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givemeonebreath · 3 years

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A big, messy Linked Universe playlist

Link for Links

Heavy on the angst, because of who I am as a person. (At the same time, don’t take it too seriously, man.)

Influenced by canon, manga (TP Link is really Going Through It™ ), my personal perceptions, and popular fandom canon.

A pretty wide variety of genres, with a bias towards metal and prog rock.

I kept snippets of lyrics for most songs, also because of who I am as a person. (Some were particularly hard to narrow down to just one verse or chorus.) Those - and a little more rambling - are under the cut if you really want, in the order of the playlist. But. It’s long.

I didn’t initially make this with the intent to share, but hey. Throughout my past year+ of listening, I’ve been haphazardly adding songs to a playlist I very creatively named Links. If something reminded me of them, whether through the music or lyrics or both, I threw it on the playlist, so some songs might seem odd or vague. Some are really on the nose, as subtle as a sledgehammer. (Sky for Sky? Dude. Sorry.) Some are there because of a fitting line or two that stuck in my head. Ultimately, music - like any form of creative expression - can be interpreted in a multitude of ways.

My listening habits and tastes are erratic, which is why this is one big, jumbled playlist and not separated for different Links. Not to mention if I did that, some (Wild, Legend) would have a lot and some (Wind, Four) would have none, both because of my own familiarity with them, and because of the general themes of the music I tend to listen to. Most songs are a general ‘hero’s spirit reborn’ mood, anyway - those are the first part of the playlist. The second half is more nuanced to specific Links, plus a few Ganon vibes.

1. Deep Purple - April (Koji Kondo, composer of the original Legend of Zelda theme, was into Deep Purple as a kid, and it shows.)

2. Kamelot - Regalis Apertura

3. Au4 - So Just Hang On, Beautiful One (I’ve posted this here before. I can’t hear it without thinking of LU now.) So I slipped in through the gate almost unknown. All my border stamps were late. Seven days old. Cold hand griped my shoulder blade, broke the bone. Bloody nose and turned away, all the way home.

4. FC Kahuna - Hayling Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here

5. Glass Animals - Youth Boy, when I left you you were young I was gone, but not my love You were clearly meant for more Than a life lost in the war

6. Pain of Salvation - Restless Boy A restless boy in a world too slow A flame born into cinder, ash, and glow I've given everything I gave it all Yet find myself alone

7. Haken - The Endless Knot Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line our cycle starts to fail. Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line we die to live again. We need a story to believe in. We need a hero to prevail. We need a challenge we can overcome, it takes a tragedy to make us one

8. Kamelot - Memento Mori (I particularly associate this with Time and Twilight) I am the god in my own history The master of the game I may believe if she would come to me And whisper out my name Sometimes I wonder where the wind has gone If life has ever been Sometimes I wonder how belief alone Can cut me free from sin

9. Katatonia - Fighters Look I told you so We never stop If we said that We'll back it up For sure You know We're fighters

10. Megadeth - This Day We Fight! (I mean, all Links, but particularly Warriors) For this I was chosen, because I fear nothing With confidence I tread through the dead of the night Off to another war-torn, faraway battlefield Wherein lies a demonic enemy horde

11. Moon Tooth - Igneous Well, the spirit took me And this old broken body leapt up and danced Settin’ out Settin' out with all my heroes in a bundle at my back Hawk am I More wings span in my shadow than overcast Yeah, you know what they say Always need something to look up to, ha

12. Samael - Moongate Destiny, tomorrow is today Destiny, without boundaries How many nights will we spend together traveling infinity back and forth and again How many times will we go together questioning eternity about us about our wonders...

13. TOOL- Parabola This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

14. Lunatic Soul - Blood on the Tightrope No matter how hard you try To shut down your feverish thoughts They hunt you down with no regret Cause you have to fix it all

15. Hybrid - Keep It In The Family

16. Soul Savers - Unbalanced Pieces Gone, now carry on Through violent seasons I call you mother, mother, mother In vain, absent chain The twilight's bleeding And the playing board has two unbalanced pieces

17. Steve Von Till - Valley of the Moon All she gives is a stone facade Like ill-given flowers at a dead man's wake Here we slave for the dreams of another And fight over scraps like wayward dogs

18. Ludovico Einaudi - Experience

19. Lunatic Soul - Summoning Dance Three stones on the right side Three stones on the left My vicious circle of life and death “Oh you want it” I hear it again “Oh you want it” My burden Curse to break

20. Lunatic Soul - Through Shaded Woods Run through your shaded woods Run through your shaded mind Run through the night Run away Run through the darkness Run

21. Lunatic Soul - Naavie

22. David Bowie - Nature Boy There was a boy A very strange, enchanted boy They say he wandered very far Very far, over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he

23. The Dandy Warhols - Sleep Well, I could sleep forever But it's of her I dream If I could sleep forever I could forget about everything

24. Au4 - Everyone is Everyone (and Everything is Everything) Tripping and tumbling, Flipping and fumbling. Flowing on the rivers of sadness That have been forever rumbling. But from dawn until now Of all the paths that I could have gone down Of all the valleys That I could have been flowing through. In spite of all the chaos And all that has come between us, How is it I still find myself Here with you.

25. Kingcrow - Everything Goes Your hands again upon the ground Falling rain for hours and hours As you learn the game Time dispels the fog ... Ever been there? Ever felt like prey? Ever thought your mind was feeble? Lot of things that don’t make sense

26. Pain of Salvation - Icon As a child I felt too old And now when I'm grown-up I feel too young A different kind so I've been told Just slightly out of reach and out of time

27. Sophia Loizou - Divine Interference (I got spooky dungeon vibes. Also, the title.)

28. Carpenter Brut - Fab Tool Runnin Gunnin Forward in the phantom shatter so grand Splatter grand, arcanum fuel Wrought iron out of the sky Over me, tells no lie

29. Blue Stahli - Death Will Have to Run All on the open road Where none will ever grow A journey toward the known With countless miles to go

30. Gyroscope - Mistakes & Ladders I am the first? No I can't be the first A continuous nothing, destined for something Tell me who you are and why you trapped me here

31. Queens of the Stone Age - Run, Pig, Run Run, pig, run Here I come

32. Chali 2na & Krafty Kuts - Guard The Fort The swords are drawn and odds are stacked And we clash the impact's a thunderous clap Calm demeanor Even though we are under attack [...my turn to guard the fort ready for combat]

33. The Great Discord - Army of Me (lol)

34. Kongos - Terrified I think I'll start again and change my name You only live once or twice, what a shame Somebody fucked up when designing this game

35. Woodkid - Run Boy Run Run, boy, run! This ride is a journey to Run, boy, run! The secret inside of you Run, boy, run! This race is a prophecy Run, boy, run! And disappear in the trees

36. The Beta Machine - The End A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me

37. Devin Townsend Project - Gump When we last met who was I? I'm sorry we no longer see eye to eye The energy to keep you in while keeping myself out I'm sorry how you'll take this But I just don't have the patience anymore

38. Arrested Youth - Riot! I can't get much satisfaction living in this cave It's tough to breathe, I'm in the belly of the beast Can't sleep with all my rage With me and all my generations living in this cage Pick up your guns and tell your sons, tonight we break the cage

39. Led Zeppelin - Friends So anytime somebody needs you Don't let them down, although it grieves you Some day you'll need someone like they do Looking for what you knew

40. Faunts - M4, pt 2 (Wild) Fight your foes you're not alone Holy war is on the phone Asking to please stay on hold Bleeding loss of blood runs cold And I need you to recover Because I can't make it on my own

41. Faith No More - Ashes to Ashes (Wild) I want them to know it's me, it's on my head I'll point the finger at me, it's on my head Smiling with the mouth of the ocean And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain

42. Devin Townsend - Jupiter (Wild) I know you At least I think I do Everything's changed But in the days that are so dark It's wonderful

43. Katatonia - Neon Epitaph (Wild) Shadow of my shadow Cling not to my grief I am long left behind now You are free

44. The Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning (Wild) Time has stopped before us The sky cannot ignore us No one can separate us For we are all that is left The echo bounces off me The shadow lost beside me There's no more need to pretend Cause now I can begin again

45. Katatonia - Lacquer (Wild) My voice travelling Soaring bird above your head The house we lived in Ridden with disease ... The levee breaking I can't live to fight once more The road to the grave is straight as an arrow I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby

46. Eskimo Joe - This is Pressure (Wild) There is no romance in suffocation The walls fall down like your expectations You want to scream And you want to shout But you've built up steam And you can't let it out This is pressure

47. Portugal. The Man - 1000 Years (Wild) We'll wait 1000 years Until the end of time We'll wait 1000 more Dressed up in gold and white We'll climb the mountain sides To find what's in the sky We'll dig through mountain sides To find what's deep inside

48. Au4 - An Ocean’s Measure of Sorrow (Wild) Forgot my name and who I was. Memories of nothing floating up. All of the sorrow we once knew, Colours the ocean's water blue.

49. Band of Skulls - Carnivorous (Twilight) I am corrosive and cohesive Like a chemical bond I'm all together undone I am the broken kingdom I'm just so, so, so So carnivorous

50. Glass Animals - Flip (Twilight) I wanna go back with a club and attack I wanna take to my guns and break you I gotta make my little foe take his own

51. TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me (Twilight) My mind has changed my body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame, my body's strained, but, God, I like it

52. Kamelot - The Spell (Twilight) All my demons cast a spell The souls of dusk rising from the ashes So the book of shadows tell The weak will always obey the master

53. OSI - Radiologue (Legend) I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water Can't go on Can't go back Heard your voice coming through the noise wrote it in the radio log Hurt my head, wondering what you said so I threw it overboard

54. Katatonia - Don’t Tell A Soul (Legend) I have been destroyed by the perfection that is a lie see I'm moving soon see my feet are already on the road and if you know where I’m going don’t tell a soul

55. Haken - The Mind’s Eye (Legend) The shape of things to come are closer than they seem Changing your design every time you disappear I'm planning my escape through portals of your mind Where people seem to drop like flies

56. Pain of Salvation - Species (Legend) Sometimes I hate my fucking species Yet most days I'll do anything to please it My generation was fooled to pursue our dreams But it is not what it seems You never need what you want And you rarely want what you need

57. Euringer - Do You Kiss Your Mama with That Mouth? (Legend) All my life, misunderstood I'm fuckin' too smart, too smart for my own good The last question, before I go is "Hey motherfucka, do you kiss your mama with that mouth?" Yes! I kiss your mama with this mouth

58. !!! - Pardon My Freedom (Legend) Like I give a fuck, like I give a shit Like I give a fuck about that shit Like I give a fuck about that motherfucking shit

59. Team Sleep - Ataraxia (Legend) Froze asleep Coma deep I dream I'm out with you Alone at sea

60. Oliver Tank - Embrace (Legend) You're in my dreams The world is torn apart at the seams And I don't wanna leave Wearing my heart on it's sleeve

61. Machine Gun Fellatio - The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares) (Legend) The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares I don't know what it means but she's got multi-coloured hair When she stands in the sand I dream of peaches And I'm not sure what that means either

62. Earl Greyhound - Shotgun (Legend & Hyrule) I am nobody, nobody is who I am I am a traveler on this land And nothing, nothing, nothing in my hands

63. TV on the Radio - Staring at the Sun (Hyrule) You're staring at the sun You're standing in the sea Your mouth is open wide You're trying hard to breathe The water's at your neck There's lightning in your teeth Your body's over me

64. Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (Time) Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him

65. Sufjan Stevens - Sugar (Sky) Don’t break my heart, don’t break my flow now And all this rage has got to go now Let’s take up this lifeline Come on, baby, gimme some sugar Don’t make me wait Don’t make me wait too long Don’t make me sing the sad song Come on, baby, gimme some sugar

66. Obsydians - Ascension (Sky) Rise above the hardships you’ll face I will sign and keep on rising As long as you are giving me your soul and keep me awake Feel like home and spread your light around I will listen and just be there As long as you are giving me your love I’ll give you my soul

67. Sonique - Sky -_-

68. Enter Shikari - The King (Ganon) Watch your back, my friend I'm about to kickstart a cycle Of never ending revenge And this time it's primal, it's tribal

69. Saul Williams - WTF! (Ganon, Hylia) "You've been polluted, uprooted by time You have been muted, computed but I'm A living vessel of the one, of the moon, of the sun" Hey! You ain't as dead as you seem, what the fuck? Hey! But you keep living your lies

70. These New Puritans - We Want War (Ganon/ Dark Link/ any nemesis I guess) Shadows dance back up, it's happening again If you listen carefully you might hear them whisper: "We hold all the secrets, we hold all the words; But they're scrambled and broken so you'll never know" Can't you see them Floating like black ash? Can't you feel them Crawling down your back?

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #listening to music while I stare blankly at nothing is legit my number one hobby #and then shit like this happens #linked universe playlist

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troop-scoop · 4 years

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Mistakes & Regrets I

Summary: When a trip to your Dad’s hometown of Hawkins goes wrong, you end up in the year 1983, and have to learn how to cope with being stuck in the past.

Pairing: Steve Harrington / Future!Reader (Slow Burn)

A/n: This is my first stranger things fic, I’ve done other fandoms, and i’ve been itching to get this idea out, let me know if you liked the first part, and if you want to be tagged! (Pls be nice, i’m shy lol) (Also, I had this on a side blog, that I decided to bring to my main blog)

•••

The 1980’s were weird, that was your final opinion. Mainly because it was so much like home, they had phones, they dressed almost like you were used to, they had music you’d grown up on, like The Clash and Elton John, but a lot of the songs that were decades older than you, were new to them.

And while you knew every lyric to ‘The Safety Dance’ and ‘Come on Eileen’ everyone around you was still trying to learn them, and would jumble them from time to time. But at the young age of two, you were dancing along to The Clash while your dad laughed and danced with you.

Knowing that some songs you loved wouldn’t come out for up to twenty years later made you upset, not being able to listen to Nirvana. Suddenly you wanted to be in the car, listening to your dad try to sing along to Ed Sheeran or Taylor Swift. It was always amusing seeing his reaction to the newest songs on the radio while he drove you to school.

There was another thing about this time period that you found weird. They actually had lockers. All of the lockers from your school had been taken out in the late 90’s when a kid hid a gun and drugs in his, so no one had lockers except for in the locker room. So having to remember two different combos was a pain in your ass.

“L/n!”

A heavy sigh escaped your nose as your lips went thin in fake annoyance even though he hadn’t fully approached you.

“What do you want, Harrington?” You questioned, turning from the open grey locker to see him just a few feet away.

He gave you a look of fake offense as he leaned against the locker next to yours a hand over his on his chest, sadly were the latch of your own was, so you couldn’t use the door as a shield,

“Hey, now, who said I wanted anything? I just wanna talk to my friend.”

You were kind of friends. He was nice, at least to you. Though you’d seen him be a douchebag to other students. The cliche you’d seen in a movie of highschool. The popular guy who only cared about popularity and the people he was around. And you didn’t know why he thought you were a good person to be around, because when you were six you accidently set your curtains on fire while the babysitter fell asleep. And you were pretty sure you gave off ‘crazy bitch’ vibes.

You turned back to the locker and shook your head, grabbing your English textbook and looking back to him, a hand holding onto the door while you leaned into it. “Okay, why do you want to talk to me?” You questioned with a fake smile.

“Alright, grumpy. Tommy H, Carol, and I wanna hang out at yours tonight. My parents don’t leave for three more days, and Carol’s mom hates Tommy, and you know how Tommy’s dad is.” He explained, looking down at you.

You hummed in amusement. “Not happening.” You responded, grabbing the hood of his hoodie and placing it in his locker, closing the door in on it. “Have fun.”

“Y/n!” He exclaimed in a sudden panic at being stuck in your locker, not being able to pull himself loose. “This isn’t funny, I will tell Mrs. Click!” He threatened as you stepped back, a genuine grin on your face as you looked up at him.

“A tattle tale? Didn’t think you’d stoop that low, and also, Mrs. Click? You think I’m scared of my History teacher? She’s afraid of saying ‘Wench’ out loud while we reading historical texts. She’s not intimating.”

Steve nodded a bit in thought. “Yeah… Okay, maybe I didn’t think that through, I’ll go to principal-”

“If I get suspended, I get suspended.” You shrugged. “Find a way to get me something to listen to music on, and something that has music on it, and then I’ll let you go.”

“Are you… Are you bribing me? Y/n L/n is bribing me? The new girl is bribing me.” He said in awe, still grasping onto his hoodie, looking at you with his mouth agape and his eyebrows raised.

When you only tilted your head he groaned, pulling on the cotton material. “Fine, Walkman or Record Player?”

“Hmm… Walkman.” You replied.

“Queen or Blondie?” He questioned, a smile coming across your face as you reached up to the lock.

“Both.”

Steve rolled his eyes as you unlocked your locker, setting him free. “That wasn’t fair, you look innocent.” He grumbled.

You mimicked his eye roll, closing the locker and walking away through the hall. ‘Fair’ being repeated in your head. Nothing was fair anymore to you. You’d been normal, just an annoying kid who was obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy, and history. That was what you had to your name. Your friends had once watched the bad uneducational tv show with you just to try and understand your obsession, you dad even had given it a chance, only saying that most of the characters were annoying.

But you only had history now. And some of the things you were supposed to learn in AP European history haven’t even happened yet. And it was freaking you out.

What was freaking you out more? Knowing you had a ‘classmate’ in your History class, who sat next to you, and was your relative. Your dad’s brother.

Sitting next to him was strange. Because he was your uncle. He’d been the one who bought you your first bike, and watched you fall off and break your wrist after your dad had let go of the bike.

To say that being his partner on a history project was weird, was an understatement. Because the entire time you felt like hitting your head against the desk, because he didn’t really change.

“What’s so important about a quote?”

“Are you serious?”

“As serious as the Titanic.” You responded, brows furrowed.

He stayed quiet for a moment. “I don’t know.” He admitted, receiving a chuckle from you as you watched him flip through the book. “I don’t even understand this project.”

“Come on, we have to choose a quote from a historical piece of fiction, We were assigned Romeo and Juliet.” You said grabbing your book and flipping to a certain page. “Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” You teased, knowing that the page you were on didn’t have that in there.

The boy was technically older than you, but right now, you were the same age, and he was shaking his head with a smile. “It’s like she wanted him to be stalking her.” He responded.

“What?”

“She’s asking where he is.” He shrugged. “It’s weird, cause he still doesn’t come out when she asks that.”

“That’s not what she means. It’s early modern English. Phrases were different. She’s asking why he has to be Romeo. In modern words it’d be ‘Romeo, oh Romeo, why does it have to be Romeo.’ She’s upset because the guy she likes is in the enemy’s family.”

The boy looked at you, eyes scanning your face for a moment, looking for any hint of you joking, but he didn’t he finally spoke. “You could teach this class better than her.” He said in a hushed voice to make it so Mrs. Click didn’t hear.

“No-”

“L/n!” The two of you snapped your attention to the older woman who was scowling. “Back to work!”

You rolled your eyes and looked back to him as the bell rang. “That’s our cue.”

The 80’s were weird, and you didn’t like them. What with being so similar to home. With your uncle in the same history class as you, and being close to your dad, but older than him and not seeing him as your dad. And knowing people around you who were almost Baby Boomers, and in your time, would reprimand you for the jokes you made and your views of the world.

Being 16 in your time had been easier, able to cheat off websites for homework, and texting, which seemed to have been taken for granted by you.

Here, you couldn’t say you didn’t have a mom, but rather two dads. Because it was the 80’s and you knew the comments you’d get. You also couldn’t say your full name. That the dad you were genetically related to was the one who gave you the second last name that your uncle had and everyone would question it, and it pained you not being able to go by it, because he’d taught you more things than anyone else ever had. He’d taught you how to ride a book, and said that he’d be disappointed if you ever got ditching class, and that if you were going to do it, not to get caught for his sanity.

You would regret ever coming to this town with him, and you would regret the choice to ever run out of Enzo’s after your other dad yelled at you for being drenched from the rain after you ran in, finding that it was a formal restaurant and not a casual one. You’d regret going into the woods and getting lost, because all you wanted, was to be held by your dad and have him tell you it was going to be okay, You wanted to hear him walking down the hall late at night when he couldn’t sleep and you were hiding under your blankets with your phone, tying not to get caught for being up late.

But you had the fear that you’d never see your dad, as your dad. That you’d have to continue growing up in a time that has been written in history books. That you’d have to watch as technology progressed, and that you’d be conscious and aware for the year you were born.

You were still a kid, even if you didn’t look like it. Just six year ago, you’d been in elementary school, and you still got nightmares and went to your dads’ room because you were still scared of sleeping alone. You hadn’t been since, until now. You could barely sleep at night in the unfamiliar room of the motel you were living in, without your parent’s room down the hall.

But you were trying. And you wanted to redo everything, if you could build a time machine, you would. But that hadn’t even been available in your time, let alone 83’.

#steve harrington #steve x reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you

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dandyvespa · 4 years

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I-Land Final Episode and Thoughts *SPOILERS! duh*

For anyone who has kept up with I-Land, I understand how emotional and nerve-wracking this episode was for them. After developing a connection with a lot of the participants and sharing in their memories, its hard to see anyone being let go. It has been just as much of journey for them as it was for the fans who supported them and at the end of the day, regardless of who debuts, there will be people who will be disappointed by the final results. But please please PLEASE understand that you should not put the blame on them or even break them down just because your favorite did not make it. All of these boys worked hard to get where they are and though it stings for those who did not make it, please support whatever flower path any of them have taken and continue to support and spread love. With that being said, I would just like to use the rest of this post on my final thoughts on the episode and debut line. If you are caught up with the show, please read ahead. Thank you :)

First I would like to say that the preparations done for the final performance, the OT22 interaction and performance, the funny bits of preparing PR videos, dividing roles, and playing Truth or Dare, and the home-cooked meals sent from their parents were all just an emotional roller coaster. I laughed and I cried. To see those boys grow was something very special to me and to see their individual selves shine through personalities or skills were always a treat. Having these segments were really meant to lighten the mood for the final lineup to come. Personally, Sunghoon developed the most out of his shy exterior and his personality was so confident and funny in the pre-recorded videos. I also thought Jay... could never escape his dark history LOL. Also Heeseung’s brother teasing him and telling him to tell Jay he adores him was very cute. Seeing everyone help each other with the PR videos was adorable and heart-warming (Heeseung even had a whole production team haha). Jungwon dressed up as a sheep still sticks with me though haha. Seeing OT22 come together also had me in tears and stitches. It was so cute seeing them all hang out in I-land and despite how whack it was for the Grounders to never experience it, they looked so happy being with their friends and taking part in this little world even if it was for a short time. Also loved how they would easily throw others under the bus during Truth or Dare and the Questions they voted on. The love and support their parents got and how each of them could not hold back their tears was really the icing on the cake. No matter where these boys go, their family will always be their for them more than anything else. Just all those moments leading up to their debut lineup really put a toll on me and it just made me feel like a proud mom

Okay the team name? I am sooooooooooo glad its not Dragon Gee or Dee or whatever that speculated name was going around on Twitter. Enhypen is odd but in a good way. Its different and it will stick with time even though I still may just call them the I-Land group for now lol. Pretty curious about what the fandom name will be too (but honestly I think I would still call myself an Eggie haha).

