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lightlycareless · 2 years ago

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chapter 30 has me CLIMBING the WALLS

the visceral uncomfortableness of a dead silent car ride with these two,,,, i can not even begin to imagine it. the tension in there was so heavy and so dense i’m shocked it didnt make a black hole

first thought when naoya took a suddenly different turn on the street was “oh so we’re getting murdered in an alleyway??? left to die??” he does not come off with good vibes for himself at ALL. luckily its just for more doctors appointments. deeply sorry to every individual that had to be around these twos painfully obvious rift

EVERYTIME NAOYA TRIED TO TALK TO HER… i know hes done nothing to properly redeem himself but ohmygod i can feel the awkward pains. kudos to him for not just like bursting into tears in the elevator when she turned away. i would’ve been a mess.

i’m gonna THROTTLE this doctor (also y/n girl i get the frustration but what did you WANT him to SAY for you on the cheating question,,, if he speaks over you to answer i know you aren’t going to like that either he can NOT win this one,,,) - and also the one time naoya pulls himself together to assist by showing the ultrasound that gets just shot down as well. we are on a losing battle. naoya stans stay losing 😔

incredible balls to try for the “wanna get something to eat?” a SECOND time. that play failed MISERABLY last time and its already been a string of horrible events today but lets GO king!!🗣️💯🔥give us nothing!! 🔥🔥❗️💯

concluding- naoya has been exuding CRITICAL levels of shaking chihuahua and cringefail energy ft. y/n desperately trying to Hold It Together. exquisite chapter. looking forward to the next as always

AUGHAUAH I ALREADY SENT A CHAPTER 30 ASK BUT I REREAD IT THIS MORNING N WENT BACK OVER THE “test her condition” PART- not sure how i left this outta the last one that had me so fried

but am i hallucinating or is naoya… also hesitant about that? i know that its just two words “Naoya swallows” but it SOUNDS like he’s got just. the barest hint. the barest idea that perhaps,,, maybe,, that would be a bad thing to do. now if he knows the WHY of why it would be bad is a completely different question, but it at least reads as if he faintly understands he should NOT do that again.

(feel free to just like. screenshot this and throw it in w the bigger one lmaoo i still can’t believe i left this out its huge)

Hello!!!!

HAHAHAH I’m glad you’re suffering, I mean, enjoying the latest update 😊 Also, don't worry about the asks hehe you can send in as many as you want! I looooooove reading and answering them 🥺❤

Now, Imagine if someone decided to accompany them? I don’t know, like Ranta. I think the poor boy would’ve been like “omg… Naoya really has no chance” lol OR WORSE, NAOAKI FOR SURE Y/N WOULD’VE IGNORED NAOYA EVER MORE HAHAHA

“Y/N” Naoya calls “Is there something you’d like to—”

“Naoaki, look! There’s snow on the mountains! No wonder it’s so cold, guess we'll need more than a few blankets tonight”

Naoaki: 😳

Naoya cries, mind going on and on about what did Y/N mean with “we’ll” before remembering the night he saw him leave her chambers.

And I’m pretty sure that’s what Y/N thought too when they headed somewhere else lol she has long accepted that nothing good will come from him (but she didn’t expect it to happen so soon!!! She feared Hitomi and Haruko were going to be like GODDAMN IT I TOLD YOU TO NOT GO. Also, wasn't Naobito in charge of that!!?!?!) but thank God it was just him doing (1) of his many commitments towards Y/N, which considering whom they came from, mean nothing.

I’d hate to be the person attending them :s luckily… we’ll have something of that perspective next chapter (if I don’t discard it 🤭)

The worst part of Naoya’s continuous failing attempts would definitely have to be the way Y/N just turned away hahahah I was like DAMN girl, even if she was somewhat afraid of doing anything because of his outburst she really did that. And Naoya took it lmao straight to the heart. Good.

As for Naoya crying… heh. 😊 I just realized we haven’t seen him do that… interesting, I think you might like that one chapter.

The whole doctor thing was just awful. He was really out there, jabbing at anyone he could 😳 I’m surprised he didn’t kick it up a notch and slander Toji too. Though I think Naobito was like ��No, Naoya is sensitive and he might actually kill you so chill, I still have use for you” lol

I’ll still defend Y/N by saying she hasn’t cheated on Naoya but…. I mean, the emotional department… that’s long gone hahahahahahahahahahhahahaahhahahaha Still, wtf is this man going over and over about that particular topic? Like, we get it. You want to know. Ok, sure, maybe she’s gotten something but these two for sure haven’t so NEXT. Shouldn't we be talking about Naoya in that sense???

As for the ultrasound part, I actually was like “huh, impressive Naoya decided to actually stand up and do something” maybe to get his money’s worth, or probably to reveal “WHAT THE HELL DO THESE THINGS MEAN????? IS THERE A BABY THERE OR NOT” get outta here... and how he reacted to the rest of the procedures I was just like yep, there he is... usual Naoya.

This man is grasping at straws at this point, inviting her out to eat was the evidence of that lol. If Y/N was a bit more… assertive and fearless, she would’ve been like “are you serious right now? You want me to get sentenced to death again? Sir, I only have one life, GOODBYE”

As for the “test her condition”… it’s the doctor instigating Y/N and Naoya again with Naoaki lol. I don’t know what this man is thinking, seriously. Probably that Y/N was abstaining to do the deed in a more pleasurable way 🤮and the way he was disappointed that there was no heartbeat or a fetus in there wtf lol.

Naoya is hesitant because of Naoaki more than anything, as well as the fact that he can’t get near Y/N at all, his father’s conditions for her survival looming in the back of his mind.

If it helps to give some peace of mind, Naoya does not have it in him to force himself on Y/N again, at least… not now. Because he knows if he crosses that line again, she’ll definitely run towards Naoaki and never leave, and his marriage is DONE. GONE. (can’t be a good person just cause, eh??)

Both characters are on a really tight spot, but I guess in an emotional distress Naoya is in the worse position as of right now. (Y/N is used to it in a way, while he’s barely comprehending what’s going on around him, he's got a whoooole world of turmoil to comprehend, and more to come lmao)

But as you said, we're out here cheering for Naoya lmao!!! Indeed, go give us nothing 😂😂 And the way you described Naoya as a chihuahua... lmao, couldn't be more accurate.

I'm so glad you like this chapter!! It gets me excited for the rest which I cannot wait to show :> !!!!!

Once again, thank you so much for tuning in for another update ❤ also, if there's more things you wish to know or just share my askbox is always open 🤭I looooooooove reading your comments ngl 😭 it often provides me perspectives I fail to see, thank you so much 🥺❤

I hope you have a wonderful week, take care, and hope to see you soon!!!

#ask #ask series: first it hurts—#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x your #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader

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septimore · 3 years ago

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I dont wanna talk about it yet

Rant tw death

Back at the end of January my gma passed and we from an aneurism that shed had for years. We all knew that was gonna be the thing that got her, it's the thing that got her father too. So the whole family was prepared and she had funeral arrangements sense the 80s. But it was the 1st time someone I knew died. 2 days later my bfs brother brings up his moms 14 year old dog because she had to move out of her house and into an apartment and had too many pets. This dog was my bfs dog when he still lived at her house

I really funneled my grief into nurturing this old deaf dog and making sure she was comfortable. We took her to the vet over the last 3 months and got her cauliflower ears- not quite fixed- but better and she could hear the air kicking on and she could hear cars passing by. About a week and a half ago we asked the vet if we could put her on arthritis meds, and that really helped her. But the last 2 weeks, right before we put her on meds she wasnt really eating much, still drinking water tho.

And we were putting little pads down because she was having problems going down stairs to pee. The day before yesterday she pooped in the house and when o went to pick it up it was black. Google says that's blood in the upper digestive system and the vet was closed so yesterday morning I had my bf call the vet and ask if we needed to take her in or take her of the meds or.... what was going on. Our vet was at another animal hospital for a few days and the vet tech scheduled us to take her there today at 10.

Our dog also was kinda staring off into space and zoning out alot and breathing kinda hard starting the day before yesterday. So I was waking up every hour last night and checking on her, and she was dozing in and out but still not breathing easy, this morning I woke up and we had an hour before her appointment and I was petting her to calm her down and she died while I was petting her

Man , I'm crying writing this

So my bf started freaking out, said to call my mom (who was our ride to the appointment) and while I was talking to her he called his mom and was yelling at her about giving us a dying dog. After he calmed down a little he called our usual vet and asked what we need to do and they said bring her in to our usual place.

So my bf kinda looked at me when he was off the phone and I said I can carry her down

We went to the vet and they came out and grabbed her and asked about what we'd like to do now about cremation or burial and my bf just froze because we hadnt talked about it and he hadnt even thought of it yet

I had a little so I told her cremation and they said that we can worry about payment when we pick up her ashes but like

Guys. My dog died while I was petting her. I've been avoiding thinking about my gmas death from January because my gma and i talked on the phone like once a week and I went over to my moms where she was staying like twice a week. I am not going to be doing okay but I dont think I'll post much about it on tumblr, probably just gonna deal with it on my own

And i gotta make sure the bf is okay because that was his dog when he was like 15 and gotta check on my mom because she watched the dog twice a week while we were at work, and this is the first thing, animal or human, that's passed sense her mom

Idk guys. I feel a little better after having typed stuff out, my notes are full of lots of things like this. But idk why but I want this one is on tumblr

And my sister just messaged me so I'm sure mom told her already

Man I'm gonna have to work tonight

I didnt call out when gma passed either. I was scheduled 2 days off when that happened and my 1st week at work was brought, but I made it through my shifts

#my thoughts #words only #tw death

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alkali-is-sleeping · 3 years ago

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The Dog Star 2

[cw: some shouting, anger, could be triggering for some]

If my little brother — a Death Eater who made Walburga, our mother very proud — had not gotten himself killed at the hands of the Dark Lord, I most likely would not have inherited my family’s home. Twelve Grimmauld Place loomed below us. The House of Black had never been welcoming, but I needed to make this Hari's home; its needed to welcome him.

I revved again as we made our descent, careful to make sure that Hari was still safe as we landed.

But there was a shadowy figure at the door. I wrapped Hari with my jacket, separating his sleepy head from what may lay ahead, panicking at the thought that he may be taken from me, or worse...

I neared cautiously, I daren’t say fearfully, my life had overflown with it for too long and I needed my courage more than ever now. The closer I got, the more I became certain that this was someone I knew, but the pressing fog in my head made it impossible for me to say who until —

Fearful amber eyes turned to me, lowered on the slowish breathing lump in my jacket and glistened under the light of the street lamps and the stars — I was named after the brightest one — and the no longer full moon.

Remus teared up more and more the closer I drew. He reached his hand out, once I was near enough, as if to touch Hari, but retracted it just as quickly, thinking better if it.

I did not want to let go of the baby. He was a lifeline then, keeping my head over water, stopping me from drowning in the grief and the mess and the truth and —

Remus had always been the best at gauging my emotion, my confusion radiating to him perhaps, permeating his ever calm demeanor, telling him that my hands and this baby were, at least for now, surgically attached. He tapped his wand to the door causing it to clunk painfully through the soundless night, and pushed it for us all to get in.

He lit the fire in the drawing room, all the candles and lamps and eventually took to standing in a far corner of the room staring at sleeping Hari, occasionally wiping his eyes with his tatty jumper sleeve.

“W-why didn’t you tell me you weren’t the Secret Keeper?” I started at the sound; it was the first voice I’d heard all night aside from Hari’s cooing and babbling.

I lifted my eyes to Remus’s; red and bloodshot, just like mine probably.

“Forgive me... we didn’t think we could trust you... Voldemort had so much he could have offered you in exchange for...” I gulped. The mistake I had made, it cost my best friend and his wife their lives and I could hardly bring my self to telling Remus.

“I went to Peter’s hiding place,” I continued, “I was supposed to check if he was still ok, but he was gone. No struggle, nothing to suggest he left against his will even... it was my idea to make him Secret Keeper...” I whispered the last bit, tears rolling down my own cheeks, landing on Hari’s little blanket.

Remus hurried next to me, wrapping his arms around me and the baby, his tears mingling with mine.

“No one blames you,Sirius. Peter, well he...”

“Talentless rat,” my voice filled with anger suddenly, burning and smoking just like the Potters’ cottage... “Must have been his proudest moment, selling out his friends and their baby son...” I sobbed drily. “Lily was pregnant again... she and James told me last week, while you were recovering from the moon. They were going to tell you, once you were better and... and...” I trailed off. I didn’t want to stop talking, not when there we’re still so many truths wanting to get out, squirming and rioting in my stomach. I wanted to let them all out, to talk and talk until this was all a distant memory. But Remus’s eyes. His eyes were wide and they had stopped leaking. They were staring at me and for a second — perhaps it was my own paranoid mind, perhaps I imagined the contempt — he did blame me.

I think he was going to say something else before the fire had glowered iridescent green. We both took out our wands and and stood abruptly, Remus in front of me, me covering Hari. Ready for the worst.

A purple wizard’s hat, followed by a great mass of flowing silver-white hair which hid a benevolent old face and then the rest of the purple clad body. Dumbledore.

"I thought I might find you all here." His voice, a seemingly perpetual tone of casual amusement, irked me. My best friends were dead and he had the nerve to stand in my house and tell me, matter-of-factly, he knew he'd find me here? "I'd asked Hagrid earlier tonight to bring young Hari to me," he said, sitting, uninvited, on the nearest armchair. I was shooting daggers at him, but he seemed not to care, looking only between Remus and the baby I held. "But by the time he got there, the baby was gone, taken, the locals told him, by a man in a leather jacket and a flying motorbike... I knew, instantly of course, that his godfather must have taken him to safety."

I shifted my feet uncomfortably and redistributed Hari's weight in my arms. Why was Dumbledore here? What did he want?

I looked at Remus, who was in turn looking at Dumbledore, who was finally looking at me.

"I'm not sorry," i said, chin lifted in the airin defiance, daring him to make me apologise for having gone against his will.

"No one is asking you to be bu--"

"And I am not giving him to you."

My interuption was punished by silence, broken only by a dry cough from Remus. Dumbledore's eyes, bright moonstone, penetrating to the depths of my soul...

"Sirius, from what I gather, as Hari's guardian, you wannt what is best for him. However, you do not seem to have the full measure of things," Dumbledor was now making a dome with his hands, leaning forward on his seat. "I have good reason to believe thathis mother's sacrifice, Lily'sbloodshed for her son, has formed an unpenetrable protection on Hari. This is little understood magic, magic which is the sole reason Hari got away from Voldemort's attack with only a scar."

It was his turn to shoot me daggers; he most likely didnt mean it, but his gaze made me want to run and run. I didn't want to hear about what really happened, I'd seen enough, endured enought, I did not want anymore.

But he did not care, he kept talking, telling me everything, feeding me more and more dark, worm like truths.

"This is why i believe Hari needs to live with his aunt and uncle, blood relations of Lily's." I stared.

"WHAT?!" I bellowed, unable to control the sudden influx of anger bubbling over the surface. Hari woke at the sound, fussing and sqirming. remus made to take him from my grip, but I pushed him away, making him nearly-stumble back,eyes wide.

I rocked the baby slowly, allowing him to ease back to sleep.

Instead, I took to a menacing whisper; "You mean to send him to live with Muggles? People who dont even know him? Did you know Lily never wanted him to meet Petunia and..." I struggled for a name, "Whats-his-face? You want to send him to a place where, perhaps for most of his life, he won't know who he is or where he came from? A-and can't ypu imagine what that'd do to him? That no one will have bothered to tell him about his parents?" I panted as if I had shouted; I said all of that in one angry breath.

"I suppose I'm an easier book to read than I imagined." He was wiping his glasses with the hem of his amethyst robes and, my, did I want to throw stones at him just then, to watch him and his stupid, calm face, shatter into a million pieces, leaving only his delicate, half-moon glasses.

"I'm his godfather. I was the one James and Lily appointed as his guardian if they..." I couldn't say it. Maybe tomorrow could wake up, take some Fire Whiskey down to drink with James as we laugh loudly, like we did in schoool, before the war, laugh about the pathetic dream I'm having...

"Isn't... isn't there some magic in that?" I pleaded, finally defeated perhaps. Dumbledore paced the room twice round, Remus' eyes on him the whole time while i closed mine and imagined James grin, full of laughter and love and... life.

"Perhaps... But more than anything, I think I am to trust the Potters' judgement and their own trust in you, for now. I will decide if this is really a good choice after I have gathered enough information. Until then, you are not to leave this house under any circumstances. Not until I have good reason to believe he will be magically protected from teh Death Eaters out to avenge their fallen Master. And, I am also to understand, given that you are both here, that Peter Pettigrew was the spy the Order had so many whispers about, correct? You are not to search for him either, as I am sure you might be tempted to."

Remus and I just nodded deftly. I could not have cared less about this sentence at Grimmauld Place, though the fleeting urge to go after Peter, to throttle him and rip him limb from limb, did possess me for seconds. But Hari was just so much more important to me, and every second with him was precious, like little glittering pearls gathering in my hands.

"That concludes my bussiness here, and my welcome has been long over stayed, so I shall leave you to it." He Dissaparated.

The next moments all blurred into one,and i cannot say how, by sunrise; the pale greenish orange promisisng a cold, summer's morning, we found ourselves laying in the guest bed, Hari between us, still fast asleep. The both of us staring into space, our pillows damp and salty.

Despite the growing sunlight, Sleep's teder fingers caught up to me...

[A/N: gods this one was long, im sorry it took so long to post, ill try to be faster with chapter 3 (which mind you is longer still than this). i hope dumbledore moral ambiguity shows, dont worry if it doesnt, it really will further on. hope you enjoy and thanx for reading!!]

