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munchieschomp · 6 months ago

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HELLLL YEAH

i. first meeting (wbk series)

synopsis. when two hearts first meet, it sets the stage for a beautiful connection. featuring. sakura haruka, suo hayato, kaji ren, umemiya hajime x f!reader content. fluff, sfw, first meetings (lemme know if i missed any) note. please bear with me on this one, it’s my first ever work in tumblr >.< word count. 3.1k

𓍢ִ໋ sakura haruka

it was a warm afternoon, and sakura was patrolling the town alongside suo and nirei. it was just a normal day when an old lady suddenly appeared in front of them, disrupting their usual routine.

“excuse me, but can you boys help me find my cat?” the three of them noticed that the elderly woman looked visibly shaken. she then pointed towards a small alleyway. “he ran that way, and i’m too old to run after him. please, can you help me?”

sakura glanced at suo and nirei, who both nodded in understanding. before leaving, he saw that nirei placed a comforting hand on the elder woman’s shoulder to assure her they would find the cat for her. without hesitation, sakura entered the narrow alley.

the alley was dimly lit, and the sounds of the town faded into the background, replaced by the soft rustling of leaves and distant meows.

“according to the old lady, the cat’s fur is white and has mismatched eyes,” suo informed him. “nirei stayed behind just in case the cat goes back. any plans?”

“i’ll follow this path while you check the other end,” sakura called out with a steady voice. of course, he was determined to find the cat. not that he would ever say it out loud.

with a single nod from suo, they both separated.

as sakura carefully made his way deeper into the alley, he spotted a small, trembling ball of white fur perched on a high ledge. it looked scared, and sakura suddenly felt something stir inside him. with careful footsteps so as not to scare the cat, he approached it slowly. but then his shoe made a sound when it stepped on a fallen dry leaf, and the cat’s mismatched eyes met his. just as sakura was about to reach for it, the cat suddenly bolted further down the alley, disappearing around a corner.

sakura grunted in frustration but still followed the cat with determination. he ran after it and turned the corner, only to be met with an unexpected sight.

there, standing in the middle of the alley, was you, holding the white cat in your arms. you looked up and were startled by his sudden appearance.

"oh, um, hi," you said, a bit flustered. "i found this little guy hiding here. is he yours?"

sakura blinked, momentarily taken aback by your presence. his face quickly turned red as he tried to cover his surprise with a frown. "wh-what the… wh-where the hell did you come from? and n-no! he's not mine. an old lady asked us to help find him.”

“is that so?” you smiled gently, seemingly unfazed by his brusque tone. "he seems really scared, though. poor thing."

sakura quickly glanced away before muttering, "y-yeah, well, thanks for catching him." for some unknown reason, he was unable to maintain eye contact.

you then introduced yourself, and sakura spluttered out a response before eventually introducing himself as well, “t-the name’s sakura. sakura haruka.”

after that, you both fell into a somewhat awkward silence. neither of you knew what to say. although you did a quick glance at sakura then the cat, suddenly recognizing a familiar similarity. without thinking, you blurted out, “you sure he’s not yours?”

“i told you he’s not mine!”

after that burst from sakura, he turned away to lead you to where the original owner was. as you walked back together, sakura was still sporting a fuming yet flustered face, with his shoulders raised as if he was embarrassed, and you could practically see steam coming out of his head. you laughed from behind, while still holding onto the small ball of white fur in your arms, which, thankfully, was already asleep.

when you finally arrived at the location, you returned the cat to its grateful owner, who was standing between a guy with yellow hair and a guy with an eyepatch. the old lady thanked you profusely, tears of gratitude in her eyes. "thank you so much! i don't know what i would have done without you furin boys, and you as well, dear," she said, her voice trembling with emotion.

sakura tried to hide his embarrassment with a nonchalant expression. "yeah, yeah, it was nothing," he mumbled, his face still slightly red. "just… don’t let it get away next time!"

you all then bid the older woman goodbye, and as you walked back, you were introduced to the other two guys who sported the same furin uniform as sakura. you also introduced yourself and told them about what happened.

as they resumed their patrol, sakura couldn't help but steal glances at you walking beside him. he tried to act indifferent, but his flustered demeanor gave him away. it was already late in the afternoon, and suo teased him to walk you back to where your home was. you, on the other hand, kindly rejected the offer, saying that you did not want to disrupt their patrol any longer. plus, you still had somewhere to go. as you turned in a different direction, you bid the three guys goodbye, particularly to sakura. “bye, sakura!”

sakura just nodded his head, and after making sure that you were out of sight, suo and nirei went beside him. suo, with a teasing glint in his eye, says, “what a sweet girl, huh?”

