#we are going to do it again on monday bc of how light i want the color

[7amonathursdayinoctober]

YALL IM GONNA DYE MY HAIR LIGHT PINK WHAT DO YOU THINK

[haikyuuhoo]

Writing this simply because today is my birthday and I wanted to be selfish. Also it’s unedited bc I just got home and now I’m gonna go eat dinner <3

You let out a heavy breath as you step over the threshold into your apartment, your shoulders already aching from the weight of carrying around your backpack full of books all day. You drop your keys on the table by your front door and start to remove your bag.

It’s only Monday and you already feel exhausted just from the anticipation of the upcoming week. That, and the fact that the night before you’d gone out to dinner with a group of your friends to celebrate your birthday. Technically your birthday was today, but you were all so busy during the week that it was a hassle to be able to get everyone together at once. Plus, you never really cared all that much about celebrating your birthday, so you didn’t mind the fact that your only plans for tonight were to curl up on your couch with the book you’ve been reading. Really, it sounded like the perfect night in.

You start to head to your bedroom, ready to change into some more comfortable clothes, but movement in your kitchen catches your eye. Your heart nearly stops beating before you register the shock of white hair disappearing behind your pantry door. “Satoru?” you breathe, taking a step in the opposite direction you’d just been intending to go.

Your boyfriend peeks his head back out, and you catch the glint of his eyes over his sunglasses as he smiles at you. “Oh, you’re home already, traffic must’ve been light today!”

Your backpack falls to the floor with a thud as you rush over to him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. The little “oof” that Satoru lets out makes your heart flutter—the subconscious dropping of his infinity around you is never subconscious to you. “What are you doing here?” The words are muffled against his shoulder, and you feel yourself melt as he raises a hand to cradle the back of your head and pull you impossibly closer to him.

Gojo had been away for the past two weeks on missions and business, and wasn’t due to come back for another six days. It had momentarily saddened you that he wasn’t able to join you and your friends for dinner the night before, especially with how busy the two of you had been between him always away on missions and you always busy with grad school, but once you were there and enjoying the night it was out of your mind—plus, the money he’d Venmoed you to cover your bill more than made up for it.

“It’s your birthday, did you really think I was gonna miss it?”

You tilt your head back to look up at him, bringing your hands up to cup his cheeks. “But you’re supposed to be working,” you scold. “You know I don’t care when we celebrate.”

“And you know that I do.” He grins down at you. In the three years you had been dating, Satoru hadn’t let your birthday go by without doing something the day of, even if the proper celebration was moved to a more convenient time. “Now go get changed. I was trying to find something to make you dinner, but it looks like you haven’t gotten groceries in weeks.”

You feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment as you pull back slightly. “I know, I’ve just been—“

“—busy,” he hums and leans down, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “I know. I’ll just order something from that place you like and we can watch a movie or something. That sound okay?”

Your shoulders drop, some of the tension from the day fading away. “That sounds perfect,” you whisper, and you close the distance between you two to kiss him again.

Gojo’s hands drop to your waist, pulling you flush against him as your hands slip up into his hair.

“I’ve missed you,” you murmur.

Gojo leans his forehead against yours. “I’ve missed you too. ‘S why I couldn’t miss this.”

You smile, pressing one more quick kiss to his lips before pulling away to go change.

Gojo quickly places a delivery order for dinner before he waltzes over to your bedroom—it doesn’t even take him ten steps to cross the distance of your one-bedroom apartment—and leans against the doorframe.

“Admiring the view?” you tease as you pull a t-shirt over your head, your favorite pair of sweats already on as you turn to face him.

“Mmm, I was beginning to forget what it looked like,” he drawls.

You scoff and grab his hand, pulling him with you toward the couch. “Those pictures I sent you yesterday say otherwise.”

The grin that spreads over Gojo’s face is nearly blinding. “And I should’ve asked for more of them.” He stops walking, tugging you back against him and burying his face in the crook of your neck. “You looked so good, baby.” He presses kisses down your shoulder, and you can nearly feel him frown against you as he notices the tension there.

“I’m fine,” you insist before he can say anything, and you move away to go sit on the couch.

“Can’t believe they make you have so many books,” he huffs as he picks up your backpack from where you’d let it fall, instead setting it on the chair at the table where you normally do your homework.

You shrug, grabbing the remote and beginning to look for a movie for you two to watch. “How are those big textbook companies ever gonna make any money if they don’t make a new edition each year and force you to buy it instead of allowing you to get it cheaper from someone who took that class last year?” you quip, making Gojo snort as he sits next to you.

He wraps an arm around your shoulders, not even paying attention to the options on the screen as he lets his gaze settle on your face.

“You should let me give you a massage,” he says after a few minutes of silent scrolling, and you raise your eyebrows.

“Dinner and a massage? Gojo Satoru, you might just be giving me the best birthday yet,” you tease with a smile.

And he grins in return. “And I’m not done yet. Plus, who’s to say there’s nothing in it for me? I can’t very well give you a massage with your shirt on can I?”

The laugh you let out makes Gojo’s heart soar, and he brushes his fingers against the bare skin of your bicep as he watches you.

“You leave for two weeks and revert back to a desperate horny teenager, huh?”

“Emphasis on the desperate,” he says as he lifts you up in a fluid motion, carrying you back to your bedroom as your laughter fills the apartment.

Later, when you’re sitting between Gojo’s legs and eating dinner while you watch the movie you both picked, you tilt your head back to look up at him. “Thank you for coming home,” you whisper. It’s dark and you can’t see his eyes through his sunglasses, but you keep your gaze locked there anyway, feeling the way his eyes shift to look down at you.

He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. “No need to thank me. I’ll come home every year,” he promises, and you know by the way that he squeezes your hand that he means it.

[bookworm551]

Of Duty and Desire | Chapter 4 | Neteyam x Metkayina!reader

A/N: So, ya girl got COVID on Monday, so I’ve had to miss work all week, but let my misfortune be your blessing bc I was able to finish this chapter early. Thank you for all the love from this fic, it’s almost finished!! I promise the next part will be fluffier, but in the meantime, I hope you enjoy angst :)

Words: 6.5k

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Epilogue

Fate seemed to be making a fool out of you. Before, when you wanted to see Neteyam, it was like he was never there, but now, one week after his confession, you were constantly running into him. To make matters worse, you were never alone together. There was always someone there to force the two of you into awkward interactions that you both wanted to avoid, and you would just have to pretend like everything was fine.

What was surprising was that nobody seemed to notice. Nobody paid any attention to the fact that you two were almost like strangers to each other. You wouldn't even look at each other if you could help it, though you couldn't resist watching his face every now and then when he wasn't looking.

You felt miserable, and there was no way to stop it. You had nobody to talk to about it since the one person you would go to was the one person you were avoiding. You wished that you had listened to him, that you hadn't pried, because now he didn't even acknowledge you in public. He would just nod politely like he would any stranger, or sometimes he wouldn't do anything at all. He would just walk by like you weren't there.

The only person who could manage to take your mind off of Neteyam was Tsireya. The two of you were inseparable, and even though you felt you couldn't tell her the truth about Neteyam, being around her eased the hurt you were hiding. You would often ask her to accompany you on errands around the island just so that you wouldn't have to be alone with your thoughts.

On one such occasion, the two of you were planning a trek up the island mountain to gather as many star berries as possible now that they were in season. You each had a large basket and a pouch full of water as you set off towards the trees to the mountain. As you crossed the beach, your attention was drawn to the figures of Lo'ak and Neteyam not far off.

You looked away quickly and hoped desperately that they didn't see you, but your luck didn't hold because Tsireya saw them, too. You sighed as she called out for the boys, and they both crossed over to where you both stood. You gave Neteyam a quick glance before looking down at the sand.

"We are heading up the mountain to pick star berries," Tsireya explained with a shining smile. "You should join us!" Lo'ak returned her smile eagerly and replied, "Sure, that sounds like fun." You stifled a sigh. Of course, he would agree to come with the two of you.

Neteyam glanced back and forth between you and Lo'ak uncomfortably. "Actually, there is something I need to go do," he said quietly and took a step back. Lo'ak shot his brother a confused look. "What are you talking about, bro?" He asked, giving Neteyam a light smack on his arm. "Don't be a wuss, come on."

Neteyam looked carefully over at you and hesitated. You realized that he was gauging your reaction to see how he should reply. If he came, it would force the two of you to interact more than you had the whole week put together. At first, you were inclined to react negatively, but after a split second, you said, "These baskets will be heavy when they're full. It would be nice to have more hands to carry them."

Neteyam blinked in surprise before nodding slowly. "Alright," he conceded. Honestly, you surprised yourself. Maybe it was for the best that you avoided him, but doing that was already causing you so much misery. If you could try and ease the tension between you, perhaps you could regain some semblance of your friendship again.

The four of you walked together into the trees. Tsireya and Lo'ak stepped side-by-side while you and Neteyam each walked on the opposite sides of them. You listened to their chatter while occasionally joining in to seem less awkward.

The path through the trees eventually narrowed so that only two at a time could walk together. Tsireya and Lo'ak pushed through together, forcing you and Neteyam to fall behind them. He hadn't said a word this whole time, and it seemed he would keep it that way unless you interjected.

"Hi," you said softly, looking up at him with a faint smile. He glanced over at you in mild surprise before replying back, "Hi." You took a couple of steps in silence while you thought of something better to say.

"Listen, I—," "I'm sorry—,"

You both rushed to speak at the same time, cutting each other off. Awkwardly, you both gave weak smiles before Neteyam said, "You first." You took a breath to regain your thoughts before speaking.

"I wanted to say that we shouldn't have to be so formal around each other," you explained quietly. "I miss speaking with you, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life treating you like a stranger." He took a couple of steps in contemplation. "And how should we be around each other?" He asked thoughtfully.

You gave a soft shrug. "Like friends," you suggested. He didn't say anything for a moment, he just looked up the trail where Lo'ak and Tsireya had disappeared to. "Friends," he repeated slowly like he was testing the word in his mouth. You nodded. "Friends," you confirmed.

He seemed dubious, but he nodded with you. "It's your turn now," you stated. "What were you going to say?" He looked over at you with a faint smile that quickly faded away. "I am sorry for my behavior lately," he told you sincerely. "I wasn't sure how to handle everything, so I just decided that avoiding you was for the best."

You sighed as you looked down at the shrubs around your feet. "I understand," you said. "And I am sorry for what I did, too. I should not have pried, it was wrong." He shook his head with a sigh. "I was pulling away," he explained. "You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry."

You walked in a slow silence for a while. The path through the trees was now clearing up and turning upwards into the mountain. Lo'ak and Tsireya were already way ahead of you. "Keep up!" Lo'ak called from above with a laugh.

You and Neteyam shared a look before increasing your pace across the ground. The terrain was growing rocky, and your large basket made the ascent a little awkward. At one point, you stopped before a steep boulder, trying to figure out the best way up. Neteyam scaled it easily before turning back and offering his hand wordlessly.

You hesitated for half a moment before taking his hand, and he effortlessly pulled you up to him. You stood face-to-face for a moment with your hand still in his. His eyes flickered back and forth between your eyes and lips for a beat before he dropped your hand and took a step back toward the trail.

Heart pounding, you sighed and shook yourself mentally. Friends, you reminded yourself. Just be friends. You pressed on after the others ahead of you.

Before long, you all came upon the bushes of star berries that grew along the trail. The four of you immediately began picking, feeling triumphant about finally reaching your destination. All around you, the bushes spread over the ground and intermingled among various plants and flowers.

"Don't eat them!" Tsireya scolded Lo'ak playfully as he popped the berries into his mouth. You couldn't help but laugh as he skipped out of reach from your friend's swatting hands. "Just a couple won't hurt," Lo'ak argued with a grin.

