#we say a little because any (and we use this word lightly) “average” system probably wouldnt feel like a doll inside a doll inside a doll

[is-that-plural]

Matryoshka dolls

!!

rating: unintentionally and in the silliest way possible; thats a little plural !

[yelenasdog]

it was a pleasure to burn (spencer reid x fem bau!reader)

genre: fluff i think even though the name is v angsty LOL it’s a literal screenplay with the amout of dialogue i wrote LMAO so idk

summary: a particularly rough and disturbing case gets to reader, and spencer and reader are brought together by this.

words: just about 6k (my longest fic ahhHH)

warnings: typical criminal minds gore and violence just up a notch, they get on a plane at the end, somebody gets ~shot~, somebody gets ~bonked~, cursing, mentions of reid’s addiction, and i think that’s it. also the reader wears reading glasses but that’s the only predetermined factor of appearance. btw i don’t think i used any pronouns in this but i apologize if i’m wrong. 

a/n: LMFAO i was outside awhile ago celebrating litha with a nice lil hike and i saw a butterfly and i had just started watching cm and was like hMMm... killer who’s obsessed with symmetry??!1??!? y Es. enjoy 😼 EDIT: THERE IS SO MANY PLOT HOLES OMG FBREHJBFHEJFRE IM RBFBRE

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

Present Day, Central Park, New York

“Aren’t they just stunning?” The unsub spoke, keeping her eyes trained on the butterfly sitting happily on her finger. The brightly colored creature fluttered off her hand that was dripping scarlet, flying around her curly head of brown hair. Her, formerly white, blood-stained dress flowed around her as she followed it, watching in awe as it soared about. She giggled, plopping down on the grass in the middle of a circle of her victim’s pale, lifeless bodies, all of them with ironically morbid butterflies resting upon the frail skin of the corpses.

“Aren’t they, agents?”

She slanted her green eyes, gripping the grass a little harder. I flicked my tongue over my lips nervously, looking over to the lanky man on my left. He simply shrugged, just about as sure of how to handle the situation just as much as I was.

“If I knew you all were coming, I would have cleaned up, I really would have, I promise.”

We slowly walked towards her, twigs and leaves crunching under our feet. It could have been comparable to a hunter stalking its prey, but it unfortunately was quite the opposite.

6 days earlier, Quantico, Virginia

“3 bodies, all found within the last 48 hours in rural New York. So far, the first body has revealed that although it was dumped upstate, the victim was murdered in the city, and the same most likely goes for the other bodies as well. Nails well manicured, no drugs in the system. They aren't junkies, we’re dealing with upper class citizens.”

My face contorted as I took the photos from Reid’s hands, his large and tanned one surprising me by how soft it felt as it accidentally brushed against mine. I blushed like a madman, looking to see him doing the same thing. I cleared my throat getting Rossi’s attention.

“Why are we only now hearing of this?” I questioned, flipping through the images as I did so, my confusion only growing. I didn’t recieve an answer, leaving my curiosity to bloom.

“Wait, how did you say they were killed again?”

Morgan looked up, taking the photos from me. “He didn’t.”

I sighed, pushing my glasses up on my nose.

“Is there at least any correlation between the bodies and the butterflies?”

Our attention was shifted to JJ, the resident expert on the insects.

“Actually, the ones being found with the bodies are from the Amarynthis family, all native to Latin America. They weren’t there by accident so yes, they’re somehow related.”

Rossi stood up, grabbing his coat.

“Well, none of this is nearly enough for a profile, so pack your bags and tell the others, wheels up in an hour. We’re headed to New York.”

4 days earlier, F.B.I. Field Office, New York, New York

“The final report from the latest victim is in, all the autopsies are clean. They show no signs of struggles, no marks, no blood, no anything. The eyes weren’t bloodshot, so suffocation is ruled out, and that was our best bet.”

I sighed, sliding the case file across the glass table to Spence as I took my seat, sinking into it and allowing myself to be consumed by its warmth.

“So what your saying is that we’re back at square one.”

I looked up at Hotch from where I sat, running my hand through my ponytail.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”

Just then, the young Doctor spoke up as he flipped through the pages.

“The eyes weren’t just not bloodshot, there was barely any blood left in any of the victims bodies, only about 3% of the volume left. The killer drained them.”

Morgan gave me a shocked expression, silently asking for an explanation.

“Which you failed to mention, Y/n.” Aaron spoke, agitation once again present in his voice.

I looked at the ceiling, crossing my arms in front of me before turning to face Hotch once more.

“Yeah, well, I thought it was obvious when I said no blood.” I stuttered out cautiously.

“On the bodies! Not in the bodies!” Morgan exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in what was in my opinion, very childish. Everyone else in the room aside from Spencer was either shaking their heads or pinching the bridge of their noses, and reasonably so.

“Look, I’m sorry I just didn’t see it in the report, plus, In the scheme of things, it just doesn’t seem to matter.”

I soon regretted my words, realizing how ill-fit they were for the current conversation I was having. Spencer looked up, tilting his head.

“Doesn’t seem to matter? How? There’s an endless amount of possibilities now that we know this. If we had known it sooner we probably could have figured out the pattern and caught the one doing this!” He harshly spewed, his voice acting like a crescendo of sorts, quiet and calm and moving towards a loud and violent tone. Tears began to prick at the corners of my eyes and I was starting to feel guilty, not to mention absolutely stupid as could be.

“I’m- I really am sorry guys, truly.”

Hotch locked eyes with me, taking a stern tone that one would usually take with a disobedient child, perhaps even Jack.

“I hope that’s a comfort to you when another body shows up. That’s their blood on your hands.”

I was frozen, the gravity of the situation taking its toll.

In the background I heard him say something to Morgan about a new profile having to be made as there were many new things to be known from this revelation. But it all went in one ear and out the other, just unpleasant white noise.

As I clumsily stumbled out of the room, I felt Reid’s eyes burning holes into the back of my brain. I was quick to turn my head to meet his glance, causing him to look down. I felt bad, the weight on my chest growing heavier from the interaction.

I sat down at my desk, turning on my computer and immediately going to google. I typed in “hypnosis” and let the info trickle in.

About 30 minutes later, I still felt absolutely horrible, but I had also put together a valuable profile in the time that had passed. I shut the newly finished file, blowing an abandoned strand of hair out from my eyes. I had to do a double take when I saw Spencer staring once more, his deep hazel eyes meeting my own. I gave him a small smile before standing up and walking to Hotch’s makeshift New York office. I pushed open the heavy door, placing the folder on his too-clean desk.

“What’s this?” He asked, taking it in his hands.

“My theory about the unsub. I think I know what she’s been doing. You can tell the team if you want, I’m not sure if they would wanna hear it from me. ”

He gave a small smile, pushing the file back over to me.

“You get the team together and I’ll get the local PD caught up. You tell them yourself.”

A few minutes later, everyone except for Reid had gathered in the meeting room. I peeked through the half closed blinds that allowed a line of vision to his desk in an attempt to locate him. He was positioned there, staring blankly at his laptop that appeared to have nothing on the screen. I knocked on the window lightly to catch his attention, his glazed over eyes looking in my direction. I tilted my head at him, silently beckoning him to join me. He only shook his in response, shaggy brown locks swaying back and forth. I sighed, frowning at his action. I turned to the group, clasping my hands in front of me.

“Everyone, this will just be a second if you’ll excuse me.”

With a raised eyebrow from Hotchner and a jab in the direction of Spencer’s workspace, I swiftly walked out of the crowded room.

“Spence, care to join us?” I asked, resting one of my hands against my hip, the other on his orderly desk.

“No, I don’t think I will. I need to try to figure this out before she finds her next victim.”

“What makes you think the unsub is a she?” I searched his eyes that had seemingly become brighter at my piqued interest in his hypothesis.

“Well, the unsub seems to be obsessed with symmetry, all the bodies being found in obscure yet symmetrical positions. This could suggest she had some sort of deep rooted insecurity, possibly from some sort of bullying from growing up in a small town where she was looked at as a superior for subpar looks. She moved to the big city, expecting a big break. Instead she was shunned for being less than average. She grew frustrated and as a result, she began her killing spree. The stresser could have been one too many insults that made her snap. Plus, that would account for the butterflies left on the scenes that are used in modern examples of both femininity and symmetry.”

I smiled widely at his words.

“What- why are you smiling, what are you smiling at?”

I tapped his desk, rolling my bottom lip between my teeth. I headed back towards the conference room, looking over my shoulder.

“Because, I’m glad we’re on the same page, Dr.”

��—————

“So, our girl, as Dr. Reid has explained to us, is obsessed with her appearance. She’s an organized killer, no mistakes and no signs of blood or anything of the sort on scene. She has practice, she does this sort of thing every day. She is most likely in the age group of 23-30, and has a job in the cosmetic industry, our guess is in plastic surgery. She probably volunteers weekends at local butterfly sanctuaries or zoos, finding comfort in their perfection that those in her life, or formerly in her life, cannot and could not provide.”

“Which would explain to her easy access to non-native species of the insects. She has an absolute infatuation with symmetry, which yet again, links the butterflies on the crime scene to her MO.”

Spencer and I were vividly explaining our shared theory to the team, as well as local law enforcement. He was excited by his discovery and the lead on the killer, and his energy was contagious.

“She kills without remorse and out of jealousy, picking victims who all have one thing in common.”

Spence pointed to all of the images pasted on the board in the center of the room, all of them split in half and reflected, creating a perfect mirrored portrait.

“They all have perfectly symmetrical faces, as well as strong jawlines and high cheekbones. As most of these victims are models or those searching to start a modeling career, we believe she is luring them in with a photographer trope, promising to make their dreams come true.”

I nodded, taking a moment to study Reid’s own sharp yet somehow soft features. I allowed my eyes to wander over his sunken in, kind, and curious eyes; his pillowy pink lips that are in dire need of some chapstick.

“Agent?”

I turned my head, snapped back to reality by Rossi calling my name.

I gave a tight and quick smile, returning to the topic at hand and tactics to catch the unsub. But of course not before Emily gave me a crooked smile, resulting in me rolling my eyes.

“Physically, she’s nothing special, most likely a mundane appearance or one with quite obvious surgical changes. No in between. Check all of the plastic surgeon offices in the area for both employees who fit our description, as well as a patient who has gotten any serious facial mod operations. Do the same for any weekend volunteers at local zoos and animal sanctuaries, specifically working with any insects.”

It was an NYPD officer then that spoke up this time, raising her hand briefly.

“But, you still haven’t mentioned how she’s killing them?”

“Hypnosis.” Reid and I both spoke at the same time. He looked to his black Converse, sliding his hands into his pockets. I observed the room and all of the skeptical faces filling it.

“Even if it may sound far fetched, we saw no signs of anything that indicated a struggle or even any marks or wounds. This led us to believe that some form of hypnosis was used to allow her an easy kill. This means extra caution will have to be taken when actually handling the unsub. Even though we’re positive she’s using hypnosis, which method she is using to actually kill them after the fact is what we’re unsure of.”

I turned to Spencer, handing off the explanation to him.

“We think that because of her whole thing with symmetry, she wouldn’t want to disturb the natural state of the victims and their faces, even if she would do the same to her own.”

“Which means?” JJ asked, her blue eyes slanted and glossed lips left ajar.

“It means that the unsub wouldn’t want to leave any large marks like stab or gunshot wounds.” I nodded at Prentiss, who had made the assumption, confirming she was correct.

“With her presumed background in plastic surgery, we believe she was able to make small incisions that made no visible scars. We’re having the coroner look back over the bodies as we speak.”

“She drains the body’s blood 97% of the way before closing the holes up. What she does with the blood, we don’t know. Another Eddie Mays, perhaps.”

I looked over to Spencer, raising my brows at his comparison. He was quick to defend himself, shaking his hands left to right and mouthing “No” while simultaneously shaking his head the same way, something he seemed to be doing often as of late.

After we had finished consulting with any officers who had remaining questions, we branched off to conduct our own routine investigations. We found that the only thing they all had in common apart from the symmetrical faces, is that they all had visited the Central Park Zoo in the 24 hours before they were killed. We received a phone call from Garcia not long after we put together those pieces, being alerted that there was one girl who had, in her words, “Hit every mark there was to hit, sunshine.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

“Her name is Alessia Copelas, she works weekdays as a surgeon's assistant at Premier Cosmetic, and weekends at Central Park Zoo from 4-8 p.m.”

I smiled at the new info from the blonde bombshell known as Penelope, turning to Reid who was still looking at me quizzically.

“Alright, thanks babes, you’re the best.” I spoke into the phone, a comical “Mwah!” made from either side as we hung up.

He shook his head, keeping the odd look on his face.

“I swear, you guys have a weirder relationship than her and Morgan.”

I laughed, sliding my phone into my back pocket.

“Oh, please, Spence.” I gingerly placed a hand on his cheek, patting it twice.

“You’re just jealous.” I made a pouty face, letting my hand linger before walking off. “Come on, we’re going on a field trip.”

“Where to?” He asked, gripping the door frame, using it as leverage to swing himself closer to me. He took long and quick strides, catching up to me in no time.

“You like animals, right?”

———————

4 Days Earlier, Central Park Zoo, New York

As soon as we entered the zoo, our ears were filled with the sounds of the loud screeches of birds and monkeys alike. Reid covered his ears, cringing and making his displeasure known with an “Ahh!”

I smiled at his geeky behavior, admiring the animals in the enclosures. I paid special attention to a particularly impressive species of tarantula, leaning down to admire them. A few moments later I looked to my left and saw Spencer doing the same thing.

“Did you know that arachnids have asthma which is why they don’t run for extended periods of time, similarly to cheetahs?”

“Yes I did.”

His face scrunched up in an adorable manner, causing an involuntary giggle to fall past my lips.

“Well did you know that-“

“Ma’am?”

I turned to see a young woman with flaming red hair and a freckled face smiling at me, her green collared uniform top complimenting her eyes of a different shade wonderfully.

“Oh, hi, I’m Agent Y/l/n and this is Dr. Reid, we’re with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.”

Her expression shifted to a more confused one, her smile not leaving her face.

“What can I do for you two?”

“Is there an Alessia Copelas that works here, maybe volunteers on the weekends?” Spencer asked, his puppy dog eyes immediately warranting a response.

“Yeah, she volunteers here, she seems nice. Is she helping with an investigation?”

“Well we think that she may have some part in a series of murders.”

Her smile disappeared this time, turning into a cement frown as panic flooded her body.

“Oh God, was she- Is she a killer? Have I been working with a killer for all this time? I mean, I never had any shifts with her but from what I heard I thought she was so sweet-“

“Look,”

Reid glanced down to her name tag that read “Lillian” before meeting her eyes. His tongue darted out, licking his lips, a nervous habit of his I’d picked up on.

“Lillian, we aren’t sure if she’s the killer we just needed to get a feel on her and get some information regarding her personal life.”

She started frantically nodding her head, more trying to convince herself she was okay rather than ourselves. I looked over her shoulder at some exhibits, thinking to myself how this would end up being a waste of our time if this poor girl couldn’t get a grip on herself.

I was soon proven wrong when I looked over to see a young girl wearing an identical uniform to Lillian, probably somewhere between 23 and 24. She had untamed chocolate locks with bangs that stopped just above the shoulder, blemishes covering her T-Zone, and a rounded face to go with it.

The cherry on top? Under her arm she carried a small enclosure with what appeared to be amarynthis meneria, the same butterflies found on the victims.

I tapped Reid on the shoulder once as discreetly as possible, catching his attention. I heard him mutter a small “Oh God” before he told Lillian to walk away calmly and quickly. She ignored his request, turning to look at Alessia, letting out a blood curdling scream and sprinting the other direction.

“Shit.” I cursed, beginning to walk towards Alessia, Spencer by my side. I smiled at her, trying to appear friendly. Reid spoke up as we got closer.

“Hello, do you by any chance-“

wham!

“Spence!” I exclaimed, reaching down to help him up from where he had fallen from being whacked by the 4’2 pyscho that was Alessia Copelas.

“Did she get away?”

I turned to see her gone, the only sign she was even here being the forming bruise on the Dr’s face.

“Yeah. She did. I’m sorry, Reid, that was really stupid of me.” He shook his head, running his own hand over the raw skin.

“It’s fine, I would have done the same for you.” He looked up, and I wasn’t sure if it was my school-girl esque crush on him or the fact I just had another experience with a serial killer, but my heart was racing nonetheless.

————————

F.B.I. Field Office, New York, New York, 1 Day Earlier

The stress levels in the room were high.

Despite our best efforts, several more bodies had been found, New York’s narcissists were in a state of panic, and the spirits of the BAU were down to say the least.

“What? Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed, looking at Hotch in disbelief.

He rolled his chocolate eyes, fanning the folder containing the new information we had gathered on Alessia.

“I wish I was, Y/n. She’s off the grid completely, her apartment is empty, phone and credit cards have been deactivated, and the surgeon’s office hasn’t heard from her for 5 days. And the media has decided to give her the name ‘Butterfly Baron’, so she’s probably been fueled even further. We need a new lead before she strikes again.”

I scoffed, standing up and pushing my chair away.

“This is unbelievable. How many times do we have to reinforce the idea to local PD! Especially when the unsub is a self absorbed psycho, do not give them a name! God, I really cannot fathom this.”

I reached up, letting my hair down from where I had messily thrown it up upon my arrival to work that morning.

I stormed out of the room, my heels clicking behind me. I ignored Hotch’s calling of my name, making my way to the closest restroom.

I went in, locking the door behind him. I ran my hands through my roots, tugging just enough to where it hurt.

Turning the water to the left all the way, I splashed it from the stream leaving the faucet on to my face. I scratched my fingernails against the skin, wiping away the tears that had escaped.

“This is all your fault, y/n.” I whispered at myself in the mirror, doing my absolute best to engrain the message in my brain. I had my head hung in shame when a knock rang out.

“Y/n?”

It was Spencer. My mind started going a million miles a minute, thinking about why he could be there. With my voice raised a few octaves, I tried to scrape up a response.

“I’ll be out in a few, Spence.”

It was quiet for a split second, leaving me to foolishly dance around the idea that he had left me to wallow in my sorrowful thoughts.

“Y/n, Hotch wanted me to check on you. Are you ok?”

My heart slightly sank at the idea that he might’ve just come to check on me because he himself was worried. I discarded the thought, bringing myself back.

“Y/n can you please answer me? If you don’t open the door I’m gonna send in JJ or Emily.”

I sighed, wiping under my eyes where my mascara had smudged, begrudgingly walking over to the door. Just as my hand landed on the silver handle, his voice that was constantly playing in my head echoed out once more.

“Y/n, please? I need to know you’re okay. I’ll come in there myself.”

A soft smirk graced my face as I turned the handle to reveal a worried looking Spencer.

“Y/n, oh God, you had me worried.”

He was quiet when he spoke and his hair looked messy, like he had been running his slender fingers through it in a stress filled state.

I sniffled, attempting to still keep back tears that were still threatening to spill.

“I’m alright, Spencer. Really, I’m fine.”

He gave me a small smile, his eyes meeting my own.

“I know, it’s just that when I had my Diludad problem,” he hesitated.

“I would lock myself in bathrooms to shoot up, and I know you aren’t having a problem like that but I just was worried about you- what are you doing?”

I cut off his rambling by throwing my arms around his middle. He tensed, but quickly melted. He wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders and my waist, laying his head on mine.

“Y/n, I promise you, you’re doing your absolute best to stop Alessia. We wouldn’t even be where we are right now if you hadn’t made the connections. Those deaths are not your fault.”

My tears finally began to cascade like a waterfall, staining his shirt.

“I know, but it’s just like it is all my fault! I could have paid closer attention, or-or, I could have went after her at the zoo, it’s all my fucking fault, Reid.”

I sobbed into his shirt, my hand gripping his shirt like my life depended on it. Like if I let go I would fall into a deep, deep, endless hole.

His hand on my waist moved up to cradle my head.

“It’s not, I promise you-“

He was cut off mid sentence by the ringing of his phone.

“I am so, so sorry-”

I pulled away, breifly touching under my nose with my wrist, then moving a hair behind my ear.

“Nope, it’s fine, don’t worry.” Our words almost had overlapped each other as we clambered to fight the tension that had risen. I closed my eyes, tilting my head up, thinking about how unprofessional yet intimate our previous position had been. How wrong, yet how right it felt.

I kept running the moment through my head, the feeling of his warm figure encasing mine on replay.

His phone call played as background noise to the film playing in my brain, his voice calming me to an extent.

“Yeah, we’re on our way. Thanks, Morgan.”

He closed the phone with a snap, also snapping me out of my trance, putting the movie on pause.

“They’ve got a hit. Copelas was seen dropping by her old apartment.”

And for the first time since that Goddamn case had started, I smiled genuinely.

“Let’s go get her.”

————————

15 Minutes Prior, Central Park, New York

“Hotch?”

“Yes?” He looked back from where he was driving, following our lead in a rushed manner.

“What will we do if she...” I trailed off.

“Hypnotizes one of us?” He finished for me. I nodded solemnly.

The look on his face was conflicted and it took him a moment to come up with a response.

“We kill her before we have to kill one of our team members.”

He saw a look of uncertainty on my face and spoke up once more.

“And that’s an order.”

I nodded again, making eye contact with him through the rear view mirror. I fell back into my seat, closing my eyes briefly.

After a few more minutes on the road, we had arrived.

The doors all slammed to the SUVs, one after the other as we stepped out.

“The letter said that she would be here, somewhere here.”

The voice of Morgan was channeling through my earpiece, referring to the letter found at her apartment that she had left just for us.

“We ordered evac on citizens, correct?”

The unsure voice of JJ was also heard through the earpiece, her uncertainty quite unusual to hear.

“Yes, it was the first thing we did, Jayj.”

I whispered, a sly smirk from Spencer forming at my behavior.  

“Oh shut up.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

snap!

Our senses adapted, becoming dialed to 11 at the sound of a twig snapping under someone's feet.

“Was that you?” I mouthed to Spencer. He shook his head no and I silently cursed to whatever force was listening.

I nodded, which he then reciprocated, the pair of us slowly walking towards the source of the sound after he did.

“They’re going to remember me, I’ll go down in history.”

The voice was sing-songy and quiet, floating through the air. I took a shaky breath, continuing my steady pace.

My breathing momentarily halted soon after.

Different variations of “Oh my God”s, and loud gasps from almost everyone on the team flooded my ear canal at the horrifying sight in front of us.

Red. So much of it.

“Guys, I think we know what she’s been doing with the bodies’ blood.”

“No shit.” I muttered under my breath.

She was bathed in the blood, it looked like something straight out of a horror movie.

“Alright everyone, I want you to approach her as quietly as possible, Morgan, if you get the chance, corner her.”

Hotch’s voice was a stark contrast to her own, Derek’s response all the same.

—————————

Present Day, Central Park, New York

“But Agents, you still haven’t answered my question. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Alessia Copeleas, FBI, come on, get up, lets go.”

Derek’s voice was stern, not asking, but demanding that Alessia come with us.

“I’m afraid I just can’t do that, Agents.”

She stood up abruptly, causing all of our weapons to rise. The sun reflected off of the silver metal of Reid’s gun, sparkling in a stunning way that caught me off guard.

We all were trying to act as if we were in total control of the situation, but we could tell that us nor Copelas really believed that. Her words were her weapon, and this was the one time where words could hurt, but sticks and stones had virtually no power.

“Take another step and we will have no hesitation to fire.”

She smirked, rolling her eyes.

“If you do, will I be famous you think? You think they’ll hear about me back home?”

Her curls softly blew in the wind, making her appear almost harmless, maybe even endearing, if it wasn’t for the hardening coat of human blood soaking her clothes and seeping from her skin.

