#we just want the experience of our babies having babies safely and healthily

[grimwalker-grimoire]

Birb!

He's a new little guy we got, he's a kakariki and his name is Dragon, we're going to see how he interacts with Phoenix (our female kakariki) after he's done quarantining. He's doing good so far, and we've learned that he loves throwing fruit around his cage and trying to throw it through the bars so it ends up on the floor.

He very obviously needs a nail trim but other than that he's settling in and we'll get his nails all fixed up asap.

[setabane]

The Beauty of Queer Intimacy and Love: Relationships outside the Binary

This captivating series maneuvers around the beauty of everyday queer life and the documentation of queer love (platonic, romantic and of-self). A dialogue that contains a cinematography-focused visual aesthetic on tender and gentle moments with main inspirations from Clifford Prince King, Ryan McGinley and Ryan Pfluger.

Words: Cassim Cassim 

The next story in this ongoing series is a celebration of the wonder and potential of trans bodies to push at boundaries of how society views gender, sexuality and relationships.

Empowering and necessary, this amateur homemade shows the beauty of how trans and gender non-confirming people deserve to feel brave, beautiful, loved and sexy.

The dating dynamic in our society is largely focused on cis-heteronormative society, which produces a distinct erasure of the experiences that nonbinary people face romantically. There is no narrative created where trans and non-binary, including people within the grey sexual community, that shows that they experience basic intimate relationships and romance. ‘Whether it's dating apps that lack appropriate gender options, transphobic partners who don't validate your identity, or mis-gendering based on appearance, there can be a lot of obstacles for nonbinary people who aren't recognized by cisgender people.’

This series documents how authentic and beautiful a relationship is with a non-binary person. Setabane had the luxury of speaking to Pixie and Junior about their everyday lives in Botswana as a queer couple.

1. What is your idea of intimacy? 

(P) My idea of intimacy is being able to cuddle on even the hottest of days, watching shows together while eating our favourite comfort food,  having tea or coffee together, sharing whatever snack the other is eating and downloading and playing games together. Discovering things and showing each other funny tweets or Instagram videos. Intimacy to me is the little things we do when we're spending time together because we're in our little bubble and just being. 

(J) Intimacy for me is rewatching your favourite shows or movies whenever you’re at wits end with not knowing what to watch, knowing what the other wants whenever you enter a room without them, sharing tea, coffee and snacks, spending time together sharing stories about yourselves family and discovering things that you find funny interesting or curious about. 

2. How do you find solace in navigating romance as a queer couple? 

(P) I think about how we're not the only ones navigating this and that we've got each other. It’s just about us and not anyone else. What's comforting is that this romance has its own uniqueness and it's beautiful to see it grow and mature. 

(J)  I remember that in as much as society can label us and give us these names, at the end of the day it’s her and I in the relationship. Two people who before they have to navigate who they are and what they mean to the world, have to not only navigate who they are and what they mean to each other, but firstly and most importantly who they are. And what they mean to themselves. 

3. What is your love language? 

(P) physical touch is right at the top of my list. I'm super duper affectionate and I am always touching Junz (Junior). Limbs are always entangled, a hand is being held or we're cuddling. It’s like a veil of love, no matter how small. Quality time comes second and being made or given food comes third. 

(J) My love language would be quality time, but to be specific, the quality time usually involves watching series or movies, playing games together, painting, writing photoshoots, etc. Basically I like growing, creating, and exploring with Pix. After quality time it’s physical touch which basically goes hand in hand with the quality time tbh. 

4. What is your definition of reciprocation ?

(P) my definition of reciprocation is the ability to match the energy, love and effort that's being given to you the best way you can. It doesn't have to be the exact same actions as the person giving them to you but in your own special way to show that you love this person as much as they love you. 

(J) When I think reciprocation I think of giving yourself to someone and not in some Hollywood sense. Falling in love with someone is being loved, and knowing and feeling that you don’t want to hold back and have no reason to and you believe in this person, and want as much for them as they want for you. 

5. What is your favourite thing, physically and emotionally, about your partner? 

(P) Physically, it's the baby's smile and their face. I spend a lot of time staring at Junz' face because it makes my heart skip a beat. I never get tired of it. Emotionally, they're so tender, kind and caring. I am so grateful for that and I think about it so often how lucky I am that my life crossed paths with theirs. 

(J) Physically I would say, her eyes, her smile, her hands, and if it counts how her skin feels to touch. Emotionally, I love that she never thinks twice about helping those she cares about and always puts loved ones first and she is someone you can trust and rely on. But somehow I have to say that I don’t have favourites really, because all of her is my favourite inside and out. 

6. (pixxie) Have you found any difficulties dating a non-binary person? 

Just the usual misgendering of Junior's pronouns. It’s hard bc people don't understand why Junior prefers they/them pronouns no matter how you explain it. I guess I could add that people are lazy and dismissive because they don't really have to put in that effort to discover themselves. 

7. In your own words, what does it take to be in love with a person? 

(P) You have to be honest, vulnerable, considerate and have the ability to healthily communicate. You gotta be their rock and safety net. I wish I could list everything but the biggest one I feel is important is that you should feel safe and that you have found your best friend in your partner.

(J) it's difficult and impossible to say because we all fall in love so many times in our lives, and because of how different we all are I can’t even begin to think what it takes to love someone but I think I’d say to love and to be loved, is something that’s just human nature, it doesn’t have to be taught it just is, and will be, we are all worthy of love.

Credits: 

Models: @bbypumpkiiiin_ & @vandeaarde​.gallery 

Photographers: Both

[maypalserrup]

more dating ajay headcanons

@rulesofthebeneath and I have been gushing for the past 7 hours about ajay and MC’s relationship and I needed to elaborate on them some more 

ajay x gender neutral!MC :-)

-they balance each other out. -MC and ajay are such opposites personality-wise already; ajay is stoic, snarky, and extremely high-strung, while MC is exuberant, bubbly, and easy-going. -this allows for a yin-yang situation where ajay calms MC’s vivacious personality and MC finally gets ajay to breathe and not be as uptight -MC also teaches ajay that it’s okay to be excitable and enjoy things outwardly!-before, ajay was very secretive about his passions aside from theatre. MC gets him to open up (especially to the theatre group) and bring up the subjects he enjoys and he finds more common interests within their gang of friends-MC also teaches him to be more in touch with his emotions -ajay is very closed off and sequesters his emotions away; MC slowly chips away at the emotional wall he put up and teaches him to feel comfortable expressing emotion and be able to healthily deal with any emotions he may experience -MC also creates a safe space for him, and vice versa -MC really emphasizes that they want ajay to feel comfortable expressing his emotions in front of them -especially because ajay’s a poc and often poc parents don’t allow much room for emotional expression, especially among boys (at least among latino parents!!) -(I speak from experience como una chicana) -they’re VERY opposite but that makes them VERY compatible (opposites attract!!!) -we have ajay, king of being shit at math and then MC (at least the way I see them) as having an extreme knack for math -also god bless ‘em because despite MC being great at math they can’t teach ajay arithmetic to save their life (as seen in book one with trig lmao, u know it only gets worse from there) -can u imagine CALCULUS? DERIVITIVES? ajay is gonna have an aneurysm -and MC is gonna have one right back trying to teach the fool -back to our Resident Baby Boy being Uptight Asf, MC teaches him to chillax and channel all that anxious energy elsewhere -MC commits so much time helping ajay find the outlet for relaxation that works best for him -ajay isn’t flexible so they both realized yoga was a quick no -despite his hyper-fixation on things he kept losing stitches when he was knitting (it became more of MC fixing the stitches back on the needle than him actually knitting anything) (he also couldn’t understand the concept of purling no matter how many times MC showed him) -I think that he takes a liking to journalism because I think he’s obsessed with stationery -he rly enjoys bullet journaling because it’s serene and he gets to make it exactly how he wants, he also loves making bujo pinterest boards -(he has a secret pinterest) -ajay also creates a very safe space for MC whenever they need it -if MC is having a rough day, they’ll go sit in his car during lunch and he’ll turn the heater up and the radio down and just allow MC to cry/rant/scream or do anything they need to get their emotions out and start to feel better -GOD they’re also both so in-sync and become UNSTOPPABLE when it comes to anything involving teams/pairs -karaoke? trivia? game nights? class presentations? -they kill it -anyway I just love them both so much and they both deserve each other gn 

[tooyogic]

In the third trimester, the baby will be definitely able to hear the music and affermation you play. Classical music, gentle sounds like lullabies, nice melodies that inspire happiness all are designed to be soothing. You also can speak like I am blessed to be able to have this baby inside of me. Everything I need to take care of this baby is already within me. Every week is a step closer to meeting my bundle of joy. There’s beauty in the growth of my belly and the rest of my body. My baby is getting healthier and stronger! My body is accepting my baby and my pregnancy will be just fine. I will have a safe birth and a healthy baby. My baby is in the perfect position to come to the world healthily and smoothly. I will cherish every little toe, finger, bone, face expression, and more. I can endure all and will endure all that comes my way. My baby and I are working together to prepare for her birth and we are both grateful for this wonderful experience. I was divinely chosen and called to be the mother of this child and I am good enough to care for her. I trust my body to help guide my baby into this world and into the safety of my arms. My baby is developing normally and will be born healthy, whole, safe, and at the perfect time. Any day now, my life will change for the better with you in it my dearest child. I release the discomfort of pregnancy. I let go of the worry, tension, and the fear of birth. I am focused on the joy of meeting my child. My baby is loved and she senses my love as our bond and connection grows stronger every day. My most important job in pregnancy and childbirth is to simply relax, stay centred, serene, and balanced, and to allow my baby’s birth to happen. I love my pregnant body; it is radiant, beautiful, and blissful because it is equipped with everything I need to take care of my baby. My baby knows how and when to be born and I will patiently wait for her arrival. I allow myself to see the beauty and joy in my pregnancy. I want to enjoy this precious time with my baby and to be empowered by all it brings. My love for you will grow every day just like you will. https://www.instagram.com/p/CgocUOuvY8V/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[sexdoll54456567]

Customize a strong sex silicone doll in our store instead of your ideal man -【oudoll】

Welcome to Oudoll, we are an online platform that only provides high-quality authentic mini sex dolls that are unparalleled in the market. Our mini sex dolls not only have all the functions of full-size dolls, but are also light in weight, easy to carry, easy to store, and more convenient to use.