He headed further up to start picking the berries further away so he could snack on them without fear of getting whacked for it. You shook your head at him with a smile as you, Tsireya, and Neteyam worked closely together to harvest the sweet food. "That skxawng is going to eat them all," Neteyam stated with a sigh, earning a laugh from you and Tsireya.

"I'm glad the rain lilies are still in bloom," you noted. "They are so pretty." Tsireya hummed in agreement. She leaned over to where a large, red flower grew from the ground and plucked it. With a smile, she turned back to you and placed it behind your ear.

"There," she said proudly. You laughed at her playfully but kept the flower in place. "Doesn't she look beautiful?" She asked Neteyam. His eyes glanced up at your face, and he smiled softly. "Very," he agreed after a beat.

You turned your head away to focus on picking more berries while you felt a warm blush spread across your face. Maybe having him come was not such a good idea.

Slowly, you made your way up the trail with your basket growing heavier and heavier. Tsireya had gotten up and moved over to Lo'ak to keep him from eating all the berries he picked, leaving you and Neteyam to work in silence together. You wanted to say something, but the words just didn't seem to flow like they used to. Now, it seemed that you had too much to say and no way of saying it.

After you had cleared most of the bushes around you, you stood up to move further up the trail. As you stood, the flower resting behind your ear came loose and fluttered down to the ground. Before you could stoop down and grab it, Neteyam reached over to where the flower had fallen and picked it up. He stood up beside you and brought his hand up to your head.

He carefully placed the flower behind your ear again, his fingers brushing against your hair as he stared down at you. You felt paralyzed as you looked up at him. His eyes were trained on the lily for a moment before moving to look at your eyes. You could see the longing in his face as his fingers slowly moved down and gently traced the edge of your face, causing your breath to falter.

With a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes and pulled back. "Friends," he muttered under his breath as he grabbed the basket off the ground and moved over to where the others were. You stood there for a moment and took a deep breath. This definitely wasn't a good idea.

You all continued collecting berries until both baskets were completely full. Together, you and the others hauled your harvest back down the mountain, Lo'ak and Tsireya walking together with a basket between them, leaving you and Neteyam to walk together with the other basket in silence.

"Surely, we can have a normal conversation together," you said finally, breaking the awkward silence between you.  "I miss talking to you." Neteyam didn't say anything for a beat before responding, "I miss talking to you as well." He looked over at you and studied your face for a moment. "I just—," he hesitated, and you both slowed your pace. "I don't know how to be 'just friends' when I feel the way I do," he admitted. "Or when I know how you feel, too."

You looked away from him, feeling slightly abashed. "I know," you said quietly. "I wish it was simple." You kept walking a few paces before stopping, forcing Neteyam to stop with you. "You know why it must be this way, yes?" you wondered aloud, staring up at him intently. He hesitated and took a deep breath.

"Yes," he answered quietly. "I know that you have a duty to uphold to your people." You nodded solemnly, turning back to walk down the trail. Neteyam didn't move though, and you looked back up at him questioningly. "But if you had a choice...," he began slowly, watching you carefully for your reaction.

You shook your head and gave him a warning look. "Don't do that," you told him in a low voice. "There is no choice, and wishing that there was will only make this worse." You noticed how his jaw flexed at your words as he stared down at you. You held his gaze for a moment before he looked away with a faint nod and continued down the path.

The truth was that you did wish that you had a choice. You tore yourself up over it day and night, yet somehow, it was more painful knowing that he also participated in that self-inflicted torture. Hearing it out loud made you aware of just how hurtful wishful thinking could be when there was no possibility of it coming true.

Still, Neteyam didn't seem happy with what you said, and he didn't say anything else for the rest of the trip back to the village. When you arrived back, you left your baskets with those preparing the food for the night. Neteyam immediately began walking away back toward the beach, but you still felt dissatisfied with how your conversations ended and wanted to give it one more try.

"Neteyam," you called out, stepping quickly across the sand to catch up to him. He stopped walking at the sound of your voice, but he didn't turn around. You grabbed his arm gently and pulled him around to face you. He turned to you with closed eyes and took a deep breath.

"Can you just tell me what you're thinking?" you pleaded softly. He opened his eyes and looked down at you tenderly. He waited a moment before speaking. "I want to be with you," he quietly admitted at last. "All the time, every day, I want to be with you." You stared up at him wordlessly as he took a breath. His face was gentle and forlorn as he gazed down at you.

"But you have an obligation to be with someone else," he continued with a slight shake of his head. "So, as much as I want to be with you, I think that me staying away is for the best." Your jaw clenched reflexively at his words, feeling the sting of them deep in your chest.

You stood there, not sure of what to say to him. "I am sorry," he whispered earnestly. "This is how it must be." Your eyes met his, and you could see that he truly looked regretful at what he was saying. He could only hold your gaze for a few seconds before he turned around and walked away, leaving you standing on the beach hurt and alone.

The hurt hadn't subsided by the next day, but you carried on as normally as you could. You didn't see him at all the whole day, even during meal times. He seemed to be committed to his resolve of staying away from you.

Later in the day, you were working in Ronal's tent when, from the corner of your eye, you saw a dark blue figure enter into the tent. With a heavy sigh, you closed your eyes. "I thought you said you weren't—," you cut yourself off mid-sentence as you opened them again. Lo'ak was standing there with one of his human-like eyebrows raised apprehensively.

"Sorry," you muttered, slightly embarrassed. "I thought— I thought you were Neteyam." With an awkward look, Lo'ak replied slowly, "Uh-huh." Taking a breath, you asked him, "What can I help you with?"

He studied you for a second. "My mother sent me to get something for a stomachache," he explained. You nodded and pushed yourself up from the floor to walk across the tent.

As you were searching for the appropriate remedy, Lo'ak said, "Speaking of Neteyam—," You sighed in exasperation at his words. You did not want to talk about Neteyam, especially not to his brother. "Sore subject?" Lo'ak observed. You shook your head, trying to remain as neutral as possible. "Why would he be?" You asked mutely.

From the corner of your eye, you could see that Lo'ak crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know," he replied, "but you're definitely a sore subject for him." You glanced over at him for a second before turning away, but you caught the expectant look on Lo'ak's face.

"What's going on with you guys?" He asked in concern. You paused, deliberating whether or not you should tell your friend what had happened. "It's nothing," you told him, grabbing a handful of leaves. You turned back to him and handed him the remedy. "Soak this in water and have her drink it," you instructed.

Lo'ak took the leaves but studied your face closely. "Whatever is going on with you," he said slowly, "it's killing him. I've never seen him like this before." Your chest tightened painfully, and you closed your eyes, fighting to stay composed. "Lo'ak," you pleaded quietly. "Just leave it."

He stared at you, unsure of what to do or say. Finally, he said, "Listen, I know that my brother can be annoying, but he cares about you a lot, you know?" You looked down at the floor. "I know," you responded quietly. Lo'ak shook his head. "It doesn't really seem like it," he countered. You felt your impassive countenance crumble as your throat tightened, and you looked up at him slowly.

"I know," you whispered.

Lo'ak froze, and his whole demeanor shifted as he realized what you were saying. "Oh," he replied in a loud whisper. "He told you?" You sighed regretfully. There was no point in denying it now.

"I sort of forced it out of him," you admitted. He hummed in understanding. "So that's why you guys have been acting weird," he surmised. You looked away from him with a faint nod. "It has been difficult for us to be around each other," you told him.

"What does Aonung think?" Lo'ak asked. You shook your head. "He doesn't know," you explained. "He can't know." Lo'ak raised an eyebrow at you. "You didn't tell him?" he sounded surprised. You sighed and ran a hand over your face. "Of course not," you replied. "It would just lead to more problems."

There was a pause, and from the corner of your eye, you could see Lo'ak watching you carefully. "Aonung does not have feelings for me," you explained slowly. "But if he finds out that Neteyam does, he will be very angry with him. And with me." Lo'ak looked at you in curiosity. "Why would he be angry with you?" he questioned.

You didn't respond for a moment, you just turned and looked up at him sadly. "Lo'ak," you whispered urgently. "It's not just Neteyam who has feelings. I...," you trailed off, hoping that he could pick up on what you were trying to say.

Fortunately, he did. "Oh," he whispered, and then his eyes widened at the realization of what you were saying. "Oh." He looked behind himself to make sure nobody was lurking by the entrance before he asked in a loud whisper, "You like him back?!"

You shushed him with a light smack on the arm, feeling embarrassed at his conclusion, but you were not able to deny it. "Oh, that is bad," he continued quietly, unfazed at you hitting him. "I thought you loved Aonung." You closed your eyes in exasperation. Maybe you should have kept this to yourself.

"We are betrothed," you explained in a hushed tone. "But we do not have feelings for each other. We never have." Lo'ak crossed his arms as he looked at you with a puzzled face. "Then why would you agree to be with him if you guys didn't like each other?" he questioned.

You let out a huff of irritation. Was he really this oblivious? "Don't you see?" You said desperately. "This has all been arranged since I was younger than Tuk." Lo'ak's eyebrows furrowed, and he seemed taken aback somewhat. "What do you mean?" He asked.

You sighed and shook your head. "My mother and Ronal have been close friends their whole lives. So, when my mother had a daughter and Ronal had a son...," you sighed in resignation. "It was obvious." Lo'ak didn't say anything as he watched you carefully. "When I turned 15," you continued, "they did a formal announcement, but it was all for show. I knew Ronal had chosen me, and saying yes seemed like the right thing for the People."

You paused as you remembered the day. Your family had seemed so happy, as did his. With hundreds of eyes on you, you accepted the role of tsakarem in front of the whole clan. You hadn't realized at the time what you were giving up, but how could you? You had never planned on falling in love with an Omatikayan warrior.

"So," Lo'ak began slowly, "you never really wanted any of this, did you?" You shook your head sadly. "No," you whispered. "And I cannot give up my position without bringing shame and dishonor to myself, my family, and Aonung. I would practically be an outcast." He nodded and gave you a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry," he told you earnestly. "Being an outcast is no fun, trust me." You gave him a weak smile and sighed again.

"You cannot tell anyone this," you said insistently. "Not Kiri, not Tuk, and definitely not Tsireya." You shot him a pointed look. Lo'ak raised his hands in surrender and said, "Alright, alright. Your secret is safe with me," then added as an afterthought, "but it won't be safe for long if you two don't figure out some way to act normally around each other. People are going to notice."

You nodded mutely at him. He was right— people would notice if you continued with this estranged relationship. "Thank you," you said quietly. "For listening and for keeping this quiet." He nodded softly and chuckled.

"If this gets out, Neteyam would be in more trouble than I've ever been in," he stated in amusement. You shot him a glare and smacked his arm again. "That's not funny," you told him in a serious tone. "Alright, it's not funny," he conceded with a wry grin still on his face. "I'm going to take this to my mother now."

You nodded and watched him leave. It felt nice to have a confidant, but your stomach still twisted with anxiety. Of all the people who could have found out, did it really have to be Lo'ak?

You were relieved, however, that Lo'ak seemed to keep your secret. He didn't tell, and he didn't try to interfere with the mess between you and his brother. You still didn't see Neteyam around very much, and it still hurt knowing why.

The first time you saw him again after picking berries was just a couple days after Lo'ak found out. You were all eating dinner together when Aonung came up to your circle of friends with Neteyam at his side. "I have found our wayward friend," Aonung joked as he sat down beside you. Neteyam had not sat with you all in nearly a week, and the others had started to notice his unexplained absence.

"Is it so bad for one to eat with their parents?" He defended with a small smile. Aonung rolled his eyes playfully. "If you don't like us, just say so," he replied. Neteyam chuckled at his friend and sat down across from you. You didn't bother looking at him, keeping your eyes trained on your food.

