understand? You were her happy ending.”

53. “Lord give me patience or an untraceable handgun.”

54. “Did you actually think you mattered to him? Silly girl.”

55. “You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first. Bullshit. I have never loved myself but you, Oh god, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.”

56. “It’s okay. You don’t have to love me.”

57. “There’s someone in my head but it’s not me.”

58. “Foolish child. Thinking the stains of your sins can be washed away by your tears.”

59. “I wanted you to fight for me and you didn’t.”

60. “it’s scary what a smile can hide.”

61. “You had me at “we’ll make it look like an accident.”

62. “Is this one of those times when you want me to lie to protect your delicate emotions?”

63. “I’m surrounded by idiots!”

64. “You gotta stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me wanna kiss you.”

65. “If you’re going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might as well hit them hard.”

66. “I never said thank you did I?” “For what?” “For… well … everything.”

67. “I’ll find her and bring her home. I promise.”

68. “Dance with me and pretend the world doesn’t exist.”

69. “What are you afraid of?” “You.”

70. “You’re ok. Breathe. Just breathe. Open your eyes. Come back. It’s ok. It’s over now. You’re ok. Wake up. Please wake up. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me. I love you so fucking much. Come back.”

71. “Can I ask you a dumb question?” “Better than anyone I know.”

72. “If we’re going to get out of here, we’re going to have to work together. After that, we can go back to killing each other.” “Oh fine.”

73. “If it is destroying you, then it’s not love my dear.”

74. “ I never stood a chance, did I?” “That’s the sad part -you did once.”

75. “Eh, screw it. Let’s just blow it up and call it a day.”

76. “Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.”

77. “The problem is, if I kissed, I don’t think I don’t think I’d be able to stop.”

78. “Lie to me again.” “I love you.”

79. “Why are you avoiding me?” “Because … because I think I’m falling in love with you, okay? That’s why I’m avoiding you.”

80. “Whos ass are we kicking today?”

81. “I could strangle you.” “You aren’t tall enough.” “You’ve sunk low enough for me to reach.”

82. “Wait, did you just flirt with me?” “Have been for the past year but thanks for noticing.”

83. “Maybe I deserve someone else, but I always wanted you.”

84. “Darkness. When everything you know and love is taken away so harshly, all you can think about is angry, hatred and even revenge. And no one can save you.”

85. “For God sake! Who have you killed now?”

86. “Please point your gun at me if it helps you relax.”

87. “Tell me not to do something and I will do it twice and take pictures.”

88. “there is not enough salt in the WORLD to protect us from the hell you’re trying to unleash.” “Oh don’t be such a worrywart. The demon and I go way back.”

89. “You wanna know who’s beautiful?” “Aww who?” “Me.”

90. “In my defense, I was left unsupervised.”

91. “Wow can we just pretend, for one second, that you’re not a complete douchbag?”

92. “Are we there yet?” “Get out.” “We’re going 85-miles an hour down the highway in the middle of nowhere.” “Did I stutter?”

93. “Oh, honey, no. I love you too much to let you humiliate yourself this way.” “Bitch please, you don’t think I can beat you at Mario-kart? ”

94. “Fix me up with six cups of coffee and we’re good to go.”

95. “When someone gives you the "don’t pull your gun out of the back of your pants” nod, don’t pull your gun out of the back of your pants!“

96. "Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?” “I don’t have time to feel guilty. and neither do you.”

97. “Hey man nice tattoo.” “I don’t have a tattoo.” “Okay, how drunk were you last night?”

98. “Are you always stupid or is today a special occasion?”

99. “Literally everything about this is illegal.”

100. “I need something that’s more than coffee but less than cocaine.”

101. “Pay me enough, and I didn’t see a thing.”

102. “Sorry I hung up on you, I didn’t mean to answer the call.”

103. “Today I’m wearing a lovely shade of I slept like crap so don’t piss me off.”

104. “Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star?”

105. “Since I met him, he carries more anger and pain than a thousand armies could ever bear. He was betrayed, deceived, hurt. Believe me when I say he had already crossed hell, and the only time I saw peace in his eyes was when he saw you. You are the only reason he’s still alive.”

106. “Touch her, and you’ll learn exactly what’s worse than death.”

107. “I don’t want to look like a princess, I want to look like a formerly evil queen who reluctantly redeemed herself for the side of good.” “You read too much.” “Damn right I do.”

108. “You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”

109. “No. Not you. Anyone but you.”

110. “One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my love, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.”

111. “It goes away, that ache in your chest when you hear his name.”

112 “I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And when we’re together, my past seems worth it, because if I had done one thing differently, I might never have met you.”

113. “Don’t go.”

114. “If he cared, he would have made an effort.”

115. “You love him, don’t you?” “He’s not mine to love.” “But you still do?” “More than she ever will.”

116. “This is what, the third time I’ve crashed my own funeral?” “Fifth.” “Really? That many?”

117. “Y’know… that’s not what an apology sounds like.” “Bite me.”

118. “Don’t try to shut me out of this. I’ve been here since day one. I’m more a part of this than you are.”

119.”…. At least the snow’s pretty.”

120. “Don’t give me attitude, darling. I have one of my own.”

121. “I want you to remember you deserve this.”

122. “I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve died in front of me.”

123. “I don’t care if I  don’t get any sleep tonight. As long as I can be there for you.”

124.  “I should have told you a long time ago.”

125. “Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

126. “Silly girl,  can’t you see the truth right in front of you? This is his little kingdom, and you’re not the Queen anymore.

127. “If we get arrested, it’s your fault.”

128. “Wow, I can’t believe I said that out loud, please excuse me while I go die of embarrassment.”

129. “How sweet, sacrificing yourself for her, when did you get a heart?”

130.  “Let me go! I can still save them!”

131. “She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear you feelings for her have.”

132. “You made your choice and I made mine. Just because you can’t live with yours doesn’t mean you should shame me for living with mine.”

133. “If someone gets nosy just .. you know … shoot ‘em.” “Shoot ‘em?” “Politely.”

134. “Show me your scars.” “But.. why?” “I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn’t there.”

135. “It’s okay, it’s over now.” “No it’s not. It hasn’t even begun.”

136. “It’s like you want to ruin men/women for me.”

137. “Look. I’m glad you’ve saved everyone and all that, but it’s time someone told you to take care of you.” “I’m fine.” “No you’re not and furthermore, if you don’t take care of you think of all the people who will need you in the future who won’t have you.”

138. “I want you. Right here. Right now”

139. “Tell me what you want.”

140. “You look so fucking hot right now.”

141. “You say “I hate you.” But all I hear is “fuck me.”

142. “You think you’re the boss of me just because you’re hot?”

143. “You make me feel .. you make me feel and I don’t like it. I want it to stop. Now”

144. “You survived what you thought would kill you. Now straighten your crown and move foward like the Queen you are.”

145. “What I lack in common sense I make up for in sarcasm.”

146. “Because I am the big brother. I’m sorry I wasn’t better at it until now.”

147. “Aw look at ‘em - so young and willing to get themselves killed.”

148. “You’re kind of turning me on.”

149. “Studies show that I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

150. “You alienated everyone you loved , and now? You’re all alone.”

[ckret2]

tumblr you need to stop deleting the question when i edit an ask:

What characters can you think of, that you like, fall under unhealthy obsessive romance?

Sit down we're gonna be here a while.

God is anyone gonna be surprised if I cite the yandere trope? Is anyone gonna cringe away if I say Gasai Yuno from Future Diary? No? We're all good? Okay.

Yandere characters are really hit or miss with me. Too often, I've seen yandere characters portrayed like their bloodlust, their willing to kidnap their beloved or kill potential romantic rivals, is working in tandem with their apparent sweet, affectionate, self-effacing devotion—rather than in contrast. Like a yandere character who's willing to draw blood is an exaggerated romantic ideal. I'm not about that. To me, a proper compelling yandere is a horror character disguised as a cute love interest.

Yuno pulls that off. Even as Yukki gets used to her and even begins to grow attracted to her, he still remains very reasonably terrified of what she might do—and his terror is validated by her actions. What really sells her for me, though, is the series's awareness of the arbitrary nature of her obsessive love. She flat-out tells Yukki, the target of her obsession, with shocking coldness and self-insight, that she doesn't love him because he's really that unique or special, but because he was there and she needed someone. When it feels like so many generic dull lead boys "win" the attentions of the cool interesting yandere for no obvious reason as a sort of wishfulfillment, Yuno's open acknowledgment of Yukki's plainness and the arbitrariness of her own affections would be a great deconstruction of common yandere tropes, if it wasn't for the fact that Yuno was basically the codifier of the modern yandere archetype.

Another character who hits all the right yandere notes is Tarantulas from the IDW Transformers comics. Mad scientist who makes wicked inventions for a high-ranked military officer who's rattled by the brutality they inflict together and terminates their professional relationship by attempting to terminate the scientist; scientist comes back from the apparent dead to kidnap the officer with the help of a gang of terrorists, blackmails him by threatening to reveal confidential information about the officer's army that could tear it apart from the inside and that the officer has gone to great lengths to keep hidden, reveals that he's invented a way to make enemy soldiers effectively invisible and untraceable, and shows off his secret lab powered by a devastatingly powerful superfuel that he's invented... and then reveal he doesn't want revenge, but for the officer to be his partner in crime again, and all these wonders will be used FOR him instead of AGAINST him. He calls the officer his "muse," and feels like he can't reach his peak scientific potential without the officer there, requesting new weapons and acting as his inspiration.

He's willing to burn down the universe if his muse wants it or burn down the universe if his muse scorns him, he kidnaps him just to beg him to be his partner, and he does all this despite the fact that the officer destroyed his life work and tried to kill him. It's fantastically messed up.

Moving away from the yandere archetype: Venom—comics Venom, from their intro through the 90s and then again once Mike Costa got hold of them—is a fantastic obsessive love story, about two people who reject everything that both of their societies defines as normal and acceptable in order to be with each other, and are incredibly tender and affectionate and mutually supportive; but like, they also validate each other's worst beliefs and tendencies in a way that lets them egg each other on into oblivious villainy, and even if "live with and for one and only one person, literally in 24/7 physical contact," is normal and psychologically healthy for the symbiote's species, it's not for a human being. Impressively, they're SO obsessively codependently in love with each other, that they each independently decide that they want to be the best possible versions of themselves for each other, and violently wrest their relationship from the jaws of toxicity in order to become an emotionally mature couple with a support system, outside friends, and the ability to communicate about their fears and insecurities, and it's a beautiful thing. It's too bad nobody's written anything with Venom since Mike Costa's run ended, but I'm sure someone will bring them back around eventually.

The knight-in-love-with-their-liege trope is one that appeals to me in theory, but in practice I basically never see it written as zealously as I'd like, so I usually have to headcanon it up myself. Pearl in Steven Universe is the only solid canon example I can think of that hits all the right notes for me.

Not strictly canon but: Drift from Transformers, who goes from grim street rat survivalist to bloodthirsty mass murderer to repentant ninja vigilante to faux-spiritual warrior with weird flashes of extreme violence while under the wing of four different mentor/leader figures, I like to interpret as a serial zealot whose repeatedly shifting morals and loyalties have nothing to do with his newest leader actually convincing him of the righteousness of their perspective, and everything to do with Drift's becoming smitten with their charisma and being willing to reinvent himself completely to conform with his new beloved leader's worldview. Drift's last writer even ship teased him pretty heavily with leader #4 (for any of y'all that don't read Transformers: not like "ship teased" in a queerbaity way, Drift eventually hooked up with a different dude), and he's shown to go out of his way to perform roles that he thinks will impress leader #4; so like, there's some canon basis to read him like that—even if my main reason is "because I want to."

I also like to slip in shades of knight-loves-leader in how I write Zim being shipped with a Tallest; the unhealthy, destructive obsession with them is definitely canon, even if the romance isn't.

"Characters that are otherwise emotionless for scifi/fantasy reasons except for ONE emotion and that emotion is love and therefore they get really obsessed with their love because it's the only thing in their void of a life, but it's not portrayed in a cutesy 'robot learns to feel' or 'demon is saved by love' way but rather in a 'this is almost as unbalanced and unhealthy as not feeling anything at all was' way" is like... a trope that I keep writing but don't think I've ever actually seen done EXACTLY like that in canon. The Nobodies in Kingdom Hearts are good for this—I've written them as having meaningless sex to try to counter the fact that they can't feel emotions, on the justification that sexual arousal is a physiological sensation rather than an actual emotion but is still close enough that they can almost feel a feeling, and end up getting extremely attached to their cooperative let's-pretend-we-can-feel sex partners. (i realize that physiology and emotions can't actually be disentangled like that but like, it's fantasy.) Axel, you can argue, latched onto Roxas in what can be (and often is) read in a romantic way, also arguably sheerly on the merit of the fact that Roxas makes him feel anything at all.

Shockwave in IDW I've also used to played around with this idea, although I haven't published the main work I've done that with. Yet.

And from what I’ve seen, it looks like the main character in Yandere Simulator is gonna have a backstory kind of like that? I’m looking forward to that game, haven’t played any of the demo versions yet but what I’ve seen from the dev’s videos looks fun.

Also: very frequently, unrequited love. Especially secret unrequited love. "Unrequited-to-requited love" doesn't fit the bill at all. It's gotta be perpetual pining. There's NO satisfaction. The longing just builds and builds eternally, until the internal pressure causes something to shatter. I can think of ships I like to imagine this way (Drift w/ any of his mentors, Starscream/Wheeljack, Hashirama/Madara, Ψiioniic/Sufferer), but off the top of my head no canon ones that reach those dizzying heights of eternally unfulfilled yearning. Sure, plenty of stories have unrequited love—but rarely the all-consumingly obsessive kind, and even more rarely is that portrayed as—oh! I got a couple canon ones, albeit more villainous/predatory ones: the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera and that dude with his mouth stitched shut in the Abarat books, I haven't read those in years. And some spins of Dracula and Mina, although it's no fun if she loves him back. You can also do this with Hades and Persephone, although for this to work it's imperative that Hades still feel like he doesn't actually "have" Persephone even if she's contractually obligated to live with him so long as she doesn't love him, and just sort of wistfully watches her from afar whenever she's in the underworld. (But to be honest I generally prefer "Persephone and Hades: Hypercompetent Goth Power Couple" to spins that lean on Persephone being an unwilling unhappy victim.)

The further I go down this list the more obscure and/or headcanony these examples are gonna get, so I think I'm gonna stop here. But feel free to send any follow-up questions if u wanna hear me ramble more about my extremely specific tastes in romance.

Shoutout to "The Maiden and the Minstrel Knight" by Blind Guardian for being a song that captures peak romanticized out-of-control love.

[agentmarymargaretskitz]

might fool around and make me mad (don’t make me mad): Act Two

(Part 2 of 3 in the fourth installment of the Possession of Gary Green. Thanks to 

AO3

              The sky was orange as Neron started to prepare himself for the night out with Maze. He’d managed to get himself a nice suit without having to murder anyone in the process. While that was disappointed, he knew there was still going to be plenty more fun tonight. Los Angeles was not experiencing any shortage of criminal or degenerate activity in the slightest.

              As he finished running the comb through his hair, Neron felt an unexpected pressure in his head. Shuddering, he grasped the sides of the sink. Gary was trying to fight back again, but this was different than what had happened in Lux. It was stronger now. Neron lifted his head to look into the mirror as his eyes glowed red. Slowly, he straightened his posture while the reflection in the mirror shifted into a more tired, worn down version of his host.

“I thought you were going to stay down,” Neron hissed. “You were so quiet last week. Why are there problems now? You know what’s going to happen to you if you keep acting up.”

“Because I finally pieced together your plan,” Gary said in the reflection. “And I won’t let it happen, not if I can stop you somehow.”

“Ah, but you can’t,” Neron chuckled. “Gary, you gave yourself over to me and helped me. And I helped you too.”

“Helped me?”

“Oh yes. You always wanted to be stronger, more confident than you were. I took that desire and I made it reality. People aren’t ignoring you now, Gary.”

“Because you butchered McNeil and that clerk,” Gary’s face screwed up. “Why do you have to do this? Why can’t you just do what Maze did? Find your place somewhere and don’t be too wrapped up on world domination?”

“Because this is who I am,” Neron snarled. “I have my plans and they are going to succeed. And if you don’t stay in line while I carry them out, I will make things far worse for you. Your brother isn’t too far away from LA, is he? And your other brother, he’s just gotten back from Thailand. Then there’s also your dad and his husband…such a shame your mother’s gone, I can’t use that on you.”

“You leave them alone!”

“Oh, I will as long as you cooperate,” Neron smirked. “Otherwise what happened to McNeil will be a spa day compared to what I’ll do to your family. So if you want them to remain intact, then stay down, shut up, and just watch the show. Things are going to start getting fun soon.”

“But the Legends are here now. Constantine is going coming for us. He’ll-”

“Us?” Neron laughed and mirror Gary’s face fell. “Two weeks and you think someone’s still going to save you? Didn’t you tell me when you handed over your body that no one cared enough to notice you? That not even John Constantine would be bother with you?”

Gary’s expression morphed into something pathetic.

“The Legends are only here to stop me,” Neron reminded him. “There’s no reason why they’d come for you, is there? They came to stop me, not save you.”

“Maybe so, but they’re still going to win and send you away. And if it means I have to die for it to happen, then I’m going to be taking you with me to hell.”

Neron snarled as he threw his fist at the mirror where Gary’s face was, cracking the glass on impact. The demon then forced him back into the dark corner where he’d been keeping him.

“Stay down and relive some of your worst hits tonight,” Neron ordered, shaking his head. “Don’t make me send you to hell just yet.”

              Gary stayed down as Neron pulled up all the awful memories, drawing strength from the misery. He could steadily feel himself growing stronger as he drove the convertible to Lux. Tonight was going to be good for strengthening himself while having fun with Maze. Hopefully, she would still be willing to go along with his plan. She’d be a good ally and queen if that happened.

