#we are the embodiment of 'if your heart says broke and your friends say don't its an rip'

[thissmycomingofage]

The way I wince in embarassment everytime I remember the time my friend who has the reddest flag of a "boyfriend" told me her favorite maisie song was run

[hyunniesgirl]

More than words

Pairing: Lee Know x fem!reader

Summary: your best friends are getting married and you're their maid of honor. They just forgot to mention that the best man and your partner in the wedding is the guy who broke you heart.

Word count: 6,394

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, drunk people, just fluffy and a tiny bit if angst, also there's a screenshot/fake text close to the end.

>> Masterlist <<

A/N: so, this was supposed to be a bday post for Lee Know but I couldn't finish it on time :( turns out I can't write under pressure and I still don't think this is good enough but I don't think I can do better this time lmao I'm sure he can feel my love even if it's a bit late(I wish) so happy late bday for my bias the most sassy and sexy man on earth!!!!

You look at the invitation in your hands and sigh. You were really looking forward to your best friend's wedding. You were overjoyed when she told you Jeonghan had finally proposed and that she had chosen you as her maid of honor. You were excited to go out shopping to choose her wedding dress and enjoyed helping plan all the little details.

The thing is, Seojin forgot to let you know that the best man is going to be her best friend, your long-term crush and the guy who rejected you. Lee Minho, your wildest dream and worst nightmare embodied.

You, Seojin, Jeonghan and Minho had met in college and you fell in love at first sight. Yeah, kinda cheesy, right? You always had been a logical person so love at first sight sounded like bullshit to you, until it actually happened.

It was the strongest, most nerve wracking emotion you ever felt in your life. The way every move he made, every word he said, every smile he gave you, just made your entire world turn upside down.

You never really put a lot of effort into hiding that you liked him, seizing every opportunity to hit on him but he never really gave you the time of day, brushing it off as a joke.

A year ago, you decided to confess to him. You told him about your feelings for but it was no surprise when he turned you down.

You already guessed he didn't feel the same way as you did, you just thought it best to regret what you have done rather than what you haven't. And you did regret doing it in the end. Your heart was broken and you felt empty, you haven't spoken to him since that day. So to know you'll have to spend a whole weekend in his presence is not something you're looking forward to.

>>>

You came to the airport right after you clocked out of work. It's not a long trip, so you try to make yourself comfortable while you're in the plane.

As the maid of honor, you have to help the guests during the weekend, this is your job so Seojin can relax before her wedding.

So when you feel someone sitting by your side, you put your best smile on, ready to introduce yourself.

Your smile disappears when you see Minho there, he has his usual smug smile on his lips and an eyebrow raised, staring at you and waiting for you to continue.

"Oh, it's you", you say, feeling your cheeks warm, turning around to look out of the window.

"I expected a more heartwarming greeting", he jokes, "we are partners for the weekend after all"

'Don't even get me started on that', you think, sighing.

You should be nice to him, at least while you're on wedding duties, he didn't do anything wrong after all. But you're embarrassed, the last time you talked to each other was when he rejected you.

"How have you been?" He asks when you don't say anything.

"Fine", you give him a forced smile, "and you?"

"As usual", he answers, shifting in his seat, uncomfortable.

"Dating someone?" You ask and his head snaps at you, he didn't think you'd want to know something like that. You sure are having the same reaction, cursing yourself with every name you know, you really can't help yourself, you're an idiot.

"Not really", he clears his throat, he thought you'd have forgotten all about him after so much time but he feels strange knowing you still want to know about that, "you?"

You shake your head, no. You're not dating anyone since you didn't get over him yet. It's pathetic really, a whole year went by and you're still hung up on him.

You don't talk much for the rest of the trip, you just make small talk about his plans with Jeonghan for the weekend. Minho missed you, more than he could have expected, so it's nice having time with you again.

You have always known Jeonghan is rich, but to book a room for every one of their guests at a five star hotel it's a whole other level of wealthy. You're already dreaming about the long bath you're going to take on the hydromassage in your room, after that you're going to lay in the comfortable hotel bed and relax for the rest of the night, maybe check again your plans for tomorrow.

"Mr. Lee", the receptionist says to Minho, giving him the keycard. She looks at you, waiting for you to get closer to the counter, "What can I do for you, Miss…?"

"Oh, it's Y/N L/N", you say, stepping closer. The woman taps something and frowns.

"You're in room 143", she says and you smile politely, waiting for your keycard, "together with Mr. Lee", she points to Minho, who's looking at his keycard and showing it to you.

You take a deep breath.

"There must be a mistake, we are not together, we have to be in different rooms"

"I'm sorry, there must have been a mistake in the booking", she smiles apologetically, "we can give you a full refund"

"There's no need, I can just stay in another room"

The woman presses her lips in a thin line, looking at the other receptionist by her side.

"I'm sorry, but we are fully booked"

You take a moment to understand what she's saying. So there's no room for you? That's great.

"I'll just go to another hotel", you sigh, stepping away.

"I'm afraid it will be hard for you to find another hotel miss, it's the weekend and there are a lot of weddings happening at this time of the year"

"What am I supposed to do, then?", you ask, trying not to freak out.

You can't stay with Seojin since she's the bride and the other bridesmaids magically found a partner to bring to the ceremony so there's nowhere for you to sleep.

"Just stay with me", Minho sighs, running his hands through his hair. "It's your room too anyway"

You stare at him for a whole minute, trying to think of a way to get out of this, but you can't. You have to stay close to Seojin for the wedding plans and you really want to stay in this hotel.

"Do you have a better idea?" He asks, seeing the frown in your face.

You sigh, shaking your head, there's nothing much you can do. You follow Minho to the elevator, pressing the bottom and waiting for the doors to open. A crowd starts to form around you, pushing you together into the confined space. Minho is crushed against the wall and you're being pressed against him, as if things aren't already bad.

"We should have waited to catch the next one", you whisper and he sighs.

"Is not like we had a choice"

You want to fight him, you want to blame him for all this situation. If he didn't reject you, you would be together now and you wouldn't mind being pressed against him. You wouldn't mind the warmth growing in your lower stomach just by the touch of his skin on yours.

The moment people get out on the second floor, you step away from him, trying to hide your red face. You walk together in the corridor, your mind is so full you forget the situation you are in, but when you enter the room you see the bed. There's only one bed. You completely forgot this is a room for a couple, as if it's not enough that you have to sleep in the same room with Minho, you'll have to share the same bed too? If there's a god, he must be laughing at your face right now.

"Do you want to shower first?" Minho's voice takes you out of your thoughts and you turn around to look at him.

"Yeah, thanks"

You grab your bag and go into the bathroom. It's okay, you don't have to freak out, you are in a five star hotel, in a really nice suite, you can manage to survive the weekend.

When you packed your things, you were planning on sleeping alone so you are lucky you actually brought pajamas even though you always sleep in your underwear. This pajama is not the most decent one but it's what you have at the moment.

The hot bath does wonders to relieve your stress, you use the expensive shampoo and hair conditioner and massages your body with some nice body lotion, ready to have a good night of sleep.

Minho's seated by the bed when you get out of the bathroom, his clothes are folded by his side and he's scrolling on his phone. He lifts his eyes towards you, freezing instantly. What the hell are you wearing? He feels the warmth going up his neck, cheeks and his ears.

"A-are you done?" He stutters for the first time since you've known him.

"Yeah, the hair conditioner is really nice, look how soft my hair is now", you step closer to him, tilting your head so he can touch your hair.

"I'll try it myself", he walks past you. You must have taken a lot of time in there for him to be in such a hurry.

When Minho gets out of the bathroom you're already sleeping, you're laying down on your stomach with your round ass bursting out of your shorts or whatever is that thing you're wearing, he's sure he'll go crazy in the next two days if you keep this up.

>>>

When you go into the restaurant and see Seojin, you want to commit a murder. You know that face she's making, it's the face she has when she did something mischievous and is trying to hide it.

"So it was YOU", you slap her arm, sitting in front of her at the table. The other girls didn't seem to have arrived yet.

"I don't know what you're talking about", she smiles looking at you with doe eyes.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, really, you put us in the same room?"

She sighs in defeat. Seojin knows better than to keep pretending, you know her too well to believe in any excuse she'll come up with.

"I just want my two best friends to make up", she smiles, "it's my wedding after all"

"I get that, but you could have thought about a better way", you sigh, calling for the waiter and asking for a bottle of wine. "I won't ruin your weekend", you smile, grabbing her hand to squeeze it, "but you're done for when we go back"

She shivers, you're really scary when you get mad. But it's worth the risk, she knows you're not over Minho and she wants to help you get together.

"Leave the whole bottle", you ask the waiter that just came back to your table bringing the wine and two glasses, "and keep bringing more when you see I'm out of it", you ignore his look of pity.

You're going to have lunch with Seojin and the bridesmaids, then you're going to pick your dress up and bring it to the hotel for you to wear tomorrow.

Soon enough the bridesmaids arrive, there are only three, Seojin's cousins and Jeonghan's sister. They won't shut up about their partners, that aren't even official or anything. You can't believe they brought just about anyone to your best friend's wedding and you absolutely are not being petty because you were forced to stay in the same room as Minho because they all had partners.

After setting the date for your meeting later in the night, you go to pick up your dress. You had to make some last minute changes and were lucky they were available to assist you immediately.

The first thing you do when you get to your room is to try on the dress, making sure it's perfect for the next day. You struggle a bit to put it on, since it has a zipper in the back, but you manage it.

You stare at your reflection in the mirror, you look nice. The green really enhances the color of your eyes and it's going to look perfect with your makeup and hair done.

You feel a sudden tug in your hair, a few strands got stuck in the zipper somehow. Perfect. You pull it a couple of times but with no success until you pull it so hard the zipper actually breaks.

"Oh no no", you whine looking at the big problem you have in your hands.

The door opens behind you and Minho enters, staring at you for a moment, you look beautiful. He would have admired you for a whole hour if it wasn't for the desperate look in your face, that's when he sees that your dress is open in the back with some of your hair stuck in the zipper.

"Are you alright?" He asks, you look at him trying to calm yourself down. What are you going to do? The wedding is tomorrow.

"I messed up", you tell him, tears brimming in your eyes, "I ruined my dress, how am I supposed to go to the ceremony?"

There's no way you can get it fixed, there's a lot of weddings happening this weekend and it's Saturday afternoon, there's not going to be a tailor available.

Minho can see the gears turning in your head, you're overthinking. He gets closer to you, grabbing you by the shoulders, making you look at him.

"Hey!" He says, loudly enough to catch your attention, "calm down! We can find a way to fix it!"

He's looking deeply into your eyes, telling you to take deep breaths and you do just that, calming down a bit in a few minutes.

>>>

Minho had his fair share of broken hearts, sometimes he was the one crying over the end of a relationship and sometimes someone else was in that position. He liked you more than as a friend, he knew that since the beginning of your friendship but he never opened up enough to form another type of relationship with you. So when you confessed to him, he felt so many things at the same time.

He was happy that you felt the same way as him, mad he didn't know about it sooner but mostly, he felt scared, your friendship was so important to him that he didn't want to ruin it by dating you. What if you two broke up later? How could you still be friends?

That fear made him turn you down, he regretted it the moment you walked out of the cafe you were meeting up and in a certain way, he did ruin your friendship, since you didn't speak to him after that day and he couldn't bring himself to contact you too.

He knew Seojin was the one who pulled this stunt of putting you together in the same room, she always loved to play cupid. He just didn't expect he would like the situation so much, he missed you a lot, more than you could ever imagine.

Seojin was waiting for him at the lobby, she wanted to go for a walk and talk, to settle some little things about his role in the wedding.

"Finally, you're here!" She smiles, squeezing him in a hug and he does the same.

"Did you wait long?" He asks.

"Nope, I just had lunch with Y/N", she answers, eyeing Minho and waiting for his reaction to the mention of your name, he chuckles.

"So, did you have to put us in the same room?" He asks, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms. Seojin smiles, giving him puppy eyes.

"If I didn't you wouldn't speak to each other, I'm sure of it", she huffs.

"I would try talking to her, you know that"

"Yeah, but she'd probably run every time, that's why I had to go to this extent", Seojin starts walking and Minho follows her.

"I guess you're right", he says, tucking his hands in his pockets.

"Didn't you regret turning her down? I know you like her too"

"It doesn't matter if I regret it or not, she hates my guts now"

They walk for about five minutes before Seojin takes a deep breath and starts talking again.

"I know I shouldn't meddle into this but you're both my best friends so I feel like I have the right to intervene when you're just being dumb", Minho glares at her, "I'm sure she still likes you, Min"

Do you, though? You can't even look him in the eyes. You don't want to talk to him. He wants to believe in what Seojin is saying but he's afraid he lost his chance with you.

When he sees you almost bawling your eyes out because of the dress, he knows he has to do something, anything for you.

"So, I called someone I know that lives here in the island with her family and her grandma is a former tailor, she wants to check the dress and see what can be done", Minho says, looking at you sitted by the bed, your hands gripping the ruined dress.

You get up in a jump, wrapping your arms around his neck and squeezing him.

"Thank you so much, Min, I don't even know how to repay you", you realize too late how close you two are from each other. Stepping aside, you give him a sheepish smile, mumbling a "sorry"

He clears his throat, turning around and walking to the door, trying to hide the blush in his face.

>>>

Seojin held the position of the most beautiful woman you've ever seen… until now. You're seeing Minho's friend but she doesn't look real, she's so gorgeous that for a moment it looks like she's walking in slow motion.

What takes you out of your haze is the awkward interaction between them. Minho said she is someone he knows but are acquaintances close enough to ask for favors? And the way they are interacting tells you they're not friends either.

She's smiling at Minho and he's just there, nodding, there's not a single glance of affection in his behavior. He's not like this, sometimes he may seem cold and a bit mean, but he's the sweetest with the ones he likes, you know that because you used to be one of them.

"So, I'm Mina", she looks at you with a big smile and you greet her, telling your name. "Is this the dress?" She asks, looking at your garment bag.

"Yes, thank you so much for accepting to help", you say and she chuckles.

"Anything for Minho", she looks at him with a smile and you feel your chest ache even though he keeps a straight face.

She leads you into the house, it's a beautiful traditional construction. Her grandma is waiting in the living room and she asks Mina to make some tea while she looks at the dress.

"Can you help me bring the things?" She asks Minho and he nods.

The old lady is very nice, she tells you about her years of experience as a tailor and how she had to fix absolute disasters in her days, so your case will be easy peasy, she just has to replace the zipper with a new one.

"Give me half an hour", she reassures you with a smile and then looks around, "can you go see why my granddaughter is taking so long?" She asks and you nod, getting up and following a path you think leads to the kitchen.

"Does she know about us?" You hear Mina's voice and stop in your tracks, you shouldn't eavesdrop, right? Then why can't you move? Your heart starts beating so loudly you're not sure you'll be able to hear his answer.

