#we learn things everyday eh?

[rabid-dog-steve-horn]

Listen up you ignorant sheep.

He lies about everything is the point of me posting this.

He didn't have the power himself to ban fracking cause the state and federal government have control of the land involved and the laws and the regulations they passed due to democrat climate change agenda which Joe Biden is a democrat and said he agrees with climate change many numerous times himself. Look that up. Strange how only democrat areas banned fracking, eh?

He didn't stop them, he didn't try to find any way to reach any compromises, he left them go ahead and push their agenda forward. Why? That's what democrats do.

Look online, I posted a few things to prove you jerks wrong and nobody said a word cause there's the proof. There's tons of stuff online about it across the country, but I'm from Pennsylvania so I found a few examples close to home. Believe me there's a shitload online. I only picked a few cause I shouldn't have to waste time looking shit up cause nobody else is willing to cause they're too busy posting TikTok videos of silly animals and crying on Facebook they had a bad hair day.

We were energy independent, we weren't relying on other countries for oil or fossil fuels of any kind until Joe Biden came in passing executive orders that reversed every single fucking thing Trump put into effect to better our country. And that's why Trump jokingly said he'd be a dictator on day one cause sleepy Joe did that exact same fucking thing to him & our entire fucking country.

You assholes must like paying more for gas and helping terrorist countries earn money to buy weapons to murder people. Where are we getting our oil from you idiots? Joe depleted our oil reserves and prevented the pipelines on American soil from being completed while letting Russia finish theirs. Then rejoined that Paris Agreement that Trump took us out of to be more energy independent and free from environmental climate regulation nonsense.

You like funding China so they gain power? They can frack & mine for minerals to build your fucking electric car batteries and cell phone batteries which we could be doing ourselves if not for the democrats.

You might wanna look online to learn gas and fossil fuels are used in a lot of everyday products not just to make your cars drivable and heat your homes.

Perhaps if you'd look things up and do some fucking research instead of playing candy crush and gambling online you'd realize how wrong the democrats really are.

[fridgemissionmaster]

Mephistopheles x Reader: March Prompt/Day 25 Bridge

Prompt list/available prompt requests here, making a fic everyday of march

“Human.”

“Mephistopheles.”

As much as Mephistopheles revered his prince, there were some things about the man he just couldn’t understand, such as why leave responsibility of the fragile human exchange student in the care of people so reckless and why be doing this at all. As much as he didn’t like them he could understand trying to make better relations with the angels, if nothing else it would be the most peaceful method to keep war at bay, but humans? A single generation of them was but a blink of the eye, not even a hundred years, to make good relations would take going though several generations, would they even be able to remember these negotiations so long down the line.

“MC, with the recent interest in human holidays I want to interview you.”

“Huh? You want MY help?”

“Well that sorcerer certainly isn’t human anymore nor has he walked amongst you people in so long, I thought you would have more experience with such things.”

And his worries only grew after meeting you. For demons and angels life is much more slow paced, relaxed, meanwhile humans try to get everything done as fast as possible even if it leads to subpar results simply because they just don’t have the time. They barely bothered with the matters of other humans, their world, let alone making relations with others.

“Do you not see! Clearly this is to test me!”

“Okay, I get it, but why did you call me here Mephisto?”

“Honestly, MC, You… are the only one equipped for the job, this is to help Lord Diavolo, please.”

Just what could anyone possibly gain from this exchange? Surely Diavolo could see something he couldn’t, but was it? Why wouldn’t that man tell him so he could at least try understanding? But no, all Diavolo would do was whisper his secrets to the most stubborn, most inept, most cowardly man to exist!

“You look awful. No wonder you asked to hide here.”

“Thank you so much! I swear those brothers are out for blood after learning they ‘had a second chance’ for white day. Not all humans celebrate White Day anyway! Why can’t I just have lunch in peace and not have people fighting for my attention. If I have to miss lunch one more day because of their nonsense there will be hell to pay!”

“Honestly, those brutes. Why haven’t you put them in their place already like at the carnival?”

“Ugh, can you imagine how much Lucifer would complain about that? Just not worth it.”

“Well as long as they don’t cause trouble here you can stay as long as you like.”

“… could I help you fold the papers?”

“Huh? Uh… wash your hands, AFTER you’ve completely finished your lunch. I don’t need you fainting from malnutrition under my watch.”

“That’s… not how it works.”

Mephistopheles couldn’t see the point. There was even the possibility he never would.

“… MC, what is this?”

“A human world card game? Where did you even get this?”

“I stumbled across it at the bazaar after looking into the odd lights you mentioned yesterday.”

“I don’t recognize it, it looks cute though.”

“… Fine, I have the time right now, we can try a round.”

“Eh? Why?”

“You said it looked cute, don’t you want to try?”

…

“You’re back!? W- DON’T JUST SHOVE THINGS INTO SOMEONES HANDS SO SUDDENLY, I COULD HAVE DROPPED IT!”

“No you wouldn’t, now come on, open it!”

“… what.”

“Happy late birthday!”

“…… you… can’t just-”

“Just what?”

“Honestly, do you humans hold suck little value for everything that you can just so casually hand off something so precious.”

Was it even possible for such a gap between cultures, technologies, ideals, lifespans to be bridged?

“It’s odd, how the human world sun’s warmth feels different from any other… Do you ever miss it?”

“Sometimes, yeah… Oh, gimmie your cane and lean on my arm. This bridge can be a bit wobbly.”

“Ah, thank you.”

“And if I remember rightly after the next bridge and we’ll be back at the start!”

“A rather small park, and so empty too.”

“Actually there’s been a lot of work, like that outdoor gym area was still under construction when I last saw it, and they just built that little… dock area thing to watch the lake.”

“Hmm.”

“So, where do you want to go next?”

“You mentioned a games shop before, right? What about there? I want you to tell me about some of your older games.”

Even now he held little fondness or understanding for humans as a whole, but what did it matter if he couldn’t understand. As long as there was a willing to try, something could come of this, whatever it could be. If anything… perhaps not being able to see ahead made things more exciting.

Tag List: @penappal

[sillybruja]

roasting your moon sign pt 1. (Aries - Gemini) p.s. this one's gonna hurt your wittle feelings 🥲

Aries Moon

OH MY GOD. SHUUUUUUT UPPP. Seriously, you don't have an off button and talking to you is very frustrating. It's kind of like you jut like hearing yourself talk, which is fine, but the rest of us are suffering. And Holy lack of emotional regulation! When you are upset, you are really upset, eh? Seriously, you cannot control your emotional reactions even if you tried your hardest. If you feel triggered, you have to let the whole room hear about it 🙄And one more thing -- why do you think speaking louder makes your argument valid? It's kind of like listening to a toddler start screaming because crying was not getting their mom's attention good enough. It's fine to have emotional outbursts once in a while, but try to remember you're an adult, not a six-year-old. Communication takes more than scream-crying until you are heard / get your way. Btw, y'all are some of the most delulu people out there! It's like, everyday is a rollercoaster for you emotionally and you kidnapped the rest of us to have to suffer with you. Yeah, that's right, you can be insufferable and the people around you feel it. Are you even aware of that, though? Or are you more focused on creating a narrative that makes you the victim? Your lack of impulse control is a whole other thing. We get that you react first and think last, but to have the audacity to blame others for your decisions/actions is wild. Oh you punched a wall? No, that person didn't make you do that, you did that. Oh, you're insecure so you acted out of character? No actually, it's not their fault because they are secure with themselves. It's all on you. Guess what? Accountability is not the same as being held at g*npoint. You will not die. You will not wither away. You are actually wrong a lot and that's fine, but you don't have to be such a tool about taking responsibility. It gives everyone in your life the ick, and people are probably tired of walking on egg shells around you. 🤷‍♀️

Moon in 1st House:

Okay, drama Queen/King!🙄😅Besides the fact that you literally wear your heart on your sleeve, you are also so dramatic and for what, special effect? Seriously, you emotionally respond to things with the same voracity and urgency as you would an actual emergency. You can literally stub your toe and have a meltdown over it, saying that was your "13th reason" likeee y'all are D R A M A T IC and because I also have this placement, I know it's because it actually feels really dramatic but tbh it's not that deep. You just feel too deeply which is fine but guess what? You're still responsible for your emotions, no one else is. You sacrifice your power too often looking for acceptance and love, and then expect the people who you give said power, to reciprocate the same energy but they never do because what you are really expecting from them is you and that's pretty messed up tbh. You gotta let people be! your attachment issues are showing. BTW, being the sacrificial lamb in every situation does not actually gain you aura points, it just makes it obvious that you lack boundaries. The People around you take advantage of you because 9/10 times, you have made it pretty clear very early on that taking advantage of your kindness can be easy to do. Its insane that people have projected on you your whole life, and yet, you still can't detect when its happening. People are not mean to you because they hate you lol but the fact that you make everything about yourself makes it even easier for these people to project their problems onto you. Why wouldn't they? You are all consuming, and you take on the responsibility of everyone's actions, making yourself a stomping ground for ab*se. Your problem is, you are looking to find you in everyone and you will constantly be disappointed because that's something you will not find. Learn to be comfortable with others showing you how they feel, and accept it for what it is instead of for what you want it to be. Your scope of other's emotions needs work -- there's a whole universe outside of your own mind. You gotta learn to consider others emotional needs and try to walk in the shoes of other people once in a while and you will see that not everything is not in relation, caused by, or about you. Also, you have the same emotional regulation as a toddler sometimes. Stop making your problems, everyone's problems. Go to therapy.

Taurus Moon

OKAAAAAY, SLOTH. How do you expect to have the rich bitch bougee life you keep creating pinterest boards about if you won't even get off the couch and take small steps to reach those goals? Queen of "manifestation", all things "come to me naturally". Can we cut the bs and call a spade, a spade? You are lazy. You know deep deep down that you have the gift of the moon as your placement's exalted, but you have proven so many times that you prefer comfort over work. You're sitting there, waiting for the universe to deliver all the things you want in life, but your uninspired, bland, lazy ass won't even break a sweat for half of what you want in this world. YOU are the reason you do not seem to accomplish as much as you want to, because you do not challenge yourself. Do you feel incapable? I would if I'd rather live in repetitive and tired routines instead of challenging myself to grow. Speaking of growth.... do you even know what that is? Or are you still holding the same opinions of people that you had in middle school? Guess what, people grow and change... it is time to catch up! Why are you more comfortable with clinging onto the past, especially onto an old way of thinking? How is that actively helping your life? Be so for real. You cling & obsess over the past because its easier to revictimize yourself & build resentment than it is to take responsibility and make changes. Why is it more comfortable being stubbornly wrong, instead of owning up to your ways?

