#we were joking about AP classes and band

[pit-crew-chronicles]

Band rehearsal was cancelled for tonight so I was able to go to the first Mojo preseason meeting and omg. I forgot how crazy everyone is. We are UNHINGED. And yet that is the most fun I’ve had in a while. I mean sure, half of it was fixing something that I’m still not sure quite how it broke, but it was so nice to be back with the team again.

[namakaeggs]

feelings/ pt 1

eren x reader, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, drunk confession

you knew eren before you knew him. his mom and your mom were the best of friends in highschool, and a friendship was fated from the start. from family barbecues to birthdays, you two were always together. “inseparable” is what carla describes us. eren always scoffed when mom would say we would get married one day. my eyes would brighten at the mention.

eren was always the outsider growing up, the rebel. he grew his hair to his shoulders, didn’t get along with the popular crowd, got an illegal tattoo at 16, and religiously wore band tees. as we got older, i noticed him more and more. we were around each other so often, so close. when his voice got deeper and his arms became toned, i couldn’t help fighting my feelings. to him, we were friends. to me, he was more. i knew he never saw me the way because he slept around. he smoked and wasn’t afraid to break a few laws. hes the personification of the boys your mom will tell you to watch out for, because their mystery is so alluring that you won’t be able to resist, and that in the end, they will break your heart. mom would never see eren in another light though. nothing other than her best friends adorable, sweet child.

as i’m about to fall asleep, my phone buzzes on my bedside table and reach for it quickly.

R u awake

it’s 2 in the morning and i know what he’s been doing.

what’s up eren?

i wait anxiously.

Im sorru it’s so latew but can u pick me up from Jean’s please?

i immediately get up and throw on a zip up hoodie. i grab my keys and hurry out of my window. god, the things i do for this boy.

the first time i felt something for him was 6th grade. for a while, he had been trying to slum it with the popular boys, reiner, jean, flock, and zeke, in our class. it didn’t work. he was a puzzle piece that didn’t fit, but he tried and i watched. i watched him try biking every day after-school with them when i knew he preferred to go skating with me. i watched him try to salvage his failing math grade from constantly attempting to meet the demands of these boys, their constant hangouts that eren didn’t really look forward too, telling me how unfunny he thought their jokes were. i watched eren and the popular boys talk to the popular girls. seeing eren laughing with historian reiss made me fume. who was she to even speak to him? she doesn’t know him like that? she doesn’t know him like i do!

it was all jealousy. historia was beautiful, popular, and i knew eren thought so too, because i would see them drinking slurpees at the quick zip every friday after school. i fumed even more. there were rumors that they had even kissed. stupid me thought and dreamed that maybe he secretly wanted me, and maybe he secretly wanted me to be his first kiss. hearing the rumor crushed me. i was heartbroken, but i could never be mad at eren over some dream that would never come true.

but suddenly eren withdrew. historia and him never hung out on fridays and the popular boys treated eren like he were a plague. jean still spoke to him though, even with their bitter rivalry that he would never tell me stemmed from what. me and him were already attached at the hip by that point, but he stuck by me like glue from then on. i didn’t question it. i didn’t care too because that he wanted to spend time with me, me.

we spent the rest of our middle school and high-school years together. always turning around to make sure the other one was behind. always picking the same classes to take so that we’d be together. always going back to my place after school, sitting on my bed to talk about everything the world has to offer over and over again. i would always help him with math, and he would always defend me against the popular guys that pursued me, warning me that he knew their motives. that they didn’t want me for the right reasons. i understood and i kept away. but they didn’t.

junior year, after our AP physics class, the ringleader of the group, zeke, cornered me in the stairwell and confessed how long he had been wanting me. how much he needed me, and that i should come over sometime with his friends. and from that, i already had an idea that this was what eren was talking about. i tried to get out, but he wouldn’t let me. eren pushed him to the wall and fought him. jean and armin had to pull eren off of him. eren got suspended because he broke zekes nose, and he had to get surgery to fix the damage.

during erens suspension, we spoke.

“i don’t like how the guys are,” he starts, fixing the pink pillow under his head,” they get me so fucking mad.” he’s been staying at my house ever since he got suspended. his parents are mad.

i look up from the book i was reading. “it was only zeke who really pushed it? why are you so pissed about the whole group?”

erens eyebrows furrow. “y/n, they’re guys. i’m a guy, and you’re not. i know how guys like them are!” he suddenly looks uncomfortable. “it’s disgusting.” he mutters, “and i don’t like that zeke wanted you to come over.”

“but still?” i argue, “just because you have something against zeke doesn’t mean you should hate the whole group with a passion. i know they’re obnoxious, but don’t let them get to you.”

“of course i have something against zeke and his friends! he forced you into the corner and told you how bad he wanted to fuck you!”

i cringe at the honesty. “i meant that you’ve hated him since middle school. like.. obsessively hate.”

eren lets out a laugh at the idiocracy. “first of all, i am not obsessed with zeke fritz.” he takes a deep breath like he’s preparing for the finale of a grand speech. “and second of all, he’s always pissed me off.”

“even when you hung out with him and his friends?” i tease.

eren grows silent. “i don’t want to talk about it.” and i dropped the conversation.

i pull into the round-about where jean lives. i’ve had to pick eren up a few times from here, but lately, the only reason he’s been here is to get drunk at jeans college parties. jeans parents are loaded, lawyers who travel for work, which leaves him at home with way too much freedom.

the music is vibrating the ground from here. i wonder when the police are gonna show up to shut down this party for the noise disturbance. i need to find eren, soon. i open the front door and see people leaning on the walls with drinks, talking, joking, some making out. i look away and try to find eren. i don’t see him anywhere.

after scanning the entire first floor, eren jeager is no where to be found. i head towards the stairs and start walking up, hoping to find him upstairs.

where are you? i text.

as i’m walking down the hallway, i hear a familiar voice.

“In here!”

i walk toward the sound of his voice, the last door of the hallway that has the name “jean” written in bright blue letters. i open the door and see the unexpected.

well, not fully unexpected. i see eren, his almost- shoulder length hair pulled back into a bun and his body adorning grey sweatpants and a navy hoodie, who i was expecting to see, laying down on jeans bed, smiling at the ceiling like a weirdo. yep, he’s one drink away from blacking out. but what i didn’t expect to see was historia reiss, sitting at the end of the bed, picking at her split ends and chewing her gum with her mouth open. my stomach turns at the scene, but i force down my feelings.

“hey!” i say. historia turns to me with a look of disappointment on her face and eren lifts his head and laughs drunkly when he sees me.

“uh,” i suddenly become uncomfortable under historias arrogant stare, “sorry i didn’t knock, i’m here to get eren.”

she looks at eren and then looks at me, saying, “okay..” condescendingly and walks into jeans bathroom. she wasn’t wearing any shoes. erens not wearing any either.

“heyyyy,” eren slurs as i walk over to him. “i didn’t know you partied!” he jokes before bursting out laughing

“you texted me. how much did you have to drink?”

he looks dumbfounded at the simple question “what?”

“i said, how much did you have to drink?” i repeat. i can barely hear my own voice over the booming music.

“uhhhhh-,” he replies after a few seconds, “i don’t know.”

“okay, cmon. get up eren. we’re going.”

“yes ma’am.” he says, giving a military salute. surprisingly, he can stand just fine despite how drunk he seems. i make sure he has everything

and we leave jeans house. we walk over to my parked car and i put eren in the backseat incase he pukes all over my dashboard again. i don’t want a repeat of the last time i picked him up.

“there’s a plastic bag in the right pocket if you need to puke, eren, just letting you know.” i mention as i pull out of the round-a- bout.

“okay, mom, thanks” he scoffs.

i pull unto the main road, stopping at the red light.

“so,” i start,” historia, huh?” my voice filling the silence.

“huh, what’re you talking about?” he says in a genuine, drunk confusion. “did something happen”

“i just didn’t know you guys were really friends.” i reply. and i murmur, “obviously more than that though.”

you’re eyes are fixed on the road, but erens eyes are dead fixed on you after that snide comment that he definitely heard.

“yeah,” he rolls his eyes, sarcasm and the presence of alcohol in his tone, “we had so much fun, y/n. you don’t even know.”

i look at him through the dash cam window and he’s staring at me with a smirk and an indepipherable look in his eyes, testing me. i grip the stealing wheel and drive faster. i know he’s joking, but i can’t tell if he’s hinting at the truth or just telling a lie to get a reaction out of me.i just want this conversation i started to be over with.

“uh, so, how’s jean?” i change the conversation.

“what, you like him or something?”

“what! no!” i deny. “i never said that, eren?”

eren leans back into the seat, head resting on the head rest as he looks up. “whatever.”

unlike eren, there’s no alcohol in my system, but i’m feeling bold today. “what do you mean whatever, eren? you think i like jean?”

“uhhh, haven’t you always?” he states like it’s the obvious. “i saw the way he looked at you in art class.”

“just because he looked at me once or twice doesn’t mean i want him to fuck me or something.”

erens eyes narrow and his brows furrow, lifting his head in interest. “what the fuck did you just say?”

“what the fuck are you saying?” i fight back. “i ask you how jean is and you act like i’m begging on my knees for him. god damn.”

now he’s fully attentive, elbows on his knees and leaning in as if he’ll learn more by his upright posture. “i don’t like the idea of you liking jean,” he states, the slurring of his words still audible , “aaand i don’t like the idea of jean liking you.”

my heart races. “why?”

“maybe it’s the same reason you don’t like seeing me with historia.” and suddenly, he sounds sober.

my heart stops. he heard the comment i made under my breath.

“eren, i don’t care who you see.” the lie is evident in my tone, but eren is so drunk that i don’t bother to hide it. “you can hook up with historia for all i care. have fun with mouth herpes.”

“see, this is what i don’t like,” he slurs out, “did it really not bother you when you saw me and historia in the same bed?”

“why would it bother me? we’re just friends.”

“is that what you want to believe?”

“is that what i shouldn’t believe, eren?”

eren sighs and leans back again. “you remember when i hung out with zeke, flock, reiner, and jean like way back?”

“yeah.”

“that entire time. all they talked about is who would get you first. who would be the first to- fuck. fuck!” he slurs “i never wanted to tell you that!”

my mouth is to the floor. “seriously? that is so- why woudlnt you tell me?”

he looks out the window, “because i was scared that if i told you they liked you, you’d like the attention and shit, and then you wouldn’t be mine.”

my heart is beating out of my chest. “my god, you’re so drunk. eren, you’re speaking nonesense.”

“i’ve been in love with you since the 6th grade.”

“eren, stop.” tears brim my eyes. in the morning, when he’s sober and remembers this, he’ll regret his drunken lies and i’ll have to pretend like this drunk, fake confession didn’t mean the world to me.

“i left the digusting group for that. i hated that me and those annoying dogs had something in common, wanting you.”

“you never wanted me, eren!” i snap, “ you would fake a gag every time our moms shipped us together! and what about historia, huh? don’t act like you two haven’t been sleeping together since highschool. oh, and what about mikasa? you and her-”

“i don’t care about them! all i want is you y/n! i thought you already knew how bad i had it for you” he cuts me off.

“fucking lies.”

he grows quiet for a while.

“i pretended they were you everytime,” he admits,” they didn’t turn me on. i had to pretend they were you, ” he leans in, “and honestly? i still do.”

his words send butteflies rushing to your stomach, but you know better. “eren. you’re drunk”

he pulls his hair out of his messy bun and puts his hood on. “drunken. words. are sober. thoughts!” he enunciates before laughing.

we pull into his house driveway.

“i’m sorry for teasing you about me and historia tonight.” he apologies, and i smell beer from his breath. “im really sorry.”

“i thought drunk words were sober thoughts?” you retaliate with hurt in your tone. you didn’t want to argue, but you didn’t want to not stand your ground.

“i just- wanted to make you jealous. im sorry, y/n” he hugs me, arms wrapping around me tightly as he fits his head into the crook of my neck and sniffs. “god, you smell so good..”

“eren.” you warn.

“your perfume. it drives me insane.” he whines and starts peppering kisses down your neck.

you blush and your heart stops before you push him off of you. he stumbles back, having to regain his balance due to the alchohal in his system. he’s drunk, he’s drunk and he’s so fucking drunk.

the look in his eyes are nothing short of hurt. “y/n..”

“we’ll talk in the morning” you breath out. “go sleep this off.”

“i’ve already tried,” he replies as he walks up the stairs to his room, “why do you think i get so drunk all the damn time. seeing historias face sober every weekend makes me remember that she isn’t you.” he gets to the top step and disappears behind the wall.

[sorryiapologized]

Yes, the boys are drunk the sun is high. Their license plates "live free or die," but it just ain't that simple.

This line always transports me back to the lake. My summertime haven. I was thirteen when my dad purchased a 1996 trailer in the lakefront trailer park. It was more than just a beach escape, that small park was a community that eventually formed a family. We were a rowdy band of kids running around the grass barefoot, swimming, fishing, and competing in made-up games. When we were kids it was that simple. We'd all wear our red, white, and blue on the 4th of July and sing "god bless America" and "take me home country roads" under a painted sky of fireworks.

Though we were different ages, we all seemed to grow up in synch. The only kid the same age as me who went to my school when summer ended never talked to me much at the lake. I didn't care. As we got older the differences between us seemed to become more visible. He was popular and always inviting kids from our school up to the lake in the summer. I had very few friends and was always hesitant to invite them up to my summer haven. The lake felt like a secret place where I could be myself. Nobody cared that I was still running around and playing kid games with my younger sister. I was free.

The boy my age was the party kind of kid. He didn't even need to sneak beer. When we were fifteen he looked like a man. I remember my dad handed him a bud-light once. When I told him later we were the same age my dad just laughed in admiration for him.

Our differences came to a full head-on collision when we were in our junior year of high school. It was the year everyone seemed to learn about politics and where they stood on these issues. I hadn't been that political up until then, but now it was 2016, the precipice of the Trump election. We'd have weekly debates in my APUSH class about issues like immigration, women's rights, and the separation of church and state. I'd get heated arguing with all the guys in my class about these topics. Even though my lake neighbor wasn't in a single AP class (go figure) he caught wind of my liberal leaning politics.

The thing was, my ideologies didn't match my dad's. I knew that. What I didn't know until the next summer was that they didn't match anyone in our trailer park. The boys I'd grown up fishing with were now running around with Trump flags. The fourth of July didn't feel like a celebration, especially not with everyone's dad in a MAGA hat. I kept quiet as my dad and his buddies got drunk and joked around.

Every 4th we had a community corn-hole tournament. I was playing with one of the younger kids I often ended up babysitting while the adults got day-drunk. She would always follow me around. Even back then there was some unspoken connection between us. We were the same. Our competition was my classmate's dad. He stood next to me and nursed a beer while we waited for our teammates (a nine year old girl and his drunk wife) to huck their beanbags at us.

"Are you a liberal or a conservative?" the dad asked me. I don't think he knew my name, but maybe he'd heard about me from his son. I didn't want to get into a fight with yet another idiot or give the community reason to find pitchforks and tiki torches, so I just shrugged. I played dumb. I acted like I didn't even know the difference.

"I can see benefits to both," I lied.

"Well, do you like Lincoln or JFK?" he asked. I didn't know where to start. To inform this adult man that Lincoln was not a conservative, but more of a modern day neo-liberal who was actually still a major racist? Should I talk about the imperialism the Kennedys were responsible for? I just stayed quiet.

That was just a moment, just a snapshot in my childhood. There were hundreds more, tiny instances where people would say things like this to me. He didn't care what I said. What this dad really meant by his question to me was, "are you like us or not?" The answer was always "not." Whether it was my perceived sexuality and gender expression, my tomboyishness that lasted way longer than it should have, or my political beliefs, I didn't belong.

The lake still remained my safe haven, although I found I loved it much more when it wasn't full of people. It was the nature I enjoyed, the solitude, and the community of kids who accepted me despite the differences I showed.

We're in our 20s now. I don't live in my small town, I try to make it back once a year to see the lake, but never on a big weekend like the 4th. My classmate still lives there. He still brings his high school friends up to get drunk on the weekends. Maybe for him it is just that simple, but for me it never was.

I think about the kids I left behind there. The youngest are just now starting high school. They know more about who they are than I did at that age. They know life isn't as simple as a can of beer and a political party. I worry about them often. I hope they become good people. I hope they can get out too.

[mostlyvoid-partiallyturtles]

Ty for the tag!

1. Were you named after anyone?

My deadname, no. My chosen name, also no. BUT! My Hebrew name is Ephraim, which was the name of one of my late great-uncles and my late uncle, and the Yiddish version (that I prefer) is Fischel, which was my grandpa’s Hebrew name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last night when I learned the Knuckles TV show will have an episode called The Shabbat Dinner

3. Do you have kids?

Weird friend group found family joking “adoption” wise? Yes. ACTUALLY? No.

4. What sports do you play/have played?

Played soccer as a really little kid, I’m in marching band rn (which doesn’t really count but it’s consistent physical activity that can be for competition, so)

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yea, but I make it obvious that it’s sarcasm and use tone tags if it’s over text

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their clothes, it tells me a bit about them. Plus, graphic t-shirts can be conversation starters

7. What’s your eye color?

Dark brown :3

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Out of the two, happy endings

9. Any talents?

Uhhh I’m really good at flute? I can remember a shit ton of random facts and I remember lyrics really well!

10. Where were you born?

Hospital in Chicago :3

11. What are your hobbies?

Reading, sometimes writing, talking to friends irl and online, collecting and/or making tchotchkes

12. Do you have any pets?

I had two cats named Charlie and Muffin until I was two, when my lil bro was born and we were still living in a condominium, so there wasn’t room for them and we had to give them to a different family

13. How tall are you?

Five foot with shoes on 😔

14. Favorite subject in school?

SCIENCE!!! This year I’m taking chemistry but I get physics next year, and I’m gonna try and take a comp sci class and maybe AP Chem for college credit

15. Dream job?

Idk yet, tbh… probably astrophysicist or astroengineer, or maybe particle physicist or quantum physicist, but I know that I want to work in a lab and I want to work with NASA somehow, at some point.

Tagging (no pressure, sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged): @browless-donnie @g0gglez-eyeballz @satan-wishes-he-was-me @aether-weather

Tagged by @skinnyscottishbloke - thank you!! I love these things

1. Were you named after anyone?

Not my first name, but I share my middle name with an aunt on each side of the family

2. When was the last time you cried?

I teared up last night having a conversation with my boyfriend (it wasn't anything bad, no worries! I'm one of those fuckers who tears up whenever I feel even the edge of an emotion if I'm with someone I trust)

3. Do you have kids?

2 step children, a boy and a girl

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I have never been sporty.... but I danced for 14 years, all the way through until I graduated high school. I miss it a lot.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Naaaahhhhhhhh (she said sarcastically) ((prev, lol))

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Height, eyes, smile

7. What’s your eye color?

Green

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, however I don't mind if we take some dark twists and turns before we get there.

9. Any talents?

Singing, song recognition/lyric retention, dancing, my extremely large and sometimes pretentious vocabulary.

10. Where were you born?

In a small local hospital.

11. What are your hobbies?

Reading, singing (mostly just to myself/by myself these days), cross stitch, cooking, very novice levels of gardening and herbal concoctions.

12. Do you have any pets?

Yes, 2 baby kitty cats.. and our daughter has a hamster.

13. How tall are you?

5'6" - neither short nor tall.

14. Favorite subject in school?

English, 100%. By senior year of high school I was in 3 lit related classes in one semester (ap English, humanities, and intermediate creative writing).. and I majored in creative writing with a minor in English lit in college. I also took Classics and mythology classes for fun.

15. Dream job?

I have always struggled with this question. I have never had a 'dream job', per se. I always feared living my life in a cubical, a slave to capitalism. I lived most of my adult life like that, unfortunately, until recently. Now, accidentally unemployed, I'm trying to figure out what to do next that won't make me miserable.

No pressure tags @phoen1xr0se, @crowleys-hips, @hellogoodomens, @fellthemarvelous, @something-something-goodomens, @takeme-totheworld, @andiv3r

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ "the next time i see you, it'll be in hell" / "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me"

♡ pairing: connor kent (superboy/RotS) x fem! reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / i was listening to 'esa hembra es mala' by gloria trevi so if you do speak spanish, that's a song rec while you read this fic. if you don't, listen to 'hermit the frog' by marina instead!

"connor please, you're giving ME a headache and it's only seven in the morning," his friend, jake, spoke as his hands covered his face, "wait, shut up, who is that?" connor asked, seeing you with a few friends.

jake sighed, "that's ( your name )," he spoke softly, "she's friends with everyone here. some like her, some can't stand her. it all depends on how she feels with you." you were schools resident 'popular' girl and had a bit of a following among your class.

