#we had a couple literally change their minds the DAY we were supposed to get the lass

[feral-gaming]

You've been doing extremely well so you can do it!

(⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) heh

Give me, hm, two irl days and I'll get back to you on that

And that's a wrap!

I can't begin to describe how much love I have towards this route. Yeah Arven's is great because of Mabosstiff, but this one had so much to it, if that makes sense. Well, I think it has to do with how they handled such a sensitive topic that made me love it so much 🤔 All the characters were simply amazing ugh... Splendid. Absolutely, splendid.

Next up, becoming Champion! (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

[samkerrworshipper]

the lawn is dead. pt.2

hi! i wrote a part 2! i’m on a unofficial hiatus but had some inspiration the last few days and had to finish this. hope it provides a little bit more comfort then the last chapter .. sorry xo

warnings: suicidal themes, self harm themes, themes of depression, anxiety, dark thoughts. viewer discretion advised.

You can describe the carpet of this office better then most people can describe themselves.

It’s a rug, for the most part, except for the where it’s clear a person has chosen laziness in favour of lifting up the heavier furniture to place the rug down underneath it. Where the rug doesn’t cover, there is bleak grey carpet that feels more boring then the time you spend in this room.

Where the carpet lacks in literally everything, the rug makes up for it blindingly.

It’s a messy mixture of far too many colours, pinks, purples, blues, greens and neutrals. It doesn’t make any sense in your mind, why somebody would chose for the focal point of their room to be a rug that doesn’t match with any of the furniture. It’s another sign that the furniture came before the rug, all of the furniture is dark mahogany, beautiful pieces that look as if they’ve come from and English period piece, whereas the rug looks so modern it’s almost painful.

The rest of the furniture has been picked with similar taste.

The painting on the wall looks like what a child would vomit after going to a birthday party. Every time you’ve come here you’ve had a new analogy, but this week that is the one, it looks like stomach contents and you can’t get past it, to the point it’s made you physically nauseated.

From the painting moves onto the bookshelf, where there is a odd mix of medical textbooks, classics and selfawareness books, all stacked in such disarray that you have to keep your eyes away because it makes you uncomfortable.

Beyond the furniture is your psychologist, with her stupid fucking note pad, stupid glasses perched on the very tip of her nose and stupidly calm face that never really changed.

She was supposed to be a specialist, the best of the best, supposed to be the greatest and getting to the bottom of the most famous athletes problems and yet you found pride in alluding her.

One hour, every four days was what you were down to now, a couple of weeks ago it had been every other day and that had been fucking torture.

Sometimes all you wanted to do was rip her eyeballs out, or her brains, or something else. You swore she made your ears bleed and your will to live deteriorate with every second and it was already pretty low.

“You can’t avoid my question forever.”

It was also that annoying tone that sent you, the sort of tone that meant she knew that technically for the whole of the hour she could ask you whatever she pleased and you were technically supposed to answer her. Defiance on your end just ended up in you being suspended from something else that made your life just a tiny bit more liveable.

“No, I haven’t talked to Mapi yet.”

You’ve been avoiding it, there have bits and pieces of homework from your therapist, but this one is by far the hardest.

“How about Alexia, how does she feel about that.”

You don’t want to tell her that you and Alexia are in shambles as it is, add on the pressure of her best friend being psychologically destroyed because of you and just talking about any of it at all and it’s like dynamite.

“Supportive.”

Your therapist nods, but in the way that you know she doesn’t quite believe you.

“Have you started to reintegrate with the team? I know last time we talked you mentioned that before the incident you’d been feeling quite isolated because of your ankle injury. It’s important that you start to normalise your life again before you start to self isolate.”

You don’t call it self-isolation, you like to call it self protection. You protect yourself by pushing against the grain, by keeping to yourself. It’s a lot easier that way.

“I’ve been busy.”

It’s a lie and a blatant one, your days are filled with complete nothingness. You can’t play football, not until she clears you, and you know that it’s not going to happen anytime soon based on the trend of your current sessions. There has been the same amount of progress as there was two weeks ago when you started with her. You shut down at every attempt she makes to try and open you up, you talk when you have to. It’ll probably get you sent back to a ward. You don’t remember much from your transition from the hospital to home, but you do remember signing something that referred to you making significant process or else you would be sent back.

Progress for your therapist is getting more then two word responses from you. You’re aware she’s in kahoots with Alexia, that Alexia is probably providing her more information then you are.

“You’re giving me the look that means that you’re writing something down along the lines of ‘unncooperative’.”

She is also in kahoots with the staff at Barcelona, another thing you signed was that she would work in conjunction with the clubs doctors to get you back to where you were, or somewhere in the vicinity.

They know every time you have a bad session, you’re guaranteed a consolation call from one of the coaches or even sometimes a teammate check-in telling you how brave you are and how strong you are for doing this.

You don’t agree, you nearly took the cowards way out and you’re proud of it. You wish it had fucking worked, every single second, of every single day, you wish you’d succeeded, wished that this hadn’t all ended up how it did.

“That’s not what I wrote, I wrote a observation. Uncooperative would be you refusing to speak to me like you did for our first two sessions, even if you lie it’s still trying.”

You don’t want to be curious of her, you’ve tried to give her as little attention as possible.

You’ve adapted the act that you call, therapised you.

You do your best job of smiling here and there, or at least when you know that you’re supposed to. Therapised you extends to a few people, Alexia, coaches, physios, people on the street.

You believe you’ve become a seasoned liar.

The funniest part is that sometimes you start to believe your act, you start to believe that all the ash and embers in your chest is really alight with flames, like you’re truly alive.

But then, you would pause, sit down, lie down, dissasociate and you would be reminded that that wasn’t your body. Your body wasn’t a place of life and prosper, it was as dead as anywhere else.

“What was the observation?”

You try not to be curious over her, or curious in general, you keep everything to yourself.

“You’ve told me time and time again that you attempted because you believed that not a single person would care if you were gone. Yet you wrote a letter, you knew that somebody would care, somebody would miss you. Guilt is what kept you from doing it earlier and guilt was what kept you from vanishing without a trace. Your conscience was clean in your own words, but that’s not true, your conscience was anything but clean. So what pushed you over?”

You hate that therapists have a way of worming out weird bits of information that they can use against you to worm out more bits of information, like they know your brain inside to out.

“My conscience was clean.”

Your therapist pulls her glasses up from her nose and scribbles on her pad again.

“Why’d you write a note then, specifically why did you write a note to your ex girlfriend?”

There are so many things you could say to that, but you can’t quite find the words.

“Let me rephrase to make it easier. When you were in the hospital, and Alexia reacted so viscerally, you weren’t surprised. You expected her to feel something about what happened, you didn’t seem surprised at all by her words or actions. You knew that she was going to be hurt by what you did. So, how was your conscience truly clean?”

Thinking about Alexia in the hospital makes you feel as nauseous as the furniture does.

Your still mad at her, still mad at yourself for never changing her as your medical contact and medical proxy. It had all been a clusterfuck.

“I didn’t know Alexia was going to be there, I though that she’d washed her hands of me. I left her a note because I thought there had been things left unsaid between us and I didn’t want to leave that way.”

Your therapist nods, she doesn’t scribble this time and that makes the itchy feeling all over you die down a little bit.

“Alright, let’s move on. Your ankle injury, how’s that going?”

You look to the window, it’s a horrible day outside, just your luck when you’d chosen to walk to your therapists office on what was supposed to be a 20 degree day with sunny skies. It was the epitome of your life, high expectations, low realities.

“Well three weeks between a hospital and psychiatric facility are probably the best thing anybody can do for a injury.”

You let out a self-deprecating chuckle and your therapist does nothing but scribble.

“So you’ve been doing your rehab as advised then?”

Rehab, both kinds, is mind-bogglingly boring. You go to your therapist and she tells you all the ways you have to work to rehab your brain, she gives you medication after medication and exercise after exercise. The same happens every time you see your physio, test after test, exercise after exercise.

Your stuck in the same cycle of boredom, it makes you wonder how people ever expect you to get better when all you are doing is living in a constant state of suffering.

“The physios are happy with me, say that if I continue on the track that I am I should be back on the pitch in a few weeks, with psychological clearance.”

At the current therapeutic rate your going at, you don’t think you’ll see a psychological clearance until your 50th birthday, if you’re lucky.

“How does it feel coming back from that injury, especially considering how the decline in your physical health simulatenously resulted in the decrease in your mental health?”

You keep silent, because you know that if you talk then it’s doing to be something emotional. When you don’t know how to answer questions without exposing yourself you opt to keep quiet, it’s a obvious tell that you feel uncomfortable with the question. But giving away a tell is a whole lot better then starting an emotional downpour.

“Y/n?”

You look at your shoes. You only were allowed to start wearing one on your bad foot a week ago, and you’d forgotten how hard it was to coordinate shoes with your clothes. This morning you’d thought that they matched with your pants but now they look much darker then they truly are against the grey carpet. The mix of your navy adidas that you might have stolen from Mapi’s wardrobe a couple of months ago when she was complaining about the amount of shoes she’d been sent with your grey wide leg pants was a interesting choice but therapy wasn’t a fashion parade. The shoes don’t quite fit your feet, that’sc how you remembered they weren’t yours. When you’d taken them, it had been during some kind of team bonding night at Mapi and Ingrid’s apartment. Life had been so good, Alexia and you had been so good and for once you’d kind of felt like you were beginning to fit in.You’d never felt that way before that era of your life.

But like most things, it was now a far distant memory.

“The injury wasn’t what made me depressed.”

It’s a half truth, you suppose. Yes, the injury definitely contributed to the factors that trigger your depression, but it wasn’t a sole cause.

“I disagree.”

More scribbling on her note pad, in your opinion it must be some psychological form of torture. You’ll google it when you get home, check to make sure that this isn’t a form of manipulation to somehow convince you to say the things that she wants you to.

“If you disagree then tell me why you think that.”

It’s daring of you to say, there is nearly a 99.99 percent chance that whatever she says you are going to deny vehemently. Even if she hits it right on the nail.

“I think that you don’t give yourself enough grace for the challenges that you’ve gone through. You came to Barcelona because you were running from things, from your past. You’ve never stopped running, truly. Everytime somebody gets close enough to begin to try and worm their feet into your shoes to try and relive some of it with you, you shut them down and stop it. For most people, shoes are a means of getting to where they want, for you, you keep running because if you stop you feel like you’ll suffocate, like your feet will be wrapped up in barb wire and you’ll be stuck. For whatever reason, you don’t think anybody will ever be able to empathise with that. You think that if you ever let anybody in for long enough that they learn what you’ve been running from that they’ll try and stop you, that you’ll be faced with everything that you’ve ever struggled with. So, you keep running, and running, you’ve always been in a state of escape. With your relationship, you finally stopped running, you slowed to a jog. Then, you got injured. All of a sudden you felt like you were stuck and instead of letting yourself finally come to a stop and accepting help and complete love for once in your life, and being vulnerable. You chose to start running again, running from your friends, running from your team, running from every single good thing that you’d gotten in your life until you were so consumed with all the running that you just wanted it all to stop. But you didn’t know how to stop parts of your life without stopping other parts, so you chose to stop it all.”

You don’t know what to say for a few seconds. You’ve never had the feeling that you’ve been experiencing your whole life summed up, you don’t know how to feel about it.

You look at your psychologist, and somehow she looks back at you in a way that you somehow feel like she understands, you’ve never really felt that way about her.

It’s always felt like she’s judging you, like it’s her job to judge every single thing you say. Or at least that’s the way you’ve always seen it. It’s her job to make sure you don’t fall of the rails again, to make decisions about what you can and can’t do. It’s never been a possibility for you that maybe she’s here for a little bit more then just the business side of it all.

“Is that it? Did you come to a point where it felt like you had no other option but to just make it all stop?”

You bite your lip so hard you think it might just bleed, it’s a mission to try and stop the tears that have begun to cling to the back of your eyes at bay. You’ve never cried during a therapy session, and there is no reason why today should be different. The amount of people you’ve cried in front of is limited to a very, very short list of people and you don’t intend for your psychologist to be added.

“It would be okay if that was it. It’s okay to admit that for you at that time it felt like there was no other option but to make it all stop.”

You feel muzzled, like you can’t speak without admitting to something that you don’t want to.

“I thought it would make it all better.”

Your therapist puts down her notepad, and you feel a whole load of anxiety rush out of you.

“You thought it would make what better?”

You keep your tooth pinned to your lip, if it draws blood, it draws blood. The pain helps to take your focus off of the word vomit you can feel coming up.

“Everyone else’s lives.”

Your response is croaky, and when your therapist points to the glass of water you don’t shake your head like normal, you find yourself reaching for it and taking a few tentative sips.

“What about your life, what about making your own life better?”

You take a few more sips, because it stalls the conversation for long enough that you can think up an answer that doesn’t make it sound like you are completely insane.

“I was never really thinking about it like that.”

You look at her, eye to eye again, and there is this weird understanding between the two of you. You can feel it, whether or not it’s real, for the first time you feel like you aren’t crazy for thinking the way that you do. It’s a weird kind of safety that you’ve never had.

“For a minute, I want you to close your eyes and think about exactly what you want, whether it’s the future, it’s right now. Not football, not other people, nobody else. Just you.”

You humour her, and close your eyes.

For a few seconds, you can’t think of much. You’ve never been a future thinker, not beyond emergency plans and second options.

You think about death for a few seconds, a couple of weeks ago it was all you could think of. Permanent, irreversible disappearance. Even then though, it wasn’t what you were actually yearning for, not truly, it was just an easy solution to complex problems, problems that still haven’t been solved.

You think long and hard, and eventually you find a pleasantness.

You want to resolve things with Alexia, you know that for sure. It’s been impossible trying to navigate your relationship in your new reality. You want to get to a place where it’s less impossible. You want happiness with her, pure happiness. You also want some kind of return to football, you don’t know how. You’ve never really played football because it’s what you love, you’ve never loved your sport, it’s more been about having something that could take you places when inevitable wherever you had been was no longer an option because you’d somehow fucked it up.

You want a better relationship with yourself, you want to understand why you think the way you do and why you can’t think the same way and be the same way as everyone. You want to get past the fear you have that you will never be the same.

When you have nothing else to think about, you open your eyes, to your psychologist smiling at you.

“That’s our hour, I’m really happy to leave this here and circle back to some of it in a couple of days. The progress you’re making is definitely getting bigger and I’m happy to sign off on you getting some hours in the gym if your physios are happy with it. I’ll call the team tonight and we can work out a plan that works best.”

You’re in slight disbelief as she speaks.

“You’re sure?”

You stay seated for the sake of making sure that you haven’t somehow dreamt up what she’s just said.

“If you try and make some progress with your homework. I want you to try and talk to Mapi, a text message, coffee, something. I want you to talk to Alexia beyond her being a caregiver for you and I want you to make progress with your teammates, don’t avoid the gym if you know they are going to be there, don’t avoid team events, dip a toe in the water with them and I can guarantee you will have a very different outcome then what you think.”

Contingencies. One thing you’ve learnt about therapy is that there are always contingencies, it’s always a give and take, never one or the other.

You nod your head anyways, somehow, with her weird manipulation games you’ve managed to agree to something that the version of you from and hour ago never would have.

“I’ll try.”

Your therapist smiles and stands up, for whatever reason there is always a part of you that loves the end of your sessions but also never wants to leave.

Whether it seems like it or not, you actually do want to get better, you just don’t know what better looks like for you and that’s scary. You’ve never met the version of yourself that is ‘better’ or ‘normal’. You can’t say that you want to be your old self because there hasn’t ever been a version of yourself that feels better. You’ve always been in the slums, always been dragging yourself through the thickest mud to try and make it to the end of a day or month or year. You don’t actually want to survive like that, you want to live your life properly, or whatever non-sluggish life looks like for you.

Your still desperately trying to work that out.

Alexia is waiting in the carpark as usual, it’s always the same carpark, always the same consolation hot chocolate in her hands afterwards.

Once you’ve sat down in her passenger seat, put on your seatbelt and the takeaway cup is settled in your hands she broaches the topic of your session.

“How was it?”

There is always an awkwardness around your sessions, Alexia picks your up from every one, on the odd occasion she’ll join in if your therapist thinks it would be good. Otherwise, she spends the time sitting in her car and picking up hot drinks.

It’s infinitely awkward between the two of you, but Alexia in your opinion is mostly to blame for that.

She’d been the first person to put her hand up to be your carer, your glorified babysitter.

You know it’s a guilt thing, she feels guilty that part of your pain could have been because of her, even though you’ve insisted time and time again that it wasn’t.

“Fine.”

Therapy is a tough topic for you, mostly because you’ve never wanted to be there in the first place. You’d been tricked into going from the beginning, Alexia insisting that she was taking you to a appointment to check up on your scars when really it had been to your psychologists office. You’d yelled and screamed and insisted that she take you home, but at the end of the day if you ever wanted to play football again it was obvious you were going to have to suck it up.

You hadn’t talked to Alexia for days after that, which is funny because that was less then three weeks ago and now you’re here.

“Fine?”

You nod your head, it’s hard to find words after a normal session, but after this one it’s ever harder.

“I made some progress.”

Alexia nods, you know there are probably a hundred questions going through her head right now, but she won’t ask them. She’s too scared that if she asks them, she’ll get an answer that will terrify her. One that will restart all of the problems, even if that isn’t really how it works. Alexia doesn’t understand mental health, that’s become frighteningly obvious over the past few weeks. She doesn’t understand your struggles because she’s never experienced them. She’s never had self hatred or depression or overwhelming anxiety. It’s what makes you feel so alienated and so out of place amongst your peers. You feel like a shark amongst a sea of dolphins, like you look the same but when it comes down to it you are completely different.

“That’s good, no?”

You nod your head, disguising the grimace on your face by the mouth of the lid on your hot chocolate.

“She says I can start doing some hours in the gym.”

Alexia smiles, big and wide, like it’s her whose been given the good news.

“That’s good bebita, you’ll be on the pitch in no time.”

The pitch. It’s all Alexia cares about.

When you can be back, how she can get you to the point you can be back. Because when Alexia is injured, it’s all she cares about. What she can do to get herself back on the pitch, how she can make the rehab process faster, she thinks of every single logistic and possibility.

You want to make it back to the pitch, or you think you do. But it’s not your priority. It’s become abundantly clear that your main priority has to be yourself, figuring yourself out.

“Mhm.”

You focus your energy on counting how many bike riders pass Alexia’s car as she navigates through peak city traffic. You get to 38 before she interrupts your intense search for every person on two wheels.

“Vicky’s supposed to be coming over later, I promised I’d help her with a school project. I can go to her house instead if you’d prefer?”

Every time Alexia’s broached the topic of teammates you’ve immediately refused any contact, and your immediate reaction is to say no. but you think about what your therapist said.

“I might text Mapi and see if she wants to talk to me.”

You hear the sound of Alexia’s shock in the form of a choken sort of cough, she tries to cover it up by slapping her hand against the wheel of her car, but it doesn’t do much.

“I think that would be a really good idea, bebita, I think she would be really happy to see you.”

You don’t look at Alexia, you don’t want to see the look of perplexion or shock or whatever emotion she’s going through. You haven’t seen Mapi since the hospital, and as little as you remember from then, you remember Mapi very clearly.

She had been just as out of it as you’d been, refusing to leave your bedside but Ingrid having to do everything for her to keep her alive. Every time she visited you, she looked like she’d seen a ghost, or something worse. You weren’t sure what was worse, seeing somebody dead or seeing somebody who was hanging on the cliff of life and death and having to save their life, knowing that if action hadn’t of been taken they would be dead.

Definitely the latter.

“I’ll text her, see if she can come and pick you up before Vicky comes over?”

You nod your head, allowing yourself to focus back on counting your tally, except moving over to motorcycles this time.

You shower with the bathroom door halfway open. There are no sharps anywhere in your apartment, knives, razors, scissors, nail clippers, vegetable peelers, glasses, anything that could cause any kind of bodily harm. For now, you aren’t allowed to be left alone for longer then an hour. You sleep with your bedroom door open and Alexia sleeping in the guest room next door. You eat a set meal plan, you do two hours of rehab every single day, you live on a schedule that is so carefully planned that you have no time to yourself and yet every single moment feels lonely.

It’s a process, you’ve been told. It’s crucial to your recovery that there are measurements in place to assure your ‘success’.

Alexia knocks on your door every five minutes whilst you shower, you yell back every time.

