#we have a ton of really good local edibles here so I’m so annoyed that I wasted money on that just because I’m too uncomfortable to say no

[wewontbesleeping]

ugh it’s sooo annoying trying to find a new person to buy weed from. I can’t wait until dispensaries open here so I don’t have to do the whole social interaction thing anymore lol

[lucifers-favorite-pen]

How The Obey Me Brothers Would Do in a “The Forest” AU

Fandom: Obey me

Pairings: None

Warnings: Swearing, idiocy, mild gore

The Forest was just released for the new Oculus headset, and Levi could NOT pass up this opportunity. However, it’s just his luck he got his hands on a cursed copy of the game, and ended up sucking the House of Lamentation into the game! Here’s how our favorite boys faired in the universe of “The Forest”

Lucifer:

Is pissed.

Bitches about it heavily

Is irritated that he has to find and wrangle a digital son now as well as his siblings. 

Would definitely help everyone else build a little shelter before nightfall, but would be grumbling about how much work he has to do at home and how far behind this would put him. 

Doesn’t let MC lift a finger and is 100% a mother hen the whole time. 

Seems inconvenienced by the whole cannibal thing, until he realizes magic doesn’t exist here and he has to use his melee fighting skills to kill them. Skills that are a little rusty...

Teams up with Beel to be the camp dads and take care of everyone

Super paranoid about the stability of the walls and the house at the beginning

Dies from eating a poisonous berry. He didn’t know he could be affected by poison in this game.

Over all, does his best to keep everyone alive, and feels really bad when someone dies. 

No longer feels bad when he learns that the worst thing that happens is you lose all your stuff and you respawn. 

A solid 7/10 job. Probably dies a few times due to someone else being an idiot, but is a pretty good survivalist when push comes to shove. 

Mammon:

Is also pissed

He was in the middle of counting the grimm from his latest modeling gig when he was sucked into the game.

Bitches and moans with/at Lucifer, but tries to build and maintain a shelter.

Who’s Timmy?

I don’t think crows exist in the game, but seagulls do and they all land on his fingers and he makes friends with them.

Is very upset when one of his brothers kills a bird for food or to simply carry around its head as a trophy. 

Sees cannibals and tries to trade with them with the grimm he has in his pockets.

Dies on sight.

Now when he sees or hears cannibals he screams and cowers behind MC 

When they go away or the screaming stops, he stands up straight and dusts off his jacket “Psh, I wasn’t afraid! I was trying to comfort you from behind! YOU were the one afraid”

After a while in the game, he gets his shit together and honestly kinda kills it. 

This is the avatar of greed, you know he is going to gather and horde so many valuable resources and then guard them with his life. 

“Mammon I’m hurt please stop hissing at me and let me have the medicine bottle”

*hiss* “You can have ONE pill and ONE pill only”

Over all, the definition of “They had us in the first half ngl”

8/10 for managing the group’s food and resource stores so well and only dying a fuck ton of times. 

Levi

...oops?

Feels quite guilty, but is also secretly pumped to immerse himself in the game.

Was extremely skilled at this game IRL and tries to explain how it works to everyone else, but they’re all so pissed and no one’s listening.

“That’s fine, who would want to listen to a yucky otaku like me anyway!” 

Magic doesn’t exist here, but that doesn’t stop Levi from yeeting himself into the ocean and turning into a giant sea monster while his brothers complete the game. 

They don’t want his help? They don’t want to know that the cannibals can’t swim and that they’ll be safer if they build a boat and live in a boathouse on the water? Fine. Then Perish <3

That goes for Timmy too, fuck that kid. 

Doesn’t want MC to suffer tho, so he’ll kill a few sharks and throw them up over the wall with his tail. (I’m assuming that if the game is released for Oculus Rift that they will get their shit together and also make sharks edible)

Is having a grand time taking over the ocean. 

Will sometimes go to shore to visit MC. Everyone is confused as to where he has been and how he is thriving. He just smiles and jumps back in the water.

