#we were all like Ok be fucking cool don't say anything weird. and then when someone finally brought it up to him he was like 'im not trans'

[parme-san]

if i had a nickel for each time i'd mistaken a new coworker for a tboy and months later realized i was mistaken i would have 10¢

[hailthedoll]

Meeting in Helvete

i originally wanted to make it very like cutesy and then I didn't(?) lmfao idk. I'll probably change it later summary is just meeting euronymous for the first time<3

"helvete" your friend said. you looked at the building across the street from the restaurant you were eating at. of course you've heard of it; you've heard all about the black metal scene, but your friends aren't those types of people; they're not involved in dark things, and they don't even listen to metal music.

"hmm, cool," you said while taking a bite from your food, looking at your friends whose eyes were fixed on the building. "we should go there when we're done," your eyes wandered towards the building. "great" you thought; if its anything like what you've been told, you were bound to be in for some embarrassment from your friends' comments.

walking towards the store, you began to notice the details on the building, the posters hanging on the windows, and the darker aura that was that store specifically. when you walked in, you were hit with the smell of cigarettes and aged memorabilia; it was dark. you turned to your friends, whose faces had dropped compared to the previous look they had walking towards the building.

"can I help you?" you turned around, seeing the man standing behind the counter; he had dark, long hair that fell over his eyes, his voice was cold, and his eyes barely even moved from the vinyl he was holding. he had to have been euronymous.

"no we're just browsing." you turned back around, facing your friends; they had grabbed a vinyl, pointing at the cover, whispering to one another, laughing. you sighed and rolled your eyes, looking back at the man you realized he had finally looked up, his eyes piercing at you. "i dont think this is the right place for you and your friends" he said. you could hear his tone has gone from cold to slightly annoyed.

your friend held up another record. "look at this one; I didn't know they had children's music here." you looked at her in disbelief. a sound came from behind you; the man had walked over to the group. "children's music? that's what this is to you?" you were speechless; the feeling of embarrassment washed over you. "there's no way." you thought to yourself.

"I'm sorry, the music isn't for everyone, and it's clearly not for them" you uttered out. "but its for you?" he chuckled. "and why would that be funny?" you snapped back, he scanned your face, looking for any sign that you might just be fucking with him. you kept yourself emotionless, wanting him to know that you are interested in the music. "its the essence of life, its the truth," he spoke passionately, looking at you then turning to your friends. "its easier to make fun of what you don't understand."

the look on his face was frustration; like he has explained this multiple times before, your face softens as you hear your friends snicker. "ok I want to understand." the moment the words left your lips, you and the man locked eyes, and the laughter in the background faded. "what's your name?" he asked, tilting his head while looking down at you. "its y/n", he smirked in response. "y/n, I want to see you and only you in here again" he walks back to the counter where he once was.

"definitely-" you paused, looking at him for help, trying to find out what you should be calling me. "you can call me euronymous" he smiled. your friend pointed to a poster on the wall. "uhh hey, euronymous-" she said, exaggerating his name. "is this art or is this just borderline messed up?" that was your queue to get your friends the fuck out of this place. "maybe it's both" he says, his tone once again back to being annoyed. 

"oook, well, I think its time we get going" you say, sighing. euronymous smiled at you. "yeah, this place is too weird," your friend belted. you started to push your friends towards the door, turning back to look at euronymous, he was staring at you, a soft expression filled his face.

"I look forward to seeing you again," his voice turned soft and calmer. he watched you and your friends leave, and as you walked away, the excitement of seeing him again filled your thoughts.

[elysianymph]

🔥 anything about sirius because i am being a little hater towards some characterisations too

i've already talked your ears off about this on discord but i'm happy to talk to about it again bc i fucking HATE new sirius black with a burning passion. i hate him as much as i love my sirius black that marauderstok can pry from my cold dead hands bc i'm not letting him go. i don't know when it happened and why but marauders fans are particularly persistent on taking away any interesting traits sirius had and leaving behind a whimpering pathetic twink that cries when someone looks at him the wrong way. sirius has been scrubbed clean of any morally grey traits he might've had (he's not allowed to care for his family (unless it's regulus) or long for them bc they are bad, he's not allowed to have any prejudices even though he was literally raised with pureblood mentality and taught he was superior to everyone else from the day he was born, he's not allowed to be an asshole bc he's not like his family guys!! and when he is an asshole it's always used to victimize the character he's being an asshole to and sirius is painted as the villain with mommy issues that can only be fixed by getting dicked down apparently)

i cannot stress this enough: LET THIS MAN BE A COMPLEX CHARACTER!! and no, giving him mental illnesses that miraculously disappear when he gets together with remus and making him attempt to kill himself post prank because he feels bad is NOT making him complex! you're just weird. you're just romanticizing mental illnesses and i can't believe you don't see anything wrong with it. giving him bipolar to justify his actions is?? not??? representation??? it's offensive to people who actually have to deal with these issues in their day to day lives and yet here you are using something that will impact their life forever as a plot device for your uwu sadboy mlm fanfic.

and that's what new sirius boils down to. he's a plot device, an accessory to everyone else's story that's never given much depth other than "oh his mom used the cruciatus on him and now he's traumatized". no hate to jegulus but hate to specific jegulus fics that turn sirius into an overdramatic caricature of his former self for the sake of drama and angst.

also, some of these wolfstar shippers... wtf are you guys on?? idk when and why (that's a lie i do but i'm not gonna say it) remus became sirius black in a werewolf costume but here we are. oh sirius was cool and effortlessly smart and handsome and girls wanted him? well guess what? snatches all of those character traits and throws them onto remus they're his character traits now. ignore how it doesn't make any sense for the werewolf child who was isolated from the rest of the world to be a smooth talking alpha casanova who plays basketball actually. while we're at it, ignore how unrealistic it is for a boy who was raised in a family that believed they were superior to everyone else based on blood status, who was raised to be the perfect heir and checked off all the traits needed to be one to be insecure?? and unsure of himself?? and stupid??? and a loser??? i don't understand what the point of flipping the wolfstar dynamic was when you're left with a shallow copy of the original but ok. you do you ig.

to summarize, my sirius is cool and effortlessly smart and egotistical and a complete asshole who thinks he's the best thing ever. is it an act to cover up how damaged he thinks he is because of his family? possibly. but i also fully believe sirius thought he was a god amongst men and everyone should be glad to be in his presence. he talked down to other people because he considered himself smarter, he rolled his eyes when students asked stupid questions and made fun of them when they got an answer wrong. he's a teenage boy let him be a dick with no excuses.

(also i find it funny when people write about sirius getting into a fight with james or remus and crying because they said something mean. as if sirius wouldn't throw hands the moment someone started criticizing him. he's toxic and that's what makes him interesting. that's his purpose! characters exist to make stories interesting, to start drama, not to be your moral guide on how to act. stories become so much more fun once you let go of the need to make every character a good person. also liking a character doesn't equal liking them as a person. i love sirius but i would hate his guts irl)

[zai-doodles]

Yeah!! Please rank the spirit dresses!

LETS GOOOOOOO

ok ok ill try to not ramble too much but this will def be long lol

im not perfect by any means and these r just my opinions so idk don't kill me ig, if u disagree u can say that but be polite

10. OK so in LAST PLACE WE HAVE

CAPRICORN!

ok put down ur pitch forks and let me talk-

its not a BAD design aesthetically or in concept, I've seen ppl say its kinda leaning into a like, spy vibe or something and I really like the sunglasses and horns!

BUT capricorn never read as a spy to me?? maybe its just me but he always came off as more of a butler parody especially w the tailcoat he gets in this screenshot

i think both capricorn and the stardress suffer from not having a very visually distinct concept so when put together its barely feels like they match at all, its its v clear that putting lucy in a skimpy dress took priority over making a cool design that connected to the story

i dont even love my redesign for this dress anymore bc I feel like I just need to redo Capricorn first to give him a stronger concept then deal w the dress later

OK

9.

AQUARIUS

this is blasphemy i know but PLEASE HEAR ME OUT

this one is way more personal preferance so if u disagree that's so chill there's just too many things w this dress that bother me

I hate the hair, i really do like grown women w pigtails is already a pet peeve of mine bc its so male gazy to me but combining that with the bikini top and super short skirt just annoys me

and let me say again THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH LIKING THIS but in the larger context of this being the AQUARIUS dress it just doesn't read like her at all!! Sure she has a bikini but she also has v ling hair!

where capricorn suffers from too little visual concept aquarius has so much of it!! The gold to me reads v fancy and royalty esque which makes sense for her personality, just changing the hair to something more like what aquarius has would do wonders I feel like

plus i hate the green-

my first redesign ever was this dress bc it annoyed me soooo much

ANYWAY-

8.

VIRGO

this fit is fine, just boring

but virgos design is also boring and the one interesting thing, her chains, NOT being part of the star dress or alluded to makes me angry

also pigtails so it loses points

NEXT

7.

ARIES

again its fine but its boring, mainly bc aries' design is also boring so-

idk i wish they went more bo peep with it cuz I feel like that could have been cute

also more fucking pigtails-

6.

TAURUS

if any fit deserved to have horns its this one TAURUS IS A BULL-

anyway this fits is also fine but damn they could have gone so much harder w the cowgirl thing

i do still stand by my redesign for this stardress bc I think it fits canon without redoing taurus

she should have a nose ring its just facts-

5.

GEMINI

love the concept and idea! kinda meh execution

its fine ig but its also like gemini don't look anything like this? which makes this another one were I feel ud have to rework gemini to give them more visual cues u could take

the headdress specfically confuses me since the wiki says its a Kokoshnik but after looking at the wiki for that I found nothing in the history that makes that make sense for this fit?? like concept wise??

its only so high up bc i respect that they did something different and creative with this dress and the way they split the colors on the dress itself is cute, just wish they went more magician or even jester w it

the only pigtails im kinda ok w bc symmetry

(when i say more magician i did it this way:

4.

SCORPIO

its cute, i wish the tail was bigger and I see v little reason for the fit to be skin tight when scorpio himself literally has a half skirt thing going on

i still like this so here, as u can see I liked the idea with the hair and headband combo I just wish they had pushed it further

3.

SAGITTARIUS

again, cool concept, weird execution?

this one is the only one i feel that THRIVES from not taking any visual cues from the spirit bc honestly his design just sucks I'm sorry ik its supposed to be funny but its just stupid to me idk

however even if i like thaty they did something different AND gave her the bow and arrow, it annoys me still that nothing about the fit reads equestrian or archery? there's SO MANY historical fits they could have used as inspo for this and they just chose not to and that's lazy to me idk

also also i hate that for a while bc of the way the manga was colored it looked like she was fully just wearing underwear bc of the white fabric with nothing on her thighs like that's dumb he's a horse u WANT something there to protect that area when riding

2.

LEO

its cute, it matched loke design AND personality wise, wish there were more lion elements but overall v cute

CANCER

i already talked abt my thoughts on this dress here so yeits just good AND the pigtails r ok bc they r meant to mimic cancers silhouette which I really like

summary:

[wordsvomit101]

I'm a random cringe teenager in school, we are not in Euphoria dude.

Author note: It is from Leviathan's pov because I do not want to come back to that dark time that closely, both of my arms shag to the ground when I thought back to it. Plus I need to write something else besides the quiz or else I might flip. Warnings: OOC, you might not relate to this MC, Leviathan being weird.

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

(Lunch Break)

"Stop moping. I can't stand that idiotic sulking face of yours. Either get out of my sight or speak quickly," he snapped, hitting the right button as your mouth, busy chewing rice, halted to gulp it down before you began yammering nonstop.

"I don't know what I was doing back then, dude. I should just cooperate with them but I tried to act cool and know it all. Fuck! It was so bad and I sound like a total asshole! I might need to change the table," you lamented, as if not bothering to breathe.