"Tomorrow, all of us are going hunting out past the reef," Aonung told him. "You should come with us." Neteyam paused in consideration. "All of you?" He asked casually, but you knew why he was asking.

"Not me," you interjected. "I am working with Ronal all day in the village, so I cannot go out hunting with them." Aonung nudged you gently. "You do not even like going out past the sea wall," he noted with a knowing smirk. The corners of your mouth turned upwards. He was right, you much preferred staying in the reef. It was much more beautiful than outside the drop-off, and you enjoyed the peacefulness of it all.

"I know," you said, nudging him back, "but I still wish I could choose." Neteyam couldn't help but give a quiet huff at your statement and replied quietly, "Wishing for a choice you don't have always makes it worse."

Neteyam hadn't really meant for you to hear it, but you did. The smile on your face immediately vanished, and you stared down at your food again. He saw your reaction and immediately knew that he had crossed the line. You didn't look at him or say anything else for the rest of the meal, and it weighed on him heavily. He decided to wait until you dismissed yourself to go and apologize in private, but you finished at the same time as Tsireya, and without another word, you left with her.

After everyone had finished eating, Neteyam went off on his own to find you before it grew too late in the evening. He walked through the village to where your home was, but he soon found it was empty. He was walking back towards the beach again when he came across Tsireya, who informed him that you had gone out for a late-night walk alone.

"She said she needed to clear her mind," she explained to him with a small shrug. Neteyam nodded gratefully and continued walking along the beach. He knew you enjoyed unwinding on the beach like you had the night he took you out on his ikran, and so he trailed the perimeter of the island in hopes of coming across you.

He wandered further and further away from the village until he came across the edge of the sea wall where the water ran over the edge of the rocks. He paused.  When I need to clear my mind, I have a secret place I like to go to. That's what you had told him before. Looking around, he recognized this as the north end of the sea wall, right where you told him you go.

Glancing around to ensure that no one was present to see him, Neteyam walked into the waves and began swimming out toward the overflowing water. The rocks of the sea wall stood out high above the rest of the sea, and the falling water produced a steady roar that drowned out most of the noise around.

Taking a breath, Neteyam submerged himself under the water where you said the cave entrance was. It was difficult to see, so he kept a hand on the rock as he swam deeper and deeper until it gave way and started receding away from him. Following the tunnel with his hand, he swam into the entrance of the rock until he began to see a faint glow ahead. He didn't have to swim far before the tunnel turned upward and his head broke the surface of the water.

You were sitting beside the pool of water that Neteyam had popped up from, and when you saw him, you gasped in surprise and jumped to your feet in alarm. "You scared me," you whispered harshly as you took a couple of steps back to regain your composure and calm your startled heart.

"I'm sorry," he said earnestly, but he couldn't resist a small smile at your reaction. "I thought I would find you here." You sighed in resignation. "You are the only one who could," you replied under your breath, sounding almost regretful that you had revealed your hiding spot to him.

Taking in the sight of the cave, Neteyam was impressed. The roof of the cave was high enough for even the tallest of Na'vi to stand at full height without issue, and in the dim light, Neteyam saw that the cave pushed back far into the body of the rock. The ground surrounding the water was smooth, and looking up along the damp cavern walls, there was glowing lichen growing over the rocks, casting a bluish glow throughout the whole space. It was beautiful.

You watched as he pulled himself up from the pool, droplets of water falling from his lean figure. "What are you doing here?" you questioned in a defeated voice. He took a breath, all the amusement from startling you disappearing from his face. "I am sorry for what I said before at dinner," he said honestly, stepping toward you. "I shouldn't have said anything."

You hugged yourself defensively and looked away from him. "You weren't wrong," you muttered quietly. He shook his head with a sigh. "That doesn't mean it was right for me to say," he pointed out. You didn't respond, keeping your eyes fixed on a particular spot on the wall to avoid looking at him.

"I know you want things to go back to how they were," he said gently, "but I do not think that is possible." You closed your eyes at his words, already feeling emotional about what he had said earlier in the evening. "I can't pretend to be fine while you are betrothed to someone else," he continued. "I just— I don't know how to be around you...but I can't seem to stay away from you."

You huffed dejectedly and fought back tears. You were so tired, both physically and emotionally. The friction between the two of you had been wearing you down since he had revealed his feelings for you. It was so difficult for you to go from being as close as you were to now having this tense and strained relationship. You wanted to make things right, but now, it felt impossible.

"So that's it?" you asked quietly. "We just go on with our lives acting like we don't know each other?" He looked down at you sadly without reply. "I don't want to do that," you continued softly. "I still care about you, Neteyam, but when you just ignore me, it feels like you hate me." His eyes softened at your words, and you had to glance away in order to keep your emotions in check. You whispered finally, "I don't know what to do to make it stop."

After a brief silence, Neteyam let out a regretful sigh. To your surprise, he took a step forward and reached out to take your hand in his. "I don't hate you," he muttered quietly. "Not even close." You looked up at his face, his ordinarily amber eyes appearing green in the light of the cave lichen. "You could've fooled me," you mumbled under your breath.

He closed his eyes and squeezed your hand gently. "I don't hate you," he repeated insistently. "I am angry, but not at you." His hand dropped from yours, and you immediately missed his touch. "I'm angry with myself for being so...," he looked away as he searched for the right words. "For not being able to let you go."

You felt an aching in your chest at his words. You had lost track of the hours you stayed up at night wishing that things could be different, that you didn't have to be with Aonung, that you could renounce your title without bringing shame to your family. You felt tears prick at your eyes as you looked at Neteyam's defeated face. The truth was, you hadn't been able to let go of him either.

You shook your head sadly. "Neteyam," you said softly. "Talking about it will only make it harder for both of us." He scoffed quietly at your words. "I think that makes it worse, too," he added. "The fact that you feel the same way, and so we are both here quietly suffering."

You felt somewhat attacked by his words. "You know why I can't," you told him sharply. "You of all people should know what it's like to have to put your duties before yourself." He grimaced. "Of course, I know," he murmured under his breath. "It's all I've ever known. All my life, I have done what is expected of me. I have always played the parts I was given— the son of Olo'eyktan, older brother, warrior, future leader."

His voice was growing more heated as he spoke, and he took a step toward you, drawing even closer. "And I have never complained. I have never once tried to do something or be someone else, and I was fine with it. Even when I wanted different, I never complained." He glanced away for a moment and clenched his jaw. When he looked back at you, you could see the frustration burning in his face. "I just—," he paused, staring at you intensely. "I've never wanted anything as much as I want you."

Your voice felt stuck. Your heart was beating so hard that you were surprised the sound of it wasn't echoing in the cave around you.

Neteyam shook his head and looked down at the floor. "Maybe if you didn't care," he continued quietly, "or even if you hated me, maybe I could bear it. But to know that you...," he trailed off, his hands clenching into fists. "It burns," he said softly. His eyes flashed up to yours, and you could see his face contorted in frustration and longing.

"Doesn't it burn for you?"

Your throat tightened, and for a moment, you couldn't say anything. You clenched your jaw as you fought to stay composed. "Of course it burns," you whispered back, not trusting your voice. "Every day it burns. Every day I wish things were different. I wish—," your voice cracked as you got louder, making you pause.

You shook your head in remorse. "But I can't get my wish. I will never get it. People like you and I don't get what we want. That is the sacrifice demanded of us, for our duty." Neteyam remained still for a beat. He closed his eyes and sighed. "I know," he whispered. "You're right. I'm sorry."

You sighed and ran a frustrated hand over your face. "Don't you just wish it would stop?" You asked quietly. He looked down at you, and his gaze softened. He no longer looked upset, just sad. After a moment, he replied softly, "No." You blinked up at him, surprised by his answer.

"I just wish it could be real," he whispered, his eyes settling on your face intently.

There was something about his answer that made your heart start beating faster. Maybe it was the way he cocked his head at you with his eyes staring at you desirously. Perhaps it was how the glowing reflections of the water around you illuminated his face. It may have been the tone of his voice as he spoke, but whatever it was, it made your mind freeze.

Without another thought or another word, you stepped forward and kissed him.

Neteyam melted into you instantly. He brought his hands around your waist as you slid your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. Your lips broke apart for a second before he eagerly returned for more.

It was everything you wanted. His strong body leaned against yours, and you could feel the muscles in his shoulders under your hands. He pressed against you, and you took a couple of steps backward with blind trust. Without breaking your kiss, one of his hands left your body to catch the wall behind you before your back came to rest against it.

He couldn't seem to get enough of you as he deepened the kiss, his tongue tracing the edge of your lips. You sighed against his mouth, all the tension you had been feeling for so long finally being released. He moved his lips down to your jaw and kissed you all the way down to your neck. You moaned softly as his lips trailed down your sensitive skin. You raised your hand to hold his head as he kissed you when something made him pause.

He pulled back slightly, and you opened your eyes to look at him. You saw that his eyes were fixated on your neck, or more specifically, what rested on your neck. Your hand came up and felt the akula tooth hanging on the necklace Aonung made for you.

Oh no.

You were instantly brought back to reality with a sharp gasp. You pulled your arms away from Neteyam and brought the back of your hand to your lips. This was all wrong. You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't be doing this.

Neteyam seemed to realize at the same time as you what you had done, and he stepped back with a distressed look. "I'm sorry," he whispered apologetically. You closed your eyes, trying to keep yourself composed. "No," you replied softly. "It was me, I—," you took a shaky breath, still keeping your eyes shut. "I should not have— I am sorry."

You could still feel the memory of his lips against yours, the warmth of his arms around your body. Even now, you could hear his heavy breathing. You opened your eyes and saw Neteyam's concerned face staring back at you. He looked so worried for you. In his eyes, you could see the longing he felt for you, but he stayed back for your sake.

"I can't do this," you whispered finally. "I thought I could, but I can't." His eyes flashed in pain at your words, but he didn't say anything. You stepped away from the wall, still feeling your heart beat rapidly in your chest.

As you moved away, Neteyam whispered your name softly, making you hesitate. You wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms again, to feel his lips on yours. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I didn't mean to upset you." He shifted anxiously before repeating softly, "I don't know how to stay away from you."

You closed your eyes tightly at his words. "No," you said quietly. "I cannot trust myself around you." You opened your eyes and saw the pain clearly displayed across his face. "Please," he whispered. "Don't go." Your throat tightened, and tears welled in your eyes. "I'm sorry," you said, your voice cracking.

You turned, dove back into the pool, and prayed that Neteyam didn't follow you. Even if he did jump after you, though, you knew you were the faster swimmer, and you moved as quickly as you could away from the edge of the sea wall and back to the village.

That night, you got no sleep. You tossed and turned, the memories of the night replaying over and over again in your head. You couldn't shake the memory of his lips moving against yours, the warmth of his body pressed close to you, and the desperation of Neteyam's touch on your skin. What was most prevalent in your mind was the overwhelming guilt you felt at everything.

How could you face Ronal and Aonung knowing what you had done?

