#we won't be able to afford it when i retire

[senoritafish]

This is for where I live, from last year.

$80,000 a year is considered 'low-income' in Orange County, state report says

That's for a single person. For a family of 4 it's $115k.

My income plus spouse's disability is slightly more than 65k, but half my income goes to rent and most of the rest is food, bills & gas to get to work. My paycheck is usually almost completely gone after the first week of the month. Spouse's comes in the middle but it's only a fifth as much, and we usually have to take out a payday loan/donate plasma for groceries for the last week. That's for two disabled people, me and an underemployed student.

If we lived somewhere cheaper, we might be a bit better off, but kind of tied to the area for my job, for which I do have fairly decent benefits even if the pay is on the lower end for my type of work.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[thekoalapastriesbakery]

drivers reaction to realising they’re the sugar baby/ they earn less money in the relationship haha

also i am deciding to become spoon anon (if it’s not taken haha)

it's not taken!

also sugar baby!drivers is an excellent concept. we should talk abt it a lot. please.

alex albon:

lowkey not surprised

you don't make a big deal about how much money you have/earn

you probably live like a (mostly) normal person who just happens to be able to afford to go to a lot of races

but there were clues

totally brags about it all the time

he probably doesn't spend your money all that much tbh

and he'll never admit how much he likes it when you buy him gifts for no reason

charles leclerc:

GIVE THIS MAN THE PRINCESS TREATMENT HE DESERVES!!!!

he's like that shocked pikachu face when he finds out

totally blindsided

i mean he knew you weren't struggling or anything but he never expected you to be earning more than him?

definitely questions the entire relationship dynamic lmao

and then very comfortably settles into his rightful role of passenger princess

you are the only person he'll let drive him around without freaking out

(also probably into pretending that he's actually your sugar baby when he sends you personal photos)

franco colapinto:

this boy talks abt being poor so much he probably assumed you made more money than he did

still probably only thought you made like a comfortable wage and not more than an actual f1 salary?

takes a longggggg time for him to be comfortable with you spending money on him

when he does though ... he gets so giggly whenever you give him presents istg

kinda loves that he can just pretend to be your trophy boyfriend

jenson button:

post-retirement he's surprised but like. it's much more feasible?

still takes him a minute to get his head around but then he's always teasing you about making you pay for dates and everything

pre-retirement though? he is a MENACE

he's using your card for literally everything and absolutely will not shut up about being a sugar baby to the other drivers (even though you're actually his boyfriend and not just his sugar daddy)

side note but he'd definitely be using your money to buy himself sex toys and stuff and then sending you cheeky texts thanking you for the 'gift' and a photo of him using it

kimi antonelli:

surprised but pleasantly

definitely holds it over ollie's head

loveloveloves being your trophy boyfriend

like he's a literal f1 driver now and he's walking around telling people about how his boyfriend bought him his dream (road) car

very cute

kimi raikkonen:

kinda doesn't care but still kinda likes it?

he doesn't want you to spend tons of money on him

but he likes that you could

also likes homemade things a lot more than if you bought him something mega expensive?

he'd take cooking together over a fancy restaurant any day

lance stroll:

did not think it was possible

and tbf neither did anyone else

the whole internet thought you were a gold digger

lance knew it was possibility but he was like. ykw he's hot and i love him idc.

and then he catches a glimpse of your bank account one day and his eyes nearly fall out of his head

kind of loses his mind a little bit?

can't talk to you without stuttering and blushing for DAYS

secretly likes it when you call him a princess

yes this is a reference to the "call me a pillow princess the way i sleep forever and ever" post

oscar piastri:

silently proud

lets you pay for everything (you WILL fight him for the cheque)

kinda loves that you just quietly take care of him?

won't really tell anyone other than his family and maybe logan because it came up once

you would definitely take care of his whole family at the drop of a hat

guys i think i may have fallen in love with sugar baby!drivers

[corrodedseraphine]

wherever I am | one shot

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

based on my second (!!!) request from @phantypurple, thank you dear, I hope you won't be dissappointed! this time insead a long story I present you some short scenes, hope that's okay

request: Eddie x reader. They haven't met yet, but they keep bumping into eachother constantly by luck. (Going to grocery shopping and she is there, going to the music store and he is there, etc) and they both feel really attracted to the other but they don't interact until CC just forces them cause they can't stand the pinning anymore and then it's cute and fluff.

3 002 words

The one shot is also avaliable on ao3

eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

1990

The first thing Eddie did as soon as he fully recovered was to become employed in the mechanic's shop of one of Hopper's friends. After a few years of hard work, Eddie was appreciated, because when Mr. Smith retired it was Young Munson who became the new owner of the place. Thanks to this, you were able to afford to buy an apartment together. When everything was ready you organized a housewarming party, thus together with those closest to you you were now sitting in the large living room celebrating the new beginning of your future together.

"I'd like to ask for everyone's attention!" Eddie exclaimed, standing in the middle of the room. At the sound of these words, Dustin quickly ran to another room and returned from it with a huge cardboard box wrapped in gift paper, which he handed to Eddie. "This is a small gift, for our beautiful new start, dear." he said, placing the box in your lap. It was suspiciously light.

"What is it?" you asked curiously.

"Unpack it and you'll find out." he showed his boyish smile.

So you started unpacking. In the large cardboard box was...a smaller one. In the smaller one was an even smaller carton, and so on endlessly. With amusement you unpacked step by step, until finally you reached the smallest item. The item at the sight of which took your breath away and the laughter and conversation throughout the living room quieted. Almost no one expected something like this.  Your hands were shaking as you opened the small velvet box that contained the ring. You didn't even notice when Eddie got down on one knee in front of you, watching your reaction carefully. He slowly took it from you and began to speak.

"As I said...this is our new beginning together. I have always known that you are special. Something has always been drawing us to each other, I don't know what it was but I'm damn grateful for every moment that fate put you in my path. Without hesitation you followed me to hell. You never left my side, and I hope you know that I would have done the same for you." His voice was slowly breaking, and tears were flowing from his eyes however, he was still smiling. "I love you. I love you more than anything in my life, and I want you to always remember that. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know that together we can handle anything. The last few years have shown me that a trip to Mordor will be like a damn trip to Disneyland for us." he laughed. "Together we are unbreakable. So now, in the presence of our family I want to ask, will you make me the happiest man in the world and become my wife?"

"Yes!" the world around you was spinning. Your heart was beating so loudly that it drowned out the applause of the rest. Seconds later you were kneeling on the floor next to him as he gently slid the ring onto your finger.

"I love you Eddie. I love you so damn much," you hugged him and cried into the bend of his neck repeating those words again and again.

"I love you too, sweetheart. I always will." he muttered into your hair embracing you and stroking your back.  When you separated from each other it was time for congratulations. Everyone hugged you in turn telling you how happy they were with your happiness. Wayne also couldn't hold back tears when he said he welcomed you to the family.

"Does that mean I'm going to be your best man?" asked an excited Dustin.

"And why should it be you?" asked Mike.

"Yeah! I was the one who helped packing the ring!" interjected Lucas.

"But I was the one who came up with the idea to pack it like that!" exclaimed Dustin.

"You seem to forget that it was me and Steve who helped him pick the ring." added Will high-fiving Steve.

"That's enough of this pointless argument, gentlemen!" suddenly Gareth got up from his seat and walked over to Eddie putting his arm around him. "Everyone knows that if anyone is to be best man it will be me," he said.

"And why is that?" Dustin was shocked.

"Because if it weren't for me, the thing between them would never have happened." he smirked

"What is he talking about?" you asked curiously.

"Dude, for real? Now?" Eddie groaned.

"Time to face the truth my friend." Jeff added with a laugh.

"Honey, before I say anything I would like to remind you that the offer was accepted by you, you were aware of your actions and returns are not accepted." He said looking and kissed you wanting to soften your heart. "Sit down. It's story time." He sighed.

January 1986

Mondays were never one of Eddie's favorite days, but the delivery of supplies at the music store always made them bearable.

"Hi Dave!" he shouted toward the owner as he walked inside, letting in the cold air behind him.

"Shut the damn door boy!" the man replied. Dave was a good friend of Wayne's. One of very few. This friendship did not bother Eddie one bit, on the contrary. A friendly discount on all new tapes was something awesome for him.

"Oh, yes, shit, sorry."

"You're earlier today." he said pulling out a big box from under the counter, at the sight of which Eddie's eyes lit up.

"I couldn't miss it!" The boy immediately dived into it, looking intently at the small plastic packages.

"You know the deal. You're the first person to look through them, but you put them all nicely in their place."

"Sure thing." Eddie smiled broadly and at a slow speed began unpacking the contents of the carton and laying everything out in its proper places. Fully absorbed in his task, he paid no attention to what was going on around him, so he flinched slightly when he felt someone tapping him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, sir." He turned quickly toward your voice. When he saw you he stopped moving. You looked really beautiful, your nose and cheeks red from the cold added to your charm. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm looking for the store manager." You said trying to mask your stress and sound in control and professional. His attention, however, did not escape the slight tremor of your words and your slightly too fast breathing. He noticed something about you that didn't allow him to simply look away. You must have been new in town, because he was sure you would have definitely attracted his attention before. Besides, he didn't think anyone had ever addressed to him as Sir. Hardly anyone called him by his first name let alone this.

"Are you looking for him because...?" he asked grinning as a plan popped into his head.

"I saw a sign in the window saying you were looking for employees. I just moved to Hawkins and I am interested in a job offer. Here's my resume." You said holding out a piece of paper in front of you.

"This is your lucky day! You're talking to a manager himself!" he said enthusiastically, smiling wider.

"Not true!" Dave's voice came to you as Eddie reached out to take the resume from your hands. Seeing the other man's reaction, you stepped back confused. "This punk doesn't even work here." he continued. Eddie just rolled his eyes and went back to his previous activity, trying to hear what you were talking about. For some reason, he wasn't able to focus on the music anymore, and his gaze wandered to the small wooden table where you and Dave were sitting. He suspected that he would be here much more often from now on. 

A few days later, Eddie and Wayne went out shopping. In the parking lot in front of the store, he noticed a rather familiar figure. Maybe not exactly familiar, but certainly the one he had thought about very often since meeting her at the music store. With a bag slung over your shoulder, you quickly entered the store, and they followed your footsteps. Still looking around between the shelves, Eddie couldn't focus on what his uncle was saying. Finally somewhere in the chemistry aisle he spotted you and stopped to observe what you were doing.

"Are you even listening to me son?" asked an irritated Wayne when Eddie, stopping, bumped into him. "What the hell are you looking at?" followed his nephew's gaze. You stubbornly tried to reach the laundry detergent from the top shelf by jumping up.

Unfortunately, it had no effect. Resigned, you put one foot on the lowest shelf. "Go help the girl before she knocks over the whole thing on herself, not stare!"  With a quick step, he moved towards you, seeing the rack slowly starting to wobble. "Hey, let me help you." He said quickly standing next to you and reaching for the detergent. He was close enough that he could easily smell your perfume, not at all surprised that he liked it.

"Thank you, Eddie." you said, smiling shyly.

"Wait-do you know my name?" he asked shocked.

"I've heard a little about you," you said.

"I'm betting that the things you heard were not among the best..." he rolled his eyes.

"Just because I heard them doesn't mean I believe them." You shrugged your shoulders. "Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome, help you with anything else?" he didn't know what but something inside didn't want to let you go at any cost.

"I think I can handle it. Have a good day, Eddie!" you said goodbye and, together with your purchases, you moved ahead.

To young Munson slowly began to get the meaning of your words. You had heard about him. People probably started warning you about the local freak the very first day your foot stepped on Hawkins land. But you didn't care. He still had a chance. But a chance for what actually? He didn't know himself.

"She looks nice." Wayne's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, she does." he whispered still not taking his eyes off you.

"What's her name?"

"Oh, shit..."

You were everywhere. He had to let someone go across the crosswalk? It was you. The girl who accidentally bumped into him while walking in the woods when he was going to his regular selling spot? Of course it was you. He no longer counted the number of times you stood behind each other in line at the store or passed each other on the street. Wherever he was, you were there, too. For the moment, he was able to recognize you in the biggest crowd. Even without seeing you yet, he felt your presence, felt this strange attraction and a moment later he always found a face he couldn't stop thinking about. Still, he did not know your name. Of course, he thought about it many times. He applied all sorts of names to you, wondering which one fit best, hoping that one day he would finally not have to make them up.

"Hey, loverboy!" Gareth threw a drumstick at him.

"What?" he asked, shaking it off.

"Thinking about the mysterious stranger again?" laughed Jeff. "Shut up," he muttered.

"For five minutes we've been talking to you about a new song and you're somewhere else! We'll never get beyond the Hideout with this attitude."

"Stop being dramatic and play!" Eddie growled while grabbing his guitar. The rest immediately returned to their instruments harmonizing with the guitar. Before the song was over something else caught his attention. Suddenly, a jacket in a color he knew well appeared on the porch of the house across the street. He squinted his eyes wanting to take a closer look when you turned. Your gaze immediately met his. You smiled broadly while waving in his direction, and he immediately stopped playing to wave you back.

"Who the hell are you waving at?" asked Gareth, annoyed by the sudden pause.

"And you're smiling so stupidly." Simon added.

"That's her..." Eddie said quietly still smiling. He watched as you got into the car and slowly drove off from under the house.

"You have a crush on Mrs. Hunson's granddaughter?" Mrs. Hunson was the owner of the house across the street and the only person in the neighborhood who tolerated the band's rehearsals in Gareth's garage. Maybe it was because her husband was a big metal fan, or maybe because she was deaf in one ear and the noise didn't bother her that much.

"Do you... uh- Do you know what her name is?" he asked scratching the back of his neck.