You sit across him in the cafeteria, the space humming with the cacophony of annoying mortals and the frigid metallic scent of their food trays. The students' chatter is a relentless torrent, bouncing off the walls and reaching into every corner of the room. It's relentless, grating, and suffocating. It's the sound of a thousand conversations overlapping, each one clamoring for attention, each one more meaningless than the last. He tries to focus on the disgustingly low-quality food and your voice, to block out the noise, but it's impossible. The clatter of trays, the scrape of chairs, the mindless babble—it's all too much. He feels his fingers twitching, his palms itching to cover his ears and shut out the world, or maybe just slaughter all of them.

"The rest of the class was ok, I think, but I can see how they uncomfortably sit and not look back at me. Oh my god, I didn't just set off a series of bullying in my second year in high school, did I? Shit, I definitely did," you rambled on.

"Then how is it my problem?"

You look up at him with all the innocence those eyes could muster, yet hiding the aggravating angel-like rat behaviors. You give him another vein on the neck.

"You silly goose, you stuck with me for too long, and after all we've gone through, you have to share this with me. I stuck through your cringe emo phase when we were in middle school so this is the least you could do, you ungrateful brat," you chided him in a tone an older sibling would, and it only made him want to choke you from across the table.

It was maddening. Despite your apparent introversion, you never remained isolated for long. Even when you occupied a seat by yourself, you were always within the watchful gazes of at least three others. He had once witnessed you sitting alone in a classroom, but within five minutes, you had hastily gathered your belongings and hurried off to an extracurricular activity, your punctuality bordering on par with those from Niflheim, which is not appreciated in this situation.

Now he has to sit here and listen to your endless yapping again while surrounded by these stank mortals. Their pungent socks and unwashed body odors assaulted his delicate nostrils. Sharing your sensory experience became a curse as he lamented the existence of his sensitive nose. The stench from a table away was an unbearable torment, something that only that vixen Beelzebub and his cronies would enjoy.

"Ughh, I'm so fucked, you will be fine for sure but I don't know when my resting bitch face effect run out. Oh, can you eat this for me? Thanks, I don't have the will to try to eat them today."

"When did I say I-"

"Just eat them, will you? Plus my parents and I once bet on how tall you will be in the future. They both said you will be in the 6-foot range but I said 6'3 so grow faster for me," nonchalantly you quickly interrupted him with another story that your mind made up to patch up the holes his presence left.

You already put all the vegetables on his tray before he could say anything and get back to stuffing those cold things you called pork into your mouth again. Despite his genuine attempts to offer alternative snacks and better choices from nearby vendors, you remained steadfast in your refusal, compelling him to endure these demeaning moments alongside you. Annoyingly preaching something about saving money despite how you impulsively bought them both two bags of crab chips and bottles of banana milk the next day... If he threw it away you would be both sad and angry at him, possibly even not talking to him again for weeks unless he explains why so he, humiliatingly, chews those junks down his throat... It wasn't bad, at least.

But your smug looks ruin that moment and even dare to tease him about it despite your cheeks being stretched out by him like useless dough.

All the times he tried to initiate something with you, small or big, you outright gave him a funny disgusted look that was different from how those vile angels did but got on his nerves all the same. One time you even poked his eyes and screamed bloody murder, grinning childishly all the while, before he chased you around the school grounds, making a scene for the whole student body like some kind of circus. It's still a mystery how you manage to outrun him despite your less-than-stellar PE scores.

"What's with that grumpy look? You look like a monkey that just ate a hot chili—A good-looking one, of course, so chill your ass down, bro, that look could give a grandmother a heart attack."

... He had often contemplated the violent retribution he could inflict upon you—hanging you high by the neck or sending you tumbling down the unforgiving steps for each careless barb you hurled his way, only to watch you brush it off with a nonchalance that made it seem like nothing. In the reality of your usual demeanor, you would shy away from his gaze and hide your thoughts in your polite smile, an unspoken pact of avoidance. But now, you were a stranger to your former reserve, an uncharted territory in which your words flowed freely, unlike the distance you put around yourself toward everyone... It's grating as much as it is refreshing.

"I should cut your tongue off one of these days so you wouldn't spew nonsense all the time."

"Ah shush buddy, I would already be buried by now if you took your threat seriously. Also, what is our next class? Math? Shit, did we have homework in math? I can't remember, I only cramp on our literature work."

He learns something else about you that only makes him want to hurl you through the wall. Despite having all the time in the world, you whine and moan when it comes to your duties but you read through those meaningless comics and binge-watch countless romance dramas online, swooning over fictional humans whose appearances barely reach half his height almost every night. Instead of making good use of your time, you ignore the genuine thing right next to you. He should have twisted your nose off your face when you laughed at his face back then.

He ignored the flutter in his ribcage when he thought back to your smiling face, carefree and looking up at him with playfulness as you took joy in his frustration.

"Your stupidity never ceases to astound me. We have a test tomorrow, you bull-headed rat." Standing up, he took both of their trays to the table to be cleaned later. He didn't eat much besides the gross vegetables you put on his tray and waited for you to finish eating. As you two walked, you continued to talk incessantly, and he had to suffer through the noise.

"Aiya, stop with that snobby ass speech and help me study. At least I remember the formula, you know? An achievement for people like me who suck at it! You should be proud of your homie."

"I would be disappointed in myself if I ever am proud of the likes of you, you ange- rat."

Glancing down at you, your gazes ahead and not a bit bothered, it made him want to wipe it off your face and make you red with anger and embarrassment like that time… but you would never accept it, nor would your eyes give him the same reaction he was starting to get used to. Getting used to this mundane routine, the normalcy of this setting was so much different compared to schools in Hades. It was peaceful. It made him want to hold your hand…

"Hey."

Your serious tone of voice broke him out of his thoughts. When he glanced back, you were frowning, contemplating… You were realizing the differences again, this was the 35th time you did this. He admits he underestimated you when he first got into your memory zone. You almost blasted him with thunder magic the first time you uttered that human's name after he refused to join you to go to the anime convention for the 6th time. He envied how just by a mere utterance of that wretched name, you easily broke out of your trance.

Like last time, your eyes didn’t have that foggy glaze over them but were becoming brighter again.

"Have you ever talked like an old man like that?… And have you always had those horns before? Your voice sounds deeper too…"

But no matter, it was an easy fix, some rearranging, and good leading words would do. Before your gaze looked away from his and your smile went cold again, he quickly took out your favorite flavor lollipop from his pocket and unwrapped it easily between his hands, acknowledging how you were becoming more tense each second and your eyes almost fully cleared even without looking at you.

"Are you-"

"Hmph, you must have a lot of time to even question things like this."

Gently shoving the lollipop into your mouth and taking in your shocked face, his heart was unconsciously at ease when you calmed down after tasting the familiar treat between you and that human. You gazed up at him with a goofy smile, humming a tune as you continued walking to class together, the tension between you dissipating like mist in the morning sun.

"Did you buy it from the vendor? I thought they were out of this flavor today- Ah wait, I need to finish this quick. How much time do we have left until class starts?"

As you two entered, he swiftly slipped into his seat, cutting you off. The class was strewn with a sparse gathering of students, as per the norm… Tch.

"Not a single ‘thank you’, it seems you’re the ungrateful one. I should let you rot once that test comes around."

"Hah?! H-hey I get it alright?… I’m sorry ok? Sorry for taking you for granted."

As you settled into the seat before him, a sense of remorse washed over you, reflected in the apologetic gaze you cast upon him. It was as if your eyes carried the weight of a thousand regrets, and he could almost visualize your invisible ears drooping in a display of pitiful sorrow. With a hesitant glance upwards, you met his gaze, mirroring the submissive demeanor of some of his summoned creatures, evoking a sense of empathy tinged with a hint of melancholy.

… Funny, that was how you looked at him when you brought that whip on his back. Not like this, it was not one where he could sense the disgust you had for yourself as you held back from apologizing. That might be one of the last times you were ever expressive toward him.

"I’m sorry… and thank you for buying this for me, and for the many other times you did."

Your voice was softer now, almost like a whisper, yet honest all the same as your eyes never strayed from his. However, he preferred that impish grin you usually directed at him than this.

"Heh, like I need your worthless apology. Finish it quickly, the teacher is coming."

In a swift and unspoken gesture, you couldn't help but emit a soft snort and playfully nudge his arm, a silent indication of your camaraderie. With a subtle yet meaningful exchange, you effortlessly returned to your designated spot, sinking into your seat as you savored the sweet crunch of your lollipop. In that fleeting moment, the weight of somberness that loomed above both of you dissipated into the ether, replaced by an unspoken understanding and a false sense of lightness.

"Geez, way to ruin a nice apology, you jerk."

"…"

The veneer of normalcy would inevitably crack, the charade becoming an unsustainable burden. As the school bell pierced the air, summoning students into the classroom and the teacher embarked on the lesson, his gaze fell upon your slouched posture, a telltale sign of your mind already drifting off to daydreaming. When the final bell tolled, signaling the end of class, he alone would carry the weight of these fleeting moments and a poignant reminder of the unspoken connection that had flickered between you.

'… For now, let me savor this a little bit longer.'

[lakesbian]

Will you share your twig fanfic at some point? The lil snippets into their adventures are so entertaining

ok so so far i have. one chapter thats jsut like. a rewrite picking up right after 13.11 that's like "hey what if the way the conversation about jessie liking sy/sy putting up walls went Wasnt wildly homophobic and transmisogynistic." i think it's fine and probably about as edited as it's going to get. i'm trying to add to that at least one more chapter that's about like. The ensuing shitshow (good, funny) of sy being really bad and awkward about actually starting up the relationship with jessie bc hes nervouse. but i'm struggling with finding how to reasonably plotwise add a chase scene/the general shenanigans i want to fit in it so i'm worried i'm gonna get stuck there. the ultimate goal for it would be it being a 2 or 3 chapter affair max that ends in sy & jessie properly starting their relationship. if i get really horrendously stuck i might just post the first chapter alone but id like to try to believe in myself

i have a few other snippets that were just basically like me doing the writing equivalent of doodling like. the sleeping beauty one i posted on tumblr + one re the line abt sy gifting jessie the same pen twice by accident + one re my 'why arent cigarettes in twigland super cool and packed with all kind of random shit' complaint. the only other thing thats. I Guess Finished. is like a snippet re 'hey its fucking crazy that wildbow had jessie pose as sy's fiancee when they infiltrated an academy and it was just literally never talked about' that Spiraled. and now it's 3 consecutive longer scenes that are kinda about how i think jessie & sy should be stupid in love, and kinda about how i think we should kill wildbow for not writing jessie being the world's best most functional fit for sy's psychosexual fixations, and kinda about how i think helen should have a Weird dynamic with them, and kinda about how i think it's dumb that sy never gets to have a more developed/understanding relationship with helen despite spending months living with her as a young adult. realistically i should show it to people who are not my friends at this point but Maybe I'me Shy.

and i also wanna keep working on/finish one i started that's a rewrite/continuation of a scene during the black woods quarantine bit that's about like. their fucked up sad little 17-18yo old married couple with Mortality Imminent vibe. but i feel like i wanna go back to that After i finish the stuff that's chronologically earlier? because i started it first, and i think it helped and was fun as a 'where do they go' thing, but i dunno. i might want to get things more straight in my head with the earlier stuff first even if not everything has to be perfectly consistent with each other.

initially i was envisioning just having one fic i update with snippets in each chapter but the thing is that with snippets Spiraling i dunno how i'd post things. i guess the 13.11-> rewrite would obviously be its own thing, but i don't know if the one i mentioned abt the fiancee stuff would count as its own fic vs a snippets series or What. and i should also really before i post anything have someone who 1. has amenable taste and 2. has actually fucking read twig read it and provide thoughts on if anything should be shot before it makes it out of the carriage. but also i fear we have a milquetoast enough situation going on here that it's one of those things where it's a bit silly to go "here..... Critical Review, Please" because it's not Serious Enough writing 4 that. so maybe i should just post shit who's to say

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Thrift store Westerns I've never heard of part 2!