"Let's not talk about that while she's here", Minho asks, sighing. "I'll meet you when you come to Seoul and we can talk"

You can't breathe. So they are not just friends, you feel dumb. Of course Minho would like a supermodel like her, even though you are beautiful you can't really compete with that.

You go back to the living room. You can't look at their faces after what you heard, is it immature? Yes, but it's not a secret that you're not over Minho and listening to him, thinking about him meeting with another woman just makes your heart break again, even though you thought the pain you were feeling would end after he rejected you last year.

"Are you alright?" He asks when he sits by your side, smiling slightly at you and you nod awkwardly.

Would you have gotten over him already if he just had said you are not his type? He just said he couldn't be more than friends with you, was he trying to be nice?

The old lady refuses to get paid for fixing your dress, she says it was so easy it shouldn't even count as a service, in return she asks you to come by again when you're in Jeju because she liked you. You thank her again, saying your goodbyes and walking to the car while she asks Minho for something only a man can do, since her son is not home yet.

You put the dress in the backseat of the car, finally breathing relieved.

"So you're the one I should thank", you're startled by Mina's voice behind you.

"Oh, for what?" You ask, turning around with a hand on your chest.

"For bringing Minho here", she smiles sadly and you frown. "I guess he didn't tell you", she says.

"I know that you're a thing or something like that", you say, is she trying to rub it in your face? Is she feeling threatened?

"Oh", she laughs, "no, we are not a thing"

"I don't understand, then", you say, trying to not smile, feeling a weight being lifted out of your chest.

"We dated a few years ago, but I did something terrible to him, I know he hated me after that", she sighs, "I've been trying to meet him for so long to apologize but he never gave me the time of day, so imagine my surprise when he willingly called me to ask for a favor", she smiles, "I guess you must mean a lot to him"

You feel your heart sink, did he really do that for you? You don't know what she did, but you know Minho doesn't forgive someone easily and he surely doesn't like to owe a favor to someone that did something bad to him.

"Anyways", she says awkwardly after you stare at her without saying a thing, "thank you, I hope you make him happy", she smiles, nodding to you and heading back.

Make him happy? Does she think you two are together? Did she notice you were jealous?

So many questions and no answer at all. You snap out of your thoughts when the gate to the house is closed with a loud noise. Minho walks to you, opening the door.

"Are you not getting in?"

You don't speak much on your trip back to the hotel, your head is just so full of thoughts you don't think you'll be able to form a sentence if you try to speak. Besides that, it's almost time for your outing with Seojin and the other bridesmaids, Minho's also in a hurry so you guess he has something planned with Jeonghan and the groomsman as well, so you both run to your room to get ready.

You're the first to shower since you'll take longer to dress up. You don't take too long, letting Minho go in while you do your hair and makeup in the wall mirror in the bedside.

You put on a tight navy blue dress, it's long enough to cover your ass but not enough to make it proper.

Minho comes out of the bathroom already dressed, he's wearing a white button down that looks heavenly as if it was made just for him and jeans that just embrace his toned thighs.

"You can take a picture if you want", the smirk on his lips makes you scoff, taking you out of your state of haze.

"Well, it's no secret that you're handsome", you point out, "I did fall in love with you after all"

Minho stops in his tracks, he did not expect you to bring that up. Do people that still have feelings for the other joke about it? He wants to believe he still has a chance, but the way you act, so nonchalantly, makes him insecure.

"You're pretty too", he says, ignoring your remark.

"Not as much as Mina", your voice sounds more bitter than you meant it to be, "she's really gorgeous"

You turn around, picking up your purse, you don't want him to see your face full of contempt and jealousy. You walk out of the room, not waiting for his answer, cursing yourself till you get to the lobby to find your friends.

There's nothing like a girl's night out to take all your worry away. You drink, flirt with strangers, play games, take a tour around Jeju eating delicious foods, go to karaoke and walk by the beach.

Around midnight the bridesmaids take a taxi back to the hotel but you and Seojin want to drink more and have more fun since it's her last day as an unmarried woman.

The fresh air of the beach sobers you up, you're still a bit dizzy, but not as wasted as before. Your friend is worse than you, she's stumbling and laughing at nothing.

"I love you so much", she says, grabbing your face and cupping your cheeks, "you know that, right?"

You chuckle, putting your hands over hers.

"Of course I know, and I love you too", she smiles, stumbling and falling down on the floor.

"My butt", she whines, caressing her sides.

It seems like she's too wasted now, it's time to go back. You call Jeonghan, asking him if he can come pick you two up by the beach and as the gentleman he is, he didn't drink because he knew his fiancee would get too drunk to even walk and need someone to pick her up. You laugh at his answer and wait for him, it's good to know Seojin will have someone to take care of her like that.

You all were friends in college and you love Jeonghan, but you were always closest to Seojin. She came up to you and asked to be your friend on the first day of school when you were all alone since you didn't know anyone in the city, much less in that university.

You stare at the waves in the ocean, it's really calming to feel the breeze and the sound of the sea.

"My love", Seojin screams, looking behind you. She gets up and runs before you can help her. You turn around to find Jeonghan and Minho coming in your direction. Seojin jumps into her fiance's arms, giggling and kissing his face.

"Are you alright?" Jeonghan asks her and she nods frantically, mumbling 'better now' while resting her head on his shoulder. He looks at you with a brow lifted, questioning and you chuckle, nodding.

"What about you?" Minho asks and you roll your eyes, walking in a straight line to prove you're fine but your body betrays you and you trip on your own feet. You don't fall since Minho wraps his arms around your waist holding you. Why do his hands feel so good on you, when he's holding you? Why must you still feel this way after being rejected? Don't you have any pride left? Those ungodly reflexes he has are annoying sometimes, you'd rather he'd let you fall face first on the sand.

"Are you sure?" He asks, a judging look in his face.

"Yes, I'm sure", you say, stepping away from him.

Maybe you're still a little bit tipsier than you thought.

He glances at Jeonghan and he shrugs, they take you and Seojin to the car, securing you two on your seatbelts. The trip back is noisy, unfortunately Seojin is not a sleepy drunk, she gets even more energetic in her intoxicated state. So she tells Jeonghan and Minho about everything you did during your outing, every detail, even that three guys tried to take you home after you drunk flirted with them.

You give your goodbyes in the lobby, since they are staying in another wing of the hotel. You and Minho go to the elevator and you notice he's drunk too, he tries to hide it, but he keeps stumbling and has to lean on the elevator's wall to keep standing.

"I think you're much prettier than Mina", he blurts out of nowhere and your head snaps at him, a frown in your face. "You didn't let me finish earlier, I was going to say that you're the prettiest girl in the world for me"

The doors to the elevator open and he walks away, like what he just said didn't leave you completely lost. You feel your heart beat faster, following him to your room and leaning on the door after you close it, staring at him while he walks around the room.

Your mind is full of thoughts, why is he always so nice to you? You suddenly have the preposterous urge to tell him again you're in love with him, it must be the alcohol, but maybe you need him to tell you he doesn't like you in that way, maybe if you're humiliated one more time you'll be able to let him go.

"You shouldn't be nice to me", he looks at you, brows furrowed in confusion, "if you do I'll cross the line you drew last year", you stumble a bit, trying to get to him and he holds you. "I'll kiss you if you don't stop me", you say, noticing how close you're from each other.

Minho doesn't say anything, his head is spinning a bit and he's sure you're bluffing. He's so wrong, though. He realizes that only when your lips come crashing on his, he doesn't even have time to process what's happening before you push him away, stepping aside.

"I-I'm sorry", you say, 'of course he won't reciprocate', you think.

However, contrary to your expectations, he wraps his arms around your waist, pressing his hand on the small of your back and pulling you back to his embrace, kissing you. His lips are soft and his movements are rushed like he's been waiting to do that for a long time.

Maybe you're just dreaming while awake, it's impossible for him to be kissing you, right?

You wake up feeling your head hurting like crazy, your mouth is dry and you feel sick. Suddenly what happened comes crushing in, did you actually kiss Minho? And the most important part, did he reciprocate? You can't remember, the last thing that you recall is kissing him but everything after that is just a blur.

You look around the room, trying to find him and when you realize he's nowhere to be seen, you can only draw one conclusion. It seems you've been rejected once more.

It's okay, now you feel like you can get over this crush, you two didn't have a future anyway. You want to cry, you really do, but you can't show up to your friend's wedding with puff eyes and you don't want to stay in this room for long, you don't want to meet him again until the wedding. So you grab your dress and the things you'll need and take it to the bridal suite.

Minho is happy, you still like him after all. After you two kissed you fell asleep, he tucked you in bed and watched you. You were always a sleepy drunk, when he's more like Seojin. He feels energetic until the exhaustion hits him.

He wakes up early, to grab some coffee and hangover medicine for you two, but when he comes back waiting to find you awake, you're nowhere, your things are not there either. Did you regret kissing him? Maybe you just wanted to feel something familiar with him. No, he's not going to let these intrusive thoughts make him assume things, he needs to talk to you.

And he would, if you answered his calls or his texts. He freaks out even more when his phone buzzes with a bunch of texts.

>>>

You're trying to distract yourself, telling stories about your college times with Seojin to the other bridesmaids and helping the bride relax before her big moment. You don't want to tell her about the whole thing with Minho, you don't want to turn her big day into a drama about yourself.

She keeps frowning while looking at the phone, the ceremony is going to start in less than thirty minutes so it's understandable that she's nervous.

She looks at you with desperate eyes.

"The wedding planner just texted me saying there is something wrong with the menu, can you check it for me?"

"Of course, I'll be back as soon as possible", you smile reassuring her. It's weird though, you went through all the details with the staff before meeting with Seojin.

You walk to the kitchen, looking for the wedding planner and finally finds her talking to the waiters.

"Hey, what's wrong with the menu?" You ask the older woman and she looks at you, confused.

"What do you mean?" She asks, "there's nothing wrong"

You frown, looking around. Seojin clearly told you the wedding planner was the one to report the issue, so it's impossible for her to not know about it.

"Hm, Seojin told me there was a problem?!"

"She must be confused, honey, brides get really stressed, maybe she read some of my texts wrong", she tries to reassure you and you nod, not really buying it. Seojin is a perfectionist, she wouldn't make this kind of mistake. But if the wedding planner is telling you there's nothing wrong then there's nothing you can do about it.

You walk back to the bridal suite, twenty minutes till the ceremony. When you open the door there's no one else there, where did they go? You look around trying to find someone but they're not even in the dressroom. The door opens behind you and you turn around ready to ask where's everyone, when you see Minho closing the door.

He stares at you for a few seconds, waiting for your reaction.

"Did you regret kissing me?" He asks, taking a few steps towards you.

"What are you talking about?" You say, trying to sound nonchalantly even though you want to cry just by looking at his face.

"You kissed me, you should take responsibility", he gets closer.

You feel your throat dry, taking a step back.

"You're the one who left me by myself", you mumble.

"I just went out to buy meds for us, why did you assume things?"

"Of course I'd assume things, you rejected me once, why wouldn't you do it again?" You point out, feeling angry and your answer feels like daggers being shot at him.

He takes a deep breath, grabbing both your hands and holding it close to his chest.

"There's not a day I don't regret turning you down that time", he sighs, "the truth is that I liked you since the first time I saw you but I couldn't ruin our friendship and I was so scared that I wouldn't be enough for you, like I wasn't enough for her"

You know about who he's talking about and want to kick him for even thinking you're anything like Mina, but most you want to punch her in the face, she broke his heart and left him in crumbles.

"I would never do anything to hurt you", you whisper, he's so close to you know, you can feel his breathing hitting your face.

"I know, I was scared that time and I'm still scared", he lifts your hand to his lips, "but if you give me one more chance I promise I'll be better, no one's gonna love you more than me and I'll always be there for you"

You waited for this for so long you're not even sure if it's happening.

"Can you pinch me?" You ask and he smirks.

"I can bite", he slides his hands to your waist, getting closer and giving a peek to your lips, biting your lower lip, making you shiver.

"Now I know it's real", you say, staring into his dark eyes.

"Should I take this as a yes?" He asks and you nod.

"I have been yours ever since I met you, there's not another answer but yes when it comes to you"

He smiles, the brightest smile you ever seen on him, then he kisses you, and he wants you to remember this one for the rest of your life.

Walking down the aisle with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen, arms linked with Minho's while exchanging knowing smiles, you can't help but imagine if one day it's going to be you two there. Minho on the other side is already planning how he's going to propose, because he's absolutely sure next time it's going to be you in a wedding dress and him waiting patiently for your hand.

[blackbird5154]

I've been quite thoughtful in the last months of how I engage with my hyperfixations, and especially with my current love for Terzo, because I have now understood the reason why I love him so much...

But essentially it's a very complicated thing.

Because reading also the opinions on Tumblr (such as yours), I see that with many fans we have a point in common: that is, that in him we see a symbol of hope.

For me, but also according to the lore itself, he's a man who has faced a lot in his life; and yet he managed to embrace its dark sides and face them, becoming the Satanic Pope that we all know and love.

So, according to my terribly parasocial logic, I see him as a person who would be able to give me comfort in difficult times, because he would know how it feels.

Because he is, even in appearance, mature and elderly.

Mature above all because life has made him this way.

I am honestly very pessimistic in these moments, starting from the last few years.

And if I got a tattoo inspired by Cirice, because that song came on the radio precisely in a difficult moment (a day coming back from the psychologist) and before the reports of war and suffering increased.

As much as I'm obsessed with it, it brought me so much happiness to be in this fandom. Also seeing in Terzo a comfort character, if I may say so.

I see myself in him, that's why I love him so much and I wanted to do a tribute on my skin ���

Terzo is a very good guide in difficult moments. You're right, his image combines optimism with a knowledge of the dark sides of life, from the Peter Bebergal's promo and music videos to the complex improvisational character that is embodied on stage.

Terzo has always epitomized for me the strength and willingness to stand up for good things while fighting bad things. He seems like the kind of person who always broke into the thick of things and was never afraid to look difficulties in the face. He cared for those who were weaker and didn't think about whether the danger was comparable to his own abilities. He followed his heart and led people.

About hope. A friend of mine, who doesn't know Ghost well but knows of my fascination with Terzo, once told me a dream she had. It cited obituaries for all the deceased Papas. The obituary for the Third had text whose meaning could be summarized in one word: HOPE. Apparently, it's something that's in the air. And you don't even need to know lore well to feel it.

War is an event that makes a lot of people show the worst sides of their nature. Sometimes, when you look at it, it feels like the world is going to hell and people are turning into monsters. Life turns on you with its ugly side. Even if you're not directly involved, just watching from the sidelines. ESPECIALLY if it affects you directly. But that doesn't mean the world has gotten worse. It's just that it turned his ass on you.

There are two sides to the song Cirice. On the one hand it's about a moth that flies into a deceptive light. On the other, it's about a man who reaches out his hand. Like in the photo I recently reblogged, he reaches out and says: I know this darkness, I will lead you through. I also have a moth symbol in the form of a neck pendant. Depicting it on your body is an even more powerful step. I'm glad if it makes you feel like your supporting character is always with you.