Maze was waiting outside the entrance when he pulled up on the curb. “You made it?”

“We have a date,” he teased, taking in her grey and metal dress. Pretty yet practical in a fight. Not to mention there was no telling how many weapons she had stowed away in her dress. “You look nice.”

“I know. So, where to first?”

Neron smiled as she climbed into the car. “Somewhere fun.”

~~~

A minute had passed since Zari had taken her turn, and they were still waiting on Ava to make her next move. She didn’t seem very focused on the cards in her left hand, electing instead to stare at a number on her phone.

“Ava,” Nora nudged her elbow.

The director of the Bureau started. “My turn?”

“Yeah,” Zari set down her cards as Charlie sat up from the seats she’d been lying across and took her headphones out. “You still haven’t called Gary’s family about what happened yet, have you?”

“It’s not a call I want to make.”

“Then don’t make it,” Charlie shrugged. “Simple enough. We could get Gary back.”

“We don’t know that for sure,” Des told her. “I was barely alive when he left me. Basically ready to move on to what’s next when Gary offered himself up. And the longer Neron’s out, the more time he has to get stronger, which makes Gary weaker.”

“I can’t hold the call off much longer,” Ava told them. “The Bureau has a policy for agents missing on assignments for more than two weeks. A team is sent to their last reported location to sweep for a body and collect any technology not native to their time. The director makes a call to the next of kin reporting that their loved one was sent on a classified ops mission and has not been heard from, but is likely dead.”

“Except we don’t know if Gary’s going to die or not,” Zari murmured. “Taking out Neron might take out Gary too.”

Nora ran a finger over her cards. “That’s if we destroy the body too.”

“That has to be our last resort,” Ava said sternly. “Doing that means we give up completely on saving Gary.”

“If Gary’s even still in there.”

Zari sighed and rubbed her eye. “Not helping, Des.”

“Ava, it’s just Gary,” Charlie said. “He’s just another agent in your Bureau, an annoying one.”

“Maybe so. Yeah, he’s annoying and clumsy and has some boundary issues, but he’s the only one left who I’ve known since I joined the Bureau. But he always means to be kind, and he always treats people like human beings. Gary’s always had my back even when I never asked him to. Now it’s time to show him I have his.”

“Neron’s our mess to clean up though,” Zari said. “You don’t owe Gary a thing.”

“Even so, Neron still took over one of my agents and killed another,” replied Ava as she finally laid down her cards. “I’m in this mess too, and I would have helped even if it wasn’t Gary.”

“We have to be realistic,” Nora shook her head at her cards. “We don’t even know where-”

“He is?” Sara finished the sentence as she entered the bridge. “Actually, we might after Gideon got into the LAPD police scanner. They’ve seen spikes in accidents, public disturbances, all kinds of crime.”

Des stood up. “Neron’s out in the open.”

“Exactly,” Sara nodded. “Are you and Nora up to fight?”

“Made two charms this afternoon so we can get close enough without that pesky demonic connection,” Nora announced. “We’re ready.”

“Good.”

“What about John and the others?” Charlie asked. “They’re still missing.”

“And we don’t know where they are,” muttered Sara. “Since they got bailed out by the Devil, he has them and it could mean Neron is working with Lucifer. If we can corner Neron now, then we might be able to get him to spill where they are.”

“Let’s stop wasting time and go then,” Ava announced. “The longer we stand around here, the farther away he gets.”

~~~

“He’s moving!”

John sat upright as Ray came running over to him with his phone in hand. “What’s that, big man?”

“The tracker on Neron’s phone, it’s finally moving!” Ray scooted into the booth where John was sitting. Across from them, Mick lowered a book he’d nicked from the coffeehouse’s shelf to listen. “See, look!”

John grabbed the phone and looked at the screen, smiling when he saw the dot slowly moving. At least they’d found the bastard. For the past few hours, they’d been at a coffeeshop, waiting for any sign of him moving somewhere. Until now, there had been nothing.

“Right, let’s go,” John stood up and climbed over Ray to get out of the booth. “We can’t let him slip away.”

“Shouldn’t we alert Sara and the others first?” asked Ray as he and Mick followed him. “The last time we went after Neron, he got inside your head.”

“And I’m not making that mistake again,” John snapped back as he pushed the door open and strode out onto the street. “We just need to follow that tracker now.”

“And then we find the dweeb,” Mick muttered, catching the door as it started to swing shut on him. “We’re gonna need a car.”

“Oh, I can use my app to get-”

“Takes too long,” Mick told Ray as he moved to the front. “I can get one faster.”

John followed as Mick took them down a few streets, slipping his hand into the pocket of his trench coat to pull out Gary’s glasses.

Ray glanced over at him. “So you got deep with Lucifer when he asked you about Gary.”

“Don’t even start getting all sappy on me.”

“All I was going to say was that I think it’s sweet. You agreed to owe the Devil a favor for the tracking of Gary’s phone because you care about him that much. But what do we do when we find him?”

“I’m getting the demon out of him,” John answered. “Look, I can send any old demon to hell, but Neron? He can never come back ever. I won’t give him the chance after I shove him in the deepest darkest hole I can find. Spell like that requires a lot of energy. That’s why I went shopping this afternoon, to get something together to give myself that boost.”

“Aw, you’d do all that for Gary?”

“According to Sara, you stole a jumpship with Damien Darhk, saved Nora from losing herself to Mallus, and then helped her escape from the Time Bureau by passing over-”

“Okay, I get it,” Ray held up his hands in surrender. “But I never carried anything of hers with me when she was possessed.”

John dropped the glasses back in the pocket and pulled his hand away from sharply. “We still need a car.”

An engine started and they turned to see Mick rolling down the passenger window. “Get in.”

“Aw, we just got bailed out this morning, Mick,” whined Ray.

“Oh, you’d steal a car if Nora Darhk’s life was on the line,” John scowled as he climbed inside.

“…point taken.”

~~~

“You promised fun. This isn’t even a decent club.”

“I never said it was,” Neron purred. “But I’m certain we’ll still have our fun here.”

              Maze rolled her eyes as she and Neron moved through the humans dancing and bouncing to the beat of the music. Sweat, alcohol, and perfume of so many human bodies cogged the air. Lights flashed different colors, bathing the two demons in blues, reds, greens, and yellows. Some humans were lurking in dark corners, exchanging drugs for money or getting extremely intimate. It reminded Maze of the Flesh Factory where some soul traders operated out of.

“You promised me a night like old times,” she shouted to Neron. “Where is it?”

“Take a look up at the top by those tables.”

              She followed the direction his finger was pointing to spot of group clustered on the balcony. It took a moment before she recognized them, or at least placed the mug shots. All of them belonged to one of the more despicable gangs of LA. Each of them was wanted for something from aggravated assault to human trafficking to murder. She’d tried to hunt them down last night but had come up with a dead end. Now they were in this backwater craphole of a nightclub.

“Now you see it, Maze,” said Neron as she turned back to him. “I didn’t bring you here for overpriced and watered-down booze.”

“What do you want, a thank you?”

“Hey, there’s more than that crew who are guilty. Just take a look around you at all the people deserving of punishment that we can give them. Or they can do it to themselves.”

              He had a point once she really started to look around the club. An unattended drink was getting something added to it. A soul in the corner had their denials ignored. Two bouncers leading a couple towards an unmarked door. LA was not a place for saints, but some sins could not be left unpunished.

“So what do you say?” Neron asked as red, then yellow light flashed on his face. “Up for reliving the good old days?”

Maze slipped on her most twisted smile. “The ones upstairs are mine. But save some down here for me.”

His eyes glowed red. “No promises.”

              One of the girls by the bar suddenly smashed a glass over the head of a man lurking nearby before wrapping her hands around his neck. A brawl started on the dance floor as Maze made a move to the balcony. She’d had the good sense to arm herself before leaving with Neron, although she didn’t expect to be pulling weapons out so soon. She wasn’t going to complain too much about it as long as it got her close to him.

“Move, doll,” one of the targets growled as she approached their table.

The tempo of the music accelerated before she grabbed the back of his head and slammed it into the table.

~~~

              Neron watched Maze descend into the fight with her bounties above. On the ground level, most of the patrols were fighting each other or trying to escape. He dodged a man throwing another onto the floor and pummeling him before another woman leapt on him and started punching him. Whistling to himself, Neron slipped through the fights to the main entrance to pick up the stamp that had been used for the club that night. He swapped it out for the original stamp while pocketing the one with his seal. He’d stuck it there earlier in the daytime to make sure he could get souls as soon as possible. His power had been steadily growing through the night, so he was getting them just like he’d planned.

              He wasn’t sure how long it was before he started hearing the sirens. As soon as they went off, people scatter and rush towards the exits. Neron scanned the crowds for Maze before he watched her leap down from the balcony onto the stage. Running with her, they made it out the back exit where they’d first entered. Maze lead them away from the police cars and towards the next block where they’d parked.

“That…was a rush,” she laughed. “I can’t remember the last time I ran away from the cops. Forgot how much fun it could be.”

“The night’s not over yet, Maze. Could get a chance to do it again.”

“Hm. Good enough. Any other bounties I’ve been searching for going to pop up tonight?”

“Potentially. Are you ready for more?”

A smirk crept across her face. “Where to next?”

~~~

“We’re too late,” Ava murmured as they saw the flashing lights. “Stay here, I’m going in to talk to someone.”

“Be careful,” warned Sara as the director got out of the car.

              Ava nodded and shut the door, staring ahead of her at the mess. She weaved through the onlookers, flashing an FBI badge when she had to. Since the Time Bureau wasn’t public knowledge, so all agents were given FBI badges that could be changed to correspond to the era they were in. There were some prototypes of a Time Bureau badge that could double as an FBI badge, but they weren’t making any replacements for agents soon.

“You,” she addressed the cop who approached her as she crossed the police tape, flashing the badge. “What happened here?”

“Fight broke out. Sounds like mass hysteria of some sort.”

“Mass hysteria,” Ava frowned as a black bag was rolled out of the club. “Anything else?”

“No. What’s the FBI doing here?”

“Searching for a person of interest,” Ava began as her phone rang. “Hold on- Hello?”

“Aves, we gotta go,” Sara told her. “Zee and Charlie are listening to the 911 call center. They just got a call in about two people attacking someone, and guess who matches the description of one suspect?”

“Gary- Neron, I mean,” Ava shook her head. “I’m coming back.”

“Ma’am,” the cop said behind her. “Your person of interest-”

“I have an updated location, I have to go. Thank you though.”

              She ducked back under the tape and ran through the crowd to hop back into the car. Sara’s hands were tapping the wheel while Des held a phone towards the middle of the car and Nora spoke. Zari and Charlie were back on the Waverider to hold down the fort and because the car they were borrowing could only seat four. Even though Sara had offered to ride what she referred to as ‘college-style’, Charlie had suggested that some stay behind in the event their missing Legends returned.

“Ava’s back now, but keep us updated,” Nora was saying before hanging up the phone as Sara drove them away from the club.

“So Neron found a friend?”

“Seems like it,” Nora sighed. “Not sure why he’s beating up random people though. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.”

“But the club does,” Des jerked a thumb in the direction they’d come from. “He wants souls, and there’s plenty he could have struck a deal with in there.”

“Makes sense,” Sara agreed. “Souls are power, right? He’s probably charging up for whatever he’s going to pull next.”

Silence settled over everyone until they stopped at a red light, then Des opened his mouth. “She’s right. LA has so many people who he can easily go after. Everyone here wants something, which makes them vulnerable. A nightclub like that one is the perfect place for finding desperate souls to strike deals with.”

“But not even Neron can get to that many people,” Ava murmured. “Following his chaos puts us on his trail, but it also keeps us a step behind. We need to be waiting for him before he gets anyone else.”

Sara nodded as the light turned green. “Nora, call Zari and Charlie. See if they can access the street cameras to find Neron or his friend. Or even John and the others.”

“Lucifer could be holding them hostage for all we know,” Des murmured, fingering the charm hanging from his neck. “But if anyone can give the Devil a run for his money, it’s Johnny.”

“Ray might have him beat,” Nora’s lips twitched into a smile. “He can nice his way out of anything. But are we even certain Lucifer’s working with Neron? Des, we met his therapist-”

Ava spun around in the seat. “Sorry, the Devil has a therapist?”

“Yeah, it threw us too. We don’t even know anything about it but going to therapy is a good thing. Why throw any progress away the second a demon comes into town?”

“I don’t know,” Ava rubbed her temples. “I just want to get Neron contained right now. He’s taken out two of my agents, I don’t want him to take out anyone else, especially not you.”

“That’s a good first step,” Sara smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. “And right now, that’s all we need.”

“Yeah,” Ava nodded, squeezing back.

~~~

“I still wouldn’t have minded killing that one.”

Maze balanced the point of her knife on the dashboard. “Believe me, I wanted to. But stringing him up brought us enough attention already. We had to run.”

“We couldn’t just let a few intestines spill out?” pouted Neron.

“No, but don’t worry. When the police find out what he’s guilty of, he’ll be going away for a long time. The inmates will take care of the rest of his punishment.”

“Yeah,” Neron sighed. “But we could have made him suffer longer.”

“Humans get things over with too quickly So is that all you had planned?”

“Tired already?” he taunted.

Maze scowled. “Bored. I’m thinking about pinning your hand to the wheel for fun.”

“I wouldn’t say no, but he will start screaming again,” Neron tapped the side of his head. “Don’t worry, we’ll be there soon enough.”

“Another filthy club?”

The car stopped at a red light. Purple and yellow from a nearby sign glowed behind the other demon as he turned to face her. “How do you feel about illegal fights?”

Maze leaned back into her seat. “What kind of humans will be there?”

“The worst kind. The ones who play with human lives, then sleep soundly at night. But when they turn on each other, it’s especially satisfying.”

“I can remember,” Maze murmured as the light turned green. It hadn’t been the first time that she and Neron had gone after people like that. “Take me there.”

~~~

“He’s stopped now,” Ray held out the phone through the car window to John. “He’s going to be there for a while.”

“Good. We just missed him at that club,” John said as he flicked his lighter closed. “This has got to be the slowest pump in the whole city.”

“Haircut won’t let me steal another car,” grumbled Mick. “I didn’t know it needed gas when I stole it.”

“Look, we’re lucky that John switched out the license plates, but it’s still a stolen car. Someone’s going to be missing it!”

“And they’ll find it. Eventually.”

              John tuned out their bickering and stepped towards the front of the car. Leaning against the hood, he pulled the broken glasses out of his pocket again. Smudges from his thumbs were visible now on the lenses. At this point, it was becoming habit to pull the glasses out and think of Gary. He couldn’t eve recall how many times today he’d looked at them when the others weren’t watching him.

              He’d had his guard down at Lux. Tonight would not see a repeat of that mistake. This time, he was prepared and ready for a fight. When they got close enough, he’d perform the spell to give him that extra bit of strength. Provided that Neron hadn’t been smart with his time and didn’t collect too many souls, John could send the demon to the deepest, darkest pit of Hell. That would be enough to end the madness while sparing Gary’s life. The alternative way to defeat Neron was…

No, nope. He was not going down that train of thought.

Something hit the hood, making John jump before he saw Ray. “Gas is full, Neron’s still in one place. Ready?”

“Yeah. Rory, you better break the speed limit getting there.”

“I’m gonna.”

“But road safety-”

“Can stick it, Haircut.”

~~~

“They’ve stopped there for awhile now,” Charilie explained while watching the camera feed of the dark alley. “Someone didn’t want anyone else to see this place. We’re the only ones who can see it, the city’s got nothing.”

“How are you seeing it then?”

“Because we have a Zari and they don’t. Address is being sent to you right now, and Zee and I will be on our way.”

“Charlie, we need someone on the ship. If he moves again, we have to know.”

“I’m bringing a phone with me, Zee’s already gotten it into the traffic cameras. Besides, he’s got his lady friend with him. You’re going to need all the help you can get.”

Sara sighed. “Fine, but you’re going to have to find your own way to get here.”

“I’ve got it covered,” Charlie smirked. “Oh, and we’ve been seeing people going in fancy clothes, so you might wanna clean up first.”

“We’ll figure that out. See you there.”

They hung up the phone as Zari came down into the cargo bay. Charlie gazed at the sight of her in the red dress with her hair pulled back. “Stunning.”

“Thanks. Ready for this?”

“Totally,” Charlie tossed a helmet to Zari. “Him setting the rogue beings on us nearly got me killed. I’ve been wanting revenge for that even before he body-hopped Gary. Now put that on.”

“What for?”

Charlie led Zari out of the ship to show off the motorcycle. “Gotta keep that brilliant brain protected.”

Zari bit back a grin. “Do I want to know where you got that?”

“Probably not, now hop on. We’ve got demons to meet.”

