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minecraftrelatedrandomness · 5 months ago

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pirates smp parenting tier list as a tumblr post because i can't be bothered to take and edit screenshots

everything is roleplay, obviously. also, this list counts parental substitutes and adoptive parents.

warning: this post is NOT family-friendly. it covers child maltreatment in canonical contexts. i might also be a bit biased in my judgement due to lived experiences and varying levels of lore knowledge. i may be an archivist but i am not omniscient.

note: ratings could be subjective to change if/when i watch and rewatch more vods

S: Actually Good parents (from what we hear)

jojo's parents: automatic S tier for both being alive and present. mila gets extra points for being a badass totalitarian dictatorship survivor and escapee

A: decent from what we hear

kyle's mother: from what little i possibly remember, she's actually supportive of her son's interests and is concerned for his safety and happiness(?), which is more than i can say about his father

michela's parents: wanted michela to be a teacher at first but eventually sent her off to join aimsey (her friend that she loves dearly) so i at least vaguely trust that they want their kid to be happy

B: probably okay

aimsey's parents: friend with michela's parents and that's about all we know about them

olive's parents: not mentioned much, didn't let olive drink alcohol but that's hardly an issue imho

shelby's parents: based purely off of the little i know of schitt's creek; shelby's counterpart in that series, alexis, has at least well-intentioned parents who become better people over the course of the series (from what i've read?) and may get concerned when their daughter gets up to weird escapades, so i'm gonna assume something similar for shelby's parents?

C: not mentioned, or never knew them

apo currently doesn't have a clear-cut backstory as of time of writing; will get back to this after the backstory drop hopefully

grunt hilda: oli's wife & juniper's mother; i mean, she's at least reasonably educated and probably buff from her fisher's work, but that doesn't necessarily mean she is a good parent

oli's mother: she might be dead. sources are inconsistent

seapeekay's parents: all we know is that he's related to the recruitment officer but we don't know how exactly

cleo, eloise, eret, graecie, martyn, puffy, red, ros, scar, sniff, tubbo, and water's parents: i don't think we know anything about their parents or family in general

C: too dead to judge

oli's father: bruh

sausage's parents: would probably have been S or A tier if they weren't dead, judging by how much saus loves them, but again, don't know enough about them to judge

will's mother: no surprises here

D: not great from what we hear

bek's parents: we don't hear about them enough but if bek was raised as a kite, i am assuming their parents also live on the faction isles but her family's described to be "distant" and if your kid is lonely enough to make friends with some rando's corpse statue instead of going to you for emotional support, you got issues

guqqie's mother: saying it's unladylike to throw up from being seasick? more like it's unladylike to discourage your child, raised as a PIRATE, to go out to sea at all like what the fuck (or maybe i just want to beef with gender roles and guqqie's canonical elitism idk)

kuervo's parents: they could have been A tier (docked points for spoiling the kids) but they literally support a totalitarian regime and i ain't into that

kyle's father: saying your kid's interests are annoying to their face and being a workaholic that barely, if ever, spends time with his family is just a big red flag to me. only reason he's not lower is because i'm east asian and have gifted kid syndrome a la "are you satisfied" by marina and am perhaps a bit biased, so i have my sympathies (but my parents are better than the stereotypical asian parent, i think)

oli von steel: father of juniper; i mean, he clearly loves his son dearly, but i'm a bit concerned because he kind of ended up on the faction isles for anywhere between several months and a couple of years because he was DRUNK DRIVING HIS YACHT??

capitán santana: sausage's uncle and substitute parental figure after his bio parents died. they clearly care about each other, which would normally warrant at least a B tier, if not an A or S. main reason for why he's this low down is because apparently sausage learnt that classism bullshit from him and that's just bad morals to impart onto the younger generation, y'know. sausage has a heart of gold but he's also kind of an asshole, especially for first impressions, so i'm blaming his uncle for being a bad influence.

shep's parents: bro who the fuck abandons their (at most aged 7) child on some random dock "to find work" like at least get someone to take care of the kid while you're away. only reason they're not lower is because i don't know if they were forced to leave their kid behind, because that would at least get them some sympathy points, and i'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt (i've read a whole novel about orphans and adoption, so i at least vaguely know some potential nuances regarding child abandonment and/or giving up children for adoption.)

E: horrible from what we hear

the denholm parents (acho and scott's parents): they don't even appear in canon but like bro you can't just treat one kid "alright" and the other like shit. if one of your kids doesn't feel at home living with you and literally ran away because they felt like they didn't belong, then you've fucked up as parents. also… even if we're not counting acho, giving your golden child gifted kid syndrome and tremendous pressure to live up to is kinda shit too and makes them D tier at best. the only reason they're not on F is because they haven't shown up on-screen and i have no canonical evidence to show they deserve to get kicked down to F. trust me, i'm waiting on the acho mega episode/movie; one misstep and i'm yeeting them down.

owen's parents: character intro sequence, full stop. homophobic assholes, the lot of them. also i KNOW the arranged marriage thing is just a theory but if that ever turns out to be canon, they're on thin fucking ice at best.

F: may the gods have mercy on your soul, if you even have one (on tv tropes, we call this the moral event horizon)

captain elyas merton (basically shep's adopted parental figure and possibly unofficially for will too): let's see, corporal punishment threat (re: short story #1), yeet the child off the ship for having the gall to *gasp* not obey and try to make friends his own age; raise other child to be royally fucked up as well (re: the murders), what can't a man do? if he doesn't have a VERY GOOD REASON for what he did (i know there are future lore drops and i am waiting on those), or if he's a cultist associate, then he's the one getting yeeted to F

ajax suarez (ivy and iris' father): magi-technological experimentation on YOUR OWN CHILDREN is fucked up to the extreme in itself, as well as aiding and abetting your cult leader daughter for decades, AND the fact that the only thing his daughters could agree on was his terrible parenting. also "a new wife, new children", anyone? the ONLY thing that spares him from F-tier right about now is that he actually felt regret for what he did and, if towards the end of his life and post-mortem, gave our anti-heroes the knowledge and truth about the isles to let them have a fighting chance against iris

no one… at least, not yet. i just don't have the proof to throw anyone down here yet. we sure do have several contenders, tho

gavin renais (will's father): he's on thin ice for being implied to blame his literal kid's existence for his mother dying in childbirth like bro, that's fucked up (YOU knocked her up in the first place, good sir). if he doesn't have any further justifiable excuse (context dependent) + didn't stop his kid from getting kicked off the ship, i'm kicking him down to F tier too and not even cc!will can stop me // update: it appears that cc!will did intend for this guy to go down here. now let's throw rotten tomatoes at our first F-tier parent!!

#pirates smp ensemble #pirates smp #isleposting #my post #i started drafting this in mid december 2023 just after the smp ended or sth #it took me about 6 months to remember this thing existed lmao #i accidentally somehow hit post for this early OOPS anyways #alao kinda a coincidence but happy fathers day to barely anyone listed on this tier list my god most of yall are Terrible parents

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cosmica-galaxy · 11 months ago

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(I know that you're busy with Dilf/ Milf shenenigans so I don't expect you to answer this ask soon. I'm okay with waiting. Take your time :3 Sorry if this was anwered before,I just wanna see your Skibidi ocs happy after war,after all this angst. )

We know what's gonna happen to human if/when war is won in distant future(them becoming the archivist),but what what about your Alliance ocs ? They are now free from constant batttles,stress and pain.They have whole new life,new possibilities. What whould they pursue? Who are they gonna become? Would they all still be in touch? (.You can include other characters too,if you want :p)

Also another thing: with last human dead,this world had been fully passed on to (now ex) Alliance. Will they handle it better than their human predessedors?

Camron would probably still hold onto the values of the alliance, even after the war is victorious and over. So he'll wind up joining a patrol division in the city that is now being rebuilt by the alliance. Think of it like a police officer's job, but he's more of a patrolman. After the war, he'll mature greatly and grow into his new role...heck, he may even act like Veteran to an extent. He'll also make lots of pitstops to the local archivist museum to see his sweetheart human friend. DJ decides to finally answer his calling and opens up his own club, where he's the dj, obviously! He'll be serving up hot top-of-the-chart songs to his guests, as well as good nutritious meals! It becomes a regular gathering spot for alliance members of all backgrounds and even the human drops by for a visit when they have a moment. The main crew all gather here to have drinks and fun while on their days off or their breaks. Vee becomes a communication expert and moderator for the alliance's new facilities and internet webspace. He now operates in close conjunction with the TVs in monitoring information, data, and operations for the new cities that are being developed in the skeletons of the old world. These devices are crucial and it's a big reason why the TVs were put in charge of looking out for them, as the new world will rely heavily on it. When he gets downtime, he visits the last human archivist, a great friend of his. Then, they hit up DJ's club to have a drink and eat some good food together. Buddy and Fiend both stay with the human at the archivist museum as the security personnel. They guard what is left of the human world and the last living human with their lives. With Buddy leading a division that includes Byte and other camera mimics. Menace is also overseeing the burial/spiritual side of the museum, as it's usually dark and has lots of creepy decorations. Like bones for example. Pal and Melody both work with the other speaker mimics in transporting goods to and from the villages that were set up in the recovering country sides. Their wings made them invaluable in the early days of repopulation, as mimics started to become civilized again and made farms and ranches to feed their hungry after the Skibidis were wiped out. So speaker mimics were the transportation and look outs for any surviving skibidis in the post-war era of the world. They also work as mail carriers and product deliveries. The alliance as a whole began to rebuild cities and nestle into where the humans left off. As for if they make the same mistakes as humans? Who knows...? Humanity is a template for the alliance to follow, now that they're gone. The only thing they can do is analyze the wrongs humanity committed and try to make sure they don't do the same, for they may meet the same fate as their predecessors.