#sirius black #remus lupin #harry james potter #indian harry potter #padfoot #james potter #lily evans #lily potter #voldemort #hp fanfic

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graciouslypure · 4 years ago

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Tonight as I tuck in my 4 months boy to sleep, a gush of emotions came as I remembered the possibility of him having hearing problems in his early days.

Puan, nanti datang follow up untuk test pendengaran baby ye, baby tak pass test dalam lima hari ni.

Wait, what? Okay, he was delivered by emergency c-sect, warded in NICU for tachychardia, and now this? I nodded just because to be discharged after almost a week at the hospital during RMCO was a bit of relief.

Come the referral test day. I was too anxious. What if he doesnt pass the test yet again? " It would be a totally different plan," I told my husband. I'll stay home and attend and assist him through therapies and all. The wait was horrendous.

Medicinenet.com explains that Otoacoustic emissions (OAE) are sounds given off by the inner ear when the inner ear structure known as the cochlea is stimulated by a sound. When the sound occurs, the outer hair cells of the ear vibrate. This produces an almost inaudible sound that throws an echo back into the middle ear.

The person conducting the test inserts a small probe into the ear canal to measure the sound; those with certain levels of hearing loss do not produce these very soft sounds.

The test can also detect the presence of middle ear fluid, which can temporarily affect hearing.

Moreover, a study by Tatiana Smolkin et al., Pediatrics (2012) concluded that Caesarean Delivered (CD) infants had significantly higher failure rates on first OAE hearing test. They speculate that CD is accompanied by retained fluid in middle ear which may impair neonatal hearing. The timing of first OAE after CD should preferably be postponed beyond 48 hours of age to improve OAE passage and minimize maternal anxiety and costs.

Anxiety and costs. Definitely.

The audiologist was jolly and attempted the test for the first time. Baby was restless and cried a lot. He failed the test yet again.

Puan tenangkan anak dulu ye,

(More like tenangkan diri sendiri dulu)

We went out, clean his poop, calmly feed him, and return to her office.

"Ok, kita test masa tidur ni ye." She said.

Bismillah....

This side is ok.

"Ok. Jom cuba telinga yang tak dengar".

The two minute test felt like two hours.

Then I saw the graph. Please dont stay flat... half way through not much changes. Then. The line goes up. Up. Up. Pass the threshold.

"Ok. Anak puan tiada masalah. Baby boleh dengar."

I cried behind my mask. She smiled and I thanked her, as we leave.

It hadnt been an easy week. Or month. Both for baby and I. We had appointments every week at the hospital and follow ups at the clinic. Baby had jaundice the last day we were at the hospital and so we had to follow up at the clinic. My hormones were all over, affecting my BP, until I had to take on medications up to 8th week. I was even placed in emergency for having too high of BP. Besides, the anxiety was so great, I was so scared that my gestational diabetes would turn to diabetes mellitus type II. Luckily it didnt, when I passed the MGTT test on week 6 after delivery. On top of those, I had multiple work interviews during pantang. It was both challenging and memorable, all the preps and sessions.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

Nikmat Allah yang mana yang kau dustakan?

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justsomeantifas · 6 years ago

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its 11:59 its still technically tonight so

this is gonna be my reference point to questions abt venezuela, at least regarding things pre- May 19 2019. Its a bit scattered and it may get edited down along the road, but yeah.

short version that draws some similar conclusions: https://www.salon.com/2019/05/17/the-plot-to-kill-venezuela_partner/

one difference in scales that’s important to keep in mind: the lifespan of people is 2-7 decades. the lifespan of colonialism lasts centuries. the lifespan of media memory is a couple years, tops.

Most western narratives of venezuela start meaningfully at chavez, which is a mistake. The focus point in history around which the country flowed was the Caracazo. You probably already know about this, but a massive uprising took place in the heart of Caracas, against decades of dictatorship both formal and informal, after severe instability in the global oil market. The people were hungry, the riots were fiery, and the bullets bled. knows the death toll even now, but its estimated well into the thousands. This happened pre-chavez, and started a cascade of events which brought him into limelight that you can read about here. not gonna go into more venezuelan history, but i talk a bit more here

chavez was democratically elected, multiple times.

in 2002, after his first democratic election, he was kidnapped by US-backed troops and replaced by someone who threw out the 1999 constitution, which was as legitimate as any other made in venezuela’s colonial and violently capitalist history, seeing as it was the first (aka only, so far) of 26 constitutions actually approved by popular referendum. He was reinstated largely due to massive protests in support of him. Maduro however doesn’t really have as much of the charisma and support of chavez, which is creating problems - as well as exacerbating problems created by the economic crises ramping up just around chavez’s death. In 2015, there were elections to the National Assembly, which ended up with the Opposition winning a majority of the seats (which does show that there’s some degree of fairness in the elections, at least verifiably up til that point, yet that isnt rly accounted for when western media describes it as “undemocratic” - many of whom don’t apply the same scrutiny to their own country: such as this UN Human Rights councilor who also happens to be the crown prince of british-iraq, currently residing in the noted democracy of the Kingdom of Jordan, which has no vested interest or control over any particular export of Venezuela.).

This turnout showed most of all that maduro had alienated as many as 2 million of his supporters, who didnt end up voting (though many also voted against him - trying to act on their feeling that whatever they want, its “not this”). This decreasing support also accelerates whats known as “Everyday Sabotage” - people not trusting in the government, and look out for their own interests contra everyone else. This is a danger inherent to tying “Socialism” to a primarily state project.

However 1999 Constitution was never meant as an eternal document & it created mechanisms to call for new popular constitutional referendums to be held. That’s what the “Constituent Assembly” is about, which is what a lot of the western world is describing as him singlehandedly rewriting it (while also being “vague about its contents”), or “created by him”. Elections to the constituent assembly were boycotted by opposition, so that it would be government controlled & look like a sham in the eyes of the broader world. That being said, the assembly was called both as a reaction to losing election but also in response to intensifying crises - it was put forth (i don’t see any reason to believe in bad faith) as a way to come together and figure out how to address the needs that were driving people to protest - to address the desire for “not this”, but bc of the uncertainty, it was easily twistable by reactionaries by putting all emphasis on the former. Also timing corresponds with increasing fears of maduro straying from the path of chavez, the image of scrapping one of his strongest plays for smth unknown is risky - tho if there are other meaningful options given the situation im not sure. And the body’s got at least as much constitutional legitimacy as Guaido (Chapter III)

The 1999 constitution also enabled a recall election to be called against maduro in 2016, bc it was written with particular attention to holding public officials accountable - similar noble commitments helped to end the presidency of Rousseff & bring in Bolsonaro (who was also one of the people spurring on the investigations and whipping up a social base).

(speaking of guaido & bolsonaro)

on Guaido:

part of student group in 2007 protesting against non-renewal of coup-assisting network, who the CFR (one of the major think tanks of the cold war still playing a big role in foreign policy today) considered “most important network”

close friend of Leopoldo Lopez, the aforementioned coup plotter.

politician since 2010, won a couple small elections

Unknown to majority of general population until 2019, most venezuelans surveyed didnt know him

Plan Pais

plans to privatize state owned industry & allow investment from foreign oil companies

center-right neoliberal draped in platitudes of “stability”, “revitalization”, “security”, and “rescue” - a message seemingly deliberately targeted to become more and more resonant with increased sanctions.

/on Guaido

governing is about the expression of power. I wanna live in a world where that power isn’t expressed, but as long as the exploitation of the global working class continues unabated, id prefer some of that power be put towards helping the poor.

there is no such thing as a static state of affairs, there’s no “goldilocks zone” out in the political universe where we tweak things finely until we find whats best for everyone, only different rates of change in different dimensions. what we need to do is figure out how we can push that state of affairs in a direction so that everyday people have the power to take control of their lives. re

re: “constitutionality” - if the supreme court calls it constitutional then its constitutional. period. There’s no such thing as a supreme court as an “independent branch” of government, but there are different degrees of integration into the rest of it.

The Supreme Tribunal of Venezuela has 32 members, (a bit more than a dozen put in by the national assembly, while the PSUV held it), and the opposition holds abt 3 away from a supermajority. Each member of the court holds their spot for 12 years. If that’s “The Most Corrupt In The World” according to Transparency International, i wonder what world the 9-person lifetime-appointed US Supreme Court (2 of which appointed by trump, and save for pulling a Weekend At Ginsbergs, likely 3) is on. In fact, one of the tactics that the more radical circles of democrat voters are putting forward is to pack the Supreme Court. Because thats how shit actually gets done, or at the least how shit is prevented from being committed w the stamp of legality. FDR learned that lesson too, in trying to pass what is today known as “The New Deal”

My comparisons to trump are for specific end: these actions are exerted on levers of liberal democracy, and every single liberal democracy is susceptible to them in some ways.

whats a “dictator”? if hes unelected, the millions of people who participated in the elections dont seem to think so. if maduro is a dictator, then what is donald trump? the majority of ppl didnt vote for him yet hes still governing. macron’s popularity has at several points been less than 1/3, and the yellow vest protestors have been violently attacked - why is he not “a violent dictator with only the support of the military”? These terms are not neutral.

“their elections are highly flawed” So What? show me a country whose elections arent.

“opposition jailed” - ok but coup plotters don’t get off easy in any liberal democracy. If someone - say Bernie Sanders - said “enough is enough” and succeeded in overthrowing the current government with the help of a foreign government…. you think they’d let him go free? what if ten years later he was getting his supporters all riled up to do it again? how long you think he’d be in jail for (assuming he can survive well into his 100’s)? You think more than 13 years? Think he’d get house arrest? Some US states lock you up for posessing weed up to 10. If you stay long enough around this blog, youll find plenty of other examples of much more cruel and unusual punishments. Look at Chelsea Manning, look at Oscar Riviera… look at the US protestors saying Guaido is illegitimate

what we have to keep in mind most of all, is to show that the contradictions being exploited are inherent to Liberalism. Contradictions are just expressed most freely at the margins - the interstices

poor economic decisions happen everywhere - 2008/2009 still affecting the entire world there’s violence thats “natural”, and violence thats “intolerable”. The dividing line is whether we have anything to gain by changing things.

sanctions: started under obama, originally targeted specific individuals, used as precedent for more generalized. They’re indirect - they have a “squeezing effect”, takes already-existing problems & just makes them markedly worse. also doesn’t necessarily correlate with emigration, bc it takes a lot of money to start a new life somewhere else, and sanctions disproportionately affect the poor.

war wouldnt likely look like (many) US boots on the ground - we’ve got plenty of other places to be. It’d look like guns being smuggled to counter-protestors. It’d look like sending resources to neighboring countries like Colombia or Brazil who would then use their troops. Colombias ruling party is right wing populists - much of current president’s campaign was run on fearmongering abt venezuelan socialism - they’re raring to go. It’d look like drones https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caracas_drone_attack. Also means there likely won’t be a sudden trigger, its a gradually escalating stressful gradually-more-warlike situation.

If war does break out - where would the refugees go? In reality the majority would go to Colombia, but if anything significant breaks out there will be a stream of those looking to find shelter in the US, which has advertised itself as a beacon of hope - what would happen to them? some may get taken in as a gesture of showmanship, but nowhere close to the majority.

speaking of the US - imagine if trump and bolton manage to actually plot a winning coup. Do you think that that wont be his main bullwark against ppl like Bernie? you think the media and rest of the democratic party wont jump on that narrative and “begrudgingly” support a fascist because the alternative might mean supporting single payer and not-having-good-for-ratings-climate-apocalypse?

another term thrown around without regard is “once vibrant” - for whom?

most articles ive seen just take this as an axiom, and dont find any cognitive dissonance when also saying chavez reduced poverty hugely.

The answer to that rhetorical question: Citgo is venezuelan, before chavez none of the wealth went back to venezuela - thats what “vibrancy” means.

many similarities with BP (the-artist-formerly-known-as-the-anglo-iranian-oil-company)

in age of climate change & vocal ppl about phasing out oil, the more one’s livelihood is connected to oil, the more unstable ones country will be - either that, or the more instability ones country will cause.

“Oil exports fell by $2,200 per capita from 2012 to 2016, of which $1,500 was due to the decline in oil prices.”

The drop in price that affected the venezuelan economy so much in 2014 was largely by US shale fracking

in 1970’s Chile, copper was the main product of Chile - allende nationalized the mines, and in return wall street dropped the

(also worth noting that venezuela’s got non-insignificant untapped shale basins)

At least venezuela used the oil money to fund social programs instead of like, pad the pockets of Raytheon.

also oil price wars in africa highly correlated w oil (whose annual production doesn’t even combined total venezuelas)

a couple ppl have raised concerns abt my strong stance on equivocal dismissal - if there’s a difference, if there’s some way of reading your statement that says “X country that the State Dept wants to invade is an anomoly in the otherwise free world”, then that’s acting to push the discourse towards normalization & invasion. It’s not “whataboutism”, just basic consistency.

now more than ever, narratives are affected by people. They may not be ones we had a hand in forging, but the way that we propagate them actually does have measurable effects on the larger-scale political outcomes. Always look for the base assumptions, as well as the direction

sure denounce Chavez. sure denounce Maduro. denounce Kim, Xi, Castro, anyone. But if there’s no equally or proportionally loud denunciations of the horrors perpetrated by allies - the “assumed”, “natural” violence, then you’re acting to reinforce the narrative of exceptionalism.

Just make sure after you take a breath, you denounce Saudi Arabia & Yemen, Israel for Palestine, the conditions which brought Argentinian/Brazillian, Brazilian coup, the US for Puerto Rico, the conditions which have murdered dozens of journalists in Mexico per year…

what people want most of all is stability. “A debate over whether it is mismanagement and corruption by the Maduro government or the sanctions that are the author of the crisis is largely irrelevant. The point is that a combination of the reliance on oil revenues and the sanctions policy has crushed the policy space for any stability in the country.”

government’s errors and tensions

fixed exchange rate -> black market

took 5 years to address changing relation between dollar & BsF, all the room between those two curves left a huge room for intensifying crises, though since it also corresponds with the death of chavez, it sorta makes sense.

antidemocratic actions and remarks by maduro

scattered responses filled w half-solutions

diversification needed, but how do you diversify an economy filled with rampant poverty, malnutrition, illiteracy…

(nominally begrudging) support for mineral extraction 12.4% of territory opened to extraction - “Special Economic Zone” as a method of managing decay

this is also what much of the reality of “economic diversification” looks like

not enough socialism. (even fox agrees!) Venezuela shows the limits of Social Democracy in countries living outside of the Imperial Core - esp the dangers if you’re in the crosshairs already bc of oil

started out as populism, gradually grew as confronted more. shows shaping influence on political organs from actions of foreign actors - if you’ve survived a coup before, you’re gonna become paranoid about any more of them - especially when the coup plotters say “hey lets do more coups”

also shows the weakness of only having a small number of charasmatic faces representing the movement - if one dies and theres no clear and popular replacement, then you’ll lose ppl who were largely brought in by the charisma, weakening your political project, and creating cracks for reactionary forces to take advantage of - especially in times of transition.

bourgeoisie still control a majority of the economy. Capitalist businesses are internally unaccountable, and in this age of intensified global trade, one can punish countries for straying from the pack by moving business & focus away. If you’re looking for dictatorships, look at the thousands of private companies run as dictatorships daily

capital flight is a real effect, precisely because socialism is fundamentally and irreconcilably against the self-interest of the bourgeoisie. not necessarily against the interest of the humans-who-are-also-bourgeois, but of the impersonal self-sustaining force of capital.

Have you ever pulled something out of an electrical socket, and seen a quick spark? The reason that occurs is bc of what’s called an induction current, which is a fancy physics word for flowing electricity not liking to suddenly change its flow. If you accidentally touch that spark, you might feel it, but youll live to tell the tale. But if you only take the plug out halfway & touch it, that’s a different story. Capital flows similarly.

my country (lithuania) has been facing sky-high emigration since the collapse of the USSR (with an added boost after 08-09), we have also consistently had one of the highest suicide rates in the world (#7), a minimum wage of about 3 Euros an hour (after a recent increase), as well as one of the highest prison populations in Europe (discounting Russia & Belarus… which like….)

when are we gonna be invaded? when will the US media talk about our pain?

oh wait, they did. We cried all pretty for the TV cameras, then they got a bozo nobody really knew of to denounce the government, who they called dictatorial (though it was far from ideal, massive bureaucracies dont tend to mix well with single-person-decision-making). And to be fair, the fact that the government was unpopular wasnt entirely undeserved. But what was promised to us was the idea of “Freedom”, “Free Enterprise”; to “Get Rid of Corruption” and institute “Real” Democracy". They said we’d be integrated into the glorious capitalist west, and we understood that to mean that we’d be in the position of a Germany, or at least an Austria or smth. But they never meant to integrate us into the imperial Core, we have always been seen as part of the Periphery - the “assumed” violence that “naturally” happens.

