#we saw all the pent up emotions being released in real time when they’d been apart for only three months

[dreaminofu]

On 161 176 päivää, kulunut siitä kun lähdit täältä

I made the mistake of listening to Tarkotin sua by Kuumaa and it hit right into my Bojere feels. If Jere doesn’t visit Slovenia for Bojan’s birthday (✨manifesting✨), it’s going to be exactly 161 days in March since the last time they saw each other

(Credits: X, X, X, X, X, X)

[chimmyrockbison]

MASTERLIST Updated 03/20/2021

COMPLETED AO3 FICS [Kim Taehyung/Park Jimin]

1. The Sound of Your Heart

Summary: There was something so easy about it, it was almost scary. Taehyung didn’t want to feel this way, didn’t want to feel this overwhelming fondness; but not unlike his head, his heart was hard to persuade once it had decided a path. And Taehyung was scared that it had decided on the mute new boy with pretty features and a warm smile.

Words: 144,014

2. All the King's Men

Summary: Castle servants Jimin and Taehyung find themselves involved in a game with the Crown Prince.

Words: 52,531

3. golden haze

Summary: Taehyung watches Jimin’s mouth twist into a pout, forming the word ‘fucking’ with his thick lips before he’s whipping out his translation device again. Taehyung doesn’t have time to stop him when various pornographic images pop up on his holographic screen, Jimin’s eyes widening with intrigue, his mouth falling open at the suggestive images in front of him.

(or: lonely college student taehyung harbors an alien fugitive in his apartment. nothing goes as planned.)

Words: 34,850

4. Drag'on Together (Love Is Its Own Magic)

Summary: “I swear to God, Taehyung if you stop to pick up one more rock because you think it might be some sort of rare stone, I’m leaving you here,” Jimin huffs as he tries to sound intimidating.

“Jiminnie, we both know you wouldn’t survive a minute without me, so stop with the empty threats, okay?” Taehyung replies, happily ignoring his dark-haired friend.

Jimin would argue, he would, if it wasn’t for the fact that Taehyung was right.

or

The time Taehyung and Jimin finds a blue rock and it turns out to be so much more.

Words: 30,554

5. even the weariest river

Summary: It's moments like this that make Taehyung panic. The open derision on each courtier's face, the scorn of his brother as he turns from his prey. The slit of Park Jimin's eyes, just barely open and dark and hateful, as Taehyung swallows and squares his shoulders and says—

"I want to claim him."

The tides of war change, and sweep Taehyung and Jimin along with them.

Words: 152,979

6. i fell in love with the pizza delivery guy (and then i blew him in the bathroom)

Summary: Send your best delivery guy. Preferably cute, preferably packing.

“You're the one who ordered me,” Taehyung says. Not exactly a question; more of a statement.

“Well, I ordered pizza; you just happen to be a delightful bonus,” Jimin clarifies, lips drawn up in a smirk that sets Taehuyung’s blood on fire in a most delectable way. “Although, had I known a pretty face like yours was working there...maybe I would have been more specific with my instructions. At least I know for next time.”

(or, Jimin orders pizza and a little something extra, and Taehyung delivers without really knowing what he's signing up for)

Words: 18,438

7. Grand Jeté

Summary: Refusing to spend another night alone, Taehyung surprises his perfectionist of a boyfriend Jimin at his dance studio with the intent of dragging him home. But their pent-up emotions from spending time apart has the visit ending with a lot of kissing and a little experimenting.

Words: 8,200

8. Already Midnight

Summary: On New Year's Eve, Taehyung is drunk. So drunk that he doesn't recognize Jimin as his boyfriend. When Jimin kisses him at midnight, Taehyung threatens to call his man- aka Jimin.

Words: 3,951

9. Worth The Risk

Summary: The rules are simple: no kissing on the lips, no petnames, no cuddling after sex, no sleepovers, no labels, and no catching feelings.

It should be simple. In fact, it would be simple, if it weren’t for one tiny thing...Taehyung is pretty sure he’s in love with Jimin. And that’s absolutely against the rules.

Words: 23,645

10. Common Ground

Summary: Taehyung is rich, a little bit bratty, a lot a bit spoiled, and failing calculus. Jimin works full time, tutors, and is a straight-A student. There's a rulebook somewhere that states very clearly that people like Jimin should never associate with people like Taehyung. But rules are meant to be broken. And opposites always, always attract.

Words: 44,136

11. This is not a dream

Summary: He would think they were ships in the night if not for the fact that every night, Jimin lays his head in Taehyung’s lap and Taehyung runs fingers without nerve endings through his hair. If they didn't have this false, teasing closeness long enough to learn every detail of each other's lives, long enough that Jimin is the person Taehyung spends the most time with by a mile.

(Jimin leaves. Two months later, he falls in love with Taehyung.)

Words: 12,370

12. Shooting Stars and Silver Moons

Summary: Yoongi and Jimin make a bet, Taehyung makes bad decisions.

(Or: "I'm kind of pissed you didn't choose me to fake date, I'm your best friend")

Words: 20,206

13. the whole world is blue

Summary: Taehyung is not going to confess. That kind of thing never ends well. The movies are wrong. It doesn't always turn out to be mutual. Real life isn't so romantic like that.

Words: 10,829

14. Swipe Right

Summary: As a best friend, Jimin will do anything for Taehyung. This includes being his fake boyfriend to ward off the unwanted attention Taehyung is receiving after using a dating app and agreeing to meet someone.

Words: 26,085

15. Define Me in Terms of You

Summary: This is either Taehyung's greatest idea, or his worst.

“So, let me get this straight. You want me to teach you how to play guitar, join a fake band and enter a competition just so that you can impress a guy you like?"

Words: 9,808

16. i just adore you asking for more

Summary: Taehyung is a successful model looking for a discreet release. Jimin is a professional dom who won’t judge his browsing history.

Words: 90,201

17. Sirius

Summary: "Dude, our entire relationship could be an Ed Sheeran album."

Words: 16,955

18. it's your heart i wanna live (& sleep) in

Summary: The first time Jimin sleeps over at Taehyung's, it's an emergency. The other times after? That's a different story.

Words: 22,658

19. kissing up on fences (and up on walls, i don't want to fall)

Summary: They’ve always been close, Taehyung and Jimin. Where one went, it would be rare to see them without the other. This is a fact Namjoon knows better than most, having coexisted with them in close quarters for such a long time.

Namjoon had not, however, for all his proclaimed wisdom and prudence, had the foresight to see that they’d become this close.

(or: the five times the other members thought they were dating, and the one time jimin starts to wonder if they really are)

Words: 8,738

20. The Usual

Summary: Alternatively titled: The Regular

Jimin will date anyone, except for boys who serve coffee.

Words: 27,935

21. i'm so sorry but it's fake love (tbh, not really)

Summary: when chaebol/commitment anti-fan park jimin learns he's being married off, he does the smartest thing in the world: hire a fake boyfriend he found on the internet (aka Craigslist's personal ads)

all he needs is just three months with said fake boyfriend to convince his parents to leave him alone. after that, he'll get back to his regular programming.

except, not really.

Words: 209,565

22. Gravity//Oxygen

Summary: He already lost his parents.

He'll be damned if he loses Jimin's smile too.

We stay together.

Always.

Taehyung is out for revenge. And he'll do anything to get it.

Words: 180,321

23. A Screenshot of Youth

Summary: There’s a sharp intake of breath, Taehyung’s grip tightening over Jimin’s with a gentle squeeze. “Jimin,” his voice is serious, and Jimin watches him, strangely endeared. “Let’s be friends.”

And it’s like this, that they begin as friends in the heat of a sweltering summer, twelve years old and too young to think much of it, hands twined together under the blanket of a setting sun.

(In which Jimin and Taehyung grow up together.)

Words: 18,496

24. i'll take the desert, you take the coast

Summary: “Everyone I know is a candlestick nearing its demise. They’re afraid of bringing meaning into their lives, of cultivating that glow. But you, prince Park Jimin, you are different. You glow with the passion of more than a thousand suns.”

Words: 30,973

25. just to get a taste

Summary: The one where Jeongguk dares Jimin and Taehyung to kiss and it unravels a lot of feelings. But mostly more kisses.

Or the one where Jimin's heart is stupid and Jimin's best friend is actually irresistible. Who'd've thunk, huh?

Words: 24,375

26. tell them it's the end

Summary: Five months after Taehyung suddenly walked out on him, Jimin finds out that Taehyung has yet to inform his family, who absolutely loved Jimin, about their split.

Jimin tries to swallow his feelings as he once again “dates” Taehyung.

Words: 13,802

27. stay with you

Summary: Taehyung wondered why he always see this blonde man, getting wasted every night. Its such a shame seeing his pretty face wasting every single night of his life in this bar.

Until he saw his eyes, and he understood why.

(Or Jimin is broken and he wanted his happiness back.)

Words: 12,875

28. ring the changes

Summary: That's the nature of one-sided confessions. Things change.

Words: 45,248

29. summer, winter, spring (i'm falling for you)

Summary: The school starts to take notice of Jimin.

Taehyung has always noticed.

Words: 41,786

30. Make Me-al

Summary: In which Jimin starts to work at Jin's restaurant and there he meets Taehyung, the new rookie waiter that kinda gets him off his nerves (the feeling is mutual). Yet, the tension between them is hotter than the ovens from the kitchen...

