#we are all adults i fear we all must be able to look past ‘let people enjoy things’ and be able to face valid criteria

[mountaingoblinn]

I think it’s important to face fair and civil (emphasis on civil) criteria about the media you consume!!! This “let people enjoy things” shit has to have fuckin limits!!! Esp if consuming/ enjoying that media gives someone more money (even the minuscule amount of money from streaming/buying tix to her concerts)to destroy the environment in ways 98% of humans never will be able to even if they lacked the moral compass to do so!!! Esp when there are other ways to enjoy her!!!! I like a fair amount of her songs but i bootleg them bc even though there is NO ethical consumption under capitalism i feel like we all have to try our fuckin hardest to not contribute to unethical people. Im all for “letting people like things” and “letting people enjoy things” enjoy her music!!! Im never gonna tell ya not to!!! I enjoy it deeply!!!and im never gonna claim that i am the most ethical perfect person who Only Does Good Things!!!But you can enjoy her music while not giving her money to then be used to completely and utterly fuck the environment in monumentally huge ways AND you can enjoy her music while being able to receive fair criticism if YOU are the one who brought it up, id never just blurt out my distaste for things,its not my prerogative, and believe me i hate when people just bitch and moan about her unprompted for the most part. but if you are bringing up taylor swift or any celebrity or media you can consume, you should be able to, as an adult, face valid criticism. Also of course when im talking about the validity of the criticism when it comes to taylor swift i DO NOT mean any of the plethora of “she’s untalented” “shes annoying” or any sexist comments. She is a hot button topic right now but i do feel like a lot of the “let people enjoy things” folks who say that in regards to taylor swift refuse to acknowledge that by supporting her you are fucking up the environment.

Links for sources on her absolute fucking shithead behavior towards the environment;

"i don't like taylor sw-" WOMP WOMP‼️

[salty-autistic-writer]

Whumptober 2024 Day 16: Wound Cleaning

Title: Let Me Kiss It Better (AO3)

Summary: Buck has an accident at home. Tommy cleans his wound.

~

“Ouch.“ Buck flinched.

“You have to hold still, babe,” Tommy mutters, his brows furrowed in concentration and perspiration gleaming on his forehead. He’s holding Buck’s hand with the palm turned upwards, pulling tiny sparkling glass pieces out of the skin and flesh with small sanitized tweezers.

“I’m sorry. Why do I have to be such a clutz,” Buck sighs, looking away and swallowing. Of course, he had to get his hand completely messed up while trying to install a light bulb. It didn’t only shatter, it exploded and pierced his flesh with what seemed to be like thousand pieces so tiny they could barely see them. Tommy put his glasses on which he only uses if he has to read small letters and Buck is holding a flashlight with a very bright white light and they still struggle to find them all. They must have been at it for an hour now …

“Don’t be so mean to yourself. Accidents happen,” Tommy says calmly, dropping another piece of glass into the bowl he’s balancing on his knee.

“There have been a lot of accidents lately,” Buck points out, his face burning when he remembers how he tripped on a towel and managed to bump his head on the edge of the sink, shocking the hell out of them both. Or when he fell out of bed while they were making out. His back hurt for days after that, reminding him that he’s only getting older.

“Well. Remember you’re not the only one having accidents,” Tommy reminds him with a lopsided smile. “And now that you have moved in, we can at least help each other fast. But we should be a little bit more careful. If we both have an accident together, we might have to call 911…”

That makes Buck chuckle. He also feels warmth spreading in his chest. Yes. He moved in. He was a little nervous about it, he’s not going to lie. Because he couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if Tommy finally decided that Buck was too much when he had him around all the time? What if Buck would be too clingy or too rambly or too everything? What if would be too annoying or would constantly forget about something important and misplace Tommy's things? He was nervous. But Tommy managed to make him feel less anxous. Right at the start, Tommy had Buck sit down on the couch and tell him a few things about himself. A few things that, as Tommy put it, freaked other people out in the past. Enough to make them leave or laugh or, worse, be mean about it.

“I feel comfortable enough with you to trust you with this,” Tommy explained. “But you have to be honest with me. Because if any of this bothers you, you … you have to tell me immediately instead of making me think that this can work only to … to move out again, you understand?” 

Buck swallowed. His chest clenched because Tommy looked … scared. He nodded. “I understand.” Tommy continued. “Okay. I’m going to be as direct as possible. I’m having nightmares. On the regular. They are bad. Bad enough to make me talk or scream. Sometimes, I even sleepwalk. I also have some habits that might seem strange to you. There are … some kinds of food I can’t eat or can’t smell. As a child, I was forced to eat them anyway. But as an adult, I can make decisions for myself and you have to accept that I’m not cooking or eating certain things. Also, there might be times when my social battery runs out and I have to be alone. It’s not personal. It’s not because of you. It just happens and I’m going to be quiet and withdrawn.”

He stops, taking a deep breath. “That’s it.”

“Okay,” Buck said, making a mental note to look up what helps in case of nightmares.

“Okay?” Tommy echoed, raising a brow. “Just … okay?”

Buck smiled. “Yeah. Okay. Thank you for trusting me with this. I love you.”

Tommy exhaled shakily. Slowly, a smile spread on his own face. “I love you too. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Buck remembered his own fears. He nodded. “Yes.”

They were able to calm each other’s worries that day. Showed each other that they could talk about everything and would respect each other’s boundaries. It was a good day. And Buck went to sleep in Tommy’s bed thinking that this was going to work.

And it does.

Another pinprick of pain pulls him back to the present. He looks down at his hand, not able to see any more sparkly intruders. There are just a few red dots where the shards made him bleed.

Tommy places another piece of glass in the bowl. “I think we got all,” he says and puts the tweezers away.

“I’m going to disinfect your hand now,” he warns, reaching for the disinfection spray.

Buck grimaces and he has to force himself to sit still while the liquid hits his injured hand. It burns like hell.

Tommy hums in sympathy. “Sorry. I’m done now. Let’s wrap it up,” he says, putting the spray away and starting to unroll a bandage from their first aid kit. When he looks up, he notices Buck staring at him. “What?” Tommy asks with a small smile. Buck shrugs. “Nothing. Just … You look cute with those glasses.”

Tommy chuckles. “Thanks.” He wraps the bandage around Buck’s hand tightly and neatly. “All done. Want me to try to kiss your ouchie away now?” Tommy asks with a grin and sparkling eyes.

Buck nods, not able to look away, transfixed by the blue. “Please do,” he says, raising his hand with an exaggeratedly pitiful pout. “I will need at least a hundred kisses though. And cake.”

Tommy laughs, placing a gentle kiss on the back of Buck's bandaged hand. "Kisses and cake. Got it."

Yes. Because I know how much you love cake and you deserve it after taking care of me, Buck thinks and smiles at his boyfriend, watching as his injured hand is being kissed so tenderly.

[pilot-boi]

Well, if you want more I’m happy to provide. Cinder’s a bit younger here, and she’s only been at the hotel for a relatively short time. Unfortunately for her though, the abuse has already started.

Jaune appears in the hotel and hears a child crying out in pain, and runs around the corner to investigate. He sees an adult torturing a child with an electro collar, and doesn’t hesitate in the slightest, despite not knowing who either of these people are. He knocks out the lady with one punch, and it’s only when he goes to help the little girl that he recognizes who she is. Specifically, he recognizes her eyes, because he’d know those eyes anywhere. He’s seen them filled with malice, hate, and contempt, and those emotions frequently turned towards him. Now though, there’s no hatred in them, but fear. And those eyes are set in a much younger face.

Naturally, it takes him a bit to process this. First that it’s Cinder, and that she’s much younger than she should be. Eventually he realizes that he must have time traveled, that’s what the clock fruit had done after all, something like 10 years ago. It rewound time for him. And now he’s back here in his and Remnant’s past, long before Beacon ever fell and his partner was killed. And here he is, staring into the eyes of the person that did it, but if it’s before Beacon fell, then she couldn’t have done those things yet. So what to do? Well, there’s only one thing he can do at this point.

Meanwhile, while Jaune is deep in thought, Cinder has also been nervously staring at him. Yea, he saved her from the Madame, but she has no idea why he did that. And now he just seems to be staring at her. So when he suddenly bends down and picks up the remote she flinches and closes her eyes, bracing herself for more pain. But it doesn’t come. Instead a hand gently takes hers, and places the remote inside it. Stunned, Cinder can only choke out one word, the word that had been bouncing around her head ever since she saw the madame get punched.

Cinder: Wh-Why?

Admittedly, she had meant it more in general sense. As in “Why help me, why do you care?” The strange man in somewhat rusty armor seemed to have taken her question more literally.

Jaune: “Because, until we can get that collar off of you, you are the only person who should have control of that remote. I’d certainly prefer to just destroy them both, but that could possibly hurt you as well. We need to remove it in as safe a manner as possible. Luckily, I think there’s a guy in Mantle that should be able to help. So come on, let’s go.”