Moon in 2nd House

STAY OUT OF MY WALLET & GET A JOB! Seriously -- for someone who needs & craves financial stability, you sure will do a whole lot of nothing to get it. It's so weird because you manage to do absolutely nothing, and the people around you end up picking up your tab. What's it like being the community leech? And another thing... why is it that you feel you only have value when the 'yes men' around you over compliment you, or give you attention? Why is it that you cannot regulate your sense of self worth, but instead need to feed your self-esteem through manipulation, clinginess, and insecurity? Your relationships are probably prone to being unstable because of this. You are too much. Your expectations are too much, and they do not even match what you are willing to give back. You can't expect other people to pour from an empty cup just because You can't seem to fill your own. Your erratic self-esteem issues have an impact on your closest loved ones but your mindset is in the gutter because of how harshly you cling onto old mindsets and negative beliefs. Your greediness is not justified, no matter how much you have been hurt. You seem to never take your pain out in a healthy way, or on the person who actually inflicted the pain. If people come too close, you automatically assume there's alternative motives, even if there's no reason to think that. You act more like an 8H moon in your lowest vibration, and ironically enough, you are "triggered" and angry with other people who act this way. Your self-awareness is probably is as little as your confidence because you seem to live in your own bubble, and cannot understand how your own projections you put on other people are hurtful and make you look very weak. Your people pleasing tendencies will never grant you the stability you seek and until you take accountability, responsibility, and action to secure the life/lifestyle you want for yourself, you will always think shrinking yourself through people pleasing equals safety. But ya know, BE DELULU.

Gemini Moon

OHMYGOD CAN YOU SHUTTHEFUCKUP?! Yes, your friends do think you are annoying as fuck. It's because you never know when to STFU. And the worst part? It's not like you don't know you talk a lot... you do. you know you can dominate a conversation like no other. You are aware of the snotty asshole you sound like when you articulate and use word play to your advantage, and you don't care lol. If you're not that person, you're the opposite - you're weird af, you still never shut up, you have weird af obsessions, collections, and stories, and chances are you're easily forgotten about 😅 You share random facts with your friends all the time and at first it was really funny but because you never know when to stop, your friends are over it. When you talk, they sigh. It's because being your friend is exhausting. It's always the GEMINI MOON SHOW!!!! and you never give them (or anyone) the space to express themselves. You think you know what everyone wants and because you are lowkey controlling, you make decisions for others -- can you be any fuckin' worse? No wonder people don't really like hanging out with you lol. By the way, you are so dense. For being a mercury ruled moon, you would think you'd be better at reading people and yet, you constantly miss the red flags in others. What's it like being a door mat? It's like you know they hurt you, you know they are sus, and you don't care. LOL btw y'all are really big cry babies and so sensitive sometimes. You'd think that being a gemini moon would make you easy going, but you walk around and act like you have a stick up your ass. Your submissive nature is 10000% your decision but you have this talent of blaming other people for why you have codependency issues, let's call you the King/Queen of Projection. You act out, you push people away, you start fights and for what? For people to pay attention to you? lol that's sad. Why do you feel you are only worthy of getting attention when there's controversy? When you act out of character? Is it because you feel like no one cares about what you have to say unless you're being the worst version of yourself? Is that why you are so skilled at wearing masks with people? Maybe if you spent more time figuring your shit out, spending more time with yourself, and less time giving a fuck about others, you'd be able to heal the identity you shattered trying to morph into whatever everyone else wanted you to be. Basically, FIGURE OUT WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE SO YOU CAN STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE TO SECURE PEOPLE.

Moon in 3H

WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?! You wishy-washy bitch you lol. (pls don't take this seriously this is a roast ok? ily) But fr, who even are you? Because you switch up your entire personality depending on the group of people you're around. You think no one notices this but I promise you they do and they're tired of your shit. A lot of people probably find you unreliable because you also seriously lie...over dumb things too? Like, who lies about what they had for breakfast? Pfft. This need to maintain a certain level of "mystery" is actually kinda cringe because you are actually so transparent. Also, you do realize you cause a lot of your own problems, right? No one can drive people away better than you can, huh? :) Your need for banter and excitement is all fun and games until it became really fucking annoying. People do not like to constantly be poked and picked at and tested. Especially if you think you're some prize to win over. Speaking of being some prize... your ego though? It's like to feel intelligently superior, your say a whole lot of nothing polished in purple prose to humiliate others. Imagine being so insecure with yourself that you feel the need to verbally tear down the ones who are just plain doing better than you in life. Your problem is that you spend so much time focusing on the people around you, wanting to gain their approval, wanting to be the center of attention, that you actually end up losing sight of your identity and you become this annoying asshole 😅🙈 By the way, you definitely do talk soooo much shit about people, and yes it is so unnecessary. MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED YAPPIN YOUR TRAP ABOUT PEOPLE, THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE WOULDN'T ALWAYS LEAVE YOU or fantasize about leaving you for your much hotter family member, sibling, or friend 🤭

Pt. 2-4 are coming x

[meiidrag0n]

🐉 Mei's intro ! ! ^_^ ⭐️

haii ⭐️ i am Mei Dragon‼️ ᐢᗜᐢ member of the Dragon Clan (SUPER COOL) and streamer (lives everyday) !! great-great-great-granddaughter of the Dragon of the West and East! Descendant of Ao Lie! IT'S A BIT CONFUSING BUT YOU GET USED TO IT TEEHE ^_^

i'm a proud ✨non binary lesbian✨ who lovs my girlfriends Red Son aND MY BESTIE MK 💥 (were in a queer platonic relationship). pronouns she/them ! aND IM ALSO ON THE AROSPEC so yea i am aromantic 💥

recently (it's been a while actually ehe) dealing with the whole Samadhi Fire thing, even though i already know how to control it well, Red Son insists on continuing to meditate with me and train as well. I THINK IT'S ADORABLE THAT MK SOMETIMES WANTS TO PARTICIPATE TOO BUT HE CAN'T STAY STILL FOR TOO LONG, it's funny but we appreciate the effort he tries to make just to be around us !

⟡ my usual posting tag will be #dragon horse girl posting ‼️

⟡ and if i answer asks it'll be #dragon horse girl asnwers ‼️

// OOC:

⟡ suggestive asks/topics its fine but will be tagged as such aND NOTHING 18+ ‼️

⟡ i am new here so im still learning how to use this app!! so be patient with me please and i accept help!!

⟡ when i talk out of character I’ll use “//“ at the beginning of sentences or “OOC” or both

⟡ i have a tiktok acc where i post lmk/ninjago edits!! (user: nyaadgff0)

⟡ writer who writes sometimes

⟡ my other rp blog: @nyadsm1th

⟡ and my main blog: @mich4elacc

SHIPS THAT WILL BE MENTIONED:

⟡ chimerashipping (MK, Mei and Red Son);

⟡ dragonfruit (Red Son and Mei);

⟡ spicynoodles (Red Son and MK);

⟡ freenoodles (Pigsy and Tang);

⟡ goldendragon (MK and Mei);

⟡ shadowpeach (Macaque and Sun Wukong).

[moldy-flowers]

ITS BUBBA!! I DIDNT WANT TO SEND A MESSAGS BUT!!! Heh…do u have more OC refs?? Id love to draw them again (if that’s okay) if not do you have a character/s i could draw for ya?!? Or really js anything!

p.s. here are some vale drawings that’re too unfinished. Thank you for ur support and interest in her!! I hope im able to return the favour one day! <333

BUBBA BUBBA HI HI HI HI HI HI HIIIII!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the late response but u have no idea what a bitch it was to find and pull all of this crap together!!

I don't actually too often draw my Ocs, I actually write about them more and sneak them into fanfics that'll never see the light of day. But I have a few diagrams I made so I could picture them in my head when writing them! They're normally not rlly completed (that's why the drawings of Chinatsu and Kikuko were so lackluster,,, and there was no way I was gonna show Yuko that girl looked like she was mauled by a raccoon) and all my Ocs revolve in some way around Sasuke bc the brainrot is strong with this one.

My main Ocs are all meant to be mentors to Sasuke. I made them all canon compliant, so they all die in the og story but in the plot of the main fic I'm plotting like only the elders and police force were murdered (everyone say thank you Sakura!) So Sasuke still has the opportunity to learn about his clan and their techniques. This is also a thinly veiled excuse to create lore for the Uchiha (for Sasuke)

Once again excuse the lackluster art I swear im better than this!!

This is Kotone!! (IK IT SAYS NATSU IN THE LEFT ONE BUT ILL GET BACK TO THAT IN A MOMENTTT) She's my victim I use to practice pixel art! She's seen the absolute worst sides of me (My Danagonranpa and Mha phase...) omg her design has changed SO MUCH over the years its not even funny. Her name used to be Asuna, then it was Suna, then it was Yuri and then we arive to now. It may as well just be four different characters cause the designs aren't remotely related but eh.

Shes the receptionist at the Uchiha police force and she got her skull absolutely crashed in!!! Horrible concussion- actually ruined her. She cannot handle more than two people talking or she'll disassociate, which was actually an issue she had before but the trauma of watching her friends die and then getting trapped under rubble for 6 days straight with no food,,, uh it fucked with her a little ill be real w/ u.

Despite being a bit ditsy now shes actually very intelligent. She teaches Sasuke how to Integrate Genjutsu training into everyday life (the little Genjutsu creatures she made are what kept her entertained and remotely sane under the rubble) she always casts these little spirals around her, it annoys most people in the clan but Sasuke thinks its fun (and Kotone loves him for it) they also help her manipulate people since they're very very vaguely hypnotic.

She also plays the Flute. But she's not the one who teaches Sasuke about that!!!!

ABOUT THE NATSU THING!!!

THATS ACTUALLY TECHNICALLY HER PREVIOUS INCARNATION, AND MADARAS OLDER SISTER (OK ik that in canon Madara and Izuna only have brothers but leaves me alone i don't care!!! I swear this is like the only thing I changed from canon.)

SO THE REASON THE OUTFITS LOOK DIFFERENT IN THE TWO ARTS IS BC. THEYRE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Anyways Natsu died saving Izuna from getting kidnapped. Thats how he got his sharingan 👍 (I SWEAR ILL TALK ABOUT THE REINCARNATION IN A MOMENTTT)

Here are her old designs and oh my god this was so annoying to find and it turned out to just be embarrassing so jsbsns here it is 😔

The ginger one was her first version, Asuna. And the one with buns is Suna, she came with me thru my danagonranpa phase. Which tbh wasn't actually a phase i just moved her over to danagonranpa to be friends with my friends oc. Shes was the ultimate florist. Her eyes are actually green but she thought green was an ugly colour and injected her eyes with ink. And somehow. She's not blind?

Also!!! Kotones eyes are still green. Her father is only half Uchiha and she got her green eyes from her grandmother. But she's embarrassed about it so she hides it behind her hair.

Heres her with her accessories, and hair I guess, off.

AND THEN THERES RIHITO!!! She's a much more recent Oc!

(Blegh you can tell how much I rushed both of theseee)

Shes the head priest, her main place of worship is Susano's shrine, but she also actively prays at Tsukoyomi's and The nine-tails shrine (just to make sure when he inevitably breaks out of the 5-year-old he'll have just a little mercy on them!)

Alsoo it says she communes with the dead in her chart there, not dead humans, dead Uchiha (thanks to her) are reincarnated into different body's, so she wouldnt really be able to meet them. And if she did then she'd perform a ritual on the spirit to allow it to pass on to a new body. She just likes to hang with the dead rats and birds sometimes.

