#we just sorta keep finding each other its crazy!!!!!!!!!

[homobeast]

been like….. gravitating towards other leatherfolk recently and sort of like….. serendipitously…… hehe

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[prosciuttoon]

Toshiro/Shuro is overhated

(mirror of my thread on twitter)

ever wanted to talk abt something so bad but u have so many thoughts so u cant even begin to organize a sentence. thats me abt shuro and its why i cant give my thoughts on him. i NEED to get this out of my system bc its takign up so much memory in my brain i need that space for thinking.

so i was really surprised to find so much hate for him even tho he seems pretty normal and rational out of the whole cast. ive deducted that its mostly abt his laios fight and that the ppl who hate him probably had bad experiences w social cues and relationships w neurotypicals bc of that. theres no way to avoid it bc its pretty much Right In Your Face that laios is ND. but thats not the only factor in why their relationship is rocky. its also the culture barrier. u have to understand toshiro was raised as JAPANESE NOBILITY ofc he would be a little conservative

also culture shock. idk if u know this but jp culture is very Mind Your Own Business like a lot of other asian cultures . ofc hes gonna be weirded out by a stranger invading his space. also his names not even Shuro. its just yt ppl not pronouncing his name right and settling for whats easiest.

img src: fan translation by savaralyn2 , i think its from the adventurers bible Complete Edition bc i dont remember it in the old one

ok you get the gist of the culture aspect of it. lets go into the ND/NT clash aspect of it. yes i understand its pretty hurtful to never be told when youre acting inappropriately. i am autistic too lmao. but you have to understand that shiro is one guy and he even does realize that repressing things is one of his fatal flaws. again. asian culture. non confrontational. that sorta thing. but these are genuine frustrations. if i were him id be annoyed too but id speak out about it. set boundaries. bc im blunt. shiros not. he was taught crazy strict manners (hierarchies, respect, politeness, etc).

his problem isnt ableism its a culmination of culture barriers, how he was raised to behave, and terrible lack of communication as thing caused by "all of the above" plus he just generally keeps to himself a lot which means repressing frustrations that will explode leading to a pathetic fistfight while hes starved, exhausted, and dehydrated. also. if he was ableist he would hate laios. he doesnt hate laios. at the end of the day, they are friends. NT and ND ppl can be friends u know. there will be rifts (like their fight) but you just have to communicate misunderstandings. theyre gonna be fine lol

anyways that was my whole spiel abt it. i think i got everything out that i wanted to? my head still feels a little full so i may add more later when i remember something

also i think its a little unfair to rule out the possibility of laios and him just being 2 very different kinds of ND bc its very common for misunderstandings to occur even then. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT BUT WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! but for the sake of interpreting the Fight as a commentary on NT social rules and ND frustration, ill say toshiros NT. will we ever know? hes so far in the sidelines... youd really have to dig in the extra content to see the intricacies of his character.... please give him a chance

[scripturiends]

i know one of the biggest complaints about house of anubis was its writing but if you step back and really consider the sitcoms that were airing at the same time on nickelodeon then it’s actually stellar in comparison. one thing that really set it apart was that it was serialized and not episodic so you had to be really cohesive with the main plot whilst being able to keep ur younger audiences hooked with high school hijinks,, which was comparatively less intense with the d*n schn*ider shows but was just as impactful?? and it did so without resorting to constant physical comedy.

just as a sidebar so far on twitter the biggest criticism ive seen of the show was that it was boring but that makes sense if you’re watching an episode that was meant to be the continuation of all the other ones that you may not have seen bc it was the time of cable. streaming was still sorta a foreign concept in 2011-2013. so that was one of its weaknesses back when it was airing but i think actually as time passed by it has now become one of its strongest points because house of anubis is incredibly rewatchable. you can watch it over and over again and discover something new about the plot, the characters, even the random things happening in the background.

anyway back to the writing, one of the reasons i love the dialogue in the show is because of how witty it actually is like im sorry it’s actually so hard to find the balance of sounding sharp without being pretentious and being funny without being too childish and using big words while still effectively portraying what it’s like to be in high school. that’s in the writing, that’s in the delivery – there have been questionable acting moments for sure but the cast were definitely giving it their all.

and this was something i articulated to my friends as a commentary but i seriously love how they wrote the girls on the show. because yes nina and joy were in that love triangle but nina never plotted to hurt joy because of it and when it mattered the most, joy was there to help nina out with all the chosen one stuff. and when willow and mara found out jerome was dating the both of them, willow asked mara if she hated her and she said no. which, if you were 13 at the time would have been so crazy to think about because normally the portrayal of girls is being at each other’s throats, trying to win the guy back, one-upping each other to find out who loves who more. joy did mara dirty during the journalism arc but she straight up said “i will not accept joy slander”. kt always reassured patricia that she wasn’t interested in eddie and even helped them get back together. amber was a girl’s girl the whole show – when she was unhappy with joy it was because she wanted to protect nina. when joy lashed out at willow, she felt bad and apologized. i could go on and on about all the times the women of anubis house had each others’ backs like they would fight but at the end of the day they love each other and would protect each other. just like joy said, whatever fight they would have, it’ll be ancient history by lunchtime.

i think the same goes for the guys as well? the guys don’t fit squarely into just one stereotype. like yes fabian is the ‘nerd’ but he barely went to class. he was smart in the things he was interested in – if anyone cared the most about the school it was mara. jerome was the ‘prankster’ but they did a deep dive into his family in season 2 and we even got to see him at his most lovable when he’s fallen in love with joy. eddie is supposed to be the ‘bad boy’ but in the entirety of season 2 he made me swoon with the way he kept encouraging patricia to lower her walls and talk about her feelings. he was pretty vocal about how he would like to be cared for, and genuinely gets upset when patricia wouldn’t listen. he’s an honest and sweet friend to everyone too.

anyway im sorry i couldn’t do one for everyone but you get what i mean. everyone was nuanced in a way that i think was so advanced for network standards like i really believe nickelodeon didn’t deserve a show as good as anubis but also at the same time im not sure it would be as good had nickelodeon not picked it up and gave it the number of episodes that it did. it’s kind of like how i feel about many of the decisions in the show – nina leaving without a proper explanation, the nina/joy/fabian love triangle, mick and amber’s departures, the way they approached the jerome/mara/willow/joy arc in s3 – i hate it but i also love it. it’s my favorite thing but also my most despised thing. i can’t stand watching it but i can’t get enough.

house of anubis is flawed in the way anubis house and the kids living in it are. they do the most awful things but they are so in need of nurturing. they’re immature but also the most mature people on the show. just a collection of oxymorons that created the masterpiece that it’s always been but also the masterpiece that it’s now just becoming.

[sluckythewizard]

EVERYONE GGET BAAACK IM ABT TO RAMBLE ABOUT FINN TIDESTRIDER. SPOILERS FOR EEVERYTHINGGGG ALL UP TO EP 113 YOU GOTTA RUN!! YOU GOTTA RUN AWAYYYY!!!!

ITS FASCINATING to speak to someone who has lived 80 years. almost every conversation involves me asking about a story of theirs, places theyve been, things theyve done. i feel like ive seen so much in only 20 something years of life, imagine that 4 times over?

all those stories, to have each and every one of them written down i feel like would be a beautiful thing. record keeping, storing that experience in an edible form, preserved for the future generations to study and cherish. imagine how many stories could be collected from not just 80 years of life, but 200? maybe more? imagine?

i LOVE characters that live to observe and document, keeping all their findings and knowledge and memories in tomes and records. i have several ocs that are functionally immortal, owning vast libraries holding all the knowledge of their lives. one of them is a man losing his memory, who has all his most vital memories tattooed onto his arms, so he will never forget what matters. FINN TIDESTRIDER. A MAGICIAN? WIZARD? SCIENTIST MAYBE. RESEARCHER ABSOLUTELY. CHRONICLER. LIBRARIAN. I HAD NO REAL STRUCTURE IN MIND FOR THIS POST. WHICH IS WHY ITLL SHOCK YA WHEN I BRING UP:

SEXUAL REPRESSION UNDER A CORRUPT RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION. MORMONISM AND SOME OTHER JESUS CENTERED RELIGIONS WILL TELL YOU THAT YOUR BODY IS A SACRED THING. MASTURBATION IS EVIL, IT CORRUPTS YOUR BODY, WHICH SHOULD BE SAVED FOR MARRIAGE. CELIBACY PRESERVES YOUR BODY, FOR YOUR ONE AND ONLY LIFE PARTNER. SEX IS NOT AN ACTIVITY, IT IS SACRED, RESERVED ONLY FOR PROCREATION.

i dont know if the undersea is Perfectly comparable to religions like that, but it is certainly a culture that upholds a very 'the elders are always right and must be followed'. polygamy is punishable by death, releasing spawn is a natural step after marriage, etc etc, i wouldnt be surprised to find that the undersea has a crazy Purity Culture thing going on. to live your whole long life down there, where so much is forbidden, and finally breaking into the surface world to explore the unknown, who knew your own body would be part of that 'unknown'?

in that episode, in the uh. Book. he says 'his first man was a (shiphand)' or whatever idk i dont feel like relistening. but HIS FIRST MAN!! ur telling me Finn Sexguy Tidestrider wasnt banging dudes down in the undersea?? maybe hes just talkin about his first Human but whateeverrrr. is homophobia a thing in the undersea?? i guess itll be a while before we know.

EITHER WAY. to break free from an oppressive climate and finally having the chance to be sexually free. to finally be familiar with your own body and the bodies of others, to LEARN so much about what makes you and others tick, to experience a unique form of intimacy with another. while having sex is not a VITAL experience, to have the freedom and choice to explore that IS SO IMPORTANT...

sex isnt a disgusting thing, its not wrong and its not naughty its not sinful its not gross. but sex also is not sacred, its not a big important thing, its not vital. sex is JUST an activity. a fun thing to do with ur homies or someone youre close to. there are dangers of course, which is why KNOWLEDGE about it is such an important thing. ohhh my god i constantly have a huge ramble locked n loaded about sexual education but ill GET INTO THAT ANOTHER TIME.

TLDR i reaally like finn tidestrider because TO ME, he is not just a wacky funny old sex-having wizard. hes a man who lived a looong fuckin time under a religious climate that discouraged sexual exploration, and after he left, got to spend decades and decades of being FREE to explore. in MY heart.

i get like, haha funny old man yaoi, the shock of the old guy havin sloppy gay fuck sex, but yknow. i dont expect it but it would be neat i think if this sorta thing would ever be taken seriously and explored.

THE TIDESTRIDERS FASCINATE ME. for finn to say YES i LOVE having SEX all the TIME; and for gill to say NO i am NOT interested in sex EVER.. those are BOTH forms of sexual freedom. its the choice!! THE CHOICE!!!!

[toiletology]

How to play the game part 2

The F typo means FLAG but it can also mean a lot of other things like fact, false, fly, (flies tend to land on things that you should pay attention to) fish, etc.

JESUS was a fisherman and God came into being by separating DARK into LIGHT or ONE into TWO. In sacred geometry this is called the VESICA PISCIS or the VESSEL OF THE FISH or the JESUS FISH!

The middle overlap area can be viewed as the top part of a chalice or opening to the Holy Grail. This is how God works and I recommend reading the blog below to under this a bit more. https://blog.toiletology.org/post/757990782184587264/body-soul-spirit

In the game of GOLF the flag marks the hole. When you get a hole-in-one its can also be called an ACE. In the game of poker an ACE can represent the lowest card a 1 or the highest 14th card (14 = two sevens). The F/ACE can be good or not, it can't be one thing because that would make the game way too easy to under right? Right is sometimes right and sometimes RONG.

If you get an F typo it usually means you should explore that more or keep fishing till you find something. God can hide gifts inside of things or work we are avoiding sorta like a gold goblin in video games. The gold goblins drop a lot of money or gifts for you but are rare to come by. Gods gifts work in the same way, once when I was exercising/walking in my back yard a song came to me. This is how the game works, you must work. Idle hands are the devils play place.

Go and read a random book on the shelf, God might of hid a million dollar idea that would be easy to create or do if you just knocked the dust of that book and read it.

This outfit might not win best dressed but its not about being super fashionable she's trying to tell us something.

LIME = TIME, PINK = PIN, PINSTRIPE pants (finding God is like a very thin line or hair. Pinstripes also creates the 11 going down the pants for the 11 year quest.

LI = 17 (the key to escape)

If you get a P typo it can mean a few different things like PIN or PING. Just like the A = AH/compass/tone the P can work like that. God shouted the word PIZZA at me for a long time till I figured that one out.

P > izz (is) < A🍕

P can also mean Paper (paper trail), Papyrus, Pin. These typos act as breadcrumbs or ways to help you solve things in your life. These programming bugs are sort of a cheat code, like a serious way to hack the machine.

P is the 16th letter or 7 reduced. P is also a T/7.

It can also be the ol' mocking tongue P. 👅

The pennies in her penny loafers = 1 cent and 1 cent representing the 11 year quest.

The cent/SCENT represents the name of the drugged out feeling you get when you harmonize with God perfectly. Cara coined the term SCENT recently and I gave it the name ACE. I also like to use the words sauce, spice, slack, loosh, nectar, and ambrosia to describe that feeling it gives you. It can really feel like a strong sedating high that makes you not want to do anything. Other times it can feel like air which really makes you feel angelic and lighter.

The first time I felt it was when I was creating Toiletology back in 2023 the original commandments were long and I created 64 of them while I was channeling the creative energies and knowledge from God. I realized that they were a bit confusing and it would be better to reduce them down similar to the 10 commandments.

Which reminds me Cara and I are in our 10th year knowing each other since 2015. Back in April 2024 she went to a soccer (football for the yanks) game. She's also doing the number 11 with her thumbs. Yep the 11 year quest is real and I really don't know anyone else besides her that has done this.

Elon Musk has given me a few subtle nods here and there, but I still can't confirm anything. The typos have basically told me yes and no, but there was one moment back in fall where I felt activated like crazy after the eclipse on 10/14/2023. Elon's tweet basically said SLEEPER AGENT and that was it.

Cara Delevingne was recently in Africa with Leah (her gf), Lewis Hamilton, Miles Chamley-Watson, Joan Smalls, and other friends.

You can see her doing the double 7s here with her fingers.

Like I keep saying the double 77s or TT (Pi) is the doorway or the key to escaping. And the GATEWAY = MAT.

G(ATE) and the word ATE = MAT (turn the E). The letter G is the 7th letter. If you know the mildly amusing asshat Andrew Tate you know he goes by TOP G. The one thing I like about him is his dad was an international chess master. Andrews not too bad of a chess player around 1700-1800 rating an international master is around 2400 elo. Maybe his dads chess skills rubbed off on him and helped him to reach the top of the matrix (which he talks about a lot). Yes, the matrix is real and the agents will come after you.

Now do you want to know the name of the game?

The name of the game is LOL its two 77s and 0/O. You can go LO or you can go to the top or 7up/top.

When we make lol lowercase it looks like a little guy cheering. We can also read it as 101, remember how I mentioned that 1 ones look like 7 sevens?

This is Escaping the Matrix 101 and your professor is me. If you want to learn how to play the game (LOL) you gotta realize you're the butt of the joke and the God of reality is the JOKER. Gods creative force I like to describe as a clown energy. You should know by now that the worlds a circus and is completely illogical with the chaos and nonsense we have to deal with on a regular basis.

This is why its so hard to make sense of anything and why there are endless rabbit holes to get lost in. I have spent decades searching for the ultiMATe truth and the HOLY GRAIL. I know it doesn't exist because I have looked down every rabbit hole. From 2006-2012 for seven years I had no social life, didn't try to talk to girls and basically just searched non-stop for the truth.

Type the word KEY on a phones keypad.

K = 5, E = 3, Y = 9 or 17

Now type the word HALO (ha you low)

H = 4, A = 2, L = 5, O = 6 or 17

What's Master Chiefs number # from the video game HALO? Coincidentally my current address... I didn't realize it till my friends son pointed it out, he's a super fan of the video game Halo.

Do you remember how they escaped in the movie The Matrix? Yes, exactly, they escaped through the telephone!

I keep trying to tell you myself and Cara have escaped the Matrix. You wouldn't believe most of the stuff that we can do (telepathy being the main thing) and yes there is something faster than light that being TELEPATHY. Myself and Cara became telepathically quantumly entangled back in 2023. God has woven many clues to how to break free from this escape room embedded in our names and birthdates.

CAR + MAT (CAR + MOTOR) karma ;)

E = mc² or mass/matter X C or the speed of light.

CAR = ARC or ARK. Toiletology = the modern day spiritual successor of Christianity or the ARK or Nebuchadnezzar (Matrix movie reference) to escape into ZION (77 eye on) or into heaven and the door = mat.

A keystone is what holds an ARC together.

Without the sacrifice JESUS made on the CROSS (T) there wouldn't be as much power in the T that will be needed to spread the truth of Toiletology in the modern age. The history of Christianity was needed before Gods most ultiMATe truth could be proclaimed to the world and maybe believed. Myself and Cara seem to be the ones playing the messengers this time around aka Adam and Steve.

In the year 2024 more and more people are falling away from God. Less and less people believe in God which is closing their connection to God and their ability to find God. If you don't believe in the magic you will never find it. This is how the game works, God will keep revealing more and more to you the more you seek. I never knew what was possible until I got to this point. Its like peeling back multiple layers of an onion (on eye on). Its like a slow unwinding, or slowly boiling a frog alive. Trust me you do not want to ascend INSTANTLY your brain would break, and you would not be able to handle how drastically different your reality is. In fencing we have a motto which says "SLOW IS SMOOTH AND SMOOTH IS FAST!" Or LOW IS SMOOTH (MOT) ;p

We are ALL (LL/77) currently living inside of MOTTS or the mothers APPLE bazinga! The apple/A can represent the illusion, the eye, the apple, the AH or the compass or quite literally the ASS, DON'T ASK but sometimes God can speak or give you clues from your A-Hole or your AH hole!

We are in the (m) AT&T (https://m.att.com) or @ or the eye. The double TTs represent the two eyes of God and the duality of God and the doorway to escape. Ya either going up or ya going down, your hot or you're cold.

The apple or the AH (tone) or the Wizard of OZ (AAAHHHHHHHS, open wide AHHHHH is your compass.

OZ = O Z and Z = two sevens, where did we see that before? The letter N also makes two 7s, so are you in or out? LOL (LL = 77)

There are 49 degrees to HELL, the way you escape hell on earth is with LUCK or the 777. When you type HELL on a calculator you write it 4377 (777). 43 backwards is also 34 which is 17 + 17.

