#we love the long messages!!! questions get us thinking and its fun!

[comikbook]

so you talk about your religious trauma and it’s a major theme in your art, and i was wondering what your current relationship with religion is? is in, do you practice any religion or consider yourself religious? if it isn’t too personal :)

im willing to answer !! i dont talk about it on most of my socials outright because people tend to misinterpret things intensely when it comes to this kind of topic, but ill give it a shot trying to write it out. In fact, I will give the whole story of my experience with religion. So its gonna be long.

there will be talk of psychosis, eating disorders, delusions, and self harm in this post. However I will not be graphic in my descriptions.

To start out I suppose for context, my parents are not catholic. my mom doesn’t talk about religion, and my dad doesnt follow anything in the real sense, but practices a lot of principals of buddhism. My nana was catholic, and my extended family vary in their religious beliefs.

That being said, (i think to my nana’s influence) when i started school i attended a small private catholic school which has since been shut down. fun fact ! if you’ve ever watched the Netflix doc “The Keepers” my school was only about 3 miles from where one of the nun’s bodies were found. The priest who was suspected to be the one to blame previously taught at the school i went to before moving to the one he is known for teaching at. Not really relevant, but i did always feel a bit uneasy there as a child so it was a weird thing to find out later.

Anyways, I attended this catholic school for 3 years. pre-k, kindergarden, and first grade. I would often ask to use the restroom and just wander around the halls or hide in the bathroom. I would get scolded for asking questions that were “inappropriate”. The one i remember most vividly was “If God created all of us, who created God ?” to one of the nuns, who became upset with me. We weren’t taught whar we should have been, and when I did move to public school i was far behind my peers in specifically science, math, and history, but I digress. This is my one class photo from our yearbook !

It is important to note that my first remembered instance of psychosis started when i attended this private school. My mom was picking me up one day, there was heavy traffic. She was trying to get over and was complaining no one would let her. I caught myself staring at my reflection in the front mirror of the car, and the clicking of the blinker kind of overwhelmed me. In the constant clicking I “decoded” a message that involved me being told to do something particularly violent. In my small brain in addition to my outside influences, I thought the person that sent this message to me was God. I was confused as to why, but I felt i did something wrong to deserve it. i quietly prayed in the back seat internally for forgiveness.

So I started to receive more messages from “God” commanding me to do something or another, typically vile in some way. i would hear this voice in my head frequently, until eventually it faded out and stopped. I dont remember when it stopped, i just remember i had this experience as a child and then when i was a little older i just didnt think about it anymore.

I do have gaps in my memory of my childhood, pretty big ones, for reasons im still struggling to understand to this day. So that makes things fuzzy. I do remember falling back into religion briefly in middle school, but eventually fell out of it again.

As i approached the end of highschool my mental health was tanking. Mostly with depression and anxiety, however this wouldnt be the worst it would get. In 2019 I was in college and things were getting increasingly worse. I was one of the few people that loved the isolation of the quarantine actually, i fear if not for that what was to come would have been way worse.

My symptoms of psychosis started to creep back into my life. I was already isolating before the quarantine, but got worse after it had started. I know i said i enjoyed it, and i did, but it also fed into some bad habits. Anyways I was becoming increasingly scared and paranoid, I was actively self harming, I was extremely depressed. I had plans to take my own life, a few of them actually. I started eating less. I didnt think much of it, I was just depressed, i have been depressed most of my life so this was just a particularly bad bout for me is what i thought.

That is, until one night where I had my first psychotic episode. It remains to be the worst and only very big episode i have had. I dealt with it mostly alone, never alerting my family of it. I was on the phone with one friend i had at the time, although they were not the kindest to me overall. Despite that they sat with me. This episode led to me standing in one place for over 2 hours too scared to move. When I finally did, it seemed to trigger a more violent outburst.

I wont go into too much detail but i left the experience cried out, bloodied, and heavily bruised. My legs were entirely black and blue for over a month following. After this episode I finally decided to try to get help, and I met with my psychiatrist for the first time. I was immediately put on several antidepressants which ended up being beneficial but in the beginning caused me to lose my appetite entirely. This is when i fell more and more into my eating disorder. With this though, I was still experiencing delusions and hallucinations and got put on my first antipsychotic.

It helped with my symptoms, and it helped me get back to a normal weight. Even tho at the time I was abusing my adderall I was still able to get my body (mostly) back to normal, at least physically. That being said, while my symptoms were lessened they were not gone, it just became less scary to me. Maybe it was because I was being desensitized, but thats something to ponder another time.

I started to become more and more infatuated with catholicism again from that original episode forward. I was obsessed and that voice of god returned to me. I started hearing clicking and chirping coming from the back of my right ear, which ive dubbed as a “chip” in my brain placed by god for me to receive his messages. I thought there was an evil inside of me that needed to be let out, which i did by participating in frequent bloodletting to force out the bad, and make my body create newer, cleaner, and holier blood. This was something i felt I had to keep up often so that this evil force wouldnt take over. I was eventually able to stop self harming, and have been clean for over 2 years now. It is hard and i still feel the need to “cleanse” myself, but i try my best to push it down.

Fast foreward to 2022 and I would start the first piece in my painting series. I still experienced symptoms but much less frequently ! I started to detail my experience thru art. I would finish the first piece in my series titled “Forgive Me Father” in 2023. Since then I have made many more.

So we finally get to today. I have waited to talk about my current relationship with religion until the end as I felt the context was necessary, and to be honest it is complicated. As you can tell, It has effected me greatly and has come and gone in my life.

I would say from where I am now, I am not religious. A better way to put it i suppose is i consciously make the choice to not be. Like I said its complicated.

I like to think of it as there is two of me in my body. One is paranoid, scared, and extremely delusional. This is the part that still believes god is communicating with them. This is the person that still prays for forgiveness and cries over the fear of being sent to hell for their sins, all approved and constructed by god himself. and then theres my rational side, which exists im sure solely because of my medication. This part is extremely self aware, can tell when i am being delusional or irrational, who knows this is something caused by my illness. They exist side by side, at the same time, always. They fight in my head for control but always exist simultaniously, think of it like a pie chart. one may be more prevelant but the other is still always there.

So in a way, there is a lot I do personally believe. That being said the reason I do believe is because of my schizophrenia. So I choose to navigate my life as someone who actively does not believe as an attempt to not let the delusion control me. do i think people who are religious are delusional ? I do not, but I know in my personal case what leads me to believe these things is an unwell mind.

I still have an intense fascination with catholicism and religion in general. I think its a beautiful thing, it moves me, but i must keep it at a distance to avoid hurting me. It is not something I can actively engage in outside of general interest because it would kill me, and despite my previous statements i would like to live at least a little longer haha.

With all that said, and I doubt anyone will read this whole thing, its been a rollercoaster of a ride. If anyone has questions about it, feel free to ask. Im an open book about this stuff online most days, and Im willing to offer any information about it.

[polyamorousmood]

ok, so a couple days ago, my boyfriend told me he was poly. Let’s call him K. Now, I thought I had absolutely no problem with that, I myself have been questioning polyamory for a very long time.

so for context, me and K were on a date in a private server in a game (we’re long distance) and C joined us, not realizing we were on a date. We allowed him to third wheel and we all had a bunch of fun.

now, fast forward to the next day, K messages me about wanting to incorporate C into our relationship. We talk for a bit and I thought I was completely fine with starting a poly with him, but there was a little whisper at the back of my mind: “You weren’t a good enough girlfriend, so he needs someone else to fill in the space. Someone better.”

I want him to be happy more than anything, so I shrug it off and agree. We talk to C and wham bam we’re now in a poly. I tried so hard to convince myself I like him in the same way I like K, but.. I couldn’t. I tried to talk to C about it, but I feel like I ruined everything and hurt him. I’ve literally never been in a relationship this long (going on a month and a half, not that long to most people but to me this is crazy cuz my luck is nonexistent) and we haven’t had a single argument or fight or anything.

I’m scared. I know I should’ve said something the moment I had any doubt but I don’t want K to be mad at me for lying, or C to be sad.

now that little voice is screaming “This is your fault. You’re a terrible girlfriend. You should just leave them so C can make K happy. Because you can’t possibly make K happy.”

I have no idea what to do.

Okay, so I had a longer, prettier thing typed up but the Tumbls deleted it. You're getting the quick and dirty version, sorry.

Yeah, you could have been more forthright from the get-go, but 🤷‍♀️you're here now. I don't think everything is ruined necessarily, especially if you're still willing to be friends with C, you're willing to let K and C date without you (and chill with affection between K and C in front of you, etc). Just get on the same page with everyone, explain that you really wanted it to work with all three of you, but its just not working, and that you really want to figure it out because you like them both so much. That last sentence is true regardless of if you're chill with the things mentioned or not.

And then, even though I don't think you're to that point, and hopefully never will be. Heartbreak sucks eggs in hell, and then you're through it and you're fine. This is true for you, it is true of your exes, it is true of any future exes. You will be okay after any breakup, pending some recovery time, and so will everyone else. The more you internalize this belief, the healthier your relationships will be because you'll not be so damn scared of breaking something you can't be yourself. Its a tough thing to learn, but please try.

Additionally, internalize this belief: you will occasionally, accidentally, hurt the people you love. Everyone does. It doesn't mean they're better off without you. Do what you can to make it right and prevent the mistake from happening again, and let it go.

But in the meantime, see if you can't work something out. I don't see why y'all couldn't based on what you said. They're allowed to be bummed and it can still be workable. Best of luck 🍀🫂

[jok13-writings]

Something About Us (Modern AU, Gyuraro x reader) Prt 2

Read part 1 or part 3 |. Read full work on AO3 here

Note: Thank you so much everyone for all the love that the first chapter has received! I'm really happy to be able to post the second part. I apologize for the slow update, but I hope you guys enjoy it! I will continue working on this series and slowly update new chapters here and in AO3. I'm open to any suggestion or tips as always!

Gyutaro was laying in his bed playing some games in his old beaten up PSP when he heard his phone vibrate in his night stand. A sigh of annoyances escaped his lips and placed the console on the bed, feeling a little pissed off for being interrupted while having a moment to relax. He rarely got any message, only from Ume or some of his few friends, so he grabbed it, thinking that probably was one of them. He unlocked the phone and felt his heart do a small jolt as he saw who it belonged to. 

Cute girl from class: “Hey Gyutaro, its Y/N, I was wondering when are you available so we can meet up and start the project ☺️” 

Gyutaro immediately felt his cheeks head up and a bubbly feeling building into his chest, as he stared at the message that you had sent him. “Damn, is that annoying girl again…” he muttered under his breath. Then he ran a hand through his messy black locks in frustration. 

Since the moment that you smiled at him for the first time, he felt a bunch of mixed feelings towards you. He was not used to receiving attention from girls, specially not girls as pretty as you. Normally in high school, girls would look at him in disgust or talk to him just to poke fun on him. The prettiest the girl, the meanies were her to him. 

So when the first day of class you walked towards him and introduced yourself in the sweetest voice he had ever heard, his brain stopped working. He did not know how to react at all, for a moment his defenses came at full force and just told you to “get lost”, leaving as fast as he could in fear of  getting mocked by you. 

He thought that with that you would not talk to him ever again, just like everyone else did when he usually acted like that. But then you continued to smile at him the next day, taking him completely out of guard. When you started to say good morning and greet him almost daily, he started thinking that maybe you were stupid or just out of your mind. He did not understand what exactly did you want from him and felt a little anxious and confused. But even though all that, he secretly craved the attention he was receiving from you.

