#we are on season 3 i think its a fun watch. i want like 4 of them hit by cars.

[bajablastable]

been watching bsd with my bestie and yeah gotta say this dude was born to eat cement.

[dovveri]

misunderstandings

bachelorette masterlist - part 1 ▸ part 2 ▸ part 3 ▸ part 4 ▸ part 6 ▸ part 7

synopsis: y/n watches the most recent episode of the bachelorette and is met with something she doesn’t like. sana also seems to be angry for whatever reason and it builds up into a big argument at the end of the night.

warnings: sex! overstimulation, fingering, scissoring, oral sex, degradation, choking, cursing

w/c: 7.1k

a/n: soooo sorry for the delay this will probs be my last update for a while bcs finals season is driving me up a wall (if u see me post another story or part its bcs im actually not studying and u should yell at me for it) i lwk hate the pacing of this chapter i feel like its everywhere but hey! we got some smut!

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the backlash wonsik gets online is more than satisfactory. apparently, with all the evidence piled up against him, he would most likely be sent away for the rest of his life. which is disgusting to think about, how much crime do you have to commit to get a life sentence? you try to shake those thoughts as you watch the most recent episode with the leftover contestants while sana’s on her individual date as usual. it was tradition now, even more so as the pool of contestants gets smaller and smaller.

after your day off, things had gotten right back to normal.

sana went on a solo date with jacky. good thing it was jacky too because they had the famous ‘conquer a fear’ date. who knew big, australian jacky was afraid of balloons. and in typical bachelorette fashion, producers came up with a romantic hot air balloon date for 5am in the morning.

costume designers had rushed into your room at 4am, turning on all the lights and pulling sana from your arms, not even casting you a second look now that they were used to seeing the both of you cuddled up and naked most of the time they had to come in and dress you.

you were barely conscious as they ran around frantically, pulling the covers over your head and groaning a little, trying to make yourself go back to sleep.

you’re sure sana didn’t feel the best either from the little grumbles and whines you can hear faintly as she struggles to keep her eyes open while makeup artists dab eyeshadow on her eyelids.

soon enough they're off and you drift back into sleep, only to be awoken a few hours later so you can get dressed and attend the group date for the day.

that was also pretty fun. everything was meant to be high-adrenaline, facing your fears, all that sort of stuff today. so the team had booked out a big amusement park and you all had free rein. it was also good because it meant you had a little bit more freedom, not everyone had to stick together so people ended up splitting naturally when they wanted to do different rides and you had even managed to sneak sana away from the cameras for a quick make out session in the toilets.

it was a pretty great day and would make for a nice and light episode after the mayhem that happened with wonsik. there was a rose ceremony as always but this time, only 2 people were eliminated. unfortunately you had to say goodbye to dae and nayeon, sana did say it was getting harder and harder to eliminate people because as the more time goes on, the closer you get, and when there's less people in the house, it also facilitates closer relationships. she had to eliminate those two simply because she felt her romantic connection with them wasn't as strong as it was with some of the other contestants. it was rough but that's showbiz.

after 2 more eliminations tonight, it would officially be the quarter finals meaning it would be time for sana to meet all of her last 4 contestants' families and close ones.

currently, you're enjoying an afternoon tea at the contestants' house. as usual, sana was on a solo date with jiwon but there wouldn't be a group date today because there wasn't enough time to film it. instead, the both of you were allowed a little sleep in after yesterday's rude 4am awakening, and a little more time in the afternoon to dress up before the rose ceremony tonight.

the episode had just finished with jacky and sana's date. jacky still won't go near a balloon and he's probably developed a fear of heights on top of that too now but at least it looked pretty on television.

you had teased him when the episode showed him nervously walking around and inspecting the hot air balloon before sana had to basically yank him into the basket. he had his eyes shut tight the entire time, holding on to sana for dear life while they ascended. it was a little cute when sana finally managed to get him to peek his eyes open once they reached their highest altitude, just in time to catch the sunrise, and in exchange for getting over his fear and not backing out of this date with her, she gave him a rose and kissed him on the cheek.

you heard afterwards from eunji that as soon as they touched back down he had jumped out of the basket and laid face down in the grass for about half an hour, just getting used to the feeling of being on the ground again.

they had caught a bit of him on the floor doing exactly that which was pretty hilarious because sana was crouched next to him, poking him and trying to get him to sit up but he just groaned and mumbled something incomprehensibly in response, his rose still clutched tight in his hand, stretched out in front of him.

they cut it off there though, maybe a little for jacky's reputation but you all knew how long he was there for.

after a short break where they show a few scenes of silly occurrences inside the house with the other contestants, and then finding out everyone was invited on the group date that day, except for jacky who was invited but ended up taking the rest of the day off to recuperate and basically laid in bed in the medical office, even skipping the rose ceremony since he already got his rose.

they shot everyone in the car on the way to the amusement park, asking the contestants what they thought was going to happen, if anyone was scared, trying to pull a few comedic clips together, all the anticipation scenes the audience needed to be excited for the date.

eventually, everyone's in the middle of the amusement park with sana and yourself waiting for them in casual clothes. you shift a little as you recall the way you had her gasping into your mouth and your hand up the blue polo shirt she’s wearing on screen only 20 minutes after the introduction and everyone had split off.

in the meantime, while the cameras were running around frantically trying to find sana, they had filled in the gaps with clips of the other contestants, you laugh when momo is practically dragged onto a rollercoaster by jihyo and jun, she’s kicking and screaming but they manage to strap her in and gesture for the roller coaster attendant to go. its one of those really fast ones where it goes from 0 to 100 in seconds so the force pushes all of them back against the seats, poor momo barely has the time to blink and then its over. she’s gasping with her eyes clenched shut while the other two are laughing and pulling her off and along to the next ride.

it’s great being able to watch what happened when you weren’t on screen, and also what sana was up to when you weren’t with her.

you laugh when they show all the contestants clambering onto the carousel, you had all taken some group pictures and some of them were more than silly.

eventually, you get to the rose ceremony, and just as you were on the night, your breath is taken away again with sana in a stunning red dress. she really nailed being on camera, her face was one that was meant to be on screen.

the night starts merrily, everyone's more of a family now, you’re all happy to drink and talk together, and it wasn’t so competitive to get time with sana anymore because there were less contestants.

you frown a little though when the camera shifts to sana and jihyo, they’re sitting very close in one of the more private rooms inside the house.

jihyo’s playing a joke and sana’s laughing, a little flushed, probably from the alcohol as she slaps jihyo’s arm lightheartedly. jihyo preens at the attention, grabbing another drink and offering it to sana who accepts it gratefully and takes a sip.

she hums in satisfaction before speaking up, “so you never did tell me how you broke up with that gym rat…”

jihyo’s laughing a little nervously, twiddling her thumbs a little, “right yeah… i just realised that i made the wrong decision. i was caught up in the newness of everything with him but after that got old, i realised i still loved-“

sana’s eyebrows are shooting up, she’s setting down her drink and clearing her throat.

“sorry.” jihyo flashes an apologetic look over at sana, but sana shakes her head.

“no no it’s okay. be as honest as you can, please. we’re both here because we’re looking for a relationship right? can’t do that if we have any skeletons still in the closet.”

jihyo’s smiling gratefully and then continuing, “he wasn’t it for me. that’s why i broke up with him. i’m sorry for the way i treated you sana, you didn’t deserve that, you never did anything wrong in our relationship and i never really gave you a reason to why we broke up. i hoped by coming on here i may be able to win back a second chance.”

sana hums again, taking a moment to think while jihyo nervously looks at her with wide eyes.

“jihyo… you hurt me a lot when you left.”

“i know! and i’m so so sorry for that! i never want to do that to you again, all i’m asking for is another chance sana.”

she’s shuffling closer, grabbing sana’s hands tightly and imploring with her eyes.

sana looks down at their hands together, taking a breath before looking back up, "look... i'm not going to lie to you... i never really did get over you completely."

what?

"and i wouldn't have kept you in here for this long if i wasn't curious about what you had to say and if i wasn't ready to give you a second chance."

what the actual fuck?

"it wouldn't be fair though. to the other contestants, y'know? if they knew you had a head start. and i admit i was avoiding you a little because i wanted to even the playing field and get to know everyone else first before revisiting this." she makes a gesture with her hands, signaling between the two of them. "so its nice to finally be able to sit down and get a clear answer about what happened in the past."

jihyo looks more and more hopeful as sana goes on, your hands only get tighter around the fabric of your pants. sana didn't tell you about this conversation last night. sana hasn't mentioned anything jihyo related. whenever you ask, she's always managed to change the conversation or misdirect you with the promise of sex. was this why? is this how she really felt about jihyo? did she think you would disapprove? well you do disapprove but that was besides the point.

all of the other contestants don't seem too shocked with this news. it's not too surprising though because they've all lived with jihyo and the one thing they all have in common is sana so there's no doubt they've all discussed each other's feelings for sana, and jihyo probably told them their history as well.

you're fuming though. you can't believe sana didn't tell you something this important. that you're finding this out along with the rest of the country when you were meant to be her best friend here, the one person who was supposed to know everything before everyone.

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the rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur. you can vaguely tell when someone comes up to you and tries to initiate or bring you into the conversation but your mind is swirling with information about sana and jihyo, their past interactions, whether you could decipher any of sana's feelings from observing her.

eventually, it's time for the rose ceremony again and you're still in your head about everything you thought you knew happened yesterday.

you have half the mind to pull sana aside and ask her about it but when you meet sana's eyes, she squints a little and looks away quickly with signs of a pout in her lip.

the night continues like this, the two of you stealing glances at each other only when you think the other isn't looking. when sana starts pulling jihyo aside though, you don't care if she sees the look of disbelief on your face, she doesn't seem to notice anyway, all cozied up to jihyo.

you're averting your head again and downing the rest of your drink in one gulp.

when it's time to read out who gets a rose and who's going home, you're stiff standing next to sana, she's purposely avoiding your gaze as well. the tension between you two was so thick jiwon had come up and asked if something had happened between you two. and technically nothing did happen so you don't really know why sana seems to be angry with you when you were the one who was hurt by yesterday's episode.

the ceremony is brief, you have to say goodbye to jun, and eunji unfortunately but you can barely give them a proper hug as you stare at jihyo who's now made the final four.

after your goodbyes you quickly make your way towards the car, tapping your foot impatiently while waiting for sana to finish saying her goodbyes so you could both go home.

unfortunately, that takes another 20 minutes and you're just about to tell the driver to leave without her when she's sliding into the car, still avoiding your gaze and sitting on the opposite end of the car. normally she's all over you, needing affection after a big day but now you're pretty sure if she moved any further away she'd be falling out the window.

that was fine though. it’s not like you wanted to have an argument with her while the driver could hear you anyway.

the car’s pulling in and she’s opening her door and stalking inside the house without even a second glance towards you.

what the fuck? why was she mad at you now?

you feel almost childish copying her actions and making sure to slam the door on the way in, but if she was acting like this for no reason that only infuriated you more.

you find her in the kitchen, tapping her foot impatiently and waiting for you to come in.

once you’re standing on opposite sides of the counter, you cross your arms and still. she’s leaning on the counter with her hands, staring you down. there was no way you were going to be the first to break. she was the one who had some explaining to do right now, not you.

sana's stubborn as well though, lips pursed and not backing down.

it goes on like this for a few minutes before you finally break, raising an eyebrow and asking coldly, "so do you have anything you want to say to me sana?"

sana scoffs, the tips of her ears red, "do you have anything you want to say y/n?"

"what? no! i don't even know why you're being like this right now! i'm the one who's been left in the dark here."

"oh you're the one who's been left in the dark huh? unbelievable that you're still lying to my face about this. is that how you really feel about her?"

"excuse me?! it doesn't matter how i feel about her! the whole issue is how you've been dealing with this situation!"

sana sneers, your voices getting louder and louder trying to top each other, "this again? seriously y/n? i'm my own person and i'm allowed to have opinions on who i like and who i don't like! if she's being weird or sneaky or whatever i'm going to call her out on it!"

you scoff, "yeah right. like you called her out on it last night? and tonight as well i bet. why did you take so long saying your goodbyes huh?"

sana goes beet red and you think you've got her, "what?! what are you talking about?! and i stayed behind to say proper goodbyes to everyone! not like you apparently who couldn't care less, you barely talked to anyone tonight, when jun, and eunji, who was one of your closest friends here right?! when they had to leave you didn't even look them in the eye when they hugged you!"

"riiiiiiiiiight and you expect me to believe that? you weren't cuddling up and getting a quickie in before you had to go right?"

"what?! what are you talking about y/n?! quickie- what?"

"with jihyo! you stayed behind to talk to her didn't you!?"

"what?! well yeah i did but what does jihyo have to do with any of this?"

"what?! i've been talking about jihyo this whole time what do you mean?"

she's slipping something out of her suit pocket and sliding it across the counter to you. your phone.

"are you fucking serious y/n? you've been talking about jihyo this whole time? what the fuck? why the fuck are you suddenly bringing her up? you're the one who's been going behind my back getting all flirty and friendly with miyeon! after you told me you were just friends?! calling each other babe and sweetie and honey in your texts, how the fuck did you even get her number anyway? how long have you been talking to her huh? how long have you been fucking me while talking to someone else?"

you're scrambling for your phone, unlocking it and scrolling to your messages with miyeon. fuck. sana must have read everything. you don't even remember leaving your phone behind but it must have been with her since the morning. you scroll down the texts and see the most recent messages miyeon has texted you today and you find that sana has been replying to her.

"are you serious sana?! why the fuck did you go through my phone?"

sana turns her head at that, pouting a little, "i didn't mean to! she just kept on texting and i thought it must have been something important if your phone kept going off so i just went in to make sure everything was okay! how was i supposed to know you were basically sexting her behind my back!?"

"we were not sexting oh my god sana! miyeon is my friend we're just friends!"

"why have you been keeping this from me then?! you must like her or something then don't you?!"

"what?! no! and don't talk to me about keeping secrets right now sana!"

"what secrets have i kept from you?!"

"hello?!" you're waving your hands around frantically, "the whole jihyo situation?! why didn't you tell me you never got over her?"

"i never got over- what?!"

"you said so last night! on national fucking television! don't play dumb with me right now sana, and don't try and change the topic on me!"

"i never said that! are you being serious right now? jihyo and i split and it took me a while but you were there for it all! you saw me at my lowest and you helped build me back up! i am over her!"

"why is she in the final four then?"

"oh my god y/n you cannot seriously still be talking about jihyo! i'm over her! the producers wanted her to make it to the final four because they thought they could add some drama in during the home visits or whatever! jihyo and i talked about it last night and i told her why she was still here because i didn't want to keep leading her on! that's why i stayed for longer after the rose ceremony, i just wanted to check on her and make sure she was okay with all of this because i still care about her! i loved her at one point in my life!"

"that's not what i saw in last night's episode!"

"what?!"

"yeah! you and jihyo were all close and snuggly and she told you she still loved you and you said you were going to give her a second chance!"

"y/n i never said any of that." the rage has lifted slightly now, replaced with confusion.

you're breathing heavily, tired from arguing, you and sana had more fights these few weeks that you've been filming than you've had your entire lives together.

you tap out of your messaging app, going to tiktok and searching up last night's bachelorette episode, scrolling past all the funny jacky moments and amusement park shorts, trying to find the part where jihyo and sana were talking. someone had to have posted about it.

"are you serious right now? are you fucking texting miyeon while we're talking?"

"what?! no! sana i told you miyeon and i are just friends! i'm trying to find a clip of you and jihyo last night to show you what i'm talking about!" you find one then and quickly hold it out for sana to see.

she watches the clip replay a few times while you wait defiantly.

after the seventh replay you take your phone back, sighing when you think she has nothing to say for herself.

“y/n…”

“want to explain yourself now? anything else you wanna divulge while you’re at it?”

“what? no y/n i didn’t say any of that. they edited that together. i didn’t say any of that to jihyo i promise.”

you look at her in confusion, looking back to your phone, and then back to her.

“i did pull jihyo aside and we did talk but i never told her that i didn't get over her. y/n you have to believe me baby i- i can call the producers right now, they'll clear everything up." she's reaching for her phone, but the immense relief that she doesn't still have feelings for jihyo washes over you and brings you to action. moving around the counter and taking her phone from her and wrapping her in a hug.

she stills against you, and you're both surprised when you feel your own tears falling down your face, the tension of the night finally getting to you.

"y/n..."

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry i do believe you. this all seems so silly now i hate when we fight. i overreacted with the whole jihyo thing and it could've been solved so easily if i'd just talked to you instead of..."

sana softens against you, wrapping her arms around your waist and carding a hand through your hair. "it's okay baby. i'll talk to the producers tomorrow and make sure they don't pull anything like that again. and after the home visits i promise jihyo is the one who'll be going home."

you sniffle a little, "you don't have to do that for me sana. i swear i was just being..."

"hmm?"

"i don't know i'm tired sana. can we go to bed?"

she hums against you, pulling you both towards the bathroom for your nighttime routines. once you're done, you're climbing into sana's bed and picking up your phone again, scrolling back to your messages with miyeon while waiting for sana to finish her routine and join you.

y/n: heyy sorry i just got my phone back, sana's had it the last few hours because i left it behind so if i seemed weird over text it's because she was messaging you

miyeon: oh it's okay! i did think you sounded a bit off but i just chalked it up to u not feeling well or something. was sana mad when she found out we were texting?

y/n: 😂 how did you know?

miyeon: well i was on the receiving end of her jealousy when she texted me today so that was one clue 😂

y/n: jealousy?

suddenly your phone starts vibrating and miyeon's name flashes across the screen. you pick up hesitantly, "hello?"

"y/n! hey! it's good to actually hear your voice again!"

you chuckle a little, "you too princess. what's up?"

"nothing really, i just wanted to see where your head's at with sana now."

"what do you mean?"

"remember the conversation we had the night i got kicked out? while you were drunk?"

you squint a little, shuffling around in the sheets, "kinda... why?"

"i noticed the way you looked at her, the way you talked about her, even on the first night i think the reason why no one suspected that you weren't just a regular contestant was because i thought, we all thought you also felt the same way we did for sana."

"w-what?"

"you might not have realised it... but i think you were beginning to see it when filming started. do you get jealous when you see sana with the other contestants?"

"i- well- i mean i kinda just thought i was friend jealous though. or like that i just wanted the best for her which was why i was so harsh on contestants in the beginning."

"the way you talk about her over text sounds like its more than that y/n."

"i don't- what- i'm not jealous-"

you barely register that sana's finished with her routine now, sliding into bed next to you and cuddling up immediately. "what are you jealous about?"

you freeze, looking at her like you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar in the middle of the night.

"is that sana?" you're broken out of it quickly when you hear miyeon's voice over the phone.

sana bristles though, moving away from you and frowning, "are you on the phone with miyeon?"

"i- yeah-"

sana's snatching the phone out of your hand instantly, bringing it up to her ear and speaking into the microphone with a cold sneer, "yes this is sana. can i help you?"

you can't hear miyeon respond but the way sana's speaking sends a lightning rod of arousal down your spine. your mind is still hazy with what miyeon's suggested, and you're thinking about how you hated seeing sana kiss wonsik, how blinded you felt when you thought sana still liked jihyo, what could this mean? how long have you liked sana for? has it always been this way?

you don't realise that sana's features have become less defensive as she talks to miyeon, almost apologetic even when she settles back down next to you, humming in response to something miyeon's said over the phone. she's within proximity again that you can make out miyeon's voice.

"-but i hope you've been doing well and taking care of yourself with all the craziness that comes along with filming."

"yeah thank you miyeon. really. and again i'm so sorry for all the misunderstandings and i hope you know that eliminating you was definitely a mistake and it was very short-sighted of me but i'm glad that we've finally had a chance to talk where i'm not completely hostile to you."

you can hear the airy giggle of miyeon over the phone, "of course! all the best with the rest of the season sana. maybe we'll see each other on the other side."

sana smiles, "definitely. goodnight miyeon!"

she hangs up and hands your phone back to you, going right back to cuddling as if nothing had happened.

you're trying to pick out what part of that conversation that you overheard bothered you when it hits. "eliminating miyeon was a mistake?" was this the jealousy again?