Stay strong. We're not alone 💜

[cryinginblaseball]

Okay so my other blorbo: Eugenia Garbage

I often say Eugenia is a perfect character. What I mean by that is I love who she is, and what she is. She was one of the first players I imprinted on in Blaseball. My first ever message in Orb Corner (Talkers' general chat) was "I think it was Eugenia." She was one of our most consistent sluggers. She was a fun player to watch, and she had one of the first Blaseball chant's I remember: Garbage Day! (yes, and THAT gif went with it, but the one below is my favorite)

(Eugenia would like the trash everywhere uwu)

Eugenia became one of the team's signature players, a status that was bolstered by Eugenia staying on the team for all 24 seasons, except for that 15 minutes when she was a Shoe Thief. Seriously, the Charleston Shuffle was amazing. Eugenia feedbacked to the Thieves for Lachlan Shelton, a season 3 Talker, and then back to the Talkers for Simon Haley. Lorewise, when Lachlan asked why she did that, she tells him, "You needed to come home."

And that's Eugenia. Eugenia is the embodiment of that Talkers' team chat rules: Be Gross, and Be Kind. She loves everyone on her team. She likes to make people feel better by finding things in the trash she knows they'd like. She gives out Garbage Cards, which are greeting cards with the non-relevant parts crossed out and her own messages written in (this was @mossy-kit's idea). And here's the thing: she could absolutely be a mean piece of shit.

See, Eugenia is made of trash. Literally made of things people did not want anymore. She could be bitter about it, she could push people away, like she was pushed away. But she also broke off from the garbage hive mind because she wanted to be a person. I like to think in the first few seasons she was still just sentient garbage slime.

[text id:

“You were loopier back then,” Greer said softly. “It felt like they had found you in a trash can and were trying to decide what to do with you.”

“I mean, that’s pretty much what happened,” Eugenia said.

“You never had the same shape twice, and it didn’t seem like you had a grip on English yet. And sometimes you got all weird and just piled yourself in the corner of the dugout until it was your turn to bat.”

“I didn’t know how to be a person yet,” Eugenia said, somehow still as effervescent as ever. 

There's four panels of a comic. The first is Eugenia, a pile of slime wearing a jersey and a goofy smile, sitting in the corner. The second is of Tyler Violet, a sea urchin person, saying Eugenia, You're up! The next panel is greer lott sitting on a bench watching Eugenia scoot across the floor. Eugenia is saying "Eu-Eu-Eu-Eugenia" and in the next panel she's moved further along, saying "b-b-b-b-bat."

End text ID]

(scene from My Garbage Champion)

Eugenia wanted to be a person. She wanted to be around people. So she worked really hard at becoming a person, and specifically a girl. And she loves being a person so much! She has friends and an apartment when she's not staying with her partner, Ziwa Mueller, and she has a team that's weird like her and she loves them for that!

I don't think she's the smartest Talker, but I do think she's the most observant, having watched people trying to learn how to be a person forever, and I think she's the most emotionally intelligent of all the Talkers.

We don't outright talk about her shape shifting a lot. She can do it, but she's really settled on two forms: one is the original slug-like form designed by Avery Helm, and the other is a cute slime girl, designed by Lily.

(she was not good at skating)

One of the details that always gets me was, as the Expansion Era went on, after Ziwa got feedbacked to the Magic, she started having trouble holding her shape. It breaks my heart every time I see it. She worked so hard to be a person, and the emotional toll Blaseball was taking on her was making it harder and harder to do so.

She's this perfect character. She made herself who she wanted to be. She's kind and sweet and she smells bad but her hugs are so good that you barely notice. Even when everything is bad, she still finds a way to be kind. She's made of love and trash and dingers.

A few things:

We were very protective of her. During Grand Siesta the Lovers had a dating event: send over your most beloved player and they'd set them up with a Lover. We sent over ours: Eugenia. We were kind of kidding, but when the Lovers set her up with the Meat Cute, it turned out we were way more serious than kidding. The general attitude became, "Oh she's not good enough? Well we're going to make her the cutest goddam player on the field!" And we did!

(I want to make it clear that this is all water under the bridge, we're not mad at the Lovers. I think this was a misunderstanding of a sort of joke with unclear intentions)

Mossy Kit came up with the idea that she's an artist, and loves to paint. I love that idea so much.

I had her become secret best friends with Greer Lott fairly early on, because I liked the idea that she made Greer feel things. They're cute together, whether Greer wants her for a friend or not (she does. She desperately does).

I also have her being friends with Hobbs Cain and Richmond Harrison, called the Nightmare Club, from this story: Hobbs Cain's Wednesday Night Nightmare Club, which I think is my best fic.

Imma do fics in a seperate post.

I've been sad about Blaseball lately

You should tell me about your Blaseball blorbo, especially if they aren't one that's well known. I mean, I wouldn't mind if you want to tell me why you like Jessica Telephone or Mike Townsend or PolkaDot Patterson anyway. But I especially want to hear if you have a guy (gn) that's constantly rotating in your mind.

[blueaetherr]

angst w john where he and the reader get into a big fight but it ends kinda cute..🫶🫶

love, my (infrunami)

pairing: john stones x gn!reader [they/them]

warning(s): none

summary: the one where john realises that his lover has been right in front of him this whole time

now playing: infrunami by john stones

He said one wrong thing, and the argument began. He said some things, they said some things, unpleasant and unfiltered words becoming common in the conversation. There was a lot to be said and neither refused to hold back. Then John said it and suddenly, he could only hear himself. It was crazy how fast your choice of words could ruin the relationship.

"I don't think we should be together anymore."

There was a bit of confusion in the room. From Y/N, from John. They waited on him, patiently looking on at John to explain his words but his silence remained as loud as their own.

"Okay then," Y/N bit down on their lip, nodding. "I just don't understand. Where did all of this come from?" They didn't understand where this energy came from, the switch was so sudden. But that was okay. If he no longer liked them like that then they couldn't change how he felt about them. He seemed so certain yet unsure but they wouldn't argue it. They refused to. There was no point in fighting for a one-sided relationship. At least some reasoning and understanding were needed, something to ease the blue heart.

"I... I—I don't know." John couldn't find his words. He had them indeed, in his thoughts and feelings. But he didn't want to say anything out loud. He saw it all and more. The tears threatening to fall, the shaken expression, the nervous ticks. So much pain and sadness and confusion fell on Y/N's shoulders all at once. A heart was breaking because of him—he was essentially a heartbreaker, and he didn't want to add to it. "I'm sorry."

Y/N sniffled as they wiped their nose, exhaling a low breath. "It's okay." Even in heartbreak they were calm and collected in how they felt, something they did to reassure John that they were okay.

And the two went their separate ways, with dignity and respect. Though it didn't feel like it to John. It was hard to not think about them. Remaining friends, he saw Y/N everywhere. They were always there. At his matches, helping him with recovery, crossing paths through mutual friends. After everything that happened, John and Y/N remained friends. It was all love from them to him. They were his friend way before they were his lover.

There was a lot to love about Y/N and John failed to see a lot of that before the relationship even existed. Only did he witness a whole lot of that when the two fell apart.

They were the embodiment of his favourite poems, anything that held words, feelings and thoughts. They personified everything he wanted to feel, the good and the bad of it all, felt alone or together with another. Today, yesterday and tomorrow were his favourite days with them. They got along with everyone around them. John thought Y/N was nothing less than magnificent and amazing and whole. And this was only half of it all. 

When it was John and Y/N, all was complete. He was complete. But when it was simply John, he felt left without, apart. Withdrawn from, lacking in more than less—anything that could be John and Y/N. 

Sitting under the dim lights in his back garden late at night, John turned to Y/N, saying, "I've been thinking—"

"You've been thinking..." Y/N let out a scoff, shaking their head. They let their voice dip as their sight wandered out to the sky. "Sounds just like you." John was always the pensive one in the relationship. Always in his thoughts, in his feelings. Sometimes drifting through the unreal and it became hard to get him back into reality when he was really into it.

"Have you thought about us since we broke up?" He saw the mood visibly fall from Y/N's face but he expected it. With the way the two ended and all the time that has passed, why would Y/N want to talk about it all now?

"And why would I do that?" Y/N cocked their head to the side, eyeing John. "I remember you being so sure that there was nothing left to this relationship." Time had passed since the two broke up and Y/N remained hurt from it all. That didn't mean, though, that they would cling onto John as if everything would fall back into place. How could you wait for someone to come back when they were so sure of never returning? Not because they couldn't, but they simply didn't want to. John made it so clear that he didn't want to return to the relationship.

"I think I was wrong. I know I was wrong, Y/N," John said.

They turned their focus back on John, folding their arms. "Where did this switch come from, John? What changed? Was it me? 'Cause that wasn't my intent." No longer were they heartbroken, but the relationship was still something that they always came back to. What did they do wrong? Why did it really end? John never gave them peace of mind with the way the two ended.

"No, no, no. You didn't, actually." He tried to reach for their hand but they pulled away. He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. Fair enough, I guess. He removed his hands from his face. "I thought I fell out of us and ending the relationship felt like the right thing to do. And it was but I made you think it was all your fault when really it was all on me, and for that I'm sorry."

"I know I've gotten so much wrong so I'm just trying to make rights here if you would like that." John took in a small breath and let his focus fall solely on Y/N. "I want to start over, Y/N. Make some amends between us, get myself right with you. You might not want to... and that's okay, I'll understand. I get it. But if you ever want to, I'm here."

There was some relief in getting everything off his chest. It might all just backfire yet John was content with getting everything straight, offering some understanding that Y/N should have gotten time ago. He wanted to get another chance with Y/N if they allowed it, of course. If they refused to give him another chance, that would be okay. And if they did then that would also be okay; either choice would be understandable from every single angle of things. 

He knew that maybe he was asking, even begging, a lot from Y/N. To hear him out for his wrongs in the relationship, to forgive him, to start again with a new relationship. But John simply couldn't resist the idea of getting Y/N back. The idea of not even trying pushed him to do the exact opposite. He missed everything about them. That was all he wanted, all of Y/N. In the relationship and the friendship. 

Their smiles, their laughs, their company, their humour, the list was endless with Y/N. And the crazy thing was Y/N was always there; the break-up killed the relationship yet never did they go astray from John. Never was there a mystery in Y/N. They had always been in front of him. The thing was John had been too blind to see all of them for what they were, and that's how the relationship fell off.

But John was ready to build it all up again, if he was given the chance.

His hand was open and ready to take but Y/N took their time, brows pulling together. They were hesitant about this. They were potentially fooling themself, going back to the same person who let their heart turn blue, going back to the person who couldn't organise their thoughts. A change in actions wasn't a guarantee and they knew that well.

But it also wasn't impossible. Y/N never fell out of love with John. In fact, John never fell out of love with Y/N. It was simply a situation of misplaced and unspoken feelings and thoughts. In truth, John and Y/N were inevitable. The two were bound to one another in the name of love that ran very, very deep.

Y/N let their hand slip into his own, fingers interlocking. It was then that they let themself fall into his embrace. John was simply too much comfort for them to pull away. "You know how to say sorry a lot, you know."

[abednadirsgf]

Favourite season of community and why?

I'd probably say s3. It had some of my favourite episodes of all time but also broke my heart along the way. We had 'Remedial Chaos Theory' and a start of the 'Darkest Timelime' subplot and I absolutely loved the utter chaos. We had Annie move into apartment 303 and a start to the best trio of Annie, Troy and Abed!! We had The Dean go batshit crazy over a commercial and Jeff losing himself and have his inner baldness awaken. Abed as Batman again, Shirley having made Jeff piss himself as a kid, the study group being possessed by Glee, Britta fell in love with an embodiment of Subway goddammit. We had 'Basic Lupine Urology' and Troy had the swaggiest tie of spiderman. We had the riot over Starburns' funeral and the lead up to the Chang Dynasty. We had Goth Britta and Rockstar Jeff!!!!

There was so much to this season and I would probably say it was the peak of Community and its writing.

But there was also so much heartbreak. 'Pillows and Blankets' was utterly devastating. To watch Troy and Abed have that massive fight and say such hurtful things to each other destroyed me. And when Annie rewired the Dreamatorium and Abed was forced to rewire himself was just - I can't even put into words how I felt [I really don't think Annie would've ever done that though - she's been friends with abed for years and lived with him long enough to know him. I just felt like that epsiode was so out of character for Annie. maybe s1 Annie would've done that but definitely not Annie in s3]

S3 was a rollercoaster and a half. It was incredible though. And I really loved how we got more Chang centric episodes. I hope they include Chang so much more in the movie bc I personally want his character more fleshed out than just for comical reasons and 'oh look it's Chang, he's going crazy again, oh well' and I just feel we should have more Chang apreesh.

Hope this was a satisfactory answer! what's your favourite season?

[everafterkeiji]

Song: Certain Things by James Arthur

Summary: When the setter's decision led him to a war with his heart.

Pairings: Keiji Akaashi x fem! reader

Word count: 5.3k

Genre: angst

A/N: i used to listen to this song nonstop and it just suited how sad this is so no happy endings for this one🤺

"Keiji!"

You watch as she runs up to him, engulfing him in the sweetest hug you could ever imagine. How you envy the feeling of being welcome in his arms. His eyes soften at the sight of her, as she rambled on how amazing he was. He gives her his heart fluttering smile as he lets his palm set on her shoulder, kindly thanking her for watching and supporting him throughout the entire game.

Did your shouts of love become silent to him?

She grabs his towel, patting it lightly on his forehead as he blushes finding the gesture extremely embarassing for the girl he longs for to just wipe away his sweat. He tries to stop her but she insisted, even grabbing her water bottle and giving it to him, asking him to drink some water and rest.

"Hey hey hey- look at me please."

Bokuto says, coming from behind you. You turn to him with water baring eyes, a heartache eating you up with every second you continue to watch. Bokuto sighs as he pulls you in his arms, his chin resting on your crown, as he caresses your hair as you let out an agonizing sob. Bokuto sees the way Akaashi didn't bother to spare them a glance, as Akaashis overall being was captivated by the girl that was beside him. He coes her, whispering how he's got her and he'll never have the courage to let her go, the way the dark haired boy did.

"We won today yeah? Why don't we celebrate?" Bokuto tries to tone his voice in his usual cheery self but feels defeated when he sees her. Y/N looks up at him, he tenses up as he holds your head, an instinct that you were going to look again. You were mid way into letting your eyes land on them but Bokuto stopped you as he held your face in his palm, looking at you with an expression you were well familiar with.

"Y/N."

" 'Taro, shit I'm sorry!" You shouted before wiping away your eyes as his heart winces seeing his friend poorly attempt to regain the sunshine that she once was. Puffed cheeks, swollen eyes, red tinted nose, what a cruel sight yet she dared to cover all of these with a smile. It was disgusting how she made it look so believable, fooling almost everyone that witnessed her little facade. Bokuto falling for it countless of times but has learned to tell the difference every now and then, fitting in for the spot of her once best friend who knew exactly what she was truly feeling.