"Dude! You've been drooling over her for over a month now and you don't even know her name?" the situation was hilarious to the rest of the band.

"Why don't you be a good friend and finally tell me?" Munson bit back.

"And just so you know, I'll help you! But not like this." A sinister smile crept onto Emerson's face.

"And what way?"

"You'll find out in your own time. Now play!" 

The crowd at the Hideout was not the largest, as always. That's why when he noticed you sitting alone at one of the tables surprise and excitement mixed into one. This had to be a sign. Since you even found yourself here and sat there watching him with a smile on your lips it had to mean something. Fate had put you on your path too many times to just leave it at that. For the first time in his life, he couldn't wait to get off the stage. Unfortunately, there were still a few songs ahead of them. Feeling a surge of positive energy, he began to pull out all his aces from his sleeve. The sight of you giggling fueled him even more, he showed off as much as he could when the performance finally came to an end. Applauding loudly you got up from the table walking towards him. He didn't know if his heart was beating so hard from fatigue or because of you.

"Hi," you greeted.

"Hi!" he replied enthusiastically.

"You were great!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." there was a moment of awkward silence between the two of you as you stood like that and looked at each other.

"And uh... I got your note," you said reaching into your pocket.

"My note?" he asked puzzled.

"Yes, the one you left in the letterbox?" seeing his surprise you looked even more confused than he was. Eddie quickly took the paper from your hand and opened it. 

I have a strange feeling that wherever I am you are there too, just as if fate  wanted to tell us something. How about the first non-accidental meeting?  The Hideout. 8pm on Tuesday. - Eddie

Oh shit. Shitshitshitshit. So that was Gareth's great plan to help him. To trick him and bring you here. But you didn't know that. And since you came here it meant that you wanted to meet him. That you wanted to get to know him better. Missing such an opportunity would be a sin, wouldn't it? He took a deep breath.

"I'm glad you came." he said handing you back the card. "Would you like a drink?"

"With pleasure."

"So... first question. What's your name?" he asked smiling shyly as you sat down.

"Oh, right." You laughed and introduced yourself.

Very quickly you found a common language. Eddie told you a little more about the band, you told what brought you to Hawkins. The fact that you had to stay here for the next few years made him very happy. It meant a great amount of time to get to know each other better. And that's exactly what happened. From that day on, with each date you discovered something new about each other, more reasons that made you both begin to understand why fate pushed you in each other's direction. Every moment you spent together seemed appropriate. It is known that there were ups and downs, but you always coped with it. Your friendship quickly turned into a relationship that exploded into the truest love. You were made for each other, written in the stars. You were inseparable, and your love became unbreakable. 

"Wait, what?!" you exclaimed. "You want to tell me that the note I've always carried with me in my wallet from is from Gareth? Are you kidding me?"

"Hey, you're being mean!" Emerson indignantly replied. "After all, it worked! You couldn't stop admiring that gesture for years!"

"Because I thought Eddie did it!" you were shocked. How did he manage to keep it a secret all these years?

"It's a good thing Gareth didn't have to propose for him too." Robin said amused by the situation, causing the rest to laugh.

"No one else has the right to propose to her!" exclaimed Eddie coming up to you. "'Baby are you mad at me? I beg you not to be." he put his hands on your shoulders watching your reaction. "I had to lie then, because I was afraid it would be a one-in-a-million chance to keep you with me."

"Why didn't you tell for all these years?" you asked.

"I have no idea. I'm really sorry. But I want to remind you that for real I don't take returns." He kissed you on the forehead. "You are grounded with me. Forever now." he added trying to fake a tone of voice like a villain.

"You are impossible." You sighed hugging him. If you had found out in a different situation maybe you would have actually been a little angry. However, today you were able to forgive him a lot. Thinking about how interesting the rest of your life would be by his side, you couldn't stop smiling. Your silly boy. Your hero. Your Eddie. And soon - your husband.

taglist: @i-me-mine

[shygamergirl01]

In The Next Room

Sam Drake x Fem Reader

(Warnings: swearing, Fluff/Smut 18+ (if you're under 18 please don't read))

(A/n: This is the first fic I'm actually posting on here, I hope y'all like it. This turned out to be more fluff than smut, so if there is a want for a more smutty version of this let me know.)

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Lounging on the bed in my motel room, lazily scrolling through TV channels trying to find something to drown out the sounds coming from the next room.

I've been travelling with the infamous Samuel Drake for a while now, we met through his brother Nathan. Since Nate retired a few years ago, I've been working with Sam and Sully. Which so far has been one of the best choices I've made. It's been great to travel the world with like minded people, doing what you love.

Things have slightly changed between Sam and I since I've developed a crush on the older Drake. I'm not 100% sure how or when, but now I've had to deal with it while spending a lot of one on one time with him.

While we've been in Spain, on the hunt for yet another hidden relic. Sam as made a habit of going to the nearest bar and bringing anything with a pulse back to his room. Which just to be right next to mine, it also doesn't help that our beds are on the same wall, so I have to try and sleep with his bed banging against the wall.

This is the fifth night in a row this has happened and I've had enough, so I angrily pound my fist against my side of the wall. After a moment it becomes quiet on Sam's side, letting out a sigh of relief that it's over I turn off my TV and I begin to get settled in bed.

But I pause hearing a knock on the door. Sighing frustratedly as I put my robe back on and I make my way to the door. Looking through the peep hole seeing Sam in a tshirt and boxers, I take a breath before I open the door for him.

"Are you happy with yourself?" "I don't know what you're talking about" Sam gives me a look which says he's not gonna put up with any bullshit. "Come on, why did you have to interrupt my fun?" "That particular 'fun' may have been ruined, but I'm sure you could go down to the bar and find someone else to have 'fun' with tonight" I turn my back to him and make my way back to the bed.

Sam follows me and shuts the door behind him. "Is that all you wanted Samuel?" I look back at him, hands on my hips. Sam looks at me, with a strange look on his face like he's putting pieces together. "How come you didn't disturb me the last 4 times?" He moves closer, crossing his arms. "Because, I thought you'd stop after the first one. Do you realise how thin these walls are?"

Sam shakes his head "then why didn't you interrupt on the second night, huh?" I open my mouth to speak but I find that I have no rebuttal. "You wanna know what I think? I think you're jealous." My eyes widen at his comment "and why would I be jealous?" Crossing my arms I move away from him but he closes the gap, causing the tension in the room to increase.

"Come on.. you can be honest with me, we're friends right?" I nod "yeah, friends" "so why won't you be honest with me and tell me why you felt the need to stop me from fucking a sexy Spanish lady?" I let out a huff as I shake my head. "I.... just drop it." I turn my back to him once again, not being able to look at him any more.

Sam gets a hold of my wrist, turning me back around and forcing me to look at him. His eyebrows creased with worry, "why can't you be honest with me Y/N?" Tears pool in my eyes, taking a shakey breath "because Sam, I can't afford to make things weird between us."

Sam lets out a small laugh "things are going to be weird between us if you're not going to tell me the truth." I shake my head and wipe my eyes, then I try to escape his grasp but he only made his hold harder. "Sam.." finally looking into his eyes, taking a deep breath before I speak.

"Fine you want the truth Samuel? I have feelings for you.. there, I said it..now you can leave" I forcefully pull my wrist from his grasp. Sam looks at me perplexed, "what? Why won't you just leave me alone?" I try to push him out of the room but he won't move.

His hands find my hips, holding me in place. He stares into my eyes. "I've been into you since Nathan introduced us.. I just wasn't sure if you'd be into me in that way." I stare at him with a blank look so he continues, "I mean look at me, I'm covered in scars and wrinkles.."

Having heard enough I grab the back of his neck and I pull him into a kiss, once the shock passes Sam kisses me back. After awhile we part, "I happen to find your scars hot as hell." A grin appears on Sam's lips at the comment, "is that right? What else do you find 'hot as hell' about me?"

"It's hot when you know when not to push your luck." Sam raises his arms in surrender, "ok.. ok but in all seriousness.. how come we were idiots for so long?" I shrug "your guess is as good as mine, probably fear of rejection?" He nods in agreement "seems the most logical, but now that it's out in the open.. I believe we have to make up for some lost time huh?"

Smiling at eachother we kiss again, much more heated this time. Hands roaming bodies, clothes being removed, hickies forming on skin. Some how we make it to the bed, falling onto it. By this point I'm laid bare before his eyes, feeling his lustful gaze on my bare skin.

"I can't believe we didn't admit feelings earlier, we could have done this much sooner" I nod my head in agreement, enthralled in Sam's bare body. Tracing each tattoo and scar with my eyes, he pulls me from my haze with a tender touch on my cheek.

"Hey.. if you don't want to do this, it's ok.. just because we're into eachother, doesn't mean we have to do anything more than this." As he speaks he caresses my cheek with his thumb. Smiling at him I pull him in to kiss him again, trying to portray how thankful I am that he said what he did.

"As much as I want to jump your bones right now, I don't know how I feel about the fact that you were in bed with someone else less than an hour ago." Sam nods with a awkward laugh, "fair enough, I respect your decision." He kisses my forehead before he leaves the bed and grabs his boxers from the floor putting them on, then tossing me his tshirt smiling.

I slip the tshirt on, inhaling the smell of him. Slipping under the covers, Sam turns off the light and joins me. "You know, my world seems to revolve around you." I turn to look at him, suprised "really?" Even in the dark room I see him nod.

"It's hard to explain.." I place my hand on his face, "I understand, honestly it feels like I can't live without you now." Sam shifts closer to me, "I've lost sleep thinking about you... these last few days.. I can't get you out of my mind." He presses his lips softly to mine but moves away before I can return the kiss, he gives me a sly grin.

"We should get some sleep, big day tomorrow" He rolls onto his back, the arm closest to me lies open. I take the open invitation and lays my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. "Of course, good night and sleep well Sam" shimmying into his warm frame, I close my eyes and begins falling to sleep.

Sam holds me against him, kissing the top of my head and plays with my hair, smiling up at the ceiling before succumbing to sleep himself.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

[shrimplymoray]

I'm gonna use the little bit of traction I got with my latest posts to share this

I have commissions opened and I really need the money for it

A little bit of background on myself (no need to see if you don't want to, it is just explaining why this, so out of nowhere)

I am a disabled Brazilian artist with a focus on fanart. I am from a poor family, we use all the money we have and a bit more we get from the help of friends to live by. I am the oldest of 3 siblings, and I live with my stepdad, my mother, my grandma, and my siblings. I have Level 1 Autism and Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy. I am over 18, but I am not able to work due to my autism limitations. I am currently studying ONLY because of a university program that pays all my university fees. My mom is on a medical retiring license off work because she has panic attacks at work. My stepdad is the only one in my house who works, and we use all that money in bills, food, and medicine. My younger siblings don't have the age to work, and my youngest one was diagnosed with autism together with ADHD.

Nowadays, we spend over 800 BRS on medicines, not counting other medical bills we have like my braces or therapy. My brother is getting as much for free, but I'm not so lucky, as I am a legal adult now. My family has been trying for 2 years to get a benefit from the government that would help us, but it is stuck in the judge's table, we can only wait for it.

I don't have therapy anymore, nor have a neurologist. I am without one of my medicines and don't have the money to go to my Psychiatrist to find a way to get more. I've recently found out I was groomed since I was 16, and I also deal with the past traumas of domestic abuse, sexual harassment, bullying, and more.

All the money I get is to try funding therapy for me. Whatever I get besides that is gonna go for me to buy a better computer so I can study and do more commissions. I also am engaged, and would like to save some money for when my fiancé comes to live with me, we can get married.

My whole goal with my art since the beginning was to share stories, make people see characters that they can relate to, and spread joy. My dreams are to be a webtoon artist, get married, and be able to afford a good life for my family, where my siblings won't need to wear hand-me-downs, where my mom will not need to go to work risking having a panic attack, where my grandma can relax and finally enjoy her retirement, where my stepdad can make a barbecue like he loves, and with as much hot sauce as he wants. Where my fiancé can relax and not need to wait over 4 years to see me again.

Any help, be it commissioning or even reblogging and spreading this, goes a long way. I have not forgotten the name of a single person who has commissioned me in the past, and I don't plan on forgetting anyone who does so in the future.

[vinnamah]

I feel like I was failed. Grew up in one of those "mental illnesses are all made up for attention" households, and at school I was just that "really weird but super smart gifted kid. A socially awkward and hyper kid"

Never got tested for anything. Kind of screwed me over because, like a lot of gifted kids, I never learned how to study or how to properly learn something that didn't instantly click until I hit college and flunked out. Three times.

Officially disgnosed with GAD and Depression. Self-disgnosed/never officially diagnosed ADHD. Probably on the autism spectrum too. Like I hesitate to take that label because I've not gotten an official diagnosis, and the imposter syndrome is strong. But I do have like all the hallmark "undiagnosed girl because we didn't think girls could have autism until like a decade ago, and we have only ever researched and documented this condition through the lens of white boys"

Not to mention my chronic physical pain. How am I meant to have a job, work enough to afford to live? When neurotypical able-bodied people can't even do so? I'm not. We are not meant to. A lot of us can't, no matter how hard we try!

I'll never be able to afford to see a doctor. Don't have health insurance. These problems prevent me from working more than like 20 hours a week maximum, or going back to school. And getting diagnosed won't magically fix anything either.

I'm in my mid-20's and feel like I've already wasted my whole life. Ruined it and wasted it and failed at it. Just dragging myself along barely surviving the war going on inside my own head at all times. The executive dysfunction, the anxieties, the guilt and shame.

