#we can be a little delusional about our ship. as a treat <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[revvethasmythh]

Veth stans this week about widobrave

[cheerscoops]

ship: Chrissy Cunningham/Steve Harrington wc: 3.4k A/N: this one was requested by my favorite person @sherifftillman <3 it was originally supposed to go up on their birthday, but I am terrible at time management. hopefully, I did our blorbos justice. also, apologies in advance for the minimal angst. I apparently can't write cheerscoops without making one of them a little sad.

“We don't have to stay long,” Eddie said as he parked his van. “I promise. As soon as I'm sold out, we can go back to my place and watch whatever movies you want. It probably won't take more than fifteen minutes.”

“It's fine,” Chrissy replied. “I don't mind being here. I knew what I signed up for when I agreed to come with you tonight. If it takes you longer than that, I'm sure I can find someone else to talk to. It is a party after all.”

“And that's why you're my best friend. You ready for this?”

“As ready as I'll ever be.”

Chrissy knew the real reason why Eddie had invited her to go to this party with him. He could say it was just because he wanted the company, but she knew the truth. He just wanted to get her out of the house and back around other people again. Ever since Jason had unceremoniously dumped her during halftime at the basketball game two weeks before, she hadn't really left the house for anything other than school. She hadn’t been feeling very social, and she knew she was starting to worry her best friend. So, even though the last thing she really wanted to be doing was attending some weird Christmas rager filled with people who witnessed her most recent humiliation, she agreed to go because it meant Eddie wouldn’t worry about her anymore.

The fact that they wouldn’t be there very long helped, too. If she had to spend the whole evening there, she wouldn’t have been able to force herself to go. She wasn't sure if she was really ready to face this crowd - the people that would either be hyping Jason up or looking at her with those horribly pitying glances that made her feel about two feet tall - but there was another reason why she didn't want to be at this house in particular: this was Steve Harrington's house.

It wasn't that she had anything against Steve. It was the opposite really. Back when she'd been a freshman, she'd fawned over him just like all of the other cheerleaders did. It had been so easy to develop a crush on him because she'd always thought that he was so out of her league. It was just a sweet little fantasy that occupied most of her daydreams. 

When she started dating Jason, her crush had faded away, and she'd figured that she was completely over that fantasy. They were at the same sporting events and the same parties, she talked to him on occasion, and she didn't think she felt anything for him. But then Jason dumped her and everyone started treating her differently - except for Steve. He stopped Tommy H. from making jokes at her expense when he started up with his stupid comments at school, and he didn't look at her with the same pitying glances that everyone else gave her. He treated her just the same as he always had, and it made her realize that maybe her crush had never really gone away. It was just lying dormant and waiting for an opportunity to resurface. The fantasy was back, and she was feeling more delusional than ever. Steve would never go for a girl who'd been dumped in front of the whole town like that. She wasn't good enough for him, but it was nice to dream. 

That dream was why she couldn't be at his party though. It felt too risky with her crush. Every other time she'd been to a party at his house, she'd been with Jason, so this hadn't been an issue. Now, she didn't know how to act.

As Eddie ushered her into the house, she scanned the crowd in front of her. It wasn't hard to find Steve in the midst of it all. He stood out on a normal day. For this party, however, he was wearing one of those sleazy Santa hats that had mistletoe on the end, and Chrissy hated how that wasn’t a turn off for her. As she watched Rachel P. make her way over to Steve and point at the mistletoe on his hat before reaching up to give him a kiss, Chrissy couldn’t help but think she wouldn’t mind getting to have that same opportunity herself. She’d never be bold enough to go up to him on her own though, and she certainly wasn’t bold enough to say whatever it was that Rachel P. whispered in Steve’s ear after their kiss that made his eyes go wide before shaking it off and adopting his signature confident smirk again. She was content to keep her distance and avoid any and all potential humiliation that would undoubtedly come from her being anywhere near him.

But she was hanging out with Eddie that night, so she should have known that he was going to unintentionally put her face to face with the guy she was trying her hardest to avoid. She loved her best friend more than anything, but he was oblivious to the chaos he caused her. Sometimes it was through more over the top means, but tonight it was via the simple action of calling for Steve’s attention. He acknowledged Eddie with a slight nod before saying something to Rachel P. and abandoning her to head their way.

Chrissy started panicking almost immediately. He was going to be standing in front of her wearing that ridiculous hat, and she'd have to find a way to kiss him without being awkward about it. Of course, there was always the chance that Eddie would jump in and kiss Steve to mess with him. Or worse, he could push Chrissy forward and urge her to kiss him and make a big deal out of it. She felt like she was going to be sick.

But then something that she hadn't anticipated happened, and it was maybe even worse than anything she had imagined. As Steve got closer to them, he noticed Chrissy was with Eddie for the first time, and he stopped dead in his tracks. He recovered after a moment, and as he started walking towards them again, he pulled the hat off of his head and ran a hand through his hair. That settled it then. He didn't want to kiss her at all, so he was taking away any chance that it would happen. Even though she'd been panicking about it, she'd be lying if she said that didn't sting.

“What? No kisses for me?” Eddie asked. “I'm wounded.”

 “I'm sure you'll survive,” Steve told him before turning his attention back towards Chrissy. “I didn't know you were coming.”

“That's because I forced her out of the house. We're just staying until I sell out, and then it's a night of debauchery.”

Eddie threw an arm around Chrissy's shoulders and wiggled his eyebrows, and she turned bright pink before slapping his chest.

“He's kidding,” she insisted. “We're going to watch Christmas movies and probably end up annoying his uncle.”

“I think he'll be charmed by our antics and just how often I plan on pausing the movies to add in my own scenes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have party favors to hand out.”

Eddie gave an exaggerated bow before heading into the party, leaving Chrissy standing there awkwardly with Steve. She didn't know what to say to him, and he didn't appear to have anything to say to her, so she was standing there wishing that the ground would just open up and swallow her when Heather Holloway appeared and threw her arms around her in a bone crushing hug. Whatever was in the cup that she was holding sloshed, and a little bit dribbled on the floor.

“You came!” she said as she pulled away from Chrissy. “You said you weren't feeling up for a party, but you came!”

“I did.”

Heather was clearly more than a little buzzed already, and Chrissy watched as she turned her attention towards Steve.

“Stevie. Would you mind terribly if I stole Chrissy for a minute?” she asked. “I can never get her to go to parties anymore, so I need to go get her a drink or seven to make up for lost time, okay?”

“She's all yours,” he replied. “Don't get too crazy.”

“Me? Never.”

Heather grabbed Chrissy's hand and started to pull her towards the kitchen, but as Chrissy glanced back at Steve, she noticed that he put that stupid hat back on the second he wasn't looking at her anymore, and she felt that same sting from before again.

“Can I just say that Jason is a rat?” Heather said. “A stinky garbage rat. The lowest of the low. He was never worthy of you, and you can do so much better than him anyway.”

“Thanks.”

Jason was the absolute last person Chrissy wanted to be discussing right now. Tonight was supposed to get her mind off of everything, and already she was feeling awful. She knew Eddie had meant well by bringing her here, but she needed to not be around these people.

“I'll be right back,” she told Heather. “I need to find the restroom.”

“Use the one upstairs. The one down here is probably super grody by now.”

Chrissy made her way upstairs and easily found the master bathroom. Luckily, no one was in there already, so she was able to lock herself inside and take a moment alone. She took a few deep breaths as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She could do this. She could be at this party and act normal and pretend she wasn't hurt by what Jason did to her and how Steve had clearly been repulsed by the idea of kissing her. She had to handle this. Just a little while longer, and then Eddie would be ready to leave. She could make it that long. She knew she could.

She exited the bathroom and started to make her way back downstairs. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Eddie leaning against a wall and flirting with Nancy Wheeler. He was trying to look cool, but Chrissy could tell that he was freaking out on the inside. This was a new development, and while she was happy for whatever was happening with her best friend, she had a feeling that she was going to be staying at this party a lot longer than she originally intended.

She would just have to make small talk with people and try to handle being there the best she could. Maybe if she stuck by Heather, she could get away with not doing any talking at all, and she could just let her friend talk at her for a while. However, that plan was ruined when she walked back into the kitchen and found Heather making out with Jason. He had her sitting up on the counter, and he was standing between her legs with her hanging all over him. So much for him being the lowest of the low.

Chrissy turned on her heel and ran out of the room knowing Heather wouldn’t have seen her. She was too invested in Jason’s tongue to notice her hurt friend or care if she did. She couldn’t grab Eddie and make him leave. She didn’t want to be a burden on him, so she tried to go hide in the bathroom again. This time, the door was locked, so she ducked into the first unlocked room she could find. 

After locking herself in said room, she sat down on the edge of the bed and willed herself not to cry. She wouldn’t give Jason the satisfaction of knowing he still had the power to hurt her. She couldn’t. She just needed to stay isolated from the rest of the party until it was time to leave. Eddie would come find her soon enough, and she could put this whole stupid night behind her.

She was only alone for maybe five minutes before someone tried to open the door. When they realized it was locked, they pounded on the door.

“Hey!” a voice called through the door. “No one is supposed to be up here!”

Chrissy got up from the bed and opened the door to find Steve standing there. Once again, as soon as he saw it was her, he pulled that stupid hat off of his head and held it behind his back. This was the last thing she needed, and she could feel herself crumbling from the inside out. She had to get out of that party, and she had to get out now.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know. I’ll just leave.”

Her voice cracked as she spoke, and she moved to exit the room, but Steve was blocking her path.

“Were you in there by yourself?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, and she didn’t want to cry in front of Steve. She didn’t need to add on to the humiliation she was already feeling. She tried to push past him, but he moved to stop her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Wait. If you need to be alone up here for a while, you can stay. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. Or I can go get your boyfriend for you if you don’t want to be alone.”

Chrissy let out a dry laugh.

“What boyfriend?” she asked. “Jason dumped me two weeks ago. You were there. Don’t you remember?”

“What? I wasn’t talking about that jackass. I meant Eddie.”

“You think Eddie and I are dating?”

“Well, yeah. Aren’t you?”

Chrissy was silent for a moment before doubling over from the force of her laughter. She moved back to sit on the edge of the bed as a way to steady herself because even in this laughing fit, she knew she didn’t want to fall to the floor in front of Steve.

“I’m so sorry,” she said once she’d calmed herself down enough to speak. “I’m not laughing at you. I promise. It’s just that the idea of me dating Eddie is the most ridiculous thing to me.”

“So, he’s not your boyfriend?” Steve asked. He moved to sit down next to her, and he set the hat on the bed in between them as he did.

“I certainly hope not considering the fact that last time I saw him he was very clearly flirting with another girl. He’s just my best friend, and he lacks all sense of personal boundaries when it comes to the people he’s closest with. I guess I can understand why someone would think we’re dating, all things considered. It’s just that kissing him would be the same as kissing my little brother.”

She scrunched up her nose in disgust before wiping the tears of mirth from her eyes.

“Thanks for that though. I really needed that laugh.”

“Glad I could be of service,” he told her. “Can I ask what had you upset enough to lock yourself in my bedroom in the first place?”

“It’s stupid,” she told him. “I saw someone who I thought was my friend making out with Jason. Which is fine. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants. We’re not together anymore, so it shouldn’t have had this effect on me. It’s just that he chose Heather, and she let him choose her after just telling me what a piece of shit she thought he was. But it’s fine. I just didn’t want to be forced to see it, and I didn’t have anyone else to talk to, so I came up here to get away from everything until Eddie was ready to leave. It’s easier that way.”

“Do you want me to kick him out? Because I can make him leave if you want.”

“He’s not worth the effort. I’m already ruining your party enough by keeping you away from your guests. I don’t need you to make a scene on my behalf.”

“I could spit in his eggnog then. Or accidentally spill some punch on him. Maybe trip him or something? Whatever I can do to help you get back at him.”

“It’s fine. Really.” She let out a tiny giggle. “Technically, he didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’d say he did plenty wrong if you asked me.”

“How do you figure?”

“I mean, setting aside him making out with your friend, the way he treated you at that basketball game was one of the worst things I’ve ever witnessed. He was needlessly cruel, and you deserved better. Frankly, I don’t think he treated you very well while he was dating you either, but that’s a whole other thing entirely. You always seemed too nice to be with a guy like him, and he didn’t appreciate you enough.”

“Maybe that’s just your opinion.”

“Well, it should be everybody’s opinion. I bet there are loads of guys in this school who would realize that you're the best thing that's ever happened to them.”

“You're sweet, but I'm not that special.”

“Not that special? Chrissy, you're -”

Steve paused for a moment and ran a hand through his hair.

“I remember this one day from back around when we first met. A bunch of the cheerleaders and the guys from the team were hanging out outside the gym. Barb Holland was walking past on her way to her next class, and she tripped and absolutely ate it in front of everyone. Jason went to make some stupid comment, but you scolded him and told him to shut up before getting down on the ground to check if she was okay and help her gather her things. I'd already thought you were cute before that, but I think that's when I started to have a crush on you. I never said anything, and then you started dating Jason a week later, so I figured I'd missed my shot and kept quiet. Anyway, my point is that you are special. Anyone who doesn't see that is kidding themselves.”

Chrissy smiled, but avoided looking at Steve to hide the fact that she was certain she was blushing.

“So, you have a crush on me?” she asked.

“I kind of let that slip there, didn't I?”

“Yeah. You did.”

His admission only confused her though. If he liked her, he should have wanted to kiss her, and yet he took that hat off every single time he saw her. It didn't add up.

“Can I ask you something?”

Steve nodded.

“If you're really into me, why'd you take the hat off? Why eliminate the perfect opportunity to act on your feelings in a non-obvious way?”

“A couple reasons. First, up until about five minutes ago, I thought you'd just started dating Eddie, and I didn't want to kiss another guy's girlfriend. Second, the hat wasn't even my idea. It was Tommy's. He gave me this line to use about how it's bad luck if you don't get a kiss when you're standing under the mistletoe, and said it works every time, but I kind of hate wearing the thing. And maybe most importantly, I didn't want you to feel obligated to kiss me. The whole idea of it made me feel gross. If you kissed me, I wanted it to be your choice.”

The sting from earlier had vanished completely and was replaced by a swarm of butterflies that were making her heart flutter. She wanted to be cool about this, but she didn't know if she could be. She had to try though, so she grabbed the hat and pulled it into her lap.

“You know, I kind of have a crush on you, too,” she told him.

“You do?”

“Mmhmm. And I would have welcomed the opportunity to kiss you even if it came with Tommy's admittedly terrible line.”

“Duly noted.”

She picked the hat up and placed it on her head.

“Well, would you look at that,” she said as she pointed at it. “I think that's mistletoe.”

“I think you might be right.”

 “You know, I heard it's bad luck if you don't get kissed when you're underneath the mistletoe.”

“I think I've heard that somewhere.”

“You wouldn't want me to have bad luck now, would you?”

“That sure would be terrible.”

“So, what do you say, Steve? Wanna help me make sure I don't have any bad luck?”

“Please.”

With that, Steve leaned in, and Chrissy pulled him closer for the first of many kisses.

Later on, when Eddie was finally ready to leave the party, he felt terrible for how long he'd ended up leaving Chrissy on her own. But, when he found her sitting on the sofa, snuggled up to Steve and looking happier than he'd seen her in months, any trace of guilt vanished away.

[wearespecialuniqueandimportant]

THE AFFINI SHIP HAS CRASHED...

Evil Nonbinary: HAHAHAHA... I HAVE KILLED ALL OF US... I HOPE EVERYONE BECOMES DISABLED AND STUFF... I WANT A POWER TRIP BECAUSE I CRAVE POWER BUT THAT'S JUST FICTION GET ME???? SO ALL'S FIINEE <3!!!!

Cute Woman: Omg My Body Can't Move Anymore... I Have Been Disabled And Punishment That's So Ableist Tbh... Iguess I'm Disabled... Ohwell... That Shouldn't Be That Bad...

Evil Nonbinary: YOU'RE GONNA BE CUT UP ABUSER.. I HATE YOU!!!! YOU MAKE OUR SPACE UNSAFE!!!! I COULD BAN YOU FROM THE SHIP YOU ABUSER!!!! YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFULL I HAVEN'T YET... BUT SOON I WILL BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT AND HAHAHAHA BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE YOU NEED TO LEARN CONSEQUENCE OF YOUR OWN ACTIONS...

Cute Woman: Omg Literally Police Torture... Can't You See I'm In Pain...

Evil Nonbinary: SILENCE SUBHUMAN.. YOU'RE JUST A FLORET NOW... YOU WANT EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWS REMEMBER.. THIS IS JUST FICTION... YOU'RE JUST DELUSIONAL...

Cute Woman: Omg They're Hurting Me...

Evil Nonbinary: YOU'RE AN ANIMAL NOW. HEY HEY TOY TRANS YOU'RE DISABLED YOU LIKE THAT YOU LIKE ALL MY FETISH. LIKES.

Cute Woman: No I Don't... I'm Treated Like I'm Subhuman... Like I Like That... I Was Always Treated This Way Because I Was Always Disabled That's The Twist Uh But Being An Animal Is No Reward... That's Just Like Before With A Different Coat Of Pain...

Evil Nonbinary: YOU'RE AN ABUSER I'M GOING TO THROW YOU OFF THE SHIP TO TEACH YOU A POLICE LESSON A CONSEQUENCE OF YOUR OWN ACTION!!!! YOU HAVE PSYCHOSIS YOU'RE AN ABUSER YOU NEED THERAPY MAKING YOU SUBHUMAN THAT'S AN ACTION A CHOICE TO BE INSANE THAT'S CALLED BEING AN ASSHOLE GOOD PEOPLE GO TO THERAPY BAD PEOPLE DON'T YOU'RE NOT EVEN INSANE YOU'RE JUST A TROLL FAKING A SUBHUMAN THAT SHOULDN'T BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY I TAKE VERY. SERIOUSLY YOU'RE EVERYTHING EVIL DESPITE BEING POWERLESS NOW BEFORE AND ALWAYS. I AREN'T AN ABUSER I AREN'T A POLICE I REPRESENT ALL INDIVIDUALS I AREN'T SOMEONE WITH THE JOB OF THE POLICE SO WE CAN'T BE THE SAME HAVEN'T YOU USED GOOGLE I SURE HAVE I SEARCH UP ABUSER YOU FALL UNDER ALL THE REQUIREMENTS LOOK IN THE MIRROR YOU'RE A BAD PERSON YOU NEED HELP I AM IN THE ROLE OF AN OPPRESSOR MEDICAL SYSTEM A ABUSIVE POWER SHOWCASE I AM THE TRUE ABUSER I POSE VICTIM I JUST WANT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE QUICKLY AND FORGET YOU EXIST THAT'S HOW I ALWAYS SAW YOU I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT ALIEN SEX I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE YOUR PAIN I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PAIN DISABLED PEOPLE ARE AN INCONVENIENCE BYE FUCK FACE ALSO YOU'RE RACIST AND BAD BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T SUBMIT NOT THAT THAT MATTERS YES OR NO I CAN DO THIS TO YOU AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING I POSE VICTIM I POSE VICTIM TAKE THIS BICH DIE!!!!!!!!!!

Cute Woman: Omg... What The Fuck...

EVIL NONBINARY THROWS CUTE WOMAN OFF THE SPACESHIP KILLING HER!!!!

