#we were fucking Deprived
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#chatot#now this is the guy. this is the little man that deprives the hero & partner of food because they “failed to bring back the perfect apples”#even though they were literally fucking sabotaged. we all know punishment doesn't work and is a negative reinforcement but holy shit even i#the world of “punishments” not letting them EAT FOOD??? i kinda think that's genuinely cruel. and it made me despise this guy for a while#i think everyone's either in the camp of loving this guy and being a chatot apologist or like. hating him because he was unnecessarily hars#to the player and partner team. and always seemed to take team skull's side. i think he's a funny little guy but also yeah that was some#bullshit and i don't. trust him until he apologizes. he's a suck-up to the guildmaster and that's like. it. he's not a good father figure#even though the game seems to want him to be
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you ever think about how Osiris “grouchy old bastard recluse who rains down flaming death from above” was mentored by Felwinter, and we only recently discovered Felwinter was Rasputin, and therefore Osiris may be just now coming to the uncomfortable realization that there’s more of the Warmind in him than he’d like to admit
#Destiny 2#this post brought to you by me laughing over him inadvertently quoting Rasputin to Clovis#because like yeah#that is something both Rasputin and Osiris would legit say#'Phoenix of the Dark Ages' is a very Rasputin title#and now Osiris is having to deal with 'I learned about how to be a Guardian from the fucking WARMIND'#'...it does explain some things.'#I feel like if the Iron Lords were alive and they found out about Felwinter#Felwinter is terrified they'll reject him or hunt him etc.#but I feel like their main reaction would be 'you know that does explain a few things'#and then just endless computer jokes at his expense#I really REALLY want to know how Saladin dealt with finding out about Felwinter#we have been deprived of this for TWO YEARS#HOW DID HE REACT#just give me one loretab on it please bungo#this is the wager of existence
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certainly feeling some things about the fact that simon. bullied edwin, yes, because he clocked him being gay. but not out out of hatred for him because of it. instead it was because he thought edwin was cute and felt sad and confused by edwin not paying attention to him. because simon is also gay. that is some beautiful and tragic storytelling and such a good way to come back around and give edwin some amount of closure on that chapter of his life wow
#im a big sucker for this kind of thing… repressed doomed gay love and how it can manifest as fear or rage and so on#wugshghhhw#I wasn’t expecting that scene and his words are now echoing in my brain#‘do you think it has to be torture? being the way that we are?’#that line hits like a fucking truck#it’s also just suchhhhh an affective scene to show how far edwin’s come when it comes to accepting his sexuality and accepting that it#doesn’t warrant torture or repression or self-deprivation of love both internal and external#to be able to look this boy in the face and tell him that he doesn’t deserve the punishment he’s giving himself#out of both guilt and shame for his feelings and how he handled them#rajgghhhgfgh#for such a minor role that actor did such a wonderful job like the emotions he had to expresss there were not simple or easy#and his line delivery was just… very convincing#I just. really like this little turn of events. really good#kibumblabs#dead boy detectives#liveblogging#ALSO on a less serious note this proves that not ONLY has edwin been somehow attracting So Many guys despite his negative rizz#in the afterlife. but apparently when he was ALIVE as well. he just didn’t know it because. you know. 1900s and all that.
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Super angry at arc 3 of arcane btw. They rushed to close everything up and it shows
#the characters are so empty#like legit the only one with normal character development is jinx. like. the only one o get where she comes from is JINX.#Also Ekko. loved what they did for him there. everyone gets desolation and he gets a slice of life romance with the (doomed) childhood crush#no one is doing it like him#but also. they don’t even MENTION isha. like. I get it. she died. it’s devastating. but?#what the fuck you go onto the next thing?? WHAT THE FUCK#and I won’t even touch Viktor ‘’’I’m gonna build a place to heal people’ to ‘everyone is a hive mind machine now’ like WHAT#ngl I thought the fandom would be like Jayce I stand by my cancelled wife and all#BUT THE CANON WENT AND JUST….DEPRIVED VIKTOR OF CARE AND HUMANITY? HE IS JUST A WEAPON AND A CALAMITY NOW I GUESS??#Like yeah….he was doomed from the start with the sickness and the canon and all but? there’s doomed by the narrative and there’s like…#WE WILL PUT HOLES THROUGH YOU AND LACK OF CARE AMD COMPASSION AND UNDERSTANDING UNTIL YOU FUCKING GET YOUR DOOM#GET WITHTHE NARRATIVE VIKTOR YOUARE EVIL#‘no I am just healing people from shimmer which is very bad and harmful and painful’‘#NO VIKTOR YOU ARE EVIL SEE? THAT WHY I KILLED YOU BC YOUARE EVIL#existence became so painful to him he went and said no there’s not fixing this. I am throwing my emotions in the waste bin and go machine’#WHY DOESNT HE GETS TO BE ANGRY AND BETRAYED? LIKE AT LEATS SILCO GOT TO BE RIGTEOUS#WHY IS THIS SHIT AGAIN THEY TRY TO KILL YOU BC YOU ARE EVIL AND THEY TURN YOU INTO EVIL BC WHATS LEFT BUT THEN THEY WERE RIGHT TO DO IT??#LIKE. no. I’m sorry but no. fuck that I’m out.#FUCK THIS SHIT I AM WO ANGRY#VIKTOR?? VIKTOR IS THE BIG BAD? THE THING THAT UNIFIES ZAUN AND PILTOBER? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.