But then I stop and tell myself that it wasn't fair to begin with. Even if I was neurotypical and able-bodied, I'd still be completely fucked, with the state of the country and the world. The economy. The climate. The planet itself. The shitstorm the boomers left for us. All of it. So why not just live life day by day. Fuck it all. Who cares if I flunked outta college 3x and will probably work part-time minimum wage jobs my whole life because I can't handle anything more than that? As long as I can afford to live, who cares? (Problem is right now I can't afford to live) but like who cares that I'll never save up anything for retirement. Neither is probably 70% of my generation. Good chance I'll die before it becomes a problem, and if not, hopefully some sort of system or program gets put into place to help my entire generation our (and generations to come that also are being fucked over by the boomers). And if not, well that's a problem for old-me. Not like I could do anything about it now anyways, so why bother worrying about it and letting it ruin my peace and joy now. Like I'm screwed no matter how you slice it, so may as well try to find joy by living in the moment and ignoring my very Real and Scary future.

[fruityuncleskeletor]

I'm so sorry if I sound like a cunt right now but I have so much trouble empathising with rich people when they're "sad". And I get it, idol life sounds like it can be a nightmare half the time, but they know what they're signing up to. Most of us will never have this kind of opportunity in life, or even escape poverty with the way the world is. And sure, money can't buy true happiness but it sure as hell eliminates the vast majority of stressors that drive people into deep depression and gives access to all the treatments and meds that improve your condition. Maybe this makes me a horrible person but I'd much rather go through trauma and depression in a mansion being able to feed myself and my loved ones, all my bills paid on time, than struggle with depression as is plus the depression of having to choose between eating or paying rent. He could retire tomorrow and have his life set.

You know what? Your feelings are valid AND justified. I feel the same most of the time. Buuut... There's also a halo effect at work, surrounding celebrities - just because they are attractive and competent in one area, we tend to assume they are ethical people and in our minds, they can do no wrong. Their PR machine definitely works hard to confirm this biased view we hold of them.

My tags on the story video have just as much chance to be projection as they do to be a reflection of his emotions and intentions while posting that video. There was just something so endlessly sad to it - the fact that he is bare-faced and not smiling at all, and how he shifted the focus towards that one lonely insect in that tiny, mostly dry patch of flowers. It made me feel horrible because I forgot all about festival season and favourite bands and it reminded me that the bugs are fewer and fewer, we have no more seasons in Europe and the heat in the cities is making the elderly die in their homes. I have definitely said it before: I too would prefer to weep in a Ferrari than on a fucking bus. And I am a bigger, saltier cunt for thinking how easy it would be for celebrities to be vegan, to not wear fur and leather, to not work with corrupt brands, to tell people to really think it through before having kids they cannot afford to raise - and seeing that none of my faves are engaging in that. Because being famous and rich is more rewarding than being compassionate and using your platform to ACTUALLY change the world for the better by changing the people you touch with your art. But that stance can definitely coexist with compassion towards him. He could be my child, age-wise, and he seems to have a harder and harder time with the demands of celebrity. And even if he's feeling despair at the state of the world while dripped in Louis Vitty from head to toe, he would still get a hug from me. We're all trapped in this hell together and HE is definitely not the one who's keeping you and me poor and making the oceans boil. Oh and by the way: money doesn't buy happiness, but it definitely buys you the freedom you need to search for happiness. I'm definitely struggling right now, and feeling shame about it too. So we're not looking at things from that different of a perspective. By the end of this summer, all my friends will have seen SKZ live somewhere near them and I will feel really poor and left out. I can't even say, "fuck it! I won't have a future anyway, better live it up now" because I am too salty and it costs nothing to have my friends think I'm a fake fan for not traveling to another country and paying one month's paycheck to see men shaking their butts on a tiny-ass stage far away. So not engaging in that kind of sacrifice just to see my current obsession band is all I can afford right now.

[yellowstonewolves-main]

But also, aborting a disabled fetus is not like aborting a baby for being a Scorpio. It's usually an informed decision based on women asking themselves how much and what kind of domestic labor they're comfortable with doing and making decisions in hopes that they won't have to do more than that. I don't think it's substantially different than someone deciding to become a gen ed teacher instead of a special ed teacher, or a general babysitter versus a carer for a service that provides respite for kids with disabilities.

We think it is different for two reasons. First, we see abortion as an extreme option that needs special justification instead of as a value-neutral choice. Second, because we do not see domestic labor as real labor. A man marries his housekeeper and the country's GDP falls, and we as leftists lose sympathy for any frustrations she has with her labor conditions as a parent.

The domestic labor conditions for people with developmentally disabled children are inhumane really. Like, 24/7 physically hazardous lifelong labor in some cases. It's so reasonable to not want to do that. To want to have ample time to read and bathe and pursue hobbies. To want to go to the grocery store without it being a whole thing. To want to avoid being physically bitten or scratched, to want to avoid handling someone else's bodily fluids every day forever. To want the ability to retire. To want to avoid the traumatic emotional labor of supporting your child through medical emergencies and end-of-life care. Even for the people who can afford 24/7 caregiving coordinating that care is a huge stressful responsibility especially when half the professionals are insufficiently trained and experienced. If in order to believe that "Disabled people aren't a burden" you find yourself arguing that "Caregiving isn't real, difficult labor" then your respect for disabled people is based on pure fantasy.

It's so frustrating to see people who will straight up ADMIT that they could not last a day as a nurse or carer or CNA and turn around and judge people for not wanting or being able to do THAT SAME LABOR BUT ALL THE TIME FOREVER!

Oh but there's a chance they could end up in that position anyway? Really? Yeah you can say that about any reason people choose to get abortions! Oh you had an abortion because you didn't feel ready to have a baby when you were homeless and alone now you're financially stable and have a partner and want to have a kid? Ugh, you shouldn't conceive because you could lose all your money and your partner could die and you've proven you can't parent under those circumstances :(. This kind of family planning is not a referendum on your fitness for dealing with extreme circumstances, just on whether, if you had the option, you'd get an abortion in order to avoid them.

TLDR: If you would't bark at someone for choosing not to adopt a special needs kid but aborting a disabled fetus is eugenics to you you are not as pro choice as you think you are!

[geek-fashionista]

When you said you would be retiring from writing fanfics, does it include no drabbles for the otp weeks as well?

I don't mean to pry and you must have thought a lot before making up your mind; but what made you reach this decision of no longer writing ffn? Is it to focus more on original works?

Sorry for being nosy.

No worries, Anon! I'm happy to answer.

Recently I was briefly pregnant, which changed my priorities in a radical way. It rewired my brain so fast that even my depression disappeared, which was super nice. And even though Baby ultimately decided Earth wasn't for them, I think their role in my life was to force me to decide what was actually important to me.

Right now, I'm writing full-time. That being said, I still have low stamina due to chronic arm and hand pain, which limits me to about 1,500 words a day. The average novel is 60,000 words long. An average season of Trainwrecks clocks in at around 50,000 words (there will be eight seasons). And unless Trainwrecks starts making serious money, I'm going to need to get a job soon because rent is $2000+ in our area and we won't be able to get by on one salary for much longer.

So I'm running out of time to write full-time, can only write so many words in a day, and I still need to crank out a novel draft that I can try to publish traditionally. And write short stories for competitions and magazines and anthologies that pay.

Some might say fan fiction will get me more exposure, but will it really? The numbers on my fics these days simply don't match the time I spend working on them. Which is an unfortunate way to look at it, but I'm not a teenager with all the time in the world anymore. I'm a married 30-something with cranky hands who can't afford rent, let alone a house, let alone a baby I desperately wanted.

So I'd rather give up the thing that isn't bringing me joy or serving me anymore, y'know?

When that blood clot and the death of two people close to me made me face my own mortality, the thing that broke my heart more than anything was the thought of dying and taking my characters with me, stories untold, decaying before they even had a chance to live. Other people can write fan fiction, but only I can set my characters free.

Anyway, sorry for such a morbid response. I hope you give Trainwrecks a chance.

[sockeye-run]

Up early on a Saturday (it's my Friday) again. Usually I get to work early to open the cafe for breakfast service so that our bee pick up customers have a coffee and hot food option on site; a lot of them drive for hours to pick up their nucs and packages, even from out of state. Just coming from north Texas is basically out of state by sheer distance alone lol.

But today is BuzzFest, our annual summer festival about all things bees. We have the American Honey Princess visiting from Iowa, multiple other apiaries and honey producers vending and doing demonstrations, honey tastings and trivia, educational demonstrations, food trucks and arts and crafts and games (including a bouncy castle and a water slide!)... It's expected to be a big event, hopefully nearing 1,000+ customers between 11-3 today.

I'm assigned to retail, so I'm lucky enough to get to stay in the shade and AC. I've been told that when in retail, you just stand behind the register all day, no time or space to do anything else. You have to force bathroom and food breaks for each other. I'm not too worried, I've worked many a high volume, high chaos event before. This is just my first experience with it at the farm. We've spent all week as a team prepping for it, and it should be great. I wanted to make kolaches for my coworkers for a morning treat, but I stayed at work so late yesterday and was exhausted when I got home last night and decided not to stay up late baking lol. I'll grab some from the bakery down the street and try to make everyone a latte or something at work instead.

Because of the absolute disaster that has been this years bee pick up season, everything has been pushed back at least two weeks. Usually BuzzFest, which is the same weekend every year, signals the end of the crazy bee season, but we still have orders going into June. I was kind of looking forward to the break, but it seems we're not quite there yet.

The kids have some family events planned for the beginning of June, so we're getting them a week or so later this year for summer break than usual. We want them to have fun with their free time, so we're cool with it... Plus honestly, I'm hoping it will show good faith for December when I have to ask to keep them longer for an event with my side of the family 😁 my grandma is slowly deteriorating from rheumatoid arthritis and parkinson's, and my mom wants all the generations to be able to spend another holiday with her while we can. I want the kids to be able to participate in my family too. And, it'll let me get through the late bee season with relative ease, I suppose. I'm not gonna lie, I take on a lot of the caretaking responsibility when the kids are around usually, but now my husband has to step up for once lol bc I'm busting my ass full time and won't have the mental or physical energy left over most days to do all I normally do for everyone. He's already suffering the experience of doing regular weekly chores alone and taking care of the dogs all day lolol.

We're also anxiously and concernedly waiting for word on the debt ceiling crisis. They've extended the decision date to June 5, but we won't know if my husband will stop receiving paychecks soon or not, and it's crushing everything with stress pressure. He makes more than me in his military retirement and we depend on his income for survival; I can't support us alone. If they cut military support and punish the average voter for no goddamn reason, per usual, we'll suffer significantly. He's even warned his ex wife that if things go south, we may not be able to afford having the kids visit for summer. We won't be able to feed them. We've already unsubscribed from any extra services like entertainment and delivery and such which we deemed not absolutely necessary, just in preparation. We've re-budgeted and cut out any possible extra spending and reduced allowances for gas and food. I'm hoping it's all a stupid pissing contest like it was about a decade ago, and things will somehow turn out okay. Hope beyond hope.

Time to go work for those pennies baby lol

[spartanblacksmith]

As a kid in from the 90's, this is true, in a disturbingly accurate sense. @just-your-average-tangerine almost described my own childhood. The only difference being I didn't have a therapist because they're too expensive and my family was just in the middle ground between poor and middle class.

To be fair, I'm not a party animal. Never have. I didn't like the noise at wild parties, what some call music, that was loud enough to shake your teeth and pound your head.

I much prefer to enjoy gatherings, where we just hangout. We play on the console the party games like Smash Bros, Halo, Mario Cart, Etc. in the living room TV. Perhaps a game of poker for the players not currently holding a controller to keep them entertained.

I've never smoked cigarettes, and seeing everyone in my extended family above 30 hopelessly addicted to them, I never wanted to. Nor was I ever interested in Alcohol, seeing it's killed 2 great aunts, an uncle, and 2 cousins. And would later claim my father. And I did listen when D.A.R.E. explained the effects of drugs. I would rather have the cognition to daydream rather than be out of it for a while.

Twas the life of a sober person for me, and it's not like I regret it.

And there's also the point of kids losing their mobility outside the house. I wasn't allowed past the immediate neighbors house, and they were good friends with my parents. My sister's kids nowadays aren't even allowed past the front lawn, under supervision.

The world has gotten terrifying. Kidnappers will just scoop up your small child and you'll never see them again if you're not vigilant. Too many have experienced this dreadful situation.

Then when the kids get older, there's nothing for them to do outside the house, unless they got money. And it's largely our previous generation to blame for that when they were having fun. Because as they got older, the stuff they got into was outlawed or banned. And then they changed how it worked, thinking they're "improving" efficiency for the younger kids.

The Mall? If there even is a mall, "No loitering!" unless you're buying something, and at these prices? Forget it.

The local McDonald's? Buy your food and go, we got more customers.

The park? Everything is rusty and poorly taken care of.

The bowling alley? Where? So many are gone.

The skate rink? You mean the one 3 towns over?

The bar and their pool table? Not for anyone under 21. And those prices? Not even as an adult would most people buy drinks there.

The ball park? Are you an official team who can cover the entry fee?

The arcade? Unless you're okay going into Chuck e Cheese, the only arcade you'll find is that hole in the wall kind in the side of a supermarket.

And when you're an adult, it's hopeless. So many have been given rides into college, and the retirement age keeps going up, that the job market for degree carriers is not just filled, it's saturated. Colleges being completely fine with giving you a degree they know a very large percent of their graduates can't/won't be able to use is terrible and greedy, but we're here.

Then there's the economy. Years of stalling wage increases has had a tangible effect on most people. No large disposable income? Got to go to work more. Got to work more? Less time with friends. And you have to sleep longer to ensure you stay healthy because Good Lord, you're not affording health care these days.

And finally, social media. It's not the big boogeyman some people make it, but it has given its users a big label maker and convincing people you have to stay within your cliches or be punished.

