#we have overlapping interests but he's not into anime like i am and im not into south park like he is and that sort of song and dance

[awholeassmess]

im glad i stopped giving a damn what i put on this blog because I talk entirely too much for my low energy bestie and like,, he doesn't know half the shit that comes out of my mouth most of the time. Like he'll nod along but I am so high energy when it comes to stuff and he's not so I can be as high energy as i want here without making him feel like he's not being a good enough friend, because he's a great friend!!! I love having him in my life, he's just not always with the needed spoons for me to go from talking about the intricacies of light novel canon vs anime adaptation choices in Apothecary Diaries to gushing over fnf fanart in the span of ten minutes.

[meeks-just-wants-to-scroll]

im officially coming off anon hi its tossball-stick 🐊 obsessed with your mythical creature au youve got going. id love to hear more about it, should you wanna tell. satyr kieran and sean are gonna stick in my head for forever thank you so much

Thank you!!! Me and @eggsaladsweetie work hard at it for fun :) I am glad it has captured your interest.

We have a google doc that contains information about the AU (it’s a WIP tho)

I can summarize bits of the world lore. Some will be copy pasted, others will be informally summarized.

——

General gist:

The AU is centered around the RDR2 world except fantasy creatures have existed alongside humans for centuries. The creatures range from well known in folklore like unicorns, all the way to mix-match fantasy creatures.

These creatures are magical in regard to being able to shapeshift into humans, talk to humans, and hide amongst humans. Besides that, there isn’t much magic in the world (as of writing this post).

Story details:

There is no decided story for the AU currently. Some details are altered, like certain characters dying at different points than they do in-game (Sean survives past chapter 3! Long enough to see Bronte’s mansion).

In the story, Arthur realizes Dutch is off his rocker sooner than Arthur realizes in-game. This is because Arthur and Micah have a more amicable friendship in the AU and Micah is willing to tell Arthur that he believes Dutch isn’t doing okay, mentally and physically.

Arthur still gets sick too. Chronic wasting disease!! He gets it from Mary Linton (another Deertaur) while she sick in the town of Valentines looking for her brother.

The story still ends like how it does in-game (that’s the plan as of writing this). Dutch still leaves Arthur to die on the mountain and doesn’t team up with Micah again until much, much later.

General Creature Lore:

- Note: species is not a stand in for race, ethnicity, or nationality. Most groups or organizations are a mix match of species so as to not make the connection that a species represents a specific group of people. When groups of one species do form, it is in a wild animal way or family. A herd of satyr is like herding behavior in goats. A group of Wursts form a group because they are family. Multi species groups are not uncommon.

Humans have existed alongside mythical creatures since humans have existed alongside wild animals. Humans have tried many times to domesticate mythical creatures but they all possessed such intelligence and resilience that many religions, philosophers, and groups proclaimed the creatures as something both inhuman and too human.

The creature’s ability to shapeshift into humans was disliked by many. Cultures across the world hunted mythical creatures for the resources and to eliminate the overlap of mythical and human interaction (though not all cultures. Groups and certain cultures carved space for these mythical creatures to coexist alongside them and even work them into their religions, traditions, and ceremonies).

They came to be known interchangeably as monsters, mythicals, or fantasy creatures. There are connotations attached to them of course (“monster” sounds scarier than “mythicals”), but in use they all mean the same thing.

Mythicals (depending on their size and niche) used to be common but with human expansion, they’d become rarer and rarer. Seeing a mythical is like seeing a shiny Pokémon.

Mythicals and their view of humans is a mix of instinct vs knowledge. Mythicals have the fight or flight instinct of animals at their core, but they have the human intelligence to reason, rationalize, evaluate, judge, and hold grudges. Almost all mythicals avoid humans (unless in disguise) so as to not even risk the chance of a negative interaction with a human. One upset human could lead to a whole village ready to kill.

All species can disguise as human. They can look the part but it requires practice and either really good studying or having an acting coach to nail behaving human. Even harder to do it convincing enough to trick humans.

When disguised, their fur/pelt turns into their human clothes. This means any animal that transforms leaves a visual tell behind. Ex: Dutch’s suit always has a black leopard print which is visible when the light hits it right. Colm has gray feathers in his hat.

[there is a lot more about monsters and especially specific monsters in the google doc]

VDL gang:

The VDL gang is an organized pack of mythical creatures that were all taken under wing by Dutch and Hosea (be it sick, injured, starving, too feisty for their own good, or other).

Packs of various mythical species isn’t unheard of but for one to be so big and so tightly knit is rare; most packs that form are temporary and seasonal for survival.

The VDL has close to the same dynamic as they do in-game.

Monsters come in 3 sizes in the world (check google doc, it explains in detail these sizing in the general monster section). The 3 size classification loosely dictates what duties members do:

Small creatures often help around camp since they can’t take part in major fights. That isn’t to say they are defenseless, they can very might fight.

Medium creatures both help around camp and go out to make money for the gang. They are the nimble pawns for the gang to use where needed.

Large creatures main job is to pull wagons when they are traveling, but from the day-to-day, they make money and help around camp with heavy chores like carrying things. They have a stigma for being the laziest in the gang because their big size makes it hard for them to be used in every mission, but they’re the big guns for missions and do a lot of work when needed.

[more info on the VDL members in the doc]

Other Groups in the Story:

The Pinkertons: Government organized group for eliminating mythical creatures (on top of being a detective agency…)

They take up hunting down the VDL gang after throwing their weight around one too many times and making it an emergency to capture and or kill the gang and its beastly members.

Angelo Bronte: mythical taxidermy collector and mafia leader.

His mansion is stocked with well crafted taxidermy pieces of baby spinx chubs forever frozen in play. Taxidermy of satyr dancing and playing instruments but never making a sound.

The VDL gang hates being in human disguise while being forced to look at taxidermy of their own species.

—

That’s the broad strokes as of right now. You could ask @eggsaladsweetie and see what they have to say about the AU.

I will happily talk about specific characters or specific species or anything else in detail, just send an ask.

[dokiyeom]

OK 2ND PART YAYAYAYAYA my biases from these groups are namjoon + yoongi , taehyun + beomgyu , sunghoon + jungwon & hongjoong + san!! from the other groups it's eunchae + maybe sakura / chaewon (not sure yet!) , hoshi + hao + cheol + gyu + shua (THE LOMLS <3) & chenle + renjun + yuta + taeyong + xiaojun for nct 😇😇😇

i also really like the boyz , p1harmony , newjeans + other groups & soloists + krnb

i only have 1 friend who's into kpop because here they are lets say.. v closed off and narrow-minded so they are more the type to make fun of u or directly judge it without even having heard a single song (ive experienced it firsthand MULTIPLE times & almost everytime received a judgy comment when they found out i liked kpop 😑) NOT THAT I CARE BUT STILL ! it would be really fun to make pcs of each & listen to kpop tgt ngl but it's ok since i got my one closest friend who's also a kpop fan so we can talk about our groups, cbs, pcs and kpop news and buy albums tgt 😁 we were even supposed to go try and see ateez last year + this year but BOTH times it was exam season so we couldn't but she likes svt so much now she said she would accompany me if they go on europe tour 😝

omg should i watch it if i can ...... that sounds genuinely so cool 😭 imo art is so so cool i love it sm but as much as i would like to and admire it, i am not too much of an art gal except for writing. i did draw a bit when i was young and even got a drawing tablet & i love watching dance videos but writing is my thing yk so i just do that and have been for years hihihi

BUT i do get what u mean because it's difficult to turn those things into jobs yk like u have to be really really good at it and even then it's still difficult. WHAT ARE U GONNA STUDY because ur not into stem apparently and much more into arts obviously

don't flatter me too much hehe 😚 nekoma <33 always a soft spot for them ngl i think in general i had a huge thing for captains ... HELLO WE KINDA HAVE THE SAME FAV LIST :O i haven't watched s4 yet because im trying to collect the manga but yes i heard the animation was a but eh . But that the matches were v interesting like i saw so many tiktoks about the inarizaki game & it looked so so cool i wanna watch it so bad i swearrr I NEED TO REWATCH IT I STOPPED BEFORE THE TRAINING CAMP

omg the amount of overlap in biases that we have,,, im vv much jin, taehyun + beomgyu, sunghoon + jungwon, eunchae, jeonghan + dino + dokyeom, yuta + johnny + mark + chenle + ten + hendery biased :DD and potentially yeosang bc he’s so ?? pretty ?? AND AAGH TBZ !! i love kevin omfg ++ soul from p1h && haerin n hanni from newjeans :D ugh all of the newjeans members r so <3 tbh

and ugh so sorry to hear that !!! tbh i think it’s bc i live in a predominantly asian town so i think people around me r a lot more receptive to kpop,, but so glad u have a close friend u can share the joy w :DDD && vv much hope svt goes on a europe tour for u guys !!!!

yesyes !! u should def watch it !! the set is on youtube && it’s like 6 mins long so it won’t take too much time out of ur day :D and i’ve applied to most unis as a creative writing/english literature major !! but i’d hope to minor in media studies, linguistics, or fashion communications/styling/journalism !! it really just depends on which school i end up committing to && what they offer,, but im honestly so unsure abt my future so i want to explore diff options if possible :D what abt u ?

