#we feelin a lil emotional tonight

[werewolfgenesis]

I drew too much and now I barely have the motivation to finish any of my sketches, I have so many wips rn in my ibis gallery waiting to be finished

I've mostly been doing small silly doodles and dumb little drawings (if you know you know) and I have a whole checklist of things I want to draw

Been so excited to be here and to draw things that I was pumping out so many drawings a day through pure, unadulterated determination and excitement

I'm glad people like my silly art though even though it'll probably slow down now <3

It means a lot to me and everyone has been so supportive of me and my art

I'm not used to having so much attention on me as I haven't really posted online in roughly 4 years but the support means everything to me, even if everything is a little bit overwhelming for me at times, I know I must sound like a broken record but I really appreciate all the love I've been recieving on my art <3

[loveandpeaceanddoughnuts]

ex!Toji x Reader ~ Make You Better

sum: Your ex shows up on your doorstep one night, months after disappearing on you without a word. He’s also bleeding out from a stab wound.

feat: hurt/comfort (emotional & physical), tending wounds, drinking, apologies, protective!Toji // wc: 2717 // [ao3]

You’re jolted awake, nearly falling off the couch where you had passed out a few glasses of wine ago. Bleary eyes squint at the oven clock. 2am. There’s another knock on the door, hard and fast. Desperate. You think tiredly to yourself that nothing good ever happens after 2am, and prepare to be proven right as you slouch to the door and press agains the peephole.

The sight you’re met with sobers you like a slap to the face. You haven’t seen the man on your doorstep in six months, and tonight he looks like the most pathetic kind of stray cat, spiky black hair plastered to his forehead with lashes of rain. His strong form is bundled into a jacket, and his hands are pressed to his abdomen like he’s holding himself together. Toji Fushiguro.

You crack open the door and he straightens up quickly, teeth catching on his bottom lip as he bites back a groan. “Hey, doll. Sorry to bother ya so late.”

“Toji, what the hell? What are you doing here?”

“Mind if we talk inside? I’m not feelin’ too good.”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on. I haven’t seen you since…” since he disappeared. You had had an argument one night, the same one you always had about his line of work, but when you woke up the next morning he was gone. Toji doesn’t finish your thought, just smiles weakly.

“That’s fair. Thing is, I got into a lil’ trouble and this was the only place I could think of to go. Just need a minute to clean myself up, and then-“ he sways on his feet, suddenly unstable.

“Toji?”

His next words are slurred and lost. He takes an unsteady step forward and his leg gives out, left knee hitting the concrete floor with a nasty crunch.

You leap forward on instinct, catching his broad shoulders with an impact that knocks the breath out of you. His head lolls onto your shoulder, and you see the whites of his eyes.

“Fucking hell.” You drag him inside with a litany of curses, just managing to prop him up on the floor against your couch. He’s out cold, his chest rising and falling unevenly, and you slump against the wall opposite him. Nothing to do but wait for him to wake up.

A few too many minutes have passed with just your thoughts for company, and you risk leaving him long enough to pour yourself a drink in the kitchen. The liquor burns your throat but steadies your hands, and it dulls the adrenaline in your veins.

You walk back to the living room and wave the bottle under Toji’s nose, figuring the piercing fumes might snap him out of it. Nothing. You stare into the neck of the bottle, wondering dimly if this could be the mother of all nightmares. Your deadbeat ex-boyfriend passing out on your doorstep in the middle of the night. It would certainly fit the bill.

The part of you that isn’t wallowing in liquor-soaked bitterness thinks that he must have come here, of all places, for a reason. Something out there scared him more than the thought of facing you. With a heavy sigh, you scoot closer to him and push open his jacket, examining his body for wounds. Even in unconsciousness, his scarred hands were wrapped protectively around his stomach. You gingerly pull them away, and fall back on your ass with a gasp.

Fushiguro is bleeding badly. The palms of his hands are stained with what’s already dried, fresh blood slicking your fingers where you’d touched his. His t-shirt is transparent where it’s stuck to his skin, the ragged edges of a puncture wound framing a raw, red hole.

Your body reacts faster than your mind, and before you process what you’re seeing you’ve pressed your hands back over the wound with as much pressure as you can muster. You need a dressing, need to make sure there’s nothing else in there, need to disinfect…

“Why the fuck would you pull it out, dumbass?” You’re mumbling, to yourself. It’s one of the first rules you learn if you’re going to run the risk of getting stabbed with something, come on…

“Wasn’t me, doll. Bastard took his knife back when he ran.” The gravelly voice startles you, and you shove down harder on the wound in surprise.

Toji moans in pain, sucking air in through gritted teeth that somehow still form a cocky smile. “Easy, doc. Don’t need you squeezin’ out the blood I got left.”

“Oh good, you’re awake.” You switch your hands with his, waiting to let go until you feel him put the same amount of pressure on. “Now can you tell me why you’re bleeding out in my living room?” You try to sound detached, even angry, but your voice wobbles and you know he catches it.

“Thanks for bringing me inside.” His voice is softer, almost embarrassed. “Didn’t mean to faint on ya.” You stay quiet, waiting for him to continue. He twists his neck until it cracks, and stares at the floor.

“Wasn’t really thinkin’ straight after I killed the guy that put the knife in me. Realized you were the closest place I knew, wasn’t sure I could go any further. I didn’t wanna bother you, doll. Honest.”

You don’t react to the confession of murder. The more shocking thing was that someone got close enough to Toji to stab him in the gut. It’s a plausible enough excuse, you suppose. And it’s hard to hold a grudge for a man who is currently dying on your carpet.

“Yeah, well. Don’t make a habit of it,” you say gruffly, standing to retrieve a first aid kit. “Let me find something to patch that hole.”

When you return with an armful of gauze you find Toji finishing off the rest of your liquor. He flashes a stupid grin at you, and you start to remember why you hate him.

“That was my last bottle, asshole.”

“Aw c’mon mama, it’s my last meal.”

You roll your eyes, trying to ignore the flutter in your stomach at the old pet name. “In my dreams, Fushiguro. You’re gonna be fine.” You’re still not confident in that, but don’t bother letting him know. It’s not like it’ll matter if you’re wrong. Your assurance seems to loosen something in him though, and the show of bravado cracks with his voice.

“Yeah?” His broad shoulders slump. “That’s good.” He smiles up at you, eyes bright with the drink, his scar bunching at the corner of his lips. “Knew you’d fix me up.”

You hum as you start to cut away his bloody shirt. “Where the fuck is Shiu, huh? Isn’t your handler supposed to do the handling?”

Toji scoffs. “Don’t need him. He’s not happy with my attempt at an early retirement.”

“Not that early, is it old man?” You tease him mostly to distract him from what you’re doing, half-listening to his words, and thankfully he takes the bait.

“Hmm, you didn’t seem to think I was too old, babydoll. I thought you appreciated my experience.”

“Uh huh. Whatever you gotta tell yourself, pops.” You finish cutting the shirt open and slide it down his arms along with the jacket. “Can you get this off?”

He grunts and slips it off slowly, sweat beading on his forehead from the effort. It must hurt like hell, but he doesn’t complain. He sees you watching him and smirks. “Like what ya see?”

“Yeah, Fushiguro. I love a man with a good stab wound.” You won’t give him the satisfaction, but he does look good. His muscles are as defined as you remember them, unexpected hardness on the soft expanse of his body when he moves. He’s tense now, as one is after a near-death experience, and your mouth waters despite yourself at the familiar sight of him. Even injured like this, rain- and liquor-soaked, he’s beautiful.

He’s laughing softly, a pink smudge across his cheeks that isn’t just from drinking. “Did I leave ya speechless?” He relaxes a bit against the back of the couch now that he doesn’t have to move anymore, just the muscles of his forearms standing out as he holds his stomach together.

“Something like that. This is gonna hurt like a bitch, okay?” You take the inch of alcohol left in the bottle and pour it over his wound, biting your lip at his surprised cry.

“What the hell!” He pants, wide-eyed.

“Need to disinfect the wound,” you offer, without apology.

“Know damn well you could’ve been nicer about it,” he mumbles.

“You didn’t have to disappear on me.” The words are out of your mouth before you know it, before you can think of anything else to say, something that doesn’t make you sound like a vindictive, pathetic ex.

He blows out a breath. “Jeez, doll. I guess I deserved that.”

“I did need to disinfect it…”

He holds up one bloody hand to placate you, quickly returning it to his abdomen. “I know. You could have left me outside in the rain. Wouldn’t have been surprised, even.”

“I wouldn’t kill you over it Toji, damn.” You shook your head, angry at yourself for letting the conversation get here. “But why me? Seriously, you’re that mad at Shiu that you couldn’t have him take you to a fuckin’ hospital?”

Toji is quiet for a while before he responds, choosing his words with uncharacteristic care. “Shiu didn’t know about this job. I’ve been…freelancing. Something like that.”

You frown at him, trying to put the pieces together. “Freelancing how, exactly? You put an ad in the paper? Sexy hitman for hire?”

His mouth twists. “You think I’m sexy, mama?”

Fuck. Did you say that out loud? “Not the point, Fushiguro. What do you mean freelancing?”

He smirks, but lets it go. “I’m tryin’ to get out of the game. Turn over a new leaf. Go straight.”

He’s got to be joking. What he’s saying is unbelievable, but. When you look into his eyes, they’re serious. And you know he wouldn’t give enough of a shit to let himself get hurt this bad on a regular job.

“Why?” You’ve kept working on him as he talks, and finish applying the pressure dressing to his stomach. You wipe a wet cloth over his hands, smearing away the worst of the blood.

He’s quiet again, his pulse ticking in his clenched jaw as he watches you treat him. When you move your hands away from his, his fingers twitch like he wants to pull you back.

“Someone…informed me of the error of my ways.” His sharp canines flash as he smiles at you in the dim light. “Introduced me to an, alternative lifestyle. But I wasn’t too good at following the rules.”

“Toji…”

“Hush, doll. This confession’s been a long time coming. Don’t think I can keep goin’ if ya stop me now.” He looks longingly at the empty liquor bottle. “I understand why you were afraid for me, why my line of work was hurting you. It was selfish of me to want you, selfish to stay, when it was putting you in danger…” his breath hitches and he presses a hand to his stomach again with a pained smile. “Don’t think the blood loss makes this any easier.”

You move closer to him and cup his cheek in your hand, brushing your thumb over his rough skin. “I’m listening.” Your anger is ebbing away, replaced with something tender and fragile. You’ve never heard Fushiguro be this vulnerable, and you don’t want him to stop.

Toji’s eyes flutter closed as he leans into your touch. “Are ya gonna make me say it, doll?”

“Yeah, I am,” you murmur.

“I know I’m not what you deserve. But I’d give it all up to get just a little bit closer. Be a little bit better for you. I left because…” Toji trails off, and you feel the man tremble under your hand. “You were sleepin’ next to me, all innocent and beautiful, and I couldn’t…” he tries again. “I couldn’t let you tie yourself to a broken down old man like me.”

Toji opens his eyes and looks into yours. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But since then, I’ve done everything I could to be better, be someone worthy of you.” He shook his head, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “But it seems my colleagues don’t take kindly to someone gettin’ out of our line of work.”

Something like pity shows on your face, and Toji talks faster. “I wasn’t planning to come back so soon, I swear. I was gonna take you out someplace nice when I was clean, show you that I could live this life, that I’d changed and that I’d done it for you.”

He reaches up to hold your face, and his calloused palm is softer than you’ve ever felt it. You’re looking at his lips, remembering the heat of them on yours. “Toji, I…”

He pulls his hand away as you lean toward him, the narrowing space between you electrified. The shadows shift across your face as you come closer. Toji suddenly jerks away from you, a look of horror in his eyes as they fix on your cheek.

“Toji? Toji, what’s wrong?” Your voice comes out too high, frantic and defensive. The wine and liquor roil in your gut as nausea climbs up your throat.

He presses himself against the couch, and his voice sounds very far away. “Your face, doll.” He’s shrinking, making himself as small as possible, as if his touch would contaminate you.

You press shaking fingers to your cheek, staring dumbly at the blood that smears them when you pull away. “Toji?” You’ve said nothing but his name for the last minute, each iteration smaller and more confused.

His smile is icy, the soft warmth he had shown you doused completely. “You’ve got my blood on your face. S’like I said. I’ll ruin you.”

You wipe hard at your cheek, leaving it red and stinging. “It’s nothing, Toji. I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to be! Fuck!” He tries to stand and you cry out, rushing to steady him, but he pushes you away. “This is what I mean!” You can’t tell if the shine in his eyes is from blood loss, liquor, or tears. Toji’s throat burns as he tries to keep you from guessing the latter.

“It’s the middle of the goddamn night and you’re holding my guts in while I bleed on your carpet. You let me in, hell you carried me in here after I collapsed on your doorstep like a pathetic little stray.”

He’s wobbling on his feet, but manages to keep you at arm’s length. “Someone could’ve followed me here. I could get you killed.” A strained laugh. “I’m a fucking curse, doll. I need to stay the hell away from you.”

A red stain is blossoming on his clean bandages, but he hasn’t noticed yet. “You don’t get to decide for me!” You cry, furious at his arrogance, desperate to keep him here until you know he’ll survive the night.

“What would you decide then, hm?” He points at himself. “This the prize you want? A beat-up old man who kills people for a living? Who comes home with blood on his hands? It’s not always mine, sweetheart.” He’s being mean and you both know it, the venom in his words meant only for himself.

“Maybe it is. So what if it is?” He lets you come closer, leans into your space, drinking in your look of defiance.

“That’s why I get to decide.” He’s pushing past you, heading for the front door, limping with every step. You don’t move to follow him. You press your lips together and curl your hands into fists, fighting to stay still as you watch him stumble, clutching at the wall. He staggers two more steps before he falls hard onto his knees.

You step up beside him, looking down with a sad smile. “I don’t think you’re leaving tonight, Fushiguro.”

He swears at you with his last breath before he loses consciousness.

[thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos]

Bayverse Tipsy HCs

I went to a fun lil bar with some friends tonight and as I was looking around, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of drinkers the guys would be...so here we are. Everyone is 25+ (drink responsibly)

mentions alcohol, obviously

-Raph is a lightweight. Like a few drinks, and he's laughing and goofing around with Mikey like he's 16 again, messing with his brothers and telling stories; like a weight comes off his shoulders and he can relax, a lopsided smile plastered on his face.

-Leo only drinks sake (for the aesthetic). Mikey makes fun if him relentlessly (he calls Leo a weeb, in sibling name-calling fun). Leo claims he likes the taste, but Mike has compared the spirit to sweaty socks on multiple occasions. Leo will roll his eyes as he sips from his cup, Mikey and Raph giving him endless shit- but no one misses the wince as he swallows.

-Mike is the party dude- always has been, always will be. When he's feelin' it, he's all smiles and laughter until everyone else goes to bed for the night; sometimes staying up even later to play videogames by himself, or to text a friend, so the fun doesn't end too soon. He's the party instigator, turning movie nights into drinking games, or card games into waterfall. The guy loves to have a good time- and to turn his brain off so he doesn't have to think for a while.

-Don is a wild card. He likes whiskey, scotch, or bourbon- but doesn't drink to get drunk, he just genuinely enjoys the taste (Mikey and Raph know better than to make fun of Donnie, cause of threats that will be followed through on). When he wants to party, though, he rolls a joint in the back of his lab and lights up a fat one; and the man is alllll giggles when he's stoned- just a happy high going on while he watches his brothers with amusement on his face, and a bag of pork rinds in his hand.

-Mikey knows that Donnie smokes, and the brothers occasionally sneak off together to a tunnel far away enough from the lair that mother hen (Leo) won't smell anything (Leo knows, he's not an idiot). Leo doesn't really care, he's mostly just annoyed that they feel like they need to hide it from him. Raph smoked with them a few times, but it just made him paranoid- so he just sticks to what works.

-Raph gets goofy when he's tipsy; sometimes singing along to the music Mikey puts on the stereo, sometimes dancing to it in the middle on the living room- but always having a good time. He would 100% put the lampshade on his head and dance around to Elvis if he felt like it (90s movies). Loveable drunk guy energy.