Then we got to where we our today. Some of the stuffs more available, but expensive. Most of the bureaucracy’s still around, it just helps fewer people. We stand as an example of what to expect, in one of the best case scenarios, you would join our emigrees now making up a significant percentage of underpaid house-servants aka maids across the EU.

if we want the people of Venezuela to be healthy, safe, and fulfilled, then:

speak out and pointing to the effects of US sanctions is incredibly important. They’ve already killed 40,000 people in the last year, and 300,000 more are in extreme danger (and millions more in long-term risk).

what does it mean when you simultaneously sanction trade with a place but also demand they let you give them humanitarian aid?

if there is to be action taken by the international community, then the US has forfeited its right to speak. They threw it away once in 2002, and obama rhetorically picked it up and dusted it off so that trump could throw it in a bigger dumpster, thats also on fire. However we also still live in a world deeply shaped by US Hegemony, so the opinions of its close trade partners & closest-knit media buds should be seen as influenced as such. Doesn’t mean that theyre wrong on everything too, but they still feel the magnetic pull of the US economy and ecosystem (as well as their own potentially imperial interests) and the effect of that force cannot be discounted.

transitioning our economies away from oil & away from globalized neoliberalism which only values peripheral states by their exports - dissolves tensions of how to produce in unproductive terrain

socialize medicine in the US, so that drug companies run by dictatorships can’t control their lives & ours. healthcare is especially reliant on imports, sanctions affect especially strongly.

normalize the ideas of Socialism, without taking the easy way out of “oh no dont think of Venezuela, think of sweden or denmark”. None of them are Socialist, but to avoid the complexities of Venezuela is to imagine that US attempts at socialism wouldn’t involve significant capital flight. If we don’t consider that, if we don’t have solid actionable plans to deal with that, while also facing the inherent complexity of changing material conditions, then we’re gonna waste whatever shot we get.

redirect conversation normally centered around government towards support of the tens of thousands of small business co-operatives, where people live their daily lives in a democratic manner.

on The Communes:

“delegating responsibility throughout all members, and bringing important decisions to the whole to work through and find the best possible solution… They create “collective criteria” together; agreements stipulating whether individuals have power over certain decisions or whether it is up to the whole group. However, he assures that these “are not rigid, they can change at any moment.” The cooperative I lived with in Venezuela had regular organizational meetings where they informally came to agreement and were even able to come back to re-evaluate decisions that didn´t seem to be satisfactory for the whole group in this same way. Decisions and decision making, in this way, are viewed as a process not contained by meetings and discussions in board rooms, but are always being analyzed and made better by the process of putting them into action, and not only by thinking them out and writing them down.”

- the “Self Government of the Producers” - aka what it looks like for cooks to govern.

they have communal councils as well - neighborhood councils in the same vein that so many (rightfully) find inspiring in Kurdistan . They preexisted chavez, but they were able to proliferate and be given legal recognition through him. I understand that legal recognition can act to ‘name’ a body & pin it to smth that doesn’t match its requisite variety - how dynamic it is, but imo as its currently legislated it recognizes a good amount of the autonomy that they had already been excersizing. - liable to change government recognition of co-ops has drawbacks too, and correlates negatively with that coop’s success

"A good example of this intention is the de-emphasis that cooperatives in Venezuela put on advertising or “marketing” products, and instead push to find more people to become part of the cooperative, and choose the services or products they provide based on community decisions about what is needed. A cooperative I worked in […] was originally a family owned and operated theater group that traveled around the country performing theater pieces that highlighted social and environmental issues. When they joined the […] cooperative, the larger co-op did an analysis and decided they wanted a natural fruit juice concentrate producer and gave the group a loan to acquire capital and start producing. They have been doing this for only a couple of years now but have already paid back the loan to the larger cooperative and are bringing extra money in to support themselves, better their services, and supply extra funds to the larger cooperative for community projects such as the recently [2012] built community health center…

The cooperative services I experienced and learned about in Venezuela were health, dental, food, and a separate example of trash services. A dental cooperative […] provides quality dental services (I know because I used them) almost every day for affordable prices. You don´t have to be a member of the cooperative, and you don´t have to make an appointment. It takes only a couple of hours, and emergency situations are treated with urgency. The health center, built with funds provided by all the associated cooperatives[…], works the same way. Anyone can go there, the services are subsidized by the cooperative so they are affordable, the clinic and workspaces are clean and well taken care of, and the quality of the service is great. Worker-members of the cooperative receive health care at the facility without charge except for the massage and acupuncture services that they also provide at a really low price.

[…] food services are priced to provide more access to food for the community in which it exists. The original and persistent intention is to make the best situation for people on all ends of the process. The producers are part of the cooperative and are part of the group that decides the prices that growers get, as well as the prices that the food is sold for. This means that both farmers and workers at the market decide what to charge a person, which ultimately affects how much money the growers receive, as well as if the food is affordable for the people who need to eat who live in the city. In a normal capitalist market system these parties are separated and put up against each other, raising prices for consumers and lowering them for small producers, excluding those people from getting enough money to afford all the necessities that are typically only provided at a high price.

One communal council, a parallel governing organization of community members linked to investment funds from the national government, in the city of Merida, Venezuela organized themselves to get funds to buy a trash collection truck. The truck at the time was used for a specific waste removal project that removed waste from their community regularly but was not a traditional collection service. However, they did have plans to expand the project to start their own collection service, and this would be provided by the commal council, an anti-capitalist organization which does not require people to pay for the service. Although this is not a “co-operative” as some hardliner co-operative enthusiasts might point out, it is a horizontal anti-capitalist organization widening access of necessary services to the larger community run by community members; following cooperative values of equity, inclusion, and solidarity I believe this to be an example of cooperative economics and action. It appears to me that economic inclusion is much more likely to widen only when those who are being excluded are included in the process of organizing the services and are in control of the economy.“

until the communes, workers cooperatives, and the like are strong enough to rule themselves, having Maduro in power is the only option given to us which doesn’t trigger the control of reactionaries. People make their own history, but not in situations of their choosing - the exact outcome isn’t predetermined, but there’s only a limited number of poles - gravitational attractors - towards which that trajectory is heading at any particular time.

if maduro acts to squash the power of the communes, then thats a different situation. but until that point, we outside of the country must work to center any discussion on these bodies - they are the heart of the country and of whatever social revolution has occurred/is further possible. They are filled with lessons for us to learn from, and show how rich and dynamic the organized populace can be if they are allowed to control their communities. (ex of dealing with gang violence from @ 22:50)

This is all said with recognition that many chavistas have acted against communes, the bureaucratic machine acts to co-opt much of their energy, its linguistically obscured the concept of "ownership” with that of “control”, and that the state has changed its messages over time. But the heart of the communes is what’s a priority, and they have acted against the government overstepping its bounds & mis-identifying them. But whats important is that there’s a feedback process in the gvt to actually allow them to assert their autonomy. Liberals will do their utmost to close those channels.

If Guaido and the Popular Will take control of power, be assured that whatever gains made in organizing the everyday people of Venezuela will be at the top of the chopping block. How effective that suppression turns out to be is undetermined - it might turn out to strengthen the communes, but that outcome would be damage control, not something to try and bullseye.

Effective Propaganda knows that its more effective to control what’s left out than control what’s put in. Keep that in mind, and study trajectories and forces.

other links:

https://next.podbay.fm/podcast/1363342644/e/1551711604

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Voc08vh9cJY

https://www.counterpunch.org/2013/06/21/a-cowboy-in-caracas/

https://thenextrecession.wordpress.com/2017/08/03/the-tragedy-of-venezuela/

https://www.multpl.com/venezuela-gdp

https://www.jacobinmag.com/2014/04/fivethirtyeights-venezuela-problem

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/why-venezeulas-middle-class-is-taking-to-the-streets/

https://news.vice.com/en_us/article/bjkmq8/fiery-protest-leader-leopoldo-lopez-faces-13-year-sentence-in-venezuela

https://potent.media/minimum-sentencing-for-marijuana-possession

https://www.thoughtco.com/core-and-periphery-1435410

https://popularresistance.org/building-the-commune-radical-democracy-in-venezuela/

http://www.antiwar.com/regions/regions.php?c=Venezuela

#venezuela #reference #imperialism #chavez #maduro #socialism #capitalism #extraction #oil #war #emigrant #communes #cooperatives

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thevmontgomery · 5 years ago

Text

Montgomery Family Values

After Rocky’s vigil, Vanessa comes home to gather a few things and is unfortunately met with a Montgomery sibling meeting.

included: @montgomery-malachai triggers: homophobia, rocky’s death, slut shaming,

Vanessa: There were few situations Vanessa ever felt like she didn't have any control, there was only ever one that she's ever truly felt powerless: when it was her and her brothers. Vanessa had only came home to get a few things knowing that their father would be out, but caught her eldest brother Nate staring back at her with disappointment in his eyes as she was instructed to follow him to the dining room table, Kai already sitting there. She hadn't been home since she ran away and Vanessa knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to face her family. Her family that changed the locks on her, her family that took her son from him took every piece of existence of the boy out of the house, the family that made her feel like she didn't exist the majority of her life. Vanessa sat down across from Kai, not bothering to make eye contact.

kai: Kai hardly had a relationship with his eldest sibling, even when they were younger, he had always been closer to Vanessa. Something about Nate being able to bring out the almost submissive puppy in Kai, always breaking the hard exterior he built up as their conversation went. He had been sitting in the living room, his brothers eyes on him when they heard Vanessa pull up. Kai getting sent to sit at the dining table, popping one of his /sales/ in his mouth, dry swallowing it as he sat down. Hoping to feel something other than sobriety in this impromptu family meeting. His head glanced up as he heard the clicking of his sisters heels, rolling his eyes as she avoided eye contact with him. A part of him not shocked that she had left him with the two people he had hated most in the world, but a part of him still hurt by it.

Nate: "Sit," Nate instructed, sitting at the head of family seat. Looking over his siblings all he could feel was disgust and disappointment. "Have you two learned nothing?" he started. "All you two have done since I enlisted was cause Hell in this house. Mother would be turning in her grave if she knew how you two have become? A fucking useless teen mom and a drug dealing fairy. You two are going to wisen up and you're going to wisen up now!" his voice thundered. Nate turned his gaze to Vanessa, "And what do you have you have to say for yourself? Do you know the mess father and I have to clean up because you and those god awful Bells? Do you want to be one of their gang sluts for the rest of your life? You already fucked up your life getting pregnant and now you're going to let them ruin your life some more? You're going to pack up all your shit wherever you are and come home /tonight/. Not tomorrow, not when father is gone, /tonight/. And you..." he paused turning to Kai. "Fort Union Academy will be expecting you to move in this weekend."

kai: shook his head as Nate brought up their mother, no one in the house understanding Kai, especially after the accident. Talking or thinking about his mom was hard, let alone the thought that he wasnt what she would have wanted of him. He knew deep down that his mom would be disappointed in who he was, but he enjoyed himself, he loved himself. /most of the time/. His eyes glaring daggers at Nate as he addressed Vanessa. Knowing she went in on herself day in and day out, and now with rocky being gone he knew it had gotten worse. "dont act like you give a fuck," He spoke, for once getting bold with his brother. Instant regret washing through him as he turned to him, his brow raising, "youre funny if you think im getting shipped away like some fucking amazon return," he knew at that point he already sealed his deal, and he shouldnt have kept talking, but he had.

Vanessa: Even though Vanessa in her brain was the more mature one out of the three, she was also the most weak willed out of them and easily persuaded when it came to her family. She already felt so alone in the house that she would do anything to make her family happy with her again. Nate's words were hitting Vanessa like knives and she became that sad little forgotten girl once again. Tears started forming in Vanessa's eyes. Maybe if she had been a little nicer, a little prettier, a little smarter, a little more like her parents wanted, Rocky might still be here. If only she would have been enough all of this wouldn't have happened. "I... I get it, Nathanial," she said weakly, curling into herself. He was right. She was ruining everyone around her and letting other people ruin her. Before she could say anything else, she looked to Kai, shaking her head to stop him. Vanessa knew how cruel Nate was to Kai. She gave him a look of warning, hoping he'd stop talking. She'd take the beating if it meant Kai would be safe.

Nate: head snapped once he heard Kai's reply. "I don't give a fuck about some fag who is dead set on being a disappointment for the rest of his life. I'm concerned about our slut of a sister who killed our brother. Or did you forget?" He stood up, palms pressed against the table and eyes of fury. He took a deep breath, pretending to add some softness to his faith. "She's useless, beyond help according to father, but for whatever reason he thinks you can be fixed. A year at military school should /straighten/ you out in one way or another. It's not up for discussion. When father comes home your hair will be black again and you both will be grateful that he is continuing to let you live in his house. Do I make myself clear?"

kai: "No all you give a fuck about is impressing the image of a man who has never been a father to anyone but you," he spoke sharply, his whole body telling him to stand down. That his brother wasnt going to take kindly to his words, but the fire he felt in his skin from hearing him talk about vanessa, he couldnt stay quiet. "Shes amazing. If you took a fucking second to look past what father has warped into that peanut brain, you wouldve seen the person she really is. Shes not a slut, shes not an idiot, shes not useless. Shes fucking family!" Kai spoke, standing from his spot, "Everything she has ever done has been to make father happy, to make you happy. And for what?! To be forced to live a lie her whole life? She didnt kill our NEPHEW. She didnt go to that appointment knowing that Vince fucking Bell would bring his gang ties with him. You dont get to sit here and lecture us when you arent even fucking around to see anything happening anyway!" He rolled his eyes, catching the way he spoke the word straight, "Yes because a year with only men around is really gonna make me only want woman. Smart plan on that one homie,"

Vanessa: "I didn't kill my son!" Vanessa finally spoke up, the pain clear in her voice. "You think I purposely got my son killed! I wish it was fucking me! I wish every fucking day that I was the one who died and I know you all wish it too! You wished it when Mama died and now you're all wishing it with Rocky gone," she continued, tears rolling down her cheeks. All she wanted right now was to drown herself in vodka but she couldn't right now with Nate of all people here and Kai catching onto her habits. Vanessa fell into herself, slowly breaking down for the first time in a long time. It was like everything came flashing before her. She knew her family hated her, knew her family didn't nor ever loved her, and it was all just resurfacing. She looked up for a second, puffy eyes immediately going to Kai and mouthing "stop". If Nate was already dropping the F word to Kai, it would only escalate from there.

Nate: "It should have been you," he spoke sternly, not bothering to even look at Vanessa. His full attention on Kai. He shoved Kai in his chest forcefully putting him back in his chair. "Don't get loud with me, Malachai. You think because it's just you here now you're the man of the house? He died because your sister didn't know who the fucking father of Rocky was. If she hadn't been whoring around there wouldn't have been an appointment. You let her go to that appointment alone. You're just as much to blame as those fucking Bells. This is your last straw, Malachai, last fucking chance. You want to learn what it's really like to be alone? You wanna get sent away too? Don't push me."

kai: "Like it shouldve been me when mom died? Bet you loved telling an 11 year old that everyday for months," He spoke bitterly, a groan falling from his lips as he was shoved back into the chair. His head snapping up to meet his gaze. His words sinking in and knowing there was plenty of truth to them. "I shouldve gone youre right," He spoke, "But you know who else couldve? You. You know who couldve stopped Vince being involved from the gun? You." Shaking his head, "Im already alone Nathaniel. This place is simply room and board at this rate. We arent a family, weve never been a family. father and yourself have made damn sure of that,"

Vanessa: heard the garage door opening and looked to her brother with desperate eyes. Thankfully, Nate walked out to the front to meet up with their father who no doubtly wouldn't even bother even saying hello to any of them now that his precious son was here. Vanessa waited a moment til their brother was far enough, "You're not... you're not a you know what," Vanessa whispered, not even daring to call him the F word. She hated the way Nate spoke and treated Kai. Kai always got the worst of Nate's anger especially since the youngest came out; usually Vanessa was there to defend him but in this moment she was being beaten down so bad she couldn't think straight. "I'm glad it wasn't you," she added.

kai: 's eyes shifted to their sister, his eyes soft at the look on her face. he could see how affected she was by nates words, the fire in kai only growing. shaking his head as she spoke, "he cant say anything I didnt say to myself for years. I know the stigma around bi men, as shitty as it fucking is," He shrugged, "Everything he said about you isnt true V. You arent useless or an idiot, youre an amazing human. Im glad youre my sister," He spoke, a smile gracing his lips as she spoke, "Im sorry you lost your son V, neither one of you shouldve been lost that day," He spoke softly, himself and V being the closest to Rocky, it hit home hearing Nate talk about him. As if he had a relationship with him.

Vanessa: "But you're not, I'm not going to let them send you away. I'll take whatever daddy has to throw. I won't let you be alone," Vanessa spoke. She got up from her seat, moving to sit in the one next to Kai. "I love you, little brother," Vanessa spoke, putting her head on his shoulder. The conversation was all too much, but everything Nate was saying was true. She believed every last word. She was useless. She was a slut. She was all of it and worsy. "It should have been me," she mumbled.

kai: "I like what I like, no one can get mad at me over that. Not logically, i aint doing harm," He shrugged, " We're never alone. As long as we got eachother we'll be ok," He spoke, resting his head on top of hers for a moment. "I love you too big sister," He knew her gears were turning, knew every word nate spoke was on repeat in both their brains. "It should've been me too," He spoke softly

Vanessa: "No harm, though, you could have better taste in men," Vanessa teased. "You think things would be different if Mama was still here? Or that she'd turn on us too?" she asked weakly. She knew her mother loved them, know deep down in her heart that Malachai and Vanessa whom she always joked were her precious little twins considering how similar they looked (way before the blonde locks and the shaved pink hair), but she also knew that her family wasn't perfect. That her father's heart was cold long before their mother's death. Would he have turned their mother cold too. "At least if it was both of us, we'd be with Mama..."

kaii: "as though you got any room to talk on that front," he teased, rolling his eyes jokingly. His smile falling as he thought of his mothers, the words of his brother ringing between his ears. "I think Mama wouldve looked out for us," He spoke softly. His connection with his mom strong from the jump, he was a premie baby. So he needed the extra love at the beginning, and not much has changed in his relationships since. But himself and the two females of the house were practically attached at the hip, having inside jokes and comments, little memories that no one else could recall. Their mom being the reason people never knew if the two siblings were twins or not. Their family was a mess, no doubt about it. Anyone looking in could see that they werent a family, but merely people coexisting in a home that became a house the day their mother lost her life. And thats what finally caused Kais tough exterior to break. All the memories and thoughts of his mom came rushing back, the ones he had pushed aside since that day in the car. Tears flowing but his face never changing from its stoic expression, a part of him scared that his father or brother would walk through the door. Calling him a fairy and other terms because he was showing emotion. "I miss her so fucking much.."

