#we ain't here for that right now
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AND ANOTHER THING lily orchard is walking proof that you can be trans and still say incredibly transphobic shit because those are the kind of statements you wind up making when you are dead set on defining One Specific And Correct Way To Experience Gender
i'm not even touching on how having an incredibly myopic worldview manifested in some race shit
#partially because i'm uninterested in turning this into a 'problematic things lily orchard has done' conversation#there are nine million of those#who give a shit#we ain't here for that right now#i'm trying to explain why her ideas are terrible in isolation to that
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It has come to my attention that SOME OF YOU who read my last Byler post remain UNCONVINCED. So I'm gonna tack onto it this:
I'm older than fucking God and air, and I've been out and proud since 2007. Yes, I know what homophobia is, and yes, I know what queerbaiting is. I know about Supernatural and Teen Wolf and Sherlock and blahdyblahdyblah. No new ground is being covered here. I thought I made that clear in the original post, but, clearly, I did not.
I am aware of queerbaiting and homophobia, and I'm still wholeheartedly certain in Byler being canon anyway.
Okay, so there are three types of relationship I want to discuss when it comes to queerbaiting. They're all, like, "queer relationships that could have happened, but didn't".
First off, queer-coding. This isn't really a thing so much anymore, but it still crops up every once in a while. I'd argue it probably happens most with male-male relationships in family shows these days. First example that comes to mind is Mr. Smiley and Mr. Frowny from Steven Universe. You can't make a relationship canon because some shitty overhead bastard overhead said no, so you get as close as you can without compromising the show. Can't make someone gay? Well, now their comedy routine is a blatant allegory for a romantic relationship. Boom-shaka-laka. This is something I don't see being a problem with regards to Stranger Things, but I want it to be there as contrast, a demonstration of one of many things queerbaiting is not. However, one could argue that, thus far, Will Byers is, canonically, queer-coded. It's pretty fucking heavily implied in the show, and the creators have confirmed it, and you're gonna be able to see it if you're not FUCKING BLIND, but word of god is not technically canon which means that interviews don't technically make something canon, blahdyblahdyblahdyblah, technicalities, Robin has been explicitly stated in the text to be queer while Will has, thus far, not, outside of good ol' Show-Don't-Tell. Of course, anyone with two brain cells to rub together can tell that that's going to change by the end of Season 5, but, hey, for what it's worth, I'm throwing this out there.
Alrighty, Thingamajingama Number Two: "Oops, I accidentally made the greatest love story known to man." AKA, a genuine, honest-to-goodness mistake. Unfortunately, we do live in a heteronormative society. Sometimes people who don't think about being gay much write a friendship that's incredibly compelling and don't even consider the possibility that it could have been read as romantic. Something something Top Gun something. This is, again, not queerbaiting. This is Steddie, this is Ronance, this is Elmax, this is your favorite flavor of non-canon ship this week, this is not Byler. The creators know DAMN well what they're doing. They've talked about it. We know this. Nothing new here.
Which brings us to the topic of discussion here. Actual queerbaiting. This usually starts out as an "accidental greatest love story", and then reacts to fan response. And when I say "reacts", I mean like a goddamn chemical reaction. Like bleach and ammonia, bitch. It's noxious and it's gonna kick your fucking ass without mercy. This is when a creator is like, "Hey, let's get our queer audience invested, but we're not actually going to give them what they want because our straight audience isn't here for that/we personally think it's gross/we don't give enough of a shit to want to research a goddamn thing to write a real gay character," blah blah blah whatever excuse they want to come up with this time.
And when you think "queerbaiting", I want you to think "bullying". Because that's what it is. It's lucrative bullying, like beating us up and taking our lunch money, but it's bullying all the same. And it's a real goddamn thing, even if people misuse the word a lot, often when they mean one of the two above, sometimes when they mean "bury your gays", which is another homophobic thing entirely that I'm not going to get into here. Queerbaiting is the thing we're focused on, and it's real, and it's bullying. And here's the reason I want you to think of it as bullying:
They
Think
It's
Funny.
They are actively making fun of us.
That's why Dean had the "Cas, get out of my ass," line in Supernatural. It's why the "Do you like boys?" line happened in Teen Wolf. It's why "Lie with me, Watson," happened in the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies. Because "It's just a joke, mate." "It was just a prank, bro." "You didn't really think it would happen, did you?" "You should see your face."
So here's probably the biggest reason I don't think it's specifically queerbaiting in this specific instance of Will Byers and Mike Wheeler.
Stranger Things has never, not once, made a gay joke. Ever.
