#we have an odd relationship and even though we've talked about it

[djarinova]

oh end of july 2024... how i miss u

[fishnapple]

How to love yourself better? A request letter from yourself. (Channelled message)

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost

Book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

1. White

Dear myself,

If I could light a fire right now, I could, just to see if that fire can compete with my light, our light. And yet I got a feeling that fire will burn brighter than us, just because it had someone to start it. But ours didn't. We stowed our fire away, our light, for fear of burning the eyes of the world? Or for fear of being engulfed in the sea of darkness outside?

Have you ever seen a solar eclipse? People gathered to watch it, a brief moment of the sun being eaten. A brief moment. Imagine how the world would be if that brief moment turned into a very long moment, an eternal one? Panic, fear, despair. We have prolonged our solar eclipse for far too long, let the Sun has its shine. Does it sound arrogant when I talk of us as the Sun? No, you should get used to it. To be the light, the be seen. Even when the Sun seems like a solitary existence on the sky, it's not, so are we.

I wanted to tell you many beautiful words, give you praises and a pat on the head. Sounds embarrassing, right? We should learn to do that more often. And then practice it with other people too, we all need it sometimes, a lot of times.

Do you know what will happen when we turn the anger on ourselves? Somehow, it will ricochet inside us and finally shoot out at other people. It's painful, for us and for them. Let's hold it in our hands, watch it breathe and stroke it gently, find where does it hurt and tend to it, then poof- it's gone. You catch anger not by throwing it around and putting it in a cage but let it heal and fly away on its own.

I'm sure that sometimes you will find yourself drowning in life, in other people's water. Losing yourself could be your worst nightmare. But you will never lose me. It's odd how we're surrounded by people but feel like we are alone in our struggle. Where did all the people go? Are they also drowning like us? In a different sea? I hope that all the seas are connected to each other so we can all find others to swim with us.

Till the next sun rise, yourself.

2. Pink

Oh, how I want to just throw away everything and run barefoot on the sand. To lie face up, watching the clouds passing by for hours. To paint the wall bright pink and yellow (this combination might hurt your eyes if you stare too long, though). But we're not a kid anymore, or so people have told us, much like how we've told ourselves, convinced ourselves to behave.

It's fascinating to watch the process of our resistance to what is taught to us. Why do we resist it so much? It feels like being gravely offended. We have our principles, and now we have to listen to others telling us what is right? What is wrong? Let me tell you, in a small whisper, it's actually nice to listen. Just listening, not obeying. It will feel like swallowing a rock. Maybe we could learn from the chickens a little, metaphorically. They swallow small rocks to aid in healthy digestion. So let's swallow some of the hard lessons.

You always like to think in concrete fashion. You try to touch your thoughts with your own hands and knead them, mould them into whatever you want. And when you're dropped into a relationship with someone, you find yourself lost that ability. It's all a jumble mess. You find your hands reaching out, grasping for something. How about the other person? Are you afraid that you will lose yourself if you hold on to them? It's fine, you won't. It's just an outdated belief that you've held on for far too long.

As we were talking about swallowing, you may want to watch what you're swallowing into your stomach, literally. Watch what you eat! Don't make yourself, ourselves suffer by bringing unhealthy things into our body. We may want to live long, you know.

Hey, if you find a dance class is too embarrassing, how about we turn off the light and dance with each other in the middle of the night. Nobody will know, but we will feel good (I'm not trying to be a flirt with myself here)

Your best friend, love.

3. Red

Make me a cup of tea, please.

Let's have a chat, just us, lying around lazily, sipping our favourite tea, imagining some weird scenarios to entertain us, playing some puzzle.

I don't have much to tell you because we talk to each other every day and I know you always try to be better for us. I love you and I'm proud of you. Let's be vain and give ourselves applause every day. Make it a pinky promise.

A reminder when you're feeling sluggish and slow, we are going to exactly where we need to be. You are guided and protected.

Keep on shining and be the little kid that runs around in the rain.

I love it when you're running wild, letting yourself, me, free, splashing colours everywhere. I just want to grab other people's hands and drag them to the dance. I love it when you're laughing, loudly, even better when you jolted others around you, oh, their surprised look, priceless.

Just be sure to take care of your body. Don't over tasking them. Work hard, play hard, but rest hard also.

Have you been thinking about going on a trip somewhere? No? Then, allow me to make a gentle request. Let me put the idea in your head. Go on, go to wherever you're thinking, there might be a surprise waiting for us, *hint: it will make our heart flutter*.

Let's make it a ritual to go on a trip every year. Let's give our mind and spirit a makeover. Dust off any tangled mess we have and prepare a space for new things to come into. I'm so excited.

It's got me thinking lately, there's this small blinking light in the back of our mind, sometimes I can see it, sometimes I can't. I want to find out what it is. It's like a signal, trying to reach us, can you feel it? Sometimes, there's this odd feeling swelling inside that you can't put your hand on and naming it. I think if we can sit still, quiet, in the dark, we could see it better. It's guiding us. To where? I got a feeling that it's somewhere deep, somewhere with a treasure, waiting for us. If we can uncover it, it will be the greatest gift that the universe has ever given us. So let's go and find it.

Love, myself.

4. Green

I have some news for you. Brace yourself for changes. They're coming, very fast, very soon. Sit yourself tight. I don't want to give spoilers, but I guess we will receive some sudden confessions or offers. What you will do with those confessions is completely your choice. You don't have to feel guilty if you don't return their feelings, my dear.

I think the way the universe is sending us this kind of surprise is telling us to reconsider our 'single' thinking mode. We have stood alone, strong and independent for so long, I think it actually makes us a little too comfortable in being alone that the thought of getting into a connection with someone can be daunting. Will we lose our freedom? What if we are dependent on them? This time, the universe is saying: 'you and your worries will not make a good journey together, break up with those worries, here, I will throw in some opportunities for you to practice '.

If you don't want romantic connection at the moment, fine, different types of connections will come. No matter what, the universe is determined to get us involved with other people. It's for our own good. I have to admit that it's hard. It's not easy to change our way of thinking and believing. So surprises will be needed.

When opportunities come, the gate is opened, we just need to receive them. Walking through the gate will feel like walking out of a confinement into the wild, lively world outside. We will be propelled into a new path that we hadn't even considered in the past. Beware of what you said in the past about how you don't want to do something, you can't imagine yourself doing something. Well, guess what, we are going to do just that, joke on us.

So, in the meantime, even if you're resisting, it's fine. Just take care of yourself, of us. Obsessive worrying can sadden our body.

Something is going away, giving space to a new energy coming in. This new energy will be softer, more loving. The harshness of the past will go away soon. Trust me.

Love, Your companion.

[thewertsearch]

I guess everyone is reacting to their parents' deaths in this arc. Dave's relationship with Bro has always been a little... complicated, so this should be a very interesting conversation.

TG: oh my fucking god […] TG: we just got done talking and agreed it would be awesome if you didnt bother me for a while […] GC: OH GC: TH4TS R1GHT GC: 1 FORGOT! TG: it was five seconds ago

Girl, get your damn timelines in order!

GC: D1D YOU LOV3 H1M D4V3? TG: no

I believe you.

There's something about the Strider brothers which I noticed a while ago, but haven't had the opportunity to talk about. This is the perfect moment to discuss it, though, because it explains a lot about why Dave is the way he is.

So - let's talk about the Strife fights.

When John first attacked his father with a hammer, I decided to roll with the assumption that this fight was symbolic, rather than literal. John loves his dad, and it can be safely assumed that he doesn't want to kill the guy.

Instead, this scene serves as a stand in for the familial strife between father and son. John finds his father's parenting style to be mildly frustrating, and their interactions sometimes feel like a fight to him.

Likewise, Rose (probably) isn’t actually going for Mom with those needles. Instead, their fight represents Mom’s 'ironic' negligence, and the gifts that Rose refuses to believe are from the heart. The Lalonde relationship is clearly more fraught than the Egbert one, but I don't think Rose actually wants to skewer Ms Lalonde.

Jade doesn't really fight her Grandpa, but their Strife clearly demonstrated how deeply in-denial she is - not about his death, but about the fact that her life isn't normal. She's desperately trying to have the same childhood that John and Rose are describing, but she can't, because she doesn't have a parent to bicker with.

Now, I'm sure you've guessed where I'm going with this. What, exactly, did Dave's Strife scenes represent?

Well...

...first of all, it's worth noting that Dave is the only Player to explicitly describe the events of his Strife to a third party. We've never heard John reminiscing about bludgeoning Dad, but Dave's constantly complaining about getting beaten up by puppets.

And - rather more worryingly - Dave is the only Player to retain his Strife injuries, even after this ostensibly 'metaphorical' fight is over.

In fact, one of those Strife injuries still marks him to this day.

The point I am obviously dancing around is that I don't think Dave's Strife was a metaphor at all. Unlike his friends, there's no pretense to these fights. They're literal. Dave's brother routinely attacked him.

Odds are, this was Bro's way of 'preparing' Dave for the game he surely knew was coming - but you don't need me to tell you that he took it way too far. The guy might have been Dave's assigned Guardian, but he really shouldn't have been raising anyone.

[coralchoral]

honestly thinking about the sonadow twitter takeover and how the plummeting to earth thing very much affected Sonic a lot more than it affected Shadow. like in a previous takeover Shadow even made it a positive memory about Sonic trying to save him.

Meanwhile in Prime, Sonic has a moment of saving Shadow from falling into the void that's very reminiscent of that other fall (in the same way Prime has a lot of motivations and references that only make sense from a fandom insider perspective).

Sonic also gets repeatedly tilted, loud and anxious, (which I'm pinning more on RCS's/whatever writer's sense of humor, as is all the voice acting gags) and is coping badly any time Shadow comes out ahead. I think Sonic's insistence on his ability to grow chest fur is as big a Cope as floaties=fashion statement.

But really, Sonic's repeat date suggestions and Shadow's own descriptions of Sonic's behavior (dragging out their races, etc "just to annoy me") reads, whether romantically or platonically, that Sonic just really wants to spend time with Shadow.

He feels he needs to justify it, though, insisting that he and Shadow have something other than occasionally getting in each other's way ("two sides of the same coin") (friendly competition being "why you keep me around-" seemed like odd wording to me).

Needing to make it meaningful, because that's what Shadow wants out of a relationship- Shadow /says/ he dislikes Sonic for being frivolous and inauthentic, that (for instance) his hugs don't mean anything, and that he doesn't want "(Sonic's) kind of hug."

Sonic really wants to spend time with Shadow because he's also intimately aware that that time is limited. Either Shadow's patience (and/or social battery) is limited and he's liable to make a batman exit if he doesn't want to be somewhere (not that we've ever seen Shadow do this in canon, he seems to awkwardly/quietly hang around as if he doesn't realize he can just hit the bricks (or he likes being there and has no idea how to express it re: smiling at Big the Cat) ), Or Sonic and Shadow will get caught up in their own lives again and not see each other until Fate Deigns to Allow Them to Cross Paths Once More.