Vanessa: "the men i date are the best of their groups thank you very much," vanessa replied, sticking her tongue out. she took a deep breath, noticing how silent her brother had become. she shouldn't have brought up their mother. it was a sensitive topic for vanessa, but she wasn't there when their mother died. she wasn't the one who had to watch them pull her lifeless body out the car. vanessa turned to kai, right away seeing his tear stained face. she quickly used her shirt sleeve to wipe away his tears, ears listening closely for footsteps. the last thing they needed was either of the elder montgomery men coming in and seeing kai in tears. it was already world war 2 in their house, things didn't need to be worst. "I miss her too, but I need you to be strong for me right now? Okay, KK? I wouldn't ask this if I didn't think you could do it. Daddy can't see you like this. Just go to my room and lock yourself in there for the night, they won't bother you if they think it's me in there. I'll stay out here and deal with Daddy."

kaii: He allowed her to wipe his tears, tilting his head back as he caught his breath. He knew better than to be showing emotion, given that the two people he feared the most were beyond the door. But everything had become to much for him, every decision made in his life flashing through his mind. A gut feeling telling him she wouldnt be proud of him, and that hurt more than anything could say to him. He nodded to her words, "I know I know," He spoke quickly, rubbing his eyes slightly, "After all this I will. Im not leaving you with them alone,"

Vanessa: "Go." Vanessa said more forcefully. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. Vanessa knew all too well how their father was towards Kai. She never protected him from it, just hid in her room and pretended to be interested in whatever Nate was talking about in order to have someone to keep her from fully freaking out. "Whatever they do to me isn't going to hurt me as what they do to you. Go."

kaii: "No," He spoke with a headshake, "we're in this together V, from now on. You and me," He spoke with as much force as her, "We cant protect one another if one of us is just running off," He spoke, not meaning the double meaning behind his words, and not realizing till they were already out of his mouth, "We need to be united, it has to work,"

Vanessa: "United."

#para

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chamibii · 5 years ago

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Boundaries - Sneak Peek

So, I'm posting a continuation of "How does that make you feel". I'm actually gonna sit at my computer and type this up and not be a trash ass person and stress my note app out 🤣 but, enjoy this sneak peek! A few warnings: slightly NSFW and assault ((both physical and sexual))

***

Bakugou sat in the lobby impatiently tapping his foot. He checks his watch, again, and looks towards the door. What the fuck was taking him so long?

The receptionist peered over her glasses to give him a dirty look. "You know he can seriously get in trouble for this."

Bakugou flips her off and keeps tapping his foot.

There was a faint crackle and Midoriya's voice rang out over the intercom, "Bakugou, that was rude. You really ought to apologize to Hagakure."

Bakugou sat with his arms crossed and averts his eyes. He could feel the smug bitch looking at him.

"Progress is a process Bakugou. Don't take two steps back over a simple apology."

Bakugou hates that damn intercom system. He sighs and barks out an apology. "Sorry."

"Good job Bakugou. You can come in now."

Bakugou walkd past the receptionist desk and hisses out, "jealous bitch".

Hagakure gasped and clutches her chest.

Bakugou enters the office and leans over the desk to place a chaste kiss on Midoriya's lips. "You either have to schedule my appointments later in the day or stop demanding I'm so loud while we're fucking. That jealous extra is pissing me off."

Midoriya laughs and guides Bakugou around the desk to pull him in his lap. "Hagakure is concerned that I can get in trouble, but she won't say anything."

Bakugou sighs softly as Midoriya nuzzles his neck.

They were in a weird psuedo-relationship. Bakugou continued therapy once a week with Midoriya and Midoriya came over nearly every night to fuck Bakugou..hard. Bakugou still hadn't acknowledged his feelings for Midoriya, but he seemed to be okay with how things were.

"Where'd you go Kacchan?" Midoriya whispers softly against his neck.

"Nowhere, I'm here with you."

"Should we actually have a session today?" Midoriya wraps his arms around Bakugou's waist and pulls him in closer. "You up to it?"

Bakugou tenses up at the question. Midoriya pulls back and looks up at him. "Tell me what's bothering you Bakugou?"

He leand into Midoriya's chest, hiding his face. "I-had the nightmare again."

If there was one thing he was good at, it was his job. He loved being a bartender. He thrived at night and was able to truly be himself. No one told him what to do and how to do it. He just had to mix a strong drink, flash a smile, maybe show a bit of skin, and the patrons became regular and the tips rolled in.

"Hey beautiful", a familiar voice called out.

Bakugou rolled his eyes and turned to face Mineta, a regular at the bar.

"What're you having tonight Mineta?"

"Hopefully you."

Before Bakugou could respond, Kirishima, his best friend, groaned loudly. "Really bro? How many dudes have fallen for that line?"

Mineta's cheeks were dusted red with embarrassment. "I wasn't talking to you, hair for brains."

Bakugou slammed down a mug and placed both hands on the bar to lean in close to Mineta. "You can either respect me and my friend, or you can fucking leave my bar. Got it?"

Mineta placed a hand on top of Bakugou's and leaned in closely. "Sure thing, sweet cheeks."

Bakugou snatched his hand back and sneered with disgust. "Are you drinking or not man?"

Mineta placed his usual order, sat in his usual seat and drank until last call.

Kirishima and Bakugou were closing down the bar that night. Bakugou knew that Kirishima had a boyfriend at home and he didnt want to make him stay for a job that was realistically a one person job.

"You sure you're good to stay alone? That fucking perv is still here.."

Bakugou pushed Kirishima towards the door. "Go, go. I can handle him."

Kirishima looked at him with concern. "You'll text me as soon as you get in?"

Bakugou rolled his eyes dramatically. "Of course Ei. Now go! Before Kaminari starts accusing me of trying to ruin your relationship."

Kirishima placed a kiss on top of Bakugou's head and hugged him tightly. "Be safe man. I'll see you tomorrow night."

Bakugou went back to wiping down the bar. He spied Mineta standing up on wobbly legs with his car keys in his hand.

"A little help getting to my car Bakubro?"

Bakugou grit his teeth and took a deep breath. "Unless you plan on sleeping it off in your car, I've already called you a cab. You can sit in here until they come."

Mineta muttered a quick thanks and sat at the bar.

"Y'know, I bet I can fuck you better than 'shima can", Mineta slurred.

Bakugou clenched his fist and willed himself to calm down. He knew the man was just drunk.

"I mean, have you even seen my dick dude? Like its fuckin huge."

"I highly doubt it." Bakugou snapped.

Mineta's eyes flashed with anger. Bakugou sighed and attempted to soothe the angry man.

"Look, it's been a long night--"

"Shut the fuck up, faggot."

Bakugou's head snapped back as if he had been hit. "What the fuck did you say to me?"

Mineta came around the bar and grabbed Bakugou's wrist tightly. He attempted to wrench away, but the man had a powerful grip.

"I said, shut the fuck up faggot. You prance around in your tight ass jeans showing off your cock and your crop tops to show off your fucking dormal, whatever the fucks, and you get mad at ME when I take the bait? You're such a fucking cock tease."

Bakugou felt a mixture of fear and rage; However, neither emotion was enough to snap him out of being paralyzed. His chest rose and fell rapidly. Mineta leaned in close enough for Bakugou to smell the stale stench of beer on his breath.

"I'm tired of you teasing me. So I'm just gonna take what I fucking please." Mineta's thick rubbery lips crashing against Bakugou's and his clammy hand sliding down his pants was enough to push him into action.

Bakugou grabbed the closest thing to him and smacked Mineta in the head. He released Bakugou's wrist and stood blinking in shock. Bakugou felt something within him snap and he pounced on the man, pummeling him with closed fists. He didn't stop until he felt a pair of hands pull him off.

When he looked down, he saw Mineta bloodied and crying. He pulled away from the hands and saw the driver shaking. "I already called the police.. they're on the way."

Bakugou backed away and sat on the floor of the bar sobbing. The police alerted the owner of the assault and Aizawa showed up, eyes heavy with sleep.

"Help me to understand why one of our regulars is in the hospital with a broken eye socket, nose, and a severe concussion."

"He's fucking lucky that's all I did to him Shota."

"Look, I know your temper is explosive, but you gotta use your goddamn head. Good thing for you, I have hidden cameras in the bar so, we do have him assaulting you on tape."

Bakugou breathed a sigh of relief.

"But, you're on leave. Something like this can fuck you up and make you more explosive than you already are. So, you need to go see a therapist. You cannot return to work until he gives you the all clear."

---

"In the nightmare, I'm not able to stop him.. and he--he--" Bakugou feels hot tears sliding down his cheek.

"Hey, hey, I got you. Okay? You're safe." Midoriya places a kiss on Bakugou's forehead. "You attempted to set a boundary by demanding his respect. That's a good thing Kacchan."

Bakugou feels weak and vulnerable, just like he did that night. "Why didnt I move? Why didnt I push him away?" His voice was soft, barely audible.

"People often think of our reactions being just fight or flight, but theres a third one: freeze. It's a natural reaction to being cornered. You weren't weak."

Bakugou presses his palms hard into his eyes to stop his tears. He sat up straight and took a deep breath. "You know, when we actually have sessions, you're a really good fucking therapist Izuku."

Midoriya laughs and pulls Bakugou's face to his and kisses him softly. "I know", he whispers against soft lips.

#bnha deku #bnha fanfiction #bnha #bnha kirishima #bnha bakugou #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakudeku

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laufie · 6 years ago

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here’s a fun story about a creepy dude/stalker i had. it was a strange situation at the time, and i realize in hindsight i should have been much more scared, but it’s been over 10 years so i can just laugh about it now. it doesn’t describe anything traumatic or graphic, but it’s quite eerie.

anyway, i was about 15 or 16 years old at the time, and it had been just over a year since i moved to canada from ukraine. i still used vk (russian equivalent of facebook) frequently to chat with friends, and had an inside joke in my bio about taking LSD. i wasn’t actually taking anything, as i said it was an inside joke.

out of nowhere, this russian dude sends me a pm about how if im really taking LSD i should be able to name some specific formula or dosage or something. i explained to him that it was an inside joke and i know next to nothing about the drug itself, and he laughed it off. we started talking because i noticed it said on his profile that he currently lived in new york, which was a place i’ve always dreamt of visiting. we ended up talking every day about random things, mostly his love of new york and the array of recreational drugs he does.

he didn’t seem dangerous. he never talked about heavy drugs like heroin or meth, and was heavily against them. he was russian of course, as he was in new york only temporarily, so i felt a sense of connection to him, since i was still overcoming the cultural shock of moving to canada. to my mind at that age he didn’t seem like he had any bad motive. he didn’t ask especially prying questions, he was always nice and well-spoken, and enjoyed philosophical discussion. he gave off a vibe of a trustworthy person, which is a note of positivity that would have persisted throughout this whole story...

had he not been 7 years older than me. an important detail that slipped through the cracks at the time - he was 22 when i was 15. i knew he was more mature than me, but as far as i remember, i never actually got to find out his age back then. in hindsight of course, aside from the glaring age difference, he did give off red flags. calling me much more mature than other girls my age was perhaps the most glaring one. at the time. and of course, the constant glorification of drugs.

mind you, this was more than 10 years ago. the internet was a different place at the time. there was no tumblr or twitter or adults that grew up using the internet to tell me to be careful as a minor. people did whatever they wanted to and got away with it. so naturally, i didn’t catch any of the red flags, neither was i even on the lookout for them in the first place.

skip forward nearly a year, my mom knows a lot about this guy, since i’m quite open with her about, well, everything. my mom has always been my best friend. that summer we were planning a 3 month long trip home, to ukraine. him and i thought it would be cool to met up, since by now he was back home in russia. for reference, ukraine is to the far left side of russia, whereas this guy lived on the polar opposite side, on a piece of russian land that is right above japan. he would have to fly across the entire russia to see me. russia. you know, that massive thing? he was perfectly fine with it. i convinced my mom to let me meet him, and she said only if he stays at our place. naturally.

he came for only a couple days. our apartment back home is quite small so with my mom and constant family guests, there was always a pair of eyes on him. it got a little bit strange eventually. he was touchy, but not in an inappropriate way at all. i’m sure it’s not due to his personal decency, and rather because he would most definitely get caught. he would try to hold my hand, or brush my hair off my face, pat my head. things like that. it didn’t go beyond that. but to me, at the time, it was a grown adult man doing it to me, which gave me an unsettling anxious feeling.

on his last day he wanted to go out because he wanted me to try a drug that he had been talking about the entire time i’ve known him. i would prefer not to go into what it is, but it has a heavy hallucinogenic effect that lasts for a very, very long time. naturally he told my mom he just wanted me to show him around, and i was in on the lie. i was curious. my mom was always very strict with coming back home right on time, so we promised her we will be home by 10 pm.

we went out at around 5. and it lasted longer than he promised. way longer. we came home at 3 am. despite the hallucinations being quite heavy and mind-boggling, the effect of the drug didn’t make me feel “out of it”. my perception of time and space was obviously very skewed, but i knew who i was and where i was, and what was happening around me. he didn’t try anything. there wasn’t even as much as an attempt. except, well, when i realized what time it was i rushed home so fast that i was not going to stop for anything. so i’m not sure. maybe the night wasn’t over in his mind yet, but it was in mine. i felt bad for my poor mother who had been worried sick since 10 pm. it was pitch black outside so i went home through a well-lit road that has a lot of cars. now that i think about it, i may have unintentionally saved myself from things getting worse.

i only stopped when we were outside my apartment, because i wanted to focus as much as i could before going in. he sat down on the bench and beckoned me to sit next to him. and he kissed me. i dont remember how exactly it happened but it just kind of did. i went along with it and didn’t say anything after, i went inside the apartment building like nothing happened. it was odd. i didn’t know what it meant, but i also didn’t care, because i wanted to see my mom as soon as i could, ad it was the only thing on my mind.

one look in my eyes and she knew everything. she told me to go to bed. i don’t know what she told him. i’m not sure she said anything. the next morning she asked me if anything happened. i assured her that i was safe. and then he was gone. she didn’t say anything to him. she just dropped him off to make sure he actually left.

after that we didn’t really talk nearly as much. we tried to keep in contact but honestly, i wasn’t as drawn to him anymore. eventually, out of nowhere, he posted some really mean and rude comments under a bunch of my pictures, and i ended up deleting him.

now for the creepiest part. nearly 4 years later we plan another trip to ukraine to visit family. i have some medical conditions with my spine that i needed to get very uncomfortable and painful massages for. my health is one of the main reasons why we took trips back home often. one day about a week or so into my trip i was leaving my apartment to get into a taxi to go to one of those massage appointments. i exit the building and there he was. sitting on the bench and just looking at me. 4 years later. not a word. across russia.

even though it was bright afternoon and a lot of people were out, i was overcome with dread. i awkwardly told him “sorry, i have to go somewhere” and rushed to get into the taxi. he didn’t say anything, just kept looking. on my way back from the massage i called one of my close old friends that worked in the UKR special forces. my mom wasn’t home and i did not feel safe returning. he picked me up and drove me home, and came in with me, all the way into the apartment, the guy wasn’t there anymore. i made my friend coffee and told him about this guy. he promised to drive by once in a while to make sure he isnt hanging out here at odd hours.

later that day at around 8 pm i got a text from an unknown number. “so, are you scared of me now?”.

i closed all my blinds and curtains, locked both entrance doors, and told my female friends not to come visit me, because he knew their faces. yes, i was scared. i was really scared. he didnt say a word to me in 4 years, somehow found out about my trip and just showed up. i wasn’t sure if i wanted to cry or scream. i knew i had to get rid of him somehow. so i responded, making up a story about being really sick and needing constant treatment, and that i made plans with all my friends to leave tonight to go to another city for 3 weeks.

he was angry with me and very upset. he expected a happy reunion i guess. i was very polite to him and apologized, saying i felt bad he traveled all this way only to be told this. he started writing really cryptic things. “i know a secret how to cure any illness of yours, you don’t need doctors, it’s like a code, you plug it in and you become anything”. “i came here to cure you because you’re the only person it will work on”. “i went to your page to ask your friends if your plans are true, but you have them hidden. why don’t you trust me anymore?”

among this he called me. over and over. between every message, a missed call i refused to pick up. eventually i broke down and asked him why is he acting like this. to which he said “because you are the only woman in the world i will ever be able to love this much”. i told him i was with someone and have been for 2 years, and to leave me alone. after a handful more cryptic messages, he stopped for a while. and ended it in a plea to forgive him. i didn’t respond to anything beyond the confession.

thankfully i had no contact with him since then, and as far as i know there have been no attempts from him. however, i don’t use russian social media anymore, and none of them are linked to any of my active “american” accounts, so to speak. so there is no way for him to find me. if you ever wondered why i never make my real name public and always go under aliases, this is largely why.

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theonethatcompletesyou · 6 years ago

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Christmas in Lights | Junmyeon (part 1)

Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Neighbor!AU

Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader Word Count: 2701 Warnings: None! Summary: Kim Junmyeon has been your sworn enemy ever since he beat you in the annual town Halloween decorating competition and now you will stop at nothing to beat him in the Christmas decorating competition. (This is part 1 of a 2 part story)

A/N: This was written as part of the @exo-writers-net December Collab Event! I was lucky enough to be partnered with @morkmywords I absolutely love all of her fics (I personally recommend Not Really a Cinderella Story and Peaches). And we’re sorta down to the wire on posting these, but better late than never, right??? @morkmywords wrote part 2!

PART 2 HERE

You looked up from your paperwork when the door to your office opened. Walking in the door was Kim Seju, a third grader and also your most frequent visitor. He was holding his elbow and had a small frown.

"Miss (Y/N)?" He asked with a frown.

You gave him a smile, "How's it going, Seju?"

He held out his arm out toward you, "I fell down and scraped my arm while I was playing tag."

You pressed your lips together, trying to not laugh as you reached for your first aid kit. This was the third time this week. This kid always got hurt in some way. Good thing your

He went over to his usual chair in the office and sat down next to you as you opened up the kit. You started to clean his scrape with the alcohol wipe. You started to talk to him to distract him from the pain.