Like I said still mulling things over, but you’ve certainly got the gist of it. Yea, Jaune ends up taking the place of Rhodes, or at least, does what Rhodes should have done if he wasn’t clutching the idiot ball like his life depended on it. Still trying to think of a clever name for this AU, but currently thinking of calling it the MidKnight AU.

———

MidKnight is a good name for it, love me a pun

Little plot hole, Jaune wouldn’t know that they’re in Atlas, and so wouldn’t know that Mantle and Pietro are close by

Love love LOVE him giving the remote to Cinder. She’s the only one who should have it

Also, does Jaune still look like an old man, or did he get younger again? Either is good, I just wanna know for my mental image

This is good shit dude

[deathsbestgirl]

wanna hear all you have to say about fire / phoebe <3

oh mikaela, i hope you're prepared <3 (some of this is more well thought out than other parts, tbh the longer i watched the harder it got to put my thoughts into words because phoebe is truly maddening — like you said about scully, phoebe is bad enough for me. i didn't need them to go as far as they did with diana. i get it !!!)

phoebe’s first scene hits pretty hard. because just before she enters, mulder & scully were talking about court, scully was teasing him “must be an x file” and his face is just SO CUTE because as much as they tease each other, i just don't think he's used to it yet. and scully always does it so affectionately (no other motive than she likes him & teasing him is fun)

and it's just. he's so sure he locked the car. he doesn't understand how scully was able to open it and then scully sees the tape. before we even meet her, we see how she invaded his space. breaking into his car to play a cruel “joke” to ask for his help (that's just not how you ask for help, these are adults, they're professionals — i'm so mad about it). phoebe opens the door right on time, so she's also nearby watching so she can get the timing right. it's creepy & calculated. like scully was scared, the way she gasps & jumps. cruel.

i really don't know how to put this into words but “aren’t you going to thank me? …[for] saving your life” haunts me. she does this terrible thing she knows would frighten him (and anyone else he's with...) and then tries to make it look like a favor to him. like he's lucky to have learned this lesson, that she's waltzing back into his life — with a puzzle, people for him to help, a case that we’ll learn soon is all about one of his biggest fears.

and then he talks about her driving a stake through him and she sees that as the perfect opportunity to kiss him (i am not a fan of kissing someone to shut them up, no matter the context. let them speak bitch). waits for scully to exit the car, so she can witness phoebe stake her claim on him. a kiss he doesn't return, but doesn't exactly reject either. after, he tries to move forward, introducing the two women. phoebe immediately tries to set scully against them, against her. “she hates me.” it's an attempt to isolate him and make him more vulnerable to her tactics.

what really hurts is the way it kind of works. he lets scully stick around for learning all about the case, talks to her about phoebe a little, and then tries to protect her — when she isn't the one who needs protecting. but he knows phoebe's games. she will try to drive a wedge between them. she's already started with “she hates me” — it's belittling scully. creating a fake scenario of scully vs her. she's dismissive, acts like she forgets scully is there listening to everything she says. (the way scully always observes him, follows his lead — it's special, and it helps her figure out how to navigate the situations they find themselves in. this is no exception.) phoebe tries so hard to make it just her & mulder, and he falls right into that trap.

there's just something so distasteful about bringing up a private joke in the company of others who aren't in on it. again, staking her claim and another way to push mulder & scully apart, to isolate mulder, cut off his relationships & resources so they can go back to where they left off.

scully sees so much. she was obviously put off by their introduction, but had mulder’s response to phoebe been different, more receptive, happy, excited… she may have been able to look past her distaste. the way he becomes practically docile, which is very unlike mulder except in situations with people who have hurt him, taken advantage of him, neglected or abused him… scully understands exactly what's happening. here, she doesn't even say anything yet. she comments on his behavior, but the only thing she actually says about phoebe is he won't be able to get rid of her just by taking the case to their arson guys. they both know he isn't walking away having done nothing for the case, for phoebe. they both know her motives aren't simply the case. (and god, it could have been so easy for phoebe to be genuine. asking mulder for help because she know he can solve the case. respectfully, professionally. it could have been easy enough to swallow that she's a woman in a male dominated field and uses her ‘feminine wiles’ to get what she needs. but it isn't just that at all. phoebe knows the effect she has on mulder and uses it. it's twisted. someone who has grown would not continue to act this way.)

[i talked about “mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower” (with welsharcher’s tags) here]

the comparison beatty makes of the case & phoebe:

this is so sick actually. and scully is observing all of it, keeping herself on the outside.

something here about scully making sherlock & watson theirs <3

and oh god the rest of this scene!! this is what i mean about mulder “protecting” scully. the way he shares this … is a lot.

scully asks and mulder answers. one of my favorite things about them. they don't tend to just volunteer information, even to each other, without some kind of prompt. scully gives him the space to talk about it, never says too much but she says enough. her phrasing is SO important. she repeats what he just told her in a way that frames it as wrong and then mulder makes the same comparison beatty did, of phoebe to fire. but in the negative way we're meant to understand.

it's a little maddening that he's so aware. she was brilliant, he got in over his head, her mind games (manipulation, cruelty, forcing him to face things instead of letting him do it in his own time) and it’s a perfect contrast to scully. she’s the opposite of scully in every way. where phoebe is fire, scully is ice. where phoebe is cruel, she's so kind & gentle & supportive. where phoebe is manipulative, scully is supportive — literally so supportive, constantly throwing him a lifeline, making sure he knows he doesn't have to do it alone but (mostly) respecting his choice.

she lets him face is demons, but she’s going to continue working the case. because they're partners, and she can tell they're not going to get very far.

also. everyone should read kae's posts about fire/phoebe. they are the best ones:

fire script

scully is not jealous with kae's tags

scully knows phoebe is Awful

and bonus: i did one of my episode posts lol (genuinely don't remember it oops)

[spectordameron]

to preface, this isn't the post to get into discourse about her story and parentage. If you dislike who Rey is as a character by the end of the trilogy, this isn't for you. Move on or be blocked.

One thing I love about Rey's parentage storyline, is how messy it is. Rey herself is an unreliable narrator when it comes to her family, because due to so much childhood trauma, her memories have been shattered and repressed so deeply that she isn't sure what is real and what isn't.

She spends the majority of her adult life trying to avoid the truth that she knows deep down: her family is never coming back. She was abandoned and left on her own, and now the scariest decision is in her hands: she must choose to let go of that comforting denial and embrace the truth so she can move on, so she can leave and heal, so she can make and choose her own family. That is what "the belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead" means.

In tlj, Rey is still reckoning with this. Her memories are still repressed, still unreliable. What she knows and has had to come to terms with was that her parents truly were never coming back, which leaves her with the "truth" she was shielding herself from all those years: that they sold her for drinking money, that they're dead and buried somewhere on Jakku. That the vague promise of a return was never going to be fulfilled: the fear of being abandoned, of the lie that Plutt believed and likely drilled into Rey as she grew up, became a fundamental truth to her subconscious that when Ben looked into her head, he believed it too.

By tros, we still see Rey's memories are foggy and messed up. They're incoherent, they don't make any sense, they're sometimes contradictory — all hallmarks of someone who was deeply traumatized as a child. That's how my memories work, how I bet many traumatized people's memories work.

And it leads right into my favorite thing about Rey's story: she's not the one to piece together her history, her loved ones are.

It's such a beautiful example of what the sequels stand for as a whole, the sense of community and interdependence: Rey has to confront these truths, as they become increasingly harder to chew on, but it is the ones she loves that slowly help her put her memories back together, to help her find the truth. Leia and Luke work out that she is Palpatine's granddaughter, Ben does a lot of the hard work and detective-ing to figure out how Palpatine's allegations fit into what he saw in Rey's head, and then Finn and Poe find the final piece in the puzzle the others miss by listening to D-0.

Rey is able to accept and let go of her past for the first time in her life, because she had people who loved her enough to help her find the truth, to help her make sense of her trauma. And I think that's my favorite thing about her story.

[otter1962crystalball]

If I Could Talk to My Younger Self

June 21, 2024

Happy Summer Solstice and 21st day of Pride. What if I could go back in time and talk to my younger self? What would I say? What time period would I go? What situations need addressing? I think that we are the sum of all of our experiences and I know that all the things that happened, good or bad, made me who I am. If I had a role model to follow, maybe things would have been easier. I’ve heard quite a few men talk about not having a role model as a gay man or child. Rick Clemons’ Over 40 Gay Men Gay Talk is a good example. What if I’d had a role model? What would that role model say? So for today, I’m going to visit a number of times in my past and tell my younger self the he is on the right path and let him know how to deal with the pain of rejection, the horrors of being bullied, the fear of the unknown and more. Maybe that would have made my life a little easier. So, here goes…

The first time I would go back would be when I was five and tell him that whenever he feels different that he is not alone.  As an adult, I know he was feeling like he was the only one that was made that way. I’d tell him that he is not a mistake and that God will not wipe his name out of his book (See my Pride and Spirituality blog on June 2, 2024).

