#we love FRIENDSHIP YA
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2023 reads // twitter thread
Wild and Crooked
YA contemporary
about a girl whose father is in prison for murder, moving back to her hometown
and the son of the murdered man, a boy with cerebral palsy
they unknowingly become friends, until new evidence is found and their small town is thrown into chaos - and they have to find out the truth
lesbian & questioning MCs, no romance,
#Wild and Crooked#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#Leah Thomas#I thought this was really good!#I thought the discussion of disability; poverty; queerness etc was done well (as far as I can tell)#another mc has antisocial personality disorder (iirc?) also#and i liked how it showed him like.....in a positive light. i mean hes just a guy also#we love a lesbian who shaves her head#we love FRIENDSHIP YA#no romance books#no romance#the real reason behind it all maybe felt a little rushed/random at the end? idk#but it’s also kinda like……maybe more realistic than Teen Detectives Discovering The Truth - the truth is actually just. something based on i#info they didn’t know#weird how some reviews say theyre pan and lesbian and others say gay and pan ???? nobody is pan?#they’re both gay by all evidence in the book? he Could be maybe but it’s an oddly specific thing that’s not explicitly in the book
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So I finished the Cam x MC x G snippet. They're cute/chaotic which explains the friendship perfectly.
It allowed me to see how and if things could work for them as a trio.
In a Chris free world, one where Cam wasn't used as the family joke or his parents had time for him and he wasn't fighting for a shred of attention. A world in which G never lost one of their closest friends/lovers (1st at that), it could have been possible.
Because they would be fundamentally different than they are now.
Writing Cam's part each time came down to, "I want to be the one doing that to MC or with MC." (The guys very MC centric romantic or not.)
G came down to, "I want this to be an us thing not a we thing" points at Cam. Just as G and MC had their friendship outside of the trio. It was special because it was just the two of them. They had their own dynamic.
So yeah, tldr that's all to say I came, I saw, I tested it out. They're happier when it's Cam x MC, or G x MC. And so am I. They're so troublesome. (Affectionate)
#loveandleases#love and leases#cam#g#we came we saw#our trio of nerds#i love their friendship#what can ya do
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Ride 787: The back that was pushed!!
Pag 1
1: Packed with the passion of everyone in Sohoku... a full throttle injection of will-power!!
Pag 2
1: Iitsuka-san!!
Goo Fukuoka!!
Oh, Tomaribata!!
Fukuoka, take the mountain!!
2: What about Hakogaku's Manami!?
3: Don't worry about him. He did catch up to me but then suddenly stopped
When I shouted at him, he closed his eyes and fell silent!!
4: Is it because he found out that Iitsuka-san is Fukuoka Josei's “mountain shogun”?
Yeah, probably!!
Amazing!!
5: Let's take the lead now!!
Ahead there's also Fujiwara-san from the Kyuushu team Kumadai!!
6: But anyway for a moment I was so scared....
Pag 3
1: When Hakogaku sent ahead their ace Manami!!
2: I can hear it
4: The first day's mountain prize!! Let's take it, at our hometown's Inter High!!
5: Wait....!!
6: “The sound of wheels”? “He's catching up”?
Could it be that Manami is waiting for someone?
Pag 4
1: And that's why he slowed down....!?
2: Raise your pace, Tomaribata!!
4: We're still at the start of the mountain, if we use up our legs here....
It's fine, we'll establish a good distance now
Huh!? But
Think, idiot!! If you think about it, you'll get it!! The person Manami slowed his legs down to wait for....
Pag 5
1: It's Sohoku's “Mountain King”!!
Pag 8
1: Mountain King!!
2: Fo-fo-for the first day's mountain!?
Why even the Mountain King, even the Mountain King!!
I don't know!! I don't know but that doesn't change the reality!!
3: Last year so many times we couldn't race each other
So I thought that maybe this year too...
4: What do I do if he doesn't come, I thought....
5: I was scared
6: For a while I couldn't even open my eyes
Pag 9
2: I caught up
4: Thank god it's real!!