-Leo is the sad girl drunk- getting emotional for seemingly no reason, abruptly leaving the room, then coming back an hour later and demanding an apology when every one else has forgotten what in the hell he's talking about. He feels things so much deeper when his guards are down; much quicker to anger, quicker to cry. He also wants to talk about deep things when he's tipsy, much to Mikey's irritation.

-Mikey has jackass energy when he's trashed. Like, let's ride this shopping cart off this ramp and see how far it goes into the street. Or what will happen if we shoot fireworks off in the tunnels? Or let's go down to the Hudson and see if we can spar underwater. Raph is his ride or die when it comes to his drunken schemes, but Leo always manages to shut down their plans somehow (he's not afraid to tattletale).

-Mikey can drink all of them under the table though, even Splinter.

-The guys' favorite game to play is beer pong- Raph is the undisputed champion of singles, but Mikey and Leo have won doubles every tournament for two years in a row. Donnie and Raph together can't focus long enough for the competition; Raph getting distracted by the music, and Donnie laughing too hard at him to aim the ball.

-Once Donnie set a glass of six raw eggs in front of a hungover Mikey, sliding it to him and mumbling about a hangover cure as Raph recorded them on his phone from the hallway to the kitchen. Splinter walked in as Mikey spit the mixture everywhere, and they were cleaning up egg yolk from the walls for a week.

-When Leo does let go of the control and anxiety, he has so much fun goofing around with his brothers like they used to as kids. It warms his heart to see them all gathered around a table, playing games and spending time together, as adults. He loves them so much. No Mike, I'm just a little tired, that's why- yeah, don't worry about it.

tags : @thelaundrybitch @sophiacloud28 @zombiesnips-blog @4evrdreamin5 @gornackeaterofworlds @the-cauldron-witch @pheradream-15 @iridescentflamingo @scholastic-dragon

this was so fun lol :) as always, hit me up if you wanna join the tag train 18+

[cozza-frenzy]

Not too much going on tonight; had a picnic at the park, shoutout to Bitter and Caddy for absolutely knocking it out, my headmates work HARD when I'm on a much-needed front break. They made THREE kinds of sandwiches, THREE different sides. Heard someone playing "VOID" on an outdoor piano and now I'm having Feelings about MONTERO again and feelings about those feelings. What an album. The composition, the heartfelt lyrics. "Lately I been feelin' small as the salt in the sea" is such poetry. And when the "See, I'm gettin' tired of the way I been livin' / I'd rather die than to live with these feelings" hits in VOID, just, god, I haven't felt a line cut so deep in my SOUL since the "I don't wanna die / I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all" from Bohemian fucking Rhapsody. Different songs seem to resonate with different alters, but VOID is mine. "I find it hard to get / way too hard to live" Life is hard for me. It's hard for us. We've had to cobble together some semblance of existence from a psyche that cracked and shattered and healed wrong long before we even knew what the word meant. We're only incredibly lucky that our body's needs are taken care of, that we have friends and we've found our own family; that we've survived long enough that we're finally able to find everyone. Get back what we were missing. Reach back into the past and find what's been hurting us this whole time. The inside of our head was so noisy, chaotic and painful that I don't know how we managed to hang on as long as we did. Our mood seemed to turn on a dime. We'd do things or react in certain ways and then immediately forget why we did them, or lose the feelings associated with them. Old friends simply ceased to exist then would suddenly pop back into our awareness. It was a constant barrage of noise, constantly being blindsided by intrusive thoughts and half-remembered things. Emotional flashbacks would hold our throat in their teeth and then disappear back into the constantly shifting nightmare just before they bit down, with no trace they were ever there. And that was just what life was for us. We didn't know it could ever be anything else. I wish we'd known sooner, why we were like this. And it's hard sometimes, to think we'll ever truly know peace, but it has to be out there somewhere. Uncovering old splits and missing parts has to stop at some point. There has to be something to us other than layers and layers of pain, or else we wouldn't still be here trying to fix it. New old alters wouldn't be coming out if they didn't have any hope of recovery. We wouldn't be here to love and support each other if there was no point to this. We've uncovered three new alters in two weeks and now I'm crying over Lil Nas X lyrics. It wasn't how I pictured my 30s being, but we ball. - Terry

[riceballcatfb]

My favorite Kyoru fanfics

The Furuba fandom is full of talented fanfic writers, and I wanted to share some of my faves. I marked all the TWs I could remember, but make sure to read the tags on each fic's page. 💕

I also write fanfics at: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucybeee

Divided into categories of FLUFF, SMUT, EMOTIONAL HURT/COMFORT, MUTUAL PINING, AU (ALTERNATE UNIVERSE), and OTHER.

FLUFF:

"To Have and To Hold" by AmyNChan: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32395837

"Baby, take this next step with me" by cold_flame: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32069827

"catblocked" by miss_coverly: (*implied sexual content*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/31903687

"Lunch Break" by cold_flame: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31735495

"Kick" by KammieCeleek: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31632353

"Annunciation" by Geoduck: (not technically? Kyoru, lots of Yuki) https://archiveofourown.org/works/31583126

"Singsong" by lugubrious https://archiveofourown.org/works/31331432

"settle down with me" by furubaish: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20118079

"i'm home" by animation_nerd: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30525489

"Tenderness" by thesohmaestate: (*implied sexual content*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207985

"Surprise, Baby! Part 1—Hajime" by KyoruQueens https://archiveofourown.org/works/24780973/chapters/59923339#workskin

"Between the Raindrops" by Pr3ttyM3ssy: (*implied sexual content*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28421691

"Ice" by sparklyfaerie: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28342299

"Saint Claws" by gotemsayingwow: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28315263

"(un)Romantic" by sparkleyfaerie: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26933161

"Millennium" by f3tid: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26891098

"I Don't Want To Go Home Alone:" by gotemsayingwow (*implied sexual content*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836006/chapters/65472577

"Hatsumode" by sparklyfaerie: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26834506

"Day's End" by sparklyfaerie: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26629393

"Alone Time Can Be Fleeting" by Spunkangel: (*light sexual content*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26521384

"Tohru's Birthday" by Geoduck: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8462890

"The Company We Kept" by gotemsayingwow: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199214

"Baby Bump" by bipolarweeb: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19878304

"Cat's Spirit" by bipolarweeb: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20524826

"Just One Picture" by bipolarweeb: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25892695

"my heart on your sleeve" by miss_coverly: (*implied sexual content*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/25752121

"what we were dreaming of" by gureisu: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25621672

"and i held you in my arms" by peachilized: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25605121

"Box Lunch" by floraltohru: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25063696

"Keep Me Warm" by zhiantara: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25385395

"An Attempt Was Made" by Why_is_gamora: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25371763

"Our Job" by ashe_urbanipal: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25346938

"not even the rain has such small hands" by miss_coverly: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25340518

"vigilante" by floraltohru: (just light Kyoru) https://archiveofourown.org/works/25249171

"i got lost while the sunlight was painting us gold" by Vulpeculate: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25019278

"you're such a dream to me" by thewinterose: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19794463

"you can practice on me" by shedreamsofstars: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24055933

"put your lips close to mine" by shedreamsofstars: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24595519

"i know i've kissed you before, but i didn't do it right" by a-bigail (spacepuck): (*implied sexual content*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/19876051

SMUT:

"Bathroom Escapades:" by Anon_xoxo: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32074996

"Sink" by sparklyfaerie: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955061

"New Memories" by TeacupOctopusTopHat: (also AU) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26277481/chapters/63971191

"Just a Dream. Nothing More." by riceballinthebasket: (pretty light smut) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864131

"inertia" (a series) by miss_coverly: (also just slightly AU, ongoing as of July 5, 2021) https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948753

"Flush" by sparklyfaerie: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26741857

"Seeing Red" by reconquer: (light smut, mostly just amazingly hilarious) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26733187

"hell was the journey, but it brought me heaven" by zhiantara: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26549539

"Everspring" by f3tid: (not complete as of July 5, 2021—looks like it might have been dropped, but still FUCKING amazing) https://archiveofourown.org/works/25603540/chapters/62144008

"feels so good to feel" by gureisu: (pretty light smut) https://archiveofourown.org/works/25472566

"put your lips on my skin and you might ignite it" by thewinterose: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20249746

"i like my body when it is with your" (a series) by thewinterose: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1413367

"Fanning the Flame; Waking the Animal" by TripleX_Tyrant: (*fans face* woo it's hot in here) https://archiveofourown.org/works/22605460

"Lost in Paradise" by Lolita_pen: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20622485

"Curves and Edges" by Sophia_Ravencrest: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28448118/chapters/69711165

"Running Hot" by BeigeRabbit: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445591/chapters/67094716

"Sweet Disposition" by truthwallflower: (looks like it'll turn into smut? ongoing as of July 5, 2021) https://archiveofourown.org/works/32363944/chapters/80234113

EMOTIONAL HURT/COMFORT:

"...i'll protect you from your dreams" by liquorisce: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26887639

"small voice, dark hallway" by a-bigail (spacepuck): (*also labeled as AU*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/18709534

"Gratitude" by gotemsayingwow: (also pretty fluffy) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199124

"crybaby, crybaby (i need to cry, baby)" by thewinterose: (*implied sexual content, TW: grief*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/21771904

MUTUAL PINING:

"Tonight you belong to me" by palamig: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18595273?view_adult=true

"our fingers dancing when they meet" by shedreamsofstars: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28077531

"Why is today so special?" by modzy78: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823879

"such a pretty face" by The_Eclectic_Bookworm: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26523289

"It Bothers Me Too" by riceballinthebasket: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27181349

"Green" by sparklyfaerie: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036169

"Better Off" by riceballinthebasket: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26977768

"Never Again" by Pwrites: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26353651

"Sappy" by bipolarweeb (also tagged as hurt/comfort): https://archiveofourown.org/works/21742675

"Year of the Cat" by Anonymous: (*also some sexual content, not explicit*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/25186534

"does the galaxy hold a different story" by meadoe: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098292

"pining and desperately waiting" by thewinterose: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602068

"must be love on the brain (that's got me feelin' this way)" by thewinterose: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19033309

"i'll come closer to you (if you come over)" by thewinterose: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206736

"Written on your skin" by palamig: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20963591

"enumeration" by floraltohru: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480013

AU (ALTERNATE UNIVERSE):

"The Night We Met" by pettyimperfections (LOVE IT): https://archiveofourown.org/works/24259768/chapters/58464862

"and hear the harmony, only when it's harming me" by miss_coverly: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26447077

"What's a White Lie Between Friends (& My Family?)" by AnxietyAvocado: (*TW: brief attempted sexual assault, not detailed*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/24114184/chapters/58051627

"Two Lines" by KammieCeleek: (*light implied sexual content*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/31894495/chapters/78975883

"The Other Side" by proseprincess: (*couple of smutty chapters,* ongoing as of July 5, 2021) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27020377/chapters/65963152

"your face turns red and so does mine" by skyexplosions: (rated M, ongoing as of July 5, 2021) https://archiveofourown.org/works/32211892/chapters/79823173

OTHER:

"Tohru's Leaks, Kyo's Leaks" by Geoduck: (*humor; light sexual content, not explicit*) https://archiveofourown.org/works/18185816

"Second Visit" by Geoduck: (*TW: PTSD;* tagged as hurt/comfort, also a lil fluffy) https://archiveofourown.org/works/30663365

"gimme three steps" by winryrockbae: (*TW: alcohol, bar;* humor, fluff) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28281903

"(i'm so) heavy in your arms by liquorisce: (angsty) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27498043/chapters/67239421

"a scattered assemblage" by floraltohru: (a bunch of oneshots, some Kyoru; ongoing as of July 5, 2021) https://archiveofourown.org/works/23916382/chapters/57507973

"Family Ties" by pchanpro: (a collection of Kyoru oneshots, ongoing as of July 5, 2021) https://archiveofourown.org/works/32069545/chapters/79444072

"seeking eden" (a series) by ArtificalFlavorz: (looks like it was dropped, but still amazing; *mutual pining, smut*) https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897249

"heat wave" by ArtificialFlavorz: (looks like it was dropped, but still amazing; a collection of Kyoru oneshots) https://archiveofourown.org/works/20760791/chapters/49331102

"in the cracks of light, it was you i dreamed of" by sailorshadzter: (collection of Kyoru oneshots, ongoing as of July 5, 2021, rated M, ) https://archiveofourown.org/works/32100574/chapters/79525642

"Let's Chat" by AnxietyAvocado: (the sex talk lol) https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939588

"A Word Sparks a Story" (a series) by f3tid (collection of Kyoru oneshots, ongoing as of July 5, 2021): https://archiveofourown.org/series/1966282

[roanniom]

This made my day seeing your requests open!!

I’d like to please request some hot dominat Clyde action. We all know he’s a softy, but we all also know he’s capable of being a big and scary if he needs to. Thoughts on Clyde protecting you from something and then still being riled up with you after, in all the best ways? :)

Hiya anon! I was happy to write this for you. Fun story, what Clyde does (re: the beer bottle) in this story is actually something a bar tender did when defending me from a creep back in my college bar hopping days lol. I WISH it was Clyde who had done it. I would have loved to thank him. 😉

Out of Trouble

Clyde Logan x Reader

Word Count: 2,730

Warnings: NSFW, PIV sex, possessiveness, dirty talk 

You reassess the situation you find yourself in – by no means an unfamiliar one, but definitely out of the norm these days and wholly unpleasant all the same. The man currently harassing you at the bar is clearly not a local. First of all, you don’t recognize the handsy son-of-a-bitch. And secondly, everyone in town knew that you were Clyde’s girl.

You two had only recently made things official, but in a way, hadn’t you always been Clyde’s girl? Your best friendship had always been tinged with a sweetness that surpassed the roles of mere pals. Sure there was flirting, how could you resist with the way a properly timed tease or suggestive comment could make Clyde blush and stammer as if on command? But even more prevalent, and more obvious to the patiently waiting members of the town, was the ownership you both had of one another. People knew better than to hassle either of you, verbally, hypothetically, or otherwise, in the presence of the other. You had Clyde’s back and he had yours, each of you displaying a possessiveness that made others smirk and roll their eyes while hiding their jealousy. You had what they did not, and now that the two of you were finally dating, envy was a common emotion amongst regular Duck Tape patrons.

Something this creep clearly was not privy to it would seem as he reached out to caress your forearm, an action which you flinch to avoid.

“Come on, baby. Let me buy you a fucking drink,” he was saying at this point. He was getting more forceful and though you had previously been courteous in your refusals, you realize that it might be time to fight back. He swayed on his barstool before continuing. “Stop being such a bitch. What could one drink hurt?”

“Every bone in yer fuckin’ body,” comes a low, deep growl that makes both you and the creep look up to the swinging door behind the bar. Your heart swells with relief and other, undefinable emotions as Clyde stalks up, his massive body an intimidating figure as it looms over the other, weasel-y man, threatening even with the bar between them.

“W-what’s your problem?” the creep practically squeaks before clearing his throat and jumping up, trying to draw himself up to his full height, which just comes across as laughable. Of course, next to Clyde, any height would be laughable.

“My problem is yer comin’ onto m’girl. That’s my problem.” His tone is deadly quiet. That’s your Clyde, soft spoken, even as his flesh hand clenches and murder simmers behind his eyes.

“Look, she was sitting here all alone. In my book that makes a bitch fair game - ” the creep begins, but he doesn’t get much farther with his misogynistic diatribe because Clyde reaches over, grabbing a nearby customer’s almost empty beer. Grasping the bottle around the neck, Clyde smashes the bottle down against the edge of the bar. The barrel shatters with a loud crash that silences the din of the room and causes the neck of every patron to whip around for the source of the sound. Clyde stands before the creep brandishing the remaining shards of the beer bottle like a shiv.

“Here’s what yer gonna do,” Clyde says calmly, the violence of his actions not succeeding in raising the volume of his voice. “Yer gonna apologize t’ the lil lady fer troublin’ her, understand?”