Evil Nonbinary: IF I SEE ANOTHER ONE I WILL DO THIS AGAIN YOU'RE FAKING EVERYTHING THIS IS ALL BECAUSE YOU'RE CRITICIZED HUMAN DOMESTICATION GUIDE AND FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S I MAKE UP BEING AN ANNOYING LITTLE SHIT IS YOUR ENTIRE PERSONALITY I DON'T HAVE TO CARE I ALSO DON'T HAVE TO FEEL BAD I SEE YOU AS A SUBHUMAN ABUSER IN NEED OF THERAPY I SEE EVERYTHING YOU SAY AS AN INCONVENIENCE I NEED TO MAKE A NUMBER FOR SOME REASON CALL YOU SUCH AN ABUSER FOR WHAT BOILS DOWN TO ANGRY WORDS THAT PEOPLE ONLINE HEAR ALL THE TIME THAT YOU FACE ALL THE TIME NOBODY DOING THAT EVER FACING PUNISHMENT SHOWCASE I AM PRIVLEDGED AND ALWAYS GET MY WAY DESPITE THAT I POSE AS ANTI CAPITALIST DESPITE ALL THE CAPITALIST SITES FUNCTIONING IN MY FAVOR. FUCK DISABLED PEOPLE. I HOPE YOU K*** YOU******* I REALLY FUCKING HATE YOU I THINK YOU'RE ALL FAKE BECAUSE YOU'RE MEAN TO ME I THINK EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS JUST AN EXCUSE SO GLAD YOU'RE OUT OF MY LIFE AND I CAN GET BACK TO ALIEN SEX THE STATUS QUO ALL I CARE ABOUT I HAVE NO OTHER PERSONALITY LIKE THE OTHERS THAT ISN'T CREEPY YOU ARE FUCK YOU.

After That She's Killed Again Everyone Is Acting Like She's A Threat Despite Having Noone On Her Side. Nobody To "Abuse" And She's In A Bad Place In Life. This Is All Ignored Real Pain Real People An Inconvenience To These Abuser Very Fascist And Bigoted. They Say They Love Trans People But This 1 Didn't Have Hormones Still Doesn't At This Rate Never Will Everything Is Assumed To Be Just Trolling These People Viewing These Real Things As So Subhuman They're Like A Troll Created To Annoy Them Than A Real Person That Really Feels That Way. She's Killed Twice Like She Doesn't Matter Told She's A Nobody Just To Hurt Her While Said She Deserves Everything And Is Made The Biggest Most Horrible Threat Of All. Every Single Issue She Said Hidden Away. Nobody Still Listening To Her Every Single Day Months And Months Nothing Will Ever Change Nothing Ever Matters She Has No Reason To Act Nice Yet That's Expected Of Her. When She's Really Tried Nothing's Happened. Nothing's Happened Again And Again Only Someone That Actually Will Deal With Everything For Her Make Her Transition Can Be A Benefitial Person To Even Exist Anymore. She Isn't Wrong In Feeling Like That. What Can She Do. Why Should She Let Herself Be Walked Over That's What Woman Those That Aren't Trans Aren't Disabled Always Cry They Hate Letting People Do. Truth Is To Survive She's A Perfect Person This What Nobody Can Face. They're Everything Bigoted Despite That The Pain Doesn't Stop The Pain They Cried They Experienced Yet She Did Does And Always Will Daily Face Discrimination And Bullying And Nobody Cares. Why Should This Person Be Any Different? Why Should Anyone Else Be Any Different? She Isn't Such A Bad Person At All. Maybe Others Just Don't Benefit Someone In Deep Pain BY CAUSING HER MORE PAIN AND BEING UNABLE TO EVEN SAY SORRY.

[amyisherenowitsokay]

Zagr for the ship ask 😤😤😤 every single one bitch

I cannot believe you have bombarded me like this. Appalled. Insulted. Astounded.

Please enjoy my entire analysis of my fictional totally canonical ship.

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

1. How did they first meet?

Dib, but also school.

2. What was their first impression of each other?

I think they're both initially incredibly dismissive of one another. Zim thinks the entire fate of the Armada's reputation lying on his shoulders, and Gaz really has too many personal problems even as a kid to deal with; neglectful Dad, overprotective, stupid brother, etc.

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Okay so hear me out; I think Skoodge and Professor Membrane would be so obnoxious in the best way. And Gir, whenever his attention span lets him remember long enough to scream about it. But I think Membrane would be chipper about Gaz finding someone, even long before she admits she's even interested, and Skoodge would want Zim to be happy and is unconditionally supportive, especially when Zim is mopey whenever his advances are rebuffed.

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Honestly, I love a Zim simp, but I genuinely think it'd be Gaz. Zim is obviously a Defect capable of feeling a larger range of emotions than other Irkens, but he still didn't receive socialization that makes 'romantic rituals' in any way natural to him. So I think Gaz and him would buddy up platonically and casually, initially, until she realizes she likes his company a little too much and freaks out about it.

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Gaz does, 100%, and she's way more stubborn about it then Zim. I think Zim's denial is just that he doesn't "get" romance (see above) and what's going on with him, but once he understands he's fully down to bombard Gaz with affection, flirtations, and other over-the-top simp behavior until she stops pretending she's not gritting her teeth while fighting a blush.

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Zim doesn't know what a soul is, but he does begin to understand the concept that they can be taken from human's in bargains. He becomes distracted by the topic. Bringing it up again later would have him largely dismissive.

Gaz would roll her eyes, and be extremely bitter about the idea that there is anyone 'made' for her. She's very independent, and I think someone with the sort of familial issues she does with no role model for a 'happy' family would be really resistant to being bound to someone in a way that would entitle them to her vulnerabilities. She'd be extremely resentful, dismissive, and irritable.

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met?

Really unfulfilled, listless. Without that companionship, they would never develop into people capable of meaningful relationships. I think both of them are very independent. Zim may claim he likes an audience, but there's an undeniable anxiety that he gets when faced with judgement. If it's anything but unwaveringly positive, he becomes delusional and creates a fantasy world in which everyone loves him, and the situation was just an initial misinterpretation. Gaz would have good friends, I think, but accepting Zim and his oddities and realizing she genuinely relates to someone who knows everything about her (via her brother + proximity + time) and is still here would mean a lot to her development.

GENERAL

1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Zim, without a doubt. Gaz may like Zim first, but she's completely in denial about it and completely stubborn. Zim is oblivious, and also a big ass simp, so his persistence and patience eventually gets Gaz to let her guard down and accept that she has hormones, she has romantic inclinations, and apparently they've both decided Zim is it. Time to be a big girl and accept it.

2. Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Honestly, I don't think they're the 'date' type of couple. I am probably 100% projecting since my boyfriend and I did not have an official 'date' until like 6 months into our first relationship, where we paused, turned to each other and were like 'wait is this our first date?' because we're homebodies whose idea of fun is projects. I think Zim and Gaz would hang out regularly, but it wouldn't ever be like a formal 'we are going to Bloaty's/the movies/etc as a date,' but rather 'I am going here and you are coming with me so I guess we are going together' thing. Zim doesn't get the point of a date, because if a date is by definition doing an activity together, then aren't they perpetually on a date? And Gaz isn't really a 'let's go to dinner formally' kind of person. They hang out, they go places, but it's never really a 'thing.'

3. What was their first kiss like?

I firmly believes Gaz would have to walk Zim through every aspect of physical affectionate. Zim is really wary about it, but I do think there's an instinct towards good ol' copulation, as well as a longing for positive touch after so long getting his ass whooped in the Academy, that would make him frustrated trying to figure out what this desire is. I think their first kiss is Gaz explaining to Zim, after he asks her outright what else there is after tame stuff like cuddling and hand holding, and Gaz walks him through the concept, implications, and so on until he feels ready to bravely and firmly try it.

While that does sound pretty clinical, I think actually it'd be really emotional for both of them. Zim would be really overwhelmed by how much passion is in a kiss, and Gaz would be similarly overwhelmed since, going into the relationship, she probably never anticipated Zim being interested in anything sexual, so any physical affection he expresses interest in is a surprise to her.

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

I think Gaz probably would try out a few brief relationships, but never anything substantial or dramatic. Zim's never been in a relationship, so Gaz is his first everything. I do think they'd be each other's first sexual relationship, but I think Gaz would have most of her more minimal firsts with other people prior to Zim.

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Zim older. I normally write Zim as the same height as Gaz, or only a little taller. Neither of them are tall. I do respect you 'short king' stans though.

6. What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Dib hates Zim, firmly and completely, at the beginning of their relationship. It takes a lot of self-reflection, meaningful sibling discussions, and probably a few screaming matches that eventually get to the real root of the issue (Dib's ingrained fear that something would happen to Gaz, and that it'd his fault) before he came around. Zim is a big petty bitch and would gleefully antagonize him. They would never stop sniping at each other, but they'd begrudgingly (sort of) behave for Gaz. They would eventually become frenemies and bros, but they'd die and also kill each other before admitting any sort of cordiality.

Professor Membrane adores Zim, and treats him like the son he never had/always wanted, the one who wants to have long discussions about science and can keep up with the theoreticals. Gaz hates it.

The Base and Gaz are cool. They have an understanding borne from two sentient creatures who have found themselves in the position of trying to keep Zim from killing himself, killing other people, or from coming to (too much) harm. Gaz initially hates Gir, but eventually she figures out how to get him to chill out when it's important. Minimoose and her are also cool, but he creeps Gaz out a little.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Zim thinks he does, but it's really just Gaz slapping her hand over his mouth before he can say something stupid, or translating whatever nonsense just came out of his mouth when he's done talking.

8. Who gets jealous easier?

Zim. Not even a question.

9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

Zim. Also not even a question.

LOVE

1. Who said “I love you” first?

Gaz. Zim doesn't know what it means until she explains it. It takes him awhile to internalize it and reciprocate verbally, but Gaz is okay with that. He shows her how much he cares in other ways.

2. What are their primary love languages?

Without a doubt, Zim's is touch. Once he gets used to it, he's really greedy and possessive about proximity. Just having Gaz bump his arm is sometimes enough to set the worst of his nerves at ease.

Gaz's is acts of service. She's fine with Zim being physically clingy, but it means a lot to her how unflinching he is about protecting her, anticipating her needs, and remembering things.

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

Zim. Gaz hates them, but she tolerates it. Sometimes.

4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

Cuddling is very frequent. Zim will just sort of shift in behind Gaz if she's playing a game and cling, and she'll just keep doing what she's doing until she's eventually done and reciprocates. Explicit PDA never happens, but Zim is very clingy and physically will plant himself between Gaz and people who he's distrustful towards.

5. Who initiates kisses?

Gaz. I think Zim would cling to her like a barnacle at every opportunity, but Zim would likely usually defer to Gaz for escalating intimacy.

6. Who’s the big and little spoon?

Zim big spoon. PAK too uncomfortable to let him be the little spoon.

7. What are their favorite things to do together?

I think just being around each other while they do projects, game, etc. would be their favorite thing to do. Sharing in hobbies without feeling pressured to be entertaining, but still feeling like their presence is valued and wanted by the other.

8. Who’s better at comforting the other?

Being a people, and having more emotional competency, Gaz is better. Zim does his best though.

9. Who’s more protective?

Zim, if we're talking about quantity. Gaz, however, if we're talking about quality. Zim screams at chihuahuas for looking at Gaz, and also does protect her from genuine threats, but he overreacts frequently. Gaz, however, would know when Zim's out of his depth and would break the spine of anything that's a threat to him.

10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical, for both. Neither of them is really used to verbal affection, whether it be giving or receiving. It's a lot more natural to be demonstrative.

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

Me, cackling as I copy and paste this link that I imagine is from their mutual perspectives:

https://open.spotify.com/track/4nlT0Ch4qpqoS8O1RsdzjH?si=d6d8e1e19a7d4dc7

12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

There's lots, and I'm sure most of them are inside jokes, but the tops are Zimmothy + Little Gaz.

13. Who remembers the little things?

It's hard to say. Zim would retain an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Gaz, and tries to spoil her and accommodate her at every opportunity, but Gaz never forgets to pack an extra umbrella and a raincoat.

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married, who proposes?

Zim.

2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

No one but their mutual 'families.' A very small, intimate ceremony. The reception though is massive, courtesy of Professor Membrane who has no idea how to separate his personal life with his public one.

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

0 kiddos. Cannot product viable, compatible DNA to produce a spawn.

4. Do they have any pets?

Does Gir count?

5. Who’s the stricter parent?

If Gir is the child, Zim. Gaz will let him get away with murder, both because she can't be bothered to control him, and also because she thinks it's funny how mad Zim gets when she lets him go wild.

6. Who worries the most?

Between Gaz "apathetic is my middle name" Membrane and Invader "I have perpetual anxiety" Zim? No idea.

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

Gir. He eats them long before anyone can find them. But both Gaz and Zim will point out any he misses.

8. How do they celebrate holidays?

Zim fucking hates Christmas, so him and Membrane get down in a bunker for it while Dib and Gaz spend some sibling time somewhere, drinking cocoa and video chatting with the respective morons. Other holidays, they basically go wherever Professor Membrane is in the world with Dib to have a 'family' holiday.

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Zim doesn't sleep, but he likes the resting and the peacefulness of getting to curl around Gaz in her sleep without her leaving. So him by default.

10. Who’s the better cook?

Zim has a 'kiss the chef' apron and everything.

11. Who likes to dance?

Neither of them, but Zim does 'victory dances' compulsively.

[greymantledlady]

I posted 2,087 times in 2021

69 posts created (3%)

2018 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 29.2 posts.

I added 2,890 tags in 2021

#q - 801 posts

#loki - 510 posts

#lokius - 400 posts

#supernatural - 281 posts

#fanart - 235 posts

#midam - 173 posts

#art - 149 posts

#mobius - 143 posts

#animals - 100 posts

#loki spoilers - 98 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#manifesting manifesting manifesting 🕯️🕯️🕯️ that loki will be the one to tenderly hold mobius's face and bring back his memories

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Every day. every day! i come onto tumblr and block a new person with a bad take on mobius and an uwu loki did nothing wrong poor little meow meow complex. y'all are SO annoyingly putting your shit-tier takes in the lokius tag so for the LAST time:

mobius is essentially a fucking brainwashed cult member when we meet him. brainwashed in the most literal sense.

he has a job to do. the job is interrogate loki for info.

if he doesn't do the job loki gets FUCKING PRUNED

he saves loki

he does the job

he does it as kindly and gently as he possibly can under the circumstances

despite the brainwashing he shows loki warmth and compassion and humanity when literally every single other person in the TVA treats variants as subhuman

loki is a mass-murderer who tried to commit genocide on the jotuns. he ripped out a guy's eyeball and smiled while he did it. he's genuinely a bad and dangerous person at the start of the show. regardless of his sympathetic backstory, he's done a fuck ton of harm and hurt a lot of people.

if mobius doesn't get through to him loki gets pruned

if mobius doesn't get through to him more minutemen die

mobius does what he needs to do to get through to loki by confronting him with the awful stuff he's done. he shows loki the consequences of his own actions. and he does it with compassion and as much gentleness as he can possibly show without making excuses for him

reiterating that mobius is BRAINWASHED at the time

the reverent way he talks about the timekeepers? brainwashed. the utter assurance in his voice as he tells loki about what he believes? brainwashed. 'untangling the infinite branches of the epilogue' that's something he learned by rote. brainwashed.

source: i grew up in a cult

in conclusion if u talk shit about mobius then get blocked

thank you for coming to my ted talk

tes • Posted 2021-08-01 00:56:25 GMT

#4

Okay but his little laugh here is SO telling. Dean's like 'he lets you be?!' and Adam's like. 'Uuuhhhhh. Dude. of course my husband lets me be, wtf else would he do'

like he thinks it's FUNNY! and absurd, the thought that Michael would not let him talk or be. This man has one (1) extremely whipped archangel husband who is SO indulgent and looks after him SO well and Adam is just. happy and glad to have an archangel inside of him who lets him eat exactly how many burgers he wants and also wraps him up safe inside to protect him the instant that a threat arises, he's HAPPY with this arrangement

318 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 00:01:29 GMT

#3

genuinely feel so creeped out when straight ship people come and attack the gay ship people, calling them delusional, laughing at them for being excited and hopeful, saying oh, you lost the ship war and we won... like yeah, no shit? So completely shocking, right, that your straight ship went canon and our gay one didn't. None of us anticipated that. /s

Like yes, gay shippers might be in the clear majority here on tumblr, but don't act like this is in any way a fair fight. It's not a 'ship war', it's more like a fucking resistance movement. You have all the power of heteronormativity on your side, of fucking course your ship went canon and ours didn't.

593 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 23:23:07 GMT

#2

Mobius says 'thanks for the spark' and Loki BLUSHES and LOOKS DOWN SHYLY and SUCKS HIS LIP sjdkfkflkdl what is this I'm going insane send help YEAH YOU BET THEY HAD A SPARK

744 notes • Posted 2021-07-07 10:11:04 GMT

#1

Honestly if Marvel thinks that Loki, canon bisexual and THE daddy issues posterboy, wouldn't be desperately, stupidly attracted to Agent Mobius M Mobius with his undeniably strong DILF energy... well. then they are simply incorrect.

2796 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 15:26:05 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

Blind and Naive

(You are here) (Part 2) (Part 3)

TW: Unsympathetic Virgil, Abusive Virgil, Unsympathetic Patton, Unsympathetic Logan? (Not really), Abused Roman, Toxic Prinxiety, Abusive Relationship, Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Fighting, Dismissal of Feelings, Cursing, Manipulation, Belittling, Gaslighting, Guilt-tripping, Body Shaming, Self-Harm, Self-Doubt, Anorexia, Self-Deprecation, Negative Body Image, Roman lashes out at Janus, and A LOT of Roman angst

If I missed any, please tell me and I will add it.

Word count: 3970

____

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

The question rings in my ears and I feel my brain desperately trying to think of an answer.

I know I don’t like Virgil, at least not in a romantic sense. But at the same time, I know that if we start dating, most of the fandom will be ecstatic. We are one of the most popular ships in the fandom after all.

Come on Roman, give the fans what they want. How do you expect to be the favorite if you can’t satisfy them or please them because of a selfish reason? And either way, what can go wrong? Maybe you might even fall for Virgil eventually.

I take a deep breath and nod, putting on an excited smile, “Yes!”

____

It had all started okay. We had announced our relationship to the fandom and most of them were happy! Of course, there were the few that didn’t like our relationship and those who were indifferent but that was fine. I even started to grow feelings for Virgil!

Everything was fine…

But then… Something… 

Changed...

____

“Roman! You promised we were going to have a movie night today!”

I look down, the guilt in my chest growing more and more with every second that passes.

“I know... But I really need to finish this script… I’m so sorry Virgil… I promise I will make it up to you...!” My voice is hushed and weak

Suddenly, he starts to cry and I feel my heart sink.

“YOU PROMISED ROMAN! YOU CARE MORE ABOUT A DUMB SCRIPT THAN ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND!?” His voice is shaky and filled with hurt.

“No, no, no! T-that’s not it! I promise! I-I j-just-”

He cuts me off with a sharp slap that makes my cheek sting and ache. 

“IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HANG OUT WITH ME AND TREAT ME RIGHT THEN MAYBE WE SHOULD BREAK UP!” He starts crying harder before looking away from me.

I feel tears begin to prick my eyes and my body begin to shake.

“I-I’m s-sorry! P-please d-don’t leave me!”

Please...! I don’t want the fandom to hate me even more...! I don’t want dad to get mad at me...! I don’t want to be alone again...! I d-don’t want to lose you...!

Despite my best efforts, I feel the tears in my eyes begin to spill and roll down my face. 

“We can have movie night! I-I can just do my work another day!” I cringe when I hear the heavy desperation in my voice.

I hear Virgil sigh before he turns to face me. He suddenly isn’t crying anymore and instead he just has an annoyed expression on his face.

“Fine,” His voice is so cold it forces a shiver to run down my spine, “I won’t break up with you. Now shut up and stop crying. You look so fucking pathetic.”

Pathetic...

I go to reply but before I can, I hear Virgil mumble, “So much for being a prince...”

A true prince isn’t a whiny crybaby! Stop being such a little bitch! You were in the wrong, so why are YOU crying!? He had every right to be mad at you!

I quickly wipe my tears away and force myself to calm down, “Sorry...”

He gives me a tight smile, “It’s fine. Now, put the movie on, and let’s cuddle on the couch.”

I smile a little and nod. He sits down on the couch as I put the movie on. Once the movie is on, I sit next to him on the couch and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around me and pulls me close, and I can’t help but smile more. 

