#we have an odd relationship and even though we've talked about it

[djarinova]

oh end of july 2024... how i miss u

[fishnapple]

How to love yourself better? A request letter from yourself. (Channelled message)

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost

Book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

1. White

Dear myself,

If I could light a fire right now, I could, just to see if that fire can compete with my light, our light. And yet I got a feeling that fire will burn brighter than us, just because it had someone to start it. But ours didn't. We stowed our fire away, our light, for fear of burning the eyes of the world? Or for fear of being engulfed in the sea of darkness outside?

Have you ever seen a solar eclipse? People gathered to watch it, a brief moment of the sun being eaten. A brief moment. Imagine how the world would be if that brief moment turned into a very long moment, an eternal one? Panic, fear, despair. We have prolonged our solar eclipse for far too long, let the Sun has its shine. Does it sound arrogant when I talk of us as the Sun? No, you should get used to it. To be the light, the be seen. Even when the Sun seems like a solitary existence on the sky, it's not, so are we.

I wanted to tell you many beautiful words, give you praises and a pat on the head. Sounds embarrassing, right? We should learn to do that more often. And then practice it with other people too, we all need it sometimes, a lot of times.

Do you know what will happen when we turn the anger on ourselves? Somehow, it will ricochet inside us and finally shoot out at other people. It's painful, for us and for them. Let's hold it in our hands, watch it breathe and stroke it gently, find where does it hurt and tend to it, then poof- it's gone. You catch anger not by throwing it around and putting it in a cage but let it heal and fly away on its own.

I'm sure that sometimes you will find yourself drowning in life, in other people's water. Losing yourself could be your worst nightmare. But you will never lose me. It's odd how we're surrounded by people but feel like we are alone in our struggle. Where did all the people go? Are they also drowning like us? In a different sea? I hope that all the seas are connected to each other so we can all find others to swim with us.

Till the next sun rise, yourself.

2. Pink

Oh, how I want to just throw away everything and run barefoot on the sand. To lie face up, watching the clouds passing by for hours. To paint the wall bright pink and yellow (this combination might hurt your eyes if you stare too long, though). But we're not a kid anymore, or so people have told us, much like how we've told ourselves, convinced ourselves to behave.

It's fascinating to watch the process of our resistance to what is taught to us. Why do we resist it so much? It feels like being gravely offended. We have our principles, and now we have to listen to others telling us what is right? What is wrong? Let me tell you, in a small whisper, it's actually nice to listen. Just listening, not obeying. It will feel like swallowing a rock. Maybe we could learn from the chickens a little, metaphorically. They swallow small rocks to aid in healthy digestion. So let's swallow some of the hard lessons.

You always like to think in concrete fashion. You try to touch your thoughts with your own hands and knead them, mould them into whatever you want. And when you're dropped into a relationship with someone, you find yourself lost that ability. It's all a jumble mess. You find your hands reaching out, grasping for something. How about the other person? Are you afraid that you will lose yourself if you hold on to them? It's fine, you won't. It's just an outdated belief that you've held on for far too long.

As we were talking about swallowing, you may want to watch what you're swallowing into your stomach, literally. Watch what you eat! Don't make yourself, ourselves suffer by bringing unhealthy things into our body. We may want to live long, you know.

Hey, if you find a dance class is too embarrassing, how about we turn off the light and dance with each other in the middle of the night. Nobody will know, but we will feel good (I'm not trying to be a flirt with myself here)

Your best friend, love.

3. Red

Make me a cup of tea, please.

Let's have a chat, just us, lying around lazily, sipping our favourite tea, imagining some weird scenarios to entertain us, playing some puzzle.

I don't have much to tell you because we talk to each other every day and I know you always try to be better for us. I love you and I'm proud of you. Let's be vain and give ourselves applause every day. Make it a pinky promise.

A reminder when you're feeling sluggish and slow, we are going to exactly where we need to be. You are guided and protected.

Keep on shining and be the little kid that runs around in the rain.

I love it when you're running wild, letting yourself, me, free, splashing colours everywhere. I just want to grab other people's hands and drag them to the dance. I love it when you're laughing, loudly, even better when you jolted others around you, oh, their surprised look, priceless.

Just be sure to take care of your body. Don't over tasking them. Work hard, play hard, but rest hard also.

Have you been thinking about going on a trip somewhere? No? Then, allow me to make a gentle request. Let me put the idea in your head. Go on, go to wherever you're thinking, there might be a surprise waiting for us, *hint: it will make our heart flutter*.

Let's make it a ritual to go on a trip every year. Let's give our mind and spirit a makeover. Dust off any tangled mess we have and prepare a space for new things to come into. I'm so excited.

It's got me thinking lately, there's this small blinking light in the back of our mind, sometimes I can see it, sometimes I can't. I want to find out what it is. It's like a signal, trying to reach us, can you feel it? Sometimes, there's this odd feeling swelling inside that you can't put your hand on and naming it. I think if we can sit still, quiet, in the dark, we could see it better. It's guiding us. To where? I got a feeling that it's somewhere deep, somewhere with a treasure, waiting for us. If we can uncover it, it will be the greatest gift that the universe has ever given us. So let's go and find it.

Love, myself.

4. Green

I have some news for you. Brace yourself for changes. They're coming, very fast, very soon. Sit yourself tight. I don't want to give spoilers, but I guess we will receive some sudden confessions or offers. What you will do with those confessions is completely your choice. You don't have to feel guilty if you don't return their feelings, my dear.

I think the way the universe is sending us this kind of surprise is telling us to reconsider our 'single' thinking mode. We have stood alone, strong and independent for so long, I think it actually makes us a little too comfortable in being alone that the thought of getting into a connection with someone can be daunting. Will we lose our freedom? What if we are dependent on them? This time, the universe is saying: 'you and your worries will not make a good journey together, break up with those worries, here, I will throw in some opportunities for you to practice '.

If you don't want romantic connection at the moment, fine, different types of connections will come. No matter what, the universe is determined to get us involved with other people. It's for our own good. I have to admit that it's hard. It's not easy to change our way of thinking and believing. So surprises will be needed.

When opportunities come, the gate is opened, we just need to receive them. Walking through the gate will feel like walking out of a confinement into the wild, lively world outside. We will be propelled into a new path that we hadn't even considered in the past. Beware of what you said in the past about how you don't want to do something, you can't imagine yourself doing something. Well, guess what, we are going to do just that, joke on us.

So, in the meantime, even if you're resisting, it's fine. Just take care of yourself, of us. Obsessive worrying can sadden our body.

Something is going away, giving space to a new energy coming in. This new energy will be softer, more loving. The harshness of the past will go away soon. Trust me.

Love, Your companion.

[thewertsearch]

I guess everyone is reacting to their parents' deaths in this arc. Dave's relationship with Bro has always been a little... complicated, so this should be a very interesting conversation.

TG: oh my fucking god […] TG: we just got done talking and agreed it would be awesome if you didnt bother me for a while […] GC: OH GC: TH4TS R1GHT GC: 1 FORGOT! TG: it was five seconds ago

Girl, get your damn timelines in order!

GC: D1D YOU LOV3 H1M D4V3? TG: no

I believe you.

There's something about the Strider brothers which I noticed a while ago, but haven't had the opportunity to talk about. This is the perfect moment to discuss it, though, because it explains a lot about why Dave is the way he is.

So - let's talk about the Strife fights.

When John first attacked his father with a hammer, I decided to roll with the assumption that this fight was symbolic, rather than literal. John loves his dad, and it can be safely assumed that he doesn't want to kill the guy.

Instead, this scene serves as a stand in for the familial strife between father and son. John finds his father's parenting style to be mildly frustrating, and their interactions sometimes feel like a fight to him.

Likewise, Rose (probably) isn’t actually going for Mom with those needles. Instead, their fight represents Mom’s 'ironic' negligence, and the gifts that Rose refuses to believe are from the heart. The Lalonde relationship is clearly more fraught than the Egbert one, but I don't think Rose actually wants to skewer Ms Lalonde.

Jade doesn't really fight her Grandpa, but their Strife clearly demonstrated how deeply in-denial she is - not about his death, but about the fact that her life isn't normal. She's desperately trying to have the same childhood that John and Rose are describing, but she can't, because she doesn't have a parent to bicker with.

Now, I'm sure you've guessed where I'm going with this. What, exactly, did Dave's Strife scenes represent?

Well...

...first of all, it's worth noting that Dave is the only Player to explicitly describe the events of his Strife to a third party. We've never heard John reminiscing about bludgeoning Dad, but Dave's constantly complaining about getting beaten up by puppets.

And - rather more worryingly - Dave is the only Player to retain his Strife injuries, even after this ostensibly 'metaphorical' fight is over.

In fact, one of those Strife injuries still marks him to this day.

The point I am obviously dancing around is that I don't think Dave's Strife was a metaphor at all. Unlike his friends, there's no pretense to these fights. They're literal. Dave's brother routinely attacked him.

Odds are, this was Bro's way of 'preparing' Dave for the game he surely knew was coming - but you don't need me to tell you that he took it way too far. The guy might have been Dave's assigned Guardian, but he really shouldn't have been raising anyone.

[actualmermaid]

Since I've spent the last month-plus neck-deep in queer Christian history research, I ended up with some thoughts™️ about "classical" Western homoeroticism vs. Christian homophobia.

Liberal Christian apologetics sometimes do a very annoying thing when asked to explain the homophobia in the New Testament epistles. Because it's real, it's there, and homophobic Christians take it as the Unquestionable Word of God. So obviously we have to do something about it.

The liberal explanation tends to go something like this: "the epistle writer is talking about the abusive and exploitative homosexual acts that were common in ancient Rome, not the loving/egalitarian/mutually respectful relationships that gay people are able to have today." And it's so frustrating because there is SOME truth in this. We and Paul both know that the Greeks and Romans were notorious pederasts and slave-abusers. And that's bad! It's super bad. I do agree that Paul/the epistle writer is condemning abusive behavior using language and frameworks that would have been available to him at the time. Deciphering the social context of the epistles can get messy.

But the annoying thing is this: it is not affirming to suggest that all gay people in the past were either abusers or their victims, and "we're more enlightened now" is a lie. We are not smarter than the Greeks. We are not more civilized than the Romans. We are not more pious than the medievals. (Hello there, Roman Catholic sex abuse scandals.) And there have always been gay people who have defied all odds to have loving, egalitarian, and mutually respectful relationships with each other, even if we do not know their stories or their struggles.

This is kind of the crux of John Boswell's "controversial" thesis: gay people have always existed, even if they had to conceal themselves and their relationships behind various protective structures. (I actually haven't read any of his books yet, so I'm not going to engage too deeply with the nuances of his arguments.) When people try to dismiss him, I suspect it's because they don't notice or appreciate what he probably noticed. I have a hunch that Boswell's arguments are not super intersectional and focus mostly on the privileged sphere of people who left written records in the Middle Ages, but hey, serious LGBTQ Christian history research has to start somewhere. I'll withhold judgment for now. But I do think he was totally right about one thing: Saints Sergius and Bacchus. They were totally a gay couple until somehow proven otherwise, IMO. The reason I think he was right is because he was able to notice the "classical" aesthetics of homoeroticism in their legend even though it might not obvious to people who don't know what they're looking for. Straight people reading the legend are like "there's nothing gay about this" and gay people are like "wow, this story is pretty gay."

