#we were talking about the moments in our life that we wish we could relive

[sweeetnothingss]

my roommate (who's also my cousin) said i remind her of the quote "i think you know how to love better than any of us. that's why you find it all so painful."

...iamokay

[lisbeth-kk]

Yay, it's May! One of the year's best months. For many reasons. One of them being the May Prompts instigated by the one and only @calaisreno

Today's prompt was open.

The Luckiest Girl in the World

Summary: Rosie thinks back to the day her and John's life changed because of Sherlock Holmes.

One Year Old

I don’t remember my first home. The semi-detached house where I lived with Mum and Dad. I was after all only six months old when she died, and we moved out. Of course, I remember nothing about the move, but Dad has told me about it, and he’s such a terrible liar, so I think it’s safe to say that he spoke the truth about the day our lives changed for the better.

Apparently, I behaved like the baby I was, and cried my lungs out all the way to Baker Street. Before we reached the door to 221B, Sherlock stood ready, the door wide open. According to Dad, he deduced everything in seconds. 

“Obviously, Dad,” I said when he told me.

He laughed and ruffled my hair.

“Obviously,” he agreed.

“John?” Sherlock asked, not daring to hope that his deductions were correct.

“I was so afraid, I had read the signs wrong,” he told me later.

“Your offer still stands?” Dad asked while I wailed and desperately tried to free myself from his arms.

“Of course, John. This is your home. There’s always room for you and Watson here,” Sherlock assured him.

“When you heard Sherlock speak, you stilled and looked enthralled at him, reaching out your arms in his direction,” Dad said.

His voice was choked, and I wish I could relive that emotional moment.

“Let me take her,” Sherlock said, and Dad willingly accepted the proposal.

Sherlock continued talking to me and seconds later I fell asleep in his arms, and it wouldn’t be for the last time. Since that day, his voice had a calming effect on me. Just like Dad has the same effect on Sherlock. 

***

Long before I turned one, Dad and I had settled down properly, and to Dad’s surprise, Sherlock took turns in changing my nappies, feeding me, playing with me, comforting me, and teaching me all sorts of things, that might come in handy later in life. 

Such as how long it takes before rigor mortis sets in, the different kinds of dirt in the parks of London, the secret to flag down a cab in the shortest amount of time, and how to piss Anderson off, none of which I recall. I have my own way of pissing Anderson off…

“I told you Watson would walk before her first birthday,” Sherlock told Dad proudly two days before I turned one.

“There’s no way you could’ve known, Sherlock,” Dad protested, earning him an eyeroll from his best friend.

“I’ve observed her, John. For hours. Of course, I…”

“Yeah, yeah, genius. You win. She walks!”

“Indeed, she does,” Sherlock said warmly just before I fell on my bum and started to whine.

The Luckiest Girl in the World is going to be a 31 chapter fic from Rosie Watson's POV. From year one until 31.

@totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @a-victorian-girl @phoenix27884 @safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitch-adler @raina-at @topsyturvy-turtely @peanitbear @helloliriels @7-percent @ninasnakie

[hand-picked-star]

It's not a khushi bashing post.Just because I am highlighting a mistake of her,it doesn't mean that I don't love that character. Flaws would have made her more beautiful, I wished her flaws were highlighted and she would get time to work on them instead of being perfect.

I just want to highlight a certain angle of the impact of khushi's decision of not telling the raizadas about Shyam had on Anjali and Arnav.When khushi knew the truth, Anjali was not pregnant.It is really sick if you think about it, the psycho shyam was sleeping with Anjali while being obsessed with khushi and telling her that he didn't consider Anjali as his wife.The psycho might had slept with Anjali within 15-20 days before she discovered she was expecting.sick,very sick.

If khushi told them earlier then that situation could have been avoided for Anjali. Another thing the show failed to show but leave if for interpretation that how much humiliation and insult a child had to endure for their parents infidelity in society. They must had suffered that by being the offsprings of cheating father.Arnav felt the society only had accepted him when he became rich.That's why he adored the guptas so much because they accepted him despite facing his rage many times,they accepted him despite his flaws. Same goes for khushi. She accepted and loved Arnav as he was, whole-heartly.It's also the reason why Anjali worshipped Shyam.

Anyway, So, it was completely a valid reason for Anjali to think of same consequences for her child. No matter how much they loved that child but the vultures of the society would devour that child for having cheating gene in it's bloodline.The society would not spare the child whose father had no respect neither in the household not in the society just like their father.

Also growing up as a orphan or fatherless is also a pain of different genre.Our life, society and day-to-day life are constructed in a manner that we needed our father in every aspect of our life.I said it not to diminish the struggle of single mothers.Those who have grown up with your father in the picture, just imagine can you picturize a life without him?Then think the pain of an orphan, and then think of the pain of a child who is orphan inspite of it's father being alive and leveled as a person whose father was a despicable person. No mother would have wanted that for her child.That time on that hospital room two siblings relived their worst nightmare once again.Anjali was that child once upon a time who thought that life was worst than death.Arnav was that child who had already lived the life that the child would had lived. A pain that no one would understand except them.

And all of this happened, because khushi didn't tell them the truth in time, believed that a psycho, manipulator like shyam would change.The way he got engaged to khushi should have been a warning enough.Then after the reveal khushi was told firmly that she should not interact with Anjali for valid reasons. But still she didn't listen. I know her intent was good, in her heart she only wanted best for Anjali, but didn't she ignored the fact that the best for Anjali for that moment was not to interact with khushi? Khushi talked with Anjali to try to reduce her guilt, whatever you say, their interaction was not absolutely selfless from khushi's side.And this mistake of hers had almost cost Arnav his last surviving kin.Furthermore, Their relationship might not even had survived if Anjali was successful in hurting herself.

So upon first watch, watching khushi-anjali conversation and what happened afterwards, Anjali's reaction seemed exaggerated. But now in rewatch, her reaction doesn't seem excessive, does it?

My scattered thoughts (12/?)

[misscammiedawn]

I wanted to say thanks for that write up on the depiction of DID and Mr. Robot! You said everything that's been burning in my head for years now after watching. Hearing another system's thoughts on it was something we've been looking for.

Part of our inner world is also part of the NHM in London lol.

Truly and sincerely thank you.

First off, I am delighted to know that we're not alone in having the Natural History Museum as host to a segment of inner world. Would love to know which exhibit/area you see when you visit, though no obligation to respond. We know that these things can be deeply personal.

The show may not strike with every system but no two plural folx are going to have the same connections and attachments and comforts and that's 100% okay. For those who share our affection for Mr. Robot I am glad you get to enjoy the show and our ramblings on it.

Wishing you and your system well and thank you again for the ask. You've no idea how much feedback comforts and encourages.

Asks are always open.

-

Post the asker is referring to in the question, btw:

Also... have some random rambles about Mr. Robot in a readmore, because I feel like typing a bunch.

-

Also, because it gives us an opening to talk about it. Have some random Robot thoughts:

Mr. Robot is and remains my favorite show. I had started typing "our" favorite and got a sharp rejection so shall use singular pronouns. It has its issues, the use of the term "real" for instance, but with good faith a lot of it can vanish. Not all. But most.

I've been thinking about things a lot more since writing the essay and there are things I wish I had spent longer discussing. For instance during the portion where I wrote about how Coney Island represents a safety in nostalgia, a fortress for the Alderson siblings to hide in their treasured childhood memories; I didn't mention that both Trenton and Mobley use their own nostalgia as their hacker aliases with Trenton being where she lived when young and DJ Mobley clearly being someone Mobley found joy in at a younger age.

Similarly Hot Carla's name is selected because of a hair dresser who validated her gender identity and sheltered her when her parents were abusive. Whiterose's hacker alias is the last moment her life could have been the "good future" that she envisioned and worked so hard to force into reality.

I do like that pretty much every character who has an alias picks their alias as an identity forged in positive memories. Elliot clearly did with Mr. Robot being the store where he and his dad were friends and his other alias (The Gentleman) is a reference to The Careful Massacre of the Bourgeoisie, a movie he and Darlene watched every year that became the entire iconography for the fsociety movement.

If I were to ever do another Mr. Robot essay I think it would be on the way each character insists on living in the past in order to escape their present and how that relates to the way trauma invades the present. Not going to promise that, though. We're already snowed under with our Loop and Beatrice essays.

I think that can be one of the big failings of the show, actually, especially for those watching it as it aired. The show is deeply ingrained in the perspectives of characters who have critically distorted beliefs on reality and the show doesn't really start laying down objective reality until late season 3 after the cyber bombings.

Someone watching the show for the first time can watch Elliot's edgelord rants about "Fuck Society" and think that the show believes these things rather than its main character and we do not get the show delivering the message that it's small minded and childish (which, given that Elliot is stuck in trauma time and perpetually reliving a horrifically abusive childhood he cannot fully understand because he won't allow himself to remember clearly, is exactly what he is) until Irving and Price each spell it out to Mr. Robot in S3E7/9 or Whiterose outright calls Elliot on it in their final confrontation.

I adore the show for its patience and how it tells such an emotional and complicated story over its 45 hour runtime but I do understand people watching the first hour, getting the wrong idea about where the journey is going and opting out.

Hell I understand a system going in for DID representation and not having the patience to stick around the show's Fight Club pastiche era before starting to get to the meat of things.

But hey. I gave the show a shot and can't go back now. I love it too darned much.

Also because I don't want to start another thread on it, I do want to say that the show is truly frustrating in how it depicts economic collapse for society and yet none of the characters are ever impacted by it.

Darlene is homeless throughout the show, spare her stint living in an FBI safe house and she has no job through the show's run. She is never hurting for money, even when the banking system of the world collapses. She likely is stealing but it's frustrating that we only hear about the financial ruin in the periphery. We learn of the eviction of Elliot's neighbors spare for the kind older man who takes care of Flipper but Elliot himself can buy entire new computers on a whim and go months between jobs or spend a season in prison and not be impacted.

Like the show depicts the world going into a major decline during the economic crisis and it's clear by Season 4 that the show is venting frustration that when the banking system failed in 2008 the ones responsible were not harmed at all and it was the public who suffered and things just went back to how it was in time; it's just... every character is living comfortably in New York and Darlene is the closest we have to a "poor" character.

But that's a rant we have on every show. Poverty doesn't really exist in television. You watch a show like Ted Lasso and everyone is a millionaire. Even the Kit Manager (Nate, not Will) has parents who own a home, sent him to higher education and gave him private violin lessons. Kit Manager salary is about £25-50 per year, even for a Premier League Team.

...but my discomfort with how poverty is never represented on TV is just a random rant and I'm going way off topic.

I'll stop rambling now.

[apeachthatplaystheflute]

I wrote a poem about JunLian :)

I wrote it like a few months ago and put it on ao3 and Wattpad, but I think it’s super sweet

•*•*•*•*•*•*•

The day I met you on the bridge,

 My heart fluttered.

I  talked to you, and took you under my wing,

Yet the words that came out of your sweet little mouth

Tore my world apart.

The sepulcher I had built for myself 

Broke down, like my fragile heart.

“Body in abyss, heart in paradise” is what you spoke to me

After that moment, that very moment I took you under my wing

You radiated so much potential

Like I had.

It felt as if I was staring at myself again,

Wu Yong, all over again

The same mistakes I had repeated

And the naivete I held when I was 17-

Yet with you, 

It seemed fitting. 

You were young, and unaccomplished.

Yet each time I saw you, my heart seemed to grow redder for you.

800 years seemed to fly by you,

Yet all of my advances to you seemed to make you stronger.

I was jealous. I could never rebound like you, but you….

Your heart seemed to be stolen. 

Why couldn’t that be me?

In your eyes, I was an idol, yet Hua Cheng came along.

Why couldn’t I be like your father?

Xianle, sweet Xianle,

You’ve walked so far in life,

Yet I lie here, 

In the dirt,

Underneath Mt. Tonglu,

Banished from the heavens. 

How is it with Hua Cheng? Does he treat you kindly?

Xianle, sweet Xianle,

Could we start over?

I wish to makeup for everything, 

Yet deep down,

We could never be. 

Mei Nianqing and I grew much closer than I ever thought possible,

But everytime my eyes lay on him, 

I think of Wu Yong. 

I think of myself, Wu Yong. 

I think of the times before I,

Mistakenly,

Murdered our friends.

I regret that. 

Yet they live on my face,

Haunting, and bewitching me.

Xianle, sweet Xianle,

Check your parents graves,

I think they would appreciate that again.

Your mother would be proud.

So would your father. 

Oh Xianle,

How I yearn to hug you. 

Your body always seemed to perfectly fit within mine. 

Xianle, oh Xianle,

Please come to see me.