10/10 strats. Never once dies. Tells everyone what they were doing wrong and how they could have had it easier when they beat the game and are back IRL out of spite.

Satan

Angy

Is throwing things in their spots while building the shelter, but is still helping

Spawns in with the book he was reading in his hand.

That book is eventually stolen from his grasp in the night and used as kindling for the fire.

Lucifer explains that if he didn’t steal his book they all would have died. 

Satan does not give a fuck

“Use the kid’s stupid fucking drawings you dipshit!”

“I can’t they’re story items!”

Goes on a rampage and kills so many deer, effectively feeding the group for a week.  

Sees the cannibals for the first time and thinks “same” 

Pretty good fighter and pretty resourceful when it comes to making armor and weapons. 

Outfits MC with the all of his prototypes and tells them to go run at a tree

“How do you feel, MC?”

“Like I ran at a tree with a deer skin on my chest”

“Interesting”

Very upset at the whole no magic thing, but will work with it.

Over all, 7/10 job. Dies a couple times from cannibals and the other monsters, but makes it to the end.

Asmo

Oh dear. 

Oh dear this sweet summer child. 

“Why are we looking for this child when he’s so ugly?”

Is distraught and so very upset this is happening to him. Cries variations of “woe is me” for the first five hours of game play

Does not help build a shelter

Does not help gather food and resources

Does not help period. Only whines. 

Sees cannibals sprinting and jumping towards the shelter and pushes Lucifer in front of him

“Take him! I’m too pretty to die!”

“HEY!”

What follows after the first three days is a slow decent into madness. 

Ends up butt ass naked for the majority of the game because the clothes he spawned in with were ripped to shreds and “No animal skin clothing in this world is good enough to adorn my perfect body”

Starts speaking to the animals and becomes friends with all of them like a Disney Princess. 

The animals come to his aid when he lets out a specific shriek that calls them to his side.

Spends his time weaving flower crowns for MC, his brothers, and his animal friends. 

Everyone knows he’s snapped when Beel brings back the dead body of a cannibal and Asmo dips his dirty little finger into an open wound and wipes the blood on his lips. 

“I just love this shade! Don’t you?” 

5/10 job. Dies multiple times from trying to befriend hostile animals, but also has an army of woodland creatures at his disposal by the end of the game.

Beel

Bro you know this mans is about to make this game his bitch

Spawns in with a cheeseburger.

Eats the cheeseburger.

“I have a son?”

“I HAVE A SON :D”

“Where is my son?”

Honestly the thought of Beel in this game is so sexy like I’m simping so hard rn 

Grab your water skins and buckle up bc it’s about to get thirsty up in here y’all

A shirt? Beel doesn’t know what those are anymore

He crafts one of those shoulder harnesses out of hide and bone and sticks a bone shiv thing on the forearm 

Don’t mess with this demon when his dinner and his family is on the line.

Is not afraid of anything except the death of his loved ones.

Cannibals? Nah, dinner.

Other monsters? Nah, dinner. 

Full shirtless lumberjack mode with Lucifer, and later Mammon, when cutting down trees in the forest. MC is drooling. 

Definitely makes a game out of how many trees they can all chop down before giving up.

Plays knuckle bones with Belphie and MC using real knuckle bones. 

Doesn’t want to share his food with the others but will if they didn’t get anything to eat that day. 

Chef Beel. That’s it that’s the post. 

10/10 job. Only dies once throwing his body over Belphie’s sleeping one to save him. 

Get’s annoyed when he finds out Belphie was fake sleeping

Very sexy. Would watch. 

Belphie

Nah dude no thanks 

Alexa play “Wake Me Up When September Ends”

Alexa play “Billie Jean”

“And the kid is not my son”

Get’s so fucking pissed when he finds out he can’t sleep without everyone else deciding to sleep too so he just lays down with his eyes closed and hopes for the best.

Doesn’t help with anything unless someone asks him to

Even then he’ll roll his eyes like brat and slowly do it

An actual sloth

No like he clings to MC and Beel like a sleepy sloth 100% of the time

He can’t find any cows and is sad so he settles for the local deer instead. 