#haxorus imp #hax speaks #cosmica galaxy #cosmica-galaxy #anonymous #skibidi tag #anon asks #anon ask #skibidi toilet mimic #skibidi mimic

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strawberriemarswrites · 11 months ago

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CHAPTER THREE

Chapter Summary: Bartolomeo wants to make sure you're okay and has a close call. He needs a bit of stress relief. Pairing: Bartolomeo x F!Reader Rating: Explicit (18+ for the story, NSFW chapter) TW: mentions of the violence and attempted drugging of last chapter; stalking; Bartolomeo watching you sleep and then masturbating about it. Ao3 Link: Chapter Three (3,550 words)

“Oh, ew!” Nami recoiled, opening the front-passenger door. “And you didn’t slap him for that?”

You shook your head, face twisted. “He smelled like rotten fish. I didn’t want to touch him in case the smell got stuck to me.”

You and your friends were piling into Drake’s SUV after leaving the bar. You and Robin had split the cost of the tab after she’d warned you it was probably time to go before things went sideways. Curiously, you noticed the receipt showed a discount, but didn’t think much of it and still made sure to leave a hefty tip in the jar before you left.

“I’m sorry about your last drink,” Robin said. “I should have made sure you moved it to our table before we left so it didn't have to go to waste.”

You waved a hand dismissively. “It’s fine. If he did something to it, he’s just gonna have to be salty that his plan didn’t work.”

“He tried,” Drake said.

You and Nami shouted simultaneously, “WHAT!?”

He nodded, starting the engine. “I was going to say something, but then I saw your friend behind the bar switch the glasses.” He looked at you in the rear view while backing up. “I can guarantee you, that prick is having a much worse night.”

Your heart leapt to your throat. Bartolomeo did what? Of any other option he could have picked — getting you a fresh drink when you got back, kicking the guy out, even warning you what happened — he switched the drinks, and made a man drug himself.

Nami's laughter cut through your thoughts. “Holy shit, that’s priceless.”

Robin concealed her mouth when she giggled, though the mirth still shone in her eyes. “You should join us for drinks more often, Drake. You have a sharp eye.”

“I would like that.” His eyes flicked to Robin for a moment before coming back to you. “I’m not trying to overstep here when I ask this, but can I say something I hope you’ll keep in mind?”

You nodded, and he continued. “I know I’m not really the chattiest at work, so I don’t know you very well, or how well you know Bartolomeo. But even if I wasn’t made aware that he was part of why you picked that bar, I can tell you’re interested in him at the very least.” Drake shifted into drive, now focused on getting out of the parking garage. “While I'm not against what he did from a moral standpoint, it seemed to be a bit of an extreme measure.” He glanced at you once more in the rearview. “Someone who does something like that without hesitation — he’s either cocky, reckless, or dangerous. Maybe even all three.”

“Oh, come on.” Nami nudged him. “That creep got what he deserved! Besides, it's in the big guy’s best interest to keep the bar and customers safe. I don't know about you, but I think making a guy roofie himself is a great way to deter bad behavior.”

“It is a bit unorthodox,” Robin said. “And technically, if anything bad happens to him afterward, Rooster could be held responsible even if the reasons were justified.” She then smiled again. “Very justified.”

“I just said I wasn’t against it morally,” Drake muttered, sighing. “Just be careful if you intend on seeing him more. Keep one of us in the loop in case anything happens.”

You nodded again, taken a bit by surprise. Drake wasn’t exaggerating when he said he didn’t talk much at work. He tended to keep to himself, only really interacting with Vivi and the head archivist. Yet, you learned more about him in one night out than you’d learned in the four months you’d been working with him. And while you felt his assumptions about Bartolomeo were somewhat misguided, you were still relieved to know that you had an extra person in your corner.

It was nearly midnight by the time you were dropped off at the apartment building. Nami and Robin had already messaged Vivi and Rebecca about the night you all had, and a new group chat was made so that Drake could be included on pay-day drinks planning. You had gotten to see Bartolomeo, and he made a very... interesting impression on your coworkers. And you’d spent the entire night unworried by any break-ins, which upon returning to your apartment you found no evidence of, bringing further comfort to your once anxious mind.

All things considered, the night had been a success. And you were exhausted.

You collapsed onto your bed, now in your comfiest pajamas and staring up at the ceiling. You wondered what time the bar closed, if you’d be awake when Bartolomeo got off work. Okay, it was probably a little shady how he decided to go about handling a drink-spiking creep, but at the same time it was kind of thrilling to think how bold that move was. Besides, it felt like he was dealing a little bit of karmic justice. Maybe he was just protecting his bar and his other patrons, like Nami had suggested, but something deep inside you couldn’t help but hope that maybe he’d done it specifically to protect you.

I’ll need to find some way to thank him, was your last thought before you slipped off to sleep.

It was nearly three in the morning when Bartolomeo returned to the apartment building. The rush in his veins still hadn’t subsided, even after he’d purposefully ridden the subway past the correct stop to try and walk off the rest of the adrenaline. All he wanted to do was see you again and ask if you were all right after what happened.

He knew you were all right, he’d seen you leave with your friends and you hadn’t tried to reach for “your” drink. Even if the guy with the glasses said something to you about the swap, you’d still never need to know just how much further Bartolomeo had gone to protect you. He’d never try to make himself out as wholly innocent — that would just be ridiculous. And frankly impossible. But it was still better if you didn’t know just how vicious he could be.

All the same, however, Bartolomeo imagined you’d probably be a little shaken if you were told about what nearly happened. Anyone would be. So even though he knew you were okay, he had to be sure.

That’s what he kept telling himself as he broke his promise to himself not to climb the fire escape again.

Correction: he never promised not to do that. What he promised was that he’d stop breaking in. There wouldn’t be any harm in just looking through the window, right?

Once he reached the fourth floor, Bartolomeo just barely managed to keep from reaching for the window’s bottom rail, instead sitting down and leaning his shoulder against the building. He bent one knee and propped his forearm atop it, resting his head against the glass pane, its chilled surface like a fire extinguisher to his overheating nerves. After a few deep breaths to bring him down the rest of the way, he peered into the darkness of your bedroom, bringing one hand level with his brow to better block out the reflections in the window.

You were sleeping. Pretty soundly by the look of it. Good. If you were asleep, you weren’t worried. If you weren’t worried, you felt safe. And you were safe — he was going to keep it that way. He watched for a few minutes, the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest lulling him into a sense of calm he desperately needed after stabbing that fucking scumbag.

His fingers twitched. He was no stranger to violence. In a way, he thrived off of it. He’d spent most of his childhood getting into fistfights with other kids over things like whose turn was it to look after the class hamster (“Don't let Bartolomeo do it, he’ll eat it!”), or who was better at dodgeball (“Just because you throw the ball hard doesn’t make you good at it!”). When he first met Gambia in middle school they didn’t introduce themselves, they just started throwing punches until someone caved, and then they were thick as thieves. That was how most of his friendships were made, and even more of his rivalries.

As he got older, the spontaneity of the fights had subsided, though the brutality had increased. People enjoyed trying to get under his skin over superficial shit — his brow, his nose, how he did his hair — and he quickly learned to ignore that. They could say whatever they wanted about him. What he didn’t tolerate was kicking when people were down, or taking advantage of others who didn’t know any different, or people who thought because they were born into better-off families that they were better than others. And god help anyone who decided tried to mess with his friends.

That shit — that was the kind of shit that made his blood boil. He cracked a football player’s ribs for that once.

Bartolomeo didn’t fancy himself a hero or anything, just someone who didn’t tolerate heinous bullshit. With a penchant for fighting dirty.

Still, the fights grew less frequent as he got out of school. He’d had run-ins with people stupid enough to get in his face, and the odd person at the bar attempting to start a brawl that he’d ultimately finish. But those fights felt almost hollow. Routine, even. No thrill or enjoyment to them, just him doing what he does best.

Stabbing some sick creep’s hand as penance for him trying to get you? Felt better than any petty altercation Bartolomeo had gotten involved in. The last thing he wanted was for you to get hurt by someone. But if you did, he’d make sure they'd never do it again, especially after how good it felt knowing it’s to protect you.

His breath fogging up the glass drew him from his thoughts, and he realized that his ass was getting sore from sitting on the metal grating of the fire escape landing. With a heavy sigh he started to push himself upright —

You flinched in your sleep.

Bartolomeo’s hand went for the window in an instant. But he didn’t open it. He held his breath, and waited.

Your breathing evened back out, and he released his own, his hand falling back to his side.

And then he booked it. He didn’t stop until he was back in his own apartment and laying on his bed, though if asked he couldn’t answer whether he went through the front door or up the fire escape on his side of the building. What he did know is that he just risked getting himself caught — what the hell had he been thinking? What exactly was he planning on doing if you woke up and saw him?!