And Sonic misses him.

(This ties in with my Sonic Frontiers is the Saddest Game Ever posting from a while back, too. Sonic is lonely AF and Needs Other People to Talk To or he'll start talking to the walls and robots, and Shadow will almost always either talk back or groan in exasperation, which is as good a reaction as any.)

All this, plus Sonic's opinion flip-flops (shopping with Amy vs shopping with Shadow, opinion on Orbot) could be either (Sonadow Optimist) Sonic is Down Bad and not even conscious of his mirroring Shadow/trying to appeal to Shadow, or (Sonadow/overall Pessimist) Sonic trying to appeal to the Most Popular Character Right Now and getting increasingly desperate as he is rebuffed.

A few of these Twitter Takeovers have had moments of Sonic in particular getting thrown off and not really able to recover. (which makes me question what the writing is like, if there's any at all and these VA's aren't just riffing on an outline. Considering they don't talk over each other constantly, there must be something like a script, but it also does occasionally feel like a bad roleplay (and I've been a bad roleplayer).) It leads to a Something Is Wrong feeling in the "We're doing this for fun" question-answering joke show. Sonic needs therapy. (We all need therapy.)

Meanwhile, Shadow really is pulling out all the grunts, groans, and whines with Sonic that, if scripted, would be egregious as hell to read or write. He doesn't make these noises in the games (or shows, really?) mostly because there's a sort of efficiency necessary to production that cuts out that interpersonal realism and partly because it's annoying? Shadow, you're the annoying one?

Unrelated, everybody latched on to Sonic's "Go off, King" but nobody even noticed Shadow's "Deal With It."(sunglasses drop) How soon we forget the sacred texts and/or the deep magic, I guess? (It's an old meme, but it checks out!)

[actualmermaid]

Since I've spent the last month-plus neck-deep in queer Christian history research, I ended up with some thoughts™️ about "classical" Western homoeroticism vs. Christian homophobia.

Liberal Christian apologetics sometimes do a very annoying thing when asked to explain the homophobia in the New Testament epistles. Because it's real, it's there, and homophobic Christians take it as the Unquestionable Word of God. So obviously we have to do something about it.

The liberal explanation tends to go something like this: "the epistle writer is talking about the abusive and exploitative homosexual acts that were common in ancient Rome, not the loving/egalitarian/mutually respectful relationships that gay people are able to have today." And it's so frustrating because there is SOME truth in this. We and Paul both know that the Greeks and Romans were notorious pederasts and slave-abusers. And that's bad! It's super bad. I do agree that Paul/the epistle writer is condemning abusive behavior using language and frameworks that would have been available to him at the time. Deciphering the social context of the epistles can get messy.

But the annoying thing is this: it is not affirming to suggest that all gay people in the past were either abusers or their victims, and "we're more enlightened now" is a lie. We are not smarter than the Greeks. We are not more civilized than the Romans. We are not more pious than the medievals. (Hello there, Roman Catholic sex abuse scandals.) And there have always been gay people who have defied all odds to have loving, egalitarian, and mutually respectful relationships with each other, even if we do not know their stories or their struggles.

This is kind of the crux of John Boswell's "controversial" thesis: gay people have always existed, even if they had to conceal themselves and their relationships behind various protective structures. (I actually haven't read any of his books yet, so I'm not going to engage too deeply with the nuances of his arguments.) When people try to dismiss him, I suspect it's because they don't notice or appreciate what he probably noticed. I have a hunch that Boswell's arguments are not super intersectional and focus mostly on the privileged sphere of people who left written records in the Middle Ages, but hey, serious LGBTQ Christian history research has to start somewhere. I'll withhold judgment for now. But I do think he was totally right about one thing: Saints Sergius and Bacchus. They were totally a gay couple until somehow proven otherwise, IMO. The reason I think he was right is because he was able to notice the "classical" aesthetics of homoeroticism in their legend even though it might not obvious to people who don't know what they're looking for. Straight people reading the legend are like "there's nothing gay about this" and gay people are like "wow, this story is pretty gay."

If you've ever looked into Western gay history, you've seen two words: erastes and eromenos. This means "lover" and "beloved," the two sides of a classical Greek pederastic relationship. The Greeks did actually recognize an age of consent and had ideals of proper behavior that regulated these relationships, but these were still usually relationships between a teenage boy and an older man, which isn't great. They also had all kinds of weird ideas about the politics of penetration and so forth. The Greeks and Romans didn't really think that two people could really be equal to each other--in any relationship, there was always one who was sort of subordinate to the other. So it was "weird" for two social equals to be in a gay relationship, as opposed to one with one partner who was already "established" and was "showing the ropes" to a younger guy who needed some wholesome manly instruction. We may not be better, smarter, or more enlightened than people in the past, but we do have the ability to critique them and try to identify the harmful behaviors that we've inherited from them, so we can do better. We've come a long way since the days of erastes/eromenos relationships, but one thing has stuck around: the classical aesthetics of a "manly guy" and an "idealized youth" in love with each other.

Apropos of nothing, here's a photo of John Boswell and his longtime partner Jerry Hart. They were within a year of being the same age.

So anyway, this brings us back to the legend of Sergius and Bacchus. The version that Boswell translated takes great pains to show how Sergius and Bacchus were equals in every way. They're both Roman officers, they're about the same age, they sing in unison, and are united in the egalitarian love of Christ. However, they are still just a little bit unequal. Sergius is of a slightly higher rank than Bacchus.

To be clear, this whole legend is a literary creation, and it's got a bunch of Byzantine propaganda in it. It's not history, it's mythology. Whoever wrote it down would have been familiar with erastes/eromenos dynamics, because these were everywhere in classical antiquity. So they made sure to specify all the ways in which Sergius and Bacchus were equals, but took a firm position in ye olde fandom top/bottom discourse.

Throughout the legend, Sergius acts, and Bacchus is acted upon. Bacchus is killed first, and Sergius is temporarily demoralized. Bacchus then appears to Sergius in a vision encouraging him to stay strong. Sergius is so steadfast that they can't torture him enough to make him recant his faith, and he is beheaded. Even straight couples are not usually said to have been reunited in heaven, but Sergius and Bacchus are.

So, knowing that Sergius is the erastes and Bacchus is the eromenos in this story, we can start to notice it in iconography too. It's not always consistent, but sometimes icons will have Sergius' cloak curling protectively over Bacchus' head, or one of them taking a slightly more "authoritative" posture, etc.

Above all, they are always depicted as true equals--sometimes they almost look like twins.

Increasingly, modern icons are being made that explicitly communicate the idea that they were a gay couple. The one on the left was created by Robert Lentz, a Franciscan friar, for Chicago Pride in 1994. The one on the right makes the classical homoerotic aesthetic super explicit, and is by far the most sexually-suggestive "traditional-style" icon I have ever seen lol. Shoutout to this artist.

So to sum up: John Boswell knew what the fuck he was talking about. Also, none of this excuses the homophobia in the Christian scriptures or the homophobia that Christians continue to perpetuate. However, knowing what to look for in art and writing helps us understand that gay people were not magically granted the ability to have egalitarian relationships in the modern world, and THAT leads us away from problematic apologetics.

[lukolabrainrot]

What do you think is the story with JD?

It looks like he is Ns bf, but that does not make sense on so many levels.

To say he is there to distract from something else going on e.g. a relationship of LN does not make an awful lot of sense either. Honestly, apart from the fandom nobody would care, especially not in the industry, whether they are together or not. And she could have just gone to NY alone of L and here were not ready to be out yet.

What are your thoughts on JDs role in this saga?

Ok here is where I am at with everything after the last week and a half...

First let me lay out what we got from L/N last week:

L/N obviously agreed to the post with L at her place as she's getting ready with a ring on his ring finger (they are both smart and know the fandom, they knew we would notice). People can argue all they want about those hands... I've stared at L's hands a LOT this year! Those are L's hands in the pic with N getting ready. Period.

N now has her claddagh on the left hand, which signifies marriage or engagement if worn in the traditional manner (which N appears to do with this claddagh). It's not on the ring finger, but has moved to the left hand, which is significant.

There was a video circulating early last week that included a small clip of a voice of a man that MAYYY have been L in the audience while N was presenting at the Glamour Awards.

L shared the October 3rd Polin meme with Xx (indicating he's a lot more online than we think and knows what we are talking about)

Less than 24 hrs later we get the Brb story at the Heathrow Airport with the two sets of carry-on luggage and two cups. L DOES NOT POST STUFF LIKE THIS LATELY. It was a TOTAL change in behavior.

L/N 100% coordinated those travel posts to indicate they're going to NY together on a "vacation" around her award and the BRB was a tease about SOMETHING and it appears to be related to him and N based on the coordinated posts.

Now here are my next points:

L/N have given us a lot of crumbs before, but last week was VERY obvious and intentional... so it made significant implications that something was planned on the NY trip, and we all had expectations that we would see L with N.

But THEN... all we have seen is N with JD (who tbf we've seen her with at various points throughout the summer).

N was BIG MAD about the hand holding video coming out and had her team ON IT with scrubbing and untagging the video.

Douglas is the only other person other than N who has said anything criticizing the fan for sharing the video.

So I will say this...

I'm VERY confused about how JD plays into this story... I don't actually think they are dating because of everything else that has signaled L/N are currently together (ESPECIALLY the rings and the very obvious clues last week). However, the hand holding video is not exactly a great look (and N and her team are normally soooo good at avoiding this stuff). It seems like a rookie mistake from N and her team, which just seems odd to me 🤔

I'm not sure why L/N implied they took this NY trip together (which I think they did and I feel very confident that L is somewhere in NY with N) if L/N WEREN'T planning to be seen together on the trip. The trip might not be done yet, so maybe they have something planned AFTER the Time event, but it's just weird to me 🤔 I have some theories on what might be going on BTS with L/N that might be complicating the situation, but I am going to hold on to those rn. But even with my theories, it doesn't make any sense to me why they don't just go public atp, especially since they have been teasing about it, PARTICULARLY last week 🤔

Lastly, I'm soooooo tired of the teasing! AND it's time for L to BRB now. Come on back Lukey...

So there you go. I don't have ANY idea what their plan was with the coordinated travel stories. I also have NO idea what role JD plays in all this... I don't think they're dating though. And I hope L follows up on his BRB story ASAP, and it's 100% obvious he's with N... we shall see... it's all very confusing tbh 🤷‍♀️

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

Hiiiii <3 can you do a do how the mob boys would treat you after getting a abortion or if your not comfortable with that period pains / cramps? Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

don't worry, I am comfortable with this. Will defo be writing a how the mob! boys react to you getting your period as well, though.