It had become a rule after the first time you’d showered with the door open you’d made a joke about using the shower curtain to harm yourself, because what did they really expect you to be doing?

It hadn’t gone well, Alexia going silent for a few days and a very heated conversation with your psychologist about the inappropriateness of making jokes about suicide.

It was your trauma, it was your fucking story, and everyone was acting like it was their most sensitive issue.

Bathrooms are a bit of a touchy subject, you don’t shower in your ensuite bathroom anymore, you can’t. The room has permanently been blocked off, completely forgotten about.

The first thing you want to do once you’ve ‘recovered’ is leave this apartment, there are to many bad memories, it feels like you’ll never be able to recover if your stuck in the same place that you were in when it all went bad.

It’s a problem for when you can deal with the stress of packing up your whole life and moving it to somewhere.

When you shut the water off and step out of the warm stream you let yourself breathe, showers are the only real alone time you get. Everywhere else you are supervised, watched like a hawk to make sure that you don’t try anything else that could jeopardise your return to football. The reality is that Barca can’t afford to have you sit on the sideline for a whole season, they need you back, they can’t risk another slip up.

Alexia at least gives you the privacy of getting dressed in your own wardrobe, all of your wired bras have been removed, but for the most part it’s all normal.

You get dressed in another sweat suit, it’s become your new uniform over the last few weeks, no draw strings of course.

Your hair gets swept into a messy bun, it’s too much effort to deal with the brushing and braiding and tying that you would have normally gone through with a couple of weeks ago. You aren’t allowed to wear jewellery anymore so your accessories consist of pretty much nothing. You’re bare from the bones to your clothes, your soul feels as bare as the rest of your body.

You’re allowed to wear laced shoes, but you often opt not to, slip on birkenstocks or uggs are just easier. The Barcelona January chill has been getting to you recently, so you upt for your ugg boots.

Your outfit choice is the most choice you get in your day, so you try and put as little thinking into it as possible, it’s easier for you to just succumb to the reality that everything in your life is controlled by other people.

By the time you’ve finished, you’re towing very close to the time Mapi had told Alexia she’d come and meet you. You collect the things that you might need from your vanity and shove them in your pocket, before making your way out to your living room.

It’s unofficially become Alexia’s office, her laptop and books cover your dining table now. She lives out of your apartment, leaves only for training and barcelona commitments, so it’s fair to say that she’s made herself at home.

When you were living together before, it had bothered you more, having her things everywhere. Alexia is a organiser, of everything and everybody but herself. You’d spend hours telling her to pick up her shoes from random spots around the apartment floor or getting her to pick up random clothing items laying on top of pieces of furniture. This mess is different, it reflects how the situation is different. There is nothing comfortable about your predicament, it’s not the same kind of comfortable coexistence you had when you were dating Alexia.

There is a boundary between the two of you now and it makes it all so much more confusing.

Alexia isn’t just your friend or your teammate, she’s you caregiver, the person who holds you accountable, unofficially the person who is supposed to keep you from doing anything to yourself. It adds a whole layer of stress to the situation, you can’t relax around her the same way you used to.

Your relationship is never going to be the same, but parts of you wished that Alexia hadn’t taken over the burden of caring for you, because maybe the two of you could work on rebuilding yourselves as a couple instead of Alexia trying to rebuild you as a person, as if you are a broken lego set that needed to be put back together.

She spends most of her time in your living room, doesn’t push the boundary of your bedroom unless it’s needed.

She’s sat at the kitchen table, preparing herself to help with whatever project it is that Vicky needs help with.

“Shouldn’t Vicky have maybe asked one of the younger girls? You’re practically ancient now, they probably teach the kids these days history from when you were growing up.”

Whatever Alexia looks like she’s going to be helping with looks like something she’s definitely not qualified in, although Alexia’s never the person to say no.

“You’re acting like I’m a dinosaur, I’m only four years older then you.”

She rolls her eyes at you and it feels so normal, for a second you feel so much more normal. Life would be so much easier if everybody stopped treating you like a fine fucking piece of china. An eye roll here or there, a yell here or there, some kind of emotion beyond sympathy would be nice.

“I mean, in comparison to Vicky you’re pretty much from the stone ages.”

Alexia rolls her eyes again, she looks like she’s about to fight back against you but a knock at the door silences you both.

All of a sudden the little smile is gone and the air goes thick again, thick with the reminder that you can’t just exist in a bubble of nothingness were nobody else exists and you can just be free from everything.

Alexia gets up to open the door, and you let her, allowing yourself to loiter around the table and enjoy the moment for just a little bit longer. It’s that moment that might just get you through what is about to happen.

Alexia calls for you and you know it’s Mapi, you know it’s Mapi because Mapi won’t step foot in your apartment.

Ingrid had come to visit when you’d come home, along with a handful of other people, but Mapi hadn’t been one of them. Ingrid had explained that it had been to hard for her, that she’d made it to the door but couldn’t come in, and you couldn’t find it in you to blame her.

Mapi smiles at you when she sees you, it’s the first time you’ve seen her since the hospital and the both of you look very different since then.

She looks less dead, that’s the first thing you take notice of. She doesn’t look like she would blow away into a puff of smoke if a gust of wind came past. She looks good, she looks healed.

Mapi and you don’t talk, for whatever reason, you take the normal walk you would every sunday morning before it happened.

Down from your apartment, onto the main street, up to the mouth of the road, across the street and then onto the boardwalk.

It’s the main reason you chose your apartment, it’s right next to the beach. Perfect for post matchday swims and a morning walk on the beach. It used to be yours and Mapi’s pregame routine and it’s easy to fall into the rhythm of your feet moving down the sidewalk.

No words are spoken until the two of you are seated on the sand, a wordless agreement that you both come to when your toes hit the beach.

You’re both seated, your eyes looking over the horizon. Your too scared to break the silence, so you wait for Mapi.

“You look good, chica.”

You nod your head, you feel better, you must look better then how you did.

“I feel better.”

Mapi nods, when her hand reaches out to sit on top of your own on the sand, you don’t flinch away, it feels good to have a physical connection with a person who isn’t Alexia.

The silence falls over the two of you again, except this time it feels less uncomfortable. You let it linger for a little bit, before you feel in a place to speak.

“I need to say thank you. I know I said some things in the hospital, I meant it in the moment but I want to take it back now. You saved me, you did something so brave and amazing and the version of me now is so grateful that you did.”

Mapi stops your rant, before you can say something else.

“I would have done it for anybody else.”

The problem is you think, that you aren’t anybody else. It would be so much easier to give cpr to a random person on the street and never see them again, never have to be worried that you would see them again and there would be some kind of problem.

“But you did it for me. You saved me from myself, and I want you to know that I genuinely am so thankful for you. You didn’t choose the easy option and I put you in a extremely hard position. If anything had of happened to me, you would have blamed yourself and it wouldn’t have been your fault but you would have felt like it was.”

Mapi nods, and then you hear a sniffle and it makes you feel horrible.

Mapi’s crying, she’s crying and you don’t know what to do.

“You begged me to reverse it, in the hospital, you didn’t say some things. You begged me to stab you or do something. You told me it was my fault you were alive and that it was my responsibility to undo what I’d done.”

You take a deep breath, you didn’t remember it being that bad, but you remember Alexia telling you that some of the things you’d said had been unrepeatable.

“I can’t reverse what I said, in that moment I was in so much pain Maps. I actually can’t tell you how much pain i was in, all I wanted was to disappear. I’m working through not feeling that way and that starts by apologising. You did not deserve to experience what you did. You did not deserve to see what you did. You did not deserve to hear what I said to you. I am sorry. There is nothing I can say that will make any of it okay, I am sorry that for whatever reason god chose you to be the person burdened with this. I am so sorry.”

Mapi sniffles again. You knew that the possibility of no reconciliation was possible, that Mapi would reject any offer of apologies you had, you’d just really hoped it wouldn’t be like that.

“You’ve been like a little sister to me. I know you didn’t feel like we were that close, but I saw so much of me in you from when I was younger, and that was part of the reason I ended up at your apartment that night. Because I was worried, more then anybody else. I had this weird feeling, and I hated that I was right about it. You were like my little sister, and I watched as they strapped you onto a gurney and wheeled you off whilst telling me that they would try their hardest. I don’t blame you, there is no blame for something like this. But I need you to understand that I can’t just get over what I www, I’m working through it, I’m trying. My therapist has really been helping me, but it’s not going to disappear.”

You nod, Mapi and you have been through two mirroring experiences, and oddly you feel the same way about your own therapy. You’re working through it, you’re trying, but nothing that has happened is ever going to disappear, with yourself or with your peers.

“Maps, you’re allowed to experience however you want. If you never want to see me again I won’t hate you.”

Mapi shakes her head.

“I don’t know how I feel yet, I just need you to know that I understand that the you right now is different to the you from weeks ago, and you are entitled to separate yourself from that person. You don’t have to be that person if you don’t want to be. Let yourself live in the new version of you, the old version died back then.”

You bite your lip, there is beginning to become a permanent divet from your front teeth, you like it in a weird way.

“I’m trying, I’m really trying.”

Mapi nods, raising her arm from your hand, to your shoulders, bringing you into her side.

“We’ll try together then, huh? You try for me and I’ll try for you?”

You nod your head, and for the first time it doesn’t feel like you’re totally alone in the battle that you’re fighting. It’s still very much your battle, but it feels like you have somebody in your corner letting you know that you are going to be okay.

—————————————

well aware it’s not edited… if u have an issue with that such my dick xoxo

hope you enjoyed !!!! 🫶🫶🫶🫶

[such-expensive-mistakes]

Superpham AU (part 4)

Original prompt + parts 1-3

Masterpost

-----

It's not the most awkward dinner Lois has ever had, but only because she's dined with literal supervillains before.  

Danny is poking at his Mongolian beef with his fork more than he's actually eating it.  Lois can hardly blame him; it’s been a difficult few days for her and she’s not the one who just landed in a different dimension from the one she grew up in.  But Danny certainly isn’t up to keeping conversation going.

Jon is making a valiant effort, but he seems distracted.  He keeps shooting looks at Lois and Clark when he thinks they’re not looking, and while he recounts everything he and Damian got up to (not too much trouble, thankfully, although that wasn’t saying much), he’s less enthusiastic than he would normally be.  

Clark keeps shooting Jon worried looks when he thinks Jon isn’t looking.  Lois will have to ask him how that conversation went; it seems like it was rough on both of them. 

Eventually, even Jon runs out of things to say, and the four of them sit around the table, eating their Chinese takeout in silence.  

“So, Danny,” Lois finally says.  “I don’t know how the dimension you grew up in differs from this one, but if you have any questions about anything, please ask one of us.”

“It’s not that different,” Danny says.  “I mean, it is in some ways, but it’s still Earth, you know?”

Lois isn’t entirely certain she does, but this doesn’t seem to be the time to ask.  Maybe when things are less fresh.

Jon has no such compunctions.  “What’s the biggest difference?” 

Danny looks thoughtful.  “You guys have a lot of superheroes here,” he finally says.

“What kind of superheroes did your other world have?” Jon asks eagerly.  

“We mostly didn’t,” Danny says.  “I mean, I guess Phantom kind of counts.  But that’s it.”

“That’s it?” Jon is clearly flabbergasted by this.  Lois fights a smile, and she can see Clark doing the same thing.  Jon has never known a world without the Justice League, but she and Clark can both remember when superheroes were much, much rarer.

“Most people probably wouldn’t even count Phantom,” Danny says.  “The kids mostly did, but a lot of adults didn’t trust him because he was… because he wasn’t exactly human.”

Combined with what Danny said before about that interdimensional portal, this is painting a picture Lois really doesn’t like.

“There are folks like that everywhere, unfortunately,” Clark says.  “And you can’t always change their minds. But I believe most people are better than that."

Judging by Danny's expression, he wasn't entirely convinced of that. Lois couldn't blame him; she has enough trouble seeing the good in people the way Clark did, and the other dimension sounds worse than hers in this regard.  

Danny doesn’t seem inclined to talk about it any further.  Silence lingers for just a beat too long before he speaks.  “Oh, the sun’s yellow here.  That’s different, too.”

-----

The front door slams, shaking the house, and Jon scrambles into the kitchen.  

“Where’s Ma and Pa?” he demands.

Kon mentally says goodbye to his tentative plans for the day.  Not that he minds hanging out with Jon, but he’s clearly upset about something.  Kon’s good at a lot of things, but emotional conversations is not one of them.

“They’re in town for the day,” Kon says.  “You’re lucky they didn’t hear you slam the door like that.”

“Did you know about Danny?” Jon demands.

“Who?”

“Dan-El.”

Clark texted a couple of days ago, telling Kon to call when he had time.  Kon has been putting it off, knowing that Clark has better ways of getting in touch with him if there’s a real emergency.  That’s starting to seem like a mistake.

He doesn’t answer Jon right away, which Jon seems to take as its own answer.  

“Did everyone know but me?” Jon demands.

The thing is, Kon is pretty sure he's not supposed to know about Dan-El. Lois and Clark have never breathed a word about him in Kon's hearing.

He only knows because he spent an afternoon helping Ma go through some old boxes up in the attic and found a box of photos-- mostly of Clark as a kid, but some of Ma and Pa when they were younger.

"Oh goodness," Ma had said, when she'd notices what Kon was looking at. "I keep telling myself I'm going to organize those and put them in an album, but I never get around to it."

She'd sat down next to Kon and looked through the pictures with him, pointing out her favorites and telling stories to accompany them. ("And that one was from just after Clark's tenth birthday-- we had to get a new door because his strength was just coming in and he broke the old one.")

Then Kon had pulled out a photo of a toddler, sitting on the front porch with Pa. He'd thought it was a picture of Clark at first, but Pa's hair was considerably more gray than it was in the pictures from Clark's childhood, and Ma had just told him that the porch had been rebuilt and expanded after Clark broke the old one in tenth grade.

"Oh, that's Daniel," Ma said. She'd gently taken the photo from Kon's hand and ran a finger over not-Clark's face. "He was our first grandson-- Lois and Clark's oldest." She'd gone on to tell him the whole sad story.

There's a small headstone for Daniel Kent in the Smallville cemetery, right next to Pa's parents. Kon thinks it must have been Ma or Pa's idea; there was no body to bury and as far as he knows, Lois and Clark never visit it.

“I don’t think that’s it,” Kon says.  “I think it’s just not something they talk about.”  Jon doesn’t look convinced, so he adds, “They told you now, right?”

“Only after he showed up!” 

“Wait, what?”  Kon is starting to think he really should have replied to that message from Clark.

-----

Not for the first time, Clark wishes there was a handbook for this sort of thing.  But oddly enough, parenting manuals generally don’t cover how to talk to your long-lost son about his alien heritage.  He’s put this off long enough already; Danny had spent most of the previous day out with Lois, picking up all the necessities he didn’t have.

“So…” Danny says, kicking his feet a little.  He’s sitting next to Clark on this skyscraper, his feet dangling over the edge.  It makes Clark a little nervous, seeing how Danny can’t fly yet, but he also knows he’s fast enough to catch Danny if he were to fall.

"Lois said you're an alien?" The words are softened by the blatant curiosity in Danny's tone, and Clark remembers Lois recounting how excited Danny was to meet J'onn and to see space from the Watchtower. 

It's a sentiment Clark can understand. He's traveled through space and met aliens both hostile and friendly. He regularly meets with his colleagues on an orbiting space station. And yet, seeing his adopted planet from space still fills him with awe.

"When I was born, my parents— my birth parents— already knew our planet, Krypton, was dying," Clark begins. It's not an easy story to tell, but the grief is old. Not gone, but distant. It's a place and a people he will never know except through stories and the archives in the Fortress— but those, at least, he can share. He tells Danny this, too, and promises to take him to the Fortress soon. It would be easier if Danny could fly, but he'll make it work. 

"You should talk to Kara, too," Clark adds. 

"Who's Kara?"

"My cousin. Right now she's in space, on a Justice League mission, but you'll meet her when she gets back. She was a teenager when Krypton was destroyed; she has firsthand memories."  He’ll save explaining the part where she got caught in suspended animation for later; he’s dumped a lot of information on Danny already.

“You said something the other night about yellow sun radiation?” Danny asks.

“It’s what gives Kryptonians our power, here on Earth,” Clark says.  

“And what powers are those, exactly?” Danny seems more hesitant than Clark would usually expect of a teenager finding out he’s going to develop superpowers— but then, they already know Danny grew up in a world where that sort of thing was feared and looked down upon.  

“Enhanced sense, enhanced strength and speed, flight, invulnerability— there are others, but those are the main ones to expect.”

Danny nods thoughtfully.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Tressym can be Fickle

WORDS: 692 RATING: G PAIRING: Gale x Tav SUMMARY: based on a very real arguement between my husband & I on who our cat likes more.

It had been a long, arduous, grueling day at the academy.

Though Gale loved his new role as a professor and educator, teaching the young minds of witches & wizards all across Faerun to harness their magic, induction week was the worst. He felt his life was in less peril fighting the Elder Brain or any of their other enemies & cohorts along the Sword Coast than he was now. Testing the new inductees to file them accordingly to their skill. ��Skill’ being a very loose word tossed around this week.

He returned home that evening with a heavy sigh through the door, an even heavier thud of his satchel filled with books, and a desperate need to be tended to by his spouse. The whole day had been about soothing the egos, feelings, and on occasion literal wounds of new students that Gale thought he deserved some tending to now.

“Tav?” He called out as he put his cloak away. Usually, they greeted him at the door. Or at least acknowledged him when he came home. Curious, Gale walked through the house to try and find them. His search not long as he came upon Tav in the living room. On the couch by a low fire, with Tara on their lap. “Well….don’t you two look cozy.”

“Hmm, we rather are Mr. Dekarios.” Tara agreed. “Or at least we were, until someone started shouting.”

“Apologies for shouting in my own house.” Gale snipped at Tara. Taking his own plush armchair across from them. “Since when did you become a lap cat? And, before you get too ruffled under the feathers, it’s a figure of speech.”

Tara hummed. Seeming to debate about not letting it go but was perhaps indeed to comfortable to make a fuss. “Very recently I suppose. I never had an interest until now.” The tressym purred with her eyes closed as she tilted her head up towards Tav and her head scratches.

“You never took an interest with me.” Gale said with a deep frown.

“You do not have nails, Mr. Dekarios.”

The wizard growled and stood up. Unable to watch his dearest friend and lover betray him like this in front of his own eyes. It was still early for dinner but he stalked off towards the kitchen to focus his frustrations on what to eat.

A few moments later, Tav came in. Looking confused on why he was so upset. “Sorry.” He apologized quickly. “It’s just been a long day. And I am glad that you and Tara are getting along now. Guess I’m being….overly sensitive at being shut out. Tressym can be fickle, but I’ve never known Tara to change her mind about anyone. Again, not that I’m not pleased you two are getting along. I just never thought I would suddenly be second in her estimation.”

“Suddenly second? Please Mr. Dekarios.” The couple turned to see Tara trot in. Seeming interested in their conversation. “I wouldn’t say that you were suddenly second. Not given my high esteem of your mother. A better estimate is which one of you is second on the day, and who is third.”

“Really Tara? Kick a man while he’s down??”

“But, I’m a reasonable creature. Perhaps my estimations can be over swayed. Perhaps with a bit of chicken? Fried pigeons if you have any?”

“So a creature of reason but not honor, eh?” Gale stated, with a wave of his hand as if he wish to brush away this whole conversation.

Before he could leave, Tav wrapped their arms around his waist. Pulling him close. The smell of their hair in his nose. Something like ‘you’ll always be number 1 to me’ muffled into his chest, which causes him to smile and hold them back.

They tell Gale to go upstairs and relax. Take a bath if he liked, while they made dinner. That sounded heavenly, so he did just that.

When he came back down, he was not amused by the roast chicken on his plate. Nor the grinning little tressym in the corner, licking her chops like she’d just swallowed a canary. Or, perhaps, her bribery chicken.

