#we do is to learn they died young in some manner (ex Time. The Link before Hyrule. First.

[summertimemusician]

Linktober (Shadow) 2023

Spirit

Welp turns out my exam season throughly steam rolled through my general Linktober plans, so you get this VERY late thing for now folks who find this, at least until I decide whether to continue this until I finish it even though it's no longer Linktober or if I'll make whatever other stories come later their own thing after exam season is over (mostly because the original for this one is my preferred draft, and that I feel the one for the Link/Dark Link prompt would be kind of wasted if it just sat there collecting dust cause I worked hard on the tension and horror there lord darn it, along with a few others mainly involving Fae Hyrule, Twilight, Time, First, among other Links like Legend, Sky, Warriors, just all of the boys, I wanted to give them all proper spotlight and still want to do that in any way I can). Welp. *Downs coffee like a shot* Also really need to find out how to make a Masterlist on mobile, figure out how AO3 works and answer asks.

Anyway, not really any warnings this time besides Reader Not Being Okay (par the course really) and angst.

As always can be read as either romantic or platonic, Reader is gender neutral on purpose, technically is meant to be read as either Hero's Shade Time x Reader or First x Reader mainly, but you can interpret it as any Link really lol

Good reading!

This corner of Faron Woods was quiet this time of year.

The woods were solemn in this Hyrule, the sliver of moonlight barely enough of a guide through the mist, it was silent but for the soft padding of animals through the underbrush and the howl of a wolf in the distance (not Wolfie's, not musical enough). The stars were your only company as you were separated from the group, the air was cold agaisnt your skin as you attempted to find your way.

Being alone in the forests of Hyrule never spelled anything good for anyone, but as you felt the brush of a hand tenderly twined in yours, the ghost of leather and the faint clinking of steel, and a faint glow of pale gold and ivory cutting through the veil of the night, mindful of roots you may trip onto and never flickering too far out of sight you couldn't feel safer, even  if instead something like melancholy threatened to lock your throat with the chains of silence, you felt as warm as the soft twilight glow and as frigid as ice, frostburned with the bitter cold of your own warring emotions.

You can't help but chuckle a bit whille holding a old scabbard close to your heart, it's a wry sound, "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

There is no answer, of course there isn't, but you don't mind, you know he'll listen, thorns wrap around your heart and crawl up your throat, the smell of lilies and steel coats and sticks in your throat like honey, or maybe blood, "... I didn't think you'd show up, you know? I always considered the possibility but..." You trail off, you feel something brush your side, you can only see him in the corner of your eyes or with a passing glance, there but not, existing but gone, so you keep your eyes on the road and in the flicker of light, so you carefully don't look to your side, you don't think you could contain the shaking in your heart otherwise, to stare at inevitability and prophecy, "... I know, I know you're fine. At least for now, I apologize for all the trouble I gave you."

'It's alright. It could never be a hardship aiding you.', the voice echoes in your ears, and you swallow thickly, breath hitching, the warmth of the sun in the fields of Hyrule, the wind caressing your hair, the song of the animals in Faron Woods, someone holding you carefully, fondly. The warmth of your hand in his. Not really here, but not gone either, more feeling than true echo.

You chuckle, and try to pretend it's not a bit breathless, something like a wounded keen, "... You're too kind. Too, too kind, thank you."

Spirits in Hyrule never spell anything good, in this wild land of light and shadow in a gestalt of divinity. There are some exceptions though, even if it hurts to witness then. So you follow him through the dark, certain that as you've guided his way once, he'll lead you now to where you need to go.

----------------------------------------------------------

... The clearing he leads you to is open, but by no means truly quiet among the trees, there is no peace to be found for the armored skeleton here. You choke on sorrow, on unfinished business, on the cruelty of being brought to ruin and being denied peace, and you stumble towards the familiar figure, almost in a trance as your vision blurs, roots and thorny vines wrap over rusted armor and a thorn cape, the skeleton's void sockets piercing through your soul, illuminated by the solemn gaze of the wretched moon and it's uncaring maids of honor in the stars.

You fall to your knees near the decaying skeleton, biting back against the wounded sound that attempts to leave your throat with enough strenght to bleed, you lay the scabbard by his side with a bouquet of lilies and shiver at the gentle, phantom touch, so soft, so loving it almost leads you to ruin all over again.

'... It's foolish to grieve for someone who isn't gone yet.' the thought comes to you, yet you can't help it. You still hurt for him, you still hold onto the fury at the heavens themselves for denying them quietus. For denying them rest over and over and over again. To watch this cycle and be helpless to stop it all due to the will of uncaring gods.

Alive. Dead. Alive. Dead. Denied full rest over and over again, to watch the chance at rest to the kindest of souls found in this world you found yourself in.

You barely register the touch to your cheek, ephemeral as it is, as you can't help but shed tears, can't help but grieve. Because if you don't, who will?

You know by now that some wounds can never heal, some rifts can never be mended. Even with the guarantee of cyclic, eternal rebirth, some things never return to how they were. And reminding yourself of this inevitability to them will never not hurt, even if you know it's futile to blame anyone but the one god who started this, and maybe the goddess who stood complacent to it. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth that it'll one day come to this, that the frost of death and the sharpness of pain will leave a mark the sands of time can't scar over.

You reach a trembling hand towards the one in your cheek, try to find catharsis in the remains of decayed, dead yet ever eternal, ever growing love. And you breathe.

'We'll meet again. So do not mourn for me, please.'

You don't think you could deny him if you tried. Not when you know he's trying to soothe you, to thaw your sorrow. To allow your heart's healing to fallow.

