#we live directly next the train line

[the-polite-lurker]

The same train goes past at the same time every day and you’ve never cared. WHY ARE YOU BARKING AT IT NOW?! WHAT CHANGED?

[byunpum]

Mama's Boy | Part 5

Pair: Jake x neytiri x human reader (trio couple) x sully children's

Warning: cozy moments, conflict, family problems

Note: I hope you like this part, the next one is gonna be the final part...Thank you sooo much!! btw I recently opened a KO-Fi…. if you want to leave any tips or support I would appreciate it (it would help me to buy real coffee xD).

AVATAR MASTERLIST | Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6(final)

The previous day's argument was very intense. Leaving the family in a very delicate state. Even you decided to sleep alone in a kind of bed you made. You were so upset with jake, you couldn't understand why he was like that with lo'ak. Sometimes you thought Jake was ashamed of lo'ak…ashamed that you were his mother. You had been sitting quietly in the marui all day, still feeling a little bad. You were taking care of tuk, the girl was by your side. Making a necklace for you, while she was telling you everything she did in the morning. "Love be careful…you can hurt yourself" you help tuk with the needle she was using. At that, you can see how jake enters the marui, he had a basket full of fish. Looking quickly at you, walking towards where he used to leave the food that had to be prepared. You decide to ignore him, and be playful with tuk.

"baby…can we talk?" asks jake, the man had approached you, sitting down next to you. You on the other hand were acting like he wasn't there. You look up, and sigh loudly. "Tuk honey, why don't you let mommy and daddy talk alone" you help the girl pick up her materials, and wait for her to come out of the marui doing some jumping jacks. You smile a little to see how happy tuk was, oblivious to what was going on. "Tell me?" you speak, looking at jake waiting for him to start talking. "Is it true that you are thinking of leaving? "jake looks at you, you could tell he was worried. It was too dangerous for you to go back to the jungle. The RDA was looking for Jake, and when Jake's name was on the line his whole family was involved. The months you had to be alone, you never left the lab.

"I see neytiri told you everything" you say, trying not to make eye contact with him. "Love…we can fix this" Jake touches your hand, but you push him away. "Jake it's not with me that you have to fix things, it's with your son. Your behavior towards him…it's terrible." You speak, trying to hold back your tears. "Y/n you're misunderstanding things I" jake speaks, but is interrupted when you turn around and are now looking directly at him. "Jake… I have a question for you, what does neteyam like the most?" you ask. "A-ahh he likes hunting, he likes to ride his ikran. He's also a great talker," says jake.

"Okay, now tell me what lo'ak likes?" you speak up, knowing jake wouldn't answer quickly like the other question. Jake gets nervous, looking around for a moment. "He likes…he likes being with his brother. " jake speaks timidly, watching as your eyebrows draw together in anger. "Lo'ak likes to ride around and investigate things. He loves to practice with his bow, he likes to spend time with his sister kiri and all he looks forward to is his father telling him he did a great job" you were already very annoyed.

"I know…" jake speaks softly. Shaking his head, look embarrassed. "Jake your sons are not soldiers…they are children. Children who need love and attention from their father. Neteyam is not the only one here who needs to be trained. Lo'ak too, he needs you to treat him with respect and love. What does it cost you to do that?" you speak, watching as jake pulled his knees up to his chest. Becoming more like a little ball. "I just…want them to be strong and …. I'm afraid they'll be weak and won't be able to survive this chaos we live in" jake tries to explain. And yes, he was a little bit right. But that didn't justify the preference he had over neteyam. "Jake, I know all that" you wave your hands all around you. "This is all chaos, I know this isn't our home. I know what we're going through, but what does lo'ak have to do with it? Why can't you treat him like you treat kiri or neteyam or tuk? What did he do to you?" you speak, getting up from the floor. You had to walk, because the rage was consuming you. You hated it when jake tried to avoid trouble. Telling you smith answers to distract you. "He didn't do anything" jake follows you with his eyes.

"I feel like sometimes you just treat him like that, because he came from me. Because he's not completely na'vi." You had tears in your eyes, you didn't know why you were so sentimental. Even though this situation always broke your heart, you wanted lo'ak to feel loved. "Y/n never say that… this has nothing to do with you being his mother" jake in one swift movement. He takes your arm, to pull you closer to him. "I wouldn't ask for another mother for my son, you are an excellent mother" jake lets his head lay on your chest. He is silent for a moment, you didn't want to keep arguing with him. You loved your family, you loved jake, you hated being upset with him. "Lo'ak is how I was…he is so much like the stupid jake who betrayed and endangered people he cared about. That stupid jake got innocent people killed" jake speaks, you knew he was talking about grace. She had been so important to you.

You take jake's face in your hands, pulling his face up so he could look you in the eye. "But that stupid jake was the one who saved a whole clan, that stupid jake is strong and brave. That stupid jake was the one I fell in love with" you speak softly. Tears streamed down Jake's cheeks. "I want you to be the person that stupid Jake needed, for lo'ak. He needs you…" you speak, feeling jake hug you. You both stand there for a moment. "I don't want him to make mistakes that he'll regret later," jake says. "He'll get in trouble if you don't help…try to be a better parent to him. That's all I ask of you" you start walking away from jake. Picking up some things tuk had left on the ground, you go to look for the girl.

"Do you think you would have been happy if instead of me, tom was the one in this body?" jake asks you. You knew this was tormenting Jake. You had been tom's girlfriend just before he went to earth. And there he was murdered. When jake came to the RDA and took tom's place. For you it was a big shock, Jake was just like your ex-boyfriend, but so different at the same time. You had to admit that Jake was the only thing that kept you sane those months. Not to mention the relationship that formed between the two of you. Jake allowed you to see neytiri again and get closer to the clan. Jake could be a fool, but the fool you liked the most. The rest is history.

You turn around before leaving the marui, tears in your eyes. "Believe it or not, I am very happy…but I wish your insecurities didn't affect this family" you speak, walking out of the marui leaving jake alone with his thoughts. You liked that Jake opened up to you, but you would like to see him try to improve his relationship with his children. Because it wasn't just lo'ak, neteyam was also affected by jake's treatment. You pause for a moment, taking a deep breath and wiping away your tears. You calm down a bit, and start looking for tuk. Luckily for you, the girl wasn't far away. She was sitting with neteyam playing.

You approach the children, see how they look at you and their eyes light up. "Hello" you greet them, sitting down next to tuk. "Look my love, you forgot these things" you hand the things to tuk. The little girl thanks you, she didn't dare to come back for them. "Thank you mommy" tuk says, now sitting on your lap. You can feel neteyam's eyes glued to you, he knew things were not good between his parents. The news that you were likely to leave had destroyed him. Neteyam could be strong, and always be by Jake and Neytiri's side. But you were his refuge, where he could go and be a child again. If he was to be judged for a second. "Mom?" neteyam speaks to you, you look at him quickly. "Mmm?" you are helping tuk, when you feel neteyam sit down next to you. "Is it true that you are going to go and leave us?" neteyam speaks waiting for you to answer. "Mom? You are going to leave us?" yells tuk. You sigh, you had gone through a pretty strong disappointment a few minutes ago and you wanted to control yourself.

"Where did you hear that neteyam?" you look at the boy, you thought you had argued in private, but you guess your screams were too loud. "We heard it by accident, I promise" neteyam gets nervous, but you hold his hand to calm him down. "mom if you go…can I come with you?" neteyam was getting sentimental, you caress his face a little. Laughing a little and tapping your arms to give him support. "I'm not going anywhere…but if I did. Of course you can go with me." You speak, watching as neteyam pouts. You joke a little, in order to change the topic. You didn't like them getting involved in adult issues, you knew they had been through a lot. At such a young age.

It wasn't long before you started to feel a little dizzy. You tried to hold your child tighter in your lap, but you felt like you were about to throw up. Never having felt like this before. You push tuk a little so that the girl slips out of your lap, placing your hands on your stomach, you were in a lot of pain. Neteyam noticed this, and quickly began to help you. "What's wrong mom?" neteyam holds your shoulders. The vomiting was something you couldn't help, and you swore you were emptying yourself alive. neteyam held you so you wouldn't mess yourself up. "Mom!" the boy whines, he has never seen you like this before. It was so strong that as soon as you recover, your sight goes blank.

You start to get up, you could hear some voices around you. You didn't open your eyes yet, but you could distinguish them. One was from neytiri, and the other was from ronal. You could feel some warm things on your body, and some parts were wet. You start to become conscious, opening your eyes a little at a time. "Ma Y/n!!!" neytiri sounded so happy, she had a nice smile on her face. On the other hand, ronal was moving away from your body. You could tell she looked exhausted. "What happened?" you try to get up, but you barely had any strength. "You fainted again and neteyam warned us" neytiri explains, stroking your hair. Something seemed curious about neytiri, she was supposed to be worried and she looked so happy. "You are sick…you need to rest and take medicine" said Ronal, the woman was already looking in some containers for the herbs to prepare the medicine you had to take. The more you woke up you realized that you were in the marui that Ronal used to take care of the sick na'vi. "And the children?" you look weakly at neytiri. "They are with Jake, don't worry," Neytiri speaks, settling in closer to your side.

You rest a little, but you feel how Ronal starts to remove the towels that were warm before. Drying your exposed skin a bit. He had been using compresses and hot towels to try to get you up. "The medicine is a little strong, but it won't hurt the baby," says Ronal, holding out a jar of carracol. Your eyes widen in surprise, what the hell was this woman talking about, pregnant? This woman is crazy. "Baby? No, I'm not pregnant" you speak, now you had recovered all your strength. You were surprised. You look at neytiri, but she had a look that was worrying you. "ney" you push her a little, you needed her to speak. "Y/N I thought you are…since the symptoms" neytiri can't contain her joy. "Plus we did an abdominal test and we could feel something" ronal looks at you, handing you the drink. You are confused, and now you were about to vomit at the news. How could that be possible, you were sure you weren't pregnant.

Hey, you and Jake had been together. Well…ever since you had joined the clan. You two hadn't kept your hands off each other. Well… the three of you. You were sure neytiri knew you weren't pregnant. The idea of having a baby doesn't enter your head, not now that the atmosphere is so tense. You take the drink, you notice how Ronal is watching you. Making sure you take all the medicine. "Ahh it's disgusting" you complain. Listening to neytiri laugh, you liked seeing her like that. It's been a long time since you've seen her this happy, it was genuine happiness. "Well…I'll let you rest here. I'll come by later and check on you" ronal gets up from the floor, and walks out of the marui. Leaving you and neytiri alone. You were exhausted, but you can feel neytiri touch your stomach. Causing you to look at her with surprise. "We will have another baby ma y/n" neytiri smiles. "But when?" you had many questions, when you found out you were pregnant with lo'ak it was because norm did a test on you. But now it had been a natural test that na'vi women did to find out if they were pregnant. "I think it was the day at the beach" neytir laughs a little, blushing. You start to remember and you want to curl into a ball. You were scared, really scared.

"Hey, don't be scared. I'll be right here with you. And we've been looking for this for so many years," says Neytiri. And she was right, it got to the stage where the pregnancies were more about the two of you. They were very intimate between you and Neytiri. You wanted to be in on the whole process, including the excitement of being pregnant. It would build on the bonds that would be formed with the children. "I know…but this news is very unexpected…and even more so now that I want to kill Jake," you say. ""You haven't talked?"" asks neytiri, she wanted this to be resolved. "Ney…I need him to be a better father to lo'ak and you know I'm right" you speak. Neytiri is thoughtful for a moment, she knew you were right, and she would support you in whatever decision you make. And even more so at this moment. "Well, I'm going to let you rest. Ronal said he would come later. I'll come later." neytiri wanted to break the news to everyone in the family. A baby was big news for her, and she knew everyone would be happy. Giving you a soft kiss, and another on the palms of her hands. You swear you saw Neytiri jump a little in happiness, her tail wagging from side to side and the smile on her face was beautiful. You lay back on the comfortable bed and closed your eyes. You had to rest, otherwise you were going to die of madness.

"Ok, but you have to cut it like this" jake was with lo'ak. The man had decided to go looking for his son after the argument he had with you. Inviting him to go fishing, obviously this was a strange thing for lo'ak to do. But spending the afternoon with his father was making him very happy. Lo'ak was cleaning the fish as jake told him to, looking carefully at the instructions. "And what do I do with this?" lo'ak points with disgust, at the fish's stomach. "Remove it…that's disgusting" jake mimics lo'ak's wince as they both laughed. It was a very nice moment for both of them, jake had to admit that he had missed a lot of moments with lo'ak. While lo'ak and jake were busy, kiri, neteyam and tuk were sitting somewhere in the corner of the marui talking and playing with each other. When they noticed how their mother came in with a happiness. "I have good news," said neytiri.

"How is mom!!!" lo'ak gets up quickly, running to neytiri. "she's fine…but" neytiri pauses, walking over to jake to sit next to him. "What's wrong, she's supposed to just be sick at her stomach" jake says. The last he heard from you, neteyam had taken you to see ronal. And that you had a lot of stomach pain. "It's not a bad thing��come here everybody, come on!" neytiri makes the signal for everyone in the family to come over. Everyone sits around, neytiri looked so excited. "This is so big for this family… Y/N is expecting a baby" neytiri sounds the news, jake gets so excited he hugs neytiri right away. "No way!!!" shouts kiri hugging tuk and the little girl was already very excited. "Another sully to the family" says neteyam, excited. But apparently the news had not gone down well with everyone, "WHAT?" Lo'ak literally screams, capturing her parents' attention. "Lo'ak what's wrong?" neytiri is now confused, this is supposed to be a big surprise.

"Why is mom going to have a baby? She can't have one!!!" Lo'ak was getting a little upset. This was a jealous reaction, and neytiri and jake could tell. "hey lo'ak I need you to calm down" jake tries to calm him down. But the boy stands up in annoyance, getting out of the marui. "Lo'ak needs to stop having tantrums, he's too old to be having these dramas" kiri says. Neytiri taps her knee, kiri complains. Everyone in the family knows how lo'ak was with you, everything that had to do with you affected lo'ak twice as much. Jake was about to get up and go talk to the boy. But he feels neteyam's hand stop him. "Dad…I'll talk to him" says neteyam. Jake looks quickly at neytiri, who signals him to let his brother go get him. Neteyam gets up from the ground and leaves the marui to look for his brother. It doesn't take him long to find him, he was relatively close. Lo'ak was sitting in the sand, he could tell he was crying.

"Little brother…you're jealous" says neteyam. Listening as lo'ak whined. "What do you want you idiot!!!" lo'ak grudgingly replies to neteyam. But neteyam ignores him, laughing and sitting down next to him. "I know you must be feeling jealous," says neteyam. Lo'ak rolls his eyes in white. He didn't want to be messing around with neteyam, sometimes he could be very annoying. "You know…when you were born I felt a little jealous, but when tuk was born I must admit I couldn't help but feel very jealous. Our moms were with her all the time and didn't pay attention to us. " said neteyam. "Yes, but my mom has always paid attention to me" lo'ak says sounding a bit smug. Neteyam laughs, he had to admit that his little brother looked adorable. "And she's always going to love you, I'm the big brother. And having to share everything…but the love mama has for you is special and no one will ever change it," Neteyam speaks. Lo'ak is silent, neteyam stands up and taps his brother on the shoulder. Stepping away to let him think for a moment.

That same afternoon…

You were already up, and it was getting dark. You had to admit that you were pretty bored. Ronal was taking longer than usual. You wanted to be home, you felt a little better. And now that you knew you were sick and the pregnancy symptoms were making it worse, you felt somewhat reassured. Although the news of your pregnancy was not something you were very happy about. Sure, you were happy to have a baby. You had waited for this opportunity for so long, but it had to happen right now. Just now when the situation with lo'ak was very active.

You were so wrapped up in your own thoughts, that you didn't notice when Ronal entered the marui. The woman can see that you were a bit lost. "The news of the baby surprises you, doesn't it? Because it does to me," says Ronal, putting some things she brought to refill. You look at her a little startled, and became a little alert at the tone of Ronal's voice. You weren't friends, and ronal tolerated you and treated you well because tonowari told her to. "Yes…it's a surprise," you say. Trying not to sound awkward. "It seems kind of unreal to me…that one" Ronal scans you up and down. "Human is pregnant, I have doubts even with your supposed child" ronal speaks, she could be quite direct. She didn't mind hurting other people's feelings. "Excuse me?" you get more comfortable in your bed. "Don't take this the wrong way…but it's weird" ronal chuckles a little. You decide to ignore her, you didn't want to argue because you still felt a little bad.

Ronal prepared more medicine for you to take in the next few days. Supposedly some food had made you sick. After several days you are supposed to be left with only the symptoms of pregnancy. She might be a little mean, but she wouldn't hurt you. You get up carefully, leaving Marui. Ronal all this time had been making uncalled for comments about you and your child. But at no time did you want to answer him, you didn't want to cause trouble. "Hey by the way" Ronal starts talking. You stop, and look back.

