#we are indeed getting fucked because of stable diffusion

[yespolkadotkitty]

Merry Christmas, Jaskier

@whenrainbowsend​ , this is for you. Happy Christmas and I hope you enjoy your @thewitchersecretsanta​ gift!

Words:  1300  ~ Pairing: Jaskier x Geralt of Rivia ~ Warnings: Tooth-rotting fluff.

Read on AO3 here

Christmas.

For years, Christmas had meant:

-His shitty apartment above Roach’s stable.

-Christmas TV.

-Waking up alone, usually hungover.

-Scouring the usual boards for bail bondsman work. Finding some, jumping in the car. Dragging a criminal into an empty lock-up manned by one surly cop.

-Or finding no work, getting antsy, and going for a hike, for something to do.

It’d been..... Lonely.

But for the first time - things would be different.

For the first time since they’d..... gotten together, Jaskier was coming for Christmas.

Geralt leaned against the kitchen doorway of his new apartment (much less shitty than the previous one, with an adjoining stable) and watched with amusement as Jaskier carted the sixth box into the living room.

A room that Jask lit up even when he was’t here. He’d set up photos of the two of them - everything from their first night out together, when Jaskier had presented a non-plussed Geralt with a faux-distressed Jaskier and the Dandelions UK Tour 2019 t-shirt, to last month when they’d toured the London Winter Wonderland together and Jaskier had tugged them both into one of those tourist-trap photobooths.

Geralt would never admit it out loud but that picture was his favourite.

“And what’s in this one?”

Jaskier tossed a look over his shoulder. “Lights.”

“That’s what you said about the second box.”

“Different sort of lights, Geralt. Gods, you really haven’t had Christmas for years, have you? Poor baby.” He set the box down and crossed the room to Geralt, cupping his face and kissing him square on the mouth.

Geralt scowled.

Jaskier grinned. “That’s better.” He patted Geralt’s cheek and then went back to the boxes, bending over at an angle that absolutely flattered his ass.

Geralt sighed.

Over the next forty minutes, Geralt admired the view as Jaskier erected a six foot tree from a box.

“Need a hand?”

“No. No,” Jaskier repeated when Geralt tried to help. “Let me give you this, Geralt. Enjoy it. Let someone do something nice for you.”

“Oh, because you never do nice things for me,” Geralt drawled.

Jaskier just sent him a winning grin, and so, as usual, Geralt let the bard have his way.

What a musician like Jaskier, who regularly sold out stadiums, wanted with a tired bail bondsman with him was anyone’s guess, but Geralt had learned not to question it. With the force that was Jaskier, you didn’t prepare.You simply strapped in for the ride.

The tree glittered with tiny pinprick lights in soft gold. The branches might have been plastic, but with that diffused lighting, the artfully arranged pine cones and dried orange slices - where the fuck did Jask get this crap? - and ribbons and snowflakes, hell if it didn’t look right out of the forest.

Jaskier leaned up on his tip-toes to place a wooden star covered in glitter and who else knew what on the top of the tree, then paused.

“Would you like to do it?”

“Do what.”

“Put the star on. Come on Geralt, were you born or did you crawl out from under a rock?”

Geralt sighed, crossed the room to the tree that was very nearly as tall as him. “Okay. Give it here.”

“Wait, I want to document this. For posterity.”

“I’ll give you posterity.” Geralt held out his hand. “Give. It. Here.”

Jaskier held up a finger. “Wait, you big grumpy bear.” He tugged his iPhone from his pocket and flipped the camera on, then placed the star in Geralt’s palm. “Ready.”

Geralt stepped forward and, without having to stretch at all, placed the star on the top two, sticky-up branches of the tree, and then looked at the camera.

“Smile then!” Jaskier groused.

Geralt smiled obediently.

“Now what do we do?”

“I’m glad you asked!” Jaskier slid his phone back in the pocket of his charmingly distressed jeans. Why he paid top dollar to have someone else artfully rip his jeans, Geralt would never understand. “Now we eat mince pies and look at the twinkling lights.”