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okay real shit having a low sex drive and being sex repulsed due to trauma is literally the basis that our abuser used to like assault us I'm not even fucking joking bro that was his rationale
#☣️.cyanide#sa#like fr he was like “well you're never in the mood so I'm just gonna start and you'll get into it part way through” BRO THATS LITERALLY RAPE#or like coercion too like so much coercion#like “oh you owe me this because you're low sex drive and have been depriving me of sex and that's abusive so we have to fuck now”#LIKE ????#BRO THE MENTAL GYMNASTICS#“oh you're afraid of sex because you were forced to have sex? surely I can fix this by forcing you to have sex” LIKE ?? anyway
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So apparently I don't get to let my license lapse 😔 but also why was this his immediate reaction lmaoooo
#not snz#no bc why was this lowkey so aggressive LMAO#rip to our other coworkers#anyway i was sleep deprived as fuck last night and I'm working Wednesday so we were talking about that#then he asked how it was going with the other job so i had to give him the chisme#and then i said i might not finish my recert bc what's the point and he Did Not Like That lmaoooo#really said 'i don't like the coworkers so you can't quit'#not my problem but also haha i made him care me >:3#we've come such a long way from 'begrudgingly tolerating' me lmao i wonder what it was that won him over
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S1 Nancy would've punched Jason (yes I'm still thinking about it)
#mostly bc she was sleep deprived#but also bc she was serving “hell is a teenage girl”#they don't let her be as vengeful anymore#they just give her a big gun and call it a day#like we haven't seen vengeful Nancy since the hospital fight#she was out to get those fuckers not just bc goo monster but bc they were assholes#maybe i just hate s4#maybe I'm just tired and listening to vigilante shit#but either way#like Nancy Wheeler be a rage fueled little mastermind again#the third reason is bc that ponytail held SO MUCH All American Bitch energy#give it back to her#(SHE ALSO WOULDVE TOLD STEVEN TO FUCK OFF AND THAT THEY DIDNT HAVE TIME FOR NUGGETS)#amyways#im normal#stranger things#nancy wheeler
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i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal
#''poor teachers!!'' yeah well at least they can fucking quit & go work somewhere else#''okay but times are different than when you went to school in the 1970's'' this was 2016 my guy. shut the fuck up#''well maybe you were a violent & severely misbehaving kid!'' i wasn't. i have ADHD & severe anxiety disorder & depression#my biggest crime was being too exhausted & dopamine deprived to do my homework#my dad talks about how he was treated in school & i'm like damn dude i went through the same exact shit#how is it that a majority of teachers & principals are still abusive power-tripping pieces of shit 60 years later#why haven't things changed#well actually the answer is simple & it's because they want disabled people to disappear#& if abled students that simply disagree with the way things are done get caught in the crossfire then that is acceptable#because anyone not fit to make billionaires a billion more dollars should just die!#anyways here are my original tags from that gravity falls post i just reblogged:#I know this is supposed to be an appreciation post but like. ''for being the ''dumb one'' he's surprisingly rational.'' seriously??#as ''the dumb'' but ''surprisingly rational'' one of my family this is THEE biggest misunderstanding & it drives me up the fucking wall#just because a person struggles in one area doesn't mean they're stupid & should be an irrational dumb dumb idiot baby holy fuckkk#sorry to OP but even when people try to ''appreciate'' stuff like this they can't help but throw in insults#simply because they genuinely believe that ''even though you're stupid you SURPRISINGLY act competent sometimes'' is a compliment#I'm less mad about this & more sad that this kind of shit is still so prevalent in 2024#both Stanley & Stanford are smart & competent & rational#they just show it in different ways & exceed in different (sometimes overlapping) subjects#this is normal for human beings but the big societal scam is that if you don't do it in the way Ford does then you're stupid & a failure#& being surprised that Stan is also smart & competent in his own ways is the biggest sing that you fucking fell for it dude#btw before i get @ ed for this. i WAS that kid#i was so much that kid the school actually diagnosed me with stupid & spiteful & i was told to quit while i was ahead (they failed me befor#obviously this is very personal for me but also i don't think people realize the language they use is on purpose & it's used specifically t#& it's still happening right now & that just. makes me wanna cry honestly#like why are people still surprised that people can specialize in something despite bad grades in school#you know. the thing we all know is literally rigged to either put you in jail or in a factory to make billionaires more money.#man sorry for the rant the original spirit of the post is super correct but like fuck HS grade-centric judging of people's entire character#Stan being able to defeat Bill is just not at all surprising if you were him or knew/know someone like him#or really paid any attention at all to the show while watching it