She teaches Sasuke about the clans culture and God's, she also gets him interested in blacksmithing and poisons. Exclusively because her knife is very pretty and also very dangerous.

THAT REMINDS ME!!! Not pictured but the shirt-dress she's wearing has built in gloves. Not a germaphobe but in her line of work touching anything with her skin is usually very very disrespectful or very very unsafe.

Shes also got dogteeth and plays the harp expertly. These facts don't affect the story whatsoever.

Theres a third character, Isuzu, she teaches Sasuke how to play the Ocarina. But uhh... she hasnt got a design yet. She has black hair. Uh. She mainly plays the flute. She doesn't have legs. Or well, she has one thigh. Sne lost one and a half legs in the massacre. It was her fault, really. She was trying to protect her sickly and dying father from being murdered. Pftt what a loser! I know she has that typical high collar Uchiha shirt. But uh I don't know about the rest of her outfit. But I think it would be cool if she had earrings that were vials with poison in them.

Yeah, I dont know much about her yet. I haven't gotten to writing that part of the story yet... if anyone wants to help with her design I welcome you.

AND NOW WE MOVE ONTO KIKUKO!!!! Our perfect little lady. She's a nurse and is decently main to the plot,,,

This was just a very speedy drawing I did cos I wanted to redesign her outfit.

Anyway she teaches Sasuke that actually healing people is very cool and actually epic. Which Sakura backs up, but based on past experiences Sakura is not. Trustworthy. So he needs family to confirm what she says.

There's not actually too much to Kikuko bc her whole character isn't centered around her clans culture, and she actually fights against Fugaku in favour of Konoha (She only does that bc she's co-dependant w her gf and doesnt want to leave her but shhhh)

Uh she's actually pretty far removed from her clans culture (Thanks a lot for that Chinatsu,,,) but she's still very religious. Her main God she prays to is Amaterasu.

(NOT RELATED BUT MIKOTO PRAYS TO SUSANO AND FUGAKU TO TSUKOYOMI)

Im sure there are more details I'm missing but I'm not about to read through the whole plot of Take 2 just to find some more Uchiha lore I've already accidentally taken a nap while writing this. But JANSJSJAKAN I hope this is what you were looking for!!!!! I was originally a bit anxious about dropping these guys out to the public but it was actually such a joy to share them ty ajsnsjakka

[suratan-zir]

rambling about language, rats and dreams..?

Recently, for the first time in two years, I had to speak Russian. I had to remember how to speak Russian, or rather how to write in Russian. The things I do for love for my rats...

explanation for those who doesn't know me too well: I was born and raised in the eastern Ukraine (the so-called Donbas), in a Russian-speaking environment. Studied in the "Russian" school, which means that all subjects, except for Ukrainian language and literature, are taught in Russian. Everyone around me spoke Russian. People there can understand and speak Ukrainian, obviously, as everyone in Ukraine does. But it's not used in everyday life, due to the years of russification.

Then, as soon as we moved from Russian-occupied Donetsk, a few months before the invasion, we (my husband and I) completely switched to Ukrainian. We didn't want to have anything in common with those people. (and after the invasion, many Ukrainians also made this choice)

Anyway, one of my rats, Krobus, has a disease unknown to mankind. In all the years of keeping rats, I have never been in such a situation. Something makes it difficult for him to breathe through his nose, yet it is not a respiratory infection. His lungs are fine, he doesn't sneeze too much, doesn't have a runny nose etc. No antibiotics, nebulizer inhalations and even corticosteroids have any effect whatsoever. Vets specializing in rodents don't know what to do. Most likely, it's some kind of growths in the nasal passages.

After a lot of trial and error, incompetent and idiotic advices, I decided to contact our old and trusted vet in Donetsk. But I didn't want to explain to her why I switched languages, I didn't want to have any political discussions, especially with Krobus' health being at stake. So I had to write all the messages to her in Russian. And it was HARD. I don't mean like morally hard. No, plainly hard. I kept mixing up prepositions, word endings, etc., and generally had a tough time finding the right words.

You don't understand how huge this is. I don't know how to explain… Russian wasn't just a simple tool for me. I used to write poems and prose, long letters and essays. My favorite author was Russian. (Nabokov, probably the least Russian Russian but still). In my school years I was that one annoying girl whom the Russian teacher used as an example for others or selected for language competitions to represent the school/town. I know you can't tell that from my shitty English, because the teaching of English in Ukraine and Russia is generally at a terrible level, to the point that English teachers often barely speak English themselves.

Losing it, a giant part of my identity, one of my very few skills…it should feel terrible. But it's fucking amazing! Trying to speak Russian and sounding weird? Wonderful! Trying to write in Russian and forgetting the correct spelling? Fantastic!

In the modern world, learning new languages is a very common practice. But trying to forget a certain language? Now that's a somewhat unique experience that is now shared by so many Ukrainians. Not all of us give up the Russian language for moral or ethical reasons, although many do. And not only in order to correct injustice and the consequences of years of colonization. For some of us, the Russian language is simply a trigger for our trauma. It's a reminder of the pain Russia is subjecting us to. When Russian missiles fly over our heads, at least in they can't penetrate our minds. Eh, it wasn't supposed to sound this pretentious. Ew.

This whole language-switching thing confused my brain a little bit and now I dream mostly in English. So that's a fun side-effect? I don't know why not in Ukrainian though.

In case you're wondering, no medication is helping Krobus still. He feels and acts fine, it's not getting significantly worse for many months, but nothing makes him better. We'll keep trying.

[nice2meetyouu]

Kanina, nag-speech ako about points for improvement and grievances, feeling ko nabigla sila na nagsasalita pala ako. Tapos, na-anxious after, na baka maging target ako n'yan dahil sa mga sinabi ko. Sabi pa naman ng boss, "That was a lot." Sana daw sinabi ko during and that we didn't have to discuss it in retrospect. Kulang daw ako sa communication. Sabi ko wala nang time, na-exhaust na 'yung resources, and I'm just trying to make do with what has been done. Alangang sabihan ko 'yung ibang mga doktor na please redo this after they spent so many hours and days already on those cases.

Andaming nag-message after, ayoko nga basahin noong una at baka katapusan ko na, pero okay naman pala, supportive naman sila. Baka kulang lang din sa pahinga, 3 days straight na 'kong walang tulog dahil sa mga 10AM meeting na sunud-sunod. Nakakapagod physically, mentally...

Anyway, naalala ko nanaman 'tong sinulat ko at itinambak sa drafts a few months back:

Sabi ni A, irerefer na raw nya ako sa sobrang unhealthy daw ng mga pinaggagagawa ko—maglakad ng 3km mula point A to point B tapos sasakay pa ng MRT, tapos LRT, tapos lalakad ulit; magtrabaho nang magtrabaho para makatulog sa pagod; hindi kumakain; at ang pinakakinaaawaan nyang aspeto: ang lack of enjoyment sa kahit ano.

Siguro dahil sa gutom, kaya habang tinatype ko 'to, may image ng matamis na kape sa isip ko. Parang ang sarap magkape ngayon na may gatas.

Hindi ko na lang pinapatulan 'tong si A kahit sabi nya, antagal ko raw nawala, siguro raw napagod na ako kasi antagal nyang mag-reply. Sa 7 years of friendship at sa darkest moments, siya naman 'yung nandyan. Hindi ko naman nakakalimutan 'yon. Pero sabi ko nga, nag-uninstall na ako ng mga app pangkausap ng tao, siya na lang naman at mga group chat na related sa school at trabaho ang nandoon. At ang hindi ko masabi, every 2 weeks or so ka lang naman sumasagot, kahit alam ko namang lagi mong hawak 'yang phone mo at laging in touch with many, many friends. Wala lang talaga ako sa priority list.

Hindi naman kailangan sumagot instantly pero the way it goes, nagkukumustahan tapos biglang maglalaho. Na-bring up ko na 'to dati, mula no'ng 'di na kami everyday nagkikita dahil sa mga nangyari sa buhay tapos nag-pandemic, at sabi niya, hindi naman daw kasi lahat, kagaya ko, na kayang mag-isip nang mabilis at sumagot agad, at kayang mag-stay on top of things at asikasuhin agad ang mga dapat gawin. In fairness, these past few weeks, lagi siyang nagrereach out, nagsesend ng memes or random stuff, at pinadalhan pa nga ako ng food one time, at 3AM.

Sabi niya, parang may learned helplessness na raw ako, kasi sabi ko, gano'n lang talaga. Kailangan lang magput up with nonsense sa work (and elsewhere). Wala rin namang magagawa kahit magspeak up at magpakatotoo. Sabi niya, huwag daw akong magpaka-robot.

Sabi rin pala ni M last time, baka raw gusto kong ipatingin 'tong anhedonia, antagal na raw eh. Pero tinatamad na akong magkwento at ibabalik lang din naman nila sa 'kin 'yung tanong: Ano sa tingin mo ang dapat mong gawin?

[cubtales]

🎁 ˶˙ᵕ˙ )ﾉ hello helllooooo dearest xixi !!! hopefully it’s okay if i drop by to leave a few words with you 🥹🤍 i have some thoughts /very pos !!! can i firstly say that i adore argenti with you because i always imagine how proud he is when he tells people about meeting someone like you — a lovely heart… draw droppingly beautiful both inside and out !!!! ??? the list goes on!!! im sure he could put this into words much better than i can — but oh, you two are so precious !!! i think about femi’s art of you two all the time and swoon because 🥹 how lovely … how peaceful .. how romantic .. how comforting … ausndjk okay but i had intended this to be towards you, so i will save my argenxi yapping for another ask sometime! :] ( though i always feel so guilty when he is the final boss of something in game !!! i have to attack xixi’s beloved ?! T T i will turn away !! NO. ACTUALLY — I’D RATHER LOSE!!! ) OKAY OKAY. i know you have been swamped with things lately ): yet i saw your reminder that you love and are thinking about your moots and i just !!!! )): xixi !!! )): you are so full of love!! even with such a busy schedule, you make time to remind your friends of this and it’s so endearing to me urgh ); i wish i could somehow convey how much i adore your presence on here, but it always ends up as some kind of weird babbling ( -> ISNSJDKKDS I LOVE YOU type of responses… ) so instead, i will sit here and VERY intensely wish for you to have an amazing rest of your year !! YOU ARE SO LOVED … SOOOO SOOO LOVED . 🤍