If you've ever looked into Western gay history, you've seen two words: erastes and eromenos. This means "lover" and "beloved," the two sides of a classical Greek pederastic relationship. The Greeks did actually recognize an age of consent and had ideals of proper behavior that regulated these relationships, but these were still usually relationships between a teenage boy and an older man, which isn't great. They also had all kinds of weird ideas about the politics of penetration and so forth. The Greeks and Romans didn't really think that two people could really be equal to each other--in any relationship, there was always one who was sort of subordinate to the other. So it was "weird" for two social equals to be in a gay relationship, as opposed to one with one partner who was already "established" and was "showing the ropes" to a younger guy who needed some wholesome manly instruction. We may not be better, smarter, or more enlightened than people in the past, but we do have the ability to critique them and try to identify the harmful behaviors that we've inherited from them, so we can do better. We've come a long way since the days of erastes/eromenos relationships, but one thing has stuck around: the classical aesthetics of a "manly guy" and an "idealized youth" in love with each other.

Apropos of nothing, here's a photo of John Boswell and his longtime partner Jerry Hart. They were within a year of being the same age.

So anyway, this brings us back to the legend of Sergius and Bacchus. The version that Boswell translated takes great pains to show how Sergius and Bacchus were equals in every way. They're both Roman officers, they're about the same age, they sing in unison, and are united in the egalitarian love of Christ. However, they are still just a little bit unequal. Sergius is of a slightly higher rank than Bacchus.

To be clear, this whole legend is a literary creation, and it's got a bunch of Byzantine propaganda in it. It's not history, it's mythology. Whoever wrote it down would have been familiar with erastes/eromenos dynamics, because these were everywhere in classical antiquity. So they made sure to specify all the ways in which Sergius and Bacchus were equals, but took a firm position in ye olde fandom top/bottom discourse.

Throughout the legend, Sergius acts, and Bacchus is acted upon. Bacchus is killed first, and Sergius is temporarily demoralized. Bacchus then appears to Sergius in a vision encouraging him to stay strong. Sergius is so steadfast that they can't torture him enough to make him recant his faith, and he is beheaded. Even straight couples are not usually said to have been reunited in heaven, but Sergius and Bacchus are.

So, knowing that Sergius is the erastes and Bacchus is the eromenos in this story, we can start to notice it in iconography too. It's not always consistent, but sometimes icons will have Sergius' cloak curling protectively over Bacchus' head, or one of them taking a slightly more "authoritative" posture, etc.

Above all, they are always depicted as true equals--sometimes they almost look like twins.

Increasingly, modern icons are being made that explicitly communicate the idea that they were a gay couple. The one on the left was created by Robert Lentz, a Franciscan friar, for Chicago Pride in 1994. The one on the right makes the classical homoerotic aesthetic super explicit, and is by far the most sexually-suggestive "traditional-style" icon I have ever seen lol. Shoutout to this artist.

So to sum up: John Boswell knew what the fuck he was talking about. Also, none of this excuses the homophobia in the Christian scriptures or the homophobia that Christians continue to perpetuate. However, knowing what to look for in art and writing helps us understand that gay people were not magically granted the ability to have egalitarian relationships in the modern world, and THAT leads us away from problematic apologetics.

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 42 ~ Wildflower Wildfire

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 4

✧ Word Count : 6.9k

In this chapter ~ A few weeks had gone by since the people of Woodbury have made themselves at home within the prison walls. All seemed to be well, everything falling into place. That is until it grew painfully obvious that Daryl had been keeping some kind of secret.

My eyes were closed contently as I felt the sun dancing on my skin, standing high on top of the watchtower, the sound of people working around me filling my ears. It was hard to believe that it had been two whole months since we brought in the people from Woodbury, but we were already growing so much as a community. More than I could've even imagined.

The gates that surrounded the prison were now fixed, as that was the first priority. Now we've moved on to planting seeds to grow vegetables, getting some classes set up for the younger kids, and having groups go out on runs almost every day to get the things we needed the most. In my opinion I think we just about nailed the system we had going on here. But most of all, I was so proud of how far everyone's come.

Rick had been doing a lot better as time went on and had officially stepped down from the whole "leader" role, leaving all the decisions we made to the council we created. He was still included in that small group, but he liked it a whole lot better than making the decisions all by himself.

His relationship with Carl had also seemed to improve immensely and Judith was only growing more and more every day. I felt relief in knowing that he was focusing more on himself and his kids, I could tell how much it lifted his spirits. And because of his better mindset, I realized that the two of us had slowly been getting closer than we ever were before, noticing how he started to look to me for a lot of the decisions that were made for the community. And though I wasn't big on making decisions, I still helped him with it, knowing it took more pressure off of his shoulders.

Though that only seemed to be the beginning, the rest of the improvements falling into place right after that. I had to admit, it was odd at first having so many new people around, people that we once hated and nearly went to war with. It was a big adjustment to get used to, but it was also one of the best ones we've ever made.

Now seeing how much we had grown together, seeing Rick's vision come to life, the one that he had held onto since the start, that's what made it all worth it to me.

The only thing that was left to really worry about now, was where exactly The Governor ran to after all the destruction he caused to his own people in the end. Daryl and Michonne were the ones most persistent on finding him, but in the end, they never found anything. I for one hoped he had just disappeared for good, not having a good enough reason to come back after losing all of his people. But the two of them were persistent, and though I respected that, a part of me just wanted to move on.

I was pulled out of my thoughts suddenly when I heard the sound of a car coming up through the gates, opening my eyes to see that it was the two very people I had been thinking about. They had returned from yet another search for the man, leaving for about three whole days this time around. Meaning I had missed them both greatly. I smiled to myself as I made my way down to greet them, trying to hide how excited I was that they were both home safe.

I quickly climbed down and headed over toward the gates, seeing that Rick had beaten me to the punch as he greeted them first, beginning to discuss if they had found anything this time around. My pace picked up the smallest bit as I saw Michonne was out of the car informing him about the potential details, while Daryl was shuffling around in the trunk, pulling out some of their belongings.

Though as soon as she caught a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye, she stopped talking and fully turned towards me with a smile, accepting the hug I gave her as I held her tightly for a moment.

"Find anything?" I asked, pulling away from her.

She shook her head in slight defeat, "Not a thing. But I know he's alive, and we're going to find him. Eventually." she said as she turned back to Rick.

"I don't know if I like how often you two go out there, we need you here too." Rick stated, "Help around with the things that still need to be done."

"We need to find him so he doesn't cause any more damage." Michonne gently argued.

He sighed, "How can you be so sure he's still alive?" 

"I just know." she said.

"She just knows." I repeated with a shrug which earned a small glare from Rick, Michonne chuckling to herself as he rolled his eyes at the two of us. It was clear he knew I would chose her side over his, especially when it came to something like this.

The trunk of the car then shut with a slam, causing my attention to break away from them, seeing Daryl slowly making his way over to us. He looked at me shyly as a smile was brought to his face, his expression being contagious as I smiled right back at him, walking the rest of the way to wrap my arms around his shoulders, briefly kissing his cheek before hugging him tight. We stood there for a few moments before I finally tried to pull away, only to be held in place by him for another few seconds, causing me to laugh quietly as he rested his chin on top of my head.

"Nothing?" I asked as I rubbed his back softly.

He sighed quietly, "Nothin." he confirmed.

I nodded my head as the news was growing more repetitive, the disappointment only growing each time I heard it. I eventually pulled back fully, seeing Rick and Michonne still deep in conversation, giving me a small opportunity to take his hand as I tugged him aside gently.

"So," I started as we slowed to a stop, "You look kind of tense...do you want to head back to our room for a bit?" I finished with a wink.

He chuckled and took my other hand, "That's tempting, but I uh...I can't. I gotta work on somethin." he said vaguely.

My brows furrowed a little, "What? You never say no to sex." I joked.

"I know, but it's kinda important...I gotta head back out for a little while. But I'll see ya later tonight, okay." he promised with a small smile, before placing a short kiss on my forehead and turning to head toward his bike.

That was something else that I might had some type of complaint about. Lately Daryl has been acting weird. Like he won't be able to look at me sometimes, get oddly nervous, acting as if we hadn't been together long enough for me to take notice at the strange behavior.

Or like just now, he'll say he has to "work on something" and completely blow me off. In my mind I would think he would want to spend time with me after he gets back, but lately that hasn't been the case. I tried to brush it off like it was nothing, but it was really starting to get to me.

I watched with a small frown as he hopped on the back of his motorcycle, starting it up quickly before driving it right back through the gates, disappearing completely down the dirt path. My brows stayed furrowed in confusion and a little disappointment as I watched him leave, before sighing softly and turning back to head towards the watch tower to finish whatever was left of my shift.

I sent Rick and Michonne a small but fake smile as I passed them, though noticing quickly how Rick's eyes darted between me and the gates Daryl just blew through, a sly smile forming on his face.

My feet stopped completely as I looked at him in suspicion, "What?" I pressed. But he only shrugged, the knowing grin on his face beginning to annoy me, "Rick." I warned.

"Nothing, nothing. You're just so pretty." he said sweetly, trying to change the subject.

I rolled my eyes with a scoff and pushed his arm lightly, "Shut up."

He chuckled from behind me as I began to walk away again, climbing back up in the watch tower to keep an eye on the trees before the sun went down. Though I tried not to let my mind wander too much about the things he could be doing, I couldn't help the pit that formed in my stomach of the unknown.

The next morning I woke up groggily, turning over with a small groan once I realized that Daryl had already left for the day. He came back late last night, dodging my questions left and right when I asked him something basic about where he was. He settled on giving me only one-word answers, trying to be short with me every time I opened my mouth.

I rolled my eyes at the empty space next to me, slowly getting up to get dressed and ready for the day. Grabbing my knife to place on my hip, I made my way through the busy, noisy cellblock to head outside for some breakfast. After grabbing a plate from Carol gratefully, I sat down in my usual spot at one of the tables as I began to pick apart my food with the plastic fork, not really feeling too hungry.

Though only seconds after I sat down, Beth quickly spotted me and took a seat across from me with a plate of her own. She seemed much more bubbly than how I was feeling, clearly waking up in a better mood as she began to talk to me cheerfully. But I listened to everything she said, trying to be polite as I continued to just push my food around mindlessly.

She went over the chores she had to get done that day along with taking care of Judith, sneaking in the slight mention of a new guy named Zach that recently joined the group. The brief mention of that made me perk up quite a bit as I began to tease her slightly from the obvious crush she had on the guy. Although she never confirmed anything with me, she would still get flustered at the mere mention of his name, her cheeks turning pink as she shushed me and changed the subject every time.

But the distraction of the conversation didn't last as long as I had hoped, with her quickly realizing what time it was, she began to finish the remaining food on her plate as fast as she could before muttering to me that she was already behind for the day.