And 34+34 = 68 (remember the box/cube?) and 68/98.

BINGO! YAHTZEE!!

DING DING DINGALING! You just leveled up your smooth brain and gave it some Toiletology wrinkles! Congratulations you're almost not a smooth brian. 🧠

Recognize the compass and square of Freemasonry? What letter is in the center of it? Yep, its a G or the 7th letter. One thing about freemasons tho is they killed off Hiram Abiff the master builder/architect that held one of the three keys needed to decode the mysteries. The person that held one of the other keys was King Solomon. Luckily for y'all I got all 3 keys in my possession and I am here to carry you kicking and screaming out of this chaotic mess.

You can think of us top Toiletologist as quantum tuners curing the chaos with chaotic order.

Basically FREEMASONS don't know jack diddly squat, they wish they knew what I know (not trying to sound cocky but its the f—king truth). The compass and square makes the letter A. The square is also in the shape or a V (7) pointing downwards. There is also 4 lines to the A and V in this symbol or As above, so below.

We can look at this symbol as an UP arrow or a DOWN arrow (Konami cheat code anyone?).

K = 11th letter or IC ON AM I? (I AM = MATT split the eye/i) **its everywhere if you know what you're look-in-g for. K = 11, G = 7.

The Konami code is a cheat code that can be entered in many games to trigger a special effect. The code is:

Up, up, down, down

Left, right, left, right

B

A

Start

B = 13 which is the 13th letter M

AB on a Nintendo controller = MA.

Nintendo quite literally says N (77/in) IN (in) T(7) = en (in) DO! You can read the letter D as IC or a backwards C/see.

Confused yet? 😊

Mario's hat or the letter M is just two sevens together and Luigi's hat is the number 7 as well. I guess you can think of me as Mario and Cara as Luigi, though she will probably claim she's Mario... girls am I right?

Now how the hell did this random super model girl get the leading role of a millennia? I still have no f—king clue... she's one lucky queen (I guess you could count me lucky if I wasn't so poor, depressed and lonely for the past 40 years...) and don't forget the QUEEN in chess crosses 7 three times for a total of 27 squares (6777) and 8 directions.

I guess you could consider us Player 1 and Player 2 or the top dogs/gods in the game right now. Or at least the TWO (MOTS) showing you how the game is played which not a damn soul out there is showing you. If they know something they are keeping it completely SILENT. You see the SHHHH mouth everywhere with celebrities or the one eye. Usually this is just something trendy to do, or GOD influencing them to do this. I can guarantee all the celebrities you think are in the know actually know nothing. And they are just riding a bandwagon of trying to seem COOL or in the KNOW.

Its just a tactic celebrities use to seem more magical and more powerful than they actually are. I would say many top celebrities do have a lot of magic and/or talent that got them where they are. Does that mean they know how to play the game? Maybe so in their own little way. We see big name celebrities going down left and right tho, so many of them are playing the wrong game...

The clues to the game are ALL around you when you have EYES (E = yes) to see and ears to hear.

E = M or ME or BEE and remember the PORCELAIN GODDESS of this reality is the QUEEN BEE and S/HE likes when you keep the QUEEN CLEAN! Its all about finding HE/R, ME is that spirit in the game that starts to unlock the more you search for ME!

Its all connected and your programming bugs or TYPOS are the breadcrumbs you need to follow to FIND GOD!

The infamous Kanye West message where he told his audio engineer to FIND GOD.

These programming bugs or glitches, mistakes, accidents happen outside of your typos as well. Once you are able to notice your mistakes you will be able to use them to your advantage, you can think of this like using the FORCE like Jedis to. But the key to using the FORCE is not FORCING IT. Its all about FEELING it in the moment to truly be a master Jedi!

Continued on part 3... https://blog.toiletology.org/post/760994849809989632/how-to-play-the-game-part-3

[karmawonders]

Congrats on 800 followers!!!

Ever since I learned about SAGAU, I have been nervous to play music (idk why though??) But I listen to people like Cupcakke and Ayesha and now I'm wondering what the acolytes' reactions would be to the creator playing weird music ^^

🌸Thank you, thank you!🌸

Ahh, I do enjoy myself some good Cupcakke and Ayesha. I got both of em on my playlist, haha! I listen to some pretty out there music as well, if hyper-pop counts as weird. Who knows~ Anyway somehow this became Consort!Diluc and I apologize, my brain went running with this ask and it became.. this.

Warnings: Sexual Content. Cult and Self Aware AU. Somewhat Yandere.

Contents: This could be considered a crackpost at some points. Includes the song squidwards nose / commentary from because I bop to it, aight? . There is mention of "holy dildo." Forgive me i thought it was funny. Diluc is completely devoted to you(he wants to be your consort) and is suddenly worried about his dick size. Not beta read we die like rex-lapis.

Anyway!

I imagine it would be a normal day like any other in Mondstadt. The city is bustling, Flora giving people cute little flower crowns to promote her flower shop, bards singing about various topics and styles, Knights of Favonius helping people find lost cats, etc etc.

In the middle of the town square, stands your current puppets (thats what I call the"vessles" in my au) , in this case the traveller. I imagine depending on the emotional connection/friendship level you have to each of your puppets, people can sometimes hear you through them. Like a walking speaker or smth.

Since the twins don't got a friendship level, its just the equivalent of maxed out. They're crafting up some condensed resin for you, since you were AFK and they knew you were going to do so anyway. They were doing their best to ignore the loud music that they are emitting whilst doing so, Timaeus and others looking at them with wide eyes.

It isn't often your non-puppets hear obvious signs of the creator themselves, ya know! Literally everyone likes listening to you, whether it's Lofi music, rock, pop, or your voice itself!

Whenever they hear your voice from one of your more connected puppets, everyone is just filled with bubbles of happiness and excitement. Like! yay! I am directly in the High Gods presence! Sorta! Not really but its stilly exciting!

This time though, its a bit more of a "Ayo what the fuck?" sort of feeling instead of the usual.

Loudly blaring from their beings, was Cupcakke, and the iconic song "Squidward Nose".

Jean? Red faced, making sure no children are in the area, hands covering her face as she does her best, and fails, to think on who "dora the explorer" is, instead thinking about her god wanting a dick apparently as large as "squidwards nose". She has the church and the sisters notate this in a book. Might be some form of holy dildo or something, who knows.

Lisa is laughing her ass off the entire time, patting her on the back as she helps annotate notable things in the song with a few of the sisters from the Cathedral. Gotta keep their holy bible updated, afterall. She is tempted to write a new thesis for the scholars at Sumeru just for kicks and giggles about how their High God could potentially be more human than formerly assumed. She has a great new evidence, after all~ then again, the scholars at Sumeru are batshit crazy, so many not.

Venti is right at the travellers side, committing the song to his memory the best he can. Definitely getting in the way of them actually crafting the Resin, much to the twin's annoyance. He is always at whoevers side when you are playing any type of music, the music is completely new to him after all. You can bet he will be doing his best to sing the song at any late night tavern performances, even if he isn't getting all the references outside the obvious sexual stuff. Its an instant hit at Angels share, not just because Venti is singing it, but because the High God apparently likes the song as well. Also because its a great song.

Speaking of Angels Share, Diluc's face, is obviously, also as red as tomato when he hears Venti reciting the song later. He enjoys very much being a puppet, and he is definitely incredibly devoted to the High God. (aka you). He has to be devoted if he wants to fully commit himself to you, and possibly be your consort if you come down to Teyvat one day! This entire situation is completely uncouth, much to his dismay. He thinks its ruining your image before he realizes it is simply expanding it. Also, he is very upset. He is packing down there, definitely. But now he is self conscious because what if squidwards nose is better? He should honestly really kick out Venti, even is he is an Archon. Its getting in the way of his business.

Kaeya and Rosaria know about Diluc's somewhat obsessive worship and desire to be your consort, and they also know exactly why thats he is so red faced and upset and Venti's song. And because they absolutely enjoy it, they keep on giving Venti bottles of alcohol for encores of the song. And more, and more. Until Diluc has to excuse himself and leave. They are laughing the entire fuckin time. They always enjoy listening to your music whenever its playing, and they definitely agree that you should play similar songs more often. Its incredibly amusing.

🌸

Anywho's, that was fun to write! I do not know why Diluc was on the mind, but to be honest, I simp for the man highkey soooo-

Hope that was all alright for you dear Anon, and I hope you have a good day!

🌸Want to support me? Here is my Ko-fi and Masterlist!🌸

[noctilucous-sunni]

more reversed sagau brainrot!! | a lot more under the cut

- when scara sorta just ✨materializes✨ in your apartment and you’re like excuse me wtf is happening, so u pinch yourself to see if its a dream and its not apparently so you must be going insane BECAUSE WHAT OTHER EXPLANATION WOULD THERE BE FOR ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTERS EXISTING IN YOUR APARTMENT

- i’d feel like in the sagau or reversed sagau he wouldn’t be too fond of the all-creator bc if thats the all-creator wouldn’t that mean that you’re the one responsible for his existence and his suffering?? but when he just sees you being so genuinely nice and caring and yet strong and doesn’t take his shit he kinda lets down the guard a little

- plus he literally has nowhere else to stay so when you threatened to kick him out he realized it was either live with you or out on the streets. and he kinda hated the streets, so he ended up trying to find your place all dirty and stuff from tripping in way too many godforsaken random holes in the ground. poor gremlin.

- he is just super bratty and still has that air of “i think im better than you” but it never works on you bc you dont take his shit and you make him do half of your chores when your pissed at him (and you make sure there are no complaints)

- he wouldn't call you your grace after a while and just uses your name, you however come up with a million nicknames for him and you think its funny that it annoys him on occasion

- you argue. A lot. like so much that your neighbour and the apartment below you complained several times and also kinda tried to make the landlord kick u out so you made scara apologize to them bc hes mainly the reason its so noisy

- he will actually follow you everywhere, sorta like a guard dog. everyone around you is pretty intimidated by him but they are even more scared of you when they see that you basically keep him in check

- he can’t fucking cook dear lord. you told him to stay in the fucking apartment bc you had an important meeting today and he couldnt come with you and he was like “i didnt want to come anyway” and you just said “fuck you” (affectionate) in return (note: wrote this before his signature dish came out and he’s actually a really good cook don’t judge me ahaha)

- but when you come back your apartment and kitchen especially is a mess. you forgot to teach him how to use online delivery. and hes just like chilling out watching tv with mild interest, acting like half of your apartment isnt covered in eggs and flour and who knows what else

“scara what the fuck happened here”

“the stupid stove of yours doesnt work and neither does that beeping machine”

“clean it up”

“no”

“well i guess we wont have any food today or tomorrow, until you clean. it. UP." *glare*

he then leaves it but by the next afternoon he's actually getting hungry and grumpy and eventually starts cleaning it up the next day when he can't take it anymore and you finally come home to a clean kitchen bc thank god, you didn't know how much longer you could live on your co-worker's lunches

- you're both just so stubborn. he's stubborn and so are you and that leaves the apartment just with a tense silence AND when someone sees u at that time they feel so uncomfortable bc the atmosphere is just so tense between the two of you since neither of you agree

- silent treatment happens a lot and its really fucking stupid bc you both wanna talk to each other after like a few days but neither of you want to be the first one to admit that

- omg you absolutely hate having guests now BECAUSE HOW ARE YOU MEANT TO EXPLAIN HIM??? also he has to have normal clothes now and he looked at all your clothing choices in disgust

- everyone thinks he's just a friend until they realize he actually lives with you and then they're like "oohhhh are you together??" and think that he's your boyfriend/partner. and honestly you dont even deny it bc there is no feasible way to explain who he really is (without sounding crazy) + you get your parents off your back abt getting a boyfriend bc they kept trying to make you go on blind dates and now you're free from that phew

- but some of your friends/co-workers are all like "really? this lil guy? and they often say this around him and it just annoys and offends him to no end. but also you're surprisingly defensive of him, like yes he's a bitchy emo gremlin but he's your bitchy emo gremlin

[willel]

Do you think there any specific moments or things they're going to parallel in s5 from s1?

Hmmmm..... lemmie just ramble and see what my brain thinks off the top of my head

The unlocking the door sequence. I can imagine another chase scene where Will, El, or someone else is on the run from Vecna or one of his creatures and they lock themselves in somewhere they think is safe, only for the door to unlock itself

I think they'll continue with the super bright light thing when something or someone is using a low of power. That's been referenced in season 1, 2, and 4. I mean, season 3 had light flickering moments, but not the bright light moments.

Maybe we'll get another blood trap situation going on. They lure in some Vecna creatures with the scent of blood? Hopefully they don't cut their palms this time though, let's keep the whole scare on the palm thing for the originators of that strategy (Jonathan and Nancy). They kinda used the same tactic in season 2 with meat from the store, but as we saw, they get tired of non-human meet real fast seems like. Human bait might be necessary. Then again, in season 4, Steve was bleeding out like crazy and no creatures seem to smell or care about it, so eh.

We can keep up with El showing off her skills? So far she's thrown a van, a car, moved a train, and a helicopter. Maybe she can throw a tank this time eh? That would be epic.

Still hoping for a tie back for season 1 and 2 with El getting in touch with Kali. Kali doesn't have to show up in person, but I hope El uses her mind to tell her what's happening or make up with her or something. Doesn't even have to be her whole crew, just Kali.

Maybe they'll need to go back into the Upside Down like Joyce and Hopper and get to that library. That is the point in which all points meet, something important must be there, right?

I suppose we'll get some answers about those vines. Maybe they'll try to attach themselves to Will again, I dunno. Ew gross. Maybe he gets caught again by some vines, which have happened to others a lot at this point, but the vines behave differently. They tried to strange and trap the others. Maybe they do something else like season 1

Maybe Lucas goes full army man again, gets his bandana back, maybe he gets a gun! Yes

Maybe El will continue trying to find Max, similarly to season 1 when she kept trying to fin Will. Each attempt gets progressively more dangerous, but she also gets more and more information about her whereabouts? Hm, if El has no luck, maybe Will somehow aids with that. Like he boosts her search range or something if they hold hands. Like he's a special receiver for Upside Down/Vecna shenanigans That'd be cute.

If things are really going to poop, I wonder if Hopper will get back in touch with his cop buddies. They'll be like "WTF" at first, but I mean... they are gonna need help right??? Even if it's from those dummies, it'd be cool if they got past the shock of Hopper being alive and were serious allies for once. It'd turn their comedy cop shtick on its head, which season 1 is known for

I can sorta picture something for Lonnie, but it's difficult you see? Firstly, why the hell would be come back to Hawkins during this disaster? Even if he found out his kids were there, I doubt he'd care??? But I can picture the writers having him retain an inkling of parental affection and coming back to "help" his kids. Maybe for real this time? :/ But I don't really want that, I want them to punch and kick him. But reintroducing Lonnie to be a thrown in the newly formed Hopper-Byers family seems right on target for Duffers writing.

To go with the previous point, in no way do I imagine Joyce falling back into Lonnie's arms or giving him the time of day. But it would be interesting to see Hopper vs Lonnie scenes of Lonnie trying to plan the seeds of doubt in him. I may be remembering wrong, but I think I remember Winona saying once around the release of season 3 that Joyce and Hopper's relationship reminded her of her old one with Lonnie or something. I can totally see that for season 3 Hopper, and maybe Hopper can too. But things have changed significantly, so Lonnie's attempts to screw things up would fail.

So to sum it up, I can see them paralleling:

The door opening scene

The light getting bright scenes

The blood trap scenario

El showing how strong she become by throwing something even BIGGER, like a tank

Terry and Kali returning to the story and getting a proper conclusion

Full on Lucas Rambo

Visiting the Upside Down library like Joyce and Hopper did

Something with the vines and Will

El searching for Max like she did for Will in season 1 and getting progressively closer. Maybe needing Will's help

Hopper getting his cop buddies back but then being useful for once

Lonnie returning to Hawkins to screw things up. Either they pull a 180 and he's a little less of a dick, or maybe he continues being a dick

Ok, that's what I got!

[mrs-gucci]

Adult Swim, Part 2 of 3 {Charlie Barber x virgin!Reader}

author’s notes: hello, hello! happy fourth of july to everyone celebrating. here’s part two of “adult swim” :) things are heating up, y’all!

warnings: smut. some fluff. making out. nose kink oops. over-the-clothes touching & oral (f receiving). handjob. some grinding. thigh-fucking.

(possible) tw’s: age difference. infidelity/extramarital affair. semi-public smut.

table of contents pt. one pt. two * pt. three

my taglist peeps: @frank-and-honey @shygirl268 @icarusinthesea​ ​@gildedstarlight @mrs-zimmerman​ @soldmysoulagain @roseepossee​ @pascalisfairyy​ (if you’d like to be added to or removed from my taglist, the link to the google form is HERE or on the top of my masterlist.)

(can we just take a moment of silence, dedicated to the masterpiece that is adam driver’s/charlie barber’s side profile? *drools*)

July.

You’ve come to dread Fourth of July weekend ever since you became a lifeguard. Although it’s a fun celebration, the pool stayed open much later than normal for the whole weekend, which meant that you had to work longer hours.

Sure, you liked cashing the overtime paycheck, and you always managed to get a few free meals out of the deal thanks to community members, but it was hard work. 

Luckily, this year, you had Charlie to help you through the long days. You couldn’t actually see him, not properly anyway, but he did come over and chat with you a few times for a bit while Nicole watched with a suspicious glare. 

Rain clouds have shrouded the sun’s warm glow and a bolt of lightening streaks across the gray sky, followed by a clap of thunder that rumbles the Earth. Everyone is forced to get out of the pool and sit under the covered patios until the rain and storm have passed over. 

You’re making your way towards the lifeguard’s lounge when a large hand holds your shoulder, effectively stopping you in your tracks. When you turn to look at who the hand is connected to, you smile.

“Mr. Barber.” You say, politely.

He nods. “Coach. Do you need to, uh...check on anything in the storage area?”

The breath catches in your throat as he looks into your eyes, sending a chill down your spine. You know what that look means...

“Now that you mention it, the manager asked me to check on the cleaning supply stock...” You say, a lopsided smirk tugging at the corner of your mouth. “You’re more than welcome to join me, if you’d like.”

He looks over his shoulder, happy to see that Nicole is deep in conversation with a group of other moms. 

“You had me at ‘now that you mention it’, coach.”