Every single time queerness comes up, it's dead serious.
Lonnie calls Will a fag, and the show is not at all reluctant to show what a goddamn horrible person he is. And when Hopper latches onto that, it's not as "Hahah, is he gay, though?" It's because he's trying to determine a potential motive for Will's disappearance, and even if someone had interpreted it as a joke, Joyce immediately has a line that functions as snapping her fingers in front of the audience's face and yelling "FOCUS" when she says "He's MISSING." Basically outright saying "This isn't funny!"
Troy calls him a fairy, along with targeting Lucas and Dustin for their skin color and disability respectively, and Mike gets damn near murderous. Troy is portrayed as a goddamn monster and the show portrays it as justice when El makes him piss his pants and later breaks his arm.
Steve calls Jonathan "queer" as a slur and gets the shit beat out of him for it.
Billy's father is revealed to be homophobic and abusive in the same breath.
Mike says "It's not my fault you don't like girls!" and we're shown how devastated Will is and Mike immediately follows him to beg for forgiveness.
There is a joke in Robin's coming-out scene, but it's not at Robin's expense. It's at Steve's. Specifically for being heteronormative.
Jonathan has multiple scenes where he's trying so hard to tell Will that he's always going to love him as he is, whether he's gay or not, without pressuring him to come out before he's ready.
Even when there's a little bit of ribbing at Robin's expense, it's always because she's an awkward nerd who's nervous around pretty girls, just the same as Lucas and Dustin are teased when they both first develop crushes on Max, and even then, even then, it always comes as a package deal where they make fun of Steve's girl problems at the same time.
Stranger Things is an emphatically pro-gay show. It may not be the core point of the show the way it is in, say, Our Flag Means Death, but there is nothing less than respect for its queer characters. Its queer characters are always taken completely seriously. No one is making fun of us. They never have. That's why I have serious doubts that this is queerbaiting. It would come completely out of left field for the bullying to start in Stranger Things' final season.
So it's not at all likely to be queerbaiting because queerness is taken completely seriously. The creators have talked about Will's queerness, at least, so it's not an accident. And queer-coding would be silly to expect from this show when it's already on its final season. Like, what is Netflix gonna do? Cancel it? Not to mention all the explicit queerness that's in there already. And no one's gonna "What about the children?" a show that's had sex scenes in it since the first season.
There's no fakeout here. It's gonna happen. Breathe.
#byler#Part 2 I fucking guess.#Wasn't planning on making a Part 2 but here we are.#I seriously just want you guys to feel safe.#I'm not naive. I do not say any of this shit lightly.#But I've been around the block long enough to know what queerbaiting looks like and this ain't it. Promise.#Will's already been confirmed as in love with Mike for fuck's sake. You don't think the other half of the equation's gonna follow through?#There has only ever been one other situation where I've gone 'Okay this is going in gay places' with no doubt whatsoever without being told#And that was with Daja in Tamora Pierce's 'Will of the Empress' when I read it at like sixteen or whatever#and she wound up having whole-ass fuckin' gay sex.#I was right then and I'm right now. I swear.
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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Me to Google: I think my new hyperfixation isn't a new tv show or book, but A Literal Person
My phone: *notification pops up* Get Help
#he's way too abusable too#we're both kind of young#i remember one of my other friends we got too close too fast#we did the typical high school take turns being the therapist thing#i leaned on him way too much & i felt kind of abused by him sometimes but looking back i was also kind of abusive#we were just so toxic by the end#i dont want that to happen here.#last time i hyperfixated on a person i was way too open & way too clingy#i need to Not with this guy#besides he's straight#& doesnt live in canada#he's not Métis (not that that's non-negotiable; i ain't racist)#I'm too pagan folk catholic & non denominational for him#he's cis (that's also negotiable)#he's an absolute hopeless romantic (I don't want to be another failure for him)#I'm just not right for him#& i want to be just his friend#& he just wants to be mine#BUT I CAN'T HELP IT HE'S LIKE MY OTHER HYPERFIXATIONS#THEY TAKE UP ALL MY THOUGHTS#(i think i HAVE hyperfixated on people more than the once now that I think abt it; & online chats are nothing)
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tagged by the exceptional @cordiallyfuturedwight and @cosmicdreamgrl thanks ever so much my loves <33
now tagging some heroes @aprylynn @thvinyl @visionsofgideontheninth @hoseeok @btscontentenjoyer @jihopesjoint @monismochi @raplinenthusiasts <333 and everyone else
#and now with further ado:#good luck babe- if this hasn't been on rotation then you have an estranged relationship with pleasure and we've nothing to say to eachother#june baby - saw victoria canal open for hozier last year and have been in love since. this one is fab#kyrie - i watched the way way back a couple weeks ago and couldn't get this out of my head. great film. even greater 80s banger.#anyway i need sam rockwell in a way that is concerning#rotterdam - nothing to say about this one other than it's a beautiful song#deadly valentine - is it possible to watch too much of amc's interview with the vampire? probably. this lead me here. to the french.#charlotte gainsbourg you will always be famous#be the one - i'm just going to say it. objectively the best dua lipa track. won't be taking any further questions. watch her glasto set.#don't push it - this went platinum in my bedroom last week. floor filler. 70s funk is somwthing that can be so personal actually#cinderella - in remi we trust. just keeps knocking them out of the park#ain't we got fun - what can i say? it's my cost of living crisis anthem. blasting this at the polling booth thurs#don't tell me - exceptional tune. possibly (probably) my fav madge. this will be on repeat all summer#that'll do?#receiptify#tag#honourable mention to k.d. lang making the artist list!! constant craving am i right