“And send to hell,” Zari added. She barely had time to grab onto Charlie before they were off.

~~~

              The underground fight club Neron had discovered during the day was the complete opposite of the first place he and Maze had been to. Everyone was in dresses or tuxes as waiters moved around with trays. The lighting was dim save for a few spotlights on a caged arena where two men were fighting. People were either talking to each other on the floor or balcony or watching the fight. Cheers went up now and then whenever a nasty blow was landed.

              Despite the glamor the club offered, Neron knew the souls within these walls were no better than any others they’d encountered that night. They were just as greedy, desperate, and corrupt, except they had greater material wealth. You had to pay a pretty penny to get into here, and Neron had found a way to get that for him and Maze. He’d also wrangled his way into buying all the souls who were in here tonight. So many new souls were coming into his possession and he felt his powers growing steadily.

“I’ve seen humans doing this before,” Maze remarked on the fight as a waiter brought them their drinks. “When Lucifer first summoned me from Hell, he and Amenadiel were looking into a place just like this.”

“Did you like it?”

“Eh, would have liked to fight in it, but they beat me to it. Then Lucifer bought the place and it became Lux.”

Neron glanced around, finding a soul he hadn’t yet claimed. “You still want to fight? Because I can make that happen.”

“How?”

“I might have come by earlier and put you up for a fight. Figured you wouldn’t turn down a chance to beat a low-life human.”

“I only punish the guilty,” Maze muttered while sipping her drink. “You should know that, we used to do it together.”

Neron rotated his glass on the table they stood by as the larger of the two fighters began to viciously pummel his opponent. “They’re all guilty of something. But I happen to know that the one you’re facing had killed several times. He has guilt.”

Her eyes were drifting over to the arena, so he kept on goading her. “Go on, you can’t have worn yourself out already. You don’t have to wait for him to die to punish him.”

In one swift motion, Maze downed the rest of her drink. “Fine. Maybe I’ll actually get a real challenge tonight.”

“Maybe you will, but you don’t want to be late for it.”

              Maze smirked and slid away from the table towards the arena. Neron watched her go speak to a person taking bets as a slow smile spread across his face. He’d been unsure if she’d still be the Maze he remembered when he first found her again, but she had proved that nothing had changed. She could be trusted, or at least as much as a demon could trust another. Maybe she’d even be-

              A sudden sensation of being watching crept over him. Slowly, Neron turned to observe the rest of the room surrounding him. On the balcony, he caught a flash of blonde disappearing behind a man whose aura screamed douchey scumbag lawyer. It could have been nothing at all, just paranoia.

But if the Legends had decided to follow him…

~~~

              From the balcony, Ava could see everything in the club. Sara was over by the betting table on the ground floor. Underneath her, Des had parked himself by a wall. Nora was over near an exit. None of them stood out thanks to the outfits that Nora and Des had glamoured for them. Neron wouldn’t see them coming.

“Ava?”

She turned to see Zari standing at the top of the stairs in a red dress. “Zari, you’re here.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t easy,” the hacker explained as she approached her. “Charlie came too. They’re down below with Sara.”

“That’s good news,” sighed the director. “I’m still looking for…”

Ava trailed off as she spotted Gary’s body standing by a table. “Neron.”

“I see him,” Zari murmured. “And he’s alone too.”

“I’ve got eyes on him,” Ava alerted the others through her comm. “He’s on the ground. We have a shot for an ambush. No one is nearby him.”

“For now. Still, we can-”

              Whatever Zari was going to say was cut off as Neron looked up directly at them. Even with the distance, Ava could still see the demon smirking at them as he raised the glass in his hand up to them. Any hope they’d had of ambushing him went right out the window. But that didn’t mean they had to leave. They could still attack him and find out where the rest of the Legends had gone.

“He saw us,” Ava’s mouth felt dry as she pressed her comm again. “Hey, Sara, Nora, Des, he’s seen us.”

“Bollocks.”

“What Charlie said,” scowled Sara. “We’re not going to surprise him now, but we need to go through on our attack soon.”

“She’s right,” Nora agreed as new fighters came into the arena. “But there’s too many people in here. How are they going to react to this? We need to get them out first.”

“And how do we do that?”

“Des, if I knew, I’d have done it by now.”

A moment passed as the fight began between a mountain of a man and a dark-haired woman who looked more like a guest than a contender.

“You know, there are alarms in here,” Charlie spoke up suddenly. “People hear a loud enough sound in a place that ain’t real legal, they’ll run.”

“So will Neron.”

“He’s a demon, he’ll like the chaos. It’ll distract him. All we need is a little spark to set everything off though.”

Nora snorted softly. “I’ve got this. No one panic though.”

“What are you planning on doing?” Ava asked as she heard something crackle on the other end. “Nora?”

The fire alarms started blaring and the sprinklers started to spit water.

~~~

              As the sprinklers went off above during the alarms, guests began to turn and run for their lives. Neron remained where he was standing, teeth now grinding together. The Legends were indeed here, and they were trying to isolate him by driving away the humans so they could surround him. Whatever they wanted to do here tonight wouldn’t be successful. He had enough souls, enough power to hold onto this host and kill those tried to take it away.

“NO!”

“Oh yes,” Neron laughed out loud, now all alone as the last guest ran past him. “And to think, if you’d never offered yourself up to me, you’d never have to watch yourself murder them.”

He turned in time to see Ava and Zari gliding down on a current of air. Sara, Nora, Charlie, and Des were approaching on the ground. Nora flicked her hands as Charlie shifted, dropping all the glamours save for Zari and extinguishing the fire in the corner. They were ready for a fight.

“So,” sneered the demon. “Shall we begin?”

~~~

“Almost there!” Ray shouted as Mick yanked the wheel to the right.

John unclipped his seat beat, ready to jump out at a moment’s notice. He’d already performed the spell on himself while they were on the last block, so he was ready to go. Banishing Neron while keeping Gary’s body and soul intact was going to be a tough one.

“Take it easy on the next-” he started before his face smacked into the back of Ray’s seat when Mick slammed the brakes. “Hey!”

“I’m not going to hit a person!” Mick shouted, gesturing to a woman wobbling past them in high heels and a hot pink dress. “Haircut’s already pissed at me.”

John tuned out Ray arguing back to see dozens of people, all dressed up, fleeing for their lives. He narrowed his eyes as he found where they were running from.

“We go on foot from here.”

~~~

              Neron struck out telekinetically first before they could fight, sending them flying backwards. Zari was the first back up on her feet, sending a wind that smacked him over an abandoned table. Once he was back on his feet, Sara flung two knives at him. The first sliced his arm, but Neron stopped the second in midair two inches from his chest with a raised hand. He grabbed it by the handle and after a split-second hesitation, threw it back at Sara, who ducked as it whistled past her head.

“Sara Lance,” Neron taunted, but his voice was female suddenly. “Is this all you’re made of?”

              Des watched shock flicker over the captain’s face before it hardened to determination. Whoever’s voice Neron had just used must have been someone important to her. When Neron had approached him, Des remembered he’d used the voice of a favorite uncle who’d died nearly a decade ago. This was a tactic to catch victims off guard and then manipulate them. He wanted Sara angry and distracted.

Sara flicked open her staves. “I take it you’re not going to leave that body if we ask you nicely?”

“Nah, I happen to like this one. People don’t suspect much of him. Besides, he’s cute, like a little pet.”

Ava now drew out her own baton.

“Well, if that’s how it’s going to be,” Neron scoffed again in the woman’s voice. “So be it.”

              The couple and the demon ran at each other. Charlie grabbed a wine bottle and smashed the end over a chair before rushing into the fight as well. Des spotted Zari helping Nora up from where she’d been against a wall. He quickly ran over to them while Neron was distracted.

“We need to restrain him,” he told Nora, who was grimacing a little and rubbing her head. “Ready?”

“What are you two going to do?” Zari asked, throwing her hand out to divert a broken glass away from Charlie’s neck.

“We’re going to trap him,” Nora told her. “When I tell you to, get the others away from him.”

              Zari nodded as Nora took a deep breath and started to chant. Des joined her, his voice blending with hers to sound like one. When a golden ring started to form around Neron’s feet, they nodded towards Zari. With her totem, the hacker wrapped tendrils of air around their allies and pulled them back. Neron realized what was happening too late, roaring and trying to leave the circle. He bounced right off it and his true face surfaced in anger. It still sent a shudder down Des’s spine, but the charm was working and he wasn’t feeling sick.

“Let me out!” bellowed Neron, pounding on the barrier.

“Like we would even dare,” a familiar voice came from behind. “And here I thought I was going to have to do all the work myself.”

Des spun around, smiling when he saw John, Mick, and Ray walking down towards them.

~~~

“We thought Neron had you!” Nora told Ray once she’d hugged him before pushing him back. “We were worried!”

“We got arrested because of him,” Mick grumbled, glaring at Neron. “The Devil let us out, gave us a tracker for his phone, and now Trench Coat owes him one.”

Ava looked at John. “You made a deal with the Devil?”

“I just own Lucifer a favor, that’s it and I’ll deal with it later. Right now, our problem’s right there.”

He pointed to Neron and the ring, which was showing shadowy cracks. “That’s not going to hold him much longer. I have to get him out of Gary now while I have the chance.”

“You send stuff to hell all the time,” Sara shrugged. “This isn’t any different except it’s Gary.”

“He’s not going to the doorstep. I’m sending him to the deepest, darkest pit there is.”

“Oooo, I’m so scared.”

“Shut up!” Ava snarled, then turned to John. “Do it.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” he told her before turning to Nora and Des. “As soon as that ring’s down, I need you two to hold him in place. Don’t touch him, just use your magic. If this goes badly, the rest of you need to be ready.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Will it?”

“Who knows, but I’m not taking chances.”

“Awww, that’s how you’re preparing them for death?” Neron laughed. “Is that what you told Astra? And the last Gary? Des, did he tell you that too? I can’t recall.”

John ground his teeth, refusing to let the demon get the best of him. The containment ring around Neron was ready to break, which was not a good sign. Nora and Des’s combined efforts should have been more than strong enough to hold Neron. If he was breaking through, then that meant he was getting more powerful.

“Are we going to get on with this or not?” Neron slammed his hands against the barrier as the golden ring finally dissipated.

              As it fell, John saw Neron watching him, but it didn’t really feel like Neron. His eyes looked different, almost as if they showed feeling. John tilted his head before he saw the tear trickle down out of his right eye. That wasn’t Neron crying, but Gary. He was still trapped within his body with Neron, just not at the controls. If everything worked, he’d be back there in no time.

“Hang in there, Gary,” John ordered as Des and Nora worked their magic and held Neron in place. “Just a little longer.”

He knew the exorcism better than the alphabet, repeating it over and over as Neron struggled and roared. Ray was looking on in pity. Nora was grimacing and Des looked strained by the effort. Still, he kept going despite losing confidence.

Suddenly, a desperate cry came out of Gary’s mouth. “John!”

“Gary?” John stopped chanting. “Gary, is that you?”

“It’s me!” Gary sobbed, falling to his knees. “He’s still in me. You just weakened him and I pushed him down, but he’s fighting. I can’t hold him; he’s going to come back!”

“Just hang on, Gary,” Ava stepped forward. “We’re going to get him out.”

But Gary shook his head. “You-you can’t. He’s too powerful now. You can’t get him out alone. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

“Gary-”

“He’s done things and it’s all my fault! I wanted to be a hero. I just wanted to save John, but I made everything worse! I made it so much worse!”

“You never had to do that!” John shouted as he stepped closer despite the warning Sara called out. “You should have just let him take me instead of giving yourself over! I don’t deserve to be saved, Gary! You should know that!”

“Yes, you do! I told you, there’s…” Gary shuddered. “There’s a whole Bureau of Time Agents, but one John Constantine. And- and you and I know what you have to do to stop this.”

“NO!” Ava yelled, stepping forward with Sara. “Gary, I swear, we’re going to- oh my god, your hands!”

“It’s nothing,” Gary shuddered again as he tried to hide the burns and scrapes on them. “Nothing compared to what he’s going to do! You can’t let him win. Don’t send him to hell! You have to kill him!”

“What’s Neron going to do?” demanded Sara. “Tell us, Gary!”

“He’s gonna…no,” Gary’s eyes rolled into the back of his head before he screamed. “No, no, no! Make it stop! Stop! It hurts! Stop, please!”

“He’s coming back!” Zari yelled.

“Everyone get back and get ready!” Sara ordered, her arms coming out in front of Ava.

“Gary!” John shouted as the man began to shudder. “Come on, Gary, fight it!”

“He can’t!” Des shook his head. “What do we do?”

“Dweeb said to kill ‘em!” Mick lifted the heat gun.

Charlie stepped in front of the gun. “Mick, no!”

“He nearly killed you!”

“Rory’s right, Charlie,” Zari nodded. “And you heard Gary.”

“But he’s still in there!” Ray protested. “You all saw him! You could hear him!”

“How certain are you that we just heard Gary when Neron fooled the Bureau for a week?!” Nora shrieked.

“Oh, you ask the good questions,” came a chuckle. “I won’t tell you, and you’re not getting an encore. You don’t have to hear crying, blubbering Gary ever again.”

              The arguing had distracted John from Neron climbing back up against Nora and Des’s magic. The veins in his face were turning back as he fought to raise his hands, making those familiar with Mallus gasp. John opened his mouth to start the exorcism again, but Neron swiped his hand out.  He was thrown backwards while the rest of the Legends prepared to go on the offensive. Nora and Des still tried to hold the spell, but they were outmatched.

“Such a shame, Johnny,” Neron taunted as glasses started to shatter all around the room. “Maybe you could have forced me out if you’d gotten to me a few hours ago. But now, too late. I’ve been stocking up on my souls, and you know what that means.”

Pieces of glass rose up to form a spinning vortex above his head. Nora reacted immediately, dropping her spell to shield her eyes. Des didn’t give in and kept it up to hold Neron. The demon smiled at his former host as two spikes of glass left the cloud and shot towards Des and Nora.

“No!” Ray shouted.

~~~

              Des shut his eyes, waiting for the sting of the glass, but it never came. What came was the weight of the cord holding his anti-demon charm falling away from his neck. He snapped his eyes open, first seeing Ray on the ground with a shard of glass in his shoulder, then John hurtling two fireballs at Neron, and finally his charm on the ground. Too late he realized that he was exposed as Neron looked at him with glowing eyes.

Then he wasn’t in a trashed room, but the bar where he had met John in New Orleans all by himself.

“Johnny?” Des called. “Nora? Captain Lance? Hello?”

“Oh Dezzy,” his own voice chuckled behind him, making Des whirl around to see himself sitting on the counter. “You really fell for that hook, line, and sinker.”

Other him’s face shifted and Des felt sick. “What did you do? Where are they?”

“How should I know?” Neron yawned. “I’m still looking but you’ve been getting too complacent. So I thought making you think you’d been rescued would recharge your misery.”

“What?”

“It wasn’t real, Dezzy. I’m still inside you. In fact, I never left. The Legends, Johnny, LA, it was all an illusion. They were never here, and you were never there.”

“No,” Des shook his head, struggling to remember how to breathe.

“Yes,” Neron nodded. “You know where you are. Where you’ve been this whooole time…in HELL!”

“NO! NO! NO!”

~~~

“What did you do to him?” John roared as Des screamed and writhed on the ground. “What did you do?”

“Eh, he just thinks he’s back in Hell,” Neron shrugged. “Maybe he’ll be fine.”

              Ava spared a look in Des’s direction as he grabbed his head and started wailing. She’d witnessed Neron’s power back at the Bureau and right here, but this was more than some telekinetic attack. Maybe he hadn’t used it then, or he’d gained it with more souls. Whatever it was, he was making Des think he was somewhere else. Ava couldn’t let herself or Sara fall victim to that.

“And he’s not the only one I can toy-”

Without thinking, she stepped in front of Sara with a gun. “Touch any of them and I’ll do what I couldn’t do at the Bureau.”

“Would you?” the face she’d long associated with loyalty and annoyance sneered at her. “Because a week ago, I could rip apart an entire agent and get away without a scratch. How much can I get away with this time before you shoot me?”

“I’ll do it this time,” Ava threatened, eyeing the rotating circle of glass. “Gary told us to kill you, so I’ll do it.”

“You can’t!” John shook his head at her while Zari and Charlie ran forward to drag Des towards safety. “Don’t do it, Sharpie.”

“Well, she can do whatever she wants,” Neron groaned. “You don’t control her. But you do know killing me…means you kill Gary too. But that’s no huge loss to you, right?”

Ava took too long to lie. “No.”

Neron smirked. “You can’t.”

“Just walk back, Ava,” Sara told her. “You don’t have to do it.”

“True,” Neron’s voice changed to a rough English accent. “None of you would, except Killer here.”

John stiffened, fear flashing in his eyes momentarily. This was someone he knew, that was clear.

“Wherever he goes, he brings death and destruction,” Neron continued to speak in that voice. “And he knows it. You’re a damned man, and you’re going to drag everyone you touch down with you to suffer forever.”

John was shaking with rage now as fire blazed to life in his hands.

“Oh, did I strike a nerve?”

              Ava thought about firing the gun at Neron’s shoulder, but John threw his fireballs first. Some of the glass shot down to form a sort of shield in front of him. When Neron raised his hand again, Zari flung hers out, air currents gusting past to slam Neron into the cage of the arena. It was disorienting enough for him for Sara to throw another knife that stuck in his side. A cry of pain came from his mouth, but whether it belonged to him or Gary was unclear. Mick stepped forward next, heat gun poised to fire as Charlie looked up and-

A knife shot past them, knocking the gun from Mick’s hand. Stunned, everyone turned in the direction it had come from. A second later, a second knife buried itself in John’s arm, making him yell out in pain. Neron took advantage of the distraction and the glass cluster above exploded outwards like a thousand tiny thorns. Ava ducked underneath a table with Sara, only getting hit by a few shards. When she looked out, she saw Neron and the woman who had been fighting in the arena earlier running for the exit. She turned to look back at them and Ava recognized the woman who’d been in Lux that morning.

For a split second, their eyes locked. Then her face contorted into a demonic one and she disappeared through the door.

“We can’t let them get away!” yelled Charlie, half their face bleeding from little pinpricks of glass. “Let’s go!”

But Sara shook her head. “No.”

“But-”

“We’re all back together.”

Ray shook his head. “Not all of us.”

“Enough of us,” Sara clarified as they heard a growing wail of sirens. “He’s hurt, but so are we. We lick our wounds and make a new plan.”

Ava nodded as she helped John to his feet. Her phone was vibrating in her pocket. While the Legends limped out and evaded the police, she pulled it out and saw Hank Heywood had called.

