#we KNOW they auditioned and earned the roles like u can look that up... the auditions weren't easy by any means lol

[pinkprettycure]

saw wicked today and I'll gladly take my "smarter than you" award for being the only one here who was right. like always :)

[taelme]

Enemies-to-lovers!Changbin

request: Hiiiii I read you bangchan enemies to lovers au and I swear if I could like a post more than once I'd like that one a MILLION TIMES I'm wondering if maybe you could write an enemies to lovers au for changbin pretty please? 🥺🥰 genre: enemies-to-lovers!au (again, not Super extreme, low-key clash bc they’re both stubborn), film club president!Changbin, childhood penpal!au (fluff, very mild angst, they bicker a lot, kind of cheesy bc changbin’s a sap and we know that) pairing/s: Changbin / Reader (ft some skz members)  word count: 17k+ tw: mild coarse language (they say shit a lot LOL)  a/n: THE ANON WHO REQUESTED THIS...IM PRETTY SURE you waited months for this so thank you for being so so so patient!! I decided to try something a little different from my usual style but idk if it’s That Obvious, but its more structure wise I guess, but nonetheless, I'll be getting a little busier soon so I’m not sure If I'll be able to put out Full one shots for the next few months but I'll try my best w those little shorter ones maybe! (I'll have to see how Tired I am) also p.s I love this gif thank u to whoever made it but changbin is blonde in this fic bc of Personal Reasons 

To: my penpal Y/N

How are you?

I had a good day today. Sorry if the paper is crunchy I am writing this on my bed because my mom thinks I am already asleep. Today I went out with my mom and we went to the park and ate some sandwiches at the park. We had a picnic but with no juice because my sister finished everything. And then we went to the toy shop after lunch. I saw a keychain of a camera and bought it for you because you like acting and cameras can take a video of you acting.

This is a picture of me next to the wishing well at the park, you cannot see it but i’m making a peace sign. I threw a coin in the well and made a wish that your audition will be good. I know you will do very well because you practiced a lot for it. That’s all. I’m a bit tired now. Goodnight, or good morning if you are reading this in the morning. Or afternoon.

I hope i’ll be hearing from you soon, Binnie.  

“So, do you wanna keep them? If not I can chuck them together with the rest of your old things,” your mom began, already reaching over to take the letter from you.

Your eyes widened just as quickly, shaking your head quickly as you gripped the envelope and its contents behind your back away from her reach.

“No, no. Don’t throw them away,” you said sternly, softening your gaze when you noticed the way her eyebrows had raised in amusement, embarrassment washing over your features.

“I’ll keep them. Gimme the box.”

Your mom set the beaten looking converse shoebox down onto the table, shaking her head at you as a small chuckle escaped her. Mental note to transfer the letters to a smaller (and more durable) box. 

“Alright, alright,” she waved her hands at you in dismissal, “hurry up or you’ll be late for school.”

She shut the door behind her with a light thud, leaving you to stare at the grainy polaroid your childhood penpal had sent you when you both were only eight and still exchanging letters every week.

Inhaling deeply, you shoved the polaroid picture back into the envelope, slipping it into the box of envelopes before getting up. You figured that was a box you wouldn’t have the time to delve into when you were already keeping Jisung waiting.

Driving as fast as you could (or as fast as you dared to) within the speed limit, you’d reached your campus soon enough. It wasn’t that long of a drive and it would be even shorter (walking distance to be specific), when you move into your apartment nearer to campus in a few days. But that didn’t change the fact that you were running late now, spotting Jisung standing by the fountain with a sour look on his face that had only deepened once he’d spotted you.

Before an utterance of apology could leave you, Jisung had pursed his lips, stretching out his hand that held your cup of drink, a small hint of a smile playing at his lips.

“I’m starting to wonder which one of us has worse time management,” he sighed deeply, shaking his head with feigned disappointment as he glanced at his nonexistent watch on his wrist.

Jisung was one to talk, for sure. His crumpled looking shirt over baggy cargo pants and a hat to cover his head of messy hair told you his journey to school wasn’t exactly ‘leisurely’ either.

You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of your drink and sighing at the taste, “it’s definitely you. I was only late today ‘cause my mom was showing me my old stuff she found in the storeroom.”

Jisung waved you off, “fine, whatever,” he fished his phone out of his pocket as you started walking towards the auditorium for a class you were both dreading.

“Oh, shit, Hyunjin says the professor’s already in class, we should hurry up.”

Quickening your pace, you were glad to have reached before your professor had started, Jisung directing you towards where Hyunjin was seated at the side of the auditorium, giving him a small nod as you sat down.

Not that Hyunjin noticed anyway, the said boy busy with messaging someone on his phone with a frown on his face.

“What are you doing?”

Jisung peered over Hyunjin’s shoulder, frankly not wanting to focus on the lesson as the professor played a video on boring business things he figured he could just ask you for later.

Hyunjin sighed, setting his phone down onto the table and pushing his laptop open further, going to his email with quick clicks on his trackpad, “gotta send the scene for the auditions later to Changbin.”

“Oh, for that film thing?” Jisung asked, earning a nod from Hyunjin, whose eyebrows furrowed as they remembered your presence.

“Y/N should audition,” Hyunjin nodded his head towards you, his mention of your name distracting you momentarily, but you’d brushed it off quickly as you tried to take down whatever your professor was rambling on about.

At your lack of response, Jisung nudged your shoulder with more force, “hey, did you hear what Hyunjin said?”

You tore your gaze reluctantly from your professor as your fingers finished typing whatever you had left in your memory, the confused look on your face prompting Hyunjin to take over.

“We’re having auditions later for the movie the film club’s gonna be making,” he started, nodding slowly as his eyebrows raised, “I was saying you should join, you’d be good for the role.”

You narrowed your eyes at Hyunjin, “what’s it about?”

Jisung huffed, “some cheesy penpal shit, the last I heard.”

Your quirked an eyebrow at that, Hyunjin rolling his eyes.

“Something like that, but it’s not super romantic. They’re childhood penpals who meet again in the future but they don’t end up together, I don’t know how to explain it to you as well as Changbin can, but will you come anyway?”

You scrunch your nose as you consider his offer.

Was there anything you needed to prepare? You didn’t even know exactly what you were signing up for. Or much less anyone in the film club. Well, other than Hyunjin, of course.  

“Is there any script I'm supposed to prepare with?” you asked, making Hyunjin’s eyebrows raise, his lips parting in realisation.

“I’m pretty sure it depends on what role you want…” he trailed off, making you scoff.

Not being able to help the laugh from escaping you, you narrowed your eyes at him, “you sound like you’re not even in the club.”

Hyunjin flashed you a sweet smile, “you know what? I’ll just send you what I sent Changbin. You can just prepare with that! Penny’s role!”

Jisung snorted, his hand coming up in a poor attempt to stifle his giggles.

“Penny? Is it because...she’s a pen pal?”

You pressed your lips into a firm line, finding it awfully amusing as well.

Hyunjin frowned, scrunching his nose up in distaste, “we couldn’t think of anything better, okay?”

You huffed, lower lip jutting out in a small pensive pout. You didn’t have much going on in terms of school productions as of now, anyway, you guessed there would be no harm in showing some support for Hyunjin.

“What time are the auditions?”

“They start from lunchtime until like five,” Hyunjin tried his best to recall, looking at you with his best pleading gaze.

Sighing again, you nodded, “this is my only class for today.”

Hyunjin was practically beaming now.

“Perfect.”

===

“I don’t like it.”

Hyunjin sputtered over his sip of coffee, an incredulous expression on his face, attracting looks from the other film club members in the dance studio. Excusing himself, he’d made his way outside, oblivious to the squeals and stares the girls waiting to audition were directing towards him, settling himself in the middle of the field outside the dance studio.  

“What do you mean, ‘you don’t like it’?” he asked you again, his eyebrows furrowed as curiosity took over him.

You sighed, rolling your shoulders back as you nodded at one of your teachers you were walking past, your grip relaxing on your phone as your arm had started to get tired.

“I mean, I read through the script, and something about Penny’s character just doesn’t sit right with me,” you told him, “it just… doesn’t make sense for her to come to that conclusion when she’d been having a perfectly good time with the guy before that, you know?”

Pausing, you’d waited for him to respond, his silence prompting you to continue with your elaboration.

“Okay, I’ll put it this way,” you started, adjusting your grip on your laptop in your arm, “If I were a reader, or like, a viewer in this case, I would wanna be able to pick up on these small moments or signs that Penny is actually thinking about her relationship, do you know what I mean? Because now the way it looks is that she’s just a plot device meant to hurt him, and that there’s no exploration of the development of their relationship at all.”

Hyunjin let out a deep sigh, “Okay, I know, I know, but the thing is… this was Changbin’s idea, and I don’t know if you’ve heard—I mean, you probably have, but… nobody really questions him.”

You hummed, following Hyunjin into the school building and tugging your coat tighter around yourself, the cold air in the building shocking you as you entered.

“Yeah, I get that, but you’re forgetting that I don’t have the same relationship with this Changbin guy that you guys do. I don’t mind telling him that I have a problem with it. I don’t wanna be acting out some two-dimensional love interest character if I can help it.”

Hyunjin grimaced, not seeming to be too keen on your insistence, “I really think it might be a little late for him to change the script.”

“It’s never too late.”

“Well to Changbin it could be!” Hyunjin insisted, making you roll your eyes, a small chuckle leaving you.

You huffed, “I still think the audience deserves a better film with better crafted characters.”

Hyunjin let out a sound in between a sigh and a groan, “Okay fine, you just have to make sure you get the role, and then you’re free to argue with Changbin all you want. Deal?”

“Deal,” You turned the corner and spotted Hyunjin standing in the middle of the field, already making his way back to the dance studio.

“Okay,” he spoke before you could end the call, “I gotta go, see you later.”

You didn’t expect there to be so many people at the auditions, mostly girls and just a handful of guys. Though you seemed to piece the uneven ratio together when you saw the not-so-furtive stares the girls would cast in Hyunjin’s direction whenever he’d peek his head out from the crack in the door to call the next person in.

You recognized one of the guys who’d come in later than you, one of Jisung’s upperclassmen friends whose name was Minho.

“Didn’t think i’d see you here,” he gave you a small smile as he took a seat next to you.

Shrugging in response, you let out an awkward huff of laughter, not used to talking to him about anything other than his cats and Jisung’s whereabouts.

“Yeah… well, Hyunjin asked me to come, so I figured I might as well,” you fiddled with the slip of paper with the scene printed on it, “not like I had anything better to do, anyway.”

Minho nodded slowly, leaning closer to you and dropping his voice to a murmur, “I’ve never seen any of these girls before.”

You huffed, “I’m pretty sure most of them are here for Hyunjin.”

“Oh yeah, makes sense,” Minho hummed, a small lilt of amusement to his tone, “where is he, anyway? He told me he would be here—”

Minho’s question was answered when the girls beside the both of you had erupted into harsh whispers and murmurs, tapping each other excitedly as Hyunjin could be seen through the window panel in the door, looking on seriously as one of the girls inside the room was auditioning.

You huffed, gesturing to the window.

“Found him.”

Inside the room, Changbin was distracted.

He knew he had a certain image in his head about what he wanted ‘Penny’ to be. But whatever the girls that had auditioned so far had been showing, that dramatic ‘i never loved you!’ emotion, that wasn’t exactly it. And it didn’t help either that they struggled letting go of the dramatics when Chan would prompt them to try a different angle.

Hyunjin cast a (mildly concerned) look at Changbin, trying to gauge his expression, figuring the pointed look Changbin had sent his way was enough to say he didn’t think this girl would be shortlisted.

“Who’s next?” Chan leaned over in his seat to peek at the clipboard of names of signups, Changbin leaning back in his seat and pushing the clipboard towards him, not finding it in him to be able to be more hopeful about the next person.

“Oh, Y/N,” Chan hummed, nodding with an impressed expression on his face, the name catching Changbin’s attention, “that’s cool, didn’t think they’d audition.”

“Y/N?” Changbin echoed, something about the name awfully familiar to him, yet not being able to make the connection in his memories yet.

So for now, he’d simply gestured to Hyunjin to signal that he could send the next girl in, Chan sweetly thanking the girl that had just auditioned as she left the room.

Making your way into the room, you scanned the ‘panel’ of judges.

You recognized Chan, the said pale-faced boy looking even more tired when he’d yawned as you made your way to the centre of the room. He came to your school productions often since he and Felix were friends, and Felix was always involved in some way or another. The other boy, though, you didn’t think you’d seen before.

The two of them seemed to exude completely different auras, with Chan smiling warmly at you and gesturing for you to come closer while the other boy sat with his arms folded across his chest, frowning at you as though you were a code to decipher.

“Hey, didn’t expect to see you here,” Chan broke the silence first, giggling.

You shook your head, “honestly didn’t think i’d sign-up either.”

You pressed your lips together in a tight-lipped smile, rocking back on your heels as you glanced at the boy next to him again, “I actually only heard about it from Hyunjin this morning,” you admitted, Hyunjin flashing Chan a grin from behind you as if to say ‘you’re welcome’.

Changbin cleared his throat, making Chan perk up.

“Right, sorry. So, we’ve obviously met but this is our club’s president Changbin,” he gestured to the boy sitting next to him.

Changbin nodded curtly, bringing his hand up to run it through his bleached hair and shoving his cap back on his head with habitual movements.

Now you were starting to understand why Hyunjin was so intimidated by Changbin, always having heard stories about him but only now being able to put a face to the name.

Nodding slowly, you gave him a smile, “nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.”

Changbin had to stop himself from faltering, his breath hitching when he realised why your name was so familiar.

After all, it had been the first candidate before they’d decided to go with ‘penny’. He wondered how cruel fate was to have brought you, someone with the same name as the person he’d practically based this story on, to be auditioning for the very role.

You tried not to be offended by the way Changbin had simply nodded at you, straightening up in his seat, “and you’ll be auditioning for the role of…?”

Would it hurt him to smile?

You inhaled deeply, trying to hide your amusement as you answered him, “Penny.”

Changbin nodded, Chan humming as he looked up from his copy of the script to give you another reassuring smile.

“Alright, whenever you’re ready. I’ll be taking the lines of the male lead,” Chan told you.

You understood that the scene was some sort of scene where the two romantic leads have some sort of confrontation, and you did your best to get into what you imagined Penny would be feeling, Chan reading the line asking if ‘penny’ had even loved him at all. Dramatic was the word to describe it, really.  

You softened your gaze, unintentionally letting it rest on Changbin but deciding to let it stay there, executing your lines all the while trying to ignore the way Changbin’s stare was unnerving you, making you want to prove to him that you were a good actor even though he hadn’t questioned your acting skills.

Hyunjin had been watching the exchange closely, Changbin’s grip on his pencil loosening as he’d let the pencil fall softly against the table.

Changbin wondered if it was some sort of coincidence, because whatever ‘it’ was that he’d been looking for in Penny’s character, you’d managed to convey almost perfectly.

And it was clear that Chan had felt the same way as well, since once your audition was over, the smile on Chan’s face was nothing but beaming.

Once you’d left the room, Hyunjin telling you that they would contact you by the next morning, Chan had turned to Changbin, the same stupid smile on his face.

“That was great!” he nudged Changbin, the younger boy still recovering from the shock of the coincidence of it all, managing to muster a small huff in response.

“Yeah,” Changbin reached over to grab his water bottle, prolonging his silence as he took a long sip, “I don’t think we’d even need to see the rest.”

Chris scrunched his nose up, grinning, “but you know we still will, of course. Just in case.”

Changbin sighed, glancing at the clock, agreeing with Chan even though he knew he’d already had his mind made up.

“Yeah, just in case,” Changbin mumbled, looking out the window and seeing you talk to Minho, tearing his gaze away and rolling his shoulders back.

“Okay, send the next one in.”

===

To: Binnie

How are you?

I’m okay. I like the picture you sent me of you using your scooter. My mom says you look nice. I think so too.

Today I went to the museum and I ate an ice cream for lunch. I don’t have a picture of it but it was a Strawberry ice cream.

I just finished reading your letter. Sorry to say it using a bad word, but i think what your sister did was stupid. I think you should still tell her to ask for permission to use your scooter. But if she still does not listen, maybe you should tell her again. Because my mom always tells me that if I want something, I have to ask for it. So you should do that. Maybe she does not know you don’t like it when she plays with your scooter. Or, you could buy a new scooter. Here is some money so you can buy a scooter. I drew you $50 because that is a lot of money. I hope you have a good day when you read this.

Till next time, Your penpal Y/N.

You weren’t the world’s kindest human alive, you had your petty moments. I mean, there were so many songs and literature and movies that highlighted that idea that no human was perfect, right? But you tried your best, surely.

So, you’d gladly complied when Hyunjin asked you to grab extra cups of coffee for Chan and Changbin (as reluctant as you were. You were strapped for cash as it was).

You figured that was the least you could do before the trouble you were about to cause the both of them. But hopefully, if office etiquette was anything to go by, the simple gesture would show that you were kind, and someone who appreciated the offer given to you, as much as you hated the superficiality of your character.

However, when you showed up at the room, you were reminded that Changbin wasn’t just anyone. And while Chan made his appreciation known, Changbin… was the same as ever. Intimidating, and very hard to read. The sight of it almost made you want to take back his coffee.

He wasn’t wearing a hat today. Instead, he’d let his blonde hair (which looked darker since the last time you saw him, or maybe it was just his dyed-black undercut) fall messily over his forehead in a slight side part.

His black shirt did nothing to hide his physique, every movement of his coming across as a subtle flex, making you have to remind yourself time and time again that you weren’t exactly here to fawn over him.

He would lean back in his seat, scrolling through whatever he was looking at in his phone with one hand, his other hand draped over his stomach and propped underneath his elbow to support it. The way he would look made it seem as if he was almost oblivious to the world around him, only paying attention to what was on his phone until he would laugh at something Chan said, Chan being the only person you’ve seen that managed to elicit seemingly uncharacteristic giggles from him.

Though it wasn’t as if you were given much time to get used to it. The moment Chan had murmured something in his ear, his expression had switched back to ‘strictly business’.

Chan straightened up, looking around the room with his eyebrows slightly raised in question, one hand adjusting the braided leather bracelet around his wrist

“So, shall we get started then?” Chan asked, gesturing to Changbin before typing away at his laptop.

Changbin took his cue, getting up from his seat and making his way around the table to the front of the room, pulling the overhanging screen up to reveal the whiteboard.

“So, first of all, we’ve finalised the actors playing the characters,” he gestured towards you and Minho, “Minho as Soobin and Y/N as Penny. So, we can start shooting about next week. I would say we’re working with a pretty loose deadline because we don’t have to submit it until a few months from now.”

Changbin rolled his shoulders back, his body language seeming fairly relaxed although his expression remained serious nonetheless, “but that doesn’t mean we should slack, obviously.”

His statement elicited a small groan from Hyunjin, who muttered a ‘figures’ under his breath, making you stifle your giggles for Changbin’s sake.

“But we will start with maybe going over the script once through, go over the technical stuff after we get any issues with the flow out of the way.”

He looked as though he were going through a mental list of things to cover, his gaze flickering momentarily to Hyunjin, as if his face would give him answers to the invisible question in his head.

“The people in charge of the props, have you started preparing the letters?” Chan stepped in, earning a shake of the head from the two girls sitting next to Hyunjin, making Changbin wave a hand dismissively in their direction.

“They could start on that after we confirm the script,” Changbin leaned over the table to grab his cup of coffee, proceeding to take a long sip from it.

“Alright, let’s start then.”

Changbin took the empty seat he was standing next to, pulling his laptop closer to him to pull up the script.

Throughout the reading, you tried to keep your comments to yourself, you really did. It just fascinated you how fearful the team was of Changbin (well, aside from Chan), the way everyone seemed to bite their tongues or withhold their comments caused a permanent frown to be etched on your face.

It didn’t make it any better that Minho seemed to have no problems with the script, not even when you’d occasionally leant over to whisper to him and ask if he found that part a little weird or a little abrupt. But you held your tongue for now, (and also because of the side glance Hyunjin would cast your way whenever you would let out a small sigh),  you wanted to give Changbin the benefit of the doubt, figuring maybe if he read through his script again he’d realise how one-sided it was.

But thankfully, when you were reading out the lines where the two main characters had ended their date, and on a particularly high note for that matter, it seemed the opportunity to voice your concerns about the script was presented to you when Changbin had spoken up.

“Okay, since the next scene onwards will be where their relationship breaks down, any questions so far?” He asked, though his tone didn’t sound like he was really asking for feedback. But, hey, an opportunity as an opportunity, wasn’t it?

You cleared your throat a little too harshly, raising up your hand as you leaned against the table to be seen better, “uh, actually, me? I mean, I have some feedback actually.”

Changbin looked at you curiously, his gaze landing on you with slight surprise, as if he hadn’t expected it to be you of all people. There was a slight hesitancy evident in the way he paused before giving you a short nod, prompting you to go ahead.

You smiled, ignoring the way Hyunjin had sighed deeply a few seats away from you, dreading the chaos that could have come with people like you and Changbin bumping heads.

“Well, it’s not really specific to this scene. It’s kind of about the whole flow of the plot in general…” you fiddled with the corner of the page you were on, “but I was thinking it would be better to show more of Penny’s point of view? You know, because when I was reading it it just felt a little… weird for them to suddenly break up if everything seemed to be going fine.”

Changbin narrowed his eyes at you, looking back down at his computer with a simple dismissive shake of the head, “That’s not necessary, they’re going to break up anyway.”

The room had fallen silent, everybody seeming to have taken that as a ‘end of the conversation’ kind of line, already beginning to bring their attention to the next scene.

You frowned, unable to control your expression as you made your dismay obvious, casting a desperate look to Hyunjin who honestly looked as though he would pay you not to pursue this.

“But that’s not the point,” you spoke, getting Chan’s attention as he looked at you, silently urging you to continue, “you wanted to show their relationship, right? So, shouldn’t you show… both their parts in the relationship? Since it’s not like this is told in Soobin’s point of view.”

Changbin pursed his lips, “the point is,” he brought his cup of coffee to his lips, taking a small sip before continuing, “their relationship was superficial so it doesn’t matter.”

You mirrored his expression. The way it sounded was that he was just trying to convince himself that it didn’t matter.

Your frown deepened, quick to respond to him.

“That’s the thing, if you’re so insistent on them breaking up, why don’t you just make their relationship lead up to that? The way they’re interacting up to this scene makes viewers think they’re just going to end up together,” you tried to reason, hoping Changbin would understand where you were coming from.

Minho took that opportunity to excuse himself to the bathroom, and as you gave the rest of the film club members a once-over, you hated the way they were all looking at you as if you were cussing Changbin out instead of just giving him constructive feedback, or just voicing your thoughts for that matter.

“Well, not everyone gets a happy ending, I guess.”

He was practically avoiding your message at this point, making you grow more frustrated.

“Okay, look, what’s your intention behind making this film?” you asked, watching carefully as Changbin huffed, looking fairly amused at your insistence, which only served to irk you more.

“Simple,” he shrugged, “to show people like you that not everything that seems so perfect ends up perfect in the end.”

Your lips parted, scoffing, resisting the urge to get up from your seat as you heard Minho re-enter the room.

“People like me?” you echoed spitefully, “okay, fine, whatever. But as you said, if that’s the point of your discourse, shouldn’t your message be to tell people that they can work through things like this instead of just giving up and leaving like Penny did?”

Changbin was annoyed now. To him, you seemed too idealistic to understand his reasoning behind the story. He wondered why it had to be you that was telling him this, you were the only one that was trying to find problems with his story, that he’d based on his own life for that matter.

“Well what if she did, huh? What if Penny did just up and leave with no warning?”

You rolled your eyes, hearing Chan struggle to stifle his laugh, your exchange with Changbin being just about the most excitement he had in the whole school year.

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, “which is why I'm saying that your job as a storyteller is to shed some light on the reason behind that. Then your story wouldn’t be about showing how things don’t turn out the way they seem, it would just be telling you, but not showing you. You could just ask literally anybody to hurt Minho—”

“Soobin,” you heard Minho correct from beside you, making you huff, scrunching your eyes shut tightly before opening them harshly.

“—Yes, Soobin’s character, and it would be the same? The story wouldn’t show me anything other than the fact that it was Soobin’s fault he ended up that way. He didn’t question anything that happened, he just let it happen to him,” you sighed again, clenching your jaw, “Penny isn’t anything other than some 2-dimensional plot device designed as an excuse for Soobin to sulk about how cruel love is.”

Changbin scrunched his nose up, his brows knitting in annoyance as he stared at you, a silence falling again in the room. Changbin was about to interject when Chan had decided that would be a good time to step in.

“C’mon guys, let’s… calm down a little. We’re talking about penpals here, not the king’s lover betraying him.”

You cast Chan a questioning look at his example, making him shrug, continuing, “we’re running a little overtime anyway, we can just continue discussing this another time.”

Just like that, the rest of the film club members seemed eager to leave, either rushing for their next class or just not wanting to be in the same environment as an irritable Changbin.

Chan directed his gaze towards you as you were getting up from your seat, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

“I’m sure Changbin will keep your points in mind, don’t worry,” he reassured you just as Changbin chimed in with a ‘no, I won’t’ behind him, leaving the room promptly afterwards, leaving you free to let out the frustrated groan you had been withholding.

“Thanks, Chan. Sorry I kind of made you guys overrun your time,” you sighed, watching Hyunjin making his way to you with wide eyes.

Chan shook his head, holding his laptop securely in one arm as he let out a burst of giggles.

“No, don’t apologize! I should be thanking you, I didn’t think about your point until you mentioned it just now,” he murmured, “but again, sorry about Changbin. He’s just a little… protective of his work.”

Hyunjin let out a low whistle from next to you, “Extremely.”

You nodded, shrugging, “It’s alright, I get it.”

Chan flashed you a smile, his hand reaching out to give your shoulder a reassuring squeeze, “Thanks, again. See you around.”

Leaving the room with Hyunjin, you ignored the way he’d begun to chuckle to himself, “honestly, in this whole time i’ve been in the film club, i’ve never seen Changbin actually… argue with someone.”

You rolled your eyes, kicking at the stray pebble “well if he continues like this, you’re gonna be seeing a lot more of it.”

“You sure seemed like you were having fun, though, weren’t you?” Hyunjin was being sarcastic, knowing he was just doing this to dissuade you, his tone eliciting a scoff from you.  

You shook your head.

“You know for a fact I wasn’t. But it wouldn’t sit right with me if I just kept my mouth shut like you and the rest of your film club goons,” you shot him a pointed glare.

Hyunjin pressed his lips into a firm line, holding his hands up beside his head in surrender, prompting you to continue.

“If I want something done, I’m gonna ask for it. It’s as simple as that.”

===

To: my penpal Y/N

How are you?

Was your audition good? Thank you for the money. But $50 is a lot of money so I don’t think I should spend everything, my mom says I need to save money. Thank you for telling me what I should do, but in the end I didn’t buy another scooter. I did this because we were learning about needs vs wants in school and I think the scooter is a want. My teacher says this means I don’t really need it. But needs are things like colour pencils and pens and paper so I can write letters to send you. Maybe your mom tells you you cannot buy so many stickers because the stickers are a want and not a need.

Anyway, I think I can just let my sister take my scooter. Maybe I will just get another scooter for myself when I am older and I have more money.

I hope I will be hearing from you soon, Binnie.

As you said before, you weren’t perfect, but you surely did your best. But days like this you wondered if people like Changbin even tried.

After your interaction with said stubborn being during your meeting with the film club had put you in a bad mood, you were currently seated with Jisung in a booth at a popular burger outlet outside school, thankfully having managed to get a place in the midst of the anxious afternoon crowd. And even more thankful that you could eat your lunch in peace where you were very much away from Changbin.

“What did you say to him, again?” Jisung hadn’t bothered trying to hold in his laughter as he was almost shouting over the noise of the crowd, making you huff as you bit into your burger.

“I said it’s funny that he was talking so much shit about the main couple when he’s dedicating his entire movie to them,” you drawled, your annoyance returning as you recounted the spat you had with him during the small meeting you had with the film club just before lunch.

Jisung’s shoulders shook as he laughed, fumbling with his drink as his eyes shut tightly, giggles leaving him and seeming as though they would never end, “and that’s what you said word for word?”

You nodded, reaching over to press the lid of Jisung’s drink down firmer before he could spill it all over himself.

“I know you’re friends with him but I really don’t know how you work with this guy, he’s as stubborn as stubborn goes,” you huffed, taking another bite into your burger as Jisung’s laughter had died down, though his smile had only lingered.

“You’re worse,” he snickered, earning a glare from you.

Jisung remained unaffected, “Look, he’s honestly fine once you get to know him,” he tried to reason, sounding as though he were trying to convince a child to make friends, “I mean, we’re all still kind of wary around him when he’s in a mood but honestly, if not for the way you guys met, I’m pretty sure you two would get along well. He seems like he’s your type.”

Your eyes widened, scandalised at Jisung’s implication.  

“The only thing he has in common with my exes is being annoying, okay?” you rushed to push away the curiosity of what Changbin would be like as a boyfriend. Curse Jisung and his stupid implication.

“And plus,” you continued, hearing the doorbell chime for what sounded like the thousandth time to signal yet another entry into the diner that was now overflowing with people asking for take-out, “it’s not like he’s been very nice to me since I got involved with his stupid short film.”

Jisung sighed, his gaze momentarily distracted by something behind you, making you wave your hand in front of his face to keep his attention. He’d glanced back at you, an almost dazed look in his eyes before he’d given you a small smile, taking a bite out of his burger and not waiting to finish chewing before he answered you.

“I honestly think that he just needs a little more persuasion. Like, take this for example, something similar happened with him and Chan when they were composing something in the past, and trust me, if you don’t give up now, i’m pretty sure he’d agree to come to a compromise or something,” he gave you a shrug, his gaze returning to whatever was behind you (probably someone cute, you figured). You couldn’t say you blamed him; almost all your conversations revolved around you and Changbin’s squabbles these days.

You pursed your lips, narrowing your eyes at him, “you really think he’d be willing to rewrite his script?”

Your tone was skeptical, already imagining how Changbin would simply tell you to keep dreaming if you’d brought up the proposal to him.

At Jisung’s lack of response, you’d frowned slightly, seeing him turn back to you calmly as his smile widened, giving you yet another shrug.

“Maybe you can ask him yourself.”

If there was any feeling one would get just before something bad was about to happen, that was definitely what you were feeling now.

You didn’t dare to tear your gaze away from Jisung as you watched him turn his body, his hand coming up in a wave that had only turned into a hi-five, his behaviour only adequately described as boisterous as he welcomed the people you were hoping you wouldn’t have to see for another week until the next film club meeting.

Well, Chan was fine, you were simply referring to Changbin.

“Oh, hey, Y/N! Didn’t know you and Jisung were friends,” Chan gave you a sweet smile, gesturing between you and Jisung as he spoke.

Jisung chimed in with a nonchalant “Best friends, actually,” which had only made you shoot him a glare.

