#we dont measure grades like that

[pinkanonhopes]

i got my first f in school lol

[kaoharu]

exam easy as fuuuck ( in tears /silly )

[sweateroverlord]

am i truly incapable of seeing the good things in me or were the bad things the only thing i was notified of growing up?

[qqueenofhades]

I’m in undergrad but I keep hearing and seeing people talking about using chatgpt for their schoolwork and it makes me want to rip my hair out lol. Like even the “radical” anti-chatgpt ones are like “Oh yea it’s only good for outlines I’d never use it for my actual essay.” You’re using it for OUTLINES????? That’s the easy part!! I can’t wait to get to grad school and hopefully be surrounded by people who actually want to be there 😭😭😭

Not to sound COMPLETELY like a grumpy old codger (although lbr, I am), but I think this whole AI craze is the obvious result of an education system that prizes "teaching for the test" as the most important thing, wherein there are Obvious Correct Answers that if you select them, pass the standardized test and etc etc mean you are now Educated. So if there's a machine that can theoretically pick the correct answers for you by recombining existing data without the hard part of going through and individually assessing and compiling it yourself, Win!

... but of course, that's not the way it works at all, because AI is shown to create misleading, nonsensical, or flat-out dangerously incorrect information in every field it's applied to, and the errors are spotted as soon as an actual human subject expert takes the time to read it closely. Not to go completely KIDS THESE DAYS ARE JUST LAZY AND DONT WANT TO WORK, since finding a clever way to cheat on your schoolwork is one of those human instincts likewise old as time and has evolved according to tools, technology, and educational philosophy just like everything else, but I think there's an especial fear of Being Wrong that drives the recourse to AI (and this is likewise a result of an educational system that only prioritizes passing standardized tests as the sole measure of competence). It's hard to sort through competing sources and form a judgment and write it up in a comprehensive way, and if you do it wrong, you might get a Bad Grade! (The irony being, of course, that AI will *not* get you a good grade and will be marked even lower if your teachers catch it, which they will, whether by recognizing that it's nonsense or running it through a software platform like Turnitin, which is adding AI detection tools to its usual plagiarism checkers.)

We obviously see this mindset on social media, where Being Wrong can get you dogpiled and/or excluded from your peer groups, so it's even more important in the minds of anxious undergrads that they aren't Wrong. But yeah, AI produces nonsense, it is an open waste of your tuition dollars that are supposed to help you develop these independent college-level analytical and critical thinking skills that are very different from just checking exam boxes, and relying on it is not going to help anyone build those skills in the long term (and is frankly a big reason that we're in this mess with an entire generation being raised with zero critical thinking skills at the exact moment it's more crucial than ever that they have them). I am mildly hopeful that the AI craze will go bust just like crypto as soon as the main platforms either run out of startup funding or get sued into oblivion for plagiarism, but frankly, not soon enough, there will be some replacement for it, and that doesn't mean we will stop having to deal with fake news and fake information generated by a machine and/or people who can't be arsed to actually learn the skills and abilities they are paying good money to acquire. Which doesn't make sense to me, but hey.

So: Yes. This. I feel you and you have my deepest sympathies. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sit on the porch in my quilt-draped rocking chair and shout at kids to get off my lawn.

[shibalatte]

whatevr ill post my stupid baby bill poem nonsense on this app

i hold my son close to me. we just went to our first eye doctors appointment. his big round eye is closed as he sleeps. he clings to me as he naps in my arms. i look at the medication they gave me. the bottle doesnt even seem to have proper dosage. i sigh. ever since my son has started his diagnosis journey, i've worried for him. all the doctors flock around him when he starts looking up nobody has ever seen what he calls up, it perplexes the specialists, the teachers at school, his peers. and yet, i feel like there has to be someone who has there has to be more like him, correct? today's my baby billy's first day of second grade hes grown so big from when he was in his baseball sneakers. i measure him from angle to angle, hes grown somewhat taller. he beams. i walk him to school, he tells me about the stars once again. how they glitter and glow. i tell him that even if i can't see what hes talking about, i see him, and always will. he smiles with his eye i tell him he'll have his silly straws clean when he gets home billy has started telling me he can't see. i check his medication. they've upped his dose from 2 sips to 3. i yelled at the doctor for not even giving me a proper dose for him. they told me not to worry, that they know best. i dont believe them. i have stopped giving bill his "eye medication" it turns out that it wasnt helping him at all, the doctor who gave it to us was outed as a fraud he looks at me with that round eye and wonders why ive stopped i tell him he'll be safe this is billy and i's first appointment at a psychologist. billy looks at me with worry in his big round eye. he's never had to have an appointment where he has to talk about himself. i tell him he'll be safe and that i'll hold his hand through the whole thing. they were perplexed to say the least, but they were helpful they told us to come back for an assessment they said they might have the answer the psychologists have a diagnosis its a thing they dont know a lot about, hes the first one to be officially diagnosed the doctors want to name it after him but i insist they don't. i don't need my boy to be the center of his condition he looks at me in the car with fear. i tell him that everyone is still learning, even doctors. he smiles with his eye again . i make him a sandwich with the crust cut off when we come back, he beams years later, the diagnosis has been named silly straw syndrome its considered a neurological conditon that effects the way someone sees the world. people are still scared of my son when he looks up at the stars but we're getting somewhere, the world of shapes is making progress. bill brought home a friend im overjoyed, hes never had a friend over and for once, i see a kid other than my own look up at the stars with him! and i finally see that my son is understood! i tear up, my beautiful boy is finally understood by his peers. i dont have to worry. im at peace. my son will be ok in the world, there IS people like him! i cry, i sob. my son is finally finding a place. hes finally ok.