"i'm gonna go talk to her," connor said. his friends eyes widened, "connor no!" jake screamed, grabbing his friend and pulling him back, "she's a complete bitch, don't do it!" jake exclaimed as he could tell that everything he was saying was going over connor's head.

you fixed the newspaper that had superboy's face plastered on the cover, "i just think that superboy could beat robin if i'm being honest. PLUS he's attractive because you can actually see his face," the day old conversation between you and your friends about who was the better sidekick struck up again and anyone who knew you knew how much you adored superboy.

"hey ladies," you turned to look at the boy, confused on who he was as you had never seen him around school. you gave him a small smile, "uh, hi?" you asked, "do i know you?"

the boy who approached you was wearing sunglasses which threw you off considering your school didn't allow anyone to wear them inside the building. you looked to his other friend, recognizing him as someone you had in your Calc class.

"just wanted to introduce myself, i'm connor," he said, giving you a sly smirk. you shook his hand, half awkwardly, "please i'm ( your name )," you replied as you saw the way connor gave jake a wink, "is there something you wanted or?" you asked again, not knowing why he was still here.

"no, just wanted to say hi to my future girlfriend," you let out a laugh, catching everyone off guard, "please, as if," you replied as you grabbed your friends and walked away, kind of taken back by the new boy.

"he was kinda cute," one of your friends said as you rolled your eyes, "uh, not really? kinda weird if you ask me," you replied, looking down at the newspaper, "well, i'm going to class, see ya," you said, walked towards your AP Lit class.

you sat down in the front, immediately talking to the friends you had in the class. it wasn't even five minutes later when connor entered the class, immediately smirking when he saw you. you growled, instantly annoyed at his expression.

"ah, so you've met the resident new boy?" you nodded as your friend giggled, "he's really nice. made more than a friends already," she said as you shrugged, "okay and? he had a lot of nerve coming up to me and telling me i'd be his future girlfriend," you replied.

she let out a belting laugh, "yeah, he told meghan from fifth period the same thing," you saw connor walking up to your desk and before he could make himself comfortable next to you, you instantly put your leg on the chair, "don't even think about it," you said, not even looking at him, "the desk in the back is available though," you smirked as you watched your teacher roll her eyes at your attitude.

connor bent down to your level, "don't gotta be so hostile, sweetheart, i know you like me," he whispered before getting up and leaving.

your friend, looked at you, laughing at disbelief at both of your attitudes. you rolled your eyes, trying to pay attention to the discussion as you could feel connor's eyes on you almost the entire time.

+

throughout the weeks and going into months, your relationship with connor didn't change. he arguably became the biggest pain your ass from the beginning of the day until the final bell rang. he managed to befriend a few of your friends which meant that you were around him at times.

you sipped your coffee as you were reading the newest article on superboy, "ah, ah, ah, what do we have here?" connor asked, taking the magazine from your hand, "superboy fan, huh?" he scanned the cover, a smug smirk coming onto his face as you snatched the magazine back.

"yeah, someone who's actually useful in life," you replied as he walked with you to your locker. he had never saw the inside of it and taken back by the amount of photos you had....of him, "aww, don't be that way, sweetheart! maybe one day superboy will actually give you a chance," he joked.

your annoyance instantly shot up as you slammed your locker and walking away, "see ya later sweetie!" he screamed. you stopped in the middle of the hall and flicked him off, "the next time i'll see you, it'll be in hell!" you yelled, storming off to class.

you walked into class, sitting down as your friend, henry, walked up to you, "hey babe," he said, a warm feeling crossing your face at the term of endearment, "hey henry, what're you up to?" you asked, seeing him looking at you, a bit nervously now.

"i was wondering if you were free-," before henry could say anything else, connor walked up behind him and tapping him on the shoulder. he had heard the conversation between the two of you and knew exactly where it was heading, "uh, she's not interested, better luck next time," connor stated, surprising henry with his sudden angry attitude.

henry knowing he didn't want to risk the chance of getting his ass kicked walked away from the conversation as you stared at connor with rage in your eyes, "what do you want?" you seethed as you saw connor's smirk playing on his face, "you weren't actually entertaining him, were you?" he asked in disbelief, "i literally hate you with every ounce of my being," you blurted, finally sick of connor's attitude.

his mouth hung open as you got up from the desk, "do me a favor and PLEASE leave me alone, that's all i ask," you stated as you walked out of class and deciding to ditch for the rest of the day.

"told you she was gonna blow up," jake informed as he sat down in his seat, connor still standing in place, taking in everything you had said. he knew he was being a bit of an ass but he didn't know you were that angry with him.

connor knew he had to make this up. he genuinely did like you and he didn't want to ruin his chances with you because of his shitty attitude. throughout the class period, he picked his brain for ideas until sirens went off in his head.

SUPERBOY.

he knew you were practically in love with his alter ego and he knew he could use superboy as a way to persuade you into giving him another chance. that is if he played his cards right.

+

you reluctantly showed up the next day, trying to avoid connor as best as you could. you were talking with a few friends, gossiping about the fight that superboy and robin had against a few low level villains in metropolis last night.

"hey, look at connor," jake whispered, seeing his friend practically beat up. you were taken back by his appearance as he had a few bruises on his arms and legs, "are you okay?" jake asked connor.

connor shook his head slowly, his body still recovering from the night before, "what were yall talking about?" he asked, trying to redirect the conversation. everyone looked to you, "someone was gushing about superboy, so please, if you'd continue," meghan said playfully.

"oh shut up, like you don't have robin posters all over your room," you retorted as you watched connor struggling to stay upright, "all i'm saying is that superboy remains the best sidekick there is. did you see the way he walked out of that fight scratchless and look at robin, he nearly died," you continued.

meghan instantly retorted as you noticed how eerily silent connor had became. you turned over to him, about to say something sarcastic towards him until he flopped on top of you, passing out completely. you looked down at him, "connor?" you whispered, "hey connor, wake up," you whispered, shaking him a bit.

"take him to the nurse!" jake yelled at you as you grabbed connor by the arm and pulling him against you, "fuck off, he's heavy as hell," you breathed, trying to steady his weight against you before walking slowly towards the nurse.

you made the walk to the nurse but by the time you made it, connor had woken up, "don't take me to the nurse, please," he whispered, "what are you talking about?" you exclaimed, "you clearly aren't okay and you don't look okay either," you added on.

he steered the two of you to the family bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit, "clean me up here, i really don't want to be questioned right now," he said, nothing cocky or playful in his voice. you sat him on the toilet, bending down to clean his face first, "hey, is everything okay....you know at home?" you asked.

he laughed, shaking his head, "these injuries aren't from my guardians if that's what you're wondering. i kinda got into a fight last night," you stared at him confused, "did you lose or something? these injuries look horrible," you replied.

"course i did, just took a nasty beating before i won," he said as he flinched at the rubbing alcohol hitting his arm. you muttered a sorry as you put a band-aid on a few of his cuts, "listen, i wanted to say sorry for acting like a prick," connor muttered a few minutes later.

you were taken back by his apology, "i knew i was being an ass but please don't take this as me joking but you're actually the best thing that's happened to me since i transferred," you remained silent, not knowing to respond as you put the last band-aid on his knee.

"and if i could have a second chance, that would be super dope, ya know?" he tried to say without sounding nervous, "you better not be joking, kent," you threatened, putting your finger on his chest and shoving him a bit.

connor flinched back in pain as you muttered a sorry, "i'm not joking, i'd really like to take you out for coffee sometime," he asked as he grabbed your hand and gave it a kiss. you agreed as you responded with a kiss on his cheek, "also, i had this lying around my room and figured you'd like it more than i would," he dug into his backpack and gave you a magazine.

your eyes widen seeing what it was. it was the magazine that superboy first appeared in and you had analyzed a few signatures of his to know that it was his signature on the front, "did superboy sign this?" you practically tried to contain your excitement as you ran your finger over the sharpie.

connor nodded, "i met him one time after he saved a few people in metropolis last year and got him to sign the magazine. i figured since you like hm a lot more than i do, you'd take care of it better than i would," overwhelmed with excitement, you grabbed connor by the neck and kissed him.

connor was taken back by the sudden kiss but awkwardly responded with another kiss as you held the magazine close to your chest, "i can't thank you enough for this connor," you whispered, your lips still on his a bit. he chuckled, "just meet me at the coffee shop near the school and that'll suffice," he replied, giving you another kiss before slowly getting up.

"now lets get to our second period before we get marked truant again," he grabbed your hand and held it as softly as possible, "you know how much shit our friends are gonna give us, right?" you said, laughing a bit. connor nodded, "nothing we can't handle," he replied as he squeezed your hand in reassurance.

[raysofcrosby]

How are the wltay kids in school? Which subjects are each kids favorites? Do any of them do ap classes and are what kind of electives do you see each kid enjoy?

ahhh caroline's little heart would explode at this question bc we alllll know how much her teaching self loves school 💀

ethan �� ethan's a pretty good student!! he's not all a's, he's mainly b's and a few a's!! the only c grades he's ever gotten were in math bc math is not his strong suit at all and his fav subjects are truly english and gym 💀 electives wise, he'll do an easy a kind of elective just so he doesn't have to worry about another class on top of hockey schedule– so he'll try to get the office aide elective ((where he'll just help the staff at the front office)) so all he has to do is show up 😂

scarlett – ma'am is the scholar of the family!! she's all around a really great student and averages a's in all of her classes, with a rare b here and there!! she'll be the one to do AP classes in high school and her favorite subjects would probably also be english or math ((bc like i said, ma'am is all around just a great student)) and electives wise she'll either choose to do the tv production ((like school morning news yk)) or photography!!

payson – oh payson 💀 she's a good student, but ma'am has had more c's on report cards than matt and caroline would like 😂 HOWEVER, matt's ((at least in this universe yk)) no stranger to the c's bc caroline used to help him w his homework in school, so he always jokes w payson about how she got his athletic skills and smarts ((ma'am is basically his twin so))!! payson does somehow find herself in an ap class ((english bc ofc miss caroline prides her children on english literature lmao)), but a lot of the time scarlett and oliver help her w her homework whenever she doesn't go to caroline!! and electives wise, she would chose something fun like tv production to do w scarlett so she can bother her 💀

oliver – oliver's not a scholar like scarlett, but he's a much better student than payson! he's an a/b student and really enjoys his science and history classes!! he likes school bc he likes to learn, but yk he's a "needs to study v hard to get good grades" kind of learner and so he's a little bit of a study nerd, but yk he just really likes to learn new things 🥰 he would do ap classes like AP music theory, and the AP history classes!! he would be a little hesitant to do AP science, but his teachers and ofc caroline and matthew would help talk him into it and he struggles a little at first but he eventually gets the swing of things!! and electives, he would stay close to band electives just bc he likes music and will use that as a way to yk destress from classes 🥰

theo – man's is basically payson in male form. by no means is he an excellent student, but yk he tries 😂 surprisingly, he's actually v good at math?? so math is one of his favorite subjects, but gym would be the other and that's about it. he'll need to be forced into taking an AP course bc he just wants to focus on hockey– but if he does it would be a math one just bc he likes math!! electives wise, he truly wouldn't sign up for anything that would take his focus away from hockey or yk something he'd have to study for– so if he couldn't get an office aid like ethan did, he'd try to get into the basic art class and then have amelia help him 😭

amelia – amelia's about somewhere between oliver and scarlett when it comes to school!! she get's more a's than b's, but she's not the super studious type of student!! her favorite subjects would be english ((miss ma'am is a reader just like caroline)) and then art or chorus!! the AP classes she would take would be AP english and ofc AP art and for her electives she would choose chorus and ofc art 🥰 miss ma'am is an artsy girl

[thecelestial-art]

ok but like, here me out,,,,, avatar high school au but its just me projecting my personality and trauma

my instagram

Aang

Freshman

He's trying his gosh darn hardest

The group baby

Appa is a therapy dog so he spends the day with gyatso in his classroom :)

Hes a saint bernard 

The best man

Despite katara being the ‘mom friend’ he runs the god damn show

Momo is a shit head sphinx cat 

The gang dropped movie nights for “knitting nights” so they could all learn to knit him sweaters

Hes very fashionable

he hates it

sokkas best friend

Aang makes costumes so when halloween comes around momo is very scary as dorothy 

Track and field babey

Does not curse

He has a hard time keeping up with world events

Straight (i'm not wrong)

he and toph have an ongoing tradition of going in full dress to waffle house before school dances. 

it got to the point where now all the workers know them by name

they also accidentally crashed a white lotus meeting and just kept going

Azula

Band kid

Sophomore

Rich girl with 2 friends

Pre eng

i know most schools dont have this program, but mine did and holy shit. those were some overachievers 

The most annoying mf on the planet

Not a single teacher likes her

The know it all that will fight if you don't agree with the facts

She was the ww2 kid

Capitalist in the worst fucking way

Closeted lesbian, when she figures that shit out she gets a lil better

The one who can drive

Mai

Bisexual

She's really good at math?? Like shes the gay who can do math

But cannot drive, bitch failed her permit more times than she can count

She nearly went to an all girls boarding school at one point

Sophomore

Colorguard!!

She has beat the shit out of people she's walked in on making out in the bathroom

Genuine friends with the faculty??

She takes programming/coding as a filler class but she's pretty good and continues to pursue it.

Her tumblr looks sick as hell

has caused a teacher to cry

Ty lee

Bisexual

Lesbian earings actin mf

Sophomore

Cheerleader

She is the nicest mother fucker and everyone loves her

Despite acting like an airhead she's really science orientated

When she takes biology she passes with flying colors

Very invested in social justice

She would never hurt a fly but she will fuck you up

The one with a healthy relationship with her father

has comforted a teacher she found crying in the parking lot

Iroh

Now runs the jasmine dragon where zuko works after school w/ katara 

Knows every single kid who comes in and tries his hardest to make sure everyone feels appreciated

Former war criminal

In a book club

The white lotus? Yeah this is the white lotus

Idk if it would be the same as the show, or if its just an old person shit talking group

Zuko

Junior

His dad got full custody of him and his sister when he divorced their mom

But at 13 he got kicked out for another bullshit reason and ever since Iroh has had custody of both of the siblings

But bitch boy ozai has visitation rights but only wants to see azula

Theatre kid!!

I mean he was gonna join jrotc to appease his dad but he figured his shit out before he really joined

A republican turned leftist

Hes queer he just doesnt know which label to use

Himbo rights

He and katara are best friends idgaf about ships but they are bros

orchestra kid! (yes this is me self projecting bc we have similar trauma) 

Violist 

Teachers have no idea what to do with him bc on one hand he's very reclusive and on the other his sister has the worst opinions so they don't know

Katara

Sophomore 

Still the mom friend but this time she goes to therapy

Bc she literally raised her brother after her mother died?? And then became a parental figure to her FRIENDS???

Biggest political activist, genuinely does her best at educating herself and others about civil injustices

Also really obsessed with cults and true crime

Choir kid

She takes AP history, english, and second language classes

Is trying her hardest in math and sciences

Huge stuffed animal collection

Student council vice president

she originally ran for president but jets gang voted him in as a joke

The teachers pet

Swim team bitches

Best friends with the school janitors

This is my au so fuck off she and zuko are chaotic friendgroup parents and annoying best friends i love them

and maybe something more???

 who fucking knows theres a betting pool in the white lotus and so far aang is winning 

Sokka

Junior

Bisexual

Gym and History teachers LOVE him

On the swim team and the fishing team

Started crying when he took his drivers test

Goes to gsa w/ toph and loses his fucking mind

He's the reason suki’s car is disgusting

In all advanced/ap classes in math and science

Was the kid who carries a portable speaker around until suki put him in his place

Still has to use his hands to figure out left and right

Yue

Technically she doesn't go to school with them she goes to a nearby private school

She met the gang at a football game and has been invited to every group outing since

Junior!!

Very invested in world politics

When she joins the group at school events she ends up making friends with all the staff

Debate team kid!!!

She's not a rule breaker she just knows their limitations ;)

at one point missed school for like 2 months and everyone thought she died

turns out it was just fucking pneumonia and sokka is one dirty liar

Suki

oh? you mean yue’s best friend bc we dont respect pitting women against each other in this household?

Junior

Bisexual icon!!!

Oh god what sport would she do??

Probably basketball??

Or she would just do martial arts outside of school

And have a ‘female empowerment’ club or somethin

100% believes in self government in society and that the current gov exists purely on the theory that all humans are inherently evil

Bitch for bernie

Her car is DISGUSTING

She asks if she can hit peoples juul and then throws it in the trash

The gym coaches really like her but she fucking hates them

Is very close with her school counselor??

She never wants to run but she keeps getting elected to homecoming court

Toph

Freshman 

Former homeschool bitch

Joined the wrestling team and the fishing team??

She doesn't even like fishing she just thinks it's hilarious 

Very good a pottery and that's her arts credit

She and iroh have lunch together every thursday

If she catches wind of you putting gum on desks they will find your body in a ditch

She makes sokka and suki take her to prom 

She hates it she just likes to fuck with people at prom

Sometimes she just tells people she doesn't believe in something bc she cant see it

has been wearing the same sandles for the past 3 years bc “they’re reliable”

Cryptid hunter

Goes to gsa bc its better than any fucking reality tv show

Has nearly burnt the house down making ramen

[bluefirewrites]

ooh can i see a drabble for the youth group leader au? 👀

I had to look back on my Catholic roots for this one- 

“Hey Church Girl,” 

The shaggy haired guy swaggered up to her, slinging his arm around Alex, who was still winded from having to help her curb tonight’s bible study session away from talking about Christian TikTok. 

Julie loved the kids in her program, having been one herself not too long ago and with her mom leading the group no less. But there were times when it proved to be a bit much for her to handle alone. 

Thankfully, she had Alex as her fellow ‘teen catechist’ to help out. She could have gotten stuck with some stuck up adult who would have called all the shots, but she lucked out getting paired up with someone like Alex, who was a gentle soul with good humor but was not afraid to be firm with a few of the rowdier kids. 

It wasn’t until she met his friend, Luke, that she discovered where he learned exactly how to do that.

The guy sure was something.

Luke would always be waiting for Alex in their beat up band van parked outside of the church community center. Sometimes their friend and other bandmate, Reggie, joined, may be bearing a Taco Bell takeout bag or two. 

Today so happened to be a Burger King day Julie noted as she observed Reggie in the passenger seat. He waved to her and she returned it. Luke, on the other hand, received a wry smile and an eyebrow raise. 

“Van Boy,” she regarded him, resisting the urge to let her eyes take in his- well, could she even call it an outfit? 

Now, Julie was all for freedom to express one’s self, not as judgmental as someone like her Tía, who would chastise her for even considering wearing shorts to mass. But Julie wouldn’t consider the piece of fabric barely hanging onto Luke’s torso to be a ‘shirt’.  

Never mind about that. She kept her eyes focused on his face, usually cocky, like the time when he had caught her looking at his barely concealed chest while he picked up Alex the first week. 

He had yet to bring it up, but she was hoping he never would. 

“Have you been taking care of our drummer here?” he said, giving Alex a noogie as he did, sending his cap flying and ruffling his hair. 

Alex groaned and fought back, not really in the mood after the horrors he had just witnessed back in the classroom, “Dude. You better have a bag full of chicken fries waiting for me, I swear-” 

“Of course, bud,” 

And with that, Luke patted the blonde and sent him off to the direction of the van, hanging back to talk to her. 

“You know…” he started, and Julie was already wishing that her dad’s car was here already. But alas, L.A traffic was L.A traffic. Instead, she tried to walk off, not without giving one final wave to Alex and to some of the kids in her class as they ran off to meet their parents. 

And true to Luke fashion, he was stubborn and trailed after her. She already had a feeling what he would want to talk about. 

“You know you never gave me an actual answer,”

Julie shook her head, “I thought the eye roll told you everything you needed to know.” 

Luke had been trying, and failing, to convince her to join his band. 

He and Reggie had ducked into the center to use the bathroom some weeks ago and were able to catch the closing song in the hall (that also acted as a basketball court). She just so happened to be leading all the classes in a rousing rendition of ‘Go Tell It On the Mountain’. 

Ever since then, Luke would be waiting out of the van every Tuesday night, practically pouncing on her with new pleas to at least hear some songs he had been working on, to hopefully change her mind. 

“The eye roll doesn’t count when you walk too far ahead for me to see it!” 

The statement made her pause, giving the chance for Luke to run and catch up. He was suddenly in front of her, rocking on his heels, his jean chains jingling together. 

“I’m just saying. You haven’t really given us a chance to blow you away,” 

She sighed, “Look, I have already seen you guys play.” Alex had already shown her a Youtube video of them playing some club while getting to know each other at the catechist meeting. 

His expression lit up, “And?” 

“You’re pretty good-” 

“Pretty good?” Luke scoffed, offended, “Look, we’re still fine tuning things ever since our rhythm guitarist left, but” he pulled out a piece of folded up notebook paper from his pocket, “I have something that we could totally work on. Perfect for your range and everything.” 