Yeah, she’d deal with that tomorrow.

~~~

“You know, I didn’t think you’d come for me,” Neron sighed as he finished bandaging the knife wound in his hotel room. “Thought I was going to get beaten up by the Legends.”

“You were my ride,” commented Maze, a hotel toothbrush spinning between her fingers. “Plus, it wasn’t like I could leave you there.”

Neron cocked his head at her. “And why not? Because you’ve had no problem shooting my hosts before.”

The toothbrush stopped twirling. “And you haven’t stuck a knife in mine before?”

“We’re demons, it’s what we do,” he shrugged. “But we haven’t seen each other in a long time. Why did you stay? You could have run off with everyone else, but instead you hid in the shadows and went after the Legends.”

“So?”

“You’ve been more than happy to leave me for dead before. Why not tonight?”

Maze threw the toothbrush onto the counter. “I haven’t seen another demon in years until you came along. Maybe I missed you or whatever.”

He could understand that. When he’d been in Hell with Des, he’d asked about some of the other demons. Until he learned she had gone with Lucifer to Earth, Neron had wondered if she’d been killed. The thought of Maze being gone had not sat well with him. For ages, Lucifer had dispatched them to go collect souls on Earth before he decided to start going his own way. They had known each other so long. Even for demons, that meant something.

“I can’t believe I’ve actually missed you,” he told her. “Tonight reminded me of all the good times we used to have.”

A smirk flirted along her lips as she stepped closer to him. “You might be the worst, but sometimes you’re fun. We did have a lot of fun back then.”

“We can still have fun,” he suggested. “You wanted to know why I was here, didn’t you?”

“And it wasn’t to reunite with me?”

He rolled his eyes at the sarcasm. “How do you feel about joining forces with me again?”

“Is Tabitha coming along for the ride?”

“If I can get her out, she’s all for it.”

“She’s fun,” Maze’s eyes glittered with bright interest. “So what do you have in mind?”

~~~

Two hours later, Maze was slipping out of the hotel room. She had come close to falling back into who she’d been. The night had been fun and tempted, but she held onto herself and didn’t lose it. For centuries, she and Neron had known each other, hunted souls together. They had a history between them that had been built with hate and blood and tortured souls. That might have once meant something to her, but not anymore.

              On the other hand, she could still use it against Neron. He had told her the plan she knew he’d had up his sleeve. Why he was on Earth, why he’d come to Los Angeles, what the endgame was, every damn dirty detail. Maze knew it all and had his trust. He’d wanted her in his plan after all. Right now, he was in the mindset that she was fully onboard with everything and would stand by his side.