"I heard you wanted to go back to the jungle…and you know what" Ronal laughs again to herself. You didn't understand what you had done to this woman, but she seemed to hate you. "I think it would be best for your family. Even for that child…lo'ak. When you weren't here, we barely heard the sully. And as far as I can see all you've done is mess everything up around here," Ronal says, turning to continue working. You sigh, you weren't going to give her the pleasure of her seeing you cry, getting out of that marui as fast as you could. Back to the familiar marui, you couldn't help but get Ronal's words out of your head, maybe she was right. Maybe they were better off without you. And now you had one more problem.

P.s The reason I wrote that the reader was pregnant is that the original request asked for two children. Lo'ak and the baby on the way. Second, the reader is still upset with jake, but I wanted to fix things up a bit. Because I want it to focus more on the relationship between lo'ak and his mom.

Tag: @baybaybear1@hoodiepandaninja16@teyyyteyyy@anika-rose-walker@victoria2054@raviolisblog@jessi-dan@neteyams-wh0re@jimfiqs@bitchykittenconnoisseur@chershire23@holynightnacho@danilezilla@thepotatoislost @esposadomd @ratchetprime211 @juneonhoth

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM A COURT OF WINGS AND RUIN *  assorted lines from the novel by sarah j. maas, adjust as necessary

only you can decide what breaks you. only you.

tonight, i want you to wear that crown to bed. only the crown.

i believe everything happens for a reason.

this could be a very bad idea.

we can make whatever rules we want.

leave a note... or tell me next time.

you have every right to question me.

i don't see you spouting poetry.

i missed you. every second. every breath.

you're my equal. and as much as that means we have each other's backs in public, it also means we grant each other the gift of honesty... of truth.

is there a purpose to your visit, or may i return to my book?

kindness can thrive even amongst cruelty.

it's a rare person to face who they are and not run from it... not be broken by it.

it's fine if you drink directly from it.

i wish i had been there to stop it. i should have been there to stop it.

my goal was bigger than revenge.

i belong to no one, but my heart belongs to you.

i hadn't realized i was a villain in your narrative.

there are many types of strength beyond the ability to wield a blade and end lives.

you are your own person, you make your own choices.

i'd like a word.

you are a better friend to me than i ever was to you.

i want to share this bed with you. i want you to hold me.

remember that you are a wolf, and you cannot be caged.

we're all a little broken in our own ways... in places no one might see.

i would have waited five hundred more years for you. a thousand years.

you are a warrior, and warriors know when to pick their fights.

they took what is ours. and we do not allow these crimes to go unpunished.

i believe that everything happened exactly the way it had to... so i could find you.

it is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters.

ready to be wicked?

one life may change the world.

i missed you, too.

this is war. we don't have the luxury of good ideas - only picking between the bad ones.

it is a new world, and we must decide how we are to end this old one and begin it anew.

i see all of you. and there is not one part that i do not love with everything i am.

it'll be dangerous.

i have no regrets in my life, but this.

i will find you in the next world, the next life.

what we think to be our greatest weakness can sometimes be our biggest strength.

i won't tell anyone unless you say so.

when you erupt, make sure it is felt across worlds.

you bow to no one.

leave this world a better place than how you found it.

you do not fear. you do not falter. you do not yield.

will you come with me on this adventure, and all the rest?

do not get distracted. do not linger.

it's already ended badly.

for someone who was just dead, you seem remarkably relaxed.

they're terribly cruel to me.

here's to family reunions.

i will fight with everything i have, too.

what time are we back in the training ring tomorrow?

daylight is a precious resource.

[grapejuicestyless]

Just Because You Cannot Have Her.

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Summery: You’ve always been in love with the oldest Fisher. Having grown up to be his practical twin, it was almost impossible not to. When he makes it clear he likes someone else, you try to move on. And it almost works.(inspired by that one scene between Laurie and Amy in Little Women!)

Angst to fluff to angst to fluff again(it’s a lot.)

To me, he wasn’t only the sun. He was the moon and the stars. He was the smell of the fresh grass and the sound of the beach. He was all of my favorites things. And to him, I was his best friend.

Conrad and I grew up together. Our mothers all going to college. My mother rooming with Laurel and Susannah, creating the foundation of a new friendship. One that led us to Boston right beside her and the summer long vacations only I would attend during the summer as my moms work grew more demanding. Susannah lived next door to us my whole life. A pretty house on a more quiet road in Massachusetts. The houses mere feet apart. Windows reflecting each other.

Nights were spent the three of us each school year, playing in the garden with sticks as swords and watching cheesy movies before color had reached the big screen. Just me, Jeremiah and Conrad. All year long. All day long.

I still remember the day we figured it out, Conrad and I. How my window was directly facing his. Same floor, same height. How if we tried hard enough, we could communicate late at night and never be apart.

Jeremiah was an important part of our trio, but as they always say, there’s a duo in every trio. That was me and Conrad. It was obvious, the way we sat closer together. My head on his chest and his legs thrown over my lap. How by some force, no matter the scenario, it was always him and me against it. No matter Jeremiah’s efforts, it seemed that he could never quiet catch up. He wasn’t mad by it, he understood even then that what we had was special, but he also had a right to want that. To want that force that constantly seemed to keep Conrad and I intertwined.

And with the knowledge of that force and the closeness of it all, how could I not fall for the boy that was my best friend? My everything. Him with his blonde hair and boyish grin, eyes crinkling and shoulders hunched. He understood my jokes, even when they weren’t that good and yet, he laughed at each one. Because I was the one telling them. We flowed continuously, like a perfect line drawn on a piece of paper.

But I guess that force wasn’t as strong as I believed. Because while it had pulled me to him in every way a person can be pulled, Conrad seemed to have been left behind. Unaffected by it all. Able to fall for everyone else around him while I remained trained to him like a puppy eager to gain his affection.

Belly and Steven were an added part of our group. Each summer they’d travel down to the beach, stay just down the hall from us and enjoy the same games and closeness I was lucky enough to have all year.

Yet, with her youngness, in some way I still got everyone to myself. If it were to be a house party or a late night rendezvous, it was always the three of us and occasionally Steven.

Last summer was different. To me, to her. To everyone. Belly changed. Like the seasons or the tide, Belly lost her braces and ditched the glasses. Hair flowing behind her like a movie scene. A character straight from a love story. I always saw her as beautiful. Always believed she had the looks and personality to make any boy chase her, leaving a trail of drool behind. But now, everyone else could see it too. Conrad could see it too.

And that summer, he spent it stuck to her hip like glue. Leaving me colder and more alone than I’d ever been in my entire life.

I had been forgotten like nothing ever happened between us. Like we hadn’t come up with our own way of conversation through the windows. Like we hadn’t cried over the notebook or sat on the floor playing Barbie’s until our knees hurt and our back were sore. Like we didn’t know the ins and outs of each other. To be thrown to the side like a distraction felt like a punch to the gut. But the affection that Belly gained from Conrad while I lost everything was a bullet, killing me slowly while I bled all over Susannah’s white bed sheets.

Summer came and went. Slower than I wished. But that’s what happens when the world crumbles around you. Losing your best friend, and also the love of your life to the girl you’d happily consider a younger sister. Watching her get the attention I’d always wanted. His lips ghosting over hers and his hands tracing her hips like she was art. All while my hands held themselves and my lips were bitten raw.

The fall wasn’t much better. College was hard. So far away from home, and even farther from Jere and Conrad. I could count down the days until summer. I wouldn’t have Conrad, I accepted that. But I would always have Jeremiah. The boy who was always my younger self. My other best friend who stuck by me as he watched Conrad rip pieces of my heart out each day without any knowledge of what he was doing. He comforted me on the days that I seemed to be nothing more than a distant memory to Conrad. He sat with me both in person and on the phone for hours, catching up and doing the things I had only ever done with Conrad.

I went to NYU, much to everyone’s dismay. I’d sworn on Brown. Going somewhere with Conrad to stay together. Two peas in a pod. He’d looked disappointed at my decision, but he could’ve seen it coming. With him no longer wanting me, it felt wrong to follow him around. To stay stuck to another woman’s boyfriend, if that’s what you could call them.

Conrad and Belly were never exclusive. They never set clear boundaries of their relationship. They flirted and teased. Played around and fought, but they never stuck completely. Deep down, Belly had a crush brewing for Cam Cameron, and anyone who wasn’t an idiot could see the blush spread across her cheeks whenever Jeremiah walked into the room. Conrad, to him it felt like Belly was it. He had no other women around him. He stopped flirting freely at bonfires and rarely went out without her. He was more set on a true relationship. Knowing that is what hurt the most. So, I left. Not wanting to stay in a place I did not feel welcome.

Again, the seasons passed. Changing like the people within it. And finally, within the snow and the rain, I came home to a familiar neighborhood. My luggage in the trunk of an even more familiar red Jeep. The Fishers and I were reunited, almost fully. Susannah slept peacefully in the back seat, head leaned up against the window, pen laid dainty in between her slim fingers adorned with beautiful jewels. Jeremiah was driving, a new smile on his face as the summer sun shined down on us. Meanwhile, I sat passenger side, sock clad feet up on the dash and a pack of gummy worms on my lap. Feeding a few to Jere every couple seconds. It was perfect. An atmosphere that was light and gentle. The only missing piece was my best friend in the whole world, Conrad Fisher.

He had decided to drive up by himself this year, having been away at Brown and getting the chance to head off early. It made perfect sense. But the idea that our annual car rides were no longer existing, ached. I had already lost him in the summer, I could accept that. But to lose him year round? It was a new pain I couldn’t even think about dealing with. So I took it as it was, a perfect excuse.

“You okay?” His voice was smooth, warm. I let my eyes flicker from the side mirror. My face turned to look at the tan skinned boy next to me.

Jeremiah was always beautiful. He had the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. One that reflected the clearest summer day I could wish for. Yet, in the lightness, they also held depth. Sparkling with impulse and enthusiasm. His smile was infectious. Bright white in a way you could only dream it to be in the movies. Something that no one would believe to be a true description until they saw it. He had curly hair that wasn’t quite brunette, but not light enough to be blonde.

I still remembered the day he ran to me crying. He’d always hated his curls. He longed to have the straighter hair that his older brother had. He always looked up to Conrad. In ways so extreme that he wanted to be just like him. Conrad had told him that his sandwich crust made his hair curly. It was funny until it wasn’t. I spent the whole day styling Jeremiah’s hair until it was sticky with hair product and styled in his own way of perfection. He looked almost humorous with his usually wild hair all done up, but handsome none the less. He had really grown into himself through the years, it was hard not to notice him.

The memory made me smile, only the sound of a far out car horn shaking me back to the present.

“Just really excited to be back. College kicked my ass.” My smile was tight lipped, but genuine. Jeremiah returned the look, sighing as he looked out to the road ahead, taking in the familiar scenery.

“Me too.” I caught his eyes quickly flick over to mine, a smile still spread on his cheeks. A blush on mine. He was one of my best friends. My younger self. I shouldn’t have been so flustered to have been caught admiring the boy, but for some reason the heat bubbled up in my stomach anyways. I needed air, a sharp intake of it getting stuck in my throat as I felt a warmth wrap around my hand.

His larger hand laid comfortably in mine, squeezing innocently and shaking it as if to symbolize excitement. Yet, in that moment, the innocent gesture felt more intimate than a pure platonic feeling. Again, the heat rose to my cheeks, and the butterflies made me feel uneasy. But I brushed it off as over tiredness.

When we pulled into the driveway, I noticed all the other cars already parked. We had been the last to arrive, another odd experience as we were always the first.

Quickly, the families raced out the door to greet us. Steven and Belly shoving off each other to race to Jere and I. Belly got to me first, her arms wrapping around my body so hard I stumbled back at her force.

“I’m so glad you’re here! I missed you!” Her words were muffled by my shoulder, head buried into my skin like I’d slip away if she didn’t hold on to me tight.

“I missed you more, Bells. I have no one to watch all these movies with me when I’m away.” I motioned to the bag I had stashed away in the back seat next to were Susannah was once sitting. Belly pulled away in excitement, head peaking over my shoulder to inspect the stack of old discs peaking out from the bag. Her attention back on me as she stepped away.

“Look at you, all grown up.” I held her face between my hands, eyes squinting to fully admire her beauty. She truly changed last summer, having lost her braces and glasses. But somehow, the girl managed to get even more stunning in the passing year, proving to everyone she wasn’t so little anymore. She brushed me off, scoffing playfully before motioning to me.

“Look at me? Look at you! College did wonders!” I shrugged off the complement, not really seeing any changes.

It was true though, I had grown in college. Always a late bloomer, my chest had gone up a size. My wild hair was more tamed and my lips reddened. I changed from that young graduate who was sworn into baggy college shirts and swimsuit bottoms into someone who didn’t truly mind tighter shirts with half sleeves or jean shorts that were slightly scandalous. I had grown into a more confident version of myself while away from the crutches of comfort back home.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught Conrad walking towards us, his eyes avoidant of Belly and glued to me, the first time I truly felt his gaze in almost a full year. He made a B-line to me, smile plastered across his face before Jeremiah intercepted his welcome. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed, even if I had convinced myself all feelings for him were in the past. That I could move on.

I felt Stevens arm loop around my shoulders, “Blah, blah, blah. Y/n, I think you’ve had enough time to catch up. You know what time it is?” She shared a look, my eyes catching Jeremiah’s, his looking to Conrad’s.

“Belly flop!” I was quick to declare, Belly’s eyes widening. She was quick to try to make an escape, but not quiet quick enough.

She ran right into Jeremiah. Him and Conrad restraining her arms while Steven and I latched onto her legs. We rushed over to the pool, excited to toss her in yet another year. She screamed and thrashed, only to be met with the fate of the bottom of the pool.

The water splashed onto our legs, her body submerging underneath. I let myself fall into Jeremiah with an excited laugh. His arms wrapped around my body almost protectively, head tilted down to look at me. It was inviting and all so warm. Summer had officially begun.

The beach house was lively and bustling with people running from room to room. Trying to complete each thing that needed to be done to fully enjoy the summer. Susannah and I seemed to be the only two in place. Even Laurel rushing around to help out.

The kitchens surface was layered in fruits and flour tossed around it. The evidence of the crime scene on our faces. Powder smears across cheeks and a red ring over lining my lips from what could’ve been cherry or strawberry juice.

Susannah had sworn that the dessert she had been planning to make would taste so much better from scratch. She was right, like always. Her baked goods always were, and the small cakes in all various shapes and sizes were just as delicious as promised. Now the only thing left to show was the plate filled with the fresh pastries and the mess to prove we really had made them.

We laughed about it, when stepping back to observe our damage, a hand going to her forehead. Both in humor for the situation and some stress.

“What exploded in here?” We turned on our heals to the voice, laced in shock and amusement. The matching expression belonging to the boy I couldn’t seem to escape all day. Jeremiah.

“We made pastries!” Even my best jazz hands couldn’t hide the fact that everything was everywhere. Not even my best smile could hide the small regret I felt for making it with Susannah.

Sometimes, I believed Jeremiah was a psychic. As I could’ve seen the stress on Susannah’s perfect face, it was like he could simply feel it. With one small flick of his hands, he nodded knowingly, always wanting to be a help.

“Mom, why don’t you relax. I’m sure Y/n and I can handle a little mess.” We exchanged a glance. I nodded frantically, wanting to help out Susannah in every way possible.

“Are you sure?” She sounded more relieved than anything.

“Yes, of course. Now go, watch a movie or read a book. Paint! Why don’t you paint!” I shooed her away, helping Jere get her to settle in for the day.

The room was silent as she left, her presence only known because of what she had left behind. I almost laughed at how messy a grown woman could be, but I wasn’t any better, so who was I to judge?

“You really know how to make an entrance.” Jeremiah mused, eyeing me up and down while lifting the trash can over to the edge of the island top.

“What can I say? I’m an artist.” Picking up some flour from the countertop, I tossed it on his face, holding my hands up in a picture motion, as if I was trying to get the right framing for my work.

“Perfect!” I joked, a playful smirk on Jeremiah’s face.

We were quick in cleaning the kitchen. All appliances already washed and put away as we used them. So all there was to do was to clean whatever didn’t make it into the pans and bowls. It looked just like new, shining like it had before our baking process.

Again, I stepped back to admire our work, only this time, Jeremiah admired it with me. Looking at each other, I felt sure we had done the best job that could’ve been done.

“I think we make a good team. Absolutely spotless.” Looking at me up and down, it became apparent again that even as clean as the kitchen was, I needed to change my shirt.

“Shit.” I pulled the bottom of the material out, inspecting the spots of dust that scattered all over it. Frowning, I flattened it back out, ready to mock myself for a joke.

Jeremiah’s face didn’t change though, still casting that same smile that seemed to always be lazily stretched across his features. His hand found my skin for the second time that day. Only it didn’t wrap around my fingers in an embrace. Instead, he lifted his hand to my face. Thumb pressed to my lips, he smeared away the bottom of my cherry-strawberry ring that was beginning to stain.