SHOOT FIRST AND PRAY YOU LIVE (Because Luck Has Nothing to Do With It) is an indie film from 2009 and winner of the independent spirit award at Santa Fe Film Festival, apparently. Wikipedia says it was based on the novel Luck by Max Brand. It's got everything! It's got maybe in fact too much going on! It's got split screen, it's got a brief animated sequence, it's got so many fucking flashbacks.

Opens with this, which I find very funny for some reason:

While we're on disclaimers, my quotations are summarized and not exact bc I am not going over ever few seconds of this movie. Also this movie is rated R so assume Yes for most common western content warnings.

Very GBU intro with about 10 seconds of empty street, a surprise close-up and then a tense shootout that we'll only have context for later. I hope.

The first real scene introducing our main character (Red Pierre) is a very gory shootout in a saloon. The shots themselves are fast and then we get a blow-by-blow of exactly where each of the 3 shots fired went. Lots of squirting blood from exploded arteries. I respect it but also was deliberately not looking at the screen too hard for like a solid 30 seconds or so lol. Red's first shot was shooting his opponent's thumb off, so he pulled a Silence a la The Great Silence. However in this case it was not simply a disabling move bc he did just keep shooting and murder those 2 guys. also. so. not sure what the point of that was.

Then he turns around and makes awkward eye contact with the only other guy who hasn't left the saloon, an old man who makes a high-pitched sound and goes 'I didn't see anything! Actually, no, I saw everything and you were totally in the right hahaha don't even worry about it....' Red asks if he has a horse and he stammers that he's got a burro and Red is welcome to take it. "My horse died, or I wouldn't ask," Red clarifies awkwardly, before escaping with the old man's burro. It's now night, Red frees a Mexican man whom some nasty gang members were hanging from a tree as a form of torture. Red waits at the tree, presumably waiting for these guys to show up so he can kill them? idk. He falls asleep immediately and wakes up being guarded by the daughter of the aforementioned gang leader.

fuckin womp womp sound effect plays as he realizes what happened. My guy what did you expect? Why did you go to sleep at the Local Asshole Gang's Designated Torture Tree?

STOP LOOKING SURPRISED YOU HAD TO KNOW THEY WERE COMING BACK.

Anyways the gang leader's son just got killed and then he saw Red and was like, oh yeah I hear he's killed people. Good enough! New son figure and new gang member to fill the empty seat at the table! (Everyone thinks this is a terrible idea, especially gun girl. Red is like 'you're right, what a terrible idea, I'll just... leave.... *gun pointed at him threateningly* ok or not or I'll just sit here I guess')

There's a bit where the camera zooms in on individual gang members and names them. There is no way I am remembering all 5 of these guys at once. The girl's name is Jack though. Cool. Her dad is a creep and does not seem to like her much He does, he just gets really weird dialogue. idk, I have mixed but not very coherent feelings about how Jack is handled in this movie like, generally. Anyways gang leader Jim Payne comments that Red is 'older than I thought, but young enough for what I want to make of you.' He then goes on a rant about how when he was Red's age he had a mentor who shaped him into the man he is now and he's going to be that person for Red.

Red is....

Deeply confused by all this?? but willing to roll with it for his own agenda. If the gang helps him out with some Mysterious Tasks he needs to accomplish, he'll join them willingly. Payne is delighted to hear it. The first task is burying Red's dead father. Everyone chews on some loco weed and gets high as shit before setting off on this long journey (except for Knife Guy, who I guess is loco enough without the weed and thus declines it.)

TWENTY YEARS AGO (we are getting an extended flashback)

Pierre's dad, who is now dead and needs to be buried, was having an affair with Red Pierre's mom. Bob McGurk and the other guys Red wants to revenge kill show up at his mom's house and shoot some guy and assault her. (I thought the guy they shot was her dad but eventually, in a later flashback, we find out it was just like. some other dude she happened to know, and that the killers thought it was Red's dad). She swears to kill them all and eventually manages to kill the sheriff, leaving 2 others for someone else to please take care of.

Red Pierre's dad simply can't, because he is wearing a sweater. He can't shoot no one! Not in a sweater! Despite his extended musings about what a terrible man he was and how he's going to hell, he's apparently just not a shooting man, thus letting his girlfriend be tortured by the local gang for months (yes this went on for Months before she managed to stab the sheriff.) He's also not a "raising my illegitimate son" type apparently, so he drops the kid off at a random Mexican mission to be raised by the friars.

the subtitles helpfully provide pronunciation. Also, THIS PLACE IS LIKE 900 MILES FROM THE BORDER? IS THIS WHOLE MOVIE TAKING PLACE FULLY INSIDE MEXICO (IF SO WHY IS ALMOST EVERYONE WHITE AND SPEAKING AMERICAN ACCENTED ENGLISH) AND IF NOT, DID THIS GUY RIDE 900 MILES TO DROP OFF THE KID HE DIDN'T WANT TO RAISE SOMEWHERE HE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FIND HIS WAY BACK???? WHAT'S HAPPENING. WHY ISN'T RED SPEAKING SPANISH IF HE WAS RAISED DEEP IN CENTRAL MEXICO. HOW DID WE GET HERE. HOW DID WE GET ANYWHERE. WHY ARE YOU SO INSISTENT ABOUT THIS SPECIFIC GEOGRAPHICAL LOCATION THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. LIke don't get me wrong it's a very cool geographical location but what is happening.

Anyways, Red's dying mother whispered something (I thought it was her murderous plans but it will later be revealed that I was wrong about this) into his baby ears as he lay in her dying arms and now he's gotta go murder the bad guys that terrorized his mom but first must bury his illegitimate dad who was nice to his mom but did not protect her from the other guys and also did not claim or raise him bc the dad was married to some other unseen unnamed woman who is presumably also dead now I guess bc she's just not ever going to come up. Simple! I'm so confused. The priest who raised Red after he got yeeted 900 miles south into Mexico has a monologue about raising his beloved child and WAIT HOLY SHIT IT'S ANIMATED NOW. WE'RE HAVING AN ANIMATED SEQUENCE???

I swear to God I am not making this movie up. delightful. what is happening ever. anyways no wonder Red just goes "this might as well happen" about acquiring a new father figure in Payne, he has so many fuckingn dads already...

The priest is like 'yeah I didn't even try to raise him to be a good Christian I knew he was destined to be a total badass adn beat people the fuck up so I taught him to fight bobcats and grizzly bears and climb trees and catch fish with his teeth and shit. bc I'm cool'

The priest then coyly mentions that Pierre is too much of a badass in the boxing ring and nobody wants to fight him, so he uses him as a form of penance on sinners by making them box this violent child and get beat up.

THIS IS NOT THE SAME MAN? THIS IS NOT OUR GUY? DID HE LOSE ALL HIS PIGMENTATION AS HE MATURED. DID A GRIZZLY BEAR BITE ALL THE BROWN OUT OF HIS HAIR AND NOW IT'S RED? WHAT HAPPENED. THIS IS NOT A RED HAIRED BLUE EYED KID. IS OUR CURRENT GUY NOT RED PIERRE? IS HE ACTUALLY SOME OTHER DUDE? IS RED PIERRE (THE REAL ONE) GOING TO SHOW UP LATER??? WHAT'S HAPPENING. (This kid is a very good actor and a good fighter by the way, but he is not a good double for the guy he is allegedly the child version of.)

His opponent mumbles "que diablo" as he's getting knocked out with the most American pronunciation I've ever heard. I don't even know Spanish that well adn I can tell that's some extremely American Spanish. also

thank God we're free of the flashback. We've been here so long. No specific time given bc that would require me going back through this and I don't want to reexperience it.

...My theory about this flashback is it's showing us in realtime how Red's story becomes a legend (part of the intro featured a guy telling us and a bunch of children a story about The Legend Of Red Pierre so Storytelling is like, a Theme.) I guess? It would explain why current Red is kind of a sweet awkward quiet kid and flashback Red is Paul Bunyan if he was a ginger (but only sometimes.)

aww novice Red is so cute.

YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SHOW ME A MAP MONTAGE? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO REMIND ME OF THE 900 MILE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR STATED CURRENT SETTING AND WHERE THE REST OF THIS MOVIE SUPPOSEDLY TAKES PLACE? YOU WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT DISTANCE IN THIS MOVIE?? ARE YOU SURE

oh my god we get another different flashback about Red's mom Irene now and. His dad fully was there the day that the gang killed that other guy and assaulted her. he had a gun. he had the drop on them. he... ran awayyy! It haunted him. Finally, years later, he took his gun and went to shoot McGurk, who shot him instead. that's how we ended up here, Red still has 2 guys left to kill for his parents. I've now heard this story like 19 times and it gets slightly more complicated and yet somehow less interesting every time.

Red's batshit crazy rogue priest daddy is ok with the revenge and gives him a???? Cursed crucifix??? that will bring blessings to him and evil to others?????? What's happening. I was raised Catholic I did not get any magical amulets like this

ok so we're caught up. Red killed one of the 2 guys in the first big shootout of the movie, his dad was the guy getting shot in the intro. Jack joins the men officially as part of the gang. We are now getting backstory for some random gang member whom I do not care about.

Blessedly this was a short flashback. he used to be a blacksmith before he went axe crazy, or more accurately hammer crazy, with a hammer. I think he had some reason but I couldn't understand the dialogue in that bit so who knows.

OH NO ANOTHER GANG MEMBER IS GOING TO TELL HIS LIFE STORY NOW... IS THIS GOING TO BE THE WHOLE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE? PEOPLE TAKING TURNS TALKING ABOUT THE VIOLENCE THEY'VE DONE? wait a minute. false alarm. the next guy starts his story but is INTERRUPTED! By McGurk dramatically showing up. Ok fine that was funny. you got me.

anyways McGurk wants Red dead. what a shock. oh god another flashback PLEASE DO NOT ZOOM IN ON MCGURK PULLING HIS WIENER OUT PLEASE GOD

I do like the period accurate costuming in this movie. buttons yes. can I be done here? can the movie be over here? we're not even halfway in how can I endure this.

anyways. Red and McGurk have a showdown and fire simultaneously, each wounding the other. The other gang is delighted by this as the previously untouchable McGurk being wounded means his charm is broken. He can be killed! Eventually. (?)

The storyteller from the beginning of the movie comes back and tells us that McGurk disappeared for 2 years and that Red did lots of exciting stuff during that time but we're not going to get into all that right now. He also mentions that Red has the gang working with him while McGurk has 'always been a lone wolf'. This is straight up incorrect, as we had to see at least 3 painfully long flashbacks of McGurk and his 2-3 (I forgot) cronies shooting Red's mom Irene's friend full of holes and assaulting her. As a group! He did in fact have help before, if maybe not now. anyways. I shouldn't try to logic this movie.

The kids go to a masquerade. It's cute. Jack is enjoying the dress but worries it'll compromise her tough butch persona if the boys find out. Red promises not to tell anyone. There's a trippy extended rewind sequence that shows, everything playing in reverse, that McGurk, now wearing an eyepatch, has been stalking them all day, and then a completely unnecessary but in parts very funny sequence where McGurk gets a shave and the barber gossips to him about his backstory , providing a couple details we hadn't known but that I don't think matter much. 'now I never even seen a picture of McGurk, but they say he was an unnatural looking man, with a face you'd never forget,' says the barber, dabbing shaving cream onto McGurk's face. lol. It gets to be too much when the barber implies that McGurk dragged himself off into the wilderness and died somewhere, never to be heard of again. McGurk, very alive, pulls out his gun and asks if Red is still alive, and where to find him, thus bringing us back to before the masquerade, though first we must get ANOTHER flashback showing that McGurk did indeed drag himself off into the wilderness and ALMOST die, and he spent the whole time thinking about how much he hated Red.