“you wanna fight!?”

𓍢ִ໋ suo hayato

it’s not every day that suo gets to meet unique people in his life. other than the guys from furin, no one else has ever piqued his interest.

not until today.

he was having tea at café pothos early in the morning. kotoha, who was behind the counter, would have questioned why he wasn’t accompanied by the other two but decided against it since it’s not really unusual for suo to be alone. there are times when suo actually visits the café and enjoys tea on his own, savoring the tranquility of these solitary moments.

there were a few people inside the café, but it wasn’t really a busy day. as suo sipped on his tea, eye closed, with the calming aroma and taste helping to ease his mind, he was able to sense the things happening around him: the constant jingling of the bells on the door whenever someone opened and closed it, kotoha’s voice calling out orders, and the soft chattering of people around him.

but he caught one particularly distressed voice inside the café, mumbling foreign words. not that he didn’t understand it. quite frankly, he was very familiar with the language.

he opened his eye to find the source of the voice and immediately spotted you, sitting two tables away. he noted that you were looking at the cafe’s menu with a troubled expression, your brow furrowed and lips moving as if rehearsing what to say. he slightly tilted his head and listened closely to what you were saying. once he confirmed the language, he set his cup of tea down on the plate. ever the gentleman, he stood up and made his way over to you.

“do you need any help?” he asked in the same language he had heard you speaking. it wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough to understand. plus, his voice was warm and reassuring.

you, on the other hand, looked up in surprise, relieved to hear someone speaking your native language. embarrassed by the sudden appearance of a guy (who was good-looking even with an eyepatch) in front of you, you ducked your head behind the menu, peeking out cautiously. in a combination of your native language and a bit of japanese, you said, “yes, please. i’ve only been here for a short time, but i still can’t get the hang of japanese.”

suo chuckled softly before explaining every food and beverage available on the menu, describing the dishes with a gentle, knowledgeable tone. he helped you pick out an order and, once confirmed, he turned towards kotoha, who was already looking at him with a raised brow and a smirk, and effortlessly translated the order for you.

you watched him as he spoke, admiring his calm and collected demeanor. once the order was placed, he turned back to you with a friendly smile.

"i’m suo hayato. nice to meet you."

feeling a bit more at ease, you introduced yourself. "thank you so much, suo. i didn’t expect to meet someone who could speak my language here."

suo nodded, still smiling. "no problem at all. i’m glad i could help. are you new in town?"

"sort of. i’ve been here for a few months, but it still feels new to me," you admitted, your voice tinged with a mix of frustration and determination.

suo nodded understandingly. "it can be tough adjusting to a new place, especially with the language barrier. if you ever need help, feel free to reach out."

you both decided to share a table once you received your order. the conversation flowed smoothly, with suo teaching you useful japanese phrases and you sharing your experiences in makochi and your decision to stay in japan to study. suo’s calm and friendly demeanor made the interaction enjoyable, and you felt grateful for the unexpected encounter. his genuine interest in your story and his patient explanations helped ease your anxieties.

eventually, it was time to part ways. suo mentioned that nirei had texted him to come to school for a meeting, while you had other errands to run. you exchanged contact information, promising to meet up again soon.

𓍢ִ໋ kaji ren

“yo, kaji! you comin’ with us?” enomoto called out from outside the classroom door. kaji, who was looking out the window, was tapped on the shoulder by kusumi. to avoid repeating what enomoto said, kusumi showed kaji what was written on his phone:

'let’s go visit a newly opened music store! it opened just 5 days ago.'

that's how the three of them ended up at the new store in the middle of town. although kaji was reluctant to go at first, he decided to tag along because he wanted to look for a specific album his favorite artist had released two days ago. he didn't want to miss the chance to find it, especially since it might be available in the new store.

the sound of music and the scent of new merchandise filled the air. while enomoto and kusumi chatted excitedly and explored the aisles, kaji wandered off on his own, adjusting his headphones over his head. he let his vice-captains explore while he searched for the album he had been eager to buy.

when he finally found the aisle where the album might be, he carefully scanned the shelves. after searching nonstop, he finally spotted it on the top shelf. there was only one copy left. he had expected this since the artist was pretty famous, so of course it would sell out quickly.

fortunately, kaji was able to find the last copy for the day, and with a barely contained gleam of excitement in his eyes, he reached out for it. however, he noticed another arm reaching for the same album. since he was taller and the album was on a high shelf, he grabbed it first.

he looked down and saw you standing there, your hand still outstretched. you were clearly reaching for the same album.