Slowly, he started to long for those little moments. You were a pretty girl, so why wouldn’t he?  He always ignored you at the beginning, most of the time taken out of guard by your politeness, feeling as if his heart would go out of his chest. But with time, as he got used to it, he would give you sometimes a small nod in acknowledgment. 

He couldn’t help it, but he started to taking notice of you in class, sometimes just staring at you from the distance, watching you interact with your friends or answering questions in class.  He felt a sense of disdain towards you, a typical popular pretty girl with everything in life served in a silver plate…. He couldn’t stand you at all, but for some reason he felt drawn to you, and he hated it. 

Then, one particular day that he skipped class, he received the first message from you in his phone. At the beginning he was confused, not used to receive notifications from unknown numbers. And when he unlocked his phone and saw that it was from a girl that was sending him her notes, well, he was even more confused. 

Why would anyone send him their notes? Specially to him of all people? 

But then he looked at the profile picture of the unknown number and saw a picture of you in a cute blue dress drinking a cocktail, and almost dropped his phone. 

Of course, it had to be the cute girl from class that always smiled at him… He felt his chest flutter. Damn it, why was he feeling like this? 

He did not respond to your message till the next day with a rude tone, but he surely had spent the night looking at your profile picture. 

All this small gestures weren’t small at all for Gyutaro. No one had ever taken the time to acknowledge him like this before, and for the first time in his entire life he felt seen by someone other than his own little sister. 

He hated it, but he was growing attached to a random girl from class for just doing the barely minimum for him. And the worse part is that he did not know how to react to all this kind gestures he was receiving. 

So when he noticed you between the crowd one Saturday in his basketball match, he almost barfed from the anxiety. Why were you there?, could it be the possibility that you were there to see him? It couldn’t be that, surely. 

During the beginning of the match, he couldn’t focus at all, stealing glances at your way all the time. But then he started to feel more motivated by your presence. He wanted to do his best for you, in order to impress you. At the end of the match, he managed to basket four times and performed better than he ever had in a long time. After that day, he really wished you would go see him every match, having the little fantasy of how nice it would be to have for once someone to cheer for him among the grades.

Deep down, he knew that you were shallow and that probably he wasn't even someone special for you. But he couldn’t help but begin to feel a certain way towards you and want to cling into a small feeling of hope. Because maybe… just maybe… you could be interested in him in a certain way, right? After all, you always smiled at him, and more over, for some strange reason that he couldn’t understand, you never looked at him with disgust. It was crazy really, and all his self-deprecating thoughts were screaming at him constantly that he was being delusional. But he couldn’t help it, he was starting to develop a crush on you.

He began to make a conscious effort to suppress those feelings and ignore you even more. He couldn’t let himself be vulnerable like that. But every time he saw you in class and got a glimpse of your smile, his heart melted. 

And then, you did the most unexpected thing… you asked him to be your partner in the next project. 

He wasn’t sure if that wasn’t just a prank or something. You have been nice to him, sure, but why would you even want to do any project with him to begin with?  And what if it was all an elaborate prank to make him fall for you and then make fun of him?  He was paranoid there, so he acted as usual, pretending indifference and anger. But at the end… he couldn’t say no to your cute pretty face, so now he was here, answering your text and agreeing to met up after class on Friday to do the damn stupid project.

What was he getting himself into?  

---

Thanks for reading!

Read part 1 or part 3 |. Read full work on AO3 here

[ask-nurse-curly]

[ask boxes are open again! transcript under the cut]

curls.

it’s like early as fuck

so i’m sure you’re awake, not like you sleep.

happy birthday

this is jimmy btw, don’t ask questions

Oh! Jimmy, hi. Thank you. :-)

...Why are you on Cap's phone?

didn’t i just say don’t ask questions.

well, if you insist on being in my business

cap and i were having a lesson and she left to go do some woman crap

left her phone behind so i figured i’d take the opportunity to be first.

Oh

I see

Well, I appreciate it. Should I expect a protein cake? :-)

better, a pony express cake is on its way

got to love the artificial artificial sugar.

but if we were on earth rn, i’d definitely whip up something fancier

Darn, here goes the surprise I guess. :-)

It's the thought that counts! Maybe next year we'll be on Earth for this.

can a birthday really be a surprise? happens every year.

heh

unless a miracle happens, i don’t think that will be a problem

damn, does cap never message anyone? what a boring life.

I still couldn't count on it being my turn. :-)

What with communal celebrations and all.

But no matter.

She doesn't? I suppose there isn't much going on.

I think it was the most excitement on my end when you had my phone, too.

Wouldn't you rather come talk in person? Leave Anya's phone be?

nah, i’ll catch up with you later but right now i’m pretty comfortable

plus, there’s so much fun stuff on here.

have you ever seen her camera roll?

i didn’t think she was all that vain until i saw all these selfies. if i had service i’d send them to myself.

Uh, no, I can't say that I have.

Well, you're a fan of taking selfies too, aren't you? :-) It's harmless fun.

very, very harmless fun.

thanks for reminding me that i should be taking selfies, she’s got enough storage, she can make room for me

just like you did in your camera roll heh

Well you know me, not really my thing.

How are you and Anya doing? Everything okay?

oh everything is great.

she’s practically all over me, thinks i’m a real savant behind the wheel.

a bit prickly tho. not sure what all that is about.

You're doing great! I'm glad you enjoy it. You've certainly got the brains for piloting.

Hey, maybe by the time Swans retires, you could take over as co-pilot for the crew. :-)

i highly doubt it.

would be nice, bossing people around seems to be fun.

but the likelihood of us being around that long is yikes.

What's that supposed to mean?

nah, just that it seems our kind and benevolent captain has been keeping secrets from us all.

isn’t that sweet of her?

Jim, what are you saying?

when we get home, all of us are getting fired and the queen bee is getting some hot shot promotion.

Fired? Why?

why do you think? you’re smarter than that, curls.

they don’t give a shit about us.

pony express is going under so why do they want to pay for a human crew when robots do it so much better than you.

That's

But

PE is going under? How is Anya getting a promotion then? There must be a mistake of some kind.

fuck if i know. maybe she’s transferring out.

but the letter seems to be pretty clear.

Are you sure?

Maybe there's something we are missing?

not like we would be given all the pieces anyways.

after all, cap didn’t even tell us about this in the first place and she’s been sitting on this letter for awhile.

She...she was going to tell us, I'm sure.

Probably just waiting for the right moment. This isn't easy news to break.

you keep believing that.

do you know how many secrets she keeps?

that woman is like a vault.

but hey, maybe i can convince her to drag me with her and i can get a fancy new job too. i’ll take care of you, curls.

Haha

Yeah, I'm sure we'll figure something out.

It's just a job. Not the end of the world, yeah?

yeah, sure.

except you don’t really have the skills to obtain another good job, yeah?

pony express didn’t exactly hire professionals.

Jim, you know why I had to take this job.

oh yeah? and why is that?

because YOU decided to stick your nose in someone else’s business?

because YOU had to be the good guy and make the sacrifice?

because YOU made a choice and keep feeling the need to throw it back in my face?

you had to take this job because you didn’t have what it takes to do something real. do not put that on me.

Right.

Sorry. I didn't mean it that way.

I'm sure it will work out once we're back.

yeah. i fuckin bet.

anyways, sounds like cap is finally getting out of the shower, so i’m gonna go take mine.

catch you later, curls.

and like i said, happy birthday.

Thanks, Jim.

[infiniteimaginings]

Can you write for Freddie, Icarly, with a jealous reader over Carly please? Also, I loveeeee love your writing!!

Are you...Jealous? (Freddie Benson x GN!Reader)

Summary: You were aware of how Freddie used to feel about Carly, you had witnessed it firsthand. Regardless of his feelings he fell for you, and the two of you got together. You can't stop the ache when you see them together though, you can't stop the nagging thoughts in your mind. What will Freddie do when he notices you acting strangely? Pronouns: You/Yours They/Them Warnings: None Word Count: 3.0k A/N: I'm so embarrassed for taking so long to do this, it's been a week since you sent this. Thank you so much, you're so sweet. Also, thank you for being so patient with me!

It was the end of the school day and you were at your locker, gathering your folders for whatever schoolwork you had to get done for the weekend. You didn’t notice a certain brunette boy walking up to you and leaning on the lockers. You continued moving items around, trying not to let anything fall when the boy cleared his throat causing you to jump slightly at the sound. You turned, a hand on your chest to ease your breathing when you saw who it was. Freddie Benson, your friend of three years and boyfriend of four months. A relaxed smile made its way to your face and you gently rolled your eyes at him, “Hi Freddie.” You greeted, turning back to your locker, grabbing your remaining items and closing the metal locker.

Freddie grinned at you, gripping his backpack strap, “Hey!” He greeted back, looking at you with gentle adoring eyes. He cleared his throat once more, “Do you want to help with a segment today?” He asked, his free hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously. You held a gentle smile but your brows gently furrowed together, “For…iCarly?” You asked, knowing about the webshow, but you only ever watched it. You had gone into the studio before, but you never actually helped with any of the ideas they had. Freddie nodded, confirming your question, kicking himself off the locker. “Yeah!” He answered, pulling out his phone and showing the text sent in the iCarly group chat that consisted of him, Carly, and Sam. You looked down to the phone as he scrolled a bit and got to a message of an idea he presented days ago that the two girls had agreed to. “We’re doing a segment where we have someone pick from ingredients that the audience sends in.” He explained, stepping back a bit to make eye contact with you, “Then Sam and Caly have to try to make something good out of it.” He finished, a big smile on his face, hoping you would say yes.

You nodded your head, the idea sounded extremely fun, but you were still wondering why he chose you. “Are you sure you want me to do it?” You asked, a breathy laugh leaving your lips. Freddie had no doubt and that showed in his expression, “Well, they suggested Spencer but you know how he is with his art pieces.” Freddie spoke, you nodding along with a small ‘Yeah’ as a response, your hand adjusting the strap of your backpack. “Then they suggested me, and I was thinking about you.” He spoke simply, shrugging a bit. Silence stretched between the two of you,students passing by you, the sounds of their feet filling your ears. Freddie soon realized what he said and flushed, looking down and chuckling slightly, “That slipped out, sorry.” He spoke gently, looking up at you with an apologetic gaze but you shook your head. “It was sweet,” You told him, scrunching your nose and smiling at him. “I’ll do it, since you asked so nicely.” Your response made him light up, he put an arm around your waist as the two of you walked out of the school, on your way to the apartments.

Once the two of you reached the apartments, you guys were seen by Lewbert, the doorman. Freddie was dragging you to the stairs to hopefully avoid a conversation but you just couldn’t keep your eyes off the huge and hairy wart on the side of his face. Your jaw dropped slightly, and Freddie thankfully pulled you away before he could say anything or you could say anything. Once you guys reached the floor where Carly and Freddie stayed you looked at your boyfriend with a face of disgust. You had never seen Lewbert before, you were one of the lucky ones, so your reaction was honestly valid to Freddie. “That was…” You tried to speak, but you couldn’t find the words. Freddie squeezed your hand gently with a nod and sighed, “I know, disgusting, horrifying.” He spoke for you, listing off words he thought you were feeling. You nodded at the words but also shook your head, “Uncomfortable.” You finally said and he nodded in agreement, knocking on the front door of Carly's apartment. “I felt like it was…watching me.” You said, scratching your head, Freddie shivering at your description.