Akaashi would've read her like a novel he loved but it seems like it wasn't as timeless anymore.

It was now up to Bokuto to handle the shattered girl, even when her own broken heart pierced through her like a knife everyday.

"I-I know a good place to eat at! Maybe then I can treat you for being my favorite ace?" She offers with a sickening chuckle. She was achingly trying. He only gives her a smile, accepting her efforts of hiding how empty she felt. He lets his arm fall on her shoulders, comforting her with everything he can do.

"Oh! I'd like that, kind of like a double date huh? Seems like I get to treat my favorite setter too!" Akemi states, eyes darting towards Akaashi as he becomes flustered with her words. Bokutos eyebrow furrows, and with a pout he tries to insist that you didn't want her to accompany them, but you let your arm come before him as he questions your decisions.

"Sure! The more the merrier right, Ko?" Akemi claps her hand as she gathers her things, Akaashi doing the same. Bokuto takes notice of your longing gaze as he pulls you with him.

"So is that right? I'm your favorite?" Bokuto teases, as you laugh punching him lightly on his shoulder. He chuckles but was taken by surprise as you wrap your arms around his neck, standing on your tip toes to reach him. He immediately wraps his arms around your waist as you pat his hair, nuzzling your face in his neck as you smile, feeling gratitude for an amazing friend like him.

"You were fantastic earlier, I'm sorry for being so-" Bokuto cuts you off with a shout of triumph, making you confused as he pulls away. He wouldn't let her continue her sentence, knowing he couldn't stand hearing her blame herself for something she couldn't handle.

"Ah! What a starter! Thanks Y/N! No wonder I'm the best huh?" He shouts closing his eyes, putting his hands on his hips smiling to himself. You laugh, enjoying how it fed his confidence. Akaashi turns to the two of you watching how Bokuto oddly portray his muscles as you laugh loudly. Akemi smiles beside him, finding the duo quite suited for each other

"They should date! Bokuto makes her so happy!" She claims, as Akaashi blinks, shaking his head turning to meet her green eyes.

"She hates guy who shows off their muscles like that. She think's its a bit cocky." Akemi laughs at Akaashi, since what he said sounded like a known fact.

"Maybe everything can change when she's with him."

She states, making his eyes widen. Impossible. She can't just switch her words just because of Bokuto. He says to himself. Once he hears how genuine your laugh was and realizes that the ace was the cause of it, he stiffens at the thought of the you and the captain together. Akaashi was the one to introduce you to him so it was a surprise you two would come together like that, especially when he felt how Bokuto adjusted to you quite quickly.

"Ooh Y/N likes that color! Will you get it for her, Akaashi?!" Bokuto asks, pointing excitedly at a plush toy. Akaashis blue eyes turned to the location where the finger was pointed and he smiles seeing an immensely cute plush toy he knew you would love but this glee ends when he realizes that Bokuto managed to remember your favorite color.

"Bokuto-san, I'm impressed you knew what she liked." He said with an amused smile. The other boys eyes glimmered in the moonlight, remembering your past conversations with him.

"It's easy! Y/N always talk about many things and it's so freaking awesome. You've known her for the longest time right 'Kaashi? She's so cool." His words bring a smile to the setters lips, loving how Bokuto got along with you so well.

"Oh wait! Akaashi!"

"Yes, Bokuto-san?"

"Well! You've been with her since you were young right? So that means.. you like her!"

Akaashi coughs on his water looking at Bokuto. Bokutos cackle echoed through the air and his words consuming Akaashi's thoughts.

"I do like her but not romantically ok?" He defends, but Bokuto let's out a displeased scoff skipping ahead of the flustered setter. Happily moving knowing he's got him on a hot seat.

"That can change Akaashi!"

And it did.

For Y/N to watch Akemi casually serve Akaashi his food, it was like being tortured in a chamber or watching it to make your brain rot. They look perfect, she thinks. Bokuto was eating happily beside him, and setting aside how hurt she was, she chose to ignore the throbbing of her heart. Akaashi was in front of her as Akemi was in front of Bokuto. The two were in well conversation as Bokuto tried to gather your attention while he brings up how excited he was for a new move.

Dropping your chopsticks, you curse as you got out of your chair to bend down and reach it. Grabbing it in your hands as you look up to see a hand covering the sharp corner of the table. Your eyes follow it and realizing it was Akaashis hand, protecting you if you were to hit your head. This minimal effort was enough to set your soul on fire, admiring how he was able to act so quickly and composed. You return to your seat, Akaashi watching you steadily to make sure you were back. You give him a nod, thanking him for being observant as he smiles to you instead.

Just maybe.

You feel the rising heat on your cheeks as you sip water, hoping it were to ease your frantic heart. You observe Akemi, and painfully suck in the harsh truth that you couldn't deny. Everything that Akaashi has told you about his dream girl, the list of expectations he's had, it was all her. The embodiment of what Akaashi wants to hold, to love and to keep. You hear how her laughter sounded like gentle music, even her personality radiated nothing but sunshine.

All you can do was sigh, when a dream like her already has captured the heart of the young boy you grew to love.

She drops her phone, somewhat mirroring your actions beforehand. Akaashi turns to her immediately, as your heart took another strike seeing him mimic the same actions he had with you. Hand covering the edge, with a gentle hand on her back as she picks up the device leaving you stranded in strings of pain. She smiles at him, casually resting her hand on his as a thank you. Akaashi immediately blushes before placing his other hand on top, eyes lovingly holding onto hers.

The string of hope that you held on for dear life, immediately broke as you let the cup of water fall from your hands, taking an excruciating hit as you were brought back to the silent beating of your heart.

I'm certain that I'm yours.

Or at least I thought.

Bokuto calls your name multiple times as he frantically wipes the spillage of the water that was on the table and on your attire. You felt towels pat your lap gently as Bokuto still continued to put effort in grabbing your attention. Akemi looks at you concerned, worried for whatever thought that you had in mind was enough for you to completely lose your grip on reality.

"Y/N, hey!"

"I didn't think I'd be able to stay with you this long, Y/N." He says with a smile as you walk with him. It was early in the morning, both on your way to school. Coffee in both hands as you give him a pout, finding his statement in a different tone.

"You make it sound like you're unfortunate." You joke as Akaashi laughs beside you, sipping coffee before letting out a satisfied sigh.

"You've been with me even before I got in Fukurodani. I'm just really happy I've found somebody to turn to." You smile as your fingers brush against each other in which at the contact made you both blush. All the tension that was held in the moment was a bunch of unheard confessions, both unwilling to let them speak.

"I'm lucky I have you too, Kei."

"Seems like someone isn't technically happy of sharing the spotlight with me." Akaashi teases pointing at a very sleepy Bokuto who was walking up to you two.You giggle at the setter, while his blue eyes stayed on your smiling lips, relieved that it didn't fail to make him smile as well.

"Y/N."

A stern voice makes your gloomy eyes trail over to a pair of blue ones you were addicted to.

"Y/N? What's wrong with you? You made a mess." He says, completely knocking you off your limit. You stood up, hands on the table with your head down as Bokuto grunts knowing exactly what was bound to happen.

"I'm sorry Akaashi."

"That was reckless. You could've spilled it all over us, even Akemi-"

Bokuto winces when the name slips off of Akaashis lips as you hastily grab your wallet placing the money to Bokuto and mumbling a sorry before rushing to leave, tears falling from your tired eyes once you were out of the restaurant. Bokuto observes the way Akaashis eyes remained enlarged when it hit him how harsh he was. The captain wished that this worry of Akaashi would last long, since this was his first time seeing the setter show any concern for the poor girl in such a long time.

"Bokuto, will she be alright?" Akemi asks him, as he lets out a shrug of defeat. Akaashi bit his lip feeling the responsibility of his actions weigh on both him and the ace. He knew that Bokuto would never be able to comfort her the way he does, and reading her expressions when she left, reassuring her wouldn't be as easy.

Because he was the reason why she was hurting, not even realizing the damage has been done too many times already.

Your feet felt like weights as you ran, feeling the burn of guilt pass through you. On your way to pick up some snacks and refreshments for their match, a certain sight caught your eye leading you to your current decision.

"Yes thank you!" You say with a smile before, leaving the store with the things you bought. You rub your eyes, hating how early you had to catch a bus for their match. This was your only chance to watch them again since you avoided Akaashi for days, making Bokuto your company. You apologized dozens of times to Bokuto for leaving him in an awkward situation. Of course he forgave you, deciding to treat you to a movie instead to erase your worry.

Suddenly a familiar voice spikes up your interest, your head turning left and right to find Akemi. Instead, a tall man walks pass you carrying a bag that you've seen multiple times. You shrug, not wanting to lead to conclusions knowing how Akemi was genuine with her admiration for Akaashi.

"Haru-san!"

Akemi greets, arms wrapped around the waist of the man. You turn to see the two hugging and you gripped the plastic bag in your hands, as Haru places a gentle kiss on her forehead making you stunned even more.

"So where we going later?" He asks, as you lower your head, trying to control your breathing. This is impossible. How could she just lead him on like that! You despised how you weren't able to save Akaashi from the beginning, and now it was your turn to drop a heavy bomb on your best friend.

"We'll meet up later okay? I'll just attend my friend's match."

Friends.

You immediately walked away, weakened at what she just said. No matter shape or form, Akaashi would be hurt, completely. It hurt you that you'd have to see the painful expression on Akaashis face. You bit your lip, trying to avoid the look of dismay on your best friend. You let out a sad sigh as you began to pick up the pace in your walk.

Is it his turn to feel hopeless?

You've tried your best to avoid him. The tension being unresolved between the two of you yet you were happy Akaashi understood why you've created distance between you and him.

Knowing the two were inseparable, you were the one to adjust whenever Bokuto would be heading to practice or even going to lunch. Although, Akaashi gave you some space knowing his outburst completely set a different side to your friendship. You two have never really fought in such a way, he knew even if it was a small fight there was a distinct aura that surrounded the two of you. Beyond what happened, he knew you were facing some other problem that he was clueless of and him adding to your issues wasn't helping the both of you.

So whenever the dark haired boy saw you bid goodbye to Bokuto whenever he was on his way to approach the captain, it stung in his heart.

Akaashi sighs beside Bokuto. Koutaro was prepping himself up completely, pressing his palms to his cheeks. They were up to play soon and the blue eyed boy wonders if she would be able to make it back in time. While he wonders about you, his mind swerves to Akemi. He finds himself foolishly smiling at the thought of them holding hands at the restaurant so he looks at his phone, finding her contact and glancing at their photo.

Next to her contact was yours, which he was hesitant to tap on. He shuts off his phone before seeing Bokuto wave frantically with a smile on his face. Akaashi looks at you, eyes shining knowing you made it just in time to bid him goodluck and hopefully to clear up the quarrel. You felt your heart leap with every step, a war in your head in how you were going to tell him. Your hands tightened as you walk over to them, Bokuto patting your head showing how delighted he was that you were there. Akaashi wonders if you could even spare him a glance.

" 'Taro! I have your snacks but- promise me you'll be the best out there and maybe I'll treat you later!" You say as Bokuto punches the air, his mind in a frenzy at the scenario in his head of eating his favorite food.

You turn to Akaashi, shakily grabbing his arm as he stiffens at your sudden contact. He looks at your weary eyes as you desperately tried to calm down.

"Keiji, can we talk?" Why did you say it like that? He asks himself. His name has never sounded so troublesome before. He fidgets with his fingers as he trails behind you as you lead him to a more private place. You felt the shivers reach your body, immediately bringing coldness at how anxious you were. This was the first time in days where you two would be able to converse properly again.

As you make your way to a corner, Akaashis feet was tapping furiously, scared of what you were going to say. He waits for you to speak as he watches you take a deep breath as you hold his arm once again. Softer than before but it felt like a desperate touch.

"Kei- you do trust me right?" Akaashi nods immediately, lips frowning at the tone of her voice. Is she going to leave me? Please say no. He wanted to get this over with so he wonders if you were just going to rip off the bandaid and end the friendship even if he was willing to apologize multiple times. But then, how could you end it just because he was right about being reckless?

"Akemi- she has a boyfriend, Keiji-"

"You came.. to tell me this?"

"Akaashi- I-I know you like her but"

"God Y/N how could you.." Akaashi exclaims as you aggresively run your fingers through your hair, before grabbing his jacket trying to make him stay. He stands there in shock, as rage and envy flow through him overwhelming him in the process. His hands form a ball as it tightens quickly at the thought of how Akemi was just being nice all the time.

Akaashi looks at you only to find truth in your eyes but his heart betrays the both of you, now broken and in denial that the girl he adored was dating somebody that wasn't him.

"Akaashi, please listen to me! I don't want you to get hurt..believe me!" You pleaded, throwing away how hurt you were from the drastic change in his tone.

"Hurt? So you think you're being considerate then?" Akaashi questions her with spite in his tone. His demeanor towering over her as she crumbles at his voice. Akaashis heart coming back to the reason why it was guarded in the first place.

"Keiji.. you know that's not what I mean!" You defended yourself as Akaashi scoffs. It was mocking you how composed he looked yet the tone of his voice was laced with pure hatred. Deep down, Akaashi accepted the fact that he could never really win Akemi but he was blinded by the pain that you brought him.

"You're just jealous, Y/N. Stop lying." He continued, making you shake your head as you tried to grasp his jacket again but this time your hands barely touched the fabric making your heart gasp at how Akaashi was out of your grip.

"I didn't know you could pull off being a liar, and I don't see myself being a friend with a trait like yours."

The tears flowed down your cheeks as you let out a shakey breath, in disbelief at what he just said. I'm not lying, Akaashi. You promised me you trusted me.

"You said you t-trusted me, Akaashi! How could that change for you!" You shouted as he was brought back to Akemis words.

"Maybe everything can change."

"You promise I'll be okay?"

"I've got no reason to doubt you." He says smiling as you lean your head on his shoulder, tracing random lines and doodling away on his soft skin. Under the beautiful tree, with purple painted skies with clouds up above. After a stressful day on your side, the setter took notice of how you've let yourself fall onto your insecurities once again so he took it upon himself and brought you to a silent place to show you how you shouldn't worry about anything, comforting you with his kind words and him trusting you that would be able to regain your old self again.

"Certain things hurt and you're my only virtue." You confess as his heart spikes up its speed with your response. You sat up, gazing at the houses who seemed too tiny from your distance. You held your knees to your chest with lips formed in a relaxed state as you lean on your arm that was on top of your knee.

And I'm virtually yours.

Akaashi remained with his back on the grass as he admired your features wondering how you could ever put yourself down, when you took away his words whenever you were with him, hiding it perfectly and keeping his admiration far from you to avoid the continous breaking of his heart knowing he'd betray your beloved friendship.

I adore you, he thinks to himself as the only thing that reflected in his eyes were the girl he's lost to his wrong decision.