Pag 10
1: You came, Sakamichi-kun
Yeah!! Manami-kun!!
Pag 11
1: Can we race?
2: Yes!!
Pag 12
3: Everyone in the team pushed my back!!
Pag 13
1: Onoda-kun!!
2: He should have caught up with Manami around now!!
3: Onoda-san!!
4: Hahaha!!
5: Back-gate slope-senpai!!
6: At full throttle!!
At full throttle!!
Run!!
Please run!!
Pag 14
1: Nghh...!!
2: “Nghhh” it's right!!
3: Ahaha
Hahaha
They're suddenly laughing, let's raise our pace!!
Yes!!
4: It was during your training camp on our first year
5: When we raced for the first time
6: I remember I was so excited when I heard that our names were “Sakamichi” and “Sangaku”
It's the perfect combo!!
Pag 15
1: I was surprised you didn't even have your feet fastening on
We stopped at the summer house and talked
2: We were so free back then!!
We didn't have any responsibility, not teams nor jerseys!!
3: Ahaha
4: When you're in second and third year the things you have to do increases so much....
5: I'd throw this “captain” title away anytime!!
Hahaha I get it, it's difficult for me too
Pag 16
1: If someone on my team heard that they would get angry
Doubashi-kun especially would get angry!!
Sounds scary...
4: You're wearing the number “3”
Ah, yeah, uhm, we talked with everyone on the team
Huh.... on official races the winner of the previous year should wear the number “1”
5: I see, leave it to me then
I'll push through, hahaha!!
Thank you!!
Is.. is that alright?
Waa, Pierre-sensei is so reliable!!
6: Your teacher....!!
Then...
7: Yeah, “3” like Makishima-san's “173”
Pag 17
1: I'm also wearing Toudou-san's number “13”
2: “Sleeping beauty”!!
Kuah!! Toudou!!
Pag 18
1: That day, the first day of the Inter High two years ago
2: While we were pulling the team, I imagined those two fighting for the mountain prize....
3: I'm sure they must be having fun
Fighting until you're empty
It can't not be fun!!
4: We can't go right now, but let's do it
A fight until the last drop, until our limits!!
Yeah!!
5: We promised to race
Today may be the day to truly make that wish....
Pag 19
1: come true!!
Pag 20
1: Our third year, the last Inter High
2: The first day.... a fight to compete only for the colored bib
3: The purity of this race is infinitely high!!
4: Yeah!!
Pag 21
5: Let's do it, Manami-kun!!
Pag 22
2: I've been waiting to hear those words!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowapeda#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 787#THEYRE SO CUTE YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#pag 15 is the cutest thing ever#MANAMI IS SO EXCITED!! LOOK AT HIM BEING SO HAPPY!!!#he couldnt even open his eyes at first bc he was scared it wasnt real and onoda wouldnt be there#EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY#i love this so much you have no idea#manami being like 'id throw away the title of captain tbh' and onoda being like 'yeah i get it mood' lmao#i love seeing how their friendship goes both way#bc we always see onoda liking manami so much ya know#like hes the one whos always thinking about him etc#while manami takes 3 months to reply to him via text lmao but thats just manami being manami#i swear if kiji or midosuji crush this sansaka date imma throw hands#(i know it will probably happen tbh)#oh another thing! THE PARALLELS!! man i love parallels so much and the fact that theyre paralleling exactly maki-chan and toudou is#making me emotional#and also it makes me think that the end of this ih will parallel the first one meaning the two finalists will be first years#like roku vs tobirama and roku will win! wishful thinking? perhaps!! who knows!!#anyway the urge to write a sansaka fic after this chapter is strong. specifically some sort of 5+1 fic
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Introducing the four hors- i mean the four band members that i made to bother Sol
the situation bro is in, i filled some templates below
I found the worldbuilding interesting in the game it kind of remind me of home so i wanted to make other characters to play in different places (i have been silently playing the sims in my head these months).
