#we need music in Starfield

[aro-pancake]

My dearest, Bethesda,

We need to talk

Now.

I'm watching my boyfriend play Starfield, and his ship is a bloody maze.

We can't walk around in there. We know "where" everything is, but we can't find it while walking around inside.

Let us choose where our doors will be! Let us choose where the ladders will be without having to add 1x1 parts. Let us make the doors all match. Let us edit and decorate our ships because I spend more time on that rust bucket than I do in the penthouse the UC gave me because it's worthless to try and decorate it only for us to loose everything the second we reload the map!

Give me a way to add a bounty board on my ship so I don't have to risk going through the cities and getting shot at, or worse: arrested!

Also, GIVE US RADIOS! Planet exploration will become so much better if we can listen to our Broadway tunes in game (that I won't have to pause manually for a dialogue), like, yk... FALLOUT! Come on! Gimme a radio called "Old Earth Radio" and put on some music! Put one SSNN radio so we can listen to the news and get some more activities! Give me original music from the artists we see posters of all over the Starfield!

[bangtanhoneys]

GRACE VLOG - Family Day Out

As the last vlog to go out on Big Hits YouTube account, Grace’s was at least over an hour long with the thumbnail of her in the driver’s seat and a question mark over the person in the passenger seat. Nothing fancy, nothing over the top. Just simple and straight to the point that this video would be about Grace doing her daily thing. 

“Good morning,” Grace grinned at the camera that was pointed at her as she sat in the driver’s seat for the Hyundai Palisade. “I didn’t really know what to vlog as nothing much is happening for me and I know the boys are off doing their own thing, but I got a phone call from someone yesterday who needed my help today so I promised them I would dedicate the whole day to what they needed but I’d have to vlog about it. So that’s where we’re going.”

Grace turned the engine on and plugged in her phone, pressing a couple of buttons on the navigation. “I should also explain one of the managers is in the back in case anyone thinks there’s a random person in my car,” she added as she pulled on her seatbelt. There was a deep chuckle in the back which made her smile. “Sorry, Hobeom-oppa.”

She pulled away from HYBE’s parking spaces and onto the busy roads of Seoul, which was in peak morning traffic. There wasn’t much talking other than the sounds of someone tapping their phone and the low sound of music coming from the system, which seemed to be classical. “It’s odd not having one of the guys in the car with me,” she suddenly said. “There’s always someone there,” she added as she waved a hand in the direction of the passenger seat. “Always talking.”

After fifteen minutes of driving, she pulled into another underground parking lot after waving a card at the machine. She pulled into one of the spaces and left the engine running, pulling out her phone to send a quick message.

“I bet she’s going to be late,” she muttered to her manager who got out and opened the passenger door. 

ARMY would be then utterly surprised to see another woman, slightly taller than Grace and obviously much older climb into the passenger seat. “Sorry I’m late! Your father handed me another list of things to get.”

Grace laughed and reached over, hugging her mother. 

“Let me introduce you,” she said as she waited for her mother to get settled into her seat. She then pointed to the various cameras. “Mum, say hello to ARMY. Both in Korean and English.”

The older woman, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes, pale skin with freckles spread across her nose and thin-framed glasses, looked puzzled for a moment until she realised. “Ah,” she muttered, then gave a small bow from her seat. “Hello, I’m Hea’s mother,” she said in Korean before smiling, the same smile Grace had. “Hello, I’m Grace’s mum,” she then added in English, with a clear London accent.

“Okay, where are we going first?” Grace asked, as Hobeom got back into his seat and closed the door behind him. She reserved out of the space and out of the underground parking.

“Well, we need to get your Dad some new shirts,” her mother said in English then switched to Korean for the benefit of the cameras and Hobeom in the back. “And then I’ve got some grocery shopping to do and we need to get some bits for your grandparents, since we’re visiting them at the weekend which you’ve cleared your schedule for?”

Grace gave a quick glance to the manager in the back who nodded. “All clear. It would be nice to see them, I haven’t seen them since the new year?” she guessed. It was hard to keep up with what day it was, never mind what month it was. 

“New year,” her mother confirmed. “So before you get busy again, it’s probably best to spend some time with them. I think the uncles and aunties and cousins are coming as well.”

“Ah, the Chu family reunion,” Grace laughed as she waited at the lights to head to the Starfield COEX Mall. She had a mask and a bucket hat in her bag to throw on when they got there. 

Of course, it was extremely busy there for the time of day and thankfully the disguise did the trick as they got through the entrance from the parking lot and up to the floor to the shop where her Dad got his shirt’s from. Of course, it didn’t stop her mother from having a quick wander around and it didn’t stop Grace going into the bookstore and coming out with two large bags. 

Poor Hobeom, who had volunteered to carry the bags, obviously didn’t realise who he was shopping with. “We’ll get your favourite food after this. We’re going to Gwangjang Market as well,” Grace promised as she wrapped a hand around his arm. 

What was meant to be an hour at the shopping mall, had turned into two hours though you couldn’t tell from the editing done by the team. They had timelapsed the whole thing into a quick segment, which ended up with them leaving the mall and on the road to the market.

“The famous Gwangjang Market, as seen on Netflix,” Grace commented as she weaved through traffic easily.

“It’s not the same as the markets in England when it’s Christmas,” her mother added.

“No, it’s not. We need to go back at one point, maybe take the boys,” Grace mused. “They’d like a Christmas market, especially like the ones in Berlin.”

It had been awhile since she had been home to England and it had been even longer since she had been to Berlin, just to go and be a tourist rather than perform. She tried to go back home with her parents as much as she could but with their schedule and then obviously COVID, it had waylaid any plans. 

“Jungkook would love the food,” her mother laughed. “His eyes would grow massive at the size of those popular sausages and pretzels.”

“You know for a fact they would love the beer in Germany,” Grace scoffed but she was smiling as she said it, pulling into the famous Korean market. 

“Here is where the fun begins but let’s get something to eat first,” she said as they got out of the car. It was going to be easier for her to be recognised in this place, mostly because her mother stood out the most. For Grace it was easy to blend in with a mask and a hat because of her Korean eyes, but for her mother, who was clearly a foreigner, not so much. 

So she ditched the disguise and took the mini camera with her, leaving her phone and keys with her manager. 

They found a space at one of the stalls selling kalguksu, korean knife noodles, and so Grace paid for their lunch while normal everyday people carried on with their lives. One or two people spotted her and waved and the owner of the stall they were at asked for her autograph, but other than that they carried on peacefully.

By the end of their visit, Hobeom was carrying three large bags of stuff for Grace’s mother and two of his own. Grace was carrying another three bags in one hand and one in the other, which contained some of the things she had seen. And her mother had one small one.

“I feel bad that you have to carry it all,” she apologised to the manager. It was clear they had known each other for a long time because Hobeom laughed it off and shook his head, speaking for the first time. “Angela-ajumma, it’s honestly no problem. I’m happy to help.”

“Call me Angela without all that Korean part,” her mother said with a wave of her hand causing Grace to grin.

“Try saying it in English,” Grace pointed out to her manager as they walked out the market.

“It’s no problem Angela,” he said very slowly and it was a bit of broken English but it got to the point. 

“There we go! Just don’t tell Grace’s father about that because you know how he is about speaking Korean,” her mother laughed as they loaded the bags into the car.

“He’s a fussy ajusshi,” Grace sighed as they all climbed into the car and made the trek back over to Seongsu-dong as her parents lived within minutes of SM Entertainment and the Seoul Forest. 

The vlog ended with her mother waving goodbye to the camera and giving Grace’s cheek a kiss as she got out of the car.

“ARMY, thank you for joining me on a day out with my mother. I hope to see you all soon and maybe, we can take you all to England with us one day. Bye for now,” she waved at the camera before turning it off and getting out of the car to help with the bags. 

[fernthewhimsical]

Fern's introduction to the Gleaming Grove

The Gleaming Grove is my own personal pantheon, created with a mix of historical, pop culture, and constructed or unrecorded deities. These are the deities in the Grove

the Ashkeeper – deity of the dead, graveyards, and memories. Gathers and keeps the memories we have of those who have passed. Keeps the ‘souls’ safe until they are ready to continue to wherever they choose their afterlife to be.

The Hearthlight – deity of home, hearth, and community. Protects the home and hearth, provides and guards warmth and love in the home. Connections and community. Sharing what you have and taking what you need.

The Iridescent One – deity of beauty, self love and -acceptance, freedom. She teaches us there is beauty in all of us, and helps us learn to love and accept ourselves as we are. Breaker of Chains, she guides us to break free of the chains society and our own perfectionism throw around us. She grants us second chances should we need them.

The Horned Hunter – deity of the forest, of animals and the hunt. He is the leader of the Wild Hunt and the King of the Fae. He is the god of the liminal, the in between. The cycles of nature – death, decay, and life again.

The Wayfarer – deity of roads and pathways, of journeys both physical and spiritual. She guides us with her lit lantern when we are lost. Labyrinths are dedicated to her, especially as a way to travel inward. She protects us when we travel and nudges us in the right direction of where we need to be. An antlered deity carrying a lantern and surrounded by green.

the Veiled Silence – deity of silence, of winter and of secrets. She used to be mortal, but has been lifted to Godhood by the Horned Hunter. She is the silence of snowfall. She urges us into contemplation and introspection, and what secrets mean and how to keep them.

the Wildmother – deity of nature, the sea, harvest. She guides travellers over sea, guiding them with her stars, or with profitable winds. She is the tempest and the storm, but also the cooling breeze on a hot day. She is the deity of agriculture, especially orchards. Her travel over the sea also includes being a psycho-pomp, guiding those who have passed to their afterlife.

Rootwoman – deity of the forest, magic, and war. They protect the sacred places and fight against any who wishes to take it away. Protects the oppressed and gives them the tools and power to fight against their oppressors, in both weapons and magic.

the Wordweaver – deity of words, stories, magic. Muse of writing. They spark the inspirational spark and guide the words on paper. They are the keepers of knowledge, both mundane and magical.

The Lotweaver – deity of fate, luck, and the tapestry of life. They weave the threads of life, guide and watch over them. Fate is not set in stone, choices and such will always have an influence on the tapestry.

the Weftweaver – deity of creativity, artistry, and artisans. Especially textile-, fiber-, bead-, and jewellery craft. Spark of inspiration.

Trickster – deity of mischief, change, laughter. God of the outcasts, challenges societal norms and brings necessary change.

Void - The emptiness from which anything can be created (chaos in Latin) The depth of space. The Divine Chaosyne. Void is the emptiness that was here before the big bang. The void from which creation springs forth. They are the darkness between the stars that birth the galaxies and starfields. Chaos is needed to keep things from getting stagnant, and is the catalyst for change.

Lady of Flowers – deity of spring, of flowers, love, joy, mirth, and art. Beauty, music, poetry and inspiration. Wife to Shining One and Iridescent One. She invites us to dance to the tune of the seasons, to stop and smell the roses, and see the small wonders around us.

Shining One – deity light, hope, and justice. Golden shining deity of the Sun. Wife to Lady of Flowers and Iridescent One.

Moonmother – deity of the Moon, magic, the night. Bringer of change and moving through cycles. Mother/sister to Starsister. Void created the stars, Arda (the Earth) and the moon. We gave them life in the form of divinity. Moon came first, and she inspired humans to give her a sister/daughter.

Starsister – deity of the stars and the night sky, of navigation and of hope. A light in the dark, a guide to lead us home. She dances across the sky, leaving a trail of stars behind.

Amber Forge – deity of smithing, artisans, clockwork, innovation, technical improvements, urban sprawls.

Sanctuary - deity of sacred spaces. Protector of boundaries. Both the sacred spaces we creating when practicing witchcraft, as the sacred spaces that are our home and our personal boundaries.

the Healer - deity of healing, herbalism. She is the Golden Healer, the one who heals both Gods and men. With her potions, brews, poultices, and herbal teas she brings rest to the weary and healing of body, heart, and mind. A teacher, she can also guide in the study of the healing arts. Clootie trees and healing springs or wells fall under her domain.

Crescent Huntress - Adopted daughter to the Hooded Hunter and Moonmother. Lady of the wild places, goddess of the hunt and animals. The deep wild forests are her domain.

[asklittlepip]

I mean, basically this.

Most of the awards were unworthy or trolling, and several of 'em actually won! Does The Last of Us Part I really have better music than say, Hi-Fi Rush or freakin' Persona, or is it simply more popular? Did we just forget about all the blatant -phobias & -isms in that Harry Potter game (lots of fantasy settings have greedy goblins, but.. the goblin artifact looking exactly like a Jewish horn, being dated during a Jewish tragedy, and having a particular cheese in it is one too many coincidences..) for the Steam Deck category, for which it doesn't perform good in either?

Although that franchise does have enough fans that it could have been them voting for it simply "because", at least..

Atomic Heart does fit it's category, but it may or may not have issues as well, which I'm not delving further into. Yong focuses on the insanity behind the RDR2 choice himself, and Baldur's Gate III did win what it was supposed to, fortunately. I think Starfield, unlike the others, should send a message to Bethesda about how they NEED to make it right, which they were already working on before this. To "win" this category is not an honor, it's a cone of shame. They had one placed on them after Fallout 76 and fixed it, so now they need to do so again, lest they get neutered..