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I had surgery again
I'm fine! Again. Just another procedure following the last one, and barring any complications the surgeon is pretty convinced that this ought to be the last procedure I'll need! 🎉
This time however I'm far less mobile, and haven't been able to use my laptop without the onscreen accessibility keyboard, so no graphics tablet for me for a while.
I've got some old posts and asks and the like languishing in my drafts so this might be a good time to dust them off...
This is just a quick update on my disappearing trick; Hopefully I'll be back to up to my no good antics sooner rather than later!
#surgery tw#medical tw#illness tw#ah shit here we go again#I AM fine but lordy#can't wait till these stiches are OUT#plus built up scar tissue might need excising BUT I ain't thinkin 'bout that right now#No more general anaesthetic for meeee!#mickules#mick text
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feeling v proud of myself for eyeing something and thinking “that seems like it's 70 inches” then it was 😌
#ms ma'am needs to return some curtains she got for her room oops 🙈#looked at it when i got home like ah yes. i should have measured that but alas. the lack of brain cells 2day#im still catching up energy wise 😮💨 feels nice 2 slowly get settled though!!#now that ik i can hire movers to help i wanna furnish my place more. kind of. i also don't plan on living at this particular apartment for#more than a year‚ but it ain't too bad 😌 more importantly I'm Here!!! finally out of the city™#everyone I've talked to so far has been rly chill.#Seattle im not going to miss you..#only Someone.. but we will visit each other ♡ he's coming over to see me on my vacation and im taking it late next month ^.^#not going anywhere just like.. god I've been so strong and brave about everything for the past year n a half/2yrs#but i NEED to rest!! idk how much time i have but i know i have over a week maybe 2#2 sounds right.. been a while since i checked 😳 i want to roam and explore...#omg and i think i know my First Place i want to go check out (。ノω\。) theres a fish hatchery im rly curious abt. I've never been! 😯#╰( ̄ω ̄o) they got some other fun places too. aquarium + a(t Least one) zoo
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not to start shit but. tell me you didn't understand princess jellyfish without telling me you didn't understand princess jellyfish
#idk idk something about the lines we draw to divide women being ultimately useless as they degrade both sides#something something bridging gaps between people with different interests#something something literal actual sisterhood and solidarity between women#i'm never one to defend tiktok i'm not even on there and it surprises me that princess jellyfish is being brought up#but like. what is this supposed to mean. to 'tiktokify' something#girlboss narrative what hello? what? you're throwing words at me and i don't know what they mean#but it's hilarious that this post comes off as something the sisterhood would have posted before all their character development#because this is a story about empowerment not through appearance- but that inner change is what beauty is made of#the development tsumiki and the other members of the sisterhood get is not that now they dress well#but that their often self-imposed isolation is not an antidote to os being ostracized in high school and having social anxiety#and that they've dehumanized other women in the process of defending themselves#and it's not that they have to change who they are of their interests but that they full accept themselves and can therefore#be comfort with who they are#and better navigate the world. and form friendships . and human connection and FUCK#like what are you talking about#sorry i know no one here follows me for princess jellyfish takes but that's what we're gonna get today#i think when you have a fandom / readership as small as pj (in the west at least) every bad take hits that much harder lmao#anyway. kuranosuke princess rights. we are all princesses. etc etc#princess jellyfish#kuragehime#screeds#screeds fR FR#txt#i didn't want to tag this person or show their name bc it ain't personal i just want to address takes like these .#“girl's girls are toxic” “not like other girls are toxic” what if we were all princesses idk. what if we loved each other
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Okay cool so this is was me all of this and last week fretting years off my life about the episode and I guess it's gonna be me next week fretting years off my life about next episode coolcoolcoolcool
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#c3e90#cr3#cr3 spoilers#bell's hells#I mean we know it was gonna be tense and chaotic but we have multiple episodes of this tension and chaos? I only have so little sanity#but yeah now I got more days to fret about it in different ways so thanks Matt I guess?#god what is ep100 gonna be like? I kinda want Dorian to return for 100 but at this point who knows? Maybe sooner? Maybe later?#what are we even gonna talk about on this month's 4SD? Like what do we pick?#we need off the moon asap now only Chetney's been having a decent time here giving toys to people#Liliana is pissed and on the warpath and I feel we ain't healed enough or levelled enough for this!#also I'm gonna need a clip of Fearne and Ashton hugging for Callowmoore reasons and all the fanart we can get#Ira did at least save Fearne before bolting which was nice even if we didn't get to kill Athion and steal his dragon for her (yet)#but 'don't let me float away'? Clutch at my rapidly beating heart why don't ya?#we all agree though that this should be the permanent table format right? The Imodna and Callowmoore roleplay demands physical contact!#I need to lie down but I also need to work because office hours freaking time zones and all...