She quickly stood back up, placing a kiss on the side of my head before running off in the other direction as fast as she could. I chuckled at her frantic, rushed words and the quick sprint as she desperately tried to make it to the children's reading time, knowing that they were surely waiting around for her patiently.

I then began to turn back towards the table, about to get up and throw my remaining food away, but something bright and colorful coming from my left caught my eye before I could even move.

My gaze moved up to see Daryl, with a big and nervous smile on his face, holding a plethora of colorful wildflowers in his hand. A slow smile made its way onto my face as I watched him walk over, my eyes only growing wider in surprise as he made it over to sit himself next to me.

"Hey." he said, before leaning in to place a soft kiss on my cheek.

My eyes brightened as he pulled away, "Hi...what's this?" I asked hesitantly as I gestured towards the huge bouquet.

He looked down, "Well, these are called flowers, and they're for you darlin." he stated proudly, his big goofy smile still plastered on his face.

My eyes narrowed a little at his smartass comment, before taking them as he handed them over to me, "They're beautiful," I said, eyeing each and every one of them as I looked closer, "Thank you, but...what's the occasion?"

He only shrugged nonchalantly, "Just cause I love ya."

I felt my smile only grow, "I love you too," I muttered, leaning in to place a quick kiss on his lips, "Where did you even find these?" I asked, pulling back momentarily again to gawk at the different variety of flowers.

"Just around," he mumbled, "You uh...got anythin important to do today?"

I glanced back up at him, "I have to clear walkers, but other than that not really."

He nodded, "Good. Why don't ya get these in some water and get ready to take a walk with me?"

"Okay..." I trailed off suspiciously, "What's up?"

"Just wanna spend some time with ya. Now get your cute ass in that prison and get ready." he said with a chuckle, pushing my arm to get me to stand.

I laughed as I stood up from my seat, "Okay, okay, I'm moving."

I quickly jogged back into cellblock C and headed up into our room to try and find something to place these in for the time being. There were a few water bottles stocked up in here for whenever we needed them, and I figured that was good enough for now as I took one of the lids off and placed them in there delicately. Quickly grabbing my bow and arrows from their place by the small dresser, I headed back outside to find him in the same exact spot I had left him.

"Okay, ready." I said with a smile.

He smirked up at me and took my hand in his as we began to make our way over to walk out through the gates, heading into the woods as we passed through the first line of pine trees. We made small talk as we walked side by side, listening to him tell me all about the places they found while out on the road instead of traces of The Governor.

He made sure to mention that we should send some people out to check a few stores they came across, a few places that held things that some of the kids might enjoy. Also informing me about the baby store they hit that still held much more stuff inside, things that Judith would need and be able to use. A small smile tugged at my lips as I watched him talk with his hands, going on and on excitedly.

It warmed my heart seeing him talk about the books and toys that he thought the kids would really like, his tough guy exterior slowly coming down with each passing day.

But he then surprised me slightly, jumping behind me a bit to place his hands over my eyes as we no doubt neared the destination he had in mind. "Okay, this is it. No peekin." he whispered in my ear.

I laughed softly at his fast actions, "I could've just closed my eyes."

I could almost sense the roll of his eyes as he slowly started to move me forward, "This adds the dramatic effect, alright?" he joked as he gently pushed me further out.

My nerves slightly grew as I could feel him bringing me through some bushes, ducking under a few tree branches, leaving me no indication of where we were going.

"You're not planning to kill me, are you?" I asked as I nearly tripped over a tree root.

He paused for a second, "How'd ya figure it out?" he asked in a serious tone.

I scoffed as I reached back to slap his chest gently, "Shut up." I muttered as he continued to guide me forward.

We walked for only a few more seconds, the grass evening out as he finally spoke again, "Alright, we made it." he said before slowly taking his hands away.

My eyes opened to take in my surroundings, squinting a little at the sudden brightness of the sun, trying to allow my eyes to adjust. But when they did, I let out a quiet gasp at all the gorgeous colors surrounding our feet. There were practically thousands of beautiful wildflowers all around us, a huge field of them in what seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. It almost felt like a dream.

I slowly turned back to look at him in astonishment, my mouth still parted a little in shock, "How...how did you find this?"

"I was out huntin one day and just came across it. So...what do ya think?" he asked a bit nervously.

"It's amazing." I said with a bright smile, turning back around to look and memorize all the flowers that were right in front of me.

Though I felt him turn me around by my shoulders after a few seconds to face him again, bending down for a moment to pick a flower before standing back up to put it behind my ear. He placed it there delicately, allowing his calloused hand to move and caress my cheek as I leaned more into his touch.

He smiled softly at me, "Ya really like it?"

I nodded, "Of course I do...it's perfect."

His smile only grew as he looked at me, placing a soft kiss on my lips before pulling away to speak again, "Y'know when I found this place, I was thinkin we could spend a little time together here for a while." he said almost hintingly, before reaching into his pocket to pull out a smaller book I recognized well.

It was a novel we found recently that we both thought looked interesting, deciding we would read it together and take turns at who would read out loud and who would listen. He was never a huge fan of books unless he was dying of boredom, but one day he asked what I was reading when he came back from working after a long day, and I read a page out loud to him so he could get the idea.

After that, he loved books. Well...he loved when I read the books. He claimed that when he heard my voice reading the words, it was just different somehow, actually being able to visualize better. And I didn't mind at all, in fact I loved it.

I smiled, "We came out here to read?"

He shrugged, "Yeah, it's peaceful out here. Plus we can get away from everyone else for a little while."

"Good point." I nodded before grabbing his hand and taking him further out onto the field.

Once we found a good place to sit, not crushing any of the flowers beneath us, he laid down on his back with a huff and rested his head on my thighs, holding the book up to me, "Yer turn." he said with a smirk.

I took the book from his hands, glancing down at him knowingly while he only shrugged in faux innocence. Funny how most of the time it was my turn. But again, I didn't mind.

My fingers began flipping through the pages until I finally landed on the place that we had marked, picking it up from there. I began to start reading immediately, getting lost in the book as I pictured the events that were happening as I read aloud, still feeling Daryl's gaze on me. I could tell I had his full attention as he listened, watching me flip through the pages effortlessly.

After only a few minutes, I felt him take my free hand that rested on his chest and began to play with my fingers, seeming to really test me on how well I could stay focused. I would take it back every few minutes to flip the page, but quickly placed it back down afterwards. His fingers ran gently across my skin, raising it up to his lips every once and a while to place small and gentle kisses all over my palm. He would only smirk and keep going however when he heard my voice faulter, or stutter, only egging him on more as he continued innocently.

Though after about three chapters, I decided to stop for now and mark the page before putting the book down right next to me, glancing back at Daryl who hadn't taken his eyes off me the whole time. I only tilted my head at him, waiting for him to tell me what he was thinking.

"Yer so beautiful." he finally spoke softly.

I felt myself blush, squeezing our already intertwined hands, "Thank you, love." I spoke quietly, tracing my finger along his cheekbone as I felt him smile, "I think you're especially beautiful."

"Stop." he immediately huffed, looking away from me to try to hide his embarrassment, though he secretly loved it.

I laughed quietly, "It's true," I said softly, "Plus it's fun to see you all embarrassed." I joked.

I assumed he would crack a joke in return, the playful banter between us and the constant teasing was just a part of our relationship. But he didn't. He stayed quiet as he gazed at me, looking at me so lovingly that I thought I could cry. His eyes held so much emotion as he stared at me, feeling the familiar butterflies resurface in my stomach at the sight.

"I love ya so much." he said suddenly.

"I love you too." I replied without any hesitation.

He smiled back at me, before sitting back up quite suddenly, getting back up to his feet, "Well...good as time as any." he muttered to himself, rocking a bit back and forth on his feet.

I noticed how uneasy he seemed to grow, a lot of things seeming to weigh on his mind, "Oh God, are you pregnant?" I joked, in hopes to lighten the mood.

He cracked a small smile as he rolled his eyes, "Nah, just...just got some stuff I wanna say to ya."

I nodded my head slowly, "Okay...talk to me."

He took a breath, "M' not uh...m' not good at these things. I don't even know where the hell m' supposed ta..." he trailed off for a long moment before he huffed again, "I love you."

I couldn't help but laugh, "I love you too." I repeated.

He smiled slightly before letting out a small sigh, "Bein with you...is the best damn thing that's ever happened to me. I didn't really even know who I was before I met ya, like...there was a piece missin. But I think after all this time of searchin for that piece...I finally found her." he winked.

A small lump began to form in my throat, my smile unwavering as I stared up at him with nothing but love and endearment, but yet there was still more he had to say as he cleared his throat nervously. "My point in sayin all this is...I can't even imagine sharin my life with anyone else besides you. Yer the only one I want forever. So..." he trailed off, slowly getting down to one knee as he brought something out of his back pocket.

"Rosie...will ya marry me?"

The air was completely knocked out of my lungs, and I had so many thoughts running through my mind all at one time I thought I was going to explode. I could tell just how nervous he was by the shakiness in his voice and the fact that his hand was fidgeting, attempting to hold the ring that he now held out to me. My answer was more than obvious, but it seemed to get stuck at the back of my throat as I tried to memorize this moment perfectly.

Once I finally gathered my thoughts together, I found myself nodding instantly, "Yes."

I could physically see the weight being lifted off his shoulder with just that one word, causing him to sigh in relief as a huge grin made its way onto his face. He shakily raised his hand up to place the ring on my finger, extending my hand out with tears in my eyes as I watched it was a perfect fit.

The moment it was secure on my hand, I wasted no time tackling him in a hug, knocking him completely to the ground as I heard him laugh gruffly in surprise. He was lying flat on his back in the grass, and I pulled off of him slightly to place my hands delicately on the sides of his face, before kissing him deeply. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he brought me impossibly closer, squeezing my sides gently as his hands slowly traveled down toward my hips, only bringing me in deeper.

I was so happy I couldn't even think properly, all I could fathom was how I would be with the love of my life forever. I then pulled away briefly to plant multiple kisses on his lips and he couldn't help but chuckle as he kissed me back every time. Catching my breath as I laughed blissfully, I stopped and really looked at him, as he did the same with me. He noticed a few tears slipped from my eyes and took his thumbs to gently wipe them away.

"Are ya happy?" he asked shyly.

I shook my head at how ridiculous he was, "Are you kidding me? Happy doesn't even begin to describe it...I love you so much."

His smile only got bigger, "I love you so much," he kissed me again, "I was so nervous." he confessed.

I laughed lightly, "Why? You thought I would say no?" I asked.

"Nah, but I was nervous I would fuck up on what to say."

I shook my head in reassurance, "It was perfect." I whispered, leaning in to kiss him once more.

He smiled against my lips but quickly pulled away, "Hold on now, the surprises ain't over yet." he smirked.

I raised one of my eyebrows as I looked down at him, "You really are pregnant, aren't you?" I asked again.

He flicked my nose in mock annoyance as he scoffed, "No. I just gotta take ya somewhere else." he finished with a chuckle.