You always seemed to smell as if you had run through an orchestra of flowers.

Your hair was always the color of dark chocolate,

And your eyes held a comforting warmth,

That had always pierced my soul.

They were a beautiful color, 

Always seemingly honey.

Xianle, my dear Xianle,

I hold many feelings towards you,

Yet I wish to see you once more.

Xianle, oh dear Xianle,

Xie Lian, my dear Xie Lian,

Your name lives in my head,

As if it was a melody from a Guqin.

Xie Lian, my dear Xie Lian,

Please, 

Let me caress your face once more.

Let me doze off into the warmth of your eyes, 

And relive these complex feelings for you. 

Xie Lian, 

My dear Xie Lian,

My dear Xianle,

Can you hear me?

Let me love you once more,

Father or lover,

Let me love you once more,

And give me a chance to redeem myself.

Xie Lian,

My dear Xie Lian,

I love you. 

•*•*•*•*•*• it’s up on my ao3 too! And Wattpad. And FanFiction.net because I have no shame 😭😭😭

I’m also thinking about doing writing commissions if someone wants to shoot me a message over here or discord! ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

[godsfavdarling]

chapter 23

pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!oc

summary: Molly gets bad news about Spencer.

list of chapters, also available on wattpad and Ao3, my masterlist

warnings: just sad. prison arc!

words: 1,5k

Dear Spencer,

I hope this letter finds you well and in good spirits. There are so many things I want to share with you, and though I wish I could say them in person, I hope this letter will suffice for now.

First and foremost, I want you to know that Diana is doing great. She's in good health and spirits, and we've been spending a lot of time together. 

Cassie, the nurse, has been a wonderful companion, and we've grown quite close. It's been comforting to have your mom here, especially during the times when I miss you the most.

Work has been keeping me busy as usual. My students are a joy to teach, as always, and they never fail to put a smile on my face. 

Speaking of work, Sarah finally moved closer to her family as she's expecting a baby. It's been bittersweet saying goodbye to her, but I'm happy for her and her husband.

In my free time, I've been experimenting with new recipes in the kitchen. You'd be proud to know that I've been cooking up a storm, trying out different dishes and perfecting old favorites. I bring them to Diana as often as I can.

And there's exciting news on another front - Henry and I have been spending more time together, playing the piano. He's been making tremendous progress! We've even started tackling some more challenging pieces, and I must say, our duets are becoming quite impressive!

Do you remember that beautiful day we spent at the beach when we first started dating, the warmth of the sun on our skin and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore? It was one of those moments that felt like time stood still, and all that mattered was you and I.

I wish you could be here with me, holding my hand. But until then, please know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I miss you more than words can express, and I long for the day when we can be together again.

Sending all my love and warmest wishes,

Molly

.......................................

Even though Spencer refused to see Molly, she didn't give up on writing him letters every day. Each evening, she would sit down with pen and paper, pouring her heart out onto the page. She wrote about her day, the mundane details of work, and the small joys she found in everyday life.

She reminisced about their memories together, asking him if he remembered certain moments and trying to paint vivid descriptions of the days they shared or the holidays they celebrated. She knew Spencer could remember everything, but she hoped that reliving these memories through her words would bring him some comfort.

Despite the turmoil she faced, Molly made a conscious effort to keep her letters positive. Only the good things, omitting her own struggles—the nights spent crying and the sleepless hours plagued by nightmares.

Instead, she focused on the books she was reading, the movies she watched, and the weather outside her window. She wrote about Diana. Anything pleasant that surrounded her found its way onto those pages, her attempt to bring a ray of sunshine into Spencer's now dark world.

One day, Molly decided to include a photo with her letter. It was a simple snapshot taken by Spencer during one of their vacations. 

In the picture, she was smiling at the camera, sitting in a chair at an outdoor cafe. She wore a flowing white summer dress, her hair naturally curled and dancing in the wind. She hoped that the image would bring some warmth and comfort to Spencer, a reminder of happier times and their love.

Moreover, Molly made a point to call every day a team member who was on visit duty, asking for details about Spencer's well-being and what they talked about during their visit. What was he saying? Is he okay?

.................................

As JJ gingerly handed her the crayon drawing, Molly felt her heart swell with emotion. There they were, depicted in vibrant hues on the crisp white paper: Henry, with his infectious smile and wild imagination; Spencer, his gentle eyes filled with warmth and love; and herself, standing beside them, her hand intertwined with Spencer's as they stood beneath the shade of a towering oak tree.

Tears welled in Molly's eyes as she traced the lines of the drawing.

"It's beautiful," Molly murmured, her voice thick with emotion as she looked up at JJ, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Thank you for showing me this."

JJ smiled softly, her gaze filled with understanding. "He's quite the artist, isn't he?"

Molly nodded, a small smile gracing her lips as she wiped away a stray tear. "He really is."

...................................

Molly was sitting at the table, lost in thought. It was Saturday, and later she was going to spend some time with Diana. She sat with her cup of tea when she heard a knock at the door. Peering through the peephole, she saw Garcia.

"Hey," Molly greeted, opening the door and letting her in.

"Hi, honey," Garcia responded, her expression filled with worry.

"What happened?" Molly inquired, concerned as she let Garcia in.

Garcia let out a sigh as she sank onto the couch.

"Penelope... What happened?"

At that moment, tears welled up in Garcia's eyes, and her usually bubbly personality seemed to vanish.

"Didn't you go see Reid today?" Molly asked.

"Yeah, I did," Garcia replied, feeling a sense of unease creeping over her.

"What's wrong? Is he okay?" Molly pressed, her concern growing.

"Molly..." Garcia began, her voice wavering.

"Please just tell me. I feel like nobody is telling me anything. I just want to help," Molly pleaded, her anxiety mounting.

"He's hurt," Garcia finally revealed, her words heavy with sorrow.

"Hurt?" Molly repeated, her heart sinking.

"Yeah... pretty badly... He got beat up," Garcia confirmed, her voice filled with anguish.

Molly's stomach churned, and she dropped onto the couch, feeling overwhelmed by a rush of emotions.

"I already talked to Luke, because I was about to go to the warden's office. Spencer should be in protective custody..." Garcia explained.

"He's not in protective custody?" Molly interrupted, her voice filled with disbelief.

Molly's heart plummeted like a stone, the weight of the news settling heavily in her chest. It felt as though a physical blow had knocked the breath from her lungs, leaving her gasping for air amidst the suffocating sense of disbelief.

"No, he wasn't at least. Luke said he's going to take care of it and do something," Garcia reassured, her voice tinged with concern.

But Garcia's attempt at reassurance offered little comfort in the face of such dire news. Molly could see the worry etched in her friend's expression. The overwhelming sense of dread gripped her.

As Garcia reached out to embrace her, Molly felt like she was drowning in a sea of despair. The weight of the situation bore down on her, threatening to crush her beneath its unbearable burden.

Tears streamed down Molly's cheeks. Each tear that fell deepened her heartache, a raw pain gnawing at her insides.

Unable to find the words to express her anguish, Molly buried her face in her hands, her sobs muffled against her palms.

Garcia's attempt at comfort was met with a silent, desperate embrace. "I'm so sorry, Molly. But Spencer is strong. He's going to be okay," Garcia murmured softly.

Despite Garcia's words, Molly couldn't shake the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't just about whether Spencer would physically survive this ordeal—it was about the toll it would take on his spirit.

Even if Spencer emerged physically unscathed and regained his freedom, Molly knew deep down that he would never be the same. 

The scars left by this harrowing experience would penetrate his soul, forever altering the fabric of his being.

................................

In the ensuing weeks, the torrent of misfortune continued to pour down upon them.

It was weeks later when Molly learned from the team that one of Spencer's friends had been brutally murdered right in front of him. The news hit her like a sledgehammer to the chest, leaving her reeling with shock and disbelief.

She couldn't comprehend why they had kept this information from her for so long. It wasn't as if she could change what had happened; all she wanted was to be kept in the loop, to share in the burden of knowledge. Yet, even that small solace was denied to her.

As the days dragged on with no breakthroughs in the hunt for Scratch, Molly felt her hope dwindling with each passing moment. Every day seemed to bring new challenges and fresh heartache, leaving her feeling utterly powerless in the face of adversity. 

The weight of uncertainty bore down on her shoulders like a leaden mantle, threatening to crush her beneath its oppressive burden.

Amidst the chaos and turmoil, there was one silver lining: Diana. Despite the storm raging outside, she remained a beacon of light and stability in Molly's life. Their bond grew stronger with each passing day, and the moments they spent together brought a sense of peace and tranquility amidst the chaos.

Yet, even in the midst of their moments of respite, Molly couldn't shake the haunting image of Spencer's fear-stricken face from her mind. 

He rarely admitted when he was scared, preferring to bear the weight of his burdens alone. But to Molly, he had always been willing to show his vulnerabilities, to seek solace in her embrace. 

She knew how much he despised feeling helpless and dependent, and the thought of him enduring such torment tore at her heartstrings.

[nso-csi]

230814 Clash Magazine twitter update 'In Conversation With SHINee'

In the early days of prepping for this record, what was the group’s mentality like? Was there something very specific you each wanted from this process? TAEMIN: I think I wanted to show that SHINee is still as strong as ever. To be honest, during our promotions, I couldn’t really pinpoint our exact goal but now I feel like I can organise my thoughts and reflect on what my feelings were at that time: I still want to receive a lot of love when we’re on stage, continue to cherish what we’ve achieved, and maintain our strong bond with our fans.

So there’s still that feeling of pressure, even if it’s lesser these days, when you gear up to a release? TAEMIN: The album release was delayed from the original schedule, and we wish we’d had more time to prepare because time was really limited. Despite that, we were able to wrap up this promotion well. I tend to be hard on myself, but this time, I think I felt like I wanted to appreciate the moment.

SHINee have talked at various points over the years about their identity – as a group and individuals – and you explore this on Hard’s B-side ‘Identity’ with lyrics like “I want to find the original me” and “a destination to find in chaos”. Have there been times where the members experienced losing their way? TAEMIN: I’ve always tried to view myself objectively, and sometimes it felt like a trap in an endless cave. Fortunately, I’ve had really wonderful people around me, who were my greatest source of strength. I’m not sure if I can be someone who can say uplifting words to others but when I feel overwhelmed, I take walks which clear my mind and this has helped me.

As humans we’re constantly evolving; how have the members’ identities shifted since the release of ‘Don’t Call Me’ (2021), and how is this change reflected on ‘Hard’? TAEMIN: I decided to give myself a break and not to be so hard on myself. I wanted to focus more on the feelings of happiness and the positive energy that people give me from recognizing my work instead of contemplating what I’m lacking and overanalyzing my shortcomings. And because I was able to take a different approach and attitude toward this album, I was able to enjoy this promotion and feel more comfortable.

After 15 years, what – if anything – still makes you nervous as an artist? TAEMIN: The constant anticipation and expectations motivate me and heighten my expectations but, on the other hand, they can also be stressful. But this process is a significant part of my life, and the challenges make the sense of accomplishment I feel even greater.

Upcoming film aside, if there was one moment in your SHINee careers that you could revisit in-person – just because it was so amazing you’d like to experience it again – what would it be? TAEMIN: The moments I want to relive are not only from our [stage] careers but I really do want to relive those small moments when the five of us would have meals, talk, and fall asleep together.

The older we get, the faster time seems to move: Is there a new or different sense of urgency around your ambitions? And how does this compare to the early days of SHINee when, perhaps, you felt like there was also so much to accomplish? TAEMIN: I’ve achieved many of the things I’d aimed for and also experienced moments of wanting to give up. Going through numerous experiences and internal turmoil, I can see myself ageing, but the memories and records of us when we were young are vividly alive and preserved. So, personally, rather than a sense of urgency and ambition, I always want to do my best in the present and in this era.

The words ‘icons’ and ‘legends’ get thrown around too easily these days but SHINee really are both. Does it seem real for you, especially as you’re still an active, progressive group? Do you ever consider the band’s legacy and what you’d like that, ultimately, to be? TAEMIN: One of my juniors once said to me, ‘I feel like idols’ careers are extending because you continue to be active. Thank you.’ Hearing those words made me feel proud because it seems like we’re pioneering something, and when I see friends who consider me as their role model, it also helps me release all the built-up stress inside of me. Because of that, I feel a sense of motivation, I want to work even harder to inspire people, and I hope SHINee will be remembered as a group that continues to shine and remains in people’s hearts for generations to come.

source

[hopeymchope]

How the Phantom Thieves Became the Bad Guys (OR: A long-ass essay that’s likely to irritate any P5 fans that bother to read it)

PREVIOUSLY: I came to the sad realization that “Joker” — a.k.a. the Persona 5 protagonist, a.k.a. Ren Amamiya — is canonically an asshole.

