#we just always have to up it. we just upped my mood stabilizer and like cool! I have motivation and energy today

[kingwaino]

truly convinced that no med on god’s green earth will work properly for me

[pucksandpower]

okeyyyy!

but we need a Grid Kids that maybe y/n and seb were in an car accidente (and y/n took the worst of it) and now the roles are reversed, now they are gonna take care of them

Loving this series so much

Grid Kids: UNO Reverse Card

Sebastian Vettel x wife!Reader x platonic!drivers

Summary: the roles are reversed when disaster strikes and your grid kids make it their duty to take care of you

Series Masterlist

The rain is pouring down and the paddock is filled with the usual organized chaos accompanying a wet race. The garages are lively with the sounds of mechanics tuning engines, engineers going over data, and drivers preparing for the race.

Suddenly, a deafening silence descends as a member of the Aston Martin team rushes in, face pale and voice shaking, “There’s been an accident. It’s Sebastian and Y/N.”

The news spreads like wildfire. The paddock, usually filled with the roars of engines and excited chatter, is now eerily quiet. Your grid kids, upon hearing the news, rush to find out more details, their faces masks of concern.

A shaky video from a fan’s phone plays on loop on their screens, showing the aftermath of a devastating collision. Your car is almost unrecognizable, crushed, with the driver’s side visibly less damaged.

George, having seen the video, collapses onto a nearby chair, tears streaming down his face. “This can’t be happening,” he whispers.

Lando, usually the life of the party, stands frozen, disbelief evident in his eyes. Mick, face ashen, tries to make calls to get more information while Lance rushes to find his father to find out if the team has heard anything more.

***

Soon, details emerge that you bore the brunt of the impact and your condition is critical while Sebastian, though injured, is stable. The helicopter is already airlifting you to the nearest hospital.

As the severity of the situation sinks in, your grid kids, in an unprecedented move, gather together for an emergency meeting. The weight of the decision is clear in their eyes.

After what feels like an eternity, Charles stands up, his voice firm yet choked with emotion, “We’re pulling out. We can’t race knowing Y/N is fighting for her life. We need to be there for her, just like she’s always been there for us.”

The decision is unanimous. One by one, they all agree. Telling their teams and the FIA descends the paddock into even more chaos.

***

The hospital waiting room is filled with a mix of team colors. Red from Ferrari, orange from McLaren, deep blue from Red Bull, green from Aston Martin, white from Haas, and black from Mercedes. The fierce rivalry that usually defines race weekends is nowhere to be seen. Instead, they’re united in their concern for you.

Sebastian, despite his injuries, is by your bedside, holding your hand, praying silently for a miracle.

As the hours drag on, the grid kids take turns sitting by your side, sharing stories, hoping their voices provide some comfort, even in your unconscious state.

Mick, teary-eyed, recalls, “Remember when I missed my dad? You were there for me.”

Lando adds, “And when I just wanted milk? You welcomed me like family.”

Charles, voice filled with emotion, says, “We’re here now, for you, just like you’ve always been for us.”

***

As night turns into dawn, there’s a shift. Your vitals start stabilizing and the worst seems to be over. The relief is palpable as the somber mood hanging over your family fades away.

Sebastian, tears of gratitude in his eyes, thanks each one of them. “She’s strong, and with all of you here, I knew she’d find a way to fight through.”

***

A week has passed since the accident and you’re now firmly in the recovery phase. The room is overflowing with flowers, cards, and quirky gifts — each one a symbol of just how much you mean to the racing community.

As you slowly regain consciousness, groggy from the medication, the first thing you spot is a balloon, bobbing near the ceiling, with the words “Speedy Recovery!” It has a little caricature of you in a race car with your cat (in a tiny sweater) on your shoulder. Another one reads, “Get back on track soon!”

Mick enters the room with a tray, “Look who’s awake! I made you my special recovery smoothie. Okay, it’s mostly chocolate ... but it’s the thought that counts.”

Charles follows, holding a peculiar-looking teddy bear dressed in a racing suit. “Meet Racy. He’s going to keep you company. We tried to smuggle Speedy in under our hoodies but got caught so this is the next best thing.”

Lando waltzes in, proudly holding up a t-shirt with “I survived a car crash and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” printed on it.

Max pops his head around the door, holding a full-sized F1 helmet, “You better wear this the next time you get in a car.”

George, with his trademark smile, presents a plush safety car. “To keep you safe and sound, always.”

Lance, trying to contain his grin, brings in a steering wheel cushion. “For those moments when you feel the need to take control of your recovery.”

You can’t help but chuckle at their antics. “You guys ... always know how to lighten the mood.”

Sebastian, holding your hand, grins, “They’ve been brainstorming ways to cheer you up nonstop for days now.”

***

Determined to keep things positive, your grid kids rally together for a surprise. As the evening descends, they transform your room into a mini-movie theater. They even managed to sneak in a projector.

The movie choice? “Cars” of course.

Lance, armed with a bucket of popcorn, declares, “I mean, if we can’t race real cars today, might as well watch animated ones!”

Mick dims the lights and George hits play. As the familiar sounds of the movie fill the room, everyone settles in ready for a night of laughter.

***

It doesn’t take long for the grid kids to turn the movie night into their own commentary session.

As Lightning McQueen races across the screen, Max quips, “I think I could’ve taken that turn better.”

Lando, laughing, chimes in, “And Mater reminds me of Charles after a few too many energy drinks.”

Charles feigns outrage, “That’s unfair! I’m at least 10 percent more sophisticated than Mater.”

You, through bouts of laughter, shake your head, “Honestly, I can’t decide what's better, the movie or your commentary? You guys might have a future on a broadcast somewhere if this whole racing thing doesn’t work out.”

As the credits roll, Sebastian whispers, “This is exactly the medicine you needed.”

Your grid kids truly make the day memorable, proving that through thick and thin, family — in whatever form it may take — is everything.

***

The sun is high and the paddock is buzzing with energy as preparations for the upcoming race are in full swing. As you and Sebastian approach, there’s a sudden almost comedic halt in activity. It’s as if someone hit the pause button on a remote. Everyone turns to face you, jaws dropped.

Lance feigns fainting, “Is it a mirage? Or has our beloved Y/N truly graced us with her presence?”

Max approaches with an exaggerated limp, mimicking you, “Thought I’d get into the spirit of things,” he says with a smirk.

George emerges from the crowd holding a makeshift red carpet (it’s just a red towel he stole from Ferrari), rolling it out in front of you. “For our returning queen,” he declares with a bow.

Charles and Lando appear, each holding one end of a “Welcome Back” banner. You try to turn your head to read it … they accidentally held it upside down.

You’re trying hard to hold back tears of laughter. “You guys are impossible,” you manage to say between your chuckles.

Mick, with a gentle smile, approaches holding a small framed photo. It’s of you surrounded by all your grid kids, taken during a race earlier in the season, with the inscription “Family, Always.”

Touched by the gesture, you softly say, “Thank you so much, Mick. This means a lot.”

“You’ve always been there for us,” he replies. “It’s only right that we’re here for you.”

Sebastian, wrapping an arm around you, adds with a grin, “I think they missed you.”

You really loved your grid kids.

[erosastro]

｡:ﾟSynastry Observations ❣️ﾟ:｡(part 1)

❣️Venus conjunct Moon

I cannot stress enough how much I love Venus conjunct Moon aspects in synastry. It's so so wholesome. You instantly trust each other and there's so much of care and understanding between the two of you. Even in my close friendships, this is a really beautiful aspect to have because there's so much of empathy and love and something just clicks between you two, especially a tighter orb. Venus person sees right through the Moon person and the Moon person can express themselves freely and openly, being at their most vulnerable without worry about judgement.

❣️Moon opposite Moon

So hear me out... I know this might be controversial but I love this aspect so much. Two people who are so different in so many ways but at the core, they're the same. They can learn so much from each other, especially if they both have the patience to. This is a ride or die pair who are super drawn to each other and constantly find themselves in the other person's presence. My personal favourites that I've seen are cancer/capricorn and libra/aries. This can also work well for Sun opposite Sun.

❣️Venus conjunct Pluto

So this might also be a controversial one lol. It's tethering dangerous territory, honestly because it can get obsessive really quickly and as a result turn toxic but, if both individuals are mature enough, this is unconditional love and devotion to each other and a magnetic attraction, where the couple cannot keep their hands off of each other. This can work really well imo if as I said, two of them are mature enough and there are other good aspects to support this.

❣️Venus opposite Uranus

I call this one my "love at first sight" aspect. It's so so magnetic and the two are so drawn to each other, there's a pull they can't explain and they're completely fascinated by the other person. It can get unpredictable especially with Uranus being unpredictable paired with Venus who wants stability. I do like this aspect though especially, again, if paired with other good ones because it can be so exciting, constantly keeping the other person on their toes.

❣️Mercury trine/sextile Mars

The two bond over common interests and can stimulate each other's minds comfortably. They're the adventurous couple, always coming up with new and random dates where other people would be like??? seriously?? I remember having this with an ex and our idea of a fun date was reading our books together, which other people found strange but it's because we bonded over a common interest. This couple rarely falls into a monotonous routine and always tries to keep life exciting.

❣️Sun sextile/trine Jupiter

This couple loves being in each other's presence and always finds themselves in a good mood when the other person is around, especially for the Sun person when Jupiter person is around them. They're understanding of each other's flaws and can focus on the bigger picture rather than being too nit picky and irritating the other person.

❣️Jupiter sextile/trine Neptune

Apparently this is rare? I'm not entirely sure as I've only heard that recently but I suppose it's because Neptune spends a while in each sign? In any case I did have this aspect once with a partner. They're so generous and supportive of one another's goals and dreams, jupiter constantly uplifting and encouraging Neptune and Neptune inspiring Jupiter. Lovely spiritual and idealogical growth can be achieved with this aspect.

❣️Saturn trine Sun

Having good Saturn aspects in synastry is very important in my opinion because Saturn does dictate the longevity of a relationship and it represents karma. It's not to say if there's bad aspects, the relationship won't work out, but it certainly wont help, which is why Harmonious aspects here are important. There's a good balance with this aspect and mutual effort towards the relationship, paired with loyalty and confidence. You see this aspect a lot with married couples.

❣️Ascendent conjunct Sun

They find a lot in common with each other and have a lot of respect and admiration for the other person. Also something I see in either longer friendships or romantic relationships. I have this with my best friend as well. There's just similar goals and mindsets and the two can work in beautiful harmony together. There's strong physical attraction too in romantic relationships and some people also call this one the "love at first sight". They both wish to be like each other.

❣️Venus conjunct Mars

Talk about sexual attraction... this is Instantaneous "I want to rip your clothes off right here right now". There's strong romantic and sexual attraction and this aspect ensures sex life can never get boring between the two especially paired with other Harmonious aspects. This can work well platonically too because it can be exciting. This is a classic aspect for synastry I think a lot of astrologers love.

｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡

Part 2 soon (bc I reached the audio limit...)

[soloroomies]

lifemate (Chapter 1/ Sakusa x f!reader)

summary: how did it all start? word count. 1.9k cw. marriage pact au, potential mature content a/n. this is my first time writing fic! hope you all enjoy this story! (♡ n pls let me know if you do enjoy them ♡) Masterlist

Every month, Motoya Komori, Sakusa Kiyoomi, and you meet up to catch up and enjoy each other's company. Surprisingly, despite the passage of time and the changes in your lives, you have managed to maintain your friendship well since high school. Your bond remains strong, bolstered by frequent chats in your group chat, where you exchange life updates.

Now you’re all in your late 20s, with you and Sakusa the same age, 27 years old, and Motoya a year older. Each of you is navigating your own unique path in life. Motoya Komori, always the cheerful one, shares his latest thoughts and plans. "Nothing much," he says with a grin, "just thinking about coaching some kids in my block." Then, he adds, "Mia thinks that’s a good idea too," his eyes light up when he talks about his wife, his smile widening. It's been a year since their wedding, and he’s never been happier. He met his wife during an open trip to Europe in his early 20s, a serendipitous encounter that changed his life forever.

Sakusa, on the other hand, often brings up his ongoing struggle with his fame. "I keep trying to decline gifts from fans," he admits, a hint of frustration in his voice. Despite his attempts to maintain some semblance of normalcy, his popularity often complicates things. 

It’s no wonder you think that Kiyoomi is popular among women. A single, talented man who looks dedicated to his career is bound to attract attention. People on the internet often compliment his looks too. Standing at 6’4” with a lean build, his black wavy hair adds to his appeal. You can imagine his struggle a bit—balancing his demanding career with the expectations and attention from fans and potential romantic interests alike.

As for you, you share your own challenges of juggling your main job with multiple side jobs. It’s a constant balancing act, trying to manage everything without letting anything fall through the cracks. Yet, despite the hectic schedule, you find solace in these monthly meet-ups, a reminder of the enduring friendship that has weathered the storms of life.

“Why do you have to do several jobs?” Komori asks, a hint of worry in his voice.

You chuckle lightly and start explaining the reality of life outside the athletic world. “Well, life actually works a bit differently for non-athletes,” you say with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. You go on to explain that you're still early in your career, and your current job is only a mid-paying one. “I need some more money to cover my living costs and to send some to my retiring parents,” you add, your tone growing more serious.

Komori listens intently, nodding in understanding. He realizes that while his career path as a professional athlete offers certain financial stability and perks, your situation requires juggling multiple jobs to make ends meet and support your family.

Komori agrees with your statement about the high living costs, even for him. You continue, “Well, now that I think about it, in this economy, for average people, I think marriage helps a lot in a financial way. I mean, by having two incomes in the household. If we didn’t put children into the equation, though, maybe.”

Komori agrees, “Well, maybe that’s true. But I don’t know much about that since my wife stays at home. But financials aside, having someone to come home to… I don’t know how to put it. But it’s less lonely and, y’know? Feels like someone always has my back no matter what.”

Sakusa interjects, “But you don’t have to get married, you know? You can just move in with your girlfriend.”

Komori shakes his head, “I don’t know, man. It’s a different sense of security.”

You chime in, “Ooh, I get it. Maybe it’s kinda like… all these paperwork you sign? So, it feels verrrry official?” You raise your eyebrow, prompting Komori to laugh.

“Maybe? I don’t know. I’m just happy and secure. That’s all I feel,” he says with a contented smile.

You sigh and slam your hand on the table, “Man, I don’t even think about that. I just think it’s nice to split rent and chores with someone.”

Komori hums at your statement, then turns to Sakusa. “What do you think, Omi?”

Sakusa shrugs, “I just think being married makes it more convenient for me to politely decline some of the persistent and creepy fans.”

You chuckle, “Ha. Ha. Okayyy starboy. Totally not relatable.”

Komori adds thoughtfully, “Hey, in a sense, that applies to you as well in terms of being more secure when walking at night. Ward off some creepy men, y’know?”