"Well then, lead the way." I spoke.

He took my hand once again helping me stand to my feet before leading me deeper in the woods. We were both so giddy while walking to the destination, barely being able to keep our hands off of each other. Words could not express how happy I was in that moment; I couldn't even begin to describe it.

There honestly was a part of me that thought Daryl and I would never get married, simply because we were in the apocalypse, and that was something that couldn't really happen anymore. Though I was perfectly okay with that as long as I still had him no matter what, and up until this point I thought Daryl felt the same way. That is until he told me how much he loved me and placed a ring on my left hand.

My thought process then stopped suddenly when I lifted our intertwined hands up to get a better look at the ring, too focused on the things Daryl was saying to me to care, but it was truly beautiful. It was a simple silver band with a teardrop shaped diamond in the middle, with another two small diamonds on either side of it.

The man grew nervous again the second he caught me looking at it more intently, "I hope ya like the ring, I wasn't sure-"

"I love the ring," I assured, "But I love you even more. So it doesn't matter to me what it looks like, as long as it's from you."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss me again, until we heard the familiar snarls of three walkers coming at us from the other side of the trees. We both looked at each other and rolled our eyes in annoyance seemingly at the same time before getting our weapons and killing them with ease.

We then took each other's hands once more and kept walking all the way up until Daryl covered my eyes again, causing me to laugh and shake my head at the so called "dramatic affect." We only walked a few more feet before his hands left my face to reveal where we were, seeing a small cabin come into view.

"When did you find this?" I asked turning to look at him.

"On a run with Michonne. We came across it, I thought it'd be perfect for tonight." he said.

I raised my eyebrows, "We're staying here tonight?"

"Well yeah...I think we should be alone on our weddin night, don't you?" he asked with a sweet smile.

I thought for a moment as I nodded, "Yeah, I guess we are pretty much married now, aren't we?"

He nodded as we turned to make our way up the stairs of the porch and towards the front door. I opened it slowly to take a peek inside but before I could step through the door, I was being lifted off my feet by Daryl who began chuckling behind me as I yelped in surprise. He picked me up bridal style and walked through the front door before putting me back down on my feet gently. I couldn't help but laugh at the cheesy tradition, but I loved it.

"Did you just carry me across the threshold?" I asked with raised brows.

He began to look nervous, "Yeah...that's what yer supposed to do...right?"

I began to laugh lightly, "You're adorable." I muttered as I kissed his cheek, "Yes honey, it's a thing."

That calmed his nerves a bit and sent me a smirk, "Good. I uh, cleaned up the room to the left" he said as he gestured in the direction down the small hallway.

I nodded in response before making my way over towards the room and pushed the door open fully. My mouth dropped a little as I saw how clean the room was, feeling Daryl squeeze my shoulder gently as he passed me to light a few candles that were on either nightstand by the bed. I watched as he stuck his tongue out a little while he took out his lighter, focusing to not burn himself as he successfully lit them and placed them back. My eyes continued to follow him as he made his way over to the corner of the room, pulling out two glasses and some wine.

He sat himself on the bed and began to open it, but then noticed that I was still stuck in the doorway, easily catching the smirk he sent me. "Come on," he nodded towards the bed, "I don't bite... unless ya want me to." he winked.

My eyes narrowed at him as a smirk was brought to my face, slowly making my way into the room to sit next to him on the bed, "You...managed to do all of this?" I asked.

He looked up, "What do ya mean?"

"I mean the flowers, the field, the proposal...the cabin, the candles, the wine." The list really went on and on. "You put a lot of thought into this and...I'm just falling more and more in love with you."

"Good." he said simply as he finally got the cork out with a loud pop, "Mean's my evil plan's workin" he joked before pouring the wine into the glasses, "But it ain't much."

"Yes, it is," I argued, "It's all so amazing, I wouldn't want it any other way." I spoke as I placed my hand on his arm.

He handed me my glass, "I wanted it to be special. M' glad ya love it darlin."

I smiled at him and held my glass up slightly as he followed my actions, "To...forever together." I toasted.

"Forever together." he echoed, moving his glass to gently collide with mine before we both took a sip of the semi bitter liquid.

I hummed as the taste hit my tongue, before setting my glass back on the floor, "So, tell me...why did you want us to be alone on our wedding night?" I asked with a smirk.

He swallowed hard as he too set his glass down on the floor, "So I can show ya how much I'll love ya forever. Show ya how committed I am to ya til my last damn day on this earth."

I was taken aback for a moment at his words as they seemed so unlike him, but they made me feel intensely warmer inside as I scooted closer to him, "And how do you do that?" I whispered.

He followed my actions as he inched closer, "By kissing ya here," he left a small but heated kiss on my neck, "and here," he moved up to place a kiss on my jawline, "and...here." he moved to finally plant a kiss on my lips.

It started out as soft, gentle, but then quickly deepened as we wrapped our arms around each other, pushing ourselves closer to one another. I easily slipped my tongue in between his lips, and he didn't protest one bit as I explored every inch of his mouth hungerly. My teeth maneuvered to bite his lower lip gently, hearing him groan in approval as his hands began to explore every part of me, feeling him give my hips a tight squeeze.

I began to play with the hair on the back of his head, feeling the heat radiating off of him as he was getting more and more antsy. My hands then traveled across both of his shoulders, helping him remove his angel winged vest, tossing it carelessly to the floor before frantically moving to work on the buttons on his shirt. His mouth never left mine as he didn't hesitate to follow my lead, his fingers working down to get my shirt off as well, breathing heavily in anticipation.

I finally undid the last button after what felt like an eternity, pulling away momentarily to fully take it off of him and leaning in close to leave light kisses down his neck. He tilted his head back involuntary as he let out a heavy breath, ravishing in every second of pleasure. I then moved up closer and straddled his hips in one swift motion, kissing him deeply once again as my mouth crashed clumsily against his, feeling his rough hands begin to glide up my back.

I tangled my fingers in his hair, grasping it lightly as his hands moved up to unclasp my bra, moving the straps slowly down my arms as I helped him fully remove it. He threw it to the ground where our clothes seemed to be piling up, his mouth moving down to my neck desperately, biting and sucking lightly. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips as he smirked against my sensitive skin, knowing exactly what he was doing. His lips then only moved down lower, nearing the spot where I needed him the most when he suddenly spoke, his voice sending vibrations through me.

"I love ya so much." he whispered against my skin.

"I love you more." I breathed, hardly able to get the phrase out before my head was in the clouds once again.

He then didn't hesitate to wrap his lips around one of my nipples, sucking lightly as one of his hands came up to gently massage the other. My head involuntary tilted back at the feeling, a soft moan leaving my parted lips as I could feel his mouth getting more and more eager. He groaned against me in response, wiggling his tongue around my breast before letting it go with a small pop, shifting his head to the other.

A wave of pure ecstasy washed over me as my eyes fluttered, giving his hair another gentle tug as some kind of signal not to stop. He got the hint almost immediately, picking up his pace ever so slightly, causing me to squirm in his hold as if his mouth was somehow magic. His tongue then darted out to lick across the entirety of my chest, treating my skin as if it was as sweet as candy. My hips rocked against him in response to his actions, but that apparently was all he needed to send him completely over the edge.

His hands immediately reached down to fumble with the button of my jeans, his movements quick and sloppy, "Get these off." he nearly growled, his lips leaving another kiss across my boobs, "Come on." he breathed pleadingly.

It was clear to me that the two of us were simply too eager for each other to wait any longer, and I for one didn't need to be told twice.

I quickly scrambled off his lap to stand on my now shaking legs, my fingers unbuttoning my jeans and peeling them off my legs as I heard him undo his belt buckle from right in front of me. I kicked the fabric off my ankles, not even bothering to remove my thong before I moved back up to straddle over his hips again. He didn't even get a chance to say a word before I crashed my lips against his once more, kissing him clumsily as I could feel him trying to free himself from his pants.

I couldn't help but gasp softly into his mouth as I felt the tip of his dick barely brush up against me, his hand moving down to gently tug my thong to the side. He then gave me no time to recover before he took himself in his hand, sliding his tip up and down my slit in a slow, teasing manner. My hands moved up to grip his shoulders, a pleasurable breath leaving my lips as my face still hovered close to his, silently begging him for more. But he was clearly enjoying the feeling of me quiver, enjoying the soft sounds I was letting out as I could feel the small smirk creep onto his face as his movements didn't falter.

A moan then erupted from my mouth as I felt him begin to swirl circles along my clit, causing me to grow even more desperate than I was before. "Please." I whispered as my lips moved to kiss along his cheek, "I need you...please..."

I felt his cheeks move up a little as he smiled, "I need ya too baby." he said sweetly, before finally ending the torture he created.

His dick then moved down to hover by my entrance, before slowly pushing himself into me inch by inch, giving us both what we desperately needed. It was like we both simultaneously tilted our heads back with parted lips and tightly shut eyes, our breathing erratic as he continued to push himself further inside me. My grip on his shoulders tightened as he stayed still for a moment, stuffing me completely as blissful sighs echoed around the quiet room as we savored every moment.

But then he started to move, pulling his length out almost completely, before shoving himself back inside me in one slow motion. I moaned breathlessly as I lowered my head to rest in the crook of his neck, feeling him move again as he gradually eased me into it. His pace slowly but surely began to pick up, slapping himself into me as he groaned from the pleasure, hitting that sweet spot inside me with every pass. My mind was clouded, everything around me slowly fading into nothing as I focused on him and him alone.

My hips then slowly began to match his rhythm, bringing myself down on top of him to mimic his movements, causing an even louder groan to escape him at the feeling. We both began panting, our chests heaving up and down, my nails now digging into the skin on his shoulders as I moaned loudly. His hands gripped my hips a little tighter as a low rumble bubbled in the back of his throat, sweat beginning to pool on his forehead as he thrusted in and out of me.

I could slowly feel my high creeping up, the familiar warmth pooling in my stomach as my lungs almost burned now with how fast I was breathing in anticipation. Daryl quickly seemed to catch onto how close I was, keeping his pace exactly the same as he couldn't be far from his either, breathing just as deeply as I was as he focused so hard on my own pleasure rather than his. His hands then quickly moved up to the sides of my face as he continued to pound into me, bringing his lips to mine as he kissed me sloppily, his tongue darting out to taste me.

"I love you..." he breathed in between kisses, "I love you." he repeated over and over again.

I wanted to respond, I wanted to tell him just how much I loved him, but I was slowly losing my ability to speak. My moans and whimpers only grew louder as I was getting even closer to the edge, my nails digging even further into his skin.

"I know baby...I know." Daryl mumbled as if he was able to read my mind, thrusting even further into me as he tickled that sweet spot that ultimately causing me to crumble, bringing us both to that familiar incredible high.

The remainder of that night was filled with lots of soft kisses, and even more praising phrases in between. We've had our fair share of these moments in the past, but yet somehow this one felt so different. It's like as soon as that ring was placed on my finger, a whole new definition of love was brought right before my eyes. And it was something that I could definitely get used to. This night was the greatest night of my life, filled with pure bliss and happiness for the one man I loved more than anything.