...so I suppose the logical extension of that is for Joker to become a villain. 

And as it turns out, thanks to the third semester of Persona 5 Royal, he can! They WANT you to. 

I guess you could say the warning signs were always there.

...of course, alternatively, he might not. Because thankfully, the freedom of player choice still gives you some ways out. But sadly, the “True” (i.e., canonical) ending of the game requires Joker to lead the Phantom Thieves into a very dark place indeed. 

Before I delve into why that’s the case, though, I have to give the devs at Atlus credit for creating an ethical scenario that really challenges the player and makes them think. But uh, if you want to feel okay about pursuing the “True Ending,” you definitely shouldn’t think too much. It’s best that you just take the words of the characters at face value and try not to apply real-world morality, okay? Because applying serious thought to the moral debate in the third semester swiftly makes the Phantom Thieves into bigger baddies than some of the palace rulers they’ve previously battled.

Enough of the buildup, however. Let’s back up and dig into the core issue I’m talking about: Takuto Maruki’s quest to make the world a better place. 

The Setup

Maruki is a psychological counselor and cognitive researcher as well as a Social Link/Confidant that’s unique to the “Royal” version of the game. He’s also the central figure behind the new storyline that takes place after the ending of the original Persona 5. Said storyline involves Maruki leveraging his work as a psychologist and his studies of the cognitive world + Yaldabaoth’s merging of Mementos with the real world to rewrite reality, creating a new world where people’s innermost wishes are made real. The result? People who lost loved ones in traumatic ways see them now returned to life. People who experienced horrific injuries have had them undone. Rape victims were never violated in the first place. People who lost their dream jobs are suddenly re-employed by them. And so on. This is Maruki’s way of helping people move past being haunted by their traumas and worst experiences; now they can simply never have had such experiences.

Maruki is a very kind-hearted soul from the moment we first meet him. There’s never any doubt that he’s simply trying to make the world a happier, kinder place. And when he first triggers the change into a new timeline, most of the Phantom Thieves are blissfully unaware that the world has been rewritten around them. No less than three of our teammates are reunited with parents who died recently or years ago, although from their perspective, it’s not a “reunion” — it’s just the way things have always been, because those people were never murdered in the first place. Our lead character, Joker, and his rival/ally/antagonist, Akechi, are initially the only ones who remember the old reality. But Joker is soon triggering the rise of conflicting memories within his allies that make them call their new existence into question, even if just slightly...

(It’s cool how well this all aligns with a major area of current psychiatric research. Medical researchers have been seeking a way to target and delete traumatic memories from PTSD sufferers for well over a decade now, moving ever-closer to success. Traumatic memories can be debilitating to a level that millions of sufferers never can recover from their worst experiences even after living many decades more, frequently driving people to suicide; what if you could stop having to relive them? Granted, this wouldn’t literally undo them as it does in Maruki’s solution, but I think the core concept is similar, and that’s pretty neat. Though I have no idea if it was all intended and the devs actually knew about this... )

Concerns?

When I first entered and swiftly understood Maruki’s “new reality” in the game, I immediately theorized TONS of ways in which this could be a very bad thing. And even as I went through the initial phases of his palace/laboratory and slowly learned more about the situation, I continued to come up with new possibilities for why this could be a problem for the world.

...so what’s amazing is how, though a combination of main story dialogue and optional side dialogue, the game successfully addresses EVERY possible problem and erases ANY doubt regarding Maruki’s solution. I assume they were going for a more nuanced moral debate, but in practice wound up in a situation where Maruki’s solution carries only the slightest ambiguity as to its righteousness.

So! Let’s go ahead and break down EVERY concern I had... and how the game either dismisses them or muddies them up quite a bit.

Concern #1: Maybe this reality is fake, and the resurrection people are just illusions/cognitive beings? ANSWER: No, this is not the case. During their first couple of discussions, when Akechi asserts that this reality is phony, Maruki assures him that it’s every bit as real as the one they remember. Moreover, Akechi himself confirms this in his next phone call with you; he investigates the possibility that Wakaba Isshki is either an illusion or cognitive existence, and he confirms that she is indeed the real Wakaba. In fact, his research confirms that she simply didn’t suffer the incident the vehicular accident that previously ended her life... and history was rewritten from there. Per his testimony, this isn’t a false reality at all — it’s an alternate universe or new timeline with its own distinct history. Think of it like we just jumped to a new “world line” in Steins;Gate or something. 

The dark side implication of this fact is that it means that if someone WERE to revert reality back to its previous state, that’d be effectively the same as killing them yourself. 

Concern #2: Does this mean that people will never undergo loss or pain of any kind? No, negative experiences definitely still exist. Note that Yoshizawa still has endured the loss of a close sister who was killed in a vehicular accident! And the Niijima family is still missing their deceased matriarch. Ann specifically mentions how she was “so sad” when Shiho transferred away to another school. In fact, even Shido is confirmed to still be under arrest for multiple confessed crimes (courtesy of the Phantom Thieves) in this reality! But that last one could be an example of how people who don’t accept this new reality can continue to be trapped in their old struggles. You can see that particular problem in the homeless man in the subway... and even more blatantly in Akechi. He’s very open about his hatred of this new reality and his opinion that he needs his miserable life experiences. He literally defines himself by his trauma, which is... uh, not a good argument. In fact, Akechi is so messed up (and historically has been such a hostile, malevolent force) that his hatred of the new reality feels more like a ringing endorsement than something we should agree with. HOWEVER... it’s worth noting that later on in the “true” story route, Maruki continuously refers to his reality as one where nobody has to suffer. So perhaps the lingering tragedies/problems I’ve mentioned are actually imperfections he intends to iron out? Or it’s possible he’s just simplifying the situation, boiling it down to the essence of his argument even if it’s not strictly the case. UNCLEAR.

Remember: If Akechi thinks something is foolish, it’s probably a very good idea. 

Concern #3: Is everyone just going to live incredibly easy lives, then? Everybody gets whatever they wish for now? First: That’s literally impossible. It is inevitable that people’s wishes will conflict with one another. Second: It’s pretty clear that goals/wishes which logically require effort to be actualized will STILL require that effort. Sae Niijima is still said to be working late nights in her job as the district prosecutor ever after the new reality emerges, and Ryuji is literally doing laps around the school EVERY DAY in order to stay in shape and keep his track skills strong. So NO, it’s not like everything just comes on a silver platter without even trying for it. Third: In all other situations beyond ONE thing on January 1st (the first day of this new reality), it seems like the new world isn’t going to just give out every desire you might think of. See, the narrative waters are muddied by the fact that Yoshizawa wishes to not encounter a crowd at the shrine on New Year’s Day... and then, shockingly, it’s mostly empty. But for the rest of the story, this trick is never again employed. In fact, there are situations in which people would OBVIOUSLY be thinking or desiring something other than what they have, but they still aren’t magically granted the perfect life. Just look back at Concern #2: Are you telling me that it never would’ve occurred to Yoshizawa to NOT have such a tragedy in her past? In fact, just rewind back to my second point under this very concern - are you going to tell me that Sae never once wanted to have a lighter workload? And why the helld did Shiho EVER transfer away from Shujin in this new reality, huh? So the most logical conclusions here are either that A) The new reality was still forming (this was its first day after all), finding its footing and still in flux, but immediate fulfillment of random frivolous wishes won’t apply after this point. OR! B) One-off wishes that are specifically spoken aloud might be granted, but otherwise the focus is on granting the SINGLE deepest wish of each person. 

Concern #4: Wait, what if some real assholes/terrible people make destructive wishes? In the real world, somebody casually thinks “ugh, I want to die” all over the world at every second, and a few people probably think “Jesus, just blow up the planet” every few minutes, but it’s not like we see random citizens keeling over or the world exploding under Takumi’s new reality. But this is a fictional world, so maybe those kind of thoughts/statements don’t exist there. In which case  the fact that Shido is currently still imprisoned for his crimes seems like evidence enough that destructive wishes being granted isn’t going to be a concern. Does anybody really believe that Takumi would hand someone like Kamoshida his greatest (...and probably dark and perverted) wishes? Nah. No fucking way.

Concern #5: If Kamoshida never was at Shujin and never abused/violated anyone, and Madarame was actually an honest and supportive “master” to his apprentice, and Okumura is a caring boss and devoted father... does that mean the Phantom Thieves never existed in this world? Does that erase the special bond our characters built? ANSWER: No, it doesn’t mean that. I already mentioned that Shido is behind bars in this reality just as he is in the preceding one, and this is (as ever) courtesy of the Phantom Thieves. The Phan-Site is still running and putting out polls, and they’re still viewed as heroes to the masses. The Thief squad still possesses the same special connection they always had. 

The Stickiest Wicket: Kasumi and/or Sumire

Ultimately, the BIGGEST concern for many people about Maruki’s actions is what’s happened to Yoshizawa. She no longer even knows her real name (Sumire) or who she was born as. She’s living her life entirely as a deceased person (her sister, Kasumi). She fully believes she is that person, and she acts and thinks and feels just like them.

A lot of people find this creepy or weird, but Maruki originally triggered this change without even knowing he was doing so. Furthermore, it happened because that’s what Sumire wished for. It’s her own desire! 

But once Maruki realized Maruki’s argument is based in the trauma that got her here. Because, you see... Sumire is responsible for her beloved sister’s untimely death. Not in a direct “I literally killed her” sense, but I mean... Sumire picked a fight with Kasumi in the streets and then ran away upset, Kasumi naturally/obviously pursued to try and calm her down, Kasumi screamed out to Sumire to not run into the street because vehicles were coming, Sumire ignored her and ran into the street, Kasumi catches up to Sumiere JUST enough to shove Sumire out of the way of an oncoming truck... and Kasumi pays for that with her life. 

We are made to live out this experience in first-person view, and it’s harrowing. Afterwards, Joker and Maruki make some effort to calm and/or comfort her. Maruki gives her the opportunity to live her true self from then on and help her move forward... or to revert back to  Understandably, Sumire can’t comprehend having to live with this deeply traumatic experience in her mind.

No shame.

I come at this storyline from an unusual perspective because a very similar story happened near where I live when I was growing up. The story of a man who accidentally wound up causing his wife’s death while they were on their honeymoon.. it absolutely shook me to my core when I was a young teen. I won’t get into the messy details because I’d prefer to not pass the horror of a real-life tragedy on to a bunch of people, but suffice it to say that it was absolutely, undeniably an accident. Even so, he was similarly wracked with guilt. The area community watched that man’s psychological state completely collapse. He never recovered, and it was hard to blame him for that.

I can’t imagine how I’d ever recover if I accidentally caused a loved one’s death, either. And hopefully, very few people will ever have to know such horror. If I knew someone in such a situation, of course I’d be there to support them while simultaneously encouraging them to get professional help they can lean on. I’d encourage anyone in such a situation to seek out help and try to support them, naturally. And Joker does do that! But holy shit, when we see flashbacks to the aftermath of the tragedy, Sumire is DEEPLY miserable. She can barely go through the motions If Sumire believes that she is Kasumi, it does more than just help heal her feelings of inferiority —  it also means that she endured a tragedy in which her little sister died because of said sister’s own actions As we’ve established - tragedy still exists. Either sister being gone is a tragedy. And Sumire who died - not because of Kasumi but because of her own fault? Its still tragic (once again, reminder: hardships and tragedy still occur here), but it’s not completely debilitating in the same way.

In light of what I saw happen so close to home, I don’t blame Yoshizawa for choosing this life at all. It’d be preferable to just have both sisters alive and together, but it does not appear that Maruki has control over what people wish for. If he did, then maybe he could restore her sister and help build up her confidence from there... that’d be greatly preferable. But if this is her biggest wish — to simply BE her sister and live life with Kasumi’s confidence — then I’m with MarukI: At least this lets her live her life happily and at peace. 

I get that it’s not the perfect solution. But I’ll take whatever option is available that prevents a situation like the doomed, self-destructive widower I mentioned three paragraphs earlier.

Maruki is Doing the Same Thing the Phantom Thieves Did... But Better

Based on the above, this seems pretty win-win for everyone (although Sumire is certainly a debatable case). Well... it’s a win-win for most everyone except Akechi; he interprets any change to the current timeline as a removal of his free will. (Which obviously isn’t completely true; we watch a whole load of characters making clear decisions and choices during this arc, even before they are ‘awakened’ from this reality and, if they accept Maruki’s reality? Even AFTER that, too. So Akechi is full of shit, ofc.) In fact, Akechi is so dead-set on following the path he already chose that he’s still grimly adamant about doing so after finding out that he’s dead in the original timeline. Akechi insists that only HE can choose what is the truth, which is very much aligned with how he used to frame people for crimes in order to get credit for their arrest :P .... AND also not at all far removed from Maruki’s stance. Except Akechi’s “truth” is self-destructive, and Maruki’s “truth” is a positive for goddamn everybody.

