#we are coming up on ONE YEAR since my rain on me dream post :( i kinda want to make a companion piece to it now that drace reveal and
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suenitos · 2 years ago
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teehee
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navillee · 1 month ago
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HIII i really love your writing and i really want to request you this ^^ seeing your recent post about dawnbreaker zayne made me think that...i would love to see some dawnbreaker zayne and mc angst from you 🫣
Since English isn't my first language, I'm delighted to read that. Dawnbraker Zayne angst here we go!
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I miss her. That was Zayne's conclusion as he walked by the empty streets, where no soul could be seem. How can he miss someone he has never met before? The old and almost destroyed Linkon tourist's guide kept on his hands as he wandered on a ghost city, by the time forgotten, hoping he could savor glimpses of someone who wasn't there anymore. To hunt memories, so he can repeat to himself that, at least, in another life, he was happy;
The dreams started when he was a way younger. He thought it was just his brain's way to cope with his burden, but when the same pattern repeated itself over and over again throughout the years, Zayne knew there couldn't exist such coincidence. So he became obsessed.
He searched on every data about his other self. How life was before, when the pre stage wanderers weren't such a treat to society as now. The hospital, the hunter's association, the establishments he used to visit, and most importantly of all: you;
He thought he wasn't envious of his doctor version at first. Dawnbraker was able to deal with the lack of family since he never had one or even friends and a healthy life structure in general. But you. Oh, you. The girl in the dreams with the bright personality and warm tone of voice. Dawnbraker felt envious for the first time when that voice called his name. He knew it wasn't his name, and it hurt;
He bought your favorite candies and put them at his half empty apartment. He even bought flowers in an illusionary attempt to bring you closer, in hopes you would show up. But you didn't exist in his world. It comforted him to do it, though. It was his ritual before he went to sleep. If he kept you alive in his mind during the day, you would grace him in his dreams;
It was so fucking unfair. The way he kept a diary of his dreams at the bed table besides his bed to engrave every detail of you was fucking unfair;
He even did portraits of you — the drawing ability he discovered his doctor version also had — because he got terrified, thinking that all of sudden the dreams could come to an permanently end, and he would never be able to see you again;
From that desperation came the avaricious felling of rights upon his other self. He wanted as much time with you as he could get. Dawnbraker's dreams had become his drug;
It was like day and night had switched positions. Dawnbraker Zayne was performing during the day, surviving every second of it. He started to kill the humans before they could turn into wanderers like they were just numbers. It wasn't real after all. No, it was just a bad nightmare that he would wake up from, in Linkon, embraced in your loving arms and sweet voice. He rejected his life, believing that was his right to possess Doctor Zayne's one;
He needed his fix. He needed desperately every night. When he didn't get it, he became reckless, killing to vent his anger, killing in revenge at the universe for giving him this miserable existence. He killed almost for joy;
When two weeks passed by without any dreams, he went a step further into his addiction. One pill. Just one to make dawnbraker Zayne sleep properly and get to his other self. He swallowed it, taking two sips of water. His head hurted, and his hands trambled. But it was functional. Dawnbraker fell into a deep slumber;
It worked amazingly. The pill helped to keep his staying with you more vivid. Even though he couldn't feel physically what Zayne felt, he could see your face clearly now. It wasn't a blury dream. You were so perfect, every detail, walking on the rain together, the sound of the droplets of rain hitting the umbrella mixing with your laugh. Zayne wanted to cry. Would you notice his tears in the rain? You both were soaked, you and him apparently stopped by the convenience store to buy an umbrella;
You were holding some shopping bags and a bouquet of flowers, the same flower he has bought back in his world. He felt glad you received them in this universe. Dawnbraker felt guilty. Has Doctor Zayne noticed the flowers on the counter while he stayed in his world?
After that wonderful dream, Dawnbreaker faced his fall. It started with one pill that turned into two in only a spare of weeks, then three. He killed half human beings, then he drugged himself to the life he could save those people. To where he has a perfect life, when he was looked to as a person, not a feared shadow living in the corner;
He remembered to left hints on his apartment to the other Zayne from that night on. Flowers, movie tickets from the movies released back then, some not too revealing notes... some revealing ones;
One day, he arrived at his apartment with an injury on his arm. He had seen so much blood that day, spilled so much blood. His blood and innocent's too. Dawnbraker felt an excruciating pain. He felt totally abandoned in the universe;
In order to forget the pain consuming him, he swallowed all the remaining pills left on the bottle. He didn't have much time, so he send a message to the only number he had registered on his phone since that little boy accident, and also placed one item on his bedside table as he always did, so his other self would capture what he wanted Zayne to do, and he slept;
Dawnbraker found himself in the corridor to your apartment, his heart pounding on his chest like he wanted desperately to live. He stumbled at the open door's frame, rushing into your living room, finding you there, safe and sound, his pretty girl, as always. Dawnbraker wanted to cry again, and this time, he let himself;
"Zayne? What happened? Is everything okay?" You came rushing to him, and this time, he couldn't hide the surprise. On this dream, he was able to feel your touch;
He crumbled on his own weight, falling on his knees in front of you, his eyes sparkly with crystal clear tears washing over his face, pupils stagnated on you. As you brushed his tears off, he placed both his hands on top of yours, nuzzling his face against your warmth, felling you for the first time;
"Hard day at work?" You asked, and he sobbed, hands trembling as he tried to stop the tears. So you hugged him. With any word needed, you just stayed with him, the man's big frame hidden in your neck crook, warm tears running down your skin as you keep a tender scratch on his hair's scalp;
"S'okay Zayne, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you." She coped his face with both hands, touching both foreheads together, and kept caressing her thumbs on his face. "I love you. And there's nothing in this universe able to change that."
Doctor Zayne woke up at the infamous, almost empty apartment, almost screaming in pain. What had happened? Why was he there? His head was spinning, he was sweating, and as soon as he raised his head to check on himself, he was also bleeding. The bedsheets were soaked in blood;
Zayne tried to get out of bed to serch for medical supplies in order to staunch the bleeding. But he failed when he computed the actual condition of his counterparts arm: it wasn't human anymore;
Then, Doctor Zayne remembered the uncountable notes left to him by himself from that sick reality: "Wanderers. Infectious danger." Then he understood. It was his worst nightmare, the last one;
He made a colossal effort to try to get off bed. There's need to be a solution, a way out to save himself from that destiny. Then, he stumbled his hand on a little item left on the side bed table. He groaned in pain on the process to bring the object closer to his sight;
It was a little box. His last item was a set of rings. Engagement ones;
Dawnbraker Zayne opened his eyes, meeting your tender gaze, too flabbergasted to even speak. His body just leaned, seeking more of your warmth. You understood him and his cowardice, so you simply leaned the remaining amount of millimeters between both lips, kissing him again and again and again. "No need to worry. I'm gonna take care of you today, okay?" You said, making tears run down his eyes. "You...promise?" Dawnbraker asked, his throat aching for trying to hold his happy tears;
"Off course I promise! I'll always take care of you, Zayne." She smiled again. After a terrible life, Dawnbreaker felt loved. He pulled you for a last kiss. "Thank you. I'll always love you, no matter when or where. Remember that."
Blurred by tears, Dawnbreaker's vision faded away from that reality into nothing. But while he took the last look at you, all passionate and feelings love, he couldn't be envious anymore, because he was once, loved by his dream girl, he was at least once, truly happy. Dawnbreaker finally could fell peace;
Delirious by the pain, the last thing Doctor Zayne could hear was someone kicking the front door, presenting themselves as police. Before his bedroom door was broken entirely down, he placed the ring box near his chest, clenching his grip around it;
Doctor Zayne opened his eyes again to meet yours. The pain had vanished, and he returned to his world. As you kissed all over his face, he smiled, hugging you tightly as tears ran down his face. That was his last nightmare as Dawnbreaker, and Doctor Zayne would make sure to fulfill his last wish;
Just then, one day, Zayne would also give his last breath beside the woman he loved dearly.
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ladynoirjuly · 2 years ago
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Ladynoir July 2023 is almost here! We are very excited for this year’s event and hope you all are ready to create some content since we are missing it in canon right now! Super huge thanks again to one of our mods @chocoluckchipz for making this amazing calendar (with some assist from @ladyofthenoodle)!
The Ladynoir July discord server came up with and voted on this year’s prompts. If you would like to be part of the prompt selection process in the future, or if you just want to hang out in a quiet, salt-free server that loves Ladynoir, feel free to reach out for an invite in DMs.
To participate in this event, use the prompts (also written out below the cut) during the month of July to create art, fic, gifs, music, cosplay, anything you want! Just be sure to @ this blog and use the tag #ladynoirjuly2023. You do not have to do the prompts in order, nor do you have to do all of them. Do as many or as few as you’d like, and, most importantly, don’t forget to have fun!
That being said, please keep in mind a few rules:
1. This is a salt-free event. Please keep all of your submissions free of heavy critique/bashing of the show/characters/ships.
2. Please keep your submissions centred around Ladynoir. You may include other corners of the Lovesquare, but the majority of the work should be revolving around Ladynoir.
3. This event is open to people of all ages. NSFW submissions are allowed, but please put them under a Read More and tag appropriately.
4. Have fun!
Works that do not adhere to these rules will not be reblogged.
If your work hasn’t been reblogged within 48 hours, please, check if you’ve mentioned this blog in your post ( @ladynoirjuly​ ) AND tagged your work with #ladynoirjuly2023. If everything is in order but your work was still not reblogged, please, reach out to the mod team. We’ll do our bests not to miss anyone, but sometimes things slip through.
We can’t wait to see what you all come up with this year!
Wedding Bells
Emergency Contact
Truth or Dare
Cards
Shooting Stars
That Costume Suits You
My Boyfriend vs Your Girlfriend
In Another Life
I Lied
Trust Fall
Don’t Let Go
Trapped
In the Dark
Lingering Touch
Shared Dreams
Rewrite the Stars
Roses
Sunrise
Vigilante
Undercover
Masquerade
Entangled
If I Never Saw You Again
Out of Time
In the Rain
Oh… oh.
Name
You Still Have Me
Back to Back
Against the World
In Every Universe
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steviebbboi · 2 months ago
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Once Upon A Friendship: Bittersweet Symphony
Pairings: Childhood Bestie!Steve Rogers x F!Reader
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Word Count: 3.2k~
Rating: Teens and up!
Disclaimer: Surprise, shawtyyyy~ submitting this sad lil number to 🍂Winds of Autumn Challenge🍂 made by @the-slumberparty // Chai latte ☕ caught in the cold rain // Melancholy ☁️ as the trees shed and the flowers wilt, we feel a sense of loss. Write a tragic tale. *this is a prequel to my fic Once Upon A Friendship. You may need to read it to get the full gist, but it could probs be read on its own-ish. *I wanted to submit a 3-part to this where it's a sad prequel, hope prequel, and then a post-OUAF fic for Chip and Steve. But not entirely sure, feel free to lmk if anyone would even wanna read that for these two <3 *i was inspired by Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve if you wanted to listen while reading!
Summary: Visiting home for the holidays has left you feeling sad and alone. Is it really the end of your friendship with Steve?
***I don't give any permission for this to be reposted anywhere! Pls do not steal work, plagiarism isn't cuteeee~~~~
Warnings: 18+ for the explicit language. This is a sad one y'all get ready for the angst, explicit language/curse words. ends with some kind of hope. this is not beta'd so please be kind!
*Any comments/reblogs are much appreciated and are so encouraging - more than you know. Pls don't hesitate to interact with me <3
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“Shit!” Ducking underneath the small alcove, you exhaled a sigh of frustration as you tried to wrang your damp hair, trying to rid it of the sudden extra moisture thanks to the abundant waterfall that was the rain. 