~ Thanks for reading! (Finally, we have a smut scene;) Oh and they're married, yay!)

Taglist - @justareader95 @hayley1998 @welcumetomyescape @ryoujoking @sipsthecoffee @winterassassin1804

[monstersandmaw]

First time romancing Astarion, and I'm all aboard the ace-spec interpretation of Astarion that I've seen floating around. As someone who's ace, I definitely resonated with him in this scene anyway. That hug reaction from Astarion. Oof.

And the fact that if you also romance Halsin, one of the dialogue options Astarion can give you is to say something like: 'it's not because... we haven't... in a while... is it?'... My heart cracked painfully at that, I'm not going to lie. I have spoken almost exactly that sentence before, worrying that just kissing and physical affection is not enough for someone who's not ace. To have that validated by Astarion was really special for me.

(aka, I really didn't get to know Astarion very well in my first playthrough because he didn't approve of my absolute doormat of a Tav (Kaerlyn the drow) and I didn't spend much time with him, but now with my sassy monk...? I get it. I totally get why you all love Astarion so much).

EDIT: additional dialogue from Raphael talking about Cazador indicates that it might be linked to vampirism (my own headcanon for vampires anyway is they can't get aroused without having fed recently, not just BG3 vamps, but in general)

[some poly-ace-astarion thoughts under the cut too]

I'm not 100% convinced that Astarion is really ok with the consensual poly situation in-game, because he famously doesn't say what he actually wants and is the king of manipulating others, especially in sexual situations (e.g. what Cazador sent him out to do, and how). I'm not sure if I'll reload a save and just have Halsin as a friend...

The dialogue when you check in with Astarion before the Halsin scene is... strained? Odd??? Maybe it's just me over-analysing it. He sounded strained though - his tone high pitched and more grandiose than he'd been in previous cut-scenes, where he was more softly-spoken. It sounded more like early-game Astarion to me...

Also, my dialogue options may have been totally randomised the next time I approached Astarion after a steamy night with Halsin, but they sounded kind of strained there too, and I got the 'I can never say no to you' one, which set my ace people-pleaser alarm bells ringing...

As someone who's poly-romantic but asexual, I can project/imagine here that Astarion has come to care for Tav a lot (more than he ever expected, for sure), and he genuinely wants Tav to be happy. He trusts Tav enough to know that Tav respects his autonomy and right to decide things for himself, and values Astarion for who he is, so Astarion is intellectually/conceptually happy for Tav to get something from Halsin that Astarion is not providing (sex), but perhaps emotionally that additional fact and dynamic is harder to deal with.

That could totally be me projecting though, because that's how I'd react if my husband (not ace) and I (ace) were in that situation (we've discussed it between us, actually XD). Feelings of guilt and inadequacy around sex itself are apparently very common with us ace folks, even in very healthy and happy relationships.

Anyway, that turned into a ramble I didn't intend on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I'm not looking to start any discourse about this though. If you don't see Astarion that way, or had a different experience and interpretation, that's all totally valid and I'm not trying to invalidate it in anyway.

[satureja13]

Ji Ho was devastated after he tried to kill Vlad. All these overwhelming feelings are hitting Ji Ho hard anyway, and now this on top of it. Jack told him again and again that nothing was his fault and now, that they finally threw this spell back to sender, nothing stands between Vlad and Ji Ho's future full of love and affection anymore... But Ji Ho felt as if two fists were gripping him. One around his throat, slowly pressing shut. And the other one trying to mash his heart. Jack didn't know what else to do and dragged him to the pool to help him calm down. Distraction is Jack's solution for everything ^^'

Meanwhile, Sai and Vlad put Jeb and Kiyoshi to bed. They are still feeling dazed after their protection spells were dodged by Ji Ho's grandfather. Gladly, Jeb and Kiyoshi are not the only members of their group with healing powers. And even though it was a magical damage, which cannot be cured that easily, Vlad tried his best and he's really hopes they are going to wake up again soon. He has no idea what to do with Sai should anything had happened to Jeb ö.ö Sai is near his next breakdown anyway... It's all too much for him.

Ji Ho really calmed down a bit. They sat at the pool. Ji Ho still can't let go: "I can't believe my grandfather was able to make me try to kill Vlad. How are we supposed to move on from this? And after all the other things that had happened between us? How?" Jack: "Don't underestimate Vlad and his love. I've seen how he still looks at you. And don't underestimate your Bond. It's still there - and it's still strong. Don't forget you two bonded after that spell. Just trust it, hm?"

*then he laughed*: "And Vlad had time getting used to your attacks..." Jack snapped his mouth shut. Uh-oh. He shouldn't have said that. Ji Ho doesn't know about the other attack - when Vlad was hidden in that mannequin! Jack just hopes Ji Ho didn't notice ö.ö He and his damn unstoppable snout! But Ji Ho did notice: "Attacks? When else did I attack..." And then Ji Ho remembered that there was something odd with that mannequin in the Dark Arts Classroom. And how it trembled after the attack. And how Vlad wasn't with them for almost a day... And then the fists smashed his heart and crushed his throat.

Ji Ho started to cry and none of Jack's distraction puppy strategy attempts succeeded this time. So he called Sai and Vlad for help. Sai: "Is this your fault?" There's no way to deny it... Jack can't stand seeing Ji Ho cry: "Eh yes. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to upset him. Can you please tell him that everything will be fine and that we've all been through hard times and found back together again? Please stop crying, Ji Ho! Look, Kiyoshi and me! Do you remember when I tried to kill him because I thought he tortured Sai and me at the lab? And now we're best mates! Nothing can get in between us! Not even the fact we accidently woohooed!" And Jack kept on talking himself deeper and deeper into trouble. Jack: "And it didn't even stop Vlad from loving you that he died when he tried to save you! And Sai and Jeb are together again even after Sai had a relationship with Kiyoshi and Jeb refuses to woohoo Sai because he thinks he'll hurt him!"

Well, this did distract Ji Ho from his downward spiral into utter desolation. Ji Ho looked at Sai and Vlad who were about to burst from anger: "Eh, Jack. Better run."

They can't run far from the Villa. Some members of the Council might still be around and they surely won't leave Ji Ho, Jeb and Kiyoshi unprotected. No matter how much they want Jack dead. So they just ran rounds and rounds around the estate... And if Super Soldier Jack weren't that fast, this time, Sai would have really hit him!

An hour or two later, after they checked on Jeb and Kiyoshi upstairs, they sat at the pool again. Sai's anger faded into his weighty responsibilty as their leader: "We need to inform the Resistance about what happened *he sighed* and to ask for a loan to pay off our tuiton at Verdantis. After Kiyoshi and Jeb wake up, we are going to head over to Hummelshain Castle and look if Ms Coombes or one of the others currently resides there." Vlad laughed: "Sai, we're back in the Mundane World. These little devices, who help you talk to people that are far away, are a thing here. They are called phones ;)" Sai: "Omg, I'm so through! Phones!" To his defense: they've been in the Otherworld and beyond the Veil without phone reception for around ten months ^^'

So Sai dug out his phone from the dephts of his inventory and called Ms Coombes. After Sai gave her a rough overview on the happenings and carefully touched the money problem, she told him she'll call over athena, who is the treasurer of the Resistance, and that they'll meet at the Castle tomorrow afternoon to discuss everything. Ms Coombes (over the line): "Make yourself a nice time until then. You've been through a lot. And don't worry to go out. Principal Prescott and the others left in a hurry a few hours ago :3 "

'I cannot say it. I want you, a bit little more. Really, do you think so? I’d like to touch you, but the more I get near to you, the more I do not recognize you. Really, does it happen to you, too?

Shall I give you a phone call or not? Shall I give you a phone call or not? I won’t surrender for first Why won’t you call me? Why won’t you call me? Who knows who’s gonna win!'

'Io non riesco a dirlo. È che ti vorrei soltanto un po' di più. Anche tu? Io vorrei toccarti ma più mi avvicino e più non so chi sei. Anche tu? Ti telefono o no, ti telefono o no? Io non cedo per prima. Mi telefoni o no, mi telefoni o no? Chissà chi vincerà?'

Gianna Nannini - Fotoromanza

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Who killed Jack?' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-28

[kjthenbee]

On the lack of major "heart eyes" moments from Ed this season

So one thing that I've been noticing this season that kind of bothered me at first, but that I now think may be intentional acting on Taika's part, is that something about the way Edward has been behaving around Stede since they reunited strikes me as being much more distant compared to S1 Ed. Like Rhys is out here playing Stede as the most genuinely head-over-heels in love we've ever seen him, meanwhile Edward "Heart Eyes" Teach seems very emotionally reserved around Stede, and you can see it in his face.

Like yes, Ed still clearly gives Stede affectionate looks, but he isn't giving him those blatant heart eyes like he did all of S1. Like I especially don't think we've seen him look at Stede in the same way he did post-S1E9 beach kiss yet. We've gotten some moments close to it, such as after the "I love everything about you" conversation in S2E4, and when Ed is watching Stede run into the forest in that same episode. But during the moonlight kiss in S2E5, he seems pretty reserved emotionally, and when you see that last shot of Ed before Stede closes the curtains in S2E6, he doesn't look very thrilled.

Interestingly, the one time I noticed where Ed did give off a very similar "god I genuinely love you so much" look was not even with actual Stede - it was when he saw MerStede in the gravy basket.

Overall, this lack of Edward "heart eyes" moments has made a lot of the romantic scenes post-S2E4 feel just a tiny bit off to me, and I think that's the point. It makes sense that Edward still seems distant and guarded around Stede. He was hurt very badly when Stede left him, and he still needs time to truly trust him again (hence "taking things slow").

Another thing I'd like to add is that in both S2E6 and S2E7, Stede and Ed refer to each another as "my friend" (Stede to Ned Low, Ed to the people at the crab shack). Sure, other people refer to them as boyfriends, but they don't refer to each other as boyfriends. My husband and I were just talking about this, and he thinks that this is one hundred percent intentional on the writers' end. Stede and Ed may have talked in S2E4, but they still haven't talked enough. They're still not being mature about their relationship. They were "together" again for a bit, yes, but were they ever actually together? Like did they ever have a conversation to establish the nature of their relationship? Stede even said that their relationship could be "whatever they want it to be" during that last argument in S2E7, which struck me as odd, because it just makes their entire relationship sound very vague.

They both need to come together, talk, and be honest with each other. They love each other deeply, yes, but Edward has been hurt and is still recovering, while Stede is focusing on becoming the badass pirate that he thinks everyone (including Ed, as we saw from Stede's dream in S2E1) wants him to be, even though it's not who he really is at all, nor is it the person who Edward originally fell in love with. They need to come to an agreement that their relationship is a committed one, and they need to recognize that true love requires compromise, communication, and listening to your partner to truly stand the test of time.