“Luke,” she had to stop him right there, “Look, thanks for the offer and all, but I’ve got a lot on my plate and I don’t have time to be in a band right now.” 

She was already teaching bible studies, in the church choir, killing herself over APs, and had a bunch of Netflix shows waiting to be binged. Being in a rock band was the last thing she needed. 

Luke slumped at the upfront rejection, and she never thought this guy with a hard rock image was capable of looking like a kicked puppy, and she almost felt bad. “I mean, yeah, but it’s just…” 

“Just what?” she pressed. 

He stuck his hands in his pockets, skidding his heels against the sidewalk, almost shyly. “You just have an amazing voice. That’s all,” he said, “And I know, just know, that you’re capable of more than just psalms or hymns or whatever-” his eyes widened, “I mean, nothing wrong with that! But you got something real special.” 

Oh. Wow. 

Julie was… surprised. 

This must have been the most earnest she had ever seen Luke. Usually every time they spoke, he just oozed this sort of self-righteous, arrogant musician vibe, cracking jokes and never really seemed to take anything seriously. 

And he thought she was talented? Well, he had mentioned something along the lines of that when he was pitching for her to join Sunset Curve. But the wording had been too extreme and too out there to come across as any kind of genuine assessment of her vocal abilities. 

(“You’re like a human wrecking ball!” may work on his boys but not on her.)

“Really?” she asked, inwardly cringing at how soft spoken she sounded. She could never let Luke know that his words were making a dent in her carefully constructed social armor. 

Luke nodded rapidly, his wooly locks falling within his eyeline, and he had to blow a few strands in order to look at her properly. The motion nearly made her giggle.

“Like I can just tell. You’re super versatile. Could sing anything,” 

Oh man. Armor? What armor? Julie was powerless to stop herself from smiling brightly at the statement, she had to duck her head to somewhat conceal it, but when she looked back up, Luke was mirroring her, appearing sunny himself from watching her smile.

Julie really shouldn’t. She did have too much to do, but maybe she could grant Luke some mercy. “I’m not joining your band,” she said, “But maybe I can take a look at your song. Help you with whatever it needs.” 

“Sweet!” Luke fist-pumped. He set out to unfold the paper and show her, but she held her hand up. 

“On one condition,” 

“Shoot,”

Julie crossed her arms, “Ask me properly this time.” 

“You got it. So, Church Girl, would you-?” 

She cleared her throat, staring poignantly at him. 

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes, his smiling shifting into a smirk.

“Fine,” he clapped his hands together, carefully cocooning his sheet of paper, and begged. 

“Will you help me with this song... Julie?” 

Well look at that. The first time Luke had ever said her name. 

And she couldn’t deny how sweet it sounded coming from him. 

Ugh.

Wait. 

No. 

That was definitely not happening. 

And to think the band would be the last thing she needed, having something resembling a boyfriend would be put even lower on her list of priorities. (As if she would consider anyone like Luke to be boyfriend material...). 

But still, she agreed. 

Her dad decided to finally make his appearance, saving her from interacting with Luke before she could dispel such… irrelevant thoughts in order to effectively workshop the song. 

(She needed to focus, and she couldn’t do that when he was looking at her like that.)

“Next Tuesday,” she promised him, making her way to the car. He waved, “See ya then,” 

By the time next Tuesday rolled around, after her and Alex made their exit along with the kids, Luke was leaning against the faded blue van, waiting for them both. 

And if he had an extra Whopper and drink on hand then Julie pretended not to be flattered by the gesture...

Tagging: @blush-and-books and @lydias--stiles - My Triad :)

[harryskalechips]

Joy

A/N here’s a fluffy and angsty piece I wrote from a request! It’s a bit long but I hope you enjoy 🥺❤️

Request: 

https://harryskalechips.tumblr.com/post/620429539601956864/hi-i-was-that-anaon-that-asked-if-you-understand

Claire has had the biggest crush on Harry Styles since eighth grade, now he notices her but it’s for the wrong reason.

Word count 10.1k

“Fuck baby!” Harry pants as he catches Claire running towards him. She was coming from the bleachers, holding onto the big sign with his name on it. 

“Congratulations!” She smiles as her arms wrap around his neck. He lifts her up and spins her in a circle. His sweat sticking onto her skin as he took an inhale of her sweet perfume. “You played so great tonight!”

“I was so stressed I thought we were going to lose the game but I glanced at you in the bleachers.” Harry smiles as he sets her down. “You’re so fucking cute, you know that right?” He takes her chin in his hand so he can lean forward to kiss her.

“I’m your number 1 fan.” She bites her lip as she smiles. “And you know...you looked really good.” Her cheeks flush as she compliments him. She’s been in love with him since 8th grade! How did she get so lucky to be his girlfriend? To be standing in the bleachers cheering him on as she wore his sweater?

---

“Hello?” The familiar voice whispers. “Earth to Claire?” Claire blinks her eyes as she falls out of her daydream. 

It’s high school and just like every cliché movie, Claire had a major crush on one of the most popular guys in her grade. Harry Styles. The boy sat next to her in AP Bio and although he barely spoke to her, her heart somehow always fluttered when she would get a whiff of his cologne or when she would make eye contact with him on the field. Funny thing is Harry was on the football team with her brother, Tom. So when she would stay after school for her ride home, she couldn’t help but focus a bit more on the cute boy.

“Are you okay?” Hannah asks as she takes a spoonful of her fried rice. “I was literally mentioning how we should come back tonight and watch the senior boys’ football game-” She chewed on her food a bit more as she notices her best friend staring at the table behind them. Following Claire’s gaze, it was the group of boys from their grade. Since lunches were split between grades and Claire and Hannah always chose to sit near the middle, they always had a clear view of the athletic boys who were having their meals at the circle in front of the big windows. 

Harry was sitting on the table with his elbows on his thighs as he laughed at Niall Horan’s joke. The rest of the boys were Jack Norton, Samuel Donevy, Mark Randers, and Kai Dowery. Not all of them were on the senior football team but they played other sports and probably had the highest record of dating the girls at their school… except for Harry. He was quiet and he never showed any interest in a girl. Maybe he’s gay? Claire thinks from time to time. 

I mean she’s been observing him since 8th grade. She would look at what snacks he would eat during break time, what sweater he would wear for the week. For God’s sake! Claire started eating oranges while walking back and forth in front of him. She was hoping he would ask for a slice. She thought she looked cute as she peeled her orange walking back and forth. From the corner of her eye, she noticed him staring at her. Maybe, he wondered what she was thinking? Or maybe, he thought her red oversized flannel looked cute on her? … Wrong!

Harry watched her during his break time while he ate the small cookies from the bag in his hands. What the fuck is Claire doing? Can she stop? Holy shit, I would aim perfectly if I hit her in the head with my shoe! Can she choke now, please?

I guess that’s how it’s always been since Claire met Harry. When he first transferred to her school, she fell in love with him but Harry paid no mind to her. Instead, she was just some random girl who he’s known for three years. 

“You’re staring again.” Hannah throws a pea at Claire. In retaliation, Claire throws it back as it lands near her elbow. 

“They’re just in my line of sight.” She scoffs as she takes a sip of her water. “And yes, we can go watch them tonight but we can’t head to the after-party. I need to study for my chem test tomorrow.”

“What? Claire, how else are we going to have fun? I told Brooke, we were going.” Claire wasn’t just friends with Hannah. They had a bigger friend group of 5 but she and Hannah were obviously the closest. The other girls were at their club meetings. 

“Go with Brooke then? I’ll just uber home.” Claire packs up her container. She stands up to throw their garbage in the trash bin before coming back. “You know, I don’t want to let you down like this.”

“Sis, you would only stay home tonight if it wasn’t Harry Styles on the football team.” Hannah teases as they get ready to leave. “At least you’re coming to the game.”

~

“Tom!” Claire runs to her older brother. Hannah and Brook were already sitting in the bleachers as the game was starting in 30 minutes.

“What?” He snaps back. He was sitting on the bench, taking a sip of his water watching the other boys warm up. 

“I’m just letting you know, I’m going to uber home tonight. I’m not going to the after-party.” She had to tell her brother where she was going after the game. Ever since their mom and dad divorced, Tom was in charge of his little sister. He had to drive her to places and make sure he knew where she was. It’s been their routine. Hannah would drive from home and to the party. He would meet her at the party so they can drive home together but it seemed like tonight was not the case. 

“You don’t need to.” He takes his sister’s sweater and rubs his sweat on it. 

“Tom!” She calls out his name in disgust. 

“The party is at our house tonight.”

“What about Ben’s?”

“Renovation.”

“But what about mo-”

“She’s working the night shift in the ER today.” He stands up and takes his foot to his back to stretch. “Now, go. Make sure you order 6 boxes of pizza after the game. The guys and I will bring the beer.”

“What’s wrong?” Brooke questions as she watches Claire climb the stairs to their seats. It was starting to crowd, so she had to yell a bit louder. 

“The party is at our house tonight?” Claire replies with a confused face. “Tom is so stupid! How could he plan this without telling me?”

“Claire, you know what that means right?” Hannah shakes her head as she takes a sip of her soda. “Harry Styles is going to be at your house tonight! Perfect timing to seduce him!” She wiggles her brows. Claire cringed. Seduce him? That’s exactly what she didn’t want to do. She can already picture him pushing her off. 

“No, thanks.” She pouts. If only she didn’t have a test tomorrow, she could be downstairs ogling Harry across the room. Instead, she’ll be ogling a stupid video with the catchy crash course intro. “You guys have fun but you better tell me if some girl starts talking to him.” Brook laughs as she checks her phone.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s going to be standing in the corner drinking a cup while watching other people get pissed drunk.”

~

The Falcons won. In other words, Harry’s football team won. It ended with Claire coming out of Hannah’s car with a bunch of people waiting for her to open the door. Now, she sat at her desk rubbing her temples in frustration. She could hear people laughing as the music beat vibrated against her floor, making the glass of water on her desk shake in the corner of her eye. I’m about to-

“Sorry, I thought this was the washroom.”  She turns around to see Harry standing in her doorway. He had his baseball cap on backwards. He was wearing a band tee she couldn’t recognize. 

“Oh, i-tt’s the next door on your left.” Claire stutters as she stands up immediately. “Hi.” Harry gives her a strange look before looking around her room. 

“Hi.” He pauses before talking again. “Nice room.” He was about to go but Claire needed to speak up. This was the only time she had his attention. 

“Did you study for the chemistry test tomorrow?” Oh my fucking god… You’re so dumb Claire.

“I don’t have chemistry.” He raises his eyebrow at her before holding onto her doorknob. “Sorry to bother.” And with that, he closed her door shut leaving her dumbfounded. Claire stood there as her heart kept beating fast. That had to be the third time Harry spoke to her. 

The first time was in freshman year when he asked her for an eraser during math class. The second time was in Biology class three months ago, when he told her to shut up after she kept asking Mr. Lisak questions about the nucleotides in genes. She hated herself, she really did. 

After a while, Claire came to a realization that she couldn’t study tonight so she stood up once again to head downstairs to see what fun she was missing. 

“Hannah!” Claire pushed herself through the crowd to greet her and Brooke. They were sitting in a circle with some other kids from their grade. Brooke moved over so Claire can sit with them. 

“I thought you were studying?” she whispered to her friend as she took a sip of her mixed drink. 

“I couldn’t concentrate.” Claire bit her lip. She was watching the board game in front of them but as she looked up, she noticed her brother laughing with his friends. What stood out to her was that Harry was with them. “I have to go.” Y/N stands up as she watches her brother call her over.

“Where are you going?” Hannah asks as she leans into Gabby. 

“My brother needs me.” She sits up carefully as she continues to walk towards Tom. “What do you need?”

“What are you doing down here? I thought you were studying?” He asks as he crosses his arms. His friends were laughing to themselves as they watched the siblings talked. “What are you guys laughing about?” He eyes them. Carlos shakes his head as he looks at me. 

“Isn’t Claire in eleventh grade? So, is Styles-”

“Shut up.” My brother interrupts him. “Don’t drink too much, you have to help me clean.” he talks to Claire again.

“What? I wasn’t the one who initiated this whole thing!”

“Yeah, well you came downstairs so you’re automatically co-hosting with me.”

~

“Reports on last night’s cleanup?” Sandra asks Claire as they walk to Bio. Sandra and Kaitlyn were the other two girls in their friend group but they both hated going to parties so instead, they chose to have movie nights when the other girls were out. 

“It was horrible.” Claire rolls her eyes as they enter the classroom. Other students were getting settled in as well. Claire didn’t need to admit it. Today was an absolute shit day. First off, her chemistry test was a total fail. Her mom seemed to be too suspicious about last night’s events, and now, Mr. Lisak was assigning their bio assignments. 

“Glad to know I won’t ever have to deal with that.” Sandra brushes her hair away from her face. “You don’t even like parties, I can’t believe you still go.”She sets her textbook on the table. “I know it’s because your boyfriend Ha-”

“Shut up. Don’t say his name!” Claire pulls Sandra’s hair softly. Harry was just so happening walking behind them to his seat. 

“Claire.” He calls her out. Harry was calling her.

“Yeah.”

“I need to talk to you after class.” He doesn’t look at her as he unloads his backpack. 

Harry and Claire walked alongside each other as they exited the school’s building. She had to text Hannah to find a group of friends to sit with since she didn’t know how long this conversation would take. Harry stopped them in front of a tree near the football field. What did he need to tell her?

“Your brother thinks you have a crush on me.” He keeps a straight face as he looks at her. Claire chokes on her breath. She takes a step back and looks at the field. 

“Whaaaat? I do not!” She scoffs back with a particular tone. She never told Tom, how would he know!

“So, you don’t like me?”

“No, of course, I do! You’re such a nice guy- and you play really well on-” She rambles on as she watches Harry just look at her. 

“It’s a yes or no question.” He shakes his head. 

By the time, Claire got her thoughts together, she notices him already walking away from her, she had to yell. “No! I don’t like you!” He pauses in his tracks and turns around.

“Okay good because I need a favour.” Claire widens her eyes. Harry Styles after three years of having the fattest crush on him, he’s happy to know she doesn’t like him? She lied! 

“What do you need?”

“I need you to go on a date with Finn Hartley.” Harry walks back towards her as he holds onto the straps of his backpack. 

“Finn Hartley? You don’t even talk to him!”

“How would you know?” Harry questions her making her mouth run dry. She’s been obsessed with you, that’s why. 

“I just- I don’t think you hang around him that much.” 

“Well, I do. I need you to go on one date with him.”

“Why?”

“He likes you.” Claire widens her eyes once again. How did Finn like her? She’s always been busy with her attention on Harry. She didn’t know a boy liked her. 

“How long has he liked me?” She mumbles as her cheeks begin to flush.

“Since the beginning of the year. I lost a bet with him so I had to set him on a date with you.”

“What was the bet on?” She bites her lip. Claire didn’t even realize she was standing so close to him. He still smelled the same. She was wondering if he was warm enough to hug her. Maybe, if she kissed him now, all these feelings would go away. 

“Some stupid shit.”

“Why does my brother think I like you?” 

“Stop asking questions, Jameson.” He calls her out by her last name. 

“Just one date?” She pushed back, ignoring his last statement. Harry just sighs and turns her around before pushing her to walk back towards the school building. She couldn’t help but notice how his hands were still on her shoulders as they continued to walk. 

“Yes, one date. If you don’t like him, that’s okay. I don’t care.”

~

Claire sat in the bleachers by herself as she took a book from her bag. She was staying after school today since Tom had another practice. She couldn’t help but notice Harry doing push-ups with some other boys. 

It’s a bit weird how easily Harry’s presence can bring her joy. Despite him not noticing her, just seeing him already made her day. 

He was already sweating due to the sunlight that was directly pointing in their direction. He stood up walking to the bench to take off his shirt but for some reason, this was his first time noticing her. I mean, he knew that Claire Jameson sat in the bleachers every time they had practice but this was the first time that he caught himself looking at her. 

She sat quietly in the bleachers as she read her book. She seemed to have been smiling from something she was reading but little did he know, it was because she was watching him. 

“Did you tell Harry I like him?” Claire sits in the passenger seat next to her brother. He put his shades on and started the car. Claire was watching Harry get into his own car across the parking lot. 

“Styles? You like Styles?” Tom laughs as he rubs his itchy nose. 

“So, you didn’t tell him?”

“Claire, I’m not going to lie I think you’re kind of out of his league.”

“Really?” She blushed. Her brother thought she deserved better? But Harry was her first love!

“No, you ugly sack of potatoes.” He turns out of the lot as he blasts the music. “I’m so going to tell mom you have a crush!”

“Tom!” ~ Bz. Bzz. 

Claire drops her pen and leans over to grab her phone on the bed. It was from Harry.

Harry: I’m coming over tonight. H.

Claire blinks repeatedly as she stares at the message. Luckily, she already updated her friends about Harry but this was just out of nowhere!

Claire: Why?

Harry: I need to give you some tips on how to make Finn have the best date H.

Claire: Shouldn’t he be working hard on how to make me have the best date.

Harry: I’m just coming over to give you some tips on what to talk about. H.

Claire couldn’t help but let her cheeks turn red. She never knew he texted with his initial at the end.

Claire: okay.

“Hey.”, Claire smiled as she opened the door for Harry. It was around 7 PM and he seemed to have change into a red flannel and black jeans. 

“Hey.” He glances at her and walks in. 

“Sweetie, I see your friend is here.” Claire’s mom steps into the foyer. “I’m Morgan. It’s nice to meet you…”

“Harry.” 

“Styles?” Tom comes downstairs with a bag of chips in his hand. He then looks at his sister and laughs. “Holy shit, you actually could go-” Claire throws her slipper at him. 

“Mom, we’ll be in my room.”

“Oooooo.” Her brother teases as she pushes him out of the way. She grabs Harry’s wrist so she can take him upstairs. 

 She slams the door close as Harry sits on her bed. What is she doing? Why is he here? Why did she lie about not liking him? Now, she has to go on a date with his friend, when she’s been wanting to go on one with him! 

“Are you okay?” He licks his lips and leans back on her bed. His legs were wide open as he watched her and she had to look away before she invites herself in between them. 

“I’m fine.” She glances at his face then looks away. She sits at her desk and looks at him. “I haven’t been on a date before.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m here.”

“How would you know that?” Claire was a bit offended. He knew she’s never been on a date. That no guy has ever been interested in her… no wonder he paid no attention towards her. 

“I don’t know.” He looks at her ceiling. She still had those glow in the dark stars. 

“Before we talk about my date though, you need to come clean.” She mumbles as she plays with the tiny cracks on her phone. She pushed it away after feeling some glass on her skin. 

“About what?” He sniffles and sits up a bit more. He couldn’t stop himself from picking up a frame of her. It was her sixth birthday, and she was blowing her cake with her dad and brother beside her. 

“Tom doesn’t think I like you.” 

“Oh.” He puts the picture down and shakes his head before looking at her. He leans his chin on his hands before kissing his teeth and replying. “Yeah, It was me. Thought you liked me?” Claire’s heart stopped beating. Was it obvious? How she would always ramble when she would see him? How she watched him on the field and in the cafeteria. Holy shit, how she would eat things based on what he would eat? 

“Well, I-”

“Yeah, I know you don’t Claire. I realized you’re just a weirdo.” Claire crinkles her face.

“Thanks.”

“No, but for real, I had to make sure you didn’t like me or anything. That’s fucked up if I tried to set you up with Finn.” Well, you’re in for a surprise. 

“Really fucked up.” She laughs at herself. 

“Okay, let’s get started.” He yawns a bit. “I told Finn that I got your input about going on a date with him and he’s happy about it-” Harry continues on but for some reason, Claire found herself just looking at him. How he would rub his chin and use his hands to explain things. “Claire. Claire!”

“Yeah!” She falls out of her trance. Trying to pull it off smoothly, she spins her chair around and looks at him. “I’ve been listening!”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Yes, I have!”

“What did I just say?” He smirks at her, leaving Claire to smack her forehead on the desk. “Hey, stop you’re going to get a bruise. Why are you hitting yourself so hard?”

“I’m stupid!”

“Or more like falling asleep.” He pulls her off the chair to join him on the bed. “Y’know if you don’t want tips. It’s fine, I was thinking about talking you through it but I should just leave.” 

“No, don’t!” Claire urgently replies back. God, does she sound desperate or what? Seduce him! Hannah’s voice enters her mind. She possibly can’t. Should she?

Claire decides to give a go. Maybe, if he rejects her, this is how she’ll find out if he’s gay or not. She lets her hair down before biting her lip. She leans a bit back on one of her elbows as she reaches over for her remote to turn on the TV. Specifically, Netflix.

“What the fuck are you doing Claire.” Harry sits next to her with his eyebrows furrowed. He pushes her arm, making her completely fall onto the bed. He leans over to take the tv remote but just as he was hovering over her, the door busted open.