"Any plans for winter break, Seju?" You asked, careful to not press down too hard to cause him more pain.

Seju winced, "Not really. It'll just be me and my dad this year. Dad doesn't have a girlfriend this year or anything so we don't have to go anywhere which is nice."

You nodded as Seju rambled on. You had already placed the bandage on his scrape but he didn't notice. You couldn't help but find his rambling endearing. At the mention of the lack of holiday plans, you had to hold yourself from scowling.

"So you and your dad are just staying home this year, huh?" You asked, a little bitter.

Seju looked at you, confused. "Yeah? But what about you, Miss (Y/N)?"

You shrugged, "I don't have any plans with family. My sister decided to go to the Bahamas with her husband. So I'm all alone this year."

For the third year in a row, you couldn't help but think bitterly. Well, you could blame it on her lavish lifestyle. She had certainly changed ever since she won the lottery.

Then again, she did gift you a house that you wouldn't have been able to afford on a school nurse salary. It was in a nice neighborhood, though you couldn't help but think it was probably the cheapest one.

You didn't have any actual plans for Christmas, but you had more important plans leading up to it. Possibly diabolical ones.

As if summoned by your thoughts, the door to your office opened again.

Walking in wearing a dark gray suit was Kim fucking Junmyeon.

He looked around the office confused until his gaze rested on you. He smiled wide, his eyes crinkling slightly.

"Knew I'd find you here," he said.

Not at you. But the boy sitting next to you.

"Dad!" Seju exclaimed, jumping out of his seat super fast and running to his father.

You watched as Junmyeon bent down to give Seju a hug. And if it were any other parent, you would have found this a cute scene.

Junmyeon locked eyes with you over Seju's shoulder, smirking. It made you seethe.

"What are you doing here?" Seju asked when he pulled away from the hug.

Junmyeon smiled and patted his son's head. "I'm pulling you out of school for your dentist appointment, remember?"

Seju pouted. "I hate going to the dentist."

Junmyeon laughed. "Well, if you don't have cavities, we can make cookies tonight, okay?"

"Really?"

"Of course!"

The bell rang, signaling the end of recess. Junmyeon nudged his son. "You go get your stuff and meet me back here, okay? I already talked to the office and your teacher."

"Okay!" Seju exclaimed, running out of the office. "Be back!"

Part of you hoped that Junmyeon would leave or wait outside, so your veins thrummed when he simply hung around.

"You going to the meeting later?" Junmyeon asked, leaning on your desk. You wanted nothing more than to smack his arms away.

"Do I really have a choice? Minseok would skin me alive if I skipped," you scoffed.

Minseok never forgave poor Baekhyun when he skipped a neighborhood community meeting to sleep early. He had put Baekhyun on cleanup duty for the three months after.

You locked eyes with him and he smirked. You wanted to slap it off of his face.

"I think he's going to announce the Christmas decorating contest tonight. Are you prepared to lose again? Ready for a repeat of Halloween?" he teased.

If you were a cartoon, steam would have been coming out of your ears. He laughed at your expression.

Seju opened the door once again, his backpack haphazardly thrown on. "You ready to go, Dad?"

"Yeah, let's go, buddy." He went to the door but turned around and winked at you. "I'll see you later, Miss (Y/N)."

Seju waved at you enthusiastically. "Have a good day, Miss (Y/N)! Thank you for the band-aid!!"

You gave the child a small wave back. You also tried not to look at Junmyeon's butt as he walked away.

You failed.

Shit.

Neighborhood community meetings were always interesting. You figured it was a perk to knowing everyone It gave you the chance to see people you were otherwise too busy to see due to differing schedules. Like Zhang Yixing, who travelled a lot but always made time to come to each meeting. And Do Kyungsoo, who always made enough food for everyone. Especially after the time Jongin was in charge of the food and gave everyone food poisoning because of bad fried chicken. It also gave everyone the opportunity to gossip like the catty housewives they pretended they wanted to be. Like Kim Jongdae, who was once again passive-aggressive in telling Chanyeol that his bushes were three inches too high for regulation. You had no idea if Chanyeol was playing dumb or if he genuinely didnt pick up what Jongdae was trying to tell him. You sat towards the back of the hall that was usually used for these meetings. You looked up when you felt someone take the seat next to you. Oh Sehun slumped in his seat, which you found odd because he usually had perfect posture. He sipped at his coffee that was usually provided at these meetings. His eye bags were dark and extreme. "Everything okay?" You asked. "I've been up for thirty hours," he mumbled. "Why?" He opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Minseok who stood at the podium. He looked adorable in his Santa hat. "I'm glad that everyone could make it today!" He greeted warmly. "We have a bit to talk about today but I'll cut to the chase with our more exciting news. We are hosting another round of our Christmas decorating contest!" You squeezed the hem of your skirt tightly in anticipation. "This year's theme is Lights! So make sure you make your house light up the night this year!" Minseok announced. He rambled on but your eyes trailed over to where you knew Junnyeon was sitting. You had been hyper aware of him ever since he entered the room. He looked over and locked eyes with you, a growing smirk on his face. You scowled. What a dick. "Are you still mad about him beating you on Halloween?" Sehun asked, you could tell from his teasing tone that he was amused. "Of course. What's passed is past. I just think it was ridiculous that he won even though Nightmare Before Christmas is clearly a Christmas movie and not a Halloween movie," you scoffed. "You're such a sore loser," Sehun chuckled. "Just you watch asshole," you grumbled. "I'm gonna beat him this year."

To say that you and Junmyeon had a history would be ridiculous. You had known him for a little less than a year, and for most of it you thought that he was a perfect gentleman. He definitely had his cool and suave sides, accentuated by the way he dressed in his suits for work. There was a charm about him that drew you to him immediately. It also helped that he was incredibly attractive. You felt yourself melt every time he threw a smile toward you. You could say that you harbored a little tiny crush on him. And then Halloween happened. Your neighborhood was famous—borderline notorious—for the Christmas decoration contest held every year. And for the last five years (including the first year that the house was gifted to you by your millionaire sister) the title for Best Decorator had been yours for the last five years. You were gifted a reindeer shaped statuette each year with the title Best Decorator and the year etched under it on its base. It was perhaps a little bit overboard, but you appreciated the sentiment and had each statuette proudly displayed on the mantle of your fireplace. So when a Halloween version opened up this year, you gunned for first place as well. You spent a lot of time researching fog machines and projectors. You went to haunted houses with the intent on taking notes on how to successfully make a scary aura. You had thought that your only competition would be Sehun, who thought that TP-ing his own house counted as Halloween decorating. Oh, how wrong you were. Kim Junmyeon won the title for Best Halloween Decorator. He had managed to turn his front yard into a recreation of a Tim Burton movie seemingly overnight. You could see elements of both Nightmare Before Christmas and Beetlejuice in his decoration. And because of it, he stole the title from right under your nose. It took you until almost Thanksgiving to get over the loss, but you had acknowledged Junmyeon as your rival. You resolved to keep your title for Christmas and crush him. You still adored Seju though, even though the kid got hurt enough at school to where you worried over him, seeing him was still the only good part of your day sometimes. You unlocked the door to your car only to freeze at what was inside. You looked around confused until you found a tiny card on your dashboard and opened it. You immediately ripped the card in anger. A door opened next door, Sehun was walking out, presumably leaving for work. You dropped the pieces of card on the ground and charged at Sehun, your hands wrapping around his neck. He yelped in surprise. “Why did you help Junmyeon break into my car?” you growled. “How did you know?” Sehun asked, voice barely escaping in your grip. “Only you are crafty enough to break into a car without breaking a window.” His eyes suddenly shined at the odd compliment. You thought that it was weird that he was flattered. “You think I’m crafty?” You nodded. “Like how Kevin McCallister from Home Alone is crafty.” You let go of Sehun’s neck, he bent over to catch his breath. “But that’s beside the point! Why did you help him do it?” Sehun shrugged. “He just asked me to do it and I did. He didn’t tell me why.” “He left a bajillion Christmas themed pacifiers in my car,” you said, frustrated. “Along with a card that said, ‘You might need these for when I beat you in the contest.’” “This rivalry you guys have is the weirdest form of foreplay,” Sehun wheezed, rubbing his neck. “What are you talking about?” you asked. Sehun rolled his eyes. “C’mon, (Y/N), it’s clear that you two have a thing for each other.” “I do not have a thing for Kim Junmyeon!” you exclaimed angrily, uncaring if the entire neighborhood heard you. “The way you stare at his butt begs to differ,” Sehun muttered bitterly. You rolled your eyes. In another world you thought you and Sehun would be a good match, but his interests more aligned with musicians who wore too many muscle shirts. Before you could open your mouth to reply—probably to tease him about his petty jealously—Sehun’s front door opened again, revealing Chanyeol who strided over to Sehun with his signature grin. “Sehun-ah!” he called out. He handed Sehun a paper bag. “You forgot your lunch.” Sehun smiled, eyes squinting into crescents. “Thank you, hyung. I appreciate it.” You looked back and forth between them. Sehun, as if remembering what was happening and where he was, looked at you panicked. “This isn’t what it looks like?” You quirked an eyebrow, “Good, because I don’t have the emotional capacity to unpack this right now. Just don’t help Junmyeon break into my shit ever again.” You turned around and stomped away. “I have an ass to beat this Christmas!” “Kinky!” Sehun yelled to your retreating back. You flipped him off.

You opened the door to see Seju shuffling nervously, holding a giant plastic bag in his hands. You blinked, confused, before shaking it off. You smiled, "Seju, how is your break going?" "Good, Miss (Y/N)!" Seju answered enthusiastically. He thrust the plastic bag at you. "I made these for you!" The contents of the bag looked questionable. Inside looked what appeared to be black star-shaped lumps. You hesitated to take them, but you didn't want to hurt Seju's feelings. "Thank you, Seju. What are these?" You asked. He tilted his head at you, confused. "Can't you tell? They're cookies!" You gulped before putting on a stronger, faker, smile. "Of course they are, how silly of me." "I made them to thank you for taking care of me!" Seju grinned. You were touched by the sentiment. "You're very welcome, Seju. Just be more careful when school starts back up again, okay?" Seju nodded, "Okay!" Deep down, you knew that nothing much would change. Seju waved goodbye as he went back to his house, leaving you with the bag of lump-shaped cookies. You closed the door and sighed. Should you throw them away? Another knock on the door startled you out of your thoughts. You opened the door again, surprised to see Junmyeon at your doorstep. He was most certainly dressed down. He wore a plain white shirt with gray sweatpants. His hair, not styled, was pushed out of his face by a headband. His hands were behind his back, and you could see the tiniest peek at how defined his chest was. How did he still look so good even in casual clothes? "Hi?" You asked. "What are you doing here?" Junmyeon sighed. "Whatever you do, do not eat those cookies." He revealed another plastic bag from behind his back. This time, you could clearly see that they were cookies. You gingerly took them from his outstretched hands. "Why are you being so nice to me?" You asked with a glare. Junmyeon shrugged. "My son likes you." You rolled your eyes. "You're just buttering me up so that I could let my guard down for the competition." His lips quirked up in a teasing smile. "Is it working?" "As if," you huffed. "Delicious sweets won't work on me." You were about to slam the door in his face but stopped yourself. "Thank you, though," you mumbled. "I had no idea what I was going to do with Seju's cookies." Junmyeon smiled bigger this time, more genuine. "My pleasure, (Y/N)."

You walked out on your front porch and screamed. "What the hell is this?!" You dont know how, but overnight your front yard had become a reenactment of Nightmare Before Christmas. You had come face to face with Jack Skellington in a Santa costume, smiling in a way that unsettled you. There was a note sticking on his chest with your name written in neat scrawl. You instantly recognized the writing. You opened the note. 'You're right, Nightmare Before Christmas is much more of a Christmas movie than a Halloween movie. Maybe if I gave you these you'd stand a chance at beating me. --Junmyeon' You crushed the note in your hand and pushed Jack Skellington over, screaming. You spied Sehun out of the corner of your eye, who raised his hands in surrender and shook his head, wanting to let you know that he had nothing to do with this one. You stomped over to the rest of the decorations, pulling them down. Kim Junmyeon just struck your last nerve.

PART 2

#exodecembercollab18 #exowritersnet #kim junmyeon #junmyeon #junmyeon/reader #morkmywords collab #ITS STILL DECEMBER WHERE I AM SO THIS IS TOTALLY ON TIME #kiki writes stuff sometimes #mine

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avorty · 6 years ago

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the songs about motherhood - recently-

lucy dacus my mother and i

mitski class of 2013

alela diane never easy, and years before when she wrote ‘oh, my mama’ and sings about the daughter she will one day have

and thinking of all the times when i hated myself and my face for what it was doing to me and hated it so deeply, and i needed her to take care of me

i hated my face SO deeply its crazy to think about now

i have been thinking about the day of my last scheduled therapy appointment when before i was meant to go my mum said something about how my skin was looking much better than it did, and how it sent me so down... i told her to call gary and tell him i was sick while i cried in my room.. when she came in and tried to reason with me i remember sobbing and covering my face with my sheet, and she said, ‘well it does!’ and i said, it doesn’t MATTER!

being sick the past couple of days- i can only crave for my mums care even though ju is ready and willing to care for me... when julieta asked me last night whens the last time she saw you naked, when you were depressed maybe? didn’t she have to bathe you

and i said i would never let her do that even if i needed it, and wanted it

i say to julieta, remember, i had to force them to tell me that they loved me

talking to ekow today about how i feel the need to move to montreal almost to jumpstart my 20s, because i don’t feel like i am pushing myself enough here to make the meaningful connections that will help me grow as an artist/as a person. but the comfort i have here is so rooted in receiving love i didnt have, tangibly, for so long, it feels like such an abandonment to leave it, and so heartbreaking- when not nearly enough of it has been absorbed into me. when mitski says ‘mom, i’m tired, can i sleep at your house tonight? mom, is it alright, if i stay for a year or two?’ its the feeling of needing to be taken care of and wanting to absorb it so to better function out there, in the open, to suck it all up, to feel capable, and big. how is mothers love and care so powerful and healing and addictive all in one

and later, we talk about my book in my bag- women, eating, and identity and the ideas within: how the linkages in reasoning of disordered eating patterns are intergenerational, and these are inherited things.. talking about how could they not be? when the connection between mother and child is so closely knit, if not strong, then power within it, power of something

constantly thinking about how much she gives. i think about how much every mother gives and has given. i think about what bridget said once about how your autonomy is lost, how she found it so important to take care of herself when she could. it makes me know that having children is not something i can ever take lightly. i have to be healed, completely, and ready to give it all away- not expect the same in return, although i will have much, much joy - but not feel it is that equal - parenting will be lonely and hard but also magic and joyous

thinking about me and julietas baby together and how it would be, although i haven’t delved that far into it yet.. i only know she is a good partner because she is so calm, reassuring, and rational, when sometimes i, like lucy dacus says, dig my heels in

to move away i have to forgive! i have to remember the importance of all of this and all the work that has been done. all the pain that i have inflicted on her, especially when i was so sad. and it hurt her so much because she didn’t know what to do

how you can never know until you know. i want to talk to alice about this, about what she dreamed jasper would be like, if she dreamed about him before he came to her. i think a lot about nirrimi’s writing about alba and about how she knew her before she came to her, how she had been dreaming for years of the daughter she would have.

how my mum always said i she knew i would have a beautiful voice, that i knew how to sing, because she sang to me as a baby, she was convinced that was the truth

you have to hold on so tight! i had so much resentment about feeling like that wasn’t the case for me, i won’t let it happen with my baby. but i know she did what she could for me. and her mother taught her the best she could too. there is pain there, same with my dad, and i carry it all for them on my back daily, not knowing where to place it. conceptualize a place in your new home where you are free from it, not entirely rid of, because it makes you, but maybe you leave some of it in this house. it doesn’t have you be mine. all i have to do is forgive them, and then let them see me

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oh-for-fic-sake · 5 years ago

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Ghosting A Wayne

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult content +18 only!! Smut, Agegap, Swearing, A Little Angst?

A/n:Ok so this is the first real full smut iv done and im super nervous about posting this one i hope its good but if its shit im sorry hope you enjoyxx

After getting cold feet because of your own insecurities you get a visitor pick you up from work.

Ghosting A Wayne

You sighed as you pulled out a batch of cookies from the oven placing the three large trays out on the cooling racks today was a baking day to fill the display out the front ,you'd been alone with your thoughts all day and were just about done, glancing at the clock you fist pumped the air. Home time. You quickly undone your apron hanging it on the hook by the kitchen door then called out to Tom that your shift was done.

After your first lunch date with Bruce you intended to leave it there but the man was very persistent... and charming somehow he'd managed to talk you in circles and wrangle a second date and third and forth. you'd canceled your fifth using work as an excuse and he bought it for about a week, then he began asking when you were free telling you to call him giving you his personal number which you didn't call.

That worked for about three days before he began messaging you about a date you replied with excuses it seemed to work until he showed up at the door to drop Damien round instead of Alfred, Jack had covered for you not letting either of them in saying you were ill. It wasn't that you didn't like him or anything you were scared, scared of getting hurt he was amazing a perfect gentleman he made you laugh he took you to fancy places but didn't make you uncomfortable even going so far as to berate another guest as he heard them make a comment of the restaurant 'letting anyone in these days' when he was returning from the rest room , you felt special and safe with him.

But he was The Bruce Wayne and nothing would ever come of it. Someone like you had no right to be with someone like him, he deserved a high class well educated successful woman not a minimum wage cafe worker who dropped out of college. You found yourself growing to attached to him and it had frightened you. Not only that but what would people say when they found out, probably think your a charity case or a gold digger you could see the headlines now ' The playboys new sugar baby' with photos of you plastered across the tabloids you shivered.