"oh, sorry about that," you said, lowering your arm and looking up at him. there was a bit of disappointment on your face, but you quickly wiped it off with a smile. “i guess you got to it first.”

kaji moved his headphones around his neck, barely catching what you said. he looked at you and noticed how your eyes focused on the album in his hand. twirling the lollipop in his mouth while thinking about what to do, he debated whether to call enomoto and kusumi over to help him out.

not knowing what to say, he just stared at you, so you sheepishly continued, “uh, i should go look for something else, then.”

his eyes followed you as you passed by him to go to another aisle, and he felt a bit embarrassed by the encounter. plus, he hadn't even uttered a word to you. after hesitating for a bit, he decided to follow you.

you, on the other hand, were a bit saddened that you couldn’t get the last copy of the album your friend wanted for her birthday. it was the only gift you could think of, remembering how she would talk to you about the artist and the new album.

with a heavy sigh, you looked through the shelves, hoping to find something else of interest to your friend. you were so focused that you didn’t notice kaji behind you. he tapped you on the shoulder to get your attention. you jumped a bit before turning around to see who it was. you were surprised to see the guy from earlier again. confused but still friendly, you asked, “can i help you?”

kaji noticed the genuine friendliness in your demeanor, and although it was out of character for him to give up something he really wanted, he couldn’t forget the slight disappointment on your face.

“here," he said, handing you the album. "you can have it."

“wait, what?” you blinked, genuinely surprised by the sudden act. "really?”

he shrugged, putting a new lollipop back in his mouth. "it's no big deal. i can get it another time."

“thank you so much!”

as you took the album from him, you introduced yourself with a big smile, and kaji introduced himself back. you started talking about the music store, and he found himself responding more than he usually did with people he just met. despite his quiet nature, you managed to make the conversation flow easily.

after a while, enomoto and kusumi eventually found him, and you gave them a polite nod after paying for the album at the counter. "well, it was nice meeting you, kaji. thanks again for the album!"

"yeah," he replied while nodding, watching as you walk away.

as he turned back to his vice-captains, enomoto grinned. "making new friends already, captain?"

"shut up, enomoto," kaji rolled his eyes, putting his headphones back over his head.

kusumi smiled and showed what was written on his phone:

‘come on, let's check out the rest of the store.’

kaji followed them, a lollipop in his mouth, as he thought about what other album he should check out.

𓍢ִ໋ umemiya hajime

"hajime-kun, thank you once again for helping me carry these boxes into the store!"

"no problem at all!" umemiya exclaimed, his face beaming with a big smile after placing the last box on top of the pile. "glad i could help ya!"

one of umemiya's regular weekend routines is to go into town and assist townspeople in need. today, he came across mr. (l/n), a kind old man who was struggling to move boxes from his truck into his plant shop, which he runs with his wife. umemiya is very familiar with the sweet couple, often helping them around the store or running errands for them.

whenever umemiya comes by, they give him snacks, and once they even gifted him an indoor potted plant after he helped clean up the store following a gang fight. that plant now sits by the window in his room at the orphanage, a cherished gift he takes good care of. he is deeply grateful to the couple, who treat him like their own grandchild.

dusting off imaginary dirt from his hands, the 13-year-old umemiya asked, “is there anything else you need help with?”

mr. (l/n) hummed thoughtfully. after a moment, he exclaimed, “ah! are you busy after this, hajime-kun?”

umemiya blinked, then looked up, trying to recall if he had any plans for the day. when he realized he didn't, he shook his head.

"then," the old man clasped umemiya’s hand in his larger ones, his voice gentle yet tinged with concern. "could you check on my granddaughter? she went to the convenience store nearby, but my wife is worried she might get lost."

“your granddaughter?” umemiya asked curiously. he had never heard about mr. (l/n)’s granddaughter before, despite frequently visiting the store whenever he had free time.

“yes,” the old man nodded, releasing umemiya’s hands and turning to look outside. “she lives in furano with her parents and arrived two days ago to visit us. while this isn’t her first time in makochi, it’s her first time exploring on her own.”