“Is that what you want? The kids back home and everyone here to hear about you? You want ‘Butterfly Baron’ written on every billboard in Times Square, your picture painted in museums, films to be made in your honor?” Reid was the one who spoke up this time, his voice remaining strong. Her eyes shone with a sickening excitement at what he said.

“You want to be famous?”

She nodded vigorously.

“Too bad.”

My eyes widened, surprised at the detour the conversation had taken.

“What-what do you mean?”

“Please, the only thing people will hear about is a sad, boring little girl from a small town who killed to feel better about herself. They’ll forget about you in a week, who knows, maybe they’ll even grow an infatuation with your town, someone you went to school with may get as lucky as to catch their big break!” He laughed, while Alessia looked absolutely devastated.

“You? You’ll be a nobody.”

“That’s not true! I’ll go down in history, and they won’t! I’m the fucking butterfly baron for hells sake! All these people?” She gestured towards her field of bodies.

“You won’t remember their names, maybe not even their pretty faces, but me? I’ll live forever.”

Her nostrils flared and she strode over to Reid with purpose. The safety on my glock clicked off, but Spencer motioned for me to wait. So I did.

“You know, Agent-“

“It’s Doctor.”

This visibly agitated her even more as she started her sentence over again.

“Doctor, you have a beautiful bone structure. Absolutely perfect. Symmetrical, not to mention just flat out stunning.”

A glaze formed over Spencer’s honey eyes at her words. He lowered his gun momentarily before turning towards me, Copelas doing the same.

“And you, Agent. Wow. I feel like I’m in an art exhibit, you’re gorgeous. I think the Doctor man here would agree.”

As he lifted his revolver at me, the situation became all too real as I understood what was happening.

I either had to shoot the man that I was struggling to admit I was beginning to love, or died at the hands of the very same man.

Tears flooded my eyes, all safeties were turned down, and all guns were pointed at Reid.

“Spence, please.”

My voice was weak, something that seemed to bring Alessia lots of joy.

She laughed before talking again, commanding Spencer.

“Pathetic, really! Spence”, she mocked,“shoot her.”

“No!”

bang!

whack!

--------------------- 

Present Day, Somewhere In The Sky, The Jet

I opened my eyes from where I had been tackled to the ground by Hotch, surveying my surroundings to see Alessia laying on the grass, the source of her gunshot wound non-distinguishable from the previous blood on her body.

I looked to the right to see where Spencer had crumpled to, his frame bent in a discombobulated position.

“Spencer!” I cried out, crawling over to him like some sort of dog,

“What happened to him?”

“Y/n, he was going to shoot you-“

“I don’t care you should have let him!”

I cradled his head in my lap, allowing my pent up tears to fall.

“Y/n?”

My eyes snapped open for real this time, my mind calmed at the sight of Spencer sitting next to me on the couch, gently shaking my shoulder in an attempt to wake me from my nightmare.

“Spencer! Sorry, was I too loud?”

He chuckled, gesturing to the rest of the sleeping plane around us.

“You’re fine, I wasn’t sleeping, I decided to reread ‘Fahrenheit 451’ for nostalgia purposes. And you weren’t that loud, you just looked like you were having a bad dream.”

I chuckled at the not-so outlandish idea in an attempt to diminish it from his mind and move on.

“I’m fine. But fun fact, I did have nightmares after reading ‘The Veldt’. Seriously, I don’t get how you can just reread Bradbury’s stuff all the time.”

The genius scoffed, starting a rant on how Ray Bradbury’s storytelling was just classic literature and deserved to be reread, thus successfully changing the topic as I hoped my statement would. Although soon after, he caught on much quicker than I would have liked him to.

“And not to mention, The Veldt alone could be seen as a forewarning to the 21st century and beyond, even Bradbury himself supported that interpretation-‘

I gave him a tired smile, enjoying his rambling like I always did.

“-and you totally just got me to change the subject.”

“I was wondering when you were gonna catch up.”

“Hey!”

He laughed as I rested my head on my hand, trying to fall back asleep.

“Really, I can tell those nightmares are bad. What’s going on?” He questioned, his tone empathetic and compassionate.

“It’s nothing, Reid. I just keep seeing in the park, when Alessia got shot and you-you got hurt but instead of getting up like you did in real life, you just…”

I trailed off, not wanting to relive the negative dream any longer for fear of the tears that were pricking my eyes escaping.

“It’s okay, that didn’t happen, I’m right here.”

He pulled me into a hug, allowing me to bury my head in the crook of his neck, his warmth consuming me once more, a sequel to the film from earlier.

“I know, but what if it hadn’t?” I asked as I pulled away.

He shook his head, reaching for his wallet.

“In this job, this course of work, we can’t focus on ‘what if’s’. In this job, we also get nightmares, all of us. It happens.”

He slid a picture over to me, it was of a happy family. The edges were worn from years of being carried, but the picture seemed loved.

“Gideon gave me that when my nightmares started. He told me about how those families we save everyday, and how that’s what makes what we do worth it. And I know you didn’t know Gideon personally, or the work on the specific case with that family, but I want you to have it anyway-“

I cut him off by throwing my arms around his neck, attempting to speak despite being muffled by his fluffy sweater.

“Thank you, Spence. Truly.”

I smiled, and I imagined he was doing the same.

“No problem y/n. Anytime.”

I moved my legs over to be tucked underneath my arms, leaning into Reid. He wrapped his arm around me, also leaning in. We both managed to fall asleep for the remainder of the ride in our state of content, but not before he managed to sleepily call out my name.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“When we land do you wanna go on a date or somethin’?”

I smiled at him, separating from his form just long enough to see that beautiful face of his.

“Without a doubt.”

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

AHAHAHHAHAHAHA I’M WAY TOO HAPPY WITH THAT LMAOOO but anyway chile- 

i don’t have some long ass paragraph to write this time omg wig, i’m just proud asf of my work for once (except for the zoo part ngl kinda didn’t like it😳) 

😛✨vibes✨ love u, xx hj

[everythinggeeky]

Out of Nowhere | Stucky

Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes (poly)

Warnings: polyam relationship, language, violence, stalking, angst, pregnant reader, pet names, comfort & fluffy ending

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: You make a trip out, but are followed by some threatening men. Bucky and Steve pull you out of the sticky situation, but tell you to be more careful because you’re expecting. The situation escalates beyond expectation on your way home.

masterlist

A/N: This is part of my 5 Days of Oneshots! tag lists are open!

You called Bucky on the phone from the dressing room of the designer store, panicked. You panted, desperate for any source of his voice, so you watched the phone ring and ring in your hand. Attempting to take a deep breath to ease the anxiety thumping in your chest, you finally got a callback.

“Babe? Everything going okay? Are you having fun?” his voice happily chirped.

“No. It’s not good, Buck. Can you come down here? There are guys following me and I-”

“Fuck. Babe. I knew I should’ve gone with you. Or at least sent Stevie. Listen, I’ll be there in less than 10. Where are you?”

“Hermes. On Madison Avenue. I’m in the dressing room. ”

“Shit. Alright. I’ll be right there. Has anyone said anything to you?”

“No, but they were looking at me, speaking into their phones...following me. Please, hurry up I really don’t like this.”

“I’m on my way. Steve is coming with. Listen to me, sweetheart. I’m gonna be there real soon but you need to breathe for me, okay?”

“I’m trying.”

“I know. Hey, I’m gonna put Steve on the phone, okay?”

“Okay,” your quiet voice spoke into the void of the four-by-four square of the dressing room.

You had been engaged to Bucky for eight months, dating for two years before that. Now four months pregnant, this was your first serious outing on your own without any serious supervision from either Bucky or Steve or another Avenger. Not that you couldn’t get by on your own, but your serious profile as the spouse to be of an Avenger led yourself to the occasional paparazzi sighting.

Three solid thumps on the door of the dressing room brought you out of your spiral. Your head snapped to find the noise. A rough voice spoke to another standing outside of the door.

“We know you’re in there, little miss avenger. Come out here and show us your pretty face.”

Standing, rising to your fight reflex, you prepared yourself to fight off the predators outside the door. Digging your heels into the ground and raising your arms square, you pep yourself up to do the first fighting since you had gotten pregnant. A few solid thuds echo through the thin walls separating you from the captors. They must be getting vicious with one another, you thought to yourself.

All of a sudden, the door threw itself open, and you threw a blind punch. Your fist was caught by another, but not by your predators that threatened you before.

“Been a minute outside of the field, huh, doll?” Bucky chuckled, lowering your fist to your side.

You relaxed, relieved to see him here so quickly, “yeah, it has,” you sighed.

“It’s alright. We’re here now,” Bucky pulled you into his chest, Steve standing a few feet behind him.

“Thank you,” you spoke softly into his chest.

“Did you get what you needed, princess?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl. Let’s go, darling,” Bucky releases you, allowing you to pick up your purse and pull yourself together.

“Thanks for coming to my rescue, boys.”

“Anything to keep our girl safe,” Steve speaks up.

The three of you make your way to the exit of the store, the storefront a mess of handbags torn from shelves, scattered merchandise all over the floor. Bucky’s flesh hand, which was interlaced with your own, pulled your attention away from the mess. He knew your thought process and knew you would try to blame this on yourself. Steve’s hand on your lower back pushed you along gently forward. The sleek black sports car was parked along the street. The boys helped you inside to the backseat, while they took their seats in the front row.

“Comfortable, darling?” Steve said, looking into the review mirror from the passenger seat.

“Yes, thank you.”

Bucky starts making the thirty-minute drive back to your cozy home in the suburbs. You had just moved a few weeks ago; buying the home to make room for the twins that were to be born in just a few months. You quickly felt comfortable there; a respite from the hustle and bustle of the city. Of course, Bucky still left about every day to go do work at the Tower. You had felt safe there, surrounded by friendly neighbors and a gated community.

You couldn’t help but notice the way Bucky was eyeing the rearview mirror now and again while he was driving. 

“What’s wrong…?” you asked quietly from the backseat.

“Nothing, sweetheart, don’t worry about it, okay?” Bucky said comfortingly, flashing a look of concern to Steve.

Steve played it cool and looked into the rearview, and then the side mirror. The same black Escalade has been following you since you left Madison Avenue. Bucky took a detour from your regular route, making a turn about a mile too early.

“Bucky. Tell me.”

“There’s someone behind us, Y/N, okay?”

“The guys from the mall?”

“Probably,” Bucky snaps.

You sink into your seat, fidgeting nervously with the hem of your shirt. Steve turned towards you, searching your body language for clues. He reached his arm over the driver’s seat to rest on your knee, rubbing it over to comfort you. You looked back up at him, scared. You had seen immense threats across the universe but somehow, the moment that someone came for your family and those that you care for the most, the threat was even more real than galactic threats.

 “I can’t shake them, Steve,” Bucky sighed, looking over to Steve with concern.

Before the next exit plan could be established, shots rang out. You squealed and dropped to the floor of the sporty sedan the three of you used for regular travel. 

“Y/N. You’re safe here. Safety features, darling,” Bucky reminded you, reaching into the glove compartment for his own handgun he had stashed away.

“They are literally firing at us!!”

 Bucky lowered the driver’s side window and blindly fired out the window. Looking behind him, he fired one lucky shot into the passenger side tire. Spinning out, the stalkers swerved into the opposite lane, crashing into the embankment. Bucky sped home with minimal damage to your car. 

“We’re calling Stark. There must be a reason why they followed us home,” Steve started.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Steve. Just your average, everyday stalkers,” Bucky shushed him.

“She’s literally pregnant...dating one, that the public knows of, if not two, Avengers. We can’t take this lightly.”

“Hi, I’m still here and can hear everything,” you reminded your boys.

“Sorry babe.” 

You arrived at home, Bucky urged you inside with a hand on your lower back, checking the surroundings behind him. After you all made it successfully inside, Steve locked the door, a pathetic effort to secure the premises. You sat down on the couch, Bucky taking his place next to you again, pulling you into his side.

Steve walked into the room, “so tell me again how it happened.”

“Well I noticed some guys pulling in on me, they were the same ones you beat up when you came to rescue me. At first, they were being quiet, just browsing, but then they started getting closer and speaking into their phones. They said they finally found me, after looking for me for so long.”

“And you didn’t know who they were?” Steve asked.

“No, I’ve never seen them. Not even in a case file.”

“Just making sure.”

“Stevie. We gotta get this place secure. They know who she is and now know where she is,” Bucky sighed, pulling you close.

“I told you I’m gonna call Stark,” Steve sighed, pinching his brow.

Bucky sighed and kissed the top of your head. Out of nowhere, your phone goes off a few times in a row.

We know where you are.

We’re coming for you.

Your boys can’t protect you now, Y/N.

You pulled your phone from your back pocket, reading the texts.

“Bucky…”

“Yeah babe, what’s that?”

You turned the screen towards him, your hand shaking. Bucky’s eyes glazed over the screen smoothly, he looked back up at you.

“Basement. Now,” he urged you from your seat on the couch.

You got up without a complaint, grabbing your own handgun from the hidden compartment in the coffee table. Taking the steps by two, you found a hiding spot. Steve and Bucky both check the window, Bucky takes the time to compare with what the simple security system says. 

“System Armed,” the message flashed across the screen.

Bucky cocks the gun in his flesh hand, standing on guard by the door. A black Escalade, mirroring the one following the three of you on your way home, makes its way up the driveway. Steve’s voice switches over into Avenger mode.

“Black SUV in the driveway. Three men inside. Armed. I’m calling this in,” Steve says in a hushed tone not loud enough to be heard through the simple door.

He steps away to call the emergency into Avengers HQ, stressing the need for a high-tech security system.

Yes, in the suburbs. Yes, at Bucky Barnes’ private residence.

A bang from the butt of an automatic rifle against the door returns Bucky to his focus. He brings his shoulder back, listening closely for approaching footsteps and any sign of forced entry.

Steve looked over at Bucky and recognized his facial expression immediately. The narrowed eyes that seemed to compute all the information he was receiving in a matter of moments echoed his days as the Winter Soldier. He knew Bucky would do anything to protect you, but he wasn’t going to let him dive into this super-toxic place once again.

“Buck…,” he called out to him, reaching for the shield, kept humbly behind the living room couch.

Bucky ignored him, choosing instead to reach for the handgun that was holstered in the waistband of his jeans.

Before Steve could call out again, the group of men was knocking down the door. Cutting Bucky off to firing a shot, Steve threw the shield blindly into the mass. With a satisfying clink, the shield clamored into two of the men, knocking them over. Steve fired a look to back down at Bucky before following the shield to retrieve it. 

Bucky took care of the third and final man with one solid punch to the chin.

“Don’t touch our girl,” he growled to the unconscious man, who lay on the threshold of his suburban home.

“Go make sure she’s okay,” Steve turned to Bucky.

He nodded, taking one last glance at the men that now littered the stoop, while Steve took them in, and reported the case to the higher-ups. Bucky took the steps two-by-two, regaining his breath as he went down.

“Babygirl…? Where are you? Are you okay?” 

“I’m in here,” you spoke from the storage room.

Bucky opened the door slowly, relieved to see your unbruised, undamaged self. Unfortunately, he knew the harshest trauma resided in the mind. Wrapping his hefty arms around your small, but the distended frame was immediately comforting. You buried your head into the crook of his neck, focusing on the gentle reminder of the cologne he sprayed in this identical location this morning.

“I love you,” he kissed into the top of your head.

“I love you too.”

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess,”

“What mess? Being an Avenger? Being engaged to you?” you paused to turn your face towards him, “the last time I checked, I signed up for this. I said ‘yes’.”

Bucky nodded to himself, reminding himself of his worth. He was blessed to have you by his side every day of his life, for the rest of his life. Yes, your lifestyles asked for trouble along the way, but if you could help each other navigate that, perhaps it would make it a little easier on both of your souls. 

Your life here in the suburbs was a little piece of heaven; Steve, Bucky, and your little one that was on the way. Untraditional? Perhaps to the outsider. But the pull of the three of your hearts was more powerful than a black hole. To take one piece away would destroy you all, so for now, you decide to stay focused on the present and what you had now.

Footsteps came down the stairs, “Everybody’s gone, want to watch a movie?” Steve pulled you out of your moment.

Bucky chuckled, “yeah, Steve, wanna order a pizza?” He pulled away from you to arm’s length.

“Sounds like a plan,” Steve confirmed, “Does that work for you, little one?”

You nodded, happy to be safe with your boys once again.

tagged: @hxldmxdxwn @kenobee @obiwkenobi @ilovesupersoldiers @jbarnesss @stephieraptorr

[nimsajlove]

Moments (III/VI)

I think I will do some more, maybe the darker sides of the story? All of this is clearly at the beginning of the war, so I will move on to the end of it.

Brothers-AU  Ao3

Part II , Part IV

*~*

"Can you do me a favor?", Rex asked without looking up from his work. Droidbait waited, as if he could turn down an order. To his surprise, however, the captain gave him no work, but a packaged ration and cutlery. “Make sure she eats. I can't always run after her.", he grumbled and Droidbait grinned, then nodded. "Consider it done."

His search began in the hangar, sometimes she was still there, repairing minor damage to the small ships herself. But he only found the usual cleanup work here, so he went on. She wasn't in the canteen either, and the opposite would have surprised him a little. Rex wouldn’t send him off, if he found her here. But when her bunk and quarters were empty too, he was puzzled. His last stop was the medical bay, he let his gaze slide over the beds. Most of them were occupied, the medics wandered among the injured and only looked up briefly when he entered. He took a few steps and looked around. Before he could turn around to leave, as she wasn't wandering between the beds, he saw her. She crouched between two beds, Jesse and Fives. She was slumped against the wall, her face on her knees and wrapped in a dark coat. General Skywalker must had surrendered his robes to her... Kix hurried past him and glanced at the ration in his hands. "Finally! I thought Rex hadn't thought about it.", the medic huffed and stopped briefly to look at the togruta on the floor. "Should I maybe take her out of here?", asked Droidbait and Kix shook his head. “Then she'll be back sooner than you can imagine. Just make sure, that she finally eats something." 

It was easy for Kix to say that, he had a few months more experience with the young girl than he did! He wasn't known for necessarily being the best at comforting either, but he would try. She was one of them after all! His vod’ika. So he crouched carefully next to her and shook her shoulder, she was instantly wide awake and pulled the hood off her face. "Not my fault!", she exclaimed before looking around and blinking in confusion. Then her gaze fell on Droidbait and she relaxed. "Sorry.", she mumbled and rubbed her face, Droidbait sat down next to her on the floor and offered her the meal. "I'm not hungry.", she said immediately, but he still stuffed his cargo into her hands. “We know full well, that you haven't eaten since moving out. Do Rex this favor, okay?”, he muttered, watching her pout. "I'm not a youngling.", she grumbled, but still unpacked the cold ration and began to eat slowly.

There was silence for a few minutes and her eyes kept going up to the beds. "They won't go away.", Droidbait tried to calm her down, instead her look became even more gloomy. Damn it! Somewhere he must have taken a wrong turn... He hastily brought out a set of playing cards from a small pocket on his belt and offered them to Ahsoka. They had played many times before, she wasn't bad. "How about one game, we can stay here too.", he offered and to his relief she gave in, her eyes softened and lighted up a bit. "But only the simple variant, please.", she mumbled and picked up her cards, Droidbait watching her. 

For the first time she realized how attentive the gaze of the clone in front of her really was. And how easily he got her to play a game. Losing to Droidbait wasn't a bad thing for her, he played for calm and not for profit, even if they sometimes lost their dessert. Like most clones, he would do almost anything for something sweet. "Headache?", he asked quietly and took his own cards, unlike the deck of Cutup, his was much simpler and made it possible to play several variants of sabacc. Cutups were also marked and that often made it frustrating to play against him. "Yes…“, she nodded and rubbed her temple briefly, then her fingers ran up her Montreal with light pressure. "Don't worry, just a single game."

One game turned into two, three, even four games. By the end of the fifth her headache was gone and she was leaning against Droidbait, full and warm, it was not often that they were so near to each other. She was already napping again, when the door to the medbay opened and someone came in looking. "Down here, general.", the clone stated in amusement and the jedi peered around the bed, his gaze softened when he saw the two figures on the floor. "How nice to know, that she listened to someone.", he muttered and rubbed hia hands lightly together, Droidbait was always impressed by how well he could read the jedi's body language. Maybe because Ahsoka resembled him in so many ways? "Thank Rex for it." "Okay... But thank you anyway, Droidbait." 

*~* 

The loud growl echoed through the training hall and froze all clones for a moment. The laughter that followed moved most of them to return to their own business. A few shinys, however, moved to the spectacle that one of the clones and the young girl were offering.

"Come on! Or was that it?”, Hevy grinned and wiped his hands once on his pants before turning back to Ahsoka. She was cursing on the floor and rubbing her ribs, unlike her combat partner, she was covered with bruises. Her arms shimmered in green and blue under the reddish skin tone, her hands were bandaged for protection and she had also wrapped up her bare feet in a similar way. Puffing, she picked herself up again and looked for a firmer stand. "Attack from above commander, remember?", Hevy scoffed and the togruta immediately rushed at him again, her otherwise carefully hidden fangs bared. With a jerk she landed on his shoulders and clutched at them, she only stayed there for a few seconds. When Hevy threw her off again, however, it left red marks on his bare shoulders, it was proof of her strength. Because actually, she should have been stronger than him! Damn she was a jedi, for forces sake!

When her back hit the mat this time she stopped and covered her eyes with one arm, somehow the world turned a little. Steps retreated before coming back. With a puff, Hevy sat down next to her and pressed a bottle into her hand, that raised without a word. Like every time she let Hevy beat her up, the refreshment tasted better than ever! And like every time he got up after a few sips and pulled her back to her feet. "Let's go through that again slowly, the idea wasn't bad.", he encouraged her and she slipped into the defense stand next to him. “Without weapons, your hands have to end up somewhere else. More like here.", he explained and pointed once to his neck and throat, she resisted with all her strength to attack one of her brothers there. "Are you sure?", she asked and he nodded. "Of course, when it comes to survival, I'm not joking.", he explained to her seriously and then added: "And you have teeth, use them against opponents. Just maybe not against the droids, it'll just break your jaw.” Against her will, she had to laugh and tensed again before she was back on Hevy with one jump. Her hands immediately landed on his neck, but when he tried to shake her off again, she clawed his shoulders instead. She stayed there for a full three seconds before landing back on the ground. "How did you kill an akul with such thin arms.", the clone grinned after leaning over her a little. Her growl was as loud as the last one and the few spectators backed away, the shinys had never seen the little laughing girl so dangerous. "I have teeth, remember?", she mumbled and got up again. Every bone hurt her. "Maybe it's enough for today?", suggested Hevy and she nodded. 

It was frustrating to know, that Hevy was actually right. She was average in strength and size for a togruta, but compared to the war she was tiny! Puffing, she hung from the climbing unit and stared at her hands, which were clutching the shiny pole tightly. She was one of the few who used this scaffolding under the ceiling. After training, she usually joined the others on the way to the canteen, but today she was the last one to stay. "Dinner?", someone called up to her and she looked down, Hevy was standing under her and holding up a plate. The rations never looked particularly tasty, but they were warm and richer than the temple food. Her stomach growled loudly and she hastily swung herself down to her brother, instantly practically ripping the food out of his hand.

While she ate, Hevy sat down next to her. "You really need a shower.", he commented as he tugged at her tight top. It was soaking wet. The short shorts didn't looked any better either, they stuck to her in the same way and from the knees down they revealed the padawan's green and blue calves. She quickly swallowed the last bite, and Hevy immediately gave her something else. "Kix will kill me, if you don't use that.", he protested and with a quiet laugh she began to rub the balm into all the aching limbs. There was silence for a brief moment. "I didn't meant that… with the tiny and weak.", the clone suddenly mumbled softly and she looked up, so surprised that she forgot the cream that was still stuck on her fingers. She looked at his embarrassed expression and fought for a few seconds, before she snorted and kicked his thigh with her foot. "I know that, thank you." 

