#we broke him

[sauriansolutions]

I have many stupid Floyd headcanons/scenarios, but this is my current, unbelievably stupid favorite.

The tweels are both big eaters, right? However, Jade seems to somehow always eat more. Are their appetites different? Or, maybe Jade is more focused while eating?

In truth, Floyd never manages to eat as much as his brother--in fact, he probably barely ever manages to finish his meals--because he's too busy playing with his food.

Imagine the octotrio in the cafeteria.

Azul is trying to very slowly chew and *savor* every bite of... whatever gross health food he's currently pretending to enjoy.

Jade is smiling serenely while industrially plowing his way through his seventh or eighth serving of spaghetti with mushroom sauce, a stack of empty bowls piling up in front of him.

Floyd? Floyd just can't eat normally. Floyd has to balance ever single French fry on his nose before he eats it. Floyd has to use his fork as a slingshot to launch individual meatballs in the air, and attempt to catch them in his mouth, (missing about 1/3rd of the time, to the annoyance of his fellow diners).

Floyd needs to construct an accurate diorama of the Night Raven College campus out of hamburg steak and mashed potatoes on his lunch tray before eating. With broccoli and asparagus for trees, alfalfa sprouts for grass, and savory broth for the rivers and ocean.

The bell has long since rung at this point. The cafeteria is basically empty at this point. Azul and Jade know, by now, the futility of interrupting Floyd's artistic vision.

It's just Floyd, putting the finishing touches on the NRC castle, made out of breadsticks. Epel is also there helping carve carrot sticks into the likeness of the Main Street statues. Cater is livestreaming this to magicam for posterity, and Sebek is in the background with one trembling hand pointing a finger, his mouth hanging open in awe, as he watches this all unfold.

Eventually, Crowley barges in, attempting to get mad about these shenanigans. But then he ends up crying over his precious students' display of creativity and school spirit. Crowley ends up trying to build a little wall around the diorama to preserve it until RSA visits for some inter-school function next week, so he can rub Ambrose's nose in it (maybe literally?)

The ghost chefs beg him not to, claiming this is an absolute violation of the Sages Island health code, to no avail.

Meanwhile Floyd shows up 45 minutes late for class, seeming very happy. Asking in a whisper, does Shrimpy have any tasty snacks they feel like sharing today?

Yuu (a gremlin): Uhh sure! I have these dinosaur nuggets I shoved in my pocket yesterday!

Floyd: Shrimpy. What in Twisted Wonderland are dinosaur nuggets?

Trein's class ends up getting hijacked as Yuu excitedly explains Earth prehistory, and Floyd convinces everybody to shove all the desks together and build an epic Triassic diorama out of stale dinosaur nuggets and random school supplies.

[d3adbr3inc3lls]

I finished the DLC earlier today,, and I love it,, but I really wish we(the player) were the ones to apologise... Kieran did nothing wrong imo

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[sic-vita]

Aziraphale + guilt

[bibleofficial]

u know what ? i hope my ex gets hit by a car today ❤️

[skunkes]

[yourlocalgrass]

Happy Birthday Lucifer!! 🎉🎉

I think he really likes the sheep yall :)

[wigglebox]

Destiel Pride - Day 6; Profound bond

[kinokoshoujoart]

Marrying Carter in Harvest Moon DS Cute! (North American version)

oh… sorry no not the archaeologist, i mean Pastor Carter from Mineral Town!

(or is it Pastor Curdy….?)

teeechnically his descendant, and it causes a game over… but this is the only time we’ve been able to marry him right?

so in the girl version of HMDS, there’s two “secret” Mineral Town bachelors that you can marry by talking to them enough times on the phone. one is Mason, the guy who runs May’s Tailoring… but the second, Pastor Carter, is a bit more obscure…

i couldn’t find them uploaded anywhere so here are his 2nd* thru 10th conversations+his proposal+proposal rejection in english! if you want to see it on youtube instead here you go

*i failed to record the first conversation when it happened, and there’s no way in hell i’m resetting my whole game again (…yet), so…just know the first one was like “oh you want to talk? what should we talk about…….. …… ….. …. i can’t think of anything. well see ya………” extremely riveting stuff

he’s so obscure that i didn’t even realize that he was a bachelor until i found out about the mechanic from this japanese wiki!! (here’s an archive link to the page on him in case the page doesn’t work) all i did was test whether it worked in english since i couldn’t find any english info at all mentioning it. i’m sure others have found him… right……..

in case the links above don’t work, a small guide to holy matrimony below the cut since i can’t find one in english

it works essentially the same as the Mason marriage (so it’s just a game over, sadly…), and the steps are pretty tedious and counterintuitive, so you’re unlikely to just stumble across it… but you too can get a priest to break his vow of celibacy for you or whatever!

you will need:

at least 2,050,000 G

20 cursed tools/accessories

if you really don’t want to dig up 20 cursed things you can substitute 100x “remove a cursed tool/accessory” for blessing a cursed tool…

but, including all the cursed tools and accessories, there’s only 16… which means you will need to go dig up 4 duplicate cursed accessories using this method! yay!!! extremely pointless since you can’t sell blessed accessories until after marriage in DS for girl (at which point you can’t trigger pastor carter’s proposal)

you unlock a conversation with cardi when you spend at least 205,000 G. which means the quickest thing to do is to order removal of a cursed item five times, then bless 2 cursed items.