Again, the heat rose and I felt almost fluttery at the closeness of it all. The intimacy of his actions.

“I like the red lip thing, by the way. Suits you.” With that he pulled away, thumb brought up between his own and sucking off the juice gathered across the tip.

He walked away like nothing had happened, while I stood there, red in the face and stuck on what had just happened. The boy I had always turned away in hopes that Conrad would chase after me like I had to him, was openly flirting with me. And I didn’t mind it.

Maybe it was the fact that I was lonely without the burning love for Conrad to fill my heart, or maybe it was the new found bond we formed over the last year. Which ever it was, it was leading me straight to my best friends arms, whether I liked it or not.

The sun rose high above the horizon, casting an unbearable heat across Cousins. It was the beginning of July, officially today. Just a week after everyone had piled into their designated vehicles and arrived to their home away from home, the one place we could all be together constantly.

To say that the week had been weird would be an understatement. I had fully prepared to be ignored by Conrad all summer, my heart slowly closing itself off, finally healing from his sour attitude from the previous year and finding it in myself to move on. However, to my surprise, he didn’t. No, within the first twenty four hours, Conrad was banging on my door. Demanding we go early morning surfing. Something we hadn’t done in years.

Conrad first proposed the activity when we turned fourteen. Just old enough to go out unsupervised during the day. At first I had been skeptical, unsure of how great my surfing abilities were in comparison with Conrad’s. At how well I could get back above the water if I were to fall. But Conrad always had a way of convincing me otherwise. Like the angel and devils sat on my shoulder, he could sway me whichever way he wanted. It was a power only Conrad had ever held over me. Something that was not only endearing, but scary. Something I vowed to not allow anyone else to have over me.

It became a tradition for three years straight. Waking up early for at least half of the weekdays to either play around in the water or float for hours. Burning and getting more delirious by the hour. Sharing anything and everything with each other. Something I held close to me, in those years.

By eighteen, Conrad had turned moody, starting what could be summed up as last summer in a nutshell. His ignorance towards my feelings and his inability to care about the ones he did know about ending the tradition by mid July. I used to pray he would knock on my doors to go again, but the knock never came. And as any sensible person would, I stopped pretending like it was possible to happen again.

But maybe I had been wrong, seeing as Conrad was once again, knocking at my door.

The waves had been particularly calm that morning, barely rocking the boards up and down. We decided to just float along the waters that day, the air quiet and calm.

“I missed this.” His voice cut through the silence like a knife. I raised my head from the water, where my hands had been making shapes along the surface.

“So why’d you stop doing it?” The words came out harsher than intended. After all, I was enjoying our time together. I had missed him terribly. After all, while having a younger me around was soothing, having your other half was so much more fulfilling in some ways.

I guess it was the pent up frustrations I hadn’t known I had until that moment. The anger that was caused by the fact that Conrad had me. He had me in the palm of his hands and deep down he knew he did. He knew I would go wherever he went. The poor idiot unable to see his disinterest in me. He had walked out, and I had let him back in. Just like every fight ever, he would come back begging and I would crumble immediately.

I decided then I could be his friend, I always would. It was something that was irreversible. I would let him back into my heart as my best friend, but it ended there. I refused to let him back in romantically. Something that was strange to know. Something I never dreamed of happening.

Sure the feelings were still there, I believed they always would be, but I would no longer act on them. And hopefully I could learn to love another.

Conrad fell quiet again after that. Not knowing what to say. Anything, everything fell short.

“I’m sorry, Y/n/n. I’ve been such an asshole to you. I was just, scared of everything and not where I should’ve been last summer. I shouldn’t have taken out my issues on you. I shouldn’t have ignored you. If I could take it all back I would. I miss my other half.” It was genuine, each word out of his mouth. My heart beat faster with the idea that Conrad had phrased it, “other half” instead of, “best friend” because he held some sort of feelings for me. But my logical half shut that idea down as quick as it happened, and nothing came of it.

In the evening, I had been playing volleyball in the pool with Belly. Having been a retired varsity player, it was always fun to get competitive with her. Diving into the water and scraping our feet on the bottom of the pool. It was messy but fun.

With it being played just us for awhile, Belly jumped at the idea to have Jeremiah and Steven join us. The pair having walked outside unaware to the intense battle going on in their swim trunks, they were quickly recruited to our teams.

The usual teams were me and Steven, our competitive nature making us a powerhouse against the usual Belly and Jeremiah. Who were just as good but lacked the same fire. Without hesitation, they jumped into the water, calling dibs on their teams.

“Alright I call y/n!” Jere was quick, his sprint slowed to a hop in the waist deep water, arms wrapped around my frame in a tight hug.

Belly scoffed.

“What’s wrong with being on my team?” She demanded to know, her tone dripping with playfulness.

Jeremiah rolled his eyes.

“No offense, Bells. But I want to win for once.” She stuck her tongue out sourly, Steven shooting me daggers, ready to destroy us.

While Jeremiah’s excuse was reasonable, his lingering touches and constant banter with me made it more apparent he had other reasons to be on my team. The way his hands held onto the ball just a moment longer when handing the ball to me to serve over the net, just to brush against my fingers or the way his body was never too far from mine. It was all so flirtatious, the familiar fluttery feeling returning.

In the end, we had won, much to Stevens dismay. It was a close game, but ultimately he had lost control of the ball, causing a hard loss for Belly. The pair fought innocently while we relished in our newly earned bragging rights. Jeremiah’s arms wrapped around me again, only to lift me from the water and spin us around to celebrate. All the new closeness was unusual, but for some reason, again I found myself unable to push it away. And the more he did it, the more I wanted him to keep flirting with me.

Maybe it was the attention, something I had always wanted, or maybe it was something new blossoming between us. But it was good and it was sweet. Something I hadn’t known before.

By the end of the week it seemed my days were split into fractions. My mornings taken up my Conrad, our bodies laid along the beach and our cheeks red with the sun. Muffins runs long and hilarious each time we drove off to collect a batch together. Conrad insisting Steven wouldn’t mind if he ate the last blueberry one and being wrong each time, resulting in the scramble to get more. In the afternoons I found myself devoted to Jeremiah. All his activities he wanted to do, he had somehow managed to rope me into doing with him. Whether it be running or swimming. Painting or just talking, I was there beside him. My eyes stuck to his like glue. And by the time night fell, I would be happily tucked under a blanket, Susannah and Laurel on one side and Belly squishing against my other as we watched the sappiest movies we could find and played the longest board games in the closet. Summer felt like summer again, and my heart was finally mending.

In my healing, it was like I had lost sight of the cause of the heartbreak. My head too stuck in the clouds that was the regaining of Conrad’s company and Jeremiah’s unrelenting interest in me to remember why the healing was necessary.

It seemed to have been over, this summer. The way Conrad avoided her more than usual. The way that the only times they were really together was when we were all in each other’s presence. But I would never really know as I am not them.

It was stupid to get so upset so late into the summer. Over something I should’ve seen coming. Something that had already came, just wasn’t as apparent. The moon was high and the moms were already settled in for the movie night. The blanket pulled up to their chins and popcorn buttery and still steaming.

Laurel had asked if I could go find Belly, not wanting to start without the person who adored these nights the most. Without thinking, I agreed. Why wouldn’t I? She was my little sister, in some ways. Someone who I refused to do the tradition without.

But god, I wish I hadn’t. I could’ve spared myself the heartbreak.

Conrad had Belly in his arms. Holding her loosely, letting her drift off without a care. All while his lips were on top of hers. Pressing into them with such force, such desire it made me sick. I had sworn to not let him back into my heart in that way, and I hadn’t. But the old feeling would always be there, and it would hurt each time he broke my heart like it was the first.

I wasn’t interested in the movie anymore. Yelling out some lazy excuse as to why I was going off to the beach to watch the stars instead of the movie. The mothers not giving it a second thought.

It was a mess, both mentally and physically. My brain scrambled in my emotions and my room reflecting it. My bathing suit was still damp, fitting perfect across my body even in the slight discomfort it gave me. The shirt I threw on over it wasn’t my own. The words, “Boston MA” spread across the chest. It hung at my thighs and it smelled fresh.

In moments like this I used to purposefully put on Conrad’s shirts I’d stolen over the years. The lingering scent of his cologne and the memories we held of him wearing them comforting enough. But in this moment, I wanted nothing more than to be as far away from his as possible.

I’m not sure who’s sandals I stole at the door were, but I hoped they didn’t need them anytime soon. Because I didn’t plan on coming back until the house was quiet and asleep.

The beach was my sanctuary. Peaceful, stranded at an hour like this. In any other place it would’ve been almost eerie, but I felt safe in Cousins. I knew nothing could hurt me here, and that in itself gave me peace.

The stars were brighter than usual tonight, sparkling on the surface of the very water I had laid across just hours before with Conrad. Confessing each dirty secret from college and laughing about our past. It felt more lonely now, then ever.

Even when Conrad and I were drifted, I felt more together than now. The wound reopened and bleeding.

The sand shuffled beside me, but my head was set on looking up. Unmoving.

“The stars are gorgeous tonight, huh?” The question was meant to be left unanswered. Only an attempt to get me to see that he was there, beside me now so I wouldn’t become startled by his presence later on. Still, I nodded. Eyes peeling from the sky to his.

They were just as bright and lively. Just as beautiful.

“Why’d you follow me? You my stalker now?” I tried to be funny, tried to joke. But my mouth was stuck in that almost permanent frown. I should’ve known he could sense my sensitivity, he always could. That’s probably what had drawn him out here in the first place. Always so attentive.

Still, to pity me, he laughed. It was quiet but it was there. Enough to make the corner of my mouth twitch upward. We fell into another silence. My eyes glossy.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours, y/n/n. Tell me.” His hand reached out to push at my shoulder, gaining my attention again, pulling it away from the sky.

I blinked away the tears, swallowing the lump in my throat. I shrugged.

“Honestly, I’m not really sure.” Closing my mouth, I licked along the top line of my teeth. Sucking in my lips, I let them pop to take in a sharp breath. All while Jeremiah sat there patiently, ready to listen. Always there.

“I guess it’s just, everything. I mean-“ I looked for the right words to say, not wanting to stumble or say something I didn’t mean.

“I feel like I’m just being overly emotional. Everyone’s trying so hard to mend relationships and I feel like I keep finding reasons to run away again. I mean, I’ve been horrible to Conrad the past year. And for what? Because I couldn’t control myself? I haven’t seen Steven in awhile and I don’t even know how Laurel is holding up. I’ve just…I don’t know why I feel like this.” Everything was building into a massive guilt, my head facing the ground. Ashamed at my own feelings. Jeremiah didn’t judge, he didn’t push for more. He let me say what I needed to say, and he supported it. He was good to me.

“Hey, hey.” He was quick, seeing how I was breaking down rapidly. Under the stress of now not only the heartbreak I was suffering, but the guilt that came with the buried desire for Conrad to leave her to be with me. It snowballed into one big vomit of grief that wasn’t discovered until that moment.

“I’m sorry.” I wiped my eyes, breathing into a weak chuckle. I tried to lighten the whole situation, knowing that he was already dealing with so much. I felt worse putting it onto his shoulders. I couldn’t. So I avoided it. Changed the subject.

“Shit, Jere. I shouldn’t have brought you into it.” I looked at him, his eyes already trained on mine, his eyebrows knit together.

“Don’t be. I’ll always be there for you, Y/n. Promise.” His hands found mine in the dark, the sand getting stuck between the creases on our palms. They laid intertwined in the sand. The third time it had happened this summer. Somehow, even at my worst, he always found a way to break down the walls I was putting up.

My eyes flickered to his lips for only a moment, but the look on his face told me he was thinking about it too and the tension was palpable. Too lost in thought to lean in, Jeremiah closed the gap.

His lips slotted against mine perfectly. Molding together like they were one, pressing together hard. It was slow, but lustful. The knowledge that we both wanted more behind it, but the accompanying knowledge that it wouldn’t go beyond that kiss tonight was also there, creating a sort of comfort in the feeling.

Hands were soon tangled in each others hair, his curls ruined and messy from my constant tugging and messing with them. Groans escaping his mouth every so often when a tug was harder than usual. His hands finding the back of my neck to hold me close, our breathing heavy and the heat unbearable as it radiated between us. Everything was lustful and needy, slow and hot. Neither of us in a rush to end what was happening, everything feeling overwhelmingly good.

When we finally did pull away it was with a pop, lips swollen and reddened from a mixture of irritation and the small marks Jere had left littered across the bottom of mine with his tugging and gentle nips every so often. Eyes were heavy with desire and bodies unwilling to let go. It was like everything fell into place, like everything made sense. With Jeremiah so close, someone who cared for me, someone who constantly showed up, the heartache was almost nonexistent, and it felt like I was being pulled in a new direction. One that led me straight into the arms of the younger Fisher.

The kiss between Jeremiah and I should’ve stayed at that, a kiss. Realistically, I shouldn’t have done it at all. Knowing that even if I tried to stop it or refused to acknowledge it, my heart would always beat for Conrad. No matter how much of an asshole he had been to me. And that was the sad part, because his brother was so much kinder and better to me these past few years.

Maybe that’s why I agreed when it kept going. Why I allowed us to keep progressing into something more. Because even if my heart belonged to Conrad, Jeremiah was better for me, right?

That summer became last year, June coming up around the corner and still, physically I was Jeremiah’s.

Over our year together I had grown to love his curls, or the way he was so quick to visit me the second my voice faltered, despite his own troubles. How we had shared clothes and his touch was enough to send butterflies through my veins.

He was everything, someone I could grow to love as much as I did for Conrad. Someone that I could rely on. Someone who made my heart beat just a little bit faster.

If I had claimed that last summer was off, this one was tripled that.

What had started off semi normal in June, Conrad’s closeness in a strict platonic sense and Jeremiah’s closeness in a way that could be no where near a platonic level became more and more confusing as the weeks passed.

For the past two years of my life, I believed that one day the news would break that Conrad and Belly had finally found their place. Their title, their boundaries and make it exclusive. I believed that in her arriving with a new found beauty, I had lost the battle for him. I had come second to Belly in his eyes and would continue to forever if it meant he could be with her. But that never happened. The day never came.

And soon the lines became even more blurred. Conrad’s touches growing longer and closer. My body being pressed to his more often than not. His lips by my ear to whisper some secret, some dirty some innocent. His eyes staring just a second too long. It was almost flirtatious. But the minute Belly walked into the room, I was reminded that we could never be. And we would never be.

It wasn’t until the middle of August that I knew why the lines had seemingly disappeared. Belly and Conrad had stopped their messy make outs, both not getting what the other wanted, even if it had seemed like the pair was so enthralled by each other. And she had moved onto the boy she had been chasing for years. Cam Cameron. The boy who adored whales and had a heart of gold. His hair curlier than Jeres and eyes deeper than Conrad’s. It seemed that to her, she had finally found the person she needed around. And Conrad? He had nothing. Not even the girl he called his best friend to chase after him anymore. For she was with his brother now.

Still, the flirting was relentless. My mornings spent dedicated to Conrad, holding his hand as we attempted not to drift too far out in the calmness of the early ocean. His laugh warm and inviting. Something that reminded me why I enjoyed him so much. Even in his darkest moments, the ones where I was left to feel alone, he was always there to help me back up in the end. Mending his losses and fixing what was broke. He understood his issues, finding his own responsibility in situations that weren’t only his own cause. He was kind, he cared. He didn’t show it like Jeremiah did, but he had so much of it, it was just harder to see. He did everything for everyone.

My nights were for his brother. Jeremiah and I sprawled out on the grass, pointing at the stars, laughing about the stupidest things. I think back on why I like him so much. How easy it is to just be with him. How he never fights or lies or hurts. He’s there and accepts his faults, much like his brother. He is not ashamed like his brother. Not ashamed of his faults, he carries less guilt about the past, only worried about what he can do to fix it and continue on. And it is all so confusing because it feels impossible to long for two people at once. It feels selfish but it’s almost exactly what I want in that moment.

So the routine became something that I stuck to. Hiding away with Conrad in the sunlight to do our favorite things and holding onto Jeremiah throughout the night. The bed full, warm.

Somewhere in this thread, there was a bump. A miscommunication that led to Jeremiah wandering off to a party without me. One that I didn’t mind as it gave me a chance to clear my mind. Catch my breath on the situation. To do it in the one place I knew.

The concrete beneath my feet turned to sand, the softened surface relaxing as I tread across it. In the darkness I almost miss the hunched over figure in my spot. Red hoodie and messy hair unmissable. Easily identifiable even from the back, even with only an outline. An outline I had grown to recognize as Conrad’s.

I should’ve felt disappointed at the fact I wasn’t alone like I had planned to be, but I wasn’t. The idea that I would be with the one person I trusted more than life for a few hours wasn’t unsettling at all. It made it all more peaceful.

My legs folded underneath me, legs stretching out in front of me, I leaned back on my hands.

Looking up at Conrad I almost got a sort of deja vu from a similar conversation I was having just short of a year ago.