*~* 

Ahsoka stood a few meters away from the group and tried one last time to memorize the map on her datapad. She was infinitely grateful that her memory was better than her strategic skill, otherwise she would probably never have been able to remember this tunnel system! As steps approached, Rex or Master Skywalker probably, she turned the pad off and stuffed it into her backpack. "Don't worry, I remembered it.", she muttered without looking up. "I hope so, because the captain might be a little distracted.", the person next to her muttered and she looked up, Fives. Now she looked around, Echo looked in her direction and grinned broadly. “What are you doing? I want to take part!“, laughed the girl, if Fives and Echo planned a prank it could only be good! Besides, this mission was a bit of a boring routine, so any variety was welcome. "Do you want to get in trouble?", the clone teased and she stuck out her tongue before she swung the backpack onto her back and draped her lekku, so that not one of them rubbed anywhere. "Oh well, if we get caught I'll blame you two anyway."

Fives snorted in amusement at her side, before holding out a hand and opening it. Googly eyes, lots of googly eyes. She paused for a moment, then enthusiasm overcame her. Helmets with googly eyes, weapons with googly eyes, medkits with... "What have you already done?", she asked, taking a handful of the small plastic parts. Fives shrugged. “Not much, a couple of guns and two helmets. But we haven't gotten to him yet.", he grumbled and gave her a challenging grin. Of course, that's what he needed her for! "Oh, I know how to solve this." 

The tunnel was dark, that was good! Carefully she stuffed her googly eyes into a side pocket of her rucksack, she kept two in her hand. She then threw a look over her shoulder, Fives was just patting a shiny‘s helmet and, with the movement, left two little googly eyes on the side. Then he turned his face to her, despite the helmet she could guess the grin from the tilt of his head. All right, her turn.

"Rexter!", she shouted, took a run and landed on his shoulders. Fortunately, the ceiling was high enough. "Hey, get down kid. You can walk yourself.", he grumbled under her and pouting she leaned forward, propped herself up on his helmet and pressed her googly eyes onto it. "Spoiler.", she sighed and swung down again, Rex shook his head and walked on. She waited for Fives to catch up. "Done?", he muttered and she grinned broadly at him. "Right on the mark." 

"Fives!" Fives, Ahsoka and Echo sat up in their bunks. "Damn it.", Echo sighed, Fives just looked disgruntled. "I'm impressed, it took more than 12 hours.", laughed the togruta and pulled her legs into a cross-legged position, she did not intend to leave her seat. Fives gave her a sharp look, she just grinned wider. "That was the deal!", she reminded him and watched him and Echo leave the quarters.

She had her rest for 10 minutes, then the door opened and someone grabbed her arm. It took her exactly one second to identify the attacker as Rex. "Get up.", he growled and shooed her into the corridor. "What did I do this time?", she asked as innocently as possible, he didn't took it. "You didn't really believe, that you would be spared. Right?", replied the captain and showed her the way to one of the storage rooms. There, Echo and Fives were already dismantling and cleaning weapons. "Besides, he told me.", Rex smiled and left the small group alone during the detention. 

"Traitor.", Ahsoka muttered as she sat down next to Fives and began to take apart a blaster herself. That was the first thing the clones taught her. The reason was simple, everyone should be able to use a blaster correctly. "He figured it out by himself anyway.", he growled and then nudged her lightly in the side. "That belongs there.", he muttered, she started to assemble the blaster again. "Your way of taping up the eyes wasn't exactly subtle.", Echo added and there was silence for a while, then Fives offered her his forearm. Grinning, she bumped hers against it. "But in the middle of his jaig eyes, that was worth it!"

[random-imagines-blog]

Rip Out The Wings of a Butterfly {Wesley Gibson x Reader Oneshot}

Requested by: @cryingforwill Wordcount: 2598 Summary: You, the odd inventor, mechanic and tech geek of the Fraternity, get to meet the newest assassin. Notes: Implied animal violence.

You were the youngest member of the Fraternity, at only nineteen years old. It was a huge accomplishment since it took time for them to learn to trust you, and for you to trust them. You weren’t one of the assassin’s - Heaven’s no, you could barely shoot a plastic gun at the duck in the arcade game - but you had a lot of talent in many other areas. Besides, you didn’t want anything to do with all of the blood and gore. You’d leave that to Fox. You were more focused on the technological part of the operation. Not the name-giving loom, since even you thought that was a bit ridiculous, but the weapons, the communications devices, the traps. All in the name of progress - and in doing the right thing, so you believed.

You were surprised when a new member was brought into the faction. That wasn’t a common occurrence, and from the way that his nerves were acting up, you weren’t sure that he would be staying, either. When he was introduced to you in your workshop, you were a little confused - he didn’t look like the usual type. He didn’t have the crazy chiseled jawbone or the killer look in his eyes that you had come to respect from the assassins you usually came into contact with. He was ... almost handsome in a average joe sort of way, except for those eyes. There was something special about that shade of blue, something that would haunt your dreams.

“I’m y/n,” You said, getting up from your workbench to give him a handshake, looking into those lovely eyes. “All the equipment that you’ll be getting, well, it comes from me, so you better be careful with it.”

“Oh, right,” He said, looking around at all of the things that you were tinkering with. “The most high-tech thing I’ve used is a ergonomic keyboard.” He looked as sheepish as he sounded, and your jaw dropped. You looked behind him to Sloane who gave you a patient look, and then to Fox who shrugged.

“I’ll have to ask Sloane to let me borrow you for a couple of days, consider it to be a quick course in Tech 101,” You smiled, weakly. “You don’t need to know how to make this stuff but you have to know how to use it.”

“Yes, there will be time for that,” Sloane nodded his approval. “And what are you working on right now?”

“Right now, I have two projects,” You said, going back around to your workstation to show off what was probably messy to the three, but perfectly organized chaos to yourself. “The first are these sunglasses. They look normal, no?” You held up a pair of ray-bans that you had picked up a month ago. “Expensive, yes, but nothing too out of the ordinary. But here - you try them on, new kid.” You handed the pair of glasses over to Wesley who was surprised by how they were heavier than regular sunglasses. He looked at Fox who gave a little nod, and then hesitantly put them on his face. His mouth gaped  open as he took a look around, focusing on you first.

“Is this, umm, infrared?” Wesley asked, taking them off and set them back down on the workstation.

“Thermal imaging, for when the bad guys are hiding from you.” You smiled, picking up the glasses and setting them back where they were. “Anything that I can do to make your jobs easier.”

“What’s the second thing you’ve been working on. A weapon, perhaps?” Sloane asked, raising a grey eyebrow. You flushed slightly, knowing that it’s what you should be working on, but it really wasn’t.

“Uhh - it’s the custodian’s Dirt-Devil.” You held up the little red portable vacuum that you had stolen from the custodian after they had gone home. “Okay, I know, I know, I should be working on weapons, but the sound of this thing in the hallway drives me insane! I’m just trying to see if I can make it quieter at all.”

Wesley was the only one in the room to find this entertaining. His naturally cherry-red lips opened up to reveal a smile, and then a quick laugh. You flushed even more under the cold stare of Fox. “I need a new scope on my sniper, you can work on that.”

“Ma’am, yes ma’am.” You saluted, sitting back on your stool. The tour continued on, with the two superiors and the newbie leaving the room to go meet the less friendly people of the Fraternity. You felt a little bad for Wesley, for he had a lot to get used to in here.

-

You were working late into the night. In a jar, complete with a couple of holes, you had three captured butterflies flitting around. There was one, poor little thing, pinned lightly to your work station. Although tech was more your thing, you dabbled in medicines as well. Tonight, you were working on a gel that you had formulated all by yourself, and you were testing it on the most delicate creature known to you. Hence, the butterflies.

You absolutely hated this part of the job. The part where you had to hurt another living thing in the name of progress, but the last time that you had experimented a healing gel on a human being, well, turns out even the Repairman can feel pain. He had found that out the hard way, and he still avoided coming anywhere near you. But Fox had taken you out for ladies night after that, amused by the way that you had made the blonde man scream.

You were about to do the worst part of the procedure, and that was to cut a rip in the butterfly’s wing. God, this absolutely sucked, but at least if the gel didn’t work, it would be very easy to but the insect out of it’s misery. You picked up the scalpel and was just about to put it to wing when you heard footsteps in the hallway. It was after two AM, most people were usually either in a mission or sleeping right now.

“Try putting on a documentary about something you really don’t care about, that’s how I get to sleep.” You called out from where you were sitting, waiting for the person to make an appearance. To your surprise, it was Wesley who stepped into the door frame, smiling sheepishly at disturbing you. Taking any chance you could get to not be doing what you should be doing, you put the knife down and motioned him in. “How are you adjusting?”

“It’s a lot to get used to,” He said, laughing as he usually did when he grew nervous. It was something that you were picking up on, though you had only seen him a couple of times.

“It gets easier, though I say that without having undergone all the ... repairing.” You winced, thinking about all of the times that you had seen the Repairman’s trainees in the wax baths. That was one of the main reasons why you were trying to make this gel. Easy to carry around in it’s tiny bottle, easy to apply - just a little bit and the skin will fuse together as if it was fabric and fabric glue.

“How did you end up here. You look very...” Wesley’s face turned red as he tried to look for the appropriate word.

“Young? Innocent? Completely out of place next to everyone else here?” You filled in his blanks. You took off the safety goggles that you were wearing, and placed them next to your work. “Yeah, I’m only nineteen, I can barely shoot a gun but I can build one from pretty much nothing, and the closest I came to killing anyone was I told a dirty joke in front of Sloan while he was having a cup of coffee and he nearly choked.”

“Wow,” Wesley blinked.

“If we’re going to be friends, I might as well tell you the story. It’s not much, though. I was a prodigy,” You did air quotes at the p word that you hated so much. “So I was in high school by the age of ten, which of course lead to some bullying. When I was close to graduating, one of the worst bullies that I had died suddenly. Was killed. They officially said it was gang violence, but that didn’t sit right with me because he picked on people lower than him, but was scared by anyone who was higher, you know? He really wouldn’t mess with gangs, or go anywhere near them. So after a bit of digging, too much digging, I managed to find out about the Fraternity. They were alerted right away, stormed my house, saw the potential in me and recruited me. I joined up as soon as I graduated high school so I’ve been here about six years now. And you?”

“Wow, that’s impressive,” Wesley said. “I used to have panic attacks, or what I thought were panic attacks and worked at a useless desk job and had a cheating girlfriend,” he started, but you put your hand up to stop him.

“That’s a lot of negativity,” You said. “Sorry Wes, this is a negative free space. How did Fox find you?”

“Oh, uh, I was picking up my prescription. My anti-anxiety medication. The man who killed my father hunted me down and tried to kill us. Then she introduced me to all of this.”

“Welcome to the wildest ride of your life, Wesley Gibson. You’re going to find out a lot about other people, and even more about yourself here.”

-

Over the next couple of months, you worked with Wesley closely. You couldn’t teach him how to shoot of course, or how to handle pain and other weapons, but you could show him how to use the gadgets that you made. You were extremely proud of the little EMF ipod that you put together which turned off all of the electronic devices in a two-block radius for up to half an hour at a time. Very handy for tricky alarm systems when he had to get into a building. Wesley was a fan of the bungee belt that you put together, for it gave him a rush to jump off the buildings, still have mobility, and know that he was safe while doing it.

“What are you working on?” He asked, walking into your workshop with a paperbag. You could smell your favorite takeaway inside of it and your mouth started watering immediately.

“Nothing fancy. Sloan is going abroad for a little bit and I’m trying to fix up this camera to take some 3D pictures.” You said, tongue sticking out of your mouth as you attached a lens to the camera. You picked it up, pointed it at Wesley and grinned. “Say cheese!”

Wesley grimaced as the flash went off in his face. You brought the camera down and looked at the image on the display. It hadn’t worked, but you saved the photo anyway. You’d keep it for yourself, because embarrassing photos of ones friends is something that should always be hoarded. “Maybe I’ll make this my laptop background,” You chuckled.

“Oh, don’t,” Wesley groaned. He came up to your work station, crossed his arms and rested them on the wooden table. “I was wondering if you wanted to get out of here.”

“Why? You already brought me food,” You said, putting the camera off to the side and opened the bag. “No reason to go out now.”

“When was the last time that you actually had fresh air?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you calling the city air fresh? Because I can tell you that it’s not. Studies show-”

“Enough about studies, I left that word behind in high school. I just thought maybe you’d want to act like a normal nineteen year old for once.”

“And what do normal nineteen year olds do?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. You really were curious about what Wesley was going to say.  It would probably be something cringe-worthy that you can tease him about later.

“Go to parties, go on dates, go to the mall...” Wesley shrugged.

“Is what what you did when you were nineteen?” You asked, poking his chest. It astounded you how hard it was, this was the first time that you had actually went as far as to poke him. Damn - they really were working him hard. “I don’t think being around drunk people is fun, a lot of people are intimidated by my intellect and ... the mall, really?” You laughed at the thought of mingling around with the people inside a shopping center. It was far from something you were interested in doing. But then an idea sprung to mind. “Actually - can you take me for a little drive?”

-

After eating the food that Wesley brought you, the two of you sat inside a rather nondescript car, driving out of the city towards the more rural area. Resting on your lap was a large jar with four large butterflies fluttering inside. One of them had a little bit of a scar on it’s wing, but it was flapping strong anyway. You leaned your head against the glass of the window and looked out as the big buildings turned into suburban neighborhoods, and then pretty much nothing but long roads going many directions. It was only when you saw a little flower patch that you told Wesley to pull over.

You stepped out of the car and took in your first breath of non-city air that you’ve had in a long time. You walked over to the flower patch and smelled the colorful plants. Wesley opened up his door but stood behind it, arms folded over the top of the car.

“Fly my darlings, fly!” You said, unscrewing the top of the jar. The butterflies took their time on leaving, but eventually settled on the flowers. The one with the scar, the only one who ended up under your knife, went to the largest flower in the bunch and spread it’s wings to show off it’s beauty. You got down on your knees and watched as they took in their new surroundings, then slowly started to fly away, towards a small patch of woods close by. It wasn’t as dramatic as you thought it would, but it was only four butterflies after all.

“That’s all you wanted to do?” Wesley asked as you walked towards the car, screwing the lid back on the jar. You nodded with a big grin.

“If you’re gonna bug me to get out of the house, I might as well provide freedom for my friends,” You said, opening the door and getting back inside. Wesley did as well, starting the car back up, but he didn’t go back on the road right away.

“You’re a bit fucking weird,” He said, smiling at you endearingly. You nodded, laughed and agreed with him on that one. He leaned in towards you and pecked your cheek before turning the car around to take the both of you back home.

[gimmeyoon]

You’ve Become My Favorite Sin [10]

     ✷ Pairing: Jimin x reader | feat. Jungkook x reader and Yoongi x reader

     ✷ Setting: Angels and Demons au, slowburn

     ✷ Ratings/Warnings: M for Mature, religious themes, language, Smut (Oral (m), dirty talk, slightly sub Jimin, unprotected sex, but Angels and Demons probably can’t have kids or get STDS and you can, so wrap it before you tap it)

     ✷ Word Count: 3.1k

     ✷ Summary: When Jimin started questioning his place in the world as an angel, you took it upon yourself to show him the darker side of life. Suddenly, falling from grace doesn’t seem so bad.

Prev | Next

    "So, you trust him?" Jungkook asked. He had finally come by your office today, despite having avoided it for about a human week now. He always needed space after your fights and you allowed it because eventually he would come back when he was ready.

   "Yes," you said. "You've never known angels like I did; I can tell which ones are the righteous assholes."

    "They're all righteous assholes," Jungkook retorted, throwing a knife at the board on your wall.

   "So that's how you really feel about me?" you teased.

   "You're not an angel," Jungkook said, frowning a little.

   "Am I not?" You looked up at the ceiling as you considered it. "I don't know which I've been longer."

   "You are neither angel nor demon," Jungkook said matter-of-factly as he sat down across from your desk. "They have a whole new word for you."

   "That's one way to look at it," you said with a small smile.

   "I'm sorry I lost my cool on the mission," he said with a sigh.

   "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

   "I won't say I think your judgment is totally clear."

   "Because I have a fetish for Angels?" you laughed, though not with the full robust humor you usually had.

   "No, because you clearly like him more than you've let on."

   "Clearly," you scoffed.

   "You can't fool me," Jungkook said, smirking. "I haven't fucked you in months."

    "Maybe I'm bored with you."

   "There's no need to be mean," he said, mocking pain as he placed a hand over his heart.

    He was right. You hadn't really thought about it, it hadn't been intentional, but since you and Jimin had grown closer you hadn't called your favorite demon to you. It's not like you owed Jimin anything, you knew that he knew at least parts of your history with Jungkook, but it hadn't even been a thought in your mind.

   "I think I've changed," you said, looking up at Jungkook, who slowly nodded his head in response.

   "Subtly," he said. "If you blinked you would miss it."

   "Do you think it's a bad thing?"

   Jungkook seemed to consider this for a moment. "I always liked your humanity. You've always been different than the other demons, perhaps more so now than ever before."

   "You would still follow me?"

   "Always."

   "It seems unlikely we get out of this unscathed."

   "That should be the title of your memoir."

   "We're fucked."

   "Good, we're demons of lust."

   You sighed. "I'm being serious."

   "I know," Jungkook said, smiling widely. "There's nothing wrong with you."

   "Then why have I changed for him?"

   Jungkook floated his knife in the air as he looked up at the ceiling and considered this. "Reversion to the mean," he said looking back at you.

   "Math?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

   "The way I see it," he said, adding a second knife to the air. "You're over here," he said moving one far to the right. "And he's over here," he moved the other to the left. "As the two of you interact more, you move closer and closer to the middle. To the average of whatever heaven and hell is."

   "Yes, but I need souls to live."

   "So keep getting souls," Jungkook shrugged. "You and I both know you have less to lose in this."

   "I know," you said, nodding your head. "I hate everyone."

   "At least that hasn't changed."

   It's in unexpected ways that you see his influence. Jungkook's right, it's not too hard to hide any goodness in you. You've messed up a few deals, at one point sitting a girl down and telling her no man was worth her soul.

   Jay had given you a weird look, but when he asked what wrong you just told him you were thinking about Yoongi. That seemed to be enough of a response to explain why you passed on her soul.

   She had reminded you of you, that much was true, but it was the cross around her neck that made you hesitate. What if she was Jimin's charge? You'd never seen her, and frankly Jimin never really talked about her anymore.

   Neither of you really talked about work anymore. Jimin helped you with Dragas and nothing else. You didn't talk about the obvious ways your worlds clashed.

   Jimin was more than an angel and you were more than a demon, yet at times it felt like all that didn't matter. You had higher callings to answer to.

   You had been naive in thinking that by becoming a demon you wouldn't have to answer to duty anymore. Sometimes you wondered if Jimin truly grasped what had happened to you. You regretted that those thought only came when you were apart.

   You were selfish and greedy, just as a demon should be, and when he was around you wanted nothing more than to kiss every inch of his body, to show him just how much you wanted him.

   When you thought better of whatever your relationship with Jimin was, you reminded yourself that he was wise enough to make his own choices. He could handle himself and you had already told him your story. He knew what the consequences of giving into desire were.

   And he seemed not to care.

   "If you think anymore your head will explode," Jungkook said, pulling a knife from the dart board. You hadn't even noticed he had returned to the spot.

   "I'm doing a bad thing, aren't I?" you said, to which Jungkook shrugged.

   "According to who?" Jungkook moved to stand in front of your desk. "The big guy up there? I thought you stopped caring what he thought a long time ago."

  "A girl never stops wanting her daddy's approval," you winked.

  Jungkook laughed heartily, throwing his head back. "Seriously," he said composing himself. "Who's to say what's good or bad?"

   "The entire system we work within."

   "Yeah, but we're anarchists. Always have been."

   "Jimin's not."

   Jungkook scoffed. "Yeah, you're right, _____. The angel that asked you to hide him from Heaven and that has willingly watched us buy souls isn't an anarchist."

    "He'll resent me," you said, shaking your head as you stood from your desk began to pace the office.

    "Because you resent, Azazel or Yoongi of whatever his fucking name is?"

    "I don't resent Yoongi," you insisted, shaking your hand at Jungkook.

    Jungkook raised an eyebrow in response. "You don't?"

    "I mean I did," you said. "I got over it."

    "Did you resent him for the fall or for fucking the first human he found?"

    "There's no need to be mean," you said, mocking Jungkook from before.

    Jungkook laughed. "I'm just saying, there's no reason to assume how Jimin would react. All you can do is talk to him."

    "Gross," you said, scrunching up your face.

    "I know," Jungkook said, his face matching yours. "That's the true evil."

    Though Jimin doesn't seem interested in talking the next time you see him. When you feel him tug at your bond, you call him to your home. You offer him a greeting, that might as well go completely ignored, as he is kissing you the next moment.

    "Sorry," he giggles, as he pulls away just enough so that your noses are still touching. "I've been thinking about that all day."

    You can't help but giggle with him, moving to rest your head on his shoulder. His arms tighten around you as you nuzzle into him.

    "Are we doing something you'll regret forever?" you asked, your voice quiet.

    "No," he said, pulling back so that you had to look at him. "I could never regret you."

    "You say that now-"

    "And I'll say it forever," he said, giving you a serious look before pulling you into another kiss.

    "Promise?" you asked, as he pulled away.

    "Promise."

    And then you kiss him again, harder, because you want to believe it. You want to believe that in the end the two of you can still look each other in the eyes. Maybe Jungkook's right, maybe this is all based on Yoongi, but you don't want to think about that, as Jimin's hands slip under your shirt.

   You encourage him, pulling back and raising your arms, so he can rid you of it. He smiles as he throws it across the room but it drops slightly as his eyes return to you. He's seen you in this before, the black lingerie you wore out on Fallen Day, but the way his eyes widen, it seems like the first time.

    "Do you want to see more?" you asked, causing him to look back up at you.

    "I feel like that's obvious," he said, blushing a little.

    "Minnie," you smiled, pulling him closer to you. "Whatever you want, you just have to ask."

   "Whatever?"

   You nodded you head, a smirk on you face. "I doubt there's anything you could ask that would surprise the demon of lust."

   "I think you underestimate me," he said, kissing you again. "I want all of you," he whispered.

   "All of me is yours."

   "Promise," he laughed, pulling his own shirt off of his body. Your eyes fall on the crescent moon you marked him with on your first meeting. Your hands instinctively brush across his ribcage as you admire it.

   "I always keep a piece of you with me," he said in a low voice.

   "Still not fair," you said looking up at him. "God made you look like that, and expects me to keep my hands to myself."

   "Please don't," he smiled, pulling you flush to his body again.

   "Only because you asked so nicely," you said before kissing his neck. You sucked lightly at the spot beneath his ear, causing Jimin to let out a breathy moan in response.

   "More," he said in response, causing you to laugh lightly, before lightly biting at his ear.

   "Needy, baby," you said, your hands resting on his chest as you kissed him again, Jimin smiling as your lips intertwined.

   "You've made me this way," he said as you pulled away, your hands traveling down his torso to his pants.

   "I guess I owe you then," you said, winking at him, before undoing his belt. You briefly palm him through the fabric as you get on your knees, Jimin taking a deep breath as you move to unbutton his slacks.

   "Wait," he said, causing you to stop, as your fingers danced along the waistband of his boxer briefs.