Chapter 5

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Taglist: @mashiromochi @eywas-heir @kafanizdakicokiyi @plzfeedmebread @afro-hispwriter @fanboyluvr @anm3mi @sadexact @peachinsomnia @fluroescentxadolescent @doulcha @crazy4books1 @im-in-a-pansexual-panik​

[bratdykebarbie]

got absolutely fucking WRECKED Monday afternoon 😭🤤🥴

🐝 hadn’t rly been up for sex much this week which of course was fine, today she was in the mood though and uh 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

so first, she took a bunch of pictures of me doing my lil back arch and just being cute 🥰

she couldn’t get hard right away so we just laid together and kissed while I played with her cock until she was able to get there, and her mouth was so sweet and soft and we were kissing so hard and deep and sloppy and sweet and it made me fucking dizzy

and fuck it was heavenly the way she was whimpering into my mouth and bucking her hips against my hand, and every time she tried to say something she’d stutter and trail off and get lost in how good it felt

and once she was able to get hard, she pushed me onto my back and took my shorts and underwear off and mounted herself between my legs and just grinded her cock against my clit for a lil while, getting both of us so so wet and desperate, until she whispered “I wanna be inside you so bad” 🥺

she started out fucking me just easing her way in, a little at a time, long slow strokes getting deeper with every thrust 🥵🥵🥵 and it took a few minutes for her to stretch me out to be able to take all of her but we just kept going slow and kissing so fucking hard and hot and desperate

and before I knew it, she was buried in me to the hilt, her hips pressed against mine, just fucking me mercilessly and groaning and whimpering and praising me so sweetly the whole time, “fuck, you’re such a good girl, you’re doing so good for me, god I wanna cum in you so bad”

and by this point I’d completely lost all conscious thought, I was just whining and gasping and making those lil “ah-ah-ah-ahhh” noises as she kept fucking me faster and deeper and harder 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

and when she whispered “fuck, I’m gonna cum” I felt all my neurons light up like a neon sign, I was pinned under her with my knees almost at my shoulders and whining into her mouth and whispering “please please cum for me please cum in me please” against her mouth as her moans hit a fever pitch and her whole body was trembling

and I could feel her twitching inside me as she kept rutting into me real slow, fucking her cum deeper into me bc neither of us wanted her to pull out, and I made sure to look up into her eyes and clench down a bit extra just for fun 🥰

and when she did pull out it just lit up my brain again, that feeling of her cum leaking out of me, the way my hole felt so fucking empty after being stretched around her, both of us whimpering as she pulled out so slow with the most obscene gorgeous sounds

after she pulled out she gave me a lil breather but kept playing with me real soft and gentle and she laughed at how good she’d bred me and said “wanted to make sure I knocked you up”* and god my brain about melteddddd

then she took a video for one of my other tumblr friends of her fucking me nice and slow with a dildo, and at one point in the video she panned up to look at my face as I whined and moaned for her 😭

fuck it was just so so so good 🥺🥵🥺🥵🥺

* no actual major risk, I have an IUD, just playing! this is the limit of my breeding kink, I definitely do not want to actually get pregnant

[teacup-tyrant]

Can I offer some unsolicited advice to writers about when to post fics so people will read them?

I'm a marketer by trade so making sure I get eyeballs on the content I'm writing is not only a fandom hobby of mine, but it's my actual job IRL.

Someone made a post here about the times to post to Ao3 so they hit the right time zones. There used to be some kind of glitch there but apparently that has been fixed. But it's a good roundup post about some general tips and the important callout is that the best days to post are Sundays & Mondays. (which I find hilarious bc Sundays are worthless in business marketing and you generally want to post Tue-Thurs. But I digress.)

Now let me add something that content marketers refer to as newsjacking. That means something newsworthy has happened or a certain topic goes viral and people are currently paying attention to it, so you push your own content in relation to that. Obviously, there are ethical and unethical ways to do this. Don't push your brand in relation to a tragedy and try to capitalize on something awful. That's just a dick move and then you'll probably need to add reputation management to your marketing team's plate because you just got cancelled.

But lets relate this back to fanfiction. Here's an example.

The fandom I've written the majority of my fics for got some news the other day, and there hadn't been any news around the series in months. Suddenly it was trending again. If anyone wanted to drop a new fic, this was the time when the most eyeballs would be on it because everyone has been flooding the tag and paying attention again.

So ask yourself, did your series just finish airing or a new book get released? Perfect, publish a fic because people will be wanting MORE. Did a highly anticipated trailer just come out? Awesome, everyone will be making gifs and edits and craving content. Join in and publish a fic. In these instances, you're capitalizing on people's attention.

This all isn't to say hoard your fics like a greedy dragon until there's a sudden explosion in your fandom. But IF you want to be more strategic about when you publish, this is a Professional Opinion of how you should do it.

And you can look at all of this and say HEY, fanfiction shouldn't exist to stroke your ego. You should write for your own happiness and if someone else reads it, so much the better. And you're absolutely right. Personally, my hard drive is full of piles of random headcanons and thousands of words of half finished fics that will never see the light of day because I wanted to write them out of my brain and have no intention of ever finishing them. But the ones that get fully fleshed out enough to make logical sense, well, those are for everyone else. Those are what go to Ao3.

But listen, I'm human. I like being told I wrote a good story as much as the next writer. If any writer tells you that comments and kudos don't give them the warm fuzzies, and that they feel discouraged when a fic they post gets little to no traffic... then they're a goddamn liar.

This is just a way of making an organic algorithm work in your favor.

...because Ao3 has no real algorithm to market to you for profit and that's why we all love it so much. Hell, my job depends on engagement, impressions, and follower count, but Tumblr/Ao3 has none of that available publicly so they remain my favorite websites of all time.

[chesseicake]

OHW heir!Kalim is definitely fitting. Man it sucks that we don't have an official thing for the classes, I'm going off of Dahni's posts for them eqeurvneairnve

Heirs tend to be lost in the sauce a lot of times while also encouraging ppl around them to change. Kalim has this thing that he constantly changes plans depending on what the person he's with says (ie. making a diff potion with Silver instead of their assigned one to help keep Silver awake, putting the party back on for Ruggie bc Ruggie wanted to for food), it's very much giving unrealized Heir of him (how he changes himself instead of his surrounding changing to accdg to him).

As for Hope, after looking at the aspect pages on EZ, hope def fits him with the "Hope-bound are positive, caring, and warm. At their worst they can be narrow-minded and selfish" THATS SO HIM. For a second I considered Light so it can really go with him being this ultra wealthy heir but Light doesnt really function that was in Homestuck so yeah haha. Ngl Im thinking Hero of Light Azul then??

Also since thinking about Kalim- Since him and Silver get paised as the face-palm brigade, it would be cute for them to be a pair of heirs,,,

Lmao I'm also taking Dahnis post for the classpects bc Hussie doesnt rlly say much Abt the classpects 😭 also Heir of Hope Kalim does rlly sound like him so ig that's a check (I almost considered him a Witch of Hope considering he reminded me of Feferi but then again they're not that similar in way Idk how 2 put it) but yes I absolutely love heir!Kalim it fits him & mostly bc his goofy just like John. Also Hero of Light Azul?? Would he be a Prince or a Seer we don't know 😞. Heir Silver as well?! Crazy I need 2 dig more after making my projects which is due on Monday what am I doing w life 😭

[golbrocklovely]

i’m the anon that sent that shifting n stuff ask! so your college experience counts as shifting (like 100%) and i’d love to hear it!!personally on the fence about the legit science side of it, since small things like the berstein bears and little timeline tweaks I think could be real, and ppl having strong emotional reactions are obviously smthg unless theyre lying (but they dont have a reason to really, and theyre living w the stress of what feels like gaslighting to them). but the tiktok -🌟

see this issue i have of calling what i experienced as "shifting" is i was very much awake and living my life when it happened. hell, even someone else i knew said things felt different (i'll explain in the story) so to me, this wasn't like a very vivid daydream or dream even. but i also can't completely explain what happened logically.

okay, here's what i experienced many moons ago, where i think we switched onto a different timeline.

this is super long and weirdly timely so... strap in lol

how i always described this situation to those that wanted to know about it: imagine taking any room in your house. you have all the time in the world to memorize everything about it. the furniture, the lights, everything. imagine i tell you to leave that room for a couple minutes, and then come back. you do that, and when you come back i tell you that something about this room is now missing. it's up to you to figure out what is no longer there. now, it could be as noticeable as a couch or a chair, right? or... it could a quarter that was under the rug that you didn't know about. that's how annoying this whole thing felt. you know something's different. but you don't know what it is.

this was november of 2017. i was in college. to give a brief run down of my sleeping schedule at the time, i would leave for school (bc i commuted) around 8 am, get there at 9, and then stay at school until 5 pm. then i would get home around 6/7, depending on traffic, and pass out almost immediately. then i'd wake up anywhere around 1-3 am, do homework and whatnot and then literally stay up the entire time until the next day at 6/7 pm again. if i was lucky, i could nap at school (bc my dad worked at my university and i could sleep in his office) or if i didn't have homework i could sleep until the next day when i would have to get ready for school.

so it's safe to say my sleeping schedule was ass lol

i just came home, it was a monday. i think i stayed up a bit later, worked on an art project for school, and then went to sleep around 8/9 pm. i remember falling asleep, i remember deciding i was going to sleep.

i woke up around 3 in the morning. that wasn't odd, i usually always wake up throughout the night. however when i woke up, i was confused as all hell. i didn't have a weird dream, if anything i didn't really dream at all, and when i woke up i just felt really confused, like my room looked different to me or something.

i remember saying out loud, "something feels off", and then i went back to sleep. i slept until the morning when i had to get up, bc i had no other homework that night.

on tuesdays (from what i can remember now since this was so long ago at this point), i would have a 9 am bio class, then i would have a couples hours off, and the around 1 or so, i would go to my art class. i remember distinctively carrying a big ass portfolio to school, or into my dad's office on these days. thursdays, i had a similar schedule. the only difference being i didn't have art, i had a bio lab instead that was a bit later than the art class. this is all important to the story.

i go to school on tuesday, take my portfolio to my dad's office, leave it there, and then go to my biology class. class is normal, nothing out of the ordinary. now, to give you an exact date or time frame of when this all took place, we had a WEEK before thanksgiving break. and i knew my professor wanted our last class together to be a quiz or a test. and our break started on wednesday the following week.

and i remember half way thru class sitting there, wondering why she was teaching us all of this new material when we should have been taking a test. class ended, she said "see you on thursday" and i remember almost raising my hand to say "thursday is thanksgiving". it took me a solid 30 seconds to realize OH, i'm thinking of the wrong dates. it's not the week of thanksgiving, it's the week before.

i started walking back to my dad's office and i thought to myself "what else do i have to do today? nothing, right? i don't have any other classes." (to addon, on mon/wed/fri i only had one class). i get back to my dad's office, see my portfolio and go OMG dumbass, you have art. it was literally the only homework you worked on last night. you always have two classes on tues/thurs.

i was very confused, but shrugged it off. however, i want it to be noted that while i can be forgetful sometimes, when i was in school, i really wasn't. i was on top of my school work and never once need an extension bc i made sure to know when things were due. so to be a week off time wise was really confusing.

fast forward a bit, it's time for my art class. the one thing i LOVED about my campus was that we had flowers all over that were just absolutely gorgeous. i'll even insert the one photo i took of these flowers from a month before this event happened to me (also, ain't creepy that it's also from a tuesday??? also also i had to ss this from snapchat lol):

so as i'm walking to class, i have to pass by these flowers. they looked like this ^^^ literally the day before, and i just generally loved walking by them when i would go on that side of campus.

i stopped dead in my tracks. they were all dead.

they looked burned, like someone had set them ablaze. like, usually when plants like these die there is at least some petals left on the ground. maybe shriveled up and whatnot, but proof that they were once vibrant flowers. i'm telling you, they were all gone and there was no petals anywhere. it was so eerie to me that i felt really creeped out.

i went to class, nothing else really happened. i asked my friend if she felt off that day, and she said no. i went home after my class, repeated the cycle of sleeping and then getting up late.

on wednesdays, i had my one class mid way thru the day, so usually i would spend my mornings going to the library and working on bio lab stuff (which would be due the next day). so i did that, went to my usual spot, started working on my lab. i get a text around 10/11 ish by my friend from my art class (that was also in the same major as me, theater). and she told me the cast list was posted for our final show. this was my senior year and this would have been my last chance to perform. i had only perform twice, and really wanted to get in something else before graduating.