Fake sleeps through most of the whole thing, paying monster and cannibals alike absolutely no mind. Beel will take care of it.

Freaks the fuck out when Beel dies on top of him and goes into a rage and kills everything in sight. 

Very sweet reunion when he realizes that they just respawn.

No longer pays death any mind and continues fake sleeping. 

0/10. Virtually useless. 

Masterpost

[lovemesomesurveys]

survey by xflirtykaosx

Alphabetti Spaghetti (1/3)

And we will fall in love with shooting stars. - A

Have you ever seen an Aardvark? Hm. I don’t think I ever have in person.

Were you ever abandoned in a public place as a child? Where? No.

What accent do you have? A California one, I guess. It’s weird to think of myself as having an accent.

Is there someone in your family addicted to something? What is it? I have family members who have/had drug and alcohol addictions. 

Have you ever been under general anaesthetic? What were you having done? Yes. I’ve had to have several surgeries.

How do you show the ones you love affection? I haven’t been doing a good job at that lately. :/ I’ve been such a pain and difficult to be around lately because I’ve been so miserable and irritable and depressed and in pain and just feeling really, really shitty and ugh. I feel so guilty because my family gets the brunt of it and they don’t deserve it at all and they do so much and more for me and I’ve had to be totally dependent on them and do it anyway and they’re so patient and loving and ughhhh. I’m a piece of shit.

Are you more passive or aggressive? Passive. 

Do you like the band Aha!? I only know taaaaaaaaaaaaaaake on meeeeeeeeeee (take on me) takeeeeeeee meeeee on (take on me)..... <<< I’ll beeeee goneeeee in a month or twooooooo.” haha.

Do you know anyone called Aidan? What are they like? Nope.

Ever heard of the band Ajax? Doesn’t ring a bell.

Do you know anyone called Akash? No.

Do the sound of fire alarms scare you? Yes. I’m super jumpy anyway and don’t like loud and/or ringing noises. 

Do you live in America? If so, which state? If visited, where’d you go? Yep, I live in California.

Have you ever had an ant infestation in your house? No, nothing that serious. 

Aora - did I spell that correctly? Were you going for Aurora? 

Do you have a preference in Apple? What type do you prefer? I like Apple products if that’s what you mean. My laptop and phone are Apple.

Are you an Aquarian? Is anyone in your family/your partner/best friend? My younger brother is.

Have you ever worn any type of armor? Which type? No.

Do you use the word ass a lot? No.

Have you or your family had an attorney? What for? Nope.

Is your car/family’s car an automatic gear or manual? My mom and brother have an automatic and my dad’s is manual. 

Are you interested in aviation, piloting and aircrafts? Nope.

What was the last award you recieved for? I received awards for the psych club I served as a board member for in college.

Axl Rose - like or dislike? I don’t have an opinion.

Do you like air being spelt ayre or ayer in rap or hiphop or is it nasty? ....what?

Is the sky outside Azure? If not, what shade is it? It’s pitch black out currently.

Belle amour (we’ve been here before). - B Do you call anyone baby? Is it sweet or an overrated name for affection? I don’t call anyone that.

Bby - does this shortened version bug you? It doesn’t bug me, but I wouldn’t use it.

Do you know what BC in terms of time stands for? Yes.

BDf - For or against? Uh, so I Googled this and got an Urban Dictionary definition and I’m not sure if that’s what you’re referring to or not...

Do you prefer beach breaks, city breaks or winter breaks? Why? Never heard of beach or city breaks, but I’m definitely going with beach breaks. I’m guessing that’s just a beach vacation/trip?

Do you spell out boyfriend properly or put bf in texts/online? I spell it out.

Do you know what bg is short for? Background? *shrug*

Do you know anyone with the last name Bhays? No.

Have you ever been bird watching? What did you see? Nah.

Do you like Bjork? I know who she is, but I don’t have much of an opinion. 

What does this read: bk 2moz miss u lyk fk. Doesn’t this text speak annoy? This is super annoying.