   "We can stop," you said quickly, moving to stand up straight.

   "No," Jimin said just as quickly. "I just," he motioned towards you.

   "Yes?"

   "Pants off, please."

   You look down at your covered legs and then back up at Jimin, partially trying to comprehend what has just happened as your heart beats quickly in your chest. The other part of you is trying desperately to relax.

   "Oh," you finally said, nodding your head as you stood up.

   "It's not fair," Jimin smiled, pulling you to him by the waist band of your pants.

   "Needy," you whispered again, earning a laugh from the angel.

   "You said whatever I wanted."

   You nodded your head, as Jimin undid the button on your pants. You helped him by stepping out of them, and begin laughing lightly, as Jimin's hands roamed back up your body, stopping on your ass as he pulled you flush to him again.

   "I wish you wore a different one," he said, one hand coming up to play with the strap on your body suit.

   "I didn't plan for this to happen today," you said before kissing him.

   "You were with him last time," Jimin said, a small frown forming on his face.

   "That was so very cruel of me," you agreed, kissing him again as your hands once again painted over his body, ending at his underwear. "I promise to make it all feel better," you said, once again returning to your knees and pulling Jimin's briefs down as you did so.

   He watched you eagerly as your hands traveled up his thighs. You placed a kiss on the right one as you took his length in your hand. You pumped him slowly, smiling up at him as you placed a kiss to the top of his cock, to which his eye's went wide.

   "You are cruel," he said, though the effect of his words was lost as you licked a line up the underside of his dick, causing him to quickly suck some air into his mouth. "So very beautiful and cruel," he added as you took him all the way into your mouth.

   You hummed in agreement, causing Jimin's hands to find purchase in your hair.  You almost jumped to your feet as the sound of Jimin's wings spreading above you filled the room. He looked so powerful and beautiful standing above you, his white wings proud behind him. Something about it has your core throbbing with want.

   "I almost stopped myself from cursing, ah fuck," he said. "But then I realized, that was the least of my worries."

   You hummed in agreement again causing another slew of curses to fly from Jimin's mouth.

   "Where'd you learn to talk like that," you teased, stroking him as you released him from your mouth.

   "Hell," he replied with a light laugh, that died in his throat as you sucked the head of his cock like a lollipop. "Jesus Christ."

   "Do I remind you of him?" you asked, earning a weak glare from the angel. "Do you like me down on my knees?" you asked, before kissing the head again. "Like I'm praying to you?"

   "Down on your knees, pressed against me, fuck," he said, his head falling back as you took him as deeply into your throat as you could. "I love it all."

    Drool dripped down your chin as you dropped him from your mouth again. "Wait, until you get me on top of you," you said. "You could make a religion out of that."

   "God, I will," he said, pulling you up from your knees and into a passionate kiss. "I want that, now."

   "Of course, angel," you said pressing on his chest so that he walked backwards towards the bed. He sat down as he reached it, his hands not abandoning you for a second, as they came to settle on your ass again.

  "Strip, please," he said, patting your ass lightly as he smiled up at you.

  "A little harder and you could call that a spank," you teased, taking the straps of your lingerie and slowly sliding them down your arms.

   "I'll practice for next time," he said, a lightly blush settling on his cheeks as his smile widened.

   The room fell silent as the bodysuit fell to the floor and you stepped out of it. Jimin's eyes roamed your body, the blush on his cheeks deepening as he took all of you in. While he admires you, you do the same to him, your hands absentmindedly reaching out to stroke the very top of his wings. Jimin shudders in response, looking up at you with wide eyes.

   "Sorry," you said, a smirk falling on your face. "I forgot how sensitive they are."

   Jimin nodded his head as his breathing normalized again. The two of you said nothing as his own hands traveled up your body, ending at the very bottom of your scars.

    "May I?" he asked in a small voice.

   When you nodded your head, he softly guided you with his hands to turn around. You felt bare before him as he lightly caressed the black scars where your wings had once been. You hated how he could do that. How he could make such an innocent touch feel more vulnerable than your naked body presented before him.

   He kissed each slowly, his arms wrapping around your waist as he held you to him. "A magnificent, beautiful and cruel creature," he said, slowly turning you around. "My favorite creature."

   "I guess that's your last warning to get out while you can," you said, looking at his wings instead of his face as you said that.

   He shook his head, his face set. "I'm not going anywhere."

   You reached back out to caress his wings again causing him to shudder and fall against you chest. He placed a kiss to your breast before looking back up at you, through his eyelashes.

   "Will you continue to mourn my wings before they're gone?"

   You shook your head as you closed your eyes and tried to move past it. Jimin was right, you were losing yourself to a potential future instead of enjoying the present with him.

   "Good," he said, kissing the other breast. "Now what was this about you on top of me?"

   "A religious experience," you smiled, as you flicked your eyes to the headboard of your bed. "Lie down over there."

   "Whatever you say," he said moving to lay on top of your black silk sheets.

   "You are too good to resist," you said as you crawled to him, placing kisses along the length of his body.

   "Then stop resisting," he said.

  You laughed at this, moving to straddle his body. "Old habits," you responded as you lined his cock up with your core. "Heaven here we come," you said, before sinking down on him, Jimin's hands flying to your hips as you took him all of the way in.

   "Better than heaven," he breathed as you rocked against him.

   Your hands anchored to his chest as you rode him, the two of you filling the room with curses, moans, and the sound of skin on skin. Jimin gripped tightly at your hips as you moved against him, his eyes closed tightly as he threw his head back into the pillows beneath him.

   "Your missing quite the show," you said, earning an attempt at a laugh from Jimin as he moaned again and opened his eyes to meet your own.

   "Closing your eyes brings you closer to God when you pray," he responded, his breath quickening.

   "Why in Hell would you want that?"

   "I want to be as close to you as possible," he said, winking quickly before he threw his head back yet again as you quickened your pace.

   "Oh, fuck," you smiled as you let his words consume you. "Who's ruining who?"

   "Let's ruin each other," he offered, a string of curses following.

   "Does it feel good?" you asked, teasing him.

   "So fucking good," he said. "I think I've had just about all I can take."

   "Then, cum, angel," you said, rolling your hips against his.

   And he did, saying your name like a praise as you rode him through it, and as he held onto your body through it, you reached your own high. You kissed him messily as you helped yourself through it, the two of you breathing heavily as you finally rolled off of him and laid down beside him.

   "I could have had that since the day I met you?" he finally said, rolling over towards you, a look of disbelief on his face.

   "I'm nothing if not a demon of my word," you said, laughing a little before kissing him again.

© gimmeyoon — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, or translation onto other sites even with proper credit given is not permitted.

[amazingmsme]

The Spider’s Out of the Bag

So this fic’s been done for months but it was back when this shitty ass hellsite made the new rule about mobile posts being a certain length, and this was back when I posted on mobile. I originally planned on posting it in three parts because of this, but after the first part didn’t receive the feedback I was hoping for, I forgot about it. Well, here it is in its entirety. 

Peter hadn't been getting much sleep and it was starting to show. He was always run down, which resulted in him being less than his normal cheery self. He was probably only averaging three to four hours of sleep a night.

"Dude, when's the last time you had a full night's rest?" Ned asked, slowly spinning on the computer chair. Peter looked up at him, shrugging, "I've been running on Five Hour Energy all day, no stopping now." Ned simply stared at his friend, not really knowing what to say. "What?"

"Peter, that's not good. That stuff isn't just supposed to be chugged like it's water, you need sleep." Peter made a face, hanging upside down from his bunk bed and crossing his arms.

"I can't! I have so much school work and Avengers training, and that's not even counting when I'm working in the city. And when I get in bed I usually still have all that adrenaline in my system, so it's hard to fall asleep."

"Are you tired right now? I can try and help you fall asleep 'cause you look like you're about to drop dead." Peter scoffed, "Is it that bad?"

"You know you're my best friend and I would never say anything to personally offend you, but you look like pure shit. Like, it literally looks like someone took an ice cream scooper and dug the circles out from under your eyes." Peter couldn't help but to smirk at his friend's description. "Anything else?"

"Your hair's constantly messy because you keep running your hands through it like a depressed middle aged suburban mom."

"That's oddly specific. How many depressed middle aged suburban mothers do you know?"

"More than you would think," he said, staring off in the distance as though he was having war flashbacks. He blinked hard, coming back to reality. "But seriously, is there anything I could do to help out, maybe help you relax, I could make you some tea..."

"Ned, I'm fine, you don't have to do anything. Buuuut-" he began to grin, something coming to his mind. "But what?" Ned prompted, hoping for an answer. "Buuuuut a massage would be nice," he said, tilting his head & batting his eyes. Peter climbed down from the bunk and laid down, letting his friend knead into the muscle. Peter practically melted underneath the touch.

"Oh man, I almost forgot how good it feels to just relax." he said, sighing contently. "How hard is Mr. Stark pushing you?" Ned asked, concern clear in his voice.

"He's not really pushing me that hard. It's more myself forcing me to do my best," he admitted. "Once I get going, I just, don't know how to stop." Ned was about to reply when suddenly Peter jerked away from his hand as if it was a hot rod. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

Peter shook his head, "No, no I'm fine." Ned nodded and continued rubbing his back, but couldn't help but notice how he flinched away yet again. It all began to click and Ned couldn't hold back his grin, "I think I know of a way to make you tired." Before he could question him, he began squeezing up and down his sides, throwing him into hysterics.

"Nehehehed, whahahat are you dohohoing?" Peter managed to say through his laughter, his friend not stopping his work.

"I'm trying to tire you out. If you don't have any energy, you can't stay awake. This is for your own good Peter," he spoke, trying to remain serious but ultimately failed upon hearing his bright infectious laughter. He worked his fingers underneath his arms, lightly scratching at the hollows, making Peter erupt into screams and pleads.

"I'll tell you what Peter, let's make a deal. I'll stop if you finally get some rest. Deal?"

"Deheheal! Deal!" Ned stopped and helped him into a sitting position. Ned looked at him, "Do you think you can get some sleep?" Peter chuckled, "After that I might. My neck's still a bit sore though." Ned was about to offer to help but Peter cut him off, "No. If you think I'd let you help after pulling something like that you're sadly mistaken."

He grinned at him, "Alright, that's understandable. But I hope you know I plan on using this against you." He let out a groan, flopping face first into his pillows, his voice muffled, "You suck."

He gave a sly grin and shrugged even though he couldn't see him. "I'm just doing what's best for my friend."

Peter couldn't help but to smile into his blankets. Maybe this wasn't so bad.

~~~~

Peter had been having frequent study sessions with MJ ever since she had become captain and they started talking more. He refused to call it a study "date" since he was sure Michelle didn't like him(or anyone for that matter) like that.

"How much salt is in the average adult human body?" MJ asked, hiding the answer from Peter whilst waiting for his response.

"Easy, 250 grams," he said without even looking up. She nodded her approval, "Correct. Next question: In Blake's poem, the phrase, "unbuckled was the shield," is an example of-"

"Inverted syntax. C'mon MJ I thought you said you had tough questions for me," he smirked, looking up to meet her gaze. Before she could respond with what he was sure would be a smart remark, an alarm went off on his phone.

"What's that for?" she asked, craning her neck to look at the screen.

"Oh, uh, that's just my alarm," he said, silencing it. "This is usually the time I do my workout." She scoffed, looking him up and down, "You workout?" He nodded, "Mhm." He stood there awkwardly, not sure of what to do with himself. "Uh, would you mind if I do some stuff while we study? I won't get distracted I swear," he promised, knowing she wanted him to focus on the material. "I guess," she shrugged and he made his way to his bunk, hanging upside down and beginning to do sit ups.

"Exercise disgusts me," she said, turning her head away to look back at the flash cards. After answering a few questions and doing 100 sit ups, he climbed back down, sitting on his knees. Michelle looked up at him, noticing how he hadn't even broken a sweat. He looked around awkwardly, "Uh, would you mind sitting on my back?"

"What?"

"Like for extra weight an' stuff."

She tilted her head back, looking at him. "Are you calling me fat?" His eyes flew wide open, and he stuttered over his words, worried that he had offended her and trying to correct his mistake, "No! Absolutely not, I'd never say that about any girl and-"

"It's okay, I was just fucking with you," she waved her hand dismissively, smiling at him. He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "So... will you?"

"Oh, you were actually serious? Um, okay." Peter laid on his stomach and waited for MJ to climb on his back. Once she did, he asked, "Can you grab a few textbooks and hold them in your lap?" She nodded, reaching over and getting the biggest ones she could find. "You sure you can answer questions while doing push-ups?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I can barely do push-ups even without having to do math," MJ said, playing with the index cards in her hand. Peter smirked to himself, pushing himself up. His arms shook in an exaggerated manner as he faked a lack of strength. "If it's that hard for you Peter I can get off," she supplied, buying his act.

"Nah, I'm good," he said, suddenly able to do perfect push-ups. MJ, shocked at the quick change of pace, placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself. "Can you start a timer for 10 minutes?" he asked, " And read some more questions?" She complied, setting up her phone timer and reading him questions that he easily answered. She let out a sigh, placing her head in her hands. Sitting on someone constantly moving up and down isn't exactly fun, even when studying.

"Just how many push-ups can you do?" Peter paused for a second before continuing, "Don't know. I get too distracted to keep track, so I just set up a timer."

"I bet you've already done a thousand."

"Probably."

"Are you even tired?" She'd be lying if she said she wasn't at least a little bit impressed, but no one needs to know. He shook his head, "Not really."

"What are you, steel?" she joked, poking his side. He let out a laugh that he tried to disguise as a scoff, "Noho, I'm completely human," he defended himself. His reaction didn't go unnoticed by MJ however. When he pushed himself up once more, she let herself fall forward, using Peter to brace herself. Her hands gently clasped his sides, and her fingers curled underneath his arms. He let out a small gasp, trying to cover it with a huff of air. "You okay Peter?" she asked, fully aware of what she had done. He nodded and swallowed thickly, "Yeah."

When he tried again, MJ's fingers were back on his body, this time with more intent. Peter struggled to keep himself from falling to the floor, "MJ whahahat are you dohohoing?" he cried through his laughter.

"Why didn't you tell me you were ticklish?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"Ihihit's not exactly aha normal conversation to hahave," he managed to say. She tweaked his ribs, eliciting a squeak. "But we're friends, and friends don't keep things from each other, riiiight Peter?" He shook his head back and forth, trying to escape her maddening touch. "No? What other secrets are you hiding Peter?" she teased, scribbling her nails over the back of his neck.

"AH! MJ nohohoho," he giggled, and fell to the floor, MJ easily pinning him beneath her body. She grinned down at him from her position up above, "I wonder if you can answer questions while I tickle you mercilessly," she pondered aloud, an evil glint in her eyes.

"Youhu don't have to do this!" he pleaded, already laughing from the anticipation.

"Yes I do," she said, eying him like a lion looking over its prey. "If you tell me where you're most ticklish I'll go easy on you. Maybe."

"Whahat? Nohoho," he protested, trying to squirm away. MJ tilted her head quizzically, "No? Oh well, more fun for me," she shrugged and set to work, scratching her nails along his sides dragging out a loud screech.

"How about you answer five questions correctly and I'll stop."

"Thahahat's mehehean!"

"Thank you. I can't let people think I'm actually nice."

"MJ plehehehease!" She rolled her eyes, scratching her nails across the muscles on his stomach, "Oh alright, one question. But you have to get it right." She moved down, digging her thumbs into the hip bone causing him to buck violently.

"Do you like me?" she asked, hoping he was too out of his mind to read too much into the question. Ned had been their messenger back and forth and told her to come clean or he would do it for her, and she just couldn't do that. So she took matters into her own hands, quite literally.

"Yehehes okay?"

She stopped, somewhat in shock, and looked down at him. "You- did you hear what I said?" He nodded, panting and trying to catch his breath. "You ahasked if I liked you."

"You do know I meant more than a friend, don't you?" His cheeks turned a bright shade of red and he looked down, "I had hoped that's what you meant."

Without thinking MJ leaned forward and shoved their lips together in a kiss, leaving both of them in a blissful state for the rest of the night.

~~~~

If someone had told Peter that his hero and role model would become close to him he would've called them crazy, yet here he was. Sure they weren't the closest, but they were getting closer with each mission and training session they had together, and Tony even invited him to just hang out on more than one occasion. Like now.

Peter didn't know what to expect when he received a text from Tony asking what he was doing after patrol. He honestly thought he was going on another mission, but when Tony told him he just wanted to talk and check in with him, he was pleasantly surprised. When the fancy sports car came to pick him up, he couldn't help but smile to himself. It always made him feel a little special getting to ride in such luxury, seeing as he never before had the chance to. He let his grin grow wider once he saw Tony in the backseat waiting for him.

It had taken him a while to feel comfortable enough around Tony to not be nervous all the time, but he had finally learned to relax a little. It still took him a few minutes to adjust to his presence, so he was still a little tense in the car. He relaxed a bit once they reached the compound. Peter's stomach growled loudly as they walked down the hall.

"Hungry?" Tony asked, seemingly amused.

"Uh, yeah," Peter answered a bit sheepishly.

"That's okay, we have food in the kitchen. But I won't make you anything, you're old enough to fend for yourself," Tony said with a smirk, ruffling his hair. Peter chuckled, smoothing it back down, "I think I can manage without you."

"Don't forget who gave you the suit kid," Tony said with a jab to his side. Peter yelped and jumped away, earning a side look from Tony. It didn't take long for him to realized what happened and he smirked, poking him again, "Ticklish?"

"N-no," Peter stuttered, trying to subtly take a step back. "Remember what I said about lying to me," he said in a jokingly stern voice.

"I-it's not a lie!"

"Really? 'Cause that squeak says otherwise," he teased and Peter's head snapped towards him. "I didn't squeak!" His voice came out an octave higher than he would've liked it to. Tony gave him a kind smile and patted his shoulder, "Relax, it's fine. Between you and me I once heard Thor shriek like a banshee." Peter couldn't help the way his face lit up with amusement when he heard that, "Really?"

Tony nodded, "Oh yeah. But don't tell him I told you, he'd probably kill me." Peter made the universal signal for sealing his lips. "And feel free to help yourself to whatever's in the fridge. Oh, and one more thing," he started and Peter turned his attention towards him. "Hm?"

"If you tell him I told you, don't think I don't know how to get you back," Tony said with a mischievous smile as he wiggled his fingers in his direction. Peter's face burned a bright red as Tony chuckled.

"You're never gonna let me live that down are you?"

Tony's smile was blinding, "Nope."

Peter groaned as he opened the fridge. He swore these people were going to be the death of him.

[sanchoanaiza1995]

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Grape Growing System

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How Many Grape Plants To Make Wine

Decide where to grow grapes in your area to see for yourself how it is time to plant your grapes.You have to spend too much of the world's wine is a key role in grape growing.Growing grapes is rewarding because it keeps water for a couple of things.Grapes offer so much information about the growing season to obtain new varieties that belong to different types of soil needed for them to collapse, which is on the farm.A commonly encountered mistake by novice grape growers commit.

For people who have an abundance of sunlight and lots of harvest and a small amount of water.The Cabernet Sauvignon can grow in cold to avoid costly mistakes and learn some tips that you place them at the bottom trellis.After you get too excited by running into a low percentage of germination.You just need to be around 10 lbs an acreThe best place to grow grape vines are set, take a look inside this grape variety.

[jessefandomunited]

Drunk One shot (Atlas X Reader)

You were tired, stressed, annoyed , everything. You had these days where you were so fed up with the eyes secrets that you had to do something reckless to just get all this aggression out of your system. Now you would never leave the eye, you loved it, however, like any job, there were drawbacks. There is no such thing as a perfect job and sometimes you just need to go rant at strangers. Of course you’d never talk about the secret society, you fabricated a fake company that you worked for, keep it vague enough so it will leave casual bar goers confused. You pulled on a simple flowery dress that had a slit up to your upper thy, then you wore your wedges that were high enough to make you look an average height while not hurting your feet, and to top it off , your trusty flower crown.  You had not been seen with the Horsemen yet so you were able to dress however you wanted when you left the house, the other horsemen had a strict dress code that usually involved some altercation of their appearance. You strolled over to the door about to leave when Atlas stopped you. Merritt, Lula, Jack, and Dylan had all went to preform these small shows around the US to kind of distract the FBI of our location, however Atlas show was next week so it was just you and him in the house tonight, and OH BOY, he thought he was in charge. “Hello sir just making my rounds sir,” You said fake saluting. Atlas rolled his eyes and said, “ Where are you going, It’s late.” You sighed and rub your neck, “ if you must know i’m going to the  bar for a bit, don’t wait up.” You push past him and walk out the door. Atlas was going to say more but he held back. You didn’t say anything but Atlas was one of the main reasons you had to get out of the house. He made you feel like you never did enough for the team, then would always be pestering you about learning your tricks. Finally a couple days ago you had enough and snapped back at him saying, “ I’M SORRY I’M SUCH A WAIST OF A HORSEMAN , WHY DON’T YOU JUST GIVE UP ON ME BECAUSE I’M SO WORTHLESS.” You ended up storming out of the practice room and cried in your room for the rest of the night. After that you avoided Atlas like the plague until this moment. Luckily he had the brains to leave you alone.

You got to the bar and it was pretty laid back, just how you liked it. There weren’t many people and the music was playing at a reasonable volume. You sat at the bar and ordered a hard cider. They tasted better than a disgusting beer and that’s how you liked it. As you sat there trying to purge the negative feelings you were having , a guy sat next to you, “ Hey I saw you sitting here all alone, mind if i refresh that drink for you?” You smiled and shrugged, “ sure.” The bartender brought you over another cider which you began to drink eagerly. “ Wow, you must be really stressed about something,” He said slightly interested. “ You have no idea,” You sighed and told him about how your company is being difficult and one of your coworkers is trying to be the boss when he is not. And before realizing it, you had drunk 3 ciders. You began to feel the lightness in your head that you often felt when you drank too much. However it wasn’t too bad yet, but after this one you had to be done. “ Want another,” The guy asked about to call over the bartender again. “ Oh no i shouldn’t,” You said, “ i really should get going.” “ Come on, how about a shot, one shot,” he pleaded. You thought a moment then agreed, “ alright fine, one shot.” You took the brightly colored shot that the bartender gave you and after clinking glasses with your new friend, you drank it. That ....was overkill. The whole room began to spin and you tried to pretend like you were fine. “ You know, my house isn’t too far from here, we could take this party there,” The man whispered. This had gone way further than it should have and red flags were popping up everywhere. You decided to just say no thankyou and try and get home safely, however, the words came out strangely, “ I’veee gottto goo, homessss sorry, I havesss some food at home.” You were confused as it came out, it made so much more sense in your head. The man smiled but it seemed a bit off, like it was twisted , like he wasn’t smiling for any good reason. “ I’ll help you get back home , come on now,” He said gently grabbing my arm. You were about to pull away , when someone did the pulling away for you. You quickly look over to see Atlas. Sure he had glasses and his hood pulled up, but it was Atlas. “ HEY MAN WATCH IT,” the guy from the bar yelled as Atlas pulled you behind him for protection, “ I’m sorry but we need to go.” “ WHO ARE YOU ?? HER BOYFRIEND ,” He said getting very close to Atlas. “ alright you three out,” The bartender demanded , noting that this was probably going to end badly. As the security guard led us out on the street the guy from the bar was even more pissed, “ YOU THINK YOU’LL GET AWAY WITH THIS YOU A**HOLE, I SWEAR I’M GOING TO BEAT THE SH** OUT OF YOU!!!” Atlas began leading you towards the house, not wanting to have and fights with a drunk guy. The guy kept yelling and began pursuing you. You felt anxious and felt your grip on Atlas tighten, and your vision begin to blur. The next thing you knew the drunk guy was on the ground, and Atlas was pulling you along. “Whattt, happened,” You slurred stumbling every few steps. “Lets get home,” He said simply, not even looking at you.