So, that's about it, cya.

[atonalginger]

WIP Wed

This is from fairly early on in my starborn fic. The introduction of Starborn Sam and Goose.

TW: Explicit language, general aggressive behavior you'd expect from Crimson Fleet pirates. There is also some kissy handsy stuff but its basic PDA stuff.

“Hey Ashta, got a message from Nyx over in Ebbside: there’s a pastel vixen looking to speak with the brains on the Eye.” A teenage boy with a faded yellow mohawk flopped in his face called over to a tall man working with the tracker alliance terminal.

Sam tapped the confirmation button with enough force to leave a hairline crack on the screen. He turned his masked face to the boy, “Say that louder, I don’t think the Zoner in the DJ booth upstairs heard you.”

The kid flinched and held out a slate, “sorry, Boss. I didn’t mean…it’s just…”

“Music is too loud,” Sam nodded and took the slate, “How does anyone know about them?”

The kid shrugged dramatically while watching the foot traffic out on the boardwalk, “Nyx didn’t say, just that she’s got skills Delgado will want and is fucking hot.”

Sam reached out and swatted the back of the kid’s head with the slate, “What’d we talk about, Goose?”

“Nyx said it!” Goose ducked and bounced onto the wall. He crossed his arms and looked like he was pouting, “and he’s not wrong.” Sam looked over the slate. Goose was right, those were some of Nyx’s words. This Atomic Autumn was a newcomer to Neon, not that you could tell with how she worked. Successfully broke into the Ryujin building and stole a stack of company secrets for nothing more than contact information on Constellation. And fucking hot, if you could forgive the pastel pink hair.

Master spook huh? he handed the slate back to Goose. Why did that sound familiar, “What do you mean he’s not wrong?”

“She reached out a hour ago. I left a drop near the bronze Bayu for her. She’s there now. Got some Freestar captain with her.” Goose jabbed his thumb at the statue while still leaned on the wall, “lucky guy.”

He looked out at the statue. The captain was Commander Shepard. Delgado had him on a list of Captains to leave be if fleet ships crossed him in Narion. Shepard’s tiny fleet was the only thing left patrolling the system. If he was here then something had happened. Delgado would need to be informed. Shepard was leaned against the guardrail with his eyes glued to the ass of a pink haired woman. Her hair obscured her face as she looked over the slate Goose left behind.

The woman held out the slate to Shepard and he looked it over, chewing his lower lip. She took a step closer and one of Shepard’s arms snatched her hip and pulled her into him, his hand grabbing her rear before she pushed away, laughing loud enough to be heard all the way back where Sam and Goose stood. The flirty pair shared glances and then she turned away, her hair flipping into Shepard face.

Everything froze. Ashta’s stomach dropped. His heart burned. No, he thought, that’s impossible.

Shepard pushed off the railing, the slate held out for her while his free hand snaked around her. He nuzzled his nose into her neck, her hair seemed to swallow his head. Sam balled his fists. He screamed in his head Get your hands off her!

“I gave her a couple of simple jobs here on Neon.” Goose said, unaware of his Boss’s rage, “she said her ship gets too much attention to run jobs out in the starfield. I ran her name in the spaceport registry and she’s got one like yours. You know, the one parked on Ice?”

That explained it. Starborn. But how? Why? His Lila regularly said she didn’t want to go. Her sweet voice filled his head, Going to unity feels like running away from our problems. There is still so much to see and do here in our universe. So much we can change for the better.

Shepard pulled the pink haired Lila in close and kissed her. He dipped her slightly, her arms wrapped around his neck. There was a neediness in the motions, a longing, a hunger. Sam’s blood boiled.

“Boss?” Goose was now standing closer to him. He hadn’t seen the boy move, “Did you hear me? Estelle sent a reply, she wants to meet in the underbelly.”

Sam didn’t move. He watched the pair shuffle off toward the Volii Hotel. Shepard’s hand was firmly planted on her ass and she had an arm wrapped around his middle. He wanted to fight but why? That wasn’t his Lila anymore than the damn Emissary was all those universes ago. Just a starborn doppleganger. Yet he was pissed. Why did the universe do this? What had he done do deserve such taunting? And what did that fucking Freestar captain do to deserve her? What had Sam done to deserve her in the first place? Who was he to be so wrathful?

“Ashta?” Goose was now standing in front of him. The kid looked ready to dodge.

“Underbelly, I heard you. Can’t wait to hear the excuse for why Estelle wants to meet in the stinkiest level of Neon.”

Goose leaned in and whispered, “Bayu has another bounty out on her.”

“Not my fucking problem.” Sam shooed the teen back and pointed for him to move.

[booburry]

Echoes in Time Chapter 5: Drifting in Space

Chapter Summary: Sam and Mallory find themselves in a precarious situation when they wake, only for it to get worse with the arrival of Lillian.

WC: 8,141

CW: Fictional Violence, Death, Emotional Angst

A/N: Please remember that I love you all. Also, I just wanted to share this piece of music as I found it absolutely beautiful and I wrote the last third of the chapter with this piece. I just feel like it adds to that part if you care to indulge.

https://spotify.link/BJBPF6T6GDb

Mallory felt herself smile as she drifted in her dreams, enwrapped in the familiar black sea she always floated down. Surrounded by the faint flickers of white lights, now with swirls of cosmic dust coming in and out of focus. It was beautiful and peaceful, the symphony of sounds vibrating through her body.

It calmed her and kept her feeling safe. Yet, slowly, she started to realize that the sounds were getting louder, the vibrations harder as if to force her from this place.

Mallory’s eyes shot open to realize that she was still on Sam’s ship, they were still lying on the floor, Sam’s arms still cradling her against him...Sam lightly snoring.

A loud crackle filled the cockpit as, slowly, a large red ship came into view overhead of them.

“I don’t think there’s anyone in there, boss.” A strange voice spoke to her, Mallory shoved Sam harshly in response, immediately waking him. He shot her a glance, initially upset with the harsh disruption to his slumber, before he quickly heard and saw what Mallory did. His lips pursed, freezing for a moment but Mallory saw him thinking, calculating the position they were in and what they were up against.

With a pit in her stomach, Mallory seriously wished she had allowed Sam to push her for pilot and weapon training sooner. She had been stubborn thinking that she wouldn’t need it, that she would always be ‘planetside’—as Sam liked to call it.

Now she was the opposite of that. Aside from the large ship that slowly sailed past them, she spotted at least two other vessels flying around in the distance and assumed they were more unfriendly ships.

“Seems strange to just have a hunk of junk like that floating out here.” Another voice came over their comms. “Hey!” It yelled out. “If anyone’s alive in there, we just want to help.” The rough, menacing, voice elongated the ‘e’ within the word help, as if to mock the very concept.

Mallory looked to Sam for direction, panic growing in her eyes.

He calmly brought a finger to his lips to let her know they needed to stay silent. He then pointed to her and then behind her, Mallory following his direction to see the spacesuit Sam had used when teaching her. She looked back at him with a nod, Mallory trying to flinch a smile but she couldn’t—she was utterly terrified.

Yet, staring at Sam as he managed to stay calm, to watch her steadily, she found herself becoming grounded. She may be incapable of handling what was in front of her, but he wasn’t.

Thatmade her smile, genuinely, before Sam nodded to signal it was ‘go time’. Slowly they crept to their destinations, Mallory to the suit and Sam to the pilot seat. Mallory turned to watch him as she started to complete her assignment.

She had only ever seen Sam Coe as the dad, the teacher, the worried protector, the awkward and dorky cowboy but never...never like this. The way he leapt into his chair, immediately powering up the ship before she could even hear the voice over the comms react.

“Woah, it’s powering up boss!” The first voice said.

“I can see that!” The menacing one growled. Mallory heard Sam darkly chuckle.

“You guys picked the wrong ship.” He threatened them before shutting off their comms, boosting them forward and sending them into the nearby asteroid field. It was like he was one with the ship, his body slightly shifting with every motion they went, rolling them effortlessly to avoid oncoming artillery fire. She watched as one of the ships came into their sights, Sam leaning forward. “I got you...” He muttered before Mallory saw two missiles shoot past them overhead and collide with the front of the enemy ship.

Sam soared past the enemy, letting out an adrenaline-filled ‘Woo!’ as Mallory saw the glass of the enemy’s cockpit blasted open, bodies floating out into space. She had never seen such grim imagery before, but she had to imagine this was to be expected in spacecraft battles in, well...space.

“Hey, when you’re done, I will need you up here.” Sam called out to her, Mallory suddenly being pulled back from being captivated by Sam’s abilities and piloting prowess. In the time it took her to fully suit up, Sam had maneuvered through the asteroid field and taken out two more ships—which meant there was only one left, the big one.

She moved up and into the co-pilot seat, the chair automatically moving her forward while the dashboard moved towards her.

“Put your hands on the throttles.” Sam told calmly her, Mallory looked over at him quickly to see him nod down to his hands, to show her what he meant. He waited a moment after she did. “Good, now—” He sent them into a barrel roll to avoid a floating piece of debris.

Mallory felt that as Sam applied thrusters to move and turn the ship, her hands moved with him. The buttons that he pressed became highlighted on the dash in front of her.

Mallory smiled, quickly realizing that this must be how he taught Cora to fly—and what he had to do with her right now. Rolling up her imaginary sleeves, Mallory dialled in on everything Sam was doing, letting her hands move with his, watching how that correlated with the movement of the ship.

Something about the motions started to feel rhythmic to her, fluid like a dance but calculated like an equation. Thankfully, with a few more elegant moves from Sam, Mallory felt like she was getting the hang of it.

That was until she felt the ship jolt forward and something red pop up on her screen.

“Shit—that’s an engine out...” Sam muttered, his hand immediately flipping to his dash. “I need you to take control Mallory, we won’t be able to outrun them anymore.” He immediately left the controls, the ship slowing as Mallory let panic take her for a moment before Sam demanded her back into the present. “Mallory!” He called at her, snapping her back as she brought them into a nose dive to get away from the ship on their rear.

“What does this mean, Sam?” She called out, trying to think through the knot in her stomach and the sweat building within her temperature-regulated suit.

“Stay focused and keep them at least 100 meters away—their weapons are powerful but only in close range.” He called from the back of the ship, Mallory faintly hearing him rushing to grab light to heavy objects.

He made it sound so goddamn easy.

Mallory clenched her jaw as she tried to replicate the rhythm that Sam had driven this ship in, but with an engine down and him no longer being a guiding hand, it was impossible. The only thing going for her was, or at least Mallory thought and assumed, her movements were so irregular that they must be doing something to their benefit.

“How much longer Sam? I don’t think I—”

“Yes, you can.” He called back to her, not letting her finish a thought of self-doubt. “Give me a few more minutes, you can do this.” His words brought with them a warmth to her senses, giving her courage and determination. A buzzing filled Mallory’s ears, travelling down into her arms, hands and fingers—a feeling of knowledge and trust in her ability taking over any other thought that may have been present.

In a flourish of movements, Mallory shifted the power balance of the ship. She removed enough energy from their grav systems to ensure they weren’t floating. Then from one of their weapons, as she knew they only needed two; one to break through the shields before they regen, and another to make them sitting ducks.

She purposefully slowed down, baiting the enemy, watching her sensor to know when they would exactly be in range—the vibrations in her body and ears growing more intense that she almost didn’t hear Sam call out to her.

“Mallory? What are you doing?” He asked, not sounding so calm anymore. Mallory continued to route power within the system, this time from the shields to max out the engine and put the rest into the two weapons.

“I can do this, remember?” She called out to him, a smirk present on her lips as she felt a rush of what can only be described as...a sudden gain of ability.

Then she got the ping she wanted.

Sam and Mallory heard the sound that they were being locked onto—the next thing she wanted.

Mallory moved as one with the ship, dipping down, rolling to the side before looping upwards to be perfectly behind the large ship, their weapons already locking onto their engines.

“Holy sh—” She heard Sam mutter from behind her.

The green light popped up on her dash “LOCKED”, and she immediately let loose. She watched for the ship's shields to shimmer with each blast, timing it perfectly so that the first missile would hit the engine right as the shields fell.

Just like a calculated dance. Mallory thought to herself, yet it oddly did not feel like her thought, nor did this feel like her flying...and as that idea started to enter her mind, the buzzing faded and she seemed to return to the moment.

“What—”

“Quickly, dock them.” Sam called out to Mallory as she tried to regain her focus, the world around her going fuzzy for a moment as if she was trying to remember who she was, or where. “Mallory?” This time he called out to her with concern, causing her to scrunch her face together before refocusing on the dash in front of her.

She felt clumsy as she second-guessed which button was for the auto-dock. She finally decided on one when Sam’s finger moved into her vision, seamlessly setting the commands.

“What happened?” He asked her, pushing away the dash and forcing her chair to move backwards.

“I...I don’t know.” Mallory stammered, wanting to focus on what came over her but she knew there was a threat ahead of them, but it was hard. She felt Sam grab her by the shoulders, forcing her eyes onto him, his voice now coming to her through the comms.

“Just a little longer, okay?” He encouraged her but Mallory could sense the tension from what he saw—what she did—and Mallory felt that tension inside of her too. “I left a pistol and a shotgun out for you...and some frostwolf if things get bad.”