"You changed and it's disappointing. All because of jealousy? I've been with you for so long, how did you become selfish?"

Selfish. I must've been crazy then, you think. You let out a bitter chuckle, Akaashi frightened at this side of you you've yet to show him before. It was like poison consuming your body, in which the poison came in the form of his words.

"All I've ever been is selfless, god I even let you fall for someone else when I've been in love with you for years."

You took a step back as Akaashi stood where he was, feeling as if his feet couldn't leave the floor as he lets himself drown in your confession. He gulps as he was struck with regret since he had no idea how to respond to you. His eyes trail to the floor as he struggles to find the words.

Then the battle began, between in what he knows whose right for you and his heart who wanted no one else but you.

He was miserable. A side of him wanted to say how much he's waited for you to bid those words to him and claim that he's felt the same as you, but the other side wanted to badly decline knowing he was stuck in choosing you and Akemi. Akemi who has effortlessly tugged on his heart strings and gained it with her gentleness and beautiful personality, and you who's promised to stay forever and loved him longer than anyone else has.

Don't make me choose on who I love more.

He knew the time would come where his decisions would bare another heavy mark on him. He's already made a terrible one by putting his heart in the hands of Akemis instead of yours. He wishes there wasn't a deadline to this difficult decision, but to him it seemed like if he doesn't choose now, he'd feel the pain everyday.

"AKAASHI! LET'S GO!" Bokuto screams as Akaashi turns his eyes to you in a swift move, finding your eyes covered in tears but how come you looked like you felt nothing? You sniffle as you give him a warm smile, a reaction he didn't want to see knowing it wasn't a smile that could bring him joy.

"Goodluck, Akaashi."

He takes a step forward trying to capture you in his arms but Bokuto grabs him by the arm pulling him away from you, Bokuto saying goodbye to you as well and reminding you the promise you gave him. That moment, all that Akaashi wanted to was run and replace the silence he gave you. You deserved to hear what he truly felt, but his words were trapped as he still had to examine if he was choosing the right ones.

But he ran out of time.

-

The game starts and he prays for his performance to be at his usual best. Once Bokuto had the setter to himself, Akaashi couldn't hold back and told him what happened. Bokuto felt horrible for both of you, while feeling revengeful to Akemi since he too fell for her sweet gestures to Akaashi thinking that she actually liked him. Importantly, Bokuto badly wanted to be there for you. He knew how much you liked him so for you to confess so suddenly during your argument, it had the grey haired boy worried about you.

He couldn't blame Akaashi, as much as he wanted to. He acted in a way because he was suffering, but they didn't realize they both were. Though, he wished Akaashi could've treated her better, believed her. Bokuto believed her the minute Akaashi told him, and it was because he trusted her completely and she wouldn't speak out without a reason meanwhile Akaashi chose to hold onto denial.

And as they play, Akaashi looks over to the stands, searching for you when he came upon Akemis. The pretty girl with an arm wrapped around her shoulder as Akaashi loses the ball in his hands from the view.

"Akaashi, please listen to me! I don't want you to get hurt..believe me!"

"You said you t-trusted me, Akaashi! How could that change for you!"

Like the ball falling to the floor, his heart went along with it.

Scream. That's what he wanted to do. How absurd of him to get it wrong twice, there shouldn't even be any room for mistakes. I can't believe I lost her..again. Akaashi thinks. There was a painful ache in his heart, yet he couldn't set it free not wanting to let down the team. Especially in a match like this. He wanted to break, to land on the ground and let his consciousness scold him for hours. He deserved it. He should've learned but he was trapped inside a world where he thought Akemi would've been his everything, when he was blind to how powerful his love for you all this time.

Come back to me.

"Akaashi!" Bokutos hand reach his shoulder and all he could do was stare at a pair of blank eyes. Before the ace could ask what happened, Akaashi was clutching on to Bokutos jersey harshly taking the older boy by surprise.

"She was right." Akaashi utters as he points to the crowd making Bokuto squint just to find where Akemi was. Once he finds them, he sighs sadly before trying to come up with a response to cheer the boy up. It was obvious that Akaashi was too affected to perform properly. Lip quivering as if his world was destroyed twice.

"Doesn't that mean the only thing you can come back to is Y/N?"

Akaashi looks up to him, confused. Bokuto patted the boys shoulder with a soft smile.

"Look over there." This time, it was Bokutos turn to point to the other side of the stands to see you glancing over them. Akaashis eyes glimmered at the sight of you, like life was brought to him in an instant. Happiness couldn't be the only word to describe his emotions.

You were watching.

And he was going to win. Just for you.

This brings him a massive wave of energy, not digging into his thoughts. You smile wiping your heavy eyes seeing him back to his usual self. In his heart he was happy but a mistake shouldn't be rewarded by a smile.

Sticking to his promise, they won but an unfamiliar feeling sets in his skin making him stop in his tracks making Bokuto look behind him to see Akaashi with his hand on top of his chest and eyes straight to the floor. Bokuto grips the phone in his hand, biting his lip and looking down, his heart aching as well.

"Bokuto-san, where is she?" His voice cracks, a tear finally escaping his eyes. He lets out a soft sniffle looking everywhere for a trace of you. Bokuto just shakes his head as a response and Akaashis eyes widen as he harshly wipes away his tears with the sleeve of his jacket. Written in his lips and eyes, Akaashi was exhausted. At first, he thought that letting go of his emotions would be the answer but now he was letting them free yet he didn't wanna scream anymore. He already felt his throat dry at the realization.

"Doesn't that mean the only thing you can come back to is Y/N?"

You sank in your seat, numb to how wet your cheeks were from the continous flow of your tears. Your chest was heaving up and down but your eyes were already closed with tight lips pressed into a line. There were certain things you wish you could've done, but staying wasn't an option when you've gone through multiple battles already. This was the last straw.

Even if you did wanted to fight for him, would he do the same?

You let out a sigh as you open your eyes seeing the road and reminiscing on your last walk with Akaashi.

"What's her name again?" You ask, kicking a rock to the side before shoving your hands inside the pocket of your blazer. Akaashi smiles out of bliss at the thought of her smile and once you've got a glimpse of his expression, you question the drop in your heartbeat as you see him blush before fidgeting with his fingers.

"Akemi." He says, his heart beating loudly. Saying her name already brought the setter in touch with his emotions. It was unlikely for him to feel his heart flutter, but being around Akemi brought him to smile whenever she was there, get anxious to respond to her, and get a flush on his cheeks at the thought of her moments with him.

The name rings in your ears as you were greeted by the silencing beat of your heart. You watch as he turns to you since you've trailed behind him. You visualize how you've seen him with Akemi during lunch and that's when you knew.

It's never going to be me, is it?

"Let's go, Bokuto-san." Bokuto bit his lip, waiting for you to go to them and proving him it was all a prank.

"Akaashi-"

"She left already and I-" His voice breaks making Bokuto gaze at him in pain.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make her stay, Akaashi." Bokuto whispers. Akaashi drags his sleeve to his eyes again, hating how his eyes grew heavy with the tears that escaped his sorrowful blue ones. With a tragic wound embedded in his heart, he spoke.

"I couldn't either."

[bluebunnyears-08]

Woah…

So you're saying it's up to NINE to determine the ending, what he picks will affect EVERYTHING. Not just how the story will end, not just EVERY CHARACTER, but the fate of the WORLD, what's essentially the UNIVERSE lies in HIS hands, NOT Sonic's. Sonic can retrieve the shard, but it's up to NINE to fix them. It's up to Nine to determine their fates. Sure Sonic might be the overall protagonist, but there's a REASON WHY everyone states that Nine is the second protagonist.

Think about it, Sonic broke the world, but only Nine can restore it. Sure we might see things mostly from Sonic's perspective, but Nine's arc is VERY important as well (perhaps even MORE important than Sonic's, and I'll get to that) as it determines the fate of the WORLD we know and love, Sonic doesn't know how to restore it, but Nine can.

Sonic KICKED OFF THE PLOT, and Nine's actions determine HOW IT ENDS. They both play HUGE roles, and they're the only ones in the story with HUGE roles like this. I know we saw that Shadow might be important as well, but he didn't start the plot like Sonic did, nor can he resolve the main conflict of the world SHATTERING. And the other characters aren't as important to how the plot gets finally resolved.

Now I said that Nine might be even MORE IMPORTANT than Sonic, and there's a reason for that. Sure Sonic started it, and sure he's that leading character, but while he will develop, he can't fix the world like Nine seemingly can. Sonic BROKE the world, now it's up for Nine to FIX it. This might be a call back to the simple dynamic between the two, Sonic usually smashes Eggman bots, and Tails creates machines to aid and help them.

Sonic breaks what Tails fixes.

As for the need to extract the Prism energy from Sonic, again Nine might be the only one who can figure out how to do it without KILLING Sonic, unlike the council who could care less about whether he lives or dies. Because, well, Nine doesn't want Sonic dead for anything. I read some theories that Nine only used Sonic for the energy he has, for the Shards, and I strongly disagree.

I won't deny that Nine probably WANTS the shards, not because he's obsessed with them (like Thorn and Dread were), but because it can lead to a better future for him AND Sonic. Let's not forget he took SONIC with him to the Grim. Some people think he wants to build a world in his own image or that he doesn't need Sonic but again I disagree, maybe more HEAVILY. Nine wants a better world sure, but not in his own image, just one where he can have the things Sonic described to him: happiness, palm trees, love, care, and blissfulness.

I think Nine DOES need Sonic, but more emotionally. Sonic was kind to him, Sonic treated him like a FRIEND (something he NEVER had before), Sonic can bring out the more good side that still strives (albeit weakly) from within.

Sonic is his emotional crutch just like he was for Tails, but even MORE so.

Some things never change, even if they sometimes break your heart...

Nine isn't just an "emo" Tails, he's not just a variant. He's

VERY important the to plot.

While he's still a variant of Tails, he's more IMPORTANT and EXPLORED than the other variants and genuinely hard to read.

A broken, bitter, sardonic child with NOTHING and NO ONE to lose before he meets Sonic.

(If the theory that the characters were shattered as well is true) He's quite possibly the embodiment of Tail's EMOTIONAL NEED, PROTECTIVENESS, and possibly LOVE for Sonic.

This was an awesome post to read, and I hope you don't mind me sharing my opinions! I agree that Nine might be the key to ending everything, and he can't have a villain arc without a redemption arc because of that. But things might get worse before they get better, but he'll come around eventually (I hope...).

OH! NOT TO MENTION, NINE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO HARNESS THE SHARDS!!! He's DEFINITELY the key to EVERYTHING.

One last thing that establishes Nine to be EXTREMELY important and might be a MASSIVE foreshadowing. While Sonic went through space and everyone said their lines, he goes through the portal to New Yolk, and everything goes silent, seemingly being the last of the character's lines. The screen goes WHITE, and TAILS is the last one and ONLY one to speak when it DOES. What does he say?

"NOTHING could break our FRIENDSHIP, Sonic."

"If there's anyone who's got the brains to put back the prism, it's you."

"That's the first thing you've said that I agree with."

FIRJDHEBEHJFHF WHY AREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT THIS DIALOGUE EXCHANGE?!

The little canon hint that only Nine can figure out how to fix things. It'll be his choice that can change everything in the end. I don't think they'll be giving him a villain arc without a redemption arc if he's the only character who can fix things. Shadow cannot leave the void, CC are all villains, Sonic cannot touch the shards (though there's this wee bit plot point of him being able to harness the energy of the prism that he absorbed), everybody else doesn't understand the science or working of the prism, this leaves Nine. Extremely important character, this angsty little fellow.

Wait, hold on, Sonic has a bunch of Paradox energy inside him. The energy that hit him and he wasn't affected by like the others because he absorbed it. Wouldn't that mean he'd have to return that energy to fix his world? The energy he has is from the prism as it shattered, it belongs to the Paradox Prism. What if... The Prism needs the energy Sonic has to be whole again? The energy that CC had been trying to extract. How would that affect Sonic?

[otome-scribbles]

Radiance of Love: Asmodeus

I had seen him partying on a daily basis, new partners every 5 minutes.

Yet, his eyes, though beautiful, remained empty and hollow.

Asmodeus, who once held the Virtue of Love, was now the Avatar of Lust.

I decided it was up to me to make him feel loved and cherished, like his previous self, not to be used for sexual desires like his current self.

He deserves to be loved. He deserves love, as he was the literal embodiment of love.

Hey, I may be an idiot, but... we'll see how this works out.

************************************************

As soon as Asmo came back, he flung himself onto me. As usual.

But today something felt off......... despite reeking of sex and alcohol, he looked depressed.

He'd been weeping on my shoulder, as he is usually alone when he comes in after all his escapades.

"Asmo? Have a seat..... I'll clean you up....." I took him off to his massive bathroom, setting up the cleaning products on the counter.

"MC...... I....." he choked.

"Shh, Asmo. You don't have to say anything at the moment. Just.... ease up a bit, okay?" I smiled, nodding. "Take it easy. Okay, now which cleanser am I supposed to use for your face?"

He started pointing out which cleanser, toner, mask and moisturizer he needed to clean his face. I followed the instructions on the packaging and let him relax a bit. "I'm going to run a bath, all right?"

"Can we get....the lavender scented body wash?" He sounded hoarse, voice cracking at every word.

"Sure. After that, I recommend chamomile tea. It'll help you rest," I smiled a bit.

Honestly, I hated seeing this broken, vulnerable side of him, but it's still him, just.... not as confident as he usually is.

*************************************************

Here ends my days

Here starts my mornings

Here I will live and die

Here starts my pilgrimage

Asmo simply stared at this person in his room as they bustled around preparing his skin care routine and his bath.

Letting out a shaky breath, he stepped up behind them, wrapping his arms around their waist. "Thank you...."

They turned to face him, "You're welcome, Asmo. But-"

He proceeded to tell them his boring night, and how upset he'd been because.... he felt so alone.

"Only when you're around I can feel someone is close by....MC, you're the light in my life at this point."

***********************************************

My heart broke when he said this. Well,my turn now, to show him he deserves love.

"Well, Asmo. I'm glad you feel that way.... but I have a small surprise for you."

He frowned, "Surprise?"

"Yes, a nice one.... though it may pale in comparison to..." I pointed to the dozens of roses sent to him by his many admirers and lovers, both past and present.

"Show me?" He tilted his head, eyes glinting a beautiful shade of rose gold, champagne gold and pink.... I always have loved those eyes of his.

I opened the box, a small cake inside, his name written in the colors of his eyes.

".....IT'S SO CUTE!!!" He squealed, making me laugh. "I don't want to eat this!"

"If we don't then Beel will inhale it," I laughed.

"MC, thank you. Thank you for being such a good friend...." he sighed. "But....I wish we were more than just friends...."

"Well, Asmo. I'd love to be your partner, lover, significant other....and I know we will make our relationship work."

His eyes widened as I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"Now, would you like to tell me how your party at The Fall went?"I tilted my head, "You were quite upset when you came home."