Maybe this is the wrong platform to pose this question given the average tumblr user but

Is it just me or did our generation (those of is who are currently 20-30 ish) just not get the opportunity to be young in the 'standard' sense?

Like, everyone I talk to who's over 40 has all their wild stories about their teens and 20s, being young and dumb, and then I talk to my friends and coworkers and classmates, and we just... dont.

[corrodedseraphine]

jazz | one shot

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: Eddie always felt that jazz was not his cup of tea, so when Steve offered to devote one evening a week just to it, he wasn't convinced. Until he met you. After all, jazz may not turn out to be so bad, right? angst/fluff, strangers to lovers

TW: use of drugs

the one shot is also avaliable on ao3

11 738 words

taglist: @i-me-mine and here I would love to thank you because you are the first person ever that have asked to be tagged under my work, it is crazy for me, and I really hope you won't be dissapointed 🙈

I really hope it is not too long or boring or cringe or too bad, in my head it looked much better, oh god

eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

When the small town of Hawkins was almost all pulled underground in 1986, many people lost their entire livelihood and left the cursed place in terror and desperation. Thus, the population of Hawkins was reduced by more than half. It took years to try to rebuild it however nothing could return to normal. This disaster, nevertheless, brought something good. People all over the world wanted to see the town absorbed by the earth, so over time tourism became the main income. The place where the trailer park used to be was now the biggest attraction, with people lining up to see the most damaged part of the city, around which many legends appeared. The official version was an earthquake, but many people said it was hell's gate and the damage that had been done was caused by Satan himself. In a way, these beliefs were true, but not everyone needed to know that.

After defeating Vecna, Joyce and her children returned to Hawkins and moved in with Hopper. The rest of the team didn't leave either. The traumatic experience, instead of propelling them to escape, the bond with this town prevented them from doing so. When Eddie miraculously survived an attack by demobats and was carried out of there in an unconscious state by Steve and Dustin he spent several weeks in the hospital. Fortunately, with Hopper's help, they were able to guarantee that all medical expenses would be covered by the government so as not to burden Wayne with it. In addition, they both received very generous compensation. 

When it turned out that the owner of the Hideout, the bar where Corroded Coffin played every Thursday, was leaving town Eddie and Steve decided to buy the place back and invest in its development. In addition, above the bar was the apartment in which the Munsons took up residence. It was much larger than the trailer. A large living room connected to the kitchen, a bathroom and two separate rooms.

The first few years were very tough, but the more tourists showed up in Hawkins, the more the Hideout made a profit. Eventually the income was large enough that they could afford to renovate the place. Every night since then, many passersby and locals have treated the Hideout as one of the main social spots in and around Hawkins. Of course, Corroded Coffin didn't stop giving their performances, but in addition to them there were many different artists.

"No way!" shouted Eddie, sitting down on a stool at the bar. "I'm not going to let this place turn into a retirement home!"

"It's only one evening a week! Why do you have to be so dramatic?"

"Besides, there are young people in the world who like jazz you wuss," interjected Robin standing behind the bar. Despite being a manager, she claimed that standing behind the bar was one of her favorite activities. This was especially true when her newly hired bartender, Laura, was with her on shift.

"Fine! But only once a week. We can't afford to go more days without doing anything." he rolled his eyes.

"You'll be surprised how there will be even more people than at your concerts." laughed Steve pleased with his friend's agreement.

"A blow below the belt Harrington! A blow below the belt!"

To Munson's surprise, the Jazz evenings proved to be a success. Every week many people of all ages gathered there. He himself dreaded avoiding his workplace on this day, but today, exceptionally, due to the flurry of paperwork, he and Steve were stuck in the office, which was located in the back of the bar.

"I'm fed up, this paperwork is killing me." said Steve laying his head on the desk. "How about a little break?"

"It's totally like you're reading my mind, big boy." replied Eddie and quickly got up. When they came out, a large crowd of people appeared to their eyes. Almost all the seats were occupied. People were immersed in conversation sipping drinks and enjoying the pleasant sounds of trumpets, piano and other instruments. Scanning the room, his gaze settled on you. You were sitting at a two-person table bent over some papers and a red pen in your hand. He must have been looking at you for too long and it didn't escape Robin's attention.

"I told you that young people can like jazz too." she said patting him on the shoulder.

"Huh?" he replied exasperatedly.

"It's y/n. She moved to Hawkins a few months ago to teach at the high school. Ever since we started holding jazz nights she's been here every week in the same place loaded with tests. She says that with this music she concentrates best and grading doesn't get so tiring at all."

"Do you know her shoe size, too?" he asked sarcastically impressed by how much information Robin knows about you.

"Not yet." She winked at him. "Unlike you, instead of just staring at her I also started talking. I would advise you to do the same, I have a strange feeling that you would like each other."

"I can already see it, a teacher and a guy who repeated the last grade twice and was allergic to school?"

"Sounds pretty romantic to me." interjected Steve. "It would be a nice change in your life if you tried something more than being limited to quickies with random tourists in the back of a bar."

"Just shut up." replied an annoyed Eddie and walked away from them to make himself a drink. He didn't want to admit it, but he knew they were right. Many times, after "quickies" as Steve called it, he tried to ask someone out but no one was ever interested. No one ever wanted to get to know him better. He knew he was just a little adventure they would later tell their friends about when they got home. He found you attractive. That was a fact. Sipping a whiskey and Coke, he watched as you wrote something on a piece of paper in concentration and occasionally your focus shifted to the band playing on stage. In those moments, a gentle smile appeared on your face.

"Here." Robin said, approaching him with a colorful drink in her hand. Seeing his surprised face, she continued. "This is her favorite drink, go carry it and get a few words out." There was a moment of hesitation. He didn't know if he should listen to them. On the other hand, he had nothing to lose. He took the drink from Robin's hands and slowly moved toward you. When you noticed someone approaching you, you raised your eyes. You thought it was Steve or Robin. Since you started coming here you could tell that you had become so friendly with them that they always sat down to talk to you for a while. This time you didn't recognize the person walking towards you. It was a man dressed in black ripped jeans and a black T-shirt. He had long curly hair chaotically pinned up in a low bun. A few curls fell over his face. He was looking straight at you smiling slightly, by which you could see the slight dimples in his cheeks. In his hand he was holding one of your favorite drinks, which you had not ordered. At first you thought it was for someone else however when your eyes met you reciprocated the smile. The stranger was already opening his mouth to say something when he suddenly slipped on a napkin and in the next few seconds landed on the floor, and the drink spilled on the table and the sheets of paper that lay on it.

"Oh my god are you okay?" got up quickly from the chair to help him up.

"Shit!" he replied and looked panickedly at the soaked tests. 

Before you had time to respond anything Steve and Robin were next to you with a huge roll of paper towel. In confusion, you started wiping everything down, and an embarrassed Eddie took advantage of the moment when your attention wasn't on him and ran off to the office. When you finished cleaning you looked around for him, but couldn't spot him anywhere.

"I'll take them into the office and put them on the radiator maybe they'll dry out a bit." Steve said.

"Thank you." you said handing him the soaked papers. "And uh- Steve?"

"Yes?"

"This is your new employee?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I've never seen him here, but if he is, don't be mad at him, okay? It could happen to anyone. I'm sure once these tests dry I can continue checking." Harrington just sent you a smile and moved toward the back room.

"Not a bad first impression, dude!" he laughed when he noticed Eddie who was sitting in an armchair and staring aimlessly out the window.

"Can you stop talking and get to work?" retorted a frustrated Eddie.

"Yes, sir!" he saluted. "But I still have to tell you that you have a chance. I guess you caught her eye since she wasn't even angry that you flooded her students' work."

"Work!" shouted Munson, trying with all his might to focus on the documents they had to fill out and forget the earlier situation, the memories of which had already haunted him until he fell asleep and caused a wave of embarrassment to wash over his entire body. 

Since then, Eddie has avoided Thursdays even more than usual. As bad as it was, even if he wasn't there he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that you were just sitting there probably bent over the next batch of tests. Steve and Robin tried many times to persuade him to come and try again but the vision of being humiliated once more was stronger and made him always refuse.

Friday nights were reserved for Corroded Coffin performances. The whole band, as always, gave an amazing show, but halfway through when Eddie was carelessly running around the small stage with his guitar he spotted you at the end of the room. You were sitting alone at the same table as always, but this time you looked different. Dressed this time in an airy dress, with your hair down and makeup on your face, you attracted his attention even more, so he didn't let you out of his sight for the rest of the performance. When your gazes crossed you sent him a shy smile and he looked away panicked. What happened to the confidence that always radiated from him when he performed? It evaporated.

When they finished and another band took the stage after them, he and the guys moved toward the bar. Robin was already waiting with ready, filled glasses.

"Another good performance, you guys deserved an extra ice cube as a reward." she said, causing Laura to laugh. Eddie just shook his head and gave a thumbs up as he saw his friend's face light up seeing her co-worker's reaction. Holding his glass, he walked behind the bar again returned his gaze to you. Each time the bar door closed your hopeful sight hung on them and then hope turned to disappointment. You sipped your favorite drink nervously looking around the room and checking your watch from time to time.

"The picture goes like this." Robin said, snapping him out of his reverie. "She's supposed to have a date here, but as you can see the idiot didn't deign to show up."

"How do you know?" how could anyone double-cross you? Knowing the reason for your disappointed face, he felt a slight sting of sadness.

"Because she told me? I asked her when she came to get a second drink."

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at her, or are you finally going to join her?" asked Gareth. "Unless you don't want to, in which case I'll be more than happy to do it and take the place of whoever she was supposed to be here with."

"Don't!" the metalhead snapped, seeing Gareth get up from the bar stool. Embarrassed by his reaction, he sighed rolling his eyes.

"Dude, I've never seen you like this," laughed Jeff. "What happened to Eddie, who was throwing his charm like some crazy spell?"

"I don't know!" he whined.

"This is your chance to at least make a good second impression. I'll prepare a drink for you, and you carry it to her this time without spilling it." Robin decided.

As she said so it happened. This time with extreme care Munson managed to reach his destination and put the drink in front of you without any accidents. All the time he felt the eyes of his friends on him, but the closer he got to you the more he managed to ignore it.

"May I join you?" he asked.

"Sure." You replied sending a slight smile. "You were great." you commented.

"Oh, thank you. We play every week, if you'd like to see us again sometime." He winked at you, smiling broadly while sliding his drink in your direction. "On the house."

"Steve won't mind?"

"Why would he?"

"I didn't know musicians could give away free drinks."

"Yeah, right. I think we didn't get a chance to get to know each other the right way." he laughed scratching the back of his neck with his hand. "I'm Eddie. Eddie Munson. And Steve and I are the owners of this place."

"Oh." You replied slightly shocked. "Now I feel quite strange, after our last meeting I thought you were the bartender and I asked Steve not to be angry with that situation."

"For which I am very sorry. I hope you didn't get in trouble because of it?"

"No, fortunately after drying off I was still able to read and finish checking."

"I'm glad. And it's very nice what you said to Harrington, I appreciate it."

"I'm y/n." you said suddenly extending your hand toward him. "Y/n y/l/n. I moved here recently to work at Hawkins High."

"Well, I'd love to get to know you better, if you don't mind."

"I mean...I've already been stood up anyway, so I'd be happy to spend time with someone who actually feels like it."

In this way, for the next few hours you sat getting to know each other better. At first everything was quite strange and awkward, until finally, unbeknownst to you, you found common ground. Eddie told you his story related to The Hideout, and also mentioned his other hobby, which turned out to be a fantasy board game. You listened with pleasure as he recalled the days when he ran Hellfire in high school. Meanwhile, clearly interested, he also asked questions about you and your life, which you happily answered. The hands of the clock were moving at an incredibly fast tempo when it came time to close the bar. You thanked Eddie for saving the evening and you both parted, feeling a flock of butterflies rise in your bellies at the thought of each other.

That's how you became a regular at Corroded Coffin performances in addition to the Thursday jazz evenings (at which Eddie suddenly started appearing). Munson introduced you to his bandmates with whom you also caught on well. Eventually Hawskins was no longer a stranger to you. At first you felt very lonely in it, but now you looked forward to your weekly trips to the bar.

You were sitting bent over a test when out of the corner of your eye you noticed someone sitting down to you. Your first thought was none other than Eddie, who always sat down with you when you came in and you spent hours talking together. However, when you raised your head and noticed that it wasn't him the smile from your face quickly disappeared and was replaced by uncertainty.

"Can I help you somehow?" you asked the man.

"I figured a beautiful woman like you couldn't spend an evening alone, so I hope it won't be a problem for me to join you." he replied. You took a slightly better look at him. He looked a few years older than you, dressed in a black shirt and jeans. A watch that you would have had to work for over a year was shining on his wrist. He definitely made no secret of his wealth. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

"Oh, no need." you said.

"I insist."

"Uhm... apple juice will do, thank you." you replied confused, and your new companion moved toward the bar. As Laura served him, Robin sent you a questioning look. You just shrugged your shoulders and shifted your gaze back to the test.

You didn't have time to check too much because after a while you had company again. The man's name was Dave and he was the owner of a fairly well-known company in a town near Hawkins. He had no problem telling you almost everything about himself over the next several minutes. You just nodded politely while sipping your juice. The funniest thing in all this was that he didn't even ask you what your name was.

At the same time, Eddie's attention did not escape the fact that someone had taken his place at your table. All day he had been gathering the courage to finally ask you out. The better you knew each other, the more he convinced himself that it was worth a try. He loved your conversations, loved hearing about how your day was going, how you spoke with amusement about your students' next crazy ideas. Your presence definitely brought a lot of light into his life, so now seeing someone else sitting across from you, he felt a pretty strong sting of jealousy. Did you date someone else here? Did he miss his chance? Resigned, he hid in the office, to which he left the door slightly ajar.