Okay. Now Bartolomeo promised himself he wouldn’t climb back up the fire escape.

But... you looked so cute when you slept. Maybe, if he only did it late at night—

NO. He smacked both hands over his face, groaning. Bad Barto.

Why did he hear that second thought in your voice?

He swallowed, a chill creeping down his spine. He’d almost forgotten your shirt was right beneath his pillow, your perfume wafting up and creeping through his senses. He pushed himself upright, sitting against the headboard as he tugged it free and buried his nose into it. Almost immediately, the tension dissipated, and his mind was filled with images of you: how your face lit up when he called you “sweetheart”, the cute little outfit you’d worn, the way you’d rushed up to the bar and stuck your tongue out at him. How would that tongue feel on his—

Down, boy.

Your voice came to mind again and he whimpered, pulling his knees up. He was rapidly becoming more and more aware of a tightness in his jeans. He briefly considered ignoring it, but the dam had cracked, and he started to think about what it must be like to kiss you. Would you be sweet and shy, making soft little moans every time he pushed against you? Maybe you’d tease him with little bites on his lip, goading him into biting down on yours with just enough pressure to make you wonder if he’d actually puncture.

Really, it was foolish of Bartolomeo not to think it would come to this. How he held off for as long as he did, he’d never know.

One foot slowly slid atop the comforter, laying one leg flat while he busied a hand with undoing his belt and fly. He let his fingers brush against the patch of hair just above his pubic bone, his breath hitching again the further down he went until he finally freed his aching cock from its confines. He let his imagination go a little further down, wondering how your hands would feel against his chest. He thought of you tracing your fingers over the tattoo he had there, ghosting along the curve and dipping near his midsection with each tip of its inked teeth. And then your hand sliding lower, over that same patch of hair he just touched, before wrapping around the base of his shaft, giving him long, lazy strokes. His hand wasn’t as soft as yours probably was, but it would do.

Let me take care of you.

No. He was supposed to take care of you. He was watching out for you, after all. What could he do to prove he wanted to take care of you? Bartolomeo inhaled your scent, moaning and tightening his grip. He would start with kissing you, definitely. Not just your lips, though — every inch of you that he could possibly cover, he’d do it. Your cheeks, your shoulders, your neck. He’d trail down your stomach, stopping right around your hips, then he’d start from the bottom by nipping at your ankles, drawing a path upwards along the underside of your knees and between your thighs.

He increased his pace, your name tumbling out before he could even think to hold it back. He thought about what you would taste like with his tongue sliding between your folds and making you say his name the same way. He thought about how hard it would be for him to keep from holding too tightly to your thighs as you writhed against his face. How he’d have to do everything he could not to dig in and feast.

Barto, please.

From there, Bartolomeo’s thoughts were less coherent. Images flashed through his mind, both from memory and fantasy, as pressure began to build. Your hands fidgeting. Your hands in his hair. Your tongue peeking out at the bar. Your tongue whirling around the tip of his cock. You alone in your bed, then with him in his. Whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears. Pushing your legs up to your chest and sinking into you as far as you could take him.

I love y—

A desperate, unabashed groan came from deep within his chest, enveloping your name as he again let it slip out. The sound was hardly muffled despite how close he had pressed your shirt to his face as seed spilled forth and coated his hand. A few hard spurts sent it spattering over his leg and onto the comforter. He wasn’t sure when his hips left the bed, but they came crashing back down, making the bed frame creak obscenely as he rode out the last few waves of his orgasm.

Panting, sweating, and feeling like he’d just had the hardest come of his life yet, Bartolomeo let your shirt drop down beside the bed, sparing it from the offense of using it to clean himself up. He stood with a sigh and started stripping, using his own shirt to at least wipe his hand off before throwing it and the rest of his clothes in the hamper. He’d worry about the comforter later. Right now, he needed a cold shower.

Bartolomeo woke up the next morning to knocking on his door. With a groan he pried his eyes open, greeted by the apartment ceiling as he was sprawled out diagonally across his bed. He wiped away the dried drool on his cheek and felt around the nightstand for his phone, sunlight creeping in beneath the cheap blackout shades.

The knocking came again, light and quick.

“All right, all right, I heard you the first time!” he called, managing to find his phone and sit upright. The cracked screen read 10:12 AM, early enough for this to be a pain in the ass. No missed calls from anyone, or messages saying they were coming over, so as he stumbled through the apartment in loose sweats and no shirt, he hadn’t the slightest clue who his visitor could be. With enough force to nearly pull it off its hinges, he swung open his door, ready to chew out whoever it was that thought they could wake him after only four hours of sleep.

You jumped out of your skin at the aggressive opening, but smiled at Bartolomeo all the same. “Hi.”

He about slammed the door out of sheer embarrassment. Why didn’t he think for two seconds longer before opening the door — he probably gave you a worse jump scare than you’d given him! He would have berated himself internally for much longer if you weren’t standing right there, staring up at him with those eyes he liked so much.

“Hi,” he said, having the decency to blush. “Uh. Sorry about that. I thought — well —”

You giggled, a wonderful sound that made his heart rate shoot through the stratosphere. “Not a morning person?”

“No. Yeah. Uh.” His hand slid down the door frame and he leaned against it with all the nonchalance he could muster. “Just wasn’t expecting my day to start before noon.”

You shrank back a little. “Oh, shit — I’m sorry, I can come back later?”

“Nah, you’re here now.” No no no — don’t go. “Whaddya need?”

You folded your hands in front of you, shifting your weight from one leg to the other. “Well, one of my friends saw what you did for me last night, and they didn’t mention anything until after we left.” Your eyes began to flick between his face and his torso, and your cheeks rapidly flushed. “I wanted — I wanted to come by and, ah. Thank you. So.” And then your gaze went straight to the floor, your ears a bright pink. “Thank you.”

Bartolomeo cocked his head, puzzled by your sudden onset of bashfulness. But without you giving him those pretty eyes, it did make it a little easier for him to concentrate. “Oh. Well. I mean, I told ya I was gonna look out for you, didn’t I?”

You looked up at his face, smiling wide and still blushing. “You did. But... well, no one’s ever done something like that for me before.” You averted your gaze again, your little sway halted as you started fidgeting. “I mean, granted, even though I know how to keep myself safe against those kinds of things, I’ve never had someone actually be ballsy enough to try and drug me before. If I’d been a little more careless, I could have been in real trouble.” You glanced at him from your periphery. “But you swapped the glasses, so I still would have been okay.”

This was weird. Normally it was him who had trouble looking you in the eye, but you were being way more skittish. Was everything really okay?

“Anyways.” You took a deep breath, seeming to steel yourself as you looked up at him. “I was wondering if you’d like to get lunch sometime.” You glanced down and up again. “It — it doesn’t have to be today, if that’s too last minute for you, but—”

“Yeah.”

The ease and quickness with which Bartolomeo answered the question startled both of you. He cleared his throat, standing up straighter. “No — yeah — I mean —” He exhaled through his nose, composing himself. “Today’s perfect.”

Few things made his chest tighten with the urge to cry: disabled cats, movies where the dog actually made it to the end, and the way your face lit up with the intensity of a supernova over him agreeing to go to lunch with you.

“Great!” You bounced on your toes, pointing over your shoulder with both hands. “I can uh — I’ll give you time to get ready, yeah? And then when you’re good just come over and knock, aaand we’ll get going!”

Get ready?

It dawned on him: he was still shirtless. Oh my god.

“Yeah!” His voice was at least an octave higher. OH MY GOD. With another awkward throat clearing it returned to its normal cadence as he backed into his apartment. “That sounds great — I’ll uh. I’ll be out. And we can go.”

“Yeah, no, take your time.” You were backing up toward your door and clumsily opening it, still smiling. And then your eyes flicked downward to his sweats and the blush turned outright excessive. “Bye!”

Both doors slammed at the same time. Neither you or Bartolomeo seemed to care if the other one heard inarticulate, flustered yelling.

#bartolomeo #bartolomeo one piece #bartolomeo the cannibal #bartolomeo x you #one piece x reader #reader insert #yandere!bartolomeo #yandere #i'll fucking digest you one kiss at a time #ifdyokaat #no fun facts this time -- just enjoy ;3c

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go-to-the-mirror · 2 years ago

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Un-Follow Me Now, This Is Gonna Be The Only Thing I Talk About For The Next Day. I've Been Wanting This For Months Fuck. What The Fuck. /ref

@a-mag-a-day

So, uhm, MAG 136 everybody! As you can probably tell I've been looking forward to this episode, not as much as some others, (cough cough) cul-de-sac (cough cough), but a fair amount of excitement going into this. So, without further ado, let's get on with it! Mostly rambling, but I have great words a lot of the time.

For content warnings, mostly what's in the episode and some pretty frank discussions of suicide and depression. If I need to add or tag anything please let me know.

If I get another gambling ad, I'm going to break something :). Sorry, I keep getting this gambling advert and it's just. Nope, no, 0/10. I had hope it would only be on RQG.