Words: 26,886

31. such stuff as dreams are made on

Summary: "sir no one, may i have this dance?"

or: kim taehyung, a kitchen boy, sneaks into a royal masquerade. park jimin is the prince he never expected.

Words: 38,753

[angeli-marco-writes]

Bill and Fleur - Our Spot

A/N - I do not own these characters, this is a work of fiction. Fleur is an absolute darling and I absolutely adore her. Please enjoy this cuteness despite the awful writing from my wattpad. It was fun to write in my two best languages as well, even if the French is just in bits.

Warnings - mentions of other character death, fluff, bad English and French for 1.6k words. 

Summary - After the final task, Fleur finds herself in despair, and goes to the only spot she can think of to unwind, not expecting to be approached by a handsome stranger.

AFTER CEDRIC'S DEATH and the events of the maze, Fleur could be found in a hidden corner of the Hogwarts grounds that she'd discovered in her time there. She didn't realise anyone else went over there, until she heard footsteps. She didn't really want to be found, she was heartbroken and kind of traumatised. Inside that maze she'd encountered terrors that she never thought could be real.

She looked up, still wearing her blue velvet tracksuit in the faint moonlight mingling with remaining sunlight, and was met with the strikingly handsome ginger gentleman that she'd marvelled at in the stands, and in the relatives room much earlier on.

"Fleur is it? Are you ok?" he asked softly, going up to her and crouching next to her sitting figure. She wiped her eyes instinctively of mascara mingled tear tracks, even though they'd been dry for a while and met his eyes, nodding.

"Yes, I am ok merci. Cedric dying just upset me. Sorry, my Eenglish is not good. Comment t'appelle tu?" She spoke gently, seeing the man sit down next to her in the grass.

"Je m'appelle Bill. Nice to properly meet you." He held her hand gently and kissed it gently, making her chuckle a little but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "I don't speak much French, but I speak enough to get me through a conversation. and your English isn't too bad." He winked, causing her to smile again.

"I'm so sorry zat you found me here. I'm a mess, covered een mud!" She insisted, pointing to the patches of tried mud and blood stains all over her pale tracksuit, but Bill kept his grip on her hand firmly, so she let it happen, intertwining her fingers with his.

"You're beautiful you know?" He murmured after a moment of silence, making her flush a little despite constantly receiving compliments on her looks. She was startled also at how forward he was, and she felt special, like he really saw her. "I know you're part Veela, I can tell, and my brother said so... but it's not just that. You're beautiful even when you're dishevelled and muddy." He chuckled. "And you were so brave to take on that tournament. as soon as I saw you in the chamber and I saw your eyes, and then I saw you outside the maze and I was rooting for you despite Harry basically being my brother." he continued and she laughed a little.

"You should not 'ave looked at me before ze maze. Your handsomeness distracted me." a coy smirk began playing on her lips. She moved her spare hand up to brush some stray red hair off his face and tuck it behind his pierced ear.

She couldn't help but revel in him, despite her own good looks. He was tall and muscular, freckled with piercing blue eyes and a warm smile. He had quite long fiery red hair which was tied at the base of his neck in a little pony tail which suited him, as well as the fang dangling from his ear. Fleur had never felt this way about anyone before, she'd never been nervous around a guy due to her Veela heritage, but that didn't matter here. Despite only knowing him a short time, she felt that Bill could see who she really was beyond her billowing silvery blonde hair, perfect good looks and terrifying anger.

"You wanna talk about any of it? I don't have to get home for a bit, I was just visiting Harry in the hospital wing with mum, and before you ask, he's fine." He said, seeing the sorrow in her eyes, and she nodded. Bill sat down on the ground and pulled her velvet covered legs into his lap, allowing her to be comfortable.

"I feel like I failed me and my school in zis tournament. I did not complete ze second task in le... le lac. Ron et Harry saved ma Gabrielle. Et I messed up in ze maze, bringing shame on Beauxbatons et Madame Maxime. C'est mon année finalement, I wanted time to do somesing special and I failed. And Cedric-" She paused, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "We were friends, ze four of us. Because of this task. And now 'e is gone. I'm so sad he's been killed." 

A lump began forming at the back of her throat and all her pent up emotions from the past year were being released. Bill could somehow tell that she'd be shunned if she showed this emotion to her classmates or headmistress, so he let her cry it all out, wrapping a reassuring arm around her.

"Fleur, you didn't fail your school. You performed admirably in this tournament. It's designed to test you and put you out of your depths ok? Quite literally in that second task, and no one blames you. You were an admirable champion and you've brought glory to your school in your final year, that's nothing to be ashamed of. And Cedric. I know you were friends, Harry wrote to me. Cedric lived in the same village as my family, I saw him growing up; the same year as my brother-" He began, but was cut off by a confused expression from Fleur.

"Your brother eez en Harry's year, non?" She asked with a bemused face, perfectly illuminated in the moonlight, and he laughed, having to gather himself before continuing. He held her legs closer to him, absently drawing shapes on her joggers, but she didn't mind.

"I have five brothers and a sister," He said, and her jaw dropped in response. "There's me, I'm 24, Charlie's 22, Percy's 18, Fred and George are in 6th year here so they're 17, Ron is in Harry's year so 15 now, and Ginny my sister is a year below Ron, she's 13."

Even after he finished, Fleur still looked astonished.  She was admittedly a little awestruck, and it took her a while to speak, to find the words. Bill couldn't care less, he could sit with this beautiful young woman in his old spot under the stars forever.

"You 'ave a grande famille!" She said and he chuckled to himself, their oceans of eyes connecting and forming a bond. "It's just me and ma soeur Gabrielle, she eez almost ten." Her heart seemed to glow as well as her cheeks when thinking of her sister, and Bill could instantly tell they were close.

"Family's amazing isn't it? I want a family of my own one day, just maybe not with seven kids..." he said playfully, and her tears subsided, leaving her able to just enjoy his presence.

"It's ok that you're sad about Cedric, you know, a lot of people are, and you'll be able to go to his funeral. But the ones that love us never really leave us do they?" She nodded, a smile meeting her eyes this time. "There's that gorgeous smile. I know I only saw it at the start of the task and I've only known you, what a day? Properly, less than an hour, but your smile is wonderful." He marvels at her perfect pearly white teeth and her dusty pink lips. 

He didn't mind that she was donning a dirt covered tracksuit with mud and blood on her face, he didn't mind that her hair was messy and held together by a breaking hair bobble, he didn't mind that they didn't speak the same language or that she'd just cried to him. Bill just enjoyed her company and honestly never wanted their meeting to end.

"So, when school ends, what are you gonna do?" He inquired, breaking the silence and pulling Fleur in closer to him, she happily agreed and nuzzled her head in his neck.

"I'm working at Gringotts 'opefully, maybe just in a shop, to make my Eenglish better. Just for ze summer." She smiled before asking him a variation of the same question and seeing his eyes light up.

"I'm a curse breaker for Gringotts!" He grinned, and she joined him, her cheeks beginning to ache. "I was working in Egypt, but now things are getting bad here, I'm gonna work at the main building in England. Guess I'll be seeing you at work then." He teased and nudged her lovingly which she thought was more than amiable.

"You will 'ave to 'elp me," she gazed up at him with wide eyes and he nodded almost immediately in agreement.

"Anytime..." he murmured, their faces getting closer until their lips were inches from one another. "We shouldn't do this. we'll be working together and I'm years older than you." 

He tried to reason his desire, but couldn't even convince himself as their lips met in a lustful kiss. Their lips moved in unison, understanding one another, and they didn't dare let go until they couldn't breathe.

"Madame Maxime will want me at ze carriage now. Eet was nice to meet you, Bill Weasley." She blushed as she stood up and scrambled away, the moonlight reflecting off her hair, but Bill hurried after her and caught her wrist.

"Here." He said, slipping a hair bobble on her wrist. "Yours is about to break, and I know how often they go missing. A token to remember me by, until I see you next month of course." He flushed himself, his cheeks matching his hair, as she stood on her tiptoes to plant a kiss to his cheek.

"Fleur Isabelle Delacour. I come to England on ze 10th of July."

And with that, she ran off into the starry distance, he could see her small frame turn into a faint shadow as he smiled to himself. Maybe it wasn't so bad that someone found his old spot, maybe it was their spot now.

[emeraldtawny]

Why I Love The 7 of Hearts

...I said I would do it. And now that it has officially been one month since his route release, the official banner for spoilers is now lifted! That being said, I’ll put a disclaimer now: I will be talking about key aspects and spoilers from Kyle’s route. Be warned.

Alright, now onto my thesis. Title: Why Kyle Ash Is My Favourite Otome Husband To Date - An Incredibly Biased Review, by Tawny ^w^

Part 1: Before his route

Before we talk about the actual route itself, let me explain to you guys why this man already had my heart before even getting to date him. I’ll be honest; when the game first came out, he was already in my top 3 but he was not the best boi (that went to Fenrir and stayed like that for a bit). That is, until I played through Lancelot’s route. Being able to get more interactions with Kyle gave me more insight into the kind of person he is, and I honestly liked what I saw. He condemned Lancelot for throwing his life away needlessly without concern for his safety (important note to come back to) and made it clear that his affiliation with the Red Army didn’t mean anything when there are lives on the line (another impotant point to revisit). I honestly respected that about him and sure enough, he snuck his way into top spot and has stayed there since. And if I’m being real, his route has completely solidified that. He ain’t moving. Ever.