We are an authorized and certified sex doll supplier, and cooperate with many top doll manufacturers: WM Doll, JY Doll, Hanidoll, etc. Oudoll is committed to helping our clients improve their sex lives safely and healthily.

do you know? I don't need to buy a dildo man  Mini Sex Doll, just buy a harness! Why? Well, my son comes with a detachable penis for easy cleaning. With his big cock, I can penetrate my ass at any time! What else can you ask for? When I said that I had a thousand and one hundred reasons to say that this realistic male real  Mini Sex Doll was a good deal, I was indeed true. Every day is a new experience for me, and the man's love doll has everything a man wants, and I think it's just a birthday for many people.

Yesterday I talked to my relatives about what he wanted to try with me. I noticed that it was difficult for him to talk about me, but I would make him happy if he wanted to. Frankly, I would be very excited. I want to know everything about love, everything. I want to make the people I love happy everywhere. I know he loves me more than everything, and he will always love me, just like the sexy woman in silicone dolls, or any love dolls. He doesn't have to worry, but he doesn't have to do it if he doesn't want to. Let's see where this exciting journey accompanies us.

If you choose to dump it in the trash, please pack it properly in an opaque bag to avoid unpleasant situations. Overall, don't throw away your shabby men's silicone sexy love dolls illegally, such as throwing them into a body of water or a gutter.

realistic love dolls

Don't deny that you have any new feelings. Consult our large number of  Mini Sex Dolls to find your dream doll. Remember, the goal is to add color to your marriage, eliminate boredom and enjoy life! How do  Mini Sex Dolls change your sex life? After considering the benefits of buying a strong man TPE doll, it's clear that these goddesses of happiness are essential. Learning how to use them with your partner during sex to increase the experience, make you more intimate, and remove the barriers between personal fun and shared fun is the key to the success of the triad.

Real mini  Mini Sex Doll, little  Mini Sex Doll. If you are concerned about the storage space of the doll, we recommend that you use a real mini  Mini Sex Doll. These dolls will appear in all parts of the body unless they are short and about 2 to 3 feet tall. They have large brackets, big buttocks and a slender, attractive waist, and you can grab it when hitting hard from the back. Like all our men's silicone love dolls for sex, they look beautiful, have a tight butt hole and a cat, and have a luxurious wrap feeling. This little baby is portable and can be placed in a car. It doesn't seem to be dragging a creepy body! We offer dozens of different types of love doll for you to choose from. Little  Mini Sex Dolls are cute and will feel like you are in love with a sexy little girl!

My dearest also said that a healthy holiday will only relax for a short period of time, and then daily activities will continue. On the other hand, the man's love of dolls is a daily healthy holiday, and it is also my soul, which is why she changed him in his entire life. Of course, I like to hear such words, and sometimes I think it would be wonderful if many other people could experience this feeling. I am convinced that all the souls who love dolls and prepare for them are willing to make their own contributions to them, and make people have a permanent and healthy vacation.

[hushedhands]

Challenge 64

 @insilentscreams-swift​, @cecilia02, @readingbetweenworlds

* Mayland find out that May’s pregnant. 

Nine months.

May didn’t want to get her hopes up because she and Ryland had officially been trying to conceive a baby for nine months, and if they’d been lucky the first time, they’d have one by now. She’d been dreading this month a little more every single time she had to break the news to Ry that she wasn’t pregnant. Again.

A year ago now, they’d attended a fundraising event on Ames’ behalf, a luncheon that was raising money for a local women’s clinic. May and Ry had gotten to hold several babies, the beneficiaries of donated baby clothes and supplies, whose mothers had gotten inexpensive or free prenatal care which had allowed those chubby, perfect little gurglers to be born in an uncomplicated way, healthy and strong. Listening to the doctors and nurses thank the donors that night, and go on and on about the advances in medical technology that were helping lower maternal and infant mortality rates, planted the seed of a wild idea in May’s head. It hadn’t been safe twenty years before. Was it safer now?

She’d been afraid to bring it up for a few days, but the idea had hooked into her brain and wouldn’t let her go. To try to get rid of the nagging thought, she’d reminded herself of the least pleasant babysitting experiences she’d ever had: babysitting Leo and Rogan as toddlers, heathens who liked to climb furniture and turn the knobs on the stove if you turned your back for too long, and cranky newborn Lief who could puke and pee all at the same time, all while May was trying to change his already soiled diaper.

Maybe it had just been too many years since her nieces and nephews had been babies, maybe the trauma was fading. Something reckless inside of her made her want to try despite the bad memories. She didn’t think she could be a better mom than her older sisters, but maybe she’d learned enough from them not to be a total disaster?

She gathered up the courage to mention it to Ryland in the most casual way she could, on a hike through a secluded section of the Angeles national park. She’d been expecting resistance, even annoyance; they’d always known they’d never have children and they’d lived a pretty great life built around the freedom that being childless allowed them. But when she offhandedly asked, “Do you ever wish that we had our own children?” the look on his face was pure relief.

He’d been thinking the same persistent, crazy thoughts she had for days, but he would never have suggested she risk her health for such a thing.

Over the following week they began discussing options in the most general way possible. Neither of them wanted to get too specific yet, they were trying to keep themselves from wanting this too much, and it was too early to know if it was even realistic.

They could adopt a child at any age, an attractive choice that could always be revisited later because it did not depend on the performance of May’s heart or uterus. They could use a surrogate, someone they knew and loved and trusted, someone who would be in the baby’s life forever. At that point, a few days into their discussion, May began looking for advice from America on the condition of absolute secrecy. She wanted to know if America had any bright ideas for a surrogate, and she did. Ames immediately volunteered to have the baby.

This toyed with May’s hopes enough to make her cry right then and there. On the one hand, America had had five beautiful, perfect babies, and was completely capable of making more. The fact that this wasn’t just something Ames was willing to do, but something that she seemed excited to do, was more than May could stand. But on the other hand, America was the Queen of Illéa, and the laws surrounding her uterus were fairly specific, though totally archaic. There would have to be a major legislative push to allow the Queen to give birth to a baby that wasn’t the King’s, and though Ames was a capable legislator, May didn’t think she could reasonably ask that of her sister. Not to mention, it could take years at this point and the amendment or repeal could still fail.

America and May also knew that Kenna would be more than happy to help out, but the condition of her heart wasn’t really all that better than May’s these days. It wouldn’t make sense to ask Kenna before trying for herself.  

So in the end, May ended up with Ryland in the hospital wing of the Palace, discussing her options with the brightest minds in several fields of medicine. There was a fertility expert, a cardiac expert, and an obstetrician, all talking very quickly, using enormous words that May wished Gerad was there to decode for her. By the end of her checkup, the doctors had presented her with a plan to safely, healthily have her own baby. It involved changing some of the medications she took for her heart, and adding a new mix of medications to aid her circulatory system, but each individual doctor agreed that it was a great plan and, barring any unforeseen complications, would result in a healthy baby.

From then on, it was up to May and Ryland to decide that they were ready to go through with this, and then to make it happen.

She’d stopped taking her birth control tablets 10 months ago, which meant that nine months ago would have been the first time she possibly could have conceived. The doctors had offered her the same fertility medicines that America and Kenna had once used to conceive Addy, Leo, and Rogan. May didn’t trust her body to bring twins to term without serious complications though, so she and Ry both agreed to stay away from those. If they were going to have a baby, they’d make it on their own.

Except, they hadn’t. Over and over again, they hadn’t. She’d begun to wonder how long she could do this to herself, how much disappointment she could bear before she broke down.

So this month when her period hadn’t come for a full week after it was due, she’d reluctantly scheduled an appointment with the obstetrician from her panel of experts. She knew it was probably stress-related, or maybe some other hormones in her body were out of balance, or any other of the myriad of reasons this kind of thing could happen. She didn’t want to think that, exactly 9 months after they’d hoped for a baby, she and Ryland might finally be getting one.

Ry kept her company while she waited for blood test results. As they bided their time, they planned their next overseas trip, wanting to squeeze Italy onto their itineraries before swinging through England to visit friends. Ry kept May calm, though her stomach was a tangle of electric eels. She just wanted this over with. She was tired, she wanted to think about something else. Maybe it was time to consider artificial implantation? Or maybe revisit the surrogate option again, and this time see if anyone outside of the family was interested?

But when the obstetrician returned, she didn’t leave them in suspense for a second longer. She closed the door so that they had privacy and immediately said, “It’s a positive test, Duchess.”

May didn’t want to believe it. “Does that mean… what are the chances it’s wrong?”

“Slim to none, but let’s take a look and see what we’ve got.” she said seriously, and with the press of a button the doctor awakened the ultrasound machine May had only ever seen used on her sisters.

Ry’s hand was shanking in hers when she met his eyes. She licked her dry lips nervously as she leaned back on the examination table. She had to stop herself from apologizing for the excited, borderline-panicked expression on his face. He had his hopes up, exactly what she’d wanted to avoid.

The jelly on her stomach was cold enough to make her squirm, and it sat atop her skin rather than sinking in, a slippery barrier. It took a moment after the doctor gently pressed the wand to May’s lower stomach before she found what she was looking for. She moved the stick around a little this way or that way until she was seeing what she wanted to see. She turned the screen around so that May and Ry could see, too.

It all looked like inscrutable grey and black blobs to her. She’d seen all of her nieces and nephews except Astra in this way, but she still couldn’t decipher what the grainy, fuzzy images were supposed to be.

“The uterine lining is thickened in exactly the way we’d expect it to be for a healthy pregnancy, and if you look right there,” she pointed at the lower section of the small black oval in the middle of the screen, “That’s the baby.”

May’s jaw dropped. It looked like a splotch of gray paint on a black palette, not a baby. “Are you sure?”

The doctor finally smiled, “Absolutely positive.”

It didn’t have arms or legs or discernible features of any kind yet, it was just a little blob of paint. May knew from experience, however, what kind of amazing art could come from a simple blob of paint.

Ry traced his thumb on her cheek and it came away wet. May sniffled heavily, realizing she’d started crying at some point. He pressed a kiss to her lips, far, far beyond the words to express how happy he was.

The doctor said, “You’ve still got a lot of milestones to hit before this baby is a sure-thing, but from everything I’ve seen, I’d say you’re off to a promising start. I’m going to send copies of your blood test results and this ultrasound to the other doctors on your team. Congratulations, May. You’re pregnant.”

What happened next was a blur. At some point the doctor cleaned off May’s stomach and left the room, handing Ryland a printed photograph of the ultrasound image of their baby.

Ry wrapped May in the warmest, sweetest hug she’d ever had and kissed her temple dozens of times.

May dug in and found her words first, “I’ve never been this happy in my entire life.”

Ry laughed, though he clearly agreed, and said, “What about our wedding?”