ARCHIVIST (Compelling) If you don’t mind me asking, where are you off to? MELANIE Therapy. Wait … ARCHIVIST Oh, God, Melanie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to … MELANIE It’s fine. I would probably have told you eventually anyway. ARCHIVIST Even so, I shouldn’t— MELANIE Just forget it

I'm glad that although Melanie's obviously -- and to be honest, rightfully, yeah Jon didn't mean to make her tell him that she's going to therapy, he still did and that would make me pretty angry -- upset, she's handling it in a good way, they're not getting in a fight, they're being... amicable. Not friends -- a long way from friends.

DAISY You’re not babysitting me, alright? I know that’s what the others think sometimes, but that’s not it. I just don’t like being on my own if I can help it. You know, flashbacks, panic attacks, the usual. Just trying to avoid it if I can. ARCHIVIST I know, Daisy. I do. It’s hard. DAISY Yeah, well. Don’t let me get in your way. ARCHIVIST Of course.

jon's just grappling with the concept of friendship in the corner like, sure, he was a last resort, but he's spending time with another human and they're not obviously wishing he was dead! yay for that i guess!

also uhm i like how yk, maybe i was just watching bad shows before -- probably -- but it isn't... glossed over. they go through things and they deal with said things, mostly in bad and self destructive ways, like yes the characters suffering and then they have to deal with the suffering and it's all portrayed in a -- in my opinion -- pretty true to life way. People get angry when they're traumatized and under stress, people get suicidal, people do stupid things, people don't trust people -- trust the wrong people -- the works.

*holds gently* p o d c a s t

I loved Neil. I might even have been in love with him; it’s hard to say. When there are so many emotions caught up in a single person, when they’re such a significant force in your life, it gets difficult to say what’s really there at the heart of it.

I'm aro, I thought i was in love with people, I probably wasn't. Love is complicated, discerning what type it is.

Even pyrotechnics, while impressive and visually spectacular, just didn’t give me the same sharp joy as making something that could move, that came alive, directed and controlled by my hand.

Ah, right, so here's the sentence that's like "and this is what fear it is." There's a lot of those, scattered around. What comes to mind are the following lines.

Well, that’s what’s really terrifying, isn’t it? Your mind is all you are. There’s no back-up, no reset if it goes. I’m not just talking about madness as it appears, but what it is from inside. The way people talk about it, it’s like you have to think you’re sane, that our mind is everything we perceive, everything we are. Well, that means you can never know when your grasp might be slipping. I’m not convinced that’s it though. Or maybe deep down, somewhere inside, you understand what’s happening to you and I, um… I don’t know which scares me more.

(MAG 65 - Binary)

This shows that it's The Spiral.

One thing that… eats at me, as it were, and does give me that sick tightness of fear deep in my gut. It is rot. I don’t know why it gets to me so; perhaps it’s precisely because I don’t think there is anything beyond the body, and even dead and unaware, seeing a person’s form begin to putrefy and fester – becoming just a home for the crawling, feasting things – is too much for me. Perhaps it’s just an unaccountable phobia. Regardless of the reason, the fact is that to see the corpses decaying, to see their flesh corrupted, it is… the one part of this job that I find uncomfortable. So much so that I would describe reconstruction and preservation as my favourite part of the process. Making sure the cadaver looks as peaceful and lifelike as possible. Make them the person they were, or as close as they can be while cold and senseless. Fighting off the rot. The insects. The disease.

(MAG 36 - Taken Ill)

And this shows it's The Corruption.

I like it, a little introduction, so you know what you're getting into.

“Besides,” he always told me, “I’m a puppeteer at heart.”

✨ Spooky! ✨

A frugal life, lucrative career and prickly personality had left him with lots of money, but no real support; while my life had left me in a position where I cared deeply about his wellbeing and was in desperate need of money. Everything just lined up so neatly.

this was planned wasn't it, "everything just lined up so neatly," yeah no way it's a coincidence.

I must have asked him about it, but at the time it just seemed like such a natural progression.

This reminds me of some of the stuff in MAG 59 - Recluse.

I’m sure they’d have said the same things about me and at the time nothing seemed amiss. I did what I did because it was what I was supposed to do, and it never struck me to question it. I’m not sure I really recognise who I became while living at that house.

With The Web's control and things seeming fine but then you look back and it's like "yep, definitely not."

He was hanging there, wrapped in his strings like a cocoon, twisting gently around and around and around.

THAT'S AN IMAGE. oh!! OH!! oh boy!!!

She told me to take the films, his original cuts.

The way "original cuts" is said sounds a lot like some of the other tones a few statement givers take -- even Jon sometimes, immediately I can think of in the season 5 trailer. I recognise that tone.

She told me to come here. She told me to give them to you. I resisted for some time, but I’m done now. She’s won. And I would very much like to go home.

I love the way this statement ends, a lot of statements have very cool endings, this one's snazzy, the statement giver sounds so defeated.

ARCHIVIST They were … Well, let’s just say it’s not a complete shock there was something unnatural to them. Didn’t know we had copies in the Institute, though, let alone original cuts. Records indicate they ended up in Artefact Storage. DAISY Probably best they stay there. ARCHIVIST Yeah… Yes, of course.

No! Not best they stay there! Daisy and Jon movie night watching spooky films together! I think that would be fun.

DAISY She’s Web. Spider’s sneaky like that. Like that lighter you’re always using – where’d you get that? ARCHIVIST Hm, good point. We should keep our eyes open. Anyway, how’s Basira doing?

Spooky bloody lighter, god damnit, god damn that spooky lighter.

AAAA. No guys, the lighter isn't messing with his memory, he just has adhd.

DAISY Yeah, well, what do you think? You think I’m weak just cos I’m not already chasing the next kill? You think I’m less me? ARCHIVIST I … I don’t feel like I’m exactly in the best place to judge the intersection between free will and humanity. Still trying to figure that out myself.

✨ t h e m e s ✨ [themes]

I, unsurprisingly, like this. I think, that I like. The exploration of it. I think it's snazzy. It's hard to articulate my thoughts, but I am holding this gently, I am holding the many many themes of this very cool podcast gently. I am directing you to tumblr user annabelle--cane because it's got great brain thoughts.

DAISY Jon … When you went in the coffin, was it you choosing to do that? Did you actually think you could save me or was something telling you to do it? ARCHIVIST It was me. I was drawn to it, I’ll admit, but it was my decision. It wasn’t entirely about you, though. DAISY What was it? ARCHIVIST My— My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice. I made a choice to become … something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I don’t know if I made the right decision. I’m stronger now, tougher, I can … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever, I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe stop that happening and the only danger is to me … I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster. DAISY That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST (Laughs) Yeah. I suppose it is.

I've also heard it described as "if there was a truck coming towards me, I wouldn't move out the way." Maybe not actively seeking it, but definitely not... not seeking it.

Yeah, thinking you're an inherently worse person than everyone around you, is a pretty good way to get you know, suicidal.

Almost everyone you care about thinking -- and saying -- that your very existence is a wrong, that they'd rather you have died, that's going to mess you up. And I'm... I mean like, poor Jon or whatever, I love him, he's my blorbo, but like him living his worst life is compelling and written well.

I should say more, but idk, I think I've summed up Some Thoughts.

ARCHIVIST I guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t … wouldn’t be as bad as it was. And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually endure the result. You might have noticed, when I was in there with you, I had regrets.

fuck dude it sure is, i mean at least he's pretty bad at self-sacrifice, like he lived, didn't get stuck in a coffin forever, no bad outcomes apart from... like... the trauma. he didn't even have to have one awkward conversation. until now, but i feel like him and daisy are more on the "joking about melodramatic notes app notes written while having a breakdown" than "one person who wants to get out of the situation and another who is Concerned."

DAISY You need to stop moping. ARCHIVIST I what?

THIS IS A MOMENT WHERE THE UNNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS ABSOLUTELY WIN. "picture of Edwardian offence" ahsdfsewadfssewa

I mean like yeah it's a little insensitive or whatever, but to be fair, sometimes it's just better to get out of your head, distract yourself, don't listen to sad music while you're down because otherwise you're just going to get more sad. Shout out to crying over a TMA meta while listening to Mitski and reading all my saved TMA metas. Not the exact situation, but let it be known i don't cry over fiction that much. This podcast has made me cry like... how many times at this point?

I'd share other, more specific details, but I'm not sure how much is oversharing, especially with these topics.

DAISY “Boo hoo, I’m so alone and a monster!” ARCHIVIST I am alone. Martin is—

*points* GAY

well, bi. yk.

DAISY Get over yourself. You’re always talking about choices. We all made ours. Now I’m making a choice to get some drinks in. Coming? ARCHIVIST I don’t … Yeah, ok.

ANOTHER PART WHERE THE UNNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS STAY WINNING! "pause while he grapples with the concept of friendship." Like I'm using official because i noticed an error in MAG 119, but the unofficials are funny.

DAISY Melanie’s out, but I’ll go get Basira. ARCHIVIST Is she … Would she want to join us? DAISY If she doesn’t, I’ll rip her throat out. ARCHIVIST Uhhh… DAISY It’s a joke, John. ARCHIVIST (Dubious) Oh, aha. Yes. I’ll get my coat.

HIS STUPID LITTLE LAUGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

he's just like me fr oh my goddd he's a dumbass he's i want to squish him like one of those toys whose eyes pop out i want to shake him out like a cat aaaaaa

Anyway, Jon fan[redacted]ing over, uhhh more thoughts on the whole bloody... thing he's got going on.