I would also let him know that there will be tough times ahead, but he will be strong and that he must not feel inferior or less than anyone else. He will also know that he will come to accept himself as he is and not feel less of a human being. As I reflect I know that there are so many gay men who have grown up pretending to be something other than what they really were. If the younger Grant could hear that he is not alone and not a mistake, he might have an opportunity to develop a much stronger sense of self esteem and not lose that zest for life that he had at that time.

The second time I would go back to is when I was first bullied by the kids at school. The day that he got berated in the changeroom is when I would pull him aside (See my Bullying entry on June 5th). I would tell him to not be afraid to be different and that others may not always accept that. I’ll let him know that in time, more and more people will be allies and those bullies are just insecure children who seek out others they perceive as weak and different. I’d mention that one day he will be able to celebrate the fact that he is gay.

The third time I would visit myself is when I was waiting for a bus as I left for Calgary against my parents’ wishes (See my Pride Blog Entry Why Did God Make Them That way). I would tell him that again, he wasn’t alone. I would tell him that he needed to do what he was doing to become the man he was supposed to. He would have to accept himself before expecting anyone else to accept him.

The fourth time would be the day I found out that I was HIV+. I would take him to a park and sit with him. I would tell him that he would get through this and that it wasn’t a death sentence. I would let him know that there would be a lot of stigma around this syndrome. I would tell him that it wasn’t because he deserved it or that he was a bad person (See my Pride Blog Entry “White Picket Fence and All! - Part 2"). I would mention that he is and always will be a strong person who can get through difficult times - as long as he believes in himself.

The fifth time would be when I was standing at the back window worrying that Dean might blow up my house making crystal meth (Blog called “Facing Addiction). I would tell him that the world might look bleak at the moment, but he will get through this with courage and grace. It will be difficult and there may be times when he wants to give up and that he should never, ever give up. I would say that he has so much to live for and will accomplish wonderful things.

The sixth time would be when I was struggling with codependency with my ex-husband or the next boyfriend who was also a narcissist like my ex-husband. I’ve just realized that I’ve not written about this so I will cover it tomorrow in my blog. 

I think that is the last time I would want to visit. I didn’t include my bout with cancer because, while it was difficult, I had a lot of tools that I earned in all the other situations that could help me with my diagnosis.

As I look back on my life, I see myself taking steps forward and some backward. What is promising is that I am moving ahead more than behind. I think this is the answer to my questions at the beginning of this blog. I am a sum of my experiences and I am stronger for it. 

For Pride, I am celebrating getting through life without a role model. It’s my hope that maybe there is a young gay man somewhere who could benefit from an older gay man’s experiences and build hope for their future lives.

Carpe diem. Happy Pride.

[wearingaberetinparis]

Snippet Upcoming Jily AO3 AU

@wonderfullyweirdd this one is for you and I hope it will make you feel so much better after your terrible day. All credits for this idea go to @annabtg who wrote a wonderful fic called AO3 Is Down (read it if you haven't yet). All encouragement of me pursuing this goes to (again) @annabtg, @annasghosts and @practicecourts! Thank you, sweethearts! Anyway, I am naming this oneshot after yet another Taylor Swift song, because I can: everybody is a sexy baby, and i'm a monster on a hill.

andytonks OMG!!!!!! prongs updated Mischief Managed and do.not.call.me.lilyflower dropped a new AU oneshot at practically the same time! *Shocked emoji* Did I die and go to heaven?! *Pinching herself.*

alice.in.wonderland It’s supposed to be Friday the 13th, right? I was preparing myself for the absolute worst and now my two absolute faves prongs and do.not.call.me.lilyflower updated on the same day?! I could cry actual tears of joy! The only thing that would be better is if they would actually collab.

andytonks OMG!!!!!!!!! I would pay to see them paired up. @notmaryberry work your magic with next month's challenge will you?

notmaryberry I shall take it under advisement. *Thinking emoji* Joking, on it already. *Grinning emoji* They both signed up for the Valentine's one. I mean... could it be any more perfect?! *Heart emoji* But also: nooooooooo!!!!!! I’ve got to bloody work late today and there is no way I’ll be able to read anything before I get home tonight and it’s been such a shitty day that I fear I might not be able to stay up past ten. Why do I have to be a functioning adult while I could read fanfiction all day…? andytonks Babe!!!!!!! That’s so sad!!!!!! But also... you are evil. Pairing them up for Valentine’s… Just let me know where I transfer the money I owe you. *Winking emoji* notmaryberry *Mwah* It's completely free of charge, love. It’s not as if I wouldn’t benefit here immensely myself. I think, actually, that I’m doing the entire community a service. padfoot Look at you ladies scheming without me… I taught you well alice.in.wonderland I feel like Charlie’s Angels. We should do the whole: “Hi Charlie!” whenever you pop up. padfoot *Shudders* I’m so not a Charlie If you’d seen me in real life you’d think I’m too cool for fandom any way Alas My best mate dragged me down notmaryberry @padfoot do you reckon we can make prongs and do.not.call.me.lilyflower pairing up for the V-day challenge look like a coincidence?! padfoot Ha! prongs would immediately suspect anyone who would do such a thing of foul play You know how he gets when anyone mentions she-who-must-not-be-named around him notmaryberry Oh well, he can just voice his complaint and I’ll calm him down. I’m not a teacher for nothing. I’ve got experience with dramatic temper tantrums! (Had to resolve four today, can you believe I teach in secondary?!) Plus, I can just say that I wanted to have two of our most esteemed writers working together, so the fandom could enjoy the magic they create. I wouldn’t even be lying. *High five emoji*

andytonks I’m so confused as to why they don’t like each other?! Like… They are both insanely talented, write for the same fandom and they just full on ignore the other. I’ve never seen either so much as tag the other or reblog the other’s works and the fandom is SMALL!!!!!!

notmaryberry Oh, I keep forgetting that you weren’t around for *the incident*.

alice.in.wonderland Those were dark, dark, dark days… I think it’s tragic to be honest. It’s been… two years by now, I think, right?

notmaryberry Roughly, I think. It's so stupid. It was clearly a misunderstanding. If only @snake.boy hadn’t butted in and made prongs seem as if he was antagonising her…

andytonks Oh, right! Didn’t prongs say that he didn’t like AUs or something?! Or that he thought that non-magical fics were a waste of time?!

padfoot Gross misinterpretation of his words He said he didn’t like *writing* non-magical fic He never said he doesn't like reading it Plus he never once mentioned do.not.call.me.lilyflower That was @snake.boy tagging her in his post and causing hellfire to nearly break up the fandom as a whole

notmaryberry True! Of course, everyone butted in with their two cents and then prongs and do.not.call.me.lilyflower were on opposite ends of a conflict that neither of them started. They’ve been rivals ever since.

alice.in.wonderland I wouldn’t say rivals so much. They just pretend the other doesn’t exist.

padfoot Believe me He knows she exists all too well He seethes in his room over her talents and complains about her imagery, similes and metaphors I caught him reading her works so many times He even has a separate AO3 account where he bookmarks her fics and leaves comments on them He says he’s merely investigating what she’s up to but who is he kidding?! As if this isn’t fanfiction we’re talking about

alice.in.wonderland Hey! Don’t act as if fic isn’t what we actually live and breathe for!

padfoot Course it is It's just that I like prongs to think he’s pathetic for it all Remember that he doesn’t know I’m IN the fandom and that I read his and her work as religiously as some might read LOTR or the Bible

andytonks Honestly, I love you, but you’re such a prick.

padfoot that’s what most people that know me say Except for my mother She would never have said the first

[random-ln-stuff]

What role do you think the Eye has in the LN world? Since in ur languages hc, u mentioned The Lords having a connection to the Eye which allows them to speak the language of the kids-so what exactly do you think the Eye is?

I think the Eye is a sort of Eldritch Abomination that’s responsible for why the world is how it is.

Like look at the Pale City. There’s a ton of evidence that it used to be an actual, normal city. No transmission or monsters or anything. The best proof right now is the fact that it’s decaying in the first place. The Viewers and various non-Transmission-based Monsters (The Teacher, Doctor, ETC) that inhabit the city are completely unable to keep the city functioning, letting it crumble around them. But the fact that the city exists in the first place must mean that there was a time when this wasn’t the case. When humans were able to build it properly.

Even when you take into account that the Transmission’s takeover wasn’t an instant thing and people slowly became more addicted over time (evidenced by the fact that the Lady lived there at some point and left once the Transmission started spreading, meaning that it wasn’t just an instant takeover), there’s still signs throughout the world that there was something here before.