Mob! Leo

Knew it was for the best

you guys always used protection but 4 months into your relationship you were 2 months pregnant.

you didn't know each other well enough to move in yet alone have a kid together.

He drove you to the clinic, was willing to go in with you but the doctors wouldn't allow it

he would have though.

after it's done he thanks you, says how he knows that would have been difficult to do but it was the right choice

he pampers you for the few days you have to rest afterwards

all your fave foods, drinks, shows, movies, flowers...the works.

he really tries to take care of you

he lets you cry if you need to, he lets you get angry at him if you need to

he kind of just rolls with whatever strong emotion comes up

he won't let you blame him, though

"Takes two to tango" he always says when you get a bit accusatory.

he'll just hold you and talk, about anything. The weather, your plans over the next few weeks, ask the odd question so you're not just sobbing in his arms

he tries, he really tries.

Mob! Raph

oop he should have seen this coming

he isn't exactly great and remembering to use condoms....

it's a long conversation when you decide to terminate the pregnancy.

he kind of wants to keep it, be a dad and all, but you both decide that it's not the right time.

He waits in the car for you, not really wanting to go inside since he wasn't 100% on board with it anyways

when you get in the car, you immediately burst into tears.

"we did the right thing" he says but even he doesn't sound sure

it's more like a question

he isn't the most attentive at first

kind of avoids you a little

but when he see's how much you're struggling he steps up.

takes you out on a nice date night to remind you why you're with him in the first place.

you have a great time, Raph is fun, always has been

you almost forget why he's brought you out

as you're heading home he says "you know, there's always time to, y'know... Have one. Now just isn't the right time"

He wants a future with you and that means a lot to you

Mob! Mikey

He kind of freaks when you tell him you need an abortion

he thought you were at the point where you'd start a family

once you explain the extenuating circumstance as to why that wouldn't be a great idea right now, he's half on board.

not going to make an effort to be a a part of this, though

he isn't bad to you after the procedure...Just the same old Mikey

that is until he wakes you to you curled in a ball on the floor, your hormones all over the place making you sob

then he's better

he tries to talk you through it but he isn't the best at that

"I'll knock you up again now if you want, just stop crying. please?"

that is...not the right thing to say

Mob! Donnie

practically tells you that you have to get one

"you're not ruining my reputation and trapping me with some bastard child!"

Does not drive you there, doesn't want to be seen outside that sort of clinic, just in case

it's only when he sees how badly it's effecting you he's even a tiny bit nicer

((Only because he see's this as a good opportunity to get what he wants, he's evil...)))

you wake up to flowers on your bedside table the next day and the smell of pancakes wafting up the stair, he's made you breakfast

"you know, now that we've been through this, we're stronger" he begins

he wants devotion, your undying loyalty and your soul if you'll give it tbh

"this will only make us closer"

he's all you've got really, your family didn't approve of this relationship and they defo wouldn't approve of you having an abortion...

[monstersandmaw]

First time romancing Astarion, and I'm all aboard the ace-spec interpretation of Astarion that I've seen floating around. As someone who's ace, I definitely resonated with him in this scene anyway. That hug reaction from Astarion. Oof.

And the fact that if you also romance Halsin, one of the dialogue options Astarion can give you is to say something like: 'it's not because... we haven't... in a while... is it?'... My heart cracked painfully at that, I'm not going to lie. I have spoken almost exactly that sentence before, worrying that just kissing and physical affection is not enough for someone who's not ace. To have that validated by Astarion was really special for me.

(aka, I really didn't get to know Astarion very well in my first playthrough because he didn't approve of my absolute doormat of a Tav (Kaerlyn the drow) and I didn't spend much time with him, but now with my sassy monk...? I get it. I totally get why you all love Astarion so much).

EDIT: additional dialogue from Raphael talking about Cazador indicates that it might be linked to vampirism (my own headcanon for vampires anyway is they can't get aroused without having fed recently, not just BG3 vamps, but in general)

[some poly-ace-astarion thoughts under the cut too]

I'm not 100% convinced that Astarion is really ok with the consensual poly situation in-game, because he famously doesn't say what he actually wants and is the king of manipulating others, especially in sexual situations (e.g. what Cazador sent him out to do, and how). I'm not sure if I'll reload a save and just have Halsin as a friend...

The dialogue when you check in with Astarion before the Halsin scene is... strained? Odd??? Maybe it's just me over-analysing it. He sounded strained though - his tone high pitched and more grandiose than he'd been in previous cut-scenes, where he was more softly-spoken. It sounded more like early-game Astarion to me...

Also, my dialogue options may have been totally randomised the next time I approached Astarion after a steamy night with Halsin, but they sounded kind of strained there too, and I got the 'I can never say no to you' one, which set my ace people-pleaser alarm bells ringing...

As someone who's poly-romantic but asexual, I can project/imagine here that Astarion has come to care for Tav a lot (more than he ever expected, for sure), and he genuinely wants Tav to be happy. He trusts Tav enough to know that Tav respects his autonomy and right to decide things for himself, and values Astarion for who he is, so Astarion is intellectually/conceptually happy for Tav to get something from Halsin that Astarion is not providing (sex), but perhaps emotionally that additional fact and dynamic is harder to deal with.

That could totally be me projecting though, because that's how I'd react if my husband (not ace) and I (ace) were in that situation (we've discussed it between us, actually XD). Feelings of guilt and inadequacy around sex itself are apparently very common with us ace folks, even in very healthy and happy relationships.

Anyway, that turned into a ramble I didn't intend on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I'm not looking to start any discourse about this though. If you don't see Astarion that way, or had a different experience and interpretation, that's all totally valid and I'm not trying to invalidate it in anyway.

[lovemyromance]

your posts are literally the elriel bible, I don't think i've disagreed with a single one.

In general, elriels agree on a lot of things which is why it's so odd to find EL/GAs fighting with themselves over "elriels say elains gonna be a warrior" and "elriels say elain's gonna save illyria" because I have never EVER seen a single elriel say such a thing. I saw a long post from some elucien about how elriels self-insert and then they listed a long list of things about what canon elain is - except i don't think elriels would even disagree with what they were saying?

It got kind of muddy when they started trying to claim that "canonically azriel only lusts after elain" but whatever - you get the point. Why are they putting words in our mouths?

Thank you :) I know I always excessively post about elriel (because I'm pretty sure I have the attention span of a squirrel), but some days these petty arguments really make my eye twitch.

Idk why antis seem to think Elriels want Elain to be some warrior, savior of Illyria, High Queen type character. I thought we've all been pretty vocal in wanting to keep her femininity and her kindness and finding strength in her compassion.

If it's because the fanarts....well I think we've all established that nobody is really claiming fanarts to be canon. I think that goes without saying when we have fanart of an Elriel family with Illyrian offspring - or when Eluciens have fanart of Elain looking happy around Lucien lmao. Both are not canon. Who cares - it's fanart? It's not like we really going to pretend that all their fanart is canon either?

Because canonically - Elain can't stand Lucien. Canonically, Azriel has literally never touched Gwyn.

There are basic traits to these characters that nobody can deny. But the antis always have a way of adding additional, personal bias into things. They say Elain's not a warrior - cool, that's true, that's canon – but then they take it a step too far and try to claim its canon that she abhors all violence and she would never touch a dagger and she would hate Azriel because he's a warrior.

Canonically, Elain killed the fucking King of Hybern. She might not crave violence (oh- also what an odd thing to claim - that ANY character loves violence, btw), but she has already proven to be violent when needed.

Canonically, Elain does use a dagger. Not just any dagger - Truthteller.

Nobody's saying she out here training as a Valkyrie at the HOW - but she's not just sitting here in frolicking in a meadow while the rest of her friends and family go to war. She was literally taken AWAY from the main battle in ACOWAR and she still showed back up to pull the most badass move in the books, saving everyone.

Idk what about that is so hard to understand. No Elriel has said she's gonna save Illyria (lol), no one has claimed she's going to be Enalius the Second, nobody is out here waiting for her to take part in the BR and also become a Carthyian.

Elriels like Elain as she is. And even though she's not a warrior, even though she doesn't enjoy violence, even though she isn't a Cartyhian – Azriel still adores her. Azriel still wants her enough to question his religion. That's literally in the books. I can give you the exact page number and quote. I don't need to do any "extra analysis"

You want to talk about canon? Let's talk about how Elain is so perfect that she has even the most brooding warrior falling for her. Let's talk about how Azriel was willing to fight in a blood duel for her. Let's talk about how she was so ready to have a tryst with the Spymaster under everyone's watchful eyes.

We don't need to change anything about Elain, certainly not to have her end up with Azriel. Elriel having feelings for each other is already canon. Elriels did not have to change a single thing about them for them to find each other. That was SJM, so take it up with her.

I mean - she kind of ate when she summed up their relationship in ACOWAR with that scene in the garden...they might not make sense on paper but there's something poetic about them

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 42 ~ Wildflower Wildfire

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 4

✧ Word Count : 6.9k

In this chapter ~ A few weeks had gone by since the people of Woodbury have made themselves at home within the prison walls. All seemed to be well, everything falling into place. That is until it grew painfully obvious that Daryl had been keeping some kind of secret.

My eyes were closed contently as I felt the sun dancing on my skin, standing high on top of the watchtower, the sound of people working around me filling my ears. It was hard to believe that it had been two whole months since we brought in the people from Woodbury, but we were already growing so much as a community. More than I could've even imagined.

The gates that surrounded the prison were now fixed, as that was the first priority. Now we've moved on to planting seeds to grow vegetables, getting some classes set up for the younger kids, and having groups go out on runs almost every day to get the things we needed the most. In my opinion I think we just about nailed the system we had going on here. But most of all, I was so proud of how far everyone's come.

Rick had been doing a lot better as time went on and had officially stepped down from the whole "leader" role, leaving all the decisions we made to the council we created. He was still included in that small group, but he liked it a whole lot better than making the decisions all by himself.

His relationship with Carl had also seemed to improve immensely and Judith was only growing more and more every day. I felt relief in knowing that he was focusing more on himself and his kids, I could tell how much it lifted his spirits. And because of his better mindset, I realized that the two of us had slowly been getting closer than we ever were before, noticing how he started to look to me for a lot of the decisions that were made for the community. And though I wasn't big on making decisions, I still helped him with it, knowing it took more pressure off of his shoulders.

Though that only seemed to be the beginning, the rest of the improvements falling into place right after that. I had to admit, it was odd at first having so many new people around, people that we once hated and nearly went to war with. It was a big adjustment to get used to, but it was also one of the best ones we've ever made.

Now seeing how much we had grown together, seeing Rick's vision come to life, the one that he had held onto since the start, that's what made it all worth it to me.