TXT and BTS’s presence was neat. I wish more of the TXT member’s got to speak but having them all physically there was nice. Though I will say it was just awkward not seeing them cheer as much. I also felt like BTS was just bored at some points or were just glazing over when having to wait on each member getting called out. They did have their humorous moments which was nice to see, definitely lifted the tension in the room and I’m glad they joked a bit (especially Suga losing it lol) instead of remaining completely serious. Their advice and encouragement were all appreciated too. Jhope being an avid viewer really showed. Also plus points for Jungwon getting Jungkook’s attention uwu. I still wish they could have interacted more and mentored some of them over the course of the show. The slim TXT interactions with Heeseung such as Taehyun and Yeonjun’s reactions made me wanting more damn it. But hey, at least we get to see them more often in the BigHit building. I love a good family.

So the Calling performance was A M A Z I N G. I personally thought they were so coherent as a group and made me wishing OT9. There were some who really shine in their parts, but I think all of them stood out one or more times to me. The dance was pretty powerful and a lot of them improved vocally. Again, it makes me feel like a proud mom seeing them all at this point, grown and amazing. The Into the I-Land performance also made me feel that way as well. They all looked so good together and were pretty in sync given that they were fucking 22 of them. The nostalgia was really hitting in me and I also teared uo like a big ass baby. But can I just say... and let’s be real here.... Every single song on this show has been a bop and I would be thrilled to see a whole Soundtrack Album for I-Land on Spotify. Like P L E A S E.

Now onto the debut line! I was S H O C K E D. You can clearly tell these votes were not rigged in the slightest and this was solely based on global votes always shifting which was appreciated. I did not see this order coming and it did turn out slightly different then my post on my preferred I-Land debut line. So starting with number 1.... YANG FUCKING JUNGWON. I was pleasantly surprised and I literally jumped out of my bed when I heard him place first instead of Sunoo. This was the complete definition of people who initially slept on him finally waking. I was soooo thrilled. Bro really came in last by the last Producer vote and then climbed all the way to first. Our lovely sheep garden and hidden ace, a big congrats!

Jay also left his cursed 6th spot and got second! Again another well-deserved man who gave it his all from the beginning and was no stranger to being straightforward and a go getter. His stubbornness and hilarity will lead this group lol.

Jake getting third was a big shock as well. Our icon of improvement! To think he was always on the verge of getting placed out of the top 7 members and made it here? Also considering his benefit put him in 7th once when he literally could have been the eliminated member that episode. UGH. Our Aussie boy did great and seriously improved performance after performance.

Next up.... NIKIIIIIII. Now I’m gonna be real I thought it was gonna be K. I never placed Niki in my debut prediction, but his Flame On performance really change everything for me. Actually, just the whole second part of I-Land was very impactful for him. I was always hesitant about his sportsmanship and whether he was too selfish in the first part (the constant evil-editing did not help, Mnet...), but thanks to other members, he really matured and took a greater lead in things. I really began to fall for him when we got to see him more playful and interactive with other members. Like I really thought he was much happier and understanding throughout the second half of the show. So kudos to him!

Coming in 5th place was Heeseung. I was actually confused man. When he was called first at this point, I just knew this global vote line up will be verrrry different. I was still relieved that he made it and seeing him choke up, this boy who has been going at it the longest among the 9 participants at 3 years to finally debut.... Gosh I could not. As someone who is also Heeseung biased, I was so so so happy for him. Think we all know regardless of which place he got, the boy was destined to debut. My Ace heart feels full ^^. Go get him Leader!!!

Now 6th place... my Ice Prince... Sunghoon! I was actually the most nervous for him. I saw so many people saying that Sunghoon was last in votes or was in danger because a lot of people had the mentality that given his popularity they should reserve the votes for the people who would most likely be eliminated. I think that’s why Heeseung and Sunoo were scored low too. Now I am also biased towards him. I was thinking like what would I do if none of my favorite Bighit trainees (Heeseung, Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon) do not make it? But when he was called to take up the last spot in global voting, I did a back flip (not really but yeah lol). Given that Sunghoon has never gotten any brutal feedback from the Producers and has always adapted to each concept, he deserved this. Just everything he has been through... And shifting his life from being an ice skater of 10 years to this path as an idol.... hold up let me get some damn tissues. May he continue to break out of his shell and show his continuous charms!

Ok the producer choice for 7th place... Again did not see that coming. Sunoo constantly ranking high in global votes only to be one of the deciding factors was another big surprise. I have said that Sunoo’s sunshine personality would be needed, especially if the group were to do cute or youthful concepts. His health had been concerning, but he was able to manage himself so well. Even with powerful choreo! He is not really one of the best dancers but he had always been able to do his part. I really thought the Producers would choose K, but I really thought Bang PD boiled it down to overall skill and personality appeal. He even claimed that Sunoo would connect best with the world with his joyful outlook. I honestly could not agree more. I just people do not rail him for being picked as they should now understand he is not just some cute face and has proven that multiple times. Sunshine Fighting! :)

The eliminated trainees were K and Daniel. Though I thought Daniel has improved a lot, he was just outshined. I also think at his age he should have more time spent in sharpening his skills. What was more devastating was K. He looked like he was obliterated. I mean both of them were naturally sad, but K was just gone to me. I was really hoping that he would make the debut line. K has shown himself as a performer multiple times and was praised for his choreography skills. He even showed to have learned from past behaviors and matured more as a person when taking the leader role. To see him grow and understand where he went wrong.... ugh I really could not bear him looking that way. His thoughts were all over the place and he could barely choke out what he wanted to say. I just hope he meant what he said and actually continues to enjoy music and develop himself as a performer. I knew how much his mom was initially livid at the idea of him becoming an idol so I hope he gets another chance at showing her that he can still do this. Now understand this does not mean you should blame Sunoo for being chosen or complain that Sunoo does not deserve it. I already feel like he is gonna be haunted with the grim reminder that he was chosen instead and think that he doesn’t deserve this because he is not as skilled as K. And people are gonna bandwagon hate on him... and again I say please DO NOT DO THAT. At the end of the day, no matter how much you want OT9 or OT22, this is a survival show and these participants signed up for this. Yes there will be fans who are disappointed, but you shouldn’t waste your anger on the other trainees who were able to succeed instead of your faves. I don’t want this moment to completely wreck K or Daniel’s chances at being an idol again. Same goes for rest of the eliminated I-Land members. This is definitely not the end for any of them so please go on with hope guys because I know you will still have many people’s support! They will end up on the same stage as their colleagues one day.

The last thing I want to say is that though this has been a tough journey and though there may be people who will not be satisfied with the debut line, everyone worked hard. From the participants to the fans and even the Producers, all of them played a special role in making I-Land bearable and exciting to watch. This is a big congrats to everyone who took part in the show despite having to go through many hardships. With that being said let us continue to support the futures of the eliminated I-Land members as well as the grand success of Enhypen. I smell 4th gen leaders :D. Welcome to the BigHit family Enhypen and may your fans, your wings, fly you even higher once you officially debut. F I G H T I N G!

Now... will you guys join in during the next season of I-Land for the next global girl group? :3

.... Ya’ll already know I am lol.

#I-land #iland #enhypen #jungwon #jay #jake #niki #heeseung #sunghoon #sunoo #bts #txt #kpop #kpop survival show #kpop thoughts #kpop opinions #bighit #mnet

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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A good description. For my part, I don't like talking about it because of my own experiences. I can, however, see Batman, a story where nearly every memorable villain and even the protagonist himself is a Svengali, could attract a disproportionate number of rape apologists, though fandom is full of them. (Oh, hey, that's the other thing with Jason. Talia.)

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear you can relate, and I totally understand not wanting to talk about it. I have no idea what your particular situation is, obviously, but I also want to reiterate since its been awhile since I’ve mentioned this part.....I don’t feel any like....basically, my choice to talk about this stuff is simply put, MY choice, made for my own reasons, that aren’t a reflection on any other survivor. There are a million and one reasons NOT to come forward, or to struggle with it or not to be open about what happened to us, and none of them are a reflection on any of us, but rather the position it puts us in.

Again, I don’t know your situation or what gender you might be or anything else, and this isn’t at all because your ask made me feel defensive or anything like that. This is just something I’ve wanted to put into words for awhile now seems relevant today, and here’s as good a place as any to put it down:

For myself, being a male survivor....like, there’s never really been any getting around the existence of that kinda, idk, caveat that not many male survivors come forward. Sure, we all see the posts and tweets reminding “remember, men can be raped too!” But that’s not the same thing as men sharing their stories and experiences the way far more women have come forward. And that’s why I ultimately began talking about my own experiences in order to express how I felt about my own positioning in society and how as a survivor I interact and am interacted with by others. Because frankly, there wasn’t anywhere else I could really look to in order to see others talking or sharing about similar things and see myself reflected in what they were saying or the experiences they were describing. So, if I couldn’t find what I felt I needed or could have benefited from, I figured at least I could put it out there in case anyone else who could relate could benefit from mine.

Except, ultimately I’ve come to feel that I honestly don’t believe its that men just flat out don’t come forward with their stories or experiences, its that even when we do, we’re rarely signal boosted - as you can kinda see from the fact that I can post the most inane shit and get it to a thousand notes, but in the five plus years I’ve been making posts about this subject, I’m lucky if I can get a single post on the topic to double digits as far as notes go.

People just flat out are a combination of uncomfortable with the novelty of actual discussions about and around male survivors as well as being not really sure how to talk about it because we’ve never really developed the tools for it.

And to be 100% clear, this has NOTHING to do with female survivors, as a point of comparison or ANYTHING else. It drives me up a fucking WALL when people try and compare and contrast even just how much men being raped is talked about vs women being raped, no matter WHAT their reasons are, because I promise people, I PROMISE - NO survivor, of any gender, has EVER benefitted from being pitted against other survivors to ANY degree. Its not a zero sum game and it doesn’t help male survivors to pull shit like “well at least female survivors are acknowledged” because a) eww, and b) nobody asked anyone to say that on our behalf, and c) hyper-visibility isn’t a privilege (or whatever the best parallel to that might be, I’m not trying to appropriate an anti-blackness specific term so much as its the closest comparison I have at the moment for something that isn’t even a matter of marginalized identities but rather marginalized experiences) and d) its COMPLETELY beside the point and actually misses the point by a WIDE margin.

Because what I’ve come to realize over the years, from my own experiences and talking and sharing with survivors of all genders and demographics and walks of life, is that first off....nobody really needs the reminder that hey, men can be raped too. We see it happen all throughout entertainment and other aspects of society, its not an experience that’s hidden away from the light, its just not ever really CALLED what it is, or followed up on, and talked about.

Like Dick Grayson isn’t a statistical outlier in media. Take Horrible Bosses, a summer blockbuster comedy a few years back with a cast of fairly big name comedians, and whose running B plot throughout the whole movie was Jennifer Aniston’s character wanting to rape her employee, Charlie Day’s character. Not only was this not objectionable to audiences in any sizable way, not only did this never really get called out as wtf by critics and reviews, the movie was successful enough to warrant a sequel with even BIGGER names in its cast, like Christopher Pine, and the continuation of the Aniston’s character trying to rape Charlie Day’s subplot. With zero awareness. And its not like that’s the only movie. There’s plenty more I could name.

Or then you’ve got television, where like, take Riverdale, a well-promoted, well known CW show....whose first few episodes featured the lead character Archie in a sexual relationship with his much older female teacher. Except not really a relationship, because that’s textbook, no debate, literal statutory rape.....that ended with Archie’s character being condemned for it as though he were on equal footing with the teacher, who ultimately left town, and it never really acknowledged that he was literally a victim of statutory rape, that any teacher who does that is not an equal partner but a predator. I stopped watching the show for a lot of reasons by like the fourth episode, but I see enough gifs on tumblr to know that several seasons later, this left little enough impact that some kind of Archie-goes-to-jail plotline has resulted in more memes and jokes about prison rape than I can count, and zero awareness that people are compounding jokes about a character who is literally already an unacknowledged survivor.

That’s one. Or you can take Once Upon A Time, a popular ABC show of multiple seasons, and the running subplot where Robin Hood’s character is raped by the Wicked Witch literally the same way Dick was by Mirage in the comics. She shapeshifts into Maid Marian, who ends up dead, and has ‘sex’ with Robin Hood (no, she rapes him) and ends up pregnant. Not only is this never really called what it is, later on, other characters LITERALLY CHEW HIM OUT for objecting to this baby being left in the care of her mother, aka his rapist, and for ‘not being willing to give her the benefit of the doubt/let her change’ as though him not wanting to co-parent with his rapist is no different from any of the show’s other dubious redemption storylines....except for the fact that this particular part of her redemption arc isn’t ever really one she actually needs redeeming for, because nobody ever fucking points out that she literally raped him and he was her victim. Fast forward to the end of the series, Robin Hood’s been dead for seasons, the Wicked Witch is happily redeemed and has a loving wholesome relationship with her daughter, named after Robin Hood like they were some kind of loving, happy family instead of a rapist, her victim, and the child that was born of it.

Or you can take Grimm, a fairly successful NBC show of multiple seasons WHICH LITERALLY DID THE EXACT SAME THING. The main character Nick was raped in season two by the antagonist of the time, who shape shifted into his wife and had ‘sex’ with him, with him not realizing the truth until later on, by which point she’s pregnant with his child. Fast forward to the end of the show, not only was this never really called what it was, his wife’s character was killed off seasons earlier and he is now, get this, ‘happily’ in a romantic and sexual longterm relationship with his rapist (who he by now knows exactly what she did do and what happened between them and just.....got over it without ever actually like, reacting to it)....and oh yeah, not only are they raising the child born of it together, they’ve had a second child since then.

Anyone ever hear much outcry about the male rapes in these shows? And again, like Horrible Bosses, tip of the iceberg. There’s a LOT more shows I could name, just like there are movies.

Or take comics. Its not even just Dick Grayson that’s a survivor. Or Bruce. Or Jason as you pointed out, which......I know a lot of people ignore both Morrison AND Winick’s take on Talia in order to not write her as the rapist she is in their stories, which I can totally understand as she was a well-established character of color for long before either of them got their hands on her and its perfectly valid for people not to want to have to write her as being tarnished as a rapist because two different writers wrote her that way....without.....either of them ever really acknowledging that was literally how they were writing her. I myself write her as a character of complicated and often dubious morality, but never a rapist, for that reason and many others, but its definitely there. And even in a fandom that has never lacked for acknowledgment of Dick being a survivor whose rapists were women.....a LOT of people still romanticize Jason’s ‘relationship’ with Talia as being something other than a grown woman taking advantage of a minor in an extremely vulnerable and compromised state.....with a TON of other takes out there about the two of them, in posts and fics alike, where its somehow danced around or outright called something other than “that time Talia raped Jason in the comics.”

But its not just the Batbooks. Its like how I’ve mentioned in the past, Garth Ennis wrote into one of his storylines that Kyle Rayner was raped when he went to Gotham one time.....not to make it a plot point, but to use it as a JOKE. Or take Marvel comics, Bobby Drake, one of my other all-time favorite characters....who is also a rape survivor of multiple occasions, without it ever acknowledged as such. Like, he was briefly in a relationship with Mystique, who turned out to have entered the relationship under false pretenses, shocking, and who used having sex with him to depower him and take him out of the upcoming fight between the X-Men and the Marauders, which...we don’t have time to unpack all that right now. But fast forward about a year later, and Bobby has since gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend Opal Tanaka.....who, it turns out, is actually just Mystique in disguise, having sex with him again without it ever being called rape since he was consenting to sex with Opal, not the woman who slept with him that one time just to make sure he was helpless to stop a whole lot of people from getting killed. But hey, forget about Mystique! How about that time Chuck Austen wrote him ‘having sex’ with an empath who was EXPLICITLY noted in the narrative as using her powers to manipulate his emotions to even WANT to have sex with her in the first place, and when an issue later it comes out she’s married and her husband starts beating up Bobby for ‘sleeping with his wife’ all the other characters present, all of them friends and teammates of his, condemn Bobby for this without it ever being acknowledged that he was literally manipulated into it by a superpower and he was the victim.

Again. Tip. Of. The. Iceberg.

But you see what I mean? Male rape isn’t an outlier and it isn’t an unknown....its everywhere! Its just.....never called that, really, and never really talked about, even by people who normally would, except for the fact that I don’t think we as a society have ever really forced ourselves to FIND a way to talk about it, because of the fact that like.....the very notion of it threatens and undermines the essence of the patriarchal beliefs that are hammered into us all from day one. Even when we know the patriarchy is crap, we still have so much ingrained in us from early childhood that stuff like this, which is a blatant symptom of it even if not one aimed primarily at disadvantaging women.....like, it slips under the radar because its never fully called out or spotlighted in loud enough or widely enough ways to keep us from overlooking how much its impacted our POVs.

Blatantly put, the patriarchy and sexism RELIES on the idea that men are somehow more powerful/stronger/whatthefuckever than women. And male victims - of abuse as well as rape, though definitely rape.....like, even just a widespread awareness of our existence is enough to kinda destabilize that belief that is so foundational to the patriarchy its DEPENDENT on it being upheld as unassailable truth.

Because if forced to acknowledge that men are just as vulnerable to even something like rape as anyone else in the ‘right’ situations or dynamics, it forces confrontation with the reality that no matter what the patriarchy has claimed for as long as its existed.....men aren’t inherently any more powerful, or stronger, or resistant to harm/humiliation/VICTIMIZATION as anyone else.

And the patriarchy flat out can’t afford that confrontation, so it can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors.

Again, just want to be beyond clear - nowhere here am I okay with making this about a compare and contrast between the experiences and interactions society has with male survivors and around male rape, and the same with female survivors and rape. Because I mean, we all should be more than aware that society as a whole sucks at the acknowledgment, addressing and handling of rape in any context, in any of the ways it comes up as a topic, in terms of any survivor who comes forward no matter who or when or how.....like. We suck at this topic, and at any and all discussions about this topic. Period. Flat out. So when I say the patriarchy can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors, I am in no way aiming to diminish the reality that it does just as fucking an abyssmal job at acknowledging and responding to female survivors....the point here is not the poor reception any and all survivors receive to disclosing their experiences in our society, but rather the specific why of this when it comes to male survivors just as the particular subject of focus here.

And again, like, my only credentials here are just like. My life experiences, lol. I’m not trying to claim anything more or other than that, make no mistake. I’m a literal college drop out, this is not the result of comprehensive studies or vetted by the scientific method. This is literally just “like, my opinion, man” and makes no pretenses at being other than that. Its just the conclusions I’ve formed over the years and why, completely anecdotal and not aiming to be any kind of authoritative or expert viewpoint with my personal take here. Largely because I haven’t really found anywhere that I feel the conversation has proceeded enough in earnest that its even at a point that would ALLOW for that yet. So this is all more just.....my feel of things, and why, as just kinda idk, hopefully a starting point for further ACTUAL exploration of all this. My attempts at starting the kind of conversation I feel we need to be having in order to be at all productive instead of just constantly spinning around in circles, which is what it so often feels like.

So when I say I think the patriarchy can’t honestly AFFORD to acknowledge male survivors specifically, I’m not positing some grand conspiracy or active cover-up.

Because nothing like that is even necessary.

Its built into the framework of the system itself. Its not that I believe anyone goes out of their way to “hide” male survivors from anyone, I’m saying there’s no need. Because its been so ingrained into us from such a young age and in so many ways, most of us never even think to question whether anything is even being hidden, or if its just as simple as, well men don’t really come forward, because their pride and self-esteem is so impacted by what happened to them, due to the expectations heaped on men by the patriarchy.

Its kinda stunning, actually. Even while ACKNOWLEDGING that the patriarchy does impact male survivors in ways as well, we’re kinda....led away from the ACTUAL ways and ACTUAL reasons why....because despite literally calling the patriarchy out as the bad guy in this way, it still manages to weasel itself out of this confrontation by virtue of the fact that you can’t ever really effectively address a problem when you’re being misdirected to a tangent that’s not really the REAL problem that needs addressing.

So personally, I’m of the belief that its not that men just don’t ever really come forward. Its that even when some do, like myself, we can scream our heads off for years and it just echoes into the void, because its not being heard in the ways we need to be heard in order to effectively....signalboost our stories and experiences and needs. Much like I just mentioned above, its misdirection......everybody’s too focused on addressing an issue that doesn’t actually NEED solving (ie, reminding everyone/promoting awareness that men too, CAN be raped), and thus at least feeling productive, feeling like they’re contributing to tackling the problem.....that meanwhile, the ACTUAL problem (men CAN be raped too, and are, and here are men talking about it only for the signal to get lost and fizzle out rather than get boosted)....it flies right under the radar.

Because in line with what I said earlier about how it does no good to compare our experiences, both in terms of assault and our lives in the aftermath, with women survivors - its because its apples and oranges.

Rape isn’t a gendered issue, because it can happen to anyone of any gender, at any time....its situational. Dependent on context. Rape culture, however, IS a gendered issue.

Because rape culture, how our society INTERACTS with the very idea of abuse and rape and its victims and perpetrators....spills out entirely from that core foundation of the patriarchy and sexism, and thus much like those things themselves, how it affects women survivors is always going to be totally different from how it affects men who are survivors. Our experiences are not interchangeable - that has nothing to do with being better or worse, more publicized or less, etc, etc. They just....manifest different ways. The cause of our trauma-related problems might be the same thing, but the problems it creates for us are not, and none of us can ever really benefit from it being treated as a one size fits all kinda deal, nor is it to our benefit to treat it like there’s only so much conversation about the topic available to go around.