Truthfully, she couldn’t wait to bury a knife in his back. Neron could not be allowed to succeed. For the sake of Linda, Trixie, Chloe, Ella, and Dan, his plan could never become reality.

~~~

“Detective, I know you’re still angry with me. This is the fifth voicemail I’ve left you and you still haven’t called me back. What happened at Lux, I was wrong to do that. I want to explain myself and everything. I’m…I’m sorry. Call me back.”

He wanted to add a warning to stay away from Neron, but he ran out of time. Lucifer set the phone down on the counter with a sigh. He’d already told her to watch out for him in the second and third voicemails.

A rustle of wings came from behind him and Lucifer sighed. “You know what time of night it is? There’s a reason I picked LA and not NYC.”

“Yet you’re still awake,” Amenadiel pointed out as Lucifer turned around. “What happened with Chloe?”

“A demon,” Lucifer spat. “One I created, Neron. He’s back in town. Maze is watching him tonight.”

His brother stiffened. “Why is another demon here?”

“I don’t know,” the fallen one sighed. “But it cannot be in our favor.”

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x07 watching notes

In Which It Is Now Completely Apparent Which Of Buck And Leming Are Writing A Scene At Any Given Time

or

A Tale Of Lizbob Being Tormented By Toddlers

Hello it is 3:32am and I am awake from a dream of what the episode might have been (plus side: overt Destiel motel room sharing, downside: Jack accidentally killed Dean) because my tantruming toddler neighbour who just moved into the haunted house next door was screaming, and threw something at our adjoining wall. At 3am. So I'm not exactly well-rested and I'm kinda pissed, which isn't the best combo for a Buckleming episode, but when you wake up with a scream and a thump, you aren't going back to sleep for a lil while :P

-

Kudos to the rest of the writing team, we're 7 episodes in and I've thoroughly forgotten Nick exists. I've just been assuming he was caught, featured on a true crime program, and is already gone and locked up for the new murder and likely solving of a cold case.

-

Ahahahaaaa the opening of the recap is "when it comes to killing you, I'll be the one to do it" so that's ominous. As you might tell, my psyche is utterly wrapped around this whole Shakespearean tragedy of Jack vs Dean, and perhaps they're not gonna murder each other today but the constant reminders they're living in a murder or get murdered delicate thematic plot balance is exactly the sort of thing that we need to have hanging over their dynamic, as well of course as being the start point of their relationship to show how far they've come and how much they've changed and now love each other and how just last episode Dean got in his "fine i have a son now" episode a season or two later than everyone else and just in time for it to be "so now you bonded with him of course he's caught Doom because you can't have nice things for literally a single episode and this is your fault for bonding with him, Dean"

-

This recap is designed to wound me, a Jack fan and lover of how TFW loves their son

-

Ew, it's Nick. The first time in my life I've been tempted to skip at least a lil of the recap.

-

Imagine how tight it would have been to just do a 10 second "here's Jack" recap and cut to the action

-

and the action includes an episode without Nick stealing time from the boy

-

You know i spend exactly 0 time speculating on how Eugenie might write her personal fave bits of the episodes but if you had to throw together "nick is now a serial killer ritually murdering priests on a satanic bender" then that would have been a pretty close thing to what I could have come up with as distilled Buckleming essence. (gross)

There's a vague continued overlap of the human!Cas arc with the parallel to the open of 9x03 and the general aesthetic of season 11's Lucifer's satanic rampage bender thrown together but you know what that's more meta than this arc deserves and my boy is sick

-

OH NO CAS IS THE ONE WATCHING OVER HIM ABORT ABORT

-

His grace looks pathetic. Maybe he's trying not to wake Jack up. Maybe he doesn't have a whole lot left.

-

That's not helping, Cas

-

ANXIOUS PARENTS OUTSIDE HIS ROOM

I bet Cas sent them away because they were hovering

-

Dean this is not what happens to kids, stop trying to kid yourself that this is like having a regular demonic toddler

-

Man am I glad I do not have kids right now both because I don't have to worry about them and also because they scream and throw stuff at the walls at 3am

-

Dean angry at Cas cuz he's worried about Jack oh no oh no oh no look at these stressed parents. Cas is forced into the doctor role because he magic but he is just as stressed as they are and tensions are high, and then the boy starts convulsing

-

Oh my god they snapped, they are actually bringing Jack to an emergency room. This is horrifying and kind of a trip to imagine what they're going to tell any authority figures about who this guy is and what their relationship is to him.

Do they remember that he has barcode fingerprints and probably is gonna be Medically Weird just as default?

(Alex is 29 like me and Misha is early 40s and Jimmy is canonically a year older than Misha for some reason, so at a push Cas could be his dad and have made some very early mistakes but the boy is biologically only like 10 years younger than them on average... JACK looks another half that at times but this is a hospital so idk if "smiles like a toddler" "early teenage adorableness" is a good measure of age)

-

(I'm stress-typing)

-

"His full name, please"

All 3 dads look at each other baffled.

Sam goes with Jack Kline, which, a season and a bit later, is the first canonical use of it as Jack's surname

They're cautious about using Winchester, understandably, but it's a nice reminder that Kelly is family too and as the dead parent, naming Jack in tribute to her should have been something they were doing all along (like, season 13 all along), especially as he even visited the Klines earlier this season. Sam being the one who thinks to do this is nice because he's the most dad-aligned to Jack in a traditional sense when it's come to raising him (Cas got the pre-birth role as the traditional father role) and Cas obviously had the strongest connection to Kelly before that but this isn't a moment about her so much as these 3 stressed dads.

-

LOL Date of birth. Sam wins another point for knowing it, while Dean makes back and forth guesses on '99/2000, making Jack 19 or 20, which would at least mean any one of them could have fathered him and chopping 10 years off Alex's age to compromise between look and feel.

-

Given Jack's symptoms the nurse should have been a lil more concerned asking about trips to West Africa or other likely Ebola places lately. (This may be poor timing on the show's part but isn't there a fresh outbreak right now?)

(Oof I googled it and there's "Congo Ebola outbreak 2nd worst in history" articles dated 6 hours ago... Maybe a bad year to write haemorraghic diseases for fun and also how comes no one is talking about this in the news and it's all blah blah brexit... Have we just stopped fearing it now a few outbreaks have shown it mostly stays contained in African countries so now they can just suffer it on their own? I'm making a 4am donation to relief efforts)

-

*returns from the doctors without borders website* anyway back to the fictional sick white boy

-

And his very stressed dads

-

I have no idea how much of this is medically accurate but I feel like this is particularly dramatised to match hospital visits people have experienced which did not involve bringing in a stumbling, feverish, person who is having seizures and coughing blood

it's still objectively sad to see TFW lined up all stressed out and Cas and Dean holding hands while they stare through the giant window

-

The doctors aren't wearing masks even though he has been COUGHING BLOOD

-

sheesh this entire hospital is in quarantine now

-

Nick saying he was "getting hammered" the night of the murder isn't super subtle

-

Cas aggressively still trying to watch over Jack even though they won't let him in the room. Dean paces and talks about ghouls in the middle of the hospital to let off stress.

-

Cas goes to watch over him in person while Sam and Dean have a personal chat. This is awful D:

-

I appreciate the sentiment of busting Jack out before they pay the hospital bills because they're running out of medical options and need to turn to magic ones, a la every dramatic event ever in their lives except that one time Dean broke his leg and Sam was too out of it with the Hallucifers to sell his soul to make it better, but if Jack's in system shutdown wouldn't at least keeping him with state of the art equipment mean things like transfusion and machines that keep him propped up?

Mind you his bloodtype is probably, like, X evil negative or something Bucklemingy

It's in his DNA... He might be cute but he's still  born of their episodes and wacky non con ideas... It was gonna catch up to him eventually D: You can't outrun it forever!!

-

I accidentally hit a button and 8x02 started playing on VLC

-

"DEEEAN" Cas shoves him through the portal out of purgatory, credits roll, this was officially the weirdest episode ever.

(No I didn't watch the whole thing, I was literally paused on the last shot from where I was about to gif it last night when I fell asleep)

-

Sam already called Rowena... Smart cookie

-

obligatory yell at Cas shedding the coat to put on Jack so they don't walk him out in a hospital gown

-

Oh my god Jack's so sick he's white as a sheet and being carried out by 2 of his dads and he still has a lil well of snark to be like "fine we're leaving" to the doctor.

"There's just no talking to him when he gets like this"

-

We're at the promo scene and I'm still not 100% sure after sleeping on it that Rowena definitely did not have the Book of the Damned, and that she hadn't been able to make off with it at the end of season 11, never for it to be seen again, because she was very much in the process of stealing the Black Grimoire in 13x22, but this does, I guess, make sense in regards to which book would serve Jack better, and Mittens tried her best to convince me that Rowena plausibly did not have it because the Winchesters did... I'm still suspicious because I really did just assume that she took it and the implication was we didn't see it because SHE had hidden it, and from a line in a Buckleming episode as well. And either way around her showing up with it makes sense that she had it but I'd have occam's razor'd it that she stole the obvious books at the obvious times and not that 13x22 became a BotD heist on top of everything else :P

-

Jack is up and about!!

He's using a more gravelly voice and it's actually a really hot voice and for literally the first time the Alex/Jack divide (gulf) in my head that one is my age and hot and the other is a 12 year old is a bit shaken. I mean Jack's canonically now supposed to be around 19-20? Which explains why he has a "wooo spring break" attitude when we see in the promo he snaps and wants to go to Vegas.

They grow up so fast.

Anyway considering he was in total organ shutdown a lil while ago it seems a night's rest has done him well if he's wandering around the bunker

Can't tell if we swapped writers or what... well, it seems like it's possible given Jack's fluctuating sickness, which of course could just be a plot thing but also a mark of the inconsistencies in Buckleming episodes. It's still odd to me that in the filming process it didn't occur to them that Jack might not at least sway on the spot at little, but he's really standing there like a little trooper, upright and talking confidently.

-

And betraying to Rowena that his dads like her and say nice things about her behind her back, which is catastrophic for them. How dare. You're damaging the foundations of their relationship.

-

*cough cough*

"Bollocks"

Yep, her heart has softened, Jack won her over in record time, and she's just thinking about that time she adopted a wee Polish lad and loved him as her own because Jack is genetically engineered to be a blank slate son version of a Mary Sue. You take one look at him and he is Your Son in whatever way will most harm you.

-

Good grief I wish Crowley was still around to see what HILARIOUS overlap with Gavin we'd have wrung out of Jack's main superpower.

-

Cas offering his grace to stabilise Jack on the spot. Halp. It's more important to him that his son lives by miles, that this isn't even an internal debate for him. In a way, obvious that Cas would be like this as a parent, in another, Cas just offered to give up his grace live on TV

-

Rowena shoots down the obvious solution (oh and thank god that for once the show actually even references obvious solutions) and starts talking about how we need archangel grace and as soon as she says that I think "oh, Michael" and Dean starts to come over weird with a wooziness that makes me wonder if that was timed for the audience "oh there's one out there right now" and why would DEAN be personally affected right thiiiiiis second..............................

-

When they go on spring break together we're getting right to the murderin

-

I mean SOMETHING is up and Dean's right now having his own weird moment as Rowena talks about how Jack will now have a fluctuating set of symptoms for the sake of the plot so

-

It's possible this is just his internal POV emotional reaction to bad news because this is what happens to me when I hear it but I suspect Dean is a lil more healthy than me in the first place so doesn't verge on passing out whenever a catastrophe happens regularly. And also Sam and Cas aren't similarly struck with physical symptoms at the news their son is dying.

-

Ya know, Buckleming, or probably Eugenie specifically which makes it all the worse, writing this woman taking a call in a dark alleyway, then not being terrified to be approached by a weird man and on top of that stopping and turning to invite him to join her in the club... this is the kind of thing where they're writing someone going against all natural instinct that it's bad characterisation for someone we've literally never met before just to put her in danger.

I mean at least they didn't make Nick stab a random woman (and a black woman at that to add to their overall awful stats)

-

I like how Jack's just decided Vegas or Tahiti are places you just kinda go to die... I mean I don't know what he's learned about them but it all has to be absorbed through the media in his most innocent way. I feel like there's something very sweet about whatever he thinks you do in these places of reputed sin and blaze of glory live fast die young lifestyles, but also utterly tragic. Consumptive tragic hero but with a twist of the reckless and dangerous later tropes of... It's 5am and I can't think but like. Vegas. Drugs and gambling high life style tropey films and books from the American tradition.

And of course it's Dean (who utterly fits into this trope and even has yearly Vegas trips with Sam since discovering his psychic powers back in season 1 and also lives a blaze of glory mindset) who brings him the deadly glass of milk (film trope about innocence but also like, people dying) and a sandwich loaded with salami. Dean went all out to make that for Jack - a couple of episodes after sending a woman off to "make him a sandwich" and regretting it as he spoke, we see the yank the cloth away reveal of Dean's nurturing side where he is the caregiver who shows affection through food and will go to the trouble of making his boy a delicious sandwich.

-

"Nice." See? He's Dean's son and Dean approves his choice of places to die. "You sure this is the best time?"

"Pretty sure it is," Jack says, backpack on, already almost out the door. He's found a brown corduroy jacket which is both unlike his beige jackets and suits from the rest of his life aside from the blue apocalypse world one, and also very very much like Sam's iconic season 1-2 brown corduroy jacket that he mostly stopped wearing although I think was the one Dean wore in 4x01 as one of its sporadic dwindling appearances, if I'm not wrong.

-

I probably am but either way, it's a change to darker colours, something Sam-associated to fit the gap of this smol dangerous dying kid Dean has to deal with, and puts Jack in thick earthier tones, thicker clothes to ward against the cold of death, and dressed more like TFW than normal as he usually has quite a distinct child-like version of their clothes.

-

Jack's concept of life and mortality is fucked, possibly because he was a functioning being after a day or two of gathering his thoughts and starting to come to terms with asking deep philosophical questions about himself, so in a way discovering he only has a couple more weeks to live is hardly anything. He's a fucking mayfly.

-

Ugh it's now solidly 5am and I am clearly not going back to sleep so I give up, I'm finally getting coffee. The rest of the notes will be maybe a wee bit more coherent :P

-

Anyway kettle thought: due to Jack and Dean's murder or be murdered relationship (lordy how is this the only way you relate to fatherhood, my guy?) I kinda suspect that Dean's about to abscond with Jack without even telling dad 1 or dad 2, because he is dad 3 and that's totally cool and he's a responsible adult, but,  you know, woozy and doomed while Jack is also consumptive and doomed. BAD COMBO.

-

I charge you with grounds of diminished responsibility due to mutual murder narrative doom

-

"I'm done being special. Before my life is over, I want to live it"

Okay remember in season 1 episode 14 where Dean was like "LOL WE SHOULD GO TO VEGAS BECAUSE YOU ARE PSYCHIC"? and I referenced that like 5 minutes ago so you should, obviously I've only ever been able to headcanon the reveal of Vegas Week in season 7 (Dabb episode, take a shot) dates back to that and is one of their between episode activities which makes sense that since they only started travelling as adults together in the canon of the show (and Sam 1 year older than drinking age) that it might as well have been when they started the tradition?

Well Jack here is reacting like Dean would have if HE were the one in Sam's shoes in 1x14, and being the fun lil brother who actually would be like fuck it let's go to Vegas and see how psychic I am in the casinos! In the context of season 1 Sam is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too angsty and tragic to do anything other than come across as a stick in the mud who thinks Dean is joking and they're gonna carry on being tragic and hunting monsters instead. Dean in season 2, episode 9, also wanted to fuck off and go have fun when Sam's scary destiny got too much for him to carry, and that was when he was locked in the murder or save him vow from John's last words, which is a similar burden to the narrative bind he's in with Jack.

Jack, all of his fathers' son, finally shows up as the god damn first person to take his doom sensibly and actually want to fuck off to Vegas, and that's demon!Dean levels of fuck it.

Incidentally I half-suspect that Crowley, who has billions of dollars and once bid the moon in an auction (hi I watched 99% of 8x02 yesterday and 1% of it just now) probably was steering demon!Dean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay carefully around the thought of wait a minute I have an extremely rich and powerful sugar daddy and no responsibilities... VEGAAAAAAAS.

Like, any time Dean started to form the thought, bam, naked triplets show up in their room.

-

Anyway Jack's busy being tragic, talking about wanting to get a tan (Beach now linked to something to do before death) or see a hockey game (oh shit we forgot Adam) or get a parking ticket (oh so that's why Dean  murders him)

-

"And when it's all over... die."

Dean looks over his shoulder, mind made up to abduct the boy and take him joyriding

-

"So that's your plan, huh?"

"I don't want to waste time arguing"

"Did I say I disagree"

jack, this is Fun Dad

-

I know, the concept is completely radical and you've never seen Dean be fun but trust me.

Even with your very, very limited options, Sam has literally had 3 episodes about how he's Scrooge, and Cas is... Cas. But Dean is legitimately fun dad when you get him on a good day. Trust me.

-

No one's speaking to Rowena??? How wild.

Poor thing is never going to get her mega coven

-

Dean (who has rocked up already wearing his jacket) spaces out as Sam starts blahing on about the culturally appropriative shaman Ketch has located.

Same, buddy

-

At least Dean isn't lying to them about stealing Jack. Somewhat. Not the whole Vegas plan.

-

Jack smiles at Sam and Cas in a kind of way that somehow conveys in its entirety "this may be the last time you see me but I'm cool with you NOT seeing me die of coughing my lungs up and fun dad has this covered and we've always had a weird death cult about our relationship anyway so I'm okay with it and you guys were the best dads but now fun dad is going to take me out back and shoot me where you can't see and I love you bye"

-

"Why don't you drive?"

Jack is like ?!?!?!?!? D:

EVEN ON HIS DEATHBED he hadn't figured this would ever happen

It's the make a wish foundation :')

This is, of course, the ultimate sign of Dean loving you and caring for you in Dean's own special way of not telling you he does but showing it with a gesture of absolute confidence and letting you in, and in the vast annuls of the show dates back to the second ever episode where Dean let Sam drive at the end for all of 1 shot (seriously, they've swapped back by the long shot at the end of 1x02 where you can't see them in the car but the prop drivers are definitely doing a generic Sam in the passenger seat Dean driving routine for stock footage :P)

-

Anyway Dean loves Jack enough that he's letting a kid who does not know how to drive learn to drive in the Impala, like he and Sam did.

-

I can see Alex sweating bullets about being seated next to Jensen in the beloved Impala and having to mess up turning it on... never mind the fact that both Jensen AND Dean will murder him if he harms the car, and being murdered on both levels at once is spiritually unsettling and he will probably end up an unquiet ghost.

And yet, the glee at being behind the wheel of this legendary gal

-

TRAGIC NYOOOOOM

-

"It's like I'm you! :D"

"No, it's not! :D (but with implied murder)"

-

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER"

Look if he survives this, you're creating a speed demon who will want his own classic car

-

And then you'll have to teach him how to maintain it

oh god

-

But yeah, non-toxic parenting in the John Winchester As He Could Have Been style.

-

At least as long as Dean is in the Make A Wish mode and not back to tragic murder mode

And that wooziness that he may or may not be associating with no sleep and too much stress suggests this isn't going to last as a Fun Day Trip For The Boy

-

"Cas are you sure you want to handle this alone?"

NO HE NEEDS A HUG HIS SON IS DYING

-

Sam, go hug him, you need a hug and your son is dying.

Also, of course, you mutually need each other in this instance and Sam is reaching out to Cas with presumably the intent that he wants to be in on it but is asking as if just concerned about Cas

-

Cas, being Cas, has somehow deduced that Dean is "taking this particularly hard" despite the fact all three of them are Concerned Dads and CAS WHAT THE FUCK are you doing being selflessly concerned about DEAN and sizing up his emotional state when all three of you are wrecked and your son is dying?

You literally have 3x the sitting at his bedside holding his hand moments of any of them and montaged the heck out of the concern at the start of the episode

-

I remember way back someone wankily made a chart of how often people talked to Dean about stuff and other people talked to each other about Dean, and Sam is now crying about Dean beating himself up over being mean to Jack at the start of season 13 and regretting it, so this entire conversation is Sam and Cas man paining at each other about how much man pain Dean is in.

I say with no wank in my heart, just sheer horrified amusement at this data point if they still are hate-watching the show and being horrified about how Sam never gets stuff for himself etc (I mean. He and Cas both have had extended chunks of seasons about them parenting Jack and this is Dean's time to come belatedly to what the two of them already had)

-

Cas finally says "son" a season and change after Jack was wandering around calling him "father" and Sam doesn't seem inclined to disagree that this is how it feels for all 3 of them.

-

Obviously he's crying about Jack and it was just the context above that made it look like he was crying about Dean and I always knew that, I'm not a monster, I'm just deflecting because owwwwwwwww this hurts

-

HUG EACH OTHER YOU DUMB FUCKS SO I FEEL BETTER

-

Cas walks off instead and Sam finally after 1000 years discovers how Dean feels when Cas does that when he was angling to come along and they miscommunicated and didn't say what they meant. Except Sam wanted to come out of mutual Dad Angst comfort while Dean normally wants to go with Cas places so he can hold his hand.

-

Jack's so proud of himself for being able to drive.

"Born with a wheel in your hand"

He literally stole the Impala from you when he was 7 months in the womb

-

Dean is like, we could get you laid? And Jack is like. Nah. I have a better idea.

No idea what right now but he still doesn't wanna bang anyone

-

Ugh a Nick scene. Tag yourself I'm the old tyre in the foreground

-

Is this the house from Family Remains aka the self-admitted worst episode of the show by Kripke and Carver's explicit design

-

I am going to puke Jack wanted to go on a fishing trip with his dad

-

There were spoilers about them doing this but I repressed it the fuck down and lied to myself that Jensen was randomly teaching Alex to fish on set because I didn't want to think about Dean doing this with Jack because oh my god someone has taken my heart and gouged it out with a rusty spoon.

-

Also: someone design Jack a t-shirt with a witty slogan about fishing rather than hook ups. Like, dude bro fishing culture but in a world where you're as likely to get dumb slogans about not wanting sex as you are for it making you a babe magnet

"I'd rather be fishin" is a thing people get on mugs for the workplace but we could start with this sentiment and play