“Might have to re-evaluate that,” you muttered, turning back to Chan and Changbin to give them as warm a smile as you could muster.

“Are you guys eating here too?” you asked.

You were oblivious to the way Changbin’s gaze flickered from your face to the food in your hand, and then back to Jisung, looking perfectly unaffected as he joked with Jisung about something you didn’t quite catch.

“Well, we wanted to, but, you know, with the crowd and all we probably won’t be able to get a seat,” Chan’s gaze was pitiful, to say the least, making Jisung raise his eyebrows, and that sinking feeling within you had only intensified as his next sentence left his lips.

Jisung had barely glanced at you as he held onto Changbin’s hand.

“Well, our booth’s actually meant to seat four people, so you guys could squeeze in if you want,” he offered.

Changbin quirked his eyebrow, skepticism written all over his features, though mostly directed towards you, “you guys really won’t mind?”

You glared at your burger, scrunching your nose up as you avoided Changbin’s pointed gaze.

Jisung scoffed, giving Changbin a loud smack on the arm, “of course we won’t, right Y/N?”

He turned to you, giving you a smile you could only describe to be devious (and fairly amused).

“Yeah,” your voice took a pitch higher unintentionally, “go ahead,” you murmured, scooting into the booth to make space for them.

You took another bite from your burger, watching out of the corner of your eye as Changbin took a seat next to Jisung, Chan excusing himself to retrieve both their orders.

“Funny that you showed up, actually. Y/N and I were just talking about your short film,” Jisung spoke, earning a pointed glare for you, as if daring him to continue (and you should’ve known that wasn’t going to faze him at all).

“Oh, were you?” Changbin drawled, his eyebrows raised and a slight smile playing at his lips, “I’m sure Y/N had a lot to say about that.”

As you were about to speak, Jisung had interjected with a little giggle, “she did.”

Changbin didn’t seem to take Jisung’s comment as an answer, simply keeping his gaze fixed on you, prompting you to produce an answer of your own. You ignored the knowing look Jisung gave you.

You sighed, “maybe I wouldn’t, if someone just took my suggestions.”

Changbin had let out a small huff at that, leaning back in his seat with his arms folded over his chest as Chan returned to the table with his and Changbin’s food, casting curious glances between the three of you seated at the table.

“Hope you guys didn’t fight while I was gone,” he joked, making you sigh, and you missed the pointed look he cast Changbin’s way when the boy had scoffed, “what were you guys talking about before I came?”

You shrugged.

“We were talking about the short film,” you told him, “kind of.”

Chan had perked up at that, turning to you as he handed Changbin his food, “oh yeah, I wanted to ask if you had more feedback about the scenes.”

You nodded, “I do, actually.”

Changbin’s gaze lifted from his burger to look at you as he sighed, “what is it now?”

You huffed, “It’s not that bad. I was just wondering if the content of the letters were gonna be read out during the scene? ‘Cause if it is, then maybe we could kind of make it a little more relevant to their personalities or something.”

“Will that be hard? What do kids even talk about in their letters?” Jisung laughed.

Changbin’s lips parted slightly before pressing them into a firm line.

“Well, they’ll be like 9 when they’re exchanging letters, I suppose, so I guess they’d at least know how to have a conversation… ” He sounded almost hesitant, making you wonder why he made talking about childhood penpals seem like such a complex thing.

You thought about your own penpal, Binnie. You were about that age when you were exchanging letters with him too, figuring you could give some insight on that until Jisung had intercepted.

“At that age all I did was talk about hot wheels, to be honest. Much less talk to girls,” he snorted, making you scoff, using your shoe to nudge his leg under the table.

Chan, who had been silently thinking, had straightened up abruptly.

“Wait,” Chan’s eyebrows lowered, frowning slightly as his lower lip jut out in a slight pout. He directed his attention to Changbin, pointing his index finger towards him, “didn’t you used to have a penpal?”

You had to stop yourself from making your shock too obvious, your eyes widening as your gaze became nothing but accusatory. How badly did his penpal experience go for him to be so cynical about it now?

Whatever it was, the newfound information made you curious as to exactly how much of the story he’d changed, more importantly, how much he’d retained.

“You?” you couldn’t help yourself from blurting, though Changbin remained unamused.

“Yeah, I did,” he bypassed your incredulous stare, answering Chan simply.

Jisung hummed, bringing one hand up to fiddle with his ear piercing, not having expected Changbin’s response.

“Oh, well, what was it like, then?”

Changbin shrugged, resting one of his forearms on the table to support himself, his other hand reaching down to pick up a fry, “was nice. We would exchange letters every week. Talked about a lot of things, sent each other pictures, you know, all that stuff.”

“Do you still keep in contact with them?” Chan asked, genuine curiosity in his voice, not having heard much from Changbin about this penpal in the entire duration of their friendship.

Changbin shook his head, “nope,” he popped the p, picking up his cup to swirl it around noisily, the ice rumbling as it got tossed around in the paper cup, proceeding to take a sip from it as the rest of you looked on curiously at him.

“Well, why not?” you dared to ask, a million different possible reasons running through your mind.

Maybe they did something to piss Changbin off, or maybe they got into a big fight (which also made you wonder how heated fights could get over snail mail), or maybe one of their parents disapproved of the other. The possibilities were endless as you anticipated just why 8 year old Changbin would’ve cut ties with his penpal. And maybe, you were enjoying the dramatic aspect of it a little more than you should’ve been.

But something about the way he replied felt restrained. Maybe you were reading into it too much, but he almost sounded evasive. But, of course, you chose to ignore (suppress) it for now, watching intently as Changbin had once again shrugged, an air of nonchalance to his gestures as he met your gaze.

“Just… grew out of it, I guess.”

You huffed, memories of your own penpal making his response sting.

You don’t think you ever ‘grew out’ of talking to binnie. You remembered how frustrated you were when you’d stopped hearing from him after he moved, and every letter you’d sent to his new address had only been returned back to you. Maybe he grew out of it, but you wouldn’t have left it like that if you had a choice.

You rolled your eyes at his response, something in your response seeming to have irked Changbin.

“What?” he snapped, making you hesitate just the slightest bit, deciding to bite your tongue and shake your head.

“Nothing.”  

Chan let out a huff of laughter through his nose next to you, shaking his head at you goodnaturedly.

“Forgive us, you always seem like you have something more to say,” Chan spoke, apparent ‘damage control’ for Changbin’s abrasiveness.

“Wait, so, you’re really not gonna have a happy ending?” Jisung frowned.

“Well, Changbin and I were talking about it after the meeting that day, we figured since we have time we could afford to change the script a little,” he hummed, turning to you, “you know, since it could be a chance to kind of send a more hopeful message like you were talking about.”

Your eyes widened, your hand almost reaching out to touch Chan’s arm but realising you were still holding your burger, “really? You’re open to changing it?”

Changbin’s gaze flickered momentarily to you, observing your posture, noticing how open and comfortable you seemed with Chan, the sight alone enough to make him scoff. Call him a cynic, but he couldn’t tell if this was you acting or not just to get your way.

“There could be another meeting for you to discuss and work on the script together, but yeah, we’re alright with changing it.”

You turned to Changbin, a hint of distrust in your stare, making him huff again, putting down his drink on the table with a little too much force.

“He said it, not me,” he told you, pressing his lips firmly into a tight line, “you wanna change my script so badly? Fine. But your ideas better be worth changing it for.”

Jisung scrunched up his nose as you turned back to Chan, not wishing to look at Changbin’s face any longer, leaning over to whisper to Changbin, “you two don’t like each other very much, do you?”

If he was caught off guard by Jisung’s statement, he didn’t show it.

Changbin shrugged, picking his drink back up, “they started it.”

At the sound of his accusation, your eyes narrowed, turning to glare at Changbin, thankful for Jisung nudging you under the table before you could retaliate with a comment of your own. Chan simply casting you an amused look, his eyebrows raised in a silent question of what you were about to do.

You shook your head.

Whatever, you pushed your annoyance away in your head, as long as Chan was there during the rewrite meeting, you’d hopefully still be able to maintain your sanity.

Or at least, that was the hope that you were holding on to until that night when you’d gotten a text from Chan.

Chan 11:17pm - hey, i gave changbin your number if you don't mind... you know, since you guys have to discuss to rewrite the script and all -

You’d almost sat up from your bed in shock, frowning against the harsh light coming from your phone and the contents of the text, the latter obviously making you more disgruntled.

11:17pm - won’t you be discussing with us?? Why not just make a group chat??? -

Your heart was pumping with anxiousness as you awaited his reply, something about the sound of the clock ticking putting you in an even more anxious state, your heart almost sinking as texts from him and Changbin had come in at the same time.

You looked at Chan’s first.

Chan 11:18pm - oh i didn’t tell you? All script writing is done by Changbin. I’m just in charge of the other elements like props and directing and whatnot -

You shut your eyes, suddenly wishing you could travel back a few seconds back in time and not have checked your phone when Chan had texted you. Bringing your fingers across your screen reluctantly as you typed a reply to him.

11:18pm - ohhh hahaha right i forgot, thanks chan -

Now for the bigger menace at hand. You swiped over to Changbin’s message, your finger lingering on his chat as you decided to stop being petty and just open it.

seo changbin 11:18pm - just so you know, i’m doing this only because Chan asked me to. we can go over the changes at my house. is saturday okay with you? -

You pulled your notifications bar down. Tomorrow was Friday, and from what you knew you were pretty much free on Saturday. Fortunately or unfortunately for you.

You took another deep breath as you typed out your reply to him. For your own sanity, you tried to ignore the way he felt the need to clarify that he wasn’t doing it for your sake.

11:18pm - saturday’s fine. What time?-

Resisting the urge to go offline when you saw him come online, you felt as though you were in some sort of staring contest through your phone as you watched him type, his message coming in quickly.

seo changbin 11:18pm -1? We could order in and discuss -

You sighed, it wasn’t enough that he had to take away one peaceful lunch from you today, but yet another one on Saturday.

11:19pm -okay text me your address-

Another sigh left you when you read that the address he’d sent you was just a few blocks away from your apartment. Maybe he lived alone too; most of the apartments here were occupied by college students looking for affordable rent and shorter travel time.

seo changbin 11:19pm - don't be late -

You scoffed, shoving your phone back onto your bedside table as you slumped back against your pillow, burying your head into your pillow and kicking at your blanket that covered your feet uncomfortably.

Fine, if he wanted to be that way, that was fine by you. You would just do this for the sake of the short film. Yeah. That’s all it would be.

===

“Let’s make this quick and painless for the both of us,” you blurted the moment Changbin had opened his door to let you in, glad to see he was donning an outfit similar to yours (sweatpants and a t-shirt), your previous worries of being underdressed dissipating instantly.

He let out a sigh, his hand coming up to run it through his hair, his hair messy and sticking up at one place awkwardly, looking as though he’d slept on that side for too long.

“Hello to you too,” he grumbled, shutting the door behind you as he gestured to the living room.

You glanced around his rather plain apartment as he led you to the living room, his laptop resting on one of the cushions of the sofa, soft music verberating from the device.

“What food do you want?” he asked, earning a thoughtful frown from you as you set your things down on the floor next to the sofa, taking a seat on the other side of it.

“Fastest delivery would be if we order from that Chinese food place nearby, right?”

Changbin’s eyebrows quirked up in intrigue, “I was thinking of that place too,” he handed you his phone, letting you order what you wanted before handing it back to him.

It was otherwise silent between the both of you as you waited for the food to arrive, neither of you quite knowing how to break the silence. The tension slowly made you grow increasingly fidgety as time passed.

Changbin had sat down on the floor next to the coffee table, resting one hand on his soft rug as he pushed a stack of papers towards you, drawing your attention away from your soft copy of the script on your phone as you realised it was a hard copy of the script.

“Just use this, i’ve got a copy on my laptop,” he mumbled, making you nod, accepting it from him as you flipped to where you left off.

Changbin glanced at the clock, in disbelief that only 10 minutes had passed and yet he found himself feeling jittery at your silence. Turning his gaze towards you, he let out a small sigh.

He had expected you to say something by now, or let out some snarky comment about something he wrote. Your silence was unnerving him, it was almost as if he wanted you to say something, especially with the way you were scribbling notes beside the pages with a mechanical pencil he didn’t even recall seeing you take out.

“Which scene are you at?” he blurted, his anxiousness getting the better of him, making your head shoot up abruptly, surprised at his sudden outburst.

“Uh,” you glanced back down at the page, “I’m at the part where they find out they used to be penpals,” you told him.

“Okay,” Changbin murmured, thinking about where to go from there, momentarily distracted when he’d heard the doorbell ring. Pausing, he’d stepped out momentarily to retrieve your food, the rustling of bags getting louder as he neared the table.

Setting the food down on the table, surprising you when he’d pushed the food towards you, your surprise hadn’t gone unnoticed by Changbin.

“What?” he scoffed.

You shrugged, “nothing, just didn’t know you were capable of doing nice things,” you told him, a sarcastic lilt to your tone.

Changbin inhaled deeply, shooting you a patronizing smile as he broke his chopsticks, “anyway, I think we could start from there, since that’s kind of the turning point of their relationship.”

You nodded, pulling your food towards you as you began to eat.

“I was thinking,” you spoke, pausing to chew on your food, “this part has a lot of unanswered questions, like… I wouldn’t just let it go so easily if I found out someone was my penpal that I grew apart from. I felt like they should’ve had a bit more of a confrontation there.”

Changbin hummed, shocking you when he’d leant closer to you to look at the script, making you push it towards him, a small huff leaving him at your action.

“What questions do you think Penny would ask, then?” he asked you.

“I don’t know, maybe why they stopped talking in the first place?” there was a hint of sarcasm in your tone, making Changbin look at you over his mouthful of noodles.

“I told you already, Soobin grew out of it—”

You grimaced at his answer, your chopsticks halting before your mouth momentarily before you shovelled your noodles in with annoyance, “I don’t believe that.”

“I used to have a penpal, and I can guarantee you, the reason why we stopped talking wasn’t because we ‘grew out of it’,” you told him pointedly, having to stop yourself from growing too riled up about it, Changbin tensing up at your revelation.

Bringing his glass of water to his lips, he let his gaze wander around everything but you as he thought, curious as to what your penpal experience was like. Finally meeting your gaze, he almost sputtered over his water with how much he wasn’t paying attention to his actions, the only thing on his mind being to get his words out.

“You did?” It was pathetic, really, that that was all he’d come up with after such a long pause.

You nodded.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter, the story isn’t based on my penpal, it’s based on yours,” you attempted to draw the attention away from you, unsettling feelings of sourness building within you at the thought of how you left things.

“So, think. What would you be curious about?” you prompted him, seeing him purse his lips, a certain dazed look tinting his gaze.

Swallowing his mouthful of food, he looked at you as he thought. He would want to know if they were still passionate about acting, he would want to know how their family was doing, he would want to know if their personality had changed, if they were still the assertive ‘go after what you want’ character that had encouraged him so much. Or maybe, just how they are.

Changbin’s lips parted, shaking his head slowly, “... so many things,” he murmured.

An unexpected tension fell between the both of you, Changbin’s eyes meeting yours with a sort of unspeakable thoughtfulness, as if he was still thinking about your question.

You broke eye contact first, “write that, then. Who knows? Maybe they’re both as curious as the other.”

“You’re one of those glass half full people, aren’t you?” he huffed, making you click your tongue in annoyance.

“And what? You have no glass at all?” you retorted.

“Would you still be… curious too? Even If it didn’t end well?” he asked suddenly, a stupid question, Changbin thought, but still something he felt compelled to ask in the moment, as if he wanted the confirmation that you, someone with a penpal experience as well had shared the same sentiments as him.

You nodded, “of course I’d be. I could hate you and still be curious about you,” you shrugged.

“Me?” Changbin asked, making your eyes widen, the tension dissipating slightly as you shook your head vigorously, your hands coming up to wave at him dismissively.

“No no, not you. I meant-” you stopped yourself, glaring at him, “I just meant it as an example.”

And for what you were sure was the first time, Changbin had laughed, beginning to feel a bit more comfortable around you, his eyes forming narrow slits and the apples of his cheeks rounding slightly as he grinned, soft breathy giggles leaving him.

“Alright, I get it. It’s not a secret that you don’t like me.”

You huffed, not being able to help but feel the need to reassure him, “you’re not… that bad I guess. Jisung talks you up all the time.” you said, unsure why you felt the need to reassure him that you didn’t have a burning hatred for him, “you’re just stubborn as hell.”

He scoffed, “I could say the same about you.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him, reaching over to flip the page, “glad to know we’re on the same page, then.”

“Now that you said it,” Changbin began, moving on quickly from your bickering as he shoved his empty food packaging aside, “I do think Soobin would be curious about the things they talked about in their letters.”

You perked up at that, eyebrows raising, “That reminded me, I actually still have some of the letters from my penpal when we were younger, if you want I can loan them to you for some inspiration or something.”

Changbin nodded, flipping over to another page before pausing to type something on his computer, “yeah, actually that would be useful.”

You continued to look at the script for what had become hours, the both of you deciding it would be easier if you each assumed one of the character’s voices, speaking on behalf of the characters as you discussed. Coming up with a ‘what would soobin/penny do?’ process.

All the while during this discussion, Changbin had been scribbling down in his beaten up journal, the sides of the spine of the book peeling off when he’d set it down on the table, making you grimace.

“Do you think Pe—”

“Why don’t you just get a new journal? This one’s making such a mess,” you blurted out, frowning at the way the little brittle pieces of God knows what material covered his notebook had fallen onto the coffee table, making him tear his gaze away from what he was writing, looking at the mess on the coffee table you were gesturing at and letting out an amused huff.

“Oh, didn’t notice,” he smiled, “but that won’t be necessary, this journal’s been serving me fine.”

“It’s literally falling apart,” you pointed out.

“And you’re literally exaggerating.”

You scoffed.

“I mean, look at it, it’s such a hassle to use, since you have to keep cleaning up whenever you do so much as touch it,” you reasoned, seeing him shake his head.

“I don’t need a new journal, I’m perfectly fine using this one,” he told you, making you scrunch your nose up in distaste, Changbin looking at you with amusement heavily laden in his smile.

It seemed that there was something about the hours of bouncing off ideas and bickering that warmed the both of you up more, not feeling as wound up or hostile towards each other as you did a few hours ago, bonding over a shared want for the short film to be good.

“What?” he asked, leaning back against the sofa and resting his arm on one of the cushions, his other hand grasping his fingers as he awaited your response.

“You sound exactly like my mom,” you had a sour look on your face, continuing, “I bet you’re one of those needs versus wants people.” You huffed in amusement, shifting in your seat as you flipped through the scene you were about to discuss.

Changbin’s lips parted in shock, a breathy huff leaving him, “and what’s that supposed to mean?”

You shrugged, “You know, those people that decide on buying things through the concept of needing it or not.”

Changbin rolled his eyes, “yeah, like any other normal person.”

“It’s so boring! Ever heard of the concept of treating yourself?” you huffed, gesturing wildly. You were clearly very passionate about this.

Changbin shook his head, the smile lingering on his face, “I’m starting to understand why you’re Jisung’s friend. Sure, a treat once in a while is understandable, but i’d rather not waste my money on things I could do without.”

You huffed, a deep sigh leaving you, recalling a conversation you had with Binnie about his scooter.

“What’s up with boys and this need versus want thing? My penpal said the same thing even though he was only eight,” you mumbled, a small breath of laughter leaving your lips, leaving Changbin frowning at your statement.

Maybe other kids just talked about the same things he did with Y/N? He brushed the thought aside.

“He did?”

Changbin’s voice came out more hoarse than he’d intended, the intent in his stare making you falter momentarily, forgetting what you were doing just for a second.

Thankfully, you’d snapped out of whatever trance you were in, shaking your head dismissively, “nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

Changbin tilted his head at you, narrowing his eyes as he contemplated whether to pursue it or not, watching closely as you busied yourself with flipping pages just to look busy, even though the inside of your mind was spinning with an indescribable feeling that came with convincing yourself that the drift between you and your penpal was merely circumstantial.

You chewed on your lip, hating the way it felt as though your stomach was churning as you remembered the disappointment you felt when your letters had stopped getting sent through.

You were young, surely you shouldn’t blame yourself, you believed that. Your finger fiddled with the corner of the page, staring at Soobin’s dialogue.

‘Did our conversations even mean anything to you?’ the dialogue read, and you inhaled deeply as your head lifted to look at Changbin, your abrupt movement almost making him flinch in surprise.

“Why did you really stop talking to your penpal?” you sighed, curiosity getting the better of you. Though at this point you weren’t sure if it was curiosity or simply reassurance. Maybe even closure. All of which you needed to satisfy.

Changbin knew you weren’t going to accept his ‘grew out of it’ statement for an answer, deciding to be honest with you, you know, for the sake of the short film.

“I just… stopped hearing from them,” he began, heaving a sigh of his own as he shifted in his seat, picking at the imaginary dust on his sweatpants, “guess they had nothing to say.”

You couldn’t lie about it, you felt relieved. A part of you began to understand why he’d painted Penny’s character out to be like that, or furthermore why Soobin had seemed so affected by the revelation.

“Nothing to say…” you echoed, as if trying to wrap your head around his reasoning as well.

A small huff of amusement left him, though there was a hint of bitterness in his smile.

“I wouldn’t have minded, you know.”

He took his lower lip between his teeth, letting it go and you watched as the blood rushed back into his lips, looking redder than before.

Your eyebrows knit into a frown, “Wouldn’t have minded what?”

Changbin met your gaze, giving you a resigned shrug, “hearing it,” he continued, “nothing, everything.”

You could almost feel your heartbeat slowing down, the tense silence returning in the room and making you feel like you couldn’t breathe. Now that was some dialogue.

“Oh,” you broke the silence, your blank expression reading pure shock, your reaction catching Changbin off guard, “write that down, that’s such a Soobin thing to say.”

Changbin couldn’t do anything but laugh, shaking his head at you, “how opportunistic of you,” he teased, though he wrote it down nonetheless.

Maybe you being here was good, Changbin thought, it reminded him not to take himself too seriously sometimes.

===

To: Binnie

How are you?

I hope you are not still sad about your friends. I would tell you not to listen to them but i know that’s difficult sometimes because you can hear everything they say. But they were being very mean so they are not nice people. I don’t agree with what they said, because i think you are very nice and you have a nice smile. I don’t think you are scary. Sometimes my mom tells me i should smile more so people think i’m happy but I think you should just smile if you are happy. If you are sad then you can be sad. It is not a bad thing. I’m your friend because you’re nice to me and I like talking to you. If they’re going to be mean to you then they’re not your friends. If they do that to you again you can tell me their address and I will go and tell them myself!

Till next time, Your penpal Y/N

You’d shown up on the filming set on the first day absolutely buzzing from head to toe and ready to go (though, when you told Jisung about how you felt he’d insisted it was because of the lack of substantial sleep and the cans of energy drink you’d both drank the night before while he was helping you prepare your lines), but it seemed that everyone on the set was more tense than ever.

You found Hyunjin huddled with a few of them next to the sound cart, deciding to approach them to ask where Changbin was, having bought a coffee for him along the way.

“Hey,” you called, Hyunjin jumping in shock as he turned, his hand over his heart as he winced at you.

“Why do you move so quietly!” he groaned, making you dismiss him with a wave. 

“Did something happen? You guys look stressed,” you took a step towards them, possible reasons fluttering around in your mind but none seeming quite appropriate for the context you were in. Maybe the semester’s GPA results were out?

“Whatever, do you guys know where I can find Changbin?” The boy next to Hyunjin, a freshman by the name of Jeongin had sucked in a sharp breath at your question, making you grow even more confused.

“He’s… a little tense these days, so I’d suggest being a more careful around him,” Chan explained, earning nods of agreement from the film club members.

Your eyebrows raised, confusion showing in a slight pout on your lips. You didn’t remember him behaving out of the ordinary when you’d seen him the day before.

“Where’d he go?”

“He’s over there,” Chan pointed towards where the camera was set up and true enough, you saw Changbin seated at a bench there busying himself with his phone.

Nodding, you’d made your way over to Changbin, discomfort growing within you at the stares you were getting from the club members (some of which you didn’t even know the names of) as you made your way towards the blonde haired boy. It was a wonder why they all avoided him like the plague.

Changbin seemed to have sensed your presence, looking up from his phone and giving you a small wave as you reached the bench, sitting down next to him and holding out his cup of coffee.

Accepting it gratefully, he’d given you a nod.

“Thanks,” he glanced at your hands, “you didn’t get one for yourself?”

You let out a small burst of chuckles, “nope, figured it wasn’t the most logical thing to do since i’m already pretty alert from last night’s energy drinks.”

Changbin sucked in a sharp breath, clicking his tongue in teasing disapproval, “I figured as much, Jisung was way too hyper when I met him at the studio.”

Your expression was sheepish, “I’d say I was sorry but it was... important.”

Changbin huffed, “It’s alright, as long as you’re taking care of yourself.”

Before you could react to his statement, Changbin had acted as though he hadn’t said anything, an amused smile playing at his lips as he tore his gaze away from you, looking forward as he took a sip from his cup, “ready to film today?”

You nodded, regaining your bearings, trying not to think too much of his words.

“Pretty much, you?”

Changbin nodded, “yeah, even though we still have a little bit of the script left, I would say i’m pretty confident.”

You glanced behind Changbin, spotting Hyunjin looking at the both of you with sheer disbelief, making you roll your eyes, turning back to Changbin, angling your body on the bench so you could hug your knees to your chest, looking at him curiously.

“Are you feeling okay?”

He nodded, looking at you with confusion written in his features, clasping his hands around his coffee cup as he rested his hands on his lap, “yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”  

Maybe it was just his resting bitch face.

“Smile,” you commanded, nodding your head when he’d looked even more confused.

You watched in amusement as Changbin had laughed, shaking his head before looking at you with an all too sarcastic smile, his hand coming up in a peace sign next to his cheek, a smile unknowingly making its way onto your face at the sight.

“Okay now, don’t smile,” you continued.

Changbin had let his smile fall, looking just the same as he did when you’d shown up, making you press your lips into a firm line, a slight knit in your brows as your eyes narrowed.

Turning his head, he straightened up.

“Cool, Minho’s here,” he said, getting up and holding a hand out to help you up.

“Thanks,” you muttered, not expecting him to turn around and give you a smile.

“Let’s go, Penny.”

It was strange to you that there was something that felt so familiar about his smile, it reminded you of something that made you feel nostalgic. You liked seeing him smile. Changbin had a nice smile.

You brushed the thought away, nodding as you took his hand, letting him help you out.

“What, so you guys don’t hate each other anymore?” Jisung groaned later on that same week when you’d told him about the exchange you had.

He lifted his head from where he lay on your bed, “God, with you guys it’s like everyday’s something different.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him in amusement, “well… that’s because it is, isn’t it?”

You spotted the box of letters from your childhood penpal hidden beneath a stack of novels you had yet to unpack, your eyes glistening with triumph as you reached into your storage closet, fishing it out with a grunt.

“Come to think of it, Changbin hasn’t said anything about you since that day you met him to rewrite the script,” he murmured thoughtfully.

Heaving a sigh as you got up from your squat, you closed your closet, “which day? We met up a few times for the script.”

Jisung perked up at that, sitting up slightly and supporting his weight with his elbows.

“You did? Why am I only finding out about this now?” he scoffed.

You rolled your eyes, walking over to your desk to set the box onto it, “I told you about it, you just forgot.”

Making your way over to the bed, you flopped down onto your belly next to Jisung, looking at him curiously as he frowned at you. His mention of Changbin had made you curious.

“He… really hasn’t said anything about me?” you dared to ask, regretting it almost immediately when Jisung had taken the opportunity to twist your words.

Jisung’s expression had changed to one that you were all too used to, how his eyes would give away that he was thinking of saying something to tease you, his lips curving into a slight smirk.

“Why? Do you want him to be talking about you?”

You wrinkled your nose, a small panicked scoff leaving you, “yeah, right. Don’t get too carried away there.”

Jisung prodded further, leaning closer to you as he drawled, “well, why not? I mean, you said it yourself, you guys are on pretty good terms now, aren’t you?”

You purse your lips. The film club had been nice enough to give you a month longer to work on the script, you and Changbin ending up getting carried away and doing the whole thing over. And of course, within that month, you interacted with Changbin in some way or another almost everyday.

It could be meetings at his or your apartment, or spontaneous phone calls when one of you thought of an idea and you’d felt inspired to discuss it (even if you were on your bed tucked into your sheets when it happened most of the time), sometimes it was even just simple texts checking up on each other and asking what the other thought about the updates.

Nonetheless, you’d grown used to Changbin’s presence, finding that after that meeting at his house, it was like it had softened the both of you up to each other, especially when you realised your perception of Changbin was all wrong and that really, he was as soft as softies go.

You gave Jisung a shrug, tugging the neckline of your shirt down, feeling as though the room had gotten hotter, “I mean, yeah, I guess. He doesn’t annoy me as much as he used to.”

Jisung let out a chuckle, the laugh bubbling out louder as he continued.

“You know if you tell me you like him now,  I won’t make fun of you.”

“You’re lying.”

“So, you do like him?” His grin widened, making you sputter for a better response, figuring you’d dug your own grave with that one.

“Don’t stir shit,” you narrowed your eyes at him.

Your reaction had only tickled him even more, clutching his belly as he sighed, “I knew it. Remember? I told you he was your type!” his tone was triumphant, making you regret fuelling his suspicions.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re very happy about that,” you huffed, turning away from him and burying your face in your soft sheets, your hand coming up next to your head to smooth over the fabric.

You felt Jisung’s hand on your arm, his expression grim.

“Wait, so am I really right? You like him?”

You shrugged his hand away, though he hadn’t budged, giving up soon after.

“I mean,” you enjoyed your last moment of peace before you decided to reply to him, “he’s cute, I won’t deny that. And he’s become a lot nicer to me… he’s fun to talk to? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little attracted to him.”

Jisung snickered, “that’s cute, but gross. I can’t believe you like Changbin.”

Trust him to only get that out of whatever you’d just told him.

You turned to give him a wide-eyed look of disbelief, “oh, please, you were the one that kept fluffing him up to me!”

Jisung had simply shrugged, unfazed by your outburst, a small sound of hesitation leaving him.

“I would say I did a minimal amount of fluffing. I just called it before the both of you realised.”

You grit your teeth, “fine, enjoy your moment. But one word about it to Changbin and you’re dead. Got it?”

Jisung’s eyes widened, his hand coming up to mimic zipping up his lips.

“Got it.”

===

“Cut!”

You turned to cast a desperate look to Chan, the said boy looking apologetic as he called for a stop again. You watched as he leant down for Changbin to murmur something in his ear, Chan nodding before making his way over to you and Minho.

“We’re thinking maybe you could try that scene again but maybe with just a little more… in the moment? Maybe try not to rush through it,” Chan suggested to Minho, making the said boy groan.