See, if you’re good, he’ll be nice to you! All you have to do is follow his rules and stay on his good side. How hard can that be...?

____

Virgil looks up at me, a disgusted expression on his face. 

“Are you seriously going to eat all that?” His voice comes out harsh and judgmental.

Disgusting pig...

I look down at my plate and hold back a wince. Now that I was actually paying attention to it, the amount of food on my plate made my stomach turn. 

Are you blind!? Why did you get so much food!? Aren’t you already fat enough!? If you want to be perfect stop being such a pig! How can anyone ever love someone as fat and disgusting as you!? STOP EATING! Fill up on water or something! Count your calories more! YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!

I swallow the lump in my throat and look back up at Virgil, “N-no... I accidentally got too much food... Of course, I wasn’t planning on eating all this...”

Virgil’s expression quickly changes from disgust to anger. He slams his hands on the table as he stands up, the sudden loud noise and movements make me flinch.

“BULLSHIT! DON’T LIE TO ME! WHAT TYPE OF BOYFRIEND ARE YOU!? FIRST YOU’RE GREEDY AND THEN YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO LIE ABOUT IT!?”

Greedy...

I cover my face with my hands to try and hide the fear in my face, “N-no! I-I swear...! I-I didn’t mean to g-get so much f-food!”

A scoff escapes his lips, “Fine... If you’re not going to tell me the truth then have it your way.”

He stands up and starts walking back to his room.

I reach out to him, “W-wait...” My voice is weak and shaky.

Useless...

He stops but doesn’t bother to glance at me or anything, “You’re sleeping in the basement today. And don’t you dare show yourself until you’ve lost some weight.”

And with that, he leaves.

My shaky knees give out, I fall to the floor, gripping my hair tightly and biting my lip as I try to stop myself from crying.

Don’t you dare cry! Stop being so sensitive! If you weren’t such a fuck up, he wouldn’t have gotten mad at you! Stop being so stupid and do something right for once! You let him down! You should have known better! Go to the basement and start planning your meals...

I slowly stand up and grab my plate, the site of it almost making me puke. I quickly throw away the food in the trash and put the plate in the sink. Then I make my way to the basement.

____

“Roman, stop being so dramatic.”

I flinch a little and keep my eyes glued to the floor. I couldn’t help but fidget with my hands desperately and ineffectively trying to stop my tears.

Dramatic... 

“I-I’m sorry...- I-I just...- Y-you said...-” I trip over my words, the ever-growing lump in my throat not helping to make the situation easier.

He scoffs, “Stop lying, I didn’t even say anything about you.”

I bite my tongue, “B-but you d-did... Y-You said-”

The second I realize what I said I cut myself off. 

Nononononono!!! Y-you idiot! He’s going to get mad at you!

Before I can apologize he walks up to me and pinches my arm, making me grimace.

“ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!? I DIDN’T CALL YOU ANNOYING! IF ANYONE IS A LIAR, IT’S YOU!”

Liar...

I feel myself start to hyperventilate as I wrap my arms around my stomach tightly, “Y-you’re right... I-I’m sorry... Y-you would n-never say that...”

“Whatever,” Virgil steps away from me, “Have you eaten?”

I hug my stomach tighter at the mention of eating and shake my head, unable to force myself to speak.

He walks back over to me and puts a hand on my chin. He lifts my head and has me look at him, a smile on his face.

“Good, I’m glad you’re following the rules. As a reward, we can go cuddle in my room.”

A bright smile creeps into my face. I nod excitedly and we sink down to his room. At first, it was going great, but then, Virgil’s room began to affect me. I was getting more and more anxious but I ignored it.

Don’t ruin this nice moment! You’re always begging for attention, and you finally got it. DON’T MESS IT UP! You’re lucky he even agreed to cuddle after you accused him of lying. 

I stay quiet and just cuddle closer to Virgil, when he holds me closer I almost completely forget about my growing anxiety. 

____

At first, our arguments and insults stayed out of the videos. But soon, they began to leak through

“So do I, but I’m not like THAT.” 

Sorry... I just really like Disney...

“And as usual, you were completely unnecessary.”

Unnecessary....

“Prince, I got to say you do impress me, by being a clueless moron all the time.”

Clueless moron...

“Even Prince knew that.”

I get it... I’m the dumbest...

“Don’t encourage him.”

I’m just trying to do my job... I just want to be listened to...

“If it’s not original, haven’t we all lost?”

I’m trying! It’s harder than you think!

“You tried, you failed.”

Failed... I’m a failure...

“Princey, you are done, give it up!”

NO! I can’t give up! I can’t let him down!

“Princey, you could never let me down,” Thomas said in a sincere voice but I couldn’t help and be skeptical.

“No?” Said Virgil in a surprised and doubtful voice.

He doesn’t believe in me....

“They’re also determined and chivalrous.” Explained Thomas.

“And this is the one Roman thinks he’s in?” Asked Virgil in a fake whisper.

I guess he doesn’t think I’m determined or chivalrous... Am I that delusional to think I am...?

“I’m not evil!” I desperately called out.

“Says who?” Virgil quickly shot back.

E-evil... I can’t be evil... I’m supposed to be good...

“I so liked the original idea that I misinterpreted.”

Is my idea not good enough...?

“I tried to course-correct, but you wouldn’t let me.”

I just wanted a bit of control for once...

“Whatever, you know you screwed it up.”

Like I always do...

“All I’m saying is that you both suck at what you do and I’m tired of having to keep lighting fires under your butt”

I suck at my job... But at least I have Virgil to fix my mistakes...

“Wow, you are, unbelievably extra any chance you get.”

Extra... Always too extra...

“You know Roman, it’s too bad your brain isn’t as big as that chin.”

I’m not dumb... I-I’m not...

“It’s a puppet bit, just ignore them.”

Ignore me like always, right...?

“Too bad your “big admission” is dwarfed by your gargantuan failures.”

All I ever do is fail...

“Okay, you can stop.”

I’m just being myself....

“Shut up!”

Sorry...

“Princey, Princey, Princey, so naive.”

Naive...?

“Are you seriously siding with Deceit?”

I’m just trying to give him a chance...

“What are you- the jury decides if he’s guilty!”

So he only cares to correct me...?

____

I can’t take it anymore...! I-it hurt so much...!

I stand in front of my mirror, a feeling of hurt and loneliness corrupting my heart. My eyes are bloodshot red and tears flowed down my face at an alarming rate. My whole body was shaking and my breathes were shaky. 

Ugly! Stupid! Your shoulders aren’t broad enough! Your thighs are too wide! Your stomach is too big! Your neck is too fat! Your arms too heavy! You aren’t perfect enough! You’re still eating too much! Why are you still not good enough?! 

I curl my hands into a fist, my shaking becoming increasingly worse with every passing second. Suddenly, I’m no longer able to look at my own reflection.

Before I knew it, a loud crash filled my ears and I felt my knuckles sting. I looked at the mirror. It was now cracked and bloody. I look down at my knuckles, they were full of blood. 

But to my surprise, the pain felt... 

Good...

It hurts... My knuckles sting and ache... but... I like it... It feels nice... 

____

Eventually, I just gave up.

“Roman! You messed everything up again!”

“Sorry.”

I stopped fighting.

“Stop being dramatic. We all know that you’re just trying to get attention.”

“You’re right. Sorry,” I plastered a smile on my face.

I followed everything he said.

“Can’t you just come up with something good for once!? Stop wasting our time with your useless shitty ideas!”

I nod, “I’ll try harder, I promise.”

I just agreed.

“You’re still not skinny enough. Are you even trying!?”

“I am trying, I’m sorry, I’ll do more.”

I stayed silent and out of the way. I continued to skip meals. I kept self harming. Every day, things got worse and worse. But, at least, I still have Virgil.

____

They told me that if anything is bothering me to reach out. I slowly walk to the couch where Logan and Patton were sitting. I stand a few feet in front of them but neither of them acknowledged me.

I take a deep breath and clear my throat, finally getting their attention.

“Salutations Roman,” Logan said, looking up from his book, “Is there something that you require us for?”

I awkwardly avoid eye contact and mumble, “I, Um... Need to get some things off my chest...”

Logan raises a brow and fully sets his looks down, “Okay?”

While Logan seems to be somewhat interested, Patton just rolls his eyes.

“Fine, but hurry up, I was watching a movie,” Patton’s voice is harsh, making me flinch.

I see Logan give Patton a disappointed and displeased face, but Patton just ignores him.

I take another deep breath.

Just say it... It’s okay... T-they’ll believe me... R-right...?

After a few more seconds of debating with myself, I quietly mutter out, “V-Virgil, h-has b-been v-verbally a-abusing m-me...”

There’s a beat of silence. No longer than a couple of seconds. But, it feels like forever.

“Really Roman?” Patton’s voice cuts through the silence like a sharp knife, his tone annoyed and disappointed.

I put my head down and squeezes my eyes shut, “Y-yes...”

Patton’s sighs heavily and responds in a flat, unamused tone, “Roman, I’m disappointed in you. First, you’re mean to Virgil and now you’re lying about him abusing you!? Aren’t you supposed to be a prince? What type of prince lies about their significant other? Especially after he was was nice enough to forgive you for being so rude and gave you a chance.”

Pain and betrayal hit me like a truck going full speed. 

“I-I’m not l-lying!” I start shaking. I turn to Logan expectantly but to my surprise, he just looks away with a distraught expression on his face.

“Go to your room, Roman,” I don’t turn my attention back to Patton, instead I just start walking away.

As I leave, I hear Patton mumble to himself, “And to think that I labeled him the good one.”

I run to my room, making sure to slam the door as I go in.

They don’t care! They said they cared! They said we were friends! That we had each other’s backs! Was it all a lie!? Am I really that stupid and naive!? Why don’t they love me...? What did I do!?

I flop down on my bed, but I don’t cry, I felt like crying and I wanted to, but I couldn’t. So, I just lay there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling numb and broken.

____

I’m done! Enough is enough! I can’t do this anymore! They don’t care about me! None of them do! They all hate me! EVEN Thomas hates me now! I was supposed to be his hero! I was supposed to be the good one! 

I grip my sash tightly before ripping it off and tearing it to rags.

I don’t deserve it! Just like I don’t deserve any love and attention! I’m not good enough! I never will be! It isn’t fair!

I take off my prince costume, now only wearing the black shirt I usually wear underneath it. I take the shirt of my costume and quickly rip it up as well.

They chose a liar over me!? Why!? I’ve been trying so hard to prove myself to them! I kill myself to try and come up with creative ideas! I forced myself to change to meet their standards! I tore myself apart to please them!

I fall to the floor in defeat. A feeling of numbness suddenly washing over all my guilt, pain, sadness, and anger. Yet, even when I feel nothing but empty and numb, the tears won’t stop.

I followed Thomas’ request and tried to get rid of Virgil, only to get antagonized and proved wrong. So I tried my hardest to be nice to Virgil yet he is allowed to abuse and insults me all he wants! Then when I try to stand up for myself I get attacked by Thomas, Patton, and the fandom! I tried to be nice to De-Janus to show them I changed, and I’m wrong! So, I try being mean to him like they told me to be, and I’m wrong again! Nothing I ever do is right! Suddenly, Patton can be wrong just like everything we’ve known our whole life!

My wrist hurt, and I feel the blood of my multiple wounds running down my arm. My lungs begin to sting and burn, my throat clamps up keeping any air from reaching my lungs, my chest aches, and I start feeling lightheaded.

I want somebody... Anybody... I just need someone...

But who...? I’m all alone... I have nobody...

...Remus...

____

I stand outside of Remus’ room.

This is a bad idea... What if he laughs at me...!? But... He’s the only person I have left... 

I slowly knock on the door, cursing myself when I see how shaky my hand is.

After what seems like forever, the door opens and Remus looks at me with a shocked and concerned face.

“Roman?! What happened!? You look like shit! Are you okay!?” He slowly takes a step towards me and pulls me into a hug.

The second he hugs me, I fall apart again. 

Chocked sobs shake my body and I cling to Remus, hiding my face in his shoulder. I hear Remus sigh softly and he gently ushers me inside. He leads me to his bed and sits both of us down.

“Shhh, it’s okay Ro. You’re okay, just breathe.” 

I flinch slightly at how gentle and soft Remus’ voice is before nodding slightly. I start taking shaky deep breaths.

I don’t know how much time passes, but I eventually calm down. I slowly pull away from Remus and look down.

“I-I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to just come and burden you after all these years of ignoring you...” Despite how hard I try, my voice stays weak and tiny.

Remus, gently puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize, you aren’t burdening me.”

I bite my lip, “A-are you sure...? I-I s-started crying... and b-bothering you with my i-issues...”

Remus hugs me again and softly says, “Roman. You aren’t a burden and you’re not bothering me. Just because you started crying doesn’t mean you have to apologize. It’s okay to cry.”

W-what...? But Virgil always said that I shouldn’t cry...? He says I’m just being annoying and self-centered... W-was he lying..?

I hesitantly nod, hugging Remus back, “Okay...”

Suddenly, I feel someone on the bed shift a bit and my heart sinks. 

S-someone else is here?!

I pull away from the hug and look behind me, not sure what to expect. The face staring back at me immediately makes all my anger come rushing back to me.

“What are you doing here, Snake?” My voice comes out harsher than I expected it to but I can’t be bothered to care.

I see Janus flinch slightly and Remus sighs.

“Ro, that was mean... Apologize to Jan.”

A-apologize... 

My heart drops and it suddenly becomes impossible to breathe. I feel Remus go to pull me into another hug but I push him away and quickly stand up.

“APOLOGIZE!? WHY DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE!?” At this point I’m crying and shaking again, but this time, they’re tears of anger, “AFTER EVERYTHING HE HAS DONE TO ME, I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD!”

“Roman, I-” Janus starts but I quickly cut him off.

“YOU PRETENDED TO BE PATTON AND HAD ME PRANCE AROUND ON A STAGE, EXPLOITING MY TRUST AND SOMETHING I LOVE! THEN YOU MADE ME THE STUPID JUDGE IN YOUR DUMB TRIAL AND PRETENDED TO BE MY FRIEND! AND WHEN I DIDN’T AGREE WITH YOU, YOU PUNISHED ME BY HAVING MY BROTHER HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS MORNING STAR! YOU FILLED MY HEAD WITH FAKE COMPLIMENTS, POKING AT MY INSECURITIES AND MY DESPERATION FOR SOME SORT OF PRAISE AND LOVE!” My voice quivers and shakes. 

At this point, I see tears form in the corner of Janus’ eyes, but I continue, mostly because I just NEED to rant.

“YOU USED ME JUST TO GET LISTENED TO! AND I GET IT! IT SUCKS TO BE IGNORED! BUT THAT DOESN’T JUSTIFY YOUR SHITTY ACTIONS! LOGAN GETS IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE HIM MANIPULATING OTHERS! I GET IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE ME EXPLOITING OTHERS WEAKNESS! REMUS GETS IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE HIM USING OTHERS! THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO BE LISTENED!” My voice breaks off, unable to continue screaming.

I laugh, the laugh heavily laced with bitterness and sadness, then I crumple to the floor. 

“I-I have a r-right t-to...- T-to...-” I cut myself off and just cry into my hands, going from angry frustrated tears to sorrowful tears.

I hear both of them slowly stand up, Remus takes a knee next to me while Janus sits in front of me. I feel Remus starts to slowly and gently rub my back.

“Roman,” Janus’ voice is soothing and gentle, making me look up at him.

His face is full of guilt and the tears that pricked his eyes a few seconds ago were now slipping down.

“I’m SO sorry,” He continues, “I know what I did is wrong and that it seriously hurt you. I know that a sorry won’t fix the mess I’ve caused. And I know that nothing I do will change the past. But, I really am sorry. You don’t have to forgive me yet, you can forgive me when you are ready. For now, just breathe, everything will be okay.” 

I don’t have the strength to argue, not anymore. All I do is give him a small nod in response and start slowly breathing.

Remus starts slowly breathing with me while Janus whispers reassurance, and it surprising helps, a lot. I continue breathing, and slowly start calming down.

It will be okay...?

____

“How are you feeling Ro?” Remus asks in a gentle calming voice.

I smile a little and quietly mumble, “I feel slightly better. Thank you.”

He nods, smiling softly, “Of course Ro.”

“So,” I turn my attention to Janus, “Do you think you’re ready to tell us what happened?” He keeps his voice super gentle and soothing.

His tone helps keep me calm and I slowly nod, “Yeah...”

They both look at me, and I can’t help but feel a warmth in my heart.

They’re willing to listen to me... They’re actually going to listen... 

I take a deep breath, ready to just get everything off my chest.

____

To be continued.

I finally finished! This took so long, but I really liked it. Also, kinda sucks that this had to come out on Roman’s birthday, but I really didn’t want to post it any later. So, yeah, part 2 will be out soon. Later! 

Tell me if you want to be tagged or removed.

@anti-virgil  @romanvirgil  @yeet-ceit  @nachosforfree  @unsympathetic-virgil @sanders-sides-soap-box   @virgil-negativity  @a-gay-angel @potatsanderssides @sapphire-knight  @a-small-snidget @easterpop-reblogs @nostarsinthedark @itriedandimtired @cemmy @unus-janus

[fymagnificentwomcn]

Farya was not only a bad and unnecessary character, but was also sooo annoying, not only for me?

I mean…

outside how her character was out of the place, she wasn’t even likeable? My mum knew nothing of Ottoman history & how her character is so ahistorical and she hated Floprya so much, you cannot imagine.

Her ranting that if Mu/rat does not kill Ayşe, she will do it herself & being all “Damn ilahtar and Kösem, they will try to convince Murad not to kill Ayşe, and otherwise he’s so merciless DANG”.

Her feeling of superiority and being special truly shows you why she had best relations with

Mu/rat and Atike in the palace lmao.

She’s also repeatedly completely ignorant of Ottoman system & yet thinks she can be Valide (ater)?

Kösem, Gevherhan, and Ayşe told her multiple times how it works and what might ultimately befall her. Of course Ayşe wanted to just piss her off, but she actually told her truth – Murad was keeping her as his mistress closed in golden cage and just waiting when he decides to grace her with his presence, mostly at night to have some fun ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) . Living outside harem meant that (surprise!) She had a worse situation than slave Ayşe, who had an acknowledged & legitimate position as haseki and mother of princes. Being a foreign princess meant nothing there – she was kept in hiding, had no clear position in Murad’s life, and was actually living in sin with Mu/rat (yes, Murad was so mad about Kasim breaking the rules, but he was doing something far more scandalising himself when it came to sexual propriety & he was the ruling padişah). Her being so happy about not being placed in harem initially & thinking how she was so special she was given a separate palace.. shows precisely how ignorant she was of the system she CHOSE to live in.

Kösem and Gevherhan warned her how not having a kids meant she would later fade into obscurity & even legal marriage could not change it – she completely dismissed it because of “their great luv” & stuff.

Kösem knew Murad much better than Floprya did LBR and when she said his “great luv” would pass, she knew what she was talking about – she was even shocked when Mu/rat gifted Farya with necklace because it wasn’t in his nature to do romantic gestures and caring about giving his women gifts. And even if you don’t trust these women because they don’t like you much, look at how this man is truly behaving towards you (if you ignore his behaviour towards Ayşe because yes we know you are a special snowflake).