The two of you scurry off to the back storage area, which is basically just a cage with a roof, and Charlie immediately pins you against the wall. He kisses your neck while he grinds his pelvis against your lower stomach.

You move to jump up and wrap your legs around his waist, but he stops you. You look up at him with a furrowed brow.

“Wanna fuck your thighs today, coach.” He breathes against your neck. “Turn around and keep your legs together for me, alright?”

Nodding, you flip yourself around so that your front is now pressed up against the cage, making sure to keep your thighs together. You look over your shoulder as he begins untying his swim trunks.

“No peeking, Y/N. You know the rules: you’re not allowed to see me until I spread your legs and take your virginity.”

Your head turns back to its normal position and you hear him stroking himself behind you. You want nothing more than to see his cock, touch it, appreciate it; but alas, he won’t allow it.

His small grunts and groans are more erotic than they ought to be and you can feel the slick beginning to dampen your folds. He's standing at full attention, now, and he takes a step forward to press himself up against you. 

Your breath hitches as his thick length slides between your thighs, earning a small breathy grunt from the large man behind you. He lets out a shaky sigh before drawing back, then snapping his hips forward again.

“O-Oh, coach.” He breathes into your ear, hands planting next to the top of your head on either side. “Thaaaaaat’s good, so good.”

His little grunts and groans are music to your ears and, mixed with the smack-smack-smack of his skin colliding with yours, it’s an erotic symphony.

“We’ve gotta h-hurry. Storm’s gonna pass over s-soon.” You whisper.

Charlie nods, increasing his thrusting rhythm two-fold. He pants into your ear, one hand sliding down from the wall to wrap around your throat. 

“I’m gonna fuck your little virgin cunt so hard.” He growls, reaching down to grab your hip. “Gonna f-fuck you just like this, coach. Right after your pussy stretches out around my cock, I’m gonna fuck you nice and h-hard, make you cum.” 

You moan, biting your lip. “C-Charlie...fuck.”

“Ohhhhhhhhh, Y/N, I’m c-close. Gonna cum--” His hips come to an abrupt halt and he buries his face in the crook of your neck as he cums, a low groan muffled against your skin.

Your head tilts down just in time to see the liquid ropes erupt from between your legs and you can feel the way his length pulses before each rope shoots out.

He’s panting against your neck, planting the occasional open-mouthed kisses on your skin as he catches his breath. Once he regains control of his breathing, he tucks himself back into his swim trunks and turns you around, holding your hips.

“Sorry I didn’t have time to make you cum, coach. I’ll make it up to you next time, I promise.”

You shake your head, smiling up at him. “No apology necessary, Charlie. I still had a good time, regardless. You know I like helping you get off.”

Charlie bends down and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose, laughing softly when your face crinkles up. “You’re the best. Now, you should probably get back out there before anyone gets suspicious. I’ll hang back for a bit, have a cigarette or something.”

“See you soon, C.” You say before heading towards the door.

“You’ve never used that one before, coach.” He says, causing you to turn around.

“Oh, uh, yeah. It just sorta slipped out. Sorry.”

“No need.” His lips tug up into a smile. “I kinda like it.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The union between Charlie and Nicole has been noticeably shaken and strained as of late, you’ve noticed. You wonder if she somehow found out about you and Charlie.

Ever since the first private swim lesson, you and Charlie have been rendezvousing under the starlight on a weekly basis. Sure, there’s been some swimming involved, but it usually doesn’t last very long. He can’t keep his hands off you for more than about fifteen minutes at a time when you’re together.

It’s not just the physical connection; you and Charlie have incredibly compatible personalities, too. You get along really well and there’s a lot of natural chemistry between the two of you. You find yourself counting the minutes until the pool closes on lesson days, count the seconds until Charlie walks through the gate.

Tonight, you’re already in the pool when Charlie arrives, practicing your own technique. He sets his bag down on one of the loungers and watches as you make your way back down the lane in backstroke. He can’t help but look at your breasts, he’s got the perfect angle to look down your suit...

You flip back over and pull the goggles up over your head, smiling as you swim up and pull yourself onto the side of the pool.

“Hey, C.”

He smirks, walking over and jumping into the pool, swimming up to you with just his eyes above the surface. You giggle as he grabs hold of your ankles and lifts them up, forcing your upper body to fall back against the pool deck.

“Good evening, coach.”

His lips kiss and nibble at your ankle bones before trailing up your leg. Your skin erupts in goosebumps as his kisses draw closer and closer to your clothed center, which has already begun to heat up from his actions.

Your eyes never break away from his as he sucks at the tender flesh of your inner thighs, just at the hem of your bathing suit bottoms. You suck in a sharp breath when his nose lightly drags across your crotch, and his eyebrows raise.

“What was that, coach?” He asks, grinning to himself. “Did you...like something that I did, in particular?”

You’ve always sort of had a thing for Charlie’s nose, you have no idea why you found something so not traditionally sexy attractive, but now all you’re thinking about is how lovely it’d feel to have his nose bumping against your clit as he eats you out.

“Um, w-well, I--”

His nose swipes back over your crotch, cutting you off and replacing the rest of your response with a gasp. He grins wickedly.

“Oh, so that’s what you like.” A low chuckle escapes his lips.

He does it again, and again, nose dragging against your damp crotch. You’re practically dripping by now, the feeling and sight of him rubbing against you is simultaneously too much and not enough.

“Charlie...” You breathe, chewing your lip.

His finger comes up and teases your entrance over your suit, pushing some of the fabric in before letting it snap back into place. Your legs instinctively fall open further at his movements, eyes fluttering shut as his mouth hovers over your clothed crotch. 

He looks up at you, then. “You’re gonna cum just like this, coach, or you’re not gonna cum at all. Understood?”

You nod. “Y-Yes, Mr. Barber.”

The formality, the seeming innocence of that name always seems to drive him crazy and he grunts, quickly diving in. The tip of his aquiline nose swipes all around your covered folds while his lips and hot breath teases your center.

You’re embarrassingly close already, both the sights and sensations being created between your legs impossible to resist. You simply can’t bring yourself to peel your eyes away as he continues to bring you closer and closer to a soft release.

“Are you close already?” He asks with a smirk, eyes meeting yours.

Before you can respond, his finger presses up against your entrance, pushing in just a little bit and swirling around. You gasp at the feeling, hips naturally pushing down against him in an attempt to encourage him deeper inside.

“Mmm, look at that. You want to be filled so badly, don’t you, coach?” Charlie says, voice low. “You’re so fucking desperate, trying to impale your little virgin cunt further on my finger. You want someone else’s fingers shoved up your pussy, want to cum on fingers other than your own, isn’t that right?”

You nod, chewing your lip while your hips gyrate against his touch. “Y-Yeah, I want i-it.”

His finger pushes up just a little bit more, bathing suit fabric stretching as it’s shoved up inside your quivering arousal. Your back arches and your breath catches in your throat at his movement, suddenly thrust to the edge of climax.

“Charlie...” You breathe. “Please.”

He grins cockily, circling his fingertip inside you while he mouths at your clit and scrapes his teeth across the clothed bud. You cum only a few moments later, groaning shakily as your hips jerk erratically.

Once you’ve ridden it out completely, Charlie pulls away and covers your inner thighs in kisses. You sit up and run your hands through his hair, smiling down at him. 

“You’re incredible.”

Charlie smiles, tugging your legs, encouraging you into the shallow water. “C’mere, let me kiss you.”

You allow yourself to slide down into the water, reaching up to wrap your arms around the back of his neck as his lips crash down onto yours. His hands grab your ass and pull you against him, a small growl rumbling through his chest when his erection rubs against your lower stomach.

“Let me touch you, C-Charlie.”

His eyebrows raise and he pulls away, looking into your eyes. “You know the rules, kid...”

“I don’t have to see you to make you feel good. I promise I won’t look, I just...I want to t-touch you. I want to make you cum.”

He inhales sharply, biting his lip as he thinks it over. He can’t pretend that he hasn’t wanted this since he first met you, but the thought of not allowing you to see or touch him until he’s ready to take your virginity is incredibly arousing...

“Alright, but you can’t pull me out of my shorts. Got it?”

You nod eagerly, pressing your lips onto his once again. He scoops you up and walks you over to the underwater bench, setting you down gently. His hand cradles the back of your head, cushioning it from the harsh pool ledge as you pull at the tie of his swim trunks.

His jaw clenches tightly and his eyebrows knit when your hand wraps around the base, a shaky breath leaving his flared nostrils. He keeps his forehead pressed against yours as you begin to stroke him slowly, breath hot on your lips.

“I-Is this okay?” You ask quietly.

He simply nods, back hunching and buttocks clenching as his hips begin to thrust forward in time with your pumps. His eyes squeeze shut, growling and mewling softly with each flick of your wrist.

“Ohhhhh god, Y/N, I...it’s b-been a while since someone’s tttttouched me like this. Your little h-hand ffffeels so nice.”

Your lips pull up into a small smile, flattered that he likes your touch so much. You reach up with your spare hand, spreading it out across the back of his head, pulling him down for another kiss.

Charlie fulfills your silent wish, moving his lips against yours. He disconnects a minute later, a line of sweat gathering at his hairline as his thrusts become more and more desperate and full of need.

“J-Jesus, I’m gonna cum s-soon, can’t last a-any longer.” He groans shakily, reaching down to grab your wrist, halting your touches. “Quick, l-lay back on the d-deck.”

You nod, hopping up out of the water and laying back, allowing enough room for him to get on top of you. His hand moves quickly on his cock as he climbs up and positions himself on top of you.

His hand grips your jaw, tilting your head up while he tugs his shorts down enough to expose his pulsing length. He begins grinding his bare cock against the fabric covering your stomach.

“Look at me, Y/N. I’m gonna--fuuuck--gonna c-cover your belly in m-my hot cum, s-stain your fuuucking b-bathing ssssuit. Are y-you ready?”

Right after you nod, his hips suddenly rut roughly against your stomach and he groans loudly, spurts of warm milky seed spreading across your torso. He snarls, grip tightening around your jaw as he cums all over you. His eyes never close or break your gaze, pupils blown wide with lust and arousal.

Seeing Charlie coming undone above you is a sight you make sure to commit to memory, not wanting to forget the way his face contorted in pleasure, the way his hips bucked against you, the sounds that fell from his pillowy lips. 

You’re convinced that there are little other sights more beautiful and erotic than the one you’ve just witnessed.

He lets go of your jaw and tucks himself back into his trunks while his lips leave open-mouthed kisses all over your face and throat. You sigh softly when he pulls away and stands up, already missing his presence on top of you.

“Sorry about the stain.” His eyes dart down to the dark red stain on your suit.

You shake your head, sitting up. “No worries. The chlorine will help.”

Charlie’s eyebrows furrow and you chuckle, standing up in front of him.

“You heard me right, Mr. Barber. I’m swimming along with you tonight. We’ll see how you hold up against a competitor.”

He smirks, reaching around to land a playful swat on your ass. “Try to catch me, coach.”

You gasp as he quickly turns around and leaps into the water, beginning to swim towards the lanes. You laugh, following behind.

“Oh, it is so on!”

⇠previous⇠ ⇢next⇢

[spiked-tea-writing]

and they were roommates?!

SapnapxFem!Reader

Summary: Imagine being in love with your roommate, couldn't be you.

Pronouns: She/her

Warning: Swearing

Word Count: 2.3k

A/n: I don’t watch or know anything, I just like these people and I had a concept. Also, he and Dream aren’t roommates in this for the sake of I can’t figure that out. Also also, my timeline is probably fucked but who cares

The dynamic in the apartment was...interesting to say the least

In the two years of living together, it had shifted a lot

In the beginning, you and Sapnap had been... less than cordial to each other

Both eighteen, fresh out of high school, off to college thinking that you knew everything.

There was lots of fighting, to say the least.

All of the “No it’s your turn to vacuum”, and “I swear to god Sapnap I will punt you halfway across the world if you eat my pineapple again”

The only reason you didn’t slit each other’s throats was that if the other person was dead, who would pay rent?

It was the summer before college started at the time, and you were working long hours minimum wage so coming]’/ home to an annoying prick caused a crap ton of conflict

After a few months of being little bitches to each other, y’all got piss drunk in the apartment and it all just sorta fell apart

Got that good drunk therapy, spilling your deepest secrets

(y’all were underage but shhh)

So by the time college started, the two of you had become actual friends and started enjoying each others company

A few months into the friendship, you encouraged him to post the video of “Minecraft, but it’s Raining Cats and Dogs” on a whim

Lmao little did you know what you had created (we’ll get to that later)

You mocked his train of thought constantly, laughing at the timing of it all.

“Ahhh yes, I am Sapnap, the genius who thought it’d be great to become a YouTuber while in my first year of college.”

He’d always just laugh and roll his eyes, playfully shoving you while stealing your chips.

The next few months were a haze of studying, work, and him.

It was truly a friendship of convenience since you guys were so busy, him starting his youtube career, and you working restaurants, then school on top of that, it was just easy to find friendship in your roommate.

Of course, he had his close friends which he spoke to over the internet, and you had your friends from back home, but as for college, it really was only him.

You guys had a fun time just hanging around the apartment, and it became so easy to be friends with him

And it WAS truly platonic (we’ll get back to that as well)

The best thing he brought to the friendship was his animals

You got on fabulously with Cash and the cats

They were all so cuddly and honestly loved you more than him lmao

You guys were just trying to get degrees and not be too stupid, was that too much to ask???

Well to a certain 2020, it was

The beginning of that year was great.

He was sorta realizing that he liked putting himself on social media, but on top of that, it seemed like a great start to a year.

February brought him to twitch, which you loved

You found it hilarious how he would just sorta play games and have people watch him live.

But you were incredibly supportive, as a friend, of course

He really liked it so, you tried to ignore the shouting at three am, and the loud anthems at night

Sure you’d give him hell in the morning, but why kill his fun?

March started great, as it was his birthday.

You got him a glittery lighter as a gag, but it was the perfect gift for a broke-ass college student

Then a certain pandemic came a-knockin’ on y’all’s door

It was a hard hit on both of you.

An executive decision was made that you two would stay put, but being away from your families was incredibly tough.

That spring was the birth of The SMP.

It brought him so much joy, which in turn made you happier.

The rest of the school year was a blur of zooms and test

Nick nearly killed you on multiple occasions when you made fun of the fact that he was learning computer science over the computer or made him help you figure out what the fuck zoom was since it was tangentially related to his major

“SAP HELP ME YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ITS YOUR FUCKING MAJOR!!!”

“NO, IT’S- AHHHHHHHHH”

Yall got more than a handful of noise complaints shhhh

That summer was fill was spent trying to fill the time in weird ways

Note to self, he can’t cook (which you learned the hard way)

Yall spent so much time trying to cook and bake, then sweating off the calories working out with The Fitness Marshall lmao

As sucky as the situation was, that summer was so incredibly fun for the both of you, and truthfully the only arguments were about what music to blast

“Y/n I swear if I listen to Cosmicandy one more time I will drown you.”

“Well if I hear American Idiot one more time someone’s knee caps are getting harvested.”

(that argument was settled with Elton John.)

When school started up again that fall, something shifted

After a year of actual friendship, you guys were no longer just friends, and the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife

You had watched every single one of his streams since day one, but within 2 seconds of his Love or Host, you felt the need to hurl for some peculiar reason

It was bizarre because there was no way you could ever like him, of course not.

Within the apartment, you guys suddenly got a lot more touchy, but only because it was getting cold with winter and all that jazz.

It wasn’t because yall were secretly in love, what is this, a romcom?

The number of times you guys woke up on the couch, definitely not cuddling was too many to count

You started sitting in his room while he streamed, definitely not watching him with heart eyes because of how excited he got

He always had a pot of coffee full and a 6-pack of monster in the fridge since he knew you ran on spite and caffeine, and definitely not so that he could spend more time with you in the early hours of the morning.

The laundry started getting all mixed around, resulting in just sharing any sweats, hoodies, or socks.

The same thing went for food.

No longer was anything labeled with a name, if it was in the fridge, it was fair game (unless there was a post-it because come on, yall weren’t monsters)

But no, y’all were just roommates, not dating, lets make that clear.

Feelings? We don’t know her.

This entire time, his friends have had to hear about you rip.

But they got front row seats to your relationship development

“OMG my roommate is the worst she ate all of the frozen strawberries”

“Y/n kidnapped Storm all day while she studied and I thought I lost the fucking cat asjvdk”

“I had to run down and talk to the landlord because we dropped a pot of pasta sauce all over the carpet and couldn’t get the damn stain out.”

“She is so nice in preparation for a family dinner zoom, she ran out to the local Filipino food place and pick stuff up.”

“Sorry I’m late I overslept and didn’t want to wake up Y/n.”

They weren’t stupid, and could clearly see how whipped he was.

Dream and Geroge teased him about it constantly.

“Woah, calm down Sap, you should probably tell her you love her before you propose.”

“Yeah Dream’s right, it’s kinda weird that you’re living together before ever dating.”

He always flushed and denied it with a shake of his head.

He wasn’t into you, are they crazy?

Quackity and Karl messed with him in more unorthodox ways

There are a solid number of clips where they are fake crying over how he’s cheating on them, and even more tweets to match

It only got worse when you met them accidentally.

He was chatting post-stream on a video channel with George, Dream, Karl, and Quackity, and just his luck, you came into his room.

Like of all the times you could walk in, it was the time he was with his five closest friends but I digress

“Yo I got some extra tips yesterday so I picked up some extra Red Bull if you want to do one of your weird all-nighter streams.”

“Y/n I’m on channel.”

“Oh shit sorry my b. Catch.”

All the guys heard was a thud and a groan from Sapnap as the six-pack hit him in the chest.

Dream was the one to recognize your name.

“WAIT IS THAT Y/N I WANT TO MEET THEM!”

You could hear Dream’s voice through his headphones

“Sap… who is that?”

“No one. I’ll be out in a sec to help with dinner.”

You could hear a British voice come through.

“Oh so we are no one now, huh.”

Another voice piped through.

“Common... ¿Qué intentas ocultar?”

You cut in.

“Your headset it shit my guy. I can hear everything. I’m down to talk to them.”

He let out a groan.

“Fine. But you’re gonna have to do the dishes tonight.”

“Deal. Now move.”

“What? No.”

“Fine bitch.”

You collapsed onto his lap, plucking the headphones off of him.

“Hello, Sapnap’s friends. I am Y/n. A pleasure to meet y’all. Can you hear me?”