You felt sick, and not just because of the alcohol, you felt sick because Atlas was mad at you. He kept the silent treatment going until you got into the house where he led you to your room and ordered “, take a shower and change i’ll be right back.” “ I am my own person Mr. Atlas,” You protested . Atlas rolled his eyes and closed your door. You didn’t want to do what he said, but you had nothing else to do. You took a very quick shower, you didn’t trust your balance to hold you for more than a couple minuets. then you pulled on an oversized shirt that had some weird picture on the front and your Guardians of the Galaxy pj pants. then you sat on your bed straining to remember what happened with the drunk guy. “ Are you dressed,” Atlas called from outside. “Yeeeess,” You chuckled then laid on your bed and giggled, “ but i don’t have to be.” You couldn’t believe you just said that. Atlas hesitated before opening the door and shaking his head, “ keep your clothes on please.” He had a cup of water in his hand. You sat up, “ awwww look Atlasss is bringingg me some waterr.” “ Drink it,” He said simply. You drank it all and said, “ why are you being sooo meeeeaaannn.” He looked up, “ You’re drunk, i’m not being mean.” “ Nooooooo,” You said slightly annoyed, “ you’re mean allll the time to me!” He rose an eyebrow, “ what?” “ You yell at me for neeever doing enough, nothing is perfect from the GREAT ATLAS,” You said. You couldn’t tell too much, but it looked like he was hurt, like he was going back to the time i yelled at him in the practice room. He sighed and said in a surprisingly quiet voice, “ I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you that that night, but when I went to your room, and heard you crying, I couldn’t go it.” Your eyes widened, Atlas never said sorry, Never. “ Why did you come to the bar,” You finally asked. He looked at the ground and said ,” I.......I was worried about you okay.” “Really,” You were beginning to get your barrings back and the world started to steady. You worked your way over to him but it felt like something was pulled out from under you and you fell back onto the bed. Altas groaned lightly and scooped you up, putting you under the covers. “Yes, believe it or not i’m not as cold and distant as everyone thinks i am. I do care , and i couldn’t just watch that guy take advantage of you like i knew he would,” Atlas insisted. You paused a moment , your head lulling back, You were feeling like you were going to puke or pass out, or both. Atlas sensed this and quickly brought you to the bathroom , holding back your hair as you vomited. You winced, you were a mess. You laid on the cool tile floor, catching your breath. You thought you were doing okay but your vision was getting blurry again. “ hey Y/N ,” Atlas said quietly, almost like talking to a child who had hurt themselves. You would have found it really annoying if you weren’t so sick. “uhhh,” You moaned trying to sit up. “ Hey don’t hurt yourself anymore, than you already have,” Atlas said easing you back. You shivered and felt tears spring to your eyes. You felt embarrassed and sick. Atlas looked like he was running out of options on how to help. You hid your face in the sleeve of your shirt, trying to stop the tears from flowing.  “Hey.....just wait a minuet,” He whispered as he jogged out of the room. He returned with your blanket and pillow from your bed. he keeled beside you and propped your head up onto the pillow. You felt a little better, feeling the blanket wrap around you like a hug. Your eyes were beginning to droop. “ Alright then, i’ll go,” Atlas said awkwardly. “No,” you insisted feeling your head spin as you quickly sat up. “ Don’t do that you’re going to make yourself sick again,” Atlas sighed returning to your side to lay you down. “ I’m okay,” you lied lightly, “ b..but i want you to stay.” He thought for a moment ,then concluded, “ i’m not laying on the bathroom floor with you.” He got up and went out of the room. You felt tears coming to your eyes again. You knew that he wasn’t too fond of you but after everything he had done tonight, this was odd. Just leaving you here on the floor. Suddenly the door opened Atlas walked back in holding a sleeping bag, he had also changed out of the clothes he was wearing and now had an old t shirt on along with plaid pj pants. he un zipped the sleeping bag and laid it out before gently placing you beside him. You felt your heart beat quicken. He timidly wrapped his arms around you and whispered, “ if you puke on me, i will be mad at you.” You smiled lightly and were soon out cold.

You woke up the next morning in your bed, the night before felt like it had never happened, aside from the pounding headache. You slowly sat up and stretched before noticing that Atlas wasn’t there. Last night was a bit hazy but you definitely remembered Atlas helping you. You were going to call out to him when you noticed a cup of coffee, advil, and oatmeal on your bedside table. You gratefully ate before deciding to hunt Atlas down. However, you didn’t have to because a few minuets after you began eating he came in carrying his own cup of coffee. “ Oh you’re awake, how are you feeling,” He asked in his normal flat tone. You just gave a short nod and continued. You were still trying to find out what he was playing at. Did he really like you or was he just being a friend? Was he trying to help you, or was he just concerned about the next show? You were so deep in thought you didn’t even notice that Atlas had sat down next to you. You jumped a bit , “ hey watch it!” he put his hands up defensively and said, “ i just wanted to check your temperature.” You relaxed and allowed him to touch your forehead. As he did you asked, “ what’s your game?” He looked at your suprised, “ game?” “ Ya, there has to be some angle, why are you being so nice to me,” You asked upset. He looked down for a moment, looking almost upset, then he looked back up at you and pulled you into a hug. You were shocked and after a moment, you hugged him back, it felt so nice, so warm. “Y/N I’ve liked you for a long time now, so much to the point i decided to hide it by being extra critical of you. I wanted you to be the best, i never meant to discourage you,” He took a shaky breath before continuing, “ i care about you so much, i didn’t hesitate to punch that guy when he was trying to grab you, I care about you a lot, i just don’t know how to show it.” You pulled away from him for a moment then gently kissed him. He blushed but kissed you back lightly. “ I never thought i’d say this, but i feel the same way,” You giggled weakly. He smiled and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, “ rest up, i’m gonna get you some water.” You smiled, “ okay.” He got up to leave and you smiled as you welled, “ hey Danny...I love you.” He stopped, his ears got red , you had never said his first name , or the words I love you to him ever. “ I...i..I..I love you too y/n ,” he stuttered before exiting the room. You smiled lightly, best drunk night ever .

[ashcomanderchief]

Nerd | [Part Five.]

Summary: Where Luke is pretentious and Y/N is a nerd.

Warning: PG-13

word count: 2594

{Part One.} {Part Two.} {Part Three.} {Part Four.}

-

It had been a lonely week, surprisingly Luke hadn't been to school.. all week, sure most people skipped, but as much as a 'bad boy' Luke was, he never skipped, and the more I pestered his friends where he was, the quieter they got.

"Just tell me!" I whined stopped Calum in the hallway, blocking his path, His jaw was tight and he avoided eye contact, I could see he was about to tell me something, I knew I could get the details out of him.

"It's not my story to tell Y/N." He shook his head, trying to get past me, I was close to tears, I just wanted to know what happened, why wasn't Luke showing up? where had he gone?

"Cal.." My voice cracked putting my hand on his arm just as the second bell rang.

"No." He said more to himself, "When Luke comes back, he can tell you."

"When will he come back?! Why am I so in dark about this? He needs to get his grades up for football, Where is he even?" Now a tear had escaped my eye but I quickly wiped it away, hoping Calum didn't see it.

"I'm sorry Y/N." His face softened, walking around me.

I sighed, looking at the ground, I was so frustrated, seeing him not in his seat the first day made me a little disappointed and I didn't really know why, but I blew it off, then the second day... and then the third day, where all of his friends had sorrow looks of concern all lunch as I questioned them, but not one direct answer.

And I hated to admit it, but I was Used to his annoying attitude, and pointless arguments, the way he spun his pen in his hand in boredom, just the little things he did, it felt lonely without him in the seat next to mine, to have my personal space invaded more than once a day.

Plus, I had no one to protect me, and the people had been taking advantage of that, to getting shoved in a dumpster, to getting tripped, and Etc.

"Where's your boyfriend Y/L/N?" The girl giggled, her friends laughing along, I kept my head down, staring at the empty seat int he corner of my eye.

Don't listen to them.

I whispered to myself, but I knew as much as these girls, where was Luke?

"Did he get tired of you not putting out?"

Tightening my grip on my pencil, He wasn't even my boyfriend.

"Or did mister bad boy realize he didn't need to protect you anymore? that you were dragging him down the social latter, he probably killed himself-"

"He's fine!" I yelled turning around in anger facing the girls, but I was more or less telling myself, that, what if Luke really had. . . . No, he wouldn't.

After that day I refused to think any further about that topic, and I was going to get some answers.

-

I had a nervous sweat on the top of my forehead, and my rib cage felt restricted, that was a bad idea, I was going to get caught, and never make it to my dream college, okay clearly I was over thinking this but still.

I had just broken into the principal's office, to get Luke's files I honestly I was surprised with myself to be able to lock pick his door after two minutes of nervous sweating and contemplating turning around and running away.

Luke's file mostly consisted of fights, and unnecessary violence from what it sounded like, and of course: his address.

I was reaching a whole new level of stalking.

Turns out he only lived a ten-minute walk away from my house, ugh why hadn't I just asked Calum where he lived? it would have saved me a whole lot of anxiety.

-

The doorbell rang from inside, and I heard a rough voice call "Coming!" as I was met with a shorter version of Luke. . and much older, this must be his Dad.

"Uh hi-"

"Sorry I'm not buying anything, nor do I want to join your church."  as he started to shut the door on me.

"No! uh is Luke here?" I winced when what seemed to be Luke's father slammed the door on foot, as I felt like crying out in my pain, my foot burning.

"Oh, well Luke is grounded from seeing any of his little girlfriends, sorry." Yet again, Luke's father started to close the door.

"No, I'd never be his girlfriend!" I spoke my mind and then blanched in embarrassment processing my own words, "I mean your son is attractive and all but not AT ALL my type, honestly he's the nicest. . . Nevermind! anyway, I have his homework and stuff, and I was really wanting to talk to him about a project in English." I didn't even have English with Luke, but I was desperate at this point to talk to the rude blonde.

"Come on in." His dad sighed, opening the door fully, and from my viewpoint, I could see a kitchen, and a staircase, the house being very quiet besides's what looked like football was on the T.V

"He's in his bedroom, through that doorway, are some stairs to his room in the basement." Luke's father pointed to a stained white door next to another doorway to what looked like a half-bath, they had a big house for it to be so empty.

"Thank you mister Hemmings." I smiled thankfully, hauling my heavy backpack with all of Luke's homework, and his mighty big folder that should belong in the principles office right now.

Opening the door I was immediately greeted with a non-carpeted staircase, of stained normal wood boards, and it made me questions Luke's choice of a bedroom, I walked down the stairs, it was pretty dim and smelled like Luke, and I couldn't help the butterflies that filled my tummy, because of not smelling Luke's scent for a week now.

"Lu-" I paused seeing a king sized bed with a unmoving figure laying half naked, his physique laying lazily, as his chest gently rose and fell, but what caught my attention were the scars on his chest and stomach, and his face.

I dropped my backpack, making my way over to his bed, the more I got closer, the more bruises and scratches I was able to see, my mouth hanging open in shock, and I now realized why he was staying home.

I sat down on the corner of his bed hesitantly, "Luke." I shook his shoulder gently, I felt bad for waking him up, but I've been waiting a week for a straight forward answer.

"Y/N? What the fuck are you doing here?" His voice husky with sleep, his eyes squinted from sleep and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion a shy bit of anger.

"Yeah. . . I-I-I got your homework . .  . yeah." my eyes trailed away from his left eye which looks like it used to almost look swollen shut, but looked pretty healed now.

"You know I was coming back to school tomorrow anyway . . ." as He sat up he rolled his eyes,  wincing slightly but quickly changed his composure hoping I didn't notice.

"What Happened?" I asked, he was just wearing boxers, maybe if he wasn't injured I would be ogling over him, but I was concerned about what happened more.

"It's a long-"

"A long story? yeah, I've been told that the last week from your friends." I spoke monotony, he looked away from me, bringing his hand up to rub his eyes, "I only play 21 questions Y/N, with someone I'm sleeping with."

"So Look I'm not in the mood-" He started out saying standing up.

"That's going to get infected if you don't change the bandages." I interrupted my finger barely grazing the side of his hip that had a white cloth bandaged that was taped to his side, clearly didn't use a first aid kit very often, but what normal person used a first aid kit averagely?

I had already started to reach for my backpack, Luke trying to explain why 'He didn't want my help' but I wasn't about to listen to him when he clearly needed help.

"Y/N stop! I'm fine, seriously! I don't want your help." Luke grabbed my wrist stopping me from peeling back his old bandage, which he really needed to change before he got worse, how come his dad hasn't taken him to the hospital?

"But you need my help." I glared him down, Luke sat down at the edge of his bed, he looked exhausted even after his nap, I didn't blame him though as I pulled out disinfecting spray on from my small carry on first aid kit.

My dad was in a strange gambling system when I was younger and I'd always 'Patch him up' with my little hello kitty bandages and kiss his boo boo's when I was younger, I missed my dad, he probably got into more trouble than he could handle, and ran away .  . . that's what I like telling myself remembering the good times with my dad but my brother say's he ran away with a prostitute to Vegas or something, and even after all these years I kept a first aid kit on myself.

"WHAT THE FUCK." Luke hissed out in pain standing up and walking a few paces away from the bed as I sprayed the disinfectant on his wound.

"Stop being a baby and come here," I complained reaching out and grabbing his arm pulling him towards back where he was sitting, our legs now touching.

"Don't touch me with that demon spray ever again." He grumbled taking the small bottle away from me just for good measure, I shook my head smiling softly but then focusing on the deep cut on his side.

"Dear Lord Luke." I wasn't so sure I wanted to ask anymore.

"Why do you keep the first kit on you anyway?" Luke questioned.

"Who attacked you?" I questioned back muttering back my own response to busy trying not to hurt him as I wiped gently at the edges seeing him flinch every so often as we both became silent.

"Only Y/N Y/L/N would carry  a first aid kit." He laughed lightly shaking his head as well, his laugh did things to me I didn't want to describe, why did he have so an effect on me when he didn't even like me?

"I got in a fight over you.." Luke said abruptly, I paused looking up in confusion at his baby blue eyes, that looked a little bit guilty.

"What? Why?!" sitting up fully, I crossed my arms, why would he need to fight? especially over me?

"That guy Kevin kept on saying crap in my biology class, and then kept on saying he could easily shag you and other stuff when he shouldn't even be saying that stuff you know?" Luke shrugged awkwardly, "And I shouldn't have been listening to him, but his words got to me and I threw the first punch, and then yeah . . . I got suspended, but after I left school his friends decided they wanted to get even with me." Luke looked away from my tense gaze, I blinked a few times staring a the boy before me, he seriously just did this because they said some bullshit?

"And I got Ash and Michael to threaten the class to not post anything so you wouldn't get mad, you're a little scary you know that?" He laughed shaking his head, my eyes studied him, He looked upset with himself, and he looked like he hadn't shaved since he's been gone from school his chin prickled with a stubble and his body covered in scars he had gotten from fighting over me.

The girl who didn't have any friends until now, the girl who knew more about school then what was cool in this day in age, the girl who was a nerd.

In a way it made sense, but on the surface it nothing but confusing, But Luke looked simple on the outside but was nothing but confusing on the inside, maybe I liked him because he was different, he didn't praise me for being smart, everyone thought it was amazing that I could solve a math problem easily, when I felt like I had more problems on the inside but no one saw past that, but I felt like Luke saw that, he saw past peoples lies and got straight to the point.

I felt light headed from all this thinking, and especially how my small crush on the blonde jerk made everything so much more . . . complicated.

"Y/N?" Luke waved his hand in front of my face as he bit his lip slightly.

"S-Sorry." I shook my head as if I shook my head enough all these feelings and thoughts would go away.

" . . . What now?" He whispered, Luke kept on glancing at me nervously, I never seen him like this, he was normally confident.

I didn't know how to answer, it made sense why Kevin walked in with a bruised cheek the other day or how people kept on looking at me weirdly, and how Kevin's gang of friends kept on picking on me before one of Luke's friends stepped in guiding me away from them.

I looked back at Luke his eyes soft and warm, changing to a cloudy blue his hair still tousled messily, and my feelings were all over the place yet again, whenever I wanted to tell Luke something the look on his face stopped me, and I was stuck in my thoughts unable to answer anything, the way his lip ring made him ten times hotter than I noticed before most of the time he went to school without it in, mostly because he normally got dragged to the principles office, the way his lips looked softer and irresistible, words didn't describe my stomach flipping.

Before I could stop myself  I leaned forward slowly and kissed his cheek closing my eyes softly, as my lips lingered on his cheek longer than I wanted to admit, my eyes fluttered open I leaned away from him my face turning red, why did I do that?! I looked away from Luke's face knowing I'd just become more embarrassed, I started putting away my first aid kit beside's the dressings for his hip that needed to be wrapped around his waist.

He laughed for a second, "Y/N, Look at me." But I couldn't bring myself to, I'd just become frozen in his gaze.

His fingertips touched my cheek turning my head, and I was met with his smile, he looked less tired than before.

"Thank you." He leaned forward his own eyes shutting as I found myself shutting my eyes to his lips grazing mine and the butterflies in stomach went insane a part of me becoming content.

He leaned away from my face now bright red I guarantee, I found myself wishing he was kissing me again, wait.. we kissed?! shit.

"I-I should really go, um here's your homework, and I-I Like you. Bye!" I tossed him his folder along with his homework, and ran up his staircase as fast as I could nearly tripping and falling down the wooden staircase, did I just tell him I liked him? Dear Lord Jesus kill me now!

-

{Part Six}

I’m so Sorry I haven’t been updating, I had a fallout with my old friends since kindergarten bc they didn’t agree with me being bi, Made a whole new friend group where I get treated like a princess, and get called babe, Made a Youtube channel with them, run a meme account, and now I’m enrolling in a school.. so, that happened.

[underwater-elephants]

"The Unspoken Truth"