AND YESYES !! dori omg watching the rest of haikyuu imo is soso worth it,, like overall the series is just,, vv comforting && fun :D

[stripesysheaven]

For the stargirl character ask thingy

Cameron

Why I like them: he’s the son of a villain and he obviously is going to end up a villain, and yet he has a very kind heart. cameron is a character that has all the reasons in the world to be angry and mad, and yet he puts his pain into art, and uses that art to make others happy. him covering up the writing on yolanda’s locker with flowers was the moment i really started to like that kid. sure maybe he did it for courtney, but at the same time he barely knew her back then. and knowing how kind hearted his father is (ignoring his evil side) it’s easy to see that cameron is just a genuinely good kid. also cindy making fun of him offhandedly (something similar to “art freak”? i need to rewatch the shiv episodes sometime) really showed that while he’s nice, like with joey, it doesn’t make him one of the cool kids. maybe knowing that he’s a normal kid that isn’t super popular but is still a nice person makes him more lovable to me

Why I don’t: ngl im one of those ppl that gets nervous as soon as i see a straight relationship on tv bc they can be written badly sometimes and fall into plots that make the women look bad, so when we were introduced to him by him obviously being courtney’s love interest i was kinda unsure at first, but honestly i’ve enjoyed him on the show. i’m glad she isn’t obsessed with him and i’m glad he has a future outside of being her love interest, so that’s exciting! and honestly im excited for a lovers to enemies (to lovers?) plot and seeing how they navigate that

Favorite episode: episode 3!! icicle!! loved seeing him as a little kid, and the background story make you understand his softness and his love for art. makes him an enjoyable character

Favorite line: he has more of a “man of actions” vibe instead of a man of words. i don’t really have a favorite line of his, but him covering up the words on yolanda’s locker was a very memerable moment of his that i think spoke louder than words. shows he has a good judge of character

Favorite outfit: i find it interesting how cameron wears a green jacket in most of his scenes, green being the color that symbolizes most of the villains on the show foreshadows a lot how he is going to end up, but the specific outfit that cameron wears when he watches joey do his magic act with courtney switches it up by wearing a green undershirt and a blue shirt over it. blue could symbolize his good side, but more likely is referring to him one day becoming icicle (the picture below is of said look, ignore the bad quality i got it off google)

OTP: i wouldn’t call myself a camney stan, though i must say i like it way more than i expected to. i am interested in seeing the future of the two’s relationship. will they ever actually go on a date or skip to the enemies stage in the relationship? will they be only enemies one day or be somewhere between enemies and lovers?? i am curious what they will be like next season

Brotp: the only kid he has interacted with is courtney. like. there’s no one else?? he knew joey. they were friends apparently??? maybe???? joey for canon and henry for fanon thank u

Head Canon: anime nerd. i’m not even into anime, he just has the vibe

Unpopular opinion: hmmm. well there’s a small portion of the fandom that likes cameron but doesn’t see him as straight. that likes the idea of him and henry jr being together, and i gotta admit its cute. though if i want to go into extreme unpopular opinions, considering i’m an icewave fan, i also like the idea of them as stepbrothers? (obviously two very different thoughts that don’t relate or overlap, im not like that thank you very much) anyway at the very least it would have been cool to see cameron and henry jr interact since i can’t think of any scenes of them together, it would be cool to see a friendship between them

A wish: let him be good-evil like his father but still be in love with courtney. if it’s not obvious i do love an enemies to lovers plot and i hope we get those vibes for them

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: i hope they don’t change his writing in season 2 too dramatically. if jordan really is dead (or more likely, cameron thinks he’s dead) i’m afraid of how much they’ll change him. i know he needs to have a story arc of him turning into the next icicle, but i’m just afraid of how it will get there. if he ends up being overly angsty or angry, in a way that doesn’t fit his current characterization it could get weird. i also understand that his mom’s death was longer ago so his response to her death vs his father’s “death” will be very different

5 words to best describe them: artistic. light. kindness. floral. family.

My nickname for them: ice boi

[lunchador]

Don't mind me but I'm rambling. I'm gonna yell about this here cuz it is my fandom blog and that's what it's for.

Man, The Boys is the perfect example of seeing a comic, seeing the potential, and gutting it for something better. I used to be a fan of Garth Ennis, I used to say he was the kind of writer that could balance edgy in a fun way that wasn't too much, but after revisiting his work I'm like....very unimpressed. And I feel as he keeps releasing series they keep getting worse 😬 I can't say this on FB because some of my male friends hold it in high regards(lots of them read it as angry edgy teens) but Preacher? Kinda a super shit comic. I genuinely think the show was attempting something better by polishing up the core concept (also the casting? Chefs kiss). I liked The Boys. I own The Boys. But the show is a fantastic example of how a comic adaptation does not need to be faithful. I think they made the characters a lot more engaging, they kept the graphic violence but I'm not rolling my eyes at it, and made the overall plot more of an arc versus the previous baddie hero of the week style that made it feel disjointed. And it's nice not to be able to expect what is going to happen next, not like how some shows throw it in a new direction solely to fuck with you versus genuinely interesting. They still sprinkle tons of comic stuff nicely in the show (my friend and I screamed at love sausage). I think the timing of the show is excellent in both that there is a corporate superhero burnout with so many movies and shows being churned out (often playing it too safe where money > interesting) and also reflecting irl events in an eerie but clever way. The whole comic and show is assholes, and I'm thrilled to love to hate them. I couldn't even do much of a reread because it's just not that good to me anymore. Absolutely crazy that Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg read those two comics by Ennis and were like yeah, let's do this.

I feel the same way about Mark Millar though. I cannot stand his comics, I feel like he's pretty good with coming up with a concept but someone always executes it better on his behalf. Kingsman? Kick ass? Wanted? All superior to the comics. I think red son and jupiter's legacy are ones I did like, but I am very interested to see how netflix (?) Does jupiter's legacy in the wake of the boys. Not quite the same, but an edgy superhero series I highly expect people to make a comparison. It's about children of superheros that are struggling to live in their shadows. Drugs, sex, violence, drama.

On the other hand, I am screaming about the Invincible adaptation. IM SO FUCKING EXCITED. Invincible is in my top favorite comics, it got me INTO comics, and I always thought it was vastly superior to Kirkmans famous work Walking Dead. This I do hope sticks close to the comics (though maybe slightly better writing for women characters haha). I already know exactly what they're doing for the first arc and I really really hope we can get further than that because the series gets so fucking WILD. Insane all of the merch and now a show we are getting after the series ends. It's also super long for a western comic series at like 26 trades I think. I hope the show is a success for multiple reasons.

With the old guards success, I hope amazon finally does something with the rights they bought to Lazarus a few years ago. Greg Rucka is truly one of the best comic writers out there and that series is perfect for tv. Which reminds me I need to watch stumptown cuz I just bought the comic to reread and it's so good!!!!

And y the last man finally has its feet on the ground after being in development hell for like 10 years. Brian k vaughn writes the most human characters out there. And also paper girls is gonna be a series!!!! Fucking hell yeah!!! Hopefully it catches people attention as stranger things did. It's gonna be fun. And I hope saga never gets adapted. I truly think nothing will be able to capture it. Leave it as is.

And I'm still sad Chew ended up falling into development hell. Originally showtime wanted to use to to replace Dexter as that ended as their new bloody crime show, then it fell to an animated series which is better imo to pair with how weird it is and showcase the art style but I think the last I heard of it it was pretty much not happening. Especially since iZombie got surprising amount of traction and I guess they expected it to be too similar.

I'm also still bitter about Deadly Class's cancellation. I had a lot of potential. Great cast, good cinematography. It's such a fun tragic comic.

Locke&key was alright, it's such a good horror comic but I wouldn't be able to tell you what would have made the show better. Something didn't quite click for me.

I'm kinda really burnt out on marvel/dc. I don't think either is impressing me lately besides scattered things. I don't think I'm excited for any of the disney+ shows besides falcon+winter soldier and even then expectations are tentatively low. Maybe wandavision? I didn't give a shit about them in the movies but it's heavily based on a run of comics I did enjoy so I'm wary. I know only care about Hawkeye for Kate and she-hulk for the actress. Though I've been having a surprising amount of fun watching Doom Patrol and I enjoyed swamp thing. It's weird. It embraces that weird. There's something I feel like Umbrella Academy is missing it could learn from doom Patrol. Like ua still feels like it played it a bit safe. Idk. Haven't finished it because I'm not as motivated to.

