#we will see if that happens sooner or later

[empressdede]

Reconnecting Ringside

Sade is interning at WWE, hoping to gain some insight experience and runs in to Jon, an old friend. What are the chances of these two reconnecting?

Word count: 3.5K

Pairing: Jonathan x OC (Sade)

No warnings, Happy Valentine’s day ��️••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••Jonathan Fatu adjusted his snapback as he strolled through the halls of the WWE Performance Center, his sneakers squeaking against the polished floor. Fresh off a promo rehearsal, he was already thinking about heading back to his hotel—until a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Jonathan Fatu? Is that really you?”

He turned, eyebrows raising in surprise. “Sade?”

There she stood—Sade, his old friend from back home. The years had changed her, but the warm smile and bright eyes were unmistakable. She held a media badge around her neck, a notepad in hand.

“Wow,” Jonathan chuckled, a grin spreading across his face. “Long time no see! What brings you here?”

Sade’s smile widened. “I just started an internship with WWE’s journalism team. Gonna be doing interviews, covering events, all that.”

“No way!” He beamed proudly. “Look at you, making moves. This business is wild, but you’re gonna kill it. Trust me.”

Sade laughed. “I hope so! And I’m pretty sure an interview with a certain Uso has to happen soon.”

Jonathan smirked, his playful side kicking in. “Only if you can handle the heat, ’cause when I’m on the mic, it’s straight fire!”

“Bring it on,” she teased. “Just don’t make me roast you on camera.”

Jonathan laughed loudly, shaking his head. “You ain’t changed a bit.”

Before they could say more, a voice called from down the hall—production needed Jonathan on set. He glanced back at Sade. “Yo, we gotta catch up after this. Dinner tonight?”

“Deal,” she replied.

As he walked away, Jonathan couldn’t help but smile. The WWE ring had brought him countless battles—but this? This felt like the start of something special.

-

Later that evening, Jonathan and Sade found themselves at a cozy restaurant not far from the arena. The air buzzed with the soft hum of conversations, but their table felt like its own world.

“So, WWE journalism, huh?” Jonathan leaned back, his chain catching the low light. “How’d you end up here?”

Sade smiled, setting her drink down. “Well, you know I always loved storytelling. After college, I did some freelance sports writing. Then, I saw WWE was offering an internship for media coverage. It felt like fate. And now here I am, about to cover superstars—never thought I’d run into one I actually know.”

Jonathan chuckled. “Man, life’s wild like that. Feels like yesterday we were back home, clowning around.”

Sade’s eyes sparkled. “Remember when you used to practice your promos in front of my camera for my school projects?”

Jonathan laughed loudly. “You mean those cringy ones with the bad lighting? Yeah, I remember. Guess that was my first taste of ‘The Mic.’”

Sade grinned. “I knew you had star power even then.”

Jonathan’s expression softened. “And now you’re here, chasing your own dream. That’s dope.”

Their laughter faded into a comfortable silence, and for a moment, it was just two old friends, worlds apart from where they started, but somehow right back in step.

Then Sade’s phone buzzed with a notification—Interview assignments posted. She opened it and paused, eyes widening.

“Well, looks like fate’s still working overtime,” she said, turning the screen to him.

The assignment read: “Exclusive Sit-Down Interview with Jimmy Uso – Tomorrow.”

Jonathan smirked. “Guess you’re getting that interview sooner than you thought.”

Sade raised an eyebrow, her playful competitive streak kicking in. “Hope you’re ready, Fatu. I don’t go easy on my subjects.”

Jonathan grinned, his tone playful but firm. “And I don’t pull punches. Better bring your A-game.”

Their eyes locked—a spark of excitement, challenge, and something unspoken lingering between them.

“Game on,” Sade replied with a smirk.

The following morning, backstage at a live event, the atmosphere was a mix of buzzing anticipation and focused intensity. Jonathan Fatu—better known in the ring as Jimmy Uso—sat in his dressing room, meticulously going over last-minute details. The mirror in front of him reflected a man who had weathered countless storms in the squared circle, each scar and smile telling a story of his journey.

A gentle knock at the door broke his concentration. Jonathan looked up to see Sade stepping in, notebook in hand and a confident gleam in her eye. The room, usually reserved for quiet pre-match rituals, seemed to brighten with her presence.

“Good morning, Jimmy,” she began warmly. “Ready for our sit-down?”

Jonathan grinned. “Always. It’s not every day I get to be interviewed by an old friend.”

They settled into a pair of mismatched chairs by a small table cluttered with water bottles, a coffee mug, and memorabilia from past events. Sade switched on her recorder and leaned forward. “Let’s start at the beginning. What was it like when you first realized this wasn’t just a game, but your life?”

Jonathan’s eyes softened with memory. “I remember the first time I stepped into the ring—the roaring crowd, the smell of sweat and determination. It wasn’t about winning or losing back then. It was about proving to myself that I belonged in a world where every moment mattered.”

Sade scribbled a note, then asked, “And what about the pressure of living up to a family legacy? Your brother, the rest of your clan—it all adds a layer of expectation.”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Family is both the weight on my shoulders and the wind beneath my wings. Every match, every promo, I’m not just fighting for myself but for everyone who’s ever believed in me. It’s a relentless drive.”

The conversation flowed naturally, as if the years apart had melted away. Sade probed further, “There must have been moments of doubt along the way. Can you share one that changed you?”

Jonathan’s gaze drifted to a framed photo on the wall—a candid shot of him and his cousins backstage, laughing after a tough day. “There was a time when I wasn’t sure I’d ever overcome the obstacles. A major injury had me sidelined longer than I’d hoped, and the fear of losing my edge was overwhelming. But in that quiet darkness, I learned that resilience isn’t just about physical strength—it’s about heart, determination, and the unwavering support of those who stand by you.”

Sade’s voice softened. “That vulnerability… it makes your triumphs all the more inspiring.”

“Exactly,” Jonathan replied, a wry smile playing on his lips. “The ring isn’t just about the spectacle you see on TV. It’s about the sweat, the scars, and the moments when you push past pain to become something more.”

A comfortable silence fell over the room as they both reflected on the weight of his journey. Finally, Sade added, “I think that’s what the fans need to hear. Behind every high-flying move and every electrifying promo, there’s a human story. A story of struggle, family, and the relentless pursuit of a dream.”

Jonathan nodded appreciatively. “And thanks to you, Sade, that story is going to be told with honesty and heart.”

The recorder clicked off as Sade closed her notebook. They sat for a moment, two friends connected by time and a shared passion for storytelling—one through the physical poetry of wrestling, the other through the power of the written word.

Stepping out into the corridor, the buzz of the arena waiting just beyond, Jonathan clapped Sade on the shoulder. “I’m looking forward to the next chapter. And hey—if you need any behind-the-scenes action, you know where to find me.”

With a final smile and a promise to reconnect after the show, Sade walked off, her mind brimming with the raw, authentic narrative of a superstar whose legacy was as much about heart as it was about hustle. And for Jonathan, the day had reaffirmed that every story—both in and out of the ring—deserves to be told.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••Weeks passed, and Sade and Jonathan settled into an easy rhythm. Between shows, interviews, and the chaos of WWE life, they always found time for each other—grabbing dinner after tapings, cracking jokes between promos, and sharing late-night conversations that blurred the line between the past and present.

Their friendship felt natural, like they had never lost time. But for Jonathan, something unexpected had started to creep in—attraction. He found himself looking forward to her laugh, the way her eyes lit up when she asked the right question, or how she stood her ground during heated debates about wrestling storylines.

One evening, they sat together in catering, plates filled with the usual post-show fare. The energy of the arena hummed faintly through the walls. Sade, scrolling through her notes for her next assignment, glanced up to catch Jonathan watching her.

She smirked. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

Jonathan shook his head, leaning back with a grin. “Nah, just—never thought I’d see you in this world. But you’re killin’ it.”

Sade chuckled, brushing off the compliment. “You always did hype me up.”

Jonathan’s eyes glinted with curiosity, and he tilted his head playfully. “So, tell me… you leave a boyfriend behind to pursue this dream?”

Sade paused mid-sip of her water, then burst out laughing. “Boyfriend? Nah, haven’t had one in a while. Been single for two years now.”

Jonathan’s eyebrows lifted slightly, though he kept his cool. “Yeah? Why’s that?”

She raised an eyebrow, her playful side kicking in. “Why you askin’, Fatu?”

Jonathan shrugged casually, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes. “Just curious.”

Sade smirked. “You’re terrible at being subtle, you know that?”

Jonathan laughed, rubbing his chin. “Maybe. But I’m good at being real.”

A charged silence settled between them, one that felt… different. Sade felt the weight of his gaze, but before she could unpack it, a crew member called her name from across the room.

She stood, flashing him a quick grin. “Well, just curious, I gotta get back to work. See you later, Fatu.”

Jonathan watched her walk away, a slow smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah,” he muttered under his breath. “See you later.”

But as she disappeared down the hall, one thought stuck in his mind: This ain’t just friendship anymore.

-

The more time Jonathan spent with Sade, the more his feelings tangled. Friendship had always been easy with her—jokes, conversations, the comfort of someone who just got him. But now? He found himself noticing everything—the way her eyes crinkled when she laughed, how she challenged him in conversations, how her passion for storytelling mirrored his passion for the ring.

But the more he felt it, the more he panicked.

Jonathan wasn’t a stranger to love—he’d been through enough to know how messy it could get. And with Sade? She was his friend. Hell, his best friend. If he crossed that line and it went south, he could lose something he hadn’t even realized he needed so badly.

So, he buried it. Teased her like always. Kept his playful charm front and center.

But his heart kept slipping through the cracks.

One Night After SmackDown

The locker room buzz had died down, and Jonathan was cooling off from his match, towel draped around his neck when his phone buzzed.

Sade: “Still here? Grab a late bite with me?”

He didn’t hesitate. “Bet. Meet you outside.”

They ended up at a small diner—not glamorous, but the kind of place that felt real. Sade was deep into a story about a backstage interview gone hilariously wrong, and Jonathan, fork paused halfway to his mouth, just… watched her.

“You good?” she teased, catching his stare.

He blinked, covering with a smirk. “Yeah, yeah. Just… you really love this, don’t you?”

Sade’s expression softened. “I do. I love getting to know people, hearing their stories. Wrestling isn’t just about fights—it’s about heart, passion, legacy. And you…” She nudged him playfully. “You live that every night.”

Jonathan felt a warmth he couldn’t shake. “Yeah, well… guess I’m lucky I got someone who sees the real side of all this.”

Their eyes locked—something unspoken humming between them for a beat too long.

Later That Week – At the WWE Performance Center

Jonathan decided he needed to do something about these feelings—anything—before they started eating him alive.

So, he did what he knew best: he hit the ring. Training always cleared his head. Except, this time, it didn’t.

Every corner of the ring reminded him of Sade—because she was everywhere now. In his matches, his promos, his downtime. And it wasn’t annoying. It was terrifying how right it felt.

Finally, he stopped, breathing hard, hands on his knees. “Man… what the hell’s wrong with me?” he muttered.

A voice from behind startled him. “You good, Uce?”

Jonathan turned to see Joshua, arms crossed, watching him with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Jonathan lied, wiping his face. “Just workin’ some stuff out.”

Josh wasn’t buying it. “Man, you wrestlin’ ghosts or somethin’? What’s really on your mind?”

Jonathan hesitated, then sighed heavily. “It’s… Sade.”

Josh’s eyebrows shot up, a smirk forming. “Ohhh. Sade. Say less.”

Jonathan groaned, “Man, don’t start—”

Josh cut him off, serious now. “You feelin’ her?”

Jonathan rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I mean… I didn’t plan on it. But it’s like—she’s my friend, but she’s more than that, too. And I don’t wanna mess it up.”

Joshua clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Bro, when you know, you know. But if you’re already over here sweatin’ and stressin’ like this? It’s ‘cause you care.”

Jonathan looked at his brother, the truth hitting him square in the chest. “Yeah… I do.”

–

Lying on his bed, phone in hand, Jonathan’s thumb hovered over Sade’s contact.

He typed: “You up?”

Then deleted it.

Tried again: “Hey, you wanna talk?”

Deleted that, too.

Frustrated, he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Get it together, Fatu.”

But deep down, he knew—this wasn’t something he could fight like an opponent in the ring.

This was something he had to face.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••Valentine’s Day was a week away, and Jonathan Fatu had one thing on his mind—Sade.

The decision to finally tell her how he felt was clear, but how he’d do it? That was where he was stuck. He wanted it to be perfect—something meaningful, something that showed her just how much she meant to him.

So, between training, matches, and travel, he found himself scrolling through ideas—dinners, flowers, maybe something personal like a custom WWE jacket with her name on it. But every option felt too small for how big his feelings had become.

The planning was driving him crazy—and, without realizing it, making him distant.

Sade Notices the Change. At first, Sade didn’t think much of it. Jonathan was busy—WWE life was hectic, and they both knew that. But as days passed, she felt it—text replies were shorter, their usual jokes felt half-hearted, and he wasn’t hitting her up to hang out like he usually did.

After their last interview together, he barely stuck around—just a quick “Good job” and he was gone.

Sade couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

Talking to Joshua

Sade decided to get to the bottom of it, and who better to ask than Jonathan’s twin, Joshua?

She found him backstage after SmackDown, cooling down from his segment.

“Hey, Jey,” she greeted, her voice light but uncertain.

Joshua smiled, towel draped over his neck. “What’s good, Sade?”

She hesitated briefly, then got straight to it. “Can I ask you something? It’s about Jonathan.”

Joshua’s eyebrows lifted knowingly. “Oh?”

Sade shifted her weight, arms crossing. “He’s been… different lately. Distant. Did I… do something? Is he mad at me?”