"We will, I know. I'm sorry for making you worry." You chuckle, leaning into the cold, trying to brand the memory of the shadowed, but not gone love given to you so you can return it in kind. Just until you meet again, just until you can give all you can to his not yet decomposing self, grasping onto what remains of him, "I love you."

'I love you too. Until we meet again.'

The cold is gone, the echo of love leaves. And you breathe, and pretend you don't feel empty.

(When you see Link again, reuniting with the Chain on the next day's twilight. You hug him as tight as you can, and hope you he doesn't notice the tears in your eyes. And that you don't feel the lingering traces of a frigid embrace.

When no one is looking, you wave goodbye to the shade. And pray he dreams of warmer days until he finds quietus.)

[idiotchosen]

AHAHAHAHA I’m sickfic trash, so I did another sick Zelos fic. Sorry Zelos. Maybe next time it’ll be Lloyd’s turn?

AO3 Link

Prompt: Working Through the Cold

Rating: T

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia

Pairing: Zelos/Lloyd

Warnings: N/A

Words: 3965

Even at the best of times, Zelos had never been a big fan of parties. At least, not the way they were done in Meltokio. There was something so suffocating about them, between the customs that needed to be followed, the stuffy outfits that needed to be worn, and the meaningless conversations that needed to be had. They were an amplification of everything Zelos hated about living in high society. 

Unfortunately, as the Chosen, he was given very few opportunities to refuse to attend, especially when the party was being held in his name. For as long as he could remember, his birthday had always been one of the most lavish events of the year, on par with celebrations held for royalty. The festivities would last long into the night, not ending until pleasantries had been exchanged with each of the countless guests (all of whom Zelos was expected to know by name). 

Even after the worlds had been reunited and the Chosen system abolished, the fact remained that he was an important figure in Tethe'allan society– perhaps even more so, now that he was one of the heroes that had helped save everyone from Mithos Yggdrasill. Zelos had been able to escape some of the pressure by joining Lloyd on his journey for exspheres, but he wasn’t naive enough to believe he had escaped his responsibilities as nobility. 

Which was why, when he received a letter inviting him to his own 23rd birthday party, he wasn’t surprised in the least.

At first, Zelos had expected Lloyd to help him refuse. The two of them didn’t have a lot of free time, and he knew Lloyd had little to no interest in such things after seeing how uncomfortable he had been at the Princess’s dinner party. So he mentioned it offhandedly a few days after the letter came, assuming that would be the end of it.

He still had a lot to learn about Lloyd Irving’s thought processes.

“I didn’t know your birthday was coming up,” he had replied. “We aren’t too far from Meltokio, so why not go? Taking a break for a night might not be a bad idea.”

Well. So much for that plan.

As far as everyone else knew, Zelos loved parties. Lloyd was probably just being considerate by agreeing to go. Zelos was sure that if he admitted that he didn’t want to go, Lloyd would help him come up with an excuse not to, no questions asked. But then, he realized, Lloyd would figure out he had been lying, which would only open him up to more questions. And being interrogated by Lloyd would be far worse than dealing with the upper crust of Meltokio for the night.

Which was why he found himself back at his mansion the next night, the day before the party was to take place. After greeting Seles and Sebastian, who had both been watching his home in his absence, he was quick to retire to his room for the night. It was late, and they had been traveling since early that morning, so Zelos was completely exhausted. His head was starting to ache, and despite his normal insomnia, he found himself in a restless sleep mere minutes after collapsing into his bed. He would think about the party when he woke up. For now, at least, he could rest.

_______________

It was Lloyd, as always, who woke him up the next morning. Zelos would never understand how the boy could get out of bed when the sun was barely up, let alone have so much energy as he did so. Upon hearing Lloyd call his name and shake him gently by the shoulder, he groaned and rolled to the other side of the bed. His head was already pounding, and the last thing he needed was to face the sunlight streaming in through the open curtains. 

“Five more minutes,” he muttered into his pillow, realizing as he did so how raw his throat felt. He assumed he just needed a glass of water, but he couldn’t remember whether it was usually that bad in the mornings. He tried clearing his throat, but it had little effect.

“Not today!” Lloyd grinned. “Sebastian sent me to wake you up. He said if we don’t start now, we won’t be ready in time for the party.”

Right. The party.

Zelos was going to protest again, but he was cut off by a sudden, overpowering tickle in his nose, followed by a muffled sneeze into his pillow. It didn’t give him much relief, though, and he sneezed again moments later, followed by a quick cough in another attempt to clear his throat.

Oh, no. No, this was not happening. Not today.

Lloyd furrowed his brow, and reached for Zelos’s shoulder again in an attempt to get a better look at him. “Zelos? Are you–”

“I’m fine, Lloyd.” Reluctantly he sat up, and cast his friend a smile. He couldn’t help but notice a note of congestion in his voice, and he was sure Lloyd picked up on it too. “Come on, let’s go.” Lloyd only narrowed his eyes more at this, and without saying a word, he pressed his hand against Zelos’s forehead.

“You’re a little warm,” he stated. “Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe we should ask them to push the party back a few days.”

“That’s really not how it works, Lloyd. They plan this stuff months in advance. This isn’t some small get-together between friends.” Zelos sniffed, the itch in his nose refusing to disappear. “Anyways, I’m fine. You worry way too much.”

Lloyd looked like he wanted to say something else, but closed his mouth at the last second. “If you’re sure…”

“Hunny, I’m sure. Now come on, we shouldn’t keep Sebastian waiting.” He winked. “The sooner I get to see you all dressed up, the better I’ll feel.” Lloyd rolled his eyes, but seemed to relent, moving out of Zelos’s way so he could climb out of bed. 