“Claire, what did I say. No closed doors when boys- Oh My God!” Morgan yells as she looks at Harry partly hovering over her daughter as the screen of movies and tv shows are on display. 

“Mom!”

Harry quickly pulls away and stands up before clearing his throat. Claire sits up as well, tying her hair back up. 

“I’m leaving. No closed doors!” Morgan quickly walks away. Harry turns around to look at her before throwing himself back on the bed.

“Are you okay?” He rubs his eyes and looks at her. He honestly thinks this girl is weird. How does Finn like her?

Hm, how should Claire respond to that? I’m fine. I was just trying to seduce you that’s all.

“Yeah, my ponytail was giving me a headache and I was wondering if we should watch a movie while you explain the stuff.” Harry didn’t reply when she was done speaking. Instead, he reached over to pull her hair tie off her, softly as possible. 

“There.” He throws it back at her before taking the remote. “Wanna watch a random episode of friends?”

“Um, sure.” She takes the hair tie back as she sits a safe distance away from him so they can watch the show. 

Throughout the episode, Harry ended up sitting against the wall with Claire as he spoke about what to expect from Finn or more importantly from a first date. This time she listened well and tried not to focus too much on him. Of course, it still made her heart beat fast when he would laugh at her stupid questions but if Harry thought she was a weirdo… then a weirdo she is. 

Click. Claire hears as she opens her eyes. It was Tom holding his phone as he took a picture of her and Harry. Claire wanted to yell at him so badly but she was kind of happy he took the pic. Plus as she turned a bit, she noticed she was laying on Harry’s shoulder. God, how did they end up this way? Last she knew, She was closing her eyes subtly as he continued to explain what was a good conversation starter. Did he think she was a loser? That she can’t even impress his friend? Well, not too wrong, she can barely handle a conversation with him.

Tom laughs as he walks forward to tug on Harry’s ankle. “Yo Styles, wake up.” Claire immediately pulls away as she stretches her arms.

“Fuck did I fall asleep? Sorry, Claire.”

“Yeah, yeah. Do you like my sister or not?” Tom glances at his sister before looking at Harry. 

“What? No dude.” Harry gets off the bed as he rubs his eyes. “I fell asleep by accident.” He looks at Claire as he rubs his chin. 

“Mom is asking if you want some dinner before you leave.”

“Oh no, It’s fine I got to head home anyway.” Harry glances at the clock. It was about 9 PM. He never stayed this late at a girl’s house before. Quite frankly, he never really went to their house, they came to his.

As Harry was driving home, he couldn’t help but sniff his flannel a lot, especially on his left side where Claire was sleeping. As he parked his car and came inside, he noticed how lonely it felt. How the picture of his dad sat on the fireplace. He missed him. 

~

“You fell asleep on Harry?” Kaitlyn clarifies as the five of them sat on the field. Their Classes were about to start in 15 minutes and this was usually the time when all of them could hang out. 

“Yeah.” 

“Holy shit, when did Harry start noticing you?” Hannah laughs as she plucks some grass and into her fingers.

“I don’t know… ever since my brother hosted the party at our place?”

“It had to be before. Finn likes you! When did that bet take place anyway?” Brooke questions as she lays her head on Sandra’s lap. 

“That’s true, you should ask.” Sandra braids Brooke’s hair as she listens to the conversation. 

“I barely ever spoke to Finn in my life.” Claire leans up to look at the sky. “Now, Harry only notices me because of him.”

“That’s cute. Imagine if Harry ends up liking you or you end up having a crush on Finn.”

“I don’t know. I’d pick Harry over anyone.”

“Ooooo.” Kaitlyn teases as she playfully pushes Claire into Hannah’s side. 

“Jameson!” The girls look up to see Harry a bit further from them. He stood in a black T-shirt and his signature skinny black jeans.

“I got to go. Duty calls.” 

“Yeah, your boyfriend is calling.” Brooke burst out in laughter as Claire pulls some grass herself before dropping it in Brooke’s face.

“Yeah.” She catches up to him as they begin to walk inside the building. 

“He’s asking you out today during lunch. Where do you eat?”

“In the cafeteria…” Claire pouts a bit as she looks at Harry. He really never did notice her. She sat in front of him every day and he had no idea! 

“Oh okay. Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“What? I’m not looking at you like anything.”

“Cut the crap, Claire. I don’t know what’s your problem today but that’s all I needed to tell you.” And with that, Harry walks away, leaving her pretty sad. 

She didn’t feel right. How obsessed she’s been about him, only to have him talk to her a couple of times due to a lost bet.  It sucked. 

Last night before they fell asleep, they were talking about the what-ifs on her first date. She remembered him smiling and laughing at her awkwardness. Now, it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with her.

Hannah sat in front of Claire in their usual seats. She was drinking some chocolate milk while doing her homework. Claire seemed to barely touch her food. “Are you okay? What did Harry tell you?” Hannah couldn’t help but asks. She noticed how her best friend barely looked at the table behind them ever since lunch started. 

As Hannah brought the topic up, Claire couldn’t help but look at the table, only to catch Harry already looking at her. Well, hi to you too. “I’m fine. It’s just- Harry was kind of mean today. I thought after getting to know him, he would be a bit nicer.”

“But do you really know anything about him?” 

“I know…” Claire seemed to be lost on this one and it upset her more. She claims to be in love with him but she doesn’t even know what he likes? What his favourite colour is? “I know he has a sister named Gemma. She’s in University.”

“How do you only know that?”

“He said it in 8th grade, during a presentation.” Claire shakes her head and looks down. She is so pathetic.

“Hey Claire,” She looks up again to see Finn Hartley standing at their table. “Hey, Hannah.”

“Hi.” Claire forces a smile at him as she feels Harry’s eyes on her. 

“I was wondering if I could get your number and take you out on a date?” Finn smiles at her as she glances at Harry once more. He seemed to be far more interested in Natalie and her friends who sat at their table a couple of minutes ago. 

“Here you go. I can’t wait where we’re going to go.” Claire genuinely replies as she fills in his phone. 

“Thanks.” Finn smiles as he puts his phone in his pocket. “I’ll see you soon.”

“You better come over and help me prepare for this date.” Claire lets out a sigh as she begins to eat.

~

“Wait so, he’s taking you out to Mcdonalds?” Hannah asks confusedly as she sits on Claire’s bed. “For a guy who seems to like you, his date location choice seems pretty… uh” 

“I know right?” Claire pauses as she tries on a new shirt. “ I don’t know it’s fine. It’s my first date though. I’m really excited.”

“I’m really happy for you, babe. After Harry stopped talking to you, I can only imagine how open-minded you are to this.”

“Thanks for coming, it means a lot.” 

“Anything for you.” 

“So, what would you like to order?” The girl asks the pair as they look at the menu and at her. 

“I’ll have combo 1 please,” Finn states as he looks at Claire.

“I’ll have combo three, the chicken nuggets.” She smiles. The night was a bit awkward, she expected Finn to talk a bit more. That’s what Harry told her. Instead, he was quiet as a mouse, barely acknowledging her. 

As they took their seats in the booth, Claire couldn’t help but take a french fry in her mouth. She was quiet too and Finn was just trying to eat his burger.

“Are we okay?” Claire couldn’t help but asks. Harry told her that Finn was excited about tonight but instead, he was acting as if he hated being here. The boy looks up and nods his head. 

“Yeah, I ‘m fine. Just a bit shy.”

“It’s okay. Me too. It’s kind of my first date.”

“Really? This is probably my third but I don’t go out much.” Claire dips her nugget in her sauce as she laughs a bit. 

“Same. Let’s get to know each other.” She takes a bit of the meat in her hands. “ How did you and Harry become friends?” She wasn’t going to lie. Finn was cute but she didn’t know much about him. 

“Oh, Haz and I? We’re next-door neighbours. I knew him since he moved in.”

“Why haven’t I seen you during middle school then?”

“Homeschooled.” Finn laughs as he takes a sip of his soda. “You’re probably wondering what our bet was. I would have asked you on a date without his help but I was really nervous.” Claire smiled at him and shakes her head. 

“It doesn’t bother me at all. I’m glad I’m here tonight.” Was that a lie? She wasn’t mad to be here but she did wish she was with Harry instead.

“Harry and I were playing soccer in my backyard. I ended up getting more shots than him. I mean, the guy is better in American football than his English soccer, isn’t that crazy?”

“I’m sure he was a bit rusty.” She laughs about their bet. “What was his reward if he won?”

“Nothing actually. Sometimes, I think he purposely lost so I could finally go out with you.”

“That’s nice of him,” Claire admitted. So, she didn’t know much about Harry but that little story from Finn made her think the world of Harry. She wished that he still talked to her.

~

You guessed it. Claire was stuck on the bleachers again waiting for her brother. Tomorrow, they had a home game so tonight’s practice was a bit more longer. She played with her hair as she watched the boys run from one side of the cone to another. She was trying her best to not look at the curly-headed boy. 

After her great date with Finn, she came to the conclusion that maybe it was time to get over Harry Styles. 

After all, he really made sure to let her know he doesn’t like her. 

Once practice was over, she noticed Tom talking to his friends before climbing the bleachers to meet up with his sister. “Claire, tonight we have a change of plans.” 

“What?” She whined. It was already 5 PM and all she wanted to do was head home and sleep. 

“Jeffrey and the others are heading to the diner for some food, you can either come or you can walk home.” Claire put her backpack on as she stood in front of him.

“I’ll uber home.” She really didn’t want to walk for 30 minutes if she was being honest. 

“I’ll drive her,” A voice speaks out. Tom and Claire look at the bottom to see Harry holding onto his sweat bag. Tom smirked at his sister before walking down again. Claire followed along without another word.

“No funny business Styles, you drop my sister home and then you leave.” Usually, Tom wouldn’t let a guy from his team talk to his sister but weirdly enough, he let Harry drive his sister home. After all, she had a big crush on him. Tom walked away leaving Harry and Claire on the field while the other boys were in the change room. She glanced at Harry to see him rubbing the back of his neck before nodding his head to the exit.

“Let’s go.”

Step by step, Claire followed him to his car. It was a regular black sleek Sedan. She sat in the passenger seat while she watched Harry throw his bag in the trunk before sitting down in front of the wheel.

She sat awkwardly in the seat as Harry just observed her. “What?” She mumbles as she stared straight ahead of her.  Harry just laughs at her as he shakes his head. After a couple of seconds, the boy leans over to grab the seat belt on her side. He clicks it on and puts his on too. “You could have just told me.” She bites her lip as she adjusts the strap on her chest.

“Yeah but for some reason Jameson, you act like you have no brain cells when you’re around me.”

“No, I don’t.” She protested as Harry smirks at her. He starts the car and begins to drive. “Thanks for the ride though. It’s nice of you.”

“I wanted to hear about your date last night.” He glanced at her. She’s pretty. Holy shit, stop that Harry. 

“Of course you do.” She rolls her eyes as she takes an inhale. His car smelled exactly like him. “It went great though. In the beginning, it was a bit rough but after a while, it was really fun.”

“That’s good to hear.” He didn’t know why he asked her. After their date, Finn knocked on his door, telling him everything about it. It made him a bit… upset. The only question in Harry’s mind was why? Why did it bother him?  He barely spoke to this girl since a couple weeks ago and for some damn reason, he’s been thinking about her since. 

He remembered how talkative she was during Bio class. She was way too interested in genes than anybody else in the room. How she bit her pencil when she couldn’t understand the topic. He already knew she was going to raise her hand up by the way she kept glancing at her notes and then at the slides. 

How she was reading something while she sat in the bleachers or on some nights, she would just watch them train…. He was suddenly getting a bunch of thoughts of her thrown into his head. 

“Harry?” She pokes his arm as he stares at his wheel. They finally arrived at her place after not really talking during the drive home. Now, she needed the boy to unlock the door. He shakes his head and looks at her house. Harry shrugs his shoulders, waiting for her to get out but the only problem was she didn’t know what button unlocked her door. “Can you unlock the door?” He presses the button on his side before looking at her. “Thanks… would you like to come in?” Claire screamed in her head. Why would she ask him that!” 

“Your brother said no funny business. I’m scared you might try and seduce me again.”

“I wasn’t trying to!” Claire lies as she grabs her backpack and steps out. “Okay, fine go home. I was going to make you dinner!” Harry smiles at her. He was only teasing her but to see her so flustered made him a bit happier.

“I’m coming.” He pulls his keys out and unbuckles his belt.

They sat together in Claire’s kitchen, eating some pasta. Tom wasn’t home yet nor was her mom so they had the house to themselves. Harry already had two bowls why Claire just ate slowly while watching him eat. 

“You know, we never really talked and we’ve known each other since eighth grade,” She speaks out as she pours him a glass of orange juice. She sat in her hoodie and her tights after they came home. 

“I don’t talk to a lot of people, especially girls.” He mumbled thanks after, she put the juice box down. 

“That’s not true. I saw you talking to Natalie and her friends!” He raises his brow at her and takes another forkful of the pasta in his bowl.

“Do you stalk me, Jameson?” “No.” She widens her eyes and pours more juice in his glass. It was still full… “I don’t know anything about you.”

“I have a sister named Gemma.”

“I know.” He drops his utensil in his bowl. He slowly drags the cup towards him since he didn’t want to spill the juice. The girl beside him filled it to the brim. 

“Drink it.” He looks at her then his glass of juice.

“I already have a cup. No thanks.”

“Drink it.” He smirks and pushes it towards her. She filled it to the top so she has to fix it. 

Claire leans forward as she takes small sips from his glass. She couldn’t help but think of how lips touched it before hers. After she finished it halfway through, she pulled away and wiped her mouth. She was about to look at Harry for his reaction but instead, he pulls her closer to kiss her. He kissed her!

His hand was on her arm as he pulled her towards him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him but instead, she stayed frozen. His lips were so soft just like she imagined. He couldn’t help but suck on her top lip as it tasted like orange juice. 

He pulls away as he looks at her and bites his lip. “I have to go.” He sits up immediately and gets ready to leave her house. Claire chases after him and just as he was about to walk through the open door, she couldn’t help but call him out.

“Are you gay!?” She watches him with tears in her eyes. He regretted kissing her. A boy like him didn’t like her. The boy she was in love with wanted nothing to do with her. 

“What? No!” He replies with a particular tone in his voice. He was obviously offended. “Bye Jameson, thanks for the food.” he mumbles. 

Claire closes the door and locks it before walking to her staircase and sitting down. Her sleeves were her only substitute as tissues while she continued to cry. Harry Styles was her first kiss and he walked away from her right after.

~

Let’s go Falcons! Let’s go! 

The cheerleaders chanted in the corner of the field as the boys continued to vs the Panthers. Claire was sitting in the bleachers as usual with Brooke and Hannah. She tried not to come tonight but the moment, Hannah showed up at her house, she couldn’t say no. Now, they sat together cheering on their school. From the corner of her eye, she could see Finn sitting with his friends. They were known for running the robotics club, which was really cool. 

“I’m going to get a drink,” Claire announced as she stood up from her friends. Their school was winning by 92-77. She was barely watching the game anyways. After last night, she’s been avoiding her brother. She didn’t want Tom to know about Harry and their kiss. 

“Hey.” Finn elbows her and smiles. They stood at the front of their vending machine with some other guests standing behind them. 

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry for not calling you back after that date.” Maybe, he wasn’t interested in her too. “I just- my mom is sick and she went back to the hospital.”

“I’m sorry to hear about that. It’s fine Finn.” She couldn’t help but hug him. She hated it when she heard stories about her friends’ parents. When something bad happened to them, she couldn’t help but feel as if they’re her parents too, especially since her dad left them. 

“Styles!” Norton yells at him as he misses the ball. The coach calls time, making their team head back to the benches.

“What were you looking at!?” Tom snaps at him as they huddle up.  Harry shakes his head as he takes his helmet off. 

“Sorry, I don’t know.” But he did know. He was looking at Jack running with the ball but his eyes caught Claire and Finn hugging near the vending machines. He obviously had no idea why it made him lose focus. 

“Get back on the field and if you get your head out of the game one more time, you’re out!” Coach Turner smacks his board on the pole. The other team was finally catching up. 

“What took you so long?” Brooke questions as Claire sits beside her again. Hannah was taking selfies with their poster. 

“Saw Finn.” She replies back as she smiled at the boy who looked at her one more time before talking to his friends. 

“You missed Harry getting yelled at by your brother. I think Coach Turner did too.”

“Why did he get yelled at?” Her brows furrowed as she caught eyes with Harry. He was about to snap the football behind to her brother. It was crazy how they could still see each other even though she was on the bleachers. She wasn’t far though only 6 rows up. 

“He missed a play.”

“Party tonight at Ben’s!” Hannah cheers as she leans on Claire’s shoulder but for some reason, Claire couldn’t stop thinking of Harry.

“Another win for the boys!!! HUH HUH!!” Norton yells as the boys enter Ben’s house. Harry followed behind them with a smile on his face as he took a beer from a random guy who offered it to him. After the game, Jack and Tom seemed cool with him again. After all, he scored two touchdowns after his mistake. Now, tonight was their celebratory party… like always. 

“You played really well, Harry.” Natalie walks to him as he stands at the table where the snacks were laid out. 

“Thanks, Nat.” He purses his lips as he looks at the variety of chips in front of him. He was having a hard choice between them. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to I don’t know… Go somewhere a bit quieter?” Harry pretended to act clueless but he knew exactly what she was talking about. He never really liked a girl but he did play around with Natalie from time to time. He just hated the way she talked. Harry was about to say yes until he saw Claire across the room, dancing by herself… surrounded by other people who seemed to ignore her. Where were her friends? Did she know that she can’t dance?

“No thanks.” He walks away to grab Claire from the crowd. He brought her outside on the patio where most people were just chilling. Where was Tom?

“Claire.” He tries to stabilize her as she holds onto his shoulders. “Why are you drunk?” If anything, Harry knew Claire wasn’t the type to lose her self control at parties. He noticed she was just as sober as he was… at least most of the time.

“Why di coach Turnerrr yell at you?” She pouts and leans into him.

“I made a mistake.” His hands placed themselves on her waist. He could feel her skin through the thin cropped cardigan and skinny jeans she was wearing. 

“You know! I like Finn.” Harry couldn’t help but look down at their shoes. 

“You do?”

“Yeah! Especially when he told me how youuu lost the gamee so he can go on a date with me!”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” He lies as he takes a whiff of her sweet perfume. She smelled like lavender. 

 “You’re British! How could you not be good at soccer?” She looks at him as she slurs. She takes her pointer finger and taps his nose. 

“True.” 

“You know who I like more than Finn though?” “Who?”

“You! I’ve liked you since eighth grade!”

“What?” His eyes widened. Harry stared at her eyes to see if she was lying but instead, she smiled sweetly as her cheeks were pink as the colour of her room.

“Mhm. Been in love with you since! I always tried to get your attention but you never noticed me!”

“Claire.” He looks at her. He doesn’t know how he feels about the new fact He doesn’t even know what to say. Yeah, he’s always wanted a girlfriend but he never really found a girl for him… well except now. Harry was liking the idea of Claire being his girlfriend. He thought that she liked him but after the first time, she said no, he got his answer and he never thought about it again. 

“Holy shit Claire!” Brooke comes out of the house to see them too. She was wondering where her friend was. “Hi, Harry.” Harry took his hands off of her immediately as he pushed the girl into her friend’s arms.

“Hey. I brought her out here, it was pretty hot inside and she’s pretty drunk.” Brooke trusted him as she took Claire. She knew he wasn’t trying to take advantage of her. Truthfully, she heard their whole conversation and the moment she saw Harry’s reaction to Clarie’s confession, she had to come in. 

“Thanks.” Harry just nods before walking back inside.

~

“I knew what I said. Stop bringing it up.” Claire groans as she and her friends sat on the football field just like usual. It was now a Monday and ever since Friday night’s party, her anxiety has been killing her.

“You know, you can always pretend you don’t remember.”

“What?” She takes a sip from her thermos as she listens to Kaitlyn’s suggestion. 

“That’s true. You were drunk! Just pretend you don’t remember.” Sandra agrees with her.

“You should. Remember how he just left  after kissing you.” Brooke joins into the conversation.

“Tom should never hear about that.” Claire rubs her eyes. 

“He won’t as long as you never tell him.” Hannah shakes her head and laughs. “He probably yelled at your ass when you guys were driving home.”

“I still hate how he drinks then drives.” Brooke pouts as she bites her lip. She may have a crush on Claire’s brother.

“He barely drinks though but yeah, I definitely got yelled at.”

“Shit was that the bell?” Sandra sits up and helps the other girls stand up too. “We gotta go. I’ll see you in Bio Claire.” 

“Pssst, Psssst Claire!” Harry whispers at her as people enter their classroom. 

“What?” She looks at him and takes her pencil case. 

“Meet me at the tree during lunch.” Claire wanted to say no. That Hannah needed a buddy to sit with but it was Monday and the other girls had no meetings today so they were going to be a full table anyway. 