You heard a series of laughs through the headset, and a voice came through.

“Yes, we can see you too. I’m Karl, it’s so nice to finally meet his girlfriend.”

A blush rose on both of your faces, and another voice came through.

“Yeah, we’ve heard lots about you. Plus we can’t see your face in that picture Sap sent us. I’m Quackity”

That remark stopped your embarrassment in its tracks.

“What the fuck? How do you guys know me? I’m not even his girlfriend? And what picture?”

Sapnap grabbed your arm to calm you down as another voice cut in, but his one you recognized as his friend Dream.

“Hey, it’s okay. He just talks about you a bit, and the picture I believe was of you holding like three cats with like a red bull can on your head.”

“Jesus fucking christ why do they have that photo??”

He looked guilty but chuckled.

“Because that photo is a damn masterpiece.”

Karl’s voice came back in with a giggled.

“Soooo, Y/n we’d love to hear about you. Specifically anything funny or embarrassing that you have learned by living with him.”

Sapnap let out a groan from behind you as you went off.

“WELL lemme tell y’all, he has no cooking knowledge, well I mean, now he does, but one time, about a year ago, I had I been keeping a pot of water boiling for about an hour, soft boiling eggs, cooing noodles, blanching bok choy, etc. but this fucking genius is like ‘oH tHe HaNdLe Is StIcKiNg OuT. LeMmE mOvE iT wItH mY bArE hAnD.’ Needless to say, he burnt the crap outta his hand and kept the bag of frozen blueberries on it for the entire night. It took me like a solid five seconds to actually help him because I was laughing.”

By the time you had finished that story, you had seen Nick roll his eyes like 5 five times while the rest of the guys were wheezing.

“Yeah, well remember the time you were trying to imitate Rapunzel after we had watched it over Zoom with my sister, and you swung the edge of the frying pan into our head and got a nasty bump on it? At least I moved quick enough to put some ice on it.”

“Ice? It was the damn leftover Slushy that I had been freezing.”

“True, but you got to drink it after, so it was a win-win situation.”

“Sap, I had a bump the size of a golfball coming off of my temple. There was no winning.”

“Fine, you’re just making me sound like such a shit roommate.”

“No that’s not true, you do all of the talking to the landlord, and you at least tried to muffle the noise when you stream.”

“I guess that’s true, but you do like 80% of the cleaning.”

“Yeah but only because you’re working. Plus in the past 6 months, you’ve made coffee every morning, AND made sure I was taking my meds.”

“Those things aren’t that hard and I do it to make sure you don’t die because I lo- care about you.”

“What?”

“What?”

You heard Dream’s wheeze laugh and remembered that you guys were still on call.

“Smooth.”

You both went red, and Sap moved his arm around you to leave the channel.

The next few moments were complete torture, the two of you just sitting in silence.

You were wondering if he meant what he was about to say and he was scared that you had heard it.

He was the one to break the silence. (mind you you’re still sitting on his lap lmao)

“I’m sorry about that.”

You weren’t sure how to respond. Should you ask him if he meant it? Because that wouldn’t be that bad. Or just pretend it never happened. Nah that’d be hella awkward. Or-

“I love you too.”

“You what?”

Wow, okay your brain is being a little bitch rn, but fuck it. Balls to the walls baby.

“I love you, and I have for a while now. I just want you to know.”

You finally looked him in the eye, and he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Thank god. I love you, and nearly fucking told you for the first time in front of my friends accidentally. Damn, I’m smooth.”

You laughed and he smiled wider.

“Can I kiss you?”

After a quick nod he swooped in and holy hell his lips felt great. His arm wound around your waist and your hands made their way to his jaw as he pulled you closer to him.

The only thing playing in your mind was “and they were roommates”

[writingtoforgetreality]

The Moment I Knew (Dean Winchester x Reader)

Request: hi! i LOVE ur writing and i’m not sure if requests are open, but i’ll shoot anyways. Could you do a dean x fem!reader where she gets hurt really bad on a hunt and tries to hide it from dean because she thinks he’ll make fun of her or think she’s weak?(enemies to lovers idea ig) and he finds out because she faints in his arms or something and he’s just like so mad at himself for not noticing and he’s really worried about her during the healing process and she’s confused cause she thought he hated her and AH i’m sorry it’s so specific i’m just in a mood🥺❤️ (by @rxvxr), [Supernatural-Masterlist]

Summary: A seemingly easy werewolf hunt got out of hand & left you injured. In order to avoid Dean getting angry at you, you hid your wound from him. It was not as bad as it looked, right?

Words: 1,975

Warnings: language, a little bit of angst, injury, blood, fluff

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

“You’re not coming on this hunt.” Dean stood his ground. Your frustrated groan showed him that you were not giving up that easily.

“Yeah, I am.” you crossed your arms over your chest. He turned around & walked closer to you. His face was way too close but you would not step back.

“You can’t handle this.” he spat out with venom in his voice.

“I’ll be fine, Dean.”

“You’re annoying, do you know that?” he threw his head back in frustration.

“Likewise.” you joked.

“Dude, let her come with us.” Sam joined your conversation, seemingly done with his older brother. “She’s skilled enough. Besides, three people are better than one.”

“Thank you very much, Sam.” your smile only grew wilder when you saw Dean rolling his eyes. Maybe you had not been in this business as long as they had been. But you knew that you were good enough to tag along on a werewolf hunt. After all, you had learned from the best. Sam, you meant. Of course. Dean? Meh, he was alright. But he hated you so you hated him. It was as easy as that.

The hunt was harder than you thought it would be. Werewolves were not that strong usually. But you kind of did not expect three of them to be there. Which left one monster for each of you. How you ended up with the strongest one of them all? You were not quite sure but that asshole landed a few pretty good hits on you. Blocking out everything around you, you hoped the brothers were luckier than you. Right when you wanted to shoot one of your silver bullets, its claws hit you right at your stomach. You groaned at the sting but you were too shocked to really feel the pain just yet. A look down was enough to realize that you had been hit pretty bad. As far as you could tell, there was a lot of blood coming out of you. An awful lot of blood. But if you stopped focusing now then your cause of death would be a werewolf. You needed to focus. Your vision started blurring slightly. A loud gunshot made you flinch. Eyes widened at the now dead werewolf in front of you. Turning around to check for another possible threat, you were only met with a very pissed off Dean. He did not even acknowledge you. Instinctively, you closed your jacket to avoid his disappointed stare. Your wound was not that bad, you would manage just fine. You could deal with your injury back in the bunker.

“So much for you can handle it, huh?” Dean mocked you. Usually, you always had a comeback. Not right now, it seemed. The adrenaline from the hunt had disappeared completely & the only thing you felt was the burning sensation that was caused by your wound. Dean raised his eyebrows when you stayed quiet.

“Dean, let her be. We didn’t expect three of them.” Sam argued.

“Yeah & we handled them just fine. She could’ve gotten herself hurt.” Dean eyed you up & down, shaking his head shortly.

“But I’m fine, Dean.” your voice was more quiet. Something both brothers were not used to from you.

“Great. Then I won’t feel bad when I tell you that this was incredibly stupid. I told you to not come along but no…No, you said you were skilled enough. Skilled enough? That was worse than what an amateur would do, (Y/N). You wanna get yourself killed or what?” his voice raised & your eyes trained on the ground, too embarrassed to look into his green ones anymore. Not even Sam tried to argue with him. He simply went ahead & left Dean & you standing alone.

“I’m sorry.” it was almost inaudible but he heard you clearly due to the calm night in the woods.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, (Y/N).” he scoffed. You waited a few seconds if he had to say anything else. When you were sure that he was done, you wanted to follow Sam back to the Impala. The first step you took brought you dizziness. The second one made dark spots appear. Dean noticed you wavering & when you did not answer after asking if your were okay, he made his way over to you. Right when he reached you, your body was met with darkness. For a second, Dean panicked. But when he felt one of his hands sticky with whatever liquid, he breathed out a quiet “Fuck”. He opened your jacket & saw the three long & deep gashes adorning your stomach. Wasting no time, he picked you up bridal style & ran over to the Impala where Sam was already waiting. All the while, Dean whispered sweet nothings to you. You did not hear it but he needed to say them. More for himself, really.

“What happened?” Sam was just as shocked as his older brother.

“She did get hurt.” the man carrying you explained. “Come on, Sammy. You drive.” he handed Sam the key & got in the backseat with you. Carefully as to not hurt you any more. Putting more pressure on your wound, he hated himself for lashing out at you like that. He simply did not want you to get hurt. Hence why he suggested you staying behind. Well, it was not really suggesting. It was more like forcing you & then, when you did not agree with him, being mad at you. If only you knew why he was acting that way towards you. Tonight, the one thing he did not want to happen happened. You got hurt. Not because you were not strong enough. Dean knew your abilities were similar to theirs. No, you got hurt because he left you out of his sight. Usually, whenever the three of you went on a hunt together, he made sure to keep you close by. Not that he ever admitted it. Sam had picked up on that & teased him like crazy. You, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious to it all. After all, you hated him, right? Having to look at you like this, it broke his heart. Mainly because Dean blamed himself. If he paid more attention, he could have avoided all of this. After waking up, you would hate him even more & he would not even blame you. He was the one who yelled at you. But wait a second. Why the hell did you tell him that you were fine, when in reality, you were in pain? Your injury was not really a minor one. He instructed Sam to go faster. The sooner you all made it back to the bunker, the better.

Your entire body was on fire when you opened your eyes. Your attempt to sit up was cut short when you felt pain shooting through you. Wincing audibly, you looked down. Only then did you remember what happened. The werewolf hunt. One of them sliced you open with its claws. Dean yelled at you & then? What happened then? You could not recall it. All you knew was that you were back in your own bed in the bunker. The door opened & your head snapped up. Eyebrows furrowed when Dean entered. You expected Sam but Dean? You thought he was pissed off still. If you were honest, it was kind of your fault. If you had told them that you were hurt right away then you probably would not be in this situation.

“Hey.” he whispered even though there was no need to.

“Hi.” you matched his tone, unsure if you were about to experience another scolding from him. Dean walked over to the bed & sat down, careful not to touch you.

“How are you feeling?” he did not look at you which confused you even more.

“Um…Well, I’ll live.” you chuckled uncomfortably.

“Why didn’t you tell me that one of them hurt you?” his eyes locked onto yours & your mouth opened & closed a few times. What could you possibly tell him?

“Didn’t think it was that bad.” that was what you ended up with. A lie.

“Hmm, I don’t believe you. Why didn’t you say anything?” he repeated. Sighing loudly, you thought you would say the truth. It did not matter anyway.

“I didn’t want you to look at me like I’m weak or pathetic.” you looked down at your hands that fiddled in your lap.

“Why would I do that?” he was confused now.

“Well.” you glanced at him again. “You kinda told me to stay behind & I said I’d be fine. Look where that brought me. And I know you sorta hate me so…” you trailed off.

“I don’t hate you.” he wasted no time with his response. You stared at him questioningly & he knew he had to explain himself. “I don’t hate you, (Y/N). I’ve been an asshole, I know that.” you interrupted him briefly.

“Self-reflective, I see.” you teased playfully.

“What I wanna say…I just don’t wanna see you get hurt. And last night showed me that all of this can be over way too soon. I guess I was scared of losing you.” he admitted, watching you closely for your reaction. You were shocked at his statement.

“It takes a lot more to get rid of me, Dean.” you smiled warmly at him. Usually, you would have teased him but he was so serious in this moment, you did not want to ruin it.

“You’re one of the best hunters I know. It could’ve happened to all of us, this werewolf. Man…” he put his face in one of his hands, then chuckled. “I’m really bad at this feelings crap.” you laughed & shook your head at him.

“You’re getting better.”

The following weeks were different. The way Dean acted towards you was foreign to you. The teasing did not stop but you two shared another thing now. Though you had yet to figure out what exactly that was. Dean went out of his way to care for you which, if you were honest, was because of your wound taking an awful lot of time to fully heal. You spent a lot of days in pain that not even pills could numb. Sam was teasing the two & for the first time, you could actually tell that he was. Apparently, you were way too focused on Dean’s “hatred” towards you that you did not notice the younger brother’s teasing. The atmosphere in the bunker was not as tense anymore. The three of you lived comfortably together. Sometimes, you had to stop & think about your journey with Dean. It was actually the plot of a Disney movie. Two people had hated each other (at least they thought they had) until one of them got hurt & the other was scared of losing them. After that, their relationship changed into something way deeper, way more understanding.

“(Y/N)?” Dean entered the kitchen where you were currently sitting with a cup of coffee in your hand. You hummed for him to continue. “You’re still annoying as shit. You know that, right?” you broke out in laughter, Dean joined in a second later. Motioning for the cup you set up for him, he walked over & sat down next to you.

“Hate to break it to you but I won’t change.” you smirked at him.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” he pressed a soft kiss on top of your head & threw one of his arms around your shoulders to pull you closer to his body. Your eyes closed in content. This was where you were supposed to be. In Dean’s arms. And it took you both long enough that you could not live without each other. At least you had each other now. Finally.

Published (04/27/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @hollymac79, @spnbaby-67 (thanks for your support <3)

[marvel-m-lee]

Pranks, Horns, and Tony

Warning: Tickle Fic, birds, spiders, pranking,

Ppl: Loki, Tony, You

Words: 2254

Summary: You and Loki are known fir your pranks, and your both left alone in the compound together whole the avengers are on a mission.

--------

It was another day in the compound, you had been living with the avengers for almost a year now and seemed to get along with the very mischievous God Loki.

You were both quite young- well sorta. If he were a human he'd be a couple years older than you but that's fine, you both got along splendidly.

You would read books together, play pranks together, be on each others sides and he'd always be there for you even if he wouldn't show the other avengers. Though they all knew you both had a special bond, Thor especially knew because whenever he'd take you to asgard or Loki to Earth you'd both have bright smiles and go somewhere to cause havoc.

Thor didn't really mind though, it just meant he'd get to bombard you both with tickles afterwards.

Yesterday Loki and Thor had come to visit again and would be staying for a couple of days. You and Loki caught up a little and read your books whilst keeping each other company. Today is when the true mischief would start, all the avengers would be going out and you and Loki would be left alone in the compound for a couple of hours so you both were planning pranks for the others.

"Alright y/n, we'll be back in a couple of hours. Don't burn down the house while we're gone okay?" Steve teased as he gave you a hug.

"Yes, and Brother, do not cause any havoc." Thor told Loki, only to be answered by a shrug and a smirk.

"Brother I'm the God of Mischief, what more must you expect?"

"Well then when we come back I'll be the God of Tickles, shall I, dear brother?" Thor asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Loki's face became a rosie red and crossed his arms whilst rolling his eyes.

You stood next to Loki and smiled at Thor with your hands behind your back, "we'll be good, have fun!" Thor nodded and all the Avengers left the compound for their mission.

Both you and Loki waited for there to be a silence that rang through the compound once everyone would have been gone. After a moment you both smirked and turned to one another.

You brought your hand to your face and showed Loki your intertwined fingers to show your face promise, Loki's smirk increased as he saw it.

"Ready to cause some mischief?" You asked him.

"It's in the name" he replied as you both began to run down the halls yo your first target.

You arrived at Bucky's room and looked around, "So, what's the plan here?" You asked the mischief maker himself. Loki walked around the somewhat messy room and found his way to the bed.

"A magnet, a large one. We'd place it under his bed and once he comes back and gets ready to sleep, in the morning he wouldn't be able to get out of bed!" Loki exclaimed, both of you began the process, both with large smirks on your faces.

Loki used his magic to lift up the mattress and keep it in the air whilst you both grabbed a large magnet from Tony's spare parts and placed it under the mattress bed. Loki then placed the mattress back on and the sheets were already messed to so he surely wouldn't notice?

Yeah, I don't know why Tony had a large ass magnet either, let's move on.

You and Loki both snickers at the idea of the prank and moved on to another victim.

For Sam you both collected a bunch of birds and locked them in his closet- with breathing holes obviously. One had pecked at Loki's hand causing him to curse which made you burst out laughing.

Steve's closet was now filled with a bunch of Rock concert shirts and IronMan shorts to pin the blame on Tony, Tony usually was in prank and tickle ears with Steve anyway so it wasn't that hard to believe he'd done it.

You both didn't dare do anything too crazy to Black Widow, so you both just stole a jacket each. She had incredible taste that woman. Loki stole a green jacket with some sort of fluffy collar and you stole a (f/c) leather jacket.

Clint's prank was the simplest, you both sprayed this fart spray into the vents and it STANK.

You both liked Bruce, well Loki wasn't as much of a fan but you all enjoyed reading so Bruce was safe from your havoc.

Wanda's room was all tidy, it smelt wonderful and honestly was your favourite room so you both decided to just put some spices in her bed to make her sneeze.

Vision's room was safe, only you'd both left a piece of gum next to his table with a note attached saying; 'Try this, Bruce and I were working on it. -Tony Stark'

Thor's room was one of the messier one, but he'd taken Stormbreaker out with him rather than Mjölnir, and by some sort of mirical you had all found out you could actually lift the weapon, so you took it and hid it away in a close vent that smelt of farts.

Turns out Clints prank was the most deadly as the whole place started to stink up making both you and Loki gag, and burst out with laughter.

Peter wasnt actually on the mission, nor was Scott but it was a Friday meaning they'd both be coming over for movie night. Plus Peter would be staying the weekend so why not torture him? Even if they were some of your best friends, they werent safe from the mischief makers.

You came up with the idea of hiding spiderman Peter's room, you were terrified of them though so you made Loki do so.

"Wait so Parker's afraid of Spiders?"

"Yeah, I don't really get it either-"

"Pffft, here you want a spidey y/n?" Loki chuckles whilst taunting, shoving a spider in your face as you screamed and jumped into the wall.

"LOKI PISS OFF!"

Loki howled with laughter and placed the last spider down. You both left and did the same with Scott's room but rather than spiders you placed all the ants you could find on his bed.

Last but not least Loki lead you to Tony's Lab where he would be working on all his suits and other personal projects. Its not the main lab but it wasnt too far off, just smaller and more personal so that he could work at night or alone.

You both entered while snickering to yourselves, it had been an hour and a half since they'd all left and you both should gave at LEAST 30 minutes. But hoped you'd have an hour. It wouldn't take long anyway.

"So what's the plan?" You asked Loki.

You both saw an IronMan head on his desk and smirked at one another, knowing that would be your target. Maybe jello inside the helmet? Maybe slime? Maybe hiding it? Repainting it?