It was a rainy Autumn season this year, it was out of character considering that the weather around your hometown was usually well-adjusted. You were just out to go to the grocery store to see if you could scramble a last minute grab for some cranberry sauce. With Thanksgiving being so close, you knew that the shelves would likely be empty but your stomach outwon logic once again.
When you saw the gloomy clouds and the wind-blown fall leaves scattered all over the neatly trimmed lawns of other people’s houses, you should’ve known that you fucked up by not bringing an umbrella, much more, by not wearing appropriate clothing.
Leaving the house, you figured it would be a quick trip, in-and-out. Have hope and then feel disappointment (or if you were lucky, leave the store just skipping down the sidewalk with the dreams of eating the can full of gelatinous tart of cranberry goodness that would be clutched in your hand). Naively, you left the house wearing a pair of thin leggings and a crochet sweater.
Now, as you sat along the rainy road, seeking shelter underneath the small bus stop corner, you cursed your craving stomach and realized that you needed to listen to your intuition a lot more than you have been. The thick sweater left you feeling even muggier than you were before with you getting drenched in the rain and your thin leggings left you shivering with nothing to protect you from the gusty autumn breeze.
Trying desperately not to cry at how frustrated you felt, you sat there trying to replay the last few days. You were currently on mid-semester break, back home to celebrate the Thanksgiving weekend. Since you booked your flight tickets back home, you were dreading coming back as you knew that this would be the first time since graduation that you would see your family. Not only your parents, but Natasha and Bucky.
Steve. 
Natasha, being the friend that she is, tried to comfort you the best she could over the phone before you went on your flight. Apparently, Steve may not even be there for a long period of time since his semester was scheduled differently from all of yours. Word from Bucky was that they also may be visiting his mom’s side of the family’s Thanksgiving celebration. 
You did your best to coordinate dates and times so that you wouldn’t see him but one scolding from Nat bucked you up. 
“It was your decision to leave the way that you did. People are going to be naturally curious and so will Steve. It’s time to pull up your big girl pants, and come home.”
You knew that she was right, however cruel her words sounded– you knew that she was speaking from a place of reality. It was your decision to leave suddenly, even though you knew that the escape wouldn’t last forever. Your families were all so close, it was inevitable to see him again.
You just didn’t think that you would be feeling this much pain at this point. 
Grief is a funny thing - you’re still mourning this person who is alive, but in your eyes, Steve was basically gone. Seeing him there in that dimly lit bedroom, the thumping sounds of the music downstairs just reverberating in your ears, seeing Sharon’s lips on his as she laid on top of Steve. 
Tears brimmed to your eyes just at the image of it burning in your mind’s eye. The shock, anger, and hurt flooded through you as if you were still there. You didn’t regret what you said at the party. 
“I wish that I had never met you.” 
The words escaped you in such an impulsive fury. You never imagined that you would be the kind of person to ever feel that much hate. Towards anyone, but especially towards Steve, your best friend. The person that would never fail to make you laugh and would always help you feel less alone.
A wave of genuine sorrow washed over you because you weren’t spending the holidays laughing with your friends. You weren’t smiling. You were wet, cold and sad. 
And you were certainly, and most definitely, alone. 
You could feel yourself distance from what was happening around you slowly as you opted to wait out the rain. It was too much effort to call one of your parents, or Nat, even Buck – to come up and pick you up. Then, you’d just have to explain all the reasons as to why you’re wet and sad and you didn’t really feel like receiving that look of pity again.
You sighed again as the sounds of car’s splashing against the wet roads came back to you. After some pondering, you ultimately decided to head back home and took a look at when the next bus would be coming. Looking through the bus’ schedule on your phone, you heard footsteps rush in your direction but you assumed that it was another person just trying to outrun the rain. It was only when you felt someone sit next to you on the bench did you turn to the person.
Steve.
He was panting hard, his breath fogging in the air with exhilaration. He looked over at you as he sat down, he looked hesitant– as if he were attempting to say something. Your mind and body couldn’t move all of a sudden, you couldn’t help but just stare at him. 
You haven’t seen each other since that night – seeing him in the flesh, to see him in his stature just made the pain more real. 
Out of pure fight or flight instinct, your body broke the frozen barrier as you got up with lightning speed and turned to walk away. Before you could take one step, Steve’s strong grip clutched onto your wrist before you could go. 
“Wait, chip, don’t–” Steve pleaded at first until you whipped around to roughly take back your wrist from his touch.
“Don’t touch me!” 
The words felt like they echoed despite the loud platters of rain on pavement. You clutched your hand in reverence of his warm touch on your cold skin. Like you were clutching a burn, you held your wrist close to your heart where you felt it once again break like it did that night. 
Underneath the heartbreak, you could feel your younger self just utterly despair at the look on Steve’s face. He seemed to pale even in the ghastly weathered temperatures and fog-ridden air. His eyes held a shock that you recalled was present on the same night that you told him those shelled words. 
“I wish that I had never met you.” 
The words echoed again now too. It touched both of your ears whilst you stood there in mild panic as you both stared at each other. It truly felt like your friendship together really had never existed. 
Time passed a bit until Steve’s chapped pink lips suddenly moved, “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to grab you like that.” His speech was slow, as if he was trying to be very careful of what was actually coming out of his mouth. 
You only broke your stare away from his to look down at the darkened pavement, still clutching your wrist to your chest. You could feel the torrid rain from earlier brisk down into a soft mist, droplets catching in your eyelashes as you flit your gaze back to Steve. 
“What are you even doing here?” You mumbled to him, eyes wandering back and forth between him and the pavement.
Steve looked embarrassed before he stood up to meet you at arm's length. Both of you withstanding the mist falling from the sky. With a frown, you noticed the shortened distance between you two and attempted to back away until Steve reached his hands out as if to placate you. 
His resounding sigh let you know that he wasn’t going to come any closer as he responded, “Buck told me you were back home. I went over to see you and your mom told me that you left for the store. Figured I could try to catch you mid-route, and I did.” His words left a clear mark on what had transpired from the time since you came back home.
Steve was keeping tabs on you. Steve went to visit you. Steve came out in the rain to try and catch you.
Your eyes glazed over with a mist thicker than what was coming down. A burning sensation and tingling in your eyes overpowered you as you recognized the grief of missing him once more. More than anything, you wanted him to chase you. Follow you. But he never did, hadn’t for a long time. Until now. 
Grief, that’s an old friend. 
Doing your best to mask up your tears, you couldn’t catch the one that rolled down your cheek as you eagerly wiped away at your face. You tried to pretend you were wiping away the rainy mist but from the look of devastation on Steve’s face, you could tell that you didn’t do a good job of hiding your tears. 
Ignoring his look, you sniffed harshly against the cold air and a stoic expression overtook your flushed face. “Okay, and? What do you want?” 
He blanched further at your reduced and stoic tone but his eyes took a hopeful turn, “I was hoping that we could talk, chip. Last time that I saw you, I didn’t get the chance to explain or talk to you.” 
You frowned at his words, “You’re hilarious if you thought that I’d even want to talk to you, Rogers.”
Steve took the opportunity to say, “Well, I mean, we are technically talking now…” His eyebrows raised in attempts to invite humor into the space. His expression fell when he saw your furrowed expression.
Suffice to say, you were not buying it nor did you want to engage in humor about your pain with Steve.
“Chip, I want to apologize for what happened. I never meant for you to run into Sharon and I…especially not in that way. I mean, of course, at all– I never wanted you to run into Sharon and I doing anything–” Steve stumbled upon his words as he ran into a word salad in his brain. 
Your annoyance at his continued rambling cut through his random speech, “Rogers. What do you want from me?” 
Steve cut himself off at your decisive tone and said, “You never, never, deserved for that to have happened. It was a complete accident. I’m so sorry.” 
Fury. It was the only emotion that was coming through as you let Steve’s dead apology deliberately hang in empty air. 
You couldn’t hold it back.
“You’re sorry? You’re sorry?! Steve, the way that you looked at me when I walked into that fucking room–,” Steve’s eyes widened at your speech and he flinched as he saw your crossed arms fall to your sides dangerously calm. 
“It was like you didn’t want me to exist. As if my very presence annoyed you,” you continued, your breath coming in hot and fast. You didn’t even seem to notice your feet leaning and stepping closer into Steve’s space. Something else took over you. It was the former best friend of Steve Rogers that was in so much pain. 
“If you really ever truly cared, instead of chasing me out here to give me this half-assed apology, you would really need to apologize for the fact that you treated your best friend like shit for a long time, way before I even found you in that stupid house! When you blatantly ignored my calls and when you brushed me off in the library. For when you would stand me up at the diner or for when you would break so many promises that you couldn’t keep! For the times that you said that you would never betray me but then you did. For the times when you promised to protect me from bullies, like Sharon– until you went and became one.”
You couldn’t catch your breath. You could feel your chest heaving and the rain wasn’t misting anymore. The air was dry and stale and lingered a sour and gray aftertaste that could only be translated into a bitter melancholy.
Your body was only one step away from Steve now. Unbeknownst to you, you threateningly crept closer to Steve as you spoke at him. For all of Steve’s bravery, he planted himself like a tree as he wreaked your havoc. Your angry words washed over him like the rain, it felt truly deserving and sad.
“You shouldn’t be apologizing for what happened in that house Steve. What you should be apologizing for is for ruining a friendship that we can never, ever, get back. You did that. You.” 
Your accusing pointed finger poked harshly at his dampened chest. Your last resounding accusation of ruining the friendship made Steve harshly flinch once more. Bitterness didn’t allow you to break your gaze from his. A sweet and vicious victory started to fill your chest at the sight of Steve’s blue eyes tinting with unshed tears, the space in your heart that used to be sustained by love and adoration was replaced by pure resentment.
You stuffed down the pain as you finished off, “I don’t give a flying fuck about your apology. You were dead to me the minute that I left that house. I don’t want to be friends with you. I don’t even want to be around you. There isn’t anything here anymore so if I were you, I’d go back to Sharon and your other friends. Don’t worry! You could celebrate your untethered friendship with the loser nerd that you always just felt sorry for – you’re obviously really good at pretending.”
Sarcasm and disdain dripped from your words as you sneered at Steve’s now dulled eyes. He gave a slow shake of his head as if to try to reject your words and what he was witnessing and hearing from you. 
Steve blinked away his tears harshly as he shook his head again, almost like he resolutely decided on something. “You don’t mean that, chip.” 
Quickly, you corrected him with your name. Steve gave one last hurt flinch at that. “You don’t get to call me that anymore. Only my real friends get to call me that. And I did mean it. God, why do you even care anyways? You’re free! You obviously never cared about me. So I don’t care about you either. That’s it!” 
You frowned and grimaced bitter tears away as you made your claims. Looking back in Steve’s eyes, there were tears still present but something was different in them. A glint that you’ve only seen a few times in your friendship growing up. 
Steve determinedly shook his head again and refused to consider your cutting remarks, “That’s not true. I’ve always cared about you and I still do. You’re right – I treated you like crap and you didn’t deserve that. So you can keep insulting me and hurting me, chip. I deserve it. All those times that we protected each other, I wasn’t trying to protect me. I was always just trying to protect you. It was you who never deserved to be treated like that by anyone, most of all, by me. But I know that I failed you and betrayed you, and I am so sorry. I’m sorry.” 
His tone was hopeful once more and you couldn’t believe it but– you couldn’t help but recognize  the undying, caring nature that was Steve Rogers. You just said the ugliest and most horrid of things to him, beat him down, terrorized him – and he was still trying to meet you with compassion that you would allow, and he seemed to know it too. 
It was your turn to experience disbelief as your vision blurred, it was like the clock turned back time as you took in his words – you didn’t see the stocky and tall build of the man in front of you now, you could only see the skinny and small Steve Rogers. Your best friend. 