In my interpretation of things, the world was normal at some point in the past, with humans living perfectly normal lives. (Based on evidence found in all 3 games, especially LN2, we can safely say that this would have been around the late 1940s, shortly after WW2)

However, even then, the Eye was still slightly influencing things, evident from things like toy building blocks, bottles and other various things found across the games having the symbol of the Eye on them. Many of these objects WERE made AFTER the world went to shit, but many were also made BEFORE. Point is, the Eye wasn’t physically present or able to truly affect things in a meaningful way, but it did have an (albeit very small) affect on the world.

Then around 1948 (the latest that the timeline could possibly take place in), the Eye showed up physically and threw everything into hell. Adults became monsters, reality warped in various locations (which is why The Nest has really weird gravity AND why the Lady chooses to live and raise her child there) and the world became what it is today.

This is a long response so I’m putting the rest under a cut

Because of the Eye, No adult remembers what the world was like before, believing that it was always like this. Children remembered at first, but those children grew up, replaced by new children that only remembered this new world.

Lords like the Broadcaster, Lady, Ferryman, North Wind and several other powerful adults that rule over various other locations made deals with the Eye either before the apocalypse or when it first showed up. After all, the exact amount of sanity and intelligence that an adult retains in this world isn’t always the same, so some were able to maintain some semblance of sanity and make a deal.

The Lady made a deal for eternal youth, and the Eye replaced her soul with an artificial one that cannot die of old age, but must consume the lifeforce of others to keep going, but did not give her a way to keep herself young on top of the immortality, instead providing her with the resources needed to learn powerful magic and having her figure that out on her own (eventually resulting in the Lady’s Pretender Ritual).

The Broadcaster made a deal with the Eye and in return the Eye built the Signal Tower, but did not provide a way to keep it permanently powered, instead informing the Broadcaster that his power source was out there somewhere and he’d need to go out and find it, eventually resulting in the Broadcaster finding Mono and creating the Loop.

What exactly the Ferryman made a deal for and what he got is unknown, but given how he can mess with the North Wind without fear, he definitely made a deal and is on par with the other Lords.

The North Wind did not make a deal, but was instead directly created by the Eye and sent off to cause chaos. He’s equally as powerful as a Lord, so he’s considered to be one.

For all of them, the Eye provided sanity, intelligence and humanity above all other adults (which is why they can speak Child (aka English) along with the warped Eye-Speak that adults normally use), in return for worship and souls. The Lady consumes souls to stay alive, the Broadcaster’s tower eventually consumes the souls of the Viewers that watch it, leaving behind only the clothes, The Ferryman doesn’t seem to have his own method of soul collecting, but works with other Lords to increase THEIR output of souls (for example, working with the Lady to bring Children to the Nest and Maw) and the North Wind rips across the wilderness reducing anything they touch to bones, stealing their souls in the process.

However, the Eye has one weakness. Two actually. Well. Not actually weaknesses, but more things it simply can’t affect.

One is children, who are immune to the Eye’s corruption and are basically the cockroaches of the Eye’s world. Children in the Little Nightmares Universe aren’t born naturally (with exceptions made for the Lady’s various children), but instead just appear in places where no one is looking. They just spawn in as babies with basic knowledge on how to walk, feed themselves and talk (in very basic words at first, but they learn more over time), with a heavy feeling of “Adults Bad” in their minds. Siblings appear right next to each other with the intrinsic knowledge that they’re siblings.

However, while the Eye can’t corrupt them, the world sometimes does affect them.

For example, rarely, children can be born with powers. Known children born with their powers include The Refugee Boy, The Humpback Girl, Mono, The Pretender and all previous mask wearers, as they were also pretenders.

The powers children can have is usually somewhat based on where they appear. For example:

The Refugee Boy was born in an area where the North Wind is a frequent presence, and he was born with a natural resistance (but not immunity) to the North Wind, which resulted in the North Wind and Ferryman making a bet on who could take him first.

Mono was born in the Pale City, and was born with the ability to control the Transmission that makes it so dangerous. This is why the Broadcaster seeks him out, as Mono’s ability that he was born with makes him the ideal power source for the Signal Tower.

The Pretender is the Lady’s daughter, and she inherited her shadow powers (although lacks the ability to properly control them).

Mono’s case is particularly noteworthy, as his Signal Powers that he was naturally born with are nearly identical to the powers that the Broadcaster had to make a deal with the Eye to get. There are some slight differences though, as the Broadcaster’s powers are far stronger, but Mono’s powers are more broad, with Mono being able to travel through Radios and Telephones (although he is unaware that he can do this) while the Broadcaster is limited to TVs.

And then there’s the dreams that children have.

Many child dreams are prophetic, showing glimpses of events that are likely to happen in the near future. This isn’t limited to children with powers either, as RCG has a prophetic dream at the beginning of VLN and RK has one at the beginning of his DLC.

These dreams aren’t 100% reliable, as they only show or reference events that are likely to happen (not 100% GOING to happen), there’s a good chance that the child won’t remember their dreams at all and not all child dreams are prophetic in the first place, but it’s still a thing that can happen.

When children grow up, they slowly lose this immunity, losing their ability to speak the language of children, their occasional prophetic dreams, their ability to be nice to children, etc, until they’re just regular, monstrous adults.

The second weakness is one that all magic creatures in this world have: Obsidian. I’ve got a whole other headcanon post on it, but just know that the Eye is too powerful to be directly harmed by Obsidian, but it also can’t affect obsidian in any way, being unable to corrupt, warp or destroy it.

[thealmightyemprex]

Disney VHS Request REview Aladdin

So I have a fondness for old home media formats and have a bunch of Disney movies on VHS ,thought it would be fun to let my mutuals pick which ones I watch .And to answer your question ,I am watching these specific films on VHS ,cause it legit adds to the nostalgic feel

Requested by @goodanswerfoxmonster ,we shall look at Aladdin

The plot of this 1992 film is street urchin Aladdin (Scott Weinger ) gains posession of a magic lamp holding an all powerful Genie (Robin Williams ) who will grant Aladdin three wishes which Aladdin uses tomake himself a prince and woo PRinxess Jasmine (Linda Larkin ).Can Aladdin not only stand against the machinations of the royal vizier Jafar (Johnathan Freeman ) but also his fears of being himself ?

So do I have nostalgia for this film:Yes I do! Saw it many times as a kid ,as well as its sequels and TV series (I mightve saw Return of Jafar first ,I'm not sure ) .As a kidI thought it was a very good movie but as an adult......I have the same exact opinion

Yeah sorry folks I dont have anything groundbreaking to say about this film,most people agree it is pretty darn good,and I think it is pretty darn good.Its not among my favorites but everything is pretty solid in terms of entertainment I feel ....I am actually at a loss at what to talk about on this

I think Aladdin is a pretty solid protagonist with a solid character journey with his own insecurities while also being a very clever and resourceful hero .JAsmine is I think my third favorite Disney Princess (Behind Repunzel and Belle ) and I like the chemistry between the two protags .Side characters are good,love Abu the kleptomaniac monky and the Magic Carpet who is a character in its own right .The film,even seen on VHS and 30 years later ,I maintain is one of Disneys best looking films ,the animation is spetacular

The villain is great ,Jafar is a good mix of classic villainy while being a good foil to our hero,our hero is a poor kid ,our villain is this elegant guy in high power ,and that is his defining thing ,he DESIRES power.He might be one of the best power hungry villains I have seen ,because no matter however powerful he is.....Its never enough for him,and this comes to bit him in the butt ,which tends to happen with villains. HE is also just a good classic style villain,very elegant,cackling ,cracking puns and just enjoying his own evil .He is wonderfully designed and animated by Andreas Deja and I must give credit toJohnathan Freeman ,Jafars voice actor ,who is so comitted to the character he has played him various animated projects ,video games and even on STAGE over the past 30 years .I also must mention he has one of the best minions ,Iago ,his parrot voiced Gilbert Gottfried who is really funny .I dunno I love that there are moments where they are friends (Till the end at least ) and the contrast of this loud mouthed crass bird with this refined villain ,they are a good duo

I also think the film has some great action scenes ,including possibly the best climax to any Disney film next to Sleeping Beauty . The final fight between Aladdin and Jafar is legit exciting starting as a struggle,then becoming Jafar throwing spells at Aladdin and then escalating to Jafar becoming a GIANT COBRA while Aladdin battle him with a sword.Its cool I like ir

Of course ya cant talk about this movie.....Without talking about one character/performance. The Genie is just such a perfect melding of character animation and actor .Much has been said of Robin Williams performance with is various adlibs and impressions giving the character a zany feel ,but one must give credit to ERic Goldberg ,the animator who makes the character a litteral shape shifter and is somehow able to match Williams chaotic energy .Comedically just cause of how random some of the refrences are not all the jokes work......But he is really funny most of the time .Most of all his friendship with Aladdin and desire for freedom.Also "Youll always be a prince to me".....Always makes me misty eyed