The creep stares at Clyde, wide-eyed and panicked before nodding and turning to you hastily.

“I’m sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking, sorry –”

“Good,” Clyde says, cutting the guy off so that he can no longer address you. You eye Clyde as he waves the shattered bottle menacingly. He’s never looked bigger. Never looked darker. Never looked hotter. When he speaks again his voice is even lower, if that’s possible. “Now yer gonna get the fuck outta my bar.”

The creep is gone in a matter of seconds, running out the front door so fast you almost imagine his skeleton being left on the bar stool in his wake like some frightened cartoon character. Before you can look back up at Clyde, his large hand is encircling your wrist and yanking you toward to door to the back of the bar. You let yourself be pulled, barely registering how the conversation kicks back in, customers already basking in the aftermath of Clyde’s rare emotional outburst.

Once the door to Clyde’s office is safely shut behind you, Clyde pushed you to sit down on his couch while he paces back and forth in front of you. You’re bewildered by this response, unsure if you should say something so you remain silent, watching him. After a moment Clyde yanks a hand through his hair forcefully. You swallow and decide to finally speak up.

“Are you okay, Clyde?”

“I’m NOT fuckin’ okay,” Clyde replies and you’re shocked at the way his voice raises with his words. You’re suddenly worried he’s gotten the wrong idea and you’re quick to fold your arms defensively across your chest, your own voice rising.

“Hey, if you’re mad at me you should know it’s not like I encouraged that asshole.”

Clyde is quick to round on you, looking panicked.

“I didn’t say ya did. I know ya wouldn’t…ya’d never…” Clyde trails off into a growl and resumes his pacing, flesh hand clenching and unclenching.

“It’s over, Clyde,” you soothe now, switching tactics and lowering your own defenses. He’s clearly distressed and you’re not sure how to calm him. “He’s not the first and probably won’t be the last guy to bother me.”

“That’s what’s killin’ me, darlin’. What if I hadn’t walked out? What if ya were alone an’ this happened?”

“I can take care of myself, you know.”

“I know ya can,” Clyde says, voice more characteristically quiet now but frustration no less palpable as he waves his prosthetic arm distractedly. “I dunno what’s gotten intuh me. I saw him touch ya an’…an’…” Clyde reaches out and swipes across a table, throwing everything to the ground. His chest heaves with his outburst. Yours is rising and falling rapidly now, too, but for you its stemming from the realization that this man. This sweet, beautiful man is losing his cool over his desire to protect you. To defend you. You’re a modern woman. As you’d just told him, you can take care of yourself and you are very proud of that fact. But something about the dark look in his eye and the way his muscles shift tensely beneath his shirt and the way he stomps before you makes you feel like you want to disappear in his arms and never resurface.

“You’re a good man, Clyde,” you say softly. He shakes his head and gives a humorless laugh.

“Not tonight, I’m not, darlin’. Not with these thoughts. I haven’t felt this way since…”

“Overseas?” you ask. He nods, trying to take a deep breath but releasing an even angrier exhale.

“I’m sorry, darlin’. I can’t seem to calm down. I’m just so fuckin’ mad.”

You watch your big bear, usually so gentle, wrestle with his emotions before you. Immediately you have an idea, standing up and moving to him. Using one hand to peel open his fist and interlace your fingers. He grips you too tight but you just bite your lip. Your other hand slides over his bicep and shoulder, kneading into the tense muscles there as you press your face into his chest. His prosthetic arm winds around your waist, pulling you into his body naturally. This does nothing to slow his breathing, which picks up more speed. Feeling you against his body is reminding him of how small you are. How vulnerable. He feels another surge of rage and desperation course through his veins.

“I don’t know why I’m feelin’ this way,” he mumbles but you reach up and grab his face to force him to look at you.

“Feel whatever way you feel,” you reassure him. You lift up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss, but the force with which he responds steals your breath. His arms wind around your body and crush you to him as his tongue ruthlessly explores your mouth, as if searching for solace can only be done in the space where you are most conjoined. The aggression is dizzying and his fingers are bruising on your frame but you love it. Used to light touches, soft caresses, you feel a hunger burn beneath your skin, as if your every muscle is rejoicing at the deeper pressure, the deeper friction.

When Clyde finally pulls away you are winded and dazed, now breathing just as heavily. His eyes look no less wild but now there is a tinge of concern.

“M’sorry, darlin’. We should stop, ‘m too worked up. Can’t be sweet to ya the way ya like.” His words are husky and rushed but you’re just as rushed to shush him. You’re already working at his belt and pulling him back to the couch.

“I like you in whatever way you’ll have me, baby,” you mumbled against his flesh, kissing down his throat as you pull him down to the cushions. “Take it out on me.”

“What if I’m too rough with ya?” Clyde asks, but his hands are already ripping your shirt over your head and his mouth latches onto your throat, your collar bone, your breast through your bra.

“I want you to be rough with me, Clyde. I’ve wanted you to be rough with me since the moment you walked out and gave that asshole what-for.” You’re pressed down, back against the couch now, with your legs tight around the wide barrel of Clyde’s body.

“Did ya like that, darlin’? Yer Big Bear defending ya?” He’s no longer hesitant in his movements and no longer trying to stop himself. Instead he takes a handful of your ass, pulling your pelvis up off the couch so that your clothed pussy presses fully into his erect and waiting cock. You moan, both at the sensation and at him calling himself Big Bear for the first time. You’d only been dating for a few weeks and things were still new, including shyness around pet names. You’d called him Big Bear the night before in the teasing lead up to some love making and he’d only flushed and stammered in response, busying himself by burying his face between your thighs.

But right now he’s gazing down at your face with an air of intensity and you feel saliva pool in your mouth and wet slick your quivering heat.

“I liked my Big Bear defending me. So strong and big.” You say the last word as you close your hand around his enormous cock through his unzipped jeans. Clyde bucks into your hand and hums from where he’s suckling at the underside of one of your breasts, curved down into you despite your differences in height.

“Nobody else can have ya,” he grumbles before hoisting you higher on the couch so he can position his cock at your entrance. You gasp at the feeling of his member sliding between your folds, getting covered in your waiting slick.

“Nobody. Only you, Big Bear.” Before you can say anything else Clyde has speared into you in one swift motion and taken up an unforgiving pace. There was the aggression he’d been worried about and boy was it rough. You cling to him for dear life as he fucks you into the couch cushions. Your eyes roll to the back of your head and your jaw goes slack.

It hurts – he’s much too big to be going this hard this fast – but his grip on you is so tight it melts your aching muscles. The desperation of his thrusts make you hiccup through your inhales and you feel surrounded. Crushed. Filled. All in the best way possible. You love the darling Clyde who coaxes your orgasms with caresses and honeyed words and languid strokes. But this Clyde – this is your Big Bear. His eyes drink in your bouncing breasts as he’s not able to clutch them with the way he has to support his own weight with his good arm. Your back arches deeper from the effects of a particularly deep thrust, bringing your chest up to press against his and he groans.

“This body. No wonder people’re comin’ on to ya, darlin’. This body’s too perfect,” he practically growls, burying his face into your throat. “Maybe I should just keep ya here on my cock. Stay inside ya. Keep me warm and keep ya outta trouble.”

You moan loudly as his dirty words are accentuated by a change in angle that lets him pound into a particularly sweet spot. Your walls pulse around him.

“Oh god. Oh Clyde.”

“Back to callin’ me Clyde already? Am I not bein’ rough enough for ya?” Clyde asks, biting down into the sensitive flesh of your throat. You cry out, hips gyrating against him, legs and walls clamping down around him with an unconscious need to keep him buried deep inside you.

“F-fuck, oh fuck me, Big Bear. I can take it!” you practically whine.

“Yes ya can. So good, takin’ yer Big Bear.” His trusts begin to bottom out harsher, faster. The pressure and the speed have pulled your muscles as taut as they can go and you know you’re seconds from snapping. It was all so sudden. You’re both so worked up, not only from the experience out in the bar, but from the headiness of being this way with one another for the first time. He may be the one pounding into you, but you’re giving as good as you’re getting, rolling your hips up to meet each thrust. Pulling him down into you and raking your fingernails up and down his back.

It’s desperate and needy and possessive – equally so. He is yours and you are his and ownership never tasted so sweet.

Just as you’re about the cum, Clyde seems to sense it and shoves your legs up by the back of the knee, ensuring his next few thrusts rub up against the spot inside you that makes your eyes cross and makes your moans turn into desperate whimpers. You have the vague thought that this proves how well Clyde has come to know your body, what a great student he is of your orgasm, just as said orgasm crashes over you.

You know for sure that the Duck Tape customers heard you. Your belief in your audience becomes even stronger when Clyde lets out a delicious moan as he cums, too, painting your insides with spend made just for you. You’re sweaty and it’s only 7 pm on a Tuesday. Clyde’s going to have to go back to tending bar and you’re going to have to slink out, so clearly ravaged and thoroughly fucked to the likely amusement of a roomful of people who’d been rooting for your coupling. You chuckle to yourself, as Clyde drops the weight of his whole body on you, crushing you. Those people outside definitely got a chance just now to hear your coupling firsthand.

“That…was amazing.” It comes out breathless, as though you’ve just run a marathon. And because you have the mass of a large man pressing you into the couch. When Clyde finally lifts his head from its resting place at your neck he looks sheepish and embarrassed and pleased and winded.

“’M sorry if I was too much for ya, darlin’. Once ya started touchin’ me I couldn’t think straight.”

You silence him with a kiss, grabbing his face to make it deep. When you pull away your smile is ear to ear.

“If you make me feel like that, baby, there’s absolutely nothing to apologize for.”

Clyde moves to pull out of you, his cum now seeping out around his softening cock, but you tighten your legs around him suddenly.

“What happened to staying inside me, mister?” you tease.

Clyde stands abruptly, pulling you up with him still seated in your dripping cunt. Your gasp and scramble to hold onto him. He takes a few playful steps towards the door and you swat at him.

“No, I think yer right, darlin’. What better way tuh make cocktails than with my lil cockwarmer?”

~*~

Tagging some lovely friends (please let me know if you would like to be tagged or untagged in the future!): @noocturnalchild @thedivinemissn @insufferablelust @historyandfandoms50 @lostinthedrive @thewilddingleberries @edencherries @mariesackler @safarigirlsp @direnightshade @sacklerscumrag @paper-n-ashes @clydesfavoritegirl @wayward-rose @hopeamarsu @thegreenmatt @barbers-glimmerin-darlin @finn-ray-nal-beads @fizzywoohoo @maybe-your-left @aliveandlonely @han-not-solo @morby @emeraldsiren20 @maryforyou @aloneandsleepless @jynzandtonic @renmaulxo @millenialcatlady @leather-flannel-liquor @soggywhore

[meltwonu]

| caffeine |     [chapter 10]     FINAL 

pairing; fratboy!wonwoo x female!reader

this chapter’s notes; daddy!kink, brat!reader, intoxication, restraints, blindfolds, multiple orgasms, soft!wonwoo to finish it all out baby 🤠 y’all!!! the final chapter of Caffeine I'm so sad 😭💕 but thank you to everyone who gave our favorite fratboy!wonwoo so so so much love~ I'm sad to see him go but he will be back soon 👁 that’s for sure! 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

The way Wonwoo meets your eyes from across the crowded frat house has you on edge every single time.

He makes no effort to actually approach you throughout the span of the night; giving his attention to various people who wish him safe travels and ask about his plans for the next three months. And while he chats them up and laughs at their jokes, his eyes always find you; twinkling with mischief when he sees the momentary panic that floods your senses when he sees you staring right back.

You choke on your drink for a second while Mingyu pats your back, an eyebrow quirked at your odd behaviour.

“Are you okay? Have you already had too much to drink?” He inquires. Jihoon stands next to him; a smirk plastered on his features when he side glances over to you.

“I think she’s just a ‘lil too preoccupied looking at her loverboy, is all.” Mingyu rolls his eyes, taking a sip of his cup before he leans in to meet your height.

“You gonna miss him?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” You retort, a crimson blush coating your cheeks as you avert your eyes from Mingyu to watch Wonwoo chatting up some sorority girl. “I mean it’s a valid question, is it not? The two of you are ‘involved’.” Mingyu draws air quotes around the word, drink sloshing in his cup as Jihoon grimaces.

“You’re making a mess, you big oaf.”

You sigh, watching with curious eyes when Wonwoo leans in close to the girl, whispering in her ear. She laughs at whatever he says and the only feeling you can describe as ‘jealousy’ flits through your mind and you quickly try to push it out. Exclusivity was not something the two of you agreed on, although you definitely felt at least a little attached to the tall bespectacled man.

“I’m gonna get more booze, I’ll be back.”

You mutter, leaving Jihoon and Mingyu to their conversation while you get more alcohol from the kitchen. Chan greets you, offering to make you a drink. “How’s your night going?” You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to push the image of Wonwoo and the girl out of your head.

“It’s, like, whatever.”

Chan makes you a few more drinks over the span of forty-five minutes; his smile faltering and turning into a worried grimace every time you stumble back into the kitchen.

“I think you’ve… maybe had enough.” He comments, taking your cup from you before filling it with water instead.

“No~ Channie, jus’ one m-more puh--please~” You hiccup. You shoot him your best puppy eyes, his concerned face only a blur with how foggy your vision was quickly getting. Sighing, he pours out the water, reaching for the alcohol on the table.

“I… just---just one more, okay? And then you’re done for the night. Wonwoo-hyung might--”

“Ugh, fuck that guy, he’s not my owner! I can drink if I want!” You pout.

Chan winces, making you a drink that was more mixer than actual alcohol before he passes you the cup. You grin, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek before you thank him, skipping out of the kitchen before rejoining Mingyu and Jihoon.

“I’m back, babies~ What’d I miss?” You slur out, leaning into Mingyu as you wrap a free arm around his waist. The tall male raises an eyebrow at you, gently wrapping an arm around your shoulder protectively.

“I’m surprised Chan is still making you drinks. You’re clearly plastered already. And Wonwoo-hyung--”

“So? Why’re you so concerned?” You cut off, taking a big gulp of your sweet drink.

“Um, I’m not the only concerned one if we’re being real.” You can only roll your eyes at Mingyu’s comment.

If Wonwoo still had his eyes locked on you, you didn’t know or care. There was a part of you that was ashamed that jealousy had taken over you over something so miniscule; especially since the two of you weren’t dating. You also tried to remind yourself that Wonwoo probably wouldn’t care how you acted so you shouldn’t have cared how he did either.

You tilt your head up to look at Mingyu; his curious gaze meeting your hazy eyes.

“Hey, Mingyu? Can you kiss me?”

“Um, what the fuck?”

“Just one~ Please? Wanna kiss~” You pout, stepping up on your tippy-toes as you pucker your lips up at him.

“Okay, you’re--you’re going on a time out!” He whispers harshly, handing Jihoon his cup before he pries yours out of your hand. Jihoon juggles all three cups before Mingyu wraps his hand around your wrist, dragging you out of the living room and up the stairs.

Everything feels like a blur to you as he pulls you down one of the hallways n haste, the light and noise from the party downstairs diminishing as he reaches the end of the hallway. Mingyu fishes for a key in his pocket when he reaches the last door, unlocking it before he gently pushes you in.

“Wonwoo-hyung said to leave you in here if you started misbehaving. I didn’t think I’d have to but I think you’ve had enough booze. Cool down for a bit and then one of us will come check in on you later.”

Mingyu leaves without another word, shutting and locking the door behind him as you’re left alone in the bedroom. You flip the lights on and the room looks unfamiliar to you but clean; bookshelves lining the wall with a bed right next to the window. You groan as you flop down onto the bed, a familiar scent flooding your senses before the sleepiness takes over.

The door opening is what wakes you from your little nap, bleary eyes adjusting to the light and the form that enters the bedroom. You don’t know how much time has really passed or if the party is even over, but you still feel the affects of the alcohol in your system.

“Sweetheart, how are you feeling?”

Wonwoo’s deep voice is comforting but you remember why you started acting out in the first place, flipping over to face the window as you pout.