Do you like BMWs? Sure.

What is the nearest book to you called? How many times have you read it? "Flooded” by Nicki Koziarz. This is my first time reading it.

BnQ - gone there? What did you buy? What’s with all the weird shorthand/abbreviations??

Are you more brainy or brave? I’m not brainy, but I’m certainly not brave.

Did you like the BSBs (Backstreet Boys) as a kid? How about now? Yeah.

Burgers, Hot Dogs or Salads at a Barbecue? Burgers.

Do you have a Byro? Sigh.

Cold eyes and filthy lies all leave me petrified. - C Do you have a Cactus (Cacti)? Nope.

Do you know what a CCTV is? Yes.

How many CDs are in the room you are currently in? Zero. 

What’s your favourite cereal brand? I like all the sugary ones, basically.

Do you like children’s TV shows still? Which one(s)? Yeah. I like the stuff from when I was growing up like As Told by Ginger, Hey Arnold, Rugrats, Doug, etc. 

Cinnamon - Yum or Yuck? Yum.

Do you know anyone with the initials and or name CJ? No.

Have you ever met a self professed clairvoyant? What did they do/say? Nah.

Do you watch CNN News? What’s your prefered news channel/show? I get most of my news from the news app on my phone, but sometimes from my local news channels or the Today Show.

How many cousins do you have? A shit ton.

Do you still draw with crayons? When was the last time you did? Drew what? Nah, I use colored pencils. 

Do you know what a CSS feed is? What is it? I know there’s a CSS feed on here. It has to do with the coding for the layout, right?

Do you like cycling/biking? What type of bike do you have? No.

Do you really like it, is it is it wicked. - D What is the most dangerous animal you’ve petted/held? Nothing dangerous. 

Do you like Death Metal? If so, which band(s)? Nah.

Did you ever keep a diary/journal? I had an actual journal in middle school and some of high school and then switched to Xanga and LiveJournal. This is my journal now.

Do you prefer small, medium, large or no dogs? Medium.

Do you know what DP stands for in porn? No.

Have you ever dressed up as a celebrity for a party/Halloween? No.

DS or Wii? Why? DS.

Does dust make you sneeze or cough? Both.

How many DVDs do you have all together? I have no idea.

Do you dye your hair regularly, sometimes or never? I was dyeing it regularly. I’m currently well over a year due now.

Every love lies sometimes … - E What’s something you refuse to eat? Seafood is one of many things.

Don’t you think the word ebb is so pretty? No.

Do you like Chocolate Eclairs? Meh.

Ever tried edible paper? I rememer this candy I had as a kid where you could eat the wrapper and I thought it was so cool haha.

Eevee - pretty name or too Pokemon-y? I just think Pokemon.

Do you sometimes mix up the spellings/meanings of affection and defection? No...

Do you have a big ego, low self esteem or somewhere in between? I have no self-esteem. It left the chat a long time ago.

What Element does your starsign fall under? *shrug*

Do you show your emotions easily and freely or hide them? I didn’t used to show the sad ones so easily and freely, but my emotions took control and I don’t have any say now.

What is your favourite form of entertainment? Tumblr, doing surveys, reading, YouTube, watching TV.

What will they write on your epitaph? I don’t know, man.

Estimate/guess what number we are on now? Nah.

Do you know basic social etiquette? Yes.

Does your country use the Euro, Great British Pound, Dollar or other? Dollar.

Do you still get excited on Christmas Eve? Aww, yeah.

What animal/creature that is extinct do you wish wasn’t? Hmm.

What colour eyes do your parents have? My mom has brown eyes, my dad has blue eyes.