“Why would things get bad? You’ll be with me...” Mallory’s voice tapered off as she heard him sigh, noting how much more these helmets picked up with audio, “right?”

“You’ll stay here.” He told her, Mallory taking a defensive stance as their ship came under the enemies. They were moments away from connecting. “We don’t have time to argue, Mallory—please. Do you trust me?” He asked her a question he should already know the answer to.

“Of course.” She told him.

“Good—now are you ready?”

“If you mean am I equipped? Yes. If you mean have I ever shot a gun before? No…”

“Simple.” Sam said as Mallory heard the hissing of gears and pistons moving on the outside of the ship—they were finally docking. “Breath, aim and finger on the side until you pull the trigger. When one weapon runs out, use the other. Just stay here and protect yourself if one manages to get by.”

Mallory heard his words yet there was a loud ringing that started entering her ears.

“I believe in you.” Sam continued, taking a few tiny steps towards her. “You can do this, I promise we will get out of here safely, alright?” Mallory nodded, embracing his words and presence instead of that pestering voice inside. She took a deep breath as she felt her fears disappear; an odd feeling she didn’t have the luxury to dwell on.

There was a final hiss as the docking was complete, Sam giving a firm nod and rushing past Mallory, his rifle drawn. Seeing that door open to see another ship sent adrenaline coursing through her body, her finger pressed firmly against the side of her shotgun. She watched as Sam effortlessly brought two Crimson Fleet members down and continued to sweep the room and out of her view.

Mallory remembered he told her to hide, to take cover, but there was something immediately unsettling for her when he went out of view. It also, curiously enough, wasn’t a sense of panic that unsettled her, it was something more...Mallory wasn’t sure what that was exactly, or describe it.

It felt both foreign yet familiar, as if she could anticipate what was happening without knowing her surroundings.

She looked back at the frostwolf he had left behind for her, ‘just in case’. She placed her shotgun behind her body, ready to grab it but sensing she needed to look back.

A door opened outwards into the room Sam was still in.

Perhaps it was the adrenaline, the sudden and real danger Sam could be in, or that sixth sense she was experiencing, but Mallory acted without hesitation or fear. It was just like when she had maneuvered the ship expertly, the buzzing in her ear transitioned into that familiar, unsettling, hum.

Mallory drew her pistol, held her arms straight and with two shots to the head the man dropped dead, the feeling inside of her leaving as quickly as it came.

Mallory stared at the body, just long enough to accept that she had just killed a person and noted that it felt different from the ones she saw floating in space. However, seeing Sam round the corner in a hurry to see, to his shock, what she had managed to pull off, brought Mallory out of her thoughts and distress.

He was about to say something until his head turned to look into the room that the dead man had come from. He let go a good amount of bullets, pausing a short moment before quickly looking at Mallory and nodding his head at her.

“Come on.” He told her, his voice filling the inside of her helmet with a slight crackle. “There should only be a few more.” Mallory nodded, not saying anything while she cautiously walked forward, ensuring that she stayed hypervigilant with their surroundings.

Sam moved to the other side of the doorway, leaving space for her to take cover at the end of the corridor she walked down. She mimicked how Sam leaned his back against the wall, and once she was in position, he swung out and into the next room.

Mallory heard bullets firing and moved to provide some cover.

“Shit.” Sam’s voice came through the comms, Mallory looked to see where he was and noticed it seemed something in his rifle jammed. Now she was scared, nothing to help her, no sounds filling her sense.

No sounds. Mallory immediately thought, bravely moving into the room and catching an enemy by surprise. She released six shots, wishing to ensure he wouldn’t live but her aim was less accurate and her bullets wider spread this time around.

Still, she was sure she hit him at least twice, and he went down with a loud groan.

Quickly, Sam tossed his rifle aside only to grab one from the closest dead body, shooting the crippled enemy Mallory had shot in one swift motion. Sam stood up, giving Mallory a glance she couldn’t discern.

“You okay?” He asked her, slightly out of breath. She just nodded, Sam returning the same gesture before leading the way further into the ship. Before they got to the end, there was a loud hiss as a door opened and two suits filled the room, Sam and Mallory opening fire without reservation until they both dropped. “That should be it, but be careful. Stay behind.” He called out to her, Mallory unable to prevent a smile at how persistent he was with keeping her safe despite her having saved his ass twice already. “You like that?” He quipped, obviously having heard her exhale when she smiled.

“Keep your eyes peeled, cowboy.” Mallory teased back as they both cleared the last room before the cockpit.

“Alright, darlin’” He purred back at her, holding up to his threat from last night. Sam approached the door and opened it, immediately taking down the remaining enemy—most likely the captain of the ship.

Mallory felt herself let out the last small breath she had been holding onto this entire time. Sam turned to look at her, a proud and bewildered smile spreading across his face.

“I’m shocked at how well you did—are you sure you haven’t done this before? Not yanking my chain?”

“You don’t have a chain to yank—” Mallory started with her sarcasm before lightly recoiling at the look Sam gave her, reminding her that they had already gone over the unnecessary need to hide from him. “Promise you I haven’t. I...I don’t—”

“Fuck.” Sam muttered, his attention immediately on something behind Mallory. “Fucking, fuck!” He exclaimed as he rushed past Mallory. “God damnit it!!” He roared.

“What?” Mallory called out, not seeing or hearing what Sam was suddenly panicking and furious about.

“They sent out a distress call. They’ll be here—” Before he could finish his sentence they both heard the sound of ships—many ships—entering the space around them. They both rushed to the cockpit to see at least 8 Crimson Fleet ships in front of them, with god knows how many on their way. “She better hurry up.”

Mallory was about to ask who ‘she’ was until more ships jumped into their area...except these weren’t Crimson Fleet.

“Mark which is yours, Sam.” A southern woman’s voice spoke into the speakers of the cockpit.

“Easy.” Sam said to himself as he, once again, sat in the pilot’s seat and managed to take off just as the others started shooting at them. “Buckle up, Mallory.” He told her, however, she immediately noticed a shift in tone—he was all business and no play.

Mallory, as she secured herself, had a sick feeling growing within her at whoexactly this woman was. It made her feel worse to know she was about to be indebted to her. She felt her mind fade, her thoughts putting her elsewhere as she was terrified to meet Lillian Hart for many reasons.

She was the ex-person—as Mallory wasn’t entirely sure if they had been married or just partners—of the man she was, ill-advisedly, growing attached to.

She was the ‘mother’ who had brought Cora to such heartbreaking tears that she would never be able to forget.

And Mallory was petrified she wouldn’t be able to hold back her distaste for the person who just saved both of them from certain death. She knew she had to be cordial to an abuser and it made her violently ill.

Or perhaps that was the adrenaline.

Mallory was only pulled from her spinning thoughts when a large hand gave her shoulder a soft and gentle squeeze. She looked up to see Sam looking terribly distressed and depressed.

“Come, let’s go. She just docked.” Mallory’s face scrunched, at the pain she felt seeing and hearing his sadness, and at the confusion of how she managed to dock where his ship had been. Sam’s eyebrows pinched as he looked at the ground. He knew what she was asking “I had to, uh...I had to use it to save us. Our ship’s...gone.”

Mallory stood up and immediately, without hesitation, hugged Sam. He slowly wrapped his arms around her, allowing her to feel how much he was trembling, until his arms snapped back to his sides.

“Aww, isn’t that nice.” Mallory heard a southern woman’s voice from behind her. “I’m out here risking my life while you two are in here canoodling.”

“It’s not—” Sam was quick to reply, Mallory fixated on hearing and seeing his complete shift of self.

“It’s fine Sam,” Lillian informed them, her voice like nails on a chalkboard to Mallory, “let’s just get you back to our daughter, hmn?” Mallory saw how deflated the man became at the obvious insult and layers of undertone the woman’s voice carried. She felt her jaw set before she even managed to turn and look at her.

Yet Lillian was staring intently at Mallory, pausing a moment to lock eyes with her before turning away with a faint look of distaste. Sam seemed to take note of that exchange, Mallory seeing his lips purse, his fists clench, but he said nothing.

Lillian walked back to the docking hatch, Sam following with Mallory trailing behind a good distance. She stayed silent as they boarded Lillian’s ship and took the first seat she could while Lillian continued to lead a crusade with Sam behind towards the cockpit.

It wasn’t difficult, by any means, to hear anything that they were saying. Mallory tried to ignore it, which was a much more difficult task once they started raising their voices.

“What has gotten into you Sam?” Lillian demanded to know, her sweet southern voice turning sour.

“I told you that I didn’t meanto leave Cora, okay? I know what I did was stupid, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep—”

“It’s that woman, ain’t it? The one Cora keeps telling me about—she’s an issue, Sam. Making you act reckless again.”

“I know, I know.” There was a short pause, Mallory instinctively knowing Sam was taking one, or a few, deep breaths. “But it’s not like last time, not like how you found me.”

“I don’t know about that. Here I am, finding you again.”

“I just—I can’t do this right now.”

“Keep her away from my kid, Sam!” Lillian yelled out, it being evident to Mallory that she did not care that—or possibly even wanted—Mallory to hear her words. Words that, seemingly, pushed her last ‘I will stay polite’ button.

It was enough for Mallory to see the way Sam reacted around Lillian.

It was enough for Mallory to see and hear how hurt Cora was by her absent mother.

But it was too much to hear that selfish, self-centred, bitch tell Sam to take away someone who helped, not hindered, her kid.

“What kind of fucking parent are you?” Mallory spoke out loud as her anger could no longer be contained within herself, and even though she managed to keep her voice low and level—it seemingly travelled.

“What did you say?” Lillian demanded in a cold, flat, tone. Mallory stood up, feeling herself facing down a beast as Lillian pushed past Sam to rush into the room Mallory was in. The two women stared at each other, akin to an old western showdown—just without the tumbleweed and the background music.

“It’s pretty evident you heard me.” Mallory chided back, making a point to not give Lillian what she wanted, knowing it would drive a control freak like her deeper into her madness.

And it did.

Mallory swore she saw violence flash across her face, Lillian’s hand twitching toward her belt before Sam snatched her arm and held it in place.

“Stop, Mallory. It’s not helping and...” Sam sighed heavily, pained, as he let Lillian’s arm go. “You overstep.” He informed her, yet he couldn’t even look at her as he said it or after. He just turned and walked back into the room he had come from—defeated.

Lillian just smirked at Mallory with some sick, twisted, sense of victory.

The ship was as silent as a grave for the majority of the ride back to New Atlantis. Sam stayed where he went after speaking his hurtful and cowardly words. Mallory sitting where she was so that she could get off the ship as soon as possible, and Lillian was wherever the fuck she was—Mallory was trying not to think about that one.

She was really trying to not think of anything at all.

But Sam’s voice rang over and over in her mind. Telling her that she overstepped with her brain then creating further hurtful things from there.

She did not understand why he had said that. Mallory understands that she isn’t Cora’s parent, and she isn’t asking to be, but she also knows how much Sam loves how much she cares for her.

Also, she kept on circling back to why Sam grabbed Lillian’s arm—what was she reaching for that he needed to stop? Surely she wasn’t going to shoot Mallory for her single comment. Was that woman really that unhinged?

Mallory was so consumed with her thoughts that she didn’t notice Lillian having entered the room she was in until the woman sat across from her. Mallory looked up, her expression blank as she anticipated anything to happen.

Lillian just smiled and then relaxed by leaning her body against the back of her chair.

“Can we be cordial, Mallory?” Lillian asked with a false sweetness and innocence. Mallory just shook her head, leaning her forearms onto her thighs only to sigh as she looked at the floor.

“I think that will entirely depend on you, Lillian.” Mallory replied, most of her words meeting the floor until she spoke the woman’s name and finally met her gaze. She saw the flash of anger cross her face. Mallory provided a firm and fixed smile. “I, honestly, wouldn’t count on it though.”

“And why, exactly, is that?”

“Because I know the type of person you are, and I will never be able to look past that. You will never stop hurting two people I, so happen to, deeply care for.”

“You don’t know me at all.” Lillian stated, a familiar false southern charm laced between her words. “I mean,” she huffed a confident and pretentious laugh, “I’m sure Sam has told you a lot about me, but not all of it, so go ahead and ask. Maybe then we can be allies instead of enemies.” Lillian falsely invited a hand of friendship when Mallory knew she made her statement for the threat, but she wasn’t going to back down from any bully. She was too old to be a doormat.

“He actually avoids talking about you as much as he can.” Mallory spoke quickly, a slight smugness etched into her speech. “Cora doesn’t say much either...nothing good anyways. Quite honestly, Lillian, I had no idea of your name or that Cora’s mother was alive for the first few weeks of knowing them.” Mallory smiled, unable to stop her enjoyment of seeing Lillian face someone who wasn’t going to back down. “And I spent every day with them. Well...actually, I guess I have spent every day with them since I came to this time. Huh...” Lillian saw right through Mallory’s attempt at acting koi, but Mallory didn’t entirely care as she stuck her own verbal knife into the woman’s side.

“You think a tramp like you can wedge into our life and take away what we have?” Lillian hissed as she lashed out with her venom and anger. Mallory’s expression went blank, finding it hard to imagine Sam ever caring about something like her.