“I’m not free, chip. And I don’t want to be. I miss you. I don’t deserve to have a friend like you, but I’m not going to give up. I’ll do whatever I need to do to earn your forgiveness and trust back. Anything to be in each other’s lives again.” Steve seemed to regain the confidence that he needed since the beginning of this reunion as he stood at his full height, broad and statured. His face was determined and his voice was steady. The reverence in his body and words made you draw back again as you took one step back. 
“Just please, don’t give up on me.” His eyes downcast again as he desperately clung onto the tense silence that held the potential for repair. 
You didn’t know what to feel. Numb heaviness took over your body and it was like any words or response was trapped inside of you. You said all that you could’ve said, it felt like. You frantically tried to find the anger and bitterness again but they seemed to retreat into far enough depths where they couldn’t be found. 
But with his words sinking in, his seemingly urgent request touched something inside of you. The only thing that seemed to shine was a halting jolt of reluctant hope. 
Almost as if he could see it too, Steve allowed his own small hope to seep through as a small smile endeared his handsome face. Silence continued to fill the space as it became clear that you weren’t capable of responding, he took two steps back as he finally gave you the space that he knew you didn’t ask for, but now respectfully gave. 
“I’ll go back home now. I’ll see you in a few days at the party.” He nodded at you, his eyes shining with glimmers of promise as he turned the walk back from where he came. The same direction that you would have to go down too eventually. 
You remained frozen with bated breath as you watched Steve’s form slowly distance farther and farther as he walked away, until you couldn’t really see him anymore. 
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It wasn’t until later during the party, you plated your cranberry sauce and dipped a selfish spoonful into your mouth did you fully register what happened. You got what you wanted from the taste, but this overall unsatisfied feeling overcame you. Unsure of this feeling, you glanced over at the living room filled with laughter and cheer, the air smelling of mouth watering food – your wandering eyes froze again as you stumbled upon Steve. He was standing with Bucky and Natasha, laughing with them but his blue eyes seemed to have already been seeking yours. 
Even from afar, you could tell that the promise in his gaze from earlier was still there. 
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A/N: What are our thoughts? Chip really let him have it! This is one of those interactions that they have had together before the main fic where she would try her hardest to not speak with him. But as we could see, Steve is always persistent! I think that this may satisfy some of y'all who have been feening for a more angry-at-Steve response lol I'm hoping that it can satisfy some of the anger at him. He knows he fucked up, but he isn't going to give up their friendship! And as we know, he could do this alllll day. Thanks for reading laddies~
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mybworlds · 4 months ago
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The Summer We Met
Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader
Summary: You and your fiancé are headed to an island paradise. You've been together for a long time and are just waiting for his proposal, but...
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Warnings: use of you, use of petnames, language, injuries, bruises, blood (a little?), plane crash, survival, fluff, smut. If I miss smt please let me know.
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"A shooting star!" you exclaim, pointing your index finger towards the sky and following the short luminous trail. "Make a wish!" you exclaim in unison and then smile at each other with a knowing expression.
You look into each other's eyes and without saying anything else you exchange a sweet kiss on the lips, a prelude to another special night of love.
You and your wonderful boyfriend have been together since high school, taken the same classes, have the same group of friends. In short, a perfect harmony that led you to always agree on everything, never an argument, never a word out of place. Always everything absolutely perfect. You hope that all of this will eventually lead to his proposal. It would be a dream come true. The fulfillment of all your wishes.
When you come home after an afternoon spent with girls, you find your boyfriend on a travel site. All smiles, you hug him from behind and kiss his cheek, he returns the hug as best he can to then immediately seek out your lips and caress you.
"Love, I wanted to surprise you." he begins, looking at you sideways with a sweet smile.
"I'm all ears." You say, sitting on his lap and gently scratching his scalp.
"Have you ever heard of that island with so many little honey-colored bays?" he asks, caressing your back in an absentminded gesture.
"Um, no. Should I?" you ask perplexed looking at the page of the site that he closes.
"Well, baby, I was thinking of spending a few days there. What do you think?" he asks you and you, all smiling, throw your arms around his neck and shout a yes. Who knows, maybe his proposal will arrive right there!
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"Are you really going to Honey Island?! Oh my God, I'm so happy for you!" exclaims one of your best friends. You couldn't help but share your excitement with someone who for you really matters.
"Yes, and I really hope the proposal comes!" you add, smiling nervously. "How do you think I should behave? Naturally, I should be the one to do it?! I'm so nervous I can barely breathe!" you meow, all excited.
"Take a deep breath, my friend. Don't do anything. He has to make the move! If it were up to you, I know, you would have gotten married ten years ago when you graduated from high school." she says smiling at you with a knowing and amused air.
The rest of your morning is spent sharing opinions and she gives you some suggestions on what to visit in Honey Island. It must be some kind of nature reserve from what your friend says, you didn't want to see or look for anything. You want everything to be a surprise.
You pack your bags praying not to forget anything, you don't want to bring a lot of things with you, but you want everything to be perfect because you feel something good is going to happen.
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It's Friday and with your heart full of emotions and expectations you board towards Honey Island. You held your partner's hand tightly at the moment of take-off and then relaxed afterwards. The journey went smoothly, you even slept a couple of hours and then you arrived.
Well, It's not exactly what you imagined: the bay consists of a white sand inlet, there is a small kiosk not far from there and then, a few steps from the bay, there are various hotels. The sky is very cloudy, maybe it will rain. Your inner smile dies, and you don't even hide the fact that you're quite upset. It can't be that your sweetie gave you such a surprise.
"Is it good, isn't It?" he asks approaching you and smiling at you "Do you mind if I start going up to the room?"
You don't want to believe that you made this trip to stay locked in your room, "Uhm, okay. I'm going for a walk. Maybe you know, buy something for the study or something like that." you say waving your hands in an attempt to hide your disappointed face "Go ahead, I'll catch up with you." you add, starting to walk and bumping into a well-built man, broad-shouldered, apparently quite muscular.
"Fuck you and watch where you're going!" he barks in an annoyed tone. You're so down that you do something you never thought you'd do, you give him a quick middle finger and then you walk away from that guy, off the main road.
You feel like crying alone, in silence. You shouldn't have put the thought into it. But you were so sure that you two would have had a nice vacation in a nice place and maybe he could have asked you to marry him. That would have been your dream. And instead you two are on a small island where there is nothing except the smell of boat exhaust, a few airplanes, hotels and noisy tourists. You try to think that he will probably do it in a few hours, tonight, tomorrow in your room or maybe on a boat in the middle of the ocean, who knows. You dry your tears and go to the hotel.
The hotel is really very nice, well kept. The main colors are blue and white. The friendly and smiling employees give you back a little good mood. You get some water at the hotel bar and then, after getting the key, you go up.
You try to console yourself and not make a tragedy out of it, everything is fixed, maybe... every thought you think stops, your breathing stops, your salivation is reduced to zero, your hand is glued to the doorknob.
You run away, you don't know who you'll bump into as you leave the hotel, then you bump into someone else again, but you see those scenes before your eyes: your man, the man you would have wanted. by your side for life, the man you thought would come out to you on this vacation, hugging and kissing another woman. And not just any girl, but one of your best friends, no less.
You want to go home, you get on the first plane you see. There's someone in the driver's seat who, seeing you, mutters, "Hey, hey, young lady, where do you think you're going?" You don't answer and you start sobbing, "Whoa, Whoa, what's up?" he asks.
You continue to cry and sob until you feel a handkerchief brush against your arm, you quickly grab it and blow your nose, "I hate him." you continue staring at the handkerchief in your hands "He ruined everything, everything. Please, take me away." you beg, feeling more tears roll down your cheeks.
"Ma'am, I don't like those dark clouds. There's a storm comin' in, we'll leave as soon as the sky is clear, okay?" he asks you. You look at him, noticing his dark, deep eyes for the first time.
"Please, I'll pay double if we leave now." You insist, not wanting to stay a minute longer in this place with the man you hoped to spend your whole life with. You're running away, yes.
"It's not about the money, really. It's for your safety. And mine." He says, looking up at the sky and then looking at you like you're some hysterical lunatic he has to try to calm down.
"With my best friend." you sob as you think back to that scene "What was she even doing here?" you sniff "What does it matter now!" you exclaim with your eyes downcast.
The guy sighs, you see him scratching the back of his neck with an embarrassed and almost undecided look about what to do, "Ma'am, please, I'll take you away from here. But later or tomorrow morning, not now, I promise."
"Please, help me. Now." You insist, looking the man in the eyes with a pleading expression. He sighs, rolling his eyes and shaking his head "There's no way to change your mind, is there?" he tries one last time "Maybe things will clear up with your partner," you shake your head and interrupt him. "I beg you."
He breathes heavily, "As you wish." He says turning on the radio and informing the air station of the aircraft's destination, then he starts to turn on the engines. You see him so fast in his movements that for a moment you forget what you saw not even half an hour ago.
"Okay, lil bird, fasten your seatbelt." he informs you. "I hope you don't suffer from airsickness, because I don't have any bags to vomit into, I warn you." he tells you with a half smile that you don't return because you can't buckle up.
"Are you sure this thing can fly?" you ask him worriedly, noticing the half-erased writings in the cockpit and sensing some not so reassuring noises.
He gives you an outraged look like you just insulted him to his core before turning his back on you, "For your information, this gem has been on and off missions far more dangerous than bringing a broken-hearted woman back to ground!" he clarifies, giving you a quick glance as you feel the aircraft vibrate and you hold on to the armrests of your seat.
"Okay, here we are, my little one." he says, you look at him perplexed when you understand that he turns to the plane, or this kind of flying object that he pilots "Takeoff, hold on tight." he adds turning to you this time.
You hold on to your seatbelt, you are not afraid of flying, but you feel safer when you have your feet on the ground and are in control of your actions and movements.
You are heading straight towards those dark clouds that had worried him so much before taking off, at that moment a flash of lightning tears through the sky and the plane jolts, "Fuck!" you hear him swearing and then fiddling with the radio and some red and green buttons that you don't even know what they're for. The plane jolts again, followed by splashes of rain that begin to wet the glass, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I told you! Never listen to a woman! Next time I won't let myself be convinced even for a billion!" he mutters.
"What's the problem?" you ask him, placing your hands behind his seat and looking worriedly outside.
There is a frightening rumble coming from outside, another lightning bolt and more rain, while the plane makes more and more noises and you hear an increasingly insistent beeping coming from the monitors in the aeroplane.
"The problem is that we are losing altitude too fast!" he replies, while you widen your eyes in fear, looking outside and at the pilot.
“There must be a way, right?” you ask, hoping for good news, but the plane actually loses altitude, banking sharply downward. You scream, but the pilot overpowers your screams by saying, "I don't want to die, not today. So, I'm just going with the wind and stuff. Don't worry, you're not going to die." he answers you with an expert but worried tone. His face is tense, you can even see him gritting his teeth, as he tries to maneuver this thing.
You hold your breath, seeing what appears to be the ground and clutching your seat belt and seat tightly, "Okay, 20 seconds to impact." he announces. "15 seconds," he looks at you, "it'll be fine."
“Has this happened before?” you ask, hoping to hear a positive response.
"First time." he replies "5 seconds," then everything goes black.
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Taglist @christinamadsen; @harriedandharassed
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blouisparadise · 9 months ago
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Today we have the fourth part of our hurt/comfort rec list for you! There are tons of amazing fics on this list that we hope you'll show some love to. If you missed the previous parts, you can find part one here, part two here, and part three here. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!
1) Wanna Feel the Edges Start to Burn | Explicit | 6,111 words
Harry gives him a gentle smile. “Feeling a little bit better?” Louis nods tentatively. “I think so yeah. Thank you so much for being so kind, but you really didn’t need to do this.” He lifts his unfortunately still shaky hand and runs it haphazardly through his hair. “It was just a spilled tea, I totally overreacted. I’m a bit embarrassed to be honest.” Harry scoffs. “Are you kidding me? Don’t be. I saw the whole thing, that guy was way out of line. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Louis gives him what he’s sure is a watery smile. “Erm thank you. I wouldn’t normally admit this to a stranger, but you’ve already seen me cry today so what the hell?” He forces himself to let out a weak laugh. “The thing is, my period is due any day now and sometimes the birth control pills make my emotions go a little haywire. I think that’s what happened.”