You nod, a wry smile on your face, “Hey! That’s so fucking true. Pfft, I hate the world that we live in.” You sip on your drink, finding a moment of solidarity in the shared laughter and understanding.

“Okay. Now this conversation made me want to get married. But I can’t even afford a relationship right now. Trying to start a relationship is too urgh,” you say, scrunching your nose. “Too many steps to deal with. And don’t even talk about the emotional roller coaster! It’s just too tiring!”

You used to be a hopeless romantic at heart, dreaming of the day you would meet that one person, your prince charming. Falling in love so hard that your head feels dizzy, experiencing all those cute butterflies in your stomach, and seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses due to the happiness of love.

However, the idea seems more and more impossible as you grow older. Reality has hit you hard. Maybe it’s just bad luck, but you’ve never been lucky in your romantic life. It’s not like no one wants you; there are men who approach you. But the ones who do either don’t meet your standards or turn out to be douchebags when you try to get to know them better and pursue more, leading to frustrating situationships. It’s exhausting to be attached to them and constantly ride an emotional roller coaster.

Moreover, you can’t think of anyone or any way to meet someone new at the moment. You’re not keen on the idea of dating apps either, as you feel like you’re not that fun in chat, and it just feels too unnatural to meet someone new that way. Especially a potential lover. Damn all these standards you’ve set for yourself!

Sakusa speaks up, “I get that, and I don’t understand what girls want either.” Sakusa doesn’t usually talk much during your discussions, but he enjoys listening to you and Komori's thoughts. Right now, he finds himself agreeing with you on the topic. Everyone knows that Sakusa isn’t the most socially adept person. He doesn’t easily make new friends, despite knowing many people from all the training, practices, and matches he has been involved in. However, he can't exactly call them friends. That's why he treasures this friend group, even though one of its members is literally his cousin. It’s something he can describe as “cousins by blood but friends by choice.”

Given this, it’s not hard to understand why it’s not easy for him to have a romantic relationship either. He can be attracted to someone—he experienced it several times during his school days, having little “relationships” that lasted only a few months. But these days, it’s getting harder to form meaningful connections. Lots of girls try to approach him, fans and acquaintances alike. Some have piqued his interest, but nothing has gone beyond a few dates. So, he truly gets it when you say it’s tiring.

“What?! So you don’t understand me?” you exclaim.

Sakusa rolls his eyes. “No, I understand you. It’s different. We’ve known each other since high school.”

“Ha. Right,” you reply with a hint of sarcasm.

Komori is silent, looking at both of you intently. He clears his throat, “Hey, you know, right? There’s something called platonic marriage?”

Sakusa stares blankly. “What’s that?”

“I know!” you chime in. “It’s like you’re married, but you’re not actually involved romantically.”

“Oh. I’ve heard of them. Interesting, I guess,” Sakusa responds.

“Yeah. It’s like you can get the marriage benefits without having to deal with all the emotional roller coasters that relationships give you,” you explain.

“True. But it’s too creepy and risky, right? To marry some random strangers?” Komori folds his arms and laughs.

You give a distasteful expression and respond quickly, “Of course! I wouldn’t dream of it. If I ever wanted to do a platonic marriage, it would be with someone that I know quite well.”

The three of you suddenly become silent. Komori smirks at you and Sakusa.

“What are you even implying?!” you demand.

“Hey! It’s not crazy, though! You mentioned it yourself.” He makes quotation marks with his fingers. “It would be with someone that I know quite well.”

You widen your eyes. He’s right, you think. But still, it’s borderline crazy and something that never crossed your mind. Sakusa? And you?! Sure, you think he looks good. But then again, you’ve never considered any of your friends ugly! Moreover, you’ve always seen him as your friend since the beginning. Which… is actually the definition of platonic. It’s perfect! Shit… But Sakusa would never agree with this kind of thing… right?

You steal glances at him. Fuck. He actually looks like he’s thinking about it. It’s not the usual indifferent face he’s making. He’s thinking. Wow. Years of friendship really do give you the ability to differentiate his micro-expressions.

“Look. It’s just… an idea. A good idea, can I say?” Komori wiggles his eyebrows and smiles proudly. “Given you guys’ predicaments. It’s like the stars aligned, y’know? I’ll definitely support you guys. There. You guys have my blessing,” he laughs.

You and Sakusa exchange quick glances. He shows a lack of repulsiveness. Now that you think about it, this thing actually fits him. But does he really think it is a good idea?

“Some friends do make marriage pacts or whatever it’s called,” Komori adds.

Oh, right. You definitely have heard about that. Something like if we’re not married by the age of… we should marry each other.

“Yeah, I think I’ve heard something like that. But isn’t it complicated?” you ask.

“What would be complicated? It’s all for convenience, right?” Komori replies.

“That’s just insane, though…” you mutter.

You all go silent for a bit but then you try to change the topic and continue to talk about other trivial life updates. Other things that aren’t awkward and, again, crazy to think about. Your mind isn’t ready to handle the full visualization, especially with Sakusa right in front of you.

After another hour, you and the other two decide to head home. You still have to work tomorrow, after all. Urgh, the work thoughts on Sunday are the worst. These meet-ups with Sakusa and Komori always prove to be very recharging to your mental battery. You’re so glad to have this monthly meet-up with your two precious friends.

On your way home, you replay the conversation you had earlier about the platonic marriage and can’t help but think of how good of an idea it is. The words “financial” and “someone to come home to” ring in your head. Shit. You do often feel lonely in your apartment nowadays.

If you ever agree to do something like a platonic marriage, the idea of being married to Omi doesn’t sound bad at all. Your very dear friend since high school. Someone you’ve known for more than 10 years. Someone who knows your antics and vice versa. He can be a pain in the ass a lot of times, insensitive at times. But the good thing is that you can be blunt with him. He might be an ass, but he does always listen whenever you scold him for anything insensitive he does.

But anyway, it’s just an idea. It will be forgotten, right?

Spoiler: No, it’s not.

[power-chords]

My folks and I have been reading some of the literature on COVID/Bipolar I and they seem to suspect — and I’m inclined to agree with them — that what I thought was “long COVID” after my second bout with the virus may have in fact been my first recognizable depressive episode. Most of my symptoms overlapped with the depressive phase of Bipolar I, so disentangling the two is probably impossible in retrospect, but for many many months I was behaving in ways that are completely uncharacteristic of my personality: I was exhausted, unmotivated, and even more inattentive than my ADHD makes me ordinarily; I was uninterested in things that give me great pleasure, like going to shows and creative writing; I had brain fog so bad it was an uphill battle doing things that otherwise come quite easily to me, like communicating verbally and expressing myself with clarity and precision. Gradually these symptoms subsided, and I became even more productive and social than usual, which may very well have been a protracted hypomanic phase. I caught COVID again earlier this year, and by the start of July I was spiraling into full blown mania, prone to intense emotional states like expansive rapturous joy and crying jags at the drop of a hat. Music, theater, and reading fiction felt almost unbearably moving and profound. I was writing like crazy, and pretty soon afterward I was acting crazy, too, with racing thoughts and speech, disturbed sleep, and thoughts/ideas that were growing progressively more disordered and paranoid.

I prefer the term “manic depression,” though some consider it antiquated/offensive, because to me it most accurately describes my experience. But by my 36th birthday my new shrink had diagnosed me with full blown Bipolar I. I’m much better now with several weeks of a mood stabilizer under my belt, and this past weekend we went with the “nuclear option,” I.E. a four-day course of high dose antipsychotics. I was miserable from the extrapyramidal side effects, and had to take Xanax throughout in order to tolerate the akathisia and restless leg syndrome. But thank god, it snapped me right out of it, and knock on wood I’m back to my old self — with a little luck, I’ll have another 15 years symptom-free, or with just low grade hypomanic/depressive states that are so mild as to feel like ordinary, subclinical mood swings.

What I’m struggling with is the feeling that I’ve been handed a label sticker that amounts to crippling disability at best, and an early death sentence at worst. I will probably always have to keep these incredibly powerful drugs with their rotten side effect profile on hand, and may one day need to take them consistently, if I wind up having future severe episodes. To have to choose between Shitty and Shittier over a dangerous brain disease feels like I’ve been dealt the world’s worst genetic hand, and that bums me out a lot. I know it’s not my fault, but seeing the agony I’ve put my parents through is the worst part. Figuring out how to manage this is going to be a lifelong struggle against my own lousy biology, and that sucks. I’m trying to stay optimistic. It’s been really, really hard.

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 33

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 7k

A/N: Missed you all!

What do you say to your ex-boyfriend after you make him come so hard he cries?

Age old question. 

“Do you need water?” You ask, ankles wrapped around his lower back. Sated and satisfied, he nods before parting his body from yours. Eyes heavy lidded, staring at you bare covered in his come. Your questions sinks in and he takes back his nod with a furrowed brow.

“No-let me clean you.” He stands before you can protest that you can do it yourself. His jeans hanging low, sweat painting his hairline, he walks away. 

You’re left alone on the couch, a bit shameful you’d say. You might never look at the couch the same again. Thank goodness Chucho only ever sits in his recliner, he’s saving you from decades of embarrassment. The tv was shut all the way off and the December breeze creeped through the window steadily then all at once. Sobering your mind that only had the capacity to be turned on. Your pleasure sensors doing its job. 

He comes back, shifting his bulge with his palm. Kneeling before you, and wiping you clean. “We always seem to get here.” He whispers, leaning down to grab your panties off the floor. You thank him silently and pull them back on. He stands and watches you for a moment. He’s still licked with sweat and red eyed from his orgasm. “I don’t want this to be a step back-”

“It won’t be. We’re… human. And I’m almost getting my period so…” You ramble and he hums. You usually can keep it in your pants. And you talked up such a big game about boundaries just to fold the second your hormones whacked and Javier made the slightest reference to your previous sex life. You had an extraordinary forty-eight hour attempt of celibacy. 

He nods, leaning back in the seat. “Going forward?” He crosses his arms. Your brows shoot high, he waits for you to set a new rule. His pants are still unbuckled and he looks fucked out. Too sexy for his own good, that fucking mustache drives you up a wall. 

“Going forward…” You straighten up, criss crossing your legs. “I’d like to… not make it a habit while we’re figuring it out. But… if we get… in a mood-“ He chuckles, you stumble over your own words as if you weren’t just talking him through coming all over you. You narrow your eyes at him and nudge him with your foot. “No sex. Penetrative sex. No kissing.” You stabilize your voice, his eyes saddened at the last part. 

“Can I eat you out?” He asks like it’s nothing at all, like he’s asking what’s the weather like. You think for a moment. 

“Do you want to eat me out?” You ask, not sure why—

He looks down at your lap. “Please.”

You kick him. “Pervert… Yes you can. If! It happens to progress that way not just because we want to. We aren’t together-“

“Yet.” He nods. “Not together yet.”

You snort, “You’re confident.” 

“Andrea. I know you don’t want anyone else.”

You scoff this time, sitting up. “You’re right. I don’t. But if you can’t prove to me that you’re ready I’ll have no fucking problem setting foot to New York alone. It wouldn’t be the first time.” Your face is red, feeling something close to anger. No, you weren’t trying to be controlling. You’re just not the passive twenty-two year old ready to just cry and move on. Over and done with it. “Tomorrow. I want you to visit Lorraine. I’ll come with you if you’d like, I can’t promise to help the situation because I might pop her.” You exhale, running a hand through your hair. Genuinely frustrated and violent when you think of her. Javier smirks and nods

“Okay. But I need you there with me.” 

Flustered and frankly pissed off, “Alright.”

His under eye twitches and he opens his mouth just to shut it again. You squint at him, annoyed. “What.” You snap.

“You’re so sexy when you’re angry.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“So you’re back together” Genie wipes her lips, just to take another bite of bruschetta that drips on  the plate. You and Javier napped on the couch until four pm when the sound of a polaroid click and flash jolted you upright. Chucho stood at the couch without a clue, grinning as his photo developed. You yawned and Javier drove you back to your motel. He didn’t want to say goodbye, watched you until your waved at him from inside the room window. 

Then you put on your bumiest clothes and drive to your brother's house. In desperate need of talking to a woman. As much as you missed your brother, you were absolutely thrilled to find that he took your niece to a birthday party. 

Your lips tangy and oily, Genie was trying something new as a snack. “No. We aren’t-“

“So please explain this to me again.” She uses her bisquit to pick up what fell off before, grunting when it falls again. 

You sigh, licking your lips. “He ate me out on Christmas.”

“That’s blasphemous.” She grins and you roll your eyes. 

“Whatever, I think we were just high off of seeing each other. Missed one another, then we both felt shit about it the next morning. I told him we had to do this differently. I told him that we had to have rules because I want this to work so badly— Genie you don’t understand. I’m so tired of running around in circles.” You aggressively bite into another piece of bruschetta. Genie gives you a sympathetic nod, “I told him no kisses, no sex, just honesty. I need him to continue getting help—I need him to talk to Lorraine.”

Her brows shoot up, moving to stand and grab the bottle of wine left uncapped on the counter behind her. Internalizing all that you’ve said, she pours you another glass. “Don’t you think maybe… that won’t be a good idea. Like it’ll bring up old memories.”

And of course you’ve thought about it. You wonder if there’s a part of you who’s just being the jealous little girl you once was, You think that if he came back here, the same person he was in 1986 you’d be a bit crazy for making him talk to Lorraine. But that isn’t the reality, But that isn’t the reality, Lorraine intruded, she placed a wedge in the track of his life. Leaving him even more uncertain than he was before she came home.

There’s a part of Javier that stayed with her, a person isn’t made to be lied to in that way. You’re not sure if you can move on without officially leaving her in the past. 

You shake your head, “Lorraine is more than an old memory. She baby trapped him, attempted to isolate him on purpose, so she could keep him. And it has nothing to do with me—or-me feeling like she was taking him away from me. Even if we weren’t involved she still took advantage of him. It was an abuse of power, simple as that.” You crunch so loud it acts as a closing statement. Genies brows raise a bit, internalizing all that you’ve said. 

Genie is your family. She is your best friend. But she has also never left Laredo, Texas. She has lived her whole life in a bubble. She’s smart, she’s charming, she’s the only woman you’ve ever looked up to. But, she’s also very, very, southern—“You sound so damn therapized. That’s probably healthier than whatever I would have done!” She snorts and she means no harm. 

You laugh too, you love her so much sometimes you forget she isn’t really your sister. 

“What would you have done, Genie Diaz?” You quirk a brow. 

“Spun that bitches jaw at the altar!” 

“She was pregnant!” You cackle and Genie shrugs. 

“You’re right. I forget she didn’t lie about that. I don’t know, maybe spit in her face or something, she ain’t pregnant now. You should try it this time.” She gives up on piling her tomatoes on her biscuit and begins spoon feeding herself. You do the same.

“I’m trying to be good—I want to be healthy and mature about this. “ You say, mouth full of tomatoes. 