"weren't you the one saying that?" sana raises an eyebrow at you, brushing her fingers over your side.

"well- i-"

she's giggling now, "i'm just kidding. miyeon just put to rest everything that was on my mind so i have nothing to worry about. i'm sorry for overreacting when i found out you were texting her. you're allowed to have friends, sorry i was trying to micromanage that."

"what was on your mind?"

"hmm y'know... you mostly."

you whine, hitting her lightly while she laughs at you.

"she told me you were just friends and she never meant to make it seem like it was anything else. she also helped me... come to terms with a few things so i'm actually very grateful for that."

"what things?"

"so many questions y/n. are you worried i'm about to steal her away from you?" sana teases.

"what? no! stop teasing-"

she grins, poking your cheek, "i'm keeping that to myself for now okay? i'll probably tell you one day. just not today."

"why not?"

"just because." she smiles, "now let's sleep."

you grumble a little, confused at what miyeon could have told sana, confused with what miyeon told you. there was one thing you did want to test out though...

you lean in quickly and capture sana's lips, taking her a little by surprise but she's quick to reciprocate, closing her eyes and kissing you back.

you're aggressive, climbing on top of her quickly and licking into her. you're trying to figure out if kissing her made you feel anything more. anything that could clue you in on your true feelings for her.

she's breaking away from you panting though, pushing you back slightly when you try to chase after her again, "woah y/n baby baby slow down- what's got you all in a rush?"

your eyes are dark as you look down at her, friends don't normally feel like the world would end if they stopped kissing right? you needed to be back on her, in her, needed to feel her around you, needed to taste her, needed to memorise every single sound she made, you needed her. that was more than just lust right?

"just- just need you please-" you're leaning back in, almost begging.

"no- no y/n stop. tell me what's going on, you're not normally like this."

you groan, head falling to her shoulder, slumping against her. "something stupid miyeon said..." you mumble into her shoulder.

"what did she say?"

you huff against her, "that i had feelings for you."

you hear the gasp sana lets out, her hands at your waist tightening their hold and you groan into her, grinding down a little at the feeling.

she stills you though, hands sliding down to grip your hips, "stop that." her voice is harsh, and you're reminded of the way she talked to miyeon over the phone, all cold and annoyed. it only makes you drip more at the tone of her voice and you whimper a little.

"do you?"

"do i what?" you're distracted, wanting only to kiss her again.

"do you have feelings for me?"

you sigh, "don't know- that's what i'm trying to figure out."

"how are you trying to figure it out?"

"kissing you. touching you. seeing if all of it made me feel something more."

"something more?"

"i don't know. something other than horny."

sana hums before finally loosening her grip. "okay. try it. just promise me you'll tell me what you think afterwards?"

you're quick to latch onto her lips again, mumbling yes and thank you into her.

she bucks her hips up against you and you moan. she was finally giving into her feelings and letting you do what you wanted, expressing herself freely.

“can you- mmf- can you-“

“what what is it baby? what do you need?”

“can you- be mad at me?”

she’s kissing down your neck, nipping slightly as you grind down into her, “i’m not mad at you. we talked about this just then baby.”

“no- i need- can you pretend to be mad?”

she’s licking up to your ear, “i don’t understand baby. can you elaborate?”

“f-fuck sana- can you- just imagine i did like miyeon and i wanted to fuck her-“

you’re scared you said the wrong thing and ruined the mood when she stills under you. then all of a sudden she’s rolling you over and straddling your hips, lips and teeth back at the sensitive parts on your neck. “you like it when i’m mad?”

“g-god yes sana please-“

“whore. you want me to mark you up? make sure everyone knows your mine? mine to ruin?”

“yes yes sana please-“

you moan when you feel her sucking at your collarbone, intending on doing exactly that.

"off." her hands are at the bottom of your shirt tugging, and you scramble up, almost knocking your forehead against hers in haste, you'd laugh but you were so pent up you couldn't think about anything other than her fucking you all night long.

her hands are cold when she slides them up your stomach, cupping your tits and you shiver at the feeling.

"trying to piss me off on purpose bringing up her name into this hm? after we just made up too." she squeezes and you gasp into her, nipples hard against her palms as she runs a thumb over the tip.

"think my pretty baby's going to come for anyone else?" she circles a nipple leaving you twitching, "i'm going to ruin you so that everytime you even come close to coming in the future, you'll only be able to think about me."

she's licking a trail down the middle of your chest, before sucking marks into the sides of your breasts, avoiding your nipples, only tracing them lightly with the tip of her thumb.

you're squirming around under her, begging and crying, eyes clenched shut, hand drifting down towards your folds, trying to alleviate some of the pressure that's built up.

she snatches your hand quickly and pins it above your head, "don't even fucking think about it."

you whine under her, trying to pull away from her grip but she has you completely under her control.

"don't do that baby. you asked for this didn't you? you're going to be a good girl and take it now." her lips come back down on your other tit, sucking and licking again, you're grinding up into nothing, stuck with the feeling of your own sticky arousal.

"p-please sana need- please- more-"

"what do you need baby? this?" she takes a nipple into her mouth then, sucking gently and flicking over it with her tongue, then popping it out of her mouth, "or this?" a hand trails lower, thumbing the waistband of your pyjama bottoms. "maybe this?" a knee comes up then, pressing right where you need her most and you’re moaning against her.

"g-god sana- fuck- all- all of it- god i need all of it-"

"be more specific sweetie. you can do it. c'mon now."

"f-fuck need you to fuck me like you said you would. need to feel your fingers inside me, your mouth wrapped around my clit, your hands gripping my ass so hard it'll leave behind handprints. just need you sana please- please-"

"mmm that's a good girl. begging for me like the slut you are. because you were so pretty i'll give you that. but you gotta talk me through it okay? if you stop i'll stop and i'm going to go fuck myself in your bed and leave you here for the rest of the night."

you whimper, nodding your head.

"words baby."

"yes, yes yes god please just-"

she smirks and then she's back at your nipples, fully sucking on them now and pulling your bottoms off along with your panties, immediately swiping a finger through your wetness. the sudden change from feeling nothing to feeling everything be stimulated was almost too much but also exactly what you needed.

"god sana please- inside- need you inside."

she's pushing one finger in and you feel yourself clench around her, already so close, desperate for her. suddenly you're remembering your actual task, but before you can formulate another thought she's pulling out and thrusting back in with another finger.

"god you're so wet for me baby. how long have you been thinking about this hm?"

"i- fuck- i'm never not thinking about you sana."

sana hums, keeping a slow, languid pace, "is that helping with your little mission tonight?"

"i- w- fuck sana faster please-"

"answer the question first."

"f-fuck i- i don't know- i c-can't think- please-"

she's pulling out and removing herself from you so that none of your skin is touching anymore.

"now? now can you think?"

"sana please fuck- yes! yes it's helping everything is helping please just need you back-" you're making grabby hands at her, trying to pull her back so you can feel her against you again.

she obliges, pushing back into you and humming, "that's a good girl."

"thank you- god sana- thank you- mm fuck thank you-" you're babbling, barely making sense when she speeds up, curling her fingers inside you just the way she knows you like, and rubbing her thumb along your clit each thrust inside.

soon enough, you're coming around her, her name and curses spilling out of your mouth but she's not done. she's crawling down your body, marking almost every inch of skin she can get her mouth on, and then latching onto your clit and sucking, fingers still pounding into you.

"f-fuck! sana! 's too much! f-fuck-"

she only hums against you, the vibrations against your clit only tightening the coil in your belly once more and the overstimulation is too much and you feel yourself coming again.

she's pulling out and you think she's finished but she flips you onto your stomach, slipping a pillow under you to lift your ass up, hands gripping the cheeks and spreading them apart, just like how you had begged her to. but then her fingers are prodding at your entrance again and she slides in, and this angle is so much deeper and you cry out, muffled against the sheets, trying to squirm away from her but she's got your ass right where she wants you.

she's leaning down, pushing in and out of you again, you can feel her chest against your back, the fact that she's still wearing her top fleetingly crosses your mind but you can still feel her hardened nipples against your skin, you arch back into her.

"my baby's not done yet. you're going to give me another one. and another one. until you've finished your little experiment right?"

you're sobbing into the sheets, the delightful mixture of pleasure and pain running through your body, your hyperaware of every single movement, every single place your skin touches, every breath she takes as she ruts her fingers into you.

you feel your third orgasm coming up when a hand is snaking a way back up your body, pinching roughly at your nipples before closing around your throat. you gulp and clench even harder around her fingers when she squeezes her hand lightly, moaning your approval.

"yeah? you like that slut?"

"y-yes o-oh god fuck- sana- fuck-"

she's squeezing tighter now and the pressure is perfect, the lightheadedness from the cutoff of oxygen combined with the overstimulation and you're coming again, thrashing into her as she releases you slowly, heaving in air as specks of black dot your vision.

you feel almost numb when she slides the pillow out from under you, turning you slightly so she can kiss you gently, and you moan at the taste of yourself on her tongue.

she's slipping a leg between yours when you realise that she's taken off her bottoms, and you gasp when the feeling of her wetness glides against your clit.

you whimper against her lips, "sana..."

"shhhh baby one more."

you're helpless against her, whining and pushing yourself into her, relishing the way her breath catches and she moans when your clits drag along each other. she's got one hand at your tit again, pinching a nipple and you need to feel more of her so you slide a hand up her top, grasping at her breast and moaning when she rocks against you just a little harder at the feeling.

your lips never leave each other, even when you're so blissed out you're just panting into her mouth, rutting against her. you're not even thinking straight when you mumble the words, slurred together and mixed with curses, but sana still catches it. "i love you."

she stops immediately, leaving you humping her like a dog, panting into her wondering why she's stopped.

she's gripping your hips, stilling you, eyes wide, "what did you just say?"

"i love you sana fuck- please- please let me come again please-"

her eyes study you, half-dazed, and then suddenly she's rutting against you again, your hands tighten around her tits just to be able to hold onto something because she's pushing against you and you're so close and her hands are basically moving your hips against hers without you even doing anything, she's moaning into your mouth, caught in her own pleasure and it's all too much when you feel her tighten her legs around you, coming with a whine and shaking, you come again, eyes closing and feeling the wave of pleasure wash over your body, twitching lightly against her in the aftershock.

when you pull apart your legs are sticky and filthy and hers aren't much better, stained with your essence, you can't even open your eyes, just letting her plant light kisses across your face and neck, holding her against you and learning to breathe again.

when she kisses your eyelids you manage to peek open, staring at her in wonder.

"did you mean it?" her eyebrows are slightly furrowed, hair sticking to her forehead, bottom lip protruding a little in a pout.

you were overcome with pleasure and overstimulation, but you remember everything you said. "i did. i love you. i'm sorry it took this long to realise it."

she sighs, eyes tearing up, "i love you too idiot."

"what about the season?"

"we'll figure that out later. let me clean you up and we can cuddle and sleep?"

you hum, whining when she leaves you to grab a damp towel, missing her warmth already. it felt painful to be without her. every second you spent apart, you were thinking about her, you can't help but laugh at how stupid you've been. you've been in love with sana for the better half of your life, you were determined to make it up to her. to show her just how much you loved her. just how much you needed her in your life.

you smile happily when she comes back, bringing her into a sweet kiss and letting her wipe at your legs. you were so, utterly, in love with her, and you finally realised it.

[teeny-tiny-revenge]

It's home cinema manufacturing time! 🏴‍☠️ Gonna put my pirate show on my shelf! (I'm doing an Arts and Crafts Project and I'm making it everyone's problem.)

After seeing how much they cost, I abandoned the idea of getting a Blu-ray writer for now. For the time being, good old DVDs is what it's going to be! My TV is old and not very big, so DVD resolution is gonna be fine.

It's been ages since I last burned a DVD. For the full experience, I'm gonna create nice menus and pretty sleeves for the boxes. Graphic design is my passion! Um.

Well. First needed to find a program to do stuff with. I'm a Linux guy, so I'm using Devede. (Which is free, btw. In case someone else wants to do a low cost spot of putting pirate show on the shelf.)

DVDs fit a maximum of 120 minutes of video. So, four episodes, I thought. But after a quick attempt, the program refused to do more than three (maybe because of the menu also taking up space, and four episodes cutting pretty close to the 120 min mark?). Anyway, three episodes per disc it is. It's a pretty nice runtime for watching the entire disc, IMO. An hour and a half, and then you can return to reality to realise you should probably eat something, or go to bed because it's midnight.

OFMD with its current two seasons has a total of eighteen episodes, which is divisible by three. You get the following setup:

Disc 1: Pilot, A Damned Man, The Gentleman Pirate - That's pretty good, Stede's introduction to piracy all on one disc!

Disc 2: Discomfort in a Married State, The Best Revenge is Dressing Well, The Art of Fuckery - All bangers. Great to watch together, our boys meet and shenanigans happen!

Disc 3: This is Happening, We Gull Way Back, Act of Grace - Many romantic moments, lots of great scenes, shit hits the fan at the end there. Alright!

Disc 4: Wherever you go, there you are, Impossible Birds, Red Flags - ... Pain and angst! What have I done!?! The disc of horrors. Gotta make sure to have tissues at hand when I watch this. But hey, it also has messy bun Ed! Small mercies.

Disc 5: The Innkeeper, Fun and Games, The Curse of the Seafaring Life. - Another disc with all winners. I love all these episodes so much! (You can watch this disc to recover from the trauma of the previous one!) But seriously, this one slaps.

Disc 6: Calypso's Birthday, Man on Fire, Mermen - Great combination again. Season finale! Love and excitement!

... Honestly, except for the psychological damage of putting all the most painful episodes together, this is coming out pretty cool. Says a lot about how good the show is. I actually really love all the episodes (yes even the painful angsty episodes of massive depression). Thinking about this little project really reminded me how much I love this entire show.

So, we got a tracklist, now menus, then we can burn this stuff!

I did the menu backgrounds in GIMP. Realised I have a big folder full of screenshots I took myself, screenshots someone else took and posted on Tumblr, official promo pics for the show, and I have no idea anymore where most of them are from, because I named the files according to what's on them. Which is useful for when you want to find pics (Need a picture of cursed suit Stede? I have files named that, easy peasy!), but not so great if you wanted to give credit to whoever took a given pic you used. (It's probably @sherlockig or @ofmd-ann or @blakbonnet. Please feel credited, your beautiful screens and gifs brighten my day, and some of them are now probably part of my DVD menus. Shrunk down and cropped, but, yeah.)

I originally wanted to structure my menus as having the title of an episode, then some pics from it, then the next episode, then pics from that, and so forth, but I couldn't convince the program to give me the necessary padding between the menu items, so I ended up just putting the episode images below the menu. Still like it.

Anyway, DVD menus can also play sound! Behold a crappy video of my beautiful creation (provided entirely for sound):

It plays Gnossienne N°5!

More crappy pics of my other disc menus:

Gonna make them some nice sleeves next. Some day. Gotta make sure they all work properly first. So. I'll be on my sofa, watching my DVDs. With menus! (Edit: here are!)

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - new entries upset the rankings

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Like most Thai BL pulps, this show doesn’t have much story to it. But I'm discovering that what it does have I actually really enjoy. I love that the gay boys got to play matchmaker for a change and I like how just GAY they are. It's nice. Refreshing.

We Are (Weds GMMTV iQIYI) ep 1-2 of 16 - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon. I like it. It’s old school Thai BL, but having fun with itself and its tropes. I’m not expecting much, so I don’t mind it waffling. All the couples are comfy. Chemistry is okay. Friendships are nifty. I like Pond's floppy hair. We fine. 

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - What an extremely bloody episode. And bad guy turned out to be very bad indeed. And now pretty much everyone is dead. Nice kiss. Of course. 

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 6 of 8 - It’s cute, they happy, not a ton happened. Random gratuitous bathing. As you do in BL. And I still think the sides should just end up in a thrupple

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Oh they very cute. Also very silly. 

1000 Years Old (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - No. NOT THE GUITAR. YES abandon guitar for the sniff test! Love this for them. And me. My most favorite trope defeated my least favorite trope. VICTORY!!!  

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 8 of 11 - It’s just so good. Baby went away, grew up, and learned how to become a temptation... and a husband. 

Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 1 of 5 eps - SooHyuk, only just surviving, reunites with YoonDae, his (brief) younger stepbrother who feels abandoned. They end up living together. The younger brother is played by Lee Jae Bin of Choco Milk Shake. OMG. STEPBROTHERS TROPE. Lucky me! Two in one season. Yay!!!! It's Korea so great visuals too. I shallow but yeah, this is great.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake. It’s utterly charming. I am charmed. Also the framing is gorgeous (of course). Very stylish.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 6fin - I don’t know. Kind of a flat ending with the leads apart for most of it. I enjoyed this show but it never really hit with me. 

Summation

After a teen betrayal and resulting separation a reporter reunites with his first love. That love wants him back. I enjoyed the authenticity of a reunion romance explored in Japan's quintessentially contemplative yet surreal way. The juxtaposition of the tenderness of the sex scenes with this Japanese style of authenticity was oddly elegant but all in all this still fell a little flat for me. There's nothing objectively wrong with it, but in total the narrative felt sluggish and the main couple were just... stiff (in the wrong way). Frankly, I'd rather just rewatch Tokyo in April is. 8/10

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 3-4 of 12 - What is going on with this show? No, I get the plot. I just don't get the show or why I’m watching it. Annoying. 

It's done, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

To Be Continued (Sat C3 Thailand grey) ep 7-8fin - I can't for the life of me find the final 2 episodes. Haven't had a real hunt, but yeah. No dice so far.

It's airing but...

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari (Japan Furritsubs) eps 1-? of 10 - I may wait and binge it.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) 6 eps - It’s so boring DNFed at 2.

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) 6 - The problem with situational comedy BL is it must be situational, comedic and a BL. This show gets 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. Dropped at 3.

Memory in the Letter (Thai WeTV) - only 4 eps, tell me if I should bother?

Next Week Looks Like This:

4/18 At 25:00 in Alaska AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn. I think I've seen this before (joke) and also the trailer doesn't inspire confidence.

Still to Come in April

4/25 Boys Be Brave! AKA Roommates (Korea Thurs Viki) 8 eps - Trailer Jung Ki Sub is Kim Jin Woo's slacker friend - and secret crush. So when Ki Sub crashes at his place, his heart tingles to be near him everyday. But as the short stay turns into permanent mooch, how long can Jin Woo keep his true feelings under wraps and hold back from confessing?

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous pairing) and Best, news here. But will it actually air this month?

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Sniff test turning into a make out sesh? Please and thank you. City of Stars

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a bother.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[hawkins-losers]

yesss we want the elvira x eddie

This has been on my list since season 4 came out... Forgive me for writing it 2-3 years later (how long has it been since season 4 came out? Feels forever ago)

Happy spooky season! I miss writing for these characters

—

In girl world, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. 

Early in October, you decided to test the waters by making Eddie watch a movie with a character you had been thinking of dressing up as this Halloween. Witches were always your favorite, but you wanted to see his reaction first, see if he would like it. 

Although you doubted this character left any men unbothered.

Your dress was a little risqué, the deep plunging neckline making the girls shine. It took a few trials and errors to get the makeup right, but you finally got it and made your way to Eddie’s house. His jaw was going to drop. 

When he opened the door and saw the Mistress of the Dark standing there, he nearly choked. ‘’Jesus Christ," he breathed, the sight making blood rush south.

A smile of satisfaction bloomed on your lips. ‘’My appearance is kind of a shock to everybody.’’

Eddie quickly pulled you inside, not wishing for his perverted neighbor to use you as material to rub his cock and saggy balls. Those tits were his to stare at and touch and suck…and fuck.

‘’Are you trying to kill me looking like that?'' He lets out a low whistle as his gaze continues to roam over your figure. 

You leaned in closer, letting your voice drop to a sultry purr. ‘’I thought of wearing her spider bra with the tassels, but figured that might actually kill you on the spot.’’ 

Eddie’s eyes darkened, and a grin tugged at the corners of his lips. ‘’The spider bra?!’’ he repeated, vividly remembering the specific scene from the movie where Elvira wears it. ‘’Fuck.’’ 