Then there's a bit from I guess before the masquerade in which one of the gang members gets jittery over one of the others not showing up on time and tells Red he's bad luck, despite Jim Payne's argument that he's brought them nothing but good luck for these past 2 years. Red and the complainer square up for a duel and the other gang members go wait outside. We get some split screen of inside and outside the building:

It's fun but I'm not sure why it needed to happen. The complainer decides to just Not today and slinks off, but Jim mumbles that the other gang members will have to pick sides and a breakup is coming. We exit split screen. Then for no discernible reason we re-enter split screen.

Split screen gives us 2 slightly different shots of the same porch scene for a very funny and confusing moment, then McGurk steps into view in one shot while the gang doesn't notice him in the other. He shoots Jim Payne, Rodrigo and I think that's hammer guy? I think he killed the other non-complainer gang member earlier but the 2 guys sitting outside were shooting at a wasp and therefore didn't hear his shots, which happened at the same time? That section was confusing.

Ok NOW we're back up to the masquerade, and we have to watch a bunch of the same shots again. No wonder this movie is nearly 2 hours, it's mostly repetition, a lot of it of the same couple of flashbacks. Anyways, McGurk shows up at the masquerade, threatens Red, dances with Jack. Red gets knocked unconscious by someone and wakes up tied to a post in the middle of nowhere.

Oh look, Chollas! That places this movie as taking place in the Sonoran Desert, so somewhere in Arizona, southern American California, parts of Nevada or New Mexico, Baja California (unlikely) or northwestern Mexico. Filming apparently took place in New Mexico. You will notice that zero of these places are ANYWHERE near the one SPECIFICALLY NAMED location with title card and everything, TzinTzunTzan Mexico. No I'm not done being annoying about this I'm never done. Does anyone know how distances work?

Anyways. Red is tied up, concussed and dehydrated. The complainer from the gang shows up and mocks him. It was he who kidnapped Red! And now he's going to kill him. But fairly, of course. He'll give Red a weapon--he places it in his left hand and leaves him tied up, of course. And I am going to turn on captions for these because I need you to see that I'm not making this dialogue up oh my God.

"Because I face my challenges head-on! Like a train going down the tracks! I love trains. ...Robbing... trains."

Red shoots the complainer, whose name I will never not mishear as Gandalf (it's Gandall or something?) and then Some Guy happens along to find Red. I'm pretty sure this is the same guy he freed from being tied to a tree at the start of the movie but I'm not sure. The guy comments 'it's only fair' as he releases Red, so maybe I'm right? It's not super obvious if they recognize each other or not. He does threaten Red a bit first before freeing him. idk.

Anyways I think this man is hot and watching him playfully mess with Red a bit before releasing him was the closest I've come to sexualizing anyone in this movie. Mostly I have been too confused and haven't cared about anyone enough.

Red, now freed, finds McGurk McLurking over his mother's grave and yells at him to get away from it, furious. They have a showdown. Red shoots McGurk's gun hand, then drops his own gun and dares McGurk to try to pick his up faster. McGurk doesn't move. Red mocks him, then finally tells him that there would be no satisfaction in killing him like this, even though Red could, and to get out. McGurk leaves his gun, throws his belt of ammunition in Red's general direction and skedaddles. A flashback reveals that Irene told Red's presumed father whom he buried in the beginning of the movie that McGurk was the young Red's father (I did wonder about that. But also how did she know? Red was redhaired like his father. Well I guess his non-father was more blond but like. He definitely doesn't look like McGurk. And all those creeps had their way with her so like. how do we... know... that it's him.... in particular. None of these guys had red hair also. except maybe his dad who wasn't his dad.) but anyways... in Red's non-dad's one moment of bravery, he picked up baby Red, saw McGurk McLurking outside, and shouted 'the boy's mine. Get out!' at him. And McGurk actually McLeft. In the present, once again, he runs away from Red. an interesting ending, though I'm not sure I'd call it a satisfying one--maybe if it was more "Red is sticking to his moral principles of not killing where avoidable" was more of a Thing up to this point, but like, Red has killed a bunch of people and not seemed to mind joining the outlaw gang and presumably doing a bunch of crime with them for 2 years. So. idk??

It's then revealed via, surprise, ANOTHER FLASHBACK that Red had given the magical cross amulet thing to Jack before their dance and so has been winning these last fights with his own skill and no luck, which is a fun reveal I guess. It then cuts to Jack who has been caught and tied up by bandits though, so like, I guess the cross does not work at all bc that is just some real bad luck for her. So. What was the point of any of this?

The movie ends there. No explanation of what's going on with Jack. We do not see her get rescued. I don't even know who those guys that tied her up are. We've never seen them before. What the fuck is happening. ROLL CREDITS!

Ok thoughts: idk interesting movie. I didn't feel strongly about it. I think it's clear the people making it were having a lot of fun so that's cool. Red was kind of a fun character, especially when he's awkward and dorky. Very lovable. However his motivations and general morality are an enigma to me. For a guy who has that much exposition about him I'm really very confused about what's going on with him, which does not seem like it should be possible at this point.

Jack was potentially a fun character but I feel her dad was so weird about her gender while I didn't have a solid grip on how she felt about it herself. It's implied that she has to be a man to join the gang and her dad allows it as long as she dresses masc and shoots guns but views her as neither man nor woman. Potentially fun concept.. I really wish we didn't end the movie with a casual non sequitur of her getting attacked by some random dudes. Do we not have enough women experiencing violence in this movie already. It's in every fuckign western I watch and I am just so tired of it.

idk. I think Red should've shot McGurk. It's not like he was Not shooting anyone else. Why would he shoot all those other guys and NOT McGurk. Maybe he thinks it's crueller to make him live knowing that he had to run away from Red. idk. Also why did we have those two (and a half? there's a brief moment where he talks to someone in a saloon?) sequences of the storyteller talking about the legend of Red Pierre? What did that add?

I did like some of the humor in this movie. Generally I think it was rather incoherent but had some fun along the way. Maybe too much, to a confusing degree. I also liked the costuming and how dusty and greasy everyone looks.

I feel like maybe the characterization was clearer in the book but falls flat or just seems confusing in a movie... this is just a theory though.

Anyways. Unexpected parallels between this movie and the other western I'd never heard about before finding it at a thrift store and making a tumblr post about, Gallowwalkers:

-Some kind of secret society of magical wizards which is vaguely Catholicism-flavored and described as a religious order despite having absolutely nothing to do with real world Catholicism

-Older, morally questionable gunfighter notices a conventionally attractive younger white boy and immediately goes "that's my new boy. I'm adopting him. Boy, hello, I am your new mentor, whether you want one or not. Come shoot people with me." In both cases it's so weird and flat and confusing that I don't even ship it, despite being a known freak and Wanting to...

-generally confusing movie. Too much going on that is never fully explained and yet the stuff that is explained gets too wordy.

Anyways I skipped through the credits to the end looking for some explanation of the ending and did get this:

To be continued?? you thought you were going to make another one of these? well that explains the ending I guess. oh well.

There actually WAS also a brief funny stinger of the shopkeeper whom Red and Jack held up and told to lie on the floor and count to 5000 reaching 4998 and going "To hell with this" and getting up. lol.

[toomuchracket]

i’m such an angst girlie can we pls have some d word angst? x

maybe like in the early stages of their relationship before they r officially together and he kinda freaks out over being older than her and ends up upsetting her? not a problem if you’re not into writing like that x

yeah!! like as much as matty's a confident guy, the age thing is actually kinda a hindrance for him at the start - even though he likes you SO much and he knows you like him too and you're both adults and whatnot, he doesn't want to hold you back at all in any aspect of life. he freaks out when he sees a pic of you and some of your friends on a night out, not because he's jealous, but because you look so carefree and happy and just like you've got your whole life ahead of you (not that he can't relate to any of that. he's just high and hitting a para ok) and that he's going to put a damper on that by being older and maybe a little less energetic and more likely to settle down than go crazy in a club until 4am (like i said, he's high and in his feels). the next day, even sober, matty can't really shake the feeling that he's too old to make you truly happy, and i think he panic ghosts you a lil - you text him like "hi, are you busy? i was gonna call for a catch-up but idk what you're up to today and i don't wanna bother you. no worries if not, just lmk pls. maybe we can arrange going for coffee tomorrow x" and he just opens it and ignores it, out of some fear that by replying he'll lead you on. and he doesn't wanna end your little burgeoning romance over text, because he's not a dick, so the safest thing to do is just... ignore. idiot that he is, though, matty forgets to turn read receipts off, so you can see that he reads every follow-up text you send sparingly the rest of the day ("assuming ur probs busy. no worries! are you alright though? X"; "i've not done anything to upset you, have i? just that you keep opening my messages and pieing them x"; "i take it you can't/don't wanna talk today. i'll just leave you be, then. sorry for bothering you"). it makes him feel like shit, but he figures it's probably for the better. does he sleep at all that weekend? no he doesn't. and neither do you.

monday rolls around. matty gets to the office early in the hopes that he can catch you for a chat before you start work - it'll hurt, but it's best to get it out of the way. but you had the same idea; when he walks in, you're at your desk blinking sleep from your eyes, laptop open to your emails. you don't say anything but a curt "hi", which matty reciprocates softly, and the two of you sit in silence at your desks for a bit before you say "are you ok? found it a bit weird that you didn't reply to me the whole weekend. wondered if something was the matter with you". matty's like "yeah i'm fine. and i'm sorry for that. it's just... your pictures from your night out", and you're immediately on the defensive like "what? my pictures? why? were you pissed off at me going out, jealous? that's a bit shit" - matty's like "no, no, the opposite. i think it's good you went out, it just made me think of some things", and you look at him questioningly so he continues like "it just made me question if i'm good for you or not. like, you're young and cool and free and shit, and i'm kinda past that stage. and i don't think it's fair for me to hold you back from enjoying yourself and going out and pulling all-nighters, simply because i don't really wanna do stuff like that anymore". there's more silence for a minute, and then you speak up really quietly like "you're dumping me?", and matty's heart breaks, but he's like "i think it's for the best" - you're like "but i thought you liked me", and he's like "i do like you, darling, i really do. but i can't in good conscience limit you at all because of that, it's too selfish", and you get a bit angry like "no, matty, what's selfish is you not even bothering to ask me what i actually DO want instead of just assuming it. i don't give a FUCK about going out clubbing! i only went on friday to celebrate my friend's birthday, and quite frankly i'd have rather been in my flat having dinner with you like we did last week".

that's a total curveball for matty; he's like "you'd have rather... stayed in... on a friday night in london... with me?", and you're like "YES, you idiot, because YOU'RE what i want. i don't give a shit about the age gap - i like you, more than i've ever liked anyone else before, probably. and if i didn't or don't want to do anything you want to to, i'd tell you right away. but that hasn't happened yet, not once". matty's sitting there in total shock, just looking at you, so you keep talking like "look, if the age gap really is an issue for you, then i understand. but i really don't think i could go back to being just friends, matty, i really couldn't"; matty exhales and admits "neither could i", and your face just lights up like "really?", and he nods. and then matty stands up and walks over to you, then kneels in front of you so you're slightly above him and says "i'm so sorry for just assuming what you wanted instead of asking, sweetheart, i really am. can we have dinner together tonight as an apology, and we can just keep going as we were before i fucked up?" - you hug him like "we can have dinner, and we can try. but you better not do that to me again, healy, i swear to god. i might be a baby compared to you, but my communication skills have passed the gaga stage, trust me". you're laughing as you say the last bit, which makes matty feel a lot better; he rolls his eyes like "you're never going to let me live this down, are you? well, it's a good thing i still think you're the most attractive woman on the planet even when you're taking the piss out of me", and you're sarcastic like "god, stop flirting with me!", and matty's like "never. anyway, my place after work sound alright?". and you're like "sounds perfect. can you make that pasta we had a couple of weeks ago? it was amazing", and matty's like "whatever you want, darling, you'll get" <3