“so, hajime-kun,” mr. (l/n) turned back to him with a closed-eye smile, “will you please go after my granddaughter to see if she’s alright?”

umemiya grinned and nodded, “sure!”

mr. (l/n) described his granddaughter to umemiya before he left the plant store to find you. he went to the nearest convenience store to check if you were still there, but you were nowhere to be found. he also noted that he didn’t see you on his way there.

she’s probably already lost. i must find her quickly.

umemiya checked alleyways, hoping to find you, but still saw no sign of a girl matching mr. (l/n)’s description.

he was already a bit far from the convenience store when he spotted a girl a few inches away, wandering aimlessly with a plastic bag in hand. she muttered something under her breath, but ume still heard it.

“oh great, we’re just walking in circles in this town.”

ume approached to confirm if this was mr. (l/n)’s granddaughter. as he got closer, you looked up, hearing his footsteps.

upon seeing your face, umemiya noticed a resemblance to mr. (l/n). to be sure, he asked with a gentle smile, “hi, are you (l/n)-san’s granddaughter?”

you blinked at the boy, who seemed about your age, before furrowing your eyebrows. “um, yeah. how’d you know?”

“i was helping out at the store a while ago and (l/n)-san asked me to escort you back home just in case you get lost!”

“w-who said i was lost?” you defended yourself. confident in your ability to navigate, you felt certain despite it being more than a year since your last visit to your grandparents' town. “i just got a bit sidetracked, that’s all!”

“really?” umemiya tilted his head. “but i’m pretty sure i heard you muttering that you were walking around–”

“okay! okay,” you interrupted, waving your arms to stop him. “you caught me, alright? but don’t tell my grandpa about this!”

umemiya laughed before introducing himself. you narrowed your eyes at him but introduced yourself as well. the two of you fell into conversation as you made your way back to your grandparents' house, and umemiya promised to tour you around town if he got the chance to meet you again.

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#wind breaker #wind breaker (satoru nii)#wind breaker (satoru nii) x reader #wind breaker x reader #wind breaker x f!reader #wind breaker x you #wind breaker fluff #wind breaker sfw #wbk #wbk series

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begrudging-fudanshi · 2 months ago

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So i stared reading windbreaker after i saw your post about it , it's wholesome manga with amazing fights

in your opinion Why didn't nii satoru reveal Sakura's past until now ? Why was Sakura alone ?

Hell yeah. Welcome to the fandom. I'm glad my propaganda has been working.

To be honest, I've been thinking about this series way too much over the last couple weeks, so this is probably going to be A Lot. I am dumping a lot of accumulated thoughts in here and simultaneously trying to keep a bunch of other thoughts from cluttering it up. If any of this feels disjointed, it's because I've been trying (I swear) to not make this like 10,000 words long lmao.

(CW: Wind Breaker manga spoilers + discussion of child neglect, trauma, feelings of worthlessness, parental loss, grief, and a suicide attempt in the context of the series. Hope you're ready for some pain.)

I'm going to answer your questions in reverse order, because I think they're actually very closely connected.

Sadly, my read on Sakura's past is really dark. Based on what we know so far, there's a lot to suggest that Sakura has been badly neglected for a long time, both physically and emotionally. Based on his lifestyle and the way he talks about himself, I really struggle to believe that he's received any genuine affection or care in many years, if ever. (I'm so glad he was able to go to Furin.)

The flashbacks at the start of episode 1 of the anime suggest he was taken in by relatives who didn't want him, and I think they basically set him up for failure in every way. They seem to have done the bare minimum required of them by the law, like sending him to school, but I can see no evidence that they did much of anything else. Like, what kind of asshole sends a 15-year-old kid to live alone in a barren apartment with literally nothing to wear except his school uniform? Caring people wouldn't let a kid live like that. (That said, I have a bad feeling that his lifestyle seen in chapter 56 is an upgrade compared to what he had before.)

Given this, it's clear Sakura really means it when he says he's always done things by himself. I think this is why he looks so torn up when his friends show him real kindness and why he's so sensitive to anyone showing affection. I also think this means that he really wants to forget his past. This is a big part of why we haven't seen it revealed yet: Sakura isn't ready to revisit it, himself.

---

Something interesting about Wind Breaker's backstories is that they all (as far as I and my notes can remember) follow a consistent pattern. They're not just lore dumps that tell us about the character's past. They actually follow each character through a process of changing their beliefs about themselves, often based on their view of the past. This is why they're all in the first person. Some of these changes happen in the present while others are part of flashbacks, but either way the process is basically the same.