The door swung open and you were met with a man with shaggy brown hair looking down to the two of you, that was Carly's older brother Spencer. “Hey you guys!” He greeted, leaving the doorway to let you guys just walk in. “They’re upstairs in the studio.” He said, pointing upstairs as he picked up a bucket of bottle caps and tabs, leading them to the kitchen area. Freddie paid no mind and held your hand tighter, dragging you up the stairs, “Thanks Spencer!” He said, you doing the same. “Thanks Spencer, good luck with your sculpture!” You told him before disappearing up the stairs with Freddie. Spencer held up a thumbs up before going back to the bottle caps and observing his project.

You guys walked through the door to the hallway that was across from the studio door where you could hear Sam and Carly talking. You guys walked through the red door and Freddie dropped your hand for the first time since school ended, “And we are here!” He greeted, hands presenting you as if you were some sort of celebrity. You giggled a bit, smiling gently as you waved to the girls, “Hey!” You greeted the girls walking up to you guys, their own sodas in their hands.

Carly mixed her brown hair over her shoulder, “Hey!” She greeted back, “Are you watching us film today?” She asked you, tilting her head, lips in a sweet smile. Freddie poked his head into her view a bit, “They’re actually going to be picking the audience's chosen ingredients for you guys.” He explained, clasping his hands before going to his camera to set things up. Carly nodded in understanding, having no problem with it.

The blonde, curly headed girl next to her looked like she didn’t care who would be doing it. “Cool.” Sam, the curly headed blonde, spoke, taking another swig of her drink. Carly playfully bumped Sam's shoulder and looked back at you, “Don't pick anything too gross.” She whispered to you, knowing they would all probably end up trying it at the end. You hissed through your teeth playfully, “I can’t promise anything.” You teased to which she laughed and shook her head, putting her soda down. Sam followed, cracking her knuckles, “I’m gonna make Freddie eat it at the end anyways.” She spoke, the boy in question yelling out a ‘Hey!’ when he grabbed the mics for the girls to put on themselves. He grabbed an extra one for you since you were going to be speaking and instead of letting you put it on yourself he gently clipped it to the top of your pants so it wouldn’t fall off. He looked up at you with soft eyes when he finished. When he picked up his head the two of you were so close, noses almost touching, you felt you could hear his heartbeat. He grinned at you, “Good luck.” He whispered before walking backwards to grab the camera.

Carly instructed you to stand at the side so they could introduce you and you did just that. Freddie pulled the camera up and started his countdown, “In 5, 4, 3, 2..." He spoke, pointing to Sam and Carly when they went live. 

The two immediately got close to the camera, “Hey hey hey!” Carly spoke,shaking her head, moving so Sam could do the same. “Are you guys ready for another…” Sam began, Carly pressing her face to hers. “Weird and Wacky challenge!” They announced, Sam sounding applause and laughter from her remote. They backed up so the majority of their bodies could be shown, Freddie backing up as well, continuing to steady the camera. Sam explained the concept of the challenge and then said, “You guys are going to send in the weirdest ingredients you can think of and we’re going to pick a big group of those ingredients to use today.” Carly nodding along, her hands moving to your direction, “And we have our good friend here today to help!” She introduced you, Freddie turned the camera to himself, “The love of my life.” He spoke with a dopey smile before turning it to your blushing figure. You waved, “Hi!” You spoke quietly, the other three smiling at you. Sam sighed, “I would say he paid them but he didn’t have money for lunch.” She spoke, nodding her head, pushing the laughter button on her remote. Freddie looked at her blankly behind the camera, “Because you took it.” He reminded her and she nodded quickly with a toothy smile, hand gesturing to him in a ‘duh’ motion. “What I said still stands.” She said, rolling her eyes, Freddies eye twitched slightly but he shook his head to ignore it.

Carly and Sam turned the attention to the tv where the feed of ingredient suggestions would pop up where you would decide. They stepped back, you stepping forward to look at it, thinking slightly. You hummed slightly, pointing at the words as you said them slightly, Sam and Carly keeping track of them. “Pineapple…” You spoke first, pointing to it, Carly nodding, thinking she could make something nice out of that. “Pickles, and Marshmallows!” Any hope the two had of having anything good diminished the moment you said that. “Gummy bears.” You continued on, “Popcorn, chocolate syrup!” You pointed them out, the group thinking you were genuinely making a dessert. You thought a bit as the list went on, “Peanut butter.” You called out, they added it to the list. Soon enough a mischievous smirk fell on your face, Sam smiled with you a bit but Carly stood awkwardly, unsure of what you were about to say. You scrunched your nose as you spoke “Jalapenos,” You started, not giving anyone time to speak as you listed the next one, “Canned tuna.” The words make Freddie want to gag since Sam was going to make him eat it whether he wanted to or not. “And…hot sauce!” You finally spoke, turning to them, hands behind your back with an innocent smile. 

Carly grimaced but giggled a bit, “Thank you!” She spoke, Sam and her hands gesturing to you as you bowed and stood next to Freddie. Sam clasped her hands together, “Let's get started!” She spoke excitedly as she pointed to the camera, Carly doing the same.

The two set up everything, two separate tables with all the ingredients. Carly tried to meticulously place everything together into something that looked edible whilst Sam put it all in a bowl and mixed it together, the concoction looked like vomit. Freddie turned the camera to himself once more, “Carly is doing amazing, per usual.” He commented, turning the camera back to the girls. The statement didn’t mean much, but Freddie continued making those comments within the entire video. He said how great she was doing, how Sam's shirt was covered in her mixture and Carly was still clean and pretty.

You understood they were friends, you understood that this is how they were in every video, you understood that before you there was Carly. You had watched Freddie profess his love to Carly, the flowers he had brought, how long his crush had gone on, how he looked at Carly. He rambled to you about the girl, how adoring he was about her. When he asked you on a date you genuinely were confused. The first words that left your mouth were, “that’s funny” because you didn’t realize he was serious. He had been so kind to you, so loving, like he worshiped every step you took. He treats you so well, and you always feel terrible when the thoughts of how he felt about Carly return to you. How could someone who was so deeply in love with another, move on, on a random Wednesday? It pricks at the back of your mind like someone continuously pins the thought to you so you never forget it.

When he looked over at you, you shook the thoughts off and gave him a smile, he returned before turning back to focus the camera.

When the two girls finished, Freddie carefully passed the camera to you so he could unfortunately try to eat it. He walked up to their plates, already knowing neither of them tasted good, his deep frown and contorted face of disgust showed that. He tried Carlys first, putting his hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t spit it out. He chewed it, some of the juice of the pineapple escaping and somehow he swallowed it. After he did he was gasping for breath, holding his chest as if it were burning his heart. He then turned to Sams which was just, a soup. He took a spoonful and tried his best to swallow it until Sam decided to speak out, “I added the sweat from my uncle's socks for flavor.” She said nonchalantly. The comment caused Fredie to immediately spit it out and rush to the bathroom to most likely go puke. 

The two girls in front of the camera you held paid no attention, this being an expected reaction, Carly put her hands on her hips, “I thought your uncle was in jail?” She wondered aloud, Sam shaking her head as she sat in one of the bean bag chairs, “No, my uncles are on parole, my cousin is in jail.” She specified, hands over her stomach in a relaxed position. Carly let out a small ‘Ah’ in understanding. You turned off the camera when you were told to, placing it on the tech rack as the two girls went to the living room of Carly's home. “You can come down when you want!” Carly told you as the girls went to the elevator and you nodded with a smile, telling her you’ll be there soon enough.

After the show you stepped outside the studio door and sat on the floor, sighing to yourself and hitting your head to get the thoughts out. “She is pretty.” You mumbled to yourself, crossing her arms over your knees when you pulled them closer to your chest. “Who ya talking about?” A familiar voice spoke from next to you, you looked over and saw Freddie walking out the room. He sat next to you, curling his legs up into the same position, looking at you. You shook your head, “No one, just thinking.” You said to him, hoping that would be enough for him to drop it. It wasn’t. He laughed gently, “What’s wrong? You seem a little upset.” He spoke gently, bumping his shoulder with yours to try to cheer you up. You inhaled sharply, “Nothing, Carlys downstairs, you can tell her about how good her mixture was.” You spoke, your words coming out harsher than you meant them to.

Freddies brows furrowed as he relaxed a bit, “What?” He asked, but you didn’t respond. He thought about your comment for a bit with a confused expression but soon it relaxed and he chuckled a bit. “Wait..” He spoke, licking his lips, using his hand to balance as he faced you. “Are you…jealous?” He asked you, tilting his head. You looked away and he gently used his hands to bring your face to turn to him, your eyes still didn’t meet his. “You were in love with her,” You spoke quietly, swallowing hard, your fingers tapping your knees, “are you sure you aren’t still in love with her?” You asked him, tears threatening to fill your eyes but you quickly stopped it by wiping your eyes a bit, though your nose warmed at the feeling of you crying. Freddie looked at you with apologetic eyes, he never even thought about how you could feel when he still hangs out with Carly and how he acted about her before. He sighed, trying to think of what to say, his silence only upsetting you more. “I really like you…” He spoke gently, taking one of your hands in his, “No, that’s not right.” He said, shaking his head, face warming when your eyes met him in confusion. He took a deep breath, scooting closer to you so there would be no space between your shoulders. “I love you,” His words made you shudder, “and that isn’t going to change.” He told you, the words causing your eyes to widen. “I had a crush on Carly, yeah…but that ended when I noticed how your eyes light up when you get excited about something.” He told you, the eye contact was getting a bit overwhelming. “It ended when you grabbed my hand to drag me somewhere you invited me to.” He continued on playing with her fingers, your knees touching. “It ended when you said yes to go on that date with me.” He finished, light sparkling in his eyes when he spoke to you.

You searched his eyes for a moment, to see if there was any spec of a lie, but you couldn’t find any. Your eyes flickered from his to his lips, back to his eyes. You bit your lip slightly before sighing out a laugh, “I love you too Freddie.” You said gently, smiling at him, feeling much better. Freddie noticed the glances you gave him and his face flushed before he leaned in slowly, giving you plenty of time to pull away. You didn’t. His lips made contact with yours and pulled away just as quickly as they connected, “I love you, please never forget that.” He told you quietly, looking at your glistening eyes, before leaning to kiss you once more, your hands placing themselves on his shoulders.

[never-enough-books-ever]

Mine and only

Avery x Jameson

A/n: I will tell you guys beforehand that I'm writing after a veryyyy long time and I have never written between charecters so this is gonna be absolute shit so heed all warnings. I had this idea for god knows how long and today was finally my day off so I wanted to get it down with🙏🙏

ALL COMMENTS, REBLOGS AND LIKES ARE APPRECIATED

Guys pls tell me what you think I'm scared

Tags: im just tagging random people I accidentally deleted my taglist so if you want to be removed or added pls let me know

@x-liv25-jamieswife @f4iry-bell @wish-i-were-heather @lanterns-and-daydreams @reminiscentreader @lyra-kane @jkriordanverse @shuhuaspookie @whatsamongus @littlemissmentallyunstable @nonerrata-myarchives @thelov3lybookworm

Avery pov

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jameson asked suddenly, breaking me out of my thought process. I was looking at him like that because I was realising how much in love I was with him but he didn't need to know that. It would inflate his ego far too much

“Nothing. I just spaced out” I tell him. We were planning the riddles and the next games of the grandest game together when I just spaced out. I was thinking of a way to surprise him because he had been too restless lately, more so than usual.

Jameson had been tapping a pen against the table, a rhythm too quick to be casual, his restless energy filling the room. He didn’t notice when Nash strolled in, humming Lover under his breath, but I did. It was an innocent enough moment—Nash probably didn’t realize he’d just handed me the perfect idea.