[bella-rose29]

episode 2 commentary - Let Go of Me

major spoilers for show and books, swearing, me obsessing over lockwood's hands probably (edit: definitely, and George's)

why did I immediately think jellyfish

omg the flowers

Luce you really shouldn't have taken that

just like @demigoddess-of-ghosts said, why tf are deprac asking if there's anyone else there when Lucy is quite literally screaming 'lockwood'

"miss lockwood" and "lockwood's my partner" 🤭

"we called your mother" ok well her mother is a Bitch so that wasn't a good idea

"rest up until he's given you the all-clear" like fuck she's gonna do that

omg the flowers!!!

ooo spooky green lighting

omg the ghost lock victims ward 🥲

I would love to know what they were planning on doing with this scene actually bc I feel like it sets up some sort of ghost lock victim storyline for the future - maybe using them for science? idk I'd just love to know

oof lockwood's hands

just this whole scene of lockwood

hands

barnes is not fucking around lol

HANDS

HANDS

the way he sits back in the chair has me WEAK

THE JAW MOVEMENT

can you tell I'm going feral

George's lil run omg

George is so neurospicy I love it

George your posture needs sorting out my love 😭

"You're meant to say no, Lucy" well it's difficult to say no to lockwood when he looks at you with his beautiful eyes and smile and-

"I'd say like a house on fire" 😭

my poor baby looks so tired :( and he definitely needs a shower oh dear

I didn't think I would hear lockwood with his queen's English call someone 'mate'

I love that George just says straight up facts

"posh one who thinks he's god's gift" sounds about right

"his weird mate with zero social skills" also sounds about right

I love that they included the tapes for norrie bc actually it's a great way of adding to the narrative (bc we don't have any voice overs) and we get lucy's view on stuff

and we see her survivor's guilt too - "like how I should have helped you" omg 🥲 (excuse me while I go cry in a corner)

ruby stokes the woman you are

"no it doesn't, it looks like I cooked it in an active volcano" pfffft George I love you

"Andrew lockwood"

"girls are funny about baths" he's trying goddammit

HIS SMILE

"she's not unhinged" "you're hardly the best judge of these things" "you need normal people around you" "you really think you're normal?" your honour I love their friendship

"the world's mad, and normal never fixed anything" gonna make it my motto

"let me... sleep on it" BOY YOU DON'T EVER SLEEP

oh Luce

okay but these special effects are so fucking cool

hang on why the hell did Lucy go to sleep holding the ring

Jesus Christ that scared the shit out of me

ooo green lighting!!!

pfft goes to hold his hand to wake him up

HIS FACE WHEN HE WAKES UP OMG 😭😂

also: NECK and THE FACT HE SLEEPS WITHOUT A SHIRT

I love the disgruntlement of george

WHITE T-SHIRT LOCKWOOD

"trousers are for wimps" ICONIC

omg I love that we get to see George's Touch!!! also his hand??? brb gonna go melt

LOCKWOOD'S HANDS AND FOREARMS WITH THE CHAINS

FOREARMS

omg Georgie it's not a wasp I'm sorry

ARMS

I am dying how the hell did Ali manage to make his voice say "oh shit" like that

LOCKWOOD HAS A RAPIER I'm gonna faint

"I can't believe you stole a Source" GEORGE YOU ARE ONE TO TALK

yeah Luce call him out

"we need to destroy her source and move on. let her go" I have so much to say about this omgggg bc on the one hand the episode is called Let Go of Me and rn I'm 1/3 of the way through this episode and they've repeated those words in different ways so many times it's unreal. and then on the other hand (spoilers for the books) there's the way that Lockwood isn't doing this himself, because he hasn't destroyed the source in his house and let his own ghosts go 😭

omg George loves an experiment you can hear the joy in his voice

NOT THE WAY HE PHYSICALLY MOVES TO PROVE HE'S ON LUCY'S SIDE omg they're becoming friends even if they don't know it yet

ARMS

OH LORD THE HOODIE??? I wanna steal it

NOT THE WAY HE HANDS HER THE RING AND LETS HIS TOUCH LINGER AND LUCY DOES THE SAME OMGGGG

THEY LITERALLY JUST STROKE EACH OTHER'S HANDS I CAN'T TAKE THIS

his smile omg

ruby stokes the woman you are omg

lockwood's face omg he's so conflicted bc on the one hand he's worried but on the other he's trying to not say yes when she goes 'you love me don't you?'

lockwood immediately pushing her aside

HANDS

HANDS

lockwood you need to stop taking sole responsibility for things

the sadness in his voice when he says 'this place is all that's left of my parents' omg

"Jesus, lockwood, we're screwed!" yep (also the way George says it is so funny help)

HANDS AND RING

barnes isn't taking any shit omg

such an ominous phone call

George's prison outfit (I can't remember who called it that)

omg I want lucy's playsuit

PINK SOCKS

also lockwood get your shoes off the table you heathen

no bc I actually want her playsuit

HANDS

HANDS AND RING AAAAA

:3

HANDSSSSS

"not a braying gallery for bellends" George I love you

BOBBY!!!

Lucy going straight in with the hard facts I love her

omg the scoff

THE SIDE PROFILE OF LOCKWOOD IS KILLING ME

kipps is such an arse

THE STANCE HE TAKES WITH THE SPARE HAND AND UGH

AND YOU NEED A LADDER

the way he says "yes you do" has me in a chokehold

the sMIRK

"irrelevant prick" love it

when the mutual friend leaves and you're left with the one you don't get on with

George you might be a weirdo but I love you for it

Lucy getting the juicy gossip and immediately becoming besties with george

ok well your mum is a bitch

oh lockwood wtf are you doing

"he's a little shit sir"

lockwood why

he looks so proud of himself I can't help it

"you're our biggest asset" oh boy

the regret on his face oops

"my judgement's been a little off recently" yeah bc you just met the love of your life

ok but women with swords 👀 bonus points if they're angry

HANDS

pink socks again

barnes once again not taking shit

she is a child sir you can't just spring that on her

omg Lucy :((((((

"let me go" - is that another reference to the episode title I see?

"lockwood's a charlatan" pfft

DONT YOU TALK ABOUT MY LOCKWOOD LIKE THAT

"they always make the most boring, unimaginative moves possible, don't they" - it's giving Cameron saying that everything is basic

lockwood read the room (cab)

"You were brilliant" boy's in love

"can we talk about this in the car" *taxi drives away*

"you might be able to turn your feelings on and off like a tap, but I am drowning here, lockwood" 😭

"You know sometimes I just... I just think I'd be better off dead" oh Luce 😢

also lockwood's reaction to that omg he pauses for a while and is all glassy eyed and then: "I understand that"

never mind them I am drowning here (in my tears)

"We need you, and it's not because you're an asset" "why then?" "because... because you're..." *looks away and clenches jaw* "Lucy Carlyle" *smiles really widely (I feel like he was considering telling her his feelings)

"we can't let you go" ANOTHER REFERENCE TO THE EPISODE TITLE

"that's why I went on tv, silly" WHERE IS MY BUCKET??? I DONT KNOW WHY HIM SAYING 'SILLY' LIKE THAT PAIRED WITH HOW HE WALKS TOWARDS HER MEANS I NEED MY BUCKET BUT I HAD TO PAUSE THE EPISODE TO MELT A LITTLE

"We're lockwood and co. you, me, and George" FUCK YEAH YOU ARE

"please stay" 🥺 (anything for you my love)

"so you'd look cool" lol

greeeeeeen

"you're more of a liability than an asset, Lucy" HE SAYS WHILE LOOKING AT HER WITH HEART EYES

oh Georgie

OMG HE HAS A PLATE OF BISCUITS AND A TINY GLASS OF MILK

GEORGIEEEE NO DONT YOU HURT MY BOY

green lighting!!!

"I'll take him" says boy with immense confidence

"can I offer you a cup of tea while you ransack my house? one lump or two" *throws torch and misses*

HNNNNNNNN THE NOISE I MADE WHEN HE DOES THE RAPIER THINGY AND GETS INTO HIS STANCE AND TWIRLS THE RAPIER AND PUTS HIS HAND UP

AND THEN WHEN HE DODGES THE TORCH??????? SIR WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE THAT FINE DODGING A FUCKING TORCH?????

oh my god the still I paused it on to write the above comment is gonna make me pee myself with laughter 😭😂 I wish I could screenshot to show everyone

ooo I might be completely delusional but Lucy smashes the mirror with her elbow in this scene (and the camera pauses on it for a good couple of seconds) and then plays a part in smashing the bone glass later on??? am I delusional or am I making connections???

Georgie omg

LUCY PICKING UP HIS GLASSES!!! I love this omg I would be lost without mine

HEHEHE STAB THAT INTRUDER

fuck me that neck crack was hot (also could lockwood fuck me please?)

green lighting!!!

also how did I never notice the stairs were spirally?

George you are so funny and I love you

I AM SORRY. WHAT. EVERYONE GO WATCH THIS FIGHT SCENE AND STUDY THE WAY LOCKWOOD FIGHTS/MOVES THE RAPIER IN HIS HAND BECAUSE- I need my bucket holy shit

George hauling those chains around like it's nothing 👀

green lighting!!!

yeah you better run bitch

"we should have people round more often" lolllllll

lockwood can kick me-

"why are you making that face?"

"that's not your normal face, that's your 'I know something you don't' face"

sweaty lockwood

George's face when she pulls the ring out is so funny to me 😂

"you lunatic" *lockwood grinning widely* I love their reactions

aww let Georgie swear :(

[geo-winchester]

Omg okayyy! Can I request an imagine with Taron where he's being sassy and the reader sarcastic?

MR. EGERTON

A/N: hi lovely!! Thank you for you request and I’m so sorry this took me a life time to write it but here it is and I hope you like it and it’s what you want for, if you have any other request don’t doubt to send me an ask! Lots of love!! 💙

——————

This wasn't the first time you were on a set, you were on another project as one of the nurses, you met a lot of people in this work and you love to see how the actors do their work, but this was your first time working in the same set as Taron. He caught your eye the moment he walked into the set, with that cocky attitude and that smile. You only talked to him once and it was enough contact for a month, he only talked about himself and worried about his look. That day you were finished ordering all your supplies when you heard someone knocking at your door, you were confused when you saw Taron was standing outside the door.

-Mr. Egerton, do you need anything?- you asked him, you noticed that he got confused.

-This is a really cool place.

-Thank you, but I don't understand why you are here, Mr. Egerton.

-You like to call me Mr. Egerton- he said -is weird to be around a star?- he said with a smirk, you scoff.

-I didn’t know Richard Madden was here- you gave him a smile.

-Ouch- he said - I came because I have two tickets for Friday's game.

-Really?- you asked, he nodded in responde.

-And what would be better than having a date with me- you thought for a moment.

-I can’t think of anything- you said with sarcasm.

-So what do you say?- you thought for a moment.

-Hey Johnny- you call your mate.

-Yeah?- he answered.

-Do we have anything on Friday night?

-No- he said making Taron’s smile grew bigger.

-Great, so you can go with Mr. Egerton to the game- Taron’s smile drops in a second as Jonny cheers -If you excuse me I have some things to do.

The rest of your day went as any other, you were on the set in case someone got hurt, you had lunch with Jonny, every now and then you felt Taron’s eyes following your paths. When you were hitting out, someone called your name, when you turn around you saw Taron running to you.

-Mr. Egerton- you said -Do you need anything?

-Why do you hate me?- he asked you, you sighed before you smiled.

-I don't hate you- you said -I hate when people feel superior.

-Oh shit- he said -I’m sorry, I promised you I'm not that way…

-What?