“Sorry, it’s my fault. It’s just- we’ve been filming for hours, if I wasn’t so scared of Changbin I would’ve—”

“I know,” Chan reassured Minho, giving the both of you a small smile, “hopefully we can get this scene done quickly and then we’ll all be free to go, hmm?”

You nodded, letting Chan make his way back to where the monitor was as you got back into position with Minho.

Changbin watched intently as you and Minho acted out the scene again, something about the way Minho was delivering his lines seeming so unaligned with the picture Changbin had in his head. Was it the lines that weren't doing it for him? Was it because Changbin couldn’t quite tap into the emotions of the character in this scene?

He wasn’t sure what exactly it would look or sound like to be in love, but whatever ‘Soobin’ was showing, sure wasn’t what Changbin wanted it to be.

After you’d finished the scene, the film club members had waited anxiously for Changbin’s greenlight on whether they were free to go, all of them anxiously looking on as Chan went to talk to a few of them at props.

You taken the liberty of making your way over to where Changbin was, seeing him intently monitoring the scene that you’d just shot, the reason behind why he’d made you and Minho run through the same scene 15 times starting to become clear to you.

“That’s not gonna help you make it better, you know?” you spoke, shoving your hands into your pocket and scrunching your eyes shut as you braced against the cool wind that was blowing your way, the trees rustling loudly as Changbin’s head shot up, the frown remaining on his face.

“What?” Changbin figured he came off as a little too annoyed, but he stayed unwavering nonetheless, wanting to know just what you thought you knew about him.

“You know, I watched an interview once, and this actor said something that was so true,” you began, taking a seat next to him, feeling his gaze on you before you continued, your gaze falling on the image of you and Minho on the monitor, “he said that playback makes scenes seem a lot more dissatisfactory.”

Changbin’s frown deepened, “I don’t get it, just spit it out.”

You rolled your eyes, though you couldn’t help but smile, “I’m trying to give you advice here, okay? As I was saying, be in the moment. Not everything’s gonna turn out like how it is in your head.”

You inhaled deeply, a slight shiver running down your spine at how cold you felt, taking a hand out of your pocket to tap him on the arm.

“Now can you wrap it up and call it a day? The rest of them have been dying to go home but they’re too scared to tell you.”

Changbin hummed, “They are? Why?”

You nodded, seeing Changbin already making to stand up and call for the rest’s attention, with you taking the opportunity to lean over to him and mutter, “Dunno, maybe they just haven’t figured out what a softie you are yet.”

Changbin attempted to press his lips together firmly to contain his smile, though eventually giving up and letting the soft smile be shown on his face as he dismissed the club members, the rest of them already having started shifting their equipment back.

You’d decided to help them shift the equipment while Changbin talked to Chan about something, trying your best to ignore the way the weather seemed to be getting chillier as all the equipment had started feeling cold to the touch. Mental note to start wearing warmer clothes out after today.

“Thanks for convincing Changbin to free us,” Hyunjin sighed when you were coming down the stairs after locking the club room, making you huff.

“He’s not some dictator, you know. You guys could just ask him next time,” you reasoned.

Hyunjin scoffed, “I’d much rather keep my life, thank you very much.”

Rolling your eyes, you pulled out your phone as you thought whether to text Jisung if he’d wanted to meet for dinner.

“You’re so dramatic,” you told Hyunjin, “I told him and I got to keep my life.”

Hyunjin scoffed, “that’s cause he—”

He stopped himself abruptly, eyes widening for a split second before he shrugged, “that’s cause you fight with him all the time, it’s different.”

You saw a text come in.

Changbin 8:14pm - do u wanna go get dinner? I’m done talking to Chan -

“Speak of the devil,” you murmured, erasing your drafted text to Jisung and replying to Changbin to say that you would wait at the quad.

Changbin 8:14pm - i was thinking of eating some cold noodles -

You grimaced at the thought, Hyunjin pulling you out of your thoughts, “are you waiting for Changbin?”

You nodded, sensing his hesitancy to let you wait there alone, “you go ahead, I’ll be fine, he’s already on his way.”

Hyunjin frowned, turning to see Changbin from afar already making his way over, Changbin having spotted the both of you and given Hyunjin a wave.

Waving back, Hyunjin nodded, “alright, I’ll see you.”

Tugging your jacket tighter around yourself, you folded your arms, hoping Changbin would hurry up so you could finally go somewhere with heating.

Though once he’d met up with you, you were a little confused when he’d gone a completely different direction than you’d expected, leading you to a traditional restaurant that served mainly soups and broths instead.

Don’t get me wrong, you were thankful for the warmth of the restaurant, of course, but just a little confused about why he changed his mind.

You let him order for the both of you, looking curiously from where you were seated facing him, leaning back in the wooden chairs as Changbin ordered from the older lady running the shop.

“I thought you wanted to eat cold noodles?” you scanned the menu in search of the item, confusion increasing when you found nothing of the sort.

Changbin shook his head, “figured you might wanna eat something warmer,” he admitted, making your lips part in surprise.

“How’d you know?”

Changbin didn’t know how to explain that it was because he’d kept looking at you during shooting and he didn’t miss the way your hands would clench and unclench the fabric of your clothes, or how you’d fold your arms more and shake them out in between takes when you thought no one was looking.

“…  just a wild guess.”

You brushed his comment aside, the both of you talking about your upcoming classes or complaining about readings that had yet to be read, the sheer boiling temperature of the stone pot making heat rush to your cheeks and spread through your body, thankful for Changbin’s wild guess.

Leaning back in your seat with your hands over your stomach, you sighed at how full you were feeling, already anticipating your food coma as you let yourself zone out staring at the label of Changbin’s bottle of soju.

“Are they really scared of me?”

You’d dragged yourself out of your daze (reluctantly), your lips pursing, “sorry, what did you say?”

Changbin averted his gaze, fiddling with his fingers under the table. Smoothing his thumb over the soft skin at his palm, his tongue poking at his canines before he looked back at you, meeting your gaze with a certain determination.

“The film club people,” he repeated, “are they really scared of me?”

You shrugged, “yeah, I guess. Like, they talked about it before… I guess it’s because you have that serious expression on a lot so they might take it the wrong way.”

Observing his expression, his lips had parted, a blank expression on his face, “I have a serious expression?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, tilting your head at him, “I think It’s just your resting face. They’re kind of wary of how they act around you during meetings, you know, which is why they had that kind of reaction when I first spoke up about the script.”

Changbin let his grip around his spoon relax, whatever rice he’d scooped into it dispersing into the soup.

“Then why aren’t you scared?”  

You almost snorted with how immediate your laughter had bubbled out of you, a bout of chuckles leaving you as your shoulders shook lightly.

“Because,” you waved your spoon slightly, “there’s nothing to be scared of.”

Changbin’s blank expression had prompted you to continue.

“I have no problem with you being assertive about what you want,” you explained, “I mean, if it were my script, i’d probably be equally, if not more, assertive about how I want it. But that’s a good thing about you. You don’t just… shut up if something doesn’t sit right with you. That’s something I’ve always thought was really important.”

Call him crazy, but Changbin couldn’t adequately describe how your words had done more in spreading a giddy warmth in his chest than the food ever could.

He wasn’t always like this. If anything, he’d wanted to say that he’d pushed himself to be more assertive after countless conversations with his penpal about not being afraid to speak up for what you want.

Though he’d always been scared of whether he’d be doing a disservice to the people he worked with if he chose not to speak up, he was glad that you reminded him just why he started doing it in the first place.

Penny’s character in his head had started to look more and more like you. And he was glad.

“You wanna hear something crazy?” You blurted.

You didn’t know where you were going with this. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, really. You just knew that saying what you said to him had triggered a sense of what you could only describe as love within you. If you knew anything about it.

“What?” he asked, the smile on his face making you stop in your tracks. How could he remind you so much of someone, yet seem so much like a mature, upgraded version of them at the same time?

You couldn’t possibly tell him that you were starting to be kind of glad that you didn’t meet Binnie, because you felt like you were looking at him right now. And childhood penpal or not, you were so much more smitten with the one sitting before you.

“Nothing,” you breathed, “nothing, sorry, forget I said anything.”

Your revelation reminded you that you’d brought your old letters from Binnie for Changbin to tap on for inspiration to write the last scene, shutting your mouth and turning to fish the box out of your bag.

“I just remembered, you asked for these right?” you pushed the box towards him, seeing him pick up the box gingerly (as though it were that brittle old notebook he uses), placing it into his bag.

“I’m assuming they’re the letters from your old penpal?”

You nodded, “but don’t laugh when you read them, okay? He was really nice to me.”

Changbin huffed, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips, “yeah, yeah, no promises.”

After you were done with your dinner (Changbin paying for it as a supposed ‘thank you’ for being patient during filming), you’d prepared yourself to fight against the cold night breeze as you stepped out of the restaurant before Changbin, not having expected to feel a warm weight being draped over your shoulders.

“I don’t know why you decided to come out without a coat when you know now’s usually when the weather gets colder,” he tutted his tongue, feigning disapproval, not giving you any time to be shocked at his gesture.

He stood in front of you, tugging the coat tighter around you as he met your gaze, giving you a tired smile.

“I’ll walk you back to your apartment.”

You bit down on your lip, your racing heart and panic making the best reply you could come up with to be a mere, “didn’t peg you to be so gentlemanly.”

To which Changbin shrugged, a small smirk playing at his lips.

“I can be pretty romantic if I want.”

You were gonna get whiplash at this rate.

That same night (or day, 3am was a fine line), you’d received an email from Changbin of the last scene for the film, reading through it and having to stop in between for breaths and water breaks because you had no idea Changbin was capable of encompassing such romantic sentiments in a scene.

Looking at what he wrote, you would never have thought he was the same person that kept arguing with you about happy endings going to shit.

Changbin had written the scene in a burst of inspiration, having felt an almost uncomfortably foreign giddiness within him after returning home from your dinner, feeling even more motivated when he’d watched the film footage they’d shot earlier that day (unconsciously rewinding more than once to watch you act) deciding to just go with whatever he was feeling and write down the scene he had in mind.

And if anyone was asking, no, he totally didn’t picture you as Penny and himself as Soobin the entire time while doing so.

By the time you were done, it was almost an hour later, the aftermath of reading his scene making you pick your phone up and send him a text.

4:02am - did something happen? What’s with the lovey dovey script? Did someone finally change their mind about Penny? -

Not long after, Changbin’s reply came in, feeling thankful that he’d only decided to open your box of letters, or more accurately his letters, after he was done with the scene, something about what he found putting him in an all too thoughtful mood.

Changbin 4:04am -let’s just say... i took your advice-

===

“What do you think, Changbin?” Chan’s voice had snapped Changbin out of his daze, the latter looking at Jisung with a shrug.

“I would say you’re just short changing yourself if you didn’t talk to her. I mean, you said you liked her, right? So what are you waiting for?” Changbin sounded almost impatient, his tone eliciting a grunt from Jisung.

“Yeah, you say it like you’re not the one hiding your hopeless crush on Y/N.”

Chan’s eyes widened, not having expected Jisung to say it so blatantly.

Changbin sputtered, looking at Chan for help only to be met with giggles.

“I’m sorry, dude, it was really quite easy to tell.”

Changbin wanted the cushioned booth to swallow him whole, scrunching his eyes tightly shut in a wince.

“Whatever, that’s not the point,” he waved Jisung off dismissively, “we’re talking about your love life here.”

Jisung pursed his lips, shaking his head, “it’s not fun anymore, I wanna talk about yours.”

Changbin glared at Jisung, “i’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Good, ‘cause you should be having it with Y/N.”

Chan raised an eyebrow at the younger boy, humming in suspicion.

“Why do you sound like you know things...”

Jisung shrugged, raising his hands to give a dramatic shrug, “Do I? I guess we’ll never find out since Changbin ‘isn’t gonna have this conversation with me’.”

Chan turned to Changbin, who currently looked as though he would rather die than be here right now, “actually, what are you waiting for?”

Changbin brought a hand up to massage his fingers on his temples, a resigned sigh leaving him.

“I don’t know, I’ll probably not do anything until the showcase. I still don’t know how exactly I wanna go about it.”

Jisung snickered, “you’ll be fine, seriously.”

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll just enjoy whatever time I have left to think about it till the showcase. Now back to your issue… ”

But obviously, Changbin didn’t use his 3 days of buffer time very well.

He was lucky the atmosphere of the showcase and the unexpected crowd of people had prolonged the time until he’d be in a situation where he’d feel compelled to talk to you about it. Whatever it was.

You hadn’t noticed, obviously, the way Changbin had been keeping himself busy talking to guests and teachers that had shown up, people from the media and publications club. You were too busy being whisked away by your own friends and a already slightly tipsy Minho who thought it was a good idea to pregame drinks before the afterparty later on.

It’d only been when things started calming down and people were actually watching the film that you’d been put in a position where you had no choice other than to think about the boy seated in front of you tapping his foot incessantly on the carpeted floor of the auditorium.

Once the show was over, you’d leant forward, about to congratulate him when you’d both been whisked up by one of the teachers-in-charge, pulling you together with Minho onto the stage to answer questions from the audience.

The questions were fairly simple, most of them from the media and publications club trying to get technical details for their article, allowing you to zone out from where you stood on the stage, letting Changbin smoothly answer all the questions they could possibly throw at him. It wasn’t like Minho was in any position to answer them, tipsy and zoned out of his mind.

It was only when you’d heard him fumbling around with his words that you looked up from the spot on the wall you were staring at, turning to look at Changbin with an embarrassing amount of concern on your features.

“I’m sorry can you repeat the question?” you’d spoken into the microphone, hearing someone that sounded almost identical to Jisung asking how he got inspiration from the story.

You looked at Changbin curiously, as if silently asking if he needed you to step in, only to have him look at you with a blank expression, his mouth opening and closing as he fumbled for an answer.

“Oh, well, I’m sure I can answer this on behalf of Changbin,” you began, “we’d worked on the script together, and it was inspired by a lot of things, like our experiences with pen pals as well as movies like ‘you’ve got mail’.”

Changbin’s shoulders slumped with relief, nodding towards you as a silent thanks, the moment cut short when you were once again whisked away into different crowds to take pictures or to carpool to the afterparty.

Though you were bored 10 minutes into the party, Minho having gotten drunk before you could even get past your second drink, you’d let Changbin have his fun. You figured it was a good thing that he was being recognized for his efforts, even if he didn’t look like he was enjoying the attention very much. He needed it, you supposed, to be forced to see how much people enjoyed the work he made.

But you didn’t stay to see it too long, adjourning to the porch of whoever’s house you were in to enjoy an environment away from the loud music and too many people you didn’t know.

“Already bored?”

You’d jumped at the sound of Changbin’s voice, his footsteps loud against the wooden porch as he took a seat next to you on the swing, holding out his bottle of soda to you, “do you want some?”

You shook your head, seeing him shrug, “suit yourself, then.” He took a long sip of his soda, sighing afterwards.  

A tired smile on your face, you let out a deep sigh, “didn’t expect you to find me here so quickly.”

“How could I not?” he laughed, shaking his head, “In case you didn’t notice, I was suffocating in there, figured I deserve a break.”

“Good job, though, I’d say you handled everything well…” you started, your smile growing, “... though there is one thing…  I didn’t think you were the type to struggle with public speaking.”

Changbin’s lips parted in shock, scoffing, “shut up, I don’t usually.”

“Sure, you don’t,” you teased, bringing your hands to your sides to support your weight, letting your legs lift off the ground as Changbin used his feet to move the swing gently.

You leant back in your seat, enjoying the silence you were able to get out here as compared to the chaos going on within the house, noticing how tense Changbin seemed, his posture anything but relaxed as he’d let out sigh after sigh, tapping his rings against the seat of the bench absently.

“Relax,” you chuckled, “it’s already over.”

Doing the opposite of relaxing, Changbin simply stopped moving the swing, angling his body to face you more as he fished in his blazer pocket for something, pulling out an envelope from his jacket, “I have uh… something for you.”

Holding it out for you to take, your gaze fell on the colourful envelope, the little strawberry stickers you remembered using your savings to buy as you frowned at the address written on the envelope in your old messy ‘princess handwriting’.

Your gaze darted from the envelope back to him, “how did you… how do you have this?”

“I have it,” he began, letting out yet another sigh, “because you sent it to me.”

If it could, your heart would’ve stopped in that exact moment.

“Read it,” he prompted when you’d stayed silent, your hands moving urgently to open the envelope, your heart feeling warm when you pulled the paper out, already being able to see the ‘To: Binnie’ written with your favourite scented marker.

To: Binnie

How are you? I’m fine. I am writing this very late in the night because I finished my rehearsal for my school play in the evening and I just finished taking a bath. I have to be quick or my mom is gonna scold me for not sleeping yet. I wanted to tell you that you should sign up for the competition. Which is why I have to mail this to you A.S.A.P as possible because you said the sign up closes in a few days. I think that you should just try it out, even if you don’t do well. Because then at least you can say that you gave it a try and you had fun. I saw this on a tv show, and they said if you don’t try, you will never know if it will turn out well, because you didn’t try.

So I’m telling you to try!!!!! Just try your best and have fun. I think you will do well.

Till next time, Your penpal Y/N.

“So this is me… trying… it. Whatever it is,” he sounded out of breath, almost, and your heart had begun to pick up speed at how it seemed as though this would be the time where he would confess his feelings to you (if Soobin and Penny were any guide to go by).

You should’ve known Changbin better by now, though.

“Thank you… for helping me with the film. You know, for giving me crap about it because I know that that wasn’t really what I felt. I was just… bitter, but for some reason, you giving me shit about it kind of reminded me why I liked being friends with my penpal- or, I guess, liked being friends with you, so much in the first place.” he was looking at you more confidently now, straightening up as he continued.

“It wasn’t because you gave me fake money to buy a scooter, or anything,” he laughed, “it was more because you were someone that was friends with me for who I was? You were kind, and you were honest.”

Changbin fiddled with the envelope in his hands as you tried your best to contain your smile.

“And you were especially supportive, you know, in your own argumentative way.”

You let out a huff of breathy laughter at that, your hand coming up to touch your necklace, finding something else to fiddle with to contain your anxiousness.

“I’m glad, though, that I didn’t know you were that Y/N,” he told you, “because I already grew to like this Y/N so much, that… finding out was just… a pleasant surprise.”

For the first time since you saw the letter, you’d spoken, a breathy, “me too,” leaving you, embarrassing you to no end.

“I’m glad it was you,” you murmured, averting your gaze, not having expected Changbin to have reached out a hand towards yours, hovering just momentarily before making the decisive action of grasping it gently.

“Me too.”

“So are you gonna explain why my letters—”

“Shh,” he shut his eyes, the smile on his face making you give in almost instantly, “don’t ruin it.”

===

“I didn’t know people even still sent letters these days,” Jisung snorted, sipping on his coffee that he’d just gone downstairs to buy, “here, you have one, but there's no name.”

You frowned, picking it up and finding the handwriting of your address awfully familiar, feeling as though you’d definitely seen it scribbled on a specific brittle old notebook before.

You flopped onto your bed, opening the letter as Jisung resumed playing whatever game he was busy with on your desktop computer.

Thankful for the distraction, you’d quickly unfolded it, scrunching your nose at his choice of pen name.

To: my penpal Y/N

This letter may just be over a decade overdue, but I wanted to firstly say I’m sorry for making you wait so long. That letter about my film competition, that was the last one I received from you, and one of my favourites. I figured it out, by the way, I gave you the wrong address. Phonics was a very tricky thing for my eight year old stubborn self that refused to cross check with my mom.

I figured sending you a letter was best, you know, since you know I'm not the very best at public speaking, or just speaking in general sometimes, I doubt I'd be able to say as eloquently what I wanted to say to you in this letter.

I wanted to give you a few updates. Firstly, I met someone in my film club. Well, technically I auditioned them for my short film so there’s no one to blame for the trouble they caused other than me. I didn’t like them that much at the beginning. I thought they were just trying to impose their stupid happily ever after beliefs on me, someone who thought I was a big bad cynical bitter man that didn’t believe in love stories.

As you probably guessed, they challenged me (a lot), and waiting to see them started to feel like the days where I would wait to hear my mom tell me that a letter came in for me, even better actually. They reminded me of the qualities in myself that I was always afraid of showing, and they reminded me what was so good about being unapologetic for who I was sometimes, because they accepted all of that, (but not without giving me an shit about it first, of course).

But i’m thankful, I’m thankful because I really grew to like them a lot. I liked how I could be comfortable being myself around her, and I liked how they would support me when I needed it, but also to correct me when I need to be corrected.

They were real, and I liked that, a lot.

So, the point of this was that if they ever happen to receive this, you know, (because I totally didn’t know your current address, obviously), I hope they know that I’ve grown to like them very much, to like the personality that i’ve come to know, and that i’m very excited to grow to know (and like) even more.

I’ll be seeing you, Binnie.

[shinjaeha]

ipytm ep 2 (thoughts + spoilers)

i’ve been trying my hardest to forget about iptym during the week so the countdown to each new ep won’t feel as long, but i don’t think i’ve succeeded. with each new ep i feel more and more nervous and excited bc i know the conflict and angst is only going to keep ramping up as the series goes on (and this ep was a good indication of that...not FULL BLOWN angst yet, but the undercurrent of angst is slowly starting to come to the surface). i’m def more prepared for it than i was during itsay, but that doesn’t make it easy ;;;

the standard ‘this is not a proper analysis’ here...i’m completely aware that this post in particular is really messy, but i just had a lot of mixed feelings and thoughts with this ep. one day i will learn how to condense my thoughts better, but today is not that day so i’m doing this under a read more for once bc it’s embarrassingly long 😂

we start off with teh in acting class where his teacher is explaining how you need to be able to understand yourself before you’re able to understand other people (and therefore put yourself in the shoes of the character you’re playing)...which even before i knew where this ep was going to go felt a lot like foreshadowing for the events that were going to unfold in this ep.

the acting exercises are basically a lot like the ones that we see bkpp (and the rest of the cast) having to do as part of their workshops in the documentary eps, so it’s kind of cool to see them incorporate parts of that into the actual show itself. feels more authentic since, if you’ve watched the documentary eps, you know that this is actually what the actors have to go through when they’re learning to let themselves go and get into character.

so through this montage of all of teh’s classes, we get to see how much he’s enjoying learning more and more about his major. it’s truly his passion, and he’s finally in his element. and it’s great that he’s surrounded by so many seniors that are also as driven and passionate about performing as he is...i find it interesting how teh, even from the start, has always been most attracted to people that have the same sense of ambitiousness as he does. in itsay, his best friend (aside from oh-aew obv) was tarn, who had a very similar mindset as him. so here, it’s not really that much of a surprise that all his uni friends are basically the drama club seniors that he sees as role models. oh-aew is kind of that one outlier bc he doesn’t fit that same mould/personality type that teh tends to surround himself with, which is where you can already start to see the discord between them arising. in itsay, bc oh-aew was working towards the same end goal as teh at the time, it wasn’t as much of a conflict. but in ipytm we can see that their paths are starting to diverge more and more. that being said, oh-aew’s someone that teh truly needs in his life bc he offers a different perspective to most of teh’s other friends, and as we can see later on, teh REALLY needs that.

now THIS was one of the interactions i was really interested in. we already knew from the ep 2 teaser that teh isn’t exactly happy with oh-aew’s new friend group, so i’ve been waiting to see how teh acts when he’s around them. everyone’s at q’s house celebrating plug’s birthday, and honestly?? they’re all really sweet and accommodating of teh (they get him sweet drinks bc teh tells them that he doesn’t drink bc it’s too bitter, and they don’t pressure him when he says he can’t drink bc he’s got morning classes). but then the conversation turns to teh and oh-aew becoming actors and earning lots of money (and how convenient that is), and teh starts to get a little riled up. i don’t think they mean anything by what they’re saying (they’re just playing around), but we know that teh's sensitive to this sort of thing, and i think to him, it’s almost like they’re saying it’s ‘easy’ to become an actor and start making bank. teh, who already knows how hard it is (esp since he’s been watching how difficult it’s been for khim in particular), starts getting defensive about it. the focus being on money hits a nerve with him too bc teh is very clearly majoring in comm arts bc it’s his dream, not bc of the money he could make from it. teh and oh-aew’s gang are just on different wavelengths, and you can really start to see how teh’s having trouble bonding with oh-aew’s gang bc of their differing mindsets.

it makes me slightly sad that you can see how worried oh-aew is about teh and his friends not meshing. it’s like we, the audience, are all feeling what oh-aew is feeling...his nervous glances at teh bc he’s afraid that teh might not like them. and the discomfort on teh’s part too. all of oh-aew friends tend to be a lot more like him, relaxed and happy to go with the flow, but we know that teh can be pretty rigid and intense about the things that he’s passionate about. oh-aew recognises this, which is why he’s as anxious as he is in the first place.

oh-aew’s tea tattoo in honour of teh is actually so sweet 😭 it shows how much teh means to him. he really got a permanent mark on his body to symbolise his love for his boyfriend ;;; but from teh’s perspective, it’s literally that first mark of change. it IS a pretty big decision, so i don’t blame teh for being shocked about it, but teh likely sees this as oh-aew’s friends being a ‘bad’ influence on him (which we know gets brought up again later). not bc of the tattoo itself, but bc of what it represents. it’s like he’s watching oh-aew start to change before his very eyes and he doesn’t know how to deal with that so he brushes it away for now.

the framing of that shot where teh and oh-aew are facing each other and then q comes to walk in between them is A LOT like how they used to frame the both of them in itsay and having bas walk in between them. interesting.

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THE FACT THAT OH-AEW SPEAKS CHINESE WHEN HE’S DRUNK...that’s just plain adorable :’) it’s like he’s reverting back to when teh was teaching him chinese and they were first falling in love again. teh’s method of getting close to him was always tutoring oh-aew in chinese, so it’s as though oh-aew is trying to feel closer to teh again by speaking chinese to him. sort of like he’s trying to recreate that feeling all over again. i also love that this is basically the opposite of that oppo short film ad bkpp did haha.

we got the “ke yi ma” “ke yi” again ;;;;;;;; i love their little domestic moments. they’re so soft when they’re like this (i know we’re gonna have to weather the angst, but i hope we still have a lot more fluffy moments like this too pls). side note, i really love the lighting in these scenes!!

when oh-aew reads teh’s note about the kimchi jjigae and smiles but then reads the “do not skip class” and his smile fades away...oh, oh-aew, i feel u.

so now we get to see oh-aew in acting class, and the difference between oh-aew’s feelings towards class and teh’s feelings are like night and day. teh’s classes make him feel so fulfilled...this is genuinely something that he wants to do. but oh-aew is struggling. he doesn’t have that same sense of purpose as teh bc he’s starting to realise that this might not be what he really wants...he’s trying but just not enjoying it at all. when teh tells him about the casting call, i feel so much dread for him bc he’s clearly not looking forward to it whatsoever, but he knows how much this means to teh...so he’s willing to ignore his feelings for now if teh’s happy :(

is it just me or was this when oh-aew stopped carrying his ‘heart attack’ bag too??

idk this struggle in particular just feels so personal to me. i really identify with oh-aew when it comes to this bc when i was at uni i changed my major like 3-4 times (and changed unis a bunch of times on top of that) bc i had NO IDEA what i wanted to do. even now, i still have no clue what i’m doing a lot of the time. i’m glad that oh-aew at least managed to find some sort of clarity when he dropped in on his friends’ advertising class and realised that this was something that he enjoyed and was good at :’)

teh’s so excited and focussed on this audition that he can’t even see how worried and reluctant that oh-aew is about this. he wants them to have the same dream so bad that he can’t see that this might not be oh-aew’s dream anymore. but anyway, oh-aew is the sweetest, best boy as always. he’s so, so encouraging with teh. so patient. he really such a great balance to teh’s more volatile nature...but that contrast is also what makes you feel so bad for him when teh lashes out at him without thinking (as he’s prone to doing).

i LOVE khim. i just have so much respect for her. she’s always trying her hardest, and it’s painful to see her give so much of herself yet constantly be knocked down. the resilience that takes. i know that that’s part of the industry she’s in, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. there’s a lot to be said about how harsh the entertainment industry can be (and the inherent ageism/sexism/homophobia within it), which i don’t have the time to go into here, but having to hear criticism like that...purely based on your looks (you don’t look smart enough, young enough, manly enough, etc.) is so incredibly disheartening. teh commenting on how harsh it is, and khim saying that it’s super common and telling the both of them how they’re gonna have to go through all of that the more casting calls they go to...OF COURSE oh-aew is only going to feel even more dispirited about this when he’s already realising that this might not be his thing anymore.

being able to take rejection and criticism is really fucking difficult (i know i could never do it)...and seeing oh-aew being told that he’s not ‘manly’ enough/too ‘girly’ in acting class and again at the casting call is yet another knock at his confidence. the way you physically see oh-aew get more flustered and anxious as the audition goes on, when he sees the crew shaking their heads at him :((( i feel all the nervousness, anxiety and embarrassment that he’s feeling right down to my very bones. then to walk out from that audition to khim talking about how damn hard it is to keep doing this time and time again only to be continually rejected?? my poor boy :( what’s fascinating to me is how differently the both of them interpret khim’s speech. teh latches on to her words and sees them as motivation to keep going...to keep trying and persevering. like a challenge. but to oh-aew, he just sees the difficulty and rejection. the instability of this career path, and how hard this could potentially be on his family as well. they’re both hearing completely different things.

teh being so happy about his audition even though he didn’t get the part and the way he turns around to face oh-aew directly when oh-aew tells him they said he was “too girly” and how he couldn’t change his personality to be what they wanted :((( pls. i just want to hug him so bad. teh’s “i like you the way you are now” and reassurance that so many other people do too  😭i know he kind of makes a mess of himself later on, but i’m still so glad that oh-aew got to hear that from him at least.

this show is the best at making you feel all that nervousness and anxiety when any of the characters are about to drop some big news. i was waiting with bated breath when oh-aew told teh he wanted to transfer majors. it makes me sad though that oh-aew has to constantly feel like he’s walking on eggshells when it comes to teh...he’s always most worried about teh’s reaction, and that’s prob the main reason why he didn’t opt out of comm arts even earlier. but oh-aew has all these mounting doubts about his major, and there’s only so long he can stick it out for teh’s sake, and the casting call (and khim’s words) really solidified that for him.

teh’s "you haven’t given it your all”/”you haven’t done your best” rubs me the wrong way bc it’s easy to think that way when you’re set on something and know that that’s what you want to do...but when you’re doubting/not sure about something, it just isn’t the same thing. we all have different thresholds when it comes to what we can endure and how much we can put into something. teh’s a hard worker, we’ve seen how dedicated he can be when he really wants something, but not everyone works like this. not everyone can be a teh or a khim. and esp not when they’re having to give their all to something that doesn’t feel right for them. and oh-aew’s right...sometimes once is enough to know that something’s not a fit for you.

when oh-aew mentions that he sat in on advertising class and thinks he might be into it, it’s like a parallel of that scene when they’re kids and oh-aew told teh that he wanted to become an actor like him. only now it’s the opposite. teh’s had this plan in his head that he and oh-aew are going to reach their dream of becoming actors and the lead protagonists in a movie/series together for so long now that it’s hard for him to reconcile that oh-aew might no longer want this as much as he does anymore. it’s like he can see this ultimate goal of his crumbling. so just hearing that it’s bc of q and the rest of the gang’s ‘influence’ that oh-aew sat in on their advertising class in the first place (and this triggered his interest in advertising) is like strike two for teh vs. oh-aew’s friends.

i’ve def mentioned this before, but oh-aew has always been the more pragmatic of the two, whilst teh is more idealistic, so i understand why he would gravitate towards something that was more stable of a career for him. more of a guarantee. he knows that advertising/marketing suits him better (not to mention that he’s always had the resort as his safety to fall back on too), and it’s something that he’s discovering he actually enjoys more in general too.

when i first watched this, i was like “oh wow teh’s matured so much!!” bc he didn’t blow up at oh-aew during this scene...that kind of ended up backfiring on me towards the end, but at the same time, i do think there’s a certain level of growth there since he does end up trying to reassure oh-aew (even if the blow up still occurs later on). it’s a process though...and even baby steps are progress.