2) To Love Without Reason | Explicit | 8,894 words
“Come on in, soldier,” Louis pats Harry’s chest and walks away, leaving Harry to follow behind. Harry stands in the living room, looking around at Louis’ dwelling. Family pictures placed high on a shelf, certificates of Louis’ practice, and other trinkets that make Harry entirely too nostalgic. “I have to warn you,” Louis says as he puts the kettle on, the water droplets from his hair trickling down the golden skin of his back. “The door jams if you lock it so you'll have to leave it ajar.” Harry acknowledges with a soft hum, too entranced by Louis’ glistening skin to form a coherent reply.
3) Wanna Do Nothing With You | Explicit | 9,606 words
The accident happens in the stupidest way possible. One minute Louis is demonstrating a skateboard trick he’d just learned for Lottie, the next he’s waking up in a hospital. He’s told that he wasn’t unconscious the entire ride, but he has absolutely no recollection of it. One second he’s fucking around in his own garden and the next he’s being assaulted with the strong sterile scent of a hospital. So. There’s that.
4) Let Me Be Your Good Night | Explicit | 10,520 words
Louis goes on a shit Valentines date and Harry's the cute waiter who takes him home
5) For The Love Of Biscuits | Mature | 16,574 words
Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.
The thing about hybrids is that their animal instincts make them jumpy. And quite often lends them to being owned. Harry Styles wasn't looking to purchase a half-breed. But sometimes things just happen. And owning a fox/human hybrid was something that happened.
6) Works Like A Charm | Explicit | 18,088 words
Ever since Louis joined the team in fifth year, a few facts have become set in stone. One: Louis is the best chaser in Hogwarts. Two: Harry is the best beater in Hogwarts. Three: They do not get along. So it’s really unfair of Liam to think that forcing them to spend time together as Louis recovers from his injury will make them the best of friends. The last thing Louis would do is get along with that git.
7) Soup Of The Day | Explicit | 19,958 words
It had been the single minded goal for them since college and seemed simple enough. 1. Study hard. 2. Open their dream restaurant. 3. Take the culinary world by storm. What could possibly go wrong?
8) Under The Rain Or Under The Snow | Explicit | 20,667 words
Christmas AU where they broke up a month ago but Harry shows up at Louis’ childhood home for the holidays. Louis didn’t tell his mum about their breakup so staying with them is not ideal. Harry stays.
9) Heart Eyes | Explicit | 21,467 words
Harry is a dedicated sentinel with a strong aversion to demons, and Louis is the lovesick incubus who will go to any lengths to win Harry's heart.
10) It Was All By Design (‘Cause I’m A Mastermind) | Explicit | 21,986 words
“You can’t be serious. You think I would be so awful to work for - you would rather quit?” “Don’t be all high and mighty about it,” Harry scoffs. “Surely you would do the same.” “I’m not being high and mighty. It’s called being professional.” “Really?” Harry pushes. “You’d work diligently under me with no complaints? You’d do whatever I asked of you?” “That would be my job, so yeah.” Harry shakes his head. “I’d work you so fucking hard,” he says slowly, “that you’d have to quit.”
11) Thrown To The Wolves | Explicit | 21,681 words
Louis is a human living in the Styles' wolf pack who can't stop getting into trouble, and Harry is the soon-to-be alpha who thinks keeping Louis at arm's length is the safest option.
12) Letters To June | Mature | 41,150 words
It's 1915, Europe is in the middle of the Great War. Omega Louis decides to join the Letter Home Project to become someone’s penfriend. Through this he meets a lovely soldier who hasn't got anyone else to send a letter to. Along with his letter, comes a picture of the most handsome alpha Louis has ever seen.
13) Catch Me If I Fall | Explicit | 47,099 words
Lovers when on the stage but bitter rivals as soon as they step off, Harry and Louis have butted heads from the moment they first met. Locked in a stalemate that they hope to ride out until graduation, things take a turn when Harry learns that Louis is hiding a secret.
14) As We Are | Explicit | 48,268 words
Louis doesn't think much when he's asked to meet up with the alpha of the pack two hours from his own - he figures it's business as usual. But Harry Styles is anything but usual.
15) Once Burnt, Twice Shy | Explicit | 52,644 words
Louis and Harry are polar opposites in every way. Where Louis is a bestselling author from the city, Harry is a small-town firefighter who’s never left his home. Where Louis is spontaneous and spirited, Harry is introverted and calm, never straying from routine. When an ill-fated accident and an exceptionally intelligent tabby bring them together, they are forced to confront their pasts and forge a better beginning for themselves. Will sparks fly, or will it all go up in flames?
16) Of Lost Things | Explicit | 57,890 words
Louis comes with a familiarity Harry has never felt with anyone else before. After their fateful meeting, their chemistry became undeniable, and soon after, Harry had felt like he hit the jackpot when it came to finding the person he would spend the rest of his life with. But all relationships come with their own unique problems, and Harry soon realizes that their relationship is no different. When their problems go from unordinary to nearly bizarre in nature, he takes it upon himself to find an answer to their troubles. What he stumbles upon are terrifying coincidences between his and Louis’ story, and the ill-fated mythological couple, Orpheus and Eury. But it’s all they are; just coincidences, ones that feel as frighteningly familiar as Louis. Except… what if none of this is a coincidence? What if everything Harry has always seen as fiction is true, and myth—or rather, history, is about to repeat itself?
17) Sink Into Your Sunlight | Explicit | 79,562 words
In the grand scheme of things Louis did believe in love, what he didn’t believe was that he would ever find it in his life time for himself. Low and behold he would find it with someone he didn’t anticipate, now it was just a matter of having it work out the way he dreamed of.
18) Invisible String | Explicit | 84,726 words
Louis swears on his life that that man came out of literal nowhere and he thanks each lucky star for having good breaks in his car. This strange alpha also happens to be the most beautiful being Louis has laid his eyes on. For some unknown reason, the omega feels safe around the alpha. It might seem strange, but you can't always explain why or how things are the way they are. All you can really be sure of is that they happen for a reason. There's a higher power (call it what you want) that knows better and definitely knows more than you do.
19) Wind Beneath My Wings | Explicit | 93,131 words
As an omega carer that works at a rescue and rehabilitation centre for feral alphas and omegas, Louis has experienced all sides of ferality. So Harry- a cold, near mute, non-receptive alpha- was a challenging case for everyone at Phoenix Rehab Centre. Louis wasn’t expecting to feel drawn towards an aloof Harry, or to form a slow bond with him. He certainly was not expecting for his entire life to change in unforeseen ways.
20) You Were My Because | Explicit | 109,089 words
Note: Please be sure to read the tags and any warnings.
Louis has battled the demons of his past for years now and has little hope of finding happiness for himself. Especially now that a school reunion is taking place and the memories of his school days are suddenly coming back with full force. But after rain always comes sunshine, in Louis’ case in the form of his old schoolmate Harry. A story about healing, friendship, finding trust and love.
21) Drops of Jupiter | Mature | 121,826 words
In a small, sleepy town ruled by prejudice, Louis Tomlinson runs his grandmothers shop for the occult. He finds comfort in his tarot cards, his friends, and a dog that he doesn't have room for. He thought the worst he'd have to deal with would be bigotry, until a new sheriff arrives with a headstrong little girl that's impossible not to fall in love with. But what happens when a string of break-ins leads to a brutal attack, and the towns' darling is murdered right under their Sunday hats? A murder that just so happens to bear the same modus operandi as similar homicides in neighbouring states. Has the killer been circling Virginia, or is he a local of Lavender Hills? And what will Louis do when the charming Sheriff Styles starts to suspect him of such a heinous crime?
22) Sewn Into You | Explicit | 167,485 words | Sequel
Harry Styles thinks soulmates are a fairytale, or in other words-a lie. He has no interest in entertaining anything that has anything to do with the very name that had been etched along his collarbone since his eighteenth birthday. Louis Tomlinson won't be answering to another alpha for the rest of his life if he can help it. Fuck happy endings, his soul mate can choke on it. Problem is, Harry needs a personal assistant to save his family's business, Louis needs the cash to officially move off of his childhood best-friend's couch. They can manage. Surely, nothing will go wrong.
Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.
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moonshynecybin · 8 months ago
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https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGemcDwPY/ Vale doing this to Marc a couple years down the line (when their relationship has been established, maybe they’re already engaged at this point, disgression) in the FCO AU because google calendar used to be that place that they had to share with the PR people from Honda/Yamaha and that Marc obviously loathed and obviously they no longer have access to them now and I don’t think that Valentino is like, enough of a nerd to do this, BUT, I think it could happen once and it would make Marc blush like a fool (he definitely takes a screencap of the invite just in case it ever disappears)
it’s literally like. okay we are past all of the #angst and headfirst into the reality of rosquez in a loving and committed and deeply horny relationship that has been well established at this point. several years post outing, post fake dating, post screamin and fighting and kissing in the rain, et cetera. they are sweet! they are in love! BUT. they are ALSO two of the busiest people on the planetttttttt. so it’s been. literally like three fucking weeks at this point since they’ve gotten more than a night alone together. agony. first it was a double header and then vale had sponsorship obligations and marc had a photo shoot and vale had to meet with one of the academy kids and then they BOTH had testing and like. it’s one thing to have lots of sexy fun sneaking around the paddock trying to find a spot that can lock long enough to fuck in between press conferences. it’s another when EVERYONE knows you guys are fucking and STILL the only time together you get outside of literally being unconscious is AT those same press conferences!!!! not fun!!!! not sexy!!!! (dani voice. can you two please stop playing footsie. jorge voice. marc that is in fact my foot. and my thigh.)
SO! what is a romantic little prankster to do when he wants to plan a fucking. at this point it feels like BIANNUAL date night with his favorite generational talented but unfortunately very busy twink ass boyfriend?? well if you’re vale, you hack his google calendar when he’s sleeping and you trick him. for funsies. he loves a scheme he loves a plan he loves a joke he loves a surprise !
so like. it’s post fucking media day at a race and marc is EXHAUSTED and all he wants to do is find vale and curl up in one of their ludicrously tricked out mobile homes and pass out with his nose pressed like. into vale’s armpit. and dream about merging their souls into one ephemeral but eternal being. typical marc stuff. and he’s almostttt out the door when his friendssistant (they ALL HAVE ONE !) jose tugs on his sleeve near the end of the day and is like. i’m sorry marc, but there’s one more thing… and he literally nearly CRIES. he hasn’t gotten dicked down in a FORTNIGHT it’s dire. it’s rough.
BUT! it also means that he doesn’t ask many questions. so when he gets led (easily) to whatever goofy ass elaborate rich people venue vale has chosen for date night (neither of them have changed clothes this so so essential to me… just both of them in khaki shorts so big they could legally be classified as parachutes. and new balances/vans. in the rich people venue.) he is SUPRISED ! and delighted… it’s perfect… vale sitting there eyes sparkling SO pleased to get one over on marc in the lovely little joyful way you get when you play a sweet little joke on your partner and is marc SO happy to get some alone time/attention just basking in it… like they LOVE each other… it’s the perfect night… and they do get papped (FCO AU is fundamentally about being famous and having no privacy i have to stick to the THEMES of my story) and they don’t even care!!! because the photos are them like. slow dancing and slightly tipsy pressed together… marc’s hands looped around vale’s neck… swaying… and the photos are kind of blurry but the smiles on their faces come through clear as day…
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folklore-girl · 11 months ago
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ek ladki bheegi bheegi bhaagi si — a short story
a/n: okok so i tried my best for you @androgynous-pavbhaji <3 since this is your secret santa gift? im so sorry for posting this so late, this was supposed to come out a long time ago.. but ig happy new year? hope you like this!
word count: 0.6k
warning(s): bad writing, cringe dialogues + a shitty asf story in general :( im so so sorry.