“It’s crazy to me to fathom how far you have dug your claws into that man for him to not see you for who you are.” Mallory absent-mindedly commented, obviously still trying to figure out this problem.

“Oh, and what is that? Who am I?” She barked, as she stood up, widening her stands to try to give herself an intimidating look.

“Heartless.” Mallory simply said, fully expecting, at this point, to get shot.

“Will you two, for the love of god, stop?” Sam’s voice boomed, from the other end of the room, begging them. “Otherwise, so help me, I will put myself in the airlock and send myself into space.” Lillian and Mallory glared at each other before Lillian started to walk away, muttering some nonsense about having to get ready to land. Sam just stood where he was, watching Lillian go with a twist of emotions before looking towards Mallory. He showed no emotion towards her, nothing.

If how he looked at her could be summed up into words, as Mallory felt Sam was trying to do, it would be ‘I thought I told you to stop’.

It felt heartbreaking to Mallory to see how he managed to keep defending that woman, and it made Mallory’s next decision easy for her—or so she convinced herself.

“And here I thought I would enjoy two women fighting over me...” Sam muttered as he walked out of the room and towards where Lillian went. Mallory was, unfortunately, too pissed off at the feeling of rejection and loss, to laugh at his sarcastic humour.

--x--

The last portion of the flight, specifically after Sam had yelled at the two women on the ship, was extremely tense.

The moment the words left his mouth, Sam regretted them.

But did Mallory really have to dig into the person who had just saved them? Maybe it wasn’t on her mind, but Sam couldn’t stop thinking about what would have happened if Lillian hadn’t shown up. Sam would have lost Mallory.

Cora would have lost her father.

The thought of leaving his daughter alone in this universe brought a deep amount of shame and guilt, filling his body as it normally did, seeping out from his head and down into his heart.

On top of that, he heard Lillian’s logical words in his head, how he couldn’t pursue someone like Mallory, someone who was meant to leave, and that it was highly hypocritical of him to be mad at Lillian for not being around when he was willing, and wanting, to engage with a woman who they knew wasn’t going to stay around.

Sure, Sam wanted her to stay and, thought he could convince her to do that or find a way to prove Mallory didn’t have to. Was that so wrong?

Well...Lillian thought so.

And she was right.

Who was he to prove such a thing? They didn’t even know what brought Mallory here in the first place! Those artifacts? Fat chance he will be the one to crack those.

No...Sam had to remind himself to stay in his lane. To put Cora first, above all, and make sure she had the small amount of stability he could provide her. That was the thought that circled in his head, consuming his ability to perceive the present moment, until he felt the ship land down and the hiss of the landing bay opening.

Immediately Sam stood up from his frozen position at the sudden thought and realization that Mallory would probably be looking to leave the ship as soon as possible. He practically ran to the other room before he heard Lillian call after him.

“Off to see our daughter in such a hurry? My, maybe you are the father you claim to be.” Sam’s expression bore nothing but fury as he stared at the spot Mallory had been in, the spot she most likely had vacated immediately, a spot she was now long gone from—especially because he knew Lillian would expect a response. “Cat caught your—”

“You are so spiteful.” Sam hissed at her, spinning around immediately to face down his ex-wife. Sam opened his mouth to spit more venomous words until he heard the voice of his sweet daughter.

“Dad?” His heart sunk at that tone. He knew his daughter well enough to understand she wasn’t greeting him but asking why they were returning on her mother’s ship...not theirs.

“Hey, gumdrop.” Sam greeted, forcing himself to wash away his other emotions. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“You didn’t, everyone said you and ‘Lee’ needed some time...” Sam saw Cora shoot a gaze at her mom with a smile before looking back at him. He couldn’t help but smile at how bright his daughter was and how she continued to surprise him every day. “But...where’s our ship?”

“Yeah...about that—”

“Your father was acting recklessly, darlin’. Your ship was unfortunate collateral.”

“Oh...” Sam’s heart tore at the sound before pulling out the photos and her fabled stamp of approval from his jacket.

“I managed to grab these for you...just in case.” Cora’s sadness faded as she began to smile brightly.

“You are the best dad ever!” Cora exclaimed, taking the items in a hurry and running past Sam to hug her mother. “Hi, Mom.” She said softly, Lillian hugging Cora but looking at Sam with the bitterness he had grown to know.

It was weird, when he thought about it, how different this meeting with her was. I mean, it was always tense and Lillian or Sam were bound to pop-off but he never felt this much distaste for her. He never felt on edge by her hugging Cora—he used to live for those moments.

He didn’t even have to think to know why he felt this way, he just found it strange that a single woman could change his perspective so quickly.

A woman that he knew he hurt, he knew he said things to her that he shouldn’t have, that directly conflicted with the truths he had told her last night. Sam sighed as he felt a headache come on, he had to try to figure out how to fix this with Mallory.

He needed to.

“Cora, we should—”

“Mom’s coming with us!” Cora exclaimed, cutting Sam off from trying to tell Cora they were to return to the lodge.

“Uh...coming where?” Sam felt his mind go blank as he stared at Lillian, her face cold as stone until he saw a twinge of a smirk.

“Y’all always talk so highly of Constellation...I figured I was overdue for a visit.” She said with a smile but Sam just felt his blood boil. Of course, she would tell this idea to Cora first instead of him. That way, if he had to put his foot down, he would be the bad guy stopping them from being together, not Lillian.

Cora bolted from the ship, yelling about all the places she was going to show her, all the people of Constellation she was going to meet. Sam just shot daggers at his ex as she slowly walked by, seeming and looking victorious.

--xx--

Mallory arrived at The Lodge in record time, managing to only get turned around once. Immediately she called out for Walter and Sarah, her voice uncharacteristically filling the entire place. With an almost panicked urgency, they both ran to the railings above the library. She looked at Walter first.

“We need to set plans for the interview to happen, I assume I can make the plan for execution and preparation and you can hire the men to do it?” Walter frowned in thought before giving a casual nod and shrugging.

“Might have to put it through a shell company...” He muttered to himself but Mallory didn’t hear him. She was already looking at Sarah.

“You need to go to Mars?” She asked her.

“Shouldn’t you be here for the—”

“Nope! Want to be as far from here as possible actually. Walter is a savvy businessman, he’s got this figured out.” Mallory walked out of the library and started to ascend the stairs, only briefly flashing a worried glance towards the door—Mallory gulping in a lungful of air to push down her overwhelming need to cry.

She needed to get out of this place, it was no longer safe—no longer a home.

That thought only brought a whip of pain as her mind, horribly, reminded herself of what Sam had promised her just the other night, as he had held her tightly against his chest: ‘...you will always have a home here. At the Lodge or...even here with Cora and I.’

Mallory felt her chest lurch forward at the pain it caused. To have opened up, to have hoped for a moment that she had found something that brought her happiness, peace...it was never something she allowed. But with him, she had felt—

It doesn’t matter. Mallory told herself, forcing her mind and feelings from spiralling out of control.

She rushed past Sarah and Walter, her forearm covering half of her face in a desperate attempt to hide her emotions and the tears that were pooling at the bottom of her eyes.

Because it was too late. Because it very well did matter.

It mattered a whole damn lot and Mallory fucking hated that it did.

She tore into herself in a quiet fury, saying no words, speaking no sounds, but if anyone were to look at her expression they would see a person wracked with pain, a person who had continuously been tortured by hope—always left to lose it.

One sob broke free from Mallory as she closed her bedroom door, her vision blurry, her shoulders sunken between shakes.

She stood there for a long while, long enough for her to lose the concept of the time that passed, as her mind went blank with pain and loss, her mind forcing her to relive every worst moment at once—the memories ripping a chasm of pain within her chest.

Mallory wanted to scream, to lash out at whatever was nearest, to make something feel as she did, in hopes that it would somehow help. But it was only silent tears that rolled down her cheeks—the same ones Sam had lovingly stroked. Mallory pressed her eyes together as her brain, cruel as always, forced her to remember the touch, the sensation and the feeling of acceptance that had come along with it.

The way he had looked at her, the way he had told her that he accepted her the way she was.

Why! She screamed to herself, her face scrunching in hopes that It would throw those memories away, but it only brought more loss...more pain. I have to get out of here. I have to get back, I just have to get back home. I can’t—a sob broke Mallory’s thoughts at the idea of leaving Sam, or Cora, but she had to.

She just...had to.

Finally feeling like she could collect herself, Mallory took a deep, shaken, breath and moved around her room to collect the few things she would want for a prolonged travel. Although she didn’t entirely have much...just the clothes she had bought with Sam.

The thought of him again brought back the flash of the last time she had been here, in this room, with him. Her mouth contorted and flinched as every time she wanted to smile at the memory, the enjoyment of it, it just made her want to cry. She tried to force her mind from that moment by realizing how her room had been cleaned since that incident.

However, she wished she had just kept her mind on the memory.

Laying on the bedside table closest to the door was Sam’s necklace, along with a handwritten note that Mallory automatically recognized the paper from one of Cora’s notebooks, with the scripture also being hers.

Every fibre of her body froze, her hand physically snatching to her chest as she felt her breath still. She told herself to run, to leave now, to not look but...it was Cora, and the kid hadn’t broken her heart—her Father did.

Reluctantly Mallory approached the note, her fingers trembling as she grabbed to note with one hand and absently grabbed the necklace with the other, the fossil resting in her palm. As she read the words that were written, Mallory pulled the necklace to her chest only to press it firmly against where it always hung. No matter how emotionally stable she had been, before this moment or even before entering the Lodge, she could have never been prepared to see what was written.

Mallory,

I found this in your room. I thought dad had lost it cause he does stuff like that. But it made me really happy to see he gave it to you cause he obviously cares a lot about you and I do too. It’s nice to see dad happy again, it’s been a long time since he has been. Just take care of him, okay?

And don’t tell him I wrote this. He’ll ground me for sure!!!!

Xoxo

Cora ‘Kiddo’ Coe

Tears immediately started blotting the ink and staining the paper, Mallory immediately pressed the letter against her chest as it began to tremble once again, bucking against her hands with every silent sob and rush of air shooting from her nostrils.

Once again she begged the question ‘why’ without having any answers.

But after reading that note, that small sliver of hope weaselled its way into her heart, breathing life into these words that Cora wrote, a small thought pressing forward in her mind that maybe she didn’t have to run.

Maybe when Sam got back to The Lodge he would explain, apologize and fix all of this. Because if Cora wrote this, and meant it, then how Sam felt of her was true—Cora knew her father best. There was no bigger form of hope.

Mallory felt a small smile crack through her bitterness, a lightness entering her body, her muscles relaxing and her pain ceasing. She placed the letter on the table and started to put the necklace around her neck when she heard the worst sound possible.

“Well, it ain’t actually half bad, Sam.” Lillian’s voice rang through the corridors, her volume loud and Mallory immediately knew, or at least assumed, that it was solely so she would hear her. That Mallory would know she was in this place, no doubt with Sam and Cora.

The bitterness and pain immediately returned as Mallory’s smile vanished into a thin, pursed, line. She tossed the necklace back onto the table in anger but immediately regretted it, hesitating to leave it—to leave the only memory she could have of them.

“Yeah...you can stay in my room for the night.” Mallory heard Sam say and she snapped.

--xx--

It had been enough for Sam that Lillian had held him back from the ship.

It had been enough for him when Lillian told Cora that she wanted to return to the Lodge to ‘see where they lived’.

But it was too much for him to see how happy it made Cora, as he immediately knew he was powerless to stop this without being the ‘reason’ for them to split up. But he couldn’t understand why Lillian was doing all of this.

She never cared about him and Cora, only passively or when it was convenient for her. There was nothing convenient about him calling her into a dogfight like that, there was absolutely nothing convenient about them having to fly back on her ship.

Seeing Cora skip further ahead and finally out of earshot gave Sam the chance to finally find out.

“What the hell this is all about?” Sam asked with a harsh whisper. Lillian just smiled while looking at Cora.

“What can I say, Sam...I’m having second thoughts.” That was...unexpected and took Sam back as he tried to decipher if she was being honest for once. Everything said she was. “Isn’t this what you always wanted? The three of us together? With both of us, Cora will be sure to be safe in space. We can—”

“Enough.” He harshly shut her down, her lie was good but...when she kept going on? Sam knew she was lying. He was sure her angle was Cora, trying to find a way to take her from him, using this last incident as the final reason he was too reckless to keep her.

But seeing how happily Cora skipped ahead of them, how she would turn back and smile brightly, giggle like she used to...damn. Sam couldn’t help but feel obliged to give his little girl even a slice of this.

Hell...maybe Lillian was being honest.

But then again, he didn’t want that. Not anymore.

God, he just needed to see Mallory. He needed to explain everything to her.

Sam felt his pace quicken as his focus was, once again, on Mallory—so much so that he didn’t see Lillian shoot a glance of daggers his way before keeping up with his pace.

Cora opened the door to The Lodge with a big ‘ta-da!’. Sam couldn’t help but smile at her when she acted more like the kid she is and less like the adult he was scared she was becoming too quickly. But that smile faded when Lillian wedged her way between Sam and the door—preventing him from entering.