[loving-n0t-heyting]

At what point do we say that cassandra was right?

How much evidence is needed to justify a prophecy?

You (well, not you specifically, but left-wingers in general) say that the Krondstadt rebels were all "reactionaries" for fearing that the soviets would ruin the economy... but the soviets DID ruin the economy!

You (again, general "you") say the Rhodesians/Afrikaners were all "racists"for feating that Mugabe/Mandela would cause inflation and infrastructure collapse... but that all actually happened!

If the eventuality you were concerned about comes true, clearly you weren't just being unreasonably paranoid!

When can we say that these people were right?

by virtually all standard measures, stalin-era soviet modernisation initiated a meteoric economic rise in the regions governed by the ussr; its quite easy to find the rocketship-after-29 charts, its why the stalinists love to pull em out. the economic trajectory of revolutionary china is similar. this is all just common knowledge

describing the economic policies of robert mugabe and nelson mandela in the same breath is either dishonest or deeply ignorant; it is hard to imagine post-apartheid economic models more divergent than those of the zimbabwe dictatorship otoh and the anc post-94 oto. you should know this

questions about the mgmt of SA infrastructure services and systems (like, most notoriously, the electric grid) after 1994 are very complicated and fraught and im uncomfortable weighing in on the subtleties. comparing in rudimentary better-or-worse terms their record before and after political emancipation, however, is not a subtlety, which is why it always baffles me when its brought up. eskom (eg) could afford to be more "reliable" to its consumers before the early 90s bc at the time barely a third of the population had access to electricity. the details of the legacy of increased electricity accessibility since the end of apartheid are above my pay grade, but idt anyone disputes that eskom has managed to significantly increase coverage since blacks were recognised as real citizens. complaining about the "collapse" of south african electricity infrastructure after the imposition of political democracy makes sense, again, only if you just dont care about the great majority of south africans. it feels sort of ridiculous to even have to make this point, frankly, but ppl keep trotting it out!!

im done w this topic fn

[pinyeti]

overwhelming day today here's the debrief

I have two humongous final projects both worth half my grade due on Wednesday and im losing my mind AND I HAVE A PAPER DUE TOMORROW MORNING AT 8AM AND I HAV.E AMIDTERM TOMORROW AT 3.30Pn, my groups suck for both projects and THEY JUST

MY GOD

I DONT MIND DOING ALL THW WORK EXCEPT IM GENUINELY SO FUCKIN TIRED OF DOING ALL THE FUCKIN WORK ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND IM SO SICK OF IT AND IM SO FUCKIN SICK OF IT IM SO FUCIN TIRED OF DOING THIS ALL THE FUCKIN TIME

and I just

I have this friend who im kinda close too but she's curt with me sometimes and we are kinda rude to each other as a joke but she just

she's rude to me sometimes on purpose and I dont know why and I just feel like she hates me and won't tell me why and I JUST I do love her and it bothers me ig and Ive had alot of issues with this friend and every time I try to solve anything

yeah

and I am having a huge body image attack which isn't that deep but whatever and my brother wlel

he's got every mental illness on the planet and makes my life a living hell I get being mentally ill makes life difficult for you but YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO SEE THEM AS MORE THAN EXPLANATIONS FOR YOUR BEHAVIOUR RATHER THAN A FUCKIN EXCUSE?? IM NOT EXCUSING YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT ME T

pk

okay and then

today was another friends birthday and she was so

we made a whole birthday surprise thing for her and I went to alot of effort to do it and she just I invited her boyfriend and one of her other friend and she sprent the whole time talking to them and making it awkward for everyone else and I

she was like send pictures? and it just bothered me cuz she went out of her way to make it look like she hated them and if thats so then ill just not invite her to things??? cuz wth I do like my friends and this is really fuckin inconsiderate and we had karaoke but there was an issue with the mic and she was just

being really weird about ti and I felt kinda disrespected and she really doesnt fuckin care

and im so sick of this and

its like she just tolerates them for pictures and it was weird and idk

maybe I dont like her as much as I thought and maybe im the problem cuz I really tried to make it special for her and she just