In each backstory, the character starts out believing something about themselves that gives rise to a contradiction that keeps them trapped. This belief somehow keeps them from living their best life and, often, stops them from changing their ways to make their best life possible. However, someone else helps them challenge that belief, giving rise to a revelation that lets them change how they see themselves. This change enables them to see new possibilities and lets them move forward towards the life they want.

For example:

Umemiya believed his parents would blame him for their deaths, so he couldn't let himself grieve them nor believe that he deserved to live. His guilt blocked out his memory of the event, keeping him from remembering what really happened. However, a nameless(?) Furin student and Shitara helped him realize that his parents saved him and were happy to see him survive. Thus, he was able to grieve and imagine a future for himself other than his self-destruction.

Kaji believed that his rage was uncontrollable and couldn't even see himself as human. Hiragi helped him realize that he could manage his triggers and change his behavior to be able to find acceptance and live his life.

Tsubaki believed that she couldn't like pretty things or express herself how she wanted. Ito and Yui helped her learn to dress up and present herself the way she liked, allowing her to accept herself and transition. (I know she's not canonically transgender but that's still the best way I can see to describe it.)

After Yui's death, Ito believed that she might never have truly loved him. Tsubaki, Sakura, Suo, and Nirei help him realize the secret meaning of the tree that she planted in his garden, letting him live his life without worrying if she was truly happy.

What's important here is that the character must be ready to have their beliefs about themselves challenged so they can understand their full truth. Otherwise, their story of their past would be incomplete. (Consider what Umemiya's backstory would have sounded like if he still believed he was a murderer.) In fact, we already have an example of this that I'll get to, next.

Because Sakura isn't yet in a position to challenge the beliefs holding him back, he can't reveal his past, either. He has friends helping him, but it's going to be a while before they've truly shaken his most unhelpful beliefs.

---

That said, this process has actually played out with Sakura once before and I think it tells us a lot. It shows us exactly why he's not ready to reveal his past.

In chapter 1, Sakura starts out believing that he's meant to always be alone, leading him to initially reject the people of Makochi. Then, Kotoha helps him acknowledge that he does want to be accepted and convinces him to give it a shot. However, while this is great progress and very necessary for Sakura's growth, this isn't a complete resolution. He still has an even more deep-seated belief that has to be addressed.

In addition to asserting that he's meant to be alone, Sakura also lays out another belief in chapter 1 that I argue really gets to the root of his deepest trauma. He doesn't quite say it explicitly, but it underpins both his belief that he's meant to be alone and that he's worth nothing but his fists.

The closest he comes to naming it is when he describes Furin. He says it's "The lowest of the low, hated by all others, worth nothing but their fists … It's a battle to determine the trashiest of the trash. That suits me perfectly."

I have to admit, the first few times I heard and read this, I completely missed how fucked up it is for a 15-year-old kid to say this about himself. I think I've gotten so used to taking shonen protagonists' confident declarations at face value that I just didn't question it, in the same way I've learned not to question, say, 12-year-old Gon deciding to become a pro hunter and travel the world fighting adults. The way it's presented very deliberately (and, I think, cleverly) blunts the impact as well, making use of shonen stylistic conventions to disguise it as stereotypical shonen protagonist bluster. This mirrors how Sakura masks his deeper feelings about himself.

However, as I read through the rest of the manga, it became clear that this is what Sakura actually, deeply believes. He's 15 years old and he truly sees himself as trash—in other words, worthless. The only way he can imagine finding worth in himself is through his strength. Even then, this is only for Sakura himself. He can't let himself imagine anyone else ever valuing him for any reason, so he must find self-worth all on his own. To put it more sharply, he can't imagine deserving unconditional love. Based on what little we do know about his past, this belief stems from a lifetime of emotional neglect.

The thing is, Sakura's belief that he's worthless is actually, paradoxically, a coping mechanism. As horrible as it is, it helps him rationalize his life in a way that lets him keep living despite his neglect and isolation. If he's truly worthless, then he's never had a reason to expect being loved or accepted by anyone—he's always been meant to be alone. This is how he can tell himself that he doesn't care and has given up. This lets him bury the pain of his isolation and pretend it doesn't truly hurt. By believing that he has always been worthless and unable to be (to deserve being) loved, he has had no reason to get his hopes up for the future, nor any reason to question why he's been treated so badly in the past. He can accept it (has to accept it), even if he hates it, because it was always inevitable.

Notice how Sakura reminds himself that he's given up right before punching the Spaltips' leader in chapter 1. This is the story he tells himself to contain the hurt. He does something similar in chapter 56, reminding himself that he's supposed to be alone as he grapples with his friends' kindness. He bludgeons himself with this reminder as a way to push away thoughts about his past. He then shifts his focus to thinking about his growing care for his friends rather than his feelings about himself. Once again, Sakura makes himself turn away.