"Here, I've got these horns that we can lazer on the front" Loki smirked while taking out two golden horns like his own on his head but separated to be put on a helmet.

You didn't really mind it was a mainly Loki thing, it just meant he'd get in trouble and not you for this. You werent per say throwing him under the bus, but you werent gonna bring it to his attention.

You both walked over to get ready to melt a horn on each, Loki grabbed some sort of tool and started the first one. You stood behind him and watched over his shoulder, you admired the small things,about how Loki's greesy hear was tired up into a man bun before he'd started working on it, and how he squinted one eye to concentrate with his tongue sticking out. It made you giggle.

"I'm almost done..." you watched as he'd almost finished it, both of you concentrating hard on the hand ship.

"Oh hey kiddo's"

You both jumped out of your skin, Loki fell off the chair and part of his hair came out, laying on the floor he turned to see who was talking, you on the other hand jumped and slowly turned around with a nervous smile.

The one and only Tony Stark stepped out of his suit, adjusting his watch as he stepped out.

"So, what are you both up to?" he asked, his lips scrunched inwards and his hands on his hips.

Both of you were silent until Loki began getting up and dusting himself off.

"Nothing, we were just about to leave" You noticed something about him, Loki that is. Something seemed different, and rightly so. You glanced behind you to see the real loki grab the helmet but sink down so he couldn't be seen.

"Oh good, I really cant have you both in here, off you go then."

Tony dismissed the two of you and you both left for ths door, and while he wasnt looking Loki diverged into his clone again but now holding the helmet.

Right before the two of you had reached the door, his suit came speeding past and covered the exit.

'Shit' was the only thing you could both think of. Neither of you turned around to see where or what the billionaire was doing, but you heard him.

"Wait a moment, wheres my helmet? Oh and Loki,I think you left something" Loki and you both turned around, Loki with his hands behind his back,obviously hiding something. Tony stood right in front of him,holding the other horn to his face with a wide smirk.

Quickly the suit begins you both snatched up the helmet and yourself as Tony pounced on the God of Mischief, his hands at his sides, wiggling his fingers all over.

Loki yelped and began lightly chuckling at the fingers that were tickling him, trying to step back but only into closed doors. He tried to use his hands to block the attack but Tony was having none of it.

"Sir I have the helmet and y/n, it seems they were moulding the horns onto it." Friday explained.

"Ohhh, so you were doing something? I thought you were the god of mischief? Not the God of lies?" Tony taunted, as he squeezed the puny gods sides, then quickly moved to a death spot, his hips. Squeezing tightly and vibrating his hands and fingertips causing Loku to fall down the wall with laughter.

"NoHoho!!!! Damn it StArarK!!!!" Loki yelled as he tried to force Tony's hands off him. Though he was incredibly weak from the torturous tickles.

It was a usual sight, Thor was usually tickling his younger brother for some reason or another, its what older brothers are fir though right? Loku would become a blushing screaming mess but he'd never learn. Same goes for you though, everyone in the compound knew your little weakness and would use it against toy for anything. Your laughter was just too cute!

As Tony abused Loki's sides and hips, he ordered Friday to put the helmet on the desk and tickle you. You squealed because as much as you enjoyed tickling, you couldn't never stand it when the robots tickled you. It was rare but in cases when Tony needed an extra set of hands, well he got em'.

The suit held you up and began using a vibrating simulation Tony had recently installed on the hands for some reason and placed them on your ribs whilst holding you in the air. And as this tickled you, because it did t seem like enough the suit also used it's big fingersto scrape and squeezed the insides of your armpits.

You kicked and squealed at the top of your lungs, trying to escape. Somehow being held in the air seemed much worse, and the vibrating cause you to laugh harder and harder when random electric bolts went through your skin.

After around 15 minutes Tony had both you and Loki in piles of laughter on the floor, weak and begging. Well you were begging, Loki was threatening.

"LEHEHET OFFFF! HAHAHHH IHIGIM GONNA KIHIHILL YOU!"

"Okie Doki horny. First let me do this and I'll let you go."

Tony lifted up Loki's lime green shirt and blew the largest raspberry right above his belly button. An inhuman screech came from Loki as he curled in on himself and howled with laughter from ghostly tickles and squeezes.

"As for you" Tony taunted as he walked over to you, you were not on the floor, twisting and turning to get away from this oncoming attack and the tickles. The suit held your hands above your head as Tony brought up your shirt to reveal your belly button.

"PLEHEASE DONT TOHONY!"

Tony looked up at you and smirked, "We all know you love it" and blew right on your belly button. Your laughter went silent and you melted into the floor as both let off.

Tony laughed at you both in giggly messes on the floor.

"I came back early, and the others will be back soon too. So I suggest you both go clean up your messes before you get something worse" Tony suggested as he walked over to his desk to suspect the iron helmet you'd worked on. You and Loki had now recovered- partly- from the attacks and took in what he said.

But it was too late, everyone heard birds chirping and Sam screaming.

"WHERE ARE THEY?!"

[aomineavenue]

Homesick (Miya Atsumu x f!Reader) | 001. the unexpected.

Summary: Six years ago, L/N Y/N wouldn’t exactly say that she loves her life. It had always been problematic but her best friend, Miya Atsumu, since she was eight when she moved to Hyōgo, has always been there for her, and she wouldn’t change it for the world. However, things would always fall apart for her ever since, so she should have expected of such. Running away from her problems seemed like the easiest route to take at the time, so what happens when the past comes barging back into her life demanding answers? Will she be able to confront her demons?

Pairings: Miya Atsumu x f!Reader

Updates: irregular.

Genre: Angst, ANGST I LOVE ANGST, a lil bit of fluff here and there.

Warnings: Language, etc. (Will be mentioned once posted because I don’t want spoilers huehue)

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters except for the reader and my ideas. I do not claim any images used for content in this fic, everything goes out to their respective creators unless it is mentioned that it is mine.

Status: ongoing. | series masterlist

↩ intro | the unexpected | a mother’s nightmare  ↪

mia’s speaks:

Okay, so before we start the story. I’d just like to explain that this may be a slow burn kinda thing because I fully want everyone to understand yn’s point of view after she ran away six years ago. We will eventually enter Atsumu’s point of view along the story, but for now, I hope you guys like this! Let me know what you guys think! 

It had been six years and to this day, it still haunts you. Well, what they say is true anyway. Everything you run away from will eventually continue to haunt you until you decide to face it head-on. Needless to say, you were feeling pretty pathetic. Six years later, and that is still what you felt to this day. Pathetically sad.

The cool air emitting from the air conditioner set up in the living room, mixed with the early morning cold winter atmosphere that engulfed most of Japan with its beautiful white coat, brushes against the patches of exposed skin causing you to shiver slightly, silently cursing to yourself for forgetting to turn the appliance off during the night before. You had awoken too early for your liking, the sun barely peeking as you left the comforts of your bed to grab a cup of coffee. You were never a morning person, only because it was the time where you were often left with your thoughts as the time slot was usually unproductive.

During such unproductive hours, your thoughts usually consumed you. If it weren't about work or the handful of people you hold close to your heart, it often leads you to thoughts of your life six years ago. You wondered what it would be like if you hadn't opted to run away from reality a few years back during your high school years. Your train of thought often wandered to countless possibilities if you had faced your problems earlier on. To you now, running away seemed almost petty. Well, sorta.

Would you have been happy? Would they have accepted things? Would you have grown apart? Would they have pushed you away?

Sadly, you'd never know. This is only because you fear the truth so you refuse to return and seek certain answers that no doubt will only lead to ultimate disaster. You fear the consequences of your actions. To simply put, you were a coward.

It had been six years and to this day, it still haunts you. Well, what they say is true anyway. Everything you run away from will eventually continue to haunt you until you decide to face it head-on. Needless to say, you were feeling pretty pathetic. Six years later, and that is still what you felt to this day. Pathetically sad.

You move your gaze away from the hot cup of coffee on the kitchen counter over to glance out of the window from your apartment, watching the dark skies slowly fade away to signal a brand new day on the horizon, the sun painting the sky a bright calming hue. Any minute now, your friends that had decided to crash at your place during the previous night are bound to wake up. Your tiny space had become some sort of safe haven for when they needed to hide away from their own problems, or when they needed you to nurse their drunken states.

Despite it sparking irritation within yourself, you could never bring yourself to deny them. The group had been nothing but a solid help for you the past six years when you fled from Hyōgo and where you settled yourself in the comforts of your late father's best friend back in Kanagawa, Suwa Riku, reconnecting with one of your childhood friends, Suwa Reiji. The loving Suwa family accepted you with open arms, practically calling you their own despite the situation you dug yourself in. Honestly, if they had turned you away, you would have probably ended up in the gutter somewhere in Japan as you had no other place to go. It wouldn't have even shocked you if they were to turn their backs at you when you had first came knocking on their front door, practically drenched from the pouring rain, it was barely enough to conceal the tears.

However, despite the past they barely knew, they accepted you with open arms without an ounce of judgment. If they were curious, they asked politely, and if certain questions were too difficult for you to answer, they respected your need for privacy.

When you had left everything behind in Hyōgo, you wanted to forget. You had deleted your previous profiles from any sort of social media platform that you had and changed your number when you had the chance. To everyone in Hyōgo, you completely disappeared, a mere ghost that residents either often gossiped about or have completely forgotten, it wasn't as if you were well known within the community, but—still, your disappearance had quite the impact. However, since no one has found you yet in the past six years, it probably meant that your mother didn't care. You assumed the same for your handful of friends. You stayed with the Suwa Family in Kanagawa for at least a year and a half, time for yourself and to get adjusted to your new life before you convinced yourself to get a job that will lead you to a somewhat peaceful life, you needed it for support, now more so than ever. Once again, you are in debt when your childhood friend Reiji offered you a job as a manager for their group. Of course, how could you say no? Despite the busy schedule, you managed enough, sometimes giving you the ability to be flexible.

Ah, yes. Suwa Reiji, the lead singer for the famous boy band, Galaxy Standard. The two of you had been friends before you had moved to Hyōgo when you were eight years old. Despite the distance between the two of you, when your father was still around since your fathers were close friends, the two of you did keep in touch. However, as you grew older and found new friends in Hyōgo, the need to keep in touch disappeared almost instantly. Thankfully, despite years of not having any contact with each other, the two of you reconnected, happy to be back in each other's lives.

The past six years, as you tried to find yourself and finally settle independently, Reiji was there.

And despite the exhausting job of managing a boy band, you adored it. It kept you occupied. Despite the boys being famous, you opted to keep your social media platforms private, or rather secret, only your friends and a few of Galaxy Standard's fans knew of it. Although the fans knew of your existence, you wanted your personal life private and thankfully, the management and fans respected that with the help from your friends who are aware of your situation. You wanted to stay hidden. Accompanying the boys in certain events, despite being a girl where it was typical for fangirls to grow upset because of the close contact with their idols, the fans respected you and often held polite conversations with you.

Yes, despite the troubles you have, you wouldn't deny the fact that you were indeed happy, but lately, something in the back of your mind has been irking you, making you feel extremely uneasy for not knowing what it could be. It frustrated you to no end.

"Someone looks like a vein in their head might pop," you hear Reiji tease as he approached. You roll your eyes before turning your attention over to the man that intruded your thoughts. Bless him, you were slowly becoming crazy with all the thinking. However, you weren't going to praise him or anything, despite Reiji's calm and humble personality towards others, he was a completely different person towards you; often teasing, most days very playful.

You snap back playfully, "Good morning to you, too." He occupies the seat across from you, despite stumbling to your apartment the previous night completely drunk from a party, the man before you showed no sign of a hungover, you were used to it by now. "Seriously, you and Shizuma need to find some other place to crash. I don't even know how you roped him into drinking, he was absolutely thrashed when the two of you arrived. Normally, he'd be the responsible one."

"Yeah, but once he starts drinking, there's no stopping him. And Nah," he chuckles as he leans against the counter, a yawn escaping his lips as he spoke midway, "Your place is comfy but also because I get to see the cute faces of my favourite nephews almost instantly, it's a bonus."

"Uncle Reiji!"

"Where's Uncle 'zuma?"

Speaking of the little devils. Both of your attentions snaps at the two identical figures that stepped out of their shared room and into the vicinity that you and Reiji occupied. 

The sight of their sleepy states warmed your heart at just how cute they have grown. Ah, yes. Your two boys. One of the two reasons why you preferred to keep your personal life, private. Of course, there was also Atsuhiko and Atsuhiro to think about. Your precious boys, your utmost priority. Everything you could ever want and more. They were the two that you could finally call home. As much as you know that your existence wouldn't be much of a big deal to the fans since you weren't entirely famous, you refused to let your boys get caught into any unnecessary drama that your friends have often got themselves into, so despite having famous uncles, you kept them shielded whenever you can. Of course, the fans of Galaxy Standard were aware of the existence of your little boys, often swooning when one of their idols were photographed with one of the twins. Needless to say, it always made the fans crazy, but you were grateful that the fans were respectful and never crossed the line whenever your boys were included.

Of course, the main reason why you wanted everything to be kept private was that you didn't want certain people to know the secret you've worked hard to stay hidden, but Japan was big, wasn't it? You often reassured yourself that it was impossible for paths to cross.

"Why are you looking for your Uncle Shizuma when I'm here?" Reiji asks, feigning hurt in his expression as both six-year-old boys approach, yawning and sleepily rubbing their eyes.

Atsuhiro, or rather Hiro, as he liked to be called sighs as he shakes his head at his uncle, "But Uncle 'zuma is the best."

"Now you take that back young man!" He scoffs as he playfully places his hands on his hips, "Who do you think raised you?"

The little boy tilts his head to the side as he watches his uncle in amusement of his antics, "Uncle 'zuma helped too! Mommy says he even helped out changing diapers which you didn't do!"

"But Uncle Reiji's the best! He always plays with us!" Atsuhiko, Hiko, retorts as he rushes over to his uncle to give him a high five, "Mommy, Uncle Rei said he's going to teach us some tricks like he did back then in Stride! Isn’t that cool?"

You send a glare towards the man that was mentioned by your son, who only avoided your gaze as he ruffles your son's hair, "Maybe something else. You can ask your uncles to teach you how to sing and dance like they always do, just not that dangerous sport."

Atsuhiko groans in protest while the other twin approaches you, wrapping his short arms around your leg, "Do you think they can teach us volleyball?"

"Oh yes!" Atsuhiko yells out happily agreeing with his twin, his dismay for his mother's earlier disapproval flying out the window as he looks at you with hope in his eyes, "Volleyball is so cool! Can we mommy?"

Almost instantly, a lump formed in the back of your throat at the mention of the mere sport, a reminder. It wasn't as if you were against the sport, but what caught you off guard was the interests your boys clearly showed. How ironic.

As you raised the two, whether at times you were alone or had help, you often pushed the twins away from certain reminders of your past. What was that? Anything that reminded you of your past in Hyōgo was pushed aside. It was rather petty, you knew that yourself but as the twin boys grew throughout the years, it didn't get unnoticed how their features screamed of the one and only Miya Atsumu. Well, you expected that—he is the father of your twin boys, but you silently prayed during your pregnancy and as you raised them that their features would come from your side of the family instead of his.

But of course, somehow you've upset the Gods for your pettiness. This was your consequence. A daily reminder. There's no denying of your love for your boys. They were your life and you wouldn't change anything because then they wouldn't exist. However, you've grown hateful of your past as years gone by. Your hatred for the awful memories had made it more difficult to forget.

You expected the interest in volleyball before they even mentioned it to you today. The clues in their shared room were enough for you to pick up that they were most likely to take after their father in a sense, not that they know of such.

Earlier, about two years prior when they first started in kindergarten, it was inevitable for such to talk about your families, you remember experiencing such back then despite it being foggy. They returned home, despite being young, they were smart for their age and bombarded you with questions without holding back; wondering about who was their father and where he was, or if Uncle Reiji or Uncle Shizuma were their fathers. Back then, you couldn't bring yourself to tell them the truth or even utter a single word about the man missing in their lives.

You experienced a whole week of silent treatment from your two boys because you refused to answer, their stubbornness hard as a rock. You refuse to answer their questions? Well, they, of course, fight back by refusing to talk to you. Oh, children, right? Of course, Reiji and Shizuma were a big help because to the twins, the two of your friends were practically the only father figures that they had. Since Atsuhiko and Atsuhiro refused to utter a word to you, they tried their best to talk to the twins, avoiding certain parts that they were too young to know about, and explained that when they grew up and they were ready to know, you would eventually let them know.

Bless the heavens because, after that, your two boys returned to their loving yet sneaky nature, never asking or mentioning about their father again. However, the majority of the conversations about their father were kept in secret between the two. Atsuhiro wanting to know more while Atsuhiko pushing the idea away, but not wanting to upset his brother, he keeps his dismay of their missing father from Atsuhiro, who grew more eager to find his father as years go by.

"What's with all the excitement at such an early hour? You two always have so much energy. What's this I hear about wanting to play volleyball?" Shizuma saves you from answering and you share a silent communication to send your gratitude for the interference.

Atsuhiro breaks out into a grin at the sight of his favourite uncle and immediately approaches him, "Uncle 'zuma, do you know how to play volleyball? Can you teach me and Hiko? Please?"

Shizuma chuckles in response, ruffling the little boy's messy locks, "I'm not that good but if you and your brother are serious about wanting to learn volleyball, I know a friend that may be of help."

"You do?" Atsuhiko asks, excitement in his voice.

You repeat, arching a brow in curiosity, "You do?"

"Well he's more of Asuma's friend than mine but we're good acquaintances," he answers with a shrug of his shoulders, "I'll see what I can do for my two favourite nephews."

"Yes!" The twins exclaim happily at the same time before running towards each other to share their routine handshake.

"Now that's settled," Reiji starts, clapping his hands together to grab the attention from everyone in the room, "Aren't you two supposed to be getting ready for your day with Grandpapa and Grandmama Suwa? You wouldn't want to keep those two waiting, I heard they have a really big day planned ahead for the two of you."

Ah, Grandpapa and Grandmama Suwa. Reiji's parents, and well—your substitute parents and the twins' substitute grandparents. Despite not being biologically related, they treated the three of you like a real family. They helped you throughout your pregnancy and at the same time raising your two boys. They did what any grandparent would do, discipline and spoil them. You wouldn't change it for the world. The love they had for your boys was overwhelming, and Atsuhiko and Atsuhiro completely adored their substitute grandparents just the same.