“What? No.” That was the first time she said no.

“Yes, you will.”

“Class, Let’s get started.” 

Harry leaned against the tree as he watched the girl in the dress walk towards him. The sun was shining on her as she carefully walked on the field trying not to get mud on her white sneakers. 

“What do you need, Harry? Does Finn want to go on another date?” Claire arrives as she holds onto the straps of her backpack. She was cute, really really cute. Harry had to shake out of his thoughts as he spoke to her. 

“You know, you were drunk on Friday.” “I know. I got yelled at by Tom.” She picks up a stick and peels its skin. Harry takes the thing in her hands and throws it away. “Hey!”

“Do you like me?” He cuts her off as he steps closer to her. “You better not lie this time or so help me God, Claire.” 

“I told you I don’t.” “Who do you like then?” Harry tested her. 

“Finn.” She replies confidently as he clenches his fist. 

“That’s not what you said last Friday.” 

“I didn’t say anything last Friday! Especially, not to you!” She lied. She knew Harry didn’t like her. She needed to save herself the embarrassment. 

“You told me you-”

“I don’t even know anything about you! You barely let me in!”

“Why do you care so much about knowing me!” He yells back at her. She turns around as she feels tears in her eyes. “Are you fucking crying?” She turns around again and sighs.

“I tell you anything you want to know about me but the moment I ask you something, you cut everything short!” “No one cares about me-”

“I do, Harry! I care about you!” She rubs her face and hugs herself. Why did she have to care so much about this boy? 

“If you think this is some romantic movie...” He looks at the field then back at her. “That I’m going to comfort you and tell you shit about myself than you’re wrong Claire.” He takes his backpack and leaves her there, by the tree.

~

“You okay?” Tom unlocks the front door and lets his sister inside the house first. “If you’re still mad about me yelling at you on Friday, you deserve it. You know you need to be careful during these parties.” “I get it, Tom.” Claire walks straight upstairs and shuts her bedroom door. 

The pillows surrounding her head comforted her as she continued to cry. It’s pretty sad how she thought he was different. She always admired him from afar but now that she knows him she wants nothing to do with him. She was surprised when her brother opened the door. 

“Tom,-” He ignores her and shuts the door. He stands away from her as he watches her cry.

“Did I make you cry or did somebody else?”

“Do you miss dad?” Claire ignores his question and sits up. 

“No, I hate him.” He throws the tissue box on the vanity towards her. 

“I miss him.” She glances at the picture from her birthday as she wipes her tears with the tissues. “Some times I wonder why I like Harry so much.”

“What did he do? Is he the one who’s making you cry.” Claire shakes her head not to disagree with him but to point the conversation somewhere else. 

“Maybe ever since Dad left, I needed to find another person to help me cope with the divorce. Maybe, that’s why I always thought of him.” “I don’t know Claire.” Tom itches his head as he watches his sister. “You do know I’m here for you right. Even when I move off to college, I’m still here.”

“I wonder how I’m going to get home now.” “Learn how to drive you dumbass.” Claire sticks her middle finger at him as she opens her arms. 

“Now, come hug me.” 

Finn sighs as he kicks the soccer ball past the soccer net. Harry and he were hanging out by the soccer field near their houses. “Fuck man, I don’t know what to say.” He looks back at the curly-headed boy sitting on the grass. “You’re saying if I didn’t win the bet, you wouldn’t have realized you like her? Claire?”

“I’m sorry. I just felt like I needed to tell you about this. You can be mad at me. I just- I don’t know.” Harry rests his face in his hands. Finn sits down in front of him and pushes his arms. 

“You sure you like Claire Jameson?” He raises his brows at him. “I thought you said she was stupid and weird.”

“She is Finn! That’s the problem!” Harry falls on the grass as he looks at the sky. “She’s not even stupid. She’s actually really smart. She’s just awkward and clumsy - and she’s so fucking cute like that I don’t-”

“Okay, I get it you like the girl.” Finn laughs sadly as he looks at his friend. “You know, I really think she’s a nice girl but when we were on our date, she couldn’t help but talk about you a lot. She kept trying to ask me questions about you.” “I don’t even know if she likes me. She said she did. I asked her today and then she said no! Girls are crazy man!” “I know but in fairness, this is the first girl you spoke about to me.” 

“She drives me crazy.”

“Can you imagine how crazy you’ve been driving her since eighth grade then?” Finn laughs as he stands up again. “Come on, let’s play one more round together and make a bet.”

~ “Hey.” Finn catches up to Claire as they walk in the hallways together. Lunch had just started and she needed to meet Hannah at their table.

“Hey Finn, how are you? How’s your mom?”

“We’re good Claire, thanks for asking.” He holds onto his binder a bit tighter. “I was wondering if I can take you out on a date again?”

“Oh okay.” Claire looks at him. “When?”

“Tonight?” 

“Um, on a school night?” “Yeah. I know it’s just my only free day.”

“Okay. Are you going to pick me up?” “Yeah, wear something nice alright?” Claire raises her eyebrows in surprise. Wow, his standards obviously upgraded. 

“He’s taking you out again?” Hannah rolls her eyes as she eats her burger. “To Mcdonalds?”

“No. Somewhere nicer.” Claire glances up to see Harry already looking at her. Niall seemed to be talking to him but his attention was somewhere else, or someone else. 

“Stop looking at him!” Hannah throws a piece of her sliced cabbage at Claire.”Chant with me. We don’t like Harry Styles, we don’t like-”

“I have to go.” Claire stands up and throws her lunch out. “Go to Sam’s table.” She walks out of the cafeteria. She needed to clear her mind before class and Harry in her peripheral vision wasn’t helping anybody.

She needed to scream at him. She needed to scream at herself. She needed an outlet. By the time she knew it, she was back at the tree from yesterday. As she sat down, she couldn’t help but pout. She’s frustrated, really really frustrated.

~

“Where we going?” Claire asks Finn as he drives out of her neighbourhood. 

“Harbour.” He smiles at her.

“I love the harbour!” She couldn’t help but feel the excitement as she sat in her seat.

By the time, they were there, Finn helped her out of her seat before going back to his. “Finn, Where are you going?” Claire asked in panic as he started his car again. She really tried for this date. She was wearing a bit more makeup than usual and she was even wearing a dress. 

“Look behind you.”Finn smiles sadly then drives away. Claire turns around to see Harry in a suit, holding a rose. 

“Harry…” She walks towards him. He gives her the pink rose before holding onto her hand and directing them to the restaurant in the front. “Wait, what about Finn?” Harry rolls his eyes as he pulls a seat out for her. 

“Is it not obvious that I’m your date tonight.”

“Oh.” 

“Don’t ‘oh’ me love, or I might get that boy to come back here and continue this date for me.” Her cheeks flushed red as she looks at him. 

“Why couldn’t you ask me out on a date?”

“I won another bet Finn and I made so, he had to set us up.” Harry licks his lips and smirks. “You better finish everything on your plate sweetheart, I’ve been saving up my money since 5th grade for a date with a girl.”

It was around 6:30 PM as they walked alongside each other in front of the water. Harry couldn’t help but give his jacket to Claire since it was quite cold tonight. “You wanted to know more about me huh?” “Yeah.” Claire rolls her eyes at Harry’s statement. “Just forget about it-”

“My father passed away 5 years ago and we couldn’t pay for our house, so we moved to a smaller one. It’s where I live now. I have a stepfather so he’s been helping my mom now.” He glances at her and squeezes her cheek. “Don’t cry, Claire. I know it’s sad but that’s what life is.” Claire stops walking. For the first time in three years, she’s able to look him in the eyes without feeling nervous.

“I’m here for you.”

“I know.” He takes her hand and nods his head to the right to gesture they should walk again. “You know what’s funny? I ‘ve always known about you. I just never really spoke to you.”

“I know!” Claire laughs as she plays with the rose, bumping it on her face. “I used to watch you all the time and observe what stuff you wore and what you like to eat.” They stop walking in front of the boats.

“So, you were a stalker?” Harry laughs as her cheeks turn red. “Oh, stop acting shy. I like you too.”

“I never said I liked you!” Claire begins to walk again but Harry grabs onto her wrist to pull back.

“Well, I’m telling you… I like you, Claire Jameson.”

“I like you more, Harry Styles.” Harry’s eyes crinkle as he hears her response. He rubs her hair at the top of her head, before kissing her forehead. 

“Alright, I won’t fight with you on that.

~ Five months later

“Hey, baby,” Harry smirks as he catches Claire into his arms. Football practice had just finished and Hary couldn’t wait to take his girlfriend home, especially with the heart eyes she’s been giving him since the whole thing started.

“Hi!” She hides her face in his T-shirt as she wears his hoodie. 

“Gross!” A voice teases them, “ Styles you better have my sister home by 10.” Tom walks with their other teammates out of the change room. Harry just nods as he takes his girl’s hand. 

They walked together towards the tree at the end of the field. The sun was setting as mixtures of purple and pink covered the sky. Claire sat down as Harry laid his head on her lap. 

“I have a question.” She asks her boyfriend as she plays with his soft brown curls. 

“Mhm.” He closes his eyes and rubs his face on her stomach.

“Would you rather date me or the most beautiful girl in the world?” Harry just rolls his eyes and sits up.

“The most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Harr, that was supposed to be a trick question.” Harry leans in to leave kisses all over her face. 

“You are. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world.” He kisses her and smiles, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[addierose444]

How I Got Into Smith: Part II

In part I, I wrote about my high school extracurricular activities. In this post, I focus on the academic side of my application. I’ll be honest that these posts weren’t as well planned as I would have liked and that ideally, this part would have been first. It was initially going to be a single post, but I didn't have enough time to finalize this part before my unofficial deadline of Sunday at 11:59. It worked out in the end as splitting it into two parts created a new blog post out of thin air. Furthermore, it turns out I had a lot more to add to this part. 

My academics were definitely a strong aspect of my college applications. For some additional context, I applied to Smith regular decision and was admitted with a presidential scholarship. To learn more about merit aid at Smith, click here. Smith was my first choice throughout the application process and I actually submitted my application before the early decision deadline. To read more about why I chose Smith or more accurately why it became my first choice, click here. For additional context, I attended a public high school in Vermont with a graduating class size of 106 with 65% of the class attending two and four-year colleges. If this post is interesting to you, you may also enjoy reading about my academic journey to engineering and computer science. 

I’ve always loved school and education has been a top priority. Between middle and high school, I took six and a half years worth of high school science classes. In addition to the advanced track of our regular curriculum, I took a marine biology class that included a research trip to Bermuda and three APs (chemistry, biology, and physics C mechanics). You can read more about my AP experience here. Of the three main sciences, physics is my favorite. As a class though, I think AP biology was the best. I won departmental awards my first and last years. I was really proud of the first science award as it was a special award created just for me (as opposed to for a specific class year). The crazy thing about taking all these science classes is that I have taken very few science classes here at Smith. Thinking about this irony is part of why I thought to write this post in the first place. Technically I have only taken two science classes (PHY 118 and PHY 210) during my time at Smith. (And to be honest, PHY 210 hardly counts as it's really just an applied math class that’s offered by the physics department). You can check out all of my Smith courses here. The reality is that I fulfilled the introductory chemistry and physics requirements of my engineering major with AP credits.

In addition to lots of science classes, I doubled up on math classes in ninth and eleventh grades. Granted I didn’t take math my senior year and retook calculus at Smith. I think there were some clear flaws in my math education as many of the courses were too easy and had too much overlap year to year. At the same time, we didn’t cover enough trigonometry and had other gaps in our precalculus course. I did learn a lot in my AP statistics class and was surprised by how much I enjoyed the content. It makes total sense in retrospect as I now see math as an interesting and useful tool. Back in elementary and middle school, math was my favorite subject and I loved it in isolation of other subjects and real-life applications. In ninth grade, I got a math award, but unlike the other departmental awards, a lot of people got them. 

My favorite class of high school was AP computer science A. In that course, I learned Java and the basics of object-oriented programing. In ninth grade, I’d been introduced to computer science through a semester-long Python course. In my senior year, I took an online website development course from my state university. I learned HTML, CSS, and some PHP. I also took a semester-long engineering course. It didn’t have math or science prerequisites, lectures, or structured assignments. What it did provide was a fun self-directed opportunity to learn how to use our new CNC machine and work with (mostly fix) the 3D printers.  

Four years of English were required to graduate, so I took our required ninth and tenth-grade courses followed by an advanced expository writing course and an advanced literature course called world authors. I’ve always loved reading, but English classes and literary analysis aren’t really my thing. To read some of my reflections on writing, click here. I managed to win an English award my sophomore year which was cool as I’d never really seen English as a strong subject of mine. Granted, I didn’t like my sophomore English class as it only had seven other students who clearly didn’t want to be there and didn’t do assignments well or on time. I also took French all through high school and won awards my first and last years. I was generally more engaged with school than my peers, but French is where my peers’ lack of engagement had the most negative effect on my learning. I’m not trying to brag about any of my academic awards, but I do genuinely believe I did stand out on my own merit. When it came to French, it was more just that there wasn’t much competition. 

Social science classes were the ones I generally avoided. Knowing that I only needed three years of social science to graduate and having already doubled up on math and science, I skipped the ninth-grade social science class. As a sophomore, I took the advanced version of our sophomore social science class called democratic roots. As a junior, I took AP U.S. history as U.S. history was required to graduate. The other AP courses were of actual interest to me and this was the only one I took for the AP designation. It was one of my least favorite courses, but I defend my decision to take it as the regular version was sort of a joke at my school. Furthermore, the APUSH teacher was also the advisor for the school publication and was able to write what I presume to be a strong letter of recommendation. As a senior, I took a semester of AP art history and another semester of art history through my local community college. The AP course was entirely online through UC Scout. I didn’t finish the AP course as the community college version was free due to my state’s dual enrollment program. The community college course was also fully online and was much more limited in scope.  

I was in the jazz band from eighth through tenth grade. I played the electric bass, an instrument I picked up because they needed a bass player. Jazz isn’t my kind of music, so I never really got into it. To check out some of my favorite songs and musical history, click the respective links. I “quit” the jazz band as it conflicted with AP chemistry. The bass is an integral part of the rhythm section, but rhythm doesn’t come naturally to me and is challenging even with deliberate practice. I was used to being in all of the advanced courses but was in the intermediate jazz band with eighth and ninth graders. Additional required electives included health, financial literacy, and three semesters of physical education. The only class I did over the summer was an independent study for physical education credit. The running I did for the self-directed course probably helped earn me a spot on the varsity field hockey team. I also took a weight lifting class which I absolutely hated. 

I wasn’t planning on sharing my actual stats, as there is so much more to college admissions than raw scores or even academics. What really matters is (in terms of academics) is the rigor of your courses in the context of the high school you attend. However, if you’ve read this far, I don’t really mind sharing my actual grades and scores. I earned straight As throughout high school and had a GPA of 4.26 (unweighted on a 4.33 scale). My school didn’t officially do class rank, but I am almost positive I had the highest grade point average. I do know that at the end of my junior year I had attained the “highest level of academic achievement” which I presume takes into account courses and grades. A lot of schools have gone test-optional due to the pandemic, but it’s worth noting that Smith was already test-optional. I don’t know exactly how merit scholarships work, but I am guessing that a strong SAT/ACT score would be necessary to earn one. My SAT score was 1500 (780 math and 720 verbal). I did study a lot over the summer before senior year and improved by almost 150 points from my PSAT. I also submitted SAT subject test scores of 790 for chemistry and 770 for math level II. 

[omoi-no-hoka]

ah, I'mtrans (he/him pronouns), and was wondering which words I should use for stuff like "I, me, my"? like, boku is my right? I don't know any ohers though.

Hi! Thank you for your ask. First person pronouns (I, me, mine) can get pretty complex in Japanese, but that gives you much more freedom of expression than English. Let me give you a thorough description of each so you can make an informed decision on which one is right for you. :)

First Person Pronouns in Japanese

Who do you want to be?

In English, we only have one pronoun to express ourselves. “I.” It really doesn’t get any more boring than that. 

Maybe that’s why personal pronouns are one of the most interesting aspects of Japanese in my opinion. I actually did a research paper on the history of second-person pronouns (you) in Japanese back in uni. 

Why does Japanese have so many ways to say “I?” As I’m sure most of you know, social class and politeness is a fundamental aspect of Japanese culture and language. Different personal pronouns for oneself and others clarify the social standing of each person in the conversation. 

I’ll introduce the commonly used ones in order of politeness (most polite to least polite), and then cover the rare ones.

私 Watakushi

Gender: neutral

Plural Form: Watakushi-tachi

This is the most formal personal pronoun, and is used in very formal situations, like when you’re speaking to the president of a company or someone very important. In writing, because it has the same kanji as “watashi,” it is commonly written in hiragana.

私 Watashi

Gender: neutral (kind of)

Plural Form: Watashi-tachi, watashira

This is the most common personal pronoun.

Like the above watakushi, it conveys a sense of politeness. When used by men, it carries a note of humility and politeness.

However, it is the standard pronoun for women. Because we’re all supposed to be humble at all times? haha

So this is gender neutral and you can use it when you want to be polite.

あたし Atashi

Gender: Female

Plural form: Atashi-tachi, atashira

This is a bastardization of watashi.

It is casual and used exclusively by women. It sounds very feminine. In Japanese tv shows and anime, most male characters cross-dressing as women use “atashi” and it sounds very hyper-feminine. Like, if drag is hyper-feminine dress, “atashi” is the hyper-feminine way of speaking that would go with it. 

うち Uchi

Gender: Female

Plural: Uchira

This comes from the word 家 uchi. The kanji literally means “house,” but it can be used to mean “my family” or “us” in certain contexts. For example:

Japanese: 田中さんは自宅でどんな醤油を使っていますか？うちはやっぱりキッコーマンです。

Romaji: Tanaka-san ha jitaku de donna shouyu wo tsukatte imasu ka? Uchi ha yappari Kikkoman desu.

English: Tanaka-san, what kind of soy sauce do you use at home? We use Kikkoman.

From that use of uchi we get the personal pronoun uchi. This is generally used by young girls, college age and younger. It definitely has a very Valley Girl feel to it and isn’t professional.

僕 Boku

Gender: Mostly male, but female in certain contexts

Plural: Boku-tachi, bokura

If you want to rely on tropes to understand what sort of person would use “boku,” think of those harem anime. The nicest, sweetest guy almost always uses “boku” for himself. Contrasted with “ore,” it sounds softer, humbler, and kinder. 

It can also sound very slightly childish. Well, not childish. It sounds young. My boss’s boss, who is in his 60′s, uses boku instead of ore and it always strikes me as peculiar because he’s kinda too old to use boku. It makes him sound very humble and kind and the most approachable person ever. 

Boku is a good pronoun to use if you want to give off a soft, friendly, safe aura. While it isn’t as polite as watashi, you can still use it in formal settings. 

Occasionally, this pronoun is used by women. Specifically, it is used by female singers. It doesn’t matter the band, it doesn’t matter the song–every single female singer uses “boku” in their songs to refer to themselves. 

“Why?” you may ask. This is because singers want to connect to their listeners, and “watashi” is too formal and creates a bit of a barrier. “Atashi” and “uchi” are too feminine/childish, and “ore” is way too harsh. So “boku” became the choice for female singers. 

俺 Ore

Gender: Male

Plural: Orera, ore-tachi

Going back to anime tropes, “ore” is used by the “bad boy” or the “I don’t give a shit what you think” boy. Inuyasha, Kurosaki Ichigo (Bleach), and Eren Yeager (Attack on Titan) all use “ore.” This is in contrast to “nicer” characters in the shows that use “boku,” like Miroku (Inuyasha), Ishida Uryuu (Bleach), and Armin Arlert (Attack on Titan). 

Ore is considered “rough and tough” because it is very informal. It is used when the people you are talking to are within your inner circle or are beneath you. So you would never use it when talking to, say, your boss’s boss. (You might be able to use it with your boss if you are close with him and you have a friendship though.) 

That said, the vast majority of Japanese men I know use ore more than boku. So it wouldn’t be strange if you used ore. Just be aware that it isn’t as polite as you may want to be. 

And now for the rare pronouns…

Disclaimer: DON’T USE THESE. Japanese people will think you’re super weird and not in a good way. But you are likely to hear them in anime, dramas, or conversations.

👆 Me outside your door if you use “sessha” to refer to yourself unironically

拙者 Sessha

Literally “Unskilled one,” this is a very humble way to refer to yourself. It was commonly used by samurai, and probably the most famous anime character that uses it is Kenshin from Ruroni Kenshin. DO. NOT. USE. IT. unless you are jokingly pretending to be a samurai for like one sentence. 

吾輩 Wagahai

Though no longer in common usage, there isn’t a Japanese person that isn’t aware of this pronoun because of Natsume Soseki’s famous book Wagahai ha Neko de Aru (I Am a Cat). Written in 1905, it’s about a cat who observes its owners and the uneasy mix of Western culture and Japanese traditions and the aping of Western customs.