Personal Rambling #1

Okay, now comes the fun part hehehe >:3

With the question “did you enjoy Kyle’s route?”, is there an option for “everything” and also “yes yes yes, holy shit yes”? Because, Kyle’s route is a big fat YES out of 10 for me, and I say that as unbiasedly as possible. I noticed that there didn’t seem to be any dev notes released before Kyle’s route dropped (my poor boi getting shafted :c), so allow me to give you my own variation:

Kyle

Recommended if you like: Yukimura (brusque yet sweet, kind of an idiot but means well) and Mitsunari (oblivious genius)

Sexy…7

Drama…7

Romance…9

Dev Notes: For a man so smart, he’s awfully clueless when it comes to you. This weirdly approachable doctor may lack tact, but that doesn’t stop the blood pressures rising and the hearts racing - both yours and his. Get ready for an angst road bump at part 20 (as well as his Dramatic Ending), but rest assured that the doctor is here to see you now.

When I say he’s a combo of Yuki and Mitsunari, I’m not kidding. He’s basically Yuki without the full-on tsun tendencies (he has a few, but you could call it more embarrassment and awkwardness compared to being a tsundere) and then a touch of Mitsunari’s infuriating obliviousness and bam, you got Kyle!

I won’t give a synopsis of the route, since you’ve all likely read it or know most of the story (why on earth are you reading this far in otherwise?) so allow me to share with you, my personal favourite chapters/parts of his route!

Chapter 7 - the first (and definitely not last) instance of a blushing Kyle in his natural habitat. Bonus for glasses uwu

Chapter 14 - the introduction of Goo, the new best pet in Cradle (sorry Chutney). Legit, I recorded that entire section where Kyle and MC are naming Goo and I was just squeeing like a deranged lunatic because I loved it so much like bdjxbgdkfnxfkd

Chapter 24 (His POV) - DRUNK KYLE POV. Of course, he’s still cognitive to have proper thoughts, it wasn’t Masamune levels of drunkenness. But...jealous Kyle. That right there is a rarity but WOW, it’s a treat ;3

Towards the end of the route when MC finds Kyle’s confession written on his freaking hand (Kyle you doof) and just...him burying his amused smile into the crook of his elbow when she says she likes someone…..HNNNNNGGGGGGG yes

Part 2: Character Development

This man has such strong convictions to his profession that it’s honestly admirable. He may only have one pillar to stand on, but that pillar is strong and immovable. I’m of course talking about this line: “I absolutely despise people who are ready to throw away their lives”. Sound familiar at all? Remind you of...a certain Red King? Honestly though, this commitment to his work as a doctor when he seems to do nothing else except drink himself into a stupor most nights (if not every night) is awe-inspiring, and I’m not the only one who thinks so.

The MC in Kyle’s route is my new favourite. I love how the romance she develops for Kyle starts off as simple admiration, just her wanting to follow in his footsteps and prove useful to people without provoking the war occurring around her. She’s grounded and has a clear purpose, which is refreshing compared to other iterations of her being more meek and more better categorised as a “damsel in distress”. Don’t get me wrong, I”m not criticising those types of MCs. It’s just nice to see a driven MC with a clear goal and a motive for why she wants to do the things she does, enough for her to stay longer than the allotted month (something NONE OF THE OTHER ROUTES DO, HELL YEAH KYLE!). She actively chose to stay in Cradle - even when her ticket home was right in front of her - because she wanted to help Kyle save lives. It’s refreshing. And it makes for some great interactions between her and Kyle, especially later in the route when they’re more comfortable with each other. Which leads me onto my next point…

It felt like a real relationship. The slow growth and blooming of feelings, the cute interactions they’d share (every time Kyle stroked her hair or bopped her on the head, my heart exploded into confetti), and how awkward they both were with each other. God, if you guys could have seen me reading his route with my dumb dopey grin and squeaking like a lovesick children’s toy every 10 seconds...I was a mess gielkdsnglkd.

I love how they let us see into Kyle’s world. It may be a simple outlook on life, but you can’t fault the man. His strong conviction to save as many lives as he can because he feels it’s what he was made to do, and his importance on smiling and presenting a calm, friendly image of himself as he treats his patients (remember the line “People are like mirrors.”. It’s important.). He’s a very “my pace” kind of person, and it was fun to just kind of...relax a bit. Sure, war preparations were happening but wait one moment, please. I need to educate Jonah on what is needed for a balanced nutritious breakfast. It was refreshing to see a route that was surprisingly chill for most of it until the ending crescendo, and I welcomed it.

Alright….angst time. All of the little hints we were getting, like his role of the 7 of Hearts not being “set in stone”, had me squinting at the screen like “boi, what you hiding?”. When we got to drinking with Kyle, Oliver and Blanc and the conversation of Kyle having a brother came up, I was like “....oh. This is gonna be baaad.”. And this wasn’t even including Colin (because when a character gets named, you know they’re important.). But…..Chapter 20. It actually came out of left field, sucker-punched me in the kidney, cracked my heart and left me crying as I’m just reading this whole thing unfolding. Colin’s heartbroken cries, Kyle’s unmoving unresponsive form as he lets Colin punch him, the symbolism and connection of both Kyle and Colin having lost an older brother because of the war. I’m….. ;~; aaaaaa. And then in the Avatar Challenge following the angst, MC throws the “people are like mirrors” line back at him to get him to break down a bit, to let some emotion out, and I was just a blubbering mess at this point. The route is generous enough to give you a floof and mild spice break, but then if you choose the Dramatic Ending…..you…..you visit...his brother’s grave...and the waterworks begin again.

Continuing on from the point above, this means Kyle also has connections with The Day That Went Dark, along with Fenrir and more importantly, Ray. From the way it was described in Kyle’s route, he himself doesn’t know for certain if Ray used magic or not. He only knows that Ray was there when shit went down. So even after his brother passed from the tragedy, Kyle held no animosity or desire for revenge against Ray; very fitting for his character. This route made me realise just how similar Kyle and Ray are: they’re both very determined in their ways to keep the peace and they both hold strong to their views of freedom and honesty (Ray and Kyle respectively). And you can tell that Kyle doesn’t hold it against Ray for whatever happened on The Day That Went Dark.

I would honestly love to see a scenario of the two of them sitting down together in a room and just awkwardly yet honestly expressing all of their pent-up emotions about that whole ordeal (angst writers, if you’re reading this...only if you want to ofc ^w^).

Personal Rambling #2: Gushing Edition

So those were my structured notes, but now let me indulge you on my messy bullet points that I made throughout reading his route. A lot of these are pointless to character building and things I just thought were cute and needed attention drawn to sooo….ye ^w^

Like the rest of the Red Army, Kyle was born into a family that carries the mantle of 7 of hearts. All of them doctors.

Cute theme of beds??? (his bday story and them sleeping in the same room)

“When he wasn’t talking, he’s actually quite attractive.” (wow, r00d)

His palm notes are work and other things related (and he doesn’t always remember why he wrote it down bgrkdgn)

Not a sweet tooth (dammit Kyle, that’s your only downfall :c)

Easily embarrassed despite his earnest and straightforward mannerisms

Doesn’t dote on MC and teaches her what he can

His importance on smiling and presenting a calm, friendly image of himself as he treats his patients (“People are like mirrors.” - ch 8)

Head pats. Lots of head pats

Awkward sweet love (kill me it’s too adorable)

Edgar’s silent envy yet sweet support of their romance (this boi istg…)

Super proactive MC (she’s my new fave, seriously I love her)

Lots of touching (head pats, forehead bonks), he doesn’t know what personal space is (and I love it)

His pig is the cutest thing in the entire world, I need 20

Really good with kids…...yes.

“I absolutely despise people who are ready to throw away their lives” (incredibly strong convictions - doesn’t have many, but the ones he does have he is incredibly dedicated to)

Stays longer than the allotted month (FUCK YES)

His brother’s death strengthened his convictions to be able to handle being an army doctor (direct and honest, no bs about sacrificing your life etc etc)

The “People are like mirrors” line is tearing my fucking heart apart (makes sense in chapter 20 avatar challenge)

The angst…..his brother...and Colin….I’m rdfkgndkjfnxclk ;-;

His realisation of love….and his confession….lord, IM DROWNING IN UWUS

Saving Amon despite him murdering many innocent people, a big decision that could have changed the tide for the future, but he stuck with his beliefs

MC’s insistence that Kyle doesn’t like her that way, and Kyle’s inability to realise it’s love (help me it’s so fucking cute I’m dying)

Whether intentional or not, he’s good at diverting the attention away from him when he wants it off him (maybe MC just assumes he’s an idiot?? lmao)

So his glasses are for sentimental reasons (but does he need them???) and his alcohol drinking habits are from his father (not a coping mechanism)

Incredibly kind...but not good at showing it (helping MC distract herself by giving her work(?))