EVIE ! ! ! ♡ sorry this took a while tew respond ! i'm tearing up just reading this for the tenth time :c hope my response is coherent ehe

first of all thank you soooo much, like so so so much for even writing all this my love. to know that's what you think about argenti and i is just sooo sweet (՞⸝⸝o̴̶̷̥᷅ ⌑ o̴̶̷̥᷅⸝⸝՞) it's just lovely to know that's you adore us and we are precious to you ! ! it just feels me with so much joy :c ( + fightin' my beloved during simluni always has me clenching my chest cause i just wanna admire him and his attacks !/!/!/ unless he one shots me TT )

thank you my love ! ! i can't help being busy as bee unfortunately but i want to atleast be able to appreciate and do my best to support and adore you guys the best that i can ! i still feel like what i do isn't enough so i wanna do it ten fold ! ! *(⑉･̆༥･̆⑉)｡ so if you don't mind ! allow me to convey how i feel about you ♡

evie my dear, you're the sun's equivalent on this app to me. your kindness and generosity to all your mutuals shines brightly even to those who were able to admire you from afar. your presence on here is one that cannot be replaced, being able to call you a friend is just being lucky on another level. honestly, you do so much. just by your adorable comments or loving reblogs or sweet messages like these you give me and many others !? i can only appreciate it all soooo much, seeing you on the dash will always light up my day cause of how sunny you are ! i love you immensely, and so does moze ! ( not as much as me tho ! ! mwheehehe ) speaking of you two hehe, you guys r just so perfect. it's as if he's your moon, shining with undying love whenever it comes to you ! the more i learn about you two i can't help gushing and squealing because hello ?!?! soulmates ?!?!? yes yes yes ! will be peeping by for moevie crumbs plssss >:) all in all, i love you sooo much evie, you will always be loved ! ! all i can wish for is that you find something to smile about each and everyday ! hehe ♡

[wrathofthedog]

(So little note about this… i wrote it a month ago haha, so yeahhh, please tell me your thoughts hehe!) Okay so I will start this off by saying I don’t know everything about Sweeney Todd. I learn new things everyday about both of them. Some things might contradict or seem weird but also I want to fit in as many of the characters as I can without skewing relationships or whatever but many have the same relationship they have with others in the show they might not, okay? Great!

Now, I will make an assumption and say many would make Hannibal Sweeney.

I don’t.

It would be okay but to me… eh.

So, who is Sweeney?

Will.

Yes, Will is Sweeney, I don’t know exactly why but it feels right, ya know? And in turn his Mrs. Lovett is Hannibal. And yes I hear you, you say but Peter! Lovett’s pies are shit in the beginning! Yes. I’m ignoring that and just saying instead he was using the shop as something else before Will came, something related to one of his professions or hobbies. Then once they need to get rid of body’s and they don’t want to gain attention from anyone, Hannibal would bring up that meat is meat and no one would notice a few pigs going missing as long as the meat is used and then he starts the meet pie shop. Yay timeline

Now, for the other characters. As much as I’d like to put Molly as Sweeny’s wife Lucy, I don’t want to put her though that because then I’d also feel obligated to put Walt as Joanna and I really don’t want to do that. So… no.

So we wait on that.

Now for Pirelli I’d say Hobbs, and his little apprentice Toby is Abigail. (All in all I want a story were she lives and it would be funny to have her kill them in the end).

Also Jonas Fogg is Chilton.

Okay big brain time because at first I was struggling on who to make Joanna and Anthony. Ready? I don’t think you are ready. >;3

Margot and Alana. Like technically it might not make sense with the characters relationship with the others but like I said earlier not all the relationships with fit seamlessly.

And so Judge Turpin could be two characters for me. With Margot as Joanna it would be her pig of a brother, Mason. Or the end all be all he could also be Francis to have him be one of the last enemies or whatever. So either way one of them and I’d be fine but please if you thing I’d any other ideas then please comment them!

And with Beatle it could be Mason or maybe Mathew? I’m not completely sold on who to put as him so fit who’d every you’d like.

Also if Hannibal was Sweeney then I think I’d make Bedelia Lucy but I’m not so *shrugs*

So as recap!

Sweeney: Will

Mrs. Lovett: Hannibal

Toby: Abigail

Pirelli: Hobbs

Joanna: Margot

Anthony: Alana

Judge Turpin: Mason/Francis

Beatle: Mathew/Mason/undecided

Lucy: N/A

Jonas Fogg: Chilton (could also be Mathew)

Would you change anyone? Add in more characters? Do tell!! ;3

(And also don’t get me wrong i love team sassy science but i don’t quite know how to fit them in even though I’d love to and Jack and Bella too but nothings jumping out at me haha.)

[cuiizhu]

Helios Rising Heroes - Buddy-Buddy

Not Mark Time, Forward March! - Sage Skyfall Card Story

Sage: Huh, so you use ready-made juice instead of fresh lemons here?

Nico: Either works I think, but I want to eat it already so this is much quicker. 

Nico: Robin bought lemons and stewed the peels with them, so I think you should do the same. 

Sage: Uwaah…. I mean I’m copying Sensei’s recipe to the T, but the taste I end up with still isn’t quite right….

Sage: Your method is unique, but if it allows you to recreate a taste similar to Sensei’s pie….then this is probably the final choice….

Nico: Just a lemon? 

Nico: Anyways…how’s Licht? Is he joining us today too?

Sage: Ah, yeah. He’s currently undergoing a test over at Professor Nova’s. 

Nico: Hmm…..

Sage: Sorry for taking up your precious break, but I felt really lucky you were free. 

Nico: If you don’t mind me eating the finished pie, you’re more than welcome.  

Sage: Thank you.  Yes, now I just need to practice! So I can let Licht-kun experience my favorite taste!

Sage: I’ll challenge myself everyday until I come up with a method I’m satisfied with, so come and try it anytime! Nico! 

Nico: Yeah, I will. 

Sage: I’ll start by mastering your version. Right now it’s the closest replica to that flavor. 

Nico: Got it, I’ll teach you, then. 

----------------------------------------------------

Nico: I’m hungry…..

Sage: Sorry. For now you might just have to snack on the leftover filling and bear with it….but can I add the cinnamon powder in now? 

Nico: Yeah, but the timing isn’t all that important….(chewing noises)

Sage: The brand name makes a difference, doesn’t it? Sensei always used the same cinnamon powder. 

Nico: Yeah, it matters. 

Sage: Ah…come to think of it, do you listen to any music, Nico? 

Nico: (mid-chew)...?

Sage: I’m asking around a bunch. This is also so Licht-kun can learn about different kinds of music. 

Sage: Side note, Bianchi-san ended up being very knowledgeable on that end. 

Nico: Sounds about right. 

Sage: The songs they play while working are apparently chosen to fit the theme of whatever costume they’re working on. It’s honestly kind of impressive. 

Nico: Did you ask Jude? 

Sage: Of course! Jude knew all kinds of songs too. 

Sage: Well I had the feeling, but all the songs he listed as his favorites are the same as Bianchi’s…. I guess those two really do get along ♪

Nico: …………..

Sage: So? What about you? 

Nico: I don’t really go there.  

Sage: I see…. well, that tracks. Even when we were in the same room, the topic never really came up. 

Sage: But… I have always wondered. 

Sage: When you’re in a good mood, you sometimes hum, right? 

Nico: ……………

Sage: I was wondering if you had a favorite song, and I’d like to hear it someday. 

Nico: That is…..

Nico: When I lived in my parent’s house, there were quite a few people around me who liked music……I think the songs they used to play often linger around in my memory. 

Sage: Aah, I see! So it’s like that, huh! 

Sage: Those experiences are connected to the present. In my case, it’s the opposite to yours. 

Sage: I remember in Sensei’s house, we rarely ever played music—

Nico: Huh? 

Sage: Oop–I ended up rambling about Sensei again……

Nico: ?

Sage: No, I’ve just been thinking lately that I might talk about Sensei too much…….

Sage: I don’t really think too hard about it, and I like talking about him, but….sometimes it can be awkward for other people to hear about. 

Nico: ………….

Sage: I have to be careful when living with Licht-kun from now on. 

Nico: …..Sage, if you don’t hurry, the apples will go dry. 

Sage: Uwaah!? You’re right….!

Sage: Ah man, I need to get quicker like you…..

Nico: Speed is important, but there are times when taking it slowly is too. 

Nico: I want to eat things quickly, so I take various shortcuts, but Robin often warned me that it wouldn’t taste as good. 

Sage: …Eh?

Nico: I also learned a lot about cooking. 

Nico: We made things side by side in the kitchen like this. I didn’t know anything, but Robin taught me everything from scratch. 

Nico: Cooking is my memory with Robin. 

Sage: I see….

Nico: I think you can talk whenever you want to. 

Nico: Maybe wait and see about Licht, but you don’t have to hold back in front of us. 

Sage: Nico……..

Nico: I think it’d be more concerning if you didn’t talk about him. 

Sage: Ahaha….. well, you might be right on that…..

Sage: Yeah, I guess I’ll just stay the same for you and the others. 

Sage: ….If I could do that, I’d be really happy too. 

Nico: Yup. 

----------------------------------------------------

Sage: Here, Licht-kun. Thank you for waiting. 

Licht: Wah…..

Licht: It’s an apple pie….

Sage: I’ve had you eat it once before. I think the taste has improved since then. 

Sage: This is my favorite. I really want Licht-kun to know this taste—

Licht: The one I ate before was good though….? 

Sage: Eh……

Licht: Thank you for the food. 

Licht: …..Yup, It’s yummy today too. 

Sage: Waah….!

Sage: I’m so glad….. There’s still a lot, so eat as much as you like! 

Licht: Mhm.....

Sage: (I did it, Nico! Licht-kun liked it!!)

Sage: (I’m glad….. I’m so glad…….!) 

Sage: (Thank you so much, Nico. I’ll come see you again with lots of delicious thanks—) 

Event Story || Junior Cardsto

[seo-julie]

Shido Kyoya - AFFECTION [Ep 1]

I recommend reading on my site!

Translations by: seo-julie Proofreading by: aca, Misora

✧

It's morning. I got ready for the day and looked out the window.

Kyoya: (Today's weather looks pleasant)

The window, surrounded by its frame, looked like a painting displayed on a frame. Every second, every day, it is all captured within this frame, and even on holidays, there is no difference from the weekdays. From the moment one opens their eyes, even from the moment one falls asleep. Just like myself. Just like yesterday and the days before, another ordinary day like today begins once more.

✧

Kyoya: I'd like a breakfast set with hot coffee, please.

Employee: Understood. Please wait a moment.

I thought of going to a hotel lounge but I suddenly had the craving for this café's cake salé, so I decided to visit for the first time in a while. Today, Toku-san is on a day off so I had to take a taxi.

Kyoya: (I wonder what's in the cake this time)

The ingredients that are mixed into the cake salé varies day-to-day. If you ask an employee, naturally they'll answer. Although, I like it when I find out the combination after tasting it the first time. 

Employee: Sorry to have you kept waiting. 

Kyoya: Thank you.

The cake salé was served on a wooden plate alongside mouillettes, sausages, and a salad. After savoring it for a while with my eyes, I brought the cake salé towards my mouth. 

Kyoya: (Tomatoes and fried onions and…. Eh? Kinpira Gobo¹?)

I was once enthusiastically told by a native from where this dish originated that, “No matter what you mix it with, it's a delicious and versatile dish”. It seems that there isn't a problem in adding so-called Japanese side dishes in pastries such as this cake salé. Even if the ingredients mixed into this are different day by day, its substantiality and mouth felt texture never changes.