Josh chuckled, shaking his head. “Nah, you didn’t do anything.”

Sade narrowed her eyes. “Then what’s going on? We were tight, and now it’s like I barely know what’s on his mind.”

Joshua debated for a second—he knew what his brother was up to, but it wasn’t his place to spoil it.

Instead, he grinned slyly. “Lemme just say this—My brother’s head is in the game… but his heart? Yeah, that’s somewhere else right now.”

Sade frowned in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Joshua gave a small shrug but couldn’t hide his amusement. “You’ll see soon enough. Trust me.”

Sade’s confusion only deepened. “You Fatu boys and your cryptic answers…”

Josh laughed, “What can I say? We love a good storyline.”

-

Meanwhile, Jonathan was pulling every string he could to make this Valentine’s Day unforgettable. He called in a favor with WWE production for something special during that night’s show—a personal video package with highlights of their friendship, moments from their interviews, and even a few candid clips.

His heart pounded at the thought of it. This wasn’t just a gesture—this was him laying it all on the line.

But he hadn’t spoken to her much because if he did… he’d slip. He knew it.

Sade, still confused and slightly frustrated, wondered if Jonathan was pulling away from her for another reason entirely.

But what she didn’t know was that Jonathan wasn’t pulling away—

He was getting ready to step closer than ever before.

Valentine’s Day -

Valentine’s Day arrived, and the energy backstage was electric. Red and pink decorations lined the catering area—thanks to some overzealous staffers—and the buzz of the night’s matches filled the air.

Jonathan, though? His heart was racing for a different reason. Tonight was the night. His plan was set—the video package would air after his segment. But before that… he needed to ask her. Directly.

Sade was reviewing her notes for a post-match interview when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

“Hey.”

She turned, and there he was—Jonathan, looking slightly… nervous? She raised an eyebrow. “Well, well, if it isn’t Mr. MIA. You finally decided to show up.”

Jonathan rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, about that… I’ve been, uh, working on something.”

Sade folded her arms, smirking. “Something so important you had to ghost me?”

Jonathan chuckled softly, but then his tone shifted—serious, genuine. “Nah… something for you.”

Sade’s expression softened. “For me?”

Jonathan took a small breath—this was it. “Yeah… So, listen. I know I’ve been distant, but it’s ‘cause I’ve been trying to figure out how to do this right.”

He stepped closer, his voice steady but warm. “So, I’m just gonna say it plain—Sade… will you be my Valentine?”

Sade blinked, her lips parting in surprise. Of all the things she expected—that wasn’t one of them.

Then, a slow, radiant smile spread across her face. “You mean all this time you were stressing about this?”

Jonathan chuckled nervously. “Yeah… pretty much.”

Sade shook her head with a laugh. “You really are something else, Fatu.” She paused, eyes softening. “But… yeah. I’d love to be your Valentine.”

Jonathan’s grin could’ve lit up the entire arena. “Good. ‘Cause I wasn’t takin’ no for an answer.”

Later that night, as the crowd roared and the lights dimmed for a transition segment, the arena screens flickered to life—playing a special video package.

Footage of Jonathan and Sade appeared—interviews, shared laughs, behind-the-scenes clips… their story. The final frame read:

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Sade. — Jonathan”

Sade, watching from the interview set, felt her chest tighten—warmth flooding through her.

And as the camera panned back to Jonathan, standing in the ring with a mic, he smiled toward her direction.

“Yo, Sade,” his voice boomed, “Just wanted everyone to know—you’ve already made this the best Valentine’s Day.”

The crowd erupted in cheers, and Sade couldn’t fight the grin on her face.

The cheers from the crowd still echoed faintly through the halls as Sade and Jonathan stood together backstage, the energy of his Valentine’s Day surprise still buzzing between them.

Sade pulled back slightly from their hug, her eyes searching his. “That… was unreal, Jon. I don’t even know what to say.”

Jonathan’s gaze softened, his hands lingering at her waist. “Don’t gotta say anything. Just… tell me how you feel.”

Sade’s heart pounded. She felt the weight of the moment—the years of friendship, the teasing, the laughter, and now… this.

So, she stopped thinking.

And closed the distance.

Their lips met—soft, warm, and every bit as perfect as she’d imagined. The world around them blurred into nothing, the noise fading until it was just them.

When they pulled back, Sade’s breath was shaky, but her smile was radiant. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jonathan’s lips curled into a grin, his forehead resting against hers. “You have no idea how long I’ve been hoping you would.”

The unspoken was spoken, and everything felt… right.

And as they stood there, lost in each other, one thing was certain—this wasn’t the end.

It was just the beginning.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

How we feeling? We loved it? Hated it? 😂 Let me know🤍🤍

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[itsacruelsummerbaby]

THE PATH WE CHOOSE

There’s a group of girls who only audit his class because of him–you’re one of them. But with you, there’s a pull, one he wants to resist so he can make you a proper student of his.

pairing: Spencer Reid x reader || tags: post-prison!Spencer, fem!reader, age gap, professor-student relationship || wc: 3.2k || navigation

It’s quite a big disappointment to find out you are only attending his classes as a guest to see him, not because you’re that interested in the topic. But he can’t be mad at you, he’s far too gone in a fantasy world to care about the why; all that matters is that you’re there, looking at him with those beautiful wide, shining eyes, occasionally biting on those rosy lips of yours.

What he would give to have a taste of them.

But then he manages to swim back to the surface from the depths of his thoughts, returning his focus on the class. The class that’s full of young women who are sitting in the front row with that dreamy look on their faces, admittedly auditing probably just to see him. Is his subject really so boring? To him, it’s everything but, yet the number of actual students is concerning. It’s easy to wonder what’s the point of this.

Surprisingly, he grew to enjoy teaching, which always makes him smile, because over ten years ago he would have freaked out in front of a crowd like this. But spending time with his second family taught him a lot, it evolved his social skills, so now he was truly in his element here. Not as much as he was in the BAU, but enough to think about this as a permanent thing after leaving the team.

Because sooner or later it will happen, he can’t do that job forever. It’s too demanding, it’s too dangerous, and maybe one day he will wish for a simple life that doesn’t involve serial killers. Yes, if he keeps teaching, he will talk about them, but at least he wouldn’t be actively hunting them. That’s better. Safer. And maybe he can finally think about having a proper relationship, about marrying someone one day, or even about having a child, maybe…

It would be with you.

Damn it, no, stop, he tells his brain as he leans back in the chair in the bullpen, pressing the heels of his hands to his forehead. He’s been having these same thoughts since he last saw you in class a week ago, repeating in his mind over and over and over again like a broken record, plaguing every moment of his days and nights. He can’t remember ever being so obsessed with another human being, which sometimes truly scares him.

There will be a day when you won’t show up. There will be a class that will be the very last time he sees you, and the thought scares him. But if he could convince you to attend his class officially, not just auditing it, then he would have more time to spend with you. And more time can give him the chance to show you just how good he could be to you.

Oh, come on, stop already, he practically yells at himself on the inside.

“Is everything okay?” Penelope’s cheerful voice is acting like a beacon that shows him the way back to reality, and when he looks over at her, refusing–or rather not really knowing how–to answer, she playfully boops his nose with the top of her pen. “Alright, genius, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

“I’m just… It’s a student I can’t stop thinking about.” With a dramatic hum, she sits on the edge of his desk and twirls the pen in her hand as she waits for him to continue. “I’m not an idiot, I know perfectly well there is a group of girls who are only auditing my class because they think I’m “cute” as one proper student pointed out a few weeks ago,” he begins to explain.

Before he can move on, Penelope’s eyes widen as she gasps. “She’s one of them, isn’t she? Because she must be one of those girls, otherwise you wouldn’t have mentioned it,” she points out.

He closes his eyes as he leans back, then lets out an annoyed groan. It’s not directed at his friend, more like at the situation in general. Why can’t he simply forget you exist? It would make things so much easier, but no, his memory is forcing him to remember everything about you.

In the end, he looks back at his friend, but before he could say anything, she lets out a laugh. “Oh, wait, you actually like this girl, don’t you?” Penelope asks, leaning down so she can keep her voice down. “Oh, my God, this is so adorable. What’s her name? I want to know everything about her, and you know how good I am at this.”

That’s true; she’s the master of snooping around, finding out everything about people from behind the computer screen, and if she wants to help, who is he to stop her? Maybe she will find a dark secret that can finally make him forget about you, although deep down he highly doubts it could work.

Less than half an hour later he leans back in the swivel chair in Penelope’s office, staring at the ceiling as he tries to process what she has found out about you. There was no dark secret, not even a simple red flag, you’re just as perfect as you look. You have excellent grades, you’ve been playing lacrosse since high school, and you’re working at a vet clinic after school.

“She’s smart, kind, and pretty. So, if she’s not a student of yours, maybe you could ask her out,” Penelope suggests, earning a surprised look from him. “I know, I know, she’s a little younger than you–”

“A little?” Spencer asks with a doubtful edge to his voice.

“Listen, I’m saying this as your friend. There’s a girl who obviously likes you, one who’s probably intelligent enough to keep up with your beautiful brain, you should give this a chance. Just one date, that’s all.”

He exhales slowly as he thinks, trying hard to decide what to do. “Maybe you’re right,” he begins, and Penelope squeals from happiness, which he shuts down with a raised hand, “but she also seems interested in the class. She answers if I ask them a question, she’s taking notes, so if I can convince her to take the class properly, she might choose this career in the end.”

His friend only rolls her eyes. “Right. You really want her to choose her career over you?” she wonders.

Spencer nods. “She’s talented, it would be a shame if she wasted it just to be with me.”

“You’re my best friend, you know that, but right now you’re an idiot. Do what you want, don’t get me wrong, but in the end you’ll regret choosing this path with her,” she tells him with a shrug.

With a sigh, he looks up at the ceiling. Maybe there is no right choice, maybe it doesn’t matter what he does, the result will be the same. If he asked you out, then what? You can still say no and break his heart with that. “I’m screwed,” he mutters as he closes his eyes.

Don’t get too hooked on his stupidly handsome features and beautiful brain. 

As you’re sitting in your car in the parking lot, your forehead resting against the steering wheel, you keep repeating this sentence like a mantra. Maybe if you say it enough times, you will be able to resist his charm. 

Dr. Spencer Reid is the bane of your existence, the reason why you can’t sleep at night, why you’re losing your grip on reality. These days you’ve been daydreaming more and more often, imagining a life where he genuinely cares about you, where you’re his girlfriend. 

It’s ridiculous, you know it, and you should get him out of your mind, especially because he’s your professor. He’s off-limits. But how? You don’t know what could be the best solution, the medicine to your suffering. 

You’re knocked out of your thoughts by a sudden knock on the window. “Fuck,” you mutter with a groan.

Jonah is watching you with a huge smile on his face, even waving at you before signaling to get out of the vehicle. You inhale and exhale to push your previous thoughts aside, then open the door to do as he wishes. 

“Is everything okay?” he asks while you lock the car.

You nod, then begin to follow him towards the entrance of the building, feeling as your heart rate keeps crawling higher and higher. You don’t want to go to class, not today, not when you’re ovulating and have all those nasty thoughts about the guy who’s gonna talk in the next hour and half. 

“You know what I still can’t wrap my head around? Why are you attending Dr. Reid’s class?” he brings up the topic you would rather avoid. 

Since your answer isn’t the one he would probably like to hear, you just shrug. “I don’t know, maybe I just wanna know if I should take it next semester,” you lie.

But is it really a lie? 

He lets out a thoughtful hum while you both occupy your usual places in the second row. It’s close, but not too close. Just perfect. You take out your laptop from its case, but before you could open it, you freeze, because you can hear the chatter around you die, and you feel a pair of eyes on you–and it’s not your friend’s.

No, these are the beloved professor’s hazel eyes, and when you raise your gaze to meet his own, the murmurs around you fade away, making it feel like it’s just the two of you there. But it doesn’t last long, he quickly looks down at his watch, then claps his hands once to get the class’s attention. 

Half an hour later a chat message pops up on your laptop, and you glance at your friend when you see he’s the one who chose this silent way of communication. 

Jonah: Are you sure you’re not just trying to please Reid to get his attention by being active during class despite not going for the grades?  Jonah: No shaming, he’s good-looking in a nerdy way, I get it if you’re head over heels for the guy. You: I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s an interesting topic, I can’t help myself. Also, he’s not my type.

A big fat lie. Bravo.

Jonah: Sure. 

Blowing out the air you’ve been subconsciously holding, you shake your head and return your attention to the lecture. It’s another anecdote, the story of a dangerous serial killer, a cannibal, no less. 

Jonah: Have you noticed that he keeps looking at you? Or am I just seeing this because we’re talking about him?

You shoot him an angry look, then simply close the messaging app. But he doesn’t give up, your phone starts buzzing, the screen lighting up to show you the previews of his messages.

During today’s class, Spencer often has a brief second when he forgets what he was talking about. It doesn’t last long, his students probably don’t even notice the brief break in his speech, but to him, this equals a disaster. He’s not like this, he doesn’t just trail off for no reason.

Well, okay, not for no reason. All he can think about whenever his eyes fall on you are Penelope’s words.

Is convincing you to take his class properly the right choice? She was right, he feels something, a pull that can’t be ignored that easily, and if a day when you’re not simply auditing his class comes, he would lose his chance to ask you out on a date. You would be his student, so he would have to face the consequences if he dared to make a move on you. 

But then he asks a question, and you’re one of the three students who bother to raise their hands. He doesn’t miss the way the young man on your right snickers at the sight of you being so involved, but he can also see you shoot a warning look at him. It’s hard not to wonder what this is all about, what previous conversation triggered this silent exchange–because there had to be a reason. 

In the next few milliseconds, he has to make a choice. Should he ask you? He wants to see if you got the answer right, but at the very same time he has his doubts about talking to you. 