And Faith?? Is gonna get a movie??? A plus size hero??? AHHHH. I have my first issue signed by the author I met at comic con a few years ago.

And watchmen of course.

And outcast, and happy, and powers! And I kill giants was turned into such a good movie!!! So many image comics!!

I just read nailbiter is gonna be a series so that's gonna be bloody and violent and full of serial killers lmao. The ending of that comic got a little ??? For me but I own the whole series so i guess that says something.

What a time to be a comics fan!!! We are so fucking spoiled lmao and there's still sooo many untapped series. I think Criminal would make a fantastic live action drama show. Who does like Intricate crimes and heists and overlapping stories And wic+div would make a stellar show especially if they really had fun with the music. And so many comics I like would make amazing animated series like pretty deadly, or chew, rocket girl. Haunt is another Kirkmans series that has potential to be a fun gritty superhero violent adaptation. Except the ectoplasma attacks haunt has looks like violent jizz sometimes. Idk. Like, URGHHHHHHH. Gimme gimme gimme more comic stuff.

And there's so many good things I'm not even aware it was a comic initially.

And there's so many things I hear good things I have yet to touch like black lightning, runaways ( I love the comics!!, Cloak and dagger (also great comics )

Old comic shit is good too. I've been rewatching the Spawn series. Adult animated superhero stuff is seriously underrated. The tank girl movie is FUN. ROCKETEEEEER!!!!! Disney was supposed to do a remake with a black girl. What happened to that?

I dislike all the cw shows though lmao too cheesy. Also why I can't get into agents of shield though I tried for Robbie.

So many THINGS

[lalainajanes]

Prompt for AU Week (or any time) (I am not particular obviously): kc + alphas of rival werewolf packs and fuck we're mates

Send Shivers Down My Back

When Caroline steps off the elevator she’s greeted by aneerie quiet. It puts her on edge. She’s later to arrive than usual, a sideeffect of a series of restless nights and a guest who didn’t know how to take ahint. It’s nearly 10 AM she should bethe last to arrive. Scanning the room she sees a full house, but there’s noneof the usual chatter and bustle. The ping of IMs is absent, there are notapping keyboards. Not a single squeaky wheel or shuffling of papers can beheard.

Caroline needs to figure out just what’s happened andquickly.

She pauses a few steps out of the elevator and looks aroundmore carefully, notes the pinched expressions and nervous fidgeting that aboundeven as all of her employees avoid her eyes.

Something was verywrong.

She doesn’t think it’sher – she’s not exactly a pushover ofa boss but she’s not Cruella DeVille either. Caroline expects results and isn’tshy about offering either praise or criticism. Nor did she allow herself to gettoo personally involved with her staff. Most of her employees were also herpack and her position as alpha was tenuous and often on the verge of beingchallenged. At work she took great pains to be cordial so she hasn’t thefaintest clue about why every person who works for her is suddenly acting like Carolinehad been hatching a plan to use their pelts for outerwear.

She begins walking again, her pace brisk, the crack of her heelson the marble tiles gunshot loud in the stillness. She stops in front of herassistant’s desk, notes that April is trembling with nerves. Caroline leansforward, smiling softly and making an effort to sound gentle. She can’t showthat she’s alarmed. Leaders never panicked. “April? Do you have any messagesfor me?”

“On your desk, ma’am. But…” her voice falters and she looksup at Caroline with wide, helpless eyes.

“But…” Caroline prompts.

“There’s a… visitor in your office.”

Caroline straightens abruptly, a swell of irritationmingling with her unease. “Why would you let someone wait in my officeunsupervised?”

April struggles to answer, at first only emitting astrangled whimper. She manages to draw in a shaky breath. “He didn’t reallygive me a choice.”

Caroline scoffs, “So? There’s a reason I pay a securityteam.”

She whirls when she hears the familiar whisper of her officedoor. It only takes another instant for the heavy scent of blood to hit her.Caroline tenses, darts a glance at the letter opener on April’s desk. It’s notsilver so it won’t kill a wolf but Caroline can certainly do some damage withit. Her fingers itch to lunge for it but she tells herself to be patient andassess the situation. She studies the man framed in the doorway carefully,trying to place him. He’s dressed casually in jeans and a snug grey Henleythat’s spattered with blood. He’s not particularly large or muscle bound butsome instinct tells Caroline not to let that fool her.

Her gut tells her he’s powerful, dangerous. All the more sobecause he doesn’t look it.

“Who,” she bites out frostily, “do you think you are?”

She vaguely hears April scurrying away though the man’s eyesdon’t leave Caroline. He drifts forward a step, then another, light on his feeteven in heavy boots and Caroline watches him approach carefully, looking forany twitch of muscle that will indicate he’s planning on going for her throat.

But there’s no threat in his movements, his hands remainvisible, loose at his sides. “I know exactlywho I am. I thought I knew who you were, Caroline Forbes, but it seems as if Imissed something critical.”

He sounds perturbed but Caroline only grows confused. Whatcould he possibly have missed? Caroline led two lives, kept pack business separatefrom her company, but she was an open book in both if you knew who to ask. Andfrom the way this guy carries himself, the intelligence in his eyes, he’s notthe type to do sloppy recon.

If he hadn’t shown up uninvited and spilled blood on herterritory she might have even respected him.

When he steps closer Carolineinhales instinctively, used to using her heightened senses to her advantage. Hisscent drifting over her and a light touch of cologne can’t hide the scent ofhis skin.

It hits her hard and she breathes deep, her heartbeatthrumming a frantic rhythm as she fights her instinctive need to claim what’shers with touch and teeth and claws. She wants her marks on his skin, his handson hers and for their scents to combine into something new, something that willwarn others away.

He’s hers. Only hers.

She’s heard enough stories to know what’s happening to her, what he is to her even though he’s yet tosupply a name. Caroline locks her knees to keep from swaying on her feet. It’sa struggle to maintain her hardened expression, but she has to think. She gritsher teeth and fights the pull of him, locks her muscles when her body protests.The urge to step forward is strong, all she wants to do is rend their clothinginto miniscule pieces, to press every inch of her skin to every inch of his.

She didn’t even care that they had an audience. Werewolvesweren’t exactly shy.

It takes longer to recognize the scent of the blood, butonce it tugs at her she uses it as a focal point. It’s familiar but placing ittakes time while she sorts through an overwhelming tangle of emotions.

Once it clicks she’s abashed that it took so long. She knowswhose blood her mate is wearing. After all, she’s spilled it herself often enough.

“Where’s Tyler?” Caroline demands, hating how thick andunsteady the words come out. She needs to get herself under control.

“Tyler?” the stranger asks, his head tipping to the sidequizzically.

Caroline offers a false smile. “Dark hair, about yay high?”She holds her hand about level with her forehead. “His blood ruined your shirt soI imagine you at least spoke?”

“Ah, so that was his name. We only exchanged a few briefwords. I’m afraid I reacted rather hastily.” The words are contrite but hisexpression isn’t. If anything he appears maliciously pleased with himself.

“Reacted to what?” Caroline presses.

“A strange wolf covered in my mate’s scent.”

Several audible gasps ring out from around the room, makingit clear this conversation is far from private.

They need to take this discussion elsewhere. Baring her bodywouldn’t faze her but this? This was no one’s business.

Caroline’s hands ball into tight fists, her nails digginginto her palms as she considers the ramifications of what her pack had justwitnessed. The gossip would spread quickly, every member of her pack who wasn’tin attendance will have heard the news she’d been mated within the hour. The usualdicks who are always gunning for her spot will be emboldened, will assume amate will make her weak.

They’re going to be sorely disappointed. Caroline’s notabout to let go of everything she’s achieved, all that she’s built, without onehell of a fight.

Klaus had known Caroline Forbes was lovely – the companyshe’d inherited was publically traded, and so a quick search had yielded dozensof images. He’d studied them all. She’d been cool and calculating in a navybusiness suit at a shareholder’s meeting, her pale blonde hair ruthlesslypinned back. She wore evening wear just as well, elegant gowns and fine jewels,always smooth and serene as she attended charity galas and awards banquets.He’d particularly liked the photo of her outdoors at a Forbes Inc. sponsored animaladoption drive. She’d been laughing with a pile of Shepard mutts in her lap,her curls loose and blowing at the wind, softer and joyous and all the moreappealing.

At that point he’d begin to idly consider bedding her as ameans to soften her up. Every report said that she was smart, calculating andruthless. All traits Klaus admired. It wouldn’t be a hardship to use lust toattempt to sway her to his side.

He suspected that he’d rather enjoy mixing business withpleasure.