‘’I even practiced the twirling she does with it,’’ you added, a wicked glint in your eyes.

Eddie groaned. ‘’I’m gonna have that image in my head all night…’’ He moved closer to you and gently placed his hands on your hips as he looked down at you, a smirk on his lips as he imagined you in the spider bra. ‘’Do we have to go to Harrington’s party?’’  

He would much rather stay here and have you to himself. The costume could stay on, he can work around that.

‘’Of course we do, we promised Steve we’d be there,’’ you said, taking Eddie’s hands off your body so he wouldn‘t try to convince you to stay in. ‘’And I told Robin I would help her with Vickie. I can’t let her down.’’

Eddie groaned once more. He felt like a child who got told ‘no’ after asking if they can get dessert before supper. 

‘’I didn’t say we can’t find a room at Steve’s and have some…fright-night fun.’’ 

Your voice was laced with a suggestive promise, which made the corner of Eddie’s mouth curl in anticipation. ‘’Now, you’re talking, Mistress of the Dark,’’ he breathed, leaning in, his lips hovering just a breath away from yours.

But before he could kiss you, you slipped from his grasp and took a step back. ‘’Where’s your costume? Steve said it was mandatory.’’ 

Eddie, still in his regular band tee shirt and jeans, held up a Michael Myers mask and pointed at a lump of blue on the couch. ‘’Here.’’ 

You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms as you gave him a once-over. ‘’Your work mechanic overalls and a Michael Myers mask? That’s the lowest effort one’s ever made for a Halloween costume,’’ you scoffed, shaking your head. 

A creative person like Eddie could have done so much better. A few weeks ago, he talked about being Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. He would have looked damn good as a rugged ranger, with a sword and medieval warrior attire. Maybe then you would have agreed to skip Steve’s party. 

He rolled his eyes. ‘’Oh come on, it’s not that bad. Michael Myers is a classic, babe.’’ 

Halloween and its antagonist were a cult classic, but costume wise, it was unoriginal. There’s probably going to be at least three other Michael Myers at the party. 

‘’If by classic you mean a very common and lazy costume, I agree.’’ You grabbed the overalls and pushed them at Eddie’s chest. ‘’Now, hurry and put it on. I need to get there before Robin starts to drink and the word vomit gets unstoppable.’’

—

Taglist: @broadway-or-noway @violetsleftfist @thelaststraw3  @cursedandromedablack  @Slashersimpfor  @savagejane1   @wh0reforbucknasty   @eddiemunson-slut   @slvdsjjk  @hehehehannahthings  @dreamdancers-world  @eddiemunsonbby  @notbeforelong  @lexi-2004 @violetrainbow412-blog  @tatespillows  @alwayslexii  @lilygreennn   @milkiane  @imahomeslice  @bunnygrl16 @cwritesforfun @marauders3rawh0re  @your-mom21 @parkersmyth @voguesir @milkiane @andrewgarfields-girlfriend @lilygreennn @alexxavicry @charlie-chick  @wandamaximoffs-deadchild  @horrorstreet  @rmeddar123  @pastel-abyss-x @lil-tracys  @luvmybbies  @chloepricesgrafitimarker  @inluvweddiemunson @i-like-trains @kittenfrostt @simp-for-slasher @m-rae23 @kenzi-woycehoski @amberputh  @sea040561 @wayfaring----stranger @amberputh @starstruckspring @nluvwitheddiemunson @yourfavoriteakutagawakinnie @kiszkathecook @Original_babababoo @kittenfrostt @yourfavdummy @kenzi-woycehoski @violetsleftfist

Eddie Munson taglist: @nighttwingg @yourfavoriteakutagawakinnie @heizenka @eddiemvunsongf @Eddie_munsons_girlfriend @magicalchocolatecheesecake @eddiemunsonistheloveofmylife @avril-reblog-cave @Fandomfaeryreads @harrys-tittie @straycatarang @fourlokiss  @eddiemattress  @ghoulishlygrey   @paola-carter @bubsonnobx @pauldanoswifereal @ofherscarlettwitchways @kiszkathecook  @truewdw1 @bubsonnobx @ohhrexella @Dreamtiara @pastelbabygirl19  @steves-robin @eddiemunsonbby @jenlouvre @bonked-beyond-belief2  @tvserie-s-world @bootlegmothman420 @courtmr @chrisxevans-seb @satinselenite @thikkiesixx  @jennilynn63  @nia-um  @welcometohellfirw @strangermarvelgirl @sugar-simz @fandomloversvaries @miakatharinaa  @julsss321 @m1rkw00dpr1ncess  @Minksblog @soph69420world  @ameliakf13 @nancewheelersworld @parasadic-blog @nluvwitheddiemunson @veniceb1tch88 @ali-r3n @Luv.eddie @stephylovesmayahawke @ruinedbythehobbit @sweetheart-im-the-boss @jusstdreaaming @hoeformunsonandhargrove @buckyswhxre @tomspidertingle @stormyparker @thechoiceslookgrimm @ilikechocolatemilkh @bbylyneth @bobafettsleftglove @princesseddie @yourfavdummy @xbreezymeadowsmunsonx @rosaliesrealwife @munsonswhore86 @eddiescvmslvt @slightlyvicked

[sarah-bear706318]

Chasing Storms and Finding Love. Chapter 4

Series Summary: When Tyler's baby sister joins him and his team for a season she seems to catch the eye of a certain StormPar member much to her brothers dismay... will she listen listen to her big brother or follow her heart?

Chapter Summary: Reader Tyler and the wranglers head to a country bar to celebrate Y/n first chase. Reader and Scott get closer share a dance and maybe a kiss🤭

Pairing: Scott Miller X fem!reader, Tyler Owens x sister!reader

Warnings: Sneaking around, Pissed off Tyler, Love Struck Scott, ALOTS of kissing, A little age gap, Cussing, Drinking, Storms(duh), Falling in love, Slow burn

@nikkicloudie @papichulo120627 @thespillingvoid @turnerintoabutler @lindsayjoy444

A/N: The reader was a sorority sister and I am using the same sorority and the letters as the one from the show Greek that was on years ago, just so I don't accidentally use the letters or name of a real sorority house.

With your first chase now done you sit on the tailgate of your brothers truck looking up at the sky. As the adrenaline wore off your mind was able to really absorb what you just witnessed. Yeah you saw your brothers stream his videos and pictures from inside a tornado hell you have a PhD in Meteorology, seeing it up close was something totally different. It was safe to say you wanted more!

Tyler comes over and slings his arm around you and sits down. "So what'd you think" he ask. You look over to him with a smile and tears forming "It was the most amazing incredible thing I have ever witnessed. Thank you so much TyTy" you say using the nickname you gave him when you were 3.

"Wow haven't heard that name in since you were 12" he laughs and you smack his shoulder. "I'm glad you liked it and I got to share it with my favorite little sister"

"I'm your only little sister jackass" "that's why your my favorite" you just roll your eyes and laugh.

"So I was thinking to celebrate your first chase we can go to this country bar down the street from the hotel...they have karaoke and a mechanical bull" he says knowing you can't say no to that.

"Well hell yeah let's go" you yell as you jump off the truck "but I'm showing first as beautiful as that twister was I feel gross" "that's fine get in the truck" Tyler says opening your door then doing around to get in the drivers seat.

After about an hour drive you, Tyler, Boone and the rest of the crew pull into the parking a lot of the hotel. When Tyler parks you get out you stretch your legs, out of the corner of your eye you see Scott and Javi walking over to the truck and you start to smile.

"So how you fun sweetheart" Scott ask as he gets closer, your heart flutters at the nickname and you smile.

"After Tyler fixed the drill yes it was amazing and so beautiful, it was nothing like I have ever seen before!" you beam

"Yeah we saw the stream that shit was crazy" Javi said

"Yall watched the stream really?" you say looking at Scott feeling a little embarrassed due to your freak out, but also giddy knowing Scott watched. From what you have been told Scott never watches the stream.

"Yeah of course we watched couldn't miss your first chase Dr. Owens" Javi said "Plus Scott wanted to make sure you were ok he about had a heart attack watching" he looks over to Scott and smirks. Scott's eyes go wide and his face turns beat read.

You feel the blood rushing to your cheeks knowing Scott was worried about you "You were worried about me" you say softly with a smile

"Well...you know...driving straight into a tornado...isnt umm safe..." Scott is stumbling over his words but its the cutest thing you have ever seen.

"Thats sweet of you to worry" you say and shift your from one leg to another. "So we are going to this country bar down the street to celebrate my first chase if yall wanna join" You say looking in between the guy. "theres karaoke and a mechanical bull" you say in a sing song voice adding "oh and plenty of jack daniels cant forget the whiskey" you laugh

The guys look at each other and nod before Scott reply's "yeah sounds fun. What time you thinking" "Hold on let me ask Ty" say before turning around calling your brothers name.

Tyler heads you way looking at Scott then to you, "Whats up sis" "I asked Scott and Javi to join us they wanna know what time" You see your brother's eyes narrow at you and the two of you have a silent conversation you can tell he doesn't want Scott to come but he also has never been able to say no to his little sister. "I was thinking around 8 that good, gives my crew time to shower and all"

"Yeah sounds good" Javi says and Scott nods.

"Great well I'm gonna shower get all the grossness off me and get ready I'll see yall in a bit" you say with a smile letting your eyes linger on Scott for a second longer, then you head to your room, looking even more excited about tonight.

After you shower, you do your makeup in a darker smokey eye with a nude lip stick and decide to leave your hair down and just straighten it. After looking at everything you own at least 100 times you finally decide on an orange halter that ties at the waist some cut off short shorts and of course your cowgirl boots and hat. You are from Texas after all!

As youre putting the finishing touches on you hear the door and see your brother come in dressed in his cowboy getup, he got ready ready in Bonne and Dexters room to give you some privacy.

"oh hell no you better change that is so much skin and those shorts are way to short" Tyler says putting his hands on his hips trying to give you the same look yalls dad gives you.

"No this outfit is cute and I showed more skin at the longhorn games in my cheer outfit"

"Year well I didn't like that outfit either"

"You did on my ZBZ sisters" Tyler didnt have an argument and he knew it

"Fine lets go" Tyler rolls his eyes and opens the door as you grab your stuff smirking knowing you won

You get to the bar you head inside to meet everyone. Tyler had told you on the way over that his and Javi's friend Kate was coming in from NYC and her plane just landed so she would also be joining everyone.

After your hellos to the crew you head to the bar for your first drink of the night. You stand there for a few moments before the bartender comes over to get your drink order. "Can I get a double jack and coke with a lime please" The bartenders nods and lets you know he'll be back in a few. You look over to your brother and his crew and see a new girl hugging your brother, that must be Kate shes pretty you think to yourself and by the way your brother is looking at her he thinks so too.

The bartender comes back with your drink "Thats $12 miss" you reach into your pocket to pull out your card when a voice stops you "Put her drinks on my tab tonight and can I bud light in a bottle" you look over and see Scott handing the bartender his card, and oh have mercy does this man look amazing.

He's out of his white StormPar button up and blue slacks and instead wearing a tight black tee shirt with blue jeans. He's still wearing his ball cap but no sunglasses. It takes your brain to catch up to your mouth so you can speak.

"Scott thank you but you don't have to keep paying for my stuff" you say with a laugh

"I know I just wanted to buy a beautiful girl a drink" when he says that you know your blushing hard, so you look away. The bartender comes back with his beer and Scott thanks him and takes a sip and looks over to you.

Before you can say anything else to get your flirt with Scott your brother is by your side slinging his arm around your shoulder "hes such a cock block" you think to yourself. "Y/n this is Kate the friend i was telling you about, Kate this is my little sister "Dr. Y/n Owens" you roll your eyes wgen he calls you by the formal name.

"Just Y/n is fine please its nice to meet you my brother says good things about you" you see your brother blush

The four of you stand at the bar and talk( well you and Kate talk your brother and Scott just stare at each other) and finish your drinks

"Y/n" everyone turns at the sound of your name and sees Javi and Boone heading for the bar "Wanna do a shot with us toast your first chase" Javi ask. "Hell yes I never turn down a shots" you say waving the bartender over. " 6 shots of jack and can I get another jack and coke please" Y/n says, once again trying and failing to pull her card when Scott stops her.

"I told you sweetheart your drinks are on my tab tonight" you smile at the name and you hear your brother go to say something but you elbow him in the stomach then hear Boone choke on his drink laughing.

" I'm not gonna have you pay for everyone" "It doesn't matter its on me" he says and tells the bartender to once again add it to his tab.

The bartender comes back with all 6 shots and your drinks a few minutes later. You all hold up your shot glasses when Boone speaks up

"May all your ups and downs and in's and out's be under the covers bottoms up" you all laugh and do your shots

Another couple drinks later you have a little buzz going and have got more of a nerve to flirt with Scott, even with the daggers keep throwing your way.

"So Y/n T tells us you have a good voice you gonna get up there and sing for us" you here Boone ask from across the table. "I was planning to, I was queen of karaoke at the ZBZ house" "Well sis noone is up there go do your thing" Tyler says Before you can say anything the whole table is begging you to go you roll your eyes and down your drink and head to the stage

You pick your go to song (Heads Carolina, Tails California ) grab the mic, and take a deep breath its been so long but hearing your friends and brother cheering you on makes you smile. You nod your head to the DJ and the song starts

"Baby, what do you say we just get lost

Leave this one horse town like two rebels without a cause

I've got people in Boston, ain't your daddy still in Des Moines

We can pack up tomorrow, tonight let's flip a coin"

As you're signing you look and see Scott smiling from ear to ear. You wonder what he thinks of your singing voice and hoping you dont mess up. You start getting more comfortable on stage and start to add some dancing. As the last part of the song some up you hear your brother yell "Thats my sister" and you smile

"Oh, heads Carolina, tails California

Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer

Up in the mountains, down by the ocean

Where it don't matter, long as we're goin'

Somewhere together, I've got a quarter

Heads Carolina, tails California

Oh California, ooh-ooh, ooh yeah

Carolina

California"

When the song some to an end you make your way over to the table everyone giving you high fives and telling you how good you sound. You make it to your seat over by Scott and see he's smiling.

"You have a really good voice" he says as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into a hug and you felt the butterflies go crazy.

"Thank you I guess if storm chasing doesnt work out I can always move to Nashville" you laugh.

All of a sudden the music and you hear the tunes of Dylan Scott "Can't have mine" and Scott holds his hand out to you "Can I have this dance" all you can do is not and he leads you out on the dance floor.

You and Scott dance in comfortable silence for a minute before he speaks up.

"I'm really happy you came to chase with your brother, I really like you Y/n"

"I really like you too Scott" you say before laying your head on his chest.

When the songs ends you and Scott are still dancing lost in your own little world. When you finally pull apart you look over to the table and see everyone looking with smiles on their face, well everyone but you brother who is looking like he wants to throw Scott in the middle of a tornado.

You go back to the table hand in hand with Scott. After another couple rounds everyone at the table starts to break off some going back to the hotel some playing pool and others we wont name names(Boone is trying to get someone to go home with him).

Its after 1 in the morning and you are ready to go the days events catching up to you, but your brother just started a game of 2 on 2 pool with Javi Kate and Lily so Scotts offers to take you back to the hotel. You text your brother to let him and head out to Scotts truck.

He opens the door and helps you in then goes to the drivers side. The hotel is only a few miles down the road so the trip doesn't take long, before you know it you are pulling into the parking lot. Scott parks the truck and runs to your side to help you out. The small gesture makes your heart beat faster.

Scott walks you up the stairs and to your door. You both stands there looking at each other before you break the silence. "Here take my number" Scott smiles and hands over his phone for you to put the number in, then you send yourself a text so you have his.

"I had a great time tonight and thank you for the dance and all my drinks, you're gonna have to let me pay back one day" you smile and laugh

"I'll dance with you anytime sweetheart, as for the drinks you never have to pay me back I'll buy you're drinks anytime" He says with a smile.

You unlock your door and look back at him "Good night Scott" "Good night sweetheart" he says then he leans in and presses his lips you yours.

The kiss is short and sweet and has you seeing stars. You can tell from that one kiss you want it all with this man. You pull away and smile at him as you walk into your room and close the door. You touch your lips wondering if that just really happened...Yes Yes it did.

You take off your make up brush your teeth and get ready for bed. As you are crawling under the covers you hear your phone ding..

🩵ScottyBlueEyes🩵: Good Night beautiful

You text him back put your phone up and turn off the light, and you go to sleep with the biggest smile. This is the start of something beautiful you just know it.

[robinbuckleysfringe]

you are in love.

tom blyth social media au

pairing: tom blyth x reader

warnings: none

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 year later

*yninstagram has posted*

tagged joekeery, nataliadyer, maya_hawke, sadiesink, calebmclaughlin, gatenm123, noahschnapp, millybobbybrown, finnwolfhard, josephquinn & strangerthings

liked by tomholland2013, rachelzegler, tomblyth, florencepugh and others

yninstagram in honour of season 5 finally being released, here's some bts pics from earlier seasons that never made it to the 'gram. love to all involved with making this final season such a blast ❤️

View comments

tomblyth proud of you!! can't wait to watch!!

↪️ rachelzegler watch party at yours then, yeah?

↪️ hunterschafer omw 🫶🏻

↪️ joshandresrivera rach said to tell you that we're getting on the next plane to see you, so don't start the final season till we're there 💕

↪️ yninstagram oh my goshhhh, love you guys 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💕

florencepugh cannot wait to watch you shine ❤️⭐️⭐️⭐️

↪️ yninstagram 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

strangerthings it's been a pleasure 🫶🏻

↪️ yninstagram 🫶🏻

gatenm123 thanks for being the best onscreen sister. already missing you ❤️

↪️ yninstagram love you gaten ❤️

sadiesink we all love you!!! thanks for keeping the boys in check 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

↪️ yninstagram 🫡❤️

joekeery thanks for making the last few years so much fun and parenting these children with me xx

↪️ yninstagram love you forever joe 🫡🫶🏻💕

millybobbybrown aww, missing you already y/n ❤️❤️❤️

↪️ yninstagram miss you too mils ❤️

josephquinn congrats on the final season x

↪️ yninstagram thanks joe. wish you could've been there, set felt quiet without you this season 💔😥

user can't believe it's the final season 😭😭😭😭

user I'm so excited!!

user don't know if I can bring myself to watch, I don't want the show to end!! 😭😭😭

user ahhhhh!!!! so excited to finally watch it!!

☆☆☆

*yninstagram has posted*

tagged tomblyth

liked by rachelzegler, jacobelordi, zendaya, hunterschafer and others

yninstagram one year of loving you. happy anniversary love ❤️🫶🏻😘

View comments

tomblyth love you sweetheart ❤️😘

↪️ yninstagram love you too ❤️❤️❤️

rachelzegler obsessed with the way Tom is holding lenny. happy anniversary guys 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

↪️ yninstagram love you rach ❤️

↪️ tomblyth thanks rach xx

hunterschafer congrats on finally becoming insta official xxx

↪️ yninstagram thanks hunter 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

user omg they're actually together???

user I know they've been rumoured together since beginning of 2024 but it stills feels crazy for y/n to drop this on us

user omg tom and lenny 🥺🥺🥺

user the 3rd pic 🥹🥹🥹. they look so happy together 🥺🥺🥺

user omg mum and dad are actually dating!!!

user they're so cute wtf

user stopppp this is so cute!!!!!

☆☆☆

*tomblyth has posted*

tagged yninstagram

liked by rachelzegler, yninstagram, joshandresrivera, hunterschafer and others

tomblyth happy anniversary my love, can't wait to see what the next year brings us ❤️

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yninstagram love you big time 😘🥰❤️

↪️ tomblyth love you ❤️

rachelzegler you guys are too cute 😍😍😍

↪️ yninstagram rach stopppp 🥺🥺🥺

hunterschafer ❤️

user tom's first post in ages and its for their anniversary??? I can't 🥹🥹🥹

user they're literally so cute together wtf

user so iconic of them to go insta official with an anniversary post tbh

user I want what they have so bad omg 😭😭😭

user they're so in love omg 🥺🥺

☆☆☆

*yninstagram has posted*

tagged zendaya, tomholland2013, rachelzegler, joshandresrivera, tomblyth & hunterschafer

yninstagram a little snippet of recent life 🐶🫶🏻💕

View comments

tomholland2013 it was so lovely to see you again x

↪️ yninstagram miss you guys 🫶🏻🫶🏻

zendaya aw, love you y/n 💕

↪️ yninstagram love you Z

joshandresrivera do you think we'll be allowed back in that restaurant?