“What brings you down here this late?” I drew shapes in the sand, eyes drawn to his. He looked up to the sky, then back to me.

“I could ask you the same.” I smiled, only after realizing he had cracked one of his own.

“Clearing my mind.” I breathed out, relaxed fully next to him. I allowed myself to look at the stars with him.

“What are you think about?” I could hear his smile, something that made me feel warm. Something that made me want to express how I felt for him finally, but also urged me to put my strongest walls up.

The waves crashed against the shore and the crickets filled the silence. My teeth caught between my lip and my heart besting out of my chest, I felt dizzy in confusion. Where my heart lied.

“I think I might tell Jeremiah I love him.” I almost whispered it, like I was unsure.

The thought hadn’t crossed my mind before. I always knew my heart held something for Jeremiah. I always liked him. But not once did the idea of confessing my love for him cross my mind. Maybe it was because Conrad was close. He always had a way to make me confess my truest feelings. Maybe it was that, him helping me realize what I felt for his younger brother. Yet, in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but feel that the idea only came to mind in spite of Conrad, who had pushed me aside so many months ago. Who was now longing for my attention. And that alone made me feel sick. Sick that I would play with someone I adored so much at the expense of another, just to retaliate against old issues.

I expected a fake support from him. At least some sort of statement to encourage me to go for it. Something that I could try to believe was real and finally be able to let go of my twisted crush for him. One that I had held since I knew what love could be.

But his face fell flat, eyes looking almost coldly into the sky. His voice was dryer now, serious with each word he spoke.

“Don’t tell him.” I froze, confused but also bubbling with a mixture of frustration and sadness at his carelessness with such a heavy statement.

“What?” I tried to search his unmoving eyes.

“Don’t tell him.” He repeated, looking to me now.

“Why?” Looking at him, I saw the sun and the stars and moon, all lighting up the night sky. I saw the world in a way that made me want to put it in the palm of his hands. I saw something I’d never seen in his eyes before. A look I was only familiar with because it was a reflection of my own.

“Why?” He repeated me again, “You know why.”

My heart dropped. I had dreamt of this moment for years. Conrad running to me, asking me to take his hand. To be with him, but now, it felt almost sickening. Cruel for him to be doing this to me. Now, he had to do it. After his life fell apart and just as mine was coming together he had to do it.

I used my hands to slowly get up, Conrad mirroring my movements.

“No…no.” I repeated, trying to make my answer any more true.

“Yes.” His hand reached out to touch my cheek, but my hand was quick to push it away.

“No, Conrad.” I backed away more, letting him inch closer.

“What?” He asked, acting clueless to how he was ripping me apart all over again.

“You’re being mean, stop it. Stop it.”

“What? How am I being mean?” He almost sound amused at it, at how distressed I felt. All I could do was try to hold myself together for just a little longer.

“I have been second to Belly these past few years in everything. And I will not be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her.” My words held more truth than anything I had ever said in my life. The honest truth of how I felt these past few years, even if he never saw it.

“I won’t-I won’t do it.” I shook my head, his face broken and his eyebrows drawn together.

I wiped my brow, turning away briefly while my lip trembled. Slowly crumbling under the bubbling hot emotion coming up my throat, expanding into a lump.

“I won’t-not when I have spent my entire life loving you.” I wanted to point, stuck my finger right in his chest but my hands were glued to my sides, unwilling to touch him. With his silence as my returning answer, I took the chance to turn on the balls of my feet, walking off to the house in a new kind of distress than before.

I prayed that Jeremiah was still away, that I wouldn’t have to face him so soon but my prayers were left unanswered, a familiar frame sat over the kitchen island. His eyes drawn to his phone.

He smiled up at me as soon as he noticed I was in the room, everything about him so innocent and kind. Something I could never take advantage of. Something I could deprive someone else more deserving of it from.

His sweet smile soon turned into a mixed expression of pain and confusion. His feet carrying him across the room to me. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help but to put my arms out in front of me to create a distance. To relay it to him even when my mouth wouldn’t work that I could not be in his touch right now.

I shook my head before he could even speak, eyes opening, covered in a heavy gloss.

“What’s wrong?” He was almost frantic in the way he said it, wanting to provide comfort without knowing how.

“I-I can’t. I can’t do this, Jere. I can’t do this.” I kept repeating it like it would get any clearer.

“I can’t love you. And it physically hurts me to say it out loud because, because I should. You’re everything I could ever want but I just can’t and I don’t know why. And it’s wrong, and I’m sorry but I can’t keep doing this.” His face almost drained, attempting to salvage what I was so quick to let go of. But it all made sense.

It was foolish for him to believe that he could make me love him, when my heart so obviously still beat for Conrad. So he let me go just as he always does, without a fight. Letting there be peace in our divide.

The next few nights were unforgiving. The sheets a mess and my eyes tired. I couldn’t sleep knowing I had ruined everything in my eyes. What was something good I had to go and end because of my inability to let him go. Something I am unsure I will ever be able to do. Not when I’ve spent so much time bending to fit him.

Soon, summer would be over officially, even if to me it had ended that night. It was the last morning of August, the last day spent down in Cousins before we’d all pack our things into the car and count down the days until next June.

The sun had barely risen above the horizon when I woke. A familiar pattern. Not being able to sleep more than a few hours, the mess of everything keeping me awake.

It was mornings like these I wandered down to the beach, sitting myself in the same spot I had the night everything crashed down. It was all too peaceful for what had happened here, the only place I truly felt secure now. I couldn’t help but cry, looking out. Remembering everything that had happened, kissing those who were just a few feet away.

“Y/n!” His voice called out to me, like he knew I had woken up. He knew where I would be. And it was sweet but sickening.

“Why did you do it?” My voice broke, the question left unanswered. I heard his footsteps stop.

“Why now did you have to tell me? Why is it when I’m finally picking myself up you had to fuck with me. Why?” I all but sobbed, tears streaming freely.

Over my sniffles and pleas, I missed the sound of him moving again, his body finding a home in the sand next to mine. His voice quiet. He thought about it, hard. Trying to form some sort of confession that could sum up what he felt.

“Because if you said it, that meant he won. I would have finally lost you.” He looked at me truthfully, eye own eyes squinting in confusion, heart still aching.

“What?” I breathed out.

“I have spent every waking minute of my life so fucking in love with you, it physically hurt me to not be able to confess it. I was always too scared, seeing how perfect you looked with everyone else. I felt like I was dragging you down. Like I wasn’t enough. So, I found comfort in other people. People who were okay with me using them to forget. Because forgetting is better than living with the fact that my brother was with the only person I have ever loved.” My eyes searched his, his eyes glossy just like mine. His voice breaking and desperate. Wanting me, needing me to believe him.

“I love you too.” The smallest smile broke out across his face, one of relief and comfort in my words. I could sense the hesitation in his actions, and just as Jeremiah had to me, I closed the gap between us. Allowing my lips to press against his with desperation yet so much love. A kiss that had been coming for years. Building without either of us aware of its existence. It wasn’t long and lustful like Jere’s was. It was sweet and short. Just long enough to get across its impact. Just enough to take our breathes away.

His forehead rested on mine, his hands on mine and his eyes looking into mine. Breathing me in, letting us just be close for a moment, letting us just be there. Existing. And it was all so calming.

I always imagined this summer ending with Jeremiah and I celebrating our one year. His arms wrapped around me as we parted ways. I never could have imagined myself on the same beach it all started, the lips against mine not his, but his brothers. An old love becoming a new love. The beginning.

[tamaharu]

wait i just remembered i DO have unposted orv stuff that i can post for kim dokjas birthday. 2k of hot supreme king x reader fic dont like dont read!!!1!! orginal characarter do not steal!!!!!

(or, Yoo Joonghyuk takes a pit-stop in one of the world-lines. An old friend offers to pay for dinner.)

[Ah, late, so late! I can't believe I missed my alarm! And on my first day of work too... I was so worried, when I got off the train, I started running the rest of the way to the company. Hopefully nobody would notice that I was late. I had to get a new job after my boyfriend dumped me, and I couldn't afford to live on my previous salary.

As I rushed to the building, I had to push past many people to get to the doors. In my haste, however, I accidentally tripped! When I fell, I landed against something hard. "Oof!"

"Hey," a menacing voice said. "Watch where you're going next time! Don't be so quick to touch me!" Eep!

I stepped back quickly, bowing as deep as I could. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean t..." When I looked up I trailed off, becoming even more panicked. Ah, I recognized that man!

He looked down at me with a handsomely striking gaze. "You. What is your name?"

"I-It's L/N Y/N. Um, again, I'm so sorry... CEO-nim!" I bowed again. A nose and a chin shaped in perfect angles; a pair of deep eyes seemingly carved out of beautiful jewels; soft hair styled fashionably to frame his face... His suit, too, looked quite beautiful. I really messed up this time. Not only was I late, but I ran into the CEO of the company, the powerful Yoo Jo--]

I stopped there. I didn't bother to learn the name of the poor idol whose name had been stolen for this. Why was I even reading this? Reader-inserts were meant for wish fulfillment, but they always did something that took you out of the story. For the first part, I'd pay much more attention to my surroundings than that.

I pocketed my phone again, sighing. Perhaps I was the cynical one here? They were probably just written by young girls, daydreaming about getting to talk to a beloved character or idol, and was that so horrible? Actually, I believed in chance meetings, but I felt like the one here was a little too contrived...

Many thoughts went through my head as I stepped through a convenience store. Buying dinner after work was the only good thing about my job, I should just quit. Perhaps that would get me closer to the path of meeting a handsome CEO? How laughable.

I was still thinking this when I moved forwards again. But this time, when I walked, I ran directly into a hard wall.

No, wait? I had been to this store many times, and there wasn't anything blocking the entryway the other times. I stepped back, confused, to find my 'wall' staring back at me. Ah... Perhaps I should've read that story until the end.

The man in front of me had a good face. He certainly looked like he could be the menacing protagonist. But, how do I put this? Everything below the neck ruined the effect. 

He was wearing an astronaut's spacesuit, even with the helmet tucked in his arms, but he wore a black trenchcoat over that, making his form extra bulky. At the same time, strange rips were visible against it. Not a romance protagonist, then. Sci-fi? But the coat screamed chuunibyou characterization...

"Ah, sorry, I wasn't watching, excuse me..."

The man was still staring at me, and if anything his expression grew more annoyed. What did he want me to say? Should I chastise him for standing in the middle of the walkway?

Before I said anything, or even managed to go around him, a young girl peeked out from behind his back. She was dressed more normally, in casual clothes with a fuzzy jacket, but still stood out just by being around him. When she saw me, her first reaction was curiosity, but after a moment, her eyes widened in surprise and an unprecedented amount of delight.

"Oh, it's okay! I promise his bark is worse than his bite. Hey, you're from around here, yes? Do you have some money we can borrow?"

Huh?

The man turned to glare at the shameless girl instead. "We don't need money. Especially not from… them."

"Yes, yes. You're a big scary terrorist, you steal what you can't buy. Isn't that too much though? You're already beating poor authors senseless, how much crime do you need to commit before your dark heart is satisfied?"

I quickly turned on my heel and walked in the opposite direction.

"Hey, hey!" The girl's voice called out again, and I could hear her running to follow me. With a sigh, I paused and looked back at her. I didn't want someone like her friend chasing me, so it would be better to just hear her out.

"Ah, I'm sorry, you must think we're acting quite weird! But, really, we don't have any money. If you can, could you spare just a couple of dollars?"

"Mm, I don't know. If you're that desperate isn't it better to be more polite in asking? What happened, did you lose it all on a scam?" No, wait, what was I saying? I didn't want to deal with these guys longer than I had to. Just talking to them would make me stick out very badly.

Still, for some strange reason, I couldn't stop myself from taking on a familiar tone.

Her friend gave her a mean look, which she ignored, before glancing at me. After a second, he said, "We were mugged."

I blinked at him. "I see..." He gave a pained nod as if to really emphasize his plight, while the girl just smiled. When she noticed my gaze on her, her expression switched to that of grim sincerity.

I had to take a moment to step back and mentally collect myself. First off, how stupid did they think I was? Not only was their acting terrible, but who would honestly think a guy like this was attacked? And lost?

Still, there was a hint of realism in their performance. Definitely not mugged, but maybe they were actually broke?

I sighed to myself, folding my arms and looking up at the ceiling. Ah, what should I do? Most people would just ignore them, or perhaps the chosen few would spare them just enough won for a small meal.

I wasn't a kind person. No more than anyone else was, anyways. My philosophy was that it's best to go through life not making waves, and sometimes the politeness required to slip under the radar was misconstrued as kindness. Still, when the common consensus split so unevenly, that left one question: what would I, Y/N, do? After all, 'myself' was the only thing I could be.

I sighed again, much more exhausted this time. "Okay, let's go get dinner. Follow me."

The man's eyes shook slightly, reluctance evident in his expression. Still, when I started to walk out of the store, they followed after me. Damn, being followed by a guy in that outfit was truly humiliating...

The girl caught on much quicker, hurrying to match my pace. "Haha, isn't this sweet? Going out is much better than convenience store food. You're so nice... Mm, I don't think I caught your name?"

"Ah... Yes, my name is L/N Y/N."

"Y/N?" She echoed. My name sounded strange in her mouth for whatever reason. Maybe I just wasn't used to hearing people not from work use it. In fact, she had an odd look on her face, but it passed quickly. "I see. It's a good name!"

I smiled faintly, shrugging. "Thank you. Though, I guess you should be telling my parents that more than me."

"Aah, well, I'm Biyoo! And you can just call him the 'Supreme King.'"

I immediately shot back, "I am not calling him that," the same time our titular king went, "Do not call me that."

A moment of silence passed between us, as though he was seriously debating something. Finally, he spoke, seeming deeply annoyed. "Yoo Joonghyuk."

Was that his name, then? His manners were bad, but I let it slide for now. He would just have to thank me very sincerely for buying him food.

"Here, this place does cheap meal sets. Sorry, I know I offered, but it's nothing fancy..."

Biyoo seemingly paid this no mind, while Yoo Joonghyuk shot me an inscrutable look. Hey, at least I had some money. He was in no place to judge. Even if this would mean I'd be eating leftovers for the next couple of days.

The restaurant sat us down quickly. Biyoo and I pulled our chopsticks apart cheerfully. Yoo Joonghyuk kept his utensils untouched, however.

"What is it? I already apologized that it isn't too nice."

"I don't eat food made by others."

His voice was deadly serious. Who was this arrogant bastard? No, actually, both of them were rude. Why was I humoring them to this extent?

Finally, I shrugged. "Okay then, your choice. What's this I heard about you stealing from convenience stores? Perhaps I should go alert the workers there, I wouldn't want their jobs to be in danger just because some man decided thievery was better than perfectly good food, already paid for..."

He glared at me, but I ignored him, eating happily. Ah, the rice here was so fluffy, I never got it like this when I made it at home.

Biyoo laughed, which prompted me to look up. To my satisfaction, Yoo Joonghyuk had picked up the chopsticks and was gruffly taking his share.

"So, Y/N-ssi, tell us about yourself! I'd very much like to know about the person who's been so hospitable to us poor mugging victims."

"Well, firstly, you don't need to pretend to have been attacked to me. I already bought you food. I don't need your sob story."

"Aha, what gave it away?"

"Secondly, there's not much to say about me.. If anything, I'm more interested in your story."

"I'm sure that's not true! Let's see... What do you do for a job that lets you provide for two stragglers?"

She avoided my questioning easily. Was it okay to be giving out my information like this to two strangers? Perhaps they'd kill me after we finished eating.

"I work at an editing company. You’re just lucky I can stretch my budget these days, or we’d all be going hungry. It’s not exactly freelance? But the jobs are varied enough that it keeps me engaged."

"So, you read for a living?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked, looking unexpectedly interested.

"Er, I suppose that's one way to put it... It's a lot of typesetting and indexing meaningless writing. I do like reading fiction in my free time, though," I confirmed. "Not that I have a lot of that, of course..."

"Webnovels?"

I stopped short. "What was that?"

Yoo Joonghyuk asked again, in a patient tone, "Do you read webnovels?"

It felt like being caught reading said webnovels during work, even though my phone was firmly in my pocket, and this guy had definitely seen stranger things than a reader of webnovels. After all, they had to be read to be popular.

"Yes, a little bit... But they'd almost be harder to avoid these days."

Yoo Joonghyuk and Biyoo shared a meaningful look, though it appeared less like they were making fun of me, and more like they were commiserating on some unknown truth to my words.

"What's your favorite genre?"

"I don't know, maybe reincarnation? They can include both action and romance, so it can diversify. Isn't it a nice thought that after I die, I could come into a world where I could be even happier?"

"You shouldn't think like that," Yoo Joonghyuk said, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it's not as if it's ever going to come true."

He carried on like he didn't hear me. "While you shouldn't completely forsake your plan for the future, nor can you forget the past that shaped you, you have to live in the present. You must live to give yourself the best life possible now, with what you have, rather than thinking things would get better if you had the chance to repeat them."