He intended to claim a piece of territory for the pack he’dbeen building.  A piece that bordered andpossibly overlapped land that the Forbes pack had always considered theirs. Andwhile Klaus had no real qualms about taking what he wanted with fear andbloodshed (a method that had worked exceedingly well for him over the lastmillennium) it had been pointed out that diplomacy might occasionally serve hisinterests better. His efforts to force triggered wolves to be hybrids hadyielded unfavorable results. A wolf infected with vampirism against their willwas difficult to control.

Besides, if he continued to have to kill the hybrids thatrefused to fall in line eventually Klaus might very well run out of werewolvesaltogether.

Without werewolves there could be no hybrids. And Klaus hadcome to be rather fond of his hybrids.

Caroline Forbes will make a magnificent one.

She’d looked a bit tired when he’d first spotted her, thoughthat had quickly melted away once she’d sensed a threat. She’d grown reactiveand watchful until the moment she’d caught his scent and had been sent reeling.He’d watched the play of emotions across her face with fascination, had beenimpressed by her ability to control herself. She’d managed to claw back an admirable amount of poise.

Watching her Klaus had decided he’d make a project of unravellingher impressive control. And he’d make certain she enjoyed it enough to beg fora repeat performance.

After he’d uttered the word ‘mate’ her posture had closedoff. She’d stalked out the way she’d come, making no motion for Klaus tofollow.

He had, of course. They had quite a lot to discuss. Carolinehadn’t appeared surprised when he’d shadowed her into the elevator and Klaustook that as a sign that he was welcome. He’d watched as she’d yanked her phoneout of her bag. A few taps and she’d lifted it to her ear, “Tell everyone toclear out. Now,” she instructs, her tone icy and offering no room forquestions. The phone is stowed in jerky motions and she smooths out her dressas she faces the front of the elevator, keeping a careful distance betweenthem. He detects no additional warmth when she speaks to him and she doesn’tlook at him. “We use three floors of this building. We’re heading to the 42nd.Everyone will be gone and we can talk over who you are and what you want.”

“Yes, it was rather rude of me to show up without anappointment, wasn’t it? But you’ve so determinedly been dodging my attempts toset up a meeting.”

Klaus watches with great interest as her spine stiffens. Shecrosses her arms, “Ah. So you’re Klaus.”

“Does my reputation precede me?”

Her eyes close briefly and he watches her fist ball sotightly he wonders if her nails are drawing blood, “It’s kind of hard for itnot to, don’t you think? It’s so very colorful.Were you planning on killing me?”

“I had considered it,” Klaus admits. “That’s off the tablenow, of course. I was rather leaning towards seduction if that eases yourmind.”

“Immensely,” she spits out venomously, just as the elevatordoors slide open.

She stalks out, attempting to leave him in her dust. Klausdoesn’t bother to hide his pleased grin as he watches the angry sway of herhips. He’d never given much thought to what his mate would be like but heshould have known she’d have a temper that was something to marvel at.

Honestly, Klaus had always thought him finding a mate wasexceedingly unlikely given how long he’d been alive.

Caroline Forbes is a surprise, a disruption in his plans. He’snever dealt well with those before but this instance is an exception.

He’s not even bothered by the knowledge that this will unlikelybe the last wrinkle in his plans she’s responsible for.  If anything he eagerly anticipates the clashesthey’ll surely have.

He’d just met her but he sensed that Caroline was a worthyopponent. Any mate of his would have to be.

She’s being unforgivably rude. Both of her southerngrandmothers would have fits if they saw the way Caroline was acting. Herparents would be entirely disapproving – they’d drilled the rules of diplomacytheir kind abided by into her head since birth. William and Elizabeth Forbeshad prepared her to lead even when their peers had scoffed at the idea of awoman heading up a pack as old as theirs. If Caroline had treated any othervisiting Alpha the way she was treating Klaus Mikaelson right now she’d have awar on her hands.

She tells herself there are serious extenuatingcircumstances but it’s a weak defense. She needs to do better. Caroline keeps moving,avoids looking at him, maintaining as much distance between their bodies as shepossibly can. Her avoidance wouldn’t be noticeable to most but Klaus’ indulgentexpression tells Caroline he knows exactly what she’s doing and why. He’spersistent in closing the gap though he’s smooth about it. He doesn’t push too far into her bubble but he’sundeniably there.

Unsettling her.

She leads him into a conference room, a place where shealways feels in control. Caroline can only hope that it gives her a boostbecause she’s feeling so far off her game. Her nerves are screaming at her, herthoughts a jumbled mess of cautions and demands and admonishments. She’d knownthat putting Klaus Mikaelson off was a gamble, had hoped to just buy a littletime to figure out a way to bargain with him.

She’s got lists on her phone. Things she can offer him. She’dthought it a simple matter of enticement, thought that she merely had to findsomething he would want.

The problem with that was there weren’t too many things a1000 year old hybrid with money to burn and very few boundaries about peskythings like rights of ownership didn’t already have.

She’d had no illusions about how hopelessly outmatched herpack was if Klaus wanted to take them out or worse, collect them for his hybridarmy. Caroline had been running herself ragged trying to think of a solution,some deal she could strike.

She hadn’t expected him to just show up and she certainlyhadn’t expected that he’d be her freaking mate.

Caroline circles the table, sinks into the leather chairthat sits at the head. Klaus wanders over to the windows. “It’s quite a view,”he remarks admiringly.

She holds in a snort. “Really? We’re doing small talk now?”

“Would you have preferred I offer an apology for yourboyfriend’s untimely death?”

He turns to look at her, his eyes far too blue and far toointent. Caroline folds her hands to stop them from visibly trembling. She’strying so hard but she can’t stop wanting to touch him.

“That depends. Are you actually sorry?”

His shrug is casual and he takes a careful step forward,gauging her reaction. “I’m rarely sorry, truth be told.”

“Yeah, I figured. That sounds right in line with yourreputation.”

“You don’t seem particularly broken up,” Klaus notes. “AboutTyler. Not a love match, then?”

Caroline considers her answer carefully. She knew how oldKlaus was, had heard stories of his cunning. She has no doubt he’ll spot anylie she tries to tell and hold it against her. If she’s going to protect herpack she needs to earn a little trust. “I loved Tyler when I was in highschool. Before pack politics mattered. When my father died… things got messy.Richard Lockwood wanted to be alpha, couldn’t wrap his head around the ideathat little ‘ol me was capable. He challenged me. I won.”

“Did you kill him?”

“No. Nor did I kill him the second time he tried. I probablywould have, had he tried again, but Mr. Lockwood had a heart attack and keeledover in his mistress’s apartment before that became necessary. Tyler tried achallenge of his own the next full moon. Wanted to make daddy proud.”

“Unsuccessfully, I imagine?”

“He did better than his dad ever did but he relied too muchon brute strength, not enough on brains. Typical man.”

Klaus’ lips curl in amusement even as his eyes flare yellow,“And yet, this morning, your scent was all over him.”

Caroline meets his eyes defiantly, “Yeah, he’s kind of acuddler. Or was, I guess. And if you start some chest beating alpha male crap Iwill do my very best to throw you out that window.”

“Wouldn’t kill me,” Klaus notes casually. Caroline imaginedhe was pretty used to threats against his person.

“I don’t want to kill you. If I kill you I turn into araving lunatic, remember? I like my brain as it is, thanks.”

“I’m beginning to think I like your brain too, love.”

Caroline refuses to be charmed even if he seems like hemeans it. If he’s adept at spotting lies he must be equally capable of tellingthem. She narrows her eyes and straightens her posture. “I’m not going toapologize for any of the sex I’ve had. It kind of comes with the whole werewolfthing, certain itches just don’t go away. My position in the pack means myoptions are limited. I didn’t love Tyler. We haven’t even been friends for avery long time. But he could pretty reliably get the job done and didn’t getclingy.”

“You didn’t hold his attempt to usurp you against him?”

“I had gotten over it. I get that grief can mess a personup. I’ve been hearing whispers that he’d been gearing up for another shotthough so you might have done me a favor.”

Klaus raises an eyebrow, “And yet you still invited him intoyour bed?”

“How much closer can an enemy get?” Caroline asks sweetly.

He smiles, a gleam of something like admiration in his eyes.“I see. And I’m happy to have help.”

He’s drawn closer throughout the conversation and Carolinebites back a gasp as he sidesteps her chair, placing himself behind her. A handrests on her shoulder when she would have turned, lightly, he’s not holding herdown. Klaus ducks low to whisper, “Easy. I won’t hurt you, Caroline.”

Caroline’s body eases and she curses her heritage becausesurely her long line of werewolf ancestors was the only reason she believedhim. Mates were rare, miraculous, she’d always been taught. A gift to becherished if you were lucky enough to find it.

With him touching her she almost believes that.