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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man i can’t stop thinking abt the fact that i haven’t seen my INSANE gay ass situationship/close friend/crush/SPOUSAL FIGURE(?????. just trust me on this one) etc for 1.5 weeks and in that span of time i’ve managed to try weed party hard AND. well. Ok tags for this one
#hook up with a jewish gay tboy IN david’s bathroom.#<- which like. God there’s so much more context you need to understand what that means but genuinely i’m insane basically#anyway obvi i don’t regret it at ALL etc lmfao but just. Good God smth to think abt. Personally#<- LIKE i wasn’t thinking abt the whole. Deal while we were hooking up of course but now afterwards i’m like Wow that spells Zain ur insane#and also very much into redacted (situationship not hookup) very much like detrimentally maybe#anyway.#.txt#it wasn’t just the 1.5 weeks part btw i’m not that insane it was more like 1.5 weeks where i went out (to small parties/substance affairs)#like every few days with my friends is the thing#sorry this isn’t even a post for peach it’s a post for my PERSONAL DIARY. but i’m sleep deprived and possibly hungover rn so fuck it we ball#crushposting
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DOLPHINS??!?!?!?
DOLPHINS!?!?!??!?
THEY BROUGHT DOLPHINS WITH THEM AND WE WERE DEPRIVED OF THE WOULD-BE JOY OF HAVING TELEPATHIC DRAGONS AND DOLPHINS IN THE SAME SERIES?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?
#caps lock#large text#Rjalker reads The Dragonriders of Pern#I LOVE TELEPATHIC DOLPHINS WHY WERE WE DEPRIVED OF THIS#WHY DID THE FUCKING MINT SURVIVE BUT NOT THE TELEPATHIC DOLPHINS
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unwell about things,,,,,,, have not slept,,,,,,,, i can taste the numbers now
#random thoughts#taste.......... that reminds me. plazma. i still want to try plazma#plazma look lovely........... fucking......... biscuits or cookies or whatever you call them. fucking delicious#12 12 12. very 12. so 12. what a concept it is!#infirmum sum infirmum sum but it is an illness of mens once again! lacking proper diagnosis or simply sleep-deprived. oh crispin#you quote konstrakta now?? illustrate the concept of “mens infirma in corpore sano” in your own terms. oh certainly not. ridicule me please#well......... you've fallen? but where to? where to my love? who is your love? myself#carve cavities scoop out my own viscera like pomegranate. we are still we are still we breathe flowers and disease#viscera. viscera viscera viscera. viscera <12#a word! a word. becomes your new favorite#stand here to listen listen to the ramblings of an idiot. he believes his words will weave well into music#hyvä suomi! your country loves you once again where your own mother does not#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the words they hold me together. twist them as i were to wring out my own organs. soft shoulders#my skin feels strange on me sometimes. it feels rather like my brother's skin than my own but so so pale now#when was it last have i seen the sun? burn holes into seemingly poetic eyes get a grip on reality!#here we break character and watch as the fool begins to slap himself repeatedly in the face. why? because he likes it of course. masochist#i'd like the title branded into this skin sewn together of my dearly beloved family. yes please
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Re: my last reblog i kept trying to Not Ramble in the tags and failing bc im incapable of shutting up so. Venty ramble in these tags instead of my mutuals lol
#i didnt expect to get a cuddly laika but am so fucking glad that i did#moving away from cali was rough in that regard#my little brothers were always there for me to hug or just lean on as we did our own thing or talked or watched something#or worst case scenario my mother#but Kit got me through the move#and then she left.#and i had no one really to get that physical affection from#idk rn im just. aggressively more aware of how touch starved i am#most of my life ive had friends i could just lay in a pile with like cats but i havent really the past however many years#since i stopped talking to jules ig#i like to think of myself as independant and able to live on my own without anyone else#but i actually get very sad without my few favorite people and someone to hug#its annoying and depressing and very hard to remind myself that humans are a social species and i am in fact a human so#anyways#sometimes i think its better to just. live in deprivation without reprieve so i cant remember how depressed i am LMAO#that sounds terrible huh#its fine tho. ill be fine. i have my cuddly boy and i shall survive#maybe find friends i can lean on and hug who arent a bajillion miles away
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colorado trail near cottonwood pass, june 2022