MC’s obsession with Kyle’s eyes and collarbone (same sis, SAME) and Kyle’s obsession with her hair (fsekfbksfnjweksdgn kd,nAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Conclusion

Overall, Kyle’s route is very solid. It may not add much to the overarching lore of Cradle (aside from another victim in The Day That Went Dark), but the route was still adorable, enjoyable and incredibly sweet. I had no moments where I felt bored throughout his route (then again, that’s likely the bias talking) and the balance between cute floof, tear-jerking angst and then hot hot spice (that he FULLY deserves, mind you) came together into a wonderful experience that left my heart full and sad when it all ended.

My final message to you all: Kyle Ash is the sweetest, most adorkable nerd that has ever graced my presence and I hope that even a tiny portion of my love for him rubs off on you, just so you can see how amazing this boi is. Thank you for your time and for listening to my ramblings gesgnsk ^^;;

Bonus: my two favourite screenshots from his route

[hxlsteads]

Dear Diary | Varchie

Pairing: Veronica Lodge x Archie Andrews

Summary: Set in S3/Post suspected Veronica & Reggie romance. After a long trial and an extended stay locked away, Archie returns home only to find the message he passed on for a broken-hearted girl, had more of an impact on him than he could’ve ever imagined. But what will it take for forgiveness? A bit of Angst with a side of Fluff. (New to writing varchie fanfiction so it may no be the best).

Prompts: #35, 59 and 93 - “When I first saw you, I knew you were the one”, “I never wanted to hurt you”, and “Sorry for ruining your shirt.”

Read on fanfiction.net or archiveofourown

I miss you. Even after replaying those words over and over in my head, my heart still longs for you Archibald Andrews and I don’t think it’s ever going to stop. People can call it a romance but the only romance I’ve ever truly felt was with you. The word rebound couldn’t even describe what he was because he was nothing. A drunken mistake that old Veronica would’ve brushed aside as though it were nothing. But it isn’t nothing. It’s a mistake that I regret and you don’t deserve it. Your words hurt me Archie and I guess when you’re away it’s like I go back to my old ways like nothing ever changed, but you changed me so I guess I should really apologize to myself for putting myself in a position where I shouldn’t expect you to forgive me...

Those were the very words etched onto the tattered pages within the book clasped tightly against Veronica Lodge’s chest as she approached to door that she knew all too familiarly now. The single words she hand-wrote as tears cascaded down her face with each passing moment, blemishing the ink of previous words until they were almost unreadable. Yet only she wishes this correlated to real life. So her tears can turn her mistakes into a piece of art- I mean, after all, blocking all this out and going back to when it never happened would be a masterpiece in its own right.

But it’s never that simple; she can’t just cover the way she’s hurting behind her smudged mascara. He’s back and she’s now having to deal with the mess she created, the actions she couldn’t take back. She only hoped that her words could somehow account for them. Even in the slightest form.

The fingers of her left hand grew tighter around the only physical depiction of the dark depths of her mind as she tapped lightly against the cold wood, feeling a mixture of the harsh Riverdale winter and a harsh rush of sudden regret beneath the surface of her skin. She no longer felt human, sure she felt the cold, sure she felt pain still- but she felt nothing for herself. To her brain she was nothing more than a glass figure, she can look fine on the outside, disguise herself as this beautiful person yet on the inside she was just hollow. She felt empty within her own thoughts but as the creak of the door pierces the wallowing pity and a brush of warm air tickles her exposed shins she’s forced to look up. Look him in the eyes for the first time in nearing forty days. Not that she’s been counting.

Archie Andrews. The guy who changed the as quoted ‘shallow, toxic rich bitch’ into ‘the best girlfriend’. ‘If only he could take back that given award now’ She thought to herself... He still looked the same. The orange tone to his hair illuminated under the warm light Veronica already knew was from his fireplace, his chocolate gaze that still melted her at the core and that stupid green long sleeve that she’d begged him endlessly to get rid of. Then again as she came to think more about it, the more she realized she missed it. Or more so that she missed him. She missed the way his awkward smile laced his features every time they’d kissed, she missed the frequent use of the name ‘Ronnie’ which only ever sounded good leaving his lips- truthfully; she missed feeling this captivated by a person. But I guess this caught up with her. Seconds passed and not a word was said. Not out of the thousands she’d written since arriving in Riverdale.

“Veronica...” 

There it was. The first sound that escaped either of their lips and it had to be that. Her full name; diminished from the nickname she’d grown to adore. But what more can she expect? “Wh- what” Glancing down towards the object Veronica had within her palms, he spoke again. Softly, but with that underlying gruffness to his voice indicating he’d not long woken up. 

“You’re either about to ask what I’m doing here or what I’m holding and I’m not sure I know a good answer to either,” Veronica mutters watching as Archie’s face contorts as he tries to find the right words to say next. Who would’ve guessed it would come to this? A simply flowing conversation being lost in a sea of unexplained moments and unanswered questions.

“Both.” he breathes a quick response, following his gaze back up to meet her eyes once more.

She huffed, releasing the pent-up pressure of the book against her chest as she outstretches her arm towards him. Archie’s body shifted awkwardly as her fingers swept unintentionally against his chest as he motioned to take the object for his own and she couldn’t help but notice. “It’s a diary. My diary. Four hundred and eighty-four days worth.”

He swallows hard, flicking through the pages nonchalantly with a slight hesitation leaving Veronica on edge. She just needed him to say something-anything and she held her breath for what felt like an eternity before he did murmur the slightest, “Ronnie...”

It wasn’t much but sure she’d take it. She’d take hearing that word any day as long as it came from him and only him. Her knight in shining armor; her broad shoulder to cry on. Yet it would never come without consequence; usually much nicer than the onslaught of tears that she was trying so hard to battle but whatever.

“Ron,” he heaved again, anticipation hitting Veronica like a ten tonne of bricks as she awaited for the first step into probably one of the deepest conversation she was ever going to have. “I don’t understand.”

Veronica immediately goes to speak yet cannot find the words, frozen in time and she couldn’t even break the ice to close her mouth and regather her thought. She just had to go for it. Take the dive straight into the murky depths. “I-” she begins, “I’ve been writing ever since I moved here. Every day until I ran out of pages but no-one knew because truthfully I was afraid Archie. Not of what people would think but because every single page I poured my heart out to you.”

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he says, pressing his palms to his eyes. “Veronica,” He stutters with every syllable and Veronica swears she’d never seen him look this vulnerable. But then again it was a rare occasion Archie ever shared his true emotions.

“I was so scared of getting my heart broken. Like all the times before. But they meant nothing compared to the boy in this book. And after your dad came to me and told me we were done and you didn’t want me to visit anymore I thought I could just toss everything like I did before but I just can’t. Not with you.” Veronica explains as she stares at his evidently tense muscles. Ones that she could see so clearly now even through the thick cotton of his shirt. That had so much as doubled in size since his incarceration.

“It’s my fault V--” 

“It’s just not! I spent so long running from the way you made me feel that I never got to say half the things I have written in that stupid journal. And now I know it doesn’t matter anymore after everything that’s happened but I needed you to know.” Veronica stammers out; not even knowing half the pleads rolling off her tongue. She just couldn’t hold it in anymore... As much as she tried to; she wanted to she just couldn’t uphold that strong front she’d so effortlessly put up during her early days in the town. Pearl-like pendants cascaded one by one down the apples of her cheeks, not an inch of the strength she could muster up in the morning in sight. At this point, Veronica Lodge couldn’t care less about the reputation of her family name she was to uphold. She never did care around Archie. But she cared even less now knowing full well she had not a lot left to lose.

Dragging her thumbs underneath her eyes, puffy not from the sudden wetness that drowned the area but the sleepless nights that accompanied every evening since her world broke; she took one last breath of air. One last thing to say Veronica just while you’re here, she schooled herself before releasing her jaw once again and releasing more and more salty tears with the action, “I never stopped missing you, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. And I’m sorry.”

After finishing her words she promptly turned around, wandering off back into the dark street, the only light being from the flickering street lam a mere yard away. She just couldn’t bear to face him any longer, to be there for the onslaught of words thrown her direction, all things defending her when she was so certain she was in the wrong. Archie was clearly cooking u something as he stood stoic, just staring and nothing more. Like his body was cast in stone that you couldn’t batter through; much like the established wall he puts up ninety percent of the time.

As she steps weakly further into the fog, fearing the trembling of her knees will collapse her heeled feet she hears her name. A beacon of hope in the form of a whisper. At first, as strange as it sounds she wasn’t quite sure if it was real life or all inside her head. Sure Veronica knew it was his voice, she could spot it from ten miles away but Archie grew to be the angel on her shoulder. The voice in her head persuading her to always make the right decisions. To be a better person...

“Veronica.” Archie called out after her but the lack of a change of direction either meant she didn’t hear him or she didn’t want to. But either way, he wasn’t going to allow her to just walk away. Not with the only words he’s been managing to say in return being her name with the occasional extra syllable scattered here and there. “Wait-” He calls louder, knowing for sure both she and all of his neighbors would’ve heard him. The cool air brushes against his skin and a lump forms at the back of his throat, hitching any future words as he makes his first physical contact with her in months. Sure he’d seen her, but the hand laced over one another separated by unbreakable glass didn’t quite amount to the immediate sparks felt each and every time their skin came into contact. Even only by, clutching his hand around her arm and tugging her slightly to come face to face there was no denying it. The undetermined; unexplainable connection her has with this girl. “I’m sorry. What happened- the fact you kissed Reggie; it’s fine.”

