#we saw each other like twice a week in quarantine we barely texted but every time we hung out
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SCREEEEEEEEM
#it's hating my weird fucking brain hours#wish my brain could just accept that even the people im close to have different friendship styles#like with someone like my friend caitlin it;s easy#i met caitlin last semester in quarantine and she became a part of my bubble and like#shes a kind of like. i dont wanna stay distant??? friend??? u know??? like she barely texts#we saw each other like twice a week in quarantine we barely texted but every time we hung out#i had a lot of fun!!! we dyed hair and snuck into buildings 2 play wii and played a LOT of cards#and like. with her it is VERY easy to conceptualize that she will never be like. my Best Friend u know?? like#i'll see her infrequently and casually no matter how close we get#so like. with casual friends it's so easy to conceptualize that they won't be friends with mw the way i need my close friends to be#and now this next part is mean n shitty..... sorry 4 the negativity#but its like..... once i put so much love and effort and time into one person i kind of get bitter if its not reciprocated#like. if i put the effort in to learn and memorize the kind of friendship you need it wld b nice if u did at least a little in return???#and YES I KNOW friendship and relationships aren't like transactional at all like i know#but like i. i put so much effort into my friendship with grace. because shes one of the people i would consider a close/best friend#like carolynn is my best friend#but ppl like joce and clary and grace i consider them One Of my best friends u know???#and what sucks is that im sure on her end grace is also putting in effort and it's just. misplaced. u know???#like im sure shes doing the same thing and so it just comes down to like#i can (presumably) give her what she needs from a close friendship#and she Can't give that to me#and i just like. it feels like i can't accept the friendship that she IS giving me like. she wld b great as a casual friend#but we fucking live together lol#like i've spent the last 3 days furious at her#like she feels selfish!!!!!! is what it is!!!!! her actions feel selfish to me even tho im sure theyre not in her eyes#idk. im probly just a pushover lol. like im sure if i set the same boundaries she did we might have a better time#anyway. whatever. im gonna call someone who actually cares abt me (carolynn) and at some point tonight i WILL make the cheesy bread#so.
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