He has never done that, and he has no idea what it would lead to. Would he simply fall deeper into this rabbit hole of emotions? Would his voice give away that he’s uncertain about everything when it comes to you?

In the end, he gathers the strength to say your name.

And you got it right. Oh, that beautiful brain of yours. 

Years of training led to an annoying habit, though. He instinctively profiles people in situations, just like he’s profiling you now while moving on with today’s lecture. He could hear that slight tremble in your voice which gave away that you were nervous–was it because you weren’t sure about the answer, or because you had to talk to him? 

For the rest of the class, he tries to focus on what he has to say, doing his best not to look at you, but it’s hard. The temptation is there, and after a while he finds himself scanning the crowd of students only for his gaze to linger a second too long where you’re sitting. When your eyes meet, you bite on your lower lip and look down at your laptop. 

He eventually dismisses the class, but then he opens his mouth and your name spills out without a warning. You look surprised, and for a moment he wonders if he made the right call. What should he bring up? His plan to convince you to take his class properly, or to ask you out on a date? 

Maybe this wasn’t his brightest idea. 

Every fiber in your body wants to run as far from him as possible. He’s a profiler–a really good one–he definitely notices simple things like someone having a crush on them. You’re not even sure if you can keep up a conversation with him for longer than a minute before your thoughts trail off, moving on to his sharp jawline you love so much. 

You’re only a visitor here, if he finds you have a crush on him, he might ask you not to come back. But how could you stay away when seeing him is like a drug, giving you the kind of sweet high that can recharge your batteries faster than anything? 

Your legs are shaking as you move closer to him, but you focus on your breathing. Inhale. Exhale. And again. And again. It can’t be that bad, it’s just a brief conversation. Yes, that’s what you have to focus on. Inhale. Exhale. And repeat. 

“Is everything okay?” he asks you when you get close enough. 

Nodding, you gulp and pull on the strap of your laptop bag over your shoulder. “Is something wrong, Professor Reid?” 

He hesitates for a moment, or so you think it’s hesitation, and then he licks his lips, a move that sparks your imagination. No, no, you shouldn’t think about what you want that tongue to lick, or what he must taste like. Stop, enough, you tell yourself. You take a deep breath as you wait, your heart beating so fast it might jump out of your ribcage.

“There’s something I don’t understand,” he begins as he folds his arms over his chest. “You’re taking notes, you’re interacting in class, you remember things, yet you’re only auditing this class. Why don’t you take it properly? You’re good, you would get good grades, or,” he says, but trails off.

What is it that he wanted to say? “Or?” you say, the words coming out before you could stop yourself.

Dr. Reid lets out a sigh as he rests his hips against the edge of his desk. “You have talent, you would be a good profiler,” he admits. 

That’s flattering, really, but not what you want to hear. 

“Look, why don’t you take my class next semester? Until then, you could join us for a summer internship at the FBI,” he suggests casually.

Your eyes widen from surprise, because that you haven’t expected. Wow, an internship? And what was that us? Did he mean the FBI in general, or his team, the BAU? If it was the latter, that would be the coolest thing ever. Except… 

Except you would spend more time by his side. Pure torture. 

You take a deep breath, then somehow manage to force yourself to look at him. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” At first, he gives you a surprised look, but then a barely visible smile appears on his lips as he nods. “Where do I apply for that internship?”

“I’ll help you from the inside and get everything ready. Hopefully you’ll only have to take care of the paperwork,” he explains. 

There’s something about his voice, the way it becomes just a tad bit higher, his speech speeding up more and more with each word he says, and there’s a slight tremble from either nervousness or excitement. If you didn’t know any better, you would say he sounds exactly like a guy who’s talking to his crush for the first time to ask her out. But could that be the case? It seems highly unlikely, it must be your imagination.

The offer is nice, though. You’re only doing this because it would be nice to work there.

Great. Now you’re lying to yourself too.

Back in his office, Spencer picks up his phone from the desk and looks for Penelope’s contact. It’s her fault, the least she can do is listen to his ramblings about what he’s just done. It rings once, twice, at the third ring he begins to wonder why she’s not picking up, but then he hears her cheerful voice and lets out the air he’s been holding. 

“Remember that girl from my class? I think I just promised to get her an internship at the BAU,” he says quickly. 

There’s silence on the other end of the line for a few moments, but then she goes, “Oh, Spencer, when I told you to ask her out, I mean dinner, or a movie, not a summer internship she can spend by your side.”

He lets his forehead hit the desk with a loud thud. “I’m an idiot.”

“When it comes to her? Yes, you are,” Penelope agrees, then lets out a sigh. “Okay, why don’t you come over tonight? We could order something to eat and watch a movie. And we can talk about her if you feel like it.”

“Sure,” he agrees, even though he just wants to crawl into a hole and die right now. 

[lonely-ey3s]

With All My Love : Chapter 13 | road trip - part one

Chapter 13 : Road Trip pt. 1

Pairings: joel miller x f!reader (no outbreak)

Word count: 11.5k

Chapter Summary: After your engagement party you struggle to understand how you feel. However, after meeting with your therapist a couple times, Joel thinks a road trip would do you all good.

Chapter warnings: Chapter warnings: SMUT (18+ MDNI), public-ish sex, unprotected piv, anxiety, flashbacks of traumatic memories, mentions of PTSD anxiety, mentions of thoughts of unaliving, FLUFF, joel being an absolute lover, soft!joel, possessive!joel use of Spanish but with translations, use of y/n, and therapy session.

a/n: requests are open! please send prompts or things you would like to see more of!

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics 

Main Masterlist

Joel woke up before you that next morning, finding you still wrapped in his arms, sleeping peacefully. Your facial features relaxed, a small smile etched into your lips, nothing harming you in your sweet dreams. 

He turned his head and looked at the time, seeing it was close to 10 am. 

He gently kissed your head and stroked your cheek which caused you to make a hum in your sleep and turn off of him, cuddling up to the pillow as you turned around, staying deep in sleep. 

He took that opportunity to get up and get some sweats and a t-shirt on before coming over and kissing your cheek, stroking your hair back, whispering, “I’m just going to make some calls downstairs… I’ll be back.” he kissed your cheek again as you sleepily nodded and smiled, “Ok cowboy…” you said heavy with sleep. 

He brushed your hair back and then grabbed his phone from the nightstand and headed down the stairs dialing Diane’s number, Sarah and Elena were already up and cooking breakfast. 

Within a few rings, Diane answered, “Diane speaking…” 

Joel cleared his throat, “Mornin’ Diane, it’s Joel Miller, how are you?” 

Diane smiled, “Joel, it’s so good to hear from you. I hear congratulations are in order!” 

Joel smiled softly and chuckled, “Yes, thank you. I uh… I was wondering if I could talk to you however about somethin’ else, do you have a few moments to talk?” 

Elena saw him coming down the stairs and went to greet him when she saw he was on the phone and looked at him, holding up the pan she was cooking with, nonverbally asking if he wanted any, he nodded and smiled, walking into the living room, sitting on the couch. 

“I uhm, I know Y/N doesn’t have another session with you for another week but I think she may need an emergency session, we had an incident last night that may have knocked her back a few steps.” Joel held the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he explained your mental state, still feeling frustrated by it. 

“I’m sorry to hear that. I appreciate you reaching out and would love to fit her for an emergency session today or tomorrow. What happened if you don’t mind me asking?” Diane asked softly. 

Joel sighed softly and thanked her before explaining the chain of events. He also explained more in-depth where you seemed to be mentally, how you were anxiously telling yourself you were too much for him and worried that mentality could make you depressed or even potentially suicidal if it continued without intervention. 

Diane agreed and said that was a concern of hers too after hearing how you were. She offered to see you sooner rather than later and said she had some time this evening to see you, said it would be best for him to come with, and depending on what you wanted, he could sit in the session or not, but she wanted him there in case anything happened with triggers. He agreed and said he would bring you to her office at 4 pm. 

Joel ended the call and sat on the couch for a moment, thinking what he needed to do from now until then, he looked at his phone and dialed Tommy’s number as he said he’d call him this morning. 

It rang a few times then Tommy picked up, “Hey, how’s she doing?” 

Joel cleared his throat, “Still in bed but she’s ok. I just got off the phone with Diane, she’s worried about some things she said when I got into bed last night and is getting her in for a session later today.” 

Tommy sighed softly, “What did she say? Is she going to be ok?” he worried he did something more than just trigger you. He knew the fragility of someone’s mental and emotional state once they got home and worried somehow he set something a lot bigger. 

“She was sayin’ things like how she was too much, how she’s a burden. She kept apologizin’ too… like somehow her reaction to the trauma she went through was her fault.” he said softly, feeling anxiety creep into his mind now, “What if I’m not enough Tommy? What if she needs more than what I can give her?” Joel said quietly, almost close to a whisper. 

“Joel, you’re kidding right? If you aren’t enough for her, then what does that make me for Maria? You are ten times the man I am… you move mountains for that girl, you’d rearrange the constellations and planets for her if it made her smile. You can’t seriously think you aren’t enough. You…” he sighed softly and chuckled, “Joel, she looks at you when you aren’t lookin’ like you molded the moon to hang for her in the night sky. She was lookin’ at you yesterday with every ounce of love that woman possesses in her heart… you’re it for her. Now you’ve got that ring on her finger, she’d go down to the courthouse in a matter of seconds if it meant becoming your wife. You never have to worry about bein’ enough.” he said bluntly.

Joel lightly chuckled and put his head in his hand, leaning on his knee, “I just always worry I’m not doin’ enough, you know?” 

Tommy tsked and chuckled, “I constantly feel the same way. We are though, we just need to start believin’ it.” 

Joel nodded and looked up at the wall in front of him, it had a photo of you, him, and Sarah hanging from one of her soccer games which made his heart warm and made him smile, “Anyway… I need to get back to things but I’ll keep you and Maria posted throughout the next couple of days. Maybe we can have you over for dinner or something, yeah?” 

Tommy smiled and nodded, “We’d like that.” 

Joel softly took in a breath and told his brother goodbye, sitting on the couch a moment longer before getting up and heading back upstairs with two plates of food that Elena had made for you two. 

Joel had woken you up and made sure you were fed but after you had eaten you went back to sleep after taking a shower, the events of the last few days and especially last night wearing down on you. 

Around 3 pm Joel softly woke you up and told you he got you an appointment with Diane to help with what happened last night but he needed you to wake up so you could get there on time. 

You slowly got up, getting dressed in some oversized jeans, in a vintage sports pullover of Joel’s, and doing your hair up in a messy bun. The goal was to be comfy and get through the rest of the day. 

To be completely honest you weren’t only sleeping because you were exhausted, you slept because it avoided the growing panic attack you felt growing inside your mind, feeling at any moment you were going to explode. 

Elena said she’d stay another night to help out so that he wouldn’t have to worry about Sarah or the house when he got back. You two could focus on what you needed as she assumed this session would take a lot out of you that already was low and fragile. 

Joel held onto your hand as he drove to Diane’s office across town, you focused on counting stop signs while he drove, trying to distract yourself. 

He didn’t push conversation or try to talk, he knew you had a lot going through your head as he saw how quickly your eyes would move from one thing to another, how you were starting to pick at your cuticles again, and your knee would bounce when you sat still. He put the radio on low and let the music fill the air. Occasionally gently squeezing your hand or pulling it to his lips to gently kiss it as he drove. 

He pulled into her parking lot, shut off the truck and turned to look your way, “Do you need a minute? We are here a little early if you need some time…” he gently ran his thumb over the top of your hand. 

You looked at the office doors and shook your head, you knew you were safe there, you knew that Diane’s office was somewhere you could seek help in times like this when your mind wouldn’t stop. 

“I’m ok. I think I’d like to go in now… sit down for a moment.” you said quietly, keeping your eyes on the door, reading the address and phone number on the door over and over again, not letting yourself think about anything else. 

Joel nodded and leaned over, kissing your temple gently, “Ok mi vida, one sec, I’ll come ‘round and get your door…” he opened the truck door and was careful to close it gently, then walked around and got your door, holding out his hand. 

You were staring at the door still, reading the numbers and spelling the street out letter by letter in your mind, your lips moving but not saying anything.  

Joel looked at you then followed your eye line to the door, seeing what was on the door then looked back at you, “1124 Teterbeen Street, Suite B, what’s the phone number baby?” 

You looked at him for a moment and saw his hand out, his big brown eyes eager to help you. You took his hand and got out of the truck, repeating the phone number to him softly. 

“Good, now remind me what’s the address again?” he kissed your temple as he gently shut the door of the truck and walked with you towards the door, listening as you read out the address. 

He opened the office door for you and walked with you inside.

Diane’s office smelled of lavender and eucalyptus which instantly calmed you. Joel could feel the rigidity in your body melt just a little as you held onto his arm. 

Diane’s receptionist smiled at you and Joel and then pushed a button on the desk, which silently let Diane know her next appointment was here by illuminating a lamp in her office just a tad that sat behind her patients so it never felt like they were being rushed but let her know to start wrapping up the session.

“She’s just finishing up, please make yourself comfortable.” she offered softly. 

You took a seat by the waterfall wall she had to bring a calm presence to the waiting area, it was somewhere you always sat before your sessions. 

Joel had never been inside the office, just always dropped you off as Diane always recommended you come in alone so you wouldn’t build a co-dependence on him but today was different, today Joel was there if you needed him you told yourself. 'I'm not alone.'

Joel looked at the wall and moved his hand to take yours, “This is pretty… has it always been here?” he spoke softly. 

You nodded, “She usually has it on. I think it’s to help calm us beforehand… she’s Pavlov-ing us.” you let out a soft snort. 

Joel chuckled, “Pavlov-ing? Like the dog and bell thing?” 