Jameson needed a distraction, something out of the ordinary, and I had just the idea.

“Back in five,” I told him, standing abruptly.

Jameson tilted his head, his sharp green eyes narrowing in curiosity. “And here I thought we were deep in the throes of game planning.”

“We are,” I said, grabbing my phone as I walked out. “I just had an epiphany.”

I didn’t give him a chance to ask more questions, slipping into the hallway and shooting a quick message to Xander:

Need your help. Candlelight dinner. Karaoke. Don’t ask. Just be discreet

The reply came almost instantly:

I live for this level of chaos. Consider me in. Do we need fire extinguishers?

Hopefully not. But, knowing us, maybe bring one.

Xander: I’ll bring 2:)

With Xander on board, I got to work. The kitchen staff didn’t bat an eye when I asked for their help setting up a private candlelit dinner in one of Hawthorne House’s more intimate dining rooms.

By the time everything was ready, the dining room glowed with a golden light, candles flickering across the pristine tablecloth. The theater room, just down the hall, waited for its big moment.

Now came the tricky part: getting Jameson there without ruining the surprise.

I found him exactly where I’d left him, still flipping through a notebook of potential riddles for the Grandest Game. His knee was bouncing slightly—a telltale sign of his restlessness.

“Come with me,” I said, leaning against the doorframe.

He glanced up, his brow quirking in suspicion. “Where to?”

“You’ll see.”

“Do I need to solve a puzzle first?” he asked, his grin teasing but curious.

“Not this time,” I replied, offering him my hand. “Just trust me.”

He stood, his gaze flickering with intrigue, and took my hand without hesitation. I led him through the hallways, my heart pounding with equal parts excitement and nerves. Jameson was a master at unraveling surprises—would he figure it out before we even got there?

The moment we entered the candlelit dining room, he stopped short. His eyes swept over the table, the soft glow of the candles reflected in his pupils.

“Avery,” he said, his voice low and almost reverent. “What is this?”

“A distraction,” I admitted. “You’ve been restless lately, and I thought…” I trailed off, suddenly feeling self-conscious under his gaze.

He turned to me, his expression unreadable. “You thought what?”

“That you could use a break,” I said, forcing myself to meet his eyes. “A little fun. No riddles, no games. Just… this, us.”

“It’s perfect,” he said softly, while smiling.

Dinner was a quiet affair, filled with easy conversation and the occasional teasing remark from Jameson, but there was an undercurrent of anticipation. He didn’t know about the next part yet, and I couldn’t wait to see his reaction.

After the last of the dishes had been cleared, I stood and offered him my hand again. “We’re not done.”

“There’s more?” His grin was back, sharp and eager. “You’re spoiling me, Heiress.”

I led him down the hall to the theater room, pushing the door open with a flourish. The soft glow of the LED stars greeted us, and Jameson’s eyes lit up as he took in the karaoke setup.

“Karaoke?” he said, his tone somewhere between surprise and delight. “Avery Kylie Grambs, You’re full of surprises tonight.”

“Not just any karaoke,” I clarified, motioning for him to sit on the oversized couch positioned perfectly in front of the makeshift stage. “This one’s for you.”

Before he could process what I meant, I grabbed the microphone, queued up the song, and stepped into the spotlight.

The piano intro to Taylor Swift’s “London Boy” began to play. Jameson leaned forward, his lips parting in disbelief as my voice filled the room.

“I love my London boy…”

I couldn’t help but grin at his reaction. He looked equal parts amused and astonished, his trademark smirk softening into something warmer, something unguarded.

As I sang, I poured everything into the performance—every playful tease, every bit of affection I couldn’t quite put into words. I twirled, I gestured, and I even managed a wink that made Jameson chuckle out loud.

“Oh, I fancy you…”

As the song went on, I felt myself relax, reveling in the way Jameson watched me, his gaze never wavering. When the final line faded into silence, I let the microphone drop to my side, my heart pounding.

Jameson stood and crossed the room in a few swift strides. “That,” he said, his voice low and filled with something I couldn’t quite place, “was the most ridiculous, over-the-top, utterly perfect thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“Even better than your puzzles?” I teased, trying to mask my nerves.

He didn’t answer, not with words. Instead, he stepped closer, his hand brushing mine. “Thank you,” he said, his tone soft and sincere. “For knowing exactly what I needed, even when I didn’t.”

I smiled up at him, feeling a warmth spread through me. “You’re welcome, Hawthorne. Now, are you going to sing, or am I the only one embarrassing myself tonight?”

“Oh, Heiress.” His grin returned, mischievous and full of life. “You should know by now—I never back down from a challenge.”

And just like that, Jameson Winchester Hawthorne grabbed the microphone, ready to turn the night into a duet of chaos and laughter.

[f1crecs]

Fic Rec List - Action AUs (Giveaway Winner Post)

if your fic is on this list and you don’t want it to be, please let me know and we will remove it immediately, no questions asked. we have contacted most of the authors on this list, but sometimes��people fall through the gaps - just pop us a message🤍

have a pairing you want us to do next? please read the faqs and then head to the inbox.

don’t forget to give the authors featured on this list some love in the form of kudos, bookmarks, and comments!

hi @onboardsorasora thank you SO MUCH for your request, and congratulations again for winning the giveaway ❤️ we are so sorry that this took such a long time to get to you... unfortunately the mod team have been rather busy with all sorts of things: wedding planning and driving lessons and travelling abroad and writing copious amounts of smut. we hope this was worth the wait ❤️

Daniel/Max

nsfw: I struck a match and blew your mind by @33max | Not Rated | 4.1k

Max is a getaway driver and starts to work with Daniel on jobs. I loved the pacing of this fic. There's so much detail and progress within this and the author really did a great job of picking which parts to highlight for the plot progression. I loved Max's commitment to Daniel.

“I am, I promise. I think it’s just a broken rib or two.” Daniel says, and his hand comes up to squeeze Max’s shoulder from the backseat. There is blood on his knuckles. “C’mon Maxy, be a good boy and get us out of here.” So Max does. He gets them out of there, but he feels sick. Not because they almost got caught, but because he knows that if Daniel really had needed to go to the hospital he would not have been able to leave him there. He would have let them both get caught over leaving Daniel alone and hurt on a hospital doorstep.

nsfw: strangers by bloodmoonforme | E | 37.9k

Daniel, a detective, is on a not-quite-dead-end murder case when they bring in Max from out of state to help him solve it. They have history and havent seen each other in four years. I loved the tone in this so much. The author has a very coherent narrative that build just right, its really intriguing. I also love how the reader almost solves the case too. Not only the murder case, but the /what happened to Max and Daniel/ case that gets revealed throughout. Its a truly well written fic with a lot of action and feelings!

He gets up, his stomach feeling heavier and colder by the second. There's something creeping all the way from his fingers, up his arms and to his belly, a prickly sick thing. Then he looks towards the center of the room, marked by a well-worn rug. Daniel stands there, alone in Esther’s bedroom, standing in the half-light. He's there, and suddenly he’s not.

nsfw: Bite Down and Taste Red by @mysticalbreadcollective | E | 46.5k

Max works in a bar, and Daniel is the Mafia Boss who keeps buying drinks. This story is absolutely captivating - from beginning to end, it is so beautifully written and paced, with just enough angst to make things truly delicious. Daniel is so much fun here - hot and charismatic and so very head over heels for his bartender!

He finds out that Max speaks several languages, and he’s from a place called Hasselt, which means absolutely nothing to Daniel. He’d looked it up later, on the map on his phone, squinting at it. Compared with the US, its miniscule. He can’t imagine Max being born in a place so small. When Max is so – much.

Carlos/Lando & Daniel/Max

i'll race you for pinks by @chubbydinosaur | M | 30k

Lando is brought on to a heist by professional criminal, Carlos. Sparks fly. This story is such a fun ride - as always, this author perfectly balances humour, emotion, and high stakes action, and it makes for a thrilling read. Lando is so disarmingly charming in this - I adored him!

Daniel/Lando

til the bone crush by @clementiaes | T | 19k

Pacific Rim is perfect for Formula 1 AUs, and this is one of my favourite examples. Daniel and Lando are paired as Jaeger pilots. Both are coming off of other drift partners with baggage - Daniel from Max after Max’s career ending injury, and Lando from something that could have been a relationship with Carlos, had Lando’s insecurities not buried it before it started. Lando is prickly, closed-off and miserable at the start of this story, convinced he is unlovable. This story is about him gently and gradually being opened up to the realisation that people love him, and that he deserves to be loved.

The point is, no one is getting tired of you any time soon,” Daniel says. “Seriously, who even told you that?” Lando looks down at his hands, picking at a hangnail. “No one. I just — I know I’m not easy to get along with.” Daniel frowns. “You deserve to be happy,” he says, finally. “You know that, right?” Lando looks down at his knees. “Look at me, Lando,” Daniel says, but Lando doesn’t. His shoulders are starting to creep back up near his ears again. Daniel’s moving before he quite knows what he’s doing. He gets one hand on Lando’s shoulder and one on his chin, turning his face so that he’ll look at him. Lando sucks in a sharp breath, eyes wide, but to Daniel’s surprise, he doesn’t pull away. “I don’t know how you got it into your head that you’re like, unlovable, or something, but it’s not true,” Daniel says. “Really. You think you can believe that for me?”

Charles/Sebastian

He Is All, And He Is More by @effervescentdragon | M | 15k

In this AU of The Old Guard, Sebastian and Charles are immortals that meet on the battlefield during the Crusades. They kill one another over and over, until they reach a tentative understanding. Their relationship deepens over the centuries. It can be difficult to write characters as ancient and make them feel ancient, and Akira really does. I love the tentative way they negotiate one another, and the understanding they gradually come to. Battlefield enemies to lovers is quite the relationship arc.

"And if we only met a thousand of years from now, you would still be wearing red.” “Why?” Sebastian shrugs, a grin evident in the dark. “Your red string dictates it. Fate, or something. Destiny. Red suits you. You look good in red.” Charles bites his tongue. “So do you.”

Lewis/Nico/Sebastian

on golden sands by sionisjaune | T | 6.2k

Lewis Hamilton is planning the heist of the century and he wants Sebastian Vettel on his team. The target - Baron Nico Rosbergs car collection. Sounds simple on paper but reality never is. Oceans Eleven heist!au. Who doesnt love a good heist!au? This author writes some of my favourite sebcedes, the characterisations are spot on and the vibes are at turns wholesome and rancid. Perfection in a fic!

Rosberg greets Seb at the gate, behind the windshield of a pale blue Bentley. The paint job sparkles in the golden sunlight, and the hood ornament gleams chrome. The gates roll open at his whim with an ear-splitting, metallic sound. Rosberg beckons animatedly from behind the wheel, and Seb gets the message that he should leave his car and join Rosberg in the Bentley for the ride up to the house. […] Before Seb can slide into the passenger's side of the Bentley, Rosberg has to shoo a pudgy English bulldog into the backseat. It clambers, ungainly, over the console and waddles into the back, collapsing in a happy, wrinkly lump on the leather seats. “Who’s this?” Seb asks, watching long strings of drool ooze from the dog’s flabby mouth onto the pristine interior of Rosberg’s classic Bentley. Seb once saw an R-type Bentley much like this one go for two and a half million at auction. “This is Roscoe,” says Rosberg, long-sufferingly. “The result of an unfortunate affair.”