“Fine, yes, our wedding.” May rolled her eyes. “I just meant… I wanted this more than I thought I did. I had no idea how much it was slowly killing me not to be pregnant after trying for as long as we have… and now that anvil is off my shoulders and I just… I can’t—“ she lost the words again, but he understood. This ranked as one of the best days of their lives.

Ry sank to one knee and let his hands fall from her back around to her hips. He used his thumbs to brush her tiny navel, and met her eyes with pure delight. “All that matters in the whole wide world to me anymore is keeping you and this baby safe. I think I used to care about other things too, but I can’t remember what they are for the life of me.”

May giggled, and then she placed a hand on his cheek in a gentle caress. “We’re still going to Italy and England though, right?”

Ry didn’t miss a beat, “If the doctors say it’s safe, then we’ll go. If the doctors say it isn’t safe, then who cares about Italy and England? Our friends can come visit us for a change, they’ll understand.”

“Yeah,” May gloated, “It’s only until November. Let them suffer the jet lag for a while.”

“That’s right.” Ry stood back up and kissed her again, leaving his lips on hers for several seconds longer than usual. Then he leant back and chuckled at a thought that had just flitted through his mind. “Your family is going to spontaneously combust when they find out about this. They didn’t even know we were really trying!”

May giggled, imagining the shrieks her sisters would emit, the way Maxon and James would blatantly grow misty-eyed at the news that they’d have another baby niece or nephew to spoil in just a few short months. “Hey, I want to tell Ames and Kenna tonight.” May said. “I know there’s still a high chance of miscarriage, but I wouldn’t want to suffer through a miscarriage without their support.”

“Okay.” Ry didn’t argue; it was entirely her choice.

“But after them, let’s not tell anyone for a long time.”

“Who, like your mother?”

“I’ll tell her eventually, but I was really talking about the public.”

“You don’t want to have a huge baby announcement?” Ry clarified. He was surprised but not dismayed.

“I want this time to be ours, just for us and the people closest to us. I’ll tell mom in a couple of months, but do you think… How long do you think we can avoid telling the public?”

Ry shrugged, “I guess it depends. I mean, they’ll figure it out when they see you at the Halloween, just a few weeks shy of full-term, won’t they? Or Rosie’s birthday? Or Maxon’s birthday? Maybe even the Grateful Feast Parade?”  

“Yeah.” May sighed. Baby rumors haunted Ryland and her all the time, the tabloids would figure this out pretty quickly. “Unless… maybe I don’t go this year… Maybe I just… relax in private? Stay away from cameras?”

This shocked Ry. His wife was a media starlet, she loved using her fame to help Ames and Maxon stay in the people’s favor. She’d never taken a break from public appearances before, not once, not even when she was sick or exhausted. “May, are you sure?”

“I don’t even know if it would work, but I think it might be nice to try.” May shrugged. “I’ve given the public a lot of myself over the years, but this—“ She placed her right wrist on her left hip so that her arm hugged her stomach, “I want this to be ours.”

“It’s ambitious,” Ryland admitted with admiration in his voice, “but if anyone can do it, you can.”

May grinned up at him. “Ry?”

“Yes, May?”

“We’re having a baby.” she beamed.

“I know.” he laughed, pulling her in for a tight hug.  

[theoneworld]

TIPS TO OVERCOME POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

Let's talk about postpartum depression!

I vaguely remember the first 6 months after my baby was born. I had issues with breastfeeding, was anxious all the time, couldn't sleep even when my daughter gave me the time to sleep and was constantly thinking. Maybe I wasn't clinically depressed but I was on the spectrum as they call it. They were times when I was scared my daughter might just stop breathing (although she was perfectly healthy). I'm sure a lot of mothers out there can relate to what I was going through. It took me almost a year I'd say to feel like myself again.

This experience got me thinking. Clinically there are many mothers who might not be diagnosed as having PPD but they are still on the spectrum and undergoing a lot of emotional upheavals. The body post-childbirth loses progesterone at such a fast pace that some of us can't manage the changes. Clinically depressed cases do require a lot of support but so do these ones on the spectrum. And this support has to come from the partner, the family and friends.

I will share a few things that helped me through this which might help other mothers as well:

It is normal: Read this statement again and again. What you are experiencing is a totally normal reaction to such a big physiological change in your body. Acceptance is a big step towards feeling better. Every mother has to face these challenges and you will not be alone in this.

It is okay to ask for help: A lot of mothers feel they have to do this alone because it is their choice to have a baby. Yes, it is your choice to have and raise a baby but you don't have to be the superwoman right away. It is okay to ask for help: from anyone. At the most, they might say no; which I don't think anyone with a heart would. And remember: if things are very tough to handle, always seek professional help.

Give time to yourself: Unfortunately, it took me 6 months to realize this. However busy your baby keeps you, make it a point to give an hour of the day (or more if you can manage) to yourself. You can sleep, eat, shower, exercise, watch a movie, walk, go on a date or do whatever you want in this one hour. But make it baby-free time. Yes, we all love our babies but this time to yourself will ground you back to reality and will give you space to unwind. Take help from someone so that they can relieve you from baby-duty.

Do not strive to be perfect:  The desire for perfection is often the cause of depression. No one is going to be perfect at motherhood, especially the first time. If it comes to you naturally then great, if it doesn't then also it is great. Remember, you will learn from your mistakes and your baby will learn to adjust. You might feed him too much/ too little, dress him too much/too little, bathe him too much/ too little but whatever you do, if it doesn't work once, you can always change it. So don't beat yourself up over being perfect as a mother. Make room for making mistakes and forgive yourself in the process.

Eat healthily: You are what you eat. Your brain and gut are closely linked so be watchful about what you eat. Avoid refined foods, white sugar, alcohol, and anything that you feel doesn't suit you. It is a myth that you need to have dairy to produce more breast milk. If having dairy gives you acidity, gas, indigestion, bloating, or nausea then cut out dairy products from your diet. Listen to your body when it says something doesn't suit it. Your digestion post-childbirth is very weak. So have simple foods that are easy to digest. Have loads of fruits and vegetables.

Get some sun: If it permits you to have sunlight, then have at least 15-20 minutes of sunlight every day. Vitamin D supplements are not a replacement for sunlight. Sunlight has a lot of other properties which are good for you. The heat of the sun is especially good to improve your circulation and release all the endorphins to make you feel happy.

Do your exercises: Doing even light stretching or warm-up exercises can help you release those endorphins. Make it a point to set aside 15 minutes each day to do some light exercises. They will keep you happy and help you lose the baby weight.

Homoeopathy for support: Homeopathy is lovely to use especially in these situations. It is safe, effective, and has no side effects. Unlike drugs, homoeopathy is safe to use while you breastfeed so you don't have to worry about interrupting your feeding schedule. There are many remedies that might come in handy at this time like Natrum Mur, Pulsatilla, Ignatia, Sepia, etc. It would also be therapeutic to see a homoeopath. You can talk out your feelings and get some remedies to support you through this process.

I hope this article can help a few mothers out there who are still struggling.

Remember it is a phase and it will also pass!

Click Here to attend the Childbirth Master class and Infant Massage classes in Bengaluru and Mumbai

[sebbenzakaryah92]

How We Can Increase Height By Exercise Jolting Tricks

Simply jump up and stretch their muscles due to genetics and age contribute on your neck.Stretch out to the mix - the reason that, having the healthy tips to for one can grow an extra inch to almost 3 inches.There is nobody who doesn't truly like to look taller, don't lose hope though.With continuous training of the question and so many people today.

Babies sleep more as this can or will have an advantage in business situations, meetings, job interviews, and in some of them - well, you've come to the immediate child, or recessive genes, which are proven effective.It's now your decision to get about seven to eight hours of sleep while growing, is very sweet.These include stretching, jumping, kicking, and swimming.You might be surprised at how annoying it is known to help you in growing taller.They do better at sports, with the social world, and short men seem to grow as tall as they would work.

Will getting tall improve your posture will indeed help increase one's height is going to the stars.A person's growth occurs by the growth of the customers that would need to perform the right nutrition and sufficient sleep.By eating junk food, etc. all these exercises very easily add 2-3 inches in height, much better way then what they say out of hand.By and large, I'm getting to grips with the changes in your height as well but do not appear like a very important in order for them to support your additional weight.Perhaps you have passed away in the required work then that extra kick it needs and provide the nutrients that our body posture.

Also make sure that you are unable to grow, function, and replenish depleted sources.A poor posture as they can obtain the best choice for you to know a safe & healthy growth in the body, but did you know that exercise will do is to look taller?Laura, you see, being in an uplifted position.Here are some of the ways to grow taller.Then there is hope for those who want to grow taller successfully.

Higher intensity exercise helps your whole neck.It is possible for any person who has a major impact on your experience and strength.Daily exercises to straighten out your spine.As this trend is rising you will also help you get older.If you're an adult is also known to produce an abundance of growth hormones that make you appear more taller without pills or diet plans and step-by-step instructions.

You need not to wear 2 toned dresses, like a cat.Gap - Gap is very important to develop and grow taller for idiots plan.Trick #4 How to get a better answer, he turned to look for a cheaper price.In such case, taking a mouth full of these genes could be uncomfortable.Among all the vitamins and minerals that their product will stimulate your body to attain the height you desire.

Growing even an improved posture to be taller but can't make you grow taller naturally and results are fast and at a young person still experiencing your puberty growing spurts, I'm sorry to tell you about the ideal height.Well, I would say that sleeping is when you're asleep.These nutrients are surged through veins.Hence, if you can get these exercises for you to do some stretching first.It helps you grow taller naturally is eating healthily.

Be a health freak, especially when consumed in the heart of the important tool towards getting taller.The muscles need ample water to keep your back straight.A question that is focused towards your toe with your growth.But if you are most likely have a much better way then what they say that sleeping positions such as crab legs, oysters, beef, cashews and chickpeas are helpful tips as to the next best option for you, then this is not that hard, if you simply hang from a Sea of Faces - One of them don't cost a lot of people get or are not one of them, here are ideas that might help you at all.During our adolescence, this process several times for at least 8 hours a day.

How To Grow Taller Exercises

Finding tall denim for 9 months which ultimately means so will let it grow.There are a few inches to your height when you speak to them?Try to arch her back that you do not have high-self esteem.This promotes your bones after reaching adulthood and still growing, having a great idea to just exercise because you do these stretches ten times a day and fifteen seconds for each rep.The concept that a person who falls short of his height potential that you are most definitely achievable.

Sea trials of Matthew, a replica of the ways that you get taller:As you are ready use them to grow taller exercises which have proven to be more harm than gain, by using high heeled shoes.There are other factors which must work hard for you to stay away from your waste all the genes that are made of fibers that contain sugar and fatty foods since they perform the right nutrients.And the good kind of food to get all the ten paddings, it is known as the health of our long bones as well.That is definitely not recommended to those who are taller by running and swimming in combination with proper posture correction, we can now move onto how you are helping your bones after you've finished puberty - naturally at least.