Kyoya: (I see, this sort of combination is delicious)

I slowly savor the happiness that could only be obtained through making a perfect choice, and build a plan towards the future.

Kyoya: (Come to think of it, I remember a certain someone telling me that the library has the first edition of that book)

(After that….)

✧

Owner: Thank you for trying on the clothes. The first person who came into my mind that would pull off this new line was you, Shido-san. However, I didn't think you would come right away.

Kyoya: It was as if we were destined to meet, don't you think?

Recently, a brand founded by a young designer started to gain attraction overseas. Apparently some new items arrived this morning and I, a regular customer, just happened to be in the store―― Since the full stock will arrive a little later, the store wanted me to try on one of the new items which they had on display.

Owner: All of that designer's clothes are always wonderful and well made, however it's true that they're difficult to wear and not for everyone's liking.

But with all due respect, Shido-san does not disappoint.

―――The results are as follows. The owner's way of speaking was at a faster tempo than usual. I knew stopping here was the perfect choice.

Kyoya: The artwork is reminiscent of a camera obscura² from the Middle Ages³. Surprisingly, it may be the designer's liking to dress in such a classical manner, don't you think? 

Owner: I see…. It's such an avant-garde pattern that I didn't visualize it in that sense. It's great learning new things everyday.

Kyoya: Haha, that's great to hear.

Compared to his elevated spirits, the smile I exchanged with him was probably just ordinary like usual. However, apart from that. I felt good about myself, for deserving to put on clothes that are supposedly suited for a minority of people.

✧

¹ Kinpira Gobo is a traditional side dish of burdock root (gobo in Japanese) cut into thin matchsticks. It’s often mixed with carrot or another root vegetable as the main ingredients. They’re pan-fried and braised in sweet and savory seasonings until the gobo has a tender yet crunchy texture. It’s a great side dish with lots of fiber, too. ² A camera obscura is the natural phenomenon in which the rays of light passing through a small hole into a dark space form an image where they strike a surface, resulting in an inverted (upside down) and reversed (left to right) projection of the view outside. ³ Middle Ages in Japan, especially the Kamakura and Muromachi periods.

✧

next

[44-moved-44]

Tell me how cool I am https://decomytree.com/home?hashedId=FblTFllLhH-E

Welcome to the Pinned Post

Things that will be in said pinned post you are reading now:

♡ Disclaimers/Important info (before the cut, please read immediately)

♡ About me (can't guarantee its length, I love talking about myself)

♡ DNI (well, more just "if you qualify for this I will block you")

♡ Boundaries (not including triggers, I'm too smart for that B))

♡ Other socials/blogs (can't guarantee I'm too active on all of them!)

♡ Tags (what I tag and how to follow it)

♡ Userboxes ('cos what good pinned post doesn't have 'em?)

DISCLAIMERS!!!

(Warning, I'm going to be uncharacteristically mean for some of these. I'm not usually this hostile! This is about as mean as I get, I'm just a little too passionate about some of these.)

-I do not respond to any asks asking me for anything and/or asking me to spread anything.

-I am insanely uncomfortable with Mias World. Please don't ask me why, all you need to know is that I had a horrible experience with the fandom and several bad people in my life exploited my bad experience with the fandom to hurt me. If you were previously a fan of it but don't consider yourself a big fan/in the fandom anymore, you may interact with thin ice. If your blog is themed around it/you're currently big into it, DNI.

-Please don't come here for fresh "cringe" or if you want amusement from my account. We don't have to fight. We could probably be friends! I consider myself someone who can be reasonable, I don't mind people who I don't agree with. I'm friends with many who I would put a strong block on if I could. I like to talk and engage with ideas. We don't have to fight. Maybe you just need the change in perspective I had.

-With that said, if you ship characters with an abusive dynamic (not enemies-to-lovers, realistically-depicted abuse) get out right now. The horrific things I went through at the hands of way too many people is not your cute little uwu yaoi dynamic.

-If your name is Dakota and you like Rayman, Popee the Performer, Happy Tree Friends, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, are a MASSIVE pro-shipper, go to a therapy school that an ex-friend helped you get into that you cut off contact with for confronting you about you hurting them, then I absolutely, irreversibly, incomprehensibly HATE you and I want absolutely nothing to do with you ever again. You ruined everything yourself, you're not some sad fanfiction protagonist that everyone hurts. And for the record, you can't use incest to "cope" when you don't have siblings you complete moron. I hate you for so many reasons I couldn't fit them in ten Google docs.

*ahem*

Alrighty, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Learn about me under the cut!

About Me

Howdy! My names AXYER. At least, that's what I prefer being called by strangers, that most likely include you!

I also go by the names Mr. Heart and Mr. Axon, but those are more friendly names. (Mr.) Heart's kinda my internet name, as well as a name that just generally makes me happy, whilst (Mr.) Axon's reserved for close friends! If you'd like to be formal, call me Mr. Midnight.

I am someone who is best described as a cartoon villain that must be someone's OC with how chaotic and unfun life is for me often. Really, I go through a hailstorm everyday! I like to think it builds character though. My life being so cartoonishly bad probably means I'm one of God's favourites, eh?

I tend to overshare quite a bit, so do bear with me! If I mistakenly say something too serious in casual conversation, assume I'm still being casual and don't be afraid to joke around and be silly with my "serious" discussion. I really mean that! Humour makes me happy, especially silly playful bullying, and if I actually needed to vent I would tell you beforehand.

I am also of the firm belief that kindness is best intended with no intent at all. I want to be a good person! I don't care for the reward of it, I just like being a good person and I just like making people happy. Nothing pleases me more than seeing other people smile because of what I did. I always try my best to engage with every infodump, and give as much feedback, comments, silly jokes and compliments I can! It really does suck when someone's clearly not interested in what you're saying, and I aspire to be a fun person to talk to!

Personal Information

Gender: Pangender (masculine-leaning, feminine-presenting)

Sexuality: Greyromantic-Panromantic Asexual (low libido, sex-indifferent in discussion sex-repulsed in activity)

Birthday: February 3rd

Religion: Buddhist, with a slight divergence in traditional Buddhist beliefs, as well as some vague Autotheistic and Pagan beliefs

Patron: It's very embarrassing so you'll have to wrestle it out of me

Height: 161 CM / 5'3"

Residence: Long Island, New York

Disorders: Cool Person Syndrome, comorbid with None of Your Business Disorder

Things I Like (structured most to least):

Hobbies: Maladaptive daydreaming, socialising, walking, writing (namely fanfiction but I love all forms of writing), coding HTML, moodboards, drawing, sleeping, comforting others, housework

Interests: Writing (characters, worldbuilding, story analysis, lyricism), psychology (most namely trauma responses), crossover AUs, butlery, ecology (namely biomes), Iceland, zoology, sociology, aesthetics, astronomy, trains

Fandoms (Primary): Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium (primary hyperfixation), Whump, Smiling Critters, Rain World, Animator Vs. Animation, My Little Pony, FNaF, Undertale + Underverse/Undertale AUs, SCP

Fandoms (Secondary): Subnautica, Earthbound/Mother, My Little Pony: The Mentally Advanced Series/Rainbow Dash Presents, Dungeons & Dragons, Bo Burnham, Ultimate Chicken Horse, Rick and Morty, Hollow Knight, Gravity Falls, ENA, Pokémon, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Cuphead, Centaurworld, Five Nights at Candy's, Happy Tree Friends, Don't Starve, Hateful Wonderland, World of None, Warriors, OK K.O!, BoJack Horseman, Tuca & Bertie, Tally Hall/Hawaii pt II, Steven Universe, Skylanders, Octonauts, Digimon, Phighting!

Interests (favourites):

Food: Lava cake with vanilla ice cream

Drink: Brownie milkshake

Colour: Has to be a colour combo for me, otherwise it's just bland. For combo, it would have to be light purple and black.

Animal: Chickens and sheep

Season: Winter

Month: December

TV Show: Centaurworld

Video Game: Ultimate Chicken Horse

Movie: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Person: @nkgrimmie

Weather: Blizzarding

Clothes: Long-sleeve pyjamas, either two-pieces or nightgowns

Character: The Heart - Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium

Song: It fluctuates a lot, but the one I always say is Good Day - Chonny Jash

Genre: A three-way tie between Supernatural Slice-of-Life, Psychological Drama, and modern Urban Fantasy

UN-Interests (least favourites):

Food: Guacamole

Drink: Tomato juice

Colour: Hot pink

Animal: Muskdeer

Season: Summer

Month: July

TV Show: Any anime

Video Game: Danganronpa

Movie: Spiderman: No Way Home

Person: @nkgrimmie

Weather: Heatwave

Clothes: Shorts

Character: I honestly can't think of one, most of the weird least favourites thus far have actual really specific reasons but I can't differentiate petty dislikes and genuine dislikes well enough 😭😭😭😭

Song: I Bet on Losing Dogs - Mitski

Genre: Most Horror and Action

Kintypes

High:

The Heart - Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium

The Robber - Ain't no Rest for the Wicked - Chonny Jash

Villain - Archetype

Medium:

Grimmchild - Hollow Knight

Glorified Stick Figure - Fictotherian

Id Forest Volunteer - Archetype

Low:

Simon - Hawaii Pt ii

Blitzen - Santa's Reindeer

Copinglinks:

SCP-682 - SCP

The Mangle - FNaF

Synpaths: (oh boy)

Ffionn M. Fox - Still Here - Hateful Wonderland

Touille - Nightmare Critters - Poppy Playtime

Beelzebub - Helluva Boss

The Vinki - Rain World

victim - Animator Vs. Animation - Fanon

Mackenzie - Bluey

Horse - Centaurworld

Fink - OK K.O!

Batty - Ferngully and the Last Rainforest

Kitty SoftPaws - Puss in Boots

Pink Pearl - Steven Universe

Tom - Eddsworld

Skateboard - Phighting

(Character) Fundy - Dream SMP

(NOTE: I NO-LONGER SUPPORT THE DREAM SMP. I HAVE EXTREMELY FOND MEMORIES OF THE TIME IT WAS BIG AND I'M DESPERATE TO CLING ONTO THOSE GOOD MEMORIES DUE TO SEVERE TRAUMA POLLUTING MOST OF MY LIFE. I ENJOY IT SOLELY FOR THAT PURPOSE.)

Mad Mew Mew - Undertale

DNI

As previously mentioned, this is more of a "if you're blocked this is probably why". Sometimes I block just if you make me uncomfy though, no hard feelings!!!

-If I believe you are racist, transphobic, sexist, albeist, sanist, LGBTQ+phobic, religiophobic, or generally bigoted

-Zionist

-TERF

-Pro-shipper/Com-shipper/Dark-shipper/whatever they wanna be called

-Romanticise/fetishise/appropriate mental illness and/or certain forms of trauma

-Jash-shipper (don't you think it's kinda extremely weird to ship someone's ventsonas together?)