Charles/Pierre

Hic Svnt Leones by @cerona10 | M | 32.6k

Charles is different to how Pierre remembers him. The world-building in this fic is second to none - it’s absolutely stunning! The world feels so full and alive, and it’s easy to get completely sucked in. The way they build in exposition is so clever and natural feeling, and the action is exhilirating and fun to read. Perfect!

His shadow isn’t his own, not anymore. It shakes and shimmers, fighting against its own shape. His shadow’s head twists and breaks before mending itself into that of a horse, neighing and trashing, a single horn jutting out from its forehead. Its jaw unhinges and it begins breathing heavily, drool escaping its mouth like a waterfall.

Fernando/Lance

nsfw: Venus Flytrap by @pitconfirm | E | 25.7k (wip)

Professional criminal Fernando Alonso is recruited for a job. His mission: seduce Lance Stroll. This fic is RED HOT. From the very first few sentences, Fernando exudes this confidence that is so much fun to read. Contrasted with Lance - pouty, privileged, and surprisingly vulnerable - the dynamics are gorgeous. This author is so fantastic at dialogue and pacing, and this fic flows so beautifully. I can't wait to read more!

Once they reach the games room, it’s easy to spot him among the crowd. For the past few days, Fernando has been memorising every freckle on Lance’s skin. He could recognise him from just the curl of hair on his tender nape, but the most striking thing about Lance is his demeanour—elbows rested on the roulette table while he boredly holds his head in his hands, huffing in disappointment when he loses again. His carelessness stands out starkly against the opulent golden trims and old paintings covering every wall. A boy like Lance doesn’t belong in a place like this, but money talks.

nsfw: green light, red wine (and i don't feel fine) by @vicsy | E | 18.8k (wip)

Fernando is the Mafia boss who owns the club that Lance Stroll - son of his biggest rival - wanders into. This story is SO HOT. The tension between them is palpable, and they bounce off each other so well. You get the feeling that both of them are underestimating each other, and it makes for so much delicious tension. Amazing!

There aren’t many opportunities Fernando deliberately missed in his life. He wouldn’t be on top if he did. Right next to him, clad in a tight white t-shirt, sits an opportunity for a power move, the one Fernando would take all the way.

[bellsluck]

☆ about me ☆

hii, i’m bells!

thought it was about time i made an introduction.

i’m 21, a capricorn sun, leo moon, cancer rising (astrology freak), my ethnicity is a little complicated but i’ll put it as half british and half portuguese. i can speak english and portuguese fluently and have a half-decent grasp of spanish. i’ve lived in the uk for most of my life. sexuality: no labels.

i’d say i’m new to tumblr as this is the first time in my life i’m actually using it regularly, i think I’ve got the hang of it now. i feel so at home on here and i love having new mutuals hehe. feel free to message about literally anything (save me from the “singles in your area looking for-” dms, i beg).

☆ interests ☆

i love writing and reading, fanfic, music and film, generally just immersing myself in other worlds tbh. kisses to pinterest, ao3 and wattpad. tumblr now too i guess.

seemingly never ending harry potter obsession. marauders era, hogwarts legacy era, etc. slytherin girly. i was part of hptok at its peak in like 2020/2021, my page was basically dedicated to it. it was so much fun.

also star wars, specifically the hayden christensen trilogy, but i love the ogs too and i thinkmy favourite spin-offs are the mandalorian and obi-wan kenobi. if i ever get married it will be at lake como, idc how many times it's been done. i was at one of the filming locations last summer (theed palace) and almost crying like a little biatch.

i like video games too (mostly play on switch), but i’m very picky when it comes to finding ones i actually like, then I will rack up hours on it like there's no tomorrow… we love hyperfixation over here. love love love stardew valley, animal crossing and games along those lines but atm i’ve been doing my rounds on the resident evil games (re2 og, re4 remake, re6, down bad for leon kennedy) and also hogwarts legacy, i’ve finished most of it, i just have to complete my field guide now (desperately want to replay for the sebastian quests, also the new mod stuff is so cool!).

music wise, i listen to lots of different stuff, constantly go through phases, but for my all timers, aka can quote their discography from start to finish, i’d probably say lana del rey, radiohead, the weeknd and nirvana. recently it’s been lots of david bowie, queen, beabadoobee, portishead, fleetwood mac, the beatles… i could go on.

always open to recommendations for songs, playlists, films, series, games, books, fanfics, or anything, i love it all.

☆ onto the topic of shifting... ☆

i am happy to announce i am free from the shackles of “shift-tok”. if yk, yk. 

i’ll take this as a chance to ask nicely for any antis to please, please, not interact from here on out. thank you.

so, i initially found out about shifting on hptok 2020 (huge surprise ik) and so obviously i wanted to go to hogwarts. like??

needless to say i got caught up in all the tiktok misinformation, blatant lies, complicated asf methods, self explanatory. sorry younger-me. i could explain more but all in all i was too impatient and clueless, didn't really know what i was doing at all, eventually got bored, busy with school, and assumed everyone was lying (a few were, it seems).

 i completely forgot about it all after that until i came across a shifting post on reddit a few weeks ago. my tiktok fyp started filling with shifting/manifestation videos too right after. i was coincidentally in between a rewatch of the harry potter films at this point too. you know where this is going. i started seeing tiktoks from smaller creators just answering people’s questions about shifting, and it was all so different from all the stuff i’d heard years ago, spoken about in a completely different way, which just made so much sense to me and was so intriguing. i decided to delve into it all once again. it was those same creators who also would mention tumblr, and i, who had just joined tumblr for writing related stuff not long ago, decided to start searching up things related to shifting.

 i eventually came across some great accounts and information, stories of experiences, motivation, help. i started reading “journeys out of the body” by robert monroe too, so interesting, btw, and have since began my own shifting/exploring consciousness journey (i try to be careful what words i use for things, for lots of reasons, and i understand everyone might use different terms, reminder that i haven’t been on here for that long). it’s been amazing so far. 

(i may have straight up searched shifting realities on google the other day. curiosity got the best of me. it was bad. don’t do it.)

to not mislead anyone, no, i haven’t actually had a full experience in my specific “dr” yet. however it’s only been a small amount of time and i’ve already had lots of different types of sensations and experiences that i’ve never had before and it’s all so beautiful and interesting to me. i definitely view things a lot differently than i did before. i have shiftblr to thank for it.

i adore finding new shifter blogs and reading everything on them, so if i’m giving stalker behaviour it just means i’m loving your stuff or you're all over my feed. 

idk what i’m even going to post about yet, if or when i do. maybe i’ll write a bit into my “journey” so far, any experiences or how and what i do to get into certain states, about my dr, or stuff i’m just nerdy about in general. 

fyi just because i write does not mean i will always use any grammatical skills at all when writing for blog. sorry ;)

if you ever have any questions i’ll love you forever i will answer as best as i can.

this wasn’t all that exciting but i just wanted a little intro because i’m always blank on my socials. 

 thanks for reading !!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨���˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆

[lovebvni]

Pick - A -Pile (love themed from 07.30.2022)

again, briefing you by saying this is from 2022. i was a different person two years ago, LMFAO

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│ᵒᵖᵉⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ...

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[ 🖊 ] created ⋮ 18.7.22

[  ] published ⋮  30.7.22

˚₊·͟͟͟͟͟͟͞͞͞͞͞͞➳❥ ꒰ ⌨ ✰ Arsyn   ⋆  ⁱˢ ᵗʸᵖⁱⁿᵍ··· ꒱ | ೃ࿔₊•

┊       ⋆     welcome to my blog !

┊     °

For starters, I am so sorry how long its been since i did a pick a pile (2 months?) and I'm praying this isn't my last one of the year. I'm moving and I cant bring my tarot card with me and I'm worried I wont have them for a while.. Anyways lets stop being depressing.

Hello! Welcome to a pick a pile. This is a general reading, everything should be taken with a grain of salt. Hundreds of people may read this, everything I say in your pile(s) will NOT resonate. Today we have (the first one is pretty much 2 different piles)4 piles and the following questions.

1. How far are you on your shifting journey?

2. a general message from ur s/o.

along with these questions i will give things that may draw you to your pile. i will be using tarot and oracle cards.

now please take everything with a grain of salt!

breathe in...

and out...

now please, pick a pile or two

[pile 1,2

pile 3,4]

Welcome pile one!!

let me see what may resonate for this pile before this reading, as confirmation this is the right pile: true, the colour hot pink, passion, cold-hearted and cold-blooded, "remember why you started", "everything is for a reason", "life isnt fair sometimes, and that sucks", deities, ocean, water, "i'd rather do this alone"

For the first question, How far are you in your shifting journey?

the lovers

ok so there are 2 different energies in this pile. the first one being those in the honeymoon era, they're just beginning shifting and think its everything and more! romanticizing the idea of being with their s/o and shifting. you're almost turning a blind eye to the other parts of shifting, the fact its ACTUAL FUCKING LIFE! its not just a perfect place, man, its like your cr. you're going to have altercations, fights, and everything else.the others are in the ones who know about shifting, and have been doing it for a few months, maybe even years. you're in the people who know how it is but you're getting back into shifting. who are starting to love it and understanding that shifting is a great thing that you shouldn't have stopped/taken that long of a break. you're almost in a 'new love/ new beginnings' era. you're getting reading to pull off the side of the highway. GET BACK INTO IT!! YOU GOT THIS!!

What does your s/o want to tell you?

so i was called to get an oracle card for this.

"Nothing is yet set in stone, mutable moon" and "Expect a powerful change, new moon eclipse"

The Chariot

these are for the two different energies. the first honeymoon era people are being told you can change how you are and how you see things. dont change your whole personality ofc, just how you see things. dont hold it back. waves change sometimes, the water isnt a different formula though. sobbing of course loki's card came out. you're going to move forward at a rapid pace, and have fun with it! take this and you'll shift soon!

3 of cups 3 of swords

the new beginnings era is reflected in the new moon. new ways of seeing things, new methods, change. theres a lot of change. going on, new ways of seeing things. new friends, new advice. stop doing this alone, its only hurting you, i feel like your energy was in my last pick a pile too. sharing is the best way to understand things. people can relate and give advice to move forward. I feel like you've been in a heartbreak before/toxic friendships/or you're just shy so you dont want to talk to theres about this. you need to communicate. it will help you a LOT.

thank you pile 1!! i hope this resonates 

welcome pile 2!

confirmation this is the right pile: late nights, deep breathing, burning bridges, endings, cupid, wings, outdoors, flowers, loops, asleep methods. purple, blue, shinsou, iida, speed, fire signs, water signs.

1. How far are you on your shifting journey?

oracle: have faith in ur dreams waxing crescent moon, dont let pride get in your way

tarot: the sun, three of swords reversed, four of cups

i feel like this pile has overcome a lot. you guys may have shifter or are VERY VERY close to shifting. i mean like days or even a few weeks away. this pile may make you really like self centered almost? may have been told this before but as long as you dont get cocky, you will shift. dont roll your eyes and say 'ugh, this again'. YOU GOT THIS! try meditating before you shift. maybe try channeling for advice. a friend what they heard for you. do one of those 'what messages do you hear for me' things! they may be helpful. i also recommend that you use an asleep method, and visualize what you feel. i dont care if you're "not good at it" just fucking try man, you're getting nowhere by pouting.

2. a message from your s/o.

oracle: show the world the real you full moon in aquarius, hold your vison fixed moon

tarot: three of wands reversed, five of wands reversed

with these two cards coming out i heard "i know you feel like youre back tracking, but you're really not. keep pushing yourself, dont let anything change how. do take the advice you have been given and dont ire yourself. if you feel like its not the night, keep pushing because your brain could just be telling you otherwise. listen to your heart.

welcome pile 3! it is 12:23AM as im typing this

heres confirmation this is ur pile!