Explained another way: The Phantom Thieves as a whole are doing the same thing as Maruki, just on a smaller scale and without actually addressing the societal problems that create such unfairness. The Phantom Thieves have spent this entire game forcibly changing the hearts and cognition of criminals and awful people, but they’ve never bothered to examine the root of such problems. Maruki is simply taking a single swing at erasing systemic injustice and sudden-onset cruelty in the world. The Phantom Thieves are firefighters; Maruki is an architect. The Phantom Thieves are whacking down whatever moles may pop up, but Maruki? He’s dismantling the whole rigged-ass game.

And y’know, considering how much Joker and the Phantom Thieves talk about carving their own future and free will and stuff in the “True” ending.. they sure do strip a whole lot of people of THEIR free will during the game’s campaign, don’t they? 

But look, I’m sure they don’t care about that. Because somewhere along the line — and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where —the Phantom Thieves stopped caring about other people. As in: Anybody outside of their own group.

The Phantom Thieves’ Great Big Selfish Dick Move

In the “True” route, once the Phantom Thieves remember their past lives, they struggle for a bit with the idea of whether they’re doing the right thing by opposing Dr. Maruki and the new timeline. He’s only trying to help people, after all. Including all of them.

But Ryuji gives a little speech that gets everybody on-board with changing Maruki’s heart and returning to the former reality.

WOO! FUCK everybody else who is living their lives happily! FUCK all the people who are now LITERALLY ALIVE in the new timeline! Let’s re-murder them, re-traumatize people we know (umm wasn’t Shiho literally raped in the original world? but not in this timeline?................... so WTF are you fucking doing you fucking monsters??????), because ONLY WE CAN DECIDE ON OUR REALITY! And we remember the old, shittier one right now, so let’s .... default to that one I guess! Despite the fact that this is one is already established to be EQUALLY FUCKING REAL.

Shockingly, the rest of the team chooses THIS is the time to finally fucking respect Ryuji. (NOTE: The time to respect Ryuji was, in truth, every single damn day BEFORE this one. He’s an excellent human being. Or... he was. Before this moment.)

BUT NOT EVERYBODY BELIEVES IN IT, YUSUKE! What about all those people who are happy here? And what about the fact that this reality isn’t any less real than your original one? Remember: This is LITERALLY happening. This is a valid AU. There’s no trickery employed. No illusions. This is a new timeline that is VERY real.

So, why?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!

.........................towards the end of the chapter, there’s an argument made that humanity has to suffer and overcome trials and struggle in order to develop and grow. Of course, we’ve fairly well shot down the idea that there’s zero suffering in this reality (see Concern #2 above) or that there’s no effort required (see Concern #3 above). But even if we hadn’t, there’s a bigger question to face here: Is there any evidence to suggest that people WON’T grow or evolve without struggle and suffering? Can we actually back that up, this idea that we have to “overcome” in order to become better people? 

I submit that we cannot. I further submit that this is the argument of the downtrodden; the argument of the sufferers who wish to justify their own misery to themselves. But in reality? They can’t say for certain that loss and trauma are “good.” 

In fact, let me argue right now that such things are inherently BAD. People who suffer from PTSD are far more likely to have suicidal ideation, and a 2021 study showed that suicide rates are more than four times higher for people suffering from PTSD than without. If we could really erase trauma and PTSD from our world, I think we can safely say it’d make a VERY lasting impact that would be EXTREMELY worth doing.

It seems that the “spirit of rebellion” within the Phantom Thieves extends to “any decision or idea any adult has ever implemented regardless of merit.” They’re teenagers, after all... and not a single one of them is as mature as someone like P3′s Mitsuru, so I accept that their knee-jerk rebellious instincts might be overriding their ability to think logically. 

Or, let’s be more charitable about it. MAJOR DIGRESSION: This could be a situation kind of like writing Star Trek: Insurrection. (I know most of you won’t understand what I’m referencing here. I’m sorry.) That movie presents a sticky ethical debate: Is it OK for a government to forcibly relocate a population of 600 people if their current homeland contains some natural healing mojo that could be used to save *billions* of people across the galaxy? Patrick Stewart once said that he was forced to make Picard very narrow-minded in order to serve the needs of the movie’s story. Because if that same story was presented in the format of multiple TV episodes, there would’ve been time to explore a bunch of alternative solutions that weren’t as binary as “force them out and take all the healing mojo OR leave them be and don’t take any of the healing mojo.” There would obviously be multiple negotiable middle grounds that just aren’t discussed because of time constraints. (To his credit, Picard DOES try to throw up a bunch of alternatives during his confrontation with a superior officer. They’re all shot down with hand-wavey explanations, but at least a few are suggested.)

DIGRESSION OVER. My point? Maybe that’s how it is here, too. Maybe the Phantom Thieves just can’t afford to sit around and discuss this matter in a serious debate because the game is already SUPER long; they need to get the fuck on with it and not just pump you full of non-interactive cutscenes, so Ryuji simplifies everything. ............. It’s just that he does so in a manner that makes the squad look really short-sighted and selfish.

In Conclusion

I took Maruki’s deal. That was MY ending to the game. And it might very well be the best ending available! Although I’d be willing to at least consider the original Non-Royal, didn’t-completely-Maruki’s-Confidant ending as a semi-contender... but DANG, yo. It’s tough to beat the Mega-Happy New Reality Ending. (I subsequently watched the rest of the “True” ending only on YouTube playthroughs, which is where I nabbed these screenshots.)

Taking Maruki’s deal results in basically everybody getting a fulfilling, beautiful life. Although I admit that I have no idea how Akechi is now part of the new reality... because he was never going to accept it, right? And we established repeatedly that those who don’t accept it can’t really reap the benefits, so... why is he now a legitimate “detective prince” whose external behavior from the first few chapters of P5 is now actually who he is inside? How’d THAT ever happen? Not sure about that shit.

Even so, it’s a long and beautiful ending full of gorgeous art of the squad all living their best lives. Morgana is relegated to just carrying “Miss Ann’s” bags while shopping, and he doesn’t even care - he’s just happy to be there. Makoto and Sae get to have dinners with their father again. Haru is more directly involved in the “Big Bang Burger” business, working to keep it ethical and respectful of the neighborhoods where they open as she prepares to carve her own path after high school. Makoto and Haru even get to graduate.

The whole thing wraps up with Sojiro inviting Joker to finish his high school experience in Tokyo. That’s right - he’s asked if he’d like to stay at the cafe and Shujin for his third and final year. Naturally, he’s happy to accept the offer. That means he’ll even be there for an overlap with Futaba’s FIRST year in high school. (Plus he no longer has to return to his small suburban town and his parents who NEVER ONCE CALLED OR MESSAGED DURING THE YEAR, WTF??? ............ or uh, maybe that happened offscreen?) 

It’s really weird how the writers of Persona 5 Royal SO THOROUGHLY argued against any possible downside of Maruki’s new reality. I get that they wanted a complex issue to grapple with, but if they really wanted us to choose to reject the new world and pursue the True Ending, they should’ve given us some kind of good reason, right? Even if it’s just a small reason, there’s got to be an argument that’s better than “I don’t like the idea that the timeline has changed”... which is ultimately all they’ve got. But I listed all the possible concerns above, and... they didn’t leave a single one of them standing. If they’d put just ONE of those potential problems in place, maybe I’d find the matter more debatable. 

Well, probably not Concern #5. That’s not really enough to justify erasing all this societal progress.

In the end, I’m left to ask you this:

[sapphirefallschronicles]

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ Welcome to Sapphire Falls - chapter 8 ❜┊˚̥۪͙۪◌

Basketballer!Chris Evans x Abigail Syverson (plus size!ofc) & Farmer!Syverson x Livia Darmandi (Asian ofc)

Summary: Chris needs to clear his head, so he goes back to an important place in his life.

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: none

The Advent Calendar (a.k.a. the masterlist)

The reunion still spooks through my head. Seeing Abigail again, that was a little confusing. It’s been a while since we saw each other, and the last time we did see each other wasn’t very festive exactly. We didn’t even have time to have a proper chat, and to be honest, a funeral is not the right place to catch up. 

Abigail has been in my mind the moment I saw her again in the stables. She looks good, really good. We talked all night, just like the old days. It felt like we were never out of each other’s lives. But we had. For a long time. At the dinner, there was this tension between us. One that has never been there before. 

I need to clear my head. Stop thinking about her and the years we spend apart. Quickly I throw my hoodie on, and grab the basketball I have been carrying with me since high school. It's time to visit the place I spent hours back in the day.

But as I walk towards the basketball court, I couldn’t help but to relive an old memory..

●・○・●・○・●

Dammit. We just lost the state title. Our team was close, so extremely close. But when the buzzer rang, telling me we had a second left to win, I knew it was up to me. And I failed. As the ball left my hands, making its way towards the basket, I knew it was over. It was a terrible shot. The team was disappointed, not in me they said, but I was disappointed in myself. 

I needed to train harder, better. Failing important shots like these were not getting me anywhere. If I wanted to play for the Chicago Bulls one day, I had to improve. 

Sleep wouldn’t come to me anyway, so I grabbed my basketball, and climbed out the window. 

Mom was going to be so mad tomorrow, but that's tomorrow’s problem. 

The basketball court was empty, as expected at nearly midnight. I dribbled around for a bit, shooting a couple shots. Of course, I was hitting these. 

How ironic. 

I was so caught up in my own world I didn’t hear footsteps come closer. 

‘I thought your mom would ground you for the rest of your life if you sneaked out at night one more time,’ said the one and only person who knew what I would be doing at a moment like this.

‘Hi Abi.’ I turned around to face her. Black boots, black jeans, black sweater; she was the only person I knew who could pull off an outfit like that without looking basic or simple. Maybe it was red, copper hair. Or her light blue eyes. Or the entire combination. ‘Could ask you the same thing.’

‘Unlike you, I’m actually great at sneaking out,’ she laughs. 

‘Okay, I fell out the window one time! Once! Just bad luck mom was standing in front of the window witnessing it all.’ It was a painful moment, but looking back, it was kinda funny. Not that I was gonna tell Abigail that though. 

‘That was the hardest I laughed in a while, Chris,’ she said as she walked closer to me. ‘Sorry about today’s game.’

‘Mhm,’ I muttered. 

‘Wanna talk about it?’

‘Nah, not really.’ I threw the basketball through the hoop another time, only this time Abigail was the one to grab it as I touched the ground again. 

‘Don’t break a nail,’ I smirked as she was dribbling the ball, getting ready to take a shot. 

‘Chris! Don’t manifest things like that. Take it back or I will break your fingers!’ she exclaimed, but the corner of her mouth twitched, so I knew she was messing with me.

I threw my hands up in defeat, and took a step back to give her space to take a shot. The ball left her hands, and she missed miserably. ‘You are aware that the basket is right in front of you?’ I teased. 

‘Why don’t you retrieve that ball and teach me how it’s done?’ Abigail placed her hands on her hips, looking at me daringly. 

‘As you wish.’ I practically ran towards the ball, and it almost slipped out of my hands twice as I walked back to her. 

‘I truly don’t understand how you do this. As you know I am very talented, but this seems like the only skill I can’t master,’ Abigail said. She was indeed talented, and smart. She was creative and she could take the most beautiful pictures. But I knew she wasn’t being cocky. Behind the ‘I’m the most confident girl you’ll ever meet’ act was an insecure girl. Which I never understood. 

‘You still with me?’ Abigail placed her hand on my upper arm. ‘You looked a little lost there.’

‘Yeah. yeah. Alright, now what you wanted to do is to focus on the square just above the basket,’ I said, turning her around so she was facing the basket. I stepped closer to her, and placed the basketball in her hands again. 

‘Mhm,’ she hummed. I covered her hands with mine, our faces inches apart. I could feel her hair tickle my cheek. And hear her breathing become irregular, like mine. 

‘Keep focusing on one of the lines, and aim for that spot,’ I said softly. I raised our hands, and together we watched the basketball fly through the hoop. ‘See? It ain’t that hard.’

A smile formed on Abigail's face, and she spun around in my arms. One of her hands was suddenly on my chest, as the other touched my neck. I was glad my arms sneaked their way around her waist by themselves, because I had trouble thinking straight.

We stood there for what felt like an eternity before I decided to lean forward. It was now or never. Abigail had always kept me at a distance when it came to this, so this might be my only shot. 