You playfully reach your spoon onto her plate, your silverware clanking. You find a scoop anyhow. “Huh. You’re really putting a lot of yourself into this.” 

You frown, because she knows. Because you have to say it anyway. Say it out loud. Face solemn and inward. Everyone always said you could never keep an emotion off of your face. 

“He’s the love of my life, so.” You shrug like it’s nothing to the ear. Genie smiles a small biting thing. You know she loves to hear it, you want to tell her to look away. But you don’t, “I will do anything to make it work. I’ll be thirty in a few years, I want to start building my life with him.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy to hear anything in my life.” She taps her spoon against yours, it’s like a hug. Like a kiss on the cheek.

 You tap hers back and burn bright red.  

This shit better work. 

Is the first thing Javier thought of the second you left his house. Feeling aimless and confused, which could be unhealthy but he just figures it just the effects of missing someone so much. 

He unpacks a few things, leaving most of it in its place. He’s ready to leave with you, if you say yes of course. He puts on his fathers records and picks up the living room. His brain was a bit clouded from the pseudo-sex you two had. Banishing himself from replaying it over in his mind. Ears hot with embarrassment and arousal thinking about the way you held his head when he came. 

His semi died in his pants the moment he remembered he needed to just call Lorraine, see if she’s even willing to speak. Javier’s therapist had been suggesting that he do something like this for a few years now. She believed that the way it ended wasn’t truly an end. And it wasn’t, he never got to face her and just ask her why. 

Granted, he’s been too fucking angry and rather never see her again. 

But it was you that asked, so he’ll do it. 

He knows he needs to, it petrifies him. But he wants to be with you so badly, the thought of this not working petrifies him in a whole other way. A way he won’t recover from. So he looks through his fathers phone book and finds her name.

It only took him two cigarettes, a lap around the kitchen and four minutes of silence to ring her. 

It rings twice and he hears a child's screech. Javier feels his world crashing down on him for a second.

“Hello?” 

Her voice makes him go cold. It makes him angry in a way that quickly turns to grief. All in twenty seconds. “Hello?” She asks again. 

He blinks, ashes his cigarette and straightens in his seat. It squeaks the same way it did when he sat half asleep over fifth grade math homework. The thought scares him, he’s been in this house for too long. Change becomes too much when you can pinpoint exactly what you did in that very spot twenty years ago. What he would give to do it all over, to drool over homework while his mother cooked. Instead he sits here with years of trauma, on the phone with one of the perpetrators. He blinks three times, “It’s Javi.”

There's a small breath from the phone, some shuffling and a similar creak that only a wooden chair could make. “Okay…” Is all she can say and he wants to bang his head into the hand sawed table Javier built with his father when he was fourteen. 

“I want to… talk to you. In person.”

“When… when did you come back to the states?”

“That doesn't really matter. When are you free?”

She does something that sounds like a scoff and his ears ring. He closes his eyes and sees you and everything clears up. “I guess tomorrow. Andy won’t be home.”

Javier’s brows furrow, “Who-”

“My son. My parents are taking him to the indoor waterpark. Does noon work?”

His eyes burn, chin usually strong but nearly quivers. He closes his eyes and can only feel heat surrounding his senses. His face an inferno, he feels so uncomfortable in his own skin at just a few words. He feels it, the isolation. Where would he be? How miserable would he have been with her. She speaks to him in that rude passive-aggressive tone she’d give him after a long day of classes.  Like he was a child needing reprimanding. 

He agrees with a simple sure and has what his therapist would describe as a panic attack. He cries again today. He feels stupid, exposed and weak. Unlike a man. He locks himself in his room for the rest of the night, doesn't come down for dinner and avoids thinking of you. He knows you’d cry with him and tell him he isn’t weak or stupid or whatever–he avoids thinking of you some more. He chooses not to be hopeful tonight, and that's what you are for him. 

He feels even more embarrassed when he wakes up at eight in the morning and realizes he fell asleep because his panic attack took the energy from him. He wakes up an anxious mess and he calls you to tell you that he’ll be at your hotel in two hours. He  barely lets you speak beyond the agreement, he wasn’t ready for this yet.

He showers and dunks his face in cold water, hoping his eye swelling will settle. He dresses the way he likes, denim, button up and boots. Burns one on the road, he knows you hate the smell. 

His panic fizzles the moment he pulls his fathers truck into the dingy motel “hotel”. What a rare thing you two have got going. You come out of the room, locking the door behind you and he already feels better. 

His lips twitch in a smile watching you struggle to work the overused key. He stares at what you decided to wear. Looking like a vixen, hair straightened, pencil skirt stretched across your behind taut like it's struggling. A sweater similar to yesterdays, white this time. And heels, like you're on your way to be the sexiest defense attorney in the state. He wonders if you could just forget it, fuck Lorraine, we can be fine without ever speaking of her again. 

Then he panics and looks at his eyes in the rearview mirror, still swollen and he decides maybe you have a point with all of this. He swallows his fear.

“Hi.” You chirp, not too excited for the day but excited to be with him. He furiously avoids  eye contact with you. 

“Hi.” He leans forward to kiss you cheek fast and you feel like an absolute loser for getting full body chills. “You look pretty.” He turns the key and the car rattles. The day is gray and depressing. The moment you opened your eyes alone in the itchy sheets of the hotel, you beamed at the sound of Javier's voice from your temporary home phone. Left sad at the brief tone and the Lorraine related reality check. You stared at the popcorn ceiling and cried for a few minutes. 

You see him now and figure maybe he feels the same way. 

The line between your brows creases, in the way that bothers him. You can’t help being worried about him. He had gone through so much without you. 

You observe his every move as he pulls out the lot without a word. Watching the way his hands look older on the steering wheel, thinking of what they’d look with a wedding band. You see a glimpse of the freckles on his cheeks that seemed to have layover from the Colombian sun. You see that under his eyes are puffy and that he’s clenching his jaw. 

He comes to a light and you can’t help yourself. Your hand flies to the back of his head, nails gently scraping his scalp. He pulls his brows together and leans into your touch. “Hey…its okay we don’t have to-”

He grunts, “Andrea…”

“We can go home, find another way– I can feel how unhappy you are it’s-”

“Andrea, please don’t do that-”

You drop your hand. “Do what.” 

The light turns green. 

“Try to take care of me– try to change the plans just because I’m not happy about it. It's right for us–I want to get it right.”

You frown and your hand feels as if it’s been stung. 

“I can't take care of you?” You whisper. 

He clicks his tongue, “I don’t want you to worry about that. That’s for me to handle.” Still, Javier has yet to look you in the eyes. Your face is filled with heat. 

“No.”

“No, what?” It’s meaner than he anticipates, you can tell in the way his forehead creases. 

“No. That’s not how this is going to work. Yes, I shouldn’t coddle you and I’m sorry for my immediate reaction to you being upset. But as long as I’m around I’ll want to take care of you. Let me have that.” You cross your arms, feeling like a petulant child, also not caring at all. His chest puffs and you can tell he’s about to speak again. You cut him off before he even begins. “You hurt me when you don’t expect me to care just as much as you care about me.” 

He looks at you, nostrils flaring and his face crumbles. He clenches his jaw and you watch the muscles in his face twitch, wanting to shut down and turn away. But he doesn’t, “You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m just trying—you’re the most important part of my life. I’m not used to feeling this… open.”

“We don’t have to see her today.” 

He chuckles, “No. Now I have to see her today. She was just as callous and cold on the phone as she was years ago. It fucking pissed me off.” 

You smile, leaning your head against the window. “I probably shouldn’t come in with you. For her safety.” 

He snorts, a long loud beep snaps them both out of the little world they’ve created in that truck. Javier looks at the rear view mirror and cringes, before stepping on the gas. “How many times do you think that light changed?” He leans forward and readjusts himself to his regular driving posture. You take a deep breath and just shrug which makes him laugh again. “And I need you to bear witness to her manipulation.” 

“I’ll try to behave.”

He raises a brow at you but returns to be inward. You allow him, he lets music play the rest of the ride.

The lawn is only slightly overgrown. Overgrown in the way that everyone’s lawn is in the winter. Even in a place where you don’t get snow, or really cold weather. Still winter is a feeling, feeling like your lawn isn’t important. There’s a mailbox too, only the last name Smithfield is on it. So she isn’t married which honestly comes as a surprise to you. 

You’d assume in some ironic alliance of the stars she’d get all that she wanted and you’d suffer. Or maybe she realized she needs to be alone in order to figure herself out entirely. 

Javier lets you knock when you ascend the stairs. There’s a cat on a porch swing. It meows at the sight of the two of them. Like the world’s softest guard dog. It makes Javier smile for the first time since he stepped out of the car. 

You aren’t nervous, you had your moment to confront her. You’re not nervous in that way. 

Javi though, you could almost feel it lift from him. Since the moment he picked you up, you saw it in the bags of his eyes and in the way he snapped and hurt your feelings. The way he gets in a headspace where he cares so much about everything and he can’t conceptualize someone else caring for him. 

He’d look into the eyes of killers, men so ruthless, so deeply connected that bringing them to justice is a task nearly impossible. But when Lorraine opens the door his eyes dart to the ground first then to hers. But it’s no use.

Her eyes are on you. 

You aren’t expecting it but it doesn’t show. 

She looks the same, hair still blonde, brighter now like she goes for a touch up once and a while. Her cheeks lost its roundness and she’s skinnier in the way that moms get. When they realize that maybe they should focus on themselves too, fifteen pounds lighter later. There’s not a lick of makeup on her face and her nostrils flare at the sight of you. Then she looks at Javier. 

“Well. Come on in.” She bites out in a tone that seems like an attempt to be nice. She turns and walks straight in. Javier follows first, taking a glance at you and clenching his jaw. The house is nice, modern, and tidy. The front door leads you to a hallway that brings you into the kitchen. Lorraine’s back is still turned. Picking up a toy from the floor and mail from the dinner table and placing it on the counter next to the stovetop. “I made lunch, I wasn’t picturing a third person here.” 

She glances over her shoulder and runs her eyes from the top of your head down to your heels. You smile back and you know it disgusts her. She turns her face back to the food on the stovetop. It’s a casserole, she had no reason to complain about her lack of food other than to assert some pseudo dominance over you. 

It’s laughable, you watch as she serves you a plate as well. 

Javier shakes his head as he notices her comment was unnecessary as well. “Should we sit at the table?”

“Yes. Water?”

“Sure.” You respond and the sound of your voice has her shoulders tensing. 

It’s a brown table with two chairs on each side and two at both of the heads of the table. You and Javier sit side by side. 

Javi places his hand on your knee, soothing you to soothe himself. It makes you frown, it feels like the first time you aren’t hiding yourselves and it’s in front of Lorraine. 

Someone who doesn’t deserve to see. The second Lorraine walks towards them with plates and forks and water and whatever she puts in that casserole Javier straightens up. 

Lorraine settles down and sips her water, her eyes attempt to avoid you but they lose. 

Javier doesn’t like this. 

The way he stares at Lorraine is the way you pictured him staring down the face of officials, criminals, and his boss. It’s like in one moment all the nerves he once had cease to exist, all that was left was the anger he feels and the itch for confrontation.

Her fork drags across the plate in an ear aching screech. She takes a bite, waves the fork gesturing between the two of you. “So? You too finally together?” She says with a smirk, a knowing hint of sarcasm. She talks with the knowledge of her role in all of this. 

Javier clenches his jaw, “No. We aren’t. I just got home.” He doesn’t entertain her 

foolishness.

Her eyebrows furrow, she frowns and looks at you. 

“Ah— that’s unfortunate-“

“Where’s your kid?” You cut her off, taking a sip of the water she served. The smirk is immediately wiped off her face.

“Andy is with my mother. Not like it’s any of your concern.”

“Well my relationship status wasn’t your concern either so I suppose we’re even.” A timer goes off in the kitchen, Lorraine startles. It settles something in you, she’s much more affected than you are. 

She ignores the noise. 

“I want to talk about the wedding—I want you to tell me about it.” Javi sits straight, pushing his lousy dish to the side, it clinks with your cup. He pats his pants, digging for his pack. He taps it against the table. “Can i?” 

Lorraine shrugged. The apartment reeked of smoke anyway. 

Here is where you need to take the backseat. Let him feel. Let him ask. It’ll be impossibly hard to just let it happen but he needs it. He lights up. 

“What do you want to know?” She leans back, food abandoned only twenty seconds into the conversation. 

Javier furrows his brows, like, what a stupid fucking question. “Why. Why did you lie? When did you decide to fucking lie? Who’s the father—just fucking tell me.”

“You were in love with another woman.” She looks at you and you feel that stupid pang of shame. “I don’t know why I fucking agreed to this—why did you bring her?” Her voice breaks but there’s no tears, she’s afraid of being vulnerable in front of you. 

And you want to claw her eyes out. Flip the table over. Call her evil. And yet, you see a girl so insecure—so jaded by what she perceived as normal—and you feel pity beyond belief. 

Javier doesn’t reply, neither do you. Because she knows why you’re here. How life would have been different for them if she hadn’t come back around. She knows, so she frowns and the facade is gone. The act, like she’s above all of this mess, like it was just some thing she did that she got over so he should too. It’s gone. 

Finally she looks at Javier. “I- In high school you—we were so good. I fucked it up— I know. I thought because we already were planning a life that we could be adults and work through it.” She runs a hand through her hair. “I told you I was sorry—for cheating. I told you that you were it for me. That I’d try but it was written all over you. You were over me so fast, I couldn’t understand that. We were together and you were over me. I became the other woman in our own relationship. Watching you fucking glow whenever she was mentioned. Or watching you hold yourself back from talking about her.” She exhales, she avoids your eyes the entire time. Like it could maim her. 

You can’t help it but you do feel an ache in your chest. Javier clenches his jaw once more, his cigarette sizzling before he drags again. 

“I was stressed too, we said horrible things to each other when we were like that. Then we’d make up, and be sweet and it would be good. That’s what couples do…”

“They don’t Lorraine—they shouldn’t. We were worse than horrible when we fought, you know that.”

She shakes her head, “I was blindsided when you asked to separate. You’d say we weren’t together but we’d have sex and you still paid for everything.” 

Your brows furrow and Javier has a face of guilt. Like maybe he doesn’t want you here anymore. 

“We had an agreement.” He says lowly and Lorraine rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her water.

“Sue me then! For still having feelings for an ex boyfriend who is still living with me, paying for my life and fucking me at night.” She slams the cup on the table and your untouched silverware rattles. 

Javier narrows his eyes at her outburst. 

“Lorraine.” He says it like a whisper and her chin quivers. She could play the role of the heartless unaffected woman but she breaks character. “It was… irresponsible of us. Of me. I know that, and I’m sorry. It was six years of confusion and I really am sorry but I’ve apologized for this. Before I left, we had that talk, I was moving out. It was over that spring, you were seeing other people. I was going back home. You tried to baby trap me—that isn’t normal—that isn’t okay.”