“Why wouldn’t you meet with me?” he asks, thumb idlystroking the top of her spine. “I was most cordial in my inquiries.”

Caroline would roll her eyes if she wasn’t so intent on notleaning further into his hands. “I had a pretty good idea of what you wanted.”

“Did you?”

“Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas,” she recites. A briefpause of his hands is the only indication she might have surprised him. Heresumes his gentle exploration and she continues, giving in to the urge to rollher head forward and bare more of her skin. “Hayley Marshall is a snake and wasonly too happy to come and whisper in my ear. I doubled the money you gaveher.”

“Funny, I thought a Queen would be above such petty backdealing,” Klaus mutters. Caroline barely hears him because he’s begun to unpinher hair, his fingers carefully unraveling her curls until they brush hershoulders.

She should stophim.

She doesn’t.

Caroline clears her throat, wills her voice not to shake,“Hayley’s pack is… odd. But they don’t bother us so we let them have their tinypiece of land, their silly titles, because she’s occasionally useful.”

“Tell me, does she expect you to bow, curtsey?”

“I’d rip her throat out if she did.”

He makes a small noise, rich with mirth and somehow fond. “Ioffered her the opportunity to be a hybrid.”

“Offered?” Caroline echoes incredulously. “Is that what you’re calling it? Becauseforced was the term I’ve heard used most often.”

Klaus doesn’t seem offended and his reply is even. “I’mtrying something a bit different. Call it a new leaf. Hayley declined my offer.Seemed rather repulsed by the idea of becoming a half-breed.”

Well, that was tactless. Caroline couldn’t say she wassurprised, however. “Werewolves have hated vampires since the birth of yourspecies. That’s not something that can be easily set aside.”

“So if I were to offer your pack the same choice?” Klausasks and Caroline’s not fooled by the casualness of the query. There’s a lot ofweight in such a small question.

The connection between them had been instantaneous, a sharpnew awareness. It hummed in the back of her mind and his fingers brushed herskin were making her feel warm and lit up from within. She feels attuned to hismovements even though her eyes are closed, the thread between them thickening. Ifhe hadn’t taken the initiative to touch her she’d have snapped and asked himto. His idle caresses are soothing her nerves and Caroline’s never one to beeasily calmed. That more than anything convinces her that she’s stuck with him.If this wasn’t real why else would she feel so safe in a monster’s hands?

If she’s stuck with him, he’s just as stuck with her.  If she dies he goes insane be it tomorrow orin sixty or seventy years at the end of her natural life.

Caroline doesn’t even want to think about what that would look like.

“In my pack I doubt you’d find many willing. We’ve held ourterritory for generations and vampires have never been welcome.”

“I’m aware.”

“Killing Tyler will endear you to a few, make you an enemyof others. Though I’m sure a few more of those won’t make much difference toyou. No one will look kindly on the fact that you showed up and got immediatelymurder-y.”

Klaus nods, accepting. “And you? Could you be convinced?”

That’s the big question. Her knee jerk reaction should be afirm, ‘Hell, no’ but Caroline finds that’s not the case.

She suspects she couldbe convinced.

She pushes her chair back, rises so they’re face to face. Shesquares her shoulders and lifts her chin. Her next words will change her lifeirrevocably but she’s not afraid.  Caroline’sno stranger to deals, excels at negotiations. She might never have attemptedanything with stakes this high but she still plans on coming out ahead. “If you mean what you say, that you don’tintend to force my pack to turn into hybrids, then maybe. I need you to show methat I can trust you.”

Klaus takes her hand, tugs it up to his lips, eyes gleamingwith heat and triumph. He brushes a kiss across the inside of her wrist and theshiver that wracks her frame is impossible to hide. It had only been a tinyhint of a kiss but it felt like a promise. “For you, Caroline for what we couldbe, I’ll do my very best.”

That will have to be good enough.

[annesofieravnsbaekgeertsen]

Midcrit;

FINDING EMPATHY  ///// THE SEARCH FOR EMPHATY /// RECALLING EMPATHY // EMPATHY

Introduction

As I found myself in the middle of Germany on our study trip to Bad Meinberg I saw a little city desperately wanting change. I saw old people sweep up leafs falling to the ground, even though it was an endless task; almost as waiting for the tree to die, as they where waiting for something to happen. I saw hope in their eyes when we taped up the buildings and suggested new plans for the city. We became superheroes in a waiting city. I saw a lady giving a sunflower to the bookstore; spreading happiness for the owner and to me. I got cheap ice cream and holy water that made me imagine Bad Meinberg in the future. Mostly because I was triggered by the feeling of empathy that was streaming through the people I met and by the experience of sleeping as a refugee. I literally wrote this to my boyfriend back home; Im now laying in my fieldbed which are normally used in refugeecamps, in surroundings build to it as well. Luckily i dont have the mindset of one, because i am very priviliged to be so gifted in my life. Sometime its a limit towards to dare to go out of the comfort, and it needs courage. Now its not a big deal, but i really imagine to be here, as someone who just left everything they know and are in the complete unknown searching for a better life. How unfair it is that i have so much and the one laying in this bed before me, so little. Oh i want to balance the whole world, so deeply!

I was triggered by the Externsteine that was the center of the world. (as our guide said when we where there) I was triggered by all these different layers, and it made me imagine Bad Meinberg as the hope in the future. A future I have digged into understand by researching big-thinkers, science-fiction, our technology, Liam Young, Jean Baudrillard, Bruno Latour, and the sustainable future. What we all see differently, and how this city can become a start to another world as I imagine.

Scenario

The reality has merged into our minds and our minds has merged into a digital manifestation of our thoughts. We are no longer prisoners of the physical world but creators of our imagination. We all have a digital layer to our surroundings incorporated in our eyes and skin; you turn the sun up and down as you want it, when you want; the time is your decision; you make everything red as your are in a war with your digital friends or enemies. You go from Antarctica to the Jungle in less than a second. You make your voice deeper and yourself taller or smaller as it fits to the purpose of the game you live in.

The city is Everywhere; there is no city anymore, no country, no center, no periphery but there is just a continues city of technologies stretched across the planet, a continuous story that you create in your own digital cloud. I am going to talk about a dark side of the technology; the instinct of empathy sacrificed in the evolution of mixed realities. A physical reality as a scaffold to the digital reality. I am going to present a new map of experiences that search to find the empathy in the humans again. The empathy that is deep inside every beating heart, but in the light of technologies got lost to the individualization of their own worlds. The exact world described above, a world with no need for each other; because the world is yours and you can do whatever you want with it.

I want to question and exemplify what the future of mixed realities has lost. I am focusing on empathy because I believe empathy is the key human instinct for survival and for a sustainable future. I believe that because if the fundament to every decision is based upon a feeling of encountering as much as possible as goodhearted as possible. It is in the small scale - when you smile to someone on the street or give a compliment to a stranger - the motivation that is given further because you give and look out of yourself. And it is in the big scale - if you can feel the hunger of a dying african child that it will make you use and think your life differently. Most I believe that an awareness and discussion of what empathy is, will start a dialogue between us and the others, between me and you. And further more a discussion of how the architect and the education plays a role within this future technology.

And as you wander around in your world of pixels and resolution you cross upon Bad Meinberg. The city looks how you want it to; its a scaffold for your digital reality. What we see without is a grey abandoned city with people wandering around without seeing anyone else but themselves. You have decided to try this Empathy, because you are curious as you have already discovered the whole world, eating all the food from the different cultures that doesn’t exist anymore, talked with animals, jumped from mountains, flying over the naked ocean that you made purple. You have occupied the stories that you want to and you are still searching for more.

Here there is no choice, once you are in you have to go through. This is a programmed story.

There is 5 spots.

You start, where you want, there is no beginning, but there is an end.

* 1

You are everywhere; there is nowhere to look where you see anything but yourself. Reflected infinitely in mirrors that moves around you. You realize you are stocked with yourself. You try to escape but discover that you are in an endless maze of yourself. You close your eyes to escape and when you open them again you discover yourself as someone else. Suddenly all the reflections of yourself turned into a reflection of all the people you have ever encountered. They move with you. You keep walking, and as you try to touch each mirror you suddenly feel them. You are them. You are overwhelmed and confused. The moment you find yourself comfortable and accepting that you are all, the maze fades away and you are back in Bad Meinberg continuing Empathy.