she was just not having it and I tried so hard and I wish I didnt cuz I felt so stupid for caring about mics cuz when she left the rest of us were singing nd it wasn't awkward and clean up was fun even

and the thing with happened with the friend that was curt with me earlier she just we found out a guy we knew was spreading rumors about her sexuality ( his friend group did this to me first) so I asked her about it and she said yea that guy confessed to her and she told him she didnt like him like that but also that her and my other friend fought cuz this guy was being weird and I was BUSY BABYSITITNG MY FUCKIN GROUP AT THE TIME AND WE COULDNT PROPERLY TALK ABOUT IT so I called her when I got home and she got so weird and defensive about it like I was crazy and I just

I hate when she does this and I hate that I care about her more than she cares about me

in fact I know this is toxic as fuck and caring isnt measured on scales

bUT I HAVE THIS PROBLEM

I DO

I CARE TOO FUCKIN MUCH AND I WISH I COULD STOP AND I WISH I COULD EAT MY BRAIN UP CUZ IM SO SICK OF CARING OHMYGOD I WISH I COULD JSUT END MY FUC

OH AND

IM DOING 2 MURALS RIGHT

BUT MY IPAD CRASH LEFT ONE OHUGE FUCKIN MURAL GONE FOREVER

AND I DONT HAVE THE 720CM VERSION OF IT AND I HAVENT TOLD THEM YET AND

AND I HATE MY ART AND

I am president of a club and WE GOT OUR FUCKIN BUDGET REJECTED SO IM OUT A BUNCH OF MONEY FOR NO REASON AND IM SO SICK

I need a break

I need a break

[aepples]

listen here ok

idk if your sixth grade science teacher taught you this but she really should have

mine did and I'll never forget it but basically here's how to manufacture alcoholic beverages on a small scale

dont do this if ur a minor btw thats illegal and stuff

so first ur gonna need some shit ok

yeast. activedry or even instant will do. Big Yeast will try to tell you that you need special wine yeast but that's just a scheme to get you to buy more yeast.

water. if u dont have this u can prolly use Pepsi or smth but i havent tried it

strawberry hard candies. you can use any sugar source but i like to use these because they make what is undoubtedly the strongest shit ive ever had

a balloon. or a condom. or, if you're using a wide lipped container, a latex glove. youll see why ok

a container. preferably a cleaned out wine bottle but we're not gonna be picky here ok

hot glue and a gun. optional but preferable

a cork. you know why.

setp one

so first u take your grandma candies and dissolve them in water. you dont have to do it all the way but they won't fit through the lip of the bottle otherwise

setp two

take your wine bottle and get those candies and the water you dissolved them in into the bottle. then fill the bottle up to where it starts to taper in with warer.

sstep thre

pour in about a tablespoon of yeast. more if you're making a bigger batch. i usually eyeball it cuz im just good like that but ur gonna wanna measure it out ok

stepe for

cover the lip of the bottle with the palm of your hand so that a suction forms and shake the bottle. if it spills wine will ferment in ur carpet and then ur totally fucked so be careful with this step

spet five

pull a condom or balloon or something elastic that can stretch a lot over the lip of the bottle. theres a good reason ur not sealing it yet ok just trust

step six

find somewhere that people aren't going to go that will also not experience a lot of rainfall, because this shits gonna reek of alcohol in literal hours. i have a wine cellar in the swamp but ur gonna have to be creative . leave it there for about 2-3-4 weeks. dont open it. im so serious rn

sep 7

once uve WAITED. WAITED. because if you don't it will LITERALLY EXPLODEyou can open it. immediately after opening you have to cork it. just set the cork on the lip and shove it in ok. if it doesn't fit make it. im deadass rn istg. AND once you do that. hot glue over the cork and lip to form a seal. you can even put foil over it but we want this shit airlocked ok

and there u have it. a sealed bottle of wine. homemade. ez. you dont need an airlock even if they tell you do. its legit so easy

[mimeo-tan]

i dont know what my former measurements were because i hated thinking about it so much. i was constantly uncomfortable and stressed and ashamed and id avoid even acknowledging it when possible. on most days. though there were times when i didnt hate it and did measure that was like in grade 9 and i think that was smaller actually amd whyd i even remember that sort of thing from back then?

however a few months ago when everyone was measuring their tits we did check... maybe a recheck is due...