“It’s not.” She whimpers. “You can’t say that. I kissed that misogynistic pig, one of your best friends and arch-rivals. It can’t be fine Archie!”

“Well tough; because I forgive you Ronnie.”

“Why.” Veronica bawls, her tears now transforming more to resemble a waterfall than the light condensation found on every window pane in a crisp Riverdale October.

Archie gazes at her- strands of her hair that fell perfectly from that middle parting of hers and framed her face becoming waterlogged by her tears. So he does it; bites the bullet and runs his fingers against the softness of her cheeks, clearing away excess dampness as he does so. “Because I love you, Veronica Cecilia Lodge. And because from the moment when I first saw you, I knew you were the one, and because your eyebrow is adorably kinking because you’re trying your hardest not to smile right now. And most of all, because the biggest mistake I think I’ve ever made was breaking things off with you.” He begins, rubbing small circles on her face; an embrace worth a lifetime of hurt.

“I love you too. Archibald Andrews.” She lets out a shaky breath mid hysterics, before lunging herself into his chest, letting her tears soak the fabric gowning his shoulders. God how long she’d wanted to do this. To take a single moment to breathe in that scent, the same one that had been fading on that one bulldog's shirt she slept with nightly. To hold the boy in the locket that had saved her more times than she can relay. Too deep in her thoughts, she runs her fingers hastily up his chest, the bumps of his chiseled chest making it hard for her to conceal a blush as she wraps her palm around the small silver treasure tied around her neck. Replacing her father’s pearls...

But little did she need that anymore. She had everything she wanted; everything she needed. She found in her darkness that she didn’t need her fathers love to survive; but she needed the guidance of her greatest love story to show her the way. That’s how she was to survive.

Knowing truly it was Archie and Veronica against the world...

A/N - So it’s done. This wasn’t the original ending but I just could not get it to sound great or word it correctly so I may or may not do an alternate ending somewhen soon. But here you go! My first Varchie fic. I love these babies endlessly and can only hope this did them the slightest bit of justice! Anyways thank you for reading and let me know what you think! x x 

[nny11writes]

Padme Says No- 3

<-Previous

Anakin’s face was on fire. It burned with anger and shame while the cool night air whipped around him as he flew around Coruscant’s evening traffic. The tears were just from the stinging wind. Just the wind, he reminded himself forcing the durasteel wall back down in his mind. He couldn’t think about it anymore. He just couldn’t. Obi-Wan’s face floated across his mind, both sad and hard as he’d rested a hand on Anakin’s shoulder to remind him ‘mind his feelings’.

Anakin screamed, leaning low and aggressive over the handlebars of the speeder. For a split second he felt lighter, better. It all crashed back down again as he looked up at 500 Republica, and behind it saw the Senate Dome.

Anakin had never hated the Chancellor before, but this had nearly done it. But...but the Chancellor had been lied to and Tarkin had been tricked. They’d all been tricked by that traitor. He burned at the thought. He should have listened to Ahsoka. He should have gone with her. Anakin couldn’t stop wondering what would have happened if he’d just listened to her. He couldn’t stop wondering what would have happened if he hadn’t caught Offee.

It didn’t matter, he reminded himself, Ahsoka was still gone. He couldn’t save her. The wall came down.

The orange glow of the planet smeared and streaked past him, and Anakin startled as the speeder landed with a soft thump. He gasped for air, panting and shaking for a moment before swinging his leg over the seat to dismount. Padme would fix this, she would stop all of this pain. She always did. Despite being on the landing pad of his own home, Anakin felt like he was lightyears away. Like he hadn’t seen her in years. He roughly palmed the door open and all but stumbled into the living room.

“Angel?” He called out, rooted to the spot and shaking apart. He begged silently for her to be home, to be here. Please, please, please-

“Anakin!”

Padme slipped around the corner, her nightgown fluttering around her, billowing up behind her like wings. He pulled her into a desperate hug, holding onto her so he could finally be grounded. He finally let go, safe enough to let it all go. Sobbing harshly the way he’d wanted to for hours. He jerked his mechanical hand up to pull at his hair, terrified to bruise his wife as he lost control.

She didn’t let go, or try to get away from him. She loved him so she leaned into him. Padme ran her hand soothingly up and down his back as she spoke. He couldn’t understand the words as he released his pent up emotions, but the sound of her voice was soft like rain. Gentle and soothing and real.

As soon as he had an inch of breathing room the rage rolled back in. Obi-Wan failed him, failed them both! And Anakin, he failed her. And Ahsoka just-she just left like he was nothing! It burns hot and fast, tasting like acid at the back of his throat as it sputters out. He feels like nothing. The Order was wrong.

“Ani, please, breath with me.” Padme whispered in his ear, her breath tickled the small hairs curling around it.

He tried. He tried so hard to calm down. To listen to her and to let it all go, but that’s what Jedi do. They release their emotions so they don’t have to face them, letting the consequences drop from their shoulders. The Jedi drove his apprentice away and Anakin refuses to shy from it. Instead he buries it down with the rest, down where it will burn him slowly. The way he deserves.

“Anakin?”

It was like an electric shock. Anakin’s head snapped up, full of hope and fear to see her leaning against the wall like she could fall at any moment.

“Ahsoka!” His heart pounded and his stomach dropped, and for one moment Anakin doesn’t know if he’s furious that she’d dare come here after refusing him or if he is ecstatic that she didn’t really leave him. Like he always had with her, like he swears to himself he always will, Anakin shoved that dark piece of him down. Down and away where it can never hurt her, down where all the other hurts are locked.

Ahsoka hesitated for a moment longer before sprinting to him leaping at the last second to wrap her arms around his neck. Anakin holds her tight as she clings to him. She’s here. She’s here.

Ahsoka gave a watery laugh, hiccuping slightly, “I missed you.”

It’s only been ten hours since she left the Order, but Anakin felt like each hour was a year crushing him down to his knees. His wife and his apprentice were here, his family, and Anakin finally smiled.

“I’d miss me too Snips.” He grunted as she punched him in the side, and pulled back to hold her shoulders. To make eye contact. “I’m, I’m so glad you’re here.”

She scrubbed lightly at her cheeks but was still smiling when she looked at him. “I figured you’d be lost without me at least nearby.”

It hit like a saber to his heart, she wasn’t rejoining the Order. It soothed like the soft shade of an ancient tree, she was staying anyways.

He tried to put on a good show, grumbling, “I thought R2 was my minder!”

Ahsoka snorted gently tugging out from under his hands as her arms wrapped around her middle. “Only when we need something on fire.”

Padme laughed and Anakin jumped. This, he’s pretty sure, is the first time in his life Anakin had forgotten she was in the same room as him. The same room that Ahsoka just caught him sobbing on her in. At 23:00. When he’s supposed to be at the Temple. He fidgeted even as he remembered the way Ahsoka told him she knew. It’s strange that someone knows about them and it makes him feel dizzy. Or maybe that’s the emotional whiplash. Or maybe the lack of food. Did he eat anything today?

“No fires tonight please, I think we’re all exhausted and could use some sleep.” Padme said as she touched the small of his back, the slightest pressure more than enough for him to start moving towards the bedroom. “We can all have a nice leisurely breakfast in the morning.”

He twists around, feeling like a small child as he desperately looks to watch Ahsoka moving with them. She gives a small, hopeful wave before ducking into one of the spare bedrooms.

“You’re amazing,” he whispers turning to look at Padme with every ounce of adoration shining in his eyes. “I love you.”

Padme smirks up at him. “I know.”

[seokjinsonlyone-main]

in which harry suggests a second trial...

part 5 to the “Starbucks” series: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

It'd only been a day, but Y/N felt like she could finally breathe again. She felt lighter. It sort of felt like part of her was missing, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. She experienced a similar feeling when she moved out on her own and when she broke up with her ex but also when she left a store without getting something she really liked or when she passed up on a food she was craving in the grocery store. 

Meeting Harry was a major life event. She may not have known him for a long time, but he had always been important to her. From the first time she watched the video for What Makes You Beautiful he was important to her. No matter how awkward or wonderful or distorted their brief little thing was it was important to her. Naturally, its ending was going to evoke some sort of response from her. She genuinely thought she was doing the right thing by asking him to leave, though. If it was true that everyone had a person, which she liked to believe, she knew that she wasn't his. He didn't get tunnel vision as if she was the only person in the room. There wasn't any uncontrollable fire flaming between them. They were a firework, at best. In the moment they were bright and beautiful, but all too soon they fizzled and dissolved into oblivion. Her and Harry just happened to be at the oblivion stage in their relationship, but no one ever sees a firework and immediately regrets seeing it so she was choosing to be glad that it happened.

Of course that was something she decided in her mind. Her heart was not on the same page. Her heart told her that the lightness she felt was emptiness. It whispered how she should've actually heard him out instead of putting her thoughts into his mouth. It mocked her by clenching every time she replayed the scene that unfolded the day prior in her mind. He was gone and it was by her own volition and her heart didn't like it. It was a good thing she was great at ignoring her heart. 