First of all, I mean... passive suicidality sucks. And I think that's what's going on, like he jumped into that coffin, with the knowledge that he might not live, but maybe he will, and does it matter either way. He lives, gets Daisy out, he's useful, he's good. He dies or gets stuck there... well, it's just another monster gone. And of course that's not what he thinks when he's down there, but... I can't back this up with studies, but anecdotally... yeah uh, I mean, sometimes you go "oh shit, maybe doing this nonspecific thing was a bad idea, actually, and you don't want to die."

That... sudden realization of what he's done, what he's condemned himself to, the continuing... you know, he's not exactly okay in season 5, or even later on in season 4 -- what with the dark sun -- and that rings true with me. I can actually back this up with a study, according to this website, (it's reliable, it's Harvard, just search up "attempters' longterm survival" on google, it should be the first result.) 90% of people who attempt suicide don't go on to die by suicide, however 40% of those who have died from suicide (in the US) have previously attempted suicide, and 5 to 11 percent of people hospitalized for a suicide attempt go on to die via suicide, but those who haven't are only 1 in 10,000. Besides, not he's gotten help, he's just realized he made a mistake in one situation, he's talked about it to a friend, sure, but he's still mostly alone, he still mostly thinks he's a monster.

Like... that's not a great situation to be in. Someone give him some actual friends (or a boyfriend) and take all the Panado (acetaminophen) out of his reach.

#tma #the magnus archives #mag 136 #jonathan sims #tma meta #the magnus archives meta #daisy tonner #a mag a day #cw suicide #tw suicide #landscaping your mind chapter one

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selodka-pod-shuboy · 3 months ago

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listen

"the distortionist" by ghost and pals fits Helen so well

we dont know if once entering the mirror she broke it (mag 047), but if we interpret like she did (which can be seen as a big stretch, i will admit) the song fits almost perfectly: while she is a victim of distortion, the Helen that is left is no longer her, and although she does help the main crew throught seasons 4 and 5, she is not doing that with no ill intent. its all just a facade for her lies. most lyrics can be her telling the archivist her last words, her excuseon why she shouldnt be obliterated by the ceasless watcher.

"In all this madness, it's madness Oh-ho, it's sickening, it's sickening You know it's unfair, it's unfair How you distorted my reflection You know it's too late"

could be her interpretation of what happened to her the second time she was in the corridors and the moment she opens her own door for the first time.

"You're lost in a world of funhouse mirrors, twisted for eternity Bending light in a way that shows refraction of hypocrisy"

just her first encounter with the corridors.

"Whimsical, dear, your lies are clear, now, who the hell would've ever guessed? Play my games and abide my ways, there's no way you can compensate (One, two, three, break)"

could be Jon saying his last words to her and the first time this lyric appeares can be how she tells him that he cant do anything in her own domain, and:

"And sure, I'm the one who swung the metal bat But hey, I can't control the urge! Nobody's gonna blame me for that"

could be Jon knowing there are no dire consequences for destroying Helen, which also circles back to how Helen freed Jon from Micheal in her first appearance as the distortion

anyway thank you for reading through my ramblings i just think its really neat whenever songs fit certain characters/situations and had to share. id love to hear if you have anything to add. also i know that you're not really into tma as you were a few months ago and i know you did playlists regarding the fears but i cant seem to find them so i apologise if you added this one already and did an analysis for a possible interpretation but it has not left for a quite a bit now

Thank you so much for sharing this, dear friend!

Feel free to drop more of those, they are a delight to read! I agree on almost every point, except for the last one - I would argue that it's in fact still Helen, trying to convince Jon, that it's in her very nature to distort and lie, and that he, or anybody on their level (watchers) can't be mad or judgemental at her for potentially having ill intent (she so does).

Similarly to this she also would use:

"Ignorant atrocities and colorless apologies

This isn't what it looks to be

I'm not as cruel as you see me"

I would like to add some other thoughts on the lyrics

"The truth projected through a lens with nothing proving otherwise"

Like, only way Jon was able to kill her so fast, was due to her accidentally burping out a genuine lie, that was not in any way distorted or concealed, nor cleverly and nicely folded into paranoia. It could as well be plain truth to him, and the lens that he was looking through.

"Stuck in a spotlight brighter than the smile no one ever saw"

Giving The Great Twisting and Sanikov Land

#My asks #Tma #The Spiral #helen the distortion #helen richardson #i know what you are #It lies

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taoofshigeru · 1 year ago

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Sea of Stars Initial Thoughts

I started on Sea of Stars last night. Quick assorted thoughts (bulleted with asterisks because tumblr autoformats my preferred > bullets):

*I was actually really bored for the first hour or so. I don't like extended childhood flashbacks all that much, and they teased us with the adult protagonists before sending us through the flashback/montage of all time. I got why we needed to see Valere and Zale and Garl enter into the forbidden cave and have Garl get hurt. But afterwards, I feel like a good film editor could've cut the sequence where Valere and Zale start training, start sewing, continue sewing, continue training, train some more, say their solstice warrior vows, complete their final training test, and walk through the first dungeon before flashing 5 minutes forward to the tutorial at the start of the game. My beef is not with the extended academy sequence, but with having the game start with them as adults if it's gonna flash back that quickly for that long. **BUT I can at least see what they were going for because Garl seems to be the emotional center of the game thus far, and that has real narrative potential. It frames the story so that we're introduced to Valere+Zale, they're very open about the guilt and regrets of the incident that led to Garl losing his eye, and then we see how it happened and how they never saw him for ten years since. But then the cookie jar+note shows up midway through the montage, and it's pretty clear he doesn't hold a grudge and still cares for them, and they still care for him. **Then he shows up in modern times as a jolly giant with cooking skills and a sincere desire to come along and help. Valere and Zale are actually hesitant to let him come, without any adults present to tell them no, because they know how dangerous it will be. But he sticks it out and makes his point that the cooking and beefy physique make him an asset, and the three friends are reunited with another huge hug. It's very sweet, but it also highlights that Garl, despite not being "chosen", has something that makes him an indispensable part of the group. Dude's got a great attitude and is keeping himself in the battle party through years of hard work not unlike what Valere and Zale experienced in the opening hour. **Like, between the Archivist and Elder Mist's vague statements about slight diversions from the initial timeline/Garl's unique potential of bringing "it" back, I wouldn't be surprised if he was the secret sauce that saves the world when all is said and done. And if that happens, 11/10 writing.

*Combat is so-so so far. The combined mechanics of timed hits/breaks are hit or miss in my book. I always feel like I'm leaving stuff on the table, and it feels like a more button-mash heavy version of Octopath Traveler's break/boost system without the corresponding ability to autopilot vs mobs because attention is always needed to block enemy attacks. It feels mechanically like a game that considered various criticisms of turn-based RPGs and ended up with mechanics that might attempt to appeal to people who didn't like the genre to begin with. That said, only 90 minutes in and ready to reconsider my opinion as new info comes to light.

*I wanted to hold off on Crosscode comparisons, despite the fact that both are heavy on isometric platforming elements and hidden object-heavy environments. But then the Forbidden Cave literally had a Laser Bridge!

Emilie-Sophie de Belmond would be proud.

#sea of stars #spoilers #sea of stars garl

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myryathedreamer · 7 months ago

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2 + 15 (protože jsem zvědavá!) + 4 for the history ask game?

History ask set

2. What is your country most famous for in history? My first instinct is to say being a victim of the Munich Agreement (or being a victim in general lol) or the assassination of Reinhard Heydrich. But then I remembered the Christmas carol Good King Wenceslaus is supposedly based on Bohemian duke Saint Wenceslaus, so I'm gonna go with that. Also the battle of Austerlitz took place in present-day Czechia and any Napoleon nerd gotta know that one.

15. Were the history classes teached in an interesting way in your school/ college/ university? What would you do to improve them if you were the teacher / lecturer? In highschool it was a mixed bag. We had multiple teachers throughout the years. First one was focused on the dry theory, but he had good powerpoint presentations (those are always important) and iirc he liked to make interesting exam questions - like "Based on when they lived, could these two historical figures have met?" The second one loved to sprinkle in historical anecdotes (like the fact that one French prince was killed in the streets of Paris by a wild hog) and was overall a great narrator (he is a tour guide for Czech tourists in France as a second job), but I'll never forgivehim for the way he graded me on one particular exam. The last one had some great one-liners ("I've taken the first step in grading your exam papers: I found them.") and loved to add some personal stories when talking about the modern history. I was picked to dance with him on our maturita ball and he smelled of cologne and cigarettes, so that's a few points down, but overall a cool guy. I study archivistics and medieaval latin, so pretty much all of my classes are history-ajacent. I have to highlight one of my History of Administration professors, who had a great way with words and would always spend the latter third of a class talking about a historical scandal or something from every-day life. Another cool one was my Bohemian Medieval History professor, who had a very captivating way of speaking, loved to sprinkle in some jokes and had good powerpoint presentations (yes, that is very important to me). And last but not least my Epigraphy professor was pretty much the biggest expert in his field and it showed tremendously (also for this class I got to make epigraphic descriptions of 15th century tombstones which to this day remains the coolest thing I've ever done for class).