[sagemoderocklee]

How would you rearrange the kids' teams so they feel more balanced? I would love to hear your thoughts

honestly while i don't think the way kishimoto set up the teams works from a tactical standpoint, there's no reasonable way to rearrange them because there's such a lack of other characters and their personalities while not always compatible, they still work better together than they would with other characters

anyways this got long so its under a cut

like the first issue that rlly comes up is that as far as the kids from naruto's graduating class go, there are... nine????????? like i find it hard to believe that only 9 kids actually passed. i also find it hard to believe that their entire class is taught by one teacher. like even if we assume there's only ONE ninja academy in the entire village (which makes zero fucking sense and i don't hc that to be the case) no school only has one class for each grade unless you're maybe in like a small rural town which konoha isn't. even if there's a sort of rural aesthetic to parts of it, konoha is one of the five GREAT shinobi nations and according to the naruto wiki which i think pulls from data books, konoha's population is ranked as 5/5... that's a lot of fucking people. their military is ranked at 3/5. there's no explanation for what these numbers mean, what their measured against, and how they relate to each other, but i assume this is a numbers game ie: 5/5 means a higher population.

population must be somewhere in the high hundred-thousands (like 900k) or 1 million. and based on the militaristic nature of the shinobi villages, you have to assume that military fraction refers to how many of konohas citizenry are actually shinobi which would mean just over half the village is made up of shinobi. so how the fuck is there only one academy? and how the hell is there only ONE class in naruto's year? and HOW are there only 9 rookies in naruto's graduating class?

makes zero sense. so there has to be more kids who graduated that we never see, which means the limited skill set and personalities we have to work with to balance out teams could have been broader

obviously from a writing perspective, even with an ensemble cast, having too many characters to showcase is a challenge. you can easily bog down your story with too many characters (cough shippuden cough), but there's no reason he couldn't have broadened the scope a bit and just had some teams that were more tertiary to fill things out, AND maybe allow for a few more teams to be brought into the background. most of the characters already don't get a lot of screentime and the true main focuses within classic outside of team seven are the issues within the hyuuga clan and lee's story. team eight and team ten get far less focus than team gai overall within classic. ino and sakura's relationship is obviously given screen time, and hinata obviously gets her own screen time when she's useful to prop up naruto. shikamaru gets his moment too, but ultimately there's a lot of characters who are there but not really getting the chance to shine because they aren't useful to moving forward the plot or relevant to a character's arc.

my other problem with trying to rearrange the teams is i wouldn't break up ino-shika-cho because while i dont think their skills are balanced, the reason they're a team is because of their clans, and i think that's an interesting and necessary relationship (which should have been explored more in canon) to showcase and highlights some interesting political things that again went under explored.

but the problem is that our already small pool of individuals to make a team out of has dwindled to 6, and uh those six are... not very compatible teams personality wise (or even skill set wise).

like right off the bat you can't put someone like kiba and naruto together. they're both hot-headed and it will not go well. kiba needs to be with someone like shino cause he needs to be around someone with that kind of temperament. no one on team seven has that personality, and i think kiba would butt heads most with naruto and then with sasuke. i think he could potentially work with sakura, and though there would be some conflict with his personality and hers, i think they could actually get along and work together. i think she could also work with hinata.

i think shino is really adaptable and could probably work with anyone tbh. and i dont think hinata could be on a team with naruto for obvious reasons. i dont think sasuke would have the patience to be on a team with hinata, either.

so it's really a rock and a hard place trying to balance the teams because there's not a lot of characters so we lack diversity in both skills and personalities.

team 8 is all trackers with 2 out of 3 members being close range fighters. shino's bugs honestly make him the most adaptable of the team for other teams.

team 7 is made up of close range fights with minimal skill outside of that in the beginning--especially given how under utilized sakura being good at genjutsu ended up being. they do have some long range skills with sasuke's fire techniques, but again it's a limited range. i dont think naruto or sasuke could work well with other teams because of who they are. sakura is the most adaptable of the two of them in that sense, but her skill set is still ultimately very limited.

team 10 is made up of 2 long range fighters and one close range, but ino isn't meant for field work, she's meant for covert ops and intelligence. if she's in the field, someone HAS to watch over her body, which limits the team from three to two people. shikamaru is a long range fighter but his chakra stamina is so limited, and while he has close combat experience, if someone gets past his shadows its cause his chakra is depleted enough he can't utilize that technique which then means he's more likely to be open to attack. and chouji, whom i love and adore, is a close range fighter but he doesn't even wanna be a ninja. but ino is by far the least adaptable of all the rookie 9 like obviously she has hand-to-hand skills but if ino is in the field using her jutsu she needs to be watched. having a genjutsu user who could hide her would be a good option... or having someone good with clones, but god she could NOT work with naruto....

so all in all, it's a very difficult balance to strike because kishimoto didn't give himself good options. these teams dont make sense--and makes me question how a shinobi village even puts these things together cause you'd think theyd be better at this shit--but i dont actually know how to fix these issues without either drastically changing characters (skills and or personalities).

anyways im babbling now but yeah i just rlly don't like the options we have within the series and think you'd need a lot more characters or just a character makeover to rlly make teams that make sense tactically.