As our lips were about to touch, we heard a loud bark near us. Of course, there was someone in Sapphire Hills who decided this would be a great time to walk their dog. 

‘I, uh, I should go back. You know, before mom finds out and kills me. Or worse, ground me and make me spend time with Sy,’ Abigail said, pretending to come off like she was joking, but in reality she was shaking all over her body. 

‘I can walk you back?’ I suggested, not ready to part from her. 

‘It’s alright, besides, you should go back home as well.’ She smiled softly, and before I knew it, she had walked away, out of my sight.

●・○・●・○・●

That night many years ago continues to run through my mind. I bet I will be unable to think about anything else. There is so much to consider, to think about. What would have happened if we had kissed? Could we have worked together, as a couple? Maybe I wouldn’t have had a failed engagement, maybe I could have just been happy with Abigail. 

But we didn’t kiss. So here I am. Back home after a failed love life, and not happy with who I am. 

From a distance I watch a few kids playing basketball. I witness their dribbles and their creativity. There are times where I miss this. Miss the open-minded way of playing. Now it’s statistics, tactics and what not. Training all day, watching, and reviewing old matches. Nothing like this anymore. Not just simply playing basketball, bonding with teammates. 

Not having Abigail on the bleachers. 

‘Look, look!’ one of the kids suddenly exclaims. ‘It’s Chris Evans!’

While I carefully make my way onto the field, I see the kids rushing over to me. All with that hopeful expression in their eyes. They bombard me with questions and one thing rushes through my mind instantly:

I’m their role model.

Why haven’t I gone back to my roots? Why haven’t I given these kids someone in real life to look up to? It’s a missed opportunity, one I curse myself for. 

The only thing I could do at that moment: have fun with these kids. Teaching them a few tricks, while they teach me how to be the old me again. 

[mariacallous]

If I were granted paradise I would not wish to have it alone May no clouds rain on me and my land That do not cover the whole country

When Riad al-Turk, the veteran dissident known affectionately as “the old man of the Syrian opposition,” died on New Year’s Day 2024 in exile in France at the age of 93, his family took the unusual step of starting his death notice not with a religious quote but with the above lines by the 11th-century Syrian poet, philosopher and freethinker Abu al-Alaa al-Maarri. The egalitarian spirit of the verse captures much of the essence of Riad, who lived a life of great personal sacrifice in the struggle for a free and democratic Syria. He suffered immensely but was not broken. He leaves behind a rich legacy.

When I first met Riad, I had recently arrived in Damascus from Britain. It was the year 2000. It was a mild autumn, but all the talk was of a “Damascus Spring.” Hafez al-Assad had just died, after three decades of totalitarian dictatorship, and his son Bashar had inherited the presidency. The new president seemed to be an outward-looking modernizer. Many Syrians at home and abroad believed his presidency would usher in a new democratic age. My father was one of many political dissidents who seized the moment to return from exile. He took me with him.

Riad al-Turk was a close friend and former comrade of my father’s. He used to visit our house in Tiliani, behind the Italian Hospital from which the district takes its name. I saw my father truly come alive on those evenings when they sat with other friends in a smoke-filled room, a glass of arak or whisky in hand, voices raised, hands gesturing. During those visits my father relived the escapades of his youth. He could also engage in the animated political discussions he’d missed so much in exile.

I was young, and my interest in Syrian politics was limited. I had come to Damascus to spend time with family. I had recently graduated with a master’s degree in human rights and had dreams of working in South Asia. Did I want to work on human rights in Syria? Riad asked me. A short while later, I found myself attending a meeting of a human rights monitoring center, one of the newly formed independent civil society organizations that had sprung up following Hafez al-Assad’s death. The meeting was held in an old stone building in Damascus’ Baramkeh neighborhood. I was introduced that day to a young lawyer called Razan Zaitouneh. We were the same age, both of us were passionate about human rights and social justice, and we quickly developed a strong friendship. At the time, I was largely oblivious to the risks such work entailed.

I never made it to South Asia, and I saw a great deal more of Riad.

Riad al-Turk was born in Homs in 1930. He grew up in an orphanage. Maybe it was his early childhood experience that imbued him with the strong sense of injustice and the determination to resist it that would define his life. He became politically active while in law school, and in 1952 he joined the Syrian Communist Party (SCP). His first short stint in prison was the same year. This was punishment for opposing the military coup led by Adib al-Shishakli, one of a series of coups that followed Syria’s formal independence from France. Then he was imprisoned again in 1958 and held for 16 months for opposing the short-lived United Arab Republic, which brought the Syrian and Egyptian states together under Gamal Abdel Nasser’s rule. Both the Shishakli coup and the Nasserist dictatorship significantly eroded Syrian democracy, giving the military and security services a central role in political life. It was this assault on democracy — and, specifically, Nasser’s banning of the Syrian Communist Party — that provoked the opposition of Riad and his comrades. He was a democrat to his core. And by now he had suffered grievous torture, which didn’t subdue his fervor for justice — on the contrary, it deepened and made it more visceral. He refused to back down.

He served as secretary general of the Syrian Communist Party (Political Bureau) from its foundation in 1973 until 2005. The party was formed following a split in the SCP over several key disagreements. The breakaway Political Bureau wanted the Arabs to play a role independent of the Soviet Union and opposed the SCP’s authoritarian leadership under Khaled Bakdash. In 1972, they rejected the SCP’s decision to join the pro-regime National Progressive Front, which provided a facade of political pluralism while the reality was absolute subservience to the ruling Baath Party and the Hafez al-Assad cult. The Political Bureau was able to operate at first, although with restrictions. But the regime cracked down on the party after it strongly condemned Syria’s intervention in Lebanon in 1976, in which Assad supported pro-Israel Falangist militias against the Palestinian-leftist alliance. All party activity was severely repressed. In October 1980, Riad was arrested.

On this occasion, he was imprisoned for almost 18 years, spending the whole time in solitary confinement. For the first 10 years he didn’t have a bed to sleep on. As well as the psychological torment, he was subjected to extreme physical torture. He refused repeated attempts to co-opt him in return for his release.

He was isolated from the outside world entirely. It was only in the final months that he was allowed books, newspapers or mail. I once asked him how he managed not to lose his mind after such a long period in solitary confinement. He told me how he used to collect lentils from his meals to turn into artworks. This story became well known among Syrians, in part through two films made by Mohammad Ali Atassi about Riad’s life: “Ibn al-Amm” (The Cousin, 2001) and “Ibn al-Amm Online” (The Cousin Online, 2012).

His long periods in prison, and his unwavering commitment to a free Syria, earned him comparisons to Nelson Mandela. I was often in awe not just of Riad, but of other former prisoners who, despite years of incarceration and brutal treatment, resumed their political activism when they were released. I suppose they’d had everything else taken from them — the chance of a life lived with family, of raising children — and knew that once your eyes are opened to tyranny and injustice, remaining silent is also a political choice.

Riad was released in May 1998. Hafez al-Assad died in 2000.

When I arrived in Syria in the fall of 2000, the “Damascus Spring” was in full swing. In the supposed political opening of Bashar’s nascent reign, a number of forums were being set up, primarily in Damascus but also in other towns. In these forums, dissidents gathered to discuss ideas of political reform. It was by no means a radical movement — its demands were modest — yet it represented a significant change in a polity where, for decades, all criticism was forbidden and brutally suppressed. Once more, Riad became a prominent critic of the regime. In an interview on Al Jazeera in August 2001, he declared, “the dictator has died.” The regime was angered. Riad was arrested and tried by the State Security Court and spent another 15 months in prison.

At the human rights organization where I worked, one of our main areas of focus was political prisoners and prisoners of conscience — those from a wide variety of backgrounds and political beliefs who were imprisoned because they opposed the regime and advocated for a free and democratic Syria. As the “Damascus Spring” turned to winter, we were increasingly advocating for friends and colleagues who had been incarcerated by the regime. Riad was one of them. It had now become apparent that Bashar al-Assad would continue his father’s authoritarian rule.

In 2005, the Syrian Communist Party (Political Bureau) moved away from its Marxist-Leninist roots. Adopting a social democratic orientation, it became the Syrian Democratic People’s Party. Riad stepped down as party secretary, but remained an active and influential member. In October of that year, he was one of the signatories to the Damascus Declaration. This attempt to unify the political opposition called for a multiparty democracy based on free periodic elections, respect for the rule of law, equality and human rights. (In 2011, the Syrian Democratic People’s Party joined the Syrian National Council through its participation in the Damascus Declaration.)

But Riad was aware that a lack of political freedoms was not the only challenge people faced. The neoliberal economic reforms introduced by Bashar al-Assad and his regime’s rampant corruption and crony capitalism were impoverishing large sections of the population. In a 2005 interview, Riad observed:

The issues that concern people are the issues that affect their daily lives. The average salary, for example, is less than 6,000 lira (about $115) per month. It’s not enough; they need to pay rent and put food on the table and most families have at least five people. … The average citizen may work two or three jobs and there is no time for anything else. How is he supposed to get active in politics? It’s not possible because the mafia-like rulers have continuously impoverished the people of this country.

Riad al-Turk was a man of quiet and unassuming dignity. He was a profoundly intelligent man and one of considered words. He exuded warmth despite the sadness in his eyes that hinted at the ocean of pain he must have carried within.

At our office in Baramkeh, a delicious cooked lunch was prepared every afternoon. We were often joined by various figures of the Syrian opposition — human rights defenders, political activists and journalists. As Razan Zaitouneh and I were the two young women in a group of older men, the task of clearing away the dishes often fell to us. The exception was Riad. This elderly, frail gentleman, whose iconic status and history of hardship should have exempted him from any mundane tasks, always got up to help us.

He was also generous in spirit. I still have two gifts from Riad, one a beautiful simple silver box for tobacco (he found my smoking roll-ups amusing) and the other a set of beads strung by political prisoners during their incarceration.

When the Syrian revolution erupted in 2011, of course Riad openly supported it. He believed the revolution belonged to the youth, and he was critical of the traditional opposition from which he himself came. In a 2011 interview, he told the filmmaker Atassi:

Revolutions are not made by statements and television interviews but by action on the ground. … Today, we face a people emerging from their silence, developing their own language, inventing their slogans and forms of action. Let us listen to them carefully, walk with them and not ahead of them and refrain from hijacking their voices to our benefit.

In the early days of the revolution, he went into hiding, at first staying in Damascus to avoid arrest as the regime was rounding up thousands of pro-democracy protesters and opposition activists. He was close to the young activists of the local coordination committees co-founded by Razan Zaitouneh that organized the protest movement and engaged in media work. He moved throughout the liberated areas encouraging the youth to join the rebellion against the regime’s tyranny. Although not himself a member, he was influential in the Syrian National Council (the opposition body in exile) when it was formed in Istanbul in August 2011. In 2018, in deteriorating health, he left his beloved Syria and fled via Turkey to France, to be with his daughters following his wife’s death.

Some rare people who enter your life are teachers — people who, through their friendship, change you forever. Riad al-Turk was such a person for me. So was Razan Zaitouneh, the young woman he introduced me to all those years ago. (Razan was kidnapped in the Syrian city of Douma in 2013, most likely by the Islamist militia Jaish al-Islam, along with three other activists — Samira al-Khalil, Wael Hammadeh and Nazem Hammadi — collectively known since their disappearance as the Douma Four.) Riad and Razan taught me the same lesson: that political struggle is not an abstract, elite or intellectual endeavor. Political struggle starts and ends with people — it stands by them, and walks together with them. Riad al-Turk liked to be called by the affectionate term “Ibn al-Amm” (cousin) by his friends and comrades. But to me he was always “Ammo” (uncle). The best way we can honor his legacy is by continuing to strive for the Syria he gave his life to achieve.

[shelbyroundthemountain]

Hollow Resonance

Yugi still wasn’t used to navigating the Kaiba Mansion, but Kaiba had said to let himself in whenever he stopped by. More accurately, he told Yugi not to pester him with things like doorbells, but that was as close as Kaiba could get to extending an open invitation. Kaiba’s office was the only place he could be trusted to find on his own, but that was where Kaiba always was anyway.

Through the ornate doorway of the office, Yugi could see Kaiba standing in the middle of the room. He was inspecting an object a bit smaller than a basketball that gleamed a sickly yellow-gray. Kaiba turned it over in his hands and Yugi could make out a joyfully raised trunk and gaudy painted eyes.

“Is that an elephant?” Yugi asked.

Kaiba’s gaze flicked to him briefly.

“An elephant vase, yes.”

“Oh. Not sure it matches the decor here. Thinking of redecorating?”

“Not quite. It’s for Mokuba.” then, too late to be casual, he added, “It belonged to our parents.”