Slowly she sauntered into the room, Cora excitedly rambling about all the small nooks within the place, but Sam just started walking up the stairs. Lillian suddenly hot on his heels.

“Well, it ain’t actually half bad, Sam.” She announced far too loudly, or maybe she was just already on his nerves. “Just give me a moment with your dad, sweetie.” She said to Cora, Sam feeling his eyes roll into the back of his head, growing impatient with Lillian constantly making plans for him.

“What?” He asked in a harsh whisper, snapping a guilty glance at Cora before forcing his posture to relax.

“I’ll need a place to rest my head after such an excursion. Figured you would know best.” She raised her eyebrows in the way she always did when she wanted something...specific from Sam. Something that he had, up until a few years ago, freely given her.

To think of how ‘hooked on Lillian’ he had been made him sick.

He didn’t want that anymore. Not for him, and not for Cora.

Sam just sighed, annoyed that he would have to think of another place to sleep for the night.

“Yeah...you can stay in my room for the night.” Sam’s voice was louder than anticipated due to his growing frustration. He just wanted to go see Mallory.

Hastefully, Sam showed Lillian to his room, almost pushing her into the door.

As he watched Lillian walk into his room, Sam was left wondering to himself what the hell he was doing, yet happy to finally get his ex off his back.

Sam turned with a smile, feeling elated that he could finally see the person he wanted to, only to see Mallory stop like a deer in headlights—his smile immediately falling flat.

Sam watched, stunned, as her body stiffened, her breath quickened, her eyes wide and shaking. He frowned as he could tell she had been crying...a lot. Sam felt his expression pinch with guilt as he knew he was the only person who caused that pain.

Stuck in his thoughts, Mallory broke free from her frozen frame to storm past him without looking at him or saying a word.

“Hey—” He tried to reach out to her but she just swerved her body to stay out of reach.

“Enjoy your night with Lillian.” Mallory spat, her words riddled with the pain and anguish he had caused her. He didn’t mean...or want to. What he wanted was to desperately make it right, but as he was stuck in this thought, this panic, he was also watching her walk away.

“Mallory…” Sam hesitated before quickly stomping after her. “Mallory, wait!” He called out, his mind catching up to what was happening in front of him.

No way was he about to lose her.

But when Mallory spun around to finally stare at him, it told him how foolish he was to think so.

“Good-BYE Sam.” Her words forced a distance between them, but the way she looked at him solidified it. “I hope this decision doesn’t blow up in your face. She is here for you. Not the kid. She doesn’t want to lose her grip on you and you are just…” Mallory trailed off, giving Sam a look of disdain before turning around and shaking her head as she walked away from him and out of the Lodge.

He felt his chest cave in, horrified that he had been so stupid, so blind.

That he had caused the woman he came to love, dearly and vulnerably loved, enough pain for her to snap like that.

Like he had with Lillian...

That thought brought a wave of pain and horror for him.

It didn’t help how horrible and lost Sam felt at that moment when Sarah sauntered from her room towards where Mallory went, staring at Sam with a great amount of confusion and concern.

He had really fucked up.

And he hated himself for it.

[galaxy-jessie]

Summary of the 45 minute long interview with Todd regarding starfield:

No fishing

Procedurally generated content includes pre-built locations that will be generated when you land. An abandoned station for example will be generated only after you land on a planet, but the layout of that station is hand crafted. So expect 500+ identical dungeons

Such hand crafted content will not spawn as often, to give planets the feeling of desolation, to make you think you're the first person to ever land there and all you could really to is grind resources

Only 10% of planets actually have life on them, majority will be lifeless as are most planets we know about. So life itself will be pretty rare, scattered on only ≈100 out of "1000" planets

Some planets have only 1 biome. But that's probably related to already inhospitable planets. Can't have a biome if you have no biosphere

Planets with life do have multiple (says "few") biomes

You need to prepare before landing for environmental hazards, such as temperature, radiation and weather (think sand storms or icy winds)

You can get certain ilnesses / health problems (in direct we see "cough" and you can have multiple health issues but we weren't shown a lot of it)

"Planet traits" are mostly geological traits (likely related to just resource grind)

Surveying planets provides data. That data can be sold. The more you scan, the more money you'll receive. So you can earn for living just by scanning planets. Planet traits are included in this scanning

Aggressive animals can and, given the circumstances, will kill all other peaceful animals around

No land vehicles

You'll have to move around on foot or using a jetpack, which comes really handy on planets with lower gravity

Companions aren't mandatory / you can play the game solo without relying on companions, and certain character traits / skills help you with this specifically

There are multiple robot companions but Todd didn't want to share anything about them (so they're likely story relevant). "There is Vasco and something else"

Only constellation followers (4 of them) are romanceable and they have personal quests and affinity system (like in fallout 4). They're "more fleshed out" meaning other crew members you can hire are probably just generic npcs

If you don't like your companion anymore you can "leave them behind" or asign them to some middle of nowhere and forget about them or just leave them to some random outpost to farm materials for you

There are some "local radio stations" to tune

Todd doesn't think he'll be a good radio host

If you want to upgrade stolen ships, you must first pay to register them

Ship building / upgrading is reserved for late game, and it's very expensive

Todd didn't want to share what happens if you're scanned and caught with contraband

"Grav drive" is short for "graviton loop field array"

FTL works by bending space in front of you, like folding a paper and poking a hole through it

Volumetric fog and motion blur are a thing and it's one of the things that made the game locked to 30fps on consoles and Todd doesn't feel like removing those

Generic fetch quests are a thing obviously

Making outposts is for late game, it's expensive and requires some skills for advanced outposts (again like in fallout 4 with charisma perks). Supply lines between outposts is a thing

Outposts can generate revenue

When asked about black holes, he said he is "passing the question" so black holes will likely be very very relevant to the story

Vasco can't wear a hat :/

On a personal note:

I don't think the lack of land vehicles is a bad thing. From what we've seen, we're not supposed to stay on a planet for too long in one spot. So a vehicle for a small area we're expected to explore would be unnecessary. I mean, I see the reasoning not to include them, but I would've prefered if they were a vanilla thing

Radios are most definitely not going to be music stations like in fallout. They'll most likely be distress calls. That, and if bethesda feel generous, we'll get another silver shroud-esque quest

Lack of life forms isn't surprising. I mean, other than our planet we don't know about life anywhere in space. So only 10% of planets having life isn't that unrealistic

We certainly won't be clapping any alien cheeks, but I'm convinced that the game is about First contact. We have plenty of AAA games where humanity works with / against / for different alien races, but one about meeting aliens for the first time, I can't think of one

Black hole(s) will be extremely important, given how reluctant Todd was to talk about them

[prosopopeya]

2023 meme!

it's time

1. What did you do in 2023 that you’d never done before?

went to ireland.

got married again to the same person in ireland. (we finally had our originally planned ireland elopement.)

went to physical therapy

went to the gym and lifted weights (unrelated to the physical therapy)

took my husband to the er

saw death cab for cutie and postal service in concert!!

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don't like to make those so probably not. and also no.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon's aunt passed away, which was very sad and sudden. jimmy buffett also died. not close to me but a significant loss.

5. What countries did you visit? ireland! not a country but we visited my aunt and uncle in maryland and had a great time!

6. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023? i would like to get a new job that pays more with better benefits. but we'll see.

7. What date from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? same date as last year's meme, which is june 9. now it is the date where we got married in ireland. :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? working on healing my shoulder pain was pretty significant. also getting 69 bookmarks on a porn-centric fic of mine that's close to my heart. luckily i managed to catch it before it tipped over to 70.

9. What was your biggest failure? quitting going to the gym. i did genuinely enjoy it, but then i got that pinched nerve in my shoulder and the pain was pretty bad. i need to start it up again.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? yes, the pinched nerve in my shoulder. in ireland, i pinched my sciatic nerve and also nearly passed out from heat at the top of blarney castle. had a bad sinus infection when we came back and couldn't hear out of my ears very well for like a week.

11. What was the best thing you bought? the dress i wore to the ireland wedding.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? various tour guides and people in ireland who made our time there so awesome.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? i mean like most americans.

14. Where did most of your money go? wedding, travel, door dash, hotels. same as last year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? ireland, obviously. starfield, and then womp womp. heartstopper. death cab and postal service concert! seeing the eras tour by myself in the theater.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2023? olivia rodrigo's guts album. noah kahan. the eras tour concert.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? the same i think. ii. Older or wiser? both i think iii. Thinner or fatter? i reject this iv. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? talk to people, exercise.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? ordering door dash. but it's just so easy...

20. How will you be spending Christmas? we went to my mom's house this year. my brother broke up with his girlfriend (a good decision on his part) and she proceeded to start a barrage of threatening texts from different numbers that is continuing to this day.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? we watched candlenights and then took turns playing music in a joint spotify jam while he played powerwash simulator and i started working on some of my legos.

22. Did you fall in love in 2023? with the game coral island.

23. How many one-night stands? at this moment i have several games that i started and abandoned because something new came out: tears of the kingdom, red dead redemption 2, baldur's gate 3, starfield, octopath traveller 2. and i'm currently installing spiderman 2 to play that. i do want to go back and finish all these games but god. it's so much work.

24. What was your favorite TV program? heartstopper, probably. i feel like i don't really know what tv i watched this year. i did watch a bunch of sister wives to keep up with tiktok conversations, but i would not rank that a favorite.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? i wouldn't say i'm loving where i work right now. my now ex sister in law isn't high on my list of faves but hate is a strong word.

26. What was the best book you read? i did reread the horse girl au again so there's that. i read most of 91 whiskey. i investigated some a/b/o stuff just to give it a shot. i don't know how many actual books i read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? noah kahan.

28. What did you want and get? a new ipad, which was nice. powers johns lane, a new fave whiskey. married in ireland. 69 bookmarks. squishmallow. adhd diagnosis and medicine, which is going pretty good.

29. What did you want and not get? an interesting slime rancher 2 update. haunted chocolatier (jk concerned ape take your time).

30. What was your favorite film of this year? i saw everything everywhere all at once which was pretty great. i also saw the eras concert, the barbie movie, dungeons & dragons, the newest puss in boots movie. but there was a bit where i just watched a bunch of gay movies and i might have to give it to this english version of brokeback mountain that i enjoyed: god's own country.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i mostly sat around and bought myself presents and it was great. i turned 35.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? feeling like writing more often. <- last year's answer is still true.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023? comfy. comfort. comfortable things.

34. What kept you sane? quitting teaching <- still true. my husband. supernatural, bizarrely.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? i had a real olivia rodrigo moment this year.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? i mean i'd rather not think about any of it bc it all is depressing.

37. Who did you miss? my teacher friends. <- still true

38. Who was the best new person you met? we had a contractor at work who really talked me up and made me feel like i could find another job and get paid better. she was nice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023: work to live, etc.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Oh, yesterdays are over my shoulder, So I can't look back for too long. There's just too much to see waiting in front of me, and I know that I just can't go wrong with these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes; nothing remains quite the same. With all of our running and all of our cunning, If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane

- jimmy buffett, "changes in latitude, changes in attitude"

[tankbredgrunt]

End of year wrap-ups, 2023

It's presently June while I start to write this, and I thought if I wanted to put together a list of media consumed over 2023 I could at least get an early start, for as much my sake of mindfulness and talking about the things I loved/hated. If you're interested too, you can read more; first is video games, then music, then movies and tv, then books. If you feel like talking about anything in here don't hesitate! This is going to be a nightmare to tag though so, I probably won't lmao.

Nothing is necessarily ranked in order either btw, and just because I didn't write any thoughts with something doesn't mean I disliked it. Just no thoughts you know? I could have thoughts though. For the right price.

Viddy Games

For the games I haven't yet beaten but did spent some time playing, I made 12 hours of progress into Hollow Knight and am very keen to get back into it; I played Cyberpunk 2077 for about 47 hours, and am very keen to get back into it; Baldur's Gate 3 has ~9 hours at this moment, and I'm keen, etc; and Starfield has 32 hours in it and I am NOT keen to get back into it. I can get into that later though. 🏆 means I got the Platinum achievement trophy too :3

Last of Us Part 1 (x2)/Last of Us PS4 Remaster (x3)/Last of Us PS3 (x1) 🏆 - 5 stars On top of regular playthroughs, this year also marked the dip into Grounded mode. I completed one Grounded round on the Part 1 PS5 remake, and 2 more on the PS4 remaster (for the achievements). It would be impossible to discuss the reasons why I love this game so much so I will spare yall, a mercy dedicated to anyone who's already had to/gotten to hear me go on about it. I also got two TLoU tattoos this year. Ask me about my theories still though. One of my favorite moments from my 2nd Grounded run (Including one of the nearly-100 fuck ups leading up to that point):

Death Stranding - 5 stars I'm coming in to write about this one retroactively, because I've spent all this time since beating the game thinking about it. Did I understand half of what was going on? Vaguely, but it was beautiful, and heartfelt, and the world was interesting, and it satisfied the need I had to go outside and run my errands. Loved Cliff's character, and his plight as a father, how he carried it with him to the afterlife, and his speech to Sam is on loop constantly as a goosebumps generator. All the webs this story weaved came together and fray in such intriguing ways.