-

ALSO AS I MENTIONED I WATCHED 8x02 IN THE LAST 24 HOURS AND DEAN NEAR RIVERS SUCKS. We also have 10x01 and Daniel the fishing angel (who was the pizza man from Monster Movie, see above: slogans about fishing, pizza man innuendo, we got a thing going here) who was happy on Earth just fishing and enjoying the planet and not wanting to go back to Heaven, in a very heavy metaphor for Cas to deal with, as the angel who once compared free will to teaching poetry to fish. Lots and lots to unpack here, when we turn this into a Dean and Jack father son bonding moment and throw in Dean's peaceful dream of fishing in 4x20 that Cas interrupted. Fishing is about peace and idyll and comes as a temporary respite in this show. Traditionally, also, of course it's a sport of patience, and a classic father son bonding activity as the long stillness allows for both manly silence and sharing beers in peace, but also talk if they want to open up a conversation.

For Jack, it's an overlap of both Cas and Dean parental stuff, Cas's issues with angelic nature, where he wants to be, WHO he wants to be (just OFFERING to give up his grace to save Jack) and then with Dean we have more classic human cultural tropes but none less painful for Jack's nature and relationships. Especially throwing in that this was his choice and Dean is indulging him completely here.

-

John may or may not have taught them to fish but I feel like it may have had a "so you are dying in the woods" aspect to it rather than for peace and bonding. BOBBY taught Sam and Dean some basic woodsmanship so he was more likely to be the father figure teaching them to fish if anyone did.

-

Okay so obviously I typed that just after clutching my heart at the reveal and hitting pause, as Jack immediately goes on to say that John DID teach Dean how to fish and that it was his happiest memory of him - and it comes as a surprise for the expectations (like, that the above paragraph now stands as what I would expect of canon if I was only taking from it and not as an actual writer of the show being allowed to insert new details in which challenge us about the characters, which is where I find the line between fan fic and original fiction really is when it comes to characterisation... Anything out of left-field and you have to tag it as an AU version or explain why instead of just writing it as taken for granted).

And it's unexpected in the sense that it is such a peaceful thing and above all I think the message is that Jack intuited from whatever Dean said about it that it WAS a happy peaceful memory of John which stood so much at odds with the rest of his life. Filed under as well the thing where Mary started talking about how nice John was to Sam and Sam recoiled in confusion until Mary clarfied it was her John, not theirs. Good memories of a gentle soft John are alarming, and yet perhaps this is a way to really confront and exorcise his ghost more than anything - the sort of funeral servive memorialising of the good with the bad and working through it to come to peace in a different sort of way that lets the wounds heal and the anger leave those scars.

"It was how you said it. I could tell." He's such a smart cookie and I think that often takes Dean by surprise in the sense that Jack has been very shrewdly watching him and learning from him and absorbing anything and everything he does, which unfortunately gives him the ability to cold read Dean like very few people do, seeing past the layers and bluffs and into Dean's core.

-

Jack just murdered Dean by saying if he doesn't make it he wouldn't miss Tahiti or the Taj Mahal or implied going to seedy bars and hooking up, he'd miss more time with Dean.

I mean that's not a literal way to kill someone but you should see Dean's face. He's been shot.

And again, it's a metaphor for what you want from life for DEAN to absorb, the prompt that his family is right here and he doesn't need to chase pleasure outside of them, that hook up bar nearby their home base where he never strikes out, that's irrelevant to the family he has built and it's been put in the subtext of what Dean goes after that's empty pleasure when he has this core family unit around him, by the way Jack has also rejected it and is explaining to Dean the real meaning of Christmas.

Of course, this all gets a bit weird unless you account for the fact he has an angel wearing a trenchcoat made of husband material waiting back at the Bunker because the chronic singleton life otherwise probably ought to account for an outlet for Dean like a hook up bar if his happy ending is a platonic family bond so, you know, end the show 10 minutes from now with everyone happy and alive and not dying, and all Dean's learned is they're 3 dads, one son, a mom and her AUBobby, but he still has unused romantic potential and for seasons and seasons they've been trying to close the door on him seeking out random hook ups in the subtext of what Dean WANTS vs what he thinks he can have. This frank conversation about what Jack wants from life before it's all over is once again ignoring fleeting human connection for the family bonds he values above everything.

-

"I've had a good life, Dean" the other reason they're having this sentimental conversation by a river is because Jack is a fucking mayfly and I hate this

-

@ Dabb please never make me see Cas driving this car ever again

-

Why are you irritating Cas like this. First boring holy fire oh it must be thursday followed by the indignity of making him sit on a pouffe? Listen, when Cas gets irritated he gets snarky and then people die because he snarked them to death. I saw it he did it to the Empty. And Lucifer in 13x12. And Kip.

I just feel sorry for Cas. Why can't he go on fishing trips with the boy. Oh no he has to sit on a squishy pouffe that won't let him be intimidating so that he can cure the boy even though Jack's already decided he's gonna die and will probably Ophelia himself into the river at the end of the fishing trip.

-

Sergei is basically like "Have you tried turning it off and on again"

Nephilim have a reboot button on the back of their neck, if you get a paperclip and poke it in there.

-

At least Sergei is so... whatever he is... I can't even tell who he is supposed to be offensive towards :P I guess with the name, I lean Russian, and then he has world esoterica and occult nonsense in his caravan...

-

The real question is how does he know anything about Nephilim and why hasn't Cas asked that already.

-

LOL he has a vial of Gabriel grace just lying around. Of course, because Gabriel was just offering it up to everyone.

Considering how he was exploited for it by Asmodeus there's a weird tinge of retconning his own abuse by saying he was going around giving it to everyone before Asmodeus ever bought him and started stealing it on the regular.

Still, it IS awfully tempting a fix to have Uncle Gabriel help Jack out from beyond.

-

/distantly: "I'm not dead!"

sometimes I can still hear his voice.

-

It's way more likely Shit Goes Down and this is lost but then Cas has learned what to do with archangel grace to fix Jack just so long as they can pin down Michael and grab his instead.

-

But I guess in that circumstance at least once again Gabriel gave them part of the answer from beyond the grave as he did in season 5.

("Still not dead!!")

shush Gabriel. The show wants us to think you're dead and my complete disbelief in that doesn't change anything for now.

-

Except that maybe Gabriel came back, is fine, but has been removing his grace and selling it in the here and now while claiming not to be Gabriel and that he just haaaappens to have it and because he has no grace he could just be any old guy who happens to have an endless renewable resource of archangel grace secretly on tap to sell to fund his life of laying low. Sergei even says HE got it as part of keeping Gabriel hidden.

-

I'm kind of assuming Sergei isn't Gabriel unless he offers Cas kielbasa

-

I mean unless later I get a bonus cookie for immediately assuming Sergei is Gabriel based on the holy fire he just happened to have prepared and how similar it looked to Gabriel being trapped in 5x08.

-

On the other hand this may be the first time this season but pointing at literally everyone and going, that's probably Gabriel, will get old and also dock me cookie points the more wrong guesses I throw out there. Still, this one has pretty strong evidence, from messing with Cas to making him say "Porn stars"

-

To, um, having Gabriel's grace

-

Okay so Sergei gives Cas all of this out of the goodness of his heart and a "you owe me" and I AM wondering if that's a Buckleming special because remember in 8x19 where they were like hi we need to go to Hell immediately, and Ajay was like sure, I will take you to Hell and this episode is even titled after me so clearly I am an important character who *stab stab reaper dying noises* wow look I guess we don't have a bargain after all despite me saying you owe me but then Crowley just maaaaagically made it so you never had to find out what a reaper would want in exchange for taking you to Hell off the books.

-

Also fuck you I never got to finish my pizza

-

While I've been typing some random ass justice for Ajay screed, Nick has revealed a flashback to 14x02 where it turns out his neighbour said it was a cop who he saw coming out of the house. I literally went back and checked the episode and that wasn't in it, so perhaps it's a new flashback for here, fleshing out that conversation and revealing more for us, and changing the narrative of what Nick's up to, but honestly who cares enough about all this... I was double zoned out for flashbacks I'd already seen for a side story i don't care about

-

Wow, Nick, demons killed ya family. Could have told you that.

-

Aw, Dean brought Jack home. No dying out in the wilderness for you, clearly Cas phoned up before Jack could work out his plan to fling himself into the river.

Also Nick has taken up too much of this episode so there's no room for complicated twists and turns, if Buckleming are banned from introducing too many of them.

It's incredible how subdividing them so Eugenie writes all the Nick stuff and Brad writes the rest has elevated the parts of the story we care about to pretty much passable, give or take whatever Sergei was and who he was offensive to aside from the whole concept of calling yourself a shaman because you travelled the world collecting occult stuff in a sort of Aleister Crowley way.

-

'cept you can't namedrop Aleister on this show because both Alastair and Crowley have stolen too much from him.

-

So you get a knock off Sergei instead.

-

Jack hasn't been having as many of the supposed fainting fits that had everyone dogpiling him as I thought - maybe that's next episode too. Could have had one at the start but that doesn't seem enough to be a repeated annoyance of Alex's life :P

Anyway I was just going to comment on his sweater but that thought hopped in there first wondering if the spell was about to knock him flat, as he's sitting on a chair instead of safely in bed.

All the more dramatic for flinging yourself around if the spell messes you up

(honestly if the spells don't work, and they took him out of the hospital, how much of a bizarre commentary is this on trusting modern medicine and vaccinating your nephilims?)

-

It's 7:20 and my neighbours are yelling again

At least being awake since 3 meant I got a bit more peace and quiet than normal. I feel gross but I may go to yoga just to not be stuck in this room with such awful screeching on both sides of me >.>

-

Oh I can tell Sergei is Gabriel, he put the grace in a gold container instead of the silver ones

-

I'm sorry for the expenses, Zerbe

-

I wonder if they use her products on the show and I'm gonna go on my dash and find her beaming about a specially commissioned shiny gold grace that she made for them :P

-

"Here, hold this bottle of your uncle's essence"

".... okay I understand how weird that sounded on hindsight"

-

I love the idea of Jack's grace now being fuelled by Nice Uncle Gabriel who felt kindly towards him, even if this can't be a permanent fix, it changes his internal make up just a bit so that he symbolically has his grace stolen by his shitty bio father but the power only came from him in the first place and there was all the hoo ha about if Lucifer as his father made him inherently evil. Now whatever happens to Jack, he's had a grace transplant from a suitable donor, very much like a parallel of say he needed a kidney transplant and his 2 viable donors were his shitty deadbeat dad who gave him the kidney condition in the first place and his nice dead uncle who happened to have been an organ donor and was the only other one with the same type (if Lucifer's was X evil negative, then I guess Gabriel's is like X tricksy negative which has enough receptors to be a compatible transfusion, while Cas has like, Z dumbass positive grace and no compatibility)

And Gabriel is a beloved character who proved his kind feeling towards Jack even if they had very little bonding overall, he clearly cared and there was an immediate sort of uncle-y kindness about him in relation to Jack (just the comment alone about identifying that Jack liked shiny things and magic tricks is very much how uncles view small children who they may watch and entertain but not in the end have parental responsibility for), which is hilarious to me because Gabriel deeply reminds me of all 3 of my uncles on my mum's side, who are all 3 different shades of trickster god in their own right, and he always has reminded me of them, and now the show has sort of made Uncle Gabriel his new legacy.

I mean. I love it to bits.

It's not a sacrifice FOR Jack like Cas would have given up his grace, but it's still a part of him passed on to Jack.

-

I am very very aware that like me running my mouth about John (ironically the name of one of my uncles) while hitting pause, I've stopped while Jack is looking up with glowing eyes and he's almost certainly about to spew a fountain of blood across the room and fall on the floor. But I like that the grace even interacted with him and lit up his eyes and unless he physically barfs out the grace to I'm sticking by that ramble.

-

Cas smiled!! That's the once per season and we already hit it at episode 7, woe betide us

This does look, however, like the scene where they were all looking on from the door so... blood spew in 5 4 3 2 1...

-

DOGPILE THE BOY

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Er, I mean, help him

-

God I would not want Jared to dogpile me, the man weighs literally as much as an actual moose

-

Uhoh Sergei made Cas mad

I mean

he made him sit on a pouffe, this was always coming

-

What do you mean Eugenie can't let Lucifer go wow what a shock

-

*kicks a pebble*

-

Ah, here's the concerned dads scene. I'm just going to let that be a balm to my soul while Dean laments ever taking Jack out to have fun.

-

"You made him happy. You did more for him than any of us"

1 dude you tried, 2 you took him on hunting trips and had fun already this season so he got his Cas Time before he died like he wanted 3 just fucking abduct him wrapped in a duvet and go fishing in the dead of night if you have to, trust me, he'd love it and your family is such a mess he wouldn't even think it's weird.

I mean you've literally absconded illegally with him before, what's a trip up to that beach where he was born and some fishing gear really going to cost you with annoyance from Dean

-

"What can we do?" "Watch over him," Rowena says with Cas in the background, and continues to carve me out with a rusty spoon

-

"As he dies"

Nah he'll be fine shut up Rowena D:

-

*whimper*

-

Well that was a very good episode if you act like me and pretend that none of the Nick stuff happened at all.

[sacredarts-blog1]

~ Return Announcement ~

*dramatic upset YouTuber sigh* I'm so not ready for this, but it's time.

So, I'm back.

Why was I  gone? Where did I go? Why did I come back? Will I stay? I don't know if anyone is asking these questions, but I hope there are some people who still care.

I'll cut right to it - I left out of fear.

I also left out of a severe identity crisis - which has, in truth been building up since at least 2015. I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet, but I will be soon. It has been a very lonely experience though.

Now, the fear. I have a particular kind of phobia - a paranoia - but now I have a plan on how to deal with it. Because this debilitating fear is also the thing that is leading me to my ultimate destination in this life. This fear is what always stops me from pursuing spiritual & psychic matters, after a certain point. I guess it happens whenever I get too strong, or get certain dreams, or have this increasing sense that I am not alone (whether in a good or bad way, it still disturbs me). I just lose my grip on reality, and on myself, because all these things that happen go way beyond what's normal. And then I freak out, afraid to lose myself.

When I was younger, having just gotten into this stuff, my biggest fear was self-delusion. Convincing myself, or someone else, of something that wasn't true - but appeared to be true because I really want it to be, or really fear it to be. That came to pass, of course. I went through all of that, and so I am not afraid of self-doubt anymore, because now I know how to trust myself, and I know how to recognize denialism and myside bias. I am also completely intuitive now. I know when something doesn't feel right. But there is this thing in my family where the dominant fear becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. My grandfather was afraid of ghosts. After he died, he showed up as a spirit multiple times to my uncle. My uncle, on the other hand, was always afraid of getting brainwashed. He wouldn't even watch TV or listen to pop music or anything, knew nothing about mainstream culture. Well, he ended up joining a cult. My mother's biggest, deepest fear is to be forever alone, to be single and never be in love or have a normal family, a normal home. This has been exactly true for the past 23 years. And me? I have many fears and phobias, but when it comes to the dominant one which has haunted me since childhood, it is very simple. The fear and hatred of evil. True evil. Demons, torturers, dictators, rapists, pedophiles, organized crime, any kind of coercive authority, whatever represented coercive force, oppression, violence, corruption, whatever we look at and say "that's inhuman" or "soulless" or "monstrous" - not to be confused with the fear of the unknown. But I constantly think about it. Everything I do, read, listen to, whatever, always somehow comes back to it. And how come evil is part of human nature - is it human nature? I've been entirely evil at times too. No empathy. Scary stuff.

I don't know where this fear comes from. I do not come from a religious background and I have no experience with this. I can only say it could come from my past life, due to some very bizarre behaviors I had as a child, my photographic memory recall, my borderline DID, the dreams I've had at night, and my deep fascination and fear of mind control, medical and historical torture, cults and identity disorders. Why is this relevant? Because whenever I'd get into spiritual & psychic stuff, I would eventually come to a point where my reality would start to shift. I won't go into detail, but I get this sense that I am opening gates to another world. I don't understand that world, no matter how "wise" and "experienced" I may come across. I fear to attract certain energies. I blame certain things in the past on my dabbling with witchcraft, Tarot, crystals, divination, paganism... I end up either turning hardcore Christian or militant atheist, to protect myself, and distance myself from all of this. But now I know that's not going to work. That this is just going to keep repeating, until I will drift back to this again, because something is calling me, and so much good can come from it. My intention is always pure. But I feel so vulnerable and alone. I can never explain it to anyone. Other people I meet are either focused entirely on the good, light aspects of the spiritual world. Or they romanticise the dark as "misunderstood" or something, and see occult as just another tool. Yet evil exists. Morals exist. But nobody could explain to me, in this fucked up world, what's what. So I'm going to find out for myself. I have to defeat my fear or it will catch up with me, just as it did the rest of my family.

I'm doing the same thing outside of my spiritual life. I'm studying music and business and doing a lot of research into psychology and history. My main intention is to find out what's going in our entertainment industry in the West. What's up with these musicians saying they sold their soul to the devil? Or the actual occult symbolism in music? The greed, corruption and lack of authenticity disturbs me. There's other things I want to do in music that are completely unrelated to these, but it's the main driving force. I want to know why Beyonce would need to completely disassociate from herself on stage by becoming Sasha Fierce, to say "that's not me up there, I wouldn't do that", why Britney would shave her hair in an attempt to "get them out" of her head, and many other artists take on alter-personas too. It could be totally harmless. It could be just a conspiracy theory, though the psychological pressure and insane social demands put on these artists is clear for anyone to see. But that's exactly what I want to find out, not theorize about, because I've seen artists that I care about start off authentic and real and end up like soulless dolls who are nothing like what they used to be. Like what the hell is up with that??? I wish people wouldn't have to do that, that they could be themselves and create from the heart, instead of having to force themselves to do what they would never normally do. As Wilde's tragic hero Dorian Grey said: "The soul is a terrible reality. It can be bought, and sold, and bartered away. It can be poisoned or made perfect. There is a soul in each of us, I know it."

So now I want to balance both worlds, and dive into my fears. If I sense something dark, I'll try to understand it, and to get help from someone I trust. I'll read about science as much as spirituality, I'll try to always maintain a balance in everything I do, even if what I'm going to do is extreme. Evil is, after all, something that also deeply fascinates and excites me, not just scares me. But equally, I want to know what is it that's good, and pure. Purity, innocence, liberty, authenticity, passion - are things dearest to my heart.

Where did I go?

I have been completely alone and isolated for almost two months now, as my mother has gone away to another country, started fasting, and I have deleted my social media, stopped going to classes and stopped going to work. I have went completely into myself. I have been caught in an endless cycle of death and rebirth for years now and I endeavoured to figure out how to finally "break the wheel" as it were. I did everything I could. Now I'm emerging, but I don't know anything about myself anymore. I feel like a wisp of smoke. I've realized my true nature is beyond ego, beyond identity. It's always changing, going with the flow. I've been suffering because I've been trying to hold onto a coherent self-identity, some kind of ego that I don't actually have, because everyone else seems to know who they are and what they're like. I always envied that, because I change so damn often, day by day. My moods entirely affect my speech, behavior, preferences, styles, interests, aesthetics - everything. I thought there was something wrong with me, makes me fickle and shallow. But I've made peace with that now. Perhaps that's my unique strength - to be able to experience and understand all sides, all ways of being, everything as it is. Like as a great stained-glass cathedral.

Why did I come back? Will I stay?

I came back because I need help, and because I know that whatever happens, the worst I can do is do it alone. I came back because I realize that I can help and guide others, whatever way I can, and that you can do the same in return for me. To generate goodness, healing, understanding. Even if I feel nobody can ever understand me because wow I'm so deep and complex and unique!!! In the end, I want to create a strong support system. To be part of a community without over-identifying myself with it as I used to, which again, brought me suffering and identity crisis. We're all different and have different gifts, and there is something to learn from everyone. Everyone knows something you don't. I want to know what it means to belong, to connect, because I feel I have been deprived of it, no matter how hard I tried. I've been arrogant and extremely resistant to joining any groups or movements or saying anything that's been said already. I always wanted something that would last forever, soulmate sort of stuff. But I forgot that the most fundamental aspect of this world is transience. That's what makes it so heartachingly beautiful, so valuable. Forever is in a moment, though things return in another form after a while... I may not stay, in the long-term, but what I want to do is grow and expand. So that if I leave, you can come with me to do something more than this. But it won't be like dropping and running or getting bored, the way I used to do it. It's more like a stream joining a river. That's the kind of mindset I have now. I have an actual vision for myself and all of us, but you'll just have to trust me on this one, as I try to trust in myself.

What's next?

Next, I will be doing readings for all of you. Starting with small, general stuff - scrying, Oracle, Tarot. So, you ask a question, and I answer. I haven't decided on specialized categories like love readings, past life, career etc. so just whatever's on your mind, really, even if it's just "anything I need to know?" I'll almost always write about what your energy feels like, though. Your current vibration.

I will also have a new payment policy - which is Pay What You Think It Is Worth. Even if it's just 20c, every single penny matters deeply to me. Like I can't even describe it. It's not the quantity that matters, but what it means to you. You don't have to pay, but if you don't, I'll assume the reading was worthless.