[purplesurveys]

205

What is the title of the strangest book you own? I know I have an old book somewhere entitled Sing a Song of Tuna Fish, which I got when I was I think 8. Enjoyed quite a bit at the time and reread it a few times too. That’s the weirdest one I have. How often do you actually wake up in a good mood? Kind of rarely these days. I hate 6 AM call times EVERY DAY. What can we usually find you doing on a Friday night? Friday nights are always reserved for Gabie, whether we’re staying in or eating out. We mix up the itinerary every week, so there’s no usual. What would you say is your guiltiest pleasure? Right now that title belongs to Charlie Puth, but I don’t necessarily feel guilty about enjoying his music... Tell me all about your special lady/gentleman. She has just the prettiest, the purest, and the sweetest soul. She has this vibe about her that makes her loved by everyone; even all of my orgmates love having her around. She’s great at reading and making poetry, and is the smartest person I know.

What is the highest outdoor temperature you've ever had to endure? Malaysia was pretty hot and dry, but I was never able to note the temperature. Here in the Philippines, the worst was probably 36-37ºC. The humidity made it worse too so technically that would increase it to around 42ºC. And the lowest? That belongs to either Japan (too cold I couldn’t even speak and stayed clinging to my dad so I could walk properly) or Sagada at 4 AM. Japan at the time had a one-digit temperature in Celsius, and Sagada was 10ºC. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. I don’t actually know...Filipino kids aren’t all that witty. I just remember being entertained by my godson one time, who genuinely cared for ants and thinks they should be left undisturbed. It was even funnier the way his eyebrows were knitted so much in concern. Do you let your pets on your furniture? Sure, the only exception being the dining table. Can you usually tell when someone has feelings for you? The fact that I don’t know anything right now means I probably can’t, haha. I had no slight clue Mike liked me the way he did and how serious he was about it, that’s another case. I can read people very well, but I’m just very oblivious when it comes to this. Do you know what things your pet(s) prefers to eat? My dog loves his rice and his meat. In other words, human food. That’s what he grew on and that’s what he ended up loving most. What would you plant in your dream garden? Please don’t trust me with plants. Do you believe in fairies, gnomes, or elves? .....No? What does your wallet look like? Filled with pieces of paper that I know I have to throw out but just can’t be bothered to. Some bills in it too, and tons of coins. What is your favorite thing to cook for someone else? I can only make instant noodles for Gab but thankfully she never gets tired of it. Tell me about the last book you read. It talks about Asian imperialism and touched on how the Japanese basically became the bully in the entire continent. It was annoying to contemplate on it in the first place since I definitely knew what my country had to go through under them, come to find out even more of their atrocities in China. Apparently they liked raping women and either cutting children in half or burning them, so that was an absolute joy to read. Who was the last person to leave you flustered? Haven’t felt that recently. What's the last thing you ate that was made with phyllo dough? I’m not sure. Have you ever bought underwear simply because it made your underwear drawer look nice? I guess, yeah? Describe the outfit that makes you look and feel your best. I have a variety of those that I just whip out whenever I want to have the feeling that I know I look good. A tight black tank top and ripped jeans usually does the trick most times though. What can you see from where you're sitting? The entire dining area and part of the kitchen. I would also see the guest bathroom from here but the door is closed. When you have a chance at happiness, do you allow yourself to take it? Yes, but most of the time I can be wary at first; and generally I don’t let myself wallow in being happy for too long because it’s always taken away from me harshly at some point. What are some bands others would be surprised to find in your music library? I never let anyone know about my punk taste to begin with so I’m sure they’d be most surprised if I suddenly tuned into my Misfits or Cro-Mags discography. How do you feel about kettle cooked chips? I’m not familiar with the name. I might know what they are as chips, but I never bother learning about what they are called most of the time haha. Tell me something about yourself that you're most proud of. I study in the top university in the country. What do you like to dunk in your coffee, if anything? I dont dunk my food in it. What was the subject of the last documentary you watched? Haven’t sat down to view a docu in so long but the last one was probably about the feral child, Genie. What sort of things do you do when you have the entire evening to relax? Surveys, call my girlfriend, watch YouTube videos, sometimes sleep early. Are there any books I should check out next time I'm at the library? Yup, not really the person to go to for book recommendations. Opinions on cold pizza? The only way to eat pizza. Do you have a favorite brand of tea? I don’t even drink tea. What's the last stupid question you were asked? (Besides these.) Hahahaha good save. Gabie asked me who Gianina (an org-mate) was even though they have met each other like five times. Her memory is so bad but sometimes it’s just asking for an eyeroll from me lol. What's been on your mind lately? How I’m going to see Paramore up close in three months. Tell me about the best thing you created with your own two hands. A pot! I made one from clay on my trip to Ilocos last August. I’ve wanted to do it since I was maybe 5 and was sooooo excited to get my hands on the wet clay. Definitely not as easy as it looks on screen but I loved how mine turned out. I couldn’t take it home though since it had to be baked and everything for a week, but I was only staying there for two days :( How strong do you like your coffee? Not strong. I want milk in my coffee. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? Not right now. Describe your morning routine. Sluggish. Always lazy. Always grumpy. What strange food combinations do you thoroughly enjoy? I would experiment mayonnaise on anything edible. What's your favorite Elvis song? I don’t have one. Are there any songs you wish your favorite band would cover? Welp not really into covers, so. Paramore’s Fleetwood Mac and Drake covers are all a solid 12/10, though. Do you enjoy talking on the phone? Only with my girlfriend. Otherwise, it’s dreadful. Are you currently waiting for something to come in the mail? Nope. Would you rather see someone of the opposite sex naked or nicely dressed? Away from me. What makes your best friend the best? They are patient with me. That’s all I’ve always asked for. When was the last time you felt incredibly stupid or embarrassed? Ughhhhh fuck, awhile ago because I’M THE WORST. I was at a buffet and this waiter guy is making small talk, being super friendly. Unfortunately my ears decided to be the biggest pricks right at that moment and when he asked, “Have you been seated?” I couldn’t get myself to understand him and had to ask ‘sorry?’ FOUR. TIMES. Four times to repeat the freakin’ question. I couldn’t believe my guts. I suck. Made up for it by being just as friendly after that slipup. How do you go about cheering someone up? Depends on the person because they all have their own solutions. Others want to be left alone, some want to be hugged, to be listened to, to be given advice, need a shoulder to cry on, or just need a companion to stay silent with. I do all of those with or for my loved ones. How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Yikes. Serenade me with some lyrics from the song currently stuck in your head. “If I smile with my teeth, bet you’d believe me / If I smile with my teeth, I think I believe me.” What is the last thing you wrote down? (continuing this from last night) Notes I’ve written on my readings for history class. Tell me something great about the day/night you're having. ...I had just woken up. Get back to me with this question later on in the day.