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more songs we've added to our ford playlist recently with no context (except for the last one, check the tags)
999999999 in a dream by ada rook (added back after being removed for over a year yippie)
the moon doesn't mind by lord huron
the wolf by fever ray
under my skin by jukebox the ghost
#we listen to 'under my skin' and think 'manipulation and abuse' not 'romance'#the being 'under the singer's skin' is manipulating them. the singer is attached to them but the being is just using them#('i think that you are just a grin' and 'i don't think there's anyone under your skin')#('i can feel you laughing under my skin and the happy palpitations are making me grin')#(our thoughts on two ways that last bit could go:#the singer (ford in this case) is misinterpreting the reason for the laughter#or. bill possessing ford. bill's ('under his skin' and therefore possessing him and/or in his mind)#laughter is causing the body he's puppeteering around to grin)#'but oh no not a chance in hell. yeah i've heard you sing but it ain't too well'#'heart melts yeah you meant so well but your song's no good round here'#^ ford right after being betrayed. still grappling with the idea that bill did that to him-#and his reasons for doing so. did he ever mean well? why did he do what he did?#it's also worth noting this lyric 'england has a way of getting under my skin and my family has a way of getting under my skin'#a more negative connotation paired with the being the singer's talking about being under their skin too#and clearly not being all they seem (the lyrics stated earlier + lyrics like 'i wish you were dead babe i wish you were dead'#and 'i can feel your heart beating under my skin and the beating of your heart is making me bleed from within'#could go on but you get the idea by now
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My apologies for being kinda quiet today.
#tbh things are#not good for me mentally right now#just a haha funny brain moment#but just hit me that for the first time#I'm not going to have my granddad call and wish me a happy birthday#i got 26 years with him and that's more than anyone can ever ask#but...#that man raised me#sure my parents were around#but it was my grandma and grandpa who raised me#they were the ones i lived with after my parents divorced#and i feel like i should be over my mourning#but i think about him every now and again and i have to push it out of my mind#because it helps nobody if i just...#break down#but i know that it's not healthy to pack my shit away all the time#it's not a good thing to compartmentalize all my emotional turmoil to deal with later#ah...the mind is a funny thing ain't it#i dunno i always figured that he'd be here to see me get married#but things don't always work how we want em to.#i miss him#i miss him and my grandmother so much
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it kinda just hit me like a load of bricks how indescribably, textually horny the last few chapters of married-gunter!revelation are gonna be. :')
#ch25's moment? imindanger.jpg#ch26? some of those lines are straight up 'i would hatefuck you right here. right now.'#post everything? dear god you know that 'we survived' sex was fire#i know it looks like i am utterly deranged but like. reread some of his possessed lines. and tell me it ain't true.#i can't be toooooo mad at nintendo taking out his supports there because yrmr would not be written other wise but like.#literally holy fuck actual canon villain daddy kink is the /PLOT/. this route just might be my favorite fe game ngl#the rest of my thoughts is just a whole lot of [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]#krad loveblogs revelation: true golden route
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screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!