The trouble is, this belief is his only means of holding back an unfathomable amount of pain inside of him. It's the only way he knows how to live with all the myriad ways he's been treated like shit. To doubt his own worthlessness, therefore, is to expose himself to overwhelming grief. Because, if he isn't worthless, he then has to ask himself why he had to suffer for so long. That kind of question is too awful for him—for pretty much anyone—to face on their own. This coping mechanism protects him, but it also traps him and prevents him from finding relief.

This comes to a head in chapter 1, as the townspeople surround him and the old woman tries to tend to his wound. As she reaches towards him, he screams at her to stay away. This act of genuine kindness fills him with terror. It's not just that he fears eventual rejection—Sakura fears the idea he could be accepted at all. Remember, he's just "failed" to win the fight and, worse, ended up having to be protected because he got hurt. Sakura could accept Kotoha's kindness earlier because he "earned" it by stopping her attackers, but now there's someone trying to help him for what feels like no reason. For Sakura, who must believe that he was never meant to be loved or accepted, being shown kindness for no apparent reason feels like an existential threat. It threatens to undermine the walls that he's built inside of him to keep going. This is why he allows Kotoha to help him instead—he can still rationalize her help as transactional.

This rationalization provides his means of escape. To accept his place in Makochi, he only has to accept that he doesn't have to be alone. He doesn't have to believe that he can be valued or loved unconditionally, nor that he deserved anything better. Instead, Sakura finds a way to "earn" his acceptance: The chapter culminates with Sakura accepting Bofurin, which he shows by leaping over all the others to kick the Spaltips' leader in the face.

By showing his strength, by upstaging the heroes and claiming his place among them, Sakura proves (to himself) that he is strong enough to be accepted. Rather than accept that he could always have been valued and accepted unconditionally—that he always could have been loved—Sakura would rather believe he's earned his acceptance based on his strength.

In this way, Sakura can continue to believe in his own worthlessness, saving himself from having to face his past. Because of this, even as he's learned that he can be accepted, he still maintained his belief that he was meant to be alone from the start (again, see chapter 56). This lets him continue to justify his past suffering and minimize his own pain.

This comes back around in chapter 162, when Sakura's classmates talk about his low self-esteem. Despite their efforts to show him that he's loved and valued, Sakura ultimately still believes he's only worth his strength. We see how he rejects Umemiya's praise, unable to understand how he could be praised when he "failed". Sakura can't believe he could be valued when he couldn't even single-handedly save the town.

But, as long as he believes this, his past will remain a mystery, not just to his friends and to us as readers, but even to Sakura himself. Just as Umemiya's repression kept him from realizing that his parents loved him, Sakura's repression keeps him from realizing that he has always deserved to be loved. He cannot acknowledge, can't even recognize, the pain he's endured in his life, because he still has to believe it didn't matter. Because of this, he can't let himself grieve or admit that he has always deserved better. He's still trapped believing he must always prove his worth through his strength alone.

Of course, changing this isn't going to be easy. He will get there. His friends will help him through it. Still, it's going to be rough. I think it'll be a while yet before he's ready to tell us about his past.

---

Addendum

All of that being said, something I really love about Wind Breaker is how hopeful it is and the way it shows Sakura living despite his past. To that end, I want to note one last thing: Sakura can still smile, despite everything else. No matter what he tells himself, he still feels hope.

I mentioned above that I didn't recognize Sakura's low self-esteem at first because it's masked with stereotypical shonen protagonist confidence. I think this is very deliberate by the author. We're supposed to see Sakura as cool, confident, and badass in the beginning, only to realize that he's also hurting inside. (Emphasis: that's also, not instead. These aren't mutually exclusive.) Sakura's cocky grin is part of a mask he wears, but it's not a lie.

While I believe Sakura has suffered a lot, it's important to emphasize that he's not broken or doomed to drown in grief. What I've laid out here is what I believe is going on beneath the surface, and I do believe he's going to have to face his trauma eventually, but let's not forget that our boy can still smile after all of that. The fact that he can smile doesn't mean that he's not hurting, but the fact that he's hurting doesn't mean he only feels pain. Let's not do him dirty by miring our view of him in grief. Instead, as we acknowledge how much he's suffered, let's also be happy at just how far he's come and hopeful for how far he'll go in the future.

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