*  2

You see nothing. Everything is black. As if you have closed your eyes. Slowly you hear someone talking in a distance. You try to move towards it and asks where you are but you realize it makes no difference. She is just talking and not reacting to you. You start to stop up and just listening. Now you realize that she is sad. Her voice is low and cracking as if there was tears falling out of her eyes. Why is she sad you ask yourself. And you ask her but she doesn’t respond. She keeps talking about nothing. You want to connect with her, you want her to answer you, you want clarification, but you get nothing back. Just the sound of her sadness in your black world. Then you hear someone else talking. It’s a mans voice talking about his loss of a girlfriend. Then you hear a woman talking about her need for food. Then you hear a child screaming because something hurts. Then you hear all of them at once and you are powerless, you can do nothing but listen. Just listen, listen.        And when you let yourself only be in the situation and let go of yourself then you suddenly see them all. This are the reflections you may encounter

in several spaces of Empathy in Bad Meinberg. As the stories gets visual you understand a deeper layer to their appearance. Now you understand why he doesn’t smile and you understand why she always says she’s fine even though she has tears in her eyes.

* 3

You encounter a big table with all your favorite food or desires. You start eating and look around through all the different colors and beauty of nature as the room get divided in two and a dystopian context shows in front of you. There you are; bones covered by a thin layer of skin. You have not eaten. You look sad. You start to look at the food you are just eating, feeling suddenly sick. As you don’t understand your reality you go closer to the other version of the reality and suddenly you step into that world. You feel the pain of hunger as you look at your self eating in paradise. You feel the struggle of survival, that every beat could be your last, while you know that you just sat in a world with plenty supplies. You go back to the table with the food. Here you feel better physically, but you are imprinted by the feeling of hunger, the feeling of having nothing while you can see a world that has everything. It is you; you are in one of these worlds.

*4

I have chosen these 5 because in my research of empathy, i found the importance of first realizing yourself as someone else - and the understanding directly that you are just one little piece of this.

The other was an importance towards listening and understanding a world without seeing but inly looking.

The third is to force contrast in its most direct way to understand the extreme conditions. Because the more perspectives you get, the more you can relate to.

The fourth is to understand a life sitation, that is not yours. You are suddenly something else - like acting but then with physical stimulations - you are the story. It becomes yours. In the story it occurs that you have to teach someone something. It is because in the proces of learning from yourself, you hav etc put yourself into someone else mind in order to make sure they understand.  

The fifth is where you realize that looking is not an action. The look is pain, the look is creating death. You are forced to act.

The end

You have now passed the 5 levels. The world in front of you changes, like pixels overlapping, flittering as multiply stars shining and you now have found your Empathy again. You see the people differently, you see yourself differently, the world suddenly has more colors and you realize that you can color it. Not only YOUR world but all the others, because you are here with all the others who passed the levels, and you go out and tell all the people that they should do Empathy. And as you all have the same ground basis of Empathy, a new world starts.

Comments to myself:

Graphics is definitely not there.

The story is also not there

Should I go another direction?

Main interest: the imaginary world we all occupy somehow. How it is going to be merge into our reality - or it IS our reality as Jean Baudrillard says. (simulation, hyperreality)

We are formed with whatever and the technology with challenge us as Architects; how do we suddenly design when there is no gravity anymore, when there is no limits? That is what I am exploring.

[lilietsblog]

tag meme

tagged by @kerowyn-ankh​ man you keep tagging me in these wonderful things and I keep leaving them open in a tab to do later and then just. not doing that. im so sorry. i love them. please do this forever

Name: Hanna! or Anna. If you call me Ganna you'll be technically correct but I might just cry. LILIET FOR Y'ALL MY NAME IS LILIET

Nicknames: eeeh I'm assuming you are not trying to refer to my memories of being bullied from kindergarten to middle school nor asking about all the vast landscape of RP characters I've made on RP forums where your character's name had to be your nickname... so, um, Liliet. Or if you're asking for pet names / diminutives for my actual real life name, Anya, Anyuta... basically anything that Russian allows except Nyusha and Nyura I will fucking deck you for that

Zodiac sign: Equius what do you mean that is not a zodiac sign

Height: 156 cm

Orientation: aro ace last I checked

Nationality: Ukrainian

Favorite fruit: THIS IS LIKE ASKING WHICH OF MY PARENTS I LOVE MORE. I'll go with "tomato" just to underscore the feeling of being utterly lost that I experience looking at this question.

Favorite season: UHHHHHH. I HAVE TROUBLE PLAYING FAVORITES OKAY. I'll go with "summer" I guess bc WALKING BAREFOOT ON THE GRASS. And hiking. And swimming. And horrible, horrible stuffy heat you cannot escape from okay look I have trouble playing favorites okay

Favorite book: AAAA. HOW. ALL OF THEM. You know what I'll go with "Demon's Dance" by Zimina bc while she has very tenuous grasp of spelling, punctuation and grammar of the language she writes in her books have brought me hours of joy. It's trash. It's my favorite trash.

Favorite flower: uhhh roses. They are pretty. There's a reason they are a popular choice. SO MANY COLORS

Favorite scent: outdoors without exhaust fumes. I AM A BIG CITY CHILD. I literally don't give a fuck what it smells like give me cow manure and rotting swamp JUST AS LONG AS IT'S NOT EXHAUST OR CIGARETTE SMOKE.

Favorite color: fuuuuuuu this is REALLY HARD OKAY. I DO NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST COLORS. Maybe pink but like so many different shades of pink it's not even the same color so I guess I'm cheating by picking pink? Whatever.

Favorite animal: rats, cats, foxes, dogs, ravens, dolphins, rabbits, horses yes I did in fact give up thank you for noticing.

Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: Tea, because it's much easier to make tasty than cocoa, doesn't cause headaches like coffee (COFFEE I LOVE YOU WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME) and has SO MANY VARIATIONS. I love all of them. Except the gross ones. Which ones taste gross to me varies day by day but thankfully tea is VAST AND DIVERSE.

Average sleep hours: hmmm if I say I go to sleep at 11 pm and get up at 7:30 that gives me 8:30. Sounds about right. Except for when I go to sleep at 2 am :>

Cat or dog person: I am a rat person. I love rats. I want to get a rat as soon as we move to our new house. I also love cats and am a cat person and have dreamed of having a cat for years and now my cuddlebug cat is my greatest joy. I love every single dog I've ever interacted with and we are going to get a dog and I'm so happy and I'm a dog person. I DO NOT DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN WONDERFUL AND JOYOUS PETS OKAY

Favorite fictional character: urgh. You are not making it easy on me. Basically I have several Types that I love every single one of: 1) nerdy stoic/emotionless bookish smart girl not good with people, aka me. Twilight Sparkle, Ayanami Rei (yes I group them together here bc I love them in the same way), Hermione Granger, the list goes on. You know them when you see them; 2) a kid who's been doing horrible things because of parental issues and struggles with the concept of empathy and being a good person bc they weren't really taught how. Vriska Serket, Marvel's Loki, I KNOW THEY ARE ALL TERRIBLE THAT'S THE SELECTION CRITERION BUT THEY ARE MY CHILDREN AND I WILL PROTECT AND GUIDE THEM TILL THE END OF MY DAYS; 3) a dark-haired (preferably LONG haired) stoic/emotionless pretty guy who's Been Through Shit and as a result acts offstandish to everyone but really just Suffers. Often overlaps with 2), like Marvel's Loki. Popular examples include Uchiha Sasuke. The fucking trashiest examples I get angry at myself for even acknowledging include Kylo Ren. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

Apart from that, I also love TRAITS in characters that make them my absolute faves: - hypercompetence. Does not necessarily mean "can do anything they need to" but "has a very good idea of their own ability and can tell how hard a challenge will be realistically ahead of time". That's literally all I ask for how hard is it to provide writers (I am an anxious baby okay this is Important For My Mental Health) - hyperempathy. Gimme Heart of Gold who will sympathize with and forgive literally the person who is currently trying to kill them. Gimme someone who is legitimately tortured over not being able to help everyone at the same time and is running themselves to death forgetting self-care. GIMME - trickster traits. Like yeah I fucking hate pranks and the kind of joke where you're supposed to know the other person is not speaking seriously but tricksters - strategists, pranksters, shapeshifters, teleporters - are still delightful and wonderful and REALLY FUN. OH LOOK THIS IS ALSO LOKI FUCK THAT GUY FOR HOW MUCH OF MY HEADSPACE HE TAKES UP. wait not even a guy all the time Loki's genderfluid PRONOUNS ARE HARD - a politician who is selflessly working for the good of people. I WISH I WAS JOKING BUT I AM NOT. I have SUCH a hard-on for political fantasy and GO WATCH LOG HORIZON IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. This is one of my most favorite things in the book world

actually now that I've remembered Log Horizon I would like to nominate Shiroe as my Absolute Fucking Fave bc while tumblr provides very little content re: him and I cannot flourish in a fandom without other people, he is like the dense concentration of all my favorite things in one character. I can't even say that it's a flaw that he's a guy bc a certain flavor of selflessness and caring is much more fun in a guy bc girls are already socially expected to be like that and Fuck That Noise. I love him the way he is I love EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM /goes off to cry also he's aro ace fight me