The only thing that was left to really worry about now, was where exactly The Governor ran to after all the destruction he caused to his own people in the end. Daryl and Michonne were the ones most persistent on finding him, but in the end, they never found anything. I for one hoped he had just disappeared for good, not having a good enough reason to come back after losing all of his people. But the two of them were persistent, and though I respected that, a part of me just wanted to move on.

I was pulled out of my thoughts suddenly when I heard the sound of a car coming up through the gates, opening my eyes to see that it was the two very people I had been thinking about. They had returned from yet another search for the man, leaving for about three whole days this time around. Meaning I had missed them both greatly. I smiled to myself as I made my way down to greet them, trying to hide how excited I was that they were both home safe.

I quickly climbed down and headed over toward the gates, seeing that Rick had beaten me to the punch as he greeted them first, beginning to discuss if they had found anything this time around. My pace picked up the smallest bit as I saw Michonne was out of the car informing him about the potential details, while Daryl was shuffling around in the trunk, pulling out some of their belongings.

Though as soon as she caught a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye, she stopped talking and fully turned towards me with a smile, accepting the hug I gave her as I held her tightly for a moment.

"Find anything?" I asked, pulling away from her.

She shook her head in slight defeat, "Not a thing. But I know he's alive, and we're going to find him. Eventually." she said as she turned back to Rick.

"I don't know if I like how often you two go out there, we need you here too." Rick stated, "Help around with the things that still need to be done."

"We need to find him so he doesn't cause any more damage." Michonne gently argued.

He sighed, "How can you be so sure he's still alive?" 

"I just know." she said.

"She just knows." I repeated with a shrug which earned a small glare from Rick, Michonne chuckling to herself as he rolled his eyes at the two of us. It was clear he knew I would chose her side over his, especially when it came to something like this.

The trunk of the car then shut with a slam, causing my attention to break away from them, seeing Daryl slowly making his way over to us. He looked at me shyly as a smile was brought to his face, his expression being contagious as I smiled right back at him, walking the rest of the way to wrap my arms around his shoulders, briefly kissing his cheek before hugging him tight. We stood there for a few moments before I finally tried to pull away, only to be held in place by him for another few seconds, causing me to laugh quietly as he rested his chin on top of my head.

"Nothing?" I asked as I rubbed his back softly.

He sighed quietly, "Nothin." he confirmed.

I nodded my head as the news was growing more repetitive, the disappointment only growing each time I heard it. I eventually pulled back fully, seeing Rick and Michonne still deep in conversation, giving me a small opportunity to take his hand as I tugged him aside gently.

"So," I started as we slowed to a stop, "You look kind of tense...do you want to head back to our room for a bit?" I finished with a wink.

He chuckled and took my other hand, "That's tempting, but I uh...I can't. I gotta work on somethin." he said vaguely.

My brows furrowed a little, "What? You never say no to sex." I joked.

"I know, but it's kinda important...I gotta head back out for a little while. But I'll see ya later tonight, okay." he promised with a small smile, before placing a short kiss on my forehead and turning to head toward his bike.

That was something else that I might had some type of complaint about. Lately Daryl has been acting weird. Like he won't be able to look at me sometimes, get oddly nervous, acting as if we hadn't been together long enough for me to take notice at the strange behavior.

Or like just now, he'll say he has to "work on something" and completely blow me off. In my mind I would think he would want to spend time with me after he gets back, but lately that hasn't been the case. I tried to brush it off like it was nothing, but it was really starting to get to me.

I watched with a small frown as he hopped on the back of his motorcycle, starting it up quickly before driving it right back through the gates, disappearing completely down the dirt path. My brows stayed furrowed in confusion and a little disappointment as I watched him leave, before sighing softly and turning back to head towards the watch tower to finish whatever was left of my shift.

I sent Rick and Michonne a small but fake smile as I passed them, though noticing quickly how Rick's eyes darted between me and the gates Daryl just blew through, a sly smile forming on his face.

My feet stopped completely as I looked at him in suspicion, "What?" I pressed. But he only shrugged, the knowing grin on his face beginning to annoy me, "Rick." I warned.

"Nothing, nothing. You're just so pretty." he said sweetly, trying to change the subject.

I rolled my eyes with a scoff and pushed his arm lightly, "Shut up."

He chuckled from behind me as I began to walk away again, climbing back up in the watch tower to keep an eye on the trees before the sun went down. Though I tried not to let my mind wander too much about the things he could be doing, I couldn't help the pit that formed in my stomach of the unknown.

The next morning I woke up groggily, turning over with a small groan once I realized that Daryl had already left for the day. He came back late last night, dodging my questions left and right when I asked him something basic about where he was. He settled on giving me only one-word answers, trying to be short with me every time I opened my mouth.

I rolled my eyes at the empty space next to me, slowly getting up to get dressed and ready for the day. Grabbing my knife to place on my hip, I made my way through the busy, noisy cellblock to head outside for some breakfast. After grabbing a plate from Carol gratefully, I sat down in my usual spot at one of the tables as I began to pick apart my food with the plastic fork, not really feeling too hungry.

Though only seconds after I sat down, Beth quickly spotted me and took a seat across from me with a plate of her own. She seemed much more bubbly than how I was feeling, clearly waking up in a better mood as she began to talk to me cheerfully. But I listened to everything she said, trying to be polite as I continued to just push my food around mindlessly.

She went over the chores she had to get done that day along with taking care of Judith, sneaking in the slight mention of a new guy named Zach that recently joined the group. The brief mention of that made me perk up quite a bit as I began to tease her slightly from the obvious crush she had on the guy. Although she never confirmed anything with me, she would still get flustered at the mere mention of his name, her cheeks turning pink as she shushed me and changed the subject every time.

But the distraction of the conversation didn't last as long as I had hoped, with her quickly realizing what time it was, she began to finish the remaining food on her plate as fast as she could before muttering to me that she was already behind for the day.

She quickly stood back up, placing a kiss on the side of my head before running off in the other direction as fast as she could. I chuckled at her frantic, rushed words and the quick sprint as she desperately tried to make it to the children's reading time, knowing that they were surely waiting around for her patiently.

I then began to turn back towards the table, about to get up and throw my remaining food away, but something bright and colorful coming from my left caught my eye before I could even move.

My gaze moved up to see Daryl, with a big and nervous smile on his face, holding a plethora of colorful wildflowers in his hand. A slow smile made its way onto my face as I watched him walk over, my eyes only growing wider in surprise as he made it over to sit himself next to me.

"Hey." he said, before leaning in to place a soft kiss on my cheek.

My eyes brightened as he pulled away, "Hi...what's this?" I asked hesitantly as I gestured towards the huge bouquet.

He looked down, "Well, these are called flowers, and they're for you darlin." he stated proudly, his big goofy smile still plastered on his face.

My eyes narrowed a little at his smartass comment, before taking them as he handed them over to me, "They're beautiful," I said, eyeing each and every one of them as I looked closer, "Thank you, but...what's the occasion?"

He only shrugged nonchalantly, "Just cause I love ya."

I felt my smile only grow, "I love you too," I muttered, leaning in to place a quick kiss on his lips, "Where did you even find these?" I asked, pulling back momentarily again to gawk at the different variety of flowers.

"Just around," he mumbled, "You uh...got anythin important to do today?"

I glanced back up at him, "I have to clear walkers, but other than that not really."

He nodded, "Good. Why don't ya get these in some water and get ready to take a walk with me?"

"Okay..." I trailed off suspiciously, "What's up?"

"Just wanna spend some time with ya. Now get your cute ass in that prison and get ready." he said with a chuckle, pushing my arm to get me to stand.

I laughed as I stood up from my seat, "Okay, okay, I'm moving."

I quickly jogged back into cellblock C and headed up into our room to try and find something to place these in for the time being. There were a few water bottles stocked up in here for whenever we needed them, and I figured that was good enough for now as I took one of the lids off and placed them in there delicately. Quickly grabbing my bow and arrows from their place by the small dresser, I headed back outside to find him in the same exact spot I had left him.

"Okay, ready." I said with a smile.

He smirked up at me and took my hand in his as we began to make our way over to walk out through the gates, heading into the woods as we passed through the first line of pine trees. We made small talk as we walked side by side, listening to him tell me all about the places they found while out on the road instead of traces of The Governor.

He made sure to mention that we should send some people out to check a few stores they came across, a few places that held things that some of the kids might enjoy. Also informing me about the baby store they hit that still held much more stuff inside, things that Judith would need and be able to use. A small smile tugged at my lips as I watched him talk with his hands, going on and on excitedly.

It warmed my heart seeing him talk about the books and toys that he thought the kids would really like, his tough guy exterior slowly coming down with each passing day.

But he then surprised me slightly, jumping behind me a bit to place his hands over my eyes as we no doubt neared the destination he had in mind. "Okay, this is it. No peekin." he whispered in my ear.

I laughed softly at his fast actions, "I could've just closed my eyes."

I could almost sense the roll of his eyes as he slowly started to move me forward, "This adds the dramatic effect, alright?" he joked as he gently pushed me further out.

My nerves slightly grew as I could feel him bringing me through some bushes, ducking under a few tree branches, leaving me no indication of where we were going.

"You're not planning to kill me, are you?" I asked as I nearly tripped over a tree root.

He paused for a second, "How'd ya figure it out?" he asked in a serious tone.

I scoffed as I reached back to slap his chest gently, "Shut up." I muttered as he continued to guide me forward.

We walked for only a few more seconds, the grass evening out as he finally spoke again, "Alright, we made it." he said before slowly taking his hands away.

My eyes opened to take in my surroundings, squinting a little at the sudden brightness of the sun, trying to allow my eyes to adjust. But when they did, I let out a quiet gasp at all the gorgeous colors surrounding our feet. There were practically thousands of beautiful wildflowers all around us, a huge field of them in what seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. It almost felt like a dream.

I slowly turned back to look at him in astonishment, my mouth still parted a little in shock, "How...how did you find this?"

"I was out huntin one day and just came across it. So...what do ya think?" he asked a bit nervously.

"It's amazing." I said with a bright smile, turning back around to look and memorize all the flowers that were right in front of me.

Though I felt him turn me around by my shoulders after a few seconds to face him again, bending down for a moment to pick a flower before standing back up to put it behind my ear. He placed it there delicately, allowing his calloused hand to move and caress my cheek as I leaned more into his touch.

He smiled softly at me, "Ya really like it?"

I nodded, "Of course I do...it's perfect."

His smile only grew as he looked at me, placing a soft kiss on my lips before pulling away to speak again, "Y'know when I found this place, I was thinkin we could spend a little time together here for a while." he said almost hintingly, before reaching into his pocket to pull out a smaller book I recognized well.

It was a novel we found recently that we both thought looked interesting, deciding we would read it together and take turns at who would read out loud and who would listen. He was never a huge fan of books unless he was dying of boredom, but one day he asked what I was reading when he came back from working after a long day, and I read a page out loud to him so he could get the idea.