“Wagahai” is the pronoun a nobleman or someone of very high rank would use to refer to himself, so the fact that a common house cat is using it to refer it self shows that, even a hundred years ago, everyone thought that cats were self-important. 

我 Ware

Plural: 我々 Wareware, 我ら Warera

To be honest, I don’t know a lot about this one. You hear it quite a bit in anime, and it’s always said by some stuffy important old guy. So…it’s probably for stuffy, old, important men to use? Just don’t use it. 

己 Ora

Used exclusively by men, the only somewhat main character I’ve seen use this pronoun is King from Seven Deadly Sins. In manga, it is usually written in hiragana or katakana. It has a very “country bumpkin” feel to it. A simple country person who doesn’t know the ways of the world (but not in a bad way). 

俺様 Oresama

DO NOT USE THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. It is the rudest personal pronoun “ore” with the honorific “sama” attached to it.There is nothing ruder, nothing more “you are the dirt I walk upon” than this. If you use this and you’re not joking, the Japanese people around you will instantly dislike you. 

儂 Washi

Usually written in hiragana or katakana, “washi” is the way that old people refer to themselves. It’s gender-neutral. Like…idk, 60 and upwards? So don’t use this unless you fall into that age range. 

某 Soregashi

I think I’ve only seen this once, used by a character in Rurouni Kenshin who was quickly killed. It was used by samurai. So unless YOU are a samurai from 150 years ago, don’t use it. It’s so low frequency that if you used it as a joke I doubt Japanese people would understand. But hey. You learned a cool new word. 

The End!

I hope that this post helps you choose the pronoun that fits you best. ♡

[amoderndreamletdown]

All We’re After- Chapter 1

So I started writing a Julie and the Phantoms prequel fic about Sunset Curve set in the ‘90s back in November, and I never posted it anywhere. So, I figured why not post the first chapter on Tumblr to see what you guys think. 

  Tick. Tick. Tick. 

  Alex listened to the sound of the clock in his chemistry class as he completed the test in front of him. He couldn’t focus, and his hands shook as he wrote the answers on his test booklet, and he found himself tapping his pencil on his table. This earned a lot of stares from his classmates, and a lot of shushing from his teacher. 

  “You okay, Alex?” Whispered Alex’s best friend, Luke. 

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” Alex lied, blushing as he made eye contact with Luke. 

  “Okay,” Luke said, turning back to his test. 

  Alex followed Luke’s lead and continued on his test. He barely paid attention to what he was doing and instead just focused on the clock. He willed the clock to go slower or to stop completely, but he knew that wasn’t possible. 

  Alex watched as the minutes ticked by and more and more of his classmates got up to turn in their tests. This only made more anxious, especially after Luke turned in his test before him. 

  “How are you done already?” Alex whispered to Luke as he sat back down. 

  Luke shrugged. “Most of the class is. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  Alex nodded. “Yeah.”

  Alex went back to his test and started scribbling in answers. He doubted they were right, but he couldn’t focus anymore. All he could think about was what he’d say to his band mates after school, and what they’d say back. He hoped it wouldn’t be too brutal, and that he’d still have band mates after what he was going to say. 

  He finished his test just as the bell rang, announcing the end of class. It startled him so much that he fell out of his seat. 

  “Wow,” Luke said, rushing to help Alex get up. 

  “Thanks,” Alex told him, his cheeks red from embarrassment and from him looking at Luke. God, why Luke, why couldn’t it have been some other guy in his class? Why did it have to be his best friend?

  “Are you hurt?” Luke asked him. 

  “My dignity is,” Alex replied. 

  Luke smiled. “Trust me, no one saw, they were too busy running out of class.”

  Alex smiled. “Thanks, Luke.”

  “No problem,” Luke told Alex. “Now, c’mon, Bobby’s gonna drive us to his house for band practice.”

  Alex nodded. “Okay. Let me just turn in this test and get some things from my locker. I’ll meet you outside.”

  Luke nodded. “Okay.”

  Alex turned in his test and then split up with Luke to go to his own locker. His heart hammered as he walked. He couldn’t believe he was going to admit something to his friends that he had kept bottled up inside him since he was thirteen. He was almost seventeen now, but he had had a hard time even admitting the truth to himself much less anyone else. 

  Alex opened his locker and shoved his textbooks and drumsticks into his backpack as quickly as he could. He needed to stop thinking about what would take place in the next few hours, but it was almost impossible. Every time he tries to think of something else, his mind would wander back to the future conversation he had been stressing about all day. 

  Alex finally closed his locker and made his way to the front of the school. His hands shook as he got closer to the parking lot. He recited what he was going to say over and over in his head. He finally snapped out of his daze when a voice called his name. 

  “Hey, Alex!” Luke called, holding his guitar, and standing next to Reggie and Bobby. 

  “Hey, guys,” Alex said, walking over to his friends.  

  “You’re late,” Bobby joked. 

  “Sorry,” Alex apologized. “It’s been a long day.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Bobby told Alex. 

  “Ready for practice?” Reggie asked the group. 

  Alex nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”

  A few minutes later and Alex, Luke, Reggie, Bobby, and their instruments were all piled into Bobby’s semi-old beat up Chevy. It had been a gift from Bobby’s dad when he turned sixteen, and he had been driving it ever since. 

  “What do you guys wanna listen to?” Reggie asked the group, pulling out CDs from Bobby’s glove box. Some drivers might’ve seen it as disrespectful if their passenger dug around in their glove box, but Bobby didn’t mind. In fact, he encouraged the guys to add their favorite CDs to the glovebox so that they could discover new music, and jam out to their favorites. 

  “Green Day?” Alex spoke up. Normally, he wouldn’t suggest the music they listen to unless he was asked, but Green Day always made him feel less anxious, and he really needed that right now. 

  “Okay,” Luke said. “I can rock to that.”

  “Me too,” Bobby agreed. 

  “Green Day it is,” Reggie said, and put in the CD. 

  The first song came on and the friends all sung along and rocked out to the first song. It helped calm Alex’s nerves a bit, but not completely. He tapped his foot nervously. He couldn’t believe it was almost time for him to say something he had been dreading for years until, finally, they reached Bobby’s house. 

  Alex took a deep breath and got out of Bobby’s car. He was building up the courage for what he wanted to say, but he knew he couldn’t tell them right away. He wanted at least one more normal band practice just in case he was kicked out or shunned. 

  “Ya coming, Alex?” Luke asked him, and Alex realized that he had been standing in the same spot for about a minute. 

  “Yeah, sorry, just thinking,” Alex said. 

  “About what?” Luke asked. 

  “Nothing important,” Alex lied. “Let’s go practice.”

  Band practice lasted about five hours before they finally decided to take a break to eat. Bobby decided to order pizza since his parents were out of town for the weekend, and none of the band could cook. However, they still ate in the garage despite having the whole place to themselves. They all agreed it made more sense as the garage was basically their safe haven. 

  “That rehearsal was great!” Luke exclaimed, clearly proud. “I’m glad we were able to learn the new songs so fast.”

  “Yeah,” Alex agreed. 

  “Would’ve been better if you let me make Crooked Teeth country,” Reggie mumbled. 

  “Crooked Teeth is not a country song,” Luke protested. “It’s clearly rock.”

  “We could’ve experimented with it,” Reggie said. 

  “You’re not gonna crack him, Reg,” Bobby told him. 

  “Hmph,” Reggie said in defeat. 

  “Anyway,” Luke said, looking from Reggie to Alex. “What’s wrong?”

  “What? Nothing,” Alex lied, trying to play it cool. 

  “I know that face,” Luke said. “What’s up?”

  Alex sighed. “I have something to tell you guys, but I don’t know if I can,” he admitted. 

  “You can tell us anything,” Luke assured Alex. 

  “Yeah, we’re here for you, man,” Reggie added. 

  “Yeah, whatever you have to say, you can say to us,” Bobby said. “Nothing leaves this garage.”

  Alex smiled. “Promise?”

  “Promise,” all three boys said at the same time. 

  Alex took a deep breath. “I really don’t know how to say this, and I’ve been wanted to tell you for years now, but I never found the right time, and, well, I could barely tell myself the truth, and I know if I don’t say it now I never will and-“

  “Alex, you’re rambling,” Luke told him. 

  “Right, sorry,” Alex took a deep breath. “What I’m trying to tell you is, well, that, I’m, well, I’m gay.”

  Alex held his breath. At first, no one said anything. Alex was just about to get his drumsticks and leave, sure he wasn’t wanted when Reggie came over and hugged him. 

  “Wha-“ Alex started, but before he could finish, Luke and Bobby joined the hug. “You’re not mad?” Alex asked. 

  “Of course we’re not,” Bobby said.  

  “Yeah, we support you no matter what,” Luke added. 

  “You really thought we’d be mad?” Reggie asked. 

  “Well, yeah, I mean it’s not exactly the most accepted thing ever,” Alex told his friends. 

  “Well, we���re not like that,” Bobby said. 

  “Yeah,” Luke agreed. “You’re still the same Alex.”

  Reggie nodded. 

  Alex smiled. “Thanks guys, but, um, would you mind not letting this leave this room. I mean you’re the first people I’ve told, my parents don’t even know.”

  “Of course, man,” Reggie said. 

  “Yeah, nothing leaves this room,” Luke agreed. 

  “Yeah, don’t worry about it,” Bobby added. 

  “Thanks,” Alex said. He felt happy. For one of the first times in his life, he felt calm and relaxed. He actually felt good, and realized he made the right decision telling his friends. 

  “So, did you guys hear about what happened in Ms. Wilson’s class?” Luke asked the group. 

  “No,” Bobby said. “What happened?”

  “Brandon Cooper and Tyler Jameson got into a huge fight over Susan McClan!” Luke exclaimed. 

  “Seriously?” Alex asked. 

  “Yeah,” Luke smiled. “It was pretty hilarious.”

  “Who won?” Reggie asked. 

  “Neither. Susan rejected both of them right after the fight,” Luke said. “It was awesome!”

  Bobby left. “That sucks.”

  “Yeah,” Alex said. “They didn’t even get the girl in the end.”

  Luke smiled. “Yeah.”

  “How did I not hear about that?” Reggie asked. 

  “Because you’re in AP classes,” Luke said. “You were probably on the other side of the school, and the only one of us you have classes with besides music is Alex.”

  “Just English,” Alex said.

  “That’s still one more than the rest of us,” Luke joked. 

  Reggie smiled. “You’re not wrong.”

  Although Reggie wasn’t exactly the brightest in the real world, he was extremely smart when it came to school things. Of course, Reggie had done some incredibly dumb thing, and Alex had often wondered how he wasn’t dead yet, but none of the school knew that side of him, they really thought he was the smartest person in the school. 

  The friends talked for hours until they decided it was probably best to go to bed. 

  “I call the couch!” Luke exclaimed.

  Reggie sighed. “How come you always get the couch?”

  “Because I’m more likable,” Luke joked. 

  Reggie smiled. “Sure,” he said. 

  “It’s fine,” Bobby said. “The beanbags are set up in the loft, we can just sleep on those.”

 “Okay,” Alex said. 

  Alex and Bobby went up to the loft while Reggie stayed behind to get the teddy bear he carried with him from his backpack. Reggie had told them it was a gift from his parents before they started fighting all the time. He had kept it and used it as a comfort object to drown out the sound of his parents yelling. 

  Alex picked a pink beanbag to sleep on while Bobby picked a black one. Reggie came up on the loft later and slept on a red beanbag. 

  “Night guys!” Luke called from the couch. 

  “Night,” Alex responded. 

  “Goodnight,” Bobby said. 

  “Goodnight, Couch thief,” Reggie joked. 

  Alex smiled and looked up at the ceiling. He slowly drifted off to sleep.

[13-reasons-ideas]

Can’t Go Back Part 6

I woke up early the next morning so I could take my time getting ready and get some notes done before leaving. I slipped on my soft bunny slippers and quietly made my way downstairs.

“Morning Addison.” My dad said from the island. I jumped, not expecting him to be up this early on a Saturday.

“Jesus.” I muttered under my breath, “morning Dad.”

“You got in pretty late last night.”

“Yeah, had to wrangle Justin into the car and take him home.”

“Uh huh.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed myself a cup of tea before going back upstairs. I waved to my mom as she left the master bedroom and closed my door tightly. “How was your night last night Addison? It was good, thanks for asking dad.” I muttered to myself as I drank my tea and jotted some ideas down in my notebook.

Around ten thirty I decided it was time to start getting ready. I grabbed my panda shower cap and took a quick shower before putting on my black raspberry vanilla lotion. It was time for the real work to begin now. I stood in front of my closet and flipped through the options I had. I pulled out a few cardigan options and a few more casual dresses and paired them together on hangers before holding each option up to my body. The first option was a black cardigan and a red dress. “No, that’s too dark for a daytime coffee date.” Next up was a yellow dress with a cream cardigan. “Too bright. This cardigan is nice though….” Finally, I settled on a light denim blue dress sleeveless dress, with buttons down the middle. It hit my mid-thigh respectably and I paired it with the cream cardigan from before. Time for jewelry. Picking out a rose gold necklace with a circle pendant, my rose gold arrow bracelet, and my floral print watch band, it was time to tackle my hair and makeup. I went with a simple half up half down bun and left my second day waves mostly untouched. I did, however, fix the few curls that had completely fallen out and brushed them out with my fingers after they cooled slightly. I kept my makeup light and minimal, just some tinted moisturizer and a couple dots of concealer under my eyes set with powder, simple eyeshadow and brow powder, a thin line of brown liquid liner, nude blush, and a ‘my lips but better’ pink lipstick topped with nude gloss. Nothing too crazy, just enough to look put together. “Now to pick a pair of shoes… hmm. Let’s see. Sneakers?” I picked up my old pair of Converse. They were in less than ideal condition, especially for a first date. “Not sneakers. Flats?” I grabbed a couple of pairs but none of them really went. “No. Plus I’m short. These just make me look shorter. Maybe a pair of booties?” I pulled a pair of grey heels off the shelf, but they didn’t quite match well enough, “close, but no cigar.” I dug around in my closet for a couple of minutes, searching for the nude pair of the same shoes. “Ah ha. Found them.”

Setting the shoes by my bedroom door, I checked my watch. It was just after noon. I went downstairs to grab an apple from the kitchen. “Well don’t you look nice.” My mom mused, softly from her seat on the couch. She appeared to be grading papers and didn’t really look up. Teacher eyes. Dad was sitting opposite her reading the new issue of The Economist.

“Oh yeah, I’m just going to Monet’s for coffee with a friend from school. I have to leave soon.” After our short exchange, I zipped back upstairs to gather my things. I took a second to decide if I should bring my notebook. Never know when inspiration will hit. At the last second, I threw it into my bag, along with my favourite pen and slipped my shoes on. “I’m leaving now.” I called to my parents as I walked out the door.

“Have fun at the mall sweetie.” Dad mumbled after me, not even looking up from his magazine.

I arrived at Monet’s at five minutes to one and Monty was already there, waiting for me. The white shirt and red flannel he was wearing did wonders for his arms and toned chest. I tore my eyes away and mentally wiped away the drool, hoping it wasn’t too obvious I was staring. Looking up, I smiled at him and waved at him, my accent glitter pink nail polish catching the light. He waved back and I started towards him. “You look amazing.” He said, taking me in.

“You look good too. Not at all hungover.” I replied, looking down shyly, even after my quip and our public kiss the night before.

“What can I say, a cup of coffee and a shower work wonders.” He joked. It was slightly awkward while we waited in line. We hadn’t really talked much outside of classes, so we weren’t sure where to start.

“Do you want to share a slice of cake?” Monty asked.

“Sure. Anything but carrot.”

“Chocolate?”

“Delicious. The best kind of cake.”

“I agree.”

It was our turn and we did the totally cliché thing of starting at the same time. “What can I get you?” The barista asked.

“Can I get a-.”

“May I have-.”

Monty turned to me, “you first.”

“May I have a non-fat latte with a cinnamon stick please?”

“Sure thing. Did you want a syrup at all?”

“No thank you. Just a plain latte and a stick of cinnamon.” She typed in my request and turned her attention to Monty.

“And yourself?”

“I’ll just have a black dark roast. And a slice of chocolate cake with two forks.”

“Coming right up.” She replied, smiling as she typed in the order and Monty paid her. I scouted a table near the back and pointed it out to my date. He nodded at me motioned for me to go over.

“I’ve got this.” I nodded and made my way over. To pass the time I pulled out my notebook and doodled a bit, waiting for either him to come over or inspiration to hit. It wasn’t long before he followed and sat down.

“One non-fat cinnamon sticked latte for the lady.” He flourished, sliding the cup over to me. I smiled and blushed, before noticing he was trying to sneak a peek at my notebook. I shut it quickly and slipped it into my bag. He chuckled.

“Secret diary Addison?” At least we have moved past awkwardly stating facts. I stirred my latte as he watched me, waiting for a response.

“No, not secret. Just private.”

“So private you brought it on a date?”

“I don’t leave the house without it. And we never explicitly said this was a date.” I smirked.

“Well I’m saying it now. It’s a date.”

“Alright then. We have established that, so does this mean we can break into the cake now?” I asked, picking up my fork.

He laughed and his eyes shone under the soft lighting. “I thought you’d never ask. I didn’t want to be rude.” Picking up his fork, he urged me to take the first bite. It was wonderful. Perfectly moist and not too dense. Just the right cake to icing ratio, the chocolate not overpowering. I could feel my pupils dilate and watched Montgomery smirk. “Good?”

“Yes. Taste it.” He eagerly took a bite and I watched as his eyes widened and he sucked in a breath. He took the time to really savour the bite. When he was done, he looked at me, a sated look on his face.

“That was the best bite of cake I have ever had.” He whispered, as though speaking at a normal volume would ruin the moment. “I know right?” I whispered back.

“Do we take another bite?”

“I think so. Together?”

“On three.”

I nodded. “One.”

“Two.”

“Three.” We said together, sticking our forks in the chocolate deliciousness, and biting at the same time. It was still great the second time around. After another bite each, we set the cake aside. I blew on my still hot latte and took a tentative sip. Monty was looking at me intently when I put my cup down.

“What?” I asked, my brow furrowing slightly.

“You have a little….” He motioned to his face. I did the same, apparently missing whatever was marring my face. “Here.” He reached over, swiping his thumb just above my lip, showing me the bit of icing before licking it off in a way that was somehow not gross, but rather, incredibly attractive. He took a drink from his cup and continued, “I’m surprised you didn’t bring a novel with you Addy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I hardly ever see you without your nose in a book or with a book in hand.”

“I do other things you know.”

“Mhmm. I’ve heard Justin talk about you in the locker room.”

“He talks about me?”

“Sometimes. Nothing bad I don’t think. I don’t really pay much attention to him if I’m being honest.”

“Huh. Okay. Well, I do. Other things I mean. And a lot of the time what I’m reading is for AP English Lit.”

“Like what?” He asked, sounding genuinely interested. He even sat up more and leaned closer to me. Wow. He actually seems to want to know.

“I like to cook. I like photography and designing photo albums. I’ve also been thinking of taking up knitting.”

“Busy girl then. Knitting? Think I could get a scarf sometime?”

“In California?”

“Maybe I’ll go somewhere it gets cold someday, who knows?”

“What about you? I mean, I know you’re an athlete. But what about when you’re not on the field or practicing? What do you like to do, just for fun?”

“I guess that is my hobby. Being an athlete is kind of what I do.”

“Oh come on. You have to have a hobby. Everyone has a hobby.”

“Would you judge me if I said video games?”

“Monty. I’m friends with Alex Standall. Video games are like… almost exclusively how he spends his time when he’s not with Jess or Hannah.”

“That’s fair. No judgement then?”

“Not from me.” I smiled. We chatted about mindless things for a while, like favourites and things we didn’t like. It was nice. We made our way through our drinks and our cake while we talked.

“Did you want another coffee?” I asked him.

“Sure.” He replied, reaching for his wallet.

“No, no. My turn. Snack?”

“If they have a lemon bar, that would be nice.” He replied, reluctantly putting his wallet away. Why do guy’s jeans get such big pockets? It really isn’t fair.

“I’ll be right back.” I said, grabbing my wallet. I ordered for us and got myself a cinnamon twist. I gave him a thumbs up when I caught his eye.

Once back at the table, I began picking apart my cinnamon twist.

“Is cinnamon a favourite then?”

“No, I would call it more of a like than a favourite.”

“Let me guess, vanilla?”

“No. Guess again?”

“Lemon?”

“Nope. Good, but no.”

“Some kind of berry?”

“Not even close. My favourite flavour is mint.”

“Cold and spicy. Would not have pinned you for cold and spicy.”

“More allspice?”

“Definitely what I would have guessed.”

“My turn?”

“Please.”