Ignoring stuff such as period-appropriate behaviour (Murad laughing at Farya wanting to command an Ottoman army, I guess even less misogynistic men would laugh her off), he calls her his prisoner even before the pig incident, and afterwards…. 1) he hits her without even asking her why she put a freakin’ pig in; 2) keeps her wounded and bleeding in cell while making his decision, at the same time being all emo about how poor HE is because he loves this woman and she hurt HIM so; 3) when he (graciously, please everyone clap) decides to spare her, he doesn’t just let her go, he makes a show in which he scares her and “shows her her rightful place” aka on her knees before him; 3) continues to be offended and passive aggressive towards her afterwards; 4) gives her throne away behind her back without even asking her if she wants to stay with him; 5) rides after her, tells her “you slept with me, so you are my woman & you belong in my harem” & takes her on his horse forcefully (it doesn’t matter if she secretly wanted it inside); 6) didn’t explain why he gave her family’s throne to someone else even after he took her back to the palace, Atike had to do it; 7) yes, kept her without any status and intention to change it hidden in another palace, without any participation in his daily life and only visiting her when it suited him, not even sticking to any promises to come if he decided so, only the terrible incident with Farya’s miscarriage made him marry her and seeing how his “great luv” began to die after it, one does question whether it was out of love or him simply wanting to show everyone (both his mother and subjects) that he could do as he pleased, even against any rules; 6) he actually never promised her he would marry her and not have other women, it was only Farya always saying this – conversely, in MY Suleiman DID actually promise this to Hürrem and then did not keep it [doesn’t make Murad less of a dick, but shows how delusional Farya might be because he never actually said so himself or agreed to it].

And I said in one of my previous posts how Hürrem (and any harem women) weren’t homewreckers because it was indeed their only chance to have a family & love, but damn Floprya is a homewrecker because she truly didn’t have to stay with Mu/rat – she had her family, her throne, friends to come back to… please you knew what mess you created by coming there, and you had all the signs how violent this guy was and about his attitude to women… you could truly do a lot better, honey.

Murad never saw her as a consort of importance either. He never asked for her opinion on anything (he’d sooner even ask his mother) and when she got an accidental chance to say something (pleading with him not to execute a poor guy who forgot his lamp to bring his dad dinner, nota bene an incident described by Ottoman historian Mustafa Naima, just without Farya in the picture obviously), he completely ignored her and looked pissed she even dared to do so. It was frankly the only instance Floprya tried to talk Mu/rat out of something bad – even when he executed people who simply had been on the market during the attack on her (and even completely unrelated ones as later turned out), even though Kosem had already punished the actual attackers, our “kind-hearted” Floprya did nothing…. I’m not surprised he didn’t consult her before because he never does & well… talking sense to him never works because Kösem tried to reason with him it’s wrong, even for him because it provides people who want to go between him and ordinary people with great opportunity… and he didn’t give a fuck as always, but Farya never said anything, even following this? It was a matter closely connected with her and we never even see them talking about this or Floprya’s reaction to it? I can’t believe she didn’t hear about this… she likely just didn’t care.

Kösem also told her that marrying a sultan is not enough, and (since we know she couldn’t have kids) she should at least drag her ass and do something useful, like take care of people? Well, it was the only time we saw Floprya doing charity.

 Following the wedding, Mu/rat began to gradually lose interest in Farya, including going after Sanavber after he saw her with dagger pointed at him because it seems he has a dagger-fetish & now Floprya  even stopped wielding his favourite toy to have his attention… And again never forget Atike’s “Murad finally met a woman worthy of him, she can wield a sword like A MAN!” (STFU ALREADY ATIKE).

Speaking of Atike… Floprya encouraging Atike to pursue Silahtar even if it’s clear from Atike’s words he isn’t responsive to her, bah, even after it’s known he loves someone else… how stupid you can be to encourage Atike to get the guy who loves someone else and keep telling her again how special & daring she is, so go on and take what you want? Or Floprya threatening Silahtar to expose it was Gevherhan because he called her out on threatening Ayse at night with knife (yes, Ayşe was guilty, but there was no evidence at that point & it was not for her to go and punish somebody without evidence like that). He was just doing his job.

Farya later begins to openly mention her frustrations and how she’s now sidelined because she cannot have children… which of course makes her more the bitter and angry at Ayşe & striving towards revenge so bad – she  isn’t satisfied that Ayşe got exposed and would be punished, she wants her DEAD & would not accept any other option (never mind that poor, innocent children would be orphaned in such a case).

Even after  the matter is revealed and she does regret what she did, she’s as defensive as ever and tries to put all blame on depressed, abused woman aka Ayşe… she sees no fault of Mura/t’s there.

Still, she didn’t deserve execution for that, especially from hands of person who was chiefly responsible for the tragedy aka her husband… and her being pregnant saving her was meaningful.

Yet she continues to be ignorant about Ottoman system – now that Mura/t continues to pay her little attention even though she gave birth to two sons and instead spends time on drinking parties with Yusuf & other male buddies, she wants to be Valide and supports changing succession law back to the one involving fratricide… Okay, she doesn’t care about Murad’s brothers, but her own sons? Mu/rat being all “I don’t give a fuck” to Kösem pointing out one of his sons will kill the other is… well, him being himself, but Floprya should get worried about implications for her sons, right?

The scene with Sinan is SO indicative of Farya later on – she sits on balcony frustrated because she sits at palace all alone with her sons, while her hubby spends time on one of his parties & watching some (sexy!) dancer after promising her he would be now focused on his family (and even in that scene she still looked so scared of him), Sinan comes, calls her future "Valide Sultan”, she smirks, brightens up & already feels relevant and in better mood, so immediately does what he wants her to do and sends message to Mura/t about Kösem holding meeting with statesmen and ulema about changes in succession law.

Yet another win for Sinan!😂

Farya and Mu*rya stans claiming she was sooo "good-hearted” and they were equals.. were we watching the same show, eh? He didn’t treat her as her “equal” or whatever, even in “their best days”. The relationship was a disaster WAY before he tried to kill her.

I really never hated MY/K ship as much as I hated Mu*ya, a total disaster that really had nothing appealing to me – it was straight-up abusive plus it wasn’t even interesting. I swear even Mihrimah and Rüstem, while thouroughly dysfunctional, were more interesting to watch as a totally fucked up, toxic couple ugh.

- Joanna

Tagging @onlythelonelysurvive because it might be of interest to you and maybe take your mind off your worries :)

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

Why SC shippers are still pieces of crap, episode 249276187329432

So, Jeremy and Chris joked about MonWinn being married and here we have vultures having no lives. Or having lives, but focused on shitting on others because, guess what, they can’t be happy without it. 

Case, number 1

So what we have here? A bunch of homophobes? Last time I checked we KMs were all called like that, because we didn’t ship their precious crack ship, but here they have a problem with people shipping two guys. 

oh sure, Kara doesn’t do anything else just stares at Lena’s boobs, especially when she is TRAPPED IN A KRYPTONITE CAGE AND TORTURED BY LENA. I guess they ignore the tiny, tiny, tinyyyyyyyyy argument why we don’t ship SC - because Lena is a fucking TOXIC PIECE OF CRAP AND NO ONE SANE would ship Kara with her. As for people who scream about toxic ships and why it’s so wrong about shipping karamel or guardiancorp it’s quite amazing how they ignore their OWN FUCKING STANDARDS since season 3. So, what double standards, sweethearts???

Case 2

Here we can only pray I’m afraid, because the amount of shit these two people have in their brains is quite amazing.

Calling Mon-El “ex-slave” owner while stanning Lena is the best joke in SG fandom, too bad Scs are too dumb to realize the irony (maybe in some years, Rao knows). Also, saying that someone is a rapist, with basically zero evidences is one of the most disgusting shit you can say, but well - SC shipper, what to expec? It’s like saying that Lena killed homeless people to get the hearts she experimented on in s4, the problem is she murdered Adam and then Lex, so you can start to wonder :)

Case 3

Yeah, and they gave Lena a villain story, including enslaving people and aliens, raping (oops!) their minds, murdering them with cold blood and torturing the main hero of the show. Irony, again, especially because Mon-El created Legion in Kara’s memory and put a COMET on the Legion rings. While Lena TORTURED Kara and wanted to made her a robot. 

Case 4

The hypocrisy is that for YEARS now SCs have been moaning how disgusting we are for shipping Karamel, how we can’t do it, how much we can screw ourselves with our “ex-slave rapist white privileged fuck boy”, how Karamel is over party blah blah, while HATING ON ACTORS for basically breathing and sending them DEATH THREATS and other shit and they say we are mad because they ship Kara and Lena - look at my dead body rolling on the floor, crying from laughter. Woot, woot!

Case 5

Is Sc/Lena fandom going to call Melissa homophobe again? Call her a whore? Send her and Jeremy death threats? Try to make their career flop? Cancel almost whole SG cast for calling their ship FRIENDS like they are in the canon? Made fun of real life relationship? Because oh boy, do we really want to come back to sweet SDCC17 where SC fandom showed the most disgusting face of the fandom?

Case 6

Oh look, real representation fighters have spoken, because they know shit! Bow to the queens and kings, guys! And awwwww, they allowed us to ship mm ships! We are soooo fucking thankful! Like I don;t know, should we sent them baskets with fruits? Roses? Unicorns???? 

Once again, why we think SC is so toxic? Lena just tortured Kara with kryptonite, manipulated her for months, plotted revange, shot her with misseles, yelled at her, accused of doing shit, produced kryptonite, lied, manupualted blah, blah, I mean, relationship goals???

Case 6 continues

*Takes a deep breath*

*Laughs like a mad hyena*

*calms down*

*nope, laughs more*

Ok, so here we have the example of the hmmm, shippers who... ship two, white, so far straight, privileged, WHITE, hot, young, pretty woman, who so far are not representation, ignoring TWO canon lesbian couples (SS and AK) in favor of their delusional white bread? :)))) Also, friendly reminder that, both Alex love interests were POC characters - real representation. Plus, Lena’s two male LI were POC guys who were horribly hated by basically whole SC fandom, so what? Following this amazing logic of the idiots above, scs are racists?

And, no matter how many times I said I ship/like/support SS or AL I have heard it doesn’t matter, I’m still a homophobe, so you can’t win as long as you are not SC, huh?

But to sum up, let me say that fucking once.

SCS, do you know why we don’t ship Lena and Kara? Why a lot of us want to throw up every time we see Snowflake Luthor’s face on our screens? Why we don’t give a FLYING fuck about her privileged white ass? No, it’s not because we are homophobes - sorry to dissapoint you. You know why? It’s because of YOU :)

Yes, you and your constant fucking moaning about how Mon-El was a rapist, fuck boy, toxic piece of crap everywhere, under every SG official account and post, in our fucking tags, under ACTORS’ posts on twitter and instagram, while your fave piece of crap has done 100 times worse shit than he ever thought about doing.

You and your constant bitching about karamel being toxic and a bad example for little girls, while your fucking ship is made of a main hero of the show that you treat like a shit, becasue she “betrayed” (HA HA HA HA for repsecting the main character of the show) your precious murderous, toxic, slave owning, abusive idiot, who TORTURED, YES TORTURED Kara FOR KEEPING A SECRET.

You and your fucking “joking” about meltie, body shaming actors, shitting on every male character who is an obstacle for your shit, harassing cast, producers and writers to get your ship, bullying actors out of the show and CELEBRATING IT, bashing people, KIDS!, for liking something else than you. For doing and posting such disgusting shit that I can’t fucking believe someone with one decent cell in a body could have done that.

You know what you did? Every time I see someone with an avatar of Katie/Lena I immediatelly suspect this person is a piece of crap. Every time I see SC scene, gif or a post I’m disgusted. Not because it’s a ship made of two women, but because I associate that with a constanf fucking BULLYING and other disgusting shit I have been seeing for the past 3 years. 

And you know why we ship MonWinn? Listen, because this is going to be a surprise of your lives- because we want our fave characters to be happy, you fucking morons. Got it? Or do I need to draw you a fucking comic book, because I suspect reading is too advanced for you all.

And now you can go fuck yourselves, because this and hating on others is the only thing that keep you alive. Without it you have no fucking idea what to do. What is absolutely HILARIOUS. And the fact you think we call you delusional, because of shipping SC. Nah, you are delusional because you think that after THREE FUCKING YEARS of you harassing and molesting whole SG crew and other fandoms, you are going to get your ship. 

[koryuoftheriverflow]

Cap’s always been a gay icon. I wish Endgame had remembered that.

After the movie I couldn’t help but feel betrayed by that ending, for various reasons: chief among them was the blatant disregard for the subtext present in the 3 cap movies. 

Cap’s character has been interpreted as bisexual for a very long time now (first in the comics and then in the MCU), and for a reason. 

We all knew nothing was gonna happen between Steve and Bucky, but we also didn’t suspect that we were going to be given a healty dose of no homo. Because that’s ultimately what poor Peggy was reduced to.

I can only assume it was done to put the nail in the gay coffin once and for all, after the debate that happened in the last couple of years about Steve’s relationship with Bucky in the movies and also in the comics. We all remember the reviews after The Winter Soldier and Civil War, the #givecapaboyfriend thing on twitter and the 180 Marvel pulled on Planet Hulk, going as far as to change an actual panel because Steve and Bucky were holding hands in victory in it. Like, the straights are wild.

So, I wasn’t expecting much from the announcement that we were getting a gay character in Endgame: I already suspected they were going to be minor. But, in light of that ending, I think Joe Russo’s character was only there to avoid accusations of homophobia. And it’s honestly disheartening because that scene could have been great! 

Let me explain.

Again, I’m not delusional enough to believe that they would make Steve canonically bisexual: I know the world we live in and the company that owns the MCU. But! Captain America has been a gay icon for decades and it would have been nice to see him at least show support, or acknowledge in some way that he understood the man’s struggle. 

I say this, because everytime gay rep is brought up in relation to Cap, I remember one of my favourite issues from the comics.

In Volume 1 #296, Cap is trying to save his childhood friend Arnie Roth (MCU!Bucky is a mix of the Bucky from the comics and Arnie, in this regard) who’s been kidnapped by Baron Zemo and Mother Superior. In a previous issue Arnie’s boyfriend Michael had been abducted as well.

Cap goes to the rescue!

When Cap finds Arnie, he is under some kind of mind control and gives a speech about how being gay is something shameful; he says that the nazis were right to lock them away in the camps and that their love isn’t real and natural. He then accuses Steve of being homosexual as well. Why would he still be his friend otherwise? At this point, Arnie manages to overcome the brainwashing (I wonder who else fought being mind controlled for Steve...)

Cap finally breaks down the barrier put in place by Zemo and Mother Superior to stop him from rescuing his friend. Arnie is drained and collapses in front of him.

Now here comes my favourite part.

Captain America gently cradles his friend in his arms and tells him that his love for Michael is pure and exactly the same as his love for Bernie (Cap’s girlfriend at the time). It is the people who don’t accept him the ones who should be ashamed. Steve’s mind then goes immediately to Bucky who, like Michael (unfortunately dead) is another victim in his “private little war”. It’s not explicitly spelled out, obviously, but it’s very telling that Cap, who’s been accused in the previous panel of being “one of us” immediately thinks about his long lost friend in relation to a gay couple. Just saying...

Now, shipping goggles aside, I think it is very interesting that Cap defines homophobes as a disease. The choice of words isn’t casual at all.

This issue is from August 1984. Let that sink in. 

We’re in the middle of the AIDS epidemic, at a time when Reagan was happy to let the gay community die and this disease was still called GRID. And yet! Captain America, symbol of the nation, was fighting tooth and nail to save his openly gay friend from the clutches of Nazi monsters who didn’t accept him or his love for another man. 

Steve not only defends his friend, but draws a perfect parallel between Arnie’s gay relationship with Michael and his love story with a woman, effectively equating these two types of bond, no differences at all between the two.

So you understand now why I am genuinly upset that in the year of our Lord 2019 we got this sorry excuse of representation, and a regression of Steve’s character that ignores all the subtext built up in his 3 solo movies for the sake of a heterosexual relationship that was over before even starting. 

When a comic book from 35 years ago, from what has been one of the darkest moments in queer history, treats the gay community with a compassion and respect that are totally lacking in a movie filmed in the allegedly modern days of meaningful representation, well... you know that something’s rotten.

[pocket-luv101]

Across Time || Chapter 12

Fandom: Servamp Ships: KuroMahi (main), LawLicht (side) Characters: Kuro, Mahiru, Hyde, Licht

Summary: Mahiru falls into a well and is taken to a new, fantasy world. He comes across a half-blooded cat demon trapped in a tree. After he frees Kuro, he helps him collect the shards of the sacred jewel. (KuroMahi, InuYasha AU)

Ch.1 || Ch.2 || Ch.3 || Ch.4 || Ch.5 || Ch.6 || Ch.7 || Ch.8 || Ch.9 || Ch.10 || Ch.11 || (Ch.12) ||

“Do you two know about the demon slayers and where they may live?” Mahiru asked Kuro and Hyde as they were preparing to leave the cabin. “While I was gathering herbs this morning, I met one. We didn’t talk for long but he told me that the jewel was created in his village. Maybe they can tell us more about the jewel and how we can reform it once we gather all the shards.”

“The jewel was created thousands of years ago and there are many rumours around how it was created. No one knows it’s true origin or much about it except that it holds the power of demons and miko.” Kuro sat next to Mahiru who had a map spread before him. “The demon slayers’ village is in the mountains but I don’t know where exactly. They move every few years to stay hidden.”

“Even if we knew where the demon slayers live, we can’t possible go to them for help. They’re demon slayers. The moment they see us, they’ll try to kill us.” Hyde reminded them. He thought that Kuro would be more logical but he went along with Mahiru’s plan without argument. “I’ve met a few demon slayers and they despise us. I vote that we continue to gather the shards. No detours.”

“The demon slayers are gathering the shards as well so we’ll have to talk to them eventually. Thinking simply, it’s best if we approach them first. The demon slayer I met had a pet nekomata and they were close. He works with a demon so we should try to talk to him at least.” Mahiru said and looked to Kuro for help. “At least let me talk to them alone. They might be more willing to speak with me since I’m human.”

Kuro understood both of their argument. But, after their encounter with Touma, it was clear they needed more allies for their journey. He was powerful and they didn’t know when they would have to face him again. The wolf clan were in hiding so they couldn’t ask them for help. On the other hand, Kuro didn’t know if the demon slayer village would be willing to help them. He didn’t feel comfortable making Mahiru go into the village by himself either.

“We don’t know where the village is exactly. With Touma searching for the jewels as well, we can’t take a long break to search for it.” Kuro reasoned. He noticed how Mahiru frowned and his disappointment tugged at his heart. “We have to cross the mountain to reach the next town. While we’re going through the path, we can search for both the village and the shards. If we don’t meet a slayer, we move on.”

“Okay,” Mahiru nodded with a smile. He folded the map and placed it in his backpack. He hoped that they would be able to meet Licht again since Mahiru assumed he was willing to work with demons. Kirara was a nekomata and Licht treated it kindly. “Let’s go. We don’t want to waste the day and demons come out at night.”

“Just give me a moment to clean up the firepit. It should only take me a moment so you can wait outside.” Hyde lied but Mahiru didn’t question his words. He took his bag and walked outside. When Kuro would’ve followed him, his brother stopped him. Kuro knew that Hyde wanted to speak with him in private from how serious his eyes were.

The moment Mahiru closed the door, Hyde said: “Do you truly believe asking the demon slayers for help is a good idea? Can we even trust Mahiru? He doesn’t understand a lot of common things and he has to ask about them. Don’t you think that it’s a little strange?”

“You should learn to trust people more.” Kuro said. He was certain that he would also be suspicious if he hadn’t spent so much time with Mahiru. They hadn’t explained to Hyde that Mahiru was from the future either. He thought of a vague explanation. “Mahiru grew up in a peaceful village. You can call it another time with how different it is.”

“That explains why he’s so naïve.” Hyde sighed. “You weren’t this naïve years ago though. Mahiru has made you more hopeful and optimistic. I can’t decide if that’s a good or bad thing because you’re now delusional enough to talk to slayers.”

“I trust Mahiru’s judgement in people.” Kuro said and looked at him through the window. “You will see that he’s right after we talk with that demon slayer he mentioned.”

“Why did Father order me to stay in the village? The castle requested our strongest slayers so I should’ve gone with them.” Licht complained to Kirara. He sat on the wooden gate that protected his village from demons. He stared at the path his father and the other slayers took earlier that morning. A nearby castle requested their services to kill a demon who attacked them for the past three nights.