Damien had spoke to you about it he was far to smart for his own good telling you your being a 'stupid female' and that you should just talk to Bruce about it, Jack also scolded you for being stupid and letting your insecurities hold you back.

The boy had been soo happy for you when you were going out with Bruce, he admitted that he felt responsible for you being alone and not having friends or a boyfriend it broke your heart, hearing how he blamed himself for it, yes it had been hard taking on a 8 year old at 20 years old and yes you did need to grow up quicker then most and avoid the typical early twenties drinking and clubbing but you wouldn't change a thing. When he had brought it up you both had a heart to heart and you were gobsmacked at just how mature he had soundec. He told you that he didn't care about Bruce being Damien's dad or that he was older than you, he was happy that you had someone who made you happy and wanted you to got out with him again and be happy. The boys didn't understand.

"Tom I'm finished don't touch the cookies before they cool you can have one to test but that's it theirs 48 here I've counted, so if you have anymore I will know its you, you greedy little shit" you said opeing the door you walked straight into him he was wide eyed pointing out to the font over his shouldet. You froze thinking the worst it was gotham afterall.

"Oh my god tom?"

"You have.. Out the there.... Man front" he said not making any sense you pushed past him through the door

"whats wron-"

"y/n!" you snapped your head to the counter seeing Bruce standing their ignoring the odd looks he received from the other few customers scattered about in the cafe. You slung your bag over your shoulder cradling your coat in the other hand cursing quietly. Scanning the cafe for a quick exit wanting to run. There was one way in and out and he was between you and the door. Giving in you plastered on a polite smile.

"Bruce what are you doing here?" you asked tentatively due to the blank look on his face unsure what mood he would be in after you ghosted him. Making your way around the counter he followed on the other side meeting you at the end.

"I wanted to take you out, Jack told me when you finished so I thought I'd come pick you up for dinner" you felt the gazes in the room shift from him to you and the whispers started. Bruce held out a hand taking your coat from you while you tried to come up with a reason not to your anxiety screaming at you to run. You sighed at him biting your lower lip raw he lifted a hand pulling it gently forcing you to release it. He smiled meeting your eyes trying to calm you.

"Bruce I don't feel like going out tonight can we reschedule?" hooking his arm around your waist guiding you out of the cafe past the gossiping customers opening the door for the both of you pressing himself to your back giving you no room to bolt away. Hed catch you anyway.

"Good news, we don't have to go out Alfred is making us dinner back home, so we get to have a relaxing night in." you nodded as you left walking down the street feeling your nerves spike as you realized there was no reason to avoid this. He kept pace with you to the side arms ready to dart out and catch you as you glanced around a little skittish he ushered you into a ridiculously expensive Lamborghini and took off down the road.

"So that's Tom then? the one you were talking about?" he started you were confused as he acted like you hadn't been avoiding him for the past week and half you just nodded.

"Err yeah that's him we get along work really well, I was doing all the baking today couldn't handle the customers they were doing my head in." he nodded placing a warm hand on your knee running his thumb in small circles you took a deep breath.

"I know what you mean, had a lot of meetings today with a bunch little men wanting me to over invest in companies that wont last the financial year" you tensed as he left his hand on your leg still navigating the traffic, you tried to shift your led from underneath him but he just followed squeezing it lightly making your breath hitch and clench your walls tight.

"Sh-shouldn't you have both hands on the wheel in a car like this?" you asked quietly he laughed giving you a mischievous look then you screamed as he let go of the wheel completely still picking up speed quickly.

"OH MY GOD BRUCE NO!" you cried leaning over grabbing it yourself he just laughed out loud placing one hand back on it the other still resting on your knee.

"Its fine I could probably drive this with my eyes closed, it's nothing like my other car" he said cheekily as he made his way towards the outskirts of gotham you swallowed nervously.

"yeah please dont do that"

"Don't worry I'd never let anything happen to you sweets" you blushed as he used the nickname he'd given you onde he found out about your sweet tooth and the fact you do all the baking at the cafe.

"He says after driving without hands." you scoffed looking out of the window as the scenery changed. It wasn't long before you pulled up to the manor. It was impressive you'd only been inside twice whilst waiting for Jack to get his things he thought it was the perfect place to hid from his dentist and doctors appointments. Once out of the car he lead you inside where Alfred greeted you both.

"Ah Master Wayne dinner will take another hour or so I'm afraid and Y/n its lovely to see you again." Bruce gave you both a look seeking an explanation for the first name basis.

"Have you met everyone in this house before me?" he asked sarcastically you smiled at him before Alfred took your coats hanging them up.

"Well sometimes the boys play about getting ready so Alfred comes in for tea whilst we wait and I've met Tim he has come over a few times drank my whole pot of coffee and left." he grunted before leading you to a small sitting room off to the side.

"We will be in here Alfred call us when dinner is ready." Alfred nodded smiling slyly before closing the door leaving you in private. You sat down on the leather sofa a nervous wreck looking around the opulent room feeling out of place, he took a seat beside you offering you a glass of what you assumed was scotch he sat and leaned in next to you. Relaxing as he took a slow sip of his drink.

"Don't look so worried the boys explained for you. Your scared of getting hurt I can understand that I don't exactly have the best record but I'm not giving up as you can tell."you looked down into your glass a little ashamed as you heard hurt laced in his words.

"I-its not that, its me I.. I love spending time with you I really do... but I dont think you should waste your time on me... thats all" he frowned you sounded so ...defeated , he didnt like it one bit placing his glass down putting two and two together. That he didn't know Damien said you were being a 'difficult woman' and Jack had said that you hadn't dated since school and were afraid of being hurt he summarised that it was because of him but it sounds like there was more to it then that. Bruce took a deep breath regarding you carefully.

"Waste my time? why would spending time with you be a waste. There is something between us, I have never felt this type of pull to a woman before and I'm quite determind to see you if you havent already noticed" he said sternly you shrunk into the sofa he sighed pulling the glass tumbler from you hand.

"Whats really going on? we were going fine then you just pulled back. I want this, us and I know you do to but we have to talk to each other." You leaned forward locking eyes with him feeling overwhelmed you shook your head pulling back he followed leaning back pulling you across the seat wrapping his arms around you pulling your face into his chest holding you, you tried pulling yourself off of him but he was to stronger than he looked. You Gave up then took a deep breath endulging in the closeness breathing him in.

"Talk to me please" he spoke quietly into your hair

"I cant, I just cant, your-I, you need someone better. And if people find out then what will they think? that I'm a charity case some passing fancy? that you'll get bored with and you will bruce. When you find some older succsessfull women who equals you. someone that I can never be for you. I wont be good enough for you and you'll see it one day" once you started you couldn't stop as the words kept coming your fears poured out after being kept bottled up since that very first date.Fears of loving him and then him leaving, or of what backlash Jack could face if you were painted to be a whore trying to capture Bruces attention, the cps could investigate if it seemed like you were becoming a party girl like what Bruce typically dated. Then there was the fact that the school could start being funny if word got out that you and bruce were together. But the main reason was that he was to good for you and you knew it. You heaved a breath feeling lighter yet your stomach churned he had been quiet throughout and you'd gotten yourself worked up shaking from your anxiety feeling sick to your stomach.

"I'm sorry I know I should have spoke to you instead but I... I was scared that you were going to realize I'm right and leave ...so" he hushed you rubbing your back lightly causing you to shiver and relax onto his chest.

"So you left before I could?" you flinched then nodded it sounded so petty when said out loud he moved sitting up a bit more dragging you with him not releasing you for a second, he would have preferred if it had all been about his past but now realized you had low self esteem you had fears about the future, the age gap, Jacks future and how people would judge you all of these fear were to blame. And he understood it must be daughting, but what got him most was that you thought he'd let you deal with it alone , that you were so scared of loosing him in the long run you tried to walk away now and that was all the proof he needed that you did feel somthing for him.

"Tell me something does Jack have a problem with you being with me?" he asked you shook your head instantly.

"No he loves it, he wants me to be with you he saw how happy I was he has been pestering me to call" he pulled his head away smiling confusing you.

"I can tell you that Damien is thrilled he has even been bragging to his brothers that I've found the perfect woman and they cant wait to meet you by the way the

and he threatened me before every date to 'not to fuck it up' so let me ask another question if Jack, Damien me and you are happy what does anyone else's opinion matter? it's our life why should we make ourselves miserable over a few tabloids that can be taken to court and be corrected? and I do have reporters that I trust with these type of stories one is a very close friend who I could give an exclusive to before any rumors get around and the press make up some nonsense. Not only that I know Clark wold print the truth if he knew that it involved the boys being bullied in the school." he let you pull back shocked you didnt think he would want anyone to know, you thought hed be ashamed of you.

"wh-what?" it was bearly a whisper but he heard it.

"You heard me sweets, Clark wouldn't let me down not with this and there are other reporters who I've trusted to cover stories of the boys in the past one phone call and I would have everything sorted and anyone who tries to make this something its not will feel the full force of my legal team." he leaned in giving you no time to reply kissing you deeply invading your mouth moaning into you. His tongue dominated your mouth taking your breath away he paused pulling you to straddle his waist you blushed looking down at him.Trying to put your weight on your knees conscious of your weight Bruce not having any of that tugged harshly pulling your weight on his thighs.

"And as for finding someone better I doubt it. I've said it before and I will say it again I want you. Not some stuck up model who's one surgery away from being on botched. The day we met I was floored and for the first time I saw what I truly wanted for me and my family. And it wasn't some highly educated business woman, no it was a sexy little mama bear who treated my son as her own." you gasped as he brought your hips closer resting you on his crotch before leaning forward capturing your lips again this time slow and deliberate pouring himself into it you, you moaned quietly as he rocked you across his groin. Pulling back for air

"So little miss now we have all that cleared up is there anything you want to add?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" you gasped out trying to collect yourself as you began getting tearful as you felt stupid for being so silly yet relieved that he hadn't thrown you out, he chuckled shushing you then moved biting at your earlobe .

"That's ok love I'm sure you'll make it up to me" he said kissing down your neck biting below your ear then lower to your pulse point feeling it race under his tongue before sucking harshly bordering on painful.

"o-OH Bruce" you gasped gripping his shoulder trying not to lean back to far and fall he noticed using and arm to hold you elbow resting on your waist curling his fingers into your low bun pulling slowly stretching your neck before him leaving marks up it you groaned closing your eyes trying to rub your thighs together as your pussy grew hot and clenched dampening your panties he ran his nose down your neck kissing your collar bone lightly.

"Aww sweety so desperate hm?" you whined squeezing his hips between your thighs again grinding softly against him he chuckled biting the top of your breast running his tongue along your cleavage unbuttoning your blouse with deft fingers then returned them to your hips pushing you harshly on his erection you cried out looking down panting as he dragged you slowly back and forth feeling him through his trousers was almost to much you fisted your hands in the crisp shirt covering his shoulders. He let out a breathy growl smug as you started trying to rock on him faster pouting when he held you controlling your pace circling you slow on his bulge dipping his thumbs into your pelvis tilting you catching your clit with every pass of your hips you shook your head eyes tightly shut.

"OH fuck shiiitt Bruce" he watched eyes blown as he built you up slowly drinking in your flushed face pouty full lips forming an 'o' as you let out high pitched cries his hands smothered your breasts squeezing them in his palms testing them before he tipped the cups down teasing your pink nipples to attention. You opened your eyes glazed over pleading with him.

"Please Bruce... I dont-fuck" you moaned high and louder almost squeeling as he pinched one of your nipples refusing to let go pulling your chest towards him by it until he could lay a sweet kiss to the other suckling catching it between his teeth nipping it letting go with a loud pop. You panted harder as he toyed with you, your body trembled as he pulled you closer to the edge your clit rubbed harshly against him and he growled relishing in the way your heat seeped onto him. He couldn't wait. He wouldn't. With a one sweeping motion you found yourself lying on the sofa with him hovering over you pulling your leggings down over your hips skimming your quivering thighs with his knuckles befor rubbing your calves and griping your ankles encircling them effortlesly, running his thumbs across the inside of them . Following bending as he went kissing your soft stomach and pelvis finally leaving a small kiss on your mound over your panties you moaned at that. He slipped your leggings off taking your flats with them you blushed as he stared seeing the wet patch you'd left on your panties crawling back up you exploring with his hands the whole way. Hooking a hand around to back of your neck he pulled you up into a bruising kiss needy as he angled his head to devour you deeper his other hand dragging your shirt from you by the back of the neck unclipping your bra and he went lowering you back down you blushed trying to cover yourself he growled pinning them beside you.

"Nooo you dont babe, let me see, show me" he ground out a deep gruntle sound that vibrated threw you trailing the tips of his fingers from your throat down in slow unpredictable patterns leaving goosebumps in his wake your nipples pebbled as he past them your whole body shuddered

"Fuck. Your stunning" you didn't meet his gaze it was to hot, posessive like he was claiming you already just with his eyes watching closely memorizing every freckle and mark on your skin, he let out a deep shuddering breath when you arched up inyo him as he fingered the bow on the waist band of your panties back and forth he brought his fingers lower and lower across your mound. You squirmed trying to buck up against him trying to get him where you desperately needed him whimpering pitifully. His response was to stretch out his fingers across your lower tummy and push you back down holding you still. You protested as his warm hand covered your whole mound and rocked forward trying to catch your clit on the heal of his palm that rested just out of reach.

"Such a greedy little thing. I think I'm going to have to work on your manners" he chided before using a hand to unbutton his shirt revealing a perfectly sculpted torso, you made a noise in the back of your throat that you didn't recognize at the sight of him, caramel skin taught over deliciously defined muscles and small thatch of hair disappearing below a teasingly low hanging trousers he let the shirt slide to the floor undoing his belt then slowly pulled his trousers over his hip grunting thrusting forward as it glided over his cock. You bit your lip still trying to move against his heavy hand he granted you a little mercy twisting as the wrist slotting his thumb between your lips seeking your clit and rubbing a figure 8 hard.

"AHH! F-Fuck BRUCE yes oh god-" you gasped deep breaths as he rolled your cilt around almost rough in his ministrations the fabric of you panties hieghtend the sensation you closed your eyes grinding yourself down on him tears leaked from them his other hand came up to your throat forcing you to face him.

"Look at me baby. come on let me see you... ah there she is good girl" he praised as you looked at him tears clinging to your lashes his hand still working you. Sobbing incoherently trying to buck up to him.

"OH fuck please-PLEASE let me come bruce please I'll do anything PLEASE" you breathed out hoarse gasping when your pussy weeped wetting the sofa below you he played you like an instrument taking you higher and higher you clenched and withered as you felt that familiar burn of an orgasm start in your lower tummy , almost cramping as it traveld lower to your pussy you chased it trying to rock harder just as you were at the presapice he stopped pulling his thumb away bit still pinned you down.

"AH! NO Br-BRUCE come back" you sobbed reaching out for him as your body hummed hot and quivering you gave up on finding his hand throwing yours between you trying to take over and force yourself over the edge. Soo close. Bruce was quicker catching them in one hand pulling them above you head. He watched waiting for you to come down from the almost high. Pouting all the way.

"You can count that as your punishment babe" he whispered huskliey into your neck kissing at the marks he has left. You cried out frustarated sweaty and exhasted.

"But im feeling a little mercifull tonight." you looked at him from below your lashes his heart skipped a beat seeing you look at him so needy and ready you looked so small,he could do anything to you right now but only wanted one thing. Shuffling back leaning down he placed an open mouthed kiss on your panties slipping his fingers in the sides draging them off before standing removing his boxers freeing his erection you gasped as it bounced up tapping his stomach ,hesitantly you reached out running a single finger along the underside from tip to base he jerked forward when you cupped him testing your grip befor stroking him he stopped you

"Fuck sorry babe but I cant wait." he growled out pinning you back down running his weeping head up and down your slit you tensed as he probed your enterance. Sensing your nerves he locked lips with you coaxing out your tongue sucking on it before licking in your mouth makeing obscene noises feeling you relax he took the chance and slowly begun stretching you around him ,you gasped at the slight sting pulling back rest your forehead on his grunting softly as he kept a slow steady pressure finally knocking his hips with yours you panted feeling your walls fluttering around him then squeezing

"shit Bruce" he huffed out a laugh flexing in response

"carefull there babe" you grunted feeling stuffed full as his head pushed against your cervix.

"Bruce please...HUrry up!" you clenched him stealing his breath from him he gave a playfull glare you felt a little tremor of apprehension as he repostioned your legs higher on his hips placing your heels into his lower back before plowing you into the sofa grunting and growling as his thrusts rocked your body you were by no means quiet as the veins on his cock massaged your walls with delicious friction he slowed then pressed himself tight against your clit rotating catching your gspot you bucked violenty against him head thrown back as you wailed he leaned up sucking and biting at your neck then resumed finding a brutal pace aiming for your gspot hitting it with pinpoint accuracy. You shook your head screaming out uncontrollably bucking begging for him to go harder, faster just wanting more. It wasn't long befor you saw stars letting out a silent scream tensing before you snapped cumming around him almost blinded as he rode you through it still hitting your spot faster if that was even possible before stuttering his hips holding himself tight locking you both together as he flooded you.

"OH GOD fuck FUCK yesyesyes good girl yes fuck" he moaned as you lay beneath him, limp body still quacking in the aftermath of your own end. He stayed still until he was soft catching his breath recovering before you removing himself he sat back on his knees watching as he leaked from you quick to scoop his cum and press it back within you, you whined still painfully oversensitive trying to pull away from his invading fingers. he chuckled as you squirmed utterly spent.

"nooo bruce" you whined as he prodded your freshly fucked pussy lighly grazing your abused clit causing you to whine at him pitifully jolting with every swipe.

"Aww baby are you sore?" you pouted at his words nodding he got up sitting you up handing you your forgotton drink you took it gulping it down ignoring the burn. he retrived his boxers throwing them on then a soft blanket covering you before scooping you up heading for the door.