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raindrops splattered on the sidewalk as i hurriedly made my way to the bus stop, my clothes drenched from the downpour. my hands held up my handbag to shield my head from the rain and to try and deflect some heavy raindrops, but all in vain. for the millionth time, i cursed my stupid self for not carrying an umbrella, even though we were deep in winter, and there was no way I could’ve predicted this. i still should have.
and, to top it all, i was horribly late to my bus.
when i reached the bus stop a thousand years later, my shoes were soaked and my head was in an overdrive. i noticed a guy—probably my age—waiting at the stop too and decided i should probably wipe the mess off my face.
so, i took out my napkin, just to drop it on the ground like an absolute idiot. and as i bent to pick it up, the guy on the right offered me his napkin, in spotless white.
i was scared. not of the guy, but of ruining his napkin by using it. he saw me hesitate and said, “arey, it’s fine. i have spare.”
“pakka?” i asked, uncertainly.
“yup,” he said and i thanked him, smiling.
he smiled back. and i thought, wow. i guess men aren’t all bad, then.
i took the napkin from him and dabbed my face with it gently, still scared to damage it. when i was giving it back, he said “it’s ok, you can keep it.”
“you sure?” i asked again.
“yes!!” he laughed, “it’s alright, you know. i don’t bite.”
“no, but, i’m not used to all this,” i gestured with my hands and his eyebrows rose in confusion. “kindess?” i finished lamely.
“well then, you will be soon,” he winked and i looked away because i was in a loss of words.
meeting a decent man made me feel like i was in some other dimension, some dream where kind strangers were real and not a thing to read in tumblr posts and fawn over.
by now, my heartbeat had slowed down and my breaths were much less frantic, so we talked about our buses.
“oh, me too,” he smiled, “we’re both going to mumbai.”
“that’s nice,” i smiled as the bus approached the stop, “i bet the ride is gonna be fun.”
he smiled, “hopefully.”
we hauled up our luggage and sat in the bus, me in the window seat with him by my side.
we talked for almost the entire ride there, exchanging our names and talking shit about distant relatives (my lord, we had the same type of humour). and when we grew bored of talking, we both decided to do something else. he plugged in his earphones and i found out that i couldn’t find mine anywhere.
i looked out of the window and i could tell it was going to be a long road.
he noticed and offered to share his wired ones. feeling utterly helpless, i gave in.
later, we discovered that our music tastes were very similar and i soon found myself scooting closer to him as we listened to his playlist together.
by the time shuffle lead us to ‘i guess i’m in love’, i knew the feeling burning up in my chest, threatening to spill over. it was beautiful and warm, like sunlight filtering in through the curtains. like the first day of spring, my heart was blooming and after a long time, i felt the butterflies.
but it couldn’t be, could it?
i woke up to the sound of mumma calling my name. i’d fallen asleep with my head in my arms, crossed on the windowsill while rain poured outside and my chai grew colder with each passing minute. right next to it, my phone had just finished playing the song “ek ladki bheegi bhagi si” on my wired earphones and suddenly the surreal scenario in my head made sense.
i guess it was a dream, after all.
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xoxo
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aftgficrec · 1 year ago
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ah I'm so excited you're open!!! thank you for the ridiculous amount of work you all do 🙏ok, this might be too specific but any fics with an alternate take on Andrew and Neil's post-trk reunion? Andrew gets out of easthaven early, Neil leaves the Nest later, AU's, etc.? i think it's a really interesting point in their dynamic, and I'm a sucker for sober Andrew realizing someone was watching his back for once
Feeling a bit like a Bernie Sanders’ meme – ‘I am once again asking myself why I spent so much time on an ask,’ 😅 but it's because this is such an iconic and beloved scene for our fandom. For a super fun ‘live’ first-time reader reaction to this high drama, check out ‘The King’s Men, Chapter 1 – Hello Foxhole, My Old Friend’ by @nickireadstfc here. -A
also see
Andrew's POV of throwing keys off roof here
‘Come and Save Me From It’ here (completed)
‘Learning To Feel (When You've Forgotten How)’ and the fandom meta posts here
‘pipedream’ here
‘reaching for the heights’ here
‘Lost boy’ and ‘[Un]broken’ here
‘I Know You From A Nightmare,’ ‘The Marks We Make,’ and ‘Draw Me Out, Mark Me In’ here
‘Marked’ and ‘Soulmates who can feel each other’s pain’ here
‘Of Stars and Stories’ here
‘What’s normal now?’ here
long previous recs with reunion mention
‘No More Fucks To Give’ here (updated)
‘The Sphynx and the Hare’ here (completed)
‘corvus, vulpes, lupus’ here
‘never fallen (from quite this high)’ here
‘Not a Pipe Dream’ here
‘everything and nothing begins with you’ here
Andrew gets sober, Neil stays at Evermore
‘Oh Raven,’ ‘Jailbird,’ and ‘Take to the Wing’ here
‘Scared to Live (But I'm Scared to Die)’ here 
 ‘Comeback’ here
you may also like
Christmas at Evermore here plus song rec ‘Far From Home (The Raven)’ here
Proust here plus ‘if you really love nothing’ here
Neil’s a hallucination here
Andreil meet in Easthaven here
‘just a slow body’ here
‘Will you be there when I come back?’ here
‘Here With You’ here (complete)
‘i'm here right now (just be here right now with me)’ here 
‘We're All Stories In The End’ here
‘Spirits In My Head’ here 
‘Fold me in your palms’ here
‘The Raven Prince’ here
‘Thanks, Matty’ here
‘Lullaby’ here
Random Rec - Andrew Minyard playlists round up here
Just a Pipe Dream by loveroulettes [Rated T, 2781 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Summer 2021, Locked]
Andrew thought coming off drugs will get rid of all side-effects, so why is Neil still here? AKA the scene where Neil picks up the cigarette from the ground and smokes it, but from Andrew’s POV
tw: implied/referenced abuse
reckless/i like it by Willow_bird [Rated M, 27259 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2022]
One thing didn’t seem to have changed since getting off the drugs. One thing almost seemed to have gotten worse. ”The next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?” “If it means losing you, then no.” --- 5 times Andrew realized this something he had for Neil was, well, treacherous + 1 time he admitted (at least to himself) that he liked it
tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: kidnapping, tw: choking, tw: implied/referenced torture
In the rain by Lyndis [Rated G, 1147 Words, Complete, 2021]
Part 2 of Quick and Dirty, parts 3 and 15 here
Andrew is off his drugs for the first time in years. No one knows he is back from Easthaven and he just wants to see Neil.
Time Machine by Marquee [Rated G, 137 Words, Complete, 2023]
Part 4 of Aftg Poetry
Andrew wanting to kiss Neil on the roof, but he isn’t sure he should. But like a poem?? Yeah.
Tumblr Prompts by lipsstainedbloodred [Not Rated, Collection, 2018] 
Chapter 13: Page 12: What if Neil didn’t go with the monsters to pick up Andrew from Easthaven (Andreil) [T, 2434 Words] 
tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced sexual assault
his solace by orphan_account [Rated M, 2292 Words, Complete, 2016]
Andrew’s first thought of Neil Josten was ‘fake’. He was a boy who was clearly lying, clearly pretending to be something he wasn’t; or at least, something he didn’t want to be. Andrew’s next thought of Neil Josten was ‘dangerous’. He was too attractive for Andrew to ignore, whilst single-handedly being the biggest flight risk he’d ever met. Neil looked for exits everywhere he went, and Andrew hated him for it.
tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: violence
Silent Words by Jeni182 [Rated M, Collection, Complete, 2018]
Chapter 2: Colors [T] Andrew hates color. It’s part of the reason why he’s always in black. It’s just easier. The color doesn’t make his eyes hurt. He doesn’t have to think about shit matching. It deters people, a lot of times.
When You Were Young by SpookyMiscreant [Rated T, 1831 Words, Complete, 2017]
It starts when the monsters pick up Andrew from Easthaven. Andrew sits on the roof of Fox Tower and contemplates Neil Josten now that he's sober. Set to the background music of When You Were Young by The Killers.
tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied referenced child abuse and neglect
this hole you put in me (wasn't deep enough) by gaygoyle [Rated T, 3368 Words, Complete, 2023]
Neil blames himself for not doing more for Andrew while he's at Easthaven. So, Neil returns the one thing he knows even with his ban- Exy.
tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon
Shades of Sunset by darkbluebox [Rated T, 1885 Words, Complete, 2020]
Andrew is five years old, and he thinks orange is the most beautiful colour in the world. Twenty years in the life of Andrew Minyard.
tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced csa
Tell Me How You Hate Me by Killingmeslowly_24 [Rated T, 30532 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2023]
Next to Kevin sat a man who was roughly Neil-shaped, but that was where the similarities ended. Because Neil was brown hair, wide eyes, and a skittish demeanor. Neil was hidden smiles and questions and questions, so many goddamn questions, and- No. This wasn’t Neil. This man was a collage of bandages and bruises, hair bathed in flame. This man was a slack jaw and blue eyes, blue like ice, like an ocean, like drowning, too much like freedom for Andrew’s comfort. ... Or, The King's Men from Andrew's POV
tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: violence, tw: dissociation, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: depression, tw: blood, tw: panic attacks
Bury it deep down, keep it under your skin by All_for_the_andreil [Rated T, 2123 Words, Complete, 2023]
He only wants to jump off the roof half the time. He supposes that’s progress too. The other half he’s only thinking about it in theory. How many bones would he break? Would he die on impact, like his mother did, or would it take some time? Would he feel the pain, or would it be just pure shock? Would he laugh as he fell? -or- Andrew's life told in snippets
tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: canonical character death
Promptober 2023 by djinthehouse [Rated T, Collection, Updated Oct 2023]
Chapter 2: Falling into his reverse based on the song, The drug in me is you, by Falling in reverse
tw: referenced drug overdose, tw: canonical character death, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: psychological abuse, tw: gun violence, tw: murder
Chapter 4: Weak for the Boy This is based of the song, Weak by AJR it is kind of the opposite of Falling into his Reverse. 
tw: referenced nonconsensual drug use, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: blood, tw: psychological abuse
drop the game by Joana789 [Rated T, 1647 Words, Complete, 2017]
Then, the pills are gone. The buzzing in his veins is gone. The too-bright colors of the world are gone, everything back to its overwhelming dullness again. Neil Josten is, startlingly, still there.
tw: implied/referenced torture
but i’ll know, i’ll know by neilpipedreamjosten10 [Rated T, 2709 Words, Incomplete, Updated Nov 2023]
After Andrew comes back from Easthaven, Neil is missing, and Andrew is the only one who remembers who he is. But Neil never left Edgar Allen. *** This takes place during TKM, a what-if? fic where Andrew returns and finds that Neil was like a figment of his imagination, but now he has to save the runaway.
tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: referenced overdose, tw: referenced suicide, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: torture
Lost (I Don’t Want To Be) by Demiwitchwoodwalker [Rated T, 4564 Words, Complete, 2022]
Part 2 of Someone(s) To Stay 
Kevin didn't respond, couldn't, and he suspected Riko knew that as his next words oozed with some sort of satisfaction. "I thought I'd give you a bit of a heads up, as a… let's say Christmas present. Your precious Nathaniel's getting inked. It's a shame Jean already got three, it would've suited the little Wesninski."
tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: panic attacks
NB: kandrew/developing kandreil
meta
*tw: may include references to Andrew’s canon trauma and suicidal thoughts
Andrew's time at Easthaven meta by series author @korakos [Tumblr, 2015]
Neil didn’t make Andrew want to live. He gave Andrew a reason to give into that want. meta by @haletostilinski [Tumblr, 2016]
The Extraordinary Strength of Andrew Minyard meta by @imaginedmelody [Tumblr, 2016]
the drugs went away and neil was still the same meta by @miniyrds [Tumblr 2016]
after they pick Andrew up at Easthaven meta by @evil-diabolical-oops [Tumblr, 2016]
andrew hates neil meta by @kickfoxing [Tumblr, 2017]
can you imagine Andrew coming back from reliving weeks of abuse… meta by @boris-pavlikcvsky [Tumblr 2017]
Midnight Thoughts about Andreil meta by @saltierthanbottomofapretzelbag [Tumblr, 2018]
Was "If it means losing you, then no" the final nail in the coffin? meta by @blogaboutyafavbirdboys [Tumblr, 2019]
meta about andrew and caring and wanting things by @sinistercacophony [Tumblr, 2020]
thoughts/feelings/deeper meaning of the (rooftop keys/cigarette) scene? meta by @bloody-wonder [Tumblr, 2020]
andrew thinking that neil was just a side-effect of the drugs meta by @twirlingflurry, @buriedinbaltimore [Tumblr 2021]
how utterly, heartbreakingly sad it is that Andrew calls Neil a pipe dream meta by @fortheloveofexy [Tumblr, 2022]
“You were supposed to be a side-effect of the drugs” meta by @sepulchralblues [Tumblr, 2023]
he cannot be real, he has to be a hallucination meta by @neveranniething [Tumblr, 2023]
neil just gives andrew his bands and knives meta by @grooviestguru [Tumblr, 2023]
you may also like
in the dream I don't tell anyone (you put your head in my lap) by Fortheloveofexy [Rated T, 1850 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]
The real Neil would never allow this, would not let himself be this vulnerable. The real Neil can barely stand to be around him. Andrew knows this. But Dream Neil? Dream Neil is a different story.