Detroit: Become Human (x2) - 5 stars These were my third and fourth playthroughs of this game and I find myself fonder for this little game each time I play. The perfect example of how a setting is so much deeper for the things it DOESN'T say than the things it does, once you think consider it. Under the cover of fun little robots, this world is so bleak, and I love the thought experiments. A very good example, imo, of what kind of tool cyberpunk really is as a setting. Quantic Dream also slips in one unanswered aspect into each of their stories, and while it's true that the ambiguity can be frustrating, Quantic Dream accidentally does it in a way that I find so alluring. Ra9, in this case, examining the clues on my own, coming to my own conclusions. It lets the world live on after the games have ended. I don't care about having answers--the game focused on what it needed to. It was not a portal into the greater world, it was one into Kara, Connor, and Marcus. We can look at the world on our own.

Disco Elysium - 4 stars Admittedly while this one took me a few months to finish, with a break spanning between November 2022 to March, and often found it VERY dense with information, I still really enjoyed myself. It's also the sort of narrative that is very self-aware, and as such pokes fun at itself, and as another such is sometimes lost under a few too many layers of irony and sarcasm. It's a bit hard sometimes to know what information to take seriously and what to disregard. As wonts these sorts of games the content is made entirely of dialog, very reading heavy, and puts me to sleep--I couldn't imagine playing this game without the stellar voice acting. Haunting and comedic sometimes even in the same line of dialog, I'm glad I found it after the Final Cut was released. Highly recommend, looking forward to another play-through.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom - 4 stars I loved BotW from the moment I got my Switch on launch day. Interestingly with TotK, I found my high opinion slipping the more I played, and too afterward. It seems more and more to me that Nintendo isn't exactly as keyed into what people are looking for with Zelda as they thought. TotK comes complete with shallow villains and anime tropes and a bastardization of a fair bit of the work done in BotW. It is not a story that is aware of it's own narrative, characters, or concepts. I don't say this as a person who demands to know which timeline and where exactly it takes place, only as someone invested in the universe and hopes to have somethings meaningfully extrapolated on. I'm hungry for subversion. Won't get much of that with this game sadly. That said, where gameplay was concerned I still really enjoyed myself. Before release I was worried how they would fill a world I've already spent 300+ hours exploring, and it turned out the answers were 2 entirely new maps and a largely transformed overworld. Discovering the newness in a world I already knew so well was fantastical. The building mechanics were enchanting, the shrines legitimately challenging, and the world still fun to explore. Don't see myself replaying for quite a while though, if ever, which was also the case with BotW. EDIT: having read and heard of all the nightmares about this games development since I've played it, just have to say 😬 yikes dude. Really recontextualizes the story for me. Idk though the gameplay was still super fun, so where an overall rating is concerned, I'm a bit conflicted. I'll leave it where it is I guess but let the record show it's still a Yikes from me about certain things.

Heavy Rain - 3.5 stars So, in the driver's seat of this, I found myself not doing much else besides complaining. The controls on the PC port are horrible; the 'twist' was less that and more... dishonest; voice acting was rough; David Cage exists; etc. But idk dude!! Something about it was still as charming as the first time!! It's been just about 10 years since I first played it at release, and the nostalgia was strong. It was a perfect distraction from real life at the time, and I've always looked back on the game fondly, though I've never replayed it. There ARE functional things I do dislike about the plot and writing and the awful ending, which discounts its score to the 3.5 star rating, but idk yall. I find Norman dorky and lovable, flawed yet well-intentioned; Ethan is a desperate dad trying to correct mistakes he still can't reconcile with; even Scott's motivations are understandable. I, like one key character, cannot deny that seeing a dad do whatever it takes to save his son? I'll have what he's having.

Oxenfree - 3 stars One thing about me is I have a great hatred for time travel stories. They always inevitably fall short. Oxenfree however used what I believe are the true assets of the trope. The struggle of fate, predetermination, and how-could-anything-be-different. (I also believe a key function of time travel stories is the character's understanding that they aren't the first version of themselves caught in the loops but that's a different convo). Anyway the ambiguous ending was also a big win to me. All in all a fun little game. Give it a try if you want some low-stakes entertainment with a good story.

The Uncharted series - a mixed bag So this doesn't include Uncharted 1, which I played damn near a decade ago when I first got my PS4 and the Nathan Drake collection. My thoughts on that are hazy but one I remember vividly--fuck the ship level. Anyway I mark this as mixed bag because my feelings towards it are complicated. I still felt the essence of NaughtyDog throughout, their care for their characters and sympathetic storytelling. While not as morally gray as their TLoU stuff, and rated Teen, it was still compelling, and despite my intense grievances with the combat systems in 1-2-3, I never questioned whether I would continue with the next game. However. Those grievances. Holy shit. Snap-to-cover is NEVER the answer, game devs. I know and forgive that games 1-3 are over a decade old, developers have better tools and understanding now. See an example of my jimmies being rustled here:

Take a shot each time a headshot doesn't hit. For gameplay reasons only I can't give the first 3 games any higher than 3 stars. And even though 3 has the best story of the 3, gameplay might even knock that one down to a 2. Anywho, the whiplash in quality between 3 and 4 was insane. I played the PS5 port, and loved everything about 4. Loved Sam, loved baby Nate, loved the story. It was as if ND had kept a .txt file of every single issue up till that point and corrected each of them. Seeing the bones of TLoU2 was also nice. Phenomenal game, and I look forward to playing it again sometime soon. Ratings for each game go: Uncharted 2 and 3 - 3 stars Uncharted 4 - 5 stars Uncharted: Lost Legacy - 4 stars Sadly I don't have the tools or plans to play the PSP game. PS Vita? Either way.

Last of Us Part 2 (x3) - 4 stars This was probably my 3rd time playing TLoU2, and while I don't have many strong comments to make concerning the story, I feel like this was finally the first time I truly understood Ellie's character in this game. The truth of her grief and what it was really over. And Abby as well, how she wasn't just a foil for Ellie, but for Joel as well. That said, I do still feel I would love this game so much more if it was just told linearly. The pacing is DOGshit dude, wow. Love it though. I've also completed a Grounded playthrough and got the Plat trophy this year as well, which I only mention for bragging rights 💅

Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice 🏆 - 5 stars I don't think I have much to say about this game besides general comments about how phenomenal the experience was. Never played anything like it. Fun exploration, environmental puzzles, great visuals. Combat was good, sound design was excellent. Story was good, acting was amazing. All around VERY thrilled I played.

Assassin’s Creed: Mirage 🏆 - 5 stars I GOTTA SAY, This game surprised the hell out of me. I’m on a journey to play all the Assassin’s Creed games; so far I’ve finished 8 out of ~18. For how badly Valhalla sucked ass I was hesitant to play this one, since it acts as a sort of prequel to a particular character, but DAMN if this didn’t completely surprise me. The world was incredibly fun to explore, and even included environmental puzzles. You will legitimately feel like an assassin with the amount of player freedom this game gives you, and the story was just as good. Best Assassin’s Creed game? 👀 Hard to say till I’ve finished them all but so far it’s absolutely a contender. Basim I love youuuuuu

Unmentioned, in alphabetical order: [Assassin's Creed 1 - 2.5 stars; Assassin's Creed 2 - 3.5 stars; Assassin's Creed: Chronicles: China - 3 stars; Assassin's Creed: Chronicles: India - 3.5; Assassin's Creed: Chronicles: Russia - 3.5 stars; Beyond: Two Souls - 3 stars; Ghost of Tsushima - 4 stars; Gone Home - 3 stars; Indigo Prophecy - 2 stars; It Takes Two - 3 stars; A Plague Tale: Innocence - 3.5 stars; The Quarry - 2.5 stars; SEASON - 3 stars; Spider-Man 2 (2023) 🏆 - 3 stars; Stray - 3.5 stars; Super Mario Wonder - 4 stars; Twin Mirror - 3 stars; Viewfinder - 3.5 stars; A Way Out - 3.5 stars; Where the Goats Are - 3 stars]

Starfield: Putting this one down here at the bottom so I don't start this list out with complaining lol. Anyway the fact this game was nominated for Best RPG at the game awards tells me they don't play some of the games they nominate lol. I don't think I've ever had an experience like this game gave me. I somehow played 30 hours, and had a great time, before realizing it was bad. Nothing happened in the story to stop me, there wasn't suddenly a new gameplay mechanic that I didn't agree with. There was just something in the glamour of those 30 hours that got me. Maybe it was the father figure referring to me with neutral pronouns. But anyway I guess I just came to my senses. I took a break to play something different, came back, and it was an entirely different game. The overworld is barren. They expect you to explore hundreds of plants that have nothing on them besides some minerals and animals you scan. These are laaaaarge swaths of time spent running back and forth in near silence, because not only is there next to nothing meaningful to interact with on these worlds, your companion repeats the same 5 quips the entire time. There are no tools to traversing the overworld more quickly, so you are running for thousands of kilometers so you can scan a useless monument and get 20XP. There is no incentive to exploring, there is no incentive to doing anything other than fast-traveling to your next destination--until the game stops you for not having the appropriate ship parts installed, and you realize it's going to be a 5 hour grind to upgrade that part. Looking back at those 30 hours I enjoyed, this was all still there, but idk man, idk. For this amount of content this should have only been a $30 game, MAX, and they sell it for $70. But I bought it for $70, so who is the real chump here. I think the only thing I truly enjoyed (besides Sam Coe) was the mission 'Entangled', where you are unwillingly forced between two alternate universes, due to an experiment in a research facility. It sits right on the cusp of horror, between one universe where the research facility exploded and nature took it back, and another where the explosion never happened. There is drama, intrigue, decisions, exploration, everything. Nothing else in the game came close at all to touching that and I'm mad I spent so long before realizing it. Who wrote this mission, so I can thank you?

Music (and the lyrics that make it)

My complete 2023 favorites Spotify playlist

Favorite albums: Preacher's Daughter by Ethel Cain Slut Pop by Kim Petras Guard Dog by Searows I Let It in and It Took Everything by Loathe Heavy Glow by Soulkeeper

Individual tracks and my favorite lyric: Master & A Hound by Gregory Alan Isakov 'Where were you when I was still kind?' Sun Bleached Flies by Ethel Cain 'If it's meant to be then it will be.' Don't Keep Driving by The Paper Kites 'There's nothing wrong with a little space. But not right now; don't leave.' Honey Dripping Sky by Georgia 'No matter how hard we try, I won't deny--it's for you.' Coming Clean by Searows 'If I kill you would I have to forgive you still?' Francesca by Hozier 'I’d tell them put me back in it. [Darling,] I would do it again.'

TV and Movies

I am severely illiterate when it comes to movies so the goal this year was to have watched at least one movie a week. Did I succeed,Future Me? [Yeah!]

Kingsman: Secret Service and :Golden Circle - 5 and 4 stars The cinematography?? The choreography? Hello? Across both movies, they were all so incredible. While Secret Service was my favorite of the two, Golden Circle had my favorite fight (though the church scene is a clooooose second)(Pedro Pascal I love you):

Gentlemen Bronco - 2 stars This movie was dull as shit BUT, it had one of my favorite scenes of the year.

Knock at the Cabin - 3.5 stars Just wanna put this one here real quick to get the Worms out--what was the point? Narratively, what was the point? I have been rolling this movie around my head since I watched last night and I'm hoping to read the book soon for better context, but man. While I enjoyed this movie a lot I just do not follow the themes, more so considering the ending. Was it a fight against providence and predetermination, only to prove its own point? The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (Mr. Spock)? I can't tell exactly what this movie was asking me. As a rule I generally don't enjoy stories where the psychos are proved right with no closer examination of the themes and circumstances. Like yeah the MCs being a gay couple framed the story differently but that is also just a side effect of having distinctive characters lmao. It also insulated some sacrificial-minority stuff? Weird. And asks no questions about fate or anything, which is a wild loop considering Andrew's previous history with Redmond (a red herring? However I feel if the intro of a red herring completely recontextualizes the larger possibilities of the world, then it's not a good red herring, it's lazy). Ultimately I understand a theme is save your family or save humanity--it's on the DVD cover lol. But yeah man idk. All the other stuff, it made for a weird soup that I just cannot decipher. Anyway. EDIT: I have since read the source novel and it was incredible. I will not be watching any more Shyamalan movies lmao

Pacific Rim - 5 stars I also don't have anything much deeper to say about this than gotTDAMN dude, what a good fucking movie. I decided to watch because of all the Pacific Rim AUs that take place in fandom, and I decided I finally needed to know why and I DO know why now because good lord. What a good movie. That said the sequel was a hot pile.

The Arrival - 3 stars The way this movie had my heart racing the entire time--and shat it all away at the immediate end. Pure whiplash. "You know what surprised me the most? It wasn't meeting them. It was meeting you." What kind of straight nonsense. What kind of anticlimactic. What kind of bullshit. I was immediately snapped to my senses, I'm not over exaggerating. Insanity.