SPOILERS FOR S2E8 (talking about brief clips shown in the teaser + clips seen in some BTS ads)

The heart eyes actually do seem like they are going to make a reappearance in the season finale based on some of the clips of Ed and Stede we've seen from S2E8 - particularly the ones where Ed and Stede are holding each other on the beach. The way Edward is looking at Stede in this scene actually does look like a genuine Edward "Heart Eyes" Teach moment to me. Just something I thought was interesting.

[toujokaname]

Card shuffle / Episode 2

Author: Akira

Characters: Rinne, Tatsumi, Aira, Mayoi

"Why'd you change so much, Rinne-senpai?"

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Winter

Location: Training Room

Rinne: Anyway, yeah.

For that reason, we've been dragged into this fateful (?) showdown (pfft) between ALKALOID and Crazy:B! Talk about being saddled with a stupid plan!

Honestly, it's a royal pain in the ass to deal with, since it was clearly cooked up by some moron who doesn't know jack about us.

You guys aside, we Crazy:B are still at a disadvantage in ES 'cause of what we did in the summer. We reap what we sow, but still?

Apparently, ES wants to make this Matrix thing into a big event that'll mark the end of their first year of existence—

And we gotta do our best to hype it up, right?

If we disobey, well, you guys may be fine, but we might actually get the boot this time.

Can't say I'm thrilled about caving in to threats, but... Really, what has ES ever done for us?

Did they actually think we'd be all like "oh, yay, we're so pumped to work for ES!" with stars in our eyes? That nonsense's fine in dreams, but they need a reality check already, hm?

Tatsumi: ...You've been harsher than usual for a while now. Rinne-san, do you have any particular thoughts on this plan?

Though it's admittedly a flawed project, I'd consider it an honor to be entrusted with a major event.

Will this, too, be made fun of as a model answer from a goody-two-shoes?

Rinne: Ahh... Well, no need to worry 'bout that.

It's just that, back when I was an idol under my own name, there was a lot going on.

Aira: ...?

Rinne: Anyway, seems like ES is dead set on having ALKALOID and Crazy:B duke it out no matter what.

Tatsumi: Yes... It appears they want to create that kind of wrestling match atmosphere.

Aira: In reality, we're not even on bad terms... I mean, we had some issues in the summer, but honestly, we barely cross paths at work.

Mayoi: Our target audiences are completely different... The so-called issues in the summer largely revolved around aiding Hiiro-san's efforts to stop Rinne-san from going on a rampage.

From a personal standpoint, we harbor no ill will towards Crazy:B.

Aira: Though we're at least aware of each other, since we debuted at the same time.

If anything, Crazy:B's constant blunders make us look better in comparison, so it's kinda handy.

Rinne: Mhm, mhm. But see, that's a problem for ES! They really want us to be archenemies!

And that's when the focus turned to me and Otouto-kun. We're blood-related brothers, each leading Crazy:B and ALKALOID.

"The Amagi brothers have always had a bad relationship, and they formed their units just to spite each other—"

Something like that. Seems they wanna make a scandalous scenario that the public's gonna eat right up.

Aira: Even though you and Hiro-kun actually seem rather close... I mean, for some reason, he weirdly looks up to such a scumbag of an older brother.

Rinne: Oi, oi, don't call me a scumbag. If I'm not the "foul-mouthed character" type, fans might get disappointed.

Aira: Every once in a while, you put on airs of a snobby senior idol...

Anyway, I think I get the gist of it?

ES wants to create a scenario where Hiro-kun and Rinne-senpai are at odds 'cause it fits their script.

Rinne: Right, right. That's why I became ALKALOID's leader this time as part of that scenario.

We'll swap units temporarily to prove ourselves and brag about beating our sibling.

So, for example, what happens if I make ALKALOID more successful than it was when Otouto-kun was leading?

It'd prove I'm better than Otouto-kun, yeah?

That's the kinda thing the fictional Rinne Amagi-kun would say.

ES always wants to play the poor victims being pushed around by that kinda selfish idol, huh? Gyahahahaha! ☆

Even if this plan backfires, ES can still escape responsibility. Maaan, I've gotta hand it to ES, still as shitty as ever ♪

Aira: Such a foul mouth... Yet you're the one telling off others... Isn't that why you're hated and forced into these harassment projects?

Rinne: I keep harping on the same thing over and over, but I'm totally fine being "that kinda character."

Aira: When you first debuted, you were more of a pure, orthodox idol... Why'd you change so much, Rinne-senpai?

Rinne: ......

[ ☆ ]

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[checkoutmybookshelf]

Sometimes the Adaptation is the Book, Actually...

So, as I'm sure more than a few of you did, I enjoyed the heck out of Jill Bearup's fantasy heroin YouTube shorts series. And as I'm sure many of us have experienced, YouTuber books can be...distinctly hit-or-miss in terms of quality. So when Bearup announced that she was adapting the shorts series into an actual book, I was willing to give it a shot when it came out. So in Bearup's own tier list terms, I'd give this book a pretty good. Strong concept, a lot to like...but the TYPESETTING, my god. Let's talk Just Stab Me Now.

This is your spoiler warning for a book that has been EXTREMELY hyped on YouTube, and one who's story has already been told on YouTube. Here there be Spoilers.

So normally I like to start with the things I like about a book, but since I liked so much about this book and the one thing that I didn't like could have stopped me cold, we're going to start with the one thing that I think was actually bad. The typesetting.

To be clear: Bearup was extremely clear that using different fonts and margins to delineate between Caroline's world, the fantasy world, and Caroline's mind where she interacts with the fantasy characters was a considered, intentional choice. That's valid, and there is nothing inherently wrong with making that choice. It's also well done in the book, like it's consistent and well put together.

That said: Oh my god you guys, I hated it. It took me the first fifty-odd pages to get used to it, and even then, it AGGRESSIVELY snapped my editor brain's bra strap. I seriously considered putting the book down because of the typesetting, which would have been a crying shame because I really enjoyed the book overall. This might not bother some readers, but it was nearly a dealbreaker for me, so I wanted to mention it as a "your mileage may vary" kind of thing.

Other than that though, I think this book did a pretty solid job of adapting the fantasy heroine shorts into a full-blown novel.

Caroline Lindley is very much helicopter parenting her fictional characters, and the fact that they are by turns bemused and cranky about this is very fun throughout the novel. I also like that we get a lot more of Caroline in the novel than we did in the shorts series. Her story was just as compelling as Rosamund and Leo's, and I quite enjoyed having the extraordinarily modern cybersecurity subplot to balance the fantasy setting as well. I wasn't expecting that to work as well as it did, but thematically it resonated quite well, and I like the acknowledgement that while we don't use swords and political marriages so much these days, it's not like we've STOPPED having enemies and needing to protect ourselves, our homes, and our families. The relationship between modernity and "no particular historical era" in terms of thematic connections was really well done.

The general added depth to all the characters was also excellent, since we had time and space for characterization that the shorts series had to skim over for time. We really felt Rosamund's grief in the book, Leo had way more personality (and I loved that) and some of the plot stuff was smoothed and fleshed out in some really interesting ways. The caladrius was actually an inspired touch, and it tied together a bunch of slightly odd things in the series in a really elegant way. It also gave Baron Mabry and George an interesting parallel too, since they were both screwing over people for financial gain. The methods might be different, but the heart of the crimes and the harm they do are fairly universal.

As a writer, I also ADORED the conceit of Caroline being absolutely out of control in her process. She was trying SO HARD to write a standard enemies-to-lovers romantasy and literally nothing could get her plot or characters there. Every writer has been there, every writer has had little breakdowns over the story just not freaking doing what you tell it to, and there was something deeply vindicating about it. I loved the personification of the writing process.

This book also had a little bit of that Princess Bride feel where it is both a send-up of romance tropes and a deeply respectful nod to them. I don't know that pastiche is the right word here, but neither does parody seem to be, and I think we need a word for this writing mood, where you're both deconstructing and reiterating a series of tropes. I don't have a word for it, but this is a thing that pops up periodically (periodic because it's genuinely hard to do well; lean too far to one side or the other and it flops catastrophically) and we should name it.

Overall, for a book from a YouTuber--especially one who rather famously discovered halfway through the process that she does not enjoy writing fiction--I was pleasantly surprised by this book, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Bearup has told us not to expect a sequel, so I won't...but if one materialized in the future, I'd read it!

[navree]

What do you think the relationship between Aegon and Aemond will be like next season? Some people think they'll be working together and getting closer, and some think Aemond will harm Aegon intentionally at Rooks rest and they'll be enemies

I don't know how close they'll be personally, but I do think they'll be working together. I can't see how Aemond would harm Aegon intentionally, since that causes a lot of problems for their faction, and as people pointed out when Aemond was talking about being king in ep 9, Aegon has (or is at least supposed to have) one son still alive even after Blood and Cheese, so Aemond wouldn't stand to inherent, at most he'd get what he gets anyway, the regency. Plus, having Aegon and Aemond at intense odds to the point of outright enmity would be a severe deviation from the source material, which I don't think the show is going to do because this is a prequel that does have reaching implications into the original series.

What I do expect is that their relationship is going to be turbulent. In the book, Aegon is the only one not upset at Aemond for what happened to Lucerys's boring ass, and given that in the show it's an accident that Aemond tried to prevent and is immediately remorseful about (and whose circumstances were nowhere near as calculated), I'd like to see Aegon put on his big brother hat. Try to find the bright side, and be a bit of a support for Aemond after Otto and Alicent get upset due to what Lucerys's boring death means. But then, as we all know, we've got Blood and Cheese, a really horrible event that happens as a direct result of Aemond's actions at Storm's End. It's possible that Aegon might blame Aemond, might lash out in his grief, and depending on how much Aemond might blame himself, it could cause some strife for them, though I do think there will be some level of rapprochement by the time of Rook's Rest, given that they fight together. And then after that, I don't think they're gonna get much time together, since Aegon's gonna be convalescing and Aemond's gonna be in the field.

I personally have long said I'd love them to get at high highs and low lows this season. I want Aegon to be Aemond's support after Rook's Rest, I want Aemond to try to be a comfort to Aegon in the aftermath of Blood and Cheese (wrote a whole fic about that actually), and I do want a moment at least where Aegon blames Aemond because he's grieving the loss of his child (and I want Aegon to at least punch Aemond without Aemond fighting back cuz he thinks he's earned it). I've also been very open about how I want Aegon's involvement in Rook's Rest to be a surprise to Aemond. Given how it's the first major conflict after Blood and Cheese, and how the book takes pains to point out that Meleys might have been able to win against Vhagar before Sunfyre got involved, I want Aemond to treat this as almost a kamikaze mission before big brother comes in to help save him (that quote where Tyrion talks about how he had to fight without his big brother in ASOS? yeah.....).

[nomoreusername]

Silent Coffee Dates (Part 2)

Pairing:Sonya x female reader

Summary:As you spend more time at her house, you find yourself truly warming up to Sonya.

Eating at someone else's house was weird to say the least. I've had dinner with Chuck before, but I was watching him. Plus, his parents always kept something specifically for me. From little candies to entire meals, they wouldn't take no for a answer when it came to food. There really wasn't a choice. I certainly wasn't going to waste it, and they refused to touch it. Eventually though they become my second family so I wasn't as worried about it.