"What's this guy sitting with y/n?" asked Steve when he saw his friend.

"I have no idea." he replied, pretending to be unimpressed.

"I don't like him." Steve commented without taking his eyes off you.

The time in Dave's company passed... weirdly. His mouth wouldn't close and his self-deprecation and hearing about his company's utilities didn't interest you at all. You started to feel dizzy from the overload of unnecessary information. Wait a minute. You were really dizzy. You moved your gaze quickly to one of the sheets of paper, on which the letters suddenly began to move. What's wrong with you? You haven't drunk anything today, except for the juice you got from a stranger. Oh no.

"Are you all right? Why don't we go outside? Can I drive you home?" he began to propose. No way. The remnants of your consciousness screamed for you to run as far away as possible. With a shaky step, you quickly walked toward Robin. At the bar, you could barely stay on your feet.

"Jesus, y/n what happened?" she asked worriedly.

"I feel very strange... Everything around me is... blurry." suddenly speaking seemed much more challenging than usual.

"Are you okay dariling?" the voice of Dave reached you faster than his hand which after a moment landed on your back. "Can you give her a bottle of water for the road? We're about to leave." You were stunned.

"She's not going anywhere with you." Said Robin in a raised voice.

"Robin...very bad...I-I feel...bad." You mumbled out. As soon as Dave associated the facts that you knew this barmaid immediately began to retreat.

"Did you drink anything besides juice?" you nodded your head negatively.

Suddenly all the dots in Robin's head were connected. "You son of a bitch!" she shouted. "What did you give to her?!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Bathroom." you whispered and hearing this, Laura immediately jumped out from behind the bar and helped you with getting there.

"What's going on here?" suddenly Steve's voice reached everyone.

"Your bartender put drugs into my friend's juice!"

"Dude are you crazy?!"

"The police will take care of it. Both of you to the office, now!" Steve knew that pretending to believe the man was the only option to keep him here until Hopper's arrival. "Eddie go stand behind the bar, when Hopper comes send him here," he said.

"What's wrong?" asked Eddie, seeing Robin sending a murderous look to the guy who was sitting at the table with you just a moment ago. Hearing his question she was already opening her mouth to answer, but Steve interrupted her right away.

"I'll tell you later, for now someone has to go stand behind the bar." Harrington was aware that your friendship with Eddie had grown significantly. He also knew that you meant much more than just a friend to him and he really didn't want to risk an additional ambulance call. Munson wordlessly left the room and did what Steve instructed. All the time, he was wondering what had happened. Many different scenarios were running through his head when suddenly Laura came running to him.

"Where's Steve?" she asked panicked.

"In the office with Robin and some dude. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Uh...This guy added something to y/n's juice and accused Robin of it. I took y/n to the bathroom, she probably returned everything she had in the system, but she's still too weak to move. She can't lie on the bathroom floor all evening." He added something to the y/n juice. These words rolled around in his head causing his rage to grow with each passing second. He was halfway to the office when he felt the barmaid grab his wrist. "She needs your help Eddie."

"Stay here." He replied and with a quick step moved toward the women's bathroom. You were leaning against the wall in a half-lying position. Your legs and arms suddenly became ten times heavier. Your eyes were bloodshot and tears were rolling down your cheeks. You didn't even have the strength to wipe them away. Everything seemed distant to you, as if behind a fog.

"Jesus Christ, what did he do to you y/n" suddenly a familiar tumbling curls appeared in front of your eyes. "I'll kill him, I'll kill the bastard" he muttered and quickly grabbed the toilet paper, ripped off a piece and wiped your face with it. Your condition made his heart ache. At the very thought of how Dave wanted to take advantage of your vulnerability he felt like going back to the office and really killing him.

"Eddie?" you whispered

"Yes, sweetheart, it's me," he said. When he looked into your unconscious eyes he immediately softened. Steve had called Hopper so he would take care of appointing justice. The priority was you and taking care of you.

"W-what's goin' on?" your voice was so weak it was barely audible.

"Some idiot put something in your juice, sweetheart."

"Oh." you heard his words but you were so stunned that they didn't reach you. Eddie was aware of that. He was also aware that when you get up in the morning and the events of the previous evening hit you in their entirety, in addition to shock, you may be hit by a whole range of negative emotions. Later you will be faced with giving a statement to the police, which will certainly not improve the situation.

"I'll take care of you, okay? Are you okay with it?" he asked grabbing your hand. You just nodded. "Are you able to get up?"

"I don't...know." The very act of speaking seemed to be awfully difficult for you. "I'm very h-heavy."

"I will help you, okay?"

"'kay" hearing the permission he put his arms around you tightly, resting all your weight on him, helped you up. He knew that you wouldn't get very far in this state, so he decided to take you to his apartment. When you came out of the bathroom a worried Laura informed you that Hopper had already arrived, and in the meantime she gathered all your things from the table and carried them to her locker. Eddie said he was taking you to his place and told her to tell the others.

To get to the apartment you had to go out the back exit. The change in the air was a shock to you compared to the warmth that prevailed inside. The worst was ahead of you. To reach your destination you still had to climb the stairs, which in your case was a huge challenge. After a few stumbles, you found yourself in a small hallway that led to a large living room. At the mere sight of the couch, your eyes began to close on their own. Eddie, seeing you fly off, quickly helped you pull off your shoes and led you deeper into the apartment. To your surprise you passed the couch you wanted and after a while you were in a small room, most of which was occupied by a huge bed. You were relieved to sit on it, but you felt the soft mattress attracting your whole body like a magnet.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" he asked, sitting down next to you.

"No." You muttered into the bedclothes.

"You know I don't want to hurt you right?" this question made you look at him with all the remaining power you had.

"I trust you, Eddie." you replied. The words meant much more to him than he expected. They went straight to his heart, crumbling the thick stone wall he had been building around him for years. He reached out his hand toward you and, after a moment's hesitation, brushed a few strands of hair away from your face, then stroked your cheek gently. "But I shouldn't," you laughed with sudden residual strength.

"What? Why?" he asked surprised. The second part of your statement slightly scared him.

"Robin told me that you don't like jazz." Feeling relieved, he only laughed. You were wrong. Eddie had enjoyed jazz a lot for some time. Eddie might even love jazz, but this was not the moment for such a conversation.

"Let me make you some tea okay? Fortunately, you got rid of the bad stuff out of your system fairly quickly, so you should be fine, but if anything call out. I'll be right back."

I trust you Eddie. Your words rolled around in his head making him smile to himself. The warmth that spread through his body was indescribable. He thought he would never feel like this again, but you gave him hope that things would be different.

When he returned to the room with a mug of warm tea in his hands you were already asleep. Not wanting to wake you, he gently covered you with a blanket that lay at the other end of the bed and turned off the light. He left the door open, just in case. He himself took a seat on the couch in the living room analyzing everything connected with you and your relationship with him.

That morning when Wayne came home from work he found his nephew sleeping on the couch. Walking to his room, he noticed that the door to Eddie's room was unusually open. Curiosity won, so he looked inside and saw an unfamiliar girl sleeping on the edge. This was strange. Wayne was used to Eddie bringing girls here from time to time. Sometimes he would pass them at the door when he came home from work, sometimes a little later they would escape from the apartment in a hurry. Wayne did not approve of such behavior but had no intention of interfering. There was nothing left for him to do but pray in his soul that fate would eventually send someone who would be happy to stay for breakfast and, in time, even for dinner.

When the man entered the room there was a piece of paper lying on his bed.

Hi Wayne,

You've probably already noticed that we have a visitor. This evening was full of sensations. Remember how I told you about the girl who likes jazz? The one I recently befriended, and you laughed that you never would have thought that your nephew who is allergic to everything school-related would have a crush on a teacher? That's y/n. Some asshole put something in her drink. As far as I know there is no one in Hawkins who could help her, so I took it upon myself. I couldn't leave her there alone, I hope you understand. I don't know how much she will remember when she gets up in the morning, she will definitely be in shock so act calmly, okay? To be clear, nothing happened between us, I know what you're thinking, but she's not like the rest. You can also expect a visit from Hopper, I told him he would find her at our place.

It was one of the few moments in Wayne's life in which he knew that despite the problems his boy attracted to him like a magnet, he had raised him well. He was proud of him.

The morning fell on you like a ton of rubble. The slightest sound tore your head apart causing terrible pain. The rest of your body was also not in the best condition to that you woke up very sweaty. When you opened your eyes you were horrified to see that the room you were in was not yours at all. When you raised yourself slightly in its corner you noticed three guitars lined up in a row. One of them seemed familiar to you. You started looking around further on the wall there were many posters of various bands, some of which you associated. Shifting your gaze to yourself, you were slightly relieved that you were wearing yesterday's clothes. At that moment a wave of memories also came over you, some more clear others terribly fuzzy. Dave. Dave who added something to your juice. Is Robin in trouble now because of you? Laura dragging you behind her to the bathroom. The icy white tiles and which you leaned against after vomiting. Eddie. Eddie came to help you. He said something to you, but you couldn't remember what. Cold air and then a lot of stairs. And darkness. You were in Eddie's apartment. It was his bedroom. You slept in his bed. But where is Eddie? You had to go to the bathroom. You sluggishly raised yourself from the bed and with arms spread so as to better catch your balance you left the room and walked to the living room where a metalhead was sitting on the couch and writing something in a thick notebook. Hearing footsteps he turned towards you and greeted with a smile.

"Mornin', how are you feeling?" he asked.

"I-I don't know." you answered honestly. You were now an emotional explosive mix. "Can I use the bathroom?" you asked quietly.

"Of course! I've prepared a towel for you there and some clothes to change into if you'd like."

"Thank you Eddie."

"You're welcome, the bathroom is over there." he said pointing to the door.

When you disappeared behind the bathroom door Eddie got up and started preparing breakfast. He stated that he would prepare scrambled eggs, but as an emergency, if you didn't like it he also prepared sandwiches. He didn't know whether you preferred coffee or tea, so with that he preferred to wait until you came out of the bathroom. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice when his uncle joined him in the kitchen.

"Hey, kid." he said quietly.

"Hey, Wayne, sorry-" he began.

"Boy, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm proud of you." replied the man putting his hand on his nephew's shoulder.

"Wayne..." Eddie didn't have time to say when they heard the bathroom door opening. You were overwhelmed. The sense of shame didn't leave you either. "y/n? Are you all right? Is something wrong?" he asked seeing your gaze quickly jump from him to Wayne. Silence. Silence was the only answer he got, so he repeated your name a few more times.

"I'm so sorry Eddie." you howled. "I feel so ashamed, I shouldn't be here, I'm sorry." your voice was breaking. You felt awful in every possible way. Used, naive, humiliated, scared, embarrassed. You couldn't contain your emotions, you still felt too weak for all this.

"What? what are you apologizing for?" he said slowly extending his hand toward you asking for silent permission to touch you. You, feeling yourself crumbling, came closer to him and hugged him tightly wanting his arms to stop the remains of you and prevent them from falling apart. After a moment's hesitation, you felt him reciprocate the hug. The warmth of his body made you feel safe, which ironically made you start crying. Still holding you in his arms, he began to gently rock you, whispering from time to time that you had nothing to apologize for and that everything was fine. The closeness you felt was very comforting, so when you calmed down and opened your eyes you saw the other man looking at you with a slight smile. Seeing the shock on your face he immediately introduced himself.

"I'm Wayne" he said. "Eddie's uncle."

"G-good morning Mr. Munson." you said embarrassed, pulling away from his nephew. "I'm so sorry about all this, I'll just get my stuff and get out of here." you could feel the panic rising.

"Won't you stay for breakfast? We're having scrambled eggs today."

"Oh, I-" You didn't know what to say.

"It's okay y/n." interjected Eddie. He wanted to assure you that you were welcome here. "If you want I can drive you home, but if you just feel like staying there's nothing stopping you. Yesterday I told them to tell Hopper that you will be here when it's time to write up the statements, I thought you didn't want to be alone with all this." He was right, you didn't want to. Sitting alone in empty four walls would drive you crazy.

"I... really don't want to be a trouble, you've done enough for me already Eddie, I don't want to overuse your kindness."

"Everything is fine. I promise, okay?"

"Okay."

Convinced by his sincerity, you decided to stay until the police arrived. The three of you sat down at the table and began to eat breakfast. The radio was playing quietly in the background and you listened to the men's conversation, trying not to think about the previous night. When you finished you wanted to help clean up that the table, but they both categorically forbade you to go near the dishes. Feeling your tiredness catch up with you, you retreated back to Eddie's room. You lay down against the wall covering yourself with a blanket. The material was very fluffy and pleasant, soothing.

"May I come in?"

"This is your room." you replied. Eddie sat down next to you.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked with concern.

"I don't know. I feel awful." You could feel tears coming to your eyes. "I have no idea how I could have been so careless."

"Hey, don't blame yourself for that. Luckily, you noticed pretty quickly that something was wrong and went to Robin with it. You acted very well." he said grabbing your hand.

"You saved me." you said quietly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled. You saved me. Hearing these words, his heart beat faster and heat spread throughout his body. Your words very often had that effect on him. He looked at your face. Your gaze focused on your hands, which you were still holding. Despite your apparent sadness and fatigue you still looked beautiful. The most beautiful. He thought. He wanted to tell you this, but this was definitely not the time or season for such confessions. He noticed how you struggled not to close your eyes and fall asleep.

"Do you want to take a nap before Hopper comes?" he asked quietly.

"I think it would be good for me." you admitted.

"Would you mind if I stayed?" he asked uncertainly.