“While the lord wanted our strongest, we cannot send you. You need to be here to protect our village while your father is away.” His mother said next to him. He understood the reason but he hated being left behind. Since he started training as a child, he was taught that slayers survived by fighting together. She seemed to read his thoughts because she added, “Everyone will come home safe.”

“Because angels fight together.” He repeated the comforting phase his mother taught him.

“The mission shouldn’t take more than a few hours and your father will be home soon. There’s a lot of work to do in that time so come down. Kranz made new boots for you and we want to see how well you can fight with the new design.” She lightly told him. She gave both Licht and Kirara a light pat before she descended from the gate.

Licht was about to follow her but he noticed something in the mountain path. A storm of sand approached them rapidly. Even from a distance, he knew that it was an army of scorpion demons approaching them. He jumped to his feet to warn the village but the flare of a horn interrupted him. He thought the others noticed the demon as well. “Demon bears are approaching on the west.”

“More demons?” He cursed. Most of their slayers were gone so it would be difficult to defend their village. They didn’t have time to evacuate either. Licht whistled and Kirara grew to the size of a tiger. He sat on its back and it took him to his mother below. “We’re being flanked by demons. The archers can take down the bears but the scorpions’ armour is too thick.”

“We need to send a message to your father and tell him that we’re under attack. We’ll fight the demons as long as we can until reinforcement returns. Licht, you’re the fastest person here so you have to be the one to send the message.” She told him.

“But I need to be here to fight!” Licht argued. He couldn’t stand the thought of running away while his village fought the approaching demons. The ground shook beneath his feet and he knew they didn’t have time to argue. The demons would be upon them soon. “Angels don’t run away. We fight together.”

“Get your father! You can’t defeat so many demons at once and we need help. Go before it’s too late.” She said and ran into the fray to help the other slayers fight. He wanted to fight with them but he couldn’t counter his mother’s argument. He climbed off Kirara and pointed towards the fight.

“Help protect the village while I get Father. I’ll be back soon.” He said and the nekomata nodded. The castle was nearby and he hoped they weren’t in the middle of the mission so they return quickly. Licht squeezed through a small opening in the gate and hurried down the path. He was known for his speed and how he seemed to fly whenever he ran. He prayed that his legs wouldn’t fail him.

Behind him, the sound of battle spurred him faster. The path to the castle was a blur to him because his focus was saving his village. He spotted the looming building before him but he didn’t feel hope or relief. Licht could hear a demon’s roar and they were likely in the middle of fighting. He didn’t want to abandon the castle but there was only one demon there while there were hundreds approaching his village.

A few soldiers in front of the gate tried to stop him but Licht was easily able to evade their attacks. He ducked beneath their swords and skidded to a stop in front of the door. He forced open the gate with a powerful kick. Licht took a few steps into the courtyard but he immediately fell to his knees. His hands flew over his mouth to stop himself from throwing up.

In front of Licht, a halfblooded cat demon stood over his dead father and friends.

He felt a sharp pain shot through his chest but he realized it was caused by more than the sight before him. Licht touched his chest that was warm from his own blood. An arrow struck his shoulder and he glanced behind him. His vision became hazy but he was certain that he saw Mahiru with his bow raised. Licht collapsed to the ground.

“I smell blood. A lot of it too.” Kuro stopped when the strong scent of blood caught his attention. His stomach turned and he covered his nose. Hyde did the same and they both turned to where the smell was thickest. Mahiru followed their gaze and saw smoke drifting above the mountaintops. He immediately took Kuro’s hand and pulled him forward.

“Slow down, Mahiru. These mountain paths are dangerous and you’re going to break your neck if you fall.” Kuro warned. He didn’t stop running as he swept Mahiru into his arms. He wasn’t surprised and he allowed him to carry him up the mountain. “That could be the demon slayers’ village or a demon attack. Do you sense a jewel shard nearby?”

“No.” Mahiru became more worried the closer they came to the smoke. The air was far too quiet. If a strong demon had attacked, it was likely gone by now. He didn’t to imagine the scene they would find for Kuro’s expression to be so grim. He wrapped him arms around his neck and pressed his face against his skin. Kuro was strong and brave and Mahiru hoped to share both with him.

They almost fell back down the mountain when they were meet with a logged wall. Kuro stabbed his claws into the wood to keep them from falling. He looked back to his brother and he was relieved to find that Hyde hadn’t fallen. The ledge next to the gate was thin and he could easily picture more reckless demons falling for the trap.

“Traps like these are the demon slayer’s specialties. I think we found their village.” Kuro hoped that the village survived the attack. Between the smoke and blood, he almost hesitated to enter the village. He didn’t want the sight to scar Mahiru but he reminded himself that he was stronger than most. He stood on the thin ledge and said, “If we walk around this wall, we should find a door eventually.”

“Or we can be direct.” Hyde said and gripped the lower bar of the gate. He struggled to pull it up and Kuro helped him. As the spikes raised out of the ground, Hyde kicked the sturdy wood. Once there was a hole in the gate, they dropped the bar. The ground shook slightly when it hit the dirt again and Kuro placed his hand on Mahiru’s back to keep him balanced.

Hyde broke off more of the fence and squeezed through the opening they made. The fact that a slayer hasn’t attacked us yet was a bad sign to him. He cursed softly when he saw the ravaged village. Human and demon bodies laid over the ground. He scanned the village but it was difficult to see if there were any survivors. “Slayers are strong warriors so I can’t imagine they would be ambushed so easily.”

“We should bury their bodies out of respect.” Mahiru said. He wished they had come across the village earlier so they could’ve helped defend the slayers.

“Be careful, Mahiru. There may still demons here so we should kill them before we bury the villagers.” He warned. Kuro noticed a large cat demon prowl through the wreckage and nudge a few of the bodies. It didn’t seem violent but he was still wary of the demon. While he summoned his claws, Mahiru let go of his hand and walked towards the nekomata.

“Kirara, is that you? It’s me, Mahiru. Do you recognize me?” He took out a biscuit as he approached the demon carefully. Kirara walked to him and sniffed his hand before it licked the treat from his palm. Mahiru petted the cat and spoke softly. “Where is Licht? Are there any survivors?”

“I know you’ve been spending a lot of time with my brother but I don’t think you can talk to a wild nekomata.” Hyde’s voice caught the demon’s attention and it growled at him. It calmed once Mahiru scratched its ear gently. “We won’t learn much about the sacred jewel here. Let’s start digging graves and make markings for them.”

“Wait, Kirara says that there are other slayers.” Kuro knelt in front of the large cat. He was able to understand the demon vaguely and repeated its words. “The village’s most powerful slayers were sent on a mission earlier today. The demons attacked shortly after they left. Its owner, Licht, went to get them but he hasn’t returned yet.”

“If there are survivors, I don’t know how to tell them about what happened here.” Mahiru’s voice was filled with sympathy. Kuro stood behind him and placed his hand on his shoulders.

“Father?” Licht’s sight was blurry when he woke and it took him a moment to focus his vision. His body was warm and a thick blanket laid over him. He tried to push it off him but pain shot through him whenever he moved. He fought the dull ache in his shoulder and sat up. The room around him was unfamiliar and he muttered, “Where am I?”

“You shouldn’t move with your injury.” He turned to the voice. He hadn’t heard the man enter the room and his sudden appearance made Licht suspicious. The man wore a spider mask so he couldn’t read his expression for lies. “My name is Touma and you are in my castle. The demons fled shortly after you arrived.”

“What about my father and the other slayers. Are they in another room?” He asked and touched the bandages over his chest. They managed to treat his wounds so he prayed they were able to help his family as well. He remembered his mother and threw off the blanket. “How long have I been asleep? I need to speak with my father and go back to my village!”

His determination was stronger than his body. Licht slumped to the ground but he claws at the floor to stand again. The man knelt in front of him and said, “You are the only demon slayer left. The halfblooded demon you saw killed the others. I heard rumours that they planned the attack on your village.”

A shudder passed over his body and his hands tightened in the bedding. “Give me my armour and boots. I will track down that bloody demon and the man with the arrow. I’ll avenge my village.”

“You’re still injured so you cannot fight them with your own power. But you can get revenge with this,” Touma held out a jewel shard to him.

Mahiru sat on Kirara’s back and let the large cat take him to the castle. The nekomata wouldn’t allow the others onto its back so Kuro and Hyde walked behind them. Kuro knew they could trust the demon because Mahiru recognized it from his brief meeting with Licht. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous when he saw how he scratched its ears.

Kirara’s ears perked and it started to trot forward. Mahiru was confused by its sudden excited demeanour until he looked ahead of them. He spotted Licht and Mahiru waved to him. “You’re alive, Licht! It’s me, Mahiru. Do you remember me?”

Licht didn’t answer but he walked towards them. At first, Mahiru assumed that they were too far for Licht to hear them. He gasped when Licht seemingly vanished and reappeared in front him. He kicked his arm and knocked him off Kirara’s back. Mahiru hit the ground hard and his hand scrapped against the dirt. He couldn’t recover quickly enough to summon a shield to defend himself from Licht’s next kick.

Kuro took Mahiru’s arm and pulled him away from his attack. “Why does everyone we meet attacks us before they say hello? Can’t deal.”

“Licht has a piece of the jewel in his back.” He told him. Kuro kept a hand on his hip even after he stood. Mahiru faced Licht but he hesitated to fight him. He remembered the kind smile he had when they first spoke and his instincts told him that he was a good person. “Why did you attack us, Licht? Is it because Kuro and Hyde are demons? They not violent so—”

He wasn’t given a chance to finish when Licht continued to attack them. He was quick and Mahiru was certain that he wouldn’t be able to evade his kick without Kuro. He clung to his arm as he jumped back. The ground cracked beneath Licht’s foot and Kuro held Mahiru tighter against his side. “I don’t think your demon slayer friend is going to listen to you.”

A dark chuckle caught their attention. Touma stood a few feet behind Licht but he merely watched the battle. “Son of Hanako, your spiritual power is strong but it’s useless against a human. Licht, once you defeat these two, please return to my castle.”

Touma turned and left. Mahiru slipped out of Kuro’s arms and tried to chase after him. His instincts told him that the demon manipulated Licht to fight them. Thinking simply, the best way to end the battle without his friends being hurt was to force Touma to tell Licht the truth. He took an arrow from his quiver as he ran. “Stop!”

“Your opponent is me.” Licht stepped into his path and kicked his arrow out of his hands. “Demon slayers have a duty to protect humans. You forfeit that right the moment you and your friend targeted my village. My parents are dead because of you!”

“This is a misunderstanding, Licht!” He realized that Licht thought that they were the ones who attacked the demon slayers. A storm of anger and grief fueled his attacks. Mahiru questioned if they would be able to reason with him when he was so upset. He tried to chase Touma again but it was impossible with Licht’s relentless attacks. He lifted his leg high into the air to kick them again.

Hyde’s sword came between them to cut through his attack. He was shocked by how quickly the slayer adjusted his attack. Licht brought his foot down on the flat face of his sword. The power behind his attack forced him onto one knee but Hyde managed to hold his stance. Licht glared down at him while Hyde gave him a roguish smirk. “I can’t let you kill my brother and his mate, Angel Cakes.”

“An angel doesn’t need permission from a demon like you. I won’t let anyone get in the way of my revenge. Step aside, Shit Rat.” He ordered and placed more pressure on the sword. Hyde was impressed by his strength but he knew it wasn’t time for admiration. He tilted his sword and Licht’s foot slipped off his blade. He rested his sword on his shoulder to stop him from attacking again.

Licht knew that the demon would cut him the moment he moved. Hyde didn’t take his eyes off him as he spoke to his brother. “Kuro, Mahiru, go after Touma. I’ll keep this man busy.”

“Okay. Be careful, Hyde.” Kuro was confident that his brother would be able to defend himself against a demon slayer. He took Mahiru’s hand and they ran after Touma.

“Don’t you dare try to run away!” Licht ducked beneath his blade and tried to stop the two. He didn’t have much strength left so he had to defeat the two quickly. He needed to defeat the irritating demon before him first. While the blond man appeared human, Licht could sense his demonic aura. He dodged the man’s blade and kicked his leg. “Out of my way, Shit Rat.”

“I can’t do that. I understand how you feel when you said you want to take revenge on my brother. In fact, I felt the same just three days ago.” His smile annoyed Licht. He didn’t know how he could banter in the midst of a fight. He noticed how the demon didn’t counter his strikes and only blocked. “You’re in no shape to kill anyone.”

“I’m an angel.” He said simply and kicked him. Hyde gripped his wrist and jerked him forward to throw him off balance. When he fell into his chest, Hyde placed his hands on his waist and threw him on his shoulder. Licht thrust his spiked boot into his stomach. “Put me down!”

“You shouldn’t struggle so much, Angel Cakes. It smells like you lost a lot of blood and I don’t want you to lose more.” Hyde patted his leg and walked forward. Licht continued to struggle but then Kirara moved in front of them. He thought his pet would help him but it licked his hand instead. Kirara seemed to trust the demon even though it must’ve witness them attack their home.

Once he paused, Hyde said: “It’s time to talk.”

“Should we really leave Hyde like we did?” Mahiru asked. He readied his arrow as Kuro carried him on his back. “There’s no need to fight since the reason Licht attacked us is a misunderstanding. We also need more people if we’re going to face Touma since he’s so strong. I don’t know if I can summon a strong shield like yesterday.”

“Hyde can handle himself. That demon slayer appears strong but it’s obvious that he’s injured and can’t fight well. We should focus on Touma.” Kuro told him. He was more concerned by Touma’s earlier comment. Attacks fuelled by spiritual energy were ineffective against humans. Did Touma manipulate Licht to specifically target Mahiru? The thought made his stomach turn and he tightened his hold on Mahiru.

On his back, Mahiru released his arrow but it barely nicked him. He couldn’t aim well because the fur cloak billowed wildly in the air. He forced himself not to become frustrated and drew another arrow. Mahiru gathered his spiritual powers and aimed at Touma’s back. His arrow flew from his fingers and struck Touma.

His body didn’t fall to the ground like Mahiru expected it would. He didn’t seem to be affected by the arrow. Thick roots grew beneath Touma and lifted him into the air. Kuro skidded to a stop and used his claws to destroy one of the roots. The tendril felt like stone. He cursed when the root reformed and attacked him again. “I hate spiders.”

“Touma, how many lives do you have to ruin while you search for the shards?” Mahiru yelled. “You’re strong enough to take people’s shards without tricks and schemes but you choose to be needlessly cruel.”

“I only told the demons in the mountain that the slayer’s village would be lightly guarded today. The slayers often claim to be a strong group who can defeat any demon but, in the end, they’re all pitiful humans. Their pride and delusions are what killed them.” Touma brushed aside Mahiru’s words with his nonchalant tone. “Foolish humans are easy to manipulate.”

Something in the sky caught Touma’s attention and he looked up. Licht leapt off Kirara’s back and kicked his chest. His attack hurled him back to the ground and dirt rose into the air at the impact. He stood over his still body and glowered. “We are angels.”

Hyde had brought him to the battle a few moments early. The confession created a storm of rage within Licht. He didn’t know how he let himself be tricked by a demon. He hadn’t sensed a demonic presence when they spoke in the castle. As he glared down at Touma, understanding dawned on him. “You call my village pitiful but you’re to scared to be here and fight yourself.”

Licht stomped on his heart and the body dissolved into sand. A strange, wooden doll laid broken beneath his feet once the dust settled. Mahiru was confused until Licht explained, “A dirty trick. He created a demon doll of himself and sent it to fight you.”

“That would explain why he wasn’t as strong as the last time we faced him.” Hyde burned the remains of the doll so it couldn’t reform. Mahiru approaches Licht and smiled kindly at him.

“Thank you for your help, Licht. Can you show me the wound on your back?” Mahiru asked. Licht didn’t answer him because it was too painful to speak. He sank to the ground and Mahiru understood that he was accepting his help. He held out his hands to his back and summoned his spiritual energy to heal the wound. “Does it hurt?”

“The jewel shard repressed my pain. Take it out.” Licht unfastened his shirt and slid it off his shoulder. When Mahiru didn’t immediately take the shard, he looked over his shoulder to him. “If you’re afraid of hurting me, don’t. I don’t want the jewel in my body or else its power might corrupt me.”

“We wanted to visit your village to ask you about the jewel since it was created there.” Hyde said and Mahiru lightly hit his arm.

“Licht has been through a lot so we should give him time to recover before we ask him anything.” He chastised him. Mahiru took the jewel from his back and healed the wound. “Do you want to go back to your village where you can recover more?”

“My village…” Licht bit his lip when he thought of his family. Tears rose in his through but he stopped himself from crying. He didn’t want to break down in front of strangers. A warm haori fell over him and he looked up to see that Hyde was the one who gave him the jacket. He pulled the fabric over his face and he let his grief flow as tears.

Mahiru rubbed his back to comfort him. “I’m sorry that this happened to you, Licht. Is there anything we can do?”

“Help me avenge my village.”

[ulookgoodtoday]

This is gonna be a long rant

No need to say this but I am a CS, I strongly believe they were in love and actually believe they still are. If you don’t see it I’m sorry for you bc it means you’ve never been in love and seen someone staring at you like they do. 
Plus our captain Dinah (and her aunt) made it pretty clear. If you’re in doubt it could also be bc of the narrative stupid managers tried to pull, but honestly anyone can see through it. I suggest you read Emisons Camren theory and post about synchronization (which I found out after I made my mind clear ab Camren) which makes perfectly sense and was confirmed to be true at 98% by ExposingLaucy.

Let me say that of course this is just my opinion and I ALWAYS take into consideration that it could be not real. I respect L and C personal life and never dare to intrude or comment their post on social networks. I want them to be happy and if they are now (I believe they are) I am happy. They can be whom whoever THEY want.

Said so, here’s my delusional Camren theory. It’s not about proving Camren is real but an analysis of their relationship (I tried to be accurate, considering songs, interviews, trustworthy sources, timing).

I believe they had feelings for each other since the beginning (2012-3), especially C, but they genuinely thought they were just friends or that it was nothing serious (ExposingLaucy said C was the one to fell in love - “Mine is Lauren” “Who are u kissing under the mistletoe?” Her obsession with “Normani”- and L slowly fell in love w her). That’s why L gave birth to Camren “it’s Camren yo” (16 oct 2012) and why they were so explicit in the interviews, on camera, tumbrl, twitter, bc they thought it was a joke and were really close. Then ppl started to see what basically they couldn’t see or admit to themselves yet (love in their eyes), ppl started shipping them and assuming they were together but again they brushed it away and even invited us to float that f boat (Nov 2013). I believe if they ever kissed before 2014 it was as a joke, at least for L (“What happened in the elevator?” Feb 2013 DinahJane on twitter. #camrenfeels 28th June 2013 and the photo of them cuddling, L saying “Thanks babe” Feb 2014 and being totally chill with it) and above all they never talked about it.

I know C said back then that her first kiss was at 17 (and everyone assumed it was with Austin but could have been with L - April 2014) and then in a recent interview ab her album she said she was 16 when she had her first kiss so it could be 1) they kissed before 2) they kissed before but as a joke and then, after realizing how they felt for each other, she reconsider that kiss 3) she messed up with her memory, she gets confused by all the bs they made her say during these years. In the same interview she said she had her first breakup at 17, which could be her telling bs and alluding at her breakup with Austin (even tho in other interviews she dismissed that relationship) or what I’ll explain later about her relationship with L.

I think C was the first to realize she had feelings for L and that’s when she wrote “Only told the moon” (where she’s scared ab her emotions and afraid the other person won’t feel the same way) even though she wrote a tweet “only told the moon” in Jun 2015. What we know through EL is that they were both each other’s first kiss and everything. [plus I’m still not over Sep 2013 when C cries singing Who are you and L glances at her every other second].