Will you be there when I come back? by Shamman [Not Rated, 299 Words, Complete, 2017]
Andrew is trapped in Easthaven with an eidetic memory and tries to focus his thoughts on the confusing image of Neil Josten's face. -Because however terrible it may look, Andrew's current circumstances are much less pleasant. Furthermore Bee has been making him sing and play the guitar in a very therapeutic attempt to make him express some sort of actual emotion over the past year.
tw: violent imagery
You Gave Me A Key And Called It Home by glintchi [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2019]
Chapter 19: Yes, I Admit It, You Were Right [460 Words] Renee was waiting for him in the basement, fingers already taped, hair pulled back into a tuft of a rainbow ponytail.
Foxhole Tidbits by SpangleBangle [Collection Rated T/M, Updated  2018] 
Chapter 14: My Friend, O My Friend [M, 953 Words]  Prompt for Renee's reaction after Drake/Easthaven and Andrew's return.
tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: canonical character death
Did You Miss Me? by Deathandcommas [Rated G, 555 Words, Complete, 2023, Locked]
Aaron and Andrew have a late night chat after Andrew gets back from Easthaven.
tfw spoons by StrawBerryRains [Rated G, 216 Words, Complete, 2021]
Nicky offers Andrew ice cream when they arrive home from Easthaven.
A Taste of Your Own Medicine by caffeine_withdrawl [Rated M, 66454 Words, Incomplete, Updated March 2023]
Set after the infamous Thanksgiving, but then diverges from canon. Andrew and Bee decide it’s time for Andrew to come off the drugs, but works some magic so that he is allowed to do it in Columbia. Neil is tasked with helping him through it. They decide to do it the same way Andrew helped Aaron sober up, by locking him in a bathroom. Andrew doesn't react well, and switches between rage and panic. Andrew wonders if Neil is real or if he made him up because of the drugs.
tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: body horror, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: flashbacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: drug addiction, tw: withdrawal, tw: vomit, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: ptsd, tw: emotional abuse, tw: hallucinations
making it harder to breathe by Azure_Allumiia [Rated T, 1643 Words, Complete, 2021]
Christmas Break with the Foxes, featuring Andrew at Easthaven and Neil in Evermore. Foxes celebrate New Years in NYC with the ball drop.
tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: medical abuse, tw: torture, tw: blood
Dead Birds by Noah98 [Rated G, 1601 Words, Complete, 2021, Locked]
Neil just got back from Evermore and Andrew has returned from Easthaven. Riko calls. He wants a rematch and oh boy does he get it.
tw: violence, tw: blood/gore
Art
NB: just a sampling of art for this scene
“Feel Again” original song by @whatbutandreil [Tumblr, 2020]
Picking up Andrew from Easthaven part 1, part 2 comic by @coldcigarettes
andreil keys off the roof scene: animation by @hahanken | comic by @rainbowd00dles | comic by @lunapiq | art by @esklinray
I hate you comic by @thematicallycoherent
I’m not a hallucination art by @clumsyartish
Stick around long enough to figure it out for yourself. edit by @m1nyards
You are a pipe dream art by @viennemort
“you spend all this time watching our backs” edit by @matthcwboyd
not a hallucination a pipe dream art by @kryptidfox
“you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.” art by @planetmontressor
"Go inside and leave me alone." art by @dimsunstuff
“No, you’re a pipe dream.” art by @starkingdraws
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weirdstuffinthewoods · 6 months ago
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Music in I Saw the TV Glow
Possible spoilers ahead so read at your own discretion (I’m bad at determining how much information is too much)
I’m a firm believer that one of the most important facets of I Saw the TV Glow is its soundtrack. I don’t know if Schoenbrun has an uncanny ability to track down music that perfectly encapsulates the feeling of teenage ennui or if they’ve just got really great taste. Seeing this in a (mercifully silent) movie theater really let the soundtrack form an immersive layer around me, and the moment the first notes hit, I was 15 again. Unsure of myself, extroverted on the outside but barely connected to my insides, and feeling like I was just playing a role I’d molded from what I assumed people wanted of me. The dreamy, atmospheric chords that wound around soft lofi voices with only a guitar or a keyboard called to the part of me that wanted to connect but didn’t know how.
There’s something to be said about the order of songs on the soundtrack, although it’s been awhile since I listened to an official soundtrack that was a compilation rather than a score so maybe changing the track order isn’t as radical as it feels. For now, I’m just going to talk about a couple of songs, although I’m sure as I listen obsessively to the rest, I’ll have way more to talk about.
Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl by yeule
We start with the opening credits song that haunts my TikTok fyp, Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl. This is a cover of the original sung by Broken Social Scene. The original has a whisper quality- repeating lyrics over a simple acoustic melody with strings rising in the background as the refrain starts. It feels like a girls’ garage band of the grungy 90s, almost the vibe we need but not quite.
The covering artist, yeule, is a nonbinary Singaporean who is said to “…incorporate elements of ambient, glitch, and Asian post-pop…” (Wikipedia) which makes this version much better suited to an analog horror about 90s TV nostalgia. In yeule’s version, the same acoustic melody opens to a new beat made up of interchanging robotic and static tones, while in the background, strings wait for their chance to swell in the space between the verse and refrain. It sounds like an android is slowly waking up to be this jaded pop singer who’s just existing at this point, not living. The lyrics are the same as the original, and speak of someone that’s changed, either the singer or maybe a friend that left them behind.
You used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.
Now you’re all gone, got your makeup on and you’re not coming back.
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talkin’ trash under your breath.
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.
In the context of the film, it feels like the crisis of identity both main characters face. This isn’t my home, you’re not my dad. The memories don’t feel like they’re yours, they belong to someone else. You’re different now, but also you know you were different then, and you’re only different now because you’re hiding in a disguise you hate. And, at least in Owen’s case (depending on your interpretation of the film’s ending), you’re not coming back. You’ll just dream about the person you know you are because you’re too far into the mask to find them again.
The bass joins in on the refrain and the ambience grows with glitch noises interspersed throughout. A strange sort of beauty begins to show and blooms when the drums kick into the chorus. You’re a teen again. It’s raining, you’re like Owen in the car, stretched across the backseat and staring at the ceiling, full of a feeling you can’t name that’s so much more than just being bored.
On TikTok, this song has become associated with a trend of kids, all much younger than me, sharing their stories of transness that was rejected by the people in their lives. A lot of them have detransitioned for safety and comfort, what little they can find by pretending it was a phase. It’s what drew me to this film, because the piece reflected their state of just physically existing in a world they don’t feel is theirs. For a lot of them, this film gave them hope or gave them new determination to make space for themselves, and I love that about it.
Another Season by Frances Quinlan
Immediately after this, we jump to the closing credits song that plays to a theater full of sobbing patrons who got it and laughing patrons who didn’t, Another Season. The jump is jarring, especially when you’re driving away from the theater in a throat-closing rush of tears (ie: me) and you’re brought straight from the introduction of this neon haze that is the suburbs to this fuzzy, pink screen that watches you come to terms with what you’ve just seen. The static breaks to silence except for a soft, melancholy acoustic melody. A soft voice speaks as if to a friend, and the chorus repeats, “If this isn’t over, what else could take shape? How will you remember it?” In the moment, especially post-there is still time, it feels like a call to action as you leave the theater crying. What could happen next? How are you going to remember your life? There are definitely multiple interpretations to this film, but I wanted to feel hope at the end, so for me, putting this song over the credits felt like Jane saying, “yes, it’s scary, and I’m leaving you to wonder what happened to Owen, but what we aren’t going to do is wonder what’s going to happen to you because there is still time.”
There’s so much more to look at in the choice of music and its juxtaposition with the visuals, but I’m going to leave this here for now with the opening and closing. Suffice to say, go see this movie. Support indie film, make the journey, it’ll be worth it if this resonated with you (but also why did you read this?? I’m sure there’s at least one mild spoiler in here).
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thgfanfictionlibrary · 9 months ago
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Teen and Up Rated Fics Masterlist (13)
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 /
Created: January 28th, 2024
Last Checked:—-
All's Fair-wineredroseblossoms (ao3) Summary: “I dream of you,” he said, his voice husky and desperate. Somehow, the space between them had shrunk to nearly nothing. He was so close he could smell her scent: honeysuckle and soap. It was intoxicating, maddening. His lips grazed the shell of her ear as he murmured. “I dream of you, and such dreams as I would never speak of to a soul, save … save for the woman who inhabits them.”
but the rain is always gonna come (if you’re standing with me)-starryprose (ao3) Summary: Katniss, Peeta, and the rain. Based off the prompt “One character is caught in the rain someplace & they are contemplating what to do when their partner comes running out of nowhere with an umbrella & they go home together.”
Christmas Wish-burkygirl (ao3) Summary: Katniss has only one chance to be able to give Prim the Christmas she deserves, a talent contest sponsored by the local radio station. Still grieving over the recent death of his father, Peeta is spending a quiet day in the bakery when a bittersweet Christmas song drifts over the radio, stirring up a longing for his lost love. This songfic is a one-shot from the Flying Solo universe, inspired by Michael Buble’s cover of All I Want for Christmas is You.
Come Morning Light-crazyundeadfairy (ff.net) Summary: A very AU take on Peeta's rescue in Mockingjay.
Happy Birthday Peeta (Perfect)-endlessnightlock (ao3) Summary: Jrosely requested a surprise party for Peeta. Katniss and Peeta have been best friends since they were little, and on Peeta's birthday things change between the two.
If We Met Up at Midnight-Mollywog (ao3) Summary: Had the messenger arrived a day earlier, he would have been greeted by a yellow flag above our door, and had to turn back, summons undelivered. The odds, however, are not in my favor.
Impressive-burkygirl (ao3) Summary: A prequel to The One, in response to the prompt: “Well that’s the single most impressive thing I’ve ever seen someone do.”