"Of course not." After all, it was his bed. Besides, in truth, you didn't mind. You felt safe.

As Wayne walked to his room through the ajar door, he could see you lying on the two ends of the bed, with your hands in the middle between you, still joined. The sight made him feel happy and hopeful. He wanted nothing more for Eddie than to finally find someone who would give him the love he deserved. And he deserved the truest and most beautiful one. Like any parent, he wanted the best for his son.

After two hours, you were awakened by the doorbell. The conversation with Hopper did not last long, Eddie sat next to you the whole time, supporting in silence. It turned out that you were not Dave's first victim. Fortunately, the first one who managed to be protected, from his intentions. Once you had made your statement, you and Eddie went down to the bar to get your belongings, which were left there, and then he drove you home, where, already alone, you had to deal with memories and thoughts that would haunt you for a long time.

Two weeks have passed since that day. You still couldn't come to terms with the situation and the feeling of shame you felt every time you thought about it. You wanted to sink into the ground, and dissapear, which is why you were unwilling to leave the house. Aside from work and a quick shopping, you spent your entire days on the living room couch. Your absence in the Hideout was felt by everyone. Your regular seat was empty, and every Thursday Eddie sat at that table hoping you would show up at the door any minute. He didn't want to impose, he wanted to give you the space and time you may have needed, but he couldn't stop thinking about you and missing you. 

No matter how hard you tried to focus on something else, the smiling, handsome face surrounded by battered curls always returned to your thoughts like a boomerang, making your heart beat faster.

For the third Thursday in a row, Eddie was sitting alone at your table sending sad glances toward the door when someone joined him. Wayne sat down across from him, and Steve and Robin appeared on either side of him, pushing back chairs.

"Shouldn't you be at work right now?" asked the younger Munson.

"I have two days off, so I thought I'd go crazy and pop in for some good beer." the man smiled.

"And I see you've found yourself some good company..." he sighed. "Buckley, shouldn't you be standing behind the bar right now? And you Harrington flirting with some lady in charge of liquor delivery, so that we can get a discount based on your beautiful eyes and charming personality?"

"That can wait, Eddie. We need to talk." Steve replied while rolling his eyes.

"About what?"

"We're sick of you wandering around the bar all day with the face of a sad puppy, dingus," said Robin.

"Apparently I haven't had reason to be happy."

"Son, if you miss her, just go and tell her so." interjected Wayne.

"How can you be sure it's about that?"

"For three Thursdays you've been sitting at the table where y/n sat all the time. What's more, every time the door opens you look at it as if Ozzy Osbourne is about to appear there." Robin concluded.

"That would be pretty metal." Eddie shrugged his shoulders. He wanted to pretend they weren't right, wanted to fool himself that he didn't care about you that much at all and your disappearance didn't affect him. But it had. He hated the fact that they were right once again.

"Go to her, invite this girl to a good dinner, buy her flowers, do something that will make her smile." continued the old man.

"Uncle Wayne is right." Steve backed him up. After several months of sitting together and keeping watch at Eddie's hospital bed, the entire group adopted Wayne as their uncle. Dustin was the first to do so, when he came to Eddie one day and greeted him with the words "hi Uncle Wayne." From then on, everyone started addressing him that way. At first it was a bit of a shock to him, but the more time he spent with the kids and the rest of the group he got used to it and had to admit he loved it.

"I can't just go and ask her out!"

"Why not?"

"Someone drugged her in my bar? Maybe she doesn't want to see me at all now because of it? I pretty much took her semi-conscious to MY apartment, maybe she thinks that I wanted to use her too? Maybe she doesn't want to know me anymore?"

"Son, we all know you would never hurt her, she knows that too." Wayne sighed.

"Okay, I have an idea!" exclaimed Robin and clapped her hands. "Since you don't want to ask her out on an official date, you'll do it by tricking her."

"What?"

"Steve do you remember the last time a jazz band came here and told us that they would like to play at the Hideout one Thursday?" a mischievous grin appeared on her face.

"Yes."

"So, we all know that y/n loves jazz, after all, it brought her here to us. I think Eddie would love to handle auditioning a new band, but since unfortunately the poor guy doesn't know much about this kind of music, he'd be happy to accept help from someone who has a knowledge of the subject."

"Shit, Robin, this is good," said Steve.

"I know." she smiled triumphantly. "You'll sense the situation during the audition, in the meantime arrange something warm to eat, a romantic dinner for two, after a private jazz concert? The girl will lose her head for you if she hasn't already!"

Eddie wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and took a deep breath. Stress was eating him alive however, after a few minutes of staring at the door of your house he got the courage to knock. Seeing the surprise on your face he felt like turning on his heel and running away, but your voice was quicker.

"Hi." you said quietly. The surprise quickly turned into a warm smile that made his knees soften.

"Hi." he replied. "I'm not disturbing?"

"No, come in." You said making a pass at the door for him. You were glad to see him, shyly you had to admit that you missed him a lot.

"If you are tired I can go." he said looking at you with a slight smile. In fact, his arrival woke you up from the little nap you had taken on the living room couch.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting visitors." you suddenly remembered that you were wearing old stretched out sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt.

"You look very nice," he said seeing your embarrassment. "I just wanted to see how you were feeling, it's been a long time since you were at our place, I was worried. We were all worried." He said looking around the apartment. It was one room smaller than his. On a table set up in the living room was a large box of tapes that immediately caught his attention, so he moved toward it. On the windowsill was a player from which soft trumpet and piano sounds flowed.

"I thought you didn't want to see me after all that..." you confessed.

"What? Why?" he asked shocked. On the contrary, he wanted nothing more than to see you.

"I caused you some trouble...Especially Robin, she got it the most. Later you had to give up your plans for the evening to take care of me, for which I thank you very much and I am truly grateful."

"Nothing that happened that evening was your fault, Robin was fine, except that if it hadn't been for Steve she would have scratched that asshole's eyes out. Hopper said poor Harrington couldn't hold her." You laughed lightly imagining it. "As for later...I wanted to take care of you, after all, that's what sa friend is for, right?" he said grabbing one of the tapes in the carton. He focused on it to avoid seeing your reaction. Turning the small box in his hand, he noticed the inscription "Your smile is brighter than the sun" on it. Curious, he began to look through more. Each of the tapes had some kind of inscription on it. "For worse days" ,"Take it easy, baby" , "I'll always be there for you"

"They belonged to my grandmother." You said seeing his interest and sat down on the couch, taking the box in your lap. Eddie sat down next to you, close enough that your shoulders were touching. The warmth of his body made you feel comfortable enough to rest your head against his shoulder. You couldn't resist. "She met my grandfather at a bar. She worked as a waitress, and he and his friends sometimes played small concerts there."

"I bet they were famous for jazz?" he chuckled.

"Yes. Grandpa's best friend played the saxophone and infected him with a love of jazz, and since Grandpa was playing the piano from a young age it was a matter of time until they started playing together, and later other friends joined them."

"So this music flows through your veins?" 

"You can say that." You replied giggling while digging through the tapes in the box. "Got it!" you exclaimed. "This is my favorite," you said holding up a box labeled "Always in my heart"

"Your grandfather must have been a huge romantic."

"Oh, yes, he definitely was. Once a week Grandma always got flowers from him. Sometimes he would buy them, and when we didn't have much money he would pluck one from someone's garden on the way home from work." you laughed. "But, hush, it's a secret."

"Your secrets are safe with me." You are, too. He almost slipped up.

"On Sundays when neither of them went to work they always played this tape and danced to it. I still remember that sight. One of the most beautiful memories I have."

"It sounds really beautiful," he said.

"When I was younger I always dreamed of such love, theirs seemed indestructible. Even after the worst argument they were somehow able to find a way to reconcile. My favorite song is the third on the cassette, it's called "Lost In Your Eyes" He always played it for Grandma when she had bad days. It always calmed her down."

"Did you manage to find it?"

"What?"

"That love" He didn't know why you were even being asked that question. Deep down, Eddie himself didn't know if he wanted to know the answer to that question. What if you answer that yes, that someone is waiting for you somewhere after all, or suddenly there is some secret fiancé you haven't had a chance to mention before? You quickly dispelled his worry.

"No, as you had a chance to see I don't have much luck with love, I'm a magnet for disasters." you said. "But that's not a conversation for the moment, because I think I'd burn with embarrassment."

"Okay, so maybe tell me more about your grandparents and jazz? Did you visit them often?"

"Oh, they raised me. My mother decided that motherhood was not her specialty so when I was two years old she ran away from home leaving me with my grandparents. And I don't know my father. It was always just the three of us. If I passed someone that my family on the street I wouldn't even know about it."

"Shit, when you said you didn't have anyone I thought it was just about Hawkins. I'm so sorry y/n."

"Don't be. It was very hard for me after they died, but I'm fine now. Moving here helped me. A change of environment, new people, a job I like. Although if I'm honest my favorite new thing is Hideout."

"I'm very pleased to hear that." he replied and winked at you.

"Especially on Thursdays, my grandfather would love jazz Thursdays, just like me." Why do you confide in him? You have no idea. Or maybe you do. Maybe it's because you feel wonderful in his company. That when he's close you feel safe and comfortable. Maybe it's because you're awfully thirsty for the closeness of another person, you're thirsty for the company of someone close in your life, and you terribly want Eddie to become your closest person. But won't that be crossing some boundaries? Does he want the same thing?

"I'm sure he always accompanies you during them. I hope he's not mad about some long-haired freak taking his place at your table." What he said melted your heart, touched every part of your body. After two weeks of isolation from the world and longing, you finally didn't feel so alone.

"Thank you Eddie." you said and you looked at him. His face very close to yours, beautiful big eyes gazed into yours and his lips formed in a small smile. You wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips. You were sure the feeling must be amazing.

"You don't have to thank me." he replied.

"I have. From the very beginning, I always waited for Thursday. Just to go to the Hideout. Even before we met, when I only knew Robin, Steve and Laura. It was a place where I never felt lonely, where I always felt welcome, and then you spilled a drink on my tests, and along with that spilled drink I found another person who makes living here easier and more enjoyable." emotions took over and words flew out of your mouth on their own, "I am so grateful for all of you and I miss it."

"We miss you too." He said and put his arm around you, you immediately accepted the gesture and after a while the embrace turned into a warm hug. "Your table looks so sad when it's empty. And my company is not enough for him." he said hugging you even tighter. You wanted time to stop and this moment to never end.

"I don't know if I can go back. I'm afraid to look Robin in the eye after that night."

"If we only let her, she would strangle that asshole with her bare hands for what he did to you. She misses you too, and she doesn't resent you, because nothing that happened that night is your fault, as I've said many times before."

"Do you really think so?"

"I know it." This time it was you who squeezed him tighter. Silence fell between the two of you. You were sitting on the couch snuggled into each other, jazz was quietly playing in the background, and Eddie was gently tracing shapes on your arm with his finger. You couldn't remember the last time you felt so good. The silence between you was not jarring. On the contrary, it gave a sense of peace. Eddie, on the other hand, could not control the thoughts running through his head at the speed of light. He had so many things to say to you, yet he didn't want to spoil the moment. He didn't want the bubble that had just surrounded you to burst and tear you apart.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" you asked after a long moment.

"With pleasure, what are we cooking?"

"I have no idea. You can think about it and I'll change in the meantime." you replied and reluctantly left the area of his arms.

You decided that you would make spaghetti. While you waited for the pasta to boil you told him more about your life with your grandparents. You even pulled out a photo album. Eddie absorbed the information about you like a sponge, he wanted to know everything you wanted to tell him. And you no longer defended yourself against the feelings that grew in you when your hands accidentally met, or the way your knees weakened when he sent you a smile. You were happy to let him into your life, hoping that he would want to stay in it.

You ate in front of the TV, laughing and commenting on some comedy that was on. The time flew by pleasantly, but also mercilessly. After dinner Eddie wordlessly helped you clean up and announced that he had to get to work.

"Thank you for coming." you said.

"It's me who thanks you for your hospitality and delicious dinner m'lady."

"Wait, I'll put some in the box for you for later! We made such a huge portion I won't be able to eat it myself." you said and quickly ran to the kitchen leaving Eddie alone. His gaze fell on the box with "Always in my heart" written on it. He knew what he wanted to do. The idea immediately popped into his head, so before he had a chance to think, he quickly walked over to the tape, took it and put it in his jacket pocket. Moments later, you returned to him with a box full of spaghetti.

"I put in a little more because I thought you'd want to share with your uncle." You said, smiling.

"Thank you." he said a bit nervously, fearing that you would immediately notice that the cassette was missing and it would turn out that he had taken it. "I have one more question for you, actually a request." he said quickly wanting you to focus your attention on him.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing next week on Saturday?"

"I have no plans," you said.

" A jazz band that would like to try out on Thursdays has applied, and I need to audition them."

"I thought you didn't like jazz."

"Damn Robin and her unbridled tongue." he laughed nervously. "Actually, I admit that I was not fond of it, but that has changed. In fact, I'm starting to like jazz, even a lot. That's why I'm very eager to do an audition, but I thought I could use the help of a jazz expert."

"You mean me?" you asked surprised.

"Of course I do."

"I'd be very happy to help you."

"Great! But I hope to see you on Thursday? You don't want your table to crumble from nostalgia, do you?" his playful smile became infectious.

"You can tell my table that I also miss it and I'm already looking forward to sitting by it again on Thursday." You replied smiling widely.

When you were left alone in the air you could still smell the faint scent of his perfume. Feeling his presence still, the smile did not leave your face, making your cheeks start to ache after a while. The gray clouds from your sky slowly departed into the distance and the sun appeared again with small steps. Again you waited impatiently for Thursday.