[peccatula]

saw a post earlier abt positivity for dropouts/ppl with bad grades/people who did Bad in school and i wish i knew where it went bc we really need some damn positivity. i never see it

so much shit in life is centered around good schooling and putting pressure on you to succeed in education so when you're like me and you peaked in third grade and dropped out of high school its. hard? took me a year to earn my GED and got far from a perfect score, i Barely passed some of them. i got told growing up that if i didnt get good grades and go to college and be Smart i wouldn't go anywhere despite the education system being anything but in my favor as an autistic kid. i still feel that way sometimes despite having gotten my ged because all it really gets me is retail jobs. i didnt do good enough to get college credits in anything im actually interested in (english was my only qualifying subject) and i dont have enough money to buy my way into college. it sucks. i'll say it plainly. i feel so much shame for not being able to go to college, like im missing out on a crucial part of young adulthood that "everyone goes through", but im coming to terms with it slowly.

but like....if you dropped out, if you had bad grades, etc. you are not beyond hope. its not easy, the world's not really built for us, but don't give up cuz you are still worth something. "intelligence" is not Solely measured in academic knowledge and even if you dont consider yourself intelligent at all i guarantee you put something on the table that others can't

[thecolorfulloko]

process of elimination

(calculator)

counted out of your equation and im feeling so let down from all the variables you proved im not allowed in your circumference not in any circumstance you move that decimal the chance i thought i had is less than zero solved for the X explained why i crossed the axis pushed your boundaries out of line im problematic textbook manipulative a toxic additive

press clear erase memory (2nd) (+) (7) (1) (2) point made im not functioning not in the least of value

no exception to the rule special characters disapprove there is no even to round to nowhere in this matrix near you

i missed all your context clues every wrong answer to choose its the kobayashi maru all i can do is lose

im not good at standardized tests i know its not rocket science am i being too discursive? would you like to save your progress?

before i fall in oblivion ill show my work from now on to prove im not too far gone

a good grade is long overdue if its at least probable

—————————————————-

(operator)

unremained dissociated personal feelings aside ive solved my problem finally all said and done please lose that number its now non operable please can keep your distance? lets not talk some more i tried your style but the chemistry is not there applied my method there is no reasonable doubt conclusive measurements a solid foundation open and shut case according to my research i was meant to rid of you

quit begging the question and start critical thinking pick a different strategy you need to learn your lesson

you're losing at your own game you're standing in your own way you're afraid of your own brain the only winning move is not to play

im going to need you out of the frame you have a need to complicate with you i have nothing to gain you and i are not the same

we dont share the same code im just being logical if i must be philosophical we're living in different worlds

there no room in this capsule my storage space is full

[dissociacrip]

So uh. How does one go about getting tested for Williams syndrome if they weren't tested for it as a baby because like...I have a lot of features (primarily neurological, intellectual, and behavioral, the rest of me aside from fat pockets in my spine and neck is fairly healthy aside from "obesity" but like...I'm fairly healthy) that are indicative of williams syndrome. I read about Williams syndrome in like 7th grade in a book about neurodevelopmental disabilities and music, and one of them was on Williams syndrome, and the way the author described the patients i fit every characteristic BUT the distinct facial features which kinda leads me to assume (medical special interest + slight hypochondriasis from it) that I have some sort of mosaic form of Williams, which isn't the first time I believed I had a disorder I feel like I need to test for but my mom would dismiss bc I'm being a hypochondriac (the other major one is nontypical congenital adrenal hypoplasia, which I have signs of to various degrees, such as obesity, early puberty, a rather blocky, apple shaped body type more typical of...not cis men but rather trans men on t and also a lot of trans women starting on estrogen, and I've had very little, thinning, often greasy hair since puberty, when before it was thick and wavy; think a kind of harry dubois kinda hairstyle with more hair on the scalp thankfully). Idk I just dont know if I should get tested for either two of these things (and I know if I do have ncah it would explain why my periods are so long, heavy, painful and disabling to the point I can't move and I have to take birth control) or if I should just let it go for now since I don't have any severe symptoms such as salt wasting (ncah) or heart disease (Williams syndrome) yet

there's no surefire way of getting dx'd with anything. my first pcp i got after leaving home acted like i was just drawing connections that weren't there when it came to my POTS and generalized joint hypermobility. i didn't rly continue my appointments with her after i was lucky enough that she referred me for a TTT after i sent her a highlighted list of my symptoms and asked for it directly.