: 711, stubborn, holding onto the past, letting go, pink, red, past love, new love, royalty dr, red and blue, SERIOUS mood swings, tamaki, ohchs, polyamory

1. How far are you on ur shifting journey?

oracle: work through your fears new moon in scorpio, conlusions are winthin reach full moon eclipse

tarot: ten of torches (wands) reversed, 10 of cups reversed, queen of torches, two of swords,

i feel like this pile is holding onto past fears/anxieties. you need to push through these and you'll see big changes. i heard shadow work and i feel like you've done this before/been told to do this before. but you didnt. i feel like there was a manipulative divine feminine energy here. someone who was passionate and maybe your relationship/friendship fell apart. i feel sad for this pile because you guys were really close to you. you trusted them with your life. you're still sad about this. heartbreak happens.

2. message from ur s/o

oracle: believe in the impossible, blue moon

tarot: page of cups, the sun reversed, 3 of coins

i feel like your s/o is saying although you dont know who they are (your s/o may be undecided) but they're watching you during your highs and lows. they're rooting for you. they're so happy you're shifting. they want to hug you so tight one day and just be able to stay with you. i hear that sometimes your highs and lows are uncontrolable, shadow work may help you. you may have tried shifting in a past life and gave up completely. this is the life you will finally do it.

Pile 4!

Last pile! yall dont know how happy i am to be on the last pile. its almost 1:30 am im tired asf bc i fixed my sleep schedule.

confirmation: addiction, sweets, hearts, queen of hearts, alice in wonderland, playing cards, 333, missing out/feeling left out,

How far are you on your shifting journey?

oracle: i was guided not to grab any

tarot: the hanged man, nine of torches, three of pentacles reversed

you're at a point of being stuck. like you were in a web. you're moving out of it a little bit but you stopped and said "well the rain will get me out." you're relaxing trying to let the universe do the work. take that knife out your pocket and get to work man! you're wanting something but doing nothing. thats lazy. if you dont put anything in theres no chance of getting it back.

A message from your s/o.

oracle: Thake your time and breathe out disseminating moon

tarot: ace of wands, temperance reversed, three of wands, ace of cups reversed

you know you have great creative potential. why dot you use it to make your own method? write what makes you so happy to shift. express how much you love your s/o in a letter. they're telling you to use this creativity you have stored up in you for the good. it will benefit you and everyone around you. you may inspire someone else! they're telling you to take a step back from a hard situation and work on a side quest, almost. it will help you in the long run (like getting a level advantage over one of the bosses) i can tell you're getting impatient. learn that everything happens for a reason. take a break. focus on something else. dont make shifting the only thing you're looking forward to in life. okay? once you do this you'll move forward although it will be hard to realize (for you) that shifting ISNT WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT!

thank you all for reading! i hope it resonated. i worked on this from 11pm to 2 am omg

ONCE AGAIN, THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED IN 2022.

[yoroshiu]

Hiya friend! If you're still open to doing some translation, I have a scene I'd love for your thoughts on. It's one in KH3, called Xigbar's Admonishment. I'm especially interested in Xigbar's dialog, as I believe it frames the story of KH3 as a whole. However, Sora's reaction to it all is of course interesting to me as well.

-Nyssa

Hi! I'm so happy to get a translation ask! I locked in and did this in one go so there's a small chance of mistakes or missed nuances, but from what I got, there's a lot of differences that change the subtleties. Doing this was a mix of my own knowledge and using translators for the kanji I wasn't as familiar with, so I hope it's coherent enough TvT

And I'm the same when it comes to this cutscene, it has a grip on me TvT

So below, I'll put the translation, my notes, and thoughts/analysis. It's a little on the long end but I hope this'll be an interesting read. If anything's unclear or confusing or if there's questions overall, let me know ^o^

Kingdom Hearts 3 - "Xigbar's Admonition"

X: Iyaa, Wonderful, wonderful!

D: Black coat!

G: It's Organization XIII!

S: You're Xigbar!

X: What a beautiful self-sacrificing spirit, is this what they say those with a heart of light can do?

S: What are you trying to say?

X: (It's) simple and clear*, stop self-sacrificing, as they say.

H: (Since) I risked my life, I was able to save Meg.

X: That's because you have a special existence, that's not how it works for normal humans.

S: But we can't deny that Hercules' was able to do what his heart desired.

X: In trying to save someone who self-sacrifices, a new self-sacrifice is born. That's a negative chain reaction. If one collapses, the rest fall, as they say.

X: It's the same for your "connected hearts"*. It's true that connected hearts can become (your) power, but remember, on the other hand, it can cause suffering and burden those you're connected with.

X: However, Sora, you can be left as is. (Let) your connected heart be your power and continue on with your hearts connections.

S: Who would do what you say?!

X: No, you have no choice but to follow your heart, as they say. At the time you get there, you'll know your destiny. The goal may be closer than you expected. How fun!

(Xigbar disappears)

S: Connecting hearts will bring everyone suffering—

H: Sora, don't worry about it. That guy just uses words to toy with others. Seeing proves it. There's no mistake in what we did.

S: You're right!

G: Yeah, our present is proof of that!

D: We'll show them! Connecting hearts is our power!

S: Right!

(Everyone walks off while Sora stops and looks behind)