“I wasn’t going to—then I saw the two of you at the wedding and my parents they-"

June 16th 1986

Lorraine is sobbing into her hand the second her aching body sits on her couch. Her parents followed behind her. Coming to sit down next to her. She put on a strong face when she walked in on them in the bathroom, telling each other they loved one another. She stared at herself in the mirror and smiled as tears threatened to fall. Her stomach is touching the sink. 

Her parents were livid when she burst into tears on the car ride back. When through a snotty nosed red face she says that Javier was with Andrea. 

They assumed he was the one who knocked her up. But she knows it doesn’t add up, she knows the man who did would never take responsibility in the way Javier would. She knows she can never find him if she tries. One drunken night with a man on a work trip. She continued to cry while they cursed his name, saying that he was less than a man.

“We will figure something out, he’ll step up once you tell him he’s his. You were together for nearly a decade! We know about Andrea. She was a fast little girl, brings shame to her family name.” Mrs. Smithfield paces then pauses to stroke Lorraine’s head. “She’s just a temptation.”

He held Andreas hand, comforted her at the sight of me. That was supposed to be me.

She remembers less than a month ago when she had just come home from her second appointment, getting on the phone with Genie. Asking about them, knowing the possibility of seeing Javier with you when you came back. She wasn’t prepared.

Lorraine hiccups, “I need him,” There it is, the truth. There's a part of her that loves him but most importantly she needs him. Overcome with that fact she can't seem to stop speaking through her tears. “He-he isn’t the father but I need him to be I can’t do this alone I-”

Mr. Smithfield storms out of the kitchen at that.  “Lorraine Marie. What are you saying?” He booms and Lorraine’s mother sits back in the recliner, head in her hands. Lorraine begins to cry more. Burying her head in the crook of her arm. “Sweetheart! Do you know what they’ll say if they find out. Your mother would lose her spot on the board, we’d never be welcomed in the church again.”

He mutters curses he would never dare say outside the living room. Lorraine sees the looks of their disappointed faces. She sees the same face they gave her brother before they sent him away. She thinks of all they’ve sacrificed to be here. To give her this life, their status. She thinks of the way she was brought into this world. A saving grace of her parents' marriage. Her heart clenches in her chest. To help her sleep at night she may say it's at the thought of being with Javier but something tells her it's the thought of taking him from you. 

“I…he doesn’t have to know it isn’t his.” She fills the silence.

Mrs. Smithfield lifts her head and there's a glimmer in her eye that maybe Lorraine should fear.

She accepts it. 

Javier is stone faced the entire retelling. His hand is holding his fist in a ball at the table. Watching Lorraine justify her actions. Excuse after excuse, thinking that pity will save her. At least that’s what you see. Product of her own environment, he wasn’t foolish enough to accept that. 

You hope Javier sees through her, he should. You know he’s worked on this in therapy, he told you he can no longer be manipulated by her.

 She’s rambling, and then she’s silent. She stares at the children’s drawing behind Javier’s head for a few moments and her face crumbles a bit. 

“My father was going to leave my mother. It had gotten so bad that despite his devotion to God and his-his dedication to maintain his image— he still filed divorce papers.” She lays her hands flat on the table then drops it into her lap. “But my mother was determined to keep her husband. She—had an idea of what her life was going to look like and she made sure of it. So she made sure their contraception wouldn’t work— and she saved her marriage with her pregnancy. That’s how I was brought along. That’s what I know — Javi I was going to do anything to have you again-.” She stares at him with an intensity like no other, the eyes of a manic woman. The eyes of a woman who hasn’t grown up. 

Javier shakes his head, and sits up straight. Heat swarming his face, he’s angry and you watch. Still you feel out of place here, you look away to avoid feeling the urge to cry at his pain. Then his voice booms and he’s pointing his finger in her face. “It’s not good enough— you can’t fault your parent’s actions for your own decisions. Choices you made as an adult—a choice you didn’t have to make. We were over, I didn’t want you. Don’t go using the way you were brought up as an excuse.” He leans back in the chair like the burst of anger pained his aching body. He exhales and Lorraine stays quiet.

Your teary eyes stare at the floor parts and look into the eyes of Lorraine. Her chin quivers but she doesn’t cry. She looks at you finally.

“Then what do you tell her? Huh?” She points her chin towards you, crossing her arms. Mirroring Javier’s posture while you perk up. His nostrils flare. 

“What are you talking about Lorraine?”

“Every time you leave her, every time you come back. Do you tell her it won’t happen again? Do you tell her you’re afraid of becoming like your mother so that each time you come home you can fuck up her life, keep her burning for you, and then blame it on it being the only way you know? Do you accept her dependency on you because you know she was neglected by her parents? Tell me Javi. Just fucking say it! Tell me it’s okay for you to be flawed and fuck up peoples lives, tell me I can’t live by those rules.”

You stand so fast, the wooden seat behind you clatters and falls. “Fuck you!” You yell, “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about me— you don’t know how hard I've worked to recognize my issues and deal with them! You don’t know about our relationship.” You look at Javier, he’s completely shut down. You reach down and grab your purse, you gesture your finger between Lorraine, you and Javi.

 “You see— the difference between you and us is that we know we’re fucked up. Everybody is fucked up! But we are trying to take responsibility and grow. You—you’re the same mean spiteful girl you were when you made the conscious decision to trap Javier into a marriage.” Javier’s brain catches up with his body only barely when he stands. Lorraine watches his every move like she’s expecting him to stay. 

Your outburst harshly contrasts his tone when he does finally speak again.

“Lorraine—you will always be miserable and full of guilt and anger and fucking resentment for us if you don’t seek some help for your own fucked family trauma.” She stands too, wipes her face and you move away from her. You grab Javier’s hand and he stares at it for a second before following you toward the door. 

You step outside and Lorraine follows after. 

“Javi!” She calls from the doorway, crying hard. His brows furrow at her call, still holding your hand, he turns. 

A crack of sun shining on his face as he looks into the eyes of his former fiancée.

He shrugs, “I never want to see you again. You’ve made my life hell for too long, I'm tired of knowing you. I hope you figure your shit out for your—for your son.” 

It’s a harshness she deserves but a cruelty unlike Javi. You know it takes so much of him to be so headstrong. Your heart breaks for him as he turns away and drops your hand. Walking ahead of you as the sound of a screen door closing ends an excruciatingly long chapter. 

He raises his fist to his mouth in a motion and sounds akin to a cough but you know he’s hiding his tears from you as you follow him into the truck. You swing the door open and settle in, your heart beating so loud in your ears you feel like your cheeks may burst. Shortly he loads in, sniffling and crying in the way that he does. Continuous tears and furious shameful wipes. 

You’re so proud of him. 

You’re brought back nearly four years ago.

You in the car, with your head in your hands. Crying so hard you think you might drown. Replaying each word your father said to you, waiting for a comfort that cannot be provided by a kiss or a hug. But instead—

He wipes his face again with a shaky hand, he can’t seem to find the strength to away. 

You’re reluctant, afraid to overstep, afraid he won’t remember. 

Still you reach your hand over to his shoulder, up his neck and with your pointer finger and thumb you rub his earlobe. His simple gesture of, I love you, I’m your family.

 When he rubbed the beautiful bee earrings he got you in New Orleans.

You love him so much. You’re afraid to say it again. Instead you rub his ear to remind him. A quick pass that his brow relaxes at, your fingers caressing the shell of his ear. He leans into your touch for a moment before going frigid. You frown moving your hand to his jaw, holding his face with your face crumbled. 

You feel young again.

“When we were little—when we were young you’d always avoid talking about your feelings—or your personal problems when all four of us would get deep at 3 am. You’d listen to all of us but you always sat quietly.” You’re rambling but you picture the night.

 The summer before Javier’s freshman year, you, Genie, Frankie and Javier stayed under the stars way past curfew. The night Genie started crying when she told them about what happened with her dad’s friend. That sometimes she feels like the only person in the world who’s struggling. Frankie was already in love with her. He comforted her and talked about his dad. Which was a topic untouched between the two of you. You remember crying for him too.

 You told them about the way you felt inside, you sat there wondering if your brother would feel bad for you. And Javi, young, fourteen year old Javi said nothing. He just gathered you when you cried. And Javi, who still, sometimes says nothing, just put himself out there in a painful display of commitment to bettering himself. 

He knows what you’re talking about because his eyes soften at the mention. “I remember thinking how badly I wanted you to open up. How badly I wanted to comfort you in the way you comforted me-“ He closes his eyes and moves to part from you but you reach back out. “No— no one deserves to be manipulated and hurt in the way she hurt you. And i’m so—so fucking sorry I made you come here I thought it would be good for you-“

“Andrea-“

“No, Javi. Please. At Frankie’s wedding she got in my head— i’ll admit it. She made me feel ashamed of being in love with you—you told me you loved me that night and I’m sorry I didn’t say it back.” He wants to run, you know it, You see it on his face. “I can tell, I know you. She got in your head when she suggested that you’ll find another way to hurt me. But you won’t. I know you won’t hurt me again. You’re only finding a way to hurt yourself and I’m not letting that happen. When you hurt yourself—you hurt me, do you understand?” 

His hands come to hold to your wrists. “I’m not good for you.”

You chuckle through tears, “You think that’s enough for me to leave you alone, you’re out of your mind. Please can we go home.”

His skin is so soft under your palms, “I’m sorry.” He gravels out, voice thick with emotion. You couldn’t care for an apology, you don’t need any. “I—I need to be alone for a moment. I need to process alone I think. I’m sorry.”

Your chest swarms with worry. Your hands drop from the side of his face to his shoulders, you inspect his face and let a beat pass. 

“Are you sure?” You feel desperate. You want him to retract, you’re being bad but you hope he kisses you. He looks at your lips when you think this, he stares at you and looks pained. His hands remove yours from his chest and he turns towards the wheel, starting the car. 

He never answers and you drive in silence. It feels like a closing of a door, you’re not sure which. You look for an olive branch when he pulls into your motel lot. 

“Will you call me?” You ask, you try your best to let him feel on his own. After all, you were the one to put in place all these rules. Javier averts his gaze from you for a moment.

Then he does, his eyes soften at the sight of you. You’re vulnerable and open for him. Standing at the door of his car. “Yes. I will.”

A door inside cracks open. 

[artssslut2]

Unexpected: Part Seven

Art Donaldson x Pregnant!Reader

Smut, Fluff, Angst

Being on tour with Art was great… for the most part. The only downside is now you were 25 weeks pregnant. So far you have gotten to see two different countries which has been amazing, the plane rides were rough, you never liked flying but now it was worse. The doctors said you have to get up and walk the isles every hour, and on top of that you had to get up and pee like every five seconds. You were having a lot of anxiety latley, all you wanted to do was get a nursery together and buy clothes and organize them , but it was rough when you didn’t have a house to do that in. You had a bad habit of keeping things in so Art really didn’t know. On the bright side you finally felt the baby kick. Art however did not, she would move all day but whenever Art was around she didn’t move. He was getting really nervous that she wouldn’t like him or that she was scared of him.

“She’s probably just sleeping, baby’s need sleep too you know.”

“Well she sleeps too much.” He pouted

Surprisingly you love learning about physiotherapy, and you loved working with your best friend.

You and Art got home from one of his matches after a very long day.

“I’m gonna shower, you want to join me?” He asked walking though the hotel door into your suite.

“My feet hurt so bad I just want to sit down” you said dramatically collapsing onto the couch. Art laughed and went into the bathroom. You pulled out your computer to work on the list you were making for the baby. You looked at all the stuff you still needed, then you wondered where the fuck you were going to put all of this stuff. Your head started to throb with worry.

“Hey babe what do you want for dinner? We could-“ you felt yourself snap

“Art Stop!” You said firmly. He looked surprised kind of like a kicked puppy, he was use to your mood swings at this point though. He knew it was best to not say anything. “We have nothing for the baby.” You said rubbing your temples

“What do you mean we have that swing that my aunt sent us.” He said calmly

“At home. We have that at home we aren’t home right now art. We won’t even be home when she’s born.”

“We are going home, around your due date remember? We’re taking a few weeks off before we start traveling again.” He tried to comfort you and sit next to you but it wasn’t working,

“That’s not enough Art. Where will she sleep or play? How are we gonna travel with a newborn? dont they need like stability or -“

“Hey hey hey. Y/n take a breath” he tried gently interrupted you. “We are going to figure all of this stuff out I promise. It might be a little crazy and chaotic at first but we will get used to it. We can have stuff shipped to the house and then when we get home we can figure out what we need and how to do everything. I promise we will be okay. And the baby will have us as her stability.” You smiled slightly, he could always calm you down.

“Okay but can we start ordering things now. Because I’m going crazy Art.” You said leaning closer to him.

“Of course my darling” he chuckled softly kissing your head. “Should we get dinner first?” He asked, on cue your mood totally changed you didn’t want to eat anything,

“Actually I think I want something else.” You smirked,

“Yeah like what?” He asked not catching onto what you were saying. You giggled putting a hand to his face and pulling him in, your other hand slid down him abs to his lap, he watched your hand carefully

“Yeah?” He asked growing hot, you just nodded and climbed onto his lap. Your belly was sizable now, it was pressed right up to arts toned abs as you kissed. It grew hotter and hotter, you pulled his shirt off of him. You aggressively made out with him rubbing your hands all over him while grinding on his rock hard dick. You grew very close to an orgasm.

“Fuck y/n” he moaned as he watched you get off from dry humping his cock. When you rode out your high Art reached down to free his aching cock as you pulled your dress up. Art frantically pushed your underwear to the side and effortlessly slid himself into you. You both let out a moan in sync. You immediately started bouncing on him hard and fast. He grabbed your ass so hard and rocked you back and fourth.

“Please Art fuck me harder I need you.” You begged. This drove Art crazy, he picked you up still on his cock and flipped you on the couch so you were on your back. He started pounding into you so hard you could feel all of him inside you. You moaned like you were in a porno and so did he

“You’re so needy aren’t you? Fuck I’m gonna miss the hormones.” He said while throwing his head back,

“Cum with me art please” you moaned trying to hold on, he lowered his chest to yours and came with a heavy moan, you followed throbbing around him. You both caught your breath as he was still inside of you. He pulled out and flopped on the couch, you chuckled at how red his cheeks were.

“Ok I’m ready for dinner now.” You smiled standing up adjusting your dress. Art looked at you and laughed tiredly.

You and Art had decided to go down to the hotel restaurant to grab some food. Once you had finished you went back upstairs to unwind for the night. You both crawled into bed and were looking at the list on your computer. You browsed various stores and websites online for baby things like cribs and towels and bottles. Looking at all the baby stuff made you so antsy to meet your little girl. You felt the urge to buy everything you saw. Art did too.