#not about j we're good - about the friend who i haven't shut up about in the 14 years i've been on the hellsite#the fun part is that i know his forever career and his forever whereabouts and it will break my heart into shards for the rest of my life!#and goddamnit we weren't romantically together but instead together as part of a weirdly codependent friend group of four and we were#near identically weird and fucked up emotionally and in our humor and how we spoke and how we meshed and i will NEVER fucking get over it!!#i'm still agog that i sent you a last chance hail mary sort of letter like the lyrics in this song about how i think about you often and#have always believed in you and been rooting for you like all the rest of us who knew you before things got really bad because you were and#are such a fucking incredible person and musician and friend and so smart and creative and LOVABLE! i said that in the letter without#realizing alanis said that in one of THE best lost love songs of all goddamn time!#i wish i could tell you one more time - right now today immediately or better yet five years ago - how i have always loved and admired you#and everything about you. even now. all the way out here in iowa i am still loving you with everything i have in me every single day#knowing i will never speak to or see you again [i think about you all the time but i don't need the same] and i finally started to admit#that to myself and my friends and my therapist in 2021 and i'm more at peace with it than i ever was or thought i could be in 2019 and 2020#but i know it's gonna take my whole lifetime to get a grip on it and accept it. and it'll stop hurting one of these days. i know it will#i don't think i've ever loved a friend as much as I loved you. i think you were the best friend i've ever had#and that's one of the nastiest parts of it - we were good friends and you did seem to like me plenty#but i think i was the w-h-auden_morelovingone.txt by a mile. i was a weird obsessed stage 10 clinger.#and that's surely a large part of the dwelling and the fixation. if things had been more equal then maybe it'd be very different now.#guess i'll die because i sure ain't finding out!!#HELLO LOVES HAVE SOME RICH NUTRITIOUS ANNIE LORE ON THIS FINE FREEZING COLD SUNDAY AFTERNOON!#love letters
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I'm really glad eleven years of AoS fandom has given me a crash course in curating my fandom experiences because lordy
#i love being in bj and bb fandom but man a lot of you need to touch grass on both sides of the equation#bb is nice and i love it but going through the tag a lot of big names here make me want to retreat harder in my safe lil wolf hole#not here to spread fandom negativity but i think we all need to be a little more normal about enjoying and interacting with fiction#and conspiracy theories ain't it#have the same feelings about aos fandom even within my own spaces so this is not coming from a place of wanting to cause drama#i can love a fandom AND be critical of the people in it#and tbh i'm feeling very intimidated right now#anyway. ignore this.#deliberately not tagged and names not spelled out i just need to vent#probably going to delete later
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bruuhhhhh, looking for mental health counseling is EXHAUSTING wtf
#so now i see why i didnt do this shit this winter bc holy hell#i have been calling around and emailing ppl for like the better part of 2 weeks now#jfc#no matter who i seem to call or email#they just..... either have conflicting hours with my own schedule or they sound Bad. over the phone#im trying to avoid god awful therapists but man is that kinda hard#esp as a queer individual in my area this shit ain't easy#i submitted a new patient form on an office's website that looks pretty promising tho? i think??#I HOPE?!#they at the very least seem to be lgbtq+ friendly. like. damn i mean thats really the bare minimum nowadays but#anyways#i emailed another person just now to see if i can get a consult with her but man........ these emails dont look right bro#lord this is like trying to navigate a fucken landmine-filled field#ugh#this sucks man#why are we as a nation so fucking behind mental health services that entire counseling offices exist but they're not even listed on google#DO THEY exist anymore? WHO KNOWS!!#how can i tell that this number i'm calling is even in-service anymore. or if this number is even the office's number at all?#shit's bleak out here. glad i waited until summertime and after i sorted my health insurance stuff out#bc i canNOT see myself doing this mid-january#fuck that#clown horn
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Nothing like being fine, having a good week, and then suddenly everything is Not Fine
#molly vents#i'm still grieving and it's still hard#when i lost my best friend (not through death!!!!) my mom suggested that we could go out for ice cream#but not just the two of us like invite my cousin as well#it was gonna happen tomorrow#my cousin's brother and mom were gonna come to#i had to wait a while for this because schedules just weren't working out#i was so excited#but nope that ain't happening#because of course its not#and this is leading me into a spiral like i am NOT okay#making posts here because like i just#the one person i'd go to is no longer my friend so like what do i do#i feel so overwhelmed and self destructive (mentally not physically thankfully)#i know there are things i can do to help myself but it all feels so overwhelming#i am way to overwhelmed#the tiniest of things are causing me to break down#i literally cannot take it right now i can't stop crying#i don't know who to reach out to or HOW#if someone spoke to me right now i think i'd just cry even more i literally can't handle my emotions#gufijdksgdoafpdosafd i just want my friend back
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