What I mean here is, like I said, the patriarchy at the foundation of our society can’t afford for it to be widely acknowledged that men can be victimized too.

But it can’t actually stop this from happening, given that its basis for saying it never happens is an inherent uneven-ness that only exists because it made it exist, not because like....we’re innately born uneven.

So....it had to come up with a narrative, a response, for when men DID step forward and say hey, I too was abused. I was raped. Etc.

And it did.

As a result, a lot of women don’t come forward because they fear not being believed, with reason. And this is true for a lot of men as well, just as the following is true for a lot of women too....

Which is that IMO the bigger reason/more immediate reason a lot of men don’t come forward, is that our concern isn’t so much that we won’t be believed....

Its that we will be believed, but rather than this getting us the help we need or the justice we ask for, it only ever really creates more problems for us, due to the patriarchy’s go-to fix-it job for this situation:

Paint the male victim as being not so much a victim as a victimizer-in-training.

See, the lie that men are innately more powerful, stronger, more ‘deserving’ of being in charge can’t afford the admittance than men are also vulnerable, can be victimized, taken advantage of.....

But it CAN afford the idea that men can be abused/raped/etc with this going on to eventually result in us becoming abusers/rapists/victimizers ourselves in the future, as long as THIS is kept the clear focus and emphasis of the narrative.

Because after all, there’s nothing in the idea that we all inevitably take out our pain (whatever it may come from) on others that contradicts the idea that we’re stronger, more powerful, etc.

And its not like the patriarchy and its supporters give a shit if this throws even other men under the bus, because the only thing institutions and systems of power actually care about is POWER.

They’re not our friend, even if in a different life, we could have ended up wielding more of that power than we do in this one. Even if we do in other aspects of our lives gain social and other forms of power more easily/with less obstacles than other people.

They only care what we can do for them, to spread that power, perpetuate it, preserve it....so just like white supremacy will happily screw over poor white people and America doesn’t give a shit about its prison population and the LGBTQ+ community so often ignores the issues of its members of color and so on.....the patriarchy is more than willing to make male survivors from any and all groups and communities take the hit it has no intention of taking by letting it be confirmed its built on sand and bullshit.

So just as much as we’re ingrained from early childhood with the idea that men can’t be victimized the way others can, the linked lesson we’re taught is that men who have been hurt badly or in certain ways will almost certainly end up hurting others.....

With the implicit acknowledgment that there was just an admittance that we can be hurt badly/in certain ways ending up just swiftly glossed over. As the focus is instead kept on the harm done to our hypothetical future victims.

Because the easiest way to keep someone from being sympathetic, is to give people someone else to sympathize with MORE. To give people reason to feel a person doesn’t even deserve your sympathy in the first place.

And so now think about not how often we see men victimized by abuse and rape in media, or how often we see men portrayed as survivors and yes, victims of these things.....

Think instead of how often in media we see men who victimize others, who are the antagonists, the villains, the serial killer/rapist/abuser of the week.......and with it offhandedly being dropped into a scene and then never really focused on again, that these men were almost always said to have been abused or raped or victimized in the past....and this is the REASON for why they all ended up doing what they did.

Suddenly, the numbers go up, don’t they? The second you think about it from THAT angle?

Its just....the reason that angle literally exists to the extent it does in society and the messages we’re fed, the entertainment we’re given.....is because that’s the POINT.

Because its natural for us not to think of any of those men as victims when by the time we find that part out, we’ve already internalized our view of them as victimizers, and solidly put our sympathies with their victims in the present. Because what was done to them in the past doesn’t excuse what they do to others in the present. Being hurt doesn’t give you carte blanche to hurt others. We all know this. Hence....WHY IT WORKS.

Except, this isn’t actually a reflection of reality. The myth of the perpetual cycle of abuse is just that, a myth. Oh, it happens, certainly. With men, with women, quite probably more often with men than women, not much doubt about that....

But its not that it happens, we’re told. That’s not the issue here.

Its that we’re pretty much told it ALWAYS happens. Its always GOING to happen. That there’s no real point in sympathizing with a male victim who is most likely going to end up victimizing someone else in the future and thus he’s not really gonna deserve your sympathy at that point, will he? Which makes him not really worth wasting it on him in the first place. Makes it easy to come up with something to focus on more instead of his story or experiences, something just as deserving of your focus or sympathy, but that you’re less likely to end up regretting in the future like you would if a male survivor you sympathized with now ends up in the news five years down the line for having hurt someone else.

Because over centuries and generations the idea of male survivors at all has been cultivated into having this almost mythic quality, there’s just enough subtle feeling of wrongness around the very idea of it, like, that it just doesn’t quite make sense...that it ends up being almost a relief to give our minds a reason, an explanation for why they don’t have to come up with a way to adjust the paradigm there, to make room for that idea, realign a worldview into one where there’s a specific spot for male survivors much like any other subject that needs focusing on or evaluating for whatever reason.

And this point, this conclusion that no matter how tragic what happened to make a male survivor was, it will only ever ultimately end up in the same spot, with him later on passing along the harm, a warped kind of paying it forward....this is hammered home over and over. We see it everywhere, without even often realizing what it is we’re seeing and internalizing, like with the examples I cited of all the times men are raped in entertainment without it being called that. Its the flip side of that....the times that men are raped in entertainment with it being called that, but swiftly moved past that to introduce the reason not to care that that’s what it was we just saw.

And thus throughout several seasons of Law & Order: SVU we’ve had male survivors, usually teens, who at first seemed eminently sympathetic for what had been done to them.....but who by the end of the episodes, ended up becoming school shooters exacting revenge on their bullies. Or ended up killing the coach who raped them in high school and then went on to rape a dozen others. Or in the last scene of the episode is found kneeling over their abusive father’s corpse with blood on their hands and the detectives standing over them in sadness that now they had to take the boy they thought was the victim away to jail as the victimizer he didn’t have to end up becoming.

Except.....he only becomes that because they make the choice to write him becoming it! Every single time!

Like in 13 Reasons Why, where another male survivor ends up....another school shooter. Or in Criminal Minds, where pretty much every single killer throughout the series ended up with a backstory of abuse and rape and victimization as a child, making it ‘all the more tragic’ and with the protagonists often literally using the phrase “almost like the guy never had a chance.”

Well no, they didn’t. Not when it was written to BE that way.

And then we see the idea root and take hold in audiences. And spread and perpetuated. Validated.

Its why I hate the woobification thing in fandoms, where fans of (white) villain characters fill in their backstory for themselves with all the REASONS they are the way they are, and with the reasons never being that they’re just a sadistic entitled asshole, but because they were hurt. They were abused as a child, they were raped offscreen, the heroes said mean things about them in the burn book once and that’s why they just had to kill the hero’s whole family, see.

And everything comes full circle.....not only is it that all male victims are destined to end up victimizers....its equally true that all male victimizers must have once been male victims. Even if we didn’t see it onscreen or on the page.

Except, and why I loathe that fandom tendency.....

THAT NARRATIVE IS NOT AN INEVITABILITY AND NEVER WAS! The end point and point of origin presented there are NOT innately set in stone!

And all that does is just validate and accept as truth the LIE that patriarchal society puts forth in order to play smoke and mirrors with this one specific facet of human experiences that innately possesses the potential to destabilize the lie at the very rock bottom foundation of everything the patriarchy’s ever built at everyone else’s expense. The reason it offers up for why its not only allowable, its for the best that we look elsewhere from any male victims that actually step forward and say hey, can you all listen to me for a second, I want to tell you what happened to me.

And the fun irony of THIS aspect of things is if you think this woobification fandom thing benefits male survivors as a whole in some way or another, like the tendency of fans to find even villainous victimizers sympathetic means that they can and do sympathize just as much with actual male victims.....I’m fairly certain it doesn’t.

See, because with villains in fandom......this retroactive sympathy for imagined past traumas happens to only the characters that fandom has already decided they liked DESPITE the awful things they’ve done. Its made up to be used as an excuse instead of an explanation....

And like we all know damn well, even if we don’t always admit it or like to acknowledge it....

Explanations are not actually excuses. The harm you do can not be wiped away by the harm done to you.

So, because that’s still inside of us, our awareness of that, even if its ignored on the surface while defending hot white villains or whatever.....it doesn’t actually give anyone reason to ignore the narrative our society constructs around actual male survivors who it encourages people to condemn or ignore on the basis of purely hypothetical FUTURE abuses or wrongdoings.

And after all, you can’t actually decide you can look past the harms a person enacts and still view them as sympathetic if....you don’t actually know yet what those harms are going to end up being and thus whether you can make your peace with them, can you?

You just know that harms WILL be done, so....might as well err on the side of caution and assume they won’t be forgivable when deciding here and now to be thrifty with sympathies and spread any actionable effort taken on behalf of survivors in areas where those sympathies are more likely to be put to better use.

And yeah, all of this plays into why I focus so much on certain aspects of Dick’s narratives, and they usually AREN’T the rapes themselves.

Because for me, for many other male survivors I know......

Acknowledging those happened, examining how he felt when those happened....its not the biggest issue. Just like in our own lives, having it acknowledged or known what was done to us, having to face how it made us feel....that’s not really our primary concern.

Its what happens AFTER that.

How people view us and treat us AFTER their initial sympathies, whatever they are, dry up - which, we’re given reason to believe, they always inevitably will.

Because it isn’t all that different from what I frequently complain of happening with Dick in fandom, and hell, its WHY it bothers me so much, because its literally been a recurrent theme throughout my life:

The most widely acknowledged male survivor in comics, just also happens to coincidentally be....

The character most often spun as having a wicked temper, being almost irrationally angry at times, with his temper being likened to things like an eruption, an earthquake, a NATURAL DISASTER....something to be avoided at all costs, something the other characters fear, with good reason, but also impossible to avoid, because its too intrinsic to his nature. Its an inevitability. Dick Grayson WILL erupt or explode again at some point, and its going to be ugly. Like he’s a time bomb.

Even though....as I frequently go in depth on.....Dick’s never actually been shown as having particularly poor self-control either on just its own merits or specifically in comparison to others. He doesn’t really actually HAVE a track record of taking out his own hurts on others. On giving people REASON to be afraid of his temper even while they continue to take no responsibility for giving him reasons to be angry at all.

Its why I so often emphasize the discrepancy between the fact that whatever someone’s own personal character preferences, the FACT remains that Dick Grayson is the character in this family that most often bears the BRUNT of everyone ELSE’S anger.......just as the fact equally remains that Dick Grayson is still ultimately the character most often singled out in posts and headcanons and fanfics as unleashing his temper on others in unjustifable ways and usually without actual provocation.

None of this is a coincidence to me.

Its how we see over and over again that its okay for Dick Grayson to be angry FOR others, ON others’ behalf....its just when he’s angry FOR HIMSELF, for being taken advantage of, ignored, walked all over or mistreated....that’s when his anger is unjustified. Irrational.

Dangerous.

Or you guys know that one fanon about how Dick forces his hugs on his siblings, and his displays of physical affection are often unwanted, and thus violations?

Yeah, that one hits me right in the Issues too, because again, that’s not remotely supported by anything in canon....there has NEVER been an instance of Dick’s family asking him to cut it our or feeling like......IMPOSED upon because he likes to hug his family.

Its not to say people can’t feel that way about even well-meaning displays of physical affection that aren’t cleared with them first....

Its that this is something that people had to DECIDE to make a thing with Dick and his family. To actually craft the narrative that the many-times victim of unwanted touching was effectively violating his family’s wishes and boundaries every time he hugs them without being asked or invited to.

With that number being however many times a writer wants to write him doing when highlighting it as a violation.

And is this a thing we really see with any other character? Is my question there. How often do you see literally any other character being chewed out or resented for....hugging?

Just the one character most known for giving physical affection freely with his FAMILY and close friends.....

Who just so happens to also be the one character most often the guy who has his bodily autonomy violated.

The canon rape survivor has literally had HUGS weaponzed against him.

With the end result being.....every time he does it, every time this pings on a reader’s radar as Bad and Unwelcome....the linked takeaway is its one more reason for that reader to then ask themselves....well if he doesn’t care whether other people want him touching them, why should I care when he doesn’t want people touching him either?

Which ultimately just winds up another form of: why should I feel bad if bad things happened to someone who isn’t really that great of a person?

See what I mean?

Its all connected. Its not me getting frustrated with a bunch of different random things, its all the same thing at the end of the day, all so often traceable back to the same places.

I couldn’t untangle myself from so much of this and how it impacts me and my view of things even if I wanted to, to such an extent that in the end, want really has very little to do with it.

(And uh, you think those bug the shit out of me, let me tell you about just the very SIGHT of all those fics where Dick the widely acknowledged, perhaps best known male rape victim in comics.....is a rapist himself. Because yeah....even if people like to keep their incest light and fluffy or sweet instead of predatory, to someone who is y’know, personally familiar with all of this, Dick and ANY of his younger brothers is never going to appear as anything BUT predatory. As yet one more time where the linear journey of a male survivor all the way to the final evolution into male predator is born out and treated as so matter-of-fact, so inevitable, it hardly warrants noting as anything especially obscene or gross to write about a character famous for his survivor status. And its not like Dick is actually the only character in the franchise I like, so its not like its any better when its Jason painted as the aggressor in a fic, for instance....and while I will always be hugely critical of how Bruce is written as abusive in canon, that’s a wildly different thing from sexually preying on his sons so again, seeing him as his own sons’ rapists is yet again more upsetting than most people would think without connecting Bruce’s own status as a canon rape survivor, whether we like that story or not.....and plugging it into again, this pre-programmed route traveling from survivor to predator, over and over again. Victim to victimizer. Like clockwork.)

Anyway, my point is not to harp on this but rather to just lay it out there in this way. And how it plays into so much of my own personal approach to dealing with all of this when it comes up.......because the simple fact is I have to, there is no opt-out lol, and it comes up a lot, in large part because its so easy t reframe as being something else that most people who don’t have direct experience being directly impacted by all of this in its various myriad expressions are understandably not going to see it pinging on their radar and getting logged into their awareness the way it always does in mine.

*Shrugs* It is what it is. Its there. Avoiding it has never done me any favors, so.......as I so often demonstrate in a variety of degrees of Hmm Probably Coulda Done That Better, lol, I try and deal with things head-on and adjust as needed.

Easier said than done, not always pulled off, never any guarantee that I’m going about things the right way, just that like.....

There’s problems that need addressing that stem from all of this, and I know where mine lie and put a lot, a LOT of effort into addressing them and keeping an eye on them and not letting them get the better of me.

But the flipside of paying that close attention and that much means I’m also keenly aware of when and where I couldn’t take responsibility even if I wanted to, because the responsibility literally just isn’t mine to take....because yeah, I live in a society but guess what, so does everyone else, and its the same damn society, so at the end of the day, no matter HOW well or not I go about handling the matter of my rapes and their overall impact and shaping of my life.....that’s just me handling the rape part of things.

The rape culture? And how THAT affects and informs every survivor’s life in whatever way it does going forward?

That’s kinda.....only ever going to be improved upon or not, on like....a cultural scale. That’s a society thing. Not a survivor thing.

Because we are all shaped by our cultures, every aspect of our cultures, and this one is unfortunately no different. But, its shaped by us too.

But to actually shape it INTO something, or more accurately, to shape it into LESS of what it is, blunt some of its edges, lessen some of its ability to do harm to survivors, to compound the harm already done.....

Something like THAT requires intent. Conscious effort.

And intent requires like....first being able to SEE what problems need addressing.

And that’s kiiiiinda the whole point of survivors coming forward when so rarely, so MINUTELY does it EVER result in actionable justice for that individual survivor.

And I don’t for a second believe a single one ever believes or assumes otherwise.

Cuz its super not fun. It never like......I don’t fucking know how it looks to other people, tbh, because I’ve literally been a survivor since before I even really knew that I was being abused or molested, that there was something I was surviving....but trust me, I’ve thought about it, I’ve wondered, and I don’t know if like, people think a survivor ‘telling their story’ is somehow an equivalent of like, getting a book deal or something, there’s the attention it brings after all, and isn’t there that saying that no publicity is bad publicity.....

LOL. Yeah. Umm. Just saying, if you don’t have personal experience as a survivor having come forward or shared openly about your experiences, let me refer you to another saying as counterpoint: Don’t believe everything you hear.

Cuz that’s definitely not one anyone else ever forgets when ‘listening’ to any of us.

Anyway, wrapping this up by bringing it back to like.....my extremely evident mood and irration of this past week.....this is ALL connected, this is ALL part and parcel of every single time this comes up as an issue for me and its never less of one at one time than it is at another, its never a little easier this time because this reason or that....its always the same damn frustration every single time. Stuff like this doesn’t get doled out in manageable portions, its all or nothing. Its either a problem right this current second or its not, and if its not, that’s only until the next time its a problem again, likely sooner rather than later.

And that’s the part that makes me talk about this as much as I do, and get as frustrated as I do when people just do not seem to get.....

I don’t have an off switch on this matter because there IS no off switch for me. The times I get frustrated and vent about this stuff are actually only at MOST a TENTH of how often it rears its head for me to deal with.....the times my reactions or responses boil over into public view, into something you guys see, or ‘have to deal with’ are literally just the times where there is no keeping a lid on it because the pot was already full to start with.

And so it really. Epically. Beyoooooond doesn’t help matters, when despite being the only male survivor I’m aware of being consistently vocal on the matter in the only fandom I know of where a prominant male character is almost universally acknowledged as a survivor....

I usually only ever hear the response:

“Mmmmmm, I’m not really sure what makes you think there’s a problem here and that it has anything to do with us, when see, I don’t agree, and I don’t really see why you think your opinion on the matter of how this particular character is written about and viewed and depicted interacting with others and how fandom interacts with him, is like.....of any kind of real relevance? This is just like....your opinion, man.”

Me: ........have I ever claimed for a second it wasn’t? Didn’t I use those exact words at least once in all of this already?

fahsklhfaklhflakfhalffha

Cuz for the record, ultimately, that’s what this all boils down to. I’ve wanted to post about this stuff for awhile now, but make no mistake:

It literally is all just my opinion? Formed of my own personal experiences and the conclusions I’ve taken away from them. Laid out as fully and extensively as I can manage, specifically SO people can take all of that into context when deciding for themselves how much weight or not to GIVE my opinion......

In which case, y’know, the experiences I have with this matter and how they correlate to these opinions, like, have contextual relevance and seem necessary to include.

Its NOT because I’m trying to use them to browbeat everyone into agreeing with me because I think I’m the only one whose opinion matters here, lol.

No. Just that like....it DOES matter? And its kinda exhausting when people act like all of this is arbitrary and abstract to me, that its some kind of superiority complex or me moralizing from a pulpit or some shit when I’m literally saying none of it is abstract or arbitrary to me, and the louder I say that, the more people THEN say “oh so basically your opinion is the only one that matters here unless we disclose the same kind of experiences or background huh?”

*headdesk*

I just.....it seems my stance is either born of self-righteousness and nothing personal whatsoever....unless I make enough of a fuss about how that’s NOT true, in which case my stance is that apparently I think I’m the only one who is allowed to have an opinion here because I’ve made such a point about it being personal.

But its definitely not that people are just determined to invalidate anything I have to say on this subject one way or another, right?

Anyway.

So all of that’s like...whatever that was. Make of it what you guys will, but I do hope that at least for some people whom it might be a new perspective or new information to, you’ll consider asking why is it that in a fandom that prominently features a canon male survivor whose survivorhood is so frequently denoted as a key and critical part of his character....someone like me, who is frequently cited as a resource on many, many other kinds of meta about Dick Grayson......seems to have more people interested in discouraging me from ever expounding on my own experiences in this matter and any correlations I see between those and Dick’s experiences and narratives, than there are people interested in like......utilizing me as the freaking resource on male survivor experiences and viewpoints that I’ve literally been out here offering to be from day one....specifically BECAUSE of how rarely men are viewed as coming forward and being open about our shit here.

*Shrugs*

Just food for thought.

#rape cw

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atruththatyoudeny · 5 years

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Monthly Reads | August 2019

Oh, look, it's the 28th again! Celebrating the launch of Gucci's new fragrance and the fantastic new pics I had to reread Landslide. Other than that there are 21 fics in this list - and like always: so many thanks go out to all the amazing authors in this fandom who share their stories with us! ♥

Landslide | aimmyarrowshigh , spibsy (lucy_and_ramona) | historical - 1970s - cults - undercover - psychological drama - racism - period typical attitudes - internalized homophobia - PTSD - and more...please read all the tags carefully - 143k The year is 1976. In November, Jimmy Carter will take control of the White House. Americans are meeting Laverne & Shirley at their apartment in Milwaukee. Hotel California diverges from the reign of Kool & the Gang. And the FBI is still reeling from the repercussions of Watergate, the tragedy at Wounded Knee, Operation Family Secrets, and the strategic terrors of the anti-cult movement. That's what Special Agent Harry Styles has been told is the basis of his mission to an abandoned farmhouse in rural New Hampshire. With his hair grown out long and his shirt untucked, he's going undercover to do reconnaissance on suspected cult leader Louis Tomlinson, who has led a group of people out into the middle of nowhere, leaving no record of the life he'd had before. All Harry knows is what the agency gave him: Tomlinson's name, and instructions to figure out what he's doing with the eleven people he brought with him. In the year that Harry spends undercover and under Louis Tomlinson's wing, he learns more than he ever expected.

I Drove All Night (To Get To You) | lovelarry10 | famous/not famous - strangers to lovers - pining - fluff - 23k Harry’s job as a chauffeur for the rich and famous was not as flashy as he’d thought. Late nights having to listen to the ridiculous demands and whims of these high profile clients leaves him disheartened with the world he thought was all glitz and glamour. One night his boss asks him a favour. To collect one last client before he clocks off. Only problem is when that client gets into the car it’s Louis Tomlinson. As in Harry’s all time crush. As in future husband and father of all his children Louis Tomlinson. He can be cool and professional, right?

Live Like You Were Dying | YesIsAWorld | car accidents - love confessions - self discovery - 2k I’m in love with you. The phone fell from his hand, and the world went black.