The war waging in her inner consciousness was too much. She needed to get away from it all, so she decided a run was in order. She hated running. She didn't like the way her lungs would burn and her legs would revolt against her once she settled down for the day, but there weren't any better options. She didn't have a gym membership or a bike or any exercise equipment at all. Exercising usually wasn't her thing. However, it was a proven stress reliever and it released endorphins which was something she desperately needed at the moment. 

She rushed around her apartment changing into something moderately suitable to go for a run in. She was hyping herself up in front of the door, giving herself the final boost she needed to actually carry out her plan when she heard a knock. She cocked her head to the side wondering who could be on the other side. Her rent had been paid on time, all her friends were either in class or at work, and her mom always called before coming over. She physically jumped back at the sight of Harry standing at her door, cheeks flushed and nose red, beanie tossed over his hair, bearing flowers in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. 

Her mind was a complete mess. It was as if she could feel the thoughts racing through it. She couldn't comprehend his presence. Her eyes roamed over him trying to come to terms with the fact that he was actually there, standing in front of her, with flowers and chocolates. "Are those really in season?" she asked after remaining shell shocked for an unbearable amount of time. It seemed to be the only thing that her mind successfully processed in the moment. 

He shifted his gaze from her to the bouquet in his hand. "Uh... S'pose so. Didn't really ask... I just... thought they looked nice so..." he said then cleared his throat. "Can I come in?"

She nodded furiously, stepping aside. She toyed with her lip for a few seconds, one hand still on the door looking at him standing in front of her home a day after she told him to leave. "I'm sorry. I'm just... como se dice... shook, like, what on God's green earth are you doing here?"

He held out the flowers to her as he sat the chocolates down on her table. "I'm not really satisfied with how things went down yesterday."

She furrowed her brows. "What?"

"I want to talk to you again."

She looked around her in search of something that would tell her what was going on. She couldn't believe what was happening. "This is actual life. This doesn't happen in real life. You can't just– You can't– There isn't, like, a reset button. You can't call backsies in real life."

"We're not resetting. It's more of a… second trial. Like, in a science experiment." He noticed her look of disbelief. "It was a bit presumptuous of me to show up yesterday and just expect to fix things overnight, I know. But, you were crying when I left yesterday so I know you're not happy with how things turned out either. I know that you like to think, and I know that you already had your mind made up before I even showed up. I know that you're good at tucking emotions away, but I want to know how you feel. I've been a prick, but this time I choose not to let you go."

She scoffed. "What is this? You literally just put a whole album out about how you suck at communicating. I didn't sign up for this!"

He cracked a small smile. "We'll call it self-improvement."

She shrugged moving into the living room to sit. "I've never been one to stand in the way of a person bettering themselves, so…" she said, motioning for him to have a seat in the opposing chair. 

They eyed each other waiting for someone to start talking. "I thought about you and everything that happened all night."

"And?" she asked, raising her eyebrows and folding her arms and crossing her legs.

"And… first of all, I need to know if you'll be able to forgive me for not getting in touch with you. I really am sorry. You don't have to forgive me today or tomorrow but just eventually. Is that..." he gulped, "Is that something you can do?"

She uncrossed her arms and legs, figuring that looking intimidating wasn't necessary when he obviously had some sort of agenda that he put thought and effort into. "Sweetie, I made my peace with that when I realised you weren't hitting me up anymore." Keeping things pent up messed with her head and was annoyingly distracting. She needed a clear mind to be functional otherwise she had the tendency of being caught up on that one thing which led to a lack of productivity, so she let go of that a couple weeks ago. "My problem was what it signified."

"Okay, that's the second thing," he rushed out. "You don't get to tell me what you mean to me." She snarled at him. "I gather that you believe in soulmates or summat, but just because I met you in a coffeehouse doesn't mean that we weren't meant to be together. Like, have you ever thought that maybe that's how we were supposed to meet?" He crossed the room to sit beside her, then gently nudged her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact with him. "Isn't it crazy that I just happened to be there at the same time as you? And, you just happened to anonymously buy me coffee? And, the barista just happened to tell me that it was you? And, you just happened to charm and endear me so much that I had to see you again that very night? Is that all just a coincidence?"

The gears were turning in her brain. He made some valid points. She'd been so caught up in the fact that he wasn't immediately taken aback by her like in some fanfic, that she forgot that she wasn't that kind of person. She said it herself just the night before. She was normal. She wasn't the kind of person that turned everyone's heads. She was the kind of person you didn't see unless she bought you coffee. He could've easily just thanked her or reimbursed her and went on his way, but he didn't. He saw her. He could've genuinely forgotten about her. He could've been anywhere in the world, but he was here, basically fresh off of tour, begging for forgiveness and a fair chance with flowers and chocolates. "You're appealing to my insanity..."

"And? Is it working?" he asked, cracking another grin.

She pinched her index finger and thumb together. "Just a little," she laughed. He pulled her into a hug and god she forgot just how good it felt to be wrapped up in him. 

Her smile had worn off by the time he pulled back, though. There were other things she needed to consider. "I still don't know what you expect out of this, Harry."

His mouth pulled down into a frown. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged and her voice raised an octave. "I don't know! Like, I mean, do you see a future for us? Is there even an us?"

He pulled his collar away from his neck despite the fact that he was wearing a t shirt, finally showing some form of discomfort. "It's a little early in the relationship for that kind of question, don't you think?" he forced out, leaning back against the couch and running his hands through his hair. 

"So, this is a relationship?" she inquired, propping her knee up and turning to face him.

He ran his palms up and down his thighs. "I mean, the beginning, yeah. It's not really developed much, but there's definitely an us. If you want it to be, that is." He turned, facing back toward her, putting the ball in her court.

"I… don't know..."

"You don't know?" He was confused. He thought they'd made progress.

"Have you heard of Schrödinger's Cat?"

"I– I–ummm… showing's what now?"

"Schrödinger's Cat. It's a physics thought experiment. So, basically there's this cat, and it's in a box, but until you open it, it could be considered both dead and alive."

"Okay..." he responded, obviously perplexed as to what that had to do with them.

"I don't date casually because I'm not in the business of getting my heart broken. I know it may seem like I ignore my emotions a lot, but I'm actually quite in tune with them. And to be completely honest, I fell in love with the thought of you before I even knew you. Now I do know you, and despite everything that's happened, I think you're lovely. So, actually being involved with you and it not working out would… crush me."

"Or it could work out and we could be really happy together. Because, I mean, I can see us together. Like, as a couple. You're not just a fling to me, you know?"

The earnest look in his eyes made her want to commit right then and there, but she needed to be sure about this before she made any decision. "Can I– Can I think about it?"

"Of course," he agreed quickly.

They sat side by side in an awkward silence for a few minutes before she spoke up. "I was actually about to go for a run before you showed up."

"Right, sorry." He popped up off the couch, stuffing his hands in his pockets, slowly walking towards the door. She grabbed her keys and followed him. "Before I go, let me do something," he said then pushed his lips on hers before she even had a chance to wonder what he was about to do. She was so surprised by his sudden, bold action that she didn't respond for several seconds, but when she did she felt like she was floating on water. He worked over her lips like the waves ripple in the sea.. And, when he suckled on her bottom lip drawing out a sweet moan from her then went back in and dipped his tongue into her mouth, she decided that she wouldn't mind drowning in him. 

He rendered her completely speechless when he finally drew back from her and spent the time she needed to recover from the kiss gently smoothing his thumb over her bottom lip with one hand and rubbing circles into her lower back with the other.. "What… was that?" she sputtered after a minute or so.

"Just figured you'd need some data. Can't draw conclusions for an experiment without sufficient data."

She nodded, then rubbed her hands up his chest and slithered them around his neck going in for one more round of "data." "Okay, okay," she said, turning in his arms and opening the door quickly before she completely lost herself in him. "Wait," she said grasping his hand, as he began to walk away. He raised his eyebrows at her. "How long will you be in town for?"

"However long it takes for you to open that box." He winked at her with a splitting grin spread across his face, then walked away leaving her leaning breathless against her door.

[dustedmagazine]

2016/2020: Patrick Masterson

If what you came to read was my 2020 wrapped, here: Yves Tumor’s Heaven to a Tortured Mind was my favorite album. HAAi’s Put Your Head Above the Parakeets was my favorite EP. Oleksandr Yurchenko and Svitlana Nianio’s Lichy Do Sta Symphony No. 1 was my favorite reissue. Overmono’s take on Rosalía’s “A Palé” was my favorite remix. Protomartyr’s “Processed by the Boys” was my favorite video. Equiknoxx’s Vinyl Factory set was my favorite mix. Lil Baby’s “The Bigger Picture” was song of the summer. The best show I saw was SuperKnova at Chicago’s Sleeping Village in February. My Spotify account doesn’t reflect any of this.

What follows is an unused essay for The Believer’s Distancing series that Dusted alumnus Daniel Levin-Becker ran for most of 2020. The idea behind the column was to write something personal about an album that took you to a space away from quarantine’s confines. I’d intended it as a kind of spiritual companion or prequel to the essay of mine that ran in May, but I think it functions as an endnote for this year just as much as it would’ve for 2016, when I sat out Dusted’s year-end features. Call it making up for lost time.