_______________

The next few hours went by in a flurry of activity. Neither Zelos nor Lloyd had a second to themselves as countless maids fussed over their appearances, making absolutely sure they were up to the standards of high Tethe'allan society. Lloyd, though seemingly overwhelmed by all the attention, was doing his best to keep up. Zelos would have found it endearing, if he wasn’t so preoccupied by how much his head hurt. His nose wasn’t doing much better, but with so many people around him, he refused to do anything about it, aside from the occasional sniffle to keep it from running. It was only through sheer willpower that he hadn’t sneezed all over some poor maid, but even so, he was reaching his limit. He was really starting to regret agreeing to attend this party.

Zelos had hoped he would get at least a few minutes between the preparations and the start of the party, but only moments after the finishing touches were put on his braided hair, he was whisked away to the castle, where people were already starting to file in. On the walk over, he let himself stifle two sneezes into the crook of his elbow, careful not to dirty his suit jacket too much. He had a feeling, though, that it wouldn’t matter by the end of the night, as he had already caught himself wiping his nose on the back of his gloved hand without thinking. Lloyd cast him a worried glance as the entered the ballroom, but had no time to say anything before Zelos was surrounded by a crowd of admirers.

“Oh my, Chosen, it’s been quite some time. I’ve been getting lonely, you know~”

“Master Zelos, is it true that you’ve been out traveling with some Sylvarant boy?”

“Chosen One, I trust you’ll save a dance for me tonight?”

“Chosen–”

Zelos spoke over the crowd in as loud of a voice as his sore throat could manage. “Now, now, my darling kittens, the night is still young. We’ll have plenty of time to catch up, so there’s no need to rush.” He winked. “My greatest desire is that you all enjoy yourselves to your heart’s content.” It had been so long since he had needed to speak in that manner that even Zelos was surprised at how easily the words flowed from his mouth. Even when he wasn’t feeling his best, it seemed, old habits died hard. Still, the words seemed to have the desired effect, and the crowd thinned just enough for Zelos to take Lloyd by the hand and pull him through.

“You’re as popular as ever,” Lloyd muttered as soon as they were out of earshot. Zelos shrugged.

“I don’t know what you were expecting, Hunny, but I am a pretty big deal around these parts.” He sniffed. “I’ve been gone a while, too. They’re probably not too happy about that.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? You don’t sound very excited.” Shit. Why was Lloyd only now seeing through him, when it was far too late to back out? For a moment, Zelos contemplated coming clean, admitting how much he hadn’t wanted to come. He knew that if he told Lloyd how exhausted he was, both from nerves and the head cold that was getting harder and harder to deny, that would be the end of it. Lloyd would be more than happy to help him make a break for it.

And that was exactly why he couldn’t say anything.

If there was anything worse than dealing with nobility, Zelos knew from experience, it was dealing with nobility that felt as though they had been slighted. All of Meltokio’s biggest names had gathered with the expectation that they would be meeting with the ex-Chosen, and if they didn’t get what they came for? Well. There would be hell to pay, and it would be far worse than spending the night pretending to flirt while pushing through a cold. 

So Zelos said nothing, only planting a quick kiss on Lloyd’s forehead. “For the last time, Hunny, I’m fine. Stop worrying about me and go enjoy yourself.”

“But–”

“Lloyd.” Zelos was done arguing. He really didn’t have the energy for it. “I’ll meet up with you in a little while, okay? People will get angry if I don’t start making the rounds soon.” He smiled, his first genuine smile of the night. “I’ll save the last dance for you, if you’ll take it." 

After a moment, Lloyd smiled back. "Only if you show me how to dance before that." 

"Of course. Be grateful, country boy, you’ll be learning from the best of the best." 

"Okay, okay.” Lloyd laughed. “I’ll be waiting for you, then.”

“Deal.” And with one more wave of his hand, Zelos disappeared into the crowd. It was only a matter of moments before he was stopped again, though, and if he thought he could sigh without being labeled as impolite, he would have. It was going to be a long night.

______________

Zelos wasn’t sure how much time had passed, or how many women he had been forced to dance with. His head was caught up in a permanent fog, and thanks to all his sniffling, he had lost the ability to breathe through his nose a long time ago. He was sweating underneath the multiple layers he had been forced to wear, and he was fairly certain that he had a slight fever. If the other party guests had noticed his illness, however, they had either been too afraid or too polite to say anything, even on the few occasions where he had needed to stifle a sneeze in front of them. He hadn’t had the time to meet up with Lloyd yet, and he hoped the boy wasn’t having too much trouble fitting in. 

Still, for the first few hours of the event, Zelos thought he did a good job of holding himself together. He was even starting to think he might make it through without any problems.

Then she walked up.

“Oh, Master Zelos, I’ve been looking all over for you,” she purred, taking him by the hand and curtsying. Zelos didn’t even register her words at first, as he was entirely distracted by something else about her. Namely, the awful perfume she was wearing. He wasn’t sure how the scent managed to bypass whatever was keeping his nose so clogged, but it had an immediate effect on him. He felt his nose twitch just a bit, the tingling he had been trying the whole night to suppress coming back all at once at full force.

Still, though, he attempted to play it cool. “A-ah, yes, if it isn’t my beautiful Henrietta,” he said, putting everything he had into keeping a straight face. He wasn’t sure it was working. “I must say, you grow more gorgeous every time I– Ah…” Zelos felt his breath hitch. This was really not good. At this rate, he was going to–

“Master Zelos?”