Now lets talk about the songs cause this soundtrack is great....And it is kind of a miracle they are .See originally the songs were done by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman ....But then Ashman died and they tried to keep as many songs as they could but there were story changes so they got Tim Rice to work with Alan Menken ....So we went from Little Shop of Horrors guy to the Jesus Christ Superstar Guy ,kind of a weird mix .I am impressed by the work of all three and how it all fits together .Not gonna rank the songs,they are all great but I am gonna talk about them .Also will JUST talk about the songs in the film, as much as I love Ashmans deleted songs like the heartfelt PRoud of Your Boy and the villain song Humiliate the Boy (And its kind of tragic subtext )

Arabian Nights while I like Bruce Adlers singing and the actual instrumentals(And it became kind of Aladdins theme song ) is for me the weakest song.It sets a mysterious mood which is hilariously subverted by Robin Williams adlibbing a bunch of stuff as a merchant ,but its just not a favorite

One Jump Ahead is great ,I thought it was an Ashman song but its actually a Rice one,its a great comical intro to Aladdin as a character and I like short softer reprise

Friend Like Me ...Is the best.It is the best song .Contender for best scene.Robin Williams justs add so much energy ,the animation is so wild ,and Its just such a fun show stopper

Prince Ali is another great showcase for Williams this one is just such a fun hype song for Aladdin when disgusised as a prince

PArt of your World is one of the most romantic scenes in Disney ,Aladdin and Jasmine seeing the world on a magic carpet is just so damn lovely and the song is just so sweet

Prince Ali Reprise......Is one hell of an underrated villain song . They actually went through several possible villain songs for Jafar , till they decided to have him sing a reprise of Prince Ali .Its pretty short and I can see someone being disappointed they didnt use say Why Me (A villain song which gives us more about his character ).....I think this was the right choice cause it his BEST moment in the film ,he is GLEEFULLLY taking down Aladdin by VENEMOUSLY spitting back his own theme song,now thats a villain !!! .Also it is punctuated by a TERRIFYING evil laugh

Now Question time

1.Is Iago Furry Bait

Oh most certainly not

2.Is Jafar like KINDA hot

Honestly he kind of is . Johnathan Freemans voice is alluring and I love his elegance

3.do you enjoy this movie more or The Thief of Baghdad?

I like this film.....But The Thief of Baghdad is just better ,it appeals more to the side of me that loves fantasy and the performances are just so good

OVerall good movie

@ariel-seagull-wings @goodanswerfoxmonster @princesssarisa @themousefromfantasyland @the-blue-fairie @filmcityworld1

[ufamsetobije]

Conservative backlash after Whitmer TikTok video appearing to mock Holy ...

Nada te turbe Learning to be detached is harder than I thought....

Ryleigh Myers Oct 16, 2024 St. Teresa of Avila is known as a powerful Doctor of the Church, a witty and practical spiritual mother, and a powerhouse of reform within the Carmelite Order.

St. Teresa of Avila's body exhumed for first time since 1914, found to be  still incorrupt - CatholicVote org The great Spanish Carmelite nun and mystic is perhaps most famous for her classic spiritual writings, The Interior Castle and The Way of Perfection. She is also credited with writing the poem, Nada te turbe:

The translation:

Let nothing disturb you, Let nothing frighten you, All things pass away: God never changes. Patience obtains all things. He who has God Finds he lacks nothing; God alone suffices. - Teresa of Jesus

This short prayer is reminiscent of of Jesus’ words in the Gospel of John:

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where [I] am going you know the way.” (Jn 14:1-4)

At the end of August, I made the decision to sell my house. With my medical bills piling up, my inability to physically take care of things like lawn care or even sweeping the floor, and several other factors, I discerned that it was time to let go of the place I had called my own. When I initially bought my house, it was a huge step as an independent young adult. I paid my own bills, shoveled my own driveway, and was financially responsible if the water heater or dryer broke. I was able to host friends and family for countless holidays and get togethers, learned how to patch a driveway, mow the lawn, and successfully ‘set up house.’ For the first time in my life I had unpacked completely and settled down. I was enjoying all the lovely and sometimes stressful aspects associated with homeownership.

Subconsciously, this house was me shouting to the world: I am an independent adult! I can provide for myself! I don’t need anyone else’s help! Look at me thrive!

However, the attachment I developed to my own independence became a source of distress once my health necessitated my dependence on family and friends for physical, emotional, and financial support. In having to make the decision to sell my house, I thought that God was inviting me to practice the virtue of detachment, particularly from material goods to gain spiritual fruits. He was inviting me to recognize the need to fully rely on His Providence. So, I decided to begin offering up a nightly intention: “God help me to be less attached to the material goods and focus on the spiritual goods You offer.” As if stating this intention was going to automatically deposit into my spiritual bank account a check for ‘one large sum of spiritual detachment.’

St. Teresa herself was serious about the virtue of detachment and was open with her fellow nuns how it can be a miserable process and take longer than we expect. In a letter to one of the nuns at the convent in Valladolid, Spain, she writes:

“For the so-called goods of this miserable life are impediments, and your having spent your past years for God will have repaid you by teaching you to estimate things rightly and so to care nothing for what is fleeting… Your unworthy servant, Teresa de Jesus, Carmelite”1

As human beings, we can form undue attachments to material goods out of fear of lacking basic necessities, greed, pride, gluttony, etc. But, attaching ourselves to things is like trying to build a house on sand. (Mt 7:24-27) In the words of St. Ignatius of Loyola in his spiritual exercises:

“Therefore, we must make ourselves indifferent to all created things, as far as we are allowed by free choice and are not under any prohibition. Consequently, as far as we are concerned, we should not prefer health to sickness, riches to poverty, honor to dishonor, a long life to a short.”2

Developing this indifference is not a one-time decision. This is an interior posture that takes a total denial of self over and over again. Every time I was packing up a box at my house to move into my parent’s, I had internal conversations with myself asking if I really needed this plate or that set of curtains, or was I just wanting to hold on to the physical remnants of my independence? Why was it so hard for me to donate the extra spatulas and chairs? Was it because it was a reminder that I was not in control and this constructed life of mine was going to disappear? Why, oh why, do I have so many books? Why am I so attached to these things?

A good analogy for complete detachment is given to us by Jesus Himself who in the Gospel of John tells us:

“Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.” (Jn 12:24)

The grain of wheat must detach from the head and fall to the ground.  That single grain of wheat must ‘let go’ of everything. This image tells us that if we want God to work in our lives, we must enter into a true abandonment of our will, our preferences, our desires and our hopes. It can be hard to understand that detaching from all that we want and desire is actually good and is the way that we become prepared for the path God intends. Death to ourselves means we trust God more than the things we are attached to in this life.  It means we believe that God’s plan is infinitely better than any plan we can come up with. When the grain of wheat finally dies and enters the ground, it fulfills its purpose and grows into so much more. It is transformed into abundance.

If I am going to be completely honest, when I set out to write this article a week ago, I thought that I had really worked through and taken all of these spiritual musings to heart. I thought that I fully recognized where God was inviting me to develop humility in accepting His will and letting go of my attachment to the life I was living. The first draft of this article sure sounded like I had it all figured out just like St. Teresa. But then I signed a contract last Friday to let the buyer of my house move in early and it all fell apart. All of the spiritual progress that I thought I had made felt as if it was dissolving while I sat crying wondering how quickly everything seemed to have fallen through my grasp. I had worked so hard to get to this point in my life and now it felt like God was taking it away. The decision to sell was more disturbing and frightening to my perceived ‘peace’ than I had anticipated.

It sounds easy when Catholic giants like Teresa and Ignatius advise us to put no stock into material goods and to not let the things of the world dictate our emotions. But as someone who has moved over 20 times in her life, buying my own home was my chance to establish a stability that I had never experienced before. I could unpack every box, use real ceramic plates instead of paper ones, actually hammer nails into the wall to hang up pictures, and sleep in my own bed. For years I had craved independence with an almost feral intensity and that house was the symbol of a future I had control over.

It stings my pride to say this, which is a good thing-the whole death to ego and all, but I am not sure if I will be able to jump over this hurdle any time soon. It is taking a lot of adjustment living with my family again. I left home a teenager and am now coming back as an adult who relies on them heavily to help with the everyday physical tasks. For goodness sakes, I can’t even carry my laundry up the stairs yet.

I share the spiritual insights of St. Teresa on her feast hoping that it inspires both you and I to take to heart her advice to develop detachment and in turn, humility. But, as I found out, you can’t just tell yourself “I think I have developed the virtue of detachment” and it suddenly appears in your soul. No, this is a process (and we know how I feel about processes…). I will be continuing to take this struggle to prayer and try not to let it disturb the peace I work at keeping in my soul. I want to wholeheartedly believe that God alone suffices, but sometimes my human nature gets in the way and I forget.

St. Teresa of Avila, ora pro nobis!