“Why do you care? Go back to your party.” You murmur.

Wonwoo sighs and you feel the bed dip, his warmth slowly blanketing you as he eases his body behind you.

“The party is basically over. Why’d you ask Mingyu to kiss you, is what I want to know.”

A blush coats your cheeks as you refuse to look at him, blurry vision still focused on the window in front of you. “Why not? I was feelin’ needy and he was there.”

“So you asked Mingyu and not me?” He places his hand on your waist, slowly dragging your shirt up. “Wanna tell me why you’re acting like a needy ‘lil brat?”

“No.” Wonwoo scoffs; his hands ghosting across your abdomen.

“Do you want daddy to punish you instead?”

“Yes.”

His hand is on the button of your jeans a second later, undoing it before his lips kiss the shell of your ear. “Y’know, I fully intended on bringing you to my bedroom tonight. Unfortunate how you ended up here though, don’tcha think? I told the others to keep an eye out on you too. Make sure you didn’t misbehave.” His tongue peeks out, licking at your skin before he smirks.

“Somehow I knew you would misbehave though. Seems to be in your nature to.”

Wonwoo’s hand dips into your jeans, his touch gentle as he runs his digits over your panties. “Let me take a wild guess though. Didn’t like it when daddy was talkin’ to other girls, hm?” There’s a teasing edge to Wonwoo’s voice that makes you want to curl up into an embarrassed ball. “S-shut up…”

“Sweetheart, we need to talk about it.”

His voice is stern as you pout again. “Don’t wanna talk about it~” You whine, rubbing your thighs together as he continues his featherlight touches. “Princess, don’t make daddy mad.” Biting the inside of your cheek, you slightly tilt your head to the side as Wonwoo comes into view.

“I--I… w-want daddy to spoil me… ‘n only me… ‘m sorry…” You whisper, eyes welling up with tears. This was not necessarily how you intended your first and potentially last night in Wonwoo’s bed but there was no denying how you felt. You couldn’t directly say you liked him, but there was definitely something budding inside of you that was hard to stop.

Wonwoo sighs, pulling his hand out of your jeans before he gets up from the bed. “Princess…” You sit up as well, watching as he stands directly in front of you.

“I know we didn’t really talk about… um, us and I know it’s not really... what we agreed on but I--” “No, I understand how you feel, sweetheart.”

Your heart pounds hard in your chest and for a second you forget how to breathe.

“I think there’s a lot we need to discuss and I’m about to be gone for three months. I can’t promise you anything and I can’t promise you this’ll end in a relationship because like I said, I’m not one for relationships. But I also can’t deny I’m a little attached to you, too. We can figure it out when I get back… If you’re willing to wait for me.”

You can’t read the emotions on Wonwoo’s face but you nod slowly, shy eyes meeting his firm stare. “I’m… willing to wait and see what happens.” He nods at you before he starts to remove his button up shirt, slowly revealing his toned body.

“For now, you still need to be punished for how you acted tonight, sweetheart.”

You hate it, you really really hate it.

You tug on the neckties keeping your arms tied above you and the darkness from the blindfold keeps you from seeing Wonwoo between your legs. “D-daddy, please, let me c-cum…!” You mewl; thighs clamping around Wonwoo’s head when he curls his fingers inside your pussy.

“No, you’re supposed to be punished. You’re not allowed to cum.” His voice is muffled just as he sucks your clit into his mouth, a sharp cry cutting through the air as your back bows off the bed.

“Buh--but it’s not fair! I--I didn’t d-do anything wrong!” You complain, whimpering as you try to keep yourself from cumming for the second time already. Wonwoo chuckles against your skin; the vibrations causing you to shiver. His tongue flicks at your clit before he slightly pulls away, watching as your lips form into a pout.

“So you think asking Mingyu for a kiss isn’t misbehaving? And let’s not pretend Chan didn’t tell me you kissed him on the cheek too.” Oops.

“I---I was jus’ bein’ nice…” You mutter. Wonwoo sits up, thumb on your clit as his free hand pushes your legs open wider. He scoffs, fingers thrusting into you quicker as he rubs harsh circles on your clit. “Yeah? Well, daddy doesn’t appreciate you playing nice like that without his permission.” His voice is clipped, fingers scissoring and curling into your g-spot until you cry out his name, walls spasming around his fingers even when his pace doesn’t falter.

“Wo--daddy! A-ah, ‘m sen--sensitive~” You mewl, tugging on your restraints when his thumb doesn’t let up rubbing circles on your swollen clit. “Daddy doesn’t care if your ‘lil pussy is sensitive, you came without permission.” You clench around his fingers still fucking into you, small whines on your lips when you feel him inch closer.

Wonwoo’s fingers stop momentarily as you feel the head of his cock prodding at your entrance. You feel the arousal flood your senses when he slowly starts to sink his cock into you; fingers still inside your pussy and thumb still on your clit. The stretch has you whining, back arching off the bed while he slowly inches himself in.

“O-oh, fuh--fuck, oh god, d-daddy!” You keen, orgasm hitting you out of nowhere as he chuckles breathily. “Fuck, you’re so sensitive… cumming just from me sinking my cock into you, huh?”

“Mmh, f--fuck, ‘m so fu--full, hah, it feels suh--so good!” You slur out, wiggling your hips slightly.

Wonwoo starts a slow pace at first, letting you get used to the feeling of his cock and his fingers keeping your pussy full. You feel even tighter around him, soft groans spilling from his own lips as he watches his cock thrusting in and out of you.

“Fuck, I’m really gonna miss you for three months, princess.”

You feel your heart do a flip as you clench around him on impulse. “G-gonna miss you too, daddy…” You whisper, lips forming into a frown. “C-can you take the blindfold off… I wanna see y-you…” Wonwoo hums, cock tapping your cervix as he leans over, undoing the blindfold with one hand until it slips off to the side.

Your blurry eyes adjust to the light, seeing a bespectacled Wonwoo between your legs.

“You already came without permission, so you best behave, okay? Daddy’s feeling kind tonight.” You nod, watching as he resumes his pace. He takes it slow with you, building up the pleasure for you and himself.

“Fuck, you feel so good, princess.” He groans, eyes fluttering shut as he alternates from circling his hips and slow yet harsh thrusts. The sounds of your moans bounce off the walls of his bedroom and you think about how you could get used to this. 

You focus all your attention on Wonwoo, watching the way his lips part in quiet moans and the way the sweat drips down his torso. And he does the same for you; watching your chest rise and fall with deep stuttering breaths and your eyes lost in pleasure when he makes your toes curl. 

“C-can you ma--make me cum a-again?” You beg, already feeling the pleasure building up with how sensitive and full of him you were. Wonwoo chuckles lightly, watching the lust swimming in your eyes when he leans over, kissing you gently. 

“Already? Aren’t you greedy~” He quips, lips ghosting against yours before he pulls away. “I want you to cum with me.” You nod; his thumb rubbing quick circles on your clit as he suddenly doubles his place. 

The fullness of his cock and fingers combined have you crying out, teeth chattering when you warn him that you’re about to cum. 

Your legs shake when you finally reach your high; Wonwoo’s groans the only thing you can hear when he cums with you, hips stuttering as he cums inside of your tight walls. 

He slows down his pace until he feels you start to come down, removing his fingers but keeping his cock snug inside of your pussy. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” 

“Mmm...” Your entire body feels like there’s electricity coursing through your veins despite how boneless you actually feel. “Ngh... ‘m sleepy but... I should get cleaned up and get going...” He snickers, slowly pulling out of your swollen pussy as you wince from the sensitivity. 

“You don’t have to go. I’ll get you cleaned up and you can sleep here.” He offers. It wakes you up a bit more, a soft pink coating your cheeks at his words. 

“O-oh... are you sure? I don’t mind, um, g-going...” 

Wonwoo slips off the bed, picking up his boxer briefs before he slides them back on. You watch him slowly get somewhat dressed, forgoing a shirt as he tugs on his pants. 

“It’s okay. Like I said, princess. I’m a little attached to you too. You can spend the night here and... If you want, you’re more than welcome to stay with me until I have to leave.” You gulp, sitting up on your elbows as your shy eyes meet his. You suddenly feel extremely naked under his stare and your heart beats in your chest so hard you can feel it in your head. 

“Wonwoo... are you sure? That’s...” You trail off, unsure of what to say next. He picks up his button up from the floor and walks back to the bed, sitting on the edge of it next to you. Wonwoo sets the shirt next to you in offering; bringing a hand down to smooth your mussed hair.

“I’ll get you some water and a warm towel. We don’t have to talk about what’s going on with us yet. I think we both know where we stand right now and I don’t want to make promises before I need to leave. But we can spend what time left we have before I leave, together. If that’s what you want.” 

You sit up a bit more, tugging the shirt closer to yourself before you lean in, kissing him gently. “Okay.” He smiles into the kiss, pecking you on the lips once more before he gets up again. 

“Okay, I’ll be right back. I know the idiots downstairs are gonna ask questions so it might take longer than I anticipate. Don’t fall asleep, okay?”

“Yes, daddy~” 

[johannstutt413]

(requested by mathmaticalknight; continuing a series)

“Ya know, I dunno why I thought she mighta been jokin’ ‘bout the tuxes.” Croissant was blushing brightly as she was getting her measurements taken.

Mostima shrugged. “I don’t ever plan on getting married, but one of us was bound to tie the knot sooner or later, and Texas needs to find an officiant who will sign two certificates for her discreetly before it’s even an option for her. Where are your hanger-ons, by the way?”

“With Angelina, doing the same thing we are.” The Lupo had a Pocky stick in her mouth like a cigar, taking it all in. “I wouldn’t marry Sora, though. Exu maybe, but not Sora. She’s a good girl, but the whole ‘idol worship’ is a bit much.”

“She’d really want you to praise her that much?” The Sarkaz smirked.

Texas rolled her eyes. “Funny.”

“If any’n’s worshippin’ any’n, it ain’t Tex.” The Forte chuckled, but had to stop when the tape measure came ‘round again. “Hey, how tight this need ta be? Least gimme a lil’ room ta breathe ‘ere.”

“Don’t question my judgment, ‘less you wan’a punishment. I been wearin’ this look a lot longer than you.” Emperor bit back, making the last few notes he needed.

The three shared a glance. “You wear T-shirts over your feathers, though,” Mostima observed.

“Well, yeah, cuz’ I like the style,” he replied, “but if ya ever see me rockin’ my birthday suit, you’d know I’m just as fuckin’ classy. Got killer shoes to boot.”

“What, yer feet?” Croissant glanced down at the penguin’s openly-visible legs.

He nodded. “Damn straight. The boys will have your suit to ya within a couple days; when’s the big shindig, anyways?”

“Uh...I dunno.” The Forte shrugged. “We’re gonna sign the papers a week from now, but we don’t have money for a ceremony.”

“Well, then, imma have to do it myself.” Emperor opened his notes again and walked away, pen scribbling faster than before.

Texas shook her head. “That’s how you know you’re the Boss’s favorite, Cross.”

“Aw, shucks, I didn’ wan’im to pay fer it.” She sighed. “I’m gonna be payin’im back ferever at this rate.”

“Could be worse - if he died before forever came along, the debt would probably go right back to the company.” And with that, the Sankta left, the other two not too far behind, to meet Bison in the lobby.

Meanwhile, Magallan was moving at a more leisurely pace, listening to Angie recount the proposal story. “That sounds exactly like I imagined. Empy’s was a lot more ostentatious, but I had no idea what was coming, either. WIth him, he could’ve been holding an impromptu concert.”

“That’s the Emperor, alright.” Exusiai sighed. “I can’t imagine what it’d be like to go through something like this. Can you, Sora?”

“Hmm?” The ‘Lupo’ had been doing just that, actually.

Angelina smiled. “Oh, I think she can. I’ve had that look on my face for the past week now...It’s too bad we can’t afford to have a ceremony, though.”

“You can’t?” The Liberi measuring her stopped. “Oh, dear, why didn’t you tell me? I’m sure Empy and I can help you with that; consider it our wedding gift to you both.”

“You’d really do that? But they’re so expensive...” Her fiance’s sense for money was rubbing off on her.

Magallan chirped merrily. “Oh, it’s no big deal; we’re making so much, it’s a drop in the bucket. How does three weeks from today sound?”

“Oh, Magallan, I can’t just blindly agree without talking to my Croissantwich first...buuut that’ll probably be okay.” The Vulpo was about to explode from happiness; luckily, they were done with measurements at this point (because of Liberi efficiency), so she was free to detonate with glee as she burst out of the dressing room. “Croissaaaaaant!”

“Angie?!” The Forte heard her and turned around in time to be slammed by a full-speed makeout machine which managed through sheer enthusiasm to knock her to the floor.

Texas nodded as the other two followed out. “Ceremony?”

“Ceremony,” Exusiai confirmed. “Emp and Maggie paying for the whole thing?”

“That’s what he said...Wonder if he’ll pay for ours.”

Two Penguin Logistics members turned bright red as Bison and Mostima had an intense but muted conversation off to the side...Yep, just another day in Penguin Logistics.

-----------

“Wow. They really did pull out all the stops, didn’t they?” The Doctor and Amiya took back their IDs from the door guard as they walked into the auditorium that’d been taken over. “It’ll be hard to match for ours.”

“Doctor darling, we probably shouldn’t compete with the Emperor like that. He doesn’t like to back down from a fight.” Besides, why would she need a grand ceremony? Just her and the Doctor at the altar, Kal’tsit as the Maid of Honor, Savage and Blaze as bridesmaids-

There was a tap on her shoulder as her date gestured to the seating. “I wonder if they expect to fill the place tonight.”

“Everyone’s sitting so close to the front, it’s hard to tell.” The Cautus shrugged. “Let’s sit back here. It’s a bit crowded there...So many emotions at once might overload me.”

“As you wish~ Oh, they’re about to start, I think. One question: why is Texas on the other side and wearing a suit? And why isn’t Emperor, even though Lappland is in one?”

Amiya shrugged. “Hard to say, Doctor. How did Lappland get to be a groomsman when Bison is- Oh! He’s the officiant.”

“When did he get that certifi-” He stopped as soon as Bison began to read.

“Friends, colleagues, and esteemed leaders of Rhodes Island,” the Forte began. “While I stand before you today acting in a merely ceremonial capacity in this celebration, I cannot begin to tell you how exciting a day this is not just for us at Penguin Logistics, but for Rhodes Island as a whole. Never have I seen a pair more in love than the two who come here today to declare their union in holy matrimony. Will the groom please come forward?”

From a door off to their right, there was a bit of a ruckus, followed by Croissant stepping through with a sheepish smile on her face as Emperor walked her to the altar before taking a front-row seat. Evidently, she’d knocked over a coat rack or something as she’d approached the door, but that wasn’t what grabbed people’s attention.

The Doctor squeezed Amiya’s hand. “Our Croissant is a rather handsome woman, isn’t she?”

“Oh, hush, dear.” She lightly slapped his hand, which was resting atop hers on the chair arm between them. “I think she looks lovely.”

“That’s what I meant, darling, just in a masculine sense. The style matches her perfectly, and the tailoring is also impeccable, honestly.”

She gave him a look. “Have you been studying this sort of thing?”

“It’s important to have a broad knowledge base.” He smiled as the Forte stepped up to the altar, clearly noticed she’d missed her mark, and shuffled a little to get into place. “Oh, Cross...”

“Uh...thank y’all for comin’. Wudn’t sure how many people’d wanna come when we’d already tied the knot on our own, but uh...It means a lot ta both of us, I know. Uh...” She probably had more, but she choked up with tears in her eyes in the face of Rhodes Island’s full support on display. “Th-thank y’all so much...”

As Texas patted her on the shoulder, Bison continued. “Is the bride ready?”

“As ready as she’ll ever be,” Mostima muttered as the opposite door opened to reveal a procession: Greyy with a pair of rings displayed on a pillow walking with Gummy, who was sprinkling the floor behind them with flowers. Behind them, Magallan was arm-in-arm with Angelina, who was wearing a suit of her own.