Calling Clifford | noellehenry | fluff - humor - 10k The summer AU where Clifford has his own peculiar ways of matchmaking.

Home Remedies | kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie) | friends to lovers - smut - 4k Louis’ hiccups just won’t stop. Harry, his roommate and best friend, is willing to do anything to help.

Traffic Light | dinosaursmate | Traffic Light Party - smut - friends with benefits - 7k Harry, a university student fresh out of a relationship, attends a Traffic Light Party. He knew all about the red, yellow and green cups, but the blue one confuses him. What does DTF mean, anyway?

Down On the Farm | kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie) | bonfires - farm/ranch - smut - 5k Every Friday night there's a steady cloud of dust That leads back to a field filled with pickup trucks Got old Hank crankin', way up loud Got coolers in the back, tailgates down There's a big fire burnin' but don't be alarmed It's just country boys and girls gettin' down on the farm — “Down On the Farm” by Tim McGraw

Driving On The Wrong Side, Thinking Of You | dinosaursmate | Marcel AU - implied/ referenced homophobia - High School AU - friends to lovers - promiscuity - 25k Louis is the most popular guy in sixth form. Don't get the wrong idea, he's a good guy, and he absolutely won't stand for his friends teasing his neighbour, Marcel.

Restless Lane | jaerie | a/b/o - secret identity - childhood friends - secrets - friends to lovers - angst - 14k Louis had grown used to his boring life back in Mississippi as a stand-in father figure to his siblings. He never expected his childhood friend to show up on his lawn with the heat of summer or that he would remind Louis how much of himself he'd tucked away and neglected. He also never expected to find himself caught up in a tangled web of feelings or secrets that just might break him. Maybe he had never known Harry at all.

Waiting for the tides to meet | nauticalleeds (metamorphosis) | soulmates - pining - miscommunication - angst - fluff - friends to lovers - slow burn - 60k Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart. Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

If I Stay | Rearviewdreamer | Walk In The Clouds AU - fake/pretend relationship - mpreg - slow burn - 37k Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.

Mirror Touch | pinky_heaven19 | Synesthesia - hurt/comfort - fluff - pining - strangers to lovers - 58k The one where Harry owns a second-hand clothing store, and Louis is a radio host. Louis has mirror-touch synesthesia, which makes him experience what people around him feel. He feels a lot around Harry.

In Your Black Heart (Is Where You'll Find Me) | graceling_in_a_suit | a/b/o - omega/omega - pirates - historical - 36k Louis Tomlinson has been lying for five years. His crew sees him as a pirate, a Captain, and an alpha; only two of those are the truth. He was content to let the illusion go on forever, but an omega named Harry Styles just had to join his crew and get his warm-vanilla stink all over Louis' best laid plans. Or: the story of The Captain and The Carpenter.

Supposed to Be | kikikryslee | High School - stereotypes - enemies to friends to lovers - slow burn - hate to love - 26k The Geek Charming AU where Harry's a film geek, Louis' a popular jock, and they both need each other to get what they want.

Meet me where the tulips grow | tempolarriefics | study abroad - fluff - 19k The one where Harry studies abroad and falls in love with both the city of Amsterdam and the boy he explores it with.

When i'm set alight | mixedfandomfics | teacher AU - hate to love - misunderstandings - 14k Louis and Harry hate each other. Always have, always will. No one is quite sure how they will handle it when their favorite students ask them to lead a new LGBT club at their school.

Breathe In, Breathe Out | dinosaursmate | friends to lovers - pining - 12k Louis Tomlinson begins visiting a new pub on his lunch break, mostly because he really fancies Harry, the cute, curly-haired barman. As Louis gears up to ask him out, he doesn't realise that there is a huge stumbling block in his way: Harry is taken, and by someone rather familiar.

I am mad all about you | godslut | med students - coffe shop - 5k Harry is a pre-med student trying to quit coffee. louis pretends to be spider-man to make kids laugh.

Welcome Back From The Friend Zone | 2tiedships2 | a/b/o - friends to lovers - fake/pretend relationship - mutual pining - 32k The one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.

A Life That's Good (series) | lovelarry10 | fluff - kid fic - adoption - light angst - 66k Harry and Louis were married young, but always knew that they wanted a family together. Soon, through adoption, Hope came into their lives, and was later joined by her younger brother Oscar. Join the Tomlinsons on their journey in family life. �� You're My Only Hope Harry and Louis have been hoping to start a family for a while, but it hasn't happened for them just yet. With the surprise arrival of a newborn baby on the doorstep at work, are their family dreams about to become reality? ② Tiny Dancer It's Hope's first ballet recital, and Harry and Louis are more than excited to watch their four year old daughter perform for the first time. ③ Who You Are Things are going wonderfully for Harry and Louis. Their family has never been stronger. When a connection to their son’s past appears out of nowhere, it makes them wonder what lies ahead for the future of their family. ④ We Got Love Harry and Louis thought their family was complete. They were wrong. ⑤ Follow Your Arrow Hope has a crush, but she’s scared to tell her parents, especially Louis. Harry helps her figure out how to break the news to her other dad, who is ultimately nothing but wonderful. ⑥ Summer Love The Tomlinsons are off on a summer holiday before it’s time for everything to change...

Night Changes | colourexplosion | soulmates - supernatural elements - werewolves - light angst - 40k Louis and Harry are soulmates. (With a twist.)

From The Heart | jacaranda_bloom | coffee shop AU - 25k Every Tuesday, Louis spends his day off holed up in his favorite coffee-come-bookshop, writing his little stories as part of the WordPlay challenge while daydreaming about the resident barista, Harry. Each week a new word prompt is revealed and Louis adds to his series of short stories about Henry, the owner of a B&B in the Cotswolds who has curly hair and dimples, Lewis, his long term guest who just happens to be a writer, and Tigger, Henry’s cat. As Louis and Harry’s friendship develops, could his fantasy world spill out into real life? And how does that reader who leaves the lovely comments with the teacup emoji seem to be able to read Louis’ mind? ① Henry and Lewis Louis hangs out in his local coffee shop to work on his weekly WordPlay Prompt, speaks to his beloved muse aka Harry the gorgeous barista, embarrasses himself in front of said muse, and receives a comment on AO3 from his favourite reader. ② Smuturday Louis struggles with this week's WordPlay prompt before finding inspiration, and a date, in an unexpected place, and could there be more going on with his favourite reader than he originally thought. ③ Tea For Two Louis grapples with what to do about his new found suspicions over his favourite readers real-life identity. ④ Life Imitating Art Louis is taken on a very real journey through his fic back catalogue - life has never imitated art so salaciously. ⑤ Entertain Me All good things must come to an end, including the WordPlay challenge. But while Louis has mixed emotions about its end, and struggling to make sense of the final prompt, he is relishing every aspect of his newly revitalised personal life.

#28th appreciation #1d fanworks appreciation #monthly reads #fic rec #my reads #my fic rec #larry fics

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spaceorphan18 · 5 years

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Glee - The Exit Quiz

Okay, I’m gonna rapid fire answer these, cause why not. I really recommend you guys do the same! (also - thanks @honeysucklepink - for sending in an ask <3)

1. favorite character?

Kurt Hummel - love him so hard (but obviously, y’all know I love Blaine and many others, too)

2. favorite teacher?

Probably Beiste or Emma

3. favorite couple?

Klaine - be shocked.

4. least favorite character?

Believe it or not, Ken Tanaka - I just cannot so hard

5. least favorite teacher?

Oh Will - he’s a disgrace to the profession.

6. least favorite couple?

I don’t know? Long term - Probably anything related to the Jarley/Ryder triangle - because it bored me to tears. Short term - Puck/Shelby - don’t get me started.

7. favorite duet?

Off the top of my head - Happy Days/Get Happy, it hits the warm place of my heart

8. favorite bromance?

Sam and Blaine, kinda by default. I wasn’t huge about the male friendships on the show.

9. favorite episode?

Oh c’mon, y’all know it’s New New York

10. favorite season?

This is actually hard - I think season 2 has my favorite bits, but season 5 is my favorite overall?

11. least favorite season?

Season 3 - continued to be shocked

12. favorite favorite episode?

Um, did we not just go over this?

13. favorite cast member?

Oh Chris, you know it’s Chris

14. funniest character?

Jane Lynch *lol

15. which character's clothes would you like?

EEsh, hard pass on most of them.

16. favorite competition episode?

Original Song - almost by default, I really can’t stand most of the competition episodes.

17. what episode can you watch over and over again?

Most of them, and I have ;) I like Love, Love, Love might be the most rewatchable though.

18. what character do you find the best looking?

I had to think... is it Kurt? Yeah, no, it’s definitely Kurt...

19. why did you start watching glee?

Okay, so I’ll tell this whole story...

So, ten years ago, I got a new job, and moved to a new city, and met a (seemingly) nice guy - with whom I went out with a few times and (unfortunately) it didn’t work out because I got dumped cause he wasn’t that great and still seeing his ex. Fun, right? Anyway - a friend of mine was like - I’m sorry you’re sad - watch this show! You like musicals and are okay with gay, you’ll like it!

So - she gave me the season 1 (part 1) dvd and I was like - yeah, that’s fun, but nothing about it grabbed me. Except DSB - that gave me chills. But then she insisted we watch it together every time it was on, and so we did... through, eh, half way through season 2?

And I was, like, nope, this show is just the worst - it’s mean spirited and mean and I am not really enjoying it. So I stopped. For about a year.

So a year-ish later, I got let go from a second job (that was fine - it was super shady and people got arrested, don’t do random online jobs guys) and had some free time, so decided to catch up on Glee and **gasp** watched The First Time and absolutely fell in love with Klaine. And then I rewatched the whole series and really appreciated it more the second time around.

And years later, I’m now sitting here with you people. Lol <3

20. how long have you watched glee?

March 2010

21. what scene or episode made you fall in love with the show?

The Auditorium scene from The First Time. It took my breath away, which hadn’t happened since I started watching The Office.

22. if you could wake up and be one of the characters for a day, who would you like to be?

Elliott Gilbert - he seems to have his life together.

23. what character would you most like to meet?

Cooper Anderson - I mean who wouldn’t?

24. favorite newbie character?

Unique in the original newbies, Jane of the second group

25. who would you be most want to be friends with?

Elliott Gilbert - he’d get my life together

26. if you could have a one night stand with any character, who would you choose?

Cooper. I mean there are some things in life you’d just have to go for. I’d imagine Santana would give you a pretty good time for a one night thing, too, though.

27. favorite fan fiction?

Probably, Misqueue’s Scenes from a Breakup. She really taught me the power of good fanfic.

28. favorite headcanon?

Hmm, this is so morbid, but the strongest one that comes to mind is that they both live to old age, but Blaine is the one who dies first, and Kurt’s kind of unbarable to be around afterwards, and I once wrote a tiny thing about this - how Kurt would get into fits and be nearly intolerable, but the seasoned nurses ask him to talk about Blaine, and it calms him down.

29. favorite person that has guest starred on glee?

Hmmm, based on their characters - Matt Bomer, Adam Lambert, or Sarah Jessica Parker. Oh and Katey Segal. I’m so sad that they didn’t bring her back.

30. favorite minor character?

I have a deep appreciate for Stoner Brett. Also Lord Tubbington

31. what character annoys you the most?

Ken Tanaka, uapoweifjodsifjeaw;oifh yuk. Also up there is Sandy Ryerson and JBI.

32. what surprised you the most?

I’m not sure what you mean?? Mostly that I’ve grown used to the idea of Blaine and Karofsky enough that I don’t hate it and I get why it was a thing.

33. which character resembles you the most?

Thought processing wise - Kurt. Though emotionally, maybe a bit of Blaine and Mercedes.

34. which character are you most connected to?

Kurt

35. 5 favorite quotes?

oh - god, i’m bad at remembering things off the top of my head --

My favorite one is: “let me autocorrect that for you. Lima doesn’t have a zoo, why’d we think it did?” the delivery on that is the best.

also the one where Jane Lynch goes on about giving Will a cat and punching him in the face.

And the Kurt line about answering the phone saying ‘she’s dead’.

36. an unpopular opinion you have about this show?

Oh, I have so many... mostly, season 2 isn’t as good as people claim it is, and season 6 is much better than people claim it is.

37. plot point you would've wanted to change, and how would you change it?

The biggest one for me is adding in a catalyst to Kurt’s story to head back to Blaine. Not so much change, but add to the already existing story.

I’d also get rid of the whole Shelby/Puck thing all together. Did not need to be a thing.

(Where are questions 38-39??)

40. what will you miss the most?

The week to week-ness of having discussions with people.

41. top 10 favorite songs each season?

Wow - this is a big question, time to get the iphone out...

Season 1:

Don’t Stop Believin’ (Pilot version)

Defying Gravity (Kurt version)

My Life Would Suck Without You

Run Joey Run (for comedic reasons)

Rose’s Turn

I Dreamed a Dream

Bad Romance

Bohemian Rhapsody

Don’t Stop Believin’ (Journey version)

Over the Rainbow

Season 2:

I Want to Hold Your Hand

Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy

Teenage Dream

Forget You (Don’t ask - I love it)

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Misery

Blackbird

Raise Your Glass

Loser Like Me

As If We Never Said Goodbye

Season 3:

Something’s Coming

Last Friday Night

Hit Me With Your Best Shot/One Way or Another

Perfect

We Are Young

I Will Always Love You

Love Shack

How Will I Know

I Have Nothing

Not the Boy Next Door

Season 4:

Call Me Maybe

It’s Time

Teenage Dream (Acoustic)

The Scientist

Dark Side

Being Alive

This is the New Year

Just Can’t Get Enough

Come What May

Mamma Mia

Season 5:

All You Need is Love

Make You Feel My Love

Hold On

Defying Gravity

Loser Like Me

Don’t Stop Believin’

Rockstar

Pumpin’ Blood

All of Me

Pompeii

Season 6:

Home

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow/Head Over Feet

Somebody Loves You

At Last

Listen To Your Heart

Popular

Some Day We’ll Be Together

Daydream Believer

This Time

I Lived

42. favorite new directions group cover?

I mean, Don’t Stop Believin’ is the ultimate classic - but I have a strong appreciation for Hold On.

43. favorite warbler cover?

Oh, god, Teenage Dream probably? But then Raise Your Glass

44. favorite vocal adrenaline cover?

Bohemian Rhapsody - nothing else really comes close.

46. favorite celebrity judge?

The Nun who used to be a stripper.

47. someone you would've liked to see guest star on the show.

Julie Andrews as Kurt’s grandmother.

48. favorite tribute episode?

The Beatles and Whitney Houston

49. what episode made you cry the most?

The Break Up - partly cause of the music, and partly because of the circumstances of fandom around that time :P

50 what episode made you laugh the most?

This show was a comedy? (I’ll have to think about it and get back to you)

#that was fun - your turn!

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go-diane-winchester · 6 years

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Dear Misha Collins

I don't think you know how to handle your career. There are mistakes that you are making to your own detriment. I am doing the decent thing here by pointing them out to you. When you are an actor, you are the salesman and the product. These two elements are a benefit to an actor when he manages these two things cleverly, which you have not done. These two elements are symbiotic. You need them both. And the dominant element is the salesman. If the product is good, but the salesman sucks, the product is not appreciated.

Take Sam and Dean Winchester as a good example. Sam is a flawed hero. He is also, to an extent in the earlier seasons, something of an anti-hero although not a full blown villain. Dean wasn't as flawed and his swashbuckling gung-ho nature was easier to enjoy than Sam's pensiveness. Those who didn't know much about the BTS of the show in the early season, latched on to the lead characters. At that time they didn't know the actors. For many of them, Sam appeared kind of self-righteous and grumpy. Yes, he was handsome, but so was Dean who are the more funnier, showier character, so it was easy to latch onto him. Dean also bonds with other characters faster than Sam does.

When the first cons were held, people were enthusiastic about meeting the actors who play Sam and Dean expecting the actors to be exactly like their characters. When they realized that Jared is absolutely nothing like his character and was, by nature, quite a loveable and happy young man, they loved him back enthusiastically. But they encountered Jensen's reserved nature, some thought he was shy whilst others thought he was a snob. Because Jared was such an awesome salesman, his product [Sam] became more palatable to the audience. Jensen realized that as a salesman, he had a little work to do. Being construed as shy is not bad, but being seen as a snob is definitely not a good look. So he started trying to change his public image, despite his reserved nature.

So you have to examine your audience and make necessary changes to your salesman pitch, so as to not put off your target market. Then people started to see meaningfulness in the friendship that J2 share. Some liked the chemistry their character's shared. The actors acknowledged that these ideas existed but didn't shoot them down. Jensen said that he understood it was a ''hot fantasy'', which is very accurate. They just requested that fans not ask them questions on the subject, which makes sense, because why would you want my opinion on your fantasy. That is ridiculous. These two groups, Tinhat fans and wincest fans, have been around for 13 years, without making a peep. You don't hear about them, unless you go looking for them. And unlike a few nasty people on Twitter, the majority has since the beginning, respected J2.

Part of the credit for this goes to the actors themselves. They didn't overindulge this subsection, because that would be an idiotic sales pitch. I don't think you understand why. Why is it that Sam and Dean's popularity hasn't waned? They have shouldered the burden of a show that is now in its fourteenth season. They are getting more popular and mass media has an eye on them, which is why they are invited on talk shows, sporadically. You were invited on Larry King, but it was not because of your work on the show, it was for your charity project. And your charity project is not your livelihood. Your acting job is, and it isn't looking very good. You weren't even a series regular last year, and most people didn't seem to mind.

Here is where your sales pitch is going wrong.

You fragment the total viewing population of the show

You do this by your con etiquette. The fans who buy tickets to watch your panel are a heterogeneous group of people. The problem with having this type of audience, is that you have to curb your language around them, because children attend cons too. You use vulgar language. You also speak about sexually explicit things like shipping. The parents and older siblings sitting in the audience might be offended, and that never occurred to you. That is very baffling. The parents who are not offended stay on and those who are, won't watch a Misha panel again with their kids. Fragmentation. You have broken your total con audience in two.

When people ask you about shipping, you don't politely acknowledge it and move on. You ''lay it on thick'' as they say. There is a lot that is wrong with that.

Any straight male fan who genuinely admires your character is not likely going to sit through something he doesn't care about. Especially since you become very explicit. He will feel kind of grossed out, as he should, not because he's homophobic but because this is not his jam. By overdoing the shipping thing, you have forced a decision out of this fan as to whether he wants to pay good money to sit through this nonsense again. The next time he attends con, he is going to spend his money elsewhere. That also goes for straight female fans who don't like shipping. Because not all women like slash. And they will try not to attend you panel again because it didn't entertain them. Second fragmentation.

There are other ships in the fandom. That is the natural progression of things went one ship appears on a show or movie. That initial pairing pulls all the other characters in. So almost everyone of the well known actors on Supernatural have been slashed with another actor. All except Tahmoh Penikett and Alexander Calvert, to the best of my knowledge. I am not sure why Tahmoh is ignored but it might have something to do with his character killing Kevin. I think Alex is not slashed because every other man is a father figure on the show, and Alex plays a baby. You tend to indulge mostly the destiel fanbase, and destiel is discussed in almost all your panels. What is wrong with that? You isolate people who don't like destiel for whatever reason. If they don't like a pairing, they are not going to sit through a panel where that pairing is sporadically discussed. That is not what they paid for. In a convention, where audience members have been asked not to ask shipping questions, and every other guest honors the rule except you, it makes you look unprofessional and a rule breaker. That is not a good look for a salesman. Third fragmentation.

So what if you speak about destiel? You have fans. They love you. How is that detrimental to your popularity? I will explain that further down.

You bite the hand that feeds you

If you have been employed on a show for ten years, you cant badmouth that show. Especially when you are incorrect. In 2013, you said that the show was 'gratuitously misogynistic', during one of your panels. Since then, the show has been bringing in unnecessary female characters. This is aggravating for fans who were watching the show since before you got casted. They didn't like most of the female characters, and yes the non-approving fans were all female. Ratings were still good and the show was popular. There were female characters whom the fans had no problem with, for example, Missouri Mosley, Ellen Harvelle, Pamela Barnes and to a certain extent even Ava.

Ever since your statement, CW and associated twitter pages blew up with accusation from ''concerned fans'' who were now asking for ''representation'' on a show that was already nine years old, despite managing to be misogynistic. So now, we have characters are extremely unpopular like Claire Novak, Jody Mills, Donna Whatshername and even Mary Winchester. The spinoff for these inadequate females bombed due to lack of ratings. The show invested time, resources, money and effort into a spin-off that failed, because you said something stupid that made them look bad. The day they figure it out, you will leave the show with a reputation of being problematic. And word travels in Hollywood.

You overestimate your knowledge

You tend to speak up for a lot of different people. Usually I would admire that, because it is a sign of inclusiveness - not a bad trait to have. You, however, are very heavy handed with it. And you speak about subjects like you know them. You have an inadequate knowledge of slash fiction and yet you speak about it and you speak wrong. I have already done an article on that subject. You speak about feminism and misogyny and women's rights which makes me livid, because as I previously pointed out, you say the wrong things. And as a women, I would prefer to speak up for myself. I don't need a voice box speaking incorrectly for me.

You also speak about LGBT issues. LGBT teens who make up a small part of your already small fanbase, like that. After all, they are kids and they don't know any better. Grown ups, are generally, getting irritated. Because if you wanted these people to have rights, you will let them speak instead of speaking for them. Right now, only you and your destiel fans have a voice on the subject of LGBT, and collectively, you do a lot of damage to that community. Non-destiel fans are constantly fighting off destiel fans because of their ''deep'', stereotypical and damaging analysis of Dean's sexuality. They are becoming dissatisfied, but because you are not a mainstream actor and a household name, you fly just under the radar. The day GLAAD releases an official statement about you and your fans, you are not going to like it. Neither is CW.

You don't control your termites

In the past year and a half, your destiel fans have:

verbally bashed Jensen Ackles on Twitter

sent him a death threat

threatened to burn down his house

threatened to poison his beer so his brewery will shut down

smeared J2's reputation over a harmless joke they made at Nolacon [yep, those were your fans - their profile pictures and names gave them away]

were planning to hire a plane so that they could fly the words ''Pedowitz sucks'' outside Mark Pedowitz's office

threatened to kidnap Jared's children

slandered Jared by saying that Jared abuses his wife, whilst pretending to be her number one fan on Instagram

They only have one motivation for doing this: YOU.