i'm also someone who wonders abt smth like NCAH but i doubt i'd ever get evaluated for that and even then. something i said recently said a lot of people display little to no symptoms of it. i have relatively thick body hair, the vaguest hints of hirsutism, a voice that sounds almost pubescent (best i can describe it lol), and enough "masculine" features that people have gotten confused about my gender/called me a man/called me slurs over it on a routine basis since at least 3rd grade (and it had continued into college.) the last time my testosterone levels were measured they were within "normal" ranges for someone who was CAFAB though. that's not nearly as much reasoning as you might have but your best bet there is an endocrinologist. salt-wasting is a risk with CAH rather than NCAH because NCAH centers around reduced cortisol production and increased androgen production and doesn't impact aldosterone as much i think. treatment for NCAH usually centers around androgen levels and period regulation (as you said) in cases where people do have symptoms/need some kind of treatment. could bring up to your doc that you have concerns around hormones and ask for a referral to an endo or something but aside from that, 🤷🏻‍♀️

WS seems like something that usually wouldn't be missed in childhood so long as your mother's pregnancy and your growth and development were routinely (and responsibly) monitored by doctors (bc we know how doctors can be, and also parents). idk anything about WS though or any kind of genetic disorders like that. i would guess anything with a clear genetic marker like that is most accurately dx'd by a geneticist or through genetic testing, which is expensive/highly inaccessible, although apparently WS is usually identified at a young age through its cardiac symptoms. i'm def the wrong person to ask about that.

[dgreathinks]

Stop waiting and start being.

I started fully living my life when I stopped waiting. Stopped waiting for my parents to teach me how to drive, stopped waiting to graduate before I travel, stopped waiting for other people to go on that trip, stopped waiting on that glow up before I start liking myself. You are who you are at this moment in time and this will never happen again.

2. Your people are your people.

You can't make someone who doesn't want to stay, stay. And there's nothing you can do to push away the people that wants to stay with you. Be quirky, be clingy, send that double text, be straightforward, be cringe, talk A LOT, dont talk, be lowkey, dont be too vulnerable, be super vulnerable. It does not matter. Whoever's meant to stay will and whoever's meant to leave will.

3. Give as much chances as you can.

People will often tell you to stop giving people chances. They don't deserve it, they're making you look stupid, it's not worth it anymore. But if that's not how you feel, don't do it. Give people as much chances as you can, not because of them, but because of yourself. If you give up on someone or something that you really want to work out, you will regret it. Drain yourself out of those thoughts of possible regrets until you, yourself want to give up; only then will you be able to do so without feeling regretful.

4. Spend time with yourself.

If you genuinely enjoy doing things by yourself, you will rarely feel lonely. This also lets you pick and choose quality people.

5. Just write it down.

It doesn't matter if it makes sense, if your grammar is all over the place, if you don't think people will resonate with you, or if it's good. Just write it down.

6. Take more pictures.

Not taking pictures doesn't make you cool. It's okay to be sentimental, it's okay to take pictures of the most mundane things. Pictures are the only things you can hold on to for as long as you want.

7. Those first thoughts are okay.

You see a baby and you think it looks fucking ugly, then you feel bad so you rationalize it and tell yourself that it's just not your type of cute? That first thought is okay, we all have it. It's a matter of correcting those thoughts that matters.

8. You are not going on the same path as everyone else. No one is.

Now I know it's hard not to feel like you've been left behind, that you've failed, and that everyone else is better than you. Chances are people either don't care or are very supportive of what you decide to do in life. We all have different measures of success.

9. Everyone is too busy living their own lives and fighting their own battles.

Most of the time, people don't really care about you. That embarrassing thing that happened in seventh grade? Yeah, you're the only person that remembers that.

10. Let people in.

You do not lose a piece of yourself when you open up to someone and it doesn't work out. It is okay to let people in. It's okay to be vulnerable, not everyone wishes for your downfall.

11. Pick your battles.

The battle that I recently had to choose from was feeling left behind or feeling unfulfilled. I obviously chose feeling left behind as it's something I can live with, but feeling unfulfilled wasn't something I wanted to feel in my day to day life.

12. Life is art. Art is everywhere.

See the beauty in everything. Romanticize every single thing you lay your eyes on. Give everything or everyone a story.

13. Acknowledge your privilege.

Everything I wrote came from a place of privilege and I fully acknowledge that. I will not be able to live a life of peace if I fail to overcome the guilt that comes with the privilege I have, so I decided to use it to help more people instead. Entitlement is a no no.

14. Empathize.

[lcsklss]

i am gonna vent. if i know you irl, please dont interact with this or acknowledge this. in fact, no one needs to interact. im simply spewing shit from my brain

(this ended up being long, and it took me a good hour to type everything out, apologies)

tw: overall, shit body image, slight discussion of self-harm, crappy societal beauty standards that have haunted my existence

i brought up to one of my friends that i sorta forget i am a women, that when people look at me, they probably see an adult women, and that knowing that is very weird to me

i realized i have never told any of my college friends about this, about my body issues

i dont know exactly when it started, but probably with my grandfather

my moms father has always been a very intimidating man, he is loud, tall, says whatever he wants, is fairly curt. it is his way and nothing else

i remember my mom, brother, and myself drove down to CT to visit my grandparents. we sat at the table, i was across from my grammy, my mom and brother one on side, across from my grandfather

i remember i stood up, my grandfather watching me, and he said (around the lines of) "you have broad shoulders for a girl"

i dont know how old i was, i dont know why he felt the need to say it, but i think about that comment all the time

i remember i started getting self-conscious that i had some peach fuzz above my upper lip. i remember the first time i shaved it, i slightly cut myself. i remember my dad saying while he smiled (around the lines of), "trying to shave your mustache?"