[prettyoddfever]

I just wanted to say, I love your blog. You post so much information that’s not only interesting, but also validating, as someone who sees 24/7 misinterpretations of the band’s history on TikTok (I have an account where I post edits there). I first became active in the Panic fandom literally as the band was splitting up, which was just /amazing/ lol, but I took a huge step back from fandoms/online communities related to my interests when I started college. I recently came back around a year or so ago, because I enjoy making edits and wanted to indulge in my interests again, only to find out that 90% of Panic-related content online has just been overrun with misinformation/Brendon-haters etc. It was honestly jarring for me because so many of the things people claim as evidence of Brendon being horrible (That he assaulted and abused Ryan, that the band split up because Brendon forced Ryan out, that Ryan was basically forced out of the frontman role, etc…), are just so crazy to someone who knows that’s just not accurate! Your blog has reassured me that I am not crazy and the way I remember things is not a figment of my imagination lol. Even though I was very young when some of these things were happening, my older sister was OBSESSED with Panic and I was into whatever she was into, haha, we still reminisce to this day. I have been literally harassed on TikTok for commenting “in defense” of Brendon Urie underneath a post where someone insisted that every time he got near Ryan on stage, it was without Ryan’s consent. I knew that Brendon had “got cancelled” but I had no idea that people were that serious about it… When half of the things they claim aren’t even real. I know it’s not their fault that they’ve consumed misinformation, but there is no changing people’s minds, even with evidence, which is sad to me. It really sucks that newer fans of the band have such a bitter, twisted narrative around the band’s early eras and the split. But so many of the things they reference happened before they were probably born, yet they swear they’re more knowledgeable than someone who was kinda there…

Anyway, I’m sorry for the wall of text, I just needed to get that out and I really appreciate the time and effort you put into your blog! Not only is it just fun to read, but it really takes me back to my growing-up years, and it’s refreshing to see a take on PATD that’s more “normal” in my eyes.

You put this so well oh my goodness. 100% yes to everything you said. I've heard similar things from some other returning fans over the past couple years and I just relate to all of it so much. I mentioned at the bottom of this post how I drifted away from the Panic fandom for about a decade and coming back was so confusing at first. But trying to wrap my mind around everything also helped me understand modern politics in a way, though? Like now I can see how it's totally possible that a large crowd of people can literally invent their own reality, readily believe whatever they hear in their echo chamber, and then willfully ignore facts, evidence, and firsthand accounts if those contradict the narrative they'd prefer to believe.

Sometimes I'm sad for some newer P!ATD fans who could easily spare themselves a lot of stress & perceived injustice by simply learning about the real band & members. But they're free to focus on whatever they want, I suppose. I'd rather spend my time focusing on fun memories and organizing my little Special Interest mess lol. I’m also happy to clarify stuff or try to answer questions if people are genuinely curious... it’s fun to see others who are interested. Anyways, I'm so glad you're still a fan of the band! Sorry it took me months to reply. And I love your wall of text because it means you care. 🧡

[exhausted-archivist]

The Deep Roads are Complicated, and I am in too Deep...

I've been working on and off at mapping the Deep Roads for a while now and after writing 4 pages explaining my methodology of why I think it is mapped the way I put it and then moving on to orienting the ttrpg thaig map, I realized something while taking notes on the directions mentioned and cross-referencing it to the description of Horrors of Hormak thaig description.

You can't map the Deep Roads from a top-down perspective because sometimes the roads change directions and aren't actually going in a straight line.

They need an orthographic map. Or a map that essentially bisects the mountain. The literal map in the corner of both the Origins and ttrpg maps. The maps... that have increments of depth.

Now, I knew that the deep roads had to change elevation, especially considering how they're described and the way they're supposedly below sea level for most thaigs.

But somehow, despite knowing that, I never considered that thaigs and the roads themselves would essentially be stacked on top of each other. Don't know why that never crossed my mind up until I was checking my notes and the passages of the ttrpg and Horrors of Hormak to confirm directions. To which it finally clicked as they both explain how there are galleries/antechambers and staircases/pathways that change directions.

How do we get to the thaig? This tunnel leads to a series of galleries. Think of them as interconnecting wide flights of stairs linked together and occasionally switching direction. We head down these for a few hours and we’ll be on the outskirts of the thaig.

-- Dragon Age Tabletop RPG, Buried Pasts p. 18

Beside him, Lesha muttered a word and her staff began to glow. She pushed it inside the entrance to the hole, giving light to the darkness within. The edges of the circle cast by Lesha’s spell revealed a small staircase that descended into an antechamber slightly larger than the clearing above, carved with a skill and delicacy that rivaled the works of Orzammar, or even Kal-Sharok. At the other end of the chamber, a doorway and a second staircase beyond that which spiraled into the darkness, the entire space lit by the glow of lyrium. And above the entrance, written in dwarven runes, a single word—Hormok.

-- Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights, Horrors of Hormak (p. 86)

Which then gave me pause and had me rereading and looking back at the map. Because the maps looked like they were straight and didn't initially give the impression of any verticality to them. Until you look in the corner. That's when it clicked for me and the mountains suddenly made more sense.

And now I'm screaming about it here. Because both maps are depicting a small chunk of mountain(s) in the Frostbacks. Which, for reference, my wip of the Deep Roads looked like this.

If you follow BioWare's scale of 1 square = 15 miles / 24 km - if the Deep Roads were in working order the journey to the anvil would only be roughly around 2.5-3 days journey. However, we know to get to the anvil and back to Orzammar is a month-long trip. So, with the darkspawn and collapsed tunnels it becomes a 2-week journey there and 2 weeks back. Which is quite a large jump in travel times.

I have a personal scale based on population size, megafauna, and the fact that it is supposed to take over a week to get to the Circle from Orzammar on the surface, among other travel time increments. Which makes each square 38 mi / 61 km. A 4-5 day journey from the anvil to the void when functioning.

Now, I think this map still holds up in terms of placement considering that mountains can have a wide footprint and the map on the Origins Deep Roads has at least two major peaks and a plateau, whereas the ttrpg just has one major peak and a couple of smaller ones. The ttrpg map also speaks of ravines and such so it fits the geography.

But yeah, long story short I need to revise some of my methodology; and maybe rescale the map, so things aren't super tiny.

[shock]

This one is definitely my favorite so far in my collage solar system, so I wanted to post it. Hopefully I'll get some nice scans once all the pieces are done, but here's a spotlight on Neptune Side 1, "MEMORY".

The photos on the left are all pictures I took as a kid with film my gammaw got me before she died, and most of them are from the same day we took a walk together. The photos on the right all include her except for one. I can't remember HOW I managed to get ahold of the time they hired a stripper for her birthday, but I've always found that set of photos to be really evocative and I feel like I found the perfect use for them! 🤣

The text reads:

One fine day in 2006, a wild deer wandered into a Target store. When animals are traumatized, we make careful, logical calculations. Which is what the deer did.

After falling down the stairs, skidded around for a half hour, like when Odysseus opened a bag of captive winds, would surrender for a second, then dash from one event to the next. Until out of sheer frustration, I threw a bucket. But it made the deer race right through the window.

"F---ed up beyond all recognition."

If I had known what that maneuver would cost, I would probably have let the deer go.

A couple of days before she died, she took me to the ocean.

My log adds, I had some nice things to eat. I have never seen a being, human or animal, always so full of joy. Talking to her filled me with the power of the sun.

I wanted to hug her, but I didn't. I literally forgot to put my arms around her. We talked again that night on a ship-to-ship radio frequency. You weren't supposed to talk long on that because others might need it.

The next day, she died. I went into the woods, trying to clear my head. I could hear the deer breathing in the darkness. It was weird.

The day after she died, I called and cried. I don't like to yell or scream, but a bad storm brings something out of me. Not until I knew there's be no response did I realize how much pleasure I had taken in calling her. I bellowed up at the approaching storm: All right, you have the power of life and death! Love's no good! I know it! I had so many meetings with different people, I forgot! I'm sorry! So deafen me with your thunder! Go on, then! Scorch up my brains! I defy you! I'll defy you to my last breath!

Who was I defying? God? The deer? The storm? It didn't do any good to make noises of my own.

Sleeping helps. In dreams, I reach out my hand and grab the disease with my fist, drive that f---ed cancer back across an entire wavelength, refuse to contemplate the distant future, have a great talk with her held safely inside my arms.

I think It's worst than a nightmare. It's slow torture, it will drive you crazy, cunningly spooled and folded scenarios spin out in your mind.

Two years ago, I watched tapes of her that only reminded me of how I wanted to hear live people. It took me years to learn how to use them.

It is always interesting to see how situations change and people move from one to the other. Then you walk around a rock, and there it is: names and drawings, graffiti, all of one trade— MEMORIES carved in the rock:

Her life was a gift to me. She'd given me a greater one.

She sounded good.

I got the message. Follow the noise.

Retrace my route between the images of a continuous narrative. I went to the spot where she took her last breath. By then I could hear the deer running through the brush. I called again. This time, with a smile.

It worked. I made contact again.

Of course I knew this time she couldn't come, so my approach changed:

All right, REFLECTIONS can't support life.

That's okay. Keep moving.

GO AHEAD AND FREAK OUT.

Keeping busy helps, too— She lived every moment as though it were her last. It was wonderful.

I love her very much.

Do you want to know a secret?

I transformed into something grown for the pure happiness it brings me.

I feel really good now.

My attention most days is on the here and now.

It's the only real escape there is.

[sunny-speaks]

Siren Friend x Reader

So this is really late to the bandwagon :((( But here we are, resident yandere Friend! But Siren version cause I can't stop thinking about the chatbot... :P

You work a nice job, decent pay, the works.

You live near a beach in a decently populated city, you’re single and ready to mingle. But there’s no pressure! After all, your job is so tiring… There’s literally no room to romance people… But he'd change that.

Nothing too big, just studying an obscure species that emerged a couple months ago that look pretty similar to mermaids, mermen and other humanoid fish folk from mythology.

Of course, you weren’t too bothered, you just fed them and kept them occupied whilst other researchers collected data. You were more of a mer caretaker than an actual scientist.

Just the other day however… you found this really cute one washed up against the shoreline of your beachfront house !

You honestly didn’t expect much out of living so close to the water… but if that’s what it takes for pretty guys to get close to you, you weren’t arguing.

He was unconscious, dying in the sand or something when you chucked him into a bathtub.

Dark blue skin and hair the color of the sun, god, you couldn’t help but admire the pretty merman who was now chilling in your bathtub.

If you looked hard enough, you’d barely be able to see the way that the lightbulb in the ceiling catches the scales of his face in a way that makes the patches on his shoulders, cheeks and abdomen shimmer in a glamorous way.

Gold linings went up and down his body, marking contours and every dip in his body. They sectioned his abdomen and melded into his tail, they trailed up the sides of his neck to the back of his… webbed ears?

Wow, you’d probably stare forever at him until--!

You were busy admiring just how elegant the siren looked under the yellow-tinted lighting of your bathroom before you noticed his eyelashes fluttering awake under the water. How long he’d been out for, he wasn’t sure. When he saw the human that he’d always… admired from a distance hovering over him, he thought he had died and gone to fish heaven! He poked his head out of the water, black eyes looking up at you through his eyelashes, the lower half of his face obscured by the water. Water droplets accumulated on his long eyelashes every time he blinked. Which was quite a lot, seeing as how the unapproachable, ethereal human you were in his eyes, was right in front of him and had even saved his life ! He was the only one you'd saved, right? That made him special, right? He let out a small chirp in response, a little mix of shock and awe to which you awkwardly replied with, “Heeeeey?”

To be fair, you weren’t necessarily versed in talking to merfolk. It wasn’t your job- Well, it kind of was…

But you had context clues! You had diagrams and data to go off on in the lab ! 

This time around, you were too busy ogling the goddamn merperson to call your boss and tell him about a new discovery.

You were, as the kids call it, ‘faking it till you made it’ when you conversed with him.

Honestly, what were you supposed to do with a random attractive siren stranger in your house?! Just kick him out?!

Nah, you'd have to let him stay. After all, you didn't know what tests they did on the other merfolk, but honestly? You didn't want to know.

You just wanted to protect this one. You weren't sure why.

Maybe if you paid any attention the studies by scholars, you would've realized about their charmspeak and how they can lull you into a hazy state of mind...

But to the siren who’d only ever been enamored with you from afar? Only ever gazed at your smile, waiting for a day it could be displayed to him? Only ever hung onto every morsel of speech he could make out from that pretty mouth of yours?

He was hoping you’d let him stay with you… forever.

[zuzsenpai]

Full story (so far) of the work project from hell that's lost me vacation time, lost me sleep and hair, caused a number of panic attacks, and literally gave me my period when I'm not supposed to have periods and haven't had one in a year and a half.

I'll put it under a cut because I'm sure most of you don't want to read all this shit. I just wanted to vent and get it out.

So around the beginning of September, a video project request came into our office. The way it was explained to us by the project coordinator in marketing (who I will call "Sam"), was that it was going to be a TV spot as part of a big campaign that the CEO is requesting. The topic is letting people know that our healthcare network has a zillion awards for all 15 of our hospitals, compared to the other healthcare network in our area (this is a VERY common marketing strategy for us even though it's been proven the public does not give a shit which network has the most awards). It's a very dull "look at us and our awards and stats" video that, again, the public couldn't give a shit about. But the CEO wants it because ego.

We were told the video needed to be produced in two weeks, because the CEO wants to see the campaign ASAP. This means, for my team, that we don't have time to shoot new footage for this campaign. We were given a pretty mediocre script (we do not write the scripts), with directions to get it professionally voiced and to use old footage we've already shot in order to get this done in time.

That's where I became involved. I'm not a videographer (I do the animations and various other things). I know how to edit, and I know how to edit fast. But if this were a piece we had time for (that had a much better script), our video team of FOUR videographers would have handled this. But I got the project because of the bullshit reasons that I "know where all our footage is" and "can edit fast".

This was a week before I was supposed to go on vacation. I was supposed to go on vacation for a week and a half. My manager (who I will call "Betsy") KNEW I was going on vacation, but she still gave me the project. I know I should have given it to the video team and that point, but I didn't. That was my first and biggest mistake.

The higher-ups in marketing took their sweet ass time choosing an ending tagline and creating graphic design elements I could use in my video. I still didn't have them by the end of that week. We had our voiceover guy record half a dozen taglines that were supposed to be chosen from, just so something could be eventually edited in.

I had a draft that didn't include the tagline or graphic design elements ready by the end of the week. Meaning the day before I went on vacation. My second and almost just as big mistake was saying I would work on it over vacation. But honestly, this was for the CEO, and the VP of marketing hadn't approved my raise yet and I am always feeling like I would be the first on the chopping block if we needed to downsize the department. So I wanted to prove myself.

Anyway, while I was on vacation, I kept all the channels open: Teams, Outlook, etc. I had a VERY hard time relaxing because I knew at any moment I'd have to pick this project up. I also have massive burnout and just could not get myself to chill out. Anyway, a couple things happened by Thursday of that week: the tagline was finally chosen, the script changed and a whole 20 seconds was added to the video, and the graphic design elements came in. Keep in mind the project was supposed to have been done in two weeks. Meaning by the literal NEXT DAY. That wasn't happening at this point, so I was given a new deadline of a first draft by the following Wednesday.

I scrambled to coordinate the voiceover guy coming in again even though I couldn't be there. I scrambled even harder to find 20 more seconds of footage while I was over 100 miles away and had incredibly slow access to our video server. In fact, I could barely view or download video at all. I panicked for DAYS trying to get video downloaded, but it was just NOT happening.

I cut my vacation short and got in by Tuesday morning that next week. I had a single day to figure this video out. I was able to manage it by the skin of my teeth. I sent the draft on Wednesday and eventually heard back that Sam, the VP of marketing (who I will call "Ken"), and a few other higher-ups in marketing loved it. Great. The end!

Except the Chief Strategy Officer (Ken's boss), suddenly needed to approve it. I will call him "Ray". So Ray is new at his job and apparently needs to have his fingers in ever single piece of marketing that comes out of the marketing department. This is the opposite of how the old guy who retired used to do it. Ray is also the CEO's son-in-law. So, a Jared Kushner if you will. He's trying to prove himself and in the process, he is micromanaging to the extreme. But also it takes him forever to make decisions. Great combination there, all around.

It takes Ray over a week to even look at the video, during which I start getting other projects with quick deadlines. And when Ray does look at it, he comes back with the unhelpfully vague comments of "it's unsophisticated", "doesn't look like a sleek big city ad" and "is not emotional". So he rejects it and asks for a completely new video to be done, ASAP. Marketing collectively loses their minds in a bad way. The project coordinator (Sam) decides to inform me of this by immediately sending me an email outlining everything that was "wrong" with the video, despite having originally said he loved it. He told me a new one needed to be done and it needed to be done FAST. It needed to look like a polished, high budget, big city ad.

Well that wasn't getting done. I told him this. He didn't care. Ray gets what he wants. Even though Ray did NOT say that's what he wanted from the beginning. Even though I made a good video based on the shitty script I was given. The script that was supposedly approved by Ray himself. The script that had no story, was unemotional, and given an unreasonable deadline to get produced into a video.

This was last Thursday. I had a breakdown in my office, sobbing and hyperventilating. I decided I would finally bring in the video team. I needed one of them to do this. I needed to be done with it. I had 4 other projects with deadlines fast approaching (all of them animations, so I was the only one who could do them). Betsy called an in-person meeting with her, myself, and the 4 videographers.

I was still having a massive panic attack as I tried extremely hard to be normal in that meeting. I tried my best to explain to the team what I needed. The videographers were super angry on my behalf that I was even given the project in the first place, and they were extremely willing to redo the video from the ground up. I was grateful beyond belief. My video was scrapped, which sucks, but I didn't care at that point

A few days later on the following Monday (this past Monday), around 4PM, I was told that Ken decided we were going to go over Ray's head and "just edit the video we already have into a sleek, emotional, big city ad". Using the same script and most of the same footage. Just "make it better". Ken's reasoning was that this video was for the CEO and not Ray. And the CEO wanted it weeks ago.

Because this was an update to the existing video, Betsy informed me that I had to jump back on the project to make the edits. The edits that were a nebulous "make it better". I knew the project already and I can edit quickly. So it's mine again. Again, I had 4 other projects with deadlines of THIS WEEK. I had to send emails apologizing to a few people for not having the projects done.

So I spent Monday evening (at home) and all of Tuesday (yesterday) fucking around with the video. I asked the video team their thoughts on what would make it better and "sleeker", and they came back with things like "no amount of tricks and transitions is going to make that old footage look any better". So, unhelpful as fuck. Sam just kept saying "use tricks from big city ads! Just copy them! make it emotional!"

I did what I could. I found an emotional song, I used some flashy transitions, I slowed down some footage for dramatic effect, and I found a few pieced of stock footage that looked more "polished" than the footage I had. Granted ALL of the footage I originally used was local. It was our hospitals and our doctors and our staff. It just wasn't shot for this video. I tried to keep as much of that local feel in as possible, because I know the CEO likes that. I neglected projects for this. I stressed about this. Couldn't sleep. Got my fucking period after a year and a half on birth control.

I sent out a draft at 3PM yesterday. To Sam and Ken. Didn't hear back, but that's pretty normal (Ken sends work emails at like 10PM). 4:30 rolled around and I got up to leave. Betsy called me into her office as I passed by.

Betsy: I have something I need to tell you.

Me: ?????

Betsy: This morning Ken told me that we farmed your project out to [freelance video production company that we sometimes use].

Me: I'm sorry what.

Betsy: I didn't tell you because I didn't want it to upset you or hurt your feelings.

Me: But... then why did I work the project all day????

Betsy: Because I think we needed to show Ken what we are capable of.

Me: But that's irrelevant. He asked the other company to do it.

Betsy: Yes but I think he really wanted us to do it.

Me: So I sent a draft to Ken after he'd already farmed it out to the other company?

Betsy: Yes. But I sent him an email explaining it.

I didn't know what to say. I was furious. But Betsy is in charge of asking Ken for my raise, so I waited until I got to my car to start crying and screaming. I was in a bad state last night.

Got in this morning to an email from Ken just saying "Please find time to discuss tomorrow afternoon". So essentially a "see me after class". This could go one of three ways.

He could tell me he likes it and here are a few edits (unlikely, though he DID like the original and it's not too different from that?????)

He could tell me it needs a lot of work and changes and I need to do it ASAP (likely and stressful)

He could get mad I wasted my time, which is entirely Betsy's fault (likely and gets Betsy in a load of trouble)

The meeting with him is at 3PM tomorrow. I'm working from home because I need it at this point. I'm so sick of this. I'm so done. I'm even done typing about it right now because I am just so out of steam. I have so many deadlines and I'm so burnt out and I am so exhausted.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

A departed farewell; Eddie Munson x reader

*Author's note*

To all out there, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! Okay so this one is kinda heavy but after getting reintroduced to the great film known as The Crow, this little fic was born and I wanted to post it up on Halloween night. But there is also some heavy warnings which I will say below, so to the faint of heart or those at are easily triggered, I won't be hurt if you decide to skip this fic. Have a happy Halloween (and if you don't celebrate it, have a good day/afternoon/evening).