And its not because they love you so much. Its because you overindulged something that was essentially a harmless pastime, you have turned them into junkies and you are their only dealer. The day you switch off their juice with finality, you will see a very ugly side of these termites, who are eating away at the foundations of Supernatural.

Because you over spoke about destiel, these troublemakers are now the majority of your fans. Outside of destiel, they have no interest in you. The Misha-led con recently didn't do very well, did it? Due to fragmentation you have lost many fans, and mishandling of your product caused you to use all the others. How many fans do you have left? Less that 80 000. That is my estimation. Those are the majority of the fans who petitioned for Wayward Daughters. The standard audience didn't give a hoot about that stupid project. Why did the shippers care so much? Because Wayward Daughters was a fan-backed project. The fans made it happen. They assumed that if they could succeed in that, then maybe they could make destiel canon too. For them, destiel is endgame.

Supernatural as a total audience of 3 million. Less that 80 000, is not an impressive number. Unfortunately 80 000 are still inaccurate, because this was not a ''landlocked'' survey. It was done via the Internet, which means that fans from all over the world could vote. So they don't fall under the category of the 3 million viewers who tune into Supernatural in America, every week. You fans are not Supernatural's core audience. You did that to yourself. These fans are also mostly teens. That is why they are so loud compared to other fan subsections. They have no mortgages to pay. They don't have to face rush hour traffic and they can fixate on destiel without much interruption. And since they are kids, they understand social media better than you and I. So they know how to use their resources.

I want to point out though, that not all destiel fans are problematic. Some are civil and level headed. I feel sorry for them because their reputation is tarnished due to the majority. And an ok ship, that they enjoy, is ruined.

The only thing that is your saving grace, for many fragmented fans is your anti-Trump stance. I hate him too, but I also hate Hillary. She is no better than him. However, even that is baffling because if you are brave enough to tweet and irritate Trump, who is unfortunately your President, why don't you have the courage to deal with your fans, in defense of your co-stars and the show that has employed you for ten years. Especially when these fans are mostly children. So you are not afraid of President Trump, but little girls scare you? Because my vantage point, I can see that this doesn't make you look good.

You used to be one of my favorites amongst the additional cast, until I got fragmented out of your circle. I even liked destiel, until it turned into a vile beast. You are now one person, that I cant write a slash story for. Because you have made it difficult for me to like you.

I thank you for your time, Mr Collins, and I hope some of what I said, gets through to you.

Sincerely

An ex-Misha Fan

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ilovemybarricadebabies · 6 years

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My incredibly personal story of how I fell in love with Les Mis, and by extension, Enjoltaire.

I was first introduced to Les Mis through singing “Castle on a Cloud” when I was an 8th grader in my junior/high school choir. At this time, the film of the musical had just been released. After hearing my choir director talk about it, I had an interest in seeing it in the movie theatre, but was never able too. However, that summer, on either July 12th or 13th, 2013 (I only remember the date because I distinctly remember watching it, and then learning about Cory Monteith’s death (despite never watching Glee), my mother came home with the DVD of the film, and we watched it. At first, I didn’t really understand what was going on, but I ended up falling in love with “Do You Hear The People Sing?” and I listened to that song on repeat for days following. Apart from “Castle on a Cloud”, “DYHTPS?” was the first song that I truly knew from the musical.

Then, my freshmen year of high school, we sang “Bring Him Home” at our Fall Festival concert, and then, in the weeks following leading up to Christmas/holiday break, we watched the film in choir class. But that still wasn’t what made me fall in love. I enjoyed the music, but at this point, I wasn’t big on musical theatre. But that all changed that holiday break.

When holiday break came around, I sat down with my laptop, and pulled up The Phantom of the Opera from my iTunes account (now, I know this my LM story, but we need to go through my POTO phase first), and I absolutely fell in love with POTO. It was like a switch flipped and my whole world had came into focus. POTO was my segue into the world of musical theatre. Everything revolved around POTO for weeks. As I went through my POTO phase, I introduced myself to more musicals. I started first with the more mainstream (POTO, Wicked, Les Mis, and so many more that are considered mainstream) and then, I found the musicals that weren’t as popular. And I went through a time were I felt that my love for theatre needed to remain a secret because there was another girl in my school who was obsessed with musical theatre and I felt somewhat intimidated by her, so I kept it secret from everyone except my family. There wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t checking the Playbill website or reading about musicals on Google. I followed all the musical accounts on social media that I could. During this time, I had listened to the entirety of Les Mis and I had also understood the story better thanks to Google. Les Mis quickly became my second favorite musical, but nothing was going to take POTO from this spot.

But as I entered my sophomore year, my POTO phase had pretty much ended, and my Once Upon a Time phase began, but that only lasted for about six months. I was still obsessed with musicals, but my main focus was know OUaT. Then, I was in between phases for a while. Finally, that spring, after begging my parents for months and months, they gifted me with a trip to New York City in May 2015 (my second time going to that city, my first was in June 2013 with my mother on a mother/daughter bonding trip, where we saw the musical, and my first Broadway musical, Once), and I was able to see POTO on Broadway.

However, nearing the end of my sophomore year, my entire world turned upside down when my parent’s divorced and everything that I knew had changed.

But then, on Saturday, June 6th, 2015, I found my way to FanFiction.net (I had been reading Wicked fanfiction, but I was getting tired of it), and I found my way into the Les Mis category on FFN.net, and I found my way to reading Enjoltaire fanfiction. Granted, I soon learned that most of the fanfiction on there was Enjolras/Éponine, and that wasn’t at all what I wanted.

Now, when I first watched Les Mis way back in June 2013, I didn’t really care for the characters, yet. I watched it for the entertainment reasons. However, once I entered the world of musical theatre, and I watched Les Mis again (this time it was the 25th anniversary concert), my eye caught on to the dynamic that Enjolras and Grantaire had and what Hadley Fraser and Ramin Karimloo did with said dynamic in the 25th anniversary. That was when I started shipping it, and it became my Les Mis OTP.

After making my way through the Enjoltaire category on FFN.net, I made my way over to Ao3, and that was where the rabbit hole began. Every spare moment of my time was spent either reading Enjoltaire fanfiction on Ao3 or in the Enjoltaire tag on Tumblr. If my phone was in my hand and my eyes were to my phone chances it was Enjoltaire fanfiction that I was reading. I went to the lake with my mom’s side of the family at the end of June 2015, and while I did chat with my family, most of the time my phone was in my hand while I continued to read Enjoltaire fanfiction. I had also shown my cousin the 25th, someone who had never seen it, and even she started to low key ship it. Also, at this time, I had watched the movie more times than I could count, and I had also gone down the rabbit hole that is loving Aaron Kyle Tveit. I had learned everything that I could and I had watched everything that I could get my hands on that had him in it. I also discovered that while the dynamic that Hadley and Ramin had in the 25th was nothing compared to what the movie portrayed, or I should say what George Blagden portrayed, in the movie. My Tumblr account was covered in all things Enjoltaire, it was wonderful. My life revolved around Enjoltaire. I started writing and gaining many, many, many ideas for Enjoltaire fanfiction (I have 8 stories on Ao3. One in the process of being published, seven are complete and available for reading). I loved both Enjolras and Grantaire, separately (Enjolras I loved just a little bit more because he was my favorite character, still is and will always be my favorite character of the musical and of all-time, but nevertheless I loved them both) and I loved them as a couple. They were, and still are, my babies and OTP of OTP’s. They are the couple that I have stayed with the longest. When I’ve entered my fandom phases in the past, I usually lasted with the couple that I shipped for about six months. I still loved them after that, but not to the extent of what I had. My love for Enjoltaire has stayed for over four years and is still going strong. These two will probably stay with me forever.

Now, by this point, I still hadn’t seen it live. It had been revived on Broadway in March 2014, with Ramin as Valjean. At this point, the show in London didn’t hold any of my attention because I had had no hope of ever seeing it there. I did my best to keep up to date with it, but I failed miserably at that. Most of what I knew about the London production came from Tumblr or Google. I did follow the London actors and the Les Mis London account on Twitter. I was also aware that it was the original production in London, but like I said, I had no hope whatsoever that I would be able to see it there. I would have loved to see it, but living in the U.S., I doubted that I would ever see it. The only version that I wanted to see and could afford to see at the time was the one on Broadway, and I wanted to see that version BECAUSE of the fact that Ramin was Valjean, and I had already loved and adored him because of POTO and the 25th anniversary. I followed this production as much as I could. I was rooting for it during the 2014 Tony Awards and was absolutely pissed when it didn’t win. I had had the opportunity to see Ramin as Valjean at the same time that I saw POTO in May 2015, but instead, I decided that the other show that we would see during that NYC trip would be Wicked because Matt Shingledecker (the Fiyero (who is my favorite Fiyero) at the time was someone that had caught my attention through Kara Lindsay’s Broadway.com Wicked vlog, “Think Pink”) and I just wanted and was desperate to see and meet him, so I chose Wicked, a decision to this day that I still don’t regret. And overall, to me, I didn’t care that it wasn’t the original version, to me it was a story that I loved and adored.

Now, we are getting into the personal part of the story. My junior year of high school, my parent’s divorce had grown to the point where I think the best word to describe it would be bitter. My dad was butting in to my mom’s business, and my mom wanted nothing to do with my dad unless it had to do with me and my two siblings or my two nephews. My dad would drag me into the middle of all of it because I was the only one of my siblings still at home. My parent’s divorce was a mess. Some of my teachers knew about the divorce, but they didn’t know that I felt like I was drowning. I had kept up with my schoolwork and still had good grades, but I didn’t talk about the divorce because I didn’t want to drag people in to something that they had no reason to be part of. I was clearly in pain and I felt so alone, but I was good at hiding it, that no one knew. The one thing that I clutched to, the thing that was my absolute fucking lifeline was Les Mis/Enjoltaire.

Whenever I needed it, Les Mis was the thing that was there for me. To be honest, it felt like it was the only thing that was there for me. The story, the music, and of course, boatloads of Enjoltaire fanfiction. The only thing that got me through the day was repeating the line: “Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise”, every minute of every day. If I was having a bad day or cheering up, the only thing that would pull me out of it was either Les Mis or Enjoltaire.

It was because of this that Les Mis became my absolutely favorite musical of all-time because it was the reason that I was still living. The story and music gave me hope and it was because of those two things that I knew that everything was going to be okay.

All while I was feeling like I was drowning, it was announced on December 2nd, 2015, that the Broadway revival was closing (by this time, Ramin bad left the production, Alfie Boe was Valjean, and John-Owen Jones has been announced as the replacement for Alfie once he left and would continue with the production until it closed) on September 4th, 2016. After this was announced, I told my father that he had nine months to take me to see the show, and he did because on May 14, 2016 at the Imperial Theatre, I was witnessing for the first time ever the story and hearing the music that I loved so much live. I was absolutely in awe of what I was seeing. To me, it didn’t matter that it wasn’t the original production, all that mattered was that I was seeing the story and the characters that I loved so much play out 100 feet in front of me. I was sobbing and my breath was taken away. My eyes didn’t leave the stage, once. I loved and adored every moment of it. On the day, the revival closed, I was working, and I was taking my lunch break when they live streamed the curtain call for the final performance on Facebook. I was sobbing as I watched it.

Then, I started my senior year of high school, and unlike my junior year, it was so much better. My junior year was my worst year of high school. Part of what helped me make it through my senior year was that my sister (who hadn’t been talking to my family for over 12 years) came back to the family. I now had someone to talk to about what had happened, and it made me feel so much better.

Now for the last year or so, I knew that my father had been planning to gift me with a trip to anywhere in Europe that I wanted to go for my graduation present. It was originally that I wanted to go to Italy, but then I changed my mind and decided on Paris and London. I chose Paris mostly because it’s one of my favorite cities in the world and it’s the settling of my favorite time period in Les Mis. Then, I chose London because I had always wanted to go there too, plus like Paris and NYC, it’s one of my favorite cities in the world. While we were planning the trip, my dad asked me what shows I wanted to see. The only shows that I knew for sure were Les Mis, POTO, and Wicked. Now, like I said earlier, I knew that Les Mis was the original production, but while that was part of the reason why I wanted to see it. The other reason, the much, much, much bigger reason, was because I knew that I would be once again witnessing the story and characters that I loved so much come alive 100 feet in front of me. And I got those three shows, as well as seven more, on the trip itinerary.

On June 5th, 2017 at the Queen’s Theatre, I was able to witness, my favorite show and characters that meant so much come alive, once again, 100 feet in front of me. While I was amazed with the revolving stage and how the original production was put together, it wasn’t what made the story special for me. Like the Broadway revival and every version of the story that I have listened to/watched, I was sobbing by the end and my breath was taken away. At the end of it, I didn’t care that what I was seeing was the the original production. All that mattered to me was that it just my favorite musical. On the plane ride home from London, I needed to experience it again, that I watched the movie on my iPad through Amazon Prime. Like with Broadway, I had been in a Les Mis slump, that all I wanted was too watch/listen to anything regarding my favorite show.

As the next year went on, I started college and I had to deal with people asking me why such a mainstream musical was my favorite, I didn’t know what to say. They had no business in knowing why it meant so much to me. Before I started college, the announcement of the U.S. tour cast was announced, and while I had already been hoping to see it if it came anywhere near me, once I discovered that Matt Shingledecker would be playing Enjolras, I was more determined than ever to see the tour.

When it was announced that the tour would be coming at the Orpheum Theatre in December 2018 in Minnesota which was the closest that it’s come to me, it took quite a lot of convincing from me for my father to get me tickets to see it for my birthday in December. He was reluctant because I had already seen it twice already, but all I needed to say was that it was my favorite musical and he got me the tickets.

And on December 29th, 2018, I saw my favorite musical for the third time, and once again, not caring what production it was, I was seeing my favorite characters and story come alive in front of me. I was sobbing and breath was taken away. After the curtain call and the lights came up, I cried for like another five minutes. And once again was in a Les Mis slump for days afterward.

Now, not to bring up a bad subject, but with the change that is occurring in London, while I am heartbroken over it, I also don’t really care. The staging of the show doesn’t hold any sentimental value for me, not like I know it does for some people. What part of Les Mis that holds the sentimental value for me is the story, the characters, the music, and of course, Enjoltaire. Without the story, without Enjoltaire, I wouldn’t be on this Earth anymore. This story had already meant so much to me that when I saw it live, it was just the cherry on top of a beautiful, wonderful, delicious ice cream sundae. I have/will watch/listen to the musical no matter what staging it’s given, or even lack of.

Now, while I am slowly, like snail’s pace slow, making my way through the book. I am determined to finish it one day. All of my knowledge that I know from the book is from the people that I follow on Tumblr, who have read it. While I’m slowly making my way through the book, I have read other passages in it, and from just those I know that I will love the book, and it will give me even more reason to love it more than I already do.

This musical has meant to so much to me that when I finally get the money for my first tattoo, it will be “Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise” on my upper arm between my shoulder and elbow, written in the logo’s font. That quote is my favorite in the musical and it’s the quote that has meant the most to me. It was my mantra my junior year. And after that tattoo, I want to get another Les Mis related one, but I want that one centered on Enjoltaire, but I’m not sure. Either way, I know that I will get the first one for sure.

And I think that pretty much covers why this musical means so much to me. And this story is obviously incredibly personal, just like I’m sure everyone else’s story regarding this musical is. But this one is unique to me because it’s my story.

#les mis was my crutch during one of the hardest times in my life #les mis #enjoltaire #personal post #personal #my story that i’ve never shared with anyone before

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lizzybeth1986 · 6 years

Text

Quick Thoughts on DD Book 1 Chapter 5

• Content Warning: There are references to slut shaming while speaking about opera singers, and I speak about executions in the Hamid scene (I've not added grisly details or anything, but to me what I have included does sound a little macabre). I don't know if those warrant a warning, but I'd like to err on the side of caution and ensure that anyone comfortable with that knows this before they make the decision to proceed.

• Okay on with the QT!

• Why hello there, fancy hot looking Ottoman prince dude.

• Looks like not one but both of my MCs will be living the thot life.

• Apologies for the huge delay guys. There was a LOT to unpack this chapter, and it took me a while to actually explore, confirm my research and get a clear idea overall of how I wanted to approach this one. I'm hoping once TRR ends I can get these babies out earlier.

• You know what I realised? The Lady Grandma LIKES a sassy bitch. There are several times this chapter she's actually been more approving of my headstrong Marianne than she has been of my more mild-mannered Florence. See all of this:

She's mostly approving of this, however, when Henrietta is the recipient of this behaviour, but there are also points where she appreciates the MC's candor (if she chooses to show it) such as if the MC refers to the art of the fan as "ridiculous". If there is one thing that consistently gets on Dominique's nerves, it is occasions where the MC might speak of herself and her former background negatively, mostly out of annoyance because it shows she hasn't comfortably settled into her role yet, and Dominique needs the MC to do so if Edgewater is to stay within in the family and bloodline.

• Also I love the subtle streak of independence we get to see in Annabelle. She is someone who is doing what is expected of her, someone who tries to make the best of her circumstances the only way she knows how, but she is also refreshingly open about how stressful it is for her to go down this path, even in her free scenes. She is also playful and mischievous and doesn't take herself too seriously, which makes a lot of her scenes a joy to do.

• I also really really liked the option where you tell her she's the one you want to marry, and her reaction is both a disbelief that such a dream could come true alongside a receptiveness to the idea. It's soft and sweet and beautiful.

• So we start out with a crash course on the nobility we'll meet in London (Alfred Halloway, whose daughter Felicity is debuting this season, and the Barrymore family, who are related to the Halloways by marriage). Only this time, Annabelle wants to be a snarky little boss and fill the MC in on all the juicy gossip that Lady Grandmother won't give her.

• Lady Grandmother: Alfred Holloway is the viscount of Lochdale. His daughter, Felicity, will be coming from her estate at Bellington Hall to make her debut this season.

Miss Parsons: Alfred Holloway is an arrogant prig who looks like an Easter ham studded with cloves.

(For the record, this is what a clove-studded Easter ham seems to look like:

Holy shit Annabelle you savage af)

Lady Grandmother: Miss Holloway's family is also tied by marriage to the Earl of Barrymore...

Miss Parsons: Oh, avoid the Earl of Barrymore. His bed has more traffic than Drury Lane!

Annabelle here must be referring to the crowd that tends to flock around the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, which was popular as a source of entertainment for its plays and had a seating capacity of 3000 people.

• The free scene with Annabelle is important because it eases us gently into the main themes of her scene later on. The women get to speak about the whole concept of a "marriage market", and straight off the bat Annabelle lets us know how uncomfortable she is with having to go through a wedding to another man.

• She also speaks about what else - besides the fact that Harry was her closest friend - about his death affected her. Having been promised to Harry, Annabelle didn't have to go through the rigamarole of finding a husband. She had learned to settle with the idea of being married to someone who she knew and liked at least, if not loved. It's sad to us modern readers now that Annabelle would have to settle for less than passion or love, but back then I don't think she could have imagined a better deal. And now...and now she will have to settle for even less than what she had with Harry. This was a pretty neat way of easing us into the larger conversation she has with us in her diamond scene.

• A few days pass, and Briar is now helping us get ready for the trip to London. You have the option of encouraging her romance with Mr Woods, which...cmon. They cute 😊

•

Ooh so our House Colours are navy blue and gold! (considering that the Earl's default outfit itself is navy blue, I should have figured that would be a house colour). It's nice but MY NECK WHERE IS MY NECK.

Did You Know: that up until the middle of the 19th century, men's and women's riding habits were largely made by men in a distinctively masculine style. This is what Candice Hern's article "Regency Habits, Overview" on her website Regency World, says:

"Though the style and cut of riding habits changed with time and fashion, they continued to be tailored in a masculine style throughout the 17th and 18th centuries and into the early 19th century. In La Belle Assemblée in 1815, we read that: “Habits have, ever since they were first brought into fashion, been considered as decidedly calculated to give even the most delicate female a masculine appearance, and the wits of our grandmothers’ days were unmercifully severe on the waistcoat, cravat, and man’s hat which were then the indispensible appendages to a habit.”"

•

YOU'RE NOT COMING WTF DAD NO.

• WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'LL DO TO YOU WHILE I'M GONE.

• I'm having a sinking feeling about leaving my old dad around in this house while Henrietta is still there, Grandma had better be his bodyguard (or maybe not. Cordonians seem to have weird ideas of what constitutes a successful bodyguard *COUGHCOUGH Mara and Bastien COUGHCOUGH*).

• Like most of the fandom I have a feeling the Earl will die sooner than we think. @i-dream-so-i-write once mentioned that it could well be towards the end of the book, and I think that's a fitting dramatic turn this book would take into the next. I'm going to miss the hell outta this guy though 😟

• Henrietta sent Mr Marlcaster and Miss Sutton ahead of time so they can screw things up for us, so we will need to butter them up like no tomorrow when we reach there, apparently.

• Hello Luke! It's been exactly one chapter!

• Kinda like the bonding the MC and Luke have with regards to the horse. Their first real conversation began with Clover, so it is fitting that their bonding continues over her at least for their initial interactions.

• Aww man, Henrietta wants Clover the horse to be sold and they give you a diamond option to keep her, name her and get extra scenes with her. Florence calls her Moonstone, Marianne calls her Pepper. Moonstone suits Florence's particular sense of whimsy, and I figured Marianne would want something short and snappy and it helped that Luke gave the horse some salt before the diamond option came up 😂

It's a fairly nice scene I guess, but it drives me batty because this book is already taking astronomical sums of money early on in the book, and people are already beginning to get frustrated. Even TRR, which is a pretty expensive book, took more than half the book before they pushed forward the option to buy the Derby horse. It just is beginning to feel like too much too soon at this point.

• Of all the free scenes this chapter, my favourite has to be the exchange among the four in the picnic en route London.

I found this particularly interesting because all of these people, so far, have been outside the rigors of the Season in some way or other. Briar is the most outside of this system of doing things: she has grown up completely out of it and will probably always struggle to understand the way things work within the gentry. Luke has spent years in that environment (that of the gentry) so he knows some of it, but he still is and will always be an outsider. Annabelle has grown up in this environment and is perhaps the closest to it, but has never had to take active part due to her association with Harry and the Edgewater Estate. And the MC straddles both these worlds. She is an heiress, part of this high society, but she was born in and more familiar with Briar's worldview. And I love how this scene captures all this in just a few bits of dialogue.