“Your birth parents?” Yugi asked, suddenly feeling like he intruded on a private moment, “I thought you didn’t have anything left from them?”

“We didn’t. This elephant is the result of considerable man hours of investigating dusty bins of auction records and pawn tickets.” Kaiba explained.

“And you did that all for Mokuba’s birthday?”

“He doesn’t remember our parents. It may not look like much, but Mokuba deserves to have something from them. Even if it's just a ceramic elephant” Kaiba stated.

“Still, he’ll appreciate it.” Yugi replied, “That’s a lot to go through for a birthday present.”

“I have a lot to make up for.” Kaiba had a distant gleam in his eye. “I wasn’t around like I should’ve been for a long time.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t hold that against you.” Yugi assured him.

“He doesn’t. He’s forgiven me for a lot that he shouldn’t have.” he passed the elephant from one hand to the other, “he even forgave me for Death-T.”

Yugi’s palms started to sweat. They never talked about Death-T and he’s feeling woefully unprepared to start now.

“You remember Death-T?” He asked.

“Tch. How could I forget something like that?” Kaiba responded. His knuckles white where they gripped the elephant. Yugi could almost hear it creak in protest.

“It's just that-” Yugi swallowed, “I thought Atem erased your memory.”

The elephant shattered.

Ceramic shards littered the ground. A few pieces skittered across the hardwood floor.

“Shit.” Kaiba cursed. He clenched his now empty hands into fists and kneeled down, facing away from Yugi. He began collecting a few of the broken pieces.

“Fuck. Kaiba, I’m so sorry.” Yugi really wished he could see his face, gauge how bad this was about to get. “I didn’t mean to- I’ll just leave, I'm so sorry.”

“Stop.” Kaiba waved off Yugi’s apologies,”Stay. If you want. Just… give me a second.”

Yugi froze in place, unsure if Kaiba wanted his help. For a minute, the only sound in the room was the soft clinking of ceramic as Kaiba methodically collected them.

“I didn’t forget…” Kaiba broke the silence without warning, “He didn’t erase my memory. I remember everything. The Pharaoh broke me apart, but I had to put myself back together. I relived everything in that coma. Every day I’ve ever lived was projected endlessly while I sorted through all the pieces. ”

It was strange to see Kaiba like this. Whether he was jumping from helicopters or sneering down from billboards, he always managed to make himself larger than life. He mirrored his dragons: proud, tall, and untouchable. Now he was hunched in the shadows, hiding his face. He looked small. Vulnerable.

“Not all of me got put back.” Kaiba continued, “Some parts were too corrupted and had to be cut out. Ever since then it’s felt like something is missing.”

Kaiba rubbed absently at his chest.

“Do you think that’s what he wanted? Is my penalty to live feeling incomplete for the rest of my life?”

It was a challenge. It was always these games with Kaiba.

“He isn’t punishing you, Kaiba. You were hurting a lot of people and you needed to be stopped.” Yugi took an unconscious step forward, wincing when he heard the crunch of ceramic underneath his boot “He was trying to show you mercy.”

“Mercy?” Kaiba let out a cruel laugh, “Was that his idea of mercy?”

Shit. Not ceramic, an eggshell.

“Reliving my entire childhood of neglect and torment could be a mercy,” he mocked, “only if you compare it to being devoured by monsters for 8 hours. Though, you’re right. I did hurt a lot of people. Is that your point? That I doled out worse than I got so I should stop whining-”

“Don’t put words in my mouth. I never said-”

“If he was interested in showing real mercy he would’ve ended me there and then!”

Yugi was tired of this. If Kaiba wanted to have this fight then he was going to have to look him in the face goddamnit. He was sick of staring at the man’s back. He was sick of Kaiba’s constant hiding.

Yugi circled around him, careful to avoid the bits of ceramic littering the floor. He half expected to see Kaiba smiling, his eyes overtaken with the same madness that had gripped him at Death-T.

Instead, he saw a young man on his knees with red rimmed eyes and a blotchy pink nose. His lips were upturned in a halfhearted grimace. Kaiba whipped his head up to meet Yugi’s eyes defiantly.

“Why are you even here, Muto?”

“You said I could stay.”

“Don’t play stupid,” he tsked “It doesn’t suit you. What’s the real reason? Were you hoping I’d bare my soul to you? Did you want this to be the day you finally tore down my walls like He did? I didn’t want to get ripped open, you know. Before that, everything was fine. For the first time in my life I was numb. Truly numb. After a decade of enduring Gozaboro he finally couldn’t hurt me. I could actually be free.”

“Then you and your little Pharaoh had to fuck it up” Kaiba accused breathlessly. “His mercy only left defenseless. It felt like being vivisected and left open. Every missing piece turned into a bitter memory.”

Yugi just watched. He knew what Kaiba meant about the missing pieces. About the constant ache they cause. He knew from experience there wasn’t much he could say to make it better. Some pain can’t be soothed, only endured. Kaiba took a few steadying breaths.

“He was supposed to fix me.” Kaiba sounded like he was pleading with some absent god “he left before I was done.”

Listening to Kaiba sent a chill through Yugi. It whistled over the holes in his heart, like breath over an empty glass bottle. A hollow resonance hummed through a space that once housed a feeling of comfort, companionship,and love. A space once filled to the brim by Atem, now left empty, open, and stinging like an exposed nerve.

The sensation made him want to shudder, cry, scream, do anything that might release the dull anguish that has been gnawing at him this last year. None of those options could properly communicate what it felt like to lose half your soul, nor did they seem particularly helpful with this situation. So Yugi settled on crouching down and retrieving the rest of the pieces of Kaiba’s last family heirloom. He set them carefully in Kaiba’s lap, and plopped down next to him.

“Yeah,” Yugi drew his knees under his chin. “Me too.”

Kaiba watched him closely for a moment. He hummed in acknowledgement.

Winning the ceremonial duel was supposed to prove that Yugi was ready to stand on his own.It was meant to prove he could thrive without Atem. It must have been some mistranslation though, because Yugi’s been finding it difficult just to function as a normal highschooler, forget thriving.

Tea, Joey, and Tristan were all doing so well. They all loved Atem. They all grieved, but they also seemed to be able to get back up and continue on with their lives. Seeing them succeed despite their grief should have been inspirational, but all it seemed to do was remind Yugi that he wasn’t capable of that. It’s been getting to the point that it’s hard to even talk to them. They’ve all been making so much progress on their post-highschool plans. For them, everyday was filled with more progress and new developments as they inch their way towards their respective goals. For Yugi, every day was a boring blend of sadness and pain. He’s gone days without calling just so he doesn’t have to lie when they ask how he’s been.

But Kaiba, even in all his sarcasm and vitriol, he understood. Or at least Yugi thought he did. They’re both struggling with the holes Atem left behind. He doesn’t feel like he has to be ok around Kaiba, because Kaiba is the biggest emotional wreck he knows. If Kaiba’s worried that Yugi just wants to fix him, then he’s dead wrong. These days he’s barely interested in talking to anyone who has their shit together, and knowing that Kaiba is as much of a mess as him is… comforting. There’s a comranderie to it.

“Hey” Yugi said softly, “Do you have any super glue? I think this is still salvageable.”

[mxstball]

A Checkpoint with Leaf

Before Leaf's eyes was a large, ethereal staircase -- one that she was slowly climbing. As she was doing so, she reflected on the past several minutes. It was strange -- she relived some of her past memories from her childhood as an experiment of Team Rocket to her initial Pokémon journey to her disappearance, to the day she went to confront her father, and even the encounter with the other version of her. As Leaf climbed, she couldn't help but have several emotions welling up in her body -- grief, anger, relief, joy….

Was this one of the Arceus checkpoints that Heidi mentioned about?

Leaf continued to climb the stairs. Looking around, the world seemed to get smaller. The ground she initially stood on was nothing but a speck. Mountains began to look like molehills. Even the clouds were growing small. Still, Leaf climbed and climbed, not wishing to keep whoever was on the other side waiting.

Eventually, Leaf started to see the end of the staircase. It was there, in the edge of space, where she saw a rainbow platform stretch for as far as the eyes could see. Upon reaching the top, she could see the platform in all of its glory, along with a singular creature at the center. She was standing there with a welcoming smile and waved at the trainer when she noticed her. She also felt… familiar.

Leaf walked up to the creature and waved. "Hiya." She smiled. "So you're… that Arceus, right?"

"I'm an Arceus, yes. If you're looking for your Arceus, then that's not me." Arceus shook her head.

Leaf shook her head as well. "No, not Lacey. The other Arceus -- the one that's kind of like Lacey but from another universe. She told me about a version of her where she was always an Arceus, and that she's been meeting people through these checkpoints. That's you, right?"

Arceus giggled and nodded. "That'd be me, yes. Here, why don't you sit with me, Leaf? We can talk more."

Leaf nodded and approached Arceus. The two of them then sat down on the floor and closed their eyes together. For some time, even though they were going to talk, it seemed like they were meditating together. The peaceful quiet between two parallel friends felt almost unmatched, in Leaf's eyes. After all, she considered all parallel versions of her friends as friends in return. Thus, even without them saying a single word to each other, Arceus and Leaf still felt each other's presence and feelings. They still felt what the other believed, and that was far more important.

After what felt like an eternity, Leaf finally spoke.

"Arceus?"

Neither of them opened their eyes, but Arceus did respond. "Yes, Leaf?"

"Can… I ask you for advice?"

"You can ask me anything, Leaf. What is it?"

"Well, I… was going to talk to Lacey and Zinnia about this, but I'm… a little nervous. It's… about something that I'm a little worried about and I'm worried that they'll judge me when I do, so I wanted to ask you about it first as a test run, if that makes sense."

Arceus nodded. "I understand. What is it?"

"So, did you see all of those memories?"

"I did, yes. You've had a lot happen in your young life, Leaf. Was there something in there in particular that you wanted to talk about?"

"Yeah. It's… about the memory with the other version of me." Leaf kept her eyes closed but shook her head. "Her… name is Blue just so we're on the same page."

"Okay. Is there something about Blue that you're concerned about?"

Leaf nodded. "Yeah. So, that day that you saw… when she and I were battling to save our lives, that wasn't the last time that I saw her. I encountered her and some friends of hers a few times during my recent travels to Ultra Space, but she was… different -- much different, really. At first, I thought that she was in trouble again because I was following traces of a Team Rainbow Rocket--"

"--but then it turns out that not only was she a part of Team Rainbow Rocket, but she's also the leader of it."

"I see." Arceus paused for a moment. "From the encounter that I saw between you and her, you must have seen her in a special light, so it must have been jarring for you to learn this information."

"Yeah…." Leaf nodded. She paused for a moment and sighed. "That Blue and I… we… kinda did some things together that day. We both were really curious about each other and it was before I started dating Zinnia, but Blue and I had… uh… a fun time privately if that makes sense." She blushed. "S--so that's why it was so jarring and scary to see her like that."

"There is no need to be embarrassed, Leaf. I understand." Arceus giggled.

"You do?"

Arceus nodded. "Yes. Like your travels through Ultra Space, I have also ventured and encountered many other versions of myself in much of my own journey. The dynamic would often differ, but there have been times where my encounters with other variants of myself would be more… intimate in nature."

"So, you did that too?"

"Mmm." Arceus nodded again.

"Did… you feel awkward about it? It's another version of yourself, after all."

"Well, yes, at first. I won't deny that… but, then you come to realize that, sometimes, it's best to not let shame and doubt get in the way of a genuine dynamic. Sometimes, you may consider someone as your enemy. Sometimes, you may consider someone as your friend or family. Sometimes, you may consider someone as something more than that. All of these feelings are valid, and they're nothing to be ashamed of. Knowing the feeling, understanding it, and finding the agreed dynamic between you and someone else without fear or shame will not only help said dynamic, but will further develop you as a person."

"...even if that person changes?"

"Even if that person changes. If change occurs, then accept it. The change doesn't invalidate what you used to have. It is simply a cause to change the current dynamic into something new."

Leaf let out a sigh and nodded. "...okay."

Leaf let out a few breaths as she thought about Arceus's words. She thought about the encounters that she had with Blue. Still, there was something that worried her -- and, just when the feeling appeared, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Leaf opened her eyes and looked over. Arceus was kneeling next to her with her hand still on her shoulder. Arceus had a soft smile.

"I can tell that you're still worried. Considering the history of Team Rainbow Rocket with this world, are you concerned that she'll appear here, too?"

Leaf let out a breath, but nodded in silence.

Arceus nodded and sat down directly next to Leaf. "I understand. After all, your original Team Rocket had done so much to you and to your region… and Team Rainbow Rocket did horrible things in the short time that they were here. It would be understandable that you'd be worried about a third incident."