4. My bachelor thesis is focused on 14th century charters from one monastery, so right now that's the era I think about the most. Other than that I have to go with 15th century, because that's the era my theatrical swordfighting group focuses on. Also the journal of Václav Šašek z Bířkova I read for one class was a pretty good read.

#history ask set #asks #answered

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sinceileftyoublog · 10 months ago

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SILY's Top Albums of 2023

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Another year of settling into "the new normal" in the music world, for better or for worse, still brought us great records. The underground NYC hip hop scene burst with creativity. Rock and Roll Hall of Famers reinvented old songs. Stalwarts of experimental music, contemporary jazz, and modern-day blues released their career bests. Even archivists had their day. Below are 16 great albums released last year and 6 more honorable mentions no less worthy of inclusion--I just didn't have time to write about them.

Armand Hammer - We Buy Diabetic Test Strips (Fat Possum)

It's all in the title: on their sixth album, billy woods and E L U C I D navigate through a society where not only is shit that should be free, expensive, but a secondhand market encourages hustlers to make a profit. Amidst capitalist corruption and individualism, the threat of an AI takeover and close calls getting caught with drugs, both emcees face the bleakness while occasionally imagining a better world. As always, the victories are small, but mighty: good weed ("Woke Up And Asked Siri How I'm Gonna Die"), morally righteous laundromat owners ("When It Doesn't Start With A Kiss"), the freedom to bask in schadenfreude ("Niggardly (Blocked Call)"). And yes, it takes a lot for two slow lurching wordsmiths to rise above production from the likes of JPEGMAFIA, DJ Haram, and EL-P, always-inspired samples ranging from E-40 to Sun Ra and Japanese rock band Ghost, and features from Pink Siifu, Junglepussy, and Moor Mother. But they deftly connect the dots from centuries ago to now, presenting societal dysfunction as a core component of our country and world. "George Washington's heart a frozen river, boy / Opps in the backwoods, slave teeth in the mouth when he say ni**a," woods raps, as if to shock you out of complacency and make you numb to the horrors at the same time.

Arooj Aftab, Vijay Iyer, & Shahzad Ismaily - Love In Exile (Verve)

It's hard to believe that Love In Exile, the first collaboration between singer Arooj Aftab, legendary jazz pianist Vijay Iyer, and multi-instrumentalist Shahzad Ismaily, was recorded live with minimal overdubs. Then again, it's clear there's something special brewing within the trio, who first performed together in 2018. That is, the way in which each performer enters and exits and weaves within another is as natural as it is stunning. On Love In Exile, Aftab sings in Urdu--the sound of her words mattering just as much if not more than their meaning--and Iyer plays piano and electronics, Ismaily bass and Moog. The result is an interplay between beauty and dissonance, minimalism and swells of noise, intimacy and grandiosity. Iyer's piano seems like it's increasingly sure of itself on opener "To Remain/To Return" as Aftab's smoky voice resembles a soulful, mournful reed. Ismaily's bass is slow-lurching and rounded throughout, the steady presence that only so much ripples on songs like "Eye of the Endless" as Aftab and Iyer provide contrast in timbre. Love In Exile is the type of album born out of a moment; yet, it gives seemingly endless pathways in which to get lost.

Arthur Russell - Picture of Bunny Rabbit (Audika)

Throughout Picture of Bunny Rabbit, Arthur Russell’s voice is as much of an instrument as his bowed cello, fading in and out on “Not Checking Up”, “Telling No On”, and “Very Reason”. The mysterious aura of Russell comes from both not knowing what’s out there and, on the music we do know exists, being unable to tell what he’s saying or what instruments he’s using. A rubbery whooshing pervades “The Boy With a Smile” and “In The Light of a Miracle”. The 8-minute title track sees dissonant cello disintegrating in real time, unfurling like tape over feedback squalls to the point where it sounds like a MIDI version of a guitar solo. At the same time, Russell always knew when to surface. The harmonica on “The Boy With a Smile” creates a rootsy tactility, the controlled chaos of his string playing yielding free percussion. Russell’s vocals rapidly shuffle on “In The Light of a Miracle”, though they’re as clear as ever, contrasting his sticky cello, plainly borrowing rhythms from Indian classical music.

Read the rest of our review here.

billy woods & Kenny Segal - Maps (BackwoodzStudioz)

The prolific billy woods’ second album with beat mastermind Kenny Segal is centered around touring, inspired by the idea that the road–or the lack of home–is, in itself, home. On Maps, places where people reside are as constantly changing as the landscapes that pass as you’re on the highway. It’s the perfect fodder for woods’ neuroses and pessimism, the low thoughts that occur when you have too much time on your hands but still can’t make sense of your surroundings. He’s constantly searching for stimuli–weed, food, drinks–to distract himself from the human condition. Like the titular “Houdini”, Woods escapes, even if temporarily.

Read the rest of our review of Maps here.

Bob Dylan - Shadow Kingdom (Columbia)

It wasn't just Taylor Swift rerecording their own catalog in 2023. As part of the soundtrack to Alma Har'el's 2021 film Shadow Kingdom: The Early Songs of Bob Dylan, the Bard himself gave us his new versions of old tracks, mostly his Dylan's 60s heyday, save for a new instrumental. Notably, it's his Dylan's record with a band with no drums or percussion, and it's a mystery who played on it, as there are no official credits. It's also his first album of new studio recordings since 2020 opus Rough and Rowdy Ways, so naturally, he leads off with a reflective "When I Paint My Masterpiece". In general, his arrangements are more gentle, from the swirling harmonicas and trailing strums of "Queen Jane Aproximately" to the bluesy, tempo-changing "I'll Be Your Baby Tonight". "Tombstone Blues" comes across like a spooky tale, slowed down, as opposed to the ramshackle stream of consciousness of the original, while the eerie and mournful "What Was It You Wanted" is a revelatory adaptation of the late 80's classic. And "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues" shuffles along with a calypso groove, almost as if it's a tribute to the late Jimmy Buffett. He may not be doing it to regain the rights to his own songs, but on Shadow Kingdom, Dylan asserts that there's value in revisiting old friends.

Drive-By Truckers - The Complete Dirty South (New West)

The Complete Dirty South is us an opportunity to listen with 2023 ears to a 2004 album that’s truer than ever. The rich still get away with doing illegal things (“Where the Devil Don’t Stay”), increasingly intense weather patterns still devastate the poorest of communities (“Tornadoes”), and government austerity policies still force people to work longer hours, for lower pay (the incendiary “Putting People on the Moon”.) When Patterson Hood sings, “Motherfucker in the White House said a change was comin’ round / But I’m workin’ at the Walmart, Mary Alice in the ground,” it’s the much more realistic, downtrodden version of “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss,” a sharpshooting lyricist’s analysis of the devastating consequences of incrementalism, let alone inaction.

Read our preview of two Drive-By Truckers solo shows from December.

GOLD DIME - No More Blue Skies (No-Gold)

With No More Blue Skies, Andrya Ambro, the former half of No Wave-inspired Brooklyn indie rock duo Talk Normal has delivered the most distilled statement of her artistry to date. Combining her classical training and ethnomusicological studies as a drummer with the hammering intensity of her live performance, the album is a examination of contrast, an exercise in presenting ambiguous questions and smashing them to see if any answers lie within.

Read our review of GOLD DIME's career-best.

jaimie branch - Fly or Die Fly or Die Fly or Die ((world war)) (International Anthem)

Though the late trumpeter and composer jaimie branch’s third album Fly or Die Fly or Die Fly or Die ((world war)) is a final statement, it’s even more effective as an eternal one. It begins with keyboards that sound like church organs, an eerily somber sonic manifestation of irrevocability. As Chad Taylor’s rolling drums enter, branch gives us one of her trademark trumpet blares, as if to announce, “I’m here.” She wasn’t one to spend much more time announcing her presence, though–the track segues into an Afro-Latin style jam, clacking percussion and horns in line with Lester St. Louis’ nervy bowed cello. ((world war)) from then on spends most of its runtime just the way branch liked it, in a groove, with some breaks along the way to remind us of the urgency of the moment.

Read our review of Fly or Die Fly or Die Fly or Die ((world war)).

Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit - Weathervanes (Southeastern/Thirty Tigers)

Over the past few years, Jason Isbell’s had a lot of time to think. Pandemic and lockdown-induced isolation made us all spend a bit more time between our ears, and for Isbell, it was his experience on set for Martin Scorsese’s Killers of the Flower Moon that yielded even more alone time. These spaces in between catalyzed the creation of Weathervanes. Like Isbell’s best records, Weathervanes tackles many areas of life, from getting older and grappling with regret and depression to existing in an increasingly fraught and vulnerable world. What makes it succeed most is the extent to which he relied on his collaborators to make it, purportedly inspired by watching none other than Scorsese seek out the opinions of others while filming Flower Moon.

Read our preview of Isbell & the 400 Unit's show in Joliet last March.

JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown - Scaring the Hoes (AWAL)

JPEGMAFIA's called SCARING THE HOES a “practice album,” made with the SP-404–no Pro Tools–after learning it for a year. It certainly has that loose quality you’d think, alongside the exact amount of chaos you’d expect from the debut full-length join-up from him and Danny Brown. Of course, Peggy finds kinship in the deep cuts and the underground, from the underappreciated Bun B to old soul and funk, Japanese pop, and gospel. The samples and production are inspired. At the same time, Peggy knows he’s your favorite Twitter follow’s favorite rapper, so the title itself, referring to something a Very Online Man would say who thinks his taste is too esoteric for women, is tongue-in-cheek. “How the fuck we supposed to make money of this shit?” Peggy asks on the title track. “You wanna be an MC? What the fuck you think, it’s 1993?” The only thing better than effortless tempo changes, switches on a dime from maximalism to dreamy instrumentation, is self-awareness of his own idiosyncrasies. Bonus points for “God Loves You”, which juxtaposes a guttural, spirited gospel sample with the filthiest lyrics on the album.

Read our preview of Pitchfork Music Festival 2023, containing JPEGMAFIA, here.

Matana Roberts - Coin Coin Chapter Five: In The Garden... (Constellation)

On the 5th of their 12 planned Coin Coin albums, saxophone master Matana Roberts tells the story of an ancestor who died after complications from a self-inflicted abortion. Though it's a tragic story, Roberts reclaims the narrative and casts it as part of a wider tale of institutional racism, sexism, and classism. Songs with spoken word are interspersed throughout instrumental expressions of sounds as tangible as tin whistle and as abstract as synth, structures at times free and at times delving even into rock, let alone jazz bops. Each detail of story included is clearly intentional, meant to paint a picture of Roberts' ancestor while portraying their story as not unique. Roberts' spoken word--closer to voice acting, even--is incredible, as they repeat in varying levels of genuineness, "Well, they didn't know I was electric, alive, spirited, fired and free / My spirit overshadowing, my dreams to bombastic / My eyes too sparkling, my laughter too true." Their saxophone is expressive, yet mournful, providing motifs of lamentation and hope at once. On the penultimate "for they do not know", Roberts layers and repeats the album's main refrain, "My name is your name, our name is their name / We are named / We remember, they forget," as if to emphasize the prevalence of their ancestor's story throughout history. And closer "...ain't i...your mystery is our history" juxtaposes Western and African traditions, pointedly demonstrating that the evils brought upon their ancestor are rooted in colonialism and Western hegemony rather than a standalone calamity.

Robert Finley - Black Bayou (Easy Eye Sound)

Seven years into his improbable comeback, Robert Finley views his role as a singer and entertainer as twofold: meeting the audience at the heart while simultaneously giving them advice, telling them the barebones truth when other authority figures won’t. On Black Bayou, he reckons with ideas of homesickness and loneliness, lust and love, selflessness and salvation. Buoyed by longtime collaborator Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys, Finley wrote all of the songs in the studio, and his familiarity with his supporting cast of musicians resulted in songs that were both efficiently recorded and emotionally acute. Kenny Brown’s guitar winces with longing on “Livin’ Out A Suitcase” as Finley’s tired of traveling. On “Waste Of Time”, a song that sees Finley taking pride in rural living even if it means missing out on opportunities provided by cities, the buzz-saw guitars and Jeffrey Clemens’ clattering percussion yield a perfect maximalism to go along with Finley’s claims that, yes, there’s still a lot to digest right outside your doorstep.

Read our interview with Finley about Black Bayou here.

Sunny War - Anarchist Gospel (New West)

Sunny War battles self-destruction throughout Anarchist Gospel; in the lead-up to its release, she spoke about her music representing a battle between that side of herself and the one trying to make things better. On “New Day”, she uses the language of addiction to wax on love, hurt, and obsession: “Believing in magic can be tragic / I’m love’s junkie, I’m love’s addict.” One of the record’s true standouts is “I Got No Fight”, where pained guitars and screaming organs exemplify Sunny’s desire for the days to end, depression that buzzes like a fly in her ear. On the gorgeous country tune “His Love”, she sings of an unhealthy relationship, “His love fades, my love grows,” and the timbres of her voice and the instruments similarly diverge, her lurking deep vocal register contrasting the spryness of the backing vocals, guitars, and pattering drums.

Read our review of Anarchist Gospel.

Various Artists - Tell Everybody! (21st Century Juke Joint Blues From Easy Eye Sound) (Easy Eye Sound)

For the better part of the past decade, Dan Auerbach's Easy Eye Sound recording studio and record label has showcased some of the best in contemporary blues music, from various regions across the country and spanning sub-genres. Tell Everybody!, the label's latest compilation, makes the case that a current crop of songwriters, vocalists, and instrumentalists are making essential wartime-style juke joint blues numbers. It's comprised of alternate versions of songs from past Easy Eye Sound albums (Jimmy "Duck" Holmes' version of "Catfish Blues", Leo Bud Welch's glistening "Don't Let the Devil Ride"), posthumously released offerings from idiosyncratic legends like James Gang/Pacific Gas & Electric/All Saved Freak Band guitarist Glenn Schwartz, and strong statements from up and comers like Detroit Dobro-drummer duo Moonrisers, Chicago's Gabe Carter, and Kentucky picker Nat Myers. Auerbach even finds room for new songs from himself and The Black Keys, who sound better than they have in years by embracing the drippy psychedelia of their early material on "No Lovin'". And performing the title track (and baring teeth on the cover) is Robert Finley, whose daughter Christy Johnson delivers smooth gospel backing vocals to contrast Auerbach and Kenny Brown's searing guitars, the multi-generational sound of past, present, and future.

Wednesday - Rat Saw God (Dead Oceans)

“Hot Rotten Grass Smell”, the opening track to Wednesday's incredible Rat Saw God, immediately juxtaposes country guitars with shoegaze squall. Songwriter/vocalist/guitarist Karly Hartzman references Smog’s “The Well” before turning inward to a bleak vision: “Your closet froze after you left / Except the people who took your shirts / Closed off your door with yellow tape / Saw myself dead at the end of a staircase.” The song ends with a sudden cut to field recordings of peepers. Heartbreak, anxiety, life, death, both the natural environment and the concrete depression of the South. It’s all there for Hartzman’s poetry, and no moment is too small or too ordinary for worship.

Read our review of Rat Saw God.

Willie Nelson - I Don't Know A Thing About Love: The Songs of Harlan Howard (Legacy)

Part of me thinks living legend Willie Nelson would rather continue paying tribute to his forebears than do anything else. The late Harlan Howard essentially gave Nelson his first break after hearing some original tunes, signing him to the Pamper publishing imprint in the early 60's. Of course, last year, Nelson would go on to celebrate a 90th birthday and be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, while Howard, who passed away in 2002, is still mostly known behind the scenes, writing songs that would become immortalized by Buck Owens, Waylon Jennings, Ray Charles, and Brenda Lee. So leave it to Nelson to present Howard's best songs, with minimal arrangements, to emphasize the brilliance of his songwriting, the devastating simplicity of lines like "I'm about as helpless as a leaf in a gale." Nelson leads a stellar backing band through blues stomps ("Excuse Me (I Think I've Got A Heartache)", a screaming version of "Busted") and plaintive and empathetic waltzes ("Life Turned Her That Way"), exemplifying a three chords and the truth philosophy appropriate for all moods and experiences.

Honorable Mentions:

Bob Dylan - The Bootleg Series, Vol. 17: Fragments - Time Out Of Mind Sessions 1996-1997 (Columbia/Legacy)

The Clientele - I Am Not There Anymore (Merge)

Daniel Bachman - When The Roses Come Again (Three Lobed)

Danny Brown - Quaranta (Warp)

Gazelle Twin - Black Dog (Invada)

Lonnie Holley - Oh Me Oh My (Jagjaguwar)

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mlobsters · 11 months ago

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supernatural s12e5 the one you've been waiting for (w. meredith glynn)

thule society nazis in the recap, oh boy. my fave. remember nothing of this episode (8x13 apparently). though i do remember neck stabbing a nazi to non je ne regrette rien (but i think that was a different nazi stabbing episode??? 11x14). ps totally thought rien was laugh because ríen in spanish is "they laugh". sometimes similar words between french and spanish are the same! sometimes not :P i don't regret anything not quite the vibe of i don't regret laughing lol

DEAN I'm gonna stop you right there, okay? Look, Mom needed her space, and I told you I'm cool with it. SAM But are you really?

so here for sam continuing to poke dean about this. dean should retaliate by making sam deal with something

SAM Uh, rich people like antiquing. I don't know. DEAN I say we check it out. SAM Uh… (Sighs) All right. In the meantime, you sure you don't wanna talk about – DEAN No. SAM Dean, it's called sublimation. DEAN Yeah. Yeah, it's kinda my thing.

i had to look it up because i was thinking of the science thing but psychologytoday.com says:

Why is sublimation a mature defense? Sublimation is considered a successful defense mechanism because it often leads to positive outcomes—and outcomes that are often better than the alternative. For example, let’s say a man going through a divorce emotes by destroying his ex-wife’s property or lashing out at his son. In the case of sublimation, on the other hand, the man may channel his energy into an important project at work. Even though sublimation is a more productive defense than others, it’s still healthy to fully confront and process the underlying emotions involved.

look at that, it's a mature defense mechanism! something something processing emotions too. details details

miracles of miracles they turned on the lights instead of continuing to poke around in the dark with flashlights (xfiles was very silly about that too, kind of a trope of the genre i suppose. drama!)