Atsuhiro releases a gasp from his lips at the realization of the big day, he had been excited, to say the least, rushing to get prepared whilst Atsuhiko frowns and stays rooted in where he stood, "But today's Uncle Asuma's birthday! I want to go too!"

"No can do, kiddo." Shizuma shakes his head, crossing his arms across his chest; an indication the twins are familiar with that meant it was not up for any negotiation. "You know this party isn't for little boys, your Uncle Asuma already told you this, but he promised to take both of you out tomorrow to make up for it. You and Hiro can celebrate his birthday tomorrow, I promise."

Atsuhiko releases a dramatic sigh, throwing his little hands in the air as he stomps his way to get ready, knowing that if he were to argue, he would inevitably lose. Oh well, he thought to himself, Grandpapa and Grandmama are the best anyway. 

"I don't know how you do it, 'zuma." You let out a laugh, shaking your head. "Those two have become spoiled to the core because of all of us, yet when it comes to you and their Grandpapa Riku, they suddenly become little angelic-slash-monsters who obey every command."

Shizuma lets a grin spread on his lips, "Some things can't be taught. Anyway, I'll get going. I have to help prep Asuma's party. I'll see you guys there."

"I'll get going too," Reiji declares as he stands up from his seat, "Don't back out of the party, I'll drag you there if I have to, I swear."

You roll your eyes at them, more so at Reiji than Shizuma, shooing them with your hands as you follow them to the front door, "Yeah, whatever. I'll be there. Stop worrying."

Dropping the twins at the Suwa Residence after eating lunch together was often smooth sailing as the twins always adored spending the day with their substitute grandparents. However, Atsuhiko expressed his dismay of being left behind once again insisting of wanting to attend his Uncle Asuma's birthday party, you had to pry his hands away from his grip on your leg. Thankfully, you had help from his Grandpapa Riku, and after waving goodbye to a smiling Atsuhiro and a scowling Atsuhiko, you were off to get a few errands done before heading to Asuma's apartment to celebrate his birthday, taking your sweet time to avoid your favourite, yet rowdy bunch of friends, only because they probably wanted you to help them set up the party, which you didn't want to take part in.

Honestly, you could have chosen otherwise but decided against skipping the errands that would most probably pile up despite the break Galaxy Standard was having. Plus, you may or may not have, forgotten to get a gift for Asuma and if you showed up empty-handed, well, you weren't going to hear the end of it.

Hours went by as you got through your list of errands, you were left with messages and certain phone calls that you ignored throughout the day, you were finally able to buy a suitable gift for your friend. All there was left to do was show up to the party that was apparently already in full swing. Thankfully, your friend's lavish apartment was around the corner.

You waited for the traffic lights to signal the safe journey across the busy streets, your grip on the neatly wrapped gift on one hand slightly tightening against you as you shiver from Japan's cool winter breeze bustling through the air, something you're still obviously not very fond of. For as long as you can remember, you hated the cold. It was a bitter reminder of the times you were utterly alone. You always preferred the warm temperature, whether it was from a fireplace or someone else, it kept you from going numb, made to remind you of reality.

The sound of your phone ringing startles you from your thoughts and you pull the device from one of your pockets, Reiji's name flashing across the screen. You grumble to yourself of his impatience before answering the call, bringing the device up to press against your ear. Before you could utter a word, he beats you to it in a demanding tone, "Where are you? You're late."

"Hold your horses, Rei." You answer in irritation as you look up ahead to check the traffic lights that still had the signal to stay where you were, "I'm almost there. Be patient." However, you couldn't process the words Reiji muttered next from the other line. Someone calling out your name catching your attention, your eyes widening slightly at the realization of who it was. Immediately, you cut off Reiji's rambling from the other line and ended the call, slipping the phone back into your pocket as you feel your shoulder tense at his presence standing next to you. "Osamu."

"So it is you," he blinks in disbelief, his eyes drinking your features bit by bit to check if he was dreaming or not, "You look different, I barely recognized you if it weren't for your voice, but it really is you."

You nod stiffly, "I suppose I would since it has been six years and all. What are you doing all the way here in Kanagawa?"

Suddenly, a memory flashes across your mind. A memory of earlier in your apartment, Shizuma mentioning a friend who knew how to play volleyball. No, it couldn't be, right?

"Ah, I'm actually checking a few spots around here for my business," he lifts his shoulders in a shrug, "So Kanagawa, huh? This is where you've been hiding all this time?"

Your lips press into a thin line, feeling uneasy under his gaze. Of course, you would, you're practically hiding a really big secret. "I'm sorry, I don't have time to chat. I have plans and my friends are already egging me on for being late."

The traffic lights save you from a painful conversation, signalling that it was safe to cross but before you could take a step away, you feel him grasp onto your shoulder to pull you back. You turned your head to face him, ready to fight him off but you halted your actions at the sign of sadness his features displayed. You took the time to examine his features, your heart practically leaping as you were able to take in everything unlike seconds ago where you were purposely trying to leave. Of course, back then when you were friends, you considered Osamu as handsome. I mean, why wouldn't you? You were practically in love with his twin brother who you found extremely handsome at the time. However, that wasn't what ran through your mind. You began thinking that Atsumu probably looked just as good, and suddenly you felt a shitload of bricks slamming right down on your shoulders, the feeling of panic surging through your veins, wondering if Atsumu was around too that you failed to notice Osamu pull out a small card from his wallet, holding it out for you to take. He seemed to read your thoughts as he spoke to reassure you, "Don't worry. He's not here, but..." He trails off, looking at you with hope in his eyes, "take this, it has my number on it. When you're ready, I'm here to listen. I always have been. I want to know what you've been up to. I want to catch up."

At Osamu's reassurance, you feel your shoulders slowly relax as you take the card from him, your eyes scanning the printed numbers and words, Ongiri Miya, making you realize that he hadn't pursued Volleyball like his twin often rambled on. You flicker your gaze up to meet his once more and he gives you a small smile. You slowly nod as you slip the card into one of your back pockets, "I have to go."

He watches you leave, the smile he had instantly morphed into a frown as he watches you walk away once more and eventually disappear from his line of sight. He silently prayed that you would contact him when you could, wanting to reconnect with you after all these years, to know why you left. He promises to himself that when you do decide to reach out, that you wouldn't mention anything to his idiot brother.

He noted the shift of your body, how your shoulders relaxed at the mention of someone not being around, he knew that you had thought about his brother. And it only confirmed his suspicion of you leaving because of what his brother had done six years ago, the last day people saw you in Hyōgo. However, something still was missing, he still craved an answer. You couldn't have left just because of Atsumu's actions. So what was it?

Either way, he was determined to find out. You may have not known it then, but Osamu cared about you a lot. However, due to you being blinded by his twin brother's light, you failed to notice. He wasn't going to let you go this time, he'll find a way to get you back in his life. His phone blares his ringtone, snapping him out of his thoughts. As he brings his phone up, he grumbles underneath his breath at the sight of his brother's incoming call. Speak of the devil.

"What is it?"

He hears his brother whine from the other line, "Can't I just call my brother once in a while?"

"You only ever do that when you're in trouble or need something," he retorts with a roll of his eyes.

Atsumu laughs in response, "How'd the shop searching go? Anything interesting so far? When you coming back?"

"Hold up, what's with the questions?" He laughs at the sound of his brother's enthusiasm. It's true, they often disagreed with each other but when it came to supporting each other's passion, they were always there for the other. He shifts his gaze over to where you stood moments ago, a smile ghosting his lips at the memory of the brief conversation the two of you shared. "Yeah, maybe something interesting here in Kanagawa after all." He listens to his brother speak excitedly over the phone causing him to shake his head at the ridiculous tone. "Oh? He's here? Maybe I can hit him up..."

After the encounter with Osamu, you practically quickened your pace to Asuma's apartment, your heart beating erratically. You hadn't even realized you were holding your breath until you were gasping for air. Luckily, the majority of Asuma's guests were preoccupied that they hadn't noticed your entrance. You were sure you looked embarrassing looking extremely flustered.

You hear your name being called and as soon as you caught your breath, you notice Shizuma calling you over, Asuma and Reiji along with someone you seem to recognize but can’t seem place in your mind. Walking over, your lips curl up to a small smile as you extend your arm to hand over Asuma's gift, "Happy Birthday, 'suma. Here's my gift."

Asuma's eyes instantly light up, retrieving the gift from you, "I was going to get mad at you for being late but since you have a gift for me, I'll let it slide. Did the boys pick this for me?"

"Gee, aren't I lucky." You drawl sarcastically, a laugh being shared within the group as you shake your head, "No, you think those two would let me give them your gift? They said they'll give it to you tomorrow when you take them out. Hiko was upset when I left him with his Grandpapa Riku, though. He had this cute little scowl." Your three friends laugh, imagining their nephew in their heads. You flicker your attention over to the person who was watching you interact with the others with amusement, you smile at him politely. "I'm sorry. How rude of me."

"Oh, right!" Shizuma speaks as soon as your name slips out of your mouth to introduce yourself, holding out your hand for a shake which he grabs, "This is the friend I was talking about that can teach the boys volleyball."

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" He starts with a grin as he shakes your hand firmly, his enthusiasm infectious. Releasing his grip on your hand, he sends a little wave, "Bokuto Koutarou I'm a friend of Asuma's. Shizuma here was just telling me about your boys and how they were interested in volleyball and I wouldn't mind helping them out."

Asuma adds, "He's a professional volleyball player for Japan's V.League in Division 1. MSBY Black Jackals was it?"

You watch as the man who you thought kind of resembled a horned owl nod his head towards Asuma's direction, something about him oddly familiar. You hum along, eyes widening slightly at the information. "Professional? Wow, colour me impressed. Wouldn't you be too busy to train two six-year-olds, then?"

"I'll speak for everyone who knows her two boys that they're absolute devils," Reiji chuckles with a shake of his head, "Fast learners though. We'd teach them how to run like in Stride if we could but their mother over here refuses."

You scoff, "Because that sport can be dangerous!"

"Stride, huh?" Bokuto butts in, interested. "But yes, I have some time to teach. I'm sure they'll be okay. I owe Asuma anyway. I don't mind."

The corners of your mouth twitch to an unsure smile. You didn't know if you were going to go through with this if you were honest, but it isn't exactly something you can reject as your three other friends were present, and they would do anything for their favourite set of twins, spoiled rotten those two were.

"Don't worry," Shizuma claims, nudging you with his elbow as he gives you a reassuring smile, "They'll be in good hands, one of us will find the time to attend their little training. We're not as busy lately due to our little holiday anyway."

You hum softly as you continue to examine Bokuto under your gaze before something in your mind clicks, eyes widening ever so slightly. “I think I know you! Weren’t you at the Christmas Party last year that Reiji held?” 

He nods with a grin, “I was actually. Asuma invited me and I went along with a couple of friends. Funny how we’ve crossed paths before and yet we’re only meeting now, ay?”

“Ah, yeah. I think I remember now, sort of.” you laugh, nodding your head in agreement, “That party was crazy anyway. I don’t think anyone wants to remember that crazy night. Especially Reiji.” 

The man mentioned scoffs, rolling his eyes. “That’s why whenever I plan parties it’s never at my place anymore.” He shudders at the memory, “Drunk bastards doing the nasty at my place. And that model’s awful moaning could be heard even when the music was blasting.” 

You scrunch up your face in disgust, “Thankfully I left early then,”

An awkward laugh escapes Bokuto’s lips as he scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “Yeah about that...” 

“That was you?” you and Asuma let out a gasp, eyes widening while Shizuma bursts out laughing. Reiji on the other hand, obviously not amused at the information. 

“Dude, what the heck!” Reiji exclaims, brows furrowing, “The least you could have done was choose a guest bedroom rather than on my own bed!” 

“Oy!” he laughs, holding his hands out, “I didn’t say it was me. I was just saying I know who it was. It was one of my friends, but I’d rather not say who.” 

Asuma joins his older brother Shizuma in laughing at the side while you try your best to calm down Reiji by tugging on his arm. “Anyway, Bokuto. I think we should talk about the schedule of your training with my boys. I’m sure they’ll be excited when they find out someone will be training them volleyball.”

Somehow, a part of you was screaming at you, telling you that this wasn't going to end well. Of course, you didn't realize at the time that you would come to regret such a decision, not like you had any say against it either. Your little boys were spoiled rotten and often got their way whether through innocent means or their sneaky tactics. It didn't help that their group of uncles were wrapped around their little fingers.

Ah, yes. You hadn't realized it yet, but it was the start of a roller coaster ride.

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 5/5

"Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read the final chapter below or the entire work on ao3

—

“Help us, Saras—” a stream of coughing rings out, eating up the rest of the words.

“What the hell happened!?”

“I don’t know! One minute he was kicking ass, and the next—”

“He’s down! Oracle, scan him for signs of life.”

Their voices sound far and muffled, like he was under a foot of ice.

“He’s alive, I know he is. Kikur…” More coughing, wet and almost retching. “Dammit!”

“Skull hasn’t moved in ages and we pumped him with more Diaharan than we know what to do with!”

“Then why isn’t he moving?”

He feels like he got hit with back-to-back garbage trucks, all fully loaded with an entire city’s trash and was going eighty down the freeway.

“I...I don’t know…!”

“Why not? Why the hell not?”

“Joker!”

“Unicorn—” Actual retching comes this time, sporadically. “Why isn’t—!”

“Please stop! You’re only going to get yourself hurt!”

“Akira. Quit it, or I’ll cast a Dormin so strong you’ll wake up next year.”

A groan escapes his lips, and all arguing stops.

“Oh thank god,” Makoto’s voice sighs in relief. “Skull? Can you hear us?”

“Skull?” A leather-clad hand touches his cheek. “Are you with me?”

Ryuji suddenly bolts upright. “Konoe!” The whole world lurching sideways but he ignores the nausea. “Where is he?”

“Gone,” Yusuke replies. He’s looking slightly better than when he last saw him, able to stand on his feet again. “Disappeared, just like the rest of them. In no small part thanks to you.”

“It was more than that,” Haru disagrees. “It was nearly completely thanks to him. Your last battle with him was quite a spectacle.”

“It really was,” Sophia agrees. “You got hit near the end, though.”

“Oh,” he forces a laugh. “My bad. Must’ve worried you guys. Thanks for the heal.”

“‘Thanks for the heal’?”

Any levity that was present gets sucked away as Akira pulls his hand away from him, expression unreadable. “It wasn’t just a heal, Ryuji. It was a Recarm.”

He winces, eyes darting away. “That must’ve been scary for you,” he mutters. “Sorry.”

“I’m not interested in an apology. I’m looking for an explanation.”

“What am I supposed to explain? He caught me off guard, it happens. I might be good, but I’m not getting out of a fight with the creator of the Metaverse Part Two without a scratch.”

“It was a scratch. I’ve seen you take bullets better than that,” Akira says flatly. “The strangest thing about all this is that I think you knew about this. I think you knew what would happen if you got hit, no matter how light it was.”

Do not panic. Do not panic. “Spit it out. What are you trying to say?”

“I think something’s up and you’re hiding something from me.”

“Guys,” Futaba whispers. “Don’t fight.”

Akira turns on her, taking in her expression for a long moment before his eyes widen. “You know about it,” he realizes.

“What?!”

“You knew that he changed, and you didn’t tell me.” His eyes flashed. “Futaba, he could’ve died, and you didn’t say anything.”

“Stop it.” Ann’s voice was low and hard. “Don’t take out what you’re feeling on her.”

Looking away from Futaba, Akira scans each and everyone of their faces, and it dawns on him. “You knew.” Hurt takes up every syllable, heavy but small at the same time. “You all knew, and nobody told me. I can’t believe this.”

“Don’t get mad at them,” Ryuji snaps. There’s no way he’s letting his friends take the fall for his own actions. “You’re getting worried over nothing. I took a hit—that’s it. Bad guy defeated, let’s move on.”

“I’m not moving on if people on my team, people that I thought I could trust are hiding things from me,” he insists. “Especially you. Dammit, Ryuji, I thought I could trust you!”

His stomach doesn’t twist. Instead, a gigantic pair of scissors made up of Akira’s words goes ahead and snips off his stomach from his intestines, and he’s free falling with nowhere to crash land.

“What the fuck else do you want from me?” Everyone but Akira flinches at his words. “I beat Konoe, didn’t I? You were worried about that, you wanted to retreat because you thought I wouldn’t be able to do it, but I did it!”

“What I want from you is to be safe. That’s it.”

“But that shouldn’t be the only thing you want! Don’t you want us to win? Don’t you want us to be able to finish what we started?”

Akira shakes his head, frustrated, and starts rummaging through his pockets.

“What are you doing?”

“We aren’t fighting here.” A Goho-M flashes in his palm, and before anyone can say anything, they blink and suddenly they’re at the entrance of the Jail again. “Everyone, get out.”

Ryuji glares at him as the rest scurries to the entrance as quickly as possible without making it look like they’re making a run for it. Akira stares back.

“...Fine.”

The familiar but unpleasant swirl between the transition of the Jail and the real world takes over them, feeling their cells tear apart from each other before instantly clicking back into place, and then they were at the foot of the Tenboto tower.

Akira’s eyes don’t leave his. “Everyone who isn’t Ryuji, go find something else to do. We need some time to talk.”

Nobody questions it except for Futaba. “Um, do you want me to take—”

He shoves his hand in his pocket and throws his phone at her. Usually, the rose gold shade always makes him crack a smile, but he doesn’t even look at it this time. “Here.”

When she still doesn’t leave, Akira spares her a glance. “What is it?”

“Don’t...don’t be too harsh on him.”

“Don’t push it. I’m still upset that you didn’t say anything about this.”

Futaba’s head falls downwards as she walks away, Sophia in tow.

“So?” Ryuji crosses his arms. “Are we good?”

“No, we are not good, Ryuji. You argued with me over something stupid, spat in my face and deliberately went against with what I knew would be better for all of us, and worse than all of that, you knew that your defense is down by an insane amount.”

“Who cares if it’s down! Get the fuck over it, we already won.”

Akira's jaw goes slack. “Who are you? Why are you acting like this? What’s gotten into your head that you’re trying to pretend that I don’t care about your health and your safety?”

“Because you shouldn’t,” he insists. “You’re slowing the rest of us down by doing this whole hero schtick—if you just focus on what we need to do rather than something like my god damn endurance then things would go so much faster!”

“I don’t give a shit about efficiency, and do you have any idea what it even means for you to have a drastic change in your Persona? Or are you just looking for another stupid thing to argue about?”