she sent me the cast list, and i didn't make it into anything. i was taken aback bc the director, who was also my adviser, had praised my song choice and thought i sounded excellent and basically kissed the ground i walked on after my audition, which is something that she never did before.

and the thing is, i had not been casted before. so this wasn't new to me. but literally every time, i would cry. it meant a lot to me to be included so when i wasn't i just felt terrible, so i would always cry. i remember digging my nails into my palm and tears welling up in my eyes. i remember looking around at everyone in the library, already feeling embarassed that i was gonna cry publicly. i closed my eyes, and took a really deep breath.

and suddenly, all of the sadness i felt went away immediately. like in a snap, i was suddenly okay. hell, i was more than okay. i was… happy.

not to be too sad sounding, but i'm never happy. well, it's very rare for me to be genuinely, deeply happy. especially back then when i was at one of my lowest and most depressed. but i sincerely was so happy, so relieved. i sped thru my bio lab somehow, left the library early, and when i walked back to my dad's office, i was fucking GIDDY. you ever see in movies when someone's in a good mood they point and wave at strangers?? i was, honest to god, thisclose to doing that bc that's how HAPPY I WAS.

i was deeply confused by all of this tho. bc none of it made sense. how did i forget what week it was so quickly and think i was a week ahead? how did i get over the heartache of missing out on the final chance i had to perform? it was like a week had passed in my mind, and that's why my emotions - anger, sadness, shame, you name it - were all gone within a second.

i genuinely believe that we somehow jumped a week in time. now granted, you could probably chalk a lot of this up to me just being in a weird headspace, forgetting things bc stress, my depression, terrible sleeping habits, ect. i get it. i've gone thru all of those scenarios myself, even to this day.

but the ONE THING that makes me think this actually happened…. is my mom. fast forward to mid decemeber, i remember it was when i was off but my dad wasn't, so me and mom were driving up to my university to pick up my dad from work. i was talking to her about my life and school and whatever. idk what we were talking about exactly, but i said to my mom "i feel like something has shifted. like something changed."

she agreed with me. "yeah, things feel really off anymore." i told her that i've felt this way for a while. and then my mom goes, "have you been feeling this way since the week before thanksgiving? bc that's when i started to feel it."

imma be honest, i don't believe in conspiracy theories. i'm not one to jump the gun on shit like this, but clearly something happened. i'm not sure what, but something changed for me back then. and i think it's bigger than just me and the ppl immediately around me. but that's just how i feel about it.

this was very long and i'm really sorry if this was boring to read lol

[saltyartificialintelligence]

Vent

fuck fuck fuck fuck i fucking hate feeling like this oh my god

i have so much homework due next monday because we're on "break" but were not even on break as uni exam year students we still go to school regularly but everyone used it all as an excuse to give us hundreds of papers of homework like we have all the time in the world im going to fucking cry we still go to school and i know im not gonna be able to finish it but i cant even bring myself to do it bc im sof ucking exhausted all the time lately and i dont even know why my life went downhill so quickly and i feel like eveything is out of order now and i dont even know how to fix it why did things end up like this i dont know what to do i cant cry to my parents because they never take me seriously i cant cry to my sister because shes just going to make fun of me i dont want to cry to my friends because they have their own lives to worry about and i cant just burden them with mine like this,,

i constantly feel like an alien trying to communicate with my classmates at school,, since my friends all left to different schoolslast year and im stuck all alone and im trying to make new friends but i constantly feel like an outsider,,, i feel like thyere all what a person is supposed to be but im deranged,,, they all have their lives in order and im typing away on this hellsite because im so overwhelmed i want to cry,,,

my mock exam results were garbage and im not even able to do my math homework its the one thing i thought i was good at and now i cant even manage that

I dont have time to draw i dont have time to play games i need to study but im so exhausted that i cant focus at all and im never going to make it to uni at this rate and everything keeps piling on and on and now im stuck and the adhd is only making things worse for me

My teeth constantly hurt my back is always stiff and im in incredible pain and my hair keeps getting oily and my exams always go like shit these days but i dont know if i have enough time to get everything in order i

My psychiatrist is too expensive now and i can only go to her once every 2 months but im nort getting any help at all and she refuses to prescribe me anything bc im not 20 yet but i just want to stop feeling like this and start being functional again i dont care if it messes up my hormones or if i cant give birth or if my period cycle gets messed uo or something i dont care just i just want to feel better again i want everything to stop so that i can catch a break bur it all keeps going faster and im lost

bc of the stuoid fucking wheather the lights keep going out and none of the plugs work properly and so my phone is never charged and Its been like this for days and my dad went on a trio and my mom doesn't want to call an electric and im so fucking annoyed all the time now

My dad never stops making marks about how my grades arent enough and my mom keeos commenting on my weight and my appearance and im so sick and tired of everything i want to fall asleep for 6 years

i have to organise things in my server but i keep putting it off and uts been like that for days and im so overwhelmed at the thought of the task that i cant even start now so im stuck in place being completely unproductive i want this to end i want to study i want to organise the server i want to have a stable life again but things keep going wrong and now im sitting in the kitchen crying and typing bc its like screaming into a void on tumblr

Im so sick and tired of living like this jm exhausted i want the selfcest shipper to leave me alone already i physically need her to leave me the hell alone but she keeps blocking me and unblocking me and following me and unfollowing me and i spend all my time worrying whether or not i did something wrong or upset her and yet she keeps asking to join the aerver and then leaving the server but ppl like her for some reason but shes been nothing but rude to me and keeps acting entitled and i want to be done with her bullshit already

i feel like im slowly losing my mind but bc i act normal irl noone ever realises it but my bucket always fills and i end up lashing out at the weomg time constantly and getting yelled at for it but its fine for everyone to treat me like garbage right?? Its fine for my classmates and own parents to never listen to me and always interrupt me when im trying to talk i guess i should just keep quiet but i have emotions too and i experience them normally amd i should be allowed to express them instead of being told to shut up or getting ignored

I want to sleep for a long time

[kpophubb]

Hi lovely ☀ I'm so happy to hear from you, this week I was literally checking your Tumblr five times per day with my tags. I miss you so much and this week I also needed you so much, but it's okay💛 I'm so sad that you are sick😿😿 I thought you recovered but you mentioned that you don't feel good and I'm just so sad about this(((

Honestly this week I have my period, and I have to take 💊 every single day because it's just so painful 😔so I think we could have some sick party together😹

I had an exam last week which I failed, but I was so confident but I failed and my manager was so stressful and is pressuring me so much😮‍💨🤕🥴

How were your weekends? Today is Sunday and I just don't feel anything ...tomorrow I have to start work again and it's not tomorrow even it's like in 6 hours(((

Today I talked to my grandma and the second time during this 10 months and she's not doing good and mental health is bad she's pretty messed up 😣😭I'm watching this one movie now and it just reminds me of some Horrors that have been through and how lucky I am to actually Escape. ironically the movie is called No Escape. The movie is so well done tho 😭😭💔😢🥺

I Never thought these things would ever happen to me.. or would ever happen in my reality 😔😔I am just so shocked that this happened and they're still consequences and I just don't want to be a part of this you know❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹💔 I wish all of this was just a nightmare and I wake up tomorrow and everything is like before

I actually wanted to send you a short message just wish you could have happy Monday and better week 😭😢🥺🥺🥺💛💛

Stay strong baby I am just so thankful that you exist thank you for all the love you give me💛

Thank you for hyunnies gifs and quotes 🤗💗 I miss you so badly

You probably have no idea and will never understand the way you helped me during this sickness period of my life😔❤️‍🩹💗 thank you so much for saving your hyunnie lixie. Please get well soon

🐁

Hi hi hi my love 🥺🤍 tumblr has been mean to me with my other asks since they crash when I make em too long (?) and can’t be edited later so here we go!😭 keeping it short but ilysm 💗 and value every little bit u say ~

First of all don’t worry about me, I’m doing better now altho I skipped my medication yesterday bc I thought I got better but apparently it made my sickness worse and took away my good night’s sleep 💔 but anyway I’m mentally active now..how are you feeling baby?:( is your period pain GONE?? I’m so sorry for being ia I’m here now promise ☀️💛🫂

The movie seems so strong..and really pain invoking and lesson learning is it on Netflix? If so, I’d love to watch while trying to understand you..

Aah it’s getting hectic for you I can say :( no sleep and so much work 😭 but I really hope smh u get a break soon and can rest as much as you need anonie. <3

I can understand about the whole nightmare part. Altho I have not been in such an intense situation like you (that’s why I give it to u always that you’re super strong bc you are my love) but I have had super dark times too and I can relate to that part where I’d be terrified and cry myself to sleep everyday and beg whatever deity was listening to make it better tomorrow and make it all vanish..but everyday I woke up and nothing changed and that made me feel devastated and made me feel like I was better off gone 💔

but I sincerely hope like me a time comes in your life where everyday would feel as good as a dream where you keep wishing you never wake up from the happiness..💖 the things of the past will never really leave u and even tho the shackles are gone someday and you’re free to walk forward, the scary marks will still be there to your feet. But look baby, slowly you’re healing even if it’s at a micro pace, getting a job, connecting w your family member (grandma) and slowly getting up even tho the suffocating feeling still haunts u, it’s slowly leading to a betterment. Like this, I’m sure you will walk towards light, love and happiness soon. Just faith it till u make it okay??

exams Are shitty..and it’s so disappointing to fail after giving your best it’s like realising your best never amounted to anything but hey love remember what I told u? “Human beings are filled w crazy potential even if you feel like u gave your best today you could still wake up tomorrow and try harder.” So keep your chin high, take a deep breath and try hard again. 💘 every success comes with ten failures, remember that.

and lastly I’ll always be here to save u and pull you up just like lixie does for hyunjin. It’s a promise, not a fancy statement. And I keep my words always. I love you sm and I couldn’t add the last quote bc that post isn’t working anymore but it was..

“The world doesn’t matter. YOU matter. 💛☀️..”♡♡

[happinessisbeyondmylevel]

with the rise of the "gen z doesnt want to work" bullshit I wnat to share my experience from this summer

i had a job for the first 2 weeks of june and was promised a position until august/until my college schedule came in. it was a shitty sales assistant job where the pos was older than i was. a maual input bullshut till. i git sent a pdf on whatsapp saying i "lacked skills" and had to hound the owners down via text to find out i was too slow to 1) man a till 2) label products and 3) put them out

how i got this job was strange and very quick. i applied on indeed on a random thursday. an hour later i got an sms saying "this is X from y store that you applied to. i have some questions" I happily answered bc well ive been searching for over 2 years now for something. i had no big aspirations for this place. i needed money, had a tuition and €10k loan to pay off so i happily answered. said that i'd be a 10 minute drive away or a 30 min bus ride, that college would be once a week next year, had no other commitments other than work during the summer

all seemed fine and we arranged a video call for teh following evening. this was the first time i'd seen than and the only time i ever would, and even then a light was shining from behind them so i couldnt see their features very well. they said they'd let me know asap and taht was that. true to their word I was let know very quickly I'd start the following thursday to when I'd applied.

i put everything i could into that minimum wage job. got paid in cash every monday (in an envelope in an unlocked filing cabinet). everything was so old fashioned. the breakroom was a (bathroom) sink, an empty cardboard box and a kettle.

i wont say i wasnt slow. but i was thrown in with minimum experience and 2 weeks in was given the worse termination i could imagine, on a monday, on the bus home and with an entire 7 days of work ahead. I had to go in every damn day thinking "im worth nothing to this lot why am i even here" i felt sick every damn time.

i still pulled my weight, bc again, the owners were not on site, and the others didnt deserve that, even if one did sell me out

i left silently sunday, I had lied and told the owner i had found something else and to not put me on next weeks roster. silently collected my money from the back the day after and went home

we want to work, but youre all expecting too much. 2 of my coworkers were the same age as me, had been working since doing their leaving cert (2 years) and ofc were quick as fuck. If id been given another week i know i would have been there with them, but I wasnt given a chance and so I just didnt even bother. they didnt show their faces to me and i wasnt throwing out my back for them a 3rd time. i fucked up my entire body for them bc they lacked everything to keep us safe

I dont know why employers are labeling us as lazy when they dont give us a chance. im starting to abide by "minimum wage requires minimum effort" going forward

[mostlymalena]

July 22nd 2024 9:22pm

Okay let's hash this out. I'll tell you guys what happened first then I'll address the slander Grace has been posting.