“I-ah-I’ll be right back,” he said quickly, before running off. Normally he would have been more formal about it, but he did not have the time for that. He would deal with the consequences later. At that moment, all he needed to do was go somewhere he wouldn’t be seen. He dashed through the ballroom, either not noticing or not caring about the stares and whispers he was getting. As soon as he was out of the room, he saw a bathroom a few doors down the hall. It wasn’t ideal, but it would have to do.

Zelos barely made it to the sink before the first sneeze tumbled out. It was followed by another, and another, until he lost count. Each one made him pitch forward, and it only took a few before he had to keep a hand on the sink for support. It should have felt good, to finally let out what he had been holding in all day, but more than anything, he was just tired. He was vaguely aware of how much he was soaking his glove, but all he could really focus on was that tickle that never seemed to go away, no matter how much he kept sneezing. It was like his body was making up for the time he had lost during the day, while also making it ten times worse. If nothing else, though, he was glad that he had made it somewhere private before–

“So much for being fine." 

Shit.

Zelos knew that voice all too well. It belonged to the absolute last person he wanted seeing him like this. He struggled to catch his breath as quickly as possible, rubbed desperately at his nose in an attempt to get it to stop, and, finally, found the strength to look up at his obviously concerned lover.

"Dunno– ah– what you’re talking about, Hun. I am completely, one hundred percent fi- achoo!” One last sneeze escaped at the last second, making him double back over. His chest was really starting to burn. Lloyd crossed his arms.

“Maybe when you can say that without sneezing I’ll believe you.” His tone was harsh, but his eyes were soft with concern. Before Zelos had a chance to move out of the way, he felt Lloyd’s forehead bump against his own. “Yeah, you’re even warmer than this morning. I knew I should have made you stay in bed…”

“You might not want to get so close,” Zelos muttered. “Idiot.” Lloyd turned bright red, and pulled away.

“What else was I supposed to do? I can’t check for a fever with my hands if I’m wearing gloves!”

Zelos couldn’t help but laugh at this. “You do know gloves are removable, right?”

“Shut up. You’re trying to change the subject." 

"And you’re overreacting. It’s just a cold, Lloyd, I won’t die if I push through it for one night.”

“Well, yeah, but…” Lloyd sighed. “You know I hate it when you pretend there’s nothing wrong. I wouldn’t worry so much if you didn’t give me reason to." 

"Lloyd, I–” Zelos wanted to respond, but his nose clearly disagreed, as he was forced into yet another sneezing fit. He was starting to feel dizzy, and he knew that wasn’t a good sign, but he also didn’t want Lloyd to be right. There was a fine line between concern and pity, and as always, Lloyd was coming dangerously close to crossing it.

When his fit finally subsided, Zelos looked back up at Lloyd, who only shook his head.

“Yeah. There’s no way you’re going back out there looking like that.” He crossed the bathroom, grabbed some toilet paper, and thrust it towards Zelos. “Blow.” Only then did Zelos notice how much his nose was running, and he gladly accepted what Lloyd was giving him. Blowing his nose didn’t actually accomplish much, but he was able to wipe himself clean for the first time that night, which made him feel a little less disgusting. 

“Does that mean you’ll let me go back out there if I don’t look gross?” What Zelos really wanted was to go back to his mansion and sleep, not waking up until this miserable cold had subsided. He wasn’t sure anymore why he was so insistent on staying– word was going to spread quickly about how he had run out of his own party, in the middle of a conversation no less. The damage to his reputation had already been done.

Lloyd sighed. “I’d really rather you didn’t, but we are here to celebrate your birthday. That only comes once a year, right? If you think you can make it without ending up like this again, I won’t stop you.” He paused, his gaze shifting down to his feet. “Besides, you haven’t taught me how to dance yet,” he muttered. Zelos stared at him for a moment, and broke out into a grin.

“Fortunately, I think I have one last dance left in me.” He released his grip on the sink, and took Lloyd’s hand. “I’ll even do my best not to sneeze on you.”

Lloyd rolled his eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Now come on. Let’s go show those nobles what a real dance between lovers looks like.” Lloyd’s face turned bright red. 

“D-do you really want to be so open about it? Won’t all those girls get mad?”

“Oh please, Lloyd. They won’t be the first hearts I’ve broken.” He pulled Lloyd’s hand up to his lips and gave it a light kiss. “Besides, they’re going to find out sooner or later. Why not give them a show while we’re at it?” Zelos pulled Lloyd towards the door. “Come on, let’s go." 

It took them a few minutes to get back into the ballroom, with Zelos being stopped every few feet by his admirers, but after handing out several polite refusals, they finally made it. The whispers began as soon as they set foot in the room. Most were about how the Chosen had a lot of nerve, abandoning such a fine young lady, but a few were already starting to make comments about the man he was still holding hands with. Zelos didn’t seem to pay them any mind, though, and didn’t stop walking until they had reached the very center of the dance floor. When he knew most of the room had their eyes on him, he spun Lloyd around and grabbed his shoulder with his free hand, pulling him closer. 

"Just follow my lead,” he whispered. “Don’t worry about messing up, just follow the music.” Lloyd nodded, and wrapped his arms around Zelos’s neck. He stumbled a bit at first, but after a few measures of the song, the two of them seemed to find a rhythm. Zelos wasn’t paying attention to how much his head hurt, or the other guests’ critical gazes. All he saw was the boy in front of him, doing his best to keep up in a world he knew nothing about. The boy he wouldn’t trade for anyone in the world, who wasn’t afraid to show how much he cared. 

The final note of the song echoed through the hall, and there was a very brief silence. By then the whole room was watching their dance, disbelief evident in their eyes. The Chosen, known flirt and lover of all women, dancing with another man, who wasn’t even close to royalty? It was unheard of. Even those who spent all their time gossiping, at that moment, had nothing to say, holding their breath as they waited for Zelos’s next move.