“We should get her stuff in yellow so it can match her name.” Art said slyly referencing his name idea that you had shot down many times.

“Ha ha” you responded sarcastically.

“What do you think we should name her then?” He asked laying back and stretching.

“I have no idea but-“ you gasped sharply and put a hand over your stomach. Art sat up quickly,

“What’s wrong, what happened?” He said panicking, you didn’t respond you moved your hand a little then smiled “what?!” He asked growing frantic

“It’s the baby, she’s kicking” you smiled looking at him, his face lit up mabye now he could finally feel his baby move. It looked like he was frozen. “Cmon give me you hand.” You laughed grabbing his hand, Art was quiet and focused like he was scared he would scare her away if he moved to fast. You placed his hand where she was moving then slid you hand lower to find her. You both waited for a second and then…

“Oh my gosh.” Art breathed out, a tear came into his eye and a smile spread on his face “that’s our baby?” He asked sweetly,

“That’s our baby.” You beamed with peer joy, you wiped a tear that fell from his eye. The baby started moving around after hearing you and Arts voices. “She likes your voice.” You told him. Art looks more in love than he had ever looked,

“I can’t believe we made a baby. Me and you y/n” you felt nothing but love in your chest you kissed your boyfriend and overlapped his hand with yours,

“You know she moved when I said the name Sunny” he smirked, you rolled your eyes “I think she likes it, do you like it Sunny girl?” He asked leaning to your belly, he placed a quick kiss on your bump then your lips. You laughed at your goofball of a boyfriend.

The rest of the night you ordered everything from a crib to onesies. Art even bought a baby tennis racquet of course. You both slept peacefully with arts hand never leaving your belly.

[bookshelfdreams]

Very true, Niko! And you would know all about that, wouldn't you.

Niko's wardrobe (just like her entire character) is very - strange. Usually, you want your characters to be recognizable, especially early in a story. Characters will have their colour palettes and silhouettes, their statement pieces, their individual style that fist their role in the narrative and who they are as a person. For the most part, the costume design in dbd adheres to this standard; almost every character has a very cohesive wardrobe.

Except for Niko. There's nothing that unifies her costumes, that allows us to get a sense of her style. Even her hair is constantly changing, despite the hair&make-up department clearly struggling to do anything with that horrible wig.

The most recognizable thing about Niko is her monochromatic outfits, but even those are so inconsistent, the colours vary so widely, that they don't tell us anything about her as a person - but they do reflect the stories she finds herself in and that unfold around her.

So let's look at the associations of the colours, because I don't actually know anything about fashion, but I do love colour theory.

03

Green is for emotional stability, thinks Niko, but that's not quite true. Green is more commonly associated with growth, life, new beginnings, rebirth, hope.

This episode, Niko comes out of her shell for the first time. She makes friends. She leaves her room to go on an adventure, even though she gets scared by her own courage, at first, and retreats (she will not make that mistake again).

A home is not always a safe space, is it? Sometimes it is a trap that you're caught in. Niko leaves hers at the end, running out into the streets to save her friends: growth. New beginnings. And her friends, meanwhile, freed those poor Devlin girls and their mother from their horrible prison. An end, but also, rebirth in death: they finally get to move on to the next step, leave the stasis they have been for almost three decades. And the older girl's name is Hope, which is probably a coincidence, but nonetheless extremely satisfying to my conspiracy-prone brain.

04

Red. Courage, as she herself says: Niko is quite literally leaving her comfort zone, going on her first case, and needs all the courage she can get. It is a bold, decisive colour, fearless, strong. The colour of firefighters and ambulances, a colour that tells you you're about to be rescued, and she does save Crystal's life in this one.

But, of course, that easily tips over. Red is a colour of aggression, of anger and pain and violence. We have the Night Nurse, who goes around dredging up trauma, making people relive their worst moments. We have our monster of the week, we have raw meat and blood to bait it. We have, of course, the washer woman. And we have an outbreak of violence at the end.

(And also, red light is the most affected by absorbance. It is hardly visible underwater and disappears completely after about 10m. Maybe that is why Niko wasn't affected at all by Angie; maybe she just couldn't see her.)

05

What does the pink mean then? Romance, of course, the central theme of this episode, but her outfit is uncharacteristically mismatched, even for her, and so are the romances in this episode. Nothing works out as it's supposed to, does it? Maxine and Jenny, the jocks and their girlfriends, even Edwin and Monty: everything shoved haphazardly together, held together by force of will alone, no harmony at all.

Well. It's not Niko's fault nothing works out in the end. But man, she really did need to take off the rose-tinted glasses (metaphorically, not literally. The literal glasses are great.)

06

Oh, feeling blue, are we? A colour of melancholy and regrets. Niko is trying so hard to leave behind the whimsy, to be mature and disillusioned, but even at her lowest, this bright, powdery shade doesn't really bring the mood down. Niko is too much herself to give up on the things she loves that easily.

Blue is also the colour of dreams. Hidden things, the subconscious. And this is what this episode is all about, not for Niko, but for Crystal. She unlocks that which sleeps within her. And it is Niko (unwillingly, through her own special kind of luck) who hands her the key.

07

Bright orange! That is an - unusual colour choice for symbolism. Orange has few strong associations. Most often, I think, orange is a signal. Not quite a warning, but close - watch out, it says, pay attention. And Niko does, and saves the day.

(And what else does orange remind you of? A highly visible sign, something that shows you the right way? The warm glow of a flame, contained in a lantern or spreading uncontrollably in an explosion? Yes, this is an orange episode.)

08

White.

Death.

Obviously. White is the colour of the dead and dying: bones, and bloodless skin, and flowers on a grave. Of course Niko would know to dress in a shroud for her last day on earth. You cannot wear an all-white outfit and expect it to not be bloodstained at the end of the day, and Niko knows it's scary and the odds are bad and we might die horrifically.

But she has found bravery, and will not run away, will face the danger head on. Dressed like an offering, pure and untouched, off to sacrifice herself she goes.

It's not the end though. Death is not the end, not in this story, and white is the colour of purity, of a blank slate, of transformation. Death is only here to guide you on your way forward. Niko's story does not end here. It is her kindness and pure heart that saves her; and although she dies, she is not gone. She changes.

Into what remains to be seen.

[happyheidi]

I'm turning 29 this year and regret not being where my parents were at my age. They weren't rich or well off at all, but they were married and had me and their own place. I don't think I'll ever have a relationship that doesn't end with being cheated on, or my own place, let alone the stability to have a BABY. I see my high school friends on facebook having babies and travelling and getting great careers and feel like I missed all my chances already. I'm almost 30 but I'm still doing the same shit I did 15 years ago. The only difference is now I'm hyperaware that life is fleeting. I don't know if I have a question to wrap this up, I just needed to tell someone that and I saw it was therapy hour so I might as well tell you.

Ok this is every girls way of thinking when they reach that 30’s spot. I did it. You did it. They did it. Its programmed in us PLUS we have our biological clock ticking away as well. If I were where my parents were at my age I would have a kid and a math degree. It’s a totally different time so we can’t see ourselves in that light. I’m a victim of it too. I’ve thought of taking out a loan so I can freeze my eggs but it costs like 90k for 3 eggs so yeah but I digress. I turned 33 this December and yes it sound cliche but I don’t feel a day over what.. 24? I’m stunted. So I’m not the person to answer this as I’m kinda in the same boat.

What can we do? Think about how it should be… “how far we should be" by now? Doing so doesn’t change anything other than our moods. I’m actually getting kinda queasy as I’m writing this cus it’s this weird innate feeling that I have no idea how I turn of..

But remember that not all that glitters is gold. And it’s not always greener on the other side. But let’s try to break the fence anyway.

but hey let’s use lots of money on skincare and makeup in the meantime so we help capitalism and ruin ourselves slowly 🎉 (oopsies..)

[seraphtrevs]

Hi!

Idk if anyone asked this before, but I really wanna know you opinion on Lalo's tattoo? I thought why they kept it? Is it just because it looks cool or Is it because it fits Lalo? Or no reason behind it all?

I think meaning fits Lalo quite well, but dying to know what do you think!

So this has been sitting in my inbox for months - sorry! 😅 I decided this ask was a great excuse to finally read the Tao Te Ching, which I'd been meaning to do for a long time, so I did that, and then I realized that it will probably take a lifetime to understand it, and maybe it should be less than a lifetime before I answered this ask.

Anyway. I think the real reason they didn't conceal the tattoo was because that would take time and effort better spent elsewhere. It's complete in character for a cartel operative to have a tattoo, so why bother to cover it up?

But that's a boring answer, and I think we can have more fun with it. Because I think you can make a case for this being Lalo's tattoo, not just Tony's. Come, take my hand, and let us indulge in some headcanons~

So let's take a look at it: (I found this on pinterest here, but no artist was credited. If anyone knows who it is, lmk!) ETA - art is by Artmetica - ty @reztruck!

The most prominent aspect is the yin-yang symbol. When he holds his arm palm up, it's staring him straight in the face. That makes it easy for him to look at, maybe as a reminder. So why would Lalo, violent cartel don, get a tattoo of a yin-yang?

My headcanon is that Lalo is a reader. He canonically only gets a couple hours of sleep a night (like - this is literally impossible, but he's kind of an impossible person. maybe it's really a couple more, but let's just say that he gets by on much less sleep than the average joe.) So what's he doing with all that time? There's only so much slithering around you can do in the dead of night. We know he likes to use his quiet time to think, and what better way to come up with stuff to think about than to read?

He's a curious and intelligent person - I'm sure he likes to read on a wide variety of subjects. Maybe when he was a young man, he had some questions about the meaning of it all and went looking for it in books. And maybe he came across a copy of the Tao Te Ching and took it to heart. (Well, not all of it - he is, after all, a violent drug dealer who kills without remorse lol)

I've always attributed Lalo's lack of fear to his psychopathy, which it is for the most part. But psychopathy doesn't entirely explain him, does it? Psychopaths aren't known for their emotional stability, but Lalo rarely loses his cool and seems in a good mood most of the time. It's not that he doesn't ever lose his temper, but he's able to calm down quickly. He's such a go-with-the-flow guy that he even laughed off his own death.

Wu wei is an important concept in Taoism. It's active non-action, or effortless action - instead of forcing your will on the universe, be in tune with it. Go with the flow. And that's pretty much how Lalo operates. Unlike Gus, who has many meticulous plots and never leaves anything up to chance, Lalo jumps in head first and figures things out as he goes. This makes him a good detective - he goes where his leads take him (all the way to Germany sometimes). It also means he's able to adapt quickly to changing circumstances.

For example, when he's spying on the chicken farm in 4x10, he springs into action when he realizes something's up and is almost able to catch Werner. When his house comes under fire in the middle of the night in 5x10, he immediately switches gears and is able to beat a team of assassins single-handedly by going with the flow, effortlessly taking every opportunity as it arises (using the frying pan of hot oil to blind an attacker, using Ciro's body as a shield, doubling back on his attackers to take them by surprise, etc.) When he learns that Gus bugged the phone at the nursing home, he loses his shit for a minute, pulls himself together, and then spots a cockroach, thinks of Jimmy, and he's off on a completely new path, wasting no time second-guessing himself. There's no reason to get too worked up when things don't go your way, because a new way is bound to open itself up to you if you pay attention.

(That's not to say he never plans - for example, he set up his body double in case he ever needed to fake his death. But I think that was probably also a product of wu wei - by random chance he meets a guy who looks a lot like him, and so he thinks "hey this could be useful later.")

So yeah, I definitely think this could be Lalo's tattoo, not just Tony's! It actually explains a lot about his approach to life.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for telling the blunt truth to my roommate, that shes immature, irresponsible, and rude?

[-.-] < so I can recognize

so I (20) have three roommates, A(20), B(21 or 22), and C(20). We all attend the same college. I have lived with A for 2 years, but we only started living with B and C in fall 2023. so far there have been some issues, and most of them revolve around interacting with C. C has a cat, and they keep the litterbox in their room of our apartment, so they always have their door open. This itself isnt really a problem, but I feel like its eroding the distinction between common space and their personal space for them. Often when there is another conversation happening at the table or on the couch, C will come out of their room, sit on the couch, and watch loud videos on their phone without headphones. Then, they will hear a small part of our conversation, react in TOTAL shock and awe, demand we recap the last 5-10 minutes of conversation to catch them up, then go right back to their video. On another occasion, I was talking with either A or B as well as C, when C said they were overstimulated and needed some quiet time (no problem with that, it happens) so they were going to put in their headphones and. stay in the living room on the couch. instead of going to their room.

They also will completely derail conversations into complete dead ends and traumadumping. I was driving, C was in the passenger seat, and B and our friend G(18 or 19 iirc) were in the back. we were chatting about our parents being silly and making harmless fun of us at various points, and C multiple times said "we're not talking about times my parents took away phones bc Trauma!" like. If you dont want to talk about it DONT BRING IT UP. C could have chimed in w a time their friend did something like that and it would be fine! but instead they latched onto the parent part. They do this fairly often, and it makes it really hard to have a conversation where we casually mention our childhoods, bc its always a minefield w C, as they will make a point to bring up that they lacked the circumstances for whatever experience we are talking about, either due to bad relationships w parents or due to growing up poor.

On top of all this, they also are not financially in a good place. They routinely dont have money for food and end up eating mostly communal stuff. Sometimes when they are low on money I will end up buying something communal just so they will stop carrying on. IMO if they are in that sort of financial situation they shouldnt have gotten a cat, bc I honestly dont think they can afford it. tbh I feel like they pretty much live on the cheese and tortillas I buy, and i'm starting to feel the financial stress of it.

They are constantly making every interaction about themselves in ways that make it really hard, even when they arent even part of the conversation.

Repeatedly i've wanted to tell them that they dont have to be involved in everything, and that they dont have to always be talking or generating noise. That when other people are talking, they need to either contribute constructively to the conversation, wait their turn, or at the very least stop and apologize when they interrupt someone instead of talking right over them for minutes at a time. And that its not our responsibility to help them when they are low on money, that maybe they shouldnt have gotten a cat if they werent able to financially support it, and also that it shouldnt be our (me, A and B)'s job to walk on egg shells bc they have emotional outbursts over incredibly minor things (they do take mood stabilizers and have a disorder that effects their mood, but that doesnt mean its ok that they will sometimes seem really angry and aggressive out of absolutely nowhere, yelling swears with no provocation).

What are these acronyms?

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Li Zeyan’s Mundane Date (Eng Translation)

“I bet that you will still remember this day, this moment, even decades from now. Just like I will.”

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 琐碎约会, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Subbed Video】

──────────────

【Chapter 1】 

Big Screen: “In order to welcome this festival dedicated to love, our channel is presenting a special program named 《The Vow at Fingertip》.”