"Bruce? what are you doing?" you asked gorgily already struggiljng to stay awake he leant down shutting you up with a kiss.

"We are going to bed you need some sleep before we continue." you blinked

"wha?" he grinned cheekily

"well how are we going to build up your stamina if we dont push past your exhaustion?" you almost cried just wanting to sleep.

"What about Alfred dinner?" you questioned

"He didnt make any I had to have a reason to get you here didnt I? he went to bed. and dont worry about Jack he is staying over in a room next to Damien's" you looked at him shocked

"What why was he here? do you think he could have heard me? bruce!" you panicked suddenly fully awake trying to wiggle out of his grip he laughed kissing your face.

"Oh my god what about our clothes? Bruce go back and shit we made a mess i need to clean that up..Bruce are you listening?" You created as he continued further away from the room youd just soild.

"he didnt hear you at all it was one of his demands when we planned this. And dont worry about the room or the clothes alfred will take care of it" he said scaling the stairs with ease taking you to his room

"planned? you who else knew? And what do you mean alfred will take care of it? no absolutly not that is embarassing" you argued as he kicked the door to his room shut behind him depositing you on his bed following you down landing above you kissing you again.

"me alfred damien and jack planned it but dick and jason knew too thats why they are scarce and alfred has cleard up worse trust me." he explained you stared at him in horror

"My little brother set me up with you?oh my god I'm not going to live that down and i need to clear that up its to embarassing for alfred to see" you cried he laughed out loud.

"Well I think its was worth it, and you can try and beat Alfred to it but that room will be ccleared up before sunrise and you won't be leaving this bed before then" he said snuggling up with you under the cover ,you made a noise as he tucked you into his chest his heart beat calming you making you drift into a peaceful sleep resting on his chest, feeling safe and sound wrapped up in him as he traced patterns on your back, sighing he was finally content a peace he hadnt known befor washed over him satisfied that he had found the woman that would complete his family, his chest swelled as he placed a kiss on your head. He wasn't ever letting you go now that he had you here. Glancing over at the clock, hed give you an hour or so to build up some energy before he woke you smirkjng to himslef planing all the wicked ways he was going to toy with you during the night. Oh yes the night was young and if Bruce had his way you wouldnt be leaving his bed tomorrow because you wouldnt be able to, thankfully you hade a few days off so he might let you recover. Then again he might not.

#bruce wayne imagine #bruce wayned fic #bruce wayne x reader #batmom imagines #batman x y/n #bruce wayne smut #bruce wayne x y/n #bruce wayne x you #dc x y/n #dc x reader

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legion1993 · 6 years ago

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December 23rd

A/N: this is for the 12 days of christmas challenge brought to us by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing & @like-a-bag-of-potatoes... this also happens to be for JulesTheQuirky’s Winter Holiday Song Challenge brought to us by @julesthequirky.. hope you ladies enjoy them all.

pairing: Jensen x Reader

day 10: Christmas ball

prompt: last christmas by cascada

summery: its a surprise!!!!

12 days Masterlist

this is the story about how you were invited to a christmas ball but you just got your heart broken. but the hosts wanted you to sing a song, a christmas song but up until recently (2 weeks ago to be exact).

you had happily been dating Jensen Ackles one of the actors on the hit tv show Supernatural, but the littlest things would just bug you basically you made a list and sat down one day to discuss what the future looked like for the 2 of you.

but Jensen had the same idea, your ideas didnt match so he ended things. but it was apparent that you were heartbroken. considering you hadnt left your apartment in the last week.

by the time you received the invite for the ball you had found enough courage to face the music as it were. to come back into the world and face your fans, face your broken rhythm.

so you RSVP’d to the invite and started deciding what to wear as the ball was tomorrow, but you knew that this party was all the hottest and exclusive guests only. and every single year you were asked ever so nicely to perform but someone AKA Jensen was also always asked to perform.

you hoped this year that you would have a chance to express your true feelings. for it was 2 years ago tomorrow that you confessed your love for Jensen as a tradition. so you definitely knew what song you would sing.

you had picked a long flowy dress that brought out your natural curves and your nature about the season. but it also reminded you of Jensen, and this was okay cause for this event it worked.

tomorrow arrived quickly. the event wasnt due to start till 7pm but you had to be there an hour early to do a sound check and a couple other things. so you got ready and my oh my did you enjoy spining around in that dress for a few moments before throwing on your heels, packing your clutch and walking out to meet your car.

upon arriving at the party, you told your driver to be on the waiting list for your text of when your ready to be gotten as usual.

looking up at the building you had yet to breathe but you knew it would be ok for soon it would be time to get up on stage and address the people.

you went inside got fit for your personal mic and heard a voice from yonder speak.

Jensen: "dude i broke up with her why the hell would i want to sing with her.?."

Jared: "she is miserable plus i kinda have been messaging her."

jensen: "why the hell are you talking with her.. what happened to the bro code."

jared: "cause she needed someone to talk her through her 2 weeks of solitude.... i was there for her. just listen to her rehearsal dude."

Jared nods for jensen to turn his head they both watch and listen as you do your warm ups.

stage hand: "when your ready... sing something so we can calculate your vocal patterns."

you stood still not knowing if this would be heard by many people... but you sang straight from the heart, channeling all your hurt, all your pain into this one song...

Y/N: "well baby ive been here before, ive seen this room and ive walked this floor, i used to live alone before i knew ya. and ive seen your flag on the marble arch and love is not a victr'y march its a cold and its a broken hallelujah..."

but at that moment another voice joined in your breaking tones against the protests of his best friend. but the voice made you stop singing it made you tense up.

Jensen: "hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah..."

but you were so scared of what may come out of your mouth that in your dress withiut your shoes you ran off the stage, and into your dressing room.

~meanwhile jensen is getting talked to by jared who is just looking out for your well being.~

Jared: “Jay you shouldnt have done that, this is the first time in weeks that you guys have seen eachother and the first idea you have is to scare her by joining her in singing that song. do you have any idea how much emotion she expelled when she sang that part of the song.?.”

Jensen: “what the hell is going on so badly that she would confide in you and not me? why would she confide in you and not me? what arent you telling me?”

Jared: “ever wonder why she was acting a little different, why she always took her time getting ready. why she started having to go to the doctor so much. why she got so emotional the day you guys split."

Jensen had to think about this for he had not noticed anything like that, well he had he just didnt say anything.

Jensen: "well what is her reasoning... and it better explain everything."

Jared couldnt believe how clueless his best friend was being... he couldnt believe how stupid he was acting...

Jared: "shes pregnant dude."

Jensen: "what? what are you talking about?"

Jared couldnt take it anymore his best friend was gonna drive him nuts if he didnt tell him.

Jared: "she called me the day you guys broke up, she had a doctors appointment and didnt want to go alone so i went with her... i saw it myself its true... doc said she is about a month along. baby is definately yours jay."

Jensen was so shocked at this point... he couldnt believe it you were a month pregnant, with his baby...

Jensen: "well i guess that explains a few things but why wouldnt you tell me.."

Jared: "cause it wasnt my tale to tell... but seriously dude if you want her back dont scare her please."

~Jensen knew he had to get you back but it wasnt going to be easy... thats when the party started~

announcer: “welcome one and all.. tonight will be full of love, laughter, dancing and song. tonight is gonna be the night of all nights. lets kick it off with some cocktails and a song... so every one grab your cocktails and i will introduce our first singer in a moment.”

the announcer came up to you and smiled.

Announcer: “thank you for coming i heard what happened through the grapevine. are you sure you want to go up there and sing.”

Y/N: “i cant sit and be afraid of the world and their opinions anymore.”

Announcer: “ok would you mind going first?”

Y/N: “k but if it looks like im gonna freeze cut the music...”

Announcer: “ok i’ll go introduce you..”

the announcer walks out on the stage as the crowd comes back to the center of the room...

Announcer: “ok so she just had a horrible break up but she still came out tonight here to sing something that describes what she is feeling here is Y/N...”

you turned on your mic pack as you walked out on stage to the beat of the music. you knew that anything else would have made you scared but you gave your best smile...

Y/N: “Last christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away... this year to save me from tears i’ll give it to someone special. Last Christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away. this year to save me from tears i’ll give it to someone special...”

you were not sure if you would be able to do the rest of the song but you had to try.

Y/n: "once bitten and twice shy i keep my distance but you still catch my eye tell me baby do you recognize me well it's been a year and it doesn't surprise me. i wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying "I love you" i meant it now i know what a fool ive been but if you kissed me now i know you'd fool me again."

thats when Jensen came up on the stage view slowly. it startled you knowing how close he was but it didnt make you stop singing instead you turned to face him.

y/N: "last Christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away this year to save me from tears ill give it to someone special."

you froze before continuing but Jensen instead pipped in..

Jensen: "a face on a lover with fire in your heart but im undercover but ive torn you apart... i mever meant to hurt you, now i know what a fool i was but if i kissed you now would you marry me.?."

you were shocked and just stood there in a shocked state then the music cut... the crowd just as shocked as you but anxiously awaiting your answer..

you instead of answering broke down into tears falling on your knees in front of Jensen you sobbed, for you knew that he knew about the baby...

Y/N: "im sorry Jay i should have told you as soon as i found out but i was scared, i love you Jensen Ackles. i would be honored to become your wife."

#quirky'swinterholchallenge #kari and ida's 12 days of spn christmas

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cold-arrow · 2 years ago

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Doctor's notes, entry ??

new fifth book, part 6

| The siblings, Casino royale |

Summary, things of note since last entry: entrance to the ship, (dinner appointment ) the Casino, the Savva game. opponent, Khuveith. the captain Lady Athalia, return to shore, meeting in the alleyway. We return to waterdeep, the library

| 1 / 7 |

fortunately, we were let onto the ship without to much of a hassle. We arrived early enough at the docks that we didn’t have to rush, and it wasn’t too busy this time around either, since the line by the entrance was pretty short. The bouncer thankfully let me pass, as soon as I mentioned being a returning customer. But when my “niece and nephew” tried to gain entrance, there was a bit or resistance. Something about Lym persona didn’t sit well with the bouncer. He must have either recognized her being similar to her brother Lehel, or just had a gut feeling, thinking that she’d be trouble. But luckily me and Baras were quickly able to convince the bouncer to let her pass, and the three of us quickly we went inside. (I guess we’ll have to be careful. especially if the lady in purple ( Athalia I think it was) is present as well tonight. We have no idea exactly what could be going on on this ship. So gues its better for us to safe than sorry. Try and keep our guard up. ) Lym and Baras were rather impressed by the luxuriousness of the ship, and took a moment to look around. And I was bit lost in thought when suddenly one of the staff spoke up and addressed me. I quickly recognized the lady from the last time I was aboard, and greeted her, before she asked if we had an appointment. in my panick, I started rambling. And that we didn’t or hadn’t made one yet, but if it be be possible, and there was still room, that I’d very much like to make one. I didn’t realize that she was refereeing to a dinner reservation though. So I guess we’ll have to partake in that, later. (I forgot as well, that I didn’t need an appointment to board the ship the first time, but… I only realized that after the fact. Atleast I hope the food is good.) | 2 / 7 |

like I mentioned before, it was a lot less busy on the ship this time around. With the casino itself being much less crowded as a result. Though it was nice to have some more breathing room, it didn’t seem like there were really any people playing Savva tonight. Most of the guests focusing more on the card, or dice games. A lot them just being young nobles, looking to spend the night here drinking, and playing simple games of chance for their night out. I was hoping to play a few games of Savva and see if I could maybe have some friendly conversations. To try and see if i could glean anything from them as to whether anything particuarly strange had happenend around here lately, on the ship. Or if they;d seen or heard about a certain tiefling, that been here a while back. but there didn’t seem to be much interest for games of Savva this particular night. I instead opted to just watch the space for a bit, and to just simply wait by one of the Savva tables to see if anybody ‘d be interested in a game later. Though luckily I didn’t have to wait for long however. For someone seemed to have to notice my invitation. Eventually, one the young nobles took the seat opposite me. A rather shrewd looking young man, by the name of Khuveith. And it seemed like he knew how to play, surprised there was someone who knew so as well here tonight. Apparently its not that common of a game. we had a few friendly matches, and some pleasant conversation. And he was able to clue us in a bit on what’s been going around on the ship lately. Seems that Lady Athalia, is indeed a regular on the ship, and crushes most if not all of her opponents in her Savva games. She’s often seen flirting with and chatting up the nobles that come to spend the night here. And usually leaves with them in tow, afterwards. it didnt seem like he knew much about the incidnent with Lehel however, or what happened Artan Rosolio. But he was able to give us a better insight as to going on’s on the ship atleast. After I managed beat him in our final match, he took his losses and returned to his friends, satisfied with the games he played, and not wanting to loose to much of his change. | 3 / 7 |

Lym in the meantime had struck up a conversation with the owner of the ship, and his pet octopus. She managed to get some details from his as well, and mentioned that her “uncle” was here to play some games of Savva tonight. Being surprised as well that I knew how to play, and curious for an introduction. Meanwhile, me and Baras had opted to watch over the room, while I taught him the basics and the rules for a bit. (Even Baras didn’t recognize it however, which was rather surprising. So whomever taught me, when I first visited the ship, must have really taking a liking to me -- to have shown me how to play… The guy mentioned it being a game originally from the underdark, invented by the drow. And the captain managed to confirm that, when he stopped by our table. ) Lord Dryland the captain and owner of the ship and the casino, apparently had some acquaintances from the underdark, and decided to bring the game to his casino after learning how to play himself. We talked for a bit, complementing him on the state of his casino and ship. And, he kinda just seemed like a friendly and pleasant old man when we spoke to him. Id initially assumed he;d be involved somehow, considering that a lot of the disappearances had something in common: his ship And the lady in purple. But he seems to be just a retired sailor with a rather succesfull business. and remarkably trained pet octopus. | 4 / 7 |

i don’t recall much from the conversation however, because while Baras and I had been keeping on eye on the room. The Lady in a purple dress had made her entrance, and sat down at one of the tables. And prior to our conversation with the captain. And another one of the guests had already challenged her to a game of Savva. considering that I didn’t really want to be impolite to captain, or give a way that we were keeping an eye on her. So I stopped keeping tabs on their table and game, and sadly missed most of their match. ( I would have very much liked to see more of how their game turned out though, since I was somewhat tempted to challenge her myself. ) After the captain had left however, Lym was bold enough to actually strike up a conversation with Lady Athalia, to both our surprise. Mentioning that her uncle had come here to treat them to a night out, and to play a bit of Savva as well, just like her. Just like the captain, she immediately became curious about us as well, after Lym mentioned the game again. And she more then happy to play a game or two with me, If I was interested in doing so. from what little I could glean, she’d easily crushed her previous opponent. So I was more than a little nervous as to whether id even be a match to her. But Lym and Baras managed to persuade me to accept her offer, so i tried to bury my nerves I could and introduced myself to her. I … stuttured a lot more during our game and conversation than I would have liked. And I was sometimes much more focused on the game itself, or distracted by my thoughts, to actually ask her about any of the things we came here for. Add to that the fact, that she is a beautiful and intimidating young woman, with supposedly some sort of strange magical abilities as well… I’m surprised I managed to keep even most of composure and wits about me. And somehow even managed to win a game or two against her. It… did seem like it took a lot more effort from my end however, to actually get ahead in our games though. than taht it did for her. But, similary to Lord Drylund, she asked me where I learned to play, and what our business here was, In yartar. I gave her the same explanation as the captain, about my first visit to the ship with Omrick. And simply mentioned that we were “on our way back to Waterdeep, but decided to stop by Yartar along the way.” … during our game, she did tell us a little bit about herself, (although remaining vague) , and the night that Lehel and Lord Artan were here aboard the ship. Apparently while Lehel was here that night, he thought that the game of Savva was incredibly easy, managing to amass quite a wealth of tokens during his stay here. But as far as she could tell, he didn’t seem to have any idea as to what he was doing. Which is a bit strange. And she seemed to recognize the name Artan when we mentioned it, but revealed little when we pressed her for more info. feigning ignorance. By that point she’d gotten a lot more serious with our games of Savva. We were playing a final game, having raised the bet. And where I previously managed to keep up with her well enough to stay ahead, it very much appeared to be the case that she’d been holding back, to match my level of skill. Our previous games had been an interesting challenge, spanning a bit less then a hour. But barely even 20 minutes into our final game, id pretty much been checkmated. Not wanting to drag things out, and finally recognizing that she’d already beaten me several moves, no matter what move I myself made. I gracefully conceded. atleast managing to keep some semblance of my pride, in realizing how she’d managed to do so, before it was too late.

| 5 / 7 |

she made to leave shortly afterwards, and it was only then that I fully realized that id been more focused on the game, then actually conversing with her. I gave her my thanks for inviting me to play, and that id look forwards to playing her again in the future, if she’d be interested. I Inquired as to where I might find her, If I ever was in the mood to to do so, or perhaps needed a Hand with something while I was here in Yartar. Im pretty sure it was fairly obvious as to what I was referring to But she didn’t mention much more than “that we;d be able to find her here on the Grand dame, if I wanted rematch in the future.” we left the casino not long after her as well. But the ship wasn’t due to arrive back at the docks just yet. And we still had the dinner reservation to attend to, that I accidently made. So we simply decided to wait till our table was ready and discussed what we should do next. unbeknownst to me and Baras however, Lym hadn’t remained idle during my game with Lady Athalia either. While We were we’re focussed on our match, she’d been apparently having a silent conversation with Lady Athalia as well, by some means of magic. she’d conveyed our intention of wanting to ask her about the recent events and disappearances on the ship. And explained a few things that we’d discovered ( including her possible involvement ) After which, she had Agreed, to meet us later, once the ship had docked. I must admit, that im impressed, I feel like she managed to accomplish a lot more than I did, with my games and conversations during Savva. So I’m glad I at least managed to give us the opportunity to acquire some information, by knowing how to play this peculiar game, and loosing some tokens. speaking of which, I did not account for the fact that the dinner was going to be so fricking expensive. While it might have tasted pretty good, it was not worth the exuberant amount of gold. And I had to ask the others to chip in for the meal, since id lost too much… much rather awkward and embarassing. | 6 / 7 |

once we finally returned to shore, we quickly left the ship, for Lym seemed to be in an hurry. Lady Athalia had left shortly before us, and lym seemed to be giving chase, or following her at the very least. Because it wasn’t until we met up with her, in an abandoned alleyway, that she actually explained to us the hidden conversation she had with Lady Athalia, during our game. once she;d found a suitable alleway, and we were alone, she dropped part of her confident demeanour and addressed us a bit more casually, albeit concerned. She admitted to being part of the thieves guild, The Hands of Yartar. But that she;d been working alone recently and… was in bad standing with them at the moment. And that she needed help. she’d somehow gotten herself involved with a dangerous individual named Oosith. A gentleman whom she;d one day met the by chance, and had taken a shining to her. Charmed by his charismatic nature, she’d agreed to working for him, and eventually even learned some of her psionic gifts that she now has. Promising her more wealth and power ad she continued to help him but the more she got involved with him, the less savoury things started to get. And when she eventually tried to leave, and cut ties with him, he had started to become aggressive and threaten her. Threatening to kill her, her friends and family. And considering she;d seen first hand how powerful he was…. She became too scared to leave. Now forced to listen to his demands and requests, and to do as she was told. so now, she helps him with acquiring victims, for whatever purposes he needs them for. Charming and luring the young nobles that board the Grand Dame, and taking them to a destination of his choosing. …

upon pressing further, she explained that when she “escorted: one of the nobles, that she led them towards an entrance into the sewers. Were they weren’t heard from again. None of the people that she had led there, had ever returned. Until lord Artan. And she’s not realy sure what that means. and too afraid to ask really

also upon asking, she didn’t seem to know exactly what happened to Lym;s brother. Which is a mixed blessing I suppose… but she confirmed that she did see him that night, but is not sure happened to him after leaving the casino.