8 months later and teh’s walking past that same place he and oh-aew walked by during his first night in bangkok...only now the poster is no longer the same red one. it’s blue... as though it’s signifying that this is just teh’s dream alone now, and teh clearly still hasn’t come to terms with that yet.

i’m really happy seeing oh-aew in a much better place now!! it’s so good to see him happy and actually involved in uni with his friends. but watching teh struggle going through casting calls and rejections makes my heart ache. hearing khim’s experience with auditions, and actually having to experience it irl, are two entirely different things. it’s like the reality of the situation is starting to hit in for teh. and that, on top of oh-aew not being there to support him in the same way bc their goals in life aren’t similarly aligned anymore, is starting to take its toll.

god, when teh lined oh-aew and was waiting for his response i was like nooooo don’t do it DON’T DO IT only for him to open ig to check oh-aew’s story 😭(though it IS cute that they have couple pfps). but we’re regressing. and now that they have different social circles it’s even harder to connect than before. teh feels like oh-aew’s being pulled away from him, into another friend group that doesn’t include him...and his insecurities are bubbling to the surface again. teh’s always needed that reassurance that he’s ‘special’ to oh-aew. clearly, we know that he is...but even now that they’re dating, it’s still something that he questions. and esp now that oh-aew is starting to feel like he’s fading further and further away out of reach.

i love seeing all of teh’s friends encourage him. they all understand how tough it is, and to see them all pull together to lift his spirits again is so lovely. but then his mood completely changes again when oh-aew comes to join them for dinner :( teh’s doing that thing again where he says everything’s fine when everything’s not fine (cue that “they ask you how you are and you just have to say you’re fine when you’re not really fine” meme). the flash to teh’s face when top says that he didn’t pass the exam to get into anantasart, and you know he’s just thinking about how he gave up his spot for oh-aew initially, and now that oh-aew’s transferred, it’s kind of like he’s turned it down twice. oof.

when teh tells them all that oh-aew’s transferred to advertising, it’s as though this is his way of trying to separate both his worlds. like oh-aew doesn’t belong here with his drama club friends, and it’s that pettiness that we got from teh in itsay is back in full force all over again. it reminds me so much of that time oh-aew told the itsay gang that he was a virgin, and so teh told his friends at school that he was a virgin too. or when oh-aew sent him that picture of his and bas’ legs touching, so teh retaliated by putting that pic of tarn on his story and leaning in to kiss her. it’s like he always needs to one up oh-aew. he doesn’t want oh-aew to feel the same bond with his drama club friends that teh has (esp when he sees that oh-aew is so close to his uni friends). where oh-aew was anxious about teh and his uni friends not getting on, teh is anxious that oh-aew and his drama club friends will get on too well so he has to create this distinction between them. kind of like his petty attempt to be all “i have my own friends too!!”, but it’s also combined with that feeling of inadequacy that he might not fit into oh-aew’s life anymore. he might not be ‘special’. idk if that makes sense but basically i think that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things during this scene.

when he starts attacking oh-aew at dinner...that was really hard to watch. you ever feel like you want to reach through the screen and just put your hand over someone’s mouth so they stop talking?? it was rough :/ it’s one thing to fight when it’s just the two of you alone, but it’s another thing to tear your partner down right in front of your friends. i understand teh’s feelings (and i know that they’ve been building up over this time), but my frustration was through the ROOF during this. it’s on brand for him, but still. and then poor khim :( i know oh-aew didn’t mean it in that way but the awkwardness of this entire dinner was just overwhelming.

another thing that’s sad about what teh said about oh-aew is that this is a huge sore spot for oh-aew, and it’s always been one of his biggest insecurities. the reason they stopped being friends when they were kids was bc teh said that he was going to quit eventually, so for teh to talk about how “shilly shally and indecisive” he is/how easily he ‘quits’ at things is a low blow when he already knows how much those words hurt oh-aew.

teh has a habit of jumping to conclusions based on oh-aew’s social media posts instead of actually talking things out with oh-aew so naturally it would make an appearance again here as well. and calling oh-aew’s friends “shitty” bc they’re different to him (aren’t as driven as teh and his drama club gang...therefore a bad influence on oh-aew) makes it really evident that teh still has a lot to learn. he really needs to start taking those acting class lessons to heart so he can see that not everyone is the same, and that other peoples’ experiences and perspectives are valid too.

teh’s long pause and “maybe” to oh-aew’s “and if this is what i really am, you’re not gonna like me anymore, are you?” BIG SIGH. it’s so typical of teh. i know he’s honest to a fault, but he REALLY needs to learn to think before he speaks sometimes bc he always ends up regretting it. i love that impulsivity of his, but it’s also one of the most frustrating things about him.

one thing that i find kind of annoying with the time skip is that we miss so much of teh’s festering feelings that it’s a bit harder to empathise with him when he has his eventual blow up?? i think if we were seeing this more consistently, it would be much easier for us to understand things from his pov better. like if we could slowly see this building up more and more as time went on, rather than just time skipping the 8 months until the blow up.

anyway, now khim and top are graduating ;;; i really hope that we’ll still get to see more of them in the next eps. i also love how the people in teh’s life are always so concerned for him (and how oh-aew’s doing). the message behind the book teh gets for khim’s graduation present is really sweet.

when khim first tells them that she’s going to be a flight attendant and teh blows up, i felt really angry at him initially. but upon reflection and rewatching this ep again...i think i understand where he’s coming from a lot better now. obv i still think he was out of line bc of course what khim’s saying makes sense...she can’t keep going to casting calls and scraping by with minor roles when she has to support herself and her family. in the end, we all need money to survive, and sometimes we have to be realistic about it. i really loved what she said about how we can have multiple dreams at once. but yeah, my heart really went out for her so much here :( it might be difficult for teh to see (or accept) rn, but he’s a lot more privileged than he realises. he still has hoon and his mother to support him financially, but not everyone is in the same position. not everyone gets to be as lucky.

regardless, i still understand why teh gets as torn up about it as he does. khim is someone that he’s looked up to and respected SO much...and his own doubts and insecurities have been steadily increasing. first, oh-aew changes majors, then, he keeps getting rejected at auditions, and now, the senior that he respects the most bc of her hard work and determination, is giving up her dream (at least in his eyes) to become a flight attendant. it’s like the world keeps telling him to give up bc it’s not going to work out for him. and he’s invested EVERYTHING into this dream. it’s all or nothing for him. but it’s like everyone else is slipping away, and it’s getting harder and harder to hold onto.

when teh looks at the tie and is reminded of oh-aew always being there to put it on for him :(((((((( ngl i was hoping that teh would be the first one to approach oh-aew (since their fight was bc of him), but i’m glad he apologised at least. and that they had a good talk about their feelings. but then again, this reflection after their fights is what they’ve always been fairly good at. teh just has to learn to stop internalising things so much that he ends up exploding so they don’t get to this point in the first place. so much has flipped from the first ep where oh-aew was the one feeling lonely and out of place. now it’s teh’s turn to feel all alone as he sees everyone’s dreams and goals (but his) start to change. like everyone is moving on and learning to adjust while he’s being left behind.

when they’re promising each other that their love for one another will never change, it just makes me feel so SAD. seeing them in the moonlight like this compared to the first ep when they were on the beach in phuket and teh was so hopeful and oh-aew was so worried :( everything’s already changed so much. making this promise under the moon like this reminds me of how bkpp kept talking about how the ‘ipytm’ title itself means an impossible promise...the two of them hugging in the moonlight as the score plays just feels so painfully bittersweet somehow ;;; my heart is aching, and i want the next ep, but i can’t deny that my anxiety is slowly building.

anyway, i know the end of this sounds so negative but i’m still banking on our teh/oh-aew endgame!!!!!!! it just needs to get worse to get better, and there’s still so much space for them to grow and learn. so many more experiences in store for them.

[borhapstyles]

Hi! head cannon request!! beach day for ben hardy and reader with their three kids! (two older boys and a younger girl)!!!!

i got this request like a month ago im so sorry its late and i’m so sorry if this sucks too ahhhh i tried it’s currently raining outside so i don’t have much inspo but i hope this works, might edit it later on xx 

also this is pretty long lol enjoy darlings

sometimes beach days with the family were planned

sometimes they were spontaneous trips out, when you guys wanted to escape the London smog

this was one of those days

it was a Friday morning, late September,

Ben was set to leave in a week to film a new project abroad

and with your two sons starting school again in a few days

the air around your house was solemn, to say the least

you guys had spent the summer together travelling, with your family having your first disneyland trip together amongst other activities

and everyone was rather sad for the change of pace again, to pick up normal life once again

you tried not to show your sadness with Ben leaving and Ben tried not to show his own reluctance to go

but your oldest son, who was 7, couldn’t mask his sadness and mixed them with pre-school jitters

“what’s wrong, darling?” you said as you approached him, a heavy frown on his face as he played with his toys

“i don’t want daddy to leave.”

you felt your heart break right there and you hoped Ben wasnt anywhere near to hear it cause you know he might just drop the whole film if he heard

“that’s his job though, baby. he needs to go out and do these things for us, so that we can live in this nice big house and so that I can take care of you and your siblings.”

“but I want him here, I don’t want him to go. I’ll never see him anymore.”

even if your 7 year old was a mama’s boy, him and his father had a special bond

which often involved Ben giving him ice cream when he knows he shouldn’t have more sugar and teaching him little things about sports and life in general amongst other things

“you’ll still see him, darling. every night if you want to, we’ll facetime him. and we can always go out and visit him on your school breaks, you love seeing him on set, don’t you? remember how much fun we had when we visited him in Paris?”

“...okay, mummy.”

but you knew he wasn’t fully happy with the idea yet

and neither were you, neither was anyone really

but this was Ben’s career and is also what made him happy, it’s what made you happy, and it was never going to be easy to begin with

a few minutes later though, you ran into Ben just standing in the hallway on his phone

“are you alright?” you poked at him and he looked up at you and sighed

you walked over to him and he wrapped his arms around you, kissed your temple and frowned

“i heard what (your son’s name) said earlier, about not wanting me to leave so i’ve been standing here since on my phone calendar trying to figure out all the weekends I can come home or when you guys can fly out.”

“Ben...”

“why’s it so hard to leave this time?” you felt him melt into you and you rubbed his back gently

“because you have us, and you love us. but,” you pulled back to look him in his eyes, “you’ve also loved acting since you were 15 and you’ve worked so hard to get to this point. this film’s going to be incredible and the most amazing people are on it, yourself included.”

Ben then blushed because he knew how many other famous actors auditioned for his role but it was his to claim, he earned it and deserved it the most

not that he believed that though

for as cocky as Ben could play

he could be quite insecure in his own abilities sometimes, which is when you stepped in with warm arms and reassured him of his talent

“everything’s complete here. you guys are my everything now and i dunno why i’m leaving you all sometimes.” he mumbled into your shoulder.

your hands went to the back of his head and you patted the soft hair gently

“this is part of it sometimes, we both know that so well. and it’s not everyday that you get to work with a director like Christopher Nolan, you’d regret it one day if you turned all this down.” you spoke softly

Ben sighed, knowing you were right

u always right tbh

but anyways

as you held Ben in your hallway, the TV in the background where your two sons played as your daughter slept peacefully in her bedroom

you noticed that it was raining outside

surprise surprise for london am i right

“here, i have an idea that i think will make all of us feel better” you said before pulling out your phone

“are your parents home this weekend?”

aaaaaand eventually the five of you found yourselves driving down to Bournemouth

all of you had little overnight bags packed for when you’d spend the night at Ben’s parents’ house

which they did not mind one bit and already had the guest room set up

“was wondering when you guys would visit, we never see our grandkids enough!” they guilted

but all this was just so that you guys could have your needed beach day

because surprisingly enough, the weather down in Bournemouth was so much more pleasant than the dreary London rain

and the five of you just needed to get out of the house

anyways

once you all finally made it out to the sand

your kids, who had been to the beach a plethora of times before,

still treated it like it was their first time out to the beach

Ben was particularly amused with your daughter who was still having trouble deciding if her two year old self liked sand

he would gently lower her into the soft sand, watch her toes curl and her face twist into one that says ‘i don’t know what this is but i kinda like it’

“darling, look at her face, look” Ben said before bursting into laughter because he’s just so fascinated by her

she’d definitely grow up to be a daddy’s girl, Ben spoiled her like mad

and of course she was wearing the little outfit he had picked out for her whilst you two were out shopping one day

and your sons, they just adored the water

you told them not to go too far out and watched them like a hawk

but loved seeing them splash around

and when they had their fun with the water they came out and were begging for their dad to play football with them

and Ben went around kicking the ball with them while you held your daughter and fake-narrated the game

your sons also insisted on building the greatest sand castle there was to ever exist, at least with the materials you guys had

“daddy, more water for the sand, please.” your oldest son would command whilst helping his little brother form another castle

your heart just melted watching all three of them have a go at it while you held your little girl

they were the perfect mix of you and Ben physically, but they had his determination and his confidence

and when they started fighting over who got to be king of the castle??

Ben stepped in, “alright, alright, that’s enough. if you two can’t share the role as king, then no one is going to be king.”

“but you can’t have just a queen”

“who says you can’t?” you said

“i-i mean, well, you’re the queen, mummy, and-”

“and,” Ben cut him off, seeing this as a valuable moment to teach his children about gender roles and expectations in the little ways that he could,

“mummy can be a queen just by herself, she’s capable of anything, as is your sister. they don’t ever need a king, but they can have one if they like. now what do you say,” he turned to you

“would you like to have a king?”

you laughed and said “sure, but i don’t want just one. i want these two handsome boys right here to be my kings.”

and that’s when your daughter started giggling

and Ben scooped her into his arms and tickled her

eventually when the sun was setting, the five of you would settle atop the beach blankets

eating random snacks that Ben had packed while you got the kids ready

and your husband of course made sure to pack the separate snacks that your daughter loved because she was kinda a picky eater and Ben would do anything for her

but really Ben would do anything for you guys

and while you two watched your kids playing, he leaned his head against your shoulder

“thank you for getting us out of the house” he mumbled, feeling absolutely content with the day you guys had “dunno what i’d do without you”

“mm, it was getting to be a bit much inside there anyways. i think we all needed this, one final goodbye to the summer, till next year.” you replied

Ben then kissed your shoulder and mumbled something a little too nsfw that probably shouldn’t have been said with your kids nearby lmao

and you playfully punched his shoulder and were like “Ben, the kids are here”

and he just chuckled and kissed your temple

“promise me you’ll always do this?”

“do what?” you laughed

“you know, save me, save us, from when things start to feel like shit”

“only if you do the same when i’m down.”

Ben nodded and shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

“i’ll always look after you, darling.”

[ingenves]

     hello angels ! the name’s moose ( she/her ) & i love bugs and poutine. it’s late af so im off to bed right away but ! i would love to plot with each and every single one of you so definitely feel free to HMU ( on here or u can ask for my discord if u prefer ) or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u ! i don’t have a wc page or anything sorted out yet but we rollin. you can peep saskia’s pinterest board HERE for the aesthetic™ 

     ⌈ sophie turner, cisfemale, she/her ⌋ hey, is it SASKIA GRAHAM that you’re looking for? you know, the TWENTY-ONE year old ACTRESS. typically i see them hanging around NEPTUNE’S DINER so you could try there! i hear they’ve been in living in KINGSTON for ONE YEAR. gristol wouldn’t be the same without them, right? anyway, whenever i see them they make me think of fresh manicures, sweet nothings whispered in french & broken champagne bottles on a tile floor. 

ok so! lil miss saskia is the only child of infamous director lloyd graham and his second wife anna, a talent agent. they split up when she was a baby and although she was born in london, she primarily grew up in paris where she lived w her father and her step mom anaïs who was just an up-and-coming designer at the time of their marriage

as u can imagine, she grew up living this extravagant and opulent lifestyle that she’s since become addicted to

it was hard to be a normal kid w the parents she had, but.....all of her friends were also a part of the same world she was. as far as her childhood goes, ofc she was super duper privileged so it wasnt HARD but it also wasnt always easy??

she started acting when she was v young. she started her career in theatre as a child actor and then occasionally making small appearances in various movies that her father was working on, but her career rly took off when she hit her teen years.

she’s got a reputation for being a scream queen, most of her filmography consisting of indie french horror and thriller movies. she’s fairly well-known in france and in europe for her work but not so much in the americas unless ur into french / foreign film ig?

her father has always had most of the control over her career. although he had no part in getting her roles, he did police what she could and couldn’t audition for and he did his best to make sure that she stayed scandal-free and out of the tabloids to avoid taking a dump on the family name u know?

which is........kind of funny bc her dad is WELL KNOWN for being horrible to work with, short-tempered, demanding, all that good stuff. he’s also just.....rude. and elitist and he thinks he’s better than everyone else even tho his movies arent even THAT good. satan himself, probably

so ofc saskia didn’t want to work w him either and it was exhausting having to be his DAUGHTER when he’s so controlling

they had this MASSIVE fight eventually, where saskia basically called him out for trying to control every aspect of her life instead of just letting her LIVE and take her career and her life in the direction she wanted to. he claimed that every single one of her accomplishments was because of HIM and because of their name and without all their money she would be nothing and that made her FURIOUS bc as much as yes, her family did help her get her foot in the door and get auditions, all of the work she’s done and every role she’s gotten was because she earned it, not because of anyone else

in an act of spite and to give her dad two big ole MIDDLE FINGERS she moved to the place her father hates the most, new york city. that’s what she told him, at least, but she settled in gristol instead, just a short drive away from the big apple

she never rly pictured herself living there since.....paris is her entire life and she’s never rly had an interest in expanding her horizons to american film but.........now that she’s tryna piss off her dad she just might :/

ditched her big fancy house for a cute lil apartment that she adores

tbqh she’s just been taking a hiatus from her career since moving, straight chillin most of the time , kind of laying low and getting her ducks in a row, letting her father stew while not knowing wtf she’s been doing for a year

but she’s bored bored BORED and she doesn’t want to go back home so she’s just getting her career going again, going to auditions and doing the whole dealio u know how it be

that abt sums it up??? let me talk abt her cancer ass now

she’s SUPER good at keeping a facade and then going home to cry herself to sleep afterwards

lowkey insecure af

riddled w trust issues

as u can tell, she is a spiteful little shit

she doesn’t like to talk abt her feelings but then.....gets offended when ppl dont realize when she’s upset or angry??? *lisa from the room vc* i don’t want to talk about it

she takes criticism very personally and will most definitely get angry at u if u criticize her in any way

wtf is a stable emotion???? she has no idea

her life is a constant cycle of overreacting to things

don’t get me WRONG she is actually quite a sweetheart but it’s when u try to call her out or break her trust that she does a fuckin flip flop and goes bananas

she out here destroying herself so no one else can :/

she gets stressed out v easily and always has to take time for herself ahdsjkfg. spa days are what keep her going

loyal af to the ppl who are loyal to her!!!!!

can be lowkey manipulative without even realizing what she’s doing. just a smooth talker rly

ok some lil extra bits for ur consideration

she rly.....had no idea how to live by herself tbqh after moving out. she was LOST. didn’t know how to do laundry or make coffee or do the dishes, she didn’t know SHIT MY GUY. for someone who is v intelligent she rly......had a hard time adjusting to Real life.

occasionally walks the runway for her step-mom but her true Passion is acting

she has to take a nap every day or else she is impossible to deal with

likes to Partay but she always texts her exes when she’s drunk :/

a sentimental BITCH!!!! keeps every letter and birthday card anyone has ever given her. she has money so like.....she prefers to receive sentimental gifts that make her lowkey soft heart Melt.

loves spontaneous trips and adventures

since moving to gristol she’s become less of a fashion bitch and more of a casual comfort hoe but.......the gal always has her nails done

she hasn’t spoken to her dad since she moved away but she talks to her step-mom almost everyday bc she adores that womaN

she absolutely.....adORES american culture. she watched a ton of american tv growing up and she idolizes that shit dude

fluent in french & english ofc!! has a lil french accent

ok that’s all i have rly thank u for reading this far if u did and if not i feel u man and i still love u 

[in-madhouses]

drink up your movements (still i can’t get enough)

Niall Horan to Aahna Deakins: just a heads up

Aahna Deakins: ??

Niall Horan: i think caroline wants to have sex with you

Aahna Deakins: i mean i already knew that

Niall Horan: …

Niall Horan: what?

Aahna Deakins: seen

Niall Horan: ‘m gonna kill harry

Aahna Deakins walks onto the set that first day of filming and Niall just knows he’s fucked. Like, proper, up the arse, without lube, fucked.

And he doesn’t think that very often. Not since he was twenty and earning minimum wage as an english lit teaching assistant who auditioned for a small role in a tv show but ends up being cast as Remus Lupin.

Three and a half critically acclaimed seasons later, he’s one of the more successful actors in the British young adult genre, earns more than the average person’s annual income in a month, and oh, right, is on first name basis with JK Rowling. A feat he’s sure he’ll never top considering that he was an avid Potterhead growing up. (He still has his first copies of the books, creased, weathered, and now, signed by the author herself, sitting on his shelf along with every script that he’s ever received.)

Life is, more or less, good. But after weeks of whispers proclaiming everything from new characters being added to the cast to the producers planning a genderswap episode, things take a sudden nosedive.

Their red stamped ‘Confidential’ scripts made clear that some of the rumours were true; they were adding a character to the show but said character is only there for a backdoor pilot that spills over multiple crossover episodes within the latter season of Marauders: Mischief & Mayhem. If it were any other show, it would be easy to assume that the writers were getting lazy; a whole six episode arc to introduce characters and a plot that will depart for its own show? Seems ridiculous, but the idea is solid and the script is tight, so tight, that apparently Rowling herself greenlit the crossover slash spin off.

Now, by all intents and purposes, Niall and Aahna should have gotten along fine. She’s a model turned actress with a strong work ethic while he’s a seasoned veteran by now, having worked with a lot of people in his time being on Marauders. Being one of the four titular characters kind of guarantees that he’s a given amidst the revolving faces of extras and guest stars. But for some reason unknown to man, Aahna Deakins completely just… gets the better of him.  

He recognises her from pictures and billboards when they have their first table read, tall and tan, all lean muscle and sharp edges, her face as mysterious as it is expressive.

When he looks her up, he finds her tweets sharp and witty, her instagram lined with humour, and her presence in the tabloids a staple. And for that alone, he realises that they would mix about as well as oil and water. The fact that they share about 50% of their screen time together doesn’t help. Every scene, every table read, every small discussion turns, at some point or another, into a ridiculous debate and often time (more than a little) raised voices.

He’s not sure how, or who, starts it, but they have full on shouting matches about inflection and intention and everything in between. And it’s not like he’s the oddity who doesn’t play well with his cast members, he gets along with the cast members like a house on fire. She gets along great with everyone too, moving into Harry’s guest room because they go way back and she’s not about to make any property commitments in London until she knows for sure that her show is getting a full season order.

And that’s where things go from bad to worse for him because it means that they live in the same apartment complex and he’s practically a permanent fixture over at Harry’s.

Harry Styles to marauders doing marauder-y things (plus liam): nialler why’d u call 12 times

Niall Horan: slight emergency, am out of beer

Harry Styles: just come over u never had a problem with that b4

Niall Horan: deakins there?

Harry Styles: look do u have any idea how big a deal this is for her

Harry Styles: she did two pilots that got axed before they aired in the states

Harry Styles: and that one movie that basically made a loss in the box office

Liam Payne: didn’t she win a bafta for that?

Louis Tomlinson: nah

Louis Tomlinson: she won the baftas by going on the red carpet with her girlfriend

Harry Styles: *ex gf

Harry Styles: they broke up at the after party

Harry Styles: it was a mess™

Zayn Malik: i still got pictures from that night… that i don’t… understnd what’s going on

Harry Styles: lol yeah u were pretty fucked mate

Louis Tomlinson: i maintain i had nothing to do with that

Liam Payne: wow that girl’s not having a good year is she?

Harry Styles: yeah so maybe u guys should like go easy on her

Zayn Malik: i’m out with her and caroline rn wot u talking about

Louis Tomlinson: i don’t have a prob with her

Liam Payne: i literally have like two scenes with her

Niall Horan: seen

Harry Styles: did you just type ‘seen’

Harry Styles: that’s not how you seen someone, u just seen them

Harry Styles: !!!

Louis Tomlinson renamed the group niall old man horan™ cant work tech

Niall tries to be nicer to her, he really does, but Aahna Deakins doesn’t quite make it easy for him.

She’s… a bit of an enigma.

On one hand, she’s just the type of person he wouldn’t mind as a friend; a sense of humour, the ability to draw the line between on and off screen relations, and an oddly in depth knowledge on history and mythology. (They had a twenty minute row on set about lycanthrophy which had to be escalated to some staff writers before they reached a resolution that she was indeed correct, despite the fact that he’d been the one playing a werewolf for most of his on-screen career. Where is the justice?)

But on the other hand, their similar interests; a passion for food, books, and golf doesn’t stop them from arguing all the time. And it doesn’t quite matter where they are either; on scene, in the studio, at the apartment, even while grabbing lunch with the cast. There’s apparently always something to disagree over.

Suffice to say, it drives everyone a little bit crazy. Especially Harry, who is caught in between more often than not.

“Oi, five-year-olds! We were trying to get some work done here?” Harry hollers, rolling his eyes.

Aahna’s in midst of running lines with some of the boys at Harry’s when Niall decides to pop by for a beer and they (naturally) find something or another to bicker about.

“Oh, I’m a five-year-old?” Aahna asks, incredulous, “I’m not the one who needed seven takes to get one line right,” she shoots a glare at him as he plops down on the couch, a beer in hand, intentionally close to her despite the copious amounts of space available literally anywhere in the living room.

It’s evident at that point, that no work is going to commence in the space anytime soon.

“I wouldn’t have needed seven takes if you didn’t keep breathing down my neck about my bleedin’ accent,” Niall jabs her in the ribs with his free elbow, “Christ, you give a model one acting gig and she thinks she’s Helen fucking Mirren.”

Niall’s not quite sure why, but the need to rile her up as much as she does him is overwhelming. It isn’t even hypothetical, when it comes to Aahna, he’s condescending and he’s obstinate to a point of being obnoxious, and he can’t seem to help himself. He’s tried to isolate where the antagonism is coming from, because it really is out of the ordinary; her presence, on set and in recent times, in his life, somehow nettles him more than it should.

But he isn’t sure what it is about her. Isn’t sure why he’s reacting the way he is.

Aahna just… gets under his skin.

“Don’t you have your own apartment to muck around and drink and do nothing in?” Aahna huffs at him, voice condescending as he plucks the script out of her hands.

“Well if I did that, who would you have to distract from learning your lines?” Niall shoots back, voice dripping with something not quite pure annoyance.

“Alright you two need to cut it out!” Harry is pretty much frantic at this point. “And Lou, stop taking shots. It’s barely sundown! What is wrong with you?”  

Louis simply shrugs and tilts his head back, tequila shot glass in hand and refusing to look even a little bit guilty for not helping the situation even at all.

“Many things, primarily his overwhelming desire avoid responsibility,” Zayn shrugs.

“Oh, blow me Malik,” Louis snaps.

“Not for free.”

Life falls into a bit of a schedule like that. They work, they bicker, their friends slash cast mates break up the tension of their bickering, and they all end up getting drinks together or watching some kind of documentary at Harry’s whilst playing a drinking game at his expense (they take a shot everytime he points out an inaccuracy).

And it works, until they’re about halfway into filming the third episode when something just snaps in him.

“Can you stop it with these accusations?”

“It wasn’t an accusation,” she hisses back, the line of her jaw going taut as she walks off set, heading, he’s guessing, away from him. Which of course, only leads to him trailing behind, matching her large strides.

It’s the same old song and dance.

“Really?” Niall taunts, unable to help himself, “Sure as hell sounded like one.”

“Well, it wasn’t.”

“Alright, then.”

“Just shut up.”

“Excuse me?”

“Just shut up!” She snaps, taking a step forward at him as if to issue a challenge. And suddenly they’re all too close. The inches separating them feel like a ravine. An abyss from which he’s not sure he’ll recover from.

“It wasn’t an accusation, it was a observation,” she says finally after the silence lingers one second too long between them, “You come in and you do the scenes without a thought; you know your character, you know Remus by heart, and that’s great for you, but some of us don’t have a five season contract to tide us over.”

Niall grits his teeth at that.

Her lips purse at the silence and when she finally speaks, he’s sure it’s just to provoke him some more.

“You’re maddening,” she says, sounding equal parts exasperated and defeated.

“What, so I can’t argue with you but I can’t be agreeable either?”

“Well, maybe it’s too late to be agreeable.”

“Well, maybe it shouldn’t be.”

The glare that she throws him is heated and harsh, “Why do you care so much?”

She’s got him there, he has to admit.

And so they stare at one another like that, breaths uneven and face tinged pink from anger.

Before he knows it though, he’s crashing into her like a tidal wave; mouth on mouth, skin on skin, and searing heat all over.

It’s not just a kiss, it’s a head rush. It’s a fight. It’s… akin to a flood, and it’s as though he’s waited his whole life to feel it. Part of him knows that they were just seconds ago shouting themselves hoarse at one another, but she’s pulling him in closer and all Niall can hear his blood rushing in his ears, blocking out everything but the smell of her, the taste of her, the feel of her.

Her lips are pressing up against his, ravenous, matching his intensity.

He’s glad that they’ve actually gone into overtime for the scene and the studio is mostly empty at this time of night because when they finally stumble into his dressing room, the door slams behind them with all the subtlety of police sirens in the dead of night.

“Fuck,” she gasps, pulling back as though reality hit her like a tonne of bricks. Her eyes wide and frenzied, lips red, hair wild around her head. Niall is certain that if they were to be walked in on, they would look to an outsider, guilty as sin.

Her blouse is halfway buttoned and barely hanging off her shoulders while his belt buckle is undone and fly already down.

“Fuck?”