The whispers and shocked gasps began anew when he pressed his lips against Lloyd’s. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was enough. “That should keep them entertained for the night,” Zelos whispered, grinning ear to ear. “C'mon, let’s get out of here.” Not letting go of Lloyd’s hand, he gave a dramatic wave to all the onlookers and used the last of his limited energy to dash out of the room, his (still very stunned) lover in tow. People called for him to stop, but he ignored them entirely. They were followed all the way out of the castle, and up to the doors of his mansion. Even after the doors were tightly shut and locked behind them, the sounds of the crowd were still audible.

Zelos collapsed onto the couch, panting. He had made it back home thanks to pure adrenaline, but now that the moment had passed, he was once again becoming increasingly aware of how ill he still felt. Still, he didn’t regret what he had done a single bit. He sniffed, and smiled up at Lloyd.

“Maybe we should stay in bed tomorrow.” He paused, the screams of his fans still ringing in his ears. “Maybe for the next few days, actually. They’re gonna need a chance to calm down.” His sentence was punctuated by a sneeze, and he shivered, suddenly feeling chilly despite how uncomfortably warm he had been only moments before. Lloyd laughed and shook his head. He grabbed a blanket that had been hanging off of a nearby chair, wrapping it around Zelos’s shoulders.

“I was thinking the exact same thing.”

_______________

Lloyd sniffed, and coughed weakly into his elbow, before shooting another glare at Zelos, who laid next to him. Zelos put his hands up in self defense.

“Hey, what’s that look for? I said I was sorry.”

Lloyd shook his head and groaned. “I still can’t believe I let you kiss me while you were sick. I must be an idiot.”

Zelos tried to laugh, but found himself coughing instead. “It’s okay, Hunny, I didn’t fall in love with you for your brains.”

“Don’t act like you’re any better, running around with a fever like that. It wouldn’t have gotten so bad if you just stayed in bed in the first place.”

“Heh, maybe you’re right.” Zelos closed his eyes. “Still don’t regret it, though.”

“Easy for you to say. You were already sick. I could have avoided this.” Lloyd sneezed into his pillow, and groaned again. “This sucks…”

Zelos shrugged. “Hey, look on the bright side. When was the last time we got to relax like this?” He rolled over and lazily threw an arm over Lloyd. “I, for one, think we should get sick more often.”

“You’d better be joking.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. Too soon.”

“Idiot…” Lloyd found himself smiling in spite of himself. “When we get better, we should celebrate your birthday again. Just the two of us.”

Zelos smiled back, not with a dumb grin like before, but with a genuine smile. “Yeah. I’d like that.” Without opening his eyes, he maneuvered his hand around the bed until he found Lloyd’s hand. “I’d like that a lot.”

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 3x05 recap

Aka the one where all my sons are idiots and all my daughters are precious angels who deserve all the hugs.

Late again, because when am I not? Again, I blame the travelling.

So I’m kinda intrigued by this pair; the bleeding, accented woman and the young guy with an American accent in what seems to be a  super-dingy bathroom? What is going on here??

Patterson has been doing some fancy analysing of the adoption records and yeppp, Jane definitely had a kid. And ugh Patterson is so sweet and gentle about it and has done so much research so she could give Jane ALL the info and Jane is just Not Dealing. But hmmm Patterson tells her there’s no way to test if she’s had a child and lbr that’s not exactly true? A good ObGyn could generally tell just by looking at the cervix. Not a perfect measure, but it’s definitely an option. But anyhow Jane is too busy flipping out anyway, and ugh she mentions the Taylor Shaw thing and already having everything ripped away from her multiple times and man my heart just hurts for her rn. And Weller’s so at a loss for what to do or how to comfort her ugh my poor babies

Lol Reade and Zapata and their little Wizardville rivalry is super cute. And then she’s completely open with him and asks him directly about the State Department Guy thing and wow Reade just harshly shuts her down. I’m glad Patterson interrupts this little moment because it was definitely going nowhere good. But speaking of things that ARE good,  omg I love her pun about the ‘backbone’ of the case and Weller being all killjoy about it haha. That’s right, honey, just ignore him. Your humour is too good for him anyway. And so anyhow the tatt leads to a NYPD evidence log number, though Zapata notes that the code is different to what the NYPD uses now, and Reade gets super snarky at her for it. Geez son, learn some manners! Patterson backs Zapata up tho (yaaassss my girls), showing that the code is like 20 years old. Jeller go to check out the warehouse it points to while Zapata is given paperwork by Reade (wow, petty), though tbh Zapata ends up with the better deal since Jeller have to fight some bad guys and literally put out a fire. Ugh the way Jane yells for him as she tries to fight the fire alone-- it’s only when its the two of them together that they manage to extinguish it. Symbolism, much? Patterson calls right at that moment to warn them to get out, and it’s a little late, but well, it’s the thought that counts haha. Other warehouses have been burned, which means someone is trying super hard to destroy evidence but doesn’t know where it is. Jane, because she’s amazing, finds the box they nee-- and in it is a whole bunch of untested rape kits going back 20 years. I love the conversation the guys have about the low priority assigned to sexual assault testing-- it’s some good commentary from the writers about the state of the real world. 

Meanwhile, Stuart’s phone has been found in the river, and both Patterson and Zapata are very suspicious of the way Reade basically tells her to leave it alone. Looking super suss rn, bro, and I do not like it at allll.