Understandably, I'm a bit hesitant posting my short story on here for the whole world to see. I'm no writer of any sort (obviously) so apologies if the grammar is not 100%. With that out the way, I started this just for myself with no intention other than to be a coping mechanism. However, further down the line I started to realise that this could potentially help other people who go through the same difficulties on a daily basis and most importantly, could raise a huge awareness upon mental illness. Evidently, mental illnesses are not often talked about, but often brushed under the carpet and almost frowned upon. Because of this, this creates a humongous amount of stigma attached to this topic which can result in a person feeling even more embarrassed or ashamed; which of course they should never be made to feel. I hope this gives you an insight into what it's like living with a mental illness on a daily basis, hope you enjoy the read! “It's exhausting having to fight a war inside of your head.” Imagine this. Your heart is racing at what feels like two thousand beats per minute. Both fists clenched into a tight, tight ball. Sweating, from every existing gland in your body. Palms so wet whilst instantaneously losing grip of everything you touch. Confusion, nothing makes sense as thoughts are rushing around in your head from every direction, disturbing your vision as you do everything in your power to see straight. A tight ball like feeling in your throat, so tight that you cannot breath. It’s the feeling you experience when the edge of a crisp gets stuck in your throat, slowly and painfully cutting your glands. A sick like feeling, wanting to let it go but doing what you can to keep it back. Don’t embarrass yourself like this, not if people are watching. Now onto the chest. Feeling so tight and heavy as if someone is standing on top of you, crushing you with every power and strength within them, whilst you pant and gasp for air and catch each and every breath that your body allows you to. Shaking, crying, sweating, tensing, shivering, trembling. And now slowly breathe with every bit of energy that is left in you. You are fine, you are alive and it’s over for now. The brain is a complex thing, just as complex as ones human mentality. The limbic system controls emotions within the human brain, there's no surprise that at the best of times you feel as if you have a complete lack of control over your emotional and mental state. The brain is so incredibly complex that it often even puzzles scientists; the same people who allowed the first human beings into space and onto the moon. The same people who are able to clone living and breathing animals, create satellites for outer space, discover electricity, gravity, evolution, DNA. And yet, they fail to completely understand the human brain and each function that is involved and why they are involved. Many people fail to realise that not everyone thinks in the same way, not one person has the same thought process as another human being walking this earth. What may seem logical and rational to one human being may seem completely and utterly bizarre to another. There is a fine line between feeling lonely and being alone. In the depths of the night when the sun has set and there is nothing to see in the deep sky apart from the twinkling of the bright stars. Hearing the occasional sound of a car passing by, the tree leaves lightly tap-taping against the window due to the slight breeze in the dead of night. The sirens that wake the streets; whilst people question if a life has just been taken from us, or is it that a life is about to enter our world of mystery? At night, when people lay asleep with their heads softly against their pillow, you lay there gazing at the ceiling, unable to sleep, wondering to yourself what you could have done differently that day. Sleep. 7 to 8 hours of sleep they say. But what if you can't sleep due to the constant thoughts and feelings rushing through your head from that day, from weeks, months, even years ago. The mind is a dangerous place, a place that I fear as I know it is stronger and more powerful than I am. Have you ever been surrounded my so many people, so many bodies, but felt so lost. Helpless. Alone. Questioning how the silence can be so loud. Lost in thought, whilst hearing the mummers of those surrounding you. Imagine feeling a prisoner of your own body. The only body you will have for as long as you may live. The body that will grow and cherish into something beautiful at adolescence. The body that will make love to another body, feeling each and every edge and crevice. The body that will see into the eyes of their loved one, touch their hand, smell their recognisable scent, one that comforts them with ease. The body that will taste their sweet lips and the body that will hear their touching and soothing voice gently in their ear. The human body is a remarkable thing, each and every one unique and different in every way, shape and form. But what happens when you start to lose control of your body, the one body that is yours and no one else's. When your bones feel weak and your limbs like jelly. Like you're floating on a cloud, uncertain about those sweet lips you once kissed, those gentle voices you once heard, the feel and warmth of the person you love turn to cold, the smell no longer there and their eyes unfamiliar with fear. You start to lose everything you once remembered, everything you once cared for and everything that your body allowed you to do. Eventually, they all just become distant memories. All the people you have met become lost faces. Time. Time is inevitable. Too little time, or too much time? Should you be too early, or just on time? Time is a concept made up by human beings. The sun rising suggests it is morning time, the sun setting however, you guessed, implies that the day is coming to a close and all is left is the dark night's sky. What if there were no such thing as time? Would people be less stressed, less rushed, less busy? What would people do to insure they are being kept occupied? How would the world go on? When you become lonely, sad, anxious, depressed; time works in two of which ways. Time either stands still or in contrast, goes as fast as lightning and by the time you know it, you lose track of where you are, what you have done, even who you are. On average, it takes a human being 2o muscles to smile and 50 muscles to frown. Yet, why are there so many people spending their days crying, worrying, distressed surrounding themselves in pity and self doubt. If it takes such little muscles to create a smile, how does it become so hard for someone to put one together. Their smile may be imperfect, broken or even jiggered, but it is still a smile that may bring delight into someone's bleak day. A smile has the power to touch someone's heart, touch someone's soul. Imagine, for whatever reason you felt as if you could no longer smile without it feeling fake, like a scam. Seeing another smile, a smile of a friend, a loved one, even a stranger; can bring you so much joy and happiness to someone. Breathing. An essential, necessary part of life. Any life. We all breath, if it wasn't for our power to breath none of us would be here, would exist, the world would be an empty, lonely shell. But what if with every breath you take, your lungs feel like they are filled with water. Like someone is crushing your windpipe, struggling to breath without the aid of another existence. Each breath getting slower, harder, faster, slower, faster, harder. Until you can no longer take it anymore. Until you collapse in a ball, questioning the why's and the what's and the who's. Whoever put me on this earth, whatever is out there, why me? To breath like another human being, that's all that I ask of you. Excuses, excuses, excuses. I can't say I'm anxious, I already said that last week, and the week before, and probably the week before that too. I'll say that I'm ill, yes, just ill. No questions asked, just ill. That way, I won't look lazy to them. I won't have to explain myself, why I'm feeling this way. The reality is, I don't even know myself. How do you explain that to someone when you can't get the right words out? When nothing you say will make sense, when you don't know why you're up and you're down, all day every day. How do you explain that to someone on the outside? That it's a constant cycle of emotions. That, however much you try you cannot leave your bed. That each step you take that day, all you are looking forward to is returning to your room, surrounded by darkness and crawling back into bed. Sleeping. Your safe place, where no one can disturb you, not even the cars outside, the voices echoing the streets, the sound of the metro line, Because you are alone with your thoughts in the darkness, until you slowly drift off into a long sleep. Too little sleep or not enough, there is no in between and no matter what, tiredness always wins. It defeats you, laughs at you and mocks you. Tiredness is a silent killer. It waits until you are energised, finally feeling happy until it creeps out on you from nowhere, like burred treasure among the sands over the blue, clear waters. Panic. What do I do with my day? Slowly awaken, shower to wake up the mind, the body the soul. Get ready and feeling good, quick look in the mirror, today could be a good day. Ready. Panic. What do I do now? When was the last time I ate? Am I eating because I'm hungry, or because I know it's the right thing to do? Because my body needs the nutrients in order to survive. Baby steps. No more routines, I'm free to the world but the freedom is almost suffocating. Procrastinate. Endless hours upon hours doing nothing but everything, trying to eat, trying to breath, trying to be normal. The skies are getting dark and the streets are becoming quieter. Time to sleep, my favourite part. Dreams, dreams about love, romance, the best days of your life so far. Woken up suddenly with what feels like a tonne of bricks hitting against your forehead. Awaken, get ready, repeat. Coldness. It creeps up on you, sending tingles and shivers all throughout your body. From your neck down to the depths of your spine, through your legs, your arms, to the tips of your fingers and your toes until you slowly start to feel like a stray dog, left all alone on a cold winter’s night. No owner, no food, no home, nothing. You are left feeling like nothing, invisible. Invisible to yourself, your neighbours, your friends. Would anyone notice if I were to go? Leave this place, this town, this city, this world and never look back? Who would miss me? No. That isn't me talking, I am fine. I am no longer in control of my emotions; I have been taken over by a rush of coldness and hotness all at one. Confusion. Why is it so hard to think straight, to see straight, to be normal. What is normal, if there is such thing? “Patience is a virtue”, one of my favourite sayings. To have patience with someone shows that you care. You are passionate about what they have to say. Their thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, philosophies. It puts things into perspective, indulges you with new knowledge and education. Feeds your brain in more ways than you realise. You almost start to care more about their ideas than your own, as you analyse in explicit detail their body language, every hand gesture, movement. You start to become at one with them. But what if, however, you have an astounding amount of patience with these people, but not with yourself. Not with your emotions, your feelings, your thoughts, even your movements. You brush them under the carpet, pretend they're not there. I mean, they're not visible to the naked eye, so no one would notice otherwise. Right? Wrong. Emotions matter, feelings matter. However big, small, funny, comical. We are human beings and as human beings, we must come together. But what do you do when you no longer recognise yourself? The person standing in front of the mirror, that isn't the same person from a few weeks, months, years ago. That smile. That smile that once lit the room has been replaced with something bleak. I wouldn't call it a smile, just a crook of the face. Those eyes. Those eyes that were once filled with joy, now filled with emptiness and water from the never ending tears that are wept throughout the night. Those hands. Those hands that would be used to ride a bike for the first time, draw, paint, now tremble at the whirlwind of thoughts, sweat among the constant pit of sorrow and anxiety and continue to tremble. What happened to her? The twinkle in her eye has disappeared. She looks sad, bewildered, as she looks out into the huge, never-ending world before her. I couldn't face people today, what if I mess up? What if I embarrass myself? But why should I care, they are strangers who I will most likely never see again. Oh, but what if I do? Would they remember, would they care? Thoughts spinning round in my head. It's wanting to go out, but not wanting to socialise. Wanting to be successful, but being afraid of failure. Wanting long lasting relationships, but not wanting to show people your real self, your self-pity, self-loathing, sad self. It's wanting to eat, but not physically being able to. It's waning to go for a walk, a run, but not having the energy to. It's wanting to go to a party, wanting to get dressed up, but not wanting to make small talk with people, strangers. It's wanting to be productive, but not wanting to get up on a morning. It's wanting to sleep, wanting to shut down, but finding every distraction you can to stop yourself. It's wanting to be happy, but spoiling it for yourself, knowing it won't last for long as the next thing is always around the corner. The next headache, the next bad news, the next anything. It's wanting to be surrounded by people, familiar, comforting faces and places, but wanting nothing but to isolate yourself from the world, alone in your room. It's wanting to travel somewhere new, but not wanting to risk it in case you feel trapped with nowhere to run, no way to get home, no way to get back to your safe haven. It's finding excuses not to do things, not to go places, not to travel, see the world surrounding us. It's finding it easier talking online, through text, as it is in real life. It's feeling not lonely, but alone, with no way to escape the epitome of darkness. It’s an indescribable feeling. A feeling that doesn’t quite go, doesn’t leave your body and is somehow, always there. A feeling I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, not even the most extreme prisoners. I bet they feel alone, too. Not just a prisoner literally, but mentally. Wishing they could turn back time and be surrounded by friends, family and those closest to them. Instead, they are surrounded by the heavy metal bars that keep them away from society, isolated with only their thoughts. Being a prisoner of your own mind is a dangerous thing. It’s always far easier to just tell people “I’m tired” when they ask how you are, how you are feeling. Because it’s the truth. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. It drains the life from your bones, the happiness from your blood and the soul from your veins. You no longer feel human, like a living and breathing being. You just exist, you are just there. Wouldn't it be nice to be young again. To be care free, innocent, knowing nothing but happiness and peace in the world. Cherishing every joyous memory with friends, staying up late watching cartoons. Having no worries, no cares in the world. The only problems we faced were those of the anticipating moments, wondering if we would get our first detention for handing in late homework, or forgetting to underline the date and the title. Oh how clumsy of us! Going home from school wondering if today was the day that the boy from school finally noticed you. Unaware of the evil out there. The violence, the war. The people that were once here, once had families, but lost their battle and couldn't find the light at the end of the darkness. The racism, the religious slurs that leave the mouths of the uneducated, the ignorant. These same mouths that start their day sipping on Chinese tea, getting ready as they put on their Indian shirt and Thai, suede shoes. Wrapping their Swiss watch around their wrist, as time for him is money. Leaving the day behind drinking their Russian vodka, French wine, German beer. Oh the irony. I didn't know about mental illness until twelve years old. Experienced my first panic attack at fourteen years old. Understandably, assuming I was having a fit, heaving a heart attack, dying. What was happening to my body? To my emotions? So powerful and overwhelming that I could not simply control them on my own. If I had known sooner, had a deeper understanding surrounding mental illness; it could have saved me so many sleepless nights. How is it fair that in school, in life, we are only taught about those serious physical illnesses? Broken limbs and body parts, cancer, diabetes, chronic pain, Sclerosis, lung disease, heart disease; the list goes on. However, the views and attitudes towards mental illnesses and disease are not viewed in the same light. Why? Why are they brushed under the carpet so often when they can have such a huge impact upon a person’s life and state of mind? Their ability to enter the real world, form friendships, relationships. Do the simplest of tasks that one with no mental illness would class as the 'norm'. The stigma upon mental illness as a whole is one of the main reasons hundreds, thousands and millions of people are suffering alone, in silence. If I had a broken leg, a broken arm, people would instantly notice me among the crowd. A person's mental complexity is not always recognisable; it can be in any one of us, any 'normal' looking person. Stand a person with a broken limb next to a person with a mental health disorder. Who will get the most empathy, I wonder. The feeling is almost paralysing. It's like learning to walk again, talk again, breath again, live again. I managed to leave the house today. It wasn't for long, but I did it. I managed to eat today, too. It wasn't much, but it filled my stomach and my body later thanked me for it. The feeling is still there, but today as I write this, I feel empowered. I feel positive within myself. Earphones in, ignoring the world. Treasuring every moment I can, as I know it won't last as much as I anticipated. The trembling is back, throughout my whole body. So much so that my whole body is numb, almost as if I have been laid in an ice cold bath for hours, days, weeks. The coldness is almost painful, taking over my body. False persona. We all like to show people how well we are doing. We are all guilty of it without even realising. Sharing our lives with complete strangers across the world, throughout various social networks. It's almost like we seek approval from these strangers, thinking it will someone benefit our character or life after we upload that picture, status, post. When really, we are the same person when we go to sleep that night. We are still the same people. Nothing has changed but our ego. Why do we do this to ourselves? It's like we so desperately crave the attention from strangers when the people who care about us most are surrounded us. But maybe sometimes, that isn't enough. And sometimes, it's almost as if we are all living in a fantasy dream world. I can't do this anymore; I'm giving up, losing hope. I thought people called them happy pills for a reason. So, why am I feeling so low? So much lower than before. I can't sleep at night. I'm scared to sleep at night as I'm afraid of what tomorrow will bring. What if I waste another day? Imagine that, being afraid to sleep, afraid to wake up on a morning. I spent today looking at four walls. In the room I am confined in, cry in, sleep in, and dream in. It's my comfort, but it's also my prison- my enemy. I couldn’t eat today, the lump in my throat was too big, it wouldn’t allow me to. I want to eat, but I can’t. I also want to sleep, but I can’t. “You could be worse” they say. “Just smile” “You will be fine”. Since when was my mental state something to be compared to? Those words are degrading, humiliating and ignorant. Because I am still here, because my scars have healed, because there isn't a noose tied around my neck. That's enough evidence for them. I'm still here. Still breathing, living, showing my face; so I must be fine, right? Oh, they couldn't be more wrong. You cannot simply compare mental illness so lightly, as if you are comparing fractions in a maths equation. We are not numbers, we are human beings. Each person fighting their own battle. Why do we also tend to glamorize mental illness? Why is it seen almost like a new trend? Like they somehow make a person cute, but an awkward cute. There is nothing beautiful about a mental illness. They are ugly, they are evil, they are soul destroying. They keep you awake at night and make you question every aspect about yourself; your mind, appearance, your body. They make you question why you are not good enough. Why you are not like the others your age. I would rather have nothing at all and wake up every morning happy and energised, than carry the weight of a mental illness on my shoulders, weighing me down in all that I do. However, I am not and will not be defined by my mental illness, it is a part of me, my life. Where I go, it will follow, but I refuse to allow it to steal my identity. It makes you fear the world. Fear the future. Even fear yourself; your mind, thoughts, feelings. You isolate yourself from the world, your friends and the people closest to you who you care for the most. It makes you silent. It takes your voice, your passion. Until you are sat there, weak and lifeless. I wonder what it's like. To wake up on a morning, take a shower, put on your clothes and get ready for the day without a thousand and one thoughts whirling around in your head like a never-ending cycle. I wonder what it feels like to wake up on a morning without a headache, without the urge of wanting to vomit. I wonder what it's like to live an ordinary life. One where you don't over think every minuscule detail. One where you are able to leave you house without panic or fear. One where you are able to walk down the street not being paranoid that everyone is staring at you. Do I have toothpaste around my mouth? Food on my chin? I wonder what it's like to be sat in a crowded room, a loud crowded bus without feeling suffocated. Without wanting to leave as quickly and as desecrate as possible. I wonder what it's like to not have to lie. When someone asks how you are doing to not respond with “I'm just tired”, but to tell them exactly how you are feeling. I wonder what it's like to not wake up with eyelids so tired that they struggle to stay open, struggle to stay awake. I wonder what it's like to go about your day, questioning ho much sleep you think you'll be able to have tonight. Will it be 4 hours? 5 hours? Maybe 6 if we're lucky. I wonder what it's like to be optimistic about the future and not dwell on the past. I wonder what it feels like to say you're happy without having to fake a smile. I wonder what it's like to be in love with your body, every curve and edge. I wonder what it's like not crying in the shower, most if not every day. I've forgotten the last time I didn't feel constantly drained, exhausted. To not wake up every day with the same headache, feeling the same as I did the night before. I've forgotten what it feels like to get dressed on a morning, eat breakfast, without it feeling like an accomplishment. I visited my old school the other week. It brought back so many memories. The place I was taught about new ways of thinking, new ideologies. The place I grew, developed and matured. The place I learnt a lot, not just in Maths, Science and English, but about myself. The place I created and developed new, exciting friendships. Friendships that still continue to grow six years later. It's an odd place is school. It's a place where you experience the best time of your life, but to contrast that, the most challenging and difficult times you will face. Isn't it funny how each person is categorised into groups, into status, into 'coolness'. But, in five, ten, twenty years time, the status you once had, the popularity you once gained will no longer mean anything. In the real world, people don't like you for the popular image that you depict of yourself. They like you for being a humble, genuine and kind person. Well, that's how it should be anyway. School can be a challenging time for those who feel alone, feel as if they don't fit in, like the black sheep among the crowd. I remember my first day of my new high school like it was only last week. Year nine, thirteen years old, the age that everyone has already made their friends, already known each other, already knowing the school like the back of their hand. I had never felt so lost. Leaving my friends and family behind. My lovely, beautiful Grandma. Who the next time I would see, would sadly no longer be here. having to start a new life up here, with unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar voices. I hated being the new girl, I never did like drawing attention to myself. What if nobody would like me? What if people were to laugh at my accent and not be able to understand me? A hundred and one thoughts whirled around in my head that morning, as I put on my new white crisp shirt and fastened my long, navy tie. I was lucky. I was treated with kindness, respect and loyalty from these people, these people that had never met me before. For once in my life, I felt apart of something, apart of a bubbly and comical friendship group; I knew it was something I would latch onto. They made my days better, more entertaining. Cheering me up when I would get bursts of anxiety, missing my one best friend back at home who was nearly three hours away; ninety two miles to be exact. One phone call away, that's all it would take. But it would never compare to the comfort of her voice, her being, her warmth. Nine years of friendship to be turned into conversations on Facebook, on text, with just the blur of her photo to be seen. Nothing can compare to the love you have for your closest, dearest friends. Those friends that would do anything to see you happy, see you smile, walk the ends of the earth for you. Keep them close, as their love is eternal and I personally, am eternally grateful. School was going well, my work and understanding of each subject was also going well. But for some reason, there was an unfamiliar cloud of darkness hovering over me, overwhelming me with a mix of emotions that I didn't quite understand. Tears pouring down face at unexpected times, unsure why Embarrassment, as people would show their concern, asking what the matter what, but I simply couldn't reply as I didn't know myself what was wrong. I had nice friends, a support network, great family, a new bigger house with my own huge bedroom, everything I could need. So what was the matter? Why would I come home from school with tears filling my eyes, so sad and confused? What else would I need? What could I do possibly to fill this emptiness in my head, in my stomach, in my life. I was thirteen years old, I knew I shouldn't be feeling like this. I should be out making memories with my friends, not feeing alone, feeling this way. Time passed and my confidence grew. Although I knew at the back of mind something wasn't quite right, I still pushed myself and acted as if things were normal. I didn't want people to see me like this, see me so weak, like a burden to people. I just wanted to be a normal teenage girl, who would go to sleepovers with- friends, eat too much ice-cream at midnight until she felt sick and giggle herself into a deep sleep. I was a joker. Would make people laugh until they could hardly breath. I liked seeing people smile because of me. Laugh at me. Not at me, but with me. I enjoyed bringing happiness into other people's lives, as it made up for the happiness that was absent in my own. While all of my friends would spend their weekends being sociable, visiting cinemas, parks, town, I would spend most of mine alone, in my room. Watching videos, drawing, eating, to pass time. I remember feeling a bitter jealousy inside of my stomach. Jealous of those friends who could go out, into large crowded areas and enjoy themselves without the heart palpitations, the sweated palms or the sick like feeling in the pit of their stomach.

[thatweirdmod]

Windowless Moviemaker Chapter 4: Parted Eyelid Curtains

Windowless Moviemaker

Chapter 4: Parted Eyelid Curtains

The chirping of the crickets outside my bedroom sounds more stark today, somehow. With Sota on the computer in her room and mom sleeping downstairs, the house is quiet and empty-feeling.

Usually this wouldn't bother me at all, but for some reason, it's bugging me a bit now, even though I'm busy packing my backpack. With no banter between Kidney and me about this, most of the humor is gone from it.

I suppose I feel like what other people would see me as-- a disturbing and dark individual performing forbodding actions. Still, my heart pulsates at the thought of Krin, the forbidden fruit.

I scope out around Kidney's house, careful to avoid passing too close by his window. All the lights are out.

That doesn't guarantee everyone's asleep though, especially not Krin and Kidney, who might've just turned off their lights to make their parents think they'd gone to bed.

 I cautiously peak through the cracks in Krin's blinds, grateful that the Bellourds live in a one-story house. I think I see her in bed. The lulling orange glow of a little nightlight coaxes my gaze.

I watch her to see if she moves in a way that suggests she's awake. Nothing alarming. I gently try her window, and to my surprise, it slides up smoothly with no resistance. My heart thumps again.

I climb in on suddenly rubbery legs. My eyes travel across her sleeping features. God, she's beautiful. My stunned mind thinks I could stand here looking at her forever, but my body moves to the beat of my pounding heart.

I pounce on her with the primordial efficiency buried within every apex predator, and pierce her neck with the sharp needle of my syringe.

As soon as she starts to wake, groaning a muffled sound of confusion and discomfort into the hand covering her mouth, she falls asleep again.

I consider taking her in this state, and letting her think it was all just a bad dream. Kidney might not find out that way. But... I'm dying to see the bright life in Krin's hazel eyes morph into beautiful shapes that I've never seen before.

I put her limp form into the black bag and carry her out of the open window, a breeze lightly blowing her green curtains. I place Krin in the trunk of the red car I rented for this, glance around one more time, and drive away.

I drive at that low speed limit, barely minding it. This feeling coursing through me from head to toe... It's like I'm high, but there's little sugar and no drugs in my system.  This is what they call "elation" I think to myself.

I arrive at the bunker, unzip Krin from the bag, and lay her on the freshly-sheeted bed. I pull up a chair and sit down beside her, patiently watching and waiting.

Butterflies hatch and tear through the flesh of my heart when I see her eyes begin to twitch.

"Krin," I purr softly.

They open more.

"Krin," I repeat again.

She blinks me into focus.

"Ahh!" She screams. Her attempt to jump up from the bed only results in her flopping onto the floor.

"You're still weak from the drugs," I tell her plainly.

She shoots off questions in quick succession. "What drugs?! Where am I? Who are you?" Krin pants shakily.

I laugh lightly. "This is probably what you think it is. So, it follows that I'm not going to answer any of those inquiries of yours."

She looses something between a huff and a scream and scrambles up weakly, while I remain sitting calmly.

"There's no way for you to get out," I state, knowingly.

She ignores what I tell her and continues to search, throwing fearful glances back at me to make sure I'm still in the chair. She mutters words of panic and frantic prayer under her breath.

"Hmm, this is kind of bizarre." I observe. "This isn't quite how it usually goes."

"Damn it! Heeellllppp!!!" The tearful screams fly up from her throat, echo around the concrete, and fall-- buried.

I chuckle a little. "Were you praying just now, miss?"

Krin collapses to her knees in the corner, crying. "What're you gonna do to me?" Her voice, fractured and terrified, practically describes all the horror on its own.

I ignore her question just like she ignored mine. "Do you expect god to reach his holy hand down into this filth, only to drag up filth?" I ask her.

"Huh?" She asks, perplexed.

I turn around in the chair so I can face her, spreading my legs around the back. "Perhaps this is your punishment. You know what he thinks about people like you."

"I don't know.. I don't know..." Krin murmurs with more tears dribbling down her smooth skin.

"I have something that I want you to see, but before that," I say, standing up. "We have to prepare."

She turns her head up to peer at my mask.

"Stand up," I order firmly.

Krin jumps a little at my tone, rises to her feet, and then crosses her arms tightly. Classic defensive body language.

"Hmm, you appear to be over-dressed. Take off your t-shirt."

"W-wh what?" Krin sputters. She looks near ready to faint. Her breathing is irregular and her face is flushed.

"You heard me," I say. "Take off your shirt."

She clutches the shirt, and reluctantly begins pulling one of her slender arms out of the sleeve. I notice her sweep around room- her horror at the cameras.

"Don't worry about those. The masterpiece that you and I are about to create is for my eyes only."

Krin sniffles, but pulls the shirt off a little faster. My head throbs. No bra to sleep, eh? My eyes rove over her deliciously perky tits and gorgeous, shapely body.

"Now..." I say, breathless. "Take off the bottoms. I want to see it all."

I can barely believe this is real. The girl I've been watching for all this time is naked right before me, and prepared to be violated.

I throw all the clothes off of my body like there's a bomb hidden in them. Krin's nervous eyes can't help but be drawn down to my erection.

"It's big isn't it? Look more." I tell her lustfully. "See how hard I've gotten for you." My engorged penis points up stiffly towards my belly button, and it's already leaking pre-ejaculate.

"Jeeto?"

I pause at that almost inaudible question.

"What?"

"It's you, isn't it?" Krin asks with an odd mixture of dismay and hope.

"No..."

"But that body, and that scar on your stomach..." She says, covering her breasts with her arms and standing tautly.

I look down at it. Of course, the scar from when I got my appendix removed a while ago. I was showing it to Kidney, and Krin came over asking if she could see too. I didn't think anything of it.

"I'm an average guy with an average body. What about it? Just go over and lie on the bed."

When she stalls, I dig the pocket knife out of my discarded pants. I walk to her, and she backs away, and away, until her back is to the wall.

Krin steels herself. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but please don't do this. I know this is not you, Jeeto."

I burst forth with laughter, and the blade comes out. "That's something I've always liked about you; you're pretty funny."

"No," she whimpers as I hold the knife up to her throat.

"If you don't play along and pretend that what you said was a joke, I might get mad at you."

I'm close enough to sense her breath catch in her throat.

"Because," I explain, "It's always annoyed me when people do things like jump to assumptions and form conclusions based on shallow observations and biases.

And the way that they so often think they're clever for practicing that stupidity only exacerbates my irritation."

My voice drops lower. "But all that aside, when I take this blade off of your neck, I expect you to go kneel over the bed, understood?"

"Mm-hmm," Krin agrees, afraid to move even a mite against the sharp knife.

I walk to the table across the room while she goes over to the bed. I open up a video on the laptop that's on it, carry the device over, and place it on the bed in front Krin. I lean past her and press "Play".

She gasps when she sees what's on the screen.

"I want us to watch this while we do it," I say, chuckling and forming a vice around her slim waist with my arms.

"No!" She screams, shoving me away.

Krin lunges for the laptop, but I regain my footing and trap her in a crushing bear hug. She groans in pain as her joints crack. The video keeps on playing as she squirms in my arms.

"This feels so good." I hear Kidney moaning through the speakers. "Yes.. yes. Me too." Krin replies amidst the impure slapping of wet body parts.

Her tears drip onto my arms as we listen to the video.

"Why are you doing this to me? Just please.. stop it," Krin begs feebly. I pull her tighter to me and thrust my penis in between her supple ass cheeks.

I moan and whisper into her ear, "I have you now." I walk her over to the bed, and she collapses over it. I throw her onto her back and climb on top of her.

Her eyes look off somewhere into the distance as I spread her legs wide apart. "Your pussy is beautiful," I whisper. I usually don't feel like doing this, but I lean down to taste her.