Leaf looked away and nodded.

Arceus turned to look at Leaf. She lightly put her hand on the Leaf's cheek, prompting Leaf to turn around and look at her.

"Let them come." Arceus nodded. "If they wish to come here, let them. I have faith in this world and of all of you that you won't let this new wave of Team Rocket hurt more than they have to, and it's the best way to get all of your friends on the same page, too. If they show here, show no fear or no pain, but instead organize, find their plans, and foil them. However, before that can happen, please talk to your peers and to Heidi about your findings. That way, if they do come, then it won't be a surprise to anyone."

Leaf nodded.

Arceus continued to smile. "It may be embarrassing now -- to talk about your relation to Blue -- but telling them when you're ready and when you're not forced will be better for you and for them, okay?"

Leaf nodded. "Th--thank you, Arceus."

"Anytime, Leaf."

The two embraced in a hug. It was the last thing that Leaf would do within her checkpoint.

[misetiverecon]

It's supposed to get better. I've seen it time and time again, and all it does is annoy me .

When am I ALLOWED to get better? When is it enough? When do I stop punishing myself for things that happened almost a year ago? When do I get to be happy without feeling like shit after? When do I get to eat and not worry about weather or not your treating yourself right? When do I get to feel human?

I'm so sick and tired of having little to no motivation. I'm tired of falling asleep with cut and bruised thighs, even if it's self inflicted. I'm tired of being and feeling powerless and useless. I'm tired of feeling like an emotional sack of shit. I'm so tired of feeling like I don't matter. I'm so sick and tired of feeling disgusting in my own body and mind.

What I've done and said to you cycle around in my head all day. What you've said and done to me cycle with it. Every single day I relive the moment when I first lost control. Everyday I feel guilt when I remember you saying that you'd feel bad for me if I didn't kill myself. Every fucking day, I'm forced to go back to that room that you almost died in. It doesn't stop. Sometimes the cycle will pause, but always starts again. Sleep is my only escape.

I still cry for you and what you went through. It tears apart my heart to know I could have and should have done so much better. I hyperventilate over the fact that I'll never be able to get back what I lost when you ended our relationship.

I knew we were toxic together. But we thought in the end everything would be fine. You and I overlooked every red flag because of it. Instead of solving our issues, we ignored them. We only talked about how we could have avoided things after a breakdown. We never told each other what was really wrong until after we blew things to pieces.

You say you knew we wouldn't last long, but I trusted you when you made promises. I believed you when you said I'd be yours forever. I trusted you when you said we'd truly be together one way. I was naive and stupid, but I still feel like you led me on. I also feel bad for thinking it, and I'm angry with myself because you felt like you had to protect me from the reality of what was happening.

I know I hurt you, and that what you did back, I deserved. But the time you called the cops on me, the time you lied to my mother... I can't over look those. You trust me with so many things, yet I can't trust you. It's always double standards with you. You'll tell me to be safe, but at the same time be hurting yourself every night. I know it's not your fault. I know you have mental health issues. But still upsets me. You have such low standards for yourself.

It makes me feel like crap that I can't help you. That I can't fix your problems.

I hate how you've moved on, while I'm still stuck here in this never ending loop. I want it stop, but the only way to do that is to end my life. I know you don't care weather I'm alive or not. You've said that to me directly. But if you don't care, why do we still talk? Why do you still want to know how im doing? You say so many things that contradict over things you've said. I know you don't mean to be, but your so goddamn confusing.

All that said, I'm still in love with you. Unlike you, I ment it when I said I'd love you forever. But God, I wish I didn't love you. It hurts to love you.

[empressofthesunwriter]

Nothing is True

… Everything is permitted.

What is real?

What is not?

Is she just turning crazy or are other powers at work?

One thing is clear Kohana will get to the bottom of this and maybe change the whole Ninja-World at the same time.

S.I. Third Shinobi World War 

!!!!PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!

Since Obito’s Grandma doesn’t have an official name I gave her own. ^^

I hope you like it. :D

Chapter 8: New Discoveries

The next day, before it was time to meet with her team, Kohana walked into the Uchiha District.

Where else could she find information about Uchiha Madara and hopefully his lover, her ancestor, Haruno Sakuya?

Soon she reached Obito's house and knocked on the door.

Her teammate opened it after a few seconds.

“Yes, hello?”, he yawned cutely, still sleepy and in his sleepwear.

Konoha wished to have a camera to immortalize this moment.

Obito was adorable!

But she was here on business.

“Morning Obito-Kun, shouldn’t you get ready to meet up with our team?”, she couldn’t help but tease.

It was like lighting struck him, waking the Uchiha full up.

“Huah! Konoha-Chan?! Aww, don’t tell me you really will pick me up till I get my tardiness under control.”, he whined.

Gosh, he was so cute.

The urge to kiss his cheeks was strong in Konoha.

Why was her crush such a cutie?

So unfair!

“I’m also here for that.”, she told him and hid a giggle as he groaned. “But I need your help with something.”

“Huh? What is it, Konoha-Chan.”

She took a deep breath.

What she was going to ask could get Obito in trouble and that’s the last that she wanted.

Needless she said: “Uchiha Madara. I learned recently that my ancestor Haruno Sakuya was his lover did you know this?”

Obito's eyes widened at the mention of Uchiha Madara and Haruno Sakuya.

So he knows something!

That was surprising.

He quickly composed himself and replied, "Yes, I've heard about it. But it's not something we talk about openly in the district. It’s all hush-hush...Uchiha’s don’t normally date or marry outside the clan. But..."

The boy waved her over. Konoha stepped closer so that he could whisper in her ear.

She ignored the warm shower over her body as his hot breath stroked her skin.

“But...My Grandma told me that Sakuya was a special case. She was a welcomed guest in our clan since she was a Miko devoted to Amaterasu, our patron goddess. So as she and Uchiha Madara courted, the clan was okay with it. Even the Elders and they were always a pain in the ass.”

Huh, that was interesting.

“Sorry, but wasn’t Madara the Clan Head? Couldn’t he marry whoever he wanted?”, wondered Konoha.

The Uchiha shook his head.

“If you want to bring an outsider into the clan you need the permission of the Elders. Whatever just a normal shinobi or the clanhead.”

Double huh.

“Konoha-Chan do you wanna come in? Grandma knows more about this stuff than I do. She met Sakuya when she was a little girl.”

Well, if Obito's grandma personally knew her ancestor, who was she to say no?

Konoha thanked Obito for inviting her in and followed him into the kitchen.

His grandma, Uchiha Keika, was sitting on the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea.

“Obito-Chan who was it on the door?”, asked the elderly lady.

“Gran you remember my friend Konoha?”, said Obito putting a hand on Konoha’s shoulder. “She wants to ask you something.”

The Haruno bowed down.

“I hope I don’t disturb.”

That’s when Keika looked at her and blinked owlish.

“Incredible...you look exactly like her! Aren’t you a Haruno, child?”

“Yes I’m Uchiha-San.”

“Aww, any friend of my Obito can call me grandma, sweetheart.”

Now Konoha awed in her head.

Obito's grandma was as sweet as she remembers

“Alright, grandma, I look like who?”

“I met her when I was a child and she a grown woman, but you have the same face, eyes and hair colour as Sakuya-Sama.”

Konoha couldn't believe it.

She looked like her ancestor, Haruno Sakuya.

That was unbelievable!

And also strange.

Not only was she reliving the life of her ancestor, but she looked also like her.

Something was definitely not normal about that.

"Grandma, I'm so grateful for your time. I've been trying to learn more about my ancestor and her connection to Uchiha Madara for months," Konoha said eagerly.

"Of course, dear. It's always nice to see young people taking an interest in their family history.", Keika smiled kindly to her and then turned to Obito. “Take an example from your friend Obito-Chan.”

“Gran!”, whined the boy.

“Obito-Chan go make some tea for Konoha-Chan, while we talk. Sit down, dear.”

Both kids did as Keika asked them.

So while Obito heated up the tea again, Konoha sat in front of the older Uchiha.

"Can you tell me more about Sakuya's relationship with Uchiha Madara? How did they meet?" Konoha asked, leaning forward.

The old woman took a sip of her tea before answering. "Sakuya-Sama was a Miko devoted to Amaterasu, which is our patron goddess. She often visited our clan to perform purification rituals and offer blessings. That's how she first met Madara."

The old woman giggled.

“Sakuya-Sama was a real beauty. A lot of men and women in our clan crushed on her. When I saw her the first time, I thought she was some nature deity herself. I bet you will grow up to be just as beautiful.”

This made Konoha bashful, looking into the tea cup Obito placed in from of her as the boy joined them on the kitchen table.

“Really Gran?”, wondered Obito. “Some of our clansmen were crushing on Sakuya?”

Keika nodded. "Yes, but ironically it wasn’t Madara who first caught her eye. It was Izuna, Madara younger brother. They were inseparable from the moment they met. They became quite good friends, their relationship resembled the one siblings had. Madara was quite jealous that a woman spending so much time with his beloved brother and also he felt like Izuna was favouring a stranger over him. Actually Sakuya and Madara butted heads on more than one occasion, they were like cat and dog."

Keika took another sip of her tea before continuing. "But eventually Madara saw the error in his ways, after a lot of shouting matches between him and Sakuya and between Izuna and himself. It’s said that Izuna told his brother he would always be his most precious person, but he was allowed to have others too. Madara accepted their friendship, but then Izuna died at the hands of Senju Tobirama. You both truly know the story."

Both kids nodded.

“I know that Sakuya was also friends with Senju Hashirama and Senju Tobirama, I can’t image how it felt to hear your friend killed your other friend.”, mumbled Konoha.

"It was a devastating time for her and Madara. But this was the Warring States Era for you. Friends could become foes in one second, foes could become your friends.”, shared Keika with them. “In their grief for Izuna, they became friends and eventually in time Madara and Sakuya fell in love with each other.”

"Their love was a forbidden one, as Uchihas were not allowed to marry outside the clan. But Madara was the Clan Head and had some leverage, so he went against the Elders' wishes and married Sakuya in secret. They kept their marriage hidden from everyone, even their closest friends and family members."

Konoha's eyes widened in surprise. "They got married? I had no idea."

"Yes, my dear," Keika said with a smile. "Their love was strong enough to overcome any obstacle. But unfortunately, it was short-lived. Madara became consumed by hate and his desire for power. He never could forgive Senju Tobirama for killing his brother, even if it was war back then and it was killed or to be killed, then he didn’t become Hokage and our clan was tired of the fighting. Sakuya had found in her heart the power to forgive Senju Tobirama and worked with Senju Hashirama, Tobirama and Uzumaki Mito to create a peaceful village and better life for all of us. Sakuya couldn't bear to see Madara become someone she didn't recognize anymore. She tried to save him from himself, but you know it was fruitless.”

Keika sighed sadly, "It was a tragic end to their love story. Madara and Sakuya parted ways, with Madara going down a dark path that ultimately led to his downfall. Sakuya continued to work towards peace and prosperity for the village until her death. She married a civilian man, and had a son and a daughter with him. Her son, Haruno Oga is your great-grandfather, right?"

Konoha simply nodded.

Keika took a deep breath and continued, "But you know, Konoha, I always felt that Madara regretted his actions towards the end. He realized too late what he had lost in Sakuya and how much she meant to him. It's a tragedy that their love couldn't survive the turmoil of those times."

The Haruno listened intently to Keika's words, feeling a sense of sadness wash over her. She couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if Madara had chosen differently.

Would her ancestor still be alive today?

Would their love have survived?

Obito cleared his throat, breaking the sombre mood in the room. "So, Konoha-chan, did you find out everything you wanted to know?"

Konoha nodded slowly, still lost in thought. "Yes, thank you both for sharing your knowledge with me. It means a lot."

"Anytime dear, it was lovely having you over. And Obito-chan," she turned to her grandson with a stern expression, "make sure you're not late for your team meeting again."

Obito groaned playfully as Konoha stood up from the table.

"I'll wait for you outside then, Obito," she said with a small smile.

Quickly Obito finished his tea, got dressed and joined Konoha outside.

As they walked towards their meeting spot, Konoha couldn't help but think about the tragic love story of her ancestor.

It was both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

She wondered if such a forbidden love could exist in today's world, where people were more accepting of different cultures and backgrounds.

It made her think about her own feelings for Obito.

She had always found him cute and charming, but now she realized that there was something deeper there.

Maybe it was the way he talked about his grandmother and his clan with such passion, or the way he had helped her uncover the secrets of her family history.

Whatever it was, Konoha knew that she wanted to explore these feelings further.

However, at the same time, she couldn't shake off the feeling that their love would also be forbidden.

After all, they were from different clans and had different backgrounds.