As I get older, I’m often reminded that music doesn’t save and it doesn’t really heal the way I once thought it could — but it does let you feel, which is to say it lets you know you’re alive. In a year where government ineptitude and personal irresponsibility actively worked against that, music took on added importance for its normality. Artists kept releasing. I kept listening. The ritual remained. I don’t know what 2021 brings the same way I didn’t know what 2017 had in store, but I do know what I’ll be doing until my ears finally fail me. Over my dead body is right. Thanks for reading.

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Distancing #XX: Rojus (Designed to Dance)

Hitler, man. Fucking unbelievable.

I laugh at the thought, leaned back and following the shadow of an umbrella to shield my sunburned skin from further exposure on the main floor of Larcomar, an open-air mall carved into Lima’s Pacific cliffside, watching paragliders take off at regular intervals and nursing a bottle of Cusqueña in the final idle hours of my trip down here. My youngest brother is across the table, sunglasses on, shaking his head, then nodding like the Alonzo Mourning gif as he nurses his own: Yeah, we did do this, didn’t we. We met Hitler in Peru.

Well, sort of. That’s how I’m going to lead off the story of what I did for Christmas 2016, anyway. The truth is less sordid, no zombies: We’d been walking aimlessly the evening before around Miraflores, a neighborhood that never seemed to end and stopped at the sandwich shop La Lucha. I ordered a jamon y queso (relearning Spanish on the fly, needless to say, has its limits) and was rung up by Wilson, a very ordinary name, and served up by Jitler, which… I don’t know, maybe I’m the only person in line who gave it a second thought, but say that with a Spanish accent and it sure seems like something you, as a parent with even a vague awareness of the last 100 years on earth, wouldn’t risk naming your kid unless you were looking to prompt a lot of questions already answered by your kid’s name. Right? No fucking way? Unbelievable.

I tip the bottle back and think over how that hasn’t even been the best part of this trip. The best part, truly, is the bread. If I asked my friends to name three things they know about Peru, they’d say Machu Picchu or the Incas, probably ceviche, maybe coffee or pisco sours. They aren’t wrong, but there’s a more right answer: I haven’t had bad bread the entire time I’ve been in this country. From paninis to pizzas to hot dog rolls (what can I say, I panicked staring down a sizable menu and a dog just sounded right in the moment), every loaf or slice or roll has smelled tremendous and tasted better. I’m sure of it now: There really is something to breadmaking by the sea, as any defender of a New York bagel will tell you.

Is Peru the only country I’ve never eaten bad bread in? I take another sip, can’t remember.

On the other hand, why is every napkin here half-sized and single ply? It feels like you have to fight for each perforation of napkin no matter the buttery goodness of your bread. Maybe paper is just valued differently or people are neater here, but I’m sure of this, too: There has to be a reason the same way there’s a reason the bread is good and the straws are so big and the restaurant and bar hours are strange and only one guy does all the Liga 1 commentary and you can’t check into a flight until three hours before, but security for it closes two hours before and the gate is 15 minutes before. I have a lot more than Conversation in the Cathedral to read when I get back, I think. There’s a lot to be explained.

For example, what I’m even doing in Peru for Christmas to begin with. It started as a joke, I’ll tell people: I got hired in May for a job after being unemployed for seven of the previous 13 months. It took nine years, but this was finally the position I’d wanted since I graduated, the role I felt I was put on this planet to fulfill, and in this aspect of my life at least, I was relieved. My friend had planned a New Year’s Eve wedding and the logistics of bumming around friends’ couches or staying at my parents’ house for more than a week didn’t quite add up, so I told my brother, wouldn’t it be funny to go somewhere weird for Christmas instead? I’ve never been to Calgary or Albuquerque or Little Rock. Then it was Cuba, then Argentina, then Peru — hey, my brother says, I’ve got a friend who knows the country and is all about us going down there.

We check the flights. It’s laughably affordable for us both.

Like a lot of my trips in recent years, then, the logistics escalate quickly from theoretical to real: I play around with dates, times, connecting flights and strange airports in an effort to game the system and get a little bit extra trimmed off the cost. We commit to plane tickets, a hotel, itineraries. He gets phone numbers of people his friend knows down there. Where in Newark do you want to meet up before the flight? How far can we go once we’ve arrived? Is there anything we collectively need to see? Isn’t this dumb and delightful? And that’s it, crucial questions answered, pieces in place: I’m visiting Lima.

Everyone should travel like that, I think, watching another paraglider set off. In one way, I’m thinking about all the ridiculous pieces it took to put me here. In another, though, my mind is as far away as we are from Chicago. I’m stalling, trying not to think about what’s happened back home. Two weeks before, I was in Charlotte enduring grade school friends’ condolences like it was a funeral instead of the wedding it actually was. “I heard about what happened.” “I’m really sorry to hear about you and.” “I was looking forward to finally.” And so on. For someone who usually has so much to gab about, I still haven’t worked out how to say what I’m really feeling. It’s crushing and confusing when you think you’ve found the most powerful relationship in your life and effortlessly reached a kind of platonic ideal, the kind of intimacy most people go their whole lives not knowing — and then, slowly, you find it’s less true than you imagined, find something more powerful. Nothing can prepare you for what you can’t ignore. I have no idea what institutional oppression is like and I’ve done nothing but benefit from a system designed to serve me, so I feel too guilty to admit to anyone I’m an emotional wreck when their grandparents are dying and their worlds are changing and we’ve just elected a self-important cartoon for president, but there is always a “but” with stuff like this. I remember the bar in the hours before I left for Newark where I was tired and thirsty and tired of being thirsty, the train ride to O’Hare, pausing to look back before I passed on through security. There is always a reason.

All of that was the old world, I think to myself. This, though? This right here? This is the new. I think back to the intramural soccer matches we watched after downing the sandwiches and moving on; for all we know, we might’ve been watching a fourth division game out there. Beautiful palm trees, incredible summer weather, pull-ups on the beach, pisco sours with the hotel staff as a transgender game show host soundtracked our Christmas countdown, Brenda and Renzo and Callao and Christmas day turkey with a family I didn’t know and bubblegum soda and Barranco beer and Cerro San Cristobal and cherimoya slushies. Typhoon evacuation signs. The modern art museum. Lanes and turn signals as suggestions. Far away clears my head.

I know what I’m doing even when I don’t always know I know what I’m doing and God has that gotten me in some trouble, but I know what I’m weak for and I know what my strengths are and I think I know how to play it better yet. This is where I start to get myself correct, stop being my own worst enemy. I have a plan. I’m going to straighten things out and get my mind and life in order and all this pent up fear, this sadness and disappointment and self-defeating anxiety, is going to show itself out. I exhale in relief at the anticipation of it: Yes, 2016 was a bad year, maybe my worst, a year I never want to go through again — but 2017? No, I can feel it as “Blush” rolls around in my head and I watch another paraglider set off from the cliff and out toward the sun, the sea: 2017’s going to be a good year. A really good year.

Hitler. Fucking unbelievable. I take another sip and laugh again. What do you think, I say, one more and then we go? Rory nods. One more.

Rojus (Designed To Dance) by LEON VYNEHALL

[chamomilehoneytea]

what were your thoughts on 117 do you think our ship sank permanently? I mean I expected Pin to reject her and not giving her any "wait till you graduated" hopes, but still a part of me just died. Pin is really one hell of a good complex character, a insight chapter would do wonders haha.

Thank you somuch @lov-lymj for reaching out to me about my thoughts! I agree that a chapter fromPin’s perspective would be the best thing ever (actually can we get a wholespin-off series of Kimi ni Todoke from his point of view? Please Shiina?). 

I’d beenmeaning to write out my thoughts on Chapter 117 for a while, but then I thoughtthe moment had passed, so thank you for giving me a reason to get everythingout. Unfortunately, you asked someone who LOVES to talk, so your answer isabout 4 pages worth of word vomit and feelings.

Still, I hopeyou and any other ayapinners who are worried about our ship sinking will findsome encouragement in my analysis. Obviously these are just my opinions andinterpretations, and you are totally free to disagree.

Let me startoff by saying I also felt like a little part of me died when I first read thechapter summary for 117, and based on what I was seeing in the Japanese forum Ifollow, a lot of people felt let down or disappointed with the outcome. Likeyou, I wasn’t expecting him to “accept” her feelings in this chapter. I thoughthe would probably reject her, but that we would be given at least a hug or somesort of real indication that they’d get together in the future. When I wasreading the Japanese summaries and poring over people’s comments, there seemedto be very little hope.

But then Isaw the chapter.

Our ship, far from sinking, has new windin its sails.

The big eventin Chapter 117 is Ayane’s confession, and Pin verbally, formally, rejects her.He says to her roughly what he said to Kurumi at the beginning of the manga,that she’s too young (paraphrasing), and deflects her attempts to draw out histrue feelings. Ayane thinks to herself that she’s been utterly defeated, andresolves to make the best of things and move forward; while her eating thecough drop and resolution to become an adult that Pin will be proud of arepreferable to seeing her broken and devastated, they do seem togive an impression that things are finished for ayapin.

If we onlylook at this course of events, it is easy to believe that we have witnessed thebittersweet end of a doomed pairing that, nevertheless, had lovely development.