Sonya and I have an extremely different relationship. I guess you could call us friends but only while we're in the coffee shop. It was a mutual agreement that we sat there together no matter how empty the place was.

Now I was sleeping over at her house. Not only that, I was accepting an entire meal from here. It wasn't just a frozen t.v dinner either or something you could easily buy for a good few bucks at the store. This was an entire meal that her brother and her had enjoyed less than an hour ago. That's how I ended up eating pasta in their clean, almost magazine perfect living room in complete and awkward silence. It was a much different atmosphere than our little bubble in the coffee shop.

"Do you want to watch a movie?"She suddenly offered. I just shrugged as I fixated on the ground. Despite the way I had focused on her so intently and how half of my sketchbook was just drawings of her, looking at her in her own home was different. It wasn't in a way I could quite explain, but I am more than aware of the goosebumps it left on my arm.

"Where's your sink?"I settled on, putting my fork on the plate.

"I've got it,"She waved me off. Before I could get another word out she took it from my hands leaving me with her brother. If I remember correctly his name is Newt. Not that it matters. Being alone with someone new always brought a fear in my heart that I couldn't quite explain.

"So uh, you two seem close?"He asked, or stated. I couldn't quite tell, but I don't know if it's because I'm not good at reading people or if he did that on purpose.

"Yeah. We're friends,"I nodded, still avoiding eye contact.

"You don't seem to talk to her much,"He pointed out.

"We've never had a conversation before,"I admitted, individually cracking my knuckles to give me something else to focus on. When I popped all ten of my fingers I moved on to my ankle.

"That sounds painful,"He mumbled.

"It's not,"I shook my head, internally wishing Sonya was back already.

"So how do you really know her?"He questioned. Taking a breath, I decided to look him in the eyes. His hair, despite still being blonde, was a shade darker than hers. He didn't have those small, barely noticeable freckles like Sonya either. His eyes were more of a soft, almost golden brown while Sonya's were more of a light hazel. Despite the little things the resemblance was clear as day.

Then, he furrowed his eyebrows which let me know I had been staring. Shaking my head, I looked back at the ground.

"We sit at this coffee shop together. She reads, and I draw,"I answered

"What do you draw?"He asked quickly.

"Just scenery, houses, and people."

"Who do you draw?"He continued interigating. My face flushed as I thought about whether or not to lie. Would he find me odd if I admitted how often I would sketch Sonya?

It's just that she's so perfect. Whether her hair is down, cascading down her back, or in a braid over her shoulder, there was no reason not to get every lock just right. Her eyes, invested in a book, or glazed over as she stared out a window, always shone brighter than a sun every could. Her lips, in a barely there smile as she kept reading, a small frown as she seemed deep in thought, of pursed as she went over an assignment, were another effortlessly gorgeous feature. Even when she was half asleep, she was always so pretty.

"I'm back so Y/N, let's head up to my room,"Sonya said, walking in and thankfully ruining whatever was happening with Newt. Without hesitation I followed her up the stairs while still looking away from her brother.

Sonya's P.O.V

I genuinely thought that maybe my brother and friend could like each other. That's why after I put the plate in the dishwasher I stayed around the corner and waited to see if a little bit of time alone would make them warm up to each other. To my disappointment it seemed to be the opposite. Newt was questioning her like a police officer while Y/N was almost dead silent as she answered his questions. I kept waiting and eavesdropping a little longer. When Newt asked what she drew I assumed she might be more than willing to talk about her talent. Unfortunately, there was complete silence. Realizing that it wasn't happening any time soon I walked in the room and invited Y/N up to mine, while setting an internal reminder to tell Newt off for acting like she was some kind of criminal.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We had settled on an old kids film, and to be honest I couldn't help but glance over every other second to see if she was enjoying it. To my relief she was more invested in Coraline than I had ever seen someone be.

"Why do you think the other mother is the way she is? We have theories from the cat, but why do you think she takes all the children? Does she just like the power? Is that what actually feeds her or would loneliness kill her the way it could kill some animals?"She rambled, sitting up and looking at me. Her eyes seemed to have lit up even more than they had during the movie as she seemed to be trying to make sense of it all. I couldn't help but laugh at how different and admittedly adorable she was when it came to something she enjoyed.

"Sorry,"She murmured, looking ready to shut down again.

"No, no, no. You just look cute when you're happy,"I absentmindedly said. In the dim lights shining through my window I saw her face turn a light shade of pink.

"I'm happy when I'm with you at that coffee shop,"She admitted. This time it was my face that heated up.

"Yeah. I'm happy when I'm with you too,"I agreed.

"That means a lot to me. I'm not good with people, but you never make me talk. It's nice to have someone who's truly just there for your presence. Do you know what I mean?"She asked.

"Yeah. I usually hate silence, because it can be uncomfortable, but it's nice to be able to have a real friendship without that kind of pressure,"I nodded.

The thing is that I didn't realize how much this meant to me until I said it. Y/N truly is my favorite part of the weekend. Being with her is the only time that I can actually unwind. Everyone needs that kind of special person in their life, and I'm happy that she's mine.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I don't know how long we had been up watching stop motion films. She was more than into them though so I didn't mind. My guess is that the art part of them is what had her so invested. When I found out she hadn't even seen them as well, it was obvious that we needed to binge them.

Halfway through The Nightmare Before Christmas I felt her head on my shoulder. I glanced over to see her eyes shut as her breathing evened out.

Being careful not to wake her I shut the television off before laying her down so her head was on an actual pillow. Pulling the blankets over both of us, I got some sleep of my own right beside her.

All Parts

[youremyheaven]

Hiii! Read the ask of the freshmen girl dating someone older and now I'm trying to figure out if I'm in a similar situation 💀

I'm mostly a sun-mars girlie (dhanishta moon, krittika rising and uttara phalguni sun atmakaraka with mars amatyakaraka) and I've just finished the first year of uni. Had some not too concrete things with guys because I tend to distrust them due to past stuff (and ngl I was kind of a manhater before which I guess makes sense after what other people have said about mars girls lmao) BUT after a trip to another country I met this guy who's from there but because he's half from a country which speaks my native language we can comunicate with no problems and we really clicked

Nowwww, this guy's 25 💀. Which I'm not too sure if makes this a good idea at all? We've been talking since I left (nearly a month ago) and he's planning on coming to my country this October and we've agreed on just spending time together and getting to know each other with not too much pressure. He's been respectful with the fact I want to go slow and even if I don't know him that much bc it's been just a month I haven't found anything that would make me distrust him (but the age... Which we've also talked about and is also odd for him bc he used to have a limit of 3 years younger as a max). And truth is we're kind of different in lifestyle and character but somehow we get along really well so I'm not taking it too much into account (and add also the distance, which would make it possible to see each other just twice a year if anything were to happen)

Anywayyys, he's been really sweet but it's the age part, yknow? Plus I don't know his birth time yet but he's an anurada (or vishakha, depending on the hour) moon and mula sun guy and even though I'm crazy attracted to him the last time I dated a nodal...

Idk girl im just so confused 😭

Being 18-19 and dating a 25 year old 😔😔😔is not the greatest idea

I mean you can see where it goes or how it goes and if it feels wrong, you can cut him out. Please listen to protection mantras in the meanwhile though. Just in case. There's no harm in being protected in general so 😌

I don't want to make it seem like I'm fearmongering but you're being lowkey groomed.

Stay safe, see how it goes, don't place your bets on this. It does not sound ideal (u shouldn't wanna be in a long distance relationship with a 25yr old from another country at 19 babe 😭😭)

I have a guy friend, Purvashada Moon, who's been nothing but sweet af to me. However he dumped his gf of 5yrs and went for a freshman literally two weeks into freshmen appearing on our campus. He actually cheated on his gf 💀 and then it affected his reputation so they got back together and the minute we graduated, he went back to the 18yr old.

A 24 yr old man dating an 18yr old 💀💀💀 they went on a trip to some hill station and he posted pics of her in his hoodie and it made me 🤢🤢🤮🤢🤮 I just know that girl is going to be processing this trauma for yearrrss to come 💀😭

You don't know this man. You don't know his past. You don't know his history.

Exercise caution and thread carefully.

If you're looking for fun, just find a guy your age and be traumatized by him instead (jk) . Grown men will pull alllll kinds of stunts (they've had more years of practice) and you don't have the life experience to even discern that shit.

Like is it reallyyyy worth it 🧐 is this guy absolute godsent 🧐 probably not 🚫 because that's how men are

[thegettingbyp2]

Hiii! So glad ur writing for Aaron again. I really love Joshua Bassett's song "Different" and honestly I think Aaron would like it too. Could you base something off the lyrics please?

There's a lyric that goes

"I'm back in your arms but everything's changed, now we've been to hell and back again"

and i think that would be really good? Idk if you'd interpret it as smut but whatever you wanna do with it! And I really dig how you made your own mini universe thing with never meet your heros so like I think it would be cute for this. (Again all up to u I'm not the most creative LOLOL)

Hell and Back

A/N: I don't know this song but I've tried my best so I hope you enjoy!

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You knew that being so far away from Aaron was going to be hard; but you never thought that it was going to be this hard. You were coming up to your two-year anniversary and you hadn’t physically seen him in 7 months. With the both of you working on Broadway or in the West End, it was hard for you both to get time off to see each other so your relationship was currently limited to phone calls and facetimes whenever you got the chance and it was killing you.

The long-distance was proving hard for both of you, with arguments springing up about the smallest things and, you would never tell Aaron this, but most nights, you ended up crying yourself to sleep, fearing that the two of you were drifting apart too much. However, tonight, even though you weren’t arguing per se, you were feeling defeated.

‘I think that’s too long! We’ve already gone 7 months without seeing each other, and now you want to go for another 3?! Aaron that’s going to be almost a year since we saw each other and I don’t know if I can do that!’

‘I know, baby, but I don’t think we have any other choice. That’s the closest time I can get off and you’ve just started rehearsals for Wicked and there’s no way you can miss that,’ Aaron replied as you sat on your sofa, propping your phone against a couple of books that were sitting on your coffee table so you could still see Aaron on your screen.

‘Do you really think we can do this though?’ you asked, sighing heavily when you realised that he was making a good point. ‘Because I’m not sure that we can keep going on the odd ten-minute facetime whenever we both happen to be free and with the time difference.’ Your voice broke at the end of the sentence as you felt tears pool in your eyes and you were quick to look down at your hands, not wanting Aaron to see.

It was breaking your heart, having to talk and think like this, you loved Aaron with your whole heart and you really didn’t want to break up with him, but you could feel yourself reaching your breaking point and you knew that you wouldn’t survive it if you let it break on its own.

‘(Y/N), what are you trying to say?’ Aaron asked cautiously, worry filling his face.

‘I’m saying that I don’t think we can go another three months like this, and we’d be stupid to try,’ you began, looking back at your screen, tears dripping freely down your face. ‘If we keep this up, it’s just going to hurt us both more at the end.’