Number of blankets you sleep with: one, but a REALLY BIG AND HEAVY one. I don't care how hot it is I will wrap myself around the blanket instead of the blanket around myself I NEED IT

Dream trip: hmm. This is actually an interesting question because I've never thought of it that way. I'd like to go everywhere possible but logistics of travel are hard and frustrating and I like hiking and grrrhh. I dunno. I want to be able to fly

Blog created: 4/13 2014, around midnight. I WILL NEVER FORGET

[drblackgaard]

Characters to Whom I Relate

(tagged by @echoofmidnight over a year ago to do this, finally doing it, now with 100% less ending prepositions in the title)

In which Devon probably definitely massively overshares about his problems

unlike the original I’ll actually add a brief(?) explanation and not just their name and photo. one might also notice some overlap between this list and character’s I’ve cosplayed, for obvious reasons.

im tagging @messed-up-polkadots @moss-effect @duchashka @writingpikachu @tanosoka

Ryugazaki Rei (Free! Iwatobi Swim Club)

This will probably be the only long one? When I was first tagged in this post, Rei was probably the first character that came to my mind. I love all my Free boys so dearly, but Rei is my least favourite out of the Iwatobi boys, which makes it interesting that he tops this list so definitively. (This list contains lots of characters considered the “smart one” (roughly 10/13 on the list, arguably). That is not the primary reason that I picked any of them, just for reference.) When I first watched Season 1 of Free!, I was at the very beginning of my first year away from home (2nd year of post-secondary). Like Victoria and I literally started watching the show while my family was dropping me off in Vancouver. My social situation/mental health situation was really not great in high school, especially not as a combination. I felt like Rei’s struggles of s1 captured my experience bizarrely well. Not the learning to swim, but Rei was faced with this social situation where he awkwardly entered into a pre-formed social circle where he was the only one without this shared history. As time goes on, he increasingly realizes that he’s the outsider, not just in skill, but in years and years of shared experiences, and as everyone talks about their issues concerning Rin, Rei’s increasingly confronted with the fact that he doesn’t belong in this circle of friends like any of the others do. He’s an outsider looking in, always 4 steps behind what’s going on, and no one’s ever bothered to fill him in on the things that have happened. When the finale rolls around, and Rin has the chance to swim the relay with Rei’s team; the team that he’s trained with and built up all this work for, Rei makes the huge sacrifice play and sits this incredible moment out, isolating himself so that his friends can hang out with their other friend and he can watch from the sideline. This whole situation was very much like my social situation in late high school, but more depressing in general, more acquaintancey than in Free, but the finale really got to me, and I could immediately think of so many times that I’d bit the bullet and had to sit out on participating or make sacrifices that really hurt to help people spend their time with their Rin’s instead of with me, because I know that they’d much rather do that than be around me. Rei’s story was really emotional for me in s1, and I probably resented it to a degree for that, but it was nothing if not relatable. Also, Rei’s real gay. Ok, now for shorter things(?)

Nanase Haruka (Free! Iwatobi Swim Club)

There’s definitely something to be said that Haru is half of my all-time main OTP and Makoto is my #1 fictional husband and the whole thing where your ships say a lot about what you relate to/are looking for in relationships and what a big part Free! was of me coming to terms with being gay and all of this is extremely highly interconnected. The main point I want to make on this one, though, is Haru’s relationship with his talent. The very first episode opens with a monologue about how Haru wishes that people would stop putting him on a pedestal. He’s the only sports anime protagonist I’ve seen who despises competing in the sport the show’s about. [continuous grumbling about the s2 finale and haru’s arc’s ending but hey tokyo makoharu is enough for me to be happy with]. Haru is exceedingly talented at swimming, yes, but he doesn’t want to do it for a living; doesn’t want it to be about the numbers and the competition. Obviously this was much more a thing in s2. Haru’s very talented in so many other areas: all forms of art, cooking, he’s consistently in the first class of his grade throughout middle and high school. It’s clear to me in s2 that he just wants people to remember that he actually has other talents, so many other career options besides professional swimming, which is why he gets so upset when even Makoto of all people broaches swimming first as what he should be looking at for the future. I am very smart, plainly put. I hate embellishing my gifts but the point is that I’ve always been put on a pedestal for being years beyond my age in academic and emotional intelligence. After a point, you really wish that people would remember that you have any other skills or talents whatsoever. I knew that I didn’t want to build my identity on my brains, and tried to push so hard to get people to recognize more parts of who I am, but it’s still usually overshadowed by my brain. Being a Christian in a close Christian community social-wise, I’m very frequently in situations of mutual encouragement, compliments, and such, and every time that someone identifies my smarts as my peak characteristic, I die just a little bit inside. Once at a youth leader’s retreat with some of the closest friends I had (very relatively speaking), we were given someone else’s name and had to pick a single word to describe that person. I was expecting something intellectual as always, and received the word “loyalty” as a singular concept I represented to her, and I think it might still be the most lasting compliment that’s stuck in my head, now 6-ish years later. That one was also really long, but it dovetails nicely into the next one. Oh, and Haru’s also very gay, and in love with Tachibana Makoto. Very relatable.

Eugene Meltsner (Adventures in Odyssey)

Obviously I really like Adventure in Odyssey. It’s my #1 fandom, Victoria and I run a relatively popular fan podcast for it, and we just listen to it a whole lot. When people ask who my favourite AIO character is, which happens frequently, they usually assume Eugene, because he’s smart and I’m smart [which is annoying to me, re: above]. They are actually correct about the character, but wrong about the reason. The reasons Eugene’s my fave are actually mostly unrelated to why he’s included here, but the above point does connect well to Haru’s spiel. Likewise, that spiel connects well with Eugene’s insecurity regarding his mind. I said above that I try hard not to build my identity on my intellect, but obviously there are times that that effort has failed me. Coming to UBC was a big part of that. In my teeny hometown, I stood out greatly in high school. I graduated with about a 97% average, 2nd highest in my grad class, bilingual diploma, and almost double the minimum credits I needed because of all my extra-curriculars. I was fluent in 2 languages and excelled at 2 instruments. My last math teacher said I was tied for the smartest student he’d ever taught. First year of college was at home, did alright, then I came to UBC. For reference, the university has about 8 times more undergrads than the population of my hometown. I quickly realized that I was not the smart one anymore, just another one of the crowd. I made friends with people whose intelligence casually dwarfed my own by orders of magnitude. I didn’t have an existential crisis or anything, since I’d already tried to proactively guard myself against that kind of false life foundation, but insecurities are always there to creep in. I often think of Eugene in Truth, Trivia, & ‘Trina. One of Eugene’s arcs in that episode (which was obviously in many others as well), was getting over his compulsive need to prove his worth through his intelligence, of understanding he had value without needing to info dump on everyone all the time. For Eugene, it obviously had deep rooting in his relationship with Leonard and the ways that was left unresolved for Eugene after his parents’ disappearance, but that’s another dissertation for another podcast episode. The point is, while I recognized this fact in theory, I’ve always had a lot of trouble internalizing it. I know my worth comes from who I am in God, not on my own talents, but that doesn’t stop me from compulsively seeking validation through my brains or my humour or literally anything else I can possibly do to receive affirmation from others. Also Eugene loves neologisms and beautiful, convoluted sentences and I can really get behind that.

Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

I finally watched this musical for the first time less than a week ago and yeah, I feel like I’ve probably covered most of the reasons that connect me to Evan Hansen. high school: I was extremely alone, very depressed, frequently suicidal, and, more often than not, constructing elaborate fictional scenarios in my head wherein I had deep, intimate friendships with the people around me. I didn’t take it as far as Evan, and also was gay for Connor in this analogy. They can’t all be perfectly relatable.

Adrian Hlaváček (Always Raining Here)

This is where the list becomes a lot more loose lists of character trains. Adrian is: A Hot Mess™, really real gay, had that one crush that messed him up for so long bc you always fall for the straight ones and hope against hope it will impossibly work out and it obviously doesn’t and then you end up like the picture below, loves to sing, all about that Musical Theatre Life, seems like the innocent and pure one but then it turns out Oh you actually have a lot of emotional baggage that’s messing up your relationships in all sorts of unexpected ways, smart, lives in Vancouver, etc.

Wirt (Over the Garden Wall)

Wirt is: Anxiety+, poetry and concert band, the biggest nerd??, long walks through the forest, the older brother who will do whatever it takes to help his lil sibling, really stubborn, maybe never, maybe he’ll never give this up.