Big Screen: “We’ve collected a plethora of stories about the ring, exploring its deeper meaning beyond the ceremonial contexts…”

It’s early morning on Valentine’s Day, and the streets are already bustling with noise and excitement. Li Zeyan and I stand quietly at the entrance of the supermarket, watching the program previews displayed on the shopping mall’s large screen.

LZY: [laughs like a proud s/o ✊] Well, this is quite impressive. The prime spot throughout the whole day is going to be occupied by your show.

MC: Granted, it’s thanks to the sponsorship from the brand, but I’m really satisfied with this show.

LZY: In that case, let’s get through the checklist quickly and head back early to enjoy your masterpiece.

Finishing his words, he then takes my hand and leads me into the supermarket.

Given Li Zeyan’s personality, he had actually prepared the ingredients at Souvenir well in advance. But due to a phone call this morning, we had no choice but to make last-minute changes in our plans…

–

───── [FLASHBACK STARTS] ─────

Mr. Mills: Manager, sorry to trouble you so early in the morning.

Mr. Mills: While I was out for a walk just now, I saw a notice posted on the door of Souvenir stating that there’s a circuit malfunction in this area and the power has been out for the whole night.

Mr. Mills: I checked the refrigerator, and it seems those ingredients of yours may have gone bad.

LZY: [his voice really tends to drop to a different softness when he talks to Mr. Mills 🥺]  Thank you for taking the trouble. I’ll take care of it later.

Mr. Mills: But you prepared these for MC, right? Would you still be able to work out your plans for today?

Li Zeyan glances at me, who’s peering over from beside him, and a small smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

LZY: [while looking at you]  You don’t have to worry. I have a compensation plan in mind.

Watching as Li Zeyan ends the call, his expression composed, I hurriedly lean in and ask him about the situation.

MC: Did something happen at Souvenir? Should we go to the restaurant first and check it out?

LZY: It’s alright, let’s celebrate the festival first.

LZY: The menu won’t change, but we need to grab a few things to make up. I’ll make a quick trip to the supermarket later.

MC: I’ll come along with you!

–

───── [FLASHBACK ENDS] ─────

As each item from the list is placed into the shopping cart, I steal glances at Li Zeyan and study his completely unruffled expression, inwardly sighing to myself.

His plan fell through, and it even resulted in some damage. Yet, he hasn’t uttered a single word of complaint, appearing to have a well-thought-out plan in advance as always.

MC: [muttering] He certainly deserves the title of being the number one in emotional stability.

Li Zeyan seems to have heard my mumbling, prompting him to turn around and meet my gaze.

LZY: What’s the matter? Why are you zoning out?

MC: I was thinking, you are really good at switching your mood. If I were in your shoes and found out [MC’s Company Name] had run into some problem, I’d spend half a day just feeling upset.

LZY: Not like it’s something that can’t be remedied. What’s there to feel upset about?

LZY: It’s a nice holiday, and I don’t wish to see a certain dummy shooting her mouth off to the sky.

He gently lays his hand on top of mine and, together with the shopping cart, leads me forward.

LZY: If you zone out again, we won’t go to the snack section.

MC: I absolutely won’t! Let’s go, let’s go~

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 2】 

The warm music of the show flows through the room, but it’s soon drowned out by the clinking and clattering sounds from the kitchen.

MC: Is there anything else you need me to do, Boss?

LZY: Help me with the sauce.

In order to increase efficiency, I volunteer to help Li Zeyan and find myself busy following his instructions, frantically running around in circles.

LZY: Pass me the thermometer.

LZY: Set the stopwatch to one minute for me.

MC: Roger!

Ding––

The oven’s timer sounds, and I consciously put on the heat-resistant gloves and pull out the baking tray.

MC: Isn’t it time to turn the sweet potato tart?

LZY: Right. If it’s tricky to turn, try lifting a corner first to test it out.

MC: Uh… it does seem a bit tricky to flip.

With gentleness and cautiousness, I proceed to operate, afraid of ruining the shape Li Zeyan has crafted so meticulously.

As I reach the last three, a reminder sounds from behind me.

LZY: Turn them faster; don’t let the oven temperature drop too much.

LZY: Don’t worry so much about the shape. For a dummy, it’s tasting delicious is what matters more.

His voice, carrying with it a smile, alleviates my nervousness a little. I turn them over and slide the baking tray back into the oven.

With the oven resuming its operation, I breathe a sigh of relief and walk back to Li Zeyan’s side, taking a sip of water.

LZY: [laughs softly]  Tired?

MC: How could I be tired? I can handle this amount of work just fine.

MC: It actually feels like that cooking game we played before. Though, I wish we could have three heads and six arms… [1]

MC: Speaking of which, do things get this chaotic when you cook by yourself?

Li Zeyan puts the lid on the pot and turns down the heat, then rubs my head with his free hand.

LZY: It doesn’t seem as chaotic when I’m on my own without anyone “helping out.”

LZY: But my sous chef here has made quite a lot of progress; at least nothing got messed up.

MC: That’s because my boyfriend doesn’t only cook incredibly well, but he is also a generous mentor!

LZY: [chuckles teasingly] I was here simply trying to better the food I cook for a certain dummy. I did not realize she was secretly taking notes.

LZY: Since you’ve been learning well, tell me, what do we need to add when we take the lid off?

I freeze for a moment, not expecting that he’d really ask questions. Resorting to thinking on my feet, I quickly pounce on him and lock my arms around his neck.

MC: Well, naturally… adding a little extra love would make it even better!

I plant a kiss on his cheek, then swiftly dash away before he can react, turning up the volume of the show.

LZY: [laughs helplessly]  Running away when you can’t answer, huh?

MC: [giggling gleefully]  What did you say? The music is too loud, I can’t hear you clearly~

Shamelessly feigning ignorance, I stand in front of the TV, grinning while casually casting a glance at the progress of the show.

At this moment, the interview with a young couple begins. The girl raises her left hand towards the camera, showing off her wedding ring.

Girl (on the show): On the day my husband proposed, he hid the ring in a dessert, saying that the dessert that day was infused with a unique formula of love.

Girl (on the show): As a result, when I took a bite, I chomped directly into this “formula of love” and ended up breaking my tooth…

Girl (on the show): We had to rush to the emergency room in the middle of the night. The pain was so excruciating that I almost refused the marriage proposal right then and there.

MC: Pfft…

I can’t hold back my laughter and glance over at Li Zeyan, who’s just a short distance away.

MC: Did you hear that, restaurant manager? You should take this as a cautionary tale.

LZY: [chuckles helplessly]  It’s clearly the gluttonous dummy who should take this as a cautionary tale.

Just as I’m about to retaliate, the doorbell suddenly rings. I pull a face at Li Zeyan and hurry off to answer the door.

Delivery Guy: Excuse me, is this Mr. Li’s residence? I’ve got a Flash Delivery package for him.

I accept the rather sizable cardboard box, then curiously glance towards the kitchen.

MC: What did you order?

LZY: Why don’t you open it and find out?

I carefully open the box and find an unexpected item inside––

──────────────

[Tidbits]:

[1] It’s a reference to Li Zeyan’s “Home Visit Date!” 

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 3】

MC: “Chocolate fountain machine for home use”?

As I look at the name on the instruction manual, I read it out loud in surprise.

The supermarket’s holiday chocolates are already vying for attention with their romantic beauty, but I didn’t expect Li Zeyan to have an even more surprising design up his sleeves.

MC: Wow… isn’t this something you’d usually find only at hotels or fancy gatherings?

LZY: Mm-hmm. Given the unusual circumstances today, I’d have to slack off for now.

MC: “Slack off”?

Li Zeyan meets my puzzled gaze and places the machine on the table, then proceeds to gesticulate the patterns of the fountain.

LZY: Since it’s liquid, it simplifies the project by skipping several steps and can’t be stored. Once prepared, it’s only enough for a single serving.

LZY: If a certain someone has any objections, I’ll make a better one for you another day.

MC: Not only do I have no objections, but I also want to “redress injustices” on behalf of the chocolate fountain.

I wedge myself between him and the bar counter, pretending to be angry as I place my hands on my hips.

MC: How could you ever consider something as amusing and creative as this chocolate fountain as “slacking off”?!

MC: Moreover, regardless of how simple the procedure may be, Restaurant Manager Li’s creations are always one-of-a-kind.

Li Zeyan gives me a look and curls his lips into a smile.

LZY: Seems like this choice has turned out to be exactly something a certain someone would’ve liked. Since you’re so interested, why don’t you join me in making it later?

–

The “home version” of the Valentine’s Day feast still lives up to Li Zeyan’s high standards. After having our fill of eating and drinking, we finally bring the chocolate fountain to the table.

I skewer a strawberry, coat it with chocolate sauce, and take a bite. The rich aroma of chocolate blends harmoniously with the strawberry’s fresh sweetness, causing me to squint my eyes as if  I were in paradise.

MC: So, so yummy!

LZY: Easy there; be careful not to let the chocolate sauce drip onto you.

Li Zeyan fetches a sheet of paper and places it on my lap, then takes a toothpick to help me skewer the strawberries.

A warmth blooms in my heart. I lean in and hug his arm.

MC: Every dish today has been a hit, plus there’s also a certain handsome guy winning over with his attentive service. I think I ought to give it at least a four-star Michelin rating.

LZY: Is that extra star a reward for yourself?

MC: Hehe, didn’t you just say earlier that your little sous chef did a good job today?

LZY: Indeed, and the dining experience was neater than usual, too.

MC: Those who are capable do the most work, and those who work most deserve extra serving at the table! [2]

Li Zeyan smiles as he listens to my nonsense and pushes a plate of chocolate-coated strawberries in front of me.

LZY: [the indulgence hhh]  Alright, “capable one,” today you’re allowed to have a little extra.

MC: Why are you giving them all to me? Aren’t you going to have a taste?

LZY: There’s a certain dummy who’s been looking forward to this for so long, so let’s let her have her fill first.

As I take another bite of a strawberry, I keep pondering which words to persuade him to taste it. When I look up, I find that Li Zeyan has had his eyes fixed on me the whole time.

MC: What’s wrong?

LZY: It’s nothing.

LZY: I was just thinking, with the sudden change of plans today, are you genuinely okay with it?

MC: It wasn’t something within our control. Besides, just the location got changed, that’s all.

LZY: But it did eat into our time, and we missed the beginning of your show.

MC: I didn’t realize CEO Li was looking forward to my show this much, huh?

LZY: [laughs helplessly]  I wonder who kept promoting it non-stop next to my ear every day.

Grinning, I lean sideways onto his shoulder and reach out to poke his cheek.

MC: You somehow pulled off such a complicated feast to make up for it. What could I have to be dissatisfied with?

MC: Besides, the most important thing today is to be glued to the person you like; it doesn’t matter even if the time hasn’t been used efficiently.

Picking up the dessert tray, I skewer a strawberry and feed it to him.

MC: In order to make you truly understand how I feel, I warmly invite you to taste the flavor of bliss for yourself. [3]

LZY: Dummy, you’ve already mentioned the “taste of bliss” at least five times today.

LZY: Why do I get the feeling that you always seem to find “bliss” in everything you eat?

MC: That conclusion seems to be a bit of a sweeping generalization.

MC: There may be an abundance of delicious food in the world, but there are only two kinds that can truly bring me a sense of bliss.

MC: Home-cooked meals made by family members and the food you prepare with love.

Li Zeyan takes the plate and gently holds my now-empty hand.

LZY: Was your father very skilled in the kitchen?

MC: He…

MC: He was too busy with work, so there weren’t many opportunities for him to showcase his skills… but the flavors in my memory are very warm; it was the taste of home.

LZY: No wonder a certain someone has a good palette; apparently, she was nurtured well since childhood.

MC: Hehe, but I believe happiness doesn’t just stem from the flavors; the particulars are crucial, too.

LZY: What do you mean?

MC: For example, when Dad came home late from work and would accidentally add too much salt to the quick dishes he prepared, we’d end up laughing it off together during the meal.

MC: For instance, when a certain someone’s own plans went awry, he still prioritized taking care of my feelings.

MC: Like when that certain person could have simply settled for making regular chocolate, but instead, he went out of his way to design a chocolate fountain.

MC: I’m not someone who eats anything at any place without preference. Restaurant Manager Li, please don’t get the wrong idea.

I wink at Li Zeyan. He stares at me for a while, then suddenly breaks the silence.

LZY: Do you know why Souvenir always gives you special privileges?

MC: Why?

LZY: Because while a certain person isn’t very skilled in cooking, she sure is an excellent eater, and she equally excels at “paying the debt for the free meals with her words.” [4]

MC: Nonsense! That’s called showing gratitude, alright!

Unwilling to back down, I stuff another strawberry into his mouth, blocking any potential retort.

MC: Some people’s sweet words don’t last more than three seconds. As punishment, I’ll make you eat more chocolate to make amends.

LZY: [laughs helplessly]  …Dummy.

──────────────

[Tidbits]:

[2] The original sentence said by MC here was “能者多劳, 劳者多吃!” The first part of it is actually an idiom: lit. meaning, “it’s the most capable people who do the most work.”  The idiom is intended as consolation for the overworked, or flattery when making a request etc. The second part is a word-play on the idiom, so I tweaked the translation to fit the play here!

[3] The term MC uses here is “幸福,” and I had to sit on this one for a while to use a term that is not too wordy but still carries a closer meaning to the CN term. While it essentially does refer to “happiness,” the term carries a deeper connotation than 开心 (happy) / 快乐 (joyful), which refer to short bursts of bright emotions. Whereas “幸福” refers to lasting, fulfilling happiness and holistic contentment~

[4] The term Li Zeyan uses here is “吃人嘴短,” which he’s cleverly re-generated from the proverb “吃人嘴软, 拿人手短” to get his message across efficiently. I’m just too tired to explain the inside joke here LOL, so I opted for a wordy translation to try to get the message across nonetheless.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 4】

Host: Auntie, how do you usually store your ring?

Granny: Store it? I’ve never taken it off. I keep it on even when I’m working.

Granny: In our generation, we didn’t fuss over all those things. Besides, life inevitably keeps throwing urgent matters at you, so there’s little to no time to ponder over such matters.

While listening to the conversation on TV, I hand the last plate on the table to Li Zeyan.

After a quick rinse, he loads the plates into the dishwasher. Just as he straightens up, I hug him from behind.

MC: We just finished eating; why not rest for a while?

LZY: [chuckles indulgently] What? Are you saying eating can tire you out, dummy?

MC: …don’t you feel a bit sluggish after eating too much?

LZY: [that indulgent tone intensifies x10]  No wonder I feel like I’m carrying extra weight on my back.

Hearing the obvious laughter in his voice, I let out a couple of “hmphs” and continue to lean against his back without a care in the world.

LZY: A certain someone here has eaten her plate clean so thoroughly, lightening the load quite a lot, so this shouldn’t take too much time.

MC: That’s an essential skill for a Souvenir diner! But every time I see you being so diligent, I feel a tad embarrassed.