i dont know how old i was, i dont know why he felt the need to say it. i still have a mark there. that cut has never gone away. i always have a reminder that i have to shave my upper lip.

then my body started to grow

grow larger then the other girls

i played soccer from first grade, to eighth grade. my the time eighth grade rolled around, i was doing modified girls soccer for my school and another indoor team in the winter.

i was always the largest

and the slowest

i remember, during practice for my indoor team, out coach made us do suicides. if you were the last one to complete them, you had to do it all over again

i was the last one

i remember crying, and trying to cover it up

i was so embarrassed, i hated myself so much in that moment

i was an athlete, i should be able to keep up with everybody else

but i couldnt

i remember when i was in PE, we were sitting against the walls of the gym

i sat down with other girls and we were talking about something (i cannot remember exactly what was happening, if conversation even happened, or if i was involved in the conversation)

another girl came over and started talking to the girls next to me

i remember she said (around the lines of) "ive heard that if your thighs touch, then that means youre fat. you should have a thigh gap"

she never directed it towards me, but she meant for me to hear it

i have never had a thigh gap

not even when i was freshly pushed out of my mom

i think about that everytime my legs chafe when im wearing shorts

im fat

my thighs should not look like this

im fat

when i was a kid, my school nurse was worried that i was at risk of childhood diabetes. but you can't diagnose someone with diabetes by just looking at them. i had to have my blood drawn. the nurse doing it did it wrong, missed the vein and proceeded to move the needle around in my arm.

all because a school nurse thought that i was at risk of childhood diabetes. by doing nothing but looking at me.

i have thought about cutting myself for as long as i can remember. i never have it would hurt too much and knowing myself i would accidentally die but i have urges to

it manifests itself usually when i can feel my stomach on my clothes. when i think too much about the stomach rolls that i know no one would find attractive. when i wear a bra and i know that there is a big roll right below the bra

you know when people measure flour, they take a kn!fe and get rid of any flour not in the measuring cup?

that is how i would do it

anything hanging out too far?

sliced off

the "love handles" sticking out too far?

diced up

i would have to grab paper towels, and apply pressure to make sure i dont bleed out

but then i could hand pick the tissue fat, leaving me skinnier

i would have to call 911 myself, but hopefully it would just scab over. and i could pick off the scabs

i wore, and still wear, many sweatshirts. it is the one place i dont have to think about my stomach.

in eighth grade i was wearing a sweatshirt. one of my friends (at the time) said "you wear sweatshirts because you dont want people to ?????" i cant remember her exact words. but i think it was "so people dont see your stomach" i always remember it as "so people dont see how fat you are" but i think thats me projecting

i dont sh. i pick at my nails often, and rip off skin on the pad of my thumb near the nail, but thats an anxiety thing

i eat three meals a day, even if i dont want to. i know i need to eat.

but then sometimes it feels too much

that if i eat too much for one meal then i need to balance it out and eat less for the next meal

i often think i have overindulged

i had two things of eggs, two hashbrowns, two small breakfast tacos, a waffle, and a muffin for breakfast today

that is simply too much

i should not have eaten that much

people are gonna think im fat for eating that much

they're gonna look at me and see myself how i see myself

they're gonna see the body rolls i desperately want to disappear

they're gonna look at the plates ive collected (3) and think thats too much for someone my size, but it makes sense that someone my size would have multiple plates

they're gonna look at me like im just another fat girl

on a scale of "twig" and "obese" im mid. i am the middle ground. i recognize that i am not as fat as other people, that i have curves in places some people dont have. that my breasts obviously exist, not as large as others. but i recognize im fatter then other people. people whom i view as pretty

other girls who are fat are pretty

other girls who are skinny are pretty

but i am not

i never will be

i remember a friend came to visit me in the summer. i wore a shirt that was a little more revealing then i normally wear (the v line was just a little lower). i stepped out of my room, and the first thing my dad says to me, "is that what youre wearing?" i dont exactly remember how i reacted. i think i got visibly frustrated. i turned around and went back into my room. i couldnt stop thinking about that comment.