You nodded, “Positive reinforcement I imagine can be conditioned in many ways.” you shrugged, “After all, she is a psychologist, an expert in mind control…” you joked. 

Joel shook his head softly and kissed your head, chuckling, “She’d find that funny…” 

Diane’s office door opened and a young man walked out, thanking her and shaking her hand before he walked to the reception desk to schedule his next appointment. 

Diane smiled at you and cleared her throat, “Y/N… it’s so good to see you.” she came over and you stood, putting on a fake smile for her. 

“It’s good to see you too.” you nodded and put your hands behind you, starting to pick your cuticle, Joel sat and looked at Diane, smiling softly. 

“Well, in today’s session I’d like to speak with you about what happened last night and you’re welcome to have Joel sit out here or if you want, he can come in with you, but the choice is yours. I’ll just have him leave for a few minutes towards the end for you and me to talk about a few things one-on-one.” she smiled kindly and held her notepad against her chest, waiting for you to lead the way. 

You looked back at Joel and then at her, nodded, “Yeah um… can he come?” 

She nodded and smiled, backing up a could steps, “Of course. Let’s take a seat in here.” she held her arm out to guide you into her office. 

Joel stood and put his hand on the small of your back gently, “I’m right here…” he whispered to you, then walked with you as you hesitantly walked inside, all of a sudden feeling very anxious. 

You came around and sat down on the couch she had against the wall facing her chair, Joel joined next to you and softly offered his hand which you took and gently squeezed. 

She sat down and smiled at you, watching you very closely as you looked around and analyzed everything, zoning in on a new photo she had hanging behind her chair, “New photo I see… that’s uh… the Oregon coast, Lincoln city, yeah?” it showed a famous landmark from Lincoln City, Oregon’s beach.

You were deflecting and she knew it. It was something you did in the first couple of sessions you had with her when you started, she had a hard time calling you out on it without you getting defensive, telling her there was nothing wrong with making conversation. 

She knew today was not a day to call you out, instead acknowledged but slowly crawled into talking about what was going on. 

She nodded, “Exactly. You ever been there?” she smiled, leaning back in her chair. 

You shook your head and softly exhaled, “No… but there’s a resident pod of whales that visit there every season… it’s a bucket-list trip Joel and I have talked about doing eventually.” you smiled and looked down at his hand holding yours. 

She smiled and looked at Joel, who was watching you very attentively, gently stroking your hand with his thumb, “I hear it’s a beautiful place to visit. Maybe you two can go on your honeymoon…” She nodded towards your ring and smiled, “Congratulations by the way.” 

You looked at your ring and then at her and lightly let out a breathy chuckle, “Thank you…” 

“When did that happen?” she probed carefully. 

You kept your head down, starting to fiddle with the ring, “Um… two days ago…” you smiled softly and cleared your throat softly, looking at her. 

She nodded, “Joel told me that you guys had a lovely engagement party thrown by some friends and family last night, can you tell me about that? What was your peach, and what was your pit?” she smiled softly. 

You two had used this term often, a good way to express the positives but also negatives of situations without tying them to negative ideas and behaviors. It helped you express things when thinking about it in this way, she seemed to get more out of you when you thought of traumas or events this way. 

You nodded and chuckled, “Uh… peach was Joel’s toast. He uh…” you looked over at him and smiled warmly, “He has a way with words, knows how to make a girl feel like she’s god’s gift to this world.” you chuckled and he smiled, gently bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it. 

“Just speak the truth, mi vida… you are god’s gift to my world.” he winked and smiled softly. 

You blushed and looked down shyly, leaning against him, looking back at your hands connected. 

“Sounds like a good peach. It’s a lovely experience and opportunity we get when we have someone love us that type of way isn’t it?” she said as she wrote something in her notebook. 

You nodded and inhaled, “Makes the pits not so horrible.” you admitted softly, focusing on anything but her, feeling under a microscope by how she was unwrapping you and the last 24 hours. 

She hummed in agreement, “I like that point of view.” she smiled and wrote something more down. 

“Now, on the other end, what was your pit?” she looked up at you. 

You bit the inside of your cheek, and focused on picking your thumb cuticle that was near raw, “I think you’re aware of what was the pit…” 

Diane took a soft breath in and cleared her throat, “I do… but I need you to tell me it in your own words… what made it a pit?” 

You stayed quiet, your foot gently tapping the ground, tears were starting to well up in your eyes, you didn’t want to relive what happened. You knew talking about it would take off the soggy Band-Aid you were using right now and that it would open up an already aching wound. 

“I know it’s painful and perhaps a little hard to talk about…” she leaned forward, “What went through your mind when it first happened? Start there…” 

You swallowed and looked at the corner of the coffee table in front of you, “When I was back in…” you jutted your jaw out and let out a breath, trying to keep yourself calm, “... on our last field assignment, we were out running a damn missile. Same… fuckin’ whistle when it comes down from the sky echoes the field.” rolled your shoulders back and tightened your jaw. 

“Same sounds that fireworks make when they fly up, right?” Diane softly asked.  

You nodded. 

“Tell me why you took cover by the shed, what made that spot feel safe?” 

You shrugged, looking up at her. 

“What made you run to that place rather than inside?” she pressed.  

Joel looked at Diane then you, gently squeezing your hand to give you a little boost of support. 

You looked at him for a moment then looked down at your hands, again tightening your jaw, speaking softly, “Joel was in there… and for a moment I thought I wasn’t safe… that I was back in an active zone… which meant he wouldn’t be safe with me going in there…” you let out a breath through your nose, “So I went as far as I could from his point of location…” you admitted. 

Joel looked at you as you admitted that and then looked at Diane who nodded at him, letting him know that’s what she suspected. 

You looked at Diane, “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.” 

Diane wrote something in her notebook then bit the inside of her cheek, “I’m curious… let's say if Joel is with you when these moments happen- do you think he experiences the trauma you do, or do you know he isn’t in harm's way? Are you able to separate that in your mind?” 

Your body went rigid and you shook your head, eyes going numb and cold as you looked across the room at her, “I… I don’t know but I don’t want to think about that… I…” you looked down at the floor, “...there’s a peace knowing he and Sarah never will know that fear…” 

Diane nodded, taking a moment before asking, “Do you think that if he had been around when those fireworks would have gone off you would have felt safer?” 

You shrugged, “I… I don’t know.” you had a few tears fall down your cheeks, “Sometimes I can’t separate where I am from where I’ve been…” you sighed softly. 

She wrote something else on the pages then swallowed softly, “When you first took cover, what did you see, feel, hear that made you think you were somewhere you weren’t?” 

You closed your eyes trying to remember, and your knee began bouncing anxiously, “I remember hearing a faint siren in the distance.” your eyes began scanning behind your eyelids, “... the air was thick and dusty, like something may have been hit nearby… I… I could smell something burning…" your lip trembled, "...someone burning…” you whispered, voice breaking, “I couldn’t move… I… I felt cemented into the ground, heavy and…” your breathing became uneven, small jagged breathes as you started remembering details, feeling right back there, making it all too much, “I couldn’t breathe… couldn’t think, couldn’t hear… I felt like…” you shook your head feeling overwhelmed and stood up abruptly, snapping your eyes open, “No… I… I need to get out...” you began looking for the door.  

Diane and Joel's eyes snapped up to you, Joel gently reached out to touch your leg while Diane tried to hold your gaze, “Woah… ok… it’s ok… you’re safe.” Diane said softly, holding up her hands to ease you from her seat, using her hand to tell Joel to stay seated which he did, “Hey, eyes on me… let’s count down from 10…” she said calmly but firmly.

Your hands shook next to your side, fidgeting open and closed, “I can’t… fuck… I can’t do this…” You began to hyperventilate, eyes scanning for an exit, then quickly moving around the table, tripping slightly on the leg, hitting your shin, hissing, “Ah... fuck…” You kept moving and quickly opened the office door, making for the exit.

Diane pushed a button on her table next to her chair which signaled the front door to lock automatically. Her office was by a busy road, and she learned very early on with dealing with patients with PTSD to have this safety tool.

She followed you out calmly and slowly, putting her notebook down on her chair before leaving the room, Joel standing with her and following, eyes filled with concern. 

You pushed the door to open it but weren’t able to open it, which just pissed you off and made you panic, "Open the door…” you jiggled the handle again, trying to open it, “Diane, open the damn door!” your breathing became faster and panicked. 

Diane looked at the receptionist and nodded, she turned up the volume on some white noise that was playing around the office to help ease you. 

“I’m not opening the door sweetheart, it’s not safe…” she said, easing her way closer to you. 

You stood facing the door, placing your head against its cold glass, breathing frantically, “F-fuck… I…” you rolled up your sleeve and started flicking your wrist with a hair tie you had again and again, shutting your eyes. You were told that shocking your senses would help snap out of moments like this in the army. 

Diane heard the band snap against your wrist and nodded, “Good. Senses needing to be shocked I see... good job… you’re doing great.” 

You continued to snap the band against your wrist, slowly falling to your knees, “I can’t go back…” you whispered over and over. 

Diane’s receptionist heard what she had said and reached into a mini fridge she had below the desk and handed Diane an ice pack, something to shock the senses that wasn’t so abrasive to you. 

She knelt slowly, listening to what you were saying, “You aren’t going back… you’re staying here… staying safe. Shhh…” She waited for a moment then cleared her throat “Let’s try holding onto this, yes?” she said reaching out with the cold pack. 

You turned around, your wrist red and raw from the continuous stimulus to it, and sat against the door, facing them, taking the cold pack and holding it against your forehead, after a moment letting out a breath of relief and shaky breathes being taken in and out. 

Joel came and knelt by Diane, careful not to move too quickly, gently reaching out to put his hand on your knee, you looked up at him and saw how worried he looked, how he wanted nothing to do more than help you. 

You looked up at Diane and sadly sighed, looking hopeless, defeated. 

She softly smiled, “Whenever you’re ready we’ll go back and talk about how to help these moments, yes?” she reassured. 

You nodded and closed your eyes, “I’m sorr-” 

Diane cleared her throat, “What is our one rule in here about that…” 

You opened your eyes and softly chuckled, “Right… no apologies are allowed if they are due because of a trauma response…” you mocked her voice teasingly. 

Joel looked back at Diane then quickly back at you, “Ok, so that rule is carrying over into our home…” he chuckled and gently rubbed your knee. 

You rolled your eyes jokingly and smiled softly, “How did I know you’d jump on that rule?” 

He leaned forward and kissed your head, “Because you’re notorious for apologizin’ when it’s not warranted sweet girl…” 

Diane nodded, “We've found that’s a good indicator a person has been in toxic relationships where you are constantly accessing people’s emotions and reactions.” she sighed softly, “You most likely have it from your parents but mostly Charlie.” she suggested. 

You nodded and scoffed, “Lovely… one more thing from him.” you rolled your eyes and moved to stand up, handing the ice pack back to the receptionist who smiled and handed you a new one, “Keep it… seems to help.” she smiled kindly. 

You nodded softly and slowly took in a breath after a few moments, “I’m ready to go back…” 

Joel and Diane rose together from the ground and nodded as you led the way back into the room. 

You sat back down where you were and held onto the ice pack, taking a few deep more steady breaths. Diane and Joel sat back down as well where they had been. 

Diane pulled her notebook back out and talked to you a little more about what happened, and why it happened. She advised that if things happen like that again, you use things like the ice trick or something else to shock your system into snapping out of that mindset. She advised Joel on things he can do to help in moments where things like this could happen but advised him to avoid triggers if possible as the more you’re exposed early, can lead to bad habits of coping outside of your own timing. 

She looked at the clock with 5 minutes left and looked at Joel, “Could you give us a few minutes to wrap up?” 

Joel nodded and looked at you, “I’ll just be out by the waterfall, mi vida…” he kissed your temple softly and then hand before letting you go and smiled and nodded at Diane as he walked out and softly shut the door behind him. 

The moment the door closed you looked at her and chuckled, “Am I in trouble or somethin’...?” you joked. 

She chuckled, “No, not in any trouble. I just like to check on some things that people tend to not speak honestly about in front of their partners…” she smiled softly, “I need you to answer me honestly when I ask what I’m going to ask, and either way I’ll take your word for it.” 

You bit your cheek, “Damn, sounds like you’re about to ask me if I’ve killed someone…” you joked, deflecting.

She looked at you and nodded, “Well... we’ve never talked about it, and it would help possibly explain some triggers you have." she tilted her head and then softly and calmly asked, "Did you have to take any life back in Afghanistan?” 

Your breath got caught in your throat and you held tightly onto the cold pack, looking down shamefully, fidgeting with the edge of the square you held, nodding after a few moments of silence “4 lives…” you clenched your jaw, holding back tears. 

She nodded and wrote it in her notes, then softly cleared her throat before clasping her hands together and softly, carefully asking, “Because of that, have you ever considered taking your own due to guilt?” 

You kept your head down and tears fell before you looked up at her, “Once.” you cleared your throat, “It was for less than a day back before I got to go home. It was after I got back from Delta 42 and 30…” you looked away for a moment, looking out the window, “Maria had gone home, Reggie was pretty much unavailable from the time I got to base to when I left. The days got long… I was alone for a big chunk of it because they wouldn’t let me work.” you set the ice pack down on the coffee table and swallowed, “All your left with is your thoughts, you know?” 