Geralt dropped on the enormous leather sofa (his choice, Jaskier would have plumped for velvet) just as the bard swept out of the kitchen area with a silver platter bearing two mince pies dusted with sugar.

“Sweet mince,” Geralt said doubtfully.

“I repeat. Have you been living under a rock? Try it, you’ll like it.” He dropped down next to Geralt and lifted a pie to the bondsman’s lips. “Go on.”

Taking a bite, Geralt found himself smiling as the sweet and tart flavours of the seasonal treat exploded on his tongue. The pastry was buttery and crumbly and he took another bite from Jaskier’s hands as soon as he could.

The tree twinkled by the big window of his apartment, he had delicious pie in his mouth and the man he loved at his side.

This Christmas was shaping up to be something very special indeed.

*****

Later that evening, they stretched out on the same sofa (Jaskier had become accustomed to it, it was great for naps), watching Love, Actually.

“Every year I hope that Alan Rickman won’t cheat on Emma Thompson,” Jaskier sighed, his head pillowed on Geralt’s shoulder.

Geralt grunted, hoping this would be a sufficient response.

“But every year he does.”

“Why do you still watch it?”

Jaskier snuggled into Geralt, tugging the throw over them both. “Hope.”

“Seems pointless.”

“You would say that. But I believe in love. And thank Christ! If you’d been left to your own devices we wouldn’t be here.”

Damn if that didn’t strike a nugget of outlandish fear into Geralt’s heart. He actually shuddered. A little.

“Fortunate that you took the initiative, then.”

“Very fortunate,” Jaskier said cheekily, playfully drilling a finger into Geralt’s chest. “I could be anywhere in the world tonight, you know. Strumming my lute in Venice, on the Rialto bridge, playing to a full house at the Globe, winking at supermodels in Cannes-”

“I know,” Geralt murmured, and he ignored the TV and pulled the bard close, nuzzling his soft, chocolate brown hair. “I know. And it beggars belief - to me anyway - that you’re here. But now that you are, I never want you to leave.”

Jaskier sighed happily.

Then he squeaked, and sat up. “Geralt?”

“Hmm.”

“I’ve never heard you say that many words in one go! Will you say some more?”

A low chuckle escaped the bondsman’s lips. “What would you like me to say?”

Jaskier rolled his eyes. “You doofus. How about, Merry Christmas, Jaskier?”

Everything settled inside Geralt. A warmth filled his chest and he dropped a kiss on Jaskier’s head. “Merry Christmas, Jaskier.”

Unbeta’d

[amphii-writes]

How Aoba Johsai / Seijoh And I would Interact Head cannons

Hey! this is just how I think I would interact with the team because I know myself better than I know you, the reader! so i’m sorry if these are a bit boring :,)

TW: swearing

I’m pretty mild-mannered around people who i don't know or who scare me and boy is aoba johsai scary

I feel like if i ever saw oikawa id just kinda try to run away- like i get that hes pretty but his fucking team is so scary ashpnidaludshd

I’d be nice about it though- I’d dodge his flirting like that one scene in the matrix and excuse myself as nicely as possible

But like if I ever saw Mattsun, Mad Dog, or iwaizumi? Ahsisudiak I’d probably combust. They’re canonically intimidating and i’m a grade A pussy so… yeah

Don't get me started on if i thought i pissed one of them off.

I’d deadass start crying- i joke with my friends that i'm tough but i’m really not like- at all

And if I recognized them?? I'd be also melting out of embarrassment because id be freaking out like anyone would be

Personally i'd be flipping my shit over Iwaizumi no cap

Man has arms and arms for days my bitch ass would just o-o ah yes indeed a splendid specimen oh waiT

Oh and if any of them walked up to me (during school) I’d also combust but I’d try to be as stable as possible during said mini-meltdown

I feel like oikawa would be the one to walk up to me, dragging poor Iwaizumi with him and the rest of the group just follows cause Oikawa and the 3rd years kinda run it so like *insert shrugging emoji*