Cicada is supposed to take the role of the MC and share details of the backstory, the other are just to add drama and experiment with different dynamics. But they are all part of a band called Unknown Infestation. (to clarify those aren't their real names, they are just nicknames, also i have their stage names and real names somewhere else).
thisis a lot im sorry im almost done bear withme a little
the credits of the template are on the image but this is the post
the post it's getting too long i will leave it here;;
#the kid at the back vn#tkatb vn#tkatb oc#tkatb sol#the kid at the back sol#AHORA SI YA VALIO MADRES BANDA#sorry for throwing four guys in your face all of a sudden i feel that is better if i make one post with all of them than posting too much#these are from June or older and have been beating my brain with hammers since then someone tell them to stop#for a second there i thought of pairing them all with Sol at the same time that was a wild thought#but it wouldn't work they are going to kill eachother. anyways. i love the power of friendship#i had to draw Cicada's sprite again because i lost it idk where it is but i didn't want to trace it#watch me not talk about them again#okback to my enclosure 🍖#[UNKNOWN INFESTATION]#the 'four horsemen of the apocalypse' joke it's getting real every second i think more about it. it's over we aren't surviving this#*introduces band members *proceds to not elaborate on the band stuff or their backstories *leaves
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reading the anons in your pinned prepared me for the worst but then reading your intro is like... you literally just seem so cool. what are they on about
im the world's normalest guy and have 0 mental disorders. im happy big and sexually normal
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#thats because theyre just joshin ya ^_^ dont worry#im a pretty normal guy all things considered !!! friendship is magic and everyone loves me 5ever#people just fuck around 4 funsies in my inbox :-)
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Another self insert based entirely one someone else's self insert. @lunayumes has such a habit of making the prettiest and loneliest self inserts, but unlike Your Turn to Die I've SEEN Dungeon Meshi and thus can make her at least a little less lonely.
Emile's a Gnome/Half-Foot hybrid who was raised by his parents far from most civilization. When his mother (half-foot) died of old age his father (gnome) took his own life, unable to live without his wife, leaving their son of indeterminate age completely abandoned on a farm in the middle of No Where.
Emile saved up the funds to leave his home and go traveling in hopes of learning more about his heritage and culture he was deprived of and eventually found himself on The Island. Naturally he gravitated to the local library to read everything they had on Gnome and Half-Foot culture and History. This is also where he meets Emi, who goes to the library mostly just to get out of her empty house when he husband, Chilchuck, is away.
Neither of them are very sociable people, but eventually Emile works up the courage to talk to this very pretty Half-Foot he sees regularly. Surprisingly, they have a lot in common and end up hitting it off.
Emile eventually convinces Emi to leave Chilchuck, partly because he's formed a crush on the woman, but mostly because she's his friend and he wants what's best for her, and this clearly wasn't it. He knows what it's like to be alone all the time. When Chilchuck eventually comes back to talk to Emi and the two make up, Emile remains pretty Anti-Chilchuck for a while afterwards, mostly just giving him dirty looks. Emi doesn't seem to notice.
That's about all I have. Again thanks to @lunayumes for letting me use her S/I as a base for mine!! Anything is subject to change at you're request!!
#Emile's Arts#I remember when Emmy was tossing this S/I idea around before she finished the manga#She had the concept of Emi going in the dungeon as well#I still really like that idea thus the first comic#We ALMOST did it. So close.#What if my S/I had a crush on your S/I..... And we were both from Dungeon Meshi...... dskjfjdkfjds#I don't know WHY I did that btw#It just felt like a fun story element#This woman loves her husband does NOT notice this other guy has a crush on her#Too focused#Which ya know what fair#EVENTUALLY I might ship this S/I with someone else but honestly#Doubtful#I love Dungeon Meshi but other than a little crush on Laios no one's really calling out to me atm#So friendship S/I it is <3#I love doing this btw if you have a media you think I should Self Insert into with you#Hit me up because I'll do it#The only one I've done like this I haven't posted is my One Piece S/I I made with my BF Zayne#I should draw that one at some point....