• Also Luke's sensible response to Annabelle's question and Briar being a teasing little imp is super cute, I will fight anyone who disagrees with me on this 😂😂😂

• So many gems nestled in Annabelle's scene guys I can't even. There's so much going on in this one. So much.

•

The main thing this scene does is to - without a doubt - establish Annabelle as a closeted lesbian. She's still at the stage where she's aware and finds it odd that she doesn't hold any affection for any man, that the idea itself of marriage frustrates her, and her growing confusion that she's now feeling for a woman all that she "should" be feeling for a man. There are points where she almost welcomes it, like the scene I mentioned earlier, but she still is clearly struggling.

The MC has three ways of responding to this - one where she misses the point completely and says "you haven't found the right man yet" (Marianne, unfortunately), another where she states that she "understands" (which is left open - either it is a gesture of support from an ally, or it is from someone who understands her dilemma to...well...some extent. Florence is the second. She is bi, so her "I understand" was basically "I've fallen for some men sure but I also have a hard time figuring out what my sexuality is"). My favourite is the response where the MC speaks of facing a similar dilemma in her life and is an excellent choice if your MC is also a lesbian. I couldn't use this one for Florence or Marianne because it didn't ring true for either of them, but I did see the screenshots on tumblr and it's quite poignant.

Did You Know: Lesbian/sapphic relationships and sex were not as much seen as illegal as invisible...and this was an attitude that a later monarch, Queen Victoria, would uphold as well, refusing to sign a legislation to criminalize it by insisting that "women do not do such things". Obviously as we all know, she couldn't be any more wrong. Today we know of famous lesbian women of the Regency as Anne Lister, owner of Shibden Hall, and the Ladies of Llangollen - two women from Ireland named Eleanor Butler and Sarah Ponsonby, who had a romantic relationship for over 50 years. Gail Eastwood, in an article titled "Queer in the Regency: a Slice of Once-Hidden LGBT History" says:

Defying their families, the two established an estate in Wales, called Plas Newydd, rather than enter into marriages with men they did not love. Though they incurred significant debt in order to have a staff, they survived on the generosity of friends until a fascinated Queen Charlotte convinced King George III to grant them a pension.

Plas Newydd became something of a haven for writers during the Regency era, especially since the couple living there could afford to keep it.

Part of me wonders if elements of this story may be found in the Annabelle x MC route. Or like Anne Lister, who was well-endowed enough financially that she could refrain from marriage and have relationships with women. Maybe, or - given the limitations of having to chart out a storyline that will suit every LI - maybe not. Whatever it is, I'd be very interested in finding out how they'll handle the MC's romance with Annabelle.

• The second most interesting thing is Annabelle speaking about her poetry, and the restrictions her father has kept on her talent. She mentions him looking down on women's poetry as being "all bad rhymes and flowery sentiment", and that - in keeping with the times - he prefers Romantic Age poets such as Wordsworth, and that famous influence on Romanticism, Shakespeare. If we choose to ask her about showing us her poetry, she tells us her writing is "of a...delicate nature" (get it, girl! 😀) and if we choose to encourage her instead, the MC makes references to Mary Wollstonecraft, whose ideas of gender equality were considered radical for the times, and who is seen as one of the earliest feminist icons.

Did You Know: that in a time when female education was mainly geared to prepare women for their domestic roles, Mary Wollstonecraft advocated for women to receive an education that would help them survive beyond the home and the marriage market, stating that the one real barrier in the way of gender equality was the disparity in the education women received compared to men. She says, "this homage to women’s attractions has distorted their understanding to such an extent that almost all the civilized women of the present century are anxious only to inspire love, when they ought to have the nobler aim of getting respect for their abilities and virtues".

Her daughter, Mary Shelley, would write the famous novel Frankenstein in 1818, two years following the events of Desire and Decorum.

• Within this scene also lies a little tidbit that will hold some importance in Chapter 7: the MC tells Annabelle that her mother used to sing in the opera:

So this could be the root of some of the snarky remarks Henrietta makes about the MC's mother. She has close pretty darn close to calling her a "prostitute" on more than one occasion, and her comment after the MC sang along with Annabelle in chapter 3 about how it was "no wonder" that the MC could sing, given her mother's profession.

Did You Know: Opera singers had a very different reputation in the Regency era, not all of it very positive. Shana Galen, who is described as a Regency adventure author, speaks about how opera singers were viewed at the time: Of course, it was perfectly acceptable for a young lady to show her talents on the pianoforte or to sing in front of a small group of family and friends, but performing on the stage at Drury Lane or Covent Garden were frowned upon.

Female performers, especially, were shunned by society. One example of this sort of attitude was seen in the ridicule faced by a singer named Dorothea Jordan, who had an long-running affair with a Duke, bore him ten children, and who was the subject of a "satirical cartoon that showed her in her bedroom, gazing adoringly at a duchess’ coronet, which she hopes someday to wear by marrying her lover. A map on the wall purports to show the route from “Strolling Lane” (i.e. prostitution) through “Old Drury Common” all the way to “Derbyshire Peak.” A genealogical chart of the nobility lies on her dressing table, and her bed-hangings are crowned by a Phrygian cap, symbol of the French Revolution. The latter is intended to ridicule her pretensions to nobility; as a common woman, let alone an actress, she should know her place" ("Glimpse at Opera during Jane Austen's Lifetime" by Maggi Andersen, for the blog Historical Hearts).

• Luke's scene on the other hand is lighter in content but is important if you look at it from the viewpoint of establishing his role in the MC's life before they reach London. As a neutral friend, he is happy to serve her and considers her a vast improvement over Countess Henrietta. He tells her that she possesses what Henrietta lacks, understands something that Henrietta would never understand in several lifetimes: that looking down on people she believes as her 'inferiors' will leave her at a disadvantage eventually.

But if you hint at having feelings for Luke, the entire mood of the scene changes, and you see him feeling torn between his growing affections for her and his recognition that any relationship beyond the professional will end badly for them all.

• The thing with both Luke and Annabelle is that to not fall for them is to maintain the status quo. So even if there is an element of attraction, the MC not reciprocating does not tip the delicate balance that governs their lives at Edgewater over. But when she does...it gives rise both to moments of joy...and moments of fear.

• Ooh I love the animation for the train!!

I mean...just...look at this!

• The MC and Briar get to react in awe to their first sight of London before they get down from the carriage. We find out that we're pretty much stranded on the streets of London and no one has come to pick us up. Gee thanks, stepbro.

• Not gonna lie, but seeing Prince Hamid's shocked!face on his full-body shot made me giggle a little.

• He introduces himself as Imperial Prince Hamid, cousin to "his Imperial Majesty Mahmoud the Second, Caliph of Islam, Sultan of the Ottoman Empire, and Custodian of the Two Mosques (the last especially was used in royal titles for many Islamic rulers, and refers to the Al-Haram Mosque (al-Masjid al-Ḥarām) of Mecca, and the Prophet's Mosque (Al-Masjid An-Nabawī) of Medina).

• In a sense he kinda reminds me of Kamilah: he is a fictional character positioned as being related to an actual historical figure, so they will give us plenty of background about the countries they were from (Egypt and Turkey [Istanbul in this case], respectively) but keep the actual historical figure at a distance. Making the fictional character a cousin and a person of an important position in that court is a smart choice to make: they're important enough to represent the royals of the times but distanced enough that it doesn't seem unnatural if they aren't that close and ergo can't tell you personal details about said historical figure.

• Did You Know: Sultan Mahmud II (the cousin Hamid mentions) was seen as quite a progressive ruler of his times. 1829 onwards, he tried to bring many, many reforms into the Ottoman empire, including (according to the Encyclopedia Britannica article on him) "adopting the cabinet system of government, provided for a census and a land survey, and inaugurated a postal service (1834), introducing compulsory primary education, opening a medical school, and sending students to Europe. In addition, the sultan’s right to confiscate the property of deceased officials was abolished, and European dress was introduced". It looks like some elements of this way of thought could be reflected in Hamid, from his talk of diplomacy in his diamond scene.

• Hamid not only positions himself as a bit of an outsider to England but also as a man who travels: talk of travelling and seeing the world is his ice-breaker when they get into the carriage. This will allow him not only to help familiarize the MC with London, and his home Constantinople, but also give her (and us) a view of what the world looks like at this point. For instance, if the MC speaks of even London is unfamiliar territory to her, he mentions the Blue Mosque, the construction of which was completed exactly 200 years prior to the events of the story.

• The other very essential point of this scene is to provide a bit of a parallel to Luke, but also as a counterpoint. Luke is disadvantaged both by his class and his race - ergo he has a very layered perspective. Hamid has privileges, but he is also aware of and in some ways used to the reception he gets in England, and has figured out how he wants to respond. Both Luke and Hamid find their ways to cope with their situation, and the MC is allowed - according to the ethnicity chosen for her - to relate to both.

Florence, for instance, relates heavily to this as someone is visibly a foreigner even though England is the only home she has ever known. Marianne does not fully understand this, but she can tell him like any decent human being would that she thinks it's wrong of people to treat him that way.

• Just prior to this the two manage to see the Tower of London, notorious for the imprisonment and execution of many, many people including royals and nobles. There is a short but rather poignant conversation on the "many people tortured and murdered over who had the right to sit on the throne" (among the people executed, you will find names like Anne Boleyn, Thomas More, Lady Jane Grey, Guy Fawkes and Walter Raliegh).

• Did You Know: For a long long time in England, executions were seen as a bit of a spectator sport. The more unusual the criminal, the bigger the crowd. The Capital Punishment UK blog speaks of the kind of atmosphere usually present around the time:

In many counties, executions were held on market days to enable the largest number of people to see them and school parties would be made to attend as a moral lesson, something which is certainly recorded as happening at Lancaster Castle. Public houses and gin shops always did a very brisk trade on a hanging day.

However, attitudes towards executions experienced a shift around the late 18th-early 19th century, and by 1864 Parliament established a Royal Commission on Capital Punishment, with a declaration that executions would take place inside the prisons rather than in public.

I'm not sure if this was intentional, but possibly the MC's and Hamid's reactions to the tower may be reflective of their times.

• Interestingly, Annabelle is shown to look jealous if you've been romancing her, and giving you a sly grin if you're just friends. I quite liked that little touch. Luke meanwhile is a little less open about how he feels at this point: whether you're romancing him or not, he is described as "watching you carefully" during your exchange with Hamid.

• So Mr Marlcaster got the letter from the Duchess to send a groom for picking the MC, but didn't...as per his mother's demands, surely. But AT LEAST you should have been a little prepared to answer me in case I dropped by anyway, dude? Instead of just standing there and staring at me like a scandalized goldfish.

• Looks like Edmund is still going to try screwing things up for us, and we'll need to find a way to get him on our side. After all, we get relationship points with both him and Theresa Sutton, and Lady Grandmother did tell us we could find a way to get them to be with us rather than against us.

• I'm looking forward to Chapter 5...but it's Chapter 6 I REALLY want to see. We're going to learn a bit more about the MC's mother's background!

General Thoughts:

• OMG so much was there to unpack this chapter!! A lot of it to do with Annabelle and Hamid, and Luke has taken a bit of a backseat this chapter but I'm hoping that's a taster of what's to come in his case.

• Look I love this story but IT COSTS SO MUCH. WTF. Keeping Clover was a nice option but it really added nothing to this chapter and could have easily been shifted elsewhere. I want this book to do well. I'm happy with how they're writing it, the effort they're putting into their research and into their characters so far...and I would hate for it to not be appreciated because they made it so hard for people to get into the book by making it this expensive so early.

• Florence is going for Annabelle and Luke (leaning more towards Annabelle at this point), and Marianne for Hamid and Sinclaire (I'm not sure yet but Hamid is a very very strong contender!!). Who would have thought I'd have my first polyam MCs in a book on Regency Era England!! Who woulda thunk!

• Annabelle particularly intrigues me at this point. She is clearly established as both inside and outside of this system, and vocally critical of it at least to the MC. She writes about her desires against the chargin of her father, and states that she doesn't want to merely settle into a 'safe' relationship like her mother, not unless she can know and trust that person (which is mostly why she agreed to the match with Harry even if she didn't love him). She is confused, and open and honest about her confusion. I really think the foundation of this character is immensely strong, but they really need to keep working on her and not just drop their efforts on her halfway. And I've seen that happen enough times with female LIs to be afraid.

• At this point, we now have three male LIs (one Master of Horse who is African-American, one family-approved eligible bachelor and one prince of the Ottoman Empire) and one female love interest. Is there space for one more confirmed female LI? I sure hope so but at the same time I don't want keep my hopes up.

However...IF the plan is to keep just one female LI, then they'd better do a pretty darn phenomenal job of her. If you're not going to give wlw players other options it's only fair to make sure the only option is given really, really good writing - consistently. They're doing a good job so far...but there's a long long way to go before I can fully trust PB to do justice to her.

• That's it for now! On to Chapter 6!

• Tagged: @boneandfur @liamraines @thespiritpanda @alanakusumastan @ernestsinclairs @private-investigator-nazario @bcdollplace @thedepthsremember @mcbangle @queenodysseia @novaelaras

If you'd like to be tagged on these QTs, do let me know! 😀

#desire and decorum #long post #annabelle x mc #luke x mc #hamid x mc #annabelle parsons #luke harper #imperial prince hamid #dnd quick thoughts #quick thoughts

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Title: Hard to Handle Fandom: Stranger Things Characters: Steve Harrington x Reader Word Count: 3,425 Warnings: None Notes: Can y’all tell that I’m on a massive “best friends turned lovers” kick? // Request from anon for “4. “I think i’m in love with you, and that terrifies me.” 75. “I want you to fight for me!” and 76. “Please don’t go.” from the prompt list for steve harrington with a side of extra large angst please 💗💗 (and if u only do a certain # of prompts then u can choose from those three :))” – (I couldn’t find a way to include number 75, so that’s why it got left out.) ♥

gif made by @v-writings

The first semester of college is always the most difficult, for an innumerable amount of reasons. Not only is it nerve-wracking to be thrust into an entirely unfamiliar situation such as college, but it is a momentous change in one’s personal life. They’re away from their family, they’ve now got to balance difficult coursework with attempting to have a social life, they’ve got to attempt to develop a social life in this new environment – there are a thousand and one things that change in someone’s life when they go to college. And any fragment of familiarity is held onto as if it were the most valuable thing in the world. Whether it be the blanket they brought that still smells like home, or a photo of their family setting on the nightstand, any sense of home is cherished.

For Steve, it wasn’t some treasured memento from home – it was you.

Thankfully, the basic courses that every college student must take allowed you to share almost all of your classes with Steve. He was more than grateful for it as well. Despite being the former King of Hawkins, he was now essentially insignificant – and he didn’t quite know how to handle it. He had grown accustomed to everyone in his school knowing his name, to recognizing him as arguably the most popular person at Hawkins High. But here, no one – save yourself – knew him at all. He felt insignificant, and that constant, sinking feeling pushed him even closer to you, made him even more desperate to be with you always.

If he had to guess, that would likely be the primary factor in why he fell in love with you.

Steve had always cared deeply about you. You had been his friend since elementary school, when you’d punched a kid in the throat for stealing his crayons. (You’d gotten in loads of trouble, of course, but it was certainly a fun memory to look back on.) Even when you’d both gained attractiveness with the onset of puberty, neither of you felt any different about one another. You were still just best friends, and absolutely nothing more.

This was what made it even more perplexing to Steve when he found himself staring at you much longer than usual, eyeing the way you held the end of your pen between your lips when you were deep in thought, or the way you’d rock up to class with messy hair and a coffee after a long night of studying. He found himself positively enamored by you – and it was absolutely mortifying.

The situation with Nancy had hurt Steve far more than he’d ever admitted to anyone. Sure, you knew all about how much he’d cried over it, how long he’d been heartbroken and downtrodden from it – but you didn’t know how irreparably it had damaged him. You didn’t know that he often lied awake at night, staring up at the ceiling as he wondered if she’d ever actually loved him? And if she hadn’t – if she’d never loved him in all the time they’d been together – how could he possibly tell if anyone else was feigning their love for him? Was he doomed to spend the rest of his life clueless as to whether or not he was a burden, an obstacle for the people in his life to overcome? How many people were only in his life because they felt obligated to be? You, Dustin – hell, even his own mother? Were you all only there because you felt trapped, spending every day working yourself up to leaving him? Were any of you there simply because you wanted to be, because you really did care about him?

These were but a few of the thoughts that constantly plagued Steve’s mind. Regardless of how many times he attempted to assure himself that you were his friend because you wanted to be, that you would never have stayed friends with him for this long if you didn’t actually care about him – he couldn’t shake the paranoia that you secretly despised him, and you were only still sticking around because you didn’t know anyone else here. The second you made some new friends, Steve would never hear from you again. You’d just toss him away, and the next time he’d see you would be at your high school reunion, on the arm of some douchebag who didn’t love you half as much as Steve did.

All of this only made Steve more apprehensive about his blossoming feelings for you.

And all of this only made him a thousand times more distraught when you started dating someone – someone who wasn’t him.

The guy’s name was Chad, and he was a bit of a prick, but he seemed to treat you pretty well. Chad himself wasn’t necessarily Steve’s problem – it was how you felt about Chad. It was how your entire face would light up when Chad would come up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing the top of your head. It was the smile that would spread across your face when he’d bring you take-out on a night he knew you were cramming for an exam. It was the way you’d laugh at his jokes, and the way he’d just smile at you as you laughed, as if you were the most beautiful thing in the entire world.

But since Steve couldn’t possibly bring himself to be upset with you, he generally took his frustration out on Chad.

Steve felt his entire body cringe when someone clapped his shoulder and sat down next to him at the picnic table outside the library. Chad gave him a friendly grin, as you took a seat across the table.

“How’s it going, man? Studying hard or hardly studying?” Chad questioned lightheartedly, and Steve managed to force out a brief laugh.

“Bit of both, I guess.”

“We’re going to the game tonight, do you wanna come?” you asked, and Steve felt almost embarrassed by how delighted he was by your offer. You’d both been extremely busy with homework lately, being that the end of the semester was fast approaching, so you hadn’t spent much time together. He was more than happy for any excuse to hang out with you – until he realized that that meant Chad would be there.

Oh well, Steve would just have to take what he could get.

“Yeah, sounds… sounds fun,” he said, and the smile that lit up your face made his mouth go dry.

“Great! I’ll swing by your dorm around six and we can walk to the game from there,” you said, and Steve just nodded, returning your vibrant smile.

That night, for the first time in a long time, Steve actually got ready. Not just the “do his hair and throw on some clothes” type of getting ready. No, Steve changed his outfit three times, spent twice as long on his hair than usual, sprayed on some of his seldom-used expensive cologne, and admired himself in the mirror for ten minutes, before he felt pleased with his appearance.

Truthfully, Steve didn’t even know why he was putting so much time and effort in tonight. The fact remained that you were still with Chad. No matter how nicely he dressed, no matter how fantastic his hair looked – you were still with Chad. That put a bitter taste in Steve’s mouth, and he immediately pushed it to the back of his mind. It’d been awhile since he’d gotten to spend time with you, and dammit, he was going to enjoy himself tonight. He wasn’t going to worry about who you were with, how long you’d end up being with them, or any of that other shit. He was just going to have fun, and enjoy hanging out with you.

Until you showed up at his door with slightly blotchy, red cheeks and puffy eyes.

“Woah, what the hell happened? You alright?” Steve questioned immediately, frowning as he bent down to look at you and brush some hair out from your face.

“Yeah, I’m fine, let’s go,” you said softly, turning to walk away. Steve gently grabbed your arm, and stopped you.

“Hey… what happened?” he repeated, this time with a much gentler tone. You let out a heavy sigh before turning around to face Steve again.

“I… I decided to go by Chad’s dorm early tonight, because I needed to use his computer to send an email to my professor. And when I went in there… he was with someone.”

“What exactly do you mean, ‘with someone’?”

“They… they looked like maybe they’d been kissing, but stopped when they heard the door opening. I don’t know, I… I just left and came here. He was yelling after me, but… I just left,” you explained, sniffling a bit before shaking your head. “Doesn’t matter right now. Can we just… go to the game, and focus on a bunch of people screaming at some guys chasing after a ball, rather than my currently fucked up love life?”

“Okay,” Steve said, nodding and brushing some more hair away from your face, before offering you a kind smile. “Yeah, let’s go.”

The game was pretty much exactly what you’d said earlier: a bunch of people screaming at some guys chasing after a ball. You got into the game much more than you usually did, and it was clear to Steve that that was intentional; you were choosing to focus on the game rather than your own thoughts. So, he did it, too. You both quickly joined those hollering and swearing at the game, occasionally screaming at the ref or cheering at the top of your lungs. Steve felt himself actually enjoying it – this weird, hyperfixated, energetic comradery between the two of you.

Until he felt that unfortunately familiar hand clap his shoulder.

“Oh my god, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Chad said, panting a bit and looking relieved. “Baby, I’m so sorry, it’s totally not what you think –”

“Then what the fuck is it, Chad?”

Anyone who has experienced the uniquely awkward feeling of standing next to an arguing couple would understand why Steve decided to sneak away. He waded through the sea of people until he was down a few rows, ready to return to you when you inevitably dumped Chad for good. Despite the fact that it made him feel a bit ashamed, he couldn’t deny that he felt a little hint of excitement rise up in him. You were finally going to be rid of Chad, and maybe – just maybe – Steve could be with you.

Every couple of minutes, Steve would look back at you and Chad, to see if the argument was over yet. It was mostly you looking furious and upset, and Chad doing his best to placate you, and to come up with excuses for why he was snuggled up in bed with someone else. The argument eventually seemed to be winding down, and Steve assumed that you had reached the point where you were telling Chad to get lost. The team scored, and Steve returned his attention to the game for a few moments. And when he looked back, he saw Chad leaning down to kiss you.

Something in Steve’s heart snapped. He instantly wanted to be as far away from there as possible. He felt as if he were in a bit of a haze, his legs guiding the rest of his shell-shocked body down the bleachers, and towards his dorm. He walked like a zombie, and he felt like one. When he reached his room, he managed to close the door behind him and kick off his shoes, before falling face-first onto his mattress, burying his face in his pillow. Tears that he didn’t know where there began to wet his face, and before he knew it, he was sobbing.