"Well, it's just..... it's not the same without you," he admitted.

"Sure, I sleep around but.... at the end of the day you're the one who's standing by my side.... and as the former Virtue of Love, I know it means we're meant to be together. MC, will you be my... lover?"

I hugged him, "Yes. I'll stand by you, no matter what happens."

*************************************************

@gloryofluv

[ssa-thotchnerr]

Don’t Let Me Drown

Anonymous asked:

maybe a Hotch angst with his daughter being kidnapped by unsub, and he decides to drown her because he knows that she’s afraid of water and can’t swim? Maybe no happy ending? Thank you so much!

word count: 2.2k words of pure ANGST

warnings: drowning, major character death, grief, angst to the max, sad!hotch, kinda shifty writing ngl

a/n: anon, you are EVIL! I love it though. Yeah, this is pretty sad cause Hotch is really sad 😭😭😭 anyway I feel like this is really shit so if yall could give some feedback, I would really appreciate it!

—

"Shut up!"

You winced as you were harshly hit over the head by your kidnapper. He slammed the back door of the van shut, causing you to flinch back in fear. He'd just tied your arms back, not wanting to risk you trying to scratch his eye out once more, since you'd nearly succeeded the first time over. You didn't care that you were full on crying, the kind of crying that shook your entire body painfully.

The kind of crying that suggested fear.

You didn't even remember what happened, one minute you were walking home from school, the next you were in some strangers van with your arms lashed behind your back painfully tight. He wasn't too bothered about you knowing his name of what he looked like, you knew what that meant. You knew why he didn't care about you knowing who he was, what he was going to do to anyone else he could get his hands on.

You knew he was gonna kill you.

The sheer thought made you whimper. You didn't want to die, not like this. Not in fear, not without saying goodbye to your dad, your little brother, your friends. You didn't want to be murdered, not be a case that JJ would be given one morning and be pinned up on a wall. Taking in a deep breath, you attempted to steady out your breathing, there was no way you were going down without at least trying to negotiate your way out of here.

"Please, let-let me go, I won't tell anyone, I-I promise," You said, looking up at the man as he slid the door of the van open. "You-you don't wanna do this." You tried your hardest not to stutter, but your nerves were at an all time high, you couldn't help it. He laughed as he reached forward and snatched you towards him, causing you to scream. "Let me go! Please!" You cried as he picked you up.

"Shut up, brat!" He snarled, throwing you onto the ground. Looking around, you realised you were at the lake near Quantico, meaning that if your dad and his team were working on this case already, you at least had a chance.

Right?

Pulling out your phone that he'd taken from your pocket, he grinned as he took a picture of you. You shook your head and let out an angry huff, your chest heaving with each and every breath you took. The Unsub smiled at you maliciously as he put your phone up to his ear.

"Poor baby, just wanting her daddy to come and save her, huh?" You sniffled as you looked up at him, an angry look on your face as your eyebrows were furrowed. "Well, how about I left you speak to your dad one more time, a final goodbye?" You felt your stomach drop.

Final goodbye?

You started to tug desperately at the rope lashing your arms to your side, fear overtaking your rational side as you realised where you were. You were by a river, you couldn't swim, and this guy appeared to know and have something against your dad.

"Hello, is this SSA Hotchner?"

—

Hotch let out a frustrated sigh as your phone went to voicemail once more. He'd tried calling you about 7 times, and every time he tried, it rang out to voicemail. Hotch knew that your phone was always on, after all, you were a modern day teenager, didn't all of them have their phones on all the time?

"Still nothing?" Derek asked. Hotch shook his head as he looked up at his colleague, trying to hide the complete and under distress he was feeling at the moment. But Derek had been working with Hotch for years, and he knew his usually stoic boss better than Hotch thought he did. "Hey, it's alright. We'll get her home, Y/N's a smart kid." Derek assured him.

"I know she's a smart kid, but she's still a child, she'll be scared," Hotch said. As much as he didn't want to think about it, he knew there was a possibility you were already dead. He hated that he thought of that, that you died scared, possibly painfully. Hotch had never answered his phone quicker than when your name flashed up on the screen. "Y/N-" Hotch was prepared to ground you until you graduated high school just for worrying him so much.

"Hello, is this SSA Hotchner?"

That wasn't you.

"Where's Y/N?" Hotch asked, trying to keep his voice steady. Derek looked out to the bullpen, seeing that the whole team, Minus Rossi and Emily, was there, he signalled to Hotch, who nodded as Derek left him.

"You'll be able to find Y/N at Lake Ridge," He answered.

"Help me! Dad!" You were crying. Hotch couldn't help but to do the same thing, he stood up, he didn't want to feel like it was a hopeless situation anymore. The line went silent for a minute, making Hotch freeze on the spot.

There was a scream.

The line went dead.

-

It was cold.

So, so cold.

But you found that after a while, it wasn't cold anymore. It almost felt comforting, that if you went just that little bit deeper, you would be able to get warmer, and warmer, and warmer. And it became just that, so comforting in fact, you found that you were drifting away from consciousness.

This was it.

And that was it.

Hotch practically dove out of the car as Derek pulled up, running out and getting right into the lake. He knew you couldn't swim. Everything he did, went against everything he was told to do. Don't rush into things, make sure the coast is clear, all of that was not to be ignored, but given the circumstances, Hotch wasn't much caring about what the law said. Yes, he was an FBI agent, but he was your father first.

Dear God, he hoped he still was your father.

The team watched from the shore as Hotch disappeared under the water, all of their hearts practically beating out of their chests. You were the first BAU Baby, the female embodiment of your father, something that Hotch would endlessly brag to Haley about when she’d visit the BAU with you. You’d always listen to Reid list of facts that there was no way a child your age could understand, Penelope would always be aware of your presence before hand and have a plushie ready for you so she could keep her coined title of being your favourite. They'd watched you grow up to the 16 year old they knew and loved, and they were praying that the last time they saw you, wasn't the last that they saw you alive.

"I called an ambulance just as we left, it should be here soon," Spencer said, still keeping his eyes on where Hotch had disappeared. It was a tense atmosphere, and with every passing second, the outcome of the situation became more and more bleak. After what felt like hours, Hotch resurfaced with you, unconscious in his arms.

“Oh my God,” JJ whispered, looking around at the team to see their reactions. Everyone was simply in shock. Hotch waded through the water, placing you on the ground and kneeling beside you. The whole team rushed to your side, Reid at your neck to feel for a pulse.

His stomach dropped when he felt nothing.

“Damn it, Y/N, wake up,” Hotch said, starting compressions on your chest. JJ was holding your hand, Derek was waiting on the ambulance. They’d completely forgotten about the UnSub, they were hoping that you could make it out of this alive to tell them about your captor. You had to make it out of this, you’d lost too much in the past years, surely you’d be allowed to not lose your life too? Your dad switched to mouth to mouth, but nothing appeared to be working. “Come on, honey, don’t leave me.” Hotch was desperate, his voice breaking as he spoke. Everyone was starting to feel sick, it was like watching Hotch grieve over Haley all over again, just 10x worse this time around.

You were still a child.

Throughout everything your dad tried, you remained completely unresponsive. Hotch knew that you were gone, but he didn’t want to think about it.

“Hotch,” He looked up at his colleagues, who were all looking at him with sympathy. None of them wanted to say anything, it would make everything real, make it hurt ten times worse. To Hotch, it felt like being dragged kicking and screaming into a nightmare, as he sat there, his oldest daughters body in his arms. Up until now, he had praying that he wouldn’t be planning another funeral, no, not for you. He didn’t want to be thinking about what he would be saying to everyone coming to the aforementioned funeral, about how he would have to use the past tense while speaking about you.

Hotch finally broke down.

JJ, Spencer and Derek left Hotch for a bit, this wasn’t exactly their time to be grieving. They hadn’t just lost their child, killed by their worst fear. To make things worse?

The ambulances arrived.

-

No one could say that they were particularly surprised when the unit chief stepped back for a bit. They all understood, how could they not? They didn’t even want to think about how Hotch was feeling, how he was dealing with the silence that now on,y came with a one child household. Everyone had went to your funeral, it was the first time anyone had seen Hotch since that day. Everyone had taken turns at going to check on him, and right now it was Emily and Derek’s turn.

“Hey,” Emily said, smiling sympathetically at Hotch as the front door opened. Hotch smiled back, both Emily and Derek knew that it was a fake smile, but the gesture was appreciated. “How are things?” She asked him.

“Alright, I guess,” Hotch answered vaguely. “Me and Jack cleared out some stuff from her room, he took her record player and all of her vinyls, he’d been begging for them for years,” He said, a real, genuine smile coming to his face.

“That’s good, man,” Derek said. “Is there anything you wanna talk about?” Derek asked. Hotch shook his head. It still hurt to talk about you, it was still too deep of a wound to mention. The thought he found himself mulling over often was what did he say if people asked him about his kids? He would surely have to mention you, right?

The only thing he could conjure up was; “I lost my daughter, but I have a son.”

He lost his daughter.

It hurt.

It really fucking hurt.

-

Later that night, Hotch had left Jack alone downstairs for a few hours while he finished some stuff in your room. Once coming downstairs, he paused as he saw you on the screen of the TV. He recognised the video, it was your 5th birthday party, Jack being only a baby at the time. Jack was still young, but old enough the know what had had happened to his older sister.

“Hey, what’s this?” Hotch asked. Jack paused it and looked up at his dad, wiping the tears away from his eyes. Hotch had noticed that Jack hadn’t cried yet, and he knew that different people grieved differently. He knew from experience.

“I found it, it had her name on it and I just wanted to see her again,” Jack said, trying his hardest to keep back the sob that was aching to escape. Hotch sensed this was coming, he knew his son.

“It’s alright to cry, Jack, she is-was your sister, you’re allowed to be upset,” Hotch said, the correction hurting more than the previous ones did. Jack shook his head, and the dam broke, he burst into tears. Hotch put his arm around Jack, pulling him close as he finally broke down. “I know it hurts.” He assured him.

“I just miss her,” Jack whispered, wiping his eyes.

“I know, I miss her too.”

—

Taglist

@snarky--starky @averyhotchner @snowangle1994 @pepperonysmcu @yeojiins @mollbt

[lucidpantone]

I really hate the crew of wtfock for what they did to me. I was such a fan of the show since s1, I found happiness in every clips, every posts on insta, I found amazing people on tumblr, twitter, but everything went downhill in s4, I could not accept Kato as a main, I'm a proud black girl and this season broke my heart to the max. The inexcusable racism, the hidden hate towards POCs on social medias, the silencing voices... I even started to dislike some actors for being friends with Romi when she was the one who accepted to take away the role of a POC, to accept to play a racist girl and have discriminatory behaviour in 2020 of all that, and to even joke on her insta just because her friend said it was ok and she didn't even apologise when we called her out for it. Yeah they ruined my happiness and I can't even be happy when I see a wtfock post now. To even have Nora do a live and defend the season, saying that it's a prejudice based one ? Hurts me so much. And not even one excuses coming from the crew, nothing, it hurts deeply. I can't even enjoy anymore the beautiful fanfics that the fandom write. I read every zoenne and sobbe fics but now I don't even bother checking if there is new fic. I hate them for taking my happiness off me. They're starting to go downhill too with the lack of insta posts from their characters and only die hard fans of sobbe are here now let's be honest. Yasmina's season can't be saved if there is still Kato but a glimpse of sobbe will make the fandom shut up and they know it. It's sad and I'm so upset about it. Sorry for the rant but I so badly wanted to talk.

This is insanely long but these words are for my anon

Oh dear.....well am happy you told me and the looney tunes. I can’t say I blame you because s4 is so toxic and cruel on so many levels. You know some people will say its just a show “let it go” but I think what people don’t realize is what this show that you clearly loved tells you about the world at large. That even shows, brands, movements and celebrities can harbor questionable morality towards issues of race. S4 ended up being an exercise in showing [us/the audience] how morally corrupt the bosses of wtfock truly are and how at end of the day all those black boxes on instagram mean nothing when it comes to money. Because guess what? Platforming racist ideology does have a price and wtfock made it very clear that they got paid. Look am gonna tell you something that my anons have been saying in a coded way but havent said directly but lets just put it all on the table. 

S4 when Romi took the role it was not pitched as a season exploring interracial relationships or white privilege. It was never meant to be that. So Romi had no way in knowing what it would turn into. After the premiere night production panicked because they saw everyones disappointment towards the main(it should have been Moyo & everyone knows it even they do now) and took a hard left. Noa was meant to be Romi’s co-star but it was never meant to have all these racial undertones or not as extreme. The reason the script changed is because wtfock wanted to keep this whole “small engine that could” rapport going that they literally made the last minute call to try to tackle race relations. I mean to you and I we are probably like are these people for real? They are just gonna try to tackle race and white privilege as a story arc without having done the sufficient research and or had the man power in the writing room concerning writers with lived experienced on the topic. Yea, they did that. So anyways they “just decided” on a whim to tackle race *facepalm*. Now that decision in itself is an embodiment of white privilege. A bunch of white dudes wanted woke points and thought “race” yea we can totally do that topic unprepared. Hence why episode 2/3 were so damn repetitive and also literally made no sense. Am sure they pitched this to Romi as some super intellectual and thoughtful narrative that would hold deeper meaning. So I am not defending her instagram actions but I want to give her situation a bit of context. Also am pretty sure she tried to tell us in a round about way. Her insta post was just a display in lacking any awareness towards the importance and pain of BLM because she obviously just lacks race education or common sense but she is a 22 year old brand model so am not really looking for her to set an example. To me wtfock became in some weird way so high on fandom validation that they were egotistical enough to think they could try to tackle this insanely complex topic on a whim and with a 1st time screenwriter at that. S4 was doomed to fail from the start because it was a literal embodiment of unconscious bias that then turned into conscious bias because at one point they knew it was terrible while filming but they were too deep in to pull the plug. You are so in your right to be upset at them because to me the most hurtful thing is that THEY KNOW IT WAS BAD and they won’t address it and now they are going to use their token queer couple to try and fix this. Leave the gays out of it. You can’t fix racism with queerness it doesn’t work that way buddy(am looking at you Rutgers) especially for those who are part of both parties. Do I think a large part of the fan base will “forgive” wtfock for what they did? Probably, but its weird since technically wtfock should be asking their fans who are poc for forgiveness above anyone else. I guess I am not as pissy about the whole situation because am either cynical or emotionally numb to this type of fuckery. I would say concerning the cast and the crew it really isnt their fault. I hear from good sources a lot of them tried to say something and they were shut down. Look if you cant let this go then try to find some semblance of resolve over this. You’re allowed to be mad but at the same time this is the world we live in and this will happen to you again and again (trust me I speak from experience). I do hope you can try to find some comfort in Zoenne and Sobbe and try not to see the cronies of wtfock in their love stories but if you can’t then pack all their shit up and throw it in the attic. Maybe one day you can reopen that box. Last words of advice, happiness is a moving target because in reality it’s a compilation of moments that continuously mutate to accommodate other moments. So don't let s4 taint what moments you had with wtfock and try to remember the things you loved and if you need to walk then walk away. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now but trust me when I say what you feel is so valid and am so happy you spoke to me about it.