Longest Night-LastLeaf (ao3) Summary: I know it's him without even having to turn around, though I'm still shocked he's here. Peeta Mellark isn't exactly the type to slum it in the Seam. But here he is, bundled up in a long, dark wool coat with large buttons down the front, a fine maroon scarf snugly knotted at his throat. I don't see Peeta outside the bakery very often, but every once in awhile I might run into him at the public market in Town. When that happens, he'll give me a lopsided grin and a friendly “Hey, stranger,” but, even though we've gotten to know each other a little bit in the past year or so, we rarely talk about anything personal. On the night of the Winter Solstice, Katniss finds a way to help Peeta Mellark.
On the First day of Christmas…-oakfarmer (ao3) Summary: District 7's tradition of 'Christmas' has spread to the post war District 12. Peeta tries to help Katniss embrace these new strange customs. Hoping a few of them may bring his true love some cheer during the winter season.
Side Project-Ronja (ao3) Summary: A collection of scenes written for "the Project", but removed for various reasons - usually pacing and for sheer length. Not necessarily compliant anymore with the rest of the story.
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wellntruly · 1 year ago
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Blogging, vol. v
I’m having surgery tomorrow. Why this is always happening in November is beyond me, but it sure is an aesthetically kind month to not work and be extra-grade cozy in soft knits, sipping soups, while outside it rains grey on amber.
Unlike my gum surgery last year, this one I had no idea was coming for me, and the weeks getting up to the point of finally knowing what was going to happen were, not to exaggerate, not good. It's odd that it's better now, since it was indeed something you don't want to find. But then you can start to process. Process, process.
I actually tend to do quite well with surgery, both as a concept and a thing to heal from, even before I spent my recovery from the previous one watching a 50 year old TV show about surgeons. I find the kind of pain engendered by things you need stitches about to be quite reasonable mentally; it hurts, it hurts there, for this reason, you have pills to dull it, and it will gradually heal. Simply “feeling sick,” or worst of all nauseous, that’s what can make me wonder what it’s all even for. Miserable, derogatory.
So the fact that it really seems a predominantly surgical approach is going to be most of what we need to take care of this problem has me almost overwhelmed with gratitude. It could have been far, far worse for me. But I have all the most treatable metrics for this, even being rather young for it has the silver lining of meaning I should heal well. And I’m so lucky to have a warm, funny, exceptionally skilled surgeon who actually went through the same thing when she was also my age, and that honestly, I’ve absolutely the Edward Gorey illustration body type to probably even end up looking pretty chic going down to just a bit of an A cup, which is what she's going to be able to do, not to bury the lede. Surprise top surgery, is what I’ve been calling it, and thank you to the boys for the re-contextualizing dream that is the phrase ‘top surgery’, a concept of such positivity; life-affirming, life-saving.
It is a strange, swift-approaching change to reckon with though, impossible to avoid that. I've always tended to dress as if I don’t even have the actually, admittedly, great boobs that I've had up til now, but it is still the body I know. I’ll roll onto my stomach in bed and think, for one that I soon won’t be doing this at all again for a while, and that when I do, it’s going to feel different. Fascinating to consider.
I'm leaning into a sort of Orlando-like curiosity about it, this vague physical transformation just spontaneously befalling me in my adulthood. How will this be. What sort of opportunities might this actually grant. I’ll be endeavoring to hardly ever wear a bra again, I’ll tell you that for certain. Should I use this as the push to finally get a bespoke suit, soft and wide-legged, with a jacket that can fall in just a clean draped line from my shoulders? Will I be able to wear suspenders? I think about watching Margaret Qualley in The Stars At Noon this summer, how I watched her just drop a loose sundress over her bare body, entirely backless, and walk out the door. I think, of course, of "Keira Knightley Atonement," as my inspiration board folder is called.
I’ve also been thinking about this blog, what I think Tumblr user sashayed once called her secret public journal. Sometimes what I or others will post can break into the very real & personal, like this, for the benefit that comes from just releasing, sharing the large challenging things in our lives. I think about a long-time mutual who posted about some of the strangeness she felt during hospitalization for an accident, how recalling some of what she wrote about has brought me a feeling of solidarity in this.
But there’s also how I’ve actually been blogging about this for weeks and weeks, it’s just only been for me. Another kind of secret public journal. This butterfly coming out of a row of cocoons in a window: this was for how I was, fully insanely yes, watching A Zed & Two Noughts while I was wracked with anxiety over what might be going on with my body, but/and the idea of emerging after this surgery new and striking and light. This is self-explanatory. This tiny-chested witch vaulting skulls is “literally me” goals this time next October. This was actually exactly, exactly my vibe getting my biopsy, with the sweetest nurses.
And now at last it all comes together, the public and private journal, on the eve of really what we’re all waiting for, oh god me for sure: the return of painkiller diaries. Painkiller diaries is a lifestyle, actually, it’s an ethos. I let myself so wholly rest after my gum surgery last year that the rest of November was the happiest I’d been in years. Please, again. Return to cashmere convalescence. And would you look at this beautiful soup sippin' mug I’ve gotten since then:
Tumblr media
Oh I think we’re ready.
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ifonlyicouldcosplay · 2 years ago
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A Nightmarish Dream
note:Fem!reader x Lilia Vanrouge, didn’t check spelling or grammar, title in the works. I haven’t posted a story for public viewing before, so we’ll just see how this goes. I’ll post this on AO3 as well. Reader is an adult and will do adult things, but I’m not planning on including anything explicit.
****************************************************************
The sky held a cold, grey hue to it, as was the norm within Briar Valley. However, it had been worse after the death of both King and Queen Draconia. Maleficia became reigning queen once again after their deaths, accompanied by fierce storms fueled by her frustration and grief. Years have passed since that day and so had the storms. The raven outside was certain if Her Majesty wasn't so preoccupied with running a war-engaged kingdom, it would be pelted with sharp drops of rain and blown about amongst wrathful gales. For what seemed like the hundreth time, it smacked its beak against the window of Maleficia's study once more, trying to get her attention to open the window. Letting out another angry squak seemed to finally do the trick as she glanced over in towards the raven. With a wry smile and a graceful flick of the wrist, the window opened inward for it to hop in. With another squak, it hopped from the windowsill into the study. Black as night smoke whirled around the raven's form and extended upwards. Once the smoked cleared, (Y/N) stood there in her usual, fae form. A long dress of black and silver adorned on her body.
"I know I'm your Lady-in-Waiting, but you took that title rather seriously. I was trying to get your attention for so long." She joked, turning slightly to close the window once more. Maleficia let out a tired breath, "My apologies, (Y/N)." She spoke, looking back at the parchments laid throughout her desk, "I was just going over the final arrangements of adjusting the chain of command within my army." That seemed to interest (Y/N) as she walked over and picked up what looked to be the letter Maleficia had been looking over, gaining her a small look of annoyance, "Ah, did you finally decide on a new general?" She asked, her eyes bouncing about the letter, which seemed to be a letter of acceptance from the sender. "Wait, (Y/N), it-" "Ah! Vanrouge?! Really?!" (Y/N) inturrupted the queen with her own annoyance, causing the queen to close her eyes and take a breath, "Yes, (Y/N). Lilia Vanrouge." "But he's so young! And arrogant, and completely obnoxious! You know last time I was checking on our troops on the eastern front, he flicked a berry at me while I was flying by! I'm sure I still have the mark to prove it!" She ranted, patting her back side, where the launched berry had hit her butt, "Do you know that almost knocked me to the ground? That hurt!" The queen looked at her, "He is not much younger than you, my dear." She stated, then gave (Y/N) a knowing look, "Didn't you turn his hair completely pink the time you saw him before that? What brought this feud on, anyway?" The Queen asked, mood somewhat improved since earlier. (Y/N) narrowed her eyes in thought, "Like I said, hes arrogant. He has one of those faces that just..." The more the queen watched her, waiting for an answer, the harder it was for (Y/N) to voice her thoughts on the bat fae, "...He picks his nose in public." She blurted out. With that response, the Queen let out a small laugh at her lady in waiting and closest friend. (Y/N) had the faintish hint of a blush on her cheeks and pointed ears. Despite being a mother now, (Y/N) could still act like a child sometimes. Maleficia found the trait to be endearing. No matter. She was sure her friend would come to a truce with Lilia in time. 
"Well, Vanrouge will be arriving on the morrow. I want him training the troops we have here." She opened her eyes, looking directly into (Y/N)'s (color) ones, "That includes your son." "I don't want him anywhere near my son." She mumbled. The last thing she wanted was Lilia's behavior rubbing off on him. "(Y/N), you've seen Vanrouge on the battlefield. I think he would be the best person to train them. I would think you would want Wyot trained by the best." After a moment, (Y/N) responded, knowing she was right, "Of course I do...that doesn't mean I still don't think Vanrouge is one of the most annoying beings in Twisted Wonderland."
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kalique-abrasaxx · 1 month ago
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I wish I could articulate how much this Warriors album is a dream come true for me because my mom showed me the original when I was like 12 or 13 maybe? And just this year we were rewatching it and I realized that the Lizzies scene definitely Awakened something in me. I even said out loud "I'd watch a whole movie about the Lizzies, I want to see more about the all-girl gang" and to receive an all-female Warriors cast in this new version is just 😗🤌
But anyway I saw a post about Rembrandt being gay and I wanted to ramble about OG Rembrandt and the Lizzies and queerness so if you're interested in that >
Something about that sequence from the movie really imprinted in my brain bc it is a honey trap and the Lizzies are villains so all the markers of their queerness are portrayed as sinister, but the subtext of the scene is basically "gay people Know each other, and they can recognise each other in ways that straight people don't" which...to a bi teen who didn't know I was bi yet? Wild
Rembrandt was little me's immediate favorite for all the traits that now could be read as queer. He's the youngest (an interesting change that they explicitly made Fox the youngest in the album), he's the artist, he's soft and sensitive in a way the other Warriors aren't. And the rest of the gang accepts this; they're all protective and gentle and kind to him, even Ajax. In short, he's baby and I love him.
For all the new fans (so excited for you!!) who haven't seen it, in the original movie Rembrandt is reluctant to follow the Lizzies but he goes along with the rest, just like in the album. Even walking up to their apartment he's treated differently from the jump- in the scene it's raining, and while the other Warriors are holding the umbrellas to share with the Lizzies, it's the Lizzies holding an umbrella over Rembrandt. It's a really small detail and it could be read either as infantilizing or feminizing, but it definitely shows that they see and treat him differently.
Once they get up to their apartment he's the only one who stays wary, and this is heavily implied that it's because he's *immune* to them. Since he's not so easily distracted he and we through his POV notice some...things. Like how the women engaging directly with the Warriors are all femme but the ones sitting around the edges are more masc. And while the Warriors are distracted making out with their chosen partners, Rembrandt watches two of the Lizzies dance with each other. You can tell that it's not titillating for him the way it would be to other men (and me lmao).
I just really loved the weaponized femininity of it all, the way your stomach drops like you're on a roller coaster when they bolt the door and you know that Rembrandt was right to be on high alert, that shit is about to go down. They translate this so beautifully in the album with the way We Got You (Reprise) has that sudden tone change. That "So you're the Warriors" still raises the hair on my arms even after 10+ listens, this album is SO GOOD you guys I can't even stand it😭😭
And last thing, it really just amazes me how we went from that single scene of villainized queerness which resonated with me in ways I couldn't really understand at the time to a reimagined piece of the same media that showcases this beautiful found family of female friendships and a lesbian romance front and center. All that to say, sometimes adaptations are necessary and good, and I can't remember the last time I was so satisfied by a remake of something I already loved so much in its original form.
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originalwinnercheesecake · 2 years ago
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The Owl House Watching and Dreaming Analysis. (Spoilers)
Its over. Its been around 3 years and now its over. Well like Luz says its time for a new chapter now. The majority of my tag is posts about the owl house, and now I have to find a new thing to post on. I like Molly Magee, but so far not enough to spend hours typing out analysis and theories. I got into Ducktales 2 years late and, it has me going through Disney plus to find more shows about the wacky highjinks of the duck family, so if that corner of the Disney fandom is still alive maybe I will pop in their from time to time. I also happen to like a few live action shows.