Diane sat forward, giving you her full attention, “Sometimes silence is the most terrifying thing we can be left with…” 

You nodded and sadly smiled then bit your cheek, “I uh… I got low. Couldn’t sleep, kept having echoes of what happened in Delta 42 taunt me every time I closed my fuckin’ eyes it felt like.” you looked down at your hands, “Joel was busy one day, couldn’t talk much and without that… without having some connection to the outside, I felt so fuckin’ alone… so consumed by the loss and fucked up shit I’d done in the last 72 hours…” you lightly chuckled, tears welling in your eyes, “For no more than maybe an hour or so, I saw my pistol on the desk as a way to ease the pain, stop the chaos from swarmin’ my head…” you fidgeted with your hands, “But then something just clicked and it was like a switch toggled on in my head. I felt lighter, could fuckin’ think and breathe… I can’t explain why or what did it- but never touched that pistol again until I turned it in the day I left.” you looked up at her, eyes etched with regret, "Please don't tell Joel..." you said sadly.

She listened and nodded along with you, making notes here and there with details you had told her, making notes on things you said then looked at you when you stopped talking, “What's said in here, stays in here." she reassured.

After a few moments of silence, she asked, "Have you had any itch to harm yourself since being home?” 

You shook your head and cleared your throat, “No… Joel… Joel’s been so…” you smiled softly at your hands, “He’s been so supportive and loving that I’ve not had much time to get that low, you know?” you looked up at her. 

She smiled softly and nodded, “Joel’s a good one, he’s solid, has a big heart, and he adores the ground you walk on which adds to it all…”

That made you blush and smile. You couldn't have asked for a better partner, a better fiancé.

She lightly chuckled, “Compared to what we’ve talked about with regards to Charlie… Joel’s been good for you.” 

You blushed deeper and nodded, “I’m really lucky to have him… consider myself blessed to have even met him the way we did, you know?” 

She nodded and smiled warmly, “Now you’re engaged… how does that make you feel?” 

You looked down at your hand, messing with your ring, “I honestly had no idea he’d ask this soon, but… it feels right, you know?” you looked up, “He looks at me like there’s somethin’ worth lookin’ at. Fills my life with color.” you shyly looked back down, “I’m just ramblin’ cheesy stuff now…” 

She chuckled, “Rambling about what makes you happy, nothin’ wrong with that...” she smiled. 

You nodded and cleared your throat, “He makes me happy. I… I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy in my life… never felt so… free…?” you chuckled. 

She nodded, “After what you’ve been through, that’s an understandable feeling.” she smiled and nodded a little then after another few moments of quiet she spoke softly, “I’d like to see you again in a few days, just for a short check-in, would that be ok?” 

You nodded and looked down, “Am I free to go?” you chuckled and then looked up. 

She nodded and stood, softly chuckling, “You call me if anything happens, even if it’s in the middle of the night, ok?” she opened her door.

You nodded and walked out of the room, “Thank you for your time today…” 

Joel stood hearing you come out and smiled at you. 

Diane nodded and looked at Joel then you, “Mind if I talk to Joel for a moment? Just to let him know how to best help you in the next few days?” 

You nodded and swallowed, “Yeah, no problem.” you came and sat in the chair next to where Joel was sitting, crossing your legs, grabbing a magazine, and looking down at it.

Joel looked at Diane and nodded, coming into the room with her, standing with his hands in his pockets as she closed the door behind her. She cleared her throat and offered for him to sit, “Oh… it’s a sitting conversation?” he asked nervously as he sat down on the couch. 

Diane chuckled softly, “Not necessarily, although what she’s going through is very serious… but nothing like… that.” she sat down and smiled softly. 

“So, what’s going on? How can I help her?” Joel asked, clasping his hands in his lap nervously but eager to listen. 

“She’s dealing with PTSD, so avoiding triggers will help, which I know can be done… you’re very aware of her environment and very protective of her.” she smiled warmly.

Joel felt empowered by that. To know his love and devotion to you traveled and was noticed by others.

“But what I’m concerned with is that if she gets to a low point she’ll… she’ll get low, really low.” she pursed her lips together to accentuate the meaning. 

He took in a breath and nodded, understanding, “What are warning signs to look out for?” 

“She’ll start to remove herself from normal social situations, she may start to say things that feel off... you’ll know what those are. I think the best thing is to keep her busy, check in daily, and maybe encourage her to write in a journal, she’d do well with that… but just, be there and let her feel her feelings but don’t let her be absorbed by them…” she said softly. 

He nodded and cleared his throat softly, “Sarah has a break comin’ up... Y/N mentioned that beach in Oregon earlier. While ya’ll were talkin’ I made some calls… I was thinkin’ of doing that in a week when Sarah's off school, do something to keep her busy but also somethin' to look forward to? What are your thoughts?” he sat a little closer to the edge of his seat. 

“I’m going to see her again in a few days, how about I let you know how she is then? She’s in no way to travel so soon based on today’s session but she might be ok in a few days after she settles mentally…” she said softly. 

He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek, “Anything I shouldn’t do?” 

She shrugged, “Ask her what her boundaries are. I think right now she just needs a lot of support, love, and patience. Some light distractions to keep her somewhat busy and not lame would be good. Things like movie nights, going to the grocery store, small car rides, things like that.” she suggested. 

“My brother, the one that set off the damn fireworks, should I keep him away? Would he be triggering?” he asked, sounding concerned. 

She shook her head, “Tommy and Maria… it would be good for her to be around them. She needs all the support she can get right now and Maria knows what she’s been through. Besides, what happened wasn’t anyone's fault, at least purposely, right?” she pressed. 

He nodded, “Right… it was all done with good intentions… just poorly executed.” he shrugged and chuckled lightly. 

Diane nodded, chuckling, “Tommy unfortunately has a record for poorly executing things like this doesn’t he?” 

Joel chuckled knowing what she was referring to; a work incident that Tommy was a little clumsy in after taking the three of them out to lunch and all of them coming back a little under the influence, “James had a hand in that too, you know?” he teased. 

She nodded and let out a louder chuckle, “I’ll never let him live that down.” 

They both chuckled and then Diane stood, “Anyways, she’s doing great, she’ll have a rough few days, but I think she’ll be ok, just keep me updated if anything gets bad enough where you can’t get her out of a… funk, you know?” she started walking towards the door. 

He stood and nodded, “I’ll keep you posted. Thanks, Diane.” 

She nodded and smiled before opening the door. You were reading a cooking magazine, deep in thought that you didn’t hear the door open. 

Joel smiled at you and walked over, sitting beside you, kissing your cheek then looking down at what you were reading, it was a recipe for a Tuscan Chicken pasta, “That looks good baby… wanna go to the store and get the stuff to make that tonight?” 

You nodded and looked at him, “But isn’t your mom cooking?” 

He smiled and looked at you, “If she is we can just cook it tomorrow but we can still go to the store? I’ll call her in the truck and ask…” he touched your cheek softly then tucked a strand of hair behind your ear delicately. 

You blushed and looked back down at the recipe then pulled out your phone and went to take a picture when Diane cleared her throat, “Take it home, just bring it back when you come back…” 

You looked at her and smiled, nodding then standing up, “Deal.” 

A week later 

You had gone in again to see Diane a few days ago and were doing much better. Elena stayed a couple of days after to keep you busy and monitor you while Joel had to go to work for a few important meetings regrettably. 

You’d never admit it, but Joel going back to work and not coddling you was what you needed. The less that you felt like a baby, the more independent you felt and the faster you adjusted and adapted. 

You still had a few hard moments over the past few days with being alone for too long after Elena had left. However, it pushed you to ask for help or reach out to friends like Rose or Maria.

You found yourself over at Rose’s offering to help with whatever she needed from day to day, not caring how small or silly it may be, you just sometimes needed to be around someone. 

Joel found when he’d come home most days he’d need to go get you from Rose’s as you would stay there until you knew someone was back home. 

After getting the 'ok' from Diane at your last session, Joel let you know that you guys were going on a road trip to the Oregon coast over the next two weeks and when you'd be leaving.

That in itself kept you busy as you packed for everyone, ran errands to prepare, and one morning instead of going on a run, cleaned the truck completely out.

---

His alarm went off at 5 am and you were already awake, buzzing with excitement. You leaned over and smiled as you kissed his cheek and brushed his hair back off his forehead, “Time to wake up, we gotta get goin’...” you giggled softly, kissing his shoulder. 

He chuckled sleepily and turned off his alarm before he wrapped his arms around you, humming, “5 more minutes darlin’...” he pulled you to lay on his chest. 

You giggled, “Joel you and I both know what ‘5 more minutes’ means and it’s not truly 5 minutes it’s another hour…” you tried getting out of his hold, smiling. 

The more you tried, the tighter he held you, keeping his eyes closed, trying to go back to sleep, “Shh, just let it happen… shh…” he teased as he held you tighter to him, starting to wrap his legs around you. 

“Damn it, Joel, you’re like a boa constrictor with your hold…” you couldn’t help but laugh and give up, “Fine, 5 more minutes…” you sighed and cuddled into him. 

He smiled and kissed your head, letting go of his hold a little, “Good girl, smart choice…” 

You blushed and laid your head on his chest, “How far are we drivin’ today?” you traced shapes on his chest. 

He hummed, partially back asleep, “We’re drivin’ to uh…” he drifted back to sleep, his arms starting to go limp around you as he was taken back deep into sleep. 

You smiled and chuckled and moved your head to watch the clock, letting 5 minutes go by before you sunk beneath the sheets and began kissing down his body, slotting yourself between his legs, dragging your lips across his bare cock making it hard quicker than you expected. 

Joel stirred and took a deep breath in, still somewhere between being awake and asleep. You kissed the inside of his thigh before spitting into your hand and began stroking him slowly, letting your saliva coat him while you pumped him in your palm. 

He groaned and turned his head in his sleep, feeling himself become aroused, smirking as he started to wake up.

You loved hearing those sounds come from him. It instantly made you wet against your panties. 

You were satisfied with your work and dropped your head to take the tip of your tongue from the bottom of his shaft up to his tip, dragging him out of his slumber, “Mmm still need 5 more minutes, amor?” you smirked as you kissed his tip making him grunt, slowly starting to wake up. 

“F-fuck…” he said as he felt your tongue swirl around his tip before sinking your mouth over him slowly, tongue flat against his shaft, softly moaning. 

You slowly bobbed your head up and down his shaft, taking more of him every time you went down.

He grunted and smirked, “Oh fuck, you’re takin’ me so good.” 

You moaned softly and pulled off with a small pop, licking your lips, “Mmm you taste so good baby…” You dragged your tongue up his shaft slowly, eliciting goosebumps up his body, “Can’t get enough of you…” you drew your lips back down and then started to suck on his balls softly. 

He gasped and gripped the sheets, cursing under his breath. He shut his eyes and swallowed a groan, making you kiss the soft spot of skin in his groin, “Mmm don’t you dare hold back on makin’ those sounds cowboy…” you stroked him in your palm.

He chuckled and let out a groan, “Fuck…” he hissed and let out a strangled moan, “Want you ‘round me…” he pleaded. 

You thought he meant your mouth so you went back to wrap your mouth around him, taking him deep and slow down your throat, gagging slightly at the size of him stretching your throat out. 

He groaned and his hips involuntarily bucked up, making you cough and moan as he went deep down your throat. 

You pulled off him and had saliva dripping out of your mouth, panting heavily, trying to catch your breath for a second, swallowing before you went to go back on him, starting to bob your head up and down again, this time a little faster. 

Joel grunted in absolute pleasure but shook his head, “Oh fuck... I need you… need you on top of me…” he groaned, jaw dropped and letting out a moan as you went down on him, moaning around his cock. 

You pulled off and smirked, kissing up his thigh, “You want me to ride you?” you asked breathlessly, slowly moving to kiss his stomach and up his chest. 

He smirked and panted softly, moving the sheets off to see you before leaning up on his elbows, looking down at you with those big brown eyes full of lust, “We’re gonna be sleepin’ in the same area as Sarah for the next 4 days… which means I don’t know the next time I’m gon’ feel your pretty pussy wrapped around my cock…” the smirked and looked up as you straddled him, your face hovering over his. 

You hummed and took off your panties, then took your shirt off, eyes bouncing back and forth between his eyes and lips, “I’m sure we can find ways… sneak around…” you started to grind him through your wet folds. 

He panted and grunted, laying back against the pillows, putting his hands on your hips, “Yeah? How would we do that?” he moved your hips at a slower rhythm than what you were, wanting this to last. 

You leaned down and started to kiss his neck sucking it softly, letting out a soft moan as his tip brushed against your clit, “We can always swing a quickie in the shower early in the mornin’ before she wakes…” you reached down between your bodies and lined him up at your entrance. 

“Think you can be quiet enough to do that? We tend to…” he grunted feeling you tease him at your entrance, “...fuck baby… you’re bein’ a tease…” he groaned feeling your lips suck against his pulse point. 

You grinned and kissed up his jaw then hovered your lips over his, “Finish that sentence handsome… we tend to what?” you looked down at his lips. 

He smirked and was lightly panting in anticipation, “We tend to enjoy each other in the shower, be a little louder than usual in there…” he bit his bottom lip, looking at yours, hungrily. 

You smirked, “I can be quiet if need be…” you sat onto his cock, slowly sinking him into your warmth, moaning softly against his lips, “I can be a good girl…”

Joel gripped onto you tightly, grunting as he felt you fully sit onto him before he sat you onto one of his elbows and cupped your jaw, “Yes you can be a good girl…” he said before pulling you down to kiss him deeply a few times before you pulled away by putting your hand on his chest and pushing him to lay down.

You started rocking your hips up and down on him, “Call me that again…” you panted as you softly moaned. 

He smirked up at you and bit his lip before lowly growling, “That’s a good girl, ridin’ my cock like that…” 

Your eyes fluttered shut and you smiled, nodding, leaning back to put your hand on his thigh then began riding him at a faster pace, up and down on him, moaning softly.  

He watched and groaned, seeing your tits bounce and the sight of him going in and out of you, “Fuck... you like that don’t you? Bein’ called a good girl…” he moved his hand up your body slowly before kneading your breast and playing with your nipple, keeping one hand on your waist. 