“Hmmm… black dark roast coffee, chocolate, lemon….” I thought out loud, “I would say vanilla, but you don’t seem like the type to do vanilla.” I left the connotation and innuendo without further comment. He didn’t comment on it either. I thought for a few minutes. He watched me think as we sipped our fresh coffees. “Cardamom.” I said finally. He blinked at me in surprise.

“That’s right. How did you guess?”

“It’s complex. It has layers.”

“And you think I have layers?”

“Yes. You’re complex. Interesting.” We didn’t tread further on the topic. Not first date discussion.

“What do you want to do?” He asked.

“Like, this afternoon? Or are you asking big picture?”

“Big picture but both is good.”

“This afternoon? Laundry and homework that I couldn’t do last night.”

“You want to do that?”

“It gets it done so I can enjoy Sunday doing nothing.”

“Alright, that makes sense. Big picture?”

I looked down into my latte, suddenly very shy. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”

“I highly doubt that Addy.” He replied, reaching across the table to take my hand. I felt a jolt in my arm but resisted the urge to look up.

“I want to be a writer.” I spoke quietly. I wasn’t sure if he heard me, too busy waiting for the laughter that was sure to come. When it didn’t, I looked up. “You’re not laughing.”

“Was I supposed to?”

“I don’t know.” I said, lamely.

“What kind of writer do you want to be?”

“I want to be an author. I want to write novels.”

“Why would I think that’s stupid?” he asked, confused.

“Because everyone else does?”

“I don’t.”

“That makes one, maybe two people who aren’t me who feel that way.”

“Two?”

“Justin. I think he only said it’s not because he is my best friend though.”

“What about your parents?”

I laughed. “My parents think I’m joking. ‘You can’t pay bills with books Addison.’”

“I think there are plenty of authors who make fairly decent livings actually.”

“I know. But my parents… my dad has an MBA from Stanford. My mom has a PhD in History from UCLA and is a tenured professor at Berkeley. Writing novels isn’t in the cards for me.”

He seemed to come to a realization then. “Your private notebook?”

“Never know when inspiration will hit.” I smiled.

“I thought it was a different kind of private.” He wiggled his brows.

“Only sometimes. Have to be in a certain headspace for it to be that kind of private.”

His eyes widened, “Addison Hawthorne!”

“What? It’s not like it’s wrong. It’s fun sometimes.”

“If you say so. But honestly. I don’t think it’s stupid.”

“What about you?” I asked, taking a bite of my cinnamon twist. Not going to dip it in my coffee on a first date. Weird food things are a fourth date thing.

“I mean, the dream is pro sports. I haven’t really thought about a fallback yet.  I will have one of course. I’ll go to school for something, I just haven’t decided yet.”

“Would you choose football or baseball?”

“Probably football. I like it more. I mean, I love baseball too. It’s just not something I see myself doing for the entirety of my professional career.”

“That makes sense. I think if I had to choose another career, I would probably choose something to do with public policy. Ole Miss has an amazing public policy leadership degree and it’s interdisciplinary so my parents would only be able to complain about the school.”

“Your parents would complain if you got in to Ole Miss?”

“Yes. Not as much as they would complain about NYU though. Dad might actually keel over if I went there.” Monty tried really hard not to laugh but couldn’t help it. “I know. They just want me to go where they think I should go. If dad had his way, I would be shipped off to England for business at Oxford or something.”

“Oh, I can see you loving that.”

“Yes, it would be fantastic.” I said, sarcastically. I didn’t know whether to ask about his parents and their thoughts on his future. I also hadn’t expected him to have anything figured out past high school, we are only sophomores after all. I was slowly growing uncomfortable with the line of questioning. Thankfully, he changed the subject to something more manageable.

“Are you really as picky about pens as Justin bitches about in the locker room?”

“He talks about me?”

“Yeah. Usually only good things, I can assure you. Pens though. That he complains about. I think it’s all in good fun, but pens and some of your other quirks can get him going.”

“Huh. Interesting. He talks about you too by the way. Less nice though.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. But about these pens?”

“I guess you could say I’m picky. I like gel pens and they have to be medium point. If I use a liquid ink pen, then it has to be a fine point.”

“He said something about colours.”

“Yes, I use coloured pens for notes. Each class is a different colour.” He looked at me funny, “it’s a girl thing.” I explained.

“I see. He said you only like black bic pens?”

“That’s right. I didn’t realize you listened to him that much.”

“I don’t usually….”

“Usually?”

“When he’s talking about the girl I like, then yeah. I listen a little more.”

I blushed again, while I sipped my coffee, watching him over the rim of my glass. He admitted he likes you. “Does Justin really talk about me?”

“Yeah, mostly to bitch about you being an asshole. He does acknowledge that you aren’t bad at sports.”

“Not bad?”

“That’s as big of a compliment as you’ll get from Justin.”

“Not surprised. You listen to him talk about me?”

“Well. Uh. Yes?”

“Often?”

“It’s not like he can complain to Bryce about you.” I redirected.

“Right. Because he can’t complain to Bryce. That the only reason Addison?”

“I don’t know Montgomery. I guess you’ll just have to figure that out on our next date.” I was taken aback by my own forwardness. Where did that come from? Monty’s brow raised. Oh no. There isn’t going to be another date. He probably just did this to have something to joke about with the guys later. I just made a complete idiot of myself.

“I thought it was my turn to ask you on a date.”

“Oh.” I said. “Okay. I take it back then?”

“Nah, it’s okay. Next time I’ll ask you.”

“O-okay.” I stuttered, my blush returning once again. “Did you want to go get ice cream or something next week?”

“Wednesday? 4:30?”

“That works for me.” I told him, smiling.

“It’s a date.” We stood and before parting ways, he leaned down and kissed me softly. I smiled at him as we left the café, careful to not leave together. I replayed the kiss in my mind the whole way home.

[baroquebucky]

chemistry

part 4

A/N: omg you guys i am SO sorry this is so late :-( I’ve been so busy lately i haven’t had time to finish writing this chapter, sorry if it’s a little shorter than the rest. I don’t know when I’ll upload the next part but send in some questions or requests! Love u guys <33333333

part 3

It was Monday. You sat across from peter, looking intently at the screen and sharply back to the book you were reading in class. You knew he was with mj, he walked her to class. You weren’t going to let yourself be led on by him any longer.

——

“dude just ask her if she likes you! She’s came to every one of the home games and she watched you march every single time she obviously likes you” Ned spoke. Peter looked at you, a small smile on your face and ignoring the football game in front of you.

“what about mj?” Ned rolled his eyes. “You don’t even like her anymore, all she does is leave you and hang out with her friends.” Peter glanced at mj, they were broken up for right now, taking a small break so peter could get his head straight.

Without thinking Peter walked down the bleachers and next to mj, smiling at her and sitting down.

“hey babe” mj smiled before turning back to her friends. Peter muttered a small hi before putting his arm around her.

Maybe if they tried just one more time it would work out. So he sat with her the whole time, laughing and smiling at her jokes. But he didn’t feel what he felt with you, the spark if you will.

When saturday rolled around and they had a competition he didn’t want to break up with mj, he assured himself that his feelings would come back after spending enough time with her.

Then he got your text, he was on the bus, getting the goody bags from the band parents and giving his good snacks to mj in return for her bad ones.

He panicked, at the contents of the message. He was with mj, he couldn’t just say “i like you too :)” that’s just gross, he had to figure things out first.

After being ignored for the hours on end they were on the bus and on the field and bleachers peter knew he would break up with her.

He’d make sure he was done with mj, then he’d go and get you.

——

Peter walked with mj after rehearsal that Monday morning.

“mj can’t we talk?” He asked softly, tugging on the edge of his hoodies sleeves, mj nodded and leaned against the lockers.

“listen, you’re great and everything i just- i don’t feel the same anymore. I don’t wanna date you anymore, i don’t feel anything and i feel like we’re together just to say we aren’t single. i don’t think we’re gonna work out” he spoke out, palms sweaty as he spoke and waiting for her reaction.

Mj smiled at him and pulled him in for a hug. “I know, i felt the same but i felt too bad if i broke up with you” she spoke, peter let out a breath and smiled at her.

“so we’re done yeah? no hatred?” Peter asked and smiled at her as mj nodded, saying goodbye and walking into class.

He turned on his heel, a smile on his face as he walked to class. He finally knew where he stood. He was single for sure this time.

He walked into AP Lang smiling at you, but you didn’t even spare him a glance, ignoring him the entire class. He tossed you a crumpled up paper, a joke and a compliment.

You saw the paper next to your foot. You picked it up and walked straight to the recycling bin, tossing it in while holding eye contact with the curly haired boy.

You heard the paper ‘thump’ at the bottom of the bin. Your heart racing as peter looked at you, pain evident in his eyes.

Walking back to your seat and continuing to read the book at hand you stated at the page blankly, wanting nothing more than to read the paper peter gave you and continue to pass notes the whole class, getting nothing done and having too much homework.

The bell rang and peter watched you walk out of class, not giving him even a second of your time. He really messed up, god high school was messy.

You sat across Esmeralda at lunch you were quiet, picking at your before she spoke up.

“I’m friends with one of peters friends, Ned” you nodded for her to continue. “Well he telling me that peter didn’t like mj anymore, and that he was gonna break up with her for another girl” she spoke with a small smile.

“really?” You asked, looking at her as a smile broke onto her face.

“yeah i mean these past few weeks I’ve gotten to get to know him and talk to him during rehearsal i think we really connected and” she stopped herself, looking at you warily.

“what is it?” You asked, furrowing your eyebrows and moving your head a little.

“and i like him too now.” You felt your heart stop. Is this some kind of sick joke? High school sucks.

“oh” you let out, shock laced in the one small word, you didn’t know how to feel.

“i know I’m sorry it’s just hes so cute and so funny and he’s fucking hot” she blushed drinking some of her water. You clenched your fist under the table, wanting nothing more than to punch her because, hey thats my crush, get in your lane.

“it’s fine” you spoke, forcing a smile before stuffing your face with food so you weren’t clenching your jaw about to fight the girl in front of you.

Thankfully lunch ended quickly and you walked back to pre cal, checking your phone quickly. One text from peter.

are you mad at me?

You decided to not open it, sliding your phone into the back pocket of your jeans and resuming your work.

Soon you were down the hall of your chemistry class. You walked slowly, not wanting to confront peter and his puppy eyes just yet.

“y/n!” You heard peter behind you and you widened your eyes. You picked up the pace quickly managing to get into the class and in your seat before peter could catch up to you. You had a few seconds to think of what to say.

“hey man” peter spoke, looking at you as he sat in his desk. You smiled at him and looked back down at your bag, looking for your notebook.

The teacher handed out two worksheets and began to put on the slideshow for the notes today.

“are you mad at me?” Peter whispered from beside you, the teacher still explaining how to do some stuff with chemicals.

“no” you spoke, not looking at him and continuing to take notes.

“then what is it? is it because of mj?” he asked and you stopped writing for a split second before continuing.

“no” you spoke, trying to keep your usual tone.

“just let me explain what happened” he spoke. You looked at him with a scowl on your face.

“peter just drop it” You hissed.

“Ms Parks and Mr Parker is there something you’d like to share?” She spoke and the whole class looked at you, sami laughing quietly at your red face and Ned biting his lip to stifle his laughter.

“no ma’am sorry” you spoke softly, looking back down at your notebook and writing quickly. Peter heard your increased heart rate and saw the slight shake in your hands. You hated getting in trouble.

“sorry i was just asking about what you said i didn’t see the last sentence of the slide” peter covered giving her a sweet smile before she continued.

He stayed quiet for the rest of the period.

When the bell rang and peter watched you walk out with sami he slumped in his desk before heading out with Ned.

“I messed up badly dude” he groaned walking to band with his best friend.

“she won’t talk to you?” Ned quiestioned and peter nodded.

“just give her time, she’ll get over it” Ned shrugged and peter let out a sigh. That was the only option he had huh.

As the week passed you and peter got back into the groove of things, whispering in class and passing notes to each other. You kept every doodle he gave you. And he kept every doodle you gave him.

Peter didn’t expect to see you at the football game that Friday. But there you were, sitting on the bleachers with your friend Genesis from math class, laughing at something she had said.

You looked like the most beautiful girl peter had ever seen. A jean jacket over a black hoodie with some slightly ripped skinny jeans. The stadium lights made you look gorgeous, peter smiled at the sight of you.

Your eyes quickly found him and you gave him a small smile before waving at him. He waved back quickly, blushing as you turned back around.

At halftime peter was down on the track, getting his shako and his plume to get ready to march. He searched for you in the bleachers and shot you a smile. You waved at him and gave him a thumbs up.

Peter marched beautifully, you could tell why the band directors liked him so much, nailing his every step and owning his solo.

When he was back on the bleachers you gave him two thumbs up, mouthing to him how great he did. He pointed down and you nodded, telling genesis you’d be back in a bit before heading under the bleachers.

you stood there looking for peter before you saw him walking with one of his band friends.

Once he spotted you he walked quickly towards you and you smiled.

“hey” he spoke, slightly red and out of breath from marching.

“you did so good!” You cheered, wrapping your arms around him before you could stop yourself, peter didn’t hesistate to hug you back, holding you close and hearing your heart beat clearer than ever.

“thank you” he blushed, his friend gone to use the restrooms.

“i have to go in a bit, i have some stuff i have to turn in for English since someone always distracts me” you smiled and looked at peter accusingly. He smirked at you and you nudged him.

“you wouldn’t trade it for the world he smiled and you rolled your eyes.

“no i wouldn’t Parker” Peter smiled at you before seeing his friend motion for the two of them to head back up.

“I’ll text you yeah?” He spoke, walking backwards slowly with a smile on his face.

“yeah” you spoke, biting your lip to hide the smile itching to break onto your face.

“okay” he spoke before turning around and jogging to catch up to his friend.

You felt your face flushed and went to go get some water, you felt like you were burning up even in the cold.

You said goodbye to genesis and headed home, finishing the work due at midnight just in time at 11:39 pm.

You closed your eyes and let out a small sigh, happy that you had the whole weekend to relax. The light from your phone lit up your dark room. You rolled over to check it, the bright light blinding you for a second.

from peter:

I’m home i hope you finished your work you scholar :P

You smiled at his text, remembering what Esmeralda had told you. He liked another girl. Was it you?

I am an AP scholar actually so shut your mouth >:)

You smiled as peter replied quickly,

so am i, your point is?

You and peter talked for hours, sending each other texts and memes until 2 am.

i have a competition tomorrow hehe i should probably sleep

oh my gOD I KEPT YOU UP ALL NIGHT AND YOU DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING PETER KSJXJXBSJ

I didn’t wanna end the conversation :(

whatever you dork goodnight and good luck tomorrow <3

Peter blushed at the heart you had sent him, his own heart racing at the sight of it and his face hurt from smiling even harder than before. His hands shook slightly from how nervous he was.

goodnight :) <3

You locked your phone and tried to stop yourself from smiling, your cheeks hurt way too much but even your best attempts couldn’t wipe away your smile. You closed your eyes and let out a happy sigh, maybe high school wasn’t so bad.

Peter woke up reluctantly at 5 am, throwing himself out of bed and giving a small wave to Aunt May as a good morning before eating the breakfast she had made for him.

“You look so tired pete! did the internship keep you up again?” She asked concerned, ready to fight tony stark if it meant her poor nephew could get some sleep in.

“no” peter spoke, a small smile played on his lips as he remembered the night before and texting you all night. “I was talking to this girl” he smiled as May’s mouth opened a little.

“wow okay, she must mean a lot if it means not sleeping before a band competition” peter groaned and cringed slightly at her words.

“that makes me sound like such a loser may! I’m not a loser, right?” His eyes widened a bit as May laughed at him, getting the car keys and rushing him out.

You woke up as the alarm you had set went off. You quickly turned it off and went to text peter.

good luck today !! you got this in the bag and make that field your bitch >:)

You sent the text and your eyelids grew heavy once again and sleep soon overtook you.

Arriving at school peter checked his phone as he received your message, his cheeks heating up and ears turning a shade of pink. He smiled and replied quickly.

thank you :)

Peter rushed into the band hall, going to find his uniform and matching shoes and rushing right back out to go change.

“you are awfully giddy this morning” Ned spoke from beside peter and he helped him with his zipper.

“y/n texted me this morning, she woke up just to message me” he smiled and Ned’s mouth flew open.

“oh my god she is totally into you dude!” He spoke hitting him roughly on the shoulder. Peter stumbled and bumped into the wall, being caught off guard since he was too busy wondering what you looked like when you woke up.

“i mean i don’t know Ned” peter mumbled, grabbing his clothes and walking back to the band hall with Ned. He rolled his eyes at his best friend and sighed.

“you’re so bling peter she goes to football games just to watch you march, she woke up to text you good luck and you both have so many inside jokes and make each other blush all the time” Ned shrugged his shoulders and left to go put his stuff in his locker.

Peter unlocked his band locker and took out his instrument, shoving his clothes in and taking a deep breath.

“hey peter!” A female voice spoke beside him and he turned to see Esmeralda.

“oh hey” he spoke giving her a right smile before turning oh his heel. She quickly followed him and attempted to continue her conversation.

“how’s your morning been?” She asked, and peter gave her a thumbs up, looking for anyone in his section to be with.

It’s not that he hated Esmeralda, she just tried so hard to flirt it was annoying. He cringed as she continued to follow him around, laughing at the small comments he made. Peter finally just pulled his phone out and texted you.

I’m so sleepy maybe i do regret texting you all night

He locked his phone, knowing you were dead aslee at this hour and instead went to find his section since he somehow couldn’t find them. Esmeralda was left talking to herself about a story even she wasn’t interested in. She furrowed her eyebrows and let out a huff.

She would get peter, no matter what it took.

The day passed quickly, you didn’t do much and just lounged around, relaxing before the hectic school week began once again. Peter texted you throughout the whole day, send you updates and pictures of him and Ned in their marching uniforms. You definitely saved the mirror selfie peter took, a bright smile peeking out behind his phone.

Sunday rolled around and you went to take a walk, seeing as though you had done all your homework and had no missing work.

“long time no see” you heard a muffled voice and you turned your head, a wide smile playing upon your lips as you waved at the hero.

“hey spidey” you spoke, looking at him as he walked up next to you. “how have you been? any crazy things happen?” You asked, kicking a rock infront of you and trying to keep it going in a straight line.

“Not really, i missed your company actually, I’ve been spending my nights just chilling on rooftops” he spoke, kicking the rick back into your path when it went sideways.

“aw a super hero missing little old me?” You smiled, wiping an imaginary tear from your face and laughing. You could tell the hero was smiling.

“so anyway, when are you gonna tell me how old you are?” You bluntly asked after a moment of silence. The eyes on the suit went wide and you quircked an eyebrow.

“what? not even who i am?” He asked, looking at your face for any hints as to what you were up to.

“well i mean i wanna know if i should refer to you as a boy or man in my head!” you huffed, arms crossing over your chest and stopping in your tracks.

“I don’t know y/n” he spoke hesitant to reply. You uncrossed your arms and put them into your sweaters pockets.

“you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want you, i just wanna know even one thing about you” you shrugged and continued walking.

if only you knew how much you already know peter thought in his head.

“16” he spoke out and you turned around quickly. A smile on your face, but that quickly turned to shock and then concern.

“16?!” You squealed and quickly ran up to him, poking his side as if to make sure you weren’t making this up.

“yeah i know don’t make fun of me” he spoke, you snorted lightly.

“you’re my age and you can probably pick up a car like it’s nothing! I am never making fun of you spider boy” you smiled and took a seat on a bench looking over a small pond. Peter sat close to you, hearing the way your heart rate was a little faster than usual.

“so how did that talk with the boy go?” He asked, clearing his throat, heart rate sky rocketing as he awaited your response. Karen took note of the spike in heart beats and informed peter to calm down. He only ignored the AI, wanting to just hear what you had to say about him.

“it wasn’t so bad, we didn’t really talk, he mentioned it once but never brought it up again” you spoke, watching two ducks swim together.

“did you ever find something out about him and his girlfriend?” He asked, nervous about the fact that you might not know peter had been flirting with you and that he was single.

“oh yeah, i figured everything out but i let him think i don’t know anything, it makes him work harder” you smirked at the boy and he laughed, partly out of relief and partly out of the fact that you really did make peter work hard to flirt with you.

“well I’m very sure that he’d work hard for someone like you regardless” you smiled at him and you got up, stretching and letting him know you were gonna head home.

“text me when you’re home” he spoke and you looked at him confused. “sorry it’s a reflex, but get home safe please” he spoke before swinging off to some other lady of the city do do more hero things.

You smiled at the fact that it’s his reflex to ask people to text them when they’re home, it warned your heart a little. A blush spreading across your cheeks when you thought of how close the two of you were on the bench.

The next day at school you wrote an essay in class, leaving no time for you to flirt with peter andyet somehow he snuck a piece of paper into your backpack.