Talk to you soon,

Ryleigh

1 Teresa of Avila, The Letter of St. Teresa, trans. Benedictines of Stanbrook (London: Thomas Baker, 1919), vol. 1 Excerpts from a longer letter.

2 St. Ignatius of Loyola, The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius: Based on Studies in the Language of the Autograph, edited and translated by Father Louis J. Puhl, S.J. (The Newman Press, 1951), p. 12.

[honorhearted]

"Take your heart?" Benjamin echoed, stunned. "Emma..." Expression softening, he appraised her with a different sort of invasiveness -- one he knew she wouldn't appreciate, given her stubbornness, but he took her hand all the same. "Don't you realize how much you've already endured? You are resilient, you are a fighter -- infuriatingly so." Here, he offered a lopsided smile. "It would kill the rest of us far less if you weren't so determined to dive headlong into danger."

"You are the kindest," Emma grumbled, a soft furrow forming between her brows. "You said... you said that me being unsure means you have your answer. I'll never stop being unsure, so... that means you'll feel unloved even if you are. Especially with someone like me who can't... say romantic words."

Benjamin hesitated, his heart both rising and falling akin to a skipping stone. "That might be true," he cautiously allowed, "but I think it helps that I know where you stand. When we first talked, I had no idea that you...I-I didn't realize the wounds ran so deep." He squeezed her fingers. "Your admittance of 'even if you are' is as much of a declaration as I'll ever need. I don't require loud and splashy displays of affection...your smiles and gestures and thoughtfulness let me know precisely how you feel."

You and no one else.

The words danced between his ribs and lit up his entire face, a shy, boyish grin lifting the corners of his mouth. "Does this give me bragging rights over all the other men?" he teased. "Such words will assuredly break some hearts."

The sentiment seemed to prick into Emma like a thorn. "What if I break your heart?" she deflected.

Benjamin's smile faded and he scooted in closer. "I'm an adult," he assured her. "Well...maybe not always in my approach, but I think I can handle it."

Emma shook her head. "What if I'm not enough and you break my heart again? Not... not that you did it before, but it was broken by someone else, and I can't take another--If only I could be sure that I can give you enough, Ben..."

He winced, his eyes burning with a hint of pity and helplessness. "You know we can't guarantee anything," Benjamin whispered. "And isn't that the beauty of life? That there are no guarantees, and that everything is an adventure? One that's meant to be experienced with the ones you love?"

Emma chuckled, the sound tinged with disbelief. "You couldn't be closer than I wish, Ben, you could never be close enough. I would want nothing more than to keep you by my side, take you home with me, and never let you go... But that matters little if... if I can't give you... more."

Benjamin swallowed, the pleading look in his face reflecting her own. "But what if I want all of that?" he pressed. "What if I've considered everything before? Coming home with you, and just...w-well, not abandoning the Cause, per se, but allowing myself a modicum of peace -- giving myself the chance to simply be."

The desperation in Emma's eyes grew. "A man should feel like... the woman he's with feels safe. I can't give you that. I can give you my heart, but I can't stop being scared of you throwing it away. Can you accept that? Knowing it's because another man has done it before?"

"But what about these past few months?" Benjamin pressed. Throat raw, he asked, "Haven't you felt safe? Secure? Happy? Why must all of that change just because our feelings have? Are we not the same two people? Could it not be argued that affection makes a bond stronger, and not worse?" He exhaled. "Because yes, Emma, I'd love nothing more than to say I can accept that, but I feel as though you're trying your very best to dissuade me...and I'm unsure if that's because of your residual fear, or if you genuinely believe I won't be able to handle you. Well..." Here, he offered a lopsided smile. "I suppose we all could use a lesson on how to handle you."

"I have," she revealed with a smile that should have been guilty, but very much wasn't. "Just wait until I get stabbed for a preventable reason. Not that it actually happens often, technically the worst offenders were the man who tried to take my heart, and I wasn't a real fighter just yet, the one who pretended to be in love with me and left the scars on my hips, and, well, Randall counts. But August doesn't know about the last one." Thinking about it, she didn't get properly stabbed as often as a warrior normally would, she usually only got scratches in battle. As an adult woman, the only men who had gotten that far were the ones who had tricked her, and August couldn't be mad about that.

Any silly, easy, comfortable, talk about August and their fights was gone over their attempts to reassure each other. She hated the idea of Benjamin taking any blame for what had occurred between them, she had started it, continued it, and then pulled away without being able to properly explain. If anything, he should be the one yelling at her.

"You are not defective. You were hurt. There's a difference...and I haven't been the kindest in my understanding. In many ways, I still don't know how to help you, nor what I can be to alleviate your pain, but...I'd like to try. If you'll let me." And God, she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to tell him that yes, he could try, he could be with her as long as he wished, that knowing she'd have to leave soon had only proved to her just how much she needed him and didn't want to be a continent away. "You are the kindest," she grumbled, still refusing any attempt he made to say he was in the wrong. "You said... you said that me being unsure means you have your answer. I'll never stop being unsure, so... that means you'll feel unloved even if you are. Especially with someone like me who can't... say romantic words."

"You would?"

"Of course I would. You and no one else." He sounded so soft, so hopeful, and Emma's heart hurt even more as she reached out to brush his cheek, wondering if she was even worse than she had thought, because he was doubting such a small thing, that she would if she could. And telling him that she didn't care for him that way was just too big of a lie for her to say. "What if I break your heart? What if I'm not enough and you break my heart again? Not... not that you did it before, but it was broken by someone else, and I can't take another--If only I could be sure that I can give you enough, Ben..." That was her biggest fear, of course, to be at the receiving end of a relationship based on pity or left behind because she wasn't, in fact, worth trying.

"But...what if 'as close as I wish to be' isn't as close as you wish? Do you even truly realize what you're asking? Or rather, what you're allowing?"

That did earn a disbelieving chuckle, as she thought of the past days without him. And she had almost died, he had said enough now, that she didn't see the point in being too vague to protect her feelings. "You couldn't be closer than I wish, Ben, you could never be close enough. I would want nothing more than to keep you by my side, take you home with me, and never let you go... But that matters little if... if I can't give you... more." She gave him a pleading look, willing him to understand what she meant. "A man should feel like... the woman he's with feels safe. I can't give you that. I can give you my heart, but I can't stop being scared of you throwing it away. Can you accept that? Knowing it's because another man has done it before?"

[crittercrossing]

Violet Update

It's kind of wild to think about all the love, friendship, and hardships this cat and I have shared so far, and how little of it has been shared with anyone else. When the blog went on unexpected hiatus, I had really only just introduced Violet and had not posted a lot about her. This little cat has come so far, and been through so much—and she has a fight ahead of her.

So, I'll start over from the beginning. Violet has a mostly unknown past. I'm not even sure exactly how old she is. At first, I thought she must have been a young adult when I met her, because when she was spayed, the vet told me that it looked like Violet had never been pregnant before. Most feral female cats end up pregnant pretty much the first time they're able to, so we thought she was younger. However, another vet later told me that judging by her physical condition and her teeth, she was closer to middle age. And for what it's worth, in 2016, I saw and took a photo of a pregnant black-and-white cat who was not Violet. This cat had slightly different markings, so I like to imagine that maybe that was Violet's mother. I have estimated Violet's birthday as being in March of 2016, making her eight years old now.

The first time I ever saw and took a picture of Violet was on New Year's Day of 2018. I know it's her because of the markings. I didn't see her again at all until over a year later, in March of 2019! She started hesitantly coming around the house more often as I left food out for her. She was completely feral. If she saw me from about 100 feet away, she bolted. I took pictures of her through windows because I couldn't get too close.

Finally, in October of 2019, I was able to trap her and I had her spayed. The look she gave me when I trapped her is hilarious, because you can see in that moment that I completely betrayed the tiny shred of trust she had in me.

After her spay, Violet never really left home again. She was still feral, but I could now get within a few feet of her. Something about this cat fascinated me, and I couldn't get enough time with her. I've always had a soft spot for tough feral cats, especially ones with attitude. Violet has enough attitude for probably 10 cats. She has never hesitated to let anyone know what she thinks about them, and she will stand up for herself against anyone. She has never feared dogs, other cats, wildlife, chickens—anything.

Sometime not long after returning from her spay, Violet came home one day with a pretty severe head tilt. She seemed otherwise okay, and she wasn't falling for the cat trap again, so it would be some time before she could get to the vet to find out what had caused this. She still has it, and some days, it's worse than others.

With her battle-scarred face, tilted head, tipped ear, black-and-white fur, and forest-green eyes, she's one of the most beautiful cats I've ever met.

I spent at least some time every day just hanging out with Violet. I was hoping to earn her trust, but I knew I couldn't change her mind, nor did I specifically want to. She is such a strong-willed, independent cat, and I admire that deeply about her. I loved sitting down near her, both of just taking in the nature around us, not intruding on her space whatsoever and letting her have control of our interactions.