MC: It’s one thing not to procrastinate at work, but how can you not be lazy in your everyday life as well?

LZY: Wouldn’t it be more of a hassle if everything piled up at once?

LZY: Taking care of things immediately when they happen also helps avoid any unexpected complications.

Thinking back to how he methodically rearranged everything this morning, I can’t help but sigh with a twinge of envy.

MC: I’m so lucky to have you around; it’s what could make today so delightful.

LZY: Even after having to do so much work, you still consider it delightful?

MC: Yep! Cooking with you is like playing a game, but without the need to worry about failing any levels!

LZY: Dummy has a knack for turning any place into an amusement park.

MC: Then you’re the amusement park manager!

Li Zeyan finishes washing his hands, turns around, and boops the tip of my nose.

LZY: [in the softest of tones]  It seems that with you around, I’ll never have to worry about being unemployed.

LZY: Let’s go. Let’s focus on watching your show.

—

Li Zeyan pulls me to nestle into the couch. The show has now reached the interview segment, and the host is asking the elderly woman about the happiest moment of her life in the decades that have gone by.

Granny: If I had to choose one, it would be one night before going to sleep, when my husband touched the ring on my hand and said, “It’s all scratched up.”

Granny: When we calculated, we realized we’ve been wearing our rings for several decades.

Host: Those rings must be bearing many traces of life, wouldn’t you say?

Granny: Yes, that’s right. At first, I wanted to reprimand him, to show him how much work I’ve done. But then I touched his ring, and it was just the same.

Granny: At that moment, I suddenly felt, this person next to me has been by my side for a very long time.

I snuggle into Li Zeyan’s embrace, intertwining my fingers with his and stroking them.

MC: If it were the two of us, your ring would definitely be the one to wear out first.

LZY: Not necessarily; we also have to take into account a certain someone stirring up trouble and acting silly.

MC: Perhaps in a few decades, I’ll have grown smarter already!

LZY: Then let’s make a bet. We’ll see if you still remember this statement in a few decades.

MC: Alright, you’re on. But we’re both in this, so it wouldn’t be fair to put only me to the test.

LZY: Go on, what plan are you hatching now?

I roll my eyes and wriggle out of his arms.

MC: You watch the show; I’ll be back in a jiffy.

I trot over to the pantry and open one of the low cabinets. Owing to the Valentine’s Day themed program, I have received quite a few chocolates from our collaborators.

I take out the heart-shaped box placed at the top and return to Li Zeyan’s side.

–

MC: Li Zeyan, I have a small gift for you.

LZY: What, haven’t had enough chocolate yet?

Li Zeyan glances at the box in my hand, then raises an eyebrow at me. I smile but don’t say anything, opening the box and putting it into his hand.

MC: Hold on~ Let me do a magic trick for you first.

MC: Close your eyes, and then just pick any chocolate from inside.

LZY: [gentle, helpless chuckle]  What kind of stunt are you pulling this time?

Despite saying this, Li Zeyan still closes his eyes and follows suit. I take the chocolate he hands me and gently tear open the wrapper.

The golden foil paper is extremely delicate and prone to tearing if handled with even the slightest bit of carelessness. But by now, I’ve already become skilled enough to roll it up smoothly.

During the filming of this show, chocolate almost became our only snack. Every time I was on the phone with Li Zeyan, I would chat with him while casually rolling the candy wrappers.

I didn’t expect the “practice makes perfect” proverb to come to fruition like this, but inadvertently, I managed to craft this paper “ring.”

MC: Done! Now, extend your hand again.

He doesn’t seem to quite understand what my intention is, so he reaches into the box for another chocolate and hands it to me.

Seeing him so cooperative, I can’t help but laugh out loud, giving his fingertips a squeeze as I hold up the “ring” I have just created.

MC: You can open your eyes now!

–

LZY: …?

Li Zeyan looks at the small ring in my hand and blinks slowly.

LZY: [YOU CAN LITERALLY HEAR IN HIS TONE THAT HE’S CAUGHT OFF GUARD 🥹]   This is…?

MC: As you can see, an exclusively customized ring from 24-karat pure gold!

MC: Handcrafted from start to finish, Mr. Li Zeyan is the only one in the world who has the opportunity to own it.

Li Zeyan is momentarily taken aback, then glances at the torn-open chocolates on the table, before suddenly breaking into a smile.

LZY: Even such a brief moment as this is ample for your creativity to soar.

MC: I’ve been planning this for a long time. You can’t just whip up such a rare ring on the spot.

MC: Since you’ve made that bet with me, I must also reciprocate.

I straighten up and slowly slide the small ring onto his ring finger.

Li Zeyan’s gaze also remains fixated on my fingertips until the ring moves past his second joint, then he lifts his eyes to stare at me again.

Under the sunlight, those deep, enigmatic eyes of his shine even brighter, an expectation as clear as crystals surging within them.

I gaze fixedly at him, his cheeks now tinged with a gentle blush, and find myself unable to suppress the smile that steals across my lips.

MC: I bet that you will still remember this day, this moment, even decades from now.

MC: Just like I will.

After a few seconds of silence, Li Zeyan tosses the chocolate in his hand aside and tightly clasps my hand with his broad palm.

Seeing that he still hasn’t said anything, I press on and ask once more.

MC: How about it? Do you want to make this bet with me?

LZY: Sure, but…

Even before the words have fully left his mouth, a sudden force on my wrist yanks me towards him. I can’t help but cry out in surprise, only to find myself falling into his arms.

A warm breath immediately envelopes me as he locks me firmly in his arms, and I find myself slowly consumed by an intense yearning.

LZY: [nearly breathless] If you want me to remember, you’ll have to up the ante.

Without waiting for me to respond, he continues kissing me, effortlessly subduing any possible protest I could have.

Even after all this time, he still kisses me with the same uninhibited passion as he did the first time. The distant time and unspoken words all melt away in the gentle caress. [5]

The sound from the television gradually fades away, and the stories of others drift beyond my consciousness.

Even without this bet, I would find it impossible to forget this moment.

After who knows how long has passed, Li Zeyan gently releases me, lowering his head to rest his forehead against mine.

I look into his eyes, so close and within reach, and feel a surge of emotion in my heart.

MC: Li Zeyan.

LZY: Hm?

MC: Will you–– [6]

Before I can say anything further, he promptly raises his hand to cover my mouth.

LZY: [HIS PANICKED TONE HHHH]  Wait.

LZY: I’ve accepted the world’s most creative ring, but please don’t say anything more.

LZY: This is something that I should be the one to take care of.

I pause for a moment, then quickly understand what he meant, unable to suppress a laugh as I hold onto his hand.

LZY: Why are you laughing?

MC: Hahaha, although I really don’t want to spoil the atmosphere, but actually, I wanted to ask––

MC: Li Zeyan, will you wear this ring to work?~ ^^

───────────────

[Tidbits]

[5] Unnecessary, really, but still a refresher– it’s the callback to his first kiss aka “Dazzling Date.”

[6] Although obvious from Li Zeyan’s reaction, I still wanna clarify– he cut MC off when she had only gotten to “你愿不愿意—” (will you/ would you be willing to)-- and the rest of that sentence typically is “(will you) marry me” (你愿不愿意嫁给我吗), which is why LZY doesn’t even take any chances and goes, “nope not happening, I wanna do it” 😂❤️

───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

【Personal Ramblings】

Remainder of One’s Life Date: here!

─────────────────────────────────

[blitzwhore]

37 with stolitz?

37. Kissing it better

Stolitz | 1.1 k | G | kid fic (The Circus flashback), Stolas likes Blitzo, Stolas needs a hug, child neglect, fluff, tree-climbing, Blitzo likes pirates

On AO3

Blitzo was having so much fun. Now that the whole stealing stunt was over and done with and most of his anxiety had finally left him, he was in such a great mood. 

Against all odds, he genuinely liked Stolas. The kid was a bit weird, sure—and very, very gullible—but he also seemed kind, and he'd said Blitzo would be a good boss, which was always nice to hear. 

Energized, he climbed the tree again. It was so huge, and, admittedly, beautiful. He got to the nearest branch and once again stood on it, extending his arms to keep his balance and imagining himself on the circus’ tightrope before a roaring audience. He jumped up and down, and he could almost hear the cheers growing louder just for him. 

“What are you doing?” Stolas asked curiously from where he was still sitting at the tree's base. 

“What do you mean?” 

Stolas turned his head inquisitively. 

“I mean… why do you keep climbing the tree?” 

Huh? What kind of question was that? 

“Uh, because it's fun.” Blitzo shrugged. This kid didn't seem to know what that word meant. “Haven't you ever climbed it before?” 

At that, Stolas chuckled, like Blitzo's suggestion was the weirdest thing he'd ever heard.

“Of course not!” he said, in that adorable, posh accent he had. 

Blitzo gaped, and promptly decided that having a giant tree in your garden and not climbing it had to be illegal. 

He hopped down onto a root, extended a hand, and said, “Let's do it!”

“What?” Stolas’ eyes widened with concern. “But I—I don't know if I can.”

“It's okay, I'll teach you. Come on, I won't let you fall!” Blitzo said with a smile. Stolas’ cheeks went slightly pink. 

“O-Okay,” he stammered. He left his fancy book on the floor and stood, taking Blitzo's hand. “How do we…?” 

“Put your hands here and here,” Blitzo instructed, guiding Stolas’ black talons to two small lumps on the trunk. “Now put one foot here and the other over here.” 

Stolas followed his instructions with trembling hands.

“Okay, n-now what?” he asked, looking back at Blitzo. 

“Now what? Now you climb!” Blitzo cheered him. “Push yourself up and grab that other lump. Come on, I'll be right behind you!” 

“V-Very well,” Stolas hesitantly agreed, and actually began to push himself up, maddeningly slowly at first, but progressively faster as his confidence grew.

“Let's get to that branch!” Blitzo said, pointing to it, and Stolas hummed and reached out toward it. But, just then, his foot slipped and almost kicked Blitzo in the face. 

“Ow!” Stolas winced. Before he could lose his grip on the tree's trunk, though, Blitzo extended a hand and grabbed Stolas by the leg, helping him stabilize himself by guiding it back to the bump it had slipped off of.

“Told ya I had you,” Blitzo said with immense pride. “Come on, you're almost there!” 

When Stolas made it to the branch, Blitzo jumped up beside him, and they sat next to one another. Stolas was looking down at the ground with worry, but Blitzo was looking right at Stolas, and saw the moment the boy's eyes darted up and his concern turned to wonder when he noticed the leaf-covered branches that surrounded them. 

“We're so high up!” Stolas said, awed. Looking much more relaxed now, he let go of his grip on the branch and rested his hands on his legs—and then hissed. Blitzo looked down just as Stolas moved his hand to reveal a scratch on his… well, Blitzo didn't know that much about bird anatomy, but he guessed it was best described as his front knee. 

“Oh,” Stolas murmured. 

“Ouch,” Blitzo agreed. “Happens sometimes. Here, my mama has the best remedy for these.” 

Careful not to lose his balance, Blitzo leaned down and pressed a tiny kiss next to the scratch. 

It was only after sitting back up and noticing Stolas’ bewildered expression that he realised maybe randomly kissing a royal better the way he would Barbie or Fizz wasn't the smartest decision.

“Uh.” Blitzo winced. “Sorry if that was weird.”

Stolas’ cheeks had gone completely pink, and all four of his eyes were wide open. 

“Oh,” he hooted, a high-pitched little sound. “Um.” He shook his head. Several times. “It's more than okay, please don't apologise. I just wasn't expecting to have my first kiss just now.” 

“Your—” Blitzo shook his head in utter shock. What was this guy on about?! “First kisses only count if they're on the lips!” 

Stolas’ eyes grew impossibly wider, the pink on his cheeks beginning to properly glow.

“W-Well, typically in romance books, that's true,” he argued, “but this was my first… overall kiss. Surely you know what I mean.” 

“Ermmmm… nope,” Blitzo said. 

“What I mean is, we all have our first regular kiss, and our first romantic kiss on the lips.” 

Blitzo shook his head. 

“That makes no sense. Your first regular kiss happens when you're a baby and your parents kiss you goodnight, you can't remember it.” 

Stolas looked away, and his face contorted with something close to... shame? 

“I suppose so,” he murmured. “That's probably true for most people.” 

Blitzo had no idea what to say to that. Surely Stolas was messing with him, right? 

… Right? 

Though, his dad had kind of seemed… off, earlier, when he'd chastised Stolas for bowing to Blitzo. And then he'd left so quickly, leaving them to their own devices in this gigantic, eerily empty palace. 

Not to mention the lack of family portraits in the palace's walls. For all the fancy decorations across the hallways and rooms, every single portrait had been of just… Stolas. All alone. 

Could it really be…?  

“In any case,” Stolas said all of a sudden, turning back to Blitzo with a shy smile. “What I meant to say is I'm glad it was you. Thank you, Blitzo.” 

“Er—you're welcome,” he said awkwardly. He didn't know how to feel about this. He really hadn't meant for it to be a big deal. 

“... So,” Stolas said, “what do you do once you've climbed a tree?” 

Oooh, now that Blitzo could confidently answer.

“Well, that's easy.” He grinned as he stood. “When you climb a tree with someone else, you have to carefully choose your sacred sword”—he snapped off a big enough branch from above his head and pointed it menacingly at Stolas—“so you can defend your honor in a pirate's combat!” 

“A pirate's combat?!” asked Stolas. When he saw Blitzo's devilish grin, he hesitantly stood, and looked nervously around for a fitting branch. Man, he was such a dorky kid. It was adorable.

Charging toward a barely ready Stolas, Blitzo laughed with glee and shrieked, “A pirate's combat… to the death!!!!!!!”

[doumadono]

emergency request

depression has been kicking my ass lately and making it difficult to exist and function as an adult. i know you did an aizawa req recently, but i would really appreciate daddy!aizawa (or daddy!gojo) x reader where he's taking care of his babygirl who's struggling with self care tasks. if it's okay, pls don't include food/eating.

tysm <3

A/N: I'm really sorry to hear that you've been struggling with depression lately. It's essential to take care of yourself during challenging times, and I hope these headcanons will bring you a bit of comfort and distraction.

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

AIZAWA

Aizawa, despite his stern and stoic exterior, is incredibly attentive to your needs, especially when you're struggling.

He's a master at reading your body language and picking up on subtle cues that tell him when you're feeling down. Aizawa is typically up late grading papers or patrolling, but when he notices that you're struggling with daily tasks, he makes it a point to be there for you.

He's a man of routine, and he knows that routines can be helpful for managing depression. Aizawa would gently encourage you to establish a daily routine, but he'd never force it. Instead, he'd suggest it as a way to provide structure and stability in your life.

"Babygirl, I know it's tough right now, but let's take care of you, okay? We'll do it together."

He understands that self-care isn't just about physical tasks but also emotional well-being.