“Yeah,” she agrees, “Fuck!” She reiterates herself slightly louder, running her hands through her already wild hair.

Niall breathes out a shaky laugh, “Someone’s eloquent tonight.”

“Oh like you think of a better word to describe,” she motioned the space between them a little too frantically with her hand, “… whatever this is?”

“I’ve got a couple off the top of my head, yeah.” He shrugs, looking her straight in the eye.

There’s a silence. And then…

“Oh shut up,” she instructs, taking a step closer before tugging on his jumper and pulling his lips back down onto hers.

Niall Horan to niallofficial is a shitty twitter handle: seriously

Niall Horan: which one of you bellends got Sierra involved

Harry Styles: ???

Niall Horan: someone told my agent

Niall Horan: who apparently is also deakins’ agent (thanks btw harry)

Niall Horan: that i’m being difficult on set

Niall Horan: now she wants to ‘talk to me’ tomorrow at her office

Louis Tomlinson: … have u evn checked twitter since u created your acc?

Louis Tomlinson: mirror.co.uk/things-getting-fired-up-between-niall-horan-and-model-actress-aahna-deakins-on-marauder-set

Niall Horan: oh

Liam Payne: don’t think ‘oh’ is gonna fix this one mate

Niall Horan: this explains that email from the execs

Louis Tomlinson: i can’t believe u read those studio memos

Harry Styles: not to abruptly change the subject but i need 2 talk about this thing with me n ains

Niall Horan: my agent is about to rip me a new one for on set behaviour

Niall Horan: which by the looks of the mirror article, the whole world knows about by now despite it being a closed set and everything

Niall Horan: but by all means commandeer the chat to talk about your love life

Louis Tomlinson: either get together or dont

Zayn Malik: ur not exaclty an authority on the subjct tommo

Harry Styles: i have booze

Louis Tomlinson: in the car now

Liam Payne: swing by to pick me up

Zayn Malik: me too

Niall Horan: getting in the elevator now

Ainsley Williams to Niall Horan: You should look at Twitter right now

Ainsley Williams: Everyone is so frenzied

Ainsley Williams: By the way, what were you boys up to last night?

Ainsley Williams: Apart from your drunk tweets

Ainsley Williams: Harry called twice to tell me he really enjoys scones

Ainsley Williams: Hello?

Niall is a little nervous as he makes his way to Sierra’s office at five past noon. The woman is a hardass agent who’s great at sniffing out opportunity (not that he’s needed for much from her in the past four years). She books his appearances, endorsements, and despite him never being interested, never fails to send over scripts for killer movie roles.

By proxy, she also works as his publicist, although they have more of a you stay out of trouble and I don’t have to put out any fires type of relationship.

And now he’s five minutes late to see her.

Sierra I didn’t get to where I am today by sleeping in Jones, is going to rip him a new one. He knows it. He can feel it in his bones. Niall can just imagine, and he groans at the thought of it, her utter annoyance at him. First he makes headlines for being a diva on set and not playing nice with the newcomer and then shows up to a meeting late? She’ll have his left nut and then some.

He reaches her office door a good three minutes later despite the near jogging pace he’s been walking at and silently curses Harry’s complicated love life. He’d told Aahna to stay at Ainsley’s so that he could have a lad’s night but ended up mostly just whining about how he doesn’t quite know where he stands with Ainsley.

Sierra’s assistant waves him in and he takes a deep breath before pushing the door open, surprised himself to find Aahna already in the room and apparently trying to reason with the older woman.

“Mr. Horan, how nice of you to join us,” Sierra greets his entrance sweetly, sarcasm simmering just beneath the surface of her voice.

Niall shuts the door behind him, rolling his eyes ever so slightly. The woman is a great agent, he can’t argue with that, and an expert negotiator too, but she’s definitely got a short temper and a flair for dramatics.

“Do sit down.”

Niall slides into the chair next to Aahna, intentionally avoiding her gaze considering that they hadn’t discussed their rather… explosive row few days prior. Not that they had much to discuss; they yelled, they had a bout of angry shagging, and kind of just left things at that.

It helps that they hadn’t needed to be in the same room together since. Up until this point that is.

“You wanted to talk to me?” He almost chokes out the words, voice a little worse for wear after the night of heavy drinking.

Sierra raises her eyebrow before letting her stare flit between her two clients, as if gauging something.

“Well, it has come to my attention that there’s been some… trouble on set,” the older woman starts saying, “Now, I don’t normally interfere in these matters but neither of you have publicists or managers, and no one is pointing fingers, but filming might need to go into overtime for two weeks.”

Sierra takes a long breath and exhales rather theatrically before continuing, “Would I be wrong to assume that this is because you two can’t seem to get your scenes wrapped satisfactorily?”

Niall sighs, “Is that what she told you?”

The woman frowned, “Is that incorrect?”

“That’s hardly—”

“Aahna, you’ve had your say, now I’d rather hear his,” Sierra says curtly before diverting her attention back to him.

Niall takes a deep breath before non committally saying, “Well, there was never a problem like this until she came around.”

“Oh, piss off!”

“Language, Aahna!” Sierra snaps, glaring at her sharply for a moment before resettling her gaze on Niall, exhaling crossly, “You were saying?”

He pauses for a moment, feeling his co-star’s rage boring holes into the side of his head. The co-star he does not at all like but shagged in his dressing room. (But there’s no way he’s discussing that with Sierra. Or anyone really.)

“We just… rub each other the wrong way,” he settled on saying, “And maybe that’s stalled production a little but—”

“Oh, so this is my fault now?” Aahna interjects.

“You can’t just conveniently skip over the part where you constantly insult how I play my character and think that that’s not going to have an effect on production!”

“Forgive me for trying to have a civil discourse—”

“And here we go again with the accusations—”

“For the last time, it’s not—”

“All you need to do is show up and read your lines—”

“We’re on the same team here, you wank—”

“If you two could restrain yourselves!” Sierra interjects, her voice the loudest Niall has ever heard. She pinches the bridge of her nose and exhales, taking her time to (he’s guessing) let all three of them calm down.

She declares crisply, voice slightly acidic, “Do you think we can find it within ourselves to act our age?”

“I wasn’t the one tweeting obscenities at midnight,” Aahna rolls her eyes, crossing her arms like a petulant teenager.

Technically, she’s right. (He’d seen some of her meme retweets of their video that’s making its way around the internet and things got… a little more heated online. The boys and the booze didn’t help, obviously.) But he’s not about to let her know that.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! I wasn’t the one retweeting vines—”

“Obviously, you didn’t even know what a vine was before—”

“WOULD YOU BOTH. JUST. SHUT IT?!” Sierra explodes, her voice cracking with shrill exasperation, her eyes blazing at the indignant lack of respect in her two clients.

They’re both immediately silenced, words dissolving off of their tongues at the volatile frustration of one Sierra Jones. Niall suspects that their agent is way past pinching the bridge of her nose in dramatic silence. So they sit there under her steely gaze.

After a moment or two, she states as a matter of factly, “I’ve come to a conclusion that you two idiots need to sort this out yourselves.”

He hears Aahna scoff derisively.

Niall blinks at that, slowly and deliberately, contemplating his agent’s words and willing her to continue that sentence because honestly, he imagines that paying her 20 per cent of his income would warrant a better solution.

“You two clearly have personal issues that you need to resolve outside of the set,” Sierra says, eerily calm as she flips through some files, some scripts, and stacking them all together, “If these little outbursts are of any indication, your antagonism towards one another clearly goes beyond work.”

Niall reluctantly turns to meet Aahna’s confused gaze as they both pull into the same trail of thought, all of five minutes with them and they’ve somehow driven their agent completely mental.

“The only way I see fit to remedy this situation is to forcibly give the two of you time together to straighten things out.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, his head fills with apprehensive dread. More time together did not sound like a solution. If anything, it spells disaster, and clearly, Aahna thought so too.

They both speak out at the same time;

“The more time we spend together is just more time spent fighting.”

“Wouldn’t throwing us into The Hunger Games be faster?”

“Is that even necessary when we’re already halfway through the season?”

“If we’re already behind schedule that hardly sounds like a good idea.”

Ignoring them both, Sierra rearranges the stack of her files patiently and stands up, tucking them into her oversized purse before pushing a button on the phone on her desk, “You can leave for the rest of the day, Andrea, I’ll be working remotely.”

“Hang on,” Niall asks as Sierra walks around the table toward the door, “Did you just say ‘forcibly’?”

She swivels around to face them as she reaches the door.

“I don’t know about you kids, but my Twitter feed today is 80% people asking if the two of you are having hate sex,” Sierra’s no nonsense eyes snaps over to his mirthlessly, as though issuing a challenge, “And I’m not saying that hate fucking is going to fix this… whatever it is that’s going on between you two, but it might be something to think about in the next few hours.”

They’re both out of their seats at this point.

They have definitely, definitely, driven their agent to the brink of insanity.

“You’re kidding.”

Sierra tight lips lifted slightly into a satisfied smirk, “I don’t ‘kid’.”

“You can’t just lock us into a room together and force us to get along.”

“Watch me.”

And with that, she is out the door with a rather decisive click echoing behind her slamming the door shut.

Aahna turns to look at him, “Did she just—”

“Lock us in her office together? Yeah, I think so.”

Niall’s eyes fly shut in disbelief, head lolling back and frustrated groan leaving his lips as she lunges forward toward the door to rattle the knob inconsequentially.

She turns around, a slip of paper that Sierra somehow slid through under the door in her hands.

“This is a nightmare,” she declares, passing him the piece of paper.

    Office is soundproof so yell away.

    Snacks and water in my left drawer.

    Cleaners have the keys. They come at four.

    DO NOT BREAK ANYTHING.

A rather tense, momentary silence fills the room. While Niall resigns himself to their fate, it seems that Aahna has other thoughts, fidgeting with the doorknob some more and getting really up close and personal with the door in general.

When he doesn’t seem at all bothered to help, she snaps at his direction, “What are you even doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Vegetating, or something equally productive.”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Niall kicks his legs up onto Sierra’s desk and places his hands behind his head.

“So you’re just going to not look for a way out of this?”

“She said that the cleaners are coming in a few hours,” he shrugs, enjoying the fact that the whole situation seems to have her more on edge than him.

And on edge she proves to be, making a ruckus and a whole production out of trying to unscrew the hinges and then moving onto attempts to break the doorknob. After about twenty minutes of her basically exhausting herself and him making mindlessly unhelpful comments, Aahna slumps onto the sofa.

It’s uncomfortable to say the least, but only because they’ve never really spent any time alone together. There are always other cast members around, or crew members, or… other people in general. And the last time they were left alone, well, that didn’t really fix anything.

Niall never would have thought in a million years this is what his career would result in after taking on Remus Lupin.

He had prepared himself for pulling all-nighters to get scenes just right for rather difficult directors or falling in love with guest stars on the show over table reads on otherwise unremarkable Wednesday nights or piling laughingly into taxis with the cast and crew after a night out and having good-naturedly bemused drivers who’d chuckle and ask to take selfies with him. But he hasn’t quite done any of those things.

He’s never been one for rash, near-reckless errors in judgment so he doesn’t quite know why he expected life to change.

But it didn’t, for so long, that he got comfortable and now he doesn’t know what the protocol is when you don’t get along with a co-worker, get into their pants that one time, be involved in a bit of bad press, and then get locked in a room with said co-worker.

So they just sit in silence for a few minutes, the tension palpable, and it’s turning him into a bit of a mess honestly, sitting there with his phone dead and nothing to do to distract from the fact that the last time they were alone together, things got a little… out of hand.

He tries not to think about it, he really does, but the way she drapes herself onto the sofa and a lack of things to occupy his mind with makes it a pervading thought; the way she had kissed him back, hard and rough and unexpected. The way his hands moved from her waist, lower and lower, like they’d been there before.

Niall starts shuffling through some of the scripts on Sierra’s desk to have something to do, but none of them hold his attention for long. His thoughts revolve mostly around how the last time they were alone together, his heart raced and his head swam and his blood seared.

The slow-going and low-simmering… something that he feels for her has inexplicably expanded. Exploded. Gone from an itch he couldn’t quite scratch to a blistering burn he couldn’t ignore. He thinks that liking someone isn’t a prerequisite for wanting them. Which is why he finds himself blurting out, “So the boys may or may not have also suggested that we should fuck.”

Aahna raises her eyebrow at his direction from the couch slash casual sitting area in Sierra’s office where she’s taken up permanent residence in the past ten minutes, casually swiping on her phone.

Her expression ripples with surprise and then disdain.

“Why exactly do the boys think we should fuck?”

“I didn’t tell them that we technically already did if that’s what you’re worried about, they just think that some platonic fucking might actually help us be in the same room as each other without wanting to kill each other.”

And also they thought it might be good for me to stop being a soppy romantic and just get laid, he thinks. But he doesn’t say it.

“Right,” she says, but there’s something a bit off about her voice, “The platonic fucking in your dressing room didn’t exactly help us with Sierra today now did it?”

“It’s just a thought.”

“Uh huh.”

The pause that follows is heavy and full of all kinds of something he can’t name.

“This was a mistake,” he groans.

“What’s that mean?”

“What?”

“You said ‘this’ was a mistake,” she replies casually.

His heartbeat is beating fast, faster than it should be, and his palms are damp.

“What’s ‘this’?” She stands up, “Suggesting that we fuck? Or…did you mean something else?”

A muscle in his neck ticks, lurches, jumps.

“You started this,” he snaps.

“Look, I’m not a phase, okay, I’m not your crisis or your fucking spiral because your life is so God damn—”

He can tell that it’s about to turn into one of their angry yelling matches that got them into this predicament to begin with so he just nips it in the bud because he’s still slightly hungover and really isn’t in the mood, “Look, just forget I mentioned it!”

“It’s just a thought,” he’s also on his feet by now.

“Okay,” she nods in a tone that suggests she may not be okay with it.

Her gaze softens and looks genuinely alight with some kind of curiousity. But he catches the tail end of some unknown emotion flitting across her face as she takes another step forward.

“So let’s dissect it. You think we should, as Sierra so eloquently put it, have angry hate sex to solve our problems?”

He hesitates and clenches his jaw, unsure how she can be so blasé about the whole thing.

Tension hangs in the air between them like thick velvet curtains, heavy and all-consuming. The intensity of her gaze far too intoxicating to be uncomfortable.

“No, I’m—what do you think is happening here?” he hedges, his frustration mounting.

“I think you’re propositioning me for mindless totally non-timing consuming sex.”

Another step.

“Non time consuming?” Niall sputters, taking a step forward, a choked-off huff of frustration building at the base of his throat.

“Someone was pretty eager the last time,” she shrugs.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he huffs, completely lying.

They’re so close to one another now that he’s almost afraid a flicker of eyelashes would betray him. But she’s standing her ground, so he just waits for her to argue with him instead.

She doesn’t.

Instead she tugs on his shirt collar and fully closes the gap between them.

Their lips, as if entirely of their own accord, start to move furiously against each other and sort of just… work, in an unexpected and unexplained harmony.

Like a melody and a lyric that shouldn’t fit but flowed beautifully together.

Her throat hums in agreement beneath his lips.

Taking that as a go ahead, he moves his hands from beneath her shirt to lift her onto the solid surface they hit, Sierra’s desk. In turn, she wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him closer and smirking as he groans into her mouth, his growing arousal rubbing against her.

Aahna all but swallows her exhale as he slides his fingers into her, the sound that rips from her throat mid way between a grunt and a groan.

“You sure you want to talk about eager?” He all but challenges, a streak of confidence bordering the line of arrogance rearing its head as his fingers move against her obvious enthusiasm.

“Well, I haven’t had dick in a while, what’s your excuse?”

Her fingers are digging into his shoulders the way they are and her voice all raspy and out of breath shooting electricity into every corner of his body.

Niall can’t seem to think or breathe at their proximity. Nevermind that he’s being stupider than he’s ever been in his life, she whimpers as he groans, and his mind is blissfully blank, so he continues the teasing, rubbing and stroking and flicking.

“Okay, you have about five seconds—” she starts to say before he hastily covers his mouth with hers.

He lets his tongue push past her lips at the same time he pushes into her and the sound that comes from her throat is so fucking intoxicating that he‘s not sure of anything anymore.

Niall grips both sides of her hips tight, moving slowly inside of her, giving her the only thing he’s got that she wants and it pisses him off to be honest, how well they fit together. And by the way she’s leaving fingernail crescent marks down his back, he’d say she feels it too. They are scorching and sweaty and utterly out of breath, lips lazily locked. He’s stretching and drawing out the whole ordeal further than he thought himself capable of, eliciting sounds from her that play a soft symphony around the still room.

She pulls her head back to let obscenities freely tumble out, her breath hitting his skin in ragged huffs.

Aahna practically keens for more, her cheeks impossibly flushing and her muscles tight beneath him. It’s all heady and sensual and way more than he can take so in one smooth motion, he slides out and flips her over to bend her over the desk.

He thrusts into her, deliberately frantic, each pump leaving her more of a quivering mess than before, her knees shaking and barely holding her body upright.

As her body begins to spasm, his thrusts grow more desperate, barrelling her towards the release they both crave.

A dozen or so strokes later, he’s there too.

It takes them both by surprise, the sheer intensity of it. They pant together, recovering slowly, still tangled and reeling, neither moving more than what it takes to claim the next gulping breath.

Caroline Davies to Niall Horan: u fucking deakins yet?

Niall Horan: WHAT

Niall Horan: NO

Caroline Davies: care to explain y not?

Niall Horan: care to explain where this is coming from?

Caroline Davies: cos

Caroline Davies: u should get on that

Caroline Davies: or under that

Caroline Davies: or behind that

Niall Horan: i WILL block you

Caroline Davies: lol like you know how

Caroline Davies: also, i mean, if u wont i will

Niall Horan to Aahna Deakins: just a heads up

Aahna Deakins: ??

Niall Horan: i think caroline wants to have sex with you

Aahna Deakins: i mean i already knew that

Niall Horan: …

Niall Horan: what?

Aahna Deakins: seen

Niall Horan: ‘m gonna kill harry

The first time they consciously agree to have angry hate sex, in Sierra’s office no less, Niall thought it’d be a one-time thing, an interesting experiment culminated from a hangover and not having had sex in… a while.

But then the second and third time go by, and it occurs to Niall that there might be some real science behind the whole hate sex theory.

Things actually begin to drastically improve after they start shagging out their frustrations on the regular. When they agreed on something without yelling a good few minutes about it first, Louis chokes on his tequila shot. (It’s at the pub at the corner of the studio and the boys decided that everyone needs to take a shot whenever he and Aahna ‘go at it again’ and it spectacularly backfires when they take a preemptive shot just as she says, “No, I think you’re right.”)

A few more weeks and a few more tucked away in a dusty corridor rendezvous later and they’re all at the production wrap party, hosted by the studio after the final scene of the season has been shot.

It’s a Tuesday and they’re out with some of the crew at a little bar smack down in the middle of London. Aahna’s been ordering round after round of brightly coloured cocktails, all of which named after incredibly explicit sex acts, and between the outrageously short dress she has on and the sound of her saying things like, “hit me with a screaming orgasm” and “get me a couple of leg spreaders”, Niall thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s been thrust into a very special kind of hell.

And he can’t stop fucking staring.

It’s so easy to see now that she’s more than just a persona. Not just an empty, shallow, airbrushed mask. Not just a famous for being famous type influencer slash model slash actress.

She’s blatantly jagged and simpering and unapologetic about how she is.

And she’s smart too, not a lot of people have the nerve to move their entire life across oceans to fight her way into Hollywood (albeit it didn’t pan out as well as it could have). And he doesn’t doubt for a second that she’d had to fight tooth and nail for her Marauders audition as well. That she probably had to call in favours, made some unpaid appearances, turn down “comeback” runway opportunities. Basically, really really want it.

As Aahna throws her head back, laughing from across the room at some joke the ridiculously tight v neck t’ shirt by the bar just made, Niall thinks that they need to talk about their whole provoke each other and then press each other up against walls situation. His mind is slightly befuddled by the fact that they’ve been low-key shagging for the past month or two yet she’s flirted quite openly with the bartender for the past hour and the half.

(He’s also a bit confused about the fact that he can’t find any internet searches that addresses her sexuality head on. There’s little to no indication that she’s even ‘into the d’ as the kids say.)

Her laughter carries itself across the room and Niall fights the urge to go over and drag her away from the dark-skinned, broad-shouldered bartender.

Said bartender has high cheekbones and eyes half-lidded to go along with his lazy trying hard to play it cool demeanor. His posture is perfect, a little too perfect for a man standing by the bar at some shi shi up and coming hotspot in London. If it weren’t for the pub full of who’s who at the studio, Niall might think that he’s one of those tries too hard to be dangerous prep school boys peddling designer drugs with a carefully crafted layer of apathy.

Distracting himself from the scene, he busies himself with the tedious task of talking to some studio executives. Someone has to, considering that Harry and Ainsley have disappeared god knows where together, Zayn and Louis are going round with a bottle of tequila making cast members take shots and Liam is deep in conversation with one of the directors.

He’s mid polite laugh when out of the corner of his eye, Niall sees her meander out the backdoor all hips swaying and dress swirling and alone.

A few seconds go by and he excuses himself to follow, but something, or rather someone, stops him before he even makes it to the door.

“So how long have you two been fucking?” Caroline asks bluntly.

He’s not sure how Caroline of all people would know, but in hindsight, Aahna did leave his place the other night to meet her for a drink in one of his t’ shirts.

He raises his brow and feigns nonchalance, “Me and Mark from finance?”

“You and Aahna, bellend.”

He laughs, “What makes you say that?”

“Because you have that look in your eye.”

“What look?”

“That ‘I want to fuck the shit out of you’ look.”

He looks Caroline straight in the eye and is incredibly proud of himself for not cracking, not even a little, “I do not have an ‘I want to fuck the shit out of you’ look.”

“You do and you so want to hit that,” the blonde says, all smug.

I’m already hitting that, he almost says, the words on the tip of his tongue just balancing perfectly before it swan dives him into trouble.

“No, you want to hit that,” Niall chuckles out instead.

“We get along too well for there to be any sexual chemistry,” Caroline shrugs, “The two of you on the other hand…”

“There’s nothing but animosity between us, Care.”

“Can I point out that hate sex is a known cure for situations like this?”

“Yeah. No,” he says before sidestepping her and pushing the door open.

He’s pretty sure she’s grinning like the cat that caught the canary and Niall isn’t sure if he’s the canary in the situation. The London air hits him like something out of a literary scene, a little nippy but a much appreciated break from the suffocating interrogation by the hands of one Caroline Davies inside.

Just as he recalls why he headed out there into the back alley to begin with, a line of cigarette smoke wafts into his view.

“Don’t you have better things to do than play babysitter and watch me smoke a cigarette whilst sipping on your tonic water?” Aahna remarks, a cigarette between her fingers and a layer of indifference around her.

“Excuse me?”

Niall may be twenty-five and enjoys the occasional beer or two (that often don’t end at two) but he’s also old fashioned and refuses to crack one open until the sun goes down to the very least.

“At least I’m not drunk at four in the afternoon on a Tuesday, at a company party.”

“I like to chase my cocaine high with gin, it goes down real smooth,” she hums, mocking the judgement in his voice with a line of smoke to his face.

“You realise that this isn’t Models R’Us anymore, right?”

She flashes him a smile that a journalist once called ‘equal parts make your slacks tighter and stop a baby elephant in its tracks terrifying’ in the Daily Mail and informs him in a sickeningly sweet voice, “First of all, it was a joke. And second of all, it’s a party, old man Horan. Loosen up.”

“I’m not—” He cuts himself off, expression visibly hardening as she effortlessly pushes his buttons.

There’s a pause as he collects his comeback and she leans in, as if to whisper a secret.

“Careful,” she simpers, narrowing her eyes, “Might give yourself an aneurysm there.”

“I don’t think you’re in a place to give off health advice, Deakins.”

She almost chokes on the smoke as she cackles at his statement, “Oh, like you are? Mr. three knee surgeries and clearly needs glasses but doesn’t wear them?”

“Just…” he says tiredly, “Shut up.”

“You shut up,” she snaps back, but without any real bite in her voice.

“I’m not the one trying to peddle an STD to poor unsuspecting bartenders.”

“Oh come on,” she drawls, “Getting chlamydia from me has been the highlight of your year.”

“I was wondering what that rash was,” Niall plays along as they grin at each other, sharp and feral, as though not realising who it is exactly they’re bantering with.

She drops the cigarette to the ground and their lips lock.

She tastes of cigarettes and sin. And her mouth is just the way he remembered, hard and warm, tongue flickering against his as he pulls her body close. It’s wet and messy and a little bit desperate the way their teeth clack together and their tongues urgently wanting more, but they stumble blindly into a storage room of some sort.

She arches up into him with a whimper when he moves his way down her neck.

He sinks blunt teeth into her sternum right where the fabric of the top crosses over on her chest and she whines at the contact. Her body already erupting in goosebumps.

“What are we doing?” He asks as he slides ad hand up her skirt between her thighs.

“I don’t know; what do you think we’re doing?” She gasps between breaths as she grinds against his fingers.

He’s not even touching her in earnest yet, just teasing, keeping her on the edge, ghosting over her skin.

“I thought you weren’t into this?”

“What, this being dick?” Aahna asks, contempt in her voice.

The disdain, obvious and unforgivingly sharp, would have bothered him if he didn’t quite enjoy feeling her body react to his touch so much.

He uses that as opportunity to slip his fingers into the thin fabric that is her underwear, using the pad of his thumb to rub gentle circles into her just the way he knows drives her crazy.

“Well, there’s this concept called bisexuality. I’m sure you’ve— fuck,” she moans throwing her head back as his fingers slide into her.

Her cheeks are flushed and bright while her eyes keep on fluttering, struggling to stay open.

The sounds escaping her throat as he continues to finger fuck her makes things so much better and so much worse at the same time. When he feels her insides clench at him and her breath shudder into his shoulder, reaching her release, he’s ready to burst.

For a moment there’s nothing but the sound of their harsh breathing, and she sighs into his neck. And then, she lifts her head and leans back against the wall, sly smirk dancing on her lips, “You know, they say once is a mistake and twice is a pattern.”

“Yeah, and what’s seven and a half?” Niall jokes weakly, his pants so tight he’s surprised there’s any blood going to his brain at all.

“Good practice,” she says as her hands slide from their spot on his back and down to the front, undoing his belt and unzipping his trousers with a certain finesse that’s getting him impossibly harder, “I mean, giving a blowjob isn’t exactly like riding a bike.”

He forgets what they’re even talking about when she gets down on her knees in the dingy little storage room.

Niall Horan to CALL TIME IS 12PM DONT FORGET: did empire just reschedule the shoot?

Niall Horan: i swear tommo, if you’re hungover and lied about the baby being sick again…

Niall Horan: guys

Harry Styles: why do u even have a twitter acct if ur never gonna use it

Niall Horan: what?

Louis Tomlinson: for once it is not my fault thank you very much

Zayn Malik: a and h are stuck with the bobbies

Niall Horan: what?!

Liam Payne: aahna saw a cyclist get hit and run-ed, she called harry after she called the ambulance, he goes over because he’s an idiot, they get recognised, twitter blows up because the interwebs think aahna and harry hit the cyclist, and now they’re giving a statement at scotyard

Louis Tomlinson: and that’s what you missed on glee

Niall Horan: the cyclist ok?

Aahna Deakins: thanks for the concern, horan

Niall Horan: and why would you stop if you weren’t the one to hit him

Aahna Deakins: it was a corner

Aahna Deakins: he could have gotten run over by other cars!

Harry Styles: didn’t you stop for a guy who got hit by a car once?

Louis Tomlinson: because he was chasing his dog?

Zayn Malik: at like 2am at night or some shit?

Niall Horan: i’m not a lone female driver nor a celebrity yet at that point

Niall Horan: and he got hit because his dog jumped out of his car and he ran after it

Aahna Deakins: wow was the dog okay?

Niall Horan: that’s beside the point

Louis Tomlinson: the owner still sends him pics every christmas

Niall Horan: THE POINT IS

Niall Horan: it could’ve been one of those staged scams where you get robbed blind

Niall Horan: or you could’ve gotten caught in a fan mob

Niall Horan: have you no sense of self preservation, deakins?

Louis Tomlinson: aww look at nialler all concerned for aahna

Harry Styles: i call that growth

Zayn Malik: look how far they’ve come

Liam Payne: 😍😍😍

Niall Horan has left the chat

Aahna Deakins to Niall Horan: we’re secretly fucking on the regular

Aahna Deakins: does that answer your self-preservation question

Niall Horan: THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING

Zayn Malik to this is your reminder to stop getting tattoos before they replace the whole cast: we’re heading over to pick ‘em up

Zayn Malik: make sure they dont get mobbed cause of harry’s fans

Liam Payne: so we can all get mobbed together apparently

Niall Horan: no

Louis Tomlinson:

As much as he loves his job, Niall is glad when things wind down. It’s mostly post-production work once all the scenes are shot and the cast get to take a little break. Not like anybody actually takes breaks; Harry and Zayn usually have promotional commitments or other projects that they jet off to, as does Ainsley, Liam almost exclusively has some West End or Broadway gig, Louis disappears into his role of on duty father and occasional boyfriend depending on the state of his on again off again relationship, and Caroline does quite a fair bit of radio.

For Niall though, it spells out a chance to settle in and recharge. Maybe get some golfing in. Playing someone on screen is like having someone in your head, and it’s exhausting. So he fulfills contractual appearances, does an interview or two, and reads scripts for movie roles he knows he won’t take because trying to purge one character out of his head is hard enough.

If he’s feeling particularly restless, he dives into a bit of writing.

He’d hit a wall with one particular piece he’s been working on a while ago and wasn’t sure where he’s going with it. But between shelving it and the hectic filming season, he thinks he might just be able to get back into the groove of it.

He’s reading through the pages when his phone buzzes violently by his side. Niall wedges the mobile between his ear and shoulder, answering on autopilot more than anything.

“Hello?” It’s Aahna’s voice, sounding like she’s calling from the middle of Glastonbury or some rave or whatever the young’uns are into nowadays.

Except her voice sounds terrible, gasping and raspy and all wrong.

He shoots upright from his former position on the couch.

“Deakins?”

“Yeah— I’m just— Hang on— I can’t deal with that right now, can you please get her from the loo so we can get out of here?”

There’s a shuffling and some shoving sounds coming from the other end, but then she’s back before he can question it or voice his worry.

“Sorry— We’re kind of next to bar fight. Anyway—”

“Did you just say bar fight?”

“Yeah, Harry’s been away for a week now and he hasn’t called to check in with Ains so we went out for some drinks where she basically whined about how she doesn’t know what they are and then Caroline thought it’d be fun to instigate a fight between these two guys who kept buying us drinks,” she rushes through the whole thing like it isn’t a big deal, “It’s a whole ordeal.”

“Yeah?” Niall says, having no idea where she’s going with the call.