As you headed to lunch and sat across Esmeralda she had a bright smile on her face looking straight at you.

“y/n! You’ll never guess what!” She smiled, and you raised your eyebrows, looking at her silently as she leaned in closer to you.

“so i was talking to Ned yesterday and he was saying that peter and MJ broke up” you nodded, along and signaled for her to go on, already knowing this information but not wanting to sink her boat.

“and he said that it’s because he likes another girl!” You chocked on your pasta and quickly drank some water.

“do you know who? who he likes?” You asked, your heart rate increasing as she smiled at you.

“Ned thinks that he likes me!” She smiled, her hands flying over her chest and she let out a small noise in glee.

Your heart fell and you were sure that you looked like you saw a ghost. Peter likes Esmeralda?

What about all those times you two giggled at the back of the clas sin chemistry and helped each other with the homework? What about him sacrificing sleep to talk to you? Had he done all that with her too? Were you always the second choice?

“y/n you okay? you look like you’re gonna throw up” Esmeralda smirked and you shook your head, excusing yourself and saying the pasta was bad.

You pushed open the cafeteria door and rushed to the restroom, pushing in one of the stalls and standing over the toilet, your heart rate slowed down and you felt yourself calming down.

Meanwhile Esmeralda smiled to herself in the cafeteria. Ned has only said that peter liked someone else, not once did he specify that it was her, actually he told her that peter didn’t like her. If she could get you to not like peter at least then you wouldn’t have him.

You walked back to the cafeteria, talking to Esmeralda about something you didn’t even know about. You kinda just went on autopilot, not wanting to think about the fact that the girl who wanted to play match maker took the one you wanted to match with.

You walked into chem dreading seeing Peter. He smiled at you and you looked down at the ground, you knew the moment you smiled back at him you would forget the fact that you were his second option.

“did you see my note? did you get it? francium and for real, because it fr” he giggled softly and you nodded, not looking at him as you passed your homework to the front.

Peter noticed the change in your personality, more closed off and not even sparing a glance at him, what had he done wrong?

“what’s wrong? are you mad at me?” Peter asked innocently, he heard the way your heart rate sped up as he asked you.

“listen Parker you can stop acting like you think I’m special, i know I’m just a second choice so you can cut the shit, i don’t even know what we were to begin with but whatever it was it’s done” you snapped at him, face red and jaw clenched, you got out of your desk and walked to the front of the room, grabbing the instructions and heading to the lab table with sami.

Sami gave peter a death glare and turned back to you, comforting you and soon starting on the lab. It was easy to tell there was tension in the room seeing as though everyone was pretty close in that class and kept glancing at you and peter.

You and sami headed to orchestra, peter and Ned hot on your heels as you all walked the same way, this time you weren’t all talking and peter wasn’t making fun of you for being in orchestra.

Orchestra passed quickly, your concert next week and you were scared about playing your solo. You remembered how peter was counting the days to the concert, promising he wouldn’t miss it for the world and he’d be the first to cheer for you during your solo.

You shook your head, sadness and anger rising in your chest as you headed home, taking a ride from sami’s mom to get to your apartment, praying that your mom didn’t make food so that you all could go eat some fast food.

You called out to your parents announcing your arrival, tossing the keys in the bowl your dad had bought and walking into the small living room. Your mom and dad smiled at you and you threw yourself on the couch.

“i didn’t cook today what do you wanna get?” Your mom asked and you smiled immediately blurting out “Thai” as a grin spread across your face. You dad laughed at your eagerness and you blushed.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you quickly took it out, seeing a text from peter.

I don’t like Esmeralda, i don’t want she told you but it’s not true please trust me.

Peter sat in his room, partially not wanting to go patrol today, he just wanted to fix things with you. He was too scared to admit his feelings. That would make it so real. And then he’d have to tell you he was Spider-Man and oh my god you would think he was weird for always looking out for you, like a stalker. What if some villain rolled up and found out his identity and tried to go for you! He couldn’t do it.

His phone buzzed in his hands and he saw your message.

Sure

This was gonna be a long night huh.

You have to trust me! I don’t even talk to her as much as i talk to you

I mean not that i talk to you both

I don’t

I mean i do but you know

you’re my best friend you should understand

You felt your heart fall even more at his last message, peter felt his heart implode when he read your response.

Yeah i am your best friend, so go date her, I’m your best friend so I’ll support you, I’m sure she’d love you.

I didn’t mean it like that y/n and you know that

do i know that? tell me Parker, how would i know what you meant?

Peter was at a loss for words. He i mean yeah he had been flirting with you but it was never any serious sign of affection, it was just jokes and laughing and talking.

you know what i mean :/

You opened his message and locked your phone, finishing your food and excusing yourself from the table, going to your room and changing into a baggy t shirt and some short shorts.

it was only 10:37 and you weren’t sleepy, you tossed and turned but one thing kept you awake. Peter.

Meanwhile Spider-Man was swinging around queens trying to find some yellow roses, to ask for forgiveness. He knew texting you would be useless so he called you.

Your phone rang and you jumped at the sudden noise, debating wether or not to pick up when you saw it was peter.

“what” you spoke, trying to sound mad but you were already smiling at the fact that he really wanted to talk to you.

“where do you live, don’t ask questions now, just-“ he sighed and spoke up again, “please tell me.” Peter was walking towards your house, he knew where you lived due to previous encounters with Spider-Man but you didn’t know that, so he had to ask for your address or else that would just look creepy.

You stayed quiet for a bit before telling him, he let out a breathy “thank you” before hanging up. You felt your hands grow cold and your heart was racing.

Peter swung into a dark alley next to your apartment building and changed from his suit to some regular clothes, taking out the yellow roses and mentally preparing himself.

Your parents were already sleeping so you quietly left your room and opened the front door slowly, making sure it didn’t squeak.

You stood there with your arms crossed for a minute before you saw peter come out of the elevator and walk your way. Your heart speeding up even more as you saw the yellow roses in his hand.

He smiled at you softly and you gave him a small wave, “hey man” you spoke and he smiled widely at your words.

“hi” he breathed out, checking you out not so subtly and his breath getting caught in his throat at the sight of you in such short shorts. “i got you these flowers” his voice cracked a bit and you stifled a laugh, taking them from his extended arm and saying a small thank you. “They’re yellow, for forgiveness, because I’m sorry” he rambled, cuddling with his fingers and looking up at you after he finished speaking.

You felt your heart rate pick up and your face heat up, your insides were almost shaking at how excited you were or maybe because of how cold the hallway was in your pjs. “Peter-” you began but he cut you off.

“no y/n listen i know it’s not fair of me to kinda lead you on and i don’t want to. You’re my best friend and i want you to trust me” peter looked at you, your eyes briefly meeting his before he looked down at the ground and then back up at you.

“i don’t like Esmeralda, really i don’t, i don’t know what she told you or what you think is going on between me and her but really there’s nothing” he spoke, his mind screaming at him to tell you he liked you. He could hear Tony’s voice yelling at him for being such a wuss and not confessing already.

You felt your stomach fall just a bit but it was expected. You gave him a small smile and nodded at him. “I believe you Parker” you spoke, youvoice shaking a bit and the hair on your arms standing from how cold you were.

“okay great” he smiled, quickly noting how cold you were, he quickly took off his jacket and placed it on your shoulders, you barely even had time to react by the time peter had finished placing the jacket on you.

“you already rejected my gloves at the game I’m not letting you stay cold again” he smiled and you blushed.

“such a gentleman parker” you looked down at the roses and back up at peter.

“only for you parks” he smiled and you blushed, giggling softly at his comment, peter wanted to take millions of pictures of you in this moment.

Your hair was messy and loose, you were wearing short short and oh my god if he doesn’t stop looking at you he’s gonna have to run. Your shirt made you look so cozy and you were wearing his jacket and holding flowers almost as beautiful as you.

Maybe he wanted to just risk it and ask you out now. Maybe he should. Actually, he will.

“y/n look what i meant-” he began, heart pounding before it was interrupted by his phone, he quickly pressed decline without checking who it was.

“what i wanted to tell you” he began once more before getting another call, he sighed and checked the phone, Tony. His eyes widened, he quickly spoke a quick sorry and moved a bit away from you.

“hello?” Peter asked, worried something big had happened.

“hey Pete i just wanna know what’s so important that you’re missing training? You realize you have a mission this weekend right?” Tony was obviously upset, and peter was shocked, he totally forgot he had training.

“mr.stark I’m so sorry something came up with decathlon and i just completely forgot i promise I’ll get there right after school tomorrow!” He spoke quickly, apologizing a million times before tony let him off the hook and told him to be safe.

“Sorry it was for my internship” Peter spoke timidly, looking at you with a small smile.

“it’s okay it’s pretty late so i should probably get back inside and sleep” you spoke, looking at him as he stared at you almost in awe. “you definitely should go to sleep you have band in the morning you nerd” you smiled and he blushed, stuttering and just nodding his head.

“I mean if it meant being with you i wouldn’t sleep” he spoke, blushing even deeper when he realized what he said.

“I’m not sure you mean that parker” you replied, taunting him slightly, your voice just above a whisper.

“i can prove it to you if you want parks” he replied, voice just as soft as yours. Both of you were very close now, not even a foot in between you guys.

“maybe you should” you whispered, looking at him and searching his eyes for something, anything to show that he really liked you.

Just as you were leaning in the door down the hall slammed shut and you both jumped apart, coughing a little to hide your embarrassment.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Peter spoke after a moment of quiet. You nodded quickly and began to take his jacket off.

“You can give it to me later, i don’t want you to be cold” he winked before turning around to go to the elevator.

“text me when you’re home!” He called after he had taken a few steps. You furrowed your eyebrows and he gave you a bright smile.

“you text me when you’re home too” you spoke before heading back inside to your apartment quietly, quickly putting the roses in some water and sneaking back into your room.

that’s when it hit you.

text me when you’re home.

Spider-Man said the same thing, almost the same tone. No, surely peter couldn’t be him? Spider-Man knew where you loved peter didn’t. Maybe peter asked so he could cover up the fact that he knew?

Your thoughts were working over time when you got a text a few minutes later.

I’m home :)

Peter visited you tonight, Spider-Man didn’t. He usually even checks in every not and then, you usually give him some grapes or a snack.

You wanted to ask him but decided to just wait it out, gather more evidence and then present it when you were sure.

good now go to sleep :~) sweet dreams <3

Peter smiled at your text and quickly replied with a ‘sweet dreams’ locking his phone and setting it aside.

Things will work out. Everything will come in time. Both good and bad things.

part 5

taglist (let me know if you want to be added !):

if there’s a line in your name it means you couldn’t be tagged idk why :/

@savedbystark @teenageeggsneckpasta @hphmincorrectquotes @squirtsquirtjigglejiggle @sonicisnotsober @qrangr @ghostiinparker @acenright @ksmy-99 @mutuallynotmutual @holland-tingz @martinafigoli

[werehamburglar]

Quick fun fact story about me: 

So, last year, in my AP English Lit and Comp class, our teacher told us that we would have a day that was going to be a Poetry Out Loud competition. On that same day, before the school-wide competition took place, we were going to have a visit from Paisley Rekdal. 

Being the dumb class clown I was (and am-- you can’t be fat and slightly-above-average and not try to people laugh), my friend (the salutatorian, incidentally) and I started making fun of her hair in the picture our teacher showed us of her. It made, basically, an oval shape, and we latched onto that. Honestly, I thought she was going to be one of those Conservative Women. (You know the ones.) 

Then we read some of her poems and I am not exaggerating when I say that I fell in love with her words. Something about them just clicked in my head, and I wanted nothing more than to just live in one of her poems, surrounded by her stanzas, sleeping in her works. I could read her poems forever. 

Well, the day finally came. I lost the competition and missed a rehearsal (my band director was pissed), but I met Paisley Rekdal because she was giving us, basically, a lecture. She workshopped some poems with us, and I got to read my favorite poem that I have ever written to her (it’s Ode To A Notebook, if anyone’s interested). She was planning something (I’m not going to say what, because the pandemic made sure that it wasn’t going to happen this year, but there’s still hope for the future) and we were allowed to send poems to her. Are you joking? You know I jumped on that. 

But she was so kind to us and she didn’t make anyone feel bad about their poetry, even if they were very-obviously-joking-around. I think I’m going to go re-read some of her poetry. 

[lavenderek]

this will be a very long post about some kids i knew in high school. it is boring, but it still frustrates me for some reason, so here it is. feel free to ignore. i REALLY hope the readmore works for mobile users. if not - sorry.

A Tale Of Two Christians so there were two SuperChristians - who i will call Daygan and Braygan - in band with me. they both had a lot of friends. i did not.  Braygan was A Cool Christian who i could see running a youth group. she played percussion and had an undyed scene haircut. Daygan was a My Family Thinks Tattoos, Makeup, and Piercings Are Offensive And We Never Cut Our Hair Christian. she played the tuba and wrote poetry.

anyway so they were both cold and rude to me me all four years.

The Genesis: Braygan And The Legend Of The Ill-Fated Chuck Norris Joke It All Started when my parents literally made me go to a band social before the school year started. i was terrified. i was very shy and i was a teenager. i do not remember how, but i managed to enter a conversation with three band kids, one of whom was braygan. we were talking about jokes. i had recently read a Chuck Norris joke. i timidly told this joke for the following reasons: A. they were very popular online in 2006, so i thought it would be a hit. B. i was 15 and didn’t know any better. C. i had read it in a book owned by my friend’s dad, so if dads were into it it must be ok. i did not realize braygan was A Christian, so it took me like a year to understand why she snapped, “that’s not funny.” and glared at me. i was so shocked and humiliated that i remember i could feel the tears spring to my eyes. i went quiet, and the other two kids standing with us went quiet, and i learned never to try to make friends again, and braygan and i never spoke again. it was a beautiful tale of human connection.

Interlude: Braygan Some More braygan would always make a point of ignoring me, which was understandable as i had evidently made such a poor impression that she thought i was unchangeable and could never be forgiven. and it’s not like i was super jazzed to hang out with a person who could be so mean just because i told her a joke she didn’t think was funny. i was always perplexed as to how such a nasty person had so many friends and could only conclude that the nastiness was exclusive to me for some reason. like holy shit dude, it was a chuck norris joke, one that i never told again lmao. maybe chuck norris killed her dad or something.

I Sort Of Gave A Damn About My Reputation: Daygan i mostly did not encounter braygan most of the time, thankfully. daygan was a different case for the following reasons: A. she was friends with a pretty good amount of my friends. B. we had band and pep band together. C. we had english together. D. we always had the same lunch for some reason. daygan seemed to have the same opinion of me as braygan, presumably because they became very close and braygan warned her of my inclinations. i can only assume this because i was never introduced to daygan. i knew of her for the above reasons, but i think i physically talked to her maybe once in four years. like, for real.

The Poms Hated Us: Spirit Contests i said previously we were in pep band. (no, i was not popular in high school.) when we played at football games, our band leader, ben, would make us do “spirit contests,” in which whatever section of the band cheered the loudest was rewarded. typically the reward was each of us got a Sobe when we got back to school afterwards. one night my section won. it was the only time my section won. reasons we never won: A. it was 100% girls. B. me excluded, the section was mostly friends with each other. C. i didn’t try very hard most of the time. D. since graduating i have learned from The Internet that there is a generally negative opinion of people who play the flute. maybe if i had had friends in band i would have known about this. but we were chosen by ben that night. frankly, i do think we had earned it: if there is one thing you must know about flutes and piccolos, it’s that they take a fuckin shredded diaphragm to play. we were good at projecting. daygan respectfully disagreed, by which i mean she was extremely distressed by ben giving us Sobes. she and her entire section had an actual tantrum in the bus on the way back. daygan shouted that the decision was “baloney.” (good christians don’t cuss.) their argument: A. they couldn’t hear us very well, and so we must have been quiet. B. our voices weren’t hoarse. her voice was hoarse, and so she must have yelled harder. C. ben’s little sister was in the flute section, and so he must have been catering to her. reasons those arguments do not carry water: A. sound travels in waves. if one is outside and surrounded by loud noise, the voice of a person standing in front of you and facing away may sound very quiet to you. B. we consulted the kids who were also in choir or drama and they confirmed that there are ways to project without damaging your voice in two hours. involving the diaphragm. C. it was literally one time, and ben and his sister weren’t like, friends at school. they were just siblings and happened to share an extracurricular activity. reasons we gave up defending ourselves and just watched daygan and her friends have a meltdown: A. they would shout over us when we spoke. B. they did not believe us. C. the arguments did come across as excuses coming from us. ben did not recant his decision and daygan literally looked at me with complete hatred in her eyes before turning away. we had this long conversation: me: ok. if you want the Sobe this bad, you can have mine. her: (snort) she and the rest of the brass section continued to very loudly discuss how ridiculous this decision was for like, half an hour. like imagine being this upset about the intricate politics of pep band. my god. it was very disturbing. i had hoped this would damage her reputation, but it didn’t seem to in any longterm way.

Interlude: Concert Wear I was also in the wind ensemble. there were three levels of band: beginner, symphonic, and wind ensemble. we would have concerts every few months. we had a uniform for formal concert wear. for girls, this was a conservative floor length black gown. i didn’t mind it, but i was the only one who didn’t mind it. i have bad taste i guess. we were asked to wear black shoes with it. colorful footwear was discouraged.

Other Interlude: My Fashion ask anyone who knew me in high school. my sense of fashion wasn’t great. i basically only owned striped knee socks. i thought they made me fun and unique.

Footwear: Return Of Braygan so it was wintertime, a year after The Big Hissy Fit. i had finally made a band friend, just because she was one of those people who was nice to everyone. she and i were both cold all the time, and decided we would wear socks during the concert. you could only see if we lifted the skirt to walk, so it was our quirky secret. she wore normal person socks. i wore red stripey socks. after the concert, we were heading down the hall to the band room so we could put our flutes away and collect our backpacks and coats. the hall was empty except for braygan and daygan. they stopped talking and watched as we passed them. i just ignored them. we are both allowed to use the hallway. my band friend was friends with them also, as most people were, so this happened: daygan: (elevators me) nice socks. Band Friend: (thinking daygan is teasing her in a friendly way) haha thanks! our feet get cold :) me: (i pretended not to hear daygan. at least this way she’s coming across as a person who jokes with her friend rather than a person who is physically unable to be civil.

Where Is My App To Build A Wall Between Me And Daygan none of their friends talked to me either. i wasn’t great socially, but i also assume they shared their opinion of me with their friends, as anyone would. i never did this. it’s not because i’m a saint, it’s because all my friends either were also friends with her or didn’t know her. to know daygan was to love daygan. but this doesn’t change the fact that i never talked badly about her behind her back. i rode the bus with a girl who had the same last name as daygan, which i never really questioned. it wasn’t a super common last name, i just didn’t think about it. one day late in my senior year, everyone was at a school event and this girl ran up to me. her: have you seen daygan? me: nope sorry her: haha aren’t you in band together? me: yeah but we’re not friends. she’s kind of a jerk to me actually her: um... she’s my cousin. me: oh huh cool! she’s still a jerk to me. this was not an exciting event. it’s just a thing that happened. i do not care that you are cousins. she’s mean to me. The Confusion That Would Never Fully Go Away we had graduated and it was the summer before we started college. i was hanging out with some friends. somehow the topic of daygan came up. one of my friends was in AP classes with her all 4 years and they were friendly. the reason i am still annoyed about this to this day is because of what he said to me that summer afternoon in the grass. him: oh yeah i was talking to daygan the other day! she said she always wanted to be friends with you. me, internally: ????????????????????????????? me, externally: ????????????????????????????? i explained to him that she had only ever been cold to me, that she avoided eye contact unless it was time to glare into my eyes and will my head to expand and pop like a marshmallow in a microwave. i explained to him my violently smacked down attempt to befriend braygan when we were 15. i explained to him that daygan’s alleged words were perplexing and did not fit with her actions. him: that... is so. weird. i have never seen them act like that. daygan’s always really nice. me, bummed out: cool FAQ maybe she didn’t like you because you make fun of christians. i didn’t used to make fun of christians. i was raised christian. maybe you were misinterpreting what was happening. always possible, if it weren’t for the fact that i was wide-eyed and bewildered for several years until i just got stoical about it. maybe you should have tried again to befriend her. the lesson of braygan was a hard one. and the sight of me seemed to make her very angry. i figured it would be better for both of us if i just tried to stay out of her way. maybe your friend could have asked daygan for you. maybe. but we had already graduated. and besides, i don’t think he completely believed me. would you even have wanted to be friends with her? probably not. rejection still sucks, though. my moment with braygan is my own theory. it’s just that if it wasn’t that, i have no idea what i could have done to warrant this longterm behavior from someone who, by all accounts, was the mother theresa of wind ensemble. maybe someday she will message me on facebook or something and tell me what was going on, because i cannot tell you how perplexing and hurtful it was at the time. the end.