hi localhost loopback webmail. that is a very nice little fake email screen though. and peekaboo sam in the mirror

finally someone reacting appropriately to overhearing one of their conversations 😂

keep trying to figure out if nazi boy here just has a bad cut/style/color or it's a wig. this is why i don't remember these episodes. could not care less

send in sam to talk to the girl, they can bond over being vessels for pure evil! lol she called bullshit on sam's lucifer vessel story, very reasonable

neverending fight scene.

ok same kid and now it looks like it is his hair. maybe that was a reshoot or something?

i guess british mol villains not enough cartoon evil, bring in nazi thule whatever douchebag his dad is

haha WAIT! i know this diner LOL. i used it for my archivist painting! and in the process of doing that i was checking the outside views too. i think this is the same clip in fact, just darkened to look like night. did they forget to get an exterior shot of something? now i wonder how often they do this. only reason i recognized it was because i'd spent hours staring at pictures for that painting

s1e20 dead man's blood

s1e20 / s12e5

that is so funny. looks like they took out the searchlight from the car too. babies

sam's reaction to nazi defector boy sliding in is cracking me up. kid's hair back to looking strange. maybe it's the color? it just doesn't look right on his head

mentioning again how great his hair is looking this season! what a turnaround. clearly should tag for me rambling about his hair, like the sideburns. looking at the search for hair on my posts, i talk about everyone's hair. a lot lol (best hair, claire by a mile. ugh. so gorgeous). sigh, back to nazis

i had some weird light golden brown hair for a minute when i was using an old box of dye and i was sick of fighting the white hair. kind of looks like that. also, what were they eating? chocolate pie? cheesecake? cake? stallllling

EXCUSE ME WHAT. wheezing

the matrix (1999) / the magicians s1e4 the world within the walls

reminds me of a cross between the matrix bug and the little gold scorpion thingamajig in the magicians. but way goofier

oki doke

kinda feels like this whole episode was an excuse to get sam to say this. and for the mood pick-me-up of getting to kill hitler for dean

DEAN You know, I was thinkin'… we passed a bakery on the way into town. Sign said, “Best pie for a thousand miles”. SAM So now you want pie? DEAN I killed Hitler. I think I deserve some pie. Did I mention I killed Hitler? SAM I'm never gonna hear the end of this, am I? DEAN Probably not.

very cute

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 12x05 #spn 1x20 #meredith glynn #sam's hair

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luminouslumity · 2 years ago

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Liveblog for Watching and Dreaming!

Okay, last episode. Here we go.

Oh, okay! So we're starting with drama right off the bat then! Great!

TITAN!

STRINGBEAN!

Oh God, poor Luz!

Poor Eda, but I've honestly really missed Lilith as an antagonist, even if it's only a dream in this case.

Okay, and now King is going to be traumatized! Wonderful!

Okay, ouch! This scene with Hunter hurts even more than the others!

Still horrified, but love the call-back to S1.

Aww! Reunion!

Rai Rai! I can't! It's just a shame this isn't the real Raine!

Oh, no... Belos, leave King alone!

This is so sad on so many levels! It's one thing to have an antagonistic chaos being, it's another if that chaos being just genuinely doesn't understand the repercussions of their actions! And of course he wouldn't, he's a child!

Raine, yes! Try and break free!

I'm really liking the action here!

Oh, so we're just gonna get the "try to get through to him" talk now, then. Okay.

The Archivists? Lore? Oh my god!

This poor baby!

GO, RAINE!

Oh, don't tell me that heart belongs to...

And it does! As if you couldn't get any more gruesome, Belos!

AMITY! YAY! And hearing her call Lilith Miss Lilith really makes me wish more than ever that we actually saw them interact beyond Covention.

Aww, more call-backs.

Dana, don't tempt us! But yes, please, I'd give anything for an Eda school days spin-off!

I hate Belos, but man I love his new monster design! It actually kinda reminds me of Garon from Fire Emblem Fates!

Yes, Collector! Go, little guy!

Wait, no! Collector! There are exceptions! That being said, the reactions from Luz, Eda, and King are hilarious!

LUZ, NO!

CAMILA! I'm not even joking when I say I literally started to cry at the same time she did!

YES! AVENGE HER!

Oh, the In-Between Realm!

I knew she'd be fine, but oh god, all of them are going to need therapy once all this is over!

King's dad!?

KING'S DAD! And I love his design!

Aww! He sounds so sweet!

WHY!?

Well, at least we get pretty animation out of this.

GOODBYE, KING'S DAD!

Again, poor Camila!

Glyphs! Yay!

NO, NOT HIM TOO!

NO!

LUZ! AND SHE LOOKS SO GOOD!

Aw, they're all fighting alongside each other! This is awesome!

I've missed you, red foliage!

Wow!

Again, this animation is amazing!

Raine! And she's whistling the song! Ugh, I can't!

Aww, Raeda nuzzlies!

More fluid animation!

YES, SHE SAID IT! SHE SAID THE THING!

BYE-BYE, BELOS!

Oh, fork you, man! How dare you even try and play the "I was possessed" card!

Okay, this is horrifying. Still, death by rain? How delightfully ironic!

Even now, he still refuses to see himself as a villain.

YEAH! STOMP ON HIM!

Aww, King! And of course the message would be a pun!

Aww, more reunions!

DADRIUS CONFIRMED!

Seriously, everything about this voiceover is great! Sucks that Luz can't do magic anymore, though. And I'm glad the Collector will at least be keeping in touch.

Aww, Hunter has a new palisman!

TIMESKIP! NICE!

Aw, the University of Wild Magic!

Amity looks so good! They all do, but Amity's is my favorite! Lilith too, actually!

King-ceñera! So sweet! And disgusting, but it's the thought that counts. And glyphs have returned! Cool!

A removal spell! Awesome!

BYYYYYEEE!

That was such a perfect note to end it on! Thank you for everything, Owl Crew! And I know we'll apparently be getting something related to the Azura series eventually (no idea if it's still going to happen or not though), but even if it's just books or graphic novels, here's hoping we can get more from this show in the future!

#disney #dana terrace #the owl house #the owl house spoilers #toh #toh spoilers #watching and dreaming #watching and dreaming spoilers #luz noceda #eda clawthorne #king clawthorne #willow park #gus porter #amity blight #hunter wittebane #belos #philip wittebane #the collector

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irresistiibles · 7 months ago

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was that dev patel? oh no no, that was just jonathan sims, a canon character from the magnus archives. they are thirty one years old, use he/they, and are not aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

probably like 8 months but he believes he's lived here 13 years.

what is your character’s job

he works as an archivist for the national archives (and has worked in the past at george washington university as an archivist and honestly preferred that and might wind up going back to it especially once he's aware again)

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

see that's a great question and kinda why he's unaware until i finish this relisten. he's not gonna be unaware too too long but i'm trying to figure out if i want him more middle of the series around season 2 or 3 or more at the end. if other people bring characters i'll probably see about potentially matching that or not to cause problems

has any magic affected your character

memories are gone!

more info:

**i'm going to keep spoilers light though it will mention some abilities jon has which are spoilers for like season 3? but i won't go into details about how or why he has those abilities

so unimportant but according to the wiki both john and jon are fine as spellings and i'll mostly be using jon.

head archivist from the magnus archives it's jon's job to go through statements from people about things of potentially paranormal activity

it's a horror podcast so obviously things devolve pretty fast but i won't get too far into it.

he's not the easiest to get along with in first meeting. he can come across as pretty rude and dismissive and condescending. he prioritizes his work over being nice and isn't the best at being social

but they are nice, they just aren't very good at being nice. jon can get very in his own head and tends to trust himself far more than others, which obviously leads to him being uh, just kinda obnoxious sometimes idk how else to say it

he thinks he moved to dc at 18 from britain in order to get his bachelor and masters in the us and wound up staying there after being offered a good job opportunity he couldn't turn up, so while he didn't grow up in dc he's been here a while

they're aware of the weirdness in dc, and have been doing some independent research on it, though jon is sure there's a reasonable explanation for it all that just hasn't been discovered yet

records all his research on a tape recorder of course.

honestly right now he's easier to get along with than he would be with his memories. yeah, they're a bit standoffish, and too smart for his own good with a tendency to pry, but jon is relatively nice beyond that and can be a bit of a pushover and easy to get around.

has some light powers of compulsion but does not know this at the moment and definitely has the chance to do it by accident. this is mostly used in terms of compelling people to answer questions he asks and we can definitely plot stuff with this is desired

asexual and biromantic

potential plots:

anyone he knows from work. government officials who have gone to him to retrieve records, students, what have you. listen my knowledge on legit archivist work is light but we'll make it work

a roommate as long as they're cool having a cat

some friends? honestly he's not hard to push into friendship if you can deal with their personality

definitely friends that drag him out to a bar or cafe or whatever because otherwise he will work late nights and weekends the guy needs to get out

someone they butt heads with, maybe met through work or something similar. jon is so easy to butt heads with if you take first impressions seriously.

maybe a barista jon sees all the time. he gets a lot of tea and would have a preferred particular order so

someone could absolutely get him hooked on energy drinks

some one off dates either past or present

since he's trying to research washington if your muse is aware and wants to talk about home or any of the crazy events jon would love to do an interview

i'll come up with more as i add him to my plot doc.

#( intros && jonathan )#hw: intro

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