#this was another really fun hitch it was a trail angel who went like 10 miles out of his way for me#an old guy who did a lot of SAR and told me about a rescue last year that i think messed him up a little#anyways we got up to the parking lot and the couple that was hiking behind me the day before (i passed them at the sketch cornice at uh.#lake ann? mary lake? something like that)#and they were heading into town and got a ride back w him! perfect timing!#i was like so excited to see them cause i wasn't keeping pace with anyone really and there were hardly any repeat encounters like that#anyway journal says this day sucked and doesn't elaborate. im pretty sure it was amazing in the morning (see photo for fucks sake. hello)#but i do remember thunderstorm panic and hail and waiting in cold rain under a rock getting soaked for like an hour as one of the#lower points of the whole trip#but i saw my first bull moose in the evening! and i did big miles!#it was the first 10+ mile traverse above treeline. and so close to a parking lot like. you can literally just drive there and do a day hike#lets just everybody move to colorado what is the point of depriving ourselves by living elsewhere#trail posting#colorado trail#CT#tag journal#cottonwood pass
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i shld sleep oh my god
#🌙.rambles#i am somehow not rlly sleepy despite barely having sleep but my head does ache slightly. but just a few more stuff left in this week n#i'll properly rest for a bit ! bcs next week even though we're gna have a break ofc there's like.. prom n then that vacation right after T_#gna be fun but i'm. definitely gna be rlly tired. n.. nah i need to stop overthinking abt sm stuff#just. anxious that i might end up being too shy. usually in social events like that i realize i#end up pushing myself a bit too much n then it ends w me just putting on a strong facade#i'm worried too i think bcs two of my friends haven't.. reconciled yet? so. yeah it is possible i may have to deal w some stuff during prom#fuck. i'm just. worried abt a lot of things in general. but i'm mostly overthinking it. everything.#sigh in general i'm being too harsh on myself again. wtf maybe it's the sleep-deprivation or smth bcs ik i'll manage it all#i believe in myself n know i'm capable but. it's just.. overwhelming rn i think. n it. hurts bcs it's like before in a way..? n like my wol#i wonder. what we'd all do if we were hypothetically given the chance to be able to do whatever we wanted in a day n have whatever we want#without changing the reality we have now or yeah no consequences at all. just a lil day in an alternate world we could control#if you were to choose for yourself n only for yourself what would you do?#sob ig i relate w rinoa too bcs of that strong facade part. i wrote that for my wol too#but like even w all that in the end uh. every time i read these sort of stuff it comforts me deep down#bcs i remember back then when i rlly just had my family#that.. loneliness. i write abt it a lot huh. not that i'm exactly seeking for something. maybe before bcs i didn't talk w my friends anymor#but now i suppose it's just something painfully constant. but not really too#i can't.. put it into words rn n i'm low on sleep. but i rmb just daydreaming to myself back then of my wol's development though#from heavensward.. sorta hiding herself n having to be strong for others. though she so desperately just wants to let her guard down#n be free yk. a break from all her responsibilities n rest.. she's young after all. but while i do relate with that it's still#yk particularly w the context of my wol being yeah the warrior of light in ffxiv. but. i rmb writing of how then that was being strong for#her. n.. yeah she was healing from stuff then. that's hw. but in stormblood ooh i wrote here that she put her emotions to the side#bottled them. became more serious n i tied that w being a samurai main back in stb w duty stuff help this connects well but it's funny#hesitant in heavensward to trying to do things more on her own in stormblood to.. accepting it all in shadowbringers#shy/quiet was more in hw while being serious/calm was in stb. raghhh i rmb my notes well in 2021 but i'm so afraid to look at like#the stuff i wrote last year 💀 but. oh my this is embarrassing but i do like how i even just dump my thoughts. it's bittersweetly beautiful#maybe i'm trying to accept everything at once or yk putting too much pressure on myself to improve holistically.#like.. i want to write before i grow older than my fav charas yk? n then just think of lots of stuff too n.#be productive. study. n idk just more more more in general but i could be less harsh on myself. yeah
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It's like that Anon doesn't realize Colorism exist too.
DING DING DING EXACTLY
that's a huge point my friends and i discussed when i sent them a screenshot of that anon! like, you mean to tell me that you see NO issue in choosing to lighten m's skin? not at all? okay buddy seems you have some serious issues to unpack on your own time
#like if they were there to argue semantics about whether or not greek people are white i'd probably have just deleted it#but to say that lightening skin is no different than a haircut???#my younger sibling is visibly darker than me and there were so many summers that she was –#deprived of going in the sun for too long 'because they didn't want her to get too dark'#colorism exists in *every* community and that fucking sucks! even online in fandom spaces of fictional works !!!!#the least we can do is call it out in a fandom space like?? do you not want this space to be comfortable for nonwhite people????#just bc you perceive an entire group to be ethnically white doesn't mean that darker skintoned people –#don't experience colorism in that region#tw colorism#asks
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