I stared at him for a long moment, surprised, before I... I burst out laughing. His face darkened, but I couldn't control myself. Biyoo giggled a little with me, patting his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm not dismissing what you're saying. You're just so serious about it. You act like you've repeated your life many times." I grinned at him, rubbing tears out of my eyes. "I have no intention of dying anytime soon. It's just daydreams, anyways."

It was so odd being with the two of them, but I didn't hate it. Feeding them, telling them about my life, and Yoo Joonghyuk's heartfelt words. It made me feel as if we had known each other for a long time, even though it had been less than an hour.

We stayed like that for a while, talking and eating in a way that felt strangely comfortable. It had been a long time since I had last eaten with other people, especially with people so strange. I’d have to tell someone about this. But… who?

As we finished up, I thought about it. Without me asking, they offered to walk me home, and just for the fun of it, I decided I’d let them.

I’d tell my roommates, I realized. They’d berate me for having strangers come to our home, but then they’d laugh, and we’d keep a baseball bat by all of our beds. I’d tell my co-workers, who would make jokes about me treating them to dinner too. I’d tell my family, my mother fussing over whether I needed money and my sister calling me a liar for claiming Yoo Joonghyuk was dressed like an astronaut. There were plenty of people to tell, who’d want to hear about something so insignificant, who would just want to hear from me. How could I have forgotten?

When we arrived at my apartment building, we all hesitated for a long moment, none willing to be the first to say goodbye. Finally, I said, “You know, I should probably ask that you pay me back at some point.”

Biyoo smiled sadly. “Well, I doubt we’ll see each other again.”

“True. But just keep it in mind, okay?”

“Stingy,” Yoo Joonghyuk tsked and I shrugged good-naturedly.

“Thanks for walking me. I could’ve handled it on my own, but it was nice.” I worked my key out of my bag as I spoke, turning to the building. “I hope you two have a good night.” However, before I could even go inside, Biyoo reached out and clutched my sleeve desperately.

“Wait!” She burst. "Before you go, we... There's a story we want you to read! A webnovel, like the kind you enjoy. You definitely have to read it! Do you promise?"

I smiled at her earnestness. Wasn't she a bit cute? She almost reminded me of a puppy. "Alright, alright, I promise. What's the name?"

"That..." Biyoo pouted. "There isn't a name yet. It isn't released yet."

"Then how am I supposed to read it? Even when it gets published, I won't be able to find it."

"No, it's okay! I'm sure you'll find it once it starts getting released, and you'll definitely come to love that story. You made a promise to read it, so don't go back on that promise."

"Ahh, you expect so much from me. What do you want me to do, read every new webnovel until I somehow find the one you're talking about?" Despite my exaggerated words, she nodded, and all I could do was laugh. "Fine, fine! Is it a sad or happy story? I like most everything, but I should prepare myself if it's anything too sad."

Instead of her answering, Yoo Joonghyuk began, "L/N Y/N..." I glanced over at him, confused. His voice was full of inexplicable longing when he asked, "Are you happy?"

"Hah? What's that supposed to mean? If I say yes, are you going to tell me to get used to never being happy because of it?" It was a joke, but his expression was deadly serious. I gave a helpless laugh, but matched his sincerity when I told him, "I... Yeah, Yoo Joonghyuk. I'm happy. I wasn't for a long time, but I'm really happy right now."

He smiled. It was a smile that was forged from years of loneliness and hardship, but finding a way to live despite it all. I recognized it, because I saw the same exact smile in my mirror every day.

"It's a happy story."

"Then I promise I'll read it."

Biyoo gave me one last hug before she left. "We'll both do our best, alright? So, stay happy, for the rest of your life."

Those two were so strange. Still, I watched from in front of the building as they walked down the empty sidewalk, towards the setting sun, until they disappeared completely from view.

[cupidastrology]

Pluto ♇ in Aquarius transit through the 12 Houses 🪢📿

Please do not repost or copy.

Associate this post with where Pluto ♇ is moving in Aquarius ♒︎ through your birth chart.

Notes: The house it is transiting through is important to understand in order to know how this transit will affect you directly.

=================

1st house - appearance becomes a highlight to the mind, the way you perceive yourself in mind to your environment makes a grand change. you may want to focus more on the influence you have on your socials, or simply drop it all together.

2nd house - your emotions take on a new desire involving luxury and the state of how you feel about yourself in mind. your self esteem and the way you express yourself becomes a highlight, creating may become beneficial to input details into your new lifestyle.

3rd house - your thoughts start to gather themselves, but not without having to think closely about the associations you communicate with, and the resources you gain knowledge from. reading, writing, and getting into subjects of fact or fiction overtake you.

4th house - the home makes massive changes to how you have seen it in mind; a different course of change in how you see yourself with the subject of family may haunt you. it may be important to start envisioning the life you want outside of the home.

5th house - personal achievement and woes become a big deal in this area, focusing on what creates happiness or attracts creativity into your life will be constant. you may start reading, watching, or searching for new ways of mental stimulation involving the arts.

6th house - you may experience the ups and downs of potential; health or work events, which may require you to dedicate much more time to your mental state, what you choose to intake into your body, and how you choose to be influenced in everyday life. detachment from social media is highlighted here.

7th house - love is handled not only by manifestation but also by obsession. we see a great desire to engage with another, but the close associations you create will not be easy to break. very important deals and contracts to be signed, consideration is constantly recommended.

8th house - long distance connections are broken, or become closer than ever before. a focus on how you make money starts to grow, and new steps may be required in order for you to make even more than what youre comfortable with currently. a need to make or break in life will be important, mainly when it comes to releasing.

9th house - the way you see yourself in this world is heavily important, but to get out of your comfort zone will be next level. you may discover new forms of spiritual belief, break away from what you used to truly desire in mind, and seek out new ventures that many have surrounded their own opinions by. its time to stop caring about what others believe.

10th house - you may start to focus on what happens outside of the beliefs you have been trained to understand; birthing a new self along with a strong path in your life is beneficial here. to understand and research into the evolution or growth of social media may have an impact on you, wanting to make something universal from inside yourself.

11th house - connections and travel buddies become more prominent into your life, to get involved with others in ways where you feel that you're in one space with them is highlighted here. you may start to crave new associations and events to visit in your neighborhood or living location.

12th house - the importance to holding your own is a big deal with this transit; you will seek out ways of handling your own independence. looking into between the lines of what it means to stay involved with others, with a location, or with what has held you back in life may influence you to search for your own meaning in life. detaching completely from online media, and looking into old methods of living may be a curiousity

=================

[eijirousbestie]

YOUR ART MAJOR STORY WAS FIRE!! IM AN ART MAJOR AND WE HAD TO DO DETAILED PORTRAITS THIS MORNING AS AN ACTIVITY OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS YOUR STORY 😭😭😭😭 anyway i had the vision of Y/N doing a portrait of bakugou for her class ❤️❤️❤️❤️

AHH THANK YOU SM hearing someone thought abt my story in their day to day life is actually insane so thank you for reading!! Love to see a fellow art major around here🤝🏽I hope this story is to your liking i tried my best😭<33

“Can I draw you?”

this is kinda long (I got too into it lol)

pulling at the heartstrings a bit here

he’s a willing participant???

unorganized dishes

golden hour

* * *

Being an art student had its perks. For one thing you didn’t have “real” homework like other classes and you could spend majority of your time creating something new. In other cases, being an art student was dreadful, and today proved that to be true.

Walking into class and setting your bag down, you sit at your easel and scroll on your phone as your professor waits for other students to trickle in before he takes attendance. The sound of a chair scooting can be heard as your professor makes his presence known and calls role. He finishes and places his clipboard down, clapping his hands together with enthusiasm.

“Good morning guys! First things first, I just wanted to say you all did a great job at critique this past Tuesday. I was very impressed with the outcome of all your pieces. Now for those of you who have checked the class schedule, you’ll know we have our Portrait 1 assignment due at the end of next week. I’ll give further instructions and we’ll go ahead and get started on those today.” He grabs a stack of papers, assuming to be said detailed instructions for your next assignment. As soon as he hands you a copy, you skim through the premise of what you’re going to be doing.

Portrait 1 Assignment

1. Pick a subject you will be referencing to for your portrait. (No you cannot use a reference online. It has to be someone you can poke).

2. Arrange a time outside of class to meet with your subject to begin your sketch.

3. Pick a feature of your subject to enhance in your final drawing. You can add color, darken line weight or distort the feature you chose, but the rest of the portrait should be in the style of a sketch.

This drawing should be done on an 18x24 sheet of paper from your sketchbook and no smaller.

You internally cringe at the thought of having to snatch someone from campus to sit with you for hours just so you can draw them. You instantly begin to think of people you know who you can draw. You take your phone out and begin typing up a message to a friend of yours, asking when they’re free. Much to your dismay, they inform you that they have work directly after class all this week and won’t be able to help. You understand, but now you’ve got yourself stuck and you absolutely refuse to ask a stranger. For the remainder of the period, all you can do is mindlessly write a list of names and the pros and cons of their potential availability.

* * *

Sitting in the living room after getting back to the dorms, you rest after having no success trying to recruit anyone to be your reference. The dorms are practically empty as everyone is out doing something. Working, training, shopping. Everything you don’t do. Essentially losing hope for the day, you resort to lounging on the couch. Cozy pajamas nearly lulling you to sleep. However before you can slip into the best nap of your life, clanging from the kitchen startles you awake. Whispered curses soon follow, ultimately giving away who caused the noise. Getting up from your oh so comfy spot, you make your way to the kitchen to investigate. Peeking a head in the doorway, you see a rather frazzled Bakugou picking up pots and pans that had fallen to the floor.

Looking at his bent form, you speak up. “You aight?” He picks up the last pot and places it on the counter before responding, fully facing you.

“I’m good. My bad if I woke you.” You give a shrug and lean your hip on the doorframe, arms crossed over your chest.

“Nah you’re fine. Wasn’t fully knocked out anyway. What were you doing in here?”

“Reorganizing. For whatever reason, idiots around here can’t understand that stacking dishes causes shit to fall. Just proved my point too.” His eyes fall on the various pans on the counter he was in the process of arranging. You give a chuckle and move to help put them away.

“Say it louder for the people in the back.”

“Yeah well apparently they ‘don’t respond well to yelling.’ Whatever the fuck that means.” He nags as you both place each dish in their respective places.

“Gotta give em a glare or side eye to get the message across,” you joke.

“Shit only goes so far. But if looks could kill everybody here would be on their deathbed.”

“Jesus man, gruesome much?” You let out a heartier chuckle, actually entertained by his empty threats.

“S’called being self-aware.” He leans against the now empty counter and folds his arms across his chest. A silly thought crosses your mind. A glimpse of hope even. You decide to pursue it.

“Speaking of looks,” you start off tentatively, “I could really use yours if you’ll let me.”

He gives you a half-curious look, left eyebrow slightly raised as he side eyes you. “The hell’s that mean?”

You’re not sure whether it’s the desperation talking or the fact that you’re half asleep, but you immediately hit him with your dilemma.

“Well… can I draw you?” It seems like minutes that go by before he responds with a sharp click of his tongue.

“Lay off the drugs huh? Shit’s got you talkin outta your ass.”

“Bakugou please! I need a reference for an assignment and I’d really appreciate if you’d let me draw you. It won’t take long I swear I’m fast!” Your hands are clasped together as you ask for his cooperation.

“The hell’d you wanna draw me for? Plenty other people you could ask.”

You don’t have it in your heart to mention nobody else was available to help you. It’d be like blatantly telling him he was the last option and you don’t want to potentially upset him by saying that. It’s not necessarily true either, you just didn’t think he would be up for it in the first place so you didn’t want to bother him. He was your saving grace really, never the last option.

“Well you’ve got great eyes. And perfect eyebrows too. So it’s kinda hard not to want to draw you. But seriously, if you’ll let me, I’ll do my very best to capture the best parts of you. Please?” If you hadn’t known any better, you could’ve sworn you saw his hands clutch the counter in a death grip. He’s quiet for a moment. Two moments. Then he shakes his head in disbelief and his eyes sweep to look at anything else but you.

“Fine. Just don’t make me look like shit got me?” A light look of embarrassment covers his face. It’s endearing.

“I promise.” You smile a wide grin, relief relaxing your shoulders. “You mind if we get started tonight? I’m kinda behind as it is.”

He gives a nod and a hum in response. You tell him to stay put as you grab your sketchbook. He takes a seat on the couch and watches the slow sunset. It’s golden hour and the living room is filled with warm oranges and yellows as the sun is close to calling it a day. You come back, supplies in hand and before you can put your things down, you catch Bakugou as he gazes out of the window, the setting sun casting onto his face. With his hand propped under his chin, he looks ethereal. His red eyes now a vermilion as the rays reflect on them. It highlights his jawline, casting shadows that make the edges prominent. His hair aglow in the light, tufts of blonde now appearing marigold. You don’t realize how silly you must look staring at him until his eyes flicker to your frozen form. His gravelly voice pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Got your stuff?” He doesn’t move from his spot as he asks. You gather your bearings and nod.

“Yeah uh I got everything I need. We can start now if you’re ready?” You walk over to the couch where he sits, setting up your easel right in front of him.

“Mmh go ahead. Is there a certain way you wanna do this or?”

“No no what you’re doing now is fine. It’s actually better if you’re comfortable. We might be here a while, but let me know when you need a break.” He gives a nod of approval and you’re off, hands sketching and eyes darting back and forth between easel and subject. Soft scratching noises from graphite on paper filled the silence. By this point you were detailing the features of his hand holding up his face. Neat nail beds and cleanly trimmed. Bruised and scarred knuckles from countless hours of training. A strong neck that connected to an even stronger jaw, probably chiseled by the gods themselves.

You’d be lying to yourself if you thought drawing him would be a chore. It was actually enjoyable. There was no need for trivial conversation. Just you sitting there, drawing him as he let you. Him trusting you to capture his very being with only a pencil. It was a beautiful experience and you couldn’t be more grateful that you both were a part of it.

[fanficshiddles]

Eternally Mine, Chapter 32

Loki was concerned as to why Toshi was at his place. He stepped aside to let her in, she did seem a little troubled. Though she wasn’t panicked, so he tried not to panic.

‘What’s wrong?’ He asked with a frown as he motioned to the living room, they headed through and Spencer looked confused.

‘Before I go into anything, Claire and Jessica are fine.’ Toshi said firstly.

Though Loki looked alarmed and Spencer shot up to his feet. ‘What? What happened?’ He asked.

‘I said, they’re fine.’ Toshi said again, calmly. ‘I was out in the city earlier, tracking down some hunters and keeping an eye. I came across one that was spying on them from a building near the venue. I attacked him and tried to get information out of him, but he wouldn’t tell me anything. Kept calling me all the names under the sun for betraying fellow hunters.’ Toshi scoffed.

Loki and Spencer sat down, eyes wide at the thought of their girls being hunted.

‘Do you know they were definitely the targets? What did you do to him?’ Loki asked.

‘I killed him, so don’t worry about him trying again. I think it’s a very high chance that it was Claire and Jessica he was after, considering they were directly in his line of sight and I didn’t recognise any other vampires in the queue.’ Toshi said as she sat down next to Bat on the other sofa.

‘Fuck. I need to get to Claire!’ Loki stood up abruptly and was about to leave, but Toshi quickly stopped him.

‘It’s ok. Chris is watching over them as a bat, they’re likely at the after party now. I called him once I killed the hunter, since I couldn’t exactly get into the venue to watch over them myself. I couldn’t put poor Severus through the torture of ABBA music, as he gets that enough as it is. Plus, I knew you two had been drinking.’

Loki hesitantly sat down again and ran a hand down his face. ‘Shit… Do you think the hunters were mainly after Jessica, or Claire, too?’

‘I’m not sure. That one that threatened you about partners has been niggling at me.’ Toshi said.

‘We don’t know for sure though, maybe they were just after Jessica mainly.’ Spencer suggested, trying to make Loki feel a bit better, though it didn’t really work.

‘We need to get the training started for Claire and Louise asap, huh?’ Loki asked Toshi.

She nodded. ‘Definitely. How about Monday, at my place?’

‘Why not Saturday?’ Loki asked.

‘Do you really think Chris will let Louise do it the day after her first bite?’ Toshi asked knowingly.

‘Ah, yeah. I forgot about that. Maybe Monday would be best. It is a bank holiday, I guess.’

‘That’s why I suggested it.’ Toshi smirked.

‘Do you want a drink?’ Loki offered.

‘As long as I’m not crashing your bloke’s night?’ Toshi asked.

‘Nah it’s all good.’ Loki chuckled. ‘We need to confirm with Chris anyway about Monday, guessing he will come back with them when they’re all danced out.’

‘I think so.’ Toshi nodded.

Loki disappeared to the kitchen to get Toshi a drink.

‘Do you really think the hunters are after Claire as well?’ Spencer asked quietly.

Toshi nodded. ‘After one of them commenting about going after the vampire’s partners to Loki at the ball, now this, I’m sure of it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence the hunter was there. How they knew that they’d be there though, that’s what I need to find out.’