“Oh my God,” Amiya gasped in wonder. “Doctor-”

He nodded, squeezing her hand. “I see her, too, dear.”

“Hot damn,” Emperor audibly muttered, catching the attendees off-guard and eliciting more than a few laughs.

“Thank you, Emperor.” Angie smiled at him before turning to the crowd as Maggie took a seat. “My parents aren’t here, and I doubt they’d have agreed to attend if I’d told them, but Penguin Logistics is more like my family than anyone. The other day, I finally married into it, and...I just wanna say, to everyone from Rhodes Island who was able to make it, and the folks who had work to do, I appreciate everything you’ve all done for Cross and me since I got here. Even if this probably isn’t what any of you saw coming...Bison?”

He smiled. “Greyy, if you would?” The Perro held out the pillow for the couple to each take a ring. “Excellent. Now, as I wasn’t able to be fully ordained in time for this ceremony, I can’t lead the two in a recital of their vows, but they asked to be able to each say something here today. Angelina, if you will?”

“I think my wifesband should go first,” she teased, grinning at the blush that turn of phrase created.

“Well, ya only get ta do this right once, huh...” The Forte wiped at her eye. “Hoo boy. I was there the night Angie realized her feelin’s fer me, but I’ll a’mit, e’er since the firs’ day I saw ‘er, I ‘ad a pretty good ide-er just ‘ow wun’erful she is. Ain’t a lotta girls in’a world that got both a good ‘ead on ‘er shoulders and a warm ‘eart like she got, but ‘at ain’t e’ry’in ta love ‘bout ‘er either. Not sure if she ‘members this, but first time we met was back when she aksidelly went’n PL lookin’ fer the Doctor. Nothin’ like ‘avin’ some’n so gorjus tell ya ‘Sorry, was lookin’ fer some’n else,’ ya know?”

A bit of laughter from the crowd before she continued. “I reckon I ‘ad the last laugh there, tho’, cuz’ guess ‘oo gets to call ‘erself Mrs. Ajimu now...Angelface, we were friends long ‘fore I thought we ‘ad a chance at bein’ lovers, so you know when I say I’ve seen ya at yer best and yer worst, I ain’t tryin’a diss ya. There ain’t a nuther person in ‘is room as lucky as me t’day, ‘cuz the love of my life loves meh back...Ya prolly shud stop meh, else I’ll just keep ram’lin’.”

“That’s alright; even if these folks have other places to be, I’d listen to every word. You know, darling, if it was a nightmare that inspired you to propose to me when you did, I have to wonder what happens when you have a good dream, but I think I’ve been living in one since the day we had our first date. Between movie nights with the company and waking up to your smile in the mornings, it’s like living in one of the cheesy teen novels I loved reading after floating up to one of my usual spots. Loving you is a flashback and a memory and a dream and a reality all rolled up in knowing that, whatever happens - arguments, deployments that separate us, maybe even one of us getting hurt - there’s nothing in the world that’ll stop me from needing you, wanting you, standing by your side...Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me...” Having said her piece, tears in her eyes, Angie reached out and slid her ring on Cross’s finger, who did the same in turn.

“I think I’m gonna cry,” the Doctor whispered to his date, who already was. “G-good call on the back sea--” And there went the water works.

Across most of the auditorium, actually, save for those physically incapable, and Bison, who soldiered on regardless. “That said, before we get to the festivities provided by Emperor and Magallan for the evening, it’s my duty to ask: if anyone here has any objection to this union - not that it will matter from a legal standpoint - speak now or forever hold your peace...Good, because I’d punch you myself if you did. Then, by the power invested in me by Rhodes Island and subsidiary company Penguin Logistics-”

“When did that happen?” Amiya asked in a hushed voice. “I thought we were just partners with them?”

“Closure and Emperor came to some kind of understanding. I wasn’t there for the process, I just signed the agreement.”

“-I now announce you to the world as Mrs. and Mrs. Ajimu. You may now kiss your bride.”

You didn’t have to ask them twice.

The celebration afterwards was wild as hell. Emperor had an impromptu concert (as expected); Bison proposed to Mostima, who actually agreed before falling apart in a spectacular show of emotion Exusiai had thought was impossible for her; the Doctor and Amiya tore up the dance competition that broke out, but narrowly lost to Croissantwich and Angelface in the karaoke contest afterwards; Lappland admitted that she wasn’t actually in love with Texas but trying to rile her up into a duel so she could get to Exusiai the entire time, which actually got the Texas family’s most composed to go full Mafia Samurai on her ass as the Sankta and the idol looked on in a mix of horror and “omg I knew it;” and through it all, drink was had, and merry was made.

Terra was a difficult place to live in. Poverty, inequality, terror, bloodshed, fear, hatred, jealousy - they’re no less potent or prominent on its surface than any other world’s, a product of the inevitable confluence of humanity’s imperfections magnified across a barely-numerable and broadly-scattered population. With all that said, though, there was much to live for, and as Angelina and Croissant made it home and threw themselves out of their clothes for the ‘real’ celebration of the evening, none of that mattered. Tomorrow would come, or it wouldn’t, but that night was theirs in a way no other would be...

[dredshirtroberts]

Hooooo boy we are feelin some EMOTIONS today, folks.

this is not a happy post, if you’d like to skip I entirely understand, and in fact encourage doing so.

I’ve been needing to do a one of these for a lil bit because I’ve got Thoughts and Feelings and they are complicated and I can’t accurately parse them in my head so we’re gonna air it out on Tumblr like a sheet on the line during laundry day.

here’s the thing.

I got some complicated family feelings in my chest places and it fucking *sucks*.

I was kept from spending time with my family by various means over the past several years to the point where I wasn’t attending holidays - which, in my family, is just not done. You can skip a holiday but you have to make it up on another occasion and I...wasn’t doing that anymore. Two separate people had me convinced I was not loved by my family, that they did not care for or appreciate me like *they* could and that I was better off not being around my family.

And maybe they had some valid points. Which I hate admitting because they used a lot of “valid points” to get me to be completely isolated in life without anyone but them and any time I branched out I was, for lack of a better term, “punished” for having denied them my attention or time or whatever. (this is of course not as nuanced a take on it as I would prefer but this is already going to be long without me going through the whole...everything, again. You can search the captain rambles and life post tags on my blog for more on this topic).

Anyway...so I’m no longer with people who are actively trying to keep me from talking to other people/being around people who are supportive of my own efforts and goals, etc. And I was welcomed back into my family with open arms and that was...honestly unexpected. After everything I’d had told to me about how they were and how they should be and what I should feel about them...I wasn’t expecting them to love me.

I rode that rose-colored wave for a *while*. But as the world descends into chaos and I learn more things about myself that make me feel more like *me* than I have...possibly ever now that I try and think about it, I am seeing things that I had hoped had been exaggerated or made up by those in my life who had hurt me.

My parents raised me in a very right-wing conservative household. The evangelical style of christianity didn’t come until I was already an adult but the building blocks must have been there or it wouldn’t have happened so...extremely when it finally did. There were a lot of...really shitty attitudes towards other people that I didn’t recognize growing up in it - I didn’t recognize it until a lot later, in fact.

They’re...They don’t see anything wrong with the way they are. Which, you know, *sucks*. 

There’s going to be a lot of dismissive phrases littered throughout this because I’m trying to be...i don’t know. I do it as a thing to lighten the mental load on myself - dismissiveness and joking around, exaggerating for effect, etc. - which i know might come off weird but like...this is really fucking bothering me guys and I...I’m doing my best.

Cause here’s the thing. I was raised believing the world was one way and that we were *right* about things. We had the answers and anyone (liberals) who didn’t agree with us were wrong and would either see the light and come to our side or were too stupid to know how wrong they were so we wouldn’t have associated with them anyway. (reasons why i’m currently frustrated with the political opposition to Republicans/Conservatives/The Right #1 actually)

And then I grew up and I saw the world was not that way. And I expected that my family would be able to see the world with the insight I had gained, and..they just...don’t.

I’ve excused a lot of their shit beliefs recently. not like, trying to defend them to anyone or anything but I don’t confront them. Mostly because I know while they won’t say it to my face, I know how they think about people who think like me (because I was there for those conversations, I was there and I thought like them and now i don’t and that makes me one of those idiots they talked about, a stupid person who can’t see the truth they believe so fully that they think is backed up by facts and figures but their facts and figures are *flawed* - mine aren’t better but I can acknowledge that and extrapolating data from all the things and coming to a conclusion is what I was taught to do but now that I do it for the wrong side what must they think of me? What must they say behind my back?)

I have...a lot of kinda fucked up shit about my family. Nothing overt, nothing that immediately screams to me “Hey fuck-o, this shit isn’t a universal experience and something is wrong here!” but it’ll be small things that I’m like “Ah, okay. Not everyone had this experience and those that did are currently working through the *trauma* of it by going to *therapy*. Hm.”

I’ve done some work in that respect and that’s good. Doesn’t make my issues go away but makes it so I can handle them a little better. Most of the time anyway.

I’m trying to make several things that are true but contradictory work together in my brain and it’s not going well.

1) my family cares about me and wants me to do well.

2) my family has hurt me in the past and is currently hurting me (though not intentionally and not maliciously - please dear god let it be unintentional and non-malicious). 

3) My family does not “agree” with LGBTetc people.

4) My family do not believe that there are systemic issues inherent in the government we live in/under and the society we must participate in (Because it benefits them, and they have not had to challenge their thoughts on this before).

5) My family are kind of racist.

6) My family was my only support system when I was leaving an abusive situation.

7) ...My family might have abused me a little.

I go back and forth on point seven a *lot*. See point 2 about the intentionality/maliciousness factors. If they didn’t mean to do it, does it still count? 

Does it matter if it still hurts?

My sister outright told me that she doesn’t agree with trans people (meaning she doesn’t believe you can be trans, really). But I’m okay because it’s me, and now I can be her gay best friend when we’re drinking at family stuff.

She didn’t understand why I was hurt by that. I attempted to explain it and she got defensive and angry so I just...didn’t fight about it. Just played the part. I’m her brother when it benefits her but otherwise I’m still her sister. I’m still mom and dad’s daughter. Even though I told them I’m not a girl. I told them I’m a guy.

Dad’s response was the most favorable initially and I think...he might eventually come around to it (he’s always wanted a son. he has a boy dog and has also imprinted really hard on his lawn roomba about it). He also might...not.

I’d like to transition further. Eventually. If it’s feasible. But also, right now it’s not. Right now it’s me cutting my hair short and not wearing dresses or skirts (even though they’re super comfy) because I want to avoid being misgendered as often as possible. It’s binding for uncomfortable and unsafe lengths of time because I am a MAN dammit, and I will be a man at this family function in whatever way I can. And when I go to the length that I do to be seen the way I want to be seen and I am *ignored*....

fuckin’ hurts you guys. I just fuckin’ hurts. 

And I want to correct them. I want to stand up and say STOP YOU’RE HURTING ME. PLEASE. I AM NOT A GIRL. I HAVEN’T BEEN THIS WHOLE TIME I JUST DIDN’T KNOW WHY I DIDN’T FEEL RIGHT AS A GIRL. PLEASE JUST CALL ME A BOY, USE MY PRONOUNS, USE A NEW NAME OR AT LEAST THE NICKNAME THAT ISN’T MY FULL NAME. 

but i don’t.

because I’m scared of losing them again.

And it’s fucked up because they’re *already* lost. They’re Fox-watchers and Trump-supporters and they don’t want to listen to science or facts or *anything* outside of what’s presented to them by pundits and talk show hosts, and the fucking EIB network with their political propaganda for anything that isn’t what the liberals want.

And I don’t know that I can get them back because they’re *real* far down that particular rabbit hole. And I’m...I’m just trying to figure out what I want in life. What makes me happy. And part of what I want is what I always wanted and never had.

I want my mom and dad to look at me, see me, see what I do see how I try and what I love and care about and tell me that I’m enough. That they love me because this is who I am and I am enough for them. Even if I wasn’t accomplished and didn’t try they would still love me because I’m *me*. and I’m their *child* and they *love me*.

And GOD it is so FUCKING painful to know that’s not a realistic thing to hope for. Because I’ve been trying for 28 GODDAMN years doing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I can to be enough for them. I played good, christian, conservative little girl for SO goddamn long, even when I wasn’t Christian or conservative anymore, even when I saw the cracks, I wanted to be what they wanted.

And even now that I *am* what my dad wanted (a son) I’m not enough because to him i’m still a girl, to my mom I’m the failed daughter the one she didn’t do enough for so now it’s about how she fucked up and not about NO. This is ME. Stop. Stop LOOKING at me like that WHEN YOU DON’T SEE ME. YOU SEE SOME IDEALIZED VERSION OF ME WHO WAS NEVER GOING TO EXIST BECAUSE SHE WASN’T ENOUGH EITHER.

...

This is a lot more than I thought it would be, pain wise tonight, guys. My bad. 

I’m still struggling with my eating habits, I’m still struggling with my self-worth, and finding what makes me feel fulfilled. I’m getting better at some of it though.

I’ve smiled and laughed more in the past week or so than I have since I came out to my family. I wouldn’t have done that without my very very good friends who are very very kind to me and god I wish I could do more than draw stupid pictures and write stupid stories for them but it makes them happy too? so i’ll just do what I can and maybe it’ll be alright. 

Gonna try not to fall too deep down the abandonment issues pit tonight folks. I’m already upset enough. 

Good talk.

[arigatouiris]

revenge is a fool’s game // arthur morgan — [02]

pairing: arthur morgan x female!reader

word count: 2023

warnings: strong violence, emotional distress, mentions of torture, explicit sexual references, a whole lotta angst, cowboy stuff;

notes: I might actually not do a taglist, since not many got back to me; but let’s see? I’ve tagged https://julliiaaq.tumblr.com for asking~

masterlist in bio~

Also, this is actually a story on my AO3, with an OC. I’ve remodelled it to fit as a reader insert here, and the story might change towards the end so... just wanted to put it out there!

Chapter Two: Vengeance

○

Arthur had no idea why Riley was brought to camp. Their camp was small, and he would have actually preferred it that way. 

He saw to it that each person had a role to play—Dutch and Hosea were the backbones, and their backbones were Annabelle and Bessie (who in all honesty, Arthur knew, would want Riley to be a part of the gang because they were nice women and Riley looked malnourished, to say the least). 

There was Susan Grimshaw, who was one of the safekeepers of the entire camp, she made sure everything stayed in place—however, Arthur felt a tad bit bad for her when he thought of her, considering how she was sweet on Dutch but Dutch had Annabelle now.

There was a butcher too, from the Navy, whose name Arthur kept forgetting. And even if his food was terrible, Arthur knew he had a role to play as well. And then at last, there was the kid, John Marston. Arthur wouldn’t admit it, but he had a soft spot for the kid. He was feisty, something Morgan appreciated in the boy, but even John looked more aggressive and intimidating than Riley did, and that was saying something. John was just fifteen years old, barely a man.

But, Riley? What role can this gawky little kid play? Arthur grunted. People like him are part of our group now, Arthur thought internally. And Mary… It stung him each time he thought of her, but there was little he could do. 

He knew he had to move on, he knew that things had changed now—after last year’s robbery, they were officially thieves, leading lives that had a difficult path ahead of them. Each and everyone in the camp had to be careful and ready for any change. Riley didn’t seem to fit that image, in Arthur’s mind.

“Somethin’ on your mind, Arthur?” John’s voice alerted him.

John Marston’s voice had recently undergone a change. Puberty hit him late, something Arthur made fun of him for, but once it had hit him, the growth spurt surely surprised everyone at camp. Especially Dutch. Dutch wanted John to take up arms, something Arthur wasn’t so sure about, but knowing Dutch, he definitely had a plan. And Dutch’s plans always work.

“What do ya think o’ that kid, Riley, eh John?” Arthur asked, looking at Mrs. Grimshaw speaking to Riley near Dutch’s camp.

“He looks funny,” John said, smirking. “Maybe he’s as old as me. Thas’ why he’s small o’ somethin’.”

“Hm,” Arthur wasn’t too sure. Something about the kid seemed off. “Maybe, maybe.”