After that, he loved books. Well...he loved when I read the books. He claimed that when he heard my voice reading the words, it was just different somehow, actually being able to visualize better. And I didn't mind at all, in fact I loved it.

I smiled, "We came out here to read?"

He shrugged, "Yeah, it's peaceful out here. Plus we can get away from everyone else for a little while."

"Good point." I nodded before grabbing his hand and taking him further out onto the field.

Once we found a good place to sit, not crushing any of the flowers beneath us, he laid down on his back with a huff and rested his head on my thighs, holding the book up to me, "Yer turn." he said with a smirk.

I took the book from his hands, glancing down at him knowingly while he only shrugged in faux innocence. Funny how most of the time it was my turn. But again, I didn't mind.

My fingers began flipping through the pages until I finally landed on the place that we had marked, picking it up from there. I began to start reading immediately, getting lost in the book as I pictured the events that were happening as I read aloud, still feeling Daryl's gaze on me. I could tell I had his full attention as he listened, watching me flip through the pages effortlessly.

After only a few minutes, I felt him take my free hand that rested on his chest and began to play with my fingers, seeming to really test me on how well I could stay focused. I would take it back every few minutes to flip the page, but quickly placed it back down afterwards. His fingers ran gently across my skin, raising it up to his lips every once and a while to place small and gentle kisses all over my palm. He would only smirk and keep going however when he heard my voice faulter, or stutter, only egging him on more as he continued innocently.

Though after about three chapters, I decided to stop for now and mark the page before putting the book down right next to me, glancing back at Daryl who hadn't taken his eyes off me the whole time. I only tilted my head at him, waiting for him to tell me what he was thinking.

"Yer so beautiful." he finally spoke softly.

I felt myself blush, squeezing our already intertwined hands, "Thank you, love." I spoke quietly, tracing my finger along his cheekbone as I felt him smile, "I think you're especially beautiful."

"Stop." he immediately huffed, looking away from me to try to hide his embarrassment, though he secretly loved it.

I laughed quietly, "It's true," I said softly, "Plus it's fun to see you all embarrassed." I joked.

I assumed he would crack a joke in return, the playful banter between us and the constant teasing was just a part of our relationship. But he didn't. He stayed quiet as he gazed at me, looking at me so lovingly that I thought I could cry. His eyes held so much emotion as he stared at me, feeling the familiar butterflies resurface in my stomach at the sight.

"I love ya so much." he said suddenly.

"I love you too." I replied without any hesitation.

He smiled back at me, before sitting back up quite suddenly, getting back up to his feet, "Well...good as time as any." he muttered to himself, rocking a bit back and forth on his feet.

I noticed how uneasy he seemed to grow, a lot of things seeming to weigh on his mind, "Oh God, are you pregnant?" I joked, in hopes to lighten the mood.

He cracked a small smile as he rolled his eyes, "Nah, just...just got some stuff I wanna say to ya."

I nodded my head slowly, "Okay...talk to me."

He took a breath, "M' not uh...m' not good at these things. I don't even know where the hell m' supposed ta..." he trailed off for a long moment before he huffed again, "I love you."

I couldn't help but laugh, "I love you too." I repeated.

He smiled slightly before letting out a small sigh, "Bein with you...is the best damn thing that's ever happened to me. I didn't really even know who I was before I met ya, like...there was a piece missin. But I think after all this time of searchin for that piece...I finally found her." he winked.

A small lump began to form in my throat, my smile unwavering as I stared up at him with nothing but love and endearment, but yet there was still more he had to say as he cleared his throat nervously. "My point in sayin all this is...I can't even imagine sharin my life with anyone else besides you. Yer the only one I want forever. So..." he trailed off, slowly getting down to one knee as he brought something out of his back pocket.

"Rosie...will ya marry me?"

The air was completely knocked out of my lungs, and I had so many thoughts running through my mind all at one time I thought I was going to explode. I could tell just how nervous he was by the shakiness in his voice and the fact that his hand was fidgeting, attempting to hold the ring that he now held out to me. My answer was more than obvious, but it seemed to get stuck at the back of my throat as I tried to memorize this moment perfectly.

Once I finally gathered my thoughts together, I found myself nodding instantly, "Yes."

I could physically see the weight being lifted off his shoulder with just that one word, causing him to sigh in relief as a huge grin made its way onto his face. He shakily raised his hand up to place the ring on my finger, extending my hand out with tears in my eyes as I watched it was a perfect fit.

The moment it was secure on my hand, I wasted no time tackling him in a hug, knocking him completely to the ground as I heard him laugh gruffly in surprise. He was lying flat on his back in the grass, and I pulled off of him slightly to place my hands delicately on the sides of his face, before kissing him deeply. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he brought me impossibly closer, squeezing my sides gently as his hands slowly traveled down toward my hips, only bringing me in deeper.

I was so happy I couldn't even think properly, all I could fathom was how I would be with the love of my life forever. I then pulled away briefly to plant multiple kisses on his lips and he couldn't help but chuckle as he kissed me back every time. Catching my breath as I laughed blissfully, I stopped and really looked at him, as he did the same with me. He noticed a few tears slipped from my eyes and took his thumbs to gently wipe them away.

"Are ya happy?" he asked shyly.

I shook my head at how ridiculous he was, "Are you kidding me? Happy doesn't even begin to describe it...I love you so much."

His smile only got bigger, "I love you so much," he kissed me again, "I was so nervous." he confessed.

I laughed lightly, "Why? You thought I would say no?" I asked.

"Nah, but I was nervous I would fuck up on what to say."

I shook my head in reassurance, "It was perfect." I whispered, leaning in to kiss him once more.

He smiled against my lips but quickly pulled away, "Hold on now, the surprises ain't over yet." he smirked.

I raised one of my eyebrows as I looked down at him, "You really are pregnant, aren't you?" I asked again.

He flicked my nose in mock annoyance as he scoffed, "No. I just gotta take ya somewhere else." he finished with a chuckle.

"Well then, lead the way." I spoke.

He took my hand once again helping me stand to my feet before leading me deeper in the woods. We were both so giddy while walking to the destination, barely being able to keep our hands off of each other. Words could not express how happy I was in that moment; I couldn't even begin to describe it.

There honestly was a part of me that thought Daryl and I would never get married, simply because we were in the apocalypse, and that was something that couldn't really happen anymore. Though I was perfectly okay with that as long as I still had him no matter what, and up until this point I thought Daryl felt the same way. That is until he told me how much he loved me and placed a ring on my left hand.

My thought process then stopped suddenly when I lifted our intertwined hands up to get a better look at the ring, too focused on the things Daryl was saying to me to care, but it was truly beautiful. It was a simple silver band with a teardrop shaped diamond in the middle, with another two small diamonds on either side of it.

The man grew nervous again the second he caught me looking at it more intently, "I hope ya like the ring, I wasn't sure-"

"I love the ring," I assured, "But I love you even more. So it doesn't matter to me what it looks like, as long as it's from you."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss me again, until we heard the familiar snarls of three walkers coming at us from the other side of the trees. We both looked at each other and rolled our eyes in annoyance seemingly at the same time before getting our weapons and killing them with ease.

We then took each other's hands once more and kept walking all the way up until Daryl covered my eyes again, causing me to laugh and shake my head at the so called "dramatic affect." We only walked a few more feet before his hands left my face to reveal where we were, seeing a small cabin come into view.

"When did you find this?" I asked turning to look at him.

"On a run with Michonne. We came across it, I thought it'd be perfect for tonight." he said.

I raised my eyebrows, "We're staying here tonight?"

"Well yeah...I think we should be alone on our weddin night, don't you?" he asked with a sweet smile.

I thought for a moment as I nodded, "Yeah, I guess we are pretty much married now, aren't we?"

He nodded as we turned to make our way up the stairs of the porch and towards the front door. I opened it slowly to take a peek inside but before I could step through the door, I was being lifted off my feet by Daryl who began chuckling behind me as I yelped in surprise. He picked me up bridal style and walked through the front door before putting me back down on my feet gently. I couldn't help but laugh at the cheesy tradition, but I loved it.

"Did you just carry me across the threshold?" I asked with raised brows.

He began to look nervous, "Yeah...that's what yer supposed to do...right?"

I began to laugh lightly, "You're adorable." I muttered as I kissed his cheek, "Yes honey, it's a thing."

That calmed his nerves a bit and sent me a smirk, "Good. I uh, cleaned up the room to the left" he said as he gestured in the direction down the small hallway.

I nodded in response before making my way over towards the room and pushed the door open fully. My mouth dropped a little as I saw how clean the room was, feeling Daryl squeeze my shoulder gently as he passed me to light a few candles that were on either nightstand by the bed. I watched as he stuck his tongue out a little while he took out his lighter, focusing to not burn himself as he successfully lit them and placed them back. My eyes continued to follow him as he made his way over to the corner of the room, pulling out two glasses and some wine.

He sat himself on the bed and began to open it, but then noticed that I was still stuck in the doorway, easily catching the smirk he sent me. "Come on," he nodded towards the bed, "I don't bite... unless ya want me to." he winked.

My eyes narrowed at him as a smirk was brought to my face, slowly making my way into the room to sit next to him on the bed, "You...managed to do all of this?" I asked.

He looked up, "What do ya mean?"

"I mean the flowers, the field, the proposal...the cabin, the candles, the wine." The list really went on and on. "You put a lot of thought into this and...I'm just falling more and more in love with you."

"Good." he said simply as he finally got the cork out with a loud pop, "Mean's my evil plan's workin" he joked before pouring the wine into the glasses, "But it ain't much."

"Yes, it is," I argued, "It's all so amazing, I wouldn't want it any other way." I spoke as I placed my hand on his arm.

He handed me my glass, "I wanted it to be special. M' glad ya love it darlin."

I smiled at him and held my glass up slightly as he followed my actions, "To...forever together." I toasted.

"Forever together." he echoed, moving his glass to gently collide with mine before we both took a sip of the semi bitter liquid.

I hummed as the taste hit my tongue, before setting my glass back on the floor, "So, tell me...why did you want us to be alone on our wedding night?" I asked with a smirk.

He swallowed hard as he too set his glass down on the floor, "So I can show ya how much I'll love ya forever. Show ya how committed I am to ya til my last damn day on this earth."

I was taken aback for a moment at his words as they seemed so unlike him, but they made me feel intensely warmer inside as I scooted closer to him, "And how do you do that?" I whispered.

He followed my actions as he inched closer, "By kissing ya here," he left a small but heated kiss on my neck, "and here," he moved up to place a kiss on my jawline, "and...here." he moved to finally plant a kiss on my lips.