‘It is worrying.’ Spencer nodded in agreement.

Loki returned with a drink for Toshi. They talked a bit more about the hunters and upping security again, keeping an eye on the city as much as they could.

It wasn’t that long after Toshi had arrived that they heard a commotion from outside the door. Lots of giggling, clumsy banging, and the door-handle rattling a bit.

‘That’s them back then…’ Spencer chuckled.

Loki went to open the door, smirking in amusement. Claire was looking through her handbag, but her face lit up when she saw Loki.

‘Vampyyyyy! I can’t find my keys.’ She yelled and fell forwards to him, he caught her in his arms.

‘You forgot to take your keys, that’s why. Besides, the door wasn’t even locked, love.’ He laughed.

They then heard the sound of wings fluttering, followed by an exasperated sigh. Jessica spun around, albeit a very delayed reaction and put her arms up as if she was about to do kung foo. Though when she saw it was just Chris, she relaxed.

‘Oh, it’s you.’

‘I need to burn my eyes out and my ears.’ He sighed.

‘Not enjoy the show, huh?’ Toshi asked from behind Loki with a smirk.

Chris narrowed his eyes at Toshi and mouthed ‘You’re so dead for this.’

‘Wait whaaaat? Chris was at the show?’ Claire asked, trying to catch up with the conversation.

Loki chuckled and pulled Claire inside. ‘Come on in all. We will explain.’

Loki fetched a big glass of water for Claire, then pulled her down next to him as he sat down. Jessica had already draped herself all over Spencer and plopped onto his lap.

Toshi and Chris sat down on the other sofa. Chris sank back with a groan. ‘Hopefully Severus turns you soon, so you can do your own bat spying next time.’ He muttered to Toshi.

‘I thought it would do you good to get some proper music culture.’ Toshi smirked.

Chris elbowed her in response.

‘What’s the goings on?’ Jessica asked as she looked between everyone.

‘A hunter was after you, stalked you to the club and was waiting for the show to finish.’ Chris started.

Claire sobered up rather quickly at that. She straightened up and looked at Loki, eyes wide.

‘He was after Jessica… I took him out before he had a chance to do anything.’ Toshi interjected quickly and gave Chris a side glare.

‘Chris then kept an eye on you both for safety.’ Loki said softly as he squeezed Claire’s side.

‘You were watching us?’ Jessica asked Chris.

Chris nodded. ‘You are both awful dancers, by the way. Never give up your day job.’ He teased.

Loki and Spencer chuckled, earning glares from their respective girls.

‘Ah you’re just jealous that you can’t dance like that to your kind of music.’ Claire scoffed, then nuzzled in closer to Loki, her head against his chest.

‘So, was it just the one hunter?’ Jessica asked.

‘Yeah, there was no sign of another.’ Toshi confirmed.

‘We’re going to need to be extra cautious just now.’ Spencer said, and Jessica nodded in agreement.

‘We’ve decided that you and Louise need to start training ASAP. Just to be on the safe side. So, the first session is going to be Monday, since it’s a holiday.’ Loki told Claire as he tilted his head to look at her and gave her arm a gentle squeeze.

Though he was met with silence, her face was against him so he couldn’t see if she was awake or not. With the way her breathing was deeper, he could tell she had passed out.

‘Geez, how much did you guys drink?’ Spencer asked, laughing.

‘Uh… I lost count after the fourth pitcher.’ Jessica hummed and tapped her lower lip.

‘I saw an unholy amount of shots crossing the bar, too.’ Chris commented.

Loki face-palmed. ‘I get the feeling Claire is going to be pulling a sicky tomorrow.’

Chris, Toshi, Spencer and Jessica didn’t stay for much longer, since Loki wanted to get Claire to bed. Spencer and Jessica flew home, even if Jessica’s flying ability was slightly off, she managed ok with Spencer guiding her.

Toshi started walking home and Chris walked with her for a bit.

‘You know you don’t need to walk me home, I’m quite capable of protecting myself.’ Toshi smirked at him.

‘Oh I know you are, but who says it’s you I’m protecting, hmm? Maybe I’m making sure you don’t go chasing after any innocent hunters.’ He smirked back at her.

Toshi rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. ‘Innocent hunters... Is there such a thing?’

Chris chuckled. ‘I don’t think so. Though I know you once thought there was no such thing as innocent vampires. There must be hunters out there that are only after the bad ones, surely?’

Toshi sighed. ‘There used to be. Now though, I think they’re all just after every and any vampire they can get... I don’t think Claire and Louise should find out that they’re potentially targets too.’

‘I guess not. I suppose it would just worry them unnecessarily.’ Chris nodded.

‘Do you want me to watch over the school this week, just in-case?’ Toshi asked as they reached the suburbs of the city.

‘If you have time and don’t mind, it might not be a bad idea.’ Chris nodded. ‘I’ve got a lot of paper work to do over the next couple of days, so knowing you’re watching over the place would help me focus.’

‘No problem.’ Toshi nodded. ‘You can head home now.’

‘You sure? You are only human, after all.’

‘You just asked me to watch over the school, do you think I won’t manage to get home safely?’ Toshi folded her arms over her chest and grinned at him.

Chris scowled at her and huffed. ‘See you tomorrow.’ He mumbled and turned on his heels to head away.

‘Thanks for escorting me, hound dog!’ Toshi called after him. He responded by giving her the middle finger over his shoulder.

Toshi continued her way home down the country roads, she didn’t fail to notice and hear that a bat was following her from in the sky above.

‘Definitely turning soft.’ She said to herself as she turned up her path, noticing the bat flew off once she was home.

'I'm hooooome!' Toshi called out as soon as she stepped inside.

'Hello, love.' Severus purred from behind her, he'd been waiting behind the door.

'Did you hear me coming?' Toshi giggled as he embraced her once she had her coat off.

'Yes. Who escorted you home? I heard wings.' He asked, tucking her under his chin.

'Chris did. I think he's getting softer in his old age.' Toshi teased.

'Good.' Severus chuckled.

'Good? I can take care of myself walking home.' She frowned and looked up at her soulmate.

'Oh I know you are more than capable, but it makes me feel better knowing others are looking out for you. Especially Chris, with him being an original.'

'I guess so. Well, if it makes you feel better, then that's fine with me.' She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, he dipped his head down and they kissed softly.

[vangbelsing]

Lucanis X Qunari!Rook drabble

Short(ish) little blurb based on this stupid prompt from last night. It's been?? I think an actual decade since I've written anything and I rushed through this in about 2-3 hours after sipping a little bit of the mead I was gifted, so I know the quality is definitely not gonna be great hhgdssfjjjf 😭 I'm soooo sorry in advance for this purely self indulgent piece 🙏

Pairing: Lucanis X Qunari Rook, nonbinary Rook, implied AFAB, SFW but is slightly suggestive

Characters: Lucanis, Emmrich, Rook

The battle hadn't been long, but it certainly felt like a fortnight in the moment, if only because of how off guard they had been caught. One moment, he could hear Emmrich listing the many aspects of death that had caused this place to become such a hotspot for spirits, (he could feel the truth of Emmrichs ramblings in that familiar, unwelcome itching behind his eye) the next, without barely even a sound - as if to drive the point home - undead sprang from all corners imaginable; the air filled with the scent of decay and regret before they could even see the corpses.

It took only the first heartbeat that deaths stink assaulted his nostrils for his hand to shoot toward his blade, quickly barking to his companions that combat was imminent. They wasted no time. Rook swiftly fell to the back of the formation as Lucanis and Emmrich took their places nearest to the undead. Though he wasn't trained for defensive combat or for taking on the bulk of enemy lines like a warrior, he was currently the most martially adept of the group, and so he assumed the role of protecting the mages from any stragglers.

One by one, the shamblers fell, the sickening crunch of steel meeting already decayed meat and bone filling the Crows ears. He'd heard it numerous times before, but it never seemed to be any less foul. Seconds passed, then minutes, as each of them continued on through the sounds of groans and barks at each movement made, the crackling of raw fade being cast at the uncannily lively dead, and the final wails of their foes signaling yet another was slain.

"Only three left." He had thought to himself, quickly accounting for each way he might approach dealing with his opponents.

It barely took a moment for him to close the distance between them as he lunged towards one in a solid, fluid motion. He took the thing first by its arm, twisting it harshly enough to hear bone crack before he spun the creature to face the opposite direction. He then pressed his foot its spine before kicking it forward into the other undeads oncoming attack. It let out a ghastly moan as the blade went directly through its midsection, the monster now going limp. While the other creature worked to remove the corpse from its weapon, Lucanis took the chance to exploit its current state of weakness to relocate to its blind spot. Before it could even react, the Crow had removed its head from its shoulders, watching with only slight satisfaction as it rolled on the ground.

"Down to the last." He noted internally, glancing left and right as he scanned for the remaining undead.

"Lucanis!" He'd heard Rook shout suddenly, their voice panicked, strained and utterly laced with fear.

"Ah. Behind, then." Without so much as casting a glance, he had turned in a blindingly swift motion with such force that his blade immediately found its mark, cutting through a sinewy throat with a dry, unnatural sound.

It fell to the ground with a rotten thud as Lucanis sheathed his weapon. That was all of them. Truly, it wasn't even close to one of his more dangerous encounters, but he would be the first to admit that he certainly hated most battlefield surprises.

"An impressive display, Lucanis," The older mage chimed in suddenly, his breathing only slightly laboured, "you did well in seeing to mine and Rooks safety. Perhaps we ought to consider a change to that sobriquet of yours, hm?"

Lucanis exhaled deeply through his nostrils - the sound dangerously close to a laugh - as he turned to face Emmrich, the ghost of a grin dancing at the edge of his mouth. Before he could even respond, however, a familiar voice pierced his ears in a frantic, breathless tone.

"Lucanis!"

Recognizing that voice as Rooks, he turned to face them, his brow lifting in confusion at the sudden crying of his name. But no sooner than he had opened his mouth to speak did he feel their arms wrap around him; the sensation of their warm body pressing quickly against his, causing a flush to spread up his neck as one hand cradled his head in place against them while the other gripped almost desperately at his back. It would have been enough to give him pause to be embraced in any situation. He was unused to such contact, and certainly so unexpectedly. However, it was the instant realization that his head had been buried in their chest that caused him the most distress.

"Lucanis, don't scare me like that! Do you know how worried I was when you charged off like that? You could have been hurt!" Rook cried out frenetically, the worry in their voice practically seeping out physically from every word spoken.

Perhaps he might have reassured them, or reprimanded them, or anything at all, if he could will himself to focus on something other than the way their voice seemed to vibrate in their chest and against his face, the feeling very near to pleasant. He cursed himself at the way his mind was becoming less and less capable of proper thought as their skin seemed to sear his own; their soft, tender flesh pressing ever so delightfully to his motionless body.

He felt his throat tighten the more aware he became of just how close they were. He could feel their heart pounding; hear it thrumming madly in their ribs. He could feel the tremors climbing up throughout their entire body in their state of near delirium as they kept him flush against their person, their legs practically locking with his. He could only imagine his heart had started beating exponentially quicker as well, though for reasons quite far removed from the qunari that was holding him in a firm yet gentle grip.

"Honestly! Do you need to be so reckless? I can only heal so much! What would have happened if that thing had been faster?" They very nearly started sobbing as their hold on him tightened.

Lucanis gritted his teeth at the increased contact of their breasts against his face. He knew if Rook was paying even the slightest attention that they would feel the way his skin was burning at their touch; how his ribs felt as if they might burst open under the force of his racing heart beat and the pressure of his caged torso brought flush to theirs. They might even have heard it as much as felt it.

"Now now, dear. You'll suffocate the poor boy. Then he won't need to worry about undead anymore, will he?" Emmrich finally seemed to speak up after what seemed like an eternity.

Rook cast a quick glance towards the elder mage, momentarily caught off guard before suddenly seeming to understand. With a gasp, they released Lucanis with a swift and ginger motion, now using their free hands to cover their mouth in what could be interpreted as concern or embarrassment. Or both.

"Lucanis, I-I'm so sorry! I hadn't meant-"

"I-it's fine." He cut them off abruptly, turning away from them as he rubbed at his increasingly sore neck. He hoped they wouldn't notice the blush that travelled from his neck, to his face, to the very tips of his ears.

They took a small step towards him, the expression they wore looking almost guilty. "Really, I am sorry. I just... I was so worried when you rushed off like that, I really just-"

"It's nothing, let's just keep going." He interrupted again, attempting to keep his face from view. He was ready to be anywhere that wasn't under Rooks doe-eyed gaze... Or scrutiny.

"Rook?" Emmrich chimed in once again, "Perhaps you might make sure our fetid guests are as dead as they appear?" He suggested gently to the obviously shaken qunari before throwing Lucanis a very quick look.

"I..." They seemed to hesitate, their eyes darting from the assassin, to the corpses, then to Emmrich.

The necromancer gave a reassuring smile. "I believe he'll manage just fine, dear."

Another few moments passed in silence before Rook nodded in acknowledgement, taking out a small dagger as they made their way to the corpses and leaving the two men to themselves. Lucanis breathed a small sigh, his shoulders slouching slightly as if some weight had been lifted from him. When he heard a faint chuckle fall from the necromancers lips, he whipped his head to the direction of the elder man that seemed more amused than Lucanis thought he had a right to be.

"What." He grumbled. The word was spoken less like a question and more like an accusation.

"I might have confused you for a beet if not for the leather." Emmrich said in a somewhat hushed tone, not even attempting to hide the humor he found in all this.

Lucanis frowned and tugged at his shirt collar, his eyes narrowing only slightly. "A lack of oxygen, nothing more."

Emmrichs grin widened at that, the man turning on his heel as he started a steady stride forward. "Why, my good assassin, I would never think to imply otherwise!"

And with that, he made his way. The Crow stood there for a moment, catching his breath. Both figuratively and literally. He had lived through training that others had been known to break from. His life had been in more danger than he would even care to count. But in all of his life, he could never recall a time where he had been so utterly... Coddled. It was foreign. Unnecessary.

Rook fawned and worried after him far too much, and certainly far more than was warranted. Yet, he could not shake that tightening in his chest when they called out his name when worried. How their hands felt on his skin when they mended the cuts and bruises on his own. They their eyes seem to soften as they looked over his every wound, treating them with the utmost tenderness and care; treating him that way.

It was unnecessary, yes... But it was not wholly unpleasant. He could admit that his heart would skip a beat when they laid their hand on his back to soothe the salves into his flesh. How his breath would hitch if their hand brushed his at the table. How they would dawn that sweet, sweet smile as they apologized if they had made him uncomfortable.

How could they? The very thought was enough to illicit a scoff. No one had ever been so outwardly concerned or so patient. For him. No, they could never make him uncomfortable. Uncertain? Possibly. Embarrassed? Certainly. But never comfortable. Not when they were the only one who knew how to bring him comfort.

But he needed to focus. There was still a job left to be done, and he was never one to leave a job left unfinished. And all that besides, he would still need to calm himself down once they returned to base... Maybe with a cold bath.

And still, even as they pressed on, he doubted he would find himself able to think of much else for some time yet.

[thesith]

— Chapter One: Unorthodox

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The Force ached with emptiness around you. You were taught to not form attachments and that they lead you to the dark side, but how could you not when you’re living with someone, meditating with them for hours on end, going to war with them by your side?

Losing her was like drowning - one minute you were breathing in the air around you, feeling the sun shining on your skin, the next you were pulled by an unyielding force into water and dragged beneath the surface, any remnants of the sun fading from view, the ocean nulling your senses.

The return to Coruscant was painful - you were leaving behind the closest thing you had to a parent on some backwater planet, teeming with Separatists and their army of droids. As the planet faded from view, you couldn’t help but breathe in the water that surrounded you- the first painful inhale of many.

Upon arrival, you were ushered from the landing pad into the temple toward the High Council room - a multitude of Jedi Masters and holos of those away greeted you, all holding the same look of despair.

“Padawan, we are sorry for your loss,” a holo of Ki-Adi Mundi began, “We understand losing your master is difficult. Counselling services will be offered by temple healers to assist in the healing process.”

Master Kenobi glanced at Master Mundi’s holo before turning to you, “Master Umbari was a dear friend and valiant warrior. Her efforts will not be in vain, nor will yours.”

“What happens now? Where do we go from here?” As a senior Padawan, you were sure they’d let you take the trials - a look from Master Windu was all it took to tell you that was not the plan.

“As we find a new Master to finish your training, you’ll be assigned to one of our clone units.”

A look of confusion crossed over your face, a clone unit?

“This unit is a special case, as are you,” Master Fisto started, looking between you and Master Yoda, “You are being assigned to Clone Force 99 - a four man squad with desirable enhancements.”

“Isn’t this unorthodox?” You questioned, looking around the room for an answer.

“Losing a master at this stage in a Padawan’s training is not common and usually we’d be able to find a master within days of passing, but circumstances are not the same as they were years ago. We’re fighting a war, Padawan. Jedi are scattered across the galaxy, and we need all capable hands on the front lines.”