We assumed Camren real first kiss was in April 2014 (1975 concert) and it is rumored that L broke up w Brad in Dec 2014 after 8 moths. Now, I don’t believe they had an actual relationship but more a fling and not that long (L was supposed to be w Luis Felipe right? They broke up Aug 2014. And in July we have the suspicious Camren’s moans in the bunk). ANYWAY the import part is that Brad wrote I found a girl that goes "she said that she tried but she's not into guys". So now what I think is that that's basically L freaking out about the kiss she had with C because she realized she had feelings for her (so more than friendship), trying to convince herself she's not into girls, rushing into Luis and then B to prove herself wrong, then again going back to C still confused until she figures it out later. Especially when you are bisexual the process can be hard because you try to understand where you stand, if you like boys OR girls, so it’s confusing when you have feelings for both and u try to deny one or the other until you realize bisexual is A THING. The Vamps made it clear that the song is for L and then took a photo with a “Camren is real” sign in the back (well done Brad, you’re an asshole). In the song he also said that this girl started to talk to him about the other girl she was involved with, so he knew who L was in love with.

In 2014 C is in a PR relationship with Austin Moron and I think C wrote The Exchange song (unreleased as well) about that period. I came up with the timing according to a period when they were both dating others; after Chocolate by 1975 was out - we’re dressed in black, head to toe, it’s from that song while C wrote “we’ll be dressed in, all black from head to toe” and twitted it in apr 2015; also C’s tweets with the lyrics of the song - “there’s nothing like me and you and you know it” Apr 2014 -  and L indirects. I think it’s ab Lauren also bc she wrote “there’s beats I’ve been skipping when my head is on your chest” and I‘ve never seen C doing that with a boy. Plus the part where she says the other person knows there’s nothing like the two of them and “you’ve been trying to say it ain’t true” so again L rushing into L/B.

Also you can tell that their relationship was never defined properly by the fact that C many times during interviews referred to a relationship she had and described it as “sort of friendship “ or “romantic relationship or whatever that was”( also look for unreleased song of C, she said she wrote it when she was 17, “Like friends do” = I’ll sit straight it the couch like friends so. And I’ll stop kissing your mouth like friends do. Cause I can’t look at you quite like friens do. You don’t say my name quite like friends do).

I think after Brad and A, they were together, during 2015 (that’s when C appeared with the ring - EL said L gave it to C in Feb 2015 - and when they try to hide and look distant in front of the camera, yet close behind cameras) but still in a confused way during all that year, with ups and downs. I’d say C was pretty cool with her sexuality while L had more difficulties; and that explains to me why C cries singing Who are you basically every time (remember the girls co-worked in writing this one, if you look up on google you can see how Camila and Lauren’s names are the first ones written). Also that’s when she could have come up with IHQ bc she said she started writing it two years before it was released (May 2017). “My name was safest in your mouth”, “your voice, it was the most familiar sound” “i was there when no one was” and in the end - this part could have been written back then or in 2017 but either way express a miscommunication- “How do I fix it? Can we talk? Can we communicate” and “Do I wanna fix it? Is it my fault? Do u miss me?”.

I think that Lauren was the one that struggled the most (from the beginning 2013), she also said in an interview (2017) that when she was little was very confused and that people calling her bisexual/gay made her angry because she couldn’t understand how they figured it out and what was about her that made them think that. It’s also tricky was she said just after that. The interviewer asked her “Did your parents know before you came out?” ab your sexuality and she said “yes, they knew before, I was dating a girl AT THE TIME so they had to know”. So ok, who was she dating tho? Lucy? Yeah right.

I think that they had a shit load of pressure from managers to not be together and at least behave in front of the camera. I remember L (think it was Sept 2015) in an interview she said “when life hits love sometimes you just die”, i mean that’s daaark, girl! Anyways, that must have led to a lot of fights between the two of them especially because you can see how in a lot of interviews C kept staring L or doing things that were pointing obviously to Camren while L was trying harder to hide it. I think C might have felt rejected and they didn’t talk about all of this (and you can tell again by their songs that they had relationship where they didn’t comunicate - expectation, something’s gotta give, in the dark, IHQ.. someone put also In your phone but L didn’t write that one).

I think that’s when C wrote Must be love, this songs screams Camren like maybe no other and describes this period. In fact she says she fell hard, that she gets mad and puts on a show, there are highs and lows, everything gets real after two am (secret relationship), that she’s gonna look at her right back and “I promise you won’t like that” (L pissed every time C is explicit) and they fuss and fight but yet she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Also it’s a link to Consequences, which is in the album (in Must be love she goes “I guess everything has consequence”) and this song has no straight-relationship explanation. Through Consequences C describes her relationship w L and what had caused. I believe she is telling us all that she loved L so much she didn’t care about the consequences that came with it, which is f managers treating them like shit, make them hide it and led to them fight as well. It is not coincidence that she wrote this in Jan 2017 after she was out the group. It is not a coincidence that in concert before playing Consequences she always sings Falling in love (“Wise men say only fools rush in” is also the beginning of Must be love). And there are links to “She loves control” in my opinion which I think describes L and maybe the role she played in all this Camren shit. (Ok C has stated that she has OCD but she doesn’t go to club and when she’s in love she fell hard so u know, so much for the control). In Must be love says “you control me more than you’ve ever known” and in Sangria Wine “yo so que tu quieres controlar mi mente” that made me think the person she’s talking ab in She loves control might not be herself but another person. Many were shook about L singing “she doesn’t let me have control anymore” in Strangers which is a HELL of a coincidence but I think Halsey wrote it so I’m not sure whether we should consider it or not.

During 2015 to 2016 we saw a lot of things that suggested the ups and down. Remember that 2015 C had major anxiety problems and a lot of trash was thrown from the fandom (especially after IKWYDLS). C saying she rather date someone out of the industry but “you can’t decide who you fall in love with, UNFORTUNATELY”. Or when they fought in another interview when C was being too obvious bc she said she would marry her celebrity crush (or any crush) even if their parents did not approve, tho she didn’t say who her crush was but “it’s important” and “i’d be in love with my celebrity crush” (she always said it was Lauren). Or when they tried to make each other jealous.

Then 2016 is tricky. They started the 7/27 tour and again we see ups and downs but mostly L more at ease with her feelings for C. I think C was still struggling with her anxiety problems and all the narrative the managers were forcing the 5 of them to follow (they were prep C’s departure). I remember how L broke down 8 Sep 2016 singing No way, she always said that it was her fav song and described it as a dialogue happening in a couple; a toxic situation, two people who wants to be together but know shouldn’t be together and also ppl from the outside telling them they shouldn’t be together (she was so into this song that during a soundcheck she said she actually could imagine a visual and music video for it). She also cried during Scared to be happy and then tweeted after the concert the she got emotional because of the LYRICS. This was in Phoenix after the show in Texas where we saw Lucy. So that made me think she was struggling back then (remember that 4 days before, C left the stage in Missouri for anxiety), trying to figure out what to do between what she felt and also the pressure for the outside (maybe C, sure as hell managers and the PR ready to come).

I think that L in 2016 realized that she wanted to commit, as I said she seemed more at ease with her sexuality. She was happy during photos with CS, she danced with the pride flag, we have the blurry kiss in London (May 2016) in front of Lucy (!!), L even interacted with C during sound-checks and sang Dope to C (who was pretty surprised), she protected her from those balloons, C and L staying one more day in Barcelona, we had the VMAs (August 2016), she called her baby and so on. She seemed very protective. I believe that’s bc they were prepping the Laucy thing and her coming out. EL said they began the process leading to Laucy in June 2016 (remember the two of them in Colombia for L’s birthday, the videos of L dancing BBW to Lucy and so on - Emisonme explained perfectly).

I think that is why she came out in the end, after all this struggles, bc she felt ready, I don’t think she was forced to. Let’s be honest, if she didn’t want to she could have said it wasn’t her in the Laucy photo or she’s not so dumb, you’re at a family wedding and you get caught kissing a girl and the photo got leaked?! I say BS. And then she decided to make a photo book with Lucy as a coming out statement?! If she wasn’t ready to do it, none of this would have happened. I think she did it for two reasons: 1) Trump was pissing her off 2) to tell C that she was ready; they let her do it bc it was convenient for her image and 5h.  At the beginning of Havana - the music video - there’s an awkward scene, completely out of context. A guy comes out of a closet and says “I was in the closet” and C “so now, you’re out of the closet?” And he goes, a bit confused, “yes, for YOU”. Like wtf? C, was it necessary?! And don’t let me start with that video. C is watching the tv and you can here a woman saying in spanish “I want to be with Carmen but I can’t “, you can see a figure very similar to L and in the end C said “I love you, but I love myself more” which again made me think she’s the one that walked away in the end. Camila is giving us so many signs if u don’t see this you’re really dumb.

L obviously couldn’t come out without saying there was another girl, otherwise Camren was automatically confirmed in our mind. And who better than your best friend to help you do so and make it believable? Honestly it was a smart move and all the hate, slut shaming and shit Lucy received, she didn’t deserved it. I believe it was PR and that C was aware of this and supported it but it could have also been difficult for her. Even though she knew it wasn’t real, she might have been scared L might get involved for real, especially if you consider the fact that Camren could never be proud and loud, idk. Emisonme on tumbrl explained the Laucy shit so perfectly that I suggest u read it, I agree with everything she said. Again Emisonme explain PERFECTLY why L could come out as bi while C can’t (and she’s so gay she’s shitting rainbows).

I think shit went down tho, and they fell apart. I don’t know if it was bc of management’s pressure or miscommunication or whatever but apparently C walked away (as she said in many interviews that the situation was toxic - not the relationship - in something’s gotta give and Havana music video and in concert before singing Scar Tissue). I think that their break-up happened during that period of L coming out and C leaving/kicked out fifth harmony but that is so messed up I’m not elaborating [Theory: C leaving 5h was always supposed to happen]. Just remember how Dinah’s aunt said that Lauren would be devastated by the fact C left (”I’m pretty sure Lauren is heartbroken and shook, she is probably crying her brain away. But she already knew. If anything Lauren is leaving too. You gotta have your girl’s back. Of course I’m sure they are going to do a duet like on their own, you know, in the bedroom.”)

That’s when L was reaaally pissed at Camren fans (the tweet in Feb 2017), went a bit sassy in interviews avoiding to talk about C, and after “leaving Lucy” she “started dating Ty” (I call PR huge af). The reasons why she was pissed ab CS could be many, for starters I believe they broke up (so that’s one), n2 she came out and faked a relationship with another girl to protect C’s straight image and yet everyone kept believing in Camren, n3 her managers made her pull her straight image as well starting dating Ty to shut us up BUT I believe the real reason is n4 managers wanted to kill Camren (to launch C’s straight image) and destroy her image (as they did with the marijuana shit they pulled) bc even though i think the first three reasons are true and that’s what was going on in L’s mind I don’t think she would attack her fans and C like that. Anyways L tweeted “eyes on the moon” the day the Grammys (Feb 2017) were held and we know who the moon is.

I think C’s the one who walked away also bc of “Make u mad”, which was written mostly by L and she’s pissed y’all. There are also links btw this song and C’s songs. L also sang Back to me, she collaborated in writing the text but I don’t know to what extent but still a HELL of a coincidence.

I think they first met after all this shit at the Grammy’s after party in Feb 2017 but didn’t interact. Camila was there and she said that “In the dark” is about a boy she met there; then we have L who tweeted just the day after the Grammy’s after party ab waking up with hang over and understanding what’s fake and real. Funfact: read the lyrics of In the dark. “Vampires at the same places” we know Lauren is Lamp. L is running and “making rounds with your fake friends” and again “i can see u’re scared of your emotions, i can see you’re hoping you’re not hopeless” “who are u when it’s 3am and u are all alone” “secrets, endless”. Basically she’s asking this person to show her her real self.

Ppl said they met in March/April 2017 (i think) in studio (Diplo’s?) and I think that’s when C came up with All these years (L had longer hair - she had it cut in 2016; she had gained a bit of weight - that’s for arms stronger; her eyes, I mean WE BEEN KNEW; C was not prepared so she didn’t know L was going to be there; it was a quick hello bc they were not fine back then; “sounds like you’re happy with her” could be L’s PR; “wish I loved u like I miss u” implies that she had a relationship with that person but maybe not loved her in the right way or enough to make it last - she confirmed in an interview that this song is about an ex; who does C knows from YEARS? If I hear another SM shipper I’ll throw up)

Anyways I think that towards the mid of 2017 they kinda reconnected and now they’re in good terms. Remember how C said multiple times how even though it was a toxic situation she’d do it all over again. So that makes me think that they loved each other and the problem was mostly all the environment they were into (if the relationship was trash why on earth would she do it again?!) and C is trying to say to L: baby come back to me.

Since this is not a post w the intent of explaining why Camren is real I won’t elaborate.

In conclusion I think they are still in love (C sang it in every possible way) and probably a couple or working on to be one and the problems in their relationship were due to miscommunication and pressure from the outside.

—> Again Emisonme made super clear why they couldn’t be together in the Music business. 

Stay strong in this PR shit and let them be. Even if they don’t tell us, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. 

Just remember EL said 2018 would be the year of the commitment, 20gayteen everybody.

“I am a lover and a fighter. I will fight for what I love” Go get your girl Lauren

[37h4n0l]

would you please go on an excessive rant about kawoshin? i got a pack of popcorn to microwave i got time

Alright, there’s a whole variety of topics to address here. I think I’ll just make a long bulletpoint list. I’m trying to be reasonable in my saltiness but I’ve lost my patience with the anti-kawoshin stuff. Though if I’m wrong about anything I say on a technical level, I apologize.

[[MORE]]

I’m not surprised by the presence of dudebro fans per se. I’ve never been in a fandom with some level of mass appeal where they didn’t appear. What I’m baffled by is that they don’t just hate Eva considering that, for all the debate around whether ep24 was gay, it’ certainly something they would find gay for two guys to do and the mental gymnastics to no homo kawoshin are way more convoluted. I guess I’m becoming tired of this type of person. And of the fact that every meta community requires one to never say the word ‘gay’ even once, or everything else will be instantly dismissed. Eva is where I officially lost it regarding this topic because it’s so very obviously gay that denying it sounds like straight-up satire. But what do I know, they’re the Serious Fans and I’m just some delusional fangirl, I guess. Let them keep being smug, because clearly, “realism” is acting like lgbt people don’t exist, they got us, it was all a conspiracy to fuck with them.

What is up with the wiki’s editing? Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the work that went into compiling all the information but the ep24 first draft’s wiki page? The exaggerated emphasis placed on it being ‘Just a draft that was rejected!!!!’ And the added commentary on how a lot of draft materials are ‘ABSOLUTELY NOT ANNO’S AUTHORIAL INTENT’ which begins to diverge from the article’s topic itself. They went as far as bolding the phrase. All of this, after explaining that Satsukawa’s drafts are written based on a general outline Anno gives him... Question of the day: what outline did Anno give Satsukawa that led to him writing that draft? The 1-2 episodes’ worth of homoeroticism, you know. Not to mention the actual ep24, the one that was okayed by Anno, which is still, frankly, really gay. Truly, whoever edited that article was the shining star of intellect. Congratulations!

And, about the quest to prove Shinji’s straight, I find it intriguing that every. single. person. brings up the fact that he jacked off to comatose Asuka. Because any normal display of being attracted to women or any of his erotic mental imagery couldn’t have done, you had to pick that as the typical behaviour to represent straight people. Interesting. I don’t understand their rituals, unfortunately. I figure they just wank to unconscious people on the regular since they love talking about it so much.

Meanwhile bisexual people let out a soft sigh at this whole discussion.

My favourite phenomenon, and the one I was originally going to complain about, is the group of people who took the step of admitting kawoshin is canon, but because they’re sore losers they’re trying to demonstrate how it’s unhealthy. I don’t like having to say all of this because some of the analysts on board with this, I actually like a fair amount. But sorry, if it’s a stupid idea, then it’s a stupid fucking idea and I can’t act like it’s not. So, apparently, Kaworu=bad because he’s too idealized and conforms too perfectly with what Shinji wants, and that’s impossible for human beings so that’s — allegedly — why he turns out to be an angel and has to die. I think the second half of this interpretation has elements that make sense. Maybe. In that I agree that having to kill Kaworu was relevant to the plot and Shinji’s character development (‘unraveling’ might be a more accurate word...). But it’s not because there was any problem with kawoshin as a relationship; it’s because Shinji has to learn not to rely on outside factors for self-worth. That doesn’t say anything about how good those outside factors are for him in themselves, just that he has a tendency of making his own value depend on them whether they’re healthy things or not. Declaring Kaworu to be a negative influence because he’s ‘not a Real Person’ is akin to saying Shinji would be better off hanging out with the ‘Real People’ in his life. The choices for healthy bonds are then: 1) Misato, who has issues with drinking and sex and has made moves on Shinji while being twice his age 2) Rei, who is debatably even a single entity and is a clone of Shinji’s mother that he occasionally sees as a substitute for her 3) Asuka, who continuously talks shit to him, beats him up, expects him to fulfill her desires for precocious sexual maturity and is completely insensitive to anything bad happening to him, including the time he almost died 4) Gendo. I’m being harsh. I appreciate all of these characters and it’s independently from their individual complexity that I observe how they keep trying to dump their own issues on Shinji. I don’t know if it’s about gender. I’m never quite sure.

I can’t say much about the Netflix dub that hasn’t been said already. For one thing, changing ‘love’ to ‘like’ makes no sense in terms of the plot. For another, I agree that phrasing means little to nothing with the visuals on screen. But, just to add something to it, the next time I see someone piggybacking on this discourse to express their “sympathy for how the translators are being treated”, I want them to know that it’s really transparent. Also that anyone from the staff could have said “I did this because it’s my job but I don’t think it was a good choice to translate it like that” at any point. But, for all I know, maybe Netflix is some kind of corporate dictatorship where you can’t express mild disagreement with your colleague’s work or you get instantly fired. I don’t quite care what emotional state translators are in because of the backlash. With this attitude, we’d be obligated to suck it up with any divisive higher decision, lest we hurt someone’s feelings by disliking it. It would have been so easy to keep the phrase in. Absolutely no effort. This was done, I believe, intentionally to pander to dudebros because a lot of people involved probably had no clear understanding of what Eva is and which people it attracts, so they went with ‘eh, it’s probably the average mecha fans’. Companies like this want you to sit back and stay comfortable and amoebic, never being exposed to anything that pokes at your sensitivities — so lgbt content needs to be in a segregated place, available for The Gays while everyone else can peacefully avoid it. And we’ll all be content and appeased and really fucking dopamine-hooked on online streaming. It’s gonna be really, really funny when everyone finds out Eva is centered around subversion with or without the homosexual undertones.

To make it clear, I have no way of knowing what goes on in Anno’s head and I would never blame him for anything considering he created kawoshin and Eva as a whole, things that had a positive effect on me. It needs to be said though; are we sure that and only that which he says publicly is an accurate canon fact about the show? Do we really think his public statements don’t go through any filters, especially when it’s about topics like homosexuality? He already got so many death threats over the tv ending that he got pissed and made EoE. Can you imagine what would happen if he declared kawoshin to be canon? Just ponder on this before taking it for granted that him not saying there was a romantic relationship between them means there wasn’t.

Tangentially related; Anno’s “it wasn’t carnal” as well as the draft rejection seems more related to how the ep24 draft would have, according to the staff, looked like borderline porn. I think our perspective on how far Eva goes is a bit skewed by the clusterfuck in EoE. None of the kids really had carnal desires in the original series — no, not even Asuka, she thought she did because of her issues but it’s fairly clear from her introspection and breakdown that she likes only the idea of being physically intimate but is kind of disgusted by the reality of it (washing her mouth after just kissing Shinji), as people normally are at fourteen. I take Anno’s statement more as “Shinji wasn’t blushing because he was turned on”, not that he didn’t like Kaworu romantically.

I find a lot of discussion around representation formulaic and word salad-ish. The same niche terms with no distinct meaning thrown together in random combinations. But I think I understand it somewhat now, to a small degree. I was so happy about kawoshin. I was genuinely so, so happy. Granted, my expectations for canon lgbt are so low they’re approaching the Earth’s core, but this ship gives me so many positive feelings that I don’t want it taken away from me. I don’t have it in me to engage in anyone’s intricate debates on whether it’s canon or not and I have absolutely no time or care for straight fans’ gaslighting on the issue.