↪️ yninstagram absolutely not

↪️ user omg, what happened??

rachelzegler you did me so dirty with that photo. I really look like I don't wanna be there

↪️ yninstagram we were basically 3rd wheeling while our boyfriends went out on a date

↪️ rachelzegler 100%

tomblyth loved our double date with rach and josh

↪️ yninstagram you mean your date with josh and me and rach 3rd wheeling

↪️ joshandresrivera 😂 love you, man x

hunterschafer haven't seen you in so long!!! miss you already girly!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

↪️ yninstagram miss you tooooo!!!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

user need me a friend that takes cute pictures of me like that

user y/n's really living the best life out here

user omg tom and zendaya are so cute!!!

user omgggg love that photo of tom, josh and rachel!!

user rachel's face has me creasing omg 😂😂😂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

one more part left of this little series :((

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 9

♡ Chapter Inspo: Lyrics; Awkward (SZA) “You look at me different, so I let you see my body - now we don't seem to get along, now I regret it all.” ♡♡》》𝟙𝟠+ 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℂ! ℕ𝕆 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕆ℝ𝕊 𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔻《《♡♡ ♡ Summary: Carm closes his day off w/ Winnie. Winnie, Syd, & Sadie shoot the shit, and disconnect Winnies mushy heart from her hook-up antics. Carm feels rejected by Winnie not knowing the whole story, and lands himself back in a support group (by choice). Sugar wins Big Sissy of the year award. ♡ W/C: 9,444 (angel #’s purr!) ♡ Posted Date: 02/23/24 ♡ A/N: Hayoooo! I hope y’all love this chap. - Next one will be long and juicy since its the 10th… hm.. Not feelin’ very wordy for some reason. Oh!! I saw the new ep. Of The Good Doctor- I MISSED MY SHAUN MURPHY!!!! I <3 MY GOOD DOCTOR!!! Anyhoot- ennjoooy this chap frayndss :D ♡ Warnings for BTC: MAJOR talks of Suicide, grief talk, sad / insecure Carm, swearing, smoking, drinking(cant remember so just in case?), mentions of chronic pain, think that’s all.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈

Winnie’s P.O.V. -

I came back to the bedroom, teeth freshly brushed and glasses on. “Ready for some Drag education?” I joke, getting our fluffy blankets from the foot of the bed and draping them over us. “Mm drag education. Sounds fun” he opened his arm so I could lay on his chest. I laid down comfortably and he chuckled a bit. 

“What?” I asked and he curled his arm around me, gently rubbing my side. “Nothin’ just didn’t realize you wear glasses” he said and I look up at him with a small smile on my lips “mmhmm just another one of my faults, eyes that don’t work” I joke and he snorts, “you have no faults” he said brushing my bangs out of my eyes gently. 

“Okay enough flirting, mister” I poked his nose and leaned over him, grabbing the remote from my nightstand and turning on the tv. I went to Paramount and typed in the title, scrolling to drag race season 15 “okay…so this is last season, a lot of the queens are from Connecticut, but you’ll get the gist of it- and learn all the phrases that Sadie and I use” I said and hit play on the first episode. 

“Oh! Yeah that’s why my stomach hurts” I sit up and he scrunches his eyebrows “What?” He asks “forgot I was hungry. Watch! I’ll go make the rest of the pizza” I went out to the kitchen before he could reply, and preheat the oven putting the rest of our pizza from last night on a tray and popping it in, not bothering to wait for it to beep before coming back. “Okay so, I like the cute one, the little one” he points and I giggle, “Marcia Marcia Marcia?” I ask and he scrunches his eyebrows. 

“See they have weird names” he said his eyes flicking back to the tv as Rupaul came out and he raised his eyebrows ``wow” he muttered “thought he was a drag queen?” He questioned. “Not in the workroom babe, just watch” I settled back into his chest and played with his fingers, finding it adorable how he was so engrossed in it. I watched along with him for the mini photoshoot challenge and he scoffs softly “see…I hate her makeup it looks- it looks weird.” He muttered and I giggled. 

“See! I told you you’d love this show” I look up at him and he rolls his eyes “you tell no one at work we watched this, I’ll never hear the end” he said and I laugh, looking back at the screen “mm well…I guess another reason to behave yourself” I said smugly and he pinches my bum playfully. After a while I started to smell the pizza and sat up “be back, lovey” I said softly, shuffling off to the kitchen. I divided up the remaining 4 slices on my plastic strawberry shortcake plates and opened my fridge. 

“Carm, do you want cherry coke?” I called “Sure” he replied. I grabbed 2 cans, a few pieces of paper towel, and our plates, before heading back to the bedroom. “Irene somethin’ won the challenge-thing” he sits up, leaning against the headboard. “Got 2,500 bucks just for that. Good money” he took the plate and I handed him the can of soda and I smiled a bit. 

“Mmhmm, they win like 200,000 at the end” I said and his eyebrows raised “wow, hmm. High stakes then” he continues watching along with me as we eat our pizza. We were snuggled up, at the end of the third episode and he sighs softly, rubbing my side to get my attention. “Honey” he mumbled gently and I looked up at him. 

“I gotta…Y'know '' he said with a slight frown and lifted his hand to motion to the door. “Got work in the mornin’..” he said and I pout a bit, “I know…I know” I sighed and sat up, “it was nice, y’know- spending time with you..” I said and pulled on my bear paw slippers as he slipped his hoodie over his head. 

“It was really nice, Win, I’ll call you, yeah?” He comes over opens his arms for a hug. I nuzzle into his chest, closing my eyes. “Mmhmm, I’ll leave my ringer on for you” I said softly, breathing in the scent of his cologne, subconsciously trying to memorize it. “Y’gonna try and come down for lunch sometime this week? Mm? I can make y’somethin’” he said and kissed the top of my head sweetly. I smiled a bit, resting my chin on his chest as I looked up at him. 

“Now that I have two friends there, I’ll be sure to stop by more often” I said softly, and puckered my lips for a kiss. He leans down, kissing my lips tenderly, lingering for a moment before pulling away. “I look forward to seein’ you more, then.” He said and rubbed my back gently before pulling away. I walked him to the door, handing him his backpack after he slipped on his sneakers and once he put it on I pulled him by the straps, kissing him passionately, running my fingers through his curls, and gently tugging. 

He hummed into my mouth, his hands trailing beneath my shirt and squeezing my bum in his palms before stroking my thighs with the tips of his fingers gently as he leans against the wall in our heated make out. After a minute or two he pulls away, our lips only mere inches apart. “Baby, I gotta go, yeah?” He said softly and kissed my nose. I jetted out a pout with my bottom lip and looked at him up through my lashes. “Yeah” I mumbled, and pulled him into one last hug before opening the door. 

“Be free” I shooed with my hand playfully and he chuckled. “Until next Saturday yeah? I’ll be waiting to see what happens to our bunny friend” he pecks my lips on the way out the door and I smiled. “Mmhmm, don’t work too hard this week” I said and he rolled his eyes jokingly. “Mm- ye’ I’ll try” he said and I shook my head with a grin, shutting the door. I leaned against it with my full weight, and sighed deeply when I knew he was well out of earshot, sliding to the floor pathetically in a heap, covering my face in my hands. 

I need to process this. 

I hastily got up off of the floor, padding heavily into my bedroom, and picking up my phone off the charger. It smells like him in here - and I’m unsure how I felt about it. I grabbed my bong and a lighter, as well as my little lavender tin of pre-ground flower, and went to sit out on the balcony outside my bedroom, FaceTiming Sadie. She answers by the end of the second ring.

“Biiiitch - ok wait, you didn’t call last night so before you start- Say hey Syddd! We’re wine drunkkk” She giggled, already gone- and turned her phone on it’s side, leaning it up against god only knows what so I could see them both together and I bit my lip, trying to appear happy. Shit. 

I just wanted to air out everything to Sadie but of course she and Syd are hanging out- when she isn’t with me she was with her. This was going to be harder to navigate then I thought. 

I stuffed my bowl full of flower with my fingers, “hey!” I said trying to sound enthusiastic and I lit it, taking a deep inhale. 

“Dude did you fuck him I need all the details like - S-O-U Winnie!!!” Sydney said and I nearly choked out a lung laughing, completely not expecting her to be so open about me being with him knowing how she’d ranted about her frustrations about him before. Sadie busts out laughing and I try to catch my breath, drool pooling in my mouth. I dashed inside, grabbing my water bottle and taking a few big chugs before returning. 

“Sydney” I said once I caught my breath and looked at her, we all went silent for a few short moments, and before I knew it we were all giggling together again over nothing. “Stop! Stop stoppp we need details Winnie!” Sadie said when she caught her breath and I shook my head, unsure where to even start. “Well…Syd do you still want to fuck him?” I ask and she snorts loudly. “No absolutely not. Not anymore. I just stand that asshole at this point.” She rolled her eyes, taking another sip of her wine. 

“How do you mean?” I asked, lighting my bowl again to take a proper hit. She shakes her head, playing with the end of one of her braids. “Dude,  Where do I even start?” she sighed deeply, thinking for a moment. “Okay, well let’s start with the fact that he’s so fucking selfish. Winnie- the only thing, and you’ll learn this sooo fast- the only thing he cares about, is easing his own fucking- his inadequacy!!” She said, talking with her hands as she usually did when she got passionate, just like Sadie and I. 

“Expand” I said after I exhaled, crossing my legs and Sadie took a big gulp of her wine, knowing she was about to listen to the following complaints for the third or fourth time over now. “Well, firstly, for starters- I’ll tell you the real reason he fucked around with that girl Claire. Because it’s what Mikey would’ve wanted him to do. Same reason he opened the new restaurant. Because he only cares about proving to himself that his brother would be proud of him. But- but he doesn’t even want to be happy! When that is really what Mikey would have wanted, I mean- right?” She asked and I swallowed thickly, nodding a bit. 

“N-no. No you’re right and - yeah that’s his biggest issue so far” I said and she laughed, covering her mouth. “Sorry sorry it’s not funny it’s just…wow he hasn’t even behaved himself? Hid it? Like…” she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Winnie-  I love you. You know tha, right, really. ” she said, I nodded quickly, my chest tightening. “He’s not a person to get involved with. Even for the dick. Even if it’s good which- I can’t say I haven’t thought about it - but you’re a sweet person Winnie. And as much as you want to think he deserves you - despite him being a little bitch. he does not deserve someone like you - period. Because he will forever push you away. We know how you are, and we know better than you know how he is. So, this will be my one and only warning about him - do not get involved.” She said and I bit my lip, nodding quickly. 

Don’t get involved further, Syd wouldn’t lie just because she wanted him for herself. She really, truly loves me, she’s one of my best friends.

I stare off into the distance, that thought bouncing around in my thoughts and the entirety of the day suddenly feeling…wrong. “Ok so now that we got that out of the way- how was it. Like is it big? Also how…like good is he?” she asked and I sat back, sighing softly. “That was another…downfall…even though it’s not even really a downfall!” I shake my hands for emphasis. “It’s literally- he’s so good like…well- he’s not pussy eating champion 2024 but” I said, earning a giggle out of them. 

“I was riding his face while we were 69 so it wasn’t like bound to be the best for me - but anyway he is huge! Like not long, but thick” I said, lighting my bowl and taking another hit. “Cut or uncut?” Sadie asked, causing me to snort, smoke coming out of my nose and I coughed a bit. “Guys - Italian Catholic? Cut” I said matter-of-factly and Syd laughed. “Okay but - please don’t tell me he has all that rage and doesn’t take it out in the bed?” She questioned and I shook my head. 

“He's actually like…shy? Even in bed! But he’s so hot you’ve seen him shirtless, right Syd?” I asked and she nods “oh- yeah. Of course. So…what like virgin shy?” She asked and I bit my lip slightly as I thought. “Kinda but like- he’s done it - but it’s been once or twice and that’s it like he got all his bases covered, practiced everything a few times - and that’s it, but when he commits he commits and he listens oh my goddd!” I close my eyes thinking about it and Sadie laughed. 

“At least he knows how to follow directions in bed if anywhere good” Sydney said while taking a sip of wine and I laughed. “Ohhh my god! Oh my god. He’s like- low key a sub but I’d neverrr tell him because he’d never let me touch him again, I know it.” I went inside, closing the balcony door and setting my bong on my dresser before sitting on my bed. “Well yeah but I mean- wow” Syd blinks in surprise, taking in what I’d said. “Wow.” She hummed in thought and I laughed. 

“What?” I asked “well- I mean like I said multiple times he’s an asshole at work, so with how brute and bossy he is, I like assumed he’d be like ‘get on your knees slut’ kinda guy? That was my fantasy anyways“ she mocked Carmen and I burst out laughing, “oh my god I wish” I said gasping in laughter. This is exactly what I needed. I needed to rip the bandaid off, because I knew Carmen wasn’t going to keep his promise, how he acted before we took a nap solidified it. He hates being with someone more than once.

“I wish. I had to beg him practically to tell me that he liked what I was doing. Like, isn't praise the first thing in porn?” I roll my eyes, petting Persephone as she jumps up. “Wait- wait- you had to tell Carmen Berzatto how to do something” she laughed, her head falling back. “Dude- oh my god! You are my saving grace. I am so glad I never slept with him. I'd have been so disappointed!” she said and I snorted. “That’s what I was gonna tell Sadie when I called actually… I mean- like I said he follows directions sooo well, but I wanted him to throw me around a little and he didn’t” I shrugged, picking at my nails. 

“So if he asks, will you see him again?” She asked and I nibbled the inside of my lip nervously. “We had like…. We cuddled and stuff I’m never-“ swallowed thickly, my heart beginning to ache- remembering how attached I’d really felt to the day we’d had together, underneath all the anger I was feeling that he was so emotionally guarded. “I’m not doing that again- ever with him. But he has a really nice dick- we fucked in the shower?” I laughed and Sadie and Syd burst out laughing again. 

“And ohh my god. The most dominant thing he did was like spank me- I don’t know what came over him! I was like oop!” I giggled and Sadie snorted, Syd leaning over the table in laughter. “Sooo he made you finish?!” Sadie asks and I nod “oh yeah- I mean. Like I said. He listens really well he just needs to be told what to do.” I said. “So he fucks like a puppy?” Syd teased and I rolled my eyes, laughing a bit. “In a way. But it’s like- he can learn. That’s why I’m kinda like…” I sighed softly, looking away. 

“I dunno..I dunno” I shook my head and sighed a bit. “The Carmen Berzatto effect, welcome.” Syd said sarcastically and I rolled my eyes. “But he- he’s…so sweet” I sighed, playing with the ends of my hair. “And…like- I dunno. I’m slipping back into my old ways. I want to fix him” I rolled my eyes at the realization and rubbed my face. 

“Wooooow!” Sadie drawls “holy shit! Well maybe you aren’t slipping because I’ve never heard you come to that realization before you run yourself to the bone for someone who can’t be fixed.” Sadie said and I sighed deeply, knowing deep down she was right. “What if he does the work?” I asked hopefully, “he won’t. He like- I dunno I don’t wanna say he hates himself, but he hates himself. Like any sense of good in life he crushes it for himself because he thinks he works better if he has nothing and he’s always chasing something.” Syd said and shrugged, her voice even and calm. 

It was about an hour and a half of me divulging nearly every detail of the night to them other than the intimate details of Carmen telling me how many people he’d had sex with before we were all talked out. 

 I swallow thickly. “I’m just- I’m gonna shower guys. I love you Syd, thanks for not being mad at me. And…I’m- I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing that.” I said honestly and she shakes her head. 

“Honestly, he may be happy this week cause he got his dick wet for once- so he might not be such a terror at work. Just…sleep it off. It was once, Winnie, but I promise- If you let yourself get involved further, he is going to hurt you. We didn’t even get anywhere and when he cut me off cold emotionally after Claire? I felt like a fucking nutcase. It’s for your own good, just - forget him, okay?” She said and I nodded softly. 

“Love you” I replied before hanging up 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

Carmy’s P.O.V. -

After my night with Winnie, I slept peacefully- the first night. I had a nightmare, and I only threw up once opposed to the 2 or 3 times a night it usually occurred. But by around 8 am when everyone started showing up, all of the questions were making me anxious, and it was generally pissing me off that Richie, Tina, Fak, Sugar, it felt like everyone except for Syd was up my ass. 

I stood at one of the stations, chopping up onions and garlic for a stew that Tina was working on, doing absolutely everything in my power to not think of her. This was why. This. The fact that her face was the first thing I thought of when I got up. The fact that every fleeting thought is somehow weaving back to her. I could not do that again. Just the simple fact that I was sleeping better after seeing her once gave me unending anxiety. 

If I keep fuckin’ around with her, Shes gonna leave. Or she’s gonna be taken. Or she's gonna realize I'm not good enough. Or she’s gonna find someone better. 

I dropped the knife on the cutting board with a slam. “Goin to smoke.” I mutter to Syd as I pass by and shut the back door a little harder than I meant to. I leaned against the cool brick, trying to catch my breath. I felt over my pockets, finding my cigarettes, but - my fucking light. “Fuck!” I mutter to myself, rubbing over my face roughly. 

This is exactly how it fucking started with her. Me losing my damn lighter. 

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut and shaking my hand, trying to ground myself. 

You fucking pussy. Get it together. You hooked up once you are not attached. You aren’t fucking attached. 

I tug at my hair, remembering the feeling of her beneath me, the softness of her sheets, that fucking mug. I leaned against the brick wall, taking a deep breath. I took out my phone, cursing myself for a small part of me hoping she’d texted me, since I was too pussy to say anything to her last night or this morning. I stared at my text messages, my eyes falling on my conversation with sugar. 

She’d sent me some “anonymous group therapy” shit about anxiety and she told me she thought it could help me. I'd brushed it off until now, but talking this shit out like I did with Mikey to people who weren’t allowed to repeat it- it sounded like it would feel good. I clicked on the lick, licking my lips nervously as it opened and took me to the page. 

Anxiety/PTSD ANON: Monday evenings at 6:00PM-9:00PM at St. Anthony’s Presbyterian Church. 

I furrowed my eyebrows a bit, PTSD. I hated when people would tell me I have PTSD. It’s so stupid- I’d never been to fuckin’ war. Or been raped or whatever. Being yelled at for being an idiot doesn’t constitute PTSD. But, considering people with PTSD are probably going through real shit, I’m sure it would feel easier to spill my guts to them then someone perfect like Winnie. 

I sit up off the wall, heading back inside and I look at Syd “yo- c’mere” I nod to the office and she follows, I shut the door. “Goin, on with you?” I asked, putting my hands on my hips. She raises her eyebrows, “nothing? Why…” she questions and I narrowed my eyes slightly. “You’ve avoided me today. So again what’s up.” I asked and she shook her head, rolling her eyes slightly. 

“I don’t have time for this, Chef,” she said and sighed a bit. “You know what I’m talking about. You were on my ass Friday about me wanting to get out early and you were dying to know why- and you come in on Monday it just skips your mind?” I shrug, crossing my arms. 

“Look” she snips, taking her hand off the doorknob. “I don’t know what you think is going on, Chef. But I’ll have you know- I’ve had zero interest in your personal life again, until you started sneaking around here with one of my closest friends- and my cousins, who’s more like my sister- her best friend. So let’s just say, after the conversation she and I had-“ she looks at me pointedly. 

“An honest, open, friend to friend, girl to girl conversation, Carmen- you will have nothing to worry about me, and my interest in your “personal” life - anymore.” She said and left the office with a slam. I felt my heart sink to my stomach, fuck. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuck. Fuck. 

I could hear a ringing in my ears and my vision blurred slightly. I get the familiar feeling in my chest and sit down, clutching my head in my hands and spiraling into one of my episodes. 