‘Yes, we can. Baby, it’s only three months and then I can come over there and - ’

‘Aaron, come on,’ you interrupted, ‘every time we talk at the moment we fight and then act as if nothing happened and we can’t carry on like that.’

‘Don’t do this,’ Aaron whispered brokenly, tears beginning to fall from his eyes.

‘I love you so much. That’s why I have to do this, if I don’t, we’ll end up hating each other and I never want that to happen. I’m going to go and I think it’ll be best if we don’t talk for a while, okay?’

‘No, (Y/N), just listen, please,’ his voice cut out abruptly as you ended the call, knowing that if you stayed on the phone any longer, you’d let him talk you out of it. Now sitting in the suddenly silent room, you let everything that had just happened catch up to you and before you knew it, you were laying on your sofa, sobbing.

---

It had been a week since you’d broken up with Aaron and you hadn’t brought yourself to leave your house once. You hurt, you physically hurt. You’d always thought that Aaron was the one; that you’d get married and have kids, and you couldn’t wait for that. So, to have that swept out from under you? You felt like your world was crashing down around you.

When you heard a knock at your door, you couldn’t help but be relieved when you thought about how you managed to shower and wash your hair today. Expecting it to be your new director, you were quick to answer the door, but you stilled when you saw Aaron standing in front of you.

He looked terrible. He looked exhausted, as though he hadn’t slept for the past week. Upon seeing him, your eyes filled with tears and you felt your knees threaten to give out from underneath you. Quickly, Aaron crossed the threshold and gathered you into his arms, propping you up against his body as he gently closed the door. You let your tears fall down your face, neither of you saying a word as Aaron lowered you to sit on the bottom step of your stairs. Crouching down in front of you, he guided your head up until you were looking at him, brushing your tears away as fast as they were falling, not bothering to wipe his own.

‘What are you doing here?’ you voice was shaky. ‘I thought I said - ’

‘You really think I was going to let you leave it at that?’ he asked, chuckling softly through his tears. ‘I hopped on the first flight I could, so I could make this right.’

‘There’s nothing to make right, Aaron,’ you replied, exhausted with having the same conversation over and over again. ‘It’s going to be exactly the same when you go back to New York and - ’

‘I’m not going back to New York.’

His words brought everything to a standstill. Your face must have shown your confusion as you tried to process what he’d just said because he took both of your hands in his and sat cross-legged in front of you.

‘I’m moving here. Obviously, I’ll have to go back to New York to sort my things out but then I’m moving here. Permanently. When I got on the plane to come here, all I was thinking was that I couldn’t lose you. Nothing was worth more to me than you and I’m not prepared to give you up before I at least tried to fight for us.’ When you didn’t respond, he carried on. ‘I haven’t found a place yet, but I can stay in a hotel until I do and I’m going to spend every single second proving to you that this can work.’

There was something about his words, the determination in his voice that showed you just how much he meant it and you felt hope fill your chest.

‘You’re staying here.’

‘Yeah, baby,’ he said softly, smiling gently at you. ‘I’ll find a place and then - ’

‘No, you’re staying here. You’re going to move in here. With me.’

You watched as he breathed a sigh of relief and a smile flooded his features. All of a sudden, you were being pulled off of the step and into his lap. You were quick to wrap your arms and legs around him like you were a koala as you buried your head in his neck. One of his arms wrapped around you as the other cupped the back of your head, holding you against him as he pressed kisses to the side of your head.

You don’t know how long you were sitting there, just holding onto each other, but the lyrics to one of your favourite songs popped into your head and you couldn’t help but smile when you thought of how fitting it was:

I’m back in your arms but everything’s changed, now we’ve been to hell and back again.

[yurisorcerer]

Hey there's a good old fashioned WcDonald's in this episode, I was worried they'd gone extinct.

I like that the Rupa groupie scene is in 2D. Once again, flat animation is reserved for romanticized moments.

Anyway!

As of now, our girls are semi-officially working with talent agency Golden Archer, and not long after, the episode takes a left turn into Nina's family problems, where it stays for the rest of the episode. This starts with her mother and father showing up unannounced in the area. Given that the show is nearing its end, it makes sense that we're finally bringing this all back.

We also get the barest outline of Rupa's own backstory from her own mouth, a phone call that went unmade on the day of what she tersely refers to as 'the accident' has made her cognizant of how little time anyone really has in the world.

Hence the train ticket back to Nina's hometown I suppose. Although Momoka's 'encouragement' is a necessary part of the equation too.

This confrontation is not easy, one reason for which is that both Nina and her father seem to be incredibly stubborn. Even when she does go to them, their conversation is had from opposite sides of a bamboo door[?], with Nina herself radiating the same red rage particles that we've seen the show draw on her before as she struggles to hold back her anger (complete with a very loud heartbeat sound in the OST), and her father chain smoking the entire time.

It may just be on my mind, but the small city summer portrayed in the scenes where Nina's father is taking her around remind me of AIR. There's a similar tactility to the humid, baking concrete of the city.

Perhaps surprisingly, Nina's father seems to have gone through the effort of getting the school to issue an apology of some kind. This doesn't sit right with Nina either, though, and the emphasis placed on her father labeling her a "victim" implies to me that the real issue here is that Nina's father is unable to see her as a complete person. She can slot into one of several roles, perhaps; student, daughter, bullying victim, but he can't handle it when she wants something he doesn't have a good grasp on. The inverse might be somewhat true as well, although, of course, Nina, being only a teenager, does not have nearly as much responsibility for her parent's mental health.

Speaking of which, the climactic scene here where Nina is talking about how That One Song gave her the courage she needed to soldier on after dropping out of school is just…genuinely really beautiful. Aside from its excellent visual presentation---how often do you get the "falling into the open blue sky" thing in the show itself?---the fact that she openly admits to have been contemplating suicide at one point, and how she contrasts with that how she feels now, as someone who loves herself and is ok with who she is…. It's odd to put it this way, but I honestly feel, I suppose, proud of her?

If you're, you know, heartless, you can object that Nina's reconciliation with her father is too clean and too soon. I would counter that the two of them still obviously have a fairly complicated relationship by the end of this episode, and that it is rare for anyone to truly ever square everything away with their parents. I don't think the show portrays Nina as having done that, and I think that remaining emotional debris will continue to be important as the series enters its final 3-episode stretch.

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

i got peer reviewed on this post by @pikechris (sorry for the tag hope you dont mind) but still had way more thoughts hehe anyways i was gonna leave tags but it got pretty long sooo those tags and the rest of my Thoughts under the cut cos damn this did get really really long

i looked in the replies of that post & people you're not getting it he didnt kiss rory with romantic feeling behind rory was just there and eleven got excited about something else and rory visibly looks weirded out afterwards. it was practically eleven kissing as stimming. like when he kissed jenny. it wasnt out of romantic feelings at all he knows madame vastra would kill him & he isnt interested he was just happy to be able to move after the crimson horror thingy. kissing rory was also played as a joke it was a funny haha yknow. i also dont remember eleven kissing the james corden character but like whatever i cant imagine that being meaningful in any way either.

OH in the same way that nardole having a crush on twelve (canon btw nardole practically says as much is played as a joke. like with the post i mention above, like thats played as a joke because can you imagine the cool very beautiful twelfth doctor having romantic or sexual feelings towards nardole, who is literally, as missy puts it, comic relief? i dont think that its queer is a part of that but idk it might be.

but in any case. the doctor hasnt kissed or been kissed by a man with romantic intent onscreen since 2005. we COULD have had a thirteen and yaz kiss but we didnt which is i think why? people forget? about them? doctor was confimred queer she had lesbian attraction but nothing really. happened about it. so yeah. also apparently a lot of people didnt watch thirteen like cmonnnnnnnnnnn it really isnt as bad as people make it out to be.

twelve kissed missy who was probably the only person he would have kissed at that point. he's horrified when she kisses him before he knows who she is but then the very next episode he kisses her in a... if not exactly romantic a very emotionally charged way. and she knows that. we dont see them kiss again even as their relationship grows more and more romantically inclined (which i actually support any amount of canon thoschei conventional romance would probably be. bad and kill the appeal immediately) because like i said. she turns every dead body on earth into a cyberman then lies about where gallifrey is then fakes her own death then tries to get the doctor to kill clara then he leaves her on skaro iirc then he is supposed to kill her but doesnt and instead locks her in a vault for ~70 years but its okay cos they have takeaway food in there together sometimes. and then world enough and time / the doctor falls happens which i cant even start talking about or i'll never stop & thirteen was 1) aroace and 2) too emotionally repressed to even get close to kissing Anyone, let alone the master after all the timeless child stuff, even though she probably?? wanted to kiss yaz?? a bit??? at least?? yaz wanted to kiss her but there was too much emotional repression going on on both sides but mainly the doctor Which Brings Me To My Point.

Fifteen is the most, shall we say, flirty doctor we've had for a while, and Ncuti is also the first openly queer actor to play the doctor on tv, and while of course everyone on tumblr is Very familiar with all of the ways the doctor is queer (and neurodivergent) without any need for the show to specifically say so, it is really really great that a) the doctor is played by a gay actor b) there are more queer characters and c) we got an actual episode where The Doctor Is Gay With A Man. especially after the. somewhat odd. way yaz & thirteen's relationship was dealt with at the end of thirteen's run, which even though was a queer relationship was like....... not really. shown. they just talked about it. and had icecream. okayyy i guesssssssssss

BUt NOW fifteen gets an entire episode where his mutual attraction to another male character (assuming the doctor is actually a man, pretty sure i read somewhere Ncuti was he/they-ing the doctor but he might have meant the doctor in general, not just fifteen) is a Main Focus of the episode. its the main tension, the main drama, the main interest - you pretty much know from the 'okay we'll teleport the chuldur away' that thats whats going to happen, and i for one went 'oh my god rouge is going to get teleported' from the moment the doctor fixed it to carry six. the Main Focus is now their flirting, their dynamic, the way Those Two Interact, their almost kiss (which the doctor was so ready to duck out of as soon at the thing beeped, but you can tell by the look on rouge's face that he's for sure trying that again later). the doctor showing actual episode-arc spanning romantic interest in a character, let alone a specifically queer one... that doesnt happen a lot.

(the girl in the fireplace has a lot of superficial similarities, though you could also argue that madame de pompadour was far more romantically into ten than he was into her. thirteen's characteristically very awkward attempt at flirting towards yaz in the sea devils special didnt have nearly as much focus on it)

but really the point is the doctor was kissed! for the first time on tv in ten years!!!! and it was a queer kiss!! and that romance was The Major Part of the episode!! the doctor doctorwho was gay kissing a man on out television screens after a genuinely quite good build up!!!!!!!!!!! it would of of course be amazing if rouge makes another appearance (i think he will, most likely in a later season instead of the next 2 eps), and even better if we had a longer arc of that romance, but we got it!!! actual canonical queer romance for the doctor!! their first canon kiss in like at least a couple hundred years of their life, and while i am an aspec doctor who believer there are 100% time when he feels attraction and this was for sure one if them. and it was really beautiful & emotional & the flirting was fun & rouge was a good character & their dynamic was really good and yay!!!!