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Spacie I will be honest I knew we were mutuals for quite a while but I always thought it was more in a respective: hey there neighbor
Or a: your a mutual of a mutual so imma just hang or even just a: respectable nod between two strangers
because I didn't want to push anything
Until I saw the tags of something you reblogged from me and I literally was just like: YOU LIKE ME??? YOU SEE ME AS A FRIEND???? IMMA CRY RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW-
WAAA?? OF COURSE I DO BITTY XD YOU GOOBER
#nah brah cuz as soon as mutuals start dming me on a semi frequent basis or we start hanging out in the same spaces i consider you my friend#i have mutuals who i only consider mutuals and not friends for sure!! but like-#bitty you are definitely a friend of mine XD how silly#spacie splains#love you bitty!!#mutuals who want 2 b friends but dont wanna push things feel free 2 talk 2 me i prommy im not so scary :33#neva eva feel insecure in your relationship w/me (@my friends)...and if you are talk 2 me about it!!#i will be happy 2 tell you how much i adore and appreciate you!!!#i mean if you're my friend ive probably already made it obvious but i am quite happy 2 love on you some more if ya need it!!!#in a lot of my friendships i mimic behavior once you have repeated something at me enough#its uhh something i calculate XD#“ohh if they do x behavior again then i will start reciprocating and mirroring said behavior at them...”#sometimes i test the waters and mimic the behavior but if they dont seem receptive i dont do it again until a later date#peek inta how my brain works (i have autism its quite obvious)
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MANDIEMANDIEMANDIEMANDIEMANDIEMANDIEMANDIEHOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT
Tell me you've seen it...
Tell me you've seen the new Dirty Bird Law figure...
Because HOT DAMN.
IS IT THE BATHTUB ONE ?! BC YES IVE SEEN IT AND 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 I KNEW THAT MAN HAD A BIG SCHLONG 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪😂😂😂😂😂
I need it. For uh, scientific reasons, of course 😏😏
#answered ask#lumiolivierlithium#also i hope ur proud of me that i can spell your blog name without having to double check that i spelt it right 😏😏😏😏#thats a real friendship right there#also i love you#we should fuck law#i think it would be fun#just for funzies ya know !!! 🤭🤭🤭😂😂😂
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#the good wife#kalinda sharma#alicia florrick#kalicia#//#sine's edits#tmi ahead:#so this brought back (relatively happy) memories from my teen/ya days#i was out with a friend i was in love with at the time and two guys propositioned us like this. well they were even more forward used#a stupid pick up line and asked to come home with us. we rolled our eyes and looked at each other conspirationally.#the joke was on them bc my friend did come home with me that night#the 'are you gay?' bit happened some days later but it was spoken in riddles and 'i don't like talking about my#personal life' was sth that i did say (cliched much?)#it led to a situationship that was initiated by said friend but it quickly turned sour bc of internalized stuff. and yes it did damage our#friendship.#we are distant friends these days and even though we have nothing in common there are times that i miss our camaraderie#anyway i'm watching the elsbeth episodes first so i dunno if kalinda sees alicia as a friend but there are some scenes that give me pause.#wouldn't surprise me if she was in love with her at some point.