Warnings: Eddie's death scene, drug use (not just weed, I'm talking hardcore drugs shown and mentioned here), depression, angst, some fluff, Vamp Eddie(? You decide), death.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queen-paladin

__________________________________________________________

Dustin Henderson and Steve Harrington walked out along the wooded trails all the way to Reefer Rick’s boathouse.  In his hands, Dustin held some wild flowers that he had picked before he had Steve drive him up here.  They stopped before the boathouse and Dustin placed the wild flowers amongst the pile of already decaying flowers that had been placed there throughout the year.

“I still can’t believe it’s been over a year since it happened.” Dustin said weakly.  “He didn’t deserve any of this. And he deserved to have a proper burial. Why did I have to break my damn leg?!”

“You didn’t break it. But you can’t blame yourself for what happened Dustin. You didn’t know Eddie was going to do what he did.”

“I just……I just still can’t believe he’s really gone. He of all people didn’t deserve what he got. I mean the people we lost when all this started, they didn’t get any of the shit that Eddie got. This town—hates him. Still hates him. They really think he did all of this and we can’t change that.”

“It sucks, I’ll admit that. But small minded people can never be changed, no matter how hard we try. At least we know the truth that Eddie Munson went out a hero. A hardcore, metal hero.”

“Have you and Robin tried talking to (Y/n) recently?” asked Dustin.

“Do you really need to ask?”

“Right, dumb question.”

“As her twin brother I know we’re supposed to rag on each other at times, but now I really mean it when I say it. She looks like she’s been through hell, chewed up and then spat back up. She’s not sleeping, she’s barely eating. And what’s worse are the drugs.”

“You mean…..”

“I wish dude, she’s been at the hard stuff. Don’t know where she’s getting it but I’ve seen the syringes and rubber bands. I can’t stand to see her in that much pain. She needs help but everytime I try to talk to her about it she—”

“She was right there with him when he died Steve. Those bats literally held her back just so that she could watch as they devoured him alive. On one hand I don’t blame her for falling like that, hell if I were in her place and I saw Suzie die like that, I’d probably fall that hard too.”

“Don’t you ever say anything like that you little butthead! I don’t ever want you talking about drugs again understand?!”

“On the other hand, she isn’t grieving properly. And that’s on all of us, we were too focused on how we had to move on with the rest of the town after the earthquakes happened that we completely ignored (Y/n)’s feelings. And it’s not just your fault Steve.” Steve shook his head, stroking his fingers through his hair anxiously.

“I’m 12 minutes older than her. I’m her big brother, and—I wasn’t there for her. Not ever since we entered high school. These last couple of years we’ve managed to rebuild our sibling bond but now I……I’m losing her again man.” Tears started to build up in Steve’s eyes.  “I can’t….I can’t lose another person.” He thought back on Max and how he had failed to keep her safe.

She was a sarcastic child who suddenly came in when she and Billy came by but after reading her note, she had admitted to him that he was the big brother she had hoped Billy could’ve been for her, and it all happened ever since he stepped forward to keep them safe when Billy came looking for her.  Sure he got his ass beat but he was willing to keep himself in the line of Billy’s rage and not let any of the kids get a single punch.  Now—now when she needed him most, he failed her.

Dustin looked up to see that Steve had buried his eyes behind his right hand and saw how his shoulders began shaking as he choked on his sobs.  Dustin gave Steve a one armed hug.

“We’ll get her back. We’ll get them both back.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’m not. But it’s all that’s going through my mind. And I’m not gonna rest until we finally find a way to kill Vecna and send that son of a bitch straight to hell.”

“You’re a tough kid Henderson, hell of a lot tougher than me.” Steve ruffled his hair then the two of them left Reefer Rick’s boathouse and drove back to town.

*Halloween 1987*

It was Halloween night and unlike in the years before, Hawkins wasn’t celebrating Halloween this year.  There was no yearly town hall Halloween party, no trick-or-treaters going out and about to get candy, not even the high schoolers dared to try and host a party of their own.

At Forest hill trailer park, the crack that had spread from this part of Hawkins had actually driven most of the trailer homeowners to leave Hawkins all together.  Most took their RV’s and fled, while others just packed whatever they could and skipped town or ended up homeless and were currently staying at a shelter on the other side of Hawkins.

A hand suddenly shot up from the cracks and began crawling out from the earth.  Groaning and grunting in agony as he pulled himself out from the red light of the Upside town glowing from beneath the earth.  Once he was free, he lay there on his back exhausted and stared up at the night sky.  The stars shining like diamonds high above the abandoned trailer park.

Suddenly the man heard a meow and when he opened his eyes, a long haired black cat stared down at him with piercing green eyes he could make out from the light of the full moon.

“Loki?” the cat let out a purr as his eyes squinted but then he licked the man’s finger before nuzzling into his hand.  He lifted his hand and stroked through the cat’s long soft fur and asked. “Wha—what happened here?” suddenly something flashed before his eyes.  A flash like seeing the tv suddenly go static after a power outage.  He gripped his forehead before he found himself standing up and walking forward.

He stumbled about, falling a couple of times but as his vision kept flashing he kept standing back up and trudged onward.  He saw himself standing on top of his trailer, shredding on his guitar.  A swarm of bat-like creatures surrounding him and two other people, he then found himself falling down once more but he also saw himself falling, this time off a bike and he had been attacked by one of those bat creatures.

He saw himself stand up wielding a spear as well as a trashcan shield with nails sticking out and he stood up getting into the same position as he saw himself in that vision.  He then saw the girl from before coming toward him calling his name.

“EDDIE! EDDIE!!!”

“(Y/n)?! What are you doing here?! You weren’t supposed to come back!”

“I made a promise Mr. Frodo! A promise! Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee. And I don’t mean to, I don’t mean to.” She told him.  He shook his head and found himself saying as he heard himself in his vision say.

“Into the fires of Mount Doom milady?” She nodded and together the two of them stood as the bats swarmed around them before charging head on, the two of them using their trashcan shields to block off the attacks.

He copied his fighting movements of spear and shield, as he saw the girl, (Y/n) use a bottle of hairspray and with a lighter, she had created her own flamethrower to burn any bats that came near her.  He then felt and saw himself being choked by one of the bats and felt himself being pulled to the ground. 

His arms and legs were pulled outward and he saw the bats beginning to feast on his flesh.  He saw and remembered the pain of their teeth piercing his skin and digging out chunk after chunk of flesh.  All the while he could hear (Y/n) screaming out his name as she was forcefully held back by the bats.  Their tails wrapped around her arms, legs, neck and stomach, even as she pulled to free herself, they pulled harder until suddenly they dropped dead.

She crawled over to his bleeding body whimpering out his name and picking him up into his lap.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no baby! Teddy-bear! Don’t you leave me don’t you die like Boromir did!”

“Bad huh?” he choked up.  Soon another voice spoke up, this time a younger man’s voice assured him.

“No, no you’re gonna be fine we just need to get you to a hospital okay?”

“Okay.” He choked up.  Together (Y/n) and the young man tried to pick him up but the pain in his body was too great as he pleaded.

“I-I-I think I just need a second, I need a second, okay?”

“Okay, okay we—we’ll give it to you.” (Y/n) assured him as she rested his head on her lap, stroking through his hair.  He looked up at both (Y/n) and the young man and strained out as blood started coming up his throat.

“I didn’t run away this time right?”

“No. No baby, you-you didn’t run. Though I wish you did. Whatever happened to having no shame in running?” she asked him.

“You both are gonna have to look after those little sheep for me okay?” he told them.

“No! You’re gonna do that yourself!” the young man said but he found himself saying along with his vision.

“No man. Say you’re going to look after them. Say it Henderson.” He saw as the two of them were sobbing over him.  (Y/n) took his left hand and raised it up to her face, the blood along his arm seeping into her hands but she didn’t care.

“I’m gonna….I’m gonna look after them.” Henderson choked out.  He then found himself looking up at (Y/n), only at her even through his hazy vision as he asked her.

“And you…..fair Ravenna.” She choked out a sob.  “Please smile for me…….please.” with as much strength as he could, he managed to move his index finger along her jawline.  She kissed the back of his hand and gave a small, sweet smile.  “Good…..cause I…..think I’m actually going to graduate. I think it’s my year sweetheart—Hen-Henderson. I think it’s finally my year……” he remembered feeling the blood starting to rise in his throat, preventing him from speaking full sentences but he did manage to make one last statement before he fell silent.

“I love you guys.”

“I love you too.” Henderson wept.

“This belongs to you Eddie Munson, and always will.” He felt her hand cup the side of his face, watched as she leaned forward and felt the soft touch of her lips on his bloody ones.  Even with the taste of iron that was now seeping between her lips, she dared not move as she kept the gentle, loving kiss going until she separated from him.

And it was at that moment he had felt himself slip into darkness.

He remembered who he was.  He was Eddie Munson, three-time senior of Hawkins High.  Dungeon Master of the Hellfire club, and the love of his life was (Y/n) Harrington.

Eddie stood up and walked towards a trailer that had somehow miraculously survived the earthquake.  He opened the door and knew that no one was home as the place had been ransacked and just left behind for anyone to have.  Loki followed him inside, racing into the bathroom and hopped on top of the sink.

Eddie stared at himself in the mirror as memories of him and (Y/n) together flashed through his mind.  Them cuddled on her bed when he’d sneak over to her house.  The times they’d both try to cook something only to end up nearly burning the trailer down and his uncle having to stop the flames from spreading cause the two of them would be panicking too much.

Seeing her read all her favorite fantasy books from Tolkien to C.S Lewis and even J.M Barrie’s Peter Pan.  Him hovering over her as she would be sitting on a chair while she read and kissing her neck and face, pleading for attention.  And even though she tried to fight it, giggles would come out from her lips until she ended up succumbing to his will and they’d end up making out, or even going further beyond that.

The love he felt for (Y/n) both filled him with joy and agony.  How could he leave her like that? He knew that she had many people in her life abandon her.  Her parents, her friends, even her own twin brother had left her behind.  He was all she had and he left her.  His anger rose until he snapped and punched the mirror with his bare fist, breaking it in half.

His knuckles bleeding until he saw them heal up in the blink of an eye.  He turned to Loki who merely looked at him and slowly blinked before letting out a throaty meow.  Eddie dug through the cabinets and drawers of the bathroom until he had found some white base makeup and black lipstick.  He dipped his fingers into the white base, rubbed his hands together and covered his face in white makeup.

With the black lipstick he drew down from his eyes what almost resembled tearstains, as well as covered his lips black and even drew a line upward at the corner of his lips.  He stripped out of his torn and bloody clothes and managed to find a skin-tight along-sleeved black shirt, a long leather jacket, black pants and some old black boots.  He donned on the new look before turning over to Loki who raised a paw at him letting out a small meow.

Eddie rubbed Loki’s head before picking him up and walked out of the bathroom.

“I blame myself for wrecking your home Loki. I’ll bet it hasn’t been easy for god knows how long it’s been. But I’m going to make this right.” Loki meowed and as Eddie sat him down, Loki ran out the trailer and he followed the black cat.

At the Henderson household, Dustin had been pretty much kept under his mom’s tight thumb.  He wasn’t allowed anywhere unless it was school and back home.  Hell he was lucky if he was able to even get to visit Max once if not twice a week just to see how she’s doing or if anything had changed (even though nothing had. She had been in her coma for over a year now).

As rain now began to pour down heavily on this Halloween night, he looked at his old Ghostbusters proton pack from three years ago and thought back to simpler times.  He wished that those days would come back, long before the whole Upside down and he and his friends were the four weirdos who loved to play DnD all day and night at each other’s houses.

He heard a gentle rap at the window and when he turned around he saw Loki sitting right outside his window.

“Loki?” he remembered seeing the long-haired black cat over at Forest hill whenever he’d go to visit Eddie.  He opened the window and allowed the drenched cat inside.  “I thought you had gotten caught up when the Upside down opened up, guess (Y/n) was right to name you after the Norse god of mischief.” Loki let out a meow.  “Oh yeah, think you can let me dry you off?” Loki let out a merp (a mix of a meow and a purr) and Dustin left to get a cat-sized towel that his mom uses on their cat whenever he got out.

When Dustin returned with the towel, he gently dried off Loki then allowed the cat to lick himself clean.

“What are you doing all the way over here anyways?” Loki paused and turned to the corner of Dustin’s room and there he saw a figure hidden within the shadows.  Dustin jumped back fearfully and Eddie said.

“You know you gotta learn to shut your windows Dustin Henderson. You never know what freaks lurk in the night.” Dustin narrowed his eyes as he heard the voice.

“I can’t believe it…….Eddie?”

“Nice to see you again butthead.” Dustin took large strides across his room and embraced Eddie, tears falling down his face.  Eddie hugged the young boy back and Dustin looked up at him.

“How did—I mean how is…..I saw you die. How are you alive? Does (Y/n) know? When did you get back? How long have you been alive? What happened?”

“Henderson, you’re rambling like a mad man.” Eddie stopped the young boy’s frantic question asking.

“Sorry.” Dustin said meekly.

“I honestly don’t know how it happened. One moment I was dying in (Y/n)’s arms and next thing I know, I’m crawling out of a gateway from hell. I don’t even know if I’m really alive or not.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie walked over to Loki and stroked down his chest before trailing his finger towards his right paw.  He knew that Loki once had been attacked by another stray cat and his right paw never fully healed, so now anytime someone goes to touch that paw, he’ll bite since he had been declawed by his previous owners.

After Eddie got a nasty bite and Loki went over to sit on Dustin’s dresser now, his tail twitching.

“Eddie what the hell did…..”

“Just watch.” Eddie showed Dustin how the nasty bite wound now began to close up, just like what happened to his knuckles after he had punched the mirror.

“Holy shit.” Dustin muttered.

“But that’s my least concern right now. I need to ask you some questions. How long has it been since that day?”

“It’s been over a year. It’s 1987 now, Halloween. Of course no one really celebrates that holiday here anymore ever since the gates opened and split Hawkins in four ways.”

“I take it we didn’t kill Vecna?”

“Nancy, Steve and Robin definitely laid one on him. But there wasn’t a body after Nancy gave him one last shot to the chest. Will even says he can still feel him, that he is weak but bidding his time.” Eddie looked down grimly.  “We…..also lost Max. I mean we sorta did but she hasn’t woken up yet. And I’m sorry Eddie, I’m really, really sorry. But the town put all of this mess onto you.”

“No surprise there. Last anyone knew of me, I was wanted for Chrissy’s and Patrick’s murders. Once the satanic freak, always the satanic freak.” Eddie plopped down onto Dustin’s bed.

“I’ve tried to get Hooper to work with the government to clear your name but they’re still in the processing phase, which is basically them saying they’ve got too much on their plate right now to deal with this specific request.” Eddie perked his head up.  “Oh yeah, apparently Hooper was alive in a Russian gulag and Joyce brought him back along with Murray the conspiracy maniac.”

“All be damned. One of the only cops in this town I actually liked back from the grave. Guess we have that in common.” There was a brief moment of silence before Dustin said.

“Eddie……” Eddie looked up at Dustin and knew what the kid wanted to say.

“There’s nothing you can say Henderson. What happened, happened. Me being associated with you had nothing to do with my death.” He stood up and walked over to Dustin.  He placed two firm hands on Dustin’s shoulders, looked him square in the eye and continued, “It was a shitshow there’s no question about it. But the fact that you were the first and only one to truly believe I wouldn’t do this besides (Y/n), I couldn’t ask more of a friend. Hell even a little brother. But don’t go getting a big head about it, okay?” Dustin slightly chuckled as tears fell down his face.  He wiped them away and choked out.

“I’ve missed you Eddie.”

“Missed you too yah little shit.” Dustin immediately held onto Eddie as tight as he could.  Eddie rested his head on top of Dustin’s as he patted the young man’s back.

“Eddie, there’s something else you should know.” Eddie separated from the hug and Dustin told him, “It’s about (Y/n). She…..she’s really spiraled ever since you—well you know. And I’m scared she’s going down a path she can’t come back from. It’s more than just shutting herself in or not talking to us. Steve told me she’s been getting into drugs. And I don’t mean the light stuff.”

“And what has Steve done?”

“He’s tried everything. And I know he doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s not just hurting him emotionally. I saw the faint scratch marks on his left cheek. I know she’s not doing it on purpose but…..I’m scared we’ll lose her too if she keeps going down this path.”

“I’ll get the info I need from Harrington. But this meeting never happened, understand Henderson?” Dustin nodded.

“Thank you Eddie. Love you man.”

“Love you too butthead.” With a loud boom of thunder and a bright flash of lighting, Dustin found himself once again alone in his room.

Over at the Harrington’s place, Steve was cleaning himself up in the bathroom.  Once again he and his twin had their daily screaming match of (Y/n)’s wellbeing, this time she had given him a hard punch to the nose and he had finally managed to get the bleeding to stop.

He walked into the kitchen and got out a beer, needing to take the stress out of him.

“Might wanna take something a bit stronger if you wanna take the edge off after a fight, trust me.” Steve jumped back but saw no one there.

“Who’s there?” Steve called out.

“Surely you know, after all this isn’t the first time I’ve snuck into this house.” Steve’s eyes widened and he immediately raced up the stairs and opened up his sister’s room and saw Eddie stroking his hand along (Y/n)’s acoustic guitar which sat at the corner of her room.

“This-this—that’s not possible. How are you—”

“Henderson asked me the same question.”

“Wait you saw Henderson? I swear if you’re one of Vecna’s tricks I swear to god……”

“One way to prove it’s actually me is that back in 81, I snuck in here to be with your sister after she had failed the SAT’s. Poor thing was so devastated she wouldn’t come to school for nearly a week cause it happened to be the time your parents came for their daily check in and she had a screaming match with your old man. So I came here that night and stayed with her. Then you barged right on in and said to me ‘Get out of my house freak! And don’t show your face around here again!’”

“Jesus Christ…..it really is you.”

“Nice to know when it comes to your sister you’re not that clueless anymore Harrington.” Eddie couldn’t help but mock with a smirk.

“If you’re here to mock me for being a horrible brother I already know that Eddie.”

“No, no I didn’t come here to gloat or to mock. Henderson gave me a brief summary on all that happened, but I want to hear your perspective.” He fully turned towards Steve holding up the locket necklace he had given her for a 16th birthday present their junior year.  “What happened to my best girl?” Steve sighed heavily.  He sat down on (Y/n)’s bed and confessed.

“(Y/n) was amess. At first it started off with her barely eating, then it was the constant nightmares of seeing you die over and over again. Then I noticed how she’d end up disappearing at night. I didn’t know where she was going until I caught her sneaking back in and her nose was bleeding. But not in the way where she’d been in a fight, and I didn’t want to believe it but I swear I thought I saw some white powder under her nose. Then it was the injections on her arms, I’ve been trying to get her to get some help but she’s lost it Eddie. Your death seemed to really fuck her mind up.”

“Jesus Christ.” Eddie mumbled solemnly.

“Now I don’t blame you, no way in hell am I blaming you. I just….It just pains me to see my twin sister like this. It’s like I’m feeling her pain like some weird twin telepathy if that shit’s even real. But I can’t stand to see her in that much pain, and for her not to know that she still has people here for her. Hell Henderson was there when you died too, and she’s acting like he wasn’t. You don’t think he’s feeling the same pain as she is?”

“She always did tease that we should’ve just grown a pair and shared custody of the twerp.” Eddie softly chuckled.

“She’s always struggled with depression ever since middle school. Our parents chose to ignore it and kept telling her to get over it or smile more. You’re not depressed, you’re just being dramatic. When she met you, that was probably the first time I’ve ever seen her truly happy.” Steve walked over to an old picture of her and Eddie together at the junior prom.  “Deep down I guess I also grew jealous of just how happy she was around you, and not me. Now I see that it was because of my selfishness that I drove her away. And even when I got our relationship back to the way it was before, I knew she’d put you over me in a heartbeat.”

“Your wrong.” Steve turned to him.

“What do you mean?”