You gasped at the stimulation and nodded, “F-fuck that feels good…” you sat fully on him, his tip pressed up into your cervix, you swirled your hips, earning a grunt from him.

“Fuck baby, you like me that deep huh? Stretchin’ you out?” he cooed, sliding his other hand from your waist to between your bodies and using his thumb to draw circles into your clit. 

You gasped and bit your lip, “Y-Yes sir…” you cried out softly, suddenly feeling that coil start to wind up tight. 

He growled and he twitched inside of you, “Careful now…” he warned, “Callin’ me sir’s gonna get you in a different position where we’ll for sure wake up Sarah…” 

You opened your eyes and grinned down at him, continuing to circle your hips, “We aren’t road-trippin’ yet are we… sir?” you moaned softly feeling him twitch again inside you. 

His eyes went dark and he sat up quickly and smirked, before leaning forward and laying you on your back. 

He pulled out of you, “On your stomach… now…” he growled. 

You bit your lip and giggled then turned to lay on your stomach, “Yes sir…” 

He smirked and grabbed a pillow from behind him, and put his arm under your torso, pulling your hips up and sliding the pillow under you. Your hips are now slightly elevated, creating the perfect angle for him. 

He laid over you, squaring up behind you, lining up at your entrance, “You’re gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” he said lowly into your ear.

“Yes… yes please…” you begged. 

He kept himself at your entrance and used his free hand to brush your hair to one side of your body before sucking softly on your earlobe and plunging deep into your warmth.

You gasped and your hips rose up a little into him, gripping the sheets in front of you. 

He grunted and growled lowly into your ear, “Oh that’s it… fuck…”

He started rocking his hips into you, making you breathlessly moan as he whispered into your ear while letting out small grunts or groans,

“That pretty little pussy takes me so well…”

“Don’t cover your mouth. I wanna hear you…” 

“I know you can be louder than that…” 

“Such a good girl takin’ my cock like this…” 

You’d come undone within the first few minutes of him rocking slowly and deeply against that sweet spot. Your legs would quiver under him, becoming weak and melting into the sheets, mumbling how good he feels deep in you. 

He’d eventually start to buck into you faster and harder, putting his hand on your waist and one planted next to you to hold himself up, panting hard and quick, “Fuck baby you feel so tight around my cock…” 

He’d look to where you both were connected and the way your ass would shake as he slammed into you and smirked “Fuck mi vida, tu culo se ve bien rebotando así mientras me follo tu apretado y perfecto coño…” (Your ass looks good bouncing like that while I fuck your tight, perfect pussy…)

You’d arch your ass up a little with what strength you’d have left and try to thrust back into him to give yourself some added stimulation which only made things more sensitive and launched you into euphoria, “F-fuck don’t stop baby…” You pleaded as you moaned into the mattress to muffle yourself. 

Joel gripped onto you and grunted, “F-fuck…” he snapped his hips into you and then groaned as he spilled deep into you, his forehead falling against your back, panting as he stayed still inside you. 

After a few moments of silence, both of you came down from your highs.

He smiled softly and leaned his head up, “You were askin’ where we gotta drive today…” he kissed your shoulder softly, “We’re drivin’ to Albuquerque…” he softly rubbed your hip, kissing your spine, “But we should leave as soon as possible… it’s an 11-hour drive…” he kissed down your spine softly. 

You hummed and smiled feeling his lips, “We should get goin’ then… we already stayed in bed longer than we should of Mr. 5 more minutes…” you teased and turned your head to look at him as he kissed down your body. 

He looked up at you with those big brown eyes of love and adoration and smiled softly, “Touche… soon to be Mrs. 5 more minutes…” he came up and met his lips with yours, kissing you gently. 

After another hour the car was packed, and you guys were on the road towards Albuquerque, New Mexico. 

The first couple hours were spent with Sarah sleeping against the window and you reading a book while Joel listened to the radio softly in the background. 

Around the 5th hour, you put your book down and discussed some activities and stops along the way you all could take with Sarah and Joel needing some type of stimulation as the drive was getting boring. 

Sarah insisted on stopping in Moab, Utah at Arches National Park as well as the Cliff Palace in Mesa Verde National Park in Colorado. You agreed as you thought you could get some really good photos with your new camera and could get some practice taking photos of Sarah and Joel. 

Joel said he had purchased some Boise football tickets as their football field is blue and he’s always wanted to go to one of their games, he also agreed about going to Moab and said that your motel would be less than 45 minutes away from the park, it would be a good thing to do on your way in from Colorado. 

Sarah eventually got bored after the list was made and started going off with ‘eye spy with my little eye’ however there wasn’t much to go off of so you and Joel guessed things pretty easily. 

She pulled out a portable DVD player after 5 rounds ended in less than 10 seconds, frustrated. 

You chuckled and looked at Joel as she put headphones on, “Is this the longest drive we have for this trip?” 

He nodded and took your hand, bringing it to your lips to kiss it gently, “Yeah, I think the longest after this will be 8 hours from Moab to Boise…” 

You nodded and looked out the window, “You wanna switch after our next stop? I don’t mind driving…” you smiled looking back at him. 

He smiled softly and shook his head, “No, I like drivin’... keeps me busy.”

You looked back to make sure Sarah couldn’t hear before you smirked and looked over at him, “I could think of a few things I could do to keep us busy while you drove..." you teased.

Joel chuckled, “As tempting as that might be, we aren’t as sneaky as you think…” he winked at you.

You giggled and smiled at him, “Well for the record, if you need to take a break, let me know.” you kissed his hand and then leaned against the window, watching the road as he drove. 

—

With a few pitstops and several hours later, you drove into a quaint little motel in Albuquerque, NM. 

By the time you got there, it was around 9 pm, all you were doing was sleeping the night there and then leaving tomorrow for your next stop. 

When you all got checked in and into your room, the three of you took turns taking showers as you all felt gross from the drive.

You ordered some pizza for dinner and then you all watched a movie before passing out asleep around 11 pm. 

Around 3 am you woke up sweating, feeling your heart pounding but don’t remember having a nightmare so you just assumed it was due to the room being warmer than you were used to. 

You slowly got out of bed and went to adjust the A/C but seemed to not be working so you bit the inside of your cheek and tried to open a window but nothing was working to cool you off.

You came over and checked on Joel and Sarah, both seemed fine, most likely used to the heat. You leaned down and kissed Sarah’s head, pushing her hair softly out of her face, and then came over to Joel and kissed his head, making him stir but fall right back asleep. 

You took the notepad on the nightstand and wrote, ‘Going to sit by the pool, A/C sucks’, then grabbed a room key, and your book, and left quietly to go sit by the pool. 

You had short shorts on and a t-shirt, so you just walked out barefoot to the pool so you could put your feet in by the edge to cool off. 

You sat there for a few minutes before another younger guy came in, lighting up a cigarette. 

You smiled softly and nodded to be kind and acknowledge him then went back to your book thinking he would just smoke and then leave. 

After a couple of minutes of lingering, he cleared his throat, “Too hot for you too?” 

You looked up, “Pardon?” as you missed part of what he said, head stuck in your book. 

He smiled and started coming closer to you, “I asked if it was too hot in your room for you as well…” 

You chuckled lightly, “Oh, sorry. Yeah, it is.” 

He came and sat a few feet from you, rolling up his pants to put his feet in as well, “Not from the heat?” 

You shook your head and chuckled, “I should be used to it, I live in Texas but was born and raised in Washington.” you shrugged and looked back to your book, hoping he’d get the hint. 

He nodded and took a drag of his cigarette, “Ah I see. What part of Washington?” he let it out, filling the air around you with the thick odor.

You kept your nose in your book, “Oak Harbor.” 

He chuckled and smiled, “Ah, so cold Washington.” 

You nodded and hummed. 

He took another drag and then flicked his cigarette, “Whatcha readin’?” he nodded towards your book. 

You took a breath, “Uh, just a self-help book… nothin’ exciting.” you smiled and then looked back at the pages. 

He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek, “I’m Danny…” he stuck his hand out. 

You looked up and said your name, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. 

He chuckled and cleared his throat, looking up at the sky, “Nice night, huh?” 

You bit your tongue to avoid saying something rude, “Yeah, it’s not too bad.” you tried to read the same passage you’ve had to go over now 3 times due to him trying to talk to you. 

He turned and looked at you after a few moments of silence, looking down at your bare thighs that were showing due to the shorts you were wearing, “So, uh, what’s a pretty girl like you doin’ here in Albuquerque?” 

You were about to say something when Joel came in through the gate and cleared his throat, hearing him hitting on you, “There ya are, mi vida…” making his southern drawl really evident. 

Danny looked at Joel and then you, confused by the name, “Mi vida?” 

You smiled immediately hearing his voice and blushed, “My life.” You looked at Joel and then Danny.

Joel walked over confidently, “It’s Spanish, somethin’ of a term of endearment that I call my fiancé…” he came and sat by you, sitting purposely between you and Danny, offering his hand to him, “Joel… and you are?” 

Danny swallowed and smiled somewhat nervously, “Danny…” he took Joel’s hand to shake. 

Joel clenched his jaw and nodded, gripping onto his hand quite firmly, attempting to send a message, “Pleasure to meet ya…”

He nodded, pulling his hand away, and then slowly rose to his feet, “Well I think I hear my buddy callin' for me..." it was silent, "But it was nice meeting you both." he nodded his head towards you both.

Joel nodded and chuckled lightly, “Nice to meet ya… Dan was it?” he smirked knowing he was making him uncomfortable. 

Danny chuckled and nodded frantically, “Sure… yeah. Well have a good night.” he gathered his shoes and quickly made it out walking towards his room.

You chuckled looking at your book, starting to finally read again now that you felt safe, “You’re horrible, Miller…” 

Joel chuckled and turned towards you, leaning down to kiss your temple then cheek, humming, “Just making sure he knew what’s mine and who I was, that’s all…” he smirked seeing you blush. 

You smiled, “Why are you out here? You and Sarah seemed fine when I left…” You kept reading the page you were on but kept some of your attention to Joel.

“I have a hard time sleepin’ without you next to me…” he softly said, looking over his shoulder to make sure Danny left and there wouldn’t be any trouble. 

You hummed and smiled moving the book for a moment to kiss his cheek.

After a moment, he stood and started to take off his shirt and pants, leaving him completely bare aside from his boxers before he walked into the water. 

“Your note said you were too hot…” he swam up to you and floated in front of you, “How about you join me? It’s nice and cool in here…” he kissed your knee softly. 

You looked down at him and smirked, “Are you skinny dippin', Joel Miller, or did you leave boxers on?” you couldn’t tell from the angle you were at. 

He smirked, “I can gladly remove ‘em if it gets you to skinny dip with me darlin’…” 

You chuckled put your book down beside you and smiled down at him, “10 minutes then we're out and dressed in case we get caught…” You bit your lip and blushed. 

He pushed himself up from the edge and captured his lips onto yours, gently kissing you, before pulling back and nodding his head, “Strip.” he commanded. 

You turned a darker shade of red and then got up to put your book on a lounge chair, then stripped and covered your breasts with one arm and groin area with your other hand as you ran to get into the water. 

Joel removed his boxers and set them on the side of the pool then dunked his head under the water completely before slicking his hair back and swimming over to you. 

You stepped into the water and smiled feeling the water wasn’t completely freezing, humming softly “Slightly heated I see…” you dove your head down and begin to swim deeper into the pool. 

Joel nodded and chuckled watching you, seeing where you were going. 

After a few seconds, you popped up in the deeper end, slicking your hair back, softly gasping for air. 

“Did I ever tell you I swam for sport when I was younger?” he smiled. 

You shook your head, “Wait like swimming laps?” 

He nodded and smiled, “Exactly. Was pretty good at it too…” he said before he did as you did and dove down to swim towards you. 

You inhaled to hold a breath then sunk into the water to watch him swim towards you, you waved at him. 

You let out a giggle seeing him wave back and blow a kiss at you underwater before coming to the surface and gasping for air softly then looked down at the water to see him swim up to you and then breach the water in front of you and grin, “Come ‘ere you…” he gently grabbed onto your waist and pulled you close to him. 

You wrapped your legs around his torso and arms around his neck as he held you as you both floated. 

You smiled and played with his hair to slick it back, softly humming then smirking as you looked at him as you played with some curls at the base of his neck, “I seem to remember that the thought of me being wrapped around you in the water made you do some pretty naughty things in a specific boat’s bathroom cowboy…” 

He lightly nibbled on your jawline, growling, “You are correct my love…” his hands wandered between your bodies and he pressed his thumb against your clit, slowly drawing circles, “You wanna help me make my fantasy become reality?” he moved to suck on your neck softly. 

You gasped and let out a moan as you felt his thumb stimulate you, you felt like you melted with how slowly he was building you up, “Why don’t you describe to me what that fantasy was cowboy?” 

He nipped your earlobe with his teeth lightly and groaned, “I wanted to feel every inch of you while you wrapped around me… kissing your sweet lips…”

You moved your head back a little and cupped his cheek, “These sweet lips?” you leaned in slowly and kissed him deeply and slowly, slowly tangling your fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to you. 

His hands were everywhere, touching your waist, grabbing the meat of your ass and thighs. They’d carefully trial up your back and sides like he was afraid he might break you if he was too rough, continuing to kiss you passionately and deeply. 

You started to feel him rock your hips as you felt his cock begin to harden up against you. He mumbled against your lips, “Wanna mark you up baby, wanna claim you right here…” he said as he feverishly kissed your lips, slowly moving to you were pressed up against the side of the pool and him. 

He moved his lips to start marking up your neck, sucking small love bites into your skin. 