He draws back, shame instinctively bubbling at the implication. “No, but it can’t be that damn important for us to be fighting like this.”

“Personas are the strength of the heart,” Akira roughly prods at his chest. “Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you believe in, your Persona would reflect that.”

“Okay? So what?”

A shift overcomes his expression, and Akira closes his eyes. When he speaks, it’s like he’s an ethereal being rather than a boy his age. “You seek power, correct? Since your name has been disgraced already, why not hoist the flag and wreak havoc?”

“The ‘other you’ who exists within desires it thus,” Ryuji finishes, frowning. “Why do you have that memorized?”

“Because I’ve memorized everyone’s awakenings, and because I think that’s the reason why you can’t take a hit anymore but you can throw a punch the way you can,” Akira shoots back. “You awakened your Persona to ‘wreak havoc’ on the people who piss you off, right?”

“Yeah.” His patience is waning thin. “What’s your point?”

“What if that feeling—rage against corrupt adults, your need to wreak havoc on them—what if that gets flipped around and you direct that on yourself?”

“What?” Ryuji shakes his head. “Is that even possible?”

“I can almost guarantee it, because your stats are shuffling like crazy. Your endurance is down, yeah, but do you know what skyrocketed in its place? What nearly tripled?”

“My strength?”

“Exactly. Look, I don’t know what happened, but something has shifted in your heart enough to make you believe that it’s more important to be strong than to keep yourself alive.”

Akira shoves his glasses higher on his nose, and Ryuji swallows when he sees his hand shake. “Tell me. Please. I won’t get mad, or disappointed, or whatever you think I’ll feel if you tell me. I just want you to be honest with me. I want us to work this out.”

It’s the way he says it, like it’s really that simple. Like the two of them can take on any problem together, no matter how big it is, because it’s them. They’re two pieces of a puzzle—they can only ever see the bigger picture when they both click into place. It would be easy, because Akira makes it easy.

A droplet of rain lands hard on his shoulder. He opens his mouth.

“Just because I’m not telling you something, doesn’t it mean gives you the right to hound the fuck out of me until I cave.”

Akira recoils like he’s been slapped in the face. “I just want to understand.”

“And I just want you to leave me alone, okay?” He wipes away the rain from his face only for it to be replaced almost immediately. “You don’t—you just don’t fucking get it, Kurusu. You have no idea what it’s like being a piece of shit, you have no idea what it’s like being a moron, with everyone hating you—”

What? He doesn’t mean that. Of course Akira gets it. That’s how they got to know each other in the first place.

“You don’t know what it’s like to hear so much shit about you wherever you go—”

That’s not true, either. Why is he saying this?

“To have no one even take a look at you, to be a ghost, to not even exist anymore—”

Are you kidding? That’s all Akira lives through in his hometown.

Ryuji levels a gaze at him, chest burning. “You don’t know what it’s like being nothing,” he finishes.

Akira stands there, staring at him, refusing to wipe the rain away from his face. His mouth opens, before closing again, and shakes his head. His movements are jerky and stilted.

When Akira looks up, his eyes are empty. “You don’t know a single thing about me.”

He turns around and walks away without another word, leaving Ryuji to stand alone, drenched in the rain and feeling like gasoline is eating through his chest, and all he can do is burn.

Osaka has bright lights and has the scent of mouth-watering in its every nook and cranny, but the only thing Ryuji can process right now is the squelch of his socks with every step he takes.

He’s only vaguely aware that he’s moving, traversing through Dotonbori in a hazed state. It’s like his consciousness left his body, trapped and distant, the burning in his chest turned into something smoldering, filling his entire being with suffocating smoke.

Ryuji’s spent who knows how long staggering through the streets, unfamiliar sights with unfamiliar people, and none of it has the same excitement that normally comes with them visiting a new place. The rain hasn’t let up, and his t-shirt has long since been soaked through. His body is still crazy sore, with his ankles begging for rest, but the idea of stopping makes him nauseous.

A large body hits his shoulder, and it nearly knocks him sideways. “Watch where you’re going, dumbass.”

“S-sorry,” he manages, but the stranger is already gone by the time he finishes.

Ryuji scrubs his eyes and looks up, surprised that he isn’t horrifically lost. He’s at one of the dual bridges in Dotonbori, a place that he recognizes because he and Ann stuffed their faces with so much takoyaki they could barely breathe afterwards.

His body sags against the bridge’s concrete railing, exhaustion making itself known, forearms pressed in an odd angle that he knows is going to leave weird patterns etched into his skin. In his pocket, his phone buzzes angrily, but he ignores it.

He scrubs his eyes again, harder. He hasn’t cried, which sucks. In fact, he hasn’t even felt the familiar panic build up in him, and he didn’t even know it was possible to miss that feeling. The feeling of something other than the gaping hole inside of him, only getting bigger.

For the first time in his life, he wishes he was angry, just so he can stop feeling this never-ending plane of nothing.

That’s a lie, actually—there’s some anger, too. A lot of it. At himself.

His phone buzzes again, and Ryuji can’t even muster a meager response. I’m fine, don’t worry, is what he’s supposed to say.

Bullshit. All he can ever do is say bullshit, over and over again.

Pressing his forehead against the edge of the concrete, he grits his teeth, staring down at his hands, miserable and desperate for something to take away this gnawing feeling inside of him, eating its way through his gut like an insatiable parasite. He tries focusing on the waves lapping against the stone below him, on the pitter-patter of the rain that’s coating his skin, on the chatter from the people behind him, but he can’t because all he can see behind his eyelids is the hurt in Akira’s face and the crack in his voice when he spoke and it’s Ryuji’s fault because he fucking sucks and he’s incapable of keeping anything good in his life and he’s trying to cry but it’s not coming, why isn’t he crying, please let him get some fucking relief, why can’t he cry—

A shadow casts over him, and he’s about to move out of the way when shoes enter his periphery. Standard sneakers except for colorful beads tied into the shoelaces.

“Yo,” Futaba greets, holding an umbrella over him.

Ryuj tries for a laugh, but it comes out hollow and pathetic. “You track my phone?”

“No.” There’s a pause. “Akira mentioned that you have a thing for bridges.”

His heart goes utterly still, before beating into overdrive. “Leave me alone,” he finds himself saying. “Just fucking get out of here, Futaba.”

“No.”

“No?” It’s sick how fiercely glad he is to be able to grasp onto anger like a lifeline. “I don’t want to be around anyone, don’t you get it? Leave me alone, Jesus, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one in the group.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“And why not?”

“Because you didn’t leave me, even when I really, really wanted you to.” The gaze behind her eyes is unreadable. “You dragged me out of my tomb, screaming and kicking, but you didn’t let go.”

His lungs tightened up. “I don’t want to be around anyone right now,” he says weakly.

“Then I’m not here.” Futaba readjusts her grip on the umbrella, careful that he was still covered. She trains her eyes on a random point in the distance, away from him. “No one’s here. I’m just another stranger, and you’re just some guy who’s talking to the rain.”

They stand there for a while, unspeaking. Each passing second lets the aggravation seep out of him, bit by bit.

“Can…” he tries eventually. Maybe he can let it out, just a little bit. Enough to stop the boiling froth from spilling over the pot, maybe the water would stop rising. “Can I ask you a question?”

When she doesn’t answer, he looks down into the black water.

“What’s it like hating yourself?” he asks. “Like, really, really hating yourself. All you want to do is hide, in your room or away from everyone else. You don’t want to die, you don’t want to disappear, either. You just want to...stop. To the point where you don’t even know what you want anymore—do you want to just keep hiding? Do you want to tell everyone, to finally let someone know? To let the one person who fucking matters know what’s happening to you?”

A boat passes underneath them, and he can see a couple drinking together, laughing. “Isn’t it so embarrassing? You failed so fucking much, and you’re only making it worse by hiding it from everyone. You hid it so much, you were so unwilling to let them know, that you actually ran the damn risk of them leaving.”

The last of Ryuji’s resolve, weak as it was already, crumbles. Something inside Ryuji cracks, and his eyes are wide, so wide they might roll out of their sockets. “I couldn’t tell him, Futaba,” he rasps out. “I couldn’t—what if he leaves me? What if I lose the only damn thing that made my life something worth getting out of my room for? What’s going to happen when he realizes I’m nothing more than the kid with the fucked up leg who failed high school?”

Futaba continues to listen in silence, unable to hold back the streams of hot tears running down her cheeks.

“He loves me,” he says this with an unshakeable force, an unforeseen barrier unwilling to be broken down by anything. “I know that for a fact. But—” he sucks in a breath, and before he can stop himself, he leans his body over the bridge.

“I’m so fucking selfish!” he yells. “I can’t! I can’t tell him! I can’t face another failure, I can’t do it, it’s going to kill me, I swear to god. I failed myself, I failed all of you,” he wildly gestures at her. “I failed my mom, but I can’t fail him. Not him, anyone but him.”

“Sir Sakamoto Ryuji.”

He turns his head to her with a crumpled expression, and she wipes her face with her sleeve before grabbing his hand, pulling him away from the bridge. Ryuji is too surprised to resist. ”W-what?”

She doesn’t turn back, and despite her hoarse voice, her words don’t shake. “I will not let you continue your great sin of wrath unto yourself. You cannot,” she tugs harder, and he stumbles forward. “You cannot keep yourself in this, this darkness of hatred and anger, and thus I, Sakura Futaba, a member of the Phantom Thieves, have decided to intervene.”

“Was—” It took a lot of effort, but he composed himself enough to keep up with her short legs. “Was that a calling card?”

“You’re damn right it is, with or without the fancy paper.” Futaba glances back, and her eyes are shining and determined. “I wasn’t ready at all when you guys showed up in my room to take my heart, but good thing you did, because that was exactly what I needed. So here I am dragging you out, kicking and all. You’re going to tell Akira—”

“I can’t,” he pleads, weakly crossing the street when she keeps pulling. “Dude, I just told you why I absolutely cannot.”

“You’re going to, and that’s final.”

“No!”

And to his absolute shock, she stops in the middle of the road, expression defiant. Cars honk and flip them off, but it does nothing to deter her.

“Get out of the way!” he screams, roughly pulling at her, but Futaba doesn’t budge. “Get off the road!”

“Welcome to my ultimatum: I’m not moving until you go to him!” she points directly at him, ignoring the way headlights flash over her and puddles splash on her shorts. “You say he loves you? Cool, now prove to him that you love him.”

Ryuji rolls up his sleeves. “I’m going to carry you off of the street, you gremlin.”

“Try me, because I’m going to scream so loud,” she says seriously, and he knows she is.

“You’re insane!” he yells back, because she is.

“And you’re a moron, and it’s not because you couldn’t do academic whatnot!” Her glare is hot steel and he’s nothing more than a warm stick of butter. “He’s known you since day one, has seen you at bedrock level, and he’s still following you around like you’re some kind of queen bee and he’s the hive. You’re going to talk to him, or I swear on my mom’s grave that I’m going to jump in front of a big truck and you’re gonna have to be the one to explain to everyone why I died.”

Screw it. He rushes forward, picks her up and, because she’s never been one to back down in anything, she screams from the top of her lungs until he eventually sets her down on the other side of the road.

“Hey!” she stomps her foot. “That’s cheating!”

“Are you out of your damn mind?”

“No more than you, you clown!” she yells. “Why don’t you want to tell him?!”

“I already told you why!”

“Then what if he felt the same? What if this happened to him, and he kept it from you this entire time?”

The thought is enough to make him feel uneasy. “He doesn’t feel the same.”

“But what if he did?” Futaba insists.

“Then of course I’d want to know,” he answers before he can stop himself, and quickly adds, “But he doesn’t.”

“If he was, though, then you—” she prods his chest. “Are hurting him. You’re hurting him, and I thought you loved him, and I thought you didn’t want to disappoint him. You’re a gigantic hypocrite, and screw being a bad boyfriend,” she spits the word as if eager to rid it off her tongue. “You’re being a really freaking bad best friend.”

They stare each other down, with Futaba breathing hard and him, completely unseeing.

“You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” she says immediately. “But elaborate.”

“I’m being a really, really bad best friend.” His fingers make their way to the root of his hair and starts pulling. “I made this entire thing about me, and my problems.”

“To be fair, they were pretty big problems.”

“Yeah but...holy shit, I completely—I completely forgot that this trip is about Akira and to make sure that he’s smiling, and happy, and stress-free and—I fucked all of that to hell.”

“You did,” she agrees, relentless. “Totally screwed the pooch, but hey, you know what? There’s a big plus sign to all of this:” Futaba throws up jazz hands weakly. “You can still fix this!”

“I can still fix this…” he repeats, in a daze, and he slaps his face with both hands. “I can still fix this, dammit! This isn’t going to be another failure; I’m going to take this,” he wildy gesticulates around himself. “And shred it down so Akira doesn’t have to worry anymore. I’ll talk to him, he’ll understand, and we’re going to have a fan-fucking-tastic rest of the summer vacation, even if my life is horrible and falling apart.”

She nods enthusiastically. “But we can all fix it together once we get back home. One step at a time. First,” she levels him with a look. “You’re going to talk to Akira.”

“I have to. He’s had my back since day one, and I promise I’d do anything for him.” Even if it means showing himself, every ugly part of himself, to the most amazing person that’s ever walked on planet earth. The panic twitches inside of him, coming alive again, but he doesn’t push it away. He lets that feeling wash over him, that adrenaline, and he starts jumping on his feet. “I’m going to talk to Akira,” he announces, looking around to see any place that Akira’s eye might catch. “I need to find him, ASAP.”

“Say no more.” She pulls up her phone. “This won’t take more than two minutes.”

Glancing around wildly, something catches his attention, and he grins. “No need. I know exactly where he is.”

“You do?” A hard slap lands on his back, pushing him forward with a yelp. “Then go! Run to him! Get out of your tomb, Ryuji! I’ll see you on the other side!”

He takes a few steps forward, before turning around and quickly taking Futaba in a hug. “Love you, shorty,” he says seriously.

“I love you too.” She hugs him back tightly before letting go. “Get out of here before you find a new insecurity to change your mind.”

Ryuji opts to ignore that last bit and sets off, sneakers slapping the wet concrete as he runs, Tenboto Tower already in his sights.

“Akira!”

Everyone jumps as he slams the glass entrance open, loud and unyielding as he runs past tourists, wildly taking in each of their faces and pausing at none of them. He sucks at everything—at school, at being a good friend, at basic communication. But this? Facing public humiliation in front of strangers?

“Akira!”

He can do this any day of the week.

Nervous employees start to approach him and Ryuji books it before they can get close. Not on the ground floor, but he knew that before he even came in here. Elevator, he thinks, skidding to a halt to see that it’s already six floors up. It would take too long.

Letting out a sharp breath, he lets his feet take him to the stairwell, apathetic to the fact that he’s about to sprint up eighty-eight meters.

He’s an idiot. A moron. World’s biggest buffoon. That doesn’t surprise anyone, least of all him.

The soles of his sneakers squeak as it slaps against concrete stairs, using the railing to propel him up faster.

And he hates it. He fucking hates being the dumb one so much that it hurts.

A couple that was making out screams when he barely dodges them, and he doesn’t even have it in him to be embarrassed.

He wants nothing more than to bury that part of him. Shamefully, completely. Like a corpse, or some ancient artifact. Gone for the rest of time.

Sweat streams down his back and it’s gross and he doesn’t care, not one damn bit.

But if burying it means destroying what he built with Akira? If scrambling to hide actually makes things worse when the only thing he wanted was to preserve what the two of them have?

His throat is drying up and he can feel his thighs about to split in half, but he keeps going, keeps running.

Then screw it—the whole world is about to know what a big failure he is.

Ryuji bursts through the door to the top deck, gasping for breath and dozens of heads turn to him. Gulping down as much air as his lungs can take in, “Akira!?” he booms, and he knows he’s being an asshole but he doesn’t care right now.

Nothing happens. He grits his teeth and starts running again, soaked shoes ruining plush carpet as he looks for a familiar patch of messy hair. Ryuji evades tourists left and right, around gift shop stalls and hundred yen telescopes, ignoring the picturesque view from the huge glass windows. Just like he thought—from up here, it looks eerily like you were overlooking the entire city of Tokyo if you were desperate for any sense of familiarity.

And that’s exactly what Akira had needed at the time.

Come on, come on. He’s about to hit a full circle around the observation deck and he still hasn’t spotted him. I know you’re here. There’s no way that you’d be anywhere else in the city.

Ryuji takes in another breath, ready to yell out his name for the upteenth time, when he sees an open balcony, nearly empty except for a boy leaned over the parapet, eerily still and barely underneath the glass covering above him.

Despite his earlier fervor, Ryuji slows down to a walking pace, chest heaving and feeling like his heart is going to burst.

It’ll be okay. It’s him.

He takes his place beside him, mimicking his pose, leaning over the cool metal railings. Akira doesn’t even look up, which is what he deserves, really. The wind is light, and the city sparkles below them.

No games. No bullshit. Just him and his best friend.

“I failed second-year,” he says. “And also I think I’m at a real, real low point in my life.”

Akira’s face flits in mild surprise, but Ryuji doesn’t stop, doesn’t want to give himself an out.

He starts from the very beginning—from getting called into his homeroom, to Ushimaru giving him a look that said he expected this because that’s ‘just the type of student he is’, to hiding it from his mom, from Ann, from him. He tells him how being alone is tiring, but being with people is exhausting.

And the tears. The minute he started talking, the tears came and kept coming no matter how many times he wiped it away. At first he thought it was from humiliation, at the guilt from keeping it from Akira. But after a while, he realizes that keeping this huge, weighty, life-altering secret from Akira was hurting him, too. It’s like the entire sky got lifted off of him, and he can finally breathe again. For the first time, he feels relieved.

Akira stands there, silent the entire time, not looking at him but he knows he’s soaking in every word that he’s saying.

Ryuji stands up straight and faces him. His voice is barely above a whisper, used up and crackled like dried out stone. “Akira, I’m so, so sorry. I said horrible shit and I kept you in the dark for so long, and-and I forced everyone not to say anything because of my own issues, and I could’ve—” he flinches when he remembers feeling his life deplete out of him from a single hit. “I could’ve died, dude. And I kept it from you over something so petty like being bad at algebra. I know I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I know that now, and hindsight is a bit of a bastard.” He looks down, sees people from below, small as ants. “There’s no good excuse, I get that. It’s just...I was fucking terrified, dude. Of whatever you see in me fading away once you see me for what I actually am.”