It was a myriad of factors that ultimately caused Steve’s little meltdown. There were some external factors, such as the pressure of the multitude of homework he was dealt resting upon his shoulders and weighing him down. But primarily, of course, he was crying about you. He was crying because he’d been so stressed about his feelings for you, that he’d never taken the time to actually deal with them. Now he was being forced to deal with them. And he was being forced to deal with the fact that you didn’t want him; you wanted some cheating piece of hair-gel slathered garbage named Chad, and you may never want him. All of these intense, burdensome feelings that Steve now felt for you were likely all for naught; you’d probably never want him. Why? Because he didn’t feel that he was worth wanting.

Steve couldn’t be sure of how long he’d cried, but when he was through, he just felt empty. He felt empty, and then mad. And for the first time, he felt mad at you.

It was another hour before you showed up to his room, knocking softly before letting yourself in. You found him lying on his bed, his hands folded over his stomach as he stared up at the ceiling. After you dropped your coat on the ground, he didn’t acknowledge at your presence, so for a second, you thought he was asleep, until he spoke.

“What’re you doing here?”

His voice was hollow and hoarse, and you frowned at his question.

“I’m here because you disappeared. You ditched me at the game, and I couldn’t find you anywhere. You actually worried me a little, I thought maybe you got sick or something. I wanted to see if you were here, and check to see if you’re alright.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Now go ahead, run back to Chad, like always. I’m sure he’s got some more bullshit excuses to give you.”

“What the hell is your problem, Steve?”

He sat up then, and in the dim light of his bedroom, you couldn’t see the tears that still stained his cheeks.

“What’s it matter what my problem is? Just go suck Chad’s face some more, and continue to not give a shit about me, just like you have been for the past several months.”

“You think I don’t give a shit about you?”

“Sure as hell seems like it,” Steve scoffed.

“You’re my best friend, and not having the time to see you makes me feel like a horrible person. You know just as well as I do that they’ve been piling on the homework for the past month or more, and I’ve just been too swamped to have the time to hang out. And it’s not like you’ve been coming to see me, either. But I know that it’s because you’re busy, and I don’t hold it against you. You need to untie the knot in your panties, and understand that I’m not doing this because I don’t give a shit about you. It’s because I just don’t have any fucking time, Steve.”

“Alright, and what about Chad? What about you being too blind to see that he’s obviously cheating on you, but you’re too thoughtless to just dump him and move on? Look, I get that you’re in love with him, but you’re being stupid.”

“I did dump him, you moron,” you snapped.

“Yeah right, I saw him kiss you.”

“Well, you must’ve left before you saw me slap the hair gel off him, and tell him to go to hell,” you retorted, and that visibly took Steve aback. “I told him that his excuses were bullshit, that I know he was cheating on me, and to never speak to me again. You clearly don’t know me at all if you think I’m ‘stupid’ enough to take him back, so I’ll just stake my ‘stupid’ ass home. Goodnight, Harrington.”

You snatched your coat up off the floor, and you were just about to walk out the door, when Steve jumped up to grab your arm, effectively stopping you in your tracks.

“Please don’t go.”

“Why should I stay?” you inquired bitterly. “To listen to you insult me some more?”

“No, I…” Steve trailed off before exhaling slowly and running a hand through his hair. “You’re not stupid at all. God, you’ve never been stupid, and you’ll never be stupid. I’m the stupid one. I got upset with you for no good reason, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m so sorry.”

“But why did you get that upset over thinking I got back with Chad? I would’ve thought you’d just… tell me that I’m not making a good decision, and talk with me about it – not yell at me and call me stupid.”

“I know, I know. I should never have acted like that. I feel like such a jerk. I’ve just… got a lot going on, and I took all of it out on the first thing that made me mad – which was thinking that this prick cheated on you, but you were taking him back. God, I’m so sorry,” Steve said miserably, leaning his back against the wall and running his hands over his face.

“Steve…” you said gently, and he looked at you. “What’s going on? What all do you have ‘going on’ that’s making you this upset?”

“Just… just homework, and shit like that,” he quickly lied, then shook his head. “You don’t need to worry about it, I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Steve. I know you,” you said, frowning at him with a pitying look in your eyes. “What’s going on? Talk to me, please.”

“I… I think I’m in love with you,” Steve blurted out, before he could even think to stop himself. “And that terrifies me. And I don’t know how to deal with it.”

You just stared at him in silence for what felt like ages. The inevitable shock was clear on your face, from your raised eyebrows to your slightly agape lips – but beyond that, Steve couldn’t read you. He’d always been great about that, knowing what you were thinking without you saying a word. But now, you were stunned silent, and he didn’t have a clue what was running through your mind.

“You’re in love with me?” you finally asked, and Steve nodded. His mouth was too dry to choke out a response. You repeated, “You’re in love with me,” but this time, it felt more like a disbelieving statement. Again, Steve nodded.

He could feel his hands begin to grow clammy with fear, and he began wringing them together. He was on the verge of begging you to say something, anything at all to break the silence. Eventually, you looked up at him. Your eyes seemed to be scanning him critically, attempting to determine your next course of action. Then, all in one swift movement, you put your hand behind his neck and pulled him down to your level, crashing your lips against his.

It took him a moment or two to regain his composure enough to return the kiss, delicately placing his hands your waist, as your free hand moved to grip his bicep. Every single thought in Steve’s mind escaped him, besides the thought that you were kissing him – and it was the single best moment of his entire life.

When your hand drifted upwards into his hair, he managed to maintain his equanimity. But that went straight out the window when you tangled your fingers in his soft curls. As if on instinct, Steve pushed you back against the nearby door – which, mere minutes ago, you were getting ready to storm out of.

It was a very welcomed change of pace.

Steve’s hands moved from behind you to grip your hips, allowing your back to be pressed firmly against the door’s cold, hard wood. He pulled your hips closer, pressing your body against his, and both of you felt dizzy. By the time you broke the kiss, both of you were out of breath. Steve rested his forehead on your shoulder, and wrapped his arms around your waist, almost as if he were pulling you into a languid hug.

“I love you,” he heard you whisper softly, as if you were scared of saying it. “I’ve always loved you.”

“I’m pretty new to it,” Steve admitted, chuckling breathlessly. He absentmindedly turned his head a kiss to your neck, then added softly, “I love you, too.”

There were a few moments of content, comfortable silence, and you were the first to interrupt it. Steve could hear the smile in your voice when you spoke again.

“Now kiss me again.”

@v-writings @emmcfrxst @shirostellations @keithstellations @kendrasauhders @whoarumancek @willsomeoneholdmyhand @queen-of-the-pineapples @pansexual-and-a-geek @bisexualillis

#you get brownie points if you recognized that the title is from the black crowes song #steve harrington #stranger things #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington reader insert #steve harrington fan fiction #steve harrington fan fic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fluff #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fan fiction #stranger things fan fic #stranger things fandom #my writing #hard to handle

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girlsbtrs · 3 years

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My Ladybird Moment (Significant Songs in Life)

Written by Mary Ragheb. Graphic by James N. Grey.

(First of all I wanna give the credit for this title to Pablo, that was all their idea and honestly it works perfectly.)

I know I’m not alone when I say that music has carried me through my whole life - whether that was me singing along with the Jonas Brothers in my best friend’s bedroom in elementary school or staring up at the ceiling blasting My Chemical Romance through my headphones in true emo-kid fashion. But I have always had a weird sensitivity to sound. It could be the ADHD talking but hear me out. Songs for me are ultimately almost always attached to some specific memory or feeling, so much so that I don’t think there’s an album in existence that I haven’t cried to at least once.

So I guess this is my ladybird moment/a playlist of my life????

Let’s start with artists and then we’ll get into songs. This is important because I’m starting with literal baby steps here.

Firstly, there’s Umm Kulthum, one of the most decorated and well-known Egyptian singers ever. I spent much of my childhood listening to her sing on cassettes that my parents brought back from Egypt. Obviously I didn’t know how popular she was when I was a child, but even when I catch my dad listening to her in his little home office, I feel a sense of innocent comfort - almost like when my mom used to wrap a blanket around me on our yearly road trips to New Jersey.

Second of all, I have to give an honorable mention to both the Jonas Brothers and One Direction. I mentioned the JoBros earlier, and I know I’m not alone in how much their music brought us joy as kids. My family couldn’t afford to get us iPods, so I spent a lot of time at friends’ houses listening to them on their older sisters’ CD players or flip phones. You remember those swivel-y ones that had a trackpad like an iPod? Yeah those. (Also don’t talk to me if your favorite brother wasn’t Joe. I will die on this hill.) Now One Direction. I wish I was kidding when I say that my first concert was seeing them OPEN for Big Time Rush in 2011. I think that’s the biggest flex I hold to this day. While I cringe at old pictures of me clad in clothes with the British flag all over them, they were honestly my introduction to fandom culture.

Third, let's get into emo baby. I started high school in a whole new country, which to say the least was a difficult adjustment. Kids can be cruel and that’s true no matter where you are, but by 13 and after being the new kid 4 times up to that point; you kinda become a target. And as cliche as it is, it’s what drove me to fall down a hole of Mayday Parade, Paramore and (drum roll please) - yep, you guessed it, All Time Low. Everyone who knows me knows that I love this band with my whole being. Now, there are a slew of reasons as to why. Obviously Therapy is one of them because my god I still cannot listen to that song without crying. Don’t Panic also came out when me and my family flew back to Boston after living abroad for a year. I remember driving through our old neighborhood while Outlines blasted through my headphones - ironically saying “I’m half remembered halfway across the world, twice removed from my second home.” But above all the intricate stories and lyrics that Alex has written over the years, ultimately they are the reason I met one of my best friends. That seems to be a common theme with me. I’ve taken it as the universe telling me to never stop listening to music. Like, ever.

Finally, let’s all get ready to give the greatest round of applause for my college introduction into K-Pop. To be honest, I blame Halsey for this. I have loved her since I heard Room 93 (and realized I was not straight, thanks Ashley), and I can pretty much recite every album she has front to back. So when I saw them work with BTS I figured, “okay, I guess I can get on board with this.” The best way I can describe it is that Simpsons meme where the kid goes “haha I’m in danger.” K-Pop fans have this theory that your “comfort group” comes to you when you’re ready and I don’t know how they hit the nail on the head but they’re not wrong. I didn’t have an ideal college experience whatsoever, I had a lot of trouble making friends because I honestly didn’t talk to anyone (my own fault, I know). And yet somehow when I started listening to BTS, I made a whole community of friends on the internet and ended up meeting two of my best friends who just happened to walk into my job. If anyone has an existential explanation for all this please let me know before I go ask Namjoon myself.

Okay now that we’ve finished that, let’s get into songs. These are in no particular order, but I guess a common theme that I can attribute to them is power. Not to sound like a tyrant or anything; power to me comes in all forms. The power of love, strength, dominance, and happiness.

Is There Somewhere by Halsey (Room 93)

When I say I feel like I’ve grown up alongside Halsey, I’m not kidding. Not only was this song the prelude to my coming out, but seeing her artistry develop since 2015 has made me feel like a greater part of something. Too cheesy? Ok moving on.

Jasey Rae by All Time Low (Put Up or Shut Up)

This isn’t going to be the only All Time Low song on this list for sure, but it is one of my absolute favorites. If the last chance I got to hear it live was at the 10 year So Wrong It’s Right Anniversary in 2017, then I can die content. I maintain that All Time Low don’t have a bad song in their discography, but Put Up or Shut Up is such a big comfort album for me that I still get the same tingles that I felt when I listened to it at 15.

Don’t Lean on Me by The Amity Affliction (Let the Ocean Take Me)

The Amity Affliction is another one of those bands that marks a really crucial point in my life when I had to reconcile with my mental health. Not to get super emo or anything, but having every single emotion and painful feeling laid out (or screamed out, thank you Joel) soothes the numbness that I had accepted for my pain. Honestly, you could put this song on and I would still scream “LET THE OCEAN TAKE ME” at the top of my lungs like I did at Warped Tour in 2018.

Going to Hell by The Pretty Reckless (Going to Hell)

I’m sure having The Pretty Reckless on this list surprises absolutely noone, but I really think that this album threw me into full blown feminist rage. I have never been one to dilute my feminism to make men more comfortable, but after seeing Taylor Momsen clad in leather singing in front of a band of all guys and commanding all the attention in the room (not to mention her VOICE) - I just wanted to be as badass and confident as her.

Breed by Nirvana (Nevermind)

Is anyone surprised that Nirvana also made the list? Another moment of feminist rage. Have you ever had a guy interrogate you about a band or show or literally anything that non-men enjoy because he thinks there is no way you could possibly REALLY enjoy it? Yeah, I got that a lot in high school. And still now as a grown ass woman but that’s not the point here. I watched a lot of music documentaries during my last two years of high school, mainly about the 80’s and 90’s and the evolution of grunge, hence fueling my love for documentaries even more. And as always, girls cannot seem to like anything without being scrutinized for it so my interest in Nirvana was met with a lot of “yeah but you don’t actually listen to them right?” So it seemed appropriate for my response to that to be to latch onto a song that literally starts with “I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.”

Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore (Brand New Eyes)

Paramore also comes as no surprise here since I profess my love for miss Hayley on a daily basis. I could have picked any song from Paramore’s discography; they are the ultimate encompassment of comfort and happiness. But Brick by Boring Brick made (and still does make) me feel like running through a field in the rain wearing a torn up down and screaming at the top of my lungs.

Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low (So Wrong, It’s Right)

Ah yes, the song that shoots serotonin straight through my veins. The first time I ever saw All Time Low, I was lucky enough to be able to photograph them. And even with a camera strapped to my side, I did not hesitate to jump up and crowdsurf the second the show was coming to an end. I’ve flown to Florida, California, Arizona, and New Jersey and every single time Dear Maria comes on something just takes over the crowd. It’s one of the few times I have seriously felt like family around a bunch of complete strangers. Even when I lost my earring, got dropped straight on my back and passed around the same water bottle across like 50 people. (pre-COVID huh?) I think my favorite Dear Maria memory had to be the last All Time Low concert I went to in December 2020. I was crowdsurfing at the same time another girl got thrown up, and to make sure we didn’t crash into each other we instinctively reached for each other and held hands until we were both over the barricade. I don’t think any moment in live music has felt more precious to me than that. (Also the fact that everyone pointed out that it sounds like an anime intro just makes it even more fitting.)

Magic Shop by BTS (Love Yourself: Answer)

When I say that BTS inject love into their music, I mean this song in particular. After Map of the Soul: Persona came out in 2019, I spent the following weeks listening to their entire discography all the way back to 2013. As soon as Magic Shop came on, I burst into tears before I even got a chance to read the translation (I cried more after I read the translation too.) BTS have perfected the concept of a comfort song and Magic Shop is the perfect example of it. It feels as if for 4 minutes and 36 seconds, you are safe. Honestly though, I could probably throw every single BTS song into this list. They have brought me peace, reassurance, friendships and genuine happiness during a time that I least expected, but needed it the most.

#mary ragheb

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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How The Mandalorian Captures the Spirit of the Star Wars Prequel Era

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This Star Wars: The Mandalorian article contains spoilers.

Among The Mandalorian‘s many influences, at the top of the list is the classic Star Wars trilogy which started it all. Showrunner Jon Favreau, executive producer Dave Filoni, and the rest of the team have done a great job of incorporating lore from every era of the Star Wars saga in ways that make sense. Folding in elements fans know from A New Hope, for example, adds to the show’s sense of groundedness, showing us the weathered sci-fi locations that George Lucas made a staple of Star Wars while also picking up several loose threads unresolved after Return of the Jedi.

The season 2 of the Disney+ series doesn’t forget the Prequel era, though. With Bo-Katan and Ahsoka appearing in season 2, and Grogu revealed to have grown up at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, more and more direct connections to the Clone Wars are becoming important to Din Djarin’s quest.

The Prequels were characterized by bright colors (see Padmé Amidala or Shaak Ti), cartoonish CGI (Jar Jar Binks), and a mix of high adventure and impending tragedy. The Old Republic, when The Phantom Menace opens, is about to begin its decline. The election of Chancellor Palpatine, who is scheming behind the scenes as the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, heralds the rise of the Empire. Several in-universe decades later, The Mandalorian is still dealing with the fallout from the events set in motion in Lucas’ second trilogy.

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Because the Prequel Trilogy ran from 1999 to 2005, it’s a generation removed from fans of the original films and the sequels. Yet, The Mandalorian manages to blend all of these different eras into a cohesive narrative and setting, while also exploring them with a new lens. With season 2’s focus on beginning of the saga, here are a few things The Mandalorian brings back from the Prequel Trilogy and The Clone Wars:

Ahsoka Tano

Season 2 is not only interested in the Prequel movies, but in the Expanded Universe stories that fleshed out the galaxy around it, particularly The Clone Wars TV series. And Lucasfilm wasted no time in creating a narrative throughline between the Star Wars animated series and the first live-action series, giving us both Mandalorian warrior Bo-Katan Kryze and former Jedi hero Ahsoka Tano. While both fan-favorite characters act as quest-givers during Mando’s journey, Ahsoka is the one who gives the bounty hunter the most immediate answers about his little companion’s past.

The former Jedi apprentice appears in “The Jedi” after working with the Rebellion for years. Now, she’s chasing the trail of Grand Admiral Thrawn to the planet Corvus, where an Imperial magistrate might have the answers she needs to find both Thrawn and missing Jedi friend Ezra Bridger (see: Star Wars Rebels).

Although Ahsoka left the Jedi Order over disagreements with the Council’s decisions, she now takes the role of a Jedi mentor, guiding Grogu toward the next step in this journey, even if she won’t outright train him. She doesn’t want to train Grogu because the loss of Anakin is still fresh in her mind. Anakin became Darth Vader due to his attachments, and may see the same fate for Grogu if he can’t let go of Mando. Even after Darth Vader’s death and redemption, his fall still affects Ahsoka.

Bo-Katan Kryze & the Darksaber

“The Heiress” brought Bo-Katan Kryze back into focus. Played by Katee Sackhoff, her armor and hair style are a direct translation of her look in The Clone Wars. She even has two Nite Owls, her original group of commandos, with her, and their fast-paced, competent fighting brings some of the shine of the Prequel Trilogy into the more laid-back Western style of action in The Mandalorian.

At this point in the timeline, she is the rightful leader of Mandalore, a planet that changed hands a lot even before the Empire got ahold of it, with the politics there making up a sizable part of the plot of The Clone Wars. Although The Mandalorian takes place after a Great Purge that wiped out most Mandalorians on the planet, Bo-Katan reveals in her live-action debut that she’s determined to get Mandalore back once and for all.

Her mission on Trask is part of that quest. She needs to capture a shipment of stolen Mandalorian weapons in order to arm her growing group of followers. By the end of “The Heiress,” her trajectory is clear. Now that her group is adequately armed, she can go find Moff Gideon and take back the darksaber, which appeared in the villain’s clutches at the end of season 1.

While initially part of the old Legends continuity, the darksaber became a major part of the Mandalorian storyline on The Clone Wars, as the ceremonial weapon wielded by a Mand’alor, the ruler of the race’s warrior clans. Although there doesn’t seem to be many rival Mandalorians left to question her right to rule, it’s still pivotal that Bo-Katan reclaim the darksaber, as it being in Imperial hands is a major insult to her people.

Grogu

“The Jedi” revealed that the Prequel era actually paved the way for another member of Yoda’s species. In reality, Grogu is a puppet, at least in some shots: Werner Herzog famously called it “heartbreakingly beautiful” when he saw two technicians performing the Child’s facial expressions. The character’s slick look combines Original Trilogy puppetry with Prequel Trilogy cartoonishness.

Now that Ahsoka has explained it, we know Grogu has an even more direct connection to the Prequels. He was raised in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant alongside all of the characters we know and love. Ahsoka, Anakin, and Obi-Wan Kenobi might have known him, and Yoda surely did. The fact that someone snuck Grogu out of the temple during the massacre of the Jedi during Order 66 adds a significant new event to the Prequel timeline.

Another way the Prequels paved the way for Baby Yoda is with Yaddle, the third known canon member of the species. Yaddle was developed based on concept art for a younger Yoda, but became her own character. Lucas wanted the origins of Yoda to remain mysterious, but Yaddle changed the mold by confirming there were others like the beloved Jedi Master.

Grogu explores the mystery of Yoda’s species further. Where did he come from? Is there a planet of Yodas? Would the planet of Yodas irreparably break the internet?

Jango & Boba Fett

Jango Fett’s role in Attack of the Clones led to some confusion as to whether the legendary bounty hunter’s father was technically a Mandalorian. For years, Jango’s origin was a hotly debated topic both in the fandom and in-universe. Members of the New Mandalorian government that ruled Mandalore during the Clone Wars, for example, denounced Jango as a phony, claiming he’d stolen the traditional Mandalorian armor for his own gain. The Mandalorian confirms that the truth can be found somewhere in the middle.

In “The Tragedy,” a resurgent Boba Fett confirms that his father was a foundling like Mando, raised to be a Mandalorian warrior and follow the race’s traditions. The episode even re-canonized a piece of Jango’s Legends backstory. As revealed in the armor chain code that Boba shows Mando, it was a Mandalorian named “Jaste” (very likely a nod to Jango’s adoptive father in Legends, Jaster Mereel) who mentored a young Jango.

Decades later, Boba Fett wears this heritage with pride. While not born on Mandalore (or by natural means), Boba feels every bit as Mandalorian as his father did. “The Tragedy” even confirms that the former Imperial-allied bounty hunter still follows a code of honor among Mandalorians. Indebted to Din due to his actions on Tython, Boba agrees to help his fellow Mandalorian track down Grogu and bring him to safety.

The Cloner

One character operating in the background of The Mandalorian is the mysterious Imperial scientist Dr. Pershing, who briefly appeared in season 1 to run experiments on Grogu and made his return in season 2 episode “The Siege.” Not much is known about Pershing or his twisted experiments except that he needs Grogu’s M-count-heavy blood to accomplish something for the Empire. “The Siege” reveals that he’s been injecting subjects with Grogu’s blood, a process that has resulted in twisted corpses floating inside of lab tanks on Nevarro.