-Artimonk, Gourmonk, Survmonk, Moonstone, or slugcat x iterator shippers

-Shippers of the sad tie stick figure and the black winged red tendril stick figure. It is incredibly obvious if you know what I'm talking about. You are an absolutely disgusting person and I want nothing to do with you.

-"Syscourse"-debaters

-Political blogs

-People who love to argue/"take no BS"/"cluck around and find out"/"I don't care about you or your feelings <3" people

-People who frequently make arson jokes (for an incredibly personal reason, but it doesn't help that unoriginal + constantly repeated jokes bother me a lot to begin with)

-Cringe culture enthusiasts

-People who police around what counts as trauma/what counts as triggers

-If dark humour/more "vicious" playful bullying bothers you (just for your own comfort)

-People who unironically call people "snowflakes" or "sensitive" (the secondhand embarrassment would make most prefer to go to a TED Talk hosted by an eldritch horror)

-If your CCCC AU is centred around DID/OSDD (see: Boundaries)

Boundaries

-Please, PLEASE do not talk to me about DID/OSDD-1. PLEASE. There is NO winning on that debate on Tumblr, let alone social media in-general. You could round up a thousand people on Tumblr and ask them the same ten questions about the disorder and absolutely none of them would be the same. People with DID/OSDD-1 can interact obviously (I'm not sanist) but don't rope me into any discussion on it, it's a gamble I'm not willing to take. Full disclosure, yes, I think it's a read disorder, and yes, r/fakedisordercringe and r/systemscringe are full of hypocritical cucks. I have nothing against DID/OSDD the disorder itself just the insane amount of disagreements and arguments about it that I just do not wish to get roped into.

-Similarly, but not for the reason you expect, don't compare Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium to DID/OSDD around me. Some… let's just say not very lovely people from my past were fond of that headcanon and posted about it a lot, and as a result it reminds me of said unsavoury people. I don't personally care about whatever and whoever you headcanon with whatever brain not-so-goodies, but that headcanon in-particular makes me extremely uncomfortable because of said un-lovely folks.

-I will ALWAYS be polite to people I am directly interacting with (maybe I'll reblog something with a not-so-nice tag but it won't be targeted at anyone specific) and I absolutely hate arguing with people. Even if you really, really don't like somebody, do not expect me to be upfront mean to them even if we are already close. It takes a lot to get me to be cross for more than a few days, so generally this won't happen with friends either. Please do not rope me into any drama you may be in.

-Please, PLEASE for the love of all things holy ask before venting to me. I am NOT always in a good headspace and often times I get extremely uncomfortable if I'm not prepared. I love consoling people, don't get me wrong, but I have to be in a good headspace first. If you vent to me without asking, you will probably only feel worse because I will probably upfront tell you not to do that instead of comforting you.

-Do not vaguepost about me. I will block you. If you have a problem with me, DM me and we will figure it out. That is incredibly disrespectful and I'm not going to do nothing and watch your followers bash me. Be respectful, for the love of all things holy.

-Please don't make comments about how "incomprehensible" my artstyle is. I know that. People tell me it enough. I'm trying to fix it.

-Don't call me a hypocrite.

Other Socials/Blogs

Socials

Bluesky - @heartchonnyjash

TikTok (Main) - @theheartfromchonnyjash / TikTok (Kin) - @burnofemotion

AO3 - @AXYER

PillowFort - @TheHeartAcoustic

Blogs

Fictionkin Blog - @thehearteccentric

Hero-Villain/Whump Blog - @elsewherereflective (trying to fix the link, bare with me)

Tags

Userboxes

[a3mtls]

Main Story: Act 11 - Acting On My Own / Episode 3

Note: Reminder that this is machine translated. Anything highlighted in orange or has [?] next to it, did not translate properly. I will try my best to make it simple for readers to understand. If there are any mistakes, kindly point them out. I’m always open to learn and receive help!!

—

[not proofread]

Act 11 Episode 3 - Profusion of Flowers

第11第3話 百花繚乱

Sakuya: Banri-kun!

Banri: Oh, otsukare.

Sakuya: Have you eaten yet?

Banri: A little.

Sakuya: It feels new to go see a play together.

Banri: Normally we’d go shopping for secondhand clothes.

“Hyakka Troupe” has been a theater company for quite a long time right?

Sakuya: Mhm. They are a talented theater company that is regularly nominated for the Fleur Awards and has won several times.

The chairman, Keiju Amadate, is also one of the Fleur Awards directors.

Banri: Ah, the old man who was a presenter at the award ceremony. I guess he has been nominated many times because he is the director.

Sakuya: There isn’t just one director, and I don’t think they’ll be convinced unless you have the ability.

Banri: Well, we’ll understand after watching the play.

Sakuya: By the way, I was a little surprised when Tsumugi-san told me this.….

The star actor, Kabuto-san, is also actively involved in the play, and is both the lead actor and director of today's performance.

Banri: Is it possible to be both the lead actor and director?

Sakuya: That’s amazing, right? I’m already overwhelmed with just a lead role.

—

Macbeth: “I thought I heard someone scream.”

“I can no longer sleep. Macbeth has killed sleep!”

“A good night’s sleep that unravels the tangles in your heart, like the comfort of everyday life, like a bath after hardship, like a balm for a broken heart.”

“A good night's sleep, a feast from nature and the source of life.….”

Lady Macbeth: “What are you talking about?”

Macbeth: “Someone has been yelling throughout the mansion this entire time.”

“I can’t sleep peacefully anymore! Glamis has killed my peaceful sleep. Cawdor can’t sleep anymore. Macbeth can’t sleep peacefully anymore either.”

Lady Macbeth: “Who would say something like that? If you keep thinking about things like that, you will ruin your great dignity.”

“Go get some water and wash away the evidence on those filthy hands. Why did you bring that sword? You should have left it there.”

“Take it away quickly and smear the blood on the sleeping soldiers.”

Macbeth: “I cannot do that. I don’t want to remember what I did. I never want to see it again.”

Lady Macbeth: “Coward. Hand me your sword. Those who are sleeping or dead are the same as the pictures. Only children are afraid of painted demons.”

“If there’s still blood, I shall smear it on the faces of the soldiers. We must have them think they are the culprits.”

Macbeth: “What is that sound? What is happening to me? Every time I hear it I get so anxious. Ahh, what is wrong with me?”

“My eyes feel as though they are being ripped out. I wonder if the waters of the ocean could cleanse my hands.”

“No, the boundless ocean would be dyed in crimson red.”

Lady Macbeth: “My hands have become the same red as yours, but my heart is not as white as yours.”

Sakuya: ——.

Banri: …..

—

Sakuya: It was amazing! The two main actors were so captivating with their passionate acting!

Banri: The staging was also innovative. It's classic, yet modern, and highly entertaining.

I think it would appeal to younger people as well.

Audience A: Um, could you be from MANKAI company…..

Sakuya: Eh?!

Audience A: As I thought, it’s Sakuya-kun and Banri-kun. Can we shake hands?

Banri: Uh right now, it’s private—

Sakuya: W-wait, Banri-kun.

こんなときは、 左京さんの“ファンサのお約束あいうえお”の“あ”だよ･･････! [?]

[something about sakyo fanservice teachings?]

Banri: Huh?

Sakuya: Like this, show off your big smile. [?]

ほら、“あ”愛想よく白い歯を見せて……………。

Banri: If you’re okay with me.

Audience A: Thank you so much!

Sakuya: Please, come see our performances again!

Audience A: I’ll definitely go!

Audience B: Um, can I have your autograph?

Banri: Ofcourse.

Audience C: Hey, that guy, isn’t he——

Audience D: It’s Amadate-san! Let’s get his autograph!

Sakuya: ——.

Banri: Go on.

Sakuya: B-but—

Banri: Now that you’re here, this is your chance.

Sakuya: Okay!

Audience D: Thank you for your autograph!

Keiju: Thank you too, for coming to see us.

Sakuya: E-excuse me!

Keiju: Hm?

Sakuya: The play was amazing! The direction was so cool, and Kabuto-san, the lead actor, did a really good job!

Keiju: Thank you for praising my son’s play.

Banri: Son?

Sakuya: Kabuto-san is Amadate-san’s son!? Um, I didn’t know, I’m so sorry!

Keiju: That’s because we don’t look very alike.

Banri: Sakuya, wasn’t there something you wanted to talk about?

Sakuya: U-uhm, theres’s one thing I really want to ask you…..

Keiju: What might that be?

Sakuya: Actually, when I was in elementary school, I saw a pirate play by “Hyakka Troupe” at an art appreciation event.

At that time, there was a fire at a facility next to the school, and the play had to be stopped and evacuated, but the actor playing the captain——.

Keiju: “You bastards, it’s a navy attack!”

Sakuya: ! !

Yes, with that line, we were able to evacuate while still feeling like we were watching a stage performance. I've never been able to forget that moment——

Keiju: I’m embarrassed. I was the one playing the pirate captain.

Sakuya: Eh!?

Keiju: Although I’m a retired actor, I remember it well because it was the only time a performance was ever interrupted by a fire.

Sakuya: Back then, you were there——I can’t believe it, I’m able to meet the man himself——

I started doing theater because of that experience. The reason I became an actor is all thanks to you!

Keiju: I see, you’re doing theater too…..

Sakuya: Well, this is Banri-kun, we’re members of a theater company called MANKAI Company.…

Keiju: Oh. I’ve heard good things about MANKAI company.

Sakuya: I’m the leader of Spring Troupe, and Banri-kun is the leader of Autumn Troupe. He’s studying in theater and dance at Amabi University!

Banri: Heh, why are you explaining my profile.

Keiju: What a coincidence. Kabuto is also an alumnus of Amabi University in theater and dance.

Banri: For real?

Keiju: In any case, MANKAI Company has been making remarkable progress recently, with a successful collaboration with GODza and a successful Zahra performance.

It’s a hot topic among the Fleur Awards board members. I'd love to see the next performance. Um, I think it was, Sakuya?

Sakuya: I’m Sakuya Sakuma! And this is Banri Settsu. We invite you to come see us!

Keiju: I’m looking forward to it. Well then, I have to get going——

Sakuya: Ah, yes! Excuse me!

*walks away*

Keiju: Sakuya Sakuma and Banri Settsu…..

—

DISCONTINUED

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Note: if anyone wants to read a profile of keiju amadate and kabuto amadate here

[eolewyn1010]

@awordwasthebeginning tagged me to answer 15 questions and tag 15 people, let's see how I fare.

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yeah, both after my mom's grandmother and after my father's grandmother, although I only use one first name in everyday.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Couple weeks back, when I caught up on the finale of Owl House. This show is so good.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

More in writing than in speaking, but yeah.

5. What sports do you play / have you played?

Sports... *hisses at the word* Uh, I don't think Yoga counts. A bit of calisthenics if I can bother? I go on walks sometimes? Eh. Something I can do alone, in any case. In school, P. E. was a humiliation on a regular basis.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Basic politeness. Say hello, be clear about what you want and don't infringe on other's personal space? We're peachy. Hear music on the train without headphones, think traffic was made Specifically For You, yell at or condescend to people? I can plan your death within 15 seconds of learning of your existence.