"is that what youre wearing?"

why not? its hot outside. i want to stay cool.

do i look bad in it?

i started to overthink my appearance, stepping into view of my mirror, second guessing the shirt. then i got frustrated at my dad. why should i let him dictate what i wear or how i feel.

but it doesnt matter.

i changed my shirt.

i couldnt stop thinking about it. i couldnt stop thinking about my appearance. i couldnt stop feeling my stomach on my shirt. i couldnt stop the pit opening in my stomach, a wave of discomfort.

i stepped back out after i changed. "you didnt need to change".

yes i did.

the possibility that someone could find me attractive is,,, so abstract to me

i have almost been in two relationships.

i know its possible that someone can find me attractive. but its rare

the thought of someone seeing me as i am, seeing the belly rolls, the back rolls, the horrible farmers tan, the underarm skin, the belly stretch marks and breast stretch marks that have yet to fade

of someone touching that skin, that skin that no one has ever touched but me

but me when im trying to see what i would look like flatter and narrower

over the summer i wore a bikini top and shorts for the first time

and when i look back at the videos from that day, i am disgusted by how i look

i dont look cute, hot, or attractive in any sense of the word

i look like a box, i look chunky, i look awkward

i dont look like a woman. i have neck hair i constantly have to shave. i have peach fuzz to manage. i have sideburns that need to be put in check. i dont wear womanly clothes, i dont wear clothes that show off too much stomach, or chest, or arms and if i do, i wear either my black Bo Burnham sweatshirt or my maroon MCR sweatshirt.

when i am in a state of self-awareness, it manifests itself in a small wave of,, disgust?

its not nausea, its a pit in my stomach that opens itself up, its the sudden urge to take a kn!fe to my skin so i can finally stop feeling this way. its an all-encompassing feeling, as if something is covering me in a shroud of self-pity and disgust.

i dont have an eating disorder, nor do i self-harm

nor am i fat enough to be embraced by any sort of fat community. but im not skinny enough for people to not stare and think "oh shes so brave"

idk how to express this to people. the disgust i have for my body runs deep. the disgust does not feel justified because im not obese. people do not see what i see, they dont feel a pit open in my stomach when it expands and i can feel my shirt

[ninjaghostdev]

When is Normal Again.

Came across this post from one Alex Navarro

I'd been thinking to myself a lot about this.

March 17th 2020. That's when the schools shut down after spring break. My oldest started spring break excited to go back to class. Then she couldn't.

March 20th 2020. We were in full lock down mode, have to work from home.

Jan 17th, 2023: we're still working from home

--

I can't even properly describe to my young kids how weirdly.. unassuming life was only 3 years ago today.

I look back on videos and photos, and I see essentially a completely different world than what's out there today.

Things that have come back to normal… are different now.

(For context, my oldest was in Grade 1 on Spring Break when her world got flipped upside down. My youngest was only 2 years old. Her entire conscious life has been under this pandemic, and her whole world is dominated by the environment and society it's created in the aftermath.)

My oldest got to enjoy making some early memories out and about with people she loved, doing adventures on the sky train, going to malls, indoor playgrounds, fairs, and school events. Some loved ones, by the way, who are no longer with us by the time my province started relaxing measures, and who never got to see the other side of covid measures.

We try to do a bunch of the things we used to do, but the vibe is completely different now. Pre-sign up to an indoor playground because now they limit slots to like 20? Pre-Schedule going to the swimming pool? The malls are.. effectively gutted and sad now, not much in them survived.

What's worse, my oldest used to enjoy going to extracurricular classes like cooking, art, dance, etc Nowadays she's lucky to get into swimming lessons. Everything else gets canceled on her due to "lack of interest" because no one is sending their kids to these things anymore.

My youngest by the grace of whatever deity has been able to enjoy some ballet classes.

My oldest however misses all these activities she used to be able to do. Her excitement to show us the new thing she baked. Her genuine enthusiasm over bringing home a new painting or paper craft. It's been almost 3 years since she's last been able to enjoy these.

My own world with my own interests has changed rapidly too. I dont want or need a lot. A computer, primarily. Some basic stuff like DnD rule books and such. I even got into firearms ownership as a Canadian, but even there I didn't seek much, just some basics.

But of course, thanks to the supply chain and production issues, it's made everything i'm apart of a scalpers paradise. I've been finding a lot less joy in these things. Mostly because I just want to forget anything better than what I have might be out there, because it's become to damn unattainable at this point, it might as well be.

And then the inflation hit. Now my family and I no longer live comfortably. In just a couple short years, i've gone from a life of, honestly comfortable plenty, to a life where im back living paycheck to paycheck. I didn't leave my employer, in fact i've been there 9 years this March. Im not making less, in fact i've never made more in my life. The rapid inflation, new installation of poorly timed taxes, and strained production rising prices across the board for just about everything..

I don't know, man.

It's been downright depressing watching my world, my country, and my province deteriorate into shittiness around me, and stay that way or get worse. Yeah I know there's people out there who have it far worse than me, but im allowed to feel this way too.

I wonder.

I really do wonder.

If I'll ever see a day again where I can wake up, take a nice breath, and go "Yeah, ok, this is close enough to the way things felt in October of 2019."