“You remember how we were on Lover’s lake to find that gate where Patrick was killed?” Steve nodded.  “And you remember how you were dragged under the water, and I told you that Wheeler didn’t hesitate to dive in after you?” Steve nodded again.  “She wasn’t the first. In fact, the second you went down, your sister dove in straight after you. Even for not being the best swimmer, she dove straight in after you. She does love you Steve. Like you said, twin telepathy is a serious bond. Now old King Steve, he wouldn’t have dared try to help (Y/n) in her grieving stage. But you’re not him anymore, you’re her twin brother Steve Harrington. The one she always believed was still somewhere deep inside of you.”

Steve scoffed but Eddie came up to him and placed a hand over his chest.

“You’re still trying, still fighting for her. But before you can save her, you have to save yourself. Not just for what happened to me, but for all that happened. That includes Mayfield.” Steve’s eyes slightly widened.  “I’ve seen how you are with her Harrington. Ever since that mall fire, I’ve seen how you’ve come around to check in on her, how you’ve always tried to be there for her at school, and how you’ve been with her since I found out about this Upside down and Vecna shit. How can you even try to help your sister when you’re clearly not ready to forgive yourself?”

Steve couldn’t believe it but Eddie Munson was actually making sense.  Ever since he had been knocked back into reality since all of this began, and ended up forming a bond with the kids who started it all, he’s been trying to be the big brother he naturally was to the kids who began it all.  He knew none of the adults (minus Joyce and Hooper) wouldn’t understand and that the kids needed someone to protect them whenever no one was around.  So he ended up becoming the ‘babysitter’ as he was deemed at first.

And at first it was an annoying title but now, ever since their first big failure, he began to truly understood why he was called that.  He felt a strong need to protect these kids because who else was going to when Joyce had moved, when Nancy decided to try and return to her normal life, who else was there to talk to about all this stuff? Only him.

“She’s been dealing with Daniel Thompson.” Steve told him.

“Daniel. If there’s any drug dealer that should be in jail it’s that prick. At least Rick and I never dealt to pre-teens.” Eddie hissed as he felt his teeth starting to grow a bit sharp before they receded.  “Does he still live in Hawkins?”

“After the earthquake he moved over to the next county about 20 minutes’ drive from here. You know what, screw it.” Steve raced over and grabbed his keys as well as his bat with nails.  “C’mon.” Eddie followed close behind them and Steve started up his BMW and drove out of his driveway and through the storm to get his sister back by any means necessary.

With Eddie’s abilities, they were able to track down exactly where (Y/n) had gone to see Daniel and to Steve, it looked exactly where a drug dealer would live.  A very run down apartment complex in what appeared to be an unsafe part of town.  The rain still pouring down as Steve grabbed his bat.

“So what, you gonna come with and we bust his ass open?” Steve asked.

“This isn’t West side story Harrington. Daniel isn’t one to be messed with especially if he’s using with her. You go in there ready to bust his ass in, he’ll have you shot dead before you can even blink.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“Just follow my lead.” They exited the car and crept towards the fire escape on the side of the building.  Steve then watched in shock as Eddie leapt up and across the railings of the fire escape with ease.

“That would normally scare the shit out of me but I’ve seen freakier shit than that to be surprised.” He climbed up the fire escape until he stood by Eddie as he looked into a darkened room.  He placed his hand along the window and said.

“She’s in there. They’re both high as kites right now.”

“How can you tell?”

“I can smell the burnt spoons and blood inside.”

“Blood? Eddie are you—are you some kind of vampire or something?”

“Or something.” Eddie slowly opened the window and slipped inside like an assassin on a mission.

Once he was inside the room, he saw (Y/n) passed out on the bed while Daniel was up against his headboard staring up into space after getting his high.  Eddie scoffed before letting out a low whistle that seemed to stir them both from their high.  (Y/n) let out a groan and opened her eyes slowly raising her head while Daniel looked on ahead.

“What the…..fuck?” As Eddie continued to whistle, he noticed a lightbulb just hanging above him and trailed his head around it like a dazed man.  He then once again felt his canine teeth grow into fangs as a sudden primal instinct came over him.  He slowly walked towards them then once he got to the bed, he let out a leopard-like roar, baring his fangs which scared Daniel but startled (Y/n).  “JESUS CHRIST MAN!! You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!”

“Are his…..eyes glowing red? Damn his costume is like…..all in.” (Y/n)’s tone was slurred.  Eddie couldn’t believe that this was the woman he had fallen in love with.  She had fallen so far and so fast ever since his death, but he was going to make it right.  But first he had to get her away from Daniel for good.

“Just the morphine yah dumb bitch. This is just some….freak looking for some kicks.” It was then Daniel withdrew his gun out from under his pillow. “Time for you to get out of here psycho. I ain’t got no more stuff, me and the girlie here used it all up.” Eddie withdrew his fangs and his glowing red eyes turned back to his normal dark brown as he pulled up a chair and sat down.  He pressed his palm against the barrel of the gun and dared him.

“Take your shot Thompson. You got me dead flank.”

“You are seriously fucked up.” Daniel said.  (Y/n) laughed in her high as Daniel continued, “Like you really need psycho-therapy help you sick fuck.” It was then Daniel pulled the trigger making Eddie jump back holding his hand in pain.

Daniel stood up and cheered in his victory on a bullseye but after his brief cries of pain, Eddie soon began laughing as he showed them both his hand and he then let out a cheer as the bullet hole healed instantly.  Daniel’s joy soon turned to panic and fear as he muttered.

“Jesus Christ.”

“Jesus Christ. Stop me if you’ve heard this before; Jesus Christ walks into a hotel.” Daniel shot Eddie in the shoulder which made him lurch backward a bit but he recovered and started walking towards him, continuing with the taunting joke, “He hands the innkeeper three nails and asks,” another shot rang out this time to Eddie’s stomach.

(Y/n) got out from the bed staring at the figure in fear.  At the second gunshot she ended up tripping over the bed sheets trying to get away but for some reason she couldn’t help but stare at the figure before Daniel.

“Don’t you ever fucking die!?” Daniel demanded.

“Can you put me up for the night?” in a flash, Eddie had forced Daniel to point the gun down at his own leg, the gun went off firing straight through Daniel’s femur, blood splattering everywhere.  Daniel cried out in agony, clenching his bleeding thigh between his hands.  “Hurts doesn’t it? When someone takes advantage of your weakness? Imagine what she’s gone through before you coaxed her into your web. In fact I’ll let you feel it.”

Eddie extended his hand and placed it over Daniel’s eyes and with a deep growl, Eddie allowed Daniel to feel every ounce of pain both he and (Y/n) felt on that day.  Daniel let out a scream before he fell still and stiff as a board.

Once Daniel was taken care of, Eddie heard the bathroom door shut.  He dropped the gun and slowly walked toward the bathroom.  He opened it and saw as (Y/n) was waving her arms back and forth meekly holding what appeared to be an old razor.  Her screams of fear piercing the bathroom echoing as she pleaded for her life.

“STAY AWAY FROM ME!! STAY AWAY!!” Eddie grabbed both her wrists and got the razor out of her hands.  He pressed her back against his chest as he dragged her towards the mirror, her wailing making his heart ache but he had to fix this.  He had her stand before the mirror, one hand holding out her arm that had been filled with old and new puncture wounds, while his other hand held her across her forehead.

“You once said; What is grief if not love persevering? It is okay to cry and mourn for those we lost,” she then saw as the veins in her arm suddenly began to move and she felt the morphine slip down her arm.  “Drugs however is not the way to grieve.” (Y/n) soon felt her mind starting to clear up and when she turned to the man, she swore she was seeing Eddie looking at her.  He cupped her face between his hands and he said to her, “your brother is outside willing and ready to help you.”

(Y/n)’s lip trembled as tears poured down her face and she fell to her knees as she wept hysterically.

“Harrington!” Eddie called out and soon enough Steve came in and immediately he knelt down beside (Y/n) and held her in his arms.  Even as she felt him drenched from the rain, (Y/n) gripped onto her twin brother as tightly as she could all the while weeping out Eddie’s name.  As Steve rocked his little sister back and forth, he looked up at Eddie in sorrow but also gratitude while Eddie looked down at the sibling solemnly.

Eventually (Y/n) passed out from her hysterical sobbing.

Steve had taken his sister to the hospital to help get whatever else could’ve been in her system and she ended up sleeping all throughout the night, all throughout the rest of the next day up until it was nearly sunset.  She stirred away to hear machines beeping and the sound of voices speaking over intercoms.

She looked over and saw Steve along with Dustin talking with one another in a hushed manner.  When Steve noticed (Y/n) waking up, he came over to her saying.

“Sleeping beauty awakes. You okay?”

“A bit.” She said groggily.  “Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital. Had to bring you here to get all that crap out of your body.” (Y/n) leaned up against her pillow shamefully.

“I am so, so sorry Steve. I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did. I know it doesn’t excuse me for my behavior, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I…..” Steve stopped her heartbroken confession by hugging his sister as tightly as he could.  “How can you forgive me so easily? I thought you’d never wanted to speak to me again?”

“I was never angry with you for turning to the drugs. I was upset because I was afraid you were losing your way.”

“I did lose my way Steve.”

“But you found it again. And I swear, I’m gonna be there for you every step of the way. No matter what it takes to help you get back on your feet.” The Harrington siblings smiled at each other softly as they embraced one another as (Y/n) said.

“Thank you Steve. You really are the best big brother.” After a few visits from the kids, as well as the older members of Hellfire, (Y/n) would soon be on her way to recovery.  After speaking with her doctor, he prescribed that she would need to go up to Indianapolis to their rehab center where she would get the coaching and help that I needed.

She and Steve signed a few forms and it was settled that after a couple of more days here for observation, she would take the first bus up to the capital for her rehab treatment.

Later that night as the hospital had closed down their offices to visitors and the night shift staff were doing their rounds.  (Y/n) lay there on her bed watching the Golden girls on the tv.  She was just about to fall asleep when she felt a cold brush of wind blow across her cheek, she turned and there she saw Eddie’s silhouette appearing from her window until he finally made himself known to her.

“Hello milady.” He greeted her with a warm smile and a gentleman’s bow.

“Eddie?” she softly whispered as her heart meter began to spike.  Eddie raised a finger to his lips softly shushing her as he walked up to her.

“Guess when you say your heartbeats faster everytime I’m in the room, you’re not lying. But it’s best we don’t alert the staff about my presence sweetheart.” He stood at the foot of her bed.

“Is it…..is it really you? Were you there that night? Or am I going crazy again from the drugs?”

“It’s not the after effects of the drugs, nor is this a trick from Vecna. I am here sweetheart.”

“I…….” (Y/n) was speechless.  “I’ve thought over a million, trillion things to say when I’d—” her breathing was shaky as she gasped softly, “How?”

“I had a mission to help three grieving souls who needed my words of wisdom. And you were the last one that needed saving.”

“So you’re…..you’re leaving again?” she asked sadly.

“Sweetheart I’ve heard and now seen just how my death has affected you. But there’s something you must understand. The Eddie Munson you once knew and loved has become someone entirely new. And I can’t let him near you until I’ve figured him out for myself.”

“But I…..I just got you back. Eddie I…..I see it happen every night when I sleep, and everytime when thunder rumbles, I’m back down there with you. Seeing those things rip you apart, not able to free myself or save you. Why must you leave me again?”

Eddie walked closer to her and hovered his upperbody over hers.  He leaned towards her left ear and whispered to her.

“This belongs to you, and always will.” He came back up, cupped the left side of her face.  His dark brown eyes staring down at hers as he leaned in closer to her face and captured her lips with his in a soft, hidden kiss.  (Y/n) raised her hand up and stroked along Eddie’s face with the back of her hand and buried her hand underneath his curls.

As the clock by her bed chimed midnight, Eddie separated from the kiss and took her hand into his.

“Where can I find you again?”

“You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming?” he asked her.  She softly nodded, “That’s where I will always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” He told her in a soft, loving manner.  His eyes soon glowed red as he told her, “Sleep now meleth nin, sleep.” A feeling of exhaustion came over her as she soon fell asleep.  “Sleep until dawn.”

Eddie placed into her hands her necklace he had taken from her room and rested her hands over her chest.  He gave her one last look, almost as if he were taking a mental picture to keep forever in his mind before he forced himself away from her bedside and with the last chime of the clock, and a wave of the curtain, Eddie Munson disappeared from the hospital.

[aspergirl-2006]

Hii there, new anon here love the ship name Marshady like damn that’s great !! I totally ship them, wish there was more content I’ve made fanart before but it’s totally a private thing

Yeah, they're amazing.

One of the main reasons I like them so much is because of what Slim represents in Marshall's life. He's all the things Em has had to overcome throughout his life; his trauma, anger, immaturity, pain, toxicity, addiction, and all the stuff he doesn't like about himself. I also see their messy dynamic as how Em sees his relationship with his career and the industry. I see him and Slim being together as Em coming to terms with his own flaws and learning to actually love himself, quite literally.

I came up with the idea the same day The Death of Slim Shady dropped. I remember texting my friend about what my thoughts were on the album as I listened to the songs, that first dialogue at the beginning of Habits already made me raise an eyebrow, but it wasn't until I listened to Trouble that I actually considered that Shady was acting like a bitter ex. C'mon, that last line?

“When are you gonna realize we fucking need each other?”

I told my friend –kinda joking– “Is it weird that my brain is telling me to ship them?”

While everyone else was clowning Em for the “Jenzimibrah”, I was making up gay scenarios between Eminem and an angry blonde (that line is fucking hilarious by the way, people just refuse to understand Trouble is a skit and not a song, it lasts 40 seconds, it ain't supposed to have the same complexity and structure of a song).

As the album kept going, and I listened to them just interacting with each other, the more fascinated I was, and as I kept finding new stuff in Em's discography (I'm a relatively new fan) I realized these two have been obssessed with each other since the very start (particularly Slim, who always finds new ways to haunt Marshall when his life is getting too stable). Literally the first time Slim Shady was introduced, he was trying to mess with Marshall's head, straight up telling him “YOU'RE NOTHING WITHOUT ME”

Slim Shady and Bill Cypher would be great friends honestly, both obsessive agents of chaos hyperfixated on a clever and tired brunette that they share a body with.

I could keep going forever about all those interactions that just get me foaming at the mouth, I'm so insane about these two I swear; but I will leave that for other posts.

About the ship name, I'm glad you like it. One day I was making a post and wanted to tag it as Marshall × Slim but didn't want to go with something basic as “marshall mathers x slim shady” so I thought for a couple of minutes and my brain just clicked.

Marshall, Marsh— Slim Shady, Sha–dy...

They both share this “sh” sound, it's perfect. Even their names complement each other.

Also, it's okay if you wanna keep your art private, I get it. But if you ever change your mind and decide to share it, I'd be more than happy to see it :)

Make me all the questions you want, I love to rant about my hyperfixations. You can share your thoughts, your ideas, I'm here to listen/read.

[seokmthw]

butterfly effect | shen ricky

⇢ pairing: ricky x reader

⇢ warnings: stalker!ricky, angst, horror, thriller, explicit language, depictions of stalking/graphic murder, major character death, gore (no photos), violence, blood, manipulation, literally not a drop of romance

⇢ word count: 9.8k

⇢ synopsis: after deciding to prank text a phone number written on the wall of a diner, your life takes a turn for the worst.

⇢ note: this fic is not for the faint hearted. i do not actually think this is something ricky would do or has done, nor do i condone any of the actions displayed in this fic. please read at your own descretion. this is actually based off of a seventeen fic i wrote years ago, and decided to actually fully develop. the plot is meant to move fast, and show just how quickly someone's life can be ruined by things like this. i'm actually quite proud of how this came out, so i hope those of you that read it enjoy.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

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the city of seoul was always bustling at night. streetlights casted a soft orange hue on the sidewalks below them, which allowed people to feel safe as long as they were nowhere near the darkness. the laughs of drunk friends filled the air as they got into their ubers and went home. signs to diners that were open late flickered welcomingly and the smell of greasy burgers and fries was almost hard for anyone to resist after a long night of having fun.

which was exactly why you were sliding into the booth across from gunwook at 1am on a saturday night. the two of you made plans to venture out into the city, opting to let your feet guide you into a club for the two of you to dance and sing your hearts out for the first time in a while. you deserved it; you were busy nonstop through most of the week from both your shitty attempt at online schooling in hopes of getting your master’s degree and working full time at the breakfast diner just a couple blocks down the street from where you lived. 

“i could eat an entire fucking horse right now if i could,” gunwook groaned. he picked up one of the worn plastic menus from the table, his gaze holding a hint of suspicion as his eyes scanned the questionable pictures of food that were fading with time. he was always so dramatic.

your own stomach was churning at the thought of finally being able to stuff your face with food. you had eaten earlier in the day, so there was really no need to eat a second big meal so late at night, but you supposed an evening full of sweating and more physical movement than you’d done in the past month warranted for it. besides, it was impossible not to have your mouth water at the aroma the moment you opened the door with the little tinkle of the bells above it.

you knew what you wanted from the moment gunwook suggested grabbing a bite to eat. chicken tenders and fries with ranch to dip both of them in. it was always what you wanted, really. you were a creature of habit, you didn’t see any issue with that. 

but the boy sitting across from you did, so the moment the waitress went to put in your order with the chefs in the kitchen - who were probably exhausted considering the time of night - he didn’t hesitate to call you out, “you really need to change it up sometimes. you’re going to turn into a chicken tender before it’s over with.”

“i will order chicken tenders every time we go out if i want to, thank you very much,” you poked your tongue out at him in response after taking a rather large sip of your drink, “besides, we both know i end up being sad after ordering something different.”

the night feels cozy and familiar, your heart glad to be spending time with your best friend after a stressful week and your mind relaxed. you even forgot about the opening shift you agreed to take in the morning because happiness was riddling every single cell in your body. you grinned contentedly, wrapping yourself further into your jacket and falling into a pleasant conversation with gunwook.

your food was brought out to you quicker than you thought it would be considering the amount of people filling up the tables in the room. gunwook dug in, grateful for finally being able to get something on his stomach. he had told you he was sure he would wither away to nothing if you guys didn’t scarf down a middle of the night meal, and with a quick roll of your eyes you followed him into the restaurant.

but you had to admit, the hot food on your belly was one of the most satisfying ways you could have ended the night. you wouldn’t ever tell gunwook that though, didn’t want to boost his ego and all. 

while the two of you awaited your checks from the server, you took note of a phone number scrawled in thick black letters on the wall behind the ketchup and mustard bottles. you smiled slyly, pointing at it to show gunwook, “should i text it? for old times’ sake?”

“go for it! i can’t even remember the last time either one of us prank texted someone,” his grin held just as much mischief as yours, his large hands clapping together excitedly as you opened your messages app and started a new conversation.

[you] wanna see a picture of my cock? ;)

this was usually the thing you always texted to people. sometimes you got varied responses and you were hoping that with this one, you could actually get somewhere with it. most of the time people simply just ignored you or said that you were childish and immature. people just didn’t know how to take a joke, in your opinion.

your server finally returned to your table with your checks and within minutes of paying you and gunwook were in his car and on the way back to your apartment complex. the warm air of the night filtered in through the windows and the music shuffling on gunwook’s phone played softly through his speakers, completely unlike the music at the club. 

you nudged gunwook’s arm gently as he pulled into the parking lot, “i had fun tonight, even if you did force me to go out to eat at one in the morning.”

“shut your mouth, you know you wouldn’t have been able to resist the thought of chicken.”

by now you were heading up the stairs to the second floor, stopping just in front of your door with your key already shoved into the lock, “you’re right. my addiction to it is concerning sometimes.”

that earned a laugh loud enough for you to hiss at him to be quiet, “i’ll see you sometime this week?” gunwook questioned. you gave him a nod, “yeah! maybe we can just hang out at my place or yours? have a movie night?”

“sounds good. have fun waking up in four hours.”

“god, don’t remind me.”

with that, gunwook bid you farewell and walked down to his end of the hall with a yawn. you pushed open your door, allowing it to gently close behind you once you stepped inside. you were a little relieved to be in the comfort of your home if you were honest, simply because going out and dancing as much as you did exhausted you more than you thought it would. 

you breezed through your nightly routine of brushing your teeth, washing your face, and changing into your pajamas before you finally crawled into your bed with a content sigh. there was nothing like curling up under your heavy comforter after exerting more physical work than you initially anticipated. your phone buzzed on your side table next to you, and you quickly picked it up to see a text from an unknown number.

[unknown] who the fuck is this?