My “personal” life. Ouch. I knew after what happened with Claire things had been…different between us- but I didn’t think she cared. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

I tug on my hair, my eyes screwed shut and breathing labored as my thoughts continue racing. 

Fuck. What did - did she tell her? Did she tell them about- oh my god I’m such a fucking moron. Of course she did. Of course. That’s- Winnie’s best friend- oh my god why did I trust her. Fuck. And - and she thinks I’m gonna fucking hurt her. She knows I would hurt her. 

“Sour things give you something to focus on” 

Her voice rings throughout my mind. I took a shaking breath, opening my office drawer and grabbed one of the sour warhead things I’d gotten on the walk home after that night with Winnie, and popped it in my mouth. I cringe at the sensation, but immediately am pulled back, for now. 

I spit the candy in the garbage can after a few grueling moments to be sure I got the full effect, before pulling my phone out of my pocket. Before I knew it with shaking hands, I was calling Winnie. After just 3 short rings the phone clicks and I sit up a bit 

Please leave a message after the tone for - Heyy it’s Winnie, I can’t talk right now, if you wanna leave me a message cool- but I’m better at texts. Ciao! *beep*

I took the phone away from my ear, quickly hanging up. At the sound of her voice I felt like I could breathe again. I bit my lip gently, considering texting her and telling her to call me back- but she would if she wanted. I shook my head, setting an alarm for 5 to remind myself to leave for that group thing, before locking my phone and heading back into the kitchen. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

Winnie’s P.O.V . -

I went to the back around 5, finally finished cleaning up after a story hour today. It was Sadie’s day off and Mel was out sick so I was running the store alone, I barely got a break to take a piss let alone have a quiet thought to myself from the moment I got here. 

I sighed deeply, rubbing my bad hip that was driving me nuts today. The only thought that had been running through my head was how much I wanted to see Carmen. I was kind of grateful that the store had been so busy today because if it had been dead slow I’d probably have just locked up and gone to find if he was out for a smoke every few hours hoping I’d get lucky. 

It took me a while to finish cleaning up after the littles, and vacuum the whole floor considering the aching pain in my hip that was reverberating through my thigh and knee all the way up to my ribs. By the time I was squatted by the vacuum, in the back of the store, rolling up the cord it finally gave out on me and I collapsed to the floor in a heap, my head landing in my purse under the desk. How convenient. 

“Fuckin shit” I muttered to myself, knowing it would be at least 20 minutes before I would be able to use it again. I huffed, sitting up and banging my head under the desk in the process and groaning “ow” I whined, rubbing my head and leaning on my hip that wasn’t throbbing intensely. After a minute or so I dug through my purse, pulling my phone out. I scroll through the notifications from the day, Tik Toks from Sadie, news reports, a few texting ads when I see it towards the middle of the stack. 

Carm🧸 1 missed call 

I swallowed thickly - why was he calling me in the middle of the day? I checked our conversation to see the last text that was sent was still from when I’d told him my apartment number. I bit my lip gently, going over to Twitter to try and forget about him. I scroll through different posts, liking some of them, until my hip finally feels well enough again to try and stand. 

I slowly shifted my weight on to my good side, gently lifting my hip and letting out a small cry at the shooting pain as I pulled my knee up to get my foot in a standing position. “God fucking damn it” I cried out in pain as I haul myself standing, my arms shaking in pain as I lower myself as gently as I could in to the desk chair. I took a heaving breath, wiping away the tears from the corners of my eyes and swallowing thickly. I was absolutely not going to make it 2 blocks on this hip tonight. 

It had to have been all the exertion of the shower with Carmen, mixed with not sitting down only for 30 minutes today while I read to the kids. I rubbed my forehead in frustration, opening up the Uber app and seeing since it was ‘peak pricing’ it was gonna cost me $40 to get from the store home, and I do not have that kind of money. 

I groaned, sitting back and thinking to myself if trying to wait it out would just get me in a worse position of being stuck here all night because Sadie has no car or not eating dinner for the rest of the week, since my groceries were dwindling and I didn’t get paid until Friday. I huffed, “no, I can fucking make it” I muttered, I pull myself up, nearly screaming at the pain screaming at me to stop, and yank my jacket over my arms. 

With shaking hands, I got my keys out of my purse, flicking lights off as I limped, every step feeling like my leg was about to fall out like a Barbie that had never been properly popped into place. I groan quietly in pain every few steps, barely being able to lock the door from how violently my hands were moving. I looked both ways across the street, knowing it wasn’t long before a car came along. I try to take as big of strides I could into the alley. 

I honestly didn’t give a fuck if I ran in to Carmen right now, I was not walking an extra three blocks in my condition just to avoid him. I lean against the wall, feeling that familiar shaking in my bad hip like it was telling me it was counting down before it gave way and barely got to the steps outside of the bear's kitchen door before collapsing with a grunt, the pain vibrating through my spine at the fall. 

“Fuck” I whine, stretching my leg out in front of me. The faucet behind my eyes gives and my eyes are suddenly blurring with tears and I’m muffling sobs into my hand. The pain, the day I’ve had, and the worst of it- I’m stuck in the one place I don’t want to be. What kind of stupid desperate bitch will I look like if Carmen comes out to see me crying on the fucking steps of his restaurant. 

I swallowed hard, doing my best to pull myself to my feet but my hip had locked and it was no use. With shaking hands I take out my phone, and the door creaks open behind me. I quickly dry my tears as best I can “uh- I'm not here to see you I- I’m going home I’m sorry” I mutter. 

“Winnie the Pooh?” A slightly familiar voice said and I looked up to see Sugar standing there, a confused look on her face and I started to laugh to which she started looking concerned. “Oh!” I sniffle. “It’s you. Don’t tell Carmen I’m h-here” I hiccuped a sob and she furrowed her eyebrows, “no he's- wait” he shuts the door and sits next to me. 

“Why you cryin’?” She asked gently and I shook my head “oh my god it’s- I-“ I wiped my tears again. “My hip…I got in an accident when I was 19 and had to get my hip fused, and they did it wrong so it’s all fucked and it just..hurts” I said and sniffled. “Okay why- why don’t you want Carm to know that?” She asked “did he already fuck up?” She said with a teasing smile and nudged me playfully. 

“No- no he. Carm is…” I look at my feet. “Carm is wonderful. But he- he doesn’t want…what I would want, you know?” I look at her, still a bit teary eyed. She nods a bit “Y’know…Carm…somethin’ ‘bout that kid, he doesn’t allow a lot a’ good things…and” she rubs her hands together in thought, looking down for a moment. 

“I think you’re right, but it’s what he needs.” She said and looked back at me finally. “I won’t…get in the middle of this. But- just know, Carm could really use a girl like you around. He left early today…he told me he was feeling like it was too much and he needed to go think about shit. He’s never done that. That tells me you are getting to him to take care of himself. So if it’s a Carmen thing, pushing you away? Sometimes with that kid you have to force him to see what he’s missin” she got up and extended a hand to me. 

“What’re you doing?” I asked “cmon. Takin you home. Can’t live too far if you’re walkin’, right?” She asked and I smiled a bit. “You seem like a really good sister” I said softly and she smiled big. “Y’know. I always wished I had a sister, I don’t think either of my brothers have ever told me that'' she said, tucking her large purse into the crook of her arm. I crinkle my brows ``ok..well Carm and I will be talking about appreciating you because you give great advice” I grab on to her hand. 

She giggled a bit as she hoisted me up and I quickly balanced myself on the railing, my hip still barely functional. “Woah!” She said, wrapping her arms around my waist tightly. “The car is right there parked in front- think you can walk?” She asked, concerned. I nodded quickly “yeah- yeah. I might need to like…lean on you” I said, my cheeks going pink with embarrassment. 

“Course! C’mere chicky” she wraps her arm around my waist and I smiled a bit to myself as she helped me limp to her car. “You hug like Carmen” I said softly as we approached the passenger side and she laughed, “don’t tell him that. He’s always said I’m too ‘touchy’ since we were kids” she pulled open the door and I slowly got in, the pain in my hip dulling significantly when I sat on the plush seats of her SUV. 

She gently pushed the door closed, coming to the drivers side and hoisting herself into the large vehicle. “Trust me- I totally get it. I have 2 kids, my hips or my bladder haven’t been the same since” she said jokingly as she started the car. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

Carmy’s P.O.V -

I tried to take a deep breath, staring pointedly at the church in front of me. My dark gray knit sweater was suddenly feeling itchy all over my exposed skin, even though my usual white work shirt was still layered underneath. I pulled at the collar of the offending garment, roughly itching my collarbone at the sensation of a tickle just under my chain. Taking a final drag of my third cigarette just standing there, I throw it to the ground, crushing it with my sneaker. 

You can turn around- you can just get back in your car, and go home. You don’t have to do this. 

The devilish voice bounces around in my head. I’m unsure what got me to drive here, what got me out of my car after sitting there for 15 fuckin’ minutes, but suddenly I was planting my feet up each step into the grand wooden entrance of the church. 

Turn around. Turn around. Turn. around. 

My entire body screams for me to run as I step into the welcome hall. This confidence to change so suddenly has to be the effect of a mostly-full nights sleep- thanks to Winnie of course.

Stop fucking thinking about her. 

I’m met with a folding easel, a plain piece of white printer paper with an arrow that points to the left, reading ‘PTSD/ANXIETY ANON’ in large bold letters. I swallowed hard, staring at it intently. 

Leave. Leave. Leave!!!! 

The voice in my head was so loud that in my rested state, it drove me to push against it. To deprive it.  I headed down the hall, the only sound being my sneakers tapping the tile floor and the loud fluorescent lights buzzing above me. My eyes fixed on a bolded sign at the large honey-stained wooden door just at the end of the hall, taped to the wooden frame. “ANXIETY ANONYMOUS” typed in bold letters on the same 8x11 printer paper and taped to the easel out front. 

I took a deep breath, blinking my eyes shut hard out of habit, thinking about what I was about to do- before swallowing back the anxiety and my hand felt the icy touch of the handle, pulling down and pushing it open. I met the faces of about 4 other tortured souls, staring blankly back at me. “Uh” I mutter, standing in the doorway feeling like a total idiot. 

“I-is this th-the.” I bit my cheek fucking word stumbling moron. “The fuckin’ anxiety anon meeting?” I spit out, trying my best to swallow the nausea rising in my throat from the crippling fear of meeting new people. A woman with a short bleach blonde bob, sitting in the corner at a large desk looks up. 

“Oh!! Joy. A newbie!” She chirps, standing up and walking over, standing a few feet away. “I’m Claire” she said happily, and the protein bar I scarfed down my throat earlier begged to make a grand 

reappearance.

“C-cl-?” I tried to grate out, swallowing thickly and my cheeks feeling so hot I was sure I could light one of my cigarettes on them. 

Run. Run, RUN - Carmen!!! Find the fuckin’ bathroom, slink out like it never happened. Bad idea. Bad idea. Horrible idea.. Moron. Idiot. Stupid. Useless. 

“Claire!” She repeats happily. “Are you alright with handshakes, dear? What's your name honey?” She sticks her right hand out to me confidently. My gaze meets her hand, and I swear my vision went blurry. I stumble back a bit. “Ba- bathroom” I muttered quickly, the feeling of vomit creeping up in my throat.

She gently pushes me into the hallway, grabbing the small trash can with her right hand and shutting the door behind her tightly. I ripped the trash pale out of her hands quickly, hurling my protein bar and whatever bile and water my stomach held for the last 6 hours In to it, squatting pathetically in the hallway against the wall and she stepped a bit closer, charm bracelets jingling as she rubbed my back while I wretch so hard I swore for a second my organs would fly out of my mouth. 

“Christ kid” she muttered, her nails gently grazing the small of my back as she rubbed soothing, small circles. “Know a Claire, mm?” She asked matter-of-factly when I finally stopped heaving, my brain fully empty other then fuckin Winnie reading to me last night. And the story of the stupid fucking bunny.

“Yes- b-b-sh-she“ I tried to get air into my lungs, but instead my chest forced me into a painful gasp. “N-no- used to…” I dry heaved over the garbage can so hard I dropped to my knees on the cold tile, and was sure I'd either pass out, or die of embarrassment at the pathetic sound and sight, feeling fully like a sniveling child. Unfortunately to no avail.. I gasped in a breath so violently, the sudden pressure in my lungs made me feel as if I was really about to pass out. 

I leaned against the cold wall, catching my breath before continuing. “I- I- fuckin” I winced at the pain in my stomach, my face clenching up slightly at the pang reverberating through every muscle in my body due to the intensity of all the emotions I was feeling at once. 

“Fuckin... I crushed on ‘er as a stupid, idiot kid..but fuckin hate ‘er now..“ I sniffle, mucus getting caught in my throat, causing me to choke and cough so hard over the trash can that my lungs burned. 

“Breathe, kid” she said, patting my back. “In through your nose and out through your mouth” she said and demonstrated a calm even breath. I rested my face on my arm, doing as she said, and finally catching my breath. “S-sorry I haven’t eaten much t’day and smoked like half a pack” I said and she nudged me gently. I look over and she’s holding a tissue, “thanks” I said wiping my mouth and nose tossing it in the garbage and leaning against the wall again, sighing deeply. 

“C'mon, you can just listen today if you don’t feel like talking. We have water bottles in there for ya’ “ she said, standing up fully and extending a hand to me. I nodded a bit, taking her hand to steady myself as I got up. She took the trashcan and tied the bag, leaving it in the hall before opening the door. “I’m..sorry” I mutter, shaking my head. 

“No! No happens all the time. Don’t worry” she said and opened the door. “Well gang, it’s us plus one newbie!” She said and handed me water from the counter at the side of the room before going to her seat and I swallowed thickly, sitting down on the furthest chair from everyone else, setting the water bottle on the chair before wiping my clammy hands over my jeans and swallowing thickly. “Alright” she said, sitting down with a clipboard. “Are there any big things this week that we need to start with?” She asked, I kept my gaze fixed on my lap.

“Yes- uh…my nightmares came back..” a small voice said and I looked up to see a girl with mousy brown hair and a deep scar on her right cheek. Claire nodded “did you want to share about them?” She asked her and the girl swallowed thickly. “No- no. I just… it’s about dating again after what happened. I can’t- I can’t. I’m always looking over my shoulder, I feel like a freak. It’s hard enough dating girls- and I- I have a hard time texting. And so when I meet them in person, I always catch them staring at me. And… and like I can hear their thoughts. Like ‘who is she hiding from’ or ‘I bet she has a secret girlfriend.’ And I - I’m so paranoid.” she huffed. 

“I’m sure all of us here have felt paranoid after a trauma, and especially, when experiencing something new, the feeling of…waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is very common. Especially if it relates back to childhood, those wounds linger for a long time. Has anyone else been feeling paranoid?” She asked the group. There was a silence for a moment, I took a deep breath, finding my tongue. 

“Me” I said, rubbing my thighs to soothe my anxiety. There was that familiar tightness in my stomach and my heart was thrumming in my throat. “Oh! Did you want to share more about that…sorry, how should we address you?” She asked and I kept my eyes locked on her, trying to forget there were other people there but still not wanting to sit alone with a shrink in an office. 

“Carmen'' I said and she nodded, “okay, Carmen- did you want to share what you’re feeling paranoid about?” She asked and I sniffled, rubbing my lips together nervously. “Ye’ uh, I met a-a girl. Last week. And I haven’t stopped…thinkin’ about her? Like. I dunno. I have sworn off women quite a while ago.” I rub my chin, eyes gazing to the floor nervously. 

“Okay, so what are you paranoid about?” She asked and my eyes flicker back to her. “So uh- yeah. S-sorry. Sorry. So uh- I work in a-a restaurant. And I run it, with my cousin and my sister. My second in command though, she- she knows this girl. And uh…I don’t know what’s been goin on? With me? And I…I like her. That’s-that’s why I’m paranoid. Cause I don’t…I can’t do girls and she-“ I sigh deeply, clearing my throat. 

“She told me that she wouldn’t pressure me?” My eyes met hers again and she nodded. “Okay, so you’ve felt pressured in relationships in your past, and are worried it will happen again?” She asked and I thought for a moment, rubbing the back of my neck. 

“Yes? Well…no..no not from her. I-I’ve been very pressured to like someone before and it was hell for me. B-but…that’s the thing is I trust she won’t pressure me. And I- when I’m around her, I’m not fuckin- im not fuckin like this? Like I- I can think, and I can breathe and…so-so-so if it’s not” I shake my head. “I feel so different around her? That’s why I’m paranoid.” I said finally. Claire sits back in her chair a bit. 

“Okay, so you’re paranoid she’s going to leave?” She questioned. I shook my head a bit, “no- no that’s the thing is that the shoe always drops for me, I already fucked this up by just being me. My- one of my chefs, Syd. She- she’s friends with this girl and…and I think she told her about all my…fucked upness. She-she warned her that im a fuckin’- a fuckin loser. I just- and I didn’t even want to allow myself to feel this way which is why I’m so scared cause I- I feel like- like.” I shake my head. 

“I feel like she’s good for me though. I-i just know I’m bad. I’m- I’m fuckin selfish. I would be a horrible boyfriend. I’m fucking insane I- I think. I wake up every night fucking throwing up. I- I obsess over things, and I just keep pushing and pushing until I get it how- how I see it in my head. B-but with her it’s like…I want to see? Where things go? Y’know? L-like I. I want her to show me…it’s- it’s stupid never mind” I shook my head looking back at my lap, pushing my bangs off my forehead nervously. 

“Well in here, no one is crazy. I think you’re paranoid of having no control over your emotions, Carmen. Which is perfectly normal. We can’t control anything in this world, other than how we react to our feelings about things. So, let’s delve deeper into your current self image- what comes to mind first when I ask why you’re selfish?” She asked and I shrugged a bit. 

“I fuckin’ shut the beef down, knowing it’s not what Syd wanted, knowing it’s not really what anyone wanted except for me. Because…cause Mikey left it to me. And- and I was like…I am fuckin’ angry at Mikey. And it was like- like a fuck you. Watch me do it better then you ever fuckin could” I said and run another hand through my hair at the realization. “Cause I fuckin’ - I only care about provin’ to myself that - that maybe I’m not a fuckin idiot. That I’m not useless.” 

“You aren’t an idiot, and you are not useless, and it sounds like you feel selfish- because you’ve found yourself in a pattern of catering to others desires. How do you feel about your own desires, Carmen?” She asked and I shook my head a bit. 

“No- no that’s..that’s what I’m saying I’m selfish. I - I’m a fuckin control freak at work everything is done my way, everything is tweaked to my standards, I don’t care what other people have to say about the re-“

She cuts me off “no- not your desires at work, in your life. Outside of work. In your relationships, friendships, personal goals? What do you desire your life to look like when you retire?” She asked and I swallowed thickly, my mind going blank. 

“That is a great topic for today, desires. It is extremely hard, especially after a traumatic event or even years of incurring trauma, and then allowing yourself to desire. We may feel selfish as Carmen does, after we incur tragedy in our lives- to feel joy again, or allow new people in our lives because we are afraid that if we desire while we are unhealed, then we were never really damaged to begin with.” She said and a guy sitting a few chairs away from her clears his throat. 

“I uh- yeah I relate a lot to what Carmen said about feeling selfish..after my brother died I stopped doing…everything I loved.” I look over at him, sitting up in my chair slightly. Cause I felt like if…if I’m happy then I don’t miss him? Or..or like. Like if I think about our good times together and loose the anger I feel about him killing himself for a few seconds- I feel like…like I’ll never stop thinking about what the fuck our lives would have been like if he just talked to me.” He said and crossed his arms. I sit up a little further in my seat. 

“Mikey - he was m-my brother. He killed himself too” I said and he looked over at me, “I’m sorry…older or younger?” He asked “shit- yeah sorry I should have led with that I’m sorry too. He was- he was older…” I replied and he nodded, swallowing thickly and looking away. 

“You couldn’tve done anything. I fuckin failed him though. He was younger” he muttered and I furrowed my brow shaking my head. “Nah. Nah don’t fuckin’ say that shit about yourself dude. Both of our brothers did it to themselves. That's one thing that we’re not responsible for. I’m- I’m angry that he- I needed him. Just like you needed your brother” I said and he nodded a bit. 