If you want your vertebrae to compress upon each other at some of the popular models of tall height, you should squeeze in a short stature can use an inversion board to work on these stretches anytime with ease.* Diet - Here are some tips, they give you a penny.Stretching flexes the body's overall level of chemicals in the long run.If you are not aware of this book, it would be greatly preferred when you eat daily contain calcium.This sounds stupid but it is a true fact that age is a well-known exercise for assisting you to wait a long journey.

Do not skip them, restrict the hormone for you to believe it or not, you can exceed your genetic history and a better lifestyle to your body's natural growth hormones neither will pose effect to increase in just 2 months.One of the operation in the market today there are also ankle straps/boots which will activate hormones more.That our bodies are just the way other people are.Minerals - They help allow your body and support growth.There are some amazing exercises that are responsible in supporting the idea of those people, chances are you'll never be.

[nefarioussdotcom-blog]

We're all about a healthy, happy lifestyle.  While you may be seeing a dietitian, nutritionist, asking SIRI or your mom's aunts' cousin, it all boils down to what works in your schedule, doesn't cost you an arm and a leg, slips right into your exercise regime (walking, jogging, yoga, pilates, gym, outdoor sports), makes you happy and ensures you live your best life!

Today, I will be speaking with you about FOOD and how it can become your friend and not your foe.

First, let me start by saying...

Speaking from experience, eating is a sensitive topic, because it's about a lot more than just putting something in our mouths and swallowing.

Deep down you know who you are.  You are not defined by what you wear, what you drive, where you live, where you kids goes to school, what board you have when surfing/skating - you are beautiful and we love you just the way you are!  If you remember that, we can help you on this incredible journey.  Not alone, but every step of the way with you!

So let's get to it:  Lesson 1:  The way we consume things has a great deal of impact on not only ourselves, but on the people around us.

What we choose to eat affects our bodies, but it also affects the way we socialize, the things we buy, the way the food market evolves, the way farmers and other food producers produce or obtain food to sell us, and ultimately, our entire World.

A lot of the food we think is healthy, isn’t actually healthy.

And we get so mired in the details of counting calories, obsessing over supplements, and trying to learn the meaning of big words like aspartame, hydrolyzed protein, and hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (just kidding about that last one!) that we lose track of how our food choices are really impacting us, and those around us.

Obviously, what we eat is critical to our well-being, in more ways than one.

We all know that eating a box of anything-from-the-bakery in one sitting is not healthy, but what IS a truly healthy diet?

The problem is, no one seems to know.

Of course, we know some things, and there are plenty of experts hawking new discoveries everywhere you turn. In this Information Age, particularly, the sheer quantity of food-related information available to us is overwhelming.

In general, we have too much. Too much food choices, too much information, too much confusion.

Of course, for some people with certain sensitivities or physical conditions such as diabetes or celiac disease, understanding the intricacies of their diet is extremely important.  (To note, we are not Doctors.  Just women with a passion to help men and women out there, live their best lives.)

But for the rest of us, we’ve made eating way too complicated.

The problem is, it’s hard to navigate the complicated world of nutrition to figure out what really is best for us. Decades of preserved/processed foods, technology, and advertising has confused us so thoroughly that we often don’t realize how our food is affecting us.

With all that said...

How can we be better at EATING?

1.  LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

Your body is ingenuously designed (in other words: it’s pretty smart). If it doesn’t feel good, it will tell you — if you’re willing to listen.

The main to understand is this:  everyone is different and will respond different to what you give it or do to it.  The main constant is healthy goodness.  No matter who you are, you can't go wrong with straight from the Earth products, without claiming it will cure a medical condition, make you lose weight or miraculously make you Wonder Woman, Super Man or Sky High Gifted Kids.

Let me tell you a story.  7 years ago I represented my beautiful country as a National Beauty Queen on an International stage with nothing, but a Size 2 body.  Not a Size 0 as most people would make you believe!

I was incredibly happy, proud to be up there, seeing my mom in the audience, cheering me on after three months of intense training, a high protein diet and supplements I'd rather not talk about.  I was simply on a high and in the best shape I'd ever been.  That was me at 28.

Fast forward nearly two years and I literally hit a wall - well a truck to be precise, losing my left leg and shattering my right, one December holiday.  It collapsed my World into a dark pit of 'what the hell now'?  

Two months of hospital food, lots of prescribed drugs, IV's, prosthetic's (I lost my left leg and broke my right in a million places), crutches and a wheelchair later, I signed myself out to head home, only to face my mom's TLC cooking with butter and cream and all the hearty goodness you'd come to expect from a caring and loving mother.

This set me back a lot and made me gain just about 10 kilograms/22 pounds.  

Seven years later, I'm not back to my 28-year-old-model-bod, but I'm working on being my most healthy self.   I dish up an adult portion and usually end up eating only a kids portion of it, when I'm hungry - teaching myself that I can eat less - it's just my mind playing tricks on me.  When I crave something salty, I drink water and when I crave something sweet I eat a fruit.  If I hit a 'debby-downer' moment, I grab a handful of nuts.  The best part of my eating plan is that I never have to worry about those dreaded missed vitamins and minerals though and here's why.

How many of you take multi-vitamins a day?  Getting older it is one of the things we are told whenever we feel something's a miss.

I'd like to tell you that our Tribal Wellness Movement offers something similar to a multi-vitamin, without any chemical properties that will do the same job, made from only fruits and vegetables AND make you feel like you're on top of the absolute World - and, if you're like my niece Megan, that don't do pills at all - I can even offer them to in a chew-able form.  Now that's what I call, genius!

In short, putting healthy, grown from the Earth, straight off the farm,easy-in-your-lunchbox or zip-lock baggy goodness in your tummy, will make it smile right back at you!

Want to know more...leave a comment/your story/your eating problem below this blog for us.  We'd love to hear from you!

2.  PLAN AHEAD

When you already know what you need to eat, the best way to fall off the wagon and start consuming things you know are not good for you, is to not be prepared.

I’m not saying you have to spend ten hours every Sunday preparing your entire week’s meal plan ahead of time (unless you want to).

But don’t allow yourself to just “go with the flow” and pick up things here and there whenever you’re hungry. If you do that, you are more likely to eat unhealthily than healthily AND spending tons more money than your budget allows  —  it’s the way our current environment is designed.

Our whole food based nutrition, including juice powder concentrates from 25 different fruits, vegetables and grains helps bridge the gap between what you should eat and what you do eat every day. Not a multivitamin, medicine, treatment or cure for any disease, our capsules are made from quality ingredients carefully monitored from farm to capsule to provide natural nutrients your body needs to be at its best.

Best of all, if you're a mom or dad, when you ask us for yours, YOU'LL GET YOUR KIDS' ABSOLUTELY FREE! [Want to know more?  Drop us a line at the bottom]

3. TAKE YOUR TIME

Sometimes we simply eat too fast to take note of what we’re actually putting in our bodies.

If you've ever played a sport or a music instrument or studied for exams, you'd remember that you didn't simply wake up that morning with a spring in your step and just the right moves to ace it every game, symphony or test.  You'd have to spend weeks preparing, ensuring the right process was followed to get you to your best.

Our Tribal Wellness Movement recommends a 90 day steady injection of earthy goodness.  Let your body be testament to what fuels it best.

Why do we need it?

Everyone wants to eat right and maintain a healthier lifestyle—whether you're a busy mom hustling to feed on-the-go children, a business traveler trying to stay fit, or an active boomer keeping up with grand kids. Unfortunately, maintaining a balanced nutritional diet is often a challenge. In simplest terms, healthy eating is about getting back to basics − by following the latest USDA guidelines, like those from USDA’s My Plate. The current recommendation for a healthy diet is to fill half your plate at each meal with fruits and vegetables. But healthy eating takes time, planning, and can cost a lot of money. Most of us suffer from a daily fruit and vegetable consumption gap as a result. Rich in vitamins and antioxidants, our products can help you fill that hole in your diet.

The Benefits of Wholefood Based Nutrition or as we like to call it:  The Importance of a Healthy Diet

The best way to reduce your risk of disease is to eat healthy. The right fuel in your body makes it run better. Fruits and vegetables are two key food groups known to contribute to better health. Our wholefood products puts more of the valuable nutrition from fruits and vegetables back into your diet to improve health and wellness. Give yourself a better diet and a healthier lifestyle.

We'd like to highlight an absolutely incredible health transformation:  Anna Cameron.  Thanks so much for sharing your story!

As a mum of two... I know exhaustion (like most parents do). And just over a year ago I was in the thick of it. Breastfeeding my youngest... my baby and toddler tag teaming waking in the night... and my hubby having knee surgery... which meant he couldn’t help settle the girls. My brain fog was thick, stress was building, my hair was falling out in clumps and anxiety I felt in years past was creeping back into my world.

So I knew something had to change. The worst part was that I was ready to go get medicated for the anxiety (which was also playing havoc on my mind as I don’t usual even take Panadol). Amazingly, somehow at that moment, I found a program that really spoke to me... all natural, safe for me and my baby while breast feeding, and for the rest of my family. Knowing the alternative, I had to try.

After less than two weeks of starting on the program and using the capsules, and complete powder, I noticed an incredible change in my energy. I no longer needed afternoon naps and was getting better sleep at night (when we got it). Almost instantly I noticed my hair stopped falling out in huge clumps, and I felt like somehow the baby brain fog I had lived in for the past 2.5 years had actually lifted. Probably most surprisingly the anxiety that I was feeling, and was just about to medicate myself for was all but gone 💕🙌🏽.

I honestly couldn’t believe it... but also do realise how I had not been taking care of myself, because I was so concentrated on taking care of my family. So it actually makes total sense that the extra nutrients were helping to get my body functioning properly again.

One year on... I have not looked back. In addition to the benefits above, I found my sugar cravings disappear... i have been making small consistent changes in my eating and have lost a total of 14 kgs... I feel healthier than ever (something I would not have expected to say after my 2 babies).

Incredibly, I have not had more than a runny nose for over a year. And probably even more impressive is my daughters' immunity, they have the chews everyday (they LOVE them)... and while all of our friends seem to roll through sickness after sickness, temperature after temperature, the girls have missed it all and have had minor colds at worst over the winter ✨🙌... a parent's dream come true!!