My tongue laves over her labia and clitoris, then dives and twirls around as deep inside of her slit as I can get it.

For some reason, I'm enjoying this. A glance up shows that Krin is biting her lip with a strained expression. I continue alternating these movements until my cock's demands can no longer wait.

The video is still playing in the background. The room is filled with her and her brother's moaning and heavy breathing, and the sounds of her debauched pussy.

I plunge my cock into Krin's tight hole, eliciting a gasp of discomfort. Fucking her, I say, "Your brother was right. This is "heavenly."

Krin's hazel eyes flicker back to me. Her pretty face is twisted in pain and humiliation.

"He told me," I continue, thrusting, "All about how "precious" you are to him. All about the things you did as kids."

"That's a lie," she chokes out.

"No, it's true. But, he wouldn't let me have you when I asked."

Confusion joins the awful waltz of emotions on her face. "You might be wondering why I'd ask him. After all, he ain't your pimp."

I move slowly inside her, savoring the ride. "It would've been easy for him to slip some roofies into your food, though."

"Stop it," Krin tells me helplessly. Tears slip down from her eyes and into her sandy brown hair.

"Stop telling you the truth? Only a fool would ask for that. Anyway, before he ran his mouth about all that, I didn't want to fuck you this badly. But that damned brother of yours hyped you up so much... it possessed me."

She swallows painfully, her brow furrowed in distress as I leisurely rape her.

"IT'S ALL HIS FAULT, ISN'T IT!?!?!" I scream so loudly that it shatters the bunker air. Krin jumps underneath me, startled and deeply disturbed.

I cackle and caw out a cacophony of laughter. My hips abruptly start jackhammering my member into her. The bed quakes violently, causing the laptop to bounce off onto the floor.

"I'm gonna come!" I shout ferally. "I'm gonna fill up the inside of you, and I'm gonna show it to him!" I gurgle and yell. "I'm gonna make you come!!! Krin!"

She's bawling and struggling under me now. She's surely been awakened from whatever depressed stupor she fell into.

I wrestle her down onto the concrete, and push her legs back as far as I can. "RRAAAHHHH!" I groan in effort, bending the girl in half. She screams in agony, and I pound into her with vicious abandon.

"Spread your legs you rotten forbidden fruit!" I screech at her manically. "Spread them! Let me see your sinful cunt spasm around my righteous cock as I make you come! I'll never stop reaming your holes until you give in!"

My head shoots up to the cameras, to their wide-eyed, unforgetting faces. "BURN IT! Burn it... BUUURRRRRNNNN IIIIIIITTTT!!!"

I bellow at them. "Burn it inside for me to rip off and clench forever. Burn it inside so you'll be speecciiiaaaalll!!"

My dick explodes inside of her. White cum spills over her lower lips. Over-stuffed.

I rise off of the traumatized girl and stagger into a wall.

"None of this went as planned. None of it," I mutter. "What will I do now?" I ask softly.

I look like a dashingly sexy heart-throb of a young man when I inquire that. I know that Krin is shy around me, but I'll convince her that it's okay, somehow.

Krin hics and sobs on the ground, clutching her head inside her hands.

Frustration seizes me, and I rush back over to her. "Kriiinnn!!!" I growl, pulling her up by her neck. I wind my fist back and deck her in the face. The girl crumples to the floor.

"Hahahaha! Ahahaa! Guess I oneshot-ted you, eh? Flawless victoryyyyy! Fatalityyyyyy!"

I join her on the ground, and wrap my legs around her throat. I squeeze and squeeze, but there's not enough strain in my muscles. Tighter.. tighter. Come on... It's still not enough. A voice tells me several minutes have passed.

"Oh. Hey." I say once I see her again. "Your face is blue now. I liked the light tan you had before more than this. Go back." I say numbly.

I climb on top of her and punch her in the face again. "Go back." I repeat. My fists keep crunching and mashing against her face, over and over.

"Oh no, it's even worse now. You don't look like you did before. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?!?" I demand from her lifeless body, shaking it roughly.

I crawl down and spread her legs. I smile unstably. "There it is, that beautiful pink pussy perfumed with blood."

I reach up and rub circles on her clit with my thumb. "Does that make it throb down here? Are you feeling good? Ahahaha. I knew you were still here, Kri-,"

Something roils inside of me, and I spew vomit all over her and the floor. When I think I'm done, I vomit again, even harder.

"Look at the mess I've made all over your ass and pussy, you thing. Now I won't be able to fuck you."

I crawl up and squeeze her breasts in my hands, trying to make them ooze through my fingers like goo.

No matter how hard I squeeze, though, it doesn't happen. I rub the tip of my erection against her nipples. They feel like ice blocks.

"This isn't satisfying me..." I say, dejected. "I want your hot pussy. I want you to squeal through your teeth when I force my penis into your anus..."

Creaking above me catches my attention. I rasp out several giggles. "Heeheehee. Looks like it's over."

Feet step down into the bunker, and I keep that low laugh going. It's the hum of my generator. Kidney appears before me, his eyes like dark pools.

"Ahahahaa..." I laugh nervously. "I guess you caught me. A little sooner than I expected, but that's fine." I scratch the back of my head abashedly.

He falls to his hands and knees, a sad howl seeps from his throat. Tears pour from his eyes and make dark gray splotches on the concrete floor.

I stand there, between reality and the other dimensional dreamworld, distantly listening to Kidney wail. My heart, wherever did it go?

Breathless laughs force themselves from the hollow of my chest. The sandy brown haired thing finally looks back up at me. The water has been burned away by fire, I can see.

"You took it all it away," Kidney says. His voice swirls with rage, hurt, and passion. I look around. Yes. Yes. The cameras are capturing this-- the movie of a lifetime in a very literal sense.

"This masterpiece is one of a kind." I speak with my eyes stretched open impossibly wide. I suddenly get a top-down, third-person view and see that I'm like a fish.

"Not even its creator and director knows how it will end," I say.

"What?" Kidney asks incredulously. "What the fuck are you babbling about?"

I open my hugely smiling, monstrous mouth. It's a cavernous vortex of dark purple, pink, blue, and red, and it's full of gapped, sharp little teeth. I intend to explain. However, Kidney cuts me off.

"Forget it," he says, shaking his head. "I don't wanna know. I don't wanna hear it."

As fast, or as slow, as I can blink, he reaches into his waistband and pulls out a revolver. I raise my hands and splay my fingers, humored.

"Ahahaha..."

"Shut up," Kidney barks at me. He pulls the trigger twice. I think my ears and knees should be in excruciating pain, but it's only vague. *Ringinging riiinginging.* A telephone sounds somewhere to compensate for that lack.

I flop down- crippled. I can damply hear the clips of Kidney's shoes on the concrete. He kicks me in the eye, and it feels weird. I think it partially fell out.

"Listen to me." He says with too much calm.

"You might think this is going to end tonight, but it won't. You will watch and live as I take everything away from you that you took from me and Krin.

I will destroy the most precious thing to- your films. I will take your dignity. I will grind you into nothing, until you lose even your will to live."

"My films..." I think. "That is unthinkable, inconceivable. It must be a nightmare....."

My eyes shoot open to a beige ceiling. A dark blue comforter is covering me from the neck down. "Huh?" I mumble to myself as I lean up and look at the clock. 2:17 AM.

That was one messed up dream, even for me. I mean, I was totally crazy. That's not how I act, so what gives?

Amazingly, though, it has given me an idea. Now that I know about Krin and Kidney's activities, I might get some blackmailing material if I set a cam up in Kidney's room. I flop back down onto the bed, and sink in with a sigh.

Amazingly as well, however, this dream has actually given me second thoughts about raping Krin. I turn my head over to the closet.

I fully loaded my black backpack when I got home earlier today, or err, yesterday technically. Maybe I could be satisfied if I could get into her pants the normal way.

I turn over to the window and stare at the pale moonlight filtering through my closed blinds. If this full moon were an eye, would it be able to see everything its rays touched?

Well, they are not the moon's rays anyway. This light is the sun's, as it uses the moon to relay its message to us that it isn't gone, though it may let night fall.

What the hell am I going on about? I've personified the celestial bodies like some superstitious ancient tribe. Thank goodness almost all those sorts have died out.

There are just enough left to provide those of us of the scientific world with entertainment on TV. I bet some people tune in just to see those saggy titted women pounding grain in nothing but beads, oblivious to their own shamefulness.

Then, I decide to play a game. "Mother Moon, Mother Moon. Take me back into your womb."

I chant this 3 times, then close my eyes, breathe out a long breath, and imagine that my body dissolves into the soft light around me. I let my airy form be drawn up to the relayer of light.

I see the cosmos around me.

It's an ethereally black world filled richly with innumerable lights. Stars dazzle in blazing yellow, crystalline blue, and flashing pink.

Sparkling and glowing are gentle purple, bleeding red, and nostalgic orange amongst a magnificent host of colors.

I'm awestruck and overwhelmed. It amazes me that Mother Moon's light even saw and reached me, speck of dust that I am in this vast and immeasurable universe.

She is a bright, welcoming place with glowing blue light around her surface. When I touch her dream-like white sands, what remains of me immediately joins into her. Warm. I'm so warm.

And when I open my eyes and gaze back down the thread of light that guided me here, I find myself back in my town. Only, now I am free to go wherever I wish.

I ride the breeze through Kidney's window, and see that he must be feeling the earthly version of what I'm feeling.

Krin is wrapped in his arms, and he in hers. Their mouths touch and dance together affectionately. I'm probably closer than I should be. I can feel their heat as they press their bodies together in fleshly bliss.

This amazing perspective is like nothing I've experienced before, but with a blink, it's gone. I felt that blink, I realize. I'm back in my bed, seeing everything through such dim eyes.

Some imagination I have. It's like I really wasn't here for the past several minutes.

I sit up and use a finger to lift one of the vinyl blinds. I peer up at the moon, boding over my house. A light chill passes up my skin. I decide to close my blue plaid curtains and lie back down to get some proper shut eye.

[almajonesnjna]

What are Electrolytes? Is Gatorade good for you?

What exactly are electrolytes? You hear them mentioned all the time to sell sports drinks like Gatorade, Powerade, and Brawndo. Do you need them? Are you getting enough? What do electrolytes do for you anyway? All you hear about is “rehydrate” this, and “electrolyte” that…is all this for real? Were humans born to consume sports drinks?

We’ll be diving into these waters headfirst, to give you everything you need to know about electrolytes:

What are these electrolytes?

Are you getting enough?

Should you be supplementing electrolytes?

Are Gatorade and other sports drinks a good idea?

First up, let’s chat chemistry.

WHAT ARE ELECTROLYTES?

Your body is constantly working around the clock to keep itself in balance. One way it does this is with “ionic solutions,” called electrolytes. They work to keep your body, muscles, and nerves functioning properly.

Electrolytes are electrically charged minerals and compounds, which is where the “ion” part comes in. They basically conduct electricity when mixed with water. No electrolytes, means no electricity, means body-no-worky.

There are all kinds of electrolytes, but the most important are:

Sodium

Chloride

Potassium

Magnesium

Calcium

Phosphate

Bicarbonate

Again, these are critical for health, which is why your body strives to keep them in order.

Which brings us to your kidneys. Your kidneys exist to help keep your body in balance by regulating the fluids and electrolytes in your body. One way they do this is by making pee – kidneys essentially filter blood so they can get rid of waste products like urea and ammonia. When you are dehydrated, your kidneys make your pee as concentrated as possible to keep water in the body. When you are well hydrated, your kidneys let more water leave with the waste. Which is why your pee looks different depending on how hydrated you are (we’ll touch on this again later).

Bringing it back to our topic at hand, your kidneys also regulate the concentration of electrolytes in your blood. When you work out, you sweat (trust me on this one, I’m a fitness expert). When you sweat, you lose fluids and electrolytes – especially sodium and chloride (which is why your sweat tastes salty…stop tasting your sweat you creep). Now, when you’re lacking fluids and electrolytes, your muscles suffer and your performance suffers.

Which is why having your electrolytes in balance is so crucial.

I can see the concern on your face already.

If I’ve lost you, and the idea of performance issues stresses you out, we got you. We created a 1-on-1 private online coaching program to answer questions just like “Do I need to supplement my workout with electrolytes?”

We work with busy people just like you to help establish goals and plans to achieve them. If you have tons of questions or want an accountability partner, we are here for you.

Click below to find out if we are a good fit for each other. We’ll schedule you a free call with a member of Team Nerd Fitness, who would love to talk to you no matter what!

AM I GETTING ENOUGH ELECTROLYTES?

Not only can you lack electrolytes, but you can also have TOO MANY. Electrolytes take on a positive or negative charge when they dissolve in your body fluid. So having too many of some and not enough of another can create problems.

Ugh. Fitness can be complicated.

Here are some signs that things are out of whack:

Dehydration. If you don’t have enough water in your system, your electrolytes will be out of balance. As we mentioned, electrolytes dissolve in water, so if you are dehydrated almost by definition you are lacking electrolytes. Drink up. Again, we’ll talk about pee color as a sign of hydration later.

Diarrhea and constipation. Gross. However, we need to chat about this. Poop is mostly made out of water, so diarrhea and constipation could be a sign of an electrolyte imbalance. Plus, if you get a viral infection and get diarrhea, you can become dehydrated and then… more electrolyte imbalances. If you have problems going #2, see your doctor if this lasts for more than a few days.

Fatigue. A common symptom of an electrolyte disorder is fatigue. If you’re feeling groggy, something might be off with your electrolytes, specifically a lack of magnesium. Many different body processes depend on magnesium, so being deficient can make you feel chronically tired.

Muscle cramp. Has your muscle ever freaked out and felt like it was trying to detach itself from the bone? Almost as if your leg was going to snap in half? That’s a muscle cramp, and likely caused by an electrolyte imbalance or dehydration.

Generally, if your electrolytes are out of balance, it’s because you are deficient. It’s way more common to have too few than too many electrolytes. Which is why proper hydration is so critical.

Now that I’ve convinced you that you are going to die a miserable and terrible death from the lack of electrolytes, let’s chat about Gatorade.

SPORTS DRINKS TO THE RESCUE?

How does Gatorade (or any sports drink–they’re all about the same) work? Sticking to the theme of this article, it comes down to electrolytes. Water will get into your bloodstream faster (and to the right places) when it’s mixed with electrolytes, because water follows electrolytes. Said another way, the absorption of water depends on sodium, an electrolyte. And Gatorade, like Brawndo, has electrolytes.

Gatorade has a good amount of sodium, as well as glucose (sugar). And your small intestines LOVE glucose. The little transporters in your small intestines will pick up that glucose, and in turn pick up the sodium. If they‘re picking up glucose and sodium, they’re also grabbing the H20, and BOOM! You’re getting rehydrated faster. That’s the theory, and there is some evidence in support.[1]

Another benefit of Gatorade is that sodium minimizes urination (Remember osmosis from high school chemistry? Water goes where the salt is). When you’re drinking Gatorade, the liquid will stay in your body longer, giving it more time to get absorbed, which will get you back into balance quicker! So I realize this section reads like an ad for Gatorade. Pay no attention to the bag of money left for me in the corner. All this talk about how great Gatorade is at getting you rehydrated quicker will REALLY only affect you if you’re doing hours and hours of strenuous activity. That report mentioned above was critical on this point. If you’re just working out for 45 minutes, drinking water throughout the workout and afterward will keep you plenty hydrated. You can forgo a sports drink.

However, if you’re running a marathon, Gatorade might be a good idea.

You know what isn’t a good idea? Bourbon. Trust me on this one.

However, I run a fitness site here. So I can’t let this be the final word on Gatorade.

Is Gatorade healthy?

Reality check: Gatorade is essentially sugar water with some electrolytes added. And sugar can make you fat. If you’re looking to burn fat, drinking a 32 oz Gatorade will probably put back all the calories you just burned off during your workout (there are about 200-240 calories in there, most of which is sugar). It comes down to total calories consumed vs. total calories burned every day. To lose body fat, you need to be in a caloric deficit, meaning you need to burn more than you consume. Drinking Gatorade can make this equation more difficult to tip in your favor. So if you are doing moderate exercise, or even strenuous exercise for a shorter (an hour or so) amount of time, water should suffice. If you are running marathons or doing hours of intense work, then replenishing your electrolytes is important. And one way to do that could be Gatorade. Just don’t sit on your couch eating donuts and drinking Gatorade, despite the presence of electrolytes. The sugar will go straight to your gut!

Are you doomed? Do you have to drink sugar water to get enough electrolytes?

OTHER WAYS TO SUPPLEMENT ELECTROLYTES  

All sorts of foods contain electrolytes. Our caveman ancestors didn’t have access to Fierce: Melon. They had to get their electrolytes from food.

This is still a good strategy.

Here are some ideas on how to eat your electrolytes:

Fish. Salmon, sardines, and mackerel all have high concentrations of calcium. A diet high in fish, like the Mediterranean, might be a good idea in this regard.

Fruit. Bananas, as well as oranges and melons, are a good source of potassium. So are avocados, which are also technically in the fruit family.

Nuts and seeds. If you’re looking for food with magnesium, look to nuts and seeds. Almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews, pumpkin and watermelon seeds are all a great source of magnesium.

Spinach. This leafy green is packed full of electrolytes. One cup of spinach contains 839 mg of potassium, 245 mg of calcium, and 157 mg of magnesium. Popeye was on to something.

I’ll also note, that most REAL food (mushrooms, lentils, peas), will have micronutrients like electrolytes. Processed food like a Twinkie? Not so much.

If you eat a diet containing mostly REAL food, you should be fine on electrolytes. We evolved to get our nutrients from the foods we eat. If you want more guidance on what healthy eating means, make sure you check out our Guide on Healthy Eating. We explain what REAL food is, plus give you guidance on how to move your diet in that direction.

It should be noted that if you want to supplement with extra electrolytes, you don’t have to swig Gatorade. There are plenty of electrolytes on the market. Mix some with water after a workout and you��ll be good to go. This, plus lightly salting your food will do the trick.

I’ll end this section by saying that some low-carb diets like Keto can cause you to lose water and electrolytes along with it. We dive in the subject pretty heavily in our guide, but it’s good to keep in mind that if you are going low-carb, you’ll likely need more electrolytes than the average person.

Okay. That about does it. However, I promised we’d get to it.

LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR URINE  

We started this article talking about pee. And like a Quentin Tarantino movie, that’s how we’ll end it. With pee. This joke worked in my head…

Do you have pale yellow pee? You’re right on track.

Bright or dark yellow pee? Make a few more trips to the water cooler.

Mountain Dew colored pee? Your body is severely dehydrated.

Any other color of the rainbow? RUN to the doctor.

-Steve

PS: If you want an accountability partner to answer all your fitness questions, I’ll again remind you of the Nerd Fitness Coaching Program. We can give you feedback on workouts, nutrition, and other lifestyle habits. We can even take a look at the color of your pee to see if you’re dehydrated.[2]

**All photo credits can be found right here[3]**

Footnotes    ( returns to text)

Check out the report from the University of Califonia on sports drinks

I’m 100% joking on this one. Please don’t send any of our coaches pictures of your pee.

Photo Credit: Litter in a field, Gatorade, Sugar, Cold Fruits, Hazmat guy

https://ift.tt/2PDwY7k

[neilmillerne]

What are Electrolytes? Is Gatorade good for you?

What exactly are electrolytes? You hear them mentioned all the time to sell sports drinks like Gatorade, Powerade, and Brawndo. Do you need them? Are you getting enough? What do electrolytes do for you anyway? All you hear about is “rehydrate” this, and “electrolyte” that…is all this for real? Were humans born to consume sports drinks?

We’ll be diving into these waters headfirst, to give you everything you need to know about electrolytes:

What are these electrolytes?

Are you getting enough?

Should you be supplementing electrolytes?

Are Gatorade and other sports drinks a good idea?

First up, let’s chat chemistry.

WHAT ARE ELECTROLYTES?

Your body is constantly working around the clock to keep itself in balance. One way it does this is with “ionic solutions,” called electrolytes. They work to keep your body, muscles, and nerves functioning properly.

Electrolytes are electrically charged minerals and compounds, which is where the “ion” part comes in. They basically conduct electricity when mixed with water. No electrolytes, means no electricity, means body-no-worky.

There are all kinds of electrolytes, but the most important are:

Sodium

Chloride

Potassium

Magnesium

Calcium

Phosphate

Bicarbonate

Again, these are critical for health, which is why your body strives to keep them in order.

Which brings us to your kidneys. Your kidneys exist to help keep your body in balance by regulating the fluids and electrolytes in your body. One way they do this is by making pee – kidneys essentially filter blood so they can get rid of waste products like urea and ammonia. When you are dehydrated, your kidneys make your pee as concentrated as possible to keep water in the body. When you are well hydrated, your kidneys let more water leave with the waste. Which is why your pee looks different depending on how hydrated you are (we’ll touch on this again later).

Bringing it back to our topic at hand, your kidneys also regulate the concentration of electrolytes in your blood. When you work out, you sweat (trust me on this one, I’m a fitness expert). When you sweat, you lose fluids and electrolytes – especially sodium and chloride (which is why your sweat tastes salty…stop tasting your sweat you creep). Now, when you’re lacking fluids and electrolytes, your muscles suffer and your performance suffers.

Which is why having your electrolytes in balance is so crucial.

I can see the concern on your face already.

If I’ve lost you, and the idea of performance issues stresses you out, we got you. We created a 1-on-1 private online coaching program to answer questions just like “Do I need to supplement my workout with electrolytes?”

We work with busy people just like you to help establish goals and plans to achieve them. If you have tons of questions or want an accountability partner, we are here for you.

Click below to find out if we are a good fit for each other. We’ll schedule you a free call with a member of Team Nerd Fitness, who would love to talk to you no matter what!

AM I GETTING ENOUGH ELECTROLYTES?

Not only can you lack electrolytes, but you can also have TOO MANY. Electrolytes take on a positive or negative charge when they dissolve in your body fluid. So having too many of some and not enough of another can create problems.

Ugh. Fitness can be complicated.

Here are some signs that things are out of whack:

Dehydration. If you don’t have enough water in your system, your electrolytes will be out of balance. As we mentioned, electrolytes dissolve in water, so if you are dehydrated almost by definition you are lacking electrolytes. Drink up. Again, we’ll talk about pee color as a sign of hydration later.

Diarrhea and constipation. Gross. However, we need to chat about this. Poop is mostly made out of water, so diarrhea and constipation could be a sign of an electrolyte imbalance. Plus, if you get a viral infection and get diarrhea, you can become dehydrated and then… more electrolyte imbalances. If you have problems going #2, see your doctor if this lasts for more than a few days.

Fatigue. A common symptom of an electrolyte disorder is fatigue. If you’re feeling groggy, something might be off with your electrolytes, specifically a lack of magnesium. Many different body processes depend on magnesium, so being deficient can make you feel chronically tired.

Muscle cramp. Has your muscle ever freaked out and felt like it was trying to detach itself from the bone? Almost as if your leg was going to snap in half? That’s a muscle cramp, and likely caused by an electrolyte imbalance or dehydration.

Generally, if your electrolytes are out of balance, it’s because you are deficient. It’s way more common to have too few than too many electrolytes. Which is why proper hydration is so critical.

Now that I’ve convinced you that you are going to die a miserable and terrible death from the lack of electrolytes, let’s chat about Gatorade.

SPORTS DRINKS TO THE RESCUE?

How does Gatorade (or any sports drink–they’re all about the same) work? Sticking to the theme of this article, it comes down to electrolytes. Water will get into your bloodstream faster (and to the right places) when it’s mixed with electrolytes, because water follows electrolytes. Said another way, the absorption of water depends on sodium, an electrolyte. And Gatorade, like Brawndo, has electrolytes.