You moaned softly and ran your fingers through his hair, slicking it back as he did this, grinning, “Danny got under your skin I see…” 

He growled and pulled back a little, “Talkin’ to you when you have a ring on your finger…” he hovered against your lips, moving his hand down to line up his cock at your entrance, “Now that’s downright disrespectful talkin’ to a man’s wife like he was…” he panted and grunted feeling his tip sink into you. 

You gasped and moaned, “Mmm fuck... you mean someone’s fiancé?” you teased. 

He smirked, “When someone’s flirtin’ with you like that, you’re my wife…” he said as he sunk deeper into you and groaned looking into your eyes and watching your reaction. 

Your jaw dropped and you could feel the air start to leave your lungs as he filled you so tightly, nodding, saying with a hoarse whisper, “I’m your wife…” you put your forehead against him and moaned softly. 

“I didn’t get you a dainty small ring for a reason…” he whispered, groaning as he bottomed out, feeling himself completely fill you up, “I got this ring to make a statement…” he started to pump back and forth, slowly, “…to show every other man that you’re mine.” he gripped onto your waist with one hand and cupped his other hand on your cheek, lightly gliding his thumb over your bottom lip as he thrusts up into you, watching your lips part for him. 

You moaned and lightly gripped his hair and shoulder, grinning as you felt his thumb on your lips, leaning forward just a tad, taking his thumb in your warm mouth, sucking on it as you moaned. 

His eyes turned dark and he twitched inside you, making your eyes roll back into your head and pussy tighten around him. 

“Oh fuck baby… that’s hot…” he growled and started thrusting up into you a little faster, holding onto your hip, to keep you as tight down on him as possible, hitting your cervix over and over. 

You tightened your legs around him and moaned louder against his finger, panting quickly feeling yourself about to come undone. 

He moaned and grunted feeling himself close, “Can you cum for my baby? I need you to cum for me…” he pleaded pulling his thumb out of your mouth, “What do you need?” he groaned feeling you tighten around him. 

You panted as you moaned softly, then cupped his cheek, “Kiss me…” you whispered then pulled his lips to yours, kissing his lips deeply and passionately, moving your hips with his as he continued to thrust up into you deeply, needing more friction. 

He put his hands on your hips and panted heavily as his lips crashed over yours, feeling a deep pull in his navel. 

You pulled away from his lips and stalled your hips as you came undone, fluttering around him, tightening your legs around his hips, moaning and leaning your head back against the wall, feeling waves of pleasure crash over you. 

He clenched his jaw and within moments of you tightening around him spilled into you, grunting and panting as he kissed anywhere his lips could touch; neck, jaw, cheeks, he was everywhere.

You chuckled as your head leaned against the wall and panted softly, humming, “I should let more men flirt with me if that’s the side of you I’m gonna get…” you teased.

Joel softly nipped your jaw and moved his hands up your body, groaning softly as he pulled out of you, “Nuh-uh… you’re all mine.” he smirked as he kissed your throat softly, “All mine…” he leaned up and connected your lips with his, kissing you deeply, holding you up against him. 

You two returned to the room without being caught in the pool or Sarah waking up about 15 minutes later. 

In the morning Joel’s alarm went off around 7 am. You all got up with some groaning and moaning, still tired but got showered and ready then left within the hour, grabbing breakfast on the way. 

A little over 6 hours later you ended up in Mesa Verde National Park, driving to Cliff Palace. Sarah finally felt excited about something since driving up to this point was quite boring for her. 

You all went and saw the cliff palace, Sarah took a bunch of photos with her phone, you had your camera out and were taking photos of not only the landmark but taking candid photos of people around you as well as Sarah and Joel. 

Joel found you focused on taking a photo of an older couple holding hands as they watched the landscape together, it was a sweet sight to see, they both saw new things and enjoyed each other’s company. He snapped a photo of his phone of you in your element.

Once you were done outside, Sarah begged to go inside to see the museum they had in a building nearby to which you all three went in and finished within a half hour. 

Sarah got into the truck as you were leaving and leaned forward between the two seats, “How long is it to the next stop?” she asked nervously, not wanting to be in the car longer than she had already been in the last 24 hours. 

Joel looked at her from his mirror and chuckled, “Moab is only a 3-hour drive baby girl… I promise from here on it shouldn’t be so boring.” 

She smiled and nodded then pulled out the DVD player, putting on a movie for herself. 

You pulled out your camera and started looking through the photos you had taken, mentally marking which ones you may want to edit when you got to the hotel before you fell asleep against the window, feeling the sun warming you up as he drove for the last couple hours. 

—

Almost 2 hours later Joel leaned over and kissed your cheek, “Hey, we’re here…” You opened your eyes to see you were starting to drive through Arches National Park after he paid a park ranger for entrance.  

You sat up and smiled, eyes wide at its beauty, “Holy shit…” you rolled down the window and grabbed your camera, starting to snap photos of things as you drove by. 

Sarah rolled down the window and looked at Joel, “Can I stick my head out a little?” 

Joel looked back and saw there wasn’t any traffic behind them, “Yes but be careful…” he chuckled. 

She stuck her head out and you turned and took photos of her laughing, and smiling, the red rock in the background.

You giggled and then turned in your seat and took photos of Joel, “Give me a smile, cowboy…” you smiled at him.

Joel looked at you and smiled as you took a few shots before putting his eyes back onto the road, putting his hand on your thigh, feeling utterly happy in this moment with the two most important people in his life.

You looked ahead and saw you were heading into a tunnel, you giggled and looked at Joel, “Roll down your window baby…” he looked at you a little confused, and you nodded, smiling encouragingly. 

He rolled it down then you stuck your head out of the window as you entered the tunnel and yelled, “Woohoo!” letting it echo down the tunnel. 

Sarah realized what you did and yelled as well and giggled.

Joel let out a loud whistle and shouted as well before chuckling to himself at how ridiculous this all could have sounded to the people in front of you.

The echo was filled with sounds of you and your family’s utter pure joy.

To you, this was the best sound in the world.

Previous chapter - Next chapter

a/n: this will be a three-part chapter i think instead of two, there are certain elements I want in the next chapter/part of this trip but don’t want to over wash it so just warning ya’ll there may be an extra chapter

taglist:  @sarahhxx03, @blahkateisdone, @sunnytuliptime, @pedroscurls, @docharleythegeekqueen @pedritosgirl2000 @fancyyoouu @greendudenumber7

[sykesandskittles]

CHAPTER 13

Harlow

I’M SHAKING when I sprint into my residence hall and up the staircase. I can't get away from Noah fast enough. My heart is still pounding as I make my way up the stairs. This shit with him is too much. I just want to be left alone and fade into the wallpaper, but he’s making that impossible.

And then there’s this shit with Talia . She seemed a bit down this morning when I saw her, and it occurs to me she might have intentionally fallen off the map for a while. She’s done this before. Once, when we were sixteen, and she’d just broken up with her boyfriend, she ran off for two days. Turns out, she was crashing in her cousin’s basement and had sworn that cousin to secrecy. And she did go back home eventually.

But what could have happened in the last day or two to make her want to go off-grid? It’s possible, I guess, but still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Before going to my room, I head to Talia ’s room and knock on her door. It’s late, and I feel bad for disturbing Talia 's roommate, but I have to see if she popped up at some point.

I hear rustling on the other side of the door a few seconds before it’s pulled open. My heart leaps into my throat, and I pray it’s Talia on the other side, in her pajamas, looking annoyed.

It isn’t.

“What’s up?” Talia 's roommate asks, bleary-eyed like I just woke her up from a dead sleep.

I try to peer over her shoulder at Talia 's bed, but it’s pitch black inside the room. “Hey, sorry to wake you. I know it’s late. Did Talia make it home?”

She glances at the bed behind her and shakes her head. “Doesn’t look like it.”

My heart sinks. “Did she mention where she was going, or if she was planning on staying somewhere else tonight?”

She blinks at me like she’s trying to clear the sleep fog from her brain. “Shouldn’t you know? Aren’t you her best friend?” She doesn’t sound accusatory, just genuinely bewildered by my question.

I push out a breath. “If you see her, tell her to come see me. Doesn’t matter what time it is.” I pull her phone out of my pocket and hold it up. “And tell her I have her phone.”

The roommate holds her hand out. “You want me to give it to her?” “No, thanks. I’ll give it to her when I see her.”

If Talia is deliberately avoiding me, then I want a reason for her to come see me. And I know she can’t live without her phone. She’ll come looking for it sooner or later.

The roommate's hand falls to her side, and she’s already shutting the door. “Okay, cool. I’ll tell her you came by. ”

“Thanks,” I say just as the door clicks shut.

As I walk to my room, my stomach tightens, and I start to feel sick. If I don’t see the whites of Talia 's eyes by tomorrow, I’m going to the police. Period. I can’t do this on my own, and I now I know I can’t count on Noah’s help–he’s so damn unpredictable, I don’t know from one minute to the next what mood he’ll be in. Besides, his help comes with strings–strings that look a lot like chains.

I unlock and open my door quietly, so I don’t wake up Emily, but she’s not here. She must still be at the sorority party. I strip my clothes off and find my sweatpants. I don’t even bother brushing my teeth or washing my

face. I just crawl under my covers, and lie there, staring up into the darkness.

My mind immediately wanders to Talia —wondering if she’s safe, wondering if she’s okay—but I push those thoughts aside. Worrying going to help anything, and honestly, it’s just as likely she’s sleeping off a bender on someone’s couch. I mean, that’s what college is about, right? Making questionable decisions.

My thoughts shift to Noah. He’s such a mystery—and despite the serious ick his personality is giving me, I can’t help but be curious about him. He’s like a puzzle I’m itching to piece together.

I’d be better off not knowing what makes him tick, and just walking away—which, to be fair, is what I’ve been trying to do since the second I met him. Maybe I just need to try harder and be more forceful.

The guy is determined, though, and maybe that’s part of the appeal for me. His relentless pursuit. God knows I have a weakness for that quality in a guy. And look where that got me. Some serious emotional trauma, and hundreds of hours of therapy. Not to mention a seriously fucked up view of Noahtic relationships.

I manage to get a few hours of sleep, somehow, and when I wake up, my roommate is already gone, her bed made. Damn, I must have been dead to the world when she came back last night. And I know she came back because her computer and backpack are gone.

Sitting up, I rub the sleep from my eyes. My head hurts, like I’m hungover. I didn’t drink nearly enough to be truly hung over, so it must be from all the stress about Talia , and Noah, and just…everything.

I fish my phone out from under my covers and unlock it. No text from Talia . Though I don’t know how she’s supposed to text me without her phone—I don’t even know if she knows my phone number by heart.

I stick my phone on the charger while I hurriedly get ready, going down the hall to brush my teeth and take care of all my bathroom stuff in record time. Back in my room, I throw on some jeans and a T-shirt and put on some deodorant.

I grab my phone, Talia 's phone, and my backpack, then fly out the door. But I don’t go to my first class. Instead, I head straight to Talia ’s room. No answer. My next stop is the student services building. Inside the registrar’s office, a middle-aged woman is sitting at a desk, and I walk straight up to her.

“Hi, excuse me.” She looks up from her computer with a smile, and I continue, “I’m looking for my friend, but I don’t have her schedule. Can you tell me which classes she has today?”

I obviously know her major, but we hadn’t yet shared our schedules with each other. I could call her mom and ask if she knows, but I don’t want to worry her parents. It’s better if I just handle this myself, for now.

The woman’s smile falls. “I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to share another student’s schedule. Is everything okay?”

“It’s just….she didn’t come back to her dorm room last night,” I say. “And I was hoping to find her in one of her classes.”

The woman shakes her head. “Sorry, I can’t help you. Is she an undergrad?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you talked to the Undergraduate Dean?”

I shake my head. “No, not yet. This was my first stop.”

“Okay, well, try that route first. If she needs access to your friend’s schedule, then we can pull it up at that point.”

I flash her a tight smile. “Okay, thanks.”

But as I’m walking out of the registrar’s office, I wonder if Noah could have gotten her to bend the rules and give him that schedule. Maybe I should have name-dropped him? He has an unbelievable amount of influence and power over the student body, but does it extend to the staff, too?

Outside the student services building, I pull my phone out of my pocket and stare down at it. I have Noah’s number. Shit ended badly between us last night, but he might still help me.

I suck in a breath and mentally shake myself. No. I’ll handle this through the proper channels. I’ll go to the Undergraduate Dean, or campus security, and see if they can help me.

My phone pings and I glance down at the screen. It’s Noah. Of course, it is .

Campus coffee shop. Five minutes.

It’s not even a question or a request. It’s a demand. Fucking asshole. I shove my phone into my back pocket without responding. Noah can go fuck

himself.

I head over to the Undergraduate Dean’s office to talk to her about Talia

, but she’s not in her office, so I end up having to leave a message with her assistant. I try to convey the urgency of the situation, but the assistant doesn’t look overly concerned. Still, she assures me Ms. Ramirez will get back to me as soon as she’s back in the office. I have my doubts, but I thank the assistant anyway.

My next stop is the campus security office. Again, I explain everything

—Talia acting weird, not texting me back, her phone found in the sand, and the security guy writes it all down, then adds the paper to a pile on the corner of his desk.

I blink at him. “So what happens now? Are you guys going to look for her? Ask around?”

He folds his hands in front of him. “Listen, students go missing all the time—they get stressed, and disappear for a couple of days. I’m sure she’ll be back. But in the meantime, I’ll get your note over to the head of security, and he’ll be in touch.”

That’s it. No sense of concern. No urgency. Just…we’ll be in touch. Wow.

Feeling defeated, I don’t know what else to do but head to my next class, and just pray someone calls me back. I’m five minutes early and find a seat near the door. As I’m pulling my laptop out of my backpack, someone slips into the empty chair next to me. I recognize the scent instantly. That fresh, masculine smell that can only be Noah Sabastian .

When I look up, he’s staring down at me, an amused smile stretched across his beautiful face. “Ignoring me, Little Rabbit?”