Would their relationship be accepted by their families and friends?

Would they be able to overcome any obstacles that came their way?

When they approached their team, Obito turned to her with a serious expression. "Konoha-chan, I hope you won't tell anyone about what my grandma told us. It's a sensitive topic in our clan."

Konoha nodded understandingly. "Of course, Obito-kun. Your secret is safe with me."

Then Konoha was reminded again why thinking about being with Obito was useless since not even a second his eyes landed on Rin, he left her side to talk to his crush.

Something like a dying whale sound left her lips.

“I don’t get what you see in this idiot.”

Shocked Konoha turned to a deadpanning Kakashi beside her. She didn’t even hear how he had approached her.

“I-I don’t know what you mean...”

The Hatake just deadpanned harder.

“Of course.”

Konoha felt her cheeks heat up as she tried to compose herself.

She couldn't believe she had just made such a sound in front of Kakashi. But the truth was, she couldn't help it.

Watching Obito fawn over Rin was like a punch to the gut every time.

She sighed and looked away, trying to hide her embarrassment from Kakashi. However, he seemed unfazed by her outburst, almost amused even.

"You know," he said after a moment of silence, "sometimes what we see in others is not always rational or logical."

The Haruno looked back at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe Obito sees something in Rin that we don't. And maybe you see something in Obito that he doesn't see in himself."

She felt her heart skip a beat at his words.

Was Kakashi suggesting...no, it couldn't be possible. She shook her head and tried to push the thought out of her mind.

Yet as they continued to watch Obito and Rin together, Konoha couldn't help but wonder if there was more to their relationship than meets the eye. And maybe, just maybe, there was still hope for her own feelings towards Obito after all.

“Good morning, kids.”, called them Minato-Sensei.

Surprised Konoha blinked at the beautiful red-haired woman on his side.

She seemed familiar...

Suddenly she got one of her visions!

Minato-Sensei and the woman, Kushina were her name, throwing themselves at the claws of the Kyuubi to protect a little blond baby on an altar. In their last moments, Kushina talks to the baby, Naruto, their son, giving him advice to become a good man...

With a little hiss, Konoha messaged her hurting temple.

God this was a heartbreaking vision!

What would happen if she didn’t manage to change the future?

In no way in hell would she let Minato-Sensei and Kushina get killed, leaving little precious Naruto alone in the world?

As the team gathered curious around Minato-Sensei and his guest, Konoha tried to keep her composure and focus at hand.

Sadly her mind kept drifting back to the vision she had just experienced. She couldn't let it become a reality!

“Kids, I want you to meet someone, this is Uzumaki Kushina.”, presented Minato-Sensei the grinning red-haired woman. “She is one of Konoha's best Fuin Jutsu and Kenjutsu Masters, also she is my girlfriend.”

“Nice meeting Minato-Kun cute little Genin.”, cooed Kushina at them. “He told me a lot about you, let’s see..”

The red-haired started to point at them.

“Cute brunette with lilac stripes and already a prodigy in medical Jutsu you must be Rin.”

This made Rin giggle cutely.

“Charming black-haired boy with goggles who is really good with his fire jutsu, you are Obito from the Uchiha Clan.”

The boy rubbed his nose shyly.

“Adorable green-haired girl with cool glasses, a prodigy in assassination techniques and has this cool weapon named Hidden Blade, you must be Konoha.”

Konoha couldn’t help but blush at the praise.

“And the last of you....”, dramatically Kushina stopped before she grinned even brighter. “Kashi-Kun we already know each other.”

Kakashi ignored that Obito seemed to die of laughter, hearing Kushina's nickname for him and just deadpanned at her.

“Hello Kushina-San.”

Minato-Sensei had also an amused smile on his face. “Kushina here wanted to see for herself how good you guys already are. So today you will spar against her.”

Why did Konoha have a bad feeling about this? Kushina smiled at them promising a world of hurt and pain.

“So we four against Kushina-San?”, asked Rin to clarify.

“That’s right, Rin-Chan.”

Kushina got her Katana out, heaving now an evil look on her face.

“You four need to work to together to get me, Dattebane!”

Then she started her attack!

The four Genin were no match for Kushina's skills.

She moved with such speed and grace that they could barely keep up. Also, she threw at them Fuin Jutsu traps like no tomorrow!

Kakashi tried his best to coordinate their attacks since he had already fought Kushina in several meetings, sadly it seemed like they were just getting in each other's way.

Kushina was enjoying herself immensely, laughing as she dodged their attacks effortlessly.

It was clear that she wasn't taking the fight seriously at all.

This was so frustrating.

Suddenly, Konoha had an idea. She signalled to the others to back off and let her take the lead.

They looked at her sceptically, yet she gave them a determined nod.

The Haruno actives her Eagle Vision.

The world turned into the familiar black space, highlighting the persons in a blue Aura.

Since Kushina was their opponent she was tinted in red.

And in gold were the weak points of the Fuin Jutsus Traps!

Perfect.

A little smirk formed on Konoha's face.

She totally ignored Kushina's sword slash and concreted to hit with her Hidden Blade the weak points.

The Fuin Jutsu Trap destroyed themselves with satisfied pops.

“What, Dattebane?!”, shouted Kushina shocked.

Not only she was shocked.

Anyone was.

How did Konoha do this?!

Grappling the change that Kushina was distracted, Konoha made fast handsings.

She thanked her brother Kizashi mentally that he had shown her this Jutsu.

“Earth Style! Headhunter Jutsu!”

Thanks to the Jutsu Kushina was buried to the head into the ground.

The other Genin rushed forward to help Konoha finish the job, however, Kushina just laughed and broke free from the trap with ease.

"Not bad," she said approvingly. "You kids have some potential."

Minato-Sensei clapped his hands together in admiration. "Well done! I'm impressed by your teamwork."

The four Genin beamed at them.

“I’m impressed by you Konoha-Chan. How do you find the weak spots of the Fuin Jutsu Trap and disable them like that...Are you interested in Fuin Jutsu?”, wonder Kushina.

Before Konoha could say something Obito shouted: “What the heck?! Konoha since when do you have golden eyes?!”

Oh shit, she had forgotten to deactivate Eagle Vision.

Now all looked at her interested.

“Konoha.”, said Minato-Sensei calmy. “Do you need to tell me something important...like how a new Kekkai Genkai, especially a Dojutsu, awakened in you?”

Oh shit, what should she do now?!

!!!!PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!

[advnttt]

This might be a bit long-winded, and I'm pretty sure no one's even gonna be here to read it, but I just wanted to reminisce for a bit. After all my name-changes I'm not sure who will even remember me, but this blog was named "siiq" and "addict3d" for the longest periods of time. Bear with me as I just word-vomit all over the place.

TL;DR It's been fun, but this might finally be the last time I hop on here.

Hell, the last time I logged in was like a year and a half ago. Nonetheless, it's been kinda fun coming back here and just seeing what's what who's still around, who's deactivated, and what the site even looks like.

I still remember when shortly before the end of my Senior year of high school in 2011 God I'm fucking old when one of my friends in my GFX class decided to make a Tumblr account for me against my will because SHE felt like I needed one. I didn't even do anything with it over that whole Summer either. It wasn't until September I decided to get on here and see what it was all about. Very quickly it became sort of a home away from home. Myself and my immediate family members had had our entire world rocked and flipped upside down shortly before I got on here, and Tumblr became an escape for me. A way to disconnect from my world and circumstances at the time. An outlet for me to express myself and my creativity as well. Never did I think upon logging in here for the first time that I would eventually have over 25,000 people following me, and that a fair few of them would become great friends for that season of my life. People that could relate to me. People that would listen. People that were also, in different ways, broken like I was. People that needed a friend, like I did. Side note, it amazes me that people still talk shit about friendships online. One of my best friends of 15+ years is a guy I first met gaming in like '08 and we didn't even meet each other in person for the first time until about 5 years later.

But anyways, I don't think y'all will ever really know how much everything meant to me. The messaging back and forth, getting to know each other, the late night phone calls when one of us just needed to talk, all the times we'd get the gang together in Tinychat and just hang out, the roasting and trash-talking, reblogging each other's selfies just 'cause we just wanted our friends faces on our blogs, all of it.

All the little things. Such simple things. They meant so much.

So now here I am. Sitting at my desk, almost 12 years to the day after my first post. Scrolling through my archive and my messages for the last little while, just reliving some moments, scrolling through who I'm following and remembering simpler times. A lot of us have moved on and away from this site. A lot of us have grown up and subsequently grown apart as life has carried us in different directions and down different paths. And I know at this point most of y'all will never see this, but just know, wherever you are in life, whatever you're keeping yourselves busy with, I'm thinking about you and truly wishing all of you the best of luck in whatever you set your hand to. You, unknowingly, helped me through arguably the toughest years of my life and I'll never be able to repay you for that. You deserve the world and more, and I wish I could give it to you.

Again, sorry for the wall of text but I just wanted to get this all out in one sitting. I feel like it's been a long time coming.

With that all being said, I'm not going to deactivate this blog (at least not until Tumblr decides to do it for me), but it's at this time that I will bid you all a very fond farewell.

Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And keep on keepin' on.

Adieu, my friends. And thank you.

Josh

[for-dramas-sake]

The Starry Love ep 35, 36 thoughts

Did anyone suspect that Husui/Suzhi was going to kill 2 guards?And then the 2 couples just let it go? Even though she's been through some stuff in her past which made her this way, I don't trust her anymore. She's willing to do anything to protect the girls and while I'm for that she can present a risk.

The enemies are surrounding our couples. There are very few places they can escape to. It seems like they'll always be on the run, unless…

Ganging up on the weakest emperor? Cheap move, guys! Not cool.

Then the girls decide to go for the offensive! Ooh. Risky plan, but it's a change from all of the running they've been doing.

I sense a heavenly divorce is on the way after the empress marched into the Ninth Heaven Hall. And then everyone is telling the emperor,"stop, don't do this." Then to make things even more embarrassing, the Void Tyrant mocks him. "Can't keep your women in line?"

I think the Immortal emperor does care for his empress. He's just an asshole, too.

Reunion scene in the mortal realm was cute! Haichou got rejected! And then the boys can call the emperor "father-in-law"!

Woah. Mood change (but unsurprising nonetheless). The boys are captured, and the emperors decided to play it smart and take on the girls alone.

Not Qingkui! She was the best of them! She deserved better! Noooo!!

It IS a fantasy drama. Maybe she could come back? Please?

What an ending! The two guys are passed out from overworking themselves to save their beloveds. At least Yetan was saved by Youqin before he fell to the black sand.

When Yetan wakes up and is calling for her sister, my heart breaks. She just lost her friend and now her sister. The pain is too much. Both times she can't accept it because both girls were right there with her the whole time. Loss of a life is new and terrible. I hope, if just for Yetan's sake, no one else dies.

The Immortal emperor again on his high horse talking down to his son. We don't like him and after the "I wish you hadn't been revived just to fall in love with a mortal woman" line, we REALLY don't like him. And after he sealed Youqin's memory we are starting to hate him, aren't we?

The Immortal Turtle is back. For the record, I'm not excited about this. I like Youqin much better when he had emotions and was in lurv. This earlier version of Youqin is just fun to make fun of.

Void Queen comes to gloat, push Chaofeng around and destroy the necklace he gave Qingkui! He cries and so would I. You've got to hand it to the villains of this drama. They don't just give our favorite characters pain, but they love to relive that pain and make them suffer.

Hmmm. Yes, I see that you're trying to get power from a root using your blood. Would you to try a dose of sanity instead?! Yetan, don't just give into pure rage! And Suzhi, why did you put this ridiculous idea into a grieving girl's heart?

Yetan has joined the Void gang! While we all should take a moment to reflect that this is probably a bad idea, let's also admire Yetan's makeup and outfit. She looks good for the bad girl. She is rocking that black and purple.

Yetan has become the Void Devil she always wanted to be. Her power is immense and the way she walks into the Void Palace like a boss bitch and owns everyone is awesome. However, this comes with loss, friends and family dead and physical pain endured. No one could have predicted this outcome.

Yetan doesn't waste time. The throne isn't even cold yet and already she's claiming territory.

After the revenge taken and the throne of the Void Realm taken, what could be next for the Immortal Turtle and his devil girlfriend? Their reunion, at least for her, is going to be painful.

If you could stomach my outlandish in the moment thoughts, want to read some more? Previous episodes:

33, 34 / 31, 32 / 29,30 / 27,28 / 25,26 / 23, 24 / 21, 22 / 19, 20 / 17,18 / 15,16 / 13,14 / 11, 12 / 9, 10 / 7, 8 / 5, 6 / 3, 4 / 1, 2