It started out as soft, gentle, but then quickly deepened as we wrapped our arms around each other, pushing ourselves closer to one another. I easily slipped my tongue in between his lips, and he didn't protest one bit as I explored every inch of his mouth hungerly. My teeth maneuvered to bite his lower lip gently, hearing him groan in approval as his hands began to explore every part of me, feeling him give my hips a tight squeeze.

I began to play with the hair on the back of his head, feeling the heat radiating off of him as he was getting more and more antsy. My hands then traveled across both of his shoulders, helping him remove his angel winged vest, tossing it carelessly to the floor before frantically moving to work on the buttons on his shirt. His mouth never left mine as he didn't hesitate to follow my lead, his fingers working down to get my shirt off as well, breathing heavily in anticipation.

I finally undid the last button after what felt like an eternity, pulling away momentarily to fully take it off of him and leaning in close to leave light kisses down his neck. He tilted his head back involuntary as he let out a heavy breath, ravishing in every second of pleasure. I then moved up closer and straddled his hips in one swift motion, kissing him deeply once again as my mouth crashed clumsily against his, feeling his rough hands begin to glide up my back.

I tangled my fingers in his hair, grasping it lightly as his hands moved up to unclasp my bra, moving the straps slowly down my arms as I helped him fully remove it. He threw it to the ground where our clothes seemed to be piling up, his mouth moving down to my neck desperately, biting and sucking lightly. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips as he smirked against my sensitive skin, knowing exactly what he was doing. His lips then only moved down lower, nearing the spot where I needed him the most when he suddenly spoke, his voice sending vibrations through me.

"I love ya so much." he whispered against my skin.

"I love you more." I breathed, hardly able to get the phrase out before my head was in the clouds once again.

He then didn't hesitate to wrap his lips around one of my nipples, sucking lightly as one of his hands came up to gently massage the other. My head involuntary tilted back at the feeling, a soft moan leaving my parted lips as I could feel his mouth getting more and more eager. He groaned against me in response, wiggling his tongue around my breast before letting it go with a small pop, shifting his head to the other.

A wave of pure ecstasy washed over me as my eyes fluttered, giving his hair another gentle tug as some kind of signal not to stop. He got the hint almost immediately, picking up his pace ever so slightly, causing me to squirm in his hold as if his mouth was somehow magic. His tongue then darted out to lick across the entirety of my chest, treating my skin as if it was as sweet as candy. My hips rocked against him in response to his actions, but that apparently was all he needed to send him completely over the edge.

His hands immediately reached down to fumble with the button of my jeans, his movements quick and sloppy, "Get these off." he nearly growled, his lips leaving another kiss across my boobs, "Come on." he breathed pleadingly.

It was clear to me that the two of us were simply too eager for each other to wait any longer, and I for one didn't need to be told twice.

I quickly scrambled off his lap to stand on my now shaking legs, my fingers unbuttoning my jeans and peeling them off my legs as I heard him undo his belt buckle from right in front of me. I kicked the fabric off my ankles, not even bothering to remove my thong before I moved back up to straddle over his hips again. He didn't even get a chance to say a word before I crashed my lips against his once more, kissing him clumsily as I could feel him trying to free himself from his pants.

I couldn't help but gasp softly into his mouth as I felt the tip of his dick barely brush up against me, his hand moving down to gently tug my thong to the side. He then gave me no time to recover before he took himself in his hand, sliding his tip up and down my slit in a slow, teasing manner. My hands moved up to grip his shoulders, a pleasurable breath leaving my lips as my face still hovered close to his, silently begging him for more. But he was clearly enjoying the feeling of me quiver, enjoying the soft sounds I was letting out as I could feel the small smirk creep onto his face as his movements didn't falter.

A moan then erupted from my mouth as I felt him begin to swirl circles along my clit, causing me to grow even more desperate than I was before. "Please." I whispered as my lips moved to kiss along his cheek, "I need you...please..."

I felt his cheeks move up a little as he smiled, "I need ya too baby." he said sweetly, before finally ending the torture he created.

His dick then moved down to hover by my entrance, before slowly pushing himself into me inch by inch, giving us both what we desperately needed. It was like we both simultaneously tilted our heads back with parted lips and tightly shut eyes, our breathing erratic as he continued to push himself further inside me. My grip on his shoulders tightened as he stayed still for a moment, stuffing me completely as blissful sighs echoed around the quiet room as we savored every moment.

But then he started to move, pulling his length out almost completely, before shoving himself back inside me in one slow motion. I moaned breathlessly as I lowered my head to rest in the crook of his neck, feeling him move again as he gradually eased me into it. His pace slowly but surely began to pick up, slapping himself into me as he groaned from the pleasure, hitting that sweet spot inside me with every pass. My mind was clouded, everything around me slowly fading into nothing as I focused on him and him alone.

My hips then slowly began to match his rhythm, bringing myself down on top of him to mimic his movements, causing an even louder groan to escape him at the feeling. We both began panting, our chests heaving up and down, my nails now digging into the skin on his shoulders as I moaned loudly. His hands gripped my hips a little tighter as a low rumble bubbled in the back of his throat, sweat beginning to pool on his forehead as he thrusted in and out of me.

I could slowly feel my high creeping up, the familiar warmth pooling in my stomach as my lungs almost burned now with how fast I was breathing in anticipation. Daryl quickly seemed to catch onto how close I was, keeping his pace exactly the same as he couldn't be far from his either, breathing just as deeply as I was as he focused so hard on my own pleasure rather than his. His hands then quickly moved up to the sides of my face as he continued to pound into me, bringing his lips to mine as he kissed me sloppily, his tongue darting out to taste me.

"I love you..." he breathed in between kisses, "I love you." he repeated over and over again.

I wanted to respond, I wanted to tell him just how much I loved him, but I was slowly losing my ability to speak. My moans and whimpers only grew louder as I was getting even closer to the edge, my nails digging even further into his skin.

"I know baby...I know." Daryl mumbled as if he was able to read my mind, thrusting even further into me as he tickled that sweet spot that ultimately causing me to crumble, bringing us both to that familiar incredible high.

The remainder of that night was filled with lots of soft kisses, and even more praising phrases in between. We've had our fair share of these moments in the past, but yet somehow this one felt so different. It's like as soon as that ring was placed on my finger, a whole new definition of love was brought right before my eyes. And it was something that I could definitely get used to. This night was the greatest night of my life, filled with pure bliss and happiness for the one man I loved more than anything.

~ Thanks for reading! (Finally, we have a smut scene;) Oh and they're married, yay!)

Taglist - @justareader95 @hayley1998 @welcumetomyescape @ryoujoking @sipsthecoffee @winterassassin1804

[satureja13]

Ji Ho was devastated after he tried to kill Vlad. All these overwhelming feelings are hitting Ji Ho hard anyway, and now this on top of it. Jack told him again and again that nothing was his fault and now, that they finally threw this spell back to sender, nothing stands between Vlad and Ji Ho's future full of love and affection anymore... But Ji Ho felt as if two fists were gripping him. One around his throat, slowly pressing shut. And the other one trying to mash his heart. Jack didn't know what else to do and dragged him to the pool to help him calm down. Distraction is Jack's solution for everything ^^'

Meanwhile, Sai and Vlad put Jeb and Kiyoshi to bed. They are still feeling dazed after their protection spells were dodged by Ji Ho's grandfather. Gladly, Jeb and Kiyoshi are not the only members of their group with healing powers. And even though it was a magical damage, which cannot be cured that easily, Vlad tried his best and he's really hopes they are going to wake up again soon. He has no idea what to do with Sai should anything had happened to Jeb ö.ö Sai is near his next breakdown anyway... It's all too much for him.

Ji Ho really calmed down a bit. They sat at the pool. Ji Ho still can't let go: "I can't believe my grandfather was able to make me try to kill Vlad. How are we supposed to move on from this? And after all the other things that had happened between us? How?" Jack: "Don't underestimate Vlad and his love. I've seen how he still looks at you. And don't underestimate your Bond. It's still there - and it's still strong. Don't forget you two bonded after that spell. Just trust it, hm?"

*then he laughed*: "And Vlad had time getting used to your attacks..." Jack snapped his mouth shut. Uh-oh. He shouldn't have said that. Ji Ho doesn't know about the other attack - when Vlad was hidden in that mannequin! Jack just hopes Ji Ho didn't notice ö.ö He and his damn unstoppable snout! But Ji Ho did notice: "Attacks? When else did I attack..." And then Ji Ho remembered that there was something odd with that mannequin in the Dark Arts Classroom. And how it trembled after the attack. And how Vlad wasn't with them for almost a day... And then the fists smashed his heart and crushed his throat.

Ji Ho started to cry and none of Jack's distraction puppy strategy attempts succeeded this time. So he called Sai and Vlad for help. Sai: "Is this your fault?" There's no way to deny it... Jack can't stand seeing Ji Ho cry: "Eh yes. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to upset him. Can you please tell him that everything will be fine and that we've all been through hard times and found back together again? Please stop crying, Ji Ho! Look, Kiyoshi and me! Do you remember when I tried to kill him because I thought he tortured Sai and me at the lab? And now we're best mates! Nothing can get in between us! Not even the fact we accidently woohooed!" And Jack kept on talking himself deeper and deeper into trouble. Jack: "And it didn't even stop Vlad from loving you that he died when he tried to save you! And Sai and Jeb are together again even after Sai had a relationship with Kiyoshi and Jeb refuses to woohoo Sai because he thinks he'll hurt him!"

Well, this did distract Ji Ho from his downward spiral into utter desolation. Ji Ho looked at Sai and Vlad who were about to burst from anger: "Eh, Jack. Better run."

They can't run far from the Villa. Some members of the Council might still be around and they surely won't leave Ji Ho, Jeb and Kiyoshi unprotected. No matter how much they want Jack dead. So they just ran rounds and rounds around the estate... And if Super Soldier Jack weren't that fast, this time, Sai would have really hit him!

An hour or two later, after they checked on Jeb and Kiyoshi upstairs, they sat at the pool again. Sai's anger faded into his weighty responsibilty as their leader: "We need to inform the Resistance about what happened *he sighed* and to ask for a loan to pay off our tuiton at Verdantis. After Kiyoshi and Jeb wake up, we are going to head over to Hummelshain Castle and look if Ms Coombes or one of the others currently resides there." Vlad laughed: "Sai, we're back in the Mundane World. These little devices, who help you talk to people that are far away, are a thing here. They are called phones ;)" Sai: "Omg, I'm so through! Phones!" To his defense: they've been in the Otherworld and beyond the Veil without phone reception for around ten months ^^'

So Sai dug out his phone from the dephts of his inventory and called Ms Coombes. After Sai gave her a rough overview on the happenings and carefully touched the money problem, she told him she'll call over athena, who is the treasurer of the Resistance, and that they'll meet at the Castle tomorrow afternoon to discuss everything. Ms Coombes (over the line): "Make yourself a nice time until then. You've been through a lot. And don't worry to go out. Principal Prescott and the others left in a hurry a few hours ago :3 "

'I cannot say it. I want you, a bit little more. Really, do you think so? I’d like to touch you, but the more I get near to you, the more I do not recognize you. Really, does it happen to you, too?