But before that I want to close out the owl house with 1 (possibly a coupe more posts). This one is my recount and review of the Owl Houses final episode, and will focus on the families and connections at the end, as I feel they were the most important part of the episode, Warning long post and spoilers below.
I will start off with talking about Meeting Kings father and what we learned about Titans. We have comfirmation now that Titans do not have spouces/mates and reproduce Asexually. King’s dad did not object to being refered to as Dad, but was term wise both his dad and mom. Two things: 1 does this mean King (who doesn’t need labels right now because he is only 8) will grow up to be aroace, like Lilith? 2 this is confirmation that he will still be able to become a parent 1 day, which I am glad about, because we know he will outlive Eda, Lilith, and Luz and this way we know he will still be able to have a family again after they pass on. Also we now have confirmation that the baby titan skulls in the trapers room were kings brothers and sisters. Were the Full grown ones his oldest siblings or were they his dad’s siblings. Also the owl beast. I knew it...they? Were a titan, and that were were probably the last living one Bill mentioned since king as an egg couldn’t cry or run, and was still being hidden. At first I thought they might be his parent, but it looks like they are actually either his older sibling or his aunt/uncle... They are still inside his mom and aunt, so they are a part of his life.
So now on to King’s Dad as a parent. Because the Titans heart was still beating he actually was not completely gone. His spirit was alive in the in between realms and was watching over King, is shown to be delighted that his son found such a nice family to raise him, and is confirmed to have had a bit of a hand guiding Luz in how quickly she learned glyphs and wild magic. This all feels like methaphors for Heaven and Guardian Angels. I do not know what Dana belives or if she belives in anything. She certainly hasn’t been shy about making metaphors to the bad parts of religon/christianity. But i am glad she also made these refrences loving and positive. They can be comforting to those that have lost loved ones.
Now on to the Collector. First the older collectors aren’t his gaurdians, they are his older siblings. From their point of view the war between titans and collectors was just them being mean and breaking their baby brothers toys. Okay, they are jerks, and it was a horrible thing to do, but okay the show didn’t go full on SU diamonds parasitic route. This makes me feel a bit better about how our collectors arc ended. King’s family and He forgave each other and are good friends, the collector is confirmed to come visit them from time to time, but he went back to the Star’s to finish growing up. His siblings better feel bad about him having been stuck in thousand year time out because of them, and better leave his new friends alone now. Him going back was one of the three options I felt were possible and while not perfect I genuienly do think it was the best one. The collector was ultimelty to powerful to live on the isles full time without hurting someone, and with all the repairs and rebuilding needed to be done Eda and Raine did not have the time needed to watch him as much as he needed.
No lets go on To Luz. She moved back to the Human realm to live with her mother and sister, and graduate from earth school in graves field. It also looks like Camila was able to eventually forge the documents needed to adopt Vee in the human realm and send her to school with Luz. But we can see that a permenent portal was opened at the old house (how can Camila afford two houses on her single parent vetenairy income? Did she pay in snails and the seller think she had gold?). Luz, Camilia, and eventually Vee (wonder how long that took) made visitations to the demon realm. Luz had the option to chose which realm she wanted to live in once she grew up. It also looks like Eda got upgraded from being Luz’s temporary host parent to being like a God mothe rto her. Camila will always be Luz’s real mother, but Eda still getting to stay in their lives as support is for the best. Camilia and Luz went through so much when Manny died and they were struggling to deal with it by themsleves. I said in an earlier post that I believe the owl house to ultimately be about finding a community that is suportive of you. Camila, Luz, and Vee did not have that before, but they do now.
Now on to Hunter. So the final hints very strongly that he was adopted by Darius, not Camila, and not Eda (who FYI had no positive interactions with Hunter and should not have been considered as heavily as she was by fans). This again makes the most sense. While watchig Thanks to them when Hunter is mentioned to be happy and doing well in the human world I was like “Alright the story still works great if Hunter becomes Hunter Noceda. Darius can just be a mentor to him if he goes back to the iles in summers”. But then when he described the life he wanted at the end of the episode I was confused because everything he said was things he could only do in the demon realm. He wanted to go back perminently. I doubt Camila will ever want to fully live in the demon realm, Luz did probably need to live in both worlds until she was an adult to fully make a fair choice, and you know it took months/years for Vee to step foot there. I still hope Camila got to be Hunters God mom or was in his life as a surogate Aunt. Hey Darius and Eberwolf are implied to have become like Police officers, dedicated to stoping suporters of Belos’s system fromt trying to reinstate it. It thoretically could have been possible that they would be away for stretches and Hunter would need another adult to stay with some of the time.
Reminder of what Darius and Hunter’s relationship was like since a lot of it had to develop off screen. Darius and Hunter are strongly hinted to have started spending more time together post ASIAS, by Hollow Minds Darius had grown so fond of Hunter that he was ready to abort his cover to help him. When Hunter ran away from the EC Darius is confirmed to have tracked him down to ensure he was safe, and Hunter was comfortable leaving his hiding place to go on a mission Darius gave him (protect Luz while she went to break Amity out of the manor). Hunter was very worried/scared when he saw Darius on the stage at the Day of Unity. Also while Hunter did not put Darius’s picture on the wall he started sewing every piece of fabric he could find in the Noceda’s basement and would talk about how this was something he practiced with Darius. So he clearly missed him, but I do not think he realized how much Darius and Eberwolf missed HIM until they came looking for him after waking up. On the subject of Eberwolf and Hunter, I have seen the headcannon that Eberwolf calls Hunter pup/cub but can we as a fandom please come up with a term Hunter uses for Eberwolf. there is no way they call each other “Uncle” and “Nephew”. Those are definitly trigger word for Hunter.
Also the Blue bird Palisman Hunter eventually carved himself. I am glad its a bird, because Hunter had Palisman as therapy/support animals and birds were the animal he was most comfortable with. I want to name his new bird Bananas. Since Bananas, like Flapjacks, were a human food he was unfirmilar with in the demon realm. I am also so glad that show let him grieve Flapjack and take his time before getting a new palisman. Flapjack was Hunters biggest support during his darkest time and I was so afraid that they would trivialize his lose due to the shortened season. But no not only did they give him a grave that got visitited, not only did Hunter get a tattoo of Flapjack, but so did Willow and Luz, maybe Gus and Amity as well. Flapjack was so loved and so missed, as he should be.
 On to Alador x Darius. I ship the couple but I am so glad how it was handled, with them basically being confirmed to not get together for another 3-4 years. As cute as their dynamic is, it would have been extstreamly problamatic for them to get together soon after the battle with Belos. Alador was just getting out of a long, abusive, marriage. While we do not get a chance to fully explore Darius’s character and what caused him to close himself off from his old friends, we know he was working through some things and closing a chapter on a mission that had been a big focus f his life. Not to mention that both men had teenagrs who had been tramatized and needed/deserved to be their dad’s full focus for the time being. So for that I am glad we did not get the Blight-Deammone step family.
One kinda nice twist was that Alador decided he wanted to build medical machines and Emira was the child that ended up working with him. Emira was the child who seemed to have the least in common with Alador so I liked that they eventualy had something they could do together. A stranger surprise was Amity and Lilith’s reunion, and the strong hints that they started working together again and bonded. Dana dropped them being Mentor and protage like a hot potato after Covention day and was quick to post that they were never close/did not like each other when asked. So its kinda strange that she suddenly had them start caring and tried to portray Lilith as a strong female figure in Amity’s life after her seperating completely from Odalia. This is the big thing I feel should have been either explored more or dropped.
Lastly reagrding the end credits; I am upset that for how many clips we saw of both Steve and Matt towards the end we did not get a single on of them reuniting or together. Come on Show Why. That said I love the jobs they were shown to have afterwards. I expected Steve to maybe get an internship/assistant job at the museum with Lilith, since they were such good friends. Seeing him, still friends with Lilith, but also with the Catt’s and working to rehabilitate other coven scouts was so much better. And finding out that Matt became a hotshot architectural designer on the isles is just perfect. Also I spent 3/4ths of the End credits going “Where is Gus. Do not leave him out of this time jump”. Then I find out he graduated early and was teaching students about the human realm at Eda, Raine, and Lilith’s new university. The little genius. They’re is no confirmation that he and Matt ever got together, but Oh well. Maybe they did and are just not into PDA? maybe did and broke up/were on a break? Maybe they only ever stayed friends? It was my second favorite ship (besides Lumity) but if it didn’t happen that’s okay.
All in All this was the owl house final. It was exciting, intense, it tied up lose ends,and gave our charcters ends that while not perfect, where the best they could have been. Good job Dana. Good Job Owl House Crew. Thank you for the show. Its helped me a lot with getting through the past 3 years.
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thatlifebloodvessel · 2 months ago
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ABOUT ME
Who Am I?
Names/Nicknames: Most people refer to me as Lifeblood, but I'm okay with being called Ves or Mothy as well!
Pronouns: I'm okay with any pronouns!! (Though I have a slight preference for She/Her)
What Do I Do?
I have been teaching myself pixel art for four years ever since June 2020! I mainly draw bugs of sorts, mostly moths! I have also gotten a bit in to game programing, I love exploring the ins and outs of what makes a game truly shine! Other than that, I have been working up to one day start a small webcomic that uses a pixel art style, I've rarely seen this done, and would love to see it more!!
What Are My Current Interests?
In Stars and Time
Hollow Knight
Bug Fables
Bugs in general (Mostly moths)
Sky: Children of the Light
Your Only Move is Hustle
Rain World
(More under the cut :3 )
What Do I Use?
Aseprite: for pixel art. (With most of my plugins made by CarbsCode, Aseprite Record Plugin for timelapses by Sprngr, and Wild Night Theme by WildLeoKnight)
Krita: For non-pixel related digital art!
Commonly used color palettes: Rosy42 and Journey by pinetreepizza, and the NES Palette.
Fonts: m3x6 by Daniel Linssen, and VCR OSD Mono by Riciery Leal.
Godot Game Engine: for programming.
Common Tags?
#lifeblood rebugs: Reblog tag
#lifeblood arts: Art tag
#lifeblood rambles: Basically any post of mine that isn't art
#oc:[NAME] : tag for any of my OCs (e.g #oc:rose)
#strawpage saturday: I post any gimmicks I get on my Strawpage every saturday
Who Are My OCs?
Rose (She/Her): Anxious little rosy maple moth wearing a sunhat
The Lamplighter (They/Them): A quiet moth entrusted with responsibility of being 'the chosen one' and having to bring back light to a world shrouded in darkness. They hate it.
Chimere (She/Her): A luna moth who is visited by a strange, mysterious teacher from the depths of her dreams.
Loam (They/Them, Refers to themselves as We/Us): Hollow Knight OC, A collective of lifeseeds piloting the discarded mask and cloak of a vessel.
Maria (She/They): Bug Fables OC, cheeky merchant who steals from others to stock her own shelves
Maggie (She/They): Sky: CoTL OC, a stubborn, bird-like skykid who travels the world in search of their siblings who were split apart when the Eye of Eden first shattered.
Do I Take Commissions?
Not yet! But it's something that I do plan on doing some time in the future! Feel free to let me know if that's something you would be interested in! In the meantime, feel free to send in requests in my askbox! I may or may not do them.
Where Else Can You Find Me?
thatlifebloodvessel on Discord (Im mostly in the ISAT Server)
My Steam profile
My ArtFight profile
My Strawpage site
... More to come???
Other Blogs That I Run.
@where-is-odile-isat: Where I put Odile from In Stars and Time in random ass places.
Cool People You Should Check Out!!
WhiteVault: The pixel artist and game dev who helped to shape me in to the artist I am today, and a gosh darn charmer!
CupOhJoe: Another great pixel artist that I watch!
Iridaze: Cozy Sky: CoTL streamer, I am often lurking in her streams when I have the chance to.
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