However, I really DO like listening to Jane speak in other languages. So damn cool. And as someone who is currently staying in a foreign country and communicating solely in the local tongue, I have a renewed respect for her fluency lol.  Their Russian suspect conveniently elects to speak English though haha. How handy. He’s a bit of a tough guy but through a sneaky move on Jeller’s part, he gives them the info they need-- how he got paid, which gives them a lead on the people hiring him. Patterson also drops another pun, which is three so far this ep and I’m so proud. She also figures out that the the victim was likely linked to Kazarus, which as far as I’m aware is a fake place though tbh my geography is not super great. But anyhow, that narrows their search to two sexual assault survivors. 

And then aww Patterson pulls Weller aside and tries to support him about the whole surprise-kid thing, and ugh she’s just so sweet and wants to help both him and Jane as best she can. But he’s upset bc he knows he can’t fix this; no one can. I guess it all just takes time, right? Meanwhile Jane’s in the locker room, getting a call from Roman, and dude he really knew the whole time??  And ugh if she was sixteen when she had the baby (to her high school sweetheart aww) then he was probably about 14 at the time, just a kid himself who had suddenly become an uncle, and man I’m so sad for them both?? But lol she gets to the bullpen and covers the phone while practically yelling for them to trace the call. Not super subtle, Jane. And he tells her she initially fought Shepherd on giving the baby away and then she just ran away? I’m confused.  I guess we now understand a bit more about why Remi joined the army though I guess. Not sure how she ever went back to working for Shepherd, though, but maybe she saw the memory wipe as a way out? And Beardy was meant to fill her in on everything including the kid.  Idk. Jane’s now having a small breakdown in the locker room and decides she has to go see Shepherd, but Weller’s right when he says that Shepherd would just mess with her head. Don’t give her the satisfaction, Jane! And oh look, a mention of Bethany, haven’t had one of those in a while. And tbh that’s the way I like it, show, so keep ignoring her existence please haha.

In the lab, Patterson admits defeat about Stuart’s phone-- it’s as dead as he is. (Too soon??) But Zapata didn’t spend all that time at the CIA without gaining a few skills in the realms of deception and deviousness, and so they hatch a plan to bluff and lure out the possible mole. And then a lab tech in a headscarf calls them to see something, and the panning shot of the lab also shows another tech in a turban. Firstly, I approve of some diversity happening here, and secondly, I hope that this casting choice was deliberate so there would be people that looked at those characters and went “the traitor has to be one of them” so that when it’s shown that the traitor is someone else, the people watching have to examine just why it was that they thought either of these two background characters were guilty. (Hint: it’s racism!). Anyhow, the rape kit in question has been tested, and it turns out the rapist is the king of Kazarus. Or, the former king, since he died and his brother has assumed the throne. The only spanner in the works being that the rape resulted in a child, who, as per the Kazarussian monarchy, is the rightful heir to the throne. Which naturally means that Scar’s gotta have him taken out. Now we know who we saw at the start of the ep-- the kid and his mother, who was clearly attacked by the assassins but escaped. Now it’s a race for the team to find them before the Kazarussians do. 

And then who appears but Weitz, who is now a congressman, and conveniently an expert on Kazarus. I love that everyone looks at Hirst and she’s all “Don’t look at me, Darlins” and how is someone using ‘darling’ in plural like that so damn endearing??? The accent is what truly makes it though, obviously. But nope, it was Reade who called him, which is just another in the list of things Reade has done lately that we do not like. Weitz manages to make everyone hate him even more within mere seconds of showing up, and tbh I love to hate him. His antagonism towards Zapata is hilarious.  I like that even Hirst gives him some shit lol. Atta girl. Anyhow Weitz informs them that the ex-king’s brother Cyrus is a Bad Dude and there’s a bunch of american soldiers in Kazarus that are now at risk, and yep the stakes have just been raised

Reade gets called into the principal’s office to discuss his little spat with Zapata. How exactly does Hirst know about that, though? Though I guess if she’s paid attention to any of their interactions today then she probably could have figured it out. I’m offended that he calls Zapata a busybody?? But then he does at least say that she’s nothing to worry about and that she’s a friend. What do you two have to hide though??? Meanwhile in the lab, Patterson has found the kid by examining the curtains in a video that the kid sent to his gf. That’s my lil genius. Of course it’s super convenient that this type of curtain is only made for a specific motel chain, but whatevs, I’ll let it slide as I do with many things in this show haha. I love Zapata teasing Weitz though, suggesting that it was all too smart for him and went over his head haha

Jane’s clearly taking this case pretty personally-- and tbh it does seem veeeeeeeery convenient that there’s a case that resonates so closely with her current situation, until you remember that this time around, all the tattoos are specifically designed by Roman to be revealed in a certain order, so it makes total sense that the case matches stuff going on in their personal lives. More sense than when it happened in the last two seasons, so touche, writers. You win this round. Anyway they get to the hotel, and the kid immediately pulls a gun on them. His mom’s not looking too good though, kinda bleeding out a little on the bed, and ugh Jane does her frightened-animal whisperer thing and convinces the kid to let her help his mom. Naturally he chooses to trust her bc lbr wouldn’t you?? They get his mom to the hospital where she’s super well guarded, and he tells them about only learning at 18 about his mother’s attack. And he only learned yesterday about the whole king thing, and tells them he’ll never go to Kazarus. You just know that Jane is thinking about her baby and how the kid probably wouldn’t want to know her as they must think she abandoned them, and ugh it hurts. Why must you do this, show?