Shall I give you a phone call or not? Shall I give you a phone call or not? I won’t surrender for first Why won’t you call me? Why won’t you call me? Who knows who’s gonna win!'

'Io non riesco a dirlo. È che ti vorrei soltanto un po' di più. Anche tu? Io vorrei toccarti ma più mi avvicino e più non so chi sei. Anche tu? Ti telefono o no, ti telefono o no? Io non cedo per prima. Mi telefoni o no, mi telefoni o no? Chissà chi vincerà?'

Gianna Nannini - Fotoromanza

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Who killed Jack?' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-28

[lily-janus]

The Art Of Letting Go

my first order for The Sleepy Bean Fanfic Cafe' on @tsspromptmonth this is for @edupunkn00b who wanted, a time travel AU with only one bed, time loops and any characters as long as we've got Logan in there. Hope you like it!

summary: Janus struggles with letting go of his husband Characters: Logan, Janus, a little bit of Virgil Relationships: romantic Loceit Word count: 1,506 Trigger warnings: car crash/car accident, death, grief, lots of angst, let me know if I missed anything.

Janus opened his eyes slowly, blinking as he got used to the light streaming from the window. Yesterday’s events returned to his mind slowly…

There was a car accident and... Logan is dead… his husband  is dead…

That can't be true… it couldn’t be true.

There was a knock on the door and Janus called the person in as he grappled with the reality of things. Logan was- standing in front of him?

Janus stared at the person standing next to the foot of his bed, Logan… and did he look younger?

Logan let out a sigh, “I know I'm the last person you want to see right now… but you haven't been to school for three days now, I had to check on you”

Three days? School? This felt familiar, a memory? A dream?

“I'm sorry about what I said, I know we always fight but I shouldn't have gone as far as I did” Logan stood there awkwardly, waiting for Janus to respond.

Janus then remembered this, during high school, Logan and him always fought, always trying to best one another... one fight went different though, Logan seemed more on edge and snapped at Janus harshly.

Rather conveniently, Janus got sick right after and didn't show up to school the next day, Logan felt guilty and came to Janus' house to apologize... that was the first time they really talked with each other.

The first step on the road that will eventually lead to them falling in love and getting married.

How is he back here? Was he dreaming? He pinched himself as hard as he could... and nothing happened. Odd.

"Janus?" Logan's voice snapped him back to the present... well the past that's apparently his present again?

Janus smiled, young Logan looked so cute and adoringly awkward, surely it couldn't hurt to stay here a while before trying to figure out what's happening, right?

Logan blushed, "what? You only smile at me when you're laughing at me, I don't think I did anything that can be mocked-"

"You actually think I didn't come to school for 3 days, because of our little fight? Oh honey, give me some credit, I know I can be petty but even I have a limit." He smirked.

Logan looked confused, adorable, "why else would you-"

"I'm sick, Pointdexter, as shocking as it may seem, not everything is about you." Janus teased, knowing full well how selfless Logan tends to be.

He cleared his throat, embarrassed, "ah... I see, I shall leave you to recover then." He went to leave and Janus hesitated for a second.

"...I could use company though." 

Logan stopped and turned around, frowning, "my company? You really are sick."

Janus chuckled, "indeed I am, I might not make it, would you deny a dying man's wish?"

Logan rolled his eyes, "you're not dying, Janus, but if you truly want me here... I guess I don't mind."

They spent the rest of the day together, talking, drinking tea, reading next to each other.

This was perfect, Janus almost never wanted it to end as he went back to sleep.

He woke up the next day, blinking against the light and hearing a soft knock on his door.

Logan walked in, why was he still so awkward? They spent all of yesterday together...

Logan let out a sigh, “I know I'm the last person you want to see right now… but you haven't been to school for three days now, I had to check on you”

What? That was exactly what he said yesterday...

"Logan? We already talked about this-"

"I know I said some awful things... I crossed the line, I didn't mean to go so far." Logan continued, as if he didn't hear Janus.

"Logan? I'm sick, remember? We spent all of yestarday together?"

"Ah... I see, I shall leave you to recover then." He said, as if only hearing the first part.

Something was wrong here wasn't it? They just had this exact conversation... or did they? Logan doesn't seem to remember and his memory is flawless...

Janus shrugged off the weird feeling, asking Logan to stay again, and they spent another perfect day together.

Except... the same thing happened the next day, and the day after that... what was happening?

"Logan, what's happening?" Janus tried to ask when the day started the same for the 6th time.

"Oh dear, are you sick? Is that why you didn't come to school? ...well that's embarrassing... guess I should leave then..."

Janus was starting to freak out now, "I'll come with you!" He jumped out of bed, grabbing Logan's hand and dragging him outside. 

The moment he opened the front door, however, he woke up in his bed again, Logan knocking softly on the door to his room.

This can't be happening... was he trapped? For how long?

...does it matter?

Logan is right here... why would he want out? What does life have to offer him without-

He shoved the thought away, knowing it'll lead to pain. No, even if he was trapped, he didn't want to leave... he's not ready to let him go... he just can't...

"Come in" he called his future husband in, he can stay here forever...

-------------------------------------------------

Logan felt... stuck, and he couldn't place why. He just came to Janus' house to apologize, they may not like each other but he never meant to hurt him.

But... didn't he do that already? He looked at the date, no he definitely wasn't here yesterday, he was sure of it.

The strange Deja-vu feeling persisted, however, despite all the facts pointing at it being the first time he came here.

He was walking to Janus' house to apologize, he never meant to hurt him despite their differences. But he couldn't shake off the feeling of something being extremely wrong. 

All the facts checked out, however, so he couldn't fathom what could be wrong...

He was walking to Janus' house to... to apologize...

Why could he hear a car crash?

...he never liked Janus much but he never intended to hurt him...

Distant ambulance sirens

...he- he needs to apologize to set things right...

Pain... he could feel pain everywhere...

"Come in!" Janus called from inside and Logan walked in. He looked at Janus and began apologizing.

Janus' face, struck with grief and shock...

...he's... he's not supposed to be here, does he?

"Janus? ...where are we?"

Janus froze, turning slowly to look at Logan, "...at my house of course, you came to check on me and-"

"Janus." He cut him off firmly but gently, "you know that's not what I meant... I'm... I'm gone, aren't I? in the process at least."

"You don't have to be...! You... WE could stay here... for... for as long as we want!" Janus grabbed his hands firmly, as if fearing he'll slip away.

Logan smiled softly as his husband, shaking his head, "you know this is wrong, Jan... you have to let me go."

Janus shook his head frantically, "no... no, no, no! I can't... I'm not strong enough... please I..  let's just stay... please!" He buried his face in Logan's chest, clinging to him desperately.

Logan brushed his hand over his husband's hair gently, "have I ever told you when was the first time I realized my feelings for you?"

Janus shook his head without looking up, crying, his tears staining Logan's shirt.

"We were on our way to meet our friends for a vacation, there was a storm and my car broke down, we had to walk in the rain for the nearest motel and, of course, the only room available there had only one bed. I would have offered to sleep on the floor but it was cold so we had to sleep together to keep each other from freezing."

"I remember that, the next morning I told you"

"Don't get used to it" they said in unison, then chuckled, Janus finally looking up to meet his eyes.

"That morning I realized... I liked waking up next to you." Logan said, "you'll always have these memories, Jan, and our friends will help you. You'll get through this, I know you will. I love you."

"I love you too... so much... I don't know what I'll do without you.." Janus said.

Logan felt himself slipping away and smiled, "you'll figure it out, you were always the smartest of us two." And with that, he disappeared forever, his consciousness finally letting go.

---------------------------------------------

Janus watched his husband disappear, and his surroundings soon after.

Next thing he knew, he was in his room... their room, blinking away tears. A knock came from his door and a tiny part of him still hoped it was Logan.

But, of course if wasn't, Virgil walked in instead.

"Hey... you've been hold up in your room since the funeral... how you holding up?"

Janus broke down, tears streaming down his face as Virgil went to hug him tight, "I've been better..."

But he'll get through it... he has to, he promised Logan.

[kjthenbee]

On the lack of major "heart eyes" moments from Ed this season

So one thing that I've been noticing this season that kind of bothered me at first, but that I now think may be intentional acting on Taika's part, is that something about the way Edward has been behaving around Stede since they reunited strikes me as being much more distant compared to S1 Ed. Like Rhys is out here playing Stede as the most genuinely head-over-heels in love we've ever seen him, meanwhile Edward "Heart Eyes" Teach seems very emotionally reserved around Stede, and you can see it in his face.

Like yes, Ed still clearly gives Stede affectionate looks, but he isn't giving him those blatant heart eyes like he did all of S1. Like I especially don't think we've seen him look at Stede in the same way he did post-S1E9 beach kiss yet. We've gotten some moments close to it, such as after the "I love everything about you" conversation in S2E4, and when Ed is watching Stede run into the forest in that same episode. But during the moonlight kiss in S2E5, he seems pretty reserved emotionally, and when you see that last shot of Ed before Stede closes the curtains in S2E6, he doesn't look very thrilled.

Interestingly, the one time I noticed where Ed did give off a very similar "god I genuinely love you so much" look was not even with actual Stede - it was when he saw MerStede in the gravy basket.

Overall, this lack of Edward "heart eyes" moments has made a lot of the romantic scenes post-S2E4 feel just a tiny bit off to me, and I think that's the point. It makes sense that Edward still seems distant and guarded around Stede. He was hurt very badly when Stede left him, and he still needs time to truly trust him again (hence "taking things slow").

Another thing I'd like to add is that in both S2E6 and S2E7, Stede and Ed refer to each another as "my friend" (Stede to Ned Low, Ed to the people at the crab shack). Sure, other people refer to them as boyfriends, but they don't refer to each other as boyfriends. My husband and I were just talking about this, and he thinks that this is one hundred percent intentional on the writers' end. Stede and Ed may have talked in S2E4, but they still haven't talked enough. They're still not being mature about their relationship. They were "together" again for a bit, yes, but were they ever actually together? Like did they ever have a conversation to establish the nature of their relationship? Stede even said that their relationship could be "whatever they want it to be" during that last argument in S2E7, which struck me as odd, because it just makes their entire relationship sound very vague.

They both need to come together, talk, and be honest with each other. They love each other deeply, yes, but Edward has been hurt and is still recovering, while Stede is focusing on becoming the badass pirate that he thinks everyone (including Ed, as we saw from Stede's dream in S2E1) wants him to be, even though it's not who he really is at all, nor is it the person who Edward originally fell in love with. They need to come to an agreement that their relationship is a committed one, and they need to recognize that true love requires compromise, communication, and listening to your partner to truly stand the test of time.