S: My destiny—

~~~~~~

Translation Notes:

General:

In Japanese, Xigbar's cathchphrase, which is "As if" in ENG, is "ってハナシ" (tte hanashi) which I've translated to "as they say".

I've mentioned it in previous posts but "My friends are my power" is "Connecting hearts is my power" in JPN.

Specific:

~1 I checked the kanji and its meaning from different sources and it literally is "simple and clear". I'm making note of it 'cause it's really close to simple and clean and I found that amusing LOL

~2 This is where Xigbar is referring to Sora's iconic line

Analysis:

I've also thought that this scene was very vital to framing the theme of sacrifice KH3 covers. Translating from JPN has given me a lot of new insight. I think certain parts really end up making the moment match Xigbar's story in the KH3 Character Files.

The difference that's probably the most notable and which stuck to me is:

"It's true that connected hearts can become (your) power, but remember, on the other hand, it can cause suffering and burden those you're connected with."

In English, this is where the line about "putting too much power in one place might break it" is.

While both lines technically get Xigbar's main message across, the difference lies in the phrasing. JPN has more focus on the fact that everyone suffers when one sacrifices themselves. In a way ENG, kinda has more focus on the fact that the one breaks. While both statements are true, in the context of Xigbar's character (Luxu specifically), it makes a lot of sense that he'd focus on the consequences of self-sacrifice from the perspective of someone who got left behind, who's seen people get destroyed over and over by it.

In his Character Files story, it's mentioned/implied that he kinda wanted Sora to understand where he was coming from.

In terms of Sora's reaction, he reflects on the idea of everyone suffering due to "connecting hearts". I think for KH3 and most likely future games, it's something he's going to have to contend with. With the way the others are working to get him back, Sora will definitely be confronted with the reality that people have suffered when he threw himself away.

Also very interestingly, the camera pans to Donald and Goofy when Xigbar says the quoted part I mentioned earlier about others suffering from that connection (WHICH IS WILD WHEN PUT IN JPN CONTEXT).

And the end line where he lingers on "My destiny" which does fit with his lines in the intro (as Nomura had said that the lines there are Sora's thoughts post-KH3).

Both ENG and JPN do their jobs in setting up this specific theme and conflict for KH3, but in doing this, I feel that JPN's wording and phrasing does more overt work in tying to the other themes and the characters (which tends to be a reccuring thing with the localizations). I think I have more thoughts on it in general but am lacking the coherence to express it at the moment since I'm a little fried from translating LOL

I really appreciate the ask and I had so much fun doing this, I'm definitely gonna store this in my mind reserves for when the next games come out TvT I hope this gives a lot of food for thought!

[beestriker015]

Elesa x male s/o headcanons

Being a famous model as well as a gym leader, Elesa is no stranger to people vying for her affections.

Unfortunately for them, she is already in a relationship with someone whom she loves dearly, that being a handsome young man named s/o.

Elesa met s/o on a sunny afternoon in Nimbasa City when she had time off from the gym and her modeling career.

While wearing a disguise to avoid being bothered by her fans and the paparazzi, Elesa accidentally ran into s/o as he was leaving the Pokémon Center.

“Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! Are you alright?!”

She asks the young man while offering him a hand after knocking him over.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just try being a bit more careful ok?”

He says with a small smile while accepting her hand to pull himself up.

“Thank you. My name’s s/o by the way.”

“Nice to meet you s/o, I’m….Elise.”

She greets him after quickly thinking up a fake name to use.

“Tell me, why were you in such a hurry Elise?”

Looking at the ground feeling slightly embarrassed, “Elise” chuckles awkwardly before answering.

“T-to be honest with you s/o, I was just really excited to ride on the Ferris Wheel. I haven’t done so in a long time because of how busy I’ve been lately.”

“You don’t say? Funnily enough, I was on my way there to ride it too! Now this may sound like a strange question, but would you perhaps like to ride it with me?”

Thinking for a moment, the incognito gym leader/model smiles and nods.

“Sure! After all I do owe you for running into you a minute ago s/o.”

“What are we waiting for then, let’s go!”

Gently taking her hand, s/o leads “Elise” to the Ferris Wheel before they get on it together.

Needless to say, the two had a really fun time and enjoyed each other’s company a lot as they talked about various things including their wins on the Battle Subway, favorite pokémon, and fashion tastes.

Once the ride was over, s/o gave “Elise” his number in case she ever wanted to hang out again, causing her to blush a little as they parted ways. “H-he gave me his number! W-why is my face heating up so much?!”

She asks herself before looking at the piece of paper with s/o’s number on it, a smile unknowingly making its way onto her face as she inputting the digits into her Xtransciever before heading back to her place.

Unsurprisingly, Elesa kept in contact with s/o and continued to spend time with him since then whenever they both had the time, leading to the two slowly catching feelings for one another.

Elesa was the first to realize her feelings, which presented a problem.

“How can I think of s/o that way! He’d never return my feelings because he thinks I’m someone else. We’ve grown pretty close over these couple months, so maybe it’s time I tell him the truth. I just hope he understands and somehow accepts my feelings.”

Sending s/o a message via her Xtransciever to meet up somewhere in private, s/o eventually arrives with a questioning look on his face.

“Why’d you want to meet me here Elise, is something going on?”

“I’m sorry s/o, but my name’s not Elise.”

Taking off her disguise (which consists of a hat, sunglasses, and designer scarf in case you were wondering), s/o is shocked to see the beautiful model/electric gym leader in front of him.

“Y-you’re Elesa! I don’t understand, why would you lie to me about who you were all this time?”

“S/o, a lot of people only like me for my looks or my careers rather than for who I am as a person, so I put on a disguise and used a different name to avoid being recognized. When I met you, I was scared that you would be like everyone else if you found out who I really was, but I know you well enough now to see that you aren’t like that. I was always planning on telling you, I just didn’t know how until now. Believe me s/o when I say that I truly enjoyed all the time we’ve spent together, so please….don’t hate me for lying to you.”

Getting over his initial shock, s/o wraps Elesa in a comforting hug, making her blush from the contact.

“I don’t hate you at all Elesa. I understand why you did what you did. Besides, I couldn’t possibly hate the woman I’ve….fallen in love with.”

Hearing those words causes Elesa to tear up as she breaks from the hug and looks at s/o with a smile.

“I love you too s/o!”

He returns her smile as both of them share a passionate kiss, thus beginning their relationship. As a couple, Elesa and s/o are very openly affectionate, neither of them shying away from kissing and cuddling in public. Dates consist of either spending time alone together while watching movies, or partaking in double battles as a couple on the Battle Subway.

Early on in their relationship, Elesa introduces her boyfriend to her closest friends, those being Emmet, Ingo, and Skyla, who thankfully get along with s/o quite well.

(S/o does his best to comfort his girlfriend when Ingo suddenly disappears one day without a trace, but she and his brother Emmet never stop mourning the missing Subway Boss.)

Despite not being a trainer himself, all of Elesa’s pokémon love s/o, especially her two Emolga who enjoy perching on his shoulders, which their trainer gushes over every time they do so.

“That’s so cute! I need to take a picture of this s/o! Don’t move!”

S/o is always extremely supportive of his girlfriend, whether she’s doing a gym battle or a photo shoot, which Elesa is very much grateful for.

“Thank you for being there for me today s/o, I appreciate it greatly.”

He smiles and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“No thanks necessary babe! I’ll support you in whatever you’re doing no matter what! What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

She smiles and kisses him back, happy to have such an amazing partner.

Jealousy in their relationship is uncommon, but definitely exists.

Elesa gets jealous whenever one of her gym trainers (or sometimes the occasional challenger) flirts with s/o or make comments about him, which he wastes no time reassuring her about.

“One of the girls was talking you up today s/o, I would’ve lost my cool if it weren’t for the gym battle I was having being so intense.”

She huffs in annoyance as s/o hugs her affectionately.

“Pay them no mind babe. You’re the only woman who has my heart Elesa, I love you and you alone.”

S/o gets jealous from all his girlfriend’s fans, which Elesa admittedly finds kinda cute.

“Must your male fans act like shameless simps! Some of the things they say just makes my blood boil Don’t they understand that you’re in a relationship?!”

Elesa giggles while calming down her angry boyfriend with a shoulder rub.

“Aww, no need to get upset dear. My love shines only for you. You’re the light of my life, and nothing or no one will change that.”

Speaking of her fans, Elesa will not tolerate anyone speaking ill of her boyfriend.

“I don’t appreciate what you just said about my s/o. Who I date is my choice, not yours! Now either apologize to my boyfriend and keep your opinion to yourself or leave!”

It always makes s/o’s heart flutter when Elesa gets protective of him, and he’ll do the same if any of her fans get out of line.

“Hey! I saw where your hand was going pal! Try touching her like that again and I’ll break every bone in your body!”

Only on special occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries will s/o and Elesa ride the Ferries Wheel, as it holds special meaning to them both because it’s where they first met.

For their second anniversary, s/o proposes to Elesa while they ride the Ferris Wheel, earning a very emotional response from her.

“This is the most romantic thing ever! Yes! Of course I’ll marry you s/o!

She exclaims gleefully with happy tears in her eyes before pulling her boyfriend turned fiancé into a warm embrace and kissing him repeatedly.

When it comes time for them to get off, the engagement ring on Elesa’s finger shimmers in the moonlight as she walks home with her beloved s/o, the love she has for him shining brighter than a thousand suns.

[hy6erion]

So! I recently received the sweetest message ever. Since it was pretty long I wanted to answer some of its questions, here in this post. Before I do that I want to sincerely thank the person who wrote this. It made me so happy and I’m so glad that you think my writing is that good and that it brings you comfort!! <33

How do you get your motivation? Is it a random photo, a song, something you saw in your daily life? What inspires you to see such vivid stories? Do you have playlists or songs you tie to specific fics?

✰ - Honestly, the requests you guys send me are such a huge source of inspiration. Sometimes I’ll read one and immediately get hit with a scene so vivid in my head that I have to write it down. I’ve always had a really vivid imagination, so once something clicks, it just flows—I’ll be daydreaming scenarios before I even realize it.

Music also plays a massive part in my writing process. Depending on the mood of the fic, I’ll listen to completely different types of music to really sink into the vibe. If it’s something soft and intimate, I’ll put on something slow and dreamy and so on. It really helps get me in the right headspace!

So yeah, it’s a mix of your amazing requests, my overactive brain, and my emotionally charged playlists that keep the ideas flowing :’))

Have you ever thought of writing a multiple part Vik work? If its not time or desire to write such a big universe, may I ask what has stopped you, or what would you need in order to do so? If someone would have a multiple extended well documented voice recordings or pdfs explaining the story, world and characters of Vik and readers history and interactions, starting from their childhood, young adult, adult, prehex tech, during hextech, before and after his spine surgery, late into his illness and succumbing to hexcore and ending with him becoming the Herald, would you find it entertaining or beneficial or useful to have to inspire you to write it as multi part fic?

✰- I actually did write multi-part fanfiction back when we were all stuck in lockdown during COVID… but omg, those are just cringe memories now because my writing back then was not good (at least, in my opinion). I’ve definitely thought about doing a multi-part fic again, but I always get stuck on the idea that my writing isn’t good enough for something that big, or I worry that my updates would be way too slow.

That being said, having PDFs or voice recordings detailing everything about Viktor’s story and progression would be super useful. It would definitely help with keeping everything consistent and making the story feel really fleshed out!

If you guys actually want a multi-part Viktor fic, I’d definitely be willing to give it a shot! It’s a little intimidating, but if there’s interest, I’d love to try and make it work.

Ahh, to wrap everything up, I just want to say a huge thank you for all the love and support here!! <33 I seriously never expected so many people to enjoy my writing, let alone want to hear my thoughts and ideas—it’s honestly so crazy to me. Writing has always been something I’ve loved, but getting to share it with you guys makes it a million times more special.

I appreciate every single message, every request, every little interaction so much. You guys make this such a fun and safe space to just create and be excited about stories together, and I couldn’t ask for anything better. So really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I love you all endlessly <333

[seariii]

hhhhhi. i'm here to ask everything under the sun, ummmmmmmmm twirls your hair

3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 22, 28

(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)っAsk game question

hiiiii cutie <333 you sent a lot!! but thats okay yay fun!! thank you for the asks i love you

3. Reading or writing? Why?

uhhh... probably writing! when im in the right moodset, once i start writing its difficult to stop myself, and while i almost never write, my brain does find it a lot easier than reading

4. Whats your favorite feeling?

emotional or physical? ... uhhh.... physical i really like the feeling of someone petting/softly scratching my head or my back or playing with my hair, its very relaxing and it helps me fall asleep, makes me feel at ease. honorary mentions: meaningful hugs, holding hands with someone i love. emotional... the feeling of belonging, like you belong somewhere, like you fit just right with the person/people

6. What’s your favorite candle scent?

a couple years ago i bought this.... sugar gummy candle that i was obsessed with, the candle is long gone, but i should have the sticker.... *scampers off and brings back a small purple box with hearts* it should be somewhere in here...

7. Who do you feel most like yourself around?

you and the bestie, id say. my younger brother is up there too, but the most you and the bestie

8. Whats a fabric/texture that’s nostalgic for you?

um.... when i was little my dad had this case for his acoustic guitar that had a bright red inside that was like... plush? idk how its called, but im sure its the same material for this case (and others i saw when looking it up)

10. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? (or just felt really good afterwards)

there was something last month (?) that made my tummy hurt for laughing so much.... it was an interaction i had with my parents... but my memory isnt being helpful rn. i remember i was holding my tummy and dying jaajajajajajajajaj

14. Whats something upcoming that you’re excited for?

getting paid

15. Comfort food?

oh! key lime pie- no- you named a different one....KEY LIE MERINGUE PIE???????IDK?? but yeah that! i also really like pasta a la boloñesa, more recently crepes have become one too

17. How do you feel best loved?

hugged or touched in some way, physical contact. but when thats not possible... feeling as if i was being hugged, feeling close.... youve done a great job at that... jeje

19. Have you ever written or received a love letter?