Back in the lab Patterson and Zapata have set their trap, and are waiting to see who falls into it-- only they don’t like the answer. According to her computer, Reade logged into the system to delete the files. Patterson is grim; she doesn’t like it, but she’s ready to believe it. When Zapata tries to insist that Reade wouldn’t do it, that he’s family, Patterson just reminds her: Borden was family too. And ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I do not like this at all. I am so done with leaks and moles and traitors and all of it ugh.  I do appreciate Weitz for making me smile here; Zapata is back at her desk and he throws a paper airplane at her, then feigns confusion, looking around for who could have done it. Tbh I actually do ship these two a little bit. All the bickering just does it for me lol. She gives him shit about probably not going to be re-elected, but he says he’s doing great in the polls. She says polls have been wrong before-- and is that some political commentary I hear? Man who was the writer of this ep because they are not pulling punches today. Reade comes over and tries to mend bridges, which tbh tastes a little sour after he was such an asshole this morning... give him nothing, Zapata!

Looks like Yasmine is gonna live, which is nice. She and Jane bond a little over protecting kids etc while Weller and the kid go to get something from the vending machine--- and ugh when they’re coming back Wller notices their guard from the door is gone and pushes the kid behind him. I love protective Weller. I also love Weller throwing an injured woman over his shoulder and carrying her to safety. Damn. He also proved pretty smart-- when they realised that the baddies were on their FBI comms, he bluffed and reported that they were headed for the roof while they escaped out the front door instead. Nice. Though why do I feel like that escape was too easy?

Patterson has figured out that it’s not Reade that’s tampering with their evidence, but someone else using his login. She confesses to Zapata about the backdoor that Wizardville gives her into people’s phones, and says she’s never used it before, which isn’t true though right?? Didn’t she use it on that Lowie guy’s lawyer a few eps ago? Anyway Zapata doesn’t care about the illegal biz, she just wants to hear her best(?) friend’s name cleared.  Turns out he wasn’t even in the building when someone used an FBI computer to access their files, so that’s at least looking good for him, even if it is bad for them as a whole

Weller reports in, and the team tracks their phones and immediately sends backup-- but too late, considering that the baddies have laid out a trap for them. Was this why it was so easy for them to get away?? Jeller manage to take out several bad dudes on their own, but not before one of them manages to molotov-cocktail their car, which blows up moments later. Dude that’s one potent cocktail… but ugh they all make it to safety, with Weller again literally carrying Yasmine, and ugh the mother and son hug and the husband and wife hug and it’s just a very poignant moment okay?? Also there’s just something really beautiful about the way Jane hugs, I can’t even really describe it. Anyhow they all make it back to the NYO, where the rest of the team (plus Weitz, in his own way) are super glad to see them alive. After a minute Zapata and Patterson sneak off, because Patterson needs to tell her the news-- the person using Reade’s login was Hirst. She’s sure because of biometric software that she runs on all of their computers, and again, man I’m super glad that these powers are in the hands of someone trustworthy like Patterson haha. But ugh this means my honey-accented cool aunt is a baddie?? She even knew that Lowie guy from a few eps ago. Well, bummer. Still holding out for the possibility that there’s more to it, but things aren’t looking great...

Oh dear, King Cyrus was murdered, and the Kazarussians are demanding their heir. Which really sucks for the kid, and Jane and Weller try to protect him, but he’s determined to go and to make things better for his fellow Kazarussians. And lbr, to have to go become king is not the worst thing??  

Wow Patterson and Zapata actually went to Reade to warn him about Hirst. I don’t know why that surprises me, but it does. I would have done some more surveillance or something first? But anyway he is really not taking it well, and kinda attacks both of them a bit over it. And wait he’s known Hirst since he was in Quantico??? That’s news to me.  And not good news, either. Please don’t be dirty, Reade. Please…

Jeller are recovering at home after a pretty damn rough day. Jane has changed her mind about finding her daughter-- she wants her just to have a happy, stable life, and that willl be far easier if she never knows Jane exists. And he just hugs her bc what can you do to make that pain better? Nothing, that’s what. She’s going to mourn her connection with her daughter for the rest of her life and ugh it just really sucks

Oh no a time jump, nothing good ever follows a time jump. And oh shit it’s Berlin. Weller’s having no luck with a rude hotel employee, which I find super unbelievable because a) he’s front desk staff at a fancy hotel, b) the person asking him for help is a man clearly traumatised about his missing wife, and c) he’s German. Him being rude makes no sense. But it does give this girl a cool opening to come help Weller out, and man I am jealous of her German speaking skills. Like I said earlier, it’s not easy!! But wait, there’s more. The girl is not only American, but she’s looking for Jane. Her mother, Jane. And oh Weller, you stupid, stupid boy. You foolish, well-meaning idiot. I am sure that your reasons for not telling Jane about this are all purely to protect her (although I also suspect you’re trying to protect yourself from her leaving you again) but dude. DUDE. This is not the kind of secret you should ever keep, and honestly if Jane leaves your ass when she finds out the truth I’m gonna be on her side of the split. Ugh, my stupid son when will you ever LEARN

[footballghana]

Daniel Boateng talks about life after Arsenal and his desperate search for football

At 27, Daniel Boateng should be in the prime of his career. But, the ex-Arsenal prospect is currently without a club after a number of testing spells across Europe and he is now desperately searching for a route back into the game.

The Enfield-born defender was last seen playing professionally in 2019 with Romanian second division side Aerostar Bacău. Having signed a six-month deal, it was a move he hoped would get his career back on track. It turned into yet another nightmare.

“That was a dreadful experience,” recalls an emotional Boateng.

“I had teammates who had spoken well about Romania, but it was a risk that didn’t work out.

“The place I was in was like a little village and no word of a lie, we used to train at a military camp. The grass that people had in their gardens was better than what we were training on.”