-Is just that… fuck me- he whispered -I didn´t know how to act around you and Richard told me that every girl wants someone who is in charge and thought for her- you couldn’t help but laugh.

-That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard- you said.

-I panic and I follow his advice- you nod and smile -Jonny told me that you didn’t like to watch the baseball, if it was for me I would invite you to dinner in some quiet place and while you tell me about your life- You smiled before you offered him your hand.

-Hi Taron, I’m Yn- when he understood what was happening he smiled and took your hand -I know a small restaurant where we can grab something to eat.

-I really like that- he said.

When the two of you got to the restaurant, it was full so you ordered something to go and he followed you until you stopped in a small park. He was amazed about the view and smiled when you set the food on one of the picnic tables that was in the park.

-This is amazing- he said -How did you find this place?- he asked you as the two of you grabbed the food, you shrugged.

-I’m not really sure, one day I was running and I don´t know why but I stop here and when I look around, I had this view and it took my breath away and I remember why I love this city- he nod making you giggled -I know it´s silly.

-No it's not, this view… wow- you smiled- so?

-So?- you asked, confused.

-I told you I want to hear about your life, so tell me about it- you sighed.

-Well, what do you want to know?

-Everything.

-Hm- you said -ok let me see, I born on a small town in kansas, I had an older brother, my father was a doctor and my mother took care of me while my dad work, I used to love to sing but my brother always said i sing terrible but i sang for fun but eventually i end up singing just in my car, I studied to be a nurse and one of my friends told me about this job and I told to myself, I never been on a set before, so I give it a try- you thought for a moment -I don’t really know what else to say- you said laughing.

-That’s a start- he said.

-What about you? Do you always want to be an actor- he nods.

-I started at 15, I thought it was the best way to make friends- you giggle -I went to the royal academy of drama.

-That sounds really important- you said, making him giggle.

-I have 2 sisters who I love with all my heart- you smile -I passed out on a performance one… what else?

-Your parents?

-Divorced, but they have a nice relationship, my mom married again and she’s happy.

-That’s nice, can I ask you something?- he nodded.

-How was working with Elthon John?

-Oh you're a fan?- you nod -he’s great, in what he does and as a person.

-How cool is to say “I know Elton John”- he laughs.

-If you’re thinking the same, that this has been a great date and maybe we’ll have another, then I’ll introduce him to you.

-Really?- he nods - That would make me the cool kid of the nurses team- he laughs- by the way I also think that this is going pretty well.

-Are you sure, you´re not saying that because you want to meet Elton?

-Nooo- you said joking -no I'm serious this taron is way much better than Mr. Egerton.

-Thank you.

-I just hope that your date with Johnny doesn't get better than this.

-I don't think so- he said as he got close to you -because you’re the one I like- he said making you blush, you kiss his cheek.

-So I think we can talk about that second date- you said making him smile.

[frigigly]

I do indeed want to eat glass anytime someone criticises the latter parts of Steven Universe without the context that it was rushed as hell by the network literally because of homophobic reasons.

Also the show is just good actually. Any arguments I've heard so far about the moral aspects of the show being weird seem just wrong to me lol.

I think the show does a very good job of separating characters' actions from the characters themselves? Like pearl tricking garnet to fuse with her was deeply fucked up and will never be ok, garnet makes a point to tell her she doesn't forgive her for it. And rightly so. But also the response to that isn't just pearl should die or something, its that she just moves on and learns to improve herself because that makes her happier and her friends happier, and this is applied to almost every other character too.

Like rose has done a lot of fucked up things, but she's not just supposed to be a villain 'worse than the diamonds' (insane that some people think that). She's the story of someone trying to remove themself from abusive familial dynamics and trying to improve themself despite that history. It makes sense that she takes on more of a negative/ sinister hue, considering the series takes place from Steven's perspective, and out of anybody, he's definitely allowed to hate her a little bit lol. But his own valid biases and feelings don't have to undo all the good that is inside her.

See also Bismuth, see also Spinel, see also Lapis, etc etc.

So when the diamonds do fucked up things, like corrupt gems, like indefinitely bubble the real roses, like maintain a fascist conquering regime, and then aren't killed as some kind of 'punishment', it doesn't bother me because I know this show, and I know it hasn't forgotten everything it's said up to this point. Just because they aren't actively being killed by Steven doesn't have to mean they're '''''redeemed'''''. They really were just not an active threat anymore.

It's ok to hate them! In fact I'm fairly sure the show expects you to. Even the fact that they were undoing the damage they had done in future doesn't just magically absolve them of how fucked up what they did was.

Like I really love the episode homeworld bound cause it's this almost mocking display to steven how everything is fine now, (throwing him right back into the princess gauntlet!) and the diamonds are sooooo perfect and cool now, and they have absolutely no problems, even though steven is in one of his lowest mental states to date. And the whole time steven is like "What the hell! You can't just magically make me feel better after everything you've done to me!" and they literally say to him "Lol yeah we can :D whats wrong lol why are you so mad, if you dont think you deserve to be happy thats your problem lol!" Like it's really giving pretentious ass self help yoga instructors, ESPECIALLY white like christ. Their egos are all still definitely there, they're just trying to make up for what they've done, because it should absolutely be on them to do so. It does not absolve them of their crimes and the show doesn't want you to think it does! And of course they can't help steven because they aren't fully respecting how much they've hurt him by that point, and all they do is send him further into his meltdown.

I really think you'd have to be blind to not see that even if Steven isn't fighting them anymore, he HATES the diamonds, and doesn't want anything to do with them now that he doesn't have to stop them from ruining his life. He literally does try to kill white but somehow people will still try to argue that he ''''''''forgave them too easily''''''''. I'm sorry but that argument really doesn't make any sense.

I know this show covers some very heavy topics, so it is going to be divisive. The horrors of how deeply your own family can hurt you is a reality many people are unfortunately very intimate with, so I do understand if people just don't like what the show tried to do, or if it just makes people uncomfortable, that's completely fair. I really do think though that the show is trying to stick up for people like that who have been hurt, and how you still deserve a chance to grow past it, it's surely not trying to dismiss or lessen anyone's trauma associated with their own past.

I'm sure in a better world we would have gotten a longer diamond days arc that didn't feel so rushed. Personally I think even future could have used another season, and the parts of season 5 exploring the fallout of the rose/ pink diamond reveal could have used some more episodes too. Unfortunately CN was very unfair to Rebecca and the crewniverse throughout the entirety of SUs airing.

Anyway I don't even know if I coherently made the point I was trying to, but tl;dr Steven universe is good actually, it should be looked at as a historic show for lgbt media and television, and it could have been even better if it wasn't being brought down every step of the way by a homophobic system, please support queer artists, love u bye

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

s/o works as a hacker. one evening, s/o and skelly decided to watch the news and after a short time, the news says that some anonymous hacker was able to defuse terrorist bombs scattered around the city in crowded places, thereby saving the entire city, and that they could give a reward in the form of a huge amount of money (for example, 1,000,000 or so) but hacker refused, because they didn’t want their identity to be declassified. after a short pause, s/o says "you know, we could be millionaires now or something" and then switches the news channel to a children's cartoon channel and continues to watch with a straight face. how would the main 10 react?

Undertale Sans - He blinks, then looks at you, then at the TV, then at you again. You're the hacker???? He's not sure how he's supposed to take the news. Sure, you're a hero, but you probably have ennemies who wants you dead now??? How can you be ok with that??? He's speechless, not even able to be mad at you. He just doesn't know what to say.

Undertale Papyrus - "OH I KNOW, BUT IT'S BETTER TO KEEP YOUR IDENTITY A SECRET SO THE GOVERNMENT OR THE TERRORISTS DON'T FIND YOU." "... What the hell since when do you know?" "IT WAS VERY OBVIOUS." "But it was not?" "IF YOU SAY SO." You're having an existential crisis. If Papyrus knows, who else knows? And why did he tell nothing?

Underswap Sans - His mind goes blank. He very slowly turns towards you. "IT'S YOU?" You nod, not even looking at him. "YOU KNOW I THE ONE WHO PROPOSED TO FIND YOU TO GIVE YOU A REWARD, RIGHT?" You nod and add you also know he's doing it so he can control your activities better and that's ok because he could never crack your computer anyway. And that you love him. Blue is not too sure about what he's supposed to do. He needs the night to think about that.

Underswap Papyrus - "Really? How?" He's confused, as he already forgot what was on TV two minutes ago. When you facepalm, he concentrates really hard and then suddenly jerks up. "WAIT YOU'RE THE HACKER?!" He's so excited, he has so much questions! He is also dying inside because it's really dangerous and you could die, but that's fine.

Underfell Sans - "as long as we have enough to pay for the groceries at the end of the month you do the heck you want of your free time." He doesn't mind. It's not even that impressive. That's just a few bombs. He's not jealous or anything. He's so not jealous he's not going to pout in his room.

Underfell Papyrus - He looks at you like you just grow a second head. "YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT? I'M NOT VERY GOOD WITH HUMOR." You just smile innocently at him. He freezes. Nah, you have to be joking. He's the one protecting you. There's no way you're some hero who just save the entire town. He would know that. He won't get fool by your weird shenanigans. ... But you were joking, right?

Horrortale Sans - Hum... He can feel something is off, but he's not sure what. He's not very attentive either and doesn't know what you're talking about as he kinda fell asleep during the news, hugging you. He can feel you got tense though. Weird. You can feel his big red eyes on your back, suspicious. Are you hiding something from him? Maybe it's best if he doesn't know.

Horrortale Papyrus - "WITH ALL DUE RESPECT WHAT THE FUCK." Both for the hacker thingy and the reward by the way. Willow is quite shocked you just defuse BOMBS and then refused 1 MILLION gold. He understands, but still. That's a lot of money.

Swapfell Sans - "YOU REFUSED 1 MILLION GOLD?!" Omg! He can't believe it! Who cares about the bombs, you could have been rich and you said no! He's so mad! Do you even have any idea what you can do with a million gold? That's too much for him, he's leaving! He will whine and complain all day long.

Swapfell Papyrus - He's a bit shocked but quite excited too. That's so cool! Can you teach him to defuse a bomb too? He wants to try! It looks like a fun activity to do as a couple. You're not too sure about this. I mean, the guy dropped his plate carrying it from the sink to the table...

Fellswap Gold Sans - Well that's awkward. Wine might or might not be the one who put the bombs here in the first place to explode some of his rivals. You can see he is very uncomfortable and he will definitely not tell you why.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - "yeah i won the lottery but accidentally lost the ticket, that's too bad." "What?" "what?" Well, what a plotwist.

[branwyn-says]

me, age 21, driving around my college campus in a rattling old vintage Chrysler, wearing a scarf, big sunglasses, and a 10 in cigarette holder: what did you do today?

me, age 41: went shopping with my girlfriend

me, 21: omg we have a girlfriend??

me, 41: and we quit smoking

me, 21: oh yeah of course

me, 41: and pretty much like 98% of our trauma is resolved

me, 21: nervous I don't know what you mean

me, 41: you're gonna post that Buffy fanfic and it's gonna change your life. you meet your best friends and the love of your life through fandom. a looooooot of people read your writing and say nice things to you about it. during the worst crises of your life, when your safety net dissolves, fandom has your back.

me, 21: ok that's awesome, what about the novels?

me 41: you reached your arbitrary goal of writing a professional manuscript and landing and agent before you were 30

me, 21: ok

me, 41: but the book didn't quite get published and after that you were busy being homeless. But you went on a journey, you had lots of life experiences, and now you're part of a found family with a platonic life partner, a kid you unofficially adopted, and a girlfriend.

me, 21: ....sooooooo

me, 41: yeah, we're happy. it feels really weird.

me, 21: ok, yeah, cool.

me, 41: ...

me, 21: ...

me, 41: yes, obviously, I still want to publish a novel.

me, 21: no, I...we've really been writing fanfic for twenty years? I just kind of assumed I would move on.

me, 41: you did get over the thing where you couldn't think about anything but your blorbos all day

me, 21: what the fuck is a blorbo

me, 41: but you got addicted to reading and writing as partnof a community, so. *shrug*

me, 21: ok, I get it. last question: who do you ship now

me, 41: lots of things, but I've been on a Kirk/Spock thing lately.

me, 21: [recoiling] You betrayed Bones.

me, 41: Forgive me

me, 21: ...no

[codecicle]

Ok so. Chip star wars au backstory. Basically, what I'm thinking is that the story is pretty much the same, with some obvious adjustments.