The week flew by quickly, the days passed by as you counted down to Thursday, and Thursday evening itself turned out to be wonderful. This time as soon as you crossed the doorstep of the Hideout you noticed that there was not only Eddie sitting at the table, but also Robin and Steve. You sat and caught up all evening laughing and enjoying each other's company. You felt happy.

For Eddie, the week was a bit busier. Stressed about Saturday and what he had planned for you, he kept wondering if he was doing the right thing. The cassette he took from your apartment was playing non-stop. Especially song number three. He spent every spare moment sitting at the piano and trying to learn it. On the night from Friday to Saturday, nerves and stress were eating him alive. He processed every possible scenario in his head as if tonight might turn out differently. Unable to sleep at five in the morning, he went downstairs to continue practicing. He could already play the song from memory, but the fear of getting something wrong was worse. Lost in a musical trance, he didn't hear when someone came inside.

"Eddie? What the hell are you doing here at this hour son?" A puzzled Wayne walked closer.

"Y'know, just practicing..."

"I didn't know you'd gone back to playing the piano."

"I never thought I'd go back to it either." He sighed, turning toward his uncle.

"You haven't played for a very long time, since..."

"Since mom died. I know." Eddie's love of music was inherited from his mother who taught him to play the piano. From a young age they spent hours at the instrument. Unfortunately, after her death it was too painful for him, but he was not able to live long without playing. That's why he started playing the guitar instead of the piano.

"What's going on boy?"

"Do you remember y/n?"

"Of course I do. What about her? Didn't your plan with the 'audition' succeed?"

"It succeeded and that's the problem. I wanted to do something special for her, something that made her feel special..."

"You wrote her a song?"

"Not really. The last time I visited her, she told me about her grandfather who played jazz. He recorded a lot of tapes and she showed me her favorite one, she even said which song from it she liked best, so I thought I'd learn and when we were left alone I'd play it for her, but the more I think about it the more it all scares me."

"Listen kid, feelings are not a simple thing. But you're one of the bravest people I know, so I'm sure you can handle it."

"What if I take it all wrong and she doesn't feel the same? What if she gets too upset that I stole her beloved souvenir of her grandparents and she doesn't want to listen to me?"

"You think too much. I understand that you have doubts, everyone has them, but you can't let them overshadow the purpose of it all. Even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, we can handle it. I'll be here for you."

"Thanks, Wayne." The younger Munson felt a weight fall from his heart to some extent and be replaced by a slight flame of hope. Conversations with his uncle always have that effect on him.

"Which doesn't change the fact that I'm ninety-nine percent sure she'll appreciate the gesture and won't even get too angry about the stolen tape. I have a good feeling about this girl, and you know your old man is rarely wrong." The man laughed and sat down in a chair. "Now play this song, I want to hear it."

Saturday evening came sooner than Eddie would have expected. Normally the Hideout would now be filled to the brim but this time there was emptiness and silence. Silence that seemed too loud for him. The black shirt he had buttoned up to his neck seemed to choke him, so he unbuttoned the first two buttons. The stress still made him incredibly hot. Suddenly he heard a door opening in which you appeared. At the sight of you, his heart sped up twice as fast, he became more and more aware that tonight would bring many changes, but he still wasn't sure if they were good ones.

"I know I'm a little early, but I couldn't wait." you said smiling broadly.

"That's okay, you look beautiful." he replied.

"You equally. It suits you in that shirt." It was a fact. It was the first time you'd seen him in a more elegant version, and you'd have to be lying if you said it hadn't crossed your mind what would happen if he undid a few more buttons. "It's creepy here without a crowd of people." you commented, wanting to dismiss those thoughts and change the subject. You sat down at a table opposite the stage. "This place is always full of life," you said.

"It reminds me of our early days when practically every day was like this." He responded by sitting down across from you. "Fortunately, it has grown more vibrant over time."

"I'm glad. I can't imagine life in Hawkins without this place."

Eddie wanted to reply that he couldn't imagine Hawkins without you now, but bit his tongue. Not yet. Before he had time to say anything the door opened again letting in a band of 5 musicians. They were in their early twenties. Excitedly, they introduced themselves to you and began to spread out on stage. Ironically, the most stressed person in the room was still Munson. When they started playing you focused all your attention on the performers, Eddie, however, was unable to. You listened to the performance with a smile on your lips, enjoying every note they played. The songs varied, some fast and cheerful, others a bit sadder or calm and soothing. You were absorbed in each of them, the emotions conveyed in the music flowing through you while painting different facial expressions that Eddie could read like a book. From time to time he forced himself to look at the stage, but then quickly returned his gaze to you. He was unable to think about anything else but how beautiful you looked. He had already seen you in various states and no matter what, you were always beautiful to him. He felt like stopping the show and shouting right in your face all the emotions that were blowing up inside him. But he had to endure for a few more moments. He had to be patient to tell you in the right way that every time you are close to him he feels a pain in his ribs which is caused by his heart, which wants to escape from its cage straight to you.

"Will you stay here with them for a while? I have to go upstairs quickly, I promise I'll be right back." he said nervously, when the audition finished.

"Is something wrong?" you asked worriedly.

"No, just wait here for me, okay?"

"Sure."

In the meantime, while the band was packing up the instruments he rushed upstairs where hot food prepared by Wayne, who had already left for work, was waiting for him. The portions were packed in boxes, and on one of them was a note saying "Good luck son!". The metalhead took a deep breath and, together with the food, headed back downstairs.

When he returned the musicians were ready to leave, he thanked them and said he would call on Monday with an answer and possible details.

"I thought a little snack wouldn't hurt us." he said turning toward you and began to take out the containers. "I'm sorry that I didn't prepare the porcelain crockery," he said.

"Whatever it is it doesn't need porcelain crockery to smell delicious." you replied and helped him lay everything out.

The meal passed you in a very pleasant atmosphere. You joked and talked about the audition. In your opinion, they should definitely give them a chance, and Eddie had no choice but to agree because, first of all, he didn't pay a bit of attention to the music they were playing because he was too busy melting at the sight of you, and secondly, he would do anything you wanted. There was also the third, he knew you wouldn't do him any harm. 

"So... do you feel like another little performance?" he asked when silence fell between you. Seeing your curious face he continued. "I'm saying in advance that I haven't done this in years." He walked toward the piano. When he sat down at it, nerves and stress took over completely causing momentary paralysis. He stuck his gaze into the keys and felt his palms flood with sweat and begin to shake. Come on, Eddie, you can do it. He repeated over and over in his mind, but it didn't help. He was so preoccupied with all this that he didn't notice when you got up from the table and slowly walked toward him, only to sit down next to him a moment later.

"I would love to hear you play Eddie." you said grabbing his hand. You didn't mind how wet with sweat it was. When you saw a smile creep onto his face along with that small gesture, you thought you'd like to hold it forever. When your touch eased his nerves and his fingers didn't shake so badly he began to play. At first his uncertainty made him barely touch the keys, but every time he glanced in your direction and saw your delight when you recognized the next moments of the song he became more and more confident. And with each successive note your heart grew.

"Lost In Your Eyes," you whispered when he finished.

"Yeah, so lost." he replied grabbing your hand. Now or never. He thought, Your faces were now very close together, Eddie rested his forehead against yours and took a deep breath. His eyes were big and dark. Beautiful. It was a beauty in which you could get lost and wander for the rest of your life. "I feel so lost right now that I don't even know how to say what has been going on in my head for a very long time," he said.

"Try it, I have a feeling that in our minds we think alike." you encouraged him.

"I've really liked jazz lately, y'know?" his voice was very quiet and low, but every word reached you with redoubled force.

"Well...I didn't think I'd ever become a metal fan, but recently I've found that metal can be very magnetic..."

"Do you think you could fall in love with metal? Because I think I've been falling in love with jazz for a while now."

You were just about to answer, when suddenly a loud bang came from the office. You both jumped up and looked away from each other, directing your gaze toward the source of the noise. Eddie slowly got up walking there, so you followed him. From a distance you heard muffled voices from behind the door, which became more and more clear the closer you got.

"I thought you were as stealthy as a nina, idiot. You weren't supposed to knock over a whole cabinet!" It was Robin.

"Oh I'm sorry I took away your role as a bull in a china shop!" Steve hissed back. "I don't hear anything, they are quiet, do you think they heard us?"

"Move your ass, dingus."

Eddie showed you to be quiet, but you had a hard time holding back the laughter that was gathering inside you. What the hell were they doing there? Suddenly Munson abruptly opened the door while yelling as loudly as he could. Surprised and somewhat frightened eavesdroppers fell to the floor.

"What the fuck dude?!" shouted Steve putting his hand over his heart. "Do you want me to have a heart attack?"

"Yeah Steve, what the fuck?" replied Eddie crossing his arms over his chest. "Can anyone know why you are spying on us? I thought you guys had enough spies, especially Russian ones."

"Oh come on! We were just curious how you were doing, you know very well how strongly we are rooting for you!" exclaimed Robin.

"And that was the reason for you to break in here through the window?" he asked amused, pointing to the open 'entrance'.

"Maybe it didn't work out so well, we just wanted to see how it was going and back out the same way." Steve tried to defend himself.

"Oh my God Steve, that sounds so much worse said out loud." sighed Robin and hid her face in her hands. "Come on creep, we should go now."

"Yes, you should, and this time PLEASE use the damn door."

"Yeah, we are sorry. Bye crab, bye y/n." said Robin, and on her way out she gestured that you should call her later.

"Bye stalkers!" you replied waving your hand.

When you were left alone again Eddie brought a tape recorder from the office. "I hope you won't hate me and forgive me, but last time I was at your place I borrowed something without asking." he said while putting the cassette inside.

"I connected the dots the moment you started playing the piano." You laughed lightly as you approached him. "I think I'm able to forgive you for stealing my favorite heirloom from my grandfather."

"That sounds awful, don't say it that way," he said.

"Then what way should I put it?"

"Maybe that I borrowed it without asking to impress you? And to ask you to dance now?" he pulled you to him putting his hands on your waist. You wrapped yours around his neck.

"Actually, it sounds better."

"Right?"

"Yeah..."

"So where were we before the two morons interrupted us?"

"You said you started falling in love with jazz..." you stepped closer to him, and his hands tightened around you. "And I was just about to answer you that metal and jazz is a very uncommon combination." A look of mild shock and sadness flashed across his face. He started to pull away when you pulled him as close to you as you could. Your chests touched and your lips were separated by millimeters. "But this very rare connection could turn out to be something really beautiful," you said.

"Do you really think so?" your proximity made it difficult for him to breathe evenly.

"That's what I hope for." you whispered and your lips lightly brushed his when you said it, and he put his hand on your cheek.

"I'd like to know what it's like to feel jazz all over me." he whispered while nudging yours with his nose.

"Nothing stands in the way." you replied and he finally brought your lips together in a passionate kiss. The music in the background enchanted the moment you were in and you felt that you would never have to feel lonely again. You had a feeling that with Eddie, Hawkins would become your home.

[bllsbailey]

DC Restaurant Server States She'll Refuse to Serve Trump Officials - and Gets an Appropriate Comeuppance

Suzannah Van Rooy, a server at Beuchert's Saloon

The libertarian in me insists that a private business should be able to refuse business to anyone. Back in the days before all the pettifoggery about "places of public accommodation" became accepted, it wasn't uncommon to see signs in bars, restaurants, and the like stating, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

These same private businesses, though, also have the right to expect their employees to accept management's rules about who and who won't be served. So when a District of Columbia restaurant server announced her refusal to wait on Trump officials, her employer took swift action that would probably bring a grin to the president-elect's face.

A Washington, D.C.-area restaurant server has been fired after she spoke out about possibly refusing service to incoming Trump administration officials. "I personally would refuse to serve any person in office who I know of as being a sex trafficker or trying to deport millions of people," Suzannah Van Rooy, a server at Beuchert's Saloon on Capitol Hill, told the Washingtonian this week. "It’s not, ‘Oh, we hate Republicans.’ It’s that this person has moral convictions that are strongly opposed to mine, and I don’t feel comfortable serving them."

Suzannah Van Rooy is entitled to her opinion but not on her employer's dime. Her employer acted decisively. And correctly.

Beuchert's Saloon told Fox News Digital that Van Rooy's remarks were "reprehensible" and she had been fired for violating their "zero-tolerance policy on discrimination." Beuchert's said the former employee was a part-time server and not a manager. It put out statements on social media condemning her remarks after being made aware of them on Thursday. "Recent comments made by a member of staff who had no authority to speak on behalf of our entire restaurant have been, quite rightly, flagged as inappropriate, hostile, intolerant, and unacceptable. This staff member does NOT speak for us as a restaurant," Beuchert's initial statement on Thursday said.

This is the correct response.

Restaurants are one of the more challenging small businesses to run. My father-in-law ran cafeterias for almost 60 years until we finally talked him into retiring a few months before his 80th birthday, and he is always citing the fact that restaurants have the highest failure rate of any similarly-sized business. So a restaurant on Capitol Hill, in the District of Columbia, cannot afford to alienate half of the possible customer base or to let a nitwit leftist employee do so.

Mind you if a server was refusing to serve Biden administration officials against their employer's will, the same rule applies. This is the kind of case where one applies the "shoe on the other foot" rule. Principles, not principals.

See Related: The Leftist Fits Over Trump Being Named Time's 'Person of the Year' Are Pure Gold 

Oh, BOO-HOO: DC Food Workers Pledge to Refuse Service, Cause Other Inconveniences for Trump Officials

I'm not planning on hanging out on Capitol Hill any time soon — the closest any plans take me is to National Harbor, Maryland, and I don't plan on heading into the District — but were I to find myself in the area, I would happily patronize Beuchert's Saloon and I'm guessing I would enjoy the experience.