Gatorade has a good amount of sodium, as well as glucose (sugar). And your small intestines LOVE glucose. The little transporters in your small intestines will pick up that glucose, and in turn pick up the sodium. If they‘re picking up glucose and sodium, they’re also grabbing the H20, and BOOM! You’re getting rehydrated faster. That’s the theory, and there is some evidence in support.[1]

Another benefit of Gatorade is that sodium minimizes urination (Remember osmosis from high school chemistry? Water goes where the salt is). When you’re drinking Gatorade, the liquid will stay in your body longer, giving it more time to get absorbed, which will get you back into balance quicker! So I realize this section reads like an ad for Gatorade. Pay no attention to the bag of money left for me in the corner. All this talk about how great Gatorade is at getting you rehydrated quicker will REALLY only affect you if you’re doing hours and hours of strenuous activity. That report mentioned above was critical on this point. If you’re just working out for 45 minutes, drinking water throughout the workout and afterward will keep you plenty hydrated. You can forgo a sports drink.

However, if you’re running a marathon, Gatorade might be a good idea.

You know what isn’t a good idea? Bourbon. Trust me on this one.

However, I run a fitness site here. So I can’t let this be the final word on Gatorade.

Is Gatorade healthy?

Reality check: Gatorade is essentially sugar water with some electrolytes added. And sugar can make you fat. If you’re looking to burn fat, drinking a 32 oz Gatorade will probably put back all the calories you just burned off during your workout (there are about 200-240 calories in there, most of which is sugar). It comes down to total calories consumed vs. total calories burned every day. To lose body fat, you need to be in a caloric deficit, meaning you need to burn more than you consume. Drinking Gatorade can make this equation more difficult to tip in your favor. So if you are doing moderate exercise, or even strenuous exercise for a shorter (an hour or so) amount of time, water should suffice. If you are running marathons or doing hours of intense work, then replenishing your electrolytes is important. And one way to do that could be Gatorade. Just don’t sit on your couch eating donuts and drinking Gatorade, despite the presence of electrolytes. The sugar will go straight to your gut!

Are you doomed? Do you have to drink sugar water to get enough electrolytes?

OTHER WAYS TO SUPPLEMENT ELECTROLYTES  

All sorts of foods contain electrolytes. Our caveman ancestors didn’t have access to Fierce: Melon. They had to get their electrolytes from food.

This is still a good strategy.

Here are some ideas on how to eat your electrolytes:

Fish. Salmon, sardines, and mackerel all have high concentrations of calcium. A diet high in fish, like the Mediterranean, might be a good idea in this regard.

Fruit. Bananas, as well as oranges and melons, are a good source of potassium. So are avocados, which are also technically in the fruit family.

Nuts and seeds. If you’re looking for food with magnesium, look to nuts and seeds. Almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews, pumpkin and watermelon seeds are all a great source of magnesium.

Spinach. This leafy green is packed full of electrolytes. One cup of spinach contains 839 mg of potassium, 245 mg of calcium, and 157 mg of magnesium. Popeye was on to something.

I’ll also note, that most REAL food (mushrooms, lentils, peas), will have micronutrients like electrolytes. Processed food like a Twinkie? Not so much.

If you eat a diet containing mostly REAL food, you should be fine on electrolytes. We evolved to get our nutrients from the foods we eat. If you want more guidance on what healthy eating means, make sure you check out our Guide on Healthy Eating. We explain what REAL food is, plus give you guidance on how to move your diet in that direction.

It should be noted that if you want to supplement with extra electrolytes, you don’t have to swig Gatorade. There are plenty of electrolytes on the market. Mix some with water after a workout and you’ll be good to go. This, plus lightly salting your food will do the trick.

I’ll end this section by saying that some low-carb diets like Keto can cause you to lose water and electrolytes along with it. We dive in the subject pretty heavily in our guide, but it’s good to keep in mind that if you are going low-carb, you’ll likely need more electrolytes than the average person.

Okay. That about does it. However, I promised we’d get to it.

LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR URINE  

We started this article talking about pee. And like a Quentin Tarantino movie, that’s how we’ll end it. With pee. This joke worked in my head…

Do you have pale yellow pee? You’re right on track.

Bright or dark yellow pee? Make a few more trips to the water cooler.

Mountain Dew colored pee? Your body is severely dehydrated.

Any other color of the rainbow? RUN to the doctor.

-Steve

PS: If you want an accountability partner to answer all your fitness questions, I’ll again remind you of the Nerd Fitness Coaching Program. We can give you feedback on workouts, nutrition, and other lifestyle habits. We can even take a look at the color of your pee to see if you’re dehydrated.[2]

**All photo credits can be found right here[3]**

Footnotes    ( returns to text)

Check out the report from the University of Califonia on sports drinks

I’m 100% joking on this one. Please don’t send any of our coaches pictures of your pee.

Photo Credit: Litter in a field, Gatorade, Sugar, Cold Fruits, Hazmat guy

https://ift.tt/2PDwY7k

[albertcaldwellne]

What are Electrolytes? Is Gatorade good for you?

What exactly are electrolytes? You hear them mentioned all the time to sell sports drinks like Gatorade, Powerade, and Brawndo. Do you need them? Are you getting enough? What do electrolytes do for you anyway? All you hear about is “rehydrate” this, and “electrolyte” that…is all this for real? Were humans born to consume sports drinks?

We’ll be diving into these waters headfirst, to give you everything you need to know about electrolytes:

What are these electrolytes?

Are you getting enough?

Should you be supplementing electrolytes?

Are Gatorade and other sports drinks a good idea?

First up, let’s chat chemistry.

WHAT ARE ELECTROLYTES?

Your body is constantly working around the clock to keep itself in balance. One way it does this is with “ionic solutions,” called electrolytes. They work to keep your body, muscles, and nerves functioning properly.

Electrolytes are electrically charged minerals and compounds, which is where the “ion” part comes in. They basically conduct electricity when mixed with water. No electrolytes, means no electricity, means body-no-worky.

There are all kinds of electrolytes, but the most important are:

Sodium

Chloride

Potassium

Magnesium

Calcium

Phosphate

Bicarbonate

Again, these are critical for health, which is why your body strives to keep them in order.

Which brings us to your kidneys. Your kidneys exist to help keep your body in balance by regulating the fluids and electrolytes in your body. One way they do this is by making pee – kidneys essentially filter blood so they can get rid of waste products like urea and ammonia. When you are dehydrated, your kidneys make your pee as concentrated as possible to keep water in the body. When you are well hydrated, your kidneys let more water leave with the waste. Which is why your pee looks different depending on how hydrated you are (we’ll touch on this again later).

Bringing it back to our topic at hand, your kidneys also regulate the concentration of electrolytes in your blood. When you work out, you sweat (trust me on this one, I’m a fitness expert). When you sweat, you lose fluids and electrolytes – especially sodium and chloride (which is why your sweat tastes salty…stop tasting your sweat you creep). Now, when you’re lacking fluids and electrolytes, your muscles suffer and your performance suffers.

Which is why having your electrolytes in balance is so crucial.

I can see the concern on your face already.

If I’ve lost you, and the idea of performance issues stresses you out, we got you. We created a 1-on-1 private online coaching program to answer questions just like “Do I need to supplement my workout with electrolytes?”

We work with busy people just like you to help establish goals and plans to achieve them. If you have tons of questions or want an accountability partner, we are here for you.

Click below to find out if we are a good fit for each other. We’ll schedule you a free call with a member of Team Nerd Fitness, who would love to talk to you no matter what!

AM I GETTING ENOUGH ELECTROLYTES?

Not only can you lack electrolytes, but you can also have TOO MANY. Electrolytes take on a positive or negative charge when they dissolve in your body fluid. So having too many of some and not enough of another can create problems.

Ugh. Fitness can be complicated.

Here are some signs that things are out of whack:

Dehydration. If you don’t have enough water in your system, your electrolytes will be out of balance. As we mentioned, electrolytes dissolve in water, so if you are dehydrated almost by definition you are lacking electrolytes. Drink up. Again, we’ll talk about pee color as a sign of hydration later.

Diarrhea and constipation. Gross. However, we need to chat about this. Poop is mostly made out of water, so diarrhea and constipation could be a sign of an electrolyte imbalance. Plus, if you get a viral infection and get diarrhea, you can become dehydrated and then… more electrolyte imbalances. If you have problems going #2, see your doctor if this lasts for more than a few days.

Fatigue. A common symptom of an electrolyte disorder is fatigue. If you’re feeling groggy, something might be off with your electrolytes, specifically a lack of magnesium. Many different body processes depend on magnesium, so being deficient can make you feel chronically tired.

Muscle cramp. Has your muscle ever freaked out and felt like it was trying to detach itself from the bone? Almost as if your leg was going to snap in half? That’s a muscle cramp, and likely caused by an electrolyte imbalance or dehydration.

Generally, if your electrolytes are out of balance, it’s because you are deficient. It’s way more common to have too few than too many electrolytes. Which is why proper hydration is so critical.

Now that I’ve convinced you that you are going to die a miserable and terrible death from the lack of electrolytes, let’s chat about Gatorade.

SPORTS DRINKS TO THE RESCUE?

How does Gatorade (or any sports drink–they’re all about the same) work? Sticking to the theme of this article, it comes down to electrolytes. Water will get into your bloodstream faster (and to the right places) when it’s mixed with electrolytes, because water follows electrolytes. Said another way, the absorption of water depends on sodium, an electrolyte. And Gatorade, like Brawndo, has electrolytes.

Gatorade has a good amount of sodium, as well as glucose (sugar). And your small intestines LOVE glucose. The little transporters in your small intestines will pick up that glucose, and in turn pick up the sodium. If they‘re picking up glucose and sodium, they’re also grabbing the H20, and BOOM! You’re getting rehydrated faster. That’s the theory, and there is some evidence in support.[1]

Another benefit of Gatorade is that sodium minimizes urination (Remember osmosis from high school chemistry? Water goes where the salt is). When you’re drinking Gatorade, the liquid will stay in your body longer, giving it more time to get absorbed, which will get you back into balance quicker! So I realize this section reads like an ad for Gatorade. Pay no attention to the bag of money left for me in the corner. All this talk about how great Gatorade is at getting you rehydrated quicker will REALLY only affect you if you’re doing hours and hours of strenuous activity. That report mentioned above was critical on this point. If you’re just working out for 45 minutes, drinking water throughout the workout and afterward will keep you plenty hydrated. You can forgo a sports drink.

However, if you’re running a marathon, Gatorade might be a good idea.

You know what isn’t a good idea? Bourbon. Trust me on this one.

However, I run a fitness site here. So I can’t let this be the final word on Gatorade.

Is Gatorade healthy?

Reality check: Gatorade is essentially sugar water with some electrolytes added. And sugar can make you fat. If you’re looking to burn fat, drinking a 32 oz Gatorade will probably put back all the calories you just burned off during your workout (there are about 200-240 calories in there, most of which is sugar). It comes down to total calories consumed vs. total calories burned every day. To lose body fat, you need to be in a caloric deficit, meaning you need to burn more than you consume. Drinking Gatorade can make this equation more difficult to tip in your favor. So if you are doing moderate exercise, or even strenuous exercise for a shorter (an hour or so) amount of time, water should suffice. If you are running marathons or doing hours of intense work, then replenishing your electrolytes is important. And one way to do that could be Gatorade. Just don’t sit on your couch eating donuts and drinking Gatorade, despite the presence of electrolytes. The sugar will go straight to your gut!

Are you doomed? Do you have to drink sugar water to get enough electrolytes?

OTHER WAYS TO SUPPLEMENT ELECTROLYTES  

All sorts of foods contain electrolytes. Our caveman ancestors didn’t have access to Fierce: Melon. They had to get their electrolytes from food.

This is still a good strategy.

Here are some ideas on how to eat your electrolytes:

Fish. Salmon, sardines, and mackerel all have high concentrations of calcium. A diet high in fish, like the Mediterranean, might be a good idea in this regard.

Fruit. Bananas, as well as oranges and melons, are a good source of potassium. So are avocados, which are also technically in the fruit family.

Nuts and seeds. If you’re looking for food with magnesium, look to nuts and seeds. Almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews, pumpkin and watermelon seeds are all a great source of magnesium.

Spinach. This leafy green is packed full of electrolytes. One cup of spinach contains 839 mg of potassium, 245 mg of calcium, and 157 mg of magnesium. Popeye was on to something.

I’ll also note, that most REAL food (mushrooms, lentils, peas), will have micronutrients like electrolytes. Processed food like a Twinkie? Not so much.

If you eat a diet containing mostly REAL food, you should be fine on electrolytes. We evolved to get our nutrients from the foods we eat. If you want more guidance on what healthy eating means, make sure you check out our Guide on Healthy Eating. We explain what REAL food is, plus give you guidance on how to move your diet in that direction.

It should be noted that if you want to supplement with extra electrolytes, you don’t have to swig Gatorade. There are plenty of electrolytes on the market. Mix some with water after a workout and you’ll be good to go. This, plus lightly salting your food will do the trick.

I’ll end this section by saying that some low-carb diets like Keto can cause you to lose water and electrolytes along with it. We dive in the subject pretty heavily in our guide, but it’s good to keep in mind that if you are going low-carb, you’ll likely need more electrolytes than the average person.

Okay. That about does it. However, I promised we’d get to it.

LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR URINE  

We started this article talking about pee. And like a Quentin Tarantino movie, that’s how we’ll end it. With pee. This joke worked in my head…

Do you have pale yellow pee? You’re right on track.

Bright or dark yellow pee? Make a few more trips to the water cooler.

Mountain Dew colored pee? Your body is severely dehydrated.

Any other color of the rainbow? RUN to the doctor.

-Steve

PS: If you want an accountability partner to answer all your fitness questions, I’ll again remind you of the Nerd Fitness Coaching Program. We can give you feedback on workouts, nutrition, and other lifestyle habits. We can even take a look at the color of your pee to see if you’re dehydrated.[2]

**All photo credits can be found right here[3]**

Footnotes    ( returns to text)

Check out the report from the University of Califonia on sports drinks

I’m 100% joking on this one. Please don’t send any of our coaches pictures of your pee.

Photo Credit: Litter in a field, Gatorade, Sugar, Cold Fruits, Hazmat guy

https://ift.tt/2PDwY7k

[ruthellisneda]

What are Electrolytes? Is Gatorade good for you?

What exactly are electrolytes? You hear them mentioned all the time to sell sports drinks like Gatorade, Powerade, and Brawndo. Do you need them? Are you getting enough? What do electrolytes do for you anyway? All you hear about is “rehydrate” this, and “electrolyte” that…is all this for real? Were humans born to consume sports drinks?

We’ll be diving into these waters headfirst, to give you everything you need to know about electrolytes:

What are these electrolytes?

Are you getting enough?

Should you be supplementing electrolytes?

Are Gatorade and other sports drinks a good idea?

First up, let’s chat chemistry.

WHAT ARE ELECTROLYTES?

Your body is constantly working around the clock to keep itself in balance. One way it does this is with “ionic solutions,” called electrolytes. They work to keep your body, muscles, and nerves functioning properly.

Electrolytes are electrically charged minerals and compounds, which is where the “ion” part comes in. They basically conduct electricity when mixed with water. No electrolytes, means no electricity, means body-no-worky.

There are all kinds of electrolytes, but the most important are:

Sodium

Chloride

Potassium

Magnesium

Calcium

Phosphate

Bicarbonate

Again, these are critical for health, which is why your body strives to keep them in order.

Which brings us to your kidneys. Your kidneys exist to help keep your body in balance by regulating the fluids and electrolytes in your body. One way they do this is by making pee – kidneys essentially filter blood so they can get rid of waste products like urea and ammonia. When you are dehydrated, your kidneys make your pee as concentrated as possible to keep water in the body. When you are well hydrated, your kidneys let more water leave with the waste. Which is why your pee looks different depending on how hydrated you are (we’ll touch on this again later).

Bringing it back to our topic at hand, your kidneys also regulate the concentration of electrolytes in your blood. When you work out, you sweat (trust me on this one, I’m a fitness expert). When you sweat, you lose fluids and electrolytes – especially sodium and chloride (which is why your sweat tastes salty…stop tasting your sweat you creep). Now, when you’re lacking fluids and electrolytes, your muscles suffer and your performance suffers.

Which is why having your electrolytes in balance is so crucial.

I can see the concern on your face already.

If I’ve lost you, and the idea of performance issues stresses you out, we got you. We created a 1-on-1 private online coaching program to answer questions just like “Do I need to supplement my workout with electrolytes?”

We work with busy people just like you to help establish goals and plans to achieve them. If you have tons of questions or want an accountability partner, we are here for you.

Click below to find out if we are a good fit for each other. We’ll schedule you a free call with a member of Team Nerd Fitness, who would love to talk to you no matter what!

AM I GETTING ENOUGH ELECTROLYTES?

Not only can you lack electrolytes, but you can also have TOO MANY. Electrolytes take on a positive or negative charge when they dissolve in your body fluid. So having too many of some and not enough of another can create problems.

Ugh. Fitness can be complicated.

Here are some signs that things are out of whack:

Dehydration. If you don’t have enough water in your system, your electrolytes will be out of balance. As we mentioned, electrolytes dissolve in water, so if you are dehydrated almost by definition you are lacking electrolytes. Drink up. Again, we’ll talk about pee color as a sign of hydration later.

Diarrhea and constipation. Gross. However, we need to chat about this. Poop is mostly made out of water, so diarrhea and constipation could be a sign of an electrolyte imbalance. Plus, if you get a viral infection and get diarrhea, you can become dehydrated and then… more electrolyte imbalances. If you have problems going #2, see your doctor if this lasts for more than a few days.

Fatigue. A common symptom of an electrolyte disorder is fatigue. If you’re feeling groggy, something might be off with your electrolytes, specifically a lack of magnesium. Many different body processes depend on magnesium, so being deficient can make you feel chronically tired.

Muscle cramp. Has your muscle ever freaked out and felt like it was trying to detach itself from the bone? Almost as if your leg was going to snap in half? That’s a muscle cramp, and likely caused by an electrolyte imbalance or dehydration.

Generally, if your electrolytes are out of balance, it’s because you are deficient. It’s way more common to have too few than too many electrolytes. Which is why proper hydration is so critical.

Now that I’ve convinced you that you are going to die a miserable and terrible death from the lack of electrolytes, let’s chat about Gatorade.

SPORTS DRINKS TO THE RESCUE?

How does Gatorade (or any sports drink–they’re all about the same) work? Sticking to the theme of this article, it comes down to electrolytes. Water will get into your bloodstream faster (and to the right places) when it’s mixed with electrolytes, because water follows electrolytes. Said another way, the absorption of water depends on sodium, an electrolyte. And Gatorade, like Brawndo, has electrolytes.

Gatorade has a good amount of sodium, as well as glucose (sugar). And your small intestines LOVE glucose. The little transporters in your small intestines will pick up that glucose, and in turn pick up the sodium. If they‘re picking up glucose and sodium, they’re also grabbing the H20, and BOOM! You’re getting rehydrated faster. That’s the theory, and there is some evidence in support.[1]

Another benefit of Gatorade is that sodium minimizes urination (Remember osmosis from high school chemistry? Water goes where the salt is). When you’re drinking Gatorade, the liquid will stay in your body longer, giving it more time to get absorbed, which will get you back into balance quicker! So I realize this section reads like an ad for Gatorade. Pay no attention to the bag of money left for me in the corner. All this talk about how great Gatorade is at getting you rehydrated quicker will REALLY only affect you if you’re doing hours and hours of strenuous activity. That report mentioned above was critical on this point. If you’re just working out for 45 minutes, drinking water throughout the workout and afterward will keep you plenty hydrated. You can forgo a sports drink.

However, if you’re running a marathon, Gatorade might be a good idea.

You know what isn’t a good idea? Bourbon. Trust me on this one.

However, I run a fitness site here. So I can’t let this be the final word on Gatorade.

Is Gatorade healthy?

Reality check: Gatorade is essentially sugar water with some electrolytes added. And sugar can make you fat. If you’re looking to burn fat, drinking a 32 oz Gatorade will probably put back all the calories you just burned off during your workout (there are about 200-240 calories in there, most of which is sugar). It comes down to total calories consumed vs. total calories burned every day. To lose body fat, you need to be in a caloric deficit, meaning you need to burn more than you consume. Drinking Gatorade can make this equation more difficult to tip in your favor. So if you are doing moderate exercise, or even strenuous exercise for a shorter (an hour or so) amount of time, water should suffice. If you are running marathons or doing hours of intense work, then replenishing your electrolytes is important. And one way to do that could be Gatorade. Just don’t sit on your couch eating donuts and drinking Gatorade, despite the presence of electrolytes. The sugar will go straight to your gut!

Are you doomed? Do you have to drink sugar water to get enough electrolytes?

OTHER WAYS TO SUPPLEMENT ELECTROLYTES  

All sorts of foods contain electrolytes. Our caveman ancestors didn’t have access to Fierce: Melon. They had to get their electrolytes from food.

This is still a good strategy.

Here are some ideas on how to eat your electrolytes:

Fish. Salmon, sardines, and mackerel all have high concentrations of calcium. A diet high in fish, like the Mediterranean, might be a good idea in this regard.

Fruit. Bananas, as well as oranges and melons, are a good source of potassium. So are avocados, which are also technically in the fruit family.

Nuts and seeds. If you’re looking for food with magnesium, look to nuts and seeds. Almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews, pumpkin and watermelon seeds are all a great source of magnesium.

Spinach. This leafy green is packed full of electrolytes. One cup of spinach contains 839 mg of potassium, 245 mg of calcium, and 157 mg of magnesium. Popeye was on to something.

I’ll also note, that most REAL food (mushrooms, lentils, peas), will have micronutrients like electrolytes. Processed food like a Twinkie? Not so much.

If you eat a diet containing mostly REAL food, you should be fine on electrolytes. We evolved to get our nutrients from the foods we eat. If you want more guidance on what healthy eating means, make sure you check out our Guide on Healthy Eating. We explain what REAL food is, plus give you guidance on how to move your diet in that direction.

It should be noted that if you want to supplement with extra electrolytes, you don’t have to swig Gatorade. There are plenty of electrolytes on the market. Mix some with water after a workout and you’ll be good to go. This, plus lightly salting your food will do the trick.

I’ll end this section by saying that some low-carb diets like Keto can cause you to lose water and electrolytes along with it. We dive in the subject pretty heavily in our guide, but it’s good to keep in mind that if you are going low-carb, you’ll likely need more electrolytes than the average person.

Okay. That about does it. However, I promised we’d get to it.

LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR URINE  

We started this article talking about pee. And like a Quentin Tarantino movie, that’s how we’ll end it. With pee. This joke worked in my head…

Do you have pale yellow pee? You’re right on track.

Bright or dark yellow pee? Make a few more trips to the water cooler.

Mountain Dew colored pee? Your body is severely dehydrated.

Any other color of the rainbow? RUN to the doctor.

-Steve

PS: If you want an accountability partner to answer all your fitness questions, I’ll again remind you of the Nerd Fitness Coaching Program. We can give you feedback on workouts, nutrition, and other lifestyle habits. We can even take a look at the color of your pee to see if you’re dehydrated.[2]

**All photo credits can be found right here[3]**

Footnotes    ( returns to text)

Check out the report from the University of Califonia on sports drinks

I’m 100% joking on this one. Please don’t send any of our coaches pictures of your pee.

Photo Credit: Litter in a field, Gatorade, Sugar, Cold Fruits, Hazmat guy

https://ift.tt/2PDwY7k