Grace and I broke up last Thursday. Reasonings were that I needed more space and I wasn't giving her what she deserved or needed. I did not have enough time between her and my last relationship to really heal and that was catching up to us. That's my fault for not giving myself the time I needed. I really just felt off and needed more time to myself, Argentina is super close and we were going to breakup when I moved there anyways. I also started feeling really guilty for not being able to feel the way she feels about me and I also started feeling resentfull for the sexual assault thing, her putting her hands on me one night when drunk, and for her fucking her Ex behind my back and lying about it. I was realizing I did not process that either. Anyways that was all building up hence why the breakup. I didn't want to even breakup till after I had therapy Friday bc I wanted to make sure I wasn't being a freak about things or just doing things out of being overwhelmed.

Anyways Friday is not good either, I get food poisoning and am so grumpy and she goes out on the town and gets fucked up - doesn't text me back so of course Im pissed off. My therapy is moved to Monday bc my therapist's kid had something come up. We fight about her smoking again and decide we should maybe reconnect after I move and get settled and O to his first day of school. I texted her later in the evening apologizing for being grumpy earlier and she doesn't answer.

Fast forward Saturday she texts me this long thing and I just get more confused more upset - I'm overthinking things and doubting myself. I ask her to come over to talk. We do just that and talk about my fears and my distrust with her bc the little Emma stuff and the other stuff mentioned before. I talk about my guilt in not showing up for her the way she deserves or being more actionable in the relationship. She tells me it's okay that I need space but she thinks we can do that still in a relationship. I tell her if thats what she wants then I can try better. We have two months left anyways. She gives me some ideas on how she feels loved and seen and I write those down. She spends one last night with me bc Ive asked for no more sleepovers till I'm settled in the new house.

Sunday. I pack and cry and pack and cry. It's so difficult leaving this apartment but at the same time I cannot wait to leave. Many loves and losses have been here and 3 years is a lot to leave behind.

Jo and I decide to have one last wine night at my place since last summer thats all we basically did. She ends up getting sick so I decide to have one by myself. I drink a bottle and watch a movie. For those who don't know - I don't drink that often and I am a lightweight. I am drunk at 10pm on Sunday by myself. Bent texts me asking to stop by and catch up and smoke a cig (I had Jo's favorite cigs for our wine night). Bent and I haven't caught up in a bit bc I'm so busy so I say sure. Something we've done a millions times. We chit chat and share 3 bottles of wine, sitting on my porch just hanging out. Around midnight I text Grace that I'm blackout drunk. I know this bc I reread our texts. I was in fact blackout drunk. Bent was also goneeee. I would need 3 hands to count the amount of times in the last year even that Bent and I have been fucked up together. It's not a rare thing is the point I am trying to make here.

Listen I know you all want details but I don't have them. I remember me and Bent sitting in my room talking about work. I remember opening my eyes at one point and the whole room was dark and we were kissing, I shot up and turned the light on and slapped his face a little and told him we were crossing a line and it was wrong. I told him we need to think of Ruby and Grace. That was the last thing I remember. I can't tell you if it was good or bad or how long. I also cannot tell you why we did it. I woke up the next morning and threw up everything I have ever even thought of putting in my stomach.

There was no tension that night leading up to it, there NEVER has been sexual/emotional/romantic tension between me and Bent. It's just me and Bent. Sorry to disappoint everyone with the following: that is the first and last time Bent and I will hook up. We have never in the past ever come close. No he did not cheat on Jade. I also have my own opinion that he did not technically cheat on Ruby. Rubes dumped bent a while back and they have just been fucking and hanging out since. If that isnt the case then thats between them.

Now my part: I do feel and think I cheated on Grace. I told her I needed space but did not want to sleep with anyone else and that seeing other people wasn't my goal. I was very very wrong to cheat on her. What I did was terrible and gross. I know I hurt her and what I did was unforgivable. I never thought of myself as someone who could do that. It was bad. It's plain and simple: it was wrong and I was wrong. I feel so guilty.

I cannot tell anyone why I did that. I wish I could but I'm also relieved I don't remember any details because I think that would make it worse.

Ruby and Grace both found out while I was in therapy this morning. Many of you readers might have already seen the things Grace is posting on her story. She is hurting big time and I betrayed her so I'm not mad about the posting. I write on my blog so I would never be mad about something like that. If she feels better about it then thats her thing!

What I do not appreciate is posting our texts out of context to further her victim stance. Grace you are the victim here you don't need to manipulate the masses. For example her post of a screenshot of this:

It was her worried about doing coke.

She did unblock me today to tell me she is on her way to her my house to get her stuff. I told her not tonight but I'll gather all her things and put it on my porch tomorrow. I have things in the dirty clothes that are hers and I am also packing so Ive packed some of her stuff. The other big reason was the Olive was home and I was not going to allow her to freak out around him. I told her this several times and apologized for inconveniencing her. She showed up anyways and banged on my door, screamed a little, and dumped the cat food I have on my porch to feed a stray cat all over the place. She also called me a bunch so I blocked her. I also threw up again bc the nerves and the guilt. Hearing her so upset and knowing it was my fault was terrible.

Ethan comes over and we are on the porch (this is several hours later) and she pulls up again with her friend Emma. Ethan tells me to go inside and I stand up and she gets out and runs up the stairs and I go inside and lock the door. She stand outside my door and says she isnt leaving until she gets her stuff. Ethan reiterates that I'll gather it all up tomorrow. She says she just wants some cosmetics that she leaves at my house. I go and look for them but find razors, I probably fucking packed it all already. I am also in a panic not gonna lie. I throw up again and I'm shaking and I'm scared. Scared of what I pushed her too and scared in general. Ethan gives her the razors and tells her that he will personally drop her stuff off at her house tomorrow on his lunch break. So she doesnt have to drive this way again and she wont have to see me. She loses it and starts screaming at Ethan calling him a piece of shit for being my friend, telling him I'm trying to keep her stuff so she is forced to see me again. Just really upset and rightfully so. She leaves in an echo of a car door slam.

And of course all the posting stuff.

My only issue with this all is the her blaming Ethan for being my friend still when her best friend Jordan just recently cheated, her best friend who has a wife "they cheat on each other all the time" and Grace and I both share really good friends who have cheated on their partners. Grace CHEATED ON HER PREVIOUS GIRLFRIEND. They make bad decisions not bad friends. I fucked up big time but I also am taking responsibility. I know what I did was wrong and this is not an excuse, just an explanation. I was WRONG and what I did was TERRIBLE, disgusting, and if Grace wants to blast me on social media and do what she needs to do just let her. I hurt her in an unimaginable way. She will gain her composure when the initial shock is over.

I think that is all I have to say right now but of course I am open to questions and criticisms. I am to blame and only me in this situation.

I'm just going to post this and not reread it so sorry for grammar and spelling.

[sanriolovinglittle]

doing this bc I’ve been regressing more recently! 1. Tumblr lol

2. I just read about it like a lot and I realized sometimes I seriously relate like I always miss my childhood but sometimes I’ll cry more, want a paci, miss my childhood toys/tv shows/ etc more and will wish I had a caregiver etc basic regresses stuff and I just realized ‘wait I’m a regressor lol’

3. I’m not sure tbh ik my name and sis aren’t it but bub sounds pretty ok

4. yeah like usually I listen to metal and hip hop and rap and sometimes Mr kitty type artists like Crystal castles and 100 gecs but when im little I listen to things like ‘soldier poet king’ and the crane wives and Mitski and stuff

5. I kin Killua sooo and yes I still do when little for the most part

6. Depends, sometimes voluntarily sometimes involuntarily

7. when I’m stressed out or really just hate how life is going rn or growing up or even just when I feel like being little again because I miss it sometimes then yeah I regress

8. I don’t have one but I want one. I’ll probably ask one of my friends to be my cg because they care about me very dearly. I might have two because two of my friends would be perfect.

9. I have adhd, which isn’t super marginalized I guess but I’m a maladaptive daydreamer and I’m epileptic and have super bad social anxiety and bipolar/fluctuating depression so sometimes when I’m little I’ll just get super into whatever I’m daydreaming about or like my adhd and/or bipolar depression will sometimes make me super upbeat and hyper or completely unmotivated and gloomy (I love using the word gloomy cos I miss Gloom aka cloudy apples so much 😭). Also my anxiety gets BAD when I’m little because everyone in my school is way taller than average and only a few people, especially my age are short and small even when I wear my like three inch thick doc martens. Mostly I don’t wear them though cos I’m in garden club so I’m even shorter and I just avoid eye contact with tall people who aren’t my age cis it’s scary and they all think I’m weird (there was a NASTY rumor going around about me from one of the first people I met when new at my school this year so trust issues 🤠)

10. sorry that was so long. Anyway: not really I guess I only realized a bit ago so I haven’t really thought to. Like yesterday from five to seven I was at the third and last dance this year it was Hawaii themed and I had lotsa fun with my friends. I was spinning and chilling with one friend group of underclassmen and dancing and talking and running around and stuff with my main friend group of people my age. Anyway I usually am doing stuff but I plan to tell my main friends on Monday. Wish me luck!

11. I associate target and this playground near my house and my old house I moved from when young and a park in my old town that’s kinda run down and stuff sadly but yeah basically my old town because my baby and toddler youth was always there… :( I miss it… we only moved cos my mom was dating a creepy man let’s just say he was very bad and is in prison (ptsd be like oh yeah I have ptsd.) also an online space is lgbtq plus vibe on Roblox just like anywhere for lgbtq youth

12. Umm I’m not sure I guess I don’t really babble or talk like a baby like I wouldn’t call my caregiver mommy or daddy because that’s sexualized far too much but like mama or papa yk

13. when I was younger like 5 (my regression age) I was a little more protected yet spoiled but now I’m a teenager with four younger siblings so 23/6 i only get attention (in a positive light) from friends and sometimes teachers so i was a little more bratty but im more humble today

14. bub as a pet name/nickname (my mom doesn’t know I’m age regressed but she knows I’m trans/genderfluid but she still calls me sis…)? also for some reason not really my name (noah) I’m kinda multi nominal/nomifluid so yeah do with that info what you will but idrk any other pet names/nicknames I like but I’m open to suggestions so feel free to comment!

15. Tumblr and Pinterest as I don’t really have any other social media but sometimes i watch agere TikTok’s on yt

16. My little likes watching things with kinda mature themes for his age like sister sister or Zoey 101 just Nickelodeon teen Nick stuff idk if it’s unpopular tho

17. It changes all the time cos colors are just beautiful but I’m gonna say red right now and I loveee hello kitty and her bow and also like dyed red hair cos I’m gonna dye mine red like unnatural red

18. I think Monkey D. Luffy, Hinata Hyuuga, and Nezuko Kamado would be littles tbh. Nezuko def gives agere vibes and Luffy and Hinata seem like littles, especially the latter.

19. Tanjiro Kamado ofc him and Nezuko are like THE cg and little duo in anime ong and sakura haruno would prob be a caregiver or haku yuki but yeah that’s just off the top of my head rn.