(We Really need to ask him ourselves what happened, when we finally -- visit him)

we inquired as to whether she knew what exactly become of the nobles to were taken into the sewers, she mentioned one time seeing some sort of fish people, grabbing them and taking them away. They were --- rather ugly aquatic, but vaguely humanoid creatures. And from the sounds of it, it seems like they might be similar if not the same as what the Kuo Toa are rumoured to look like. We’ll… have to look into that at somepoint. I… thought they were just a myth, spoken off by sailors. But if they are actually real , and down there below the city…

this… certainly is getting rather complicated. If they are indeed down there and guarding the sewers, we will have to a bit more prepared I think, If we wanna go down there. Baras said he is running low on magic though, from having to cast alter self so often to remain incognito. (which I somewhat doublt. he mostly used the alter-self flask I gave himm with the alchemy stone. So I doubt he’s that spend. And meanwhile, I’m here, hanging on the every drop of alchemy I can spare, I case I need to heal somebody or provide any utility.)

but I suppose going back to the mansion would allow us to research a bit. -- It feels like were taking too much time though. and im getting more and more worried about Lehel.

*unrelated, but it seems that even with her psionic abilities, I was atleast able to provide somwaht of challenge to her. Which is a bit of a relief. And she did seem to feel a bit guilty for partially cheating with her psionic abilities and pocketing my tokens, after we agreed to help her out. She’s not really sure what to about her situation, and was relieved to hear we’d be going down there to hopefully take care of Oosinth and whatever else lurks down there.

after we finished with our questions, she guided us to the sewere entrance, before we parted ways. Advising her to lay low for a bit, until we look into the matter and gone down there. | 7 / 7 |

we headed back to Waterdeep after that, taking the time to rest up, and do some research before heading down in to sewers. Read up about how dangerous the Kuo’Tpa actually are first, and if we can learn anything about them before going down there. (and let Baras recover some of his magic.) the Kuo Toa seem to originally have been these piscine, underdark dwelling creatures. They are not particularly tall. Have a scaly and rubbery skin. And actually seem to have a fondness for trading. Especially things such as: bones, shells, gems, and fish. Which they smell like apparently as well. rotten fish... Wish probably isn’t much better down thre if they are living in the sewers. skilled swimmers. And… Oh! They apparently have… their skin seems to produces a slimy substance, protecting them from poison. And allowing them to easily escape… this… kinda sound vaguely similar to the slime that lord Artan was covered in. And I worry Lord Artan might have a larger issue then dehydration they are sensitive to sunlight, but are otherwise incredibly perceptive something about a culling ritual and a scary monster. not relevant. I… cant really find anything else that’s relevant to be honest. And nothing in particular as to what I was looking for. No known medical issues said to be associated with them or other conditions or afflictions, which doesn’t help. Just that their living environments, are breeding grounds for bacteria and disease. Which are harmless to them, but can be harmful or disadvantageous to other beings… hmmmm. Maybe, I can uncover more about Lord Artan’s affliction if I could study their living environment? But… that doesn’t really sound like any kind of excursion taht im gonna be looking forward to. | End of chapter |

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cryinggameff · 7 years ago

Text

Sixty Eight

Randi

Cayden was gone for work all week, and I was struggling being without him. He called several times a day to check in or just talk but it wasn’t the same. Being away from him was almost physically painful right now. It’s like the baby actually knew he was gone and made me feel this pull towards him.

The only thing keeping me going was that he had promised to take me away once he got back. He had been saying for several weeks that he was gonna bring me to Jamaica because I was all he could think about while He was there last. Until then I was just focusing on work and hanging with my friends. My mom was staying at the house currently because Cay called her behind my back and told her I needed her help while he was gone.

“Have some breakfast,” she said, pushing the plate to me.

“I’m not ready to eat yet, I’ll just have some juice.”

“You need some real calories, hows the baby supposed to grow?” She said. I looked down at my small bump, taking in what she said.

“Maybe just a little bit,” I mumbled, sitting at a chair. She made me a plate with way too much excitement and brought it to me. I started nibbling away and she watched my eat. It was just like Cayden was here.

“So when’s your next appointment?” She asked.

“When Cayden gets back. It was supposed to be a bit ago because I’m over three months but I kept putting it off,” I moved aside the eggs that were looking very off putting for some reason.

“Are you gonna find out the gender?”

“I don’t know yet. I kind of want it to be a surprise,” I shrugged. She shook her head.

“Then how am I supposed to start shopping!?” She looked at me like I was crazy. I laughed.

“You can by it when he gets here,” I offered.

“So you think it’s a boy?” She said. My brows came together.

“I have no idea.”

“You said he,” she smiled. I blushed. It was just a habit, honestly I didn’t really think about it that much. I was just focused on getting the baby out safe and sound and surviving the pregnancy myself. A boy would be cute though, and a lot of fun for Cay. But so would a little girl, and I could really see Cay spoiling her.

“Maybe I’ll find out,” I said. I looked at my watch. “I have to go to my appointment now. You can go home mom, I’ll be fine here,” I got up from the chair.

“Go ahead. I’ll clean up. Are you sure honey?”

“I’m sure. I’ll call you if I need anything. I’m not gonna be here until later tonight anyways,” I pointed out.

“Okay then. I’ll head out soon, I’ll have my cell, I can be here in 5 minutes,” she smiled.

“Okay. Bye mom, I love you,” I grabbed my things and prepared to leave before she could make me late.

When I got to Dr. Williams office, the secretary was on the phone and typing away on her computer she looked so flustered. I wondered why it was so busy. I had to sit and wait until she got off the phone.

"So sorry to keep you waiting dear. All appointments for today are cancelled. Mrs. Williams went into labour this morning," she said.

"Oh! Wow, how exciting," i said, imagining the day i would be in that position.

"Yeah, she was getting ancy, she was a week over due already. How far along are you?"She looked at my bump with a smile.

"4 months. I still got a while to go," i ran my hand over my small bump.

"It will go quickly from here, dont worry," she said. That sounded comforting and frightening.

"Im sure it will," i said simply.

"She left a message for you by the way," she said, turning to her computer. I wasn't surprised, Dr. Williams was a family friend by this point and she would feel bad about cancelling one of our appointments. "She says she emailed you the hospital shes at with visiting hours and that you're welcome to come see the baby."

"I hadn't checked my email," i said, pulling out my phone. I checked my mail and sure enough there was an email from her. "Thank you for letting me know. Ill give her a call. Thank you," i said.

"No problem hun. Did you want to see someone else?" she asked. "Dr. Hillinger is in today."

"No thats fine. Thanks though. Have a good day," I said, grabbing my phone off the counter. I left the office and went back to my car. I debated whether or not to go back home but decided i might as well go to the salon. I didn't really wanna be home alone anyways.

Cole

Ty was staying with me for the last few days and we had been having a good time, i loved having him around. Honestly, i got really lonely being here on my own. I didnt have him, i didn't have Randi or any of my other friends. I didn't wanna tell him that though. That day we were going to go watch a basketball game, id gotten the tickets a while ago because i knew it was a game he wanted to see.

"Yo, lets go man," i yelled at him from the door of my apartment. He was fixing his hair in the mirror in the bathroom. For a dude who was supposed to be all tough and shit he cared a lot about his appearance, especially his waves. He finally came out and i opened the door to leave.

We had to wait to get into the arena because the line was crazy.

"I told you we should have left earlier," i said.

"Chill, we'll get in soon," he said squeezing my hand which was in his.

"Man whatever," i mumbled, looking around at all the people. That's when i saw the people beside us, an older couple. They were looking at us like we had horns growing from our head or something. I scoffed and Trey turned to look at what i was staring at. This wasn't my first run in with openly homophobic people, hell i'd had things thrown at me by strangers before. But i doubted Trey had experienced this before and i wasn't sure what he would do or feel. I would have understood if he dropped my hand or back away, but he pulled me closer to him and said,

"Can we help you?" to the man and lady. They looked shocked and both of them went as red as tomatoes before turning away. I smirked and looked at Trey. It was a confidence booster seeing him stick up for us like that, that he didn't deny me when it would have been easier.

"What?" he asked when i continued to look a him.

"Nothing," i said, but the truth was in that moment i realised i was dead ass in love with Trey, like i could really see myself spending the rest of my life with the nigga, and that terrified me. I let go of his hand and put my hands in my pockets. He looked a bit confused but didn't say anything.

The game was good and all and we had a fun watching but the day just went left after that incident. I knew it was me, i was acting off and he noticed. We barely talked on the way back to my apartment. When we got there he just packed his things because he was leaving that night.

"Well, i guess imma head out then, i gotta get home," he said, closing the duffle bag that was on the bed.

"I'll walk you to your car," i said, getting up from the bed.

At his car we paused and awkwardly kissed, then he got inside and that was that. I knew i shouldn't have left it like that but i was feeling overwhelmed, id never felt like this before, honestly never thought i would. The scariest part was i didn't know if Ty loved me back. I decided to go for a run instead of staying in my place so i could clear my head.

I had just gotten back in to town when my phone rang. I picked it up because it was likely work.

"Yo," i said.

"ey, its me," Cayden said.

"Was good my nigga? How that deal going?" I pulled up at the light and put my phone on speaker.

"Niggas aint have my money yet, im giving them one more day, after that i'm bout to bounce," he was moving stuff around in the back.

"Why you even give them another day?" I chuckled. "You getting soft my nigga,"

"Man, it aint even like that. I know dude."

"Aight, bet. What you need?" I asked, wondering why he was calling me.

"Go see Randi for me," he said. I should have guessed.

"Aight, but you know theres already niggas there watching your place right?"

"It aint that, i need someone to check if she need anything. That reminds me, pull up with food. Ice cream, saltine crackers, that's what she be craving," he said. Damn, i thought, this pregnancy thing sounded like a trip. Cayden was happy as hell though, and i was happy for him. I was pretty excited to be an uncle too.

"Man she be having you be her servant and shit huh?"

"You have no idea," he mumbled.

"Lucky i like your wife, i'll go."

"Good looking out," he said. "And yo, don't be having no smart mouth, she be all emotional and stuff cause of the baby."

"Ill be good," i promised with a smirk.

"Cool. I gotta go, catch you later."

"Bet," i said, then hung up. Well there went my plans to go home and crash.

It was around 9pm when i got all the stuff and pulled up to the house. I rang the doorbell and waited for a minute. She opened the door after a minute.

"Ty?" she said, surprised.

"Hey nugget," i smiled, walking in past her. She closed the door and followed as i walked to the kitchen. "Are you home alone? What happened to your friends?"

"I sent them home," she said with a shrug. "I was getting annoyed of having people fussing over me."

"Thats fair," i said, putting the bag from the store down. "Well your nigga sent me, made me get you shit too."

She opened the bag and pulled out the ice cream, crackers and some other stuff id gotten. She smiled which then quickly faded.

"What?" i said.

"Nothing," she said, all teary eyed and lip quivering. Well fuck. I stood there confused and not sure what to do. Maybe eating will help, i thought. So i went to the drawer and got a spoon. I handed it to her hesitantly. She opened the ice cream and started to eat it. She continued to cry while eating it. Wow Cayden had been right, but i aint even say nothing.

"I saw Cole today," I blurted. That was one thing i knew made her happy. That was her nigga. "He asked about you."

"How is he?" She asked around some ice cream.

"He's good," i nodded, "we went to a basketball game."

"Thats cute."

"It was until he started acting weird," i mumbled. She wiped her tears and sat down on the stool.

"What happened?" she asked. I barely even knew.

"Well i told some people off in line that were looking at us, then he got all quiet. But i don't know why he'd be mad that i stuck up for us," i shrugged.

"Did you ask him?" she said, passing me a spoon. I dug my spoon in and started eating too.

"Nah. I was lowkey mad that he was being pissy after i drove all the way there to see the nigga. He be confusing me. Dating girls was easier," i sucked my teeth. Randi laughed. I grinned, it was way better to see her laughing than crying.

"If its hard that means its the real thing. Just let him know you love him and move on," she suggested. My brows came together.

"We don't really be doing all that," i said simply.

"You clearly love him Ty. Why can't you say that?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Men," she rolled her eyes.

We ate more food for a while until it got really late.

"You should go to bed, doesn't the baby need sleep or something?" i asked seriously. She died laughing.

"I am tired though, ill probably go up," she looked at her phone for the time. "You can stay if you want."

"Thanks but i gotta head home, i gotta go do something later tonight," i said, getting up and stretching. She walked me over towards the door. "Hit me up if you need anything."

"I will," she said, leaning up to kiss me on the cheek. "Be careful tonight," she said, giving me a mom look. I nodded and stepped out. I got int my car and finally went to my house.

Randi

The next morning i woke up early to go to the florist. I wanted a nice bouquet because i was going to see Dr. Williams for a little bit in the hospital. My mom was coming along because they were friends, i was glad to have the company.

"Those are really nice," i said to a bouquet she was holding.

"I think so to. Lets get a toy or something for the baby," she suggested. I walked over the where there were cards and stuffed animals. There was a really cute giraffe staring at me, and i picked it up. It had these huge eyes and was so soft.

"You used to have a giraffe, one of your first toys, that thing was so dirty but you loved it," My mom said from behind me. I smiled. I could imagine me as a baby playing with this little guy.

"I like this one," i said.

"Ok, we can do the flowers and that," she said. I shook my head.

"Its not for her," I said. "Im getting it for myself."

"Ok," she said confused, but picked up another toy. "ill go pay."

I smiled and went to go pay for the giraffe. This was the first thing id ever buy for my baby, i hoped he or she would like it.

"Thank you for coming by Randi," Dr. Williams smiled big. She was holding a little pink bundle in her arms.

"Of course. Im so happy for you. She's beautiful," i said.

"You'll be holding your own soon. Want to practice?" She asked, moving the bundle towards me. I was nervous for some reason. Not like i hadn't held babies before, but id never held one while i was several months pregnant myself. I hesitated but she practically shoved the baby into my arms. I held the baby in my arms and looked down at her, heart racing. To my surprise she was alert, eyes fixed on me. God, those eyes. Id never seen such pure love, and innocence, trusting anyone and everyone. For a second i saw a little version of my own eyes looking up at me and my breath caught in my chest. But i blinked and it was gone.

When i got back home i went up to my room to lay down. Cayden face timed me shortly after and he asked me what id done all day. I told him id gone shopping and saw Dr. Williams.

"I got something today, for the baby," i said, blushing. He smirked.

"Lets see it," he said. I lifted up the giraffe to the screen.

"His name is George," i said. He chuckled and i giggled.

"I love it," he said. I paused for a moment.

"She let me hold her baby today," i said, looking down at the toy. "She was beautiful Cayden."

"I bet she was," he said.

"Yeah, but for a second...i didnt see her...I saw our baby," i whispered. I was surprised he even heard me. He cheesed and i laughed a little. I probably sounded insane.

"What did he or she look like?" he asked.

"It was a boy," i said, pausing to think back to the moment "really small, but fat cheeks, curly hair like yours," i smiled, getting a little emotional. It was joy though, not sadness. "your mouth, but the eyes, where like looking at myself."

"Damn, he sound like a good looking nigga," Cay said. I nodded.

"He was," i murmured, running a hand over my belly. "I cant wait to meet him."

"I know, me too," he said.

We talked a little bit more then said i love you and goodbye. I wished he was here to hug me right now, but he wasn't, so i got into bed with the little giraffe and put it on his side of the bed.

"There," i smirked. I turned the light off and went to sleep.

#chris brown #New Chapter #fanfiction #fandom #fan fiction #fanfic #fanfic update #writing #writers #Jhene Aiko #jhene chilombo #jhene efuru #jhene aiko fanfic #jhene aiko ff #tyga #j cole #j cole fanfic #lgbtq fiction #lgbtq

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