[viralgossip]

VIRAL GOSSIP’S TRENDING ARTISTS !!

JUNE 7TH, 2018

wayfinder changed my life 🌠 @lilkayns · 6m with a name like [ REDACTED ] i really have to wonder why people ship them.

follow me ezra!! @ajpeg · 12m the claws are coming out! #TEAM[ REDACTED ]

AH! @pinkangel · 6m who fell harder, [ REDACTED ] from that stage or me when i saw her for the first time?  #toosoon?

NO BETTER WAY TO KICK OFF A NEW EVENT THAN A LITTLE REMINDER AS TO WHO’S ON TOP ↴

#10 IVY SERRANO ( @ivcsisms​ )

proud mom @ivydovey · 16m

#20GAYTEEN is the best thing that’s ever happened to me

Honestly, Ivy is just out here living her best life. In honor of it being Pride month, Serrano took to instagram to reveal that she’s bisexual! Everyone here at Viral Gossip is beyond happy and proud of our #bicon, and we can’t wait to see how many more hearts she breaks since literally anyone is up for grabs right now. Parents, lock up your adult children, no one is safe anymore!  Or maybe everyone is currently safe? After all, Arie Castillo also posted on instagram, although his post announced something different. Castillo posted a picture of our lovely queen, Ivy, as the two decided to take an impromptu trip to Hawaii in honor of Castillo’s birthday. Are the two dating? Will Castillo stop getting passed around from woman to woman? Will Ivy Serrano date me? Let’s hope for the best.

#9 KAILANI ( @kaiilanis​ )

follow me ezra!! @ajpeg · 12m

the claws are coming out! #TEAMKAILANI

Kailani was giving her followers a lot of mixed signals these past few weeks---and we really don’t know what to make of it. It was Kailani, and not ₩ON, who threw shade at Mimi Vang of Afterparty after the Wayfinder Music Festival spectacle, which fueled #KAIWON shippers into a frenzy. Yet, that took place only a few days after Kailani was spotted having a dare-we-say romantic dinner with ₩ON‘s ex, Ruby Rixon. And Afterparty isn’t the only band that the soloist is feuding with---apparently she has beef with Renegade and its lead singer Axel Leitch as well.

#8 ROSE QUARTZ ( @jettblvck​, @corinnasrose​, @jcdehq​, @kitwildc​ )

148 days!  @jetts_wife · 6m

#bett is old news and anyone who thinks #georgett is real is delusional.

If all rumored relationships were true, then Rose Quartz’s frontman Jett Blackwell would be a polygamist. Within only the past two weeks, he’s apparently been in a relationship with Georgia Lane, Beckley Byers, and a ‘mysterious hand’ (no, not his own). Those rumors enough are carrying his entire band. To elaborate, some have been speculating that Jett and Georgia are getting back together after Wayfinder (last week’s news!), even going as far as to say that the mysterious hand is Georgia’s. They all want to know if there’ll be any confirmation on Georgia’s upcoming album… but this isn’t promotion for her. On the other side of the spectrum, people are churning rumors that perhaps Jett and Beckley are getting back together. The two have exchanged flirty tweets and have sent each other pictures no one else has seen (again, no, not that kind, although it would make this a lot more entertaining). Others think that hand belongs to a mystery woman. We personally think that’s just for aesthetic.

#7 ETHEREAL ( @chloehq​, @winnisms​ )

wayfinder changed my life 🌠@lilkayns · 6m

with a name like #CHLACK i really have to wonder why people ship them.

It’s a rough time for fans of America’s favorite girl group. Fans were left reeling when two of the group’s members, Chloe Evans and Winnie Whitmore posted photos to their social media accounts that fueled rumors that both girls were leaving the group. Seeing how Ethereal’s only been around for a little over a year, they might want to change their name to Ephemeral if they’re already having breakup rumors. In other news, it looks like Chloe Evans and Jack Jericho might be a new thing---that will maybe fill our favorite white couple void that we have been feeling since #BELLIAN broke up? 

#6 BETTER NOW ( @greyhtml, @sweetshqs )

#bn2 is coming @ezrasweets · 16m

#gezra runs deep in my veins, this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.

It seems that Better Now is trending for every reason except their music. Where is Better Now 2? We see you two in the studio a lot but we don’t see any singles being released. Maybe the two are too preoccupied now in their new relationships, #gezra and #kori, to continue with their careers? After all, Ezra has been spotted all over town with his new girl, Gemma Clarke, that there is no time for him to be writing music. I’d say at least we have frontwoman, Sweets Mori, but she’s busy off “not dating” Afterparty’s own, Christian Kelley, that we’ve hardly ever seen the two bandmates together anymore. Was the band just a ploy to find dates? Is eHarmony.com out and creating a mildly successful alternative band to find your significant other IN? Who knows! We just hope this doesn’t lead to a lot of Misery Business.... see what I did there?

#5 GEMMA ( @gemclvrke )

notice me gemma @gemmastone1 · 12m

ugh can we please stop talking about #gezra and focus on gemstones instead???

You’d think we’d be focusing on Gemma Clarke’s upcoming album, right? Wrong. The focus of the week, or weeks, has been Gemma Clarke’s relationship status. (Where’s Alison Bechdel when you need her?) It seems she and Better Now drummer Ezra Grey have been getting to know each other pretty well, and by pretty well, we mean not even subtly hinting that they’re a couple in public. Anyone who thinks speculation is worth it is sorely mistaken. Anyone who thinks ‘confirmation’ is needed is very similar to Jared (can’t read, possibly 19). Sure, the Snapchat story wasn’t even close to a giveaway, just Gemma banging it out to BN. However, when you’re practically practicing PDA in front of a bunch of photographers and posting photos of yourself with that same person everywhere, if you’re not a couple, things just get weird. Anyway, she has an album coming out.

#4 BELLA CARISI ( @bcllahqs )

LEAVE BELLA ALONE @pinkangel · 6m

who fell harder, bella from that stage or me when i saw her for the first time? #TeamBella #toosoon?

It seems as if Bella has had a lot of ups, and one particular down, since coming off from Wayfinder. As if having to deal with speculation over her relationship from us (we can be pretty brutal) isn’t enough, now other artists are joining in (we’re looking at you Georgia “Doesn’t Stay In Her Own” Lane). But even as she deals with petty drama Bella is still out here giving her fans what they want by dropping a music video for her song ‘Jump’ (available on itunes)! Although, do her fans deserve the treat considering they don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves? Yes, we’re talking about when a drunk fan took it upon themselves to do a meet and greet of their own in the form of pulling our pop princess off the stage and into the crowd, resulting in Carisi having to go to the emergency room for checkups. Guys, we know some times people do things they regret when they’re drunk, but don’t pull people off stage! Especially if you’re not even cute, do you see the type of guys Bella gets? She doesn’t want your Coors beer drinking ass. Okay, that’s enough from us about the situation, but just know that we’re #TeamJacob all the way and we hope that Carisi regains her crown as #1 soon.

#3 ARIE CASTILLO ( @arieisms )

how can i breathe with no arie @punkinking · 6m

imagine fucking your best friends girl and STILL maintaining your friendship #iconic #westanalegend

Arie Castillo... what can we say about Arie Castillo? Or more, what can’t we say about him? There are plenty of things that I can’t say about Arie, even if they are true they’re not meant for a blog like this. So, what has our favorite daddie been up to? Nothing! If you guys want to talk about someone who uses their relationships and connections to get to the top look no further than Arie Castillo! Why is it that Georgia and Bella get their name dragged through the mud when Arie is essentially doing the same thing? It’s 2018, folks! Guys can be fame leeches too! Just look at his twitter, liking tweets mentioning Georgia, and his instagram, where he took a picture with best friend, Killian Law, right after rumors fly that Arie and Killian’s ex, Bella, did the nasty behind his friend’s back??  Yikes! Maybe if Castillo focused solely on his music this man would be #1 some day... nah, that’s not how things work around here. Keep stirring up trouble, Daddy Arie, we like you better when there’s nothing but drama attached to your name! Oh, you’re going to release an album? That’s nice...

#2 GEORGIA LANE ( @georgialanes  )

🍑 @laneegirl · 2m

find yourself a girl who’ll drag you with one hand and promo her album with the next. oh, i did, her name is georgia lane. 

It seems Georgia Lane has been one busy girl (talk about twitter fingers). With her upcoming album releasing soon (pre-order Melodrama now), her shady tweets, and just generally out here living her best life, she’s become someone we’ve slowly began to admire. We love a messy queen. Georgia has been enjoying her time in the spotlight, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. While everyone is quick to jump down her throat for her coming for Arie and Bella, are we really going to pretend that the possibility of Arie hurting Georgia isn’t a thing? Your favorite golden boy might not be so golden after all. We’re all good though, because it seems as if our favorite trouble maker might be making other artists swoon. Yes, we’re obviously talking about the notorious “hands” photos that Rose Quartz aritists Jett Blackwell keeps posting. We just have one question: dude, what’s with the hands? And obviously, is the hand Georgia? Hopefully Blackwell will have a face fetish next and finally post a picture of the mystery girl he keeps hinting at. Our money is on our messy queen, Georgia, because if we’re in love with her than it wouldn’t come as a shock if Blackwell was too. But boys and tweets aren’t the only thing she’s good at, Georgia Lane also released a music video to our new favorite track, Perfect Places! If the rest of Melodrama delivers songs as great as that one then there is no doubt that Georgia holds the new #1 album in her hands. Best Album, anyone?

AND YOUR #1 TRENDING ARTIST IS…

[xxamilychanxx]

Blog Update

Hello, everyone! I hope you are all doing well. First of all, thank you so much for following my blog. That means a lot to me and I can not believe I have reached +500 over followers. ≧◡≦ I’ll probably delete this post later, after a couple of days.

I just wanted to give an heads up about the current direction I’ll be taking in regards of my blog. This is my main account I don’t really have any other side blogs. Maybe in future, I’ll create some additional accounts for more specific things but for the time being, I enjoy sticking to my main and making it my own. I had never been a huge fan of having mutiple accounts since I get overwhelmed pretty easily. That being said, as most of you all figured out by now, (almost around %90-95) I tend to share Todobaku, Todoroki only or Bakugou only content. I sometimes throw my own edits, artwork and fanfictions here and there (and rarely something totally different) but I had been mainly focusing on my OTP for the longest time. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my OTP to ends of the world and I will continue to share lots of Todobaku, Todoroki and Bakugou centric content. 

BUT...

I also will be reblogging contents from different fandoms from now on as well. For the longest time, I was just ‘liking‘ non-BnHA stuff and had been holding myself back from sharing or reblogging anything different. This was mainly because I wanted to protect the theme of my blog and wanted to keep it relatively BnHA focused. However, recently, liking the posts hasn’t been satisfying. In fact, I have this sudden urge to support all other content creators by reblogging their stuff. I am also a content creator. I know exactly how it feels like when your content gets reblogged with such lovely tags or comments. Thus, I wanted you all to know that you’ll be seeing different fandom posts or reblogs from me. 

That being said, if you are curious about this update and still sticking around to read the rest of my post, honestly, thanks for your attention. You might be wondering the following: What you should be expecting from me in future and how you should be treating my blog? 

1-) I will answer this question in two sections. First, if you still wish to stick around and continue to support my blog, then I’ll be making things easier for you. In past, I didn’t really use the tagging system that much, since I didn’t really have to. Like I said, my blog’s main theme was pretty self explanatory,thus, I would only tag the new contents or posts that I created. However, since I will be changing my style a little bit, in case if I share certain content you do not enjoy (for example a certain fandom or couple), feel free to block that tag and you’ll be no longer recieving that kind of stuff from me. I will be tagging everything I reblog, share and/or post from now on, so you have my word! :3 I hope this will make things easier on both of our ends. Honestly, I have no right to tell you how you should be approaching to this kind of news regarding to my blog update. You have all the rights to continue to support me or unfollow me. From bottom of my heart, I hope the way you treat it won’t change; however, I would totally understand if you wish to unfollow me cause it is totally understandable. 

2-) Let me answer the second part of the question. Other than BnHA (todobaku/todo and/or baku centric content), what else will I be sharing on my blog? I am in plenty different fandoms, so I don’t have a definite answer, but I can list some of the stuff I am currently really into, or had been a huge follower for a long time. I hope this can give you a general idea. The future stuff will include but will not be limited to:

BnHA/My Hero Academia: Todobaku (aka Todoroki x Bakugou). They are my OTP and I will continue to spam content for them. In additional to that, I enjoy Baku-squad dynamics. I love Kirishima, Aizawa and Tamaki as characters. While there are some other ships I also enjoy, my BnHA related content will still be heavily focused on Todobaku and I don’t think it will change too much.

Overwatch: From this fandom, you mostly likely will be seeing Meihem (aka Junkrat x Mei) centric content. I also like Bunnyribbit (aka Lucio x D.va), Gency (aka Genji x Mercy) and Anahardt (aka Reinhardt x Ana) so I might share content for those additional ships as well.

Nier Automata: This game killed me to my core and I am in love with it so much. I can nerd about it for days. From this fandom, I really love enjoy seeing content for 9S since he is my fav character. I ship 2B9S (aka 2B x 9S) so you will be most likely seeing shippy content for those two as well.

Danganronpa: Any other danganronpa fans, upupupu? Jokes aside, I really love danganronpa franchise and I am upto date with everything (which even includes visual novels, all the games and anime adaptations). So, please be warned that my posts or reblogs might contain spoiler content. Like I said I will be tagging everything I post, so i recommend you to block the tags I use! That being said, I like plenty of ships from this fandom. The ones I am most passionate about are the following; Sondam (aka Gundham x Sonia), Komamiki (aka Komaeda x Mikan), Kuzupeko (aka Kuzuryu x Peko), Kiiruma (aka Keebo x Iruma), Harukaito (aka Kaito x Maki), Saimatsu (aka Shuichi x Kaede) and/or Amamatsu (aka Rantarou x Kaede) and Oumeno (aka Ouma x Himiko).

Akatsuki no Yona: Soooo, this might seem a little out of blue. I know that it is not a very well-known fandom. That being said, the manga is still ongoing and I am remaining hopeful for a new season for its anime adaptation. We might never get it but I will still remain hopeful. Call me delusional, hah. Anyways, with this series, I am pretty strict about my likes. I ship Jaeki (aka Jaeha x Kija) so much so I will be most likely spamming stuff related to them if I get a chance. Other than that one couple, I am not super duper interested in anything else truth to be told. 

For now these are the current fandoms that I am actively a part of. This list might change in future. In addition to that, I might still reblog certain content from other unlisted fandoms if I really enjoy the post or content. My blog might contain hinted nsfw content but I will try not to share anything too-explicit since I don’t really enjoy being loud about those kind of stuff myself. 

That’s all folks. Thanks for reading this all the way to the end. You have an amazing attention span and I am honored that you are that invested in the content that I share. I really appreciate all the support and thanks for following my blog once again. See ya later and as I said, I will be deleting this post later! 

[nykhaela-ackerman]

QuaranThoughts: A Glimpse Into My 2020 Psyche

     It seems like it’s almost been a year since everything suddenly changed due to the global COVID-19 pandemic crisis. Overall, 2020 has been filled with one tragedy after another. Starting off with the eruption of the Taal Volcano, threats of World War 3, the pandemic crisis, issues of racism, government incompetence, and many more events that shook the whole world. As someone living through such seemingly historical events, I felt anxious of what the world will come to be in the future, as long as what could happen to me. There were even times wherein I felt so anxious and restless because not only did I fear for my own safety, but also for thinking about what the point is in all this.

     I felt sad and helpless for living in such a world wherein fighting will never stop, and that it only seems like a pipe dream for governments to be competent enough to deal with certain issues. Not just in the context of the Philippines, but for the world in general, it seems as though no matter what happens, humanity will always be at war with one another, regardless of there being weapons or not. “Humanity will never stop fighting itself until it shrinks to a size of one or fewer,” said Erwin Smith, though he may be fictional, I believe that his words hold the truth. Humans will always find something to fight about, no matter how insignificant a few things might seem and vice-versa.

     This world of ours is a dog-eat-dog world, you can’t really trust anyone, not even yourself at times. So, in times of global crises, who will you turn to? The government who seems to only prioritize maintaining the positions they hold? The church with their false promises of comfort? Your school or university that even rids students of scholarship opportunities due to fears of spending too much money despite being owned by a literal billionaire? Your family who you may or may not even feel comfortable living with, depending on your relationships with them? Your friends who you don’t even know if they truly care about you? Yourself, who’s not even sure about your identity or reason for being alive? All we know is that we don’t know, after all we’re just human beings who were suddenly thrown into this world and now have to deal with the chaos that comes with existence.

     Anyway, before I end up getting way too depressing or overshare too much of my personal existential crisis, let me go back to talking about the pandemic. So first of all, I would like to share my own personal experiences and sentiments about being in quarantine, before I delve deeper unto more meaningful thoughts in terms of its effect on society. As a lazy introvert who never liked going outside nor have never experienced going anywhere without any family members, I personally do not mind the thought of just staying indoors all the time. As a matter of fact, I even feel relieved that I don’t have to actually socialize or interact with anyone because of how socially awkward I am and how I just don’t feel comfortable with dealing with social cues and all that stuff. Also, one of the reasons why I prefer online classes is also because of my personal self-image and self-esteem issues.

     During online classes, I don’t have to show the rest of my body nor wear an uncomfortable uniform whose buttons could burst anytime while worrying about the weird looks I get from people. In addition, I can express my thoughts easier during recitations or presentations during online classes because I do not have to deal with the social anxiety that comes with having to stand in front of a crowd and think about things like maintaining eye contact or monitoring bodily gestures and such. I could also sit however I want more comfortably, while also not having to worry about using the bathroom during class because I can easily do it at home while wearing Bluetooth headphones so I wouldn’t miss out on class. However, the fact that I can think about all these things is a sign that I seem to be privileged enough to actually be able to consider having to deal with online classes instead of face-to-face classes as a better situation personally. This doesn’t mean that I don’t acknowledge the plethora of issues that others are facing because of it, I was just sharing things from my perspective.

      Upon observing what my fellow students have been posting on social media, along with the many news articles out there, I have been dragged back into reality. Not everyone is lucky as I am to have WiFi and gadgets at home to be able to comfortably deal with online classes. Many are struggling to buy load for their cellular data so they can attend classes, others are also suffering from how the pandemic crisis affected their families financially, causing them to likely even drop out and work instead of pursuing their studies. In addition, there are also those who have to deal with balancing the already exhausting mountain-loads of schoolwork, along with helping out around the house with chores or taking care of their younger siblings or ailing relatives. I then realize that there’s more to life than academics, and that there are bigger problems out there in the world that take priority.

      Also, upon further reflection, I have realized that not everyone has access to such technologies required for online classes, especially for those who live in far-off areas; those who go to decrepit public schools, those who live in tribal communities, and those who live with a seemingly inescapable sense of poverty looming over them. As a citizen of a third-world country who has been more exposed to foreign media, there were time s that I have forgotten that the educational norm for the Philippines is way different than that of those living in first-world countries. I have remembered how there are many people in this country of ours who lack capabilities to enroll in academic institutions for high quality education, along with not even having enough finances to even survive living in the slums, and yet they are expected to have the resources to deal with online classes. Also, what about children who can barely even read or write? Do they expect them to be able to send emails at the ripe age of five?

     I think the heads of such universities or schools are forgetting that students and teachers are also human beings in need of breaks and that just because we’re at home doesn’t mean we have all the time and energy in the world to just do nothing but deal with academics. Even machines can overheat or explode due to overwork, there needs to be a time to cool down, so that we may spend even just a little bit of time to be just people, to just be ourselves and live our life beyond the confines of stressing over exams, quizzes, modules, grades, and such. There’s more to life than just slaving away and doing what you’re told to do, school shouldn’t be a medium to train people into becoming tireless slaves who will always bend to the will of those in power. As a matter of fact, because of spending almost all of my time dealing with academics, I barely have anytime to explore who I am and what I want in life; I don’t even see a future for myself beyond graduation, I can’t even see myself as not living as a student. Just because I have seemingly good grades does not mean that a bright future is automatically guaranteed for me; how am I supposed figure out how to survive in the real world while I further continue to lose the will to live as time goes by?