I will also accept private readings now, which people can request if they want more detailed readings.

I have a lot of unread messages left over from months back, and those will be cleared. If I didn't get to yours, you can write me again!

I will be replying to readings almost everyday, except Sundays. I don't have a set number of how many readings I will do a day, but I'll do as many as I can. This may be anywhere from 5 to 20 or more different readings. First come first served, whether on IM or Inbox. There may be exceptions.

I'll also be removing/editing my "services" page and the layout of my blog, but the mobile theme will remain exactly the same :)

If you read all of this, or even some of it, I personally consider you my friend. Hello, and thank you.

~Ciel

[mst3kproject]

The Hideous Sun Demon

Have you ever wondered what would be the exact opposite of a werewolf?  Apparently writer/star Robert Clarke did, and as his answer, he made The Hideous Sun Demon.  Nan Peterson from Girls Town is in it, and Patrick Whyte from Kitten with a Whip, and William White (no relation as far as I know) from The Human Duplicators.  There’s a Rifftrack available, too, so this one is officially more than qualified.

We hit the ground running, as a man is wheeled into an ambulance after a nuclear accident.  This guy turns out to be Dr. Gilbert McKenna, a scientist of some description, who lost consciousness after spilling a jar of radioactive isotopes.  A couple of days later, and he seems to be just fine – he’s feeling well enough to sexually harass the nurses – until he goes out in the sunshine.  Rather than just giving him a tan and a bracing dose of Vitamin D, the sun’s rays de-evolve him, transforming him into a lizard monster!  The condition reverses in darkness, so McKenna takes to sleeping during the day and only going out at night, but a secret like that can’t be kept forever – especially after his scaly alter-ego commits a murder.

Wow.  This movie is terrible.  The acting is awful, with everybody sounding like they’re reading their lines off cards.  Clarke is one of the better actors in the movie as long as he’s playing low-key. When he’s supposed to be freaking out and crying, he takes it way too far, right over the edge into comical.  The actors playing the other scientists always come across like they have no idea what the words they’re saying actually mean, and certainly don’t know how much of it is dead wrong.  A scene in which McKenna is beaten up by some thugs outside a bar is so badly choreographed, it’s laughable.

We don’t really know McKenna at all.  When we first meet him, he’s just been irradiated and is unconscious on a gurney.  We are told that he’s an alcoholic and we see him try to flirt with the nurse, but really we only ever see him as the depressed guy terrified of turning into a lizard.  If we knew more about him, we could sympathize with him better and feel his downward spiral more keenly.  The one quick piece of background we get actually undercuts his character arc – if he’s already an alcoholic, then we have no baseline for his drinking over the rest of the movie.  I think we’re supposed to believe it’s getting worse, but we don’t know.

The worst casualty of this lack of background is the nature of McKenna’s relationship with his colleague Anne Russell. We get the idea that Russell cares for McKenna very much – she worries about him constantly, and another character reminds her that she views him ‘through rose-coloured glasses’.  Are they romantically involved?  The first time I watched the movie I got that impression, and yet then he goes off to pursue Trudy the lounge singer.  Is Anne’s love supposed to be unrequited?  Are they awkward work exes?  Does he deliberately dump her so she won’t be burdened by his sauranthropy? The script never deals with any of this.

Since most of the movie is set at night, the lighting is terrible – darkness and dark filters make it difficult to tell what’s going on in the outdoor scenes, and the crappy film stock doesn’t help, either. In order to make sure we know this is all happening at night, the foley guys have dubbed in lots and lots of cricket noises… which brings us to the sound, which is so bad that it’s sometimes hard to tell what people are saying.  The music is often hauntingly familiar, consisting of public domain tracks we’ve heard in several of these old monster movies before – in particular I’m sure I’ve heard the song Strange Pursuit in another movie, but googling it turns up very few results.

The lizard-man is… not great.  The mask is about as good as anything from the fifties, and fairly elaborate, with lots of individual scales and teeth and extra makeup for Clarke’s chest and hands, so he can run around with his shirt open.  In other movies the cheese factor of the monster suit is minimized by a lot of lurking in the shadows, and the makers of The Hideous Sun Demon have handicapped themselves quite badly by having a creature that must appear in full sunlight.  We get a nice clear look at stuff like the seam where the costume head meets the chest, or the wrinkles where it bends at the elbows.

And yet… for all that… I kind of like this movie. The idea of a reverse werewolf, a creature that transforms and kills by daylight, tickles my sense of humour – but it’s an interesting concept on other levels, too.  It invites us, for example, to think about why night is the traditional time for monsters.  This is such a truism that it’s rarely even put into words.  Everybody knows that Evil People Only Come Out At Night, and when we do think about it, the reason why seems obvious: night-time is when things like wolves and sabre-tooth tigers used to come out and gnaw on the unwary among our ancestors.  We’re still here because the survivors passed on genes that made them afraid of the dark.

This means that a man who transforms into a monster by day is a very different creature from the traditional were-animal.  Werewolves, who change only under the moon, can lead a normal life while partially, or even wholly, unaware of their affliction.  Darkness is anonymity.  McKenna doesn’t get to be anonymous.  He literally has the full light of day on his problem.

Because darkness is anonymity, it is a time for monsters in another, only slightly less literal way: night-time is when an awful lot of crime happens, because there are less likely to be any witnesses. Again, this is very relevant to creatures like werewolves and vampires, creatures of the night – their activities can go unseen because of this lack of witnesses.  It’s also important for Gil, but in a different way.  He cannot be a creature of the day, because it brings out the monster in him.  He is therefore forced to be a creature of the night, and must keep company with other creatures of the night, such as Trudy and her gangster boyfriend.

Trudy is an interesting character, in that she represents both knowledge and innocence.  She hangs out with criminals and, rather astonishingly for a movie of this vintage, is presented quite frankly as sexually promiscuous.  McKenna takes her out to the beach and it is heavily implied that they had sex there before he ran off at sunrise so she wouldn’t see him transform, and later dialogue tells us that this is not her first such encounter with a near-stranger!  It’s not fully explicit, but it’s still perfectly clear, and this is possibly the one thing the movie does well.  At the same time, what McKenna finds attractive about her is that she doesn’t know his secret.  She’s innocent of the terrible truth and interacts with him on that level.

I still don’t know what the relationship between McKenna and Russell was supposed to be, but McKenna’s pursuit of Trudy makes sense on this level, even if we assume he and Russell were all but married. He can’t bear to be around Russell because she knows and that will colour how she treats him no matter how much she loves him.  Furthermore, every time he notices a difference between her behaviour before and her behaviour now, it will remind him of his condition, which he desperately wants to forget. Trudy’s ignorance is therefore one of the most attractive things about her.

After Lizard-McKenna kills her boyfriend, Trudy vanishes from the movie.  She was probably the one who called the police, but we never see her again or find out what she thought of the whole thing.  This is disappointing because Trudy’s feelings toward McKenna have changed several times over the course of the film – from infatuation to rage to pity and back to infatuation again.  I would have liked to see some sort of conclusion to this.  If Trudy’s innocence is the main thing McKenna sees in her, it would have been nice to see them interact again after that innocence is shattered, and what effect this change in her has on him.

Also unresolved is the effort to find a cure for McKenna’s condition.  A radiation expert, Dr. Hoffman, comes to see McKenna and examines him, and says he thinks he can at least treat this condition if not cure it entirely – but this goes nowhere.  The death of Glenn Manning in The Amazing Colossal Man is made extra-sad by the fact that they did have a cure, and that Glenn didn’t understand that they were trying to administer it.  It’s an extension of Glenn’s own story, in which the world has not yet given up on him, but he has given up on himself.  McKenna is just being chased by the cops, and sure enough, eventually they shoot him.  His death is supposed to be a tragedy, but there’s nothing to give it meaning.

So while I do kind of like the ideas in this movie, the execution of them leaves a lot to be desired.  I’d actually be interested to see a remake of The Hideous Sun Demon, made by somebody with a bit more talent at writing (and directing… and acting… and basically everything else).  There’s gotta be something you could do with a reverse werewolf that would be way cooler than this.

[mllemaenad]

'Imagine your children growing up in such a world. If a mage asked it of you, you would have to give him your daughter, not knowing what his plans for her might be. You could not resist him, and neither could she.' - Sorry, this line particularly came to my attention because take away magic and this? Is exactly what happens in the Tabris origin. And to that one Orlesian merchant in Denerim in DA:O. And probably to any number of peasant/elven girls at the hands of nobles every day across Thedas.

No need to be sorry. :)

You’re right. Absolutely.

The thing is – take this in context. This is an answer written by a grand cleric to a nobleman who seems (we don’t have his side of the conversation, obviously, so we can only infer from the substance of the reply) to have been challenging the Chantry’s treatment of mages. If you look at it like that, then what the grand cleric is describing is what happens to almost every mage child in southern Thedas.

Armed men come to your door and take your child away. You have no right to say no. And you have no idea what they’re going to do with them. They may take your child to a Circle across the sea. They may murder them. They may make them Tranquil. They may rape them, beat them, torture them. Maybe you’ll be lucky: maybe your kid is Vivienne or one of the Warden mages. Maybe they’ll do okay.

But you don’t know. And you can’t tell the Templars to go away; that they can’t have your child. They live in a world where this happens to parents every day.

It’s almost too much to imagine. The Circle, the Templars, they’ve shaped my life. I was no more than twelve when they came for me. My mother wept when they fixed the chains to my wrists, but my father was glad to see me gone. He had been afraid, ever since the fire in the barn. Not just afraid of what I could do, but afraid of me, afraid my magic was punishment for whatever petty sins he imagined the Maker sat in judgement upon.

– Anders (short story)

Anders’s mum couldn’t say no. Maybe she wanted to. At bare minimum, it sounds as though she didn’t want to lose her son forever. But that���s what happened. Little Ella is desperate to get back to her parents, because the Templars didn’t even tell them where they were taking her – and when we encounter her, a Templar is threatening her with Tranquillity and strongly implied sexual assault.

Wynne gave birth to a healthy baby boy, whom she was allowed one day with before he was taken into Chantry custody. The child, who was names Rhys, was taken to Lydes and from there transferred to the White Spire in Orlais when it was discovered that he, too, was a mage.

– World of Thedas I

They kidnapped a newborn baby and took him to a different damn country. It took decades, and fighting an archdemon, for Wynne to even get the chance to find him again.

Dulci de Launcet was lucky: she’s a noble, so she at least had letters and some general idea of where her kid was, but she hadn’t laid eyes on her son since he was six.

Yeah. Good fucking job, Chantry. You really solved the problem of powerful people coming to your door to abduct your children.

But while, yes, given the context of the letter I think the irony is best understood in relation to mages, I definitely think it can be expanded upon:

The demon had impersonated the human man who had bought her from the slavers that took her in after her father died. She’d had no idea back then who those kind men really were, only that they offered her food and a warm bed to sleep in. Then an even kinder man came to take her from them, and she found herself in his luxurious home and thought herself the luckiest girl in the entire alienage.

How very naive she had been. Count Dorian, as she learned her new master’s name to be, had been in search of an elven whore he could keep as a pet, something he could put in a pretty dress and bring with him on one of his many trips to the capital, like baggage.

– Dragon Age: The Calling

Ah, look. The exact scenario Grand Cleric Francesca was fear-mongering about. A little girl abducted, enslaved and sold to a nobleman who abused and tortured her. Yes, a mage-child as it happens, but that wasn’t apparent at the time. Fiona was vulnerable because she was an elf – an orphaned elf considered expendable by society.

“What they wish is irrelevant.” Celene turned and stalked away from the window. “I am already fighting a war on two fronts. I cannot be seen to fight a war on three.”

“Then don’t.” Briala rose, putting herself in Celene’s path. “Give them justice.”

“A lord for the death of an elf? I … damn this thing.”

With a quick jerk, Celene tore her mask from her face. Her face was flushed beneath, her eyes red from another night of little sleep. “Shall I declare the elves equal citizens before the Maker and the throne as well, while I’m at it?”

“Why not?” Briala took her own mask off, stealing a quick moment to steady herself. “Unless you don’t believe that, and I’m just a jumped-up kitchen slut you haven’t tired of yet.

– Dragon Age: The Masked Empire

Or here: a revolt that ends in genocide, and that begins because it is unthinkable that they arrest a nobleman for murdering an elf. The victim’s name was Lemet. He was killed shielding an eight-year-old boy who threw a rock at a carriage. And the boy said he did it because his mother had been murdered by Orlesian nobility:

“They killed my mother,” the boy said, pulling against Lemet’s grip.

“Be quiet.” Lemet looked back at the coach and heard its joints creak as the guards jumped down to the street. The driver would want to have that oiled, some part of Lemet’s mind noted.

“They can’t come down this street after what they did to her,” the boy insisted. “They can’t!”

– Dragon Age: The Masked Empire

Or this, where soldiers rob, rape and murder their own citizens in the midst of a civil war:

“Two days ago, Lady Seryl’s men rode in and cur down every man and woman working the fields. Killed our guards, killed everyone in the village square. When they finished killing the other soldiers, they fired arrows out onto the water, killed most of our boys in the boats. They took all the food they could find. They spent the night.” A collective flinch splashed across the crowd. “Said we had been assisting enemies of the throne, that this was a lesson to anyone who’d help Gaspard’s men.” At the last, his voice broke. “My lord, I don’t even know who Gaspard is.”

– Dragon Age: The Masked Empire

Or the serial killer who is repeatedly allowed to walk free because he’s a magistrate’s son, and he targets elven children. Or the elven boys who fled to the Qun because a guard raped their sister – no one would arrest him, so they took matters into their own hands.

And yes, of course, you see the exact same thing in Ferelden in the alienage.

I’m sure everyone feels so much safer now they’ve locked up all the mages.

Orlais’s crimes don’t excuse Tevinter’s. That’s where they went wrong with Dorian’s … painful dialogue on slavery. You can’t point to the horrors of Orlesian society and therefore suggest that the Tevinter slave trade is not that awful. It doesn’t work like that. What you can do, though, is say that Tevinter’s crimes don’t excuse Orlais’s – particularly when they tend to do exactly the same shit:

Slavery still thrives in Thedas, even if the trade has been outlawed. Who hasn’t heard the tales of poverty-stricken elves lured into ships by the prospect of well-paying jobs in Antiva, only to find themselves clapped in leg-irons once at sea? And humans fall prey to this, too.

If they’re lucky, they end up in Orlais, which has only “servants.” Most nobles treat them decently because they are afraid of admitting the truth. Orlesians go to great lengths to maintain the fiction that slavery is illegal.

Of course, the greatest consumer of slave labor is the Tevinter Imperium, which would surely crumble if not for the endless supply of slaves from all over the continent. There, they are meat, chattel. They are beaten, used as fodder in the endless war against the Qunari, and even serve as components in dark magic rituals.

—From Black City, Black Divine: A Study of the Tevinter Imperium, by Sister Petrine, Chantry scholar

– Slavery in the Tevinter Imperium

Fiona is not an anomaly: Orlais kidnaps and sells people into slavery, too.

And this makes sense. Fantasy always draws on the real world, even if they mix and match the cultures and historical periods a bit. So, just like in the real world, you generally have to take anything the wealthy and powerful say with a grain of salt.

The Chantry has a very specific, empire building, agenda. It makes much of problems that aren’t really problems (demons and abominations are not widespread threats, and both are poorly understood); it pins the blame for actual crises on oppressed groups (the Blight is in no way the fault of this random peasant mage from Antiva); it uses racism and religious intolerance to create in- and out-groups (elves [and dwarves, but we haven’t conquered them yet] are degenerate heathens who are preventing the Maker from returning).

As much as I love Dragon Age, what Bioware does sometimes that is … uncomfortable … to use a mild word, is that it lets the powerful rule the narrative. Inquisition is worst at this, because it presents strong voices for people like Cassandra and Cullen, who stick fairly close to the party line. And then it takes characters like Varric and Sera, and distances them from their own cultures … which is fine for individuals but awkward when we’re not letting Briala or Fiona say much either – and where the fuck is Sigrun? No one’s spoken for Orzammar’s casteless since Awakening. But it’s there, to some extent, in all the games.

So the point, always, is that mages and Circles are misdirection. Mages are scapegoats in the Chantry faith who are held responsible for all the bad things, and represent a pretend evil nobility that the Orlesian Chantry is keeping under control.

But the actual problems of this fantasy world are more or less the same as the problems of the real world: powerful nations dominate the continent and force others to bow to their whims and adopt their culture, because empires are just shit; the rich and powerful hoard all the rights to themselves, and can do damn near anything to the poor – particularly where the poor are part of a marginalised group.

What Orlais doesn’t want people to realise is that they are Tevinter. It was never the mages that were the problem, it was the absolute power the Tevinter magisters held over their slaves – a power now held mostly by the Orlesian nobility, who use it in pretty much the same way. Not exclusively, no: of course the nobility of other nations can be, and bloody are, evil fucks. But even there, the Chantry view helps to obscure the truth: you should be scared of empires and those who rule them. Much more scared than you are of a possessed mage.

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

Here we are at the end of October, in the Year of Our Troubles, 2020. And here I am, continuing my journey to avoid reality by looking for meaning in nostalgia and TV Hunks. It’s Supernatural!

Alright so we’ve made it to my (possibly/probably) all time favorite quartet of the entire series - Disc 3, Season 1, episodes 9 - 12. For the last few discs, I’ve been keeping things pretty technical in terms of television production and broadcast. But frankly, this sh*t is my jam. All that gooey emotion, all that sweet sweet lore, throw in some man tears and *chef kissy fingers* c'est magnifique! 

Now I’ll backtrack for a hot second here to talk about the filler vs. self-contained argument that I...probably jumbled in my last post. In shows like this, I tend to use “filler” to describe every episode that isn’t arc, but honestly, that’s not fair to a number of Supernatural episodes. The main difference being, is this episode meant to pad out your season or is it simply an episode that can stand on its own two feet? I’d say that’s the case for this entire disc.

First up, it’s Home. Guys, I think I cheered when I turned this episode on. We take our Winchesters, give them some small victories, build up their confidence, and then totally break them down again by sending them back to the beginning. This is not listed as the “official” return to the arc episodes, but I’d argue that Home is where we see a return to the Main Quest. Oh yeah, and Sam finally admits that he can see...what? What do we call these? Death Omens? I think Sam calls them premonitions? Either way, it’s…*shrugs* sure, do what you want. The premonitions do become important later and they’re basically the catalyst for the whole second season and that resolution takes us into the main conflict for the third season, and so on and so on, it’s a whole thing. It just seems like a hecking lot this go around, ok? But he finally admits it to Dean and that’s probably some kind of growth. Dean going back into that house again is also some kind of growth. Of course, he was like, 4 when he swore he’d never go back to that house again? Whatever, I didn’t care. I get too distracted by the fact that DEAN IS CRYING GUYS! LOOK! HE’S CRYING!!

Oh, and one more tie to the season arc - Hecking John Winchester shows up. I mean, he’s all over the episode and I think the most shocking thing we find out about him is that he was, at one point, a business owner?? But also it ends with conclusive proof that John Winchester is a massive dick who refuses to talk to his children. And I’m sorry, I don’t buy your “have to finish it first” excuse, I just don’t. To be clear, I’m not mad at the storytelling choice to do that, I’m mad at the character, which I guess is where it should be. 

I like that this episode builds out more of the world that the Winchesters live in with Missouri Mosely (Not the State!). I like that we see they’re not alone in this very literal fight against evil. She checks back in later in the series and honestly, I love Loretta Devine so I would have watched a whole spinoff show about this character. 

Two things I don’t like about this episode? #1 What genius decided that Mary’s ghost would just be on fire for 20 years? Like, cuz that’s what I am understanding about this ghost. That she is just constantly on fire. And that’s...unkind. 

Mary, who did this to you??

#2 Only a man could have written this episode because no single mom is just gonna LET two rando dudes into her home. 

Listen boys, you’re cute, but I’m a woman with two small children. Hell no you’re not coming into my house. 

Next up is Asylum and this is so good at walking the line between creepy and Spooky. UNlike the Bloody Mary episode, I do not need to hide my face from the screen at any point during this episode. 

Hey look, it’s like they’re brothers or something!

This one is another episode that does a good job building character and the world the Winchesters live in. Like any good procedural, it uses the main conflict to bring out the more important conflict. In this case, it literally brings it out, cuz the ghost is a psychiatrist who makes Same confront all his Daddy Issues. And by confront we mean, take it out on his brother who is the saddest-motherf*cker-I’ve-ever-seen BUT HEY! Salting and burning a body finally works for once in their lives! I love all the cringing that Jensen Ackles does in that scene because they clearly hadn’t figured out what that effect was supposed to look like yet. 

It must have been a real surprise to find out the ghost didn’t light on fire.

Oh and then there’s the phone call! And man, this must have been a bitch of a mid-season finale, cuz this episode aired in November of 2005 and the next episode doesn’t come back until January of 2006 and so you’re just WAITING to hear what John has to say. 

Now wait for two months to find out what he says. 

And of course, it’s nothing. We come back in January to Scarecrow and John has nothing to say cuz he’s a massive dick. Just calling 6 months in to your nationwide search for me to let you know that I’m not dead, but also, I’m only here to send you on another assignment and cause tension. And so the show continues to break down our dynamic duo because the fight they have over whether they should listen to dad or not literally splits them apart. They also introduce Meg as a new and more involved villain for the series. I mean, sort of. We don’t see her again for like, another five episodes. And then again another five episodes after that. So like, I don’t really...know that introducing her as an antagonist...really had the effect they were hoping for?

Is she evil cuz she’s a demon or just because she’s blonde???