[you] your mom LOL

[unknown] if you know what’s good for you, i would stop texting.

feisty one, this one was.

[you] it was just a joke, lighten up

[unknown] if you want to play games with me then so be it. i promise you that you will lose.

[you] what is that supposed to mean?

[unknown] you’ll find out eventually.

[you] is that a threat?

[unknown] maybe, maybe not. it depends on how well you play the games and if the decisions you make are beneficial to you or not. calling the cops will only make things worse. i hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.

opening up your phone app, you quickly typed in gunwook’s number, hoping he would pick up. after the second ring, you heard his voice on the other end of the line, “why are you still awake?”

“hello to you too,” you joked, “i just wanted to update you on what this person i prank texted sent to me. they’re like, really pissed.” you couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, screenshotting the messages and sending them to gunwook so he could see for himself.

he was silent for quite some time, before finally clearing his throat and saying, “they seem serious, y/n. i wouldn’t reply to them again if i were you.”

“this isn’t the first time someone has threatened me, you know,” you teased, your smile still never faltering despite gunwook’s concern for you. he was being dramatic as ever, but you expected nothing less from him in a situation like this. 

“don’t do something to get yourself arrested, yeah? i do not have the money to bail your dumbass out of jail.”

you laughed at his response, “yeah yeah, don’t worry mom, i know what i’m doing.” with that, you said your goodbyes and hung up for the night, throwing your phone on the charger and nuzzling yourself down into your blankets with a tired sigh.

you decided not to take that person’s messages to heart; surely it was just someone who was trying to mess with you right back. this wasn’t the first time people threatened you with things and it definitely wouldn’t be the last.

if only you had known what kind of trouble this would cause you.

the harsh sounds of your alarm clock painfully reminding you that you needed to go to work was not how you wanted to start off your morning, but here you were; head pounding, makeup smeared underneath of your eyes, and your body unbelievably sore. it’s what you deserved, you supposed, it was your fault for staying out with gunwook so late. 

you waited until the last possible minute to get ready for work and head out the door, apron messy and hair lucky to have even been brushed through. you were fortunate to have a ten minute drive at most, so your commute to and from was a lot easier than other jobs you’d had in the past. however, you horribly regretted agreeing to the 7am shift because you truly felt as if you were dying a little bit inside. 

you let out an audible groan upon seeing the amount of cars in the parking lot of the breakfast diner. if you were being honest with yourself, you probably should have just made some excuse and called in, but you also needed to pay your bills so it really wasn’t an option unless you were in dire circumstances. you trudged inside through the back door, quickly clocking in and at least appreciating the aroma of pancakes and coffee. 

“good morning, sunshine!” one of the only co-workers you could stand, taerae, chimed, his bright smile complimenting his chipper mood. 

“morning,” you half-heartedly responded, giving him a tired smile to attempt and make up for it. 

there was a slight pout on taerae’s lips, “what’s got you all grumpy this morning?” he poked your arm playfully, this time earning a more genuine smile from you. 

“a miserable hangover and the worst body aches known to man,” you laughed, mirroring the boy in shoving your apron with straws and napkins for the tables you’d be waiting on in a moment, “gunwook somehow managed to keep me out until one in the morning.”

“let’s get this day going, yeah?” it’ll be over before we know it,” taerae nudged your arm playfully, “you get off at 3, right?”

“yep.”

taerae just beamed at you, his mood never faltering despite your short responses, “if you want, you can come over to my place after our shift and we can hang out and watch tv or something.”

“as tempting as that sounds, i think i’ll just go home and take a nap,” you gave taerae an apologetic look, though he took it well and reassured you that he understood. 

your day drug on longer than most, and you absolutely hated it.

you weren’t sure if it was due to the exhaustion consuming your entire body and you were desperate to go home, or if it was that after the morning rush, the restaurant seemed to be dead. nonetheless, it had been awful and you wanted nothing more than to just curl up in your bed and sleep for twelve hours straight. 

throughout your shift, you’d managed to spill syrup on your shirt - which was white, by the way - and also dropped an entire platter of eggs for a huge party of people who’d come in after morning church. you hadn’t had such an off day since you first started a couple of years ago, so your entire groove being unbalanced only worsened your mood. by the time three o’clock had rolled around, you couldn’t be happier to clock out and bolt to your car with taerae by your side. 

you waved goodbye to your friend and plopped down into the driver’s seat of your car, letting out a long, much needed breath. you were glad to finally be off your feet for the first time since your break earlier in the day. once you pulled into your parking spot, you decided to park your car and relish in the air conditioning for a little while longer. 

you felt your phone buzz in your pocket, and upon pulling it out and glancing at your screen, you were greeted with a text from gunwook begging you to play video games with him and a text from the unknown number you had pranked last night. you blinked slowly upon taking in what was said.

[unknown] looks like you had a rough day. you’re definitely messy.

a shiver ran down your spine, causing goosebumps to rise up on your arms. you quickly typed up a response, which soon turned into more than unpleasant conversation.

[you] haha, very funny. you’re not as intimidating as you think you are.

[unknown] hm, is that so?

[unknown] you drive a small white car and you live in the same apartment complex as your best friend.

[unknown] am i scaring you know?

[you] you’re wrong, lol. you don’t even know me.

[unknown] if i’m so wrong, how come i can see you sitting in your car?

[unknown] you look stunning from afar, i can’t wait to see you up close.

your eyes widened, mind frantic as you looked around in hopes of spotting someone unfamiliar, but you saw absolutely nobody. the vehicles surrounding yours were vacant and there was only your neighbor outside walking their dog, and you knew for a fact it wasn’t them texting you because you hadn’t seen them pull out their phone the entire time they had been outside. you shook your head, finally finding it in you to give the person another response. 

[you] why are you doing this to me? just leave me alone.

[you] i won’t hesitate to call the cops.

[unknown] i wouldn’t do that if i were you.

[unknown] trust me, it won’t work. 

[you] lmao okay.

[unknown] what, you don’t believe me?

[you] not really.

[unknown] what if i told you that if you even attempt to call the cops, or tell anyone else for that matter, that your friend gunwook might be in a lot of trouble?

as much as you tried to suppress your anxiety over the entire situation, you couldn’t help but let it entirely consume you as you shakily dialed gunwook’s number, hoping to god he would pick up the phone. thankfully he did, though you were greeted with a yell of frustration, “damn it!”

“are you okay?” you frantically asked, fearing the absolute worst was happening to him. however, gunwook simply laughed, and you could hear the sounds of fornite and intense key smashing in the background, “that’s what you get, dumbass! i could out shoot you anyday.”

“gunwook,” you practically demanded, ripping him out of his trance from his game. he let out an annoyed sigh, “you got me killed, y/n! this is the most kills i’ve ever gotten in my life!”

you couldn’t keep the tremor out of your voice as you spoke, “gunwook, i need you to listen to me.”

“woah, what’s with the serious tone?” you hoped gunwook was finally taking the hint because you felt like you were going a little crazy. now was definitely not the time for his usual antics.

you sighed, looking around the parking lot once more before answering in a hushed voice, “listen, i’ll explain later, but i need you to lock your door and every single window in your apartment. then i need you to hide somewhere you can’t be found, okay?”

“y/n i don’t under-”

“just do it, gunwook.”

you could imagine him putting his hands up in defense at your words, “okay, jeez. why are you acting so weird?”

you could feel your heart beating out of your chest as you took your car key out of the ignition and slowly exited the cab, making sure to take in every movement and every person you were able to see within your line of vision. you sighed, “i told you i’ll tell you everything soon, okay?”

you were met with silence on the other end, which caused your heart to drop into your stomach. quietly, you whispered, “please tell me you’re still alive.”

“i’m trying to hide like you told me to,” gunwook grunted, and you could hear rustling in the background of the call. at least he was listening, it was way better than him arguing with you and not listening because you had no explanation, “you’re not doing this just to make me look stupid, are you?” you couldn’t help but chuckle at his honest question, answering, “no.”

by now, you were inside of your apartment complex, hurriedly climbing the stairs to the second floor and rushing into your apartment, hastily locking the door and looking around to see if anything was tampered with or off. thankfully, everything seemed to be okay, and while you let out a sigh of relief, you knew it wouldn’t last for long.

“seriously, y/n, what’s up with you?”

you locked yourself in your bathroom, leaning your back up against the door with a sigh. it was difficult finding the right words to even say, let alone tell him he was in danger with someone you didn’t even know the name of. finally, you parted your lips to speak, voice still hushed despite no longer being outside, “i think i’m being stalked, and i’m being threatened with harm coming to you because of it.”

there was radio silence on his end for a moment; surely he was freaking out, hell, you were too, and you knew that this entire situation was scary. relief washed over you upon hearing his voice, knowing he was okay, “is it from the same number you texted last night? there’s no way someone is stalking you after a silly little prank text. besides, it's only been a day.”

“i-i can show you the texts, they’re dead serious i think. they know where i live, where i work, and what color car i drive, your name,” your voice was beginning to tremble, panic settling in now, “i don’t know what to do, and i don’t want any harm to come to you either.”

“we’ll stay on the phone the rest of the night then, okay? they’re less likely to strike if you have someone on the other line.”

“i’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this and that i’m the reason you’re involved,” you felt a tear race down your cheek, eyes closing as you took a deep breath to keep yourself from bursting into a full on sob, "i should have never sent that text."

“it’s not like you asked for this. besides, even if i wasn’t involved, i would make sure i was because there’s no way i’ll let you go through something like this alone,” the sincerity in his voice was enough to make you feel slightly better. the boy chuckled softly, “since we’re staying on the phone, is it okay if i come out of my closet? it’s not very gunwook friendly.”

you nodded, though you remembered he couldn’t see you, and finally you replied, “yeah, that’s totally fine.”

there was some rustling on his end once more, and once it stopped, you assumed he had finally made it out. however, upon getting no response from him when you asked a question, you pulled your phone away from your ear to take a quick glance at your screen, only to be met with your call log instead of gunwook’s name taking up most of the display. you swore you could feel your heart fall to your stomach, fingers hurriedly moving to try and call him back, but it rang until it went to voicemail.

“no! no no no,” you chanted, flinging open the bathroom door and beginning to head toward your entryway. 

your phone pinged, letting you know you were receiving text messages, which you assumed were from the person causing your most recent slew of events. 

[unknown] big mistake on your part.

[unknown] i told you not to say anything to anyone.

[unknown] you fucked up, y/n.

[unknown] your actions have consequences.

[unknown] my game, my rules.

[unknown] he’s not dead this time. 

you shook your head in disbelief, sprinting through your front door and down the hallway, only to be greeted with gunwook’s door slightly agape and the sounds of his muffled groans resonating from somewhere within his apartment. you rushed in, desperately searching for him, calling out, “gunwook?”

“in here,” he grumbled, and you followed the sound of his voice until you found him in the fetal position on his bedroom floor, hands clutching his stomach and eyes screwed shut in a futile attempt to cope with whatever pain he was feeling. 

you were on the carpet next to him in an instant, taking note of a thin stream of blood trickling from his nose and a deep, purple bruise already beginning to form just beneath his eye. you let your tears freely fall. gunwook was like this because of you. sparing him an apologetic look, you quietly whispered, “i’m going to check and make sure they aren’t here.”

“he and whoever was with him are gone,” gunwook replied, “they both left a few minutes before you came in. they also wanted me to tell you his name was ricky."

upon hearing gunwook’s words, you pulled a napkin out of your apron, leaning forward to wipe some of the blood from beneath his nose. he winced a little, but allowed you to continue, tears still blurring your vision at the sight of him like this. the both of you fell into silence; you wanted to give him a chance to recoup from everything that had occurred and not overwork himself too much. 

after a few more minutes, and helping him sit up straight, you eventually mumbled, “i’m so sorry, wookie.”

“don’t worry about it,” he chuckled, gingerly touching the area around his eye, “maybe now things will stop.”

you huffed in annoyance, averting your gaze from his gentle one, “i just don’t understand why he felt the need to do this to you because of me.”

by this point, your mind was reeling. why would someone get so upset over a silly little text? to the point of following you, tormenting you, and bringing harm to the people around you that you care about? it made absolutely no sense to you. 

it almost felt as if whoever was taunting you did things like this frequently. you were beginning to feel hopeless, as if there was no way out of this. it hadn’t even been a full day since you sent the first text and things had already escalated to violence and blatant stalking.

your phone dinged with another text message, jolting you out of your thoughts and causing gunwook’s eyes to widen in fear. you pulled it from your back pocket, reading the message aloud so gunwook could know what it said too.

[unknown] let this be a lesson. you’re not out of the woods yet, nor do i think i want you to be. here’s a hint as we continue to play our little game: make good decisions, face less consequences.

gunwook shook his head in disbelief, “why is he doing this? what is he even gaining?”

“i don’t know, but i’m already tired of it,’ you answered, a deep frown forming on your lips as you shoved your phone back into your pocket. 

“i guess we’re gonna have to find out.”

a few days had passed since your ricky had made his appearance into gunwook’s apartment, and the same amount of time since receiving any kind of text from him. you weren’t sure if that was because you and gunwook stayed attached at the hip for the entirety of that time, or if it was because he was truly done messing with your head, but you were glad to have been able to feel some sort of relief. you hardly slept, but you managed to make it through your shifts at the breakfast diner without any issues somehow. 

taerae had checked up on you a couple of times, taking note of how exhausted you were and the dark circles that had made their new home beneath your eyes. you decided to play it safe, just telling him you’d had issues with your neighbors keeping you up all hours of the night. the last thing you needed was for him to get involved in the situation, too.

soon, you were clocking out after your third shift since ricky’s attack, a tired sigh slipping past your lips. you waved goodbye to taerae, letting him know that you would see him once more tomorrow morning, which was going to be one of the busiest days of the week for the two of you. despite him asking you to hang out at his house, you’d managed to get out some excuse so you didn’t expand ricky’s knowledge of your whereabouts and bring another innocent person into the entire situation.

you walked through the back door to the parking lot, greeted by gunwook’s idling car as he’d waited for your shift to end. you clambered into the passenger seat, shoulders slumping and a wave of defeat overcoming you. he rested his hand on your knee, squeezing gently before he began to drive to your apartment complex, his music playing softly in the background.

he was the first one to break the silence, stating, “i did some research to see if i could find anything on ricky.”

“you what?” you shot up, eyes wide in disbelief, “gunwook, that is so dangerous.”

a slight pout made his way into his expression, “i’m just sick of seeing you like this, and i want to put an end to it.”

“you don’t have to put yourself in danger because of me.”

“i would do anything for you, you know that,” you could feel your gaze soften at his words, “besides, we’re in this together now. something has to give eventually.”

you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, picking absentmindedly at the skin, curiosity eventually getting the best of you, “did you find anything?”

“i found an article saying he’s wanted for breaking and entering,” gunwook answered, “but that was it. i think it said he was twenty three or something like that? i honestly don’t know, but he’s notorious for this apparently.”

you were quick to pull your phone from your pocket, quickly looking for the article gunwook had mentioned. the headline was written in bold, black letters, a photo of him accompanying it just underneath. you felt terrified finally being able to put a face to the name. 

he was handsome, though you hated to admit that. dark, black hair was parted in the middle, his kind eyes deceiving to the person he actually was. he was almost cat-like, features slender and a slight smile twinging on his lips. you felt your stomach begin to churn uneasily.

angrily, you opened up your messages app, deciding to finally give ricky a taste of his own sick, twisted medicine.

[you] what you did on sunday was fucked up.

[unknown] gunwook is still alive, isn’t he?

[you] yeah, with a couple of broken ribs to make up for it.

[you] you’re sick, you know that?

[you] i’m tired of playing this game, ricky.

[unknown] oh, but darling, the fun has only just begun.

[you] what is that supposed to mean?

[unknown] i’ve already told you that your actions have consequences. for lack of better words, i get to control your life now.

[you] please, just leave me alone.

[you] gunwook too, he’s done absolutely nothing wrong. he wasn’t the one who texted you in the first place.

[unknown] it doesn’t matter, being able to use him as a pawn makes this all the more fun.

[unknown] i get to use him against you.

[you] that’s not fair, none of this is fucking fair.

[you] there’s an article i read about you.

[you] i’m going to find you and turn you in, mark my fucking words.

[unknown] okay.

[unknown] whatever it is you do, you will suffer, one way or another.

[unknown] i have ways to get under your skin, y/n, and i’m not afraid to exhaust all my options.

[unknown] threatening me will get you nowhere.

[you] we’ll see about that.

by now, gunwook had pulled into his parking spot and was reading over your shoulder, his mouth agape at the conversation that had just unfolded right in front of his eyes. you met your gaze with his, determination filling you up, “we’re not going to let him win.”

gunwook swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat before he nodded - albeit, wearily - and you could tell he was beginning to trust your entire thought process. that’s really all you needed; his support and willingness to bring ricky down with you, though you knew you didn’t have to try hard to convince him otherwise. the two of you headed into your building, trudging up the stairs and into your apartment, ensuring every single lock was enabled on the door.

the next two days went by rather smoothly, the two of you doing research on self-defense and many other things pertaining to your current situation. you were finally able to get a few hours of sleep, which was a lot more than you’d been able to get the entire week, so you couldn’t help but feel a little grateful. 

things had gone smoothly, once again not hearing anything from ricky and feeling a false sense of security beginning to blanket over you, though you knew better than to let your guard down until you knew for sure everything was truly over. 

you’d spent your nights sharing a bed with gunwook, entangled in one another’s arms in hopes of providing some sort of comfort. it also let you both know you were still there, still breathing, and still by each other’s side. despite your newfound confidence of being able to take ricky down, you couldn’t help but still feel the lingering fear in the back of your mind.

there was always a chance things could go horribly wrong.

you were now at work, your exhaustion for more evident now than it had been earlier in the week. taerae was quick to notice, finally telling you, “no offense, y/n, but you look awful.”

his sudden appearance behind you caused you to jump in surprise, the bag of coffee grounds in your hand tumbling down to the ground with a soft thud, its contents spilling out onto the floor. you groaned to yourself, burying your hands in your face in an attempt to hide any tears that ight have involuntarily dripped onto your cheeks.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you,” taerae apologized, crouching to the ground alongside you, “here, let me help.”

the two of you worked together to get them cleaned up off of the floor, discarding everything into one of the trash cans once you were finished. you gave him a solemn look, finally answering his first statement, “it just hasn’t been a good week, is all.”

“do you wanna talk about it? i’m all ears,” he offered, patting your shoulder in reassurance. 

your eyes flitted up to meet with his, concern dancing in his dark irises, and you felt a plethora of different emotions. on one hand, you wanted to be able to rant about it to someone other than gunwook to try and get an unbiased point of view, but on the other, you didn’t want to put his life in danger either. 

you sighed defeatedly, “do you promise not to tell anyone? it’s kind of a big deal.”

“of course not, anything you say is safe with me.”

with a hushed voice and eyes soaking up every inch of your surroundings, you began to recount the week’s past events to taerae, sparing no details whatsoever. you showed him the initial prank text and allowed him to read everything afterward, filling him on the attack on gunwook, the article, everything. 

you eventually pulled up ricky’s photo upon taerae’s request, and his eyes widened with fear, “this is some serious shit, y/n, you need to call the cops.”

“i can’t, and i won’t,” was your automatic response, “he’s threatened me multiple times to bring worse harm to gunwook and i’m sure he’ll somehow find out that i’ve told you all of this somehow and hold it against me,” you added.

taerae frowned at your reply, “i’ll help you out in any way i can, alright?”

he pulled you into a tight hug, and you couldn’t help but feel a little bit better knowing you had someone else on your side to help you get to the root of your problems. it almost felt as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

taerae’s signature catchphrase was the next thing to come from his mouth, “let’s get this day started, yeah?” giving your frame one final squeeze before you dove into your work of waiting tables and sending orders to the back.

the day had gone by a lot better than you expected it to despite fearing anything could happen to you or gunwook, and now taerae, at any given moment. you didn’t mess up any of your orders and gunwook had periodically texted you to inform you of what he was doing and to check in overall with you.

for once, you didn’t feel on edge. that is, until the man who had been causing you severe mental turmoil had walked through the front door, the little bell signaling his arrival. 

you felt a lump rise uncomfortably in your throat, blood running cold at the sight of him. you hadn’t expected him to blatantly show his face to you like this, but you supposed this was karma for even saying a single word to taerae about the entire situation. 

you accidentally made eye contact with him, his piercing eyes and slender figure looking more intimidating in person than in the photo you’d seen of him. luckily, another one of your co-workers seated him somewhere that wasn’t in your realm of tables. you quickly ran to the back hands trembling as you reached out for taerae, who was surprised by your sudden panic.