The next few days were agonizingly slow. Sleeping in your quarters without your Master a room over, counselling sessions with healers, individual training - repetitive days, lonely nights.

When Master Yoda summoned you, you didn’t know what to expect. It wasn’t common to be summoned directly by the Grand Master, but you started to understand nothing was mundane in your life.

“Troubled, you are.” The green man greeted you, leaning on his walking stick, “Wondering why you are not to take the trials?” He motioned to a seat across from his own, which you gladly sat in.

“Yes, Master.”

“Think you are ready, we do not. Proven yourself to have much potential, you have, but finished your training, you have not.”

Later that day, you were escorted to an odd-looking ship with four men standing in front of it. A tall and skinny one with a toothpick in his mouth, one with the worst posture you’d ever seen holding a datapad, a larger one with a lot of muscle, and one with long hair and a bandana on his forehead.

“You our Jedi?” The one with the red bandana asked, eyeing your frame.

A scoff came from the man with a toothpick, “Of course they are, Hunter. Why else would they be standing here wearing that?” He pointed at your outfit with his toothpick - how odd.

You looked down at your robes before catching his scowling eyes.

“That is the customary garb of the Jedi, whose origins are dated to be from millennia ago.” The hunched figure addressed your outfit and returned to his datapad, not once meeting your eyes.

“Don’t’cha ever trip on those? They look flowy… and long. Dangerous if ya’ ask me.”

The leader placed a hand to his forehead and rubbed his temples, “Sorry ‘bout them. We don’t usually work with Jedi.” He looked up at you, “I’m Hunter. They’re Crosshair, Tech, and Wrecker.” He motioned to each member as he spoke their respective names.

“Clone Force 99, then?” You’d heard rumors of Clone Trooper 99’s heroic deeds from your old unit, “I like the 99. Nice touch.”

That earned you smiles from your new squadmates, which you took as a sign of appreciation. You introduced yourself before heading into your new ship, which was a big change from the Venator class you were used to. Oh, how you’d miss the Valiance.

“How’d you get stuck with us anyway? You piss someone off?” The one known as Crosshair asked with his arms crossed, toothpick sweeping in his mouth.

Your eyes quickly made their way to his tall stature, unknowingly narrowing in the process. “I don’t see how it’s any of your business.”

“Aw, sensitive subject?” He teased, “It is my business - you’re living on my ship with my squad.” He pushed, obviously wanting some sort of reaction - you refused to give him the satisfaction.

While crafting a retort, Hunter stepped in.

“Cut it out, Crosshair.” He used his authoritative tone to call his brother off, apologizing to you once the taller clone exited the room. “He has a thing for getting a rise out of people - don’t take it personally.”

“Note taken. Thanks for the warning.”

Hunter left for you to settle yourself into your new bunk, located right above Wrecker’s. It took you one night to notice why nobody’d taken residence above him before - his snoring was louder than a fully-grown rancor.

After finally getting to sleep by tuning out the snores and fixating on the calming lull of the ship’s engine, you were woken up by Hunter.

“Hey, it’s our shift.” He whispered to you, shaking your arm lightly.

It took everything in you to not shove his hand from your bicep and go back to sleep. Instead, you made your way down from your bunk, losing your footing on the landing. Hunter quickly placed a hand on your back and grabbed your shoulder to stabilize your body.

Once two feet were on the ground, you whispered a “thanks” and made your way to the cockpit, bidding a goodnight to an exhausted Tech. You took a seat in the co-pilot’s chair, leaving Hunter to sit next to you.

It felt like ages with no conversation before you spoke, breaking the silence. “Do you think it’s normal for Padawans to be sent with a special-ops squad? Jedi aren’t really known for going on covert missions - the lightsaber is kind’ve a dead giveaway.”

Hunter seemed surprised at your conversation starter and thought about your question, “I wouldn’t say abnormal, but unusual circumstances call for unusual resolutions.”

“Do you think it’s a bad thing?” You asked before quickly correcting yourself, “not that you guys are bad or anything!” You waved your hands, not wanting him to get the wrong impression. “Do you think it’s bad that I needed such a resolution? The Jedi don’t go off-book and this is everything but textbook.”

“No, I don’t think it’s bad. It’s just… different. Think of it as being sent on a mission - your mission for the time being is with us.”

The remainder of your shift the two of you engaged in small-talk - speculating about missions you’d be sent on along with their squad’s unorthodox techniques.

”The Council mentioned that your squad has enhancements - what exactly did they mean?” You asked, not understanding what makes them different from other clones (except for the obvious differences in appearance.)

“Crosshair has better-than perfect eyesight - he’s an incredible sniper. Can hit a target from 10 klicks away, if not further.” Hunter went on and explained the enhancements of his two other brothers as you intently listened.

“If Crosshair has good sight, Tech’s intelligent, and Wrecker is strong, what’s your enhancement?” You asked, realizing the Sergeant didn’t speak on his own abilities.

“I have enhanced senses.”

You deadpanned at his bare face, “That’s it? You explained the roles of the three others, but what about your own?”

“I can feel electromagnetic frequencies - Tech likes to say I’m more accurate than a map.” Hunter laughed to himself, “I’m like a tracker, hence my name.”

“I see. I thought you were going to say that patience is your enhancement - your crew seems… interesting.”

“Our crew.” He corrected you, “Any chance they told you what your rank is with us? In the GAR you’re a Commander, but we don’t really… adhere to the norms of other squads.”

You took a moment to think, “I’m actually not sure, but I know from our few conversations that I wouldn’t mind following you into battle. Even if I do technically outrank you.”

“And that makes you different from other Jedi. Most would be offended at being seemingly demoted, even more so by following a clone’s orders.” Hunter moved his gaze from your face to the stars you were passing by, taking in the view.

“This never gets old.”

Hunter looked toward the sleeping Omega before returning to the cockpit, settling in his seat next to Tech.

“What fantastical story are you feeding the child?” Tech asked, facing his newly-returned brother.

“The story of the Commander.”

[winter-spark]

Do you guys ever think about the amount of pressure and how draining it must be to have been Orange growing up?

No no like seriously think about it, think about it.

When everyone found out that Citron would be next in line for the throne, Orange was dragged into the spotlight with him. It had to have been from the jump that people who didn't want Citron, the son of a commoner, as King latched onto Orange.

"Orange would be a better fit." "Orange should be king." "Why the son of a commoner when the next son isn't one?"

Like Orange probably heard stuff like that all throughout his life, that's a lot. To immediately be put in a box as a better fit for ruler, and you know it was a lot of pressure because he then dedicated his life to proving that point. He had to be better than his hard-working, calculative, already training/set-to-be-the-King older brother, when from the get-go people preferred him.

Sure Citron worked to win over the public's opinion but don't you think that hurt more? So many thought you'd be a better fit and now they're saying your brother is a good fit, that they're happy and satisfied with that? What? Was your hard work not good enough? Were you somehow worse than him? Did you dissatisfy the people?

Orange grew up feeling in constant comparison to Citron. Feeling in the eye of the people. Knowing that if anything happened to lead to Citron not being King, he was next up. And even with the number of people who liked Citron, there were still people who thought Orange should be King instead, including extremists, one of which worked for Orange directly for who knows how long. He couldn't relax, he couldn't quit, he didn't have the room to.

They tell us that Citron couldn't get along with his brothers because the competition for the crown but we don't get to see it from Orange and Navel's perspective much. We know they were curious enough about Citron that they'd copy some things he did, such as reading one of his favorite books. But let's not forget they had a negative takeaway from that book, they didn't get it. Their world, though similar to Citron's, has colored their lenses darker than his, to where they couldn't see the positive over the parts that didn't make sense to them, over the negative. Also, they see Citron as lucky, that he was born under a lucky star. While Citron was the one to say they then must've been born under unlucky stars, they already were somewhat thinking that to point out how lucky Citron is. After all, they had to have been comparing his luck to something to conclude he was lucky.

Being Orange was being bitter and cold and working hard to accomplish a goal. A goal many thought you were suited for, to the point that you believed it yourself, that you had to prove it to your father-- to everyone, that you had to be ready if it ever came to pass. And that's what he did.

He worked hard, and plotted, and schemed, and grew so desperate. And it wasn't even because he hated Citron. Because he doesn't hate Citron. Orange resents Citron, he thinks it should've been him instead, he thinks he needs to prove himself better than Citron, he thinks Citron is in his way. But he doesn't hate him. If he hated him he wouldn't read his favorite book to try and get that bit of understanding. If he hated him he wouldn't care if Citron died, so long as he got the throne. But he did read that book, and he did care that Citron lived, making it clear that he thought just kidnapping him was suffice. So yea, Orange didn't do all of that out of hatred for Citron, but moreso out of (self)obligation, expectation and determination.

It was hard in his earliest years for him not to desire the crown, the comments against Citron likely initially felt somewhat as a compliment. So of course, it became something more something he just had to make tangible. People believed he could, he believed he could, he just had to get there. He'd been convinced from a young age that this was what he wanted. And maybe he really did. But it wasn't easy and all his hard work never seemed to come to fruition.

He worked hard and people grew to like Citron as next in line. He studies to be prince, was days away from his coronation, and Citron shows up for the crown. Orange kidnaps his brother, (says no on the killing of him) to try a last ditch effort of getting the crown because if Citron was coronated he wouldn't get any other chances. But the one person who was supposed to be on his side and listen to him directly, didn't and everything went up in flames, which he didn't want, and he's been stripped of the chances to become king(because he did set up basically an attempted hit on his brother). And his reputation was completely tarnished, being blamed for things he didn't do, such as breaking the translation device.

Of course, Orange's actions are his own and of course he has to make up for the harm he's caused and of course people's view of him was gonna change. But gosh it's so exhausting being Orange, working your whole life for the affection, respect and approval of the people, of your father, and for it all to turn to dust. All that hard work down the drain.

You think he ever wished he was Tangerine? Blissfully out of the race for Crown, able to have time without people looking closely at your actions in comparison to Citron's, able to breathe?

[rapturesbest]

Fort Frolic is becoming more and more popular the longer the games are out, much to my thill, as this means people are looking more and more into the muses, the Disciples, the quartet. Which is delightful. I have seen a lot of posts ranging from early 2015 blogs and art pieces as well as forums to modern, recent takes and character dives.

Of course, fandom is a space in which to explore and grow our own thoughts and theories. Some of the posts I have seen are certainly… choices. I have been putting off a brief character study of the muses until my wife and I have finished editing and splicing together our complete comprehensive history of the Disciples.

I have been working on breathing life into these characters for years now. Pulling from every media as well as looking into any rabbithole I could.

The reason behind this post is not to claim others work and ideas as incorrect but instead is to bring my findings to light. Share with you what is one of my two life’s works.

A brief character study of Kyle Fitzpatrick

Oh where to begin with my beloved boy. His canon appearances are so short lived. With three canonical lines I all but built him from the ground up. He is mentioned during DLC Burial at Sea 1 with no voice lines BUT that does give us where he was on New Years Eve, which I will talk about later in this post. He is not mentioned at all in Rapture by John Shirley. But this doesn’t mean that we don’t have clues and context for him as a character.

Let’s start with his name, Kyle Fitzpatrick.

Kyle is a Scottish-Gaelic name and FItzpatrick is an Irish surname. Coincidence right? No. Based purely on his name we can place his origin in either Ireland or Scotland, which comes into play when we dive further into his place within Rapture’s society.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Oh but he doesn’t have an accent! In his voice lines he doesn’t have an accent.” and you’re right. He doesn’t. Let’s talk about that.

Kyle was employed by Sander Cohen, we know that as a hard fact. We also know as a hard fact that Sander Cohen was heavily on the side of Andrew Ryan when it came to the Ryan vs Fontaine bias. After the Death of Frank Fontaine who rose up in his place to challenge Andrew Ryan? Atlas. Atlas is a working class Irishman. Now, don’t you think it’s rather unseemly to have someone who is in the inner circle of Ryan supporters having a similar accent to his biggest adversary?

Of course, the scottish-gaelic accent is actually quite different from Fontaine’s accent as Atlas, but we also know for a Hard Fact that there is still racism within Rapture. Therefore by piecing together the racism as well as Cohen’s connection to Ryan we can deduce that Fitzpatrick was trained to cover his natural accent to keep up appearances within Fort Frolic and Rapture as a whole.

Next, Let’s talk about his age. We know Cohen referred to him as “Young Fitzpatrick.” I have seen a million and a half headcanons and ideas on how young “young” is. For this I’m pulling from the book, Rapture, with Martin’s POV. While the Rapture book is not considered Canon, it played a very important part in my construction of Kyle. We know from that that Cohen and by proxy, his disciples, are not only privy but are actively involved in a lot of skeezy, under the table, unorthodox practices and circles. Why does this matter? Because it feeds directly into Kyle Fitzpatrick’s age. In my construction of Kyle I placed him very firmly at the age of 21 when he died. So young right? Yeah I agree, but I have several reasons behind this. The first being that I do not believe that his prefrontal cortex is completely matured; I will touch back on this later. It’s not unknown that I am an avid fan of BaS and I really liked Elizabeth’s line of “This city values children. Not childhood.”

Kyle is the youngest of the muses. Being 17 at the time of Cohen scouting him, 18 when he was made an official disciple and 21 at the time of his death. I’d like to explain my reasoning behind the gap between him being scouted and him being debuted as a proper disciple. We know for another Hard Fact that all four of Cohen’s disciples (as well as others) had a physical, sexual relationship with their employer. Martin mentions it, Silas mentions it. Hector’s audio diary mentions it. Kyle was not excluded from this though I think he was not actively sought after by Cohen as much as other muses were. Cohen is smart, very smart, he knew that bringing on someone under the age of consent would not go over well with Ryan nor a number of the other key players within the social hierarchy. Kyle was groomed for the months leading up to his official debut. Which we know many went through but only 4 have managed to pass. I can go into further detail into his test. But I will spare you the details. He was pushed into the spotlight the second he turned 18 in 1956.

Let’s talk about why he was so young. Kyle is nothing less than a musical protege. He is incredibly talented, especially at such a young age. He is *young* he is not *stupid*. I’ve read a lot of people saying that they think that he’s naive or trusting and I’d like to counter that by saying that he’s impressionable, not naive. Cohen chose him because he knew he could mold him into something special. Which he did. Kyle is brilliant. But don’t think for one second he was stupid. He had three people constantly telling him that he was being manipulated by Cohen, by his Sponsor, by several players in Rapture. But he *chose* to ignore them.

Let’s break that down. Kyle was a victim of love bombing and near constant manipulation from almost everyone around him. I plan on doing an indepth dive into the mental illness within Rapture and the effects it had on those within the city.

Kyle was pulled in two separate directions. After working extensively on fitting him into the world created by 2K as well as John Shirely I chose to have his Sponsor be no one less than Frank Fontaine.

I do have a reason behind this. We know from all media types that Fontaine is an opportunist. Ryan always kept him at a distance. Never really trusting him. Not allowing him into the proper inner circle of Rapture like some of the other businessmen. I think especially in 1956, once things were properly starting to get heated, Fontaine would have looked for a way to worm his way into the inner social circle. He had a lot of people on his payroll, this we know for another fact. But how far did that really spread?

In order to explain the next part of Kyle’s backstory I have to derail to talk about Frank Fontaine. I can cite several occasions where Frank Fontaine openly or internally admits to blackmail, manipulation, sexual favors and paying off several people within Rapture in order to get ahead or get his way.

We know for a solid FACT that he had someone in nearly every part of Rapture with the exception of Fort Frolic. I always found that interesting. Why would the person with his hands in nearly every part of Rapture not be actively seeking out someone within the gossip hub of Rapture.

Unless he did.

I pride myself on fitting my work into being completely canon compliant. Fitting Kyle into the greater canon of Rapture was… difficult. I had to play fast and loose with a lot, backbending and jumping through hoops in order to bring such an insignificant character.

Kyle was young, this we know. Impressionable. I believe that Frank Fontaine saw him as someone he could easily get information out of.

Another solid fact we know is that Cohen didn’t care much for Fontaine or later Atlas. But Sander Cohen is a connoisseur of the arts. He can appreciate people with money, especially when it comes to funding his projects. Fontaine being interested in sponsoring his youngest disciple would have been too tempting a lure to ignore and so Kyle’s ties to Fontaine began.

Let’s dive into the manipulation and abuse within Fort Frolic and Rapture as a whole. Yummy, right? I see again and again people claiming that Kyle was stupid or that he loved Sander Cohen and I firmly stand against these claims. Kyle is young but he’s not blind. Do I think Kyle was once infatuated by Cohen? Yes. He was. Especially for a kid who came from a rocky background. But I think many people forget that Martin had been with Cohen from day one, working for him topside before he joined him in Rapture. Kyle had access and very close relationships with people who had been around Cohen for a lot longer than he had been. But knowledge and outside perspective doesn’t always protect someone from gaslighting, manipulation and abuse. I think that the dynamic between the key players was… difficult. A lot happened out of the public eye, within Fort Frolic, within the Disciples relationships and most certainly the interlocking dynamics between sponsors and their subtle or active gathering of information.