The restaurant added:

"We are still the same restaurant known for its warm service and friendly staff, and hope you will all visit us soon. We look forward to serving you. All of you," it wrote.

That's sensible. Beuchert's business is serving food and drink, not political activism. It's good that their management understands that.

[lunarsilkscreen]

I had to disown my family

Despite more than a decade of military service that wrecked my health, my parents and grandparents are woefully unaware of the pain I actually went through.

They literally can not believe it. Despite evidence to the truth. But why disown them?

My parents do *not* have a retirement plan. I'm talking about my two biological parents. One, despite being in the military, has no TSP, 401k, nor has he been able to hold down a job.

My mother decided to be a paid parent, not an adoptive parent, a parent who gets paid to exist, and also couldn't hold down a job.

Her trailer is in intense disrepair from neglect.

They both only wanted to keep me around provided I pay them for the privilege. My Aunt and my nearest Grandparents both believe me to be bum, a freeloader, and refuse to believe I have any health issues at all.

The rest of my family is either by marriage or dead.

And so I was placed in a position where I must pay rent to stick around, or buy my own house. Despite a year of financial issues.

My father literally was in the last housing crisis and can't be convinced of the state of housing today, despite the media saying otherwise.

They believe me to be a person who doesn't want to work, has no health issues, and am trash.

And so, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place I'm in no place to help them, without hurting myself further in the long run. Despite trying to punch my pennies to afford a down payment on a house so that I don't need to rent.

They literally hate me because I don't spend extra money on leases and rent, and can't figure out; that's not how you save money.

Because despite everything; they see me as an 18 year old who has never worked in their life. Eternally youthful, and have no reason to be depressed for the way life is.

Because of course; I'm the one who chose to be trans, quit the military (because you don't get an honorable discharge of its medical, their words, not real,) AND I'm the one who chose to rent a place near them because I just wanted to spend time with family while being depressed.

They asked "Why didn't you call us, why did *you* push us away?" When they dropped in unannounced as I was going to appointments for medical and business shit--those stupid costly workshops that didn't help for shit.

When they knew I was going to these appointments *because* I told them.

"Why didn't you ask us for help?"

I did... I did a lot. There was a price for me to pay to be nearest my family, exactly thirty-minutes from everybody so I could help my mom, assist my grandmother, and spend time with my father.

"we didn't ask you to rent that place."

You didn't help me find a better alternative either. So when I finally did ask for help;

It was conditional. It was temporary. Just like it always was.

I didn't ask for help, because you didn't want to give any. And the help you did give ignored the efforts I already did.

You ignored me the whole time... And blamed me for your ignorance.

And so, they said "please leave, or pay us the subscription fee."

They offered me food so that they could complain when I partook. They offered me shelter, so that they could complain I was staying there.

They tried to convince me to spend money on expensive things that wouldn't help me because then "it would look like I was actually trying."

Yea. You know what; I don't need that kind of help.

Because I can't be spending money frivolously if I want to get myself to a better life. If I actually want to start a family.

It's just too fucking bad that your friends and mine, Yea, acquaintances maybe; felt obligated to take advantage of me.

And you; won't ever at least think I tried, no matter how much effort I put in.

No matter how many people in Iraq I've killed.

No matter how my body breaks.

No matter how many people decide that they want to take advantage of me.

No matter what I do; I'm no more than a decoration in your lives. And so, I don't need you. But then again; you weren't going to leave me anything anyway.

And all I really wanted was some good memories you can burn everything valuable for all I care.

[dreaminglain]

I'm so fucking sick of politicians telling me I just have to "accept it"

That I have to "accept"

I'll be much older than they are when I retire, or I may not be able to ever retire at all

That I have to "accept"

That even though we are paying into social security more than ever I'll never see a cent of it

That I have to "accept"

That I may never be able to afford children

That I have to "accept"

I'll never have a house

That I have to "accept"

That there won't be meat in the future,

and we'll just have to eat bugs to survive

That I have to "accept"

That I'll have to work two jobs to survive

We don't have to accept any of it

We just need to do what needs to be done, and as a society, get the guts to do it. We outnumber thease people. They live in luxury while they tell us to accept living like this.

We shouldn't have to.

We don't have to

[meditating-dog-lover]

Update (health)

So good and bad news.

I met with a functional medicine doctor today! I was able to order some functional testing that will help me with my eczema. I'm so happy and the consultation was extremely helpful and beneficial.

I'm very happy I'm in a privileged position where I am able to access and afford functional medicine doctors for my chronic condition instead of only having access to in-network dermatologist who over-prescribe steroids.

I also met with my therapist right after my consultation and spoke about some stuff and did an EMDR session (I used vibrating hand wraps for the bilateral stimulation, not actual eye movement).

That all went well. I then go home and everything was fine as well. I walked my dogs. We did have a presentation at work today and had Panera catering boxes, and I took one. I took a bite of the sandwich when I got home, only for me to develop a scratchy throat and pain in my mouth. It turned out the sandwich had hummus in it and I didn't even know. I'm more reactive to tahini than I am to sesame. I am very allergic to all sesame products. So I took Benadryl immediately, which does help me. Unfortunately I was feeling unwell and nauseous. I couldn't comfortably eat the rest of my food (I made something else to eat). I ended up vomiting (twice), which never happened to me before due to an allergic reaction. It was to the point where I was gagging and nothing was coming out because I cleared out whatever I had left in my stomach.

And because of that, I had to retake Benadryl because I assumed I vomited the first dose out. I was fine for an hour, I had some stomach discomfort and some throat itchiness and tightness, but nothing too bad and I knew it was getting better. I got sick again, worrying I vomited the second dose of Benadryl out. But I started feeling sleepy, which is a side effect of the Benadryl. So it means that I've absorbed it despite all the vomiting. My mom called my grandmother (retired nurse) for some advice and she said I'll be fine.

Thankfully my allergies can be managed by Benadryl. But I do have an Epipen and need to get a prescription for another one because my insurance didn't want to cover my initial prescription. So I'll call my allergist tomorrow so we can get this sorted out. I never had to use one, mainly because Benadryl has always helped me and I don't like the idea of sticking a needle into my skin myself. However in the event of a serious allergic emergency I will, and thankfully that was a never an issue. Even after today's horrible reaction, Benadryl on its own did the trick. Though Benadryl and any other OTC antihistamines won't help some people with allergies and they will need to use something stronger like an Epipen.

I did take a short nap, and now I'm feeling much better and was able to eat and drink water. I made sure to eat and drink enough because I knew I had cleared everything out, so I was definitely hungry and thirsty. No weird reactions from that, thankfully.

I feel great now. In general I am in great health and feel great, despite my eczema. So whenever I feel sick or something happens, it feels like absolute hell to me because I'm not used to the feeling. It really is a privilege. So when I have an allergic reaction, it does feel like hell. I'm so thankful there are medication out there than can save my life when stuff like this happens, and put me out of any pain or discomfort. Allergic reactions are so uncomfortable. I'm happy I feel better. I'm also thankful I'm not allergic to foods that are very common. Sesame products are found in foods like breads, sandwiches, trail and party mixes, and dips. But they can be easily avoided on my part. But shit happens.

I also developed a rash on my face and my hands started to itch (but not in the form of a full eczema flareup). Speaking of which, my skin is doing fine and the redness and bad dryness is gone. I do have some dry areas and tiny cuts, and the skin areas that were broken during my flareup from 2 weekends ago are healing. But they are still there and will bleed again sometimes (I applied sunscreen on my hands and face today and the mechanical force of my rubbing my hands caused the skin to break and bleed again, which is annoying). But the skin is healing and my palms completely healed. There is minimal dryness, not as bad as it used to be. I have more skin softness in areas that used to be covered in skin flakes. I am back to using cocamidopropyl betaine containing soaps, as I don't think that's the ultimate root cause of my skin issue.

My functional medicine doctor says there is a link between the gut microbiome and eczema, which I also believe in. The traditional treatment method is steroid medication, which is anti-inflammatory. Same with flaxseed oil, which is a natural treatment. Both are anti-inflammatory, but they're not anti-microbial. Doctors recommend patients with eczema to do bleach baths, and bleach is an antimicrobial agent. This leads me to believe that it is recommended because eczema has a microbial source. For example, people with eczema do have staph. aureus on their skin. In my case that could be why my flaxseed oil wasn't a perfect solution. It could be due to the presence of bad gut microbes that trigger skin microbiome imbalances (the presence of staph) and cause eczema. It's also rooted in microbiome imbalances, not just inflammation. Those imbalances do cause inflammation though. My doctor recommended I do the GI MAP test, I can't wait to test it out because I've heard a lot of people with eczema say it helped them. I also did a skin culture test yesterday at my derm office despite using some antibiotics since last week. We'll see how those turn out.

Also my dog today noticed I was not feeling well and jumped on me to cheer me up (she's so empathetic). I was feeling nauseous and had throat tightness and just felt awful in general because of my allergic reaction. In the process of her jumping on me, her nail scratched one of my skin lesions and it hurt so bad. I got upset because of the pain and felt bad afterwards because it wasn't her fault. She is feeling fine now.

I'm also experiencing some tooth sensitivity which I do experience from time to time on random occasions (usually my upper right teeth). I have gum recession and bleeding there and in general throughout some areas in my mouth (nothing severe), so this can be the cause of this sensitivity. I went to the dentist less than 2 months ago and did xrays and was told I have no cavities. And my hygienist spent an hour cleaning out my gums which was so satisfying. So I really need to stop worrying about my teeth. I have dental trauma due to bad experiences with dentists. I had a dentist who damaged my permanent molar when I was 14, and dentists who were patronizing and awful and some who recommended unnecessary procedures because "I trusted them because they're doctors and they know what's best". I feel like this harmed my teeth, and it sucks because teeth cannot heal like skin can. So any damage or procedures are lifelong. Thankfully I did a lot to improve my dental and gum care by upgrading my toothbrush and floss, using toothpaste with xylitol, supplementing with D3/K2 and magnesium and avoiding a lot of junk food, and getting a tongue-tie release to promote nasal breathing and avoid dry mouth. And I saw a new caring and educated dental team. I've healed a lot but not 100% of course. Just because I'm mainly focused on eczema, it doesn't mean I've healed from any psychological dental trauma, even if my teeth improved by the above mentioned methods and using a quality toothpaste that removes occlusal stains. It will get better with time and I know it because I did a lot to help myself and my new dental team is very caring and helpful. It's like they set a new standard for me.

I've been still intermittent fasting (not today though given the emergency I was in), but I've been doing great. Again I'm heavily focused on my eczema now, but the IF is going well. I'm eating mostly healthy and have been doing so since last April (almost a year). I used to get sugary coffees and eat chocolate and Crumbl cookies and Chick Fil A along with it, and full bags of chips. It's gotten better. I cannot say my diet is 100% perfect, and no one has a perfect diet. But it's definitely pretty healthy overall and I do take supplements to fill in any gaps. But my current diet is so much better than my old one, at least I can be proud of that. Believe me there is nothing cute about sugar addiction. I have hidden boxes full of cookies in my bedroom closet. I have not had healthy eating habits growing up, and I'm working on breaking that cycle. Whether it be overeating and eating a lot of sugar and junk. I'm eating better portions now and IF helps with that, and I do eat healthy overall. I even had some Crumbl over the course of a few weeks 2-3 weeks ago and even that was too sweet and too large of a portion. Thankfully I don't eat there that often. I did deal with some cravings recently and it could be a period thing (I no longer really get premenstrual cravings though).

Once I get my eczema out of the way, I can possibly see how I can improve my diet if really needed (I don't think it needs too much improvement). I am a picky eater though and eat the same stuff all the time. Some healthy foods I do not like, even junk foods. So while those foods may be healthy, nutritious, and filling, I may not be fully satiated because I personally didn't like them. I wish I enjoyed a wider diversity of healthy foods. That's something I can work on. I do eat the same fruit, yogurt, nuts, dark chocolate (my absolute favorite), bread, potatoes, cheese, etc... daily. Working on diversity can help a lot. But I'm happy to report my eating improved a lot. I feel like I wasn't super focused on my diet because of my current eczema mess. Though once that's out of the way, things will go back to normal. I do take supplements to fill in any dietary gaps, but I don't believe they replace a healthy diet. They just "supplement". I'll get my cholesterol and sugar evaluated in a few months when I'm due for my blood work. I hope I'm in the normal range (I already am anyways). I do want to be honest with my sugar and cholesterol levels and consumption. My functional medicine doctor also wants me to do some additional blood work, specifically for certain vitamin levels, so I'll be doing that too.

Walking is phenomenal for blood sugar too. So is stress reduction But given my poor dietary history, I want to work on my A1C/blood sugar and cholesterol, which are already in good ranges. I will continue the IF and healthy eating and supplementation to fix any gaps. This "reversal" in food perception and psychology, and how I evaluate my health results, will take time. I'm just happy I'm a lot healthier now and I love intermittent fasting.

My sleep has gotten better since I started working. I also drink a lot of water. But really, I feel like intermittent fasting and eating healthy and eating less sugary and fatty foods and supplementing helps a lot with my general wellness and my blood sugar and cholesterol. I'm someone who ate poorly growing up, so this change will make me feel so much better without feeling deprived. Even having no dental issues is something new to me, so I'm benefiting from new things in my healing journey and it's great. I now nasal breathe and take my fat soluble vitamins and magnesium like it's a daily routine (well breathing is something you do 24/7, it's just that I'm able to nasal breathe comfortably, even when I sleep). And I'm going to address my gut health of course, which will really help my eczema. And stress management helps too, which I'm currently working on and my new therapist is so helpful. Things will get better. 1 bad day of an allergic reaction won't ruin the rest of my life. I feel better now thankfully.