oh GOD. i once received one? that idk if it counts??? i think ive told you this story about my best friend in elementary giving me a letter, telling me he liked me, little seari not knowing what was up with that started crying cause she didnt understand love she didnt know how to feel, and then next monday he said he was dared to do that and then said some stricking words that while comforted little seari, they would haunt her for years to come "did you really think i could like you?" ......... aside from that, i dont think a love letter, but certainly a couple letters written with love, ive wrote those too.... maybe i have written love letters, but were received as messages, but i dont know what makes or doesnt make a love letter, whats the spectrum, what makes a love letter BE a love letter?

20. Tell us about a memory you hold close to your heart.

i think of recent ones, so i tried to go more back... i guess one of them was when i went on a school trip in highschool, we ended up in the city that the bestie moved to, he went to say hi and i got to see him for a couple minutes and hug him.... another one was going with my grandma to the center of the city, i remember riding the bus with her... and i remember walking around holding her hand

22. Name of your favorite playlist?

hmm... i dont really know... oh! well, i was gonna say maybe "soft..." or "cute (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)" or "cool stuff" but i dont personally feel them as playlists, since i just dump things in there. but i have this playlist called "A dream"... but im too flustered to talk about it right now jajajaja ill tell you when the stars align and i feel more gremlin probably

28. What are you proudest of?

ive grown a lot as a person. i... i dont want to say i was a horrible person, even if i used to feel like i was. but ive come a long way, and while im not perfect and keep making mistakes, im just glad im not the same i was 8-ish years ago

[gliphyartfan]

thank you very much for answering! It is always a pleasure to talk to you, I tried a lot more before I realized that something was wrong and suspected that something was happening with my messages that perhaps, does not arrive

I'll be sure to hit you with double messages, and then you'll know it's me (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

The idea of a spirit simply saying 'you gave me enough energy to exist like everyone else, I will follow you to the end of the universe's existence' never occurred to me!

I came up with simpler ideas like a clone of (y/n) who came out of a cursed mirror and was out of the mirror for so long that she is now her own person and takes care of (y/n) simply because it became routine and gave him a new purpose to live, up to ideas of a demon that takes the form of its enemies or even the occurrence that not!(Y/n) is a part of (y/n), they are the same person but something happened that they split into two like four but...in two(?

I didn't think through some ideas thorough

I also had the idea of something similar to Double from Skullgirls, if you don't know it look it up, but not in the shape-shifting sense, in the same sense that (y/n) was split in two but something bad happened with they other half...Maybe the separation was more unstable and nobody wants to mess with someone who has a bad human formation (teeth where there shouldn't be teeth and faces where there shouldn't be faces) behind them.

Or maybe not! (Y/n) It was always there, even in its original world, perhaps everyone in our world has these other monstrous halves from a time forgotten by God, but because of pollution and decrease in magic due to many human factors, we are no longer able to see or feel them.

Oh, these ideas are so good! I could totally see Not!(y/n) coming from any of these backgrounds, and each one gives her such a unique kind of bond with (y/n). Okay, here’s me rambling through each one, ‘cause they’re all just so fun to think about.

—-

Ooooh, okay, the mirror idea sounds cool. So, Not!(y/n) could be like a shadow clone of (y/n) that maybe popped out of a cursed mirror or something.

She’d have zero identity at first, just mimicking (y/n)’s movements and routines because that’s all she knows. Over time, she’d be following (y/n) around, learning, adapting, and taking on a personality of her own.

It’d be almost spooky in a way, because maybe she keeps little habits she picked up from (y/n), like, (y/n) might be confused why Not!(y/n) anticipates her moves, but it’s just muscle memory for her.

And then, somewhere along the line, it’s not just routine anymore, she genuinely cares for (y/n). Like, she went from habit to genuine affection, and now she’s in her own lane, fully independent but still clinging to (y/n) in that familiar way.

I would be even better if no one was aware Not!(y/n) was there, I can totally imagine a situation where the spirit saves (y/n) in front of everyone. (Quite the first introduction.)

Oooh maybe it cause the enemy cast a spell that needs someone who love for (y/n) is deep and true. And I while the heroes love their darling veeeeeeeeery much.

I think it would be a trick question. Like they would assume romantic love. But it’s just super platonic love.

(And guess who’s a platonic Yandere? )

Hmmm or maaaaaybe Not!(y/n) started as a creature of shadows, like some kind of demon that just… borrows forms, she’d probably be super instinct-driven at first.

So when she latched onto one of the heroes first, it’s not out of loyalty or love but, like, “This person will help me blend in, so I’ll copy them.”

When she latches on to (y/n)? Oh boy, she’d accidentally start picking up more than just the appearance.

She’d get little quirks, tiny bits of (y/n)’s empathy, curiosity, or habits, and she’d gradually become her own thing.

And it’s weird and strange and overwhelming and underwhelming and Not!(y/n) loves it.

She could totally use that mimicry to freak out enemies, too. Imagine her taking on traits of whatever scares her opponent most, just subtle things, like maybe her face warps or her shadow lengthens.

She’s got that “I’m a demon pretending to be human, and it’s kind of hilarious” energy but with a maaajor soft spot for (y/n). It’d be creepy and adorable.

Okay I’m familiar with Skullgirls.

Not by a lot but enough to get what you mean, so if she’s that unstable half of (y/n), you know, like a warped doppelganger, I imagine she’d have that vibe of “I look mostly normal, but don’t look too close.” Maybe her body doesn’t stay stable, so when she gets agitated or defensive, she starts to distort, like an extra set of teeth here, a shadow that’s too dark there.

People would feel a chill just looking at her, even though she doesn’t mean any harm.

Her protective side would kick in hardcore if (y/n) is in danger, and it’d be like she’s this scary shadow looming just behind her. Not on purpose, just… that’s her default state when she’s “protecting.”

Imagine (y/n) turning her head and just seeing Not!(y/n) with, like, a disturbingly wide grin or something, but knowing she’s totally harmless to her. Super unsettling. (but also kinda wholesome?)

Oooh, or maybe Not!(y/n) could be like this ancient presence, this forgotten part o f (y/n) that woke up due to all the magic surrounding them.

She wouldn’t speak the same way, maybe her words are all odd and too formal, or she just doesn’t understand human things and language very well. She’s probably like… this embodiment of lost magic that somehow bonded to (y/n).

And she’d be invisible to almost everyone at random times! Imagine her fading in and out depending on how strong the magic is around her, like a flickering ghost.

She’d be more of a guardian spirit from some forgotten time, bound to (y/n) not because she remembers anything about herself, but because she’s naturally drawn to her other half. It’s almost like she’s meant to be there, even though no one understands why. (Well no one but Not!(y/n) really)

But, maybe she’s a spirit, a shadow, a demon, a double… whatever her origin, she utterly adores (y/n). Can’t change that. My heart wouldn’t accept it 🥹

[avs-serotonin-area]

SPOILERS FOR THISISNOTAWEBSITEDOTCOM

WIP

i wanted to compile all the results i got- mainly so i can reference it but if it’s helpful to anyone else that’s great! definitely not complete and there are 100% better lists though lol

when you type in:

Mabel - makes glowy stars appear!

Dipper - before this there was a message for Dipper to stare at the sun to see some secret writting

the image in then all black

Stanford -

Stanley - ebay link for gold chains or brass knuckles

Soos - his entry trying to dissuade you from trusting Bill, its like 3 pages long

Pacifica - her entry trying to dissuade you from trusting Bill

Wendy - you guessed it!

Gideon - audio of him humming and saying "I love you forever Mabel"

Robbie - messages between him and Thompson. They find Bill and are scared for life basically.

McGucket - youtube link for Cotton Eye Joe

Bill - a Sesame Street video about a jazzy triangle and a square??

Blanchin - video on blanchin vegtables

Abuelita - video on best vaccum for walls and ceilings

Trigonometry/math/Greece/geometry -

Blind eye -

Journal 1 - “The journal of fun”

Journal 2 - “The journal for you”

Journal 3 - “The journal for me”

Mystery - “?”

Book of Bill -

Ducktective -

Disney -

Tad Strange - it’s just a video of someone cutting bread… i think it has something like a romantic instrumental in the background

Toby Determined - takes you to a google search on “restraining order”

Triangle - i could’ve sworn it said “tri harder than that” or something along those lines but after typing it again i just see “ ) “ it’s just an end parenthesis

Gravity Falls - “never heard of it”

Season 1 - “season -1: antigravity falls”

Season 2 - “season 1”

Season 3 - “season 2”

Mat Pat/game theory - a video of mat pat saying he can’t help us this time

Weird - a video of weird al. he’s stuck in the computer

Baby/daddy -

Gun - “oh yes oh yes oh yes they both”

Mason -

Alex Hirsch - takes you to a google search for flannel

History - “‘I have received a message from the universe: 1 2 3’ - Nichola Tesla

Cipher - take you to a wiki page for the eye of providence

Portal- “portal.exe has been deleted. i bet you could build one”

Giffany - 1st time “Input deleted. AI antiviral activated” 2nd time “warning: secondary firewall breached” 3rd time "fatal warning. system under attack" 4th time "Soos!! I still love you (the distorted) we will be together" 5th time "Now downloading girlfriend. this action cannot be undone" 6th time a distorted giffany video pops up and the file is downloaded.

Blendin - “time agent lost and presumed incompetent”

No - “your loss…”

Pines - “a good family tree”

Death - “life’s goth cousin”

Fuck (other swear words etc) -

Mystery shack - takes you to a search for “confusion hill”

You’re insane - “sure i am what’s your point?”

Filbrick - “im not impressed”

Waddles - takes you to pigplacementnetwork.org

Who are you - “i could ask you the same question”

Reality - “is an illusion"

Divorce -

Disco girl - a singing audio presumably of dipper listening to disco girl

T.J. Eckleburg - “never mention that name again”

Kings of new jersey - downloads a “secret code” file

Love -

Axolotl- "you ask alotl questions"

Craz/Xyler - Jem and the Holograms theme song

Im still on your mind- seems to be a video of Stan and Ford on their boat...

Theraprism -

Rat - "Thurnburts' number?"

Deer teeth - "for you, kid!"

Tourist trap -

Paper Jam - picture of paper jam dipper. you can print him!

Fordtramarine -

Any "gen alpha term" and various other terms may result in this - "Life privileges revoked. Now releasing poison gas."

Bubble - I cant tell what it does if anything. Doesn't get a big red X though? edit: if you type in mabel after you enter bubble you get an eye sticker! if you keep entering mabel you get more stickers. the lab is now "fully mabelized"

Pinata - video of a child hitting a Bill Cipher pinata, with added sound effects

Dippy Fresh -

Weirdmageddon -

"Vallis Cineris (found when lightning flashes on the upper left corner of the wall) - "Why did you do it?"

[theninth09]

hey, my name is emily. your account is really great, you’re like too smart.

i introduced my mum to teen wolf and she’s been watching for the past few months. we just finished s5 and you need to hear this.

basically, i asked her off hand do you like liam and theo? and she was like yeh i really like liam and gave all her reasoning. she said she didn’t like theo. and she hasn’t seen s6 yet so i was like okay valid.

but even so, i asked her why. and her response is something else. she went on a whole spiel. these were her exact words (p.s. she’s a bit of a character):

“the guy has three metal doctors who are like supernatural encyclopaedias and an entire lab of a chemicals and gadgets and materials and information and chimeras and all that jazz. and he chooses to become an free escort and learn how to fake cry to make his ends meet? like you have all of that and you couldn’t think of anything else? crying and acting like an escort is what people in the 1700s are on the streets did to make a living because they had no other option. he has all of this and he couldn’t think of anything else? …”

she said some other stuff that i don’t remember but i remembered this word for word because its so funny.

hi emily!! first of all, thank you! this is seriously so sweet, i loved getting this message :( i was like "wow. someone watched tw with their mom and had the thought 'tumblr user theninth09 needs to hear about this.'" im honored, like actually!

and thank you again for sharing this with me, because this is hilarious. actually laughed at your mom calling theo a 1700s escort like nsiebwjs omg??? he really is, i fucking can't 😭 because im me, ill briefly rant about the reasons why theo acts like that instead of trying to find a different solution. this is absolutely nothing against your lovely mom, i think shes hilarious and i 100% get why people dont like theo in s5!! gladly let me know if she changes her opinion about him as you watch s6 and i hope she has fun watching <3

funnily enough, i actually think she answered her question with her own words. "crying and acting [...] because [he] had no other option." theo grew up with the dread doctors, they groomed him into the person that he is. he must've learned how to act like that over the years, they must've trained him into doing whatever they want. so its not really him "choosing" to act like that, but rather that hes 1. so used to it that he doesnt even consider there being another option and 2. the doctors Expect from him that he does that. i know that theo seems like this guy that just does whatever he wants, especially in s5b. but the doctors hold a lot of power over him and hes absolutely not unaffected by that. hes actively scared of them and listens to everything they say.

when theo speaks with donovan (the guy that stiles later accidentally kills) he says that the doctors dont usually let him speak to other experiments. meaning that this time, they did allow him. he doesnt ignore their orders: if hes forbidden from doing something, he doesnt do it. he only talks to donovan because he got the doctors approval for that. when he tells the doctors that he needs hayden alive, that he needs more time (he also literally says I did everything you wanted in this same scene) just the doctors turning to look at him is enough to scare him. he takes a step back, it almost looks like there are tears in his eyes, he doesnt try to argue again even though hes obviously not happy.

when him, scott and liam find mason attached to the doctors tube-thing (or whatever that thing was) theo says that he doesnt know either what that is: the doctors dont tell him everything, perhaps forbid him from touching certain things, keep him in the dark about stuff they consider too important. theo and the dread doctors aren't allies, theo isn't with the doctors. theo is like their pet, their minion. they use him and tell him what to do and only as long as he doesn't interfere with their work, they tolerate him trying to reach his own goal. they classify him as a failure despite him not having bled mercury and theos voice shakes, hes terrified as he says "im not a failure."

yes, theo talks back and hes arrogant and impulsive. but hes also a traumatized child that more or less got raised by the dread doctors. he doesnt try to figure out a different way to reach his goal, because he doesnt even consider it a possibility. hes scared of the repercussions. and also: lets say none of what i just said is relevant (or true, im aware that some of this goes into subtext/headcanon territory.) then there'd actually still be a reason why he doesn't use the dread doctors stuff: he doesn't want to.

his main goal, his desire is to become a real werewolf. that's what's most important to him. after he gets the chimera pack, he says to the doctors, frustrated, that hes still not an actual alpha, that his eyes are still golden. when he kills scott, he asks "because im not a real werewolf?" with his insecurity regarding that obviously shining through. he calls chimeras "cheap knock-off versions." cody has talked about theo's inferiority complex in interviews, too. tinkering with the dread doctors stuff and whatever information they may have wouldn't help him. he wants to be a real werewolf. and if the doctors themselves couldnt even manage to have him be the successful chimera to turn into the beast, hes probably long abandoned any ideas about a way to do it himself. trying to steal someone else's powers is, in theo's mind, his only option.

(also: tv logic reasons and him finding a different way would've been boring to watch lmao)