7. What's your eye color?

A kind of greyish blue.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. They can suffer on the way there, but where's the point if it doesn't pay off?

9. Any special talents?

I was told I'm both a decent writer and cook, is that special? If you want something useless, random and slightly freaky, I can do a weird thing where I make my pupils tremble.

10. Where were you born?

The federal state with the ostensibly worst German dialect (slander), Saxony. We got a pretty baroque city here tho, so there.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing and, when the muse turns her attention back to it, drawing and sewing. Also, cooking. And watching tons of series with my friend to yell and snark about them together XD

12. Do you have any pets?

Not atm, but I'm holding out hope.

13. How tall are you?

1,62 m or 5'4" for my non-metric fellas

14. Favorite subject in school?

German (Literature) and History. Heh, I guess while I collect new fancies and interests every month, my true passions were set in stone early on. It helped that my teachers for those were awesome.

15. Dream job?

I think deep down, I still wanna be a writer. It's not highly realistic, but it's what I think I'd be best at.

Tagging... uh, I'm always so out of my depth at this part. @chaoticpartners-incrime @poodlewithaguitar @str4wanzerin @chrisoels @cricrithings @herzeliebes-waltherlin @mutantenfisch @thotstochter @kittycatalex @owlbear33 @breaddo @krejong @scifi-mistica @fallingforfandoms @mynameisactuallylenny

Oof, are those fifteen? Uhm, tagging with zero pressure, you guys <3 Take care and be prideful!

[nine-blessed-hero]

@hannahcbrown Come get your girl - she's been wandering around my head, being adorable. (I doubt I'll ever write this out properly, but it's enough to have the bones out for now I think.)

[dividing line]

I had a dream last night where Lecrinn turned up in Cheydinhal, and she was either expected or Garrus had asked her to come. Garrus wanted her to come to the castle, but was being puckishly cagey about why - out of character, but not enough for her to be worried.

So he takes her into the kitchens, and in addition to the usual dunmer woman who's the head cook, there's a cobalt blue dunmer who looks very similar to the cook.

Garrus calls out, "Ser Omellian," and the dunmer turns. His eyes light on Lecrinn and he grins, saying, "Is this her?" After Garrus introducss Lecrinn, Talis says, "I would shake your hand in the cyrod style, but, ah-" he's up to his elbows in flour. Instead he gives a bow and says, "warm seas under warm skies, muthsera."*

Talis then presents them with a selection of pastries and some hot drink and says they're to taste test them for him, with a wink to Garrus. They take the tray and Garrus steers them to a small table.

Garrus explains that Ser Omelian is a Big Deal in the Imperial City and when the Count heard he was here, convinced him to provide dessert for dinner tonight. Garrus chuckles, saying, "He's come a long way from making mud pies and calling it chocolate."

Lecrinn asks then if they know each other? Yes, they grew up together, Garrus says, as much as a mer and a human can grow together**. He urges her to try the pastries - ser Omelian's reputation is well deserved.

So she does - and they're some of the most delectable things she's ever tasted! She does that "eyes rolls so far back in one's head that one's eyes close" thing, and when she opened them again, she finds Garrus looking at her with intense fondness. There are blushes, and fluttering lashes, and sips of tea taken to hide them.

They continue eating. A little pot of clotted cream*** has been provided with one of the pastries, and Garrus has managed to get this on his cheek. Lecrinn giggles, and wipes it off in a tender gesture.

In the background, Talis' mother notices the two lovebirds, and starts to sing something soft and sweet in dunmeris as she cooks. Talis joins in on the harmony, and offers Garrus a wink in the time he can spare to look away from Lecrinn.

[dividing line]

I'm usually terrible at romance, but this was just too cute not to share. Clearly my subconscious knows better than I do 😉️🧡️

(* I know this isn't quite right, but I can't remember the correct phrase - it's one of the things that the NPCs in Morrowind say to you if you're of high renown, same way they say "wealth beyond measure, outlander)¹

(** how do mers age in TES? Is this accurate? Who knows!)

(*** I don't care if it's not lore friendly - clotted cream is the most delectable cream in existence. This is a hill I will die on)²

(¹ Edit: I found the phrase it should be "Under sun and sky, outlander. We greet you warmly." Eh I was close)

(² Turns out that clotted cream made from sheep or goats milk (which Cyrodiil seems to have most of) is called ashta. Everyday's a learning day...)

[pacifymebby]

t r o u b l e / chapter fourteen

Chapter list

Sylvie

"Our fuckin brother eh?" grumbled Ada with a roll of her eyes. She was lying back on the settee in the original living room - the cosiest of the three which had now been built into the house apparently - one foot kicked up on the arm of the sofa, the other leg dangling lazy over the side.

I sat on the floor playing with little Karl who was still small enough that he could clamber up over my ribs and use my body as a climbing frame. It was a game I remember I'd enjoyed playing with John and Arthur when I was a wee girl too and it felt kind of funny to be playing it now as an adult.

"Fuckin dinlow," I agreed, "thinks he can shift us around like chess pieces,"

"Hmm," she agreed, "one day someones going to show him he can't play dictator forever," she said reaching down to hold Karls hand, "Don't let him trample you love you need those legs," she said trying to tug Karl away from my shins.

"He's fine," I said with a small smile, "he's still so tiny I can barely feel him."

Karl was giggling as he teetered and flailed trying to learn his balance as he stood on my thighs. Ada laughed.

"You must be joking Fen I swear the little rot get heavier every day," she said her smile glowing as she tousled his hair fondly, "looks more like his dad everyday,"

"Yeah," I said pinching the little boys cheek, making him giggle and snatch at my thumb, "he's got his smile hasn't he, your eyes though I think..."

"Our mams eyes," she said, "and mine and yours and Fens," she said, her smile lingering despite her sad sigh, "reckon every baby born into this family from now until forevers gonna have her eyes... The shelby curse just can't be lifted eh?"

I thought about my own streak of Shelby then, the dead hollow which had gouged my chest earlier that morning, the dark dead feeling which lined my ribs and left a pins and needles tingle in my fingers.

Then I looked at Karl, looked into his eyes and hoped it wasn't true. They were Ada's eyes though, and Ada was right. Everyone always said we had our mams eyes, so perhaps little Karl was doomed too.

I felt the tip of the sadness I knew I should have felt, like a paintbrush dabbing hesitant emotion over my chest. I knew exactly how I should have felt but instead of feeling the ache of it deep inside me, instead of really feeling it, instead I felt only surface level sorrow. A fleeting glimpse at the thought of feeling. And then just like that nothing at all.

"No," I said, "not little Karl, he's gonna be just right." I said already thinking of something else. My mind already preocupied with other things, other plans I hadn't really finished making. Things I should have thought through but had neglected to in my determination to simply make sure they came to be.

Isaiah had been standing quietly by the living room door, leaning back against the wall. His eyes watching me and little Karl, occasionally skirting the rooms perimeter. Every now and then he'd wander to the window sill and lean in the frame, watching the grounds and the drizzling afternoon. The gloom rolling in from the peaks. I knew what he was thinking, knew he was hoping I'd change my mind, lose this blinding determination and see some 'sense' but if he thought that was going to happen now then he clearly didn't understand our family as much as he thought he did.

"For gods sake Isaiah stop skulking about, you've got free will you know..." teased Ada making a lazy and dismissive gesture with her hands, beckoning him over so that he really had no choice. He might have been a bit of a cocky prat but he never defied Ada. I thought perhaps he was secretly scared of her... That or he was harbouring a crush on her that made it impossible for him to contradict her or ignore her. "Get that gun away, its fucking vile, guns around children... You know statistics say..."

"Got my orders Ada," he said with a sigh, taking one last look out of the window before he came to sit with me on the floor, "so you can worry about your statistics and I'll worry about keepin you safe..."

She laughed at that, a cruel almost spiteful laugh as if to let him know she didn't believe he could, or, that she didn't believe she needed him to. He scowled but he didn't argue, didn't let her see his irritation, just focussed on me and reached out to Karl offering him a finger to hold on to.

"From what exactly? Tommys already seen to it that we're kept locked away... Don't kid us Isaiah, you're here more to keep us inside than keep them out,"

I couldnt hold back my smirk, she was right and he knew it. Tommy could spin his story however he liked, with the perimeter guarded by Blinders, with all his high tech security doors and cameras, his panic rooms tucked deep inside the walls, all his escape routes too, Isaiah's job was less about defense and more about playing prison guard.

"Just put the gun away," sighed Ada, "I don't want Karl getting used to it,"

So he did, tucking it back into the waistband of his jeans. Karl not even noticing the weapon, too busy focussed on me, still trying to climb and clamber over the frame of my body.

"Careful lad," chuckled Isaiah, scooping him up when he saw me wince because the little one had unwittingly stepped on a bruise. I'd over stretched myself a week or so ago and had taken a tumble half way through class when my partner had placed my down and the muscles in my leg had quivered and given way. It happened more frequently than any dancer of my calibre was pleased to admit, but the humiliation of the scene had stuck with me and it was more that than the little stab of pain which had drawn the wince from me.

"You gotta be careful with our Sylvie lad, them ballerinas are made of delicate stuff y'know," he said letting the boy climb up his chest instead, earning himself a knee to the ribs that made him cough and crack a selfaware kind of grin.

"What about footsoldiers eh, whatre they made of?" chuckled Ada painting the poor lads cheeks a scarlet shade.

He shrugged it off, laughing as he played with Karl and watching him then almost made me feel guilty. He was trying his best to do everything right, trying far harder than either me or Ada ever had or had to. And tonight I was going to burn all his efforts to the ground.

But it wasn't guilt that gripped me. It was a dark kind of humour, I couldn't ignore how funny it was. The way we sat there playing innocent, playing with Karl, barely looking at one another, both of us knowing that everything I did was an act. Isaiah unable to call me out on any of my bullshit for fear of seeing the final straw snap.

"Where's Sunny?" asked Ada, "I heard her arguing with Tommy this morning, she still thinks she can go back doesnt she..."

"She's not stupid Ada," I smirked, "she knows she can't and its broken her heart... Its not the same fir the rest of you, your politics will still be there when all this is done and dusted, her spotlight will have been habded over to someone else... She's lost a lot, she's not sulking she's grieving... "

"If she goes back to London the Italians will snatch her up and do god knows what with her to get to Tommy... One lead role ain't worth it..."

"Well, I know that Ada... And so does Sunny, deep down, but she's allowed to be upset about it..." I said pretending to steal Karls nose, enjoying how he giggled and made little snatching hands to steal it back.

"It is a shame," she acquiesced, "god knows what she's been putting herself through all these years to climb to the top but..."

"The Italians would put her through worse," I shrugged, "and she knows it, she'll come round trust me, she just needs a few days to cry... You know what she's like, our very own Sylvia Plath..." at that Ada giggled and clipped me round the back of the head with one of Karls peter rabbit toys.

"Sylvia!" she grinned, "you can't say that!"