Riley didn’t want to be a part of the group. He had other plans, and even if he was simply passing by, he knew where he had to go. Considering how he held a secret as big as his entire life, being a part of a gang where he could be easily exposed was not one of those plans. Meeting Dutch took the life out of him, almost, Dutch seemed intimidating and every glance that the gang leader gave Riley almost made him believe Dutch had figured him out.

“I’ve figured you out, Riley.” Dutch said, interrupting Susan Grimshaw, a kind lady.

Riley’s eyes almost widened, but he had to maintain his composure. He could feel everybody’s eyes on him.

“You’ve got sad eyes, boy,” Dutch said, smirking. “With a lil’ groomin’, you’re gonna be a great gunslinger. No one would expect you to hold a gun, let alone shoot from one!”

Riley wanted to scream, but there was no way he would let Dutch or anyone know he could talk. If he spoke, they would know his secret, and that was something he would avoid with everything he had. Riley shook his head, uninterested to learn, uninterested to be a part of a gang of thieves, desperate for God knows what reason, to not have him be a part of them.

“I believe he ain’t interested in bein’ a part o’ this, Dutch.” Arthur spoke up, suddenly, walking toward them. Riley’s eyes followed the twenty-five year old gruff male, before looking back at Dutch.

“Why not?” Dutch asked, folding his hands.

Riley put his hands in the air. There was very little he could do to communicate, but he would try. He reached for the notebook inside his bag, and started to scribble, surprising both Dutch and Hosea, that he could write.

I don’t want to be a part of you all. I’ll be a burden. I can use guns for my safety, but I am a lousy thief. Please, excuse me.

Hosea read the words aloud and Dutch sighed. He raised his hands in the air, before groaning.

“Well, I ain’t got time for this. Gotta meet Colm o'Driscoll for some...bank information later tonight.”

Riley’s eyes widened a second later, and time seemingly stopped for him. Quickly, Riley reached for Dutch’s sleeve, with wide eyes, shocking the rest of the gang who were ready to murder Riley if he ever so lay a finger on Dutch. A moment later, they realized, that he simply held the man’s hand.

Riley waited, Dutch stared back.

“o’Driscoll?” He repeated, wondering if this was what stopped Riley.

Riley couldn’t believe it. He knew he had heard the name somewhere, and he knew that if this were a turn of events, Riley was simply lucky. If Dutch knew Colm, then he was one step closer to where he had to be.

He once again began to scribble, before turning things around.

Please let me be a part of your group. I will sling guns and watch horses and do anything you ask. All I ask for is a favor in return.

“And what’s that, kid?” Hosea asked, now curious.

Riley’s eyes were now cold. He wrote again, albeit, slowly this time.

I want Colm o’Driscoll’s head.

○

It was a quiet afternoon at the camp. Arthur and John were listening to Dutch read Emerson again, something John found a tad bit boring, but Arthur listening. However, even as Arthur listened to Dutch, he knew the man had something else running in his mind. Something that had happened earlier that morning, which changed everything about the camp or was slowly beginning to.

“Why? What do you want with Colm o’Driscoll?” Hosea asked, shocked.

Riley shook his head and refused to write more. Arthur could see the boy’s hands shake, and a frown sit on his face, however, it seemed strangely odd. Judging from the behavior the boy was displaying, Arthur knew it had something to do with—

“Vengeance?” Dutch said out loud, a slow smirk sitting on his lips.

He didn’t really like Colm all that much, but stayed away from ruining things because things would ultimately get bad for the both of them. With Dutch being wanted now, they couldn’t afford to get more on their plate. And the o’Driscoll boys were trouble.

Riley didn’t nod, but looked down to the ground. His hands clutched the book he was holding and it seemed as if Riley was lot in thought. Arthur felt for the boy a tad bit, but it was sympathy that he needn’t feel in the first place. He could tell the difference—Riley’s death would mean nothing to him; and if his death meant nothing, than even his vengeance meant nothing.

“Alright, boy. Listen. If you want us to help ya, you’ll have to give us more than wanting Colm o’Driscoll’s head.”

Riley looked at Hosea as he said that and began to write again.

He’s got a debt he never paid back.

“With you?” Dutch laughed, patting the boy’s shoulder.

Riley nodded, unblinking. There was something different now about him, Arthur could tell. It was almost as if Riley seemed uncaring to everyone around him. His eyes and body language turned cold, despite him looking like he needed to grow up.

“He done somethin’ bad to ya, boy?” Arthur asked this time and Riley wrote again.

Terrible.

Arthur could tell that this was enough for Dutch. There was an idea looming in the man’s head, his eyes sparkled the same way it sparkled before Dutch wanted to rob that bank a year ago. Something wasn’t right, something is going to awry, Arthur couldn’t put his finger on it, but he trusted Dutch. Dutch would never do something crazy and jeopardise the lives of those in the camp.

“Don’t get any o’us killed, ya got that?” Arthur said, almost as if he snapped, and walked away.

What he didn’t see at that second was Riley frowning a tad bit more than he already was.

“Dutch…” Arthur spoke up, suddenly, breaking his reading.

Dutch looked at Arthur and blinked. “Somethin’ wrong, Arthur?”

Arthur sighed, “I don’ get no good feelin’ from that Riley boy.”

Dutch sighed in retaliation, “Listen, Arthur, there’s somethin’ about that kid that I think we can use. It’s making use of potential, son. Don’t you agree, John?”

Dutch was starting to involve John in almost everything now and it didn’t sit easy with Arthur.

“I think he looks funny,” John said, “He looks almost like a girl.”

Arthur chuckled and ruffled the boy’s head, “You’re goin’ blind, Marston.”

John grumbled.

“Listen, Arthur,” Dutch said this time, voice more sullen that the last time, “There’s something about his eyes that spoke to me more than that notebook o’ his,” Arthur didn’t understand. “There’s so much pain in his eyes, son. Almost as if it’s stoppin’ him from living.”

Arthur remembered the last time Dutch had said something similar.

“You’ve got to understand, Arthur. You, of all people, you.” Dutch said.

Dutch had said the same about Arthur himself.

○

Riley got a small run down tent to stay in. He had no horse yet, which meant that he had to buy one, but considering how little money he had, he knew he had to wait. He felt handicapped, but that wouldn’t stop him from knowing he was heading toward where he had to go.

Colm o’Driscoll, he thought before opening a particular page in his book. There, he had names written in an order. The third name was Colm’s and the first two were Horace and Dalton Newcomb. There were a total of seven names, which meant seven times he would have to extract vengeance. Riley then shared at his palm, thinking of the last time it had slipped his fingers. He could have killed Colm that night, but he chose not to. He cursed his mind, he cursed that he felt terrible—Colm had after all, saved his life, but was instead a menace.

“I promise ya’ kid. I’ll save yer brother.” Colm had once said.

“False promises,” (y/n) (l/n) uttered, closing the book and keeping it back in her bag.

All of this, she thought as fresh tears filled her eyes. All of this torture for him, she thought, closing her bag and touching her chest. She felt the bruises. And, the tightness of the bandages suddenly made her breathless. To hide who I am, she thought before running her fingers across the rim of the bandage. She had tied it around her torso to push back her breasts, from people not figuring out that she was a woman.

Being a woman in a time like this was difficult. She would end up as Mrs. Grimshaw, nice and kind and lovely, but Mrs. Grimshaw wouldn’t be allowed to extract vengeance. She would ask someone else, and (y/n) had no mind for that. She wanted to control death, which she understood abandoned her when she needed it—instead, she made a pact with vengeance for something no one else but her can do. If she had to hide her identity, then so be it.

She would kill Colm o’Driscoll and then she would kill Horace and Dalton.

She would kill them all for slaughtering her parents and murdering her brother.

I’m sorry I took your name, baby brother, she thought, wiping the tears away. But, I will not let your death be in vain. You died for me that night, and I will end those responsible.

(y/n) (l/n) was barely alive. Vengeance kept her breathing.

[imagine-organization-xiii]

Organization XIII - Songs They Like to Have Sex To

Suggested by: No one.  Everyone but the babies.

Xemnas - Motivation by Kelly Rowland (video/song is NSFW)

“Oh, lover, don’t you dare slow down.  Go longer, you can last more rounds.  Push harder, you’re almost there now.  So go lover, make momma proud.  And when we’re done, I don’t wanna feel my legs, and when we’re done, I just wanna feel your hands all over me, baby.  But you can’t stop there, music still playin’ in the background.“

Xigbar - Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys

“(Do I wanna know?) If this feeling flows both ways. (Sad to see you go.) Was sorta hoping that you’d stay. (Baby we both know...) That the night were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day. Crawling back to you.  Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? Cause I always do, maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new. Now I’ve thought it through - Crawling back to you.“

Xaldin - Work Song by Hozier

“Boys, when my baby found me, I was three days on a drunken sin.  I woke with her walls all around me, nothing in her room but an empty crib.  And I was burning up a fever, I didn’t care much how long I lived, but I swear, I thought I dreamed her.  She never asked me once about the wrong I did.  When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth.  No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.“

Vexen - Let’s Get It On by Marvin Gaye

“I’ve been really tryin’, baby, tryin’ to hold back this feelin for so long. And if you feel like I feel, baby, then c’mon, oh, c’mon.  Let’s get it on, ah, baby, let’s get it on.“

Lexaeus - My Love by Sia

“My love, leave yourself behind.  Beat inside me, leave you blind.  My love, you have found peace.  You were searching for release.  You gave it all, you gave into the call, you took a chance and you took a fall for us.  You give thoughtfully, loved me faithfully, you taught me honor.  You did it for me.“

Zexion - War of Hearts (Acoustic) by Ruelle

“Come to me in the night hours, I will wait for you.  And I can’t sleep, cause thoughts devour, thoughts of you consume... I can’t help but love you, even though I try not to.  I can’t help but want you, I know that I’d die without you... Stay with me, a little longer, I will wait for you.  Shadows creep, and want grows stronger, deeper than the truth.“

Saix - Earned it by The Weeknd

“I’m so used to being used, so I love when you call unexpected.  Cause I hate when the moment’s expected, so I’ma care for you, you, you. I’ma care for you, you, you. Cause girl you’re perfect, you’re always worth it, and you deserve it, the way you work it. Cause girl you earned it, yeah, girl you earned it, yeah.“

Axel - Fuck Your Body by Christina Aguilera

“It’s true what you heard, I am a freak, I’m disturbed, so come on and give me your worst (uh oh, yeah.) We’re moving faster than slow, if you don’t know where to go, I’ll finish all on my own (uh oh, yeah.) I don’t need to know where you’ve been, all I need to know is you and no need for talking.  So don’t even tell me your name, all I need to know is who’s place and let’s get walkin.“

Demyx - Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mya, P!nk

“Touch of her skin, feeling silky smooth.  Color of café au lait, alright, made the savage beast inside roar until he cried more more more.  Now he’s back home doin’ nine to five, he’s living the gray flannel life, but when he turns off to sleep, memories creep more more more.“

Luxord - Set the Mood by Justin Timberlake

“And let me set the mood right, cause I’m gonna make you feel alright.  Let me set the mood right, cause I’m gonna make you feel alright.  I gotta set the mood right, let me make you feel alright.  I’m gonna set the mood right, I promise baby you’ll feel alright.”

Marluxia - Need You Tonight by INXS

“So slide over here and give me a moment, your moves are so raw, I’ve got to let you know, I’ve got to let you know... you’re one of my kind.  I need you tonight cause I’m not sleeping.  There’s something about you girl, that makes me sweat.“

Larxene - Get on Your Knees by Nicki Minaj ft. Ariana Grande (song is NSFW)

“Cause we are just animals, baby it’s primal.  I want you on all fours, and before I let you walk, you gotta show me how you crawl.  If you want it all, it’s non-negotiable, so do as I say.  If you want to get the job you better know who’s the boss.  I don’t need a dozen roses, you ain’t gotta wine and dine me, no, I don’t need a pretty poet.  Ooh, gettin’ all emotional.  You gotta beg for it (beg for it.) I wanna see you lookin’ up, baby i’ma need you to beg, beg, beg for it!“

[softbrobarnes]

I'll give you a ship and a character soooo Richie/Eddie and Hanna from Druck!

Okay, so turns out I don’t really have any Hanna feelings, sorry sorry, so you’re getting Reddie songs. They’re my RIDE OR DIE so I came prepared…

Blue Öyster Cult - Don’t Fear The Reaper

come on baby, don’t fear the reaperbaby take my hand, don’t fear the reaperwe’ll be able to fly, don’t fear the reaperbaby I’m your man

(If the line ‘baby i’m your man’ isn’t 1000 % reddie, then what even is the meaning of life?)

Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Closure 

I don’t wanna be over youif I can make you mineI don’t wanna take closure nowif I can fix tonightI don’t know if we can work this out, but I’ve got to tryI don’t wanna be over youif I can make you minesay that it’s okayI know that it isn’tsay you need spacethat is your decisionsay it to my facetell me how I’m trippingthis is something realI’m what you’ve been missing

Eurythmics - Here Comes The Rain Again

here comes the rain againfalling on my head like a memoryfalling on my head like a new emotionI want to walk in the open windI want to talk like lovers doI want to dive into your oceanis it raining with youso baby talk to me like lovers dowalk with me like lovers do

Letters to Cleo - I Want You To Want Me

I want you to want meI need you to need meI’d love you to love me

didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I, see you cryin’ feelin’ all alone without a friend you know you feel like dyin’

Troye Sivan feat. Allday - for him.

you don’t have to say I love you to say I love you

and we take jokes way too farand sometimes living’s too hardwe’re like two halves of one heartwe are, we are, we are

eat a pill stay and chill, you don’t need to goI’m about to bring emo back if you leave my homeI’d panic at the disco and you’d rather watch a TV showthen I’ll squeeze your booty real hard like I’m kneading doughpizza boy, I’m speeding for yawe can get married tonight if you really wanname in a cheap suit like a sleazy lawyerand if you break this lil’ heart, it’d be an honor

(Okay but this is so Richie and you can’t convince me otherwise????)

Send me a character or a ship, and I’ll answer with five songs I associate with them!

[eerythingisshaka]

Death of a Bachelor

(Erik Killmonger POV)

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: sSmutSs, fuckboyness

A/N:  Possible new series?  So hear me out, this was inspired by the movie Alfie, the Michael Caine version is the only one I seen.  But Erik is going to experience four, maybe five women, each very different from the next.  He’s having fun with them but at some point he’s going to have to tighten up on some of his ways, whether it’s with a lucky lady from the five, or by his damn self.  I also just wanted to do a smut since I haven’t in a minute and no one is gettin any in my series’ (also I may have some residual hormones that I can’t work out right now because nature doesn’t want me to have any pleasure this week, so I’m getting it out here). The one time my mama asks me what I’m writing about and it’s THIS, smh. First POV of a character, so hopefully his spirit comes across here.

I swear God had a sense of humor making a nigga like me.  The average man woulda been shot his on brains out with the bullshit I have had to deal with in my life.  I’m not goin into all my childhood shit right now, that psychology and repressed emotions bull never rocked with me for real.  Nah, I’m talkin bout my life right here, right now.  People just won’t leave me the hell alone!

So boom, it’s like this.  I like to take care of myself.  I do my cardio every Monday, Wednesday, Saturday.   That can be runnin, boxin, some P90X or whatever the fuck to keep me on my toes.  I do weight training Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, doublin up when I feel like it with my cardio days; lightwork, you feel me?  All that to say ya boy is stacked.  You couldn’t put no more muscle on this 6’0 frame if you tried, took a damn long time but I finally got my shit filled out right.

And I’m proud of my shit, gotta double back by the mirror every so often just to catch myself lookin.  I ain’t narcissistic or nothin, but fuck you if you think I should be humble, I earned this.  

I say all that to say it’s funny how people think they entitled to your time just because you give em some dick every other visit.  Females will tell you different, but they just as thirsty as niggas these days.  I go out the gym, fresh from a shower in my wife beater and sweats, right?  I got my shades on cuz I’m not tryna socialize, just get my protein powder and jet.  