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🐻❄️
#usually I have a pretty good idea who an anon is when I start to get them#but for some reason I haven’t been able to fully figure out you#I have a few ideas?#are we mutuals???#if we are feel free to message me!#you don’t have to say you’re 🐻❄️ but I’m open to new friendships!#like I’ve said before I suuuuuuuck at replying to messages half of the time#but sometimes I get super social and need someone to talk to#and ya know I do love music 🥰#shut up rosie
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2024 reads / storygraph
So Witches We Became
YA horror
a girl and her friends go on vacation to a house on a private Florida island, but when a strange mist and toxic tar surrounds them, trapping them there, they have to find a way to survive and/or escape
while she’s being haunted by a traumatic experience with her friend’s boyfriend - who just showed up - that she’s been unable to tell anyone about, and by a shadow from her childhood that she fears might have something to do with what’s happening
sapphic, explores complicated friendships, and surviving assault
#So Witches We Became#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#Ooh yeah I thought this was good!#the first half especially was super atmospheric and had some Very creepy horror moments.#I do wonder if it would have been better if the witchy stuff was a bit more ambiguous and just its own unique paranormal thing-#if it weren’t for the title I feel like it would have felt especially random. As it is; it felt a little basic; comparatively? idk.#(I did wonder for most of the book what witches had to do with anything).#A few aspects felt a little heavy handed & I wonder if they could have been handled with more subtlety? But maybe the directness is needed.#I kinda wish there was a bit more with Nell and Harper’s relationship over the weekend#obviously the build up of tension is the point but I wish we’d seen some of the positives of their friendship#not just the flashbacks to when they were kids; because it felt like such a sudden shift from resentment to friends again at the end#I just didn’t really have any empathy for harper for most of it especially with Gavin being SO blatantly and unsubtley horrible#(though I guess Nell’s POV was biased toward showing that for obvious reasons)#but those are two specific things - broadly speaking I enjoyed it a lot!#Yay for some love for zines! though “blogs/tumblr and the like had made them all but obsolete’ false!!!!! zinefests still go hard!!#sapphic books#ya horror
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sometimes it's hard to be in hockey fandom because i sadly take the sport itself kinda seriously but i take all the players so unseriously
#like because the tylers seguin-brown incident i doubt i'll ever indulge myself too much in publicly shipping again#but that doesnt mean my ass doesnt stay glued to ao3 ya know?#like sorry when a hockey player tweets out a primer about his friendship where the implication is clearly romantic#and youre tangentially responsible even if its not your primer youre mentioned by username in it#then we can discuss my phobia of like publicly talking about hrpf again#anyway#i do love hockey tho#and the boys#and unseriously being feral when they're Weird About Each Other#but i absolutely can't deal when people are Very Serious about rpf :/
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kamikaze girls. cult classic in the lolita fashion community as a story that explores the subculture alongside the subculture of girl biker gangs. there’s a movie and it’s really really good so i decided to read the original novel too. and mamma mia
the thing abt the wlw experience is that the bond between girls is. unexplainable and deep and special. while researching for a video essay school project about yuri last year i found an article by a japanese yuri scholar lesbian who found it confusing that so much american wlw media is focused on unambiguous in-your-face romances, when yuri as a genre is based on how those bonds between women, even while being labeled platonic, are deeply deeply intimate and important and meaningful. there’s a lot in there abt how yuri media isn’t meant to prove a point about acceptance which is why it’s not considered meaningful to canonize and clarify romances the way it absolutely has been in the scope of western queer media, but it’s also stayed on my mind bc there are so many sapphic YA books i’ve read that kinda just. have the girls blush abt each other being pretty and wanting to kiss and stuff without really getting at all into just how deep and meaningful bonds between girls are even before romance and how in female friendships there’s this sense of knowing who you are with each other and just feeling understood and comfortable and trusted. but anyway this is the last line of the kamikaze girls novel
“the way you would with a lover, i let the breeze wash over me, and gently, nestled my head in ichigo’s back.”