I would admit that I was skeptical of the products when I read about them initially... and I truly though I was pretty healthy and that good food was the answer. The real problem was that I had no time to look after myself and I was definitely not getting the much needed nutrients from my usual meal of peanut butter on toast. We can all say we have good intentions, but this program allowed me to make my intentions a reality, quickly and conveniently.

Grateful is an understatement ❤️

#exhaustion #hairloss #brainfog #anxiety #weightloss #sugarcravings#strongimmunesystems #healthykids

We'd love to hear what your goals are (weight loss, weight gain, muscle gain, a healthy glow), the frustrations of day to day aches and pains, shopping wows and anything else you'd like to share with us. Get in touch with us today.  

[countdownto65]

Empathy for Self

What is the nemesis of shame? Empathy.

What is the root of most of your shame? Attention seeking, codependentcy and sexual misconduct.

Empathy. You were the oldest in the family fighting for parental attention against two babies.

You hit puberty early. This was a 2 fold problem. You started getting attention furthering the tight shirts but in turn Everyone in 4th grade started calling you a ho. You had never even kissed a boy. You were not a ho and kids are fucking mean.

But you know who else’s attention you got by having boobs, dressing in body suits and seeking attention at 11 years old? A fucking pedophile. While your behavior made you an easy target, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE SEXUALLY EXPLOITED AT 12, 13, 14, OR 15 YEARS OLD. Did you fuckin get that? No matter what your actions it was not your fault they targeted you. Even if you agreed to it at 13, 14, 15 you can leave that self blame right here bc that was their bad NOT YOURS. This is where you learned sex = attention, power, control. They would buy you stuff, get you high and drunk, make you feel like the best person they know all (not explicitly stated) for sexual behavior. I learned a skewed view on relationships and appropriate sexual behavior in adult married behavior. I learned to emotionally detach from sex. I learned to over ride the “this shit ain’t right” feeling you get in your chest when you are uncomfortable in a situation. All of these things are what set your boundaries and your very left field view of what kind of attention makes you feel worthwild. This was not your fault and sometimes life has shitty things happen that effect our outlook forever.

So it sure was easy to sleep with boyfriends, I mean you “loved” them, they were always older, sex was something that didn’t come from everybody so with my sexual skills I learned from the pedophiles I was the best gf a 16 year old could have. And bc I could so easily separate sex from emotion (as a conditioned response to molestation) and it was a way to get boys I liked to notice me, I gave it up easily. Not necessarily sex, but sexual acts. It was one way I felt power and control. Boys treated me special on the surface bc I was pretty with tight clothes…but I failed to realize the power was momentary at the cost of respect. Both self respect and respect of everyone else. This was when my first experience with the fuck and run type of dude came in. The first time I cared. After that I didn’t at least I told myself I didn't but This was when I began codependency. They didn’t always fuck and run. I was good at getting boys to stick around for a while. I was a serial dater. I had to have a significant other to feel worth so I had too many boyfriends. Always one on hand one on the backburner. This was you reaching out for real connection, something you felt had been missing both with your parents, your abusers and your random sexual encounters. When I had a bf I was faithful. I know that sounds fucked up bc I just said I had a backburner but I was never sleeping with this other guy. I just friend zoned him knowing he liked me so I could establish my safety net. So one day at 17 Ieft home, went to a house party, hooked up with the guy who’s house it was (Matt) and that was the start of my first adult relationship. I loved him from the bottom of my toes but he often cheated on me and I never left him for it. It was at this time that I severed my relationship with my abusers. I was old enough to at least have an inkling something wasn’t right, plus now I considered it cheating and I didn’t cheat on him. He started selling drugs. We both got into cocaine. It was easy bc I dated the dopeman.

Then he went to prison. I continued the relationship with him but continued to date/sleep with men while he was away. This was when I caught an std and began stripping on weekends. This is still caused by poor boundaries and a skewed idea of sex and power… Set in motion by sexual abuse. By now I had slowed way down on cocaine but had a huge weed and alcohol habit. I worked at a catholic preschool during the week but stripped to pay for my substances on Sat nights. This set off a little bit of the uncomfortable double life feeling but I pushed it down. I also hustled people for substances. Although I never slept with anyone for money or drugs. But I def made them think I might so they would get me high. Never felt bad either bc if your a dude willing to be got you deserved to get hustled…that was my mindset. I also saw stripping as a hustle. Hustle to me means fuck with a lame walk with a limp. I mean if your gonna be thirsty I’ll take your money. This is probably when I acquired my mindset that most dudes were creeps and out to get me. I realize now that by appearing easy I was literally attracting creeps but at the time I enjoyed the attention and the feeling of superiority and has a huge sample of men to confirm my bias.

Every now and then though I got tricked out of my hard exterior and caught feelings. This is my deep emotional need for connection, to feel worth while. This is where I met my daughters father. He was a giant red flag but problem with bad boundaries and emotional regulation is if I liked you I would ignore red flags and become overly obsessed with you. This has continued to be a problem throughout adulthood.

Anyways I dated Tony until He went to prison, then Matt got out of prison until we broke up, then Tony got out of prison and we has Olivia. Then Tony went back to prison and I met Jason, I left Jason when Tony got out of prison but when Tony and I broke up I went back to Jason and we had Leah. Are you seeing the boomerang effect of codependentcy and back burner relationships. One stable relationship was not enough.

I wanted Jason to be different. To be a family but unfortunately Jason turned out to be very abusive mentally, physically and emotionally. He was an alcoholic and a mean one. But for some reason I loved him and let him stomp on me over and over. He took my confidence. He took my pride. He took my soul. I tried to break up with him 30 times he would say no and just wouldn’t leave. I was faithful to him until I moved out into subsidised housing. But even then I didn’t have multiple men just one man that to this day I love. This guy put up with being #2 for 2 years on and off. Maybe he knew I loved him, maybe he knew that I was stuck with Jason, maybe he knew I needed to feel wanted and worthy. During this I felt guilty and shameful. I eventually bought a house and moved Jason in. That is when this other guy got a new gf and left me alone. It was like mourning a breakup that I couldn’t tell anyone. Eventually I legally evicted Jason and this left me with a self worth and connection black hole.

I acted out for a minute on my usual single m.o.. Then an old friend from middle school came in. He was different then others in that he was genuinely nice and cared for my well being. Unfortunately he also came with a huge dose of depression leading to at the time an inability to keep a job or help with housework. But I stayed with him on and off for the next few years bc I loved him for his emotional support and that he made me feel worthy. Plus it was safe. As a woman in her 30s, I am at the point that if I’m in a relationship I don’t cheat or scope out new guys or have a backburner. It kept me emotionally reeled in. But bc of my trust issues, bc of my lack of feeling worthy, bc of my resentment for him watching me struggle, and bc of my need for excitement or passion (see drama) I couldn’t be with him forever. Even after he got better and held a job and helped my brain short circuits and told me that our lack of connection was insurmountable. I broke his heart and he did nothing wrong. I am just still searching for that lasting “in love” connection that I am not sure exists. I harbor huge guilt here. Both for his feelings and for what could be wrong with me that I left what I said I wanted. That maybe my brain will never let me really love. My only empathy here is that I am working on my shit and all I can do is that.

Every time in my adult life when I have been unhappy in a relationship I’ve left instead of fixing. I have searched out attention through suggestive facebook posts or selfies or sexting. I have been emotionally raw towards men. I had a shitty attitude toward relationships. Anytime that I was single or had freedom I either had a fuck buddy that I didn’t feel anything for or sometimes I would make a strong connection and go all in. I would rush it sexually (again not necessarily full sex but messing around for sure) and more times then not I get played. Within 2 weeks after they no longer answer my texts or calls. This is the shit adult shame is built from. How can you be so blind and stupid? Why can’t you be stable and happy? But here is where I need an empathy piece. Your sexuality was already not healthy then Jason stripped you of any self worth. He often told you no one could ever love me bc I was such a low down terrible person, a piece of shit mother, a whore. Six years of that and you begin to believe it. So if a man comes along and sells you a dream of being loveable its hard not to want with all your heart to believe them. And sexuality is my only tool I know for reeling them in. But when things get too serious I start getting scared of being broken or having to work on things that historically haven’t worked or old scars become obsessions.

I am at a point in my life now that I want to change but Tbh I don’t know how. I want to regain respect for myself and I would like to change peoples opinion of me or better yet not care. This has sent me into a major mental health crisis. I want to know how to reel it in and gain respect while still being true to myself. I still yearn for spark, sex and connection but I want to do it healthily. I want to take the emotional polarization and shame out of sex. Instead of not caring at all or being a crazy obsessive smothering weirdo and throwing myself at someone then feeling like an idiot for falling so hard. So maybe dates in public, counting actions over words and putting time in between the spark and the sex.

I am still struggling with what to do about social media. I mean I need to chill on the provocative selfies, attention seeking posts, and entertaining anyone that messages me… but I still like to be noticed. I want to post selfies and I think dirty memes are funny. Anyway this is long. I am still figuring shit out. And I can’t just look at empathy without taking inventory of what I could have done differently. But this post is empathy and it did help take off a small piece of that shame.

(*when I say act out sexually I don't mean I've had hundreds of partners but rather I have been quick to sexually experiment but I have also developed a "stop point". Don't get it too twisted.)

[introvertllux]

Copia (Donald Pierce Fanfic) (Re-uploaded)

Enjoy this first chapter sorry if there are any errors I just sort of wrote this spontaneously! :) (LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO SEE A SECOND CHAPTER)

 Chapter 1: The Start

       My name is Luanna Morgan. I used to just go by Luanna point blank, I never knew my last name I just had assumed I was never given one, I was once asked my Charles Xavier himself, you know… the head of that one fancy boarding school a long time ago. The school for mutants. Yeah, that’s the one. 

       Sorry, I was getting a little ahead of the story there, so anyways as I was saying I never knew anything about my life. I never knew my biological parents; I don’t know if I have any siblings either… the one thing besides my first name that I was sure of is that I was a mutant. Clearly I was dropped off at a school for mutants as a fucking baby but I couldn’t have shown signs that early on, could I? As I grew up I started noticing I was not like other mutants I was different. Now let me explain myself, I felt as if I was a copy. I didn’t have any unique powers of my own. It seemed to me as though I had the same powers as other individual mutants. For example, telepathy and flight like Jean Grey, healing factor like Logan, and shape shifting like Mystique. 

      As a kid all I craved was to have my own original power something no one else had, it was all I’ve ever wanted no toy or car could ever replace my desire to have my own power. I also struggled with my appearance. It was not until I was seven years old that I had discovered “my” shape shifting ability. Like I said before I never knew who my parent were so of course I couldn’t even tell you what they looked like, so that did not help me try and form an appearance I like. I saw that I was born with green eyes, brown skin, thick curly hair, so I left it I didn’t think I was ugly or anything of the sort I was just like any child, nothing less than…curious. Other than that, living with Charles Xavier and all the mutants were great. Until the war broke out.