When it comes to personal hygiene, Aizawa would be there to help you with things like drawing a warm bath, picking out a soothing bath bomb, and even washing your hair if needed. He'd do it all with the utmost care and gentleness, asking you about your day, and sharing stories from his day as well.

Aizawa takes extra care in washing your hair, massaging your scalp with gentle, circular motions. His touch is both soothing and loving.

"I'm here, babygirl. You don't have to go through this alone," he'd say, his voice low and soothing.

He helps you into comfy pajamas, the ones you love the most, ensuring you're warm and snug.

Aizawa is a fantastic listener. He'll sit with you on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, and let you talk or just sit in silence if that's what you need.

He'll encourage you to take small steps toward self-care. Each small accomplishment is a victory.

GOJO

Gojo is the playful and mischievous, but he takes your struggles seriously and will go above and beyond to make you feel better.

He often peppers his words with humor to make you smile. "Come on, princess, let's show this depression who's boss today!"

He'll plan fun activities to take your mind off things. Whether it's watching a funny movie or playing a silly game, he's there to lift your spirits.

Gojo is all about affection. He'll shower you with kisses, hugs, and compliments, constantly reminding you of how amazing you are.

He understands that self-care can be daunting, so he'll break it down into manageable steps.

"How about we start with a bubble bath, and then we'll tackle the rest together?"

He's incredibly patient and understanding, always ready to provide the support you need.

Gojo lets you pick the bath salts and essential oils for your bath. "What scent do you feel like today, sweetheart? Lavender for relaxation, or maybe something citrusy to boost your mood?"

He plays some calming music in the background, creating a serene atmosphere as you soak in the bath.

After the bath, Gojo gently dries your hair and brushes it, making sure you feel cared for from head to toe.

Gojo encourages you to share your feelings and thoughts. He listens attentively, making sure you know that you can always talk to him.

[hearts4renaa]

JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.

summary: visiting your first love from your hometown is always difficult, especially when you both know you won’t be around for long. featuring arataki itto, thoma, and kaveh.

contains: 1.9k words. hurt no comfort. childhood friends to almost lovers.

a/n: i quoted lyrics from tis the damn season by taylor swift :) this honestly hurt to write, as a girl who thinks about hometowns and nostalgia very often

Sleep in half the day, just for old times sake. I won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay.

“Y/N, I got you a farewell gift!” Itto calls out happily. The familiar voice is like music to your ears. Returning home after so long was always interesting; especially since your usual trips frequented less and less as the time went on. But either way, you would come and go. And every time, Itto would be there to greet you with a smile. Leaving your hometown was hard. Leaving him was worse. But a small town in Inazuma couldn’t bring your dreams to life. However, Mondstadt could.

Itto can’t help but feel helpless whenever you return, only for you to leave again. He wanted you to chase your dreams, but he’d just wish he’d be there for that too. Or maybe he wished you’d find a way to stay. No matter what, Itto was there, and your feelings for each other were too. But he knew you’d eventually leave - who was he to hold you back? He remembers the last night before you left. Hushed whispers and pinky promises under the stars, making you swear to visit him as much as you could. “Of course I will, you’re my best friend.” was your response. The two of you knew it was more than that, but speaking up wouldn’t have made the goodbye easier.

You smile at Itto’s enthusiasm. “Oh yeah?” Your voice has a teasing edge.

He grins back, pulling out a small gift box from behind his back. He plops himself next to you, handing you the box. You open it with a screen-worthy smile, gently pulling out the necklace inside. The chain glimmered under the sunset, the pendant shimmering in the dim light. You look closely at the engraved words. “For old times sake.” it read. You feel your eyes sting with tears, facing away from him. You blink rapidly to hold them back, clutching the necklace. “Thank you, Itto.” You choke out. Your back faces him, but you can feel the melancholy coming from his form. Silence emerges between the two of you, apart from your slight sniffles.

“…Did you ever wish you never left?” Itto’s mood is a complete 180. The two of you were now back to back, unable to see the other’s expression.

“What do you mean?” Your voice is quiet. You know damn well what he meant.

“Like, Inazuma.” He says. “Did you ever regret moving away from here? From…” He hesitates for a moment. “…From me? Or us, if we ever even had something like that.”

Your breath hitches in your throat. Of course you regret it. How could you not? Sure, your career might be booming in Mondstadt, but what’s the point of stability with no satisfaction? With no him? Leaving all you had ever known and loved for an opportunity in Mondstadt. Besides, even if things became official, who said you guys would last? You knew you’d be busy. You couldn’t have been there for him like a proper partner. If you could go back in time, you’d turn down every opportunity if it meant you could be next to him. With him. But you couldn’t dump all of that on him now.

He sighed, taking your silence as an answer. You’ve never heard him so dejected before. “It’s okay. I hope Mondstadt is doing you well.” You feel the tears begin to build up again, but you can’t stop them this time. They fall freely, like rain in the night sky. He begins to speak again. “I think we could’ve worked out, you know.”

But that’s what stings the most. He was there. In some other universe, the two of you were happy, the whole time.

So I’ll go back to L.A, and the so-called friends who’ll write books about me if I ever make it. And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I’m faking.

Thoma’s arms are locked around you, caging you in as if you’d disappear forever if he dared to loosen his grip. His bedroom is silent, save for the occasional hitched breath or soft sniffle. It was your first visit to Inazuma ever since the Vision Hunt was over, and Inazuma was open again. You left not long before the initial shutdown, and you were unable to return home, finding refuge in Liyue instead. You rebuilt your life in the land of Geo, becoming a successful writer. Liyue became your home, and your time in Inazuma slowly faded from memory. But there was one thing about Inazuma that you would never forget; Thoma. How could you forget him, your first everything. Your first kiss, your first date, the first boy to give you flowers.

Above all, he was also your first heartbreak. The pain of being away from him felt like your heart was being ripped out of your chest. But as time went on, you learned to live apart. You learned to be away from him, but being in his arms again makes you feel like you’re right back at square one.

“I have to go, Thoma.” You whisper. “I have to get back home.”

“You are home.” He chuckles lightly. “This is our home.” He gestures to the space around the two of you.

You sigh shakily. “No, Thoma,” You try to get the words out. “Liyue. I need to get back to my home in Liyue.” Your eyes refuse to meet his own.

His heart shatters in an instant as the realization hits him like a boulder. This isn’t your home anymore. He wasn’t your home anymore. To Thoma, nothing screams home more than you did. Your hair, your scent, your touch. Everything about you felt like home. You were his home, but he wasn’t yours anymore. His hold on you loosens.

“Right.” He murmurs. His arms drop slightly, but they’re still wrapped around you. “Liyue.”

You reach over to remove his hands from your frame, gently grasping his wrists. Once you’re fully out of his grip, you take a step back. The space between the two of you feels like the ocean separating your respective nations. Your respective homes. The silence is deafening. Your eyes direct themselves to the floor.

“I really think you’ll change the world someday, just like you dreamed of.” His comment is sudden, but the solemn edge to his voice makes it obvious that he’s been thinking about it for a while. You glance over at him. His eyes are downcast, deep in thought. “And I’ll cheer you on the entire time.”

That comment floored you. Your tears ran freely across your cheeks, creating rivers of salt. “Thank you…” Were the only words you could choke out. The two of you sat in silence for a while, but the setting sun told you that it was over. It’s time to go.

You make your way to his door, and he seems to catch on, following behind you. “Think of me while you make history, okay?” He lets out a sad laugh. You turn to face him one last time. A wry smile etched itself onto his face. You hug him one last time. You hug him so tightly it almost seems like you’re trying to commit his body to memory. He squeezes back. His lips brush against your ear.

“Have a safe trip home.”

And the heart I know I’m breaking is my own. To leave the warmest bed I’ve ever known.

“The Akademiya is running wild over Y/N’s return.” Alhaitham mumbled, flipping the page of his book. Kaveh freezes for a moment. The pair were in the Akademiya library, each doing a personal activity. Kaveh sets his pen down, rolling up his latest project without a word. Alhaitham’s eyes look up from his book, veiled sympathy in his look. “Do you think you’ll greet them?”

Kaveh sighs softly. “I don’t know. It’s been a while.” And he was right. It’s been over a year since you graduated from the Akademiya. Beloved and idolized by so many scholars, you made the choice to leave Sumeru in hopes of traveling the world. You made the choice to leave him. Kaveh, your childhood best friend, the boy next door. The boy who saw all your worst times. The boy who cushioned every fall and lifted you up again. The boy who adored you, but was far too afraid to bring it up. The boy who loved you endlessly, even as he watched you leave, unknowing that you felt the same.

He doesn’t even get the time to fully ponder Alhaitham’s question before he notices a figure begin to near in the corner of his eye. “Kaveh,” A voice says. He didn’t need to fully look up to know it was you. Alhaitham’s eyes flicker between the two of you before he ultimately decides to take his leave, muttering a quick goodbye. Having no choice but to face you, he turns his head to look up at you from his seated position.

“Hey.” His voice is meek, as if he was afraid to overstep. You notice his awkwardness, deciding to take the seat across from him. The silence is almost painful. Anyone could tell that the tension between the two of you was so thick it could’ve been cut with a blade. “How Liyue?” He asks, finally mustering the courage.

You hum, grateful for the long awaited conversation prompt. “It’s pretty great. I got to learn a lot of things.” He sees the way your eyes have a certain shine when talking about this foreign region. It stings him to see how he used to see that shine in your eyes back in your Akademiya days. Back when you weren’t so far away. You smile softly as you retell a brief recap of your Liyue adventures.

“I’m glad.” He says. “I’m happy that you got to do what you dreamed of.” His timid smile throws you off, and you realize that the once lived familiarity between the two of you is long gone. And you know that things like that can’t just snap back after a year of each other’s absence. The silence returns. You feel as if you’re suffocating.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” You whisper.

He flinches. “Tell you what?” He’s nervous, and you can tell by the way his eyes dart back and forth anxiously.

“That you loved me.” Your eyes are like storms as you look at him. Not the thunder bringing storms, but the kind with the heavy rain where the ‘pitter-patter’ keeps you up all night. He was taken aback. Was he that obvious? Were you really able to tell? “I already know, Kaveh.” A sad smile etches itself onto your face.

“Yeah, I did.” He finally responds. You’re the one who flinches this time. Not because he admitted to it with little to no resistance, but because of his choice of words. Did. Not that he does. Past tense, did. He did love you. He loved you in the past, but he doesn’t right now. You freeze up, immediately going silent.

He takes note of your discomfort and stands up, beginning to pack up his things. “Sorry, Y/N.” He apologizes. “I have… some things to work on.” You’re silent the entire time. He carries his things into his arms before looking back down at your sitting form. He opens his mouth to speak once more. He hesitates. His mouth closes. He turns around without a word, his figure slowly but surely disappearing from your line of vision.

You sit and watch him leave, the same way he did for you.

[tcfactory]

ngl my secret favourite ship is lbh sqh and mbj. i just think it'd be really funny for them to fight over the bestest little servant in the world and said guy just thinks they're fighting for the right to skin him alive.

That's honestly amazing? Like, I would read that.

I'm trying to figure out how this could work with SVSSS!Bingmei and what I have so far is like.

Binghe gets out of the Abyss early, head full of static and Xin Mo and Shizun (does he hate Shizun? does he love him?? he doesn't know, nobody knows, but it's all Shizun and the world better fall in line and let him figure it out) and when he goes to kick Mobei-jun's door down so he can have a sidekick in his demon realm conquering (he wants to do it to prove something to Shizun... it's not clear to him what, but he's sure it was a good idea when he came up with it, Shizun always said he's his smartest student so this has to be The Smartest Idea Ever too) and Airplane is like

"Wait, stop right there, (You are not supposed to be here yet, System wtf, all right all right if we can change things now let's see if I can FIX THIS SHIT so we don't all have to live under an overly horny tyrant forever) that sword is cursed, it's bad for you, it will consume you, if you want to do this right you have to put it back where you found it."

And Xin Mo is whispering all about how Shang Qinghua is lying, but Mobei-jun is very insistent that his weird little peak lord guy Knows Things and Is (almost) Always Right About Relic Stuff so Binghe caves. All right, they will put Xin Mo back for like a week so weird little guy can see that Binghe is FINE and HEALTHY and THINKING ABSOLUTELY CLEARLY because Shizun taught him to always approach things from multiple angles to find the best course of action (it was, as you guessed, Shen Yuan trying to make Binghe think twice about turning him into a human stick. In the heat of the moment even a few seconds of hesitation can be life-saving, you know!)

But a few days after Xin Mo is removed from him his thoughts start to clear. His mood stabilizes. He realizes that he had a horrible low-key migraine all along without realizing and it's now gone. He's not as strong without Xin Mo - maybe not strong enough to take over the demon realm yet, actually - but he can feel the aftereffects of the sword. He thinks back on the plans he had while holding Xin Mo and blanches at them, because omg Shizun would disapprove so hard.

Not that Shizun's approval matters anymore. He pushed Binghe away. He regrets it, he mourned for Binghe, according to Shang-shishu, but that doesn't matter because Binghe is clear headed enough to realize that as a heavenly demon he can't go back. It was the correct thing to do, even if it hurt both of them. So he'd better get back on the training grind to make himself a life here in the demon realm so his Shizun can live the rest of his life in safety (oh that's what the conquering idea was about. in hindsight, he's really not sure he could have pulled it off, he has no idea how empires work). But now he has a fledgling king as a friend who can maybe set him up with a tutor or something so he can actually make that empire thing into a workable idea eventually.

Also, almost accidentally, he starts paying attention to Shang Qinghua, Mobei-jun's hypercompetent scared rat man of an underling, and realizing that Shang-shishu has Layers. Very interesting, kinda appealing layers. And he didn't have to speak up about Xin Mo but apparently cared enough that he did anyway so if Binghe maybe starts having a little crush, well Shang Qinghua is also very pro-demon so he's a much safer option to crush on than his Shizun. Mobei-jun seems rather territorial about him, despite doing his courting completely wrong, but that's fine, Binghe can work with this and charm Shang Qinghua into being his before Mobei-jun could. Shang Qinghua won't even know what hit him!

Meanwhile from Airplane's perspective it's a concerning development because he wrote Binghe, he wrote Binghe's go to forms of manipulation and courting and he can see them being directed at him, but can't for the life of him tell why. Is he still mad at him for telling him to throw Xin Mo away??

And the demon boys are getting territorial over SQH because LBH has like Young Demon Hormones or some shit which makes him act very combative and stupid around MBJ who he now sees as a romantic rival. SQH would love it if they would stop fighting in the middle of very breakable buildings please! What are they even arguing about this time??? He's so confused and a little bit scared and maybe more than a little hot around the collar because LBH and MBJ inevitably end up tearing each other's clothes during their scuffles and Airplane's gay little heart just can't take this. T_T

It's all such a clownshow from start to finish, as befitting these idiots.