Fuckity-fuck-fuck. I should have known he would show up here, to my class. Following me around is his thing, apparently.

I put my laptop on the cracker-sized table in front of me, and push out a frustrated breath. “I thought I was clear last night. Stay. Away. From. Me.”

He ignores my statement, as usual. “I heard you were over at the student services building.”

For fuck’s sake.

I roll my eyes. “Let me guess, you have spies everywhere.” His smile broadens. “How’d you guess?”

I shrug one shoulder and open my laptop. “Having me followed is peak villain energy.”

“I don’t need to have you followed–I have people crawling over this campus.”

“Great,” I say with a frustrated breath. There’s no sense getting into all of this with him. “Why don’t you just tell me what the hell you want so you can leave?”

He leans across his micro-desk, and I swear to God, my heart actually skips a beat…or three. His intoxicating scent wraps around me, and I can’t help it, I suck in a deep breath. “Oh, baby,” he whispers with that devilish smile. “I love it when you play hard to get.”

This guy takes every ounce of patience I have.

“I literally hate you,” I say flatly, logging into my laptop, trying my best not to look at him. “Leave now, or I swear to God…”

From my periphery, I see him hold up a folded piece of paper. “You want me to leave? Really? Because…I have something you want.”

If he mentions his dick, I swear I’m going to punch him right in that perfectly sculpted jaw and take whatever consequences come. I’m so over this hyper-masculine show he puts on for everyone. It’s gotten really old, really fast.

I turn my head toward him slowly. “I highly doubt that.”

“Oh.” He pulls back, that cocky smile still on his face. “Okay, so you don’t want this class schedule for…” He unfolds the paper and glances down at it, reading. “...Miss Breanna Langley.”

The fuck?

I try to take it out of his hand, but he’s quick, and snatches it away, holding it just out of my reach. “Ah, ah. You want this, you come with me.”

I swallow and glance up at the front of the class, where the professor is unpacking his laptop. He has his back turned away from us.

“I can’t, I have class,” I say, hoping he’ll take pity on me, and just give me the schedule.

Noah turns his attention to the professor. “Yo, Prof.” To my amazement, the professor straightens and turns around to face us. “I need to borrow Harlow . Email her the class notes for today, yeah?”

The professor doesn’t even look bothered. “Sure thing, Noah. Say hi to your dad for me.”

“Cool.” Noah turns back to me with a self-satisfied smile. “Fixed.

Let’s go.”

The entire class is watching us at this point, including the professor, so I shove my laptop back into my backpack and stand up, sheepishly squeezing past a couple of people to get to the door with Noah right behind me.

Once we’re out in the hallway, and out of earshot of the class, I whirl on Noah. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have everyone in your fucking pocket?

He shrugs one shoulder. “My dad pays Professor Birk’s salary.” I blink. “What?”

“Well, I mean, not directly. My dad funds the grant that pays his salary.

Same difference.”

“Good God,” I breathe, exasperated. “Is nowhere safe around here?”

He leans against the wall, all casual strength. “I told you I own this university. I wasn’t exaggerating.”

I lift my arms, then let them fall in defeat. “Okay, here I am. You have me. Can I have the schedule now?”

“Coffee,” he says. “Everyone needs to see us.”

Welp, now I have nothing else to do. I might as well let him buy me a coffee. “Fine. This doesn’t mean you’ve won, though. I just like coffee.”

“Sure,” he laughs, and that laugh makes me want to punch him in that beautiful face. “Whatever you say.”

When we get to the campus coffee shop, it’s crowded, but our table is vacant, and already laden with pastries. It’s a little over the top, honestly, but I didn’t eat breakfast, so I’m not complaining. I grab a croissant and sit down.

Not three seconds later, someone brings lattes in mugs to our table. “I hadn’t even ordered yet,” I say between bites.

Noah just shrugs and watches as I finish off my croissant in two bites, then immediately tuck into a cheese Danish. He looks amused by my gluttony.

“I’ve informed food services that all your meals are to be charged to my account.” He pauses like I’m supposed to thank him or something, but I just blink at him instead.

“So, what, is this the treatment you give all your girls? Free meals and an excuse to ditch class?”

He’s watching me closely, and it makes me twitch a little. “Among other things.”

I hold out my Danish-free hand. “Well, I’m here, having coffee with you

—against my will, I might add. Hand over the schedule.”

He hands it over without an argument, thankfully. At least, he keeps his word. One very small point in his favor. I open the schedule and make note of her next class. “Three o’clock,” I say. “That’s her next class. Edmund West building.”

“Great,” Noah says dismissively like he doesn’t give a damn. And I guess he wouldn’t. Talia isn’t his friend, so why would he care? Whatever. I’m just glad I got Talia 's schedule.

What this does prove, though, is that finding Talia will be a whole harder without Noah’s help. So, fuck, I guess I need to play along with this consort shit for a while.

Still, it doesn’t mean I need to hang out with him for any longer than is necessary, so I suck my coffee down as quickly as possible .

Noah is leaning back casually, his arm slung over the chair next to him, watching me intently. And if I didn’t know better, I’d think he hated me. The look on his face is pure contempt, the edges of his lips curled up, his brows pinched. But a second later, it’s gone, replaced by that cold indifference I’ve come to know so well.

“There’s a get-together tonight. I want you there,” he says evenly. He hasn’t touched his coffee or the pastries, and I wonder why. Maybe he already ate? But then why invite me to what amounts to an entire continental breakfast buffet? I mean, damn, everything on this small table could feed at least fifteen people.

I take another sip of my coffee. “I’ll have to check my schedule,” I say evasively. I have to play nice with this guy, for now, but that doesn’t mean I have to be his puppet.

Besides, shit might be going on with Talia that I need to be available for. I mean, hopefully, she’s fine and just hungover somewhere, but…I have no real idea, so I don’t want to make any promises.

“I want you there,” he says flatly, another command.

Everything in me wants to get up from the table and tell him to fuck off, but he was able to get his hands on Talia 's schedule when I was told that it was impossible just minutes before. He has the connections I need.

I smile tightly. “Where?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “I’ll pick you up.”

I push out a breath–and search my brain for any possible excuse I can throw out there that he would accept. But, I’ve got nothing. “What time?”

“Eight.” He pushes back from the table and stands. “In the meantime, don’t go to the police about your friend. That would be a bad idea.”

I don’t even have a chance to ask him why, because he’s already out the door. He just left me here alone at the table, so I do what any starving

student would do, I flag down a barista and ask for baggies to go—then I pack all that shit up and head back to my dorm room.

But the whole time I’m walking, one question keeps circling in my mind like a record on a turntable—why shouldn’t I go to the police about Talia ? What does Noah know that he’s not telling me?

[the-stove-is-divorced]

Remembering I can draw fanart for my own fics, SO BEHOLD! The most mentally sound halves of a fusion imaginable! Technically a redraw of art I did way earlier for the same fic! Flexing my art muscles and thinking about these two is good for the soul. Love them. Bastards to write though. I can't wait to write them fused back together, but we're not here yet and it's AGONY.

[puppyudderly-dreamy]

idk i do like hearing peoples perspectives and arguments about transfeminism, but i believe what i believe about it because the arguments for it are effective and the evidence we have supports their conclusions. yea they also help me conceptualize events in my life through a transfeminist lens but that is what theoretical frameworks are For, they begin with the evidence and describe the experience.

i think semantic arguments and talk of empty unity and dismissing through sexualization are just as much tactics of argumentation and to me they're are highly ineffective in doing anything but making the people using them look good to an uninformed observer. its the reason we say a lot that some people here have a "vibes based politics" because it's clear from their arguments and rhetoric that they think of these arguments as a way to display an image rather than to actually have a discussion.

thats why im pissy and get upset and block people, they're just wasting peoples time for their own egos rather engaging with any of these concepts or acknowledging that what they know might not be totalizing. the desperation to have a perfect unsullied and intelligent image is why posts like mine pointing out a subtle dogwhistle will get backlash that amounts to telling me i'm making it up. i am communicating to them that there is a piece of knowledge that they might not have considered or even known is offensive to them so they reach for reactionary defenses instead of treating the trans woman in front of them like a person

[persephoneflouwers]

I sometimes wonder how much Louis is able to withstand. It’s a lot of heartbreak in a short amount of time. I got to thinking about this when I’ve been catching up on old 1D footage and even after 1D ended how they really supported each other.

A couple of things that are like daggers to the heart… that hug they shared at the last show. I know we all focused on the Larry hug but with some of these videos & tik toks people are sharing on Twitter, I really saw the Lilo hug. I teared up. They were so close even with the band ending. And then I think of Liam wearing Louis’ merch. Ugh I teared up again. Louis defending Liam on that radio show, teared up again. These darn lilo compilations lol. It’s just minutes of pure emotion. I feel like Louis once again lost such a big part of his support system that he and we thought he’d have for many years to come. Oh and the “I thought we’d share the same stage again but it wasn’t meant to be” part. And how Liam said that Louis would purposely start these water fights to make Liam smile and be like a kid again.

To see how he was publicly grieving by posting not only his statement but the pictures he posted of the 2 of them and then also posting his latest song to encourage people to stream it. It just kills me to see Louis be the next big target online. The amount of hate & wishes of harm on him so soon after Liam’s passing is gross. I hope Louis stays far away from social media and just concentrates on himself during this difficult time.

Oh, that was a bit soul cleansing lol. Sorry to bring up all of this, things just really got to me yesterday. I hope everyone can take steps to heal, I guess I realized my process might be a little longer ❤️‍🩹 Take care!

🫂

[thekimspoblog]

Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"

Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"

Demon: "You're a bad writer"

Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"

Demon: "You're a bad leader"

Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"

[touchd0wn-boy]

[crehador]

parting thoughts on kawagoe boys sing (sort of)

there's still one unaired episode but since it doesn't have a solid release date yet i'll jot some thoughts down now before i forget everything

first of all THERE IS A TGIRL IN THIS BOYS CHOIR CLUB sadly no it is not made explicit but it is so evident, and shizuo's whole character arc was just a delight to see

unfortunately that also kind of highlights the one thing i found a bit lacking here, which is just not all the choir kids got a particularly deep/involved story. and that i suspect is just to do with the fact that the pacing is a bit wonky at best

nearly half the season (which amounts to half the series) is devoted to bringing on the choir members one (or two) at a time (mostly By Force), and the rest speeds them straight through to nationals, introducing a few (like very few) rivals along the way

that's really not enough time to dive into every character, and while sure all club anime have main characters and less-main characters, it would have been nice imo to see more personal stories here (i would've especially loved to see more with magic and hakase)

it's also very silly, like very silly, and "Not Good" in a typical sense. which understandably might be deal breakers for a lot of viewers. but personally it's silly in a way i love, and i even got way more invested in this team than i thought i would

the other potential deal breaker, the asshole in the room, is of course the pseudo-teacher who's putting this club together and leading them to nationals. haruo is... what is that one cat meme? it's not that he's evil, he lacks empathy and goes into a dissociative state and commits atrocities?

haruo's something like that except it's more like he lacks empathy and any sense whatsoever of social awareness, and if he's unbearable to you... this is not going to be a pleasant show to watch. BUT if you think he's funny as hell (which i do) then he really adds to the zaniness of the series in a good way

anyway the tl;dr is yeah, okay, admittedly this is not a Good show but it is exceptionally fun to me

also? STREAM

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

anyway back to thinking about fionna and cake for the night because simon compels me

[weisscreamcake]

former coworker/friend hasn’t talked to me since i posted on ig saying if you voted trump delete me and never speak to me again which. hmm.

[interstellarvacuumcleaner]

the electric wiring in houses usually consists of phase and the neutral wire, my guys, don't forget about neutral wire

[giraffeter]

I often see posts about curating your own online experience that make the point, “content creators aren’t your parents.” And, yes, that is absolutely true! And I try not to be like “as a parent,“ but as a parent…

EVEN PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO ENCOURAGE RESPONSIBLE READING/VIEWING BEHAVIOR. NOT filter everything ahead of time for their kid.

When my kiddo was 5, his pediatrician was asking him the usual Well Child Visit questions (“What are your favorite foods? What do you do to get your body moving? Do you know what to do if you get lost in a public place?” Etc.) and she asked, “What do you do if you see something on TV that scares or upsets you?”

I piped up like, “Oh, he doesn’t watch TV without one of us in the room,” which was true at the time and is still largely true now. She said, “Yes, but that won’t always be the case, so make sure you’re talking to him about what to do if he sees something that upsets him.”

So we started talking to him about that, and the answer is simple: “Turn it off or leave the room, and talk to someone you trust about what you saw and what you’re feeling.”

The answer is NOT “Ask your parents to make sure you never see anything upsetting again,” because that’s just not possible — and ultimately that would be doing the kid a disservice, since sooner or later he’s going to be out in the world where we can’t control what he watches or reads. That doesn’t mean we don’t try to make sure he’s watching/reading age-appropriate stuff, it just means that’s not the only safeguard he has — and that’s a good thing.

So yes, content creators aren’t your parents and aren’t responsible for making sure you never see anything you don’t like — but also, your own parents should have taught you what to do when that happens. So if they didn’t, take it from me, your internet mom:

Turn it off.

Walk away.

Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling.

And leave the person who created the thing that upset you alone.

[racke7]

So. I was going to go to bed, when I spotted a certain stream-announcement an hour away. So I delayed my sleep because, you know, that's... quite something.

Thoughts on the announcement.

The only reason given was a very blunt and not-elaborated-on "disagreement with management" which sounds... complicated?

Makes me wonder if there's some kind of restructuring happening internally, for four people to independently decide to take the leap in seemingly quick succession (possibly as a way to get away from this, more than as a "path of new opportunity").

[blueskrugs]

sully stans dni