     While I sit comfortably at home as I pursue my other hobbies or stress over deadlines of activities, many people out there are starving and struggling to look for jobs, and many are fighting for their rights to be treated as human beings instead of yet just another number in the ever-growing mortality rate due to the pandemic or even because the government silenced them for speaking against those in power. The world is at war with itself, and yet there are many of us who act like frogs sitting in a tub of water without realizing they are slowly being boiled alive. We’re not in a sauna or in a relaxing hot spring, we’re in a living hell where of everyone is exposed to the same amount of fire. They may say that we’re all in the same boat, but we’re actually in the same ocean in midst of a storm; we’re all on different boats, some may be lucky enough to have yachts or cruise ships, while others are struggling to stay afloat on a piece of driftwood. Even if this pandemic crisis someday comes to an end, the struggles of humanity never will.

      This then begs the question, “Why do we even try so hard to survive in such a cruel world? What’s the point in living? Why even try if we’re all just going to die?” Personally, there are many times wherein I contemplated just taking the easy way out and I still do; I know I’m still young but it doesn’t invalidate how tiring it feels to be alive, and how it will just continue to get even more tiring and difficult as I continue to live. Well, as Mikasa Ackerman puts it, “the world is cruel yet beautiful at the same time,” so if we truly want to see how such a world can show such beauty, we must continue to try to survive in this world we were born into so that we may find what it means to genuinely be free.  After all, as Eren Jaeger puts it, “if we win, we live. If we lose, we die. If we don’t fight, we can’t win. So fight. Fight,” so that we may be able to see a world worth living in. Fight, so that we may be able to live someday in a world where we no longer need to fight, as illusory or delusional as it may seem.

     Before I bombard you with any more Attack on Titan references or depress you with my own personal issues, it may be time to end this essay of mine. Overall, whether it be a global pandemic crisis or any other issues surrounding human conflict, it cannot be denied that this era we’re living in will be a part of human history for future generations to read about. Even if it seems that humanity’s cycle of hatred, greed, and incompetence  will never end, we must still strive to make this world of ours somehow worth living in so that we may alleviate suffering, as we continue to grow and evolve as beings aiming to find the meaning of being. No one may know which paths we may take, nonetheless, we should still try to break down these walls, overcome these barricades, and dedicate our hearts so that we may proudly keep moving forward as we fly with our wings of freedom towards the scenery of true liberty. If we just sit here, do nothing and just wait for our corpses to start rotting, what’s the point in living?

Disclaimer: This is just an exercise for our Digital Publishing class submitted to @bertongbigtime​. Thank you for understanding!

[violecentstrs]

Memories of Us - Chapter 19

A/N: Please enjoy and let me know! Thank you so much for reading! <3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): None Word Count: 3,919

<< Previous Chapter  ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

The pills were as bitter as I remembered. I force it down and immediately drown the taste with water. But it didn’t work out as well. I let out a sigh before slumping back onto my couch. I look at the time, watching it ticking away the seconds. I turn the TV on, having no other plans to go on with my day. Except for the chores.

“Honey, I’m leaving. Where’s my lunch?” Brian’s voice startles me. I look over at him before getting up to take the box I packed up for him. I give him a weak smile before handing over it to him.

“Here you go. Have a good day at work.” I say.

“Thanks, hon. Take your meds and get some rest. I’ll see you tonight.” He pecks my lips before making his way out towards the car. I watch his car pull out of the driveway before disappearing down the street. I stare at the empty roads. The sun had just risen from the horizon, illuminating the streets with its yellow glow.

I close the door and sit myself back down on the couch. I stare at the TV blankly, watching the news they covered about recovering old treasures from a sunken ship. Technologies have advanced quite far now.

The war had ended about five years ago, but it was still very much present in our minds. Still playing on and on again, like a broken record player. Granted I wasn’t there on the battlefield, but I had treated so many terrible wounds while telling so many lies. Telling the dying sol     diers with half of their legs blown off, or the large hole in their stomach, or even the one with his face ripped off, that everything will be okay. That they will live another day.

They died soon after right in my arms. And I could do nothing.

Brian is coping well with his PTSD. Better than I can. And he was the one that was running on the field with guns. He was the one that got bullets in his body. But he was managing well.

As soon as the war ended, we were married. I came to terms with it and accepted my fate. It has been fine as of lately between us. Nothing wrong. But, a few weeks ago, my dreams turned into nightmares when the memories of my time with Bucky started replaying in my dreams.

And it triggered my depression yet again. Now I’m taking medications for it, but they do little to help me cope with this ever present grief.

I get off from the couch to walk upstairs. I pull out a small locked chest from the top of the closet. The small metal chest creaks open, containing all of my important memories from the past.

The very first picture on top was one during the war. Bucky, Steve, Peggy and I together, smiling at the camera. I carefully take it out, fearing that it might crumble into ashes if I do. When in reality, the photo was in better shape than any other photos in the house. But that’s how long ago the war felt for me.

I turn it around and brush my fingers over the markings on the back.

“July 18th, 1944. Milan, Italy.” I say under my breath. It was when and where the photo was taken. I feel the tears coming to me, but I blink them away. I set the photo aside and stared into the box.

I reach in for the photo resting next in the line. And this time, I did end up crying. It was Bucky’s enlistment photo that I took out on the day he was leaving the base. The photo still kept his perfect expression, eyes, lips, nose, everything. And it was too real for me.

I start to cry once again when the memory of Steve delivering me the bad news. He was broken more than anyone else. And I understood his pain. I walked away and never talked to anyone for days. Not even to my own father.

I didn’t cry. Couldn’t even shed a tear. It wasn’t until Steve pulled me aside and talked to me when I cried for days. I was in denial that he had died, believing with all of my heart he was still alive and that this was all a lie.

But Steve came and pulled back my senses, reminding me that he actually is gone. He was the only one I could go to. And was the only one who understood my pain as well. We understand each other because of how important Bucky was for us.

Then, the news of Steve’s death came. That’s when I lost it. I couldn’t even grasp the very idea. That’s when my depression started. Took me awhile, but after counselling, I manage to overcome it for a while. When the war ended, I didn’t even celebrate. Felt like we lost more than we won in this whole affair.

And I couldn’t feel happy about that.

I set the box back after putting the photos back. I wanted to see them so that it reminds me of the life I used to have. And that I’m still alive and have the chance to live my life as I want now. I don’t want to hang onto old ghosts.

No matter how many times they come haunting me back.

~

The paper rustle violently within my shaking grip as I read the headlines. My aching body and bones suddenly springing back to life. My cup of tea spilled out and shattered on the floor as I stood up, still holding that paper in disbelief. My daughter, Patricia, looks over at me with concern.

“Mother? Is everything all right?” She asks, approaching me and picking up the broken porcelain. She peeks over to see what I was reading until she noticed the pouring tears. She was really concerned then.

“Mother! What’s wrong?? Honey! Honey come help!” She calls her husband over urgently.

“S…Steve.” I say shakily, watching the photo of that familiar shield in the ice. There’s no mistaking that it belonged to him.

CAPTAIN AMERICA FOUND FROZEN IN ICE

I wanted to cry with joy. I was so surprised yet so happy to read that headline. I never thought that such thing was possible. To be frozen away in time. I read down the article. It seems like he was frozen and are in the process of defrosting in a SHIELD base.

It didn’t disclose where exactly, but I knew where he would be.

“Patricia, we need to get to New York!” I claim desperately to her. She looks at me as though I had just gone mad.

“M…Mother?” She looks at me confused. I show her the paper.

“I knew him! Captain America! He was my friend!” I say happily. Patricia gives me a smile before nodding. But it was a smile I know so well. She doesn’t believe me.

“Of course, Mother. He was a very good friend.”

“Patricia, I’m telling you! Steve is back from the dead! He really is.” She gives me another of that smile. When her husband comes out worried, he exchanges looks between us.

“Honey, where is her medicine? It’s acting up once again.” She says worriedly. I look at her in disbelief before back at the paper. I know I may have said things in the past before, but this was something I was more than sure about.

I need to see him again. I need to see him with my own eyes. But no matter how many times I pleaded to Patricia, she only ignored my requests. Thinking that I was being delusional. But I know that I’m not.

Steve is alive and he is out there.

• • •

Snow crumbles down as my fingers gently brush it off the top of the gravestone. I clean his name off carefully before placing a small red rose just against it. I smile down at his grave. It snowed all of last night, burying his gravestone a little. By the looks of the area, I was the first one to visit this graveyard.

Who would though? It is 8 at night. But I needed to see him before I go for this mission. It is completely dark, with only the nearby lamp post illuminating the pathway.

I breathe out a small cloud of air, looking around the peaceful yet solemn area.

“Can you believe it, Mike? It’s been a year already.” I sigh out, biting away the tears. My mind rolls back to that day. The gunshots, explosions and screams still very much clear in my mind. I look down at his gravestone again, looking at the date of his death.

“No matter how many graves I’ve visited. Or tears I’ve shed before. Yours is the one I can never seem to get used to.” I look down at my gloved fingers, twirling them around as a small tear escapes my eyes. I take a sharp cold breath and let it all out before wiping away the tear.

“I saw Hanna and Darius last week. They seem to be doing well. They had just returned back from a rescue mission in Jerusalem. They got awarded for it too. I’m so proud of them.” I say to the air, hoping that Mike might be listening beyond the grave. I would have never done this before, but after the whole shenanigan with Linda, my belief’s been turned around a smidge.

“Jeremy’s doing well. Finally proposed to his girlfriend. Elvis is still the player we all know him to be.” I chuckle to myself. I take another look around in the area. The snow is biting every inch of my skin despite the layers of clothes I have on.

“Then me. Well… I’ve had a couple of more episodes with Bucky and Steve, but they haven’t rendered me unconscious like before. We’ll see. I have a mission to go with them in the Alps. Even with the Commander. So that they can really decide if we are worthy to be of the Higher Rank.”

I stay silent for a moment.

“I don’t have doubt for my team. But I am sceptical of myself. I wonder if I’m able to lead my team well enough in this mission.” I say, hesitating. I’m talking to myself in the dark. If someone happens to pass by, they might wonder if I had just escaped a mental asylum. But, it gives me comfort to at least speak these things out loud, even if there is no one there to hear me.

“I know you’d tell me ‘Remember what you are, Y/N! Confidence, compassion and courage! Triple C! You will be fine!’ like last time when I doubted myself about being the captain of our little team.” I smile to myself.

My memory of Mike’s bright smile and childish grin helped pour the hope within me again. Because of him, I even pursued the leadership position at all. If only he was here to show me that dorky smile of his. Maybe then I would have the confidence returned within me once again.

But, only within my memories will I ever see it again. I look down at the grave once more before smiling. I plant a kiss on my finger before placing it on his gravestone.

“Thanks for everything, Mike. You had been the best brother anyone could ever have.”

~

The stars are spread across the horizon as far as the eyes can see. Out here in the mountains, the skies are untouched by man-made light. There’s nothing but pure nature surrounding us outside of this plane.

Shame that I could only see it through the small window. I would love to fly across this star soaked sky every night. The beauty is indescribable.

“For God’s sake’s Horace! Hurl in the other helmet! Not mine!” Bella shouts angrily, snatching away her helmet from him. Horace immediately grabs his helmet and attempts to throw up, but nothing came out. I’m glad, because I don’t think it would be pleasant to see that.

“You’re a soldier, you need to get used to this.” Bucky says looking at Horace. Poor him. The man is afraid of great heights. He can’t stand being in the air for over 6 hours. Give him a break.

“I’m sorry, Sir.” Horace says, getting his composure back. Bucky sighs out and sits himself next to me. I turn my head back out to watch the stars. The different shapes of the mountain does intrigue me.

“Nervous?” He asks. I peel my eyes away from the view to look at him. I give him a small smile before looking back out.

“Nope.” His hand slowly wraps around mine, holding it tightly. I look down at it before squeezing his hand back reassuringly.

“You’ll do amazing.” He says before pulling me in to kiss my forehead. I hear a small gasp coming over from in front of us.

Bella, Horace, Maria and Razak were staring at us. I clear my throat and pull my hand away immediately, suddenly feeling embarrassed. I didn’t want to, but with them looking at us like that, I feel a little vulnerable.

Today I feel a little at peace within myself. Usually I would be anxious if Linda would show up. But not today. I’m calm and in full control of myself right now.

After that night at the coffee shop, I started having hope more than fear. Bucky said that I won’t lose myself. And I trust him. I don’t know why, but it felt like he was right. Everything will be back to normal soon and I won’t have any more episodes with Linda.

“One more hour before we get to the destination, folks!” Rufus says while polishing his gun. I nod at him and look back out the window at the sky. Soon, the sun will be up and I won’t be able to see the beautiful stars among the mountains.

A movement around my back to my hips startles me. Bucky’s arm coils itself around the back of my waist, pulling me close. His body pressing against mine subtly, sharing his warmth with mine. I didn’t swat away or move. I just let him do as he pleases.

Bucky is acting odd today. He’s a bit touchier to me than before. I didn’t think that he would even dare to do these things since we’re not really lovers. Well, probably not until this thing with Linda settles down.

I unconsciously start to lean against him, keeping my eyes out the window. I stare deeply into the billions of stars. I close my eyes as Bucky’s arm pulls me a little more towards him, closing off any space between us.

In that instance, I feel myself moving deeper within. I open my eyes to find myself been taken over by Linda. I watch her stay completely still, enjoying Bucky holding her close to him. It filled my chest with feelings of content.

And heartbreak.

“Hi, Linda.” Bucky’s voice was low, but his grip was tight.

“Hi, Bucky.” She says with a smile.

~

The train shifts to one side as the explosion goes off in the back of the train. Horrified, I immediately call in.

“Kelvin! Maria! Come in!” I yell right before blocking out a bullet with Steve’s shield. He left it with us while trying to chase the scientist up the train.

“We’re fine! We’re fine!” I hear Maria’s struggling voice on the other end. I immediately push into the gunner with the shield. I smacked it on his face before pushing through the door. I rush through each car, trying to find Steve.

Another explosion goes off ahead and I hear gunshots followed after. The train rocks back and forth as it was both gaining speed and starting to tip over from the explosions.

“Y/N!!!” Razak yells before kicking down a soldier with a knife. He struggles with him for a second before knocking the soldier out. I nod at him and we both run through the rest of the train.

When we reached to the head of the train, we were greeted by a gush of flames. I blocked it off with Steve’s shield before dashing into the car. I look around to find both Steve and Bucky attempting to take down three large iron suits similar to Tony’s. I manage to glance around the car quickly to find weapons mimicking those of the Avengers.

“Steve!!” I yell out and toss the shield towards him. He accepts it and blocks off a blast from one of the suits.

“We need back up in the driver’s compartment here!” I yell into the mic, pulling Razak aside from the oncoming blast. We hid behind the part of the car peeled away from the explosion.

I look around at this place. It’s a wreck. Two large holes on both sides, putting any of us at risk of falling out. And this is not the ideal place to fall off. The train is speeding up gradually and all of us are going to die if we don’t get the hell out right now.

“Bucky! Where’s the scientist?!” I yell, watching him roll away from the iron suit’s fist. He looks at me once before avoiding another of the suit’s attack.

“He’s gone further ahead in the engine room! I think there’s an escape pod there!” He struggles to say. I nod before looking over at Razak.

“Razak! Find a way to slow this train down. I’m going after the scientist!” I say immediately while watching Bucky and Steve fight off the robots, using their flexibility and speed to their advantage.

When there was an opening, I immediately dash through the madness and right into the engine room.

The heat was unbearable.

The rattles and machines whirring are causing for the engine to overheat. Some of the metal bits have even gone red from the continuous speed.

“Y/N! The train is going too fast! It’ll fly off the tracks by the time it gets to the corner! There’s an upcoming one! Just get the scientist and get the hell out of there!” I hear Bella shouting into the mic. I press into the earpiece.

“Got it! Pull the rest out of here! I’ll get the scientist. How long do I have?” I ask urgently, trying to bear the scorching heat of the engine room.

“Two minutes! Quick!” I hear her struggle behind the mic before it goes silent. After looking through the place, I noticed a door with the word EXIT on it.

When I burst into it, I found the scientist, struggling to put open the door to the escape pod. It is a large circular object with half of its body poking out. The scientist is almost on the verge of escaping when I burst in and pulled him out.

“Let me go!” He screams into my face, trying to break free. In his struggling, he accidentally pressed the launch button, causing for the pod to break away. I let out a gasp when the scientist is hanging outside from the side of the train. Underneath was a 100-200 feet drop down. He’d be as good as dead.

But we need him alive.

He screams in fear and hold onto my arm. The speed of the train is going too fast. I might lose him if I don’t pull him in immediately. But I had no strength. The scientist screamed and thrashed around so much that I can feel him slipping through my fingers.

“Please!! Please get me in! Please!!!” He begs me.

With every movement he makes, he’s even pulling me out. I plant my foot on the side of the open space, hoping to keep me in place. But I was sliding out with the train rattling back and forth so much.

Just when I thought I might lose him, someone grabs him from behind me and pulled us in quickly. I fall backwards onto him as the scientist scurries to get back onto the moving train.

The metal arm held me tightly in place as we catch our breath. I get off Bucky, feeling relieved that he was on time to save us. The scientist started making his through the engine room, but Bucky immediately caught him and knocked him out.

I nod to him, unable to get a word out of me from how terrifying that was. I hear the sound of metal breaking and clanking outside. Bucky looks over at me and slung the scientist over his shoulder.

“Let’s get out of here before the robots find us.” He says urgently, tugging my hand along with his. We stand by the opening, watching as Bella descent the plane close to the opening.

“Come on! We gotta get out of here!” She yells into the mic.

“Is everyone out??” I ask first, watching Bucky toss the scientist over to Steve.

“Razak is still in there!” My heart drops. I look over to the exit before at Bucky.

“Come on, we’ll get him out through the driver’s compartment!” He yells, but I didn’t listen. I rush back through the exit, through the burning hell. But this time, the metal bits were spitting out at each other.

One of the bits hit my upper arm, burning away that part of my suit instantly. I yelp in pain, but barrel through the hellish chaos to find Razak. When I got there, the last iron suit was drilling through a space.

I can see Razak trapped inside there as the suit tries to get to him. Bucky appears behind me, a look of concern washing over his face.

“I’ll distract the suit.” He says simply before tossing over a large bolt towards the suit. It got its attention all right. It immediately runs over to Bucky, who is making every attempt to avoid the suit’s attacks.

I rush over to Razak, who’s holding onto his bleeding torso. I watch the small fear in his eyes as I pull him out. He groans in pain as I move him slowly towards the entrance.

“Bucky!!” I yell for him. Outside from the opening, I can see the approaching corner. Bucky avoids the suit’s attack one more time before dashing over towards us.

“Get him on first!” I yell. Bucky stops to look at me.

“No! We’ll get on together!” He protests. My priority is with Razak. Bucky can get him on safely through the moving plane, like he did with me in Yemen.

“Get him on first!” I yell once again, placing Razak in his arms without listening to him. I look at him, blue eyes, staring with concern into mine.

“I’m right behind you!” I say to him. He nods slowly and helps Razak into the plane. Just as I’m about to board, I hear something charging behind me. I gasp when I notice the suit aiming its hand at the plane.

“Maria!!!” I yell into the mic. She looks behind her and immediately pull the plane away just in time to avoid the shot. I duck away into the same corner Razak hid in from the blast. I watch in horror as we reach the corner of the mountain.

“Y/N!!!”

The train derails and dove in head first into the valley. My body went numb, my heart stopped and my visions blackened.

★ ★ ★

☀  Next Chapter >>

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