The background noise seem to be getting louder and he eyes his car keys from his living room couch, wondering if he should go pick them all up before it morphs into a social media frenzy and another one of those things that the studio execs send them all emails about with exclamation marks in the headline.

“Yeah,” Aahna shouts back over the phone, “You remember that time when I told you that Harry’s new coffee maker was voice activated?”

He smiles at the memory of it, dropping the papers in his hands to his side, “Yeah, that was a fun morning. Spent fifteen minutes yelling at the damn thing before Harry asked me the hell I was doing.”

She laughs at that, “I swear you’re like a seventy year old in a twenty five year old’s body.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Niall’s finding it hard not to raise his voice to match hers at this point.

“Nothing, I was just calling to let you know that watching Caroline manipulate guys into a fisticuffs was really fun,” she shouts back, louder this time, “Almost as fun as watching technology stump you.”

Niall goes warm all over at that. He blames the chilli he wolfed down earlier that she left for him last night.

She’s stayed over at his almost every night since Harry’s been away, doing away with the cloak and dagger of sneaking in and out to avoid questions or suspicions.

It’s been surprisingly domesticated. She brings over takeout, they watch something or another on the telly, they fuck, they bicker all over his apartment that he feels her breath lingering in corners when she leaves for whatever responsibilities she has for the day, and it’s been sort of just… nice.

The intimacy of it all should feel like too much; the cuddling after sex, the falling asleep wrapped up in one another. But he can’t find it in him to to care. Not when his blood is still getting back to their path not south of his body and his sheets have yet to cool from their exertions. Besides, they’d agreed that they weren’t hurting anyone with their arrangement so there’s no point trying to fix something that isn’t broken and that’s just been that.

When he opens his door about an hour later, it’s Aahna. Leather jacket over a thin romper (ridiculous for London weather, in his humble opinion) hair all blowsy and too much leg showing.

No wonder some pricks was buying her drinks all night. But he doesn’t tell her that, obviously.  

“You need to tell Harry you’re not dead,” she pushes past him into the apartment, kicking off her shoes and hanging her jacket at the hook next to the door habitually, without him prompting her to do so she goes.

“What?”

“He’s been texting me to check up on you this whole week because none of your socials show signs of life and it’s driving me insane.”

He stares after her as she makes her way to his living room, confused. He does a few InstaStories on set here and there but those are more contractual obligations for promo than anything.

“And it’s not like I can tell him you’re fine because I’ve seen you practically everyday,” Aahna continues, “When I tried to flip the subject on him for leaving Ainsley hanging yet clearly not being dead because he’s texting me like clockwork every day, he accused me of not looking out for you, because apparently it’s a neighborly obligation to ensure that you haven’t accidentally bored yourself to death or something.”

“I don’t need looking out for,” Niall frowns.

“Good, ‘cause I’m apparently doing a shit job,” she jumps on the couch, lying flat with her feet propped on the armrest. She cocks her head looking over at him, “Although in his defence, your socials have been particularly dead and that’s not— Wait, what is this?”

She yanks out the scripted version of his story from beneath her.

“It’s nothing,” he says, as he goes to snatch it out of her hands.

“Niall James Horan, are you actually looking to expand your curriculum vitae?” Aahna cocks her eyebrow up as she leafs through the first few pages.

“Give me that.”

“Are you auditioning for a film?” She asks again, eyes skipping across the words on the pages, and ignoring his previous statement.

“No. It’s nothing,” he repeats defensively, tugging at the script, feeling nervous and oddly self-conscious about it. But Aahna has got an inexplicably strong grip and she weasels out of his grasp, script still in hand, jumping off the couch to read more of it without his limbs getting in the way.

“Where’d you get this from?”

“It’s not—”

“Niall, this is good,” she looks up at him, eyes alight, “This is really good. You should do it.”

He starts trying to explain that it isn’t a movie, just a silly thing he’s been working on and off over the years but he trails off before he can let the words out.

He can’t believe it, but the sleek, sour, and at times, inexplicably charming co-star, Aahna Deakins has, over the weeks, gradually gone from a veritable thorn by his side to somewhat of a begrudging friend. (Well, a friend who ruthlessly mocks him every available opportunity and then jump into his bed when no one is looking. That sort of friend.)

She’s just staring at him and they’re just silent, which neither of them are used to.

“It’s just a thing I’ve been fiddling with,” he finally admits, “I’ve been writing it for a couple of years, it’s not… It’s not anything.”

“I’m five pages in and I’m hooked, why aren’t you pitching this to the studio?” Aahna asks, confused.

“It’s barely a done script.”

“Then finish it,” she says, as a matter of factly.

“Sure,” he says with a shrug.

She looks at him pointedly, “I mean it. You need to show this to Sierra or something.”

“Alright.”

“You better,” she says, pushing the thick wad of paper flimsily stapled together into his chest as she turns to head to his kitchen as though it was hers. Although at this point, with all the take out and beer she’s bought over, it might as well be.

“If anything, you should do it for me,” she grabs a beer out of the fridge.

“For you, huh?” Niall sets the script down, trailing behind her into the kitchen.

“Yeah,” she knocks the beer cap off the corner of the bar counter with ease, “To impress me.”

“Trust me, I’m trying,” he says under his breath.

She cocks her head at that, and he takes the opportunity to snatch the beer from her, “Forget I said that.”

“Alright,” she says, mirroring his tone from earlier, smirk on her lips, smug and proud.

He’s moved closer to her without realising.

“You do, by the way,” she plucks the beer bottle back from his hands effortlessly.

“What?”

“Impress me.”

He says nothing for a minute, just looking at her. And she’s just looking back at him. Too much space between them. His heart, still thudding from the panic of her finding the script to begin with, slowing finally.

“Now,” she says, breaking their prolonged eye contact, “Let’s talk about getting Harry off my back about you; how do you feel about fashion shows?”

Niall Horan renamed the group can we pls stop renaming the group chat

Louis Tomlinson renamed the group horan and deakins sitting on a tree

Niall Horan: what

Louis Tomlinson: oh im sorry

Louis Tomlinson renamed the group #teamdrowningindeniall

Louis Tomlinson: better?

Niall Horan: first of all, you’re not using the hashtag right

Niall Horan: second of all, pretty sure this is cyberbullying

Louis Tomlinson: first of all what do u know about hashtags

Louis Tomlinson: second of all no is not

Louis Tomlinson: everyone saw the fashion show photos

Niall Horan renamed the group stop it or i’m calling old bill on you tommo

Louis Tomlinson renamed the group lmao old bill cant help that ur in love with aahna

Liam Payne: hahahahahahhahahahah

Harry Styles: could’ve been worse

Harry Styles: he could have started a fb couple page for u

Niall Horan: …

Louis Tomlinson: if i weren’t so happy ‘d be upset i didn’t think of that first

Zayn Malik: link us as soon as it’s up

Niall Horan: thanks, harru

Niall spends a good five minutes under the stream of the too hot shower water just staring at the tube of face wash. The body wash, her brand that leaves him smelling a little too coconut-y and a little more moisturised than he likes, swirls down the drain as he contemplates the face wash so innocently staring back at him.

It’s the exact brand he uses, one that you can’t just get out of any Boots or Tesco. No, his face wash is one that you could only get at its boutique brand outlets.

And he knows he’s overthinking it. Knows that it’s stupid to get all worked up over a simple face wash. He can’t help it though, a few weeks of under the radar shagging has left him even more unnerved than before they were working out their onset aggression.

He makes a gargantuan effort to push the thought away; the thought that Aahna went out of her way to get him his face wash to keep at her bathroom. The thought that even though filming for the season has wrapped and for all intents and reasons they wouldn’t be seeing much of each other anymore, she still got his face wash to keep at her place.

The thought that their level of intimacy now is almost on the edge of being caught. (She insisted that she needs to make Harry’s place look lived in by the time he gets back and Niall goes over to help her out with that except they just ended up fucking on the couch with some mindless cop drama playing in the background.)

He’s cleaning up in her bathroom and there it it, his face wash just sitting there in the shower. Like it’s been there waiting for him all this time.

Niall shuts off the water and steps out of the shower, face wash be damned. But when he walks out to the living room, she’s just lounging on the couch, scrolling through the Netflix queue in the ratty t’ shirt he was wearing earlier and his heart swells with some kind of feeling he hates to admit.

She settles on some documentary on greek mythology and he wonders for a moment if she is Persephone; an abstract idea he dreamed up and kidnapped, now kept captive in his mind.

(And he knows right then, that he is completely and utterly fucked.)

[valeriemperez]

That’s exactly what I thought. Do you know anyone who works 12+ hours a day and then drives home in the dark, only to get up a few hours later? That’s how KJ apa got into that accident. And the crew DEFINITELY should be driven home, they get just as little sleep! Hollywood treats its people like crap.

No argument from me!

Fun fact: Tom Welling dealt with a similar driver situation on Smallville. Shows don’t usually provide drivers to the actors bc of some SAG union thing where if 1 gets a driver then ALL of the main cast members must be provided one. So the rest of the Smallville cast relinquished their rights to a driver so that Tom could have one & it’s likely the Flash cast did the same for Grant.

Aww, that’s really sweet of the cast. And it is hard on the actors (and crew).

What do u think of this caity’s situation? personally i think she was joking but she shouldn’t have said it but i still like her just like ppl still like grant/keiy after they said some problematic things in the past ppl need to learn to not hold celebs to such high standards.

I definitely don’t think she should have used the slur when she’s not part of the community and has no idea who might be upset by its use or not. It may be something she says in her private life, joking with Maisie or other LGBT friends who are fine with it, but that doesn’t translate on a public platform like this. 

I hope she apologizes, but I think it’s up to the individual fan to decide how they feel about it. You can still like and support her, or you can withdraw said support.

Oh yay! thank you for your response about the Magicians :) I look forward to the podcast :)

Hope you like it!

@eboniangelvibez said:

I’m glad to see that I wasn’t the only one that wasn’t blown away by The Magicians finale. It’s a great show. I loved the season overall, but I found the finale somewhat underwhelming. I’m curious to see what S4 brings.

I’m very curious as well. Also crossing my fingers we get our Penny back.

Does anyone else get a bit jealous when they see SA & EBR at a con doing a panel together & photo op together and wishing that GG & CP would do the same. I mean four seasons & not even a photo shoot, WHY?

I know plenty of people are jealous, but I’m not one of them. Yes, it would be nice if Candice and Grant did more cons together and took pics together with fans etc. But I will happily take my consolation prize of them giving it their all in their scenes, which are written in such a way that you know the show believes in them.

You’ve pointed out specifically why I’m uneasy sometimes about liking Caitlin still. I still like her and KF but DP as a person? Not a fan. It’s the whole thing of separating the person from the art I guess.

Yeah, I get you. It’s hard to decide what to do sometimes. You don’t really need to feel guilty, though, it’s not like you’re actively supporting her by not disliking her character.

now that AJK has left, is there any chance that DP will follow him? she never auditioned and he hired her as a personal favour. KF/CS isn’t part of TF canon & before DP cashed in on her White-Affirmative Action, the role was supposed to go to an older woman who would be an ally of Wellsboard. What do you think? Exit Killer Frost?

I do not think AJK was the sole thread keeping DP on the show, and I’m sure the writers as a whole are attached to her as a person regardless of their lack of passion for her character. So if she goes, I think it’ll be her decision, and given how cheery she always is about the show there’s no way to gauge if she’s planning her exit. 

To those wondering, no. DP didn’t audition to be CS. AJK admitted this as he said he had to let go of an actress that was the “perfect” CS for DP. SV also didn’t audition to be Patty. CP was the only one that auditioned to be Iris West-Allen.

I actually had to re-listen to the interview Kevin did with him to verify this, because I thought something might have been accidentally taken out of context. AJK said, “She came in to read, and I was like ‘I don’t really see Danielle as Caitlin… [Originally] a Maria Bello type… tsk tsk relationship with Cisco… possibly even a love interest for Wells.” But they changed the character to have Danielle. Granted, AJK and Greg both knew her from Eli Stone, which they worked on together, so that’s probably why they wanted to change the role for her. But she did audition first.

BTW, immediately after that, AJK compared seeing Danielle in her KF outfit to “seeing your sister dressed slutty for Halloween.” How did he get away with being so gross for so long?   

I have a theory on why candice unfollowed danielle: what if dp is getting paid more than cp even tho cp is 2nd billed and cp approached her about changing this so they can earn the same amount (since we know how cp feels about that) but dp said no and that’s why when cp spoke about her friendship with caity it made it seem like dp didn’t have her back at work unlike the other cw ladies. thoughts?

We don’t know how much either of them makes, but it is possible. I definitely expect that it had something to do with not feeling supported on set by her costar.

Not to drag this out, lol, but I disagree that DP didn’t know what she was doing. Back before the show even aired, she liked a tweet from SB fan claiming that the fandom already liked Caitlin for Barry better than Iris. I wish I could send screenshots via anon, but the tweet was explicitly pitting Iris and Caitlin against each other. Since she was liking stuff like that from the beginning, I don’t buy that she genuinely didn’t know what she was contributing to.

I remember that tweet, but that’s generic love triangle stuff and she obviously wanted a love triangle. She was probably hoping she’d take off like EBR did, but at that time she didn’t necessarily know EBR’s take-off would lead to KC (who is her friend) being killed off lol. And what I actually meant was she may not have realized at the time that the reason she even had a shot was racism lol. But I agree with you for sure that she was trying to hype up a ship that didn’t exist in the hopes that it would leverage her a better role.

[winetae]

⇾  city of stars | 01

⇁ female reader x yoongi ; female reader x taehyung

⇁ drama, slight angst || hollywood!au, actor!bts, enemies to lovers

⇁ 5.1k

. . .

When your childhood sweetheart packs his bags to pursue his dreams in the big city, the two of you promise to meet again once you’ve both become successful. Years later, you find yourself running to and fro auditions, desperately trying to make ends meet, while his face is plastered on every giant sized billboard in town.

↳  or; no one ever said the road to success was easy

a/n;  OR a new short series literally no one asked for

+ inspired by the movie la la land (2016) and the anime skip beat (2002) “mama didn’t raise no weak hoe, you gonna push it” – sassi’s words of wisdom and also the reason i finally finished this;; ily !!!! this is for u

.

.

A beginning and an end—these moments bookend all your shelved romances.

Although the denouement may often vary—tears, a broken picture frame, a kiss—the origin story remains, for the most part, the same. But contrary to any of your previous encounters, Min Yoongi disrupts the familiar formula of exchanged hellos and awkward pleasantries.

Maybe it starts like this:

an ugly brown stain on your new white blouse, one iced caramel macchiato wasted.

In the movies, the guy offers his number and a free lunch to make up for his clumsiness, or gives up his hoodie to cover his mistake. The lead finds his efforts to earn forgiveness endearing, and soon enough, one date becomes two, two eventually turns to six. Somewhere along the way—between date number nine and eleven—he musters the courage to profess his love with a kiss, under the sleek blanket of a starry sky.

But this is not the movies, you are reminded, as the cold beverage clings to your skin and shirt unpleasantly.

“Motherfucker!”

It is not the most eloquent start, either.

You hope the sheer force of your glare has the power to pull an apology from his lips, but he stays still—completely indifferent to your plight.

“You should pay attention to your surroundings,” he drawls, unmoved.

Your immediate reaction is to scowl, brow creasing with indignation. If this had been any other day, you would have attempted to laugh it off because you’re no stranger to accidents. But today is D-Day: the start of pilot season and also your chance at finally landing a substantial role, something with more visibility and depth than the cheerleader #3 background character you’ve always been relegated to in the past. Today is supposed to be your ticket to stardom—the prized opportunity for your talent to finally bloom on center stage. 

But one glance down at your worn-in wristwatch and panic grips you, dousing you in a sheen of cold sweat, much more unbearable than the spray of caffeine that’s still dripping down your shirt. 

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this blunder will affect the rest of your day. You have two casting calls to attend from noon to four and there is absolutely no way you have any time to grab a change of clothes, especially if you factor in the perpetual traffic that clogs up the city streets. Your stress level is already at an all time high, nerves taut; the stain does nothing but add on to the overwhelming queasy feeling that swells in your gut like a balloon ready to burst. How are you supposed to impress the casting directors when you look like a slob? You can already imagine the offended expressions judging you before you even have time to open your mouth and deliver your well prepared monologue. A sense of utter failure stabs you in the chest and the high hopes you had for the day come crashing down in an instant.

You’re well aware at how much your future depends on how well you do today and the thought that one stranger and a cup of coffee could compromise this opportunity is enough to frustrate you to the point of tears. Maybe if your life was a romantic comedy, the scene unfolding in front of you would take a turn for the better. In such a clichéd scenario, you would expect the heroine to experience the Love at First Sight story archetype and throw away her dreams to chase after her soulmate. 

But Min Yoongi is not your knight in shining armor. On the contrary, he is the furthest thing from the Humphrey Bogarts and the Cary Grants that grace the silver screens with their imposing presence and charming smiles. Instead of igniting your insides with desire, the mere sight of him and his lazy smirk makes your blood boil in anger. If you weren’t so attached to your daily dose of caffeine, you would have made sure to drench him in your gluten free pumpkin spice latte. 

“Aren’t you going to apologize?” you snap, gesturing at the stain bleeding through the thin fabric of your shirt like a physical wound. 

“Aren’t you? The coffee around this part of town is more expensive than a pack of cigarettes, y’know.” His derisive tone infuriates you further; it takes a herculean effort to not shove his empty cup of coffee up his ass. 

Neither of you budge. 

He stares you down and, had you been a lesser woman, you would have caved under the intensity of his glare. Maybe even cried a little. Still, you hold your ground, refusing to let yourself be intimidated by his scowl.

“You realize you owe me a coffee, sweetheart.”

If anyone else had delivered the line, you would have thought it to be a poor attempt at flirting. However, he utters the phrase with so much contempt, you almost reel back, struck down by the look he pairs with it. 

“What?!” 

In retrospect, you should have been more mindful of your surroundings but your mind had been occupied, too focused on revising lines that you already knew by heart. You’re aware the blame can’t be entirely shifted onto you, not when he had been so brusque in his movements, and distantly it registers that you’re both getting heated over nothing. Be the bigger person and let it go, your conscious urges you.

Pursing your lips into a grimace, you adamantly refuse to compromise. The only way your day can go from bad to worse, is if you let a short man with a mean looking face push you around like his plaything. Your aversion is justified, you argue internally.

“I have an audition,” you insist, tone clipped, waving around your script, penned and colored in pink highlighter, as if to prove your point. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Well aren’t you special.” The man sneers, eyes narrowing into slits. “We all have places to be, princess.”

“An apology would be nice,” you grit out, still refusing to back down. The use of pet-names by this stranger only irritates your further, itching at your skin like a insect bite you’re unable to soothe over. “But you’re so uncouth, I won’t waste my breath asking for one.”

“Ouch.” His lips curl into a mocking smirk, “well, maybe if you ask nicely, I’ll give the princess what she wants…” 

You want to deck him. But your already limited time is running short, and another peek at the clock makes your fingers twitch around the cup of your drink, contents sloshing around, threatening to spill. 

First impressions easily make or break a career. First impressions can also ruin relationships before they have the chance to begin. 

Any other day, at any other time, you might have admired the slight glow of his peachy skin, or taken the time to appreciate how the lilt in his speech reminds you of home. 

Instead, you flip him the bird and slide your sunglasses up the bridge of your nose so as to signal the end of the conversation. You feel extremely childish, like the star of a young adult drama series, but that doesn’t stop satisfaction from settling onto your features, only partly hidden by your knock-off Gucci shades. But your pleasure is short-lived; his disgruntled expression stays imprinted in your mind long after your argument ends, to your biggest dismay.

.

.

It’s funny how a mere stranger is able to single-handedly ruin your day.

Something heavy and uncomfortable sits in your chest, like a ball of lead, and your script trembles in your hand.

You’ve barely made it to your first audition, copies of your resumé neatly tucked under your arm and script clenched tight in your fist, but the memory of the morning’s incident makes it impossible to concentrate on your forthcoming task. This, of course, only infuriates you further, because the last thing you need is for that asshole to distract you from the opportunity you’ve been waiting for. You inhale slowly, counting eight beats before exhaling, trying your best to clear your mind and focus on your day’s objective. 

6… 7… 8

You repeat the process until your clenched muscles slowly relax and your breathing evens out. 

The role you’re auditioning for is a secondary character in a new TV series, set to debut in the fall on one of the main public channels. The scriptwriter has won half a dozen Emmys in the span of their short career, and from what you’ve been able to read of the script so far, the ratings will probably do well. There’s a good balance between the drama and the romance and to top it off, the dialogue is witty and gives you enough material to work with. For weeks, you’ve been preparing your role, even going as far as to memorize the other characters’ lines just in case they ask you to read for someone else at the audition. 

Up until yesterday you were still buzzing with excitement, confident that this job was the one that would finally jumpstart your career. But now, your thoughts are flooded with incessant “what if’s…” that are slowly poisoning your morale. You can already picture yourself announcing to your parents that once again, you didn’t get the part you were pining for… 

You hold in a sigh, not looking forward to that phone call. It’s hard to snuff out the smidgen of shame that grows with a pang in your chest whenever you speak to your parents over the phone. You know they patiently await news of your success, so you can’t help but feel like you’ve let them down when their inquiries are met with silence on your end. “The road to success is paved with sacrifices and failure,” your father reminds you often, as if sensing the heaviness that weighs down on your shoulders. 

When asked if you have adjusted to the bustling city life, you will always answer in the affirmative. Although the reply is mostly meant to reassure your concerned parents, separated from you by miles upon miles, you can’t help but believe the words you reiterate every weekend over the phone. After all, you’ve been here long enough for the sun to dust your skin gold, freckles blooming on your exposed shoulders. You’ve long since memorized the street names and adjusted your schedule to take into account the constant traffic jams caused by the heavy congestion. 

But it’s during times like these, when you’re sandwiched in an elevator with seven other girls your age, all with highlighted hair, professionally blow-dried to glossy perfection, that you realize how out of place you really are. You hug your handbag to your chest in an poor attempt at concealing the obvious brown splatter down your front. From the corner of your eye, you see someone raising their eyebrows in disdain, their expression visible in the elevator wall’s reflection.

She coughs, the sound catching everyone else’s attention. 

“You’re auditioning dressed like that?” her voice drips with faux sympathy and immediately embarrassment colors your cheeks. 

Remarks like this are to be expected, you suppose, but that doesn’t mean you’re insensitive to the comment. 

But before you have time to formulate a retort, a musical chime alerts you that you’ve arrived at the audition scene. Everyone files out and you shuffle after the rest, handbag still clutched to your chest like a physical shield. 

You’re told that the auditions will be one-on-one and that your name will be called up when the casting directors are ready. Sitting down in the waiting room only ramps up the angst that threatens to swallow you whole. 

The clock ticks by slowly, every measure of time filled with mounting dread. What if you blank out and forget your lines? You run through every possible worst case scenario, despite trying to distract yourself by playing piano tiles on your phone. It obviously doesn’t work and you’re just about to turn off your phone in a fit of frustration, when it buzzes in your hand, alerting you of an incoming message.

A smile pulls at your lips when you realize your best friend, Tina, had sent you a text to cheer you on. You can almost hear her voice as you read out the text, her accent bleeding through the words that light up your screen.

tina [01:23 pm] Smile like fucking Julia Roberts even if they shit on you. If they see you sweat, it means they win, k? 

tina [01:23 pm] You got this, bitch :)

Somehow the aggressive motivation encourages you more than any bouquet of expensive white lilies you could have received. She knows how much today means to you and how much you’re worked up over it. You tell each other everything, so she’s well aware that the desire for this job isn’t solely for monetary reasons. 

Your dream of being an actress constantly surprises people when you tell them. The word actress evokes images of glamorous movie stars and fearless individuals who aren’t afraid to push their limits in order to create art. Your far from fearless. In fact, it’s taken years before you finally gathered your courage and left behind your family to pursue your dreams. 

It’s not easy to lend your body over to your character, but it’s something you study relentlessly—pen stuck between your teeth to practice your elocution, spending your hard earned money to attend acting workshops on the weekends after your shifts end. You devote yourself to the craft, studying everything from   Lee Strasberg’s method acting to the Chekhov acting technique. But all of it never seems like it’s enough. It feels like you’re stuck in a swamp, and no matter how much effort you put in, it’ll never be enough to move forward. 

Suddenly, your name is called and you jump to your feet, adrenaline making your spine stand straight. You’re quickly ushered into the small room where the casting director and his assistant sit, hands clasped on the wooden table in front of them. Piles of papers are scattered in front of them, and you can spot headshots and crossed out names on a list.

At once, you can feel their serious gazes settle on the coffee stain that adorns the front of your shirt. You ignore the slight raise of their eyebrows and instead shoot them your best smile, the one you’ve long since perfected in front of the mirror in your room. 

You present yourself, words tumbling out through your strained smile. 

As you start to relax, muscles in your neck loosening, it’s easier to slip back into the role you had worked hard to perfect. Everything from your posture to the tone of your voice changes, and it’s as if you morph into an entirely new person. 

At least, that’s what you let yourself think. You’re so into the part you don’t notice they’ve signaled for you to finish prematurely.

“Very well.” A hand comes up in the air à la Simon Cowell, effectively putting a stop to your dramatic speech. You resist the urge to check if he has protruding nipples to match.

You halt mid-sentence, mouth slightly parted, the rest of your prepared phrase stuck in your throat. Aware that you must look like a poor imitation of a goldfish, your jaw closes shut with an audible snap. You glance at his name place card, squinting at the small embossed lettering, before he commands your attention with a cough. 

“So, tell me,” Neil continues, crossing his arms and leaning forward to stare you straight in the eyes. “What do you think love is?”

“What love is?” you parrot back, trying to mask your confusion. Is this a trick question of some kind? You fail to understand what answer he expects of you, so instead of answering verbally, you shift around on your feet. It’s hard to think properly when your entire career is on the line; one wrong answer and you can say goodbye to the role you prepared so much for.

“Yes. What is love to you?” He flips through your meager résumé, nodding in what could be either acknowledgement or dismal.

Sweat beads at your hairline while your entire body freezes up. What does he mean by “you”? You wonder if he expects you to answer in character or not… What would your character answer? According to the script, she’s a little airheaded, with no other purpose than comic relief. 

“Love is…” you trail off, suddenly overcome with a memory you believed to be buried in the recesses of your mind. The words trigger something within you, and for a second you falter, the rest of the room becoming but a faint buzz of static in your ears.

“I have loved you.” 

His words settle into your lungs like a cloud of smoke, making it difficult to breathe. You’re not sure what hurts the most—his apologetic expression or the way he delivers his confession with the utmost sincerity. The use of the past tense only finalizes the blow; the skin of your lips almost bleed from the force of your bite.

“Do you not anymore?” you croak, voice catching in your throat.

You hate crying in front of him. Years ago, whenever you scraped your knees after falling from your bike, you had always refused to shed any tears in his presence. It all flashes through your mind right then like a film stuck on loop— the packs of band-aids you carefully wrap around his blisters and the way his calloused fingers strum your exposed skin like his guitar in gratitude.

“Of course I do.” For the first time since your argument, he loses his composure, the harsh creases between his furrowed brows giving away how much the goodbye is affecting him.

A warm palm encloses your own and with a nudge at your chin, he forces you to meet his own gaze.

You wish he would release you from his hold—only because it would be easier to conceal the trembling in your jaw. He must feel the minute movements beneath the pads of his fingers; for a split second his mask falls, features stricken with grief.

“I’ll always love you,” he finally admits, the quiet confession ringing loudly in your ears.

The sentence echoes in the silence of the room, seemingly amplified by the memories of all the previous times he had whispered the same words, intertwined with soft kisses and familiar caresses. There’s nothing comforting about the admission now—not when it veils the finality of a goodbye.

“But?” you ask tentatively, readying yourself for another blow.

Your reaction, for some reason, seems to anger him, because his expression stiffens—muscles on his face crisping up, wall falling back into place. It’s always been difficult to read him when he closes himself off from you, but it never stops you from trying. You search his features, hoping to find some kind of sign that would clue you in.

“Please don’t make this harder than it is. I thought you, out of everyone in this godforsaken town, would understand me.” You blink, eyelashes damp with unshed tears.

“There’s nothing for me here,” he continues, softer now, glassy eyes not noticing the way you flinch at his words. “If I stay, I’ll never get anywhere. They say there’s more for me out there in the big city. And I know— I know it’s crazy and the competition is tough, but—”

There’s a pause as he gathers breath, your face still cradled in the warmth of his palm. From where you’re standing you can spot the beauty marks and scars that are sprinkled over his skin like tiny constellations. You think back to the time he was twelve and had nicked the skin right above his eyebrow during one of his baseball games. It all seems like a lifetime ago—before puberty had filled his gangling body with hard muscle—but you can still recall with vivid clarity the front he had tried to put up, his brow furrowed and jaw clenched. Much like now, you think.

“But I’ll never know if I don’t at least give it a try. I’ll regret it if I stay cooped up here, wondering every day why I didn’t swallow down my fear and pack my shit up. I know I’ll be miserable if I give up on my dream. You know that, right? It’s the only thing I have going for me. I’m not like you—I suck ass at math and science. I don’t have a future here so I’m going to where I actually have a chance.”

And maybe now is not the time, but it’s impossible to stop the envy from coursing through your veins. How lucky it must be to know what you’re good at and what you want, to be brave enough to leave everything you’ve known behind because you have something to chase after. Unlike him, you’re stuck at a standstill, with nowhere to run forward to and now the only thing grounding you home—gone.

“I have to leave, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you’re right.”

The last thing you want to hear from his lips is an apology. It’s a painful reminder that there’s a world outside the bubble you’ve built for yourself, that everything around you is changing and you’re the only one stuck in place, unmoving.

In the end, you opt for honesty.

“Love is a promise. It’s waiting for the right person, no matter how long it takes.” Your voice is resolute, even as you twiddle with a ring on your index finger nervously.

“Ah, I see… I don’t suppose you believe in love at first sight? Or soulmates?”

You run your tongue against the inside of your cheek, still unsure what sort of answer they’re looking for. It feels like a test but Neil’s voice and expression give nothing away. Either way, you must have taken too long to answer because he clears his throat and rearranges the papers on the table in front of him, his assistant writing something in red ink across your résumé.

“That’ll be enough, then. Thank you for your time.” 

Maybe today just isn’t your day, you think grimly, gathering your things. The ring that sits on your finger catches the overhead light, shine momentarily blinding you. When will you be able to fulfill your end of the promise? Perhaps childhood promises are meant to stay in the past. You’re not sure why you stubbornly hold onto such words, anyway. 

.

.

The fight that usually lights up within you deflates. Most days, you’re optimistic, but today for some reason, things just haven’t gone your way. Ever since the damned coffee cup this morning, things have only been going downhill. Of course, it’s not fair to blame everything on what was evidently an accident, but it’s easier that way.