Of course because i don't wanna be an asshole id try to make some small talk with the team, hows life, how are you, what's new, etc etc and just try to be as nice and un-intimidating/diffusing as possible

I wanna make myself look like less of a threat to my homeboy Kyotani cause i get how he feels on the low anyway

I feel like oikawa would invite me to be a manager and id just be like run that past me again or lemme move my bang 2 read that again haha

I'd go because whether i like it or not i'm worried about what the team thinks of me so like lol guess i’m making cookies or bringing everyone lunch or dinner that i made 

I feel like they’d eat anything in front of them but i'd make them Korean barbecue style ramen and just see how it goes from there

They wouldn’t say shit about my food in front of the coach so even if they fucking hated my cooking they’d be sweet n shit like “ty ma’am tysm for the meal it means a lot”

But the Korean ramen high-key slaps so i think they’d like it anyways so POG for me bitches

I’d be shaking in my boots anyways and i have a feeling mattsun and makki would make fun of me for it, lmao i'd also make fun of myself so i can't say shit tbh

Oh yeah i'm also 5’2 so that doesn't exactly help either. I’m so fucking short- like that shit would be like jack and the beanstalk, as in a bitch is in the land of the giants

My neck would hurt from looking up so much and those bastards would tease me for it

Kyotani would see me as probably suspicious cause a random girl oikawa invited grr hate oikawa bark bark and id just be like bro i dont wanna be a dick i’m trying my best please give me some positive words of affirmation and he’d just be like bruh

Mattsun and Maki would absolutely clown on my ass 24/7 and id join in on making fun of myself, hell might as well! Shits fun and they’d find it funny as fuck if i roasted myself

Iwaizumi would probably try to be as civilized as he can, like he’d try not to assault Oikawa in front of me for the sake of the teams image and oikawa’s non-existent ass and id just be like “dude, i feel you, i feel your pain, i also want to kick the shit out of oikawa” and then we’d just be bros simple as that

Kindaichi would probably combust because g o r L in gym gOrl slightly attractive gorl made food hmMMMM and just not be able to function- again, me too bro, me too.

I feel like Kunimi out of everyone would be the most unbothered, he’d treat me like a member of the team or just a friend. Hes hella chill so id probably bop with him.

I’d come back tbh, seijoh bops and as long as oikawa isn't too annoying i'm fine.

Id bring cookies n shit and be hella supportive, i think they’d add me into the group chat and i’d mom with iwaizumi being the dad counterpart, thus making the 3rd years jokingly ship us and id just be like ahhaha jkjk…. Unless?? Ahaha

Oikawa would catch on so fucking fast and would hatch some shit operation to get us together cause mom friend who makes us cookies and rough n harsh dad friend who kicks the shit out of me need to get together to balance each-other out

Me and Iwaizumi would absolutely fucking find out

I would make less food for the team just so oikawa doesn't get a serving and then i'd whip out some and be like “that's what happens when you try to interfere with other people's lives, and you didn't even ask me if i had a partner >:(“ and that would be it, he’d be fine from me but Iwaizumi? Aha RIP

On that note, i feel like me and Iwaizumi would be the closest out of everyone on the team

I usually get myself into shit because i want to protect others thus giving me the title of mom or big sis and Iwaizumi would understand that so fucking well- we love man who want to prottec and attac 

We’d talk about dumb shit we and or our friend groups have done and just collectively sigh in mom/dad friend

We’d have like weekly movie nights n shit and just be homies tbh

And if the team ever finds out about those movie nights? Rip iwaizumi-san cause homeboy won't hear the end of it at all

And i wont either, cause Oikawa, Mattsun, and Maki are bastards, but my bastards, and would make suggestive jokes all the fuckin time. (i would pull an iwaizumi and kick their shins cause at least i'm on their level)

Also feel like oikawa would call me a “foreign beauty” and ask me to teach him English

The name of their group chat is “Seibros” and it,,, pains me

Kyotani’s name on my phone for sure is just “GRRR BARK BARK WOOF GRRR” with a photo of a rabid dog as his picture