20. I wish I knew that it isn’t weird or inappropriate or not okay because I would have realized I was a regressive way earlier

Ty for reading if you did, have an amazing day! I’ll prob post more agere stuff on here soon!! Ima get my hair cut short at 2 pm today wish me luck for it to look good!

hi friends !! i finally finished making this :D i tried to come up with inclusive agere questions that rly make u think and aren’t specific to any brands, countries, media, etc. hopefully i did a good job at that ^^

feel free to use or repost this image as long as the credit stays in tact !!

. :+* made with a free canva template by So Swell Edu

. :+* plain text version under the cut !!

20 AGERE QUESTIONS

1. how did you first find out about agere in general?

2. how did u first find out that you were a regressor?

3. what nicknames or pet names do you like to be called when you’re little?

4. does your music taste change when you’re regressed? if so, how?

5. which fictional characters do you most relate to (or kin) when you’re little? do you still relate to them when you’re not regressed?

6. do you usually regress voluntarily or involuntarily (or a mix of both)?

7. what most often makes you regress?

8. if you don’t have a cg, would you want one? if you do have a cg, how’d you meet them?

9. if you have other marginalised identities (lgbtq+, neurodivergent, poc, etc), how do they figure into your regression? (intersectionality is so cool)

10. are you open about your age regression irl? how about online outside of tumblr?

11. what physical places do you associate with your regression? (school, parks, shops, people’s houses, etc)

12. what’s something typically associated with agere (pacis, babbling, bluey, etc) that you don’t do?

13. how does your current regressed personality differ from your personality when you were physically that age?

14. do you use different pronouns or preferred names when you’re regressed? if so, what are they?

15. what platforms do you usually go to for agere content? (tumblr, pinterest, instagram, etc)

16. what’s a niche or unpopular interest you associate with your regression?

17. what’s ur favorite color + something you love that’s that color?

18. which (if any) fictional characters do you think would be littles?

19. which (if any) fictional characters do you think would be caregivers?

20. what’s something you wish you knew about agere when you first found out about it?

by @tiny-tk on tumblr

tumblr tag: #20 agere questions

[inaworldlikethis52]

Another day, another day of confusion. I always think I messed things up. But communication and most importantly understanding is important. If we’re communicating something with each other and I’m not fully understanding what you mean or vice versa, we do need to talk about it better.

I do believe I understand where he’s coming from. He has A LOT to work on. From being away from this environment for over a year, things changed. He’s a different person and I can see it. His mom passed away and I know he still grieving over that loss. He’s also trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life - get a job, or go to school , or even go away again.

Im trying really hard to give him his space and time to think about all of that. He knows how I feel about him which now I’m glad I told him. He may not have time for a relationship with me and that’s fine, bc we still need to work on things between us and get to know each other again. I get that I’m not the main priority in his life, but I just hope there are no other girls that have his attention over me. Bc that would really hurt, especially now since we are sleeping together.

My regret is that I should have taken a step back a bit, not trying to confirm plans and times. But it’s frustrating when we do come up with plans and then he cancels, something comes up, he’s running late. All signs that tells me he’s not fully interested. Yes, he’s said in the past like he wants to hang out, he’ll try to get out early from work bc he wants to chill with me. It’s nice to hear that, but it’s actions to me. Obviously if you can’t get out of work early enough it’s fine, but maybe tell me? But if this is his way of communicating, and man do I tell you it’s a lot to get used to, then I will have to let it be. Let him come to me. No more reaching out as much as I want to and as much as I’m a “text /call them if you want to person”

I feel like calling him to see if he wanted to grab breakfast was the wrong move. At the time I thought it was cute and fun but since he just woke up he’s was like wth that’s random. But how many times have we texted our friends or family last minute asking if they wanted to grab food lol. I didn’t find it weird or awkward especially since he has said in past he doesn’t like making plans. Then I tried to push, yeah I admit, to just stopping by his house. I like him, I wanna see him to me it makes sense. He wasn’t feeling it.

I also brought up those Christmas lights ideas for a thing we could do and tbh I didn’t fully realize he wasn’t into it at all lol. So when I got home I sent him screen shots of different events not even knowing he didn’t want to go. And honestly I’ve been to these light shows, they’re not amazing but it’s just something to do lol. He seemed really against it so idk if something triggered him lol. And I brought it up on Monday for an idea but I personally said nvm bc it’s just too cold for it but I’d still be down though if he was like you know what we can see it.

but I’m the phone last night, which idk if things are ruined again. He was literally straight forward on not wanting to see them lmfao. And I literally was like ok man like we can forget about it ! Like obviously I didn’t know you really didn’t want go to, I wouldn’t have send the screen shots and said we should go LOL but then I just asked like well what else could we do? And that’s when he said he really hasn’t thought about it, it’s not on his mind it’s not a priority. He also has other things on his mind so plans with me aren’t his top priority. But really, don’t tell me you want to spend time alone or you want to meet some place other than your house to hang out and not think of plans. Actions, man. I came up with ideas lol. He shots them down. He doesn’t even want to go out to eat. Idk if it’s bc he just doesn’t have a job and maybe can’t afford to do that. It just makes me feel he doesn’t actually want to hang out with me and he just wants to mess around. And if that’s the case as I’ve said many times before, he should just say that. Is it going to hurt my feelings? Most likely. Tbh I already know I’m going to get really hurt.

If he decides he doesn’t want to see me anymore, then the way he should go about it is telling me in person. If he texts me saying like “I really thought about this but I need time to focus on myself” I’ll be more upset lol.

He’s gonna text me at some point this weekend with either plans or canceling and man, the anxiety. If he cancels I need to just say “ok” or even not reply. I also 10000000 percent CANNOT text him to see if plans are on/off. This was my main issue. Let’s me strong Charlene. 😭

[sevmch]

hq boys when you pepper them with kisses bc you're sad

characters: kenma, akaashi, kuroo

warning/s: none

genre: fluff, comfort

a/n: here's some fluff bc i think ive been writing too much angst lately aksjdkhskshs

kozume kenma

you were sitting next to kenma, staring at your boyfriend's face that had his game face plastered on his features in full concentration. you watched in silence as he played, cheek leaning against your palm.

this wasn't new, in fact, most of your time spent at his place were usually just you doing your own stuff while he played. you didn't really mind, wanting to just be around kenma and feel his presence.

he also loved having you near him, you knew that. but sometimes, especially when you're feeling down, it felt as if he didn't care a bit like right now. kenma cared a lot but he's no mind reader, so he doesn't exactly know you're upset because you failed one of your exams today.

but you really wanted to be close to him as some sort of comfort, so you moved away from the desk and lean towards kenma, resting your chin on his shoulders and catching him give you a side-eye.

"what're you doing?" he asked, focused on the screen again, fingers moving swiftly against the keyboards.

you shrugged, sighing deeply. "nothing."

"okay."

pouting at his lack of response, you placed a quick peck on his cheek. his brows jumped, the crease in his forehead disappearing for the first time tonight. you planted another one and another one and another one, soft and brief and lazy. kenma moved his face towards you when you stopped for a second due to the discomfort creeping up your neck from the position, your boyfriend whining at the sudden loss of contact.

now it's your brows that raised, not really expecting for him to ask more. he leaned closer, tilting his head a little sideways as a sign for you to keep going.

"why'd you stop?"

"my neck was starting to hurt, i thought i was bothering you though." you shifted in your seat to find a much comfortable position.

he frowned, glancing at you and quickly reaching for the neck pillow that sat on the far end of his desk.

"i love it when you do that," he said softly, pausing the game so he could put the pillow around your neck and cup your face gently. "you're never a bother to me."

"kenma," your lips trembled slightly when tears started gathering at your eyes, touched by his affection.

"i know you're not okay. i could tell since you got here. do you wanna get ice cream after and talk about it?"

you nodded, not saying a word because you were sure your voice would crack if you did and kenma knew that, ruffling your hair before turning back to his game.

"ice cream it is then," he said, pressing play. "i'll buy you two if you continue with the kisses."

giggling, you plant more soft kisses on his cheek, even massaging the back of his neck as you watched him play. later that night, he took you to your favorite ice cream parlor, listening attentively to everything you had to say.

akaashi keiji

you and akaashi haven't seen each other the past week due to both of your conflicting and hectic schedules. their practices were extended to later hours for the upcoming interhigh while you were busy with club activities. whenever you had free time, akaashi would be unavailable and vise versa.

you missed each other so much it hurts which was why the second you both had matching free time, it was spent on cuddling for hours on end. even when you were lying on top of akaashi, face hiding at the crook of his neck and feeling the rise and fall of his chest, you still craved for more.

thinking of having to separate and not see each other again for days made your heart sink into your stomach, nuzzling against his neck as if you could get even closer than you were already.

he ran his hand up and down your back in comfort, even giving a gentle squeeze on your arm to remind you he was physically there with you. you sighed deeply, landing feather-like kisses at his jaw.

"missed you."

"i know," akaashi said barely above a whisper, relaxing into the feeling of your soft lips on his skin. "i missed you too, love."

as you kept going with your ministrations, your eyes were wide in surprise when akaashi stopped you, leaning away just to turn to his side and face you. placing a hand at the back of your neck, you felt his lips on your forehead. then, you felt them next on the space between your brows, then at the tip of your nose, then at your chin.

stopping by your lips, he hovered, staring at you lovingly through half lidded eyes. blood rushed to your cheeks, heating up at the way he was gazing at you. slowly, akaashi captured your lips in his, pulling you forward by his hand on your nape as he moved his lips passionately you're glad you were laying down otherwise your knees would've gave out. it was sweet and short, slipping pecks in between before moving back a little.

"don't be so sad anymore, hm? i'm here now." he said, caressing your cheek with his thumb. the corner of your lips tug upward in a smile, releasing a contented sigh as you stared at each other for a little while.

kuroo tetsuro

he was in a middle of a phone call with yaku discussing about their chemistry homework and spitting out chemical names that were alien to you. it has been going of nearly an hour and a half and you were starting to get impatient, wanting to get back to the movie currenly paused at the screen before yaku called.

saturday nights were movie nights and it was an agreement that either of you must be free from distractions - no phone notifications, mentions of school works, and the like. unless it was an emergency. yaku calling wasn't an emergency, in fact, it was just to argue with kuroo that his answers were right and your boyfriend's were wrong.

and you wouldn't mind it if it were any other day but not today. not after movie nights have been pushed back twice in a row because kuroo has been too exhausted from training to even stay awake at 9 pm.

scooting closer to him on the couch, you locked him in place by putting your arms around his neck and resting your legs on his lap. used to your clinginess, he doesn't react - kept his mind on throwing insults at yaku.

so you proceed with your plan in mind. you weren't exactly placing kisses, just letting your lips graze the corner of his mouth to tease, knowing that it riled him up when you don't kiss him completely.

his free hand came to give your thigh a warning squeeze, a light chuckle leaving you as you kept teasing him, lips hovering at the side of his face. when you felt considerate, you'd kiss him lightly.

you're not really sure how long it went on but probably enough time for kuroo to give up.

"okay bro whatever, let's check it again on monday with kai and see who's really right. i'm busy, bye." with a tap on end call, he tossed the phone on the empty spot beside him before tackling you on the couch, making you shriek as your back met the cushion.

"my babygirl's such a tease," he said in a low, husky voice that sent shivers up and down your spine. before you could even utter a single word, kuroo's smashing his lips against yours, moving fast that it got you mind short-circuiting.

when you finally caught up with his pace and started getting into it, he pulled away. you whined, grabbing his collar to pull him down but doesn't budge, a smirk on his face.

"it's not so fun getting teased, is it?" he winked, clearly amused at your annoyed expression.

you rolled your eyes, groaning as you smack his bicep. "seriously kuroo?"