“On a scale from one to ten, how bad did it go?” Tina asks, pouring you a generous shot of vodka. Since you don’t own any shot glasses, you have to pry the bottle out of her hand because any more and you would think she wants you dead. “One being they occasionally zoned out during your monologue…”

She scratches her chin, trying to recall the worst audition story. “Ten being told you’re too ugly to read for the part. Although I have heard some disturbing ass stories that are definitely a fifteen or higher. You know Drew Barrymore? Heard she was asked to give herself the finger during an audition.”

“What?” you splutter, frown marring your features.

“Dunno, it was supposed to be a sexy scene but there was no one to read with her, so she had to act it out herself. Pretty w-weird. So she sucked her own finger while she acted out the blowjob. Or maybe I’m not remembering this correctly?” Her words are slightly slurred together, shoulders raising up into a shrug.

“Um,” you choke out, after knocking back your drink in one gulp. “Okay, well, it didn’t get weird. I thought it was going well but he cut me off before I finished and then asked me questions. I guess I kind of blanked out? I didn’t know what to say, so he must have ended up thinking I’m too daft.”

“Isn’t your character supposed to be a little empty up there?” she points at her head, one manicured finger only slightly missing her eyeball.

You’re not sure she notices the look you shoot her way, but if she does, she promptly ignores it in favor of reaching for the vodka bottle.

“Slow down or you’ll puke all over the carpet. Do you really want to add to our stain collection?” 

She huffs, pouting pathetically up at you.

“Spoilsport. Fine, let’s get drunk at a bar instead.” You’re convinced pretty easily because anything seems like a better alternative to spending the night cleaning up your friend’s vomit. 

You almost regret your decision because grungy bars aren’t your thing. Empty plastic cups litter the ground and faded graffiti paints the walls in squiggly streaks, and, yeah—grungy bars are definitely not your type of scene.

It’s nearing the one o’clock mark and you repress the urge to (kindly) throttle Tina and her group of friends who have dragged you along with them. Instead of sitting on your couch re-watching one of your favorite movies, you find yourself squirming your way through a crowd of sweaty bodies, balancing four cups in your hands and doing your best to prevent the cheap beer from spilling.

An elbow juts out, bony angle jabbing your side, and some of the froth overflows in splatters, coating your fingers in its stickiness. You mutter out a curse that gets lost, drowned out by an off-key acappella rendition of a Britney anthem, while you’re left to salvage the damage. There is a pause for breath onstage, and someone yells “Take the mic away from him!” in the background. Suddenly, it is chaos. Everyone howls out their own two-cents and the performer onstage redoubles his efforts in his attempts to drown out the noise with his song. 

For a reason you can’t quite understand, this place seems to be a hot spot for all the young, neighborhood artists; you spot a pair of guys in matching hoodies from the local film university at the bar, trying to pitch their idea to anyone drunk or interested enough to listen.

The cause of its unexpected success seems to be the open mic night event that is hosted once every week. Apparently, talent scouts are known to scour this area from time to time, and the promise of a success story attracts all the young and struggling artists, desperate to make it big. One of your friends has been raving about it for a little over a month, and even you’ve been curious as to see what it looks like. Your expectations fall short, but you won’t let that deter you from having fun. 

Well, fun isn’t easily found.

Tonight happens to be open mic night, which means you’ve already had to sit through half an hour of drunken poetry. You’re all for the creation of art through self-expression, but, well…. The intoxicated ramblings are amusing at best (the highlight so far being a short skit involving a plastic hammer and a beach ball) but the night’s entertainment is as gripping as a B-rate movie.

You let out a plaintive sigh, swirling the ice cubes in your cup with your straw, zoning out yet again when the next participant shuffles onto the small makeshift stage. You ready yourself for another five minutes of nonsensical babble, but instead you do a double-take as your gaze falls upon the man adjusting the mic stand, his shaggy hair partly obscuring his face from view.

Instinctively, your blood runs hot—something ugly rears its head as soon as you recognize the same face you’ve been cursing since your failed audition.

You gnaw your straw, working your jaw until it becomes just another useless piece of plastic.  

Although you’re not yet familiar with his name, you can’t forget the ugly lines of his face and the cold, dead look in his eyes. You don’t know why you thought he looked slightly attractive this morning because looking at him now only makes your lip curl in disgust. Why is his skin glowing? You’re convinced he must have dabbled glitter over his body to achieve such an effect. Who does he think he is, anyway? Kesha? Edward the vampire?

A nameless stranger—that is all he is to you at this point. And yet somehow he is also more than that.

Hate is a strong word. But as your attention focuses solely on his face, highlighted by the harsh glare of a spotlight, something within you boils to a tipping point.

A hush falls over the packed room as he clears his throat into the mic. Something about the sound bounces off the walls, makes several heads turn, snapping them out of their drunken stupor. As much as you want to tear your gaze from his figure, something about his presence on stage commands your attention. Unbeknownst to you, your breath is caught in your throat—anticipating his performance.

When he finally speaks, you can’t keep the astonished expression off your face. You’re not sure what you expect from him—maybe a dispassionate monologue on the benefits of caffeine or perhaps intoxicated words slurred together—but not this.

Impassioned dialogue falls from his lips, his face scrunched up. Words become bullets he fires into the crowd, his tongue twisting each of them with precision. You don’t know much about rap—only the try-hard images you see on television—but this is nowhere close to that. He quickly creates a story, raw emotion building with each stride he takes across the stage, and you’re unwillingly sucked into it. 

“There!” Tina nudges, voice somehow catching your attention. You fight hard to detach your gaze from the stage. It takes a moment to orient yourself, still reeling from the performance that’s still going on, but your stare finally falls on the man your friend is pointing at, huddled in one of the corners of the room, nursing a half empty cup of amber liquid. 

“That’s him! The guy from The Agency. He’s the one who comes here sometimes. I swear he was sleeping earlier but look! Whoa, this guy must be good to have gotten his atten—”

You tune her out, the anger that had simmered down now back in full force. Your day has officially gone to shit if the same guy from this morning is now being recruited by one of the best agencies in the world. Nope, this can’t be happening—you refuse to accept this as your reality. The many shots of alcohol blur your better judgement and you lick your lips in preparation for fucking war. 

Slamming your cup down on the table with more fervor than needed, you rise to your feet, a single thought coursing through your mind. 

Over my dead body, asshat. 

[kasumi-chou]

Mariinsky

“What are you pouting about now?”

Victor jolted in surprise at the sudden voice behind him, quickly glancing over his shoulder to see Lilia Baranovskaya staring down at him.

“Tetka Lilia!” Yuri gasped beside him, immediately jumping to his feet and hurrying towards the woman. A smile broke onto the woman’s face as she bent down to greet the six-year-old, almost cooing at the boy as she greeted him and gently pushed some of his hair out of his face.

“Vicchan is upset because papa said that we can’t leave for our holiday until next week,” Yuri informed Lilia, smiling brightly at the woman.

“Holiday?” Lilia enquired, turning her gaze towards him – it was rather unfair how gentle and soft she was with Yuri and how mean and intimidating she was with everyone else.

“We are going to Japan,” he informed her with a forced smile.

“We are going to see Baba and Jiji,” Yuri announced while gently pulling on Lilia’s coat to gain her attention. Lilia glanced towards him again, clearly not understanding Yuri words.

“Yuuri’s parents,” he explained, earning a nod of understanding from the former prima-ballerina.

“I see, are you excited?” Lilia asked Yuri, earning a wild nod from the boy.

“Are you done for the day, Vitya?” Lilia questioned, causing him to freeze in surprise. It had been years since Lilia had called him that.

“Y-yeah,” he stammered, quickly finishing putting away his skates and slipping his runners on.

“Would you like a lift to the studio?” Lilia questioned, flashing another smile towards Yuri.

“Studio?” he questioned, confused as what she meant.

“The dance studio! Where papa is!” Yuri informed him, hurrying over to him and tugging on his shirt. He smiled at the boy, nodding his head in understanding.

“Should we go surprise your papa and pick him up from work?” he asked the boy, who nodded his head excitedly.

“Yes!” Yuri cheered, hurrying over to grab a hold of Lilia’s hand.

He quickly packed up all his things before collecting both his bag and Yuri’s school bag before following after Lilia and his little angel as they made their way outside and towards the older woman’s car.

It would be nice to walk home with Yuuri for once, they were running behind schedule anyway.

Victor followed after Lilia as they made their way through the studio – how Lilia could call this only a studio was beyond him, it was a whole school.

“If I remember correctly, Yuuri should be,” Lilia said quietly before trailing off as she paused in front of a door. She glanced towards him to make sure he had kept up before opening it. He perking up from around Lilia to glance into the room.

His body froze as he caught sight of his gorgeous boyfriend catch a ballerina in mid-air, lifting her above his head before placing her back down on the ground without a moment of hesitation or trouble.

He moved with the woman perfectly, never getting in the way but managing to always be where he was needed. Ready to catch her when she jumped or grabbing her when she leant too far in one direction.

“Stop!” a voice in the centre of the room demanded, causing the pair to come to a halt. Minako suddenly appeared in front of them, an annoyed look on her face. He watched as Minako scolded the woman, mentioning things like her posture and her inability to flow with Yuuri like she was meant too.

“It is such a shame he limits himself so much,” Lilia sighed softly.

“What?” he questioned in surprise, glancing up at Lilia. The former prima-ballerina glanced towards him, seeming to frown at the confused look on his face.

“He refuses to accept any parts that involve traveling, which really limits him. He is one of our better dancers, but he limits himself to beginner performances,” Lilia explained before dropping her gaze down to Yuri, who stared into the room with large eyes.

Oh, was the first thing that went through his head. Yuuri was holding himself back to be with his son, limiting his fame for Yuri.

He glanced back into the room where Yuuri was once again dancing with the woman, gliding across the floor as the woman tried to keep up.

“Lilia,” he said softly, “Can you let me know next time he gets an offer?”

“Pardon?” Lilia questioned, glancing towards him curiously.

“Tell me next time he gets an offer. I’ll try and convince him,” he declared. They stared at each other for a moment before she nodded her head.

“In a few months, we will be auditioning for roles for a Russian tour. Minako normally convinces him to audition, but he always fails to commit to the roles offered to him,” Lilia stated while glancing back into the room. He hummed as he glanced back into the room, only to notice Minako staring at them with a raised eyebrow. He flashed the elder Japanese woman a smile, which she rolled her eyes at. The music came to a stop and Minako announced a water break, which seemed to break everyone out of the trance they were in because they suddenly became the centre of attention.

The large group of ballerinas – and five danseurs, including Yuuri – glanced between Lilia, Yuri and himself curiously. He watched Yuuri carefully as he quickly collected his water bottle before finally looking towards them to see what the fuss was about.

He couldn’t help but grin as Yuuri froze in surprise, staring at him with wide eyes for a moment before his eyes flickered down to Yuri, who was waving excitedly towards Minako.

“Your ballerinas need more work, Minako,” Lilia declared, earning a nod of agreement from the Japanese woman as she waved back to the child.

“That they do,” Minako sighed before waving them out of the room, claiming that they were distracting her dancers. He sent Yuuri a wave and a wink before following after Lilia as she began leading them away from the room.

“Papa!” Yuri called out, bouncing up and down as Yuuri walked towards them. Yuuri was dressed in more casual clothes, clearly finished for the day.

“Yurochka,” Yuuri cooed, scooping the boy up into his arms once he was in reach, “What are you doing here?”

“Tetka Lilia said we could pick up! So, so, so we can walk home together!” Yuri said while happily hugging his father back.

“We finished a little late,” he explained with a small laugh.

“Dyadya Yakov said that Vicchan’s jumps were really bad today,” Yuri whispered to his father, or whispered as best as a six-year-old could. He pouted as his two Yu(u)ri’s glanced towards him with cheeky smiles.

“Feeling a bit old, Vitya?” Yuuri teased, causing him to fake a gasp.

“I am not old,” he declared, causing his two Yu(u)ri’s to giggle at him. He smiled as he stood up, collecting the discarded bags at his side before turning to the two people he loved most – he really needed to shower Makkachin in more love when they got home and apologise for replacing her.

“Ready to go?” he asked while moving over to take Yuuri’s bag from him too.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Yuuri said, quickly leaning up to press a kiss against his cheek before leading the way out of the labyrinth that was the Mariinsky Theatre.

“That was the first time I had seen you dance,” he commented, causing Yuuri to suddenly pause and glance towards him.

“We have danced before,” Yuuri said, eyes scrunched together in confusion.

“First time I’ve seen you dance ballet,” he corrected. Yuuri stared at him for a long moment before his cheeks turned a gorgeous shade of red.

“And it was a practice of all things. I’ll need to invite you to my next proper show,” Yuuri stated simply while starting to walk again.

“What? Really?” he gasped in delight.

“I’ll go too, right, papa?” Yuri asked, clearly just as excited as he was at the chance of seeing Yuuri properly preform.

“Of course,” Yuuri said, smiling at the boy he was holding in his arms, “You’ll both come and support me, right?”

“Of course,” he declared at the same time as their little angel nodded his head.

Like he would reject the glance to see his gorgeous boyfriend preform.

Skater Next Door AU

AO3 Skater Next Door

[aegyotrashcan]

Free Time | Tiffany Fluff

Anon: can u do an snsd scenario where youre a model under sm and they want to date you but your schedule is too busy, but they're persistent and they keep trying do be with you and you date them in the end. could this be with either tiffany, sooyoung, or yuri please

a/n: I’ve been having Tiffany feels lately so I picked her hehe. And I hope you enjoy this ~

Tiffany is told every day that she’s beautiful, so much so that the words have lost their meaning. She’s learned to smile politely, to act modest as interviewers, management, staff and even her group mates compliment her looks. Of course, compliments are always flattering, no matter how many times you hear them, but they do loose their power. Her heart no longer stutters at those words and instead she finds herself thinking ‘I may be beautiful but not as beautiful as Y/N.’

Trends come and go. Keeping up with the latest fashion fads and most shocking celeb gossip is difficult and mostly impossible. Although you don’t try to be trendy, although you don’t try to stand out; you do. There’s a quirkiness to your beauty that draws people in, that made SM accept your application to model for them, and that makes people want to plant your face on the first page of every magazine.

Offers came in constantly, your manager having to squeeze your different appointments into the few hours available in a day. With an ice cream advertisement filmed at seven am this morning, you were immediately hurried into a car and driven to your next schedule.

As you sat in the dressing room, getting your hair tugged at and your makeup touched up, your manager reads the script to you.

“Alright, Y/N, I know you’re tired but this is very important. It’s your first modelling shoot with a fellow SM entertainer and not just any entertainer but a member of Girls Generation. You’ve worked with Vogue Korea before so I’m sure you’ll be familiar with the photographers directions, as he’s praised you in the past.” He continued on, explaining the photographers idea for the shoot and the direction he hopes to take the shoot in.

You sip at your coffee, nodding and pretending to listen. Honestly, you were hungry and your cheeks ached after smiling for three hours straight to film the ice cream commercial. And you rejoiced at the thought of at least getting to eat ice cream, only to find out that real ice cream is often not used in advertising. It melts too quickly so toy models are used instead. The same goes for most food commercials, explaining why food never looks as good in the ads.

You were grateful for all the job offers but your requests for days off have gone so far unheard.

“Excuse me,” a voice interrupts.

The two women doing your hair and makeup pause, giving formal greetings and slight bows to the visitor, before continuing their jobs. You noticed them share a look of amazement and if you didn’t already recognize the voice, their faces would have given it away.

Girls Generation member, Tiffany Hwang, was stood by your manager.

“I just wanted to properly introduce myself, as this is our first time working together.” Tiffany speaks to you, eyes holding yours without falter. It’s nerve wracking, to look Tiffany Hwang in the eyes.

She was your bias, the woman whose photo cards you always wanted and whose poster was hung by your bed. You used to look at it for encouragement, as you dreamed of being a model in the same company as her.

And now she stood before you.

You smiled at her, not caring anymore that your cheeks hurt from this morning. “Hello Tiffany. I’m a really big fan so I’m very honoured for the chance to work with you. I hope you forgive my amateur mistakes and guide me through the shoot.”

Your manager seems pleased with your squeaky clean response.

She laughs, eye smile even more striking in person than cameras could do her justice. “Oh, please, you’re no amateur! I’ve bought many magazines with your photo shoots in them, as you could say I’m a fan. I know you’ll do well and I’m hoping I can shine as brightly as you today.”

She leaves soon after, after her manager calls her and the staff have just finished your touch ups. You take the opportunity to down your coffee before hurrying to the bathroom. Once you finish and wash up, a staff member is leading you to the shoot where the photographer is outlining his image to Tiffany.

He greets you with a brief handshake, his grip a little too tight for comfort. “Ah, so wonderful to be working with you again! I’m sure that with two beautiful people, today's shoot will be effortlessly flawless!”

The shoot continues on, with single shots as well as shots with Tiffany. The concept was a “girlfriend/boyfriend” theme, with natural makeup, modest clothes and intimate poses. There were no outfit changes so it doesn’t take long for the shoot to finish, a round of applause to be heard and you and Tiffany to be ushered back to the changing area.

As a Girls Generation member, she had her own dressing room and you bid her farewell, thinking this would be your last time meeting. After changing into your own clothes and returning the clothes for the shoot, you’re surprised to find her standing by your door.

“Oh, hello again.” You bow your head, hoping the honour was still visible. You wanted her to know that you truly meant your words, no matter how staged they might have sounded, and that you really were a huge fan of hers.

She smiles. “Can I walk you to your car? My driver’s stuck in traffic, so ..”

“If you don’t mind then I see no harm in it.”

As you walk together, a foot apart, it’s Tiffany that makes conversation. She compliments your modelling and praises the shoot. “I really was nervous to work with you, I hope you believe me when I say that. All your pictures turn out beautiful but none do your true visual any justice.”

You laugh bashfully and a little in disbelief. A member of Korea’s biggest girl group just called you a visual. Now this was a dream come true, even more so than being accepted by SM or than earning the affection of those who look at your photos.

“And not only are you beautiful but you seem very funny and kind. And I would like to spend more time with you. If you’re free someday maybe we could grab a coffee -”

“Oh!” You gasp, step faltering. “Oh! Oh, my, m - me? Um, I’m very flattered and I would love to go on a date but I - I’m just so busy and I never have any free time and -”

“It’s okay, I understand what that feels like. But I don’t mind. In fact, it would be nice to see someone who understands me in that way.”

“I really want to say yes but I just have no free time, ever, at all. None. I’m so so sorry, I truly am.”

You’re passing through the entrance doors to the building and you see your manager waving at you from inside the sleek, black car you were driven around in.

You turn to her, unable to make eye contact. “I hope this doesn’t make you think poorly of me. I’m only declining because I would have no time to devote to you the love and attention that you deserve. And for that, I’m very sorry.”

Three months have passed since your encounter with Tiffany. The only time you have to think about your encounter is the three seconds it takes you from getting into bed to falling asleep. Otherwise, you’re too busy and tired with schedules to even think about eating, let alone her offer of a date.

Your schedule today is an audition for your very first drama, that everyone tells you will be a role you’ll get easily. Apparently the director is a fan of yours and even mentioned having you in mind for the character. But however much people told you this, it did nothing to ease your nerves.

Modelling was your comfort zone, at this point. You knew how to smile, how to control your expressions and your body. Acting, however, was entirely different. Although the new project was scary, there was something exciting about it too.

As you sat outside the audition room, with six other nervous people, you read over the section of the script you would be auditioning with. You’re so into the script that you don’t hear someone walk up until you’re tapped on the shoulder.

When you look up, you notice the shocked look on the other peoples faces before you even realize who you’re looking at.

“Oh, Tiffany?”

She smile brightly. “I just wanted to wish you good luck! Though I’m sure you’ll do great anyway.”

“Oh, thank you. I hope so.” You can only laugh nervously, fiddling with the script in your sweaty grip.

The door opens and your name is called. Tiffany gives you another reassuring smile and that’s all you remember. Your nerves fuel you on and through the audition to where you walk out, dazed, not really sure what happened.

Tiffany is sat where you once were and jumps up when you exit the room. She walks with you, away from the waiting room, and once out of ear shot she asks, “So? How do you think you did?”

“I .. I don’t know. I was so nervous that I don’t really remember anything.” You laugh and when she laughs, you feel somehow reassured. Tiffany has a calming presence, you realize. It’s something you want to be around always.

“Well I’m sure you did great. Are you free now, by any chance? It’s Taco Thursday in the canteen, if you wanted to join me?”

You almost agree until you remember, “I can’t. I have a hair appointment in an hour. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know what you’re going through, there’s no need to apologize. But, hey, can I get your number? If we can’t meet up, then maybe we can still text.”

You’re not sure if you’re surprised or not when, an hour into your hair appointment, you receive a text from Tiffany. There’s a photo of a taco captioned: My third one so far ~

While you’re happy to see her eating well, there’s also a ball of guilt that sits heavily in your stomach. She should just quit it. You’re too busy to devote any time to her so a relationship is the last thing you’re looking for, right now.

As you go to respond, the hairdresser decides to usher you to the sink and it’s as if the world is reminding you that you have no time, no time for yourself and no time for a significant other.

Three more months pass by and at least once a day, Tiffany will text you. Sometimes it’s a sweet message, reminding you to eat. Other times, she’ll send you pictures of her new hair or new nails. And sometimes, she ask if you’re free to meet up, if you’re around to go to dinner or a cafe. It hurts you every time you deny her, no matter her persistence and resilience until one day you respond;

[13:47 pm] Yeah, I’m still in SM. Wanna meet in the canteen?

The response is almost instant.

[13:49 pm] Of course! I’ll see you soon ^^

You tell your manager than you can’t make your next schedule. “Make something up,” you tell him, as you walk away.

Initially, you had pushed away your thought to do this. You were afraid of the consequences, of being in trouble or getting fired. But now you realize how much your manager needs you, how dozens of other companies would be dying to have you work for them if you did get dropped, so that idea is no longer something you simply dream about.

It’s something you’re doing.

If you can make your dream to be a model come true, if you can meet your idol Tiffany Hwang and get her phone number, then you sure as hell can take a break when you need one.

Tiffany spots you enter the canteen and look around for her, so she waves to catch your attention. As you sit, you realize she already has two cups of coffee in front of her. She pushes one towards you.

“I’m glad you finally found free time,” she beams.

“For you, I’ll always try.”

And as someone in the same lifestyle as you, she knows how hard that is and how powerful those words are. She smiles and you know she understands.

[latestnews2018-blog]

The Time Proto Zoa From 'Zenon' Was More Popular Than William F**king Shakespeare

New Post has been published on https://latestnews2018.com/the-time-proto-zoa-from-zenon-was-more-popular-than-william-fking-shakespeare/

The Time Proto Zoa From 'Zenon' Was More Popular Than William F**king Shakespeare

Last year Phillip Rhys was touring William Shakespeare’s former residence outside London when he spotted a huddle of whispering girls, but he thought nothing of it.

“Sometimes you kind of know when you’re being recognized,” the former Disney actor admitted, “but because I was in the home of the greatest playwright of all time, I was mildly distracted ― more interested in that.”

By the time he reached the exit, the murmuring was impossible to ignore. “Oh, my God, are you Proto Zoa?” one of the girls asked

He replied “yes,” and “these young American girls” started screaming, he said. “I thought, ‘We’re in the home of William fucking Shakespeare! Let’s honor this moment. Forget Proto Zoa. This is what we should be pulling our hair about.’”

Instead, hair was pulled over a star of “Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century,” a 1999 movie about teens who live on a space station orbiting Earth in 2049. “I go, ‘Oh, isn’t that funny?’” Rhys recalled. “Popular culture trumps the Bard.”

Even after almost two decades, Proto Zoa could still make hearts go boom boom.

Disney; Getty

Phillip Rhys as Proto Zoa in 1999’s “Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century” and in 2011.

So, yes, fans regularly recognize Rhys, who rode a Disney Channel wave to fame like his colleagues Hilary Duff, Bella Thorne and Zac Efron. Playing the movie’s intergalactic rock star character made him, as he put it in an interview with HuffPost, a ”prepubescent Bradley Pitt for the mid-’90s.”

Twenty years later, the mania persists. Ikea cashiers have been known to spontaneously jump over registers to hug him. 

In the time since “Zenon,” Rhys has appeared in roles for TV shows such as “Nip/Tuck” and “24,” has had parts in Steven Spielberg’s “The Adventures of Tintin” and Al Pacino’s “Salome” and directed a short film starring Sandra Oh called “The Scarecrow.”

Now Rhys is starring in Syfy’s upcoming series “Nightflyers,” based on George R.R. Martin’s novella about an ill-fated space voyage. Rhys joins the series as Murphy, a systems engineer who is said to be very busy in the premiere. 

“[Proto Zoa} is back in space years later!” Rhys joked.

His perspective on acting has changed since his Disney days, when screaming fans were the sign of a job well done. “Jobs I get now feel earned, and they seem to fit better with the richer and more diverse life I try and live,” he said. “A life that isn’t about just acting. It’s a much healthier place to come from.”

Part of that more diverse, healthier outlook comes from what has happened in his personal life. He is now married with a son. So you could say Rhys is done looking for his supernova girl. At least he would.

“I found her,” he said with a laugh. “Oh, my God, she chuckles with that.”

During our conversation, Rhys divulged as much as he could about “Nightflyers,” graciously looked back on the “Zenon” franchise and (zetus lapetus!) teased a possible Proto Zoa return. 

What is it like being in space again?

The ship’s a lot bigger. The craft services is healthier, maybe? No, it’s great. You know, this production, it feels very special. There’s a certain energy on the set where we all feel like we’re involved in something that people are engaged in, excited to see. We’re doing a lot of firsts. We’re using augmented reality, which I had no idea what it was at the time ― deals with depths of field. There’s all sorts of fancy perspective where we can look outside the ship and see Earth going by. We’re using these lenses Ridley Scott used back in the day, [with] this dirty sci-fi feel to it. [It’s a] much more real, grittier vibe. Everything is anamorphic lenses. It’s like you’re getting a 10-hour movie.

Why were you interested in “Nightflyers”? What makes it so special?

They’re pushing certain boundaries … The guys who are running that, they’re about story. It’s not about what’s cool. We all love a cool shot. We all love a cool image, but at the end of the day, if the story sucks, you’ll get the kids for a moment, and they won’t be coming back. The story has to sustain, and they’re coming from that place. When you’re working with a George R.R. Martin, he knows story.

How involved was George R.R. Martin? Was he able to be on set, or was it just kind of approving things from behind the scenes?

I believe it’s the latter. Yes, they’ve taken the novella, and they’ve gone at it. I don’t know how much material was there for a 10-episode season for the first season or even subsequent seasons, but they’ve used that as a launching pad, a jumping-off point. Much to his blessing, he’s endorsed it all. He’s been very positive about what he’s seen, and I think due to contractual reasons with HBO, he can’t be a creative on this, but we’re at least allowed to say “from the mind of George R.R. Martin.” 

Of course, your first foray into space was in “Zenon.” What’s it like looking back on it? 

I’m incredibly proud of it because, by all accounts, it should’ve just been another kids’ TV movie. Even when I read it, I said, “This is good. This is really good.” I went in with a specific thing. I said, “If I’m going to play this role, I’m going to do it like this.” I think I was doing a play at that time … so this was an amalgamation of this character I’d done in a play … [Proto Zoa] wasn’t written English, and it wasn’t written with blond hair [or with] that swagger … I went in, and I did it, and they were incredibly open to it.

We had a screening a few months later. It was really well received. I watched it with my adult friends at the time, and they thought nothing of it. Just, “What the fuck are you doing wiggling your hips around?” It was lost on us. It was lost on kids in their 20s. It wasn’t for them. It was for a generation before us and even younger than that, and it clicked. It really clicked, and I can’t believe it. 

It still comes up, especially on social media. Have you seen the comparisons to Guy Fieri? People say that’s what Proto Zoa looks like today.

Oh, yes. I have seen this. I’m fine [with it]. I’ll be honest with you, I had no idea who he was, not until that moment. So the first time I saw it, I said, “Who is this guy?” So I looked him up. OK, I’m fine. It’s all, you know, if people are looking and talking about your work in a reasonably positive way, I’m fine with it. And Guy, I’m sure, is great at what he does. He’s a cook, right?

Yeah, he’s a celebrity chef.

OK, so I don’t really watch those programs, but God bless him. God bless him if I could one day be Mr. Guy Fieri. I probably should watch the shows, and I could learn from him if we ever did a 20-year reunion, a “Zenon” reunion. I could bring some of his flair. Maybe he’s a chef now, Proto Zoa.

Guy Fieri is Protozoa from Zenon grown up pic.twitter.com/0A6OhGR9oT

— woooooooooof (@gilwoof) May 8, 2014

I mean, the 20th anniversary is next year.

Where do you see Proto Zoa 20 years later?

He’d be a manager for the next hot band, selling the next boy group or something to the world. And living off-world, probably because the polar ice caps have melted and all of it. It’d be a bit of a downer. It’d be a post-apocalyptic “Zenon.” Everyone would be in boats.

Boats that could go in space, I hope.

Oh, my goodness. That immediately is the second thought you go to. Could my hair sustain all that peroxide? Jeez. That was a summer I was playing a lot of musicians, and I shot the first “Zenon” in September, so I just did a whole summer of various degrees of musicians, successful and otherwise, so I had let the peroxide grow out. I went and auditioned like that, and they were like, “We love it. We love the hair,” and I was like, “Oh, Christ.” I was actually going to dye it back normal, and they’re like, “No, keep it. Keep it.”

Does Billy Idol still wear [his hair with] the peroxide?

Actually, yeah, he does. I saw him with it on “The Voice.”

Does he? He’s still rocking that hairdo? I need to Google him. What about Bowie? He was a dirty brunet always going around as blond.

Yeah, I mean, David Bowie changed his look a lot.

I took a bit from Bowie, a bit from Elvis, a bit from Liberace, I think. That’s “Zenon.”

Are you still friends with Zenon?

I haven’t seen Zenon [Kirsten Storms] in a while, no. Holly Fulger, who plays Judy, I see her every now and then for a coffee. We catch up.

When I think about “Zenon,” obviously one of the most memorable things was your song.

Zoom, zoom, zoom. Make my heart go boom, boom, boom.

With that, we had Michael Jackson’s choreographer come up to Vancouver. Suzanne de Passe managed the Jackson 5, and she produced “Zenon,” so it was heavy. This gentlemen came up and was like, “OK, let’s do it. Let’s do this choreography dance number,” and I was like, “I have two left feet.” I was like, “Hold on, hold on, hold on.” It was kind of like the day before we were going to shoot, and … [the choreographer] does this, “You gotta go left, right, chassé, twirl with the guitar, play the song, and go!” I did it, I fell over myself, and it was ridiculous, and seeing the producer’s face, they were like, “What the fuck have we got here?” Because every actor says they can do everything, right? Until you’re on set. The band were much better than I, so if you look, the band was doing most of the dancing, and I was just doing two steps to the left and two steps to the right. 

Wow, and that was Michael Jackson’s choreographer?