Claire cuts in “it is normal to feel angry at a loved one for committing suicide. It’s also completely normal to feel guilt for that anger. Jack, it sounds like the anger you’re harboring for yourself, for not ‘protecting’ your brother from himself- is covering up a guilt you feel for a perceived responsibility to the reasoning behind your brother's passing.” 

“I’m fuckin angry.” I shrug. “I’m fuckin- pissed at Mikey.” I said and she looked at me. “A question for you to ask yourself, Carmen, are you angry at Mikey or are you angry about the choice he made, to end his life, and leave you behind to forever miss him. Because they are 2 separate things. One is your brother, and the other- is a stupid choice he made. A choice that altered the lives of the people closest to him forever. He made the choice to have his legacy be one that ended in pain, and suffering for those who love him most. That choice, or Mikey - your brother that you clearly love very, very dearly.” She asked. 

I felt a lump forming in my throat, blinking back tears and I looked over to the clock. 

“Let’s circle back, yeah we have about 5 minutes left. This week's homework for you all, I want you to do one thing, or speak to one person” she looks to me for a moment “that you desire, and it’s guilt free, because you aren’t giving yourself the permission, I’m giving you the permission, and next week- we’re gonna talk about how it made us feel alright?” She said, 

“Alright. Hopefully I’ll see you all again next week. Same time and place per usual” she got up and went over to the desk grabbing her bag. I got up, grabbing the water bottle and quickly darting out of the room and back down the hall to the front door. I shoved it open taking a deep breath as I went down the steps 2 at a time back to the parking lot. 

I am not fucking going back there ever again. 

I shook my head to myself, but realized that I didn’t feel…like I was gonna have an episode. Er- panic attack like Winnie called it. But rather than everything I’d buried about Mikey felt like a hardened scab to a barely healed wound had been picked at and messed with for a while. It was an extremely uncomfortable feeling. This is why I stopped going to AI-anon. Talking about it hurts more than just focusing on other shit and forgetting about it when I can. 

I dug my cigarettes out of my pocket, taking one out and lighting it, leaning against the car as I smoked. I don’t know why Sugar keeps telling me that it’ll get better if I just talk about it, every time I talk about it I’m fuckin realizing shit. And I don’t like realizing shit. About myself. About Mikey. I’d rather just…fucking work. Just work. But I also hate work. 

I’m brought out of my thoughts to the same blonde that irritated the scab which felt permanently fused to my soul. “Spirits huh?” She said and I looked over at her. “Yup” I mutter, taking another drag. 

“I get it. I get it… if you don’t want to talk to me outside there it’s fine. I just wanted to say, I’m proud of you for opening up, good job. You should be proud of yourself.” She took a pack of Marlboro reds out of her purse and a blue lighter. 

“Thanks…” I said, watching as she took a drag. “No offense… but I kinda feel worse?” I said and she laughed, smoke spilling from her mouth in a cloud. “None taken my friend, none taken.” She said, waving her hand in front of her to clear the thick puff of smoke. “That’s good actually, really good. It hurts before it helps” she shrugged, taking another drag. 

“So- wait the fuck did I do t’you?! You wanna hurt me before you help me?” I questioned, pulling on my own cigarette. “Nothing oh my god!” She laughs. “Nothing Carmen! Oh jeez” she giggled slightly. “You need to come back, shut out the voice shooing you away” she said with a teasing smile and I rolled my eyes. “Sorry, not interested in ripping open old wounds when I’m already not able to process the bullshit I’m facing now.” I look at the ground, taking a long drag. 

“Mmm. Alright.” She shrugged casually, dragging her own and exhaling without a beat. “ what?” I asked her, dropping my cig and crushing it with my sneaker. “I…don’t care?” She laughs a bit. “If you want to stay in the mental prison you’ve created, so be it, Carmen. But- I’m here! Every week for the past 11 years” she retorts, tossing her cigarette into a puddle over the parking lot barrier. 

“Nice meeting you, kid. Word of advice-“ she turns to me as she pulls her driver's side door open. “Do the fuckin’ homework, mm?” She sits in her seat, starting the car. “That girl you mentioned, whatever her name is- I may be a shrink - but I’m also a spouse - the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about her? That's your wife, if I never see you again? I hope you’ve gone and got her.” She pulled her door closed without another word, backed out of her parking spot. 

I felt a vibration against my hip, pulling my phone out of my pocket  in case it was one of the employees and checking who it was. My throat dries out as I listen to the marimba ringtone, staring at my screen, my mind going blank. 

Winnie 🍯 Mobile 

The slide to answer button practically laughed at me. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

[fatallyaddictedtofiction]

Im just gonna allow myself to yap about supernatural and see where destiny takes me. SIDENOTE IF U WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS WITH ME LITERALLY PLEASE I WANT TO PLEASE INTERACT WITH ME.

Okay first of all im starting with the start (s1+2). BEST LIGHTING TO MOOD EVER EVER EVER. Like you want dark scary monsters??? ITS THERE. I remember there being a reason they changed the lighting (smugly: yes i listen to the podcast) but i CANT REMEMBER. The characterisation of the macho eldest son coded scared eldest daughter Dean is unreal and parallel in epicness to repressed queer allegory something is inherently wrong with him little brother. The brief moments of emotional vulnerability. Dont get me STARTED on Dean's monologue in the s2 finale i'll start crying. It's crazy how rude john is to Dean like excuse me he raised your kid and now ur bitching about him? Try saying thank you for once. I think the only reason john actually said im proud of you was because he realised when azazel said it dean was like "ur not my dad" and to john it was a little "oh shit" moment. Sam has every right to be angry but every time he gets angry at dean something in me shatters a little because deans trying so hard for himself and sam and sam doesnt know who or how to lash out (emotional dysregulation baybee) so aims for deans jugular like nooo honeyyyy noooooo. This era was the best sam in my opinion.

Rest of the show down here:

Onto S3-5. Cant remember jack about season 3. Season 4 CASTIEL MY BELOVED MY LIGHT MY LIFE MY REASON FOR LIVING. Absolutely loved everything about Weird Cas and i wanted more of him why did they have to domesticate him. His and Deans dynamic was impeccable and yk something??? I wanted to see Dean in hell torturing people i wanted to see it on his face how much he hated that he enjoyed it and i wanted to see Cas' face at watching the righteous man lose. Like the best we got was Yellow Fever GOD I LOVED THAT bit when he was hallucinating the book and it said "you gonna cry?" Like so many people think thats a funny episode but it makes me so sad because he is DYING and from such a young age hes been told to stow it away, lock it down to the point hes HALLUCINATING IT. Cas falling for dean. Im sorry i just. They are the best love story. LUCIFER. He was scarier back then, but i do love later seasons lucy too. Something about the peeling skin and the "we will always end up right here" just slapped. ENDVERSE EPSIODE god so good can we just take a moment to think about it. Okay cool thanks okay. Demon blood Sam arc was fun but had unfulfilled potential. Cant give you specifcs rn its late and my brain needs to get this all out so if you know you know. The whole meta stuff with Chuck was eh until he was confirmed as god and then i was like duuude the faint strings of marionettes are glistening in the sunrise like how do we know --- im getting ahead of myself.

S6-11. I know, its a big chunk. But basically the whole thing could be renamed "Crowley's unrequited love story". Cas and crowley were the best duo i almost forgot like they are genuinely so funny together and i bet it would be great to be tortured by them UMM THE BETRAYAL i honestly loved Cas' episode the only thing i didn't like was how the reveal itself was done like... Idk just a bit... Kryptonite???? Anywho i Loved the tension between Dean and Cas DEAN LOOKED BACK. Um leviathans were my favourite monster but they became so dumbbbb after washing up liquid killed them. BOBBYS EPISODE ALWAYS MAKES ME SOB MY EYES OUT "i raised two boys and they became heroes" allow me to DIE. Also damn impressed a shot to the head didnt take him down but it was lovely to see Deans first world, first solid rock properly crumble around him (forgetting john okay he wasnt a healthy rock) . PURGATORY DEAN JDJSJDJDJD kill me please his fight or flight mode was SO. So sad we didnt get more of purgatory like i would pay to see more i would kill probably but we'll overlook that. Benny my beloved. They definitely all got together Cas included like who wouldnt at that point. Smth i didnt like is how wheneer they went back to purgatory, unlike how dean described it "360 battle 24/7" or some shit like that it was EMPTY. Like please,, i know the plot needs convenience BUT PURGATORY ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE CONVENIENT. But dean recrafting his own memories to make himself believe that he failed to save Cas rather than what he perceived as Cas giving up on him- hang on i dropped my jaw somewhere, gimme a sec i need to go find it-- LIKE. HHHH. The whole mind control shit going on with Cas because his ties to Dean had been severed (saw a post about that and loved it but cant rmb it) and HIM BEING THE ONE TO BREAK IT. The crypt scene mmmm i love. Want more. Mark of Cain dean was literally my favourite. A violent, mentally unstable man who also has bad mental health and is often covered in blood? Yes pls. Cas being with him every step of the way. I havent mentioned Sam in a while. Hes just kind of been there. Hate that he slowly became 2D. Far away in the background hes got his worried expression and is rocking, saying "Dean? Dean? Cas? Jack? Dean?" Like writers why did u strip his personality except for worry. Do Not get me started on the whole Amelia thing ill stab someone. But yeah cas saying he'll watch dean murder the world is my universe :). If someone said that to me id say "omg really?" And develop a huge fat crush (somehow). CHARLIE DYING WAS AN ABOMINATION When they brought back Eileen why not charlie like. Dont bring characters back at this point because theres all sorts of issues grr. Amara was cool af but i didnt like the whole amara x dean stuff because it was just weird. Luciferrrrr hes so girlypop i love him DEAN DIDNT KNOW IT WASNT CAS but thats only because lucy purposefully wore less clothes around him to distract him.

S12-14. Im running out of steam. MARYYY. It hurt to see Sam get along with Mary becsuse he never knew her as anything else while all dean wanted was a mom and that wasnt who she really was anymore. He loved her so much but couldnt break through that barrier of "it wasnt the perfect marriage until after she died" vibes. God that scene in s5 where its suggested dean saw +/ smelled what happened to Mary and he was literally backing himself into a corner BROKE me. Havent mentioned the Wayward sisters but please know they are so important to me they are my everything. Jack is also. Loved Kelly, very sad she had to die. Wanted Jack to be a baby but thats not good for television is it. But i love Jack so much hes such a sweetie who can kill with a thought. Alternate universe michael and Michael!Dean was epic af but michael dying like that was so anticlimactic gonna be honest i think they were just reaching for ways to lose Jacks soul. Garth GARTH!!! Hes so cute. I loved all those "hand recorded" episodes btw like ghostfacers and that one teen wolf type stuff. Dean hiding in his room is so me. Free Will Theory is so fucked up at this point ur sat there saying gods been pulling the strings this whole time and i supposed to be okay with it?? I so get why deans angry but i definitely think thats something Chuck emphasised (crappy excuse for crappy writing) to an extreme level because WHAT. Like dude. I cant even describe how out of character he felt at some times.

S15. Currently rewatching and cant rmb much of it. 3 characters dead in the first 3 episodes. They either kill off all side characters or we dont hear from them at all to tie up or shove away loose ends. I cant even talk abiut the finale please i cant rn im way too tired. It straight up didnt need to exist, it could've only been 19 eps. Cas. Castiel. He did want you my darling.

[delillilah]

Fictober day 4! 🤎

Skates and dates - Luke Hughes

October 29th, 2023

2:28 pm

Halloween is rounding its corner and Luke can not wait for it to be over.

He’d never been a fan except for the candy part, but being the youngest, his brothers would play nasty scary pranks until he was old enough to prank back but he just didn’t, instead he focused on autumn and winter, completely jumping over spooky season.

But that’s even more of a reason he loves his girlfriend, because she feels the same way.

Luke had a whole day planned out, she’d come home from work, they’d get there skates and go to the rink for a little skate before he had to actually be there for the game, then after the game they are gonna go out for dinner. But she had no idea what was happening all she knew was Luke wanted her home by 3.

“Hey babe, I’m home. What’s going on” she asks and sets down her purse.

“Get changed!” He calls back and she walks to the room to throw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. Then she slipped on her blundstones plus a vest and met him in the living room.

“Where are we going, I told you I will not be going to the mall while the kids- costume thing is happening”

“It’s okay, we aren’t.. we are going skating and then your gonna watch my game and then dinner”

She gasps and he leads her out of the house, to begin there journey to the prudential centre.

“Luke do not let go” she squeals as he picks up his pace, but in stead of listening, they turn the corner and he launches ate straight forward, luckily she at least has skated enough to keep her balance, long enough for him to sprint up behind her and catch her before she hits the boards.

She’s terrified but he’s just giggling at her squeals.

“Are you having fun” she asks and he nods but returns the question.

“I am, you know, sometimes I see all the Halloween costumes that couples do, and I wonder what we would do, then I remember of all the other things we do on Halloween and I just… I feel so content, it’s weird, you know?”

“Yea I get it, but I think I like Christmas pjs and driving with you better, until we get a call from either your friends or my friends wanting a ride. But i wouldn’t have it any other way“ he smiles and places a kiss to her temple.

[steveharrington]

i love your taste in movies, do you have any recommendations for scary movies that are on streaming right now? i just moved and i'm planning to get a library card this weekend but until then i need something to tide me over :)

oh thank you!!! yes! this is just from taking a look around at some of the horror streaming guides i’ve seen online so hopefully these are accurate to which service they’re said to be on!

on netflix:

•train to busan (2016) is an all timer for me that i really think is just a masterpiece. even if you’re a little burned out on zombie media, i still say give train to busan a chance because it does zombies in a way that felt really refreshing and different. the characters in this movie are so well done and it makes me genuinely emotional every time i watch <3

•as above, so below (2014) is such a fun movie like omg….i simply was having the time of my life watching it. really leans into as many scares as it can possibly think of, doesn’t take itself or its subject matter too seriously, genuinely gives me sweaty palms sometimes with the claustrophobia of the paris catacombs. also has the rlly cute guy from cloverfield/super store who i have a big crush on

•some honorable mentions: zombieland (2009) is forever a comfort movie for me, scary stories to tell in the dark (2019) did a genuinely great job imo of adapting the book series, and pearl (2022) is just a great time

on HBO max:

•poltergeist (1982) is an underrated fav of mine <3 weirdly i think of it as like a family friendly horror movie? like i think you could sit down kids in front of poltergeist and they’d generally be okay, which i love and find so compelling in movies that genuinely are scary but also kinda work with younger viewers. feat. the iconic zelda rubinstein

•trick r treat (2007): THEEE halloween movie. its literally a movie ABOUT halloween and about the love of the holiday and the season. genuinely makes me feel so emotional about halloween and the beautiful lovely meaningful holiday it is for so many of us. just a fun campy time, everything ties together in such a clever way, and sam is a little baby. what more could you want?

•honorable mentions: of course the scream franchise (1-4) are classics and so worthy of rewatching, and i’ll recommend open water (2003) because to me it is absolutely terrifying and i find myself thinking about it very often

on hulu:

•the omen (1976) always hits for me. i love this movie and find it so effective in its horror. i LOVE a creepy kid. a bit of the omen trivia: in the final shot, damien wasn’t originally intended to be smiling. he was supposed to look dead ahead at the camera. but the actor was told to be serious and look stern, which made him giggle, so the smile at the end is genuine in that he was trying to suppress a laugh. they kept it because it came across so sinister and tonally perfect in the context of the movie :)

•sea fever (2020) listen no one EVER talks about this movie but i was blown away by it. ocean horror is one of my moms fav subgenres so if we can find a horror movie about the ocean you better believe we will be watching. i thought the concept of this movie and its monster (? if you can call it that) were so fresh and original. compared to its predecessors like leviathan or deep star six, i honestly think sea fever is more effective in its scares

•honorable mentions: hulu has so many good choices! alien (1979) and the fly (1986) are obviously beloved classics for a reason. also if you’re looking for a series, castle rock is near and dear to my heart and is very well done

on prime:

•hell house llc (2015) is another one of those classic Halloween movies to me like it truly is a love letter to the holiday…mwah. found footage is my fav subgenre and this movie does it very well. it has one of the most effective scares that truly took my breath away upon first watch and stuck with me ever since

•10 cloverfield lane (2016): ohhh the cloververse my beloved….i often speak highly of cloverfield (2008) because it’s one of my absolute favorite movies of all time, but i don’t as often talk about 10 cloverfield. not sure why tbh because i love it as well! holy FUCK john goodman is scary in this. it truly sets up a horrifying situation, does so much with a small limited environment, and again john goodman has me shakin in my boots. you don’t have to have seen cloverfield to watch this one! you can watch em out of order no problem

•honorable mentions: of course the thing (1982) is immaculate and gets me every single time. just getting reports right now that lisa frankenstein (2024) is already on prime, HIGHLY recommend, wish i could go back in time to the day i watched this in theaters alone in a new windbreaker i had just thrifted and felt so at peace

honorable streaming service mention: shudder is worth a subscription if you’re wanting to go all in on horror this halloween season. it’s got such a fun eclectic collection and amazing movies like late night with the devil (2024) and series like history of horror

[alsoamalthia]

You ask for fandom questions, Questions like THESE??? :DDD :

How in the world did you end up in this little football fandom of ours? 

The youngest memory you have of Supa Strikas?

What character do you wish we could have more of?

Out of any background character from Supa Strikas, which one do you wish would come back as a recurring character more?

Any ships you ship??? (Platonic can also apply)

Most important question (sorta) for any Supa fan, which team from the Supa Strikas Universe you would play for? And why?

TYSM!

1) How in the world did you end up in this little football fandom of ours?

I knew Supa Strikas as early as 2011; I started watching it around Season 2. I just didn't expect that it'd have a fandom here on Tumblr bec I admit that it's not as mainstream as Star Wars, LOTR, or Harry Potter, so seeing everyone here was truly a surprise.

And to answer the question what brought me here only now? Early in July 2024, I decided I want to franchise a Caltex.

Because I remember they sponsored the Southeast Asian release of Supa Strikas (I'm not sure if I got the details correctly) and I love the show so much that whenever I see a Caltex, I remember the show. And I got the idea of franchising it because there's this one Caltex in my home town that is very beautiful and everytime I go past it, I always whisper "I'll build one that's prettier."

2) The youngest memory you have of Supa Strikas.

Okay, this is somewhere around 2009-2010, I was ten years old. It was the very first time I saw the commercial of Supa Strikas on Disney Channel. Me, my sister, and my uncle all commented on the Caltex logo on their jerseys.

The first time, I saw the actual show, I wasn't interested. Then, my uncle's son (my cousin) love football so much that he started to watch the show. At some point, my sister and I joined watched one episode with him (I think this was Led Steppin) and found out that the show was so good.

Then I have another early memory, I go back to it a lot because of the choice I had to make. Back then, we didn't have the convenience a streaming site offers so when two shows or movies air at the same time, we had to choose one. My sister and I watch Supa Strikas on its late night encore because we can't find the time to watch it during daytime, and while waiting for it, we switched the TV to HBO and it was The Lovely Bones. We decided to watch it while waiting for SS, then it got so interesting we almost forgot to switch back to Disney. But before switching, we both stopped to decide. My sister asked, "Do we continue the movie and skip Supa Strikas tonight?" And I really did spent a moment to think, but my answer was, "Nah, I won't ever sacrifice Supa Strikas for this." The episode was Dancing Rasta on Ice.

3) What character do you wish we could have more of?

This is a fun question because I've been thinking about this lately: since we already had Rookie Season why not try to make another prequel series where it was the era of Coach and everyone else? Remember that one episode they entered a game where they played against the greats? I'd love to have a spin-off about their era.

4) Out of any background character from Supa Strikas, which one do you think should come back as a recurring character more?

Kat. Because I'm gay for Kat.

5) Any ships you ship?

Shakes x Riano. Platonic or no, I love them sm.

6) For any Supa fan, which team from the Supa Strikas Universe would you play for? And why?

Barka. Because there is nothing more I want than to be meters away from Riano.