It was a far cry from the manicured training pitches at Arsenal’s London Colney training base, where just less than 10 years previous a young Boateng has been learning his trade from the likes of Kolo Toure, Bacary Sagna and Laurent Koscielny.

He’d mixed with some of Arsenal’s best in the early to mid-2010s, telling the Islington Gazette: “Santi Cazorla’s technique was second to none.

“He’s one of the best players I’ve ever seen on the ball. Right foot, left foot, he was a joke of a player. He was so good.

“I trained with Fabregas as well and he was next level. Samir Nasri was the best I trained with. Nobody could get the ball off him and he was so good. Abou Diaby was next level as well.”

Spotted by Arsenal playing Sunday League football at the age of 10, Boateng was initially told he needed to improve. Despite an offer from Tottenham, he idolised Patrick Vieira and only had eyes for the red half of north London. He was signed a year later.

Coming through the ranks with the likes of Chuks Aneke, Benik Afobe and Nico Yennaris, he worked under club legend and then academy director Liam Brady. Despite admitting to not knowing who the Irishman really was as a youngster, one of his teachers did.

“I didn’t really know about his career because he was a lot older, but one day he called my school to see how I was doing and my teacher who answered the phone was Irish. She was so happy, like over the moon. He was a great player,” said Boateng.

Brady was a player who went abroad during his playing career, representing Italian sides Juventus, Sampdoria, Inter Milan and Ascoli. Boateng also left England when his time at Arsenal came to a close, but his move to Swedish side Södertälje FK would be one he would regret.

“With me, I’ve made some terrible decisions,” admitted the 27-year-old.

“I had opportunities to stay in England, but at the time I knew I could go somewhere else in Europe and get something better.

“In hindsight, I would have stayed in the UK. I went to Sweden and it was a bit of a panic move.”

Before his 2014 release, Boateng did get his chance in the first-team during a 2011 League Cup tie against Bolton Wanderers at the Emirates, coming on for his debut when he replaced Thomas Vermaelen.

“It was what dreams are made of,” remembers Boateng.

“There are thousands of players who join Arsenal, but not many get the chance to be on the bench let alone play.

“I was so nervous. Wenger just tapped my shoulder and said, ‘you’re going on Dan, just be composed and relax’.

“Being out on the pitch was a surreal moment. I think there were over 50,000 fans there and you can’t hear anything when you are out there.

“You have to make sure you know what you are doing because you are basically along despite having 10 other teammates. If you make a mistake it could be a disaster, so you have to concentrate.”

Arsene Wenger’s influence will always stick with Englishman, adding: “Arsene is exactly like everyone thinks.

“He’s cool, calm and collected. During training sessions, you’d never hear him shout and he’s a very good man-manager.

“He knows when to put an arm around players and talk to you, but he’s always giving you quality gems of help.

“I will never have a bad thing to say about him.”

Boateng’s first loan move away from the Emirates couldn’t have seen him paired with a more polar-opposite character to Wenger, as he joined Paolo Di Canio’s Swindon Town.

“Di Canio as a manager and a coach was brilliant,” said Boateng.

“His sessions were full of energy and intensity. He would join in as well and he was brilliant.

“With him, I think when he’s off the field he’s full of passion, he’s patriotic and I think that’s where the problem is, his passion gets the better of him sometimes. He might be trying to tell you something good, but it’s just the way he would say it.”

But after just two games and a personal issue, Boateng returned to Arsenal. Unsuccessful loan moves to Chris Wilder’s Oxford United and Scottish side Hibernian followed and these were spells that the defender believes ended his time at Arsenal.

He would be released in 2014, but he admits it was a decision he saw coming.

“Time and tide wait for no one at Arsenal,” he said.

“Initially it was strange because I came back from Hibs and the mannerisms from certain people change because it’s not an easy thing to tell someone who has been at the club since 10.

“It was difficult, but everyone gives you there best and you go on your way.”

Then came that spell in Sweden, followed by a 20-game period in Scotland with Airdrieonians before returning to mainland Europe with Polish side Raków Częstochowa.

Despite going into the move with plenty of hope, it would just be another spell to add to the long list of nightmares for Boateng.

“It’s a good place and the football is up and coming because they are trying to mirror the German style of doing things,” he said.

“When I went there the contract was supposed to be a three-year deal, but the manager had this thing about making a decision after a year. What I was initially told wasn’t true and it happened to plenty of players.”

Fellow Poles Olimpia Grudziądz were next for Boateng before that dreadful spell at Bacau.

He believes poor advice and guidance from his agent just after his Arsenal release played a big part in his turbulent career, and he has seen others fall out of the game in similar circumstances.

“A lot of players get released and at that time you need a good agent with good contacts,” he said.

“I had an agent who kept on waiting and waiting and who didn’t tell me about things that were coming up for me. One day he just came clean about it all.

“As a player, when you get released that is when you need the most help. If you aren’t strong mentally you can fall into anything.

“I grew up with so many players who don’t play anymore and are now bus drivers or in other jobs.

“When you are younger and you are at Arsenal, people think the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree so even if you get released people think you’ll end up somewhere good.”

Boateng is now trying to find a way back into the game, and despite a turbulent career, he doesn’t believe it was all for nothing.

“I believe it’s all part of something bigger. I’m a man of faith and I think things will get better,” he said following a lengthy pause for thought.

“I’m looking to stay in western Europe, somewhere like German or Holland or I would even go to America.

“I want to be playing regularly and have somewhere settled because 27 is the peak age for a footballer.”

As he continues to look for his next destination, Boateng almost perfectly sums up his career in one sentence, ending our conversation by simply saying: “Football is just so many up and downs.”

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Source: islingtongazette.co.uk

source: https://footballghana.com/