"what, you started it kitten. it's only fair if you get a little taste of it." he laughed when you scowled further, shaking his head lightly and giving you a sweet, gentle kiss. "sorry i interrupted our movie night."

"'s okay," you mumbled in between the kiss.

"we can make out for the rest of it, you know, a way for me to make it up to you," he said, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly.

you scoffed, but really, the idea sounded perfect.

"just admit you enjoy kissing me."

"mmm sure, whatever," kuroo mumbled as he dipped his head, capturing your lips again. maybe movie night being interrupted wasn't so bad afterall.

rb and feedbacks r sexy ty<33

2021 (c) sevmch | strictly do not copy or repost.

[corvuserpens]

Honestly though, but the way the show, not to mention Ferdinand Kingsley’s stupendous acting, makes us absolutely fall in love with Hob...

I was thinking about this yesterday at work bc monday nights are painfully slow, but stick with me. Throughout the centuries, we get to see different sides of Hob Gadling, both good and bad. 

We see the soldier-turned-mercenary, so we know he has killed and pillaged both to survive and for money - but we also see his child-like wonder at all the changes going on around him, no matter how small or insignificant they might appear to us in our technologicaly advanced future. And it’s impossible not to admire him for being so open and enthusiastic for new things as they come.

We see him in extravagant wealth, proud of the fruits of his labor from the past hundred years and how vapid, maybe even sort of shallow they’ve made him. But knowing his origins, how can we fault him for enjoying all the things he worked so hard for and boast them? For how he built himself from nothing and reached the blissful top where he doesn’t have to worry about food and shelter, where he can have everything he needs (and wants) only one short financial exchange away? I’ll be real with you guys, I was so damn proud of Hob in 1589, even if he was being a bit of a twat about it. He was so damn happy with his wife and baby boy, you could tell he was aware of what it took to get where he is and he is grateful for all of it. He ends up taking it all for granted perhaps, but I get the feeling that above all, he’s grateful. And to be rejected by Dream the way he was... I felt bad for him bc as a person of limited means, I know what it’s like to have to work your ass off to get a modicum of comfort.

Right afterward, as we come to expect right at the end of the 1589 sequence, we see him in extreme poverty - dirty, clothes good for the trash but they’re probably the only pieces he has left, down in the mud with nothing, starving to death over and over again, and we hear how the past hundred years have been the worst of his life, every tragedy laid out bare - yet, he still wants to live. Many of you likely know how fucking hard it is to go through harsh times when you just want to stop existing. I know I do. So, to see Hob smiling, despite all the shit he went through, and heartily say he has so much to live for despite his current circumstances?? I mean, the sheer stubbornness and bravery, knowing tomorrow will be just as bad as tonight but still looking forward to it, is downright charming. Not even inspiring, though it is, but most of all, it’s so charming. Sexy, even, like... OOF.

Oh boy, and then comes the elephant in the room: 1789. “Shipping business.” Actively participating in the enslavement of other human beings. Look, I’m a humanitarian at heart, even if I’m not exactly a “people person”, so let me make this clear: what Hob was doing was WRONG. What he was doing is UNFORGIVABLE. I can never excuse him for it, nor forgive him. I think it was downright despicable and he deserves to live with the weight of those sins and the blood on his hands for eternity. That being said - no matter how abhorrent his actions were, the fact that almost as soon as Dream calls him out on it, he is humbled enough to consider changing his ways (and eventually following through), while it does nothing to erase the suffering he was causing, at least it shows he is not completely souless either. There is some good in him that’s worth carving out and bring into the light, there’s something in him that’s worth preserving. Not saving, there’s no coming back from participating in slavery. Just preserving. It’s more explicit in the comics, where Hob says he will never be able to make up for this mistake, and it’s that humility and willingness to improve himself and do better in the future that’s worth appreciating. Imagine if all the evil people in the world woke up to reality and decided to change for the better and work to make up for what they’ve done, even if that will never undo their past actions? I think the world would be doing a lot better. We need to give people a chance to be better, not without proper punishment, mind you! But those who do repent and regret their actions need a chance to be rehabilitated and reintegrated into society, otherwise we are never moving forward. 

Anyway.

In comes my favorite iteration of Hob: 1889. It’s when we truly see the culmination of the centuries, the best version of himself he can be, a man who believes people are almost always better than we think they are, who is too modest to admit he’s changed for the better, where he is neither poor nor wealthy, just average - someone willing to admit that he’s made mistakes and will continuing to make them because he might be immortal, but he’s still a human being ridden with flaws. He’s just so bashful when he becomes vulnerable with Dream, when he opens himself up and shows his own insecurities and regrets. So beautifully human.

And finally, we get to see his devotion to his relationship with Dream from 1989 forward, and yeah, look, I’m a BIG Dreamling fan as you’ve probably noticed, but just put that aside for a moment. If Hob is this dedicated to his friendship with a creature he only meets once a century, imagine what he’s like with all his other friends? Even back in 1589, the way he talks about Eleanor and Robyn, with so much love and affection, like they are the center of his world. He’s one loyal son of a bitch. And quick to forgive, it seems. 

And that’s why regardless of all the awful things he does through time, I can’t... Hate him for it. I can fault him for sure, I can recognize his dark side and say “yeah, no dude, you were a shitty person for doing all that.” I think it’s the good things about him that balance it all out. By the end of episode 06, I feel nothing except a deep appreciation and affection for Hob’s character. He inspired me to be the best person I can be, to forgive myself for my slights and focus on the next day, the next moment, and strive to do better always, never to wallow in self-pity and self-hate because ultimately, it helps neither myself nor anyone else. Above all, he and Death inspired me to look at life under a different prism, a more positive one. Yeah, the world is all fucked up, there’s little we can do to change it and everything dies in the end, but if you look hard enough, there’s always something worth looking forward to. 

We aim for change. We do our best. And above all, we live.

And that’s how I’ve ended up falling head over heels for Hob Gadling.

[solomonish]

Dork Solomon Agenda

You say sexy shady sorcerer I say nerd and love of my life

Solomon is a sad lonely little man why just wants a genuine connection us that so much to ask???

No but seriously like. It's totally fine if you hc Solomon as this man-turned-lowkey-sex-god with a million succubi and more at his whim whenever he wants and would be a tough one to put the ol' ball and chain on like to each their own for sure! But that's not MY hc

(Thats not to say my hc means he doesn't ever engage in casual sex like that and wanting a genuine long term relationship at some point [or finding out thats what you want when you meet someone] are not mutually exclusive yknow)

So like Solomon isn't the type to be short with you or keep you at an arm's length (i mean...u get what I mean. Once you're close enough and all that jazz) or get annoyed by you wanting to be affectionate?? Hello??

He LOVES the little things you do (some on accident tbh). You feeling affectionate today and give him a kiss or three on his face before you leave to go to your separate classes? Adorable, he's fallen in love again. You do that thing where you like.. forget how to walk straight and just accidentally bump into him? No come back he likes being close to you :( He doesn't SAY these things but there's a light, airy laugh he has that gives him away.

If you're ever facetiming he will say "boo!" when you connect instead of just. Greeting you like a normal person.

His fuckin. His devilgram name is monSOLO. My mans is a star wars fan!!! I dont know any of The Discourse bc I'm not super into star wars myself but he has IN DEPTH opinions about the movies. Seriously rivals Levi in this aspect. Please make time for movie nights where you watch the movies together 🥺 especially if you haven't seen them before he'd love to convert you 🥺

Didn't Solomon also have a thing for TSL??? Or am I just imagining it??

I feel like his ideal date would be exploring something new, whether its this new spooky forest or "hey have we been down this alley before? Let's check it out!" but ideal date number TWO is movie night. Even if it isn't Star Wars. He likes to sit on opposite ends of the couch throwing popcorn into each other's mouths (and big candies like peanut m&ms where you both have almost choked before) and maybe a footsie war if he's feeling real devious. Then at some point you grab a blanket and snuggle up to him and you both fall asleep on the couch

Simeon yells at him when you leave because there's popcorn EVERYWHERE

LOVES when you laugh super loud. Idk man he just thinks its great when you have such unbridled joy and then he laughs too 😊 not as loud though he's more of a quiet chuckle kind of guy (most of the time).

Is friends with Asmo so is extremely great at slumber party gossip. Catch him in his pajamas, cross-legged on the floor while clutching a pillow to his chest and listening intently to you rant about the brothers.

"Come here I have a secret to tell you" (blows air in your ear) "okay okay I'm sorry but come here again" (blows air on your neck) "okay okay last time! I actually have something to tell you. Please? Its important...." (kisses ur cheek) "like u a lil bit xo"

Never the type to send "good morning beautiful" or "good night 💞" texts. Instead he'll send you something at 4 am like "the infinite cosmos will eventually swallow whole all familiarity and life as it is now presently known and despite the adaptations humans or demons or angels could make i will still have to adapt and face the world as an alien in the realm I love so dearly. Funny how the strongest of beings bow to the whim of space and time. But sometimes my eternal journey doesn't seem so daunting when I realize that with my everlasting life will be the memory of you no matter how distant and the survival of the vessel you loved...."

And then at lunch that day when the brothers pull you away he'll send you a picture of the lasagna they're serving with "this kinda looks like you? Don't worry I'd still hit it" and then two minutes later "you not the pasta"

Is the type to think randomly "oh damn I love you so much" but has an impressive filter about it. Or he thinks he does until Luke grumbles "ugh get a room thats the fifth time you've seen that since monday" ok, sometimes he has a good filter about it

He can't help it! Sometimes you just say something really smart (or something SPECTACULARLY dumb) or you do something cute like lean on him or smile a specific way or-

Sir.....you're head over heels sir :/

The type who would go to a playground at night with you and just swing on the swings talking about life

Wants to have a secret handshake with you!!

If you're ever on a road trip with just the two of you, you can get him to join in on the terrible singing but he'll be a lot quieter than you

Also will only join in if he isn't driving. If he is and you aren't talking, he's just humming underneath his breath. Will drum on the steering wheel though

Cooking

(Yes, it gets its own section because MAYBE I'm obsessed with the idea of MC teaching Solomon to cook and the food still turning out terrible but at least it isn't a void when MC is helping)

The type to flick water at you every time he washes his hands. Will chase you down just to do it.

"Hey, tilt your head back and open your mouth MC" (proceeds to dump too big a handful of shredded cheese in your mouth)

100% the type to lean over you just to hinder your cooking abilities. Who cares if the sauce splashes he's tiiiired.... you'd let belphie do it :(

Puts a hand on your lower back when he passes behind you. Hopes you'll lean into it/step back and offer him a kiss 🥺

Believes in always having a proper table setting. Prepare for whatever juice they have (or water) in wine glasses if you're having a nice-er meal

Under the assumption that a spell ruined his sense of taste (and not that he's just bad at cooking) he hates spicy food. He can feel the burn but he gets none of the flavor??? Wack. Don't hurt him like that MC. If you do because its hilarious to watch him try to be cool about it he will pout

Gets cheesy aprons. He just likes them.

Will hit you on the top of your head with a whisk to hear the noise it makes

Will buy every kitchen hack tool there is. A ketchup dispenser that looks like a gun? He's got it. A fish that helps you squeeze out the egg yolks? Yes! A dinosaur soup ladle? You bet! Pizza scissors? A tool that makes hard boiled eggs into cubes? Something that's gotta be like 200 years old and no discernable purpose? Absolutely! He wants a hot dog toaster. Do they even have hot dogs in the devildom?

Will sneak bites just because it bothers you

Overall

Look at him. He hasn't had friends in centuries. He's playful!

Look at his DEVILGRAM NAME

His funky little WAND

This is a man who is a huge nerd, thrives off of cliches and just wants to have a good time. So let him! Its mentally exhausting having those pretenses up all the time.