While Pershing’s true motives and mission are yet to be revealed, one theory concerning his identity points to a direct connection to one of the Prequel era’s most important elements: cloning. The biggest clue is the patch on the arm of his lab coat, which matches the one worn by Kaminoan cloners in Attack of the Clones. It’s true that cloning has touched every part of the Star Wars saga, whether it’s a brief reference in A New Hope or Palpatine’s final scheme in The Rise of Skywalker, so it only makes sense that it would also pop up in The Mandalorian.

So far, all of the cloners we’ve seen have been aliens. It’s possible Pershing was trained by the Kaminoans or, judging from the mangled bodies on Nevarro, learned from them in secret and advertised himself as an expert cloner when he in fact is not. But the show is less interested in his back story; the important part is what his skill set might mean for the future of the Empire, the New Republic, and the Jedi. The Kaminoans were never able to replicate Force-sensitivity in their clones. Were Pershing to solve this problem, could this open up a new possibility for Star Wars?

Zabraks

One popular race on the show are the Zabraks, the same species as Darth Maul and a staple of The Clone Wars. The short, curved horns on their skulls give them a devilish aspect to a human viewer, making them a perfect, unsubtle choice for villain characters. That said, the Armorer’s helmet also features what look like Zabrak horns, although whether this is decoration or a necessity is unclear.

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In terms of design, the Zabraks on the show are a mix of Original and Prequel sensibilities. Their red skin is drab—after all, these are background characters, not main villains like Darth Maul. Since they are mostly human, there is no reason why this type of alien couldn’t have been created with prosthetics in 1977—and the show imagines what the Prequel race would look like had Lucas put them in the Mos Eisley cantina in A New Hope.

Bestiary

The Mudhorn of Arvala-7 looks a lot like the Reek, the one-horned, rhinoceros-like creature Obi-Wan and friends fought in the Geonosian arena at the beginning of the Clone Wars in Attack of the Clones. Its lumbering gait and the way it attacks with its swinging head are very similar. The arena battle is a high point in Episode II, perhaps because of the strength of the fight choreography and the way it evokes the creature features classic Star Wars drew from. With better and better CGI technology available to Lucasfilm, The Mandalorian essentially updated the reek for a new era.

Unlike the Mudhorn being a reek look-alike, the blurrgs Mando rides on Arvala-7 are straight from the Prequel era and is unchanged. This species of top-heavy reptilian bipeds has previously appeared in animated form in The Clone Wars. However, they aren’t strictly a Prequel creation, even though many of today’s fans know them from Filoni’s previous work. They first appeared in cartoon form in Ewoks: The Battle for Endor in 1985.

The post How The Mandalorian Captures the Spirit of the Star Wars Prequel Era appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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momtaku · 7 years

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SnK Chapter 92 Poll Results

The chapter 92 poll closed with 500 reported entries.

RATE THE CHAPTER (486 responses)

This chapter had a better reception than the last one. Seeing Reiner and Zeke was cited as a factor by many. Also the action was hard to resist.

that was an interesting way to set up a new story arc. i don’t really know whether i liked it or not, and i’m really eager to see what’s going on with our main crew. i’m gonna reserve most of my judgement until there’s a bigger picture though, so i can fully see what’s going on and why Isayama decided to start like this.

I have no idea what’s going on anymore.

Switching perspectives and presenting intel for readers from new, fresh and different povs is an ability Isayama has like no other, tho can be criticized for its abruptness and the kinda unexplained way it came crashing to the story..but nevertheless I enjoyed it and I think Isayama aced it.

It’s odd, I can see the effort made for us to connect with these new characters. But that just isn’t working for me sadly. While this and the previous chapters have been useful, I would have preferred more SC content. In particular reactions to the recent losses

I have no idea if it was intentional or not but Zeke’s dramatic “War is bad” line right as he chucked a fistful of rocks at the boats was hilarious. Like stahp Isayama I can’t handle all this Edge.

Zeke did the superhero landing, now I can die in peace

I’m grateful as we’ve finally seen Zeke’s method of turning humans into titans and I believe it has nothing to do with his titan form since he’s able to use it without shifting

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF REINER’S NEW LOOK? (482 responses)

Unsurprisingly, 86% of the fandom found something here to agree on. Reiner scored extremely well on the scale from “No Thanks” to “Hello Daddy”!

Reiner is getting hotter with each passing chapter. I fear we may rapidly be approaching a state of ultimate hotness that may be too much for us mere mortals to handle.

I am sad that “Hot Dayum Daddy-o” Is not an acceptable answer for Reiner’s hotness rating.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ZEKE’S SHORT HAIR? (483 responses)

While the results were still favorable, Zeke’s long luscious locks were missed by a significant portion of the fandom. The scale from “No Thanks” to “Hella Hot” had the largest percentage of respondents sat right in the middle.

THE DRUGGED ELDIANS BEING USED AS WEAPONS WAS THE MOST TRAGIC MOMENT OF THE CHAPTER. WHAT WAS THE #2? (483 responses)

I was very curious what this result would be. I watch the poll numbers shift back and forth between sympathy for Reiner and the big picture view of Eldians as whole. In the end “The world’s view of Eldians” narrowly edged out Reiner’s flashback and comment about walls at the 2nd most tragic moment.

Seeing what actually fighting within the walls has done to Reiner–his trauma, etc. was an excellent contrast to the relative innocence the new cast gives off, and it’s heartbreaking to consider that the Warriors we know may have once been the same way. Eren & co. please arrive promptly and save them.

Reiners flashback scene was the most impactful moment in my opinion. It was so heartbreaking.

I thought poop machine was bad, titan carpet bombing is even more wtf

Devastating. To see the Eldians being used as mindless weapons was severely disturbing. And Zeke finally realising that War is indeed a terrible thing.

These chapters are hella intense and enlightening about the world outside. It’s still really sick though. Totally sick I can’t even.

LAST MONTH THERE WAS OVERWHELMING SUPPORT FOR GABI. HAS THIS CHAPTER CHANGED YOUR OPINION OF HER? (445 responses)

Gabi’s glee in the last chapter didn’t sit well with some people. In this chapter she was more sedate, but still very much in it to win it, even accusing Falco of having ulterior motives for rescuing that dying enemy soldier. While the majority claim to have had no real shift in opinion, I urge you to look at the next question to see how popularity numbers have changed.

Her sympathy for her older warriors. that line with “Reiner… be careful” killed me

Her character seems more sympathetic. She was kind of a brat last chapter. This chapter she seems to actually see the realities of war.I was supposed to have an opinion on her?

I lost a lot of respect for her when she didn’t support Falco’s choice to help the soldier from the other side

Something that stuck out to me was Gabi’s concern for Reiner, “Reiner… be careful.” It’s a bit odd, she wants his power (aka eat him) but is concerned for him?

I think it was kinda satisfying to see Gabi’s view on the world change since she seemed so cocky before hand.

I was supposed to have an opinion on her?

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE OF THE NEW RECRUITS? (471 responses)

In the last chapter poll, support for Gabi is overwhelming. She had 38% of the popular vote and Colt was second with 25%. Falco was sitting in 3rd with only 19%. But look at how opinions have changed! Falco is new best boy with 37.2% picking him as favorite while Gabi has dropped more than 10 percentage points.

Gabi and Falco warmed on me but not enough. I still want to spend the whole volume on Marley before moving on.

It was really disturbing to realize that Annie, Bertolt, Reiner, and Marcel were once probably just like Gabi, Falco, Udo, etc. They might have been idealistic, prone to kindness even to their enemies (like Falco)…

HAS REINER’S LUCK FINALLY RUN OUT? (474 responses)

The overwhelming majority think Reiner’s streak of immortality will continue. This is one of those times that I disagree. I think Reiner’s titan age plus the severity of his hit may have weakened him to the point of no return.

I’m still sad about Reiner’s potential fate but I have to get prepared for him to die next chapter or in the chapter after. Poor boy only dedicated his life to an imposed duty since childhood without a break, on top of losing everybody he loved.

Since Reiner’s been knocked out (again XD) it could be a good time for the next chapter to open up with a flashback and end with him waking up? He’s been kept alive for a while, and there’s obviously a reason for it.

Maybe im in denial but Reiner cant die yet, he’s the warrior that knows the enemy best and needs to teach someone to use the 3dmg (If he hasnt already in these 4 years)

WHO DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO INHERIT REINER’S TITAN FORM? (477 responses)

Last month 39.3% thought Reiner would keep his power. Confidence has grown slightly in chapter 92 with 42.3% thinking he’ll stay around a bit longer.

i hope reiner will not gonna die because of gabi , if isayama want to kill him no matter what i want him to die like a hero

I really don’t want Reiner and Zeke to be replaced, as I don’t see how that would add anything to the story and many conflicts would never be resolved.

WHO DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO INHERIT ZEKE’S TITAN FORM? (473 responses)

Last month 55.4% thought Zeke would keep his power. That number has increased to 58.6% with The Jaeger Brothers Reunion Tour cited as the primary reason.

The real difference here is that last month 26% thought Colt would be his successor. That number is down to only 16.3% with Falco gaining the difference.

I wish they would show why zeke was the holder of the key to the whole story.

I don’t think Zeke is going to get eaten, not soon, at least. He’s got so many plot points that require him

I can’t wait until Eren re-unites with Zeke.

Perhaps I’m really reaching, but I hope Zeke was genuine when he said he’d save Eren.

I refuse to bid Zeke farwell before he gets to see his lil bro once more

DA BEAST DADDY IS DA BEST DADDY.

WE GOT A LOOK AT GALLIARD’S EXTREME AGILITY. DO YOU THINK HE ATE YMIR? (474 responses)

Last month 39.8% of people thought Ymir was dead. While this question isnt identical, it carries the same thought. 69.2% of people think Galliard is a new and unique shifter and not a recycled Ymir.

While Gaillard is agile, Ymir’s titan didn’t have the special jaw design, which would be weird AF if she really was the “Jaw Titan.” So I’m pretty sure she’s still safe

I feel 50/50 about the probabilities of Galliard eating Ymir, but the agility he has is not a proof, i don’t believe the “every titan has a unique ability” thing.

I hope Ymir isn’t dead not just bc she’s my bae, but bc, contrary to Reiner to who I don’t see relevant to the story anymore, so, Ymir is…

YAMS my man dude bro I wanna know the dealy-o with Ymir ASAP thx

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE PIECK AND GALLIARD’S HUMAN FORMS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER? (475 responses)

People are curious, but seeing Pieck and Galliard as humans is not as important as seeing the main cast.

I’m really hoping to see Galliard and Pieck’s human forms soon. Since there were many parallels between RBA and EMA and Zeke is said to be like a warrior Levi, I’m hoping for Galliard and Pieck to be like some warrior versions of Erwin and Hange.

I do want to see Galliard and Pieck’s human forms but not if it means we get another Marley chapter. It’s time to go back to the real protagonists.

HOW READY ARE YOU FOR THE MANGA TO MOVE BACK TO OUR MAIN CAST? (486 responses)

I’ll leave this one without my usual commentary :D

All I hoped for was to at least see Reiner and Zeke again. But I’m ready to see my children again next month. :’)

honestly I really want to see Eren’s side again, but I think it would be extremely entertaining to discover what exactly changed within the Walls and the Scouting Legion from Reiner/Zeke/Marley’s point of view once they will actually attack them. It would mean more surprises which is always good, no matter how much I’m dying to see what our other characters look like now.

please @ god i miss our main cast babies

I can’t wait to see Eren & Co! \>o</ Maybe Armin had grew his hair into a Ponytail too!

back to eren, please

fans are making too much drama for the recent lack of the main trio and the 104th squad. I’m more happy to learn about new characters outside the island and see differents points of view about the world

It’s all well and good to introduce new characters but this late in the story, after all these very dramatic plot/character changes and massive mystery revelations it’s a bit… abrupt, to suddenly be with all these new people. I feel like it’s a different series and no one told me about it.

WHICH CHARACTERS DO YOU GENERALLY ENJOY THE MOST (484 responses)

Last month 42.1% cited the 104th as faves; 33% favored the vets; 10.9% said the warriors. This month the warriors saw the a nice increase, moving up to 14.7%.

Final thoughts

There are more chapter thoughts in this post. If I didn’t publish your comment, please know that I read it and I thank you for the support. Even though these polls are more silly than serious, I enjoy getting a perspective that’s wider than my own. Thank you!

#snk meta #snk analysis #snk 92 #snk chapter 92 #snk poll #thank you to everyone for participating #publishing without proofing #and while drinking #I will regret this tomorrow

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sooyummieunnie-blog · 7 years

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EXO-L VS ARMY

SO before I start this blog, I would like to let you all knpow that I honeslty had to stare at this picture for so long trying to figure it out and I’m still honestly super on edge about who I wanna say it is. Like I feel right now like “It’s obviously Jungkook, that’s Jimin next to him.” But when I saw it at a smaller size I, no questions asked, absolutely KNEW it was Sehun and Kai. also the person to Jungkook/Sehun’s right (our left) kind of look(ed/s) like LuHan, so I just like... I don’t know, I’m gonna stop thinking about it before my head explodes.

Alright, Here I go!!

So, to give anyone knew to this scene some background- though to be completely honest, I don’t know much about it either- apparently fans of BTS (Armies) and fans of EXO (EXO-Ls) have some kind of rivalry going on, and so I’m here to present to you some information in the form of a persuasive essay (kind of, not really) because I can also turn it in to my English teacher for credit so, there’s your explanation as to why you’re reading this, if you even are.

Personally, I first got into K-pop at the age of 14. BTS was still brand-spanking new, Jungkook was only 15, and Kris was leaving EXO. Of course, in the beginning, I could give two less shits because I only cared about one band- that band being BOYFRIEND, and I still love them. I was exploring the K-pop world a little bit, looking for bands that suited my- at the time- cutesy tastes. I had listened to a few songs by EXO, but at the time, my taste in music wasn’t exactly at it’s finest, so the fast-paced, kind of dark, and a little bit sexy-toned music of EXO (only in comparison to BOYFRIEND or B1A4) wasn’t exactly my thing. I think I also listened to ‘Boy In Luv’ one time before deciding I wasn’t into it- though I had seen a picture of Suga somewhere and thought he was cute.

fast-forward to sophomore year- I was still listening to a lot of K-pop and had opened myself up a little more to bands like SHINee, B1A4, BEAST, BIGBANG, and, of course, EXO. I had pretty much forgotten about BTS. But let me tell you this about my little fake exo-l 16 year-old self! The only member of the band whose name I knew was BaekHyun. I had decided he was the cutest member, and at the time that was all I needed. I didn’t need to know the other members’ names because Baekhyun was the one I liked. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I knew Kai’s stage name because I also had a nephew named Kai, so I thought it was cool, and I knew Chanyeol’s name because the only picture I’d ever seen of him, his hair was outgrown, unkempt, and dyed ginger, and he was smiling really wide. Needless to say, I thought the fucker looked like fucking Chucky. He scared the shit out of me for a long time to be completely honest. I still don’t like that picture and always change my EXO bias for a few hours after seeing it.

Fast forward again to February 2017. The middle of my senior year.

I was (am still, while I’m writing this, but I don’t know when you’ll be reading it so whatever.) 18 and had just finished the Jumin route on Mystic Messenger. I was angry because, while I loved the characters I had to choose from, there was one I really liked who I couldn’t choose to have a relationship with.. If you haven’t played the game, the main characters/characters you interact with, are Yoosung, Zen, Jaehee (the only female you interact with), Jumin, 707/Luciel (the true ending and my husband, I’m cuddling with a body pillow of him as I type), Unknown, and an aqua-haired (going)blind photographer named Kim Jihyun who goes by the alias V.

Now, most of you probably know, some of you may not, but BTS has a member in their band- a wonderful panda who is nothing less than precious and perfect and I love him- who goes by the stage name V. His birth name, for the sake of you who don’t know, is Kim Taehyung. Well, one day I was searching for Kim Jihyun, though I searched “V,” so of course, this is how I discovered (For the second time) BangTan Seonyeondan.

I saw the pictures of Taehyung popping up all over the place, and I just thought “my god, have I ever seen a real person this adorable?” Well.. that got me thinking some more.

“Well.. What about that BaekHyun guy? From that ‘EXO’ band?”

And thus, I started listening to BTS while I tried to re-establish my connection with the K-POP fandom, and eventually started listening to some EXO as well, and some other bands that were really just fillers because I only liked 1 or 2 of their songs. I was getting really, really into the fandom. Started watching some K-dramas to go with it, starting with Descendants of the Sun (Song Joong Ki was the first person to get me into the Koreaboo fandom).

I was really digging in, you know? And then came the BBMAS. I was feeling it. Just bought myself a ChanYeol sweater, had a BTS dust mask on the way, was following all the idols I could on social media. I heard that BTS had won best social artist and was stoked! I was so proud of my babies! I mean, I guess I’m still considered new to the fandom, but come on, I love these boys just as much as anyone else and you can’t tell me otherwise. Because while it was V’s looks that inspired me to look into the band, it was the music that caught my interest. Originally, I thought they were all a little bit funny looking (my very first thought of Jungkook ever was ‘oh my god it’s young Asian mark walberg’ and I have no idea why) because I wasn’t used to seeing people who were fully Korean. What I mean by that is: There are a lot of Half-Korean students at my old high school, so they were what I was used to seeing. You know, inherently white-looking.

Anyway, I decided pretty quickly that I had needed my eyes checked because those boys and their music are both beautiful in every way.

Back on topic:

I was getting in the celebrating mood. My boys had just won an award, I was getting to watch videos of them meeting all kinds of western artists who were just as excited to meet them as they were to even be there at all. I was so proud, like a mom watching her 7 grown ass men sons go to pre-school for the first time.

On one particular video- I think it was one of them performing ‘Save Me’ in the billboard studios- I found a comment that made me stop. I hadn’t realized before I saw this comment that EXO-Ls and ARMIES are kind of rivals. What the comment said isn’t entirely important, I can’t remember it exactly, but basically, it was an EXO-L very harshly and rudely expressing her anger (more like jealousy?) that it was BTS and not EXO. She said some things about BTS being untalented and how EXO is much better and how BTS used EXO for popularity.

That’s right.

BTS.

USED.

EXO.

FOR.

POPULARITY.

...

WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS BITCH THINK SHE IS?!

But I didn’t say that. I thought about it for a long time, and then decided “Alright. Fans will be fans, it’s okay to be butthurt, but why this much hostility? Why do you hate BTS so much? Why are you literally threatening the lives of fans of BTS?”

I’m not saying I’ve found and answer to these questions, but I am saying this: The rivalry between EXO-L and ARMY is ridiculous and kind-of out of hand.

Let me start by telling you what made me so upset.

The event she was referring to, when BTS allegedly “used EXO for popularity” was at an awards ceremony (I think). Baekhyun posted somewhere a Selca from after the ceremony of himself and V posing together, making a face that made them look just about identical. They’d also been seen shaking hands and talking earlier throughout the ceremony. This wasn’t even the first time this happened, they’d been seen being friendly with each other once before at another award ceremony. Of course, BTS being a less popular band than EXO in some areas, some people were bound to see it as suspicious. Kim Taehyung getting close to his sunbaenim, Byun Baekhyun? Of course someone somewhere would say ‘That’s a publicity stunt!’ if not for this fact:

BaekHyun approached Taehyung. Not the other way around.

Both times, BaekHyun was the one to approach Taehyung, greet him with a friendly handshake

And there’s also this picture, which came from a Chanyeol fan-site that I’m not sure about, I just found it on google to be completely honest, but I think it says something about my point:

I’m not sure if you can tell, and I’m not sure if i’m even right, but to me this picture looks like (from left to right) (BTS)Taehyung, (BTS)Yoongi, (EXO)Chanyeol, and (EXO) Kyungsoo. They all appear to be pretty friendly with each other, clearly Chanyeol has his arm around Suga/Yoongi. That’s clearly D.O to Chanyeol’s right, and It’s not 100% clear but I’m almost certain that the leftmost person is Taehyung.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is this:

Just because one band may be more or less popular than the other, it doesn’t mean that when they interact the less popular band is only doing it for popularity. They may really, truly, honestly be friends.

Let me show you this quote from an interview with BTS’ Maknae, Jeon Jungkook:

Do you see that? Jungkook would want to fuck Kyungsoo if he was a girl (not to be vulgar, I’m really just trying to throw in some humor but I’m not a funny person).

My point is: Jungkook idolizes D.O apparently, so if you saw them together, would you be excited for Jungkook, or would you say Jungkook was using Kyungsoo to get more famous?

Since finding that comment, I see more and more hostility everyday between the two sides, and both sides start it, it’s not one side being worse than the other because I’ve seen ARMIES post some awful things on Baekhyun’s instagram photos. Which is like-

I won’t get into some of the terrible things I’ve heard both sides say, because that’s not my point. My point is this:

Stop it! If the boys can be friends, why can’t we? I know many EXO-Ls are also ARMIES and vice versa. I don’t think I could ever choose between the two, I love them both so much and if Chanyeol and Taehyung were both standing in front of me right now asking me to choose which one of them I would marry, I’d probably just shoot myself because how the hell could you possibly choose?

What I’m trying to say is, if our boys can be friends then so can we. There’s no reason to fight, because everybody has their own preference. It’s okay if you prefer BTS over EXO, just like it’s okay if you prefer GOT7 over B.A.P or BOYFRIEND over B1A4. It’s totally cool! But there is no reason for you to go after somebody else because they like someone else.

AND GOD DAMN IT IF I HEAR SOMEBODY SAY “B1A4 SUCKS BTS IS BETTER” I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL show you this picture of Jin and Sandeul at an amusement park together (Gongchan got so jealous~!)

OR THIS OF JIN HOLDING SANDEUL BRIDAL STYLE!!:

They look like they just got married tbh.

Alright. Here’s my conclusion:

It doesn’t matter who likes what band. Just because you like BTS doesn’t mean you can’t like EXO. Just because you like EXO doesn’t mean you can’t like BTS. You can love and support both bands. And just because somebody else likes a ‘rival’ band better than they like your personal favorite band, it doesn’t mean they’re personally attacking you and their is no reason to be hostile. Let’s just call an alliance between all fans of all K-pop and just do what we were meant to do with this fandom:

Enjoy the music.

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