Unmentioned, in alphabetical order: [After Yang - 4 stars; Assassin's Creed (2016) - 2 stars; Asteroid City - 4 stars; Barbie - 4 stars; Begotten (1990) - 2 stars; Bullet Train - 4 stars; Come and See (1985) - 3 stars; Dead Poets Society - 3 stars; El Dorado - 3 stars; Grave Encounters - 3 stars; The Green Knight - 4 stars; The Hateful Eight - 5 Stars; IT and IT: Chapter 2 - 4 stars; Jennifer's Body - 3 stars; King of the Hill (all 13 seasons) - episode determinate; Knives Out - 5 stars; Knives Out: Glass Onion - 2 stars; Labyrinth - 2 stars; Lady Bird - 3 stars; Lake Mungo - 3 stars; The Lighthouse - 3 stars; Mad Max: Fury Road - 3 stars; The Magnificent Seven (1960) - 4 stars; The Magnificent Seven (2016) - 3.5 stars; Martyr (2008) - 3 stars; Matrix - 3 stars; Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions - 1 star; The Menu - 4 stars; Midnight Mass - 4 stars; My Own Private Idaho - 3 stars; NOPE - 4 stars; Once Upon a Time in the West - DNF; Possum - 3 stars; The Power of the Dog - 3 stars; RE: Damnation, Death Island, Degeneration, Infinite Darkness, and Vendetta - 3 stars; Saltburn - 3.5 stars; Seven Samurai (1954) - 3 stars; The Shape of Water - 4.5 stars; Skinamarink - 3 stars; Star Trek: The Motion Picture - 2.5 stars; ST: Search for Spock and ST: Voyage Home - 4 stars; ST: The Wrath of Khan - 4.5 stars; The Thing (1982) - 3 stars; The Thing From Another World (1951) - 3 stars; Tideland (2005) - 2 stars; Unforgiven - 4 stars; The VVitch - 3 stars]

Favorite Books

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez - 5 stars I have never EVER in my life read a book like this one, and I urge everyone to give it a try. Two men must escort a dying god across the country in order to stop the control of her tyrannical children. If you aren't digging the book, at least try and make it 100 pages in. The beginning, like every chunky fantasy, is a bit of a tough learning experience, and the uniqueness of the prose didn't exactly make it an easier task. However, it makes it extremely lyrical and poetic, and intriguing. The entire package is mind-blowingly unique. AND it ends happily, if that makes you feel better.

To Be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers - 5 stars My thoughts on this little story aren't overly complex or anything, I just found the setting very nice, the B plot concerning Earth interesting, and the ambiguous ending intriguing. While the events might be a little harrowing it was the hopeful attitude of the prose and characters that made it very comforting nonetheless. I loved the experience while I was reading it, and think about the ending now, even all these months after reading.

The Sleeping Car Porter by Suzette Mayr - 4 stars A black sleep car porter tries to keep his job and his sanity after their train is stopped by a mudslide. Before this I can say I'd never read anything in this setting before, and it was what drew me in initially, but it was the writing that really captivated me. The narrative has a very intimate feeling, nostalgic almost, as if you're hearing the story secondhand even as you read. It's also refreshing when a book just says 'cock', and no extra-curricular euphemisms. Where's that video of Taron Egerton saying cock over and over btw cause I can't find it

The Magpie Coffin by Wile E Young - 4 stars The first in a collection of splatterpunk westerns?? It was so fun to read, and the cover is so badass. It knew what it was and it did so well.

In the Distance by Hernan Diaz - 4 stars A young Swedish boy, separated from his brother, fends for himself in the early USA west. I was on hold for this through my library for nearly a month and a half, so by the time I got it in my grubby hands my exciting was pretty high. Though I found much of it slow, I was still somehow on the edge of my seat. It's a crime that this was the Pulitzer runner-up, and that Less by Andrew Greer won instead. It's been a very very long time since I've felt so strongly about the well-being and outcome of a character but Hakan if you're out there--I love you.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - 5 stars

Nothing to add to this decade long conversation other than this holds up :’) I was gasping like I was in high school again, reading it for the first time.

Honorable mentions, in alphabetical order by author last name: [A Psalm for the Wild Built and A Prayer for the Crown Shy by Becky Chambers - 4 stars; How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix - 4 stars; Texas Outlaw by Richard Jessup - 4 stars; Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie - 4 stars; Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - 4 stars; Helpmeet by Naben Ruthnum - 4 stars; The Power of the Dog by Thomas Savage - 4 stars; East of Eden by John Steinbeck - 5 stars; The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay - 4.5 stars]

LEAST Favorite Books

I'm nothing if not a hater so I wanted to give some space to the books I most disliked.

Less by Andrew Sean Greer - DNF SAUR upset that this won the Pulitzer prize of its year instead of In The Distance by Hernan Diaz. 100 pages into it and I could not find anything redeeming about the main character. Pretentious, bitter. Like maybe that was his arc? He would outgrow that maybe. But it was just not the book nor the characters for me, unfortunately, so I did not stick around long enough for that to happen.

Bath Haus by PJ Vernon - DNF WHEW boy was the writing in this one bad. Like yall ever read a queer book and just know it was written for straight people? Let me find a picture I took of one paragraph.

Yikes and a half, dude. Anyway

Meat by Joseph D'Lacey - 1 star This was just plain bad. Like 'Oh isn't it so crazy they're eating people?? They're treating people like cattle, that's so demented right??' No. Not really. There's cannibalism in the cannibalism genre? Get a grip. I live near Donner Pass, we got cannibalism in the water here. Although maybe I'm also partially to blame for expecting some deeper storytelling from splatterpunk.

The Troop by Nick Cutter - 2 stars I don't know that I have anything really critical to say about this book other than I just didn't enjoy it. Writing was fine, prose was fine. It's told a bit out of order, think Carrie by Stephen King--snippets of interviews and articles detailing the aftermath of the events of the book. I do remember thinking that the facts were contradicting themselves a few times but was really not invested enough to care too deeply. The isolated, abandoned feeling we get from the island was nice, and the atmosphere good, I just don't believe Nick Cutter is a good writer. A bit too many slurs in here as well, methinks.

Books I DNF'd: With 15 in total this was the year of DNFing for me; it's amazing was Prozac can do for a person. (Disclaimer: I've only listed 13 of them here. The other two had to go back to the library before I could finish them so I marked them as technical DNFs :( and it doesn't feel right to include them in this list for haters)

Bath Haus by PJ Vernon (explained above) The Singularities by John Banville (nothing offensive, just didn't vibe. Books will often try way too hard on the opening paragraph and I'm not here for a philosophy lesson as I crack open a book you know what I mean) Heartless by Marissa Meyer (I just don't think YA does it for me anymore) There's Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins (" ") If We Were Villains by ML Rio (I just don't like being lectured and this book was clearly written for someone who wasn't me lol) Pretty Girls by Karin Slaughter (I find that a lot of times thrillers written by women employ stereotypes against men and their 'perverse' sexual tastes. The lines between pornography/fantasy and reality don't seem as nuanced in this genre, unfortunately. A man is not immediately a villain because he enjoys CNC or roleplay, and the pearl clutching is a little tired) Campfire Cooking in Another World by Ren Eguchi (why is every light novel like this:

The Lies of Locke Lamore by Scott Lynch (this was too quippy for my tastes. It was a little too busy being clever and not busy enough being interesting.) Less by Andrew Greer (Mean Gays, the next Tina Fay movie) Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey (just wasn't my cuppa) Riders of the Purple Sage by Zane Grey (I read a review that counted how many times Zane Grey used 'sage' in this book. I don't remember the number but there was a lot of them. Too much mormanism going on, just wasn't my cuppa) The Cold Dish by Craig Johnson (only alright, not bad but wasn't going anywhere fast. More of a character focused, soft bit of mystery, which was fine, I just didn't find myself enjoying the characters either) Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett (I just wasn’t vibing you know how it is)

2023 Reading Statistics

I also keep a track of the pages read and ratings, as well as genre, where I read the book and in what format, so I'll put that here too for posterity's sake. And If you'd like, I use GoodReads, and we can be friends!

62 books read 18,217 pages in total 3.25 average star rating 19 (30.6%) of the books read were owned; 43 (69.4%)(nice) were from the library 14 (75.8%) were physical books; 12 (19.4%) were ebooks; 3 (4.8%) were audiobooks

That's it! I don't make reading goals anymore, in terms of how many to read, but I do know I want to TRY and read the copy of Battle Royal I've had since my junior year of high school. And I'd like to try and finish the Tsubasa manga series, since I never made it past volume 15 I think. I can't think of anything other than that! It was a good year!

[twilight-resonance]

Summer Madness

It's been a hell of a summer. (Isn't it always?) It's nearing the end of it and i need a while to just sit down and... process.

Wrote about it already in my journal - my proper paper-journal. If only about the heart of it, without all the trappings-on... I suppose that's what I'm here to do. Spent the day in the other room away from Hearthsnail; partly because I had a migraine and this room is darkest, but more so because I think more clearly when I'm not working in the same room as him; and on a day when he's just going to be playing video games all day, I might as well take it for myself.

There's been some rest. Some listening to music, some nursing my migraine, some listening to soft videos and hanging out with lit candles... Some gentle attempts to work. Some nursing bruised feelings. Not bruised by, like, something blowing up; just the general bruises and battering of hurtling through this starfield of existence.

I wish I knew what it felt like, you know? It's too... It's too complicated, too complex. Is this what acceptance feels like? Denial? Depression? Is this agony, or relief? It's all of them at once, and it hurts so bad. I know it just needs processing, but in all the meantime it tastes like the sweet-and-tang of blood in my mouth and green-stripped bark and the white-hot burning of a sear-welt all at once. Truly, the week before the day camp it would have been easier to hold my hand to a burning stove than to live inside my head. I would know.

There keep being so many little pieces, more and more and more. You know what happened the other day? Someone from many years before, when I was in the worst of it, in the thick of it, showed back up. Someone who'd been able to give some comfort despite, well, all of it, and to which I had been deeply grateful. Someone I'd always wondered what happened to. And lo - here they were, in one of those strange little twisting happenstances of fate.

It's maddening. It feels like I'm going mad. You know that maddening feeling that everyone is familiar with right now? To do with current events, and what it feels like to live through history, and just wishing we could get off of Mr. Bones' Wild Ride? I'm done. I'm so done. But it's not done with me, and it may well be only getting started.

You know what the worst possible thing to happen would be? I almost hesitate to speak it into existence. Because last time I said those magic words, it came true. It was true already even.

Need to stop for now. It's bedtime.

[himedia]

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[kdmindia2034]

Which are the best wired earphones to buy right now

It isn't a good habit to watch videos, listen to music or do video calls on speakers in public areas as it might disturb the people around us. Forget about the public areas, it's considered a rule-breaking point while working in offices. The best-wired earphones are available all around us making our lives better. Well, another point is that the earphones allow you to keep the sound to yourself while maintaining privacy in your life in terms of what you watch, or with whom you speak. The best part about wired earphones is that there is no hassle of charging them time and again. Let's talk about the top brands of wired earphone providers.

The best-wired earphone to buy in 2022

Here is the list of best-wired earphones that are worth the money in 2022 - 

K220 Wired Earphones by KDM: 

KDM earphones perfectly fit inside your ears providing you with a very high-quality sound. This model of KDM Wired Earphone has a length of 120 cm, a 10 mm unit size speaker with a moving coil, and comes with a 3.5 mm jack. Their earphones have a tensile resistance and are highly convenient and efficient. It also has a built-in mic with the call answer or end button. Made from a copper cord, it is compatible with every type of smartphone, portable gaming device, or music player.

Beats by Dr. Dre UrBeats3: 

The Apple-paired company, Dr. Dre has created wired earphones that have the best style, splash, sleek, bass-heavy sound, and bass-heavy sound focussed. It's available in varied colors ranging from coral, black, satin gold, matte black, satin silver & yellow. The urBeats3 has a single axial-aligned driver & laser-cut holes inside the acoustic chamber. Moreover, the silicone ear tips of this wired earphone have tangle-free flat cables & come in 4 different sizes ranging from small, medium, large to extra large. 

Sony – MDR XB55AP Wired Extra Bass Earbud: 

It is a highly affordable option along with the surety of getting a reliable product. Sony is still digging into creating creative models of wired earphones like 55APs despite its latest creation of headphones & wireless earphones. The 90-degree degree jack is available in 4 sizes & 3 colors namely blue, black, and red along with a pouch. The drawback here is that it doesn't have volume controls. 

Moondrop – Starfield IEMs: 

If you aren't worried about money, then Moondrop is the best option as its quality is justified by its price. It comes with accessories & a nice carry case. It has comfortable IEMs, is well-built, perfectly fits, & provides the best sound quality. Aluminum & zinc alloys are used to make the die-cast shells. Due to this, it's long-lasting & provides superior performance. Although, most people questioned and doubted the finely braided cable to withstand the wear & tear. 

Campfire Audio – Holocene IEMs: 

With its extraordinary sound clarity, and built quality, it has the "Glow in the dark '' featured cable. It comes with geometric-shaped ITEMS pairs, Sequal Yarn carrying case, accessories, a drawstring pouch, and a cable. It fits perfectly to your ears and is very comfortable to use. Holocene produces the loudest IEMS and best sounds having a great frequency. The wide & in-depth soundstage is the best quality possessed by the Holocene.  The need for earphones is well understood by all of us. Whether it's for listening to songs, attending meetings, or silently going for online study, earphones are required. We recommend KDM as we have personally used their products and it turned out to be one of our best purchases. KDM is a leading manufacturer and supplier of the Best Wired Earphones in India. Approach them today to know about the variety of earphones available!