But there’s a lot more to the chapterthan Ayane’s confession.I would even go so far as to say this chapter invites us into Pin’s perspectivefor the first time, and that if we look closely at that, there’s so much goingon under the surface of his rejection.

When Pin thinks she failed, he bends over backwards to comfort her however he can; hemakes them coffee, he very gently places her mug in front of her (beforecarelessly slamming his own on the table), he prioritizes her feelings over hisown health, he compliments her efforts and encourages her (using a variety oftactics), and he is visibly distressed when she starts crying (he even movescloser to her while she’s inconsolable).

Then when shetells him she passed the exam, he gets so riled up that he nearly tells her hewas waiting for her all day. His reaction as he cuts himself off is veryinteresting – for some reason, he doesn’t want her to know that he was waitingfor her. He almost gets carried away with his feelings, but pulls back at thelast second; he then denies it with an immature expression. When he finallyadmits that he was waiting for her, he doesn’t just say, “Yes I waited a while”or “Yeah I waited a little, I guess” – he fervently declares that he waswaiting for her the entire day. This poignant moment isfilled with tension, and from the shading and his expression, it seems to beone in which he is releasing very pent-up feelings (kind of a confession in itsown right).

The nextmoment is equally revealing. When she cries again, there are sparkles aroundher (in fact, there are sparkles around her almost every time she cries in thischapter) – and we seem to be seeing her from Pin’s perspective. He smiles ather affectionately (which she doesn’t see), but his face is partially obscured;the panel has an air of mystery, and is reminiscent of certain panels of his in otherchapters (87, 93, 97, 112). I get the sense that something is hidden from us inmoments like these. During the toast, her tearful smile really surprises him,and in the next panel he is at a loss for words; I don’t think it’s making toobig a leap here to say that, if he hasn’t already (he totally has), this is themoment when he thinks, “She’s cute.” He frantically leaves the room to dry hishair, despite the fact that they were in the middle of celebrating…

(Aaah, nothinglike a lot of hot air blowing in your face to deflate the sexual tension!)

When he comesback and notices the box, Ayane asks him if he knows what day it is. Pin, theguy who is always very conscious of Valentine’s Day / romantic holidays (andhow popular he is), says, “It’s the day your results come out.” He has been sofocused on Ayane Ayane’s exam result that he has entirely forgottenValentine’s Day! That’s huge!

And duringher confession…

He gives heran out. But she refuses to take it. Even knowing that she won’t be accepted,she is completely honest about her feelings.

Hisexpression when she looks him in the eye and tells him she loves him isprobably my favorite in the chapter, and maybe even the whole series. Ihonestly don’t know how Shiina got the lines so soft…He is completely blownaway by her. Pin knows Ayane better than any other person in this series; herealized her feelings at Christmas, but he probably never expected her to admitthem. He thinks very highly of her, but I think he believed she would alwayskeep her feelings to herself, because that’s what she’s done with her emotions throughoutthe story. He isn’t allowed to return her feelings while he’s her teacher, sohe tries to spare her any added embarrassment by discreetly letting her knowthat he already knows. So to see this girl he thought he knew so well bravely and defiantly confess to him, to witness her fighting for him despite her fear– there’s such a beautiful sense of wonder and surprise on his face.

And hisanswer is far from straightforward, despite his line about her being “10 yearsearly” and “out of range”; even though he verbally rejects her, he eats everylast chocolate in the box. Not just one out of pity, or two to appease her. Theman who makes a point of complaining about how much he dislikes sweet things eatsthem all, and even says they taste good.

I believethat in eating all of the chocolate, he is actually accepting her feelings. Hecan’t return them at this moment (concern for her future, age gap,professionalism, all of the above, whatever it may be), but he can accept themin his heart. After eating the chocolate, there is a heavily shaded partialclose-up of Pin’s face, and he doesn’t speak to her immediately. He seems to beconsidering something… If he didn’t have any feelings for her, I don’t think hewould need such a long time to formulate a rejection. I don’t think he wouldkeep her waiting in suspense that long for no reason. And he stares at her sointently. In these panels, I see an inner struggle – he wants to formallyaccept, but more than his own happiness, he wants her to be free to pursue herdreams without a guy (who will probably always live in Kitahoro) holding herback.

So he givesher a genuine smile and tries to reject her with as much levity as possible.

And if wewere still in doubt that he’s holding something back, Shiina goes out of herway to give us another telling moment.

When Ayaneasks Pin if he ever thought she was cute, he is initially surprised. Looking ather eager, hopeful expression, he seems somewhat wistful, and his face has thatmeaningful shadow. We know that he thought she was cute in this chapter (beforehe left to dry his hair), and there have been moments in other chapters when he might have; but he playfully taps her head and denies it with a smile. So whatwe can infer is, if he’s holding that back, what else is he hiding from her?

The praise hegives her as she’s leaving is also, to me, a sort of confession. We learn thathe hasn’t forgotten about the time she gave him chocolate in Chapter 45 – themoment that has been of recurring importance to Ayane throughout the series hasnot only been remembered by Pin, but treasured. He tells her he was happy whenshe did that, and showers her with praise for her kindness and personal growth.To me, it sounds as if he’s telling her all the reasons he loves her without beingable to use those words.

And that’swhat I think this chapter confirms. Pin does love her, and has for a long time,whether he fully realizes it or not. And I think Shiina is telling us not togive up hope, even if the timing is not right at this particular moment.

Looking atthe chapter from a narrative point of view, it makes no sense to show us somany reactions from Pin if this really is the end of the line. We see him worry andget flustered over her – what would be the point if this was it? In fact, ifher only intention was to give Ayane a bittersweet first love, I don’t thinkshe would have so carefully and gradually built up all of their momentstogether. Why show us any reactions from Pin at all? He’s technically a supportingcharacter, their chapters are always in Ayane’s perspective – if she wasplanning for an ending where they can’t ever be together, why have so manyscenes that illustrate their mutualcloseness? She could have just had Ayane pining for him and shown us a kind butdisinterested Pin. Their interactions do not resemble those of Chizu and Tohruearly on in the series, where there is a large degree of distance on one sideand a childhood crush on the other. Pin clearly cares for Ayane deeply, andtime and time again we see his very personal investment in her aspirations andfeelings.

As far aswhat will happen between them going forward, I’m really not sure.

I’ve stronglybelieved for a while that we will get a pretty heart-pounding interaction betweenthem after graduation, and I’m still hoping for one (why not? lol). Again,thinking about things narratively, and keeping in mind that Shiina loves herayapin foreshadowing: why have Ayane’s results come out on Valentine’s Day? Whyhave Ayane confess on Valentine’s Day? She’s given Pin chocolate on the lasttwo, so it rounds things in her arc out nicely. But I think it’s more thanthat. If her confession happened any other day, there wouldn’t be a follow-up…butwhat if White Day happens to fall after the graduation ceremony? Pin is, at thevery least, “obligated” to give her something in return for the Valentine’schocolate he accepted…and if it’s after graduation…well, maybe they won’t date,but I’m hoping we get some sort of encouraging interaction since he’ll nolonger be her teacher (maybe he’ll give her his number and tell her to keep intouch, or finally admit that he does think she’s cute). I really do believewe’re in for a surprise after graduation, and that some of the depressing “finality” inthis chapter is to mislead us so that we’re reallysurprised later. I think Shiina is building us up for a sweet, unexpectedpay-off down the road…

I also thinkthe graduation photo album could have an impact on Pin at the ceremony – in Chapter115 Chigusa mentions that she’s taking pictures for the album, and Shiina mightbe foreshadowing a slideshow or something. That picture of them having a greattime together really affected Ayane, so maybe it could make Pin realizesomething too…

And if thatdoesn’t happen, I’m 95 percent sure we’ll see them either dating, married, orrunning into each other and connecting in a 10-years-later epilogue (even Pin’srejection hints at this). I would love to see one of the first two optionsespecially (because after waiting this long it would be great to see themfinally together as a couple), but I could also see Shiina doing the classic“What?! It’s you, Yano?!” mix-up (slow-burn til the end, haha).

Having saidall of that, I could be wrong. There’s a new chapter coming out this week thatmay render all of this analysis completely irrelevant, or we may find out in afew months that this chapter was indeed the end for them. But until Shiina isdone with this wonderful series, I think we should keep our heads up, becauseanything could happen.

I personally believeshe won’t disappoint us. Ayane and Pin are always featured with the other twocouples on magazine and chapter covers (115 spotlighted the 3 couples a toneven in the chapter itself), and after 12 years of slowly and carefully building theirrelationship, I can’t imagine Shiina just throwing ayapin away at the end; ifthis were a one-shot manga or a story that had only 50 chapters, I would be a littlemore concerned. Plus, Ayane has been through so much and endured and grown – Ithink Shiina will give her a happy ending, ultimately, because she really, really deserves one.If the other two couples are still together in the final chapter, I think Ayaneand Pin definitely have a future together.

This was avery long way of saying to you and all ayapin shippers, “Please don’t bediscouraged or give up hope!” I’m also anxious to see what will happen, butgiven the way their relationship was portrayed in this chapter, I’m inclined tobelieve that this is only the beginning for them. :)