What they do?  Stare at me walkin past the produce section, holdin they bananas in a daze, fuckin me with they eyes!  On one hand, I’m cool with it, like I said I work for this body to be admired.  Bitches love feelin on my stomach and chest while I dig them out, clawing my back when my shit too deep for em.  But then I say good morning, and they ass wanna look at me funky and go about they business!  Like I bothered them with some eye fuckin!  Bitch if you don’t go on somewhere witcho thirsty ass!  Maybe my approach is off, but fuck that, I know what you were thinkin bout, and that don’t require much introduction to get to.

That’s a good sign for me though, cuz I know they gon run off to they little friends talking bout, “Girl, this fine ass nigga said Hi to me at the grocery store today.  Bitch, I hope I see him again, I might have to fuck him right on the tomatoes!”  I know them!  They act proud, but they don’t wanna come off hoeish.

Lemme see you be a hoe!  I cannot stress that enough!  There’s an artform to it though, don’t go comin up on me, rubbin my ass and whisperin in my ear (depends on the location and time of day though for that).  Shit, come up to me and say hi for once!  Being the aggressor gets tired after a while.  See, when a baby girl come up to me, smilin all confident and shit like she holdin the meanin to life between her legs, askin me who I am and what she wants, NIGGA!  You ain’t said nothin but a word, ma!

That’s how I got involved with this one girl, Venice, like that town in Italy.  She a real cute redbone, bout 5’5 wears these red bottom heels everyday (at least she has em one whenever I see her...never takes em off).  She work as a paralegal, so she gotta wear blazers, skirts, or pantsuits, which I don’t always find sexiest but the way she gets em tailored to her body, whew man, it’s almost porno levels of ridiculous but that’s just cuz how thicc she is.  Bitch can’t help it!

I go to this deli shop on lunch sometimes and she was in line with her phone glued to her eyeballs, so I knew she wasn’t wantin to be fucked around with.  I respect a woman’s boundaries, you ain’t gotta tell me twice to go the fuck on somewhere.  But tell me why when I’m pickin up pastrami on rye, ready to smash that thing I hear her behind me talkin bout, “I took you as more of a footlong type of guy.”  If that ain’t no damn innuendo I don’t know what the fuck is.  I’m lookin at her like she gotta be jokin, but damn her with that fuckin smile.  She smelt good too, like coconut and fresh laundry, she was clean clean.  She tried to hide her lil joke talmbout “I meant you so look like you workout, your meal just don’t match the appetite I envisioned.”  So I ask her if she been envisioning in more ways than one and that got her cackling real quick, touchin on me like we old classmates reuniting.  Long story short, we exchanged numbers and I get a text at the end of the day askin me to pull up to her job and next thing I know, we fuckin on her desk.  She loud as fuck too.  The building seemed like it was cleared out but damn, the police coulda been called for all she was doin.  The pussy was fire though, almost had me losin my shit.  She keeps it clean, except for some hair across the top of her pussy like a toupee.  She likes to ride it though, that probably has to do with her profession, wantin power over people.  Soon as she start cummin though, she a damsel in distress needin her Superman to finish things off.

So I been fuckin with her for a little over a month now.  It’s real causal, we meet more after dark than in the daytime.  It’s fun, I ain’t had to jackoff too much cuz she seems to work with my shit like  circadian rhythm or whatever.  Soon as I felt my shit gettin hard, my phone light up.  

Tonight wasn’t no different.  I was working out late that night, finishing a couple of miles on the treadmill when a notification interrupts my music.  I look at my phone and it’s a picture of her hand spreading her pussy lips out.  Damn, purple and pink were my favorite colors.  I had to hit the emergency stop so I didn’t bust my face on the machine.  I let her know I would be there in a hour, she says to make it 30 minutes.

This is when I have a problem with her, she think she run me!  If I tell her I can’t come today, she says she can help with that.  I tell her I’m tired, she say I don’t have to do shit but lay there.  I was outta town once, and she still not satisfied until I get her on FaceTime so she can see me jackoff while she play with herself.  If it didn’t turn me on so damn much, I’d drop her for good.  

So, after I shower and start heading to my car, she text me with this address I don’t know.  When I Googled, it led me to some condo on the other side of town.  I asked her what this was about and the bitch left me on read.  Fuck outta here with that shit.  I ain’t Scooby Doo, and I don’t feel like solvin mysteries.  Fuck I look like?!

But my dumbass follows the scent of hot n ready pussy soon as it pops up, so I go and whatever.  Place look like the fuckin Powerpuff Girls live here, doin the absolute most for one woman to be livin in by herself.

When I go knockin on her front door, it just opens on its own like a haunted house.  I peek in, bout to call her lame ass for tellin me an address I don’t know about, tryna get a Black man killed, I hear her voice.

“Come on in, baby.”

I stepped my ass in there real slow, checkin my peripherals until I saw her sittin on the couch in some see through robe lookin at her fireplace.  I coulda busted concrete with the hard on I got lookin at her.  Those titties, nigga, sittin up under her chin practically, just overflowin she so big.  

“What’re you standin there like you seen a ghost.  Come sit like you got some kind of sense.”

“What you got the front door open like that for?”  I asked her, sittin next to her.

“I knew you were coming by.  I don’t feel like getting up if I don’t have to.”  She takes a bottle of Hennessy from the table in front of us and pours two glasses, handing me one of em.

I take a sip, nursing my drink.  “You tryna be a pillow princess tonight or sumthin?  Wantin me to do all the work?”  I asked her.   I couldnt help but reach out to feel that ass through her robe but she smacked my hand.

“Not like that, Erik!  I want you to finish that drink, and maybe another.  I want to be entertained a little more than usual tonight.”  She knocked back her drink quicker than a jackrabbit on a date.  She set her drink down, scooching over closer to me.  I couldn’t keep my eyes off them damn titties!  She started rubbin the inner part of my leg and I took the Henny down, you feel me!  

She poured me another drink and started talkin all general about my day and shit.  I wasn’t giving her nothin but one word answers cuz I was startin to get a lil lit off of the drink and she kept playin in my hair, kissin my neck and shit.  I was tired of tellin her to chill out with alldat cuz I damn sure was ready to teach her ass some fuckin manners.

So I grab her thigh and pull her big ass over my lap, giving them cheeks a Jaws of Life-ass squeeze.  I heard her gasp from my strength, she love that shit.

“Erik, hang on-”  She try and say but I ain’t wantin to hear her mouth.  I slip my hand in her panties and started washing my hands, her shit was like a faucet with that drip.  I knew she was ready, think she playin with somebody.

“Fuck a ‘hang on’.  Hang on these nuts, what you finna do.”  I was bout to be in my element!  Pussy poolin and I was finna dive, my nigga!  Next thing I know my hair gettin pulled and yanked backward, hurt like a muthafucka.

“Damn Venice!  What the fu-”

She took my hand and licked them off all slow.  I felt her tongue dancing on my fingertips before she pinned my hand back.

“I really, really, love it when you’re rude, Erik.  I do!  But when I tell you to hold on, you say ‘yes ma’am’, remember?”

She pullin that dominance shit again.  I ain’t on no punk shit, let the record show.  But if this moves things along, then, “Yes ma’am.”

Then the damn doorbell rings!  “Finally!”  Venice gets up for the door, walkin all fast.

“Who the fuck are you expectin?”  I’m gettin loud with her cuz I didn’t sign up for none of this shit.  I was supposed to soak my wood and dip, she be extra but this on some other shit.

She turns around and puts her a finger to her mouth at me before opening the door.  Some blonde girl comes through the door sayin Hi and huggin Venice like this a tea party.  So, I’m sittin on the couch waiting for them to finish and her to leave, but Venice walks Jennifer Lawrence lookin clown into the living room.

“Erik, this is-”

“I don’t need to know her name, I need to know when she leavin.”  I’m heated!  My dick gettin soft by the minute, but Venice and her friend is unphased.

Venice starts playin in her hair and they start gigglin.  “She’s here to keep us company.  She’s fun, I think you both would do well with each other.”

Nigga, when she said this, I wondered if she spiked my damn drink or some bullshit.  “I don’t associate with white folks Venice, stop wastin my time so we can do what I came over for.”

“That’s why Abbigayle is here!  She wanted to meet you and-”

“You tellin bitches about me?  Talkin behind my back?!  I ain’t a damn gossip topic, fuck is your problem!  I don’t fuck white bitches either, so you can just step ABBA!”  I was ready to pack my happy ass up and go.  Too many females on this planet to be strung up on one dummy.

“ERIK!  I’m not going to be interrupted again!  You’re making me lose my patience, that isn’t going to go over well for you.  Be nice!”

I said already I ain’t no punk, right?  And I meant that shit.  But I ain’t never one to fuck up a good time, fuckin is fuckin, so let’s just see what happens.  “Yes ma’am.”

Venice liked that, she instantly walked all slow and sexy over to me tellin me good job and shit, kissin on me.  For a second I forgot about Abracadabra but then I feel an extra pair of hands at my lap and I see her unbuttoning my pants.  Venice tooks my face back to look at her; she is really fuckin beautiful, I can’t even lie on that.  Her lips felt like when you ain’t had Starburst in a while, and the first one in the line is a Pink or a Red, nigga her lips juicy as fuck and I didn’t want her to stop puttin em on me.  

So we makin out on the couch and Abacus got my dick out and starts lickin and kissin my shit like it’s a damn bomb pop.  That’s cute and all if I rock with you, but if I don’t know you like that?  You just playin, show me what the hell that mouf do so I can hae somethin to talk to the homies bout later.

Venice gets off the couch and sits across the room in a chair, leaving her leg over the arm so her legs are spread out.  I finally was gettin hard again, poor Abilify probably thought I was gettin there from her hen peckin round my shaft.  Nah, I couldn’t hold back seeing Venice sittin there like she ain’t give an entire fuck that some random bitch was suckin my dick!  Like, she ain’t been shy about what she likes in the bedroom but fuck, this was some new shit she pullin out on me.  

When Venice took off her bra to let them titties hang on her stomach, I was about to lose my damn patience.  I look down and Albuquerque and decide she needs some instruction on what to do when you got dick in your mouth.

“Open ya mouth up.”  I told her, pulling her hair back to hold it behind her head.  Soon as she does I pump my dick all into the back of her throat.  She start hittin that gag reflex just right and then I let her breathe while she coughs and wipes her mascara down.  I look over at Venice who has a slick smile on her face, nodding at me to continue.  When Abomasnow started bobbin on my dick again, she was two handin my shit right?  Venice brought a real lazy ass to this party.  So I popped her face tellin her to take it deep.  White girl was a trooper, I give her that.  She barely got it halfway in before she started to gag, so I held her down just to make sure she wasn’t playing.

Lookin over at Venice, now she all relaxed, panties to the side with two fingers diggin herself out.  She was bitin her lip tryin not to cum, she bet not either.  With her full attenion I let her friend breathe again before I made her face my playground, fuckin the shit outta her throat.  I tried my best to imagine it being Venice’s pussy like she probably wish her fingers were me.  I couldn’t take no damn more.

I pulled out of Arby’s and strolled my ass on over to Venice, ready or not.  Venice wasn’t fightin though as I picked her up under them thick ass legs while she held onto my shoulders.  I guided her onto my Johnson and slid right in that bitch like it was nothin.  She was so damn wet for me, and her face said it all that she was finally gettin what we came there to do.  Venice pussy reminded me of when you just sat down after bein up on your feet all day and you feel like your heart is beatin in your soles when you get them propped up but it’s so damn better than gettin back up again.  Venice knew how to tease me, and that shit was torture, but fuck if that release ain’t sweeter for it.  Kissin on her lips while she breathin on me kept me goin, so I put her down turned her around by the fireplace.  I picked her leg up and back and got right back in that pussy.  This was my favorite position, cuz she felt tighter from behind, and she screamed louder too.  Singing my name out like a gospel, cussin me out so much it almost hurt my feelins.  Almost.  

I almost forgot about her friend, til I felt a ticklin on my balls and there was Abscess tryna feel a part of this too, lickin my nuts and Venice’s pussy when I was slammin too hard in them cheeks.  It was whatever though, cuz not a damn thing was bringing me out of her til I was through.  

While I’m holdin Venice’s titties bouncin round, I felt myself gettin close, but that wasn’t happenin here, not like that.  So I pull out of Venice, almost kickin Albany in the face and take her chair spot.

“Lemme fuck them titties real quick.”  Venice gets between my legs and wraps them tig ol bitties round me, holdin them in place.  Ma had my dick CREAMY, I didn’t even notice til then, she was cummin harder than a muthafucka.  Venice friend helped keep her hair back, encouraging her with some “Go girl, get that cock baby!”  type of Bring It On like nonsense.  This ain’t no damn pep rally, fuck is you doin?  Me and Venice were in our own damn world anyway, watchin her tongue hang out to catch my tip when it poke from her cleavage made me mad.  She knew what the fuck to do, and I can’t stand it!  Nigga, that nut was so long and hard, it could break steel, but it painted her face like a damn masterpiece, stickin on her eyelashes and shit.  What the fuck she get for makin me work so damn hard.

With all that, her friend was pretty chill by the outcome.  “Damn, Venice, you weren’t lying at all.  Shits real!”  givin Venice a high five while I pulled my pants up and she wiped her face.  

“Right?  Told you!  Ok guys, I have to get some rest so just see yourselves out.  We should do this again!”  

I just knew she wasn’t talkin to me, but she really was walkin up her steps to her room like we were her employees clockin out.  

I asked her, “Aye, Venice!  This how you treat guests in your house!”  

“You ain’t gotta go home, Erik, but you have got to get the hell outta here before my husband gets home.”  Venice said with a flick of her wrist.  Bossy ass bitch!  

Me and Abbreviate walk outside and I just had to ask her somethin for what just happened.  “Do y’all do this a lot?”

She just shrugs.  “Sometimes, but I don’t say yes to every invitation.  You just sounded too promising.”

I nodded, confused as hell, but flattered.  “Right.  And how y’all know each other?”

“I’m a colleague.  Worked on a case together and got a little closer than necessary.  Been a good friend since.  Take care of yourself, Erik.”  She gets in her car and that was that on that.  

When I head to my whip, I get a text notification.  I just knew it was Venice asking me to come back or at least a thank you.  But no this time it was my other situation, Genesis.

Masterlist

[chaicoqui]

Favorite lyrics - thank u, next edition.