#when i say lesbian and girl and everything that includes all types of lesbians and girls too don’t get it twisted#there’s this twitter meme abt how a lot of gay media will be like ‘bbut we’re both boys’ and then queerbait is where all the lines on the#level of ‘not to me not if it’s you’ comes from#there’s so much sapphic media that 10000% gets all those things abt trust and comfort and understanding and the depth of the relationships#immediately gotta cite she-ra and steven universe for portraying sapphic love as a living loving person of its own#but soooo many ya books that in the interest of being fluffy don’t give the girls CHARACTERS!! or REASONS they fit together!! or any bond#deeper than ‘you’re pretty and nice to me are we ggirlfriends now’#and then this novel’s just about knowing who you are in a world where so few people are gonna try to understand that#and the strength of female friendships as agents of trust and love and understanding#the whole book i was like i appreciate this and i relate to it thru my own lens but this last line makes me wanna rip my hair out#this book just said something more meaningful abt female relationships than any actual sapphic novel i’ve ever read#aghhhhhhhh. it was so so good too#personal#anyway. first complete novel read in Japanese down :-)
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Im so thankful for the friendships I've been able to maintain after moving far away from where I grew up <3
#like making effort for others. and watching them make an effort for you... is so emotionally satisfying#my best friend since high school and i ft for like 5 hours straight once a month and see each other at least twice a year#and my ex roommate and i facetime 2-4 times a week typically and also see each other at least twice a year#and my cousin best friend and i zoom onve a week and have 40 minute calls once a week too and see each other at least once a year#and all 4 of us are ppl who struggled with long distance friendships in other relationships#so it's really really nice that we do this work to nourish our love. ya know? < 3
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Not me straight up yapping to my therapist about my crush for 30 minutes
#this type of love is a new feeling for me#foreign but like... in a good way#like i dont understand it. but it feels right. feels like what i should be doing#ya know?#and i say crush but like not the stereotypical kind#p sure this is mutual#and im not tripping over myself about it#been building a relationship with them and honestly i have some feelings#and i want to share those feelings#i have a plan to as well#we're going on a trip at some point to a local island to bird watch and paint#honestly because of my philosophy in regards to romance#the friendship means way more to me than any romantic relationship ever could#but like. i think i want to be their partner#win lose or draw tho i know i want them in my life no matter what#ive never met someone who just gets me off the rip before#theres a comfort with them i havent felt before#i dont have to mask like at all#im free to go mute. im free to yap. im free to be quiet and reserved#they do the exact same#passionate. excitable. considerate. and a massive stoner to boot#we hung out all last week and just got high and talked#made some art and gone out and done some really fun stuff#im just really enjoying their company#i love how they ask permission of like everything#or rather consent#ive got a lot of trauma when it comes to physical contact#and im glad to know that doesnt have to be a worry with them
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Ok nobody extrapolate anything about me from this...
The first time you cry in front of the 141:
The first time you cry in front of Ghost it's because you can't fucking take it anymore. All the little things, all the comments you know he didn't mean to hurt, all the conversations you ignored because you didn't want to make him feel like the bad guy, it all comes to a head. You don't even mean it to happen, and you feel like shooting yourself on the spot as soon as the tears start flowing. It feels manipulative. It feels disingenuous. You feel like a piece of shit having him awkwardly bundle you in his arms as you break down sobbing over a topic that normally would mean nothing to you. And it all comes out. All the worries and slights you ignored, all the fears and doubts, all the things that made you question if you could ever even start to bring up with him. Like throwing up, once it starts you can't stop it.
He looks like you've hit him when you finally escape his bear hug. You barely get the chance to take it in before you're thrust back into sobbing hysterics, blubbering out apologies, how you feel like you're manipulating him, how you're a bad partner, how you're sure he's going to realize he doesn't want you and leave. You barely hear the rough "Jesus Christ" over your own hiccuping.
Ghost shuffles the two of you over to grab you a t-shirt to blow your nose in while you're sniffling and wiping at your eyes. You feel pathetic having him hold the fabric to your face and telling you to blow.
"Didn't know ya made this much snot love," he jokes.
"You're dot funny," you whine, nose still clogged with wattery mucus as your tears finally start calming down.
"I know," he grumps.
"You're mad at me," you sniffle.
"I'm not," he sounds mad, "mad at myself. Shoulda seen ya keepin' things to yourself, I'm glad ya finally told me." His scarred mouth screws to one side. "Just gotta work on makin' sure we don't get to this point again."
-
The first time you cry in front of Soap it's because you're so fucking mad at him. He's arguing with you over nothing, the same way he always does when he's in a bad mood. Finding little things that dig at you and twisting just enough to make it not his fault when you snap. Back and forth with your barbs until you got to bed angry.
You can feel the tears burning at your waterline before they spill and you know your hot cheeks don't bode any better. You're not yelling but you almost wish you were, at least of you were yelling at each other it might make you feel better about the sudden waterworks. You hate when this happens. Too big an emotion in the body, it has to come out somewhere, you suppose this is just the quickest avenue. The way Soap's face drops from anger to concern pisses you off though.