Chip grows up on board the Midnight Rose (a space ship this time, not an ocean one lol). It's the early years of the Empire, and the Black Rose pirates are both pirates and kind of an early rebel cell? sorta? They're still pretty powerful, like in the riptide canon, as the Empire is still kind of getting its shit together. And when I say they're *sort of* rebels what i mean is that, while they do actively dislike the Empire, they're not fighting them directly so much as they're being a general nuisance for them and stealing their shit and disrupting their plans.

As for the hole in the sea...well, I have two ideas for that would be.

Number one is that it's, like, a weird Force thing, which there are A Lot of in Star Wars. It's sort of like that weird fucking cube-planet-thing they get stranded on in The Clone Wars for that one arc with the Father the Daughter the Son--it's that sort of batshit fucking star wars thing, and it basically, like...sucks them in and the events of the Hole in the Sea oneshot play out pretty much the same way. This one I like because it has the wackass magical element to it and could thus account for the wackass Chip Lore that we're currently being insane about in the hiatus.

(The aforementioned Wackass Chip Lore does throw a bit of a wrench into the AU, since we don't know anything for certain about it, so when Riptide starts back again and we find out more this part of the au could be pretty much derailed, but adjustments can always be made and the sw lore is crazy enough that I'll probably be able to figure something out).

Second option is that the "Hole in the Sea" is a weapon of sorts--something the Empire is maybe working on in secret, something that they maybe found that was like, the ruins of an ancient space-civilization with super weird, cool technology yknow? And the black rose pirates end up there somehow (one idea is that it's like a gravity well, like they had in Rebels I think??? It might have been tcw i can't remember. Something that can pluck ships out of hyperspace like it's nothing). It could also be a combination of these two options--maybe it's some weird space magic thing the Empire was studying but then some Weird Magical Bullshit happened and drove them all out, but the Magic was like, awake, or something, idk I'm tired and that's all I have for now. This ask was not originally this long LMAO

Oh my fucking god I understand I get it. What if the hole in the sea was the Empire experimenting with the dark side of the force to build the superweapon that can just. Yoink a fuckin ship out of hyperspace and send them to some form of a rebel prison, but it ended up malfunctioning because the original designs were ones they stole from that ancient space-civilization you mentioned were made with the light side of the force/jedi use in mind. it ends up creating a sort of whackass void/black hole of the force in this pit deeeep deep into outer space and just like the Allport blockade, the Empire ends up telling any ships that try to leave the docks not to go there. the only people that can go anywhere near it are the ones that live on the nearby planets (like the underground towns and crew the albatrio found while in the black sea when chip got his heart ripped out), the Empire visiting bases (like the navy base from 114), or any rebel trader that's either stupid enough or skilled enough to disobey the Empire and make it all the way there and back alive. Since Captain Rose was one of the pirate lords, maybe it was an intentional and direct attack that just ended up backfiring and left them with no other option than to quarantine that set of planets and hope nothing else happened and no-one survived (they literally all did LMAOO)

[theskyexists]

The golden enclaves

Ok so i like how this starts with: Orion has been unutterably stupid

Please tell me that we will find out why

This was devastating.

But also WHY IS ORION SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT HE PROMISED TO GO WITH HER AND INSTEAD HE MADE HER LOSE HIM FOR NO REASON TO A FUCKING MAWMOUTH LIKE HER DAD WAS FUCKING LOST BUT NOT KILLED BECAUSE THE VICTIMS DONT DIE THEYRE DIGESTED FOREVER IN ETERNAL PAIN Jezus Naomi god it really is horrific what is up with this

Also, and I say this with absolute extreme disdain, El seriously only just now realised that she has perfect combat synergy with Orion and she COULD have destroyed Patience and freed her father from the eternal torment of being digested? Like......seriously? Did Liesel not even realise this, who is the only one with any brains? (I realise that Liesel at least had different priorities)

Also I am going to explain Orion's craziness and personality change in book 2 as such: he didn't have any mals to eat and so he went mad. He decided, like the piece of shit that he is, that he'd prefer to do months of battle against mals because at least he wouldn't be hungry.

The funny thing is that book 2 ESTABLISHED that El has ZERO absolutely ZERO idea of what goes on in Orion's head. Like. She doesn't get him AT ALL. So her prevaricating on how he's so misunderstood and pushed to be what everybody sees in him - he ALREADY TOLD YOU HE JUST LOVES EATING MALS HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ANYONE OR ANYTHING HE JUST LOVES EATING MALS EL STOP BEING AN IDIOT AND PROJECTING YOUR OWN SHIT ON THIS POOR BOY

She's literally comparing herself to him again. Look he was a hero and I was an evil witch. Everybody thought that and wanted that from us. EL HE DIDNT FUCKING CARE OK????? Worse, (and it makes sense in this moment), she somehow threads her mum's direct look at his soul into this narrative as some kind of reinforcement of it. He didn't care El. He didn't care. He's just a hungry boy.....

In fact, I cannot remember her classmates ever hating El. Because....they didn't even know she was fated to be an evil witch archetype? They just avoided her bc she wasn't an asset to their survival they thought which was so absurdly idiotic since EL IS A GODDAMN MAL EXTERMINATOR and she never told anyone because of her stupid fucking hangups she could have been a fucking prep and made everybody's lives so much better so much earlier

'because he thought it was his job to make a way out for everybody but him'

This is why I didn't like the second book so much. El is so obviously delusional about this guy.

I cannot STAND IT!!!! HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU HE HAS NO HERO COMPLEX EL!!!! YOU WERE HAVING YOUR LOVELY FIRST TRY AT SEX WITH THIS COOL GUY AND HE SAID: NAH EL. I JUST LIKE TO EAT!!! MALS!!!!!

And the weird thing is she GOT it. When she was getting his mana as he was zipping around pulverising them she was like: OH he loves this. I guess I was wrong. So why are we back here??? Or do I remember that wrong??

I've forgotten how the magic system works. Shit. Malia? Oh yeah.... There was some sort of prophecy. She was gonna bring the enclaves down and kill lots of people or soemthing. so why the fuck did they leave the payment open???

Oh yeaaaahhh the enclaves got hit

"She really did an excellent job of making it seem perfectly ludicrous for me to be living quietly in my own home instead of keeping close tabs on the latest news from international wizarding circles."

LOL

Can seriously nothing kill a mawmouth but El? How is that even POSSIBLE. How did enclaves ever work then? The moment a mawmouth gets in its over

How the fuck is Liesel THIS good at manipulating El. Oh my god.

Her saying: hey bitch, stop feeling sorry for yourself, your boyfriend being dead, no thank you by the way for saving all of ours lives, I don't care about your other problems, or that you might want a break from the horrors with your mum, also come help me out with the worst most insanely horrible creature in the world AGAIN because I know only you can do it. Bitch. Your house sucks

That worked....

She's going to London to fight another fucking Mawmouth - something her mother doesn't even KNOW SHES DONE YET - and leaves her behind without even a hug of goodbye. AFTER FOR YEARS OF TERROR. I honestly....I'm speechless. I started to suspect El was insanely dumb in book 2 but damn, she really is perhaps the dumbest protag I have ever known barring Korra

I love Liesel. Liesel saw El, FOR WHAT SHE WAS, and she CALLED HER OUT,, and said: you are such a stupid fucking idiot. In book 2. Thank god she's around. She's the only good thing out of book 2 really in my opinion. She says to El: you are insanely powerful. You could change the whole world. Now DO IT! Stop sniveling in the fucking dirt!

Ok there we go. There's my El. 'i eyed him in enormous irritation' her fucking disdain for the preps is my endless delight. Even to her enormous personal disadvantage.

Oh I see. It's like Naomi novik read my harry potter post about the wizards being the Fae.

I remember reinterpreting els prophecy into its super obvious good meaning but can't remember what it was.

How the fuck can Enclaves be based in Malia if that's not allowed (murder? But that's illegal.)

Oh what??? There's still working wizards out there working on keeping the enclave running??? Oh damn. Ok so the class hierarchy becomes explicitly about adult production.

Liesel made her angry again. Made El who she is again.

Why isn't everybody fucking fleeing dude??? Why are there still even people there? Grt the fuck out! The enclave is compromised! Get out with your damn lives you preps!

Oh my god. Go after it! It's fucking going after someone else!!! Oh my god go after it guys!!! IT WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM EL???? CAN MAWMOUTHS KNOW SUCH THINGS?

I have to say. Naomi made a deeply op protag and is now taking a more powerful hammer to the self-delusion that El mysteriously developed about her own power.

Liesel, impervious to El's natural intimidation vibes.

Oof i love all the delicate injustices and horrors in Liesel's life. Ok no. I no longer do. It's too painful

'“So it’s better to have power, and it’s stupid not to take it when you have the chance.'

Yeah. In fact. If I was Liesel I'd be beyond furious at El. Somebody so gifted, SO powerful, and she's just pissing it all away.

Jezus christ. Jezus christ! Liesel! A sensible person of intelligence????

Oh right. The prophecy. Killing thousands doom destruction. WHO IS GETTING KILLED EL COME ON THINK!!! THINK FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODSDAMNED LIFE!!!!! or tell Liesel about the stupid prophecy and she'll do it for you -_-

It was a nice thought though, letting the commuters into the garden but damn, yeah they're gonna obviously only be enthralled.

A TERTIARY ORDER ENTITY.

LIESEL WAS TRYING TO SNAG EL THE ELDRITCH WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE IS FOR HER HIGHLY EFFECTIVE POWER THROUPLE?

And I mean. Alfie is literally bound to El too. Wait. Is Orion actually not coming back...? Are we never getting answers? El's gonna fall for Alfie and Liesel? No....

Love how Liesel and Alfie protectively jump up and go: OUR entity. Lol

Oh ok so the compulsions off. She doesn't think he'd help her after she saved his dad, his home, oh yeah saved the whole school that he felt responsible for, and didn't even insist on keeping him as a slave.

I must admit, I did not at all expect El to be hanging out with Alfie and Liesel after all that. I thought, more like her team, but yeah they're not exactly in England. Isn't there travelling magic. Also I expect that Claire or whatever had a family member eaten by the mawmouth.

I was thinking that: won't commute from an enclave be really dangerous? So. Yes. But like. Why then even work for them. Oh ok so you could just go live in a villages with a few other wizards in a circle

Sometimes novik is not consistent about the vulnerability of adult wizards. But this description seems more apt.

Liesel coming in to say 'stop it!' to eldritch monster entity El like she isn't going over the deep end suddenly and very badly. And succeeding. And then getting Yancy to say what El wants to know. Wow they're a good team. I propose Orion/El/Liesel/Alfie super extreme power ..... Thing? Uh. Bridge structure?

El seriously is like: hm. Why is Liesel helping me now? Already turned her down....

El. You saved the whole school. You made that possible. You killed three MAWMOUTHS. You treat Liesel like a person you respect. You are a fucking entity who could do incredible things with a whole lot of help on the bits you suck so terribly at. Liesel owes you, thinks you're a good person, and is probably genuinely into you, also you need HELP. In so many damn ways. Being sensible, getting around in the world, being smart, getting it together.

Liesel has the most practical magic in the world. Wait. Holy fuck. Is Liesel like...Hermione???? Like powerful power top Hermione???