Yeah, one of the guys at the time, whoever that was. Yep, so when we did the second [movie], they were aware of my limitations as a dancer. I did a lot more pointing in the sequel. Just put your feet on the ground, just start pointing to the stars and the galaxy.

How do you feel about the aliens basically using Proto Zoa to get to Zenon in the “Zequel”?

Bastards! Right? I know, they used me as this conduit. I was used and abused.

Why weren’t you in the third one, “Z3”?

I was shooting “Nip/Tuck” at the time, and … I was committed to it. It was Ryan Murphy’s first big thing, and I just couldn’t leave, really. I actually know the gentleman who played Proto Zoa [in the third], though, bizarrely enough. After a few months, he came into my world. I met him via a friend, and he’s a lovely guy. That’s not easy taking over the role. He’s American. He had to do an English accent as well. That’s tough, just not fair.

For sure. Nathan Anderson is his name. He’s a lovely guy.

I’ve seen this debated, but was it “zetus lapetus” or “cetus lapetus”?

Didn’t she go “zetus lapetus”? It’s a Z. But she’s pronouncing it with an S … “cetus lapetus,” right? Yeah, when I hear it. What’s the Earth translation?

“Crap” is probably better for Disney. The movie also predicted Chelsea Clinton would be president.

More of her discussions in the media have been politically skewed, I think. The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, right? And maybe she’ll want to right the wrong of whatever happened at the last election. I wouldn’t bet against them, but what happened with Ivanka Trump? Wasn’t part of her agreement with daddy that she would also run at some point and they would get behind her?

So you think it could be Clinton vs. Trump again?

Because they were friends pre–this nonsense? Maybe a Clinton-Trump showdown.

Possibly in a new “Zenon.”

A new “Zenon” would be perfect, right?

Brad Barket / Getty Images

Rhys attending the Tribeca Film Festival Shorts in New York City in 2016, with stars of his short film “The Scarecrow,” Sandra Seacat and Darren Pettie.

What have been the biggest challenges you’ve overcome since “Zenon”? What have you learned in that time?

What I learned from 20 years as an actor? The obstacle is the path. When you’re denied the roles and jobs you think you want, it forces you to get even clearer on what you really want and why. It forces you to be at peace with the outcome and look for other things in life to fulfill you creatively. By doing this, you discover your unique truth and what’s valuable to you … so when a job does come along you want, you can basically take it or leave it … There’s less fear or desperation in and around the work. 

So what’s next? You directed “The Scarecrow.” Do you want to direct a feature, or are you planning on focusing more on acting? 

None of it is mutually exclusive. I’d like to direct a feature. I’d like to continue very much on “Nightflyers” and other shows of comparable quality, stuff that’s good stuff, that challenges me in front of or behind the camera. I mean, if you’d asked me a week before I’m shooting this pilot, I never thought I’d be on a George R.R. Martin show. These things happen, they present themselves, and you grab them when they’re good.

And there’s always the possibility for another “Zenon.” Gary Marsh, president of Disney Channels Worldwide, even said there could even be a “Zenon” TV show. Would you be into that?

Yes, I read that. I heard about it too. We’ll see. Maybe they’ll commission the writers and stuff. I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything. Actors are usually the last people to hear. I would be open to it, of course. Of course.

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[alwayssummerblog]

5 Of Country Music’s Hottest Mamas

While being a mom is a full-time job in itself, many woman juggle the pressures of parenthood alongside their equally busy careers. Some of our favorite country stars moonlight as kickass moms and somehow manage to raise their kids alongside having successful music careers. 

To help celebrate Mothers Day, we wanted to honor just a few of the artists that make selling out arenas while judging parenthood look so good!

Carrie Underwood

While well-know for being the fourth season winner of American Idol, selling millions of albums and collecting 7 Grammy Awards, 12 Country Music Awards and 17 Billboard Music Awards, Carrie Underwood may say her greatest achievement comes in an adorable pint-sized package. Only a few short years ago, Underwood and her husband, professional hockey player Mike Fisher, welcomed son Isaiah into the world and the country singer went from superstar to super mom!

With a new single out and the promise of an upcoming record to follow, Underwood’s schedule has been busier than ever. However, this hot mama has no problem making time for her little man, whether it be reading bedtime stories or Isaiah joining his mom for a quick workout!

Story time with Daddy...Learning about Noah...and my heart melts... ❤️❤️❤️

A post shared by Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) on Jan 20, 2018 at 6:51pm PST

My boys make work outs fun (and a bit less productive, but that’s ok)! #StayThePath @caliabycarrie 📸: @erinoprea

A post shared by Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) on Feb 10, 2018 at 9:56am PST

Jana Kramer

This talented mom of 2-year-old daughter Jolie Rae is a triple threat! From her role as Alex Dupré on the hit TV series One Tree Hill, two successful albums under her belt to earning 4th place on season 23 of ABC's Dancing With The Stars, Kramer has a lot to be proud of. After releasing two smash singles from her self-entitled country album, Jana went on to come in 4th place on season 23 of ABC's Dancing With The Stars.

While Kramer is currently working on multiple projects, including a new podcast, she loves her time with Jolie Rae. “One second she’s bossing me around left and right and then the next thing she’s like a sweet little snuggle bug,” Kramer says. “And between motherhood, I’ve got music and auditions and living in Los Angeles. It’s been a whirlwind.”

What my podcast is about.....MY CHILD. MY LIFE. MOM LIFE. MY MARRIAGE. Winding down with my moms and talking about what’s an opinion verse mommy shaming. My mommy fantasies. Sex. And yes how my child WHINES. This is MY podcast. This is MY life. So to the people out there who think I “stole” an idea. How can you steal ur life? I support everyone but I don’t support bullies or people that attack me or call me mean names. I never heard of her vlog and it’s COMPLETELY different and I would have listened but I’ve been not only attacked but called mean names so I don’t support someone like that. To all the moms out there who want to whine down with me after a long day of ur kids whining and u want to just catch up and chat about it all then I hope u subscribe and love it. I have always loved sharing my life with y’all even when it’s hard so I can’t wait to talk about it all!!!!!! My podcast is avail on all formats. Link in bio. 📸 by @valoriedarling

A post shared by Jana Kramer (@kramergirl) on May 7, 2018 at 2:30pm PDT

Jessie James Decker 

With a debut album and a successful tour under her belt, this mom of three is a pro when it comes to balancing her career and family! Jessie James Decker, with husband New York Jets wide receiver Eric Decker, have three children Vivian, 3, Eric, 1, and newborn Forrest. Aside from a budding music career, Decker has a reality show with her husband, fashion and perfume lines and is on her way to becoming a veritable lifestyle guru, with her recently announced book Just Jessie: My Guide to Love, Life, Family, and Food. 

The new book will include the country singer’s experience as a mom, wife, and entertainer as well as personal advice on life, fashion, beauty, and pregnancy. She also mixes in stories about her life, how she met Eric and lots of family-friendly recipes. We can't wait to get our copy!

Kisses for Forrest 😍

A post shared by Jessie James Decker (@jessiejamesdecker) on Apr 21, 2018 at 2:25pm PDT

Last vacation before our little boy arrives ❤️

A post shared by Jessie James Decker (@jessiejamesdecker) on Feb 24, 2018 at 1:36pm PST

Shania Twain

Of course we had to include one of the most successful female musicians in history! Shania Twain may be a household name around the world, but to her now teenage son Eja, she’s known as mom. After a substantial hiatus from the spotlight and recently releasing her first album in 15 years, Twain is hitting the stage hard with her NOW World Tour. 

While Twain took a step back due to illness and personal matters, the time away allowed her to focus on raising her son and get back to being one of country music’s greatest forces!

It's beautiful to be loved! #HappyMothersDay to all the amazing mothers out there!

A post shared by Shania Twain (@shaniatwain) on May 11, 2014 at 1:50pm PDT

Faith Hill

Faith Hill is part of country music’s strongest power couple with husband Tim McGraw and together they have three daughters Gracie, Maggie and Audrey. This year alone, she and McGraw dropped their first duets album and have been touring on their Soul2Soul World Tour. However, while she may have an extremely successful recording and touring career, Hill admits that her children provided her with the strength to accomplish whatever she wanted. 

“After I had my three daughters, I felt I could accomplish absolutely anything I wanted to in my life,” she explains.

“There is a strength that comes with giving birth to children. As they’re getting older, their needs are so evident on a daily basis, but also their need for independence. Watching each of them establish their independence and seeing them put it to good use gives me strength and confidence.”

There is no man that could be loved more than you. Happy Birthday from your four girls.

A post shared by Faith Hill (@faithhill) on May 1, 2016 at 12:09pm PDT

[iwishiwasabigstrawberry-blog]

Fandom as audience in popular culture （blog#1）

have you seen something like this?

We call a group of people who obsess with specific stars, movies or other forms of media texts or articles fans.  They are listeners, spectators, viewers, and readers. Fandom can be seen as a group of audiences who are ardent admirers or even devotees. There are different types of fandom, some like sports some love Harry Potter. In this blog, we will talk about the fan of music. There is an example of a girl named Loweel from Loving music: listeners, entertainments and the origins of music fandom in 19th America written by Daniel Caricchi. After this Loweel girl first watching Opera, she loved it and start to watch every Opera she could and learn sing every week. (p235) There are people like Loweel who is a fan of music, more than that, some of them are not only listening to music, they start to love the person or groups who sing those songs and become consumers. They spend money to buy albums, posters or tickets for concerts just for pleasure. As fandom has developed till nowadays, it became more vast and powerful because of the globalization of the media industry and development of technology. This blog will discuss fandom as audiences in popular culture in five parts that will be mainly mentioned: how did fandom change in the history, what roles that fans playing, how fans affected by media as objects and at last what hidden troubles within the fandom. I will explain these parts combining with my own experience as an “Army” which is the name of fans of BTS (a Korean boy group 防彈少年團). 

How did fandom change in the history?

BTS is a boy group in Korea, they have seven members and each of them is talented and attractive. They made their own songs and even got Billboard Top Social Artist awards this year with breaking Billboard record of voting. Thanks to globalization and development in technology that help breaking the limitation of space and time, their music albums, music videos and program shows are all kinds of platforms being viewed. In C.Lee Harrimgton and Denise D.Bielby interviewed 65 scholars about the status and possibilities of global fandom and global fan studies, one of their points is that “originally an industrial (marketing) term linked with the rice of commercial radio broadcasting. The concept of the audience quickly became one of the central ideas in mass communications research.” (p181) BTS’s music video of their title song from the new album has been watched over 81 million times. Globalization also brings interactions in economy and language between countries, people can watch those media texts that have subtitles of different languages. BTS has done many world tour concert, they can speak English, Chinese and Japanese. They also active in social media sharing their daily lives which can be seen by “Army” all around the world. In history, form the appearance of Greek theatre in 4th - 5th BCE till around 20th-century audiences as a group has been gradually formed from unmediated to mediated, danger of the crowd to danger of the content and public to private. In this case, from what I learned in Korea. There is a complete k-pop stardom made system in Korea, entertainment companies select teenagers from auditions and training them about dancing and singing skills, languages and working for better body shape. The cost of the training and board and lodging are all come from entertainment companies, once they done training for years and debut 60% - 80% of the money they earned will go to the companies. Entertainment companies deiced what K-pop stars wear on the stage and how they speak in interviews until the expiration of contract they even not allowed to dating with anyone for a better image (which can be called persona in section 3 of this blog). Some said that it’s like contact of selling oneself to companies, but there are still large number of people want to be a famous k-pop stars due to its successes. Benjamin Han referred the word “trans-culture” in his research that in Latin America, people love K-pop as well. As a result of that, fans of k-pop are extremely large but under management, they behave (most of them). Some companies have rules like forbidding fans staying around there waiting for their idols, or if a fan wants to send presents they are not allowed to give directly to the idols etc. which also is a protection of stars (related to the last section about negative influence within fandom).

What roles that fans playing?

Audiences’ roles as the outcome, mass, and agent are playing in mass media. Mass sees audiences as “a large collection of people scattered across time and space, who act autonomously and have little or no immediate knowledge of one another” (Sullivan, p27). “Army” as a group people who are in different places in the world but have one thing in common--- loving BTS are a perfect example for this concept. Even we don’t know each other, we know that we are family. We have many organizations that autonomously managed by some of “Army”, some of them selling DIY products related to BTS, some raise funds for donation with the name “Army”, others who live in Korea would follow their schedule and take pictures sharing them to other “Army”.  When there is a concert, “Army” who are in charged of those organization will help to decorate the venue, preparing food for BTS and give free gifts for “army” who went to their concert. I got a lot of little gifts last year in Beijing concert of BTS 

As for the aspect of audiences as agents, which is “conceived of [audience members] as free agents choosing what they want to experience. Using their own interpretative skills to interpret the texts they encounter, making their own meanings, and generally using media to site them”(Sullivan, p27).   There are many YouTubers who recording their reaction of viewing MV and post them on Youtube. Like JREKML, he is so successful that even Taeyang from Bigbang knows him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USS4KORhBYM Many “Army” know BTS from these agents, we can all be agents with our control of what to post on social media. Like me, in this case, I have a Sina Weibo (Chinese version of Twitter) account that full of information about BTS with hashtags about BTS, even my mom became an “army”. Besides, because some of the BTS MVs contain lots of metaphors and potential relations of each other, “Army” like to write articles and try to figure out what is in depth. Here is an analysis of BTS mv which is my favorite BTS song I need U https://whiskedawaybywords.com/bts-i-need-u-original-version-music-video-analysis/

Like what was brought up in the first section about changing from danger from the crowd in danger of the content, audiences as outcome “see people as being acted upon by media. Typically, it relates a concern about the power of media to produce detrimental effects on individuals, and by implication on society as a whole.” (Sullivan, p27) Same as parents’ worry about video games would make their children’s personality violent, some young “Army” who don’t have much self-control may have a chance to be wary of studying because their think the world in songs is real or fell in love easily due to romance content in songs. It is not only depended on fans’ critical thinking or self-control, according to Juluri media content is important as well.  He argues that “the study of globalization and media needs to turn its attention to the media audience, not merely as a commercially constructed aggregated of viewers or partially disembodied subjects of global modernity, but as the point at which media are made meaningful and effective.”  This point leads us to the next few sections, how fans affected by media? Is the influence good or bad?

How fans affected by media as objects?

Different from fans as agents, they as audiences can also be seen as objects that can be affected by media. “Cooley was one of the first intellectuals to link the development of individuals’ psyches and worldviews with their immediate surroundings, including social feedback from peers, parents and other authority figures; and messages carried by communications, media via print, telegraph, telephones, to name a few” (Sullivan, p27) That means people not only affected by people surround but also by media. I think what’s good in BTS is that they always try to pass good content to fans. We can find many encouraging sentences and positive things in their lyrics. I think that is also due to K-pop culture in which idols are designed with a perfect image, which can be called persona. They look great and kind, they say things politely, they are just like angles especially to the female fans. Sullivan also mentioned that ‘there are 4 processes of involvement, which were defined as “the degree of psychological response of a person to a mediated message or persona” (Brown, p260). ’I think these 4 processes are used by entertainment companies in Korea for forming idols’ persona.

1. Transportation. This one means that audiences get involved in the media text, they feel like living in the fictional world. I think fans are touched by verbally and visually because of lyrics and MVs, I love MV of Run especially the scene they are running and laughing. I think I am there as well, far away from troubles in my life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Wn85Ge22FQ 2. Identification refers that fans sometimes imagine that they are someone else rather than who they really are. In the teaser of BTS’s new album, there are six girls in it as love stories. With that came out, “Army” all pretend that they are the girls. There are also tests online saying results lead to which one of the BTS will you married in the future. Even though I don’t think that is possible, I tried one of those tests.  3.for parasocial interaction, like what in the introduction of this blog, they are active on social media which can interact with fans. They post their selfies without makeup and costumes on the stage, they look just like someone live next door who I grew up with, every time when I am staring at him he smiles at me... (I think myself exactly fit in the 1,2 and 3 processes) 4. Fans who are in process of worship regard their idols as God. I know some fans who only care about their idols, don’t talk to their families and friends. They don’t have a life, just sitting there watching things about their idols on the internet.

What hidden troubles within fandom?

However, are fans really passively accepting all the influences that media carry? There are two ways of showing active in fandom. Positive way is that fans can be affected to become better in their real life. I have friends who are “Army” too, one of them dances very well and records cover dance of BTS then post on social media, she has many fans too! Another one is good at using computers to edit video and Photoshop pictures because she always makes videoes of BTS and design fan-made poster or card for them. As for myself, I went to Korea last year studying Korean and started to write rap songs in Korean. The video that I posted on my Instagram got many likes. There are more “Army” who is making progress of their lives because of BTS, I remember that their first song talks about “young people should have dreams”.  The other way of showing active in fandom is so-called “hidden troubles” within the fandom. They are anti-fans that defined by Diane F. Alters, who has plenty of opinions but dislike a show so much that he or she refused to watch (Fandom, 343). They are fans who don’t behave as audiences, who also have power. Anti-fans post negative messages about idols they don’t like on social media, some fight with fans, some even harm idols. Because anti-fans mean words, many idols suffering from depression and even suicide. Anti-fans could be awful, there is one time that a member from TVXQ received superglue in a juice bottle, he drank and got hurt.  Fortunately, he still can sing, but he can barely drink any beverage for many years.  

  References

Gray, J., Sandvoss, C., & Harrington, C. L. (2007). Fandom : identities and communities in a mediated world. New York : New York University Press, c2007.

Han, B. (2017). K-Pop in Latin America: Transcultural fandom and digital mediation. International Journal Of Communication (Online), 2250.

Sullivan, J. L. (2012). media audiences: Effects, users, institutions, and power. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE publications.

[maritzamario8-blog]

Productive Techniques For Shielding Analyses By Andrew Wachler

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[voiceactinguk]

Cardfight!! Vanguard: NEW WORLD (Cardfight Vanguard Fan Series) [NEW ROLES ADDED!]

Hey everyone! This is my first time posting here, but I'll do my Rubesty! *Ahem ahem ahem* Introduction Cardfight!! Vanguard: NEW WORLD is a fan project I've been mulling over for quite some time, and I'd like to find some voice actors to make this project a reality! Featuring three new characters, new mechanics, and new cards, Vanguard's never had an adventure like this before! Set in everyday modern America, Vanguard's going to be crossing borders into a an all new world! Part of me wants to immediately leap into episode production, but even I know I'm not at that skill level. So I was thinking I'd gather people for a fun few things here and there. A few Bushiroad-style advertisements, comic dubs, maybe even radio plays if we have the time? I want to keep things short, sweet, and casual for now. And if things work out, we can get to actually turning New World into a real series! For now, I'd just like to find some voice talent to help me out. I'm not going to need anything huge at first, don't worry! Just a few vocal barks and ultimately short scripts. This is a low-commitment project at the moment, so if you're short on time but want to do something, this is perfect for that! I will be requiring a few things, though! * A decent quality microphone. I know this is a standard, but it's just nice to have good quality audio! You don't need to drop 500+ bucks on a Blue Yeti (god knows I only paid like what, thirty bucks for my headset?), but clear audio is very important. * Speaking of clear audio, please speak clearly, and make sure you're free of background noise when you submit your lines! I've noticed a lot of people have a tendency to whisper, especially during more "embarrassing" moments. Just remember to have fun and really throw yourself into the lines! * This one isn't required, but it's nice to know. Being able to sing is a definite plus! You don't need to be able to, not at all, but if you think you've got a good voice, feel free to drop a link to your soundcloud/youtube channel/etc! We might do a few musical things, depends how everything goes. * Lastly, you don't necessarily NEED a Discord or Skype, but that would definitely be easier to contact you through. Sure, e-mail is fine, but it'd just be easier for everyone if we could all just connect through Discord or something like that! Otherwise, that's pretty much it! Remember to be nice and respectful to everyone. I can be pretty flexible with deadlines, and I'll be keeping projects short and sweet for now. So like I said, even if you don't think you have enough time, try out anyway! I promise, I'm a good director! --- Characters Emma Drake [MAIN] Emma Drake is a passionate, firey, hot-headed character! Her passion for both Vanguard, life, and living come through in her dialogue, and there's rarely a "calm" moment with her. As such, her voice reflects that! Her hotheadedness should come through every line, especially when speaking passionately about something. (Er, you know, moreso than usual.) The clan she uses is Nova Grappler, her subclan of choice is Warlords, and her avatar is Ultimate Warlord, Eddy. For a voice example, I was thinking of something along the lines of Noboru Kodo (Future Card Buddyfight) and/or Tokoha Anjou (Cardfight!! Vanguard G). But I'm willing to listen to anyone's lines! So feel free to audition, you might just be the perfect pick! Lines --- [Introducing herself, firey as usual] I'm Emma Drake! I'm the president of the Vanguard Club, and I'm gonna beat down everyone in my way! I use Nova Grappler, and my avatar, Ultimate Warlord, Eddy and I will be the last ones standing at the Vanguard US Tour! [Passionately] Our allies will become our strength! Our sacrifices will not be in vain! Again and again, we'll keep standing up! Stride Generation! Incredible Warlord, Unbreakable Eddy the First! [Confused, Shocked] I...the ability to change our futures? That's what these Alter units can do? Anything we want, we get? --- Beck Fjord [MAIN] Beck is big, bulky, and brash. He's a laughable, kind of idiotic, gruff, and loveable father-type, but with that flashy, rebellious youth still inside of him. He can tend to be a little childish sometimes, in addition to being rather petty. He's also a media-savvy geek with a love for all things idol, and has a hidden wish to become one himself. His voice, fittingly, is gruff and almost raspy, and significantly deeper than the rest of the cast. His clan is Bermuda Triangle, his subclan is the Sharkz, and his avatar unit is Leader of the Sharkz, Deliah. As an example for his voice, I imagine something kind of like a youthful Ryotaro Dojima (Persona 4) or Ryutaro Oyama (Cardfight!! Vanguard G) (....Lotta Ryu/otaros, ain't there...) but I'm always open to other interpretations! Audition, and maybe you have the perfect voice for Beck! Lines --- [Introducing Himself, cheerful and proud] I'm Beck Fjord! My lovely idols n' I are here to take ya down! I use Bermuda Triangle, the clan that's almost as Sexy as I am! Me n' my avatar, Deliah, Leader of the Sharkz are gonna win it all on the Vanguard US Tour! [Passionately] Shine, spotlight! On this glittering stage, I will rise to the top! From now and forevermore, into the brightest future! Stride Generation! Sharkz Above the Seafoam, Deliah Star! [Confused, then Convicted] Ehhh, I dunno. I jus' don' think it's that weird. Peanut butter, mayonnaise, and whipped cream is a true man's meal! And as the biggest, strongest, sexiest man in this room, I've earned my right! --- Luke Baldur [MAIN] Luke is the smartie pants of the group, and a total smartass. He can come off as cold, aloof, and even cruel at times. He just states things matter-of-factly, and seems to think everyone has common knowledge that in reality, only he has. He's your typical nerd otherwise, both in personality and in voice. He's pretty sickly too, and a total sloucher. Every word out of his mouth is usually flat or subdued, but he CAN feel strong emotion! It just doesn't usually come across. He can really be loyal and caring if you're someone who's wormed their way into his heart. The issue is getting there. (Did I really write that much about him? Yeesh.) His clan is Oracle Think Tank, his subclan is Beast Knights, and his avatar is Solar Beast Knight, Aslan. For a voice, think like a less-energetic Silver The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog) meets Naoto Shirogane (Persona 4) ...Does that even make sense? Or just do whatever a sickly nerd teenager sounds like. You might totally surprise me, so go for it! Everyone's got a shot! Lines --- [Introducing Himself, trying to sound tough, but is nervous] I-I'm Luke Baldur! I use Oracle Think Tank! I may not look strong, but you better watch your back! My avatar, Solar Beast Knight, Aslan are going to come out on top in the Vanguard US Tour! [Passionately] Divinate the future, and open the gates! Knowledge is power, and it is a weapon! Shine, like the sun, and reveal to me everything! Break Ride! Beast Knight of Solaris, Aslan Rising! [Flatly and Frustratedly] No, and [sigh] I-I really don't know how this thought got into your mind. But please, and I can't stress enough how exasperating this is that I have to repeat this, but please. Do not, under any circumstances, lick anything that I own. --- [ART COMING SOON] Mikhail Copper [SUPPORTING] Ohhhh my God. Oh my God, what can I say about Mikhail Copper? He's a snarky, fake-British lover of steampunk, crushing you, and romancing anyone who steps in his path. Sometimes, all at once. But his skill is...well, let's just say he's very much not the best player. He talks a big game, and his Gear Chronicle can be rather scary, but his overconfidence has lead to more than a few Triple Criticals to the face. He's also pitifully short, almost as much as Luke. It's very funny. Mikhail uses Gear Chronicle, and his avatar is Steam Butler, Zappi. As for a voice...no, I have no idea what he'd sound like. Just imagine the most pretentious, snobby person you can imagine, throw on a fake British accent, and you've probably got it. Lines --- [Introducing himself] 'Ello loves! Sorry for the delay! My name's Mikhail Copper, and I'm the leader of Team Breakerz! My avatar, Steam Butler, Zappi and I are here to take home the gold! Leap through time with me, and I'll show you a glorious future! [Passionately]  The future, it calls us! Beckoning us through time and space, I'll rip apart dimensions if it means that I can be with you for one single moment! Stride Generation! Metapulsar, Chronolight Peacock! [With much snark] Sorry to say, Emma, but you and your little...group have no chance of beating us! When the school tournament comes around, I'm afraid Team Breakerz will be the ones going on the Vanguard US Tour! --- [ART COMING SOON] "Key" [SUPPORTING] Key is...an interesting man. He's pretentious, has quite the god complex, and can be very, very, very vindictive sometimes. He speaks so eloquently, and is always surrounded with this sense of pretension. He's also one of those people who wears a scarf and a trench coat on 80 degree days. Prick. He's rarely seen without a book in his hand, and he takes pride in being everything a hipster should be. But unlike Mikhail, Key is able to hold his own at Vanguard quite well. He's one of the few people in school who can consistently beat Emma, and she (even though she'd rather die than say it to him) has to admit that he's quite the skilled player. He also keeps acting like he's going to be the sole bringer of the Rapture, and, no thank u Key uses Link Joker, and his avatar is Absolute Messiah. Key's voice, again, I don't have a character to compare it to. But he's got a very soft, soothing voice that's a little on the high side. It'd be calming if the things he talked about weren't either both so grim or so infuriating. He talks slowly, and of course, with a snarky and pretentious edge that drips from his vocabulary. Go for it, my dudes. Lines --- [Introducing himself] Hmmm? Ah, you must forgive me. I was lost in one of my many books. Do you love reading? I do too. It truly is such a magnanimous-eh? Introduce myself? [ahem] Well, if I must. You may call me "Key", and my avatar, Absolute Messiah, are sort of the trump card of Team Breakerz. I hope we can fight, and maybe I can enlighten you in the process. [Passionately, if he can even do that] Oh, sweet light shining from the heavens. Sometimes, the best medicine for sin, is a good and just punishment. Judgement day has come my friends, and I've set my sights on you! Stride Generation! Unforgiving Messiah! [Also full of snark] Ohhh, Beck. Beck, Beck, Beck. I assure you, your crude ways will not get you far in life. Especially at the school tournament. I'm afraid your..."waifus", was it? They and you both shall fall to your knees before the heavenly light of my Link Joker. --- [ART COMING SOON] Shellie Fjord [SUPPORTING] Shellie is Beck's little sister, but for someone four years his junior, she sure doesn't act like it. Around others she's annoying, rather petty, and loves to talk down to people. She's got an almost older sister-type vibe, always making sure everyone eats, gets their homework done, and doesn't make any stupid decisions. Not that she's above those stupid decisions herself, but "do as she says, not as she does". She's grown up learning Vanguard with Beck, and she's more than willing to let you know about it. Beneath her surface is a caring young girl who just wants her friends and family to succeed and be happy. Too bad there's eight layers of barnacles and superiority complexes to dig through first. Shellie uses Granblue, and her avatar is Seven Seas Executioner, Dallas. Her voice is high-pitched, kind of whiney, and is very much that archetypical "little sister" voice. Even when she enters her "big sis" mode, the only thing that changes is the tone of murder in her voice. She's quick to anger, yells a lot, and talks pretty damn fast. Good luck! Lines --- [Introducing herself] I'm Shellie Fjord! Don't mess with me, I'm the best Cardfighter at Saint Nociel's! You better watch yourself, I'm not afraid to throw down! And neither is my avatar, Seven Seas Executioner, Dallas! Get ready, 'cause I'm coming for your booty! [Passionately] We rise, we fall, and we get back up again! That's the pirate's life, and the pirate's life's for me! Victory is the greatest treasure, and that's what we'll always seek! Stride Generation! Seven Seas Captain, Ghostie Marmalade! [So much snark going on right now] Ooh! So some small fry with an outdated clan is supposed to scare me? Sorry sweetie, but living with Beck has taught me a lot. You and your "Tsukiyomi" or whatever don't scare me one bit! --- [ART COMING SOON] Honey Lumiere [SUPPORTING] Honey Lumiere has only been a teacher at St. Nociel's for a few years, but she's seemingly wise beyond her years. She's very soothing, motherly, and seems to have unending love in her heart for both her students and for learning. She's beloved by the faculty, and not just because she's the only person who can get certain rabblerousers under control (Emma). She supervises the Vanguard club, and while she's definitely far from the best, she's pulled more than enough out-of-left-field plays to make her a force to be reckoned with when the need arises. She's also very into "yoga" and "energies" and "going with the flow" and " Ms. Lumiere uses Dark Irregulars, and her avatar is Sera, Born of Darkness. Her voice is soft and sweet. She's got this very motherly tone to her that naturally draws people to her, but it can grow grating after awhile. She speaks with this loving, cheerful levity that's very pleasant, very bouncy, and very fun. Lines --- [Introducing herself] Hmm? Oh, is it my turn! Goody! Hello, I'm Ms. Lumiere. I'm the supervisor of the Vanguard club at St. Nociel's, and technically, the fourth member of Emma's team. Such a spunky little thing, isn't she? I'm not very skilled yet, but running the club has helped me learn! Don't underestimate me! My avatar, Sera, Born of Darkness and I can give you quite the surprise! [Passionately] If there was no darkness, there would be no light. Please, come forth from that harrowing future, and grant us your strength. For the darkness isn't evil, it is the truth! Stride Generation! Born of Darkness, Sinful Lumina! [Cheerfully] Good morning, students! My, my, I'm sensing quite a lot of tension in the room! What do you say we start today's meeting with some deep breathing exercises? I even brought my yoga tapes! --- So, yes, those are the three main characters (and then some!) of New World! If you do choose to audition-and thank you so much if you do, please send your lines to sodacat16@yahoo.com! Send them as a .mp3 or a .wav file, please! Or, if you prefer something a little more direct, I also have a Casting Call Club project page for this very same project, which is a bit more organized and is an easier way to keep things together. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! Thank you so much again, and I hope you have a wonderful day! http://dlvr.it/P8fVLy www.voiceacting.space