For months, she practically ignored me. The first thing about me that she came around to was my camera. I swear this cat knows what a camera is and knows that she wants to be a model.

Over time, we began to develop a friendship. I noticed Violet choosing to sit closer and closer to me. She started to act silly around me, rolling over in the driveway or in the dirt. She no longer ran away when I got too close while filling up her food bowl.

One of my favorite ways that we bonded was when she started going on walks with me. I would often go on walks around the yard by myself, especially at night, when I needed to clear my head. Violet would always be outside, waiting for me. She would walk right alongside me for most of the time. Sometimes, she would run ahead a few paces and then stop and look back to see if I was following. Sometimes, she'd let me get ahead and then sprint to catch up with me. There were several times when I was having a really bad day, struggling tremendously with my mental health, and feeling completely alone in the world—and then there was Violet, ready to walk quietly with me and just exist together. She was showing me the kind of love and affection and loyalty that really speaks to me, that tells me that this animal is choosing to spend her time with me and keep me company.

Violet has met many other animals in her time with us so far, and has tolerated all of them well-enough. The funniest thing in the world is that she hates male cats. I mean, she may hate female cats, too, but she hasn't really met any up close. She's seen Dorothea and Ivy through the window and didn't really react. But she's met and lived with Shadow, Artemis, The Void, Tree, and Leonard... and she just hates males. With every one of them, she's never glad to see them and just completely ignores them until they try to interact with her. Then, she turns and beats the ever-loving crap out of them. All of these cats have been twice her size. She will take on anything. All of these male cats ended up terrified of her. Violet is perfectly fine with the dogs, and honestly tolerates them getting up close to her better than she does other cats.

Violet slowly began to trust me, and one day, I managed to touch the end of her tail while she was eating. She turned around and hissed at me, and I simultaneously felt bad and also really proud of our growing friendship. She very slowly began to tolerate more of this, until I could pet her down her back.

Over time, Violet took more and more steps towards trusting me. She began jumping onto the windowsill outside my bedroom and meowing until I opened the window and let her in. She wouldn't stay for long, but she liked to visit. Then, one day, she jumped into my lap and sat there for a few minutes. Then, she began to walk right in the front door and hang out for maybe half an hour before darting back to the door and meowing to go out. I was able to pet her back more often. One day, I finally pet her head. I was ecstatic. I imagined taming her completely, bringing her inside to live, and having her as a housecat alongside Dorothea and Ivy.

Then, in 2022, Violet suddenly started to look really sick. In only about a week, she lost a lot of weight, stopped grooming herself, and got shaky. I managed to trap her and take her to the vet, where I got the devastating news that she had cancer. She had a large tumor growing on her kidney. It was something severe enough that my local vet couldn't operate on it, and she would have to go to another city to have the operation, which would be incredibly risky in itself, with a very low chance of survival, and then even if she made it through the surgery, she'd have to be on crate rest for up to two months. She was not yet tame enough to handle something like that very well. I talked it over with the vet for a long time and then decided to just take her home and keep her comfortable for whatever time she had left. Additionally, an x-ray that day revealed that Violet had been shot at some point, and the bullet is still in her spine. That's believed to be what caused her head tilt. Some people are horrible and I can't believe someone did that to her.

So, Violet got fluids and medication that day and came back home. The vet guessed that she might make it about another six months. It's been almost two years since then.

During this time, Violet has become almost completely tame. My parents have helped a lot with that, as they're able to spend time with her whenever I'm not there. My dad was actually the first person to ever pick her up. It's really cute—Violet will go up to my dad and wait for him to pick her up, and then he'll hug her close to his face and she'll grab onto his arms and hold on. I've picked her up a couple of times for a few seconds per attempt, but I haven't yet been brave enough to hold her to my chest. She still bites people pretty unpredictably. My partner has held Violet up close several times. And I'm now able to approach Violet whenever I want and pet her on the head, scratching behind her ears and feeling her lean into it. It feels like my heart is melting every time.

Violet is visibly sick with cancer now. She isn't believed to be in any pain. She has a great appetite and eats really often, though she has trouble keeping weight on. The tumor is believed to be pressing on a nerve or something in one of her back legs, as she lost most use of it a while ago. She can still walk mostly normally and the leg doesn't seem to bother her other than how it sticks out awkwardly when she sits. She still has her old spirits. Though she is tame and lives almost entirely indoors, she still isn't really "safe" to pet sometimes and will scratch or bite anyone whenever she feels like it. She is a wildcat through and through, and she has my whole heart.

I cannot even start to explain how much I love this cat. The only cat I've ever loved more is Smokey. I don't think I know all of the right words to explain our relationship, how we seem to just get each other and how much she means to me and how fiercely I love her. I don't know how much time she has left, and I can't imagine not having her in my life. So for whatever time she has, I am content that she is loved and safe and protected. I will continue to visit her and take as many photos as she wants to pose for and try to pet her—all within her boundaries, of course. I love my little warrior.

[didiwaffles]

what kind of trauma did you give eva eyes emoji

*rubbing hands* I hope you know what you're getting yourself into hehe

(I have to put it under read more cause I um.. I'm insane about her okay qmq)

To answer this question, I first have to lay out who exactly Eva is.

And it's not about how she's Devi's daughter or how she's a genius child or anything that simple.

At that point in time, Eva was reborn, for the second time to be precise. Whatever Devi is doing out there, concerns Eva little, all she cares about is that she's stuck inside a child's body again. I mean, not like she has to, she does enjoy it quite a bit. Especially after she got rid of the trauma that made her live in anxiety and was messing with her enjoyment of life.

She does remember her past, and her past was not a short lived one by any means. She's seen some shit. Well, "seen" isn't quite the word if we talk about Eva. I must mention here that her past trauma is connected to the fact that she had to live deprived of eyes and ears for millions of years. So, she didn't exactly "see" shit, but definitely witnessed some, and experienced quite some.

After being reborn this time, past memories didn't flood her head immediately, instead she developed as a normal child until she was about 8 months old when she regained her conscience. From then on her memories slowly were coming back to her, with the intention of fixing her trauma as it comes back to her in pieces (and not how it happened the last time). But once she got her conscience, being in a body of a literal toddler was making her furious. Things that she knew how to do, simplest things like speaking or writing, her body would refuse to collaborate on. So, being pissed off over this, she used her powers (that she inherited from her parents, them being the most powerful beings in existence) to mature herself a bit. So at this point, she's under one year old, but she looks older and has a great coordination between her mind and body, which quickly made her stronger than many adults. And being able to speak now, she only helped Devi get rid of her trauma.

But you didn't ask me about what trauma I got rid her of, did you? No, you sadistic creatura of tumblr dot com want to know what new trauma she got! Well, let's get into it then.

Although Eva is aware that the person who was the reason behind all her problems, and the chains of anxiety that were binding her were completely destroyed, it lingered deep inside, and it turned out was extremely easy to rekindle.

It happened when Eva traveled alongside Devi, and Devi had to fight someone. That didn't concern Eva much, as she knew her mother was doing that all the time and it was just a boring routine for her at this point. But this time something else happened. Learned that Eva is Devi's daughter, the guy Devi was fighting decided he could use Eva to corner Devi. He trapped Eva inside a bubble filled with water. That didn't alarm either Eva or Devi, both of them knew that something that pathetic had no real danger for Eva, and she could get out whenever she could. Until the water turned into acid.

Devi didn't notice it immediately, but Eva did. The acid couldn't really harm her if she wasn't literally submerged in it. And because of that, it got into Eva's eyes.

It hurt as hell, but that wasn't what gave Eva the rush of adrenaline. "Am I gonna lose my eyes again?" "Can I not escape the curse after all?" and similar thoughts flooded her mind. The fear that was gone by then returned and gave her a rush of adrenaline. In just a few seconds she broke out and killed the one who did that to her, despite having to hold her eyes closed. At this point Devi knew something was wrong but she wasn't sure what happened exactly as she approached Eva. As she did, Eva tried to open her eyes and focus. And then she got sent down the spiral of a full blown panic attack as she realized that all she could see was a thick white mist.

Devi didn't stop her as Eva went through all the stages of her panic attack, just making sure to hold her in her arms. Once Eva calmed down as she lost her voice and strength, Devi calmly covered her eyes and healed all the damage done to them. Eva eyesight gradually came to her, and she started crying only harder and she couldn't stop herself. She felt relief but she was shaking still, and it was so strange for her. Until Devi explained to her that all these emotions come from millions of years she wanted to cry but physically couldn't, and she should just let herself get it out. And Eva did.

Huh? What about the guy? Well. He's dead. Duh. Left there to rot. No one cares about him. Literally. Lesson: don't piss off little girls.

Eva is fine tho. After that she became more aware that trauma doesn't just disappear cause magical dragon said so. And even if she's mostly free from it, it's still there and only a lot of time can truly free her from it.