Would you ever participate in a suspension? Of? What was the last thing to annoy you? My schedule doesn’t work with everyone else’s today. :/ Name five things that begin with the letter C. Cactus, coconuts, credit card, claw, cane. What's the title of the last book you bought? Yeah about that... Would you ever consider visiting Texas? I would, actually; but mostly because I have family living there. One of my second cousins that I’m really close with, Ate Joelle, urges me every year to come hang in Texas so I probably would once I’ve the money to. I don’t know much about the state though except Christianity is kind of huge. Where do you go when you need to escape? My room, Skywalk, or the college library. How big is your town's library? Ask that to our government, who never allots enough money for institutions like that :----) We don’t have any local libraries, nor parks, nor memorials, nor a museum save for one. Which bands would play in your dream concert? My favorites won’t merge well in a concert so meh. Do you know of any home remedies that work surprisingly well? No. If you could make a movie, what would it be about? I’ll leave that to my girlfriend, the bigger film major between the two of us. Tell someone something they need to know. That they’d have to be a huge dick to wake me up the way they did earlier. What's something you've never been able to live down? When I sang for a hundred or so party guests on my 7th birthday party. My parents definitely would never let me forget it–the entire thing is on CD. What's something that's been on your to-do list for awhile? Hahahahaha ughhhhh the mockery of this question. I guess do the stuff that I’ve been needing to do in Filipino. How do you take your mind off things? Surveys usually. YouTube videos sometimes. Tell me a joke. Eh, all the good ones I know of are in Filipino. Do you own a battle jacket? Nope.