SPOILERS FOR S2E8 (talking about brief clips shown in the teaser + clips seen in some BTS ads)

The heart eyes actually do seem like they are going to make a reappearance in the season finale based on some of the clips of Ed and Stede we've seen from S2E8 - particularly the ones where Ed and Stede are holding each other on the beach. The way Edward is looking at Stede in this scene actually does look like a genuine Edward "Heart Eyes" Teach moment to me. Just something I thought was interesting.

[toujokaname]

Card shuffle / Episode 2

Author: Akira

Characters: Rinne, Tatsumi, Aira, Mayoi

"Why'd you change so much, Rinne-senpai?"

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Winter

Location: Training Room

Rinne: Anyway, yeah.

For that reason, we've been dragged into this fateful (?) showdown (pfft) between ALKALOID and Crazy:B! Talk about being saddled with a stupid plan!

Honestly, it's a royal pain in the ass to deal with, since it was clearly cooked up by some moron who doesn't know jack about us.

You guys aside, we Crazy:B are still at a disadvantage in ES 'cause of what we did in the summer. We reap what we sow, but still?

Apparently, ES wants to make this Matrix thing into a big event that'll mark the end of their first year of existence—

And we gotta do our best to hype it up, right?

If we disobey, well, you guys may be fine, but we might actually get the boot this time.

Can't say I'm thrilled about caving in to threats, but... Really, what has ES ever done for us?

Did they actually think we'd be all like "oh, yay, we're so pumped to work for ES!" with stars in our eyes? That nonsense's fine in dreams, but they need a reality check already, hm?

Tatsumi: ...You've been harsher than usual for a while now. Rinne-san, do you have any particular thoughts on this plan?

Though it's admittedly a flawed project, I'd consider it an honor to be entrusted with a major event.

Will this, too, be made fun of as a model answer from a goody-two-shoes?

Rinne: Ahh... Well, no need to worry 'bout that.

It's just that, back when I was an idol under my own name, there was a lot going on.

Aira: ...?

Rinne: Anyway, seems like ES is dead set on having ALKALOID and Crazy:B duke it out no matter what.

Tatsumi: Yes... It appears they want to create that kind of wrestling match atmosphere.

Aira: In reality, we're not even on bad terms... I mean, we had some issues in the summer, but honestly, we barely cross paths at work.

Mayoi: Our target audiences are completely different... The so-called issues in the summer largely revolved around aiding Hiiro-san's efforts to stop Rinne-san from going on a rampage.

From a personal standpoint, we harbor no ill will towards Crazy:B.

Aira: Though we're at least aware of each other, since we debuted at the same time.

If anything, Crazy:B's constant blunders make us look better in comparison, so it's kinda handy.

Rinne: Mhm, mhm. But see, that's a problem for ES! They really want us to be archenemies!

And that's when the focus turned to me and Otouto-kun. We're blood-related brothers, each leading Crazy:B and ALKALOID.

"The Amagi brothers have always had a bad relationship, and they formed their units just to spite each other—"

Something like that. Seems they wanna make a scandalous scenario that the public's gonna eat right up.

Aira: Even though you and Hiro-kun actually seem rather close... I mean, for some reason, he weirdly looks up to such a scumbag of an older brother.

Rinne: Oi, oi, don't call me a scumbag. If I'm not the "foul-mouthed character" type, fans might get disappointed.

Aira: Every once in a while, you put on airs of a snobby senior idol...

Anyway, I think I get the gist of it?

ES wants to create a scenario where Hiro-kun and Rinne-senpai are at odds 'cause it fits their script.

Rinne: Right, right. That's why I became ALKALOID's leader this time as part of that scenario.

We'll swap units temporarily to prove ourselves and brag about beating our sibling.

So, for example, what happens if I make ALKALOID more successful than it was when Otouto-kun was leading?

It'd prove I'm better than Otouto-kun, yeah?

That's the kinda thing the fictional Rinne Amagi-kun would say.

ES always wants to play the poor victims being pushed around by that kinda selfish idol, huh? Gyahahahaha! ☆

Even if this plan backfires, ES can still escape responsibility. Maaan, I've gotta hand it to ES, still as shitty as ever ♪

Aira: Such a foul mouth... Yet you're the one telling off others... Isn't that why you're hated and forced into these harassment projects?

Rinne: I keep harping on the same thing over and over, but I'm totally fine being "that kinda character."

Aira: When you first debuted, you were more of a pure, orthodox idol... Why'd you change so much, Rinne-senpai?

Rinne: ......

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Sometimes the Adaptation is the Book, Actually...

So, as I'm sure more than a few of you did, I enjoyed the heck out of Jill Bearup's fantasy heroin YouTube shorts series. And as I'm sure many of us have experienced, YouTuber books can be...distinctly hit-or-miss in terms of quality. So when Bearup announced that she was adapting the shorts series into an actual book, I was willing to give it a shot when it came out. So in Bearup's own tier list terms, I'd give this book a pretty good. Strong concept, a lot to like...but the TYPESETTING, my god. Let's talk Just Stab Me Now.

This is your spoiler warning for a book that has been EXTREMELY hyped on YouTube, and one who's story has already been told on YouTube. Here there be Spoilers.

So normally I like to start with the things I like about a book, but since I liked so much about this book and the one thing that I didn't like could have stopped me cold, we're going to start with the one thing that I think was actually bad. The typesetting.

To be clear: Bearup was extremely clear that using different fonts and margins to delineate between Caroline's world, the fantasy world, and Caroline's mind where she interacts with the fantasy characters was a considered, intentional choice. That's valid, and there is nothing inherently wrong with making that choice. It's also well done in the book, like it's consistent and well put together.

That said: Oh my god you guys, I hated it. It took me the first fifty-odd pages to get used to it, and even then, it AGGRESSIVELY snapped my editor brain's bra strap. I seriously considered putting the book down because of the typesetting, which would have been a crying shame because I really enjoyed the book overall. This might not bother some readers, but it was nearly a dealbreaker for me, so I wanted to mention it as a "your mileage may vary" kind of thing.

Other than that though, I think this book did a pretty solid job of adapting the fantasy heroine shorts into a full-blown novel.

Caroline Lindley is very much helicopter parenting her fictional characters, and the fact that they are by turns bemused and cranky about this is very fun throughout the novel. I also like that we get a lot more of Caroline in the novel than we did in the shorts series. Her story was just as compelling as Rosamund and Leo's, and I quite enjoyed having the extraordinarily modern cybersecurity subplot to balance the fantasy setting as well. I wasn't expecting that to work as well as it did, but thematically it resonated quite well, and I like the acknowledgement that while we don't use swords and political marriages so much these days, it's not like we've STOPPED having enemies and needing to protect ourselves, our homes, and our families. The relationship between modernity and "no particular historical era" in terms of thematic connections was really well done.

The general added depth to all the characters was also excellent, since we had time and space for characterization that the shorts series had to skim over for time. We really felt Rosamund's grief in the book, Leo had way more personality (and I loved that) and some of the plot stuff was smoothed and fleshed out in some really interesting ways. The caladrius was actually an inspired touch, and it tied together a bunch of slightly odd things in the series in a really elegant way. It also gave Baron Mabry and George an interesting parallel too, since they were both screwing over people for financial gain. The methods might be different, but the heart of the crimes and the harm they do are fairly universal.

As a writer, I also ADORED the conceit of Caroline being absolutely out of control in her process. She was trying SO HARD to write a standard enemies-to-lovers romantasy and literally nothing could get her plot or characters there. Every writer has been there, every writer has had little breakdowns over the story just not freaking doing what you tell it to, and there was something deeply vindicating about it. I loved the personification of the writing process.

This book also had a little bit of that Princess Bride feel where it is both a send-up of romance tropes and a deeply respectful nod to them. I don't know that pastiche is the right word here, but neither does parody seem to be, and I think we need a word for this writing mood, where you're both deconstructing and reiterating a series of tropes. I don't have a word for it, but this is a thing that pops up periodically (periodic because it's genuinely hard to do well; lean too far to one side or the other and it flops catastrophically) and we should name it.

Overall, for a book from a YouTuber--especially one who rather famously discovered halfway through the process that she does not enjoy writing fiction--I was pleasantly surprised by this book, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Bearup has told us not to expect a sequel, so I won't...but if one materialized in the future, I'd read it!

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What do you think the relationship between Aegon and Aemond will be like next season? Some people think they'll be working together and getting closer, and some think Aemond will harm Aegon intentionally at Rooks rest and they'll be enemies

I don't know how close they'll be personally, but I do think they'll be working together. I can't see how Aemond would harm Aegon intentionally, since that causes a lot of problems for their faction, and as people pointed out when Aemond was talking about being king in ep 9, Aegon has (or is at least supposed to have) one son still alive even after Blood and Cheese, so Aemond wouldn't stand to inherent, at most he'd get what he gets anyway, the regency. Plus, having Aegon and Aemond at intense odds to the point of outright enmity would be a severe deviation from the source material, which I don't think the show is going to do because this is a prequel that does have reaching implications into the original series.

What I do expect is that their relationship is going to be turbulent. In the book, Aegon is the only one not upset at Aemond for what happened to Lucerys's boring ass, and given that in the show it's an accident that Aemond tried to prevent and is immediately remorseful about (and whose circumstances were nowhere near as calculated), I'd like to see Aegon put on his big brother hat. Try to find the bright side, and be a bit of a support for Aemond after Otto and Alicent get upset due to what Lucerys's boring death means. But then, as we all know, we've got Blood and Cheese, a really horrible event that happens as a direct result of Aemond's actions at Storm's End. It's possible that Aegon might blame Aemond, might lash out in his grief, and depending on how much Aemond might blame himself, it could cause some strife for them, though I do think there will be some level of rapprochement by the time of Rook's Rest, given that they fight together. And then after that, I don't think they're gonna get much time together, since Aegon's gonna be convalescing and Aemond's gonna be in the field.

I personally have long said I'd love them to get at high highs and low lows this season. I want Aegon to be Aemond's support after Rook's Rest, I want Aemond to try to be a comfort to Aegon in the aftermath of Blood and Cheese (wrote a whole fic about that actually), and I do want a moment at least where Aegon blames Aemond because he's grieving the loss of his child (and I want Aegon to at least punch Aemond without Aemond fighting back cuz he thinks he's earned it). I've also been very open about how I want Aegon's involvement in Rook's Rest to be a surprise to Aemond. Given how it's the first major conflict after Blood and Cheese, and how the book takes pains to point out that Meleys might have been able to win against Vhagar before Sunfyre got involved, I want Aemond to treat this as almost a kamikaze mission before big brother comes in to help save him (that quote where Tyrion talks about how he had to fight without his big brother in ASOS? yeah.....).