**be careful when blessing accessories to only equip one at a time!!! if you equip a stack of duplicate accessories, blessing that stack destroys the duplicates!!!! :( so just take 1 out of the stack and equip it!!!**

you also can’t unlock more conversations until you’ve seen the one you unlocked, so like even if you spend a million G you’ll just unlock one conversation, and you’ll need to finish that conversation and then spend 205,000 G to unlock the next one…yeah….

on the tenth conversation he abruptly reveals that he’s fallen in love with you and asks you to marry him! it ends your game, but….! on the bright side, it ends your game!!! you’re finally free from Hell Simulator!!!!

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

Lilia reading freshly thirteen year old, completely innocent and oblivious William Kaplan’s future and being like:

Okayyyyy lemme just un-know that real quick so it doesn’t haunt me forever🥲

I can’t properly express how much I love her

[hugesigh]

do you think when he finished the first one he was like… yknow what actually i’m still mad, and now he’s just seeing how far spite can take him??

[catabasis]

“Am I doing him right?”

[unpersoniverse]

Skén:nen sá:sewh

as promised, here's Precious boy™ getting kissed by Precious wife™ because he deserves all the love in the world :cc

translation: Get home safe

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

Chat, I regret to inform you that I have added a new hyperfixation…so…

Agatha All Along Incorrect Quotes!

Alice: Hold the fuck up.

Also Alice, crawling into Lilia’s lap: It’s me. I’m the fuck up. Hold me.

Rio: I have an idea!

Jen: No murder.

Rio, sighing petulantly: I no longer have an idea.

Lilia: I have a bad feeling about this…

Agatha: What do you mean?

Alice: Don’t you ever get that little voice in the back of your head that tells you if something is going to get you in trouble?

Agatha: No.

Jen: That actually explains so much.

Lilia: As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had this little voice in my head telling me to “live it up today, because there’s not gonna be a lot of tomorrows”.

Agatha: You do realize there’s medication designed to get rid of those kinds of voices, right?

Teen: A bird flew in through my window and I’m trying to befriend it.

*later*

Agatha: Why don’t you quit bothering me and go talk to your bird friend?

Teen: Matthew and I are not speaking at the moment.

*the coven, huddling together behind a makeshift shelter to shield themselves from repeated gunshots*

Alice, hastily shoving the others behind her so she can return fire: Agatha, do you have any idea who would want to shoot you?!

Agatha, squashed between Jen and Rio: Many people want to shoot me. I take great pride in that!

Jen, glaring at the group as she hands over bail money:

Alice, tapping her shoulder: What about Teen?

Jen, glaring more: I’ve got to bail him out too? Where’s Agatha?

Teen: No one called her. We used Lilia’s phone call to call Alice and Rio’s to call you. Then Rio used my phone call to vote for American Idol.

Rio: :)

Jen: Rio isn’t answering her phone.

Agatha: Here, I’ll try.

Jen: Alice and I have tried six times each, what makes you think that-

Rio, picking up on the first ring: Hey, sweetheart.

Agatha: The ends always justify the means!

Jen: Do you know who said that?

Agatha: Was it Oprah or someone nice and great like that?

Jen: It was Machiavelli. A decidedly non-Oprah like person.

Jen: I bet you didn’t even finish the thing I asked you to get done!

Agatha: For your information, I most certainly did! Got it done last night!

Teen, whispering to Agatha: You didn’t get it done, did you?

Agatha, whispering back: I don’t even know what she’s talking about.

Lilia: I am at a loss for words!

Teen, glancing at the camera like his mom like he’s on The Office: Despite being lost for words, Lilia yelled at us for the next 45 minutes.

Agatha, carrying Señor Scratchy out of the room:

Señor Scratchy: *snuggles under her chin*

Agatha, kissing his head: You are being punished. Please stop being adorable. I love you.

Teen: I got a trampoline tent for summer sleepovers!

Jen, whispering to the other adult witches: …think of all the sex.

Alice: There are two types of people.

Rio: If you wanted to eat someone, you could put a fire under it and slowly roast them :)

Lilia: …three. Three types of people.

Jen, cautiously: I can’t believe I didn’t notice this before, but…Teen, you are a little crazy.

Teen: Aren’t we all a little crazy here, Jen?

Jen: No, I mean you’re aging-ballerina, child-chess-prodigy, professional magician kind of crazy.

Teen: It’s my mom’s fault. You know, we come from a Jewish family, but she used to tell me the reason Santa didn’t come was because my room was too dirty.

Rio: I’ve come looking for trouble. And if I can’t find trouble, I WILL create some.

Alice: Do you trust me?

Lilia, smiling proudly at her: Yes.

Alice, who has been completely panicking: Wait, what? Why?!

Agatha, awkwardly glancing around for help: Er…Alice, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know what to say to people who are crying. So I’m just gonna hope that the tone of my voice makes you think I do, okay, sweetie?

Alice, sniffling: …thanks, Agatha.

Agatha, patting her on the back with a bit too much enthusiasm: No problem, kid.

Lilia: I told Agatha about it weeks ago!

Teen: She WHAT?

Agatha: What??? Lilia says insane shit all the time, how was I supposed to know this one was true?!

Lilia: Bank accounts are a sham created by the shadow government!

Agatha: SEE?!

BONUS:

Wanda, watching from the afterlife: so…when exactly do kids grow out of that whole emo, rebellious stage?

Lorna, shrugging: I don’t know. Alice is still in it.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Mushroom body

(for @mikkeneko)

[gunsatthaphan]

🫡🫡🫡