Or I could also play for Nakama. So I can be close to Miko.

*squints eyes* Hmmm I'm seeing a pattern here.

And this is the only Ask I'm going to answer for now because I honestly haven't seen Rookie Season yet. It's like since I knew Shakes and Skarra used to be friends and parted ways as early as 2011 (meaning for more that half my lifetime), I kinda think Rookie Season is something I'm not yet ready to unpack.

So, thank you @mimpinightmare for granting this little request of mine, and would it be okay to borrow this question and ask this around?

[tornrose24]

I’ve been rewatching The Ghost and Molly McGee and have concluded watching season 1. These are my thoughts and observations:

-I love how Scratch slowly warms up to Molly across the season and it is easier to catch when you watch the episodes in order. From going to a complete jerk, to valuing her friendship, to caring about how she views him, to not wanting to lose her.

-I also love how this show’s art style is like a storybook come to life in every shot.

-It makes even more sense as to why Scratch haunts Adia’s old home. Todd’s soul gravitated to the one place in Brighton that held happy memories for him, where life had yet to turn him into an anxious, fearful adult. It was a safe space for him, and he was mad when a family managed to move in and invade it. Especially Molly specifically moving into his personal room/the safest spot in the house for him.

-Molly and Scratch are BOTH horrible liars. It’s funny how similar they are in that detail, and it’s even funnier if they call each other out on it.

-Scratch is an absolute asshole to a lot of people and enjoys seeing them suffer during this season, but I think that partly stems from a ‘I was/am miserable so I like seeing others suffer.’

-I’d say Molly’s worst episode is the Snow Day episode (not listening to what everyone else wants to do) and Scratch’s worst episode is the Internship episode (taking advantage of an intern to do basic, unhelpful tasks and being a bigger asshole than usual).

-Molly nearly dies 4 times (the machine during ‘Friend off,’ was willing to catch hypothermia in order to have fun in the snow, was almost hit by the truck, and was nearly sliced in half by Jinx).

-Scratch, Mr. ‘So afraid of dying that I never lived a day’…. Gets trampled by animals, eats poison berries, gets hit by a tour bus, gets blended by the machine from ‘Friend off,’ and is sliced in half by Jinx among all the possible things that WOULD have killed him in this season if he hadn’t been a ghost at the time.

-In ‘Very Hungry Ghost’ Scratch doesn’t get to eat any of the food intended for the ghosts. Because he wasn’t fully a ghost, that feast was not meant to be eaten by him.

-I admit I have yet to catch Scratch’s ‘nervous habit of scratching his arm’ during these episodes.

-There’s a recurring theme of the adult characters regaining their passion for something they once loved in a few episodes.

-However I also appreciate showing very realistic struggles, like financial concerns and how you can’t magically restore your community and town to its glory days without some effort put into it.

-Libby’s mom can be seen as an early cameo during ‘The (Un)natural.’ Of course, she would be there for her daughter ^_^

-I’m not a huge fan of the Christmas episode (never rewatched it until now) but GOD do I love the pink sky they use against the Christmas decorations and snow.

-In Pete’s news article in ‘Twin Trouble’, it mentions that other city planners mysteriously disappeared. However, I don’t think the show EVER addressed that, because such a story fascinated me and made me wonder if there was more to Brighton than meets the eye.

-There was a wasted opportunity in not discussing who or WHAT The Chairman was. Was this mystery meant for season 3?

-Scratch mentioning that he is dead throughout the show hits differently now that we know its quite the opposite. So does seeing him having to do mandatory things for the ghost world that he technically shouldn’t NEED to be doing at that moment.

-So does his interactions with Geoff. Oh boy.

-Was Scratch specifically assigned to scare Brighton? What about the other ghosts from there, like the Tugbottom siblings? Howlin Harriet? Sonia? Why don’t we see them doing their job as much as Scratch has to?

-The sheer irony of Scratch believing that he didn’t have any fears in ‘Scaring is Caring’ only for fear to be the reason WHY he was a ghost to begin with. Once again, there’s a hell of a difference between ‘Scratch as a human being afraid of everything’ and ‘Scratch as a ghost being afraid of losing Molly and would do anything to save her.’

-No seriously, it gets to a point where Scratch risks his existence to save Molly in this season and in the next one-if he had been human, he would have been willing to die for her.

-‘All Night Plight’ is an episode I hadn’t rewatched until recently. And it hits a LOT differently this time around. Molly wanted to form a forever memory with Libby and Scratch by seeing that comet and she managed to win over Scratch who went above and beyond to ensure that was possible. While that memory is now somewhere hidden in Scratch’s mind as a living person, this episode likely was one of the events needed to push him into becoming someone who would take chances and embrace life upon coming back to life.

-Considering the number of times Molly almost dies, it would have been one thing if Scratch didn’t take it too well if he failed to save Molly. But if he learned that he was the one who had the chance to come back to life and not her? Yeah, that would have seriously wrecked his mental state.

-That moment when you realize that it was TWO souls hovering on the edge between life and death that changed everything in the Ghost World. Also I could be wrong, but I caught that Molly AND Scratch both have a brighter glow compared to most other ghosts in the Ghost World. Was this stealth foreshadowing, or just a coincidence?

-Scratch’s declaration that knowing Molly was the highlight of his afterlife. That moment when you realize Molly brought him joy after years of being miserable as both a ghost and as a human. This girl reached out to him and was able to get him to open up when no one else did. This girl who is showing him how to truly live once more. This girl who he openly declares to be his friend no matter what others will think.

-When I see Wraith!Molly hugging Libby and Scratch, I just wonder ‘WHY DOES MOLLY HAVE 3 ARMS?!’

-As good as this show is, a lot of folks who watch these Disney Channel shows are likely used to the more story-oriented shows. While the ‘slice of life’ style for TGAMM did pay off, the slow pace and length it took for the episodes to release likely worked against it and I could see why it didn’t attract more viewers at the time.

Stuff relating to Todd:

-Scratch possesses people a lot in this show, but especially in season 1. I’m reminded of someone who talked about the wraith theory on YouTube and he had this guess that Scratch might someday possess Todd and then realize something is different this time. I think that having Scratch use the possession trick so often was building up to that one moment in the last episode because it WAS a matter of time until he possessed Todd.

-As I said in a previous post, I caught Todd in the stands during The (Un)Natural, which was his ACTUAL debut episode. It was easy to miss the first time, but its a noticeable establishing character moment since he’s the only audience member who is visibly NOT happy despite that the team is winning.

-Molly stopping at Todd’s house during the song montage in the bandshell episode hits a lot differently now after the series finale. But then I laughed when she smacked him in the face with a flyer upon stopping by the house a second time in the same episode.

-We have confirmation that Scratch (as Todd) knew the mayor when they were kids and that is a tale I’m very curious about.

-I caught Todd in the audience during ‘Citizen McGee’ when the mayor bestows the honor of being mayor for a day to Molly. I admit a cynical side of me thinks that this is how he actually remembers her name in the last episode…. But at the same time he was so on auto-pilot during that time that he likely wouldn’t pay much attention or remember those events that well. (Plus, you can’t be expected to remember someone’s name once all the time). I refuse to believe that he remembered this event and that Scratch’s memories were what actually triggered the name.

-Todd’s actual lines are very limited (I don’t think he gets many in season 2 compared to this one). While Dana Snyder was voicing him, Snyder lowered his voice so much that it’s really hard to tell that he’s the one voicing Todd. I keep putting my ear to my computer to listen, but Todd barely sounds like Dana. I think they did this on purpose to avoid making it too obvious that Todd IS Scratch. (And that’s probably why he doesn’t talk as much in season 2…. Until the last episode of course).

-The Internship seems to double as foreshadowing, and not just because Todd appears or that his ‘junk’ held some very crucial clues. Molly believes that the pawnshop is where happy memories go to die while Weird Larry assures her that it’s where memories can be reborn into something new. So… is the pawnshop a metaphor for Scratch’s own depression causing his ‘death’ and how he’ll be resurrected into a happier person?

[humbledragon669]

Lockdown Episode Write Up P1 – tableaus

Introduction

So, first things first, just in case you haven’t seen it, or want to see it again, you can watch this little bonus episode here. It takes place between seasons one and two and consists of a series of static “tableaus” with a voiceover of a telephone conversation between Crowley and Aziraphale. In truth, I think its purpose was largely to serve as a public service announcement for people to contribute to the “Stay At Home” campaign that the UK government had enacted as part of its Covid-19 prevention/reduction efforts, though I’m sure it was also a bit of fun to make for the anniversary of the book, and probably gave Michael, David, and some editing crew something to do for about an hour or so. The script never mentions Covid-19 directly, but I think we can assume (given the timeline between the seasons) that the time setting is 2020, May 2020 to be exact.

Despite the fact that it’s less than 4 minutes long (including opening and closing credits), there’s actually quite a lot to say about this sweet little thing (I’m going to call it a minisode from this point on – yes, I know that word has particular connotations for season 2, but we’re not there yet, so minisode it is). I don’t think there’s much linking the dialogue with the images (apart from the cake sequence), so I’ve broken this write-up down into tableaus and dialogue, because there are just as many Easter eggs (maybe more) to be had from the tableaus as there are from the script. Some of the later tableaus are reiterations of earlier images, so I’ve bundled them together where I can for brevity. I have also only commented on the items in the tableaus that can be clearly seen and aren’t out of focus.

This part of the write-up will address just the tableaus, with the dialogue addressed in a separate write-up. As a final bit of uniquity, I’ve placed tableau #12 at the end of the write-up as it’s a wider shot of a lot of the objects we see in other images, so anything left not yet addressed can be done there. Right, housekeeping done, let’s get stuck in shall we?

Tableaus

Tableaus #1and #18

Contents:

A plate of sushi, complete with chopsticks

Multiple piles of books (unfortunately I can’t discern what any of them are).

A drawing of Aziraphale.

What looks like the edge of a map – this will be covered in a later selection of tableaus.

Nothing too cryptic in this compilation of objects – it’s fairly obvious from them and the effects on Crowley’s voice that we (the audience) are in Aziraphale’s bookshop. The sushi and the books are pretty obvious connections to the angel, but I don’t think we’ve known him to be an artist (and a pretty good one at that) before now. The one thing I will say about the use of a plate of sushi in this first tableau is that it makes for a nice parallel to the opening of season 1 – the first time we see Aziraphale in the present day, it’s in a sushi restaurant.

Tableaus #2 and #17

Contents:

A G.K. Chesterton book.

A drawing of Crowley.

A plate of Welsh cakes (links into the cake sequence).

An old map of Oxfordshire – this will be covered in a later selection of tableaus.

A magnifying glass, presumably for looking at the map with.

Alright, now we’re getting into some neat little Easter egg territory. I’m fairly sure there is a reference in the book somewhere to Chesterton being one of Crowley’s favourite authors, but I’m not sure where. It is singled out in the dedication in the front of the book though, so it must be in there somewhere. And then there’s the drawing. It’s very difficult to tell, but in tableau #2 it looks like it might be the other half of the drawing we saw of Aziraphale. Which would mean that drawing is of the two of them together. Drawn by Aziraphale. In a very romanticised way. As much as I really want to believe that, we can see in tableau #17 that this isn’t the case. It’s a nice mental suggestion though.

Tableau #3

Contents:

More books.

A steaming mug (presumably of cocoa).

The objects here are pretty innocuous. The mug is the same one that we see Aziraphale using in season 1 when he sits down to look at Agnes Nutter’s book (and we see it used again in season 2, but we’re not there yet).

Tableaus #4 and #11

Contents:

A bottle of Courvoisier (cognac).

More books.

A glass, presumably containing Courvoisier.

I can’t quite work out what the text on the spine of the uppermost book is – all I can make out is ???WEN ?????YSON – so if anybody has worked this one out I’m all ears (I did Google for all of about two minutes). As far as the Courvoisier is concerned, I have assumed that’s what Aziraphale and Crowley are drinking at the end of episode one, although it comes from a decanter and there’s no bottle in sight (and in fact the Script Book stipulates that they’re drinking whiskey at this point), so an assumption is all it is. I can’t think of any other times that our hero pair drink hard spirits together in season one, but I’m happy to be corrected.

Tableau #5

Contents:

A stack of books, including:

Homer’s Iliad, Vol. II.

Something by G.K. Chesterton published by The Bodley Head, possibly Orthodoxy.

Forbidden Rites: A Necromancer’s Manual of the Fifteenth Century, by Richard Kieckhefer.

Collected Verse, by Hilaire Belloc.

The Club of Queer Trades, by G.K. Chesterton.

A framed picture. The image in the frame is part of this work, described as a woodcutting of witches and devils dancing in a circle from 1720.

Alright, let’s take a look at those books. First up, Homer’s Iliad, specifically Vol. II in this instance. Honestly, I tried to do a bit of research about what this book might contain, but I got bored within reading the first paragraph of the summary, and I have never read the classic poem in its entirety. Don’t get me wrong, I love to read (I mentally inhale books if given the chance), but I have always struggled with classical literature. If anyone can sum up what this volume is about in three sentences (instead of the three long paragraphs I found), I’d very grateful. For now, let’s just say it’s about the Trojan war, specifically the setting of the scene for that coming war. Maybe that’s a subtle reference to the events to come in season 2, but it feels like a stretch.

 There are two Chesterton books in the pile. Given that Chesterton is supposedly Crowley’s favoured author, I find it interesting that Aziraphale has so many of the author’s works lingering around within reach. Has he pulled these out of his collection to gift/lend to Crowley? Or is he reading them purely because he knows that Crowley likes the author? Has he placed them there to make the demon feel at home when he’s at the bookshop? Whatever the reason, there’s perhaps something to be said about the choice of these particular books. The first, Othodoxy, is a companion book to Chesterton’s earlier work, Heretics, which was a collection of essays refuting non-religious beliefs and defending Christianity. Chesterton described Orthodoxy as an account of his personal journey to embracing Christianity and its values, including the concept that biblical paradoxes are actually essential for satisfying the human need for conflict. Bit of a mouthful all of that, isn’t it? Pretty sure it ties it rather nicely to the ideas put forward in both seasons that Heaven and Hell must both exist in order for free will to be effective. I think. I don’t think I’m wording that very well, but you probably get the message. On the other hand, The Club of Queer Trades is a much lighter book of short stories, each one detailing a case taken on by a private detective agency that involves someone who has an unusual occupation. These occupations include a raconteur (someone who tells anecdotes in an amusing way), a vicar, a professor who insists on dancing, and a Lady who refuses to be rescued. Seems like there are quite a few similarities between those descriptions and a certain angel to me…

I find the next book, Forbidden Rites: A Necromancer’s Manual of the Fifteenth Century, to be an interesting one for Aziraphale to have on hand. This is said to be a collection of medieval magic, along with a commentary. It perhaps fits in with Aziraphale’s penchant for books of prophecy, but its contents seem a bit too practical for that.

The final book that I was able to identify in this pile is written by a gentleman I admit I had never heard of before – Hilaire Beloc. I found it difficult to identify what the contents of Collected Verse might be, but the author himself is referred to as one of the Big Four of Edwardian Letters, alongside H.G. Wells, George Bernard Shaw, and… G.K. Chesterton. So perhaps that’s the reason for this book’s inclusion.

Moving on to that picture. Being of Pagan background, that image is one that I have seen many times in my life. The full image shows a circle of four women and four demon-like creatures dancing together, apparently created in 1720. It was doubtless used as propaganda to justify and document the witch hunts that took place during this time in history. This feels like an especially odd object for Aziraphale to have, particularly as it’s framed. He of all people would know that the events depicted in the image were nonsense, and none of the figures in it are recognisable as anyone in particular, so why has he singled it out for such reverence?

I’m sure there’s probably a lot more analysis that could be done on these items and how they tie in to the Good Omens storyline and sub-text, but this was only meant to be a quick write up of a minisode that’s less than 4 minutes long, so if anyone wants to take up the mantle on that one, you’re more than welcome.

 Tableau #6

Contents:

A preserved butterfly in a bell jar, held in place with what looks like a clockwork mechanism.

I don’t think I have much to say about this object except… huh? My initial thought about it is that this thing is ODD. I know people do preserve butterflies in jars, but I’ve never seen one with a cog literally threaded through the wings. I actually spoke to a friend of mine about who’s a qualified etymologist (she studies bugs) and she’d never seen one either. She did manage to tell me that the butterfly in question is called an “autumn leaf” or “leafwing”, which originates in Asia. None of which really helps me understand what this thing is doing here. What is its purpose? Why does Aziraphale have it? IT’S JUST SO WEIRD. Any ideas about this one welcome, because I can’t get my head around it.

Tableau #7

Contents:

A copy of Orthodoxy, open at a page of an essay entitled “The Ethics of Elfland”.

So firstly this would seem to confirm my supposition of the G.K. Chesterton book published by The Bodley Head. I will confess, I haven’t read the whole essay pictured, but you can do so here if you so choose. No, I skipped ahead to the end to see if I can get a feel for what the subject of this particular essay was. In doing so I found the following quotes:

Thus ends, in unavoidable inadequacy, the attempt to utter the unutterable things. …magic must have a meaning… …the proper form of thanks to it is some form of humility and restraint: we should thank God for beer and Burgundy by not drinking too much of them.

The first of those you can just about make out in the tableau, and I’m not surprised that this particular piece of prose has been selected by the editor – the is the very definition of something being “ineffable”, is it not? That which cannot be uttered? The quote about magic seems to me a very obvious link to Aziraphale’s penchant for magic, and that last quote about exercising restraint around good food and drink?

It’s the very antithesis of Aziraphale, so it’s interesting to apply this philosophy to his relationship with God (and Heaven in general).

Tableaus #8, #14, and #15

Contents:

An old map of Oxfordshire.

A magnifying class (presumably for looking at the map).

A plate of cakes (links into the cake sequence).

A newer looking (probably OS) map of Lower Tadfield, annotated with spiralling lines centred on the village.

An open book.

I can’t quite make out what the book is in tableau #15. No matter, the presence of the maps is plenty interesting enough. I think it’s likely that the older map is the one we see in the back room of the book shop:

The newer map is one that I feel like we’ve seen in the show at some point, but I can’t find it. I have a sneaking suspicion that it belonged to Anathema, and that the lines plotted on it are ley lines that have readjusted themselves in light of Adam’s emerging power. If that is the case, I’d quite like to know how and why Aziraphale has Anathema’s map. More importantly, I’d like to know if the presence of these maps in the bookshop is because the angel is still keeping an eye on the ex-Antichrist. Perhaps he’s just looking over his research for nostalgia. Maybe he just hasn’t tidied up properly for a while. Personally, I think there’s probably a reason he still has them – might be something for season 3? Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Quick side note: the map explicitly states Lower Tadfield, but Adam’s home is never referred to in this way in the show, only the book.

Tableau #9

Contents:

A piece of paper with Crowley’s full name written on it in cursive script.

A wax seal stamp with what looks like some sealing wax, smouldering.

Now this is a curious one! When I first saw it, I thought it was supposed to be Crowley’s signature, but it’s pretty obvious that this must be Aziraphale’s hand when we compare it with the demon’s request for holy water:

So the next thing I wondered was what Aziraphale was doing “faking” Crowley’s signature. I don’t think that’s right either though, which leaves me with two other possibilities. Firstly, that the paper we see is an envelope, which has been addressed with Crowley’s name. This would fit with the use of the sealing wax, but I can’t explain why Aziraphale would be writing a letter to Crowley, or why he would be sealing in this antiquated way. I know the angel is a little behind the times, but he knows how to pick up the telephone, so I don’t think he’d be writing letters, particularly given he would have to leave the bookshop to post it, and in case you’ve forgotten, this minisode is supposed to be encouraging us to STAY AT HOME. And let’s not forget the addition of the title “Esq.” at the end of Crowley’s name. It’s a pretty outdated term now, and would certainly look out of place if used, even if it was on a letter.

The second possibility is that this is the writing from the drawing of Crowley, providing a description of the subject. This feels more appropriate than the letter explanation, although it does mean that the wax and accompanying stamp become somewhat meaningless. This explanation might also go some way to explaining the title that Aziraphale has given to Crowley, and actually fits quite nicely with the romanticised style applied to the portrait.