Amy Santiago (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

Amy is: lover of reading, lover of Jake Peralta, cares so much about organization and protocol and actually enjoys filing and alphabetizing things, has a serious problem about putting people in leadership roles on pedestals where you just really want to be validated and mentored and spend time with them and maybe you just need to take a chill pill somethings and diversify your investment in people, super passionate about justice and doing the right thing

Jemma Simmons (Agents of SHIELD)

Jemma is: a biologist, really deeply truly fascinated by all sorts of sciency things and doesn’t really get when maybe that cadaver is a little morbid to others because LOOK it’s so cool! look at how that alien parasite burrowed into the brain like that why are you all turning green? what do you mean this isn’t a conversation for the dinner table?, would die for Peggy Carter also, mom friend, steadfast friend and a lot tougher than you realize until backed up against a wall, just such a huge nerd it’s incredible

Jake English (Homestuck)

Jake is: a dork, says the most outlandishly old-fashioned euphemisms completely unironically that no one else has said for 73 years, frequently has no emotional awareness as to his surroundings, just utterly oblivious at all times, very not straight, indiscriminate taste in most media

Ryan Haywood (Achievement Hunter)

Ryan is: (not actually a character but whatever), the “smart one” of the group but he actually basically never knows what he’s talking about and is usually just saying words vaguely related to the topic he knows and no one else realizes it, very doting friend, not here for any of your “wow look at that man and woman who are friends clearly they must be doing a romance there is literally no other option” nonsense, terrible diet, so much more of a nerd that he lets on 99% of the time, switches from really dark to really genuinely caring to really over-the-top at the drop of a hat, the theatre guy

Ben Wyatt (Parks and Recreation)

Ben is: Depressed+, really into so many different things, gets annoyed at people who act like mainstream fandom is anything other than mainstream culture at this point, it’s not a niche nerd thing anymore, sorry big bang theory, enormous romantic softie, puts a lot of thought into everything he does, likes terrible math puns, will correct your incorrect details about his fandoms. he wasn’t going to say anything, but actually it’ll bug him if he doesn’t. he’s not pretentious or a prick about it, he just cares a lot about a lot of things.

Marius Pontmercy (Les Misérables)

Marius is: literally me in our grade 12 production of Les Mis, and Lena you brought this curse upon me that I’m continually more and more like Marius how did you trap me like this? it’s awful. Marius is actually the Worst™ and here I am; my soul eternally bound to this fate. Marius is just the biggest mess in all of fiction, continually, every day of his life, and every post I read about his awful shenanigans in the book is too accurate to my life and I hate it. Ex: everything on this post

Carlos the Scientist (Welcome to Night Vale)

Carlos is the other one on this list I’ve cosplayed. To quote my sister when I told her I was doing it, “You ARE the gay handsome scientist man”. Carlos is quite literally me. A flamboyant brown scientist with impeccable hair who wears his lab coat far more than is professionally necessary and just really loves science a lot.

[atltheshow]

Okay

So, I have an Instagram by this same name that I use to vent to my friends, but it's gotten too close plus they know too many people. Imma keep it anonymous obviously just in case but here we go

This is really for me to just document my summer this year bc I'm literally strung out on caffeine and painkillers at all times

So a few things you need to know: I have a chronic connective tissue disorder which is the scary way of saying I have ligamental laxity. My joints don't stay together. As I type this my ankle is out. Anyone, I had a surgery 6/26/15, aka the day gay marriage was legalized in the US. Another important thing, I am bisexual with almost an even split. I stopped taking highschool classes after my sophomore year and have taken them at my local community college instead. This is because I'm big depressed and big anxious so I couldn't do school. I work at my CC as a math tutor for ever math below Calc I, including developmental. I want to be a orthopedic surgeon and am going for a duel bachelor's in petroleum and mine engineering as premed. I have an older and younger brother, both of which I adore but get on my nerves too much. My older brother went to an in state university for his freshman year, decided he wasn't ready for the move, and is coming to the same CC as me, as a year below me, his high school senior sister. My young brother just finished his first year in traditional high school, at a different high school than I went to. He's a competitive gymnast. My father works out of town and my mom stays at home. I cannot drive yet, but as of today I am eligible to get my license. I am largely into the robotics Program in our county, where I was second in command as of last season, was second lead of programming, safety assist, scouting assist and head fabrication. I truly love robotics. I also golf, and love watching it, yes I am upset about Woodland okay.

So here's where we introduce my few main groups of friends:

Robotics friends

School friends

SPS friends (my middle school friends)

Friends ;)

So some of these overlap, majority of those in it don't.

Robotics:

My absolute best friend, who we will call Syrup is was on my robotics team, she's a year older and aged out. We met my freshman year of highschool. She's amazing and I love he's so dearly.

Cross, literally the male version of me. He's dating Syrup. He was first in command of the team this year. Also aged out. Him and syrup broke up for a few months and it was weird for the friend group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I also love and adore him.

Heat is one of my oldest physically. She was a mentor on the team but me and my brother ended up getting really really close with her. She's super thoughtful and sincere. She's in school to be a clinical counselor.

Pooky is old as well. He's a redneck. He is also Hispanic. He mentors and I got really close to him after me and Cross basically annoyed him into going to dinner with us after a robotics meeting one summer. Now he's by far one of my favorite people. Also asked out heat when they were seniors in high school.

Dementia is the oldest physically. He was honestly a fluke. One of pookys friends that he asked to come by one day and we all ended up liking him. He was on the team and already knew Heat, Cross, and pooky. We convinced him to come to dinner with us the same day we convinced pooky. He's honestly the funniest person I know. He works as an engineer at the local forklift company.

Button-lives an hour and a half away but is going to college another 4 hours away. Met through my brother but then we became really good friends. I call him button bc he gave me one of his buttons from robotics and it was the nicest thing ever. He also stayed up with my during Ramadan at 5 in the morning when I couldn't sleep in pain. He knew I was hurting and he sacrificed what little sleep he could have for me and I am forever grateful and I don't think he realizes. One time he drove down to see me and it still makes my heart warm. He's someone I would have shot my shot a long time ago if we weren't an hour and a half away and drastically different religions.

Shea- named after his dog bc I know he'd love that. I know how weird it sounds but I'm in love. I would marry him tomorrow if he asked. He's predental at our towns uni, and honors. He was first in command of our team last year. He mentored scouting this year :).

Small robotics characters

jamin- was really close with him for two years, then he went to college and fratted, now works two hours away. I love him and miss him

Jew-not really Jewish. Very sweet. Very handsome. Very funny

Lampshade- little Bros best friend. Athletic and smart. Good child.

Weeny-had a crush on his, honestly super sweet and just a great personality. 12/10 pure.

Noodle- dated syrup then had a FWB thing with me. Broke it off after a dumb joke gone wrong. Still miss him tbh.

Eggroll- Shea's best friend. About to be a junior in college. Hits me up for nudes. Super energetic.

School friends

I have three. FOUR

Harvard- he earned the name. Smart and determined boy. I met him in middle school. Absolute softy and I love it. Super athletic. We have the type of friendship where we listen to each other super well but have no idea what's happening. He'll talk about baseball to me and I talk about robotics to him. Do either of us absorb it? No. Do we still listen? Yes.

Dorks- changed his last name a bit but it fits. Became bff's in art history. Sold him drugs once. Minnesotan. We're starting a podcast together. Literally super chill as a friend

Cow- sounds so mean to call her that but it's her favorite animal. She's special needs but I still don't know how. She's a real G. There through everything.

Jazz- tall lanky. Sweet. Plays jazz. I miss him. Was gonna go to prom with him then didn't. Oh well. Button helped me through that mess as well.

Sps

Confused- theater kid. That's all

Dragon- strange, doesn't like touch. Goes to Catholic hs

Draw-art who programs too. Goes to special math school 2 hours away. DM

I have a dnd campaign going with them so I probably couldve used their character names bc even if they found this blog they'd just be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Friends ;)

Boy oh boy. Most of these overlap tbh. Noodle boy, lampshade and Eggroll belong here

Callaway- never actually met in person. We talk about golf and send nudes. Ideal person tbh.

Neck- am a year older. Mentored his Lego robotics team. Asks for nudes daily. Occasionally gets them.

Step-was my old neighbor. Homeschooled until 7th grade. Very very large. Kinda scary tbh. Send occasionally, dislocated my ankle sucking his dick once

Titan- named after his truck, which I lost my virginity in. We have. An interesting relationship. Met him through a friend not mentioned. He hit on me, we talked, it wasn't gonna work as bf/gf but it would as fwb bc they're was mutual attraction on that end. The first time we met in person I gave him a handjob. December 2018 he told me he needed a break bc his mental health was failing, okay whatever. Comes back around March, do stuff quite often. The other day though, we just got done, and he told me he needed another break bc all he did was run to me for sex when he was sad. Totally cool but he also removed me from stuff so he wouldn't be tempted. Kinda sucks and im honestly a little hurt bc then the friendship is gone too but honestly it's probably for good. He will come back.

Anyway it's late and me and Harvard are both sad so gn, posts soon to come.