Here’s some issues I have with Meg, the first recurring female character who isn’t dead - she’s the first recurring female character who isn’t dead and also, I immediately hated her. I remember watching the episode the first time and as soon as I saw her I was like, oh she’s a ruiner. It was almost a relief to find out she was a bad guy at the end because it was like I was allowed to hate her? To be fair to me, Meg comes on hella strong trying to keep Sam from going back to his brother, so we’re not supposed to like her, but looking back on it now I feel like the perpetrator of some real girl-on-girl crime. Does Meg actually do anything wrong? Aside from leaning real hard on some indie-style manic-pixie bohemian free spirit nonsense, she doesn’t do...anything that should make me hate her? Until, of course, she actively acts as a wedge between our dream team, but before then, I don’t...think she does? Honestly, it could just be me, but I do think that TV has gotten much better at writing/directing/presenting female characters in a way that doesn’t feel like they’re literally shoe-horning in a third wheel. And again, ultimately we are supposed to hate her, I just can’t decide if I was picking up on signals that were intentional or not. I remember having similar feelings when they introduced Joe in season 2, but that’s still far ahead.

I am willing to admit that this might be just me. I will not take back the things I’ve said about Emma Watson though, those are justified. 

And I think introducing more characters is important. It acts the same way introducing Missouri did -it broadens the world. For half a season, our only constants are the brothers. They’re these lone cowboys in a weird, mystical, dangerous wasteland and the villains are more obstacles than actual villains. When the story you’re telling needs to feel bigger than that, you need to do some world building and sometimes that starts with adding more characters. I will say, I hated Meg less this watch than I did on the first one. Or rather, I hated her cuz I knew she was The Worst, not because I felt like adding her to the show was a threat to the storytelling. 

OH! ALSO! The first mention of Dean and Pie! My heart grew three sizes that day! 

The hecking diner won’t serve him so he never finds out!!!

And finally, to cap it all off, we have Faith which is...a surprisingly rough episode? Ok, listen, Dean just resignedly accepting his own demise is like, ugh. UGH. ugh. Buddy. Buddy you are NOT Ok. Like, Dean is so intent on keeping everyone else in his family alive but does not seem as concerned about his own health and well-being and that...just...ughghghghg...I have a lot of feelings about that. 

Listen, some day I will talk about Sam, but it is NOT THIS DAY.

Like, I get that Rev. Jerry Gergich Roy Le Grange is not actually healing people, but he literally tells Dean that Dean has a purpose and he was saved from an untimely death for a reason, and he’s kind of not wrong? But then he spends the rest of the episode stopping Roy from healing anyone else and feeling overwhelmingly guilty that he was saved over someone else. I think out of everything that season 1 has presented up to this episode, this is the most philosophical and thematically complex. There’s the question of faith vs skepticism - can we ever just blindly believe in a good turn? The fact that Dean can’t says a lot about him as a human. Then there’s the question of who gets to decide who lives and who dies? Who’s worthy of salvation and who isn’t? Why do bad things happen to good people and why do good things happen to Dean? I mean, when Dean sees the Reaper coming for him at the end, he knows that it’s in exchange for Layla’s life and he’s just...Ok with that? He doesn’t try to run or fight it, and it’s only because of Sam that he doesn’t bite it. And the end of this episode is just a real bitch slap to the feels because Layla, our Very Special Extra, knows she’s going to die and she knows she missed out on her chance to be healed because Dean was an Ass with a capital A and took her turn (probably). And she’s also just ok with that and it kills me a little bit on the inside. 

Also, Layla is played by Julie Benze from Roswell and Buffy and Dexter and she’s always A+. And Roy was in Snakes on a Plane!

So yeah, not exactly “filler” in the true sense, but ties to the season arc are not as strong as in other episodes. And watching these episodes again I realize just how important they are to the series as a whole. I mentioned Helstrom last week and since then, I’ve finished the season. It’s only 10 episodes, and while I definitely enjoyed it, none of the emotional climaxes felt earned. 

Is how I feel. About the Emotions in Helstrom. That doesn’t mean I won’t watch a season 2. 

When you focus solely on the main arc in every single episode, you miss these little moments to develop character and relationships. When you get to the end of the season where the Winchesters are finally all in the same room taking on the Big Bad, there’s this feeling of satisfaction - you’ve been waiting for this moment. You’ve been waiting for Sam to reconcile with his father. You’ve been waiting for the guys to finally take on this thing that killed Mary Winchester. You’ve been waiting to see what will happen when the quest is over. That’s what makes the character decisions in the finale feel so big and so important, because they’ve been built up and built up for 22 episodes - 7 months in broadcast time. I think it’s harder to have the sort of weight that Supernatural builds in a show that stays so focused on the arc because its season is only 8 - 10 eps. There’s no room for sidetracking to build on the relationships in the show. You don’t have time for it, so you either have to keep character moments smaller (I’d argue MUCH smaller) or you end up with a finale that doesn’t resonate with the same gravitas as you want it to. 

Don’t get me wrong - I know it sounds like I’m ragging on short seasons, but I think a short season can be very effective when it’s done right. I also think a full season of 22 - 24 episodes can be very effective when it’s done right. But I think there’s a fundamental difference in how you tell the story when you have a short vs. a long season. I think TV is still figuring that out as it goes, as writers who are accustomed to long seasons shift gears to tell their stories with fewer installments. But I hope that TV doesn’t completely do away with the more procedural-style/self-contained episodes since those can be a powerful way to connect with your characters. That’s why I’m here in the first place. 

[bigskydreaming]

princeescaluswords replied to your post:

Alex Summers, after the most recent of 128979889...

Why don’t you write Marvel? You couldn’t possibly do any worse and I could use the laughs!

Lol, its a nice dream, but realistically I don’t think there’s any universe in which Marvel would ever let me write the X-Men. 

Like, my very first story would probably have Bobby refreezing the Arctic while Storm heads up a team of elementals to combat climate change. And then a Republican senator and a Democrat senator would go on TV and make a bipartisan show of expressing their gratitude towards mutants for helping save the planet and this is the real future of humanity, this is them all building a world where they can live side by side in a mutually beneficial -

And then the broadcast would cut off because Cypher just hacked every satellite worldwide and said “all your binary codes belong to me now, resistance is futile, blah blah” before turning the camera to Sunspot who’s all decked out in his snazziest suit and dressed to the nines. Roberto yawns and flips the whole world off and says “LOL fuck you, the X-Men are done with respectability politics, we took a vote and our democratic process actually works, we don’t have a fucking electoral college. We only saved the planet because it happens to be the planet we live on, dipshits, nobody did it for you, you’re still cordially invited to go extinct. Or you can play nice and try getting along with the rest of us for a change but good luck trying to make Sentinels happen again, lmao, funding’s gonna be an issue for you pretty soon I think.”

He turns off the camera and goes back to planning his and Sam’s wedding, because look, I have my priorities, okay.

Then Mystique unleashes her new Fellowship of Evil (Same Name, But This Time Its Evil as in STFU, Its Ironic U Assholes) Mutants that she’s been recruiting from the ranks of the young and disenchanted. Overnight, the market is flooded with gold and gems transmuted from ordinary materials by mutant powers, as well as a bunch of shit ‘liberated’ from the coffers of the 1% via her Fellowship’s alliance with her son-in-law’s Thieves’ Guild. Value plummets instantly, and then technopaths join in the fun, crashing every banking system worldwide.

“Whoopsie, I broke capitalism, money’s worthless now, vive la revolution, everyone eat some fucking cake,” Raven sing-songs merrily from the chaise she’s lounging on while eating grapes. The city outside her window is burning. Meanwhile, a fiddler is playing nearby. She calls him Nero, because Aesthetic.

“Oh relax,” she rolls her eyes when Remy attempts to frown at her disapprovingly. “I had my teleporters evacuate the city before I set it on fire. I’m not a heartless monster, you know.”

“You mean you didn’t want to spend the next ten years dealing with your children yelling at you about innocent civilians and how could you,” Remy says dryly.

Mystique just shrugs and eats some more grapes. “Or that.”

Far-right dominated police forces and white supremacist militia groups attempt to forcibly establish martial law, except mostly they’re just standing around clutching their heads and trying to cope with the mother of all migraines as a gestalt of telepathic minds headed up by a Cerebro-powered octet of Jean, Emma, Betsy, Rachel, Quentin, and the Stepford Cuckoos psychically screams FAKE NEWS!!! into their brains every time their CO’s attempt to bark out new orders.

“Best school project ever,” Quire shouts. Emma smirks.

“Extra credit to the first person to psychically leak the full extent of just how extensively governments have invaded their citizens’ privacy with surveillance extremism in the name of national security.”

Jean attempts a half second of chastisement, but with them all linked this closely, there’s really no way to hide that she’s mostly just amused. Oh no, she and Emma are seeing eye to eye on something and there are witnesses and everything. The revolution was a mistake.

Atlanteans and mutant hydrokinetics team up to shove the worst oil and toxic waste and trash spills up onto the shores of every beach marked ‘privately owned’. The mile-wide ‘island’ of plastic debris that formerly sat in the middle of the Pacific is now parked off the coast of Malibu.

There’s a twenty foot demon from Limbo sitting in the Oval Office. It burps. Illyana beams and boops its nose. “Good boy.” It wags its tail and breaks the Oval Office.

Kitty and Kurt direct teams of similarly powered mutants in raiding the top secret R&D facilities of major pharmaceutical companies for all their research on diseases that never made it to mass production because they decided those treatments or cures wouldn’t be profitable in the long run because healthy people don’t need to spend a ton of money on medical care. Teams of healers are standing by to vet the viability of various research, while Hank, Cece and other mutant geniuses are already working on filling in the gaps on all the projects that were shutdown and Forge, Madison Jeffries and tech-based geniuses are converting existing infrastructure into the necessary machinery to take over mass production of these drugs, prosthetics, and sweatshop labor in general.

Speedsters and teleporters are redistributing food and stocking up the millions of properties worldwide that have just been sitting there empty for god knows how long, useless. Colossus is standing in the smashed remains of a mansion with his arms crossed sternly while a man who is definitely not meant to resemble the CEOs of either Tesla or Amazon or look like some kind of Musky Bozo hybrid cowers on the floor.

“You are a very stupid man,” Colossus says. “Why are you wasting billions funding research into space travel when there are aliens with a strong grasp of the technology in the ships that brought them here on every superhero team on Earth? You could have easily provided the Earth with working and widely accessible space travel by now if you weren’t so miserly.”

“Yeah,” Juggernaut says behind him, scratching his head. “Aliens have been coming and going from this planet for like fifty years. There are tons of fancy spaceships anyone could’ve just reverse engineered and mass produced by now. How come nobody’s ever done that and we’re all just acting like space travel is some far-off dream when everyone we know’s been to space like at least ten times?”

“Stupid people,” Colossus rumbles again. Musky Bozo wets himself and Piotr sighs and shakes his head. He didn’t even touch him.

Cyclops and Wolverine and their teams of bruisers are already done with the ICE facilities and have progressed to busting open prisons and liberating all nonviolent offenders. They inform everyone else that they can appeal to a panel of telepaths to read their minds and see for themselves that they’re innocent.

“Guilt determined by mind-reading?” Someone asks. “Lots of potential for sketchiness there.”

“Absolutely,” Scott says. “Which is why laws about boundaries and oversight have to be established. For now, its a volunteer basis only. Nobody has to get their mind read, but its an option available in the meanwhile as we sort out a better system for determining who’s been imprisoned for crimes of premeditated malice and abuse and who’s just been railroaded by an unjust and biased system.”

“So this is your new utopia, huh?” Sneers the prison warden, from the floor where he’s on his ass with a busted face because, idk, Reasons.

Scott just shakes his head. “No. It’s merely a start.”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, but if its broke and you wanna fix it, you gotta start somewhere,” Logan says gruffly. “Shit was broke. This is ‘starting somewhere.’”

He and Scott share a very Passionate look of camaraderie. Rogue sighs loudly.

“Just fuck already, jfc.”

Logan grunts. He already offered, but apparently all Personal Business must wait until after the Revolution was over, because a Scott Summers who put himself first was very clearly an impostor, so its not like Logan could even fucking get mad considering Scott putting in a pin in sucking each other’s faces after their We Were Both Dead But Now We’re Not and Also What the Fuck Was Up With Us For the Five Whole Years Before That reunion was what confirmed that it was definitely the Real Scott’s tongue in his mouth.

“Alright, let’s move it people,” Logan barks, clapping his hands. “There’s three more joints to hit before sundown. We got a timetable here.”

Jubilee squints at him suspiciously. “Since when are you efficient?”

“Mind your own fucking business.”

At no point does anyone suggest they erase the most sacred sites of all the world’s major religions and call them all fake or randomly resurrect a bunch of dinosaurs and release them on unsuspecting and innocent populations, because those are terrible ideas and make no sense and just because they’re stinkin’ commies now doesn’t mean they’re fucking morons.

Also, nobody grows a ridiculous beard or stops using shampoo or starts wearing flip flops or robes, because apparently those are not actually essential components of being a stinkin’ commie or even just a garden variety peace-aspiring socialist. They checked. Extensively. It was almost a dealbreaker. Emma, Monet and Roberto all threatened to side with the Capitalist Pigs if that was not thoroughly clarified before proceeding any further.

Thus ends my first issue. I email Marvel the script. They email it back, almost entirely redacted in red, with the note “This isn’t quite what we were looking for. Do you have anything about a new cure for mutants, maybe?”

I email them back: LOL NO. MAGNETO WAS RIGHT.

I am promptly fired.

I go back to ranting about how Marvel sucks on the internet.

[jaywhitecotton]

Fuck Elvis

I used to play this terrible game with some monstrous friends at karaoke shows. It was all based on how Michael Jackson died at the right time and if he molested just one more kid we’d be screwed out of decades of music and nostalgia.

We’d then apply other artists to this molestation scale. Like if MJ set the standard at say 7 known kids we’re pretty sure he finger banged, how many could say Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler get away with?

Turns out - it’s one. One for sure, but I’m pretty sure there would have to be at least three before we as a society are willing to let go of Dream On or Bruce Willis’s meteor sacrifice.

Bob Dylan? So hard. Old white NPR people would blame the motorcycle accident and give up everything after to protect his earlier legacy, but comparing Michael Jackson to Bob Dylan’s importance? He’s got to be able to molest as many - if not three more kids - than the King of Pop, right? I mean Jewish or not, he is still white so that has to give him the edge over Jacko in what he can get away with.

Anyhoo

Comics have been acting like comedy has been bringing “truth to power!” and patting themselves on the back, but thirty years of Michael Jackson jokes couldn’t do what one documentary has done.

Proving if you really want any justice these days, you need to first invest in some production value and an editor who knows how to make criminal acts look especially bad.

The reactions are pouring in and people are very conflicted. Many questioning whether or not it’s ok to like an artist because of their lurid personal life.

Look, can we come to a consensus on just one thing?

Human beings have been giant flesh bags of hot garbage since the very beginning of our upright existence. We started out so bad, we’re not even sure of what are real beginnings were actually like.

And its not even people that are the worst either. Look at life itself.

Nature is gruesome and horrifying! Every nature documentary is inherently a horror movie missing the scary cello mood music. If you knew how much ducks gang-raped in real life you would burn any remanence of all those duck-themed shows from the 90’s.

Even the creation of space and time was the result of a destructive explosion that shit us out into the nothingness of space.

Disagree? Thinks humans are great? Cool. Keep in mind a lot of people watched a movie about a guy who sexually abused children and their first thought was “Can I still grab my dick and effeminately scream ‘ohhhhh’ whenever it gets super windy? Because I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t do that!”

To me anytime a person does something exceptional - THAT should be the thing that is celebrated. Like “Wow, you overcame being a piece of shit and had a moment of triumph for our species, well done ya piece of shit!”

Thomas Jefferson and the Declaration of Independence, Gandhi and Civil Disobedience, Beethoven’s 9th have all stood the test of time and those acts are worthy of praise.

Are we going to really miss Ignition (remix)?

I’m not saying any of these people’s flaws should be ignored, but seriously - there were plenty of slave fuckers, wife abusers, and piss-on-tweeners out there who not only did that shit - but didn’t even have the decency to form an experimental democratic republic placing power in the hands of the people, much less write a catchy tune.

We have got to start holding a higher standard for what we consider legit and meaningful art.

Is Trapped in the Closet really an achievement for humanity? Is the cinematic legacy of Space Jam ruined by the tainting of I Believe I Can Fly?

Was American Beauty and House of Cards our civilization’s finest cinematic moments? Has there been nothing else to watch?

Can we no longer backwards slide dance at house parties because a guy who dressed like a sequined private eye slept with kids?

I’m not saying you can’t still enjoy those things, or even question your feelings about them. I’m saying don’t make those things more important than they actually are. You can both think an actor should be castrated and get lost in visualized fiction.

Just as easily as you can decide to never watch again. It’s all disposable.

To me the real crime is needing a movie like American Beauty to be the pinnacle of human achievement because you got your first handy in the theater when it came out or whatever.

Not that anyone is exactly saying that, but you big bad wolves get my straw house point.

What is the value of achievement? How do we measure what’s important? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s what the consensus decides should stay. Maybe it’s the individual.

Sometimes it feels like a lot of our general arguments are between the perspectives of group thinking socialists versus self-motivated libertarians. Maybe they’re both right, I guess it depends on the situation.

Personally I think most the arguments about entertainers matters most to the people who have a vested interest in brands and making it in the ‘look at me’ industry.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m in the thick of it having done music and standup most of my life and have the same guttural need for a stranger’s approval, but sometimes I feel surrounded by people who treat every moment of their lives like a biopic. Selling themselves on social media as if they’re the subject of their own Rolling Stone exposé.

People who define themselves by the most disposable of expressions and since trying to be good and known is so difficult, decided it’s easier to just simulate success instead of working harder on the mediums.

You know, frauds.

I’m surrounded by a generation of ‘fake it til you make it’ personalities who thrive on all the shit I find utterly useless, meaningless and the worst crime - boring.

Entrepreneurs in narcissism who communicate through gossip and trade in brand expression, littering the artistic landscape with recycled lateral thinking dog turds.

It’s exhausting,debilitating, and absolutely the future as AI replaces our normal careers, forcing all of us into becoming Instagram models and Influencers.

And everyday I have to have deep sobering introspection trying to figure out if I’m not equally culpable in this terrible trap of meaningless thinking.

Not that there’s anything wrong with meaningless. Not everything has to have as everlasting an impact as Ode to Joy.

I mean really, what actually matters if we all die and whatever impact we had becomes erased regardless of whether or not it takes years, months, days or even minutes after we are laid into the ground?

Most of everyone who has been born has meant nothing and left no trace or measurement that they even existed at all. Think of all the stillborn babies who didn’t even get the chance.

Nature the cold hearted bitch strikes again!

People call me jaded and bitter for these thoughts, but I promise you - I hold no anger or selfish need to compensate my own lacking by exclaiming ‘people are mostly shit and none of this will stand the test of time’. I’m very fun at parties.

It’s just the people desperate to matter that think reality is inherently mean.

Celebrate the achievement not the person, but also - let’s not over inflate the achievement to validate our own petty need for someone to hear our folk song about getting a handy while watching American Beauty or whatever.

A quick story.

One of the most talented people I ever met was a dude from Philly named Perone.

Perone played bass and was known across the city as being this incredible player who for some reason just never found a project he clicked with.

I met him when I was 18 and homeless, living in a 24 hour diner he waited tables at. Everyone loved this dude and for some reason he took care of me. Hooking up free salads, sodas, bread. He was the coolest dude I ever met.

I was learning guitar and we both loved 70’s soul and blues music so we’d jam together which in hindsight was wild.

I had no fucking idea what I was doing and yet here was this genius jamming patiently along.

Teaching me without putting in a show that he was actually teaching me, if that makes sense?

Was he perfect? No. Not at all. He was charismatic as fuck, but obviously weighted down with some demons.

The weirdest thing I could say about him - and I don’t know how to even properly frame this was - he used to draw on bed sheets.

For years he had a dream about a woman he never met and would paint her face on the bed sheets and attach lyrics to songs he was writing next to her face. These sheets hung all over his walls.

Keep in mind he was living with a girl at the time. He had a kid, yet here were all these sheets dedicated to a fictional white woman he was obsessed with, hung like championship banners across his entire two bedroom apartment.

My last conversation with Perone was perfect. I sat strumming his guitar while he smoked meth out of a can of Pepsi, telling me how Michael Jackson was the King.

Every click of the lighter, every inhale and exhale would punctuate just how much Michael Jackson meant to the world and music.

How Motown celebrated their 25th anniversary with a tv special and Michael Jackson came out and destroyed with the moonwalk.

“Dude, (click) black people loved Michael (inhale). White people loved Michael. (exhale)Young people loved Michael. (cough) Old people loved Michael. (click) None of this race or generation shit mattered. (inhale) It was because of the music and HE did that. (exhale) He bridged everything together in that one moment. (violent cough) Michael Jackson is and will always be the King. (click) Fuck Elvis.”

That was twenty years ago. I have no idea if he’s still alive, earned a living with his music or met the woman he’d dreamt and painted for years. Or if instead he succumbed to meth, took his own life and or manages an Olive Garden.

I don’t know and I don’t have to. I miss him and appreciate the things we shared that mattered and helped me grow as a person, but that’s all it ever will be.

Let justice be done and handled by those involved in their situation and value only the things and constructs that have some permanence or growth in your own life.

Either way you will still die, and wether it’s alone and forgotten or if it takes centuries for people to forget you were a miserable deaf cunt who wrote some sweet jams - you’ll eventually be nothing.

Fuck Elvis.