Ruffling his own hair, he lets out a long breath. “Alright. I’m done. It’s your turn, if you want it.”

“Is that really how you feel?” Akira asks, emotionless.

“With my entire body.”

His feelings are twisted together between shock that he actually did it, and earth-shattering fear that something bad might happen. No, Akira would never in a million years openly mock him, but he can easily imagine a small, faint smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. An it’s okay. I get it. A shallow hug and a kiss on the cheek. An obligatory comfort that Akira feels he has to give but Ryuji never wanted.

But what he didn’t expect was for Akira to suddenly start laughing.

Ryuji stares in shock as his shoulders, always straight back, hunches in on itself, shaking uncontrollably, hands instinctively flitting to his mouth but unable to hold in the snort that escapes through his lips.

“Uh,” he asks, confused. “What?”

“I—” Akira tries, but doubles over, gripping the metal railing. “Give me a second, sorry—”

They stand there for a few long minutes, Ryuji bewildered and Akira laughing harder than he’s ever seen him. Whenever he looks like he’s about to finish, Akira gives him a look, and starts laughing uncontrollably again.

Eventually, he sobers up enough to resume his earlier position. “Ryuji,” the smile is still stuck on his lips. “I love you.”

“...Okay?” he replies, still lost.

“And I’ve been in therapy since April.”

The entire world halts to a grinding, screeching halt.

“You’re—” Ryuji fumbles. “You’ve been in what?”

“Therapy.”

“Why?!” When Akira raises an eyebrow at him, he backtracks a little. “Okay, I didn’t mean to say it like that. It’s just...surprising.”

He can’t even imagine what kind of metaphor he’d have to use to begin explaining the complexities of a Persona and Palaces. “Is it tough trying to explain all of this?”

“It’s not about the Metaverse or anything,” he says, and, with the slight mirth still stuck on his features, “It’s because I’ve been depressed for a few months now.”

About a trillion questions want to fly out of his mouth right now, but he settles on one for now. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Akira looks up, staring at the few specks of stars that still poke out despite the light pollution of any big city in Japan. “I just think,” he starts. “That I’m really, really lonely.”

Before Ryuji can say anything, he cuts him off with a look. “Please don’t blame yourself.”

“I won’t.”

“Good,” he says, relaxing. “Because it’s not your fault, or anyone else’s. I’ve just…It’s been hard, going back to that life after living such a good one in Tokyo. When I finally came back home, it’s like I was stuck in a time loop. Every day that I stay there,” he stares down at his hands. “Is another day that everyone’s moving on without me.”

Ryuji nearly bites his tongue off in an effort to hold himself back. Move on? Without Akira? Not a snowflake’s chance in hell.

“It didn’t help that no one would even look me in the eye there,” he continues. “It got to the point where the days just blended together, the same cycle of nothing, the same day of being alone, over and over again. Worrying about being forgotten, being trapped and stuck.” Akira’s pale cheeks turn red. “Eventually, my grades started dropping,” he admits. “My parents noticed, because of course they did, and…”

Akira curls his fingers around the bar. “They threatened that they wouldn’t let me go if it stayed down.”

“Son of a bitch,” he hisses, unable to help himself. “What the hell, man?”

“I know,” he agrees. “Bad move on their part, considering that it got even worse after they said that. It’s...it’s actually why I’m getting tutoring now. Not necessarily for Tokyo U, but I really do plan on going to a Tokyo-based university. Because if I don’t…” he trails off.

“I am the only person in the world who isn’t allowed to say this, but,” Ryuji shakes his head. “Why didn’t you say anything, Akira? I could’ve visited you more, or had more phone calls, or, I don’t know. Something to help.” To help you the way you helped me.

“Good question,” he muses, slightly amused. “Alright. Imagine this. You’re a new kid in town with a criminal record. Everyone hates you, more than they usually do, and you were starting to accept that your life is just going to be like this. But suddenly, a guy comes barreling into your life.” Akira’s expression softens. “He’s loud, tough, and extremely cute, and next thing you know, he became your best friend. You don’t know what he sees in you, you don’t know what you did to make him approach you in the first place, but the only thing you know for sure—”

“Is that you’re never letting him go,” Ryuji finishes for him. “Even if it means hiding yourself away, yeah?”

Ryuji’s gazing down at the city beneath them, unseeing. He can’t react the way he wants to, but what the fuck.

Akira is the best person he’s ever met and he’s pretty sure at least twenty other people scattered around the streets of Tokyo would agree with him on that. Yet he hid such a massive secret from Ryuji because he thought that Ryuji would leave him? That’s beyond ridiculous. That’s messed up, that’s—

Ryuji looks up to see that Akira’s already looking back at him, a knowing look in his eyes.

“Yup,” Akira tries to pull it off like he was scratching his cheek, but the shine of the tear makes it obvious. “You got me.”

Finally, Ryuji cracks.

“I’m—” he chokes, wracked with grief. “I’m so fucking sorry. I am so, so sorry, you were going through so much and I didn’t even—”

Akira takes a step back, shocked. “Why are you the one apologizing? I’m the one who was too busy wallowing to notice that you had changed enough that your Persona—”

“Because you’re depressed, and I should’ve been there to help you!”

“And I said that it was never your fault!”

“That doesn’t matter, I should’ve helped you go through that, wait outside the clinic with you, I don’t know!”

“And I made you think that I would have left you if you failed high school, which is insane—!”

“Kurusu, I lied to you. I lied to your face, I said so much shit, I jeopardized the entire team all because I didn’t want to lose you—”

“Don’t,” he pleads. “I know why you did it, but me? I don’t have an excuse. I’m your leader—”

“I’m your partner—”

“I’m your best friend—”

“And I didn’t notice!” they both finish in unison, distraught and breaths heaving, hearts pounding in time with each other, always together.

And then they both laugh; it’s teary, wet, and they probably look insane to any tourist ten feet from them, but they’re cracking up because it’s hilarious. It’s absolutely hysterical that either of them ever believed that they would leave the other over something so stupid as their own perception of themselves.

Ryuji sobers up first, grin so wide that it’s hurting his cheeks. “Can I apologize one last time?”

“No,” he says, voice tender. “I’ve heard enough sorrys to last a lifetime.”

“Come on! Just one more!”

“Just one more,” he relents.

He throws his arm around Akira, squeezing him tight against his side. “I’m sorry that I’m apparently the most good-looking guy you’ve ever seen that you instantly fell in love with me.”

“Dammit,” Akira tries shoving him off weakly. “I knew you were gonna use that against me.”

“Damn right.” He kisses his forehead, gentle despite the rough grip.

“Can I apologize too?”

“Copycat. You can apologize once.”

“Okay.” Hugging Ryuji’s torso, they’re close enough that neither can feel the chill of the wind. “I’m sorry this happened to us,” he says seriously.

Pulling back, Ryuji frowns. “Dude!”

“I know, I know, what a downer. But it’s true.”

“It’s true,” he agrees. “But we can work on this. Together, this time. Like a couple of smart, capable people.”

“That sounds fantastic,” Akira murmurs before leaning forward and catching his lips. He tastes like rainwater and heat. He can feel his own lips twitch into a smile, and the vibration of Akira’s chuckle against his throat. It’s familiar, memorized, but he still makes sure to relearn it every time.

They kiss so deep that the hole inside Ryuji’s chest is full enough to burst.

“Kaboom!” Futaba had said.

The booming sound of a firework rings from up top, illuminating their faces in bright colors in the night. It reflects shades of red, yellow, blue and pink all over the surface of the water like paint buckets that got toppled over in a kindergarten classroom.

Ryuji’s chin is tilted up, watching them explode and take over his entire view of the sky. It’s almost blinding, but he can’t peel his eyes away from them even when he can feel them drying up.

It’s the last day of summer—his worst nightmare.

A purple one sparkles, the sound of the explosion delayed by half a second. He leans his head against Akira’s shoulder, lip quirking up when he feels weight pressing against the crown of his skull.

It’s the last day of summer, but he can’t feel anything but the warmth at his side, fingers intertwined with his, the ringing in his ears. Everything feels more real than they had in the last few months, the haze shifting away, the fog thinning out.

His heart beats strong in his chest. A hand squeezes his tightly.

Kaboom.

The sweat on the back of Ryuji’s neck is thick as he climbs the stairs into the attic of Leblanc, the heat just as intense as it was this time last year.

Stray beams of light poured in from the open window of what has turned into a study cave for any of the thieves to use—cram books of trigonometry to art theory lined the shelves, the walls lined with study good luck charms that they had hoarded from any shrines that they had visited, and day-old tea cups and coffee mugs littered the desks.

Amidst all of that sat Akira, elbows propped up on the table, expression serious. “Happy last day of school,” he says, voice monotone, staring at the thick, impressive envelope in front of him.

“‘Happy’ my ass,” Ryuji flops down on the seat next to him, wood creaking under the sudden weight, nodding at the parchment. “Is that it?”

“If it isn’t, it’s going to be one insane train ride back home to get it.”

“I don’t know how you did it, man. I would’ve torn that thing open the minute I got it.”

Akira gives him an alarmed look. “You didn’t—”

He puts his hands up in surrender, holding a much thinner, yet somehow just as weighty sealed envelope between his fingers before throwing it down with the other. “I didn’t.”

“Good.” Akira doesn’t quite relax, but he lets out a breath. “So.”

“So,” he repeats, a little wobbly. “Moment of truth, huh? Either you got into school…”

“And you passed second-year.”

“Or we don’t.”

The silence that follows is heavy, contemplative, coating the air with something thick and hard to swallow.

Ryuji slams his hand on the table, gut twisting and knotting tightly. “Let’s fucking do this.”

They both reach forward to their corresponding envelopes, hands shaking but neither comment on it. Akira opens his first, and Ryuji very nearly bites it open just to get it over with. He’s suddenly glad that he’s sitting for this. His knees would’ve given out for sure.

Eventually, he finally gets it out of the envelope. His vision blurs as he starts scanning through the letter, eyes flitting all over the page looking for a few choice words, and his breathing stops cold.

He raises his head in time with Akira, and their eyes are wide. A wind chime clinks somewhere behind them.

“I got in,” Akira whispers.

“I passed,” Ryuji whispers back.

They stare at each other for a moment, before they explode.

Immediately, Ryuji jumps out of his chair and lifts Akira clean off his seat. “You got in!” he cries, and he’s not even embarrassed at the horrendous crack in his voice. “You bastard, I knew you could do it!”

“You passed,” Akira throws his arms around his neck and clings, so tight he can barely breathe. “I knew it, I could feel it, I knew you had it!”

Ryuji grasps the back of his hair, still spinning. “I’m so happy for you, I’m so happy for you,” he chants, his entire body feeling weak with relief and unencumbered joy but he knows he’d never drop him. “You fucking did it.”

“And you fucking did it!” He starts planting kisses on his head, his cheek, his shoulder, wherever he can reach. “You worked so hard, and you—” another kiss, this time right on his eyelid. “You did it, and I am so, so, so proud of you.”

With whatever last strength Ryuji has, he spins double-time, yelling at the top of his lungs: “Tokyo University, baby!”

“Third-year!” Akira tries, voice barely above his normal volume. “Third-year!”

He sets him down, and the grin on his face is wider than it’s ever been. Ryuji feels like he can eat the entirety of Yongen in one try. “You are—” he holds Akira’s face between both of his hands, face inches from his. “The smartest person on the entire fucking planet.”

“And you—” his eyes are bright, so bright. “Need to call your mom.”

“Shoot!” Ryuji slaps his forehead. “Totally slipped by me. Uh, I’ll—”

“Bathroom works, and Soijro locked up the cafe for us.”

“Boss is the best. I’ll be back,” he turns, headed for the stairs.

“Wait.”

Ryuji looks back only for a hand to hold his nape, pulling him forward. Akira kisses him, still smiling. When they pull away, he says, in a crystal clear voice, “I love you, I love you, and I’m proud of you.”

He could barely reply past the lump in his throat, wanting nothing more than to bury himself in that sentence. “I love you,” he manages. “Don’t go anywhere, okay? I want to keep talking to you.”

“Of course,” Akira says, and Ryuji slips out of his grasp before he can do something stupid, like cry. Again.

Cracking the door open to the tiny powder room of Leblanc, he leans against the wall and catches his expression in the mirror—grinning and flushed with pleasure. It’s a good look.

He hits the speed dial on his phone, and his mom picks up almost immediately. “Did you get the letter?” she rushes out. “Whatever happens, you’re still the best son I could ever ask for, you hear me?”

“Ma,” the reflection’s grin grows impossibly wider. “I passed.”

The screaming from the receiver is loud enough that he had to pull it away from himself, wincing but laughing at her reaction. “I knew it!” her voice sounds years younger. “I knew you could do it!”

The wall is cool behind him, and he shoves his hand in his pocket, embarrassed. “Thanks, ma.”

“Of course, Ryu! Are you happy?”

“Am I happy?” he blinks. “Well, yeah, of course.”

“That’s all I ever wanted,” a noise that sounds suspiciously like a sniffle sounds through. “You could’ve stopped going to school entirely and as long as it made you happy, I’d go along with it.”

Air catches in his throat, awe-struck. He knew how she felt, but having her tell him at face value is something else entirely.

Ryuji’s about to answer when a cascade of voices and footsteps suddenly flow into the cafe, just outside the powder room.

“Akira,” Makoto says gently, audible through thin walls. “Did…?”

He doesn’t catch a reply, but screams and cheers fill up the cafe, dust falling from the ceiling as people start jumping up and down.

“I can hear your friends celebrating from here,” his mom chuckles. “I’ll let you go. Let’s get dinner when you get home, okay?”

“That sounds great,” he says, coughing, brushing the flecks of dried wood off his shoulder. “I’ll see you when I get home.”

He hangs up, sighing happily. After mentally preparing himself, he throws the door open, doorknob slamming against the wall that he prays didn’t leave a dent.

“Is that him?” Haru’s voice flows from above.

“That’s him,” Akira confirms.

Ryuji takes the steps two at a time, welcomed by the sight of everyone clinging to Akira with overjoyed expressions, and they quiet down when they see him.

Ann takes a step forward, gently letting go of Akira’s shoulder. “So?”

He takes a deep breath, makes a big show of kicking the floor boards, before looking up.

“Yeah, I did it.”

An eruption of pure noise goes straight into his eardrums as he’s tackled by arms and bodies, knocking him to the ground. Everyone’s yelling, some are crying, and he can understand exactly zero of what they’re saying but he hugs back as best he can. Through the cracks of shoulders and hair and necks, he can see Akira watching them all in amusement.

With no small amount of struggling, Ryuji wriggles a hand free and extends it to him. Akira doesn’t hesitate to take it, but yelps as he proceeds to get tugged right into the middle of the pile, crashing into three other people and loving every second of it.

Delusion is a real funny thing in hindsight. How could he have ever thought that he had nothing to be proud of? That his list of accomplishments added up to exactly nothing?

Yusuke is reciting victory speeches from wars won long ago while Makoto is listing off scholarships he can apply for in his third-year. Futaba is repeatedly hitting his shoulder, shrieking in his ear while Haru is quietly telling him how proud she is of him. Ann’s already pulling Shiho on speakerphone, and Akira has a look in his eye, a fondness that tells Ryuji that there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

The room is full, and the sun is still streaming through, warm and inviting. He wishes that Ryuji from a year ago could see this, see his friends that are still by his side, that will always be by his side, and rest easy.

[systemquirks]

Figured I'd share a few of our quirks since I'm bored.

For some reason we have an excessive amount of nonhuman fictrojects, specifically alien or robotic fictrojects, mostly due to our interests in specific media. Like. Around 59% of our system is nonhuman and around 22% is alien/robot.

We also have several alter relationships, I think more so than I've seen in other systems? At least in the ones I've talked to. This includes a 9-10 person polycule. And with a very fictroject heavy system, it definitely makes it a little interesting lol. We get a little scared talking about it because even though it's valid and we would support someone with all our heart if we saw them talking about similar relationships, we get scared that people will fakeclaim us or think it's wierd.

I think our innerworld is pretty unique, or a the very least interesting in its own right. Most people I've heard describe their's usually as a room, a mansion, a city, or even a world. Ours is a floating island that's actually a fragment of a destroyed parallel/alternate universe. One of our alters was supposedly the god of that universe(we know this stuff through psuedomemories, obviously this isn't the truth, its just how our brain sorta rationalizes it), they're pretty cool. They're kind of like the system's mom but also sje makes sure we stay away from a place we call the hangar(a place below the island where dormant/'unfinished' alters stay, looks sorta like an airplane hangar). There's also a little beach that waterfalls off the side and a big hologram room. Most of the buildings on the island are in a circle, but there's nothing really in the middle other than a small playground and a normal tree. There's also a pathway of little canal sorta structures connected to the beach that go throughout the island and the fronting room specifically for a few siren alters we have. Also a hill with pretty blue glowing flowers. There's also a little section based on that time we went to a specific theme park. We can change it a little bit from time to time, but it's stayed mostly the same since before we even realized we had osdd(originally we thought we had madd or just a crazy imagination). A circle of buildings on a floating island in the void.

We have a few alters that are what we call "bodily caretakers" where the alter either a.) takes care of the body(eating, hygiene, etc.), or b.) reminds the fronter to take care of the body(stuff like eating, sleeping, or hygeine, or stuff like fixing posture or trying to stop bad habits). It's mostly just something we haven't seen a specific term for that we related to.

This is longer than I originally meant, but I like talking about myself and just thought I'd share. :)

- A(host of a traumagenic osdd system)

Thank you for such a great submission!!! So much to dig into.

I always find it fascinating when I hear about folks with so many fictrojects! I've only got two, myself, so it's always so interesting to hear more about others with more. We do have a large amount of non-humans, but the majority aren't fictrojects :)

I LOVE Hearing about romances in-sys. We have a large amount of in-sys relationships. Many of us are dating each other, and most of us have our own relationships between ourselves. We keep our relationships in our pinned posts on other blogs so everyone can see that we have a lot of them. I want more positivity for in-sys relations :)

Your innerworld sounds so interesting. For some reason, it reminds me of Kingdom Hearts. I hope that's not rude of me to say!

I'm actually the alter who formed who now handles some of our caretaker aspects. While I do not identify with that role, I do like the term you use here! I know many systems with "bodily caretakers," though most of them either use the term caretaker, or are hosts of their systems.

Thank you so much for sharing so much about yourself! It was wonderful :)