“he’s here,” you barely managed to squeak out, “i’m kind of freaking out.”

“do you want me to call the police? if he’s wanted, anyone could, and if i do it the it can’t be traced back to you,” he inquired, appearing to be in the same state of shock as you. 

you nodded, shoving the diner’s phone in his direction, “please hurry, he saw me.”

the string of events following afterward felt like a blur; the wailing of the police sirens, the officers putting ricky in handcuffs, and gunwook having rushed directly to the diner to comfort you. his arms wrapped tightly around you, his chin resting on top of your head as you cried into his chest, mumbling into your hair softly, “it’s over, y/n. it’s finally over.”

the day of ricky’s arrest, you were finally able to sleep without the fear of anything happening to you, gunwook, or taerae. however, you still remained glued to gunwook’s side for the following couple of weeks. you weren’t sure if it was lingering paranoia, or if it was that something inside of you still believed that ricky would be able to contact you from jail. 

you tried to suppress those thoughts, though it didn’t work for long, because the moment you plopped down onto the couch next to your best friend to eat your dinner, the news flashed a headline that made you almost drop everything from your hands entirely.

man found not guilty at trial for breaking and entering into various homes.

and there, displayed right behind the thick words, was the same photo of ricky you’d had nightmares about. your jaw fell slack in shock, gunwook mumbling beside you, “what the fuck?”

“shh,” you waved your hand to prevent him from talking any further, “let’s listen and see what it says.”

“this is sung hanbin, reporting to you live with an update of a story we covered previously. a man under the name of shen ricky was suspected several weeks ago for breaking and entering into various different homes, and police believed it to be the man you see here on screen.

however, we have been informed that this is not the case.

the man you see here proved himself innocent at his trial on monday by presenting the court with evidence of his birth certificate and driver’s license. we have learned that this man’s name is kim jiwoong, not shen ricky.

he was arrested at the wake up cafe in the heart of seoul. police are still on the hunt for shen ricky, so if you have any leads, you can anonymously leave them at the number running along the bottom of the screen. there is no accurate picture of him at this time.

kim jiwoong has been released from the custody of authorities. we’ll keep you updated when we find out anymore information, but as of right now, this is all we have.

once again, this was sung hanbin with your local news. let’s head over to seok matthew for the weather forecast of the week.”

the moment the weather came on, you and gunwook shared a look of sheer panic, completely frozen with no inkling of what you should do. as if on a cue, your phone lit up with a string of text messages from your stalker. 

[unknown] did you really think you could get away with this, y/n?

[unknown] this is going to have some major consequences.

[unknown] i can only imagine how your pathetic little brain convinced you that you were out of the woods, but you could not have been more wrong.

[you] why won’t you just leave me alone? haven’t you done enough damage?

[you] you’ve ruined my life.

[unknown] that was the whole point of this, darling.

[unknown] i’m hoping to teach you the lesson to never, ever prank text phone numbers again.

[you] i think i’ve learned that lesson, please, just stop.

[unknown] not yet.

[unknown] you haven’t even come close to learning your lesson.

[unknown] but you will, soon. trust me.

[you] i’m sorry, okay? is that what you wanted to hear?

[unknown] sorry won’t fix this.

you locked your phone and threw it across the room, the object clattering onto the floor. you couldn’t help but silently hope that it was broken and ricky could no longer contact you. tears welled up in your eyes - you knew your peace was too good to be true, that something was bound to go horribly wrong, but you never once thought it would be this.

you found it hard to breathe, finally locking your eyes with gunwook, voice cracking as you told him, “this is what i imagine living in hell feels like.”

he pulled you into a hug, desperate to hold you as tight as possible, and make sure you were close to him, “we’re gonna get through this, okay? don’t you worry.”

“how can you be so sure?”

“i’m not, but we have to believe it in order to survive, okay? we don’t know what this man is fully capable of, so we need to brace ourselves,” was his answer, and all you could do was nod. 

gunwook fell silent for a moment, deep in thought as he rubbed your back gently, a sniffles able to be heard from him as he did so, “let’s get out of town.”

you pulled away from his embrace, flashing him a sad, defeated smile, “i don’t think that’s going to work.”

“why wouldn’t it? we could get a rental car or something so he can’t trace us. it’s worth a shot.”

you were hesitant for a moment, worried that there would even larger consequences for this, but finally said, “fine, let’s do it.”

after your discussion, you packed a suitcase full of things for your journey, hoping to god you were bringing everything essential. you knew there was no returning to this place once you did, so you needed to make sure anything sentimental was stored away in between your clothes and hygiene products. 

the tension in the air was thick, so much so you could almost cut it with a knife. you were risking your lives for this, for an escape into the freedom from this nightmare you’d been longing for the moment it started. 

you zipped the suitcase shut, hands visibly shaking as you did so, and once you were finished you looked at gunwook and said, “let’s get your things and book it.”

you ventured to gunwook’s apartment, deciding to stick together through it all. you couldn’t jeopardize a single thing; you knew that somehow, every move you made was being watched like a hawk. gunwook made a beeline for the bathroom, you following closely behind, and keeping an eye out as he rummaged through the cupboard beneath his sink. 

as he began to rise to his feet, rustling was able to be seen behind the shower curtain. you parted your lips, desperate to spit the words out sitting on the tip of your tongue, “gunwook, watch out!”

but you were too late, because in one swift motion, the curtain was thrown back and a baseball bat was swinging down with a sickening crack to the back of his head. the recoil echoed against the walls, the sounds of bone crushing being enough to make you feel as if you could vomit at any given moment. 

you watched in horror as gunwook’s body crumpled to the cold tile floor, a labored wheeze erupting from him. thick, crimson blood that reeked of copper pooled around the back of his head, tears slipping out of the corners of his eyes as he looked up at you through them, bottom lip quivering. 

you were next to him in an instant, attempting to apply pressure to stop the bleeding. it was hard to ignore the way his skull felt like rice krispie treats in your hand, or how his erratic breathing was becoming the more he realized what was happening. you weren’t sure how you managed to get any words out of your mouth as you said, “i need you to stay with me, wookie, please.”

it was almost as if the world around you was completely gone, and in this moment, it was just you and gunwook as you held him, watching as he took his very last breath. a mangled cry ripped from your lungs, your hands trying like crazy to get him to say something, anything, but it was no use. 

he was gone. 

“i’m so sorry,” you wailed, “i’m so fucking sorry, gunwook. you did nothing to deserve this.”

you sniffled, brushing his hair out of his eyes to get a better look at his face, which held an almost peaceful expression. warmth radiated against your back, hot breath fanning against your ear, goosebumps arising on your skin as he spoke, “it’s not what he did, it’s what you did. i told you that there would be major consequences, didn’t i?”

his fingers trailed up and down your arm, “you just don’t know how to keep that stupid little mouth of yours shut, do you?”

“get the fuck away from me,” you growled, voice coming out a lot stronger than you had anticipated, “now.”

“getting all tough, are you?” he backed away slowly, hands mockingly up in the air, and you took this as your opportunity to turn and look at the man behind you. 

blonde hair was sitting atop his head, slicked back in an almost elegant way, forehead glistening with sweat. he had plump, dark pink lips curled up into a sinister grin, and blood was splattered across the expanse of his face. gunwook’s blood. a shiver raced down your spine at the sight of him, entirely too terrified to act on any thought of harming him that came to your brain. 

the sounds of sirens blaring on the street below carried into the small bathroom you were currently inhabiting, which alerted ricky that it was his time to go. he stepped behind you once more, his chin resting on your shoulder as he murmured, “if you know what’s good for you, he slipped and hit his head.”

and with that, he pushed past you, slinking away before you could fully see which direction he went and how he managed to escape the apartment. within mere seconds, police officers, firefighters, and emts were questioning you, asking how this had happened and for how long he’d been unconcious. everything was a blur and you honestly didn’t remember most of your encounters with the emergency personnel, but you knew one thing for certain. you didn’t fight back this time.

you gave in the shen ricky. 

the next few weeks were arguably the worst of your life. you had to bury your best friend, work double after double, and barely got any sleep. the lie of gunwook suffering a freak accident kept slipping through your teeth, and you felt an unexplainable amount of self hatred for it. 

but you knew gunwook would have encouraged you to.

you were determined now more than ever to take down ricky, no matter what it took, which was why you were currently sat down with taerae in his living room spilling your guts, completely unafraid of what consequences might come to you because of it. the look of bewilderment and shock on his face was hard to miss as he stated, “you need to tell the police the truth.”

“you know i can’t, taerae,” was your immediate response, followed by a sigh, “i wish i could, but i want to try and take him down myself. it started with him and i, so it should end with him and i.”

taerae looked at you inquisitively, a deep frown settling in on his lips, “i’m not sure that’s a good idea. i mean, what if he kills you too?”

“that’s the price i’m willing to pay if it means i at least attempt to get justice for gunwook.”

taerae fell completely silent, as if entranced by his thoughts. his expression was difficult for you to read and if you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t really have the mental capacity to try and decipher his emotions. 

you were just about to retreat back to your own apartment before taerae’s words stopped you dead in your tracks, “i’ll help you.”

“really?” you questioned, brows furrowing, “are you sure? i don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“no, no, i want to,” he retorted, “gunwook was my friend too and i want to make sure he’s avenged as well. we can do this, yeah?”

with that, you and taerae had planned for weeks on how you were going to lure ricky in and try to get the upper hand on him. you knew the plan was becoming more and more well-developed, and soon, you were feeling confident that it would work, that you had a chance. taerae was quite clever, you had learned, and had come up with things you would have never even thought of on your own. 

you were beyond grateful for him, especially since he was distracting you from the giant, gaping hole in your heart that was missing gunwook. you still cried until your lungs gave out, visited his grave as frequently as possible, and texted his phone even though you knew you would never get an answer. it just kept feuling you to perfect this plan, to finally catch ricky off guard, to finally put an end to whatever it was he was trying to accomplish.

you hadn’t heard from him in a while, so you suspected that you would need to do some provoking in order to get him back into your life. you were currently working on thinking of something to text him, deciding to head over to taerae’s apartment to ask his opinion on what you currently had drafted.

you knocked on his front door, almost instantly greeted by his bright smile, and stepped into the entryway of his home. you began to speak, eyes flitting down to your phone screen so you could open up your notes app, focus entirely on getting to that. he was oddly quiet today, which you were going to ask him about, but you were too late.

the dark haired boy you’d been spending your time with was holding a cloth to your nose, apologizing as you lost consciousness. 

you slowly peeled your eyes open, greeted by complete darkness, absolutely no source of light able to be found despite your efforts. you were still groggy from whatever sleep you had just awoken from, but soon, you could feel yourself begin to panic. you were sitting straight up in a chair, thick, coarse ropes bound around your wrists and ankles and a blindfold around your eyes. you struggled against them, but to no avail.

everything was starting to flood your mind; telling taerae the truth about gunwook and him being the last person you saw before you slipped into your deep slumber. to say you were beyond angry with him was an understatement. you were honestly enraged, unable to think clearly as you began struggling once more, desperately trying to break free from your spot, but it was no use.

a voice sounded off next to you, “they’re awake, ricky.”

the creaking of a door opening followed by heavy footsteps was able to be heard, and the next thing you knew, ricky was behind you once more, all too familiar of the night he killed gunwook. his warm breath fanned across the side of your face, and you could almost hear the smirk on his face as he inquired, “how are you, sweetheart?”

“what do you think?” you sarcastically remarked.

ricky chuckled lowly, “i know it’s not comfortable, but we can’t risk you escaping, can we?”

slowly, ricky untied your blindfold, letting it plop down on your lap. a harsh, white light greeted you, causing you to squint in a futile attempt to gather your surroundings. the floor was made of concrete and the walls were decorated with many things that you didn’t even want to begin to imagine they were used for.

your heart rate began to quicken at the thought of ricky torturing you with them. you knew what he was capable of and he would likely have no opposition to making your life a living hell - he had definitely done that already, but still.

you finally found the courage to speak again, meeting your gaze with ricky, who was clearly satisfied with the sight of you entirely helpless, “why are you doing this to me?”

“oh darling, don’t get ahead of yourself in thinking your special enough to think you’re our only victim,” the mock sympathy in ricky’s voice made you queasy, “this is taerae and i’s little game, we’ve had countless people like you that we’ve toyed with.”

“you’re sick!” you exclaimed, disgust contorting your facials features into a look of disbelief.

ricky circled around you, slender fingers trailing across your shoulders as he did so. you flinched at the sensation, wanting nothing more than for him to get his hands off of you entirely.

“that’s the whole point, y/n,” taerae piped up from his spot, arms crossed over his chest as he watched his partner torment you with each and every move he made.

“you see,” ricky started, beginning to trace the pads of his fingers up the side of your neck and to your jaw, “we put that phone number on the diner wall to lure people like you in. we’ve been doing this for a little over a year now. it’s quite fun.”

you shuddered at his words, unable to believe that truly evil people like this somehow existed in the world. tears welled up into your eyes, involuntarily dripping down onto your cheeks the more ricky touched you. it was almost as if his touch was poison, and you felt a burning itch on every inch if your skin that he ghosted his fingers over.

the blonde finally stopped, cupping your cheek and catching one of your tears, “you’re the most beautiful one we’ve gotten so far, you know. you should be proud of that.”

your voice was shaky but firm, “yeah, because it’s some prestigious award. got it.”

“you’ve also been the most interesting one,” ricky mused, his head cocked to the side slightly, “you put up quite the fight.”

his words gave you the final push to do what had crossed your mind the moment he stepped in front of you. taking a deep breath, swiftly lifting up your legs and jutting them forward into ricky’s gut, forcing him to buckle over at the impact, a dissatisfied grunt falling from his mouth.

you somehow found the strength to stand up despite still being restrained to the chair beneath you, swinging it around to smack ricky with its legs as he attempted to lunge at you. his voice echoed throughout the room as he yelled, “get them, taerae, don’t just stand there like a dumbass!”

by now you had begun to hop away, desperate to find something, anything that to get the rope at least off of your wrists. There were multiple tools and weapons hung on the walls and scattered about the room, and you were able to set your focus on a knife that you saw sitting on the edge of a table within reach in your current state.

you hopped along as fast as your bound up legs would carry you, but you didn’t reach it in time. instead, taerae had yanked you backward, sending you toppling to the ground with a harsh thud. the wood of the chair had split as you did so, a sharp piece sinking into the flesh of your thigh. you let out a pained yelp, “fuck!”

“i bet that hurts,” taerae snorted, “glad it’s not me.”

you laughed dryly, “you know, i never expected you to be part of whatever this is. i thought you were better than that, taerae.”

the boy frowned, one of his dimples peeking out as he did so, “yeah, well, that’s what you get for letting your guard down so easily. i was able to tell ricky absolutely everything.”

“figures.”

the blonde was now standing next to taerae, anger dancing dangerously in his dark irises. it was hard to miss the knife in his hand, gleaming teasingly at you in the light, “can we just put an end to this?”

“wait!” you cried out, attempting to reason with ricky, “if i’m so interesting, why not let me try and put up a fight of my own?”

ricky cackled loudly, “you won’t win.”

“please, just let me try.”

ricky observed your current state and ultimately decided to nod at taerae, signaling for him to let you free from your restraints. he did as he was told, cutting away the ropes from your hands and feet quickly, soon standing back in the spot he behind ricky was previously occupying.

you got up, gingerly touching where the wood was currently impaled in your leg. you winced at the feeling, deciding to bite the bullet and pull as much out of your flesh as you could. if it was sharp enough to hurt you, then it was certainly sharp enough to hurt ricky.

you finally straightened your posture, gripping onto the wood as tightly as you could. you furrowed your brows in concentration, “let's do this.”

ricky immediately lunged forward, attempting to sink the knife into your shoulder, but you managed to dodge him. you were caught in a cat and mouse game, trying your best to get as much leverage over ricky as you possibly could, but to no avail. all of your attempts would up with a quick slice of the knife on your arms and legs, and you had only managed to get one hit on the blonde with your makeshift weapon.

the more blood you lost, mainly from the injury in your leg, the weaker and less adept you became. it hurt to put much pressure on it, let alone attempt to run from the situation entirely. you supposed that's probably what you should have done from the beginning, but with taerae there to aid ricky in any way, your chances of fully escaping were slim and you knew that.

you were panting, trying like hell to get something on ricky, but instead, he managed to get the upper hand, lurching toward you and finally sinking the blade into your abdomen, your back pressed against the cool tile of the wall behind you. freezing in your place, you found it hard to process what was going on, glancing down at the handle and his skin coated with your blood. this was it, this was the end.

he got impossibly close to you, his lips brushing your ear as he said, “play stupid games, win stupid prizes, love.”

you were beginning to fade in and out of consciousness, sliding down the wall and leaving a streak of thick, crimson blood in your wake. your trembling hands were beginning to steady and you were feeling yourself slip out of touch with reality.

the last thing you could remember was ricky’s evil chuckle and the loom of satisfaction in your eye before your vision blurred and everything went black.

except this time, you wouldn't be waking up.

[discar]

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network

Chapter 23 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

Zo: Alva, I have questions about your empire's agriculture.

DIVINER: Well, I'm not an agriculturalist or a biologist, but I'll answer what questions I can!

Zo: Do you have land-gods? Machines that tend your fields?

DIVINER: No, we had to learn to do everything ourselves! Much of it was discovered in the labs belonging to Eileen Sasaki, which is why she's one of our most revered Ancestors. The Empire wouldn't exist if we couldn't expand our fields!

Zo: I suppose our reliance on our land-gods has limited our expansion.

DIVINER: Um, this might be an awkward question...

Zo: That's fine.

DIVINER: And by awkward, I mean insulting.

BoyNextDoor: Apologizing before the insult. Erend, you can learn a thing or two here.

HIMBO: IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE ALL TOO SENSITIVE!

Zo: Yes it is.

HIMBO: OH REALLY? GRANOLA GIRL?

Zo: …

Zo: So what was your question, Alva?

DIVINER: Do you um, know how to farm?? Without your land-gods, I mean!

DIVINER: Sorry!!

Zo: Oh, that. Yes, we do. Not all our villages are directly in the paths of the land-gods. We haven't expanded much, but we have some.

HIMBO: SHARING A BORDER WITH THE TENAKTH PROBABLY HELPED KEEP YOU GUYS FROM PUSHING OUT.

MARSHAL Kotallo: The Tenakth have always had fine relations with the Utaru.

HIMBO: YEAH, AND I'M GUESSING THAT ANY TIME ANYONE SUGGESTED EXPANDING, SOMEONE BROUGHT THAT UP.

Zo: One of the biggest problems my people have is that we are passive. The land-gods provide more than enough for what we need. Even in our outer villages, we rarely actually need to farm. It is always easier to just sit by and let nature take its course.

FlameHairSavior: In my experience, the people in power generally want things to stay the same.

Zo: True, the Chorus is the worst, but this is a problem common among the Utaru. As much as I wish otherwise, the Chorus are not forcing their own passivity on anyone. This is simply the way we are.

BoyNextDoor: Except for a few brave members of the tribe who will charge into a Cauldron with a couple of strangers.

Zo: You say the sweetest things.

HIMBO: EW, THEY'RE KISSING.

BoyNextDoor: How old are you, twelve?

β: flirt on your own time its science now

DIVINER: Right! Zo, did you have a reason you were asking about the Empire??

Zo: I found a story of the Old Ones about an empire making a colony. It just got me wondering if your people had the expertise to do something like that.

β: what story was it

Zo: Terra Nova.

β: i dont know that one

DIVINER: I don't either! But I'm guessing it's sci-fi?

Zo: What's sci-fi?

DIVINER: ...oh, wow, I just realized how much cultural context you're all missing.

FlameHairSavior: We are not having a movie night. At least not until I can go two consecutive days without having to put out literal fires.

DIVINER: I'm sorry to say, I don't think this is something that can be solved with a movie night!!

β: sure it can there are documentaries on film making or whatever

DIVINER: Oh, documentaries!! Those would be so useful!

DIVINER: I don't have any on my Focus, though!

β: nether do i

β: neither

HIMBO: WHAT'S A DOCUMENTARY?

DIVINER: It's a movie for teaching you about something!

HIMBO: SOUNDS HORRIFYING.