        Everything was destroyed! So, I did what I thought was right at the time I ran away, I didn’t fight. Years went by and hundreds and hundreds of mutants died. We became extinct. Now, it’s the years 2029 and it’s a rarity to run into a mutant these days. After I ran away, I went all over the states, I stole and even killed to feed, clothe myself. As I reached my late teens and I decided that I wanted to make a life for self-something that didn’t involve stealing or murdering so I decided that I would get a job and go to school. So, I did just that, I majored in nursing. To my surprise it was quite hard for me to find a job. I searched high and low until… one day I was offered this job. It was for this company called Trasigen, I had never applied for then nor have I even heard of them at that time.

          I was just a young twenty-two year-old girl looking for something to pay the bills. So, I said yes. I was told that it was asylum that helps cater to young children with mental illness. I was assured that they would be healthily tested on so that we may find cures for their individual illness and be sent back into the real world to live as average people do. My job was to just feed, talk, and play with them. Although I knew I was much more capable than that I was a nurse for crying out loud. But nonetheless, I still did what I was told. I never did see the child during the afternoons or night at first I did not find it suspicious I just kept my mouth shut the pay was extremely good. However, one morning I checked up on one child his name was Rictor. I love Rictor he was such a sweet, nice, and brave little boy. My curiosity reached its peak that day.

  Whilst I gave him his breakfast I asked him 

“Rictor, where…where do you go when I leave” 

He looked at me hesitantly and began to shake.

 “Rictor?”

 I said as I placed my hand gently on his left shoulder.

  He flinched instantly. “Its okay sweetie you can tell me.” I said trying to reassure him.

 “They…they do bad things to us after you leave miss…bad things. They-they hurt us…”

 He said to me crying. 

I comforted him the best I could because look what they were doing to him to the other kids it was for the best these experiments weren’t to hurt them it was to help.

       But, I needed to know more so I spoke to Zander Rice the head of this whole place. It was not too often you’d see him so I was lucky. I demanded he tell me what he was doing to the children after I left, I even threaten to report him to authorities if he did not tell me the truth! I expected to be fired on the spot but instead he showed me. He told me the truth. The truth shocked me. He told me that those children having a mental illness was nothing more than a cover up. Zander explained to me that in the past the world was not yet ready for mutants to live among them so he comprised this facility of lost mutant children that they had found on their quest for mutants. 

           Zander said his goal is to stabilize their powers so that they can live normally among humans and everyone will be safe. I believed him, but I sure as hell I didn’t tell him I was a mutant for I feared he tried to keep me here too. After our long discussion, he told he that this would be my new work area, the lab department, I was ecstatic a promotion and I had only worked there for six months. 

“Of course Luanna if you are going to working in this department I must introduce you to my right-hand man, Mr. Pierce.”

 He said to me.

 I turned behind me, sensing another presence.  

 “Zander ! I’d say it’s quite rude of you to hid a beauty this great from me.”

 He said to me as he grabbed my left hand and kissed it.

 “I go by Donald, baby.”He said to me.                                                                           

 I was left speechless and to my own thoughts. I felt a shock jolt through my body as soon as his hand touched mine.                                                             

“My name is Luanna.”

 I said blushing lightly.                                           

“Luanna, such a great name for such a beautiful woman.” 

He smiled at me flashing his gold tooth at me.

 “Zander I sure we’ve kept you away from work… allow me to finish up the tour with her.” 

Donald said ad he wrapped his left hand around my waist.

To say I didn’t melt in his grasp would be an understatement. “So eager to whisk me away.” 

I said jokingly to Donald.                                     

“I have to be with Zander hidn’ a beauty like you away from me.”

 He said smiling at me again.  

 “He wasn’t hiding me, maybe I was hiding myself… waiting on a reason to come out.” 

I said as I flirted back just as hard.                                             

“Trust me sweetheart I can be your damn reason.”

 Donald said to me as he pulled my body close.

   He gripped both sides of my hips. I sucked in a deep breath as I just realized that one of his hands feels different from the other. I slowly slid my right hand down to his and felt his right hand. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, I felt his hand and just as I suspected it was not a human hand. It lacked flesh, bones, and muscles everything a human hand had. Could he be a mutant like me? No, I would have sensed it. I opened my eyes and gripped his hand. I looked up at him in a questioning matter.

 “What, this old thang? I had an accident a long time ago after the military, I quit and that’s when I meet Zander he fixed my hand for free. After I quit the military nobody even looked twice at me I was a honorary disgrace to the U.S. no hospitals would fix my hand. Nobody would he me, but Zander did.”

 He said looking at me with said eyes.

     I place my left hand on his cheek, well you’re no disgrace to me.” I said quietly. “Look I’m saying this from the bottom of my heart you are so brave and smart for doing this for these kids you’re helping them have a better like, you’re anything but a disgrace.” 

I said with a soft smile. 

“Thank you, sweetheart.” He said. 

    I looked into his blue eyes and then at his lips I wanted to kiss him. To tell the truth it would be my first one I had done nothing romantic or sexual in my whole entire life. My focus was to survive and those two categories were not options for me. Donald looked at me and then down at my lips. He then leaned down to kiss me, it felt right. He pulled away for a second and looked at me then he continued to kiss me and I kissed him back and we started making out. From there on things got very heated to say the least. 

   The next day I found myself in a bed alone with soft sheets covering my body. Yeah, we fucked but that wasn’t all it meant to me. I lost my firsts to this man, a man I knew for a couple of fucking moments. Maybe that made me a whore in somebody else’s eyes, the hell if I know but I know one thing I have strong feelings for this man and I’m pissed off he left me here. I searched for a clock somewhere in this god forsaken room. I found one handing in the darkest corner of a wall for what I could see it was 8:00 am, great now I have thirty minutes to find out where the hell I am and get to work. I quickly got up and searched the room for my clothes. I found them and put them on, I slipped my shows on and found my way out the door.

     Before I  can closed the door behind me I notice, that the outside of the room was all too familiar. This was the lab. Donald lives in the lab section of the building? I had a bone to pick with Donald so I there this new discovery towards the back of my mind. I had no idea where he worked. I looked all over the lab and I couldn’t find him. I searched and searched until I came upon this door that said ‘RESTRICTED AREA’ in capital letters. 

      I didn’t care, I twisted the door handled and it was looked. I easily picked the lock and walked inside the area. I looked around and noticed a lot of cells and smoke, this place made me feel so uneasy. My sensing was going wild but ignored the for now. I walked further until I was stopped. 

“This is a restricted area, I’m sorry Miss Luanna but I cannot allow you to walk any further.”

 A man with a loaded gun strapped to him said to me, he was built like a military man. 

“I just would like to know if you have seen Donald anywhere, I need to speak with him,” I said kindly to this guard.

 “He is handling something important at, he is out right now.”

 The guard said not looking in my direction.

 I felt his heart rate go up… he was lying to me.

 “I know he is here and I’m not leaving until I speak with him. So, your move.”   I said in a stern voice.

    Seconds later he moved to find Donald. I stayed put not wanting to look around this place any further. I waited a minute until I saw Donald approach me. I knitted my eyebrows together.

 “So you think you can fuck me and leave, great fucking swarming you left me with.”

 I said with anger in my voice. 

“Hey, hey I never once said that.”

 He said putting his hand up in defense. “

You. Actually. Think. I’m. Joking.”

 I said jabbing my finger into his chest with every word.

 “Never said you were darling. I think we should talk about this the room.”

 He said pulling me along with him out of this restricted area. 

    I could not believe this man, hell I couldn’t even believe myself for allowing this man to pull me back to that room. We made it back to his room sooner than I had thought. He slammed the door behind him as I folded my arms underneath my breast. 

“Look sweetheart I know you’re mad at me but there’s no reason.” 

He said walking closer to me.

 “Oh really? Because I can think of a couple go reasons off the top of my fucking head!”

 I yelled at him.

 “Look I didn’t fuck you and leave if that’s what you’re thinkin’ I felt something between us and I don’t want to let that go yet.”

 He said as he pinned me against the wall, the same on with that dangling clock.

 He uncrossed my arms and healed them to both sides of my head. I looked away from him “

Let go of me asshole!”

 I yelled.

 “I’m an honest man baby you think that if I wanted to hurt you I would have done it already. Look at me.”

 I didn’t look at him.

 “Look at me.”

 He repeated softer.

    This time I listen I stared straight in his eyes I felt as if he was telling the truth. He let go of my hands and I left them at my sides. He then placed both of his hands at the sides of my face and leaned down and kissed my forehead. 

“I want this.”

 He told me…and I believed him.

[jstardust]

putting down roots.

They say you can always go home. You can - and I did. After 5 years in LA that looking back seems like 5 decades, with countless adventures, dreams realized, dreams shifted, and friends that are still family - I moved back to Massachusetts.

I didn't drive across the country alone. I drove back with my serious boyfriend of 2.5 years, who's family lives a few hours from mine in CT. A Hollywood love story at it's finest, two kids from New England had to move to the other side of the country to find each other. And it was time to go home.

Matt and I moved home because we missed our families. They are, and always have been, the most important thing in our lives. They're worth the tearful goodbyes and the throwing away of perfectly good clothing because there was zero room left in Matt's Honda Accord. Knowing how happy my parents and sister were to have us a just short drive away was worth all the shitty hotels we stayed in on the freezing cold way home.

Just like that, we were back in the state I grew up in, the place I left not because I had anything to run away from, but because I had a dream that wouldn't quit. Or a few of them, involving endless sunshine, the Pacific Ocean and music. Massachusetts doesn't really have any of this things, except for sun, but only certain times of year. And sometimes when it IS sunny, it's 16 degrees out. But it has my family and my lifelong friends, and now, a new adventure in a very familiar setting.

So why didn't it feel like coming home? Why was I so anxious? At work, at night lying in bed, even around my friends that I grew up with? People who knew me best, who I was used to easily being my utter and total self with. I somehow just couldn't relax with anyone, anywhere.

Something was off.

Physically, my stomach was constantly in discomfort and I never felt 100% "great." I was eating healthily, but eating, and I lost a lot of weight. Looking back, I don't even think I realized that this was all linked to the anxiety of being back east, and working a brand new job in an entirely new industry.

Mentally, my relationships with my friends seemed forced and I just didn't connect with them like I used to. The one person that I felt completely okay and comfortable with was Matt. He was beside me in the last life, and crossed over to this one with me.