"Hen, are ya-"
"I'm so fucking mad right now," you assure him, "don't look at me, don't even acknowledge them."
"Ah dinnae ken," His voice is getting softer, it only makes you more upset, "Oh my bonnie, ahm sorry ah didnae think this would hurt ya so bad."
"Fuck off," you try to push past him to lock yourself in the bathroom and he catches your arm to pull you against him. "Fuck off!" You shriek, pushing at him.
"No," he holds you a little tighter, "my mam would 'ave my heid hearin' ah let ya walk away from me like this, yer stayin' 'ere."
"I will fucking skin you Mactavish," you struggle harder.
"Aye anno, now shut up an' quit yer kickin'."
You do neither of those things.
-
The first time Gaz sees you cry it's because no one's ever seen you before. Even in your best relationships, your closest friendships, no one sees you like Gaz. No one picks you up from work with flowers and takes you by your favorite bakery just so you can have a slice of cake when you watch your comfort show. You're not even through the title music, Gaz sorting through your takeout options after he'd gotten you a "fancy plate" and a small fork to eat with, when you break down in sobs. He's on you immediately, hushing you as he gathers you into his arms. He's so attentive it hurts.
"It's OK baby," he hums, "don't have to talk about it, you just let it out."
God even that gets you crying. You don't have to get your words right or find a way to explain what you're feeling, you can just feel it. You try to think of a way to put it into words but it all lines up wrong, sounds too juvenile, doesn't make any sense even to you. There's no need to say anything though, Gaz just sits there with you, holds you through it as you wet his shoulder with your tears.
You don't even know why you're crying by the end of it, you just kept coming up with other reasons to cry. Jesus you don't think you ever got over your last grandparent dying, or losing that one friend, that's something to unpack later. You feel drained. Literally dehydrated drained. Gaz's shirt is soaked, but he doesn't day anything when you pull back.
He cups your cheek at wipes at the wet stains on your cheek with his thumb, eyes searching yours before he gives you a tight smile.
"Why don't you go take a hot shower, yeah?" He offers, you give him a watery nod, he smiles and pats your knee. "Alright, off you go. I'll be in, in a second."
The second time you cry in front of Gaz it's before he's got you pinned to the shower wall.
-
The first time Price sees you cry it's because you're tired. You're tired of giving everything to this relationship and seeing him leave right when things seem to be falling into place. His phone buzzes in the middle of the night and you don't stop the downpour when he grumbles out a swear and turns on the light. You glare at the ceiling and let the tears flow. It hurts. Tight in your chest. This feeling like you'll never be enough, like he'll always have something more important than you, it kills you. So why can't you leave him?
Are the good times really good enough to make up for the bad?
It makes him stop what he was doing when he sees the resolute grimace and the flow of tears over your cheeks. You shudder in a breath when he sits on the side of the bed. You refuse to look at him.
How could he do this to you?
"Sweetheart," he starts, his voice low, gentling, "I'm sorry."
"You're not." You correct him, "Otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it."
"You want me to choose between you and the world, you know what I'll say." He always sounds so sharp, ready to guilt you into giving up what he wants.
"I'm asking you to choose between me and paperwork," you bite back.
"You don't know-"
"You get phone calls when you're being deployed." You remind him, "You get reminders when papers are due." You turn to glare at him. The look on his face twists like a knife in your chest. You're dead on the money, and it's killing him. "So can this really not wait until the morning, are you really that eager to be rid of me?"
"I'm sorry," he tries again, toeing off his shoes, "you're right, I hadn't noticed." You turn over as he climbs under the duvet again. You fold your legs up as his arm drapes over you hip and he curls around you. His lips touch your shoulder, a silent plea for forgiveness. "Let me make it up to you, no more running into red tape I promise."
You don't bother agreeing to empty promises, but the next day he's had the paperwork sent from the base. The same the next day. Price always told you working from home didn't suit him. Waking you up with a cuppa on the other hand and walking you to the station does though.
He makes good on his promise, he doesn't run off until the next call comes in.
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