Tableau #10

Contents:

An armillary sphere.

I didn’t know what this was, other than something to do with astrology/astronomy, so I had to Google. Turns out they were historically used to predict/calculate and map celestial movements. Taking this into account, this seems like a strange thing for Aziraphale to have, though it would feel right at home in Crowley’s apartment. But. I did a bit more digging, and it turns out that the image of an armillary sphere has been used in classical paintings of saints to represent the presence of Heaven.

Mind. Blown.

Tableau #13

Contents:

Satanism and Witchcraft, by Jules Michelet.

Magic: An Occult Primer, by David Conway.

As with Forbidden Rites, both of these books seem like very strange books for Aziraphale to have at hand. The first of these two books, published in 1862 (!), is widely regarded as being one of the earliest known publications sympathetic to the history of witchcraft, although nowadays it is considered to be largely inaccurate in its facts. The second is a practical guide and introduction to magic rituals. Whilst I can see how Aziraphale’s interest might extend to the former as far as research goes, perhaps into Agnes Nutter’s history, I cannot imagine why he would have need of a guide for how to conduct Pagan rituals. Answers on a postcard.

Cakes

There is a sequence of cake images that falls between tableaus 13 and 14. These tie directly into the dialogue at this point in the minisode, so I’m going to cover them in the part of this write up given over to the dialogue.

Tableau #16

Contents:

A flickering flame.

I don’t think there’s much to say about this particular tableau. I have assumed that this is a candle burning, but it is rather difficult to make out. You’d expect to see the shape of a candle underneath the flame if that was the case, and the burning wick looks distinctly unlike one you would see on a candle, but I have nothing else to draw on for this so “candle” is what I’m going with.

Tableau #12

As a reminder, I’m only looking at the things in this tableau that I haven’t covered elsewhere in this write up.

Contents:

Piles of books, which include:

Several more G.K. Chesterton titles.

A copy of Pilgrim’s Progress.

The Lore of the Land, by Jennifer Beatrice Westwood.

Unfortunately, I can’t make out the titles of the majority of the books in this image. The book on the right of the tableau, The Lore of the Land, is a charming sounding little thing about the legends found in all the different counties of England. Whilst I can’t see an immediate link to the Good Omens storyline, I quite like the idea that Aziraphale and/or Crowley are responsible for the vast majority of the entries in that book! On the other hand, Pilgrim’s Progress has a much clearer connection to the themes and ideas of the show, detailing one man’s life journey through life and his relationship with his faith. What we don’t get any indication of is whether Aziraphale would have this on hand because of his ability to relate to it, or whether it’s simply because it’s considered to be one of the most significant works of theological fiction in all history.

I already covered the creepy mechanical butterfly in a previous tableau, but there is something extra in this image that we can now make out – there’s a plaque on the bottom of the jar. I can’t make all of the writing out, but I think part of it says it’s a science award. Where from and what for I can’t read, and I can’t see what the mechanism is powering or anything in the base of the jar. Still seems like a weird thing for Aziraphale to have if you ask me!

Pre-credits message

What a perfect way to end this little treat. Not just a tip of the hat to the ending of season one, but a message of hope for everyone watching in what was a very dark time in recent history. I’ve no doubt that there was a lot of comfort had from these four minutes of film when it was released, and not just because the fans for this show are deeply invested in its development. This single line seems to convey so much of what couldn’t be said in words (or images), and I’m not about to try here, so I’m going to wrap this part up and move on to the dialogue in the next one. As always, comments, questions, discussion: always welcome 😊

[silverbirching]

So I'm big mad, BIG MAD, about umbrella academy. I'm going to be purposefully vague but there may be spoilers. If you haven't watched season four, DON'T. Just don't. Pretend it got canceled after the flawed and aimless but still overall fun season 3. Grr, netflix, another great show canceled before its time, shake fists, etc.

You gotta understand, for all it's flaws, I love the shit out of this show. It's one of the foundational connections between me and my best friend. I felt like it saw the shortcomings of the MCU and the modern superhero wave and saw what the fandom was up to and went yeah, let's make a show for them. Let's make a show about messy, queer, codependent weirdos with wildly dysfunctional relationships built on an unshakeable foundation of love they refuse to acknowledge or cultivate. Let's make a show about hopeless traumatized trash goblins who happen to have superpowers.

I thought they got it, y'know? That the people who watched and loved the show weren't doing it because they were invested in the frankly bonkers and never-very-good plot about timelines and time travel and all that other bullshit fuckery. I thought they understood that what we loved, what kept us coming back, was the humor, the quirky tone, and the characters.

Luther the world's biggest puppy, learning that he isn't Superman and that's okay. Diego, never quite figuring out that he isn't Batman (because Batman is, y'know, smart) and that also being okay. Allison and her constant struggles to be a good person up against the fact that she has cheat codes enabled and can have literally anything she wants, at the cost of the free will of everyone around her. Klaus and his struggles with addiction and narcissism, dear sweet Ben and Alternate Universe Asshole Ben, Five the unbearable little shit who nonetheless loves his family in a way he wouldn't admit to under torture, Viktor and his journey to define what he is apart from his father and feelings of inadequacy. Prickly, at-least-30%-insane Lila learning to accept a family she wasn't looking for.

AND BOY HOWDY, DID SEASON FOUR FUCK IT ALL UP.

Character relationships? Reset to zero or not really touched on. Allison's slide into villainy after season 3? Treated as an awkward family in-joke. Her broken relationship with Viktor? Still broken, not fixed, but at one point they make eye contact and kinda smile so I guess that's our catharsis. Diego and Five come into conflict? Never resolved. The show ends with them hating each other. Lila and Diego? Same. Ray? Naw, who's got time for that. Sloane? Who? Oh, that chick. I think Luther mentions her once but who cares. Klaus? We don't really care about him so let's give him a three episode subplot that erases all his character growth and contributes fuck-all diddly squat motherfucking nothing to the overall plot. Ben? Still an asshole despite the time skip. Viktor? He's around I guess. He yells at his dad once. That was cool.

And nothing they did ever mattered, they never mattered, and now thanks to the bullshit timeline fuckery equivalent of "it was all a dream" (an INFAMOUSLY unpopular and audience-alienating way to end a story), they never existed. We were all stupid to care.

Man, fuck a lot of season 4.

[lazerv4]

Thoughts on Game Changer (Seasons 1 to 5)

Just my raw thoughts not a review or anything

A.K.A. a small love letter to dropout.

One day you are a simple person scrolling through shorts/reels/tiktoks, just mindlessly looking for something entertaining to watch for like a minute at a time, suddenly you stumble upon a weird game show with ridiculous stipulations and incredibly funny rants in the middle of it, you think to yourself wow I really wanna watch the full show but then you find out it’s exclusive to a streaming network called Dropout and you don’t really want to spend money on it, but you keep stumbling upon the shorts and suddenly you start getting other shows like Um, Actually, Dirty Laundry and Dimension20, your curiosity gets the better of you and you subscribe on either the main page or become a member on their youtube channel and boom, your world has been turned completely upside down by a new hyperfixation that might be some of the best and highest quality streaming every made, a community of people that truly care for each other and feel like they are creating things they really love, this is about one of those, the darling of CEO and host Sam Reich, the always entertaining Game Changer the only game show where the game changes every show, my favorite show on Dropout and just one of my favorite shows of all time. But as we know the only way to learn is by playing, the only way to win is by learning and the only way to begin is by beginning.

Season 1 is short but a swat and beautiful little beginning, it starts with the iconic Lie Detector episode where a lot of the popular clips come from, a brilliant idea by Sam to bamboozle his players with the twist that the robot indicating if they are lying is really their partners in the next room just pressing a button, a very ingenious and funny concept that would be fully perfected in season 6 but for now it starts the show with the right leg with both concept and contestants as this is also the debut of all time favorite Brenan Lee Mulligan, one of the most fun to watch comedians in general be it improv or not. The episode is followed by a 3 time game samer that would eventually turn into its own show making some noise which I will probably explain further if I cover the full show. Being two for two is fantastic but the show still hit us with some other great episodes such as a Game of Prizes which sees the contestants guessing what prizes are real and which are just made up words put together to sound appealing, Whodunnit which is a who would have thought a whodunnit and finally Nom Nom Nom a flavor guessing game with a big disembodied mouth approving or disapproving their choices. The selection of Season 1 was small but a strong start for the show and setting what we would come to know as the game changer formula plus it gave us a lot of the shorts that we still see promoting it to this day even 4 years and 6 seasons later.

Season 2 begins with a game samer that being the previously mentioned second part of the segment that would turn into Make Some Noise which is a little strange of a start but the waters where still being tested and Dropout was still CollegeHumor which was owned and operated by IAC, a company that expected ridiculous profits from the young streamer that even with its high quality programming was nearly impossible. Episode 2 in a way is revenge against IAC as Sam very clearly is just giving away money for making the contestants do ridiculous challenges testing the good old phrase, how much money would you do that for to it’s full extend, this is follow by Sleeper Agents, one of my favorite underrated episodes where the contestants must go outside and talk to random people trying to trigger a response from a set of questions to see if they are hired actors playing the titular sleeper agents or just normal people walking down the street. Another banger and progenitor of some of the other popular clips is A Sponsored Episode were in a fun twist the contestants must become infomercial hosts and sell Sam on some ridiculous and stupid products like the iconic only p keyboard or flavored toilet paper for eating ass it’s just hit after hit and even with all that it’s not the best episode this season. Next we get another underrated episode with The Everything Factory where contestant most essentially become workers with an assembly line and construct different contraptions all to the glee of Sam and his wicked imagination but as fun as it is being sandwiched between the sponsor and the finale is a tough spot as the grand ending to season 2 brings us possibly the most iconic Brendan moment and by extension the greatest rant in the history of game changer with the episode Yes or No which I implore you to watch before I spoil the twist. The episode is simple, Sam will keep asking continuously yes or no and awarding points with seemingly no rhyme or reason with the objective of figuring out the rules of the game and why he awards points, at first it seems completely random until something weird starts to come to our attention, Brenan isn’t scoring points, which in game about 50/50 you would think would be impossible and you would be right as it is slowly figured out by everyone and finally by Brenan himself that the rule is simply that he cannot win anything which trigger the mother of all monologues as he compares himself to Icarus flying too close to the sun as a competitor and a statistical wonder before delivering the punchline at the end and wrapping this season with one of the greatest moments in the show’s history as the ending theme kicks in and Sam says goodbye until season 3 arrives.

Season 3 was heavily affected by the covid19 pandemic as episodes had to be filmed remotely via zoom or an equivalent, a lot of is a little forgettable as the struggle to make the show work was front and center but still a few gems came out of it like the premier Tell Us About Yourself in which they have to figure out the identity of a secret masked individual (who turns out to be Tony Hawk), the game samer Sell Outs which is a repeat of the sponsored episode, the always fun Secret Samta duology in which well they do a secret santa spin on a competitive game to a really hilarious extend, a personal favorite in Make It Fashion which is about well making outfits out of nothing, Tome of Terror follows as a horror story maker and the finale Next Slide Please which weaponizes random ted talk slides to create funny presentations in a very Jackbox way that is still very entertaining regardless. Overall Season 3 struggled but it did the best it could with the hand that it was dealt and Sam should be commended for his handling of the situation and the way he still made the show work and be fun while people needed it most, it hits a little different now that it’s all over but it is by no means a skip and has the same classic laughs even if they are from different points in the map.

Season 4, one of my favorite preview graphics of all time that I really really want as poster Sam please I need this. S4 gives us many many iconic episodes, possibly the highest number of them to date and some really special episodes so this section might be a little long as I want to talk extensively about this season. First off it starts with Sam Says that while pretty tame this time around grows into possibly the single best series of game samers in the entire show with the ways it twists such a simple game as simon says into pure chaos and fun which is then followed up by another progenitor for a game samer with Like My Coffee which birthed some incredibly iconic clips like the green virginal one from Grant and was just incredibly funny the first time around and also when it came back again, now we just need a third one to wrap up the samer. Noise Boys follows which at this point I’ve explained enough and you should know what it is and then another game samer (are you getting tired of reading game samer yet) with the last and possibly greatest Secret Samta which just ups the ante by making it happen in the actual studio this time and works wonders on giving this samer a proper closure. Filmed Before A Live Studio Audience is one of the most interesting and experimental episodes yet with essentially a clap and boo track slowly leading the contestants into a sort of sketch action by action and thrive on their bewilderment at the situation they are in. Then comes one of my favorite episodes with The Official Cast Recording and this one is special, the sheer amount of talent being shown by improvising an entire musical even with it’s wonky story is fantastical, the numbers are all so incredibly good and the ongoing jokes make me laugh every time, it is truly a wonder that it was even possible to create this entire game which also spun off into it’s own series with Play It By Ear. The episode is just a marvel to behold and while not a recommendation to introduce people to Game Changer it is an incredible showcase on what makes this show unique and interesting so enjoy your temporary stay on Mounport. We then reach one of the most beautiful displays of love you can ever see with Don’t Cry, the episode starts of as a seemingly normal challenge about not crying with some games but as it goes on it starts to get really emotional and lovely till it reveals itself to be a tribute to Jess Ross their friend who had a really rough pandemic that canceled her wedding. This episode is so special, it never fails to make me cry and just makes me feel like so incredibly happy. I won’t spoil much more because it really is an experience you should have but I do wanna say that if there is anything I can ever ask for in life it is to be loved by the people around me at least a little like how everyone at dropout loves Jessica Ross.

Resuming the normalcy in this random collection of words I’ve been rambling on for a while now we have Race to the Bottom which also turned into a game samer, can you tell this season is good? it’s basically a reverse bidding war with the twist that the contestants have to unionize to win the game, which is kind of a really cool and interesting message  that was somehow given through a game show. It’s a great episode and will hopefully turn into a great trilogy when the third one drops. Then we have the final two parter, another progenitor of game samer and of technically it’s own mini season during season 5 Survivor which puts the contestants in a game of well Survivor, a simple but really fun idea since Survivor the actual show is an incredibly entertaining reality but with the unhinged cast of dropout anything can go so further beyond, particularly because Brenan is in this episode and it turns out he really loves Survivor so he will do anything to win and the twists and turns this creates are so mesmerizing and shocking you won’t know what to expect until the season ends and you are watching the extra episode on the things this season Cut For Time which is a new addition that has Sam talking you through everything that happened during the episodes and what they couldn’t show, think of it as extra features on a DVD/Bluray. It is quite short but it wraps an incredible season just reminding you of how great of a run it was as you see small parts of all previous episodes and at this point you can just smile as Game Changer has been fully realized and shown that it is one of the greatest pieces of TV to ever exist.

Now it’s a little awkward to go into Season 5 after how I ended the last segment but rest assured the momentum didn’t stop and it will never stop as we kick off the new season with Sam Says 2 a game samer from last season that is as funny as it was previously with new running jokes and some incredibly smart and weird prompts from Sam to keep the contestants on their toes even in a game as simple as simon says. If you are watching this in a playlist you’ll immediately see this season’s new feature in the BTS videos which are short 6 to 10 minute episodes about well the making of the episode with Sam explaining the origin of the game and the why of the selected contestants which in general is just very interesting ad a cool extra feature that we got along the Cut For Time at the end so it’s a general gain plus it’s pretty good. A game samer into a game changer it’s Karaoke Night a kind of spiritual successor to my beloved The Official Cast Recording but with pop music instead of musicals and there is no structure it’s more about impersonating styles of several musician correctly and well this is another incredible display of raw talent and a very fun episode that while it starts a little slow it wraps up magnificently into a crescendo of it’s own making which drops us off into the next episode, another game samer with Like My Coffee 2 a funnier and stupider evolution to a very simple concept that somehow keeps finding ways to entertain and just bring me joy whenever I click on the video on dropout. So far we’ve had two samers and one changer which means that we need a changer and what a game changer we got with an absolute top 5 Name A Number which comes with an all time cast rivaled by few in Becca Scott, Izzy Roland and Erika Ishii bringing in pure chaos to a game that at first seemed simple with just prompts that they had to name how many times they could perform until midway through the game the prompts become unknown until the number has been named, the absolute diabolical connivingless of Sam has been fully realized and deliver some of the absolute funniest of laughs and some incredibly hard to watch cringe. I hope Becca got her money for the feet stuff. A Game Most Changed seems to be a somewhat divisive episode that people either really like or don’t seem to care for at all, it’s an improvised shakespearian play with random prompts throw in about the topic and things that need to be mentioned which just in the raw concept you should know if that appeals to you or not so moving on to the next episode which is another instantly iconic one As A Cucumber which in case you can’t tell it’s an episode about remaining calm but with Katie, Brennan and Carolyn onboard you know shit is about to go down. The way this episode works is by attaching heart rate monitors to the players and by maintaining their resting heart rate below 20 above they can score points and hence win the game. The approach taken by each one of them was varied with Katie’s not so good attempt at just remaining cheerful and normal, Brenan’s competitive enlightenment and Carolyn’s laid bad chill switch we see all kinds of reactions and ways people can be driven to madness, particularly in what might be the peak of all Game Changer clips is the name that bird segment in which Brennan completely loses his temporarily acquired enlightenment in a sort of calm rage as he gets more and more upset as the segment continues before it’s revealed to be roose to upset Brennan and break his streak. This episode is just great, I hope it become as samer with season 7 later this year and so we move to the next episode which happens to be a double parter, the first non finale one which is The Bi Bachelor a show that does well The Bachelor with Grant O’Brien being the contestant and having to choose from a pool of candidates to go on a trip to Cabo San Lucas.

The game has so many twists and turns that covering it would just be a retelling of the entire thing and you don’t need that, you need to sit down and watch this great parody of trashy tv with an ending you are just not ready for. The finale not finale is Escape The Green Room, why finale not finale well because the true end of Season 5 is an extended semi season that will get it’s own spot after this but now Escape the Green Room, Game Changer’s take on the escape room. The episode begins with the contestants on a room that is not the normal show floor awaiting the order to go proceed downstairs and begin the episode, Sam is there with them until he is called downstairs mid magic trick and then the door locks and the screen turns on, the game begins. Secretly the entire room has been customized and modified around the classic escape room concept that if you’ve ever been to one you know how the episode will go with the exception that Siobhan, Brenna and Lou just really don’t give a shit and will tear through everything to get out in another banger of an episode that had my laughing the whole way through, this one also has one of the most interesting BTS videos as it goes into the making and design of what was basically making a escape room from scratch. I would love for this to be made into an actual place I can visit but at least I got to see it happen and it was wonderful. This sort of ends the season as the next few episodes are kind of it’s own thing but the Cut For Time episode is after them in the playlist but it also has its own playlist so I’ll just handle it like a limited series sort of event that will be talked about as a single episode instead of the 5 episodes it is.

Game Changer Battle Royale a 3 hour plus spectacular semi samer to the original survivor episode that takes all that made that episode great and dials it up to 11, as the show is longer, the totems are harder to find, the challenges are harder and there is more on the line than ever before. Everything about this mini series is gold with it being incredibly funny and sometimes even impressive in what it’s capable of doing and a very funny surprise guest that showed up out of nowhere, the one and only fault I can think of that is not even a fault is that Ana Garcia who was making her debut in Game Changer got injured on episode one and we missed out on her antics since she has proven to be an incredibly funny comedian in every other show she has show up on dropout. Battle Royale was just so much fun and reached the apex of the reality idea for Game Changer which I’m not sure if it can be topped but it can for sure be iterated upon and I do hope we come back to see it again every few years.

Now to wrap up this massive massive post I just wanna say that I love dropout, they are a wonderful set of people that truly do care and deserve all the support they get, a lot of entertainers and comedians have been recently trying to leave youtube and copy the dropout system without getting what made dropout great to begin with, it is the charm, the effort and pure love they put into everything they make that makes it so great, not the production values or how much money they spend on it, it’s about the people it gives a home to and what they are able to accomplish when you give a genius free reign to make whatever they think is best, dropout is a special place and Game Changer is a great signature show to lead the brand, I will always love it and be here to support it, it is as Brennan once said to Sam “You’ve made a home where my favorite people get to show the world how brilliant and amazing they are.”