That's an improvement from the previous "I don't need eyes copium who even needs them they only get in the way I'd rather not."

[oh-my-bindery]

Draco in canon is literally terrified by what he had to do in 6th year. He can’t kill Dumbledore to save his and his family’s lives. He cries in THE bathroom a LOT, making friends with a muggle born Myrtle.

In Deathly Hallows, he again, can’t just tell the truth to save his life and his parent’s lives - he lies to save Harry’s.

In the Room of Requirements, he tries to stop Crabbe and Goyle from killing Harry.

Draco never kills anybody.

The only cruciatus he uses are ones towards other Death Eaters as a punishment for letting Harry escape.

Harry continually thinks about Draco as a changed person in a way, about how terrified he looks and how awful he must feel, he worries about him. To the point, he shuts off Voldemort’s visions so he won’t have to see Draco being tortured or torture others when he clearly doesn’t want to.

Then again, Harry Draco’s life worth saving. If he didn’t think Draco was at least redeemable or didn’t think Draco was harmless and just a pawn in the dark side’s game; he wouldn’t save him from a Fiendfyre. He just wouldn’t. Harry has storm views on fairness and who deserves to die and live. He wouldn’t just save anyone from that fire, he wouldn’t care if just anyone was being tortured or made to torture others; yet, it is Draco that Harry has such strong emotions towards and sees Draco as worth saving, worth giving him a second chance at life, after the war. Believing that Draco with no Bildekort or pressure from his family, no threat on his or his parent’s lives, would make a better man.

Draco had to experience what is is like to not be able to do what he wants, to be forced to do things he hates, was afraid of and weren’t who he was, had to see the reality of Harry’s life and prophecy, the reality of war and what Voldemort’s beliefs held; to change his mindset. But he did, he canonically did. Sucks we can’t see into Draco’s POV during 6th year and Deathly Hallows but we still get so many descriptions and actions from Harry that validates that Draco is a changed person who doesn’t want to follow the dark side, and tries his best, which is the small things he does lie, saving Harrys life and trying to keep Harry away from being killed, never trying to curse, hex or kill Harry himself even though it would put his family in Voldemorts good books, reassuring their lives being spared.

It is clearly shown that Draco not only changed his morals canonically, which people seem to forget, but also tried to help the best he could.

There is no arguing, Draco was a coward who didn’t step away from his family and their morals, he was too terrified. He was also 16!! Not everyone is born to be as brave as Gryffindors, and act more on their beliefs (in this case, changed beliefs).

People hating on Draco and Drarry are so far up their asses it's impossible to even start a civli conversation with them. They see characters as good or bad.

Funnily enough, there are a lot of anti-Drarry amd anti-Draco people who love Snape and are Snaoe apologists, when Snape tormented Harry all his time at Hogwarts only because he hated James (rightfully so but still). Yes he helped the Order and all that. He also was a grown adult who couldn't stop bullying a child and make his life miserable. Ge is a very gray character. Just like Draco is but Draco stops his awful beliefs as a teenager, shows empathy, emotions like fear, sadness, mental struggle. He changes his beliefs because he hates being on the wring side if the war and being forced to do horrific acts, he is incapable of killing or doing anything close to malicious Death Eaters. He stops his belief because of that and his care for Harry (this is arguable but can be clearly seen in text if you choose to analyse it).

Snape on the other hand is an adult who never got over his past, especially his love for Lilly. i understand the years of bullying and hating James and the marauders but I do not get how he could hate and torment Harry so much when Harry has never been mean to him until Snape started the whole 'Lets make Harry Potter miserable' game.

Just saw a post that was like “if you have to change a character’s morals to make the ship work it’s not a good ship” and one of the tags was anti-drarry as if they weren’t made for each other. Like canonically. They are obsessed with each other for 7 years. We don’t change shit. I’m ok w being anti jegulus tho.

[icyaltitudes]

Turning the Other Cheek

In wars millions die, cities are annihilated, people die or are scarred for life. Nonetheless, these wars end and the countries usually go on to have amicable relations. America and Japan are a great example of this ability to forgive. Two nuclear bombs dropped and now the best of allies. If countries can create strong relationship after massive devastation individuals should be able to mend relationships after conflict. Right? Well that’s sometimes the case. In high school a group of kids would bully me. One of those kids would do so relentlessly. At punk shows he would target me in mosh pits. He would smack the shit out of me making me see stars. Luckily he never knocked me out, but he definitely bent my nose slightly. In class he would holler various homophobic slurs at me. I was terrified of him and I never understood why he hated me. Through my young adult life I would fantasize about doing terrible things to him. I wanted revenge for the fear and helplessness he instilled in me. Later I ran into him at an event. I barely recognized him. More than a decade had passed. He came up and introduced himself. The rage I had felt was there, but he was being pleasant. Releasing my rage at that moment would only have caused a scene and made me look foolish. We talked for a while and he was incredibly friendly. He asked about my life and interests. It was the longest we had ever talked. I thought about it. I was far from a perfect person in my life. I had made many mistakes and the shame and embarrassment from my poor behavior had often tormented me and caused me to go into isolation. I could only imagine he had endured the same emotional agony of regret. Unless he was a total psychopath he must have felt some shame. When I acted maliciously it was more out of stupidity than pure evil intent. I could assume that’s the same in others. It didn’t hurt to accept him and forget the past. Quite the opposite, it was freeing. Who knows if he was genuine or not, but it really doesn’t matter. If someone shows their best face I am liable to do the same. Those thoughts of revenge were not happy thoughts. They were violent and scary. I had to forgive and forget for myself as much as him. Most religion has heavy themes of redemption and forgiveness. It’s something our culture desperately needs. It is gratifying to point the finger a. When I thought of my bully I no longer had to think of my own poor behavior because he was so much worse than me, and after all what had I done to deserve that treatment? That’s a sad way to live. It’s better to let the past be the past even if it left you with a bent nose.

[raynewritingdownthoughts]

wed mar 22, 2023

after a very long call with currie, i feel so full. i feel as if we have finally reached the part in our friendship where it's fully transparent and it's so beneficial to both of us to hear each others' thoughts. work was slow, but i was able to let the time go by and it did. i had a nice interaction with nancy, who at first, makes me roll my eyes, but she's truly sweet and it must make her day to come in and spend time with both me and the objects. debra came in-- she experienced the strange narcissistic man that walked in after claiming he picked up trash, that was his own. i thanked her for being there and she, again, acknowledged my wisdom/mental quickness.

ezra and i chatted about apartments. it seems like maybe they'll stay in baltimore longer? i would greatly miss them if they left. i know deep down ezra and ryan are my family. they have been there like no others. ezra has really opened up with me to where it's no longer awkward when its just us. i think i've grown so much through my friendships. it wasn't possible to grow through my given family. my mom recognizes me somewhat, but she's never been someone to give adequate responses or feedback. in some ways i've matured past her. she may have the financial stability and no longer drinks, but she is very much still intertwined with deeply ingrained addictive tendencies, which continue to make her unavailable.

i do think about ado. every day. but the attachment is weakening. time is the healer. i am doing the work. i am paying attention. i am working and processing until i have healed. healing isn't linear, but as the months go by, i realize that i have changed in enormous ways. i am sober (116 days), i have stopped spending frivolously, i have limited my interactions with content on social medias, i have stopped making myself small and having no needs. i deserve respect. i deserve to be a priority to those i hold as a priority. no more one-sided relationships. no more unavailability. i have found such joy in making paper cutouts. it's cute and fun! i feel proud of the one in my fireplace.

kittan is next to me on his back looking so comfortable. i am so lucky to have him in my presence. he is so loving and silly and has the cutest meows and an expert cuddler. he is my family, too. this little home is us, and i am proud. we have a wonderful home filled with glory. we exist at the same time, as two different creatures who find solace in each other. i will get up early to fix myself the pasta for the pesto. maybe i can get myself to do morning exercise. but i refuse to pressure myself. i've been making great strides in having better care regimes.

i got through two difficult situations this week. both have seen some resolve. i am a great asset to hedgerow, i am valued, i am interesting, i am seen. i will ask for a raise in april. i deserve one. the shop wouldn't run without me! as for morgan, i will see how our meet-up goes. if i feel that she can't be present for me as a friend, i will have to re-evaluate. my time is precious. i want to make time for those who want to see me and don't make me feel unwanted/abandoned. as someone with abandonment fears, i acknowledge that i often feel the urge to leave before getting hurt. but with her i've made very direct attempts to show her i want us to hang out and that i cherish her. if that's not something she can do, i need to transfer this energy into new friendships that feel equal and/or things i've been wanting to do with and by myself. i'm really proud of me. i haven't said this to myself enough in my life. i no longer how to survive on crumbs. i am an adult and what had been a way of life growing up isn't how i need to live now. i am my own advocate. other people may seem as if they know more, but we all know and find out for ourselves. trust the process. trust yourself!