[novemberwasgrey]

Do you have any shonnor headcanons??

I constantly multiship them with Sheranda (also I ship Connor with one of my oc Ares girl) so I've put both romantic and platonic headcanons

Romantic

Sherman and Connor were secret FWB for the longest time and no one ever knew about it. Everyone in camp just always took them for these occasional friends who'd team up once in a blue moon against a common enemy. Connor suggests the prank, Sherman makes it more painful and they'd have a good laugh afterwards. They have the same kind of dark sense of humor and always speak bluntly to each other, not afraid to give a piece of their mind.

The whole thing started when they played truth or dare with their siblings and friends. Mark dared Sherman to kiss Connor. When all expected a grossed out and categoric no, Sherman just shrugged and leaned in to kiss him. Everyone freaked their shit and was so shook and they laughed at their reactions, loving the attention. But they didn't take their eyes off the other for the rest of the game. At the end of it, all campers got up to retire to their cabins before curfew and Sherman discreetly nodded to him towards the woods. Connor followed him without a word. That night, they hooked up for the first time.

They were the perfect embodiment of perfectly comfortable with each other FWB where feelings never got involved and they stopped the whole thing when they fell in love with other people. Sherman started dating Miranda and Connor started dating Mitchell and both drifted apart for two years.

Then Sherman and Miranda broke up but remained good friends. A bit later, Mitchell cheated on Connor with Malcolm. The next day, Sherman found a heartbroken drunk Connor in the woods with a bottle of vodka, they shared the bottle while Connor was telling stupid jokes to hide his sadness. Sherman just listened and faked a laugh without saying anything. At some point, Connor looked at him all seriously and said: "wanna know a secret? You were better in bed than him anyway." Sherman didn't respond at first even though it was the perfect occasion to brag. He just looked at him with the same intensity than that night they played truth or dare before leaning in to kiss Connor. That night they hooked up again for the first time in two years.

After that, they went back to sleeping together again except that they hid much less and showed signs of affection in public. The moment both Travis and Ellis started to suspect them is this afternoon at the lake where Sherman suddenly knocked a peanuts bag Percy was handling to Connor on the ground. "What the heck's your problem?" Percy exclaimed "he's allergic to nuts you stupid"

Bc the thing is, even though they were never official, they know each other per heart, Sherman knows things about Connor that no one else does and vice versa. They're protective of each other and Connor even pranks his cabin less because of him.

Eventually, I imagine Travis and Ellis intervening to help their brothers realize they're more than fck buddies. Sherman would be reluctant at first because he thinks he's only a rebound for Connor after his break up with Mitchell and Connor thinks Sherman would never date a guy in public. Ellis tells him Sherman was the first person to support him when he came out and that if there's something Sherman doesn't give a dam about, it's boys dating boys.

Finally, they get their shit together and become official and the most dangerous yet close couple Camp Half-Blood has ever known. They're also Ares' and Hermes' favorite couple before CecilxEllis and ChrisxClarisse (what do you mean the gods don't do favorites ofc they do)

Platonic

Still allies to prank somebody they mutually dislike and became friends in the process. They mostly bonded over Cecil and Ellis not able to admit their feelings to each other so along with Chris and Clarisse, they did a little matchmaking.

Connor: Yo what's up?

Sherman: Hey, my brother's totally into yours.

Connor: Ohh, really?! Same! We should let them figure all by themselves like mature people.

Sherman:

Connor:

Both: Nah

The night Cecil and Ellis became official in front of the whole camp, Sherman and Connor high-fived and were the first ones to lift them up to throw them in the lake as the tradition says.

How they became friends is still a mystery to most people. I like to imagine it Marshall and Ted from HIMYM style: Travis was staying at college so Connor had to go back home all alone in Mississippi where their mom lives and Sherman living in Alabama he proposed to give him a ride. Basically their trip went like this: link. Since then they've been friends

If Sherman is protective of Clarisse already, it's nothing compared to the pitbull mode he gets in when someone approaches his favorite sister, Sonny (OC of mine. And its Sonia actually but she'll kill you if you call her that). Despite being the youngest daughter of Ares, she's the feminine "I can fight in high heels" one and attracts more than one guy at her feet. Connor is one of them. He started dating her before his first college year and they kept it a secret because of Sherman. When he finally found out and caught them kissing, happened what Travis still calls the funniest chase of all times: Sherman ran after Connor for fifteen minutes his spear high up in his hand, screaming he was going to skin him alive. At the end, he did beat him up a bit but then thought it was better Connor than any other guy drooling on his sister.

[choccorettooo]

𝐍𝐎 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐑𝐘

ᴋᴇɪ ᴛꜱᴜᴋɪꜱʜɪᴍᴀ x ᴛᴀᴅᴀꜱʜɪ ʏᴀᴍᴀɢᴜꜱʜɪ

A tragic story of which Tadashi Yamaguchi helplessly fell in love with his long time bestfriend, Kei Tsukishima.

In which, Yamaguchi suffered again and again.

Tsukishima got a girlfriend and yamaguchi would support him in every way; in their anniversaries, birthdays, and even when they are arguing, yamaguchi will try anything to solve tsukishima's problem.

He believed that even if it's just staying by his side, he can make tsukishima happy.

Not a while, they broke up. Tsukishima suffered and shut himself out of the world but yamaguchi tried to comfort him but tsukki won't let him.

At their volleyball game at Tokyo, Tsukishima met a certain guy named Kuroo Tetsurō, the Captain Ball of Nekoma Highschool Volleyball Team.

"𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴. 𝘎𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.

𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. 𝘕𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦. 𝘎𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯, 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘬𝘪. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶. "

>>> Continue reading

Tsukki got a girlfriend? // 01

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

The same old voice that i adored very much. I let out a little chuckle as i stopped talking and walked by his side. I glanced at him and smiled a bit, I stared at his pokerface more like frowning. He seems to be bored at everything and laid back but tsukishima isn't just like that. He shows passion and works hard when there's no one looking but still humble that's why I...

Fell in love with him. Those moon-like ambiance around him. Surrounded by darkness but still shining solemnly. He has short blond hair, pale skin, thin eyebrows, and and a pair of golden-brown eyes. I'm drowning with those color of his.

"Ah, Yamaguchi." He called out my name, my head unconsciously tilted as a response.

"Hm?"

"I got a girlfriend" He said casually but with a small smile on his face.

Ha?

Smiling while processing what the hell did he said?

"Pardon?? Come a-again?" My voice cracked to some extent while averting my eyes

He glanced at me, with a perplexed look.

"I told you, i just got a girlfriend." He said louder and clearer than before. I don't know anymore if my smile looked fake but I did my best to smile at him.

"Eh? The hell are you crying?"

"Ha?" I touched my cheeks and there's tears, pouring down one by one.

"Gomen, tsukki" I said while wiping off my tears

"I seem to be really happy that you already got your girlfriend now you won't be sad or lonely anymore. I thought you will never have a girlfriend" I uttered continuously and laughed at the end. He stared at me sternly with a mix of vexation i guess

"You. You think i will never have a girlfriend? Ha. Are you looking down on me? You should look out for yourself more." He mocked with a condescending smirk plastered on his face but i just laughed at him and tapped his shoulders

"Congrats, tsukki. Good job. I would be glad if you'll introduce her to me." I smiled then he just nodded his head and I stopped walking to reach out my phone

"Ah! Tsukki, my mother wants me to stop at the hypermarket right now. You can go on without me" I said as i hurriedly ran off away from him. I heard him calling out my name but I just waved my hands, ain't looking back.

Panting and in front of the market, I looked at my phone again.

No new messages

Gomen, tsukki. I lied.

I went straight to the bathroom and entered a cubicle as i sat on the corner, hugging my knees.

What can i do? This is the only thing I can do. To cry my heart out.

As long as I'm standing by your side // 02

"Goodmorning, Tsukki"

I started my day with a warm casual greet to tsukki. We are about to go to our school, same scenario walking with him. He just nodded and wore his headphone and walked straight.

"Ah tsukki, can you help me with my science project later?" I asked but no response. Ah! I forgot, he's wearing his headphone

I tapped his shoulder and drew myself closer to him.

"Tsukki?"

I gasped when he held my hands to stop my tapping from his shoulders

"What do you thing you're doin?" He asked sternly as he crunches his brows.

I took back my hand and scratched the back of my head while averting my eyes, then bashfullness started to swirl inside of me. He touched my hands.

"I a-asked you if you could help me with my science project later"

He shifted a part of his headphone so he can listen to me and stared at me, I can feel the heatness gushing on my cheeks.

"Oh. I can't. I promised Hanami, my girlfriend, that we would hang out after school." He said emphasizing the word 'girlfriend' with a smug look in his face.

I just chuckled and looked away.

"Right girlfriend. I wish I had one too. I'm lonely. Don't you forget me." I joked following with a bitter chuckle

"Oh please. Shut up, Yamaguchi" He let out a small laugh as he put both his hands in his pocket.

"So when is your project's deadline?" He asked.

"Tomorrow. I don't what to do." A tired sigh came out of my mouth and my lips are almost pouting.

"Fine. Just hang out with us, you'll meet my girlfriend and I'll help you with your project. What a drag but hitting two birds with one stone." He smirked a little.

"W-wh-what?!" I clamoured out of shock.

"Why are you even shouting? You told me, you want to meet her." He said irritatedly

"I know but it's so sudden." I looked at the ground, hiding my face.

He looked confused but he just shrugged it off.

"So see ya later. I gotta go to the second floor first. Meet me on the gate after school." And then he left me dumbfounded before I say anything.

After School

Walking back and forth, chest filled with nervousness.

What should I do? What should I do? I feel so embarrassed

What should I say to her? Thanks to you, you ruined my lovelife?

What if tsukki wants to be with her alone?

What if he finds me really annoying?

"Yamaguchi." A familiar voice called my name as I turn around and tried to smile but it vanished as I saw him with her girlfriend, holding hands.

"Tsukki." I smiled once again and waved my hand to his girlfriend.

"So this is Hanami, a 2nd year. My girlfriend." A short introduction from tsukki, she smiled and bowed her head. A girl with a long silky straight dark brown hair, a soft features embodiment. She's also quite tall but cute. Tsukishima's ideal type.

I smiled and bowed my head as well.

"I'm Yamaguchi, 3rd year and tsukki's childhood friend. You really are beautiful." I said consciously and smiled to her sweetly.

"Enough. Let's go." Tsukishima uttered and started walking off.

At the Cafe

We started to talked about random things or how did they get to know each other and stuffs.

We ordered some coffees and bread. After a while, Hanami seems bored.

While we, tsukishima and I are making some progress on my project, she just sat and tapped on his phone.

"Waa. Senpai senpai. Look, BST is coming to Japan. I badly want to go thereee." She clamoured joyfully while clinging on tsukishima's arm. He smiled a bit and patted his head

"Yeah but I'm currently working on my thesis, I can't buy tickets on weekends." He said with a sorry face but not much pleading.

"But-" Hanami's pout really disheartened tsukishima but I can't let his grade to be ruined.

I raised my hand and smiled with nervousness.

"Since I think i can finish this project before weekend so I can buy you guys ticket." I smiled as i offered them help.

"waaaaa yamaguchiii senpaiii, life savior!" Hanami's held my hand because of excitement. I just chuckled and I saw tsukishima mouthed to me the word 'thank you' and smiled.

"haha, no problem" I said while averting my eyes.

They talked and talked. They really seem happy. Tsukishima seemed happy.

I need to be happy for him as well but the throbbing pain inside of me really neglects my emotion.

Seeing them happy, makes me really sad.

I should be the first one to be happy for him because i am his bestfriend. Gomen, tsukki for feeling this way.

They looked at me, and i gave them a smile.

It's alright. Tsukki's happy.

Please anticipate for the part 3 and more!!!( ◜‿◝ )♡

[heartbreakerholland]

small hands [pp] pt. 2

[master list] [part 1]

Word Count: 2k+

You were frozen. The two of you were standing outside the back of your high school, still too early in the morning for the sun to be out and for other students to pass by. Your teeth were chattering and your entire body shook with the cold, but it all stopped after Peter said what he did. You knew something was wrong when he didn't offer you a jacket like he always did after he picked you up from your apartment to walk to school together.

You processed the sentence. It wasn't "We should break up" or "I think we should break up" or "We should take a break" or anything that you knew he would never say anyways. It was "I'm breaking up with you." No room for you to make suggestions, a tone in his voice silently telling you this wasn't up for negotiation. I'm breaking up with you.

You stood still, staring at him as you two were less than a foot apart. You didn't know how to react, or what to say, or how to feel. You didn't understand. Everything was perfect.

His watery eyes finally met yours, tears already silently streaming down your face. "Why?" you finally asked.

He looked around, trying not to cry like you because God if I watch her cry then I'm gonna cry and it's already hard to not allow myself to love the one person I knew I would love even after I died.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice too weak to say it louder. "I'm so sorry.”

You knew about heartbreak, especially from first love. You heard the songs and watched the movies and your friends told you countless stories of their own. Your parents even warned you when you first told them about Peter, saying "love was no funny business." But God you didn't think you would actually feel it. Your arms were helplessly weak as you willed your knees not to buckle. Your brain was banging onto your temples as you felt the most painful ache in your chest where you knew your heart was and it was actually, physically breaking. You could feel it.

"Can we talk this out?" It was worth a shot. He shook his head no, not looking you in the eyes. "Can we at least stay friends? You were my best friend."

His Adams apple bobbed as he stammered. "I don't want to be your friend either." His voice cracked. He decided earlier on that it was best not to even associate himself with you. He couldn't risk anything. He didn't want to. With that, he left you standing there at the back of the school in the dark of the morning. He walked away, never looking back.

Miss your teeth dug in my shoulder

As we rolled in early morning

Miss your arm dying beneath me

As I lay there, simply yawning

Traffic finally came in as school would start in ten minutes. Peter listened to the cars pass on the main road as he wiped his tears, motionless on the swing.

He was already wondering what you were up to, if you stayed in the back of the school to cry or if you went to your friends and told them what happened. He missed you already. He missed how your teeth would dig in his shoulder on the nights the both of you were passionate with another. (Being each other's first everything was harsh. First kiss, first love, first person to make love with.) He missed how you two would cuddle afterwards, he missed how he would yawn when he woke up before you, he missed how his arm would be dying beneath you as you still slumbered.

He missed you. You were the physical embodiment of the love flowing through his veins, the epitome of love itself.

Please forget me, you were right dear

I am cold and self-involved

And though I'll miss you, recent lover

I am weak and therefore fold

He never wanted to forget you and he knew he never would. He knew you would never forget him, but he wished that you did. It would be better that way. No matter how much he would remember you as the first girl he'd ever been in love with, he knew you would only remember him as the first boy that broke your heart.