I’m about to step out of my semi-formal setting to get down and dirty real quick. I know y’all Sander Cohen kinnies gonna hate me for this one but that man is absolutely an abuser. We know this. He’s a sadist. And while I *love* that for him, he absolutely took out his artistic (or personal) rage on his disciples. There is a lot of room for disdain between disciple and artist. The prime written example of this is Martin considering just fucking killing Cohen when he first started to splice in 1956. The next example I’m going to pull is from the game with Hector Rodriguez. He says, and I quote, “the things that man made me do”. Which I always found interesting, saying as until the closure of Fort Frolic on New Years, they had *every* opportunity to leave all together. Of course, I could go into heavy detail into why each of the muses stayed but I will spare you. I’m here to talk about Kyle. Why did Kyle stay?

By 1958 Kyle was very firmly rooted within the upper class of Rapture. He was renowned as a musical genius as well as held a lot of social power from his dealings with Fort Frolic as one of Cohen’s Disciples as well as his ties to the essentially untouchable Empire that Frank Fontaine had created.

He was 19 years old and was untouchable by consequences for his actions. If Cohen didn’t bail him out of sticky situations, Fontaine would. Their dynamic is extremely interesting to me and I’d love to really get into the meat of it, but again, I will spare you in this short dissertation. Kyle was feeding Fontaine information he got while in Ryan’s social circles and he was well paid for it. It was an investment, of course, but Kyle gave him valuable information on Andrew Ryan and the inner workings of Fort Frolic as well as started giving him the seeds of ideas for Atlas. Though that’s another rabbithole for another day.

Kyle was very dangerously intertwined with Fontaine, which did not go unnoticed by Ryan nor his associates. After the ‘death’ of Frank Fontaine, anyone who had any ties to him were detained and questioned extensively. Kyle being one of them. But again, a story for another day.

Kyle was young and impressionable, as I have stated before. But he was also constantly being manipulated, gaslit and abused by those who saw him as an asset rather than a person. They took advantage of his love and lust for life. Kyle was burned out in record time but that does not mean that he wasn’t an absolutely awful person. He was a teenager given an outrageous amount of power. He was making extremely questionable decisions and was facing very few consequences for his actions.

I am not defending him as a good person. Anyone who enjoys Bioshock knows that these characters are extremely flawed and that is what makes them so fucking interesting.

I can go on and on about how everyone in Rapture was a simple pawn in a bigger game in a city that was destined to fail, but that’s the beauty of Bioshock.

Kyle Fitzpatrick was not a good person but he was the PRIME example of what Rapture was made for. He was a kid who came from a backwater town in Ireland who clawed, bit and fucked his way to the top. He loved too much and it was taken advantage of, brutally. Do I think that love extended to Sander Cohen? No. Kyle recognized him as a genius, albeit an outdated one, but he did not love him. Not like he loved his fellow Disciples or his work. Cohen was a security blanket for his debauchery, he signed paychecks and Kyle was willing to entertain him until New Years.

It is my belief that it was Kyle’s plan to bail from Fort Frolic after the Civil War started. He was in too deep with Atlas and Ryan knew it. His choices had landed him directly in the spotlight. Secrets were exposed and Kyle was brutally punished for it until his death in 1960.

I plan on posting a complete comprehensive history of him as well as the other Disciples.

TLDR:// Kyle Fitzpatrick is a dirty little bastard man who’s age is being confused for him being naive or stupid. He doesn’t really love Sander Cohen and he got exactly what was coming for him.

[parafic]

SHALL WE GET STARTED ON KAGAMI DEMANDS RESCUING. (lol fantastic title!) Also! More Typhoon Island please? :D

He's too cute to say no to! Even if you are Tobirama, living nightmare of the entire Uchiha clan, apparently.

Also, holding out an interview microphone, So @domoz it appears that you've succeeded in training people to ask for Typhoon Island every time. How do you feel about this accomplishment?

Anyway I, uh, didn't strictly speaking get to Kagami yet, but since it's the first ask of the fic have the first 500 words:

Kagami demands rescuing:

Hikaku was sure two days ago that this mission was cursed. It was supposed to be a simple, albeit extended, training mission, which is why the team consists of Hikaku, fourteen-year-old Ruri, and nine-year-old Kagami.  They were supposed to deliver a few scrolls of weapons to the border where the Hagoromo were in a fight with a clan from the Land of Hot Waters.  Ruri ought to have been fine on her own; Hikaku had only decided to accompany her and bring Kagami along because it had been a slow month, and Ruri leading Kagami would be good experience for both of them. He’s regretting that decision now.  Not that he’d prefer to have sent Ruri off to die alone, but it’s always better to lose one shinobi than three. First, they ran into a Senju team on the way out.  Hikaku was able to deal with them, but it took most of his chakra, and his left leg still aches from what he’d thought was a bad bruise but is, several days later, probably actually a cracked femur. Then, by the time they reached the border, the Hagoromo had already abandoned their fight and fled south.  Their enemies, on the other hand, were quite present, and immediately recognized Hikaku and his team as both Uchiha and Hagoromo allies—suspicious, such distant clans usually didn’t recognize the Uchiha so easily; they might be in contact with bloodline thieves—and they had been forced to run north to evade them, into the Land of Hot Waters where Ruri slipped into a pond that burned her skin despite not being more than warm, and… well, something happened to Kagami.  Whatever it was, it had started out looking like insect bites scattered over his leg, a dozen red spots that he said were sensitive, especially to heat.  Over the next few days, they’d developed into open sores.  They haven’t gotten bigger since then, but also haven’t healed. And it probably won’t matter, because now they’ve managed to cross back into Fire Country, and run right into another Senju team.  Even with a weak leg and his chakra only half recovered Hikaku might have been able to deal with the two he saw, until a water dragon formed, as far as he could tell, directly behind him, and slammed him face first into the nearest cliff. There’s blood dripping from his forehead and he’s probably cracked a few ribs and definitely broken a finger.  But the real concern is that there’s only one shinobi Hikaku knows of that uses that jutsu.  There’s only one that can—Izuna copied the handseals years ago and they’ve sold the information to every clan they can since, and no one has been able to get it to work. The mokuton might have found itself on a higher pedestal, but Senju Tobirama is no less dangerous.  On a good day, if they were both alone, Hikaku would stand a reasonable chance at escaping alive.  But Tobirama has allies, Hikaku has children he can’t protect, and this is a terrible day. He still has to try.

Typhoon Island:

From outside, the tunnel of the bloodline thieves’ base seemed slightly lower than the one Tobirama made.  When they reach it, it’s clear that the tunnel is merely shorter.  Tobirama has to duck, and even in the center of the tunnel, he can’t quite stand up straight.  In other circumstances, the irritated look he gives the walls would be very funny. Tobirama raises a hand and places his hand flat against the ceiling.  Dark lines spread out from his hand, then glow.  It’s not quite as bright as daylight, but still casts sharp shadows on the floors. “Will a change in the light be a problem for you?” Tobirama asks.

[acrosstobear]

Mick’s Diary: Life as an F1 Reserve Driver

Hi everyone and welcome to my diary!

Over the season, I’ll be keeping you up to date with how we’re progressing trackside and at the factory, and some insight into what I get up to away from racing. So, here’s my first entry.

Since I joined Mercedes, I’ve been settling in great. Everybody is just so open-minded towards me, and that made me feel welcome from the first moment I stepped into the factory in Brackley. I’ve spent a lot of time there in these first months. It’s a very impressive facility.

I visited it back in 2014 as a young driver and was even sneaking in the simulator then, but everything is a lot bigger now than it was then! It is a state-of-the-art facility, very impressive in how things are structured and how every detail is thoughtfully taken care of. I’m still getting used to the level of preparation that you see here, and I am trying to soak up as much information as I can. Also, there’s still a lot of people I haven’t met but it’s been fun getting to know as many colleagues as I can.

My main focus up to now has been working in the simulator. Because I have raced a car under this new set of regulations, I have a good understanding of how to drive them. That has helped me in my role so far and hopefully added value for the Team. I will look to be an extra pair of eyes and resource to help with the development programme across the year.

The simulator team have been super kind to me and great to work with. It’s impressive to drive the sim because it’s just so advanced, and I have been pushing to do more. It’s not enough for me to just sit on the side-lines, I want to be helpful wherever I can. Of course, it’s not the real thing and I would love to be driving the W14!

It's also been fascinating working with Lewis and George. It’s an interesting period for me as I get to look over and work with two fantastic drivers, which you don’t always get to do. I’ve learned a lot about what’s important in terms of approaching race weekends; I feel like I’ve already gained so much knowledge to add to my skillset. I didn’t think I would have learned and gained so much so early into my role.

As a driver, you usually do not get to hear what is going on between all the engineers while you are out on the track, so listening in during the sessions has been extremely interesting. I was quite shocked at the season opener in Bahrain, I did not expect the sheer amount of exchange that happens.

You don’t know what you’re missing until you are actually part of it. What I really appreciate in working with those engineers is that they are genuinely listening to you and your opinion matters, and what is special from an emotional side is that many people who are working for the Team now were working here when my dad was driving.

Whilst we’ve all been working hard, it’s important to keep a balance and get some downtime. I went out early to Australia and went surfing. I wouldn’t say that I’m a great surfer, but I have to say that I have come to love it and I feel it is not just for fun but also very helpful for training. Even at home in Switzerland I do a lot of surfing. Yes, this may sound strange when speaking of a country that’s not famous for its beaches, but we have a surf spot close to where I live.

It can’t beat the adrenaline rush of motorsport though and I’m excited to get back to Brackley and continue our work. We’re working through quite a lot of simulator sessions before the next race in Baku so we will do some virtual mileage and be pushing hard to bring performance to the car.

To finish my first diary entry, I wanted to speak directly to you, the fans. Thank you to everyone for the warm welcome to the Team, and for the support you’ve shown me. It’s no secret that I would, like any driver, love to be out there racing. My current role though is helping me grow and develop, which is great.

[eriexplosion]

I've been thinking a lot about Plan 99. Most of the fandom has, whether we want to or not, because how do you stop thinking about it honestly? Now I've been riding the Tech's Alive train from the start, for a lot of reasons - I won't list them all out, because there's been some absolutely amazing meta on the topic. Shout out to @heyclickadee especially who's done some in depth posts about Tech's probable survival that I cannot recommend enough.

But the thing that I can't stop coming back to and turning over in my hands like a shiny object is the thought of physically disabled Tech. It's a storyline that I think is underrepresented in media, as well as a choice that preserves the narrative stakes while being reason enough for the cast and writers to get as emotional as they did discussing it during the panel. And, frankly, it's a realistic outcome. There's this tendency to hold up character death as the ultimate demonstration of realism in a narrative based around war, but for every soldier that never came home there's a soldier that made it back with permanent injuries that changed their life forever.

But what I'm especially focused on is how it all ties together with the narrative themes that we've seen through the show, and that have been especially prominent in season two. Tech coming back with a permanent disability, especially one that removes him from the field in some way, fits in perfectly with several things.

The first one is of course survival as a whole - we get a lot of focus on this, and the most notable moment is with Crosshair and the ice vulture. "They find a way to survive" and all. But while it's most prominent in Crosshair's storyline, it's not absent from the rest of the batch's narrative. We see their determination to survive, Tech most especially. Episode two is basically an ongoing demonstration of how hard he's able to go even when he can barely move, and we get that long focus on him when the line "I'm a survivor" comes in. Then we get episode four, which is entirely focused on his quick thinking, his unique processing, and how it helps him survive where literally any other human would have been killed.

Tech is a calculated risk taker, but he's a survivor. If anyone could make it through that fall he could, tying his plot in rather firmly with Crosshair's journey through that shared narrative of finding a way to survive.

Which brings us to our next major theme - choices, respecting them and, especially, living with the consequences of your own. Tech made a choice, he looked at the odds and chose to risk himself to protect his family. If he dies here, that's it, that's as far as he has to go and it's up to everyone else to live with his choice and his loss. The consequences of that decision become theirs to bear.

But, if he lives, if he's permanently affected by his choice, then not only are they dealing with the consequences but so is he. Dying is a single choice, living with permanent changes is a series of them. Coming to the conclusion that despite everything he doesn't regret any of it, that he'd do it all again to protect them is a choice too. All of which leads directly into a theme that was most notably laid down by Tech himself in The Crossing - the ability and need to adapt.

If Tech becomes injured enough that he can't go into the field, that's a major shakeup in the fabric of the team as well as his own self image. From the start, Tech has always been elbow deep in the missions. He's in thick of the fight, right there dual wielding to take down enemies, smacking droids with datapads, hacking, and he gets several points where he physically saves Omega. He's not a sidelines kind of nerd.

So what happens if he can't do that? Maybe he's hurt enough that he has to actually stay behind on Pabu permanently, maybe he can go with them and pilot but he can't leave the Marauder, either way how does he handle being put in a situation where he can't be what he was before on the team and they have to go into danger without him there to protect them or help? The team has to adjust to his absence, and he has to adjust to not being able to do Everything and fill every gap. He has to adjust to watching them leave, not knowing if they'll come back.

But they have to adapt. He has to adapt. That's what soldiers do.

Except he's not even a soldier anymore, not in the same way, he might still be a mechanic and a pilot, but he's not the soldier he used to be, and that's another narrative theme hit. Who are the clones when they can't be soldiers? What else can they do, what are their lives without war and fighting? If Tech can't do what he did before, what can he do, how can he help his family, who even is he outside of the role that was given to him?

The final theme that I think ties into this - the second season has put a real emphasis on culture and community, we see communities coming together to support each other in multiple episodes such as with the wookiees, the rescued miner kids, Pabu as a whole. And Tech dealing with the changes that new disability brings provides ample opportunity to see that community support in action.

Pabu is a village of refugees, people who have likely gone through exactly what he's going through. His living would give the opportunity to explore that further and provide yet another link between the Batch and Pabu, another example of their belonging. He can't be as self sustaining as he was before. He doesn't have to be. None of them do, they have a community now and it's okay to lean on them.

I keep coming back to Tribe, too, specifically that quote that got us all right in the heart. When a young one leaves, the trees weep. But when they return the trees sing. As this child has found his new home, perhaps, one day we all will find a new path.

At the time a lot of us thought about Crosshair. Now we can connect it very directly to Omega's kidnapping. Two lost young ones that the trees will sing for when they return. Hopefully we get to see that with Tech too. We've definitely had our weeping, so fingers crossed for some singing to come.

[autisticjoshrusso]

Autistic Josh Headcanon Meta/Analysis - Introduction Episode

So I'm rewatching the show and decided I wanted to go ahead and type up some meta about why this headcanon is so vivid to me to the point that it's literally my url. Gonna do a post every time I hit an episode that is significant/relevant! And this is not going to be like based on clinical definitions or anything, just comparing what we see in the show to lived experiences of myself an other autistic people in a casual manner.

Starting with his introduction to the show!

An abrasive first impression. I love the way he's introduced to us, because they start off not exactly putting him in the best light. He's extremely direct and really leaves zero time for Maddie to get a word in edgewise, literally throws her book of notes in the trash, etc. And while this immediately gets contrasted with his demeanor once the shit hits the fan, and we see how his behavior is motivated by competency and passion for the job, that initial first impression of, "Wow, this guy seems like kind of a jerk" is one that many of us autistics have had to contend with.

An impatience for teaching. Something I've noticed among autistic people is that, unless teaching is their Thing that they have a passion for, explaining things to people is... well... not our strong suit. I'd much rather just do the task myself than try to teach someone else how to do it! And we see that in how much he just does NOT want to be training Maddie at that point, and the reliance on throwing her directly into the task and demonstrating it himself feels very autistic coded to me.

Quoting a famously autistic coded character. This one's more minor but like... not only is trying to connect with people via quotes and references already an autistic thing to do, the fact that one of his first lines is quoting Dr. Gregory House is sooo... I'm like okay I see you. Do you find this character relatable to you. Asking for your diagnosis.

Missing the joke. There is a moment after Maddie makes a joke by pretending not to have heard him that he just... it doesn't click. It takes a second. And man is that relatable. The amount of times I have started to genuinely repeat myself because I missed that the other person was doing a bit and was only pretending to have not heard me! And having to quickly recover like oh! haha! funny joke, I definitely understood it and I too am in on the joke! Very autistic exchange to me.

Being a dispatcher. I'll probably elaborate on this more in the episode where we learn how he ended up in this profession, but really the job of being a 911 dispatcher is evidence in itself. A job where you quite literally can't be asked to interpret facial expressions or body language? Where you don't have to worry about what your own face is doing because you never have to interact with these people in person and can just stay behind a computer screen? A job that requires you to stay calm and unemotional in the face of dangerous situations and other people's heightened emotions? Autistic. It's just an autistic coded job.

That's all for now, stay tuned for the next one. No idea which ep is next going to be relevant actually so I guess we'll find out when we get there <3