Ariana Grande latest album thank u, next released on February 8th, 2019.

imagine - 

Kiss me and take off your clothes

Imagine a world like that Imagine a world like that We go like up 'til I'm 'sleep on your chest Love how my face fits so good in your neck 

needy -

(the whole song tbh)

If you take too long to hit me back I can't promise you how I’ll react 

Lately I've been on a roller coaster Tryna get a hold of my emotions

And I'ma scream and shout for what I love Passionate but I don't give no fucks I admit that I'm a lil' messed up But I can hide it when I'm all dressed up I'm obsessive and I love too hard Good at overthinking with my heart How you even think it got this far? This far

And I can be needy, way too damn needy I can be needy, tell me how good it feels to be needed I can be needy, so hard to please me I know it feels so good to be needed

Sorry if I'm up and down a lot (Yeah) Sorry that I think I'm not enough And sorry if I say sorry way too much You can go ahead and call me selfish (Selfish) But after all this damage I can't help it (Help it)

I know it feels so good to be needed 

NASA -

I'd rather be alone tonight You can say "I love you" through the phone tonight

And when I miss you, it'll change the way I kiss you Baby, you know time apart is beneficial It's like I'm the universe and you'll be N-A-S-A

Give you the whole world, I'ma need space

Bottom line Usually I would love it if you stay the night I just think I'm on another page tonight It ain't nothing wrong with saying I need me time 

bloodline - 

Don't want you in my bloodline, yuh Just wanna have a good time, yuh

Not tryna make you all mine, yuh

fake smile -

Another night, another party, sayin' hi to everybody I’m sorry, it's time to leave, I gotta leave now 

I can't fake another smile I can't fake like I'm alright Ooh, ah (Ooh, ah) And I won't say I'm feeling fine After what I been through, I can’t lie Ooh, ah (Ooh, ah)

Fuck a fake smile, smile Fuck a fake smile, fake smile

If I'm hurt, I ain't gon' lie about it Arms crossed with the attitude, lips pouted If I'm mad, I ain't gon' lie about it Neck roll with the attitude, yeah

bad idea -

(I didn’t like this song much)

make up -

I like to fuck with you just to make up with you

'Cause the way you be screamin' my name

Make me wanna make love to you

At the end of the day, boy

You know that I'm 'bout to wake up with youI love it when we make up (Yeah eh eh)

Go 'head, ruin my make up (Yeah eh eh)

ghostin -

I know you hear me when I cry I try to hold it in the night While you're sleepin' next to me But it's your arms that I need this time (This time)

You been so understanding, you been so good And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to Admit that it hurts you 

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again Over him, mmh I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again 'Stead of ghostin' him 

Though I wish he were here instead

Don't want that living in your head

He just comes to visit me

When I'm dreaming every now and then (And then)

in my head -

Painted a picture, I thought I knew you well I got a habit of seeing what isn't there Caught in the moment, tangled up in your sheets When you broke my heart, I said you only wanted half of me 

My imagination's too creative They see demon, I see angel (angel) angel Without a halo, wingless angel   

Falling, falling, but I never thought you'd leave me Falling, falling, needed something to believe in, oh I thought you were the one But it was all in my head It was all in my head (Skrrt, skrrt) 

Yeah, look at you, boy, I invented you 

Wanted you to grow, but, boy, you wasn’t budding Everything you are made you everything you aren't I saw your potential without seein' credentials (-entials) Maybe that's the issue (Yeah, yeah) Said maybe that’s the issue, ah Can't hold that shit against you, ah Guess I did it to myself, yeah Thought you were somebody else, you

7 rings -

Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch Who woulda thought it'd turn me to a savage? Rather be tied up with calls and not strings Write my own checks like I write what I sing, yeah (Yeah) 

You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it (Yeah)

Wearing a ring, but ain't gon' be no "Mrs." Bought matching diamonds for six of my bitches I'd rather spoil all my friends with my riches Think retail therapy my new addiction

Whoever said money can't solve your problems Must not have had enough money to solve 'em They say, "Which one?" I say, "Nah, I want all of 'em" Happiness is the same price as red-bottoms 

Yeah, my receipts, be lookin' like phone numbers If it ain't money, then wrong number 

I don't mean to brag, but I be like, "Put it in the bag, " yeah When you see them racks, they stacked up like my ass, yeah 

Ain't got enough money to pay me respect

Ain't no budget when I'm on the set

If I like it, then that's what I get, yeah

thank u, next -

(the whole song’s bop lbfh)

Thought I'd end up with Sean But he wasn't a match Wrote some songs about Ricky Now I listen and laugh Even almost got married And for Pete, I'm so thankful Wish I could say, "Thank you" to Malcolm 'Cause he was an angel

One taught me love One taught me patience And one taught me pain Now, I'm so amazing I've loved and I've lost But that's not what I see So, look what I got Look what you taught me And for that, I say

Thank you, next (next) Thank you, next (next) Thank you, next I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex

Spend more time with my friends I ain't worried 'bout nothin' Plus, I met someone else We havin' better discussions I know they say I move on too fast But this one gon' last 'Cause her name is Ari And I'm so good with that (so good with that)

She taught me love (love) She taught me patience (patience) How she handles pain (pain) That shit's amazing (yeah, she's amazing) I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah) But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah) 'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah) Ain't no need for searching

One day I'll walk down the aisle Holding hands with my mama I'll be thanking my dad 'Cause she grew from the drama Only wanna do it once, real bad Gon' make that shit last God forbid something happens Least this song is a smash 

I've got so much love (love) Got so much patience (patience) I've learned from the pain (pain) I turned out amazing (turned out amazing) I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah) But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah) 'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah) Ain't no need for searching And for that, I'll say

Thank you, next (thank you, next)

break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored -

You got me some type of way (Hmm) Ain't used to feelin' this way (Mmm-mmm) I do not know what to say (Yeah, yeah) But I know I shouldn't think about it Took one fuckin' look at your face (Hmm) Now I wanna know how you taste (Mmm-mmm) Usually don't give it away (Yeah, yeah) But you know I'm out here thinkin' 'bout it Then I realized she's right there And I'm at home like, "Damn, this ain't fair"Break up with your girlfriend Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored You can hit it in the mornin' (Mornin') Yeah, yeah, like it's yours I know it ain't right But I don't care (Care)

You can say I'm hatin' if you want to But I only hate on her 'cause I want you Say I'm trippin' if you feel that But you without me ain't right (Ain't right) You can call me crazy 'cause I want you And I never even never fuckin' met you Say I'm trippin' and it ain't right But you without me ain't nice (Ain't nice, yeah)

[ariianas]

ˢʰᑫ ᶦᶰᵗᵉʳᵛᶦᵉʷ ﹔𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕒𝕟𝕒 𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖 !

❝ so you are famously known for not only your grammy winning music, but also your ability to fall in and out of love. your boyfriend, shawn mendes, has abruptly abandoned your joint tour just as rumors surface of your ongoing relationship with 1d alumni, liam payne. what are you doing to keep yourself positive? and what exactly is going on with liam and shawn? ❞

❛ whew, okay, i should’ve known the hard-hitting questions were coming first. trying to get the hot scoop, man ? can’t blame you. but, uh, i do the same thing to stay positive during ... you know ... the million times a month when my life hits the fan. lots of comfort food, surrounding myself around these brilliant, amazing people i call friends n’ lay up with piggy n’ the gang. what else could a girl possibly ask for ? oh, i know, a suave answer to get my tiny ass out of this question. uh, literally days after my divorce with gregg was finalized, i ran into my little crumpet liam. we instantly hit it off, which had much to do with me droolin’ over his accent, mind you. then he ghosted for personal reasons, n’ a bitch wanted to hop on the first man she saw. lasted a good two days later, of course. shawn came along ‘n ruined everything ─── but in the best way possible. so, yeah. ❜

❝ consider the rumors about sofia carson are true. do you think you were inconsiderate of her feelings because your own marriage was wrecked due to another woman? ❞

❛ oh gosh, not a day goes by where i haven’t heard sofia’s name. can y’all leave the poor girl alone ? i don’t even know the girl, ‘n i’m feelin’ super bad for her right now. that’s rough. but, uh, do i think i was inconsiderate ? fuck yeah. are you not listening, dude ? as i said before, my main priority after leaving gregg was living as recklessly as i possibly could. and, well, uh, some may say that i took that a little too far. look, any inch of consideration that i felt instantly flew out the window once i really got to know who shawn was. which was, mind you, by like the second day of us speaking. n’ to clear that up, i never had the intention of stealing shawn away from her, or whatever they were at the time, but it just happened. i spruced up his life n’ he did the same for mine, simple. ❜

❝ your critics have stated that your music is becoming too generic. your song, 7 rings, blatantly copies the flow of another artist. what do you have to say to the people that are questioning your artistic integrity? and why are you so afraid to say you pulled inspiration from others? ❞

❛ this again ? i really want people to stop this whole ‘ she copied so n’ so, ’ or ‘ this sounds exactly like …. ’ bullshit cause music n’ beats are universal. literally every song, pop, at that, would sound the absolute same to anyone who isn’t all techy with production n’ all that jazz. plus, why would i be afraid to admit something so simple ? everyone has to start somewhere, man, n’ there’s no reason for me to shy away from that. you know ? it’s like adding fuel to the fire. no bueno, my friend. either fuckin’ way, man, 7 rings is a banger ─── buy n’ stream it, folks. mama needs to feed her dogs tonight ! ❜

❝ let’s talk about some of the other men in your life. for instance, joe keery, who infamously publicly defended your honor during the cheating scandal between camila and your ex husband, gregg. it seems you have a history with somewhat problematic behavior. do you think you’re manipulative? do you feel bad for what occurred between you and keery and how his tweets destroyed his friendship for many months? and don’t you get a sense of your actions repeating themselves? ❞

❛ y’all really made sure to hit all the bases here, huh ? the only interview that has done their research has me spilling out my guts. thanks guys ! but, uh, did he really come to my defense ? can someone pull up the tweet for the love of science ? i need visual proof cause now i’m feelin’ bad for tell him to buzz off the other day. joseph, if you’re seeing this then i’m sorry ! let’s be friends again ! now, to get down to the nitty gritty since i know this is the tea everyone’s looking for. am i manipulative ? of course i wouldn’t say that, but i will say that i’d stop at absolutely nothing to get what i want. so, if that’s your idea of manipulative then there’s your answer. as for joseph, i definitely feel bad. i mean, let me not act like ghostin’ him was easy cause watching his reaction when i told him actually ruined me. he was just this precious ‘lil awkward bean who deserved the world n’ still does, which is why i’m happy he ended up with madelaine. she will definitely give him more than i was able to, so, i wish ‘em nothing but the best. so yeah, if i could redo the entire joseph scenario then i would. for sure. but you know what’s scary ? i wouldn’t have seen it that way unless you would’ve brought it up. that means shawn would be joe n’ liam would be gregg ….. yeah, no, i don’t wanna play this game anymore. ❜

❝ it’s been rumored that you were pressuring shawn mendes to have a baby with you. do you honestly believe you’re ready for parenthood? and describe your relationship with your other boyfriend, liam payne’s son, bear. do you think your desire to have a child with shawn stemmed from your jealously over liam’s relationship with the mother of his child? ❞

❛ pressuring ? is that what you call it ? i, excuse me, was just throwing things out there n’ maybe, just maybe, it was aggressive as hell. am i ready for parenthood ? definitely. i feel like knowing that another life literally depends on me n’ my actions would be enough to finally snap me out of my shit. but to be honest, i would answer that except i don’t have a relationship with bear. it might be crazy to hear considering liam and i had a thing for months, but i thought it would be weird as hell from cheryl’s position. like, coming around n’ seeing this little stick figure with your child ? nope, i’ll spare myself from that scandal. also, jealousy ? what’s that ? have never, can never, will never experience that emotion in my entire life. thanks. ❜

and with that, my friends, it’s a wrap ! hopefully i didn’t say anything to offend anyone, i’m literally just telling my side of ... everything. whoever doesn’t like it could suck a fat one, preferably in my honor cause i haven’t gotten action in weeks. sorry. too much information ? ariana, stop talking !

[cryptidhanzoshimada]

Request from twitter @kerfufflewatch, and in other news I am physically incapable of writing anything short

“C’mon, c’mon.”  Jesse scrubs at the wine stain on his shirt with a vengeance.  This cannot be happening.

Can shoot a man from a hundred yards away but can’t pick up a wine glass without spilling it all over himself.  Luckily the shirts a deep brown so the stain isn’t super noticeable but damn it this is a nice shirt.

Jesse let’s out a frustrated sigh and throws the napkin on the bathroom counter.  He lays his hands flat and takes a couple of deep breaths to get his emotions under control.  He really wanted (needed?) this night to go well.  His first date with Hanzo and it’s a disaster.

It actually started out okay, he cleaned up nice and picked Hanzo up on time (who looked very, very handsome as well).  But then they hit terrible traffic in Gibraltar proper, almost enough to miss their reservation at the paella restaurant.  Only some very smooth sweet talking got them a table because of how crowded it was.  But all it took was one look at Hanzo to see how unhappy he was.

Things didn’t get much better once they sat down.  For the first time in a long time conversation was awkward between them which didn’t help Jesse’s nerves at all, to the point where he fumbled his wine glass and spilled it down his shirt.

Jesse takes one look in the mirror and sees a defeated man.  The infamous Jesse McCree brought down by a bottle of wine and bad luck.  He should have known that all his devil’s luck would come back to make up the deficit, just why couldn’t it have been tomorrow.

Pull yourself together Jesse.  You’re better than this.  Just breath in, breath out.  Don’t think about negatives, just focus on the objective.  Don’t think about Hanzo sitting out there, alone… having a terrible time… probably the worst date he’s ever had… how he’s probably going to call off this whole thing between you two…  Fuck.

The door suddenly swings open, startling Jesse, and a second later Hanzo walks in with a- well, he’s not sure what expression that is but it certainly isn’t positive.

“Is the shirt going to be salvageable?”

“Don’t know.  Need to let this soak overnight ‘fore I make the final call.”

Hanzo hums neutrally and an awkward silence grows.  Jesse stands there wringing the napkin between his hands and looking everywhere but Hanzo while the pit in his stomach grows.  Right before the silence becomes unbearable Hanzo speaks up again.

“McCree, are you alright?  I did not want to say anything earlier, but you have been.. off all evening.”

“What?” Yea, ‘m fine.  Everythin’s fine.  I mean, ‘m still feelin’ today’s trainin’ sims so that might be it.  Or maybe Genji did a lil’ bit better job at intimidatin’ me than I thought, but hey that’s a siblin’s job so I can’t blame him none-”

“Jesse.”  Hanzo’s now obviously concerned which stops Jesse short.  He forgot that Hanzo figured out his poker face real quick which was useful for keeping his bullshit from getting too wild, but not very helpful here.

“I’m sorry,” Jesse finally blurts out.

“For what?”

“Fer tonight, fer how much of a disaster everythin’s been.  I jus’ wanted to impress ya, give ya great night on the town so you’d know ya weren’t wastin’ yer time on someone like me.”

Hanzo honestly looks stunned for a second before he shakes it off and takes a step closer to Jesse.

“I would not call it a disaster.”

“Hanzo, please.  You know that I know exactly how ya grew up.  Any dates ya had back then probably took ya to the best places in town so ya could eat the best food money could by.  I’m sure none of them lost a reservation or make a fool of themselves or you.  By comparison to those tonight has been a grade ‘A’ shitshow and I’m sorry.”

“You are not wrong,” Hanzo says bluntly which just makes Jesse curl in on himself just a little more.  “I did go to some of the finest restaurants in Hanamura and drink fantastic alcohol and eat some of the best food available in the world.  But Jesse,” Hanzo steps right into Jesse’s space and cradles his jaw in his hand.  “I would give every single one of those nights up for tonight.”

“What?” Jesse so eloquently says.

“The people I went on dates with back then were sons and daughters and children of very influential people who my father more or less told me I was required to go with.  We talked and ate and drank and I hated every single moment of it because I never felt anything for them.  Nothing close to what I feel for you.  Jesse tonight has been the best date I have ever been on simply because I got to spend it with you.”

“But I saw yer face when we got here.  Ya weren’t happy.”

“You know how I dislike crowds, but that is not your fault and I do not blame you.  I promise that is all that was.  Well, that and I was not impressed with how the maitre d’ was treating you.”

“Really?’  Jesse tries to keep the hope out of his voice but it’s hard.

“Yes, really.  I know this night has not turned out exactly how either of us imagined but I would not have it any other way.  Besides, when have either of us done anything according to plan.”

They both laugh at that and Jesse dares to lace his fingers together with Hanzo’s free hand.  Hanzo doesn’t pull away, only readjusts the grip to make it more solid and Jesse can’t believe his luck.

The peaceful moment is broken when Jesse’s stomach rumbles, loudly.  He ran in here before they even had a chance to order food and while his anxiety kept his hunger at bay, now it can’t be ignored.

Hanzo laughs again and after he gets his giggles under control says, “I have to say, I am feeling much the same.”

“I’m sorry.  Let’s get back in there an’ get ya somethin’ nice.”

Jesse goes to walk out the bathroom but is stopped short when Hanzo doesn’t move or release his grip on his hand.

“I have a better idea.  This place is not… us.  Which is why, Jesse McCree, I would like to take you out on a date.”

A burst of laughter escapes Jesse.  “Ya serious?”

“Certainly.  There is this wonderful food cart a couple blocks from here that has the best gyros I have ever tasted that I think would be perfect for us.  Do you accept?”

Jesse smiles and nods.  “I’d have to be a damn fool to turn ya down, Hanzo Shimada.  Lead the way.”