"Please forget me," he whispered to himself, helplessly staring down at his feet. "You were right, dear." He said the pet name so painfully. He would miss all the pet names you called each other. Babe, baby, dear, darling, hun, honey, sweetheart, sweetie, love.

You were right. You joked about how he would break up with you, because you claimed to never stop loving him and to never end the amazing relationship you two had. You were right.

Sometimes you wouldn't joke, though. Sometimes, you got fed up with how he was too swallowed up in his schoolwork and the Stark Internship, whatever that was. You got fed up with how he would forget you sitting right next to him as he was too cold and self-involved with whatever work was right in front of him. You loved that about him, but sometimes it was too much. Sometimes you would pick fights because of it.

You were right. You didn't know it, but he would get too self-involved with being Spider-Man. He let it consume him and take over his mind, forgetting anything else but how can I defeat this bad guy? When is my next mission? Should I make another version of web-fluid?

He regretted all those times so so much now. He wished he payed attention to you every chance he had, he wished he showed his gratitude and appreciation more than he did. But it was too late now. He knew he'd miss you but never knew it would be this much and he never once thought you would actually be out of his life like this. It was his own doing, but he didn't want things to be this way. He never did.

He screamed, not caring if there was anyone else at the park. He fell to the ground, punching the bark at his knees over and over again as he let his vocal chords dry out. Stopping, tears streamed down his face faster than yours did earlier. He fucked up. He wished he wasn't Spider-Man anymore. He wished he could take back being Spider-Man, hand over the responsibility to someone else because why would he want to be a superhero when he couldn't even love you?

Spider senses and web fluid with web shooters and knowing how to fight wasn't enough for him. At least, not enough to keep him strong. He was weak. Physically, Spider-Man was strong, but emotionally, Peter was weak. He lost his loved ones and could never live if he knew he lost you too, but he already did.

It was like being a tree. The strong, healthy trees could sway and fold even in hurricanes. The weak trees snapped and broke. Peter was weak. He never folded. He broke.

Get distracted by my music

Think of nothing else but art

I'll write my loneliness in poems

If I can just think how to start

He hated this so much. There are authors who could write books about this feeling, and Peter knew you'd write your newfound loneliness in poems you always created beautifully. But he couldn't even think how to start. With all the complications, it was simple: He hated this. So much.

He knew you would understand if he told you. He trusted you with his life, and he knew you felt the same, but you really couldn't trust him with your life. That was different. He couldn't protect you every second of the day, every day of the week. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't. He knew you would understand, but he could never allow you to live that kind of life with a death note hanging on your back. Just plain knowing would already have been too much. So he chose to lose your love than your life. He chose to be able to painfully watch you in the school halls than visit your grave.

His hands were still clenched, resting on his knees as he vulnerably sat on the ground in front of the swing set. All he could do now was remember and hate himself for it.

He hated that he used to walk around, both earbuds in with loud music playing, and not listen to you. He didn't usually realize you were talking, but that didn't matter. He wished he never got distracted by his music, because it stopped him from hearing your soft footsteps as you walked beside him, hand in hand, always humming tunes he would never figure out.

He wished he could see you one more time, thinking of nothing else but art. He should have taken out his earbuds so he could silently admire you being you.

The two of you would spend time doing nothing, but he loved watching you look at drawings online and analyze music for your AP Music Theory class. He loved how you would scrunch your eyebrows, not knowing what word to use next for a poem or story you were writing.

He used to take you to museums and concerts and bookstores and movie theaters. You used to ever so passionately jump to him as you spoke about what paintings you saw or how this was your favorite song or how you read that book before it became a movie or this is what you thought would happen next in the movie. His heart broke thinking about it.

Used to.

Dot my I's with eyebrow pencils

Close my eyelids, hide my eyes

I'll be idle in my ideals

Think of nothing else but I

I, I

And I

You finally stopped sobbing and calmed yourself an hour after Peter broke up with you. You were sat on a bench in the back of the school, five feet away from where you two stood as he broke your heart. Your first class already started, but you didn’t care.

You stared at the spot. How were you going to do this? How were you going to walk around the school without being reminded of him? That very spot was where you two used to go to before school to make out like regular teenagers. How were you going to walk around without thinking this is where Peter asked me to be his girlfriend, this is where Peter and I slow danced during Homecoming, this is where Peter and I would study together, this is where Peter and I had that conversation about polar bears?

You heard footsteps coming around the corner, taking you out of your trance, and as you looked to see the intruder, it was him. He made eye contact with you, walking slower. You closed your eyelids, hid your eyes. You knew he’d see your blotchy face and puffed eyes, but maybe closing them would allow you to pretend he couldn’t.

It was then that you decided to think of nothing else but yourself. You decided to be mature, not beg him to stay with you or cause a scene. You had to focus on yourself now. You were weak, everything about you, inside and out, was weak. But you had to.

You heard a door open and close. You opened your eyes, and he was gone.

Taking a breath, you got up and headed into the school too. The bell rang, signaling students the end of first period and onto second, so you headed to class.

You sat yourself in your desk, refusing yourself to even give a sideways glance towards Peter who sat next to you because of the damned assigned seating.

Class was slow, but you told yourself it was just you. You were idle with your ideals, but you told yourself it was better than doing nothing. It was better than still sitting alone in the back of the school, sulking.

You didn’t realize it, but Peter noticed you accidentally took out an eyebrow pencil to write with, dotting your I’s with it. He’d been staring at you the entire hour, still wishing, remembering, reminiscing.

And I

I hope for your life

You can forget about mine

Just forget about mine

Everyday, Peter made sure you got about safely. He would be in his despised suit, but instead of saving the city, he made sure you didn’t have to be saved.

He hoped for your life and hoped you could forget about his. It would be easier that way. He hoped you could forget about the first boy that broke your heart and everything he did in the two years you were in love with each other.

Oh, mine

Mine

He would never forget you.

Even months after the breakup, he still made sure you were safe. He still asked your friends about you, to make sure you were okay. He would sadly watch you in the halls, though somewhat happy that you seemed happy.

In Peter Parker’s heart, no matter what, you were always his.

[doppelnatur]

Ok this is cute let's go!

Favorite novel?

I think I'm gonna go with Emma! Not just because it's the most gay but I just think she's an interesting protagonist and there's quite a few angles of interpretation one might take. Not that there isn't for the other works but I like the whole She Gay And Daddy Issues thing... I also just thought that the side characters were so fun. The dad? Miss Bates my love??? Mrs Elton?! What a queen what a legend.

Favorite heroine?

I absolutely adore Elizabeth ofc and well Eleanor has Eldest Daughter Disorder which we love to see but Catherine moorland was just too sweet and relatable. I liked that she was a gnc kid tooooo. She was just too funny in a way that yeah... Been there.. did i go to school expecting it to be like hogwarts? Why yes.. and she really does embody that.

Favorite man?

I mean... Mx darcy is my url isn't it. I love him so much. Soft confused mean man... Also really liked Tilney he's just really genuinely funny, a close second i didn't think possible. But yeah no I'm sticking to my guns here. Darcy it is. Our rude king.

Favorite side character?

So many??? I would say Harriet but in my opinion she's much more the second main character of Emma than Mr. Knightley so... Uhh Miss Bates? Can't shut up.. relatable queen. I love myself so i love her.

Least favorite man?

As far as men the main characters end up with, I'm gonna have to say Edward Ferrars. Fuck this guy. No spine, no character, doesn't deserve Eleanor, the plot that his brother ended up with his fiancee didn't make any sense???? Like. Why.

Then with the question between wickham and willoughby that u raised I'm gonna have to say willoughby, because while wickham tried getting with two girls at least he married one (i mean not out of the goodness of his heart but still) and didn't manage to do any harm to the other as far as i know, while willoughby full on impregnated and then left a girl with literally nothing and fully broke the heart of the other in a really mean way, almost killing her and then blamed it on his wife who he spoke very badly of :/ like I'm sorry mate but it's fully understandable she wants u to give back the hair of another girl wtfff stop being so mean about her have some empathy or at least respect.

What I'm saying is. Sense and Sensibility just has The Worst Men.

Least favorite heroine?

Hmm I love them all so much? I'm gonna have to go with Fanny because i just can't emphasize with wanting to marry on your brother cousin.... also like.. jfc let them have some fun and play theatre. U really don't gotta be sir thomas stand in.

Least favorite book?

Mm Lady Susan? Not the books fault I just first had Spotify on shuffle by accident and then when i was able to turn the shuffle off it was just a lot less enjoyable after that... Also unmemorable. But i bet that's just the shuffle.

Favorite villain?

My bae Mrs Elton💕 you get to be a horrible annoying and vain person if you're this funny.

Least favorite side character?

Charlotte and her brother maybe? Like charlotte bae i support u get ur coin girl.. but don't just neglect ur friendship for flirting and also... That's such a betrayal. He was ur friend's brother... Don't flirt with ur friend's brother if u don't at least mean it. Her brother because he's a liar and rude as hell.

Favorite adaptation?

I put these questions all in one cause i haven't seen much and.. I'm gonna have to say pride and prejudice and zombies because i love some fun in my movies. Period clothing is all well and good but what really gets me will always be zombies and sword fights😩😩

I don’t know if anyone will see this. But let’s talk Austen, like properly. I will give my answers and hopefully someone or many someones will reply and a debate or talk can happen.

What is your favourite Austen novel?

Northhanger abbey. I read a lot and love gothic literature and I love this book because it is mocking gothic lit. It does it beautifuly. We are like Catherine she is imaginative, full of curiousness and life. She makes mistakes many of us make, with her mind full of scandals and murder, which fascinates many generations. Yet it is still beautiful with a gorgeous love story about loving someone for who they are. Catherine represents readers who get too emerged in the world of books.

I also have a massive love for persuasion. It is raw, about two people trying to find themselves back to each other. About trust. I cry everytime. Which makes it even more special is it is based on Jane Austen’s own love life.

Who is your favourite Austen heroine?

Emma. She is a realistic women. Well rounded full of flaws, she speaks her mind, hurts people as we all do. She was written to be disliked and yet she is likeable, I think because she reflects women well. We are all capable of cattiness, jealousy and ignorance. I love the way she ignores how much she loves knightly, she is determined never to marry so not to leave her father. But how jealous she got. For instance when Mrs Elton called him knightly, and Emma went on that massive rant about how she never calls him knightly but has known him her whole life. Notice after that scene she starts calling him knightly. Or the real upset she feels when she faces losing knightly and the horror over her best friend liking him. She is witty and remarkable.

Who is your favourite Austen man?

Mr Knightly, he is honest, not afraid to speak his mind, to tell Emma off, he loves her. knowing her fully, her flaws, her darkness, her joys, her virtues. Everything and he loves her. Wanting to make sure she is okay after Churchill. We all deserve a Mr. Knightly. Also one hell of a proposal. “If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more.” When he talks about Emma you know he loves her. He doesn’t place her on a pedi stool, even when complimenting her, saying she isn’t vain, as she is very handsome but doesn’t occupy her self with it. But then critiques her in another manner. When he says badly done Emma that is just my whole sexuality in one line 😂.

Who is your favourite non main Austen character?

Mrs Bennett so much so I wrote my English course work on her, pride and prejudice from Mrs Bennett’s point of view. She is funny, an insight on how things really were and written by a women which is a more reliable as she is a women.

Who is your favourite Austen villain?

Mr Collins, he is utterly hilarious and is great. Honestly we should make a drinking game about how many times he saying lady Catherine.

Least favourite non main character?

Hmmm... okay so I am going to go with, sir Thomas Bertram. I think he is for lack of a better word a prick. Unable to accept his son until he almost loses him. But still blames him. Also you know the whole slavery thing and the whipping and torture of slaves.

Least favourite Austen man?

Hmm... possibly Edmund Bertram, but then again, I love how he loves franny despite how poor she is, he loves her mind.but he chose the rich lady over her, but she turned out to be a bitch so he went back to the ever kind and clever franny. But I don’t think he ever loved anyone but franny, he was just taken with vanity.

So hmm.. even Willoughby I have sympathy with, he loved Marianne but loved money more, but he had to live knowing he lost the one thing that could make him really happy. And that is really sad, knowing he is the cause of his own sadness.

My answer is Wickham. He was just fully a pedo. Like fully, he tried taking advantage of one fifteen year old girl and succeeded with another, he was corrupt and tried to hide that by slandering a good man (mr Darcy) he also manipulated lizzie’s feelings for him.

Least favourite Austen heroine?

Okay this one is hard. And honestly I don’t have one. I guess it is easier to criticise less likeable characters. If I had to chose then maybe marianne from sense and sensibility. She lets her romantic mind render her vulnerable to manipulation and only chooses the right man when the wrong one was taken away by his need for money and social standing. But I think that is because I have the same tendency to let bad men in and let the good ones pass me by, so I most likely just feel personally attacked by her 😂 so basically I just don’t like myself 😂

Least favourite Austen book?

I honestly don’t have one, I love them all, with all their flaws and perfections.

Favourite Austen tv show?

Again this going to have to be Emma, the one with Johnny Lee Miller who also plays my favourite Edmund in Mansfield park. It is stunning honestly and I have watched it about 20 times and I will never tire of it.

Favourite Austen movie?

Pride and prejudice 2005, yes I know the costumes were not accurate but this film is so visually stunning and the music. And Matthew MacFayden is an amazing mr Darcy and Keira knightly brings a brilliant cheek to Elizabeth which I love to see. It is one of my favourite movies of all time.

Favourite Austen adaptation?

Either Bridget Jones or clueless they are funny and brilliant.

Does anyone agree with my answers? What are your guys opinions. Do you have any questions for me?

Val 😊

[ripdragonbeans]

Dear Friend

First off, of course I'm going to pull a She Loves Me thing. It's how I'm going to basically pour my fucking heart out. Hopefully you'll never see this. At least here. That's assuming you would even find my tumblr, which I really hope you don't. ANYWAY. Dear Friend. Wow. Just wow. I can't believe how much I care for you. I can't believe how happy I feel when I talk to you, text you, hang out with you. I genuinely miss you when I'm at uni and no, it's not just the sex. Tbh the sex is really just a bonus. I love the passion you have or theatre and I love the way your eyes light up when you talk about theatre. Your goofy side is fucking adorable and it's even more adorable since you don't really show that side of you often. Whenever we cuddle I feel insanely safe and comfortable. I really wish we could date. I mean, I know we were fwb but I'd love to date you. Being fwb with you wasn't solely based off of the sex, we're also actually legit friends. I'd argue that we've become pretty close friends as well. Part of me wants to believe that I love you but the other part of me is saying to stay away from that. To be fair, last time I said I loved a guy (in a romantic way) he broke up with me two weeks later. I'm not quite sure if I even know what romantic love is anymore but I feel like you embody it when I'm with you. Idk. It's 2:30 in the morning and I'm just letting out all my feelings. Well that's it. Yupppppp