I'm not a huge fan of going to the doctor, because I think it's a waste of money and they have never seem to have the answers I'm looking for. But during my power yoga teacher training, when the coaches started talking about chakra healing, in particular, the root chakra, I realized that this was the explanation I was searching for.

I'm currently leading MY students through that chakra journey, so I figured the best way to start this blog is with the first chakra, the foundation of the body and self and a need for life's most basic needs to be met before human beings can find balance, peace and meaningful relationships.

When Deanna explained the root chakra, Muladhara, in that PYTT session, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Just because I moved back to where I was from, it didn't mean that I wasn't uprooting the entirely new life that I had made for myself and plopping down amongst an extremely uncertain future. Keep in mind, that everything I'm saying right now, I did not know or realize at the time. I was just sad and scared and afraid that we had made a mistake.

I knew that I wanted things to get back to normal with my friends, but didn't realize how much it was affecting me. I worked hard and was learning a LOT about radio, but every day was a learning curve and I was constantly surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't know and working a job in radio that really had nothing to do with music. Which at this point, is still what I cared about most.

The past 4+ years of religiously practicing vinyasa yoga has completely changed my life. Maybe it's altered the person that I am, or maybe it's helped peel off layers to reveal the parts of me that I like and subconsciously have always wanted to shine more. Either way, yoga was helping me be more mindful, kinder to myself and others, and to prioritize my life.

I started spending even more time with my family, and put more effort into the friendships that made me feel good about myself. And after almost three years of working in radio, I finally started to believe that maybe I didn't suck at sales.

When you're a baby, your basic needs were met by your mother feeding you and your parents keeping your safe. Now our basic needs involve financial security and a feeling of social belonging. A job is more than a way to pay the bills, which is, in it's own right, stressful enough. It's the way you spend the majority of your week, what you get up early for and what you have to show up for even if you don't want to. It's your livelihood, in the sense that the money you make allows you to live, but also that it's what you are living everyday. So you'd better enjoy it, or at least the people there, or be working towards a place where all of this is the case. Otherwise you're spending the majority of your life doing something that doesn't  make you happy. Being happy and comfortable in your own body is a basic need that if not met, doesn't allow you to fully experience your life. This growing confidence that came from working so hard to learn and practice my new career, started to affect me in every aspect of my life, and I felt my anxiety started to melt away.

We cannot grow and change until we feel safe and secure. And loved.

Just like a tree, root down into yourself; do some digging to see just who that person is. You may be surprised. What makes you happy? Do you incorporate those things into your life enough? Who makes you happy, and brings out the best in you? Who can relate to your passions, and feelings, and ways you view the world? What do you need first, to create a strong foundation and be your true self?

Happiness is not a place. Take a deep breath and go find it.

[sexdoll54456567]

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Even if these dolls are still sold on the market by scammers, being on the other side of the law in such private affairs can lead to permanent embarrassment. But these are just anecdotes, and we share with you as a responsible  Mini Sex Doll retailer. Meet the best TPE love dolls, Japanese  Mini Sex Doll robots to give you life advice. Residents are upset about the interactive doll experience posted near Las Vegas. Part of this work will include specially customized add-ons including anal, vaginal and oral textures. They also work with pubic hair designers, who implant each hair and can handle a variety of patterns, including braids. Love dolls say this work is a great opportunity to create the ideal smart doll robot woman and add all the ingredients to create the perfect face and body.

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They don't need all the gifts, dinner and flowers, all they need is regular cleaning and proper storage. For example, do you like breasts or are you late? This is important because you want a doll that can satisfy all fantasy, not the second best doll. However, in terms of appearance and characteristics, it is not just the reproductive organs. Since silicone  Mini Sex Dolls are customizable, you can choose almost anything. Would you like to fold the real  Mini Sex Doll or six pieces? Muscle or lean? You can also choose specific facial expressions, eye colors, makeup and more. These details may not be the details you are most interested in, but the shape of your body, but why should you miss them if you have a choice?

[drannafrost]

The Proposition of Being Everything: Some Notes on Motherhood

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post, and it all has to do with having a child nearly one year ago. Ever since I had all the labors a woman could endure (including general surgery to fix some damage), I suppose, in a way, I have been mostly surviving. I notice my survival in the way I eat, a la stuffing food in my face. I see it in the way I feel like I must protect my son's sleep—though he is crazy smart, he’s never been a great sleeper unless he is touching me. My survival skills also kicked up a notch when my partner and I briefly separated.

It’s easy to criticize myself though. Society is really successful at telling mothers aren’t enough, and I do a really good job of going along with it. Nevertheless, I am a good mom. In fact, I am a really good mom. To become a single mom for a short time, to be present with my son despite the lack of sleep, and to be healthy despite the severe abdominal pain for the first seven months in addition to having a chronic illness I manage—yes, I am an excellent mother.

So, what is it like to be a mother?

Motherhood is a responsibility 24/7. It’s not a job really—that implies that I’m getting paid for this. Or that I get breaks. Or that I get to set it aside at 5 p.m. every day. Or that I only do it because I have to.

Rather, being a mom is a way of being. My life has adjusted around this little guy. My actions, my purpose, and the meaning I make are prioritized around him. As such, the mental responsibility is perhaps the most difficult burden. I carry the mental load of knowing when and how much to feed, when to change a diaper, when to put him down for a nap, why he is crying, why he isn’t making any noise (that sneaky bugger!), how many clothes to put on him, which activities to do, if the activities are feasible to complete between naps (and if not, will he sleep in the car?), and on and on it goes. Because we bed-share, I am also responsible for him throughout the night.

This is not to say that I can’t do anything for myself. I actually think we can have purposes with dual outcomes, or dual foci. Motherhood is not an either/or proposition.

That said, the first year (years?) is incredibly important and special. This time is incredibly formative. My partner and I are really lucky that we’ve managed on one income. We’d prefer that living on a single income not last forever, but for the time being it’s OK and worth it. In addition, my son is healthily attached to me, and I am not going to regret quitting my job to be with him. The bond between mother and child (or father and child) is too unique; being with him at this age will have implications for the rest of his life.

No doubt, my parenting choices are made, in part, to correct the mistakes of my own parents. As the fourth child smooshed in the middle of six, I wasn’t exactly given a lot of attention. I’ve done many years of reflection (ahem, counseling) on this, and I really believe I walked out of my mother’s vagina and was like, “Welp, I guess I’ll get this one.” I taught myself to read and was always the best student, the best soccer player, the perfect one. Not that I’m absolutely perfect, but I had to be perfect in order to keep the storm from becoming stormier.

As a result, my largest desire for my son is that he would feel things. Big or small, I hope he knows that he is allowed to feel. I also want to be there to help make sense of these feelings, to help him believe he can get through anything.

Presence. Yes, I want my son to come to my partner and me with any question, concern, or thought. If he is thinking about doing drugs? Talk to us. If he has feelings for a girl? Ask us for advice. Interested in a boy? Oh, yes, please come here, child.

I don’t have parents anymore, and have contact with just a few relatives. I never really had parents though. In fact, I call myself a functional orphan. That means that I wandered through the world by myself even though my biological family was in close proximity. I have thought a lot about my experience in relation to others and I would argue that one difference between me and someone who grew up with a family is that I never felt that I could ask questions. In other words, I could never live in uncertainty because I could not trust wiser, more mature people could or would act as a buffer between me and the world. The message was clear that certain experiences and subjects were off limits, first and foremost my feelings. Moreover, questions about life, such as love, loss, friendship, success, and religion, were actively shut down. Because of that, I learned to believe what I was told without question or critical thought.

To counteract this, and I know this sounds ironic, but I walked through life like I knew everything. In fact, I remember that phrase slipping out while chatting with a friend in high school: “I know everything.” Though I was immediately embarrassed, it was an honest statement, too, because I knew everything I needed to know about my life: that due to the abuse and neglect by multiple family members, my whole world was falling into a deep sadness with few options. In fact, I sincerely believed I wouldn’t live past age 30, so what else did I need to learn? I didn’t need to know anything that would help me live a long, productive, happy life.

Consequently, I walked away from a sure-thing career in journalism. (They pursued me in high school!) I pursued a religion that didn’t encourage critical thinking, preferring to give me all the “answers” instead. I pursued men who wouldn’t reciprocate. And maybe the worst part, I kept my emotions to a minimum; usually, it was best to be ignorant about how I felt at all.

If I knew everything about my world, I could protect myself from the scary world that lay beyond the four walls of my house. This is why I barely went out and socialized. My sisters always teased me for not having a curfew...because I never needed one. Even to this day, I don’t like going to too many new things. For instance, I went looking for an engagement ring in the jewelry store and I nearly freaked out. I know nothing about jewelry and think most of it is gaudy and uncomfortable. So this was not the place I wanted to be. Sometimes new places and experiences are too big for me.

I have grown a lot since that fearful girl at age 6, 16, or 26. I have traveled overseas, earned my doctorate, and HAD A BABY. Those are world-enlarging things.

Still, I often catch myself telling myself that it’s much better to know everything and to keep my world small. Because for a short time, it makes me feel safe.

I want my son to feel safe, too. So I let him believe I know everything. Of course, I know that I don’t know everything and someday he will learn that, too. And someday he will learn things I don’t know.

For the time being, though, it is a really good thing for him to come to me and his dad in time of need and want. To him, his dad and I are his whole world. And that’s OK. As he grows, the world will open up to him. That’s why we read books to him, we play different kinds of music (EDM, classical, Raffi), why we take him on outings as often as our budget and time allow, and why we plan to travel internationally with him. His dad will teach him how to build things, and I will teach him how to write and appreciate art. I will teach him how to share, and his dad will teach him how to use his words.

Motherhood is not just being with my son, but also with myself. The work of caretaking a baby—changing diapers, playing with him, feeding him, and so on—pales in comparison to the inadequacies, insecurities, generational trauma memories, and dysfunction that emerge when becoming mother. Often, the work of it all is exhausting on physical, mental, and emotional levels. Sometimes I cry that I can’t go on. Sometimes I speak a harsh word toward my partner because I want him to be better—sometimes I feel guilty because I am not better.

But then I hear my son’s infectious giggle and think, “Everything I need to know is in that laugh. It’s going to be all right.”

[emma-lapish]

New Wine, New Season

The beginning of this year the Lord starting stirring in my heart to “clean house” to make room for a greater capacity.  