FlameHairSavior: I've changed my mind; we can watch one.

HIMBO: HEY!

FlameHairSavior: Though I do seriously need to find a day without an emergency.

FlameHairSavior: I found a Tenakth town in the desert that is flooded, and still doesn't have any drinking water.

BoyNextDoor: What were you doing back in the dessert?

FlameHairSavior: Okay, this was a while ago. Back when I was traveling to Vegas.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Many of our villages are suffering from such problems.

HIMBO: I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT SORT OF SLAG. DON'T YOU GET MOST OF YOUR FOOD FROM THE UTARU?

MARSHAL Kotallo: We still live off the land where possible, one way or the other. We don't just steal everything from our neighbors. We are not savages.

β: also raiding is not a sustainable long term economic practice

β: pirate nations never last long and aloy said all the bandits are always starving

FlameHairSavior: Yeah. That was back in the Sundom and the Sacred Lands, though. The rebels seem to have things a little more thought-out.

MARSHAL Kotallo: They are attempting to wrest control of Tenakth society. There is more to them than mindless raiding for supplies.

DIVINER: So! I've looked over the archive, and there aren't really any documentaries??

DIVINER: Well, there's one on the history of sourdough bread, but that's probably not going to be interesting to anyone??

MARSHAL Kotallo: What in the name of the Ten is sourdough bread? That sounds like something that has been fouled and is unsuitable for consumption.

DIVINER: I don't know! I haven't watched it!

β: aloy we have a new mission for you

FlameHairSavior: I don't know what sourdough bread is either, and I'm not finding any.

β: no not that you need to find the documentary on film making

FlameHairSavior: And where would I find that?

β: youre supposed to be the anointed chosen baby or whatever thats your job

FlameHairSavior: If there's an undamaged library or something out there, no one has told me about it.

DIVINER: There's one in the Quen lands! Well, not UNDAMAGED, but much less damaged! It's where we obtained much of the Legacy we still have today!

β: see there you go

FlameHairSavior: I'm not going to the Quen lands.

HIMBO: AND HERE I EXPECTED YOU TO SWIM ACROSS THE OCEAN.

FlameHairSavior: No, but I can come back to the base to smack you.

HIMBO: OW!

DIVINER: ...did Aloy somehow get all the way back to the base in seconds to smack Erend??

DIVINER: Oh, never mind, I see.

FlameHairSavior: What?

HIMBO: VARL SMACKED ME!

Zo: How WOULD you go about finding specific data, Aloy? Surely this has happened to you before.

FlameHairSavior: Usually, if it's important, I at least have a lead. I knew Faro was at the center of everything, so I went to Faro HQ. Then I found out about other bunkers and labs. That sort of thing.

DIVINER: All right! Then that just means you have to go to Hollywood!

FlameHairSavior: [Sigh.gif]

FlameHairSavior: Fine. Where is it?

ADMIN [GAIA]: The location of the former Hollywood Boulevard is approximately three hundred and thirty-six miles south-west of this facility. Assuming constant use of striders, and not accounting for detours or sleeping, it would be wise to budget at least forty hours for the outgoing trip.

FlameHairSavior: …

FlameHairSavior: I'm not riding forty hours straight to get you a movie.

DIVINER: Aw.

β: erend what are your plans for the weekend

HIMBO: HAHAHA NO.

Chapter 23 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

[flutter2deceive]

Bitching about financials and job things under the cut

My company announced like 2 months ago that our jobs are being eliminated, but it's like this nebulous thing because they're outsourcing and we need to transfer all our products, so my end date isn't until 3/31/2026. Like that's so far in the future and I'm gonna get severence (at end date, i will have worked there for 20 years literally over half my life) + a retention bonus, so I'll be ok for a little while after the fact i think i hope

But anyway i decided to immediately start cost-cutting 2 months ago:

•canceled subscriptions (canceled hulu, paramount+ (i have a plex server hookup anyway), canceled ubereats (and also stopped ordering from them altogether), canceled or went down a level on my minimal patreon subs)

•signed up for Shell's rewards system (it's literally free and you save at least 20cents/gallon every single time and sometimes more without having to spend any money you just click a button and boom extra 10cents if you fill up on a specific day.)

•haven't done *any* fun online shopping or regular store shopping for that matter

•severely cut down my fast food spending (i'm sorry taco bell ily), and as my friends are in similar financial woes, we've stopped ordering food every weekend and opted to make cheap dinners where we each bring some small component like 1 brings pasta 1 brings sauce 1 brings garlic bread

•this isn't a recent change, but i never go out anywhere for like drinks or to see local comedy shows like i used to frequently do. I'm a homebody who goes into the office twice a week and goes to my best friend's house on saturdays and just sits at home the rest of the time

Even with all that!! My debit card is at $26, my 1 credit card is $3 away from its limit, the other is $21 from its limit. I *thankfully* get my paycheck at midnight, but like... woof!

Last paycheck i was down to less than $100 the day before as well. It's so mind-boggling to me that it's this bad. Partially because I've had some unfortunately-timed plumbing issues and had to pay a pricey deductible (but glad i have the insurance obv cuz of how much the total cost would've been otherwise.) But also partially cuz i feel like shit is so much more fucking expensive than it's ever been!! And the last gallon of milk i bought and properly refrigerated went sour like a full week before its expiration date.

I have a decent job and make pretty good money (for now at least.) I have made several cost-cutting measures recently. I feel like I don't *do* anything. And it literally doesn't matter!!

My best friend who has an equally comfortable job told me he had about the same amount of $ as me to last him til his next paycheck too.

And on top of the financial stress, i am so fucking stressed at work because no one knows what they're doing and i keep getting roped into things at the last minute with an IM that says "hey got time for a quick call?" And then i end up having to put together a complicated spreadsheet that is needed by end of week. Why didn't you fucking ask sooner than 2pm on a thursday?! Oh cuz someone who will still have a job at the end of this didn't do what they were supposed to? Ok sure I'll get right on that. And I do. I do get right on that and have it back to you within a couple hours. Because i stupidly care about my job.

Ugghhh i hate everything atm... Except i was able to livestream my favorite singer Terri Clark's debut concert at The Ryman tonight. And i have a ton of Fran/CC fanfics queued up to read. And the Ghosts discord is constantly coming up with the cutest scenarios for H$, my current otp. And i am off the entire next week because next Friday is my birthday. And my dog is snoring.

So i guess it hasn't been such a bad day after all, Charlie Brown... or some such sentimental nonsense 🙃🙃🙃

[whattraintracks]

Today on thinking about The Next Mutation as a continuation of the 90s movies, let's consider brotherhood and origins:

At 15 years old the turtles call each other brothers and have always wondered about their origin.

In TMNT II, Leo asks Splinter why he only now shows them the TGRI canister (why did you wait this long to tells us when you know how much we've wanted any clues?) Donnie privately imagined there was a deeper purpose to the ooze, that they were special. He hates the idea that their genesis was a mistake.

Don says he always thought there was more to the ooze and Leo's response, his immediate, soft I know, makes me wonder if these two have had conversations about this before. Have they confided in each other about their questions and fears and hopes? Whatever the case, they're on the same page, but Splinter tells them they need to focus on the mission at hand.

Jump to 17-18 years old and the turtles don't call each other brothers and only Donnie cares about understanding their mutation.

TNM Leo talks to Venus and insists none of them are siblings, but Donnie seems to consider them a family unit (particularly a dysfunctional one). What changed in two years that caused such a shift and took Leo and Donnie so far off the same page?

Story time, I have a half sister. I don't typically refer to her as such because she's just my little sis, you know, but when I was younger the distinction was important to me. Not because I loved her any different, but for some reason I couldn't ignore the technicality. I often felt compelled to inform people who asked about our relation that we were half siblings then immediately reassure them I didn't love her any more or less for it.

So I wonder, if TNM Leo is experiencing something similar here. He's had a couple years to process what they learned about the ooze and maybe he's stuck on the point that they're literally not related, that it was never supposed to happen like he hoped thought, that his family wasn't really a family it was just a coincidence, a careless accident, and he hasn't yet been able to move past that technicality to realise their brotherhood has value and meaning despite not being conventional.

And I'm hopeful he'll get there! It took me a few years, but even in my own mind my sister is my sister and actually I seem to collect siblings left and right these days. I still consider every foster kid who ever lived in my home to be my sibling and that means I have more little siblings than I know what to do with. I still see my mom's best friend's kids every now and then and they're definitely like siblings. There are probably too many folks I consider siblings, Leo doesn't need to go to this extreme but if we're being honest that would be in character for him.

Let's move on from me, because the more interesting point is how he compares to Donnie. Here's the thing, Don has held onto them being a family (though he's likely examined and reshaped this belief), but I don't think he walked away from TMNT II unaffected. He ultimately didn't let the information and disappointment about their origin affect their familial status in his mind, but he doubled down on understanding their mutation. Professor Perry fully admitted to the ooze being a unforeseen side effect and then presumably disappeared with the rest of TGRI before Donnie could try to pick his brain. So Don tries to figure it out on his own and eventually seeks out Dr Quease's insight.

Anyhow, this is just one of my many thought experiments about how the 90s movies could provide context for different aspects of TNM.

[marksbear]

Hello Mark! May I request shameless male yn x hangman? Yn would ask hangman to have sex all the time in public, private, or literally anywhere you can imagine. He's also very flirty and like to grab Jake's ass as a joke. One day yn want to try something new so he decided to put a vibrator up his ass and go visit jake but he accidently broke the remote controller which results in the vibrator vibrating uncontrollably. In the end hangman have to come to the scene and rescue naughty yn.

-B

Hey B! Of course you can request this I love Hangman! I hope you enjoy it! And sorry for taking so long😭@belosstuff

Warnings! public sex, walking in, Y/n and jake are just total sluts, teasing, dirty talk, blowjob, vibrator

C/s- call sign

HANGMAN X MALE READER

"Hey who's that?" Bob asks and points at the man who is currently just grabbing and slapping Jake's ass. "Y/n L/n Jake's boyfriend." Coyote answers eyeing the couple.

"They have been dating for a while I think" Coyote adds watching Y/n try to pull Hangman's pants down. "Jesus they're all over each other." Phoenix says turning her chair away from the dirty couple.

"It's everyday with them two. Y/n is one shameless motherfucker. Let me tell y'all. One time I invited both of them to my house over the holidays right? I leave them for twenty minutes in the living room by themselves. I came back to Y/n and Jake banging on the floor." Coyote tells the story and seems kinda normal about it.

"They never changed. Last week Maverick saw Y/n grinding his crotch on Hangman ass and Y/n got in trouble, but he kept on doing it."

The team was warming up in the skies just doing y'know basic removers and dog fighting.

Y/n and Hangman were paired up and currently hunting down Maverick while the others listen to their conversations.

"Hangman do you hear over?" The group circle around the intercom to hear better.

"Loud and proud babe. Over" Hangman answers turning his around looking at Y/n jet besides his own.

"After we take the old man down, lets fuck for a job well done alright?"

"Couldn't think of a better way to celebrate Y/n." Y/n turns his head around to face Hangman. Y/n takes off his air mask and blows a kiss to Jake. Jake acts like he catches it and puts it on his chest.

"The two of you will be doing three hundred push ups after this exercise." Maverick says breaking the two conversations with an irritated tone.

"Oh oh old man is jealous." Jake says with a smirk.

"Don't worry Mave. You can watch we don't mind. Since I know it's probably been a while since you had some action. But you can watch me and my boyfriend so you can learn. We will even invite the whole team so they won't get jealous."

Y/n offers flying above Maverick while Hangman goes under Maverick.

"Might as well start prepping yourself Hangman cause i'm about to get him." Y/n says smugly.

"God just fuck me already Y/n." Hangman lets out a fake moan which makes Y/n let out a loud laugh.

"Bring it on you two!" Maverick says flying faster trying to get away from the two.

"What the hell are those two doing?" Maverick says looking at the couple who was supposed to be doing push ups, but instead Hangman has his legs around Y/n waist holding onto his shoulders as they kiss. And for Y/n hes pinning Jake to a Jet grinding his hard clothed cock onto Jake's ass.

"If you think you can tame them two. You're wrong. Hangman is already rude and cocky by himself but when Y/n is with him hes arrogant and more of an asshole than he is. And hes a bit of a trophy boyfriend with him but in the nice way." Phoenix walks up to Maverick already knowing about his confusion.

"Are they always like that?" Maverick asks turning around to Phoenix. "Always. I think the universe made them for each other. Both of their egos and personality boost the others. So in short words no them two wouldn't change for the world." Phoenix answers.

"I knew you would wanted to watch old man!" Y/n shots with a smirk on his face.

It was a quiet day in the classrooms and Maverick is going on and on about safety and loyalty also about trusting your teammates. Y/n is clenching on his shirt for dear life and his mouth is shut tight.

Y/n is sitting in the very back so the vibrator couldn't be heard from the others only he can hear it.

"C/s. Answer the question." Maverick picks Y/n since Y/n is looking out the window not even making an effort to make it seem like he was paying attention. "C/s?" Maverick asks again crossing his arms looking at the young lieutenant. "C/s are you with us?" Maverick asked sounding a bit worried causing everyone to turn their heads facing Y/n.

Y/n turns his head back around facing Maverick. "f-fuck uhm... It's about s-shit!" Y/n covers his face feeling his body heat up and he feels the vibrator stuck on the highest setting making him almost non-verbal.

"Its about the speed you or your partner goes and the--- oh fuck~ t-the outcome of the whole mission..." Y/n throws his head back and covers his mouth hiding his moans and curses.

"Y/n are you not feeling well? Do I need to send you to the medbay." Maverick says walking closer to Y/n. Y/n panics and stops Maverick by saying. "Yeah! All good just having a little headache you know." Everyone but Hangman buys the excuse.

Hangman knows his boyfriend is lying and knows he isn't okay so he asks Maverick could he sit next to him. "Fine but no funny business I mean it C/s." Hangman moves to his seat and walks and sits to his boyfriend.

Jake immediately hears the buzzing once he sat next to him and gave him "What did you do?" Look on his face. Y/n puts his hand in his pocket and takes the vibrator remote and hands it to Jake. "It broke and now it's ten." Y/n answers the question turning his head slightly.

Jake sits back getting comfortable in his chair thinking about ways he can help his boyfriend. Jake smirks once he gets an idea. "Well we got to go to the bathroom but you can't go now because of your problem." Y/n picks up what Jake is saying and pulls up his chair for hes closer to the table.

Jake moves his chair closer as well making sure Y/n would be covered and as well his hands. Jake sneaks his hand to Y/n crotch and pulls down the fly. Y/n helps him out by pulling his pants and underwear down slightly giving Jake easy access.

Hangman runs his fingers around the tip of Y/n cock play around with the head. Y/n glares at Jake for teasing him and Jake smirks and mumbles a fake "Sorry." Before wrapping his hands around his cock giving him lazy pumps. Even though Jake is being lazy it is still satisfying him.

Y/n bucks his hips a little making sure to cause no attention. Jake feels Y/n thrusting up into his hand so he decided to help his boyfriend by jerking him off at a faster pace feeling Y/n cock twitches.

"Oh didn't know you can cum this early." Hangman teases feeling precum slides down his hand. "Don't get cocky. It---it's just~ the vibrator. g-gah fuck im close." Y/n moans are quiet but some huffs and tiny groans can be heard if someone really tries hard to listen.

Y/n's whole body almost gives out from his intense orgasm. He had to bite his hand to old back his noises as he painted Hangman's white. Y/n covers his face as he bolts his hips back and forth as he rides out his orgasm. Once Y/n is out of his high he puts himself back in his pants and fixes his clothes.

"Look at my hand. This is probably the biggest load you ever shot. All because of me." Jake says smugly looking at his cum covered hand. "It's all hot and sticky." Jake adds trying to show Y/n, but Y/n pushes his hand away. "Go ask to go to the medbay and go to the nearest bathroom. I'll be out soon after you." Hangman tells his boyfriend the plan.

"Sir! May I go to the medbay?" Y/n asks with a shot standing up from his seat. Maverick gives Y/n his permission. Y/n bolts out feeling his cock begin to get hard again from the vibrations.

TIMESKIP

Y/n is laying on the bathroom sink waiting for his boyfriend. Shortly enough Hangman arrives locking the door behind him. "Okay. Care to explain why the hell you have a vibrator in your ass?" Hangman asks watching his boyfriend take off his clothes and folding them on the sink.

"Well I forgot we had classes today and I wanted to surprise you with a visit since remember I told you yesterday I wouldn't be coming. But turns out I turned it on to the highest setting by accident and broke it..." Hangman laughs at his boyfriend story uncontrollably.

"Shut up Jake! Cause remember that one time you got turned on from the jet vibrations and I snuck inside your jet to help you-----" "OKAY! Moving on!" Jake cuts his boyfriend off. Y/n sighs and leans on the wall covering his face. "Just help me out Jake. Get this stupid toy out of me." Y/n asks with a groan.

Hangman turns his boyfriend around on the wall so his chest is on the wall. Jake moves Y/n hips out to make it easier to get the toy out. "God your wet. Maybe I should be the to----" "Jake don't even finish that thought." Y/n shoots down the idea.

After a while Jake finally takes the toy out of his boyfriend and Y/n sighs in relief. Jake throws the toy in the trash since it's useless now. "How about I get an award?" Jake says cockily pointing at Y/n hard cock. "You still have your clothes on and we can't make a mess." Y/n answers rubbing Jake's head giving Jake an idea.

"Fuck my throat. And i'll swallow every drop. Please sir!~ I've been such a good boy for you!" Jake sinks down to his knees opening his mouth wide and sticking his tongue out.

Y/n gives in to his boyfriend laying his cock on Jake's tongue. Jake immediately wraps his lips around the tip giving it lazy kitten licks. Hangman wraps his hands around the other half of Y/n cock as he suck the other he can fit. Jake bobs his head back and forth looking up at Y/n making eye-contact. Hangman lets go of the part he can't fit and puts his hands on Y/n thighs giving Y/n access to his throat. Y/n takes the invitation and uses both of his hands to pull Jake's hair yanking him up and down on his cock.

Y/n moves his hands to the back of Jake's head pushing him all the way on his cock out of nowhere causing Jake to moan and gag on his cock. Jake tries to push his head back but always gets pushed back to the base by Y/n. Jake gags and chokes on Y/n cock causing tears to run down his face. Y/n keeps Jake head down as he skull fucks him. Jake cries around Y/n cock as Y/n fucks him merciless.

Y/n feels the knot in his stomach tighten so he bucks his hips up and down throwing his head back. Y/n hears all of the gagging and whimpering from Jake and lets his head go. Jake pulls away as quickly as he can gasping for air. Jake looks up at Y/n and eyes his twitching cock. "Again. Again again! Make me pass out I don't care do just it again until you cum!" Jake begs eagerly clawing Y/n thighs. Y/n looks down at Jake a bit surprised but does the request.

Jake moans and screams around the cock but is muffled by his gagging. Jake never breaks eye-contact with Y/n as he destroys his throat. Hangman begins to feel lightheaded and stops trying to pull himself off of Y/n cock dropping his hands and letting his head lean into Y/n hand going where it's going. "F-fuck! Jake im cumming fuck! You're such a good boy~ for taking me all in such a good boy you are! Im cumming fuck take it nice and deep be a good boy and swallow everything!" Y/n praises with a few more thrust before shooting his load down Jake's throat.

Jake chokes and gags trying to swallow the load and his body trying to make him let some fall out or spit some out. but he ignores his body by putting a hand on his mouth to stop himself. Jake swallows everything and gasps for air "what the hell Y/n! How much cum you have today Jesus almost died trying to swallow all of that." Jake scolds slapping Y/n thighs.

"You been having blue balls huh?" Jake suggests and earns a harsh slap on the back. "No. we have sex like almost everyday. I don't know why I shot so much today." Y/n gets his clothes back on and fixes himself and Jake.

"You better fuck me with a load like that once we get home, so we can fuck for hours." Jake opens the door and turns around to Y/n with a smirk. "Bye C/s hope you had a good time in the clinic. Aren't I just the best doctor.~ Jake pokes fun at Y/n before shutting the door going back to class.

"Hangman where the hell have you been?" Maverick asks the young man. Who has the biggest smirk on his face and sits down beside the knowing Coyote. "Sorry the bathroom was kinda packed." Hangman answers with a dry voice. "You dogs..." Coyote whispers to Jake.

"What? We can't help it."

THE END