[keefwho]

September 12 - 2023 Tuesday

8:55am

I'm having the thought that I don't want to be seen today. I'm having the thought that I won't be able to live up to my own standards let alone anyone else's. I'm having the thought that it's all too hard and I'll never be able to keep up. I'm having the thought that if I don't figure out who I am, I will be left behind. I'm having the thought that I can't show myself around other people when I'm like this. I feel a sinking sensation in my chest. It makes me want to stop trying. It makes me want to hide until it goes away.

3:05pm

What I'm "changing" right now is instead of giving into the urges to scroll twitter, turn on a Twitch stream, or join a discord VC to distract myself, I'm sticking to nothing but music to occupy me while I do my afternoon work. These urges I have aren't things I really want to do, they are just a means to escape how I feel about myself right now. I trick myself sometimes by thinking it's always a good thing to be around people, it means I'm growing a relationship with them. But that might not be true. I struggle to put my heart into most people so spending time with them is more of a chore than anything and because of that I think nothing is really grown or nourished. The truth is right now I feel inadequate and am very likely to self sabotage any activity I pursue. Maybe I just need to sit with myself until I'm in a state more ready to take action.

11:15pm

First of all I'm late to bed because I felt the need to take care of myself more out of stress relief than anything. Probably shouldn't have just because of how late it is. I think really I just wanted to feel something good today.

I had turkey spam, green beans and carrots, and spicy ramen for breakfast. It's one of my favorites. I set up the Vortex mod manager so I can start looking into Starfield mods. I was a little late to stream because I was deciding whether or not I wanted to stream today at all and I decided to which I regretted. I just didn't want to interact today, I felt upset at myself for lots of things and didn't want to show it. Work went VERY slow and my stepdad called me out to help him move big logs halfway through which was annoying. I do like the manual labor sometimes though. I stopped my stream halfway through and very slowly finished it off stream, although I still did it within the maximum time frame. I felt terrible for my performance today.

I cleaned up a little my putting away my clothes and taking the garbage out/cleaning the garbage area. I have a bad habit of half assing cleaning surfaces, I'm learning to do it more properly which does take more time. So I did that and felt pretty good about it. Lunch was fish sticks with mac n cheese and a pear cup. I watched some Chris Chan during my lunch break.

The request today was from someone who had lied to me about their age awhile back in a dangerous way but they are of age now and are a patreon of mine. Today Daisy mentioned how I should have blocked them whenever that happened and I should have, even my friend Bramble said that closer to the time it happened. I wish I did too but I was in an interesting place where I was trying not to cross my business and personal life. Obviously in hindsight even my business should not be associated with someone like that but at the time I had cut them from my social life and allowed them to come back when they turned 18 to start paying me for art again if they wanted. In the end it kinda worked out but I do still feel weird about having them around. But they only talk to me as an artist, I have no desire to actually hang out with them.

I made good progress on this old MLP pic of mine again, it should be done tomorrow. I'm trying to start a new habit where I specify the project I'm going to work on earlier in the day so that I'm not left choosing when the time comes.

After work I played some Starfield until Daisy wanted to play Just Dance. It was a short session because we were so tired. Then we hopped into my server VC which I was looking forward to until a very annoying guy joined and the uncomfortable individual I just wrote about. Daisy wanted me to stream Mother 3 for her which I was happy to do even though I was just grinding the same enemies over and over for awhile. I didn't have anything else I wanted to do specifically so it was okay. The call sucked though because those 2 guys where giving me a headache and wouldn't shut up for half the time. I barely said anything the whole time.

Daisy and I chatted a little bit while she was in bed afterwards. I opened up a little bit about how things have gotten more intense lately and how scary it is, but in a good way. I feel relieved that it's being talked about in this capacity finally, it's like I've been holding myself back because I didn't know if my feelings were being reciprocated as much as they are. I still don't feel like that but that's either because I still need to process it or its my long term issue of self doubt. Either way I consciously know what is true and that gives me the opportunity to make myself believe it.

Today I was very moody in general. I was frustrated and sad at a lot of things. In general I feel like I'm not making as much progress as I want. I've literally failed in the sense that I haven't done a good job of refining my behavior to invoke actual change. I'm still chilling in my comfort zone and I know I am. In some ways I'm afraid to take action and get better because any change is scary to me. Sometimes I feel like it's not worth it even trying because again I think it's impossible for me to be good.

My current formula is to keep trying anything I think of to see it's effects. It's been a lot of experimentation which brings a lot of failure but I cant lose sight that anything I try will teach me something. My current priority of sticking to my schedule and finishing certain projects is being undermined by my lack of self praise for actually doing these things. I think I need to redirect my focus from just getting things done to realizing what I have gotten done. I tend to do things and move on like I never even did them. It's no wonder I feel bad basically convincing myself that I did nothing of note when I actually did.

Another one of my ideas to try is to make a hierarchy of sorts for the kinds of things I can do and the requirements that precede them. To most people this would seem weird and maybe it is but I might be autistic af and this might be my solution. I need to write things down for later or else I will always forget it and repeat the same cycles over and over again.

Edit: I meant to add noting at least one positive thing I did today to counter how I always evaluate my negative thoughts in the morning. Today despite feeling so bad, I did get my schedule done in it's entirety which is impressive. Hours of work got done.

[thetoxicgamer]

Fable 4 will be at the Xbox Showcase, yes, really

It seems almost expected that Fable 4, the next RPG game from Forza Horizon producer Playground Games, will be showcased at the upcoming Xbox Showcase. The existence of a new Fable game has been known for some time, but with the Showcase just over a week away and information on Fable 4 still scarce, Microsoft appears to be confirming that we'll be seeing Albion's full comeback along with the eagerly awaited Starfield Direct. We simply have hints, but they are rather clear hints. Here is what we have guessed about the release date of Fable 4 based on a recent Microsoft teaser. Ok, so Fable 4 is just the presumed title right now – it’s likely that the new Fable game will be called something slightly more inventive. We know it’s an RPG, and we know it’s coming from Playground. In terms of the premise, it’s rumored that Fable 4 will include some kind of time-travel mechanics and take place across various points in Albion’s history. Oh, and speaking of Albion, the rumor mill also says that, in Fable 4, the picturesque, olde English world has been destroyed, and it will be up to you to somehow bring it back to life. Now, in terms of the Showcase, Xbox just dropped a new teaser video with some pretty hefty hints. You can take a look below, and then we’ll dive into the details. https://twitter.com/Xbox/status/1663651704133373953 First of all, the glitter trail is a seeming nod to the light and fairy dust navigation line from the classic Fable games. Remember how if you got lost or needed to find an objective, there was a wavy line of glitter showing you where to go? We’re pretty sure the Xbox teaser is paying homage to that old Fable feature. And then there’s the music. It’s hard to pin down the exact moment, but it sounds almost exactly like the theme to Bowerstone, the biggest, most central town in Albion, which opens the story of Fable 2. Listen to the teaser again, and then compare it to the Bowerstone theme below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtSHpf8Zdts I mean, come on. The glitter. The music. The fact that we already know Fable 4 is coming, and it’s in development by Playground, one of Xbox’s first-party darlings. Surely it’s got to be at the Showcase now. We’ll find out for sure on June 11. In the meantime, take a look at all the upcoming games we’re expecting to see throughout 2023. If you’re a big Fable fan, you might also want to try some of the other best story games, or maybe the best single-player games on PC. Read the full article

[trustdesignstudio]

Starfield game awards

#Starfield game awards plus#

The organizers really fumbled the bag there.Īmong all the (good) musical performances and an unbearable amount of small, disorganized ads, we got plenty of cool trailers and reveals. Lucasfilm Games will have to deal with plenty of negativity in order to promote the game in the coming years, and the timing of its debut during the ceremony was absolutely tone-deaf and made the impressive, gorgeous CG preview a bit of a downer. However, Keighley and his team quickly ruined the “good faith momentum” they had going on with the release of the first teaser trailer for Star Wars Eclipse right after that speech - the game’s being developed by Quantic Dream, another company hit by a sizable wave of abuse allegations and claims of a problematic internal culture. Moreover, the show kicked off with a rather serious monologue by him that reminded us of all the bad shit going on (and the pressing need to improve and be better) before we could have fun. Understandably, Keighley put out the most sterilized statement possible, but at least he acted. But he couldn’t go on rambling about the future of the games industry and the positive values the medium promotes while also neglecting its ugliest side - he finally said last week that Activision wouldn’t be a part of The Game Awards 2021.

#Starfield game awards plus#

Geoff Keighley remained neutral for as long as possible, as he’s a showman first and foremost, plus Activision figures are part of the Game Awards’ spine. Of course, Call of Duty is Activision’s flagship franchise at the moment, but we’re also aware of the uphill battle the Sledgehammer folks have fought during the bulk of the pandemic, so we did review Vanguard after careful consideration. We personally refused to review Diablo II: Resurrected a few months ago, as Blizzard currently lies at the center of the turmoil. It’s not looking too good for the company that owns Call of Duty and Blizzard’s highly profitable IPs, but no one should forget about this matter until impactful changes are made. Investors have put additional pressure on the company as well, and the bravest of the studios’ workers are organizing walkouts and trying to unionize. Since they’ve been exposed (and many key figures have walked out), plenty of big-name partners such as Sony and Microsoft have told Activision execs they expect them to make big changes, as in… releasing more than just measly generic statements. The big elephant in the room this year was Activision Blizzard’s gigantic mess of workplace abuse and sexism, a toxic culture that has been cultivated across different studios and positions within the gargantuan publisher for years. Geoff Keighley’s 2021 Game Awards extravaganza kind of represented the gaming world we’re living in right now - it feels good to be fully back and regain lost strength, but we need to talk about crucial matters too… The gaming industry has worked hard to regain a sense of normalcy since the pandemic started, and it all has paid off big time this year: many studios have put out amazing releases in 2020 despite the limitations the last 21 months or so have put on productions as complex as video games, and the “event schedule” has felt much tighter and satisfying (given the circumstances) this time around. After an unsurprisingly weak 2020 event, this year’s Game Awards felt like a proper celebration again, but plenty of underlying issues need to be dealt with as soon as possible.

[nicohverse]

Entropic Float Biweekly Update #19

This update's art is from Katuo on skeb! Another cute little Peri this time. Like Touko, Peri is one of those characters who seems to have a pretty big appeal to JP artists- When I give people the option to draw any of my characters, she's a frequent choice!

It's been a while since the last time I updated. This three-week development cycle to account for a weekend spent away, has still been quite productive! The trailer for Entropic Float also became available since then- Amazingly edited by Casper, the creator of Heart Fragment, Starfield Gaming's other property!

Writing:

28/31 standard segments. That's right, I wrote ten of them since last time! This means that there are only three left!

36/36 Memory Seeking segments. I polished off the last two necessary in this category! It's finished!

3/7 Epilogue segments. Yep, I actually also managed to get started on these! And I'm more than halfway done with the fourth segment, too, so we could say I've written half of the epilogues.

This represents 67/74 segments of the Miracle Route. I only have 7 more segments- Three standard segments, and four epilogues- Before I can send the game for beta testing.

Background Music:

I've acquired two new BGM tracks, but as I have yet to add them to the OST playlist, I won't share their names just yet. I want to focus on getting the writing finished before doing other side activities. The sooner my testers can play the Miracle Route the sooner I can get all its bugs sorted out!

My goal progress from last time:

-Write 9 standard segments. 5 of ADL style and all 4 of NVL flashback style, completing the entire 'Memory Seeking Finale' section of the game Done! I actually wrote 10

-Write the last 2 memory seeking segments Done!

-Create the 3 sets of assets needed for the Memory Seeking Finale section Done! I also created the assets needed for the last set of standard segments.

-Take some time aside from development to make some marketing materials needed for Connecticon Done! I didn't just make the marketing materials, but they also arrived! I'll start sharing some of them soon

My goals for next time:

-Write the last 3 standard segments of the game - Write the remaining 3.5 epilogues - Draw one CG for the standard segments - Update the walkthrough and beta instructions, and get the beta copy to my testers

In this three-week cycle I wrote 15 segments. This leaves me with 7 to write over the next two weeks. It's actually possible I'll complete them all in the upcoming week, in fact! But we'll see. I've been under a lot of pressure lately, so maybe taking it a little easy for one cycle could be good for me... On the other hand, it's creating this game that has helped me to stay sane... Well, all I know is that the rest of this Sunday, I'm going to play some games and do some meal prep, and if any Entropic Float makes it in there, that'd be good too.

The word count is up to 289,304 words now... If you'll remember, the standard routes were around 174,000 words. Meaning that the Miracle Route is 115,000 words so far... Nearly as long as the rest of the game! Admittedly, some of those words are duplicates because of the programming on a certain scene- But it's still quite the feat, I think! And who doesn't love a nice, long Visual Novel...  Why am I releasing something this huge free of charge again? Oh, right. I'm insane.

There's not really anything new for the game that I can share without tons of spoilers, so instead, here are some of the Ending badges that I've made! These aren't implemented in the game yet, that's a project for June, but there's one for all 18 of the endings. You can also get them as pin badges at Connecticon, or online afterward!