"Why not?" I grinned too, "I'm her identical twin... I'm exactly the same," I smiled though it wasn't exactly anything to smile about and I could see Isaiah glowering out the corner of my eye. Probably thinking of the conversation we'd had earlier. Probably remembering how precariously I'd placed myself in the open window. How determined and certain, how horrifyingly calm I had been when I'd looked him in the eyes and promised that I'd do it.

He didn't smirk or laugh along. Even when I flashed him a smile of my own and later when the sun was setting, when I'd argued with Polly about skipping dinner and retreated to my room, wondering where Sonya was because no one had heard a word from her since she'd stormed out of Tommys office that morning.

"She'll be with Bonnie," Isaiah had said thinking I needed reassuring she was safe. It wasn't that which bothered me however. I'd been hoping to steal her away from a moment. To let her know of my plan. How I intended to go to London myself and request Solomon's help. I knew she'd understand me and I wanted to give her the hope my brother had ripped from her that morning when he'd been so cruel to her. Whilst I was in London I'd try to pick up a little information about Freddie, find out if anyone he knew, knew about him and Sonya. If he'd kept her a secret then he was an honest lad who loved her as much as she believed him to. If he'd told a soul then it was as Tommy had said and her heart would be broken. But at least I'd be the one breaking it and I could be as kind as she needed, as gentle.

And at least we'd be certain. At least she'd know she could trust me. I didn't have any alterior motives, I wasn't trying to break her spirit so that she'd obey my every commabd as Tommy would be hoping for.

I was sure that if I could just speak to Alfie then he would understand our plight. I'd seen him around the opera house before, I knew it was the music he loved, the art. Not the girls as most of the sleazy old men who visited the opera houses were there for.

I'd never seen Alfie by the stage doors but I had been the one to water the roses he sent to decorate the dressing rooms every opening night.

I knew he'd empathise with Sunnys distress, I knew that if I could speak to him I could prove Tommy wrong. I was dead certain of it, completely determined to at least try which was more than could be said for my brother.

"You're such a fuckin liar," said Isaiah glaring at me as he closed my bedroom door behind him. The two of us alone together with his bad mood, "all fuckin day you've made me listen to you lying through your fuckin teeth..."

"Don't know what you're bothered about Isiah, morals aren't exactly anyones strong point in this family..."

"Thats your brothers Syl, it ain't you..you an Sonya have never been like that," he countered, his eyes dark, black treacle wounded and fixed on mine. I couldn't look away and I didn't want to either. He was showing me something he never had before. That Peaky boys had feelings too.

And maybe if that switch in my head hadn't flicked over I'd have smiled softly and apologised and taken his hand and been good to him about it, but it had switched and so all I could do was smirk, the veil still between us.

"Well don't get upset about it love," I shrugged, "people change don't they and Tommy really has forced my hand here," I said taking Pip my old toy mouse from my bed and ripping his back open with my teeth as I had done once when I was very young.

Isaiah watched me, that glower only growing more troubled as I pried the little toys fur open with my fingers and delved inside his stuffing. As if he was just a toy, one I'd never clutched to my chest or sobbed into as a girl.

I smiled triumphant as my fingers curled around the things Id been searching for, three rolls of cash tied with elastic bands.

"What the fuck love when did you.." started Isaiah his eyes growing wide probably imagining I'd stolen them from my brothers and that it was just more trouble I was dragging him into.

"When I was seven," I said, "so don't worry I think Arthur will be over it now..."

"You stole all that from Arthur when you were seven?"

"Uhuh," I said counting, not looking over at Isaiah as I gave him my short, sweet explanation, "it was dope money I think, so if anything he should be grateful I took it..."

"Yeah well," he grumbled, "somehow I can't see him thankin you..."

I grinned, a toothy, proud kind of grin, remembering how I'd snuck into my older brothers room and slipped my hand into his sock drawer knowing exactly where he kept his stash. I'd been watching him for several weeks and I'd learnt his whole routine by heart. I'd known exactly how much time I had between his departure to buy and take, and his return when he'd stumble back and collapse in his bed. I knew he wouldn't notice the missing cash until several days later by which time he'd only be able to imagine he'd spent the money himself on extra dope or a bit of something else to take the edge off.

Of course at such a young age I hadn't known the gory details, but I'd known enough to know when it was safe to take it. And I'd known enough to know that taking that money wasn't exactly wrong.

I'd stitched it up inside my little Pip that very same day and vowed to keep it safe for a rainy day. Not just a gloomy cloudy day when the streets flooded and stank of sewage and damp, but a rainy day when I really, really couldn't stand Small Heath anymore. When I absolutely had to get away.

Now this wasn't small heath but the sentiment remained.

"You saved that there all this time?" he asked cynically, "since you were seven?"

"Yeah," I shrugged, "it wasn't very difficult Saiah," I added deadpan as if the truth was obvious to anyone but me, "I moved half a country away less than a year later... Me and Pip have only been together a handful of times since..." I said with a smirk looking down at the little mouse left ripped open on my bed.

Isaiah didn't say anything then, just watched me as I gathered the last of my things. I wasn't exactly travelling heavy, but there were a few things I knew I needed to take with me, and a few things I was loathe to travel without.

As he watched me placing a couple of mismatched posessions into a bag, along with a change of clothes, a few pieces of underwear, an ipod and some headphones intended only for Alfie Solomons, Isaiah began to grow restless. As if seeing me move about the room with such cold precision purpose was making him realise it was real. As if he were suddenly being forced to acknowledge what he was actually about to do. That he was going to go against Tommy. That he was about to take me right down south into the lions den. That potentially he was going to let both of you get killed.

Every time he tried to say something he trailed off, got half way through the sentence and lost the heart. He knew exactly what he was doing just as I did. He was just filling silence, saying anything else he could possibly think of to stop him from saying what he really wanted to. Because he felt helpless up against the wall which was the "Shelby Curse" even if he hadn't quite realised that that was what he was up against.

Its difficult to argue with the barrel of a gun, no matter who its turned on.

I sat down on the edge of my bed with a satisfied sigh, lips together, slight downward curve, soft and relaxed. Too relaxed apparently.

"For fuck sake girl what the bloody hells wrong with you!" hissed Isaiah finally snapping as he snathed the little bag from my lap and cast it asside, "fuckin stand up, fuckin sittin there like that when you were threatening to shoot yourself in the fuckin head a matter of hours ago! How the hell are you just sittin there like that?" he was doing well to keep his voice down, I had to at least give him credit for that.

"Because it isn't time to go yet," I said simply, "and I'm not much of a pacer... Sunny tends to pace but not me y'know," I shrugged looking over my shoulder at the window I'd stood in that morning. Unable to keep the smirk off my face when I remembered how I'd held the poor lad to ransome. He hadn't been expecting anything like that.

"Yeah and when it is what exactly is it you think you're gonna do? Just get up and go aye?"

"We're just gonna go for a walk," I said, "lovely evening isn't it and Tommy thinks I've got a crippling infatuation for you..." at that I saw Isaiah's lips curve slightly, like something in his ego had been snuffed out. Like any upper hand he might have thought he held over me had been vanquished just like that.

"So he's wrong then is he?" he chuckled, his smirk tugging at his lips, confidence not exactly wavering.

"It's not crippling," I shrugged standing up and returning to the window without so much of a second glance at him. I was checking the lawn for one last view of my sister returning but the grounds were empty and I was forced to accept that I wouldn't be seeing her before I made my trip. When I turned back to Isaiah he was watching me expectantly, that frustration evident in his tight jaw, the glower in his eyes as he watched me with a building contempt.

"Shall we go?" I asked dropping my phone on the bed, knowing Tommy would be able to track us easily if I was carrying my mobile.

"Fuck sake," said Isaiah shoving his hands in his pockets waiting to follow me out the bedroom door.

The house wasn't exactly quiet and as we passed down the hallway I heard Polly on the phone talking to Michael, she must have had him on speaker because his voice was loud enough that I could hear both ends of their tense conversation. Her fussing and him growing tired, telling her he needed his rest, needed to sleep. Her saying she was surprised he could sleep after what had happened to him.

Ada lay docile on the sofa in the main lounge, a fire burning, her and Karl glowing orange as they dosed together. Perhaps she was finally burnt out after another losing battle with Tommy.

I didn't see any of my brothers before we made it out the front door but I could hear Arthur and John laughing and shouting somewhere down the hall and I knew the three of them would be sharing drinks under the guise of putting their heads together to fix the family predicament.

"We'll leave through the main gate, you can do the talking," I said taking Isaiah's hand in mine, entwining our fingers so that we looked intimately bound as we walked down the drive.

"Fine, whatever..." he replied, letting his fingers lock with mine but refusing to grip, sulking with me as we walked the long drive through the evenings haze, the mist slowly gathering in from the peaks and the heaths. "Where exactly d'ye plan on walking to Sylvia?" he asked quietly as we approached the gate, his lips a thin but self righteous smirk, like he thought he was catching me out.

"You're the brooding gangster Shiah, I'm sure we won't have to walk for very long," I shrugged knowing full well that he could probably hot wire the next Chelsea tractor we passed. I wasn't really bothered if the owner felt like making the donation or not.

"This is your bright idea love..."

"And you're the most important part of it..." I sneered back, the sweetness which gleamed on my expression as I stood on tiptoes and surprised him with a kiss to the cheek - more for Johnny Dogs benefit than his. He froze beneath my lips but only for a moment. His eyes wide for half a second before he heard Johnny's laughter and understood what I'd done.

"Sneaking about are you miss Shelby... you'll be in trouble if our Tommy catches onto any of this..." he warned though his smile and the amusement in his eyes told me that if Tommy did find out it wouldn't be because Johnny Dogs had been telling tales.

"Please don't tell anyone you saw us uncle Johnny!" I rushed out dropping Isaiah's hand, hiding my face behind my hands in embarrassment so that the older man only laughed harder.

"You're lucky its me out here and not your uncle Charlie!" he laughed, his rushed tone just threatening enough for bus to hear the warning in his teasing, "he'd have your bloody balls Isaiah Jesus!"

"Aye well," said Isaiah, "don't go telling him either eh Johnny..."

"Ahh your secrets safe with me lad don't you worry," he said still grinning, still believing himself privy to a secret and a joke at someone else's expense, "ha!" he chuckled, "young love eh, I remember it well eh, back in me youth..." he started too caught up in his story to realise we were slipping past him until it was too late.

I heard him call after us, something about us not being meant to leave the grounds, but neither Isaiah or I made the mistake of turning back so he was forced to hope we'd be back before Uncle Charlie came to swap posts with him for the night.

I bit back a smile, trying not to laugh so blatantly, knowing that Isaiah already thought me a sociopath after the way I'd treated him before. But when I looked up at him I saw he too was struggling to hold back a laugh at the old mans expense and, when we locked eyes we couldn't help dissolving into giggles at the stupid trick which shouldn't have worked but had. It wouldn't have worked if it had been anyone else trying to pull it off, we both knew that, and as we walked in step down the lane, moving quickly to make as much ground as possible before my brother could realise we were gone, we kept our hands held. Our fingers remained intimately interlinked.