Wow. Damn. Amazing sex scene here. It makes me laugh in delight almost. Wow Liesel is an insanely stabilising influence. Literally kissing the trauma out of her head for a bit. (Edit: uh is there a fanfic version of this out there...?)

There was something so absolutely wrong with Orion and everybody kept trying to tell El and she never saw it because he became a person FOR HER. And she keeps trying to blame his family but his family probably endlessly tried to connect with him but he was just hunting mals. His father responding like this- just absolutely devastated over Orion finally having acted like a human being with somebody is enormous proof. Uh yeah and the rest of the chapter confirms this explicitly.

It really is harry potter but cooler and grittier and more horrifying and more interesting. Our dark'ness dementia ravenway.... The bit about how really witches when caught up in the witch hunt really can't get themselves out because the 'mundanes' negate it by the disbelief.... A direct reference to Rowling's note about witches making the fire tickle and going in for multiple rounds. Also the whimsical magic. But it doesn't have that magic to the magic. It's uneasy.

Man. So that's why novik repeated el's misconceptions of Orion in her time of grief. To finally disembowel them conclusively later in this book.

Yeah. The big question is. Why did Orion become a human being for El?

I love how aadhya and Chloe and Liesel are all instantly INSTANTLY like oh fuck El sees evil she's evil. They are still an extremely well oiled team

Ok but like, El could just grab new York's mana pool right. But yeah she'd become like ophelia

Lol right. By destroying so many mals ( i really didn't think the estimation had been 92 percent but ok) the enclaves lose their power. That's how El has already smashed them....

Oh wow. I forgot about that malia is stealing life force.... And mals come from Malia....

Which means.....that Ophelia is a huge maleficar and Orion is a big old mal. But she certainly is smart enough to say: we should look into reproducing what you did

Damn.ophelia is smart. She's really doing some magic economics

I really didn't know enclaves were built on malia. I think that's a retcon actually. Not just that El didn't know though also that naturally. It's to make this numbers game fit - to say - there's another numbers game beneath the numbers game - to make the mana and malia interactions fit. And well done novik for that

Because the golden enclave really does become the better solution.

I'm not sure how El going in to kill patience is going to help her recover the scholomance though. I mean. Turns out El could have just cleaned the whole place up all along but yknow. I already knew that.

Why did they ever even send Orion away. They could have just unleashed him endlessly on the enclave's mals. Probably infinitely safer and more pleasant for the enclaves children.

Is El really going forward with this? His mum is a maleficer oh poor poor hero boy Orion.... He was never loved. HE LOVED THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR THE MALS EL NOT BECAUSE HIS MOM HIS AN ETHICAL EVIL MAGIC HACKER

Oh no...please tell me that isn't Chloe's only role. She came late to the team but she was fourth!

Aadhya??? WHAT is Liesel's deal? Uhhhh she ran the whole thing? She made everything possible? Do you think she did that because she's a steely selfish bitch? No.

It was a moment of both weakness and total insanity in the literal senses of the word. So maybe you can thank Liesel for sexing El back into a somewhat functional state Aad

'Liesel made an impatient dismissive gesture. “Yes! You have a hook in her yourself. And why will we yank on these hooks? To make her protect us, save our lives? She will do that for strangers, for nothing. What else? You are her ally. Have you asked her to do anything for you? To make someone give you an enclave place, or an artificer contract? Why not?Because you are also a great martyr, who does not want these things?” She snorted as Aadhya scowled at her. “No! You don’t ask because you know she would say no. I tried asking myself. But she will do nothing selfish for herself, much less anyone else. And she is not wrong,” she added, in a grudging tone of having been unwillingly persuaded. “She is too powerful. Once she started, there would be nowhere to stop. So there is only one use of our hooks: to help her stop. You had better be glad that I have one, and hold tight to yours, too.”'

I fucking love Liesel. What the fuck

Lololololol

Oh my god. El angry at Liesel AGAIN for....offering exactly what she needs and wants and doing so perfectly. Lolololololloll

Oh my god is this the garden in sintra with all its fun fake-magic masonry caves and structures???

IT IS!!! I LOVE THAT GARDEN!!! If you're just out to chill and stroll and tramp around lovely fake natural structures that still look cool!

Sad the characters are experiencing such frustration in such a lovely place.

Adult Disneyland....you're killing me novik. It really was a nice place. I mean I was there when there weren't many other people. It was just nice gardens with caves.

Novik describes the portalling system for the scholomance. Yes. It still doesn't make any sense.

Ok but like the gardens are closed at night. Mals can get in no problem.

What im getting from this is that i had incredible timing and normally that garden is packed with horrible tourists

So....how is it that El has a direct link to New York's mana pool THROUGH the pool right into the scholomance?? Because all the wards are down? Ok but uhhhhh it's out in the void??? That's the whole point

UHHHH actually El I don't think you felt Patience scrying for Orion you just felt Orion

How the fuck is Liesel like, exactly the sharp cold sense that El actually WANTS every time?

Ohh ok so Ophelia somehow did make Orion as he is. Somehow.

Well OBVIOUSLY the Malia source is fucking horrible if it can bring an enclave into being. Like come on. Probably produces a mawmouth or something. And you gotta feed it 50 people or whateve

Damn. They're gonna turn Liu into a mawmouth. Its a sacrifice. Uh Novik. You better not go there.

Wow they were gonna make Liu a mawmouth and make her eat her closest full grown wizard family? I think so. Lets see. Go El!

I KNEW IT!!!!!!! WHAT IS THE WORST AND MOST POWERFUL MAL? WHAT IS THE GREATEST PIECE OF MAGIC AND MALIA? AN ENCLAVE

fucking hell. They're squeezing Liu into a mawmouth. Fuck.

No..her hand...

When I am very moved by a scene, i read it out, the first time. This was the scene.

Oof. Orion just ate some wizards. Surely he has less deadly weapons???? He really is a mal

Uh

Oh he actually really is a maw mouth mal? He's a fucking maw mouth? Her dads now inside fortitude inside patience inside Orion, still getting endlessly tortured. Uh...

'for all I knew' NO. DEFINITELY YOUR DAD

Well idk he's had pretty good control so far. Just unfortunate those damn Beijing council guys tried to kill El

Aadhya and Liesel going into negotiations as proxies for El who'd absolutely fuck them up lol

What a coincidence! You wanted to go to India. Now youve been invited to India! She gets angry

OH. MY. GOD. El actually learned a lesson. Asking for help. And of the right person. Liesel.

Wait a minute. She's been destroying the enclaves. By destroying the maw mouths. The maw mouths REMAIN the foundation. So those 'random' attacks. They were her destroying the enclave foundations while still on scholomance. They're lined up.

So if she kills this maw mouth - but still, why wouldn't her new foundation hold up. Oh she realises it completely too. Shit. I forgot that Salta and Bangkok simply died. She did that

Well honestly, Orion isn't such a bad solution, except the mawmouths in him don't die and also apparently he can't help himself eat people now....

LIESEL KNEW???????? WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!! SHES EVEN SMARTER THAN ME??????

Then surely there must be a foundation in the scholomance. And perhaps Orion is now carrying the mawmouth that pins it.

What the fuck do you mean this ain't a trolley problem. Just start in on propping up all the damn foundations with some real ones El. Then go on a lil maw mouth hunt

Ok but she doesn't even call her mother. Right. She can't. Forgot. She doesn't even DREAM AT HER MOTHER. Or some other magical communication. Not even about the family welcoming her after all or the true meaning of the prophecy

Actually since when is El capable of just catching others spells. And get mana from them?? Like some sort of scholomance? Oh yeah she s just so horrridly op

She's....catching bullets out of the air. And...turning people into stone temporarily with them. Fucking absolute lol

I get the sense that novik got lost in the Sintra garden... Like multiple times. Which is very hilarious because my god. It is very easy.

So weird to have fond and vague memories of this precise settting

Ok so i was right. And Naomi novik is a little bit of a genius for this. Real Orion, the realest Orion, was the Orion of book 1. The genuine hero. When there were fewer and fewer mals to eat in book 2, he became more and more maw mouth, started behaving strangely.

Oof. Better run El. He's about to start..... Eating.

What a fucking BASTARD. COULD HAVE AT LEAST HELD ON ONTO EL WAS NOT AT LEAST S HUNDRED STEPS AWAY

Damn El people are getting EATEN OVER THERE HELLO STOP FUCKING STALLING

The thing is all this time I've been thinking CANT YOU KILL THE BITS AND NOT THE BOY. KILL THE MAW MOUTH BITS BUT NOT THE BOY? THE BOY ISNT SOME ORGAN THAT CANT BE AUTONOMOUS. YOU COULD SURELY EXTRACT HIM WHOLE BECAUSE HE IS. YOU HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL INDIVIDUALLY REALLY ANYWAY

Oh my god. No

She did something much more

Damn. I remember wishing el would become child guardian in the scholomance but it's true that Orion would also do very well

But he's not getting mana out ...wait. he can still extract mana out of mals he snaps into the void? Uh ok.

That book made a lot of sense. And was very very very good.

[ryus3i]

Hanma Shuji x gn reader

Cw; lots of fluff, Valhalla, sucky writing

Request; Hellooooo can you write this? Hanma x gang captain reader who's in the same gang as him, whenever they're around  his normal attitude is just.... gone and replaces it with a more 'respectable type'. And reader knows he's down bad for them, they just act like they don't know just to make him go crazy/j

A/N; Ty for sending in a request! I wasn’t sure if you wanted them to be together or not so I just make them a couple, I hope that ok. Sorry for doing this so late btw school has been a pain.

“Shu, you're going to have to get off of me soon, the others are going to come in any minute” you say to the man clinging on to your body. Arms wrapped around your waist and head in the crook of your neck as you sit on old junk inside the rundown arcade. 

“Just a few more minutes, baby. Need you right now. 

Ever so often Shuji would become extremely clingy, mostly when he’s tired and hasn’t gotten any sleep. Today was one of those days, you don’t mind becuase normally he wasn’t as affectionate but you were currently waiting for the Valhalla meeting to begin meaning the members would walk in any minute. 

It’s not that you and Shuji are ashamed of your relationship or anything, it's just that I would make things weird in the gang. Especially with you being a captain and him being the number two.

“Shuji, come on it’s been long enough, you can cling onto me later”,you say trying to push him away but of course he doesn’t budge. 

“No, I’ll move before they come, don't worry”. 

The sounds of the members entering the arcade could now be heard, echoing throughout the building coming closer and closer towards you two.

“You know what if they find out they find out, and you have to explain to them you say, frustrated from trying to get him off of you.

A single “is anyone there” has your delinquent of a boyfriend off if you and leaning against the wall as he greets the members who gather in for the meeting.

You roll your eyes as you watch the scene in front of you, only Hanma Shuji could pull this off. 

“What were you two doing here alone,” Chome suddenly asks diverting your attention from the man leaning against the wall. 

“Nothing really, we were just discussing some things” you say hoping that he wouldn’t further question you or Hanma.

“Yeah, y/n was just telling me some ideas about some ideas to take down Toman that we should consider, '' Hanma says ever so respectfully. You have to hold yourself from rolling your eyes again.

“Okay cool let’s wait for a few more guys to come”.

—

After the meeting you and Shuji meet up again and he returns to his clingy agenda. 

“You know you are so fucking annoying”you say tugging on a bit of his multicolored hair. “Acting like you were clinging on to me like a koala when everyone came in.”

“I lobe you babe” Hanma says from his space in between your neck and shoulder. 

“Nah, I don’t think you do”you tease, now playing with his hair rather than tugging at it.

“For realsies babe, look I’ll even show you”, he says before kissing all over your face and tickling your sides.

In between your laughter you manage to let out an, “ok I believe you”.

“That’s what I thought”, he says before returning to his place in your neck.

Hanma Shuji was definitely down bad for you.