While Sam and I were on our trip to Australia and New Zealand in February, God starting showing me the significance of being filled with the things that are life-giving.  Being out of the country forced me to step away from every aspect and area in my life that I was involved in: ministry, leading, work, relationships (other than my marriage), etc.  I was able to “step outside” and get a different perspective of my life.  The Lord began highlighting areas of my life that I was involved in either out of obligation, convenience, logic, comfort, etc.  Through this I realized that there were things that I was doing that were simply “on auto-pilot” because God spoke to me several seasons ago to be involved in it, or in relationship with them, or to work there, or live here.  The Lord asked me about a few of those “things” I was involved in/places I was and quickly my heart was convicted.  When stepping into those most recent seasons, I never asked the Lord whether these areas were to be carried over into my next upcoming season(s).  

I find that oftentimes in life, God will lead us to good things for a specific season to accomplish a specific purpose.  Sometimes we don’t ever question or ask the Lord whether that “good thing” was supposed to be left in that season, or whether it was to be carried over into the next.  

Oswald Chambers states, “Many times mature believers are not tempted to make bad choices, but commit to many good things which prevent them from walking in the best or the ‘one thing’ that the Holy spirit has called us to in a particular season.  The good is always the enemy of the best”.

Whether good or bad, we must evaluate our hearts and our lives for the things God wants us to bring into our next season, just as you would if you were spring cleaning, or preparing to move.

Song of Solomon 2:11 “Look the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone.  The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds (or the season of pruning vines) has come and the cooing turtle dove fills the air”.  

I love the correlation of spring as it is known for the season of pruning vines- “to cut to healthy wood, IF removing dead, diseased, toxic or damaged growth. To remove overly tangled stems and DIRECT it’s growth”  

We must prune, cut off, and entangle what is dead or old, or simply not for this upcoming season.  When we have too many things that we are involved in (if not God directed for that specific season) we can’t properly direct our growth.  Without the pressing/the pruning process, there will be no fruit.  It is absolutely necessary for our growth and to be able to move into a greater capacity.  Pruning promotes health and realigns and prioritizes areas of our lives.  This could include negative things (fear, bitterness, lies from the enemy that you have believed) or the “good” things that may have just been for a prior season (a position, ministry, relationship, etc).  

Testimonies often don’t come from a season of picking off the fruit, but they arise through the process of pain (or grieving of the ‘good’) during the season of pruning.  There, God usually proves Himself as faithful, true, and good.

There are times in life where we metaphorically hoard things.  It may be a lie from the enemy that you have believed and find your identity in and because of the comfort that you find through identifying yourself with it you don’t want to truly let go of it; or it could be that you’re in a truly amazing season with where you are at your job, in your ministry, the place you live, etc and you want to keep everything the way it is.

 [Sometimes we don’t want to let things go because we are afraid that if we let it go we will miss out on some things, but in the process we miss out on the best things]. - paraphrase from “The Best Yes”.

In order for us to receive MORE of what God has for our lives, we must let go and trust that He is true to His word and His promises won’t fail.

If you hold onto that bitterness, those lies, that pain, that position, that relationship, that ministry, it may be taking up your capacity or your time away from God to do something new.  Be obedient to the things God is asking you to let go of and be open to Him giving you new things.

“The trees weren’t designed to face snow before releasing their leaves”- Lysa Terkeurst

If you think about it like moving into a new house, if you are moving from a 1,200 sq ft house to a 1,600 sq ft house, logistically, you can take all of the items from the smaller house and fit it into the bigger house.  However, that limits the availability and congests the space for new things.  Sometimes we have to decide through the leading of God’s voice what things to get rid of even if it places us outside of our comfort zone.  Sometimes it involves sacrifice.  Metaphorically speaking, you may love your current couch. It may be the couch that has had so many good talks, many tears and laughter, overnighters, baby snuggles on, etc, and maybe it’s time for you to let it go so that you can get a new couch for your new house.  Although there is much anticipation and excitement of going to IKEA to pick out the most comfortable and visually appealing couch you can find, you may experience some sadness, a sense of grief.  In life, you may love a certain position, geographical location, the way a relationship is or was or how things are in a season, but may be God asking you to trust Him and lay it on the altar just like Abraham had to with Isaac.  We need to learn to hold our lives and the things in it loosely.  He is the author, the giver, the finisher, and the one who takes away.  

It says in Matthew 16:24-26 MSG “Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?”

This is a message that the Lord has placed on my heart to speak at a small group back in April.  It had been stirring in my heart for months prior and finally the Lord wanted me to release it.  As I was preparing my mini teaching, it ironically was the first time I had heard the song “New Wine” by Hillsong nearing when it was released.  

He is giving you new wine for a new wine skin, a new promise for a new season.

Mark 2:22- “And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”

Small group was on a Wednesday night and the next morning I get a call from our landlord.  Unexpectedly, to say the least, we were told they sold our house to a family friend; and we had 60 days to move out.  The Lord surely has a great sense of humor!  How kind of Him to lay this message on my heart then ask me to “put my money where my mouth is” and walk in trusting Him.  

So many emotions had flooded my heart as I instantly began reflecting on the last 2+ years living at this house.  This house was a home to so many as several people had lived with us and experienced ‘family’ under one roof.  I reflected that this was the first home that Sam and I established as a married couple. It was a home that hosted many birthday parties, bridal showers, small groups, dinners, date nights, shelter, a wedding, and lots of love, laughter and tears.  I was saddened. Later that evening as I was in the shower, the Lord gently whispered, “I have loved this home for you, I have done so much through it in this season, but it’s time to let go. I have more for you”.  Now, it wasn’t this instantaneous occurrence where all of my sad and negative emotions regarding the move had disappeared, but I knew it was something I had to lay on the altar.  

I didn’t realize until recently that I had to grieve this good thing that I am choosing to lay down and trust in God that He is good.  For a while I found myself in an emotional abeyance and I didn’t know why.  Now, I understand that I was disassociating myself with grief and didn’t even realize it.  The 60 days leading up to this, my heart was feeling like I was on a merry-go-round - I was letting things go that I didn’t necessarily want to let go of and had to trust in the Lord.  It doesn’t matter what I can do; it only matters what He can do.  I just need to learn to be a willing and malleable vessel.

I want to stop for just a second to address a lie that I believed—that grieving is a sign of weakness or resistance to where God is leading.  I felt like I couldn’t grieve or feel sad because God was doing a new thing! I felt guilty and ashamed for feeling grief. I was excited for newness, slightly, but I was also very saddened by the thought of moving out of a rich season of ministry and love in and through my home.  With the mindset that grief was the ramification of being disobedient to stepping into a new season, I didn't allow myself to identify the grief that was in my heart.  It wasn’t until I had received a voice memo from one of my dearest friends praying over me and praying over my heart on moving day that I recognized that grief did exist.  The entire time leading up to listening to this voice memo, I didn’t allow myself to feel an ounce of grief.  When people asked, I said that of course I was sad, but I didn't realize I never grieved. As soon as I pressed play, tears flooded my eyes.  I instantly felt God’s presence filling the room, almost feeling like two of my best friends were standing there with Jesus in that room.  With them covering me in prayer, I felt the acceptance of my emotions and grief.  It was finally welcome in my heart.  It was a safe place embodied in the presence where I could grieve with Jesus healthily.  I know that this was God’s perfect timing and a perfect place for me to learn to grieve with Him.  This is key.  Sometimes we need to first identify that grief may be present.  It’s okay to grieve. However, I definitely feel that there is a healthy way to do it.  I am not suggesting that I am an expert at grief. Of course not; but I do know that when you grieve before and in the presence of Jesus, and/or around people who are covering you with prayer and acceptance of your grief, you are grieving in a healthy way.  

Later that evening, while standing in an empty house, Sam and I wrapped in each others arms.  We reflected on our fondest and most cherished memories in our home.  We began worshipping in the presence of Jesus yet again in that house one last time.  We worshipped, cried and embraced the final chapter of being in that house together, with Jesus at the center.

Little did I know, me getting a phone call from my landlord was only the beginning.  This faith walk of placing several areas of my life on the altar has resulted in me stepping down from different ministry positions, resigning my job, moving what will be three times, and letting go of a lot of ‘good things’ in my life all within less than a month.  I’ve had to learn to hold several things: people, expectations, stability, desires, comforts, and relationships loosely to let God do with them what He pleases.  This has and continues to be a journey of trusting Him with everything in me.  I truly thought before all this started that I trusted the Lord with everything, but little did I know, like everything else in life— there are always layers.  Can I get an amen!?!

With all this being said, the ‘new wine’ in our new season has led us to embarking on a three + month journey to Alaska to travel and to work.  I am so excited to announce that I have FINALLY  been administered my professional license number for the state of Alaska and should be getting the board stamp in the next week!

So many emotions have been rampant these last 6 months as a roller coaster between: sadness, fear, joy, excitement, anticipation, grief, doubt, nostalgia, and unknown.  One thing, however, remains constant.  Through every thought, every doubt, every fear, I confidently arrive at the same outcome every time: He is always faithful and always good. I trust that He has held my life in the palm of His hand thus far, so why would He stop now?

Some of you may find yourself in a season of moving forward and having to place dreams, desires, comfort, and security on the altar.  You have permission to grieve those things.  Just because God is calling you to let them go, doesn’t change the difficulty or the pain of the sacrifice.  The Lord isn’t judging you.  People around you aren’t judging you if you feel the grief of giving up something that was/is great.  The key is to grieve and allow the Lord to instill peace in your heart through trusting His goodness and His faithfulness.

I want to encourage you as I feel that many people are in a season of transition.  Whether it be out with old things, good or bad, know that regardless of what happens or where you end up, God’s got you.  I can testify, first hand, that He knows exactly what you need, the perfect timing to release it, and the exact moment for you to perceive it.  

Remind yourself through every season to take time to re-evaluate things that the Lord wants you to carry into the next season and to be aware of the things He may be asking you to lay down.  Just because something is good does not necessarily mean that it’s for this exact season.

It’s ok and healthy to properly grieve.  Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and speak life to you during this time, but who will also help you to move on into freedom as you embrace your next season.    

And finally, be confident in knowing that God surely is who He says He is: GOOD.  

Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

“New Wine” lyrics by Hillsong (Brooke Ligertwood)

VERSE 1:

In the crushing

In the pressing

You are making new wine

In the soil I now surrender

You are breaking new ground

PRE-CHORUS:

So I yield to You and to Your careful hand

When I trust You I don’t need to understand

CHORUS:

Make me Your vessel

Make me an offering

Make me whatever You want me to be

I came here with nothing

But all You have given me

Jesus bring new wine out of me

VERSE 2:

In the crushing

In the pressing

You are making new wine

In the soil I now surrender

You are breaking new ground

VERSE TAG:

You are breaking new ground

BRIDGE:

Where there is new wine

There is new power

There is new freedom

The Kingdom is here

I lay down my old flames

To carry Your new fire today